#substitute story saturday

[janeyseymour]

Hey an idea for an epilogue to Love Thy Neighbor would be cool to see how they're doing maybe a year later when they've been living together for a while, or when they tell everyone else at Abbott that they're together. No pressure obviously, love the story!

your wish is my command, llama.

Part 1. Part 2. Part 3. Part 4. Part 5. Part 6. Part 7. Part 8. Part 9. Part 10. Part 11. Part 12.

Ousted

Summary: the crew finds out that you and Melissa are dating, and have been for quite some time.

WC: ~2.45k

Since Jared’s arrest with the police three months, a lot has happened. Ellie has only continued to grow and flourish into a beautiful seven year old (Melissa absolutely spoiled your daughter on her seventh birthday, claiming that she had six years of birthdays to make up for), you were able to get restraining orders in place against your husband while also getting all of the child support the bastard owed you and then some (thanks to your girlfriend’s connections), and you had moved into the apartment across the hall and in with the redhead of your dreams.

Ellie absolutely loves living with Melissa, although not much has changed even then. Before the three of you lived together, the redhead was often over at your apartment, and your daughter could usually find the two of you in bed sleeping in as much as you could with the little girl running around on Saturday mornings. You still take her the park consistently, and almost all of her routines are the same as they were when you lived in the apartment across the hall. Nevertheless, it doesn’t make your heart absolutely swell when your now seven year old proudly announces, “Mel! I’m home!” on the rare occasion that you and Ellie venture out without your girlfriend before sprinting to wherever the redhead is in the apartment and launching herself into Melissa’s arms.

What hasn’t changed is that only Barbara knows that the two of you are involved romantically. Everybody else just believes that the two of you are quite close and that you carpool to work because you live in the same apartment complex. It’s not that you’re hiding your romantic relationship- it’s just that you’ve never actually bumped into anybody outside of work because while they’re going out to bars, you’re at home or at the park with your girlfriend and daughter. Neither of you are particularly touchy at school either, so while you hold hands at the park or Melissa will set her chin on your shoulder at home, your work crew doesn’t see those soft, warm moments.

But today is terrible for you. You wake up with a groan, and your hand immediately flies to your lower stomach. PMS really is a bitch for you, and it doesn’t matter how many pills you’re on to try to combat those pains. Motherhood doesn’t stop though, and you go to roll out of bed to wake Ellie for school.

But a gentle hand stops you. “I got her today,” Melissa tells you in her deep morning voice. She sits up and runs a hand through her hair before making her way out of the bedroom and into your daughter’s. You hear Ellie squeal with delight at the sight of your girlfriend, and you can’t help the smile that washes over your face.

You know you have to get out of bed though. Work calls, and with the substitute shortage that seems to never end you know you should be there for your kids- even if it means teaching from your chair with the heating pad pressed up against your body nearly all day. So you roll out and get dressed as quickly as you can before heading into the bathroom to fix your face and ridiculous bedhead.

When you make your way into the kitchen, your girlfriend and your daughter are already eating breakfast and there’s a plate and mug of coffee just the way you like it in your spot. There’s also a glass of water, a few pills, and a hot water bottle waiting for you.

“Good morning,” you sigh as you take your place. Melissa immediately leans over and kisses your cheek. Ellie follows suit.

“Good morning, Momma,” your little girl squeaks out through a mouthful of egg.

You smile over at her before reaching for the medication and downing it with a gulp of water. The hot water bottle gets placed where you’re hurting the most, and you groan in discomfort as you pick up your fork.

“That bad, huh?” the redhead looks at you, clearly concerned at the amount of pain you’re in.

“I’ll be fine,” you grumble. “Just don’t let me forget the heating pad when we leave today.”

Melissa gives you a look of pity before finishing off her breakfast. She clears her spot at the dining room table before glancing to your daughter. “Go be a good girl and get ready for school on your own today?”

Ellie finishes off the last of her breakfast and races for her room.

“And brush your hair the right way, El!” your girlfriend calls after her. Ellie’s giggles can be heard from her room.

“Thank you,” you say quietly. “I don’t know if I could’ve handled getting her up and ready today.”

“Take it easy today, okay?” she tells you before kissing the top of your head. “I’ll take care of El today. All of you have to worry about today is getting through.”

The three of you are out of the apartment and in the car much faster than you had anticipated. And of course, you forgot the heating pad in your bedroom as you head out for the day, your mind only on the hot water bottle in your clutch. You only realize that once you’re in the staff lounge sipping on your second cup of coffee for the day.

“Fuck,” you whisper to yourself, but of course Melissa hears you. So does Ellie.

“Momma, you said a bad word,” your little girl scolds you.

“Momma forgot the heating pad today,” you groan as you hold your stomach.

Ellie purses her lips into a fine line, as does your girlfriend. “Oh.”

“Shit, I’m sorry I forgot to remind you,” the redhead places a gentle hand on your shoulder as she apologizes. “I’ll run back home and pick it up during prep today.”

“You don’t have to do that,” you sigh back. “I can survive the next eight hours.

You indeed, are barely surviving by the time your prep comes around, and your kids head off to their special class without you there to escort them down the halls. They make their way through the building silently, knowing how much you hate when they chatter in the hallways and wanting to make you proud. Of course, on her way back from dropping her own class off, Melissa runs into your class. She finishes taking them down to the music room before making her way into your classroom.

“Y/N? Hun?” your girlfriend knocks on the doorframe lightly, and the sight in front of her nearly breaks her heart. Your curled up in your desk chair as a few tears make their way down your face.

You brush away at your tears quickly, praying she hadn’t seen them. “Hey.”

She makes her way into your room, closing the door behind you. “Babe, are you really hurting that bad?”

You just nod. “I forgot the heating pad, my water bottle is cold, and I thought I had Midol here, but I was wrong.”

“Honey, I can run-”

“You’re not running home and missing your prep period because I’m an idiot,” you groan. “I’ll be fine.”

“At least let me heat up your water bottle for you.” She holds out her hand, expecting you to put the object in her hand.

You sigh in reluctance before giving it to her. “Thank you.”

“I’ll just be a few minutes. Do you need anything else?”

You shake your head. Melissa peers into your coffee mug, which is relatively empty, before plucking it off your desk and heading down the hall for the staff lounge. 

She returns a few minutes later, and you give her a grateful smile. She presses a quick kiss to your temple before she pulls a chair up next to yours and starts on her grading as her free hand gently rubs your back. With the warmth of her hand and the bottle pressed up against you, you manage to doze off. You only wake when she shakes your shoulder gently with an apologetic look.

“Huh?” you grumble as you open your eyes blearily. It takes a second for your eyes to focus again, but when they do she’s standing right in front of you with concern in her own sparkling green eyes.

“Babe, you fell asleep,” she tells you. “Are you really sure you’re okay?”

“Y-yeah,” you hum out as you stretch just slightly from being in a ball for the last thirty minutes. You go to stand to pick up your kids, but your girlfriend stops you.

“I got ‘em,” she promises. She returns with your kids a few minutes later.

By lunch, you’re absolutely drained. Your kids were being well-behaved for the most part, but there’s always shit that you have to deal with when it comes to them. You groan as you make your way down to the staff room, and when you expect to see your girlfriend she isn’t there.

“Anyone seen Melissa?” you ask as you grab your lunch from the refrigerator.

“She just left,” Janine says. “Said something about having to run out, but she’ll be back soon.”

You scowl as you sit down in your spot. You know where she went- home to grab your heating pad and Midol.

“Why?” the second grade teacher asks.

You shrug. “Just curious. She normally beats me in here.”

The redhead comes in about ten minutes later with your heating pad in hand. “Hey.” She plugs it in and hands it to you.

Gregory, Janine, and Jacob all give each other questioning looks. Their looks only grow more confused when you take it from her hastily and press it against your abdomen.

“Melissa, I told you not to go home and get it,” you sigh as the pain starts to go away.

She just shrugs and hands you the bottle of pills she brought from home too. And then she presses a soft kiss to the top of your head before turning to get her own lunch.

That has Jacob and Janine’s mouths fall open.

“Close ‘em,” Melissa quips. “You’ll catch flies.”

“What- what was that?” Jacob points between the two of you frantically. “What was that?!”

Melissa rolls her eyes, but she doesn’t give them the response they’re looking for.

“‘Home’?” Janine searches for words. “A kiss on the head? What is going on here?!”

“We’re dating,” you sigh as your eyes flutter closed.

“Dating?” Gregory asks. “As in… you’re seeing each other romantically?”

“That’s kind of what dating means,” you quip.

“Since when?” Jacob asks. “Mel Mel, I thought we were tight!”

“We are, Jacob,” your girlfriend rolls her striking green eyes again as she sits down next to you. Now that the cat is out of the bag, you pull your chair a bit closer to hers and rest your head on her shoulder.

“Since when?” the man asks again.

Melissa takes a bite of her own lunch. “Officially? About nine months. Unofficially? The day I met Y/N and Ellie.” Your girlfriend looks to her work wife with a smile.

“You knew?!” Janine asks Barbara incredulously.

The kindergarten teacher just laughs. “Melissa is my work wife, of course I knew. Why do you think I’m Auntie Barb whenever Ellie sees me now?”

“Oh my god,” Jacob gasps. “It all makes sense now!”

“What’s the commotion?” Ava asks as she waltzes into the staff room. 

“Y/N and Melissa are dating,” Barbara tells your boss. “And everyone else just found out.”

Ava gives the two of you a look in approval, not that you see it with your eyes still closed. “Does this mean Melissa is now a milf too?”

“Ava,” Melissa warns lowly.

“What?” the principal asks. “We all knew you was hot, but now you’re like a mother- milf!”

“I am Ellie’s mother,” you grumble as you open your eyes to glare at your boss.

Ava gives you a smirk. “And we all done been knew you was a milf.”

“Ava, I swear to God,” you warn. “I am not in the mood for this right now.” You close your eyes again, and that gets your principal to quiet her mouth. It doesn’t get the others to stop asking questions though.

Melissa answers them, mostly shortly, for the rest of lunch. The bell rings, indicating that the lunch period and recess period is over though, and you groan as you remember you have to get through the rest of your afternoon with the kids.

Thankfully, they’re angels for you, and you have no doubt in your mind that your girlfriend gave the class a talking to while she was bringing them back in from outside. 

You head outside a few minutes late to monitor dismissal duty. When you get there, Ellie is already on Melissa’s hip and clinging to her as she animatedly tells the redhead about her day.

“There’s my little girl,” you sigh as you make your way up to them.

“Momma!” your daughter brightens at the sight of you. She reaches for you before remembering that you aren’t in the state where you can really hold her right now while standing up.

“You can cuddle your momma at home,” Melissa promises her. Ellie seems content with that compromise, laying her head down on the second grade teacher’s shoulder. 

Dismissal is over not much longer after that, and the three of you head home. Your girlfriend cooks dinner, you get your daughter to do the worksheet that her teacher sent home, and then you curl up on the couch like you usually do after a long day at work. Ellie snuggles right up to you and promptly falls asleep listening to your heartbeat as she watches her beloved Bluey.

Melissa reaches for the remote and lowers the volume of the television before speaking. “So, how do you feel about the group knowing? About us?”

You shrug against her. “I don’t mind- I’m surprised it took them this long to find out actually, but I’m shocked you ousted us with a kiss to my head.”

“You looked like you needed it,” she tells you before pecking your cheek.

You smile. “I did. And, thank you for bringing me the heating pad, as much as I was annoyed you missed some of your lunch.”

“Anything for my girl,” the redhead chuckles against you. “Think you’ll be feeling at least a little better tomorrow?”

“I doubt it,” you sigh. “You know how I am.”

“I do,” your girlfriend frowns just slightly. “We’ll make sure that we don’t forget the heating pad tomorrow though, yeah?”

You nod against her shoulder.

“And if we do, just know that I’ll run home again for you,” she promises you. 

TAGS, and lmk if you wanna be added! : @schemmentis @thesapphictimelady @marvel210 @itisdoctortoyousir @morgana-larkin @thesamesweetie @doesthatsuggestanythingtoyou @marvels--slut @gwennybriggs @megamultifandomtrashposts @lemz378 @http-sam @melissaschemmentisbranzino @imaginesmultifandoms @sexysapphicshopowner @lilfartbox1 @maybe-a-humanbean @imlike-so-gaydude @sapphicxrat @a-queen-and-her-throne @sunsol-22 @notinmyvocab @melanielaufeyson

[kiwi-but-the-bird-not-the-fruit]

Hii!

Could you do more nefero and F!Reader?

Hallo! yes ofc love these two

Male nefera x fem! Reader

She/her

Using [Name] as substitute for y/n

Fluff/Simp Nefero/sensual insinuations (hope that's alright it's not that strong but it implied they sleep together)

Headcanons! ( I liked the headcanon I made for clawdeen x reader requests so I'm making it for this couple. I hope you like it!!)

This is the present 18/19 pair (guess who's older hehe)

(If it's not what you wanted and you wanted just Fluff headcanon or short fluffy story,please request it again with a promt that can help me and I'll write the fluffy story for you, I don't like the thought that it's not what you wanted and I like to correct if the sensual insinuations made you uncomfortable )

(I'll only make changes if anyone just wanted Fluff and didnt seem to specify, only time I'll change something but you'll have to request again)

__________________________________________

-Nefero is the type of boyfriend to buy you anything you tell him you want but it's not In a "buy me this that i told you" it's a "i'm thinking about buying this book/eyeshadow palette"t and you want his opinion and a day later he's got it for you

"Nefie you really didn't have to-" you were interrupted "Nonese my jewel I wanted too plus I have to say that this pallet will look amazing with your makeup"

- he loves to be chest to chest with you hugging, seeing your gorgeous face/eyes and soft lip gloss covered lips makes him go crazy, so he'll end up kissing you and your neck while you giggle and put your hands through his hair sometimes tugging at the root cause that makes him melt.

- cuddling you is his hobby, you as the little spoon as he holds your waist his head in the crock of your neck inhaling your vanilla perfume, his hands will then go to your hip dips and he'll just have them there squeezing them at times while your busy playing a silly phone game.

"Yeah Nefie?" You ask "Nothing my jewel just wanted to squish you hehe" he giggles his voice vibrating at the back of your neck making you blush cause wow is he fine especially with his morning voice! Just thinking about it makes you melt

-speaking of squeezing your hip dips he'll squeeze them if your sitting on his lap facing him while you prep his face with kisses or when watching drama shows you turned around, he love your thighs looking at them, sitting on the floor in between them and if your wearing shorts he'll kiss the inner part of your thighs, he knows it's one of your favorite things you let him do.

-Nefero always goes with what you want and wants him to do with you. He's your personal sugar daddy but he's your actual boyfriend that NEEDS to spoil you rotten but you always stay humble.

-bless the undead soul of any manster that tries to flirt with you. He's towering over them like it's nobody's business. The same goes for you to any ghoul you are also tall so you can bring a ghoul down especially with your glare. It's not like they can steal him from you he's practically one step closer to tattooing your hickeys you give him

-he'll take you on dates every Saturday night to you guys favorite restaurants yes restaurants he'll tell his servants to make a wheel with all the options and you spin it, he loves how you light up and clap your hands in excitement

- when you and him go out on theses dates he'll wait outside sitting at the edge of your bed holding one of your plushies on his lap,as you get change you'll then model for him in three dresses and he decides which one goes well with his and you give your take,it's a nice conversation of just fashion coordination.

-Nefero can't deny the way you make him feel 24/7,365 so he's giving you mountains of gifts books,flowers, perfumes, clothes anything he thinks you'll like and they he just KNOWS you'll love

-Nefero loves your feminine style the skirts and dresses, jumpers with embroidery, bell bottoms with a cute top,he's on his knees

-His favorite thing you do is when you wear a red lipstick and kiss his face and neck letting every jealous ghoul know that he's yours.

-another last thing for now is that you lay on his body when sleeping over and just be calm as he strokes your hair happy to have you with him,he thinks great fully that you actually gave him a chance even after hearing all his dumb stuff he did he's just so thankful for having his jewel, his queen the goddess sent from heaven be his one and only love.

[cha-melodius]

Thank you all for the inspiration saturday/weekend tags @orchidscript, @three-drink-amy, @welcometololaland, @indomitable-love, and @14carrotghoul, I really WISH I could share some inspo photos with you but unfortunately what I have been writing this weekend is TOP SECRET. So instead, for SSS (thanks additionally for the tags @kiwiana-writes, @orchidscript, @tintagel-or-cockleshells) here's seven sentences from the YGM AU, which I will be back at soon.

Sharing an email excerpt this time that contains a line that had @celeritas2997 and @cricketnationrise yelling at me in the doc.

For a brief time I could imagine that, in some other universe, this could be my life. Then I came home and curled up with David, a cup of tea, and a new book. At least I can say I’m branching out from Austen, seeing how I’m sure I’ve read Pride & Prejudice no fewer than 200 times. Don’t even get me started on her others. Often I wonder if I’m using these stories as a wholly inadequate substitute, patching in the gaps in my own life that are destined never to be filled. Sometimes I think that it’s ok, that that’s what the stories are there for, after all. Sometimes I think maybe if I was braver I’d be able to go after what I wanted instead of just reading about it. Yours, H

Tagging folks who already shared inspo weekend posts to drop some tasty words (@indomitable-love, @14carrotghoul, @three-drink-amy, @clottedcreamfudge, @dumbpeachjuice) and additionally @nontoxic-writes, @lilythesilly, @myheartalivewrites, @leaves-of-laurelin, @celaestis1, @daisymae-12, @treluna4, @rmd-writes, @loki-is-my-kink-awakening, and whoever wants to jump in.

[benkyoutobentou]

31 Days of Productivity Reading もう一回！: Day 10

Before: I don't have a proper before, since I didn't get to write anything before I started reading and I just needed to finish ポーの一族 today anyways. But I can still tell you about my day before I started reading! I usually run errands on Saturdays and thus don't usually read too much. In addition to my usual errands, I also went to the craft store to look at their Halloween decorations and get some yarn. My next door neighbor is pregnant and I'd like to crochet her a baby blanket as a present! And then for dinner I made myself some chickpea tikka masala that was delicious.

After: Now on to the good stuff. I finished the last 90 pages of ポーの一族 and it hit the spot tonight. I've been in my usual late summer Halloween mood lately and the aesthetic of ポーの一族 was perfect. It's not very gothic in story or plot line, but the aesthetic is wonderfully gothic and just feels perfect to read on a rainy October day. It was just what I needed! The language in this series so far isn't very difficult, but I do find myself getting lost in all the hiragana. Sometimes I have to really think to be able to parse the words and separate them from each other, whereas I wouldn't have an issue if it just used kanji. I also noticed this in BASARA, but it seems like older shoujo series don't use the 々 marking. So for example, 日々 was written as 日び. I think ベルサイユのばら did it too, I'll have to keep an eye out for it next time I read a volume. If anyone here is into older shounen manga, I would love to know if they do the same thing!

Now, you might be noticing that ninety pages does not fulfill my goal of reading 100 pages of manga per day. I didn't really want to start something new knowing that I wouldn't have the time to fully get into it, so I decided to just continue on with 憎らしい彼 (a novel) which is on my tbr for the month. Because I started it in March and still haven't finished it. Don't look at me. So here's my ridiculous math: if my goal was to read 100 pages of manga per day or 25 pages of a novel, then one page of a novel is worth four pages of a manga. Therefore, if I have ten manga pages left of my goal, then I could substitute that for 2.5 pages of a novel, in this case 憎らしい彼. So that's what I did. After a little brain break, though, because I don't usually like jumping immediately from one thing to the next.

In the end, I read 8 pages of 憎らしい彼 for a total of 98 pages across both manga and novels. I'd say that fulfills my goal nicely. I would have read more, but it's getting late and I really should be getting to bed. Also, I've noticed that Nagira Yuu's writing tends to be a bit harder for me to parse. It's never bothered me too much, given that certain authors have writing styles that are easier to read regardless of language and even in my native English, but I didn't really feel that with this little excerpt I read tonight. Hopefully this means good things for my Japanese and wasn't just a lucky break. I've been feeling pretty solid with my Japanese level during this challenge, I can't wait for a book to come along and prove me wrong this month.

[ahwp]

This is the Sippy Saturday Podcast Brought to you by At Home With Piper and The Harrington Foundation.

Season 1 Episode 1: Life Be Lifin'

Piper smiles at the camera as she's given a countdown by her producer. As she’s given her cue, she parts her lips and begins her introduction from her seat on the blush pink couch.

Piper: Hey babes! Welcome to the inaugural episode of the Sippy Saturday Podcast, brought to you by At Home with Piper. Today’s episode is sponsored by The Harrington Foundation. I’m Piper, your host, and new bestie. As if you couldn’t tell by the sash and crown, it’s my fucking birthdayyyy!!! (She chuckles softly as she repositions the mic and opens a bottle of tequila, pouring a shot.) On tonight’s episode, it’s just me and you, talking about life and how it’s been whipping my ass for the past few years cause, baby, life has been lifing the fuck out of me. So grab a drink, if you’re smart, you’ve already made you a Sippy Saturday cocktail from my At Home With Piper website, grabbed your snacks, and are sitting comfy waiting on the tea. Let’s toast to a good night, the happiest of birthdays for myself and anyone else celebrating, and an amazing Episode.

(The scene cuts to a prerecorded clip of Piper making the drink of the night. )

Piper: Tonight’s Mocktail is one of my favs, the Spicy Paloma. The recipe will be linked below with some alcohol substitute for my drinkers out there. (She takes a sip and rocks side to side while tasting it. She taps the glass with her finger nails and smacks her lips) Mhm.. I’m telling you guys, you have to try it. It’s a must.

Piper: A few very important things to know about me, I’m a 28 year old entrepreneur and a mommy of 2. I’m in therapy weekly and it’s the only thing other than God, keeping me from ending a few mother fuckers. Praise God. My kids are my world. I love my babies with my whole being and wouldn’t trade them for the world. Now let’s circle back to therapy. Baby get you some! Okay? Okay! Cause listen, the shit I’ve experienced these past few years, was enough to make me lose my mind. I completely lost myself, I’m talking didn’t recognize myself in the mirror, lost. I was so sad and depressed and just pushed away everyone I loved. Looking back on my life, younger me never expected any of the things she has now. Not the money, the houses, the kids, the experiences, none of it. I didn’t expect a bad life, but I thought my life would be really simple. I’d still be back home, I’d own a modest house and I’d be a school teacher. I just wanted to be happy and content. Instead, I’m a single mom of two, and while I’m killing this shit, this shit is not for the faint of heart. Granted I do have more resources than some other moms and I’m not saying that it’s hard in that way, but let’s not act as though carrying, birthing, and then caring for life isn’t something hard that all moms struggle with despite finances. I had a solid plan for my life and while a lot of it has come to pass, this family dynamic is not what I expected.

I grew up going back and forth between Rhode Island and New York. I’m the oldest of 4 girls and I was the favorite. Sorry girls, but it’s true. Ask daddy. (She laughs.) Life wasn’t hard even when it was. My parents made sure we didn’t see or feel the hardships of a young married black couple living part time in uptown New York or the two bedroom flat in Rhode Island that they owned but could barely afford. It was during all the back and forth that I met my ex husband at 15. I plan to have him on here one day and we can tell that story then. But basically, we were together for 8 years before he moved to LA. I followed him months later. I was a kindergarten teacher and was in college getting my bachelor’s of nursing degree. I graduated and moved to LA and when I got here, all that sweet phone talk about what life would be if I moved out here turned into some “you need to find your self ” bullshit. (She lowers her voice to mimic her ex’s and laughs and takes another sip of her drink.) Granted, his arguments ended up being true. I had been with him since I was 15. I really didn’t know who I was as a woman without him. So we break up for a while and then get back to gather, have a kid and get married. This man was my first everything. The first man I ever loved no one could have told me, we wouldn’t have lasted. Not even a year into our marriage were we divorced. My life had become motherhood and trying to please him, while his life had become being our provider and protector and we lost one another. We both saw it and I thought we were working on it, and then I found out he had cheated. It was public. I was humiliated. I remember feeling like I had failed, my self, my son, my parents. I couldn’t understand how. I followed the rules. (She uses air quotes as she sets her glass on the table next to her) This was the first time i experienced depression. PPD and divorce was kicking my ass. I was hyper focused on my son to the point that I started to push away my friends, and I wouldn't even take care of myself. I would shower everyday and that was it. There were days that i didn't eat or sleep because I just couldn't bring myself to do anything that didn't involve taking care of Prince. When I finally snapped out of it and started to get a sense of myself again, I vowed to not date. Luckly, I had some friends talk some sense into me. This is when I met Greyson, my daughter's father. At the time, I was very new to dating. I hadn't been with anyone other than Caleb my entire life. I was naive and ignored key signs that this wasn't a good partnership simply because I felt wanted to feel loved and Greyson gave me that feeling. Let me take it a few steps back and reintroduce our story to you from the eyes of a whole woman. This is a part of my story and in no means do I mean to break Greyson down, but I will not lie. I was clearly in a manipulative relationship filled with gaslighting, and love bombing. In no way do I absolve myself of my poor choices in dating this man and then having a child with him, but I will not keep quiet or spare him simply to save face. I fucked up unintentionally, but his intentions were clearly malice from the start.

When I met him, I wasn’t trying or expecting to fall for anyone. I’d actually made up my mind that I’d be single and I just wanted to have some fun. Either way, we dated off and on for about 4 months before making it official. We took a trip together and we had sex for the first time. I ended up pregnant but I didn’t know that i was until until weeks later while I was dealing with the grief of losing my mom. I feel like this was the start of the major red flags in our relationship. This man would be extremely present and loving and then go missing for weeks at a time. Looking back on my pregnancy, I don’t have many fond memories. Was he there during my mom’s passing, yes, but beyond that it was very hit and miss. I didn’t get to enjoy it unless I was being celebrated by my friends. I had no shower, no gender reveal, and I only had a maternity shoot because I made myself do it. I really put on a happy face while going through hell. Not just because I’d lost my mom but because I was in an unplanned pregnancy with a man who would up and disappear on me with no warning and then come back and love bomb the fuck out of me and gaslight me to hell. I started to realize this in my pregnancy and for reasons known now, I thought I should hold on. I knew in my mind, that I could fix this. This was something minor. He wasn’t use to relationships and I was only use to the one that I’d been in for 10 years that had failed. So here I am, a year removed from a very long term relationship and in a very new relationship, unexpectedly pregnant, and my man was love bombing me. He was inconsistent and always in some shit. I put on a smile and took care of home. Things were not great but they weren’t bad. Thats what I kept telling myself. We had some work to do but nothing that couldn’t be repaired. That was my mindset, until I realized that I was in deed on some bullshit. My daughter barely knew her dad and I was okay with just dealing with that to save face. To hold out hope that he would fix things, that this relationship, wouldn’t be a failure. That I would get my happy ending. Well that shit ended in the fiery pits of hell. I was one foot out the door by the end of it and had left my own home and was staying with my sister Syx a few weeks before things ended. Do yall know this man had the audacity to ask me to change my name but wasn’t ready to marry me? Yeah. We had an entire argument about why I still have my ex’s last name and why he wouldn’t marry me because of it. Despite the fact that this was something discussed on one of our first dates. That moment was the defining moment for me. I knew things were done. How could you love me but have no regard for me or my son? A few weeks after we talked and were trying yet again, his disappeared and I havent seen or heard from him since. No calls to see his daughter, no desire to be a dad yet this child was something he wanted so bad. Needless to say, I was pissed. It was an anger I’d never felt before. It took me such a long time get myself out of that space but here we are. I was so angry that I wanted to physically hurt this man, not because of how he had done me but becauwe he abandoned his child. My daughter is the sweetest thing. She’s so loving and smart and I know we all say that about our kids but my babygirl is something so special and I’m so angry with myself for making the choice I made in her father because he’s just a sorry excuse of a man. I tried so hard to not talk down about him but how can you not tell the truth about a person? (She sighs and sits back) the honest truth is I feel like I’ve held myself back from moving forward by trying to protect him and his character. I’ve filmed this episode 5 or 6 times and each time has ended in me crying and cursing him out in the unholiest of ways. I’m talking certifiable unhinged behavior. My therapist got a big check after those sessions. What’s changed though is the fact that I know my kids are better off without him and his influence.

As I'm growing, I’m learning more and more about myself and just life in general. For years, basically my entire life, I felt like a child needed both parents, or that I had to follow the rules if I wanted to be happily married or raise amazing kids and that’s simply not true. My babies are well rounded, well traveled, respectful, honest, and loving. I’ve done an amazing job. I have an amazing family and support system that loves my children like their own. I couldn’t ask for a better village. I believed that I my marriage would be successful because I’m a good woman who cooks, cleans, makes her own money and has other great attributes and talents. (Piper winks at the camera as she sips from her glass.) It didn’t take me long to learned that you can be perfect for someone and that shit can still go wrong. You can do your part, be the most loyal, humblest person and people will still fuck you over and walk all over you. Shit happens. Is it okay? No, but what can you learn from it? What is God trying to teach you? I feel like this past year has been the most important year of my life. I don’t work as hard, I spend more time with my kids making memories, my sister and I moving together and we’re raising our kids as a family and it’s the most wholesome shit I’ve ever done. I feel so at peace knowing that this year brought me peace by any means necessary. God did not play about me. He taught me patience, made me more aware of my own weaknesses and strengths, granted me favor and peace of mind while navigating all the shit I mentioned prior to now and the things I didn’t. He taught me the importance of letting things go so that I can move on. I’m a very empathetic person and I carry so much weight on my shoulders to understand everyone and to be understood. In the past that has caused me more hurt than anything. Instead of walking away, I’d try to fix things that don’t serve me. I don’t want to be that girl anymore. I can’t be her. I have two kids that literally don’t eat unless I feed them. They depend on me and I refuse to let them down. I say all do this to say, if you’re in a season where you feel like it’s blow after to blow, attack after attack, it gets better. If you’re in a place where you can’t look yourself in the mirror without crying or feeling like you e lost yourself, then wipe your tears and remind yourself who the fuck you are. That shit it momentary. It gets better. I don’t care what anyone says. It gets better because it has to. No weapon formed against you can prosper against you, because it’s not strong enough to. We’re not meant to stay down. We’re meant to learn something and then use it to bring ourselves as the other people like us out of that hole we feel buried in. Sometimes you need a little help. Therapy was quintessential in helping me through my toughest times. Because I want this podcast to be focused on purging the negativity and creating a positive environment for growth and development, I’ve created a foundation focused on supplying resources for those who just need a little help in life.

The Harrington Foundation is a non profit organization that is partnering with local therapists to bring free therapy to those in need in our local communities. This foundation is not only meant to bring forth grief counseling and mental health services to the community but other outreach programs like feeding the hungry and housing the homeless. Too often do we hear the stories of someone needing help with no one willing to give it. I will not be that person. If you would like to help the cause, feel free to donate at the link below or visit theharringtonfound.org. If you are in need of assistance in any way, be it therapy, paying a bill, help finding a home, contact us at 1-888-8888. We have funds readily available to help those in need. Thank you all for listening to me rant about my troubles and passion for growth. This has been the Sippy Saturday Podcast. Thank you for joining means I hope I see you next week. Love yall now bye! I got to go feed these kids. I didn’t even finish my drink Chile. (Piper laughs as the scene cuts to the ad for the Harrington Foundation and her other businesses.)

[transbookoftheday]

Elle Campbell Wins Their Weekend by Ben Kahn

Ferris Bueller's Day Off meets Gamer Girl for middle grade in this hilarious, heartfelt story about a non-binary kid trying to figure out who they are at home, at school, and in the fandom that changed their life.

All Elle Campbell wants to do is meet their hero, non-binary icon Nuri Grena. Well, okay, they'd like a bit more than that -- they'd like to learn how to do cat eye makeup, for queen bee Casey to stop critiquing their outfits, and for the finale of Elle's favorite show to have been less terrible. But meeting Nuri means the most of all.

So when Elle learns that Nuri is coming to town for book signing on Saturday, Elle is thrilled. It's the perfect chance to meet their hero! Elle's never been happier since they came out as non-binary, but they have a lot of questions -- questions only Nuri can answer.

But Elle's dreams are dashed when an altercation with a surly substitute teacher lands Elle in Saturday detention. Elle is ready to give up until their two best friends come up with a plan to bust them out of school. A plan so outrageous, it just might work.

Yet that's just step one. The kids also have to make their way across town with no money, no phones... and no driver's licenses. But they refuse to give up -- even if that means "borrowing" scooters from elementary school loan sharks, or winning a laser tag tournament with a cash prize.

Comic-author Ben Kahn makes their middle grade debut with this zany, heartfelt love letter to friendship, John Hughes movies, and the power of accepting who you are . . . even when there's no set map for where you're going.

[luigihamilton44]

i think what george is missing is instead of showing he’s a lewis hamilton or better (which if we’re being honest is a big ask) atm he’s trying to show the superstar moves that can be displayed. last year i think he was setting up his car more for saturdays like the ferraris (i think less downforce means faster one lap pace but then your car is sliding over a race distance and you eat up your tires? i can’t really remember the explanation) this is not to say he’s not a good qualifier tho but then lewis is not just a good qualifier, he’s a good racer too. and when he tries to replicate the race craft, lewis isn’t just a good racer, he’s also able to visualize a full race in order to know when to baby his tires and what battles aren’t worth fighting for. some of that may be down to experience but then i look at the rookies he came with and it’s a hard argument. damon hill pointed this out that george drives like he’s trying to compensate for something and i think that’s what’s happening… in trying to dictate when to play the team game and i don’t even want to get into his other radio messages. i think toto is also to blame a little for putting him beside a 7xwdc and selling to him him that his learning phase is over, he’s already a full package when we’re watching him do similar things that he did at williams.

i agree partially to that. like, on one hand it is very difficult to be compared to the one and only lewis hamilton, and what he is trying to do is to affirm is "dominance by youth", if you get what i mean. like, he is not one to let the older driver prevail without a fight and it shows. and he even tries to use his cunning to do it (which often lead to questionable results). However i think george is doing is perfectly normal in an agonistic environment, and it should've been toto or who for him to manage the situation in order to make this natural transition as easy as possible. instead we see mercedes (by words, the facts tell another story) push george in that direction and kind of enable him in this behavior. but after all what do we know, team dynamics are far more complicated than what transpires to us fans. and that is not to say mercedes doesn't deserve criticism bcs we see very little of what happens, because what us fans see is more than enough to prompt that. like, it is to expect that next year merc will lose many fans, it's natural, but this way they are alienating said fans even more instead of making george a good substitute. but now i am digressing.

As for the difference in racing. idk if i am the best person to be asked, because to me lewis is on another level of racing than the whole grid (bar alonso i have to admit), and that is not just because of experience. to me he is someone who can only be compared with the great champions of the past, like schumi, senna, prost, niki lauda, etc. so i agree with you that his experience right now may look like he is overcompensating and to me it doesn't mean just driving in a certain way, but to me it means he underlines his points of strenght, and that's qualifying, and in this sense i think he is doing the right thing. play by his own strengths as main points. what it's sad to see, instead is that this doesn't allow himself to grow up. And mercedes with this behavior doesn't either, because they expect him to be a perfect racer already. There is someone who blames the long time in williams, but that's bullshit imho, because driving in a less performative car helps a lot with many things and gives you a solid base in order to drive a better car with a good ability. but that doesn't mean that a the growth is finished. Mercedes signed george basically in 2022, when he was 24, a more than good age to sign with a good team. the point here is to see how much improvement george made during those 3 years in mercedes. because to me it looks like merc put him up to a challenge he cannot win, instead of forming a true collaboration where he can learn from the very best, even when it came to the experimentations of early 2022, just to make an example. by putting him as the new diamond with all the expectations of the world, merc is just making george shield behing what he can already do, with little space for growth.

Expecting him to be the next lewis hamilton is absurd, because if he were at that level, i can assure you, it would've been noticed earlier. that doesn't mean he can't be a world champion one day and that he isn't worth waiting for his maturity. this mentality of the "all and right now" is detrimental to the whole sport, because not everybody can be lewis, seb, fernando or schumacher, but many world champions came out without being super shiny talents (hill, villeneuve jr, etc). So (while i personally hope merc falls into oblivion hahahhaah) i think that we are watching the true george russell right now, okay, but next year we will see what he will do without the pression of being next to lewis, if he will be able to grow or not

[whileiamdying]

Cass Elliot’s Death Spawned a Horrible Myth. She Deserves Better

The Mamas & the Papas singer was known for her wit, her voice and her skill as a connector. For 50 years, a rumor has overshadowed her legacy.

Michael Putland/Getty Images

By Lindsay Zoladz Published May 9, 2024 Updated May 18, 2024

Onstage with her group the Mamas & the Papas at the Monterey International Pop Festival in June 1967, Cass Elliot, the grand doyenne of the Laurel Canyon scene, bantered with the timing of a vaudeville comedian. “Somebody asked me today when I was going to have the baby, that’s funny,” she said, rolling her eyes. The unspoken punchline — if you could call it that — was that she had already given birth to a daughter six weeks earlier.

“One of the things that appeals to so many people about my mom is that there’s a certain level of triumph over adversity,” that daughter, Owen Elliot-Kugell, said over lunch at the Sunset Marquis Hotel in Los Angeles on a recent afternoon. “She had to prove herself over and over again.”

Elliot was a charismatic performer who exuded infectious joy and a magnificent vocalist with acting chops she did not live to fully explore. July 29 is the 50th anniversary of her untimely death at 32, a tragedy that still spurs unanswerable questions. Might Elliot, who was one of Johnny Carson’s most beloved substitutes, have become the first female late-night talk show host? Would she have achieved EGOT status?

Half a century after her death, her underdog appeal continues to inspire. Last year, “Make Your Own Kind of Music” — a relatively minor 1969 solo hit that has nonetheless had cultural staying power — became such a sensation on TikTok that “Saturday Night Live” spoofed it, in a hilariously over-the-top sketch in which the host Emma Stone plays a strangely clairvoyant record producer. “This song is gonna be everywhere, Mama,” she tells Elliot, played by Chloe Troast. “Then everybody’s gonna forget about it for a long, long time, but in about 40, 50 years, I think it’s gonna start showing up in a bunch of movies, because it’s a perfect song to go under a slow-mo montage where the main character snaps and goes on a rampage.”

Cass Elliot performing on her television special “Don’t Call Me Mama Anymore” in September 1973. After she went solo, she found it hard to shake her nickname.Credit...CBS Photo Archive, via Getty Images

“S.N.L.” didn’t make a single joke about Elliot’s weight — something that was unthinkable half a century ago. During the height of her fame, Elliot seemed to co-sign some of the jabs at her expense with a shrugging grin.

“No one’s getting fat except Mama Cass,” the Mamas & the Papas sang in tight harmony on the self-mythologizing 1967 hit “Creeque Alley.” After the infamously tumultuous group broke up a year later, Elliot was a frequent guest on “The Carol Burnett Show,” where she occasionally went for the cheap laugh. In an otherwise uproarious sketch about two prudish women browsing a store’s “dirty books” section, Elliot holds up a book titled “Eat and Lose Weight” and says, “I got as far as ‘Eat’ and then I didn’t understand the rest.”

“As she had learned early on, the best way to deal with an uncomfortable situation is with humor,” Elliot-Kugell, who has her mother’s cascading hair and dry wit, writes in her new memoir, “My Mama, Cass.” But, as she said over lunch, that doesn’t mean her mother was always laughing on the inside. “That pain had to go somewhere,” Elliot-Kugell told me. “When I think about some of the things that had allegedly been said to her during her lifetime, you can’t hear that over and over and not let it hurt.”

But of course, the most enduring joke at her expense was the one she didn’t live to tell, or to rebut. Have you heard the one about the ham sandwich?

For years, the origin of the story that Elliot died from choking on a ham sandwich — one of the cruelest and most persistent myths in rock ’n’ roll history — was largely unknown. Then in 2020, Elliot’s friend Sue Cameron, an entertainment journalist, admitted to publicizing it in her Hollywood Reporter obituary at the behest of Elliot’s manager Allan Carr, who did not want his client associated with drug use. (Elliot died of a heart attack, likely brought on by years of substance abuse and crash dieting.) But that cartoonish rumor — propagated in endless pop culture references, from “Austin Powers” to “Lost” — cast a tawdry light over Elliot’s legacy and still threatens to overshadow her mighty, underappreciated talent.

The Mamas & the Papas: Denny Doherty, Michelle Phillips, Elliot, Scott McKenzie (who joined a later version of the group) and John Phillips.Credit...Bentley Archive/Popperfoto, via Getty Images

ELLIOT’S SISTER, LEAH, coined a phrase for the strong, brassy way everyone in their family sang: “the Cohen Honk.”

Cass was born Ellen Naomi Cohen into a music-loving household in suburban Baltimore. Her stage name partly came from her father’s penchant for calling his spirited daughter “the mad Cassandra.” She was a precocious, uncommonly bright child who, in the years after World War II, liked to ask dinner guests what they thought about the “world situation.” In high school she was known for her bold, slightly unkempt personal style that flew in the face of 1950s decorum. According to her biographer Eddi Fiegel, Elliot sometimes wore “wild combinations of Bermuda shorts and high heels, with white gloves to cover her bitten-down nails.”

Many people in Elliot’s life trace her struggles with her weight to when she was 6 and went to stay with her grandparents while recovering from ringworm. They fed her well, as grandparents sometimes do, and she quickly became self-conscious about her size. By high school, she had been prescribed Dexedrine, an amphetamine then used as an appetite suppressant. “The thought that something is wrong with you is bad enough,” Elliot-Kugell writes, “but the idea that a pill or a drug might fix you can be even more dangerous.”

Still, Elliot showed remarkable self-belief. The book recounts her telling anyone who would listen “that one day she was going to become the most famous fat girl that ever lived.”

She struck a deal with her parents: If she moved to New York and didn’t find musical success in five years, she would come home and study a more respectable field, like medicine. She left home in late 1960; “California Dreamin’” was released in December 1965. She later told an interviewer: “I really just made it under the wire!”

Broadway was Elliot’s first love, but folk music was the style of the day. She brought her own distinctive flair to it in her early groups, the Big 3 and then the Mugwumps, which featured a Canadian tenor named Denny Doherty. After the Mugwumps’ split, Doherty fled to the Virgin Islands with his new friends John and Michelle Phillips to work on material for a yet-unnamed group. Elliot had sung with them casually while they were all hanging out — at least once when they were all on LSD — and she knew her voice was the missing piece in their sound.

But John, the bandleader, was brutishly reluctant. According to Scott G. Shea, a biographer of the Mamas & the Papas, Phillips “had a vision in his head” of “a group that not only sounded like an electrified Peter, Paul and Mary, but also looked like them.” Shea puts it bluntly: “Michelle was to be the centerpiece, and, in his mind, Cass was too fat to even be considered.”

The group projected a chumminess that was central to their appeal, but few people know how hard Elliot had to push to become part of the band. She showed up unannounced in the Virgin Islands hoping to ingratiate herself, but Phillips wouldn’t budge until an act of fate intervened. While walking down the St. Thomas alley that the Mamas & the Papas would later immortalize in song, debris from a construction site hit Elliot on the head and knocked her unconscious. John Phillips would later claim that Elliot’s concussion caused her vocal register to change, and it was another of those stories Elliot learned to repeat with a self-deprecating joke.

“The real story is that John didn’t like my mother’s look,” Elliot-Kugell writes. She believes “he made up the story about a fake increase in vocal range to justify his choice to finally add my mom to the band months later.”

Elliot went solo after the short-lived group’s demise, buoyed by the success of “Dream a Little Dream of Me,” a Mamas & the Papas single on which she sang lead. The final solo album she released, in 1973, had a pointed title: “Don’t Call Me Mama Anymore.” “The moniker of ‘Mama’ had always felt like a reference to her size — that is, ‘Big Mama’ — and she hated that,” Elliot-Kugell writes.

From left: Joni Mitchell, Elliot and Judy Collins at the Big Sur Folk Festival. Elliot became known as a connector in the Laurel Canyon scene.Credit...Sulfiati Magnuson, via Getty Images

Elliot remains an underrated heroine in the story of the Laurel Canyon scene, not only as a musician but also as an amiable hostess who knew how to link up like-minded people. Doherty liked to call her “the Puppeteer.”

In 1964, she introduced her friends John Sebastian and Zal Yanovsky; they became the Lovin’ Spoonful. When she heard that David Crosby and Stephen Stills had begun making music together, she suggested they add a high voice to the mix, and brought them Graham Nash. “I will give you a hundred dollars,” David Crosby told Elliot’s biographer, “if you can find a single person who says they hated Cass.”

But there was also something bittersweet about Elliot’s kinship with all these men. “I think part of the reason they all adored her is they weren’t threatened by her,” Elliot-Kugell said. “She knew more about these guys and had a relationship on a deeper level than some of their own wives or girlfriends had.” She added with a wry chuckle, “Did that mean she didn’t want to jump into bed with half of them? She probably did!”

Elliot’s unrequited love for her bandmate Doherty was perhaps the hardest to bear, especially after he and Michelle Phillips had an affair that nearly broke up the band before their first album was even released. Elliot had been smitten since the night they met, at a Greenwich Village bar where they each threatened to drink the other under the table, and eventually decided to drink … under the table. As he put it in his one-man show about the group’s history, “I knew she loved me, and I loved her too, but not like she wanted me to. She did weigh 300 pounds, and I wasn’t man enough to deal with that.”

The most difficult passages of “My Mama, Cass” are those in which Elliot-Kugell reckons with her mother’s persistent loneliness. “After the shows, when they’re screaming her name onstage and she’s bowing, she was the only one going back to the hotel by herself,” she said. “Everybody else had someone, and she didn’t.”

Elliot’s need for love and companionship is what drove her to the decision — relatively radical for a famous woman in the late 1960s — to become a single mother. When she learned she was pregnant at the height of the group’s success, after a brief fling with its touring bassist, she was defiant in her decision to raise the child on her own. “As it turned out,” Elliot-Kugell writes, wrenchingly, “my mom’s desire to have someone in her life who wasn’t going to up and leave her was what led to her desire for a child. It’s how I came to be.”

The Mamas & the Papas onstage in 1966. The group split two years later.Credit...Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images

WHEN I FINALLY got Sue Cameron on the phone, she was calling from the Atlantic Ocean, “somewhere between Bermuda and Portugal.” A journalist for more than 50 years who has published a book titled “Hollywood Secrets and Scandals,” she sometimes gives lectures on cruise ships. She was happy to reminisce about her old pal. “She had a big smile and this wide open face, very happy to see people,” Cameron said. “You just would immediately love her and want her to be your best friend.”

Cameron met Elliot when she interviewed the Mamas & the Papas in 1966; they realized they were neighbors and quickly became “sit-by-each-other’s-pool kind of friends.” Cameron has stories, like the one about the night they ran into Ann-Margret and Elliot delivered the perfect one-liner about her massive engagement ring (“I could skate on that”); or all the times Elliot would walk around with a credit card in her shoe because she didn’t like to carry a purse.

Her most painful memory is her final dinner with Elliot at Mr. Chow in the summer of 1974, before Elliot left for London. She’d never seen her friend so happy. “It was just a magical moment,” Cameron recalled. “It was just, like, the crescendo of her being. She’d had some TV specials, she was now going to go do a big nightclub act. Everything was fabulous.”

After a two-day stint of partying in London, Elliot told her friend Joe Croyle — a dancer in her show who was crashing with her at Harry Nilsson’s pad — that she was going to take a bath and turn in early because she was exhausted. Croyle figured she would be hungry too, so he fixed her a sandwich with ham, the only thing he could find in the fridge, along with some Coca-Cola. The ham sandwich, the cruelly cartoonish symbol that would come to define Elliot, was actually a gesture of care: a friend making her a meal she never got to enjoy.

Cameron heard about Elliot’s death in the newsroom of The Hollywood Reporter, where she was working at the time: “I kicked into professional mode and said, no one else is going to write that obit. I’m going to do it.” She tracked down Carr by phone in Nilsson’s apartment. “He could barely speak,” Cameron recalled. She asked what happened, and he said he didn’t know. “‘Oh, wait,’” she recalled him saying. “‘I see a half-eaten ham sandwich on the night stand. That’s good. You tell everybody that she choked on a ham sandwich, do you understand me?’”

“And I did it,” she added, “because I wanted to protect Cass.”

What was she protecting her from? “I was not aware of a lot of drugs,” she said. “I just wasn’t one of those people. And I had some suspicion around the time that she was going to London that she was on some sort of pills, but I didn’t really know anything.” In a split second, Carr and Cameron decided there was less shame in a woman ridiculed for her weight choking to death than there was in her having a drug problem. “What a terrible thing,” Cameron said, “but I was in too much of a state of shock to clean it up.”

She, too, is confounded by the story’s persistence. “Of all of the things I’ve done,” she said, “this ham sandwich has followed me my entire life.”

That story had long haunted Elliot-Kugell, too, though she felt some closure after Cameron privately divulged its origins to her when they met for lunch in 2000. Elliot-Kugell is cleareyed about what probably caused her mother’s death: “I mean, look. She was up for 48 hours, and she was at a party. Do the math.” But she doesn’t want to dwell on that. “The thing that was really important for me was that I didn’t want to write a salacious book,” she said.

In some sense, any memoir by a child of the Mamas & the Papas exists in the shadow of Mackenzie Phillips’s 2009 bombshell, “High on Arrival,” in which she accused her father John Phillips of sexual assault. But Elliot-Kugell’s memoir belongs on a different shelf entirely. It is a humanizing portrait of a woman whose legacy has, for far too long, been reduced to an outdated urban legend.

And it is a tale of an imperfect mother and a grieving daughter, of loss and long delayed catharsis. A few weeks before we spoke, Elliot-Kugell went to visit her mother’s grave. “It’s always weird when I go there, because I never know what to say,” she said. “But that day felt a little different because when I went up to the grave, I just said, ‘Hi.’ Like the way I would greet one of my cousins, or somebody who I know really well who I haven’t seen in a while.”

“I thought to myself, ‘Why, why why does it feel like this?’” she said.” All at once it dawned on her: “After going through this experience, I feel closer to her.”

Read by Lindsay Zoladz

Audio produced by Adrienne Hurst.

[lorei-writes]

Roots of Deception

Chapter I: Mendacium

Chevalier & OC (OC Chart: Esther); pre-relationship Blank period* Summary: A visit to seal the deal. Or is there more to be said between the lines? Wordcount Estimate: ~1.5k Other chapters: Masterlist

*- action takes place between the last chapter of a -- yet to be made publicly available -- long-fic, and its epilogue.

A story of a certain visit, some things told explicitly, some -- not so much.

The last chapter is going to be a short Q&A with Clavis, Esther and Chevalier. Feel free to ask just about anything :)

Major thanks to dearest @cheese-ception for aiding me with the title <3

Posting schedule: Thursday (you are here) - Friday - Saturday - Sunday, 9PM GMT+2

Content Warnings: none

Wheels tapped a steady rhythm against the uneven road, pebbles skipping out from below the horse shoes. Esther pressed her palms into her lap, her fingers grasping at her skirt as she stared outside the window, hazy shadows fanning at her face with each sway of branches above the carriage. Gold glimmered in the tree crowns, perhaps shy, or cunning in its allure. Cawing – Esther dared to steal a glance at the treasury of the skies, feather-clad guards thus beginning their assault.

Wheels tapped a steady rhythm against the uneven road, pebbles skipping out from below the horse shoes. Esther pressed her palms into her lap, her fingers grasping at her skirt as she stared outside the window, hazy shadows fanning at her face with each sway of branches above the carriage. Gold glimmered in the tree crowns, perhaps shy, or cunning in its allure. Cawing – Esther dared to steal a glance at the treasury of the skies, feather-clad guards thus beginning their assault.

“Woof!”

Esther nearly started at the sound, wings batting hastily against the air before another angry kraa was sent her way, her hands darting towards the inner pocket of her capelet. Her shoulders slumped; although not fallen, the bird was no more, and so were its complaints. She closed her eyes, the barely audible rustle coming from the opposite seat having the hairs on the back of her neck stand up.

“Too loud,” Chevalier sighed in exasperation, his lips twisted into a scowl. “What is it this time?”

“I was perfectly quiet, Prince Chevalier.” Esther shook her head. “Nothing new, I’m afraid.”

“You think too loudly.” His gloved fingers turned the page. “Playing with Clavis’ concoctions in enclosed space poses danger, unlike the birds.”

“Oh? Did he tell you he gave me some, with an instruction to be ‘a proper substitute for him during the visit at the Lavignes’ estate’?”

“No.” His eyes lifted from the words for but a brief moment. “Do not be a nuisance.”

“I will do my best, Prince Chevalier.”

“Hmph.”

Esther turned her face back towards the window. Perhaps her worries indeed were irrational if the second prince of Rhodolite himself needed to ask about their specifics in the first place.

Lady Lavigne’s estate was a lavish place, located just nearby the borders with both Benitoite and Jade. It stood tall among gardens, its impeccably white walls protruding from between a true forest of orchards and vineyards, all adorned in reliefs by the hands of foreign masters. Hidden, but not quite, locked behind garnet cherries, amethyst grapes and ruby apples of the old days, it both vanished and made itself evident, statues scattered among the greenery seemingly huddling closer to the gravel path leading towards it. Esther clenched her jaw, the carriage slowly approaching the plaza in front of the main entrance to the mansion.

“Prince Chevalier?” She turned towards him, her heart fluttering its way out of her chest and into her throat, clearly insistent on leaving her behind as soon as it would reach her mouth.

His eyes remained fixed on the words, although he did seem to savour them more thoroughly now. “If you have something to say, say it.”

“Please, at least try not to scare lady Marianne,” Esther sighed, just to be answered by a scornful half-laugh. “Please?”

The book in Chevalier’s hands closed with an audible clap. He stared Esther down, but despite her otherwise agitated state, she did not budge.

“Please?” she insisted again. “I am not asking for a smile. Just… Be a little nicer this time? A little?”

“My fool of a brother entrusted you with an impossible task.”

Esther gave up on the conversation. Perhaps, indeed, that was one of Clavis’ (un)amusing plans from the very start. She let her gaze rest in her lap, the carriage soon coming to a halt.

Annabelle Lavigne was a tall woman with eyes of stormy clouds; she wore her hair in an elegant updo, the few lightnings passing through the otherwise dark strands having been reigned into braids from which she forged a crown. Upright, yet unstrained, she awaited their arrival with an unfaltering calm over her face, her gaze boring into the carriage itself. Esther shivered at the fact, recited the specifics of their visit in her mind…

“Rag doll.”

“Yes, Prince Chevalier?” She turned towards him without a delay.

“Compose yourself.” Chevalier stood up. He reached towards her, but with no intention to touch her, a book landing gently on top of her head. “Page one hundred fifty four. Return it by the evening.”

The door opened. Esther steeled herself.

Horses neighed, gravel murmured, and trees hummed. Esther followed Chevalier out of the carriage, the vehicle heaving as a fury of a wagging tail leapt from the couch box.

“Woof!” the dog barked, its large body electrified with excitement. It glanced around quickly, but paid others no mind, its pointy ears turning towards Esther who could only watch, perhaps partially stunned. She raised her hand, and pointed at the ground in front of her feet.

“Bambi, sit,” she whispered out a command. The dog tilted its head to the side, as if confused, but obeyed her regardless, curious eyes searching her face for the answers. Lady Annabelle cleared her throat.

“Welcome, Your Highness. I am most honoured you have decided to accept my humble invitation,” she spoke, never once averting her eyes. Her arms hung by her sides, a tiny hand held in hers, its owner hiding behind her voluminous skirt – until then, that is, eyes as dark as Lady Lavigne’s, and even darker hair peaking from behind the fabric. “Shall we move on to business?”

“Indeed,” Chevalier answered, one glance of his being enough for the eyes to again disappear among the turbulent ruffles. He stifled a sigh, his demeanour turning a thousandth more sour in anticipation of the inevitable.

“Mama… My tummy hurts...”

“Marianne…” Lady Lavigne grimaced. “I’m most terribly sorry. I’m afraid I will have to escort my daughter to the infirmary fi –”

“Mama, no!” The girl clutched at her mother’s skirt. “I don’t want to! No, no, no! No! No!”

“Marianne, you will feel better then.”

“No, no, no, no, no! No! No! No! Nonononono!” she roared, shrill voice growing louder and all the more piercing with each “no”. Esther paled – now was her turn, the very reason for her presence waiting right in front of her. She took a step forward and made a curtsey, her heart skipping a beat the moment Lady Lavigne bore her eyes into her.

“Please, allow me to introduce myself,” she spoke, the wails produced by the girl nearly drowning her voice out. “My name is Esther Materna. I serve under Prince Clavis, and would like to present you with his most sincere apologies. I was instructed to take on his duties, in which case…” Esther squatted down, red face emerging from behind the skirt again.

“Prince Clavis sent you?” the girl wondered aloud.

“He did, and he told me to make sure we play so much your face hurts from smiling, Lady Marianne. He told me you love animals, and it just so happens that I own this pup right there… So, what do you say?”

“The scary man stays?”

“The scary man stays. Prince Chevalier wouldn’t want to come with us either way.”

Marianne nodded hastily, her hands dropping away from her mother. Esther stood up, the corners of her mouth twitching upwards the moment the girl latched onto her arm, the child already tugging at her to hurry her up.

“Let’s go.” The girl stole a glance at Chevalier, and tugged even firmer.

“Of course. Bambi! Get up, we have a little lady to entertain.”

Bambi barked; Marianne laughed; the grass sighed, unprepared for being stomped over by both two tiny feet and four – relatively – sizeable paws. Esther turned away from the grove one last time, the Lavigne’s mansion seemingly flickering when touched by the afternoon light. Blood bustling in her veins, she stopped to rest for a while, and glanced around, her eyes involuntarily chasing after even a glimpse of the familiar cape, but alas, it was not there… Although perhaps she should be grateful about the fact, Marianne running up to her, the young saplings shaking their lithe crowns at her.

“Esther! Esther! I found a treasure!”

“A treasure, my lady?” she asked, her attention returning to the child, the girl soon pushing a caked in dirt, and by the looks of it, slightly bent out of shape coin into her hands. Esther rubbed at it with her thumb until she could make out the heads. She looked back towards the trees, warmth seeping out of her fingertips. “That’s indeed quite a treasure! Where did you find it?”

Marianne twiddled her fingers. “Behind the tree. Bambi dug it out… But he’s growling now. Do you think he wants a treasure too?”

Esther shook her head in reply, and whistled.

“Of course not,” she assured with a smile. “Bambi isn’t a greedy pup. I think he got a little bored, though. How about we go fetch some of your dolls, and turn Bambi into a mighty dragon?”

“Dragon?”

“Drrrrragon! A huge scaly monster with lizard eyes! A scary, scary dragon that steals princesses, and fights knights, and breathes fire, and… !”

Esther didn’t get a chance to finish, Marianne already running back towards the mansion, all giggles and arms flailing in the air. She stole another glance at the coin before stuffing it in her bag. Bambi walked up to her with his tail lowered, just short of being hidden between his legs. Esther took a step forward, dismissed the imaginary hands that coiled around her neck, banished the frost, set her eyes on the mansion, and… It was only the burning in what little space was left of her throat that reminded her of what she felt. Esther smiled, as if per Clavis’ command.

--

Tag List: @cilokgoang @violettduchess @pathogenic @fang-and-feather @tele86 @wickedbeeao3

+ @akitsuneswife , because we've talked about it in comments once :)

Since it's a series, do tell me whether you'd like to be tagged for the remaining chapters. Although I suppose that they're easy enough to find?

[gffa]

hey there! i don’t know if you’ve already been asked this already, but i just saw your post about ‘what’s the niche sw lore that you know back and front, mine’s the in-universe calendars and such, since they don’t know about yavin’

…and, like, oh my gosh. for the last couple months i’ve wanted to write a sort of long, backstory fic about mon before andor, and i’m… struggling, as i have absolutely no idea what to use as a marker for years and dates and such, especially since it isn’t the easiest thing to search on google, and bby isn’t something she would know about at the time.

if it‘s not too much trouble, where could i find out more about these in-universe calendars/could you explain it/them? as a new ish fic writer, i’d honestly be forever in your debt lol

Hi!  So, this sent me on a bit of another deep dive down some rabbit holes as best as I could and while I’ve covered Coruscant Reckoning Calendar years in this post, there is still a bit more I can offer. So, the thing about Star Wars lore is that there are multiple continuities and we, as fans, absolutely should take what we want from each of them or none of them, carve out the juicy bits, and measure what’s canon in our hearts.  But there’s a difference between what a given continuity/canon has taken into account versus that fans aren’t beholden to the same rules, so!  I suggest you just do what’s right for your fic, whether that’s sticking to the Andor continuity, mixing and matching, or rejecting it all to substitute your own worldbuilding. That said, here’s what The Clone Wars shows us: In the episode “Deception”, when Rako Hardeen is going back to his room, there are posters on the walls along the way, including one for a Sy Snootles concert:

Cleaned up image is from the trivia gallery on starwars.com.  Bottom row’s translation of Aurebesh translation from Wookiepedia: “FRI–SAT 12–4“ (Supposedly, there’s also a mention of “Fri” on a poster in the background of “Missing in Action”, but I haven’t found it and I’ve been down this rabbit hole long enough.  It’s another poster, though, so consider it in the same vein as this one.) WHICH MEANS:  They apparently use Mon / Tues / Wen / Thurs / Fri / Sat / Sun in the GFFA.  Are these abbreviations for “Friday” and “Saturday”?  Or is the GFFA version just “I’m going to a concert this Fri”?  (Supplementary material says “Friday”, including Rebel Journal by Ezra Bridger using the full word.) Probably it makes more sense to use “Friday” (posters abbreviating for space’s sake makes perfect sense), but I kinda like the twee-ness of “Fri”, it feels sufficiently ridiculous enough to be Star Wars.  I love when SW is ridiculous, okay!! So why do you see “Taungsday” or “Centaxday” in fic a lot?  Because there’s another calendar called “Galactic Standard Calendar” that was used in Legends and has been mentioned in Star Wars: Build the Millennium Falcon for Disney/Lucasfilm canon, but I would be super hesitant to call that hard canon. (Wookieepedia includes it, which I think is fair!  Just that I personally would not rely on such a source to be consistent with other SW media in the Disney/Lucasfilm continuity.  But it can be very useful if you’d rather go with the five-day week that the Galactic Standard Calendar establishes, though, it doesn’t match up with the posters we see in TCW.) One thing that’s going to cause a snarl:  If that “12–4 “ on the poster means 12/4 as in December 4th, then the way the dates are written is different from how they are on the C.R.C. post, which was “7956.901.3“ (which works out to be November 25th or October 27th, if you follow the math on that first linked post), so maybe they use both “329th day of the year” and “11–25″, “November 25th”. For a Mon story in particular, she’s from Chandrila, which is a Core World, so I would expect that she probably uses the C.R.C., especially given that she’s spent so much of her life on Coruscant from such a young age.  You can just write the numbers or you can use the days/months, if you want, pick whichever feels more natural for your story!  Or mix in the Galactic Standard Calendar info if you want, too!

[tomatosoupgroup]

screenshot saturday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so uhh

this'll be a short one

sorryyyyyyy

I DO HAVE STUFF FOR YOU THOUGH

for example....

you might be wondering what the hell this is

this is a background for the visual novel aspect of the game!

well, an unfinished one.

i based it off this screenshot i took off google maps!

some of the things i need to add are

well

pretty much everything lol

but let's be more specific:

you see how in mine, all the textures seem flat, while in the real photo, the textures are defined?

bit funky innit

the thing is uh. i have no idea how to add texture like this in pixel art.

ive tried many times and it just looks really bad lmao

so i've done some research, and i think what i'm looking for are called "clusters"

never heard of those before

also whenever i look up a tutorial for drawing them they just basically say "just draw these funny shapes!" and i'm like "okay but wHERE. YOU CANNOT JUST TELL ME TO DO THING. I NEED CONTEXT FOR THING. OOGA BOOGA BANG ROCK WITH STICK"

completely unrelated but i've noticed that whenever i get two ads on youtube, i can't skip them both at once

like when i press the skip ad button, it just goes to the next ad

don't know if this is only happening to me but it is REALLY annoying

fuck you youtube

i suppose i should dedicate the end of my post to the project itself.

ANOTHER QNA!

Q: Will you charge money for the game?

A: Complicated question.

this game is the epitome of a passion project in my eyes. it is a story i am telling not for any of my own personal gain, but simply because i feel like it is a story that needs to be told.

but enough of all this sappy shit, i'll just explain it simply:

when this game eventually comes out, i will either:

a: open the game up to donations (like the "name your price" thing), the majority of which will go to charity and anyone who helps on the project or

b: make the game 100% free.

Q: Do you accept fanart of the characters?

A: UH

YEAH????

if you draw my characters i will literally go bonkers /pos style

i unfortunately don't have an official ref sheet for any of them yet, but i'll be able to provide substitutes if asked

i think it would be cool to feature some of the fanart in the credits! (with permission from the artists, of course!) but that may take up too much space so i'll have to think it over.

tldr i fucking love fanart

Q: What about NSFW?

A: ...

Okay.

Listen.

I HIGHLY advise against it. I'm a minor and that's just like. weird.

Even after I turn 18, it'll still be weird because they were characters I first drew up when I was 16.

but at the same time, i accept that this is the internet, and that some gooner supremo will eventually stumble across this game :/

so i just have one definitive request.

PLEASE

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

DO NOT INCLUDE CHARACTERS WHO ARE UNDER 18

for example:

You may remember Silhouette.

they are CANONICALLY 13.

so like. keep them out of it.

i don't care if they're "just a character". you could say my fist is "just a body part" right before i bash your face in

if you want, i can provide the ages for any character you ask. i have a whole spreadsheet!

so please.

anyways that's gonna do it for today

to everybody who isn't youtube: i love you and thank you for being here

i will see you next week!

[umichenginabroad]

Stockholm Week 4: From Northern Lights to Polar Plunging

Core Course Week is the official name of this week. I have been waiting for this week because it was my first trip outside of Stockholm. During the core course week, you travel to another city in Sweden or even another country for three days with classmates and course advisers in your core course. It is a packed schedule full of both academic and cultural activities! 

My Engineering Sustainable Environment in Scandinavia course traveled to Umeå in the second half of the week from Wednesday night to Saturday. This post is focused on my time in Umeå! 

Before the actual trip, we got a sneak peek of what our academic tours would look like. On Monday, we had an academic visit to Norrenergi's district heating plant in Solna. Looking at the reactors and walking around the plant was very different from reading about the process. 

The building was full of rooms that surprised me, just like this (this is wastewater collected in the city). Although it was wastewater, it didn’t smell too bad! 

2/7 Wed: Night Train to Umeå

On Wednesday, I packed everything in a carry-on and left for the Central Station at 10 pm. 

Taking a night train was on my bucket list. BUCKET LIST! I have been and will be saying this many more times but I am not lying. I’m a month into my studying abroad semester and already checking off several activities on my bucket list! 

The train station gave off a Hogwarts vibe and the inside of the train made me think that I was a cast member in the Murder on the Orient Express movie. Two/three of us were each given a triple room to stay the night. 

POV from my bed 

Although we had to wake up at 7 in the morning, we were too excited to sleep. We talked, took a bunch of photos, and played card games before finally going to bed. 

I took the victory in the second round of BS ٩( ᐛ )و

I fell asleep soon, looking forward to what will happen tomorrow. 

2/8 Thu: Academic Plant Visits

When we woke up to get ready, the water didn’t come out. It was an experience to wash my face and brush my teeth with a water bottle. 

The first thing we did after getting off the train was eating breakfast at Umeå University. It was followed by a series of academic sessions on sustainability and food, as well as coffee substitution and sustainability. 

It was such an aesthetic building!

Later in the day, we went on another academic visit to Umeå Energi Heating Plant. The most interesting fact I learned was that plants openly communicate and collaborate without competition because they are in different municipalities. Since they do not have to compete in any way, workers genuinely consult each other and happily share insights on ways to improve their facility and process. It naturally made me think about what makes this possible and how this positive environment can be replicated in the U.S. 

We were also given a chance to see the waste bunker and incinerator. 

Doesn’t this remind you of Toy Story?

After the two-hour trip, we had a group dinner. The good thing was that it was in a boat.

Boat restaurant! It didn't move though

The bad thing was that it took three hours. THREE hours for dinner! But the long wait let us bond over our various conversations. Besides, the long wait was THE reason why we were able to catch this view of the sky.   

There were disputes about what this light is, but I am just going to let myself believe that it was the northern lights with a hint of clouds

Our attempt in capturing the "Northern Lights"

We were returning to our hotel when we saw the ice castle with slides. Are we college students if we don’t go sledding at night?  

As educated students, we made a single file line to take turns going down the slides 

The vicinity was full of our laughter and I absolutely loved it. I made another core memory that day :) 

2/9 Fri: - Horse Carriage for Northern Lights 

I started the day with a breakfast buffet provided by the hotel. Due to the last-minute cancellation of the academic visit at city hall, we finished our breakfast leisurely and had about two hours to wander around the neighborhood. The frozen lake was our destination. 

The combination of warm sunlight and flakey snow brought me so much joy. At that moment, I understood why people need to live next to nature. I never knew all I wanted was just to lie down, buried in snow, feeling the warmth of the sunlight. 

Couldn’t be happier

This was a church next to the lake

Group lunch and the last academic visit at the Vakin Waste Water Treatment plant were next up. 

I was holding on to my phone for my dear life because all the floors and stairs had holes in them - I also held on to the rails for my dear life

However, the real fun was waiting for us in the evening. 

Finally, it was time for the Northern Lights hunt on a horse carriage. I bundled up, layer after layer, to prepare for the freezing weather in the forest (my two thermal socks were not enough to prevent my toes from freezing). 

Photo credit to Tia <3  My phone was not good enough to capture the faint light in the pitch-black darkness ;-;

It was still an extraordinary experience even though we didn’t see the northern lights. Fika around the fireplace in the middle of the woods was such a special moment. 

The guide couple's dog made it 1000000 times better. She was SO pretty &lt;3

Afterward, we grabbed a full meal at MAX for dinner. Then we all met in one of our hotel rooms and played games before going out to a pub close by. The nightlife gave us the full experience at Umeå. 

2/10 Sat: Polar Plunging and Sauna

The last day of the Umeå trip began with a polar plunge and a sauna. The plunge itself wasn’t bad at all; the worst part of the event was walking on ice bare feet. 

Cold, cold ice (literally) water

The wooden sauna took two hours to reach 40 degrees Celsius, which was just enough to thaw our numb tuckles (credit to you know who). 

After the plunge and sauna, I oddly felt warmth inside my body. Before trying it out myself, I doubted the locals when they said the plunge is good for your body and makes you warm all day. In a sense, it was a true cultural experience because I suddenly understood Swedish culture. Freedom to roam, the concept of Lagom (not too much, not too little: just the right amount), and people being reserved for the most part began to make more sense in my mind. 

The sun came out as we walked back to the bus destined for our hotel

The short but memorable trip to Umeå ended with a 6-hour train ride back to Stockholm. Even the train ride back felt shorter than what it was. I think it was because I wanted it to last longer. 

The train ride back with a beautiful sunset ended the trip on a perfect note. 

2/11 Sun: Cafe Hops  

As much as I wish this semester was just a casual life abroad, it is called study abroad for a reason. It was time to do my work!

Like a typical college student, I started my work on Sunday. But I’m a student studying abroad, so I met up with my friends to eat brunch and do homework together at cute cafes. 

This blog is the last task for me today. It marks the end of my long week. I hope you had a great week as I did! 

I’ll see you again next week with new events :) 

Hey då, 

Jiwoo Kim 

Chemical Engineering

DIS Study Abroad in Stockholm, Sweden

[livseses]

Fuck, shit, as well as damn it ("blast it all to the lower depths" as Ny would say). Idk if we posted this nonsense already. But fuck it. Gonna post it anyways.

Lol

Lmao

Fucking ha even

So we got

DID

(Pt: So we got DID)

We found out from our therapist the other day that she had updated our diagnosis. She went on leave for a few months, and we had a wonderful substitute therapist who had experience treating DID. After she had gotten back she consulted with said substitute and they both agreed that our symptoms matched up more with DID than OSDD-1.

We were fine with this, and she explicitly said that it was due to the memory issues. When we walked through the DES and diagnostic criteria, we didn't think our memory was "beyond normal forgetting". 8-9 months later, and a fresh set of eyes on us, and she got enough of a picture to check that box.

The only real complaint is that we don't know when we would have found this out, because it had come up from an unrelated conversation. But we've come to trust her well enough to believe that it was a simple mistake and not something more abusive of her authority.

But it's left us in a funny place. We've always thought our memory was shit, but not that shit. ADHD working memory out the door, and SDAM tossing the video feeds into the garbage. Nothing dissociative for the most part. Just weird brain quirks with memory.

But after getting hit with this, it's been, like I said, kinda funny feeling. Hell, read the first paragraph. We had agreed yesterday to pick my girlfriend up from work today, and didn't remember that until after the missed calls. That kinda shook us.

We've had missing days a plenty. Times where we were jazzed by the realization that Friday was one (1) day closer than we thought. Times where we were the opposite of jazzed because we missed a class (or a fucking final exam) because we thought we had another day left in the week.

We don't remember more than a handful of experiences from before college, and they dwindle the further back we go. But we know the facts. This kid with our deadname did/said/experienced X, Y, or Z. That kind of stuff. That's always been our memory. That's always been "normal forgetting".

Appointments, obligations, scheduled tasks. They all get missed until we can't do anything about them. We rely on routine. Therapy a 4 pm on Tuesdays. Oh it's at 3? Or on Monday? Guess we're not going. Need to call the doctor during business hours. But it's the weekend so we can't. Oh now it's the evening so we can't. Whoopsie, it's Saturday again and we need to call the doctor during business hours. Oh and file those papers before the kidos arrive at preschool. Gotta remember to file those papers. But it's time to prep for class and all the prep is done so we're incredibly bored and twiddling our thumbs. Kiddos are here but FUCK forgot to file the papers. Maybe after class? Oh yeah, all the tables are clean and nothing else to do but head home so that we can scream and panic because we need to file those papers in the morning before the kiddos get to class.

I don't recall telling this story before. Wait no, the bored look in your eyes reminds me that I saw that look last time I told you this story again.

It's strange and surreal right now to hammer home that yeah, this isn't "normal forgetting". Fuck I remember thinking that maybe the ADHD memory poo would count enough for criterion B. How much does our memory suck and we've just compensated hard? How much do we forget that we forget?

There's something important I need to stress btw. All of this ramble, all of these memory issues, all of this forgetting and amnesia? All of it is irrespective of switches and headmates (save maybe the lost days). DID and plural memory issues almost always treat forgetting as something done between members. It's so frequently held that the memory is held by someone else.

While that's true in many cases, it's absolutely not universal. Our Dx comes from our recurrent gaps in our recall that's not consistent with ordinary forgetting. Not an inability to recall the memories of other headmates. Hell our most recent experience with that was when Ny agreed to pick up my gf, and she forgot; we all forgot.

Maybe that's a nitpick. Maybe I'm being particular. Maybe I'm annoyed. I don't know that our treatment would be any different if we kept OSDD-1 under the notion that DID required intra-idenity amnesia.

But yeah memory is fuck. Ramble is done. I hope this isn't something we posted yesterday or something. But if it is, that's pretty fucking funny to us.

-Faye

[rachel-morrigan]

Your page makes me wanna return to the brony fandom holy cow I dropped off after the beginning of season 6 or smth...

Ehe i love making people go back to mlp in some way,if you decide to catch up w it tho allow me to give a fair warning

Everything happens in terms of enviroment changes but little happens in terms of character development after season 5-6, which isn't a terrible thing cause clearly they knew all the mane six were essentially fully developed (twilight being the exception as she has main character privilege ).

So they brought in more characters and a new secondary cast as well, which a lot of people were upset about cause it felt like an unneccessary addition as some would simply declare "they could have just ended it instead" which granted is fair but i think it's just as unfair to condemn the new lil characters they introduced because they took to some extent the mane six screen time.

If you want to get back into it, do so with an open mind, the story progresses and new peeps gets introduced but it's not necessarily a bad thing (unlike what many wants you to believe), there are still some great episodes and some others that don't need to be overread in their concepts and executions.

Also cause the show main target was never that old of an audience, it just gradually adapted to that audience as time went on, but the main idea behind mlp is friendship and basic easy to understand morals, which is something people tend to forget and criticize like it should be peak cinema ahah.

I like mlp cause growing up it substituted for figures and parentings i was lacking, and to me its simplicity in execution for non plot driven eps is more than enough and shouldnt be too complicated than that, it worked just fine for when i was a kid and it felt comforting once i grew older, and it also shaped many passions of mine such as reading, my interest in history and so on.

Its not excluded from criticism of course, she's all yak is definitely..an episode to say the least! It exists!

But to quote DWK

"Do you like saturday morning cartoons?"

"Of course"

"Hypothetically, imagine if you were just sitting there watching your cartoons and a bunch of wannabe professional movie critics showed up and started deconstructing that saturday morning cartoon using the same standards you'd normally apply to art house cinema, what would your reaction be?"

"Those people were missing the point of the show"

With this i mean that for example, just because a dress and a pair of work pants are both pieces of clothing, it doesn't mean they can be judged by the same criteria because they're meant to be worn for different purposes.

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Teacher!Dan Masterlist

3 Million (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: Dan is a teacher at a high school and Phil calls him halfway through a lesson to tell him he has 3 million subscribers.

Absolutely Smitten (ao3) - manchestereyes

Summary: Teacher AU wherein Dan is a much-adored primary school music teacher, and Phil is just the science teacher who can't keep his mind off of him. But when the students notice and try to get in on the action, will Phil finally work up the courage to ask Dan out?

A Little Bit Of Magic - dxnhowell

Summary: Dan is the new potions teacher at Hogwarts and is muggleborn, this is his first year teaching and whilst he’s excited, he has to get used to being in the castle with absolutely no muggle technology. Phil is the herbology teacher and is clumsy and likes puns and likes to help Hagrid with his magical creatures. Dan and Phil eventually meet and become rather close, some of the students realize this and try to get them together before the end up of the year.

A Long Time Coming - dxnhowell

Summary: College AU where teacher!Dan brings his youtuber boyfriend to meet his students for the first time, and Phil’s nervous, to say the least.

A Thorough Lesson On The Male Body (ao3) - americanphancakes

Summary: Dan Howell – Phil’s substitute sex ed teacher – is very good looking and, luckily for Phil, very into hands-on teaching methods.

Bad Day (ao3) - chatoyment

Summary: Nothing seems to be going right with everything that Dan does on that certain Saturday. It only got worse when Phil and him have a big argument for the first time in their new relationship.

Dan and Phil and Ollie (ao3) - chatoyment

Summary: Phil has a crush on his son's pre-school teacher, Dan.

Phil woos him.

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas (ao3) - citizen101erased

Summary: Dan has just started as a new teacher at a secondary school in Manchester, and immediately gets put in charge of the annual Christmas celebration. But between constant budget cuts, the two main roles coming down with laryngitis, and the original teacher possibly coming back earlier than expected, it will take all of Dan’s creativity - and that of the cute English teacher, Mr. Lester - to keep the show going, whatever it takes.

meet you there (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: Dan's a new teacher and Phil's become his designated tour guide around the school.

One Day - dxnhowell

Summary: pastel!dan is a kindergarten teacher and is married to punk!youtuber!phil, who he hates and doesn’t get along with at all. They’re parents forced them to marry each other. Dan is unhappy but things finally take a turn.

Play Me A Song, Write Me A Story (ao3) - phanimist

Summary: Dan is an English teacher who loves words but doesn’t quite love his job, and Phil is the new band conductor/music teacher with bright blue eyes that Dan loves to describe.Their friendship blossoms instantly, despite both of them wanting more right from the start.

Or, alternate summary: A shit ton of fluff with teacher x teacher action that isn't smut i'm sorry

Pretty Odd - phillestatos

summary: Dan Howell, piano teacher and speedster, craves chocolate cakes at three in the morning. He meets a baker named Phil who owns the only store opened at three in the morning and who bakes the most delicious chocolate cake in the world. It’s a pretty odd love story.

scratch bark bite (oh, love me, i lied) (ao3) - Tarredion

Summary: Music & Drama teacher Dan Howell has a well-known rivalry with his coworker, English teacher Phil Lester.

An unforeseen event flips everything Dan thought he knew about Phil and himself on its head. Slowly but surely, the grudge withers, and the two of them cross the line between enemy and friend. But what will happen when their true intents and feelings get revealed? And was what they had ever really a rivalry? Was it even mutual?

So Many Stars - transdimensional_void

Summary: After graduating with his law degree, Dan decides to move to Japan to teach English for a year.

theia mania (ao3) - hamartiawrites

Summary: Valentines' Day is coming up, and there are two teachers that the school wants to see together more than anything.

The Art Of Teaching (ao3) - pasteldanhowells

Summary: Dan used to be into art when he was in high school but stopped once he grew up but started again and now has a website where he sells his art for money. Phil is a principal at a high school, and nobody is aware that he has a husband, someone he’s been with since he was a teenager. Something happens to the art teacher so Phil offers Dan the job, and Dan takes it. Phil finally introduces Dan to the rest of the school as his husband.

The Music In Me (ao3) - DiamondValley

Summary: Phil takes on Martyn’s bet that he can’t learn to play the piano and gets lessons to prove him wrong. He expects a few things:

- He’ll be terrible

- He’ll get bored very quickly because he is terrible

- Martyn will win the bet, but he’ll have tried something new and completed his new year’s resolution

What he doesn’t expect is the instant connection he forms with his curly-haired piano teacher.

You And Me Have Got A Whole Lot Of History - dxnhowell

Summary: Dan and Phil are both teachers at a school and everybody knows that they hate each other but they don’t know why, the students take it upon themselves to finally get Mr. Howell and Mr. Lester to stop fighting.

you just accidentally fell asleep on my shoulder, but i don’t mind (ao3) - what_the_gosh_dang

Summary: Dan takes the underground at a very bad time of night while slightly intoxicated

[missfangirll]

You lost your dad's body after he died??

I love that story 😅 And in my defense, not I lost him, he... was lost 🤣

I should begin with the fact that my dad was a trickster. He loved to prank people. Nothing mean, just borderline mischievous (he one day swapped my grandma's answering machine text with "I am on the toilet taking a dump and can't answer the phone", it took her weeks to realise why people were howling with laughter on her answering machine). Just to preface this whole thing..

So. when he got really sick and it was obvious he wouldn't make it much longer, we were there with him and it was really nice, he died after we left. so, at night, we got a call from the retirement home he was in that he died, and that we could visit him the next morning (Sunday) to say goodbye.

so far, so good. next morning we arrived at the retirement home, my mum, me, my dad's sister and her husband and my dad's brother with his wife. my aunts were both very devastated, naturally, but I wasn't that sad tbh, I had watched him slowly die for a decade, I was just glad it was finally over.. so we marched into the home to find the head nurse, and there the issues began

first she didn't want to say anything and was very jumpy.. "no, you can't see him right now." I was like, but you called?? last night?? and said we could??? and she was, umm, well... and then she admitted, he is not here.

"What do you mean, He Is Not Here? He can't have walked away??? (I think I asked that and at least one of my aunts broke down crying when I did ^^')

Well, after much hesitation we finally learned what had happened..

When someone dies in a retirement home you have to get the doctor on duty to confirm the death and write a death certificate. but the usual doc was not there and the substitute didn't know my dad's condition, didn't know he had an illness, he just saw "55 year old man, died after being in hospital" and checked Unnatural Cause of Death.

Which meant that, on a Saturday night, at 3am, the police came to the tiny home, declared his room a crime scene, put a note on his toe and carted him off somewhere

to where nobody knew..

which is how I spent the whole Sunday calling different police stations to find my dad. it was a weekend, which meant that only very few people were working, shifts had just ended, no one answered a phone and it was in general a nuisance

Well. I found him after a few hours, or I found a police officer who was there and said they couldn't do anything (since it was an Unnatural Death) and I had to involve The Law.. which I did. called the prosecutor and explained the issue, he said, that's ok, he will talk to the judge to speed up the process. I asked how long it would take.. ... ... ... ...

"Not more than three months."

in the end it took two days, and we were told his body actually never left town, he was brought to the nearest funeral home and left there....

so, that's the story how we lost my dad's corpse 🤣 and I am 100% sure that he somehow orchestrated this shit from Beyond 😁😁