#stuff your shul should be doing

[springstarfangirl]

hi spring! i'm writing an orthodox jewish character and had a few questions for you.

how does a synagogue work? as in. what does a service look like, and is it possible to visit a synagogue outside of set "service" hours? is the rabbi available for discussion etc outside of those hours?

my character's dad died when he was very young, so his (jewish) mother would take him to the synagogue. would he have to sit on the male side of the synagogue as a child? or would that start after his bar mitzvah?

thank you so much!

Thank you for trusting me with these questions!

Now, a large portion of these questions might be highly dependent on where the characters live, since Israeli shuls tend to be rather different than ones in America, but I'll answer what I know and tag some other people here to offer a more diasporic perspective.

So, Orthodox Jewish prayer service happens three times a day. Morning, afternoon, and night. The morning service is the longest of the three in general, and the special additional Shabbat service is generally hooked on to the end of the morning service, making it quite long depending on the length of the Torah portion that week and how fluently the members of the shul speak Hebrew.

A service will generally be entirely in Hebrew with snippets of Aramaic, though there are places in between the prayers (mainly Shabbat night and morning) where people will sometimes stop and give a dvar Torah, which will usually be in the local language. Shabbat morning service in Israel can be as fast as an hour and a half and I've heard tell of diaspora services that take three or four hours. The length also depends on how much singing you do, and this is a different type of singing than you'd see in a Christian house of worship- we prefer to avoid choirs in our worship (I think it stinks too much of Christianity) and so singing is generally all melodic, involving everyone in the shul.

Whether you can visit a shul outside of service hours depends on the shul. Most community shuls will be locked up, but there are shuls meant to service workers in various jobs, and those will often remain open all day. The rabbi should be available outside of prayer hours for questions and advice, since as the Jewish law expert, that's what he's there for.

Specific people acting as a paid cantor isn't something I've experienced in Israel, since most people are somewhat fluent in Hebrew and the position of cantor will get passed around from week to week, but I've heard it's a thing outside of here.

Children do not have to sit on the appropriate side of the mechitza until they come of age (13 for boys, 12 for girls) but most communities will prefer having them start around the age of 10, with exceptions made depending on the situation. Depending on the style of mechitza, your character could still sit next to his mother then- if they're mobile wooden barriers or curtains, then there will be seating either side of them, and your character and his mother could sit next to each other either side of the mechitza. If the women's section is an elevated section accessed separately, then that's rough on the kid, but the mom might ask a friend to help him get used to it.

Tagging @slyandthefamilybook @daughterofstories @resplendent-ragamuffin @theskyvoid for more specific diasporic stuff.

[docholligay]

So my shul is doing a hunger drive for the high holy days and I want you to know that because of you I’m couponing like hell this week to see what I can take in terms of canned meats, non-peanut butter, and kid breakfasts. (And money. There will be money in there. But I can’t just put an envelope in a grocery bag by itself or they’ll think it’s empty.) I’ll be on “now I understand why my mom cooked like this” meals until I get paid again, but like, it’s a good time of year to remember how blessed I am to not normally have to do that. (And maybe I can convince the rabbis that next year we should do a penny war instead.) So: thank you for teaching me, and I hope it brightens your day to know it’s made a difference.

I am so glad! As I said, any time someone actually takes my advice about anything I am thrilled beyond belief.

Our congregation actually did a diaper drive, which I thought was a neat idea, not being able to talk anyone into just donating money. We work with an organization that helps families get on their feet via housing and various kinds of support, I've seen really good things happen with it. They're nominally Christian, kinda, in a very handwavey "sure why not" way--and when I say that I mean they work actively with us and also families with LGBT+ members. I know this on an "on the ground" way, in a "I have, in cooking dinners for some of their family dinners, met visibly LGBT+ families." They also keep a lot of kids out of the system! Parents that are just struggling with homelessness and are GOOD PARENTS otherwise, don't risk losing their kids in working with the programs.

ANYWAY, ENOUGH ABOUT THEM EVEN THOUGH I THINK THEY ARE GREAT.

It is always, I think, a good time to remember that we have advantages other people don't have. We are humans, and because we are humans, we always see the difficulties of our own situations, instead of how lucky we are in the moment. Every once in a whilte, i'll be standing in line at the grocery store and go, "I have no idea what this cart is going to cost" and it feels so WILD in that moment, that I have achieved the kind of life where I don't count cans of tuna or whatever. Me of the past would have said it would never happen. I think that is it's own value, knowing that we have advantages.

And also gifts! How will you use your gifts? I am a good cook for a crowd--cooking for 30-50 doesn't phase me-- so I take my rotation being the lead cook for the family dinner. I'm a decent writer, so I write up stuff for local organizations and events people make me aware of. I put people in contact with OTHER people I know who can help them, because I have a high social rolodex. I am good at physical labor, so sometimes I just...sign up to do it.

ANYWAY THANK YOU

[possibilistfanfiction]

avatrice + kiss on the back of the hand?

[ava + some friends, more outside pov (in the future!) for @unicyclehippo]

//

despite the fact that physical therapy is boring, and not at all your favorite activity, you like your therapist, brian, and at least you’ve gotten to consistently schedule it early enough in the morning you don’t miss your bridge group. and you’ve been compliant — mostly; you did spend more time on your feet last week than you were supposed to, but your grandson was visiting and you would never let him leave without having his favorite brisket and matzoh ball soup — and have done the exercises brian gives you to do at home every day. 

the physical therapy gym is mostly boring, more — and you hate to say it — old people, like you, recovering from total knee or total hip replacements, and a few young athletes. your son, ezra, drops you off and picks you up twice a week; sometimes his husband, marcus, fills in and he always takes you to get donuts afterward, your little secret. today you sit at the table you always start at, your walker steady and almost unnecessary at this point, and a young woman, exhausted-looking and the kind of pretty that could easily belong in a party when you were young, sitting in a sleek wheelchair by the table, smiles gently across you. you’re early by a few minutes — ezra is wonderful, but he’s a bit wound up all the time — so you smile back. ‘i’m ruth,’ you say. 

‘hi.’ the young woman seems happy to talk, cheerful. ‘i’m ava.’

‘very exciting beginning to your morning, it seems like.’

she groans. ‘ugh, tell me about it. my partner barely woke up in time to drive me here.’

you laugh. ‘not a morning person?’

ava rolls her eyes. ‘no, not at all. i love mornings though, even if they’re at physical therapy.’

‘it’s not so bad,’ you tell her. ‘have you done it before?’

‘not really.’ she shrugs. ‘i have some chronic spine stuff from a car accident when i was younger, and my doctors have tried… a lot, so we’re hoping this helps everything.’

‘i hope it’ll help.’ you gesture to your walker. ‘total hip replacement. from being old.’

ava’s smile is bright. ‘kinda cool, to get old, though, huh? and to have as cool of clothes as you do? i can only hope the same for myself, one day.’

it’s sweet, and sincere, and aching under the surface. ‘it is wonderful, to get to grow old. and —‘ you wink — ‘to get to be better dressed than everyone around you.’

‘hell yeah.’ she looks at her own hoodie and joggers. ‘i usually am better dressed than this, or, at least, more fun; i just had surgery last week.’

‘well, when you’re feeling better, i’m sure i’ll be very impressed.’

‘i don’t know about that.’ ava blushes a little, and you’re delighted. ‘i think my partner is probably the better dressed of the two of us; she’s very chic. but i’m fun!’

‘fun is the most important part. especially when you’re an old lady.’

she laughs and then brian walks up, says hi to you, and you wave. ‘good luck, ava. i’ll talk to you soon.’

‘for sure,’ she tells you enthusiastically.

/

you’re waiting on a bench in front of the physical therapy gym in the warm sunshine — not too hot, not too cold, perfect — when ava walks toward you, slowly and with a cane, but walking.

‘is this seat taken?’

‘for a pretty girl like you? absolutely not.’

she laughs, bright and warm. ‘ruth, you flirt.’

‘i’m old.’ she sits gingerly and it makes you hurt for her, just a little — not that she needs any mobility aids, but because it’s clear she’s in pain. ‘i get to flirt whenever i want.’

‘oh, is that how it works?’

‘absolutely,’ you tell her sagely.

‘well, other than me, of course, let me know if there are any crushes i should know about? i love drama, and my life is, both tragically and fortunately, drama free right now.’

‘well, sean in my bridge group, and david from shul. oh, and lee from my favorite cafe i go to for lunch.’ 

‘hmm, pros and cons? or are we playing the field?’

you laugh, and you tell her about sean’s clever hands, the beautiful way david reads scripture, how lee always offers you half his reuben. ava listens attentively, like she really cares, and, after she asks a thoughtful series of questions about how to play bridge — my girlfriend would probably demolish at this game, honestly — you understand that she really does care; she really does want to know you. so you ask her questions too; her partner’s name is beatrice, and she is, according to ava, beautiful and kind and exacting; ava grew up mostly in spain and is a bartender, which she loves, and they live in a house on the beach because beatrice, apparently, works in consulting all over europe, and also enjoys teaching aikido. ‘she has four black belts,’ ava says, and fans herself. it makes you laugh, and when marcus drives up in his practical, nice bmw hybrid, you pat her hand. 

‘see you tuesday, ruth.’

‘enjoy your weekend, ava.’

/

ava’s walking better on tuesday, and she sits next to you without asking this time, after you’re both finished. she fishes around in her crossbody bag and then holds out her hand, some candy with wrappers in mandarin on her palm. ‘they’re plum candies. they’re beatrice’s favorites, so i thought i was being sweet, but, i kinda went overboard and ordered, like, enough for a small army.’

you laugh but take one — you would never turn down an offered sweet; something of a communion — and open it while ava does the same. it’s wonderful: flavorful and sweet and a little sour, and you tell ava that.

‘ugh, i know,’ she says. ‘i don’t think bea had had them for a really long time; she cried the other day.’ ava smiles, like she’s trying not to laugh. ‘it was very sweet. a little dramatic, but i get it. i kind of go crazy for panellets.’

‘well, i’m making babka tomorrow, how about i bring you both some thursday?’

‘ruth, that’s too much.’

‘i love to share food,’ you say. ‘really, it’s part of the job description of a bubbe. they only let you in if you share your babka.’

ava rolls her eyes but then she nods. ‘i would really love that.’

ezra drives up, and you stand — easily, now, without pain and much stiffness — and wave.

/

your babka turns out as good as it always does — the best at shul, despite the fact that yael claims hers is better — and you place a few carefully in a tupperware to bring to ava, who seems a little wilted when she sits next to you. she waves you off when you look concerned.

’no big deal,’ she says. ‘just didn’t sleep too well last night. but! now i’m going to eat the world’s best babka and nap after bea drops me off. do you think i could convince her to nap with me?’

‘depends on why you didn’t sleep well last night.’

it takes ava a minute but then she laughs, brightening immediately. ‘ruth!’

‘you’re young, you should be having fun.’

‘oh, we have fun.’ ava grins. ‘don’t worry.’

‘well, speaking of fun,’ you say, ‘a few of my friends and i go to this water aerobics class at the country club together, every wednesday. i’m sorry if i was eavesdropping, but i heard kayvon tell you that some water therapy might be helpful? it’s really quite fun.’

‘that sounds awesome, honestly. i just got cleared to drive myself next week, so i would love that!’

you don’t bother to mention that everyone in the class is over seventy, mostly because you don’t really care, but, also, ava doesn’t seem to care, at all, that you’re at least fifty years older than her: you’re friends, and she’s kind, and bright. 

once again, marcus is there to pick her up before her ride, but you give her your number — and you add her on facebook, because that’s easier for you sometimes — before you leave. you send her the details later that day, and she responds with a few emojis you don’t understand, but that your grandson laughs at when you show him. good enough. 

/

‘i didn’t know, really, what to wear to water aerobics,’ ava says, happily sitting on the edge of the pool with you. she has on a simple red one-piece, her hair tied up in a bun, although short pieces escape. the back dips low and you see multiple scars, some faded and one new, and painful looking; ava’s light often makes you forget why you first met. 

‘this is great,’ you tell her. you gesture to your brightly colored, polka dotted tankini. ‘you can spice it up however much you want. just wait until you meet angela.’

as if on cue, angela, tall and Black and striking, walks in, with her perpetually perfect close cropped hair, in a pair of heels and draped in an elegant silk coverup over a royal blue bikini. ‘whoa,’ ava says, and it’s so earnest it makes you laugh.

‘listen,’ ava says, ‘i’m bi, queer, and, yeah, i have a partner who is so so so beautiful, like, god, this morning she came home from surfing and used our outdoor shower — thank god for her trust fund, am i right? — but… ruth, i have eyes.’ she looks over to you. ‘you have eyes too, right? like, no offense to sean and david and lee, but… angela is stunning, okay?’

‘she is,’ you grant her, mostly because you’re amused. angela walks over and smiles, gracious and perfect, and you gesture to ava, who gulps. ‘angela, ava. ava, angela.’

‘hello, ava,’ angela says. ‘ruth says that she’s quite fond of you from physical therapy.’

‘yeah,’ ava says, a little stunned. ‘that’s — that’s really kind, ruth.’

‘we don’t invite just anyone to water aerobics. it’s an exclusive club.’

‘other than courtney,’ angela grumbles.

’well, true,’ you admit. ‘but she’s not part of lunch. ava, next week, you should come join us.’

‘i would love that,’ she says. ‘beatrice will too, i’ll make sure of it.’

you laugh, and angela waves to rosa and farha when she sees them. class goes great; ava seems, when you look over at her a few times, to enjoy it a lot. even though you hadn’t really worried that ava would feel out of place, any nagging feelings are assuaged when she gets out of the pool and wraps a towel around her shoulders, carefully moves on the wet floor with a cane.

‘i told bea i’d be home soon,’ she says, ‘and she gets kinda nervous when i’m late. but! i’ll see you at therapy tomorrow, and i’ll definitely plan on lunch next week.’ she hesitates for a moment and then gives you a hug, which fills you with a very particular kind of warmth. ‘thank you, for inviting me.’

‘of course, ava. see you tomorrow.’

/

you see ava at therapy and you think, for the most part, she’s improving: you haven’t seen her wheelchair in months, and she still uses her cane, but you think it’s mostly because it feels safer, especially if she’s sore. you start going once a week but it doesn’t really matter, because she comes to water aerobics in increasingly fun swimsuits, including a purple stripped bikini that makes even angela whistle. ‘oh, to be young again,’ she had said, and ava had blushed.

‘so, how did you meet beatrice?’ margot asks, back from her annual trip to florida.

ava puts down her fork and smiles, so soft. ‘work, in spain. a job i didn’t even want, even. but, even from when we first met, she’s always just been so kind. we spent a sabbatical together, one summer, and that’s when i really fell in love with her.’

‘love at first sight, then?’ angela grins.

‘maybe not quite,’ ava says, then laughs. ‘i was… difficult, back then. obviously, i’m a total angel now.’

you roll your eyes and farha says, ‘oh, sure.’

‘we’ve been through a lot,’ ava says, softer and very sincere. ‘she’s — she’s the best person i know.’

‘well we need to meet her,’ you decide, even though you’ve been meaning to ask them both to shabbat soon anyway. ‘bring her to lunch friday?’

‘if that’s okay with everyone? i guarantee she has exceedingly good manners, much much better than mine.’

‘low bar,’ rosa says.

‘ha ha, very funny.’ ava tries her best not to smile but then does anyway, brighter than the noon sun overhead outside.

/

you’re just sitting down at the table, one extra seat this week, when ava perks up and then stands, steady and even, and you see who you know, from pictures ava has shown you, is beatrice, smiling a little nervously. ‘hi, baby,’ ava says, and beatrice takes ava’s hand and gently places a kiss to her knuckles, like a genuine knight.

‘absurd,’ angela whispers from next to you, and you try not to laugh loud enough for them to hear you, because they’re young but they’re not that young: they have a home together, and you know, from the few things ava has mentioned privately, usually on days that are too, too bright, things have been hard, and they’ve had to spend time apart in the past, and ava is thankful.

‘hello, everyone,’ beatrice says, her accent and posture extremely formal, in contrast to her casual but still, somehow, smart black hoodie and white sweatshorts and birkenstocks. her hair is in a messy bun, a few strands escaping that ava happily pushes behind her ears, and a big tattoo sitting above her left knee; she’s muscular and strong, but there are freckles spread across her cheeks and, when ava smiles at her, she softens, entirely. they are young, and, even though ava has shown you pictures, you’re still struck, in the moment, by how much they fit. 

there’s a chorus of hi, beatrice and it’s so good to meet you and ava talks about you all the time, but beatrice takes it all in stride, a happy little smile on her face. you understand, quickly, that they fit, the same way you and aaron had, so long ago: ava is loud and overwhelmingly bright, enthusiastic and generous with all of her affection, and beatrice is quietly funny, whip smart, and thoughtfully attentive to ava. she turns and listens, fully, to whoever is talking, and knows about rosa’s birding, and the shrine farha talks about in lahore, and the new podcast angela is listening to. she’s impressive, as a person, and ava seems distinctly aware of it, basking, a little, in being chosen by someone so special.

‘sorry i’m underdressed,’ beatrice says after you order. ‘i was surfing this morning, and then had to jump on a work call, and i didn’t want to be late.’

‘everything okay?’ ava checks.

‘yes,’ beatrice says, soothes a hand along ava’s thigh and then squeezes her knee. ‘nothing of concern.’

ava squints. ’were you just asleep? you wouldn’t lie to me, right?’

beatrice pauses. ‘i was — well, catching up on some sleep, when camila called.’

ava barks a laugh. ‘bea is the sleepiest person i know.’

‘sleep is one of the great pleasures of life,’ angela says, regal and finite in her statement, ‘among other things in bed.’ 

beatrice grins while ava blushes. ‘now i know why you like coming to these classes and lunches so much,’ beatrice says, shooting angela a wink. ‘you do have a type.’

‘ah, and what a type it is,’ ava says, sighing for effect, seemingly recovered from her momentary emabrassment.

at the end of lunch, you do invite them to shabbat, and beatrice asks your favorite kind of kosher wine.

/

‘okay, you are all sworn to secrecy,’ ava says, leaning forward at the table. it’s not particularly quiet, because farha’s hearing aides can only do so much, and rosa flat out refuses to wear any, but there’s no on important around you anyway.

‘wonderful,’ angela says.

‘i love a secret,’ you agree.

‘well.’ ava lets out a big breath. ‘beatrice and i are going to switzerland, next week, to the alps, where we spent our first summer together, and i —‘ she shakes her head — ‘this feels so crazy, but i’m going to propose.’

it sends the whole table into a flurry of excitement, asking about ava’s plan — a hike, the one they would go on every tuesday together, slowly and for fun — and the ring ava had picked out — beautiful, and elegant, and perfect, you think — and, ‘do you think she’ll say yes?’

ava gulps. ‘i know she wants to spend her life with me.’ she sounds sure, and calm, despite her fingers nervously fidgeting with her napkin. ‘she was… very religious, for a long time, so, like, she’s always been really accepting of other same sex marriages, but i think it’s taken her a minute to get her to feel ready for, like, our own very queer marriage. sacrament, and all that, i guess.’ she shakes her head. ‘but anyway, yes! i think she’s ready. i think she really wants to get married.’

her smile is gentle, serene, and you had watched beatrice — in neat linen, her hair long and swept over her shoulder, fight her way through eating multiple bites of gefilte fish last friday, even though it was clear she hated it, and say prayers in hebrew, quietly. ava had been in her chair; you hadn’t asked, and neither had anyone from shul or your family, but beatrice had made sure that she had everything she needed, unobtrusive and practiced. ava had been, unexpectedly, the life of the party, charming everyone with her laugh and her silly puns and a very spirited debate with your granddaughter about women’s soccer. they’re a pair, you understood, very clearly: at the end of the night, ava had encouraged beatrice, gently, to take extra kugel along with the challah and chicken you’d already put in tupperware for them; beatrice had gotten their sweaters from the closet and handed ava’s to hers with a kiss to her forehead, tender and private, a moment that had belonged just to them.

‘we’ll all be eagerly awaiting the engagement photographs,’ angela says with sure gravitas.

‘post them on facebook,’ you tell her, and ava laughs, but she promises, later, when you give her a hug, that she will.

/

‘thank you, for inviting us,’ you tell ava, a bit in awe, if you’re being honest, of their house. she bounces around happily, and angela just looks at you with a raised brow for a moment. there are bright red and gold decorations everywhere, and beatrice walks over with a neat bun and beautiful jacket, embroidered so elegantly even angela seems a little in love with it.

’happy new year,’ she says, and you both give her a hug as you return the sentiment, then shows you to their kitchen, with a spread of chinese food that smell so, so good, and then gestures out to the open-air doors and patio that overlooks the ocean. ‘help yourselves to whatever you want. ruth, there are plenty of dishes that i made sure meet all kosher standards; they should be labeled. and there’s plenty of seating, and come find me if you need anything.’ she pauses. ‘or ava, but she gets a little… activated when we have a lot of people over.’

‘so, did we know how rich they were?’ angela says, loading her plate with everything she can after beatrice walks away to greet more guests.

‘not this rich.’

you both wait a beat and then laugh, and you find seats by the railing; your hip doesn’t hurt at all anymore. ava finds you both eventually and steals an egg roll from your plate with a laugh. ‘i’ll get you another one,’ she promises. ‘and, i just wanted to say, thanks for being my friends. i know it’s silly, but the water aerobics have really helped me feel better — and much less bored — when my mobility has been limited. and i love hearing about your lives, and sharing mine. i just —’ she scrubs her hand along the back of her neck, her hair neatly trimmed to her chin, fluttering in the breeze. ‘i went a long time without great role models.’

it’s so sincere and so touching. angela sniffles and you fish a hanky from your purse and hand it to her; she dabs her eyes.

‘don’t call us old,’ she says, voice breaking, and ava laughs.

‘i could’ve called you my adoptive grandmothers, so count your blessings.’

you roll your eyes when she takes a big, smiling bite of her (your) egg roll. ‘you are a blessing,’ you tell her.

ava swallows her bite and then leans to hug you, tight and sincere. ‘thank you,’ she whispers.

‘happy new year, ava.’

‘yeah,’ she says, a little teary but with a huge smile. ‘happy new year.’

[ollie-duck]

Okay so

Racism towards Palestinians and not being starkly against their genocide is okay because you “have family in isnt-real (but they’re not white)”.

But

People having odd interests as coping mechanisms with the disorder that relies on coping with trauma in such extreme ways that the subconscious literally doesn’t fuse is bad.

Got it. Alters simply existing bad. But genocide acceptable.

Have the day you deserve, bootlicker.

@clockworkconstellati0n since you want to publicly insult me but are too much of a coward to do so with your handle attached (either that or your system blog is a side blog, either way, dick move).

You want to play this game? With an archaeologist? Really? Fine, I’ll play.

At no point did I say what Netanyahu is doing to the Palestinians is any way acceptable. I even told you outright that I believe in the two state solution. (AS DO THE VAST MAJORITY OF ISRAELIS on both counts)

(Proof)

Telling you that MY family isn’t white is not even remotely akin to racism against Palestinians. I brought it up because it’s a common JVP talking point, the same organization you openly claimed (at least some) affiliation with.

(Proof)

As for me calling out “alters for just existing” but being “totally fine with genocide” -

I don’t talk about the war specifically because it’s extremely upsetting to me, and also not even remotely relevant to system stuff. As for me not being okay with the guy who openly and publicly SUPPORTS THE ACTIONS OF THE FUCKING COLUMBINE SHOOTERS (it was more than just having fictives of them, if you had actually bothered to read the G-d damn post)

The fact that you assumed all of this about me simply based on the fact that I have family in Israel speaks VOLUMES about your values.

Good luck converting to an inherently Zionist religion with biases like those!

Quick lesson for those who don’t know!: Zionism/Zionist is the simply held belief (and the basis of our entire religion!) that Israel is our ancestral homeland, and that because we are indigenous to it, we ought to be… oh I don’t know… allowed to live there? Zionism does NOT mean you support the war. It does NOT mean you support Netanyahu. It does NOT mean that you believe we cannot coexist peacefully with the Palestinians. It does NOT mean you believe all Palestinians should die. It means, and has ALWAYS meant, that we believe we deserve to live in the land of our origin.

You say you want to convert to Judaism, but are just having such a hard time finding a non Zionist Shul to attend!

I wonder why that could be?

Did you know that over half of the 613 mitsvot are IMPOSSIBLE to perform outside of the land of Israel? But Judaism isn’t inherently Zionist or anything.

Pop quiz:

What temple was sequestered by a known Greek conqueror and later reclaimed by its original Jewish builders?

A) The temple of Manhattan

B) The temple of Canada

C) The second temple of Jerusalem‎ in Israel, then known as Judea ( בֵּית־הַמִּקְדָּשׁ‎ הַשֵּׁנִי‎ ) - gee I wonder what happened to the first one?

If you answered C, congrats! We celebrate this temple being returned to us every year with the Festival of Lights (hannukah)!

Question 2:

What land did we spend 40 years looking for after leaving subjugation in Egypt, according to our most sacred text?

A) Manhattan

B) Canada

C) Israel, the land of our birth

If you answered C, Israel, you’d be correct! But I’m sure that wasn’t one of the most important stories of our entire religion, or anything, right?

Question 3:

What popular phrase is said that the end of the Passover Seder, promising to celebrate next year in a specific city of great religious and cultural significance?

A) Next year in manhattan!

B) Next year in Ontario!

C) Next year in Jerusalem!

If you chose C, you’d be correct! Jews promise every year when we celebrate Passover, that next year we will do it in our most sacred city, the city in the land of our birth!

Oh dear, is that ANOTHER Zionist holiday? Maybe there’s a reason you’re having so much trouble finding rabbis who want to completely disown our most important doctrine. It’s not like the entire religion hinges on us being sons and daughters of Israel, or anything!

Have you participated in Tisha B’av yet? I wonder what that one commemorates! Fasting is very serious.

Uh oh! Looks like we found another Zionist holiday!

How about the holiest holiday we have (Yom Kippur)? Surely THAT one can be celebrated by anti Zionists such as yourself!

Oh dear! It looks like this one ALSO started in Jerusalem! Bummer!

But I’m sure you’ll have absolutely no conflicts with your fellow Jews by converting to the religion BUILT ON ZIONISM! They surely won’t feel unsafe in your presence, because obviously you wouldn’t go out of your way to insult them for where they were born! That would be racism! You aren’t racist! It’s not like over half of us were born in Israel or something!

“Over half of the Jewish population are Israeli-born to at least one parent who was also Israeli-born. Those of European and American ancestry make up about 2.2 million (36%) of the Jewish population in Israel, while Africans fill out another 14.5% and Asians are 11.2%.”

(Source - Jewish Virtual Library)

“More than four-fifths of all Jews live in just two countries, the United States (41%) and Israel (41%).”

(Source - Pew Research Center)

Are you sure that picking this fight with an archaeology major who hoped to specialize in the Near East was such a good idea?

You come for my family and I will come for you.

If this had stayed about me, I would’ve reacted with far less vitriol in my fact checking. But you went and brought my family into it. Given that you have such little grasp of what is important to Jews, I find it pertinent to mention that we always protect our family, no matter what.

Uncut screenshots and proof that this is them will be put in the reblog as I’ve hit the image limit.

[alex51324]

Hello! I figured you were the person to ask, so: do you know where I could find more info on Edwardian gender segregation laws? Like, the maids aren't allowed on the men's corridor, but what if you are a young maid who wants to visit the chauffeur's cottage because you want to ask the chauffeur's sweetheart about being gay because you are a small lesbian? Is Peter leaving the door open good enough? Would they have to find a bench somewhere on the estate gardens? Asking for spin-off fic purposes. (Also, I am sending you good vibes and will pray for you at shul.)

Hey! So, I'm not sure about sources, because a lot of this stuff wasn't written down at the time, but I'd say you're probably fine with having her visit the cottage. (I think I've had Anna visit them there, haven't I?)

First, visiting a whole separate dwelling with plenty of Stuff That Isn't Bedrooms would be generally less suspicious than going into the Corridor That Consists Entirely of Men's Bedrooms.

A key thing to remember about Victorian-to-Edwardian mores was that it was a lot more about the appearance of impropriety than what would actually, logically, give two people an opportunity to have illicit sex. Bedrooms and darkness were to be avoided at all costs, even in a house stuffed full of people; a parlor in broad daylight has an air of innocence even if the house is otherwise empty.

Second, if it's a spinoff, it's after the war, and The War Changed Things. In terms of the upper classes, chaperonage basically disappeared, and a woman calling on a man in his home during the day isn't necessarily something you would absolutely need to make sure that there's another woman present in order to do. (Although if you made a habit of it, that would be Noticed.)

For the working classes, things were even more relaxed; at this point, thanks to changes in mores and increased employment opportunities, you get people in the employers-of-servants classes complaining about how you pretty much have to allow your maids to have "followers" (boyfriends) these days, if you don't want them quitting the job after a few weeks.

Third, it is pretty much an open secret that Thomas and Peter are Like That, so that's probably going to slide them into the same category as, say, visiting the vicar or a man old enough to be your father--it doesn't really count as Visiting A Man, in the capital-letters sense.

So yeah, if they're in the front room with the curtains open, that should be fine--although if the maid makes the mistake of trying to avoid being seen going into the cottage, that would contribute to an appearance of impropriety.

There's some wiggle room to adjust it up or down depending on what you're going for--if you want it to be totally on the up-and-up, have her invent/volunteer for some errand, in the middle of the day; if you want an air of scandal, have her do a bit of lurking in the darkness (like that time canon!Thomas did outside of Anna and Bates's place).

[2shebears]

Intro/Pinned 💞

hi jumblr, I'm ray/רחל and this is my sideblog for jewish stuff! I follow from my main blog with the initials f-a-c. on this blog i want to talk about things like tzniut and gender roles, israel/palestine, indigeneity, antisemitism, xtian hegemony, community, and observance! so you know, all the jewish things.

=about me=

🇹🇼🇺🇸

27/cis/pan/she/her/hers

i speak english & français, have studied latin, italian, and ancient greek, have tiny household amounts of mandarin, and am learning modern hebrew

married!!!

(almost) intellectual property attorney, aiming to become a cultural property attorney for indigenous peoples! i've participated in UN talks about indigenous rights ✨

wish me luck on the bar exam

based in NYC

reblogs with "read later" tags are NOT endorsements lol i have not read them yet

=faq=

what's your jewish frame of reference? nominally aligned with open/modern orthodoxy (YCT beis din) but really post-denominational. my husband has an askhi dad and a mizrachi mom so we follow a mix of minhagim leaning heavily ashki. my observance is personal and evolving, but rn I cover my hair sometimes (always at shul & on holidays), host kosher-style, and attend a non-affiliated conservative-ish shul. I light candles and unplug on shabbat & chagim, and categorically will not do legal work, but I don't abstain from most muskeh. I'm an artist so being able to create on my holiest days is really special, sorry hashem. strongly dislike taharas hamispacha but am compliant on a technicality. I have multiple tattoos and multiple piercings (not just classic lobes). I spell out God but might evolve on this one. actually might evolve on basically all of these. I am a jewish work in progress!

what's your israel frame of reference? husband's family is largely in israel, incl olim, sabras, mena refugees. my in-laws live in jerusalem. i have both israeli and palestinian friends and coworkers. I got bit really hard by a cat in tel aviv once and had to get a rabies vax course and every doctor at the israeli health ministry made fun of me for getting bit (fair)

are you a zionist? no in the sense that i'm in favor of palestinian statehood and self-determination; yes in the sense that I don't think the state of israel and its denizens should be wiped off the face of the earth as a prerequisite for the peace process; yes in the sense that I think israel is an actual state (one that is actively doing war crimes!) and I don't think it needs to be held to unique standards; no in the sense that i would generally be okay with a peace process that completely restructures or essentially ends the current state so long as it does not extinguish jewish self-determination in the region; yes in the sense that i am a jew who will argue with you ;)

you're into Indigenous rights, so how does that bear on i/p? i i literally have so much to say about this that I wrote my law schol capstone on it. Indigeneity is an extremely capacious and fuzzy designation. It doesn't solve land or statehood issues. both israeli jews and palestinian arabs tick MANY of the boxes of being Indigenous but don't map perfectly onto the anglo-settler states and their indigenous peoples, and that is okay and interesting and cool to talk about. finally the things happening now would be horrifying whether or not any party is Indigenous. i'll use the tag #i/p indigeneity on this going fwd!

you posted something wrong about (insert thing here). ok not a question but please tell me if I do. I try to be a diligent fact checker but some things on social media are developing and unstable stories. I welcome fact checks always.

[smile-files]

Hello! I hope this isn't too much of a weird question but, How can I make a good Jewish character without being offensive?

well there are many things to consider. firstly, there are many types of jews. some are orthodox, meaning they really strictly follow the word of the torah (and rabbis. lol). some are conservative, meaning they stick to the torah within reason (for example, conservative jews think it's fine to drive on shabbat if that's the only way you can get to shul). some are reform, meaning they are the loosest with the torah's laws. a lot are in-between, and some don't really practice at all. there are a lot of different customs and rules and sub-groups within each of these categories, and i don't really know the half of it. there's also the matter of where you come from (whether you're an ashkenazi, sephardi, or mizrachi for example) which can also affect your practices. i myself am an ashkenazi conservative jew, which for me means celebrating all of the holidays, keeping shabbat, fasting on fast days (if possible), and keeping kosher. some of my family members go to shul every saturday; i personally do not, as i am very tired at the end of the week. we all know some hebrew, but not fluently, and the majority of us have gone to judaic school from pre-k to 8th grade. we wear kippot at shabbat meals and when doing torah study, but aside from that we don't.

that's the main thing, in what way your character is jewish. the majority of jews, i should mention, have a bar/bat mitzvah around the age of 13, so you might want to incorporate that into your character.

i'm not an expert of jewish stereotypes and caricatures, but i know of a lot of harmful ones. antisemitism has led to myriad (frankly absurd) conspiracies about jewish people, such as us being goblins (especially with a large nose) or lizard people or having tails and horns or controlling all of the banks or controlling hollywood or causing the black death or having space lasers or using babies' blood in our matzah. just avoid those all together. please and thank you.

aside from that, most of the jewish stereotypes i know mainly apply to ashkenazi jews: the "typical" ashkenazi jew is white, has dark curly hair, dark eyes, a big nose, perhaps a slightly nasal voice, and is usually a nerd/smart/socially inept. none of these things are inherently negative; in fact i know a large amount of jews who fit this exact description, and it's fine if you have a jewish character who's like this. however, if you automatically go for these traits when making a jewish character, you should try to examine why. is that just what jews look like to you? if so, why? in any event, not all jews look/act like this. there are so many jews of color!!!!!!!!!!! i'm not an expert on the diversity of jewry, so i recommend you look into it yourself, but just know that not all jews are white!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i do appreciate your sensitivity to the matter!!! i think as long as you avoid all the blatantly antisemitic stuff you'll be okay, but it's always best to put some more thought into it beyond that. being jewish is fun! i love it!! very happy to get some recognition B)

thank you! i hope i could help <33

[medievill]

hey, another Jew here! just wanted to tack on a couple of things to this extremely good list.

op mentioned re: tattoos that it's not something another Jew would bring up, and I'd like to note that in all the circles I've run in, with varying levels of observance, nobody brings any of it up. your level of observance is between you and--well. you. because maybe you're an atheist. your relationship (or non-relationship) with g!d is your own business, 100,000%, and I have never ever experienced pressure from another Jew to be more (or less) observant. like, the closest you get are the Chabadniks on the sidewalk asking you if you've laid tefillin today, and if you haven't, do you want to? no? okay have a nice day! no one, including my own parents, ever gave me shit for how kosher I kept, how often I went to shul, if I was fasting on Yom Kippur or abstaining from chametz during Passover, if I was lighting Chanukah candles, how Hebrew-literate I am. literally none of it. obviously there are exceptions, and there are assholes, but in my experience, everyone is chill about everyone else's level of observance because it's none of our business. (see also: proselytizing, and not doing it.)

IF you want to say stuff about racism in the Jewish community by having someone say something garbage-y to Ed about being a convert, which I personally think you ought to rethink, please understand that this is actually very against the rules! if someone wants to tell you they've converted, okay! but you don't bring it up about someone else, and you definitely don't weaponize it. "every Jew is as Jewish as Moses" includes converts!!

technically speaking, Shabbat (Friday sundown-Saturday hour-past-sundown) is a day of rest, which means work is prohibited. (there are a few holidays throughout the year that also have the work prohibition; they're easy to find if you google them.) the strict reading of this prohibits working at your job, buying stuff, writing, electronics, driving, cooking, lighting a fire, putting on makeup, tying certain kinds of knots (there's more but I'll quit now). a lot of people I know who want to observe Shabbat but don't want to get that deep into it (or can't), will reserve the day for things that bring them pleasure, or things that lessen anxiety. for instance, I don't mind doing household chores on Shabbat because it contributes to my peace of mind, but I stay off social media. I have a friend who will write but only on something that hasn't been acquired by a publisher yet (so there's no money involved).

we're actually a very sex-positive people! there are exceptions, of course, but generally speaking, banging is seen as Good, Actually. there's no shame associated with it, and the only abstinence-only sex education I got was in public school. the focus is much more on sex being a Serious Thing. there's no prohibition on HOW you do it, either; if you wanna get kinky, go nuts! sex is so smiled upon that one of the things shidduchim (professional matchmakers) take into account is attraction between partners. if you're not attracted to your partner, you're not going to want to bang it out, and then what are we doing here? sex is sanctified, okay? (there's a great story about the Rebbe z''l who was asked for advice: a man had been introduced to this great woman, kind and smart and loyal, would make a great mother, really wonderful woman, except he wasn't attracted to her; what should he do? the Rebbe told him she obviously wasn't the one.)

we're more than our generational trauma! we're more than our non-generational personal trauma! there's so much joy in Judaism that you don't get to see in a lot of media representation. Simchat Torah just passed, and it's the holiday where we literally dance with the Torah scrolls. we're having costume parties on Purim! we're having four-hour-long dinners on Passover that usually end with table-banging songs about the goat that father bought for 2 zuzim! we're having l'chaims after Shabbat with the good bourbon! most of our holidays are "they tried to kill us, they failed, let's eat," and we take that very. seriously.

I...did not mean to get this long-winded about it but misrepresentation fuckin' BLOWS. the most important thing here is that if you want to write Jewish characters, find someone Jewish to talk to about it, or do some sensitivity reading for you, if everyone's amenable.

thanks for coming to my Ed Talk.

So you want to write about a Jewish Ed Teach - a quick guide to writing a Jewish man of color, by a Jewish moc

Given Taika Waititi is Jewish, I am always so happy when I see fanfic authors writing about Ed being Jewish! We need more Jewish poc rep and I'm always happy to see it. That being said, I've also seen a lot of misunderstandings, so I wanted to to write up a few quick guidelines.

Disclaimer: I'm just one Jew with an opinion, and this is based on my own experiences! I'd love if other Jews, especially other Jews of color, in the fandom would like to chime in with their thoughts as well!

It is possible to be a Jewish athiest! Judaism is membership in a people, and belief in g-d is not required (and, in my community, it's even considered a very personal question!). Some of the most observant Jews I know are athiests; belief in g-d and level of Jewish observance are not directly correlated. Cannot overstate how common it is for Jews to not believe in g-d or go back and forth on the question.

On that note, there are different levels of Jewish observance. Every individual is different, but in general there's Orthodox (very strict), and then, way on the other side, there's Reform and Conservative (Conservative does not equal politically Conservative). Conservative and Reform are very similar, except the Conservative movement tends to be more observant of traditional Jewish law and uses a lot more Hebrew. If you live in an area without a lot of Jews (like where I live!), it's very common for Reform and Conservative movements to have a lot of overlap and collaborate on a lot of stuff together.

Not every Jew keeps Kosher, or keeps Kosher to the same level of strictness.

Synagogue services are not like Christian services, especially outside of holiday services. Ordinary Saturday morning services are often more like a group conversation as we try to work new meaning out of the Torah. The B'Nei Mitzvah, the big ceremony that marks a kid being old enough to participate fully in Jewish life, is more like "baby's first thesis defense" than anything else! There have literally been pauses in services I've attended before as someone ran to the temple library to check their sources.

Not all Jews speak Hebrew. Some Jews might not know any, some might be able to stumble through the more important prayers, some might be able to sight-read okay, some might only know religious words but not modern words, some might be fluent! Just about any level of proficiency is believable.

Ed's got a lot of tattoos! Tattoos are a big traditional Jewish no-no, but (again!) different movements and different Jews have their own opinions. I know a Conservative tattoo artist! It's not something that other Jews would comment on (unless they're just assholes) and it wouldn't make anyone kick him out of synagogue services (no joke, I read that in a fic once).

Hannukah is not the only (or even the most important) Jewish holiday; it's just the one most non-Jews know about. The two biggest holidays are Rosh HaShanah and Yom Kippur. I think Ed's favorite holidays would be Purim (you get to wear costumes and put on plays!) and Passover (retelling of a story along with a big meal!).

Depending on the area and the Jewish demographic, Jews of color can sometimes feel uncomfortable in our own community, especially when other Jews automatically assume we must be converts. While this is a real issue, it is not something I want to read authors who aren't themselves Jews of color write about because it is a deeply inter-Jewish issue.

Depending on the community you grow up in, religious trauma isn't as common with queer Jews as it is with queer Christians. The Reform movement has been advocating for queer Jews since the 1960s (you read that right, yes). I'm not saying there are no queer Jews who have religious trauma, I'm just saing it's a lot less common, and I have always felt immediately accepted as queer in Jewish spaces.

The inverse is not true. Queer spaces are not always accepting of Jews (or of people of color, a double whammy!).

A few stereotypes to avoid: Jews are often stereotyped as being greedy and corrupt. Jewish kids are bullied by Christian kids because "we killed Jesus," when I was ten I had another kid ask to "see my horns." Always avoid comparing Ed directly to animals, especially rodents.

If you're a non-Jew looking to write about a Jewish Ed, I recommend doing some research. MyJewishLearning is a great website that's very accessible.

Every Jew interacts with our Judaism differently, so if you're writing a Jewish Ed, please take a moment to think about what it means for him! Membership in a community? Calming traditions that remind him of home, family, and community? A point of pride - we're a resilient lot! Even just a note in his background that he's not as connected to as he might like to be?

[jewish-education]

There’s a stereotype that Jews are open about mental health and we all have a therapist -- but frankly, that’s not true. There are people of all ages in our communities who need more help than they’re getting.

[jewishconvertthings]

So according to Humanistic Judaism, the only requirement to be Jewish is to identity with the culture and history. I’m worried if I convert through that denomination people will see it as me taking the easy path to becoming Jewish or will think I’m trying to convert without being required to change my lifestyle or follow Jewish law. I still want to live a Jewish life and be part of the culture, I just resonate with the beliefs of Humanistic Judaism more than the other denominations

Hi anon,

I had to look this up, because I was unfamiliar with their process. Here is what I found:

Humanistic Judaism includes as a full member any person — of any heritage — who “declares himself or herself to be a Jew, and who identifies with the history, ethical values, culture, civilization, community, and fate of the Jewish people.” (IFSHJ Second Biennial Conference, Brussels in 1988.)

Humanistic Judaism welcomes individuals from other backgrounds who wish to become part of the Humanistic Jewish family and identify as a member of the Jewish people.

Humanistic Judaism uses the term “adopt” rather than “convert” because the person wishing to be Jewish is adopting both Judaism and our community, and that the community adopts those desiring to be part of the Jewish people.

As the Association of Humanistic Rabbis so beautifully and succinctly stated:

We believe:

1. That Jewish identity is primarily a cultural and ethnic identity.

2. That belief systems are too diverse among Jews to serve as criteria for membership.

3. That joining the Jewish community is a process of cultural identification.

4. That a person who seeks to embrace Jewish identity should be encouraged to do so and should be assisted in this endeavor.

5. That the cultural instruction for conversion should be left to the discretion of each rabbi, congregation, or community.

6. We are convinced that Jewish survival requires creative alternatives to traditional procedures.

—The Association of Humanistic Rabbis, adopted 1980.

The SHJ assists those who are not near an existing Humanistic Jewish congregation but want to adopt Judaism. We recommend and can provide a course of self-study. We also offer a certificate and a Hebrew name if desired. Contact SHJ Rabbi Miriam Jerris for information about the program of self-study with your complete contact information.

So look, here's the thing - if this is the route you want to go, then perhaps that is what's right for you. I have three major concerns about this process that I would encourage you to consider before deciding to go this route:

First, you need to know that the overwhelming majority of Jews will not consider you halachicly Jewish - not even (as far as I'm aware) the Reform movement. I think as long as you are very committed to klal Yisrael, identify fully as Jewish, live a Jewish life, and don't do stuff that hurts the community, most people will be okay with including you as Jewish at a social level. You would, for example, be just as welcome at my Shabbos table as anyone else. However, if I am counting people for minyan at my Conservative shul, I can't in good conscience count you. By contrast, as long as you have studied for a year with a rabbi, had a beit din, immersed in a mikvah, and (if required) had a circumcision, many Conservative rabbis and communities will still accept your Reconstructionist or Reform conversion for halachic purposes.

Second, I would be a bit worried about the quality of Jewish education you would receive as part of this process. There is a LOT to learn in order to really immerse yourself in Jewish thought, ethics, and culture, even if you don't hold by the more traditionally religious pieces of it. If you're at least able to take an Intro to Judaism course through a mainstream synagogue, JCC, or other Jewish institution, I would strongly encourage doing so, even if you ultimately stick with the Humanistic approach.

Third - and perhaps this is just my own baggage talking here, but I *do* think that what I'm about to say is articulating an unconscious but very real rule - I think you need to go into this with the idea that you can't just back out once you've done it. You need to take this as seriously as any other irreversible procedure, because conversion is a one-way road.

See the thing that gives converts - all gerim - credibility and legitimacy as Jews is that we cannot just nope out the moment the going gets tough or something else shiny catches our attention. Once you convert, you're supposed to be treated just like any other Jew, which comes with both parts privilege and responsibility. Yes, you're a full-fledged member of the community for all purposes halachic and (at least supposed to be) social. People are not supposed to remind you of your past, are not supposed to single you out for different treatment, and there is a mitzvah to welcome you. But that comes with the terrifying reality of antisemitism, and it comes with all the many responsibilities to the community that all other Jews have. If you don't know fully what you're signing up for (see #2), how can you make an informed decision? How can anyone else in the community be certain that you are taking this that seriously? Bottom line - gerim have to be ride or die once the conversion has been finalized for our own credibility and for the whole community's safety. This may be fully addressed by their requirement that you commit to sharing in the fate of the Jewish people, but it bears reiterating given how vague that statement is.

There are answers to the above concerns, but I would be remiss not to point them out to you because these are important things to be thinking about.

I wish you well on your Jewish journey, wherever that takes you from here.

[tzipporahssong]

So you’re interested in Judaism

That’s great! I’m glad you’re on this journey. But before you start making side blogs and before you contact a rabbi, here’s some books which I think should really be the bare minimum to get you started researching. Yes I recommend them in this order.

What I Wish My Christian Friends Knew About Judaism  by Robert Schoen: This is a super great resource for learning the early stuff about Judaism. Basic overview of customs and holidays, etc. I highly recommend it if you have any background in xianity whatsoever.

Settings of Silver by Stephen Wylen: This is a bit more of an academic text, but is super easy to understand and is incredibly thorough. It’s broken up into sections on Basic Beliefs, Practices and Customs, Jewish History, and Modern Judaism/Israel. I’ve included a link but it should be commonplace in most academic libraries.

To Life! by Harold Kushner. I’ve talked on this blog a few times before about how essential I see this book to be for new converts, Patrilineals, parents of Jews by Choice, and anyone who’s lost touch with their Jewish heritage and wants to discover more. It’s broken up into super easy to read sections, with introductions on every topic and a Q&A section at the end for any potential questions you may have.

Essential Judaism by George Robinson: This is a resource text with incredibly in depth answers to any Judaic question you can think of, with answers in line with that of every denomination. It’s quite weighty, clocking in at 704 pages, but I see it as a must-have in any Jewish home. (Plus you can totally find pdfs online if that’s your thing)

By this point, it should be pretty clear to you whether or not you want to convert. Your next step is not to make a blog (I don’t see why so many people make side blogs so early in their process, it’s okay to reblog pomegranates and yidquotes to your main lmao) but to start reaching out to local Jewish congregations in your area. If you don’t have a local congregation, then I suggest either finding one relatively close by that you can commute to or work with remotely, or waiting until you’re at a place in your life where you do have one. 

I highly suggest A) attending services for a while (a month minimum) before talking to your local clergy about conversion and B) emailing the shul ahead of your attending so that they know you are a safe person to let in.

In the meantime, the books I suggest are:

The Jewish Home by Rabbi Daniel Syme: This book is a guide for creating–you guessed it–a Jewish home. It has super simple and in-depth explanations of rituals, holidays, how to celebrate said holidays, life events, and appropriate prayers (transliterated!) for each.

Choosing a Jewish Life by Anita Diamant: This one is quite popular with converts. It is a guide for navigating the conversion process, with suggestions for readings, prayers, your familial connections, and what the actual conversion moment looks like.

Your People, My People by Lena Romanoff: very similar to Diamant’s book, this is a resource for conversion by someone who has been there, done that, got the t-shirt, and worked with converts for decades. It does take a lot of the view of people converting for marriage, unfortunately, but it is not solely dedicated to that POV. It’s incredibly helpful on the front of navigating the issue with your family: both your own and that of your future partner’s. I found it incredibly lovely this year as I spent Chanukah with my partner and a good chunk of it was celebrated on FT with their parents.

The Way of Man by Martin Buber: My partner would roll their eyes at my including this book, but despite the fact that it’s a pretty sexist Hasidic text, I think it’s an important message for converts: there is no one right or wrong way to find Hashem. The important thing is that you try your best every day to do good and be in His image. It’s a very short book, but take your time with it. Don’t read it all in one sitting.

You may be sitting there looking at this list going “whoa whoa whoa wait! That’s a lot of books! How much will that cost me??” And you’re right to. It’s not a pretty list to look at. Converting costs money, there’s just no way around it. You may or may not have to pay for whatever classes you take, and you may or may not have to become a member of your shul. But the price of these books is just encouragement to find them at a library, order them from used book websites, and most importantly: to space them out.

Becoming a Jew isn’t a race. It’s not about “saving your soul as quick as you can” because that’s ridiculous. It’s a lifelong commitment with no un-do button, so you better make damn sure this is what you want. Take your time with it. Study, interact with your community, study more, and did I mention study? You’ll never be finished learning what there is to know about Judaism, but this is a great place to start. The actual conversion process will take anywhere from 6 months to 2 years depending on what you and your rabbi think is best for you (also, life hack: the more studying you do on your own ahead of time, the shorter your process may end up being). And they’ll have their own book recommendations! In fact, three books on this list were ones my rabbi required of me!

You’ll notice I didn’t include any siddurim or even scripture on this list. Your siddur is a very important and special text, and I don’t think it should be purchased without rabbinic oversight. Likewise, I don’t suggest attempting to study Torah until you have someone knowledgeable in it who can help you study and interpret it.

Don’t rush this. It’s a beautiful thing that will take time, effort, prayer, sweat, and tears. But it’s something that will also rush past, and before you know it you’ll be a bona fide Jew. So enjoy the process of getting there, and know that your commitment to studying doesn’t stop at the mikveh.

[ruffboijuliaburnsides]

Hi! Obviously ignore this if I'm asking something too personal, but you've mentioned that you're in the process of converting to judaism and I've been wondering how did you start? I've done a good bit of research and think it's something I'm interested in, but I have no idea what the actual process of conversion looks like, much less where to begin. Obviously feel free to ignore, or send me towards someone else, but thought I'd ask!

Hey no worries, anon! So, I will preface this by being forthcoming and saying I got partway through the conversion process, was forced to move, and ended up in a different part of the country with only one shul nearby whose rabbi (and community) are… very unfriendly to converts. They don’t SAY they are, but a few months of attendance and a handful of meetings with the rabbi with regards to conversion really hammered home that neither my wife nor I felt even remotely comfortable converting here, considering it’s a very personal and often vulnerable process, and wherein you have to actually like… trust and communicate with the rabbi you’re working with. So my conversion, while I still consider it “in progress”, is in an indefinite stall until we can move somewhere else or can reliably get to the next closest shul, which we currently cannot for various reasons.

ANYWAY. I started by doing a lot of research. Mostly I was just looking into… all kinds of religion, including Islam actually, because I missed the community and the structure and the spiritual anchors of my very conservative evangelical christian upbringing, but I didn’t like or want to return to the actual, y’know…. beliefs and tenets of Christianity. I found Judaism and just… the more I read and researched about the beliefs and the general culture of questioning and grappling with things within it, the more I felt like I’d found a people who I could understand, and a religion that understood me and would allow for me to be uncomfortable and question why things are taught certain ways and so forth. Which was one of many things that drove me away from Christianity, as I was not good at the whole “blind faith” thing. (they insist it’s not blind, but if you’re not supposed to question god then… what else IS it?)

At that point we were living in upstate new york, and the nearest reform shul was very small, did not have a permanent rabbi (there was one for a number of local communities that cycled around every few weeks), and really while they were officially reform they seemed to as a community have a practice and beliefs a lot closer to something like reconstructionist or humanist Judaism. I went to shabbat services on fridays there for a few months, and they were very nice but said they were very much not a usual reform congregation and that I should probably actually convert somewhere with a permanent rabbi and that was a bit more traditional, but that in the meantime they were more than happy to have me attend services and events with them. They were very sweet and I did appreciate that opportunity to accustom myself to the general pacing and content of a friday night shabbat service.

At that point we get to the part that you’re actually asking about, and I’m sorry if you’re just like “OH MY GOSH MAGS PLS JUST GET TO THE POINT” which is when we moved back down to Florida and I actually properly started the conversion process with a rabbi! I started out emailing the local shul and saying that I had just moved to the area, I was not Jewish but was interested in possibly converting and had been attending services at a very small shul up north, and is it all right if I attend a few shabbat services while I consider converting? I will say, I have never been told “no please don’t attend” about going to shabbat services, but especially with the world the way it is, and me being new and not knowing anyone in the community or having anyone to vouch for me, I prefer to ask beforehand so that they know to expect someone new who is reaching out and less likely to be a threat.

Anyway after a couple of weeks at that shul, I already loved the people and could tell I would get on pretty well with the rabbi, so I emailed her again about setting up a meeting to discuss converting. We had the meeting, talked about why I wanted to convert, what would be required of me, etc. She got me set up with a book list and some books from the shul library, gave me a reading assignment and asked me to write down any thoughts or questions I had, along with some other things that were kind of reading comprehension stuff, and told me to email her when I had finished so we could have another meeting. She also stipulated that she would have me live and practice through a full year of the Jewish calendar at minimum before she’d declare me ready to go to the mikvah, and we’d meet regularly, I’d do a lot of reading, I needed to attend a beginning hebrew class for adults that would be starting again over the summer, attend services (both weekly and holiday) as much as possible, and engage as much as possible in the community. (I really loved them. I was a soloist in the Purim spiel that year and I had friends and once I’d finished converting and could join the synagogue I’d already been needled to join their tiny choir and it was just a great group of people.)

Aaaand then we had to move due to things outside our control, and I couldn’t attend as often due to being a heck of a drive away (in a car with no A/C, in Florida, in the summer) so I tried to shift over to a closer shul whose rabbi my old rabbi knew, but it was High Holy Days and then he was travelling for some studies and couldn’t start doing anything like conversion until that was all over, and then we had to move again and now we’re here and have a very unfriendly rabbi and congregation, so we don’t attend services right now.

…………all this to say: you’ve done some research and you think you’re interested. Next step is to find the nearest shul that is of the movement you want to convert in, and call or email them and just let the rabbi know where you’re at and ask if you can attend some services respectfully to see if you still feel drawn to Judaism when engaging with it directly. If so, let the rabbi know, set up a meeting, and go from there. It’ll take time, a year at the LEAST and usually longer even if you DON’T have the sort of issues I’m currently having, but if HaShem is calling you home, it’s worth it.

(and if your rabbi requires to you take any classes or what-not, most organizations that run them that require you to pay some kind of fee offer scholarships or reduced tuition if you’re not financially able to enroll in them initially, so be sure to reach out about stuff like that, too.)

[dadyomi]

Monday 3/14, Yevamot 7: Death and Mitzvot

A rare trans-daf posting today, including some of yesterday’s. Occasionally I’ll miss a Friday post because I’m tired at the end of the week, especially when it’s a really difficult tractate like Yevamot. Often I’ll skip Saturday’s because I do try to leave it for a day of rest and reflection. I was planning to come back to Yevamot yesterday, but I had such a struggle with the whole “execution by pouring lead into the mouth” thing that I decided this was a Monday problem. 

I struggle a lot with the concept of violence in faith. One of the podcasts I listen to had a host advocating armed congregants in Temple during service, and my knee-jerk reaction was to delete the podcast completely (I didn’t, but it was a near thing). The idea of tools of violence in my Shul during service was viscerally repellent to me, and I don’t think it would do anything. All other arguments about mutually assured destruction aside, shootings in shuls have generally targeted extremely small groups who would be unlikely to have an armed congregant in any case. 

However...some do put guards on the doors, and sometimes those are armed, and that’s not that different. It also makes it very hostile, especially in America, for Jews of color, since often those armed guards are former cops or moonlighting cops. And I’ve never had the same level of reaction to that, even though perhaps I should. So I know that it’s more complicated than simply being for or against a gun. Pacifism is often a tool of the privileged or the despairing, and frequently involves someone else fighting your battles for you.

But the death penalty is something I cannot ever be for, in any sense. I cannot advocate for the community’s right to kill a human being with premeditation, with a set date and a time. It’s a farce presented to my face and if the divine does exist it is the ultimate insult to G-d. And the idea that a state execution, let alone one that involves molten lead, would override Shabbat is something so poisonous that I can’t even laugh at anything around it. Can’t make a dad joke about the death penalty. 

I wrestle with aspects of Jewish law. I don’t keep very kosher, I don’t know if I believe in a divine creator, I think some of the stuff we’ve studied in Daf Yomi is extremely silly. But this isn’t silly and it’s really difficult to read. A harder wrestling match than most. 

So, we knew Yevamot would be hard, if perhaps not for the reasons I thought. I’m going to try to stick through it, and maybe this is just a passing meditation, but I might also post only patchily for a while. 

[enkelimagnus]

Cookbook

Bucky Barnes Gen, 1694 words, rated T for Hydra shit

Jewish Bucky Barnes, pre TFATWS, post Endgame

Bucky walks home from a long day of paperwork. On his path is a garage sale and a tired woman.

TW: cigarettes, smoking

Read on AO3

Part 2 of Making a Home - the Jewish Bucky series, Part 1 here, Part 2 here

----------------

Bucky smokes on the way home from work.

Everything that brought some sort of pleasure was a currency back in his day. That was why they sent cigarettes to the front. It was easy to make them necessary, when you were under constant fire and needed something to keep you going. Anything that got you out of that hell was traded for, fought for. Some days, it was like nothing mattered more than the next ration shipment and its load of cigarettes, pin-up magazines and six-pence books.

In truth, he doesn’t have the habit he used to have. Hydra wouldn’t have that. Upside of brainwashing, he guesses. And it’s not like it burns the same way anymore. That’s the serum for you.

Still, sometimes, he pulls a cigarette out of its gore-decorated cardboard box, lights it and pretends it has the same effect on him now than it did back in muddy camps or candle-lit living rooms.

The day has been long. No raids, but he’d been stuck behind a desk doing fucking paperwork for the last two weeks-worth of missions. His reports are tired and concise, he hates doing them and he’s pretty sure it’s obvious to anyone who reads what he writes.

He wishes he could smoke then , at that stupid cramped desk, to make the endless signing and reading and writing easier, but you’re not allowed to smoke inside anymore. So he finds himself doodling on other pieces of paper when his mind drifts. His focus is not the best outside of missions.

He used to love writing shit. Steve had his drawings and Bucky had his words, in between everything else. They wrote stories on notes they passed in class in high school. When it got taken by the teacher, no one could understand what they were talking about. He used to make up worlds and think of men walking in space, and he wishes he could tell his 14-year-old self that there are people in the sky, and that he’ll meet them one day. That he’ll see aliens, real ones, and punch them in the face.

He would tell him all the good things about the universe, all the people in it, all about partners in crime and arms like Dugan or Morito or Jones, or Sam or Natasha, how he not only met Howard Stark but was his comrade, how Stark knew him as “Sergeant Barnes” or “Sarge”.

He’d tell him all the good, and none of the bad, none of how his dad would die in two years and he’d be leading the family in shabbos prayers at 16, none of how the people in the world could be cruel for the sake of their own fun, none of how Howard Stark said his name in shock before he punched in his skull with the metal fist that was now his left hand.

Those conversations with his younger self -- barely a man, already smart-mouthed and charming and cocky in the way teenagers are and in the way Bucky had tried to remain for as long as he could until the war drained it out of him -- evaporate in the smoke, in the cold Brooklyn air.

He doesn’t love writing anymore. His mind can’t create the worlds it used to make. He thinks in three languages on a good day, only knows how to write one of those, so whenever he tries, something’s always missing. On a bad day, he can barely string along one sentence, let alone tell a story.

And he’s got no one to tell them to, anyway.

It’s 7pm and the streets are dark and icy. In the last few weeks, the gloves he always wears to hide his left hand have not been an incongruous fashion statement.

It’s January now. There was snow last week, a soft blanket that made him fucking cry out of nowhere when he saw it through the window. It was gone soon, but it was there. And for once, it didn’t fall on Siberia. It fell on Brooklyn again. He never would have thought he’d seen snow on Brooklyn again.

That kind of shit pulls memories out of him like nothing else, and he’s thankful for them. They make it easier and harder at the same time.

He told Doctor Raynor about the shul that’s now a church, about how it was the worst pain he’d felt since he’d last been wiped. How that’s another reason why he doesn’t want to walk into Becky’s retirement home and see her as she is now. The pain of time lost is the worst one to bear.

That, and he’s pretty sure she knows what he’s done. His name and photo have been blasted on every news channel and every social media website after the UN bombing. There’s no way she wouldn’t recognize him, when he looks so similar to the brother she lost.

He has no desire to face his Becky now that he’s a murderer and a weapon of mass destruction, Hydra brainwashing or not. You don’t do that to your little sister.

Besides, she doesn’t need him. She’s got kids and grandkids and great-grandkids, and nephews and nieces and every sort of relative you can imagine except for parents and siblings. She’s taken care of, they visit her often, she doesn’t need the grief he’d bring. He can’t be selfish.

He stops to stab the butt of the cigarette into a wall but his eyes catch something else.

In the cold evening, there’s a few lights set up on the sidewalk, over some makeshift tables threatening to crumble over all the items on it. Everyday items mostly, kitchen stuff, books and a clock and some candlesticks.

At first glance, all of the pricier stuff has been sold already, and there’s a tired-looking middle-aged woman sitting on the stairs of the house behind the tables. She has a look on her face, heavy with emotions muddled so well they’re impossible to tell apart.

“Buy what you want,” she says. Her voice doesn’t carry. He’s pretty sure he wouldn’t have heard more than a mumble if his hearing wasn’t enhanced. “Pay what you want.”

How many times has she said that today?

He looks down at the items for a moment, the cheap metal candlesticks, some old plates decorated with blue flowers, a still plastic-wrapped, never used, frankly hideous challah cover, and a pile of various books. Most in English, a couple in what he assumes to be Polish, some in Yiddish. His eyes fall on one in particular, a cookbook. It looks old.

“Can I touch?” He asks, pointing at the cookbook.

The woman nods. “Yeah. Nothing very modern in there. Bubbe barely even made this anymore,” she explains. Ah. A bubbe passed and the stuff they can’t keep, they’re selling.

The cookbook’s unremarkable. It’s been used, obviously, there are stains of chocolate-covered fingerprints on some of the dessert pages as he flips through. It seems to be half in English and half in Yiddish. He reaches the page where the publication date would be. He doesn’t even know why he’s checking.

Entire Contents Copyrighted 1949 The B. Manischewitz Co. Printed in the U.S.A.

1949. It’s close enough. Really close enough.

“How much do you want?” He looks up at the mourner.

“I told ya, it’s how much you’re willing to give.”

Bucky makes an annoyed sound at the back of his throat. He rephrases the question. “How much do you want me to give?”

The woman makes eye contact again. She looks deeply surprised by his question. Hesitant, too. She has no idea what to reply.

He fishes his wallet out of his pocket, starts going through the cash he has. He barely uses his credit card. Every month, when he gets his money from the army, he immediately withdraws most of it. It’s safer that way, and he knows how much he’s spending.

He counts out 180 dollars. It feels like a ridiculous amount for a cookbook, but the woman’s selling her bubbe’s shit like this, she’s still out at 7pm in January in Brooklyn and Bucky doesn’t have a lot of expenses anyway. He doesn’t really have expensive taste. 18’s a good number too, at least, it used to be, in his day.

“Peace be upon her,” He says quietly, when the woman opens her mouth at the bills he places in her hand. “It’s getting cold, you should go back inside,” he adds, quiet and coaxing, the tone he used to use when the neighbor’s son, Aaron, had a tantrum and sat on the stairs all evening, pretending to be mad at his parents.

Did he know the bubbe in question? Was she one of the kids from Hebrew school? It’s a little too far from his old neighborhood to be sure. He’s not going to ask.

The woman sighs a little, putting the money in her pocket when she realizes he’s not going to take any of it back.

He eyes the tables for a moment. “You need help packing up?”

She hesitates. He gets it, he’s a weird stranger who just bought an old cookbook for 180 dollars, it’s nighttime… He can’t tell her he’s not a serial killer, because he is one, and there’s going to be a moment where she remembers where she’s seen his face before. There usually is.

He holds his hands up, seemingly showing he’s harmless. It’s hilarious, really, because he’s never harmless. But contrary to Steve, he’s not massive. He’s more on the lean side of things, especially with his new arm.

“No pressure.”

She hesitates still, but he sees the exhaustion working away at her until she nods. The cookbook is put to the side and he helps her pack up the tables and the remaining things. He is careful not to display too much strength, and he’s also careful to keep his face in a neutral but positive sort of mask. His resting expression is meaner than needed.

He comes home much later than he thought he would, but he’s got a cookbook and some ideas of how to occupy his amnesia-riddled nights.

[greendaleshistorian]

You are so fucking talented!! You cosplay, you gif sometimes, you draw/paint/do digital art, voice act, write, and make really insightful hcs. Is there anything you can’t do?! I especially love the stuff about Lilith’s Jewish roots. I’d love to see more of it if you are ever so inclined.

Ah, I know this has been in my inbox for so long; I hadn't meant to keep you waiting, I apologize!

Thank you SO kindly for your kind words! Truly, they mean a lot! I honestly don't know how I've taken up so many hobbies/interests, but I think it's because I'm curious on how things work... And then I don't want to stop?

As it comes to Lilith and her relation to Judaism (and other Semitic cultures), I'd be happy to speak about her! I believe that she has a rich history, both in religious contexts and social/popular culture.

I do love connecting and connecting to her story. Though, for everyone's sake, I would like it said that I am a Jew by Choice.

I do attend shul (though not as much recently, as to do so in current times can be dangerous for health and political/social climate.) I have Jewish, specifically Ashkenazi, family. I've been given jewelry by Jewish relatives as a symbolic "not-a-bat-mitzvah gift but certainly a coming of age gift" I celebrate Jewish holidays with my housemates. Study Judaic tradition (religion and culture) in multiple areas of my life.

I do my best to bring together sources and experience, but I may not always have everything right. So while I'm happy to share, I would also like to take this moment to say that the things I say may not entirely align with someone else's experience, though I will always try to do right by others with sharing knowledge.

All this said, you will be able to find any thoughts I have regarding Lilith and Judaism under the tag:

#the many histories of lilith

And should you ever want any additional sources or reading, please don't hesitate to ask.

[mikhalsarah]

RIP Open Orthodoxy, eaten alive by parasitic “Wokeness”...

There are already three streams of Judaism where women can be rabbis (Conservative/Masorti, Reform, and Reconstructionist), I should know, I belong to one of them. I’ve never entirely understood the Orthodox commitment to sidelining women in this day and age, but the simple fact is, people who are unhappy with Orthodox halakhah in this area have other places to pray, and the stubborn refusal to pray in any of “those places”, yet fighting tooth and nail to make their own shuls become just like them, smack of a weird sort of snobbish attachment to the word “orthodoxy”....even though the rest of Orthodox is but a hair’s breadth from considering them a treif liberal “fake” Judaism like the rest of us already.

As difficult, but possible, as the issue of female rabbis would be to bring about, (seeing as it is a rabbinic prohibition based largely on cultural attitudes no longer in play in western society), the issue of getting the Orthodox to accept gay couples is another matter. Again, not an insurmountable issue, Centrist Orthodox Rabbi Schmuley Boteach has written quite openly about the need to find a place in Orthodox shuls for gay and lesbian Jews. However Orthodox culture is never going to let them hold hands during service or kiddush, for the simple reason that public displays of sexual/romantic affection, even between heterosexual married couples, are frowned upon everywhere from the sanctuary to the grocery store, due to the strong feeling that sexuality should be put aside, or sublimated, when encountering certain kinds of holiness (engaging in prayer etc). Of course, that does not mean that in Judaism sex is the opposite of holiness in some way, or else it would be forbidden to have sex on Shabbat. Since marital sex is a mitzvah (commandment, meritorious act) on Shabbat, better to understand it as a different kind of holiness, one that is not compatible with some other mitzvot (like prayer) or with public life in general. Sexuality itself is a sort of holiness surrounded by taboos and necessitating the utmost privacy in Judaism, so this is ironically probably the hill Orthodoxy would die on, not figuring out how to tolerate the gays.

I heartily agree that it’s time to stop being racist to the Palestinians. Strange though that a “Woke” rabbi still can’t bring himself to call them what they call themselves, and in typical Israeli/Zionist  fashion emphasizes their Arab otheness, rather than their indigenousness...thus making it seem rather like a favour being granted to them out of the goodness of his Woke heart, rather than an acknowledgement of their intrinsic belongingness. (This kind of stuff is typical for Woke social justice, which consistently cares far more about virtue-signalling and screaming at “white people”, or whomever else is deemed an Oppressor in the situation, than listening and paying attention to those who are actually oppressed.)

I spent decades of my life as a vegetarian, years of that as a vegan. Even though for medical reasons I had to adopt a diet which relies on meat for sufficient protein, I still try to limit my meat consumption. I am very pleased that so many people are seeing the value of vegetarian and vegan diets, and that even regular omnivore folk are adopting “meatless Mondays” and so forth. I’d be even better pleased with governments helping to encourage it by working to make it less expensive if/where possible. I’d nod my head approvingly if rabbis suggested meat-eating be reserved for Shabbat, if one didn’t feel able to give it up entirely. However, even when I didn’t practice (Judaism) and was secular it would never have occurred to me to ban it wholesale. I’m just not Puritan enough for banning things, I prefer the Quakerly ways of  “convincement”. The Woke, on the other hand, are full-bore Puritan, convert-the-heathen-masses.

This is perhaps the strangest part of entire essay. This newly minted “rabbi” is publicly expressing the desire to not just overhaul a big chunk of halakhah in order to make Judaism less restrictive and bring it further into line with the mores of the gentile world... a process that has been going on forever, whether excessively quickly (Reform) or excruciatingly slowly (Haredi)... but is calling to make Judaism more restrictive in other ways, by banning things permitted by halakhah which happens never or so infrequently that I can’t recall an instance offhand. And he’s willing to use secular governments to achieve it by force.

I recall hearing conservatives decades ago saying “Inside the heart of every liberal is a fascist screaming to get out” and laughing derisively at how they could think that. I laugh no more, though I contend that it is a particular species of illiberal liberal, known as the progressive activist, that is to blame rather than liberals in general. Still...there it is, and the regular liberals are generally no help opposing their own extremists because deep down they harbour that intrinsic liberal guilt that they are never doing enough or being enough to be truly authentic and useful. For authenticity and “real change” they look ever to the fringes, on the assumption that the more wildly opposed to society in general an ideology is, the better it is, if only they weren’t too cowardly and comfortable to join up and suffer like the “real” activists. 

I have to add here, how nice it is despite not having set foot in any shul in over a year, to still have something of the religious Jewish mindset, which makes impressive demands on your time, money, and moral fastidiousness, but at the same time reminds you constantly that you’ll never be perfect and will never accomplish everything you want or that God asks of you and God already accepts that as a given. “It is not yours to complete the task (of repairing the world), but neither are you free to desist from it.” -Pirkei Avot 2:21. Despite the reputation Judaism has for being guilt-inducing, at least we are free from the overwhelming and psychologically destructive levels of guilt induced by secular liberalism, which now has decided, via Wokeness, that merely existing in a society that is imperfect is a damnable offense, even if it is, on balance, one of the least imperfect societies around. This is how Jews like me know that Wokeness is not just a new religion, it’s an offshoot of Christianity, where just being born damns you to a state of perpetual sin.

This authenticity-of-the-extremists mindset blinds them to the fact that while the fringes are the birthplace of some excellent critiques and paradigm-changing ideas that have been of great benefit, those benefits most often only come when those ideas are tempered by counter-critiques and more pragmatic people who can tolerate the loss of ideological purity required to make them work in practice. Also invisible to the liberal mind are those historical moments when progressives have backed ideas that were...well, the term “clusterfucks” springs to mind.

 Progressives less than a century ago were enamoured with ideas ranging from Eugenics to Italian Fascism (less so with Naziism, but even that had its adherents until the war and the atrocities of the camps coming home to roost). They backed Communism to such a degree that it took Kronstadt to shake most of them loose, and they still idolize Che Guevara, the gay-hating, probably racist, illiberal who put people to death without trial and “really liked killing” (his words) and can’t hear a word against Communist China (”That’s racist to the Chinese!”) or Islamic extremists (”That’s Islamophobic!), despite the fact that Communist China is “re-indoctrinating” the Muslim Uighers and using them as slave labour (in part for the profits and in part because keeping the men and women separated prevents them breeding more Muslim Uighers), and despite the fact that the Islamists throw gay men off roofs in public executions. When you do get a left-liberal to admit something on the Left has gone wrong at all, they immediately shift to rationalizing it as somehow really being the fault of conservatives all along...even in a case like Eugenics where religious and other conservatives were fighting it tooth and nail.

(NB: This is not an endorsement of conservatives, who have their own sets of problems but who, when they finally do change their mind on an issue, don’t try to rationalize their former wrongheadedness by claiming it was really the fault of left-liberals that they ever believed such things in the first place)

And that brings us back to Zionism and the Woke. The Woke cannot for the life of them admit that it was secular, and often quite far left, Jews that birthed Zionism directly out of the leftist “liberation” traditions of the day (albeit with a healthy side of pro-Western colonialism-admiring fervour for being “an outpost of the West” shining the light of rationality on the barbaric, backward, religiosity of the Middle East). They don’t want to see it. It disturbs their comfortably simple narrative, which prefers to maintain that it was the “whiteness” of the original Zionist Jews and their early followers that was the problem, not their politics.

But Zionism is merely the predictable result of what happens when you take an oppressed people and tell them that their oppression entitles them to do whatever they need to in order to end their oppression and that violence is not violence when perpetrated by the oppressed. That the world owes them, and their descendants, something in perpetuity for having oppressed them, some sort of special treatment, and that it must never withdraw that special dispensation because that itself would be oppressing them again. The fact that what the Jews would feel like they needed to do was ethnically-cleanse their former homeland of people who had once shared it with them (both Jews and Palestinians can be traced to a shared ancestry in the region going back about 50,000 years) and necessitating a whole new liberation movement to free them was an unintended consequence of th\e liberation movement, but a consequence nonetheless.

The Woke cannot admit that Zionism is, in large part, a direct consequence of the leftist liberation project, and Woke Jews (who are almost invariably “white”) can’t admit that the rest of the Woke movement hates them. They truly deserve each other.

Ah, well, at least this “woke” rabbi isn’t trying to qualify for the cognitive dissonance finals by being Woke and a Zionist at the same time like the current rabbi of my (rapidly sinking) former synagogue. We’ve had rabbis that horrified the congregation by being too right-wing (mostly on halakhic issues rather than politics), and we’ve had rabbis that horrified (the older portion of) the congregation by being too left-wing and running off to march in Selma. Thanks to this rabbi haranguing the congregation daily about LGBTQ issues to the point that even the LGBTQ Jews got tired of hearing him (our sexuality is NOT our whole fucking existence...no pun intended) and marching around the Sanctuary with the Israeli flag on Shabbat (an honour reserved for the Torah even by the most fervently Zionist among us, none of whom are yours truly) we now have the dubious distinction of being a congregation horrified by a rabbi being both too left-wing and too right-wing simultaneously. 

Apropos of nothing, there is now a “For Sale” sign on the front lawn of my former synagogue and the membership at the Orthodox synagogue has grown with astonishing rapidity. We can extrapolate from this that in 4 years time, should the U.S. Republicans run any candidate remotely sane, they will sweep the election.