#stupidest deus ex machina

[fidget-scribbles]

All this and "got his chi unblocked by a pointy rock"

Let's Talk About How Book 3 Ruined Aang

If you've seen any of my prior ATLA posts, you know that I don't hate Aang. In fact, I quite liked him in Books 1 and 2. He was flawed, as all characters should be, but the show didn't shy away from those flaws or justify them. He was called out for burning Katara and rushing his firebending, Sokka and Katara were rightfully upset when he hid Hakoda's letter, he willingly owns up to the fact that his actions helped drive Toph away, and his entire arc after losing Appa and finding hope again in The Serpent's Path was beautifully done.

(Hell, even in The Great Divide Katara says what Aang did was wrong and he agrees. It's played for comedy, but the show still makes the effort to point out that what he did wasn't the right thing to do. You're just meant to understand that he was fed up and acted off of that)

Those flaws and mistakes were addressed and improved upon and helped Aang to grow as a character.

But for some reason, that aspect of Aang's character was completely flipped in Book 3.

The best examples of this are in both TDBS and EIP. Both the show and the fandom are too quick to brush off that Aang kissed Katara twice without her consent, one of which after she explicitly said she was confused about her feelings.

(And yes, she is angry in response and Aang calls himself an idiot. But after this, it isn't really addressed. They go on like nothing happened for the rest of the episode. Aang's lamentation comes from screwing things up with her romantically, not that he violated boundaries)

The show never really addressed why what he did was wrong. Not only because he wasn't given consent, but also because both times he isn't thinking about what Katara wants. In both instances, Aang is only thinking about himself and his feelings. This is something that persists through a lot of the third book. And by Sozin's Comet it ultimately ruins any character development he had built up in the second book.

One thing I feel was completely disregarded was the concept of having to let go of Katara in order to master the Avatar State.

For me, the implication wasn't that he had to give up love or happiness necessarily. He was emotionally attached to and reliant on Katara, to the point where she was needed to stop him from hurting everyone around him and himself. This is obviously detrimental to his functionality as the Avatar. And the point of him "letting her go" wasn't that he had to stop caring about her, it was that his emotional dependency on her was stopping him from being the Avatar he needed to be and that was what needed to be fixed. I don't even think it's about the Avatar State itself, it's about being able to keep your emotions and duty as the Avatar separate.

(If you look at Roku, he loved and had a wife. It wasn't his attachment to her that messed everything up, it was his attachment to Sozin. He wasn't able to let Sozin go and not only did he lose his life for it, the world suffered for it. It's the unhealthy attachments that seem to be detrimental, not love itself)

And Aang realizes that in the catacombs, which is how he's able to easily enter the Avatar State and seemingly control it. He let Katara go.

So then why does it seem like his attachment to Katara is not only stronger, but worse in mannerism? He liked Katara in Books 1 and 2- obviously- but he was never overly jealous of Jet or Haru. He only makes one harmless comment in Book 2 when Sokka suggests Katara kiss Jet.

But suddenly he's insanely jealous of Zuko (to the point of getting frustrated with Katara over it), off the basis of the actions of actors in a clearly misrepresentative play. Katara showed a lot more interest in Jet and Aang was completely fine with it.

(Speaking of EIP, Aang's reaction to being played by a woman was interesting. He wore a flower crown in The Cave of Two Lovers. He wove Katara a flower necklace. He wore Kyoshi's clothes and makeup and made a funny girl voice. And for some reason he's genuinely upset about being played by a woman? Aang in Books 1 and 2 would have laughed and enjoyed the show like Toph did)

I guess my point is, why did that change? Why was Aang letting go of Katara suddenly irrelevant to the Avatar State? It felt like him letting go was supposed to be a major part of his development. Why did that stop?

Myself and many others have talked about The Southern Raiders. The jist of my thought process about it is his assumption that he knew what was best for Katara. And the episode doesn't really call out why he was wrong. Maybe sparing Yon Rha was better for Katara, maybe it wasn't (the only one who's allowed to make that choice is her). Pushing forgiveness? That was wrong. But the episode has Zuko say that Aang was right when the course of action Katara took wasn't what Aang suggested.

Katara's lesson here was that killing him wouldn't bring back her mother or mend the pain she was going through and that Yon Rha wasn't worth the effort. That's what she realizes. Not that she needed to embrace forgiveness. How could she ever forgive that? The episode saying Aang was right wasn't true. Yes she forgives Zuko, but that wasn't what Aang was talking about. He was specifically talking about Yon Rha.

And that was wrong. Aang can choose the path of forgiveness, that's fine. That's his choice. But dismissing Katara's trauma in favor of his morals and upbringing wasn't okay.

I know it sounds like this is just bashing Kataang. But it's not simply because I don't like Kataang, in my opinion it brings down Aang's character too, not just Katara's. But let's steer away from Kataang and Katara for a minute.

The one thing that solidifies Aang's character being ruined in Book 3 for me is the fact that he- at the end of the story- does the same thing he did in the beginning.

He runs away when things get hard.

Aang couldn't make the choice between his duty and his morals. So he ran. Maybe it wasn't intentional, but subconsciously he wanted an out. And this is really disappointing when one of the things he was firm about in Book 2 was not running anymore. His character went backwards here and that's not even getting into the real issue in Sozin's Comet.

There's been contention about the Lion Turtle intervention. For many- including myself- it's very deus ex machina to save Aang from having to make a hard decision. And that in turn doesn't reflect kindly on his character.

Everyone- Sokka, Zuko, Roku, Kyoshi, Kuruk, and Yangchen (who was another Airbender and was raised with the same beliefs he was and would understand which was the whole point of him talking to her)- told him he had to kill Ozai. They all told him it was the only way. And he refused to listen to any of them, rotating through his past lives until he was given the answer he wanted.

And before anyone says that I'm bashing Aang for following his culture, I'm not. Ending the war peacefully, in my opinion, wasn't the problem. In a way, I think it allowed the world to heal properly. However, that doesn't make up for the fact that Aang refused to make a choice and face the consequences of that choice. Instead, he's given an out at the very last second.

Even if he couldn't kill Ozai and someone else had to deliver the final blow, that would have been better than the Lion Turtle showing up and giving him a power no one's ever had before. It would have been a good compromise, he doesn't have to have blood directly on his hands but what needs to be done needs to still get done. It would also show that being the Avatar isn't a burden he has to bear alone. That when things get hard, he can't run away but he can rely on the people closest to him to help him through hard decisions.

All these issues aren't necessarily a problem with Aang. Aang prior to Book 3 didn't have most of these problems. This is a problem with the way he was handled

[its-tea-time-darling]

the STUPIDEST thing thomas does in the books is NO DOUBT that he DECLINES brenda's offer to explain everything that's going on at WICKED as far as she knows. like it's SO DUMB I CAN'T EVEN?????

IF HE'D HAVE SAID YES SHE'D HAVE TOLD HIM EVERYTHING, HOW PAIGE WAS KIDNAPPING IMMUNES TO LET THEM GO TO SAFE HAVEN???????? HE'D HAVE FUCKING *KNOWN* A DEUS EX MACHINA SAVE WOULD SAVE HIM IN THE VERY END - AS FAR AS PAIGE STILL WAS SOMEWHERE IN THE COMPLEX????

like i just. fucking. can't.

ALSO, if we're on this already, brenda was SOOOO stupid not to ignore thomas' wishes on that one. him not wanting to know more is all well and good but in this case it was JUST PLAIN THE WRONG DECISION.

[plantdad-dante]

Book #71 - Witches Abroad by Terry Pratchett

(first time read; usually fairy tale parodies/satires make me feel like someone is kicking down my inner child's sand castles, but Discworld do be Discworld, so I don't know why I was worried) Like............ objectively. Morally. From an ethical point of view... Greebo is horrible. But. But, and here me out on this. But. He's also endearing. Somehow. In the stupidest possible way. I really am a cat person, huh. I find it hilarious how the witches try to break the flow of the story and then Mrs Gogol just struts in with a literal deus ex machina and it actually seems to be working until Granny looks at the situation and is like "no, this is dumb" and goes to solve the plot herself and it is.... It's what needed to happen? In order to have a satisfying story, this book needed the confrontation between the sisters. Just solving the plot with a god wouldn't have been satisfying. So this book about breaking stories still explicitly insists on ending its story the right way. Because it is still a story, and what it is saying is: Treat your story as a story, always. (Also, solve your local vampire problems by feeding them to a cat.) I have too many feelings about the confrontation in the mirror room, and a lot of them have to do with how I am getting unreasonably attached to an old woman who is mean to people, but one thing I enjoyed a lot is how they're both asked the same question in the end and only Granny figures out the answer, and she does so without struggling at all, while Lilith is presumably trapped forever. The amazing thing is... All this is the second half. Solidly half this book is a travel log through rural Europe and every better known folktale thereof, and then the other half is fraught family relations and different angles on the same chosen identity and an absolute refusal of determinalism. And then it returns to travel and binds the two halfs together and I get shrimp emotions again. Also, last thing: Death running into the witches because he genuinly is just visiting this party, not there for a job or anything, and them always needing a second to realize it's him is my new favourite thing.

[memoria-99]

Okay, in the introduction I said that I like IkeVamp and IkePri as well but now I see I never wrote anything about those

So I found this from my phone memo and I'm posting it here, control C+V.

An extremely personal ranking based on both character and route. (IkeVamp)

1st place Shakespeare

Sad villain + who wears 'mask' to hide his inner self. The only route I was never bored with and the route that MC is best written. MC wasn't stupid here, she was determined and overall depicted okay. And above all, his narrative was convincing and the romance was smooth, and there was no "sudden bland villain" that was used so much in previous routes.

2nd place Vlad

Sad villain + innocent... freak? LI who is involved with MC in the past, plus he've been waiting for MC for a long time? I love that trope. Already a passing mark for me. And among the pureblood vampire routes, this is the only one that wasn't about "how tragic the immortal life that has to keep watching human death" which was refreshing. Sadly, MC wasn't that great.

3rd place Dazai (tie)

Eccentric but sad guy. He and MC build real nice emotional bond and his narrative was interesting yet sad. I think MC was pretty decent as well. Didn't have much expectation in this route but turned out to be surprisingly good. Made me curious about Charles too.

3rd place Arthur (tie)

Playboy. Thought he was just a girl-loving casanova, but he turned out to have a deep side. Nicely unraveled story. Both his narrative and story was interesting and well written. The chemistry between MC and him was fun. But the villain was a bit too sudden and unconvincing. Everything was fine except that.

4th place Mozart

Kuudere + tsundere. He's like a cat; chic but cute. The chemistry between MC and him was good. Historical facts and his narratives were properly mixed, and the villain was bland, but among the "bland villains", at least this one had his own proper reason. The only downside was that the MC was too dull and clueless.

5th place Isaac

Tsundere. He's really kind-hearted, but he's hit by people so hard that he puts up a wall from others. Wanted to pat him. I liked the process of MC breaking down his iron wall. Overall story was decent and villain narrative was the best(?) among the "bland villains".

6th place Leonardo

He as a character was really attractive and nice, but it's more like a story of a pureblood vampire than a story of a historical figure. The chemistry between MC and him was good. The route where the most random and ridiculous villain appeared.

7th place Napoleon

He was plain and so was MC. Nothing in particular was memorable, but the chemistry between MC and him was good. The villain was just... not understandable at all, like in many routes.

8th place Jean

Both him and MC weren't bad. But honestly, nothing was really memorable besides that I thought 'MC doesn't know how the ugly duckling story ends?'... and I think his friend aka villain was more helpful than MC for his trauma recovery.

9th place Theodorus

The story wasn't that bad. But here are the minus points: him calling MC a dog, MC who's always kinda dragged around by him, and ridiculously unconvincing villain story. So many minus points for me.

10th place Vincent

A fantastic three combo with a dull LI and a dull MC and a boring story that made me yawn. And romance is a bit awkward. I mean, MC and him being good friends is acceptable. But romance... well? I don't think their relationship was enough to develop into a romance. I was more interested in Shakespeare here.

11th place Sebastian

Wasn't particularly disappointed because I didn't have high expectations in the first place, and I didn't feel anything after finishing it. MC and him are best as good friends. And the story flow was very, very unnatural. Faust was a real fresh air and the Deus ex Machina here.

12th place Saint-Germain

Him being indecisive and MC being the stupidest ever, pureblood vampire trope recycled from Leo's, zero chemistry between MC and him, unnatural romance. I was really looking forward to his route, but after finishing it was dragged down to the very bottom in my heart. Vlad was way more attractive.

13th place Faust

Dropped. Is he even an LI? How can you romance someone who kidnapped, locked you up and calls you an experiment subject if it's not a Stockholm syndrome???

(Cannot rank) Charles

Curious, but never tried (kinda fed up with the game itself because of that some guy at the 13th place) Definitely will check out his route someday.

This seems to be the end. Quite needlessly long, so if someone is still reading, I really appreciate it.

[blue-happy-octopus]

It now bothers the shit out of me every time I see a cop show and the cops have to break a couple rules, but are ultimately vindicated because it turned out they were right because:

1) In real life they are not mostly not right

2) The rules were there for a reason

But genuinely. Like, you wanna make diving 40 stories into water your deus ex machina? Sure. Whatever. Or make computer hacking just involve finding a keyboard, plugging it in, and typing really fast? Go nuts. But belief that torture, forging evidence, or generally going above the law is okay if you are sure you are gonna get the bad guy is like, genuinely a systemic problem we are facing. And it results in a lot of innocent people going to jail and an unreasonable amount of power being given to the police.

Imagine if a a recurring trope in movies was like "this dad tries really hard to provide for his family, but nothing is working. So he decides to go to the casino. He has to break social conventions to gamble his sons college fund, but he is on a hot streak, so he knows he has to do it. And then, after betting it all, he totally wins and is a hero :)"

Like, what the fuck? But when cops in cop shows break all the rules and just threaten to kill someone unless they confess because they are so sure, they are fucking always right. It is the stupidest goddamn thing in the whole world and it actively harms our perception of justice.

rant over

Things that work in fiction but not real life

torture getting reliable information out of people

knocking someone out to harmlessly incapacitate them for like an hour

jumping into water from staggering heights and surviving the fall completely intact

calling the police to deescalate a situation

rafting your way off a desert island

correctly profiling total strangers based on vibes

effectively operating every computer by typing and nothing else

ripping an IV out of your arm without consequences

heterosexual cowboy

[artekai]

Dojima and Maruki are happily married in P5 arena and there’s nothing you can do about it

[beevean]

"Sawnik has no lore and plot!" *uses and clearly follow up on lore and plotlines from games and adaptions post SA1*

I guess Unleashed, the game that introduced Chip whom you used as a deus ex machina, has no plot whatsoever :^)

People will just say the stupidest things in their quest to shit on Sonic or the parts of Sonic they don't like

[tros-for-dinner]

After a year plus of thinking about it, I’ve decided on the one change that would have made TROS an enjoyable movie for me. In a sentence or less: the Rebellion should have freed the stormtroopers from the First Order.

longer version under the cut

This has been a thought experiment for me since I saw the movie for the first time in theaters. I honestly thought there were good ideas in TROS (specks of gold amongst the garbage, if you will) that were either totally ignored or bulldozed over, and me thinking about those good, moving, exciting ideas got me to start thinking: by expanding on those ideas, could I make TROS better? Could TROS be recut into a better movie? And that train of thought led me to the question: what makes TROS a bad movie? Which went on to become: what are the smallest changes I could make to fix this movie?

At first I thought the problem with the movie was cosmetic: the space horses, the scenes lit so poorly I couldn’t see anything, the decision to bring back Ren’s mask. “Somehow, Palpatine has returned.” Et cetera. 

As I rewatched the movie at home, I realized that cutting out all the stupidest parts of the plot was like taking a leaf blower to a house of cards: all of the stupidity is interconnected and the slightest pressure fractures the structure. Worse, even if I cut all the stupid parts left the character-character dialogue, that doesn’t fix anything, either: the characters themselves act in extremely petty and hateful ways, towards each other as well as their enemies. This in of itself isn’t a problem - the problem is the characters never suffer after working to alienate their friends and allies. Lando just shows up as a deus ex machina and hooray, the Evil Is Defeated!

Which made me realize that my problem with the movie was in the attitudes of the writer and director. They wanted a David-and-Goliath space shoot-em-up and that’s what TROS is. Goliath is a faceless, overwhelming Evil that the self-righteous, harried Good must face at all cost. 

Now, star wars is considered to be kids movies, I guess, so having a Good vs Evil fight like this isn’t necessarily unwatchable or distasteful. This is very standard fare for kids classics. 

No, the problem with this particular movie being such a stark shoot-em-up is threefold:

1. Finn used to be a stormtrooper and it was only luck that got him out

2. in TROS, the FO board of directors boardroom of generals explicitly say that they kidnap children and brainwash them into being cannon fodder

3. We meet a whole community of freed ‘troopers, showing that the mind control can be broken: Finn is not an outlier 

For Finn and Poe to just wipe out stormtroopers without option of surrender after the stormtroopers have been humanized like this is the decision that makes the movie bad. That bad decision is the core of every other bad decision in the movie - all the really visible stuff is just window dressing.

[gothprentiss]

the best part of glass onion twitter is ben shapiro being really mad about all the best parts of the movie though. world’s stupidest Smart Guy being mad that a genre which works by sleight of hand got him with the ball-and-cups trick it was clearly playing. buhhhh how come i didn’t figure it out before it enacted the process of discovery and revelation that’s central to the genre

also while i’m here that’s one of my biggest beeves with that extremely famous youtube vid about why bbc sherlock sucks. a well-crafted mystery won’t give you the material you need to solve it as it goes. it will often work by deus-ex-machina style revelation. the question is whether that revelation feels worthwhile to you (and if glass onion’s doesn’t, uh. maybe lay off the mysteries. you might find the work of cinemasins more fulfilling.), its explanatory function in the work, and how well that hidden narrative maps onto what we’ve experienced thus far.

glass onion spoilers or whatever

i am begging glass onion twitter fandom to watch any of the like five hundred million adaptations of cozy mysteries available all over the internet and stop acting like rian johnson personally walked into all of their homes and smooched them sweetly on the forehead before tucking them gently into bed to dream soft and impressionistic dreams of the death of the billionaire class as an entire liberatory politics unto itself

he isn’t a hard boiled jerk because he isn’t in a hard boiled detective story. you are complimenting a norm of characterization that you don’t know how to recognize because you did immediate character association with his role in girl with the dragon tattoo and then you went into tweet mode and started generating takes.

what you may be picking up on is the movie’s fusion of the ethos and stakes of the cozy mystery (small, close setting comprising a few locations and interpersonal drama, fundamentally light-hearted and colorful, seek a return to order, detached from the institutional justice system, violence and danger are present but stylized) with the political stakes of the hardboiled detective story, wherein the system is fundamentally flawed and no more aligned with justice than crime itself, making the detective almost a vigilante figure. the difference in these genres is also that the detective is, in the cozy mystery, one of many characters, and it is their job to bring to the fore the tensions between the other characters. the hard-boiled detective is frequently themself the psychological and emotional center of the hard-boiled mystery.

however, it’s worth noting that this, too, is not unique, and that the turn of the amateur detective against an easy juridical solution to crime (as blanc does in glass onion) is fairly common in any mystery series which starts light. e.g. poirot is an obvious parallel to blanc and likely inspiration too: poirot dies because he sees no justice available for his current case except the murderer’s death, and knows there is no way to guarantee it but their mutual destruction. but beyond this there are loads of cozy mysteries which accept or enable various characters’ crimes because they are, within the narrative, viewed as essentially good and right, as helen is.

[memory-echo]

Oh, that sweet, serene smile right after an attempted murder! I knew I recognized that smile somewhere!

Okay, here is where I'm confused, there is a missing layer of snow on the rail (which makes me think that somebody else was actually there); there's only one set of tracks on the ground (which makes me think Seiichi was all alone)... and then, when he walks away, he leaves his beanie on the snow, as if he’s not even paying attention, as if he's not even awake. What the f*** is going on here?

Did Seiichi just sleepwalk his way into the viewpoint?

If he really killed his cousin, this makes it the stupidest deus ex machina ever! 

If he killed Fukiishi, I'm going to rage quit this shit!

[warriorlid14]

Ani Re-read Book 3: Part 1

Okay, so it’s been said a thousand times before, BUT. Why is Tobias’s book cover actor not blond?? It is literally mentioned within the first pages in the book. COME ON SCHOLASTICS! Also, not that there’s not an encounter in this book, but there’s an encounter in every book. So the title is very vague. 

“My name is Tobias. A freak of nature. One of a kind.” Buddy.

“One afternoon, I was riding the thermals” Everyone take a drink. (game is: drink anytime any of the kids mentions thermals)

Obviously Dealin’ Dan Hawke is a douche, but... iconic name, man.

“Sorry! I missed the first bus! I just got here!” I’m sorry, Tobias, did you just start your rescue mission without verifying if your backup had arrived yet???

“Although right at the moment she wasn’t pretty- impressive, but not pretty.” Excuse you, elephants are beautiful creatures.

Ya know, I don’t know who has the braincell in this group. Like, individually, they’re all smart and capable and hella competent. But put more than one of them together, and all of that immediately vanishes. Tobias. Rachel. My children. That was the stupidest most needlessly risky plan in this series thus far. I love you, but- (They’re clearly 14.)

“But I was glad to fight the Yeerks. Maybe I just had less to lose than the others.” Baby, no.

“We’re supposed to be rescuing the entire human race from being enslaved by the yeerks.” “I thought you didn’t want to save the world, Marco.” Buuuuuurn. Okay, but I’m glad Tobias is fighting back now. These two are clearly still not friends. But at least it’s a little more equal now.

“Marco and I will probably never be very close.” Eggs and bacon, you’re mistaken.

“I guess girls think [Marco’s] cute because he has this long brown hair and dark eyes.” Ah yes. These girls think he’s cute. Not Tobias. No siree, Tobias does not think Marco is cute. (Anyway, I ship it.)

“I saw Cassie and Jake touch their hands together in a way that could almost have been accidental,” rhkjdsfdguh MY HEART

“Hey, Rachel, you’re not just doing this to save the human race... You get off on the danger.” Huh. I hadn’t realized this was brought up this early on.

“You say you’re no leader, but I’ll go with you.” Okay, but honestly, I love missions where Tobias is like “I have a plan and it is ridiculously stupid. Who’s in?” And everyone else jumps in. Tobias doesn’t take the lead often, but when he does, it’s great. (But also, he couldn’t be the leader long-term. He doesn’t want to anyway, but he has too much on his plate to also deal with leader guilt. He does have the inspiration speech part nailed down though.)

“How many risks could we take before we lost? How long till the five of us were four? Or two? Or none?” Well-

You know, I really want to read the scene where they all chose their bird morphs. Like, I’m picturing Rachel immediately calling dibs on the bald eagle. Cassie being like “ok, fine, this is a peregrine falcon. It’s the fastest-” And Jake immediately calling dibs with a smirk to Rachel. And then Marco being like “wait, no. I want to be the falcon, too”. But Cassie is like, “no, variety. plus both the bald eagle and the peregrine falcon have their downsides” and Marco grumbling about it and acquiring the osprey in defeat.

That scene where Cassie and Rachel are setting each other up for jokes at the guys’ expense? Love them.

Also, Marco and Jake fighting over who gets to morph the alpha male? They’re tiny children and I love them. (also, they’ll grow it out of it fast.)

“She still had nightmares about the shrew experience” omg, Rachel and Tobias are already confiding in each other about their nightmares?? My babies.

“Who had bacon for breakfast?... Rachel? Bacon? I thought you said you were going vegetarian!” Lol.

“Which sounded pretty reasonable. Until you noticed that ‘Cassie’ had her head tilted back and her snout pointing at the sky and was yodeling like an idiot.” I’m telling you, all these kids are hilarious.

“I guess I thought that if I ever started to feel really sorry for myself, I might never stop.” So, up until now, Tobias had not said anything that indicated he was upset about being stuck in morph. He comforted Jake when he told him. He’s made a few jokes about it. He’s gone “oh no, it’s not that bad. I love flying.” He’s put on a strong face and dedicated himself to fighting the war. He’s bottled up all his emotions. And it’s going to be absolutely horrible when they inevitably spill over.

“I just know those two campers were out of there before they knew what hit them.” Yeah... they’re probably Controllers now.

“Not that you’d ever want to give it a hug. Taxxons are gross, disgusting creatures.” Hey!

Marco and Tobias are so smart?? They were immediately like, “huh. This ship is picking up supplies. This is a weakness that can be exploited.”

“I was human. I was a boy named Tobias... But part of me kept saying. ‘It’s a lie. It’s a lie. You are the hawk. The hawk is you. And Tobias is dead.’“ I’ll talk about this later. But for now: :(

Tobias really is the deus ex machina in the group. I can’t count the number of times the kids are in a tense situation and then Tobias comes in for the save. Especially when he’s separated from them. It’ll be like “OMG, WE’RE GOING TO DIE!!!” and then Tobias will show up and like, dive bomb the person attacking them. He’s their eyes in the sky. The team scout. The ace up their sleeve.

So this scene where the kids almost get trapped in morph is probably the most intense scene in the series thus far (at least until the second half of this book). And it’s only a few pages long. But oh man, Tobias. We have him desperately urging his friends to demorph, trying his best to help them even through his own distress. Marco is using him  as motivation to morph faster, and Tobias just has to take it because he knows it’s what Marco needs. The understandable relief from the others as they make it out, and as much as he’s glad for them, there’s the sick realization that this will never be him. He will never be human again. And the pitying glances that he gets afterwards. Which, by the way, he has been putting up with for weeks now without a word. Just... BABY. 

I’m going to stop there for now, even though this means that part 2 will be a little longer than usual. But speaking of: major trigger warning for attempted suicide for part 2.

Previous installment here.

[lesbianfreyja]

interdimensional rifts in time, the bad place, son of satan regularly brainwashing people to their deaths because they all ✨ magically believe ✨ he’ll deus ex machina this bitch but they all wanna protect him over their loved ones cuz 🙈baby plot🙈—sorry post about how stupid this is paused because i’m pretty sure sam n dean just got zapped back to the dinosaur era. this is THE stupidest thing on earth and not in a fun way

[otsukare-katsukare]

How not to feel like there are ants under your skin when you realise you’re in the presence of someone more talented than you will ever be: a beginner’s guide

I know I’m very late to the party but I just played (watched?) The Beginner’s Guide and I need to set this down.

I went into the game with no idea that it was a mockumentary, and really only twigged that Coda wasn’t real in the final act, which might make me incredibly thick or it might make Wreden a very talented storyteller, I don’t know, but either way the effect was that this story-thing got in me in a personal way that I haven’t really felt from media in a while. I felt, oh, what’s the word, seen by it, or something, I guess. 

this is long. I don’t want to waste people’s valuable scrolling time, so

Davey in the Beginner’s Guide cannot imagine living his life unmotivated by validation, which is why he doesn't understand Cody and why he makes the narrative in the first place. He sees a friend creating fantastic, inventive and - to his mind - meaningful art, none of which is shown to the public, and this drives him insane. He never says as much in the narration, and seeing as this is the guy who made the Stanley Parable I don’t know if it’s quite the emotion he’s reaching for, but at least for me, I completely associate this feeling with my intense competitiveness and insecurity about writing. Specifically how that translates into a feeling of agonising pins and needles all over me, the moment I’m confronted by something good written by someone young, especially when that person is creating for themselves only. When they say something like, I never show my writing to anyone, or, I’ve filled hundreds of notebooks with words no one will ever see, it’s like a stake being driven slowly through my chest. Something about it, though it has nothing to do with me, makes me feel like a complete fraud, like I’ve missed the boat somewhere, and that’s the whole emotion behind this game. It changes into a need to make Coda into a project, a problem for Davey to solve, so that Davey can be the one in control, so that he can have something to be proud of: I figured out my friend. I fixed my friend. And of course, that makes it so much worse. 

The way I see it, Davey has two essential beliefs, which are challenged by Coda at the end of the story, the first of which takes precedence in the narrative, but the second of which is just as important, I think. 1. Coda is broken, and it’s Davey’s job to fix him. 2. Coda’s art, despite (or probably because of) its incomprehensibility, is better than Davey’s. 

The latter of these beliefs is not stated directly in the game, but it makes sense of everything to me. These two beliefs get tangled together so that a familiar fallacy is reached, that of the suffering artist - Coda’s art is great because he is depressive, and the fact that he never shows his art to anyone is a mind-boggling tragedy. But such a beautiful tragedy. Davey can be the deus ex machina. That’s how Davey can reconcile his own inadequacy, by inserting himself into the story, because once he faces himself, once Coda cuts himself off and removes his source of Davey’s validation, he finds nothing, no creativity, nothing to give. And he now has the additional terrible guilt of taking Coda away from the world too, leaving them both in the dark. It’s like Amadeus, if Salieri only intended to help Mozart, instead of destroying him. (Salieri being another figure I’ve expressed an uncomfortable affinity for, if only for the fact that he describes the sensation of hearing Mozart for the first time, without a trace of metaphor as pure bodily pain. Looking at his hands and seeing how useless they are, how incapable, dull blocks of flesh too blunt to produce the aural poetry that comes so effortlessly from his rival. We’ve all been there, pal.)

So the Beginner’s Guide called me out for my obsessive competitive streak, but it went further than that, and called me out for the thing I’ve always kind of used as a justification for all that bitterness, for the privileged life I never earned, for my own inadequacy as a creator, which is my need to help others.

I used to do the stupidest things sometimes. I think I was eight, this one time. I don’t remember what the context was, not even the country it happened in, but I remember that when I did it, I thought - or I was told - that this was a recurring pattern of behaviour I needed to stop. And I thought, why do I always do this? The thing was this: there was some kind of party, and there was a girl, younger than me. I must have taken a liking to her. I have zero memory of what she looked like, what we talked about, and why she meant so much to me, but I do remember that at some point in the evening she lost a plush bunny. We were outside for most of the function, a large garden wreathed with shrubbery and trees. And for at least half an hour, I circled this garden, frantically searching for this god damned bunny. The sense memories stay with you the most, and more than anything visual or factual I remember being out of breath from running round the place so many times, the wet leaves crunching underfoot and in my hands as I scoured every crevice. I was certain that it was for some reason up to me to find this toy, and feeling both indignant at the world that no one else seemed to care, and perversely gleeful that I cared enough to do it. 

I never found the toy, because it turned out to be in her father’s pocket. She’d given it to him and forgotten. I was so wrapped up in my idea of this person’s problem, the idea that I could solve their problem, the idea that only I could do it, that I wasted everyone’s time, not least my own. I don’t run round gardens anymore, but I think this drive is still in me. I’ve shaped it into simply being a good friend and listener and giver of pep talks or whatever, and I have pretty much made peace with the idea that I’m doing it for the validation, but this game threw me in for a loop, getting me scared of what it all means, making me second guess my actions and my tendency to do what the narrator does, to make people projects when I cannot finish my own. To know that I fixed someone, and to feel like I can carry the mantle of the therapist friend. 

When it got to the final level and Coda’s message, I was still under the impression that the whole thing was real and seeing it knocked the wind out of me. The idea of trying something like this, realising how utterly and devastatingly wrong you got it, and having to live with a broken friendship as a result, though it’s something I haven’t specifically had to go through, felt so viscerally plausible and close to home. All this selfishness bites you in the rear some day. And for it not only to be the consequence of selfishness, but the consequence of selfishness believed to be selflessness, that’s even more terrifying. Because lord knows I second guess myself enough as it is, whatever I’m doing. 

We all do, right? This story is going to be really good. Oh, wait, what if it’s terrible. I just had a good and productive conversation with someone I care about. Except, hang on, what if what I said was actually extremely insensitive and they’re just trying to forget it now? I’m sure Catbells isn’t anywhere near Coniston, but that person just said it was, and actually, you know what, they’re probably right. That vertigo, that swooping stomach-turned over sensation when you can just feel the foundations of something you believed in shudder beneath your feet, I’m sick of it. I’d like to be certain of what I’m doing for once. If I had any certainty at all, I could get on with my work. I could write and write until I was finally good enough to feel happy with myself, instead of sitting in fear of my documents. I would probably do a better job of being the therapist friend too, not having this overhanging fear that I’m somehow doing the wrong thing.

I don’t even know what I wrote this for, to be honest. Most of it doesn’t make sense, and I was hoping it would add up to something, that these disjointed thoughts would come together. As I have so often done, I leapt in with great vague ideas, and have ground to a halt as the picture became clearer. And if I were forced to admit the true reason for writing it, it would be that I thought it made for a good written piece, something that someone could read and think “wow. this person just wrote something good.” because god forbid, right? god forbid I ever do anything in life and have it not be for the validation

[angrypedestrian]

THE TIME IDIOTS EPISODE 412 TITLED “Dan Didio’s Doomsday Clock” MY THOUGHTS:

I am EXHAUSTED and I have seen some GAY ASS gifsets

lets do this babyyyyyy

Once again, there is no way Ava lives in DC proper

she’s def in the burbs

prob Arlington if we’re being real

and i am

“ding dongs to doughnuts” def the turn of phrase to be used in this situation john

ray is very sweet, BUT ALSO can this show stop casually referencing a character’s alcoholism and then doing nothing about it?

it’s just cheap and i don’t like it!

either make them an actual alcoholic or just drop it cause i am tired

sara: there is literally...no on else who remotely can watch the ship. so, zari, i guess?

zari, not looking up from her phone: hmmm? you say something

sara:...fantastic

love a good sara and john team up!!!

nora is an excellent addition!!!!

john shut the fuck up you are not helping

HEY REMEMBER THAT HANK WAS GOING TO BUILD A THEME PARK FOR HIS ADULT SON

REMEMBER????

i love u gary u sweet precious moron

“MY DAD MADE A DEAL WITH A DEMON TO OPEN A THEME PARK”

YUP HE SURE DID NATE

but thank you for this very valid reaction 

oh my god this guy on the phone 

MIKEY T

THERE IS NOTHING THEY CAN’T HANDLE

that’s godDAMN RIGHT

my BOYS

my irl dragon bros!!!

Zach vs. Legends understanding of christian theology part 34899

hmmmm wonder how they handle purgatory

....not like that

and i know pretty much nothing about it, but even i know that is...wrong

Hahaha remember when the blood of christ was a major plot point?

yeah

ikea isn’t purgatory

it is hell and we all fuckin know THAT

ava’s assumption that she is dead is INCREDIBLY valid

oh mona NO, please do not bring your rpf to one of the people in the ship

BAD

Dan Didio has a doomsday clock in his office except it says “zari tomaz being canonically queer” and it is at 11:59

allegedly

Dan Didio’s sniper, trained on phil: sir, can i take the shot?

dan didio, through gritted teeth: technically......no

FUCK charlie and zari’s LOOKS at each other

the Neal Mcdonough Memorial Can Get It Award this week goes to that half second look between zari and charlie

fuCK

AND ALSO when the fuck did they have time to watch queer eye

zari calling them dummies i love her

john: why did we call them here again

nora: i...literally cannot remember

nora: this was a terrible idea

oh my god this dude is just doing a mikey from kimmy schmidt impression

i bet this guy can be canonically gay

Mikey T confirmed gay you’re welcome everyone

HOW IS THIS THE HINGE OF 4B

this is so FUCKING stupid

this is the stupidest thing i have ever seen in my entire life

dear LORD

i am zari’s desire for nothing but death

“you don’t even date humans” excuse me zari mick has SEVERAL human husbands

but i do enjoy that she just totally supports their furry selves

zari says furry rights

ava and gary need to go to couple’s therapy i think

legends: we just love a wacky christian theology subplot!

phil: okay, we can’t make zari or nate or ray canonically queer, what can we do this ep to really beef up the LGBTQ rep

phil: GOT IT we’ll have two women put together ikea furniture

where is phil’s glaad award??

des it’s 2019 now

and dc is too easy a target you’re not that special my dude

little on the nose with the handling our demons bit don’t we think?

nora and john arguing with each other is delicious 

i mean, there very easily could be a beebo hanging around to fix this it does seem to be the writers go to deus ex machina at this point SO

it’s not, like, an unsafe assumption john

awwww they’re having real relationship discussions this is legit very sweet

(side note i love putting ikea furniture together hire me for all your furniture needs)

sara has only seen the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe movie

again, books are for nerds

she was real into tilda swinton in it tho

and no she has NOT unpacked that thank you very much

WHERE’s THE ESCAPE ROOM EPISODE

the people DEMAND IT

$250 for a mattress SARA do you want to sleep on a ROCK

ALSO you should be REGULARLY flipping your mattress twice a year anyways!!!!

I do like that they just got older actresses instead of old age makeup thank god

pffftttt as if ava would ever make sara give up her legends polycule

ava doesn’t really participate but she’s cool with sara doing it

it’s been a real rough week for nate

but also nathaniel you are a dumbass

HE WAS BUILDING A THEME PARK JUST LIKE YOU WANTED

HOW IS THIS A REAL LINE OF DIALOGUE

THEME PARK FOR ADULT SON

ACTUALLY SCRATCH THAT dan didio’s doomsday clock says “legends making any dc character canonically queer”

that FOREHEAD TOUCH

my gay little heart

oh shit loading a dishwasher is the ultimate test of a relationship

hint: i am the only one who ever does it right

mona is ultimate gen z

too powerful

damn girl, zari you are desperate if you will let mick help without much hesitation

you’ve read his stuff, he’s good, but not good sext good

it’s a different skill set!

sara not having an address to get mail at does not seem like a problem

this argument is so GOOD and perfect

recycling until we die tho is...an oddly specific fear

fuck courtney is so good

this show is resting on her goddamn shoulders 

gary please do not say that

Tabitha is one of the less menacing names

it’s like saying, oh shit here comes Steve! ahhhhhhhh!

wow ray drinking? that’s love bitch

that spit take is fuckin gold

fuck that made me so happy

kudos to the intern that had to photoshop all those ava boxes

that was probably not a fun day

d’aw they love each other

gary is VERY excited to join the polycule

oh shit the smoke/cloud version of neron actually looks??? good???

actual good use of cgi?? on my legends?

BETTER THAN FUCKING CREEPY HOLE FACE

sara and charlie high fiving is my lifeblood

true chaos bisexuals THRIVING

sara and ava will not have any children they will have 10 dogs and an unspecified number of cats

it will be their reward for a lifetime of raising the legends

oh hey we found money in the budget for nate’s super power

zari has been binge watching brooklyn 99 with her cool coolcoolcoolcool cool

love u

those two are such lovable doofuses i’m really happy they’re being cute together

ooohhhhhh brandon is gonna get to be evil that is exciting

NEXT WEEK: Helen makes a surprise cameo! Or I guess lets hope it’s not Clytemnestra!!!!

[zippityzap]

Sonic Underground Retrospective: Episode 18- Sonic Tonic

The opening theme is still awesome.

Interesting. This points towards Aleena being the kind of person that appreciates nature. It’s great to have some insight into her character other than being a queen and a mother.

oh god...I normally love a bad pun but that was awful even by my standards.

I'm entirely sure what 'condensing its essence' means, but to me, it sounds like you’re making perfume.

Why does it look radioactive? Shits so bright its hurting my eyes and I’m normally not sensitive to stuff like that.

That might've been a throwaway joke, but it brings up a good point.

Sure, you might now be as fast as Sonic, but you haven't had enough experience to control how fast you’re going. It’s like when a beginner plays a Sonic game for the first time, they aren’t as used to the speed as much as an experienced player, so they'll keep running into shit and dying until they get the hang of it.

I'm starting to think Dingo's disguises having his face is something they add in for the benefit the viewer because surely there is no way Sonic is this dumb.

Aww, bless him he looks so confused.

Wow, Sonic got even angrier there when Robotnik mentioned Aleena. I love that they make him really protective of family and friends in this show.

OOOOOHHHHH BUUUUUURN! Shit. That is one of the sickest put-downs I have ever witnessed in animation.

I think this is the first time since episode 1 that they reference that Sleet and Dingo are hired bounty hunters rather than just generic lackies.

Someone, SOMEONE who worked on this show, I don’t know if it was a writer or storyboarder or what, has a foot fetish. There is no other logical explanation for this.

Manic has hacking skills. Neat. But then again, I’m not too surprised, in a society as technology-centric as Robotnik’s, of course many people would lock their valuables with electronic systems.

Now hold on a wee second. First, Sonic is the leader because he has the most experience as a freedom fighter. Second, Sonic was being very reasonable, and while he can bitch about your slowness an awful lot, his instructions when Sleet and Dingo attacked earlier probably saved your asses. And honestly, Sonic is the type of person who thrives on taking risks, so when he does say something is too dangerous or risky, LISTEN.

Why the heck are you two being such spiteful wee shits this episode?

Huh. Is this the first time we’ve had a song without Sonic?

This is actually rather catchy. I just wish there were more lyrics than this 'bop' stuff because I love the sound of Manic's singing voice.

Famous last words.

I ask myself that question on a regular basis.

??? Why are you using the van, Mr ‘Fastest Thing Alive’? I’ve always gotten the impression that Sonic is faster than the van and only rides in it so that he’s not separated from Sonia and Manic.

What? WHAT? How'd that work? Seriously, how the flying fuck did that work? Why would the medallions remove the effects of the 'sonic tonic'? And how did Sonic know that would work?

'The power of music.' 'The power of MUSIC?!' Fuck off.

Well, although the ‘power of music’ (UGH) was the stupidest Deus Ex Machina I’ve seen in a while, at least they had the decency to foreshadow the tonic revitalising the gardens by telling us its effects on plants previously.

Hmm…not my favourite episode. Granted, it’s not the worse episode either, (Wedding Bell Blues and Underground Masquerade come to mind) but it fell to the trap of normally smart character suddenly acting stupid so they can be that episode’s dumbass in distress.

And I have NO IDEA what was with the foot growth thing. I swear someone on the creative team has a fetish.

[arendalphaeagle]

That's why destroying ALL magic through the ENTIRE MULTIVERSE is probably the STUPIDEST idea that the staff for Star vs the Forces of Evil could come up with. It's really confusing which is considered magic or monster or just weird, and the same applies to that whole Earth-Mewni merger that f*cks up any possibility of crossover (if the "destroy all magic" didn't already do that). Like how that merger can even happen when all magic is gone. I swear, that season finale ending is the definitive example of "Deus Ex Machina".