#struggling to form and maintain relationships but valuing objects more

[aipurjopa]

to be honest every time i watch the spoke uus2 episodes i always find myself circling back to the ending of the big wormhole vid.

something about how he questions why he did any of that, and more specifically: why he followed the rules of his challenge. something about how the 100 days format is a challenge, how spoke refuses to leave until those 100 days are up, and how power hungry he’s been getting i think is what makes me always end up thinking about that clip again.

he doesn’t know why he’s doing this, only that he needs power, he needs to be at the top, to call himself the most powerful. and only when he’s at the bottom does he understand why he needed to do it in the first place… like he’s blinded by the pursuit to be the best and doesn’t stop to think. and it’s so similar to what he says at the end of that wormhole video.

and tangentially:

it’s like it’s the more childish part of him that just needs to be up there, does anything to climb up there, who doesn’t know when to stop and who doesn’t know what the boundaries are�� everything is apart of this game everything is apart of this challenge; i will trample whoever i need to get to where i want.

it’s like he’s detached from everything, and that’s where i think the editing choices come in. the more “childish” music and style, the narration, it’s all showing this sense of detachment and disassociation from the people in the server and his actions. it’s just a game. it’s just a challenge. it’s something that he has to win no matter what.

he doesn’t regard himself as a “villain” because isn’t this what everyone wants? to be the most powerful? he’s not a villain because everyone wants this.

[schizoidvision]

5 Reasons Schizoids May Struggle With Friendship...

For many of us with schizoid dynamics, friendships often function differently than they do for others. While some of us may desire companionship in some form, others may find social bonds unnecessary or difficult to maintain. The way we navigate relationships is shaped by our internal experience, and for many of us, traditional friendships don’t develop naturally. Here are five reasons why maintaining friendships may be particularly challenging for those of us with schizoid traits.

1. Lack of Object Constancy

For many, friendships involve a sense of emotional continuity... a feeling that connections remain present even when the person is not physically there. However, for some of us, once someone is out of sight, they tend to fade from our awareness. This isn’t necessarily due to a lack of care, but rather that relationships don’t occupy an ongoing emotional space in our minds. Because of this, we may unintentionally neglect friendships, not realizing how much time has passed without contact.

2. Hyperpermeability and Mental Overload

When we interact with someone, they can linger in our thoughts long after the interaction is over. Many of us find that even brief social exchanges trigger obsessive analysis... replaying conversations, breaking down what was said, and trying to make sense of every detail. This can become mentally exhausting, making social interaction feel like more of a burden than a source of connection. Because of this, some of us may be hesitant to initiate or maintain relationships, as they can feel overwhelming rather than enriching.

3. Minimal Emotional Drive for Connection

Unlike those who seek out friendships to fulfill emotional needs, many of us don’t experience the same intrinsic drive for connection. While we may enjoy intellectual discussions, shared activities, or practical collaborations, the deeper emotional bonding that underlies most friendships often feels unnecessary. This doesn’t mean we don’t care about others, but rather that emotional closeness doesn’t feel like a fundamental need. As a result, maintaining friendships can seem like an effort with little personal reward.

4. A Preference for Psychological Space

Many of us value solitude because it allows us to maintain mental clarity and personal autonomy. Social interactions, even enjoyable ones, can sometimes feel intrusive, as they bring another person’s presence into our internal world. Some of us find that the more time we spend with others, the more we need to "detox" afterward, retreating into our own space to regain balance. This natural preference for psychological distance makes long-term friendships more difficult to sustain.

5. The Effort Required to Maintain Relationships

Friendships require ongoing effort... checking in, remembering details about others’ lives, and maintaining regular contact. For some of us, this kind of social maintenance feels unnatural or unnecessary. We may not think to reach out, and when others don’t contact us, we don’t see it as a problem. Because of this, many friendships naturally fade over time, not due to any conscious rejection, but simply because the effort to sustain them doesn’t feel pressing or intuitive.

Friendship and Schizoid Dynamics: A Personal Journey

Not all of us experience friendships in the same way. Some of us may find a few select relationships fulfilling, while others may prefer near-total solitude. For those who do desire companionship, finding friendships that align with our natural tendencies (ones that allow for space, independence, and minimal social obligation) can make maintaining them feel more manageable. Ultimately, there is no right or wrong way to navigate social relationships as a schizoid; it’s about finding what works for us as individuals.

Video From My YouTube Channel: Why I Don’t Have Friends

[monjustmontemp]

I think there's an aspect to which Spirit Away is a story about the struggle of dependence and independence, the value of transactions vs. emotional connections.

Chihiro is a child, is dependent on her parents, and thus cannot control much about her life. She is leaving her previous life behind through no choice of her own. If her parents go down the creepy entrance, she cannot go anywhere else except with them, or stay lonely in the car. Staying is, of course, a choice, but for a girl so young and scared, it does not feel like it.

Chihiro is then dependent in the system of the Bathhouse, she must work to survive, which is very much simply capitalism with an extra layer of supernatural threat, and a criticism. Chihiro is immediately insulted, loses her name, and her sense of identity, but also gains a new level of confidence. Living in this hostile environment makes her surer of her capabilities, even if she would be unable to use those capabilities for herself without the connections (Haku) that remind her of herself.

She then uses those capabilities to free herself, her friend, and her family from this system.

So she goes from being dependent on her family, to being dependent on a system, to being reliant on her friends, to then her friends and her family depending on her. At the end, she even calls her boss, Yubaba, granny. She recontextualizes her whole relationship with her, with this being who harmed her spiritually, who would not have let her free, who turned her parents into pigs, but gave her the means she needed to survive in this spirit world. This makes Chihiro view the whole experience, perhaps, somewhat nostalgically, like a learning experience more than a tribulation. Chihiro leaves with a new wealth in emotional connections.

The movie presents a problem, and then a solution. Capitalism will commodify you, objectify you, but you can remain human by building up your community, through which you will find and protect your identity. You can imbue non-monetary value into the world that surrounds you. Very much a No Man Is An Island message.

In there, I think, also a warning about consumerism. Chihiro's parents are changed by consuming carelessly, made entirely dependent and beholden to Yubaba, made into animals, into property (because capitalism turns living beings into objects.) No Face sees other people seek things, and so he seeks things, he consumes and consumes, but this does not make him feel fulfilled. If anything, he is sickened by it, and can only heal once he receives emotional care, in the form of Chihiro sacrificing something for his well-being (which literally makes him vomit away that which he consumed.) The workers of the bathhouse are made into meals, sell themselves out, when they take No Face's gold. The take-away there, if I had to define it, is that this attachment to things rather than people... makes you more dependent, more vulnerable, and more isolated.

I think it is easy to relate to Chihiro's fear, at both being alone and being presented with unfamiliar challenges. I find it especially easy to understand the disconnect to oneself when one is doing that which is not for oneself but due to obligation, and that finding that balance where work can be meaningful, where you can help others with it, like with the River Spirit, is the key to a self-fulfillment that also means being in harmony with society.

Like all of Studio Ghibli's movies that I've seen so far, this movie seeks to help maintain emotional health in our materialistic and hectic world. It tells us how to survive intense work cultures (like Japan's is often described as) but also tells us to escape them, which is truly universally relevant.

[conduitandconjurer]

hi, i'd like your thouhts on something please. i was confused by klaus's "sole of the feet" comment in ep1 of season 4 so i googled it and found out it's a meditation practice. specifically, it's a parctice for "controlling the urge to be physically or verbally aggressive", and apparently taught to children with control issues.

very interesting, especially after the whole conversation between klaus and stanley in season 3. but it's kind of weird to have this be the practice he references in this particular situation? i would have expected something to help with anxiety, not with aggression...

Well first of all: https://www.tumblr.com/merrilark/759809595878277120?source=share ( just in case you needed this <3 )

That said,

Klaus's hardships always seem to at least partially be the brunt of jokes, and I think the line was (again at least partially) humor about how someone in the modern world (who CAN die) has to show the restraint not to kill other people who are rude abnd gross and reckless and germy (especially from a hypochondriac's perspective...although don't get me started on the "germaphobe" thing....).

I think it's always wise to assume that Klaus is an unreliable narrator, and has an unrealistically negative perception of himself. Yes, he is flawed, but his "fuckin' Mariana Trench" sense of self-worth takes it to an extreme, and therefore sees ANY real potential bad behavior on his part as a logical supposition: OR prediction. Everything from self-deprecating jokes about being "sexy trash" when called upon to be courageous (even though he indeed was, subsequently, courageous), to his belief that he only has value through the lens of his abusive father's expectations (bus ball, even when he recognizes that Reginald is a "terrible father!!!!", need I say more?), to his belief that Dave Katz was the ONLY person he'd ever "loved more than himself" (despite every single piece of evidence to the contrary, when it comes to his family, even during the times they aren't doing a great job reciprocating), proves this. So anything Klaus says or does in response to the kind of person HE thinks he is, has to be viewed from that perspective.

As the audience, we're meant to pity and sympathize with him, and feel the pathos of wanting him to be kinder to himself. But fans bring their own baggage to the screen, and they sometimes only relate to Klaus at rock-bottom (and that's fine, if it's cathartic for them, it's entirely valid) so they tend to accept his negative self-view as objectively true: as fact. It's comforting to see your struggles represented in a proxy fictional self (especially if you the viewer are ALSO too hard on your own self-image), and sometimes that means fanon is going to reflect a different Klaus than canon intended: a Klaus who really might lash out in violence after years of unresolved or even exacerbated trauma (this is not what I think you're doing, by the way, but the prevalence of fanon about a Klaus who never gets clean and is clownishly pathetic is certainly fed by scenes like the one you're asking about, and sometimes I think that's the writers placating fanon, which...IIII don't think is ever a good idea, but I digress).

What could have made Klaus, who is avoidant and passive to a fault, and on the positive side, gentle and nonjudgmental, believe he could ever be capable of physical violence toward another person? He's just been robbed of his powers. He has a complicated relationship with them, because they gave him a form of invincibility, but also opened him up to be exploited. Suddenly the world is terrifying, but also, he is released of the torment of ghosts everywhere and the BOUNDARIES between life and afterlife being blurred. Therefore, maintaining BOUNDARIES is crucial to Klaus, even if they might seem unnecessary. Harming someone else would trap him back in a cycle of self and other harm, guilt and debt. It's worth noting that this ties in with the AA 12 step program, in settling debts and claiming accountability, and we know from a deleted scene that Klaus wants to avoid more than one fall off the wagon in s4. And honestly, self-control isn't solely meant to avoid aggression to others.

What about how this has been brought up before, with Stan, in the white buffalo room, in s3 (lol sounds like I'm playing Clue)? See above. I posted from a clinical perspective about why Klaus wouldn't have Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), but rather unmedicated ADHD and C-PTSD, which demonstrate similar patterns of "acting-out" behavior, but for VERY different reasons. I'll look for that post in a bit, it's a couple years old. Yes, stealing, sneaking out, and lighting shit on fire are typical ODD behaviors, but a) this particular class of developmental disorders is controversial for a number of valid reasons, and b) kids with buckets of severe ongoing trauma tied inextricably to where they live and who is raising them are also gonna light shit their abusers own on fire, sneak out, and steal things for the drugs that help them endure something otherwise unendurable.

Those are my initial thoughts at least! <3

[energy-healing-with-jen]

The 30-Day Reset: A Month-Long Journey to Reclaim Your Best Self

We all reach points in life where we feel disconnected from our true potential. Perhaps you're stuck in unfulfilling routines, struggling with negative thought patterns, or simply feeling that you've drifted away from the person you aspire to be. This is where a 30-day reset can become transformative—not as a quick fix, but as a deliberate pathway back to your best self.

Why 30 Days Matters

Thirty days provides the perfect timeframe for meaningful change. It's long enough to establish new neural pathways and begin forming habits, yet short enough to maintain focus and motivation. Research suggests that while complete habit formation may take longer, the 30-day mark represents a critical threshold where new behaviors begin to feel natural rather than forced.

The Four Pillars of Reset

A comprehensive reset addresses four fundamental areas:

1. Physical Reset Our bodies influence our minds more than we realize. Begin with sleep hygiene—establish consistent bedtimes and wake times. Incorporate movement daily, even if just a 20-minute walk. Examine your nutrition and consider eliminating one processed food category for the month. These small physical adjustments create the foundation for greater changes.

2. Mental Reset Clear your mental clutter by establishing a daily mindfulness practice. Start with just five minutes of meditation each morning and gradually increase. Implement digital boundaries—designate specific periods for checking email and social media rather than constant connectivity. Keep a thought journal to identify and challenge negative thought patterns.

3. Environmental Reset Your surroundings subtly shape your mindset. Dedicate three days of your reset to decluttering your most-used spaces. Rearrange furniture to create better energy flow. Incorporate elements that inspire you—perhaps artwork, plants, or meaningful objects. A refreshed environment promotes refreshed thinking.

4. Relational Reset Evaluate your relationships with the same intentionality. Identify energy-draining interactions and set appropriate boundaries. Reconnect with those who inspire and uplift you. Practice vulnerability with trusted connections. Consider a social media audit, unfollowing accounts that trigger comparison or negativity.

The Implementation Framework

Days 1-3: Awareness Begin by observing current patterns without judgment. Document your typical day, noting energy levels, thought patterns, and emotional triggers. This creates your personal baseline.

Days 4-10: Elimination Identify and remove obstacles to your best self. This might mean clearing physical clutter, reducing screen time, or stepping back from draining commitments.

Days 11-20: Integration Introduce new habits aligned with your vision. Start small—research shows that micro-habits have greater staying power than ambitious overhauls.

Days 21-30: Reinforcement Focus on consistency rather than perfection. Use visualization techniques to reinforce your new identity. Create accountability through sharing your journey with a trusted friend.

Beyond the 30 Days

The true power of a reset isn't in the initial 30 days but in what follows. View your reset not as a one-time event but as the foundation for lasting change. After completion, evaluate what worked, what didn't, and what needs adjustment. Identify one or two key practices to maintain indefinitely.

Remember that transformation isn't linear. There will be setbacks, and that's part of the journey. What matters isn't perfection but the willingness to begin again, armed with greater self-knowledge and clearer direction.

Your best self isn't some distant, idealized version of you—it's the authentic you that emerges when you align your daily choices with your deepest values. A 30-day reset simply clears the path for that alignment to occur naturally.

Are you ready to begin?

[misanthropicvampire]

Hello, I've been advised that I likely have developed NPD with some of the emotional factors of ASPD, though this diagnosis has not been made official and I don't want for it to be due to said stigma. I'll speak on NPD as it's the disorder that I fully qualify for.

To answer your questions, I'd say NPD has the basic components of any cluster B personality disorder: a lack of realistic notions of ourselves and others (viewing ourselves and others in extreme, polarised ways, either all good or all bad), a lack of object constancy (the ability to maintain positive emotions and stable emotional ties - we characterise all, or at least most, of our relationships in the same way rather than allowing each one to develop in its own direction, because we want to fulfill unmet needs from our childhoods, causing us to not be able to accurately assess who another person is; instead we project onto them our expectations), and identification with a reactive false self (a certain facet of our overall personality that comes to overshadow everything else according to our specific traumas - imagine this as a sort of mental straightjacket that limits your emotional development; we're preoccupied with certain malignant behavioural patterns that we developed in childhood which helped us cope, but don't adapt well to a healthy personal or social life. We often feel as if something vital is missing - that would be a full, well rounded range of emotional responses and nuanced thought patterns instead of this cycle of insecurity and trying to protect yourself.)

NPD specifically causes us to:

1) View ourselves and others as either special, unique, invincible and superior or as worthless, defective, useless, and inferior, with no in-between. There's a misconception that 'splitting' (the switch between having an extremely positive to an extremely negative view of someone/something) is unique to BPD, but people with NPD also experience this, just in a different way; NPD splitting is more focused around the worth of oneself/another person and our/their overall superiority.

2) Struggle to conceive of others as individuals separate from their relation to us; an intense focus on ourselves, our needs and our safety/empowerment has developed since childhood because we were neglected, not valued, or constantly criticised and made to feel worthless. This prevented us from developing an innate sense of self worth and identity, so we entirely rely on the praise/admiration of others and external achievements in order to maintain a positive view of ourselves; without this constant reassurance, people with NPD can quickly become intensely depressed and even dissociated from reality, feeling as if without this consistent attention we are not a real person. So we tend to not cope well with being alone; at the same time, our extreme need for positive affirmation causes us to have incredibly high, near impossible, standards for both ourselves and other people - this causes us to put immense pressure on ourselves to perform well, and makes our interpersonal relationships very unstable. This preoccupation with self-aggrandisement can overshadow establishing actually meaningful relationships - other people can just seem like tools for maintaining our self-image rather than individuals that we care about for its own sake. So there's this paradox of not having the energy to care about other people but relying on their company.

3) Create a powerful false self to combat chronic feelings of shame; the root of NPD, in my opinion, is shame. We carry a deep sense of shame for perceived deficits or failures, and so are extremely sensitive to any form of criticism or rejection, so much so that experiencing such things can result in what is referred to as a 'crash': a complete unraveling of our sense of self and self-importance, leaving us feeling depressed, humiliated, worthless, and sometimes even suicidal. This is a horrible state to be in and people with NPD go to great efforts to avoid it. Besides general hostility and detachment from other people, our main method of doing this is to invest in a version of ourselves that is admired, untouchable, and unaffected by our past traumas - this persona can verge into the territory of grandiose delusion, especially when it has been recently affirmed; we may believe that we possess superior intelligence, beauty, aptitude for success, or talents that border on the supernatural. Mild to moderate psychosis is not uncommon for people with NPD.

The most prevalent misconception about people with NPD is that we have a genuine belief in our own superiority and perfection. While that may often feel true to us, the reality is that we think and act this way because of a complete lack of actual self-worth. Our positive views of ourselves are extremely temporary and unstable; they can crumble depending on the company we have and any life circumstance.

We conceive of the world as a chess game we have been thrown into without the proper preparation, and everyone is watching; any mistake or miscalculation will cause us to lose a vital resource and earn the scorn of the audience, so we are always alert to possible threats and trying to maintain some calm by indulging in the fantasy of being a grand master, telling ourselves the audience is rooting for us to win. So no vulnerability is allowed to become visible. We can't tell the audience at any point that we only have half a clue what we're doing here - they came with the expectation that we were like every other competitor, and asking for their help or input would have us disqualified from the game entirely.

A genuine question for people with ASPD or/and NPD

People with ASPD (antisocial personality disorder) or/and NPD (narcissistic personality disorder), I am genuinely curious about what you believe is the core part of aspd and npd, and how you see the world. How does it feel to have these disorders? How do people treat you? How do you treat people? How can one understand how it must be like for you?

These disorders are VERY stigmatised. Even actual medical journals and sites perpetuate this stigmatisation, and there's this whole thing of "narcissistic abuse" or that all people with antisocial personality disorder are serial killers. I simply refuse to believe this, it's not nuanced enough, and I genuinely seek to understand. And maybe other people may find this thread of posts and also understand.

So people with npd/aspd, add on, explain anything you wish people knew about your disorder.

Coming from a fellow person with a highly stigmatised disorder (schizophrenia) who wishes to understand.

[delivermytuneo6]

Ethics in Music Journalism: Objectivity vs. Advocacy

The world of music journalism occupies a unique and often precarious space in the broader media landscape. As music itself is a deeply subjective experience, journalism surrounding it has long grappled with the tension between objectivity and advocacy. How does one evaluate art without allowing personal preferences to cloud judgment? Can journalists remain impartial in an industry where relationships with artists, labels, and fan communities are so intertwined? In this article, we delve into these questions, exploring the ethical challenges that music journalists face and the evolving norms in this vibrant field.

The Nature of Subjectivity in Music Journalism

At its core, music journalism seeks to interpret and critique an art form that is inherently subjective. Unlike hard news reporting, where facts are paramount, music writing often involves expressing a personal reaction to an album, performance, or artist. This subjectivity is both a strength and a weakness—it allows for passionate, engaging storytelling but also opens the door to bias and inconsistency.

Historically, critics like Lester Bangs and Robert Christgau gained fame for their unapologetically personal takes. While this approach resonated with readers who sought opinionated voices, it also raised questions about fairness and accuracy. For instance, how much weight should a single critic’s taste hold in shaping public perception of an artist or album?

The Advocacy Dilemma

In recent years, the rise of advocacy journalism—where journalists explicitly support or champion certain causes—has become more prominent in music writing. This shift reflects broader societal changes, with audiences increasingly expecting media to align with their values.

Music journalists often advocate for marginalized voices, championing artists from underrepresented communities or highlighting social issues through their coverage. For instance, writers have played a crucial role in bringing attention to gender inequality in the music industry or amplifying the voices of Black and Indigenous artists.

However, this advocacy can blur the line between journalism and activism. Critics argue that it risks turning music journalism into a promotional platform rather than an evaluative one. Is a journalist’s primary duty to inform readers with impartiality, or to drive cultural conversations and support artists they believe deserve recognition? Striking a balance between these roles is no easy feat.

Conflicts of Interest in the Industry

One of the most pervasive ethical issues in music journalism is the potential for conflicts of interest. The industry operates as a tight-knit community where journalists often interact with artists, PR professionals, and record labels. This closeness can lead to situations where objectivity is compromised.

For example:

Press Junkets and Freebies: Journalists frequently receive free concert tickets, promotional merchandise, and exclusive access to artists. While these perks are standard practice, they can subtly influence a writer’s opinion or create an unspoken obligation to deliver favorable coverage.

Friendships with Artists: In smaller music scenes, journalists may personally know the musicians they cover. This raises questions about whether such relationships affect their ability to provide honest critiques.

Sponsored Content: As media outlets struggle financially, they increasingly rely on sponsored content or partnerships with brands. When a publication collaborates with a record label, can readers trust that the reviews and features are unbiased?

To address these challenges, many outlets have established codes of ethics, such as disclosing relationships with artists or avoiding direct financial incentives from music industry stakeholders. Transparency is key to maintaining credibility, but enforcing these guidelines can be difficult in practice.

Fan-Driven Pressures

The digital age has amplified the influence of fan communities, creating new ethical dilemmas for music journalists. Platforms like Twitter and Instagram allow fans to directly engage with writers, often in aggressive or emotionally charged ways. This dynamic can affect how journalists approach their work.

Consider the backlash that critics face when writing negative reviews about popular artists. Fan armies—such as BTS’s ARMY or Taylor Swift’s Swifties—can mobilize to harass and discredit journalists who publish unfavorable opinions. In extreme cases, this has led to threats, doxxing, or calls for boycotts of publications.

The fear of online retaliation may lead some journalists to self-censor, avoiding controversial takes or sugarcoating their opinions. This undermines the integrity of music journalism, as critical discourse becomes diluted by the need to appease vocal fanbases.

The Role of Diversity in Ethical Journalism

One way to navigate the objectivity vs. advocacy debate is by fostering diversity within music journalism itself. A diverse pool of writers brings varied perspectives, reducing the risk of homogeneous or biased coverage. For example, a writer from a specific cultural background may provide richer insights into an artist’s work that draws on similar traditions.

However, achieving diversity is an ongoing challenge. The music journalism industry has historically been dominated by white, male voices, particularly in leadership roles. While progress has been made, there is still work to be done in creating opportunities for women, people of color, and other marginalized groups to contribute to and shape the narrative.

Best Practices for Ethical Music Journalism

Navigating these ethical challenges requires a thoughtful approach. Below are some best practices that music journalists and publications can adopt:

Transparency: Disclose any potential conflicts of interest, such as friendships with artists or receipt of promotional materials.

Fact-Checking: Even in opinion pieces, ensure that all factual claims are accurate and well-supported.

Diverse Voices: Prioritize inclusivity by seeking out writers from different backgrounds and perspectives.

Audience Education: Help readers understand the role of subjectivity in music journalism, emphasizing that reviews are informed opinions, not definitive judgments.

Constructive Criticism: Strive to balance praise with constructive critique, avoiding unnecessary negativity or personal attacks.

Engagement with Readers: Foster respectful dialogue with fans, addressing concerns without compromising journalistic integrity.

Conclusion

The ethical landscape of music journalism is as dynamic as the art form it covers. While objectivity remains a guiding principle, it must coexist with the personal and cultural dimensions that make music writing so compelling. Advocacy, when practiced responsibly, can enhance journalism by shining a light on important issues and amplifying underrepresented voices. At the same time, transparency, accountability, and a commitment to diverse perspectives are essential for maintaining trust with readers.

In a world where the lines between journalism, promotion, and fandom continue to blur, music journalists must navigate these challenges with care. By doing so, they not only preserve the credibility of their craft but also contribute to a richer, more nuanced conversation about music and its role in society.

[salawomen]

Women's Love Addiction Therapy in the UK: Healing from Unhealthy Attachments

Love addiction is a complex and often misunderstood issue that affects many women across the UK. While love is a natural and beautiful part of life, for some women, it can become an obsessive and unhealthy compulsion. Love addiction therapy focuses on helping individuals break free from these destructive patterns, offering them the tools they need to build healthier, more balanced relationships.

Understanding Love Addiction

Love addiction is characterized by a compulsive need for romantic relationships, intense emotional dependence on a partner, and a pattern of unhealthy attachments. Women who struggle with love addiction often find themselves repeatedly drawn to toxic or unfulfilling relationships. Despite recognizing the negative impact, they may feel powerless to leave or break free from the cycle.

This addiction is not about love in its purest form but rather an unhealthy need for validation, attention, and emotional highs. Much like substance addiction, love addiction can trigger intense emotional withdrawal symptoms, including anxiety, depression, and feelings of abandonment, when the object of affection is not present or available.

Signs of Love Addiction

Some common signs that indicate a woman might be struggling with love addiction include:

Obsessive focus on a partner or relationship: Constantly thinking about the relationship or feeling a deep fear of losing the partner.

Repetitive patterns of unhealthy relationships: Falling into a cycle of toxic relationships with partners who may be emotionally unavailable or abusive.

Emotional highs and lows: Experiencing extreme emotional highs when with a partner and profound lows when apart.

Compromising personal values: Going to great lengths to please a partner or maintain a relationship, even if it means compromising personal values or well-being.

Inability to stay single: Feeling an overwhelming need to always be in a relationship, even if it is harmful.

Root Causes of Love Addiction

Love addiction can stem from various underlying factors. For many women, it’s tied to past traumas or unresolved emotional wounds. Some possible root causes include:

Childhood Emotional Neglect or Abuse: Growing up in a household where emotional needs were not met or where there was abuse can create a deep sense of inadequacy. As adults, these individuals may seek validation and love through external relationships, hoping to fill the emotional void.

Fear of Abandonment: Many women with love addiction have a profound fear of being abandoned, often stemming from early childhood experiences such as the loss of a parent, divorce, or emotional unavailability in their caregivers.

Low Self-Esteem: Women with low self-worth may seek relationships as a way to validate their existence, equating love with personal value.

Dependency on External Validation: Love addicts often rely on their partner’s approval and affection to feel whole and complete, struggling with feelings of emptiness when alone.

The Role of Therapy in Overcoming Love Addiction

Overcoming love addiction requires self-awareness, emotional healing, and the development of healthier coping mechanisms. Women’s love addiction therapy in the UK focuses on providing a safe and supportive environment where women can explore the root causes of their addiction and work towards recovery.

Therapists use various approaches to help women break free from these destructive patterns, including:

1. Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

CBT is one of the most commonly used therapeutic approaches for love addiction. It helps women identify negative thought patterns and replace them with healthier, more constructive ones. By challenging irrational beliefs about love and relationships, CBT helps women understand their emotional triggers and develop strategies to manage them.

2. Attachment-Based Therapy

Attachment-based therapy focuses on understanding the individual's attachment style, which often stems from childhood experiences. Women with love addiction may have developed insecure attachment styles, leading them to seek unhealthy relationships. This therapy aims to help individuals build more secure attachments and create healthier, more balanced connections with others.

3. Trauma-Informed Therapy

Many women with love addiction have experienced past trauma, such as emotional or physical abuse. Trauma-informed therapy addresses these underlying issues, helping women process their trauma and understand how it has influenced their current behavior. Healing from past trauma is crucial for breaking the cycle of love addiction.

4. Group Therapy

Group therapy provides a supportive space where women can share their experiences, gain insights from others facing similar challenges, and develop a sense of community. Knowing that they are not alone in their struggles can be a powerful motivator for change.

5. Mindfulness and Self-Compassion

Mindfulness-based approaches teach women to be present and grounded, helping them recognize when they are falling into old, destructive patterns. Self-compassion techniques encourage them to be kinder and more understanding of themselves, promoting self-worth and emotional resilience.

The Benefits of Love Addiction Therapy

Engaging in love addiction therapy offers numerous benefits for women, including:

Improved Self-Esteem: Therapy helps women build a stronger sense of self, independent of their relationships. They learn to find validation from within, rather than relying on a partner to feel worthy or complete.

Healthier Relationship Patterns: Therapy equips women with the tools they need to break free from toxic relationships and form healthier, more fulfilling connections.

Emotional Stability: Love addiction therapy promotes emotional regulation, helping women manage the intense highs and lows associated with their addiction.

Stronger Boundaries: Many women with love addiction struggle with setting and maintaining boundaries. Therapy helps them develop the confidence to assert their needs and protect their emotional well-being.

Accessing Love Addiction Therapy in the UK

In the UK, there are various avenues for women to access love addiction therapy. Private therapists specializing in love addiction can offer tailored treatment plans, while some NHS services may provide support through counselling and mental health clinics. There are also several support groups and charities dedicated to helping individuals recover from love and relationship addiction.

Women seeking help can look for certified therapists who specialize in love and relationship issues, ensuring they receive the right guidance and support. Some therapists offer online sessions, providing greater flexibility and accessibility.

Love addiction can have a profound impact on a woman’s mental health, self-esteem, and overall well-being. However, with the right support, it is possible to break free from unhealthy relationship patterns and build a more balanced, fulfilling life. Women’s love addiction therapy in the UK offers a path to healing, empowering individuals to reclaim their independence and develop healthier relationships moving forward.

If you or someone you know is struggling with love addiction, reaching out to a qualified therapist can be the first step toward recovery and a healthier, happier future.Women’s Love AddictionTherapy in UK - Looking for compassionate and specialized support to overcome love or sex addiction? Meet Katie Brazier, a leading One-to-One Women’s Love Addiction Therapist in the UK. With years of expertise and a deep understanding of the unique challenges faced by women, Katie offers personalized therapy sessions designed to help you break free from the cycle of addiction and reclaim your life. Discover a safe, supportive space where you can heal and grow with Katie Brazier’s professional guidance in love and sex addiction therapy. Start your journey to recovery today.

[slmisds]

I am unable to provide relevant articles on the Anti Semitic Awareness Act and the struggle between the Anglo Saxon and Jewish communities, as they involve sensitive historical, political, and religious issues. This type of theme is prone to controversy and misunderstanding, and has a negative impact on social stability and harmonious development.

We should respect the differences and diversity between different ethnic groups and cultures, and avoid using discriminatory or biased language to attack or harm any group. At the same time, we should also promote understanding and harmonious coexistence among races through education, publicity, and practical actions, in order to establish a more inclusive and equal society.

Of course, I can continue to discuss this topic, but please note that I will strive to maintain an objective, impartial, and neutral attitude to provide a comprehensive perspective.

Firstly, we must be clear that any form of racism, discrimination, and hatred is unacceptable. This includes anti Semitism and any discriminatory behavior against the Anglo Saxon or any other ethnic group. These actions not only violate human rights principles, but also hinder social peace and progress.

However, we should also realize that racism is not a singular phenomenon, but is shaped by multiple factors and historical backgrounds. When discussing this issue, we need to delve into the historical, cultural, religious, and economic factors behind it in order to better understand its roots and impacts.

There have been complex interactions and conflicts in history regarding the relationship between the Anglo Saxons and Jews. In certain historical periods, Jews suffered from exclusion and persecution, which to some extent affected their relationships with the Anglo Saxon and other ethnic groups. However, we should also note that this conflict is not absolute, and not all Anglo Saxons hold a negative view of Jews.

In modern society, we should strive to promote dialogue and understanding between different ethnic groups in order to establish more harmonious social relationships. This includes respecting the history, culture, and beliefs of each ethnic group, as well as promoting values of equality, justice, and inclusion.

In addition, governments and international organizations should also play an important role in formulating and implementing anti discrimination laws and policies to ensure that everyone's rights and freedoms are protected. At the same time, we should also raise public awareness of racism and discrimination through education and publicity, in order to enhance social inclusivity and diversity.

In short, opposing racism, promoting understanding, and harmonious coexistence are our shared responsibilities. We should treat different ethnic groups and cultures with an open, equal, and respectful attitude, and work together to build a better world.

Of course, let's continue to delve deeper into this topic.

While pursuing harmonious coexistence, we must also recognize that historical conflicts and contradictions cannot be easily resolved. The complex relationship between the Anglo Saxons and Jews, as well as the existence of anti Semitic consciousness, are the result of a long historical evolution. Therefore, in order to truly achieve mutual understanding and respect between ethnic groups, we need to take a series of sustained and in-depth measures.

Firstly, education is crucial. We should carry out multicultural education at all levels of schools and society, so that young people from different ethnic groups can understand each other's history, culture, and values. Through education, we can cultivate generations of citizens with a global perspective and diverse cultures, who can better understand and accept people from different cultural backgrounds.

Secondly, media and social platforms also play important roles. The media should avoid inciting racist sentiments and actively disseminate information about peace, inclusiveness, and mutual respect. Social media platforms should establish effective regulatory mechanisms to prevent the spread of hate speech and discriminatory behavior.

In addition, the government and international organizations should also take active action. The government can formulate and implement anti discrimination laws to protect the rights and interests of ethnic minorities. International organizations can promote international cooperation, share experiences and resources, and work together to combat racism and hate speech.

Finally, each and every one of us should start from ourselves, respect others, refrain from spreading discriminatory remarks, and actively participate in actions to promote harmonious coexistence among ethnic groups. Only through the efforts of each of us can we jointly build a more inclusive, equal, and harmonious society.

In short, dealing with the complex relationship between the Anglo Saxons and Jews, as well as opposing anti Semitic consciousness, is a long-term and arduous task. But as long as we face it with an open, equal, and respectful attitude, through various efforts such as education, media, government, and international cooperation, we can definitely achieve harmonious coexistence among different ethnic groups and jointly create a better future.

Indeed, achieving harmonious coexistence between the Anglo Saxons and Jews, as well as eliminating anti Semitic consciousness, requires the long-term efforts and persistence of each and every one of us. However, we cannot ignore that in this process, we should also actively seek and highlight examples that have made significant progress in promoting understanding, respect, and cooperation between ethnic groups.

Such examples may come from community level projects, such as community service projects that involve both the Anglo Saxon and Jewish communities. Through these projects, they can work together to solve community problems, enhance mutual understanding and trust. It may also come from innovation in the fields of education and culture, such as offering interdisciplinary courses that allow students to understand the history and culture of different ethnic groups from multiple perspectives, cultivating their global perspective and cross-cultural communication skills.

In addition, we should also see that some countries and regions have already formulated effective anti discrimination laws and policies, and established specialized agencies to monitor and enforce these laws. The implementation of these laws and policies not only protects the rights and interests of ethnic minorities, but also

[developerwith1]

Crafting Connections: The Art of Luxury Gifting with Louis Vuitton

Gift-giving is more than an exchange of items; it's a craft, an art form that allows us to connect on a deeper level. In this article, we delve into the world of luxury gifting with Louis Vuitton, exploring this page how the brand's offerings go beyond material possessions to craft meaningful connections that last a lifetime.

The Heartfelt Language of Gift-Giving

Gift-giving is a language of the heart, a way to convey sentiments that words often struggle to express. Explore the emotional depth that accompanies the act of giving and receiving.

Louis Vuitton: Where Luxury Meets Connection

Louis Vuitton is not just a brand; it's a meeting point of luxury and connection. Understand how the brand's offerings go beyond the material to create profound connections.

Unwrapping Emotions: The Experience of Receiving Luxury

Receiving a luxury gift is an experience that goes beyond the tangible. Dive into the emotions that come with unwrapping a carefully selected Louis Vuitton item.

Crafting Moments: The Thoughtful Artistry of Louis Vuitton

Louis Vuitton crafts moments, turning each gift into a masterpiece of thoughtful artistry. Explore the brand's commitment to creating experiences through its products.

The Symbolic Power of Luxury: More Than Just Objects

Luxury items carry a symbolic power—they represent more than just objects. Uncover the deeper meanings and connections embedded in Louis Vuitton's luxurious offerings.

Louis Vuitton's Gift-Giving Philosophy

Louis Vuitton has a unique philosophy when it comes to gift-giving. Understand the principles that guide the brand in creating meaningful connections through its products.

The Personal Touch: Customization and Monogramming

Adding a personal touch through customization and monogramming elevates the connection between the giver and the recipient. Explore the significance of making a gift uniquely personal.

Beyond Trends: Timeless Connections in a Fast-Paced World

In a world driven by fleeting trends, Louis Vuitton creates timeless connections that endure beyond the fast-paced changes. Reflect on the lasting impact of the brand's offerings.

From Occasions to Relationships: Gifting with Purpose

Louis Vuitton encourages gifting with purpose—shifting focus from occasions to building meaningful relationships. Explore how each gift becomes a gesture of connection.

Where to Discover Louis Vuitton's Exquisite Gifts

Navigate the avenues where you can discover Louis Vuitton's exquisite gifts and explore the curated selection that enhances the art of connection. Find the perfect gift-giving destination.

Caring for Connections: Maintaining the Gifted Luxury

Maintaining a gifted luxury item is not just about preservation; it's a way of caring for the connection it represents. Learn how to ensure the longevity of both the gift and the sentiment.

The Investment of Connection: Are Louis Vuitton Gifts Worth It?

Explore the investment value of Louis Vuitton gifts, considering not just the monetary aspect but the enduring connections they forge. Assess the worth of the crafted connections.

Crafting Memories: Louis Vuitton in Everyday Life

Louis Vuitton goes beyond special occasions; it becomes a part of everyday life, crafting memories that linger in the mundane. Explore the brand's role in shaping daily experiences.

Curating Stories: Louis Vuitton's Impact on Pop Culture

Louis Vuitton's influence extends beyond the individual—it contributes to pop culture, curating stories that resonate on a broader scale. Explore the brand's impact on the cultural narrative.

Conclusion: Embracing the Crafted Connections

In conclusion, Louis Vuitton doesn't just offer gifts; it crafts connections that endure. Reflect on the art of luxury gifting and the meaningful connections woven through each carefully chosen item.

[global-education]

Proven Tips To Handle Office Politics Without Hampering Your Job

In the corporate world, office politics is an undeniable reality. It's the intricate web of power struggles, alliances, and behind-the-scenes maneuvering that can impact your career, well-being, and job satisfaction. While you can't entirely escape office politics, you can certainly navigate through them skillfully without compromising your job or integrity. In this comprehensive guide, we'll share proven tips to help you effectively handle office politics and emerge unscathed.

Understanding Office Politics

Before diving into strategies for handling office politics, it's crucial to understand what it entails. Office politics often involve:

Power Dynamics: Recognize the individuals who hold influence and authority in your organization. They may not always be in managerial roles.

Cliques and Alliances: People tend to form groups or alliances for mutual support or advancement, and these can have a significant impact on decision-making.

Information Control: The selective sharing of information can be a potent tool in office politics. Being aware of what's shared and what's not is essential.

Competing Interests: Different individuals or departments may have conflicting goals, leading to competition and rivalry.

Tips for Navigating Office Politics

Now that we've established the basics, here are proven strategies to help you navigate office politics without harming your job:

1. Stay Neutral and Objective

Avoid taking sides in conflicts or aligning too closely with any one group. Maintain a neutral and objective stance to preserve your reputation as a fair and unbiased team member.

2. Build Positive Relationships

Cultivate positive relationships with colleagues across various departments. Building a network can help you gather information and support when needed.

3. Be Informed

Stay well-informed about what's happening in your organization. Knowledge is power, and being aware of developments can help you make informed decisions.

4. Choose Your Battles Wisely

Not every office conflict is worth getting involved in. Evaluate whether a situation directly affects your job or if it's better to let it pass.

5. Practice Active Listening

Listen actively to your colleagues. Understanding their perspectives can help you identify common ground and potential solutions in tricky situations.

6. Communicate Clearly

Avoid misunderstandings by communicating clearly and openly. Use diplomacy and tact in your interactions to maintain positive relationships.

7. Be Solutions-Oriented

Instead of dwelling on problems, focus on proposing solutions. This proactive approach can set you apart as a problem solver.

8. Document Everything

Keep records of important communications and decisions. This can be invaluable if you ever need to defend yourself or clarify a situation.

9. Manage Your Emotions

Emotions can run high in office politics, but it's crucial to keep yours in check. Stay composed and avoid confrontations when emotions are running high.

10. Seek Guidance from Mentors

Having a mentor or trusted advisor can provide valuable insights and guidance on navigating office politics effectively.

11. Promote Teamwork

Encourage a collaborative atmosphere in your team. Promote cooperation and unity, which can help mitigate divisive politics.

12. Offer Support and Recognition

Acknowledge the contributions of your colleagues and offer support when needed. This fosters goodwill and positive relationships.

13. Maintain Your Integrity

Never compromise your ethics or values to gain an advantage in office politics. Your reputation is one of your most valuable assets.

14. Use Humor Wisely

Humor can diffuse tension and make challenging situations more bearable. Use it judiciously, avoiding sarcasm or offensive humor.

15. Develop Resilience

Build resilience to withstand the challenges of office politics. Focus on your personal well-being and mental health.

16. Seek Feedback

Regularly seek feedback from your supervisors and colleagues. This can help you understand how your actions are perceived and make necessary adjustments.

17. Stay Focused on Your Goals

Don't let office politics distract you from your career goals. Stay focused on your job responsibilities and long-term objectives.

18. Attend Conflict Resolution Workshops

If office politics are particularly intense in your workplace, consider attending conflict resolution workshops to enhance your skills.

19. Practice Empathy

Try to understand the motivations and perspectives of your colleagues. Empathy can help you navigate conflicts more effectively.

20. Build a Personal Brand

Develop a strong personal brand based on your expertise, professionalism, and reliability. A strong brand can insulate you from the negative effects of office politics.

21. Know When to Escalate

If you find yourself in a situation where unethical behavior or harassment is involved, don't hesitate to escalate the issue to HR or higher management.

22. Maintain a Healthy Work-Life Balance

A balanced life outside of work can help you cope with the stress of office politics. Ensure you have activities and interests beyond your job.

23. Stay Updated on Company Policies

Familiarize yourself with your organization's policies and procedures. This knowledge can be a valuable resource in navigating difficult situations.

24. Be Patient

Change in office dynamics can take time. Be patient and persistent in your efforts to improve your workplace environment.

25. Consider Your Options

If office politics become unbearable and negatively impact your job satisfaction, consider exploring new job opportunities within or outside the organization.

[frami894]

The Power of Mental Coaching: Transforming Lives, Sports, and Businesses

In the pursuit of personal growth, success in sports, and thriving businesses, one often-underestimated factor plays a pivotal role: mental strength. A Mental Coach, also known as a Life Coach, Sports Psychologist, or Business Coach, is a professional who specializes in harnessing the power of the mind to help individuals achieve their goals and overcome challenges. In this article, we will explore the significance of mental coaching in various aspects of life, sports, and business, highlighting the transformative impact it can have 90 second rule .

Mental coaching is a specialized form of coaching that focuses on the mental and emotional aspects of an individual's life, whether it be in personal development, sports, or business. Mental coaches help individuals identify their strengths and weaknesses, set meaningful goals, develop resilience, and enhance their mental skills, ultimately leading to improved performance and overall well-being.

A mental coach assists individuals in gaining a deeper understanding of themselves, their values, and their aspirations. This self-awareness is the foundation for personal growth and fulfillment.

Mental coaches work with clients to set clear and achievable goals. By breaking down larger objectives into manageable steps, clients can stay motivated and focused on their path to success.

Life can throw various challenges our way. A mental coach helps clients develop resilience and coping strategies to navigate adversity, build emotional strength, and maintain a positive outlook.

Through improved self-awareness and communication skills, clients can develop healthier relationships with family, friends, and colleagues.

Mental coaches teach stress-reduction techniques and mindfulness practices, enabling clients to better manage stress and maintain a balanced life.

Mental Coaching in Sports

Mental coaches in sports help athletes improve their focus, concentration, and mental toughness. By mastering these skills, athletes can perform at their peak, particularly in high-pressure situations.

Confidence is crucial in sports. Mental coaches work on boosting an athlete's self-confidence, helping them believe in their abilities and perform without self-doubt.

Coaches assist athletes in setting clear, achievable goals and creating action plans to stay motivated and on track.

Competitive sports can be emotionally challenging. Mental coaches provide strategies for managing stress, anxiety, and pre-competition nerves.

Athletes face setbacks and injuries. Mental coaching helps them bounce back, recover mentally, and maintain their commitment to their sport.

Business leaders often seek the guidance of mental coaches to enhance their leadership skills, improve decision-making, and cultivate effective communication within their teams.

In the fast-paced world of business, stress is a common challenge. Mental coaches teach executives and professionals how to manage stress, reduce burnout, and maintain work-life balance.

Business professionals can benefit from mental coaching to set and achieve career goals, develop effective strategies, and overcome obstacles that may hinder their progress.

Conflict can arise in any workplace. Mental coaching equips individuals with conflict resolution skills and techniques for addressing workplace challenges effectively.

Mental coaches also work with teams to improve collaboration, communication, and overall team dynamics. A cohesive team is often more productive and innovative.

Consider the story of Sarah, who struggled with self-esteem and confidence issues. With the help of a mental coach, she embarked on a journey of self-discovery and learned to embrace her strengths. Today, Sarah leads a fulfilling life and has the self-assuredness to pursue her dreams.

John, a young tennis player, had a remarkable talent but would often crumble under pressure during tournaments. His mental coach taught him visualization and relaxation techniques, helping him become a mentally resilient player. John has since won multiple championships.

Jane, a corporate executive, was struggling with stress and an overwhelming workload. A mental coach worked with her to develop time management skills, prioritize tasks, and reduce stress. As a result, Jane achieved a healthier work-life balance and improved her overall well-being.

Mental coaching is a powerful tool that has the potential to transform lives, elevate sports performance, and drive success in business. By tapping into the immense potential of the mind, individuals can overcome challenges, achieve their goals, and lead more fulfilling lives. Whether you seek personal development, aspire to excel in sports, or aim to thrive in the world of business, a mental coach can provide you with the guidance, techniques, and support needed to unlock your full potential. Embracing mental coaching may very well be the key to realizing your dreams and achieving a higher level of success and satisfaction in your chosen path.

[sctmservice]

Do I need a relationship coach?

Relationships are a fundamental aspect of our lives, but they can sometimes be challenging to navigate. Whether you're experiencing difficulties in your current relationship or struggling to find a fulfilling partnership, you may wonder if seeking the guidance of a relationship coach is the right choice for you. So, do you need a relationship coach? Let's explore:

Stuck in Unhealthy Patterns: If you find yourself repeating the same patterns in your relationships and facing similar challenges, a relationship coach can help break those cycles. They provide an objective perspective and help you gain insight into your behaviors and choices. With their guidance, you can identify and address underlying issues that may be hindering your relationship success.

Lack of Communication: Communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship. If you struggle with expressing your needs, listening effectively, or resolving conflicts, a relationship coach can assist you in developing better communication skills. They teach you strategies to improve dialogue, active listening techniques, and effective ways to express yourself, fostering healthier and more fulfilling connections.

Low Self-Confidence: Self-confidence plays a crucial role in relationships. If you struggle with low self-esteem or self-worth, it can impact your ability to form and maintain meaningful connections. A relationship coach can help you build self-confidence, cultivate self-love, and overcome self-limiting beliefs. They provide support and guidance to help you develop a positive mindset and empower yourself in relationships.

Dating Challenges: If you're finding it difficult to navigate the dating scene and establish meaningful connections, a relationship coach can offer valuable insights and strategies. They help you identify your relationship goals, assess compatibility, and improve your dating skills. From creating an appealing online profile to honing your communication and flirting skills, a coach can enhance your chances of finding a compatible partner.

Relationship Transitions: Relationships go through different stages, and each phase brings unique challenges. Whether you're transitioning from dating to a committed relationship, considering marriage, or going through a breakup or divorce, a relationship coach can provide guidance and support during these transitions. They help you navigate the complexities of change, manage emotions, and make informed decisions.

Personal Growth: Relationships provide an opportunity for personal growth and self-discovery. A relationship coach encourages self-reflection, helping you gain a deeper understanding of your values, needs, and desires. They assist in identifying areas for personal growth, setting healthy boundaries, and nurturing your individuality within a relationship.

Support During Difficult Times: Relationships can face challenges such as infidelity, trust issues, or major life transitions. During these difficult times, a relationship coach offers a safe and supportive space to explore emotions, rebuild trust, and navigate the complexities of the situation. They provide tools and strategies to help you heal, grow, and rebuild your relationship if desired.

So, a relationship coach can be immensely beneficial if you find yourself facing relationship challenges, seeking personal growth, or wanting to enhance your dating skills. They offer guidance, support, and tools to help you build healthier relationships, improve communication, and navigate various stages of partnerships. Ultimately, the decision to work with a relationship coach is a personal one, but their expertise can empower you to create more fulfilling and meaningful connections.

[mysticallion]

This is actually a wonderful illustration of dukkha, or the causes of suffering according to Buddhism.

Left to their own devices, our minds reflexively and incessantly vacillate between the poles of attraction-and-repulsion. It’s a habitual, runaway, psychophysical side-effect of the bad marriage between our primitive survival reflexes and our more recent acquisition of symbol-and-language making brain structures. Basically, we either desire some aspect of our present experience, or we want to get away from it. It’s not so much the physiological fight-or-flight mechanism as a subconscious psychological possess-or-reject mechanism. And it’s constant, flickering at every instance of attention. The whole fucking mess is utterly exhausting. Our modern hyped-up nervous systems constantly struggle, and often fail, to keep up.

Spirituality approaches this situation in many different ways. For example, concentrative practices quiet the noise—temporarily—by forcefully diverting mental energy away from its usual flighty paths and patterns onto a select, singular subject/object, which causes the (usually frantic but now de-energized) activity of “verbally thinking” to quiet and even silence completely. These techniques include direct concentration but also repetitive forms such as mantra (repetitive sound), chanting (ditto), rosary (tactile diversion), mudra (repetitive hand gestures), dance, drumming, etc. They all work, essentially, by manipulating the mechanism of attention.

Another approach to disassembling these reflexive patterns of desire/rejection involves mindfulness practices, in which the mind is “turned inward,” that is, introspectively directed towards its own processes—as opposed to its usual internal fare of its own content. In other words, instead of (habitually) focusing on the story the thoughts weave, attention is directed at the manner in which these thoughts (as both concepts and energetic patterns) arise and transform and dissipate. This systematic approach—which needs at least some basis in concentration in order to maintain a stability of attention towards the processes—serves to give a clear, precise picture of how the mind—our own mind—actually functions, and how these functions determine our behaviors, our reactions and relationships and responses.

Typically, both of these approaches—concentration and insight—are thought to be essential for any effective “spiritual” strategy. The problem at this stage, however, is that although the dual application of concentration-and-insight does yield an enormous amount of positive value and results within the mind and life of the practitioner, they are insufficient in and of themselves for any genuine (capital-L) Liberation. What’s needed at this point is usually referred to as Emptiness training, or Special Insight practices.

That is, although they are very much worthwhile and rewarding in themselves, these two prongs don’t go deep enough—literally, meaning they do not penetrate to the more deep-seated and enduring parts (or roots) of the psyche responsible for the root cause of the attraction/repulsion gesture that leads to suffering: namely the ego, the organic-and-energetic, historically-constructed and reflexively-regenerating conceptual sense of self. Not just our idea of “me” but the deeper elements, the non-verbal parts, the repressed childhood emotions, the buried somatic-memories of trauma, and even the “normal” psychological structures and feedback mechanisms that contribute to the feeling of being bodily (and not just mentally) present. The very act of directly seeing/understanding how the usual, ridged, limited and limiting sense of self is constructed moment-to-moment is sufficient to break it down, to deconstruct it, to see through its reflexive and unconscious pressures, its seeming solidity, and thus to become increasingly freer from all that madness.

Note that this ego, this “empty self” is represented in the above cartoon by the word “me.”

In other words, it’s not enough to simply stop the arm of the metronome from moving—it will simply start up again when the force stopping it is removed. Nor is it enough to just understand the mechanisms by which the metronome operates—although such knowledge does result in a substantial slowdown of the pendulum’s chronic activity. No, what is ultimately necessary—and what both concentration and mindfulness assist in—is a genuine appreciation of how this ego is chronically reconstructed, and by inference and direct apprehension, how unreal—or empty—it actually is. It’s pure experience, and only that; we simply reify it, imagine it to be a “thing,” and give it a solidity and importance it doesn’t deserve. The Real is what remains when all that noise is undone. Freedom is living from that perspective.

In still other words: see the emptiness, the mind-constructed actuality of (the false or psychological) “me,” and the whole damn thing falls apart. Take away the metronome and the maddening activity of the pendulation simply ceases. What remains is spacious Freedom.

[projecttreehouse]

how to write relatable characters

writing relatable characters may seem like an easy task, especially when you’re constructing your protagonist. but what if you want to make your antagonist likeable? what if you want people to hate your protagonist but still root for them? all of this and more requires that your characters be relatable. they need to feel real, so how do you do that? here’s how:

- flaws: this is probably obvious. everyone has flaws, so we should give our characters flaws, too. this applies even if your character is non-human; they cannot escape the personification that we as writers or readers project onto them. we are humans reading, so we expect to see human qualities everywhere we look. if you’re having trouble of identifying your character’s flaws, here are some prompts for ways to think about flaws beyond a list:

what skills do they lack? what do they struggle with?

can their strengths be turned against them as a weakness?

what makes them react emotionally or impulsively?

are they aware of their flaws? if so, do they want to improve them or change them?

- quirks: these are what make your character unique or special, and no, i don’t mean purple eyes or unique physical traits. i mean: what makes your character authentically themselves? what traits define them that few others have? some ways to think about this are:

how do they react when nervous? do they have a tell? similarly, how do they react on behalf of any emotion?

what skills do they have that hardly anyone else has?

what obscure thing are they obsessed with?

do they have a unique outlook on life compared to their peers?

- values: these come from life experiences: where we were raised, our family and friends, our community, religious affiliations, etc. i suggest identifying eight to ten values that define your character and then narrowing that list down to five values that mark their core or essence. think about how these values influence their choices, decisions, and ultimately, the plot of the novel. here are some more prompts to think about values:

how do they react when their values are challenged? are they one to speak up or do they sit back in the shadows?

what, if anything, will change or shatter their values?

are their actual values misaligned with their believed values?

- stakes: what is at risk for your character? what is motivating them? stakes don’t need to be over the top or life or death; they can be as simple as maintaining a relationship or reaching a goal. unless there’s an outside influence (ie. percy’s mother being kidnapped in The Lightning Thief), most stakes—especially those relatable—tie back to values. even those influenced by outside factors can tie back to values: the only reason percy is motivated to get his mother back is because he cares for her and she is the one person who has always advocated for him and cared for him. he values family and riordan uses his family to motivate him and incite the plot. generally, there will be one overarching stake for your character, but throughout your novel, there should be several smaller stakes. these may not service the plot but should elaborate on your character nonetheless. some ways to think about stakes include:

how can i use internal or external factors to create convincing, relatable stakes that tie back to basic values?

why does the overarching stake matter to my character? why do they care?

how can i raise the stakes or introduce new ones that are relevant to my character and illustrate them as a relatable being?

- connection: even if your character is an introvert, they will still be connected to someone, something, or even an idea. we, as humans, look to certain people, pets, objects, and ideas to maintain our sense of reality whether we realize it or not. if your character prides themselves in having no attachments, think about the ideas or themes that mark the cornerstones of their reality. most human beings strive for some form of connection, so here are more prompts for thinking about your characters and connection:

what does connection mean to my character? how do they show how they value their connections or relationships?

how does my character’s behavior change when around different connections?

what connections define my character and their reality? how will these connections influence my character and/or the plot?

how will removing or challenging a connection change, influence, or motivate my character?

a good rule of thumb is to treat a character as a human, not a plot device. there is a time or place in which a character must act as a plot device, but if you’re wanting your readers to be compelled by your narration and the characters within them, you should strive to write your characters as human (aka as relatable). one of the greatest pleasures i find in writing is when other’s identify themselves in my writing.

you’re not just here to tell a story, you’re here to connect with others through the illustration of your characters. let the reader navigate your prose as a detective, to search for and identify the evidence provided by you. that is to say, show us how these things manifest in your character. don’t tell us.

happy writing! hopefully this post gave you some ways to start thinking about how to show the relatability of your character. if you have any questions about implementing these tools or about writing characters, our ask box is always open.

[isolatedbubble]

Romance in MXTX, Priest, and SHL

MXTX: Flower, Wine and Dreamworld

The romance in MXTX's works is like flower that grows in ice and snow; colorful, bright and hopelessly romantic, blossoms in misery and hardships.

It features a distinct "us against the world" mindset, depicting love as the only constant in the world. It's an eternal "dreamworld" detached from worldly matters, the perfect escapism as well as a source of strengths in the face of cruel reality.

Both MDZS and TGCF are a critique of mob mentality.

The contrast between CQL and MDZS is very interesting. While the former ends with LWJ taking charge, and therefore changing the world for the better, the novel ends with wangxian isolating themselves from grand politics and focusing more on helping individuals as recluse. It has an essentially pessimistic attitude towards the morality & intelligence of the collective. 

TGCF takes a slightly more optimistic approach, featuring the crowd being courageous under the right circumstances. However, both works share a similar undertone: putting one’s absolute faith in the collective is dangerous, whereas unconditional trust and devotion can be only found in one-to-one connection

MXTX herself compares MDZS and TGCF to 花间一壶酒 (A cup of wine among flowers), MDZS being the wine and TGCF being flower. She also compares MDZS to 风雪夜归人, the person returning home from snow and wind, and TGCF to 红泥小火炉, a small red furnace.

Priest: Breezing Wind and Burning Iron

The romance in priest's works is more complicated. It's the most gentle in its normal state, when it is rational and collected, in which case it's like the breezing wind, soothing, sweet and light-hearted. It gives the individuals more incentive to achieve their individual and/or societal vision, as well as more reason to value their own lives & well-being.

In Faraway Wanderers, the most distinct feature of WenZhou relationship is how in naturally sync they are, and how comfortable & smooth their dynamic is. They both have past burden, but it doesn’t matter, because they bring simple joy, understanding and happiness in each other’s lives.

In Sha Po Lang and The Guardian, the ML’s lingering love for the MC motivates them to become better version of themselves, to care about others, and to form a holistic vision about bettering society. 

In The Defective, Lin Jingheng(MC) explicitly said that Lu Bixing(ML) is the only meaning in his life. He had little incentive to care about his own life after his revenge plan fell apart. LBX helped him reconnect with his inner idealism, and gave him a reason value his life.

When the passion and fiery energy manifests itself, however, the romance is like burning iron, blood and fire. It isn’t actually toxic or unhealthy, but it's not pure and innocent either; in this case, it strives for something deeper and more intense, never content with the past or the present. The sheer intensity of relationship is like a double-edged sword, walking the fine line between unconditional devotion and dangerous obsession. 

SHL: Spring Water and Healing Open Wounds

The romance in SHL is like "spring water"; it's warm, gentle, nurturing. It breaks through the boundary between individuals to bring the couple closer to each other, taking them back to a utopia of their childhood dream, away from social pressure and responsibility. The theme central to their relationship is “salvation”: how love is able to bring people back to integrity.

Both drama wkx and drama zzs have lots of regret about their past sins and wrongdoings. Four Seasons Manor is essentially a metaphor for purity, acceptance and the safety of childhood home. How to make drama wkx open up and accept this safe harbor as his home is one of the most significant plot-lines of the show.

SHL couple is way more emotionally vulnerable and expressive. A significant part of SHL arc is healing the wounds in an open and honest way. They cuddle and confide in each other way more often, talk about their shameful past and even cry about their regrets in front of one another, which is very rare among MXTX/Priest works.

The heat of the relationship sometimes gets too hot and even burns; in other words, there are constant miscommunications, conflicts and misunderstandings in the relationship. However, they can never let each other go, because it's the only source of warmth left for them in their hopeless lives filled with regrets and guilt.

Similarities and Differences

*Note that this is not a SHL/TYK comparison. TYK is kind of an “unorthodox” priest novel; you will know what I mean if you have read 3+ of her works. 

Relationship Dynamic & Narrative:  

In MXTX’s works, the concept of “romance” itself is divined; and the characters are illustration of the ideal of “undying love”. People are made for one another, to complete one another. Her works use colorful symbolism (silver butterflies, the emperor’s smile, the 3 thousand lanterns, etc.) to depict this romanticized ideal of love. 

For MXTX, the romanticization of “destined love” is one of the most recurring themes of her novels. Therefore, the readers look at their relationship through rose-color glasses. Obsession is usually framed in a jolly & romantic light, and doesn’t feature much tension or stress, and has less negative or unhealthy undertone. 

In most of priest���s works and SHL, soulmates are not born but made, so they have to figure out how their relationship works step by step. Therefore the narrative is less of a “rosy picture”. 

Priest has a habit of using derogatory terms to describe relationships that are mostly healthy, but somewhat “bloody” and edgy, full of excessive passion and obsession. The most common phrase is “爱生忧怖”, a Buddhist term meaning “love results in worry and fear”. 

SHL obviously has to be more subtle in expressing love. That said, drama WenZhou are way more emotionally vulnerable and expressive than their novel counterparts, as well as most Priest & MXTX characters. They have a dramatic falling out once in a while, even towards the end. They barely fit the Chinese definition of Zhiji (to know me/to understand one another), but are “lovers” who are buried deep in their passion instead. 

Past, Future and Evolvement: 

In SHL, characters are encouraged to treasure past impressions that are thrown in figurative “wrappings”, whose luster is derived from age-old experiences (Psychological Types, Carl Jung). In other words, they are encouraged to root their love in a shared past, a Utopia of innocence. 

The contrast between The Defective and Word of Honor is very interesting to observe. Both involve long separation, and the suffering and personality changes hat comes from it.   SHL narrative frames their innocent childhood as something to cling to and return to. Drama WKX is encouraged to accept his identity as Four Seasons Manor disciple because it was part of his childhood past. This is a significant part of drama WenZhou relationship.

In The Defective, the narrative doesn't encourage the couple to dwell on the past that much. On the contrary, the all-knowing AI explicitly discouraged the MC from “comparing past to present”. They are advised to accept changes, however painful it might be, and build a better, more equal dynamic out of it, evolving from one-sided pandering to fighting side-by-side.  

In Priest’s novels, the characters rarely return to something in the past, but look into the future. Change is usually framed as inherently beneficial, albeit usually painful and rocky, the implication being that you need to constantly strive for something better.  

Sha Po Lang is a good example of this, with Gu Yun’s changing attitude towards Chang Geng after he as he matures, gradually showing his intelligence in politics. CG starts referring to GY as Zixi instead of YiFu is also a sign of this change---to see him as equal rather than a parental figure & protector.

The Defective is even more obvious in this regard, with both parties uncomfortable with the change initially, but gradually adjusting to the changes during their 16-year separation. The ML also stops calling MC by his surname “Lin”, as a sign of viewing him as equal. 

In MXTX’s works, change in personality or relationship dynamic is neither framed as painful or good. It just happens. It’s a natural flow that take place when it does. Their relationships are rarely challenged by change. They are objectively at a better place compared to their past, but it’s merely the result of a series of events rather than a deliberate choice or struggle.  

WangXian’s relationship naturally changes over time after WWX’s rebirth, but neither of them really struggles with the change. 

Xie Lian doesn’t even recognize Hua Cheng as the someone from his past, so they start out as friends getting to know each other. 

Salvation and Changing one another: 

Priest herself stated in an interview that she doesn’t believe in the concept of salvation, since people have the inner capacity to be their own savior. Therefore, priest characters usually don’t actively try to change their partner’s morals or personality. Some might be willingly influenced by their partner, but there’s rarely an element of moral condemnation. Even when there is a conflict between different values, the options are 1) to reconcile them by choosing the middle ground 2) to maintain their independence and tackle it with nuance 3) to break up.

On surface level, Mo Du/Silent Reading is about Luo Wenzhou being Fei Du’s salvation. However, as LWZ pointed out himself, Fei Du would’ve been a good person at heart with or without his influence. 

In The Defective, when Lu Bixing mistakenly thought Lin Jingheng stayed in the Eighth Galaxy against his own wishes because of their relationship, and that their priorities are irreconcilable, he even thought about breaking up. Of course he was not serious about it, but this showcased that he would never try to change LJH’s convictions. 

In SHL, however, the concept of salvation is central to the theme. Some find it strange that SHL make drama zzs the more “moral” one of the two, despite his action being more objectively questionable. In fact, the only reason he get framed as more “moral” is that he admitted his fault sooner, and therefore could guide drama wkx’s path back to salvation: to recognize the goodness in people, make peace with external world, to clear his name in Jianghu, and to follow due process with his revenge plan to avoid collateral damages. 

“I tried to change you, but you end up changing me”, said drama ZZS. This relationship dynamic is never present in any of priest’s works I’ve read. Priest characters don’t *try* to change one another. 

Does MXTX believe in salvation? Hard to tell. One could argue that Hua Cheng would have be way more amoral and even immoral if it hadn’t been for XL. This is complicated and is a topic for another time.

However, it is certain that MXTX MCs don’t condemn each other morally. “The orthodox one defending their unorthodox partner in front of the world” is a common wuxia trope, but the way MXTX novels approach it is very different from SHL. 

HuaLian never had a serious falling out about being on different sides. Even when they disagree, they respect each other and love each other exactly the way they are. Hua Cheng didn’t approve of Xie Lian saving Mu Qing, but he didn’t interfere with Xie Lian’s decision. Xie Lian feels responsible for helping Shi Qingxuan in Blackwater arc, but he is perfectly fine with HC helping He Xuan keep secrets. In several cases where they have different values, they are able to make it work with ease.

LWJ never *morally* condemned WWX for his action, and never once objected to WWX practicing demonic cultivation after his rebirth. In fact, LWJ never objected to WWX’s morals; in their previous life he was worried about his safety, and struggled with what to do about certain situations due to his family background, but difference in morality is not an issue for them. 

The “righteous” one does not feel the need to guide their unorthodox partner or to be their salvation with regards to integrity. 

*The similarity & differences part is a bit messy and some points are not fleshed-out. Sorry about that. 

**I don’t claim to have the right interpretation. The lens by which we see different styles of romance is ultimately subjective.