#stupid fucking gender studies minor. why do i even need a gender studies minor. i hate academia why did i do that

[livvyofthelake]

deadline for the essay changed but i still essentially have to finish it tonight because like i won't be able to do it tomorrow when i have to do the OTHER essay tomorrow. so. like that's useless to me but thank you ig :/

[rinusagitora]

I'll be the villain you blame.

Fandom: Bleach Characters: Momo Hinamori, Sousuke Aizen, Nanao Ise, Izuru Kira, Shuuhei Hisagi, Renji Abarai Pairings: badship AiHina, minor RenShuuKiraHina Words: 2.5k Summary: A study in invisible labor, gender inequity, & rage. Warnings for abusive relationships, cannibalism, & mild gore. AO3: works/50610688 A/N: I forgot what list I used for this & can't keep a schedule worth shit, so I'm just posting it now lmao I used various black metal, In This Moment, & Otep songs as inspiration. There are so many good ones.

"What do you mean you won't make dinner?"

It's not a question, but a demand for a damn good answer. Momo is elbow-deep in a wash basin bubbling with soap and waterlogged shitagi. Sweat pours down her sides from her pits.

"I have shit to do," he replies.

Her teeth grind. "And I don't?"

"You're washing laundry."

Thank you, Captain Obvious, and here she thought her hands were cramping from doing nothing.

"These stains are going to take hours getting out," she says, "so unless you want dingy laundry or dinner late, I need you to make us some food."

"I'm going to an Association meeting. I'll be eating there."

Momo's seen the Shinigami Men's Association. It's an excuse for officers to goof off.

"Okay. And what am I going to do for food after washing the laundry? It's going to be late when you finish."

Sousuke rolls his eyes. He doesn't even shut the door behind him when he fucks off.

It's times like these Momo wants to take his skin and put it through a wash cycle while he cries for help from their bed. See how he likes it.

Momo ought to, at least, lock the door behind him. He'll have to sleep on the engawa and explain to a passerby why that it. Briefly, it makes her smile thinking of it. My wife locked me out because I'm a piece of shit who dicks around while she scrubs my house clean. What a bitch, right?

It's pipe dreams. Even if someone catches him sleeping on the engawa, he'll make her look like a hysterical cunt.

---

He's home at three. Wakes her up to regale her with the fun he had while the Men's Association sang songs around a campfire.

Momo groans. "Honey, I need some sleep before we go into work."

He snorts. "You've slept for hours."

She really hasn't. There's maybe four hours under her belt. The bottoms of his socks took hours to whiten completely. Part of her was tempted to leave it, but picturing her husband in gray laundry just reminded her how bad his feet smell, and she couldn't bring herself to neglect it the way he's able to.

"I'm really tired, Sousuke, laundry took forever."

His face scrunches. "God, is it such a chore for you to listen to me?"

Momo wants to laugh, but knows it would start an argument she's much too tired for. "Fine. Go on."

She tries to sleep while he blathers, but he doesn't stop talking until the blue light of morning peeks through their window.

---

Sousuke takes a sick day. If Momo joins him, nothing will get done in the office, and he'll bitch about it for days like it wasn't something avoided easily enough by just having made dinner.

Nanao sometimes visits during lunch breaks. Momo thinks their friendship spawned of their mutually useless men. Her uncle can't even be bothered to wear socks or spit out poisonous reeds he chews on.

At least his feet don't smell as bad.

"Oh my god, you look exhausted."

Momo hums. "Sousuke was out late and woke me up when he came home. I couldn't go back to sleep."

"On a work night?" Nanao says while she scowls.

"It was a Men's Association gathering."

"Well, that's stupid," she says while unpacking bento. "I brought goodies, though, if you'd like to take a break."

The smell of soup and steak wafts to Momo and it makes her misty-eyed. When is she ever cared for? How long have she and Sousuke been married, and what has he done for her?

Momo wracks her brain while she and Nanao eat but can't think of a single chore he's done, or even a single thank you he's uttered.

---

All she wants to do is sleep when she comes home, but Sousuke has other plans.

"The irori is full," Sousuke says. Sure enough, the pot is laying on coals. "I have some paperwork to finish. Can you clean it out before dinner?"

Momo's teeth grind. "What's this paperwork?"

"November's budget."

"Wasn't that due yesterday?" she says.

"Yeah, but I was busy,"

"Busy goofing off with the Association members."

Sousuke scowls. "Can you just clean the fucking hearth?"

Her teeth grind. "Fine. Please run a bath for me."

"I told you, I have to do the budget."

"The budget that was due yesterday. Yesterday, which you spent hours goofing off during, instead of working."

"Will you stop nagging me?" he snaps. "Just clean the fucking irori."

Momo takes a deep breath. There's a beat of silence between them. "I'll clean it... please run me a bath so I can wash off when I finish."

"I just told you I'm fucking busy," Sousuke says.

Another beat of silence. "You can't take ten seconds to turn a fucking faucet?" she says.

"You can run it yourself. You're a big girl."

She curls her fists and utters a long groan. Her teeth grind. A headache radiates into her skull. "Indeed. I'm also a big girl who hasn't slept since three in the morning, am very tired, and would like a bath after cleaning the irori. I'm fairly certain your budget can be turned in twenty seconds later than it would be without you running a bath for me."

"What the fuck is this martyr act about? Seriously, you're behaving as if I've shot you."

"I don't know how to explain it anymore clearly than I have already!" she snaps. 

"You haven't explained shit, Momo!" he returns with equal vitriol. "You're blathering on about nonsense like I'm some fucking criminal. What the fuck is wrong with you tonight?"

Something inside Momo snaps like a dry twig.

"You fucked around last night instead of doing the budget, and now it's overdue, then you woke me up, chat for hours about how much fun you had procrastinating the budget so I've gotten no sleep, then you called off work because you fucked around too late to get any meaningful sleep before we're supposed to go to work, which left me to pick up your slack, and when I come home utterly exhausted, you can't even bother to turn a faucet for me while I get filthy cleaning out the motherfucking hearth. Is that fucking clear enough, Sousuke?"

His hands slam on his desk and he flies to his feet. It rattles Momo like he's going to hit her. "I don't have to fucking listen to this shit, Momo. I'm your superior officer and you will treat me with respect I'm owed."

"You're my husband! You asked me to marry you because you loved me!" Her scream is so shrill that she wonders if the windows will shatter in its wake. It would be nice to be validated. To have some fucking control. To turn Sousuke into a pin cushion of glass shards. Maybe then he'll listen. Maybe he'll tiptoe around her instead and give into her whims so she can fucking rest.

He spits on her instead.

The glob of saliva and mucus rolls down her cheek. It leaves a trail like a snail. She's stunned while he storms out. It's like there's a delay between her and reality. Like time decompresses. When it returns to normal, there's an explosion.

Momo throws her fist into the wall. It gives underway. She's bleeding and full of splinters when she frees herself but can't bring herself to give a flying fuck. Instead, she storms out like Sousuke, hearth be damned.

She needs a fucking drink.

She doesn't even know the name of the bar she storms into. Momo thinks she scares the bartender because he doesn't make a peep when she asks for a pitcher of beer, just places it in front of her a few moments later. She doesn't even use the provided glass and tips it into her open mouth instead. Some of it dribbles onto her collar but she doesn't fucking care because it doesn't even begin to wash down her outrage.

"Hinamori?"

Beer goes down the wrong tube when she hears her name. Izuru takes a seat like nothing happened. For a moment, his fair face has semblance to the wall she put her fist through, and her brain feeds her an image of his skull exploding around her right hook. It makes Momo want to throw up.

Izuru pats her back. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you."

"No, it's fine, I'm just a little absent-minded because I haven't slept well."

Momo hates that she's making excuses, that she's covering for her husband, but she isn't sure she has it in her to be told she's making mountain out of mole hills, even if it's by a dear friend.

"I can tell," he says. "Hey, Abarai and Hisagi are with me, why don't you drink with us? It's been awhile."

Momo kind of doesn't want to, but isn't able to concoct a reasonable excuse to decline, so she follows Izuru to their booth.

"Hey, it's been awhile," Shuuhei says while she slides into the booth next to Renji. "How's it going?"

"Fine," she fibs politely, then sips beer like she isn't a ravenous, vexed alcoholic.

Renji looks her over but he doesn't say anything. Momo wonders if he's clocked her exhaustion. He's always been good at reading people.

Shuuhei laughs. "Good to hear. We thought something was wrong when we saw you pounding your drink."

Momo groans. "It's fine. My husband and I just got into an argument and I wanted to blow off some steam."

"Makes sense," Renji replies. He reaches under the table and rubs her leg. It makes her head fall onto his shoulder. For now, she'll chalk it up to exhaustion.

"Marriage seems... hard," Izuru says.

"I can imagine so," Shuuhei says.

"It's just..." Momo trails off. She pinches her sinuses so she doesn't start bawling her eyes out. "I just don't get why he can't do simple things. Like, I was cleaning the irori when I asked him to run me a bath, but he threw a tantrum over it for some reason."

Part of her expects them to shrug it off, to call her hysterical, but Izuru says, "I don't understand why that would be a chore for him."

"Thank you," she says with wry laughter.

"Yeah, it's not hard," Renji agrees.

Momo takes another drink. "I'm sure all couples argue about chores." She hates herself more for bitching about him and then covering for him. It feels wishy washy. It feels like malicious lies.

"Sure, but... I don't know. It doesn't seem hard to just run a bath while you clean," Izuru replies.

It's times like these Momo wishes she married Izuru. It makes her sad she thought poorly of Izuru's intentions. For now, she'll chalk it up to exhaustion, like the day dream she has of being facedown in her pillow with Izuru's fist around her neck while he rails her slick pussy.

She laughs. "I thought so too. Alas, I'm the insane one asking for a simple favor."

"Why'd you even marry him?" Shuuhei asks. "He's unpleasant to be around as, like, a whole. He's pedantic."

"He was different not too long ago." Alas, this is her punishment for fucking her superior. Blow up the relationship and the squad blows up. Her career blows up. Everything blows up. The shrapnel will only go into her face, and he'll be unscathed, even if she screams about his incompetence from the rooftops.

Momo should've fucking married Izuru. He isn't an asshole even if he doesn't put his socks in the hamper.

---

In the lulls of her contributions to their conversation, Momo daydreams of each of them kissing her sore limbs and making love to her. Of being passed around them. She doesn't say anything even after taking her home around eleven. It's later than Momo would've liked but she didn't really want to escape their company after Izuru bought them a round of tequila shots. They took her home because she could hardly walk between exhaustion and intoxication.

Momo knows she passed out the second she covered herself in her quilt, but it's like she hasn't slept a wink when Sousuke shakes her awake and kisses her.

She's expecting an apology, but then he unties his obi. He's hard.

He's an asshole and expects her to fuck him at three in the morning when she's exhausted and angry. Somehow, his sobriety makes her even angrier, like this shit would be better if he was wasted.

Momo throws a right hook into the center of his face. Bones crunch under her fist, like the wall, and he squeals like a stuck pig.

"You wanna fuck after everything you said?" she screams in disbelief. "You can't even be bothered to fucking apologize?"

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Sousuke howls while he clutches his face. He's like a petulant child. It makes her cunt recede into her pelvis.

"What's wrong with me? It's four in the morning! I haven't slept hardly five hours since yesterday morning, but you wake me up after a huge fight when I'm utterly fucking exhausted to fuck me like you weren't a raging fucking asshole earlier!

Sousuke doesn't get a word in before Momo is on her feet and knees him. He's pushed into a fetal position, grunting and crying, and it's oil on fire.

"You're the most neglectful fucking asshole I know!" she screams. "You can't do anything! You're seriously a fucking baby and you expect me to fucking spoon feed you! If I wanted to marry an infant, I would've robbed a fucking cradle!"

Magic coils in her hands. Her rage is consistently underestimated, the same as her labor is unappreciated and unreciprocated. She could spend months cleaning his home-- his home, because it's not hers, its not theirs, she's just a maid-- without so much as a thank you or a finger lifted to help.

It coalesces as fire in her palms. It barrels into Sousuke's face and roasts his hair and his skin. The smell is acrid, but there's no air for him to scream. She can see him trying to but all it's doing is burning his insides. There isn't enough oxygen to scream, not when its eaten by fire.

Sousuke wheezes when the fire stops. Momo assumes his vocal chords are fried. It's pathetic and blissful. 

Momo recenters and sends fire to his crotch. She'll find better cock.

---

She's quite bedraggled and the floor is blackened once she finally finishes. Sousuke's top layers are charred to shit. The smell of burnt hair is long gone, and there's just the smell of seared meat now.

It makes her belly rumble.

There's the issue of the body, of course, and the most horrific epiphany occurs to her while her chest heaves.

He can't make dinner. Why can't she make him into dinner?

---

Momo sends a courier to Izuru, Renji, and Shuuhei inviting them over for dinner when she goes to work in the morning. She sliced Sousuke's buttocks and thighs into steaks, rubbed them with chilis and spices, and served them over potatoes, onions, and asparagus. There isn't a clean plate in the house before the night ends. They even help with the dishes.

[scuttling]

Flirt

Fandom: Criminal Minds Pairing: Aaron Hotchner/Latina OFC Sophie Cortes Word Count: 1,189 Tags: SFW, Pre-relationship, Jealousy, Flirting, Denial Summary: An officer flirts with Sophie, and Aaron gets jealous. Collection: Sophie Cortes timeline, 7-12 Months at the BAU (See Masterlist for reading order) Link to AO3 or read below! “You look young to be in the FBI,” a uniformed officer says to Cortes when they gather around, waiting to give a profile, and Hotch overhears. “Are you a genius like the doctor?”

“No one is quite like Dr. Reid,” she replies with a fond smile, arms crossed comfortably. “I just focused very hard on school, didn’t leave time for much else.”

“That’s a polite way of saying, ‘Yes, Officer Wilson, I am a genius. Way smarter than you.’” She laughs at his comment, and he laughs too, and something about it irks Hotch.

The officer is, objectively, average—early 30s, 5’10”, blond hair, athletic build, handsome—and he hasn’t done anything blatant to throw up a red flag, but Hotch keeps his ears open, more on edge than he’d normally be in this setting, though he can’t say why.

“I wasn’t gonna say it,” Cortes says playfully, and the officer looks at her with interest.

“What did you go to college for?” he asks, and she glances over at him, cocks her head.

“You really want to know?” He nods, smiles, and she shakes her head good-naturedly. “I have bachelors degrees in Sociology and Psychology. A masters in Criminology. A masters in Behavioral Science.” He whistles, a big grin on his face.

“Damn, that’s impressive. No time for a minor, I guess.”

“No, I minored in Gender and Sexuality studies.” The man’s eyes get wide, eyebrows raised, and she rolls her eyes lightly. “Yeah, men always seem to cling to that one.” He clears his throat, focuses.

“But see, I knew you were a genius. A young, pretty genius.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere, Officer Wilson,” she says, looking straight ahead, but her face is not unkind.

“Not even the café down the street? Much better atmosphere than this place, and I’d love to hear more about all those degrees you have.” He grins, and she glances over at him. Hotch doesn’t want to hear what she says next.

“Alright, I think it’s time we deliver the profile,” he decides suddenly, and sharply, apparently, because Cortes’s eyes snap quickly to his. “Would you like to begin, Agent Cortes?”

“Of course,” she replies, looking a little confused by his tone, and she addresses the room.  “That’s one of the nicer precincts I’ve seen in New York,” Cortes says later when the two of them climb into an SUV to meet the detectives at a crime scene. It was rather nice, compared to others, but Hotch isn’t in the mood to be kind. “Good coffee,” she tacks on, and he nods.

“I’m surprised you noticed, with all the flirting you were doing.” She pauses in buckling her safety belt, looks over at him with her eyebrows raised.

“Excuse me?” He stares straight ahead.

“I noticed you were flirting with that officer when we were waiting to give the profile, that’s all.” She clicks the seat belt a little roughly, crosses her arms, and he starts the car and heads for the crime scene.

“I wasn’t flirting with anyone, and if I were going to flirt with someone at work, I certainly wouldn’t be stupid enough to do it two feet from my boss.”

“It sounded like flirting to me; my mistake.” He knows he’s got a tone, one that he shouldn’t be using during this discussion—hell, he shouldn’t even be having this discussion. Sophie seems to agree.

“It’s insulting that you think I can’t have a conversation with a man without flirting with him.” He clenches his jaw, because that’s not what he’s saying.

“I know you’re capable. You have conversations with me all the time. I’m just telling you how it appeared to me.”

“Well I’m telling you what actually happened.” She moves a hand to her head like he’s causing it to ache, looks out the window. “This conversation would never be happening if I was male.”

“This conversation has nothing to do with your gender.”

“What does it have to do with then, Hotch?” She looks over at him, but he doesn’t answer, can’t. She closes her eyes, shakes her head. “It doesn’t even matter, forget about it.”

He can’t forget about it, knows he fucked up, but the way he felt when she was talking with Wilson… he can’t ignore that, either. Later that night, when the others are having a celebratory drink at the bar, Sophie sits alone, staring out the window at the dark skyline. He swallows his pride and walks over, takes the seat next to her. “I’m sorry about what I said to you earlier. I was stressed and I projected it onto you. That’s not an excuse, just an explanation. My behavior was uncalled for.” She looks over slowly, like she’s thinking about just ignoring him but can’t, nods her head slightly.

“Yes, it was. But I accept your apology.” She swirls her drink, mostly untouched and a little watered down, by the looks of it. “And just so you know, I don’t flirt like that.” The corners of her lips turn up in a very slight smile.

“Oh? How do you flirt, then? Not that you’d be stupid enough to do it two feet from your boss,” he tacks on, and she laughs.

“I’m much more direct. I’d look into his eyes, for one,” she says, looking into his. Both sets are brown, but his are unremarkable where hers are dark and deep and shining. “If he’s wearing accessories, I’ll mention it, so he knows I pay attention to detail; I love your watch,” she demonstrates, reaching out a hand to tap the silver band of his. “Watches are good, because it gives me an excuse to bring our hands closer. Ties are nice, too; this really brings out your eyes.” She looks down at and smooths a hand over his tie, which is light gray with a white stripe, then flicks her eyes back up to his. “Are you following me, so far?”

“I think so,” he says, and he feels himself getting a little warm under her gaze.

“Good. So then, if I think he’s interested, I might drop a hint or two. Something like, ‘I have a room upstairs, but I’m not ready to be alone just yet, so I think I’ll have one more drink’. Maybe he offers to come up and keep me company… Or maybe he’s a little old-fashioned, isn’t ready for that just yet. Then again, maybe hints don’t work with him. Maybe he needs things spelled out very clearly.” She leans in a little, and then Morgan appears between them.

“We’re all getting ready to head up, wanted to see if you guys were ready,” he says, and Sophie takes one last sip of her watered down drink, slides off her stool.

“Yeah, I’m definitely ready for bed. Are you, Hotch?” she asks, and it’s an innocent enough question, but it trips him up, and he takes a few seconds too long to answer.

"Yes. Lead the way.” He usually avoids touching himself when they’re out on a case, but for some reason, that night he has an urge he can’t resist.

[dannyphantom-rewrite]

Character ref for; Jack, Maddie and Jazz,

Art by @gally-hin / @gally-hin-phantom

Okay so first off; in terms of Actual redesign, I didn't change a whole lot. I'm actually very fond of Jack and Maddie's design's, my only real issue was with their proportions. Like...look as a lady person who is also thiCC I do not have a fucking wasp thin waist and I'm sure I'm not the only one, lmao. As for Jack? Godamnit he looked like a brick on toothpicks. Just Let him be a fucking Bara man! Anyway of course I asked Gally to do this one bc they're fucking great at drawing different body types

I also cannot and will not take credit for Jazz's outfit. I didn't have any issue with her canon clothes aside from them being a bit plain, so what she's wearing here was literally pulled straight off of her original concept art, which I will link here.

Anyway, getting to the Actual character lore now, let's start with

Maddie Fenton

-Full name is Madeline (I haven't decided on a maiden name yet)

-Born and raised on a farm in Arkansas, had a southern accent that she trained herself out of in college bc it was just one more reason for people not to take her seriously. Still sometimes uses "y'all" completely unironically bc old habits die hard.

-She has a really big family, and they're proud of her accomplishments but feel like she's wasting her talent studying ghosts, because really, up until the Fenton portal was up and running there wasn't even any solid proof they existed. Her sister Alicia is the one outlier there, and even if she doesn't understand, it she completely supports her.

-She majored in engineering and minored in psychology at Wisconsin EDU. Her, Jack and Vlad were all in the same engineering class, and that's where they met.

-Maddie is particularly interested in how ghosts think, analysing their behavior, their motives. Not only that, but they aren't just dead people with unfinished business, they've built an entire culture in the Ghost Zone that is completely seperate from humanity, and she wants to understand all of it.

-skilled marksman and 9th degree black belt, (which is. The highest fucking level there is holy shit? I looked it up after I saw it on her wiki page.)

Jack Fenton

-He's from Minnesota (Amity park is in Illinois and him and Maddie didn't move there until after they got married) 

-okay, "but why minnesota specifically" you ask? Because. I crave. Foot ball discourse. 

-minnesota vikings vs green bay packers guys do you UNDERSTAND WHERE IM GOING WITH THIS 

-The funny thing is that Jack only watches football casually while Vlad is a fucking die hard so when these two got together to see a game it was like....

-Jack: Here to chill and have a good time.

-Vlad: Primed and ready to start a fist fight at any given moment.

-I am never not going to be salty about how Canon Jack was portrayed like a complete moron 99% percent of the time. Like no...theres a difference between Actual Stupid and ADHD induced dumbass-ery.

-Am I saying Jack Fenton has ADHD? Yes. why? Because I also have ADHD and I have always vibed So Hard with his Character.

-Jack is loud and easily excited about things that interest him. He's impulsive and fidgety and yeah, a bit absent minded. He has a mouth that clearly runs so much faster than his head. His train of thought doesn't get derailed so much as it stops and takes several different detours on the way to it's final destination.

-and that's only the tip of the iceberg, really, I'd need an entire essay to get into this completely, but I just really relate.

-Jacks skill-set / interests regarding ghosts vary a bit from Maddie's, most notably in the sense that he doesn't believe that they're static entities already set in their ways, completely incapable of change.

-Jack majored in engineering and minored in Biology at Wisconsin EDU.

-Jack's work with tech is a bit hit or miss. He definitely HAS the engineering skills, but the intrest isn't always there and he's constantly jumping back and forth between different projects. He tends to focus on the concept work and schematics and leave most of the assembly to Maddie as a result. It's an arrangement that works well for them, and has drastically decreased the number of unintentional explosions in the lab.

-A lot of Jack's work tends to revolve around ghostly biology and Ectoplasm, figuring out how ghosts are made, what makes them tick, what the hell Ectoplasm Actually Is, how it's used as an energy source, ect.

-and yes, that does also mean he handles the dissections.

-See that facial scar? Yeah, that's not actually there at the start of the series rewrite but it's very important for plot reasons so I had to include it. Can't say much more on the subject because SPOILERs owo.

Jasmine Fenton

-Jazz is a 18 years old, and a senior at Casper high.

-Which means she prepping to go away to college and won't be around to keep an eye on Danny.

-Obviously that doesn't mean I'm just writing her out of the story, oh no. Know why? Because she's also gonna go to Wisconsin EDU. ya know who else is in Wisconsin? Fuckin' Vlad.

-Jazz is autistic, Although she passes for neurotypical in part due to symptoms being completely over looked in girls due to gender stereotyping and also the fact that she doesn't have any special interests that are considered " "too weird.""

- Her hyperfixation with psychology started at a young age in an effort to better understand people, and social/emotional cues and all that.

-Jazz is well liked at school but she's not popular or apart of any specific group or clique. She's very kind and compassionate to people, and just about everyone knows her, but you'd be hard pressed to find someone who actually Considered her a friend. Except maybe Spike.

-I'm gonna have to give spike his own Character ref at some point, but he's this scary looking goth kid that's been held back twice. He's actually super sweet, just really fuckin' quiet and anxious. Him and jazz kinda ended up gravitating towards each other. She might do most of the talking, but they look out for each other.

-its not like jazz doesn't try to socialize, but it's difficult and she's found it much easier and less stressful to just. Keep to herself and let her interactions with her peers stay shallow and superficial. Sure, it's lonely sometimes but it's better than constantly worrying about saying the wrong thing or making some other misstep.

-One of Jazz's other special interests is football, and it's not so much the players or the game as it is the strategy of it? Started out as one of those things you do to bond with your dad, and she ended up getting really into it.

-She absolutley winds up getting into stupidly intense discussions with Vlad about it, too, lmao.

-Her and Danny probably bonded over SBNation bc that shit has both sentient satellites and ridiculously complex football mechanics.

-She's completely oblivious to the fact, but Dash has a massive crush on her bc holy shit this girl understands football (hey bud your toxic masculinity is showing put that shit away)

-I mentioned that Danny was in Cheer for a bit in middle school so it makes sense that she'd also be pushed into doing some kind of extracurricular activity.....so.....she was in a martial arts class for a bit thanks to Maddie and has a good grasp on self defense.

I think that's everything? I feel like I'm leaving things out tho? Idk if I did I'll come back and add on to this later and also pls don't hesitate to ask questions bc it really helps me flesh things out better.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #370

“breakdowns, obscenities, it’s all i wanna be”

Do you have any bad habits you aren’t working on changing? If so, do you ever think you’ll try to break them? Downloading music, for one. I really should just start using Spotify... but my iPod has over 1k songs on it and I just seriously don't want to got through all the trouble. When was the last time someone surprised you with their reaction or behaviors? Hm. I dunno. What kinds of videos do you like to watch on YouTube, if any? I watch SO many different kinds. It used to be pretty strictly let's plays, but I've definitely expanded my watching interests. Now I'm really into watching educational reptile and tarantula husbandry and keeping channels, I watch one woman who is like my weight loss idol (Jordan Shrinks, she is amazing), there's a few vloggers, I enjoy some World of Warcraft channels, and then there's a couple urban exploration guys I like. I also occasionally watch some beauty YouTubers just for their personalities and the art of it. Have you ever reached out to a crisis center for mental health support? If so, how was the experience? Yes, but they were so busy that I didn't connect with anyone before I finally gave up and ODed. When was the last time you did something you were afraid to do, and how was the outcome? Ummmm I don't really know. What is one positive thing you believe about yourself? I care a lot about other people. What is something you have been through that has made you stronger? The breakup. It brought me to the lowest of lows, where every day was a struggle to survive. It taught me I can endure through almost anything, even if it doesn't feel like I can. Other than money, what is something you wish you had more of in your life? Happiness, contentment, being in love, motivation, energy, activities, travel... There's genuinely a lot. IIs there anything that you tend to ignore for the sake of your sanity? I'm very bad at ignoring things. If something is bothering me, it's going to put up a beastly fight to be at the forefront of my mind. What is something you wish was different about your family? I wish we were closer and better off monetarily. What keeps you going lately? The hope for a happy, satisfactory future. Have you ever been in an unconventional relationship (long distance, polyamorous, same gender, age gap, etc)? if so, what challenges did this relationship present, and were they worth overcoming? I've been in a long-distance relationship with another girl. I think the hardest part was that there was not being able to physically be there for each other when one of us was really struggling, and sometimes communication was an issue, not being able to read body language when we voice chatted or hear the tone in which we "spoke" when texting, though I'm pretty sure that's an issue with any online relations. I also feel it's difficult to really build and experience your chemistry with one another when you're not physically with the other person. I still think all these challenges were worth overcoming, though. I in no way regret the relationship and got only good things out of it. What is the most unhealthy relationship (whether friendship or romantic) you’ve ever had? What made it so unhealthy? Do you still talk to each other? I'm kinda torn between Jason and Colleen, but I think my bond with Jason was ultimately more unhealthy because it went beyond love: he was an obsession. Having him with me was the only thing that brought me joy, and I lit-er-a-lly could not imagine my future without him. Like that concept just didn't exist; it was entirely impossible in my head. On his end, he failed to communicate what he was going through emotionally, which only contributed to the damage. I never knew he was struggling because of me. Without realizing it, I put so much pressure on him to make me happy, so to answer the last question, no, we don't, by his decision - and I don't blame him. Have you ever been abusive in any way? Were you able to change or make amends, or, in general, what do you think people should do to make amends in that situation? A neverending battle I have with myself is if how I treated Jason after the breakup was qualifiable as emotional abuse, specifically with messaging him things like "thanks for sending me to the ER" and shit. My therapist reassures me that it wasn't abusive because I wasn't being deliberately manipulative, but rather genuinely hurt and convinced I had been wronged and wanted him to know and acknowledge it. She agrees that it was wrong, which I entirely agree with, but sometimes, I'm still convinced I was abusive. I fucking hate answering this question, so hurrying up: I don't know if he's forgiven me. As for how others could reconcile, that's not for me to say. I know sometimes the answer is to NOT make amends and completely stay away from their abuser. It's not my right to tell others how to cope with their abuse. Have you ever forgiven someone for being abusive or allowed someone toxic back into your life? Did this person change for the better or not? My former best friend Colleen was toxic as all fuck hell, and I let her back in way too many times. No, she never changed. I honesty doubt she ever will, given her pride. When was the last time you did something “meant” for children? Do you think it’s okay for adults to do these things (ie. watch cartoons, have stuffed animals, dress in cute clothing, etc), or do you think there’s an age beyond which it becomes unacceptable - and if so, why? Hmmm... I know this was semi-recent, but whatever it was is evading me at the moment. I personally have zero issue with adults engaging in activities like that; let people do what they enjoy if they're not harming anyone, especially things as innocent as dressing how they think is cute, etc. I would far rather people "act like children" (not emotionally, you know what I mean) than run around the streets selling drugs and shit. What was the last thing to “trigger” you (as in, in a true mental health sense, I’m being serious here) and how did you cope with it? What kinds of things do you tend to find triggering? What do you do either avoid or face your triggers? When I was riding to the sleep study section of the health plaza, where the hospital is, my anxiety spiked quite a bit, recalling all of my ER stays for being suicidal. It didn't help that the psych hospital I visited most is also in that whole jumble of buildings. I dealt with it by reminding myself I was in that area for a very different reason, and Mom reassured me that where I would be staying was more like a small hotel room than a hospital bed, which was true, so that helped. Regarding the next question, I'm not gonna lie to ya, I have a stupid amount of PTSD triggers: certain music, shows, fandoms, places, smells, even tastes of certain foods. I tend to stay away from my major triggers, but I'll *sometimes* fight the tiny ones, because I want that sense of ownership of myself back. If you’re diagnosed with anything, do you feel that it accurately represents what you’re experiencing? Yes. What are some minor physical discomforts that really bug you (eyelash in your eye, a wedgie, rumpled socks, etc)? I'm VERY sensitive to feeling anything in my nose, and it leads to me needing to blow it a lot. I also can't stand having holes in my socks, but since I wear flip flops essentially everywhere, I don't experience this much. Are you ever afraid to admit to liking something because you’re afraid other people will judge you for it? What is the worst that’s ever happened as a result of you liking something different from the crowd? What about the best thing that’s come as a result of a unique interest? Y E P!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nothing really bad has happened because of admitting my interests, other than hearing things along the lines of "I don't get it." It's very odd, just how horribly receptive I am to judgment about things I like when I don't recall a time where I was ridiculed for anything. But anyway, the best thing to happen from sharing interests for me is making a new friend that likes the same thing, and I will IMMEDIATELY be closer to you than most people I associate with once you've helped me past that vulnerable spot of mine. Have you ever remained good friends with an ex? Yeah. Do you have a negative view of mentally ill people, or are you mentally ill yourself? Do you ever call others crazy, insane, etc? Do you ever call yourself those things? I'm mentally ill and empathize heavily with those who suffer themselves. I absolutely do not have a negative look on mental health sufferers; we don't choose to be victims. I'm definitely not a big fan of abusing terms like "insane," because I've fucking been there, and it's not a term to take lightly. I've thrown 'em around before, but I try to avoid it. I don't call myself any of those things nowadays, but in the deepest trench of my depression and PTSD, I honest to God think I fit the definition of "insane." Does it bother you to have people comment on what you’re eating, or do you not care? What are some comments that would bother you, if any? Do you ever comment on what other people are eating or make assumptions about their intakes? YES. JUST DON'T FUCKING COMMENT. I get EXTREMELY self-conscious when my mom does this sometimes when I occasionally need a small snack to hold me out overnight, and I absolutely never will say something to someone else. It's just rude, imo. Well, I guess if someone was really destroying their health and I was close to them, I would out of concern and be very gentle, but when regarding most people? I'm keeping my thoughts to my damn self. Do you like Redbull? I've never tried it and don't want to. I'm not an energy drink fan. Who is the last person you spent money on? My mom. I remember I bought us fast food when we were out once. What are you looking forward to in the next 4 days? G U Y S!!!!!!!!! I GET MY TATTOO TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!! :'''') Also on the same day, I start my TMS therapy, which I have high hopes for. Have you ever gone a whole day without eating? No. Do you sometimes use your music player to help you fall asleep? No, but I did that for years back in middle school. Have you ever had a crush on someone “too young” for you? No. Do you shave your legs more than once a week? Haaaaaaaaa. If you could cuddle with anyone right now, who would you pick? I really wish I could cuddle my late pup Teddy again. :/ I was thinking about that recently. Are you tanned? God no. I never am. Do you try to wear dresses whenever you can? No. I wish I was in a shape where I was comfortable wearing spring dresses again... I had this floral skull one in high school that I adored. Are you wearing something that belongs to someone else? No. Have you ever been called a bitch? Yes. Did you like the person you last kissed when you kissed them? I loved her. Who did you have a meaningful conversation with last? Sara. Do you have feelings for someone? Yeah, but they're like... on a leash, you could say. I don't let 'em run free and wild, and I know that even if nothing comes of those feelings again, it's fine. Are you trying to avoid liking somebody at the moment? I think Jason will be this answer for a very long time, if not forever, given the trauma and all. I have to remind myself frequently that I love his memory, not him, because I don't even know him anymore. It's been YEARS since we spoke. Just like I've changed incredibly, I'm sure he has, too. If you saw life in black & white, would that be okay with you? I mean, it would suck, but it wouldn't be the end of the world. When you wake up in the middle of the night and can’t get back to sleep, what kinds of things are you likely to do? How often do you find you have trouble sleeping? I do exactly what you shouldn't do and get back on the laptop. I'd say I most often get on WoW and refresh the auctions I have up because that tends to tire me out because I do that shit manually to avoid any addon mishaps, and I have a looooot to put up as a gold farmer. What was the last lengthy packet you filled out? Something to see if I qualified for a sleep study. Are you a patient person? What is one way you have a lot of patience? What about not very much patience at all? I am NOT patient, at least regarding more trivial things, like sitting in waiting rooms. I do have patience though with other people with more serious things, like getting someone to open up to me. At what time during the day do you tend to feel your best? What about the worst? When I first wake up. It's a "fresh start" and it's nice to feel rested. Plus, I open a fresh can of cold soda as my "coffee" for lack of better word, haha. I'm in my worst mood probably late afternoon/early evening, by which time I am incredibly bored and just dulled down. What was the last thing you did that you wish you could take back or do differently? The last thing... I dunno. How frequently do you stay overnight somewhere that isn’t your own home? What things do you miss about home when you’re away? Do you tend to get homesick easily? Pretty much never. I do miss my room and its privacy when I'm away from home, but I wouldn't say I get homesick all that easily, so long as I have WiFi, haha. Do you tend to eat more in the beginning of the day or at night? Do you have a tendency to snack when you’re bored? If so, what kinds of snacks do you normally go for? Not necessarily the beginning of the day, but definitely more than at night. I am BAD about snacking when I'm extremely bored, but at the very least I'm conscious enough to try and find something semi-healthy, like granola bars, fruits, a scoop of peanut butter, but I also sometimes just eat like... a slice of bread or a tortilla. Horrible choice. I'm a carb fiend and I hate it. If you have any dietary restrictions, do you ever miss foods you can’t have? If not, what’s something you haven’t had for a long time that you wish you could eat again? I thankfully don't have any. I've been craving cheesecake like a madman lately. :< The spicy shrimp fritas from Olive Garden, too. Is there something you still can’t do even though you’re an adult or might be expected to do this thing? I don't have my license, and my driver's permit is even expired. I'm terrified of driving. I also don't have a job, and I can't cook. When was the last time you congratulated someone? Were you happy for them, indifferent, jealous? Uhhh I think someone on Facebook had a baby. Of course I was happy for them. What was the last milestone you reached in your life (graduating, buying a car, starting a family, etc)? What milestone are you going for next, if any? Um... I haven't reached a true milestone in years. Hell, I don't think since I started recovery from the breakup. Do you enjoy getting comments or messages? How likely are you to leave comments or messages for other people? Yeah, it makes me feel cared about. It really depends on the platform on how much I leave other people comments, and I'm extremely shy about messaging, but I'll do it sometimes. When are you most likely to scream (either out of fright, anger, or whatever)? Do you scream or yell often? When was the last time someone screamed at you (or in your presence)? Frustration, for sure. I've screamed into a pillow more than once. I definitely don't yell or especially scream often. I'm sure the last person to yell at me was Mom, but I don't remember about what. What would you say is your STRONGEST emotion? Maybe not the most frequent, but the most intense? And what emotion do you feel most weakly, even if you might feel it more often? I'd saaaay... maybe love. When I love something/someone, I love HARD. I think I experience joy the weakest; it's very muted for me. And lastly, what are you listening to? Is this a band you listen to a lot "The Heretic Anthem" by Slipknot. I wouldn't say I listen to them a lot, but I have been more than usual lately.

[ateezthings]

ateez reacts to their s/o distancing themselves cos they feel like a burden 🥺

I love this request because I relate to it a lot, so thank you :)

*Trigger warning: Please don’t read this if you think that talking about mental illness (low self-esteem, depression, anxiety…) could trigger you. Also there’s minor violence in Hongjoong’s section, so be aware of that. Take care of yourselves because you’re all worth it.*

ATEEZ Scenario: S/O distancing themselves because they feel like a burden

Angst

Gender neutral

Please let me know if you would like a part 2 of this :)

 Seonghwa

The doorbell rang. You didn’t bother getting up, you didn’t even expect anyone. After about 2 minutes the ringing stopped and you could breathe again.

Then you got a call. It was Seonghwa. Again, you didn’t have the power to pick up. After a while you got a text from him: “Are you home right now? I brought food J”

Why was he still being cute? You had treated him like shit the past few weeks, telling him lies after lies.

“I’m out sorry” You replied. Then you heard someone knock on your door.

“Y/N, I can hear you, please let me in.” Why couldn’t he make it easy for you? You opened the door.

“What do you want Seonghwa?” Your voice sounded harsher than you anticipated.

“What do I want? I want for you to tell me what’s going on with you. You’ve barely talked to me for the last two weeks and I don’t know what I did wrong, so please just tell me.”

“I’ve just been busy that’s all”

“Don’t lie to me, I know that’s not the reason, I’m not stupid… We are in a relationship, aren’t we supposed to talk to each other?”

“Well maybe I don’t wanna be in this relationship anymore.”

He was clearly taken aback by that: “what?”

“I said I don’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore! I’m tired of this!” You couldn’t look into his eyes.

He took a step back. “How can you say that? Don’t you love me anymore?”

“No”

In that moment you could almost hear his heart break into a million pieces.

 Hongjoong

Oh no no no, shit he definitely saw you. You ran away as fast as you could. Stopping at the next alley you tried to calm your breath. You just wanted to see if he was doing alright… Subconsciously you probably wanted him to catch you… but you just really needed to see his face.

“Why are you running from me?”

He scared the shit out of you, you didn’t think he could catch up to you.

“I-uh… I don’t know how I can explain it, I’m sorry” For once, that was not a lie.

Hongjoong took your wrists into his hands. “What’s going on with you, you’ve been ignoring me for weeks and I don’t even get an explanation?!” His grip tightened.

“Ow… Hongjoong you’re hurting me”

Shocked by his own actions he let you go and took a step back. “Please… just tell me what’s going on, I’ve been going crazy and don’t you dare lie to me!”

“I… I don’t know, I truly don’t know…”

“How can you not know?!” He was clearly frustrated.

“Please Hongjoong, I just don’t know, I need space to figure it out.” With that you turned around and started walking away.

Of course Hongjoong didn’t let you, he grabbed your wrist and turned you around to face him again. “No, don’t leave me like this…” The look in his eyes crushed you, you didn’t want to do this to him. You just didn’t know better.

“I need to be away from you for a while, so please let me go”

He had no choice but to let you go.

 Yunho

“Where are you?”

“What do you mean? I’m right here with you Yunho”

“No I mean where are you mentally… you’re here physically but your head is somewhere else”

The past few days your thoughts were running wild, so many thoughts about not being good enough for him, not being good enough for anyone or anything. It was crushing your self-esteem and it occupied your thoughts every second of the day.

You didn’t know how to express how you were feeling, especially not to Yunho. You two were in a relationship and you were happy most of the time but as time went on you felt more like a burden to him.

Involuntarily you distanced yourself from him emotionally. Your conversations became more meaningless, you were just functioning when you were around him, you weren’t enjoying your time anymore. Your mind twisted every word he said into something that decreased your self-confidence even more.

You couldn’t tell him, you just couldn’t tell him. “I’m tired”

“Do you want me to leave so you can go to bed?”

When you nodded in response, his eyes couldn’t hide the sadness. It was like he knew something was wrong, he didn’t want to push into telling him though. So he just left you alone, how you wanted it.

 Yeosang

“I’m seeing someone else.”

“Wha-” He choked on his water. After a few moments his cough died down and he just looked at you, anger written all over his face.

“Are you serious Y/N?”

“Yes…I’m sorry Yeo”

“Who are they?”

“It’s someone from uni”

Breathing audibly, Yeosang tried to keep his calm. “What do you want to do now?”

“Uh… isn’t it obvious? We’re breaking up, Yeosang”

In that moment his expression softened so that you thought he would break down, but he didn’t. “If that’s what you really want to do…” He muttered something under his breath which you couldn’t understand.

He took his jacket and left the room.

You got what you wanted. Finally you pushed him away from you for good, but why did it feel so wrong?

 San

“Why are you avoiding me?”

“I did what?”

“You’re avoiding me. I saw you outside the company today and you even went to the other side of the road just to avoid me seeing you”

“San that’s not true, I just saw my friend who was on the other side of the road, I didn’t avoid you.”

“Oh really? Then why did you change sides of the road again after you were past the company.”

He got you there. “Y/N just tell me if it’s something I’ve done, I can make it up to you, I promise”

“San, you haven’t done anything wrong, really, it’s not you”

“Then what is it? Please tell me”

“I can’t San… I don’t know what it is… I think I need some space to figure it out…”

You could hear him sigh loudly through the phone.

“I don’t even have a choice… but Y/N please… think about me too, think about what you’re doing to me”

“I’m sorry San”

 Mingi

At first he hadn’t noticed. He was so busy with the comeback, the promotions and everything that came with it, that he hadn’t noticed you were slowly distancing yourself from him.

He didn’t mean to, he just had a lot on his mind and for the first time in your relationship you were glad. It saved you from having to come up with a mediocre excuse.

It was not like you had ignored him completely, you just texted less and whenever he wanted to call you, you said you were out or busy.

You were currently studying in the library at your uni when someone knocked on your table. It was your friend Kira: “Hey there, uh I’ve only met your boyfriend once so I could be wrong but there’s someone out there, who looks a lot like him asking people if they know where you are…”

“Oh come on… other people would’ve called first” You muttered more to yourself than to her.

You went looking for him in the lobby and quickly found him. “What are you doing?” You sounded clearly annoyed.

“I wasn’t sure if you were here but now you are so you’re coming on a surprise date with me now” He smiled his Mingi-smile, where his eyes kind of disappear.

“Mingi, I don’t have time right now, I need to study, I have an exam tomorrow.”

“But I only have today off and we haven’t seen each other in weeks, please”

“I told you I’m busy!”

“Okay then I’ll help you study”

“NO, no, no… Mingi, please, you need to leave, I can’t do this anymore!”

“…Y/N what do you mean?”

You needed a few breaths to calm yourself down. “I mean this relationship, you and me, I can’t do us anymore…”

“Ar-Are you breaking u-up with me?”

When you couldn’t answer him, he was quick to turn around and leave you standing there, wondering what you had done to the boy.

 Wooyoung

He called again. That was the seventh time today.

So you had to answer. “Yes?”

“What do you mean yes, hi, hello it’s me, your boyfriend, remember me? The one who’s really fucking worried about you when you don’t pick up my calls the first six times?”

“Please calm down, Wooyoung, I’m okay”

“You don’t sound like it, what’s going on?”

“Nothing, everything is fine”

“No it’s not, I know you Y/N”

“Really, I’m okay, I’m just busy right now and don’t have time for you” That hit him and you knew it.

“… Well what are you doing?”

He was really starting to piss you off. “Wooyoung, I told you I don’t have time for you right now, why are you so clingy?! Just leave me alone”

“I don’t believe you, that’s why! I just came back from tour, we haven’t seen each other in four weeks and I care about you. There’s something you’re not telling me and it’s making you act weird, so I’m coming over right now.”

He could always see right through you.

 Jongho

“Want to take a walk with me?” He tried to get to you with his text, he wanted to reach you. You were just too tired to deal with him.

“I’m busy right now, sorry Jongho” You replied. The next moment he called you.

“Ah whyyy… you’ve been saying that for the last week… I barely see you anymore”

“I…uh… Yeah uhm… work is just a lot right now”

“Y/N I know when you’re lying so don’t even bother elaborating”

“What? It’s true, I have a lot of work to do right now”

“I don’t believe you, why do you feel the need to lie to me?”

“I’m not lying Jongho! Why don’t you believe me?”

“Because I know you but I also know you need space when you lie to me so… I guess you can call me when you feel ready to tell me?” Even when you’re pushing him away he can warm your heart.

[angellesword]

Silver Dust

Summary: Yoongi proposed to you and you're contemplating whether to say yes or no.

Pairing: Songwriter Yoongi x Gender Neutral Reader

Genre: Fluff, fluff, and fluff.

Word count: 6.7k

Warnings/ author's note: I wrote like a whole ass song using Cypher pt.4 beat lmaooo, kissing, minor smut, mention of rape, abuse, killings, and corruption.

<<< The first meeting >>>

The first time you met Yoongi's eyes wasn't really that special.

There was no sign of your heart skipping a single beat, if there was, you're 100% sure he's not the reason behind it because 1) you pretty much believed it's just the effect of drinking three shots of espresso in one sitting. 2) You were damn nervous since your prelim grades were already out.

You didn't even feel any butterfly in your stomach, nor did your world light up—and this, to be honest, was understandable, especially when Yoongi's eyes were dead as fuck. You figured that if it wasn't for your shared seven am class, he would probably still be lying in bed.

"The professor said you're my partner for this project." Even the first time you heard his voice wasn't special.

If there's one thing that made Yoongi Yoongi, it's his monotonous voice. At first, you thought he just didn't like the idea that you two were stuck together to work on a project. (Again, it's understandable) You also found it ridiculous that your professor actually paired you with a stranger.

Well, it's not like you knew Yoongi. Unless knowing his full name counted. But really, it's inevitable since the two of you went to the same classes since freshman year (you're a senior now) apart from that, almost all your professors never failed to voice out their adoration for him.

You first heard his name when your history instructor made it very clear that Min Yoongi's works would be his "standard" when it came to grading your individual projects. In short, if Yoongi got an A, you and your classmates should also either get an A or an A+ or else, you're considered 'failed.'

It’s kind of fucked up, really. Most of you knew that Min Yoongi was a monster when it came to collecting As. Unfair. All he did during class lectures was sleep and yet, he still managed to be number one.

Huh. It must be awesome to be God's favorite.

There was also this one time when one of your professors, Mr. Bang, cried when he asked Yoongi to read his essay in front. The smart boy was reluctant at first. He despised exposure, that's for sure. However, the professor's so persistent that Yoongi obliged just to make the annoying instructor shut up.

You're actually glad Mr. Bang managed to persuade Yoongi. His speech about finding yourself and being happy made Mr. Bang and almost everyone in your class cry. Yoongi transformed into a completely different person the moment he started his speech. Monotonous Voice? Gone.

You figured that yes, your heart didn't skip a beat when you first caught his eyes, but boy did your heart hurt when those simple words leaving his mouth turned into a piece of art.

<<< Your one brain cell >>>>

The second time you met Yoongi's eyes was in front of his house. The two of you decided to work on your project at the school's library, however the place was loaded with students cramming their paper works and you just couldn't bear to hear another person aggressively typing on their laptop anymore. You were sick of it.

"Uh, hi?" you awkwardly smiled at the blond man in front of you.

You weren't quite sure how to react when he was just staring at you blankly. Yoongi's lips were pursed together and that alone made you uncomfortable.

"We were supposed to meet at the library..." He raised his brow as if he wanted to know how the hell did you know where he lives? And were you a fucking stalker?

"I..." You instantly trailed off when he narrowed his brow more. Man, he sure was intimidating. The lack of spark in his eyes made you wince. The man in front of you had thick, low set brows—making them appear almost completely straight. (Poker face alert)

You swallowed the thick lump in your throat before trying to form a coherent sentence.

"There...people. I mean, the library is packed with uh, people."

"So you just decided to show up in my house?"

His question made you quiver. This was such a wrong move. Of course you couldn’t just knock on his door like this; you two were not even friends!

"I'm sorry. I just didn't know any other place and I..." You heaved a deep sigh. "I saw your friend Jeongguk and he told me where you live—“

"Right." He cut you off by opening the door wide. Of course it had to be Jeongguk. That little shit really knew how to annoy Yoongi.

"Holly peed on the couch so there's no way we can work there. Is my room okay to you?" Despite not seeing his face, you instantly knew that Yoongi's question was directed at you. He was leading the way inside his house and you're behind him, quietly following where he's going.

Yoongi's house was not that big, but it's a lovely and comfortable place. Unlike your dorm, you felt at home here. It's probably the indoor plants that made the place more alive. You suddenly wondered if he's living with someone. Did the love of his life stay here? Or did he have a roommate? You're adamant that he lived alone; otherwise all these plants would probably be dead.

You weren't really a judgmental person, you're rather logical. Yoongi slept during class hours; he couldn't be bothered by moving a single inch, too. You guessed that he hated any form of activity and maybe, that included watering plants.

You were about to ask him if he lived alone when your voice had been overpowered by loud, boisterous bark.

"Oh! Hello there, little guy..." A giggle escaped from your lips when a small dog went your way to lick your exposed legs.

You squatted in front of the puppy so you could pet his furry head.

"Holly, no!" Yoongi called the attention of the brown poodle, but it couldn't care less. The dog named Holly still continued to ask for your affection.

"Holly!"

You almost whined when Yoongi took Holly away from you. You're sure the puppy hated it too. But Yoongi told you that his pet needed to learn his lesson first. The naughty dog really peed on the couch right after his bathroom training. Yikes!

Yoongi let you inside his room after your little encounter with Holly. The vibe of his room contradicted the overall theme of the house, but you had expected it to be this way nonetheless.

His bedroom walls were painted dark blue, too dark it's almost close to black. There's nothing much in his room except a single bed, a study area with lots of technical devices, and oh!

Amusement danced in your eyes when you noticed different manga books on his shelf. You didn't think that Yoongi was the type of person who would dwell on such things, but what really caught your attention was his album collection.

"You like Epik High!?" you couldn't help your enthusiasm when your eyes found the band's album called Shoebox resting on the black metallic shelf near his bed. Damn. Shoebox was your best-loved album of all time! You liked all songs by Epik High, however nothing could ever top the said album for you. Your ultimate favorite song had to be Amor Fatti. That song slapped, though its meaning was often misunderstood by many.

Yoongi only spared you a few glances from the moment you showed into his house, this time, however, he was looking at you intently and for the first time, you saw him smile, a shy one at that.

"Yeah...they're the reason why I write songs..." He whispered, too soft you barely heard it.

You even blinked. Did you hear him right?

"Oh, you're a songwriter?" You flashed a loop-sided smile that made Yoongi's cheeks red.

"Uh, well...it's just what I like to do during my free time."

You nodded and hummed, your eyes were still busy roaming around his room when an idea popped in your mind.

"So why don't we make use of your talent and write a song for this project?" You caught Yoongi's eyes again, but this time, it didn't look dead, truthfully, his pupils dilated when he heard what you just said.

You instantly defended your suggestion.

"I mean, we don't really have a plan, and now we have. I think you're pretty good at it so it'll make our jobs easier. I can sing, don't worry..."

You hated saying that, though you didn't have a choice. You needed to convince him that producing a song would be such a good idea.

Your professor said you needed to make something, anything that would elicit a reaction from him and your classmates. This was a psychology class and your topic for midterm was all about emotions. Mr. Kim Seokjin, your professor, was tired of doing all the talking, especially because your class was unresponsive, so to save his voice (and brain cells probably) he told the whole class that the remaining meeting for midterm would be about his students showcasing their talents that wold, like what you had said, gain extreme emotions from your classmates. It's actually easy except that you're paired with someone you were not close with. On top of that, the presentation of the project shouldn't exceed ten minutes, and lastly, it should be personal.

You spent days thinking about what you and your partner could do, but your brain cells weren't cooperating since you only had two of it, the first one was sleeping and the other only knew the words "Nothing, bitch."

And so now that your former brain cell decided to wake up and save you from your misery of being stupid (even if it's just for good three minutes) you're willing to take it.

Before your 180 seconds ran out, you immediately started blabbing words to convince Yoongi to produce a song with you.

And guess what? Your convincing power must be really good (or maybe you're just as annoying as Mr. Bang and Yoongi just wanted you to shut up too) but hey, at least Yoongi agreed!

<<< Weirdo >>>

The third time you met Yoongi's eyes—well, it's not really the third time. You had actually lost count on how many times your eyes locked with each other. Sometimes, it's a conscious act, but most of the time, it's not. You guys would just find yourselves staring into each other's eyes when you didn't know what lyrics to write next.

Producing a song was not as easy as what you thought it would be. It had been three weeks since the two of you started this project. Yoongi's room had been your workplace ever since. He had the equipment you needed plus it's easier to meet here since your dorm was just meters away from his house.

"My damn throat hurts like hell!" You groaned before collapsing on top of Yoongi's bed.

The past three weeks you spent with Yoongi made the two of you start a beautiful friendship. Admittedly, it's not really beautiful since most of the time; you're bickering at each other. You and Yoongi were so different from each other. He liked starting his work early because he wanted to finish it early. You, on the other hand, were his exact opposite. You're the play now, work later type of person and Yoongi hated it so much. While he practiced delayed gratification, you sat there and ruined everything.

You were always on his bed, cuddling his pet Holly. That's most likely the reason why it's only been two days since you two finished the song. It took almost three weeks because of your procrastinating ass, and now, you suffered. The two of you only had a week before you performed this in front of your class. Yoongi was pissed off at you for the reason that you still hadn't finished memorizing the lyrics and your voice was already strained.

“If I ever see you drinking cold water again, I will fucking drown your ass on that water as I behead you, and then I will freeze your head." Yoongi warned as he joined you in bed.

"Ohhh, morbid. I like that..." You shrugged your shoulders and then you buried your face on his chest—making him groan in irritation.

"You weirdo, get away from me!"

"No..." You laughed because Yoongi was the weird one here. He told you not to touch him or stay close to him, but at the same time, he's wrapping his arm on your waist.

You wondered if this was okay, it's just been three weeks since the two of you had been formally introduced, and yet, you found comfort here. On his bed. In his arms.

You smiled to yourself, yes, Yoongi was a weirdo, but so were you.

<<< Namjoon’s Party >>>>

What you considered as the fourth time you met Yoongi’s eyes was also the first time he called you by your given name.

“You feel so good…” He moaned your name on your neck, his hands were tightly wrapped around your waist—enjoying your body heat.

You suddenly thought if dragging Yoongi into this party was the best idea. Right now, you had no freaking clue how to act. You’re drunk, but not too drunk to not think about the consequences of this night. But damn, you’re just a human. A horny human! How could you possibly stop Yoongi when he’s using his soft lips to paint bruises on your neck!?

You could just push him away and you knew that, though you were also aware that your mind and heart wouldn’t want that, not when you liked what he’s doing to you.

“Namjoon’s party sucks.”

“Just not your crowd, weirdo...” You chuckled. Oh, thank heavens for Namjoon. He was one of your childhood friends and frankly, the song you and Yoongi produced wouldn’t be finished without the help of Namjoon. So when that friend of yours texted you to come to his birthday party, you immediately agreed. Fortunately, you didn’t have to force your one brain cell to wake up just so you could convince Yoongi to go with you.

This wasn’t what Yoongi likesd he hated parties because he didn’t want to talk to stupid people and drunken people were stupid people. Perhaps the only reason why Yoongi was here was because he couldn’t turn down Namjoon—not after all your friend’s genius advice.

“I hate this place.” Yoongi added, he’s now looking at you with sparks in his eyes—or maybe you’re just drunk. Too intoxicated to feel and see anything other than the fact that Yoongi’s already grinding at you.

You huffed; suddenly offended by the clothes you’re wearing. Were you supposed to wear this when all you wanted was to feel Yoongi’s touch on your bare skin?

“We’re here for Namjoon—”

“God, can’t you take the hint?” Yoongi cut you off by pouting.

You blinked. Did this weirdo just pout? And oh, his lips…his lips were hot….hot against your own mouth.

“Yoongi….” You breathed, your eyes were too hazy to see his gummy smile.

“Let’s get the hell out of this place…”

That night, you once again lost count as to how many times you met his eyes. You also figured out that his eyes looked best the most when he’s down on his knees, facing your hips.

<<< The Performance >>>

You were expecting to meet Yoongi’s eyes as soon as you opened your very own one; however panic and fear consumed your whole being that you immediately ran out of Yoongi’s room. You’re too frightened to let him see you that you hurriedly put your clothes on and left his house.

It’s not like it was going to change the fact that you slept with your classmate in Psychology, however, you were scared. Scared to see his eyes back to being dead when just last night, the moon and the stars were there, staring at you like you’re not just a dust in this universe, but the whole universe.

Besides, you had one logical reason: you needed to pick up your costume for your upcoming performance with Yoongi. Taehyung, your designer friend was only available till nine in the morning, so you literally had to run like a lunatic right after you woke up from your cozy sleep on Yoongi’s bed.

Your outfit was perfect. Damn, Taehyung really had a talent when it came to this. Your confidence level was boosted just by wearing the clothes your great friend designed. You thought you’re finally ready to perform the song you and Yoongi produced for one month.

You were so ready, but your heart was not…

Just…where the hell was Yoongi? It had been two days since you last saw him. You hadn’t heard any news from him since you left his apartment the day after Namjoon’s party. Was he mad at you for leaving? Or did he even care?

You had fifteen minutes left before Mr. Kim Seokjin, your psychology professor, marked your grades zero.

“Fucking Min Yoongi, where the hell are you?” You grimaced when your call was directed on his phone’s voicemail.

You had two options: fake death so you wouldn’t have to perform, or kill Mr. Kim Seokjin. (They wouldn’t probably notice if you stabbed your professor on his side since most of them were busy preparing for their own presentations.)

But just as you’re about to resort to your latter option, Yoongi’s familiar scent immediately attacked your nose. You looked back only for you to cancel killing Mr. Kim Seokjin and just choose your former option.

God, how could it be possible for you to still want to stay alive when Min Yoongi was killing you with his looks? Gone was his light blond hair, but you’re not complaining since his now black curly hair was much much better than the previous one.

“Sorry I’m late. Holly peed on the couch again…” His multiple earrings looked too damn good on him. You’re silly; you’re fucking silly because you worried for nothing. Yoongi was still Yoongi, and the sparks in his eyes were still visible.

“It’s okay, we still have time…” You smiled as if the thought of murdering your professor didn’t just cross your mind. Oh well, nothing else mattered when Yoongi was here, right?

Mr. Kim Seokjin said that you and Yoongi would be the last performers for this day, which meant you still had at least half an hour left to stare at Yoongi like a vampire wanting to drink blood. But time flies fast when you’re busy with something. Thirty minutes ago, you were just ogling at your partner, right now, you were in front of the class, spitting fire with your partner.

The first verse of your produced song was rapped by Yoongi. Scratch that, Agust D was in front of you and not Yoongi. Your partner told you that he preferred to be called Agust D whenever he was performing his rap song.

Robber! Robber!

Sorry bae

Killer! Killer!

Sorry bae

Addiction—diction--diction

Sorry bae

“Oh! The court’s case you got away?”

Your partner smirked before proceeding to the next verse. You, on the other hand, stood there to hype the crowd.

You always get away

I’m sorry bae

You smoke cocaine but get away

Justice won’t be served

I’m sorry bae

Everything, everything, everything

Unfair

You were nervous. The next verse was assigned to you. The plan was that you only had to sing the chorus part, though Yoongi had another idea. He wanted you to go out of your comfort zone and try something new. So here you were, rapping.

You commit the same sin

Sorry bae

Your silence they love it

Sorry bae

I see same pigs on the senate

Boring bae

Your vote they bought and they’re not

Sorry bae

Nothing’s new but rich people’s car are

Brand new

Sorry bae

You can’t be illiterate coz they take advantage

Before you know it, you’re one of the reasons

Why innocents are salvage

Politicians know your name

But after the election they act like they don’t know your name!

You and Yoongi both performed the chorus part. It looked like the crowd was enjoying your presentation because they also started shouting and hyping you up.

They love, they love, they love themselves

They know, they know your sufferings

But they don’t they don’t and will never care

Youth wake up, stand up, we should fight the state! Brr!

The following verse was rapped by Yoongi again. You took your time to feel yourself as you discreetly watched the reaction of the people in front of you. A whole month of stress and worry seemed to pay off. You even locked eyes with Park Jimin, one of your most-respected classmates; he cheered for you and that was enough for you to successfully perform the next verse.

I wanna get job (job, job, job)

But I can’t get on the spotlight

Yeah I wanna have a good life!

But my parent’s wings are cozy

I just wanna hide

It’s okay I have time

My trust fund won’t end

So I can still live

And breathe while I finish this game

Called being “dependent”

All night, all day

All night, all day

Don’t care, don’t care, don’t care!

The next verse was easy to execute since you and Yoongi both rapped it. You were facing each other and suddenly, you forgot that there were eyes watching you. Min Yoongi caressed your cheeks once. You smiled as you sensually rolled your body.

Who plays by the rule?

No one!

Who wants to grab a woman's hair?

Husband!

Yoongi slightly pulled your hair this time. You grimaced, but you still continued rapping.

He has mistress so the wife’s depressed

He forgot about their kids but that’s okay

She can cover up for him like how

She can cover her bruise and play cool

As she says “I love him, anyway.”

You moved away from your partner. Your mood instantly changed as you approached the next verse. This one’s challenging to write. Your heart was breaking as you sang.

The other woman on the street has been pulled

By the stranger claiming she’s wet like a pool

She should be thankful since this will feel like

a dream come true

Lick it lick it right, you can take it, right?

She cried and cried and cried, that should be a sign

But “High five!” he told the other man

As the woman cried, her voice is too loud

So they killed her that night.

You let out your frustration by growling and jumping. Min Yoongi was also lost in his own world as he rapped—raising his middle finger from time to time.

They love, they love, they love themselves

They know, they know your sufferings

But they don’t they don’t and will never care

You’re horny, you fucked up! Go on and hate yourself! Brr!

It’s Yoongi’s own verse again. His mood shifted too. If you weren’t part of this performance, you would probably just stare at him. Goddamn, Min Yoongi had his own way of expressing himself.

Back back to the killings!

Your guns check

Call me when you need a gunman I can kill

Even for a dollar

Hashtag no conscience

I don’t believe in God so hell sounds okay

I’ll be with my gang gang

So hell won’t be boring!

The demon you summon

so money won’t be your worry

Payday, paycheck so I can have that rolex

He pointed the rolex on his wrist. It’s not an authentic one, but that’s not the point. Clearly, he just wanted everyone to see that there were other ways to “look cool.” However, many people still chose to listen and be their own demons.

Click clack to the bang bang

Your time has run out.

Click clack here’s my gun

I’m so high on drugs

I see you as a rat

They can control me with money

So you take these four shots

Your life is like a fruit fly

“I can’t understand. Why is it so easy for them?” This was Min Yoongi’s question to you. He asked this while you two were writing the following verse. He hated a lot of things, though he could forgive and tolerate some of it easily. However, he clearly told you that he could never treat someone right if that person used violence.

Click clack to the bang, you and you

Wait your turn

Shit! You little boy

Come here look at the blood

How? You’re asking me?

I don’t know, you’re a man you should know how

He also told you how much he hated this unfair world. He respected women more than ever, but Yoongi was an advocate of both equality and equity. Why can’t boys cry? Are we robots? These were some of his questions too.

If this is the kind of world we live in

I don't wanna live at all

If I exist for your pleasure

then I refuse to accept this call

You joined Yoongi singing the last verse of the song.

They love, they love, they love themselves

They know, they know your sufferings

But they don’t they don’t and will never care

Yo’ human, are you human? If yes then help us save this place!

By the time you finish the song, everyone’s clapping their hands and cheering for you and your partner. You swore you even saw Mr. Kim Seokjin wrote “100” on your paper.

You smiled. The performance was over, contrarily, the attraction you felt for your partner was only starting.

<<< Kimchi and Other Sauces >>>>

The first time you met Yoongi’s pleading eyes was during dinner time. After your performance in Mr. Kim Seokjin’s class, your partner said that the two of you should celebrate this success. Of course you immediately agreed, but that did not mean you were willing to spend money.

“I swear to God, Yoongi…if you ever bring me to a fine-dining restaurant, I will fucking kill you.”

You were not joking. You had student loans to pay so you couldn’t afford to spend a hundred dollar for a fucking spaghetti and sparkling water.

“Chill, you weirdo. We can just—” He stopped mid-sentence because a brilliant idea just popped into his mind.

“What? You’re not planning a yacht dinner date, are you!?” You started freaking out and the uneasiness you felt only intensified when Yoongi smirked.

“Actually, I was planning to…you know…maybe…make you eat my cum.” He simply shrugged his shoulders.

He said it so casually that you just stared at him. Was he serious or were you supposed to be laughing now? You could feel your blood rushing. You were so confused. Excited. Worried.

After what it felt like forever, the staring contest with Yoongi finally ended. He offered his hands and of course, you immediately took it. The both of you rushed toward his big, black motorbike. Yoongi only brought one helmet so he told you to just wear it. The ride to his house wasn’t that far, anyway.

The both of you were in a hurry. Countless profanities were thrown at him for driving hastily; Yoongi even parked his motorbike in a reckless way. Still, you two couldn’t care less, especially Yoongi. How could he? Huh, definitely not after you stroked his cock while driving. That’s really not a smart move, at least not when Yoongi’s mother welcomed the both of you just as Yoongi opened his apartment’s door.

“Eomma! What are you doing here?!” Clearly, your partner wasn’t expecting to see his own mother. It’s pretty obvious since Yoongi’s jaw dropped and his neck was slowly turning red.

“You brat! Why wouldn’t I be here? This is my house!” You knew you weren’t supposed to laugh, however it’s hard to control yourself when Yoongi’s being hit by his own mother while he was trying to cover the bulge on his pants.

“Eommoni! Please! I have a guest!” Yoongi got away from his own mother by hiding himself behind your small frame.

“What—oh!” His mother’s eyes widened when she saw you. She seemed surprised to see Yoongi bring someone. Of course, Yoongi had never brought his friends home. Not even once. At this point, his mother was actually convinced that her son was allergic to human beings.

“I didn’t know that Yoongi is friends with someone as charming as you…” The frightening aura of his mother was completely gone. The older woman engulfed you into a tight, warm hug as she asked your name. You answered her with a smile on your lips.

Yoongi’s mom led you in the kitchen. Actually, you tagged along with her. She wanted to prepare a meal for you and her son, but of course, you couldn’t just sit still and look pretty. As a sign of respect, you needed to help her. Besides, you loved kitchen works, though you’re pretty sure cooking hated every fiber of your being.

The older woman just asked you to set up the table because according to her, she was always in charge of cooking. She also told you to be prepared because you’d surely forget your name once you tasted her award-winning Sam Gae Tang or that chicken soup with ginseng. Hoseok, one of your best friends, made the best chicken soup so your standard was kind of high. For you, nothing could beat Hoseok, but we’ll just have to see.

“Please be kind to my mother…”

Yoongi’s voice and eyes were pleading as he sat beside you. The food was already prepared and the two of you were ready to eat. You were just waiting for Yoongi’s mom to finish washing her hands.

You just raised your brows at the man beside you, clearly not understanding why he’s pleading because really, you knew how to respect elders.

Yoongi sighed.

“My mom is a terrible cook. Her soup tastes like shit, man…” Yoongi shook his head like a traumatized kid. He even bit his lower lip.

You’re about to say something, but you heard his mother’s footsteps, meaning, if you spoke, she might hear you, and so you just kept your mouth shut. You’re expecting Yoongi to do the same, though he just leaned on your shoulders—his eyes were still begging.

“Please, baby? Just put a lot of kimchi and other sauces on your soup to get rid of the awful taste. Can you do that for me?”

You simply nodded. That night, you realized that Yoongi was willing to do everything just to make someone he loved happy. Days, weeks, months, and years passed and you still admired how every time you had dinner with him and his mother, Yoongi would urge you to put kimchi and other sauces on your chicken soup.

At this point, you were convinced you loved Min Yoongi. You had always loved cooking, hell, you were willing to lose your bachelor’s degree if that meant you would be good at cooking, because…

You, just like Yoongi’s mom, were a terrible cook. But Yoongi never complained nor did he ever put kimchi and other sauces on the food you cooked just for him.

<<< Silver Dust>>>>

The first time you asked Yoongi why he liked looking into your eyes was when the both of you were having a staring contest.

The wind was unbelievably cold tonight, clearly, you weren’t expecting to freeze in the middle of a summer night. The annoying weather led you into thinking if climbing on top of your boyfriend’s house’s roof was a good idea. Sure the stars were pretty, but you felt cold. Too cold.

“Do you know the story about the Window and the Mirror?” Yoongi asked out of the blue. He also pulled your body closer to him—making you grimace. The texture of the roof was hard on your back. You shook your head, why did you choose to lay on the roof without any blanket again? Sometimes, your choices in life were really questionable.

“Nah, what happened?” You’re never a fan of stories.

Yoongi sighed. He pulled you closer to him until your face was buried on his neck. Damn. He smelled like smoke and sex.

“Well, for starters, my father left us…”

Yoongi’s words monetarily made you stop breathing. You had known him for years now, but not once did you ever talk about his father. You were aware that his father left him and his mom, though you didn’t know the story behind it.

“My father was a good man and he always tells me he loves my mother more than ever. For the longest time of my life, I believed him. He never looked into anyone’s wife. He never had a mistress, but my father is selfish.”

You just hummed to let him know that you were listening.

He cleared his throat.

“Mom just wants a simple life and that’s why we never left Daegu. This is my home. Our home.” Yoongi’s grip on your shoulder tightened, he looked up in the sky—the stars were prettier when you were in Daegu.

“My father doesn’t like to be here, though. He loves the city. He craves city life. Ever since I was young, he kept telling my mom that they should move to Seoul. Abeonim hates farming. He calls our strawberry farm disgusting. Said he should become a CEO and not a stupid farmer.” Yoongi laughed bitterly. He could still remember the way his father said those words.

“And guess what? He fucking did. Min Hyun Sik, chief executive officer of Bighit Company…” Yoongi cackled and you gasped.

Min Hyun Sik was his father? That guy was like the richest man in South Korea! You wanted to confirm this news that he just dropped, however, you couldn’t move because Yoongi’s grip on your shoulders was so tight.

“He became someone with power by leaving my mother and I.” Yoongi repeated as his eyes darkened. He no longer found the stars pretty. For him they were just lights—shining to hurt his eyes.

“He just left a note like that was going to be enough. He didn’t even say sorry. The only words written on those notes are him telling me to go to University using the money he left.”

You bit your lower lip. His grip was really, really tight…

“He wants me to go to college so I can follow him in the city, and so I went to college. But it’s not because I want to follow him. I enrolled just so I can fucking drop out during my last year.”

You furrowed your brow. If that was Yoongi’s original plan, then how…how come he’s a college graduate now?

“That was the plan before I met you…” Yoongi’s grip on your shoulder loosens, giving you the opportunity to look into his eyes.

He smiled at you.

“So, the story of the Window and the Mirror?” He offered and you just nodded.

“There’s this rich man—”

“Richer than your dad?” You asked. He laughed.

“Fucking richer than my dad…” He left a chaste kiss on your mouth. You giggled. “Anyway, the man went to see a rabbi, some sort of Jewish teacher. Of course the rabbi asked him what he wanted and the rich man said he doesn’t know what to do with his life anymore.”

“Uh, duh? He should give us money!” You butted in again. Yoongi kissed you once more just to make you shut up.

“Unfortunately, the teacher didn’t tell the rich man to give you money, weirdo. The Rabbi just led him over to the window and asked him this.” Yoongi cleared his throat. “What can you see through the glass?”

“And what’s the response of the rich man, Mr. Min?”

“I can see men coming and going and a blind man begging for alms in the street.” Yoongi answered you. “The rabbi seemed content with his answers, so this time, the teacher led him into a large mirror to ask him another question...”

“What is the other question?” You pressed.

“The rabbi asked him this, baby…” Yoongi pressed his lips on your mouth before proceeding to the story. “When you look in this mirror, can you tell me what you see?”

“And?!” You pressed again.

“I can see myself…”

“Obviously.” You rolled your eyes. You just wanted to know the sense of this story.

“And you can’t see the others. Notice that the window and the mirror are both made of the same basic material, glass. You should compare yourself to these two kinds of glass. Poor, you saw other people and felt compassion for them. Rich — covered in silver — you see yourself.”

“Oh,” was all you could say.

Your boyfriend smiled at you.

“My father chose to look in the mirror and I almost did the same. I almost dropped out of college just because I want my father to see that having a degree is useless. But, baby, if I actually chose to drop out, I wouldn’t have met you. I wouldn’t be able to give my mother a better life. I wouldn’t be able to afford to hire a cook and who knows? If I drop out of college, I would probably still be eating my mom’s shitty chicken soup.” You laughed at that.

“I am just saying, I like to look into your eyes because it reminds me of a window. It made me see a lot of things—new opportunities. Because of you, I stopped being selfish. You removed the silver in the mirror; you turned the silver into dust.”

“I fucking love you!” This time, you initiated the kiss.

You kissed Min Yoongi so hard that when you pulled away, he’s desperately gasping for air.

“I fucking love you too.”

<<< The Proposal >>>>

After reminiscing some of your unforgettable moments with Min Yoongi, you finally looked into his eyes.

Yoongi proposed to you and you’re contemplating whether to say yes or no. Your boyfriend despised the crowd, but here he was, down on his knees—shakily holding a ring on his hand.

You examined his face. His lips were quivering, for the first time; you saw how vulnerable he looked. It’s as if his whole life depended on this, and to be honest, it did. Yoongi couldn’t imagine life without you.

“Baby, are you gonna say yes or no?” Yoongi knitted his brows together.

You chuckled. Typical, Yoongi.

“Please stand up…”

Your boyfriend looked at you with confused eyes. His heart started beating so fast he’s very sure it would explode.

“B-But why? Don’t you want to—“ He stammered.

“Just stand up, Yoongi.”

With a heavy heart, Yoongi followed what you wanted. Deep inside, Yoongi was already murdering his friend, Jeon Jeongguk. He just told Yoongi that proposing in a strange, busy city would win your heart.

You two were currently in New York, New York. Strangers were watching you, and Brooklyn Bridge served as your backdrop. Jeongguk said that if Yoongi proposed in a place where no one knew you, then it was a sure win because your mother wouldn’t be able to stop Yoongi. Your childhood crush or ex wouldn't be in the picture too so it was another win for Yoongi. But your boyfriend was starting to regret his decision. He shouldn’t have listened to Jeongguk. What did that dipshit even know about love?

“Yoongi, are you listening?”

“Huh?” Your boyfriend’s train of thoughts were suddenly halted when you spoke.

“I can’t believe you. I just said yes!” You shake Yoongi’s shoulder. It looked like he was still out of his mind and that made you anxious. What if…what if he decided you’re not worth it anymore? What if he didn’t want to marry you anymore?

“Baby, I can’t believe you too. Please give me your hands!” Yoongi exclaimed.

“Oh!” You exclaimed as well. What the hell! You were so apprehensive that you zoned out too!

“We’re both weirdos, do you know that?” Yoongi shook his head after putting the sparkling ring on your finger.

You laughed.

“Oh, just shut up and kiss me.”

“Gladly.”

[multifandom-panda]

HOW CHIBNALL PISSED ME OFF

I have been away from Tumblr for years, but here I am now. The reason for my return is simple: Chibnall pissed me off and Facebook is not the right place for a a rant like the one you are going to read. Posting it on twitter would make more sense, you say? Probably. But I have no time to count words. I will start with why I had high expectantions on Chibanl and then I will explain how he shuttered every single one of them. 

1. When I heard Chibnall was coming after Moffat I was happy. I have always had that twisted relationship with Doctor Who where I loved the adventures, the adrenaline, the jokes, the discoveries, the aliens, but I also loved the feels and angst that came with the Companions and the Master. I had seen Broadchurch, so I “knew” Chibnall, I was sure enough he would not mess around. I was so wrong

2. Female!Doctor. Not a fan. Nu-uh. I have never felt the need for a female Doctor. There were plenty of great female characters in Doctor Who, both in the Classic era and the New era. Every single one of them had their own personality, their own skills and flaws. It was great, because they were actually people. Doctor Who was the first show that I watched where I didn’t get annoyed by female characters. They were strong in their own ways, and that didn’t mean being a super killing machine without special fighting skills. They were real and they were fundamental. Without them the Doctor lost his moral compass and we saw that more than once. So no, I didn’t need a female Doctor, I was alreay represented by amazing women in the show who were not less important than him. Moreover, I have no problem feeling represented by a man, I mean... men are still people, they have feelings and I am capable of understanding that. It’s called empathy. I am not so stupid that I cannot relate to a character only because they don’t have my genitalia. 

3. Lack of imagination. Another problem I have with a female Doctor is the same I have when authors remake characters, when they change gender or ethnicity to a character to give people representation. It’s insulting. You are basically saying that you are not capable of creating a new character for that minority (being women, an ethnic group or disabled people) without using a pre-existing character. It means that in your head, to detach yourself from the negative stereotypes, you need a white male model because you are not able to imagine a minority character without those flaws on your own.

4. Companions: Graham was fun compared to Ryan and Yaz, but if we compare the Companions to the older ones, the new ones lose. And lose real bad. They left me nothing. They characterization is non-existent, they follow the Doctor and that’s it. Ryan should have disability but it appears only when the screenwriter remembers. Meh. I don’t have much to say about them, they really didn’t left any impression on me. I was not fond of Martha and I can list reasons why, I couldn’t stand Clara and I can go on 30 minutes saying why. These new ones are just... meh.

5. The Doctor. I didn’t see him... her... them. Let’s start with a note: I saw Jodie in Broadchurch and I didn’t like her there, so when I found out she was going to be the new Doctor, I was not amazed. If it had to be a woman, I would have preferred someone else, but anyway. This Doctor didn’t have any special features, it just looked like an hyped 10 or 11, but without their depth. Kind is an adjective, not a character trait. I feel that her character was not studied enough, she didn’t have enough depth. It got better with the beginning of this new season but honestly? You can’t be able to write a character properly only when they face their nemesis. 

6. The episodes. Oh. My. God. The first season of this new Doctor was a series of episodes that looked like they jumped out of the 60s. Teaching people through an entertainment show doesn’t mean you have to take the show, make an episode on whatever the problem you want to discuss is and make some sort of documentary about it. It means you try to explain to people through fun, adventures, analogies... those who watch DW now are not 6 years old. They know that if you show them a genocide on another planet with segregation, spaceships etc, you are telling them not to be racist assholes. They do not need Rosa Parks to give them a lecture. Episode in which appears a villain with an unkown objective and we don’t see ever again, but ok. 

7. The cherry on top. The timeless children. What. The. Actual. Fuck. So Chibnall just decided to take 60 years of TV show and toss it into the garbage can, right? That was the purpose, right? Because otherwise I don’t see it. So the Doctor is a creature from another planet, not Gallifrey, who can regenerate. The Gallifreyan see them, think “oh nice” and go all Frankenstein on them. Noice. I have just a teeny tiny itsy bitsy problem with that. And for one I mean so many that they are more than the leaves on the trees in the Amazon forest. You are nullifying “End of time”, “This is Gallifrey”, the 50th anniversary... moreover Clara saw their past, she would have seen that something was off. They can’t remember? Fine. But it’s still there, it’s not like they transplanted their brain. 

8. The name of the Doctor. The big secret. The name that must never be spoken. The name that was keeping the universe together... and they revealed it like that. Brendan? Really? The name of the Doctor was a legend, you were not supposed to name them for real! Brendan? SERIOUSLY?

9. Doctor and Master. They were friends since they were kids. They grew up together. They studied together. They went on adventures together. They lost friends together. They grew apart and they kept fighting each other... but they were best enemies. Ok, a couple of times one really killed/let the other die, but go back to the beginning and count those times. They were two faces of the same coin, getting on each other nerves and saving each other over and over again. For the Doctor, the Master was the only other Time Lord in the universe for so long he was willing to pardon a genocide to save him (more than once). Their relationship was based on the fact that in a way they were complementary: the Master has no restraints, while the Doctor tries to be good when they both have done so many terrible things (including genocide, eh Doctor? You are not so innocent, honey). Their relationship was beautiful and painful. And it went down the drain. You are telling me that the Doctor is a superior being, they are not equals anymore, they are not two faces of the same coin, they are not even the same species so what are we talking about? And the coldness of the Doctor while she lets him die? Who the hell are you?

TL;DR Chibnall took a character I loved from a show I loved and torn it apart. The season and the characters were not written as I expected, I mean that they were 2D version of themselves, no depth there. Nothing interesting. I think he tried too much all at once: female Doctor, 3 companions, one shot episodes. Man, pick one thing you want to change and stick with it. You already have to run a show you have never run before, so you have to understand how to make it work. 4 characters are difficult to handle all at once and at the same time give them all the right space, depth and characterization in seasons that have less than 15 episodes each.

I am so pissed. I didn’t appreciate Jodie, but in a little corner of my mind I had always tought I would come back to Doctor Who once she was gone, but that’s not possible anymore. Funny thing is, this show made me meet the majority of my friends, the people with whom I started hanging our 6 years ago. We would have never met without DW probably. I kind of feel robbed now.

[zithjen]

Some Core Issues of this World

Before we dive into the execution of a revolution we should probably address why change is necessary and why it is so important that it happens soon.

The issue that has always bothered me personally the most is that of the exploitation of the worker. To think that the t-shirt I was wearing was sewn by a girl my age or younger, in a run-down factory, breathing in poisonous gases, continuously working her hands bloody (literally) because she has no real choice but to let companies exploit her, just to ensure that her family can afford the barest necessities of life. It is one of the most disgusting things I can think of. She doesn’t have the option of doing something with her life that fulfils her. She has to sell her labour at a wage that is no where near enough to provide for her loved ones. And to top this off employers could not care less for their employees’ safety and thus the working conditions are often insecure and endanger the workers. Phew, all the topics that come to my mind when thinking about this. Apart from endangering their workers, big companies and employers take away people’s means of living by for example pressuring them to sell their farmland which has been their main source of food and income for generations or buying up a vital fresh water source, bottling it up and selling the water these people used to get for free straight from nature for money which they simply do not have (not to mention the pollution created during the process if plastic bottle-making and then the shipping of the goods (I tip my hat to you if you also immediately thought of companies like Nestlé who are one of these monsters)). Or, which I might find even worse, such factories polluting their environment with chemicals either out of self-servitude or ignorance. Excuse me, I get carried away. Awful things that we let happen.

Now, as for the reason why this is an issue that could and needs to be ended by a system change is that this exploitation is the absolute base on which capitalism is built. Capitalism relies on the means of production getting cheaper and cheaper and the market to continue expanding. And seeing as we as consumer ship expect less expensive products the money we do not want to pay needs to be taken from somewhere. I can guarantee you that CEO’s will not part with a single penny which means that labourers (this includes office workers as well nowadays, contrary to Karl Marx’ time where this particular class struggle was first properly studied and where Marx’ oppressed class, the Proletariat, was made up by all workers (meaning factory and manual labourers) of the world) will have to deal with worsening working conditions and even less pay.

Instead of having only a handful of people in a company call the shots, make most of the money and not care about the people doing the actual work, anarcho-syndicalists as well as communists suggest self organisation and the complete abolishment of hierarchies, as well as a reconnecting with the work we are doing. The people working in a factory deciding how, when, and what they want to do that is, however, just a small part of that change.

While we are on the topic of exploitation, something else that is grossly being exploited is our earth and her resources. I don’t know where or when people got the idea that the earth is a 24 hours unlimited all you can eat buffet but it isn’t. Get that idiocy out of your heads. On the bright side, not all people are completely unaware. So there have been multiple trends in recent years such as a ban of plastic bags in supermarket chains all over the world and the most recent trend of refusing plastic straws. While it is admirable that some people are doing something it is hardly enough. What needs to change is again the system. 100 companies are responsible for 70% of emissions and although I do not know the numbers for the responsibility of ocean pollution I’d wager our plastic sins, while despicable and under all costs needs to be reduced, if not stopped, are nowhere near as harmful as that of big companies. Now, more important than continuing to reduce the harmful ways in which we impact our planet as individuals, is that we pressure big companies to either do the same or make sure they disappear forever. Aside from harmful emissions and plastic, in order to make profit, companies destroy enormous amounts of forest (especially in South America) for mono cultures of plants such as soy and palm trees. I have to admit geography is not my area of expertise, however, if I’m not mistaken then the hummus layer (which is the layer with most nutrients) in the ground in the rain forests is rather thin and can only be used for a short amount of time before yield is close to non existent without massive fertilisation. As though removing a big chunk of our planet’s lungs, our oxygen provider, wasn’t bad enough, using such amounts of fertiliser is incredibly harmful. And eventually these big stretches of land will have to be abandoned and by then the ground is so exhausted of nutrients that the forest struggles to reclaim the land. I can not even express my disdain for such reckless and stupid actions. And again we have only scratched the surface of these atrocities. We have yet to address the massive loss of life and habitat during deforestation. But I’ll leave that to organisations such as WWF and Green Peace.

Another topic close to my heart is discrimination. This will take me some time to cover as we are talking about discrimination against different ethnicities, people in the LGBTQ community, women, and, tied to the discrimination against ethnicities, xenophobia, and I’ll scrape the topic of the absolute brainlessness of borders and keeping people out of a country.

As a foreigner who grew up in the central European country I quickly learnt how normal discrimination is. As a child I got harassed and called slurs due to my origins. I wasn’t alone in this. If you didn’t absolutely adapt to the predominant culture you would have a though life. While this can be rather traumatising it is nothing compared to what prejudices for example black people in Europe as well as the US have had to live with. Shot at, killed, unjustly taken into custody, wrongly imprisoned. To name a few. I can’t believe that I am explaining this because the only right thing, on which I will not argue with anyone, is to judge a person based not on their skin colour, clothes, physical appearance, piercings, tattoos, hair colour, headscarf, burka, or anything like that, but on their actions and their capacity to show kindness. Back to the topic at hand. While there may be a lot of minorities, such as black people who live in poverty, which in no way represents their laziness or inferiority, they are not given the same opportunities as other people because of their skin colour. Prejudice and decades of oppression has forced them into impossible situations, where for many survival is their biggest concern. Being denied access to education or having to “sit with the brown kids” at lunch is what keeps them imprisoned in a lower class. This struggle is exceptionally painful as black people freed themselves of slavery mere decades ago just to be continuously mistreated.

Unfortunately, discrimination is not limited to people of colour. Modern women’s rights movements, which have been going on for over 100 years also still struggle and have to fight for each scrap of equality. I will not delve too deep into the topic. I will say though. My body. My choice. You can fuck the hell off if you tell any woman who did not specifically ask for your opinion how she should live her life. This is regarding clothing choices, choices regarding children, or how many or few sexual partners she has. Aside from that, many people see equality between men and women as achieved when plain and simple it has not been. The pay gaps being the smallest issue. Women are denied jobs for which they would be the perfect candidate for the reason of being female. The annoying thing about this is that many are not aware of their own prejudices, which makes it that much harder to battle. Women are naturally assumed to be the stay-at-home parent and are pressured into the “right” gender role. This applies to both men and women of course and the issue of bigenderism will be another point of discussion in the future. DISCLAIMER: Just because you do not do one of these things that does not automatically make you a non-sexist. It just makes you not quite such a sexist. Treat women as equals and there you go. Now actively say or do something for equal rights for women and you’ll be a feminist. This includes all women; white, black, Muslim, Christian, trans, etc. (We will discuss feminism and the fears connected to it at a later point as well.)

Speaking of trans (great TRANSition). Acceptance towards the lgbtq community is lacking as well. Not only is there a lack of acceptance but people actively hinder lgbtq members from being happy and living their lives the way they want to. I will try to make this very clear: they are not harming you by loving who they love and fucking who they want as you are. Who do you think you are, attacking them when they do nothing to harm you. Instead of complaining or hating queer people you might want to judge people based on their morals, as I have said before. A gay guy that’s rude is just as much of an unlikable person as a straight guy. He is, however, not an unlikable person because he’s gay. Never. Let people do what they want as long as they don’t harm anyone. And no one has a right to harm them for being who they are. Not civilians, not police. We just passed pride month, which, apart from reminding us to love who we love, should remind us of those who have fought for the rights of lgbtq members. It should remind us of those who were crushed and prohibited from loving and those who were suppressed by their governments and their police. Hatred will not stand against love.

And it is in these times, I believe, that we need love for one another more than ever before. We have reached a certain standard of living in western society that we do not have to fear for our lives. Unfortunately, not all people are that lucky. People flee from their home countries, whether it’s because it’s at war, or they can’t provide for their families. For whatever reason they flee, they are looking for a better life for their families and themselves and they need to be given a chance. Of course the problems in their countries need to be solved, but until they are these people need a home. Instead of pretending that they are all evil you could get over yourself and get to know some of them. Yes, there may be a cultural difference but it might be interesting to get to know it, broaden your horizon. Everyone is a human as you are. Some where just more or less fortunate in where they were born and how their country has been or is being governed. They have worries enough. Be kind to them. There is no need to put them in concentration camps, build walls to keep them out, separate children from their families, or be scared of them altogether.

Speaking of concentration camps (aka ICE). Many anarchists will agree that we hold no love for the police. I only briefly mentioned police brutality in the paragraphs about discrimination. I did not even scratch the surface of the disgusting things they do. They have been given the power and the right, by their government, to use force when they deem it necessary. Keep in mind they choose when they want to use force. It is no coincident that there are more black people being shot than white people by police, or that more lgbtq members are beat up than cis men. There is an imbalance in the distribution of power. We are governed from the top down and it is all we can do not to submit and accept this injustice.

If you take anything from this, let it be that we are all human beings, who deserve to live our lives as we choose, without fear for survival. Assuming we are different from one another because we are born in different places marked only by an imaginary line, or the colour of our skin, sexuality, or gender (which is also an ide constructed by our society).

It is not a coincidence either that all the oppressed are not white, straight, old men who sit in positions of power and assure that these few named injustices continue. It is our duty to ensure that no innocent is harmed and every moment we fail to do just that, is one moment too much. We need to fight this. Now.

[shilohstrxfe]

Character  Intro - Shiloh Strife

╰☆╮ ROSS LYNCH ,  21 , CISMALE , HE/HIM ☆ — wait , is that ( SHILOH STRIFE ) ? dean lockwood has been looking for them . you didn’t hear it from me but , apparently the ( SOPHOMORE ) might know something about the whole omega chi & kappa tau situation . while they can be ( CRUDE & STUBBORN ) , they’re far too( DEDICATED & INNOVATIVE ) to be involved , right ? those who know them say they’re reminded of ( rainy days outdoors daring the lightning to strike you, chapped lips and a cold nose, a murky pond in the middle of the forest, something otherworldly and vaguely threatening, the light feeling that accompanies playing music for yourself ) whenever they’re around .  honestly , the ( MUSIC PERFORMANCE ) major should try to keep their head down . after the events of last semester , lockwood is out for blood . did you know that ( SHILOH ) is a member of ( KAPPA TAU GAMMA ) ? that might explain why their name is being brought up .  ☆ Z  ,19+ , HE/HIM , & EST ╰☆╮

Hey, it’s you boy Z back at it again with a second character! I’m excited to introduce y’all to Shiloh - little shit and younger brother to the wonderful Sam Strife. He’s here to make your life slightly more difficult and play some bitchin’ music along the way. 

I’m working on a connections page right now so when it’s finished, it should be linked here. Without further adu, here’s a shitstorm of an intro I wanted to get posted before I had to leave. if you have any questions, let me know and I’ll try my best to answer/clarify. 

Tw for below (if you can’t read because of these, let me know and I’ll give you an abridged version without triggers) : Child Abuse/Past Child Abuse, Verbal/Mental Abuse, Parental Neglect, Anxiety, Depression, Alcohol/Drug Use

Basics -

Name: Shiloh Sebastian Strife

Age: 21

Gender: Cismale (he/him)

Sexuality/Romantic Orientation: Demiromantic Bisexual 

Siblings: 1 Older Brother (Samuel) and 2 younger siblings

Year of Study: Junior

Major: Music Performance

Minor: Psychology

Greek Life: Part of Kappa Tau Gamma

Extra-Curricular Activities: Men’s Swim Team, He’s part of an alt-rock band where he sings lead and plays bass when needed

Intro - (read sam’s intro for more on their childhood)

- His name means ‘the peaceful one/peace’, which is ironic since he’s the farthest thing from a peaceful person - He's the second eldest at 21 (literally just had a birthday on the 20th) but he doesn’t act like it. If Sam’s responsible and nurturing, Shiloh’s reckless and standoffish at the best of times. - He's a little shit through and through -  However, he wasn’t always. When he was still technically under his mother’s roof, he was extraordinarily well-behaved. Once he got out from under her thumb, however, he went a little crazy with the freedom - Pierced his ears, dyed his hair, drank till he passed out - anything he could do to shed his mother’s ideals, he did.  - He’s settled a bit, but not much, and he’s big into the party scene.  - Most of the time, he’s terrified. Fear is a constant in his life, even when it really has no reason to be there, and more often than not that fear is expressed as anger or he goes overboard trying to counteract it and does stupid shit that should very well be scary because it’s DANGEROUS - Overcompensation should be his middle name because it's basically all he does. He puts on a front of cocky fearlessness because he's tired of being afraid, he's tired of feeling like he's not good enough and he's basically hinging all his hopes on the philosophy 'fake it 'till you make it.'  - Getting into Hollingsworth was mandatory in his mind and so he followed in his brother's footsteps and used his musical talent to shoehorn his way in. He's a fantastic Cellist and he loves to play but he rarely makes it public knowledge because Cellos aren't really seen as a 'badass' instrument and he's gotta maintain the aesthetic.  - He loves Sam more than anyone else in the entire goddamn world - including his other siblings, though he puts them at a close second - and Shiloh would probably murder for him in need be. Seriously. Not exaggerating.  - His sense of self is super messed up. He doesn't really know who he is or what he wants to do with himself, so he puts a lot of effort into not thinking about it - His identity was basically ripped away from him by his mother and he never had a chance to figure out who he wanted to be until he moved away. Now, he doesn’t know where to start, but he does know he wants to squash the pieces of himself his mother encouraged.  -  Shiloh can be nice, he's great at being nice, he's just done with it. At this point, it feels wrong. Niceness is a mask, yet another thing their mother ruined for him. So manners can go fuck themselves, thank you very much  - he’s got a hard time forming interpersonal relationships, but when he does he clings to them like a lifeline. Fights with his friends/family member destroy him.  - he’s never had a serious boyfriend/girlfriend, but he kind of wants one

Lighthearted Headcannons - 

- He’s 5′10″ and pissed about it. His brother’s like six inches taller, which is just unacceptable, so he wears shoes with a bit of a heel to compensate  - he dyes his hair a lot. Most commonly it’s either black, blond, or peach. They’re his favorite colors and he thinks they look good on him.  - He plays bass/does lead vocals for an Alt Rock band in the area and performing is (oddly enough) one of the only times he doesn’t feel fear/anxiety - he loves cats - for a while he wanted a pet rat, but those dreams died when he went to go get one and realized their tales freaked him out - he’s a huge sci-fi nerd

[joie-university-rp]

Dear HUNTER CLARINGTON,

It is with great pleasure we invite you admission to Joie University! Welcome to the Thunderclap family!

–

Congratulations, RY! Please be sure to check the New Members’ Checklist and send in your character’s account within 24 hours from now. We cannot wait to see all that you will bring to this roleplay! We love you already!

OOC INFORMATION:

Name/Alias; Ry

Preferred pronouns: She/her

Age, 26

Timezone: EST

Activity, short explanation: 7/10 I work night shift and I can do replies at work and I sleep during the day so afternoons/evenings is my main availability

Ships: /chemistry

Anti-Ships: /incest /forced

Triggers: RFP

   Preferred photo for Character’s ID (please give a link): https://images.app.goo.gl/1QP14nfoFNMQw1r39

Anything else: yeah i copied this from my other app

IC INFORMATION:

Full Name (First, Middle, Last): Hunter David Clarington

FC: Nolan Funk

Age/Year at University: Junior, 20

Birth date: January 3, 1998

Hometown: Toronto, Canada

Gender/Pronouns: Cis male, he/him/his

Sexuality: Heterosexual (has never been with/interested in other genders/a-gender folks so we will see what happens)

Major(s): Political Science (not on the list but please?)

Minor(s): Foreign Affairs

Housing request: Schuester Dormitory (RA Suite)

Extracurriculars: Archery, Swim, Competitive Rowing, RA, Mock UN

Greek Life Affiliation: N/A

CHARACTER PROFILE:

[At least] 3 Headcanons for your character:

I actually wanted to be a fucking teacher after I found out about Benny. When I was a kid I wanted to be a decent brother but I never got the chance because I was off at stupid military academy and never got a chance to know him. In the end I went with political studies because had to fucking do what Dad said.

So what if I had a fucking Adderall problem, if he was your father you’d have a fucking Adderall problem too; he’s lucky it’s not speed. I just spent six weeks in some stupid rehab center because clearly he has fucking spies at this school which isn’t even a fucking joke because he really does have eyes everywhere I should have been smarter but I thought I was being careful enough making my purchases. I really fucking hope it wasn’t Ben that told him.

I’m a fucking genius, I could do way more with my life than just being some Military grunt but here I am doing what I’m told getting ready to worm my way up the Military ladder just like him.

You could say I resent my upbringing and father and brother. Yeah it can make me lash out both verbally and physically. I heard enough about my temper from my father even before being shipped off to Military School.

The only way to attempt to control my anger is through exercise that I learned from our joyful father and military upbringing. Since you want to know all my deep dark secrets here’s one: sometimes, when the feelings of resentment are high, I will just wallow in my sad little feelings rather than working them because all this brainwashed need for physical exertion was indoctrinated by father but you know what I’m more likely to explode at anyone who comes near me when I get on that road.

I’m not going to talk about my mother like some baby, my eyes aren’t filled with the ghosts of my past and all that but yeah she passed when I was ten, nothing I can do about it, she was sick for a long time, that’s probably why I was always sent away to school, not that my old man ever wanted to see my fucking face anyway.

STUDENT CENSUS SURVEY:

(Please answer the following questions IN CHARACTER. Responses can be as long or short as you see fit!)

What made you want to attend Joie University? The old man picked it out for me so not really any “want” involved. Fuck knows I’m surprised the old man hasn’t forced this school to create a Krav Maga club after sending both his sons here.

What are at least 3 positive or neutral and at least 3 negative traits that you believe you possess? Like I said I’m a fucking genius which is always a positive. Father has instilled determination and ambition in me so I never can fail at anything. We have to have three of these damn things? Okay I’m really fucking attractive. Does having a asshole dictator for a father count as a negative trait? Otherwise my temper can get my in trouble, people just piss me off and my fathers brainwashing doesn’t help. Being a perfectionist is another thing I got from Daddy dearest; sometimes my fucking obsessiveness can drive myself mad. My nicotine habit is definitely the one negative thing I’m trying to kick. At one point I would do anything to try and release my anger but fuck knows all I’m doing is practically begging to kick the bucket early.

Which of your traits do you value most? Being a genius is pretty fucking valuable.

How can that trait benefit the University (or its student body) as a whole? Fuck if I know, I suppose my great grades will make the school look good or something.

What do you hope to gain from your experience at JU? Get my father out of my head and learn to be a fucking decent person not my father’s clone.

What is a quote or song lyric that describes you? [s]Knowing there has to be more to life than this, knowing I’m special, waiting for someone to see it.[/s]

“Are you going to make me rewrite this shit into some kind of glossy college application or is this just for me to look at in four years at graduation so I can see how far I’ve come or some other fucking stupid thing?”

[with-galaxies-in-her-veins]

let’s talk eating disorders (TW)

*sigh*

this isn’t really something i like to talk about, because, hi, it’s personal and private, but i think that it’s something that needs to be heard, especially if you are someone who wants to help a loved one recover. i know that this is going to cause a lot of drama, but hey, if it helps someone, i’ll willing to face the brunt of it, so here goes.

eating disorders are a mental illness. they may not seem like one, since “oh, all they really are is just starving, binging, and purging, right?” wrong. see, the parts of our brains that normally tell us “okay, stop eating” or “eat now” are different from those of a non-disordered person. this is caused by multiple different reasons, from either the hypothalamus not sending the correct signals to your brain whilst eating (1), or your own stubbornness/personal drive.

let’s break it down, shall we?

first things first: you can have an eating disorder and be overweight

dear all things holy and sweet, the amount of times i’ve read/heard the phrase “but you’re not even skinny, how can you have an eating disorder?” is so plentiful that if i had a dollar for each time i heard it, i would be able to afford the therapy i so desperately need.

here’s the thing, though, that not many people get. there are loads of eating disorders, not just the most commonly heard-of anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa. the stigma that you have to be underweight to have an eating disorder is so incredibly ridiculous, not to mention damaging to the kids and teenagers who don’t realize that “hey, you can have an eating disorder and be at a normal/higher weight.” (2) let’s put it this way: say you’re struggling through something, and you don’t quite have all the symptoms shown online or depicted in movies. because of this, you feel like you don’t deserve recovery because “you don’t have all the symptoms of this, though,” and you won’t stop your behaviour and habits until you do. that’s what goes through the mind of an anorexic who isn’t underweight. so the stereotype of a girl clinging to life by a pound is completely damaging to a person, especially if that person is young.

next, notice how i don’t use specific genders, races, or religions here. that’s because anyone, regardless of those factors, can have an eating disorder.

according to  National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders, “16% of transgender college students reported having an eating disorder”, “2.1% of sexual minority men reported having an eating disorder” (in a large national study of college students), and “eating disorders affect all races and ethnic groups.” (3) do you see what this means? not just pretty rich white girls have eating disorders. and here’s another thing: happiness has nothing to do with it. granted, many people with eating disorders have other mental illnesses (depression, anxiety, body dysphoria, etc.), but that’s not the only factor here. psychological, social, biological, and external factors are all things to be considered. research has suggested that those who have had family members who struggled with an eating disorder are much more susceptible to having one themselves, later on in life. (4)

obviously there’s much more to be covered here, but if i chose to go over each and every little detail, this post would be longer and more annoying than jay gatsby’s pining for daisy. if you’re interested in doing more research before you read the next topic, please see the links i have provided below.

a personal outlook on anorexia, and what it’s like to have it

okay, now for the juicy stuff you were probably expecting before i smacked you in the face with statistics and facts (you know, boring things people tend to ignore)

so, i think the first thing i want to say is that no, i’m not stupid, and no, i’m not being selfish.

see, many people associate anorexia with vanity, selfishness, stupidity, etc. that’s really not it. again, eating disorders are a mental illness, therefore meaning that it’s not really something that can be easily controlled. when you have anorexia, there’s this little voice in the back of your mind that’s constantly telling you “oh, you’ll never be enough until you’re skinny.” actually, wait, scratch that. some people don’t even have anorexia to be skinny. things like past traumas, bullying, abuse, etc. can cause it because it’s a form of either punishment, self-harm/self-destruction, or a defense mechanism. for me, it’s a form of self-destruction.

my anorexia started out as a 11-12 year old me romanticizing eating disorders because of what i’ve read and watched in the media. i was never a “fat” or “overweight” person, but seeing images of skinny models with thigh gaps and collarbones made me think that “oh, that’s what society values, so in order to make more friends and be popular, i need to look like that.” add this to a few past comments from classmates, and, well, we all know where that ended, right?

sigh.

if there is one thing that i wish i could tell myself back then, it would be “baise la société. ne vous inquiétez pas de ce que quelqu'un pense de vous et vivez votre vie selon vos propres valeurs.” (fuck society. do not worry about what someone thinks of you and live your life according to your own values.) i spent so much of my 14th year of life worrying about my weight, and when i tried recovery (actually trying, not just eating a little normal and saying “oh, i’ve recovered!”) a few months ago, the relapse was the worst i’ve ever had. see, even when you think you’re doing okay, and have a semi-normal relationship with food and your body, your eating disorder will still be there. i tried multiple times to recover, each time trying a new method, but, as you can see, i obviously failed.

but here’s something i really want you to understand: just because i have this disorder, does not mean i’m foolish.

i understand perfectly the long-term effects of this disorder. i understand that if i keep going until i reach my goals, whatever they may be, i will die. i understand all of it. i’ve done the research, i’ve read the testimonies, i’ve seen the first-hand effects of this disorder, and i’ve lived through them. i know that living this way is terrible and not really any way to live at all, and i know that living in general is amazing and incredible, and that i should want to keep doing it. but here’s the thing. like many people in the eating disorder community, i’m not here to just “lose weight.” i’m here to slowly kill myself in a way that ensures i can’t ever be fixed. sure, i could try therapy, inpatient, outpatient, whatever, but i know that it won’t work for me. why, you may ask? i don’t want the help, and i know that it will be a waste of time and money.

i’m not telling you this to make you pity me, or feel bad, or to get you to try and be all “oh gosh, this kid needs saving.” no. i’m telling you this so that you can better understand what it’s like to actually have this disorder. it��s not starving and exercising, it’s cycles of restriction and binging, crying when you realize you’ve gained weight, and absolutely loathing how you look on a daily basis. these thoughts, habits, whatever you want to call it, are what makes an eating disorder so goddamn destructive, and i refuse to just sit by and watch as more and more lives get taken by this parasitic illness.

in my head, i know that i’m not fat. i’m a small person. i don’t have any problem seeing myself as small when i’m surrounded by people. but when i’m alone, i see myself as this horridly overweight being, and that image never leaves my mind. i guess you could call it a mindset, or a disordered mentality towards my body.  each time i see my reflection in a mirror, i check to see if i look skinny or not. i wrap my hands around my wrists, ankles, thighs, arms, etc. just to see if i’ve lost weight or gained. it’s an obsession, it’s unhealthy, and it’s a terrible outlook to have on yourself. this outlook, it’s this same that makes me know that, at the moment, no, recovery will not help me.

in order for someone to recover, they need to want it. they need to see for themselves why recovery is the best option. forcing it upon someone can only do so much, especially if they aren’t willing and resist you every step of the way. sometimes the person needs to be pushed towards wanting it, yeah, and sometimes that person will change their mind. 

and here’s another thing: just because i don’t want to recover, doesn’t mean that i think you’re crazy or dumb if you want to

it’s honestly so ridiculous that i need to explain this, but regarding recovery, my choices, actions, and behaviours do not match my beliefs. although i personally do not want to recover at the moment, i still believe that you, or someone struggling, should find the strength in them to go into recovery. 

the end, as well as a few resources

now, what you do with this information is up to you. you can choose to do some further research on the topic so you can understand better just what an eating disorder really feels like, or you can just ignore this, because, after all, i am just a messed up teenager who probably doesn’t know what she’s talking about (even though she has sources clearly listed below that are so painfully evident, even the most ignorant of tumblr users would be able to find them). i don’t know if i touched down on everything i wanted to cover, but hey, at least i tried, right?

either way, i wish you the best of luck, and hope you understand this a little better, and have a broader outlook on this whole topic. there is a plethora of information available to you at any time, and i strongly urge you to look into it before approaching someone with an eating disorder.

(1) - https://www.helpguide.org/articles/eating-disorders/binge-eating-disorder.htm/

(2) - https://www.eatingdisorders.org.au/eating-disorders/what-is-an-eating-disorder/classifying-eating-disorders/dsm-5

(3) - https://anad.org/education-and-awareness/about-eating-disorders/eating-disorders-statistics/

(4) - https://www.eatingdisorders.org.au/eating-disorders/what-is-an-eating-disorder/risk-factors

thank you for taking the time to read this, and i really, sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, hope that this can help someone

[trueishcolours]

My siblings and I accidentally write a Ron/Victor Krum 4th year fix it fic in the group chat

Isabel: guyS

Rewatching goblet of fire

And I have to say

How amazing would it have if

It was a LOT less gendered

And also

If Ron and Krum had got together instead of Krum and Hermione

Thomas: Oh yeah there's so much Gender  

Isabel Ron already basically has a crush on Krum

Would have been great  

Thomas: idk, he's more jealous of him in my opinion  

Isabel: Nah

He has the action figure

He says he's an artist

It's definitely there

Thomas: Tru 

Clare: I mean on a superficial level I liked the Hermione/Krum part because it made me relate that a girl who is usually uninterested in 'feminine' things might still have some anxieties and take some interest now and again, and 'this super hot guy will like You, the Nerd' is standard wish fulfilment, but honestly I could take it or leave it. A grumpy feminist could equally well read it as 'EVEN smort girls like Hermione want to be feminine REALLY uwu'

And that would be a boring analysis but the whole feminine versus not argument is boring and not what we're here for

Anyway

The Krum drama kicks off the Romione subplot and honestly I hate Romione as a ship, to me it feels forced from beginning to end

But Ron/Krum would tie in really nicely to the whole character arc for Ron that JKR started in the first book and then forgot about where he evolves into an amazing intelligent badass without noticing it

Picture: He is dooting along, vaguely bummed because he's nothing special compared to his older bros, then in book four he realises wait he DOES stand out from others because he's gay/bi/whatever but he's not sure he WANTS that because standing out for being a minority is a fucking hassle but by the seventh book he is war hero, chess master and gay icon and vaguely confused about it

Hell, you could even have Hermione go to the ball with Krum, get her girly character development in and have Ron freak out and both of them /assume/ it's about her when it's not

It would just

Be better Thomas: Queer theory saves the day once again

Clare: :D  

Isabel: JUST BASICALLY RON, ALL THE TIME, WITH A BETTER CHARACTER ARC

Thomas: I love this  

Isabel: Honestly decades later I am still just so salty about Ron's lack of development, hell, anti development. I just want everything for him

Clare: Like, not to make it automatically angsty just because it's gay but Ron being Not Straight ties in so well with his typical theme of qualities that he think make him less than Textbook Perfect actually being his great strengths (I read a great analysis that Ron actually achieves all his brothers' goals without trying or noticing)

Ron just utterly stalls as a character in the books

And Harry is a shitty friend to him by the end

She kind of pulled it back with his deathly hallows arc but it was bungled and could have come across as just bashing him

Isabel: HE IS. Ron is so taken for granted.

Clare: God, Ron is SO much less of a dick if his yelling at Hermione in book four is coming out of Sudden Repressed Realisation, not just 'woman I like is doing something I don't like'

Isabel: I watched film 4 last night and just everyone??? Is so horrible to each other??? All the time??? I swear in the books it's so much better handled

Other reasons why bi/gay Ron headcanon is important: - most masculine of the trio/ has a million big brothers so dealing with toxic masculinity/ bucking queer stereotypes in there too - an extra 'fuck you' to the whole pure blood thing which I reckon is really homophobic as it means your bloodline won't get continued or some shit - Krum coaching Ron on Keeping in bad English. Tell me it's not cute. - Ron's a linguist (he learnt parselmouth on like 2 listens)!! Tell me he wouldn't learn Bulgarian?! - just, chaotic bilingual Quidditch talk, all the time, forever?!

Clare: UM your pidgin Quiddich is now my new fave headcanon forever????? You're SO RIGHT Ron is smart, he's just not academic. He would DEFINITELY pick up a language fast if he was using it to talk to his boyfriend/about quiddich

Isabel: EXACTLY

Clare: Plus all the stuff you said about toxic masculinity and purebloodism.

MAKE THE SUBTEXT TEXTUAL, YOU COWARDS

Isabel: #giveRonaBoyfriend2k18

Also not around for the lowkey weirdness of Ron and Harry dating CANONICALLY IDENTICAL AND BORING non white girls to the Yule Ball

I know that you can overdo all this stuff but seriously the fuck

Clare: It is a bit odd and icky   

Isabel: Ok so this is what happens

Krum asks Hermione to the Yule Ball and it's like she gets her cute moment with him

But then instead of spending the whole evening being a whiny bish Ron shows un-JKR-characterisation-characteristic maturity and puts a brave face on it and talks to them both

He's upset but doesn't full on ruin their evenings

And then Hermione after the ball, (gradually realising with slight horror that she and Krum actually have literally nothing in common) kind of keeps... asking... Ron to hang out with them

And at first Ron's like lol no way am I third wheeling

But then the temptation to hang out with his literal idol becomes too strong

And he and Krum start hanging out independently of Hermione

(who's probably in the lib helping Harry study for the second task at this point anyway)

The weather is still too cold for Quidditch

Ron thinks

But somehow Ron ends up playing anyway

IN THE SNOW

WITH VICTOR

HE'S GETTING COACHED BY AN ACTUAL WORLD CUP FINAL SNITCH CATCHING PLAYER AND HE IS NOT CHILL

Clare: Hoooooly fuck this is perfect

(except he actually is because it's like -10 and snowing what the fuck Krum) Ron putting his big boy panties on and dealing during the ball, leading to him actually having an in with Krum via Hermione

I love the dynamic of Hermione just...awkwardly asking her friends to hang with them...just to break the silence...

Isabel: YEAH EXACTLY

And then them all actually having a nice evening

Clare: I mean the point of Krum with her was to get that 'YASSSS I'm dating a hot guy!' moment WHILE ALSO showing how easily it fizzles, so nothing needs to change there

Hermione could even do her 'ugh, quiddich and BOYS' routine

Isabel: Awkward because of course it is awkward what is a teenage party without angst but also, fun

yeah exactly! the slow dawning that fuuuuck, I've just brought another stupid quidditch boi into my life oh god why

Clare: Ron still knows more about the history of the game and all the technical terms than Harry so has more to talk to Krum about

Isabel: And then you know Ron and Krum stumble back into the castle with Ron wearing Krum's hat à la Chad and Ryan, and Skeeter doesn't bat an eyelid because it doesn't fit her trashy narrative

Clare: RIGHT I've got to sleep I'm getting a cold but I love this

Isabel: ok go sleep

OK ONE MORE POINT

we almost certainly get the insanely awkward 'think you're in luurve Ron' or 'lol if you love Krum so much you should date him not Hermione'! moment from either Fred or George or maybe Ginny

And there's just a kind of... missing step moment

Clare: I think all of them would do that

I mean they're pretty mean to Ron anyway, especially about love

Isabel: Exactly they're all horrible but MAYBE this would teach them!!

Clare: Exactly! It would rip the rug out from under them and they'd be like wait shit

Isabel: We are actually mean to Ron... a lot

Clare: Especially because in this timeline Ron still gets the hassle from his sibs but unlike in the main timeline where he is just butt monkey forever he has the trump card that he's got a boyfriend who's a world famous quiddich player

Like, if you're Fred, George, Ginny or even Molly you can't really come back from that reveal. Ron wins.

Isabel: Krum actually being a laser focussed guy who gives people he cares about 300% of his attention

And middle child syndrome attention starved Ron just soaks it up like a blooming Icelandic kid under a sunlamp

Ron win evertiem

Clare: Yeahhhhhh. Being a prodigy who's trained from such a young age he's got to nail that work life balance and it's like 90% work 10% life but that life is INTENSE, he's seen too many people lose their relationships because they won't switch off their metaphorical phones during dates, he gets one (1) month a year and about three (3) important people and when it is Person Time it is PERSON TIME

Right bed for eal I'm dying

Isabel: BED FOR EEL

UGH ALL I WANT IN MY LIFE IS THE 50K+ SLOW BURN QUEER 4TH YEAR REWRITE

BUT I LEGIT DON'T HAVE TIME TO WRITE IT AND I DON'T TRUST MYSELF TO GET RON POV RIGHT ANYWAY

Clare: Bebs I wish you could write it

The raw chemistry my goodness

I ship it now

Is there going to be 'you are treating me like an idol not a real person please stop' angst at any point?

Isabel: OF COURSE THERE IS

Clare: Also Krum is like 'I knew I could trust you because you are bffs with Harry Potter and you treat him like he's totally normal you must be so mature and cool he is so so lucky to have a friend like you

Or well, Krum insecurity that people only like him because of his celeb status anyway

Which is probably why he went for Hermione in the first place because she didn't give a shit

'WOULD WE EVEN BE TOGETHER IN THE FIRST PLACE IF IT WASN'T FOR QUODDICH?'

'... I love you.'

'Bro I wouldn't care if you were the worst player in the world as long as we both are fans of the sport together.'

'Bro.'

Isabel: BRUH

Also can I just ask...?

What happens in the second task??!!?

It's already messed up enough under that lake, love triangles all over the place

This would just be the final straw that resulted in everyone just shrugging and teaming up

Clare: Holy shit

Krum just doots along, takes Ron and goes

Harry's like...wait what...OK...um I guess Hermione and Ron are equally important to me so I'll just take her kk

Isabel: Krum and Ron appearing on the surface of the lake like 'fuck'

The most dramatic declaration of intent ever

Turning yourself into a shark and rescuing them from the bottom of a lake

Clare: Everybody in the stands is SHOOK

Dumbledore like dang I did not predict this

With their hair soaking wet they are both at maximum hot

Isabel: Rita Skeeter's quill combusts

Clare: Krum doesn't point her out as a beetle in Hermione’s hair he's too busy with Ron

Isabel: Yeah she's like where is my gossip at??? Nothing is happening over in Hermione's hair

But yeah I feel like Dumbledore would be like, oh darn, looks like I'm gonna have to show queer solidarity with Ronald Weasely or something

KRUM AT THE BURROW VERY SERIOUSLY COMPLIMENTING MOLLY ON HER FOOD AND ASKING FOR BRITISH RECIPES AND WINNING HER OVER IN A TRICE

Clare: Would Krum charm Molly straight away though? He's very surly and shy and, in the books, not very handsome. Wouldn't Molly start out yikes who is this quiddich yob my son has taken up with?

Ginny on the other hand. Comes out as bi a couple of years later, tells Ron she only started to realise thanks to his example, apologises for being a dick about his love life

Isabel: Yeah I guess actually

I think Molly can get fierce

Clare: She's probably got a bit of pure blood/homophobic anxiety that she cloaks as objections about THIS PARTICULAR boy

Isabel: Either she loves you and adopts you right away or she is like /pulling shotgun down from the shelf/

EXACTLY

She's like

Blaming herself, oh I should have paid more attention and NOW look what's happened

Poor Ronald, always neglected

And Ron's like... mum... this is great

I am happy

Is not problem

Clare: Ron is like I AM NOT DOING THIS FOR ATTENTION JESUS CHRIST

I mean he's probably enjoying having the attention of a quiddich super star and I bet he'd even enjoy the celebrity status of The Boyfriend a bit (best friends get sidelined but romantic partners are news) but he's not doing it FOR attention

Isabel: Yeah, and I think the suggestion that he is would just make him so mad

First confused and then mad

Oh the ANGST

Clare: Especially since that's Krums biggest anxiety

Isabel: Mr Weasely would be chill. I feel like in this whole equation he is the chillest

Clare: What would Percy say? Would social climbing or doing the done thing win out?

Also the attention thing is a way for parents to make their child's relationship all about them. Oh you want me to LOVE you more! No mum I'm growing away from you this is normal

I think Ron would get jealous around Bill and Charlie because they'd swing in all oh our brother is rebellious and has a cool boyfriend? Well we are cool rebels also welcome to the family Victor

Isabel: Yeah... I think Percy is probably pretending to be chill with it and being a bit smarmy to Krum then says something awkward and homophobic and it's worse than if he'd just said it straight up

Clare: I think a lot of Liberal but still pure blood families would take the line of, 'it's fine that you're gay...because you're the sixth son so your blood line isn't in danger and making a socially advantageous match is probably more important for you anyway! And Ron is like Y I K E S

Isabel: Yeah exactly, well I suppose you have enough sons Molly amirite

What do we think about the Krum family?

Are they just happy that their son is forming human relationships

Clare: Hmm. How do they feel about celebrity? Do they think Ron is Not Good Enough or are they actually quite a normal family and are glad Krum has an ordinary guy to keep him grounded?

Isabel: I kind of don't want Ron to have to deal with random Bulgarian disapproval

I think maybe a quite normal family who had a kid who was a genius and has been at boarding school/ travelling for years and years

Maybe Krum already came out to them so that drama is in the past

Clare: Yeah and when he brings Ron home for dinner they're just delighted that Krum is home at all and that he's happy

Yeah maybe he did

He's probably had a lot of time to introspect because of his image and maybe he's an only child?

Isabel: And Ron speaks accented but ok Bulgarian by this point and they're like !!!

Clare: I think one aspect of the large family thing that WOULD affect Ron is its just that much harder to have a private word with your parents so confiding about yourself, especially when you're not 100% sure, just isn't part of the family culture

And there's no time for introspection when you're jockeying for position with six siblings

So Krum is out to his parents while Ron isn't even out to himself

Plus Krums just that bit older

Isabel: No, when you ask for a word it's all 'yes Ron' a bit exasperated

Clare: Krum’s family are just delighted that Ron speaks Bulgarian and is a normal guy who likes their son for himself

Isabel: Maybe they have some kind of cool engineery job and Ron goes out the back and is like well my dad likes cars I will try and help

Uses his mathsy chessy knowledge

Clare: Re. Homophobia I think it is important that it's not all YOU'RE GOING TO HELL like the Muggle brand but instead is very focused on producing pure blood children. Also with the smallness of the pure blood community I bet there's a lot of, not official arranged marriage, but kind of assumed marriage, like in Pride and Prejudice or what may have happened with Prince William and Kate, like, there's three girls your age who your family's on speaking terms with who aren't your first cousins and it'll massively throw off everybody's plans if you don't marry one of them

Yes Ron helping with engineering

Isabel: Headcanon of the Krums as magical engineers with a side passion for quidditch

Clare: I bet he picks up arithmancy that way. Can't learn it in the classroom, can learn it in the garage. And he comes home from the holiday able to actually help his dad with the car and thenceforth Mr Weasley is on board

Isabel: Yeah exactly... they're a bit 'sigh ok this means you're not gonna marry bertha from the bakery but hell at least it's not a veela'

Clare: Also wizarding society is inherently conservative, they haven't even updated their writing system, so anybody doing anything different is looked askance at unless they can play themselves as a genius eccentric like Dumbledore

Isabel: So yeah then Ron turns out to be WHOLESOME af and Krum’s family are like... ok fine. this is fine. In fact yay!

Ok I have to go do some work but this has been almost as good as having the fic itself

Clare: Maybe I'll put a summary on my tumblr and see if anybody wants to adopt it

[quakerjoe]

A Cuppa Joe for 3 January 2019

 Regarding Patriotism

 Patriotism. What the fuck IS that exactly? I used to think it stemmed from the nation’s actual motto “E Pluribus Unum” meaning “From Many, One” where we all stand together, united, as one people, Americans, and look out for one another. That was a hard delusion to wake up from. While such a thing is possible if we so desire it, it isn’t going to happen evidently. Seriously, think about this for a moment. Who do you see the most out here going on about “patriotism” today? Angry white dudes. I don’t see African Americans out there blowing the “Look at me, asshole! I’m a PATRIOT!” horns loudly, nor anyone from the LGBTQ community or from any minority such as our Islamic/Arabic neighbors who came here to get away from all the radical, violent religious bullshit and just want to pray in peace. Angry. White. Dudes. All pining for a “Christian Nation” while acting exactly the opposite to the teachings of Christ. They clean their guns and play circle-jerk warrior in the woods with their limp-dick friends because they’re too much of a sad sack to actually JOIN the military and SERVE. THAT would be Patriotism.

Then again, is serving in the military really being patriotic anymore? I was proud when I served, but looking back on it, WHO was I really serving? Was I truly protecting the US from some threat? Not really. We’re on the other side of the planet, far away from any direct threat. Two massive oceans divide us from any other military that may want to harm us. Then again, WHY would any other military even WANT to harm us? Could it have something to do with the way this nation invades other nations to topple their elected governments and establish banana republics in order to get what “we” want from them? By “we”, I of course don’t mean that you or I give a shit what the price of bananas is. Oil, on the other hand… We all care about oil prices because we’re constantly being blocked from developing and using green power sources so that the rich twats in Big Fossil Fuels can get even richer. They spend thousands on buying elected officials here who band together and pass a tax break law that gives those rich twats savings in the millions and even billions.

But do Central and South American nations have a mobile force to invade us? Fuck no. What about Persian nations that we and other European nations carved up for oil field access, ignoring the territories if Sunni and Shiite, creating nations that have all sort of in-fighting between the two peoples? That’s on us, kids. Still, they don’t have a military worth a damn that can cross the oceans and get to us. So is being over THERE being “patriotic” and really defending our freedom? Fuck no. So WHO are we serving? Rich. White. Dudes. Period. Are THEY “patriotic”? They bribe the government to use military force in nations that they want something from, like oil, or poppy fields for Big Pharma, and they USE us as cheap mercenaries; cannon fodder to secure their FINANCIAL interests, and the thanks veterans get when they get home is shit wages, their families on some sort of financial assistance, and when they need medical or mental health, we practically ignore them and then wonder why the suicide rate for returning vets is so high. Fewer mouths for Uncle Sam to feed, right? Meanwhile, the rich, white dudes don’t ever have to look at them or deal with them and even though the blood is on their hands from war, they weren’t the ones sent in to do the killing. THEY don’t have to deal with the consequences; they just cash in and get rich. No guilt. No empathy. No PTSD. Nada. Just loads of cash. Meanwhile, we use up our munitions and equipment and keep the War Machine and major contractors super-financed in contracts that aren’t bid for anymore. That doesn’t sound at all patriotic to me, but there’s something you need to understand.

YOU are not a person, you’re a component. You’re something to exploit and rob. When people in government today see “We the People” they automatically see that as “We the Rich Fuckers” and the rest of us are the plebes; the livestock that generates money for them and we don’t matter to them. If we did, we’d have had free healthcare coverage and education decades ago, and it’d also be the best on the planet and there’d be a sense of pride in being an American from the richest down to the poorest because we’d be at our healthiest and our smartest. Instead, we revel in our arrogance, our ignorance, and our stupidity. We roll in a puddle of hubris and it seems that most “patriots” don’t even know what that word means. THAT, dear Joes, is the new definition of “patriotism” among the ‘plebe class’, and just like in days of Olde, when the Constitution was first drafted, “People” meant the wealthy class who owned land and property and were the only ones who voted. They got the good food, the good medicine, and the good education while you got little to none of any of it and you’d have been working since the day you could walk and talk at the same time until the day you dropped dead. That’s what MAGA is all about, only trumplefuckstick’s supporters are poor, stupid fucks who must believe that they’re really millionaires who are temporarily inconvenienced at the moment and that they’ll be rich soon with 45 at the helm.

Their idea of “patriotism” is to literally shit on everyone here that isn’t of their ilk- ignorant-as-fuck white, cist-gendered, white, “Christian” MEN or their brainwashed, sidekick women who dine on hate as well. They’re praying for the End of Days one moment, while hoping that just before that happens they get an opportunity to hunt down and murder Obama or HRC or just go on an all-out “nigger hunt” or a chance to do-in the “towelheads” living here. They’re praying for a chance to slaughter anyone LGBTQ because the bible calls them an abomination to be destroyed. They give me the impression that they watch “The Handmaiden’s Tale” and jerk off to it because using women as breeding stock and enslaving them and killing the “uppity ones” is a dirty, wet dream of theirs, and they call it “patriotic”.

So someone out there, please remind me what it truly means to be a Patriot of the United  States of America. As far as I can see, we went from aspirations towards “Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country” to “I got mine; fuck the rest of y’all! Bootstraps, fucker! Pull yourself up or just die ‘cause I’m not going to help you. I had to work hard to get what I’ve got. Get a job!” Instead of looking UP at the rich and powerful shitting on us, too many of us are looking down at those less fortunate than those wielding the “White Privilege” card and blaming the POOR for all their woes as they look down their noses at them and continue to let the shit roll downhill instead of reaching down to help someone up. It’s a disgrace. It’s the OPPOSITE of being patriotic. It’s the COMPLETE OPPOSITE of what I was taught it meant to be an actual Christian and frankly, the level of hypocrisy from the religious people here is sickening, insulting, and fucking INSANE. 

I tire of so-called “Christians” showing up here telling me that they’re not ALL bad. Well, they ARE. If you’re watching evil transpire before you and you do NOTHING, you’re guilty of that evil too, and frankly I am still waiting for some sort of allied Christian movement to get together enough to call out the ‘false prophets’ getting rich in this country and getting behind, en masse, to see to it we get Universal Healthcare for ALL, a bolstered safety net program that includes “food stamps”, the promotion of medicines and science because if there is a god, we were blessed with senses that should be trying to study how He/She/It made the universe and how to make the world a healthier, safer place of PEACE, not a nation with a bloated military budget that can’t even pass muster when audited while people here in our own country are going hungry and homeless because “fuck you, you peasant, that’s why”. If your idea of being a “Christian” is ignoring the bible and praying at home, in private and you insist on going to a tax have to pray (yes, church) then you’d better be DOING something to fight against the evils sweeping the nation and against the tenants of Jesus. Evangelicals, or Talibangelists as I call them, are on the move. Where the fuck are YOU? Yeah, hanging around your community trying to do “good deeds” is sweet and all, but wouldn’t it fight hunger and poverty MORE, in line with Christ’s teachings, if you got off your ass and rallied AGAINST the Talibangelists and called them out on their bullshit? Where’s your presence in the REAL clear and present danger here? Where is YOUR voice when it comes to defeating the false prophets we’ve been warned repeatedly about?

>Matthew 7:15 clearly states “Beware of false prophets who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are raving wolves.” Perhaps you “Christians” should STOP ELECTING THEM! Forwarding and backing known pedophiles and sex offenders doesn’t sound too Christian OR patriotic to me.

>Matthew 24:11 Jesus says “and many false prophets will appear and lead many astray.” Sounds like the brainless twats on FOX and trumplefuckstick lying to the masses who slop back the shit like it is gravy and not the feces that it is.

>Matthew 24:24 says “For false messiahs and false prophets will appear and perform great signs and wonders to deceive, if possible, even the elect.”

>Second Peter 2:1-3 “But false prophets also arose among the people, just as there will be false teachers among you, who will secretly bring in destructive heresies, even denying the Master who bought them, bringing upon themselves swift destruction. And many will follow their sensuality, and because of them the way of truth will be blasphemed. And in their greed they will exploit you with false words. Their condemnation from long ago is not idle, and their destruction is not asleep.” 

>First John 4:1 “Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world.” So forgive my skepticism of all you alleged “Christians”, but I’ll believe in you when you SHOW me that you’re not all talk and no ACTION. 

> Jeremiah 23:16 Tell me this one doesn’t apply to suckers who vote GOP and Corporate Democrat as well as those fuckwits who go to mega-churches to throw away their money and their souls: “This is what the LORD Almighty says: “Do not listen to what the prophets are prophesying to you; they fill you with false hopes. They speak visions from their own minds, not from the mouth of the LORD.” 

> Ezekiel 13:9 “My hand will be against the prophets who see false visions and who give lying divinations. They shall not be in the council of my people, nor be enrolled in the register of the house of Israel, nor shall they enter the land of Israel. And you shall know that I am the Lord God.” We have truly FAILED as a nation at this one, kids. So quit with all the religious preaching on my page. If you haven’t sold all you own and have given it all to the poor, then I’m not going to take you seriously. (Matthew 19:21 and Luke 18:22). 

From what my parents and grandparents taught me, part of being a Patriot was to confront evil and help those in need, and honestly, I’m not seeing it from the “Christian” community, only their hubris and vanity and a defensive sense of pride compounded with an extremist element here that uses the Bible as license to commit all manner of atrocities against their fellow countrymen/women etc. even though we were WARNED about this sort of fuckery- “because they are turning whole families away from the truth by their false teaching. And they do it only for money” (Titus 1:11) AND “Perverse disputings of men of corrupt minds, and destitute of the truth, supposing that gain is godliness: from such withdraw thyself.” (1 Timothy 6:5).

If you haven’t noticed, we are HERE: 

> 2nd Tim 4:3-4 “the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths.” So let’s just pull this sanctimonious bus off to the side of the pretentiousness highway and cut the shit with your religious ramblings and let’s focus on saving the world and figuring out what it truly means to be “patriotic”, shall we? We SHOULD be looking out for one another REGARDLESS of religious beliefs.

Having said all that, Dear Joes, tell me this- how do YOU define “Patriotism” today?

[terramythos]

Review: Myst III: Exile by Presto Studios (2001)

Genre/Tags: Puzzle, Adventure, Parallel Worlds, Speculative Fiction, Science Fiction, Fantasy, Atmospheric, Strong World, Silent Protagonist, Gender Neutral Protagonist, Sympathetic Antagonist, Multiple Endings

Warning(s): References to genocide and torture.

Playthrough Notes: Nothing specific; played this with my sister @mistressofmuses ​. We managed to get both “good” endings and one of the bad ones, but there’s apparently about ten variations. These are fun games to play with another person!

My Rating: 4 / 5

**Minor Spoilers and My Thoughts Follow**

Twenty years, Atrus! Twenty long years alone! They tied me to a post. They burned their Myst Linking Books in front of me. They took everything I had! My wife! My two baby girls! And then, when I finally made it back to Narayan, and I saw... I saw... it would have been better if I had died.-- Saavedro  

My Summary: Some time after the events of Riven, the player makes it back to Atrus and Catherine. Atrus has revived the D’Ni culture; he spends much of his time writing a new Age-- Releeshahn-- for his people. You’re about to see it together, when the unexpected happens; a strange man attacks his study and steals the book. Atrus’ library in flames, you follow the man into the world he came from with no way to return.

You soon discover that this world-- J’nanin-- houses a series of “lesson Ages” Atrus created for his sons Sirrus and Achenar. You know, the sociopathic antagonists of the first game? You gradually learn that the man who stole the book, Saavedro, watched his planet die at the hands of the two brothers and was exiled to J’nanin, suffering long years of isolation and torment.

Swearing revenge against Atrus, Saavedro rigs the lesson worlds so that they must be solved to reach him. Over the course of the game, you learn more about Saavedro and the world of Narayan through journal pages you find scattered through the worlds. But with Releeshahn and its people in the hands of Saavedro, you are working against the clock to get to him and save the D’Ni. 

The Good:

Unlike Riven, this entry uses a very similar structure to Myst. J’nanin serves as a “hub” world with access to four other worlds. The story itself is different enough, however, that it doesn’t feel like a wholesale ripoff. It’s a nice change of pace to see lots of different worlds rather than exploring a single one, which was a big appeal of the original game.

The four ages were all very creative and distinct. My favorite was probably Amateria, which had a steampunk China aesthetic to it. The puzzles in that world were difficult but ultimately satisfying to solve, and the payoff at the end was great. The existence of the “lesson Ages” makes sense, explains some things (maybe your sons were so messed up because you lorded over them like a god and trapped them on puzzle worlds, Atrus!), and ties into the final solution in Narayan, the last world. I genuinely enjoyed my time in the different Ages.

This entry was less arcane (and, let’s face it, less frustrating) than Riven. Some puzzles were tricky, yes, but there were no hidden pathways or buttons in this one. You also had more of a sense of direction than Riven ever provides. There were no “well that was stupid” solutions to puzzles; something that plagued the previous entries.

I realize I’ve said this with the previous two games, but Exile looks nice. This is the first entry with a free-roaming camera, which adds a lot to the experience. The backgrounds still look fantastic, especially for 2001. Real person mo-cap is still used, and (for the most part) still looks great. It aged better than 3D models of the era.

The most notable thing for me in this game was Saavedro. He’s probably the most interesting, sympathetic antagonist yet in the series. He has real justification for his actions. This is in stark contrast to Sirrus, Achenar, and Gehn, all of whom are ultimately motivated by self interest. Saavedro wants revenge for some genuine wrongs. And he’s played by Brad Fucking Dourif and I somehow did not realize this until after I beat the game?  Anyway, cool character.

The Neutral:

The game doesn’t really establish anything… new? It feels much more like a side story than anything; there’s nothing massive lore-wise that you didn’t already know from the previous games. Whereas Riven felt like a major expansion of stuff hinted at in Myst, this didn’t have much to set it apart.

I said earlier that the 3D mo-cap looked great… for the most part. There are some bits that really do trigger uncanny valley, which is weird considering you’re looking at real people. There’s a part where Catherine is holding a baby and sitting on a bench, and another where Saavedro walks through a door, that weren’t rendered especially well. It’s a shame because the rest looks fine. I think this is a case of being a little ambitious for what the technology could actually do; attempting to render a 2D projection in a 3D space.

The Bad:

In a lot of ways, this felt detached from the previous games to me. It could be the fact that a different studio produced it. At the end of Riven, you’re stranded in the Star Fissure. But in this game you’re… suddenly back with no explanation on why or how. Sirrus and Achenar tie in, yes, but only by mention, which is odd to me when they’re such a big component for the conflict. If someone hadn’t played Myst or Riven, they would have no idea what the hell is going on.

Good. Luck. Getting this game to run. This isn’t just a modern compatibility issue; even on old systems this game has bugs that keep you from continuing past a certain point. Getting this to run on a modern system is nearly impossible because Ubisoft like… lost the patch that allows that to happen? Their official website only goes to patch 1.30, which doesn’t actually work. You have to pirate the actual patch, 1.32, and find a website that isn’t going to riddle your computer with viruses. I DID find one, so let me know if you ever need it... 

Overall:

A cool game with some minor issues. The world design, visuals, and antagonist were the strong points of this entry. It was definitely entertaining to play, if not completely mindblowing like some things in the previous entries. In that vein, you probably won’t get much out of this entry if you haven’t at least played Myst (and probably Riven). The game assumes you know a lot of the world and lore already.

I love revenge stories, so this one did of course appeal to me. Saavedro is one of the most interesting things about this entry, as I’ve mentioned, and Brad Dourif did a fantastic job. He’s apparently a Myst fan, which is why he agreed to do it? Pretty cool stuff. I think that visually the worlds were imaginative and stunning, so the game was nice to look at while puzzling through it. Good visuals and solid gameplay makes for a solid game. I recommend it to people who have played previous entries and want more from the universe and characters. As mentioned, though, you should really start with the earlier games or you’ll be pretty lost.

[tieflng]

chocobox 2020 letter under the cut, because i do things and participate in things now i think.

dear chocolatier: thanks for writing for me! my actual requests were sparse because they were. quite long. especially the pyre one, because it turns out i have a lot of thoughts about minor/historical background characters as seen in the book of rites. so my prompts are all here, along with the dnws just repeated for good measure. thanks for reading all of this, i hope you can find something to have fun with.

pyre -

oops!! all golathanian! i was just really drawn to him reading the book of rites; there's something about an ordinary (certainly flawed) human man making the choices that brought every event in the game to pass and turned him into a godlike eldritch basketball saint. also, 'you gave your freedom that i might yet have mine' is a line i've been thinking about for an entire year. also, the g in lgbt is for golathanian. i'm really into the idea that the man the commonwealth could lionize as the ideal of strength is admirable not as a conqueror or warlord, but as someone with commitments to others that make him overcome his flaws-- someone who does the cooking for the group and makes dry comments and lectures out of worry and has a stupid laugh and acts like a grouch when he is secretly a giant softy. (and someone who is visibly gay and gnc, because the base of my mazlow hierarchy of needs is gay/bi men presented as admirable figures of authority, and i think that's something that should have been in the game, even if the commonwealth in-universe was going to erase it.) the heart and idealism and earnestness is what makes him worthy of respect, and that he's human, even if technically he ends up as a demigod sports-omen star.

i'm firmly in favor of autistic scribes (solidarity with chae) and scribes as large-r Readers. aside from soliam and khaylmer who both have cis energy i'm very up for any of the requested characters as trans or nonbinary, and near and dear to my heart especially are transfem chae and triesta and a nonbinary/my-gender-is-just-gay gol. explicit lgbt identities in general are a plus. environmental details-- i adore the richness and mystery and wonder of the downside, but i'd also kill for some sahrian imperial court ambiance. adventure is good, character study is always good, shenanigans and mischievous escapades between friends, misunderstandings that work out or not, angst with comfort is fine, moral or philosophical dilemmas or conversations (perfect for this group). it'd be nice to see something about titans, about (r/R)eading, the downside as an eldritch landscape, the simultaneous decay and might of imperial sahr, about turning into celestial bodies, a good old fashioned slow burn/mutual pining.

ha'ub & gol - i've always imagined these two are best friends - the first two scribes, 2/3 of the og triumvirate, and both dealing with the fact that 'mercy' means they have to keep soliam murr's fool ass alive. ha'ub is a chaotic little bumpkin who's never belonged anywhere, gol is an increasingly long-suffering visitor to purgatory dimension-- i feel like for all that he knows more about survival here than his new Big Friends, ha'ub feels just as indebted to them for being able to relate to him. it can't be easy being the first imp with human-like intelligence, or at least surely the only imp you know. misunderstandings between different species, teaching each other about sahrian human and downside imp customs, teaming up against howlers (did the howler/imp distinction exist yet, if all imps were wild and drive imps didn't exist??), learning to communicate with someone whose speech and language are very different. gol standing up for ha'ub in the 'why does an imp get a triumvirate' debate. why is ha'ub accursed? too, if there's gol/soliam, there's an opportunity for 'just kiss him already', or whatever misunderstandings imps have about human relationships/will-they-or-won't-they tensions.

gol & chae - please call the vagabond girl chae! i loved her basically at the moment i saw her and her arc means a lot to me. she’s autistic coded but her belief in the scribes-- in actually hearing and speaking to the scribes-- is never undercut by the narrative. and she’s immensely strong! she’s survived in the downside by herself from 17-19! and imo at least the scribe known for being strong and resilient and untiring, not to mention idealistic and loyal, would admire the absolute fuck out of her. i’d like her childhood as moontouched/homeless and displaced, her topside ending as a religious leader and inspiration in the sahrian union, wandering alone in the downside, her role with the nightwings-- i just really want to see what conversations these two would get up to, i want them to learn from each other, i want chae to have support and encouragement and comfort from everyone’s favorite nomad scribe. what does she ask him? what does he tell her? passing messages from ti’zo or the heralds? looking for advice/help on behalf of the nightwings, or just comfort when she’s feeling out of place? god, the fact that she’s in the companion class that parallels khaylmer-- do they talk about that, or how does gol feel? there are so many damn good interactions here. please don’t infantilize her or portray her beliefs and reactions as nonsensical or weird.

gol/soliam - i have so many thoughts about these two that i almost don’t want to say everything. my sense is they didn’t get together until the downside, with a very long enemies > grudging allies > friends > lovers, at least on gol’s end. you don’t jump over the edge of the world to kill someone and immediately kiss and make up. topside before he gets disillusioned there’s potential for that good courtly love - gol pining hopelessly (and perhaps obliviously, depending on how soliam acts towards him) for his beautiful distant liege, sol who so very clearly did not feel anything genuine for anyone as emperor, but who maybe has some ‘oooh, master-general ;)’ poking out of the hedonism-flavored depression. and then he falls down the river and realizes he was a big idiot. i could do very early sweet moments, courtly aesthetic and accidental intimacy, seeing a tender side to the emperor that most people never get close enough for/soliam murr Almost having a real feeling other than physical attraction. i could also do rebuilding their trust and rapport in the downside, mutual pining, growing closer despite everything and wondering privately if they couldn’t actually work out. or established relationship tenderness and fluff. i could also very much do explicit content with these two.

gol & khaylmer - ahh, yes. enemies. i got the impression from gol’s account (and gol’s account is really all we get) that these two hated each other, to ‘put his picture on the bull’s eye of the dartboard’ levels of hatred-- but also, maybe, that they had more in common than they wanted. gol and khaylmer as the only two grownups in a decadence-obsessed imperial court? certainly as the closest advisers to the emperor, whatever that means when your emperor is soliam murr. i always got the impression that gol was a bit more of a bastard than he let on-- nomad masteries are very ‘now i’ve thrown him off his rhythm!’ and you can’t tell me ‘preferred to fall on his enemies by surprise under the cover of darkness’ Isn’t the trait of a highly slippery character. then again, their worldviews and beliefs might as well be from two different planets, but then again again, do we really get an unbiased opinion on khaylmer to know what his worldviews really is? two driven and idiosyncratic people, more similar than they think, who just deeply hate and misunderstand each other at a fundamental level. also, please a deep dive into khaylmer’s head. lot of opportunity for backroom dealing and court drama here.

scribes & scribes - scribe adventures! or scribe shenanigans and arguments! i see these eight as having strong and contrasting personalities, but fundamentally caring about each other, even if they can get into real drama and conflict. fighting titans, exploring together, writing the book of rites, becoming eldritch basketball gods. found family is great, early stages of found family that grouchily insist they're business associates is better. there is so much you could do with these losers as a collective and i love them with my entire heart.

dnw: fantasy homophobia or transphobia, dubcon/noncon including under the influence, hand/eye trauma, unsanitary things, angst without a positive/hopeful resolution. in terms of explicit content, please no humiliation or impact play/physical pain. fandom specific: don't undercut chae's feelings or beliefs or write her in an ableist way. i also see gol and soliam as gay, and milithe and triesta as lesbians, so i'd prefer no references to past/current m/w relationships for them-- not because having m/w history invalidates gay peoples' identities, but because for me personally that'd be a horrible experience and it makes me sad thinking about my favorite characters going through that.

hades -

i did not expect to like a large soft-spoken honor-bound minotaur who duels you in honorable combat as much as i did, but probably should have knowing basic facts about myself. anything asterius-focused is great-- i really want to see him well-received in elysium and with a partner who cares about him......! he deserves nice things! elysium as a setting is so lush, environmental details, moments of respite, greenery, the river lethe, the elysian stadium, the beauty of eternal paradise And the fact that the people who live here decide to just beat the tar out of each other for fun.

this game has a really strong cast, and i'd love to see mentioned or featured olympians/house denizens/run npcs other than the requested characters. patroclus is a strong possibility for a fic in elysium, but achilles, hypnos, hermes/artemis/athena, and eurydice are also favorites of mine. i'm always down for explicit gay/bi identities, and i've been toying with trans masc zag and/or nonbinary aster.

Asterius/Zag - the inherent romantic tension of having a standing date to fight someone in hand to hand combat. but also, meeting outside of the arena in some way - a peaceful moment in a fountain chamber? maybe aster helps zag in a tough spot with some exalted? they both meet up in patroclus's chamber? i like how aster respects you for your strength and ability and the comparison he draws between them both as having been born monstrous/in darkness could use some (gentle) exploration. both of them uncovering hidden depths or softness in each other.

Asterius/Theseus/Zag - the inherent romantic tension of having a standing date to fight two people in hand to hand combat. i very much see this as an aster-centric v-- i don't really buy these or zag being into each other on their own, but learning to get along for the sake of their mutual boyfriend is good, and the comedy that ensues. anything i like in aster/zag or aster/these would be good here. absolutely not opposed to an aster-centered threesome (he deserves it).

Asterius/Theseus - how did these persuade hades to move the bull of minos to elysium? how did they become champions in the stadium? fighting by each others' sides, aster discovering after a mortal lifetime confined to a labyrinth that he's into men, these feeling weirdly compelled to show off or impress him. theseus training him in 'heroic ways'. theseus's lines about ariadne felt needlessly gross/borderline misogynistic and i'd like for them either to not come up Or for aster to sit him down and give him a piece of his mind. that's his sister, you idiot.

Cerberus & Zag - just a boy and his dog! cerby comforting a younger zag when hades is on his bullshit, or kid zag sleeping all cuddled up with his pubby. growing up and watching the house change. zag venting to cerberus or asking for advice, like you do with your pets when you don't expect an answer (and maybe getting one??). something in styx would be good, or zag finding any other kind of treat or toy and smuggling it back in from one of his runs.

dnw: fantasy homophobia or transphobia, dubcon/noncon including under the influence, hand/eye trauma, unsanitary things (please light on the descriptions of the satyr sack, lmao), angst without a positive/hopeful resolution. in terms of explicit content, please no humiliation or impact play/physical pain. as far as fandom specific: please nothing that portrays hades as good or justified in any of his actions. nothing zag/meg or zag/than; i really prefer zag and meg to have acknowledged their feelings and decided to stay friends.

arthuriana/let’s be real i’m here for the gawain and the green knight - 

......i'm just in this for the inherent homoeroticism. explicitly gay/bi gawain and bi bertilak is great, bertilak and his wife both being in on it is great, threesome? more christmas games? courtly flirting? being cozy inside? going on a dangerous quest? anything sounds great, just have fun with it!

dnw: homophobia including period-typical (just not why i read fanfiction), dubcon/noncon including under the influence, unsanitary things, hand/eye trauma, cheating/negative feelings between the hautdeserts, angst. in terms of explicit content, please no humiliation or impact play/physical pain.