#such a cool character and character design wasted on a gross anime

[uspiria]

Kite (1998) dir. Yasuomi Umetsu, Yuki Iwai, Keizo Kusakawa

[powerpuffobsession]

First time writing an essay about Helluva Boss. Episode 2.10, Ghostfuckers

So, episode 2.10...

I have a lot to say about it considering all the previous episodes. First of all, I'm glad that the senior man managed to punch Millie through a wall. She deserved that for all the innocent humans she, Blitzo and her husband murdered in episode 1.3 (I remind you that this is a cartoon about imps who are serial murders, and DHORKS are not the villains but rather just looking for revenge, uguuu U_U)

I'm just disappointed that Blitzo didn't get punched (because he's a traumatized uwu baby in this one and that would break him in half, I guess)

Now, let's get to it, to the bad and a bit of good

Animators and voice actors are still killing it, they are the ones single-handedly saving this show (had it not looked so pretty compared to Family guy or RiIck and Morty, I'd never even given it the light of day with its writing, because my eyes would just bleed and I'd close the tab. I'm a sucker for beautiful animesque designs, what can I say)

The fighting scenes are much more fluid now, my head doesn't hurt from watching them too

But the writing... The best way to describe this is "Uncanny Valley"

Because Brandon Rogers basically made fanfic inside fanfic. The whole show is already full of loopholes, strange turnarounds and retcons, etc. And Ghostfuckers looks like a stand-off fantasy that first goes on about some fanon version of Millie Brandon would like to see if he was the one who came up with the idea of Helluva boss... And then it switches abruptly to canon Millie, because we have to remember that this is still an episode of Vivziepop's show

This is what we get when Vivziepop is too grossed out by having to develop her female character and dumps it wholly on another writer (for the second time in a row already)

The switch between that cold-blooded and unfriendly Millie and the current awkward happy-go-lucky Millie is just too unnatural. I don't see any hints in the previous episodes about her being such a stock "cool gurl" in the past. It feels like yet another idea that was mashed into the show out of nowhere with no planning (like Stolas and Blitzo meeting as kids or Stolas being a helpless soy-bean victim)

I hate how the show tries to go in the direction of posing Blitzo as a local savior-wannabe who supposedly made the lives of Moxxie and Millie better.

No, he didn't....

I have eyes and ears. I saw how he humiliated Moxxie and made fun of him, he made threats to him and Millie, stalked them outside of work and he still refuses to stop doing that, he DOESN'T EVEN PAY THEM, INSTEAD WASTING ALL THE MONEY ON RANDOM STUFF AND SHAMELESSLY TELLS THEM ABOUT IT DIRECTLY (especially in episode 2.10, do you know what it means not to be paid for a MONTH when you are depending on yourself and not living off your parents money, like Millie and Moxxie?)

In real life, Blitzo would have been told to go fuck himself and all his workers would have left him a long time ago. But in vivziepop's verse Blitzo is apparently the only employer in Wrath ring, I dunno...

I feel like Millie comforted and thanked Blitzo out of pity just so he would stop whining. I remember how she didn't show up to help him escape from the humans in the last short (Moxxie wasn't captured that time unlike in 1.6 episode, so she was unbothered). I tell you, the gurl is hiding her true disdain for Blitzo, since he's her boss. I know two-faced when I see one (and I don't blame her at all)

However, with what condition Blitzo is in in this episode, I have quite a few nasty words to say about Stolas

This is the second or third or maybe even fourth time we've heard how Blitzo ruins the lives of everyone in hell (literally, he gets a whole ass party dedicated to how bad he is, thrown by almost half of hell - writing overkill much?), how he should change, etc... My question is, when will the same be said to Stolas?

Stolas performed the same disgusting scheme a lot of toxic partners have always been using: he tamed Blitzo, he made Blitzo feel like he (Stolas) is important and irreplaceable, Stolas pretended to be kind to Blitzo (when in reality all he wanted from the imp was sex, otherwise he would have requested something else in exchange for the book, it was not that hard to do you know)... And then Stolas got all offended completely out of the blue (just because Blitzo hesitated before accepting his gift, seriously?) and ditched Blitzo while sincerely partaking in an insulting song dedicated to Blitzo at the "Fuck you Blitzo party)...

That bird bitch knows exactly what he's doing. He knew Blitzo would get used to the idea that Stolas only wants sex and doubt Stolas' attempt at selflessness (with the Asmodeus' crystal). Stolas can't be so clueless if he's 30-something years old, I can't stand how Vivziepop infantilizes her characters right at the times when they should realize their wrongdoings and self-improve

If Stolas is not going to understand the damage he did to Blitzo and apologize to him, AND if they are going to still be the end game after all... That'd be a pure romanticization of Stockholm syndrome

You can't have Blitzo as this scapegoat who is somewhat held responsible for his actions (he is at least feeling guilty sometimes and trying to do.... something??? to fix things) and then show someone who's emotionally abusing him as this innocent suffering being. I hate black-and-white writing where the author is playing favourites when it comes to conflicts between characters

Now the small things:

Moxxie wears a bra apparently. Transmale Moxxie headcanon confirmed? (I know his horns are black and white, but he could have dyed them)

I find it funny how the characters keep conversing smugly while fighting and jumping all over the place. Can you stop for one minute and breathe? You're all gonna end up with pink eye one day I swear

The fight scenes are still a repetitive mass of random noise and movement. And that's why in my opinion they last for longer than they should. Helluva Boss is trying to be Samurai Jack with its suspense and various styles/pacing of action, but fails

I loved the scene where Blitzo was tortured by the hallucinations of his past. Helluva boss does a decent job at creepy stuff for a stupid comedy-drama cartoon. The scene where a fantom of his mother shows up and burns in his arms is especially cinematically strong. Blitzo really got stabbed where it hurt the most

Blitzo is more vulnerable than Millie in this episode in general. His past is screwed up big time for a lot of reasons, so he's got a lot of trauma buttons one can push to easily drive Blitzo into a helpless snotty-teary state. Millie, in contrast, is living her best life in hellish terms - she's got loving parents, strong body and personality, no guilt on her shoulders, literally nothing to be ashamed or guilty of. The villain tries to tell her that she's miserable, and she's just laughing in his face because she KNOWS it's not so. That's why Millie keeps protecting Blitzo in 2.10 episode. It's an interesting chemistry and I'm glad it got explored

Though I still don't get how Millie meeting her husband is Blitzo's merit. Not like he actively helped them get together, to of the goodness of his heart too, I sincerely doubt it, given how egoistical, abusive and immature Blitzo is

I hate how Blitzo keeps talking about sex only at some times. It's like a psychosis or something. "Adult cartoon should feature sex talk, because that's how it happens in real life, grow up". In real life anyone would get dirty looks if they spoke in "sex fuck FUCK SEX FUCKING FUCK I want to get it up my ass I WANT SEX" only at the most inappropriate times, so piss off, it's cringe. I get it how Vivziepop and her crew find the mere word "sex" funny, as well as swear words (someone did not grow out of their middle school phase), but can we have other jokes please? The "read the chains" one was kinda funny as well as the high five scene from the 1.3 episode. I want more comedy stuff like that, though it takes effort to come up with that

Speaking of which, I hated the part where a disfigured person who can't even blink is made fun of. Especially how Blitzo and Millie demonstratively express disgust upon seeing her. Unhealthy people are not a joke!

The villain was bland. He's basically just a tool to make Millie and Blitzo get character development. No charisma, no memorable lines or scenes (his transformation to his true form was sort of spicy but lacked something still), no clear motivation. He didn't pass the sexy tumblrman test, I have no memories of him

No s*icidal Millie in this episode. I'm glad about that because that conflict just doesn't suit her (I also think that her reflections about feeling unimportant in 2.5 episode were bullshit, she has no reason for that). If anything it would have been logical to give Moxxie the s*icidal tendencies and the problem of feeling unimportant - he's weak, sensitive, gets mocked and bullied a lot, has a troublesome and dark past with an abusive father.... It'll be a missed potential if until the very end his suffering is going to be taken as just a joke instead of being explored as a serious issue (though we all know vivziepop is going to leave it as that)

Thankfully Luna didn't murder Moxxie at his most neurotic and vulnerable state and didn't ignore his attempt at burning himself with all the papers (I get you, man... Paperwork sucks majorly sometimes). She even gave him an ice cream! When Millie asked Luna to watch over Moxxie, I actually was worried she and Blitzo would return to see Moxxie dismembered and pissed at all over or something. Because this is the same Luna who abused Blitzo (someone who literally allows her to live carefree at his expense), and bullies Moxxie on a daily basis... Blitzo didn't even die when making her do the unnecessary work of burning the owl taxidermy. Is she on antidepressants or something in this episode?

I rate this episode as 7/10

[guiltygearconfessions]

Bedman in strive is actually such a useless, boring addition and the biggest waste of space in the roster. Not only is the actual bed such an UGLY design but Delilah is also so boring and bland. The trope of having a little girl with BIG powers has been overdone so many times. She's so boring to look at and her character is just annoying.

On the combat side Bedman is just so boring to fight, there's nothing fun about having to block spike spam from a full screen and then having to sit in the corner for 10 seconds while you wait for the animations of this slow, clunky, gross character to finish.

I genuinely hate Beman and Delilah and strive and they butchered how cool Bedman was from the prior game. What a pathetic excuse of a character it is.

-

[enchanted--realm]

But It’s An Animal Hospital

Prompt by @jurassicsickfics 1: Intense Isla Nublar/Sorna heat causing nausea. Thanks for keeping the fandom alive!

Tags: Clawen, Sickfic, One Shot, Jurassic world, Pre-Jurassic World (2015), Claire Dearing/Owen Grady, Owen Grady takes care of Claire Dearing, heat exhaustion, pov descriptions of feeling sick

Summary: Claire suffers from mild heat exhaustion and Owen takes care of her, cuteness ensues.  Clawen one shot sickfic.

Content warning, pov descriptions of feeling sick.

Notes: Personally, I'm not a big fan of reading about stomach upset and think it's really gross, so the descriptions of nausea are pretty mild.  No one actually ends up v*miting.  So, sorry if that's your thing??  To each their own though.

Happy Jurassic June everyone!  Clawenafterdark on twitter, shout out to you!

Also, this is the first Clawen fic I've ever written and I've been obsessing over another fandom lately so this may read a little out of character, I'm not really sure.  I tried my best.  Thank you so much for reading! < 3

Keep reading under cut

Link to work on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/47698048

_________

The sun was beating down on Claire all day, and the humidity felt like it was trying to choke her. It was the hottest day of the year yet, and of course today was the day that Claire's schedule had her running all over the park.

Her usual morning meetings had been replaced by an investors tour which she had been giving around the outdoor paddock of one of their newest attractions. She had answered question after question in the ninety degree heat, trying to look composed while brushing sweat off her brow, and it wasn't even noon then.

She'd known she'd be outside for the majority of the day, and so she had dressed accordingly in her loosest and lightest business attire, but given it was only morning when she started to tire from the heat, she knew she had a brutal day ahead of her.

After the investors tour, which had unfortunately gone overtime, Claire had driven across the park to see about new developments for one of the resorts. Another outdoor meeting. Her car had felt like an oven on the way there with the air conditioning still not working since she kept forgetting to call the auto shop. She had to have all the windows down just so she could breathe. Of course by that time her water had gone warm and did nothing to cool her down.

When she had parked at the resort, she ripped open an instant cooling pack. Over the years of living on the island, she learned to keep them on hand for hot days like this. She hardly had the time to use it though if she wanted to get to her meeting on time, so she had tossed it in the glove compartment after a minute of use.

By the time Claire had gotten back to her car from meeting with the designers she was suffering from a small headache. The meeting had gone well enough, but it was a complete waste of time. All Claire did was nod her head in approval basically. She hated meetings like those. There were a million other things she could have been doing. She supposed the only reason she had been there was to instill fear into the staff and remind them of the standards they had to live up to. They never detoured inside the resort like she had hoped, so that was another sweltering, wasted 40 minutes of her life.

She had looked forward to driving back to her office to enjoy lunch indoors when she had gotten a phone call from one of the directors. There was a major brief happening later that day with Jurassic World's top veterinarian, and one of the directors working on the brief called her to come early, as they were dealing with an emergency that needed her input. She had stayed on the phone with the team as she drove over, and they queued her in on the scenario. She was basically approving the matter over the phone but she still needed to be there in person to see the situation through. By the time their little emergency had been taken care of, it was almost two hours past the matter, and it was now time for the regular scheduled briefing to occur.

This is how Claire found herself now at the main outdoor paddock, standing in the hot sun once again, not having had any break from the heat for the entire five hours she had been at work.

She was hungry, she had a headache, and God it was hot out.

She squinted as she looked around the paddock where herself, the vice president, top directors, the entire veterinarian department, head staff animal handlers, and a few select fellows, were meeting. Zara spotted her near the front of the group and came to stand by her side. Claire smiled at her in greeting and listened as Zara talked about her morning. Claire couldn't remember a word of what her assistant was saying, though. Claire kept zoning in and out of the conversation, tired from the morning she had. Though Claire lived on the island for about a decade now and was used to the Central American heat, she normally spent her work day indoors and wasn't used to spending long hours in the sun like this. It didn't help that she hadn't eaten since breakfast.

Her stomach grumbled a little then, and she tried to ignore the empty concave of her stomach and instead focus on the head veterinarian as he called the briefing to a start.

The brief began outdoors of the paddock, the sun still high in the sky and the heat peaking at the hottest hours of the day. It must have been well over a hundred degrees by now and the humidity was still suffocating. They thankfully moved indoors as they walked through the animal hospital, though the air was stuffy and warm from all the bodies in the room. That's when she noticed Owen Grady in their small crowd. He was standing near a few people she recognized to be animal handlers. He walked with that confident swagger he usually wears, and Claire felt her stomach somersault at the sight of him. She inwardly groaned as the butterflies in her stomach and added flush in her cheeks did nothing to help her feel any better in handling the heat. Her bangs were starting to stick to her forehead. She hoped she didn't look too much of a mess. Immediately, she scolded herself in her thoughts for being worried about what she looked like in front of Owen Grady of all people. She was not going to give that meat-head, scoundrel of a man anymore attention, no matter how handsome he was, nor how his voice dipped when he talked to her. Her stomach flipped again and she cursed in her thoughts. She most certainly did not give any attention to his backside as he followed the group out of the room, most certainly not. She took a deep breath as she followed everyone outside to another paddock. Being one of the last few people to exit the hospital, she ended up standing in the unwanted spot directly in the sun, the rays beating atop her head, most likely making her skin burn as well. She couldn't remember the last time she reapplied her sunblock.

Squinting against the sun, she tried to focus on what the veterinarian was saying but just had to pretend by this point. Gosh, the heat was so strong she was starting to feel lightheaded, she thought. Good thing Zara was taking notes. Claire took another deep breath, resisting the urge to fan herself and willed her mind to stay awake and focused. The briefing was allotted two hours in her calendar. She already felt like they'd been there for five, so it couldn't last much longer. She told herself she just had to keep it together until the meeting was over, and then she could go back to her air conditioned office in peace.

Unconsciously, Claire smacked her lips together, tasting the dryness of her mouth. Her stomach was starting to feel uncomfortably empty, she noticed. If she had some privacy she could let herself falter, she thought, but she couldn't let the staff see her in this state. Sure, Claire was only human like the rest of them, but she didn't want the image of her stumbling away lightheaded living in anyone's mind, especially the staff she commanded. She needed people to respect her.

She swallowed again, her mouth feeling pasty, and then her stomach cramped. She stilled, her breath hitching, until her muscles released and then she took a relieving breath. This could not be happening now, she thought. Perhaps she should find someplace to sit down, but she hesitated at the idea. This briefing was important and she had to be here. Breaking her from her thoughts, she caught some movement in her peripheral vision. Her eyes widened at recognizing Owen Grady standing at her right. She quickly collected her facial expression, hoping he didn't notice her surprise. Was he standing next to her the entire time, she thought? She spared another glimpse his way and tried not to notice the way his hand rested on his hip, or the way his other hand smoothed over his scruff, or how his musky scent drifted over from where he stood. Her cheeks flushed then, and heat swelled through her entire body. A wave of lightheadedness went through her again, and she wasn't sure if she swayed in her footing or if it only felt like she did. She spared a glance at Owen again and he seemed closer to her than before. Did she do that or did he, she wondered. Gosh, her stomach felt awful.

She tested her tongue in her mouth again, detecting a funny taste building up. She had no idea what the head veterinarian was talking about anymore. All she could focus on was the feeling of the sun beating down on her skin, and the beads of sweat trickling down her hairline, making her bangs stick to her forehead. Hot. She felt so hot. She briefly registered Zara's voice and then suddenly a shadow blocked the glaring sun from her eyes. Staring straight ahead, it took her a second to realize Owen Grady stood in her vision. She looked around to see the small crowd dispersing. She hadn't even realized the brief ended.

She heard Owen say her name then, and she turned back to him, finding it difficult to look up into his eyes.

"You okay?" Owen asked. He sounded a little fuzzy in her ears, though she recognized the concern in his voice even if she couldn't see his face.

Another wave of lightheadedness made her delay in response. "Fine," was all she was able to breathe out. Without thinking, she lifted her hand to hold onto his arm to steady herself and started to step towards the animal hospital. Her head instantly felt like it was trying to float away as she walked too quickly. Owen's hand pressed hot to her back, keeping her balanced.

He said something she didn't register and she found it comforting, but at the same time his warm breath was on the skin of her cheek and it made her stomach coil even more than it already was.

She didn't realize he was guiding her inside the animal hospital until the door closed behind them.

"The heat," she managed to breath out as she followed him to where she knew there was a private break room. Owen walked them too fast for her liking, though she knew they were walking slowly anyhow, and she feared she would faint on the way there, tightening her grip on his hand that she was apparently holding. The moment Owen opened the door to the small break room the cold air hit her face and she felt instant relief. She stepped through the door and breathed in the cold like she was gulping down ice water. She stumbled immediately into a chair at the small round table in the center of the room and rested her head in her hands, closing her eyes. One of her hands quickly moved to her stomach when she felt it tighten with another wave of nausea. She couldn't help the small cry that escaped her lips at the feeling.

"Claire." Owen pushed her hair out of her face. His strong voice helped her focus her mind.

"I'm okay. I'm okay," she panted, squeezing her eyes shut. She felt Owen brush her hair once more before leaving her side and heard him rumbling through the cabinets of the kitchenette. Claire continued to breathe in the cool air and felt her head steady to a slightly less floating sensation.  It calmed her down a little and her heartbeat started to regulate.

"Drink this." She heard Owen's rough voice and then something thumped onto the table. She blinked her eyes open to half-lidded and saw an opened bottle of water in front of her.

She just stared at it for a moment, not having the strength to move right away. Then she lifted the hand from her stomach and reached for the water, raising her head just enough so she could take a drink. Owen sat to her right, fumbling with whatever else he brought over to the table, she didn't know what. Her stomach churned as she brought the water closer, but she knew she should at least try to drink something. She brought the bottle to her lips and took the smallest sip. When she swallowed she felt another wave of nausea, and she scrunched her face, turning away and setting the bottle back on the table.

"Try to drink some more," he prompted her softly.

"Mm." She shook head, still scrunching her eyes closed. "Nauseous," she explained, leaning her elbows on the table and resting her head on her hand again. She panted lightly as she gazed mindlessly in front of her, her heartbeat picking up again.

She heard Owen move something plastic around. "Here. This will help," he said.

She gasped as an icy cold sensation landed between her shoulder blades and then quickly relaxed, almost groaning at how pleasurable it felt. A shiver ran through her body and she sighed as she relaxed more, leaning her elbows further and sinking into the table. Her head slid in her hand as she tilted to look sideways, meeting Owen's eyes for the first time since being in the room. She just blinked at him as he stared at her, and then she closed her eyes again, too tired to focus on anything.

She relaxed like that for a minute before she felt Owen moving the ice pack up to the back of her neck. She breathed deeply again in relief.

"How are you feeling?" Owen asked softly.

Claire's head was still floating and her stomach a little sick, but she could feel her mind starting to come back to her at least. She sat up the slightest bit, still propping her head up by her chin.

Claire licked her lip before speaking. "A little better," she admitted, her voice slightly hoarse so she cleared it. She blinked at him, finally able to hold her focus on Owen clearly. His gaze was soft and there was a pretty shine in his eyes, she thought. Her stomach somersaulted for non-sick-related reasons, and she had to break eye contact with him in order to steady herself. She couldn't find the strength to lift her head from her hand, so she held the weight of it as she stared at the first aid kit Owen found, seeing the open wrapper of an instant cooling pack, not unlike one of the ones she used earlier today.  "Mmm...I'm a little lightheaded. And nauseous still," she informed him. She lifted her free hand to grasp at the ice pack Owen held to her neck, and he argued with her not to bother. She grasped around his fingers anyway, noticing how cool his hand felt in comparison to hers, and told him she wanted the pack at her forehead, in which case he gave way and let her move it to where she wanted.

She held the pack against her head, closing her eyes as she absorbed the cold, glad to have the heat disappearing from the palm of her hand as well. It felt like her mind was waking up more with every passing minute, which she was grateful for. She heard Owen shuffle in his seat, then.

"Did you eat today?" His voice was tender still.

"Just breakfast," she responded honestly, and she heard the creak of the chair as he got up and rummaged around the kitchenet.

Her hands finally started feeling a normal temperature as she moved the ice pack to her left hand and leaned her temple into the pack, reveling in the cold soaking straight into her pulse point. She took in another deep breath and opened her eyes. She couldn't see Owen, just the empty chair he sat in before. She looked to her right using just her eyes, too tired to turn her head, and saw the blurry image of Owen in the corner of her vision, standing over the counter.  The refrigerator hummed annoyingly in the background.  She couldn't tell what Owen was doing, but she liked that she got to gaze at him, even in this blurry state. His shape came into focus as she followed him with her eyes as he returned to her. He placed a sports drink on the table, along with an opened box of crackers. She followed a drop of condensation with her eyes as it rolled down the length of the bottle when she heard his voice again.

"I know your stomach isn't feeling well, but you should try to get something in your system," he urged mildly, and she turned her gaze to his face.

His hazel eyes stared back at her, waiting. She inhaled as she looked back to the sports drink. She felt like she was coming back to her senses enough. She could try again at holding down a drink, she thought. Lifting her head from her hand for the first time since she came into the room, she let the ice pack slide from her temple down to her neck and held it there until she had to use both her hands to open the drink. She tried to unscrew the cap but it was sealed tight, and she didn't have the grip strength to try harder. Owen took the bottle immediately from her hands and opened it without effort, before placing it back in front of her and mumbling an apology.

"Thanks." Claire suppressed a smile. Gingerly, she lifted the drink to her lips and paused before taking a sip of the artificially bright yellow liquid. The moment the ice-cold drink filled her mouth her mind instantly woke up, her eyes widening as she pursed her lips at the strong sugary, citrus flavor before gulping it down. She blinked a few times and felt herself straighten up a little in her chair.

"There she is!" Owen's voice boomed throughout the small room and almost made her jump in her seat.

She turned towards him and saw the grin on his face that she knew would be there, the smile reaching his eyes and making them twinkle a certain way that she tried desperately not to find adorable.

She sat still for a moment, gauging the cool feeling in her throat and the way the cold liquid settled in her stomach. Her nausea didn't feel any worse, so she chanced another drink. It felt good.

She slouched in her chair again, resting her head on her hand as she held the ice pack behind her ear and looked at Owen. Her head was no longer floating, instead feeling a little heavy now, like a pressure headache had built up from her brain having melted in the sun. She took another drink, feeling the cold liquid settle in her stomach. She finally processed the whole of what happened here, and suddenly, she felt very intimate with Owen Grady. He was still looking at her with a smile in his eyes, and her heartbeat picked back up.

"You're looking better," he stated. "Your color’s gone back to normal."

She felt herself wanting to hide her face at his notice of her color, instead just faltering her gaze before looking back at him.

"Thank you,” she started, “but you didn't have to do this." Claire felt the urge to deflect his attention, hardly getting out the sentence before Owen started protesting.

"I had to make sure you were okay, Claire," he interrupted her, but she spoke on top of him, saying she would have been fine on her own to which his facial expression immediately objected.

"You were p-practically fainting, Claire. I couldn't ignore that. I had to make sure you were alright." He cut himself off then, and she wondered how strong his worry for her was. She thought his face said it enough, with his intense stare and the way he shook his head like he couldn't think of words to say. She noticed how his chest puffed as he breathed deeply and recalled how sharp his voice was just now. She thought she'd go easy on him and just accept his concern.

"Thank you," she gave honestly. She had to admit, it was sweet of him to stay with her and care for her in the first place. It was nice knowing someone cared. Or at least she let herself be hopeful enough or delusional enough, she wasn't sure which, to think he really cared, not just about the safety of a person, because she knew Owen would help anyone who needed it, but that he cared about her.

"I'm okay, now, Owen. Thank you, honest, but you don't have to stay," she regretted saying the words as soon they came out of her mouth, not wanting him to leave and more than that, seeing the way his eyes shifted away from hers. She didn't want him to think she wanted him to leave so she quickly added, "I mean, you're welcome to stay, but...you don't need to. I don’t want to hold you up." She fisted her hand in her lap. She couldn't understand how she could be commanding a boardroom one minute, and then when it came to this man she could hardly look him in the eye. Her stomach flipped and it made her nausea act up a little, a sour taste coming into her mouth. She cleared her throat and took another sip of the sports drink to bring a pleasant taste back.

"You're not holding me up." A smile quirked at the corner of his mouth, and she was glad to have said something right. His gaze quickly changed as he looked her over. "I'll leave, though, if you want to be alone," he hesitated and started to rise from his seat, and before she knew it she'd blurted out for him to stay.

Owen immediately froze, his mouth slightly ajar.

"Stay," she said again more clearly, processing her words this time. "I want you to...if you want to," she finished, finding it hard to keep eye contact with him. Her heart beat harder, and she felt the repercussions of it in her pounding headache.

Owen relaxed back into his seat, keeping his gaze locked on Claire.

"I want to," he replied softly. She noticed his eyes doing that twinkling thing again, and she had to look away. She scolded herself internally for her weakness.

"Then it’s settled," she ended, composing her thoughts and shifting the pack against her other temple.

Claire's stomach dropped when she saw a cheeky grin spread across his face.

"Never thought I'd live to see the day Claire Dearing admits she wants me around," he said, leaning into her space with his elbows on the table, and she instantly regretted making him feel comfortable in this situation. She ignored the musky scent that filled her space and rolled her eyes halfheartedly, her head feeling funny when her eyes went too far back.

"Don't make me regret asking you to stay," she warned, turning her head away from him and leaning against her other hand. "Can't imagine what would make me ask you to stay in the first place," she continued despite herself. "Oh, yeah, maybe the delusion from having my brain fried in the sun," she finished her statement by giving him a pointed look before turning back around. She closed her eyes, resisting the urge to roll them when she heard him chuckling behind her.

"Yep. You must be feeling better if you're already picking a fight with me," he laughed.

Shifting in her seat, she attempted to kick him under the table.

Owen scoffed.  "Ms. Dearing, that is the most unprofessional behavior I've ever witnessed." Owen faked offense.

"Then good thing no one's here to witness," she replied easily without any strength behind the statement.  She turned back to face front, eyes blinking before falling inevitably closed, her headache still evident.

"I'm afraid I'm gonna have to take this up with the boss," he continued.

She turned to Owen this time and opened her eyes, half-lidded, and smiled slightly.

"Lucky for me, then, I'm the boss." She held his stare and her smile grew when he cracked a toothy grin. Only then did she twist back front to rest.

There was a moment’s pause between them and then Owen spoke up again.

"Is that still cool enough for you?" he asked.

"Mm, 's fine," she hummed and continued resting. She took another drink from the bottle and they sat in silence for a few minutes, Claire dozing off with her eyes closed and Owen just watching her. She felt the table move under her arms and could tell Owen leaned more into the table top. She heard his soft sigh.

"Do you need anything?" Owen asked gently, his voice so deep and so low and so close to her that it did things to her insides.

"Mm, no," Claire hummed in response, blinking her eyes a few times before giving back into her fatigue. "Thank you."

Owen's "OK" in response was so quiet she almost didn't hear it.

She let herself fall back into their comfortable silence, content to relax in his presence.

A couple of minutes had passed when Claire suddenly felt a tickle near her bangs. Her eyelids flinched at the sensation but she never opened them. She figured that was Owen touching her hair. She didn't mind exactly and allowed him to move the invisible strand of hair from her face, sighing lightly at his delicate touch. She wasn't sure what to make of the action or the fact that she let it happen, but it felt nice all the same.

He didn't touch her again after that and sat there with her silently for the next few minutes. After some time, Claire finally started to feel more like herself, her stomach mostly settled, fatigue wearing off, and headache greatly lessened.

She blinked her eyes open, taking a moment to adjust to the light of the room. Lifting her head from her hands, she turned to see Owen sitting up straight.

She supposed she should feel a little embarrassed right now about the whole situation but she didn't.

"You feeling better?" He looked her up and down once.

"Much better, yes." She nodded lightly and slowly made to stand up out of her seat. Owen followed suit and stood tall in front of her.

She tilted her head slightly to meet his eyes. She liked being able to actually look up at his face when she spoke this time.

"I should be getting back to my office," she noted regrettably, and Owen nodded in response.

"Do you need me to drive you back?" he offered, but she assured him she would be fine driving herself.

She didn't want to leave just yet, so she kept talking. "I had been outside all day," she explained, and he looked into her eyes and waited for her to continue. "My meetings had all taken place outside, and then something unexpected came up which distracted me from lunch. Of course all this happened on the day it decided to be over 100 degrees," she finished, looking up at him and he nodded still. She couldn't look away from his stare. His hazel eyes looked brighter than she remembered, maybe from all the sun they've been getting this week.

"I'm just glad you're okay," Owen finally spoke, his voice coming out tight, and suddenly she felt their close proximity, unsure of who even closed the gap between them.

Claire cleared her throat and broke eye contact first, taking a step back. "Well, thank you, Owen." She couldn't possibly call him Mr. Grady like she usually did, not after the way he looked after her just now. She hoped the look in her eye conveyed how much she appreciated his care.

"You're welcome, Claire," he replied softly, and she met his eyes once more before turning to move towards the door. Placing her hand on the knob, she spared him one last glance, keeping the image of him smiling softly at her in her mind as she left the room.  She didn't realize she was holding her breath until she closed the door behind her and let it out.

She managed to get back to her office safely and spent the rest of the day inside, only half paying attention to her work, one, because she was still recovering from heat exhaustion, and two, if she were honest, mainly because she kept remembering Owen Grady. After the way he cared for her and stayed with her it was difficult not to let herself indulge in those thoughts just a little bit. She couldn't get the image of his stare out of her mind and pondered if she should finally give in to the urge to go on a date with him. She let her mind wander in out of those thoughts as she worked and by the end of the day, realized she didn't get nearly as much work done as she should have. If anyone asked she'd blame it on the heat, but she knew to blame it on Owen Grady.

[saeyoungchoismaid]

Exes Confront Each Other | Leviathan

this was made by the one and only @cyberbunny33​, so make sure to show her some love <3

[ how did you meet? ]

you: Through work actually!

Leviathan: Yeah, I’m an indie video game programmer and designer. (Y/n) was one of the artists that I hired for the game I was working on at the time.

you: Levi gave me the task of making his character ideas into concepts and while on a video call with him, I shared my screen with him and he noticed that one of the characters I was working on looked like his favorite character Henry from The Tale of the Seven Lords. He went fanboy mode and started rambling about the character. It was so cute!

Leviathan: Oh my god. It's the most embarrassing thing I've done in front of someone because they didn't even know what I was talking about!

you: I thought it was cute. His tangent was the reason I looked up the character and where he was from! I even made an homage of the character and got him placed in the game just for Levi.

Leviathan: That was really cool. It was cool to work on that game with them. (Y/n) made a lot of really cool NPCs to mess with and code.

you: You did really good at coding the game too and bringing the characters to life!

Leviathan: So yeah, that's how we met. I hired them, we got talking, and yeah...

[ why did you break up? ]

Leviathan: 

you: 

Leviathan: So—

you: He was the one that broke us up.

Leviathan: You broke up with me—

you: Leviathan, no. We’ve talked about this. You broke us up.

Leviathan: (Y/n), you broke up with me. All I did was bring it up!

you: You pressured me into breaking up with you!

Leviathan:

you: 

✄

you: I’m sorry. I didn't mean to yell.

Leviathan: It's okay. This was bound to bring up some…emotions.

you: Yeah, um, so technically I broke up with him. Even though I personally think he broke us up.

Leviathan: 

you:

[ what did you love most about each other? ]

you: You wanna go first? {smiles} I need some time to pick one.

Leviathan: P-Pick one?

you: Yeah. I need to figure out what I like most about you. I have too many to pick from. {giggles}

Leviathan: {flustered} O-Oh, uhm, sure I guess…

you: {turns to the camera} Isn't he adorable?

Leviathan: S-Shut up, you normie! O-Okay, so… 

you: {laughs}

Leviathan: Stop giggling! You’re making me nervous!

you: Okay, okay! I’m sorry! {smirks}

✄

Leviathan: Okay. The thing I love most about them is that they’re really confident.

you: You love that I’m confident?

Leviathan: Yeah. I love that you’re a confident person. You don't really let anything get you down and you’re just yourself which I also love. You’re so sure of yourself and aren't afraid to try new things.

you: Awe, Levi! That's so sweet!

Leviathan: Hush! You don't have to be so loud!

you: I just think it’s cute!

Leviathan: God, you’re such a tease…

you: {laughs and gives him a wink}

✄

you: Okay, my turn!

Leviathan: Kill me now…

you: Don’t be so dramatic.

Leviathan: {groans}

you: So! Out of everything, what I love most about him is that he's so passionate about the things he loves. He's never afraid to go on and on about his likes. He just looks so cute when he goes on tangents about his favorite game or how an anime that he really likes is getting a new season.

Leviathan: That's not cute, it's annoying. I'm just annoying people with my ramblings.

you: {sighs} This is what I hate about him.

Leviathan:

you: Wait, that’s a question?

[ what did you hate most about each other? ]

you: Well, would you look at that. {chuckles}

Leviathan: Wanna go first this time? Since you already mentioned it?

you: Uh, sure. Might as well right? Okay, so like I said, what I hate most is the self-loathing. Levi just puts himself down so much and I hate it. He calls himself a ‘yucky otaku’ and says he isn't worth anything. It honestly breaks my heart every time he says something like that.

Leviathan: Because I am. It's gross and annoying. How the hell did you fall for me to begin with?

you: See? Levi, this is what I meant when I said you broke us up. You told me that I shouldn't be dating you because I could do better.

Leviathan: Because you can! You’re so cute, energetic, and full of love that it would be a waste to give your love to me!

you: I'm not ‘wasting my love’ on you! I’m giving it to you because you deserve it. Why do you think I went out of my way to ask you out? We’ve talked about this…

Leviathan: I just—can we move on?

✄

you: So, what do you hate most about me?

Leviathan: Well, I don’t really hate much about you, so I had to think really hard about this, but your…confidence?

you: You love and hate my confidence? 

Leviathan: I-I don’t hate it per se, but I’m more so envious of your confidence in a way?

you: Jealous of my confidence?

Leviathan: Yeah, I think? I love that you’re sure of yourself and can stand up for things, but I also hate it because I don't have that. I don't have that same self-love you have about your body or-

you: Levi— 

Leviathan: I-I know, I know. ‘Stop talking bad about yourself.’ Sorry…

[ do you think you could try again? ]

you: We’ve argued a lot through this, but I think you know what my answer is.

Leviathan: (Y/n)—

you: Levi, I love you! I still do. I never wanted to break up with you to begin with! Please! Just give us a chance! Give me a chance to show you that you deserve to be loved!

Leviathan: I…(Y/n), I don't know. You could do so much better…

you: I don't want ‘better,’ Leviathan, I want you. You’re enough for me.

Leviathan: {flustered} 

you: Please? Let me show you this can work.

Leviathan: O-Okay, yeah. Let’s try.

you: I missed you.

Leviathan: I missed you too, angel. {smiles}

you: {shy giggle}

Lucifer: That’s all I need. {smirks}

MASTERLISTS

Exes Confront Each Other Masterlist

More with Leviathan

Tag List: @katelynwithpaint​, @buzzybeebee​, @officialdevorak​, @thesoftkittylexy​, @jungialo​, @fanfictwarrior​, @ohbbobeyme​, @zeldan7​, & @otome-otakuwu​ ✦ if you would like to be added or removed, comment or send an ask. Also, remember to tell me if you ever change your username so I can continue to tag you :)

[polandspringz]

First Impressions of Tokyo 24-Ku

Just as a warning, if you really liked the first episode, then don’t read this! I’m going to come off as very critical, and I don’t want to dampen anyone’s fun with this new original series.

Now, I had made a post before the show aired about how I was already skeptical (although I guess more interested) in Cloverworks doing a series with the main characters design being red, green, blue, and having them called RGB, because I was familiar with Cloverworks having done the music video for Yoasobi’s song RGB. I’m not linking the post because this won’t show up in the tags, but there is a famous Japanese novel that uses this RGB concept and is essentially about three friends who had a fight and went their separate ways and later reunite (or that is how it was presented in the RGB music video/song). Tokyo 24-ku takes inspiration from this in a quite obvious way, and I don’t think you can really argue otherwise that they just thought about the RGB idea since it is a prominent novel and their studio worked on something for it.

This isn’t criticism, I just wanted to explain my thoughts that I had going into the show, because I did go in ready to be every critical of it. Tokyo 24-ku just uses that as a baseline idea and for the character designs, and has its own distinct identity with a sci-fi esque action plot. I was interested to see what they would do, especially it’s an anime original, and I always want to support those.

However, this is Cloverworks. The last year has been very rough on their image as a studio, with Promised Neverland S2 last January, and then the amazing set up of Wonder Egg Priority to the way it crashed and burned in the finale. I would argue that they’ve been struggling with their projects since Persona 5 the Animation (their first after branding themselves differently from A-1 Pictures). Cloverworks obviously has some very talented animators working under their name, and are doing a good job welcoming original stories and ideas. But, with their track record, I was very concerned when I saw their lineup for Winter 2021. They are spread across three series again- Tokyo 24-ku, My Dress Up Darling, and Akebi-chan no Sailor Fuku.

So going into the pilot, I was looking out for a few things: 1) How would the work set itself apart as an original with the knowledge that it was somewhat based/inspired by a novel? 2) How will the animation look? 3) Should I be concerned by too much good animation? 4) And just general story telling flaws with it being a risk to create an original story and not having a source to adapt from.

So, now my actual thoughts on the episode.

I didn’t like it. The set-up/plot is interesting, and I probably will keep watching to see how it goes. The one hour runtime was something I didn’t realize until around fifteen minutes in, and while it acts as a good pilot, the pacing bothered me. Mainly once the big conflict of the episode started, once the three protagonists got the phone call and began to take action, everything seemed to be taking off. Aoi started running to the tracks, jumping onto buildings to avoid traffic, but then he started doing flips and parkour. Tension would start and it seemed like we were just going to rush to the scene but then Kouki had to stop and talk to the assistant, and every time we would start taking action to solve the problem, we had to stop and explain. Aoi’s flips were obviously to show off animation to hook people in on a “cool scene”, but I was so frustrated because he was wasting time by not just running across the rooftops, but jumping down to hop on street signs and then go back up a building again. If we were so short on time, it just broke my immersion. 

And while there were a lot of well animated shots (the ear shot was kind of gross but well animated) the reason I’m concerned is Cloverworks did a ONE HOUR SPECIAL PULLING OUT ALL THE STOPS and they still have to animate two other shows this season. With their track record of submitting WEP’s episodes minutes before they were supposed to air, I am extremely worried to see them going all out like this. I get that they are probably doing this because it is an original, and its a risk so they need to hook people more. That’s the same reason why I believe that Cloverworks decided to “let TPN S2 sink so WEP could continue to float” because they had a serious story to tell in WEP and they could not let it crumble (until the finale of course). I am worried that we will see Tokyo 24-ku’s quality drop, or the other shows will also have great pilots and then they all will start fall apart across the episodes until they pick only ONE to focus on. I said this last year when discussing the issues with TPN and WEP, but compared to other studios, Cloverworks is based mainly in one building, they don’t have three to four studios like Bones, and they were just a small side studio from A-1 until they broke off. The backlash against Cloverworks last year is also why I believe they are working with Wit Studio on Spy X Family, another studio that is struggling (but financially). I think the parent company(/companies) might have decided that it was for the best to have both these studios work together to help them both from collapsing.

TLDR: When the big running sequence started at the end of the episode as Aoi went to rescue Mari, I was crying because I already thought about how they had blown their budget.

But, back to Tokyo 24-ku. I was unable to really get into the first episode. The character designs were nice and I do like the art style of Kanoko Noko (I love Prince of Stride), but some of the women looked a little strange in their proportions. I’m also a bit confused because on the official promotional art, the protagonists’ eye colors all match their hair (green w/ green, blue w/ blue, etc.), but in the actual show they’re mixed and matched (green w/ red, blue w/ green, etc.) There’s also the fact that the show starts in 2020, and goes into 2021, so while it is an alternate universe where the pandemic couldn’t have happened, it also breaks immersion. While I’m sure some scenes are building to something greater, some of the scenes were a bit odd. Like the opening scene of the kid getting hit by a car, and then in the flashback where the protagonists are just standing there and then someone punches the other. They both made me laugh at their suddenness, but should I have laughed at that? I laughed because they felt awkward. But those are my more minor gripes with the first episode, so I’ll leave it at that.

[blee-bleep]

Though I disagree vehemently about your take I'm also very curious of your arguments for why you think Akko is such a bad character?

Anon, you have no idea what you just fucking asked of me. Time for a review! This is going to be hella’ long. 

Vanilla Character that insists that she has personality

So the one thing I’m going to start off with is; The Relatable/Vanilla Protagonist Syndrome. This is the syndrome that is used for most main characters in order to have a clean-slate character that is basically the audience in order to promote the world-building in the series by having them absolutely no clue of what is the world around them. That is what Akko exactly is, and that is what Trigger abuses her out of. 

Little Witch Academia is an anime that focuses solely on world-building, so much so that they’re willing to pile over their characters in order to show what magic can do. 

(And apparently for Trigger, world-building also means learning who the author of a 200-yo Twilight spinoff book is and who was Holbrooke’s dad)

But the point is, the anime is a pile of boring trash fire that focuses on world-building, even from its original exposition of the OVA. It uses the pattern of ‘theme/problem of the week’ in half of the series with arcs going nowhere for a while and suddenly rushes an epiphany in the last few episodes. *cough ep 15*

The point with world-building serialization is that it needs a way to be promoted, and what way for it to promote is to get Akko to fuck around with it. As her job as the protag, that’s exactly what she does for more than half of the series. She’s like a stretchy character that is carried by the plot with gross insistence from the show that she has character (which is being stubborn and clumsy that is written off as ‘passionate’).

What’s worse is Trigger has all these ideas yet none of them are polished to its fullest (like the political divide between witches and modern government) or is overlapped by some bullshit to add because Japan. (seriously, a hunting-themed episode with cool lore, and yet a third of the episode is all about robots and building it? What the fuck?)

See, that’s why I think Akko is a horribly written character, not her character itself (if that were the case then I would’ve ditched the show the first episode) but because how she’s executed with it for the show. She’s constantly pulled by different bullshit the show comes up and makes her pull the answers the episode needs out of thin fucking air just because the writers said ‘fuck you’ to development and that they need to end the problem at some point right?

If characters can’t be tied correctly to the worldbuilding then there’s a chance that the character themselves would break, because it just can’t often work with what you’ve already placed in the previous episodes you’ve set up in the first place. Arcs overlap with each other and LWA doesn’t do shit for that until it needs a banging climax. 

Akko is constantly renewed and she learns nothing from what she learned (or at least hints of it), except for the metamorphosis bullshit and Shiny Rod. Which brings me to my next point on why Akko is such a horrible character.

Shiny Rod is a Leech

This thing is basically the plot device that Akko is so tied to. If there’s ever an episode where it solely focuses on Akko herself, it’s often related to either Shiny Rod or Chariot du Nord, which is the shittiest way to limit a character with so much exposition with everything the series has thrown at her. The only other way the series doesn’t do this to her is Diana in episode 12, but it isn’t even focused on her, it’s focused on the cabbage and her Draco Malfoy syndrome.

Anyways, were an episode be connected to Akko in some way, it’s always limiting to her duty as the holder of the Shiny Rod and the occasional situation from Chariot. Not from her friends, who she clearly relates to and has more history with, but with the Shiny Rod and Chariot.

The series lazily signs this as Akko’s resolution to her character by the last episode (FUCK THAT) and does nothing else with her relationship with other characters outside of Diana and Chariot. Honestly, you’d expect that after going through Sucy’s mind and visiting Lotte’s hometown, she would’ve grown as a better character and more than being a two-dimensional ‘chosen-one’ character who only gets an episode if it focuses on the plot-device that pulled her in the magical world in the first place. 

But no, Trigger is still insisting pies, weird shops, and other boring stuff needs to be shown for the series to make it interesting, and dumps the idea to the next. An arc is never properly made for all the shit they let Akko go through because the series is so fast-paced in the wrong places. And when it does focus on what is important (more important than finding about Nightfall’s author), it’s usually done spontaneously thus eliminating the suppose suspense that the single important thing is supposed to do *I HATE EPISODE 15 WHAT THE FUCK*

The point is, Akko is just a ‘believing heart’. A holder of Shiny Rod, who managed to get under Chariot without her knowing. It’s like she’s Midoriya (My Hero Academia) but much watered down and if you take that away from her, she has nothing, when out of all the stuff she could’ve had.

What LWA’s writers hadn’t realized is that what they actually wrote for Akko is what could’ve been her focus but Trigger insists for the world-building theme is that Akko’s arc should only come in the climax and the filler episodes are for her friends because you know, it won’t be more interesting that way and now they have a main protagonist that’s actually interesting beyond their design and suppose-personality. 

Thus I’m next to my last bullshit:

Akko, the Wasted Potential™

I recently rewatched Citrus lately, and though the show is much narrow than LWA’s world of magic, I realized what actually makes it better than it in ways that the latter fails. And it’s their protagonist.

I know you guys will trash about Yuzu being a simp and all, and I absolutely agree with that, but what makes Yuzu better than Akko is not because she’s more down-to-earth, but she has a three-dimensional mindset, a mindset which is the very thing kept away from Akko. 

While Yuzu may not have been pushed into a world of magic by the neck and gets dragged by the plot as violently as Akko (and the two very different themes of the two shows of course), but if you pull those away, their passion are nearly built the same. What differs them both is that Yuzu actually acts out what she needs to do and builds a steady relationship with the other characters around her, even if it’s very subtle and small. (Like, Harumin being her wicked hot sidekick? God yes, top-tier Gyaru)

Akko, on the other hand, literally goes into one of her best friend’s mind in a poison-induced coma and gets shoved into her other best friend’s culture by visiting her hometown. You might think she’d grow from that and realize what it takes to be a better character, right? WRONG.

Of course, Trigger uses these things as filler episodes and nothing more. It doesn’t reflect on Akko’s character because she’s not allowed to think like it should. Though the show would insist she has personality, it does the opposite when Akko’s only character is only used as ‘believing heart’ for the Shiny Rod and nothing much else, because the only times when they do get her a new attitude is dropped off right after.

It would’ve been cool if they dropped the world-building theme for a bit and focus on how they should make the characters much more interesting than having their personalities as the root problems of episodes. 

When I first watched LWA, I had so much more expectation for the characters themselves, especially Amanda O’Neill after her introduction in episode 3. But came episode 5 and then she… didn’t really matter that much despite being in half of the episode. And she didn’t have another one not until 11 episodes later. Imagine making and hyping up such a unique character and barely giving her screentime of three episodes! That’s one of the grossest things you can do in baiting lesbians, Trigger! 

And it doesn’t stop at Amanda; it applies to almost every other character. Chariot is the pink-print disappointment of a hyped character that didn’t have enough time. She’s a plot-device character that everyone was anticipating but she’s barely given the after of a shitty episode 14 (that has another completely different problem altogether). Episode 15 was literally the worst you could’ve done to make a twist because a) the development leading to that revelation was undercooked, and especially shitty because the show basically used Croix as a plot device, b) it’s done nearly towards the end of the series so the timing for her hype was weirdly placed, and c) Chariot’s personality from that episode is being used repeatedly just to let Akko become a sitting duck. 

So yeah, Trigger was so focused on the concept of world-building and making magic look as interesting as possible that the idea that maybe the characters would flat-out look bleak was not in their cone of vision. Akko was fundamentally a boring protagonist because she keeps getting pulled apart and has not ingrained anything in that, and to rub salt into the wound, she becomes so used to it that when Croix set her up with the Wagandea trap, Chariot has to intervene and at the cost of her flight powers, which does not help their characters one bit.

Akko is a shitty protagonist Trigger shredded apart just for their sake of world-building and she has learned nothing from what the show has thrown at her because the writers didn’t think she needed it, because, in the first place, it’s not about her. It’s about the Shiny Rod and completing Chariot’s story (which is half-assed in its own way). Lord knows how they botched her to the point she’s blank. She’s nothing more than a ‘believing heart’ and if Trigger just keeps there, that’s forever what she is. And that, in itself, is why I think Akko is a horrible character.

[verytiredblob]

You know something I have been thinking a lot about lately?

Mineta Minoru.

Why is the grape boy so hated even though there are a lot of other pervert characters in anime that are still loved and defended by their fandom?

Anyone that reads BNHA knows one of the most popular tropes in the entire fandom. Expelling Mineta, if not straight up killing him. And usually, replacing him for the Superior Purple Boy™ Shinsou.

And yet, this is literally never seen in Naruto fics with Jiraiya, or Dragon Ball with Master Roshi, or even the worst offender in my opinion, Meliodas from Nanatsu no Taizai.

Hell, even in the BNHA fanfics, Kaminari never gets punished, and he's pratically always with Mineta being a pervert, tricking the girls to wear cheerleader outfits and tricking Izuku into going to 'train' at the pool just so these two can ogle at the girls in bikinis.

I've seen people saying that it's because of the character design, since he is not a "bishounen" like Kaminari is. I've seen it's because he actually gropes someone once, and is always trying to be a terrible pervert, but then again so does Meliodas, and in even worst ways. I've seen someone say he was a pedophile for making that one infortunate comment about Eri on how she should contact him when she's older, which fair, but again, Jiraiya and his blatant gawking at a transformed 13 years old Naruto, even though he's like 50.

So what truly makes him that unforgivable? I think I finally got it.

He has no character other than being a pervert.

No likes, no dislikes, no dreams. The closest thing to a skill is that he is very academically inteligent. That's it. That's all there is to him.

Jiraiya, Meliodas, Master Roshi, Kaminari, all of them are not just "dirty perverts". They're people, cool people, that contribute to the plot and that have several good things attached to them.

Go on, try to think something about Mineta that isn't "Grape Nasty Pervert Boy".

Impossible.

And you know what? That makes me sad. Simply because he's such a wasted character. He's got a cool quirk, an interesting character design, and yet the only think he is useful in the story for is for you to laugh when he gets tied up by someone else for being gross.

So, I decided to give this poor bastard an actual character, and I'll strive to actually use him in all BNHA fics I post as much as I try to use the other background characters, like Tokoyami, Shouji, Hagakure, Kouda, etc..

I'll give him a backstory. A family. A dream. Likes and dislikes. Fears. Actual skills that aren't just a gag.

I'll try to write him growing up and learning and becoming better while still keeping him as in character as I can.

Because he, like all the other 1-A kids, is still a child that can become something good, and if this bloody fandom can make redemption plots for All for One, Overhaul and Muscular, then I can try to make one for this brat that was done so utterly dirty by Horikoshi.

[snkpolls]

SnK Episode 61 Poll Results (for Manga Readers)

The poll closed with 359 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note that these are the results for the Manga Readers’ poll. If you wish to see the results for the Anime Only Watchers’ poll, click here. 

---

RATE THE EPISODE 347 Responses

While this episode wasn’t as big of a hit as episode 60, overall most viewers still enjoyed the content and are looking forward to more next week!

amazing amazing! I'm so delighted with this season so far!

Im so beyond pumped i love everything

Dissapointing but acceptable.

I’m like angry I loved it so much.

I just wish we didn't have to wait a week

It was amazing. We all gotta apologize to MAPPA for ever doubting them.

It's a huge stepdown from episode 1. At times the animation was straight up painful to watch. My expectations were low and yet I'm still disappointed :/

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING WAS YOUR FAVORITE SCENE/MOMENT? 349 Responses

Reiner-centric scenes were the highest on people’s radar, with 24.9% of respondents enjoying his reunion with the warrior cadets, and not far behind, 22.9% enjoyed Reiner bringing up the 104th at the dinner table. In third, with only 13.5%, was Pieck and Porco’s formal introduction to the audience. 

Hearing Zeke greet his grandparents with such happiness warmed my heart. I do believe that he loves them. 

They just had to add one last image of Ymir's broken face before she died, huh? :(

WE FORGOT TO ASK LAST WEEK D: WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING SCENES/MOMENTS FROM EPISODE 60 WAS YOUR FAVORITE? 348 Responses

Last week we forgot to include what your favorite scenes were. The scene from episode 60 that got the most favor was Reiner’s, “I’m sick and tired… of walls” with 33.6% of the vote. 16.7% most enjoyed Zeke’s titan transforming scream. 14.9% were hyped about Reiner and Porco wrecking Fort Slava.

MAPPA WENT ALL OUT WITH THE CINEMATOGRAPHY IN THIS EPISODE. WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE CINEMATIC PANS AND ROTOSCOPE ANIMATION? 349 Responses

Overall, a total of 74.5% respondents have positive feelings about MAPPA’s use of rotoscope animation and camera panning. Some felt like it was akin to watching a movie, while others are just happy to have the dynamic movement. A smaller amount of respondents didn’t have feelings one way or another, and a minority (about 10.3%) really are not a fan of this type of animation style for the series.

It felt odd sometimes as they used it for long scenes (like Udo talking or Gabi telling the story to her family) but overall it was pretty great and I prefer it to WIT's stale animation during season 3

I liked the more dynamic movement during dialogue, but my roommate found it super awkward and off-model. So a fifty-fifty split in a sample size of two lol

It could have been animated better, but I like the extra dimension it gives to scenes

Enjoyed it a lot! However, there were a few scenes that felt a bit off, like some frames were missing. Specifically, when Udo was doing all those gestures while talking with the rest of the Warrior Candidates.

It felt dynamic to the point of looking unnatural - some gestures and expressions just moved wrong

i'm split, in some scenes it was great (like reiner waking up), but in the dialogue scenes the constant movement seemed kinda unnatural and distracting

It was amazing but at the same time I'd didn't look fluid enough, especially at Udo's mouvements which made the character look kind of...video game-ish in constant moving. 

I thought it looked great the rotoscoping,the movements all looked amazing

The animation during Urdu’s scene is so cool!  I was caught of guard at first though lol. It’s so realistic!

NOW THAT WE’VE GOTTEN TO HEAR A LITTLE MORE OF THE NEW OST TRACKS, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE SOUNDTRACK SO FAR THIS SEASON? 344 Responses

So far, reception to the newer music is overall positive. 31.1% are really enjoying the music and think the songs are being used immaculately, and 40.4% really feel that the song choice compliments the scenes they’ve been used in. 13.1% think the songs are good, but miss having that sole Sawano feel to them. 10.8% just feel the music is “ok” and 2.6% aren’t a fan of the new OST tracks so far. 

I mean it sounds good, but we haven't gotten to important moments that require a memorable track, so we'll see!

First episode slapped because it really complemented the scene but it's more... generic. I didn't like how it was used in this episode, there wasn't enough of it and again, generic. I miss Sawano's unreal scores.

the animation absolutely blew me away, and i love the intense music that played during Reiners monologue 

The music is fine.

I've heard both new and old songs from the previous seasons. Still too soon to make an opinion as we need to hear more.

I am deaf, I can't hear no damn soundtracks 

That music guys when they came back to Liberio and reuniting with they parents, made me tear up but also because the scouts never had the chance to go back home with victory in the arms of their family, I wish I could have seen EMA like this.. It kinda felt unfair X) but I was happy for them nevertheless.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE CLOSEUP OF ZEKE’S MOUTH? 346 Responses

Our first of probably too many crack questions in this poll, 32.7% thought the closeup of Zeke lighting his cigarette was cool looking. 21.4% are concerned about Zeke’s lung health. 19.1% are probably annoyed with us and simply don’t care (lol). 13.3% wouldn’t mind smooching Zeke, and 11% were just plain grossed out.

Does smoke even affect a titan shifter? Surely his lungs just heal themselves

ASMR for the eyes, right there. Aww yiss

It was awesome! Zeke is shown as relaxed person with a big drop of mystery. 

Smoking Bad but he is gonna die in a year anyway

Suuuuuuucc

It might've just been an artistic choice to include it in there, but i gotta say I'm oddly fascinated and idk why

I don’t remember it lol

I didn't even notice.

Zeke looks hotter than he has ever looked

WHAT’S YOUR OPINION ABOUT ELDIAN ASSES? 341 Responses

Most of the responses seemed to feel rather positively about Eldian asses, with almost 40% seeking out Zeke’s ass wiping technique. About 17% simply stated their appreciation for them, while almost 13% are just thirsty. In contrast, a little over 17% seemed confused to the question’s inclusion and about 10% were confused outright. 

MAPPA WHERE IS PIECK'S ASS

More into Eldian thighs, really

I bet Levi’s is nice

If only Eren had one

zeke has the energy of a straight man who doesn't wash his ass

Only Shadis' ass

GIVE IT TO ME 😏😏

They are like normal, human asses. Do not turn them into some magical, special snowflakes, just because they belong to Eldians. 

Seek help

Enough

DO YOU WANT REINER TO GIVE YOU A HEAD PAT? 343 Responses

A definitive majority, almost 59 percent, openly expressed enthusiasm for the prospect of a head pat from Reiner. However, a near 30% fraction of responders didn’t seem too happy about this recent chain of less than serious questions. We’re sorry about that. 😅. The rest either didn’t seem interested in said prospect or noted they wouldn’t care either way.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE DECISION FROM MAPPA TO CONDENSE REINER’S FLASHBACK INTO (PRESUMABLY) A SINGLE EPISODE? 346 Responses

It would appear that the majority of those who took our poll express cautious optimism at the prospect of seeing all (or the vast majority) of Reiner’s backstory being adapted into a single episode, with a near 47% supporting the move, thinking it could make the narrative “more coherent”. Almost 20% argue it would work better pacing wise. On the flipside, just over 17% state that they would rather have a more accurate adaptation to the manga. 11.6% simply say they have no opinion. There were also more than a few write-ins.

I do wish everything could be animated to full detail, but pacing and structure will benefit here

They've done a good job so far, so I'll reserve judgement until I actually watch it.

It will be difficult as they're chapters with loads of dialogue, but they can pull it off if unnecessary stuff gets cut out or changed in some type of way (like watching Marcel's death for the sixth time, them breaking through the wall or even Jean and Eren fighting) 

If they get the pacing right, then the rearrangement will be for the better.

Reiner flashbacks + Reiner suicide attempt + Falco meeting "Kruger" (more than 2,5 chapters) in a single episode? HELL NO! WTF MAPPA!  

Worried and cautiously optimistic.

At least it looks like they're going to stick to just one episode for the RBA flashback. It was mostly just filler anyway, so there was never any need to stretch it out and waste precious time getting back to the Paradis side of the story

I doubt that that's exactly how it is, but if so, then I don't think that that's a wise idea

It’s gonna be rushed as hell

Reiner flashback is very long and there is tons of dialogue, so I dont know how its going fit in only one episode, but if they can make it work then its fine for me

WHICH CHARACTER DESIGN DID YOU LIKE BEST IN COMPARISON TO THE MANGA? 346 Responses

This question gave us a somewhat evenly split pie chart, but Porco nonetheless managed to gain the bigger piece with just over 55%. Surely due to that bomber jacket and haircut. Nearly 45% picked Pieck (gottem) instead. Must have been the somewhat inconsistent nose. 

WHO’S SEIYUU DID YOU LIKE BEST? 335 Responses

On the flip side, 68.4% seemed to prefer Pieck’s soft voice. Porco with his (how the hell does Porco sound like… how can you describe his voice) managed to win the hearts of 31.6% of responses.

Pieck voice wtf? I imagined Pieck with a more Hanji-ish voice, not this sweet and high pitched.

DID MAPPA DO PIECK’S NOSE JUSTICE? 345 Responses

The debacle over Pieck’s POWERFUL nose gave us quite a colorful pie chart. Almost 39% of responses noted that Mappa was on point with Pieck’s nose for most of the episode. Afterwards, 26.7% stated that they thought that Mappa got it right only in some points of the episode. On the flip side, another 26.7% thought that Mappa was generally quite on point throughout the entire episode. A small minority (7.8%) thought that Mappa simply did a poor job. 

The animation is good, and while I don't want to complain, I have a small problem with the drawings themselves. I feel like they lack precision (like Pieck's nose, idk if that's clear).

I'm grateful for Pieck's nose. I always respected Isayama for drawing imperfect characters, because this way he has made them to look more realistic. Even though Pieck has so-called imperfect nose, she is still absolutely gorgeous. Her imperfections are part of what makes her beautiful and unique.

PORCO’S HAIR - WERE YOU TEAM RED HAIR OR BLOND HAIR? AND ARE YOU HAPPY WITH HIS ANIME COLOR SCHEME? 345 Responses

A far less controversial debacle concerned Porco’s hair scheme. The folks supporting a Blond color scheme were universally content with his hair color (all 57.4% of team Blond). On the flip side, an almost universal approval was also present from team Redhead (13.6% of those supported his blond hair color). 27.5% of the responses seemed to care not about this issue at all, however.

NOW THAT WE KNOW PORCO BETTER IN THE MANGA, DO YOU THINK HE WOULD HAVE *ACTUALLY* DONE A BETTER JOB THAN REINER IF HE HAD INHERITED THE ARMOR AND WENT TO PARADIS? 348 Responses

Porco inheriting the Armored Titan is a rather interesting what-if scenario. Perhaps of the most interesting as a whole, so it’s no surprise to see a rather divided opinion of those who took our poll. A little over 36% believe that Porco doing a better job than Reiner on Paradis is a definite possibility. Just over 24% believe it’s not likely Porco would have done better than Reiner. On the flip side, 21.6% think that is is likely Porco *would* have a more successful conduct on the island. 9.2% believe that Porco’s success is a given and in opposition to that, 8.9% think that Porco’s success would have been basically impossible.

HOW ABOUT IF PIECK HAD GONE TO PARADIS WITH THE WARRIORS? 346 Responses

Much less division here, however. 70.5% of responders believe that Pieck’s possible trip to Paradis (in the initial attack) would have not have resulted in a given “mission success” for the Warriors, although she would have been a rather useful ally. Nearly a quarter, on the other hand, think that Pieck’s inclusion would have ended the story right then and there. The rather small minority of the other responders think that Pieck would not have been useful had she participated in the mission.

GABI HAS ALWAYS BEEN A CONTROVERSIAL CHARACTER. HAS MAPPA BRINGING HER TO LIFE CHANGED YOUR FEELINGS TOWARD HER? 342 Responses

64.6% of respondents overall have positive feelings toward Gabi as of right now, with 39.5% having already been enjoying her character throughout the manga. 25.1% now view her more positively with her being brought to life. 20.2% don’t really care about Gabi either way, and 11.7% feel very negatively toward Gabi, without the anime swaying their opinions. 

Gabi still sucks

Sakura ayane as gabi is probably the best thing to happen to me all year

WITH SUCH A DIALOGUE-HEAVY ARC, CUTS WERE INEVITABLE. WHICH CUTS WERE YOU DISAPPOINTED IN, AND WHICH CUTS CAN YOU LIVE WITH?

Overwhelmingly, the scenes that were most missed by manga readers were “Pieck walking on all fours/scaring Porco”, “Zeke mentioning the Ackerman Clan”, “Reiner’s smirk when his family talks about ‘Island Devils’”, and “The imagery of Eren and Armin wrecking ships”. Smaller character details, such as Reiner mentioning how he acted like Marcel on Paradis, Gabi wishing to understand Reiner’s feelings, Falco pointing out how Reiner almost had the Armor taken from him, were also very missed by manga readers, although just less so. 

General Calvi talking about Zeke’s loyalty, Gabi getting praise from her parents when they reunite, and Magath trashing the Marleyan navy, were moments that many respondents didn’t feel strongly about one way or another, or felt that these were details that weren’t really needed anyway. 

Cutting the scene where Falcon talks about why Reiner kept the AT was really bad.  Also the table scene could have been better. Some imagery when Reiner was describing the 104th and his smirk.

The cuts the anime has done made the spectators less informed about some story background stuff. This is in order to direct attention to the marley's eldians planning how to overcome the world's disparagement towards the power of the titans. 

I'm sad they cut the gate guards. They humanize the marleyans a bit. Hope they add their scenes next episode and do them justice.

I hope we will get the Gabi/Reiner talk about understanding each other through PATHS when she eats him next episode

Gimme crawling best giiiirl

MAPPA cut Pieck's ass so this episode wouldn't be so ass centered with Zeke's ass wiping technique. This is my theory lol

Great episode but U was so looking forward to the Reiner scene talking about Paradis “devils”. In the mange it was a powerful scene really adding to the duality of Reiner and the pain he has, and the animation did not do it justice. Plus some parts of his speech were probably hard to understand for a non mange reader without the flashback. (Like which one is referring to Jean for example).  I really wish it had been better delivered

IS THERE ANY CHANCE WE’LL SEE SOME OF THESE CUTS ANIMATED IN A LATER EPISODE? 342 Responses

them into different scenes. Overall, the majority answered a big, fat, “maybe.” 15.8% are confident that what’s done has been done, and 12.6% are more optimistic that MAPPA will find a way.

Overall I was a bit disappointed. I feel like the amount of material cut from every conversation included really added up overall and gave it a very rushed feel to me. I really hope they add it all in later.

ON THE FLIP-SIDE, WHICH ADDITIONS/CHANGES DID YOU LIKE/DISLIKE?

The changes and additions that MAPPA made were overall viewed very favorably, with the scene of Porco and Pieck interacting with the warrior cadets being the most liked addition. This is followed closely by the overall character movement during dialogue scenes, the small detail about Pieck’s father being unwell, and Gabi shouting “Watashi!” on the train.

I loved the additional details made it very emotional

IT WAS A GREAT TIME TO BE GALLIPIECK TRASH

Sneakier Eren's a nice addition too

Porco my boiii I'm so happy he's here 💖💖💖💖 if mappa is adding some extra scenes then gimme more of gallirei 👀

WHICH SCENE FROM THE PREVIEW ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO? 338 Responses

Unsurprisingly, 42% of respondents are hyped about Kenny’s brief return and Annie’s unlikely encounter with him in the Underground. 22.2% are eager to get that sweet Reiner angst as he is rejected by his Marleyan father. 17.8% are looking forward to Reiner’s training days.

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE?

great! it was inevitable they would cut stuff but it hasn't changed any major plot point or thing i would want to see desperately 

It was just really great to see the scenes animated, it adds another level of depth and understanding to the story I believe. 

Loved anime-onlies missing Eren completely. Some even thought it was him but then noticed the leg and thought against it

I think it was very well done. Just need a little getting used to with MAPPA on the reins now. I think MAPPA added some scenes to show how those Eldians over there are still just human after all and they have their own problems to deal with. 8/10 episode.

I feel like they took a lot of emotion way from reiner. made him seemed stoic and determined to go to the island even though in the make he looked scared about having to return. 

I thought the rotoscoping was really well done! I’m happy with the pacing, the fact that the episode felt like it went by fast is good considering it was dialogue based.

Incredible. The direction, the cinematic quality, we are feasting. MAPPA is elevating the story beyond anything I could have imagined! I'm beyond hyped for the rest!! But where is asshole Marley guards/Hobo!Eren's appearance as a favorite moment?!

Incredible, it adapts the source material very well while adding some touches that make it unique in it's own way. As a manga reader, I'm really glad that they're doing this because it feels like a completly different experience from reading it and makes me excited on what changes or directing choices they're going to make during the course of the season, great job so far MAPPA!

Such an amazing episode. Made 20mins feel like 5. MAPPA is doing fantastic. The characters have never felt more alive and the animation style is something I never knew I wanted until now. 

I can't believe they didn't cast Mads Mikkelsen to voice Mads Mikkelsen

The episode was good but the dinner scene didn't do justice to the manga. It didn't have the same feeling to it. I saw a lot of anime onlys thinking Reiner was just trying to talk shit about the 104th. I feel like the flashbacks during that part in the manga gave it a nostalgic feeling that helped convey what he truly felt about his time on the island. His facial expressions were not quite there either. Specially sad because it was the moment I was expecting the most this episode and because it's a big part of Reiner's character, maybe next episode can kind of fix this.

I haven't seen the anime only poll results, but given personal conversations with them I imagine quite a few could care less about the Warriors and are looking forward to the 104th showing up to stir shit up. Boy are those folks in for a treat :)

I knew I'd feel more attached to all of them once they got animated. I didn't expect getting real thirsty for Lainah.

I was so happy with how much detail MAPPA put into the background scenery. Also, I think that an underrated moment during this episode was the Marlian douchebag triggering the Eldian soldier’s PTSD. You could really feel their terror, and THEY KEPT THE HOBO EREN PART IM SO HAPPY!

Its consistently very pretty and well animated which is great of course, but I worry the team won’t be able to maintain this quality for some of the meatier scenes in the later episodes. The fast pace of the episode (compared to the manga) as well as the many cuts make it a bit harder for scenes to stick, I wish there was a bit more breathing room at times. This also makes the fancy animation and frequent rotoscoping cuts feel less impactful for me—with every scene being cut down to its core ingredients, and every scene having at least one cut with more motion and energy than we’re used to, I can’t help but feel it all kind of mashes together without sticking out as much, leaving less of an impact. (I feel really really weird actually complaining about good camerawork/animation, what the hell lol) Also hobo <3

Plenty of questions about ass but no questions about the full ED? Or how we thought the episode did at hiding Eren in plain sight?

rip Reiner's chocolate abs :'(

The episode wasn't as interesting as the first one. I was yawning from time to time. Yet, I think that Mappa did a great job, because it's hard to animate full of  dialogues chapters. I was disappointed of the fact that flashbacks from Paradis have been cut. I hoped to see Sasha, Connie, Ymir and Marco while Reiner was speaking about them. Without the flashbacks we just got the dry speech and this way hard to say what Reiner is really thinking about people he met on Paradis. We - as manga readers - already are aware of his feelings, but anime onlies may not know and see Reiner as cold hearted person. I'm not complaining over animations or the OST tracks because no studio is perfect and some small mistakes here and there won't destroy my fun. I just sit and enjoy the episode. 

Very good, with the exception of the dinner scene, in which the director missed the mark completely with the tone.

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 328 Responses

Thank you again for participating! We’ll see you again next week!

[agirlinsearchof]

Jounouchi for the character ask thing

All righty, let’s get this started!

Why I like him: He’s a great friend to Yugi and the gang, and he has an interesting backstory that I wish would have been explored more! And he is also very likable as a person!

What I like about his appearance: He has great hair, his eyes are very warm and expressive, and I like his fashion sense! Very similar to mine!

Dub or sub name: I prefer his Japanese name, as with all anime not adapted from video games.

OTP: Wishshipping, easily. They care so much for each other, and it’s adorable how protective he is of Yugi!

NOTP: V*oletshipping. I used to not get why people shipped them at all, as they strongly dislike each other, to say the least. Reading stuff by Violetshippers makes me kinda see where they’re coming from, but I still refuse to touch anything with it. It’s nothing big enough to make me unfollow anyone, but I won’t be following, say, blogs with a lot of that ship. But good on them for changing the ship name! The old one was kinda gross.

OT3: Probably either Feathershipping or whatever Anzu/Yugi/Jounouchi is called.

Favorite card he uses: Red-Eyes Black Dragon. It’s really cool design-wise, and the concept of the archetype as a whole being using card effects to summon more powerful versions is hella cool!

Favorite moment he was in was the moment where he saved Yugi from drowning, even when he thought he was going to drown, and Shizuka saved him! It shows not only Jounouchi’s selflessness in being willing to die if it meant his best friend would survive, it also showed Shizuka’s courage!

Least favorite moment is tied between both his duels with Kaiba and the infamous dream sequence following the first one. Both duels were utterly pointless. The first one was even worse because Kaiba was trying to save Mokuba. Because he wasn’t aware that the star chips were a necessity to get into Pegasus’ castle, he didn’t make Jounouchi bet any star chips. Meaning that all Kaiba did was waste his own time and needlessly risked Mokuba’s life. And then the dream sequence simply rubbed salt in the wound, and led to one of my least favorite running gags in the Abridged Series, and dog jokes in the fandom. They’re all pointless filler and frankly I like to pretend they don’t exist.

Oh, and the FMK: I’d marry him. He’s a swell dude, and I’d like being in a relationship with a dude like him.

[faemen]

WAIT YOU DONT LIKE MIKAN OR KAITO HOW

thank you for asking! not sorry for the rambles!

tw mikan, kaito, chiaki, kaede, kokichi slander and spoilers for sdr2 and v3 under cut!

first of all, look. im not a terrible person and i know mikans backstory and literally everything but i STILL cannot fucking stand her. but unlike SOME PEOPLE im not gonna MAKE FUN OF HER TRAUMA and things.

i know she has her reasons but honestly her constant apologizing bothered me to no end and i know for a lot of people, once they saw her smile they fell in love or something, but instead i felt gross and wished she would stop. her voice is irritating too. ugh everyone makes me feel bad for hating her since i KNOW she has her reasons but i cannot. stand people like that shes so annoying and clingy and ughhh. also i get way too many requests for her constantly and i never liked her in the first place. too much fan service as well

kaito? fuck that dude legitimately! i dont even like maki all that much but it really irked me when he kept on downplaying her like that. and punching shuichi after he just WATCHED SOMEONE DIE? yes, i do think saimatsu went wayyyy too quickly to actually be meaningful, but she fucking died bc he pointed it out! anyone would cry why would you say he needs to man up tf?????? and also with joe being the exception, best friend bro type characters who cant take a hint fucking. i cannot deal with them at all bc i have too many irl who'll latch onto me and think im lonely when im alone on purpose.

i hate doing pushups and i hate this guys attitude and although i never played his chapter it honestly wouldnt have affected me at all. hes annoying and clingy and you can tell me how hes smart bc of his ultimate and that hes sexist and homophobic bc of who he was raised by but i literally dont care. its the way he acts for me. why is he even so liked i LITERALLY dont get it. he wasted his aesthetic too tf

anyways have some more bonus rants since youve activated me

chiaki. yes, yes i know that anime her and game her are different bc of her being an ai and stuff. guess what? i dont care. you can try and defend your favourites all you want, but seriously. chances are i know more than you. anyways i hated how we were supposed to care about her dying in game when all she did was kinda stand around and be helpful ig. she was way too bland and nice for me. i wont go as far as to call her a mary sue, but shes just. bleh. blehhh i dont care about chiaki at all i cannot connect to this sleepy gamer girl in any form. her execution and aesthetic are cool from a design pov but yeah. in anime form she was actually worse imo! bc in game she didnt really randomly be loved and adored by everyone, while she was way too nice. also once again WAY TOO MANY CHIAKI REQUESTS I SWEAR

kaede! you mightve been able to tell this by now but i do not like people who push friendship onto me and thats literally ALL kaede did. while valid and i dont really care about either of the characters involved, i have a personal vendetta against saimatsu bc it felt like a romance movie with how fucking QUICKLY it developed in a GODDAMN death game. if some blonde girl started talking about how shes gonna end a killing game id boot it out of there SO QUICk not stare lovingly into her eyes as we hold hands. her though, other than that bit, i do think she was killed off way too quick and she had a lot of potential. her story is cool from a writers perspective, as with the thing where she was trying to help by being positive but ended up making things worse. but she really severely overestimated herself. and from a fans pov? i fucking hate positive characters who try to make me positive. let me be a grumpy bastard in peace

KOKICHI mkay i like the other antags bc they have actual reasons but kokichi just exists to be a fucking clown. i do not like him i hate sharing a birthday and a height with him and i DO NOT GET. THE FANS. AT ALL? what is there to like? hes an annoying little bitch who wont stop laughing. OKAY BUT ONCE AGAIN. from a writers pov hes really underdeveloped bc while i appreciate his role in the story, and his morally grey character that is willing to do a lot for the greater good, his motivations do... not make sense? whatsoever? we dont know anything about his backstory PLEASE for the LVOE OF GOD stop calling him your uwu gay pg panta yandere boy. there is nothing to defend at all. yes he has a major impact on the plot but guess what. as a fans pov i literally couldnt care less. and for the final time PLEASE GET YOUR SOFTCORE PINK KOKICHI STUFF ELSEWHERE i am going to EXPLODE

thank you again!!!!!!!! and yeah blablabla youre valid for liking them just dont attack me or try to change my opinion. thanks.

[punz4lyfe]

Let’s talk about Axol

Since I already do enough blabbering for the Pokemon series, let’s go into another particular series that I’m a fan for.

So, let’s talk about Axol from SMG4.

I’ve kinda said this before in a previous blog, but Axol is honestly my favorite character out of everyone else in the SMG4 cast. He’s got a cool and unique design, Kevin Lerdwichagul gives him a pretty neat voice, I loved his whole gimmick with bringing anime characters to life, he rolls off well with many other characters, I enjoyed every second of him in the Anime Arc, and he has a super entertaining personality.

However, I personally feel with recent appearances, Axol’s character has kinda taken a nosedive for the worst. While he has lost the ability to use bring anime characters to life once the Inkweaver was broken in the Internet Graveyard, I honestly didn’t mind that change as much as others. Now that it’s been a long while since the Anime Arc has ended and we already have two characters with enough anime jokes in them as it is (Fishy and Whimpu), I feel it’s kinda nice for Axol’s character to step back from anime-jokes. Plus, him deciding to use fruit to create his new shows is honestly a funny turn to me.

My main problem with him nowadays has to do with his friendship with Melony. Before I continue on, I just want to make it clear that I don’t hate Melony. In fact, I LOVE Melony. When she was just a watermelon, I found her “Plank-like” characteristics to be amusing, and now as a human, I really find her to be both funny and enjoyable. Her design’s super cute and unlike many others, I was actually happy for her when she became human. It’s just her whole thing with Axol I have a problem with. Not only do I find the whole ship teasing between the two to be super cringe and disgusting (doesn’t help that this is the third gross interspecies ship that fans go crazy for, after Mario x Meggy and Saiko x Fishy), but how it’s played out really downplays Axol’s character.

By that, I mean that it really makes him one big simp. Normally that wouldn’t be a bad thing, but seeing Axol become an absolute simp for Melony is really sad since he used to be very flashy and Johnny Cage-like, especially during the Anime Arc. Not only that, but the large majority of the main males of the cast are already simps as well. Luigi simps for shirtless men, Bowser simps for Peach, Fishy and Whimpu simp for anime girls, and Bob and Swagmaster simp for literally anything with boobs. And while Mario, SMG4, Toad, Steve, Rob, and the Wario Bros. don’t necessarily simp for anything in particular, all of their respective obsessions in the show (spaghetti, memes, candy, chickens, corn, and money) could, in a way, be classified as technical simping due to how big all of their obsessions are.

With that said, Axol acting like a simp for her just ruins his character a little. You can easily replace him during his simping moments with either Fishy or Whimpu and nothing would change that much. Not meaning to turn this into a big Wasted Plotential blog, but if I wanted to establish a nice, platonic friendship between Axol and Melony, I would’ve done this: when Melony becomes human, due to how anime she looks, Axol could use this as a way to get his old anime fame back that he had with Inkweaver. He tries to have Melony act in anime-esque skits, but because of her sleepy nature, things don’t work out as planned. This eventually causes Axol to snap at Melony, hurting her feelings and causing the rest of the gang to resent him for that. Now guilty over yelling at Melony, Axol apologizes to her, she accepts it, and the two become friends with Axol putting his old fame life aside.

Also kinda wished he still talked with Meggy as well... since he didn’t even vocally say goodbye to her when she left for Port Aurora.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Psycho Analysis: Hol Horse

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

So last year I thought it was a good idea to try and review all of the enemy Stand users in Stardust Crusaders in a totally random order. The results were… mixed. Some of them I think came out okay, but others? Not so much. One of them was just an entire backhanded attack against some guy who decided to say “No one likes your analyses” because I think ProJared was a creep. It was, quite frankly, a mess, and I never bothered to revisit it and never thought I would, even though I still hadn’t covered the glorious, wonderful human being who is Hol Horse.

Well, now, after playing Heritage for the Future and All-Star Battle as well as just becoming a bit more knowledgeable on JJBA, I’ve decided to not only give Hol Horse his dues, but also at least briefly go back over or cover the other Stand users and give them a rating or an updated rating, as the case may be. So buckle in, this is gonna be a long one, and it’s all gonna start with everyone’s favorite incompetent henchman.

Hol Horse is probably one of the most amazing characters Araki has ever created. Hol Horse is in possession of a powerful Stand, The Emperor, which is literally a magical gun that fires bullets he can control the trajectory of. By all accounts, Hol Horse should be the single most dangerous foe that the Crusaders face, more than even Vanilla Ice. This guy should be able to shoot them all dead without a second thought! There’s just one tiny little caveat:

Hol Horse is a fucking moron.

This man is cowardly, incompetent, and just the punching bag of cruel misfortune as all his plans constantly go awry and he is constantly knocked on his ass. And yet, Hol Horse is still the most beloved enemy Stand User of Stardust Crusaders, and it’s not hard to see why. Because despite all of his bumbling, Hol Horse just oozes a sort of cool you just don’t see every day.

(For best results, listen to this the whole time while reading the following).

Motivation/Goals: Hol Horse is one of the few henchmen of DIO who is motivated purely by his own greed… at least, at first. Eventually he has his ass handed to him one too many times, and he decides to try and assassinate DIO. This goes about as well as you’d expect, and Hol Horse – not just part of it, the ENTIRE Horse – is so scared out of his mind that he decides, yep, loyalty to DIO is the way to go! It doesn’t work out, but hey, he tried, right?

Performance: Imami Williams gives Hol Horse that raspy, American charm he needs in the anime adaptation. With his voice and the animation combined, we get to see our favorite smarmy sharpshooter who can’t shoot for shit shoot his shot and miss every time, and it is simply glorious.

Final Fate: Hol Horse kidnaps Boingo and forces him to work with him to finally get his revenge! With the prophetic skills of Thoth and the raw damage that can be done with Emperor, there’s no way they could lose! And yet, as is always the case with Thoth, things go horrendously awry and Hol Horse, despite having the ability to control the trajectory of his bullets, ends up shooting himself and knocking him out of part 3 for good.

Best Scene: Really, just the entirety of the episodes where he teams up with Boingo, especially when he tries holding up Polnareff. Considering what comes after and what came before it, it’s just the dose of lighthearted fun needed before you watch all of your favorite characters get brutally murdered by DIO and Vanilla Ice,. 

Best Quote: There is only one line it could be, and it’s Hol Horse’s response to Thoth’s suggestion he kick a woman in the neck: “Listen, Boingo... I am the nicest man in the world. I have girlfriends everywhere. I might lie to a woman, but I'll never hit them! It doesn't matter how ugly they are! Because I respect women!”

That’s right, everyone. Hol Horse drinks Respect Women Juice.

Final Thoughts & Score: Hol Horse is simply astounding. The character is such a colossal screwup that he shouldn’t be as good as he is… yet he is. The dude is gifted with the most incredible power imaginable, and yet somehow he is never able to do a goddamn thing with that power! You control where the bullets go, dude! How can you not hit anything?! It’s interesting how his cowardice and lack of motivation makes him a perfect representation of the inverted Emperor tarot card, but hey, tarot motifs are par for the course with the Stand users.

But there’s something charming to how pathetic Hol Horse is. He’s always plying second banana, he’s a dirty coward who turns tail and runs when things aren’t looking good for him, he never wins a single battle, he didn’t even kill the one guy it seemed like he killed… but throughout it all he still has this sort of smarmy charisma to him that makes him impossible to hate. It’s no wonder this guy has girls all over the world, because he is a world-class charmer. There’s also how Hol Horse is just a character who really, really lives by his own personal philosophy – that is to say, he always likes to be #2, never going into a fight without backup. It’s kind of refreshing to see him always stick by this, even to his own detriment; it’s hard to hate a man who’s principled to that degree. And, of course, this man respects women. Good on him.

It helps that Hol Horse’s inexplicable popularity has led to him getting his time to shine in outside media. Heritage for the Future has two versions of him, his regular form and one that partners him with Boingo, and in skilled hands his Emperor finally gets to live up to its deadly potential. And he’s no slouch in his return appearance in All-Star Battle, and what’s more impressive is in that game he is part of the base roster while Joseph and Iggy, two of the main heroes, are relegated to DLC! You heard me right: the bumbling cowboy who did not win a single fight or even come close to it and spent a lot of time shooting himself managed to beat out out two iconic heroes from the same part onto the roster! Horsey Man must be doing something right.

As this video shows, Hol Horse is one of the most influential characters in the JJBA franchise, having helped to shape the franchise going forward and helped to inspire the traits that made beloved characters like Guido Mista, Gyro Zeppeli, and Yoshikage Kira as legendary as they are. Hell, Hol Horse is just so awesome he almost got to be a protagonist, but Araki decided that Horsey was too similar to my favorite big-titty Frenchman, Polnareff. This means Hol Horse never got his time to shine as a hero, and so stayed a villain til the end… but hey, can he really be that sad if he gets a 10/10 on Psycho Analysis?

Actually, maybe he wouldn’t like that. He likes to play second fiddle to others, after all. But I guess that’s just the curse with these JoJo villains who want to not stand out; they always end up being the best and most memorable characters.

Anyway, now that we’ve got the best of the best out of the way, it’s time for...

Psycho Analysis: DIO’s Other Henchmen

I’m just gonna give my brief thoughts on these guys. Most of them are pretty one-note oneshots, but there are a few who rise above that and manage to be something else entirely. These guys were a learning experience for Araki, and his enemy Stand users of the week definitely improved with later parts, with Vento Aureo really cranking it up to 11. 

But for now, we’re stuck with these guys.

Gray Fly: I actually stand by my opinion from my original review of him; he’s nothing incredibly memorable, but he’s a solid start to the adventure and he is directly responsible for diverting the journey onto the course it ended up going on. Without him, things would have likely played out far differently. A 5/10 is still a good score for him.

Fake Captain Tenille: He actually gets bumped down to a 2/10, due to my changes in how things are scored. He’s not amusing enough to be in the “So bad it’s good” category of the other 3s, he’s just really lame and forgettable, and he still somehow manages to lose when he has the advantage. What a dweeb.

Forever: If you think the monkey boat fight is dropping in score, you’re mistaken. Forever remains at an 8/10 for being such a delightfully weird curveball that helps set the tone for the franchise to follow.

Devo: One of the weirder playable character choices from Heritage for the Future, and certainly not one I like too much; he’s also a random event that is pretty useful in All-Star Battle’s online campaign, so that’s a good mark for him. If nothing else, he gave a good showing of Polnareff’s skills when under pressure, so… yeah. I think a 5/10 is good enough.

Rubber Soul: This review I regret because I was backhandedly responding to that guy who weirdly decided to bring up my distaste for ProJared in a review of Arabia Fats and Kenny G. I do mostly stand by what I said; Rubber Soul is one of the more amusing minor foes, if only because of his ridiculous performance as Kakyoin. Still, it really sucks he was just a clone character in Heritage for the Future… put he gets points for  having the iconic cherry-licking as a taunt. 6/10 is where he remains.

J. Geil: Again, my opinion hasn’t changed: J. Geil is a mountain of wasted potential, but at the very least he makes for a good antagonist for his brief appearance and hey, he’s the one who helped bring us the beautiful hunk of man that is Hol Horse, so I’d feel bad giving him less than a 7/10.

Nena: I honestly think Nena is one of the most boring Stand users of the part, which is sad because her episode gives Joseph the spotlight. She’s just really gross and uninteresting, and you’ll likely forget her after her episode is over. 2/10.

ZZ: ZZ is not particularly great, and his design is just there to be a joke, but it’s hard to totally hate a guy who manages to roll references to Christine, Duel, and the album cover for Eliminator by his namesake into one. I think he’s more of a 4/10, but probably on the higher end there. He’s not great, but he has enough going for him to keep me from hating him.

Enya: So if I thought that J. Geil was a waste of potential, I feel this even more so for his mother Enya. Despite being hyped up as this big, intimidating right-hand woman to DIO early on, she gets one appearance where her Stand is defeated by Star Platinum pulling a power out his ass and then is unceremoniously killed by Steely Dan of all people. I will give her this: her interactions with Polnareff are absolutely hilarious. But when all you have going for is some jokes, don’t be surprised when you end up with a 6/10, which you’re pretty much only getting because even despite the mountains of wasted potential you’re really not that bad.

She do be looking hot in the OVA tho.

Steely Dan: My opinion is unchanged; he’s a solid 7/10 oneshot douchebag. Nothing more, nothing less. His level in the PS1 game seriously blows, though.

Arabia Fats: I was too hard on this guy. While I meant everything I said, and his episode is boring filler, does it really make him a bottom of the barrel all-time worst villain? No. It just makes him a crappy joke character. 2/10.

Mannish Boy: I regret not getting to this guy last time, because aside from Forever he’s probably one of the most insane Stand user of the part, seeing as he is an infant. Like, he’s just an evil baby who can kill people in their dreams. And he gets defeated by being force fed his own crap. Much like Forever, it’s fun to speculate where exactly DIO found this guy; did he just go to a nursery and start jabbing babies with the Stand arrow? Did he meet this guy at a Cairo night club? What exactly is Mannish Boy’s origin? He’s just so utterly and hilariously inexplicable. He’s definitely a 7/10; he doesn’t quite have the shock factor that Forever did before him, but let’s not pretend an evil talking baby Stand user isn’t one hell of a weird twist.

Cameo: This guy really lives up to his name; his Stand is the one that gets the most screentime, with the actual Stand user being relegated to a – you guessed it – cameo appearance at the end of the fight. Thankfully, his Stand is an enjoyable take on jerkass genies and gives a pretty sad and disturbing episode that not only features my man Polnareff, but also marks the point where Avdol returns and brings “Hell 2 U!” I think he deserves at least a 7/10, even if this is mainly for Judgment. Still, a Stand is a representation of the user’s soul, so I think it works out.

Here’s the Stand:

And here’s the man behind it:

Midler: Midler is one of the single most interesting characters from the pre-Egypt half of Stardust Crusaders, and is the point where Stand users really started to get interesting. Her Stand, High Priestess, has a really funky and unique design, and her battle serves as the final roadblock before the Crusaders arrive in Egypt. Despite never appearing onscreen, with only her unconscious body being shown at the end of the fight in a way that obscures her, she got to appear in Heritage for the Future with an awesome sexy belly dancer design and a badass moveset that makes her a really fun character to play as. Taking everything into account, I think she just barely scrapes into the bottom of the 8/10 pool, though really this is mainly for her playable appearance.

N’Doul: My opinions really haven’t changed on him. He’s still an 8/10.

Oingo & Boingo: These guys are, in a word, hilarious. In between the grueling, brutal fight with N’Doul and the later fights in the part, these guys bring some much needed levity to the proceedings. Oingo gets an entire episode where he just completely bumbles about as he attempts to impersonate Jotaro to assassinate the Crusaders, failing at every turn and only managing to blow himself up in the end. Boingo fares a little better, eventually getting roped in to Hol Horse’s scheme to get some revenge, which leads to one of the funniest episodes of the entire series as Hol Horse and Oingo hold up Polnareff. I think they collectively get an 8/10 for being two of the funniest Stand users in the part. They even get their own unique end credits in the anime (with Hol Horse joining in on the fun when he teams up with Boingo)!

Anubis: Again, my opinion is unchanged, though I must say him having technically three playable appearances in Heritage for the Future does make me have at least a little more fondness for him. Black Polnareff, Chaka, and Khan are all amusing characters to play as and all have some awesome theme music. Introducing the concept of Stands being able to exist independently of their Original user is pretty neat, as well as the idea of a Stand that can switch users like it does. 7/10 is still what I’d give it, but I think that it’s pretty telling that this is probably the “weakest” character in the Egypt arcs in terms of being a villain, and yet he’s still pretty cool.

Mariah: Completely unchanged. She still deserves an 8/10, because her episode is hilarious, her playable appearance in Heritage for the Future is a blast, and she’s just really frikkin’ hot. I’m not gonna lie, she’s probably my second favorite enemy Stand user out of the Egyptian ones. I may or may not want her to step on me.

Alessi: I’m going to be honest here: Alessi is my favorite of the Egyptian Stand users. He’s an ax crazy coward with pedophile undertones who is just an utterly demented and sick individual with a seriously intriguing Stand that de-ages its victims. It’s a damn shame he never crossed paths with Joseph and de-aged him, but when he’s just such a hilarious and hateable lunatic with an incredibly fun playable appearance in Heritage for the Future (complete with awesomely creepy theme music!) it’s hard for me to give Alessi anything less than a 9/10. Attaboy!

Daniel J. D’Arby: My opinion is honestly unchanged, but I think I’d bump him down to an 8/10.

Pet Shop: Again, unchanged really. It’s hard to give a character as busted as he is in Heritage for the Future anything less than a 9/10 any way you slice it.

Telence T. D’Arby: Opinion unchanged, 8/10. I don’t have much else to say here, besides Xander Mobus rocks.

Kenny G: See Arabia Fats above. I got irrationally mad over a dumb joke character. He’s not going above a 2/10, but he’s not worth really getting mad about.

Vanilla Ice: I still think he’s the only enemy Stand user besides Hol Horse who deserves his 10/10. My opinion of him remains unchanged, but I would like to say he’s easily one of my favorite characters to play as in All-Star Battle.

Nukesaku: Ok, he’s not an enemy Stand user, he’s just some weird vampire… zombie… thing. Still, I feel he’s at least worth briefly mentioning, if only because he’s probably the only easily-defeated joke villain Araki did from the first three parts who is particularly memorable. Wired Beck and Doobie are really not all that memorable, but Nukesaku at least elicits a few chuckles – he even gets cameos in Heritage for the Future as well as getting to be a stage hazard in All-Star Battle. For what he is, I think he deserves a 5/10.

And with all these enemies taken care of, that just leaves one more Stand user to talk about.. one whose Psycho Analysis has been sitting in my drafts for a year now...

[inikavulpixelreviews]

Let’s Talk About Pokemon - Toxel and Toxtricity

848: Toxel

Mmmmmm. I don't remember if I've ever said it in this review series, but I have a really bad repulsion to babies. Toxel isn't exactly being an exception here. Combination of the baby fat in the cheeks and lips and dumb little oversized head and its tongue and its bald-looking lightly misshapen head and AUGH. No sirree, Toxel had a snowball's chance in hell for falling into my good graces just from being so heavily baby-based alone.

It doesn't help that it has a diaper and... oh no... is that why it's Poison type? Please don't tell me that's why it's Poison type. Oh god I dreaded what this thing might turn into when it evolved, and I probably only would've evolved it because my own sister was insistent I keep this horrible little slime goblin around to see what it turns into.

Maybe, just MAYBE I'm being a little too harsh on Toxel, maybe not any of its features are inherently bad but that's just too bad for me I guess. I just had to be a kid in the 90s when a cartoon that was big at the time just happened to air an episode that highlighted all the gross things about babies all at once in a nightmarish context that gave me a goddang phobia of the friggin things as a child. While I don’t really have a crippling fear of them anymore I sure as hell don’t wanna go near one if I can help it. Maybe I'd be writing a very different review right now if a show like that didn't ruin babies forever for me but I guess we'll just never know. And I can’t say I’d ever be very affectionate to a Pokemon that instantly made me think of a scene that scared the ever-loving shit out of me as a kid thank you very much.

...Other than... ALL that... Toxel doesn't have anything going for it anyways. Poison/Electric is a neat typing that was feeling like it was going to waste because it's just some purple thing with a spark of electricity glued to its forehead I guess because they didn't think it looked “Electric” enough. I don't even like the grumpy face cause it's still very babyish. At least in this context... plant these grumpy eyes on literally anything else and I'd probably be all for it but euch. EUCH. The only advantage it really has going is that it’s fairly non-descript as an animal so it looks fairly solidly just-a-monster in a Gen 1 sorta way. But other than that...

Personal Score: 2/10

849: Toxtricity

...How the hell did one of my new least favorite Pokemon of all time suddenly become my top favorite in all of Galar???? Well, whatever. Be careful who you call ugly in preschool, I guess.

Gamefreak must've known they had a hit on their hands with this one, I'm surprised it was a Pokemon they kept secret until the game came out given how much it's skyrocketed into popularity (Striking number 2 in Gen 8 in the Pokemon of the Year polls, only just behind Galar's pseudo legendary). It's definitely at least pushed like one of the flagship Pokemon of Galar, with statues dedicated to it and its own G-Max form that they felt the need to keep further under wraps until very recently, only teasing its appearance as a hill figure. You're even handed a free Toxel at the Daycare. Frankly I'm alarmed no major character even has one on their team!

But this design in general totally is one of the stars of the show in Gen 8. While it definitely lifts aspects of salamanders and other amphibians into its design, it feels a lot like the classic “just a monster” type design from Pokemon's early days. The way they anthropomorphize it is neat too. It has an overall comical body structure with a long neck, lanky long arms and amusingly tiny legs.

Its face is also great. The tired, dreary eyes are cool and it thankfully turned that badly implemented bolt feature from Toxel into a full on electric mohawk! The head spikes are also neat, especially at the angle it holds its head back in its default pose ingame, it sorta evokes the look of the head of an electric guitar.

And that right there's the whole aesthetic of Toxtricity, of course! They're punk rockers! All covered in spikes and everything, even right down to having spiked belt. The little wart-like bulges on its chest are also doubling as guitar strings! There's plenty animations where it strums them to rock out, mohawk lighting up and everything. It strums these warts to generate electricity and make a ton of noise while it does so. That's such a cool way to incorporate an object into a naturalistic element on an animal. I like my objectmon and monsters with on the nose object motifs quite a bit myself, but it's cool that Toxtricity managed to fit an element as specific as an electric guitar's strings into an animal that would normally have no business having such an element but it just works.

And I can understand not everybody digs that color scheme; fairly bright purple and yellow is brave, to say the least, but I'd say it works! Even if I'm oddly enough, kind of a fan of color schemes other people might consider garish, you could say it just works because Toxtricity as a punk rocker is all about tearing down the norms, man. It also helps to make it look far more lively than its more mellowed out cousin.

Which, by the way, Toxtricity has a form gimmick too. A pretty unique one at that, and now that they've had it happen I'm surprised it's only happened just now, but what form your Toxel becomes depends on what Nature it is. The more excitable, energetic sounding natures will become the Amped form above, while the more chill or relaxed sounding natures will become the “Low Key” form.

At first, you'd wonder what that has to do with punk rock and why Toxtricity out of all the band-themed Pokemon we've already had up to this point, but a closer inspection highlights that Low Key is more of a bass as opposed to Amped as a guitar. They even have bumps mirroring their respective instruments! Amped has six just like an electric guitar has six strings, while Low Key has four, just like an electric bass has four strings! Low Key even seems to have a slightly longer neck than Amped form does, again, just like how basses have longer necks compared to guitars! It really is so much fun how much mileage they're getting out of the visual theming here. It’s really cool how we got a Pokemon that imitates an inanimate object in a way that’s totally organic and natural-looking way.

To tie all the theming up in a nice bow, they have a unique ability called Punk Rock, which increases the damage their sound-based moves do while halving the damage they take from the same kind of moves. Given that there's some Pokemon that are outright deaf with the ability Soundproof, it's easy to assume that Toxtricity unfortunately suffers from hearing loss. They can still hear, just not as well. Indeed, right under natural aging, the number 2 cause of hearing loss is listening to music too loudly. Much like punks are one to do. Turn down your music, kids!

That said, if I had to pick just one, I'd easily pick Amped just because it generally looks cooler and has a bolder color scheme. The only thing I'm less than sure on for these two is their “tails”... which rather than being tails are now just stiff extra-large spikes jutting out of their butt. And since I used a Toxtricity on my team, thus was looking at the backside of one for most of the game, yeah, hard to not notice. I would've much preferred a more normal tail that could've also had some spikes around the tip of it if you must carry the punk theming that far.

Also I'm not a fan of their name. “Toxtricity” is just toxic and electricity clumsily mashed together and it doesn't really roll off the tongue. Like, was that really the best localization could come up with?? If I had to take a crack at naming it, I would've called it Punkture or something similar.

Personal Score: 10/10

G-Max Toxtricity:

The two Toxtricities share a G-Max form that incorporates elements from them both. And hmm... I'm not as much of a fan of this G-Max, sadly. It's still cool, don't get me wrong, but the tesla coil look to the tail feels out of place and a bit more “generic electric type” imagery to me compared to all the electric guitar/bass theming the previous two had.

It's also huddled down on all fours. I'm sure some are happy about that much, and it helps differentiate it from its normal-sized self, but I felt like being anthro was a little vital to the line's theming, given it needed some free hands to strum its bumps. The spark eyes are also neat but the tired look just looks more amusing to me. Eh. Just every feature here feels “It's neat and all but the basic forms did it better.”

Oh, wait, there is ONE thing!

Its attack animations sees it pulling a literal electric guitar out and smashing its opponents with it. Now THAT is wicked cool!!

Personal Score: 9.5/10

[Archive]

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 172: Festival Planning and New Attack Training

Previously on BnHA: We spent some time with Gentle, our New Villain who commits chivalrous crimes to punish the worst scum of society, such as guys who sell expired pudding. He’s not as popular as that trendy League of Villains because he’s not big on violence. But he does have a new project up his sleeves! Meanwhile at U.A., class A got to work planning their cultural festival program. Jirou was in need of a drummer, and Bakugou somehow ended up getting volunteered. Turns out he’s actually pretty good, but he was reluctant to perform because he overheard some jerks from the department of gen ed talking shit about class A and blaming them for starting trouble all the time. So he wasn’t keen on the idea of performing to indulge these people. However he is on board to aggressively “knock them dead with his sound”, whatever that means! Everyone was like “...well all right then!” And everything was looking up. And then we found out that Gentle plans to invade U.A. during the festival. Because apparently we can never have nice things.

Today on BnHA: Jirou recruits the rest of the band members: Momo on keyboard, Tokoyami and Kaminari on guitar, and her own self on vocals. A handful of kids -- Todoroki, Kirishima, Sero, Kouda, and Aoyama -- are assigned to the “staging” team in charge of making everything look cool. And the rest of the kids are assigned to the Dance Team, including IIDA FUCKING TENYA, because when I tell you guys this manga always delivers everything I want, I mean ev.ery.thing. With that settled, Deku meets with All Might the next day and discusses his recent progress (or lack thereof) with One for All. All Might tells Deku he needs to develop a long-range attack, and they head out to the woods for some training. Deku learns that 20% Full Cowl gives him enough power to unleash wind pressure attacks. And with a little nudging, All Might gets Deku to realize he can create a new attack by activating 20% OFA in specific parts of his body, the way he did back before he mastered Full Cowl. Then to end the chapter, we cut to Aizawa and Mirio, who are bringing Eri to visit U.A. for the very first time.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’ve read up through chapter 199 now, so any ETAs will reflect that.)

look who knows how to play the piano because she’s so stinkin’ rich!

MOMOJIROU IS ALIVE AND WELL, PEOPLE

oh my god look how cute she is

look how cute they are. GOD THIS IS THE BEST

Jirou says she’s gonna be on bass, so they just have guitar and vocals left!

cool cool. they can get literally anyone to do those and I’ll be happy. anyone EXCEPT Iida, that is. because Iida needs to be on that dance floor you guys

lol Todoroki

I’m fucking dying. Todoroki is nailing that space alien combination of “knows just enough to ask oddly specific questions while still somehow being totally naive and clueless”

Mina is explaining to those unaware that “staging” refers to things that set the atmosphere, such as disco balls, sparklers, streamers, etc.

I wonder if putting Aoyama in charge of that would lead to success or disaster

ooh, apparently Aizawa made arrangements to borrow the gym! so they’ll really have room to go nuts

I have no idea what’s going on in Mina’s head you guys but omg

yes. yes. I can see it now

this girl has a fucking VISION and she will not be deterred

TEAM SNOWMAN

okay so I’m fairly convinced now that Mina might actually be a creative genius and they should really let her loose more often in training. let that imagination go wild and see where it takes you. she could come up with some extremely unpredictable strategies. I’m serious

amazingly, no one is even arguing this except for Aoyama lol. he’s standing there all “I’m the disco ball?” while the rest of them are all “oh is this what you meant by teaming up? cool beans”

(ETA: no one argued it because this is literally what they ended up doing. pretty sure the staging team had one planning meeting and were all “okay, so basically just do all that stuff Mina said?” and agreed on it and then spent the rest of the month playing on their phones while pretending to work real hard. they didn’t even bother to work out the actual logistics of it until basically the night before. this is why Deku hadn’t checked that fucking rope you guys.)

I want to save this panel and use it as a meme reaction image omg

and that clack you see is the sound of the intern kids finally returning from their supplementary courses!

they’re excited to also get in on this!

Ochako is surprised that Jirou’s not singing!

-- oh no

when I said “literally anyone” I should have been just slightly more specific huh

oh thank god they’re making these guys try out first

I can’t fucking wait to see this in the anime omg

Hagakure says that Jirou’s singing is actually amazing and she thinks she should be on vocals

but Jirou really doesn’t want to and says it’s just gonna complicate things

but they’re all encouraging her!

oh my god she’s gonna do it!

AND THEY ALL LOVE IT

can’t fucking wait. omg. it’s gonna be like a whole year, but hopefully it’ll be worth it

so now Jirou says they need two guitarists

Kaminari is volunteering which is GREAT because Jirou and Momo are already there, so yeah

but Mineta is also volunteering which is. less great

oh my god

at this point the list of people I ship Bakugou with is significantly longer than the list of people I don’t ship him with, I think

OH NO MINETA CAN’T REACH THE FRET BOARD “BECAUSE OF HIS CHARACTER DESIGN.” OH WHAT A TRAGEDY. OH WELL

sometimes Horikoshi does nice things. I’ll admit

GASP

YESSSSSSSSSSS

THIS IS AMAZINGGGG. DREAM BAND. RIGHT HERE

Mineta is sulking and the girls are taking pity on him, and honestly I don’t mind it. weirdly. because it’s one of the few times he’s not being a little troll. he just looks small and sad

MAYBE I’M JUST FEELING GENEROUS TODAY. Mineta, you can exist today

like, even when Mina offers him a “harem part”, he doesn’t turn completely gross, he just kind of goes red a bit. I’m completely fine with this. Horikoshi can write this toned down version of Mineta and I’m cool with it. but I’m sure it won’t last though. alas

(ETA: my biggest problem with Mineta is that he beat Mirio in that goddamn poll his character has no purpose other than being obnoxious. he literally has no other personality traits besides “pervert.” if Horikoshi made even the slightest attempt to tone down that bullshit and actually try to do more with him I’d probably make more of an effort to at least tolerate him. but alas, that ship has sailed I think.)

holy shit how late did they stay up planning this??

you actually got Bakugou to stay up 5 whole hours past his bedtime. incredible

AND HERE THEY ARE

do you guys think Bakugou knows how to do that thing where you twirl the drumstick around on your fingers

also if he doesn’t get to shout “WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB!!!! ONE TWO THREE FOUR!” then I will forever be upset about the opportunity wasted. in fact, it’s happening in my mind whether Horikoshi likes it or not. that is canon. prove me wrong

(ETA: I have my own mental version of this entire performance and let me tell you, it is very specific)

AND IIDA FUCKING TENYA IS ON THE DANCE TEAM! WE DID IT TUMBLR

I’m gonna play some Yeah Yeah Yeahs because right now that’s kind of my mental image for what the band might sound like lol

so now we’re cutting to the break room the next day and Izuku is having some tea with dad

it’s very cute but also All Might’s wondering if Deku had something he specifically wanted to talk to him about, since he’s meeting up with him at such a busy time

geez All Might can’t a boy just have some TEA with his DAD without being INTERROGATED, GEEZ

but also he’s 100% right to ask, and he does it so gently so that Deku can either take the invitation to talk, or decline politely if he so chooses. All Might really is the best

sure enough, Deku does have something on his mind!

he’s telling All Might about how he was able to bring out 20% of OFA under duress, but only for a short time, and even then it put a ton of strain on his body. not only that but it wasn’t even enough to win

so he’s trying to figure out how he should fight in the current situation, since he can’t master 100% yet

um whoa

say what now??

I mean like, obviously yes, that would be ideal. but are you implying that there’s some sort of obvious long-range move he should be able to figure out?

Izuku says he wants to learn how to do a weather-altering technique (and I forgot All Might could do those; has he even done it since the opening chapter?), but right now he’s not able yet

but All Might says he has “a few other...” and then he trails off

and he’s saying they should change locations

omg. I’m so hyped!?!

so now they’re in a forested area on the school grounds, and Deku has changed into his gym uniform

is this still during school hours. and Deku still has those supplemental lessons on top of that. All Might doesn’t have any classes he’s supposed to be teaching either? just drop all of your fucking responsibilities then why don’t you

All Might is telling Deku to break out 20% full cowl, and Deku is hesitating

“YEAH!! IT’S FINE!” lol okay then

so here we go!

this is always so badass. and I appreciate it so much more when it’s not in the context of a super dragged out fight coming on the tail end of 40 chapters of nonsense

:D what’s he gonna doooo

WHOA

UH, DAMN!?

DEKU DID YOU NOT REALIZE THAT YOU HAD BECOME A TOTAL FUCKING BADASS??!

Deku is wincing though and he’s saying “but in any case, my body’s...”

but All Might is wagging a finger in a knowing way and he’s telling Deku to look back at his journey

damn we got like a powerpoint and everything

does Deku’s mind just naturally think this way. because he’s trained it through all of that obsessive note-taking. I realize this is mostly for our benefit, but it really wouldn’t surprise me if his thoughts actually were this organized

anyways his eyes are widening, because he’s clearly drawn some conclusion from this pattern that I have yet to see! I don’t have a big hero brain like you Deku

GASP

All Might says he wasn’t always bringing out 100% himself??

oh shit

so since he is capable of holding 20% briefly without doing permanent damage to himself, then if he combines points two and six -- drawing out 20% OFA to a specific part of his body -- then he can utilize this badass new air attack!

though All Might says it’s gonna be harder than it sounds, and that it requires significantly more nuanced control

so Deku’s thinking that he’s gonna practice with his fingers

oh god

I’m still traumatized from that fight against Todoroki honestly. I look at this and can’t help but think “oh shit he’s gonna snap them all one by one” oh my god. it’s making me very uncomfortable even though I’m fully aware it’s not actually going to happen. Deku you’ve fucked me up

oh snap and we’re fast-forwarding to the day of the cultural fest!!

(ETA: lol no, I just thought this because I saw Eri there. jumped the gun just a bit)

OH MY GODDD

 MIRIO IS THE SWEETEST, PUREST, GENTLEST, KINDEST SOUL ON PLANET EARTH AND IT’S SO DAMN GREAT

DON’T THINK I DIDN’T NOTICE THE BACK OF YOUR HEAD THERE, AIZAWA SHOUTA. OBVIOUSLY YOU HAD TO BE THERE WHEN THEY WENT TO PICK HER UP

ERIIIIII

SHE’S SO CUTE!! WEARING DIFFERENT CLOTHES FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER!! DID THEY GET HER FUCKING SHOES OMG

SHE’S GONNA HAVE SUCH A GREAT TIME AT CLASS A’S DANCE PARTY. OR AT LEAST SHE FUCKING BETTER. GENTLE I S2G IF YOU FUCK THIS UP... [THROAT-SLITTING GESTURE!!!]

oh my god. I’m so excited oh shit

BONUS:

IT’S ERI’S PROFILE YOU GUYSSSSS. I’m gonna link to it over on aitaikimochi’s tumblr! here!

THIS OUTFIT IS THE CUTEST EVER. I’m gonna gush over it some more in tomorrow’s recap too. it’s just so cute

the clothes Aizawa got her just go to prove that no one is perfect. having some flaws just adds to his charm though

I also want to see Eri eating apples with Tokoyami now

so she is indeed six! my approximate guess was right! however as of where the manga currently is, she’s just about to turn seven. she’s getting so big! they have to figure out what to do about school for her. although her dad is a teacher so

[headlesssamurai]

Has everyone asked you about Jupiter Ascending?

@godzillaapproved

Yo, I ought to apologize to you for taking hella long to properly respond to this. It’s holiday season over thisaway, sure, but I ain’t nearly vain enough to assume just anybody gets why that can suck up a dude’s time. Reckon I’m sure there’s tons of national celebrations all over the world I’d never know about otherwise. Bah, I say! Going out and socializing is one of the few things more overrated than all those shitty Apple products. But yeh, in my case it was less the celebratory spirit of holiday festivities and more a sudden spike in workload, so my mental energy was roughed up by that, plus I was doing a new workout at the same time. Thus, whatever free time I had left was spent obsessively hammering away at the Steam sale items I’d recently bought. It’s like a coping mechanism. Well, that and cheap wine anyhow.

Regardless, regardless—holy shit what an obnoxious fucking way for me to open this up—this Ask of yours came at an unusually coincidental time. A friend and I have been meeting up every weekend to watch like semi-recent crappy movies just as a way to enjoy a bad drink and a good laugh. She likes to laugh, and I like to drink, so it works out. After working our way through every Transformers film by Michael Bay, then Cameron’s Avatar, Terminator: Genisys, The Amazing Spider-mans, Spielberg’s Crystal Skull, Ready Player One, and some of the more abysmal DC films, our last escapade into nonsense was the estimably hilarious Gods of Egypt, which reminded me of one of those excremental quicktime-event video games. You know, like Detroit Becomes Human or some shit like that (Oh wait, is it Detroit Coming of the Humans? Meh).

As luck would have it, like, the day before you asked me about it, the next film at which I suggested we take a crack was the Wachowskis’ own Jupiter Ascending, which my friend had not seen at that time. Nor had I, since first viewing it in theaters.

>>SPOILER WARNING: IF YOU CARE ENOUGH TO, UH… YOU KNOW, CARE

I was intrigued to give this movie another go. It’s struck me that I’ve got an odd streak of pleasantly enjoying movies a lot of people can’t seem to stand, or which some people even hate with utter vileness on the verge of hunting down the producers with a roll of duct tape, power tools, jugs of petrol, and a matchbook. I’ve enjoyed, for instance, Hardcore Henry, Elysium, and Joseph Kosinski’s Oblivion, all of which not one person I know in real life could offer a single word of kindness. After my first viewing of Jupiter Ascending, I was left to consider whether or not it was the sort of movie I should enjoy and allow others to hate and disparage, or if it just wasn’t that good. I recalled leaving the theater with a sort of “Hm” sound, and not much else. But given my history with rooting for an underdog, was I wrong? Is this movie actually good, or cool in some way? I couldn’t defy the sensation that I’d missed something.

The answer, it seems, is more complex than a simple yes or no. Then again, as Mason and Goat Han Solo often remind us, “there’s no nuance on the internet”, so even my assertion there about complexity may be in gross error.

For the unfamiliar, Jupiter Ascending is a science fiction tale with vibes of less-cliché aesthetic choices for its visuals, some cool references to UFO conspiracy theories, and aims at a more expansive universe that would no doubt have been further explored in sequels had this film been better received by audiences and critics. I’ll say outright, it’s a disappointment to me that we weren’t given the chance to see more films in this mythology, because there’s some really cool stuff going on in this weird, imaginative universe. The story centers upon the character of Jupiter Jones (Mila Kunis), an average working-class young woman in Chicago who is shocked to discover not only that aliens exist but that she happens to be the reincarnation of a galaxy owning empress, which entitles Jupiter to ownership of a large portion of the cosmos, the least part of which is Earth itself. But as the Aussies say, something’s a bit suss about the whole affair, and the wondrous glamour of this technologically advanced universe is concurrently party to a dark truth.

An immediately intriguing element of Jupiter Ascending is its attempt to set-up something which, while perhaps greatly inspired by a few other fictional works, is an original property, not a sequel, reboot, adaptation of an existing work, nor a spiritual successor to something else. Rather than merely being intrigued by this fact, I also respect it, because high-concept science fiction films aren’t something a studio likes to go for unless they have a preexisting audience, like adaptations of a book series or something. So it’s always bold when someone can cobble together the resources to really take a chance on something like this, even if it isn’t well received. After all that’s how films like The Matrix, The Terminator, Ridley Scott’s Alien, George Lucas’ Star Wars, and John McTiernan’s Predator come to be in the first place. Another example, I didn’t quite enjoy The Last Witch Hunter, but I recall respecting that film’s risk in its attempt at a new property for similar reasons.

Irrespective of your own personal tastes as a moviegoer and consumer of science fiction, it can’t be denied that the Wachowski’s are measurably talented filmmakers. Their doubtless skill at framing shots, blending effects with reality to present an integrated experience, and choreographing action sequences with such lethal precision it’s always incredible to watch; all of these things can’t be argued, and this attentiveness for the craft is all very present in Jupiter Ascending. Toward the beginning of the movie, there’s an aerial chase sequence that promptly accelerates into one of the most engaging, gripping action sequences in memory, heavily fantastical sci-fi elements intermixed with almost Fast and the Furious levels of insanity. The sense of gripping speed alone as two characters cling to the outer hull of a spacecraft was helplessly intense and left me quite keen to see what else the movie had to offer further down the line.

Additionally we have some awesome art design and stylistic choices regarding the look of this sci-fi universe, both the appearance of aliens and the design of their technology was familiar and unique at the same time. There are beings referred to as “Splices” which are intermixes of humans and various animals, giving some people bestial characteristics which are just weird enough to be cool to me without verging over the edge into absurd territory. There are cybernetic enhancements, gravity boots, phalanx style energy shields, neural synthetic wings, motherfucking jet-bikes of course and, though I never would have dreamed, motherfucking lizardmen! That blew me away, dude. Others may think it’s stupid, but lizardmen are one of my favorite sci-fi/fantasy creatures of all time, and they look so badass in this movie it was unbelievably awesome to realize I was actually seeing a proper lizardfolk on screen. With lizardmen and jet-bikes, Jupiter Ascending quickly marks two-out-of-five on my Generally Awesome Things I Like To See In Science Fiction list. It’s a real list, in my head, I swear.

The starship designs were inspired by art deco architecture in cities like Chicago, lending Jupiter’s cosmos a feeling more of Herbert’s Dune-iverse than something like Star Trek, which I appreciated since we don’t see that type of style quite as much. Top all that off with a fantastic score from Michael Giacchino and you’ve got some great tools to tell an awesome story.

So the thing is, it’s not just skin deep either, while the film does lean heavily on its visuals and action set-pieces, this is a genuinely interesting universe. Michael Bay’s Transformers, for instance, also has cool visuals, some passable action scenes, and dazzling special effects, but is it interesting? The answer is no. Because Bay’s movies, while briefly entertaining, are ultimately hollow. There aren’t any subdermal layers beneath the facade of spectacle. But in Jupiter Aescending there’s clearly something else going on, the touch of true filmmakers for one, yet also the potential for so much more. The groundwork, the craftsmanship and attentiveness is all here. It’s really what they choose to do, or not do, with that potential which ends up disappointing. Not, as in the case of Bay’s movies, the utter lack of potential for greatness from the start.

Though some fandom-card carrying ideologues may acerbically disagree, an acceptably comparable film whose potential for greatness was also mostly wasted for middle-of-the-road mediocrity is the recent Solo: A Star Wars Story, by Disney Interactive– I mean, by Disney behind the appropriated guise of Lucasfilm. Whatever else you think of that film, and while I agree from a mythological standpoint its very existence was in extremely poor taste, the talent, the production value, the mark of the craft was there. None of this was, however, capitalized upon to create anything truly profound. Jupiter Ascending’s unfortunate drawbacks are of a similar form.

I’d like to state emphatically however, I’m not trying to punish the film nor act as its apologist. Reckon I always end up saying this, but I am really just some dude. Sure, I read a lot of books and stuff, but that doesn’t appoint me some grand authority on the subject of fiction. These thoughts I try to convey in my write-ups are meant merely as opinions, framed in the form of investigating the quality of a film or game or whatever. To that end, I’m compelled to side with most folks in that, whatever else its got going for it, there’s some major deficiency holding back Jupiter Ascending from rising to a higher form of entertainment. So if the production values are high, where’s the casus belli all the angry critics are seeing here?

To puzzle that out, we ought first to determine by what criterion a truly good story is shaped. In that regard it’s likely the wisest to begin by reckoning what sort of story we’re dealing with here. Most people are wont to jump straight to the whole Hero’s Journey every dickhead YouTube reviewer read about in some sparknotes book while using the shitter at Barnes & Noble. But Joseph Campbell’s mimetic architecture isn’t the only sort of story that exists, not even in science fiction. Consider, for instance, anything written by H.P. Lovecraft, Darren Aronofsky’s The Fountain, Kubrick and Clarke’s 2001: A Space Odyssey, Jonathan Glazer’s Under The Skin, Philip K. Dick’s various works, Andrei Tarkovsky’s Stalker, Stanisław Lem’s Solaris, Alex Garland’s Ex Machina, or Christopher Nolan’s Interstellar. These stories, while very sci-fi in their scope and measure, are far more introspective, and very contemplative when contrasted against fiction of the more traditional heroic adventure genre. Hell, even Paul Verhoeven’s Starship Troopers while appearing a mindless war movie on its surface is fundamentally a cautionary allegory. While conquering adversity is certainly a theme of its own within each of these stories, the breadth of that adversity’s effect on the narrative varies wildly, as well as the nature of adversity each character must face. Other heavier components, like displacement, post-humanism, philosophical allegory, are also usually present in such stories.

All of this likely seems a bit excessive to point out, but I promise it’ll get relevant later. But, uh… yeh. The next time some liberal arts asshat tries to tell you there’s only one real way a story can go, you can be safely justified in telling them to get bent. I mean read, yeh, tell them to read more shit, and watch more movies. That’d probably be more productive. But also tell them to get bent, the fuckers.

There can also, however, be stories that blend styles. The 2004 rebrand of Battlestar Galactica incorporates several philosophical elements, self-reflective, and meditative thematic ideas into its narrative of what would otherwise be a fairly standard science fiction conflict in outer space. The Wachowskis’ own The Matrix is a perfect example of a classic hero’s journey which also incorporates introspective themes into its lore, plot, and mythology, wherein the internal conflict of the protagonist is just as important as whatever external adversity he is meant to overcome. Where Battlestar Galactica 2004 uses its thematic material to craft a sci-fi adventure story, The Matrix uses a sci-fi adventure story to explore its thematic material. Seen in that light, I think the Wachowskis wanted Jupiter Ascending to have similar weight to its narrative, but they ended up recycling a sort of “human harvest” idea already seen in The Matrix (and arguably done in a more engaging way).

Jupiter Jones herself is a catalyst for an inter-familial conflict within a wealthy interstellar hierarchy. Though alien races do exist, the most dangerous aliens happen to be humans themselves, extraterrestrial humans of course. In Jupiter’s universe, it turns out that the wealthy and powerful have the ability to live forever (an idea also explored in the Neftlix adaptation Altered Carbon), but only by seeding countless worlds with humans, then harvesting these humans like crops and breaking these millions of people down into a sort of primordial youth serum by which the lives of the affluent may be extended.

Advanced genetics in Jupiter’s universe are the highest form of technology, and it is stated in all the cosmos the most sought-after resource is time. This is the reason these advanced humans out among the stars are able to splice human and animal genes, essentially creating entirely new races, and the reason why Jupiter herself is seen as a reincarnation of a woman who once owned countless stars and planets. Genes, to the wealthy and powerful, have a near spiritual significance. Jupiter is referred to as a Recurrence, a person who is long dead but whose gene-print inconceivably reappears in someone who is born centuries or even millennia later. This is seen as a near miracle, and thus is recognized by interstellar law as a legitimate reincarnation, giving this new person the same rights and privileges, and inheriting all the property previously held by the deceased person whose gene print they share.

And that’s where the conflict comes up. Jupiter is sought out by three siblings of the Abrasax family, one of the most elite and powerful families in the universe, of which she is the reincarnation of their mother and thus entitled to re-inherit all of their resources and capital which they currently control. The kids are Kalique (Tuppence Middleton), the well-to-do, but compassionate one, Titus (Douglas Booth), the more two-faced of the three who acts innocent but is clever as a viper, and Balem (Eddie Redmayne), the stereotypical villain of the piece who seems to have nervous ticks and an inability to raise his voice above a certain octave except in times of extreme stress. Of course, since Jupiter’s now meant to control everything they currently own, none of the three Abrasax kids can be fully trusted. Jupiter doesn’t have to face these three one-percenters alone however. She is accompanied by Caine Wise (Channing Tatum) an ex-soldier and wolf-splice, known as a Lycantant, who is hired by Titus to safely retrieve Jupiter from Earth before his siblings can get to her. Caine’s former commanding officer, a bee-splice known as Stinger (Sean Bean) also appears from time to time, as well as officers of the Aegis, an interstellar law enforcement agency.

If you are having a hard time following the characters here, it’s probably because there just isn’t much to any of the characters other than what I’ve already written about them. And therein lies the primary flaw with this film. The characters aren’t interesting, and the greater tragedy is that the characters are written to be uninteresting. Where a ton of care and attention went into crafting the look, feel and depth of the wider universe acting as the story’s setting, the characters within this story are criminally underwritten.

Earlier, I went to great lengths to illustrate the wealth of variety throughout genres of science fiction, just how many different types of stories we might get within this narrative framework. The purpose of explaining all of that to such a degree was meant to show you that not everything has to follow the same narrative flow. Sometimes stories can be more abstract, less character driven, less action heavy. In that regard, a story exemplar like Blade Runner doesn’t really need to have strongly written characters because the interpersonal aspects of its journey are less important than its atmospheric setting and stylistic momentum. The gravitas comes from a different place than in stories which are more character driven.

However, if a story does want to give us something more conventional, then it’s extremely important that the characters are strongly defined, well established and, even if not likable, at the very least interesting. Though a bit out of this wheelhouse, Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby is notorious for featuring a dramatis personae of terribly vain, horrible sociopaths, but many of these characters are still written in a way that makes them interesting. Jupiter Ascending fashions itself as an epic space opera, a stylized adventure journey which goes from scrubbing toilets in Irving Park to rocketing through a wider spectacular galaxy. Within that story structure, the characters need to be given their proper attention, especially the protagonist. Only, this is not the case with this movie. In fact in Jupiter Ascending, the characters almost appear as afterthoughts, which is most unfortunate.

Despite being the protagonist’s love interest, Caine seems to have been given the most depth, as a literal lone-wolf personality, an orphan of a sort, a former soldier disgraced for an act of savagery, who longs to regain his military status as a Skyjacker, and was sprung from a prison called Deadland to rescue Jupiter from the clutches of filthy rich egomaniacs, a class of people he seems to utterly despise. Yet even Caine’s various portions of characterization are never fully explored, and he mostly serves as a vehicle to come dashing in and pluck Jupiter out of trouble over and over again. Secondary characters, other than Stinger (more on him later), are hardly there other than to function as a taxi service or exposition dump where appropriate, which is a shame since some of them have a great look but nothing else going on in the writing department to make them memorable. The Abrasax siblings are basically three different flavors of the same smug Soylent privilege, though Kalique seems to exist only to explain things for the benefit of the audience, and Balem seems to be accidentally memorable thanks to Eddie Redmayne’s unusual performance. Titus has some cool psychotic vibes with his underhanded motivations, slippery silver tongued bastard that he is, but even his role as the trickster doesn’t get its due in the end.

Stinger, Caine’s former commanding officer who is now an Aegis Marshal, is also written slightly deeper than even the Abrasax siblings. He took the fall for Caine’s misstep in the military, so he also lost his wings and was disgraced for it. Despite this, he is willing to help Caine and Jupiter throughout the story, and though begrudged he seems genuinely good at heart. Stinger’s point of interest however comes from his traits as a Splice between human and bee DNA. Yes, this leads to a funny line of dialogue, but there are some great examples of show-don’t-tell with Stinger, in that having bee instincts he seems superhumanly able to anticipate motion and react to it ridiculously quickly compared to most people. This ability gives him an edge in everything from fistfights to navigating massive fields of hunter-killer mines. This is hardly important to the plot, but I thought it was cool since it’s never stated outright, just displayed through his actions. Another example of a great idea that’s mostly left adrift.

Jupiter herself starts out as a typical protagonist for a Hero’s Journey. She’s a Jewish Russian immigrant who leads an unglamorous life cleaning bathrooms and tidying fancy homes for her family’s housekeeping service, apparently has bad luck with romance, and hardly ever has time to really do anything she enjoys. Typically, once these elements are presented, there will also be a revelation of something more intimate about the protagonist, her dreams and ambitions, something she longs to one day achieve, her hobbies or personality, perhaps a personal drawback or fear she wishes to overcome. But the most we get about Jupiter is that she wants to buy back a telescope which was once stolen from her astronomer father by the same thieves who murdered him (which we see early in the movie in an awkwardly directed scene). It’s not made clear if Jupiter herself has a genuine interest in astronomy, nor even what any of her interests happen to be.

This becomes a recurring problem throughout the film. Since no real internal conflict or personality of any kind is established for Jupiter, she isn’t led through any personal journey or self-exploration, nor anything which allows her to grow or evolve as the narrative opens up and accelerates. She’s basically just along for the ride, one of those wrong place wrong time sort of things. Her journey is entirely surface level, external forces dragging her around the stars without her having any real say in the matter nor agency of her own. She as very little idea of what she wants or who she is, from what we can tell, because we have no idea of those things either. Mila Kunis does a fine job with the material she’s given, but the material just isn’t much to run with, and if there is a drawback to her performance as an actress I promise in this case the fault is not with her.

The terrible lack of characterization hurts everything in the movie from its ethical conceits, plot momentum, all the way up to the romance subplot which only feels forced and lacking chemistry because the two leads aren’t properly written. They could have had chemistry, but its difficult for archetypes to interact without endowing them with personality. It’s a fundamental flaw from which all other flaws of the film stem because the personality, the character of the protagonist in this type of story is a fundamental element from which many other elements of the story stem.

Even towards the end, when Jupiter is forced into dangerous heroics and aggressive bravery it doesn’t feel like much of anything because for all we know she was brave all along, or maybe she wasn’t. We’re never given the chance to find out. Her larger moment of heroism comes not in a violent action of conquering the badguy (though she does beat him with a pipe later... in self-defense of course), but in refusing to compromise to Balem’s ultimatum, either resign her ownership of Earth or allow Balem to murder her family. It’s interesting to note that instead of rocking up and blowing his head off with a blaster, she just tells him to get fucked, which is a cool idea, non-violent protagonists are few and far between. Though the climax would have been far more satisfying had we gotten to know Jupiter much better before she gets to this point. Ultimately, the lack of strong characters make the progression of the movie feel awkward, and the denouement seems to come out of nowhere. It’s really too bad, since many facets of this film’s setup seemed to bear promise, and it’s more tragic than infuriating, leaving an audience with a countenance more in sorrow than in anger.

Like Jupiter herself, thematic elements are also only half-explored. The idea that genetics have advanced to such a point that life-regeneration has become a reality within this star-spanning civilization (albeit a reality exclusively available to the filthy, insanely wealthy) is an interesting idea, and there’s a lot of potential for the ethical quandaries related to that sort of technology, and what makes it possible. Yet little of this is given attention beyond the horror of Jupiter discovering the Abrasax family regularly kills billions of people for longevity and profit. Is their life-extending operation the only one out there? Or is it an industry? Are there black market dealers who develop and trade their own youth serum off the books? It’s all kind of muddy and little of it is given any explanation or nuance.

As we’ve established, Campbell’s hero’s journey isn’t the only way to go about a sci-fi story, but in Jupiter Ascending it’s like half-started without any of the follow-through, and the characters which should be the heart of the story are greatly lacking any depth. The film’s been compared to a Disney-style princess story, and even references Cinderella at one point, though it does seem to be aiming higher than this. Yet, the lackluster character writing and flat dialogue all make the story somewhat impotent, whatever its aim, leaving the movie looking like a majestically beautiful gild-feathered eagle, which just happens to be blind. Fun to look at, but has absolutely no idea where it’s going. I can’t articulate enough what a shame this all is, since there really are some cool ideas and sci-fi content here. I truly wish, as a sci-fi enthusiast, that Jupiter was truly able to ascend.

I’d recommend it as a fun romp through an intriguing galaxy, but it’s more useful as an example of how to get everything right with a movie, everything other than the thing that really holds it all together: a well-written protagonist. Still, I’m no intersectionalist, but it’s nice to see the girl get the guy at the end of the story, the way guy protagonists get to get the girl at the end of all their stories. That was a pleasant feeling, even if it wasn’t quite earned with everything come before it. Plus, you know; lizardmen, and jet-bikes. The Wachowskis are generally great at what they do though, just maybe have a tough time channeling it. Here’s hoping they can get back to us with something truly badass in future because the level of commitment to the craft seen in this movie is extraordinary, even if the reach exceeds the grasp in this particular case. 

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