#stupid piss podcast making me emotional

[citrinegay]

Anthony wanting to end the season with the doodler waving goodbye one last time at a distance. Somber but bittersweet. And then the gang going NO and pulling him in for a dance and the season ending in laughs. Defying the rules of the universe for one last dance. Refusing to let him be left out. After the Doodler spent the show for the most part on the fringes of the story. Wanting human connection but due to Doods nature anytime they tried to reach out they just hurt people. And now the teens are there, all grown up and they’re reaching out for them.

[adamsmasher]

Okay it's after 1am and I've had a lot of wine so obviously it's time for a late night wall-of-text post, but this time it's less likely to piss off your weird uncle or whatever because once again, I gotta talk about the best $4.99 a month I've ever spent.

Please, if you haven't yet, I'm begging you to look into all of the incredible content available on the Dropout.tv streaming service (formerly known as College Humor) . Not only did Whose Line Is It Anyway's Wayne Brady say that the Dropout crew are the only ones doing improv comedy on the same level as Whose Line, but they were also one of the only studios/streaming services allowed to work during the writers' strike because their contracts went above and beyond industry standards. (And, from my own observations, Dropout LOVES hiring queer, trans/nonbinary, and BIPOC performers + crew. Obviously I don't know much about the industry, but they seem like one of the most inclusive companies in Hollywood.)

"Alex, thanks for the recommendation! What shows do they have that you think I'll like?" Oh, you're asking me to gush about my favorite tv shows? Don't mind if I do!!!

Are you D&D curious, but took one look at actual play shows like Critical Role and thought "6 hours an episode? and there's like 750 episodes or whatever? oh baby not my adhd ass..." Don't worry, me too (sorry CR I love you I promise). But Dropout has a show called "Dimension 20" where comedians play Dungeons and Dragons with emotional, immersive storytelling, gut-busting laughs, and spectacular set design that makes you forget it's a fully improvised series controlled by the roll of the dice. They even did a miniseries perfect for D&D beginners called "Dungeons and Drag Queens" where absolute novices and Drag Race royalty Jujubee, Monet X Change, Alaska Thunderfuck, and Bob the Drag Queen embark on an adventure full of mystery, intrigue, and stupidity. I mean, Alaska plays a muscle-bound, axe-wielding, caveman-grunting Orc named Princess, what more could you want? Plus, the primary game master Brennan Lee Mulligan is so easy on the eyes. Oh, you're not into dorky ginger dudes? How about Aabria Iyengar, a 6 foot tall goddess who's equally as nerdy as Brennan but loves basketball. that's right, if nothing else, there's eye candy for every person in every season.

"Oh, why aren't there any good game shows on TV?" you wonder, wishing that the Game Show Network could come up with something that isn't a lame remake of a free-to-play phone game. Well how about Game Changer, "the only game show where the game changes every show (except for [...] Game of Games, Taskmaster, and a few others that have come to light AFTER [Game Changer first aired]. That's right, [the] players have no idea what game it is they're about to play. The only way to learn is by playing, the only way to win is by learning, and the only way to begin is by beginning." And yes, I did sit there and watch the beginning of an episode to make sure I was accurately quoting Game Changer host (and Dropout CEO) Sam Reich's description of his flaghship game show that has THREE separate spin-offs. (for context, he only mentions the other shows that copied his in the one episode I pulled up to get an accurate quote. could you imagine how uncomfortable it would be if he said that every episode? hah!)

Are you more of a traditional Whose Line fan? Look no further than Game Changer spin-off Make Some Noise, where contestants act out "improvisational prompts that [they have] never seen before, isn't that right contestants?" ("We won't know if we've seen them before or not until we see them!" Brennan insists every time he's on...)

You like musicals but wish they were less... ya know, scripted? Check out "Play It By Ear", a fully improvised musical! (you may be familiar with its primary cast members Jess McKenna and Zach Reino from the podcast that inspired it all, "Off Book: the Improvised Musical Podcast with Zach and Jess")

Or maybe you're more into trivia, cuz you're a total nerd like me (and every single performer that's ever appeared on dropout.tv). How about "Umm, Actually" where contestants are given an incorrect statement and have to buzz in to correct it - but you have to say "Umm, Actually" first!

Straight up, you can't go wrong on Dropout. Please, check it out. They're nearly doubling the amount of original shows they have in 2024, and no other streaming service is doing it like them. If I haven't convinced you yet, get the 7 day trial and give em a chance. There's no referral code I can give you that gives me some sort of kickback or whatever, I genuinely wrote what looks like a thousand word essay about Dropout at 1am just because I love them so much.

[dbldipper]

i was only joking, dipper. it ignited a sort of heat in his chest that was making his own skin feel too snug against his body, fire ants crawling beneath its surface and making every part of him burn as he let out yet another laugh, this one a bit more harsh as he nodded his head; ❛ you know what... it's fine, pacifica, i get it. ❜ perhaps a wee bit theatrical of him but ... he felt foolish, for thinking they were getting somewhere with whatever this friendship was and whatever stones they had finally turned over after their argument in the diner. usually, pacifica's bites at his ego didn't deflate him this much, but the subject of dating was a tender one for him — hell, he stammered through an entire podcast episode with zane regarding love but he had to do RESEARCH on it to even know what the fuck to talk about. there was more he wanted to say to her, venom clinging to the tip of his tongue and threatening to pierce through the sturdy wall of teeth keeping it contained; QUIET. dipper gently tugged on cypher's leash to catch his attention, the pup having gotten comfortable on the concrete of the sidewalk, tongue lulled lazily between parted jowels as pants had turned into more of a refined pattern of inhales and exhales. the dog scrambled to his feet, trotting delightedly over to dipper as paws tapped with anticipation for their walk to continue.

❛ well, i'm sure in your experience you know all about smooth talking, so you'll have to give me a crash course sometime, ❜ the words weren't meant to be as targeted as they came out sounding, but dipper didn't care. it was fucking stupid of him to think that he and pacifica would ever find a way to coexist without one of them, even unknowingly, pissing the other off. maybe he had fallen blind from the veil of false hope that came down on him the other night, and perhaps he was doing what he always did and overanalyzing a situation further than necessary, but he was too irritated to try and work through his emotions right now. ❛ — have a good rest of your shift, paz. ❜ not in the mood to even wait for a response, dipper then clicked his tongue at cypher and picked up an immediate jog, one that quickly turned into a heavy-footed run. cypher delighted caught up to his speed in a blissful ignorance as to why he was getting to run again, just happy to be doing it.

at least someone enjoyed dipper's company.

"Well, if you haven't been using a muscle, isn't it supposed to hurt when you start?" She'd definitely heard that before and there was a joke in there but she didn't get there fast enough. Pacifica wasn't sure if a gym bro version of Mabel was a good or a bad thing...she just knew it was an acquired taste. One that she was still getting used to herself but she couldn't deny that having Mabel as a friend hadn't made all the difference in the world when it came to standing up to her parents. It had taken her a long time to accept that, to even see that, but she finally had. Unfortunately, she was still working on finding someone's insecurities and not using it against them - even as a joke. She could tell that she'd gone too far almost immediately, his tone changing quickly and she wanted to take it back but he kept talking and then frowning...like he was disappointed in her. But she was just being herself. She was just - breathing out shortly, the blonde rolled her eyes, trying to play the whole thing off. "It - I was only joking, Dipper, come on. You're not like the smoothest guy out there, you never have been." They all knew that, right? It wasn't like some deep secret that Dipper hadn't exactly been successful in his romantic endeavors. Was she not allowed to make a joke about it?

[idw-sonic-fan-blog]

The Mandates

Just wanted to share my thoughts on the pro-ported mandates because they cast a shadow on this comic.

“Game characters cannot have relatives unless they were estabilished in the game canon, i.e. Cream and her mother.”

This one is understandable and you can blame Penders for this. Mind you that most licensed comics of gaming franchises don’t actually delve too much in personal family relationships or expand on them. So this is expected and honestly Sega should have put the screws on Archie decades ago about this.

“Game characters can not die. There are workarounds for this, such as being Mistaken for Dying or "Mistaken For Dead”

Again. Yes. Not a big deal.

“Game characters cannot have wardrobe changes unless approved. Chao Races and Badnik Bases has some characters (mainly the female game characters) wear different clothes for extreme conditions. Male characters remain the same.”

This is a useless rule but whatever. I mean Sega, you are the ones putting bad wardrobe choices on the characters so again it’s whatever.

“Sonic can't be shown getting too emotional (i.e;cry)”

This is one that it complained about because it really wouldn’t matter unless it is called attention to. A lot of superheroes don’t cry. But that doesn’t prohibit them from expressing themselves. IDW Sonic has been sad. He has been pissed. He has been furious.

Is this not too emotional?

Is he not expressing himself appropriately?

I don’t even know why this is brought up. When in this comic has Sonic not been expressive or displaying the appropriate amount of emotion? When did Sonic needing to cry be necessary?

“Game characters cannot enter in a relationship.”

Oh GOD YES. Don’t threaten me with a good time.

“All major Character Development must be approved by SEGA.”

Yeah, of course. Let me remind you that Penders and Archie ruined any strand of trust Sega could have in comic media. They played loose at first and all of the sudden, they are involved in a lawsuit about characters in a Sonic comic that they didn’t even know about. They probably lost a video game business relationship because of it. If they want to be involved in the comics, fine. That means that they are now forced to World Build. They have to invest in it now and not just be like Lucas Films and let anybody do anything with their flagship title.

“Much like the post-reboot of the Archie comic, the words "Mobius" is banned—the planet is simply called "Sonic's World". Unlike the Post-Boot, which allowed the names "Mobian" and "Mobini", anything related to Mobius is banned in this comic.”

…Of course but how about you throw the writer’s a bone and I don’t know, name the fucking planet. If it is not Earth, give it a name.

“Sonic must always win at the end. Even if he and his friends are at the losing end in an overarching story (the Metal Virus arc, for example), they must come out on top when it concludes.”

I don’t even get this rule and the knee jerk hatred for it. Why even have it? Why even share the existence of this rule? Archie Sonic didn’t really lose too bad. It’s more on how you frame a victory. The fact of the matter is that Eggman is still actively trying to conquer the planet. Sonic stops him but Eggman still has control of land and has military installations all over.

This rule is offset by this. While Sonic can’t lose, Sonic can’t completely win.

“Characters and material from other licensed properties (Sonic the Comic, Sonic the Hedgehog (Archie Comics), Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Sonic the Hedgehog (SatAM)', Sonic Underground, the OVA, Sonic X and the Paramount films cannot be used. This rule extends to characters and redesigns done by the current writers. The only exception is Sticks from Sonic Boom, and that's because she was created by SEGA themselves and showed up in non-Boom media, but any ideas regarding her use still need to be okayed by SEGA.”

First off I am glad that Sticks was spared by this rule and I look forward to her eventual inclusion. Second, again, this is not much of a big deal as it was expected. Sorry Freedom Fighter fans but honestly deal.

“Male characters, sans Eggman, can't wear pants, which was also a thing in the Post-Reboot, albeit never explicitly stated. The inverse is also true; female characters have to have some form of lower clothing.”

Okay this is a pedantic rule. It is so weird with how precise it is. Like…huh?

“Classic characters such as Mighty, Ray, Nack/Fang, Bean, and Bark won't appear in non-Classic issues, as Sega doesn't want Classic and Modern Sonic to mix.”

One of the most bullshit mandates fueled by the nostalgia boner fans created. Like this is stupid because Archie Modern Sonic has added more character and depth to all of these mentioned characters than any of the Sega Sonic games they appeared in which only amounts to 1 or 2 at most. Why neuter your own potential stories with this stupid limitation?

“According to Ian Flynn, a specific incident involving Shadow's characterization when he's exposed to the Zombot infection was written in a specific way because of Sega mandating that he be written as an "overconfident asshole rival" character, similar to Vegeta. He later followed up with an explanation that out of every character, Shadow has the most mandates and notes attached to how he's portrayed. According to the podcast, Sega says that Team Dark is no longer a thing. The three members are not a team and they have never worked for G.U.N.; Shadow also doesn't even consider them friends.”

This is my opinion is the worst rule. First it’s contradictory to the character Sega introduced us to. Stop trying to be like Dragon Ball for once and actually be your own thing. It’s one thing if we are changing it because Shadow was unpopular because of his personality. But no one likes this Shadow. People miss the somber but reserved Hedgehog that continued to fight in spite of the world betraying him. Hothead Shadow is a cheap Knuckles. And I don’t even understand why Shadow even has so many mandates when he wasn’t the most egregious offender. Knuckles was.

Also, Team Dark aren’t a thing and Shadow doesn’t even consider them to be his friends. First off that doesn’t even fly in your own games. Who outside of Sonic does Shadow interact the most? Rouge. They have teamed up and were a packaged duo since their inception. When Shadow appeared, Rouge appeared right next to him. If Rouge was in a game, so was Shadow.

Team Dark or just Rouge has fought alongside Shadow in every game they appeared in. Who else does Shadow talk to if not Rouge?

“Sega has stated to Flynn that only male hedgehogs are allowed to go Super with the Chaos Emeralds.”

Except in Sonic Mania.

“Ian isn't allowed to directly reference a game, since the comic is supposed to be its own thing.”

Okay. Not only is this rule stupid. But it’s untrue.

This references the end of Sonic Forces.

The first page of comic.

It has referenced Sonic Adventure, SA2, Sonic Generations , and Sonic Unleashed.

This referencing Shadow the Hedgehog.

I don’t believe this rule exists and even if it did, it is dumbest rule since the whole point of this comic is to base it off the games more. The dumbest rule.

“Knuckles is not allowed to leave Angel Island unless he has a very good reason to.”

For decades, people have complained that Knuckles routinely leaves the island. For decades. Now does this mean Sega is going to 1. Use Knuckles and 2. Amplify the importance of Angel Island and the Master Emerald? No. Again, this criticism should be levied at Sega because they often conveniently forget Knuckles purpose and just hand wave it instead of giving Knuckles more to do on the island like I don’t know, have other entities invested in attacking him.

In summary, here is what I think is going on. Do I think most of these mandates are real? Yes. Given what happened to Archie, I do think Sega is doing some brand alignment. I think they got the clamps on.

But what I think is going on is a Japanese cultural thing called Power Harassment. It is normalized abuse of power. Sega of Japan is normally laxxed about their brands. They don’t mind blatant rip-offs of their mascot nor do they get stiff about fandom creations or mods. The comic division, however, is getting tough love because not only did it cost them a publishing deal, but ruined a relationship with a high end developer. So the IDW writers and staff are being subjected to intentionally hypocritical rules and strict mandates that they know don’t make sense until they’ve shown to be obedient.

A lot of the mandates aren’t strict. But some are so asinine that I don’t think they aren’t aware with how stupid they sound imposing those rules. Like Shadow is the most narratively complete Sonic character and yet, Sega puts this tight mandate as if Archie Shadow was the most egregious thing. Archie Shadow was overpowered. He wasn’t out of character like Sonic, Knuckles, and Tails were. They can’t be that stupid or be that intentionally dense. So they want to see if the writing crew can follow orders. That’s it.

But that’s just my take.

[writing-for-me-at-this-point]

ii. Fun Facts About The Cast | Actor Au | Obey Me

Request: Its not, I love this AU tho

Word Count: 2303 words

Page Count: 6.5 pages

A.N. Hope you guys all like this! Fun facts about the cast lmao

[ Actor AU Masterlist ]

Fun Facts

Benjamin ( Lucifer )

- Is the dad of the cast.

- In any scenes with Dmitri ( Luke ), he makes sure to know if he is alright, and often will stop scenes to ask.

- He also is an overall joker, so he has trouble filming most of his scenes, will often start laughing in the middle of filming and can break character the easiest.

- Best with kids overall, probably due to having his own, keeps their lives private tho.

- His hair was white for a past show, but the directors liked the look, so that's why he has white tips.

- One of the few male characters who cannot do those diets to accentuate his abs- so that's why his character is always covered up.

- He's in shape! But, he likes the fat that protects his muscle, he says he needs to stay soft to hug his kids.

- Known diabetic, so there's a table full of foods so his sugars are stable, the cast has glucagon shots all over the sets to be safe.

- Is in his early thirties, but people say he can pull off early twenties- he just snorts at this.

Avery ( Mammon ) 

- Takes the job seriously, and his scenes are easiest to film.

- Dark humor and often is the "Lucifer" of the cast.

- Seeing him switch from Avery to Mammon leaves the rest of the cast and crew fucking s h o o k.

- Will always be seen looking his finest.

- No, no one has seen him in public in sweatpants or anything like that. His image is very serious.

- Is a sweetheart when with the rest of the cast tho.

- His eyes are actually that blue.

- No one is sure if his hair is actually white or not, the way he speaks about it is vague, and fans are always theorizing.

- Watching over Benji ( Lucifer ), and is usually the one to tell him to check his sugars, since the other is quite forgetful.

- Is an immigrant from Turkey, so he has an accent, makes people thirst for him more.

- Helps aspiring actors and directors get into the field, and goes on hard work and talent, not who tries to pay him off.

Jackson ( Leviathan )

- Is the resident fuckboi.

- Always with males and females hanging off him, at this point the pop gave up, no- they aren't his partner.

- Flexes a shit ton.

- Wearing chains, a Rolex, and anything designer.

- Donates half of his salary to ocean reserves and protection funds, he has the money for it, and the show pays him well.

- Always at the beach, or near lake houses and shit, the one ( 1 ) thing he likes about his character.

- Hates the fringe he wears with a passion.

- His hair is actually a light shade of brown, his eyes are a darker shade, but still pretty light.

- First generation, his parents are Korean, so you can pick up hints of their accent in his speech patterns. Gets heavy when he's sleepy. 

Ross ( Satan )

- Is a stoner.

- Goes on Instagram lives with either MC and gets high, talking about the dumbest shit or he's alone in his room and his cats join in.

- "So, if you think about- oH MY GOD PRINCESS. YES, COME TO DADDY."

- Has a kitten curled up on him, purrs loud as hell because mf is so warm, and the lives turn into purring ASMR sessions.

- Into self care, has a line of vitamins, face masks, and everything you can think of.

- Calls his fans his SaStans.

- Dmitri ( Luke ) is his younger brother.

- Will never let him out of his sight, and they love to be as mean as they can to each other, they love each other but love to bully one another.

- Is from the Bronx, so his accent is what Avery ( Mammon ) mimics for his character, often just records Avery's lines and sends them to him so he can practice.

- Owns an animal shelter he funds.

- "Carol Baskin? Who's that?"

- The REAL tiger king.

- Gets all his cats dyed to look like tigers.

Micheal ( Asmodeus )

- Chill as fuck.

- Has like 5+ kids, so the role fits him perfectly, and now it's an on running joke among fans that they are all his illegitimate children.

- You know why Asmodeus on the show wears so much makeup? 

- His eldest daughter is one of the makeup artists, and she loves to try new looks on him, and the producers think it would fit the character well.

- People speculate his age, looks young but is in his late 30's.

- His first child was born when he was 16, so he likes to support safe heavens and things like that for struggling youths- from being kicked out to needing assistance with mental health.

- Tired af.

- Always in sweatpants, him and Ross ( Satan ) are the trademark bums of the cast.

- Thinks it would be hilarious that when Micheal is revealed, in the show, that he plays the character.

- Is a writer as well, TSL is a real series and he writes it, so they let him use it in the show.

- Vlogs in his car, in a Wendy's parking lot, eating a shit ton of food and talking about the most random shit.

- Half asleep in all interviews, wearing a hoodie and sweatpants, it's gotten to the point where everyone memes it too.

James ( Beelzebub )

- Himbo.

- One of the few cast members closest to their character.

- Absolute sweetheart.

- He's 20 years old.

- But how is he so fucking big???

- Comes from a big ass family, the middle child, he's baby 4 out of 9.

- All his siblings are redheads too.

- Very playful tho, with the cast always going along with his antics, making for the best bloopers.

- The contacts he wears make him blind af, which doesn't help since he's so tall, and will bump his head on the doorways and such.

- Can speak Scottish-Gaelic, and even has an accent to top it off.

- He is an absolute unit, and one of the characters who does the stupid diet to show off his form.

- Literally on the verge of passing out sometimes, so he needs to rest with Benjamin ( Lucifer ).

- All pictures, shirtless scenes, and such are filmed first so he can rest after and go back to a normal diet.

- Quiet guy, but loves talking about sports and his siblings tho.

- Is always carrying MC and Dmitri ( Luke ) around, now there are many off-guard photos posted to the casts shared twitter+instagram accounts

- Still pretty new to acting, but is amazing at emotional scenes, to the point fans actually think he's having a breakdown.

- Nah, he's just thinking about being alone, without his family- and it gets him bawling for said scenes.

Conner ( Belphegor )

- Crackhead 

- Will not stay still, either for filming or just when everyone is chilling.

- Scenes where he's asleep? He's usually turned away from the camera, cause the idiot is smiling and giggling.

- Has tripped over his tail multiple times.

- Comes from a farm-life, literal cowboy, his southern accent just hits hard.

- He hides it very well, but it comes out at times or with certain words.

- Sees Benjamin ( Lucifer ) as a mentor, he's in his early twenties and new to the scene, but they are best friends.

- Benjamin ( Lucifer ) has now acquired a new child.

- A living meme.

- You know how Tom Holland can't keep a secret?

- Yeah, he's worse.

- Rest of the cast have all had to physically stop him from talking at one point.

- The cow pillow? It's actually his, when he got the role his father has sewn it himself, so he will bring it with him.

- It's basically free promo for the show and comforts him in the city space.

- Gets overwhelmed in large crowds, so he usually makes sure to have another cast member close by, or he will literally leave to a less crowded place to take a breath.

- Apologized to MC after the scene in which he kills them.

- His mama raised him right, so he takes MC to his house for a movie, in which they cuddle and relax for the night.

- Felt really bad for like... a whole week.

- "Country boy I love you~"

Thomas ( Barbatos )

- Brat.

- This is one cocky man, he's smooth as hell, and one whisper can make you weak in the knees.

- Grew out the one side of his hair, but he slicks his hair back or will pin it back, dyes it himself when it's time to film.

- Loves to piss Alex ( Simeon ) off.

- Has a true crime podcast with Roman ( Diavolo ), Alex ( Simeon ), and Benjamin ( Lucifer ), because they're all old friends.

- Donates to the cold case foundation because he knows what it's like to lose someone and not know what happened to them.

- He has a twin who is his stunt double, they love to fuck with the rest of the cast, both of them are little shits.

- Is the motherfucker who makes a channel and reads the crackhead fanfics

- Loves every word of it tho.

- Responds to every fans dms. Every. One. As a whole account for this shit.

- Walks with a bit of a limp, so he wears a brace to help even himself, but during wide-shot scenes you can catch it sometimes.

- Took actual classes to be a butler for the role.

Roman ( Diavolo )

- Himbo 2.0

- Catch this man tweeting what he's trying to search up at 2 in the morning.

- Leaves them because it's hilarious, makes videos where he reads them out sometimes, it's all in good fun.

- He has a set of triplets at home, so that dad energy radiates into the show too.

- You know how Diavolo seems sus at points of the game? Yeah, he's still like that IRL.

- The rest of the cast was put off at first, but that's how he is, and everyone eased up pretty quickly.

- Makes jokes that he has family in the Italian mob, but needed to stop once his father called him, saying that there were too many eyes on the family now.

- Man was s h o o k.

- Has sensitive skin, so all his makeup and body paints need to be specially made, made with all natural products.

- The bags under his eyes are baby bags.

- Will bring his kids on set, to which everyone will gush over, and watch them when they aren't filming.

- Very private with his kids ( to the public ), doesn't post about them much, and only the cast really sees them.

- Wine dad.

- Catch him bringing the whole cast out for "family trips"

- People nicknamed him Caesar

- So many JoJo references now

- "SHHHHIIIIIZZZAAAAAAAA"

- "Please, no."

Dmitri ( Luke )

- Is actually 12.

- Quotes vines, tiktoks, and other memes.

- Is one of the few people that Alex ( Simeon ) is openly nice too.

- Also has an accent, but since he's young and is learning, can now mimic every other cast member's accent.

- Wear earplugs for certain scenes, because of how raunchy and dark the scenes can get, so Simeon and Barbatos are always conveniently in the way, hiding the plugs.

- Is Ross' ( Satan ) younger brother, and if he isn't hanging off of him he's with James ( Beelzebub ), Benjamin ( Lucifer ), or MC.

- They know there are some sick fucks in Hollywood so he has an adult with him at all times.

- Posts pictures of him cuddling up to his brother and the kittens, new foods he is trying, and some pictures with family.

- He often is considered the new Gordon Ramsay.

- Had a collaboration with him.

- It was amazing.

- Best boy, catch him taking a nap in his ( and Ross' ) trailer, surrounded by tiger kittens.

- The TIGER PRINCE.

Alex ( Simeon )

- Avatar of wrath who?

- The embodiment of "No talk me, I angy"

- Jkjk, though he does have a temper, he only loses it with Benjamin ( Lucifer ), Roman ( Diavolo ), and Thomas ( Barbatos ).

- A sweetheart with all children though, like you know Simeon on the show? 

- Yeah, he's only like that with kids.

- And respectable adults.

- Mama raised him well 2.0

- Grew up in NY

- Born in Gucci and Balenciaga.

- Was a child model and slowly expanded to acting.

- Dark humor galore.

- If Simeon met Alex, he'd probably have a stroke, cause THOSE WORDS are coming out of HIS mouth.

- Says the weirdest shit too.

- "Put your hand on my ass and call me a virgin."

- Bro are you okay???

- He is fluent in five languages and has a high IQ.

- Speaks: English, French, Italian, Arabic, and Mandarin

- Has a support system for children who struggle to learn conventionally, with trained tutors who are affordable, he knows what it's like to need certain needs met to learn, and he wants every kid to get that chance.

- Rough around the edges but has a heart of gold.

Derek ( Solomon )

- Loves to smoke with Ross ( Satan )

- He is more aloof than chill.

- One of the more awkward members, doesn't know how to socialize well, and is very shy.

- Watch out for Dmitri ( Luke ) on the down low.

- Didn't have the best life growing up, so he is a lot more street smart than book smart.

- Doesn't have a big social media influence.

- Very nice to fans, gives full hugs to them, and everyone feels so appreciated.

- Has a husky named Blue.

- Also has an owl, who he took in when he found it on his porch with a broken wing, and nursed it to health.

- He set it free, but she comes back often, and has a nest in the tree closest to his house.

- Named her Lovely.

- Animal person, so he helps Ross out with his animal shelters.

- Uses Blue as a living pillow, and only sleeps in his boxers when Blue is on his bed, because goddamn does that dog radiate heat.

- Him and MC live together, having grown up together, and made their livings together. 

[ziracona]

I legit thought The White Vault was on hiatus for years cuz they never updated their Youtube channel, so I don't know if you bringing up its conclusion is a blessing or curse for me lol. Is it like, bad writing bad, or shitty character winning while everyone else suffers with a sad ending bad?

I mean, I’d say both, but everyone has their own tastes. I really dislike specific tropes, and any time I see anything that feels like a “haha I fooled you” move by a writer, it pisses me off, bc as writer myself & fan, that doesn’t feel like a good faith move to make at your fans. Mostly just stupid, because the whole thing is written like a mystery, but they never actually even explain what the monsters are. And like, the promise is ‘stay to learn more’, but you don’t learn more. Like you get no real reveals, after one big stakes-related reveal in the last season. IMO it feels like they actually didn’t have the answers when they started, and wrote themselves into a corner and handled that badly later in the show, but that’s my guess not a fact-based statement. Disappointing, overall, because nothing changes factually or emotionally, really. It’s basically just Cabin in the Woods if she killed her friend at the end and then just went home and forgot about it, and there wasn’t even some crucial emotional meaning to that for anyone but the audience upset about how it ended, and Cabin in the Woods lasted five podcast seasons instead of one movie.

[ryanberga]

tbh i’d love to see ur paragraphs abt ryan & i’m sure other people would too,,,,,,post it?👀

ok *deep breath*

we all always joke about ryan being this dumb himbo jock archetype to shane’s academically-inclined strange man archetype which is funny as hell those jokes are funny and all in good fun but!! let’s not forget that ryan is actually not dumb at all!

let’s talk about ryan & shane’s dynamic and the whole boogara vs. shaniac thing. there’s a decent amount of people who see ryan saying “i believe in ghosts & demons & the supernatural & funny little conspiracy theories,” and then they see shane saying “all that is bullshit, i’m a skeptic & i believe in science,” and they jump to the conclusion that therefore, shane is smart and ryan is dumb, or shane is smarter than ryan, and that’s simply not true!! ryan’s belief system is inherently different from shane’s, but that does not mean he is stupid for it! shane is very outwardly and vocally interested in things like history and science, and i think that’s another reason people tend to fall into the belief that shane is smart and ryan is dumb, but, again: simply not true! just because ryan isn’t as interested in typical academic pursuits doesn’t mean he’s dumb, and i think it’s actually a very problematic mindset to equate someone’s intelligence with like the core subjects you learn in school.

ok, now let’s talk about bfu. let’s talk about how bfu was entirely ryan’s brain baby and how groundbreaking the format of it was. let’s talk about how no other supernatural or true crime shows presented its information the way that bfu does. let’s talk about how when bfu started, ryan did 100% of the work for it. he did the research, the writing, the editing, etc etc all on his own. let’s talk about how much work he put into it and how passionate he was about it. let’s talk about how the format is so smartly done & unique & original. let’s also talk about how no matter how much evidence shane presents that directly contrasts ryan’s theories, ryan stays true to himself and believes in what he believes in and refuses to be swayed. let’s talk about how even when shane blatantly dismisses ryan’s beliefs or insults him or teases him for his beliefs, ryan doesn’t budge. i also think it’s so impressive that ryan remains genuinely curious about these things and continues to believe in these things even when someone (who he cares about & respects!) is consistently telling him his beliefs are bullshit.

ok, now let’s talk about watcher. i’m not going to talk about how much courage it must have taken to leave buzzfeed to create a completely original company because that goes without saying, and it’s been talked about enough before. instead, i’m going to talk about spooky small talk specifically for a second. the fact that both steven and shane have said that spooky small talk is the biggest undertaking that any of them pursued for any of their shows is! pretty impressive! the amount of work that had to have gone into that show is really mindblowing to think about, to have to deal with the scare actors and all the noises and getting through the maze while asking questions and staying engaged with the interviewee. it’s a lot to deal with, and ryan does it fantastically, and he makes it look so effortless, as if it was the easiest thing in the world to create.

and then there’s here’s what you do, which i think is a good example of ryan showing that he’s very smart when it comes to emotions and self-care. very often in hwyd, he talks about emotions and self-care in ways that surprise me with how succinctly he’s able to put sort of complex thoughts into words. personally, i also think he gives some of the best and most thoughtful answers (when they’re actually giving serious answers and not talking about piss & shit, that is).

and just a couple more things about ryan i want to point out before i finish this off: no matter what ryan does, in everything he pursues, he seems to me to remain completely genuine to who he was at the start of this all, way back when he was still making videos with brent. he never changes his belief system, no matter what shane or anyone else says to him. he remains compassionate and unashamedly himself in all his pursuits. everything he does is imbued with so much fun. he wants to have fun, and he wants his audience to have fun along with him, and i think it‘s very evident that this is the case.

also, if you listen to ryan speak, like, in watcher weeklys or hwyd or whatever? it seems to me like he says everything with intention, and it seems like most things he says are pretty well thought out (again, when he’s not being purposefully silly). also! he has a great vocabulary! as an english major myself, i am often surprised by some of the words he throws out very casually in conversation!

and one last point, bringing it back to my first paragraph: just because he’s not as into things like history and science, he is still very well-versed in a lot of other things that speak to an inherent intelligence. first of all, it’s been established that he knows tons about true crime and conspiracies and supernatural stuff. he’s also very well-versed in pop culture, and more than just movies & tv shows! he’s spoken lots about books, and music, and podcasts, and video games! (and also don’t forget that he’s mentioned multiple times how he maintained i believe a 3.9 gpa throughout all of high school & college while also involving himself in sports & extracurriculars & a fraternity! gpa is bullshit, but that’s still pretty impressive if you ask me!) 

(edit: also!! the fact that both shane and steven said ryan was the one who was the most prepared in terms of banging out content should something like a pandemic occur before covid was even a thing!! let’s not sleep on that fact, wow!)

((edit pt. 2: also! my total bad for not appreciating his sense of humor! he’s such a funny guy! and so quick-witted! i think his sense of humor on its own is enough to demonstrate how very obviously Not Dumb he is!))

tl;dr: does ryan lean into the dumb jock archetype? sometimes, yes, i think he does. i think he thinks it’s funny to play dumb (and it is!). but is ryan actually dumb? no fuckin way! ryan is smart & talented & very hard-working & passionate & just an all-around great guy. put some respect on his name

[bag-chips]

(Apologies for the length, messy handwriting poor quality uwu)

I binged all the Mechanisms albums in one day and became utterly obsessed with the idea of them being Jon’s uni band. On top of this I got thinking about the theatre lines in MAG 172. Ergo, here’s a master post of various Mechanism!Jon and Theatre!Jon scenarios! (it’s mainly Jonmartin fluff I’m not going to lie to you). It took four days. Last night I stayed up till nearly four trying to get it done cos I hate myself ;)

1) My design for Mechanism Jon. He’s absolutely one of those guys who grow excessive facial hair to look older and more mature. And, oh look! Some JonGeorgie stuff. Rather than being a member of the band, I’d like to think she acts as the behind the scenes manager, helping out with bookings lighting and costumes. It will become apparent that Jon is like my fave and I’m soft for this stupid little man.

2) Depressed S3 Jon with the Admiral. Jon prefers to not talk about the band, especially since most of the Archival staff make fun of him for it anyway. However, he absolutely ends up quoting Mech songs when he’s on his own, especially when emotionally compromised. The aftermath of this little sketch would be Jon spitting out the whisky and nearly throwing up because he hates the taste and can only really stand very weak alcoholic drinks (hey hi hello I’m projecting).

Stupid sketch of him taking part in a Shakespeare production. Jon was and still is a theatre kid, taking part in any play or musical he could during his uni years. He’s a dramatic little bitch but damn does he have a fantastic stage pressence. Georgie proudly supports him from behind the curtain.

3) Martin finds out about the Mechanisms through Tim, who uses the material to expertly tease Jon. Martin finds pictures. Martin’s crush is cemented he is homosexual he is transfixed by the images. This leads to him listening to the albums, which outside of them being by his crush he genuially does love them. He often finds himself listening to them whilst working around the Archives, but takes great efforts to hide his love of the Mechs from a curious Jon.

4) Everyone at the Archives knows about the band. Tim and Melanie are the lead culprits in mocking him about it, especially in the tense work environment of S3. (For context Mechanism shows had the tradition of Jonny De’Ville claiming he was the captain, with Gunpowder Tim and the audience then proclaiming that no he’s the first mate Jonny stop Jonny no. Go listen to the Death of the Mechanisms you’ll see).

5) Post-MAG172 argument. Who will win? The poetry nerd or the theatre kid?

6) (Read downwards until the next row the layouts weird cos I sketched it whilst sleep deprived at 2am ;) ). Jonmartin fluff!

TMA is a tragedy. Listening to the Mechanism albums has made that very clear. So the next couple of images would be set in a happy ending AU fuck u they’re going to get married let me dream.

7) (Apologies for the weird writing again sleep deprived). Jon wants to fulfill his side of the bargain and take Martin to the theatre. After many trips to Georgie’s and a lot of planning, Jon decides to take them on a date to see Cats at the West End, since it turns out Martin knows the original poems. Thing is, this is their first proper date. And it so happens to conicide with their first anniversary. And Jon wants to spoil Martin with an engagement present as an apology (Jon ruined the proposal with his eye powers). Jon wants to go big. And it just so happens that Elias left a lot of money. He decides to go ham and get them a private box. He gets Georgie to book it for them since he wants it to be a surprise and despite his Eldritch mind google he can’t figure out how to work a laptop.

Martin is told he’s going to the theatre. However it takes until they’re collecting the tickets at the front desk for Jon to reveal the seats and thus allude to the expenses. Martin has always worried about money given his upbringing, and panics, nearly having a full blown argument with Jon in front of the ticket man. Jon really should have listened to Georgie’s warnings.

8) (The Wikipedia text box thing was inspired by a brilliant TMA comic, once I find it again I’ll link it!) Jon is very much excited for the perfomance, and infodumps about it. Martin is still annoyed about the expense of the date but starts to relax and mellow out once he gets a glass of wine in his hand and a quiet moment to listen to his fiancée talk passionately about something.

9) The gays get ice cream and discuss who’s the prettiest actor in the interval. Martin is very much wired to how Jon works now, and uses the conversation to calm him down a bit (I think Jon was very much concerned that Martin might leave him over this bless that man).

10) The couple head home after a few quiet drinks at the bar. Jon is exchausted - mentally strained by the worry of perfecting the date, his emotional investment into the show and the two glasses of wine he had. Martin forgives him for the excessive nature of the trip, but would be lying is he said he didn’t enioy the show (even if it was mainly experiencing it through Jon’s expressive face, investment and him mouthing the lyrics quietly to himself). He’s going to ask if they can maybe listen to a different musical album whilst Jon recovers from his inevitable hangover tomorrow, but first he needs to gently carry his pissed and sleepy partner up to bed.

I wanted to draw soft things I’m sorry I love this podcast with all my heart have a nice day

[tellywoodtrash]

immj2 05 + 07.12.20 lbs

05.12.20

“tum saari property mere naam karoge.”

BITCH WHAT NOW???????????

V like dadiiiiiiiiiii ko dhokaaaaaaaa?!!!!?!?!?! oh ho, lagta hai pair chhoote chhoote V ko asli waale feels aa gaye dadi ke liye, free of charge!

THIS MAN AND HIS FACE NEED TO BE STOPPED SO HELP ME GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

also what else that tongue do (other than throw constant taane to guilt a bitch) baby boy mmmmmmmhmmmmmmm 😏😏😏

riddhima thinking ki property meaning khatra and she can’t allow it to stay on dadi, she has to take it on herself, so that if kabir tries hurting anyone, it’ll be her.

this one’s paar ki nazar has recognized that train of thought, i think.

she’s like think whatever you want idgaf, just do whatever the fuck i say or else. and don’t even think of charging me an extra paisa. jaake bhaanda phodna hai toh phod lo, phir you won’t get your remaining 4.5 cr. DAMN GIRL, WHERE THIS SHAATIR TAKE-CHARGE SIDE OF YOURS BEEN ALL THIS TIME???????/

hubs thinking same thing. he’s never been more turned on by her as when she’s using maximum brain.

“kya hai?????? aise taad kyun rahe ho?????????”

“taadna ekdum free of cost hai. only for your pretty face!” I HATE HIM.

LOVE THIS TROPE. LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE.

face change from smiley eyes to shaatir eyes, as he contemplates the facts before him. unf, the things it does to me to see him emote.

lijiye, iss show ke Idiot Brothers. and their plans to prove it’s not vansh and to get riddhima thrown out. i’ll pass.

but this one’s face tho. cutest. 

same, aryan. mera bhi yehiiiii reaction hai. taareeef karoon kya uskiiiii, jissne, tumhe banaaya!

some rando has come and is like hi, i’m your new lawyer; your old one appointed me before he left. no doubt he’s been sent by kabir.

V’s face: chutiya samajh rakha hai kya???? that’s not how this shit works.

v is like you’re here about my will and lmao riddhima’s all happy thinking oh vihaan has started my work already. SIS TILL NOW WHAT HAS HE DONE ACC TO YOUR PLAN? TELL ME ONE (1) THING THAT HE’S DONE LIKE YOU SAID.

yadda yadda yadda lawyer is like the property cannot be transferred for a few months. because Reasons. sure. sounds legit.

kabir is ecstatic. needs to learn to hide his MWAHAHAHAHAHA MERA CHAAL KAAM KAR GAYA FACE better if he wants to win at this game. he’s up against poker face all india/tellywood champion.

fb to kabir bribe/threatening lawyer. zero surprise.

V telling dadi idc about all this, meri asli daulat toh aap hai. lmao he really just does not give the other grandkids a chance to be #1 in dadi’s books.

ishani is pakka sure this is vansh bhai itselfffffffffff. and lmao angre’s suspicious face. they’re legit like:

V trying to negotiate salary increase (10% per month!!!!!!!!) and riddhima’s like bhakkkkkkk, sabzi mandi laga rakhi hai kya maine? yeh faltu ki bargaining nahi chalegi yahaan, jo karna hai karlo.

ishani’s back with bhai’s favvvvvvvvv chocolate cake and.... OH NO HE WAS SO FUCKING RUDE TO HERRRRRRRRRRRRR. riddhima ko sabak sikhaane ke liye ishani ko kyun sunaaaa rahe hoooo!?!?!?!!?

anyway riddhima tried to sametofy that raita by apologizing to ishani and.......... that went as well as expected.

kabir and aryan watching and lootofying mazze.

lmaooooo aryan tubelight ko situation samajh hi nahi aaya and kabir is just like

lmao have you seen a more pitying look????

angsty piano playing time.

lmaooooooooo she’s like “jahaan vansh banna tha, wahaan bann nahi paaye, yahaan yeh karke kya kya fayyda hai?” which......... troo. i really like this give-no-fucks version of riddhima who says what’s on her mind, instead of just doing lengthy internal monologues of stupidity. 

as,kjdlkasjd;lksjd;lkjsa;ldkjsa;lk she’s like vansh never yelled at anyone if it wasn’t a big deal. to which V is reacting just the way i am rn.......

‘lmao reallllllllly??? i don’t remember it like that.’

more lecture and yeah, i relate to him.

ishani over here crying to angre about bachpan se leke aaj tak vansh bhai ne kabhi nahi daanta. which again i’m like?????????? i have literally only seen V1.0 yelling at ishani for some bs or the other. literally never has he shown her any pyaar; the most he’s ever mellowed at her was when he gruffly told her sunny’s “truth” and made her understand that the wedding with angre would be good for her. nostalgia comes with some reallllll rose tinted glasses huh, ki everyone’s whitewashing asshole!vansh this way.

soft ship gently chugging along!

anyway angre has a plan and ishani like so help me god imma murder this fucker if he’s not vansh. there’s my girl!!!!!

this one is driving a hardddddddd bargain and wow, really going to town on that piano. riddhima doesn’t find it shady at allllllllllllllllll that he’s an equally good piano player as vansh huh? zerooooo thoughts about that.

“gunaah karne waale se bada gunehgaar hota hai gunaah sehne waala.” bhai waaah, isske victim complex ko mera salaam, ki bechaara is ONLY GETTING 5 CRORES, BOOOOOO HOOOOO.

“jabse tumse yeh deal kii haina, badi gandiiiii waali feeling aa rahi hai!” lmaoooooo yeah sureee, i can see how torturous it is, to be paid OBSCENELY to......... play yourself.

“mujhe teen guna chahiye. i want triple.”

BITCH WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF 3X SLKJDFSLKJFLDK 15 CRORES I KNOW TERA HI PAISA HAI BUT HADH HAI BHAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII?!?!? YOU SOUNDING A LOT LIKE THIS GUY:

oh boy ishani and angre have entered hearing about “triple”.

badi safaai se he said OH I MEANT IMMA BAKE A TRIPLE LAYER CHOCOLATE CAKE FOR YOU TO SAY SORRY.

softttttttttttttttttttt siblingssssssss. baaaaabies.

but hubs and wifey have come with some stress relief for bhai, lol.

lmao riddhima’s reactionnnnnnnnn.

lo ji yeh bhi aa gaya rang mein bhang daalne. wants to make things interesting via bet. some realllllll high stakes shit. good lord, don’t be gross and bet riddhima or something, maharabharat style.

aaaaaand it’s on!

no point screaming in your mind, riddhima. should have sent him to basketball camp before you recruited him.

"bohut mazaa aayega!!!!” lmaooooooo seeeeee, i told y’all. all this big baby legit wants is someone to playyy with himmmmm. have you ever seen him look THISSSSS HAPPY EVERRRRRR??????????

——————————————————————— 

07.12.20

lmao @ his purposely bad dribbling.

stressing Dollar Biwi out some more by saying he hasn’t even watched the game on tv.

unffffff. Chehra Appreciation Break. these go out to my girl @nawaazishein​ (she knows exaaaaaaaactly why.)

riddhima is like when you pick teams, pick me, and kabir is here to talk smack and say everyone’s gonna find outtttttt nowwww.

ok great, whole fam’s here. there’s a chalkboard set up for the score and everythinggggg. coz as per usual, no one else has nothing else to do. not even catch up on their podcasts or play some candy crush or nothing. they just wanna watch these two grownass men having a pissing contest.

V wins the toss but aryan’s bitch ass lies and says kabir won it. K selects riddhima first.

he knew that kabir’s dumb ass would do exactly that. besides, he’s seen riddhima play. she sucks ass at it. best if she brings down K’s team from the inside, lol.

V’s picks: useless!chacha, angre. K’s pick: aryan. rules established, ki after every 10 points, rival team se player will be out.

all i can think of rn is that everyone went and changed and riddhima’s gonna play in her sari and heels?!?!?!?!!!?!?

game faces on!

lol such bball captain and his gf head cheerleader vibes. CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh god are we supposed to sit and listen to chachi’s commentary?!?!!?!?

please note i’m literally only watching this ep to see the boys’ shirts move and expose chest and abs. 

riddhima gets the ball and is standing there in one place dribbling so that V can easily intercept and he’s just..........

............. imitating a frilled dragon or some shit?????

kabir just took the ball from her and scored.

first basket he made and he’s already telling vansh to give up. dude, hadh hoti hai overconfidence ki.

V like haar-jeet ka faisla end mein hota hai. i would say i’ve already won, getting to see this much sweaty neck and chest, mmmmhmmmmmm.

SCOREEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! i mean, yeah V scored a point in the game or whateverrrrrrrr, BUT **I** GOT TO SEE SOME TUMMY WHEN HE JUMPED UP!!!!!

lol idk what the sassy finger wave was for, but i liked watching it.

THIS DUMBASS. SOMEONE PLEASE JUST PUT HER OUT OF HER MISERY.

aryan’s out.

AND I SCORE AGAIN!!!!! ouff, the things i have to resort to coz they don’t gimme tellywood men shirtless anymore.

useless!chacha’s out.

askljdlkjlkdjlsakjdlsakjdlsdjlaskjdlj bechaara kabir.

“you. out, please!”

sureeeeeely he will not pull the kkhh move in front of the whole fam??????/ will he?????????

look at his face, ki awwwwww, how cute that she’s trying.

riddhima is so stupid, if she scored all these points, why didn’t she pick V to leave the game instead of angre!?!?!?!!?!?

BITCH DID THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“isski har harkat vansh se kyun milti hai?????” idk sis, take a wiiiiiiiiiild guess. if it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck........... MAYBE THE FUCKING 6 FOOT 2″ DUCK LOOMING IN FRONT OF YOU AND RUNNING HIS HANDS ALL OVER YOU IS YOUR FUCKING HUSBAND??????

the way he’s smiling is practically challenging her to figure it out.

she’s still like nope, not him. just a coincidence. while she mulls on that brain fart, imma stare at rrahul’s chest some more.

of course.

YOUR WHOLEASS FAMILY IS STANDING THERE WATCHING THIS OMG I’M DYING OF SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENTTTTTTTT FUCKING TAKE IT TO YOUR ROOM YOU WEIRDOS

“yeh bonus hai. free of charge. just for your pretty face!”

this dumbass is also hung up ki how overnight he became good at playing basketball. abbe oh gobar ganesh why can’t you just accept it’s him?!!?!?!?

aryan’s like dude, it’s him. i’ve seen him play. this is him.

but there must be somethinggggggg unique about vansh’s style right????

ahaaaa, ambidextrous.

kabir legit threw something like that looks like a clown’s nose. i guess he just carries that around full time coz he’s a 🤡🤡🤡

blah blah we already knew this from the precap. i’m just fwding to when he plays with the left and wins.

lmao V’s faaaaaaaaace. when kabir finally gets his day of reckoning, vansh is really nottttttt gonna hold back.

never seen ppl THIS happy to see a left handed person, lol.

“vihaan vansh ki tarah left hand se khel sakta hai??????”

CUTESTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lmaoooooooooo his face is like jo toota nahi tha, woh bhi tod ke rakh degi.

lolllllllllllllllllllllllllllll. asshole.

uh huh honeyyyyyyyyy. did the Vansh Move.

asking how you did all this when i never told you these facts about vansh?

“tum zaroorat se zyaada sochti ho, Sweetheart.”

DUN DUN DUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“kya aisa humne pehle kabhi nahi kiya? kya yeh pal humaari zindagi mein kabhi bhi nahi aaya, riddhima?” he said her name The Vansh Way, not The Vihaan Way!!!!!!!

“tum mere......”

“haan riddhima, yeh tumhara veham nahi hai. main vihaan nahi, vansh hoon. tumhara vansh.”

haaaaaaye bechaari. at this point i’m feeling quite bad for her. it’s not her fault she’s so stupid. ab hai toh hai. kya kar sakte hain. bedagarkkkkkk ho tera, vansh. may you die of blue balls for fucking with her simple mind this way.

i just did my homework reallllllllllly well, it seems. so my 3x payment is totally worth it. god i wish that pool was full, so that i could dunk his head into it and hold it there for a few minutes.

THIS ASSHOLE DOESN’T EVEN FEEL A LITTLE BIT BAD FOR WHAT HE’S DOING. LIKE, THODAAAA TOH HE SHOULD FEEL.

and then he turns around and looks at her like this!?!?!?!!?!?!? OUFFFF. FUCK YOU MANNNNNN.

blah blah talk about how now everyone must be convinced (except kabir) but yeah, i’m just here for The Face.

JFC SIS. AT THIS POINT YOU JUST NEED TO PULL A KHUSHI KUMARI GUPTA SINGH RAIZADA AND YANK A FEW HAIRS OUT FROM HIM AND ISHANI AND SEND IT FOR A DNA TEST.

shhhhhhhhhh, koi hai. yup. and not at all an excuse to get touchy touchy with wifey and give her some more mindfucky clues as to who you are.

someone’s watching us, we gotta sort out the property shit realllll quickkkkkkkkk.

he has An Idea, it seems. oh boy.

[patrick-hockstutter]

If you decide to write bowers gang fan fiction again, could you do like a “bowers gang quarantine” basically what it be like being quarantined with them. I know it’s modern but like still

Y O we doin this right THE FUCK now. And I love the idea of doing this modern day! I actually got a modern Bowers Gang request ages ago that I always wanted to do but never got around to, so I’ll mix it in with this! (and maybe do it after this, who knows, quarantine got me feelin’ some type of way...)

Victor:

This boy is so easily stressed out that he’s in constant need of a soothing activity to keep his mind busy

So you immediately introduce him to the world of face masks and bubble baths

And it’s like this boy has t r a n s f o r m e d

He’s constantly just GLOWING

But he still needs to keep his brain busy, face mask on and ready to go

Victor is an Animal Crossing baby right now

If he goes anywhere, his turquoise switch lite is always in hand

Everything going on has got him so stressed out, so he focuses 100% on his island (which is fucking beautiful at this point)

He then convinces you to get the game and a coral switch lite, and you also get to the point where you can’t put it down

The two of you can be found laying in bed all day visiting each other's islands, filling up your museums, and paying off your loans to Nook

(wearing face masks)

When he’s not playing Animal Crossing, he’s channeling all his energy into his doodles

With some encouragement from you, he starts streaming his art on Twitch and surprisingly gets a pretty good following

You love seeing all the support he’s getting on social media but you juuuuuuust can’t help yourself...

So you post a picture of him laying in bed, playing Animal Crossing with a bright green face mask on and his hair pushed back on Instagram

He’s embarrassed at first, but it eventually gets turned into a relatable meme and he honestly is quite proud of that

It can now be seen as a custom emote for his Twitch subscribers

(and as your phone lock screen)

Belch:

Honestly couldn’t be happier to be on government mandated lockdown

(especially with you)

Belch is such a homebody so he is in complete bliss rn

The two of you spend most days snuggling, snacking, binging shows on Netflix and watching conspiracy theories on YouTube

Y’all watch so much tv at this point that you’ve actually moved the mattress into the living room and made it into a deluxe blanket fort

The two of you swore to start cooking more since you couldn’t go to restaurants anymore, but damn did Domino’s have some good ass coupons...

Long story short, you ordered pizzas more times than you’d care to admit

But whatever, self care, am I right???

Belch also used this time as an excuse to force you to learn about cars

He always said that if you were gonna drive one, you’d need to know how to fix it

You’d always figure out how to cute your way out of it, but not this time

There was n o  e s c a p e

He taught you to change your tires, headlights, oil, brake pads, check all your fluids, the air filter, E V E R Y T H I N G

By the time Belch was done with you, you were basically ready to open up your own auto shop

But then it was straight back to the blanket fort

And although Belch was straight vibin’ in quarantine, god did he miss driving

So he would take you on these nice midnight drives

Sure, he would blast music as loud as he could, but it was so relaxing to look at the stars and the occasional deer that passed by

Henry:

Absolutely follows 0 of the rules at first

He’ll go to the grocery store if he damn well pleases whenever he damn well pleases

Even if he doesn’t need or want anything, the big ‘fuck you’ to government orders is enough for him

At first he just lounged around all day watching tv, but he finally started to get bored

So he started sneaking out of his house and into your bedroom despite the lockdown order

And as much as you wanted him with you, you refused to let him inside

You were a goody two shoes, what could you say? (but of course this is why Henry was drawn to you; he got off on tainting you any way he could)

So he persisted, but you could tell he was doing it mostly to be a jackass

Until one day he showed up looking like a lost puppy, so you caved

You were also a softie, what could you say?

Henry wouldn’t say it, but you knew the lockdown order had finally sunk in and he realized that he would have to be quarantined with his father

So you decided to be his safe haven (and his constant distraction)

You introduced him to your PS4 (he’d never had the luxury of having his own game system) and it opened up a whole new world for him

Games like Destiny and Red Dead Redemption really gave him an outlet and he especially loved that he could control what he did with his character in Red Dead

Which then led him to RPG games like Wolf Among Us and Until Dawn

The two of you would pull all nighters playing these games, constantly debating on which choice to make and how it would impact the story

And when you two weren’t playing games, the extra time quarantined together actually encouraged him to start opening up to you

So one minute the two of you might be swearing at a video game while the next you might be deep in conversation over a cozy cup of cocoa

Patrick:

You thought he was a nightmare before?

Well, I hope you’re prepared to handle him 24/7 for god knows how long

This boy is jumping off the fucking walls okay

And he can’t take it out on the Losers Club, so it has to come out somehow...

This motherfucker starts a prank channel on YouTube and decides that you are his target

Sometimes it’s as harmless as pretending he factory reset your iPhone

Sometimes it’s as infuriating as destroying your eyeshadow palettes and pressing sidewalk chalk into the pans

Sometimes it’s as terrifying as him chasing you around in a monster mask with a kitchen knife while you’re just trying to paint your damn nails

But no matter how pissed you get, he gives you that dumb stupid cute smirk you love to hate and kisses you, reminding you why you tolerate him in the first place

And as much as you think you can, you really can’t stay mad at him for long

Because when he isn’t devising more dubious schemes for internet views, he is alllllllll over you

Somehow being quarantined has amped up his testosterone an ungodly amount

And there’s only so much PornHub’s donated free subscriptions will take care of

But when all these fun and games finally come to a rest, Patrick is jumping off the walls in a completely different way

He has never had to be cooped up for so long, and his mental health disorders are really getting the best of him right now

It gets worse during the night, so you’ve started taking him out to stargaze to calm down

Afterwards, he finally starts to calm down and you actually get to spend some quality time with him

You’ve also found that puzzle games give him something to problem solve with rather than focus on his own labyrinth of a psyche

And in these moments the two of you can finally relax, listen to a creepy yet hilarious episode of Last Podcast On The Left, work on some sort of puzzle game, and enjoy some peace and fucking quiet for once

[best-enemies]

I have to write an actual review on Gallifrey TW4 for the podcast I’m in but I have a writer’s block, so here are some of my thoughts on the box because I need to yell about it somewhere and my friends are pissed that I keep yelling on twitter. Spoilers ahead!

Don’t expect anything coherent to come out of this post I’m just going to throw stuff in this post and if you get it you get it lol. It’s not like I have fully recovered from the blow anyway... 

Deception is a great introdution to the box and probably one of the best Gallifrey audios. I hate it when the OT4 gets separated (and that it happens all the time!), and in this case it happens between Narvin and Leela. However, it’s always great to see Leela working on her own and interacting with other people. When she tried to save those people from the resistance, the way she dealt with the situation even when she felt lost because she couldn’t trust her senses - a tool Leela values a lot as a warrior and a hunter - was absolutely incredible and it reminded me (not that I could ever forget that) of how much I love and admire her. 

Listening to them being inside the distortion field felt like a really bad trip 

All I could think throughout the box and not just Deception is that Leela had a crush on Eris and man I can’t blame her at all not only he was a great guy he’s really good looking and I got a crush on him too akshdashdkjaks

I don’t think I say this enough, but I really like Livia. She’s not evil, she just makes a lot of bad choices and she has this problem of being too much on the fence, which is not the characteristic of a true leader. She was never one. But still, even if I don’t remember the content of the earlier audios she’s in I’ve always liked her. And I liked that she finally chose a side in the end. I mean, she did when she helped the resistance, and that was a good beginning.

 Also can I interest you with my headcanon that she was Romana’s girlfriend at the Academy and they broke up? Lol Anyways, when she heard that Romana had “died” she was shocked and later on complimented her as a person and I kind of wish we saw more of them on good terms

Now, on Dissolution: I love Narvin. That’s pretty much it lol. Before starting Gallifrey my friend gave me a spoiler which was basically, “you’re gonna love Narvin”. Well, at first I really liked his voice - it was funny and cute and voices are an important thing to me. Of course, even if he seemed funny to me, unfortunately he was a total xenophobic asshole. He had convictions, he had layers which made him very interesting, but still, an asshole. Which makes me really proud to see how far he has come, how much he’s grown. When he joined Romana’s side I soon realized that my friend was right; Narvin had one of the best redemption arcs I’ve ever seen. He went from Romana’s political rival, if I could put it that way, to one of her most trusted allies and best friends. And he found out that he could still fight for and protect his home, but using the right tools, doing it the right way. Dissolution showed that contrast between the old Narvin and what he wanted and the new Narvin, and honestly? I could almost call this episode a moment of relief amongst the chaos. Narvin has become one of my favorite characters in the Whoniverse and one of my all time favorites as well.

Alright... now we get to Beyond *deep breaths*. So let’s start from the beginning, shall we? I spent months since listening to Unity living in a total hell not knowing if Romana was alive or not. I couldn’t believe that that was her ending, that she wouldn’t show up again for their last hurrah, and that my favorite companion ever was gone forever. But then, BF announced the cover, and the description for the episodes, and her name came up, and I could finally breath. My friend and I started theorizing that maybe Braxiatel had dematerialized the TARDIS around her and saved her in the last second - which is kind of what happened, I mean, the description said he wasn’t ready to give up on her! So they go to that place called Beyond, and shit happens. Those ravenous bitches were there eating people and shit. They even ate Narvin - I almost started crying in the middle of the bus, telling myself he wasn’t our Narvin, but he was a Narvin and it still hurt. I wanted to fight those ravenous myself. And not just that, Romana went through hell watching Leela die in front of her, and her reaction was really heartbreaking. 

Aaand that kind of brings me to a point here, something that bothered me. Romana and Brax, as always, spent the audio bickering a little, but they had their moments as well. Like when Brax says that it’s good to see her smile again, when he says (sorry I don’t remember it word by word) something like, she couldn’t die and that she’s supposed to be the best of the Time Lords, when she calls him her friend, and when she asks with a soft voice if he’s coming back to Gallifrey. And it was sweet. Like, they have a lot of issues, but they also have good feelings towards each other. Despite everything they care about each other, and it shows. Which is why I got really confused about Romana’s reaction when Brax was eaten by the ravenous. I remember I even thought she wasn’t around when it happened, that he had left and was somewhere else (I have a little difficulty paying attention), but then my friend said she was. So I was like... wait, she saw her friend, whom she’s known for most of her life (and more than she can even remember) die in a truly horrible way and didn’t even react to that? I’m not blaming Romana, I think this is really out of character for her. She may have difficulty expressing her feelings but she would never, ever react so coldly to the death of a friend. 

Now, on Brax’s death... I was really devastated. At first, as always I got confused and thought the older Brax was an older version of him, somehow. Even if he died, I was like, this is confusing, but it’s Brax? So I was weary, but still, I thought “well at least he’s safe now, on another universe in the Beyond”. But then my friend said “no, that’s an alternative Brax, the one we know is dead”. And that’s when I felt my stomach drop. IT HURT SO BAD. I’ll be honest and say I don’t know everything about Brax, or about the depth of his character, I’m still very early on the Benny audios and only have listened to him on Gally and a few audios here and there. People who have more knowledge on him say that the way he was written wasn’t really accurate, and that can be true, but I won’t get into that because I don’t know for myself. Still, Brax is one of the best and most interesting characters I’ve ever known. I loved him from the beginning. I got mad at him so many times during the series, felt as betrayed as Romana did, heard about a lot of dark shit he’s done, but still I could never hate him. I got a little bit too attached to him, which is why his death felt absurd and unnecessarily cruel. I don’t think for a moment that Brax deserved that, as I said I don’t know everything about him but something in my heart tells me that things could’ve gone another way. I knew he could die in the finale but not like this. And it’s a bit hard to put into words how much I hate the ending he got and how much I’ll miss him. I just hope he comes back, I mean, he always does, BF writers need to figure something out I don’t even care lol

I had to edit the post because my dumb ass forgot about one of my favorite and at the same time one of the most bittersweet moments of Beyond: Brax asking about the Doctor and saying leaving Gallifrey was a “family thing”. I love them and there isn’t enough stuff out there from the Lungbarrow siblings for me. He talks so fondly of the Doctor and now all I think about is that he never mentioned him in the series but thought of him on the last hours of his life... brb I’m gonna go cry in the bathroom

Oh god. Okay, Homecoming. I’ll start on a light note and say some stuff about Hot Rassilon: Richard Armitage nailed it. I’ve always liked him as an actor and I got thrilled when he was announced. His voice is like, the one I want to hear when I get my name called up in Heaven - or Hell, which is where I’m going - and his speeches were really powerful. Still, I wish they could’ve given him more to do. Of course, I understand that this is where they wanted to go with him - Hot Rassilon going batshit crazy and calling himself a god and coming up with some stupid fanfiction about the Time Lords becoming gods of everything, yada yada. I loved his interactions with the Dalek Emperor, the first thing I thought (besides the fact that it was really funny) was that it showed two despots with a god complex playing chess with the universe and discarding their people as garbage, fighting for their own personal power and not for the collective. Of course, I don’t expect the Daleks to care about each other - they want to spread throughout the galaxies and gain absolute power, not bring social well-being to their own. But that should apply to the Time Lord Society, and we see that Hot Rassilon doens’t give a flying fuck about that. 

I feel like I should reinforce the fact that I actually hate Rassilon. I call him hot but I hate him. I can do both

Once again, I need to point out the emotional moments between the galligang. It all felt so off. As someone pointed out here (sorry, I saw the post but don’t recall who said it now): it’s a war and there’s little time for grief, however, it’s not like they’re just grieving the loss of a group of people they’re not familiar with. The galligang are the closest thing they have to a family with each other. They’ve been through all sorts of things together, created a deep bond and have crossed the universe to find each other. And then, that Dalek ship blows up, with Narvin still in it, and... nothing. Leela even asked Romana if they could’ve done something and she says if the bracelet thingy had been working he would’ve come back already. And that’s it. At first I didn’t even understand, I was like “wait, he was really still inside the ship? And it blew up?”, because once again, I couldn’t tell from the way they reacted, I was only sure when they had that exchange. And of course, I started sobbing, because my favorite character was dead. I guess the writers wanted to focus on the war and political aspects and shit but did they forget that Gallifrey was about these three specific people and that their relationship was the core of the series, not just the politics? 

Okay, moving on. Leela and Romana once again end up on Gallifrey and run into Hot Rassilon. Did I mention I found him a bit scary? Well, I did mark me down as scared & horny.

Aaaaaand he decides to lock Romana up in a pocket universe. It surprised me, because I thought he would execute her. I find that he wanted to do that because Romana was the president who wanted to take Gallifrey into the future, to make it a prosperous and advanced society who left all their fears of the unknown and prejudices behind. And now he locked her up in the past. Get it? I don’t know, maybe that’s just me, but this was the first thing I thought. But I cannot even begin to tell you all how RELIEVED I am that she’s alive, and that there could be a possibility - even if a very tiny one - that she could escape. It’s Doctor Who, so everything is possible. EDIT: Now I’m sad because Leela will die after the end of the Time War and Romana will know about that, and all her friends are gone, and she believes the Doctor isn’t the man she once knew so she can’t rely on him, and she’s alone, and I’m FUMING because I’m still processing the whole thing and I hadn’t realized that. She’s totally alone and now I’m crying once again. I HATE IT HERE

As for Leela, I want to see what’s next for her. I haven’t gotten into the other Time War stuff yet, this is my first introduction to the actual thing, but I heard that she’s gonna fight alongside the War Doctor and might be on the War Doctor Begins boxset. But man listening to her and Romana having to depart like that broke my heart. And now I know that she’ll be protecting Gallifrey because of Romana, because Romana represents the best in Gallifrey.

*Phew* okay, that was a lot. I don’t even know if I covered everything, but I managed to make more sense than I thought I would at the beginning of this post. I don’t know man I’ve been crying for hours, went to sleep at 2am crying because of Narvin and Brax and woke up at 7am and my first thought was them, dying again... I don’t even know anymore, I guess I’ll either focus on uni and my job or curl up into a ball and cry for the rest of my life lolololol

Now I want to write a post with my theories on how the entire galligang is alive and in the epilogue in my head they have reunited and are all living together happily. Maybe it’ll be my next post.

[sob-dylan]

ranking of bcs season 5 episodes based on how sexy i found them

10. Namaste dir. & writ. Gordon Smith

good ep, not sexy. jimmy commits his first hate crime against the dandy howard hamlin. hostile work environment at los pollos. the return of the uncomfortably stereotypical thugs that beat up mike. very let down because gordon smith has written some of bcs’s sexiest episodes in past seasons, including gloves off, chicanery, & something beautiful. the car chase intercut with lyle cleaning the fryer was pretty sexy tho. 2/10

9. Dedicado a Max dir. Jim McKay, writ. Heather Marion

this ep ranks so low because of what it could have been. was expecting it to be the sexiest episode, but was given very little of what was promised. the fountain was sexy, scheming kim was sexy, any invocation of revenge is sexy. that’s about it. 2.5/10

8. Wexler v. Goodman dir. Michael Morris, writ. Thomas Schnauz

first we’ve seen of nacho in a long time, but as usual it’s not nearly enough. he is reunited with mike, giving him the opportunity to play a bargaining chip for the first time in two seasons, which is sexy of him, but also reminded me of the how little he’s done since he became fring’s dog. nacho being underutilized is not sexy. (i could go on a whole rant about the poker chip we’ve seen nacho fiddling with a few times during different collection scenes, but i don’t think i quite understand it enough). kim suffers the worst day of her professional career because jimmy decided he knew what she wanted instead of listening to her. not sexy. lalo getting arrested was, of course, very sexy. 4/10

7. Magic Man directed by Bronwen Hughes, written by Peter Gould

sexy episode, but it all rests on the shoulders of lalo, nacho, & gus (+ a very timid domingo-- i’m into that). the mcwexler stuff just made me sad. lalo’s lounging in el michoacáno with his blue loafers kicked up? much appreciated. lalo and nacho constantly calling each other “man”? nice! the sit down between lalo and gus was very sexy, but the sexiest part of this episode for me was the trap house, especially the beginning sequence. loved the scene starting from inside the car with some great tunes, the camera following the meth down the drainpipe, lalo’s erratic driving and his refusal to acknowledge arlo, the power that nacho has demonstrated by arlo shutting up when he gets out of the car, the slightly shaky camera work in this moment, nacho leaping up those stairs and then pounding on the door before gently telling mouse it’s okay. all incredibly sexy! 6/10

6. JMM dir. Melissa Bernstein, writ. Alison Tatlock

pretty fucking sexy for production legend melissa bernstein’s directorial debut.  not only is it the first bit of substantial lalo content in a while, it’s the debut of jorge de guzman! the shot of him from the shoulders down with the focus on his tattoo? sneaking a phone in so he can tell nacho to burn down los pollos? the arson itself? very, very sexy. vague allusions to what went down in santiago? frustrating, but sexy. kim and jimmy consummating the most ill-advised marriage ever authorized by the state of new mexico? sexy, (especially kim’s hair). lydia rodarte-quayle! “shanked and shivved and whatnot.” that was a very sexy suggestion, lydia, keep ‘em coming! 7/10

5. Bagman dir. Vince Gilligan, writ. Gordon Smith

vince gilligan’s triumphant and very sexy return. the shoot out! the time lapse of the clouds while jimmy and mike walk along at a normal speed! “my wife” & “mrs. goodman!” and of course, the sexiest thing of all, the meeting between kim and lalo. gordon smith redeemed himself with this one. despite the piss-drinking, a very sexy episode indeed. 7.8/10

4. The Guy For This dir. Michael Morris, writ. Ann Cherkis 

a very, very sexy ep! a swarm of ants set to yodeling isn’t in itself sexy, but i respect the symbolism and the bold creative choice. but then! the garage scene! imo this was the sexiest scene of the season. everything from the blocking to the lighting, not to mention the Acting. i’ve rewatched that scene many, many times. other sexy things about this episode: kim yelling at acker, kim opening up, nacho’s lounging-at-home-watching-soccer outfit, amber & jo, the one genuine smile nacho has all season (at the beginning of a devastating conversation with his father), lalo making jimmy and nacho watch him drive his car, “you’ll make time!”, nacho’s signature car-leaning, & “once you’re in, you’re in.” 8/10

3. 50% Off dir. Norberto Barba, writ. Alison Tatlock

look: i can admit that this hole ranking system is heavily dependent on how much nacho & lalo there was in an episode. this episode started with a home invasion at casa de varga so that gus could intimidate nacho in his underwear and ended with nacho rolling up on jimmy and then making him drop his mint chip in the street. and in between? the poker game. the birth of ocho loco/krazy-8. THE PARKOUR. “ignacio varga, eres un chingon.” the small expression of pride on nacho’s face when lalo says “it’s your call.” nacho finally accepting food from lalo, only to find it’s a trap! lalo using his own brand of the lie detector to make nacho offer to kill his oldest friend. dear god! this ep marked the explosion of the eduardo “lalo” salamanca/ignacio “nacho” varga tag on ao3. it’s an inspiring kind of sexiness. mike’s story was compelling, but a boner-killer. 8.9/10

2.  Bad Choice Road dir. & writ. Thomas Schnauz

ah! the something stupid callback! jimmy falling to his knees when he finally gets a signal! kim crying! jimmy’s trauma! the godfather reference with the oranges! (and no, i didn’t pull that out of my ass. peter gould mentioned it on the podcast) the care-taking, despite kim having every right to be furious with jimmy! the tender and heartbroken look on lalo’s face when he leaves the nursing home! lalo impatiently ordering his new chauffeur nacho around! the way lalo stands when nacho drops him off at the well! how happy nacho is to finally be rid of lalo for just 3 seconds before lalo gets back in the car! the lalo leap! the final scene! rhea claiming her emmy! but ultimately what’s so sexy about this ep is how well it encapsulated the ethos of the show. i’m still salty about the dinner party (???) with lalo, nacho, and nacho’s girlfriends getting cut, tho. 9/10

1. Something Unforgivable dir. Peter Gould, writ. Peter Gould & Ariel Levine

i don’t consider it the best episode of the season (that would be bagman), nor is it my favorite (that would be 50% off), but imo it is the sexiest episode of bcs yet. slippin’ kimmy! the finger guns! the kansas city royals shirt! kim laughing in howard’s face! the post-coital mcwexler scheming! and of course every single scene in mexico! nacho’s forced smiles! lalo’s unmitigated excitement at returning home! “nachito!” lalo’s despicable but still somehow sexy attitude toward that poor kid ciro! the scene where he’s fixing the car! lalo’s praise of nacho! lalo being the life of the party! everyone adoring him expect for juan bolsa! lalo’s party shirt! nacho’s tough but respectful chain-over-a-fully-buttoned-shirt-cause-it’s-time-to-meet-the-don look! nacho spelling out exactly what he wants! lalo closely watching nacho and don eladio! the intimate, late-night fireside conversation! the beautiful emotional asymmetry of that scene! a man who is finally ready to allow himself to trust someone choosing the wrong person! (in other words: lalo lowkey trying to get laid while nacho’s actively trying to facilitate his assassination!) nacho being the resourceful little bitch we all love! lalo immediately blaming poor ciro! (seriously, what is the story there??) the frying pan! the fucking tunnel! lalo kneeling over that dying hitman, peeling off the mask that’s melted to his face, and gently telling him “esta bien” ! lalo limping out of his estate with murder in his eyes, ready to hunt down the only man not carrying the Salamanca name he’s ever trusted! if this ep had included nacho regaining a shred of agency over his situation, it could have a perfect score. 9.9/10

[wolftrapped]

                    THE PODCAST — DRINKING BUDDIES.

Drinking Buddies é um projeto independente que busca compreender artistas de maneira intimista sem recorrer ao escândalo e à invasão desrespeitosa, propondo-se à outorgar um espaço para justificativas, diálogos sinceros e correntes. Usualmente regada por bons vinhos — embora existam outras opções para convidados abstêmios — a entrevista consiste em um ritmo de conversa entre velhos conhecidos, sem tempo previamente definido ou obrigatoriedade de resposta. Detalhes de vida pessoal e a tão pública carreira se sobrepõem, criando uma nova perspectiva de indivíduos sob a constante pressão dos holofotes, humanizando-os.

TRANSCRIPT OF THE HIGHLIGHTS: Entrevistada da semana Abbadon de Rosas, inte e três anos, cantora e atriz. (@mosquinhainthewall)

So, not to be that kind of guy, but I feel like to know you personally, we should brush over your personal life. And that includes past relationships.Despite having dated a couple celebrities, I think your most recent and most high-profile partner was that one guy. So... you have dated the butcher. Girl, what the hell was it like?

A: It was like a roller-coaster ride, you get in very excited and you get scared halfway through, you scream a lot, you get your heart racing and you leave that shit shaking and wanting to puke for your own bad decisions and still wanting to do It again. It's fucking nuts, because he's a really charming person and he can really make you fall in love like right off the bat, but the guy is also an asshole who has a lot of issues and there is a point that people just can't take It anymore, the whole sex, drugs and rock n' roll It's too real to be good and It's fucking awful to see. He's good in bed, tho, I have to give him that. When he's not passing out drunk, he's a great boyfriend.

That was... wow. I think this has been the first time you have been so open about this, so I'm kinda honored. I think the glamorization of all those issues associated with success and music in the rock scene is very unnecessary. You can have hits and put out great work without falling into the cliché of the supposed demons that come with it all. I might be on the wrong here, but I don't think you necessarily have to sign a deal with the devil to make it. I can only imagine things got heated in a bad way, because such problems must have taken it's toll on you. And yet, you were together for a surprisingly long time. Not at once, of course, but you had that on and off again relationship. I assume it can be exhausting, emotionally speaking, at least. How did you cope? And why did you stay in on it so long? I mean, it sounds kinda toxic. And as you highlighted it, I assume the drinking was a major problem... how did you deal with it?

A: It's because everything already went to hell, so fuck It. He's going to be pissed off at me anyway, so might as well just say it for once. I'm not going to bash on him for that, there's a lot of fucked up shit going on and that has happened before that makes the whole thing make sense, but like there are other things that just make everyone around him be in a constant state of alert and It's tiring. Yeah, I'm not the easiest person to deal either, but like, even I got limits. Well, that's the thing, like when you love someone as much as I love him you don't want to admit that you can't help and that the whole thing is becoming something that's eating you alive, you don't want to say ‘enough’ because that means giving up, that means putting your feelings above someone else’s needs, but sometimes we have to. It wasn’t toxic and I know It sounds like something someone in a toxic relationship would say, but the thing about Dragan is that everyone thinks that he is the "butcher" for things that he's done to others when in reality the only person he's hurting is himself, he just doesn't see nor understand how that can affect people around him. It's fucked up? Totally, I won't deny it that it got to the point where my parents stepped in and where like 'maybe you should spend some time in Argentina and just step back' but it wasn’t like a toxic or abusive thing where I didn't knew what I was doing. I don't think I dealt with that, because, like, there's no stopping someone with a drinking problem, they won't just put the bottle down and listen, you just have to be there and try to make them see and, well, take care of them after.

So, tiring, you say? Why is it tiring? What is tiring? What happened, if I might inquire. Well, if we really analyze it, no one is actually easy to deal with. We are complex beings with even more complex emotions, so I guess the best we do is just try and navigate feelings and situations in the less crappy way possible. But sometimes, we are driven to the extreme and that makes it very hard to take control of certain situations. I guess what I'm trying to say is that mental health sometimes requires a little bit of what might seem like selfishness, but it's actually not. I mean, you can be empathetic and sympathetic, compassionate even, but people shouldn't expect you to put your needs aside all the time just to think about others. In order to actually be helpful, you must be in a good place about your own feelings, so it doesn't become a vicious cycle of resentment and problematic situations, you know? So I get what you're saying. Besides, if we really weigh things... you're pretty young. Not a kid, of course, but rather young when compared to him. You shouldn't put your health and your youth aside to try and nurse a dysfunctional adult back to good shape while wasting yourself in the process. Love is as much about letting go as it is about being there for someone else. So if you say it wasn't toxic, I believe you. As an outsider, I might not have the full picture, so I can't step in and say you're wrong about how you see the things you went through. I can only imagine how difficult it must have been, to watch someone dear slowly waste away, you know? I guess with alcohol and any other addictions, really, it’s kinda complicated to make the person see how damaging that habit is. I guess they don't see themselves in bad shape. I think at this point, it's only fair to assume you saw the worst of it, as you said you took care of him during his drunken haze. How was it for you? Where did you get the strength to do it?

A: The whole thing, I guess. Because you're constantly thinking if that person is going to do stupid shit because he's high or If he's high because he's about to go into a depressive episode, and the later it’s not really his fault, you can't really blame someone for, like, trying to cope and just kill what's killing them, but for someone who's around and who's emotionally involved in that process, not knowing can be tiring. I don't think really the age It's a factor, I've been in Hollywood for so long that I can tell you that having a relationship with someone I loved, fucked up or not, was the least of the things I did that can be put out as wasting myself. I'm really afraid that I haven’t seen the worst, because If that's true then it's really even more of a risk and it just breaks my heart. I have no Idea, never thought about It. And I'm being totally honest right now when I say I really didn't gave that much of a though on that when It was happening, because It's easier that way.

Yeah, I hear you. You did start on this business at a very young age, and had your share of trouble, with your image and your habits and all that pressure over your shoulders. You coming out on top of that situation and standing in a brighter and more hopeful place is kind of an statement that you can get out of harms way. But having been there, at rock bottom might have given you a different perspective in that whole situation. Tell me... did your experiences made ir more difficult to be involved in it? I mean, I can only imagine you must have felt dragged back into something you were just getting out of. Also, I would like to reinforce that any questions that make you feel uncomfortable, just give me a heads up and we'll move on. This a conversation and in no way I would like to seem intrusive. And on a brighter note... let's be a little intrusive, as well, because I'm simply human and I am curious in an almost voyeuristic way... how were the good times like?

A: Very young. I was a baby And it's not just that, when you're in Hollywood everyone that is around ends up affecting how people see you, like, I was 17 going into rehab for a sex addiction that I didn't have because people around me had a problem and everyone thought that I had a problem too, then. I would like to say that it made it easier, but I think that It definitely was difficult, it brings a certain anxiety every time shit goes down. But I didn't felt dragged, that's actually really a point, people often think that he was, like, a bad influence, like, making me do drugs or other stuff, when he wasn’t, he was very against people taking drugs and getting pissed drunk. A little hypocrite? Of course. Don't worry, I'm fine for now, I think It's the wine. And... it was great. As I said, roller-coaster, when you're on the top It's just the best feeling ever and he was a really sweet person.

I wouldn't say hypocrisy, I kinda get it. I mean, real friends wouldn't offer you drugs, and as a drug addict, it makes sense that he knows how dependent you get on those things and not wanting people he cares about to end up in the same situation. I have a friend who struggled once with addiction and he used to say that very same thing: people who care about you will never want you to go down on the same path as them, because they know how hard addiction gets and no matter how good the rush, it’s just not worth bringing loved ones down. I mean, junkies still harm people they care about, even though in a different way, but I guess in their thought process, it makes perfect sense to make that kind of damage control. Oh, it's good wine, I'm getting kinda tipsy as well. So, that's difficult for me: seeing him as a sweet person. With all the troubles you went through, I have no problems actually imagining you as very nice. And to be honest, I'm delighted to see that you actually are. When it comes to Dragan, however, it's nearly impossible for me to look at him an think 'oh, there goes a nice dude'. I guess it must have something to do with how he is usually pictured in the media but, to be honest, he kinda paints those images himself, with all the reckless behavior, the aggression and the sexual scandals... and his infamous birthday party, of course. I can only assume that must have been another complication, since he is very evasive and closed off to the point of getting violent, whereas you're really open about most things. Did it cause some clash of opinions? How did you manage the public image issues?

A: I get It, I really do, but it's hard not get angry towards It when the person Is getting angry saying that he doesn’t have a problem and then be like 'Yeah, but you can't do this or that because then you will have a problem', It just makes you sigh and go like ’oh, please, just don't’. But he is. He is lovely when he's not having cameras shoved on his face. Well, thank you, It's good to know that I'm not being mean, people tend to say that I look mean. It's just... he tries really hard coming off as not caring and sometimes he can be an asshole, I mean it, the biggest asshole of all, but most of the time he is this great guy that even when you say shit will just help you anyway and try to be kind. And he has the best date ideas and getting away landscapes. A lot. But It is just another thing that we worked around, like I don't mind paparazzis, but he does, so I know that I'm not dragging him to, like, Four Seasons or whatever when I know It's going to cause him anxiety. And It's just common sense I guess.

Well, the people who say you're mean clearly haven't made the smallest effort to actually know you. And don't worry, if I come off as flirty, let me warn you that I am very much gay. So I'm totally not hitting on you now. I guess having a personality and standing up for yourself might come off as mean nowadays, buck fuck people who say that, honestly. I mean... still hard to believe, even with you saying he is nice and all that, I still have a hard time believing he would not try to get me killed for posting this interview, you know? You said it yourself: he'll most likely get angry, and publicly, that doesn't tend to end up well. Getting dark here again, so I'll try to mix things up. Still relationship wise, I have to ask: sex stuff. How was it? Don't judge me, you've seen the butcher and I speak for the people saying I would like to know how was that.

A: Oh, thank you! Well, don't worry, I'm used to coming off as flirty, I know how It's like. I have a friend If you're single, I'm trying to set him up with someone with actual decency. He's not, maybe he'll say something about It If asked and It might get a little heavy, but like It's only because as you said, he is very closed off...And It isn’t your fault, the most likely one to end up with the fault It's me, preach. Oh... I've seen the butcher, alright. You know when people tell you that someone is really good at bed and has a big dick and you don't believe them and then you find out it's actually better and bigger? That's how It was like.

Oh, if you're talking about your co-star, we know you two dislike each other and we'll talk about that in the next section of the interview. If not, thanks anyway, but I have been happily married for a couple years now. God, this is getting racy. I won't even ask anymore because we have to keep things at a bare minimum not safe for work. But well, I guess now the internet would be driven wild: theories that the butcher has a big dick have been confirmed first-hand by his ex-girlfriend. On that note... You've seen the butcher. Not the naked man, the song. Some people say it's about you. Some people speculate many of the songs he wrote are about you, which is an interesting thing to say, since the man can get really poetic. I mean, at least lyrically, he is very versatile, being able to write the most sexual things one minute and switch to the most deep and depressing words the other. I guess what I'm trying to say... can you confirm or deny you're the subject in that piece of music? Because said theory also sparked rumors that you two have been a thing longer than the public eye knows, with some even daring to say he started a physical relationship with you before you were a legal adult, which is controversial, to say the least. I really have no formed opinion on this, since those comments came after a few interpretations of the song, which can be a little absurd, with some claiming is about taking a girl's virginity (said girl would be you, in their version of the facts), some saying it's just about sex with no deeper meaning and some more radical individuals claiming is about a serial killer.

A: No, I'm not talking about Florian, and he doesn’t dislike me, he hates me. Oh, that's cute, my parents are happily married for so long that I'm sometimes ashamed that I don't have a long-lasting relationship. Well, I can assure you that things only get more NSFW, so It's better not to ask... I don't know about that, like, he never told me anything about writiing for me, so I can't really be that much of a helping hand on this matter, but the whole underage thing is not true. I will let recorded for further actions that I did not slept with Dragan while I was underage, you can rest now internet avengers. And I do think It's about sex with no deeper meaning, but I don't know, I didn't wrote it. How that fuck is that about a serial killer? That doesn’t even make sense! That song is clearly about sex. Like the other song that it's about oral sex, there's no deeper thing, that's it. It's about sex.

STAY TUNED FOR MORE!

[pitayatea]

Talk is Jericho: The Emancipation of Jon Moxley

(i highly recommend listening to the episode if you have time, its a great listen and it goes a lot into jons thought process behind his leaving and the timeline from august until he left. if you dont have time or just want a rundown before you listen to see if youd be interested, i complied a list of points in the episode,,, i guess? idk.)

(none of these are in order im horrible at listing things but all of this was discussed at some point):

- mox started the podcast saying he harbors no ill will for wwe, how grateful he is for the time he spent there, how they helped him grow as a person, etc. he also talks fondly of the make a wish program and the fans and everything.

- there's a good bit of him talking about renee and describing her as his best friend, his soulmate, and how even if they had nothing it was fine bc they had each other. prime otp shit we stan. im sorry i love their relationship.

- jon describes a time where he was approached about a promo describing him doing stupid stuff that an idiot would do (riding a unicycle backwards, sharing pizza with a homeless dude, etc), and asking that it be changed because he doesnt want his character to be seen as an idiot. the line was taken out and readded by vince. when he confronted vince, vince didnt see the issue and described the segment as good shit and thought it described the dean character perfectly, which jon took as being described as an idiot.

- jon hated his heel turn, and defined it as being heavily micromanaged and told numerous stories of fighting with scripts and writers and vince because they wanted to do joke shit that he didnt want to do. he hated the germaphobe angle, he despised the vaccine promo, and it was all stuff pushed by vince.

- he also talks about other promos he hated before his heel turn, and a lot of it started as early as the 2014 feud with seth (the hotdog cart, seth mannequin, etc.)

- i actually remember an older tij episode where he goes into detail about how it was vince who pushed the mannequin thing, and how he once walked into vinces office and found vince sitting in his chair, facing the mannequin, with weapons laid out, verbally describing what he wanted to do to the mannequin... do with that what you will.

- (aka vince is senile which,,, we been knew)

- both of the stories he told are extremely interesting: one describes the time he knew for sure he was gone and started counting the days, and the other describes the time he almost walked out.

- there was numerous lines during his heel turn that he refused to use and demanded to be changed.

- one of which was a joke about a pooper-scooper that got changed to the gas mask line. he describes literally having to go behind vinces back and rushing with writers to get a copy of the script without the joke onto vinces desk before the one with the joke got there because vince wouldve forced him to do it.

- he describes all the promos he did that night as confusing and not telling stories, and remarked that "if we didnt need to run around and try to not look like idiots, we could focus on telling stories", which flustered a writer he was with at the time.

- the writers and jon got a note from vince which stated "dean needs to understand why he needs to insult the audience. dean needs to read his promos verbatim and not try to rewrite them." jon remembers feeling like he got punched in the gut and lashed out in frustration at a writer (in retrospect, he admitted it wasnt the writer's fault and he was just emotional).

- "why do i work here? im a professional wrestler, who can tell stories and come up with promos and i believe i have the ability to talk people into buildings, i learned those skills years ago, and i wanted bring them to the wwe, and you just want me to say your stupid lines. if you want someone to stay your stupid lines, hire an actor because theyll probably do a better job of it than me. im not interested in doing it."

- he spoke frankly about the fact that wwe is a billion dollar company, run by an alleged genius, filled with adults, and they were talking about pooper-scoopers, and how ridiculous it sounds.

- after the pooper-scooper joke was removed, vince took the gas mask comment literally and tried to make jon go out with a surgical match. eventually, it was talked down to the hankerchief that made it into the final cut of the promo.

- vince once mentioned how jon had so much creative license, to which jon remarks: "what creative license? what creative license do I have? i do exactly what you tell me and its terrible crap. thats not creative license."

- he booked it immediately after the show, got into the hotel, and immediately thought (after thinking that he needed a drink) that the entire segment was a waste of time because they got nothing done, and he didnt get why everyone was celebrating afterwards. he remarked that after doing six promos in one night, he couldnt say what the story was, who the characters were, and that the angle was dead, if it wasnt already.

- jericho agreed that the creative process of going through vince is awful and that it burns you out and that, at the end of the night, the match was the easy part.

- jon was never scared of getting fired for being outspoken, because he still did the work. if he couldnt convince vince that it wasnt a good idea, hed go out and try hard to make it good.

- jon woke up to a text from a writer describing the vaccine segment, and he responded that he "fucking hated it" and the writer texted back "yeah, i know".

- by the time he showed up to the building, word had gotten out that he wasnt happy with the vaccine promo. vince knew jon wasnt happy and called him to his office to reassure him that the bit wasnt comedic, and that its good stuff and its well written and would get him so much heat. he explains all of this while laughing, immediately proving that it is comedic, and said there was no props involved, to which jon replied "then whats with the actor we hired to play the doctor or the giant syringe? are those not props?"

- jon was ***EXTREMELY*** uncomfortable making comments about romans leukemia, and didnt even want to say the lines that got on tv, and sounded audibly pissed off when talking about it. when he confronted vince, vince said that roman needs to be in the story, that dean turned on both roman and seth, and that roman is a key part of the story.

- both jericho and jon then talk briefly about the 'vince jedi mind trick', where he makes things seem better than they actually are, and jon fell victim to it in that promo despite considering himself to be immune. he immediately regretted the lines as soon as he said them.

- there was a line in a promo talking about romans cancer that jon refused outright to say, and wouldnt even say it on the episode. all he said is that the wwe wouldve lost sponsors (esp the susan g. komen sponsorship) and someone (likely him) wouldve gotten fired. vince tried to convince him to say the lines but he absolutely refused and it was a matter of "ok i guess youre not comfy bc its roman" and not "its extremely offensive" with vince agreeing to not force the promo. jon then said it wouldnt have mattered to vince anyways bc he wouldnt have been blamed for it, and it wouldve been jon who took all of the heat. he then makes a comment in case whoever was responsible for the promo was listening:

- jons wanted to leave wwe since july 2018, and almost walked out after an episode of raw during his heel turn due to creative frustrations.

- jon wanted to return from injury as a completely new heel character. he brought this up to vince twice - once in february, when they thought hed be cleared for wrestlemania 34, and once in july, before his actual return.

- in february, vince had stated that they could do what jon wanted to do. the story changed by july due to them advertising the shield for the aus super showdown and not wanting to take them off the billing.

- they then wanted him to return as seths buddy in his corner for summerslam. jon wanted to return at summerslam as a surprise, and vince had an original plan for him to show up at the go home show for summerslam and just,,, be there, but agreed to go with jons plan.

- the week of summerslam, a writer contacted jon while he was training with joey mercury and cody hawk in cincinnati that he was, in fact, showing up at the go home show for vinces original plan. essentially, vince lied to him to sedate him because jon says he was extremely outspoken about everything. he managed to talk vince and the writers into putting a little bit of action into the go home show.

- jon hated the line that seth said to announce his return ("since you have a scottish psycopath, i ought to have a lunatic in mine"), which was entirely a line planted by the creative team and wasnt the fault of jon or seth. he felt like it muddled the crowd reaction and the pop bc everyone was reacting in different ways and he thought they shouldve just played the music because "how can you screw that up?"

- hes been creatively frustrated since 2016 on smackdown.

- by the time he left the company, he hated the character of dean ambrose and couldnt look at himself in the mirror.

- they tried burying dean with the nia storyline and squash matches, but fans loved him so much that vince saw dollar signs and pushed for the shield reunion tour. if it wasnt for fans being behind him, jon wouldve been mercilessly buried.

- aew was not his main reason for leaving. originally, he wanted to go back to czw or the indies. he wouldve left the company no matter what - even if no other promotions existed, he wouldve left and created his own promotion.

- jon described feeling severe symptoms of depression during his last few months, to the point where he couldnt motivate himself to get out of bed or go to the gym or do anything. he even looked up symptoms on webMD to confirm what he was feeling - jericho also confirmed it the second jon started talking about it.

- he outright stated that vince and the creative process and the shit vince had built around the wwe since 2002 is killing the company.

- he does not want to compete with wwe, he just wants to try and push them to improve the product and try and get vince to step back slightly and not micromanage so heavily.

- jon only got paid 500 bucks for the shields final chapter special, which is the same price that extras get on main shows and the same price that unused roster members get for just showing up and sitting in catering. jericho then brought up that during a house show street fight between him and ambrose, they both only got paid 750. 500 and 750 are bare minimum prices for just showing up - so they barely got paid for a dangerous gimmick match on a house show.

- jon and cody have been friends since before cody left wwe, and used to sit backstage and watch old wcw matches while getting ready for matches.

- he considers codys experience to be similar to his, and that they both experienced the same frustrations at different times.

- jon and jericho both agree that tony khan (CEO of aew) is the exact opposite of vince, and is a bigger wrestling fan than vince is. jericho then brings up that he doesnt see how vince can be a fan any longer because hes been doing it so long without a break. jon agreed and stated that vince is never gonna retire and is def gonna die in the chair, and how he just needs to step back a little bit.

- jericho brought up how jon broke the internet and jon practically jumped at the chance to tell the story.

- "king of social media, mic drop bitches." that is the line of the century im sorry.

- the inspo for the original mox teaser released on may first was inspired by the first venom teaser trailer.

- double or nothing was already planned to be moxs first appearance when the teaser dropped, and he had to keep it on the dl to make sure no dirtsheets reported it and no one advertised him to be there. he admitted he isnt tech-savvy and everyone who hes friends with who is belong to wwe, and the dude who helped him film the teaser was sick nick mondo.

- the trailer took two days to film and cost eight grand, but jon admits he wanted it to be quality and didnt care.

- while filming the trailer, vince texted him to try and extend his contract for the europe tour bc shield money. his response was that he was committed to a film project, which vince took as him filming a movie and not him filming the trailer.

- jon didnt tweet the trailer, he had a social media expert time it to where it released at exactly midnight through some techno shit with twitter.

- roman and seth knew how unhappy jon was in wwe and they were understandably sad to see him go but they wanted him to be happy.

- he talks about how he told seth he was leaving: seth had responded that he was super bummed out, and jon told him that he "is a wild animal, babe" and has been contained for too long. seth immediately agreed, saying it was the perfect analogy.

- the way he describes it kinda describes seth being more broken about jon leaving than roman, which also correlates with seths responses to questions about him leaving. do with that what you will, shippers.

- from now on, nothing is driven by money for him. everything is driven by trying to be the best he can be. he wants that for everyone: he wants his friends to be the best they can be, he wants his wife to be the best she can be, he wants the fans to be happy and everything, but his happiness is the most important thing.

- he feels more passionate about wrestling now, and describes it as his first love and his only love besides renee. the way he describes it reminds me of cm punk losing his passion due to wwe, and i feel like he wouldve ended up exactly like punk if he stayed any longer.

- his favorite part of the business is promos, and the scripted promos made him loathe it. aew gave him his passion for promos and wrestling back.

- he compares himself to the dentist elf from rudolph. his closing line is "if you're an elf and you wanna be a dentist, be a dentist." jericho edits in an audio clip from rudolph at the end and its great.

- jon is looking forward to working with legitimately everyone in aew and thinks of it as helping draw eyes to the product and to other lesser known talent, similar to jericho.

- he doesnt want a war, no matter how much he jokes about it. he just wants to show vince that the way he runs his show isnt the only way and it definitely isnt the right way.

- jon, speaking directly to vince: "your creative process sucks. fix it."

(i listened to the podcast in full three times, and i repeatedly replayed segments to confirm everything. if i missed something, lmk.)

[redcopperdove]

Upset For No Good REASON

It was my birthday.

Woke at 6:30. 

“whelp, I guess it’s my birthday. Fuck I woke up late.”

Meets up with friend/coworker at their house. She walks out the door and says that they “hate everything”, then they catch themselves adding “everything except you, because it’s your birthday.” 

The day is starting off great. Ready to quit the day and go back to sleep.

7:15 to 1:15 is work. 

Binge listening to podcasts and random music to have the day not pass so slowly. There is only a handful of people at the warehouse, all trying to work and get thru the day. 

It about 30min before we all clock out for the day. My friend tells everyone it’s my birthday and they all sing me happy birthday.

“aww, thanks guys.” I guess that was sweet. Feeling less shitty about it being my birthday. 

Head home after work with my friend and they say “I think we should leave for dinner at 5:30. So Chris have time to relax after work.”

“yeah, that’s fine. I’m excited for dinner. Where are we going?” This is going to be part of the day that I’m going to enjoy. I love trying different foods, especially sweets. 

“A Mexican restaurant. If you want to go somewhere different we can.”

“No, i haven’t had Mexican food in a long bit. I want to see the if the salsa roja is good or not. A good sauce makes you cry and asking for more.”

-----

My dumb brain made an appointment with a new psychiatrist on my birthday for 4pm. 

Please, don’t be shitty. Please don’t be shitty.

The assistant calls 5 minutes before the video call and well my tone changed real quick when I was told that the appoint would be an extra 100 dollars. Was not expecting that considering I thought I already paid for the consultation. 

Fast forward and it’s almost 5. Pissed off and ready to give up. It feels like I’m not being listened to and I’m sounding like a jerk. 

“I would like to focus on my ADD because that seems to be the source of my anxiety. I can’t finish tasks and emotions are hard because they come at me too fast and I can’t seem to sort them out.”

“We should focus on the anxiety first and than sometime later we can go back to the ADD once your anxiety is better managed.”

But how can you focus on one if it’s directly related to the other. Damn her face is so easy to read. Yeah, I get that you don’t agree how my current/primary psychiatrist is doing things. I get that that you don’t think I should be taking certain medication. But, FUCK! i actually can tell you what I’m mad about right now and before I wouldn’t even know how to express that. 

Why, do I feel like I shouldn’t be trusted?

Am i making the wrong choices?

Who should I being listening to?

“Look I’m mad because you are telling one thing and they are teling me another. I am paying for medication that you are telling to stop taking and this appointment was 200+. I’m not upset because about the medication change and the reasoning behind that, I’m upset because it is costing me alot of money and that stresses me out.”

“You have to choose what you want. I would like to see you in two weeks. Its your choice to stop the medication or not.”

I guess I’m going to see them in two weeks. 

----

Dinner was the best thing that could happen.

Like so good that describing the food is not a thing I can do. It reminded me of LA and my friend gave me snacks as my birthday gift. 

For some reason explaining that moment in detail isn’t something I can do, but it made me happy. 

I guess my birthday wasn’t that bad. Who me mad at food and snacks?

----

“Hey, skype call at 8:30 with me and mami?”

“Didn’t we have one yesterday?”

Umm, no we had one on your birthday a day ago.

Oh, right. Yeah, 8:30 is fine.

Okay, see you than.

8:30 and it seems like they forgot.

Called my mom asking if we are still video chatting.

“so...are we stilling doing skype?’

“oh, nena. I forgot. I’ll be ready in a bit.”

Sister is in a bad mood and Mom seems a little bit involved with something else. 

Fuck, this sucks. I don’t want to lead this conversation. 

Mom sings happy birthday and my sister doesn’t. Why does that detail matter so much? Its not that important. 

Awkward small talk and silince. YAY

“okay, well this was fun.”

“you can say stuff too you know.”

yup not in the mood. My mom tries to save the conversation. Is only kinda successful. 

Finally end the call.

---

Tried texting my sister for help about a purchase of something I want. 

She’s still in a bad mood and I’m so done.

What am I doing wrong? Why are the little moments annoying me so much? I’m mad that she didn’t focus on me on my birthday? How fucking stupid.

Crying. 

Feeling like because we already did the video chat, already kinda celebrated on her birthday that it wasn’t something we should do on mine. I know I was in a bad mood, but I wanted that to change with seeing my family. I’m asking to much.

She was stressed and so was I. So why am i expecting her to try to make face to make me happy. So, I’m selfish. Thats cool. 

Cry some more feeling like my choices and wants are useless. That I want things that are not really attainable or is it I get a version of it that I’m not satisfied with. 

Hard to make choices because the consequences might be something thats negative, something I could’t account for.

Hard to want things because it feels like I want too much and I’m not worth the energy. 

----

“Yeah, but you hate your birthday.”

Thats true, but was I really did try not to. it might have seemed like I didn’t try, but I did. 

I think what I want and what I get are sometimes so different that I just get upset that my ideal want wasn’t achieved. 

I should still appreciate what the good moments, even if the annoying moments are invading those thoughts. 

Being upset for no good reason.

It was my birthday. And I’m sad and mad that my sister was upset with her day and couldn’t be happy with me. I’m mad that I can’t seem to know what I want my medication to do. Confused that the things that I want seem to have check-list of worry and doubt so I end up not getting anything. 

Crying in bed, eating Carne Asada Fries, and drinking agua fresca.  

[roman-writing]

two, across (6/8)

Fandom: Fire Emblem Three Houses

Pairing: Hilda Valentine Goneril / Lysithea von Ordelia

Rating: E

Wordcount: 6,748

Summary: Lysithea can barely keep afloat under the workload of giving undergrad lectures and finishing off her PhD thesis. Meanwhile Dr. Hilda V. Goneril is somehow both the laziest person as well as the most successful young professor she has ever known. It’s absolutely aggravating.

Author’s Note: Please be aware of the rating increase for this chapter. There is explicit sexual content (finally), which includes but is not limited to: oral, strap ons, stupid banter, and some slight overstimulation.

Read it here on AO3 or read it below the cut

Almost a whole week passes before Lysithea is able to work up the courage to ask if she can stay over at Hilda's apartment again. She tries to manufacture some excuse as to why she should come over, but eventually gives up on any pretense.

When she finally does ask, the work week is nearly finished. A three day weekend is fast approaching, with the Monday a national holiday. Lysithea is standing in the doorway to Hilda's office, waiting to be taken out to lunch.

Hilda shuffles through a stack of student reports when she answers Lysithea's request. “Of course! You’re welcome over whenever. Just so long as you, like, text me you’re coming or whatever."

“So you can pretend to clean up for guests?” Lysithea replies in a dry tone. Her arms are crossed.

“So I can piss you off by making it even messier.”

“I knew it.”

Hilda crouches down to start rifling through more stacks of reports on the ground. “Yes. All part of my cunning plan. I have an image to uphold, you know."

"Is that why you do it? For your carefully manicured image of laziness? Not because you actually like the mess?" To drive her point home, Lysithea gestures at the entirety of Hilda's office, which is mostly hidden by stacks of papers and books.

Hilda gestures with a paperback before tossing it back to the floor. "I refuse to incriminate myself. In fact, this line of questioning is borderline entrapment."

Lysithea rolls her eyes. "Oh, hurry up and come grab lunch with me already."

"I'm trying! My TA put the damn marks somewhere different this time, and it's driving me crazy! I've told him a squillion times that they need to go -! Oh! Found them!!" Hilda rises to her feet, stuffing a few loose pages haphazardly into her bag. "Okay, we can go now!"

"Finally."

--

This time when Lysithea comes over she brings a gift. The bag of cider bottles bumps against her shins as she chews her lower lip outside Hilda's apartment. Behind her, night is falling, turning the sky a dusky purple. The brass 2-A plates on the door gleam in the last fading rays of sunlight on the horizon.

Steadying herself with a deep breath, Lysithea knocks.

Hilda answers the door wearing shorts and one of those tight-fitting black undershirts she prefers, the kind that strategically hangs off her shoulders. It gives the illusion that it might slip completely free without ever actually being in danger of doing so. Her hair is loose and long, hanging down her back.

"You don't have to knock when you've already texted me a million times saying you're coming over. Just come in," Hilda says, exasperated.

She waves Lysithea inside, barely looking at her, already striding back towards the kitchen.

"It was not a million times!" Lysithea calls after her.

Hilda's voice drifts from the other room. "Four times is basically a million times. I know you're polite and all, but it's just me we're talking about."

Lysithea toes off her shoes and closes the front door behind her, locking it and casting the chain as well.

The smells of cooking waft from the kitchen. Lysithea wanders in that direction. Hilda is humming to the music playing from her tablet. Her back is turned, and she puts down a pair of tongs to perform some perfectly executed air drums.

Lysithea lingers in the kitchen doorway. She takes a moment to admire the glimpse of bare skin, the flex of muscle along Hilda's back and broad shoulders. Her mouth goes dry. She swallows.

"What are you making?" Lysithea asks, placing the cider on one of the countertops.

"Baked chicken parmigiana. It'll be ready in forty." Hilda opens the oven door, and slides a full dish inside before slamming it shut once more. When she turns, her eyes alright upon the bottles. "Ooh! Are those for me?"

"No, they're for your cute neighbour and her cat."

"Well, I can't blame you there."

Hilda begins rustling through the grocery bags to see what Lysithea has brought. When she leans over, Lysithea catches a glimpse of generous cleavage, and quickly averts her gaze. So far, all her carefully laid plans for being cool and composed about this whole evening have been wholly tossed out the window.

Turning to the drying rack piled high with clean dishes, Lysithea grabs a dish towel. She dries and puts away the various pans and cutlery that have accumulated there. It strikes her that she now fully understands Hilda's system, and doesn't need to ask once where anything goes.

"I'm not that hungry yet to be honest," Lysithea says while she goes up on her toes to try to put a cutting board away.

"That's fine. Just let me know when you are." Hilda twists the oven dial off. Then she crosses the kitchen. "Here. Let me get that."

Standing directly behind her, Hilda takes the cutting board and easily reaches up to tuck it beside the bamboo steamer. Hilda's arm brushes against her, and Lysithea has to clear her throat. It does nothing to stop the burning in her cheeks however.

Hilda does not linger there, as much as Lysithea might have wanted her to do so. Though she trails her hand across Lysithea's back as she moves away, opening up a nearby drawer and pulling out a bottle opener.

"You want one?" she asks, picking up one of the bottles of cider.

It's tempting, but Lysithea shakes her head. "I shouldn't. Just soda, please."

"You know where it lives." Hilda taps the floor cabinet with her bare foot.

"What a gentleman." Lysithea grabs a glass for herself. She bends down, opens the cabinet in question, and pours a glass of sparkling lemonade.

"Your gentleman privileges were revoked when you started leaving spare clothes in my bedroom. Honestly, at this point I should probably just cut you a key."

"I wouldn't say no." Lysithea tries to keep her tone light and playful, but the implications of what she has said are not missed.

Hilda hesitates when she lifts the bottle of cider for a sip. Lately most of their conversations have felt like this. Like a dance around an inevitable topic neither of them are willing to address.

Then Hilda ruins it. "Great! On that basis, I'll start charging you rent, too."

Making a face, Lysithea lowers her own glass which she had been taking a sip from. "I am not going to pay two rents."

"I'm implying that you should just move in with me already. Duh."

"So I gathered." Lysithea can feel this conversation already treading dangerous waters, and she has barely walked through the door. She veers it towards safety. "Speaking of rent, you're still using my Netflix login. Does that contribute to my share?"

Hilda pretends to mull over the idea. "Only if I get to pick tonight's show."

"No horror," Lysithea says with a glare. "And no more drag races, either!"

"Why do you hate fun?"

"You know what? I'm picking the show this time." Lysithea starts towards the bedroom.

"Oh noooo," Hilda whines, trailing after her. "Not another nature documentary! Those narrators are always such a turn off!"

"I like learning new things."

"So do I. But I also like taking a break, and letting my braincells regenerate with some good old fashioned trashy television."

Crossing the bedroom, Lysithea sets her drink onto the bedside table and flops onto the mattress. It is so easy to fall back into these habits. It's most as though the last few weeks of staying away from Hilda's apartment never occurred.

Hilda sits beside her, cider in one hand, tablet in the other, already flicking through a list of shows for them to choose from. The music has been paused. She hands the tablet over while tilting the bottle back for a sip. Lysithea takes the device, and scrolls for an acceptable alternative to the documentary she originally had in mind.

"What about this?" Lysithea holds up the tablet for Hilda's inspection.

"Too sad. I would be a blubbering mess twenty minutes in."

That seems fair. Though Lysithea does not point out that she has extra tissues in her bag for just that purpose. She had started bringing them after the first experience of Hilda becoming a sobbing wreck during an emotional chick flick.

Lysithea keeps scrolling. "This?"

"Saw it last week. Was bored out of my mind, and abandoned it halfway through for a new jewellery project and a podcast about infectious diseases."

"You're so picky," Lysithea grumbles.

"Then pick something good for once."

Lysithea sticks out her tongue at her, then turns the screen around again. "Okay. How about this one?"

"Ohh, I've heard that one's good! But also thought-provoking. After the week I've had, my brain is not up for it." Hilda takes a last swig of her cider before setting it aside. "Turn around. I want to do your hair."

Setting the tablet aside, Lysithea gives up on the idea of finding a show for now. She turns without question. "What's wrong with my hair?"

Hilda touches her arm, and guides Lysithea back so that she's seated between Hilda's legs. "Nothing. I just want to try out a few different styles and see how they look on you."

"Hmm," Lysithea says in mild suspicion, but Hilda's fingers are running through her hair now, and she doesn't actually want her to stop. Hilda's hands are gentle and inquisitive, expertly parting her hair into sections.

"I can't believe this is your natural colour," Hilda says. "You know, when I first saw you, I thought you dyed it."

Lysithea snorts. "Like I would ever do that."

"Well, I mean, now I know better. Obviously."

"Neither of my parents have this hair colour. They're blonde but not like -"

"Peroxide blonde?" Hilda supplies helpfully.

"I was going to say 'etiolated' but yeah. Sure."

"Outstanding crossword clue, but not a word I would ever use to describe you."

"Are you sure about that? You should never try taking me to the beach, then," Lysithea says dryly.

Hilda has begun to pleat Lysithea's hair. "Let me guess: you go full goth. All black. Big hat. Sunglasses. Parasol."

In admonishment, Lysithea tickles the sensitive underside of Hilda's knee. Hilda squeaks, and jerks her leg.

"Don't be an ass," Lysithea says.

"You really wanna start a tickle war? Huh, punk? When I have you trapped between my legs?"

"That would mean risking the integrity of the braid you're working on, which you would never do."

"You severely underestimate how competitive I am."

Immediately Lysithea stiffens. "No tickles."

"Wow. Hypocrite much?" Hilda teases, but lets the topic drop. "Anyway. This summer we're going to the beach."

"What? Why?" Lysithea can't keep a slight whine from her voice.

"Because I want to take you swimsuit shopping. And also I want to wreck some fools at beach volleyball."

Lysithea has exactly zero doubt that Hilda would do just that. "Do you realise just how sunburnt I get?"

"That's what sunscreen and beach umbrellas are for. Now, let's see how you look."

Tying off Lysithea's hair with a spare elastic band from the bedside table, Hilda reaches for her phone. She uses the forward facing camera as a mirror. With her chin resting upon Lysithea's shoulder, Hilda studies their reflections on the screen.

"Not sure if a braid is quite your style," Hilda muses. She picks apart the braid with one hand, running her fingers through the waves left behind in Lysithea's ghost-pale hair. "Maybe a bun?" She twists the hair up, and her mouth forms a contemplative moue in the mirror. "I'm thinking something classic and scholarly. But stylish, not dowdy. You know?"

"Yeah. Sure," Lysithea replies, but she is not paying any attention.

She isn't even looking at herself in the reflection. She is too focused on the way Hilda is tucking a stray flyaway behind her ear, and the way Hilda's face rests so comfortably beside her own, and the way Hilda's chest is pressed against her back.

In the reflection, Lysithea's staring does not go unnoticed. Their eyes meet in the mirrored phone screen. Hilda grins, mischievous. She presses a kiss to Lysithea's cheek, and Lysithea is so preoccupied by it that she does not register the camera shutter noise indicating that Hilda has just snapped a picture.

Leaning her chin back in the crook of Lysithea's shoulder, Hilda wraps her arms around her to play with the phone in both hands.

"Cute," Hilda murmurs. She modifies the image slightly, and then sets it as her background.

Lysithea can feel Hilda's smile against her neck. The corner of Hilda's mouth is curled in one of her signature grins, the kind that she never can get enough of, no matter how much time they spend with one another.

"Hilda."

"Hmm?" Hilda tosses her phone aside, but remains where she is seated, wrapped up around her. She glances at Lysithea with a curious cant to her smile.

Before she can even comprehend what she's doing Lysithea turns her head and closes the distance between them. It is a chaste press of their mouths. Hilda freezes. The moment Lysithea realises what she has done, she pulls away. An apology is still on the tip of her tongue, when Hilda grabs her face and pulls her back down.

Lysithea isn't quite sure how it happens, but the next thing she knows is that she has turned around in Hilda's lap and is being thoroughly kissed.

One of Hilda's hands has pressed against Lysithea's lower back to steady her, and is now slipping beneath the hem of her shirt to trace the waistband of her skirt with clever fingertips. It sends a shiver racing up Lysithea's spine. Of the many ways Hilda is lazy, this is not one of them. She kisses skillfully and cannily, leading Lysithea along until Lysithea clutches at her shoulders.

Lysithea's knees dig into the mattress as she kneels over her, straddling one of Hilda's legs. When Hilda bends her knee so that Lysithea is seated upon her thigh, a coil of heat spools low. A noise rises, unbidden, in Lysithea's throat and is trapped between their mouths.

Hilda pulls away just enough to ask, "Is this alright? Can I -?"

"Yeah," Lysithea breathes, already tilting Hilda's head back for another kiss. "God, yeah."

Hilda's hands grasp at her waist, urging Lysithea to rock against her. Lysithea's grip on Hilda's shoulders tightens. When a whimper escapes her, the world pitches sideways as Hilda tumbles her over so that she is pressed back against the warm-scented sheets with Hilda crouched over her on all fours.

This time when Hilda reinitiates a kiss, it is urgent. Hilda lies flush against her, and rocks until Lysithea is gasping. She grasps at the back of Hilda's shirt, the fabric bunching between her fists. It does nothing to ground her; she can feel the pool of heat spreading in her stomach with every roll of Hilda's hips.

"Ha-Hang on. Just -" Lysithea pushes weakly at Hilda's shoulders, and Hilda immediately pulls back. Lysithea stares up at her, as if unsure that this is even real. "Are we -? Are we really doing this?"

"Do you mean in, like, a metaphysical sense?" Hilda asks, slightly breathless. "Or just in a 'oh my god are we finally gonna bone' sense?"

"The latter, of course." Though in truth, Lysithea thinks it's a little of column A and a little of column B.

"Okay. Good. In that case: only if you want to. Because I want to. Like a lot. But if you don't want to, then -"

"I want to," Lysithea blurts out before Hilda can even finish.

Tugging at the hem of Lysithea's shirt, Hilda says, "Great. Glad we've established that. Now, can we get this off? I've been dying to have you naked and under me for, like, months to be honest."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"What? And risk scaring you off?" Hilda snorts. "No way! Besides, who doesn't like a little anticipation, am I right?"

Lysithea makes a face, but helps Hilda get her top off. "No, thank you." Her voice is briefly muffled by cotton until the shirt is tossed carelessly onto the floor. "I much prefer to just get to the point."

In a single smooth motion, Hilda lowers herself down on her elbows once more so that their bodies are pressed together from chest to calf. Lysithea shivers when Hilda runs one of her hands lightly from her shoulder and stopping at her hip to toy with the waistband of her skirt. Slowly, she nudges Lysithea's head to one side so she can ghost her mouth against Lysithea's neck.

"Don't worry," Hilda breathes against her throat, "We'll work that bad habit right out of you."

Hilda shifts. Even through a layer of black fabric Lysithea can feel the flex of muscle in Hilda's abdomen as she presses a thigh between Lysithea's legs and drags it slowly upwards. Lysithea has to clench her teeth to keep herself from making a noise. Hilda repeats the motion, long and slow, so that she can hear the first faint creak of the mattress, and the entire bed rocks slightly.

Throughout it all Hilda is still lavishing Lysithea's bare neck and shoulders with attention. She has to pause to push aside some of Lysithea's long pale hair.

"Should've left it in the braid," she says, laughing softly against Lysithea's throat.

Lysithea takes the opportunity to tug at Hilda's shirt. "Can you take this off?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

Hilda pushes herself to her knees, and divests herself of both shirt and bra, casting them to the floor alongside the last scraps of Lysithea's dignity. Lysithea sucks in a sharp breath through her teeth, and stares.

"You okay there, tiger? You're not going to faint on me or anything, right?"

Lysithea opens her mouth to respond, but no sound comes out, so she shakes her head instead.

For a moment, Hilda's brows furrow. "Wait. You've done this before, haven't you? I mean it's totally fine if you haven't, but, like -"

"Once," Lysithea admits.

It had been in the last year of her undergraduate studies. She hadn't enjoyed it too much, but she hadn't hated it either. She'd been indifferent to the classmate who had asked her during one of their final study sessions. Honestly, she had been surprised at herself for replying that yes she would go back to his dorm for the evening. He didn't speak to her again after graduation, and that had suited her just fine.

"Though I know what I like to do to myself," Lysithea adds.

"Okay. Cool." Hilda has reached over for the elastic hairband, and is tying her own hair back into a single ponytail. "Just tell me if you want me to do anything different or whatever. I'm always open to requests, and feedback, and stuff."

"I'm fine with anything," Lysithea says, leaning up on her elbows to remove her own bra and fling it aside.

Hilda's answering grin glints wickedly. Her voice lowers to a note that makes Lysithea's breath catch in her chest. "You say that, but we'll take it nice and slow."

"As opposed to what?" Lysithea asks, but Hilda has placed a hand on her chest and is pushing her gently back down.

"As opposed to me strapping up and fucking you 'til you can't walk straight for the next few hours. Now, lie back. I want to go down on you."

Lysithea lies back. Her heart thuds in her chest. She feels dizzy and they have hardly done anything yet.

Hilda takes her dear sweet time working her way towards her final destination. She is languid but thorough. She teases Lysithea's breasts with mouth and teeth. She kisses her way slowly down to Lysithea's navel until Lysithea is squirming beneath her. Her hand inches up Lysithea's skirt to toy with the elastic band of her underwear before sliding the fabric down her legs. When Lysithea reaches for the zipper of her herringbone skirt however, Hilda nudges her hand aside.

"No, no. Leave it on. Just for now."

"Why?"

"Because the hot librarian look on you really does things for me."

"And here I thought you wanted a hot goth."

"Listen. There's only enough room for one hot goth in this family, and you're looking at her."

Lysithea gasps on a laugh, when Hilda begins to kiss up along her inner thigh. "How are you goth? Your favourite colour is pink."

"Excuse you. Pink is goth!" Hilda insists, but it is impossible to take her seriously when her head has been reduced to a bump beneath Lysithea's skirt.

"Is your strap on pink, too?"

"Why? You want to find out?"

"Yes."

She can feel Hilda snicker against her leg. And then Hilda places an open-mouthed kiss to her clit, and all thought of banter goes sailing out of Lysithea's head.

Her lower back arches, pushing her further against Hilda's mouth, but Hilda's hands hold her firmly in place. The slow, deliberate pace drives Lysithea half mad. Hilda rushes through nothing. Every time Lysithea's breathing starts to grow irregular and she clutches at the bedsheets like a lifeline, Hilda moves her attention somewhere else.

Lysithea loses track of time. She gasps towards the ceiling, her eyes squeezed shut. Dimly she is aware that not much time could have passed in the grand scheme of things, but it feels like she's taught classes shorter than this.

"I swear to god, Hilda, if you don't hurry up, I'll -"

At that, Hilda pauses entirely. "You'll what?" she asks, her voice muffled.

Thighs trembling, Lysithea doesn't answer.

Hilda pushes Lysithea's skirt up so that her flushed face comes into view. Her mouth and chin are slick, but she doesn't seem to care. "No, go on. I'm super curious to hear about what you'll do to me."

Lysithea's cheeks are already red. She glowers, but the effect is ruined by the way her legs are splayed open, and her breathing is ragged. "I'm - I'm really not good at dirty talk, if that's what you're aiming for."

Hilda shrugs, smiling. "Like I said. Nice and slow."

"You also said something about requests?" Lysithea asks. She waits for Hilda's nod before saying, "I don't like being treated like I'm made of glass, and I don't want nice and slow."

For a moment, Hilda just stares at her with wide eyes. Then she wipes her face clean with both hands. "Am I dreaming?" She lightly smacks her own cheeks. "Is this a dream?"

"Hilda."

"Right! Okay. Yeah. I'm on it. Just give me a sec."

For someone who had seemed to enjoy making Lysithea wait, it takes an impressively short amount of time for Hilda to kick off her shorts, and step into a harness. Though she has to rummage around beneath the bed for a plastic storage box beforehand.

Hilda is seated on the edge of the bed with a bottle of lube in her hands, and Lysithea sits up to run a hand across her back. She kisses Hilda's shoulder and relishes the reaction that invokes.

"You know," Hilda says, "this is really not how I expected this night to go. Not that I'm complaining or anything. Because I'm really not, let me tell you."

"I see that my suspicions are confirmed, and all you're good at is talking."

Hilda blinks at her in surprise, then laughs. She turns, pushing Lysithea back onto the mattress so that Lysithea lies beneath her.

"Haven't you figured it out yet?" Hilda grins down at her. "I am great at multitasking."

Hilda is lying between her legs, and Lysithea can't think of a witty retort. She's still incredibly wet from when Hilda had started using her mouth, but regardless Hilda has taken every precaution, and the toy is slick with lubricant. It is also predictably, violently pink.

Lysithea angles her head back, when Hilda kisses the line of her jaw. Her skirt bunches up around her waist. She bites her lower lip but can't keep a whimper at bay as Hilda eases the tip of the toy inside of her. Her knees splay open to accommodate the stretch, and one of Hilda's hands glides up her thigh to grip her by the waist and hold her steady.

A dull thrill of pleasure winds up Lysithea's spine as Hilda takes the time to work the shaft fully into her. By the time their hips are brought flush together, Lysithea is panting towards the ceiling, her breaths coming in short sharp bursts. She can feel Hilda's mouth at her neck, the gentle rasp of teeth at her throat.

Then Hilda pulls back. She draws the toy almost completely free, and sinks it fully in place once more in a single slow thrust. The second time the motion is repeated, Lysithea angles her hips up to receive it. The joint movement sets the toy more firmly inside her, and draws a sound from her lips.

The noise seems to spur Hilda on, for the next thrust bears a bit more weight. She uses one forearm to hold herself up, and her other hand grips Lysithea's waist tight, urging her along, encouraging a more exaggerated roll of her hips. It isn't until a steadier pace has been set that Hilda pushes off of her forearm to kneel between Lysithea's legs.

Shifting somewhat, Hilda guides Lysithea's knees to the angle she wants, and murmurs, "Relax. Let me do the work."

Relaxing is the absolute last thing on Lysithea's mind. Lying back like this, she can't reach Hilda's shoulders, so instead she grabs at the bedsheets for purchase. Hilda drives her hips forward, and a sharp cry is wrenched from Lysithea's throat.

"You alright?" Hilda asks even as she thrusts again at the same pace.

"Y-Yes."

The single syllable ends on a breathless noise. Hilda drives the toy to its base again and again in a hard, steady, unrelenting rhythm. A jolt rushes headlong through Lysithea with every thrust. The mattress creaks in time with their movements, and the bed's base knocks against the wall. At any other time she would have been relieved that the bed is situated against the wall facing the living room and not a neighbour's apartment, but she can't bring herself to care now.

Lysithea doesn't know how Hilda is able to maintain the pace, let alone increase it. At one point, Hilda has to pause to readjust, almost effortlessly lifting Lysithea's hips so that she can brace herself and continue with short rapid thrusts. With a hard quick rhythm, it doesn't take long for Lysithea's breath to start hitching every time the curved end of the toy is lodged deep inside her. She comes with a sharp cry, hands grasping at Hilda's lower back when there's no sign that she will relent and slow down.

Eventually, Hilda does slow and instead grinds their hips together, her hand wandering downwards until her thumb is stroking softly against Lysithea's clit. She continues until Lysithea is shuddering and seeing stars again. Fingernails digging into Hilda's lower back, Lysithea can't stop her hips from bucking when Hilda maintains that constant pressure all while keeping the touch of her thumb feather-light.

When a broken note cracks at the back of Lysithea's throat, Hilda stops.

"Sorry," Hilda breathes. "Too much?"

Lysithea nods faintly, and her voice is strained when she says, "A little. But keep going."

For a moment, Hilda does nothing. She watches Lysithea with an intense and unblinking expression. Her forearms tremble slightly, and Lysithea can feel a light prickling of sweat that has gathered along the divot of Hilda's spine. A few strands of pink hair have escaped from Hilda's ponytail, and stick to her temples.

Then she starts moving again, and Lysithea hisses through clenched teeth. She squeezes her eyes shut. Hilda resumes a staccato rhythm of shallow thrusts, but her thumb circles slowly, out of time and gentle in comparison. Lysithea's lower back is set back down on the mattress, and the sudden shift in angle makes her grind her hips upwards to seek more friction against Hilda's fingers. With her free hand, Hilda holds her down by the waist, carefully controlling the balance between the hard press of the toy and the soft caress of her thumb.

Whenever she touched herself alone, Lysithea has always stopped after finishing. This is new. This wavers on the bleeding edge of beyond the pale. She feels trapped in a fugue state where every single one of Hilda's motions seems too much to bear and not enough simultaneously. As if from a distance Lysithea hears the feeble, plaintive whines that escape her own throat.

Hilda only slows to a halt when Lysithea's heels begin to slip and flounder against the bedsheets. Lysithea can still feel small aftershocks racing through her, clenching at the toy until Hilda pulls out of her. Lysithea is barely aware of the sticky silicone bulge against her already slick inner thigh.

Hilda sounds winded when she speaks, "Alright, I would really appreciate if you'd just, like, do literally anything to me, because I am unbelievably turned on right now."

With trembling hands, Lysithea tugs at the harness to loosen it. Hilda helps, their hands fumbling as Lysithea leans up to kiss her. After the harness has finally been kicked to the foot of the bed, Lysithea manages to get Hilda on her back. Her arms and knees can barely keep herself up, and Lysithea has to drop down to her elbows.

Whereas before Hilda's movements were precise and controlled, now they are sloppy and desperate. She is already making high-pitched impatient noises, as Lysithea leans down to mouth at her breasts.

It takes Lysithea a moment to realise that only one of Hilda's hands is clutching her shoulder. The other is already between her own legs. A glance down confirms that Hilda has buried three fingers up to the knuckle inside herself, and is frantically seeking release.

"Now who's impatient," Lysithea mumbles around Hilda's nipple.

"I don't think you understand how close I am," Hilda gasps. "Please, just -"

Lysithea reaches down. Rather than push Hilda's wrist aside, she manoeuvres her hand in such a way that her fingers can slip against Hilda's clit at the same time.

Immediately, Hilda cries out. Her free hand tangles in Lysithea's hair and holds her in head in place. Even so, Lysithea is nearly dislodged by the shuddering jump of Hilda's hips every time Lysithea's fingers circle her clit.

Hilda is noisy. She writhes when she comes, gripping the back of Lysithea's head tight, and chanting the first broken syllable of Lysithea's name until her cries dissolve into utter incoherence. Shivers continue to roll through her, slowing in time with both their fingers.

When Hilda's muscles begin to relax, and she pulls her fingers out of herself, Lysithea follows suit. Rolling onto her side, the two of them lie on their backs, and the only sounds in the room are their harsh breathing. Lysithea can feel Hilda's arm pressed up against her own. Gracelessly, Hilda wipes her own fingers off on the sheets, but otherwise does not move.

Lysithea dares to break the silence. "Are you normally so quick to get off?"

Hilda lets out a huff of breathless laughter. "Not really, no. But fucking you was hot. Like, really hot. And this thing -" Hilda weakly hooks her foot into the harness' straps, and lifts it a little from the bed. The pink dildo dangles comically from the ring that holds it in position. "- was rubbing me the whole time. I almost came, like, twice when I was getting you off. Why? We're you not impressed by my godlike stamina?"

Lysithea rolls her eyes, but Hilda is grinning at her with that old familiar roguishness, but for the fact that her hair is darkened with sweat, and she is both very naked and sated. Like a proverbial cat, though Lysithea herself has never felt less like a canary.

"I would be lying if I said no," Lysithea concedes.

In response, Hilda brushes the backs of her fingers against Lysithea's leg. Then she sits bolt upright. "The oven!" she says with wide eyes, until she places a hand over her chest, and heaves a sigh of relief. "Oh, wait. I turned it off. Thank god."

"It hasn't been forty minutes anyway," Lysithea adds.

"Are you sure about that?"

Hilda leans over her and taps her phone on the bedside table just to wake up the lock screen display. She tilts the screen towards Lysithea so she can see.

Turning her head aside on the mattress, Lysithea's stares in incredulity. "An hour and a half?"

"Yeah. That chicken parmigiana would've been charcoal." Hilda bounces a bit further down the bed, picking up the strap on and giving it a preliminary wipe down on the sheets as well.

Lysithea sits up, and swings her legs over the side of the bed. The moment she does so, her skirt falls around her knees. She can feel the area of fabric that has been soaked through. With a grimace, Lysithea unzips her skirt and slides it down her legs.

"We may not have ruined dinner, but we have ruined my favourite skirt," she laments. Then looks at the bed. "And your sheets."

"I'll wash them." Hilda holds out her hand, and Lysithea passes the skirt over to her.

"Thanks. Though it is your fault, to be fair."

"That's a compliment, thank you very much. Totally worth it. Eleven out of ten." Hilda checks the skirt's tag to see if there are any special washing requirements. She grins over the skirt at her. "Wanna mess up some more clothes?"

"I am going to need a few hours to recover," Lysithea says. "And a bath."

"Can I join you?"

Hilda has begun to strip the pillows of their casings, chucking the fabric along with her skirt over towards the bathroom door. Gripping the edge of the bed, Lysithea studies in fascination how relaxed Hilda is. About everything. Meanwhile just sitting here leaves Lysithea reeling, like she's in some alternative dimension.

They have just had sex -- really quite fantastic sex, if Lysithea is being honest with herself -- yet they still haven't spoken about anything in any material sense.

"I really like you," Lysithea blurts out before her courage fails her.

Hilda snorts in amusement, tugging the bedsheet free from the two corners of the mattress nearest her. "Well, that's good. Otherwise this would be kind of awkward. Can you get up real quick?"

Lysithea gapes at her. "Wait. That's it?"

"What do you mean: 'that's it?'"

"What do you mean: 'what do I mean?'" Realising that this is starting to border on the ridiculous, Lysithea lets go of the sheets she has bunched in her hands. "I just - I just was hoping for something a bit more -- I don't know -- concrete."

Hilda eyebrows have risen towards her hairline. "Concrete."

"Are you just going to repeat everything I say? Because if so, then -"

Hilda interrupts before Lysithea can finish that sentence. "I think you need to see an optometrist, because I am pretty sure I've been dropping hints that I've been super into you and wanted to date you for at least, like, three months now -- maybe more -- and I am not someone known for my subtlety."

A slow flush mottles Lysithea's pale cheeks a ruddy hue. "Oh."

"So, anyway, is that a yes on the bath? Because otherwise I can just take a shower after you're done."

"That's a yes to the bath." Lysithea staunchly refuses to feel embarrassed by how easily this conversation has occured after worrying about it for weeks and weeks.

"Great." Hilda leans over to drop a brief kiss to Lysithea's temple. "Now, I'm going to throw all of these sheets in the washing machine, chuck this -" she brandishes the bright pink dildo like a battle axe, "- in the dishwasher, and then make sure we get to actually eat something tonight. But first, I'm going to need you to get up."

She tugs at the bedsheet under Lysithea for emphasis.

Lysithea sighs. "Alright. I'll go run the bath."

She tries to stand, but her legs wobble and she has to sit immediately back down or else risk collapsing to the floor. Delicately clearing her throat, she stretches her legs out, and can't suppress a slight wince at the twinge in her knees and thighs.

"Nevermind," Lysithea says primly. She does not meet Hilda's gaze. "I'll go run the bath in a moment."

Hilda laughs.

--

They don't leave the apartment for almost two days. By the time Sunday evening rolls around, Lysithea feels more well rested than she's been since starting the PhD program three years ago. She is also significantly more relaxed. It is a joint effort, a combination of copious amounts of both sleep and sex.

Eventually however, Hilda is champing at the bit to get out of the house even for a little while. She drags Lysithea down the road for walkies, and to grab some cheap takeaway for dinner. Neither of them could be bothered to put on real clothes. Lysithea is swimming in a borrowed pair of black sweatpants and a white hoodie with a gold crown threaded across the back.

Hilda holds her hand. She laces their fingers together, and swings their arms in a broad arc, chatting all the while. Lysithea allows it, but feels a bit silly. She casts a glance around and tightens her grip whenever someone passes them, but nobody seems to care, least of all Hilda.

If the past few days have taught Lysithea anything, it's that Hilda has very little concept of shame. She acknowledges its existence, but disregards it utterly. More than once, Lysithea had to scurry around the apartment and draw the curtains, while Hilda strode about wearing not a stitch of clothing.

Not that Lysithea would ever berate Hilda into putting on clothes when they are alone. She rather likes the view.

At the restaurant, their order, which Lysithea had called in back at the apartment, is already sitting on the counter in plastic bags, waiting. A weary-looking cashier with a five o'clock shadow - one that has extended to well beyond eight o'clock - rings them up on a battered register.

Hilda swaps cash for the plastic bags. After she's scooped up the change, she heads towards the exit. "Let's hurry back. I want you to ride my face."

Lysithea almost trips. Her face burns, and she looks over her shoulder to find the bored cashier completely ignoring them. She hurries through the door after Hilda, who is waiting for her on the street just outside. This time however, Lysithea is the one to reach for Hilda's hand. She receives a playful stroke against the sensitive skin of her wrist in return. It sends a shiver of anticipation racing up her arm.

By the time they actually get around to eating at the apartment, the food is cold and Lysithea's knees are sore. They stand in the kitchen, leaning against the counters, and eat directly out of the cartons. Lysithea is wearing nothing but one of Hilda's oversized shirts, and Hilda is wearing nothing but an impressive smattering of bruises at her neck and shoulder. Lysithea admires them while she twirls her fork through cold takeaway.

"So," Hilda waggles her eyebrows as she puts aside her carton of food. "I take it that you're still really great at being available for dating?"

Lysithea shrugs. "Depends on who's asking. I'm very picky, you know."

Hilda bumps their shoulders together. "C'mon and date me already. Officially, anyway. Since we've basically been dating for, like, months now, except without all the great sexy times I could have been providing."

Lysithea tries to hide a smile by taking an extra large bite of food. She isn't very successful. "Oh, fine."

"Oh, fine," Hilda mimics. "Like you aren't dying to be my super cute and awesome girlfriend."

"Well, when you put it like that -"

"- How can you resist?" Hilda kisses her cheek. "Trick question. You can't."

Rolling her eyes, Lysithea allows the fork and carton to be taken from her hands and placed aside. She accepts another kiss, when Hilda drapes her arms around her neck.

"I was eating that," Lysithea says.

"You can eat me instead."

"I already did."

"Well, apparently you're still hungry."

"You're insufferable," she mumbles against Hilda's mouth.

"You love it."

Lysithea does. She kisses Hilda rather than say it aloud.