#stupid ugly kids whom i hate

[mambodork]

I love these so so much... they're so cute and I'm so happy you drew them 😭😭 <33 thank you again for the lovely art <33

Absolutely adore them! Just look at him and he's ugly face <3

-----> @mambodork AU <-----

[sttm99]

Till Death Do Us Part

Bakugo x reader

Part 2: Only Ever You and Me

Ps: I got bored and decided I hadn't posted in a while, so I did this.

Prince Bakugo, who was arranged to marry you, some princess from another kingdom, despite all his protests.

Not only did he NOT want to get married, but his heart already belonged to someone else; the little shy maid in the corner of the banquet Hall where the wedding reception was being held.

He'd met you for the first time a few months ago, and again, just some hours ago when the wedding was finally held, but he'd already decided on one thing he didn't like about you.

You were perfect.

And not in a good way.

You were perfect in such a way that it had him itching to see something wrong.

He sulked through the whole wedding when you finally arrived at the Palace because you were pretty. Too pretty. You were absolutely stunning, and it had irritation coursing through him.

He saw the way his maid lover looked at you; jealousy and sadness obvious as she saw the way you and him were paraded around the hall.

He hated it. He hated the stupid, royal smile that was permanently etched on your face. He hated how you seemed so prim and proper as you smiled and greeted other nobles around him, laughing when expected, showing empathy to concerns he knew you had never experienced, and that stupid soft voice of yours as you talked about how lucky you were to be married to him.

He hated as he watched you dance around with some generals in the middle of the hall, your movements graceful and perfect, precise and correct.

He had to tear his eyes away from you before the irritation consumed him. Unironically, it had him locking eyes with his lover, his own softening in turn as he stared at her, wanting nothing more than to escape to that empty hallway they always met in.

And he was about to, already standing from his seat and turning to the exit.

But you'd quickly appeared in front of him, soft, irritating smile on your face as you stared up at him so innocently.

"Where are you going, Katsuki?" You asked softly.

"The bathroom," he quickly murmured, already trying to step around you, but you followed, quickly sidestepping so you were in front of him again.

He scowled as you blocked his path, "Oi-"

"You think I don't see you look at her?" You stepped forward, and Bakugo thought he'd heard a mistake because you still had that soft look on your face, yet your voice was suddenly so cold.

"What are you talking about?" He asked, and for the first time, his voice wasn't so aggressive.

But you just grinned at him. "Your little whore, near the drapes at the left end of the hall. You think I don't notice how you stare at her?"

Your observance makes him glare. "So?" He spits out at you, quietly so no one hears. "You think I give a fuck? This wedding is a sham and-"

"And it's the joining of our people," you say softly, practically cooing at him like he's a kid. He hates it, it makes his skin crawl. "It's our duty. I'd hardly call it a sham."

"Doesn't change the fact that I already had someone. Someone whom I loved, who was mine." He growls through gritted teeth, hands clenched by his side.

"But you're not hers," you say with a grin. This one is ugly; it's mean and a borderline sneer. "You're mine, Katsuki. My king. My husband."

"You-"

"At the end of the day, it's me you'll only ever be seen with, it's me who'll be buries next to you, and when we're dead and gone, the history books will say I was your wife."

He's frozen in his place, still trying to process your declaration. You're right. You're stupidly, annoyingly right, but it pisses him off, it scares him, this boldness and this meanness, knowing that he was going to spend the rest of his life with you.

But it excited him as well, this confidence and possessiveness, knowing that he was going to spend the rest of his life with you.

"With you and her? It's fleeting, quick passion. But you and I?" You grin, "Till death do us part."

He's still frozen in place, suddenly quiet as you step forward and link your arms together. You rest your head on his arm as his mother begins to approach you two.

"Smile, husband," you whisper softly to him. "It's our wedding."

[po3tbbygirl]

BLOODSHED; A Legacy[CHAPTER 4]

CW: Gun Violence, Tense Confrontation, Abandonment Issues, Loss and Grief, Survival Stress, Emotional Trauma.

CHAPTER 4 

The trio finally made it to Tommy’s—or more like Tommy made it to them. They crossed paths with him while he was stationed at a dam near a town called Jackson, along with his wife, Maria, and some others.

While the brothers caught up with each other, Maria offered both girls something to eat. Maria noticed Bonnie hadn't touched anything on her plate. She encouraged the girl to take off her pistol holster and leave her pack with the rest of the crew’s belongings, but Bonnie insisted on keeping them.

Bonnie watched Ellie eat, content with just observing the auburn-haired girl.

“Sweetie, do you want some water, at least?” Maria asked.

“I’m fine.” The truth was she wasn’t fine. After getting used to the security and routine of traveling in a trio for God knows how long, being shoved into a warehouse with at least 15 men hanging out outside with big ugly guns made alarm bells ring in Bonnie’s brain. Not that she couldn’t get out of the situation easily and stealthily, just that Ellie couldn’t. Not that she cared. She was just cargo after all.

“Sure thing,” Maria said, standing up and leaving the warehouse to get better reception for whatever her crew was trying to tell her on the radio.

As Maria stepped outside, the calm was shattered by the sudden, jarring sounds of gunfire and shouts.

“Raiders!”

Maria burst through the doors, motioning for the girls to follow her as she went to gather their packs, handing each their own.

Bonnie’s mind raced. She knew they had to move fast. She grabbed Ellie’s hand, whispering urgently, “Stay close to me, and do exactly as I say.”

Ellie nodded, fear and determination mingling in her eyes.

Maria led them to a secluded area where Bonnie and Ellie hid. For Maria’s emotional well-being, in her opinion, they were far too young to be fighting off any intruders. They settled, waiting anxiously until Maria came back and let them know it was safe to come out.

After some time, Maria finally collected them. She seemed to be screaming to someone else, “I’m alright, the kids are with me.” She turned to them, “C’mon, let’s meet everybody.”

They came out of their hiding spot, Ellie immediately running to meet Joel.

“Joel! Oh man... They were coming in from every direction—” She spoke frenziedly, her voice filled with adrenaline and anxiety.

Joel sighed, “Ellie—”

Bonnie stepped aside, not eager to relive the whole encounter all over again.

“Maria, I can't have this hanging over my head…”

“Do you have any idea how many men we lost here today?”

It seemed like Joel did ask his favor. After leaving Bill’s town, Joel had mentioned to Bonnie how he would ask Tommy to take Ellie to the Fireflies, offering Bonnie the opportunity to either settle down after they found him or go with Tommy.

Ellie turned to Joel, “Hey, what's that all about? Does that have anything to do with me?”

Joel stilled, “We’ll talk about it later.”

Ellie became suspicious, glancing at Bonnie and Joel, both of whom were avoiding her gaze. “Did he tell you where the lav is?”

“We’ll talk about this later.”

“Later... Right.”

Bonnie started walking towards the horses, hating the tension. She reached the satchel only to remember she left her pack stashed where they hid earlier.

“Uh… hey, um… you know something I don’t?” Ellie came over to the horses, immediately questioning Bonnie.

“Lots actually. You are a lot stupider than you think you are.”

Ellie rolled her eyes, “Funny. You know what I mean.”

“No, I don’t.”

Bonnie could tell Ellie was getting angrier by the minute. “You know what I’m talking about! Joel, what is he hiding?! And don’t tell me you don’t know. If you didn’t know, you wouldn’t have run away from the conversation. You only avoid when you—”

“Shut up,” Bonnie snapped, annoyed. “I left because whatever Joel is hiding is none of my business.”

Ellie groaned. “Wait for him to actually talk to you. Don’t bother me with this again because I simply don’t care.”

“Where are you going?!”

“Getting my pack.”

“Well, I guess I’ll just have to figure it out on my own.”

“Sure. You do that.”

As Bonnie made her way back to their hiding spot, Ellie’s frustration reached its peak. She stormed off, needing to escape the secrecy. Her deep frustration drove her out of the dam, away from the group, her hurry driven by a mix of anger and confusion.

Bonnie returned with her’s and Ellie's pack, the sound of Joel’s voice cut through the air. “What’s going on?” she asked, confused at the scene before her.

Joel walked over, dragging a horse behind him. “Hop on. Ellie fled who knows where.”

“What?” Bonnie’s eyes widened as she took in Joel’s serious expression.

Tommy, atop his own horse, approached the duo. “I saw her riding on outta here,” he said, pointing to a back gate leading away from the dam. “She went through there.”

Joel and Bonnie quickly mounted their horses, urgency in their movements. The setting sun offered no comfort, making them hurry their pace as they galloped through the open fields.

After a short while, they spotted a set of abandoned houses in the distance. Its weathered exterior and broken windows suggested it had been deserted for years, making it a likely hideout for Ellie. Joel led the way, his horse trotting carefully towards the structure.

“That's one of our horses,” Tommy sighed. He hopped off his horse, helping Joel and Bonnie tie theirs up beside where Ellie had left hers. “Y’all go on, I’ll keep guard down here.”

“Ellie? Ellie?!”

“I'm up here.”

“Jesus Christ,” Joel looked to Bonnie, who shrugged, “C’mon.”

They climbed up the stairs, checking door to door looking for Ellie until they reached what looked like a teenage girl’s abandoned room. Bonnie opened the door, to see Ellie sat by a window, diary open on her lap.

“Is this really all they had to worry about? Boys. Movies. Deciding which shirt goes with which skirt? It's bizarre.”

Bonnie walked rapidly towards her, checking for injuries, “Are you suicidal?”

Joel entered the room too. “Get up, we're leaving. C'mon.”

Ellie looked behind Bonnie at Joel. “And if I say no?”

“Do you even realize what your life means? Huh? Running off like that. Putting yourself at risk...it's pretty goddamn stupid.”

Ellie stepped up, just for Bonnie to step between them again, feeling Joel riling up, “C’mon Ellie, let’s go don’t be stupid.”

“Well, I guess we're all disappointed with each other then.”

Joel sighed, clearly annoyed, “What do you want from me?”

“Admit that you wanted to get rid of me the whole time.”

Joel stepped back, not ready for Ellie to confront him so directly with the truth. Bonnie said, “Tommy knows the area better, he’s your best bet—”

“Nah, fuck that. You are just covering for him, Bonnie! He was always planning to get rid of me.”

Bonnie gave up, stepping back, and leaning against the doorframe. If they wanted to butt heads stubbornly, she wasn’t going to hold them back.

“Well, I'm sorry, I trust him better than I trust myself.”

Ellie gave a step forward, “Stop with the bullshit. What are you so afraid of? That I'm gonna end up like Sam? I can't get infected. I can take care of myself.”

“How many close calls have we had?” Joel tried to reason.

“Well, we seem to be doing alright so far.”

“And now you'll be doing even better with Tommy.”

Ellie looked to Bonnie, “Shut! Up! No, I won’t!” She looked back at Joel, gaze softening, “I'm not her, you know.”

Bonnie straightened up, “Ellie, shut up.”

Joel stood tense where he stood, “What?”

“Maria told me about Sarah. And I–” Fucking Maria, two minutes alone with Ellie and she let her in on all of Joel’s secrets.

Bonnie knew of Sarah after she overheard from Tess, back in Boston, when she was alive, in an underground bar when Bonnie was completing a job and Tess was drunk out of her mind.

“Ellie. You are treading on some mighty thin ice here.” Joel looked seconds away from snapping.

“I'm sorry about your daughter, Joel, but I have lost people too.”

“Ellie, stop,” Bonnie said in a softer voice, almost, almost, pleading-like.

“You have no idea what loss is.”

“Everyone I have cared for has either died or left me. Everyone fucking except for you and Bonnie, but clearly, I can’t count on her because she doesn’t give a fuck! So don't tell me that I would be safer with someone else—because the truth is I'd just be more scared.”

Joel took a deep breath, “You're right... You're not my daughter, and I sure as hell ain't your dad. And we are going our separate ways.”

They stared at each other for a few seconds. Bonnie turned to the noise of someone climbing up the stairs, “Are y’all done? We have company.”

➵

Knock, knock, knock!

Bonnie unwrapped the sheets from her body, slipped on a worn jacket, and opened the creaky door to her small, beat-up living place. “Yes?”

A man with a scruffy beard glanced down at her, clearly annoyed with having to face her so early in the morning. “You have a job today.”

Bonnie sighed, stepping back to let him in. “Come in.”

The man stilled, hesitating. “Right.” He stepped inside, not caring for the girl who was busy patching up a scratch on her leg. “I have a few men posted up in almost all of Robert’s usual hiding places, but there’s one I can’t reach—the one in section six. So if you please—”

“What’s in it for me?”

“Half the multiple stolen weapons I’m going to collect from him.”

“I have guns, I have ammo. I have supplies.”

The man sighed, rubbing his temples. “I have this old Firefly friend who owes me some favors…”

That seemed to catch the girl's interest. “Go on.”

“She and the rest are planning on leaving in a couple of days. Said something big is going on out west, Utah, I don’t know. I can get her to take you, make it seem like she needs you. I-I’ll even pay off your debts here so no one follows you.” He sighed again, clearly tired. “Just get me my cargo back.”

“Utah?”

“I think so, yeah.”

Bonnie sat down, the rag she was using forgotten. She looked over at her pack and bow, aching for never having to use them again.

“Listen, kid,” the man said, looking at her deep in thought. “Take the job. There’s a lot of Fireflies out there, and even if you don’t want to join them, I heard word that there have been some interceptions from unidentified groups, civilizations. You can start over.”

She looked away from the man, only to look back when he laid a hand on her shoulder. “Please, kid, consider it. If someone deserves to get out of this hellhole, it’s you.”

The weight of his words hung in the air, thick and heavy. “You've been through so much, more than anyone should have to bear. This place... it eats away at your soul, bit by bit. You’ve got a chance to escape, to find something better. Maybe out there, you can find a semblance of peace, a new beginning. Don’t let this place be the end of your story. You deserve more, Bonnie. Don’t let this hellhole define you.”

Bonnie looked at the man, a mix of gratitude and sorrow in her eyes. She nodded slowly, the resolve hardening within her. “I’ll do it.”

[lucystark12]

i very very rarely listen to running up that hill but i am right now and it's just like holy shit YOU HAD TO BE THERE (weird reflection post that i just randomly started writing and couldn't stop for some reason about my depression lol that was supposed to be cute and lovey about my love for stranger things but ended up being really somber)

i didn't immediately watch season 4 when it came out on may 27th, because friday may 27th was the day that i came back from a week long class trip to the deep depths of northern washington (hell on earth, no mans land, if you will) and since my parents were out of town for my mom's 50th birthday, i was going straight to my best friend's house to stay over for the weekend. that i did. my best friend everly, whom i was staying with, always falls asleep really early, so at some point in the early hours of may 28th, probably around 1 am, i pulled out my phone and starting watching stranger things. i had spent the entire spring rewatching after all.

i got to where chrissy got possessed and immediately had to turn it off because i was in seventh grade and the bone cracking thing scared me to death (this was before i watched GOT for the first time, my tolerance for gore was not as high as it is now)

such began the first of many times where i'd neglect watching my favorite show for no reason. i did it with house of the dragon season 2 as well. so, a few days later i left everly's house and my grandma came to stay at my house with me while my parents were finishing out the rest of their trip.

at this point, the whole internet was already talking about running up that hill. it was that sunday when i decided i had to watch the show. who the fuck was i kidding? i loved stranger things. problem was, my grandma is and will always be the worst tv hog in the history of the world, so with a shitty disaster movie playing in the background, i put in one airpod and finally started watching stranger things season four.

this was a particularly rainy spring for portland, something that literally scarred me at the time because i was nearing the end of the worst depressive episode of my entire life, and the sun not being able to peek out of the trees like it had in late may last summer and every summer before that was something so insignificant yet something that really was sending me off the edge. i didn't realize how far off the edge i already was at the time. my other best friend had just started taking medication for her depression, which manifested very differently in ways that mine didn't. she was mad. she was resentful. between the few moments that she was the same laughing, loving girl i'd always known, she hated me and our other friends and hated herself more. my cousin likewise had depression so bad he couldn't get out of bed. he hadn't been to school in three months. i wasn't like that. i thought i was happy comparatively. i was diagnosed with OCD the year before and thought that was an explanation. it took getting a new therapist and unpacking my behavior back then to understand what was really happening. i never cried. when i did, it was violent. it came in bursts that lasted all afternoon. i started and i didn't stop until i fell asleep. i threw things, i refused to talk to anybody. i was failing math, which i've never done before. i couldn't understand a thing. i didn't even care to try. i hated myself. the only thing i ate was a bowl of craisins at school every day because i couldn't physically force myself to eat. i thought i was just tired even though i got ten hours of sleep every day. i was always exhausted. my therapist couldn't diagnose me because after years of being taught i had to be perfect, i refused to tell even her that there was something wrong. i thought i was stupid, i thought i was ugly, i thought i was worthless. i thought i was just experiencing what it's like to be twelve years old.

so, another rainy and overly misty sunday afternoon passed me by as i reached the ending of the fourth episode, and finally, the fated song that i'd been hearing all over tiktok and didn't quite understand yet started playing out of max's walkman. i watched the entire scene with my grandma barking questions at me about why i was tearing up.

running up that hill was my most played song of 2022, just ahead of africa by toto.

now i'm not going to say that stranger things brought me out of said depressive episode, because it didn't. the four months ahead of me were four of the hardest of my life still to this day, just as the six before them had already been. but i've grown a lot since then, and two years later when i was in spain alone, sick and crying, experiencing a little week long bout of similar feelings to the ones i felt when i first watched season four, the show weirdly managed to find me again.

the week before i had left to study abroad in spain i had learned that i got a B+ in math instead of an A- in math because my teacher wouldn't round up my 89.9%. it might seem trivial especially because a B+ is incredible process from the algebra i had nearly failed for the second time in the row the year before, but sometimes things like that can be enough to cause somebody to fall back into old habits and feelings. estranged from everybody and everything i'd turned into coping mechanisms for hard times like these when i was literally half the world away, i didn't know what to do. so, when i was in my dorm with food poisoning from a salad i'd eaten the night before, i decided to press on the byler analysis video that had popped up in my youtube feed. such began what i've been calling my "stranger things renaissance"- a second stranger things phase that's been going on since late june.

not to sound overly bylerish, but i've been seeing a lot of parallels between this summer and the summer season four came out. for reasons out of my control, i've been forced to spend a lot of time alone. this summer when i've started feeling lonely, i've taught myself that rather than overthink, to channel it into something else like writing, or doing something that will calm me down. now when i'm home alone and haven't seen a friend in a few days, i'm not sad anymore. i think "well damn" and then i move on with my night. i'm no longer depressed. with the help of my new therapist, i've gotten really close to growing out of my OCD. i no longer have to pray every night. i don't wake up in a cold sweat if i go to bed at 10:31 instead of a "perfect number" like 10:30 or 10:35. i rarely lock my bedroom door anymore. and no, it's not perfect yet. i'm not "cured"- i still have my crying episodes. i still have moments, even though they're few and far between now, where i feel the same way i did back when i was twelve.

but i'm moving on. things have shifted in my life. i've grown up and this show has with me. i started watching it on halloween of 2019 when i was in fifth grade and my friends and i did the "goodbye mike" trend in my basement. i watched the first three episodes that night and finished it for the first time during covid. it was with me through that hard time back in the day, and for some strange (haha) reason, it's with me now, and will probably continue to be with me until the show ends, because like as typically happens when i fall back into obsession with something i liked when i was a little younger, (the mcu, harry potter which remanifested in the marauders) it becomes more than a phase, but a part of me in some weird way.

stranger things may have its flaws and it might not end the way i wanted it to, but for the rest of my life it will be special to me regardless. i'm finally for the first time in my life older than the characters. i was seven when season one came out, eight when season two, ten during season three, 12-13 and season four, and will be 16 in season five.

so thanks, stranger things, for helping me, and thanks even more for showing her that there's nothing wrong with the many different aspects of her that she'd been led to believe were wrong. as corny as it sounds, she couldn't have done it without you 🫶

(say hi to baby lucy, because it's always more fun with pictures, and because depression can happen to anybody no matter what they might look or act like on the surface)

rip 2022 lucy, you would have loved the byler sunset pictures that you somehow would have found a way to relate to reddie and your best friend that you were highkey in love with. you also would have loved mike wheeler if i could explain who he really is to you because said in an EARLY analytical essay that "All I really gained from season four though was that I absolutely hate older Mike and that I wish he would’ve died instead of Max." in the same essay you say you wish you could throw mike of a cliff. oh the irony. (please laugh)

ps: if you ever find yourself feeling anything like what i described in this post, know that it gets better even if it seems like that's what everybody says and it seems like it never will. there were times back then when i didn't even know if i'd make it to the age i am right now, and now i'm at one of the happiest points ive ever been in my life. know that even if we've never talked before, i love you and i believe in you. my blog is always a safe place if anybody out there ever needs anybody to talk to.

[mambodork]

AAHHHH THE SERIAL NAPPER AND YAPPER .... I LOVE THEM SM WHAT THE HELL ... tysm for this... i love this so so much i cant. The doodles are also super cute 😭 the piggyback ride.. and Scar's building blocks.. waow. Im so. In love with this thank you.

Babes. (From @mambodork’s au, go check them out!!)

Close ups under the cut!

I love the babies man. I am but too weak of a person to draw baby bird G to their ugliest extent. I love them so much.

[sayyourprayers]

Do you know what pedophilia is or are you just speaking hateful nonsense as usual?

Anon isn’t a “pedo” for acknowledging Finn’s attractiveness and then unpacking it with her friend. You can’t control how your brain physically processes stimuli it receives, and it doesn’t make you a bad person to have a thought that’s out of bounds.

Everyone does from time to time. Bad people ACT on out of bounds thoughts and cause real-life harm to people. You’re literally encouraging thought crimes. That’s Orwellian.

If you see a picture of someone you had a crush on as a kid, are you gonna pretend the kid is ugly? Or are you gonna recognize why you had a crush on them? Are casting directors “pedos” for casting kids that are clearly heartthrobs in context? Or do they just understand the human condition and how to tell an honest story?

“Pedophilia” is a serious accusation, and you wielding it like it’s nothing exemplifies everything wrong with the purity culture and moral high-horseism in the Byler tag.

"Do you know what pedophilia is or are you just speaking hateful nonsense as usual?"

BOTH. I hate pedos.

"Anon isn’t a “pedo” for acknowledging Finn’s attractiveness and then unpacking it with her friend. You can’t control how your brain physically processes stimuli it receives, and it doesn’t make you a bad person to have a thought that’s out of bounds."

That's literally what pedos say. Like word for word. Not about Finn. Like the rest of it.

"Everyone does from time to time. Bad people ACT on out of bounds thoughts and cause real-life harm to people. You’re literally encouraging thought crimes. That’s Orwellian."

I can assure you. Everyone does not. Also I am encouraging thought crimes? I am discouraging them. Glad you think I am all powerful. Will go on my resume. Just I'll leave out the part that it's a pedo sympathising anon that said it. There's many things your stupid brain doesn't understand. I'll make a bulleted list for you:

The anon is on anon. Why are they and/or you mad?

What punishment? Did I call the cops on them? I literally said that they're unaware they're a pedolite. That's quite courteous of me if I do say so myself.

I love how it's Orwellian to not be able to openly discuss sexualising kids. Not fictional characters. Not as part of exploring the characters' journey. Nope. Just straight up 22 year olds giggling about finding 12 year olds "hot". (I am quoting the pedo)

"If you see a picture of someone you had a crush on as a kid, are you gonna pretend the kid is ugly? Or are you gonna recognize why you had a crush on them? Are casting directors “pedos” for casting kids that are clearly heartthrobs in context? Or do they just understand the human condition and how to tell an honest story?"

Predicted this. If I see a picture of someone I had a crush on as a kid I would be recalling a memory of having had a crush on them. Instead of rationalising it as, well I liked a 12 year old when I was 12 so I can now find a DIFFERENT 12 year old (actually 2 kids of which the other looks 8) hot cuz I only have to think like a 12 year old, but no you were 22 when you thought it. The thinking like 12 year old was psycho babble bullcrap following the 22 year olds realising they're having less than kosher thoughts about literal kids.

Casting directors may find the kids cute, palatable, marketable even handsome. Please guide me to the source where Carmen Cuba called either of them "hot" and then I will at least know one pedolite by name instead of thinking of them as a goggled grey circle.

" “Pedophilia” is a serious accusation, and you wielding it like it’s nothing exemplifies everything wrong with the purity culture and moral high-horseism in the Byler tag. "

Wielding it against whom, fuckface? Idk who that is. They (and you unless y'all are the same person) had the good sense to be doubly anon while expressing your attraction to kids. (Doubly cuz even with a visible profile literally we all are just anon. So ya anyone posturing abt "get off anon and come show your face as rabidcunt1459" really doesn't count. Anything less than guv ID is anon.)

Purity culture is saying Byler shouldn't kiss cuz they're boys and you watched them grow up. It's not purity culture to be put off by Foah shippers and people wondering who finishes on whose face. Coming of age not cumming of age, you illiterate fuck.

[limeade-l3sbian]

the bruise analogy makes sense. except it’s more like she left a gaping wound and then this eventually scarred over and now hurts when it rains. it was about my mom, whom i love dearly. but i also hate a lot at times. i hate that i hate her. it sounds stupid. but i truly do wanna forgive her but i also feel like i can never truly make peace with the stuff in my childhood and teen years. the choices she made. the choices she didn’t make. feeling othered in my own home for my whole childhood. we have had many blow up fights over the years and gone no contact two times over it. and now we truly are in a better place. i sent her years ago a long detailed mail of my feelings. i expressed them without anger. and finally something clicked and she apologized sincerely. she also changed the behavior still left over that damages me. and while i have received therapy and while i can understand my mom did not have it easy as a single mother to two kids, this hateful resentment never is fully gone and it shows it’s ugly face when i’m depressive. it makes me want to lash out. cause even a smidgen of the same hurt she did me. i don’t. but the want is there. makes me want to cut her out completely. but i don’t because i know that hurts immensely too. so i’m forced to sit in this love/hate. i wish i was a better person bc that would probably have made me able to forgive her truly. and i guess i do forgive her to an extent, rationally at least. but emotionally, my childhood and teen years are unforgivable.

having such complicated feelings are tiring. i wish sometimes emotions were much more one noted. a lot more comprehensible.

ah, the parent trauma. that's much harder to get through.

i'll be honest, anon. i struggle with the same thing. i love my mom but like you said, there was a lot of neglect and anger in my childhood that left a lot to be desired. it stunted me and had an effect on my actual life progress. she's apologized many times but the dynamic between parent and child is much harder to navigate through. mainly because in a lot of situations, we want to keep in touch with the person who raised us. i can't help but credit some parts of who i am today towards her, though the same can be said about the bad parts like certain fears and insecurities.

i can't say "this is exactly what you should do!" but i find that space between me and my mom has helped tremendously. unfortunately, i think in these types of situations, the only way that that wound can at least start to heal or become less noticeable is when you give it room to breathe. also, share this with her!

one thing that i didn't mention in the analogy bc i didn't want it to go on forever lmao was that A should, for her benefit and the relationship, tell B that they were still a little upset. Talking through things can be annoying, and you'll feel tired as FUCK. But you'll definitely start to notice the changes.

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary379

10/5-6/24

saturday - sunday

joker 2 was terrible awful awful.

bad movies in the theater make me so miserable. like sick, like i hafta puke and stuff. i wrote a review for it for letterboxd. i dunno why since it's all just stuff i'd put here, but i'll copy and paste it over here i suppose:

things like this make me feel miserable, my soul leaving my body, or an infection i will never rid myself of. i really hate it. it's not even funny, i didn't watch this because i for any reason wished to, i just had to. it seemed to please one guy who walked out of the theater dancing. this movie makes me feel impossibly bad for him, which is an ugly thing, and makes me feel worse. it's pointless and makes you feel bad about the world, and i can't really gather why. it's not like it expresses anything, it doesn't show you horrible things really, it's a guy from a comic book. eventually he is sodomized, and i didn't even realize until my girlfriend told me about all the bruises on his thighs because by that point i just wanted it to end, and it would not, so i was trying to make it go faster. of course everyone knows this movie is like worthless, it's just such a unique sensation every time i see these super hero films, not like despair about culture, not like, people are so stupid, just like, this makes me feel bad, please stop. lots of people seemed to be fascinated by it, someone said: what a punchline. i don't know. it's rather pathetic of all things in my life that can get me down, it's joker 2. or maybe it's the kids who shut off the lights in the bathroom when i went to go piss elsewhere in the super shopping zone this theater is in. or the people staring (at me). whatever, though.

the fact that he is like, sodomized is still insane, because it's so nothing in the film, like it changes his character, he stops being the joker, but like, it's not, it tries to not be gratuitous i think? or it's like trying to be subtle because realizing what happened and having that creep up on people is supposed to be mega fucked up feeling and that is gratuitous, it certainly has to exist in that dimension, but i can't tell why the guy decided he needed to make that happen in his stupid comic book guy movie. why was that what needed to happen. why did all the musical stuff have no scope, why was it all dull, as i expected as well, the movie clearly hates women, it's kind of grotesque how it handles multiple times where the joker man kisses a woman pointlessly, or when he has sex with lady gaga and it's framed like a murder almost, her entire character. people said the movie's mostly about her. it isn't? it's about nothing. it's just so gross honestly. it's a hideous and ugly thing.

speaking of, i do really feel bad about getting sad seeing the guy be happy and dancing down a walkway because he liked the joker so much. or relates to him. my gf relates to him, this movie was miserable for her, because on some level i respect that there are people for whom this portrayal speaks to because of parental abuse and stuff. it is a little silly but like, i don't know, seeing something i guess even with a little empathy or at least the impulse to express this character as pitiful and sad, and wanting to kill his mother for hurting him, i understand why that would speak to people and i feel for them. they exist, i don't know if that guy was like that, this film is so bizarre, it's like it hates that. i don't know. dude's thrashing worthlessly against an audience he cultivated with his certainly shit film, the first one (sorry, to my gf, but i will never see it and know it is bad and do not need to watch it (which i knew about this one too tbhhhh)). it's like cruel, it's cruel how the movie gestures at like, people being different, neurodivergent, disabled, whatever (at one point a little person shows up and people in the theater just started laughing, i don't think i really got that, probably because of something funny in the last film? it made me feel bad, though), at every turn it just makes a mean and grotesque spectacle of them, and it makes a grotesque spectacle of the people who oppress and harm them too. utterly charmless, cares for nobody. it's so misanthropic and what is the cause?????? it's not like, about really horrifying things, it's not like come and see, which even that is not misanthropic, but it's about real things, that horrify and disgust, grotesqueries of the world. it's not like happiness, which is about really awful people who don't know anything but selfishness, and the ugliness of only wanting your own happiness and sacrificing others to that, whatever the particulars of that sacrifice might be, which is something grotesque, or even the suburban nature of much of that movie, the people on display, quotidian grotesques of normalcy and whatevsss. it's nothing!!! it's a guy from a comic book getting sodomized after singing with lady gaga for a while!! what is with the negativity? i think about hurting myself like every day and sometimes the world seems so awful to me, inhospitable, infinitely cruel and hideous, it makes me want to hide or puke forever sometimes and still it doesn't resonate. i am misanthropic sometimes, less now than ever before, always lessening over the years, but i used to be so negative, even then, this would mean nothing to me, because at its core, there's supposedly someone mistreated they got here, but it's only suggested. it's not...it's just an origin story for something we all know, it proves that constantly, this one has harvey dent in it becoming two face, it has a guy slitting his lips after killing joker guy, which is like, that feels like an obvious thing (do you know how i got these scars?) it's so so so so so so so stupid and lame and so so so so so self serious and it has nothing backing that up.

it's so easy for me to talk about stuff i don't like, which sucks. it just always feels like what is good proves itself, usually. this proves nothing, it's so, i don't know. i just would hope nobody watches it. it made me think about megalopolis, a bit, just because i saw someone say today there's no point in talking about that film, and i just feel like, yeah that movie is kind of a fuckup failure thing, like it's such a mess, but it's ornate, it has so much in it, it's somewhere between early expressionist stuff, soviet filmmaking, and a zyrtec ad, and that moves me visually and as a way to try and touch on right now, so maybe it gets some affect across in its formal methods, and its really creative images, and its failures to get things across, its lunatic moments, it's really really...something, at least, it's not a regular species of failure, it is a failure but it's of a baroque and strange character, inexplicably, a piece of wood carved for over 40 years slowly morphing into wishes to vote for hillary clinton, in the gothic turns and ivy carved into oak, you see stranger visions, and terrible ones, another world existing parallel, a heap of history lodged inside after being worked out so long (footage of 9/11's aftermath shot when they were trying to film this years ago, put in the film, real archival footage of that event captured within the scope of this film), what is joker 2, it is barely even a film tethered to the past meaningfully, it's attempting to reference older kinds of films, it's trying to get at the feeling of old musicals maybe, by using the songs, but there's no artifice, it tries to be so naturalistic, it's shot like all these things are, it's so, normal??? it's so without excess, it is formally what it has to be. no leaps, no gestures of any sort. at least megalopolis contains things that might make us follow some weird nugget anywhere else, it leads out of itself, it is something you can obliterate. joker 2 is like, concrete.

here's something stupid + strange + funny + mortifying:

here's a strange feeling i had in the theater:

in red light, my girlfriend turned to me, in some kind of pain because of this bad film, she had done makeup because she really loves the joker, i realized looking at her, how much i love her, her eyes were so her, and right there, and her face in red, i kept looking back, at other points, feeling this same thing, currently it makes me think of breton, it makes me think of this song:

i don't wanna walk outside without youuuuuuuu.

it is making me emotional. she means a lot, to me, to everyone she knows i think. she is important to everybody. i can't explain how i felt, it was like, i just felt like i was seeing her, not for the first time, just seeing her, suspended and able to focus on her, nothing else mattered, what we were watching was meaningless, just her. this kind of feeling is rare for me. i'm not really affectionate in normal ways. i guess i wasn't even able to express it to her. does it least mean something if i really feel it? deep down, i feel it, is that in my desire, traveling through me, through the world, leading me somewhere where something may be articulate, at the end of a dark tunnel,,, flowers, something lovely, i hope.

i remember this clumsy feeling so much, when i was younger, when i was realizing that i sometimes wanted to be with men, the fear, not wanting to not be by their sides, the ones i liked, always wanting their attention. i should write this other stuff down elsewhere, it seems important.

strange little thing i will probably stick into the larger thing. i need to read tomorrow. #catchphrase.

also i took selfies today here those are:

middle finger as an act of hate towards going to see a stupid movie but i guess i felt cute today since i took so many photos. that is good at least, or it does feel good, i still feel cuter than usual, today.

fun riffs:

i wanted to do another avenging godfathers of disco song, off their first record but there's only a fucked up live recording where the sound's in the left channel only!!!!!!!!!!!!!! stupid!!!!!!!!!

or not stupid, it's fun in its own way i guess, that things are fucked up like that.

this song is fun, this jazzy break, very cute, it's fun how these bands kind of took after mr bungle but somehow feel a little more straight laced, i think it's because the hardcore stuff they do, mathcore already is kind of rooted in guys looking to jazz, at least it feels that way, some weird moves in riffs and structures certainly come from that, perhaps it's just a situation where they're looking at bands who did that and then following that sometimes, clearly these guys actually like that stuff, anyhow, the jazzy stuff here it plays well with the mathcore fucked up grindy stuff, it coheres in an interesting way, not as random as mr bungle i think.

i feel better after aimlessly bitching about that stupid film, now i need to sleep. i didn't do much else today, nothing creative, really... now i'm messing with that atari 2600 vst again. i want to see if i can like tune it, so it plays notes... and is.. .normal. started playing with another synth instead. i have to get to sleep i'm so tired it's hard to keep my eyes open,

so,

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[pesterloglog]

Caliborn, Jane Crocker

Act 6, page 5551-5556

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

uu: CROCKER.

uu: HEY IT'S ME.

uu: REMEMBER ME?

GG: What the?

uu: TUMUT

uu: OOPS NO.

uu: *HOLDS SHIFT.* *NOSTALGICALLY.*

uu: tumut

uu: YESSSS.

GG: Oh, you have GOT to be kidding me.

GG: You are the absolute last person I want to hear from right now.

GG: And the bottom of that list is pretty competitive territory at the moment!

uu: DON'T BE LIKE THAT. YOU STUPID EARTH COW.

uu: HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BE BECOMING FRIENDS. IF YOU RECOIL FROM MY OLIVE BRANCH.

uu: LIKE I'M FLAILING A WITHERED MUMMY'S SEVERED LIMB IN YOUR DIRECTION.

GG: I don't want us to become friends!

GG: We all thought you were gone for good. And we liked it that way!

GG: Please don't tell me you've found a second wind of petty trolling in you.

uu: HEY. I DON'T TROLL.

uu: I *JEER*. GET IT RIGHT.

uu: TROLLING IS FOR LOSERS. LOSERS SPECIFICALLY WHO ARE TROLLS.

GG: Whatever. And what's with the ugly green text?

GG: Reading your malformed sentence fragments was unpleasant enough as it was.

uu: I BORROWED IT FROM MY SISTER.

uu: AND SHUT UP. IT LOOKS GREAT.

uu: AND IS NO UGLIER THAN YOU. WHO I CAN SEE NOW WITH EASE. FOR THE RECORD.

GG: "Whom" you can see, moron.

GG: And no, you can't!

GG: Calliope said you couldn't see us at all in our game session. So I think you're lying!

uu: AM I REALLY.

uu: WHEN RIGHT NOW I AM LOOKING AT A HOMELY FEMALE IN DUMB BLUE PANTS. SULKING IN A GRAY PLACE. TYPING ON A COMPUTER WITH A STRANGE HUMAN FACE?

GG: Oh, dear God.

GG: WHY???

uu: MY POWER HAS GROWN CONSIDERABLY SINCE I LAST JEERED YOU.

uu: I HAVE MADE REMARKABLE STRIDES ON MY SACRED JOURNEY TOWARD IMPORTANT ADULTHOOD.

uu: ON THIS BULLSHIT PLANET. WHICH USED TO BE YOUR HOME.

uu: I HAVE FOUND MANY KEYS. AND UNLOCKED MANY HOLES.

uu: AND NOW I CAN SEE MORE. AND LEARN MORE. THAN YOU COULD EVER FUCKING DREAM!

GG: How wonderful for you.

GG: I don't care how all-seeing and all-powerful you think you are.

GG: If your intent is to waste my time with more of your pitiful bullying, you are out of luck.

GG: Because that is exactly NOT the sort of crap I am in the mood for today.

GG: Toodle-oo!!!

uu: WAIT!

uu: I THINK I GOT OFF ON THE WRONG FOOT.

uu: HOW ABOUT WE. GNAW THAT ONE OFF AND START OVER?

uu: I WAS TRYING TO PAY YOU A COMPLIMENT.

GG: ??

uu: MY PEOPLE AREN'T MEANT TO LIKE ANYBODY. GET IT?

uu: I MEAN, NOT THE WAY HUMANS DO. WE DON'T HAVE THE HUMAN EMOTION CALLED "LOVEKHEKLFSDKF". AND WE SPONTANEOUSLY START MASHING KEYS. WHEN WE ARE FORCED TO EVEN TYPE THE WORD.

uu: ALL OUR RELATIONSHIPS ARE DICTATED BY THE MIRACLE OF HATRED. SO WHEN I USE BAD WORDS TOWARD YOU. THAT'S JUST ME SAYING THINGS TO TRY TO KNOW YOU BETTER.

uu: LIKE. "SOCIALLYUOIPY".

uu: AS A.

uu: *SHUDDER*

uu: A... "FRIENDJISJFDJISJSDKFLDJSDKLJF".

uu: SO WHEN I SAY YOU'RE UGLY. WHICH YOU FACTUALLY ARE.

uu: I MEAN THAT FROM MY PERSPECTIVE. OF BEING NORMAL, AND NOT A SHITTY ALIEN. TO SAY THAT YOU ARE ACTUALLY ATTRACTIVE IN AN UNPLEASANT WAY. TO MY BRAIN.

GG: Hrm.

GG: Nope. That makes very little sense.

uu: FUCK. TRY USING YOUR SUPPOSEDLY BETTER SMARTNESS THAN MINE.

uu: AND THINK SOMEWHAT LATERALLY. ABOUT LIKE. FUCKING CULTURE. THAT ISN'T *YOURS*.

uu: YOU DUMB BITCH.

GG: Yes, I see it all too clearly now. You're really quite the charmer!

uu: NO. COME ON. "DUMB BITCH" IS ANOTHER GREAT COMPLIMENT.

uu: IN THE SAME VEIN AS THAT WHICH I JUST DESCRIBED.

uu: IT'S A TERM OF "ENDEARMENKSKLJJF" I USE TO TALK ABOUT GIRLS. WHO IN MY VIEW HAVE MANAGED TO AVOID BEING.

uu: UTTERLY BENEATH MY PERSONAL ACKNOWLEDGEMENT. THIS ISN'T COMPLICATED.

GG: Uh huh.

GG: So you're actually trying to claim that you find me attractive, from the alleged "bad means good" point of view of your hate-driven species?

uu: DEFINITELY.

uu: I'M NOT JOKING AROUND, CROCKER.

uu: I'VE UNLOCKED A BUNCH OF YOUR SCREENS. AND SPENT A LOT OF TIME WATCHING YOU.

uu: WHILE THINKING. JUST.

uu: THE *DIIIIRTIEST* THOUGHTS.

uu: HEE HEE. HAA.

GG: Eww.

GG: You pig.

uu: THE OTHER FEMALE TOO. LET'S NOT FORGET YOUR SQUAD'S BACKUP BITCH.

uu: HOW NASTY IS SHE?? JUST SO FOUL. AND THE THINGS YOU GET UP TO WITH ONE ANOTHER. OH MY.

uu: NEED I EVEN CITE THE ALTERCATION WITH YOUR PUFFY SLUMBER LOAVES?

GG: Excuse me??

uu: MY COMPLIMENTS IN PARTICULAR. ON YOUR COLORFUL UNDERGARMENTS.

uu: WHILE BOUNCING UP AND DOWN ON THE SOFT HUMAN SARSWAPAGUS.

GG: Oh, that's just great.

GG: The ONE TIME we had a generic girly pillow fight, and it turns out some pervert was watching us.

GG: I think I need a shower.

GG: Assuming I can ever take one again in peace!

uu: DON'T WORRY. YOU CAN'T.

uu: BUT SERIOUSLY. JANE. CAN I CALL YOU JANE? BITCH, LISTEN.

uu: YOU ARE ONE GRODY HARLOT. WHICH MEANS GOOD (BAD) THINGS TO ME, LET'S REMEMBER.

uu: WHEN I UNLOCKED YOU. I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE I'VE CHANGED? OR MAYBE JUST YOU. SINCE YOU TURNED OLDER. BUT YOU'VE REALLY.

uu: FILLED OUT.

uu: SINCE I LAST SAW YOU BEFORE.

GG: What?

GG: ...

GG: Really?

uu: HELL YES.

uu: I DO ENJOY A MEATY BITCH. WITH A LITTLE CLOUT.

GG: What do you mean, exactly...

GG: By "clout?"

uu: OH. I THINK YOU KNOW.

uu: WHEN PHYSICAL PORTIONS OF THE BITCH. KIND OF JUT OUT. EXUBERANTLY.

GG: Do you mean...

GG: My...

GG: Why am I even having this conversation!

uu: I JUST HAVE A WEAK SPOT. FOR THE ABOVE AVERAGE HEFT OF YOUR PARTS. WHICH WOBBLE THE MOST.

uu: NOW DO SOMETHING NAUSEATING FOR ME TO WATCH.

uu: I WANT TO SEE A TAWDRY ACT OF HARD CORE SCHMALTZ.

uu: SEE THAT ROCK OVER THERE. PRETEND IT IS THE OTHER INSOLENT BITCH.

uu: ACT A LITTLE NERVOUS. WITH YOUR IDLE HAND, GRAZE ONE OF YOUR MORE BULBOUS LOCATIONS "INCIDENTALLY".

uu: THEN ASK THE ROCK IF IT WANTS TO FALL IN LOVE!!! OOOOOOOH.

GG: What? No!

GG: Are you insane?

GG: I don't care where you are, or whatever the hell it is you "unlocked" to spy on me.

GG: You aren't allowed to sit there all day leering at my boobs!!!

uu: YOUR WHAT.

GG: My... what?

GG: Wait, what were YOU talking about?

uu: NO. TELL ME WHAT THOSE THINGS YOU SAID ARE. I'M SO ENTICED!

GG: Screw you!

GG: Tell me what you were getting at with all that!!

GG: The stuff about "clout," and my "bulbous locations."

uu: I WAS JUST SAYING. MY TASTE PREFERS.

uu: WHEN THE BUXOM SHREW'S PHYSIQUE PUTS A HEALTHY DENT IN SPACETIME.

GG: Spacetime??

uu: I LIKE HOW SALTY IT IS. WHEN A BITCH GROWS OUT OF HER SKELETAL PHASE.

uu: AND HER FRAME REALLY BEGINS TO CHALLENGE THE HORIZONTAL DIMENSIONS.

GG: WHAT!

uu: WHEN THE FEMALE RUMP STARTS GETTING MORE MILEAGE OUT OF ITS WIDENESS ATTRIBUTE. MORE BANG FOR ITS BOONBUCK!

uu: IT EXCITES ME BETTER. WHEN BITCHES PUNISH THE GROUND. WITH EACH MEGALITHIC FOOTSTEP.

GG: SHUT UP!

GG: I'M NOT FAT!!!

uu: JANE BITCH. I HAVE NEW ORDERS.

uu: YOU WILL STRIP TO THE SCANTY PAIR OF PARTY PANTS AND THE CLOTH CHEST PIECE WHICH YOU WEAR UNDER THOSE PLAIN RAGS.

uu: THEN FIND A NAUGHTY PATCH OF MUD.

uu: AND ROLL AROUND IN THE MUD. LIKE AN EARTH PIG.

uu: FLAUNTING FOR ME. YOUR SLIPPERY AND SWOLLEN PORCINE PHYSICALITY.

uu: AND MAYBE GRUNT SOME DECADENT POEMS THROUGH YOUR SNOUT. ABOUT SOME SHITFACE YOU "ADOREFJSDKLJJF".

uu: OOOOH YES.

uu: THAT WOULD BE.

uu: *WRRRRETCHED!*

GG: GO FUCK YOURSELF!

uu: WAIT! DON'T SHUT ME OUT.

uu: REMEMBER WHAT I SAID. ABOUT OUR DIFFERENT CULTURES OR WHATEVER.

uu: HAVE A FUCKING OPEN MIND, JANE.

uu: I MADE YOU A PRESENT. FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY. WHATEVER THAT ACTUALLY IS.

uu: SEE HOW I'M MAKING AN EFFORT TO UNDERSTAND YOUR CUSTOMS?

uu: MEET ME HALF OF THE GODDAMN WAY.

GG: Oh cripes.

GG: What is it?

uu: A SUBLIME ARTISTIC PORTRAIT.

uu: REMEMBER HOW I SAID MY POWER WAS GROWING WITH EACH DAY.

uu: THIS APPLIES AS WELL TO MY PROWESS AS A DRAFTSMAN.

GG: Oh goodness, no. You poor delusional thing.

GG: I don't care what progress you think you've made. You will never be a good artist, dear.

uu: HORSESHIT.

uu: MY ILLUSTRATION IS STUNNING. IT IS NEARLY A PHOTOGRAPHIC REPRESENTATION OF YOUR ODIOUS MILKSHAKE.

uu: NOW PARK THE INDUSTRIAL LOAD OF FREIGHT YOU DECLARE A BOTTOM. AND FEAST YOUR EYES ON MY FUCKING EXCELLENCE!

uu: http://tinyurl.com/JANETHISISYOU

GG: Groan.

uu: I BELIEVE I HAVE CHOSEN THE PERFECT SHAPE FOR YOU.

uu: IT IS DESCRIBED IN CERTAIN CIRCLES KNOWLEDGEABLE OF THE ARTS. AS. "A CIRCLE".

uu: I AM VERY PLEASED WITH HOW FAITHFULLY IT HAS CAPTURED THE OBSCENE ROTUNDITY. OF YOUR MAGNIFICENT CARRIAGE.

uu: TRULY A SPITTING IMAGE OF THE CROCKER BITCH.

uu: NOW LISTEN CAREFULLY. YOU MAY LEARN SOMETHING.

uu: THE MASTERPIECE AFICIONADO WILL NOTICE. HOW I ACHIEVED THIS HIGHLY ADVANCED AND DIFFICULT SHAPE.

uu: WHAT MOST GIFTED ARTISANS WILL TELL YOU. IS THAT. CIRCLES ARE BASICALLY FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE TO DRAW.

uu: TRUST ME.

uu: IT'S LIKE A PARADOX. A SHAPE WITHOUT ANGLES. WHAT??

uu: SO I FUCKING CHEATED.

uu: I NAVIGATED THE IRRATIONAL PERIMETER BY MAKING A LOT OF EASILY UNDERSTANDABLE, TOTALLY LOGICAL MARKS. FORMING A WHOLE BUNCH OF LITTLE RIGHT ANGLES.

uu: THE CHEATING PART HAPPENS WHEN I DO THIS A LOT. SO IT GOES IN A ROUND DIRECTION.

uu: THIS ONE CAME OUT WELL I THINK. BUT THERE'S ROOM TO IMPROVE.

uu: I HAVE THEORIZED THAT IF I KEEP MAKING BOGUS CIRCLES LIKE THIS.

uu: WHILE DRAWING MORE AND MORE ANGLES. BUT SMALLER. SO SMALL THAT YOU START CAN'T SEEING THEM.

uu: THAT THE ILLUSION OF THE CIRCLE WILL BE COMPLETE! AND PEOPLE WILL BELIEVE IN THE FAKE CIRCLE. LIKE A BUNCH OF SUCKERS.

uu: I BET NOBODY HAS THOUGHT OF THAT CIRCLE STRATEGY. I THINK I'M THE FIRST AT THIS IDEA. AND BEST AT IT ALREADY.

uu: PEOPLE THINK I'M DUMB. ESPECIALLY THE VOICE IN MY HEAD.

uu: AND THEY MAY BE RIGHT ABOUT ME BEING DUMB.

uu: BUT WHEN IT COMES TO THE SPECIAL WAY I DO THINGS. WHICH IS ALWAYS ACTUALLY. THE PERFECT WAY.

uu: I AM.

uu: A GENIUS!

GG: That is the most pointless and incomprehensible load of drivel I have ever read.

GG: Your "portrait" is every bit as abysmal as I was expecting. And for the last time. I AM NOT FAT.

GG: I think your claims of attraction to heavyset women, which you present as "flattery," is an obvious ruse to get me to feel insecure about my appearance, and it isn't going to work!

uu: OINK.

GG: SHUT YOUR STUPID FACE!!!

GG: UGH, THIS BIRTHDAY IS SO AWFUL! I CAN'T STAND IT!

GG: WHY IS EVERYONE TREATING ME LIKE SHIT TODAY?

GG: WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?!

uu: YOU WERE. WAIT. WHAT'S THE CONJUGATION ASSOCIATED WITH "HUMAN BIRTH"?

uu: IS IT. HUMAN BORTH?

uu: YOU WERE HUMAN BORTH.

GG: SHUT UP!

GG: I'M DONE HUMORING YOUR PERVERTED ADOLESCENT MIND GAMES!

GG: TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED TO CALLIOPE!

GG: CALLIOPE!!!

GG: WE WANT YOU BACK! PLEASE COME BACK AND SPARE US FROM THIS LECHEROUS NINCOMPOOP!

GG: CALLIOPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GG: WHY DOESN'T THIS WORK?!

uu: SAYING HER NAME ONLY WAKES HER UP. IF SHE'S ALIVE.

uu: SO YOUR HOG FACE CAN SNORT THE DIRTY SYLLABLES ALL IT WANTS. HELL, I WILL EVEN GIVE YOU A HAND!

uu: CALLIOPE! WAKE UP SIS!

uu: HAA HAA, WHOOPS. SHE CAN'T.

uu: THE BITCH IS DEAD!

GG: I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!

uu: NO IT'S TRUE. I GOT SOMEBODY TO STAB HER A LOT.

uu: THEN I STOLE HER BLOOD FOR MY LETTERS.

GG: NO!!! THAT CAN'T BE TRUE! I REFUSE TO BELIEVE EVEN YOU WOULD DO SOMETHING SO TERRIBLE!

uu: JANE BITCH. YOUR PREPOSTEROUS FEMALE EMOTIONS ARE GOING EARTH BANANAS AGAIN.

uu: SETTLE DOWN AND LISTEN TO BOY REASON. DO NOT MAKE ME DEMONSTRATE THE VERACITY OF MY FACTS. YET AGAIN.

uu: THAT SACCHARINE TRAMP IS SUCH A GONER. SHE'S NEVER COMING BACK.

uu: JUST LIKE YOUR DAPPER HUMAN GUARDIAN.

GG: WHAT?? WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT MY FATHER!

GG: WHERE IS HE?

uu: HE'S FUCKING DEAD IS WHERE.

GG: YOU'RE LYING AGAIN!!!

GG: TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW!

uu: GOD. I'M TRYING TO.

uu: MY FACTS ARE HAVING DIFFICULTY PENETRATING YOUR HYSTERICAL ATTITUDE. LISTEN TO ME VERY CLOSE.

uu: HE WAS CAPTURED BY AN AGENT SOON AFTER YOU BEGAN YOUR QUEST. HE WAS THEN PUT IN JAIL ON DERSE.

GG: Ok...

GG: So he's on Derse, then?

uu: BITCH, YOU AREN'T PAYING ATTENTION. DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE PRISON SYSTEM ON DERSE?

uu: IT ISN'T LIKE THE SOFT TIME YOU DO ON PROSPIT. I BET YOU NEVER SPENT ANY TIME IN THE JOKE THEY CALL A SLAMMER THERE. LET ALONE ON DERSE.

GG: And I suppose you have??

uu: I WAS NOT VERY WELL BEHAVED. I DID MORE THAN MY SHARE OF TIME. CHAINED TO THE WALL OF A CELL.

uu: HEE HEE! LIKE I WASN'T SO USED TO THAT. I WAS LIKE. DO YOUR WORST.

uu: AND THEN THEY DID. DERSITES DO NOT TREAT THEIR PRISONERS GOOD. TO SAY THE LEAST!

uu: I WAS ONLY ABLE TO SURVIVE THE BRUTALITY. DUE TO MY EXCEPTIONAL CONSTITUTION. AND EVEN TO SOME EXTENT. MY ABILITY TO ENJOY ANGUISH.

uu: BUT YOUR PATHETIC, FRAIL HUMAN "DAD" IS A DIFFERENT STORY. THERE IS NO DOUBT AT ALL. THAT HE IS DEAD BY NOW!

GG: No. Don't say that. Shut up!

uu: YOU REALLY SHOULD BELIEVE ME. I HAVE UNLOCKED MANY OF HIS SCREENS, JUST LIKE YOURS.

uu: YOU SHOULD SEE HOW THEY TREATED HIM! THE HORROR HE EXPERIENCED MUST BE DIFFICULT FOR A HUMAN GIRL TO IMAGINE.

uu: PERHAPS I SHOULD CAPTURE ONE OF THE VISUALS. AND SHOW YOU FIRST HAND?

GG: YOU BASTARD! I SAID SHUT UP!!!

uu: HIS AGONY WAS MAGNIFICENT. AND VERY LONG LASTING. YOU SEE. HE WAS A VIP.

uu: A VERY IMPORTANT PRISONER. SO THEY GAVE HIM SPECIAL TREATMENT.

uu: UNDER SUCH CRUEL CIRCUMSTANCES. I BELIEVE HE WOULD HAVE TRADED HIS FAVORITE HAT. FOR A SWIFT END TO HIS HILARIOUS SUFFERING!

GG: STOP IT

uu: BUT IT WAS SO WONDERFUL AND GREAT TO WATCH!

uu: BETWEEN YOUR FATHER'S DEMISE. AND HIS DAUGHTER'S EPIC POSTERIOR. LOOMING LARGE ON MY VIDEO DISPLAYS.

uu: I REALLY MUST THANK YOUR ENTIRE "FAMILY". FOR HOURS OF SCANDALOUS ENJOYMENT!

GG: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!!!

GG: FUCK YOU! HE'S NOT DEAD!

GG: MY DAD'S FINE, I'M NOT FAT, AND I HATE YOU! I'M NEVER TALKING TO YOU AGAIN!!!!!!

GG: AND STOP WATCHING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[inside-a-sinners-mind]

Here's the next clue

For whom I am to you

Thinking like a puzzle when you

Could have just read the book,

Naw I like making thing akward for everyone

I'm not mad or hating I'm just really glad you ate good

You think I'm slow or illiterate il

But I read circles all the corn field

You fucked up making me your enemy

Cuz I gave you everything, even shit that wasn't mine too

But I can't get my time back, can't get my money back, or helly sanity

You want me to play cray cray,

I can but they got to be worth more

Than $1.68

Bruh I'm so close to hatibg you and everything you do

Fuckin on my best friend well shit she ain't better than you,

Tried set me up, you failed cause:

one im grown asf

For two im single for three Im ugly and I'm thick and yes I suck it

You taught her all my tricks just trying to replace a bitch but your new bitch infected and this point is redacted cause as you lay there smoking and smiling

Rocking your body, I think you infected too

So no I ain't fuckin on you or anyone else but if I wanted too I wouldn't need a text cause this pussy wet and clean and if pop it back imma get a ring

First place always the queen because I ain't easy and you can't get in with no slick ass rap or slashing of the whip

Pretty boy you were and daddy definitely could but hunny daddy you are not. Every stroke was wack sidiy makee cum until you tongue arched my back

You can eat it anyway with a dental dam bae baby and lil kid let me tell you this

You might be a "companion" but honey if you were making any money your stupid ass would let him take it.

Cuz you run s niggas pouches not his pockets hunny cuz them niggas you fuckin gay as hell

Two snaps and a half wig later you still thirsty for the niggas didn't play with me

He girlfriend me the other wifed me and the rest couldn't get my time if I paid them too

Your tip went to my bank account bitch and you were too stupid to rob me so you had our ex bitch bitch do it man this morning report getting really spicy cause at the end of the day ain't shit that you can run your mouth about cuz I tell on myself Bout everything I did. SOLID and body amor you not get through I told you I went dark

Now time to taste the chocolate 💋

[dreaminmetaphors]

Yo Mama So Republican

Oh yeah? Oh yeah? Well yo mama so dumb she wants to fence in all the gay people —so that they’ll stop reproducing! Yo mama so dumb she thinks the Great Wall of China is between us and Mexico. Yo mama So Stupid that after 40yrs of warnings about climate change, when the weather goes wonky, she's like, “Well, maybe it's The Jews? And their space lasers!” Yo mama is so ignorant she thinks talking about racism is “the real racism.”

Yo mama so ugly she does pretzel twists and contortions to avoid saying: “Black Lives Matter.” Yo mama so slutty she doesn't believe in using protection. She let every single variant of covid-19 inside her. Yo mama so lazy she tells everyone the Bible is the literal word of God. Still hasn't read it. Man, when yo mama sits around the house, she sits—in front of the computer thinking she knows more about immunology than people with advanced medical degrees. Yo mama so gullible, you can turn her against anything just by adding an adjective to it: Culture? Cancel culture. Using correct names? Political correctness. She hates them now. Yo mama so gullible she hopes we replace social security with separate, market-vulnerable accounts. You know: anti-social insecurity. Oh, you wanna say something? Nah, yo mama says money is speech, so you and yo mama too broke to talk back. Yo mama so gullible, she still calls herself an evangelical Christian while taking a selfie in front of a golden image of Barabbas, whom she voted for. Yo mama so gullible, she watches Fox News—and thinks it’s news! Or I don't know, maybe it's just because she's so old... Yo mama so ancient, she thinks family values means bludgeoning a gay man to death with rocks, then going to bed alone while her husband impregnates a twelve-year-old. Yeah, she's so conservative, she takes a firm anti-slavery stance, expects us all to be impressed, ...but she's still on the fence about Jim Crow. Yo mama so conservative she gets triggered by the word trigger. ...and still wants more guns out there. Dead kids? Meh, who'd be triggered by that? Yo mama so conservative she hates participation trophies like they tell her to on Fox, —which IS a participation trophy for voicing uninformed opinions “It's okay, Sean. You didn't study the material or learn anything, but you still had something to say. Who's my clever little proud boy?” Yo mama so Republican, she hates Obamacare. So terrible. Not like the Affordable Care Act that saved her waste of a life. (Thanks, Obama.) Yo mama so Republican, any time she has to do something she doesn't want to, it's tyranny. And any time we don't do what she wants, that's also tyranny. If freedom isn't everyone doing what she tells us, then she doesn't know what it is. Yeah, she doesn't know what it is.

See, it all fits together. The lazy ignorance. Intentional gullibility. The ugliness. Yo mama so stupid, she thinks she's brilliant because she doesn't even know enough— about anything—to know how much she still doesn't know, you know? And that's how we got here. Mamas. Some people's mamas so stupid and ugly and mean, it's obvious she taught them everything they don't know.

[mareliini]

it’s the traditional art summary post of the year.

In short, this has been the least productive year to date, i hit a big slump this autumn and practically haven’t drawn shit outside silly arcana comics (november slot) or half-assed sketches for the train story (september and october slots, tho october is Kuuro, my dear good child from cloud). Most of these I had to hunt down from instagram, because I haven’t scanned anything beside bus pages and then I haven’t even drawn bus for some 4 months now (tho I did!!! draw it a lot last weekend I am aiming to finish the last chapter this year still! It’s all inked! It’s happening!)

Also there’s that small group pic of my stupid vampire hunting kids in memory of my absolutely feral and spiraling returning micro-obsession for owari no seraph this august. Friend discord, i am so sorry for the way too deep analyse rant but also i called the main composting cucumber man in so many refreshing names I was dying when i went back to check that particular log. (also fuck manga still outside of the roadtrip arc which was excellent and everyone should travel by car roof, we as a society have a lot to learn still). 

[buttercuparry]

im sorry but whose fault is that arya is seeing by the fandom as a kid? i've read fics about arya written by arya stans and its always the same: arya being ugly (being seen as ugly even by her own love interest, her own love interest admits sansa is more beautiful than her, etc) which its a lie because arya is beautiful in the books, she was just a child at the start of the series. i have read arya being an infuriating smart ass, arya being a wild thing who insults everyone and hates other women and hates to wear dresses and is always dirty or mean. i stopped reading fics about her to read fics about sansa even if i dont give a shit about her bc sometimes her fics are more mature, idc if she never meets jon in the books, the writers do a really good job portraying jon being in love with her and thats all i care and want to read in a fic where they are the main pairing. that doesnt happen in jonrya fics and its sad bc they have so much evidence in the books.

I don't know why you came into my inbox.

I mean if you like reading jonsa fics and find jonrya fics to be lacking, then that depends on your personal tastes.

Like what was your thought process here? Did you want me to argue with you on how jonrya fics are the best form of art (TM) and scream how wrong it is of you to find it lacking? lmao.

I personally find jonrya fics to be scrumptious. Even if in those fics the author chooses to say that yes, Arya is not the fairest of them all: even then. And do you know why is that? Because that is true. Arya is not the fairest maid in Westeros. Neither was Lyanna. But our frustration comes when your people has repeatedly tried to impress on a stupid theory that Arya is too ugly to be loved, too wild to be loved and therefore it is impossible for her and Lyanna to look alike. Lyanna was a wild beauty but Cersei is said to be much more beautiful than her. Dany with her Targaryen features is canonically one of the best looking woman in perhaps the whole Planetos. But both of these facts do not take away from either Arya or Lyanna. Do not pretend that you who has read their fics, perhaps even went about in their circles, don't know that they have the tendency to push the, "why would Jon look at Arya if Sansa is there". As if Jonrya hinges on Jon losing his heart over Arya's beauty.

And yes, you asked whose fault it is that Arya is seen as a kid? Well tell me then why whenever we discuss Arya's potential love interests, edit any love scene for jonrya or gendrya, write metas or smutty fics of an aged up Arya or generally fool around with any ship regarding Arya, why do we have people coming into our inboxes, calling us pedophiles for sexualizing an 11 year old. Why was there a shock over show!Arya initiating intimacy with Gendry because apparently to them Arya was a kid?

And yes you are right even within our circle, we have had certain Arya Stans who had on them a stronger impression of the fanon/show version of Arya than of the actual canon version of Arya, but lmao none of them villainize Arya the way jonsas do. None of them villainize Arya for being the wild thing she is, for wanting to live as she wants, for not falling in line with Sansa's ideals. And I think you too have missed the point of my earlier post.

Arya is not just pretty girl. I wasn't screaming about people's inability to see Arya as such (as much as it frustrates me that they cling to the label of horseface that her bullies gave to her). My post was about people thinking Arya needs to be a prettiest girl in the whole of Westeros to have romance storyline, because they can't see a rebellious woman, a woman who has refused to bind herself in the narrow constructs of society ever wanting a family of her own. Ever wanting a lover whom she desires.

Also yeah there is this constant tussle, almost an obsession among your preferred faction to put Sansa at the highest pedestal when it comes to beauty and us even mentioning that: hey Arya is pretty as well sets them off in hilarious ways..

[helliontherapscallion]

Unexpected Encounters (Adrenaline Junkie Part 8)

Part 1     Part 2     Part 3     Part 4     Part 5     Part 6     Part 7     Part 9     Part 10     Part 11     Part 12     Part 13     Part 14     Part 15     Part 16     Part 17

Spotify Playlist (collaborative)

Warnings: minor swearing

Word count: 2,775

You walked down the now worn cobblestone path towards the main plaza of the village by Philza’s house. Whistling the first verse of the L’manberg national anthem, you wove slightly at the crowd of people gathered at the stands that littered the sides of the street. 

The village was much larger than the entire L’manberg nation. It had several different precincts with a large, diverse group of people and a few hybrids living there. It also had more amenities like shops, a library (which, to your delight, grew expansively to include more books on inventions, some being exclusively about yours. They were proud people that embraced whatever fame comes out of the area), and multiple towering office buildings.

Everything’s changed since you’ve last been here a year ago. What was now more modern used to be traditional. What was loosely populated was now bustling with people. What used to be barren was now chock full of shops and apartment complexes. It was kind of jarring to see this much change in a little over a year.

In retrospect, it was jarring how much you changed in a little over a year. The hallucinations have finally almost completely stopped along with the nightmares. They only came about once a week now. You were slowly reincorporating green back into your wardrobe. Your phantom pain has retreated into your subconscious. It was always going to be with you, so you got used to the constant pain and tingling feeling. You learned to appreciate the small things in life and just live in the moment so you would have something positive to look back on in the future.

You invented several different gadgets to help your brothers win the L’manberg War of Independence such as a portable TNT launcher, handheld long-distance communication devices (which you affectionately dubbed walkie talkies since you could walk and talk! Wilbur and Tommy were not as enthusiastic of the name as you were), and a redstone powered crossbow that continuously fired arrows until you released the trigger. Though all of your inventions were practically your babies, they did not come anywhere close to trumping your magnum opus: your metal fully functioning wing. 

After several mishaps and failed attempts, you finally made your wing correspond to the electrical impulses in your muscles so that it copied the movements of your flesh wing. It’s built out of a lightweight hollow iron and has feather shaped metal pieces protruding off from it to emulate your other wing. It was a sleek silver color that always caught a ray of sunshine and reflected it to another place. It was basically permanently attached to your body by now due to it being a pain to take on and off. It was just easier and more efficient to keep it on constantly. 

People around you stared, some in awe and some in admiration. A stark difference from when you first lost your wing. Sometimes, you resented them for treating you differently just because your name became more widely known, but you were always a firm believer that everyone deserves a second chance. Even attention seeking, unscrupulous assholes looking for cheap brownie points from their peers because ‘I knew them before they were discovered! I knew them personally, we were, like, really close!’ So for now, you tried to ignore the ugly indignation bubbling in your gut and threatening to spew out in a string of hurtful words. You were sick of being angry, especially now that L’manberg is at peace. 

You passed several people who pointed at you and whispered amongst themselves. Ignoring them, you continued onward with your head held high and your wings folded in tightly to avoid children grabbing and pulling them with their grubby little hands. It always took you a while to clean and preen them after people touched them. You hated cleaning off fingerprints and grime from the smooth metal.

Walking with a sense of purpose, you continued onwards passing multiple shops and stands until you finally reached the butcher. Opening the decorated glass door, a little bell chimed alerting the burly man behind the counter of your presence. Like the others, he stared wide-eyed at you with his lips slightly parted in shock. Great, another exhausting encounter. 

Putting on a polite smile, you broke the silence of the meat shop. “Hello, I’m here to buy half a pound of fresh ground beef. Would you by chance have any in stock?” That seemed to snap him out of his stupor.

“O-of course, I’ll get that for you right away.”

He disappeared into the backroom where frosty fog rolled out in tiny clouds. Maybe this wasn’t going to be so bad after all. Maybe he wouldn’t ask any questions or try to get to know you on a personal level.

He returned in a hurry, slapping the wrapped beef onto the counter and giving you a price. Reaching into your wallet for the cash, you paid him generously. “Keep the change.”

“I-thank you, Mx. Minecraft.”

Putting the beef into your satchel, you gave him a more genuine smile. “Don’t mention it.”

Briskly walking out, you made a beeline for the village’s main entrance. You couldn’t stand the feeling of constantly being watched and talked about anymore. Why couldn’t they treat you like a normal person? In your opinion, you were, well, you. Nothing was special about you.

As you were about to cross the threshold of the village, you heard footsteps behind you.

“HEY! MX. MINECRAFT I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.”

Stopping dead in your tracks, you closed your eyes and took a few steadying breaths so that you wouldn’t lash out at this person. You just wanted to go to your childhood home and have a nice, peaceful dinner with your dad. Was that too much to ask? 

Opening your eyes and plastering on a fake smile, you turned around and greeted him. He was a young boy, probably around eleven or twelve years old. His clothes and shaggy auburn hair were disheveled and he had dirt smeared on his face. “Hello, to whom may I owe the pleasure?”

He put his hands on his knees and tried to talk between gasping breaths. “Mx, my name’s Arthur Fox, i-it’s truly an honor to meet you. I’ve admired your work since before the war in L’manberg. You’re an amazing inventor and I wanna be just like you when I grow up. I- oooh I’m sorry, I’m rambling aren’t I?” He kind of reminded you of Tubbo in a strange way.

“No, you’re fine Arthur. Thank you for being a fan of my work, but I must get going. I have an important meeting to attend to.” You weren’t exactly lying to the young boy. Turning on your heel, you started to walk off only to feel a hand on your arm.

“Mx, I need to talk to you.”

“I really have to get going, Arthur. It was a pleasure to meet you.”

“No, it’s important.”

You struggled to keep the smile on your face as you shrugged his arm off as politely as you could. This kid is determined. Too determined. “So’s my meeting. I have to go.” You started to walk off into the beaten forest path.

“Do you know about The Warden?”

You halted abruptly and sharply turned around. You let your smile and polite stature drop into pursed lips and sharp eyes.

“...Of course I do. Everyone does.”

Flinching slightly, he quickly recovered his confident facade. “No, that’s not what I meant. Do you know about The Warden?”

“Like I said,” you played stupid, “everybody does. Who doesn’t?”

He puffed his cheeks out in frustration. “Ugh, how could someone so smart be so stupid at the same time? I mean you met it didn’t you? It took your wing.”

You took a step forward and narrowed your eyes, fully facing him now. “How do you know about that? Who told you?” 

He stepped back. “I-I heard rumors a couple of years back that it got someone. I heard your name thrown around here and there.”

You gave him enough of a warning that you didn’t want to talk, but he ignored it and now he has to reap the consequences. At this point, you were so tired and drained from everyone trying to be buddy-buddy with you that you finally snapped. The only thing you wanted was to go home, you did not need this right now. 

“Well, Arthur, you shouldn’t pry into other people’s business. I’ve told you time and time again that I have to leave, yet you persist to stop me. Why? And where are your parents, didn’t they teach you any manners?”

He looked downwards and fiddled with his fingers. “They’re dead. T-The Warden took someone important to me. I… I thought you might be able to help me.”

Shit, you just yelled at a grieving orphan. You were a massive asshole weren’t you? Your eyes softened slightly and you frowned. “...I’m sorry for your loss. Is there anything I could do to make it up to you? Dinner perhaps? We can talk about how I could help you afterwards.”

He glanced up at you. “But-but what about your meeting.”

You winced. “Uh, I’m moving it forward, we have more pressing matters.” You paused awkwardly. “Do… Do you have anybody to ask permission? Any siblings?”

His shoulders drooped. “...No. I’m all by myself.”

Shit, you yelled at a grieving homeless orphan? God what kind of role model were you? 

“C’mon, kid. We’re going to my house.” 

His wordlessly followed you and avoided looking into your eyes. The walk to your childhood home was very awkward, neither of you attempted starting conversation. You sighed.

“Look, Arthur I’m sorry for yelling at you like that. That was really uncalled for, I shouldn’t have yelled or gotten mad. It’s just that- The Warden’s a… touchy subject for me.”

“It’s alright, Mx. Minecraft. You can make it up to me by… making me dinner and showing me some of your blueprints?”

He looked up to you with hope filled, sparkling eyes. You snorted. “It’s a deal, kid. We’re almost there.” 

You could see the silhouette of the house in the nearly setting sun. It was still the same as when you left a year ago. 

“Ya know,” you sighed out, “this is actually my Dad’s house. I’m just visiting him for a couple of weeks.”

“Where do you live then?”

“I live in the heart of L’manberg with my brothers.”

“That’s cool…” He trailed off. You frowned, it seems that he was nervous to meet your Dad. You probably should’ve mentioned that Philza was there to him before taking him here.

You stopped, grabbing Arthur’s shoulders. “Kid, you don’t have to worry about meeting my dad. He’s probably the kindest, most genuine man I’ve ever met. He’ll welcome you with open arms, that’s what he did with me and my three brothers. He adopted us all.”

He gave you a small smile. “Alright, Mx. Minecraft, I trust you.”

“Oh, please don’t call me ‘Mx. Minecraft’, it makes me feel ancient,” you lolled your head back and dramatically groaned out, making him giggle. “I just turned twenty, buddy. Feel free to call me (y/n).”

 Putting your hand on his shoulder, you led him to the front door. You twisted the old door knob and pushed the wooden door open.

“Dad, I’m home and I brought the beef!”

He popped his head out from the kitchen, his messy blond hair flopping onto his face. He gave you a joking smile. “Took you long enough, any longer and I would’ve locked ya out.” 

You watched as his eyes wandered over to Arthur. He frowned, revealing his frilly pink apron that Wilbur got him as a joke. Oh, you could just hear the gears in his head churning.

“...(Y/n), who’s this?”

Grinning sheepishly, you replied. “Dad, this is Arthur Fox. Arthur, this is my dad Philza Minecraft. I promised him dinner and somewhere to stay for the night. Do you have some of Tommy’s old clothes Artie could borrow for the night?”

He sighed, shooting you a we’ll-talk-about-this-later look. “Yes, they’re in the attic. I’ll grab them after dinner so he could shower before going to bed.”

Arthur timidly spoke up. “Thank you, Mr. Minecraft.”

Your dad softened and gave him a gentle smile. “It’s no problem, Arthur. And please, call me Philza. Mr. Minecraft makes me feel old.”

Arthur let out a loud laugh. Despite everything he went through, his laugh still sounds like an innocent child’s laugh. You chuckled, kids always had a silly little laugh. Philza grinned at him, a child’s laughter was something that he missed.

Arthur wiped at his eyes as his laughter died down. “I’m sorry, (y/n) said the same outside.”

“I did,” you smiled lightly at Arthur before looking back at Philza with mischief, standing up straight and putting your hands on your hips. “But I was funnier.”

“Pft, you wish. I was saying that before you were even born. So, I win because I’ve been saying it longer.”

“Whatever ya say, old man. Funniness over age.”

He playfully glared at you, placing an offended hand over his heart. “I’m not that old.”

“Ya kinda are, Dad. You’re practically turning to dust!”

He gasped. “I am not!”

“Are too!”

“Am not!”

“Are too!”

“Are too!”

“Am no- wait Dad, that’s cheating!”

“You still said it though!” He sang out, grinning at you cheekily.

“No, that doesn’t count!”

Arthur’s amused brown eyes bounced between you and Philza like he was watching a tennis match. Every so often, he would giggle at something one of you said. You both took your banter to the kitchen where you and Philza started to cook. Dinner was done and the table was set in no time. There was pleasant small talk as dinner neared an end

Your dad swallowed his last bite of beef and turned his attention towards Arthur. “So Arthur, how old are you?”

Arthur gave a small grin. “I’m ten.”

“Do your paren-”

You loudly coughed, throwing a discreet glare at Philza. Mouthing ‘don’t’ from behind your hand, you took a big sip of your water and stood up. “I’ll wash all the dishes. Arthur, would you like to look at some of my blueprints while we wait for my Dad to get you some clothes?”

His eyes shined with excitement. “Yes please!”

You chuckled, putting the plates in the sink and walking down to your old workshop to grab one of the blueprints you left in a filing cabinet. You grabbed the first draft for your prosthetic and the final draft for the automatic farm.

Upstairs, you situated the blueprints in front of Arthur at the dinner table. “Okay buddy, learn to your heart’s content. I’m gonna do the dishes. If you need something just give me a shout.”

Walking into the kitchen, you filled the sink with warm soapy water and got started scrubbing. You moved your wings around subconsciously as you wiped the pots and plates clean of grease. Humming in satisfaction when you were done, you dried your hands and sat next to Arthur who was looking at your designs with complete awe. 

“You like them?”

He nodded his head so fast you thought it might fall off and started to fling questions at you. You smiled fondly at him, it was nice to see someone so interested in how your inventions were made and not just how they worked. 

You two were mid conversation when Philza walked into the room with a bundle of clothes in his arms. You grabbed Arthur’s hand and led him up to the bathroom. You bent down and rested your hands on your knees, looking at him.

“Alright buddy, everything you need is in there, clean towels are in the closet. When you’re done, I’ll be in my room just over there,” you pointed to your door. “Last door on the left. I can show you where you’ll be sleeping for the night when you’re done. Does that sound okay?”

He gave you a gap-toothed smile. “Yes, thank you (y/n)! You’re the best!”

He closed the bathroom door and you stood there. You felt… oddly fond for the boy you just met only hours before. 

Philza cleared his throat and pinned you to the wall with a stern look. “(Y/n), explain now.”

“I will, but let’s talk in my room so Arthur can shower in peace. Poor boy needs it.”

He sighed and walked into your room. You had a long talk ahead of you.

(A/N): so, how do you guys like Arthur?

Taglist (comment if you want to be added):

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[iheartbookbran]

Ok so actually my biggest problem with the whole “Daenerys will burn KL” theory—not even the Mad Queen Dany theory, which is of course very sexist for obvious reasons, but just like, the idea that Dany will ~accidentally~ ignite the wildfire in the city, burning it all to the ground. That, at first, doesn’t sound that bad, but the longer I think about it the more I hate it because tbh it doesn’t do anything for her character? And also… that fate for her is just down right cruel.

Like, the most frequent argument I see on why this would be at all satisfactory for Dany’s arc is basically that it would be a sort of lesson for her about the dangers of unchecked power and the real threat the Dragons can pose on humans and that she shouldn’t use them to fight against other people. And that’s all well and good, excellent message… except that’s not something Dany’s ever really needed to learn? Not anymore that her fellow rulers, which I will touch on more detail later, but in general Dany has seen what the abuse of power can do. Starting with her conflicting feelings regarding Viserys and how she recognizes that even though he was her brother and she loved him, he also abused his power over her as her older brother, her only family and her king; she feels guilt about the atrocities Drogo committed to the lhazarene and tries to help them; she feels so much guilt about not handling things correctly in Astapor that she decides to throw away all her plans to go to Westeros and instead stays in Meereen.

And about not knowing the true danger that her dragons can pose? I mean, this is the same girl that literally agonizes across several of her ADWD chapters because Drogon killed a child, and then takes the extreme measure of caging Rhaegal and Viserion to prevent that from ever happening again. I think she’s at least a little bit aware that the dragons can be dangerous, thank you very much.

Ok so this got long...

Anyways, the only time Dany legit uses Drogon to harm someone and not just as bluff was at the house of the Undying, where she was being attacked, and in Astapor… and like, lmao, that asshole Kraznys mo Nakloz and the rest of his slaver buddies deserved it. Don’t at me. Also, Dany’s hardly the only one with a big magical and deadly beast at her disposal, why didn’t Robb had to go through some horrifying traumatic incident to learn he shouldn’t use Grey Wind in battle to tear his enemies’ throats. Bran will be learning about the dangers of abusing power, but that’s linked to his magic powers and an actual reprehensible thing he’s doing, not the use of his glorified prehistoric dog to kill, which he’s done, just like Robb. By all means let the narrative hold Dany accountable for her mistakes… but her actual mistakes and not shit she has no control over, because she doesn’t have much control over Drogon or the other dragons even though she’s trying to, and that’s very obvious in her last ADWD chapter where she’s delirious and Drogon could kill her at any moment, and she knows that.

The other big argument people make for Dany burning KL (even if it’s by accident!) is that it will teach her about the price of war, that someone as young as her shouldn’t be leading armies and conquering kingdoms, and that fighting for the Iron Throne is not a worthy cause, and I feel like that misses the actual point of her story by a mile. First of all because a) Dany is hardly the only teenage ruler in the story and b) this is a fantasy medieval story, a lot of the characters shouldn’t be doing the things they do, aaaand yet. Also speaking of other teenage rulers with far more power that they should have—Robb and Jon, being the biggest examples.

Granted, Robb and Jon aren’t exactly successful during their time as rulers, they’re literally betrayed and killed by their own men (even if Jon will technically come back for round 2 of bullshit he’s too tired for). But the moral of their stories is not that they lost because theirs was an unworthy cause and they were stupid kids wholly unprepared for their roles. And I actually partially agree! They are just kids, including Dany, and they shouldn’t be responsible for looking after so many others and going to battle, but their cause is still just and worthy, even with all the mistakes they make along the way. Robb didn’t loose because he was wrong in demanding justice for his family or trying to protect the riverlands from the Lannisters and their minions, he lost because Tywin Lannister was a giant coward who couldn’t take him out in a fair fight.

Likewise, it isn’t wrong of Jon to try to incorporate refugees from beyond the Wall into Westeros. He’s not too stupid and honorable to do politics like his father (how I hate when people insult Jon and Ned like that), and while he did some very obvious mistakes that inevitably ended in a coup and in him dying, this is more connected to his inability to let go of his ties with his family (mainly Arya or who he believes to be her), and in isolating himself from his friends and the people he could actually trust.

I’ve always thought that Dany and Jon share a parallel narrative within the story, so while Jon is struggling with that Dany is faced with similar problems. She cages her dragons, that to her represent the only family she has left, and she tries to compromise with the slavers, marry a man she doesn’t love, pretend she’s ok with reopening the fighting pit. While she tries her best to rule wisely in Meereen, it all comes at the cost of betraying herself and her beliefs, so it’s no surprise when it all crashes around her and she’s betrayed and nearly killed. Ironically, it is Drogon who comes to rescue her.

If they are monsters, so am I.—Daenerys II, ADWD.

This is hands down one of my favorite Dany quotes from the whole series, and I hate that it’s been given such a negative connotation in the fandom, when for me it represents Dany’s humanity and compassion at the fullest.

GRRM has a knack for humanizing the ‘monsters’ of his story, for showing the good in the outcasts and the ugly and the scary. He embraces their ‘otherness’ and makes them the heroes of his stories; Arya, Bran, Brienne, Dany, Tyrion, Jon, Theon and many others are all compared to monsters or beasts at one point or another in the books.

Dany sees herself in her dragons, literal monsters in every sense of the word. Later on she faces Drogon inside the pit, and in that moment you could say that she accepts that ‘monstrous’ part of her, and in doing so she’s saved from her fate of dying at the hands of the men who would crucify innocent children and gleefully profit off of the suffering of their fellow human beings while watching them fight each other to the death for their own amusement. Now tell me who’s the real monster in this situation.

But shortly before that happens, Dany is able to see the humanity in Tyrion, an outcast who has been branded as monstrous and unlovable due to his disability all his life, a man who has come to believe in his abusers’ rhetoric about him so strongly that he’s started to act cruel and detached. She saves his life. She sees value in his life when few others would, because she cares.

I’ve always find it funny that the “dragons plant no trees” is—another—example fans use to argue in favor of Dany’s descent into Darkness™ because the actual scene goes like this:

You are a queen, her bear said. In Westeros.

"It is such a long way," she complained. "I was tired, Jorah. I was weary of war. I wanted to rest, to laugh, to plant trees and see them grow. I am only a young girl."

No. You are the blood of the dragon. The whispering was growing fainter, as if Ser Jorah were falling farther behind. Dragons plant no trees. Remember that. Remember who you are, what you were made to be. Remember your words.—Daenerys X, ADWD.

Now am I the only one who finds it at least a bit relevant that it’s freaking Jorah Mormont aka Jorah the Enslaver whom Dany’s subconscious, at her literal lowest moment, utilizes to represent this particular thought, which btw I’ve always interpreted as Dany’s own self-loathing manifesting in her, and this is something she’s actually always struggled with—the idea that she’s not enough and she’s failing. Because above all things, even Westeros or the Iron Throne, what Dany wants is peace, she wants to plant trees.

When Dany made her descent, Reznak and Skahaz dropped to their knees. "Your Worship shines so brightly, you will blind every man who dares to look upon you," said Reznak. […] This match will save our city, you will see."

"So we pray. I want to plant my olive trees and see them fruit." Does it matter that Hizdahr's kisses do not please me? Peace will please me. Am I a queen or just a woman?—Daenerys VII, ADWD.

But of course the world doesn’t work like that, and so long as there’s Jorahs and Tywins and Eurons out there, men who would take the freedom of humans and submit them to their will, Dany can’t have the luxury of peace, just like Jon can’t have the luxury of belonging and family so long as there’s people still beyond the Wall who need his protection.

And I think that’s fine. It’s fine that Dany failed, it will help her develop as a character and realize that there’s no room to compromise with slavers, the metaphorical monsters of the story who do far more harm than the other more literal ‘monsters’ of the story. So that when she has to face down Euron Greyjoy—who btw, there’s a high chance he will end up stealing one of Dany’s dragons via Victarion using Dragonbinder… y’know, as in enslaving one of her children and using said dragon to inflict god knows what horrors, yet not many people ever consider this for some reason?—she will know. When she has to face down the Others, the magical ice fairies with no regard for human life, she will know.

That’s why I believe that it would make absolutely no sense for Dany to have to go through such a tragic and traumatic experience like burning a whole city even by pure accident, over something that’s either never been a problem with her character or she’s well into her way of learning anyways, so it would just feel repetitive. As I have pointed out, she’s already reached one of the lowest moments of her arc. Not saying there will be no other blows for her, and probably the destruction of KL will be one of them, and knowing Dany she will feel responsibility over it no matter what, but that doesn’t mean she has to be the culprit, intentional or otherwise.

[falsegoodnight]

a new header??? it matches better <3 these are the fics I read or reread and enjoyed this month! like last time, i’m separating it into different sections: main list, wips, and non-1d. rereads will be included in the main list and marked with a star (*). 

*note: this list encompasses the fics i’ve read from the 1st to the 28th only

—

main list ~

✰ Don’t Wait Up by reliablyimperfect | NR | 1k

Without Harry’s warmth next to him, he felt the chill of the air creep over his skin. He tugged the blanket down from where Harry kept one draped over the back of the couch for him, grateful. With the blanket, he instantly felt warmer, but it backfired when his eyes began to droop again. Trying to keep his eyes open was impossible, and he was consciously aware of how long his blinks were becoming. They stay closed longer and longer until, eventually, they didn’t open again.

so soft and sweet and lovely! made my heart feel so warm <3 will return to this for some quick comfort in the future!

✰ my ugly mouth kept running by @hadestyles | E | 4k

Sometimes second chances are more important than the first.

rori’s lush writing + abo + exes to lovers = absolute perfection. my fic cameo gives it a bonus too :’) definitely one of my rori favs 

✰ i’ve loved you three summers now honey, i want them all by @softloubabie | M | 4k

The restaurant was small and bright, soft colors filled the walls and tables and fairy lights hung from everywhere. From what Harry had read, the food wasn’t overly expensive but it was still comparable to what you would get at one of the more expensive places. If Harry could he would take Louis to the biggest most expensive and extravagant restaurants to do what he planned to tonight, but this would do.

After being led to their table Harry nervously tapped his jacket pocket, sighing in relief when he felt the small box still there. Tonight was the night. He couldn’t wait till it was time to surprise Louis with all the gifts he got for him. Then finally the big surprise.

so cute and sweet! their kids were so adorable and the proposal so lovely!! they love each other so much <3

✰ love me in between the future and the past by navigator & quitter | E | 11k

Harry's scared of history repeating itself.

this honestly hurt to read but in such a raw and emotional way?? was mad at harry and then sad for him :( this writer duo’s fics never fail to amaze me!

✰ sunshine on my mind by @raspberryoatss | E | 13k

Louis visits Harry in Portland

this was so sweet and lovely! the perfect addition to this wonderful universe! pip’s characterizations and fluff never fails to make my heart feel warm <3

✰ rapture in the dark by @stylinsonsupporter | T | 13k

Harry Styles is a breakout musician who has shed his boyband label in favor of embracing his inner brooding rockstar. His PR team think that his rebrand is the perfect time for Harry to come out of the closet and have devised the perfect plan for doing so. Enter Louis Tomlinson, up and coming (and very openly homosexual) model whose public image as America's Sweetheart is the perfect foil for Harry's new edge. From a PR standpoint, it's a dream come true - a power couple that can slowly coax the public into accepting Harry's altered image. The only problem? They hate each other.

always love a good fake dating au and this is no exception! and model louis >> really enjoyed this!

✰ Maybe, Baby* by thoughtsickles | M | 16k | mpreg

It all feels too easy, too good to be true. It all feels like a scene from Louis' daydreams, the kind of life he'd always imagined he'd have when he was younger and bored at his momma's work, sneaking around the hallways of the maternity ward until the nurses let him in to hold the babies. He'd felt so important being allowed to touch them. He'd told them stories of the lives they were going to have, houses with nice wallpaper that wasn't peeling, yards filled with sunshine and flowers and grass that never went yellow. A hammock to nap in, cuddled up with his husband.

You can't stay here, he tells himself, but Baby doesn't want to listen.

have reread this one quite a bit of times now and it still makes me so happy <3 this Louis and Harry deserve the world <333

✰ Let Me Inside by reliablyimperfect | E | 18k

Louis is Harry’s boss, but Harry is the boss of Louis. 

loved this one! really enjoyed the balance between h&l and how they maintained their dynamic in subtle ways outside of the bedroom while also keeping it separate. very much enjoyed the jealousy as well <3

✰ a scintilla of predilection by @dehydratedpoolfics | T | 20k

There, in the far back of the room, next to the only available seat left, is none other than Harry Styles. Harry, who grew up next door to him, who knew all his secrets as a child and played FIFA with him on Saturday mornings after he would spend the night Friday evenings every week, whose curly hair would tickle his nose as they held each other during bitter cold nights that made his room glow a haunting blue.

love ex-childhood friends with misunderstandings!! louis was so cute and i loved his poetry <3 harry too was so stupid but so smitten and lovely :’) really enjoyed this!

✰ Keeping The Flame Alive by @crazyupsetter​ | E | 20k

Recording with One Direction never felt like this. There’s a couple reasons for that, Harry thinks. One is that they did most of their recording on the road, rushed and in busses and hotel rooms, never in one place long enough to really get an argument going. The other, larger and more important one, is that back then he had the sweetest, meanest little omega around to distract him from all of that frustration.

The first time around, when he’d been recording his debut solo album, it hit him pretty hard. He likes to think he’s better adjusted to it now, but frustration is warring under his skin nonetheless. He doesn’t want to be told what to do most of the time, and he especially doesn’t want to be told what to do when it comes to his music.

What he does want right now is that sweet, mean little omega right in front of him with his mouth on Harry’s cock. Unfortunately, the best he’s got is his own hand and a shared toilet. So. That’s really not going to work.

✰ like it’s a game* by @soldouthaz | E | 32k

There is little Harry hates more than truth or dare.

And Louis.

queen of enemies to lovers! it’s been a while since i’ve reread this but too absolutely no surprise, it’s just as amazing as always <3 sarah never misses!

✰ Too Young To Know by @2tiedships2 | M | 35k

Harry doesn’t present as an alpha… until he does.

really enjoyed this as per usual! exes to lovers is my jam and the added angst of Louis dating someone else at the beginning... love <3

✰ Some Things Take Root* by  navigator & quitter | E | 50k

Louis' ex doesn't get jealous of anyone besides Harry. Harry helps Louis use that to his advantage.

stumbled upon this randomly and decided to reread on a whim... ended up staying up to read it in one sitting! so good!

✰ Safe and Sound (You’ll Always Be) by @all-these-larrythings | E | 58k

When a failed case and a guilty conscience leaves Harry more than a little lost, his boss presents him with a new, less taxing assignment to help him cope. An escape from all the madness is just what Harry needs to get his life back on track. It's just too bad his new client has a grin like the devil, a pair of electric eyes that Harry simply can't get over, and no intention whatsoever of letting him catch a break.

i don’t know how i’ve never read this before??? it was absolutely amazing though! perfect blend of humor and fluff and tension and angst <3

✰ Mind Over Matter (You Under Me) by @youreyesonlarry | E | 74k

It’s dark outside when Harry finishes practice for the day. 

the slow burn in this fic killed me - which is to say, it was perfect! loved how they progressed from working together to being friends to something more and how much they genuinely cared for each other! the hockey was so fun too!

✰ Call Out My Name by frenchkiss | E | 102k

Apparently, it's bad PR to fall in love with the omega you hired to help you through your rut.

Harry Styles begs to differ.

ellen truly knocked it out of the park with this one!! had everything i could ever want: abo, famous/non-famous, fluff, humor, angst, drama, and more! i loved it from beginning to end!

wips ~

✰ ‘cause all our tomorrows lead the way by @loubellies | E | 64k | 7/11

So maybe Louis’ in over his head.

He had signed up for the Bachelor on a whim after his second bottle of wine and well, here he is. He’s just been announced as the twenty-sixth Bachelor and his ass is sweating. Like, literally sweating. He’s positive that if he was to turn around, the entirety of Bachelor Nation would get a nice peek of his ass sweat.

am thoroughly enjoying each chapter!! it’s been a wild ride so far and although things are currently calm, i am still on edge!! but i trust mar with my life <3

✰ Truth Behind Golden Eyes by @lwtisloved | E | 83k | 8/16 

Louis is a royal servant born with magic in a kingdom where his sole existence is outlawed with a war he has no idea he has a part in upon him. Harry is the prince on whom the burden of mending a broken kingdom falls upon and he might be willing to risk it all for a simple servant if only he admitted it to himself.

caught up last night! still really enjoying every chapter and can’t wait to see what happens next!! things are *happening* with h&l and answers are being given!! (love the jealousy too!)

non-1d ~

✰ Keep Me Close (I Need Your Faith) by @princelouisau | E | 23k

Somewhere along the way he had fallen in love and in doing so, had broken the one rule he knew he couldn’t come back from. As quickly as he realised, he decided that he must never dare speak it. He resigned himself to loving Draco in silence.

first foray into reading drarry... and, to no one’s surprise, i loved it! beautiful writing as always and beautiful atmosphere! it’s really not a shock that i fell for these characters and their story when danielle is behind it <3 it had me entranced from beginning to end!!

finally, i myself actually posted a fic this month:

my fics ~

✰ yesterday came suddenly by me | E | 49k | mpreg 

Harry the deadliest member of the NYC assassins’ guild, is forced to face a seemingly impossible task in hopes of finally leaving the underground behind for good, but when ghosts from the past come back to haunt him, escaping the darkness becomes that much harder.

If you read any of these beautiful works of art, remember to leave kudos and comment to show your appreciation!

*if i made any errors, please let me know :)

enjoy!