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theshopislocal · 4 years ago

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corinth rains

New and improved Heaven may well be the Happiest Place (not) on Earth. But Dean, it turns out, is still Dean.

(also on AO3)

chapter four

Time passes in Heaven much like in a dream. In brief, grappling moments of clarity, Dean can retrace his steps, determine the decisions and actions that landed him wherever he’s found himself. But he finds those moments are few and far between, slipping through his shaking fingers the moment he unfists them.

More often than not, Dean’s afterlife feels much like his before-life: stumbling buzzed and ill-prepared from set piece to set piece, shoulders at his ears and a tension headache waiting for its cue.

Dean hunches forward and crosses his arms on the bar. His beer’s gone flat - par for the course with El Sol; it’s usually sat on the same shelf as Natty Ice, after all. He remembers a time when he was fifteen or so, and Bobby had cracked one open for him after Sammy had conked out. Dean had held in his grimace as long as he could, but the dregs had been skunky and tepid, flat as Sam’s Ovaltine. Bobby had rolled his eyes, grumbling ‘Well, drink faster, boy!’

These days, Dean could probably down a sixer of the stuff before the bubbles went out. And with Heaven’s littering policy vanishing all his empties, it’s entirely possible he already has.

A vague silhouette appears behind the bar, tan hands sliding onto the counter at the top of Dean’s eyeline. Dean clenches his jaw and keeps his eyes down, half expecting it’s the barkeep come to cut him off.

A husky laugh comes from somewhere above his head, drawling and achingly familiar.

“Keep thinkin’ so hard, you’re gonna sprain somethin’,” she says.

Dean’s spine goes stiff, eyes widening. He hasn’t heard that voice in ten - no, fifty - years. Not since its owner had bitten out a raspy ‘Don’t miss,’ and then burned alive in propane fire.

Dean’s eyes crawl upwards, catching on the broad hips and trim waist, the curve of her chest up to the freckles across her clavicle.

She looks just as she did the day he met her - jaw rounded and taut, mouth a straight line, a no-nonsense brow over slitted dark eyes. Her auburn hair frames her face, its golden tips brushing over her wide shoulders.

He’d never said as much (for fear of getting cuffed over the ears), but he’d always thought she was a looker. Sun-weathered and artless - a dust bowl beauty.

Dean’s jaw clenches. “Ellen Harvelle,” he says, voice pitched low.

She quirks an eyebrow and matches his tone. “Dean Winchester.”

For a moment, he’s transported to a roadside dive. He sees himself: twenty-seven, undead, orphaned and sick with it. So damn angry he can barely see straight. He sees Ellen, a matriarch with a .38 special and eyes made out of flint.

She looks much the same now. And just as it did back then, her scowl splits in a toothy smile, ruddy cheeks dimpling.

“Well?” she says, leaning forward against the bar. “You gonna hug my neck, or what?”

Dean gives a gusty exhale, shoulders sagging, and hoists himself to his feet. He leans across the bar, arms wrapping tight around her back, and he squeezes his eyes closed, pressing his nose into her hair. She smells like charred barrels and gunsmoke, sweet hops and ballistol.

“Damn,” he sighs out. “It’s good to see you.”

Ellen gives a little chuckle and pulls back, dusting off Dean’s shoulders.

“Ditto, kiddo,” she says with a crooked smile. “Though I should throw ya out, drinkin’ that piss water at my bar.” Her eyes cut down to his nearly empty bottle, and she raises a sharp eyebrow.

Well, she ain’t wrong. Dean snorts and squints his eyes, one corner of his mouth quirking up in a sly grin.

“You got somethin’ better?” he leers.

The panty-dropper act had worked like a charm in his twenties - sixty damn years ago, now - but Ellen’s always been made of stronger stuff. Her brow drops low in an unimpressed glare that has Dean smiling wide.

Ellen huffs and rolls her eyes, then stoops down behind the bar, rifling through her wares. She comes up a moment later and slaps her prize down onto the counter, a triumphant smirk around her mouth.

Dean furrows his brow and peers down at the bottle. It’s crystal and shapely, its contents a deep, glittering amber, and Dean’s eyes catch on the shiny inlaid lettering across the front: O.F.C.

Holy shit. “Is that...?”

Ellen grins while Dean gapes like a damned fish. “Buffalo Trace, Old Fashioned Copper,” she confirms, and Dean’s eyebrows nearly climb off his face. “Thirty years old.”

Dean’s never been much of a one for pomp and provenance; he’d as soon shoot three fingers of Bobby’s old rotgut as sip at a decanted Lagavulin. But Dean’s pretty sure he’s seen this very bottle on a pillowed pedestal behind a glass wall, and hell if he isn’t itching for a taste.

His eyes follow the curves of the bottle, and he runs his tongue over his lips. “We drinkin’ slow or shootin’ like heathens?” he asks, peering up at Ellen.

Her lips go wide in a smug smile as she slips her hands under the bar. They reappear a second later, three scuffed little shot glasses clinking in each, and she slides them onto the counter.

Her brow arches in a double-dog dare. “What do you think.”

Dean’s smile goes sharp, and he leans forward on his stool, jutting his chin out to the side in a gamely nod. “Rack ‘em.”

Ellen gives a humming laugh and sets about lining up the little glasses. She grabs the bottle by the neck, and the stopper gives a satisfying pop as she pulls it.

“How ya doin, kid?” she asks, tipping the mouth of the bottle over each glass.

It’s a loaded question, one Dean’s heard about a hundred times since he hopped the pearly gates. Skirting it has become something like second nature.

He watches the glasses fill in succession. Ellen pours like a master - quick and efficient, not a drop lost. “Better now,” he says, eyes fixed on the glinting lip of the final glass.

Ellen spits a laugh and turns the bottle in her hand, gravity chasing the drippage back down the neck. “Ain’t we all,” she murmurs and pops the stopper back in.

She slides three shooters across the bar in a little line. They slosh, but don’t spill, and Dean watches the tiny legs evaporate on the musty air.

Ellen takes a glass between her thumb and middle finger, hunching her rounded shoulders forward. “Ready to put some hair on that chest, pretty boy?”

Her mouth is a straight line, but there’s a smirk in her eyes that has the corner of Dean’s lips ticking up in a cocky grin. “Big talk,” he says and grabs a shot in a loose fist. He holds it up in a vague toast, grunting a sporting, “Cheers.”

The first goes down smooth like warm honeyed water, with a bite at the end that has him reaching for the next. The second is bite all the way through, spiced and peaty against the flat of his tongue. He takes a short gasp of breath before the last, and he’s glad he did; it hits him like wildfire, scalding his throat with brine and accelerant - a salt n’ burn in a tiny scratched glass.

Ellen makes a sound like ‘hoo-ey’, and Dean looks up at her through watery eyes. Her face is screwed up, tongue running over her teeth, and Dean huffs a laugh that feels like smoke in his lungs.

“Damn,” he says, voice thick in his throat. He sniffs and blinks back tears around an open-mouth smile. “You know you ain’t gotta liquor me up if you wanna take advantage, right?”

Ellen grumbles and runs her hand through her hair, before pointing a chiding finger at Dean. “Mind your tongue, boy,” she says and drops her hands to the edge of the bar. “Bill hears you talkin’ like that, he’ll put one between your eyes.”

That brings Dean up short. A startled beat passes as Ellen stacks up the shot glasses, and Dean stares at the top of her head, slack-jawed.

His voice comes back to him on a stuttering exhale. “You got Bill back,” he murmurs.

Ellen’s hands freeze, and she glances up at Dean, circumspect. She holds his eyes for a brief moment, then smiles down at her little glass tower.

“Yeah,” she says, settling her elbows on the bar. “First thing I laid eyes on after your boy fixed up the joint.” She snorts under her breath, shaking her head. “Bout fell over when I saw him. It was...” Her voice cuts out, and she pulls her bottom lip through her teeth, eyes far away. “A moment.”

Dean watches her - the way her eyes flick back and forth, a tiny smile curving her mouth, the dim fluorescent light glinting off her hair. She stares on, blithe and lovely, an understated joy hovering around her.

Dean’s eyes cut down to his hands, one clenched so tight it shows white at the knuckles.

“Well,” he says, mustering a smile. “I’m real happy for ya.”

He means the words - entirely, wholeheartedly - but there’s a blue note in his tone that he can’t quite suppress. He broadens his smile, lets his crow’s feet show, and slips his last glass on top of the stack.

Ellen tips her head, sharp-eyed and considering. Dean holds his counterfeit smile for a moment, the weight of her gaze pulling his lips down; then he drops his eyes to his hands, fingers laced and wringing on the bar.

Digging his fingernails into his knuckles, he wonders when exactly he forgot how to play it cool.

Ellen gives an inscrutable hum, then slides the glasses off the bar and into the sink, spinning the rusted chrome spigot. Dean watches the water pour from the spout, wondering idly if it’s holy.

“You could have that too, you know,” Ellen says, eyes fixed on the basin. “A Moment.”

Dean’s mouth drops open of its own volition, and he snaps it shut with an audible click. He scrubs a hand over his face, hiding the sudden warm spots.

“Yeah, well,” he says, gruff. “I never really had, uh,” he wets his lip, shaking his head, “a Bill.” He gives her a tight smile, pressing his tongue against the roof of his mouth. The words taste wrong - but then, so does everything else.

Ellen’s eyes narrow for a split second before her face goes carefully blank, eyes falling back to the sink. “You could have.”

Dean’s eyes snap to her face, still downturned, and his jaw clenches tight. A frisson of panic runs through him, crystallizing into a hard mass somewhere behind his sternum. It’s heavy and dense, with a beguiling gravity that pulls him in - in to the Empty space where he thinks his soul might have been, in to the trussed up ma’lak box of Shit He Doesn’t Think About. This close to it, he can just make out the whispering voice—

Happiness isn’t in the having.

A shaft of sunlight pours in through an open window, bright and garish against Dean’s eyes. He shakes his head, quick and spasmodic, and glances back up at Ellen.

Her eyebrows are drawn together in a guileless frown, the errant ray of sunshine lightening her hair, and she looks so very, very much like—

Joanna Beth.

Of course, Jo.

Everyone with two eyes had seen the flickering flame between them - always teetering between roaring to life and sputtering out. In the end, he’d kissed her mouth as she lay dying, and watched her burn in salted fire. He’d soldiered on, dry-eyed and numb, and added her name to a bill he couldn’t pay.

You could have. Dean almost laughs.

“Yeah, well,” Dean grumbles, voice rough in his throat. “Jo’s probably the sweetest girl I ever met, but—”

Ellen barks a dry laugh. “Oh honey, it never woulda worked with you and Jo.”

Dean peers up at her askance, and she stares back, face straight but for a tiny wry smile.

She grabs a damp dish towel from the sink and dries her hands, giving a loose shrug. “You were too old for her.”

Dean huffs a brittle laugh and nods down at his hands. That much is certainly true, but- “No tellin’ the jailbait that,” he mutters.

“Nah, I ain’t talkin ‘bout numbers,” Ellen counters. “Even if she’d been your age...” She breathes out a sigh, and Dean looks up at her. The little rag is balled up in her loose fist, her lip caught between her teeth.

She’s silent for a short beat, unfocused eyes downcast. Then she sucks in a short breath and shakes her head, eyes cutting over to Dean’s. “She was a kid,” she says, and gives a soft chuckle. “She’s still a kid, and she’s been dead fifty years.”

Dean gives a weak smile at that, though it hurts like a fresh bruise. He’s not run into Jo since he made it topside, though he’d seen her once after she died. He remembers her, sitting bleary-eyed and sallow next to that bald fucker Osiris - defending Dean’s wasted soul as best she could. He remembers standing in a ring of salt, waiting - hoping - to die by her cool, white hands. You carry all this crap you don’t have to, she’d said. It gets clearer when you’re dead.

A pit yawns open in Dean’s stomach. He’s found a lot of things in Heaven - some he’d lost, some he’d never had - but clarity sure as shit ain’t one.

“You, on the other hand,” Ellen’s voice cuts through Dean’s rambling thoughts, and he peers up into her frowning face. She shakes out the towel and runs it over the countertop between them, giving Dean a furrow-browed look, all sympathy and sufferance. “I don’t think you been a kid since you lost your mama.”

Even softened by the balm of her compassion, the words pull at him, stinging like a paper cut. Dean folds his arms on the bar, hunching his shoulders forward. “Jo lost her dad,” he returns, and winces at the sharpness.

Ellen is unfazed, as ever, and she tips her head, giving a mild hum. “She was older than you were,” she says. “More independent. And she didn’t see it happen, just...” she shrugs and tosses the rag into the sink. “One day, Daddy didn’t come home.”

Dean’s eye twitches in a flinch, but he nods and digs his fingertips into his elbows.

“It hit her,” she goes on, “and hard, but...” Her lips press together in a firm line, and she gives a definitive nod. “She coped.” She glances up at Dean, eyes wise and soft, her voice pitched just above a whisper. “Moved on.”

The implication hangs in the air between them, and Dean gives an imperceptible nod. Dean’s no Dr. Phil, but he knows himself well enough to acknowledge this particular truth. And Sam had pulled enough armchair psychiatry on him over the years to nearly convince him there was no shame in it.

Nearly.

Dean harrumphs around the tightness in his throat. “How is she?” he grunts. “Jo?”

Ellen blinks at him for a moment, brows raised. Then she breathes a tiny sigh and nods her head. “Good,” she says mildly, leaning forward against the bar. “Real good.” She laughs a little and settles her elbows on the countertop. “Joined the Arch practically the second it was formed. Think she mighta been their first recruit.” Another soft chuckle. “If you could even call it that, champin’ at the bit like she was.”

Dean didn’t know Jo’d joined up, but he supposes he could’ve guessed. Hero complexes, piss and vinegar, after all - the sword Jo’d lived and died by.

Dean shifts in his seat, shoulders tightening. “She likes it?”

Ellen’s eyebrows pop up, and she smiles wide. “She loves it,” she crows, tipping her head toward the bar’s saloon style doors. “She and Bill’re runnin’ rounds as we speak.” Her eyes go distant and the slightest bit shiny. “Huntin’ with her daddy,” she intones with a soft smile, “like she always wanted.”

An image floats to the surface of Dean’s mind: Jo, young and gung-ho, twirling a little knife inscribed with her dad’s initials. Dean had told her how John had taken him shooting when he was a boy, how he’d hit every can dead on. He must’ve been proud, she’d said, and Dean had snorted. Yeah, John was proud of him. When he made the shot.

Dean’s hand clenches into a fist, fingernails rasping against his palm. “She’s happy?” he asks, eyes fixed on the countertop.

Ellen is silent for a long, gravid moment. The weight of her gaze pushes down on Dean’s shoulders, compressing his spine.

“Yeah,” she murmurs. “Yeah, she’s real happy.”

The tension across Dean’s back lessens by a fraction. It’s the least Jo deserves - the least all the Harvelles deserve. He nods to himself as the sun comes in through the window again, illuminating the smooth planes of Ellen’s face. The glare hurts Dean’s eyes, but he’s glad it’s shining on someone.

“But,” Ellen starts, and Dean’s eyes snap to hers. She tilts her head, considerate and a little sad. “You’re not,” she says plainly, a frown etched into her forehead.

Dean blanches for an instant, a ribbon of shame tugging through him as the pit in his stomach gapes wider. He gives himself a little shake and smoothes his face into a crooked smile.

“That’s not—” he starts, then shakes his head, lips pursing. “I’m fine,” he says, bald and unyielding. “I’m good.”

Ellen’s eyebrows form an oblique line, doubtful and sympathetic. Dean almost laughs; Ellen never took his bullshit before, he’s not sure why he thought she’d start now.

She holds his stare until his eyes flutter down, his shoulders rising on a deep sigh.

He tries for honesty - the sort of frankness that always terrified him when he was alive - but his voice comes out defenseless and confused, all the bluster of a moment ago dispersed like smoke. “I dunno,” he grunts. “I got Sammy, got—” he hides a stutter behind a grumbling harrumph, “—got Mom and Dad.” He nods his head towards Ellen. “Got you guys, and this...” a vague wave toward the sunlit window, “...place.” He pauses, weighing the validity of the words against the hollowness in his chest, and shakes his head. “Got everything I ever wanted.”

Ellen is silent for half a moment, then gives a pensive hum. He sees her hand slide along the bar toward the whisky bottle, a forgotten MacGuffin sitting half empty.

Her fingers wrap around it, smoothing over the embossed lettering. “Got everything you thought you wanted,” she returns.

Dean feels his face shift into a frown, and he arches an eyebrow at her. “You think there’s somethin’ I want more’n all this?” he counters, a stiff forefinger waving in an all-encompassing gesture.

Ellen’s lips turn down, and she grasps the bottle between her palms. She turns it idly for a moment, then reaches into the sink for a shot glass, plopping it down on the counter between them.

“I think,” she begins, pulling the stopper from the bottle, “there might be something you thought you couldn’t have.”

The breath freezes in Dean’s chest, and his muscles stiffen in a full-bodied flinch.

The one thing I want, comes the whispering voice, gravelly and bleak like something dragged across a tundra. It’s something I know I can’t—

Dean bites his cheek so hard he tastes copper, and he drags his eyes back to Ellen’s downturned face.

She carries on, heedless of Dean’s momentary lapse. “And because you’re,” she huffs a dry laugh, “well, you...” She peers up at his face, and whatever she sees has her brow furrowing deep. She shakes her head once and grabs the bottle, tipping the mouth toward the water-spotted glass as she says, “I think you taught yourself not to want it.”

Dean breathes out a long sigh, and his eyes fall closed. He gets that odd feeling, like something’s swelling behind his breastbone. It spreads like a weed, or a drop of blood in a puddle of water, and the whispering voice takes a breath, as if to speak.

Dean presses his tongue against the inside of his cheek, running the tip along the indents from his teeth. “And what might that be,” he says, dull and a little bitter.

Ellen sets the bottle down and slips the stopper back in. Dean doesn’t look up at her - though her gaze on his face feels like a touch - as she slides the little shot glass towards him.

Her voice is warm and too-soft, edged with a wistfulness that greets Dean like an old friend. “Beats me, kiddo.”

chapter three | chapter five

table of contents

#corinth rains #destiel #deancas #fanfiction #post-canon #slow burn #dean-centric #tw: alcohol #chapter wc: ~3.5k

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wahbegan · 5 years ago

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This dude on fb really just straight-up openly admitting that Ezra Miller yeah that video of him fucking up that random ass woman for absolutely no reason yeah this dude comes in like “ehhh you can’t really TELL for SURE it’s him...”

And then the OP came in like “yeah no the bar owner said it was here’s the transcript” and this bitch STRAIGHT UP ADMITS he fucking says

like hoo BOY wow at least they’ve gotten to the point they’re straight admitting it but that is a lot to unpack bro that......look, first of all i’m gonna focus on Miller’s non-binary identity rather than his ambiguous sexuality which for some reason he won’t just say he’s bi because it’s the more relevant one.

Okay, i get it. I do. I know historically people have heard the word transsexual and thought of Buffalo Bill and that’s their entire exposure to the idea of transition and with the entire trans movement there’s this crippling fear of being seen as a predator, i know. I also know it’s, well, a community and most communities cover for their members when they do something to someone outside the community.

Here’s the thing. Nobody...I have seen so many news stories about you know non-binary abusers and trans woman rapists and whatever the fuck, and none of it has ever disturbed me half as much as seeing people in the comments tryna cover for the sick fuck or changing the subject to like whoever’s fucking pronouns and shit.

There are abusers in your community. There are bad, sick, terrible trans and non-binary people. That’s an unavoidable fact, and trying to cover for it does not help, it makes it seem like all y’all are complicit. Okay? Don’t do that shit.

And i ain’t tryna single you out like you’re the only people with sick fuckos running around, they’re everywhere okay every social movement has to learn this at some point. You didn’t see gay men coming out in droves to defend Kevin fucking Spacey, not because he is inherently more disgusting than Eli Erlick or whoever the fuck, but because they fucking know better.

You want, you want people to take you seriously, you don’t want to be seen as predatory, you want to get on famously with the most feminist of feminists?

Then you cut the rotten parts out of your movement and throw them to the fucking wolves. I know you don’t like that. You think that’s ugly. Trust me, the alternative is much uglier.

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neverwatchedonepiece · 6 years ago

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One Piece Movie: Strong World

The only thing I knew about this before wading in was Strong World was written by Oda himself. This was a good sign. After all, Toriyama wrote Battle of Gods, one of the recent Dragonball movies and I liked it a lot. Mainly because it was funny, but it also expanded the universe and opened up a ton of new potential plot directions. (Granted, I haven’t watched the latest DB series, so I have no idea if this was a good idea or not.)

The first thing I noticed about Strong World was, of course...

Hello, Movie Budget!

It is beautiful.

Seriously, look at those floating islands. The scope. The detail. Tiny Luffy in the right hand corner. If this was a video game, I’d be thrilled to play it.

Everything in this movie was that little bit lovelier than usual. There are a couple of scenes that stick out in particular. When Robin, Franky and Brook escape from the armed ants near the beginning (the swirling blossoms, the vibrant colour scheme). When the Strawhats look up at Shiki, stood on a stonehenge-like trilithon with the setting sun behind him (nice silhouette of the Strawhats) and, in general, those amazing shots of the Strawhats lined up, ready to fight.

Everyone looked great, too. All the Strawhats had new outfits (Robin suited the glasses and casual jumper dress, and Franky was perfect for that leather jacket).

Plus that Nami fan service...

But I suppose the important question is this: why was Luffy tearing about on those floating islands, running away from a hilarious conveyor belt of murderous animals that culminated in a giant preying mantis being suplexed by a huge sloth bear?

The answer is this guy.

This Is What You Get For Being Nice, I Guess...

Shiki was a good movie villain. Threatening enough to cause trouble for the Strawhats but not over-powered to the point it disrupts the main canon plot (I hate it when that happens in movie specials). I like how he was integrated into the main plot (at least in the anime). There was that teaser back in Marineford when Sengoku mentioned Shiki in the same vein as Roger (and I thought it was something noteworthy, haha).

Well, it was a bit.

Post-Marineford, Shiki, who had been defeated by Gol D. Roger twenty years prior, had returned. After destroying a few innocent towns in East Blue, he flew his vast, floating island of a ship through the airspace of Marineford, its oars cutting through the clouds and left Garp and Sengoku a little message to remember him by. (That scene was good, if a bit CGI-tastic.)

On his way, he encountered the Straw Hats, who were just hanging out on the Sunny. The Coo News dropped and they discovered the grim situation in East Blue. Then, a vast ship passed overhead. Amazing, right? But it was headed straight into the path of a dangerous storm that Nami had spotted. Luffy, being decent, gave the order to alert the floating ship.

Shiki, being a villain, reacted somewhat badly to this news. He shot every single Navigator on his ship. What did he pay them for? Honestly! But look through yonder telescope. There was a sexy, young Navigator on the Sunny. The one who was sharp enough to spot the coming cyclone. And there was a vacancy. Several, in fact.

Aided by the power of his Float Float Fruit, he descended onto the Sunny’s deck. His design is cool. Those sword legs are awesome. It did not take him long to “invite” the Strawhats to his place: the floating islands of Merveille.

I say, “invite”. Kidnap is much more accurate.

Shiki’s Diabolical Fanservice-Filled Plan

And that was how the Strawhats ended up on Merveille.

And Nami in a swimming pool in a bikini, of course. (Don’t think I didn’t notice that scene when Nami pulled up those impossibly tiny shorts. But hey, it’s a tropical island. It’s hot, right?)

Mid-swim, Shiki and his goons showed up. For some reason, they performed a dance number. One of his goons was also one of the most annoying characters I’ve ever seen in a movie. His shoes made a dumb fart sound. His name was Dr Indigo, but I’ll call him Fart Clown.

Fart Clown rushed in with a new test subject: a duck that generates electricity. Shiki has been engineering fighting animals using a drug they developed from a local plant: the IQ plant. Nami did not approve and asked him what the hell he was doing. Shiki refused to reveal his goal, but dropped a few Significant Lines. “I’ll tell you once you join my crew. There are certain favours I’ll only do for crew members.”

Of course, Nami wasn’t planning to stay long. As soon as she found an escape route, she was off, with Electric Duck Billy in tow. Flying around with Billy, she spotted Luffy because he had amassed an increasing stampede of roid-raged creatures after his blood.

Tear-Filled Reunions?

(Best joke in the movie. Why do you pretend to hate each other? You are fooling no one, guys.)

Meanwhile, the other Strawhats had been finding out interesting things.

Sanji and Usopp dodged sabre-toothed tigers and sharp-shooting buffalo and found themselves at a village filled with malnourished older residents and young children. They found out about how Shiki controls the village, takes away working-age residents to work at his palace, how the rest can only scrape by and that DDMs patrol the streets, recording everything anyone says or does. These people also had feathers. Why? No one knew.

Zoro and Chopper rescued a small girl (there is always a filler kid in movies) who had strayed from her village in search of a plant to help her grandmother. The grandmother was laid low by an airborne malady that originated in the Daft Green trees that surrounded the village. A double-edged sword: the trees kept them safe from the marauding animals but were also poisonous. There is a cure, but it’s derived from the IQ plant, and Shiki takes them all for his mutant animal projects. Chopper, by the way, did not have a good time around the trees.

Robin, Franky and Brook (well, not Brook, ahaha) avoided being stripped of their flesh by a crowd of angry, armed ants, then Franky improvised a Crawley Davidson (ahaha) to travel across the island in search of the others. There, they came across Shiki’s Palace. Elite pirates had gathered. There was a dress code. A random pirate told them Shiki had plans to demo his world-domination plans by destroying the village where all the feathered people lived, just like he’d destroyed the other towns in East Blue. (I liked how quick Robin was to play along. She’s such a good intel-gatherer.)

Unfortunately, they were too far away from the village to warn the other Strawhats.

Nami figured it out, but it was too late.

Vanguard Nami

This was the part of the movie when the protagonists suffer a defeat. It had to happen.

Shiki appeared to recapture Nami. He was delusional, saying Nami really wanted to be part of his crew, honest. Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, Usopp and Chopper tag-teamed Shiki, but the villain had an iron plot shield. His power was cool, though. You can tell Oda was behind it. The uses of it were very creative. Shiki made the earth float, engulf the Strawhats like a tsunami and them in a twisted spiral of dirt.

Then he forced Nami into a corner. She agreed to join his crew. Usopp tried to stop her, but Shiki still had his iron plot shield. Shiki decided to be nice and let her leave a Tone Dial message for her old crewmates.

Of course, when Robin, Franky and Brook finally found them an dug them out, Luffy listened to 80% of the message and got the wrong idea. How could she say Shiki was stronger than them, that he’d never measure up to a guy like that?

I knew there had to be more to that message. Nami would never say something like that, would she? (Interesting that Sanji was the one who asked to hear the message again.)

Luffy’s anger fuelled his epic rescue mission!

Which was just as well, as Shiki had executed his plan to tear down the protective trees. Murderous animals swarmed the village. The downtrodden people had to flee for their lives. Nami had been caught trying to betray Shiki (I still don’t get why she wanted to blow up the trees with dynamite) and he imprisoned her, leaving her to succumb to the Green Disease.

As Shiki headed towards East Blue, the Strawhats rocketed towards his palace on the Sunny.

Robin Must Have Mentioned the Dress Code

The big fight scene was great.

The explosions, the smokey silhouettes, the sharp tailoring and the badass walk in were a joy to watch. Even the guns and the Kill Bill style brawl (you think you can take on the Crazy 88?) were fun. I liked how the first words out of Luffy’s mouth were: “Is Nami okay?”

Then, when Shiki lied about her doing just fine, Luffy respected Nami by saying, “Nami didn’t sacrifice herself. She came here to fight as our vanguard. Prepare yourself. We are the main force!”

Luffy acted like the captain. Gave Usopp and Chopper orders to find Nami, while the rest of them cleaned up. Franky fought the scrubs. Brook stealing the limelight when Sanji fought the gorilla for Robin was hilarious (”I WILL SHEAR THE FLESH FROM YOUR BONES!” “I have no flesh.”)

Luffy ran after Shiki and Zoro was elevated to angel status in my eyes for offing that IRRITATING FART CLOWN.

And a word of advice: don’t say anything bad about being born in East Blue to Zoro.

“Don’t Bother Our Captain.”

I agree, Chopper. He is cool.

Hasta la Vista, Fart Clown The only good thing about you is that you had some pre-made Green Disease cure about your person that Chopper and Usopp looted from your unconscious body.

They found Nami just as she exacted her Revenge Plan. Billy the Duck lit the dynamite fuses and the Daft Green trees surrounding Shiki’s palace were obliterated. The enraged fighting animals stampeded in and smashed Shiki’s palace. It was wild. Fun to watch.

Enraged, Shiki tracked Nami, Usopp and Chopper. But guess who followed him and was, at that point, literally steaming with rage.

Monty Python’s Grand Finale

“NAMI, I’M GONNA BEAT THE CRAP OUTTA HIM AND WE’RE GONNA GO HOME!”

When Luffy makes a promise. He delivers.

And this is where the movie budget came into its own. That Gear 3rd animation was glorious.

I liked how the Strawhats took down Shinki. It reminded me of when they teamed up to take down Oars. They have come a long way and are now a well-oiled machine of efficient teamwork.

While Luffy used Billy the Electric Duck to counteract his lack of reach (I mean, Luffy’s reach is great, but Shiki can fly. What can you do?) Nami used an approaching storm to their advantage. Usopp and Chopper menaced the navigation team to turn the islands directly into the path of the storm. Robin helped Usopp and Chopper blow the palace to Kingdom Come. Franky prepared the Sunny for a quick getaway.

Shiki was caught mid-gloat (always the villain’s Achilles’ Heel). Merveille sailed right into the coming storm. Nami, of course, revealed her Clima Tact and called him out. Usopp sent a lightning attack deliberately into the rumbling clouds. Brook called everyone else back to the Sunny, leaving Luffy to clean up.

As Luffy’s lightning-charged, giant foot screamed towards Shiki, I thought: yes. This is exactly the kind of spectacular, over-the-top finale a bigger budget movie needs. GET HIM, LUFFY! (It also had shades of Monty Python’s Flying Circus. You ever seen that giant grey foot in the opening? The theme song was stuck in my head for ages afterwards.)

So it was that the Strawhats saved East Blue and the feathery Sky Angel People! Two birds with one stone. How about that? Let it never be said that the Strawhats cannot multi-task! (The feathery Sky Angel People bit didn’t make much sense. How could you forget you were a race of Sky Angel People? But whatever, I just went with it.)

At first I was confused as to why the Marines were arresting Shiki’s goons. How did they know where to find them? Then I realised Garp and Sengoku had probably been chasing them since the stunt Shiki pulled at Marineford.

And the heart-warming (ship fuelling) scene at the end with Nami’s real message played at the end?

“Promise me you’ll come rescue me.”

Awesome. Good movie. Glad you guys recommended it.

Shiki has clearly never watched One Piece.

#one piece #neverwatchedonepiece #nwop #never watched one piece #strong world #monkey d. luffy #roronoa zoro #sanji #usopp #nami #tony tony chopper #nico robin #franky #shiki the golden lion #monkey d. garp #sengoku #fart clown

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allthefilmsiveseenforfree · 6 years ago

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Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

Ok, I don’t think it’s much of a spoiler to say that every Jurassic Park movie basically boils down to this:

1. Hey, there’s dinosaurs! 2. Oh shit, those dinosaurs are not where they are supposed to be!

So this will be a spoiler-lite review, but I mean, c’mon. Look at that gif. You know what you’re signing up for here.

SO! A few years have passed since the events of Jurassic World, you know, when the dinosaurs were in a theme park called Jurassic World and then they were not where they were supposed to be, etc etc. Claire (Bryce Dallas Howard) is running a nonprofit save-the-dinos type organization and Owen (Chris Pratt) is just like building a cabin in the middle of nowhere? Idk I guess raptor wrangling pays enough for a sweet retirement. Then John Hammond’s former business partner (James Cromwell) sends his emissary (Rafe Spall) to enlist Claire to help them kinda sorta illegally sneak the dinosaurs off Isla Nublar before a volcano blows up the island and kills them all. Oh, and they want Owen because he’s the only one who could possibly get close enough to Blue, his lil bby raptor buddy, to help them capture her. BUT IT’S ALL A DOUBLE CROSS because they don’t want to save the dinosaurs...they want to sell them to the highest bidder. Because, children, the real enemy is and always has been capitalism. So Rafe Spall brings them all back to James Cromwell’s house in northern California and like. Can u guess what happens. I bet you can.

Let’s be real - just because there are dinosaurs doesn’t mean this is a kingdom worth visiting (looking at you, Jurassic Park III). So where does this one fall in the dinosaur spectrum? Well...

A worthy, if slightly uneven, successor to its predecessors, made more charming due to the many sweet and subtle homages to the previous films. The script could use some work for sure, but the action setpieces are some of the most inspired I’ve seen in awhile, and the film attempts to wrestle with some pretty big philosophy in a much more active and engaged way than any of the previous movies save the first one.

Some thoughts:

Once the dinosaurs get to the northern California estate, the movie becomes an entirely different animal. The estate is sprawling, Gothic, and of course, it’s pouring down rain the entire time. As such, we enter into a sort of bizarre Gothic horror story, in which the good spirits/dinosaurs (Blue, that cute herbivore that just wants to bash things with his head) are trying to help people or warn people against the dangers of the bad spirits/dinosaurs (the Indoraptor). Seriously, you watch the scene where the Indoraptor reaches out and just brushes Maizie’s ponytail, and tell me that’s not some straight up ghost story shit. The sequence in which the Indoraptor climbs the roof and comes through Maizie’s window is some of the most terrifying footage I’ve ever seen - it’s a choice that works really, really well here, and injects some fresh life into a franchise in which pretty much the only thing that changes is the setting where the dinosaurs aren’t supposed to be.

James Cromwell is supposed to be British in this ALLEGEDLY but I’m not sure anyone told him. Godawful accent. Just godawful.

So the homages are many, and they’re beautiful - everything from a dinosaur walking on glass and the glass cracking slowly (Lost World); Old Lady T Rex (OLTR) waking up from a tranquilizer and seeing her eye open and her pupil resize; the goat used to lure OLTR into her cage; the brachiosaurus being the first dinosaur Zia ever saw in person; Blue taking on the role of OLTR and coming in to save the day and attack the Indoraptor, allowing the humans to get away; turning the lights back on one at a time, pitting our heroes closer to sudden death via electrocution/Indoraptor. There are many, and they are subtle enough to feel authentic rather than pandering. As if this movie were built on the foundations of what came before rather than shining a spotlight on them and saying SEE DO YOU GET IT DO YOU REMEMBER THAT TIME THAT HAPPENED BEFORE? YOU GET IT, WE ALL GET IT, GOOD JOB EVERYBODY.

Toby Jones, have you ever played anything but a smarmy little creep? I feel so bad for you, I’m sure you’re very nice in person.

I did not sign up for mass dinosaur death by volcano - I thought this was going to be a rescue mission - and frankly, if I wanted to cry this much about dinosaurs, I would have watched The Land Before Time.

Daniella Pineda plays Zia Rodriguez, a paleoveterinarian who steals every scene she’s in. Love more women in STEM depicted onscreen, love more WOC in our main cast, hate that they cut out the fact her character was a lesbian “for time.” LET YOUR CHARACTERS BE QUEER, YOU CHICKENSHIT ASSHOLES, IT’S REALLY NOT THAT HARD.

Love America’s Next Top Daddy Jeff Goldblum chilling in a courtroom testifying how the entire idea of Jurassic Park was a bad idea and the idea of saving those dinosaurs is also a bad idea and that humans should maybe stop doing things just because they could rather than because they should. Why doesn’t everyone listen to Jeff Goldblum???

Buffalo Bill from The Silence of the Lambs (Ted Levine) plays Wheatley, a colonel type who’s in charge of getting the dinosaurs from Isla Nublar to California, and it took me 10 minutes to figure out it was Buffalo Bill, and then I couldn’t stop thinking “Holy shit, Buffalo Bill is gonna get eaten by that dinosaur.” This is because he collects teeth from each of the different dinosaur species to make a necklace for himself. You know, like a serial killer. Talk about typecasting.

The other thing this movie does that feels a tad surreal is slip in some political jabs, like when Buffalo Bill calls Zia a “nasty woman.” I also couldn’t help but notice that even the evil dinosaur mercenaries were allowing the baby triceratops to remain with its mother in the containment facility. When evil dinosaur mercenaries who are selling unbridled killing machines to Russia for $48 million dollars have a more compassionate policy towards creatures crossing the border than you do, you might want to pass some new legislation.

There’s a lot going on here. The central question of “what do you do with living creatures who are this dangerous” is a good one, and one that deserves to be explored. You can’t put the genie back in the bottle, it’s true, so at this point, the purpose of these movies seems to be to remind people that we should wield science and technology very carefully, lest we create our own inevitable downfall. That we have 5 of these movies repeating this very same message over and over again just proves how desperately our dumb, lumbering species needs the lesson.

#118in2018 #jurassic world fallen kingdom #jwfk #jurassic world fallen kingdom review #bryce dallas howard #chris pratt #daniella pineda #rafe spall #james cromwell #old lady t rex #movie reviews #film reviews

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fehnwick · 6 years ago

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COLIN FORD —— Well, if it isn’t BENJY FENWICK, the RAVENCLAW superstar. For those of you who don’t know HIM, you can spot them sitting with the other SEVENTH years. Most people think that they’re DRIVEN and PROACTIVE, but they can also seem pretty COMPETITIVE and RECKLESS. Sometimes people call them the BLOWHARD. Sure, they’re a MUGGLE-BORN, but that doesn’t define them.

benjy vc: stop saying i look like chicken little. he’s dumb and he’s a coward, and i’m not a coward

benjy’s kind of an amalgamation of past characters i’ve played that didn’t go anywhere so bear with me as i like, get into the swing of things

about here. wanted . . . someday lmao. messy af pinterest board here.

born benjymin bc of a spelling error on his birth certificate but he will murder u if u call him anything except benjy!!!! so i highly recommend doing exactly that

he can be really soft and chill but he will get really intense and angry at the drop of a hat

just kind of an intense guy overall

benjy was born to two muggles in a small village in ireland

they were super religious and conservative

big fans of the whole “children should be seen and not heard”

benjy did not vibe, as hard as he tried — always wanted to make his parents happy and just never could

so they did not take it very well when it was discovered that he was a wizard!!!

doesn’t go home for holidays and dreads going home in the summers

getting tf out as soon as he’s done at hogwarts even if he’s living in a cardboard box in diagon alley

so like needless to say he never felt like he belonged at home so he was thrilled to come somewhere he could fit in!!!

except surprise, some people don’t like you when you’re not of magical blood

it’s kind of hardened him around the edges a little?? he used to brush it off but he’s Tired™ and ready to fight anyone who says shit

first year he discovered he was a natural on a broom. became an alternate on the ravenclaw quidditch team in third year. joined the team fully fourth year. mysteriously quit at the beginning of this school year — has yet to give a straight answer as to why

spoiler alert: he’s not a team player

he’s always been at odds with other players bc of how he wanted to do things

his ass wholly believed he would be named captain and he wasn’t and he’s pissed

he knows a lot of people think it’s why he quit but he’s not gonna confirm that shit!!!

let people think what they want

also in retrospect, he’s highkey fed up with how quidditch players are treated like gods around the school even tho he misses that treatment

prides himself on being one of the first in their year to have gotten apparition down eveN THOUGH IT’S USELESS until they’re out of hogwarts!!! fun lil headcanon

his patronus is a fucking buffalo

backstory: one of the many things i pinned for him is “i was not made to be subtle”

and somehow when i was thinking of his patronus i was like ok i need something big and obnoxious

and buffalo was the first thing on the list of known patronuses to fit that bill so here we are

he’s honestly one of the worst ravenclaws to pass through ravenclaw tower but he wouldn’t have it any other way

all that dumb tumblr shit about ravenclaws having bad grades bc they like learning but not like . . . school stuff???

a million unfinished projects

hella procrastinator

lazy perfectionist

hella gay. it’s hard for him to talk about sometimes bc of his family history but he’s working on it.

total hoe and not ashamed of it

uhhhhhhh

benjy’s intense sometimes and he gets grumpy and moody very easily but he hates being along more than anything else!!! would rather sit around in angry silence with friends than actually be alone

he feels very strongly about a lot of things but is really bad at expressing emotions sometimes

he considers himself an optimist bc even though the world is full of shit, he wants it to be less shitty!!!

but he’s really bad at being optimistic!!! damn it benjy!!!

oh and also benjy wants to be a healer!!! we love a man who knows what he wants

uhhh too lazy for wanted connections but some basic shit:

boyfriend

ex boyfriend

best friends rivaling the marauders

regular friends

enemies!!!!!!

literally... y’all know how bad i am at plotting... just come to me and we can brainstorm some shit i guess

#novum:intro #— i can only give you everything i've got ( character. )

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dinoalexander · 4 years ago

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Your Moment of Zen: The Gourmet Academy’s Semi-Quotable 2020 Quotedown Quotetacular

The following blog entry are intended only for mature audiences. Reader discretion is strongly advised. Although it goes without saying about three quotes in, this is neither an incendiary nor defamatory tribute to the year past, although if someone were to put together such a “tribute”, I’d completely understand. Thank you. And enjoy the show. Because you helped make it. Ladies and gentlemen and non-binary conforming life forms across seven star systems... the Gourmet Academy’s World Famous Get Down Like a Hound Party ‘til You Puke Semi-Quotable 2020 Quotedown Quotetacular begins in five... ... four... ... three... ... two... NOW. === “This video is dedicated to touching.” -Harry Styles “Welcome to America's last public gathering.” -Jenna Riedi, the host of Geek Bowl XIV “Daniel’s New Year’s Resolutions 1) say something so brilliant, so irrefutably mind-bogglingly wowful that it makes the Quote Wall 2) organize the basement.” -Daniel “Didn’t you used to be Bill Simmons?” -Greg channeling Justin Lollie “Something new? Shouldn’t be trying it but I’m d-e-d today.” -Carl “This could devolve into something amazing.” -Jeremy “Good feeling: a Patriots loss. Better feeling: a Patriots loss in the playoffs. Best feeling: a Patriots loss in the playoffs in Foxboro.” -Travis “You are the master of the swerve.” -Klaussie “There once was a man from Nantucket.” -Ethan “Neighbor and I both have our windows open, and I refuse to do one more thing tonight until I figure out which episode of “Cheers” she’s watching.” -Adam Nedeff “Is there anyway we can CGI Matt Lauer out and replace him with Christopher Plummer?” -Greg on Matt Lauer on SNL “What’s the favorite network of the 2017 Houston Astros? BUZZR!” -Klauss “Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, Lost her virginity to Tom Jones.” -Sara “That’s not unusual.” -Megan “Oh look, goats! (Whiff) Oh god, goats.” -Q “The Whiteface on the Joker poster is a pretty good representation on the Academy Award nominees this year.” -Gordon “If you spend your life with a paper bag over your head, do you also need to wear a mask?” -Kevin, on the Unknown Comic "He Gay - He Christmas in Macy's Window Gay" - Mercedeze - The Circle. “Spock is gonna slap your ass.” -Greg on Zach Quinto in “The Slap” “Smeargle!” -C “I’m at the Battle of Atlanta, usually I’M the one on fire.” -Greg as Time Traveling Rip Taylor “Sexual Game Show Chocolate.” -Cyndi’s nickname for Chico “He has exact change! What was I supposed to say.. No?!” -Q “WLTI has been brought to by the Tom Brady Laundry Service - when you need stuff to be washed and blown....you know where to go.” -JB “It’s like shitting in my hand and clapping.” -Q “Let’s do that GOAT.” -C “Does Q know you’re into bestiality?” -Chris • the subject: Jeopardy! The Greatest of All Time “In 2020 I’d like to set more things on fire.” -Megan “Tonight, William Shakespeare, Henry VIII, the sun god Ra, Archimedes, Rip Taylor, and Rudolph Valentino on the Loooooooove TARDIS.” -Greg as Ernie Anderson (hat tips to Mike & Chico). “Christmas Day: Email notifying me I don't need to come to the courthouse on Monday. Monday: Phone message notifying me not to come to the courthouse on Tuesday. Tuesday: Phone message notifying me not to come to the courthouse on Wednesday. Wednesday: Phone message notifying me not to come to the courthouse, period, because my week of service includes two holidays. For anyone who's never been called in for jury duty during a pandemic, I highly recommend the experience.” -Adam “This version of 2020 has a virus in it. Can I get it reinstalled?” -Catherine “Take care of y’all chicken.” -Marshawn Lynch“ No link, because (EXPLETIVE DELETED) that (EXPLETIVE DELETED).” -Joe “There’s the Wendy’s.” -C “Where where where where where?” -Q “There there there there there.” -C “The Houston Astros scandal has spilled into the world of game shows...evidence has surfaced that “Jeopardy!” contestants had wired buzzers at their podiums.” -Adam Nedeff “ "Having an English Accent in America is like having a 12" dick” -David, a contestant on Too Hot To Handle. “We are all Disney... and Disney is all of us.” -Kevin “Here comes this Donny Osmond-looking motherfucker.” -C “The coronavirus is the least dirty thing I’ve had in my hand. There’s not enough hand sanitizer in the world. That’s why I drink vodka.” -Michael "That bird just straight up moonwalked and died!" -Neumann “You think Jimmy Kimmel would buy the Walgreens brand?” -Q “I don’t make Jimmy Kimmel money!” -C “President Trump sent me a letter. I respond with fire.” -Kyle “Sense AND Sensibility? In this economy?!” -Liz “He committed the ultimate sin. He insulted the WWE in his promotion!” -Cyndi “Today was draggin’. It was very draggy. It was an episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race. It was so draggin’ that Wink Martindale encourages me to avoid it. I was watching Dragon Ball Z in the cockpit of the Dragonzord while playing Double Dragon with Don “The Dragon” Wilson and listening to Sisqo’s Unleash The Dragon. Somebody better call Emilia Clarke, because, uh.... dragon .... joke.” -C “Name a people that animals breed.” -Bressler “Put your Facebook balls away, Karen. It’s unbecoming.” -Cindy “Pizza is yes.” -Drago, Animal Crossing New Horizons “Prahstitute.” -Klauss • the password was “hookah” “It was a one-eyed one-horned flying purple Power Ranger.” -Gordon “I'm gonna start painting people yellow and send their asses to Springfield because I'm seeing a LOT of Simps, SON!” -Katie “Bill Belichick took the box on the display floor and got a couple of plush dolphins...would’ve had a new car behind curtain #2.” -Carl “Twenty-one seasons of winners and not one of those faces looked like mine. So when I walked through those doors, I had that desire, that determination to be that very first face to give hope to those behind me who have the desire to come in here and play this game. Not seeing a face that looks like mine is very discouraging, it’s hurtful and it does make me feel like maybe it’s impossible. But I’m wrong about that because it’s definitively possible. We can do it. It just hasn’t been done yet… I want to acknowledge every African American who has walked through those doors with the same desire to be that face that I have. I see you, I salute you and I appreciate you. You came in here, you knew the odds were against you, you knew it was going to be an uphill battle and you still fought and you fought like hell. For that, I love you, I admire you and I acknowledge you all today.” -Da’vonne, Big Brother “Waldo should find himself. I don’t have that kind of time.” -@FunnyOrDie “What we wanted was Cam Newton. What we got was Wayne Newton.” -Gordon, right before everyone broke out into “Danke Schön” “You can go ahead and put "Nuh-uh! Don't eat Jesus, you monster!" on the list of things I didn't think I'd have to yell today.” -Wingo “Not only is he a chicken magnate, he’s also a chick... magnet. Amirite?” -Klauss“ Please excuse me if I don't participate in the Dolly Parton Challenge, but I'd rather my wife didn't know that I have a Tinder account.” -Prof. O “The table has had enough of your shit.” -Brian “If you work hard enough I’m sure someday you’ll reach the top of the intelligence bell curve.” -Jess’ insult “Any squirrel can find a nut once. Let’s see you do it again.” -Q “This is the kind of chaotic horniness I’m here for.” -Megan “Behold the power of the fat guy touchdown.” -Cyndi “It’s the kind of peppermint candy that can give me natural 20s.” -Jenni “The wonders.... of weed.” -Mary “Metallic testicles.” -Jimmy Kimmel “Well, it's 65° again today. I ran 3.5 miles yesterday so I chose to walk 4 today. If next year it is not 65° on this day in February, I'm quitting Ohio.” -Wingo “I see the Incelabteilung spent a productive weekend.” -Rick Wilson “You know why the RTF head writer is now hosting? Because he's now eligible to join the Actors Guild, which means he'll have potential work when 1. RTF goes down in flames, 2. The WGA agreement goes down in flames. 3.A combination of 1. 2. and RTF keeps trying to convince us that King Kong should be worth 1,250 points per ticket.” -Gordon “Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to?” -Jessica “Of course any team could have had 14 players test positive for COVID three games into the season, but the fact that it’s an entire roster of Florida Man is just so obvious.” -Arianna “Anna Roisman is very much in love with her butt.” -C Phleb: Are you following me? Q: As if you’re cool enough to have a stalker. As IF you’re cool enough for that stalker to be me. “I’ve seen enough.” -JD “Okay Dave Wasserman.” -C -subject: NLCS “Curse your sudden but inevitable colonization!” -Blue from episode 2 of the Overly Sarcastic Podcast “I haven't watched the Super Bowl halftime show, but from the online conversation today it is clear that people do not know just how many layers of costumage it takes to look "naked" onstage. #Showbiz” -Shannon “Adolf Titler and Areola Braun.” -Kim “I don't follow sports at all, but "And then Florida screwed it up for everyone" is the least surprising thing I could have seen in the news.” -Adam “If you think 2020 has been wild so far, wait until the dragons are released in the finale!” -Bruce Q: “I need a lighter.” Clerk: “Which one?” Q: “I don’t care. As long as it produces fire.” “Today we say a not fond farewell to Adobe Flash....we will NOT miss you very much." -Carl “It’s ridicarus. It’s so ridiculous, it flies in the face of normality until it melts on the wings of its own ridiculousness.” -C “I’d like to be proven wrong 99 times out of 100,000.” -Cyndi “The wenches of Watson.” -G’s nickname for the Chasers “Paula Deen. I don’t give a toss about the woman’s politics. But there’s one thing that we both agree on. MORE BUTTER!” -Q “Do you think you could be my Korean food mule?” -Jenni, to Chico re: Korean restaurants “This is what I told you about Travis. You’ve got to stop eating buffalo wings before you go to bed this is going to keep happening!” -Brian “The NFL Draft Takes way too long. If I wanted to watch 32 picks in 3 hours, I’d watch Jameis Winston play.” -TyFo “I think I’d win this easily.” -Greg, on “Too Hot To Handle.” “Hit me daddy, I’ve been bad.” -Q “I haven’t been bad, but hit me anyway.” -C “I hope a million Dodger babies are made tonight and their mamas name them all MOOKIE.” -Arianna “That’s tackier than a Louis Vuitton purse from downtown LA.” -Kimberly “Defense wins championships, but offense sells soap.” -Nikki “It’s like there’s nothing good on Netflix anymore.” -Alex Alvarez (Marcel Ruiz) on the Pop premiere of One Day at a Time “Let’s see what this bitch can do.” -C

“Man we have now been quarantined for 60 full days. Stuck inside with nothing but our families and our devices, filled with fear and anxiety. And we still don’t want to watch Quibi.” - Mike Shields (@digitalshields) “I love Peanut Butter. I love Africa.” - Bill Walton "So in the last 3 days Tom Brady has violated social distancing guidelines and broken into somebody's house. The media laughs it off. It pays to be white." - Barry McCockiner “BREAKING: I have decided to follow @James_Holzhauer on Twitter, since he’s been following me on Jeopardy all week.” - Ken Jennings “I was debating who had a worse night in Vegas — Mike Bloomberg or Deontay Wilder. I thought it was Wilder but it wasn’t. He didn’t have to show up a week later and get his ass kicked all over again. #DemDebate2020” - Jelani Cobb “What in the name of God’s ass is on Linda Dano’s head?” - Quisla “My 13 year-old self with my hero in Nov '83, Boston, MA. According to local legend Mr. (Tom) Baker toured the sites at Lexington, and then Concord, site of the “shot heard round the world;" he strode up to the first American he saw and said “Sorry about all that you know!”” - @petervintonjr “At long last, our 4-year national nightmare is over & @SteveKornacki can finally get some sleep.” - Mark Hamill “I think I just saw The Greatest American Hero be a complete and utter perv.” - Chico “Not gonna lie. I kinda wished they'd filmed the Chicago production of Hamilton so I could see Wayne Brady kill Lin-Manuel instead of Leslie.” - @RealLordDalek “Thanks Jon, when we come back Denise is gonna go for $30,000 and I want to find out, really, if you take half of my ass and you put it on my bald head, if it’s going to create new hair. We’ll find out about that after this. ……. more after this.” - Mike Francesa’s evil Earth 47 Half Brother Louie Francesa played by Klaussie before the MG-HSH Super Match “Rebooting The Santa Clause where instead of Tim Allen killing Santa Claus and becoming Santa Claus, Santa Claus kills Tim Allen and becomes Tim Allen” - Bridger Winegar “Ted Cruz is in another Twitter war with Mark Cuban. As a coach I was always looking for mismatches. If I could ever find a mismatch as great as Cuban over Cruz the game would be easy.” - Stan Van Gundy “Just turned on the XFL.Kicker missed a field goal and they immediately interviewed him on the sideline asking what happened haha. That’s tough.” - JJ Watt “Jeffrey Toobin gave a whole new meaning to the word “laptop.” - Gerard Mulligan “No matter how gloom things things get, there's always the future, even the United States of America used to have a future. They tried to us Americans the sky’s the limit, so we destroyed the sky. Where’s your limit now? Oh! burning with toxic poison? Suck that limit!” - Xavier: Renegade Angel “Everything good espn ever did was copied from the George Michael Sports Machine.” - @[email protected] “How is the @WWE not calling this #Wrestlemania36 In Your House?!?!” - Marty DeRosa “When people complain about "cancel culture," they very often mean: I want to live in a world in which there are abundant social and economic rewards for saying and doing certain (but not all!) controversial things, and no social and economic penalties for those same things.” - David Frum “Herb Abrams left this world doing what he loved. Cocaine and hookers." - Brian Blair “Rats.. and I was looking forward to the empty arena NBA Team Challenge Series.” - Lollie “Wow breaking: Jay Glazer is reporting that cleatus the FOX NFL robot has been arressted for double murder outside a Houston strip club. Details to come” - PFTCommenter “Michael Moore is the Michael Avenatti of Anthony Scaramuccis.” - @blackbeltbirder “Will you accept this ass?” -Jason “The Bears are two tight ends away from a firefighter calendar.” -Cyndi “Come on, Quis. Plating is 5 points.” -C “They say you should spend three months income on your wife’s engagement ring. I spent June July and August from the summer that I turned 13… But in my defense it was a wet summer and I mowed a lotta grass, that should count for something.” -Brian (ladies....) “You can’t fuck with Ed Lover.” -Greg “You thought that it was bad now? Wait 25 years. Today's children are tomorrow's leaders; and they will have been have been homeschooled by day drinkers. Let that sink in.” -Q “Doo wah didn’t didn’t, dumb didn’t do.” -Ian “So we were talking about why cereal was invented.” -C “Y’all stop showing me The Needle. I have a visceral reaction to The Needle.” -Anne “Five dollars on a Daily Double? What are you doing, buying a sandwich?” -Q “Sometimes I wonder... what made you think that style of facial hair works for you?” -Mary Jane “Everyone’s a critic.” -C after someone closed the blood bank door after blowing his nose “You raise your kids, you will spoil your grandchildren. You spoil your kids, you will raise your grandchildren.” -Nikki “You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit.” -Joe’s son “Ctrl-F, am I right?” -Klauss “Mmm, mmm-mmm-mmm...” -Kim “I’ve been around enough mothers to know what THAT means.” -C “This is now the 5th straight night I've heard one man complain about another man's holes and balls. No one needs sloppy disorganized holes or balls. #pause.” -Gordon “You know... We grew up watching Kamen Rider & Super Sentai wanting to be masked heroes. Pretty sure this isn’t what I had in mind.” -D “Some of y’all have not been chased around the house by your sibling with a knife and it shows.” -Jenna “At least it wasn't real maple syrup. Based on the bottle and consistency it appears to be maple-flavoured sugar liquid spread.” -Dane, on Gritty drinking breakfast syrup “And who decides Lacey Chabert should be the voice of love? She was hardly the voice of Meg Griffin!” -C “That is one UGLY ASS FISH!” -Cat "CBD infused deep dish pizza now available at White Sox games." -Carl “Gordon Pepper You're a psychotic Macaulay Culkin? I fear and respect you.” -Dom “Now I don’t even have to leave my home to not watch a movie.” -Kevin, on HBOMax “Fuck your widgets.” -Klauss “I told Galileo to stop working on his telescope. He’s not fooling anyone!” -Greg as Time Traveling Rip Taylor “Chris Wallace failed so badly that Mike Wallace also failed, and he’s been dead eight years.” -Kevin “Yay for fat shaming.” -Amberlee “Philip Rivers: Miami Dolphin?” -Carl “I don’t have enough black leggings for this shit.” -Shannon “You ever have shrunken beef?” -G “Phrasing.” -Aaron “You put the brain in Vibranium.” -Matt Richards “Several flaws in his argument, most notably that while he is correct that the meat in boneless chicken wings doesn’t come from the wings, neither does it come from the “tender”. And chicken nuggets aren’t made from a chicken’s... um... nuggets. That said, it is Nebraska, and this is what happens in that God forsaken state when they cancel football.” -Kevin “I never got spanked. We were very good kids growing up. Dad threatened us a different way. He reminded us as he was a famous person if we screwed up we would see it on page 6 of the ny post.” -G “God’s perfect idiot.” -Ryan Reynolds “You can’t clean house with a filthy mop.” -Kevin "Four." -Course Manager Joe translating Sir Goph to the crowd at Holey Moley. “May (Tim Tebow’s) marriage last longer than Million Dollar Mile.” -C “They were so offended, they weren’t.” -G “Meanwhile I can't choose a fuck fish...” -Kimberly “I have questions.” -Bressler “Do not insult the good name of Bowzer, damn it!” -Greg “Hiya Barbie! No Ken. He’s sold separately and I’m cutting unnecessary spending.” -Eden as Barbie “I’ll be at the bench if you need me. Please don’t need me.” -C as David Tennant as Scrooge McDuck “Fayetteville gonna Fayetteville.” -Jordan “Why you gotta go make good employees angry? You think another decent phleb is just gonna pop out of nowhere like a State Farm agent? ... 🎵 Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there! 🎵 POOF!” -C “I like my men like I like my commuter car: silent.” -Robin “The fact that I had to put "Real Email -- Not Wingo SPAM" in an email subject line tells you a lot about how I comport myself with my colleagues.” -Wingo “Savage Question Song! Y’all fucking FUCKED UP! YOU FUCKED UP! YOU GOT IT WRONG! YOU ARE DUMB! No, I’m kidding, you’re not dumb. You fucked up, it happens. That’s life.” -Matt Richards “You know, bucatini. It’s like spaghetti... with goals.” -C “Love like you’re Jesus Christ. Wash your hands like you’re Pontius Pilate.” -Brian “Show me on the tackling dummy where the illegal touching happened.” -Nikki “Get cable. Discover Disney Junior. Muppet Babies. Weird. So weird. #NotMyMuppetBabies.” -Paul “Take the swabs. Leave the cannoli.” -C “Facetyfacetyfacetyfaaaaaaaace!” -Nikki “If you win, you may smoke it. WHEN you lose, you must eat it. I don’t make the rules.” -Erskine “The internet discovers that Wendy Williams is a terrible person once a week.” -Adam “¡Carajo! Errbahurr!” -me, upon looking at a full parking lot “In these increasingly uncertain times, I want to be absolutely clear on something. I never *don't* want pizza. It is never a bad or inappropriate time for pizza. I will never, in any way, be displeased by receiving pizza. And, at no time in my life, will I ever say "no, that's fine, personally I don't want any pizza." I hope I have made myself clear.” -Brian “That’s a terrifying prospect. Goddamnit, I’m in.” -Kimberly “My dream from December 2020 involved a previous neighbor and his two-mouthed dog. Not two-headed, but two mouthed. Imagine a Doberman crossed with a Big Mac.” -Evil Travis “Sounds like SOMEONE is jealous of the awesome sex her witch friends are having, just saying. #StellaImmanuelOnlyDoesMissionary” -Shannon “Why does Ken Jennings get applause for his use of a buzzer during championship rounds but the Astros are vilified? That’s Double Jeopardy in more ways than one!” -Jess “That's Roman's new move...the Bowel Movement" -JB After Roman tips Corbin over in the potty during Royal Rumble “Smoke my weed.” -Kyle “Tomorrow on Personal Injury Court: "You destroyed my vagina!" Me: "Continue."” -Klauss “Vernon Valley/Action Park on line one.” -Gordon’s one-line review of “Cannonball” “There’s no substitute for good old fashioned know-how.” -Prof. O “So a coworker says she’s pro-gun, pro-God, pro-LEO, pro-Trump, pro-life and that all lives matter. I say to her, quoting Colin Firth, ‘I’m a Catholic whore who is currently enjoying congress out of wedlock with my black Jewish boyfriend who works at a military abortion clinic. So hail Satan, and have a lovely afternoon, madam.’ See? I can flex for rubes on social media, too.” -C “Boy. Smoke really let himself go.” -Caleb “SUPER MATCH on tonight’s MGHSH: ______ LOVER $1000: Red Hot $500: Lousy $250: Latin.... I’ve been called all these things. At the same time.” -C “BREAKING: Massachusetts Lottery names Tom Brady its spokesman for its new lotto game -- Pick 6.” -Doug “If music be the food of love, then umami is the food of food!” -Heather “We already have artificial intelligence in the announcers booth… His name is Joe Buck.” -Brian “I don’t have the time or the crayons to show you how you did that wrong.” -Q “Okay so about Herve Villechaize’s dick.” -Klauss “Sharon after two Proseccos is the funniest motherfucker alive.” -Matt Richards “There’s tired, and then there’s Disney tired. He’s worn out!” -Terrie “Who the fuck is Mickey Rooney?” -Greg’s older brother when he was 8 “Remember, exercise causes endorphins. Endorphins make you happy....” -Michael “And happy people don’t kill their husbands.” -everyone “Peace, love, dope! Now get the hell out of my house!” -Evil Travis “My sister is being disgusted!” -Shannon’s sister “I already have my picks to replace Condfederacy monuments/statues and other members of the slave trade/colonialism. 1. Spock 2, Any Pokemon 3. Columbo (Specifically for Christopher Columbus) 4. The lead singer of GWAR 5. Dolly Parton” -Dane “Having said that, KEEP STAYING INSIDE. Let’s put this in easy terms: did you ever have a teacher say “If you’re good the entire week, we’ll watch a movie in class on Friday”? And when you made it to Thursday, everybody kind of had an eye on the dipshit in the class who was probably going to screw it up for everybody? Okay, right now, as far as COVID goes, it’s Thursday. Keep an eye on Adam. Or...I mean, whatever the kid’s name was in your class.” -Adam “I'm at the level of drunk where everything is HILARIOUS and I'm very pleased with myself... now I’m having a second drink and wearing this VERY NECESSARY hat.” -Arianna “May your 2020 be like ABC’s, shaky at first, but getting stronger.” -BB “A bunch of Goofuses and nary a Gallant.” -Ian “Hard and Stormy - the next pornhub film from Michael Avenatti.” -JB after Chico tried mistakenly to say “Dark and stormy” “With a name like Joe Exotic, expect more fingers than teeth.” -Chico re: Tiger King “I’d rather offend someone by showing up, by trying to understand and trying to care, than offend someone by not showing up, by refusing to understand and for appearing indifferent.” -Christina “If you feel the need to throw shade from behind an anonymous Twitter account... Don’t. Say it to my face or don’t say it at all. Don’t waste my time. It’s 2020. We’re not on here wasting people’s time. Stop it.” -Anne “His shake brings nobody to the yard.” -Jess re: HQreeper “Did Bill Cullen do Blockheads?” -Q “OH FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!” -C "I do normally have energy, but I did just win the Space Jam, so..." -Neumann “So watching the NFL Playoff game and my first thought is that I wonder how the Houston Astros were able to show the Texans how to steal all of the KC Chiefs' signals from their playbook.” -Gordon “Does anybody here have a dollar?” -C “No but I have a chicken!” -Q “You know what borders on insanity? Canada and Mexico.” -Chelsea’s friend Cathie “A 1 followed by 100 zeroes is known as a Googol. A 1 followed by 1,000 zeroes is known as the number of e-mails you will receive from 1-800-FLOWERS in the week leading up to Valentine's Day if you've ever bought even one bouquet in your life.” -Adam “I think I hate everything and everybody, so I’m going to get drunk on beer that’s been brewed in an old sheep carcass and then I’m going to stick my tiny penis in a dead dog I found in a ditch to make hate-babies or something because I am actually more stupid than mud.” -Alucard, impersonating Trevor Belmont, Castlevania “10/10 for entertainment and entry level gaming abilities. Gratuitous gore and endless ammunition. You will literally cry from laughing. Especially if you're as good at being bad at it as I am.” -Becca “I’m trying to eat better. After work today I’m going to have myself a nice salad. That’s right a nice Caprese salad with tomatoes and mozzarella cheese, and croutons… Well OK one crouton… One very large round crouton. Pizza. I’m going to order a pizza.” -Brian “Coming to theaters in January 2021: 2Jeopardy 2 GOAT.” -Evil Travis “You overthought it!” -Michael “You know me, Michael. Overthinking is kinda my thing.” -C “I had a baby.... in my king cake.” -Kathryn “hear me out: a cross between a heating pad AND a weighted blanket. *become* the hot pocket.” -Chelsea “Guessing both Foxes (New Fox & Disney) are catching onto the reality that Seth (MacFarlane) only has one idea, which he keeps trotting out in different disguises.” -Kevin “How’s your Wednesday?” -Wingo “Oh you know, places to go, people to see, lives to save, asses to cover. You know, a Wednesday!” -C “That’s why I don’t hold grudges, because I can’t remember shit.” -Joey “Brainvision has been brought to you by the Fire Me Please Sporting Division Showdown! Who will win? The Cleveland Browns? The Houston Astros? The NJ Devils? The NY KNicks? It will be fun to find out! That's the Fire Me Please Sporting Division SHowdown!” -Gordon "I have sent a dick pic. I didnt mean to do it. Mom, I'm sorry.” -contestant on The Circle “You can make excuses or you can make game moves. Pick one!” -C “He who hesitates is sacked.” -Nikki on Tua “Merry Crimbo!... I mean, Merry Chrysler!... I mean...” -Statboy “Welcome to this edition of “Faith in Humanity”, brought to yo by Bleagh. 🤮” -Gordon “Ass trumps feet, count it.” -VRM “On the Season Finale of St. Patswhere, Chief Surgeon Brady suddenly realizes that time has caught up to him and can't accurately perform like he as done in years past. Director of Medicine Belichick talks to his staff and is irate that instead of researching Vrabel-Tannehillitis, they brought him documents on Bunglaria. He punishes them by making them work on back cases and organizing them by bacteria count. In the operating room, time is not on the side of the staff as the patient is also suffering from Henry Syndrome where he rushed for 182 yards and a touchdown. To further accentuate the problems, Belichick finds out that Vrabel-Tennehillitis eats up the time left in the patient, despite his efforts to make time stand still. With time running out, Brady tries to push through his decline and makes a dangerous surgical operation. Sadly, the operation would turn to be fatal for the patient as Brady slips and cuts through vital organs and the scalpal is intercepted by the heart. The patient dies on the table and leaving both Brady and Belichick wondering if they still have what it takes in this new era of medicine. Will our dynamic duo return? find out next season...on St. Patswhere.” -Cyndi “That looks nothing like Tom Villard.” -Mike, anytime someone mentions Chris “Captain America” Evans as “America’s ass” “Okay, no no no no stop halt quit it cease desist. I will sign off on an Anglicized live-action remake of Ranma 1/2 before I approve of this.” -me reacting to a Fresh Prince reboot “Welcome to the Absolutely Fucking Crazy Championship game! With your analysts Tom Brady and Lamar Jackson. Tom: “Hey Lamar, how come we’re not playing in this game?” Lamar: “Cause we suck, man!” • Carl “Politicians are temporary. Wu-Tang is forever.” -@PressedNC “Coffee is not meaningless. Coffee is everything.” -LiyaZee “in the grand scheme of things, aren't we ALL between a sex store and a crematorium?” -Chelsea “You can cancel the show. You can not. Cancel. The culture.” -Chico “Go be bitter elsewhere.” -Hannah “Happy holidays ... and you’re welcome.” -Wayne Brady.... after telling us he’s not wearing underwear. === May our collective 2021 not suck as much as this year did. Seriously, I tried to burn my calendar and it wouldn’t burn. Anyway, here’s to 2021... Come together, just think of tomorrow.

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racingtoaredlight · 4 years ago

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RTARL’s 2020 NFL Season Week 7 Extravapalooza

With the way the COVID-19 situation in America (and lots of other places around the world) is rapidly heading in the wrong direction, I’m beginning to genuinely wonder if the NFL is going to have to pause the season for a few weeks as some states potentially decide that the gatherings that come with staging a football game are less than necessary.

Once the league decided to start the season as scheduled, I figured there was no way they’d stop the train once it began lurching forward, even if some unlucky teams were forced to start someone like Brian Hoyer at QB instead of their normal guy. Ahem. But, I also didn’t think things would deteriorate virus-spread wise quite to this degree. I was really giving us as a society way too much credit, it would appear. Given the resistance to the first round of shutdown measures, I think there’s a real possibility that shit could hit the fan in a way few of us have seen before if another batch were implemented, but it seems like the only option going forward for some places if they don’t get their shit together. Our choices in the very near future appear to be: court massive civil unrest spurred on by the very worst among us, or do nothing and let many of those same people carry disease to every corner of the country as hospitals become overwhelmed and people die alone and miserable. Hooray for letting the dumbest assholes dictate the courses of everyone else’s lives.

Now for some football picks!!!

My picks are in BOLD, and the lines come to us courtesy of our friends at Vegas Insider. I use the “VI Consensus” line, which is the line that occurs most frequently across Vegas Insider’s list of sportsbooks. Your sportsbook of choice may offer a different number, and if you’d like my opinion on said number A) you are insane, and B) leave a comment below and I’ll try to answer at some point before things kickoff today.

EARLY GAMES

Detroit Lions at Atlanta Falcons (-2)

Ah, a team who recently fired their terrible head coach against a team who desperately needs to. I’m glad it finally appears to be dawning on Detroit’s offensive braintrust that D’Andre Swift is the best RB on the team and thus should get the bulk of the touches. You could even say he deserves the LION’S SHARE. Sorry.

I was ready to declare Matt Ryan officially washed heading into last week’s games, but then he went out and threw for 371 and 4 TDs against the (admittedly trash-ass) Vikings defense, and now I just don’t know. Does having Julio Jones in the lineup really make that much of a difference for him? Maybe! This game should be enjoyable slop and I don’t have any strong leanings one way or another. I’ll pick the Falcons just because a Lions loss gets them one step closer to freedom from their dipshit Goomba-from-Mario-Bros-lookin’ motherfucker of a head coach.

Cleveland Browns (-3.5) at Cincinnati Bengals

I like to make fun of the Browns just like everyone else, but I’d prefer to see less digital ink spilled on QB Baker Mayfield’s crappy play and more celebration of DE Myles Garrett instead. Garrett is AWESOME. Through 6 games he has 7 sacks (2nd in the NFL) and 3 forced fumbles (also 2nd in the league), and those numbers don’t fully capture how disruptive and nightmarish he is for opposing offenses most weeks. Sure, he maybe tried to kill a guy with his helmet last year, but c’mon. That was just a harmless little goof. No reason to hold it against him, in my opinion. Like, have you seen what Mason Rudolph looks like? He had it coming.

I feel bad every time I pick against Joe Burrow because I want he and I to be friends, but *points to previous paragraph about how Myles Garrett swallows planets whole*.

Pittsburgh Steelers at Tennessee Titans (-1.5)

Last week I wrote a whole big thing (with stats to back it up!) in the Titans blurb about how Derrick Henry wasn’t playing well and was potentially wearing down, and then he proceeded to rush for over 200 yards and 2 TDs, including an unreal 94-yarder. I concede that I may have been misguided, and that attempting to use research is for lameass nerds. That said, I HIGHLY doubt he’ll have a huge day against the Steelers defense, but the combo of Henry and the Ryan Tannehill-led passing game should be able to put up enough points to win.

These teams are both very good and very evenly matched, but I don’t want to pick Pittsburgh because I actively dislike them. You won’t find that kind of analysis on Football Outsiders, friends.

Carolina Panthers at New Orleans Saints (-7)

New Orleans will be without WRs Michael Thomas and Emmanuel Sanders for this one, and I think QB Drew Brees is too far over-the-hill to make chicken salad out of the chicken shit that remains in their group of pass catchers. RB Alvin Kamara is great, but he can’t do it by himself. Oh, and speaking of Michael Thomas, a report came out yesterday that the Saints are open to dealing him. This report came from Mike Florio, so grain of salt and all, but it did lead to me reading a rumor that Thomas’ teammates hate him and secretly call him “Can’t Stand Mike,” a play on his “Can’t Guard Mike” Twitter handle. I found this hilarious and very much want it to be true.

Let’s raise a glass to Panthers backup RB and fantasy football savior Mike Davis, as his gravy train likely comes to a halt after today with the impending return of Christian McCaffery. The New Orleans rush defense is very good, so I don’t see him going out in a blaze of glory, but his out-of-nowhere statistical bonanza deserves to be celebrated.

Buffalo Bills (-10) at New York Jets

LOL Jets Head Coach Adam Gase still hasn’t been fired despite losing 24-0 to Miami last week. What’s it gonna take, I wonder? A second consecutive shutout may do it, but the Bills defense has been terrible, so it’ll take a real commitment to ineptitude for the Jets to put up their second squadoosh in a row. NY QB Sam Darnold is returning to the lineup, but he’s going to be without his best weapon, WR Jamison Crowder. I honestly feel terrible for poor Sam, as he was drafted into the worst situation I can remember. At least David Carr was hit enough that he likely doesn’t remember ALL of the bad stuff.

Nearly all of the Bills’ TEs are in the COVID-19 protocol, so I’m not sure how they’re gonna address that. BRING BACK JAY RIEMERSMA!

Dallas Cowboys at Washington Football Team (-1)

The Cowboys being underdogs against Washington is hilarious, even more so because it’s justified. I thought QB Andy Dalton would do a decent job leading the Cowboys offense last week against Arizona, and I was very, very wrong. I still think he can get his shit together somewhat, but the ceiling for this team has been lowered to “Darren Sproles might have to duck a bit” height. I can only condone watching this game for schadenfreude purposes, but even that’s stretching it. Any more than a quarter is just straight-up masochism.

Green Bay Packers (-3.5) at Houston Texans

I’m simultaneously excited to watch this game and struggling to come up with anything novel to say about it. I’m interested to see how Green Bay deploys their awesome CB Jaire Alexander, as whichever Texans WR avoids him is likely to be peppered with targets. Shoutout to Will Fuller’s hamstrings for holding up so far and allowing him to kick ass.

As of right now it looks like Green Bay will be without studly RB Aaron Jones and sexy touchdown beast TE Robert Tonyan, which isn’t great. But, if there’s one opponent where you should still be ok using a backup RB, it’s the Houston Texans and their atrocious rush defense. Wait, why am I picking Houston? Whatever, fuck it, the heart wants what the heart wants.

LATE GAMES

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-5) at Las Vegas Raiders

A couple of days ago, it looked like the entire Las Vegas offensive line might miss this game due to being placed on the COVID-19/Reserve list. As of this writing, all those beefy boys are cleared to play, which is good news since they’re going against Tampa Bay’s top-shelf defense (ranked #1 in defensive DVOA). Even with their full compliment of offensive personnel, I still predict many hilarious angry and frustrated faces from Jon Gruden.

Tampa Bay has decided to sign WR Antonio Brown, despite already having two Pro Bowl-caliber receivers in Mike Evans and Chris Godwin. It’s pretty clear this signing was done entirely because QB Tom Brady wanted it, as Brady has been pushing for his team to sign Brown going back to last year in New England. It’s so weird, Tom Brady doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who would advocate for an emotionally unstable and supremely narcissistic accused rapist who’s left multiple organizations in disarray upon his unceremonious departure.

Kansas City Chiefs (-7.5) at Denver Broncos

Fuck yeah, our first potential snow game of the year! The gametime forecast as of right now calls for 5-degree windchill temps with a 35-40 percent chance of flakes throughout. That sounds horrible to play in, but glorious to watch. If we don’t get at least one shot of steam rising off of an offensive lineman’s head I’m gonna be pissed. I’m curious to see what Kansas City does with newly acquired RB Le’Veon Bell in this game. He’s definitely played in more winter-weather games than my boy Clyde Edwards-Helaire, so do they give him more carries this week than they would normally? I hope not, but I can definitely see the argument for it.

San Francisco 49ers at New England Patriots (-3)

I’m a little shaken (relatively, I’m not a complete lunatic) by how shitty New England, and Cam Newton in particular, looked against Denver last week. The lack of practice time due to multiple COVID-related outbreaks is a valid reason for it, but still. I think the Niners are the much better team when healthy, but they’re gonna be missing their best RB Raheem Mostert for this game (and the next few), which does impede their power-run game somewhat. Backup Jerick McKinnon is still very good, he just has a different, less-demoralizing style. Handsome Jimmy will have to make some plays, and I think he can do just enough. The overall talent gap will be too much for NE to overcome, I fear.

Jacksonville Jaguars at Los Angeles Chargers (-7.5)

The Jags have lost five straight games coming into this one, while the Chargers have dropped four in a row. Something’s gotta give! I will say that the Jacksonville losses seem more depressing (3 of them were by double-digits), while even though L.A. is losing, they at least feel exciting. A shiny rookie QB who looks decent will do that, I guess. Still, I’m riding with my man Minshew to cover one last time here. If he fails, well, I think it’ll be time for us to go our separate ways. “Separate Ways” by Journey is also what plays in Gardiner Minshew’s helmet speaker instead of play calls, coincidentally.

SNF: Seattle Seahawks (-3.5) at Arizona Cardinals

Seattle’s already abysmal secondary is going to be down Pro Bowl safety Jamal Adams for this one, so Cards QB Kyler Murray should be able to sling it around with relative ease. His best weapon, WR Deandre Hopkins is Questionable with a lingering ankle injury, but he’s been playing through it so far and it hasn’t seemed to slow him much. I think this is the week the magic runs out for the Seahawks, and they take their first L of the season. Russell Wilson can’t bail them out EVERY time. Probably. This game is likely to be the stylistic opposite of the Monday nighter, because...

MNF: Chicago Bears at Los Angeles Rams (-6)

...all signs point to this being a butt-ugly game. I like good defense, don’t get me wrong, but nobody should purposely watch Nick Foles and Jared Goff play QB against competent defenses. I suppose I can see some entertainment value in getting to see both Aaron Donald and Khalil Mack torment quarterbacks in the same game, but I think I’m gonna pass for the same reason that I don’t really like to watch animals get eaten in nature shows. I get that it’s the way things are meant to happen, but damn. I’m a real wimp, by the way.

Last Week’s Record: 7-7

Season Record: 44-38-4

#Sports!#Football #NFL #Gambling

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dannybnnt · 7 years ago

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I have no clever title for this

Summary: When Dan is confronted by Avery at the office, Isley overhears a conversation that is cause for concern.

@isleydrewwhittaker

Isley - 03/31/2018 Isley and Daniel had been having a relatively normal day. That was, until Avery came barging in the office and straight into Dan’s office. Isley was in such shock, all she did was gape. This must be about the Instagram post... she thought to herself. After a few minutes, she heard Avery yell. “You slept with my best friend?” Wait, what? Isley hadn’t known that. Daniel had said that he never cheated on Avery. Deciding to give him the benefit of the doubt, she thought that maybe they had slept together after they were broken up. But wait...Avery’s best friend? The one they had seen in New York? That was low of him. Finally, Avery stormed out of the office and Isley tentatively went to Daniel. “So...that was weird.” She decided to start amicably.(edited) Daniel - 03/31/2018 As if Daniel's day couldn't get worse, Isley came walking in right after Avery had left. He was looking at his computer and he had no plans to look away from it but he knew that might make things a lot worse. "Yeah, it was." He said with a nervous laugh, trying to brush the situation off. Isley - 03/31/2018 “I just wanna let you know...she was really loud. I know I could hear some of it, so that might mean Drew did.” Isley really wanted to confront him about what she had heard, but he had been through so much lately that she couldn’t bring herself to. Daniel - 03/31/2018 He sighed "In other words, you heard everything." He sat back and looked her over. "Let's get this horrible conversation over with." Isley - 03/31/2018 “I did.” She nodded grimly. “You really want to talk about this now? I mean, I know I usually like to talk about things as soon as they happen, but I figured you’d like some peace and quiet for a little.” Daniel - 03/31/2018 "I'm not thrilled about having this conversation at all but I've learned that not talking about things doesn't work with you, so I will talk about it." He got up so he could shut the door. Isley - 03/31/2018 Isley smiled sadly. At least he was being somewhat considerate of her. “You told me you didn’t cheat on her.”(edited) Daniel - 03/31/2018 "I didn't... Necessarily cheat on her. She had kicked me out of the house and told me it was over, so in my head it was over." Isley - 03/31/2018 “That makes sense. How long did it continue?” Daniel - 03/31/2018 "I don't know.. A few months... To a year." He admitted. Isley - 03/31/2018 “So a year. And you did get back with Avery during that, right?” Daniel - 03/31/2018 "Kind of. I didn't sleep with her while Avery and I were working on things but we fought a lot during that time so.. It's messy." Isley - 03/31/2018 “Okay, so you you...half cheated on her, I guess?” Daniel - 03/31/2018 He hadn't ever really considered it cheating before but as he explained it to Isley the situation was clear. "I cheated on her." Isley - 03/31/2018 “Okay, and you lied to me about it. Why?” Daniel - 03/31/2018 "Because it wasn't like I stepped out on a happy marriage and ruined everything. Things had already fallen apart. Avery and I were having sex like... Once a month or something." Isley - 03/31/2018 Isley sighed. “That’s not an excuse. For cheating on her or for lying to me.” Daniel - 03/31/2018 "Look, I know. I fucked up. I don't feel great about any of that." Isley - 03/31/2018 She was silent for a moment. “Okay.” She said simply. Daniel - 03/31/2018 "Okay?" He responded. "We good?" Isley - 03/31/2018 She moved to him and sat on his lap. Nodding, she said, “Yeah, baby. We’re good.” Daniel - 03/31/2018 He didn't want to admit it but he really did need comfort then. He wrapped his arms around her "I think I just lost a client." He joked lightly. Isley - 03/31/2018 “Daniel!” Isley said, slapping his arm, then wrapping hers around his neck. “Do you think the firm will survive?” She asked dramatically. Daniel - 03/31/2018 "I just don't know. We're a new firm, this could give us a bad name." He smiled playfully. Isley - 03/31/2018 “Oh, God! You’re gonna be poor! Whatever will we do?” She said, leaning back and putting her hand to her forehead like Scarlett O’Hara.(edited) Daniel - 03/31/2018 "You're gonna have to pay the bills, I guess." He shrugged. Isley - 03/31/2018 “I’m gonna have to become a stripper!” She said. “My name would be Bambi, I think. Gives a false sense of innocence.” Isley jokes. Daniel - 03/31/2018 "Bambi? I don't want a stripper girlfriend named Bambi. That's just.. Wrong." Isley - 03/31/2018 “Don’t get poor then!” Daniel - 03/31/2018 "Fine! I'll work a little harder." He sighed. Isley - 03/31/2018 “Okay, okay, I guess I won’t have to become a stripper then.” She laughed. Daniel - 03/31/2018 "Thank God." He laughed. "I really thought today might be a good day." Isley - 03/31/2018 “It still can be, baby! We can do something fun.” Daniel - 03/31/2018 "Like what?" Isley - 03/31/2018 “Make a baby.” Isley wiggled her eyebrows at Daniel. Daniel - 03/31/2018 "You really wanna go fuck after all that?" He asked with a laugh. "Cause I am down." Isley - 03/31/2018 “I mean...” She laughed. “We could also go find stuff for the new house, or a location or something.” Daniel - 03/31/2018 "No, I want to make babies. You already said it. Can't take it back." Isley - 03/31/2018 She laughed again. “Okay, okay. Baby making it is.” Daniel - 03/31/2018 "Okay, I just gotta do a few more things here and then we can go home." he gave her a kiss. Isley - 03/31/2018 “Just like that?” She asked as she pulled away. Daniel - 03/31/2018 "Just like what?" Isley - 03/31/2018 “We’re just gonna leave? What time is it?” She chuckled. Daniel - 03/31/2018 "It's..." He looked at the clock. "10:30. But I've had a shitty week and I was planning to be half a bottle down by noon anyways, so this might be a better option." April 1, 2018 Isley - 04/01/2018 “Yeah, because we said we’d stop drinking so much.” Isley pointed out. Daniel - 04/01/2018 "Well.. I changed my mind about that." He shrugged. Isley - 04/01/2018 “Or we can just make an exception.” She suggested. “Alright, baby, I’ll let you finish workin’ so we can get home.” She pressed her lips against his. Daniel - 04/01/2018 He kissed her back and let her begin to go before he grabbed her hand. "Isley, I love you. A lot. I'm sorry that I have done bad things and that I still probably do questionable things. I don't deserve you." Isley - 04/01/2018 She gently placed her hands on either side of his face. “Hush. I love you a lot, too. No matter what. And don’t say that kind of thing, you deserve everything.” Daniel - 04/01/2018 He gave her a small smile "I'm trying hard to like.. Be different in our relationship. That's why I'm choosing you over work today." Isley - 04/01/2018 “That means a lot to me, baby. It shows me that you want us to work.” She smiled softly. “But if you really do need to work today, don’t stop because of me.” Daniel - 04/01/2018 "I can take the afternoon off." He assured her. "I'm not that irresponsible." He laughed. Isley - 04/01/2018 Her soft smile turned into wide one. “Okay, you don’t have to tell me twice.” Daniel - 04/01/2018 "Good. Go get to work." He smiled playfully. Isley - 04/01/2018 “Sir yes sir.” She said, saluting him before returning to her desk. She was surprised to find herself walking out of the conversation happy, she had expected to get in a fight but was thankful they hadn’t. Daniel - 04/01/2018 He watched her walk away with a small smile. He was honestly surprised that a fight hadn't broke out but it left him feeling confident that the two of them could do this together. He went back to working, getting everything he needed to get done. When he was finished, he walked out and approached her desk. "Should we go grab some lunch?" Isley - 04/01/2018 She looked up at Dan as he approached her desk, smiling at his question. “Always.” Daniel - 04/01/2018 "I was thinking we could go grab something to make lunch at home?" He offered as he grabbed her hand. Isley - 04/01/2018 “Sounds good, love.” She said, grabbing her coat as they left.

Daniel - 04/01/2018 "What do you feel like having? Soup and sandwiches? A salad?" Isley - 04/01/2018 “A salad actually sounds pretty good right now. Dear god, who am I?” Daniel - 04/01/2018 He chuckled "We'll put some bacon in it to make you feel a little better." Isley - 04/01/2018 “Yeah, I think I’m gonna get one of the buffalo chicken ones so there’s still some fried chicken in it.” Daniel - 04/01/2018 "That actually sounds so good. Why am I trying to be healthy again?" Isley - 04/01/2018 Isley shrugged. “I said I was going to be, too, but it’s not workin’ so well for me.” Daniel - 04/01/2018 "A few years ago, I was doing so good. I seriously ate nothing but good shit. Now I just wanna eat everything greasy." Isley - 04/01/2018 She laughed. “You’re welcome for that. I think that might be my fault.” Daniel - 04/01/2018 "I think I might have gotten into too much of a fuck it mode for a while." He laughed. Isley - 04/01/2018 “Probably. You’re still hot as fuck, though.” She smirked up at him playfully. Daniel - 04/01/2018 "Why thank you, baby." He looked at her with a grin. "You're pretty hot yourself." Isley - 04/01/2018 She flipped her hair over her shoulder. “We’re a good lookin’ couple if I do say so myself.” Daniel - 04/01/2018 "We really are. I think you're my perfect match." Isley - 04/01/2018 “Awwwww.” She said with a smile as they got in the car. “Alright, so let’s go get some good healthy food. It sounds like an oxymoron to me, but...” Daniel - 04/01/2018 "It sounds like you're trying to convince yourself here." He laughed as he began to drive. Isley - 04/01/2018 “That’s because I am! I don’t want to do this, but we’re in this together, goddamnit!” Daniel - 04/01/2018 "If you don't want to go on a diet, you don't need to do it with me. Honestly, I just want to feel better. Maybe it's the alcohol or something but I'm probably too old to be eating and drinking the way I am." Isley - 04/01/2018 “I just wanna eat more nutritiously, that way I’ll be in the habit of it for when we get pregnant.” She shrugged. “Speaking of, it’s so weird to me that we’re not the same age. Like, we feel the same age to me.” Daniel - 04/01/2018 "That makes sense. I think that's a good motivation for both of us to be healthier. That way we can make healthy choices for them too." He smiled. "I mean, we're not that far apart. Like what? 7 years?" Isley - 04/01/2018 “Exactly. Especially since whatever I put in my body, they have to eat too. Even while I’m breastfeeding.” She took his hand. “Yeah, I think so. 7 years isn’t bad at all, I just feel like we’re the same age.” She shrugged, not knowing how to describe it. Daniel - 04/01/2018 "Do you feel like you're older or I'm younger?" He gave her a playful smile. He let go of her hand so he could park at the grocery store and stepped out to open her door for her before taking her hand once more. Isley - 04/01/2018 “Mmmm....I’m older. No, you’re younger. I don’t know, we met in the middle.” She said, laughing and entering the store. Daniel - 04/01/2018 "I don't know which one I find more reasonable." He shook his head with a laugh. "This reminds me, we actually need to go grocery shopping soon. I mean, we probably could right now I guess." Isley - 04/01/2018 “Why wouldn’t we just go right now, weirdo?” She teased him and grabbed a cart. Daniel - 04/01/2018 "Because... There was sex on the table and grocery shopping prolongs the fun." He gave her a playful smile. Isley - 04/01/2018 “Isn’t anticipation suppose to make it better or something? And for the record, sex is always on the table. Oh babe, we should have sex on a table!” Daniel - 04/01/2018 His hand moved to her back as they walked. "Sex on a table sounds fun." He agreed. "So... I suck at actual shopping. Avery or the maid always kept my house stocked and here I've just been winging it. I feel like If we're really gonna eat better, we need to keep the kitchen full of food so we aren't eating out so much." April 2, 2018 Isley - Last Monday at 3:20 AM “How can someone suck at grocery shopping?” Isley said laughing. “And yeah, ideally we would have meal prepped but that’s okay. We can just cook from what ingredients we have instead of vice verse.” Daniel - Last Monday at 7:03 AM "I don't know, I can't do the whole buying things I actually need." he said with a laugh. "Okay, yeah. So let's get just like... Everything we might need over the next couple of weeks." Isley - Last Monday at 7:32 AM “Okay,” She agreed as they strolled down the aisles. While they were walking, she grabbed some basics that they would need. Daniel - Last Monday at 9:23 AM Daniel grabbed things he thought they would need, then extra things like cereal for Ellie. "Think we have everything?" Isley - Last Monday at 9:26 AM She began ticking off items aloud as she looked through the cart. “Vegetables, sides, meats...stuff for lunches...and Ellie-food. Yeah, I think we’re good, baby.” Daniel - Last Monday at 9:30 AM He led them to the checkout and waited in the short line before putting everything on the counter to be scanned. As he waited for the cashier to scan everything, he put his arm around Isley and kissed her forehead. Isley - Last Monday at 9:33 AM She smiled widely as Daniel showed her affection, leaning further into him. “How long have you two been together?” The cashier asked them with a smile. Isley laughed and looked up at Daniel before turning back to the cashier. “Not too long.” She replied as Daniel paid. Daniel - Last Monday at 9:38 AM Daniel grabbed his wallet as Isley talked to the cashier. It was weird to think that they had only been together for about a month, because it almost felt like they had been together the entire time they knew one another. Once he had the receipt in hand, he headed out to his car and put the groceries in the back. Isley - Last Monday at 9:43 AM She tried to help Daniel put the groceries in the car, but she blinked and he had finished. When they got back in the car, she took his hand and sang along to the radio. Daniel - Last Monday at 9:44 AM He held her hand in the car, smiling as she sang. He like that even though things had been tense this week, things still felt easy with her. When they got back to his apartment, he carried as many bags as he could, leaving only a couple for Isley to carry and led the way up to their apartment. In the kitchen, he began to put things where they belonged but left out what they'd need to make salads. Isley - Last Monday at 9:49 AM Isley laughed as Daniel loaded up his arms with as many bags as possible. “You’re like the hulk!” She teased, grabbing the last few bags and following him inside. As he put stuff away, Isley began to make their salads. “Lunch is served!” She said when she finished, passing him a bowl. Daniel - Last Monday at 9:51 AM He laughed at her comment "Hulk's gonna smash later too." He wagged his eyebrows at her. He sat down as she served their salad and began to eat. "Thank you, baby. It's good." Isley - Last Monday at 9:53 AM “I hate you.” She teased again, though she was laughing. “Thanks for buyin’.” She countered. Daniel - Last Monday at 9:54 AM "You love it." He grinned, pleased with his joke. "You're welcome, baby. This is like.. The most domestic thing we have ever done." Isley - Last Monday at 10:00 AM “I do, I do.” She conceded. “It makes me happy. I like being domestic with you.” Daniel - Last Monday at 10:07 AM "I like being domestic with you too." He smiled at her. "I spoke with a realtor about finding some land and he said he had some great properties for sale." Isley - Last Monday at 10:13 AM “Ooo, that’s exciting! I can’t believe we’re gonna have a house.” Daniel - Last Monday at 10:14 AM "I'm really excited. I need to just set aside some time to go look at these properties. Ideally, this is where we're gonna spend the rest of our lives so it needs to be awesome." Isley - Last Monday at 10:24 AM She smiled at his words, specifically the rest of our lives. “It will definitely be awesome, I have no doubt.” Daniel - Last Monday at 10:25 AM "Yep, and then we can fill it with babies and dogs." Isley - Last Monday at 10:32 AM “God, I love you.” Isley said as she finished her salad. Daniel - Last Monday at 10:33 AM "I love you." He replied and stood up to clean up after their meal. Isley - Last Monday at 10:37 AM She followed him into the kitchen, wrapping her arms around his waist from behind , one hand trailing a bit downwards to the line of his pants. Daniel - Last Monday at 10:38 AM He smirked as she hugged him, his hands still rinsing off the dishes. "Well hello there." Isley - Last Monday at 10:41 AM One hand dipped below his boxers, just slightly, teasingly. “Hi, Mr. Bennett.” Daniel - Last Monday at 11:07 AM "You already wanna practice making babies?" He asked jokingly. Isley - Last Monday at 11:07 AM Isley smirked, but pulled away from him. “Unless you have something better to do.” Daniel - Last Monday at 11:09 AM "Never." He turned around and grabbed her arm to pull her close again. Isley - Last Monday at 11:11 AM She wrapped her arms around his neck as he pulled her into him. “That’s what I thought.”

Daniel - Last Monday at 11:13 AM He pressed his lips to hers in a kiss that quickly turned heated, his hands moving down her back to her ass so he could hold her against him. Isley - Last Monday at 11:26 AM Isley moaned against Dan’s lips as he gripped her ass and pulled her close. She tore her lips away from his momentarily, whispering, “Is Ellie home?” Daniel - Last Monday at 11:40 AM "I don't know. Call her name." he laughed. Isley - Last Monday at 11:45 AM “Ellie! You have five seconds to evacuate!” She called out before pressing her lips back to his desperately. Daniel - Last Monday at 11:48 AM He chuckled against her lips, kissing her back for a moment. "I'll hurry and text her." Isley - Last Monday at 11:49 AM She groaned as he broke their kiss to text her, but didn’t budge from her position of hanging off him. Daniel - Last Monday at 12:04 PM Daniel threw his phone onto the counter and wrapped his arms around her again "She said she's leaving." He said as he picked her up to set her on the counter, where he wouldn't have to lean over so much. Isley - Last Monday at 12:06 PM “Good.” She said, yelping a little as he easily picked her up and set her on the counter. She wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him close to her, finding his lips with hers. Daniel - Last Monday at 12:07 PM He kissed her heatedly until he heard the apartment door shut, then he pulled Isley's shirt off and moved his lips to her neck as he undid her bra. Isley - Last Monday at 12:08 PM She moaned as his lips found the soft spot on her neck, her hands moving quickly to unbutton his shirt and shove it aside. Daniel - Last Monday at 12:11 PM He playfully nipped at her neck before deciding he probably shouldn't leave his mark on her.. At least no there. Throwing her bra to the side, his hand moved to her breast. "You're really so fucking hot, baby." He said as his lips moved back to hers.(edited) Isley - Last Monday at 12:14 PM She arched her back, pressing her chest into his hands. She smirked at his words, kissing him heatedly. Nipping at his lower lip, she ordered, “Daniel, table.” Daniel - Last Monday at 12:15 PM He couldn't help but laugh at the fact that she was so set on having sex on the table. She was really a woman after his own heart. He picked her up again and carried her to the table, gently setting her down on the wood. Deciding to fast track this situation, he undid his jeans and pushed them down his legs. Isley - Last Monday at 12:17 PM “Shut up.” She muttered as Daniel laughed at her, but quieted as he placed her on the table. As she watched Daniel pull down his pants, immensely grateful she was wearing a skirt. “Fuck, you’re so sexy, Daniel.” She said, pulling him to her by his waist. Daniel - Last Monday at 12:20 PM "You are. I fucking love you so much." He didn't know when he became the kind of person who said that as often as he was with her but it came easily for him. He moved his hands up her thighs and pushed her panties to the side so he could tease her clit. Isley - Last Monday at 12:22 PM “I love you, baby.” She replied, but her words quickly gave way to moans as Daniel expertly worked her clit. “Fuck, I need you now.” Daniel - Last Monday at 12:42 PM He kept her underwear pushed to the side as he pushed into her, his hand on her breast as he began to pump his hips. Isley - Last Monday at 12:48 PM She let out a loud scream as he entered her, gripping his ass to take him as deep as possible. She brought her feet onto the table as well, moving one over his shoulder. Daniel - Last Monday at 12:51 PM Daniel groaned, loving that Isley always tried to get him deep. He turned his head to kiss her ankle sweetly before he began to move roughly into her. Isley - Last Monday at 12:53 PM Smiling at his kiss, she moved her other ankle up to his shoulder as well just as he began to fuck her. “Jesus, I’m already fucking close. You’re too good, baby.” She groaned. Daniel - Last Monday at 12:55 PM He had been thinking about this moment from the second she left his office that morning so he honestly could have cum right then as well. He pushed harder into her until he couldn't hold off "I'm close-" He said just as his jaw dropped and his body tensed with release. Isley - Last Monday at 1:01 PM Her body began to shake with her orgasm right as Daniel filled her with his cum. “Jesus Christ!” She panted. Daniel - Last Monday at 1:12 PM He rest his hand on the table, sighing as he came down. "That didn't last nearly long enough." he laughed. Isley - Last Monday at 1:13 PM She laughed with him. “I know, I was torn between needing to cum and wanting it to last longer. Guess which one won.” Daniel - Last Monday at 1:15 PM "That's okay. It was still awesome and I came hard. That's all I can ask for." he leaned down to kiss her. Isley - Last Monday at 1:22 PM Giggling, she kissed him back and sat up, adjusting her panties and skirt. “It was awesome indeed. Next time you’ll have to bend me over it.” Daniel - Last Monday at 1:27 PM "I agree with that." he pulled away and grabbed his pants. "Why don't we get dressed and we can go look at some property?" Isley - Last Monday at 1:35 PM “Sounds good, love. Have I told you that I think being with you has changed my style? Look, I’m wearing tweed and-well I was wearing cashmere.” She gestured to her sweater on the floor. Daniel - Last Monday at 1:36 PM "Yes you have." he laughed. "I think that might be Ellie's doing though." Isley - Last Monday at 1:39 PM “Maybe. Although I think Ellie would have me wearing stuff a little more...promiscuous than this.” She laughed as she grabbed her bra and hooked it, before pulling her sweater on. “I think I’m stuck.” She said as the turtleneck part covered her face. Daniel - Last Monday at 3:20 PM He laughed as he pulled at her sweater. "Better?" He asked her face appeared. Isley - Last Monday at 3:21 PM “Mmhmm.” She said pitifully, looking up at Daniel with a pout, her hair crazy. Daniel - Last Monday at 3:22 PM He looked down at her with an amused smile. "You're so cute." He gave her a kiss. Isley - Last Monday at 3:24 PM Her pout turned to a smile as she kissed him back. Fixing her hair, she slid her heels on. “Okay, I’m ready, baby.” Daniel - Last Monday at 3:26 PM "I'm gonna go put comfier clothes on. I feel like a dick when I wear this outside of work." He said and disappeared into the bedroom so he could change into jeans and a T-shirt. He walked back out and put shoes on before heading out of the door and back to his car. Isley - Last Monday at 3:29 PM “Wait, if you’re changing then I’m changing too.” She said, following him into their room and exchanging her skirt for jeans and her heels for booties. She left the sweater on, figuring it was cold, then followed him to the car.(edited) Daniel - Last Monday at 3:34 PM He got into his car and pulled his phone out. "I'll search the properties for sale outside of the city. " Picking an address, he put it into his GPS and let it lead the way. As he drove, he reached for her hand. "I hope you get pregnant soon. I kind of don't care if you're pregnant before we have the house." Isley - Last Monday at 3:36 PM Isley brought his hand to her lips, kissing it gently. “Me, neither. Guess we’re gonna have to do a lot more baby-makin’, then.” Daniel - Last Monday at 3:38 PM He playfully sighed "Someone's gotta do it." Isley - Last Monday at 3:39 PM “It just so happens to be us.” She joked along with him. “We have no choice, really.” Daniel - Last Monday at 3:44 PM "Nope. Guess we better step it up a little." He joked Isley - Last Monday at 3:52 PM “Gonna start having to do two-a-days.” She said, laughing. “So has Ellie said anything about coming with us?” Daniel - Last Monday at 3:53 PM "Such a shame." he gave her a smile. "she hasn't, no. Do you think she will?" Isley - Last Monday at 3:54 PM “I think so. Do you mind if I text her and ask?” Daniel - Last Monday at 3:55 PM "Of course not." he shrugged. Isley - Last Monday at 4:00 PM “Done.” She said after the sent the text. “So how far is this first location from the office?” Daniel - Last Monday at 4:02 PM "It's a little far... Like 25 minutes or so. But we want a place outside of the city, right?" Isley - Last Monday at 4:04 PM “Yeah, in case Rufus or the kids run into the street or something, it’ll be safer. 25 minutes isn’t that bad, anyways.” Daniel - Last Monday at 4:05 PM "No it isn't. It's about the same commute I was making in New York."

Isley-Last Monday at 4:07 PM

“It’s worth the drive.” She nodded, squeezing his hand. “So how many places are we looking at today?”

Daniel-Last Monday at 4:07 PM

"I don't know, I figured we could just go drive by a few. Maybe look around."

Isley-Last Monday at 4:08 PM

“Sounds good to me, baby.” She said before turning up the radio and singing along loudly.

Daniel-Last Monday at 4:21 PM

Daniel drove to a spot in a neighborhood, something he wasn't particularly fond of. "Do we want neighbors?" He asked with a laugh as he pulled up to the first spot. "It's not as big as I thought it was."

Isley-Last Monday at 4:24 PM

“Meh. Neighbors can be a hit or miss.” She shrugged. “Yeah, I think this place is a little too small. Next?”

Daniel-Last Monday at 4:26 PM

He put the next address in and headed that way. "I picture somewhere we can have a little land. "

Isley-Last Monday at 4:27 PM

She nodded. “I agree. Space for the dogs to run and for a playground, or a pool at some point.”

Daniel-Last Monday at 4:30 PM

"Exactly. When all is said and done with this house business, I should get about 10-15 million dollars back. So hopefully Avery sells it by the time we start this process and the money can just go toward that."

Isley-Last Monday at 4:31 PM

“Jesus fuck!” Isley exclaimed, absolutely shocked.

Daniel-Last Monday at 4:31 PM

"What?" He asked with a laugh.

Isley-Last Monday at 4:31 PM

“That’s a fuck ton of fucking money! Wait, are you already a millionaire?” She asked incredulously.(edited)

Daniel-Last Monday at 4:34 PM

"How do you think I bought that house?" He gave her a playful smile. "Avery and I were very good with our money, that's all. I had a lot of high profile clients in New York as well."

Isley-Last Monday at 4:35 PM

“I’m gonna throw up.” She replied. “I mean, I knew you were rich but like, what the fuck!”

Daniel-Last Monday at 4:36 PM

"Well... Now you know." He shrugged.

Isley-Last Monday at 4:36 PM

“At least you know I’m not in it for the money now.” She said with a laugh.

Daniel-Last Monday at 4:37 PM

"I already knew that or you would have let me pay your rent." He pointed out.

Isley-Last Monday at 4:38 PM

“Good point. Okay, so now that I’m thoroughly shook, where’s the next place?”

Daniel-Last Monday at 4:38 PM

"The GPS says 5 more miles. I think it's set against a lake and I kind of like that idea."

Isley-Last Monday at 4:39 PM

“Oh wow, sounds pretty. We’ll just have to keep an eye on the babies so they don’t like, drown or something.”

Daniel-Last Monday at 4:40 PM

"I'm sure we could build a fence until they're older." He shrugged. "Or block off the porch."

Isley-Last Monday at 4:42 PM

“Another good point. You’re so smart, baby.” She said with a smile.

Daniel-Last Monday at 4:43 PM

"Yeah, I know." He gave her a playful smirk as he parked in front of the property. He looked over at it and smiled "You know.. I can feel this place. It seems like it could work."

Isley-Last Monday at 4:43 PM

“Let’s get out and look around.” She suggested, stepping out of the car.

Daniel-Last Monday at 4:44 PM

He got out and began to walk around the property, imagining the house sitting on it. He grabbed Isley's hand and looked over at her. "What do you think?"

Isley-Last Monday at 4:44 PM

Smiling up at him, she tucked herself under his arm and hugged his waist. “It’s perfect.”

Daniel-Last Monday at 4:45 PM

"I think so too. I'll talk to the realtor and see how much it is.. Or maybe I'll just try to figure out who owns it and offer them cash so we don't have to deal with a realtor."

Isley-Last Monday at 4:46 PM

“Whatever you think is best, baby.” She said, before stepping away from him, giving him a look, and taking off running.

Daniel-Last Monday at 4:47 PM

He looked at her with confusion before following after her "Where are you going?"

Isley-Last Monday at 4:48 PM

“We gotta go exploring!” She shouted to him.

Daniel-Last Monday at 4:49 PM

"Exploring?" He called out with a laugh but followed behind her.

Isley-Last Monday at 4:54 PM

“This is our house! Let’s check it out.” She said as she disappeared into the woods behind the lake.

Daniel-Last Monday at 4:55 PM

He followed after "This is how horror movies start, baby." He joked.

Isley-Last Monday at 4:57 PM

“Oh, c’mon, you can protect me.” She countered, waiting for a moment for him to catch up before throwing her arms around his neck and pressing herself to him.(edited)

Daniel-Last Monday at 4:59 PM

He wrapped his arms around her "What if I'm what you need protecting from?" He said with a smirk before giving his best evil laugh.

Isley-Last Monday at 5:02 PM

“Oh, no! Please!” She exclaimed, feigning terror.

Daniel-Last Monday at 5:02 PM

"I've got you now!" He picked her up slightly.

Isley-Last Monday at 5:03 PM

Isley squealed and tried hard not to laugh. “Please, I’ll do anything!”

Daniel-Last Monday at 5:03 PM

"Anything?" He asked with a smirk.

Isley-Last Monday at 5:05 PM

“Anything.” She replied, her eyelids slightly heavy with lust.

Daniel-Last Monday at 5:07 PM

"Well, I can think of a way I'll let you go."

Isley-Last Monday at 5:09 PM

“Oh? What is it?” She said, beginning to pepper kisses along his chest and neck.

Daniel-Last Monday at 5:09 PM

"It involves you on your knees... You willing to do that here?"

Isley-Last Monday at 5:10 PM

“Sounds...exciting.” She wiggled in his arms, trying to get her feet back down on the ground so she could do as he asked.

Daniel-Last Monday at 5:18 PM

He was really surprised she said yes to what he wanted. He let her down and gave her a kiss.

Isley-Last Monday at 5:19 PM

She kissed him back quickly before dropping to her knees and quickly undoing his pants. After sliding his jeans and boxers down, Isley looked around the forest. Seemed empty enough. Without any further hesitation, she took him in her mouth.

Daniel-Last Monday at 5:20 PM

Daniel watched her in awe. "Baby, you don't have to actually-" He was stopped as her lips touched him. His hand moved to push her hair out of her face.

Isley-Last Monday at 5:25 PM

She pulled back a little, her lips still on his head. “Shut up.” She commanded before taking him all the way to the back of her throat, gagging lightly.

Daniel-Last Monday at 5:28 PM

"Oh, fuck." He grabbed her hair. "You're so fucking hot.. I love the way you look when you're going down on me."

Isley-Last Monday at 5:32 PM

Smirking up at him, she continued what she was doing. Her eyes started to water as she gagged, but she ignored it and started using a hand to massage his balls.

Daniel-Last Monday at 5:33 PM

He groaned, his hips moving into her just slightly. "You're gonna make me cum baby."

Isley-Last Monday at 5:34 PM

Pulling away again, she asked, “Do you wanna cum in my mouth or my pussy?”

Daniel-Last Monday at 5:36 PM

"Pussy." He said breathlessly.

Isley-Last Monday at 5:37 PM

Nodding, she stood and quickly pulled one leg out of her jeans, then shoved them down the other. She pulled Daniel to her, kissing him heatedly.

Daniel-Last Monday at 5:38 PM

He kissed her back and lifted her up "How should we do this? Just standing?"

Isley-Last Monday at 5:40 PM

“Tree.” She muttered against his lips as she wrapped her legs around his waist, holding herself a little higher so that she could feel his tip against her.

Daniel-Last Monday at 5:41 PM

"Will that hurt?" He asked but walked to the tree beside them.

Isley-Last Monday at 5:42 PM

“Don’t care.” She said breathlessly, rubbing herself along his head and sucking on his neck.

Daniel-Last Monday at 5:43 PM

He pressed her against the tree, done with the teasing, and he pushed into her with a low groan.

Isley-Last Monday at 5:44 PM

As he entered her, Isley exhaled with a low moan. She didn’t think she’d ever be fucked in a forest, but here she was. With one hand tangled in his hair, the other raked down his back.

Daniel-Last Monday at 5:45 PM

He wasted no time in building his rhythm, knowing they couldn't have long drawn out sex in the middle of the forest when they had no idea who could be around.

Isley-Last Monday at 5:49 PM

She pulled at his hair, then moved one hand down to her clit and began to rub it. She bounced on his dick as much as she could manage in their position.

Daniel-Last Monday at 5:49 PM

Daniel roughly pushed into her, his hand tightly gripping her leg as he did so. She already had him so close before that he was on the verge. "I'm cumming." He said as he began to unravel.

Isley-Last Monday at 5:51 PM

Every time he thrust into her, Isley’s back rammed against some part of the tree, but she was too focused on the pleasure to pay it any attention. Her sex began to spasm around his as she began to cum, her fingers on her clit combined with his words pushing her over the edge.

Daniel-Last Monday at 5:52 PM

He watched her come undone before pulling out of her and setting her down. He gave her a kiss "You're so awesome."

Isley-Last Monday at 5:58 PM

“You’re not so bad yourself.” She said, kissing him back and redressing. After she was finished, she turned to the tree to see what had been digging into her skin. “Babe, look at this. Are these...rungs or something?”

Daniel-Last Monday at 6:00 PM

Dan looked at the tree and ran his hand over one of the rungs. "It looks like it. Stay here." He said, knowing the rungs looked a little worse for the wear. He climbed up the tree and found a treehouse, not a very exciting one but a treehouse nonetheless. Peaking his head out of one of the windows, he looked down at her. "There's a treehouse up here!"

Isley-Last Monday at 6:07 PM

She watched with excitement as he disappeared from view. Then, she saw his head pop out and he spoke. “Oh my god!” She said before climbing up after him. “This is awesome!”

Daniel-Last Monday at 6:07 PM

He grabbed her hand at the top because the top of the ladder was broken. "I love it. This is pretty awesome. We could fix it up for our kids."

Isley-Last Monday at 6:10 PM

“We’re absolutely doing that. One day they’re gonna say, Mommy, Daddy, how’d you find this? and we’re gonna say, We were making you!”

Daniel-Last Monday at 6:11 PM

"That's fucked up." He laughed as he crawled around to look at everything.

Isley-Last Monday at 6:16 PM

“Shut up.” She teased him. “This is pretty big!”

Daniel-Last Monday at 6:16 PM

"Yeah it is. I wonder how old it is. " He finally sat down in the middle.

Isley-Last Monday at 6:36 PM

She shrugged. "Seems sturdy enough. Once we fix it up, we could picnic out here and stuff."

Daniel-Last Monday at 6:40 PM

"That would be fun." He nodded his head. "I think it could be a fun place to be."

Isley-Last Monday at 6:42 PM

“We could put some rugs down, maybe a loveseat or something. We could make this pretty cool.”

Daniel-Last Monday at 6:43 PM

"Yeah, once we give it a little better of a foundation. Maybe that's something Cory and I can do if I can ever get him out here."

Isley-Last Monday at 6:44 PM

“I hope you can. I liked him and his girlfriend a lot, I’d love to see them again.”

Daniel-Last Monday at 7:33 PM

"Yeah, I would really love it if he would just like move here. But he won't even come to Chicago so fat chance." He laughed.

Isley-Last Monday at 7:34 PM

“I’m sure we can convince him to come somehow. I mean, there’s no way he’s gonna miss meeting your adorable babies, so...” She teased.

Daniel-Last Monday at 7:35 PM

"I think he would come here for that." He laughed. "It's weird to say but I really miss him. I mean, we've been best friends our entire lives. I spent like every second with him until the last few years."(edited)

Isley-Last Monday at 7:36 PM

“That’s not weird at all, babe.” She said with a sweet smile. She was quiet for a moment before speaking again. “Do you think your mom will like me?” She asked softly.

Daniel-Last Monday at 7:38 PM

Daniel considered her question "I think so, yeah. "

Isley-Last Monday at 7:45 PM

Isley lit up. “Really?”

Daniel-Last Monday at 7:49 PM

"I'm honestly just hoping that my parents are at the point where they want me to be happy instead of perfect. I think my mom is a lot more likely for that than my dad."

Isley-Last Monday at 7:50 PM

“Do I make you happy enough for her to like me? I...well, it’s kind of weird, but I want her to accept me.”

Daniel-Last Monday at 7:52 PM

"Of course you do, baby. I wouldn't be doing all this house and baby stuff with you if I didn't think you were like my life partner." He pointed out. "I just.. I can't promise anything when it comes to my parents. They are severely strict about what is right and what is wrong and I haven't been able to keep up with that, ever."

Isley-Last Monday at 7:54 PM

She crawled over to Daniel and curled into him. “I love you.” She said simply. “And I don’t care what they say is right or wrong, there’s no way you and I could be wrong.”

Daniel-Last Monday at 7:55 PM

He wrapped his arms around her. "I am starting to care a lot less. I think that Avery telling me so many times that I changed has kind of made me realize that I did because I was trying so hard for my dad. I can't live my life to make him happy though. You are the biggest thing I'm doing for myself and for no other reason."

Isley-Last Monday at 8:16 PM

Smiling up at him, she kissed his cheek. “I’m glad, baby. All I wanna do is make you happy for the rest of our lives.”

Daniel-Last Monday at 8:16 PM

"You will. I know you will." He smiled. "I hope I do the same for you."

Isley-Last Monday at 8:17 PM

“Can I ask you a question...without you freaking out?”

Daniel-Last Monday at 8:17 PM

"That sounds scary but okay. Yes."

Isley-Last Monday at 8:18 PM

“We’re building a house together and we’re trying to get pregnant. Are we ever going to...” She looked for a word that was less serious than marriage. “Put a ring on it? Oh god, I quoted Beyoncé.”

Daniel-Last Monday at 8:19 PM

Daniel bit the inside of his lip, feeling nervous to talk about it. "Can I answer without you freaking out?"

Isley-Last Monday at 8:19 PM

“Also sounds scary, but yes.”

Daniel-Last Monday at 8:20 PM

He sighed as he thought of a way to put it. "I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you but... I just don't know if I can do the marriage thing again."

Isley-Last Monday at 8:21 PM

Isley nodded. She had expected that those words would have hurt her, but surprisingly they didn’t. “Okay. So not necessarily no, but not yes?”

Daniel-Last Monday at 8:22 PM

"It's no." He said softly. "It's not no to you just in general. Ending that marriage was the hardest thing I've ever had to do even though we hadn't been in love and together for years. I can't go through something like that again."

Isley-Last Monday at 8:23 PM

“No as in never?” She said shakily, but not because she was hurt. That just meant she would never get married or have a wedding, which she had always wanted.

Daniel-Last Monday at 8:24 PM

"I don't know.. Right now, I feel like I never want to get married again but maybe when I'm over everything a few years from now I'll feel different."

Isley-Last Monday at 8:25 PM

“Okay.” She nodded. “Look at us, having a serious conversation without making any assumptions!” She nudged his shoulder, trying to lighten the mood

Daniel-Last Monday at 8:25 PM

He smiled, glad that she was taking that conversation easier than he thought. "I've been working on the whole communication thing." He said with a laugh.

Isley-Last Monday at 8:26 PM

“You’re doing a lot better. I’ve been working on the whole taking things personally thing, too.”

Daniel-Last Monday at 8:28 PM

"I wasn't going to tell you this, but.. I've been seeing someone. Like to talk to about things." He scrunched his nose. "A therapist."

Isley-Last Monday at 8:29 PM

She sat up. “Really?” She asked, not judgmentally, just surprised.

Daniel-Last Monday at 8:30 PM

He looked down, embarrassed about it. "Yeah.. "

Isley-Last Monday at 8:31 PM

“I’m really proud of you, baby.” She leaned forward, tilting his head up to hers and kissing him.

Daniel-Last Monday at 8:32 PM

He looked up at her with a tentative smile. "Yeah?" He asked after their lips parted. "I'm just really scared that I'm going to fuck things up with you and I think I had a lot of things to get over. I still do."

Isley-Last Monday at 8:34 PM

Isley laughed as tears filled her eyes. She fanned herself as she said, “Oh my god, I don’t know why I’m crying.”

Daniel-Last Monday at 8:35 PM

He gave her a confused smile "I don't know either." He said with a small laugh.

Isley-Last Monday at 8:40 PM

“I lied, I do know. That’s just really sweet, that you’re doing something that’s hard for you for the sake of us, and your own well-being. And I just love you.” She took his face in her hands and kissed him, pouring her whole self into it.

Daniel-Last Monday at 8:41 PM

He kissed her back, feeling relieved to have got that off of his chest. "I love you too." He said softly.

Isley-Last Monday at 8:42 PM

“Maybe once I get my insurance figured out, I’ll see if I can go too.”(edited)

Daniel-Last Monday at 8:44 PM

"I know you don't like it when I say this but I can pay for it."

Isley-Last Monday at 8:46 PM

“I’m starting to feel less bad about that since I discovered you’re Daddy Warbucks.” She teased him, trying to avoid giving him a straight answer.

Daniel-Last Monday at 8:47 PM

"Daddy Warbucks?" He laughed. "But really, no pressure, I think it would help you. I even asked my therapist about it and she said I can't talk you into going, that it needs to be a you thing so I won't talk about it more. I'm just throwing out there that money is not an object."

Isley-Last Monday at 8:49 PM

“For you.” She said, though she was smiling.(edited)

Daniel-Last Monday at 8:50 PM

"Or for you because I'll always take care of you."

Isley-Last Monday at 8:52 PM

She sighed. “I think it would help me, too. I’m gonna need to be able to sleep without you eventually.”

Daniel-Last Monday at 8:52 PM

"The selfish part of me likes that you need me at night but I know that's not the best thing for you. You should always feel safe."

Isley-Last Monday at 8:53 PM

“I’ll always need you, all the time. No matter how safe I feel, I’ll always feel safer with you, baby. But it would be nice to not feel afraid when I’m alone.”(edited)

Daniel-Last Monday at 8:57 PM

"I think so too. And it scares me that you might be scratching yourself or doing something dangerous when you have panic attacks. I just want you to be safe and happy."

Isley-Last Monday at 8:58 PM

“I don’t realize I’m doing it when it happens, I just feel him on me and try to get him off...does that make sense?”

Daniel-Last Monday at 8:59 PM

"Yeah, I get it. I just wish I could help."(edited)

Isley-Last Monday at 9:02 PM

“You do help. Just by being there for me, and being you.” She thought for a moment. Maybe she’d let Daniel pay for her therapy. She had never thought about her PTSD affecting others, because there really hadn’t been any others before. “Okay. You can pay for it.”

Daniel-Last Monday at 9:03 PM

"Really?" He asked, perking up with a smile.

Isley-Last Monday at 9:03 PM

She laughed lightly. “Yeah, okay.”

Daniel-Last Monday at 9:04 PM

"Cool. We'll find you the best one ever."

Isley-Last Monday at 9:06 PM

“Okay, baby.” She curled up against him again. “I think we have to buy this property. You fuck on it, you buy it. I think those are the rules.”

Daniel-Last Monday at 9:07 PM

He laughed "I think that sounds like a good plan. It's pretty perfect for us."

Isley-Last Monday at 9:08 PM

“And our future little family.” She smiled up at him.

Daniel-Last Monday at 9:09 PM

"And our future family." He thought for a moment. "Maybe we should look up ways to make sure you get pregnant. Like maybe there's a certain position."

Isley-Last Monday at 9:09 PM

Isley barked a laugh. “I don’t think that’s a thing, baby.”

Daniel-Last Monday at 9:10 PM

"No? I feel like it is!"

Isley-Last Monday at 9:10 PM

“Hey, who knows, I might already be pregnant.” She shrugged.

Daniel-Last Monday at 9:13 PM

"That's true.. I guess I'm impatient because of the miscarriage."

Isley-Last Monday at 9:15 PM

“I can understand that. This baby’s gonna be amazing. Oh shit, I’ve gotta stop drinking and eating sushi, like, immediately.”

Daniel-Last Monday at 9:15 PM

"we've been pretty good about not drinking. I don't know about you but I've only drank twice since Vegas. I think we can do that."

Isley-Last Monday at 9:18 PM

“You don’t have to, but I do. I gotta follow all the rules pregnant women follow now, even though we’re still just trying.”

Daniel-Last Monday at 9:28 PM

"Ellie told me she thinks I have a drinking problem.. Do you think that's true?"

Isley-Last Monday at 9:31 PM

“I’m not sure. I mean, really, I’ve only been around you enough to know your drinking habits for the past month or so. So far, we’ve drank a lot, but we’ve only been drunk two or three times. Also, have you realized that our anniversary is Valentine's Day?"(edited)

Daniel-Last Monday at 9:39 PM

He shrugged his question off, not wanting to get too deep into that kind of thing. "It is, isn't it?" He asked with a laugh. "Do you count it though? Because you wouldn't officially be with me until I told Avery everything."

Isley-Last Monday at 9:42 PM

“I don’t know. That’s the night you told me how you felt about me, and when we had our first kiss. What would be the time we did count, other than that?”

Daniel-Last Monday at 9:42 PM

Like.. The day we left for Vermont? I'm good with Valentine's Day. Easy to remember."

Isley-Last Monday at 9:43 PM

She laughed. “Yeah, sounds good to me. Oh hey, we missed our one month anniversary!” She joked.

Daniel-Last Monday at 9:46 PM

"Oh no, don't be that girl." He laughed.

Isley-Last Monday at 9:47 PM

Isley nudged him. "Hush, you know I'm teasing."

Daniel-Last Monday at 9:48 PM

He kissed her cheek. "Yeah, thankfully. Cory dated this one girl who broke up with him because he didn't remember their 6 month anniversary."

Isley-Last Monday at 9:49 PM

"That's...wow. Seems very high school."

Daniel - Last Monday at 9:54 PM "You're amazing for a lot of reasons beyond comparison." Isley - Last Monday at 9:55 PM Instead of responding, she pressed a kiss to his lips. "Alright, baby, I think it's time to get down." Daniel - Last Monday at 9:55 PM "I like it up here." He said with a small laugh, but he began to crawl back to the exit. Isley - Last Monday at 9:58 PM “We’ll come back. Hey, we can read our kids The Magic Treehouse up here!” She suggested, following him down the tree. Daniel - Last Monday at 9:58 PM "What's that?" He asked, taking her hand once they were back on the ground. Isley - Last Monday at 10:00 PM “What did you just ask me?” She asked, shocked that he didn’t know what that was. Daniel - Last Monday at 10:03 PM "I don't know what that is." April 3, 2018 Isley - Last Tuesday at 8:56 AM “Only the best series of children’s books ever! It’s about a brother and sister who gave a-wait for it-magic treehouse that they can time travel in!” Daniel - Last Tuesday at 8:57 AM "Ah. I don't think I ever read that as a kid." he shrugged. "Sounds cute though." Isley - Last Tuesday at 9:06 AM “I read all of them, I was obsessed.” She laughed, remembering how she’d sit in the library during recess to read. “It was very cute, we’re definitely reading them to our kids.” Daniel - Last Tuesday at 10:50 AM "There are so many things I want to do with our kids. You're seriously like making my dreams come true." he squeezed her hand. Isley - Last Tuesday at 11:18 AM Isley grinned widely at him, overcome with love for him. “Mine too, baby.” Feeling her phone vibrate, she pulled it out. “Ellie said yes!” Daniel - Last Tuesday at 12:16 PM "I figured she would. Where else would she go?" Isley - Last Tuesday at 12:16 PM She shrugged. "I don't know, maybe she'd make you keep the apartment and live there." Daniel - Last Tuesday at 12:17 PM "I mean... I would help her with an apartment but a smaller one than that if it's just her." Isley - Last Tuesday at 12:19 PM "Yeah. Either way, I'm glad she's coming with us." Daniel - Last Tuesday at 12:19 PM "I am too.. Though I'm going to make sure she has her own space." Isley - Last Tuesday at 12:20 PM She laughed. "I think that's a good idea, for all of our sakes. I'm sure she'll be glad to not hear us fuck every night." Daniel - Last Tuesday at 12:22 PM "Yeah, she's been complaining about it more and more. It's not like she can't get headphones and zone us out." Isley - Last Tuesday at 12:23 PM She laughed again. "I mean, not our problem. We're having a great time." Daniel - Last Tuesday at 12:29 PM "Yeah, I'm not concerned with it. I have a hot girlfriend that I like to fuck as much as possible. It was her choice to live with me knowing this was a possibility." he shrugged. Isley - Last Tuesday at 12:32 PM "Stop, you know what talking like that does to me." She teased, bumping her hip against his. Daniel - Last Tuesday at 12:33 PM "Just looking at you does it to me." he gave her a playful smirk. Isley - Last Tuesday at 12:33 PM "Oh that was smooth, Bennett." Daniel - Last Tuesday at 12:36 PM "You like that?" He asked with a laugh. He opened the car door for her before he got in as well. "I'll work on getting that property bought. I think I've figured out which contractor I want to use too." Isley - Last Tuesday at 12:40 PM She nodded and laughed along with him as she got in the car, thanking him for opening the door. "You're quite the gentlemen, Daniel." She took his hand. "I'll let you handle that, I know nothing about this kind of stuff." Daniel - Last Tuesday at 12:41 PM "Yeah, I just don't want someone who isn't going to get this shit done fast. I don't want to wait two years for a house." he said as he began to drive. Isley - Last Tuesday at 12:43 PM "Agreed. Our house is gonna be so awesome." Daniel - Last Tuesday at 12:49 PM "It is. I'm really excited. Designing it might take some time though." Isley - Last Tuesday at 12:59 PM "That's okay, my Pinterest board is loaded with ideas." She laughed. Daniel - Last Tuesday at 12:59 PM "But like actual layouts for a house? Or just decorations?" Isley - Last Tuesday at 12:59 PM She was quiet for a moment. "Okay, you got me there." Daniel - Last Tuesday at 1:03 PM "I don't think I want the house to be as big as my other one. As much as I liked that one, a 20 million dollar house is just... Stupid. I don't know why we did that." Isley - Last Tuesday at 1:08 PM "Because you could, I guess. We really only need four or five bedrooms-one for us, a guest room, and some for kids. Then we need a gym for you and two offices for us, and maybe we can have a basement for like, a hang out space."(edited) Daniel - Last Tuesday at 1:09 PM "Yeah, I think that sounds reasonable." he nodded his head. "We can get it all figured out." Isley - Last Tuesday at 1:12 PM "Have I mentioned that I'm excited?" Daniel - Last Tuesday at 1:18 PM "I am too baby. It will be awesome." Isley - Last Tuesday at 1:28 PM "I'm also excited to have a giant belly. I'm gonna send you the weirdest selfies all the time." Daniel - Last Tuesday at 2:33 PM "I can't wait." He laughed. "you'll be so cute pregnant." Isley - Last Tuesday at 3:03 PM "I feel like my bump is gonna swallow me, I'm not that big!" Daniel - Last Tuesday at 3:07 PM "That might be true. I have the feeling I will make big babies." Isley - Last Tuesday at 3:10 PM “Good! Big fat babies are the best ones.” Daniel - Last Tuesday at 6:08 PM "They are." He laughed. "Natalie was 8 pounds. She was kind of a big baby. She came out with like perfect chubby cheeks." He smiled at the thought. Isley - Last Tuesday at 6:09 PM "Natalie? Was that your baby with Avery?" She asked. Daniel hadn't told her anything about his daughter other than she was put up for adoption after she was born. Daniel - Last Tuesday at 6:10 PM "That's what we named her. I doubt it's her actual name. The adoption counselor kept telling us not to name the baby but we couldn't help it." He shrugged. Isley - Last Tuesday at 6:11 PM "Oh," She said softly, unsure of how to respond. She settled on changing the topic instead. "Do you know what you want to name and of our babies?" Daniel - Last Tuesday at 6:14 PM "Hmm.. I don't know. I think the name Mila is pretty. What about you?" Isley - Last Tuesday at 6:16 PM "Oh my god, Daniel, that's one of my favorite names! Would you mind if...we maybe made her middle name Eloise? That's my mom's name." Daniel - Last Tuesday at 6:17 PM "Of course we can, baby. What if we have a boy?" Isley - Last Tuesday at 6:19 PM "Mila Eloise." She smiled widely, squeezing his hand. "Hmm...I haven't really thought about boy names to be honest. What about you?" Daniel - Last Tuesday at 6:24 PM "I kind of like the name Koen... What do you think?" Isley - Last Tuesday at 6:36 PM She thought for a moment. "I haven't heard that used as a first name before. What about Theodore? We could call him Theo or Teddy." Daniel - Last Tuesday at 6:37 PM Dan shrugged "I don't mind that name." Isley - Last Tuesday at 6:39 PM She laughed lightly. "I think boy names might take us a little longer to figure out. What about last names? If we're not married, then would they just take your name? Or Whittaker-Bennett?" Daniel - Last Tuesday at 6:39 PM "Well maybe just my last name, just in case." Isley - Last Tuesday at 6:40 PM She nodded. "Whittaker-Bennett is a mouthful, anyways." Daniel - Last Tuesday at 6:40 PM "Yeah and it would suck for them when they're learning to write in school." He laughed. Isley - Last Tuesday at 6:40 PM "Aww, they're gonna be so cute! I can't frickin' wait." Daniel - Last Tuesday at 6:41 PM "I can't wait either. We're gonna give some kids the best life ever."(edited) Isley - Last Tuesday at 6:42 PM "And they're gonna make our lives that much better." Daniel - Last Tuesday at 6:42 PM "Yes they are." He smiled over at her. "What else do you want to do?" Isley - Last Tuesday at 6:43 PM "Hmm...do we need to find an architect and construction crew?" Daniel - Last Tuesday at 6:43 PM "Yes, but I think the contractor I've been looking into pretty much supplies that. I should probably make an offer on that land first." Isley - Last Tuesday at 6:44 PM "Oh cool, a package deal. That makes our lives easier." Daniel - Last Tuesday at 6:47 PM "I'll talk to a buddy of mine whose an architect and see if he's able to help us out. Plus, Cory's girl is an interior designer." Isley - Last Tuesday at 7:05 PM "I'm still holding out that we can convince them to move down here." Daniel - Last Tuesday at 7:12 PM "I want him to so bad." He sighed. "All of this feelings crap has really made me like.. Appreciate the people in my life. Like you and Cory." Isley - Last Tuesday at 7:20 PM She chuckled. "Sorry to make you feel, babe." Daniel - Last Tuesday at 7:21 PM "Yeah, knock it off." He joked. "Can I ask you something? And like.. If it triggers any bad feelings you don't have to answer." Isley - Last Tuesday at 7:27 PM "Yeah, go ahead." She said softly. Daniel - Last Tuesday at 7:27 PM "What is the longest relationship you've been in?" Isley - Last Tuesday at 7:27 PM "The one I had with Julian, four years."

Daniel-Last Tuesday at 7:28 PM

Four years seemed so insignificant compared to the 15 that he had been with Avery but he couldn't fault her for that. "How many relationships have you been in?"

Isley-Last Tuesday at 7:28 PM

She shrugged. "That's...that's it."

Daniel-Last Tuesday at 7:29 PM

He nodded his head, able to accept that. "I guess we just hadn't talked about it before and I was curious."

Isley-Last Tuesday at 7:30 PM

"Yeah, I didn't date in high school, I was pretty lame. So Julian was my first and last."

Daniel-Last Tuesday at 7:30 PM

"That's not lame. High school is kind of young anyways. " He gave her a smile.

Isley-Last Tuesday at 7:31 PM

"Yeah. I wish I had dated before him, though. Maybe then I would've noticed the signs before."

Daniel-Last Tuesday at 7:31 PM

"I don't know baby, I know sometimes people like that can be manipulative."

Isley-Last Tuesday at 7:40 PM

"He definitely was manipulative."

Daniel-Last Tuesday at 7:41 PM

He felt bad for bringing up her ex again so he decided to drop it. "Am I the best sex you've ever had?" He asked jokingly.

Isley-Last Tuesday at 7:43 PM

She barked a laugh. "Yes, babe, of course. Am I?"

Daniel-Last Tuesday at 7:44 PM

"By a long shot." He said with a nod.

Isley-Last Tuesday at 7:44 PM

"Yeah, same. I told you before, I can't even make myself cum without you anymore."

Daniel-Last Tuesday at 7:45 PM

"Well I'm sure I could if I tried, but I haven't since we got together."

Isley-Last Tuesday at 7:47 PM

"I've only tried once, so maybe it was just a one time thing. I dunno, I don't really have a need to now."

Daniel-Last Tuesday at 7:48 PM

He paused, thinking about it. "It is kind of hot thinking about you touching yourself though."

Isley-Last Tuesday at 7:49 PM

"Yeah? Maybe one day I'll handcuff you to the bed and touch myself in front of you."

Daniel-Last Tuesday at 7:49 PM

"Ah, you're so fucking cool." He smirked.

Isley-Last Tuesday at 7:49 PM

"I do my best." She flipped her hair over her shoulder.

Daniel-Last Tuesday at 7:52 PM

"So.. About meeting my mom and all of that. I'm thinking that whenever I see my dad next I'll try to talk to him about us."

Isley-Last Tuesday at 7:53 PM

"Oh wow, really?"

Daniel-Last Tuesday at 7:53 PM

"Yeah, I think so. I mean, the worst that could happen is disappointment, right?"

Isley-Last Tuesday at 7:54 PM

"Yeah, but I don't want to be the cause of a worsening relationship between y'all."

Daniel-Last Tuesday at 7:54 PM

"It really can't get all that much worse." He laughed.

Isley-Last Tuesday at 7:55 PM

"Okay, then. I think it'd be cool for your parents to know about us."

Daniel-Last Tuesday at 7:58 PM

"I don't know about cool but it might alleviate some pressure."

Isley-Last Tuesday at 7:59 PM

"I mean cool as in awesome we're not a secret."

Daniel-Last Tuesday at 8:00 PM

"We're not a secret now.. We're just not... Publically displaying our relationship."

Isley-Last Tuesday at 8:02 PM

"We are, just to everyone who's not your parents."

Daniel-Last Tuesday at 8:04 PM

"Does it really bother you?"

Isley-Last Tuesday at 8:05 PM

"No, baby, I don't want to cause tension in your family. I'm just saying that it will be nice to have your parents know about me is all."

Daniel-Last Tuesday at 8:06 PM

"I'm sorry, I just get stressed out thinking about it. I don't know why I'm almost 33 years old and still need my parents to approve of everything I do."

Isley-Last Tuesday at 8:10 PM

"I think everybody wants their parents approval."

Daniel-Last Tuesday at 8:11 PM

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I just really want my dad to be proud of me. I think that us having a house, a business, and a family will really help."

Isley-Last Tuesday at 8:11 PM

"Well, as long as you're doing it for you, not to please your dad."

Daniel-Last Tuesday at 8:11 PM

"They are all things I want too." He said with a nod.

Isley-Last Tuesday at 8:27 PM

"Good, babe. I think we're gonna be very happy."

Daniel-Last Tuesday at 8:31 PM

"I know we will be. Things will be perfect."

Isley-Last Tuesday at 8:31 PM

"Well, not perfect, but pretty damn close."

Daniel-Last Tuesday at 8:34 PM

"As close as we can get." He laughed.

Isley-Last Tuesday at 9:44 PM

“Definitely. So what should we do now?”

Daniel-Last Tuesday at 9:47 PM

"I don't know, baby. We can do whatever you want. We can go home and take a nap or we could go find something to do."

Isley-Last Tuesday at 10:40 PM

“A nap sounds good. So, I asked Ellie what I should wear to work for your dad and she said no color, which made me sad.” She pouted at Daniel.

Daniel-Last Tuesday at 10:58 PM

"No color?" He asked with a laugh. "I mean, I guess he does kind of like the workplace to be super professional. But last time I checked, his secretary looked like she was about to start sucking dick on camera." He realized what he said and cleared his throat. "I mean, she just..." He scrambled for words.

Isley-Last Tuesday at 11:02 PM

Isley was silent for a moment. She wanted to burst out laughing, but the way he was rambling made her keep quiet so he would sweat it out for a few a minutes.

Daniel-Last Tuesday at 11:03 PM

"Anyways. Dress however you want." He said with a nod.

Isley-Last Tuesday at 11:04 PM

Finally, she let out a laugh. “Aw babe, you’re a little red.”

Daniel-Last Tuesday at 11:08 PM

"Stop." He said, flustered. "She was just really weird. "

Isley-Last Tuesday at 11:16 PM

“Maybe I’ll meet in the middle, like a colorful sweater.”

Daniel-Last Tuesday at 11:17 PM

"Just don't overthink it. I think what you wear to work is fine. You look professional."

Isley-Last Tuesday at 11:18 PM

“I know he probably won’t, but I want your dad to like me.”

Daniel-Last Tuesday at 11:19 PM

Daniel felt guilty that she felt that way. He reached over for her hand "I like you."

Isley-Last Tuesday at 11:32 PM

“I know, baby.” She smiled and squeezed his hand. “I just want your family to like and accept me. Hey, at least you don’t have to worry about mine.” She said with a laugh.

Daniel-Last Tuesday at 11:33 PM

"You really don't have anyone you consider family?" he asked softly.

Isley-Last Tuesday at 11:33 PM

“You and Ellie.” She answered, smiling at him.

Daniel-Last Tuesday at 11:35 PM

He gave her a small smile before pausing to park once more. "Well I'm happy to be your family." he leaned over the middle console to give her a kiss.

Isley-Last Tuesday at 11:45 PM

“I’m happy you’re my family, too.” Her smile widened as Dan leaned over to kiss her, her hands going to the sides of his face.(edited)

Daniel-Last Tuesday at 11:53 PM

"Let's go cuddle and nap." He said against her lips.

Isley-Last Tuesday at 11:54 PM

“My favorite things.” She agreed, pecking him once more before pulling away and getting out of the car.

Daniel-Last Tuesday at 11:56 PM

He got out and tapped her behind as he caught up to her. "I can only sleep for like an hour or two though. I gotta go to the gym."

Isley-Last Tuesday at 11:57 PM

Giggling and swatting his hand away, she replied. “Okay, sounds good. I’m gonna keep sleeping, but wake me up before you go.”

Daniel-Last Tuesday at 11:59 PM

"How are you gonna also tonight if you take that long of a nap?" He laughed.April 4, 2018

Isley-Last Wednesday at 12:00 AM

“I’m pretty amazing like that.” She teased.

Daniel-Last Wednesday at 12:02 AM

He shook his head as he unlocked the door to the apartment. "Well maybe I can skip the gym for this evening since we had sex twice today... And will probably do it again."

Isley-Last Wednesday at 2:01 AM

“That’s true. We need all the sleep we can get.” She said with a laugh.

Daniel-Last Wednesday at 12:23 PM

"We do." he laughed as he moved to their room to lay on the bed.

Isley-Last Wednesday at 12:26 PM

She followed him in, pulling off her clothes until she was left only in her panties. Then she dug through Dan's drawers until she found her favorite of his shirts and put it on before moving to lay beside him on the bed.

Daniel-Last Wednesday at 12:30 PM

He wrapped his arms around her and got settled just in time for Rufus to jump up on the bed and move between them. "Dude..." Dan complained.

Isley-Last Wednesday at 12:34 PM

“Ru-Bear!” Isley said with a laugh, before attempting and failing to push Rufus a little further down the bed so they could cuddle.

Daniel-Last Wednesday at 12:35 PM

"He sucks." he laughed, wrapping his arm around Rufus to cuddle instead.

Isley-Last Wednesday at 12:36 PM

“He’s stealin’ my man!” She groaned.

Daniel-Last Wednesday at 12:37 PM

Daniel chuckled "sucks to be you."

Isley-Last Wednesday at 12:39 PM

“It so does.” She agreed, huffing and rolling over.

Daniel-Last Wednesday at 12:40 PM

Daniel sighed and crawled over Rufus so he could lay beside Isley again and cuddled her close.

Isley-Last Wednesday at 12:41 PM

She smiled and wiggled happily. “Ha, you’re mine again.”

Daniel-Last Wednesday at 12:42 PM

"There's room enough for all of us." He laughed.

Isley-Last Wednesday at 12:42 PM

“Yeah, but I have dibs on being closest to you.”

Daniel-Last Wednesday at 12:49 PM

"You're goofy." he kissed her cheek.

Isley-Last Wednesday at 12:52 PM

“You like it.” She said, wiggling again.

Daniel-Last Wednesday at 12:53 PM

"I do." he agreed, holding her closer.

Isley-Last Wednesday at 12:56 PM

Isley yawned, suddenly exhausted from the first half of their day. “I love you,” She said quietly before slipping into sleeping.

Daniel-Last Wednesday at 12:56 PM

"I love you too." he replied and watched her for a long moment before he fell asleep.

Isley-Last Wednesday at 9:23 PM

Isley awoke a few hours later, still tangled in Daniel's arms. She loved that no matter how long they slept, he never let go of her. Rolling over in his arms, she kissed his lips gently.

Daniel-Last Wednesday at 9:28 PM

He didn't think he would actually fall asleep for as long as he did but he didn't stir again until he felt Isley's lips on his. He kissed her back, taking in a deep breath as he stretched his legs out. "Hi baby."

Isley-Last Wednesday at 9:29 PM

She smiled as he began to stir. "Morning, handsome." She said, keeping close to him.

Daniel-Last Wednesday at 9:30 PM

"How long did we sleep?" He asked with a yawn.

Isley-Last Wednesday at 9:32 PM

She rolled over again, picking up her phone from the bedside. "We got home at, what three?" She turned on her phone screen. "Holy shit, it's seven!"

Daniel-Last Wednesday at 9:33 PM

"Well damn, we should have just powered through the evening and went to bed early." He laughed.

Isley-Last Wednesday at 9:35 PM

"Now what? I don't think I'm tired enough to go back to sleep." She sat up.

Daniel-Last Wednesday at 9:41 PM

"I don't know. We can make dinner and watch a movie, or go see a movie.. Or go find something fun to do."

Isley-Last Wednesday at 9:45 PM

She thought for a moment. "Have you ever gone rollerblading before?"

Daniel-Last Wednesday at 9:46 PM

"Rollerblading?" He asked with a laugh.

Isley-Last Wednesday at 9:46 PM

"Rollerblading." She affirmed.

Daniel-Last Wednesday at 9:47 PM

"No.." He answered cautiously. "Sounds like something I would be extremely bad at."

Isley-Last Wednesday at 9:49 PM

"Finally, a weakness!" She teased before jumping out of bed and throwing on the clothes she had been wearing earlier.

Daniel-Last Wednesday at 9:55 PM

He groaned, not wanting to get up. "I wanted to cuddle more."

Isley-Last Wednesday at 10:10 PM

"We can cuddle after! We're going rollerblading." She said enthusiastically before hopping on the bed and straddling him.

Daniel-Last Wednesday at 10:11 PM

"You're lucky I love you so much. " He sat up to kiss her.

Isley-Last Wednesday at 10:12 PM

She smirked smugly, kissing him back. "I love you too. Now get dressed!"

Daniel-Last Wednesday at 10:12 PM

He sighed and got up to pull his shirt back on and his shoes. "Where do you even go for rollerblading?"

Isley-Last Wednesday at 10:14 PM

Isley paused. "I have no idea. Lemme google it." She pulled out her phone, finding that the closest roller rink was thirty minutes away. "Okay, so maybe not rollerblading."

Daniel-Last Wednesday at 10:14 PM

"Oh darn..." He pretended to be disappointed.

Isley-Last Wednesday at 10:16 PM

"You've won this round." She giggled before standing on the bed so she was tall enough to kiss him.

Daniel-Last Wednesday at 10:21 PM

He wrapped his arms around her to kiss her back "I'll look into some really good date places to take you out sometime." He offered.

Isley-Last Wednesday at 10:44 PM

"Whatever you want, baby." She said, wrapping her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist so he was holding her.

Daniel-Last Wednesday at 10:46 PM

He smiled as she clung to him, picking her up. "I just wanna be with you."

Isley-Last Wednesday at 10:47 PM

Grinning, she dropped her head to kiss him. "Me, too. Although if we're going to stay here, I'm taking off these clothes again." She laughed.

Daniel-Last Wednesday at 10:47 PM

"You say that like I'd argue with you." He scoffed.

Isley-Last Wednesday at 10:47 PM

"No, but you do need to put me down for that." She countered.

Daniel-Last Wednesday at 10:48 PM

"You climbed up here." He scoffed.

Isley-Last Wednesday at 10:49 PM

She shrugged. "I do like it up here, but it'll be better when I'm half naked." Isley said with a laugh before dropping her legs from his waist.

Daniel-Last Wednesday at 11:02 PM

He let her back down and pulled his shirt off again. "Don't make me get dressed again then." He laughed.

Isley-Last Wednesday at 11:05 PM

"Okay, okay, I promise. I like staring at that too much, anyways." She gestured to his bare chest.

Daniel-Last Wednesday at 11:05 PM

"Yeah?" He asked, playfully flexing for her.

Isley-Last Wednesday at 11:15 PM

"Oh, baby!" She said, fanning herself off as she took her clothes off once more.

Daniel-Last Wednesday at 11:16 PM

He laughed as he moved to the bed. "What should we have for dinner tonight?"

Isley-Last Wednesday at 11:17 PM

"Mmm....something Asian. Indian, Thai, Vietnamese?"

Daniel-Last Wednesday at 11:17 PM

"Get on that Pinnering thing and find a recipe."

Isley-Last Wednesday at 11:18 PM

"Oh, lordy. Do you mean Pinterest?" She said with a laugh as she pulled on the Daniel's shirt she had worn to sleep.

Daniel-Last Wednesday at 11:19 PM

"The thing where you find all the house stuff and food." He laughed.

Isley-Last Wednesday at 11:26 PM

"Yes, babe, Pinterest." She said, still laughing before opening her phone for a recipe. "Here, these pho one seems pretty easy."

Daniel-Last Wednesday at 11:29 PM

He grabbed her phone to look at it "We can try. Did we get everything we'd need for it?"

Isley-Last Wednesday at 11:35 PM

"You know what, I think maybe we should stick with some good old fashioned steaks. Looks like I'm full of bad ideas today."

Daniel-Last Wednesday at 11:35 PM

"Steak sounds good too." He shrugged. "Whatever you want."

Isley-Last Wednesday at 11:38 PM

Isley walked to the kitchen, getting the steaks out to thaw. She reached for a glass to pour herself some wine before realizing she couldn’t drink anymore. Groaning, she made herself a glass of water and hopped up on the counter.

Daniel-Last Wednesday at 11:42 PM

Daniel moved to the kitchen behind her and leaned against the counter. "What should we have with them? Just salad?"

Isley-Last Wednesday at 11:43 PM

"Meh...I'm craving brussel sprouts. Do we have any?"

Daniel-Last Wednesday at 11:44 PM

"Not unless you bought some today."

Isley-Last Wednesday at 11:45 PM

"I didn't! Ugh." She hopped off the counter and looked through the fridge. "Green beans will do, I'll just saute them."

Daniel-Last Wednesday at 11:47 PM

"Are you offering to cook?" He asked with a laugh.

Isley-Last Wednesday at 11:48 PM

"I can cook sometimes!" She said, her hands on her hips.

Daniel-Last Wednesday at 11:50 PM

"Hey, I wasn't knocking it. I'll go back to sleep."

Isley-Last Wednesday at 11:51 PM

"No, you're helping! You cook the steak and I'll cook the sides." She grabbed his arm and pulled him to her.

Daniel-Last Wednesday at 11:55 PM

"You let me nap too long, i just want sleep." He complained as he let her pull him to her. "I'll cook the steaks."

Isley-Last Wednesday at 11:57 PM

She smiled triumphantly as he said he would help. "Thank you, baby. Next time I won't let either of us sleep."April 5, 2018

Daniel-Last Thursday at 12:01 AM

"I don't usually nap. That's probably the problem." he laughed as he began to get things ready to cook their steak.

Isley-Last Thursday at 12:02 AM

"I don't know how you don't, napping is the second best part of my day."

Daniel-Last Thursday at 12:08 AM

"I guess I've just always been a busy body. I always have to be doing something." He shrugged.

Isley-Last Thursday at 12:08 AM

"Look what I've done to you!" Isley said exasperatedly as she began to saute the green beans.

Daniel - Last Thursday at 12:09 AM "Made me all lazy." he joked. "I think you've just relaxed me. Like I don't have to have my mind on overdrive when we're together." Isley - Last Thursday at 12:26 AM "Good, that's how it should be I think. Shouldn't have to...try? I don't know." Daniel - Last Thursday at 12:10 PM "True." he nodded his head as he turned the stove burner on. "I want a gas stove at our house." Isley - Last Thursday at 12:36 PM “Okay, any reason?” She laughed. Daniel - Last Thursday at 12:37 PM "I just like them better." he shrugged. Isley - Last Thursday at 12:53 PM “Alright, babe, sounds good.” She nodded as she added garlic to their green beans. Daniel - Last Thursday at 12:53 PM "We are going to have an awesome kitchen. I just want to have this all built now." Isley - Last Thursday at 12:54 PM “I know, me too. Is there anyway to speed it up?” Daniel - Last Thursday at 12:54 PM "When I buy that property, things should go fairly quick." Isley - Last Thursday at 12:55 PM “Cool. We can start work on the floor plan and everything now so that when you buy it, we’ll be ready.” Daniel - Last Thursday at 12:55 PM "Of course. I just gotta look into where to start." Isley - Last Thursday at 2:13 PM “I wish we could just snap our fingers and it would be built.” Daniel - Last Thursday at 2:13 PM "I do too.. I might have to pay more to get things done quicker." Isley - Last Thursday at 2:15 PM She felt bad that he was spending so much money on her. “That’s okay, we can be patient.” Daniel - Last Thursday at 2:16 PM "Can we though?" he asked playfully. Isley - Last Thursday at 2:19 PM She chuckled. “I don’t know. Maybe if I get knocked up we won’t want to rush it.” She teased back. Daniel - Last Thursday at 2:22 PM "That will make me want to rush it more!" he began to cook their steak. Isley - Last Thursday at 2:24 PM She laughed and moved to start some rice to have with their dinner. “I can’t wait to sit back with a giant belly and watch you move all of our shit into the house while I eat a pint of ice cream.” Daniel - Last Thursday at 2:25 PM "That's fucked up." he scoffed. Isley - Last Thursday at 2:28 PM “But I’m gonna be workin’ hard growin’ your baby, so...” Daniel - Last Thursday at 2:29 PM "I don't have friends to help us move so we will have to hire someone to help anyways." Isley - Last Thursday at 2:30 PM “Even more of a reason for Cory to come down.” Daniel - Last Thursday at 2:31 PM "Cory would not be much help." he laughed. Isley - Last Thursday at 2:31 PM “Well, he wouldn’t be getting any of my ice cream.” Daniel - Last Thursday at 2:32 PM "That's for me anyways." he shot her a playful grin. Isley - Last Thursday at 2:33 PM “Daniel!” She scolded, swatting at his butt. Daniel - Last Thursday at 2:34 PM He laughed "You asked for that." Isley - Last Thursday at 2:52 PM “That doesn’t even make sense!” She exclaimed. Daniel - Last Thursday at 2:52 PM "Yeah, it did." he joked. Isley - Last Thursday at 2:53 PM “Oh yeah? How do you figure?” She challenged, one hand on her hip and an eyebrow raised. Daniel - Last Thursday at 2:54 PM "I don't know, cream just sounds nasty." he laughed. Isley - Last Thursday at 2:56 PM Laughing along with him, she said, “Okay, you got me there. I think the sides are done, hows the steak comin’?” Daniel - Last Thursday at 5:22 PM "It's coming along. It will be a few minutes. You can go relax." Isley - Last Thursday at 7:59 PM “Okay, baby.” She said, kissing his back and moving to the couch to snuggle with Rufus. Daniel - Last Thursday at 8:10 PM Daniel focused on finishing dinner up and put their plates together on the table. "All ready!" He called out to her as he sat down to eat. "See, this isn't sad people diet food. I can live with this." Isley - Last Thursday at 10:03 PM "It does look awfully good. We make a good team. If we make a dinner that looks this good, imagine how cute our babies are going to be." She teased as she began to eat. Daniel - Last Thursday at 10:10 PM "They're gonna be really fucking cute." He smiled at her. "You're gonna be like, the best mom ever." Isley - Last Thursday at 10:14 PM "And chunky. And hopefully have your eyes-color, at least." She smiled back as she continued to eat, suddenly starving. "We're gonna be the best parents ever. Daniel - Last Thursday at 10:19 PM "I seriously can't wait to start my life with you, baby." Isley - Last Thursday at 10:23 PM "Me neither. I almost want to fast forward a few months so the house is finished and I'm pregnant and life is good."

#c:iw

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