#suburbantaste

[suburbantaste-blog]

Where I Come From: Part I

To understand where I am, you have to understand where I’ve come from.  This post is all about my favorite thing: me.

I grew up in a suburb. Hence, my suburban taste.  Growing up my mom worked and my dad was retired. I cannot say that he “stayed home with us” because he actually did the opposite.  He sent my brother and I to daycare at a nearby church (Baptist!) until we were school age.  My dad was 56 when I was born, and from the day I blessed the suburbs with my presence – he retired.  My parents made that choice together.  My mom still had many years of earning potential and she wanted to work.

Dad: My dad had worked since he was very young, supporting himself really as far back as he can remember. He did not come from much and was born during a time in our history – the Great Depression – when money, opportunity and wealth did not exist in his small hometown of Loogootee, Indiana.  Being born during that time was a blessing and a curse.  He struggled as a young man but had very solid, firm financial goals because he had seen the worst of the worst.  He lived through a time where the financial future was extremely uncertain and volatile. He made it a point to earn his own money and valued that money much higher than its true value – he saw it as his future financial freedom, a way to get out of Loogootee, Indiana.  As he worked and saved, he certainly made mistakes along the way – but he knew his end goal and he stuck with it, doing whatever he needed to.  He worked bad jobs, good jobs, hard jobs, long jobs and shady jobs – but he worked and he saved and he kept his eye on the end goal.  He did not buy flashy things even once he had enough, he just kept the end goal in mind.  So when 56 came around and this beautiful suburban baby came along, he was able to say, “Screw it,” to work and be home to have the flexibility he wanted.  

Mom: My mom worked since she was young as well, but not necessarily to support herself, more so to help out with her expenses, save for college, a car, etc.  Mom came from a middle class working family where she did not want or need for anything but certainly was not handed a wad of cash whenever she wanted either.  She had a similar mindset as my dad in that she knew when she worked that she was saving for something bigger – not just the  latest, greatest, flashiest – but for college.  She went to college, graduated and immediately started working. By the time she met my Dad and they had kids, she still had lots of working years and potential for more money – she also wanted to work since she did find parts of it rewarding from both the career aspect but also a social aspect as well.  I’ve watched my mom move up the corporate ladder into a pretty hefty career role and salary – so I’d say her decision to continue working was spot on.  At the young age of XX, Mom is still receiving raises, bonuses and title bumps, so I’d say they/she made the right choice.  She’s close to retirement age now but has planned well enough that she will live comfortably once she decides to pull the trigger. 

I grew up also not needing or wanting for anything.  Did my parents buy me a brand new BMW when I turned 16?  No, but both my brother and I were given cars (with no car payment or insurance payment attached) so I still consider myself very lucky.  I always had new “cool” clothes growing up (Abercrombie anyone? - sick.) and we were sent to any and all summer camps, day camps, sport camps, retreats, field trips, summer classes, etc. that we wanted – no questions asked – so I’d say, we had it very good and my parents managed their money well.  I grew up being shielded from any money issues really – my parents never lost a home, or had medical bills or an accident at work that kept them from working, there was no losing of jobs either.  I do know that at one point mom was laid off from a bank who was being bought out by another, but we never heard much about it, our parents did not have to worry because they had savings, and within no time at all, my mom had a new (better!) job than before, so it was almost a non-event.  For all of these reasons, and many many many more, I am a fortunate girl.  I worked a few jobs through high school (grocery store, babysitting, summer tennis camp) but really that money was mine to spend however I wanted (clothes and makeup). For these same reasons, I did not get a swift kick in the you know what, until I graduated college and was sent “off on my own.”

I graduated college in 2008 with two options, get a job or go to law school.  I had thought of going to law school seriously for two years and had somewhat of a plan of what I would do with a law degree but by no means had I thought through the finances of being a student for an additional 3 years. I was extremely and awfully fortunate to have two parents who planned since the time I was little for myself and my brother to attend college.  Not only did they plan by constantly instilling in us that college was part of our path, but they made sure that path was as easy as possible for us by providing fully funded 4 year educations.  I went to a private school in North Carolina for 4 years which by no means was the price of Northwestern, but was easily $30K-$35K a year including tuition and living expenses (if not more, the way they allowed me to live.) My brother went to a large public school in North Carolina, but again, the way my parents allowed him to live, easily cost $10K-$15K a year.  We both received incredibly respectful college educations, graduated in four years with no debt.  While I was preparing to go to law school and had seemingly, no worries, I had other friends working with lenders on a student loan repayment plan with money they didn’t even make yet.  This “debt free” life was not something I understood at the time, while I was in college or when I first graduated, but it is something I have come to understand very, very well.  Isn’t that how it always goes – by the time you appreciate something, the time has come and gone?  I know I’ve thanked my parents before for my education and for their diligent planning, but probably not to the extent I should have.  I like to think the way I can repay and “thank” them is by continuing to be a valuable citizen, taking advantage of any and every opportunity that comes my way and by passing the gift of education along by donating to my alma mater and planning for my children’s future.  I like to think that my life, now, is a proverbial “thank you” and I have used every ounce of what they gave me to my advantage and benefit.

*NOTE: I agree and understand college is not the only path to take after high school.  I acknowledge there are many paths that may be more economical and end up with the same respectful degree.  My path right out of high school was to go to college, my parents paid my full way there, I graduated in 4 years and use my degree daily.  I give back to my college quarterly and love where I went to school.  I won’t apologize for that.  I will acknowledge and agree there are MANY paths you can take to be successful. 

The moral of the story is: I had parents who from day one saw value in saving money and planning for the future.

This has really shaped me in the last few years as Mister and I plan our future and plan for a family. As we’ve thought through our own childhoods, our college experience, where we believe the education system is headed, we are fairly confident we want our child(ren) to have the same options we did and have the ability to go to college wherever they choose.

Mister grew up in England, in a mid-size seaside town.  His childhood was spent in a middle class family as well where he wanted for nothing but certainly was not flashing new cars or the latest and greatest.  He was taken on lots of travels and always had a plentiful Christmas.  His parents owned their own business for a number of years, giving him a glimpse into what a true work ethic should look like.  His college years were half covered by the government and the other half he paid himself.  He chose a college close to home to save money and worked throughout to put himself through college and for spending money.  Mister does not begrudge or wish for a different path, he liked his college and is glad he stayed nearby but it did make it even more concrete in his mind that he did not want his child to have to stay near home if they did not want to when the time came to choose a college.

When I graduated college, my parents helped me get my first apartment, a small one bedroom for $655 a month, 4 miles from the law school.  I had decided to go to law school and at the time my parents were a bit up in the air on whether they would help pay for law school or whether I would go it alone. For the first semester, it was a bit half and half.  By second semester, my mom laid it out.  I was on my own.  She felt depleting their savings or retirement carried a much larger consequence to everyone’s future than me incurring student loan debt.  She was absolutely right and I think her number one goal at that age and time should have been socking money away for retirement.  She would still pay for my health insurance but at 22, it was time for me to spread my wings.  She helped me apply for financial aid and get set up with a student loan.  While I do not resent or hold a grudge with her for doing so, the fact is from that day forward, I was on my own – suddenly making adult financial decisions without much education or support.  It was probably the smartest thing they could of done – rip off that bandaid.  To be fair, of course when we went out to dinner or if we stopped at the grocery to pick something up, she would pick up the tab, so there were certainly still fringe benefits coming my way but 95% of my expenses now fell on me.

The problem became the student loans.  Man, are they easy to get.  They don’t explain the terms very well or when they do, they’re not easily understood. Luckily all of mine were from the government and not private loans.  I attended a relatively inexpensive law school, a state school, so tuition and books were not as high as many of my counterparts.  But living expenses were another story.  I had always had the ability to go out to eat, buy clothes and go out with friends without batting an eye.  With student loans, you can still do those things because they will basically give you as much as you ask for.  Every semester, the first day of class, my new student loan I had requested would hit my bank account and I would “budget” out the next 6 months of living expenses.  I use the word budget particularly lightly.  By “budget” I mean, I would only budget out my rent, utilities, car insurance, and a few other necessities but pretended my food bill and fun bill were much lower than what they actually were.  By that 6th month, things were tight and I was foaming at the mouth for my next student loan check to hit my bank account unaware.  Much like gaining weight, it comes on easy, but is challenging to get off.

 It was around this time that Mister moved to America.  His income helped but with immigration and legal bills coming our way to get his visas and green card sorted out, we still relied on a student loan each month to make ends meet.  To his credit, he did everything he could to provide as much as he could on a limited work visa.  He worked bad hours with bad managers to help where he could (it was this fact and trait that would ultimately make me realize he was the type of life partner who would do anything when the going got tough  to get things done.)

 I made it through law school (it was a blur that I do not remember).  About 6 months before graduation, I started looking for a job. Wow. Wowwww.  I was in for a shock.  The job market was not at all kind to a 25 year old baby shark attorney without a law license.  The North Carolina attorney job market was over saturated – really the entire country was over saturated with other baby shark attorneys.  A bunch of Type A people, thinking they knew the law, biting each other for the chance at any job they could get their fins on.   It was around this time that Mister got a job offer in Texas at a new hotel opening, looking for new finance staff.  Mister and I took a trip to Texas and decided with the job potential on his end and the cost of living in Texas, it was a no brainer – we were moving to Texas.  I decided to suspend my job search until I was in Texas.  The day after graduation, I packed up my Ford Focus and drove to Dallas, Texas to meet my husband, who had already been there for 2 months and started a new life.  This was the best move we ever made.  Being away from everything we knew and being forced to really figure it all out on our own was a make or break it moment for our relationship  And we made it.

 We found a reasonable apartment to rent, Mister loved the change of scenery and being in a bigger city and I studied for the Texas bar alone in a SMU Law Library room for 3 months.  It was not fun or glamorous and I was miserable those first few months.  But I pulled up my boot straps, kept my head down, took the bar, and a week after the bar was hired on at a law firm as a true blue baby shark attorney.  I found out in November that I had passed the bar and received a hefty raise to make my shark status official.  We started looking at a new, nicer apartment, started making friends, started to create new memories and create new “favorite places.” We really found our groove and started to thrive as to young 20-somethings.

 We have now been in Dallas for 5 years.  We’ve steadily increased our income, decreased our debt and have matured in how we value each dollar we bring in.  In Part Two on my financial history, I’ll delve into what we’ve gotten ourselves in and gotten ourselves out of in the last 5 years.  

See you suburbanites soon!

[suburbantaste-blog]

Well folks.  We are one day in to this new adventure together and I already want to cry.

Even with the daily planning and the best intentions, thinking about finances can be downright draining. After an exhausting day, I had a mini emotional breakdown because some days, its just too much.  Thinking about all of the obligations you have, future you want, goals you’ve set - can be downright overwhelming.  Tonight was one of those nights.

I looked at my financial picture as a whole and just felt inadequate and like I was failing.  For no reason.  It sounds silly as I type it, but the things I was telling myself in my head and getting upset over, are literally things that have never happened to me  - they’re just my biggest fears.

Part of that fear comes from the unknown (reasonable and logical) and part of that fear comes from seeing what other people “have” and thinking, well if they have it and can do it, why can’t I?  Dreaded comparison my friends.

“They have kids, and a 4 bedroom house, and a Volvo, and 2 dog, and take trips every year, and have a remodeled kitchen, and and and and...”  It can send you into a downward spiral comparing yourself to others.

How do you guys cope? How do you guys get out of your own head? 

I can’t believe I’m one post in and I’m already asking y’all for help - my therapists.   Can I write this off on my taxes as a medical expense?

[suburbantaste-blog]

New Blog, Who Dis?

I’m back.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=adg6iEz3-Ow

 Start at 0:45.  The rapper, Mase, wrote this song just for me to give to you all.  It’s like the gift that keeps on giving. It’s a fresh start people and a lot has changed since we were last together.  Let’s delve right into it:

1)       Blog Name.

a.       The new blog name just suits me.  As I sit here, I type with my long, round, ballet pink nails, that sound like a Secretary named Trixie is typing away.  I am surrounded by my moisturizing hand lotion which smells like lavender and is made of beeswax because I read saw someone else using it at after dinner recently, so naturally, I too needed the beeswax hand lotion.  I have my gold glitter cup with plastic straw filled with ice water, a monogrammed red coffee tumbler and two (yes. 2.) May Designs planner/journals next to me in the most obnoxious floral pattern you can imagine.  My hair is too blonde, I wear too much makeup, I’ve contoured (on a weekday!), I’m wearing a striped Ralph Lauren button down starched to high heavens and I am wearing a Michael Kors ring.  I just had my midday snack of organic cantaloupe.  I carry an intolerable Louis Vuitton tote and my phone case is akin to the tote.  You know how people use the phrase, “I have a taste for the finer things in life.” I have a taste for the basic, garish, gaudy, pink and insufferable.  I have Suburban Taste.  And I won’t apologize for it.  

2)      Blog Purpose.

a.       The purpose of this blog is twofold.  One, I will be keeping you all updated with my new-ish life in my 30’s (I’ll be 31 in May.)  Showing you the suburban taste side of my life, if you will.  Two, I will be keeping you all abreast (hate but also love this word) on how I am maintaining my suburban taste while reaching my financial goals.  Finances have become a big topic with me in the last year.  Mister and I made, what I can only describe as one of the worst investments of our young adult life.  We learned a lot about personal finance, investing, frugality and put pen to paper on where we want to be in 10, 15, 30 years.  More on this later.

3)      Blog Non-Purpose.

a.       This blog is not a place for negativity.  If you don’t like the suburbs, cool, you do you.  You’re right, it is far from the city, it is cookie cutter, it is full of plain, basic people – you’re right.  If you don’t like my taste, that’s fine, I fully admit yours is probably better.  If you don’t like me, my humor, if I wronged you in 7th grade, I’m sorry about that.  I really am.  I am who I am, I give full disclosure that I am who I am, and if that’s not for you, that’s ok.  I still respect you and your opinion and the fact that you may not like me.  It took me a long time to get to this place but I’ll take a deep breath and keep being me – and you keep being you.  I encourage feedback but don’t encourage, and won’t, tolerate pointless disparagement.

b.       This blog is not a place for conceited thoughts, humble bragging, regular bragging, etc.  When I discuss my personal finance struggles and triumphs, it is not in the slightest to gloat.  In fact, it’s the opposite.  I am looking for accountability and support and guidance.  I’m hoping that by sharing my struggles and triumphs, that I will be able to learn from both.  The act of actually having to write down each month my net worth and my debt and my screw ups and my bonuses and my wins, helps tremendously in the process of reaching Mister and I’s long term goals.  Everyone’s financial goal is different, and it should be.  Personal finance is just that, personal, and it should be.  My goals probably won’t be your goals, that’s ok.  I hope it helps you make your own goals.  In the same breath, just because something was a bad investment on my part or a bad decision for me, doesn’t mean it is for you.  I love reading about other people who have made similar choices as I have, but their outcome has been different, it just adds to that knowledge bank and that is always a good thing.

Get ready party people, this is going to be good.

I missed you guys!