#straight up everyone doing shit that makes no sense with their character whatsoever

[theeternalfool]

ong with every new batman movie i watch i hate that bitch a little more. Like this man has an extensive history of doing horrible shit to his kids and not even saying sorry!!!

like ONE ‘I’m proud of you’ is not gonna fix all the previous shit you’ve said and done. And not only that but HE FUCJED BARBARA?????!!!?!?! Oh my god that is wrong on EVERY SINGLE LEVEL,, I do not care how much the writers squash his age down that man is too old for her! without even mentioning the insane power imbalance.

The worst part is he fr never learns, because every other character grows and becomes better EXCEPT HIM!!!! when i catch the screenwriters for the animated batman movies…

[optimisticartistic]

Let's talk about Voices

I'm sure someone's already made a perfect post about Harlan's voice acting ability and the fact that all of his characters are so unique and distinct, that even characters with similar voices can be told apart. It is in fact a plot point that when we do meet a new character with a similar voice to a previous one, that it is a point of in-universe suspicion for Arthur.

This means that, rather than voice, we tell characters apart by cadence: not just what they say but how they say it. What weight their personality brings to their voice.

With that in mind, let's talk about our golden boys: John, the King, and Yellow.

John

A relatively flat affect: his pitch doesn't tend to have many particularly noteworthy or abrupt highs or lows, unlike Arthur. A good, even narrator.

Emotions come in bursts of extremes; John runs hot and cold, and his emotions tend to remain fairly obvious due to his word choice. While he can harbour grudges, for the sake of progress he will usually let them go.

Word choices tend to be blunt or straight-forward, reflecting the urgency with which he often has to say them. This also leans directly into his very dry sense of humour.

When more “poetic” words do come into play, they're treated with something like reverence, beautiful things he doesn't want to shatter.

SWEARS. This bitch swears like it’s fucking punctuation, Jesus Christ. What the fuck Arthur.

The King

Grandiosity. He knows he's hot shit, he is confident in the fact he is hot shit, and has no self doubt whatsoever about his powers or capacity to ruin your life. All of his words come with an edge of condescension, even during intense emotions.

Eloquence. He talks like he's reciting poetry or Shakespeare, and while his cadence remains relatively even, he's a lot more prone to distinct shifts in pitch to make himself sound more lyrical or important.

Put your tentacles in the air and step away from the thesaurus, sir.

Resentful. The King actively looks down on anything lesser than him, and acts like everyone is. Plus, like- Arthur stole his shit*. This god has a grudge the size of Azathoth and will make it your problem, and this underlines all of his dialogue with Arthur.

*Arthur did not steal his shit, the King is just a petty bitch and a sore loser

Yellow

Explosive emotions, that he struggles to engage with. When he is upset or angry those emotions linger, and this makes him come across as capricious and immature.

A constant sense of self-doubt in trying to describe things, that comes up as hesitancy and defensiveness.

Grandiosity but like. In the way where he knows he is not, in fact, hot shit, and is desperate to try and prove it to control his situation.

A genuine sense of curiosity. While he and John both share this, John is much less reserved with it, while Yellow has learned to hesitate first.

Also swears! Not as much as John, but Arthur is teaching so many toddler gods to swear it's so fucking funny.

So, with John and the King in mind specifically, here's a pop quiz courtesy of episode 18:

Who does this sound more like?

[hyenahunt]

Obbligato: The Punishment of Kaname Tojo - 2

Writer: Akira

Season: Spring, two years ago

Characters: Jun, Kaname

Proofreading: Remi + 310mc (JP) & Skyress (ENG)

Translation: Peace & hyenahunt

Jun: So bring it the fuck on! Don't hold back! No matter what kinda unreasonable suffering you Specials put me through, I won’t feel a thing!

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Location: At the same time, in a classroom for the exclusive use of Special Students within Reimei Academy.

Jun: — GODDAMN!

Kaname: .....

Jun: Hey, HiMERU! What the fuck d'ya think you're doing, you asshole!?

Kaname: I could ask you the same thing, Sazanami!

You're not a Special Student, and yet you've waltzed into our classroom without permission whatsoever, spewing such insults my way!

That’s a curse word, right? Goddamn, I mean.

Jun: You bet it is. Kazehaya-senpai told me that rather than cursing at other people when something bad happens, we oughta curse at God instead.

"That way, no one will get hurt," or so he said.

Kaname: Really now. Whether God exists or not, I don't think he's listening to a word we're saying down here.

So no matter how much you curse at him, he's probably not hurt one bit by it.

It makes sense—You learned a useful word, didn’t you? Of course, a perfect idol like myself would never allow such unpleasant words to pass my lips, though.

Jun: Perfect idol, my ass. The stupid words you spout always straight-up clash with your good looks, huh?

Kaname: I'm merely stating a fact, that's all.

Jun: Oh, riiight. Well, I dunno 'bout perfect, but you're not wrong — you've come to be the top idol at Reimei Academy.

Kaname: I have. Through hard work, of course.

Jun: Hard work? The fuck are you on about, you degenerate copycat, stealing the hard work of someone else — of Kazehaya-senpai!

The hell d'you mean, hard work? Cut the crap, you thieving bastard!

Kaname: It seems you're misunderstanding something... Sazanami, was it?

Pardon me. I'm not an idiot, but I'm bad at remembering things; if it isn't important, then it slips right away.

Jun: Yeah, yeah, that's right... I know you high and mighty Specials can't be assed to remember the names of losers like me, huh?

Forget shitty useless guys like us, right? It's more important to remember the contact info of your business partners or all the shit you study up on in idol history, yeah?

Kaname: That's right. Being an idol requires one to have resourcefulness and knowledge to match, not to mention a tremendous amount of technical skill — I can't neglect a single thing.

The human brain can only hold so much.Therefore, we must be exceptionally discerning in what we choose to remember and what we choose to forget.

Jun: Hah! Exceptionally discerning, he says! Using big words for a dumbass now, are ya!? I know what you're really like — you're just a dumbass tryna maintain your stupid facade!

Kaname: Do stop insulting me in such a loud voice, Sazanami, unless you'd like to be sued.

Jun: Oh, go ahead and try! If I'm pissin' ya off, go ahead and take me out with violence! Everyone around you’ll just take the side of the lil' goody Special Student anyway!

Jun: So bring it the fuck on! Don't hold back! No matter what kinda unreasonable suffering you Specials put me through, I won’t feel a thing!

Kaname: ... Fine, then why don't I give you exactly what you want?

You all, please do remove this idiot from our space. He's unpleasant to look at.

Jun: That's my damn line! Just a little while ago you were on the same level as me, y'know? Just a snivelling lil' crybaby brat!

Kaname: ... Forget about that. No, even if you don't, then I'll simply pretend it never happened in the first place.

I have the power to erase whatever I'd like now, after all.

No matter how much you might talk about those disgraceful days, not a single person will believe a word you say: they'll ignore you at every turn.

You and I are in very different standings, Sazanami.

Kaname: ... You have realized it by now, haven't you?

Reimei Academy is founded on irrationality. No matter how you may push your "righteous ideals" onto others, it's in vain.

While you're here, you're the one in the wrong. It's only by acknowledging it and allowing ourselves to be dyed in the hues of insanity that we can survive even a bit.

Understand that much, won't you?

Even now, I can't help but pity your reluctance to abandon that "individuality" of yours, Sazanami.

[ ☆ ]

✦✦✦✦✦

← prev ✦ all ✦ next →

[rottenbrainstuff]

Some more detailed thoughts on the Spiderverse movie as I get ready to see it again on the weekend: (spoilers)

I really did enjoy it, was very happy to see it, it made my heart happy, etc etc etc, but I can’t deny there were also some plot things that straight up made no sense at all to me. This is a bit nitpicky and negative I guess so feel free to scroll past, but I’m not saying it was a bad movie.

But it was hard to process stuff like, how everyone blames Miles for weird shit. The Spot blaming Miles for what happened to him. Hello buddy? Of all the people in this scenario who were responsible, INCLUDING YOURSELF, you choose to blame this one specific child and make a vendetta against him? And the blame put on Miles by Miguel: of all the wonky, non-canon things that have happened to other spider people, which other tumblr users have pointed out, you choose to get so angry at this kid because he’s an anomaly, almost as if he STOLE the spider from a different universe on purpose? Everyone, can you guys stop fucking blaming Miles for everything that isn’t actually his fault????

I am giving the writers the benefit of the doubt, and I am thinking this is supposed to be the question the audience is asking at this point, I am assuming this will all be addressed in the next movie. For instance I mean, with the Spot, I think it’s supposed to be clear that this guy is unhinged and not in his right mind, and it DOESN’T make sense how he’s blaming Miles. With Miguel, I am assuming he is doing a lot of projection because of his own personal issues and guilt. Maybe he’s more frustrated with Miles’ refusal to just listen and do what he’s told. I hope so, anyways. Right now it’s a weird uncomfortable feeling. (Plus why on earth tell Miles about the captain dying at all? If it needed to happen, you could have just very very simply….. not told him a single thing about it, and sent him back home blissfully unaware. And it would play out for Miles exactly the same way it would play out for every other spider person. You also would not be influencing Gwen, who is standing right there listening! If the concern is that, due to his apparently unique anomaly status which I don’t buy for a second, you think Miles might unwittingly mess up the canon event even if he doesn’t know about it… like… what’s the plan here then guys, lock Miles in a bubble forever so that he also won’t mess up any future canon events as well??? What’s the plan here guys?????)

I think the conflict between the ideas of, a hero naturally wants to save everyone, and there are some people a hero can’t save or even SHOULDN’T save, these two ideas both being true and being at painful odds with each other, I think this is very good and very interesting. But I think it’s weird in some places how it’s implemented. I can totally get how there would be some spider people totally supportive of this unfortunate truth, it’s stupid and it sucks but we have to enforce it. PETER B being one of those people though?…. I can get Gwen, even if I think she’s making a mistake. I like how it’s a struggle between this intense loyalty to her new found family as she struggles with her dad and her feelings that it’s not right. I can see her getting swept into this and being on board, I understand her conflict and it’s interesting. Peter B?? Peter B?… that was one of the weirdest things in the movie for me, Peter B sitting there holding his baby and trying to explain to Miles why sometimes you shouldn’t try to stop bad things from happening, Peter B getting mad at Miles when Miles, totally understandably, can’t accept that… what? When? How? Peter B was probably one of my least favourite characters in this new movie just because I hated so much how he was written, how he reacted and what he did.

Going in, I had no idea whatsoever this was not a complete story, and was going to be a cliff hanger leading up to another sequel. I actually yelled in the theatre when the “to be continued” flashed up!

I’m not sure I liked that… I don’t think I’ve watched a movie series like that in a very long time where a movie wasn’t a complete story on its own, and instead had a cliffhanger ending leading up to the next movie. Maybe that’s why Empire Strikes Back has never been a favourite Star Wars movie of mine, even though it seems to be everyone else’s favourite. I just don’t care for a movie like that.

That’s just a personal preference of mine though, and I understand that.

Anyways. I did really really like the movie, I haven’t enjoyed a movie this much in a long time, I’m so happy people are making good movies like this. But I also think there’s some weirdness with the story, which I think/hope will partially be addressed in the next movie, because it made it a bit weird for me. I just wanted to point that out. I think it’s interesting to think about.

[tartrazeen]

I have finally seen Across the Spiderverse!

tl;dr - amazing movie, folks here need to be more normal about Miguel

The longer version:

1. I'm so happy you people put that "Gwen is trans" theory in my head.

I got to watch the whole beginning of the movie like, "Omg, her dad is so supportive of her!"

And then I got to watch that part where Miles tells her, "We're the same. Uh - I mean, in the important ways, we're same," and be like "(⁠☞ﾟ⁠∀ﾟ⁠)⁠☞ Solid recovery, man."

And then I got to watch the part where Gwen comes back home, and when her dad asks her where she's been, appreciate the metaphor that'd be in, "I was off murdering all my best friends." Like - oof. I would not have caught the added meaning in a trans girl telling that to her father without this theory. A bit of "I guess he's not that supportive" followed by "Oh thank God, he's going to try harder through the power of movie magic and love and acceptance."

And that really hammered home the "Spider-man is a metaphor for coming out" with Miles, because he can't exactly pull a Misha Collins and come out as straight. As bi, though? As part of a big, interconnected web of LGBTQ2I+? Yeeeesssss.

Separately from that, I hope he and Gwen get together, really building off the "I'm gonna do my own thing" arc he's going through, paired with the "It doesn't end well" bit about Gwen falling for a Spider-man.

2. Loved how quickly they set up Spot.

I get him, I get the story, but they kept the pacing perfectly focused on the Spiderverse stuff. Spot's in the background but also developed well in the background. It's a perfect case of 'not too little' but especially - more importantly! - not too much.

3. Hobie is a fucking bro.

He showed up to help everyone - like one of the first things out of his mouth was, "Hey Miles, you can do better with your powers, here's some help." Loved him. And the fucking COMMON SENSE this guy had? I loved his little "haha anarchy" jokes, but this guy was on the Spiderverse's side completely - right up until he realized, "Nope, this shit has crossed a line" and immediately fought back against them. He didn't just help Miles and then quit. He helped Miles, quit, probably left assuming that Miguel wasn't gonna go completely batshit, and despite that assumption, still had the presence of mind to pass on his not-a-watch to Gwen.

And I think someone else wrote that he ran away? I disagree with characterization. He didn't panic and leave, and he didn't even abandon anybody. He disagreed, withdrew his support, and then left the others to come around at their own speed. I mean, Miguel hurried that speed up a lot, but that just speaks to how fast Hobie moved from "I agree with the Spiderverse" to "You guys are fucking facists." And the second he was tagged to help - after realizing how correct he was about the 'facist' thing - he was immediately back to actively fighting alongside Gwen. There was no passiveness on his side whatsoever. What a bro. And he even gave Gwen a place to stay when she needed it, which was such an extra point of community. 💖

4. Uhhhhhh can everyone please be more normal about Miguel...?

Because I watched that movie. I know like 5% of who this guy is. They gave us the Cliff notes of Sad Backstory and a glimpse - a glimpse! - into how he probably felt, but it was all from behind an iron mask. We haven't gotten into any of the real him yet, just the anger and outrage and fury.

So... people taking running with an obviously incomplete character? That's normal, fine, sure.

People taking that and running with it to slot him in as an uwu Top for Peter B.? Did you only go in looking for a ship, and did you have to be so weird about making it be the guy whose only defining traits are "Big" when his other and MORE IMPORTANT defining trait is "PoC whose race has been historically and actively fetishized for being violent sex objects"? 'Cause it's like everyone just scrubbed that 5% of what we know away to put him into this predefined "Big Dom Top" role with zero self-reflection, and handwaved how that once again perpetuates every racist stereotype this relates to. All to woobify the white guy some more.

I'm all for shipping, but you people literally don't know him. His story's pretty clearly being saved for the next movie, comic book sales show so many of you don't read those and definitely didn't before this (likely just stopping at what Wikipedia says), and went off of ~v i b e s~

And just happened to not notice how creepy and fetishizing it is that those were the vibes you were left with.

5. I teared up when Miles' story started. Yes, right after the opening title.

I wasn't expecting it, but as soon as the music started and that atmosphere was set, I just got hit with such a wave of, "This is unapologetically black." I heard the Puerto Rican vibes coming in later and both of them perfectly throughout the movie, but the centering of his blackness through the music alone. It was a 'great opening for a sequel' before that point. At that point? It was 'a brand-new story.' 💖💖💖💖 Representation bbyyyyy

[seancamerons]

cruel summer was extremely fucked up. omg, mind-blowing, and just brutal! 🤯 damn, just wow idk i feel some type of way in the pit of my stomach. ugh.

if i'm being honest, i was more disgusted by isabella (is that even her name?) than I was with jeanette turner back in s1. i believed in her. i really believed she hadn't seen or heard kate and everything that happened afterwards wasn't something fair or deserved. i also didn't want to believe isabella was the one who had killed luke and that megan's backlash or other things involved weren't justified.

taking into account isabella's behaviors, actions, and how blase and nonchalant she was about the other horrid shit she had done. she had no remorse whatsoever. such things like lisa, her brother and isabella's ex who stopped by, and some other minor and major things/events such as trying to corrupt megan, causing trouble with friends, and shit making her questionable, and sure, she had motives but it doesn't make it right.

luke wasn't an angel but didn't deserve to straight up die. especially how he was in the circumstances, bleeding from a gunshot, physically hurt, and drowned. the facts are she was an extremely jealous, possessive, impulsive yet charming, and a little bit emotionally unstable and while i really wanted to like her, i never was able to connect with that like i did with jeanette in s1. seeing the big reveal, it made me rethink everything we knew about her character and while it makes sense, it's also unfortunate and bittersweet for everyone involved. i do believe Isabella did care about megan but had a terrible way of showing it. she was ultimately there for a good time, but not a long time. when the going got tough she got going and left megan in the lurch and wreckage. megan was left with a broken heart, a bruised rep, no money, no job, a ruined life, no college, no friend/boyfriend in luke because she let him die, and no closure. she was lucky to have the silver lining in the final moments of the finale which was good. this could be a good thing. guess we'll never know that.

also, what is megan going to do with the information regarding luke's true death? when i tell her she looked like she was having an emotional breakdown. while i've been eh about megan my heart breaks for her and fuckin' isabella or whoever she wants to call herself now is gonna start over doing the same damn shit? no. she can't get away with it, not forever. have we forgotten how much of a whiz megan is with computers? she's probably on the dark web and she's been badly burned a lethal combination. isabella should really watch her back, and what she says, because megan is coming for her and this time just maybe there will be justice, the truth is inevitable to come out it always does.

[valkyrieandstrangeridingaragorn]

Well personally I'm glad Steve got to leave with his character intact before being rewritten into a one note snark machine

Oh I would love to agree with you that he left with his characterization intact but I don't think he did at all. Endgame is such a disaster that they managed to ruin almost every scene he is in.

Starting with the beginning when Stark is giving that Hydra speech but Steve is not allowed to say anything other than "well that didn't work out, did it". Dude, Stark is saying civil rights are frivolous things that we should give up in order to gain in security. That's the Red Skull, that's Zola, that shit is straight from Hydra. There's no way in hell Steve would have stayed quiet during that speech.

Then the therapy scene where he's being insincere to the people there, talking about a woman who died ages ago and not mentioning neither Bucky or Sam or Wanda, people who he did share his life with under the most dire of circumstances.

Next is Natasha having to lead the remaining Avengers on her own because Steve is out doing... what exactly? Nothing that's what. Clint is MIA killing people like it's a hobby, the world is trying to recover and find a way to start the economy or whatever's left of it, but Steve wants nothing to do with that, doesn't even bother to help Nat - and what's worse he tells her to stop?!! That perhaps the work doesn't need to be done?!! I'm sorry WHAT?!

Then Scott returns and Nat shows more compassion that he does, not to mention the way he talks to Bruce or how he looks at Thor with contempt. That's not my Steve at all.

And to sum it up because this is getting long already everyone comes back and he has one conversation with Bucky after 5 years in which he tells him he's going back, and I suppose we should be thankful he at least spoke to him because he said nothing to Sam even though Sam risked absolutely everything to help him time and time again, and then he leaves which makes no sense whatsoever to his character or his arc or who he is at all.

So yeah they didn't turn him into a Stark or Quill 2.0 whose entire vocabulary is 95% snarky comments but what they did to him wasn't much better.

[dememetor]

Haikyuu boys when they're drunk

characters iwaizumi hajime, oikawa tooru, kuroo tetsurou, bokuto koutarou, sakusa kiyoomi, kageyama tobio

warnings swearing (i swear, they don't, they're polite boys), uhh drinking? but that's pretty obvious

recent works: what it feels like to fall in love with them

Iwaizumi Hajime

You know how he's usually the mom friend?

Pulls a one fucking eighty

Has no sense of self-preservation whatsoever

Has to be under constant surveillance or Else

Once jumped off the first floor because Hanamaki told him not to

(Kyoutani soon followed after him too, but I digress)

There's just this little troublemaker in him that comes through when he's drunk and it amuses everyone, especially Hanamaki and Matsukawa who can't wait to join him when he starts doing stupid shit

However, when the alcohol starts wearing off he gets unusually quiet

Oikawa usually calls it the stage of regret

But in all honesty he just gets tired, usually falling asleep on the nearest couch

Or chair

Or the floor

Oikawa Tooru

Walks a fine line between being the life of the party and an emotional shipwreck

Once Yahaba accidentaly said his hair looked funny and he started crying on the spot

It's like his emotions are amplified, he's either having the time of his life or sitting in a corner wailing about something that happened four years ago

But when he's in a good mood, he laughs

All the time

(And it's like the prettiest sound in the world)

Refuses to drink anything else but vodka

Especially beer

Hates it with a burning passion

Insists that it tastes like piss

Matsukawa made him try the apple and lemon flavored ones but he's too stubborn to admit they're not bad

Has the highest alcohol tolerance out of them all mostly because he's been drinking since he was like 14

(Which is really bad, I do not condone this)

Knows exactly how much he can drink and how much everyone else on the team can drink, and usually watches out for them not to get too shitfaced

When they do though, he's the one to sit by them when they puke and call an uber to get them home

Just,, too sweet

Kuroo Tetsurou

Just like Oikawa, knows how not to get shitfaced

However, enjoys getting shitfaced from time to time

Makes the best cocktails

Doesn't let Kenma drink them

Owns a guitar and god damn can he play it

Usually doesn't like when other people listen to him but get him tipsy and he will hold an entire concert

Once Lev accidentaly broke his guitar when he tackled Yaku and since then Kuroo keeps it with him like it's the holy grail

I'm not even kidding, will start barking if you look at it the wrong way

Prefers whiskey

Loves playing with other people's hair

It's either you or Kenma, whoever he lays his hands on first

Learned how to braid hair on his sister and now does it so well it's on par with like Brad Mondo or some shit

Bokuto koutarou

Shares a similarity with a kinder surprise egg in a way that there is no possible way you know what you will get

Either ecstatic or emo, no in between

For some reason really likes taking his shirt off

Gets really fidgety

Can't stand still for two fucking seconds

Randomly leaves the conversation to run around and then comes back like nothing ever happened

Easily distracted

Someone needs to be with him at all times or he will randomly wander off

"Ohh I wanna pet that hedgehog."

"Bokuto, get your ass over here."

If he ends up in the emo stage... oh boy

Cries at everything

Once got emotionally attached to Konoha's pet grasshopper

Refused to leave without it so Konoha let him borrow it for the night but when Bokuto woke up he mistook it for a stick of wood and threw it away

Sakusa Kiyoomi

This man does not drink

The taste of alcohol genuinely disgusts him

People act stupid when they drink anyway

Also he takes volleyball very seriously

Can't drink if you're planning on competing profesionally y'know

BUT

He tried a cocktail once accidentally

The waitress switched his drink when he was out with his teammates and they made him try it

Will never admit it but it wasn't that bad

Tasted like juice, really

And let me tell you, tipsy sakusa kiyoomi is the cutest thing ever

Giggles

Just giggles all the time

Has conversations with himself about volleyballll

Sits down next to you, hugs your arm and just rambles about whatever's on his mind

Usually it's his next match

One time made you sit through a passionate 15 minute description of his breakfast

Also very affectionate

Will compliment the everloving shit out of anyone in a 10 meter radius

His hangovers arent even that bad but he stays in a godawful mood the entire next day

Kageyama Tobio

Rarely drinks

Him and Tsukishima usually stand aside (in silence) and watch others do stupid shit

Has a ridiculously low alcohol tolerance

I swear this boy gets drunk on fucking liquor chocolates

The first time he got tipsy he refused to believe it

"I can get up on my own, thanks Sugawara."

*Thud*

Both fascinated and scared of the fact that he can't walk straight

Gets really judgy

You know how analytical he gets when playing volleyball?

Well now he says it all out loud and it lowkey pisses everyone off

Well everyone except Tsukki who unironically enjoys this side of him

(Tsukki even looks forward to parties with kageyama because he can gossip about anything and Kageyama is actually great listener when drunk, but Tsukki would rather eat a lego than admit it)

Can't tell different alcohol apart

You can get him to say anything (which Tanaka and Nishinoya abuse a lot)

Shows affection in... unusual ways

Will hold your hand "So it's not too heavy for you"

Will apply the same logic to your face

Like he will just cup it and look you in the eye "it's ok you can relax now"

Like not even some cute shit, he's dead serious

[thesunicarusfellfor]

WAIT WAIT— what if 👀 what if Yandere!Tubbo and Yandere!Tommy falling for the reader at the same time

BROO— THE ANGST POSSIBILITIES

ooooooOOOOO DAMN this one is gonna be good! I love the way you think! So I wrote this as headcanons, but I will write this as an actual story if requested. ^^

This is not exactly implied romantic??? I'm still scared about writing their characters as directly romantic????? I'll probably get braver about it but still lowkey worried.

Yandere!C!Tommy x GN!Reader x Yandere!C!Tubbo Headcanon/Fic

Tommy, at first, completely denied even acknowledging your existence.

Until he saw someone interact with you.

Then he would start pulling out his sword or glaring at them from across the room.

He would definitely pin them in an alleyway and threaten every single one of their canon lives.

Tommy, please. Niki was just trying to give you cookies.

He's the kind of Yandere that would greatly keep his distance both physically, emotionally and mentally. Basically, he would be a Tsundere Yandere.

Tubbo, on the other hand, would be extremely sweet to you.

Need netherite? He had an extra few ingots ready in his pockets!

Interacting with someone who wasn't him? Was he not good enough for you??? Fine. You don't deserve him.

He would cry to you and make you feel guilty OR completely ignore you for a week straight until you come crawling back to him and apologizing.

Straight up can flip emotions like a switch.

The first time either of them realized the other liked you as well, was when they were listening to Mellohi on their bench, watching the sunset when they saw you having a conversation with Ranboo at the bottom of the cliff.

"What're they doing talking to him?" Tommy growled lowly and leaned forward to glared at the enderman who was talking to you. He reached for his bow n' arrow before Tubbo grabbed his arm, stopping him in his tracks, "What? I don't want them talking to anyone but me."

"What do you mean 'anyone but you'?! You avoid them like they're a virus!" Tubbo stared at him, digging his fingers into Tommy's bicep a small bit to show his anger a bit more, "They should only be talking to me."

The blond turned towards his brunet friend and yanked his arm out of his grasp, "Excuse me?" He glared into Tubbo's dull blue eyes, gritting his teeth, "You do nothing but give them stuff!"

"And you treat them like shit and avoid them!" The smaller of the two retorted angrily, trying to keep his tone level enough to where you didn't hear.

Mellohi, the music that had been playing mere moments ago, slowly came to a stop and left nothing but silence and tension in the air. You had noticed them arguing from below, but Ranboo (who had heard their entire argument) decided to pull you away from them and bring you to the Tundra.

"Are you trying to take everything from me?!" Tommy tightened his grip on his diamond sword, although part of him knew that if Tubbo equipped his netherite armour, there would be absolutely no competition whatsoever.

"Take things from you?! They're a human being and you choose to ignore that fact when you ignore them or call them terrible names!"

"I treat everyone like that! You already have Ranboo, I don't understand why you're chasing after them with hearts in your eyes when you're fuckin' married! Loyal much! Oh wait, you aren't loyal, you EXILED ME!"

"It's platonic! I told you that already! And you're starting this again now, Tommy?!"

Ranboo actually felt nervous leaving you alone around both Tommy AND/OR Tubbo after hearing their entire argument that day.

Tommy, although now a lot nicer, became extremely clingy towards you and constantly would walk over and drag you away mid-conversation with anyone that wasn't him. ESPECIALLY if you were talking to Tubbo.

Man would bring you everywhere with him if you would let him.

Netherite mining? Get your pick.

To get new discs? Pack your bags, we're going on an adventure.

Straight up does everything he can do to get you away from Tubbo because he's petty.

He tried giving you as many gifts as Tubbo, but mans is broke.

Tubbo would get extremely annoyed by Tommy even just walking through the area when he was with you.

Would start to hold your hand or link arms with you (if you're comfortable), just so Tommy couldn't pull you away as easily.

Started to try guilt-tripping you into living in Snowchester, and even tried to get you to live in the mansion.

Ranboo actually lied to Tubbo, saying he was scared of enderwalking and hurting you, to convince Tubbo not to guilt-trip you further into living in the mansion.

Tubbo's constant gift-giving got so much more extreme.

Want netherite ingots to make armour?

Nope. No lifting a finger.

He already made you fully enchanted netherite god armour anyway.

Has definitely tried to convince Ranboo to let him involve you in the platonic marriage.

"Ranboo! My beloved!" Tubbo called jokingly, walking into their home. He kicked the snow on his boots before pulling down his hood and taking off his hat, hanging it on the hook as he took off his footwear, "I have a proposition for you!"

The monochrome-coloured man lifted his head and set down the journal in his hand, the ink likely still wet judging by the quill in his hand, "Yeah? What's that?" He placed the feathered pen in the pot of ink and turned to face his platonic husband.

"What would you say to extending our marriage to three people? Like a polyamorous relationship. Like Sapnap, Karl and Big Q?" Tubbo sat down in the chair beside him, watching as Ranboo was left reeling for a few seconds.

"W-well, one, I think you mean expanding. Two, with who?!" The tall male sat up quickly, bumping his leg on the table from his minor flailing, "A-and, and, what about Michael? Are you sure they can be trusted with him?"

Tubbo held out his hand to calm his friend down, making his friend put his hands down so he didn't accidentally hit something, "You know what I meant, and (Y/n)! Y'know... Like, the one with (h/l) (h/c) hair, (tall/short)! (Y/n), them!"

"Yeah, yeah, I know who they are, it's just..." He paused to gather his words, glancing away from his friend. In all reality, he wouldn't mind inviting you into the platonic marriage, even if he knew Tubbo felt more romantic feelings towards you. He didn't shut up about it. It was the fact that he was worried about what kind of mental manipulation Tubbo would do to you if you did agree to be in the marriage. Or even what Tommy would do to you or Tubbo!

"...Just?"

'Your relationship with Tommy is beyond screwed already... Imagine what would happen if both of his friends left him to be in a platonic relationship with me. Tubbo, all of us would be in severe danger.' He thought silently before taking a breath. "I-I don't have my enderwalking state under control... I'm already scared for Michael enough, and I don't want to hurt her as well... Give it some time and we'll see. Please.." He whispered, lying through his teeth. Ranboo knew you were damn good at protecting yourself and could knock his long and lanky ass to the dirt within seconds.

Tubbo's bright shiny eyes seemed to glaze over for a moment as his smile began to falter, "Ah... Yeah. I guess that makes sense. For their safety I suppose." His normal look returned and he gave him a smile, "Yeah, that does make a lot of sense. I'll ask again next month to see what happens."

"What... What about Tommy-"

"What about him?" He demanded sharply, his smile vanishing in mere seconds which caught Ranboo off guard yet again, "He doesn't need to be in their life. He would do more harm to them than good!"

Ranboo was left gaping, his mouth moving but not creating any sounds. He watched as Tubbo eyed him carefully before he got up, murmuring something about grabbing food then going to bed.

Once the goat hybrid was completely out of sight, Ranboo reached for his memory book and took the quill again.

'Protect (Y/n) from Tubbo and Tommy. Get them out of DreamSMP.'

Ranboo was scared for you.

He was stuck watching as these crazy two men fought over you, threatened you, manipulated you... It was worrying, to say the least.

Don't get him wrong. If he didn't have an adopted son, a platonic husband that he still cared about despite him being another Dream at this point, and a Syndicate to protect him from, he would've packed everything and ran, bringing you with him.

He was practically walking on eggshells around this man that he had once been extremely close to!

It practically sent shivers down his spine...

Eventually, it got to the point where Ranboo had gone to your house in the ungodly hours of the morning to talk to you.

This man LITERALLY crept into Tubbo's room AND Tommy's house to make sure they were both asleep before going to talk to you.

"Ran... Boo?" You asked, yawning softly as you leaned against the door, your hair all frizzy and messed up, "What's up? It'sssss... Like 5:30am. The sun is barely even up..."

"(Y/n)... Can we go inside? Please... There's something very wrong.." He murmured softly, his memory book tightly held in his grasp as he glanced around. Tommy could be waking up sometime soon, and he did not want to get caught talking to you. He would certainly be down a canon life before he could even say 'sorry'.

You watched the nervous man in front of you and nodded before stepping aside to let him in. Peaking outside, you looked around for what was causing him to panic but went back inside once you didn't see anything. "What's wrong?" Softening your tone, you gestured for him to sit at the table while you made coffee.

Once he had a fresh mug of coffee in front of him, Ranboo slowly began to gather his nerve and speak. He told you everything he could remember, and even opened his memory book to tell you about the things he didn't remember. Everything from the fight where Tommy and Tubbo's friendship completely went downhill a few months ago, to the threats Tubbo used against Tommy, the manipulation against you, the threats he had received by talking to you, and even Tubbo's violent mood switches when talking about you or Tommy.

The entire time, you just sat there wide-eyed as you listened to him ramble on about his fears and worries, and everything in between. He even mentioned wanting to actually divorce Tubbo because of how scared he was for you and his own life. "I don't... Not... Believe you... But this is- this is a little difficult to believe." You knew the enderman hybrid wouldn't lie about something so serious, and he definitely wouldn't be shaking like a leaf if it was a joke or a lie.

"Y-yeah, I expected that... But I really do care about your safety, honestly. You know I wouldn't joke about this kind of thing, especially about Tubbo." He murmured softly, looking at his crown laying on the table in front of him, "In all honesty, I came here this early because I was scared about Tommy trying to kill me if he saw me talking to you..."

"He wouldn't ki-"

The door slammed open dramatically and there was a cheerful shout of your name, "(Y/n)!!! Let's go mining for diamon-" Tommy walked into your kitchen, only to freeze mid-step and midfacial expression. His expression went from surprised to annoyance to a grim smile, "Hello Ranboo!" He gave him a smile that was more like baring his teeth as he twirled his axe nonchalantly.

He was going to hurt him...

[bigskydreaming]

Hi, I was reading your post about Jason punching Dick in the face when Dick revealed he fake his death was bullshit ( which it was) and it reminded me of an issue/question that has bothered me for sometime.

Why did people believe Dick was actually dead?

I’m not the most avid comic reader so maybe I missed something but it was always weird to me that everyone just accepted this especially given how Bruce was acting or should I say wasn’t acting.

This is a man when his child died another child had to come along and told him sir you are being too violent and emotional you need supervision. When his other child died he went all over the universe to bring him back to life because he knew it was possible ( which was happening at the same time), so why didn’t anyone think it was weird he wasn’t doing that for Dick. Can you imagine Dick really dying that soon after Damian it would be injustice Batman Version. You are telling me that Tim, Jason or Barbara didn’t think it was weird that Bruce didn’t also bring Dick’s corpse to the bring Damian back to life mission or mention it to themselves. Like what more likely Dick dead and Bruce is handling it well or that he fake his death to do something stupid and Dangerous after his partner/brother/ little bit my son the feelings are complicated died after he was knocked out and woke up to his corpse.

Oh man, this is like, the entire nature of my beef?

(Slight derail just to emphasize the fact real quick that Dick DID actually die, he was just revived quickly, but like, the trauma of his death was very real and its not like anyone was clued into Luthor having a resurrection backdoor built into his literal murder of Dick in the actual moment of it happening. So Dick’s death wasn’t fake, and additionally, he didn’t have anything to do with like, telling people about it, because he was literally comatose in the cave and recovering while Bruce was telling people....by the time Dick woke up in the cave, we already know that Alfred at least had already been convinced by Bruce that Dick was dead, so I have a kneejerk need to pushback against the Dick faked his death narrative by reminding people wherever possible that Dick had no agency in the spreading of that narrative. 

It happened without him being involved, and the only actual contribution he ever made to it was just not revealing he was alive before Grayson #12, after Bruce like.....emotionally, mentally and physically badgered him into accepting that doing so would be directly harmful to his family and he didn’t want to be the reason more people died when like, people had just died because he ‘let’ himself be captured and interrogated by Power Woman’s Lasso of Submission, did he?

SORRY TO BE PEDANTIC, just wanted to start this off on a clarification, even though I know the aim of your ask was very much in tune with the rest of my response. A lot of people don’t read the actual comics, so like, I’m never gonna skip over an opportunity to emphasize that the shorthand people use to refer to Dick’s death and the year he was with Spyral, is like, literally just shorthand for describing it. Its not actually an accurate description of how all that went down and who had the most hand in it).

BUT ANYWAY. BACK TO THE MEAT OF THE BEEF.

Okay so like, not only was the entire family and Bruce himself giving Dick shit for his death and Spyral, like, PAINFULLY egregious because it was literal victim blaming in every possible sense of the word....

None of it made a LICK of sense with ANY of their characterizations, and they ONLY all accepted it on face value because the Plot Demanded It, and when you're like, no, as a reader I say The Plot Demanded It is not a good enough reason for me to be like well sure, that makes sense......looking at the characters ACTUAL actions at face value pretty much just makes them all look like assholes?

Like, Tim has never gracefully accepted anyone's death. Ever. This is core characterization for him. He will go to the ends of the earth for his loved ones and to bring them back, prove they're not dead, refuse to let death be the final verdict for them. He was tempted to use the Lazarus Pit to bring his parents back to life. He refused to accept Bruce was dead long before he had any proof whatsoever of that theory. He tried to clone his BFF/future-husband Kon in his fucking basement like, dude was two whole inches away from going Full Dark Side in his quest to bring back a lost loved one no matter WHAT the cost.....and then you've got Dick unmasked onscreen, killed offscreen, and Bruce then reporting to the rest of them with zero inflection 'oh Dick's dead now. Its very sad' and Tim's just like, sure. Sounds legit.

I mean?!?!

And you're SO RIGHT ABOUT THE DAMIAN THING! Bruce LITERALLY LITERALLY LITERALLY went BEYOND the ends of the Earth, like, he full on chartered a fucking space ship to fly his whole family out to APOKOLIPS to bring Damian back from the dead by going to EXTREME lengths.....WHILE everyone else thought Dick was dead....

And not a single person looked at Bruce and was like, okay, not that we're not down to do this for Damian because we miss Stabby Smurf something fierce ourselves, but.....what the fuck is UP with you dude? Why aren't you displaying ANY hint of this same kind of energy in regards to your eldest son that you said you watched die right in front of you?

Like....I don't know that we were actually ever told that Dick's coffin was empty or had a fake in it, but like....this family of detectives who refuse to accept death, defy death, COME BACK FROM THE DEAD....not a single one of them said like, okay, if I'm gonna like, ACCEPT accept that Dick is dead and gone for good, I need to at least just see him one last time? That's literally all it would have taken for someone to realize hey something's a little wonky here. Where's the dead body, Pops?

Since when has Jason ever missed an opportunity to prove Bruce is a) full of shit, b) acting like an emotionless robot and all his kids deserve better especially when they've just like....died, c) just factually incorrect and wrong and jumped to a conclusion before it was conclusively proved, d) lying like a liar or e) all of the above?

Nobody even ASKED if Dick's body could be put in a Lazarus Pit? Yeah, Jason wouldn't necessarily recommend it himself, given what it put him through, but actually fuck that, I take that back, because I'm NOT actually of the opinion that Jason full on hates his life and actively spends every second of every day wishing he hadn't been resurrected, even if it had come with a huge buffet of additional trauma and pain.

And that's kinda what's implied when people just take it for granted that he would never be on board with any scenario involving using a Lazarus Pit to bring Dick back, because it suggests that based even just on his own experiences and feelings, he honestly believes Dick would prefer being dead and not have ANY further opportunities to be with his loved ones, his friends, help save the damn world again at some future point.....that Jason, projecting based just off himself, legit feels Dick would rather be dead than have another shot at life even WITH the downsides of Lazarus Pit usage? Nope. Sorry, I don't buy it.

Speaking of not buying it.....you know what was missing from all those soliloquies the others monologued at Dick about how they felt and were hurt and just devastated by his death, to such a point they can't seem to muster a single shred of happiness that he's NOT dead still -

(seriously, Damian was the ONLY person in ALL THE LANDS OF EMOTION-HAVING who expressed ANY kind of positive reaction to having Dick back. We were so fucking cheated of like.....ANY opportunity to have the characters show just how much they valued him by just being fucking HAPPY he was alive, no matter what else was involved....and then most of fandom compounded that by for years being like mmmm, no, Dick didn't get yelled at enough by his family for what HE put THEM through. Needs more yelling. More punching too. Bad Dick. Bad. This is the only way you'll learn not to die and get shipped off on a mission that you don't want but at least is to protect your family after being beaten into it by your dad whilst victim blaming you for dying in the first place. WHEN WILL YOU LEARN TO THINK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE AND THEIR FEELINGS FOR A CHANGE, DICK?!?)

- But like, BUT I DIGRESS aside....you know what was missing from all those monologues about how hard DICK'S death and ensuing year of basically exile from his loved ones was for EVERYONE BUT HIM?

We never got a single line of explanation as to what everyone else officially thinks even happened to him in the first place?

Like, did Bruce straight up just say oh bad news kids, your brother umm. Expired. Spontaneously. There's no one to blame, he just keeled over, its all very sad.

Is that how that went down?

You're telling me that the explanation of Dick's death didn't come with a single pointed finger at someone for this family of blame-happy vigilantes to like, BLAME for the loss of this brother they all mourned oh so much, they just couldn't help but blame him for all the hurt it caused them?

The family that in every other fic is like OBSESSED with avenging and being avenged and all things vengeful and even tangentially vengeance-y....like didn't ask for a single detail on whomst the fuck deprived us of our brother-having?

Where were the attempts on Luthor's life by Jason (who I mean, yeah I know it was in a previous continuity, but erasing that timeline doesn't erase my awareness of the time Dick killed Jason's murderer so like.....mmm, just saying, woulda been nice)....where was the rage directed at the Crime Syndicate and references to how seriously and personally the Batfam took making sure that they were PUNISHED for all this and would never be free to wreak havoc on their world or their family again? What did they tell Damian when he came back to life, and how are you going to tell me that this fraternal little ball of fury didn't aim himself like a cannonball at whomever the fuck had DARED take HIS Batman from him when Damian wasn't around to have his back?

Not only does everyone else's desire to be avenged start falling really flat the second you factor in hey maybe Dick feels "mmm what about MY avenging" sometimes, and why doesn't anyone ever care about doing that for him.....but also, y'know what REALLY sucks about the ONLY person we actually SEE being blamed for Dick's death and ensuing absence being like....Dick himself?

Not only were his family all super keen on making all of this HIS fault and HIM the bad guy because of how it made them all feeeeeeel (and meanwhile fuck his feelings, am I right Batfam hfaklshfklahfkla).....

They somehow found a way to justify prioritizing this OVER ever even getting around to blaming some villain for his death in the FIRST place, in the entire year or so they thought he was still dead!

Like, you couldn't come up with a single target in all that time, but Dick's back two seconds, and you don't even give him a chance to EXPLAIN before you're punching him, shutting him down with 'I expected better from you' and turning away with 'I don't want to hear it, why am I surprised Dick Grayson disappointed me again'?

afshklfhalfhalfhla

Make it make sense!

And like, it won't, cuz it doesn't, and it never will, and like I said at the top, the ONLY reason it all played out this way is because DC doesn't give a fuck about character development and deemed it necessary to go down this way for the sake of the plot (which was totes worth it, I mean, glad we sacrificed characters for this A+ plot which was clearly the greatest plot of all time and definitely justified every story choice made or not made around it loooool).

BUT.

BUT BUT BUT.

The problem isn't JUST that DC is stupid, even though that is an eternal mood and quite the problem.

Its that the SECOND large parts of fandom decided to play along with DC and just accept the story at face value, only add to it and play into it exactly as it happened in canon with no significant deviations, and like, heaping on the LITERAL abuse from Dick's siblings while ignoring the LITERAL abuse from his father....

THAT....is when all of this becomes relevant.

Because the second people decided TO engage with the reasoning DC gave for what Bruce did and how and what Dick did and how and just not mess with any of that and have it all play out exactly like that...

The second people are like, okay we're FINE with not just dismissing this story as OOC writing that doesn't make any sense, and actually VALIDATING it to various degrees by engaging with it as is....

That's when 'OOC writing' stops being an excuse or explanation for alllll of the above gaps in character logic and actions.

Because its like, when you had abundant chance to REJECT this story and say nope, this was bullshit from start to finish and I'm not here for it, when you were just as capable of transforming literally ANY aspect of this story you didn't like into something that made more sense to you....

And you chose not to.

That's.....accepting it as valid writing. You were like, okay, I'm game to just treat this as a thing that happened, just like they said that happened.

For the chance to give Dick shit for it, see. For the angst, see.

And that's when I'm like okay cool, so when engaging with this story as is and accepting it on face value and just delving into the characters as they were SHOWN interacting with and around these events......for the angst or whatever....

You guys just all decided en masse to just hop, skip and jump over allllllllll the opportunities for angst inherent in examining even ANY SINGLE ONE of the above lapses in judgment or hypocrisy on the parts of the characters (who don't get to be excused by OOC writing if you're not going to call the story an example of OOC writing, whoops).

And its just like, uh, what's up with that?

[theepisceswriter]

Jealous!Reader with AOT characters pt.2 (Porco, Bertholdt, Pieck, Zeke)

A/N: y’all really liked the first one I made here, so here’s a pt.2 with different characters

TW: none really apply, sort of suggestive for Zeke, Modern AU, GN!reader

PORCO GALLIARD

I am a firm believer that in a modern AU, Porco and Reiner would be the type of people to go to sport restaurants like Hooters, Buffalo Wild Wings, or Twin Peaks. They give me that macho man type of vibe. Of course though, Porco would make you tag along with him almost every time he went. He feels that it’s a very nice way for the two of you to bond. Which honestly it is.

You have a deep sense of security within yourself and enough trust in Porco to not be bothered by the waitresses there, as you should, knowing that it’s only their job to be enticing like that. Hell, you even enjoy it when the waitresses would flirt with you sometimes or you’d get the really pretty ones who look like they’re straight off of a magazine. Not to mention that you visit places like this often, so most of them know you and know that you and Porco are in a relationship together.

They all respect your boundaries and don’t try to push at them at all.....until this one waitress comes around. You can quite obviously tell that her flirting is different from the “trained” flirting that the other girls often do. She lingers at your table a little longer than she should be trying to talk to Porco to the point where other waitresses have to tell her to go check on other tables and she’s disregarding you completely, asking Porco questions that should be aimed at you and being very rude in general.

Porco is hardly paying her any mind, too focused on the game to really pay attention to what’s going on, but any piece of attention he gives to her she latches on too it. But still, you remain cordial and calm on the inside. Not wanting to come off as one of those significant others and cause a scene that doesn’t need to be caused. If someone looked at you for too long they might notice an eye twitch or two coming from you.

Really it’s Porco’s hand holding underneath the table that’s keeping you sane and reminding you of how secure your position in your relationship is. You almost calm down entirely, but of course the waitress has to come back and try desperately to get his attention again. At one point he zones out into the game and to try and get his attention she attempts to tap him on his shoulder.

Strong on the attempt because you grabbed her wrist before she could even brush her fingers against his shirt and gave her a stern “Aht! Aht! That is not going to be happening tonight and definitely not in front of me.”

And Porco, this menace to society, finally speaks up like, “I was wondering when you were finally going to say something. I was getting afraid that I didn’t mean anything to you anymore.” He would’ve eventually intervened himself though if she was actually successful in touching him.

The waitress gets the hint for the rest of the night, but just incase she doesn’t he holds you close to his side with his arm draped over your shoulders.

BERTHOLDT HOOVER

Despite his soft spoken nature and personality that sometimes falls on the shy part of the spectrum, Bertholdt is actually an easy person to come up to and start a conversation with. Of course, you have to be the one to start the conversation, but after that it’s like he can’t shut up, likes he’s compelled to answer back to everything and keep a conversation going.

It’s a trait of his that you’ve come to love, but also come to hate on days when you’re out in public with him and can just see the twinkle in a girl’s eyes when she’s getting ready to come over to him to flirt. It’s usually in awkward situations too like when you’re out shopping and he’s standing off to the side because he has no business looking at what you’re shopping for, so the fact that he’s kind of alienated from you and doesn’t know how to respond to flirting all that well in the first place really has him in an awkward chokehold.

He’ll get asked for his number and instead of saying flat out no, because he doesn’t want to be harsh, he struggles to let words out at all as he tries to think of what to say. And people really prey on his shyness and don’t even give him the chance to respond before they’re forcing themselves on him more, handing their phone out to him just waiting to input a number.

Imagine the shock and anger on your face when you turn around from your shopping happy ready to show Bertholdt what you got and instead you see a girl trying to get his number! You’re over there in an instant, legs carrying you as fast as they can and a scold on your face as you go over there and the first thing you do is push that phone as far away from him as you can.

“I know my BOYFRIEND and something tells me that he is not interested in the direction this conversation is going with you whatsoever, so I suggest you leave him alone before I make you 😤” The girl leaves like immediately after that.

Bert is just behind you the whole time with a ☺️ look on his face like “Yes, that is indeed my significant other!” Which is so funny because he’s like 6’3 and towering over you, but you’re the feisty one!

He does feel kinda guilty for not cutting off the interaction before it got that far, so he wraps his arms around you and nuzzle his face into your neck all like, “I’m sorry baby 🥺🥺 you know I don’t like anyone else but you 🥺🥺 I was trying to tell them no thank you but it wouldn’t come out 🥺🥺”

You couldn’t stay mad at him even if you wanted to, that’s all it takes for you to forget about it altogether.

PIECK FINGER

It’s almost impossible to see someone as fine looking as Pieck and not shoot your shot. If I saw Pieck out in public the first thing I would do is shoot my shot.

It happens allll the time whenever you two go out. Out at the mall shopping for clothes? Someone’s going to come up to you two and try to hit on Pieck. At the club minding each other’s business and trying to have a good time? Some guy is going to come over and try to ruin that for you too.

At first it was like a bragging rights thing for you. Everyone noticed your hot girlfriend was hot but you were the one who went home to her everyday and not them, but at some point it switched from a bragging right to down right annoying. It’s like you can’t leave her alone for more than a couple of seconds because here comes someone breathing down her neck being a weirdo!

Poor Pieck doesn’t even know what’s going on half of the time because she be baked out of her mind, thinking about nothing but how some ruffles and ice cream can really hit right now. So she’s just going along with the conversation like “mhm, yeah ☺️” every ten seconds hoping that they’d get the hint that she’s not thinking about them at all and to leave her alone. But, of course, they don’t.

Her body language becomes stressed out and agitated, not knowing what to do because you’re in the gas station buying snacks for the two of you while she’s far away at the gas pumps doing her best to get an ending with this weirdo where they don’t kidnap her.

Luckily, just on time you exit out the gas station and even before you get any closer to Pieck you’re already pissed off at the fact that someone is probably hitting on her, but after you see her do that awkward little shuffle with her feet signifying that she’s uncomfortable? You’re over there in a heartbeat.

See, maybe you would’ve been a bit nicer if her body language didn’t tell you that they had been pestering her for a while despite how everything about her screamed ‘not interested.’

So what do you do? You take the bottle of sprite you bought and bop them on the head with it. Head empty no thoughts just ‘protect my stoner girlfriend.’

Pieck is so messy too, she’s in the background like “Ohhhhh shit *giggle* fight! Fight! Fight!” You were ready to rumble too, but if you were so ready to hit them in the head with a sprite bottle the other person definitely didn’t want to know what else you were confident with doing. So they recuperated from their sprite bottle hit and went running to their car.

This was a proud girlfriend moment for Pieck the whole drive home. She could not stop talking about how much of a badass you were and how she loved that you would do anything for her.

ZEKE JAEGER

I wrote soft Zeke already, so now it’s time for me to give y’all the menace Zeke y’all have been waiting for.

Zeke is the type of significant other who’s big on teasing and messing with his partner is general. There’s something about seeing them all flustered after he does something to embarrass them, like fake propose to them in public or something, that really cracks him up. That being said, he’s not opposed to flirting with someone in front of you to get you riled up and see your reaction.

Let’s set the scene; He drags you to Sam Ash with him, because we’ve all just collectively decided that modern day Zeke is a music pretentious asshole, to go get something for his guitar or at least that’s what you assume he was complaining about. You weren’t even listening, just excited to go and mess with the drums and guitars there. It’s the first thing you do once you get there and Zeke sees this as his opportunity to finally mess with you.

He goes over to the drum set display you’re playing on and calls over and employee with “inquiries” about the set you’re playing on. He pretends to ask a few genuine questions at first but eventually he’s able to get the conversation to shift to something a little more personal. Which isn’t terrible, but once he starts throwing out lines like “Oh you like (said band)? I’ve always found myself gravitating towards people who like them. They’re always the most attractive people, I’ve found 😏.” Is when you start getting agitated.

You’re just trying to play We Will Rock You on the drums and here he goes killing your vibe immensely. And it’s hard to ignore when they’re standing right on the side of you. Not to mention how the employee is eating all of this up, blushing and all. It’s at the first mention of numbers being exchanged that you’ve decided you’ve had enough. Without a word to Zeke you get up and storm out of the store.

Was this a dick move on his end? Absolutely, but you’re a couple who’s relationship is filled with debating and bickering, bickering especially, so part of him thought you would play along with his little game and be like “Whatever. I don’t care.” But instead, you were genuinely upset. You didn’t even know where you were going but you were going somewhere. And that somewhere was the outside of the Sam Ash store because you realized you really didn’t have a choice.

Sorry guys, but I have to switch over to soft Zeke now.

He comes running after you, “y/n! Y/n it was a joke!” But that just makes you even more mad and oops, a year drops down your face and he feels terrible.

Kisses all over your face, words of assurance spilling out his lips, and a tight ass beat hug.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m such a dick I know. I didn’t mean to make you this upset though.” He would get down on his knees if he had to!

I guess you can forgive him just this once, but only on the terms that you get Sub!Zeke tonight and get to act as a pillow princess/prince cause he has a lot of making up to do.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 300: Days of Our Todorokis

Previously on BnHA: Hawks was all “hey Jeanist, wanna go on a road trip with me to my mom’s house?” Jeanist was all “you know it,” and so they hopped into Jeanist’s jercedes and took off. Hawks took a nap and had a flashback to his Dickensian childhood living in a abject poverty with his jerk mom and jerk dad, thinking heroes were make-believe until one day Endeavor arrested his dad and Baby Hawks was all “OH SHIT.” And then he saved a bunch of people, and the HPSC was all “what do we have here,” and blah blah blah, you know the rest. Back in the present, Hawks was all “well my life is currently in shambles, but on the plus side there’s no one bossing me around anymore so that’s pretty cool,” and then decided he was going to talk to Endeavor. Fandom was all “I can’t believe Hawks would side with his childhood hero over the man who burned his wings off and posted a video calling him a violent murderer who took after his abusive dad,” so that was fun and stuff. I can’t wait to see what piping fresh takes this new chapter will bring.

Today on BnHA: Our old friend Carbonation Carl tries to loot a Starbucks and gets his ass kicked by a senior citizen. Society is all “YEAH, WE’RE REALLY STARTING TO GET SICK OF THIS SHIT.” Old Man Samurai is all “this room won’t stop me because I can’t read it” and abruptly decides to retire, which, fun fact, is literally THE LEAST HELPFUL THING ANYONE HAS EVER DONE. Anyway so then a bunch of other punkasses follow suit, and while I won’t say that I’m actually starting to root for Stain to kill some peeps, just for the record I’m not not saying that either. Back in the hospital, Endeavor cries some tears because his life sucks, and then is confronted by his entire family, LED BY QUEEN REI, FIRST OF HER NAME, BACK IN BUSINESS AND LARGE AND IN CHARGE. Rei is all “fuck feeling sorry for yourself, we have a rogue Murder Son on the loose” and I swear to god I have never felt so alive.

so here we go! and just for the record, even though the last two chapters have been phenomenal, I don’t necessarily have any sky-high expectations for chapter 300, mostly because chapters 100 and 200 consisted of Mei Boobs, and Toadette and her horrific quirk lmao. so go ahead Horikoshi, what are you gonna pull out of your hat for this one

oh, back to this stuff again. sob

I guess there was only so much time we could spend having hospital antics and exploring Hawks’s past before we got back to dealing with the whole “the world has gone to absolute shit” issue huh, lol

omg

what’s with these bizarrely cute Noumus. why do I want to pet them

so the narrative text is going on about how people have been super paranoid about the Noumu ever since the USJ incident a year ago. so yeah, I guess the fact that there are now a bunch of them confirmed to be running around is really freaking people out even on top of everything else

wtf is happening here

what did this poor lil glass ever do to anyone. r.i.p.

OH MY FUCKING GOD

SODA SAM IS BACK ON THE LAM

tsk tsk tsk. my man has graduated from snatching purses to raiding cafes. going after that big money. this man has no business sense whatsoever lmao

OH BUT WATCH IT NOW!!

OH SNAP THE PEOPLE ARE FIGHTING BACK. WHATCHA GONNA DO NOW SAM

THIS MAN IS 172 YEARS OLD AND HE’S NOT HERE TO PLAY GAMES!!

WTF IS HE LIGHTING THIS THING ON FIRE OR SOME SHIT. GETTEM GRANDPA YEAHHHH HE’S CHARGING AT EM YEAHHHHHH

lmao so that was fun. and now we’re cutting to Wash!! omg. look at him

he’s so dedicated. too bad you don’t have a car like Best Jeanist. probably takes a while when you’re just running everywhere

you see?? you were too slow!!

NOOOO, GRANDPA. he defeated Pepsi Pete, but lost his life in the process. this is too tragic

anyway so the good news is that the cafe has been saved! but the bad news is, there really isn’t much of a cafe left. huh. I guess that’s one of the reasons why people are supposed to get a license to use their quirks like this

oh snap and now everyone is coming outside, and they’re none too happy to see poor old Wash over here

seriously Wash, get a bicycle or something. also the way this guy is gesturing so dramatically with his hand in this sort of “YOU SEE!! YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS!!” manner is sending me

OH MY GOD

HE SPEAKS. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS. IT MEANS JEANS PUNS ARE YESTERDAY’S NEWS, FOLKS!! MAKE WAY FOR THE LAUNDRY PUNS. CAN’T WAIT TO WATCH THIS ALL... UNFOLD

“the heroes had dwindled away” okay real talk you guys, it is literally only a matter of time before they press-gang the children into picking up their slack. I still don’t know how to feel about that, but it is happening one way or the other regardless. Child Soldiers 2 Electric Boogaloo. wonder if we’ll see a rise in vigilante action as well

OHO WHAT’S THIS? THIS IS A CHAPTER OF GRANDPAS HUH

-- no fucking way

WOW. WOW. WOWWWWWW

wow. so he didn’t do a fucking thing while the rest of the top ten were being turned into red mist in the previous arc, and now that it’s all over and they need his help more than ever, he decides... THAT IT’S TIME TO RETIRE. holy shit. “fuck you” doesn’t even begin to cover it my guy. you stand there and soak up those boos you coward

ohhhhhhh shiiiiit you guys. oh shit

the “I am not here” breaks my fucking heart for real though y’all. oh man. everything he worked for is gone just like that

(ETA: okay so a couple of the takes I’ve seen on this make it seem like All Might is somehow the bad guy here?? “this is what happens when society puts a bunch of glorified cops on a pedestal”, “finally the cracks in hero society are showing”, etc. etc. so, just a friendly reminder that this isn’t happening because of too much trust and a lack of critical thinking; this is happening because the villains killed all the heroes and broke a bunch of murderers out of jail. it’s happening because an organized league of terrorists succeeded in terrorizing, and so society is now understandably awash in fear and panic. like, it’s just wild to me that AFO is RIGHT FUCKING THERE, and yet week after week fandom still has their “IT’S ALL THE HEROES’ FAULT” signs still up on their lawns. BUT WHATEVER, MOVING ON.)

also though, so exactly how much time is passing here now? I wanted to go straight back to the hospital and see what happens with Deku and the Todorokis. please don’t tell me we’re jumping ahead sob. my aaaaangst

OH SHIT

STAIN. LISTEN UP BUDDY. I KNOW WE’VE HAD OUR DIFFERENCES, AND I STILL DESPISE YOU FOR CRIPPLING TENSEI AND TRYING TO KILL MY BEST BOY TENYA. BUT AS IT HAPPENS, THERE ARE ONE OR TWO OTHER HEROES OUT THERE NOW WHO I WOULDN’T MIND YOU PAYING A VISIT I’M JUST SAYING

LOL BUT IT ACTUALLY ISN’T THIS MAN, FFFFFF

sob. yeah I was talking about Old Man Samurai actually but YEAH. HEY THERE ENJI

also is this entire hospital actually run by characters from Super Mario Bros though. first Yoshi and now this guy, come the fuck on that is not a coincidence

lmao they stuck him in another one of these cavernous creepy hospital rooms

wtf is it with Horikoshi and these giant fucking rooms lately. Kacchan’s in chapter 298, then Tomie’s colossal house furnished with like one table and a TV, and now this. and the weirdest thing about it though is that “huge space with nothing to fill it up” is like the exact opposite of what you’ll usually find in Japanese homes lol

so now Enji is just sitting there thinking things like “my head is fuzzy” and “I’m alive” lmao okay. not quite all there yet, huh. I’ll give you a minute

I’m so fucking curious as to who his first visitor is going to be omg. either way it’s going to be interesting af, and either way fandom is probably going to feel some way about it but OH WELL

okay now his thoughts are getting more coherent! and he’s remembering Touya, and feeling regret for freezing up and forcing Shouto to deal with everything instead

!!! OH HERE GOES BRACE YOURSELVES Y’ALL IT’S ABOUT TO GET SPICY

NO TOUYA PLEASE DON’T CRY HONEY NO PLEASE

ohhhhhhh man

okay, I mean I didn’t expect you to, but so instead then you’re just going to do... what? lie there and wallow in regret and self-pity for the rest of your life? son you know that’s not how we deal with our problems here in Shounen

though also, I totally do get it though. honestly, thinking on it, I probably would have been disappointed with any other response. but so this is where the rest of his family (including his adopted son) come into play now though, because like it or not they’re all in this thing together. and so friends, I am once again asking you WHO IS GOING TO BE THE ONE TO VISIT ENJI FIRST

AHHHHHHH

KRANCH!!!! OMG AND THE OTHERS ARE SO TINY NEXT TO HIM THAT I ALMOST DIDN’T SEE THEM AT FIRST. IT’S BECAUSE THEY’RE TWENTY MILES AWAY ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THIS REGULATION HOCKEY RINK OF A ROOM

holy shit I’m so excited lkjlklhlglkasdsjldfk

SDKFJLSKHLKJL

the way she has him by his collar lmaoooo. “lol nah you’re not going anywhere pal.” damn straight, siblings have to be ride or die in situations like this. banding together for survival. strength in numbers

OH MY STARS I’M JUST WARNING YOU NOW THAT I’M ABOUT TO DISSECT EVERY LAST REMAINING PANEL OF THIS CHAPTER PROBABLY YOU GUYS. WE COULD BE HERE A WHILE

love how Fuyu has absolutely no idea how to segue into THE SINGLE MOST AWKWARD CONVERSATION SHE’S EVER HAD, so she just GOES FOR IT in pure small talk mode like they’re meeting up for brunch somewhere

I KNOW IT’S A SMALL THING, BUT I APPRECIATE THAT THE FIRST THING ENJI ASKS IS WHETHER THEY’RE OKAY

lastly while I can’t wait for more of this delicious Natsu angst, I also just have to say that Enji has as much reason to cry right now as anyone on the planet. you can’t deny that being confronted by your not-dead-but-you-thought-he-was-dead son who’s all “SURPRISE DAD I GREW UP TO BE A MASS MURDERER AND I HATE YOU AND EVERYTHING IS ALL YOUR FAULT AND NOW I’M GONNA MAIM YOUR OTHER KID” with a side order of “EVERYONE HATES YOU AND SOCIETY IS CRUMBLING AND NOTHING WILL EVER BE GOOD EVER AGAIN” is enough to bum pretty much anyone out. there’s a Pagliacci the Clown joke here somewhere. BUT DOCTOR, I AM THE NUMBER ONE HERO

oh man lol he is seriously falling apart

damn. like you guys, I’m sorry, go ahead and cancel me, but I do feel compassion for the man. it’s therapeutic for me to see an abuser actually feel remorse and be truly sorry and want to change and want to make it up to his family. and it’s also compelling as fuck to read a narrative about a family that’s trying to grapple with that, because let me tell you straight up, as someone who’s done a version of that song and dance -- it is exhausting. it is a piping hot mess. it’s a gigantic mishmosh of extremely volatile emotions that all somehow all contradict one another. love, hurt, hope, anger, betrayal, resentment, attachment, longing. it’s something you can both be desperate for and also want nothing at all to do with. and attempting to portray all of that and write about it is a monumental task, and one which Horikoshi has done so, so delicately thus far, and damn but I appreciate it. anyway, so I’m here and I’m ready for my latest helping of Todoroki Fam Feels you guys

GASP

oh man. OHMANOHMANOHMAN. CAN IT REALLY BE. IS THIS THE REDEMPTION ARC OF CHAPTERS 100 AND 200???

LMAO SHE’S ALL “WE ALL FEEL BAD YOU JACKASS STOP CRYING ABOUT IT”

LAY INTO HIM REI!! SORRY ENJI YOUR PITY PARTY HAS BEEN CANCELLED IN FAVOR OF A “SO WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT” PARTY COURTESY OF QUEEN ELSA OVER HERE. THE PEOPLE TOOK A VOTE AND WE WANT LESS WHINING AND MORE ACTION

oh my god look at this lady folks

NOTE THE HAIR BLOWING IN THE NONEXISTENT WIND. NOW WE KNOW WHERE SHOUTO GOT THIS POWER FROM

(ETA: btw guys, seeing Rei handle this crisis like an absolute champ despite everything she’s been through is everything, though. I’m reminded of Hawks’s line last week about people sometimes unexpectedly finding liberation when they’re backed into a corner. like things may be shit but goddammit her kiddos need her.)

THE CHAPTER IS ALREADY ENDING SOB, IT’S ONLY A 17-PAGER THIS WEEK, BUT GODDAMN WHAT A WAY TO CLOSE

oh my god. oh my god oh my god. AND FUCK YOU HORIKOSHI FOR CUTTING IT OFF THERE sob. it’s like each week the wait for the next chapter becomes more painful. the Todofam is about to get real, and on top of that Hawks is gonna crash the party at some point down the line, and on top of that we’re still waiting for Kacchan to have his own heartfelt discussion about What The Fuck Are We Supposed To Do Next with his best friend who’s currently in a coma. all I want to do with my life is read about these three things, and all I can do is simply wait as they are portioned out in agonizing, addicting little installments every week

anyway! tune in next time as we answer the question of whether or not fandom will finally run its train of logic all the way through to its natural conclusion and somehow manage to cancel Noted Abuse Apologist Todoroki Fucking Rei. don’t act like it can’t happen. you all know nothing is sacred lol. anyways but I’m ready for anything lol, bring it

[androgynousblackbox]

Officially quitting from watching somerton and trying to assume he'll grow a brain. His latest video in which he has a section about "China's BL" is poorly researched. Then he reads off the definition of Bl from a site talking about manga, not even manhua. And he doesn't even address how "yaoi" is not a thing because it's a dead genre. Everything "yaoi" that he's read or heard of that he finds "problematic" is a BL. There is no differentiation based on sexual content between BL and yaoi. He doesn't even talk about how the women who created BL also created yuri. Or how BL authors (male and female) often also wrote geicomi and the distinction was based on the magazine it was published in and audience. Or how marketers typically made geicomi more about straight-up sex with big burly men turning straights gay is bc the expectation in Japan is that men, regardless of sexuality, have no interest in romance because romance a feminine fantasy. And when talking about properties from China, he doesn't say "danmei" even once. Praying for the day when more people will wake up and realize you can actually follow and read interviews with queer academics and authors that will be much more fulfilling.

How the fuck are you going to talk about Chinese BL stories and NOT mention the actual name of the genre? How do you manage to do that? I put "China BL stories" on google and literally one of the very first results is the wikipedia page for danmei, so you must have actively been avoiding any real research at all OR think "it doesn't matter, it's all the same trash" for it to happen. Since we are talking about James Serial Plagiarist Somerton, I have no issue believe it's the second case because he has shown PLENTY of times that: 1. when he is not plagiarizing someone he has literally no idea of what he is talking about and it's obvious for anyone with half a clue, and 2. also, more importantly, he has no fucking respect whatsoever for asian productions/asian culture in general. Does he even talk about how the women who write those queer stories in China could face prison because of queerphobic censorship? Which also colors the way other queer themed works are treated? And the ways people had to queer code in order to survive on that environment? I am assuming he doesn't because why would James Fucking Gringo Somerton give a fuck about anything but impose his ethnocentrist imperialist bullshit onto everyone else for his own satisfaction. I searched the video you were talking about and is this one about "stop using China as an excuse for Hollywood's lack of LGBTQ content"? Because if that is, then that makes even less sense than before because you cannot fucking compare mainstream media from the US to individual works of people that you have to actively search in order to know of it's existence at all inside of China. And if you are going to start a conversation about how China views queer stories/character, that should only be ever more reason to try to look the perspective of queer chinese people and especially those who produce content. The fact that he conflated two very different issues that don't belong together just because "uuh, they both are about gays so it's all the same, right?" and just once again throw stones to a fandom/genre he knows shit about is all I need to know that he is not worth anyone's good will or patience. There are many queer content creators out there who deserve a watch before his smug gringo ass.

[young-dumb-and-vaccinated]

Cult Girl: Doctorate (Hannibal x Female!Reader) pt. 4

Will

Cult girl attends her grandmother's funeral and is approached with a highly unorthodox last will and testament.

@wisesandwichshark

Trigger warnings: emotional manipulation and abuse, verbal abuse, death, slight emetophobia, body-shaming, ED mention, pregnancy and family planning

There was no use recounting anything from the leading up to the funeral. You spent that first night wine-drunk, munching on foie gras, watching Arrested Development and diagnosing each character to the best of your psychological abilities. You remembered cry-laughing at the same jokes you had memorized, and reminiscing on all the insane shit your own personal Lucille Bluth pulled on you. That was the highlight of the week. It was all downhill from there. 

Firstly, you were sick. That Sunday, you wrote it off as a hangover. Then, the hangover returned with a vengeance, just to add salt to the already open wound of having to pretend to mourn your abusive grandmother. At least the physical pain would give your acting an air of sincerity, you thought. 

Hannibal dressed in a solid black tux: it was almost uncanny to see him outside of any of his normal checkered suits. You selected a plain black dress and a strand of pearls.

The funeral was to be held at the same country club Anna’s wedding was held. Your grandmother was like a pharaoh, insisting that the empire she built know that even in death, she reigned supreme. The country club was her pyramid. 

Anna asked if you wanted to say a few words. As much as you wanted to get up and tell all her country club friends about the time she reported you as an abducted child at age twenty-two when you refused to leave your boyfriend and move back in with her, you knew that it wasn’t in good taste. You racked your brain for any story that could be considered remotely funeral-appropriate, but none came to mind. 

You spent the entire funeral trying not to roll your eyes too obviously at the stories of abuse her country club friends somehow remembered fondly. Your soul just left your body throughout the entire process and you were unsure if it would ever return. 

All things considered, it could have gone much worse. Then, it did. 

The beginning of the end was when your grandmother’s estate lawyer pulled you and Anna aside to conduct the reading of the will. He showed you to a side room, then excused himself before closing the door behind him. 

“Hello, [F/N].” Liam greeted, trying to cut through the awkward silence that came with first seeing each other after four straight years. “I’m very sorry about your gran. She was a great woman.” 

You gave him a smile that didn’t quite reach your eyes. “Thanks, Lee. I appreciate it.” 

“No she doesn’t.” Anna muttered. “And it’s Liam.” 

“I don’t mind ‘Lee’.” Liam contested. “My mum called me Lee. I actually quite like it.” 

Anna was in one of her ‘I’m so upset, please ask me why’ moods. She sat on one of the heavy armchairs with her legs crossed and eyes to the wall. You weren’t going to bite. 

Liam wasn’t so cautious. “Princess, what’s wrong?” 

“Nothing.” She pouted, not even dignifying her husband with a look. “I just think it’s interesting that I put the funeral together all by myself and someone couldn’t even be bothered to speak.” 

You shot Liam a look that said ‘way to go, jackass’. 

“Yeah,” You said, sitting down in an adjacent armchair. “That must suck.” 

Anna glared at you. “You really have nothing to say? Really?” 

You tensed up. “Let’s see, which charming anecdote would you have me tell? How about that time when she made you wear a fat suit for an hour after you complained about how the low-carb ice cream tasted like chemicals?” 

Liam looked in shock at his wife. “Did she really?” 

“Once.” Anna confessed, holding up one finger. 

You turned to Liam, as if you were sharing some hot gossip. “That was all it took to give her an eating disorder when she was thirteen.” 

Hannibal was just a fly on the wall. Anna noticed his lack of reaction. 

“And I bet Hannibal knows all about this, huh?” Anna said, throwing her hand in his direction. “Because he just needs to hear all of our private family business, right?” 

You stood up from your seat. “First of all, I take offense at the implication that my fiancée isn’t family.” 

An evil smile spread on Anna’s face. “But he wasn’t always your fiancé, was he, [F/N]?” 

“Holy shit, you cracked the code.” You said, flatly. “There was a point in time when Hannibal and I weren’t an item. Real shocker, that one.” 

“You know what I mean.” She sneered, then approached Hannibal. “Dr. Lecter, is it true that before you and [F/N] became romantically involved, you were her therapist?” 

Liam looked scandalized. Hannibal was just as put-together as always. 

“That is true.” He said, feeling no shame whatsoever. 

Anna turned back to you. “Now don’t you think that’s just a smidge unethical? For a therapist to date their much younger patient?” 

You narrowed your eyes. You carried yourself with the lightness of a woman who finally had the moral high ground. “So you want to talk about what’s ethical, huh? I suppose that means you’ve told Liam about pineapple.”

All the blood drained from her face. You crossed your arms and held your head up a little higher. 

“That’s what I thought.” You grinned. 

“Look, could we just pretend to be a normal, functioning family for ten minutes?” Anna pleaded, as if there were anyone other than herself to blame for provoking an argument.

“That’s on you two.” Liam, rightfully, pointed out. He gestured to himself and then to Hannibal. “Neither of us have said anything.” 

The estate lawyer must have gotten his juris doctorate alongside a master's in impeccable fucking timing, because that was when he decided to make his entrance.

"I'm sorry for the wait, everyone." He announced. "And I'm sorry for having to pull you aside in your hour of mourning. Usually the last will and testament is handled through email to the beneficiaries, but your grandmother was quite adamant it be approached this way."

"That definitely sounds like her." You said, exchanging glances with Hannibal. You'd talked about this for what felt like hours the week prior. She was going to pull some last-minute bullshit to humiliate you from beyond the grave. Give all the inheritance to Anna and leave a snide comment about you in a legal document. You knew it was coming. All you could hope was for it to be quick.

The lawyer pulled an envelope from his briefcase. "She specifically asked for her two living grandchildren and their significant others to be present."

"Did she say it like that?" Anna raised an eyebrow. "Or was it more like, 'Anna and her husband, and [F/N] and her therapist'?"

"Mrs. Young," Hannibal said, taking your hand. "Until you tell your husband about pineapple, you aren't allowed to judge us."

Anna glared at you. "What the hell? He knows, too?!"

"Yeah." You answered. "I tell him everything."

"Okay, who or what is pineapple?" Liam interjected. "And why do I get the feeling I'm the only one not in the know, here?"

"That's cause you are." You confirmed. "And you have your lovely wife to thank for that."

"Everyone!" The lawyer called out. Clearly, he'd seen his share of dysfunctional families. "Please, let me just read the will and you can continue arguing afterwards."

"Y'know what? Fair enough." You said, crossing your legs. "Let's rip off this band-aid, shall we?"

The lawyer opened the envelope and produced a single page. He cleared his throat.

"I, Beatrice [L/N], being of sound mind and body, do hereby bequeath all my worldly possessions-" He began reading the long first sentence. "Including but not limited to, a collective sum of $45 million, the family home and my shares of the country club, to the first of my granddaughters to give birth."

You expected nothing. You expected something. But you never could have expected this.

"Can you please read that last part again?" You asked, unsure if what you heard was the result of a stroke.

"The entire inheritance goes to the first one of you to have a baby." The lawyer clarified, trying to make it sound like a reasonable arrangement.

"That makes sense." Anna said, nodding.

You looked at her, dumbfounded. "How in the fuck on fire does that make sense to you?"

"Well, the money would be going to a good cause." She rationalized. "To raise the baby, right?"

You shook your head. "No, this is insane. Grandma has always had this weird obsession with bloodlines, and now she's trying to incentivize us to carry it out."

"What happens if neither of us can, y'know?" Anna asked.

The lawyer pushed his glasses up his nose. "If neither granddaughter is willing to produce a child, the entire inheritance will go to the Eagle Forum, so my ungrateful grandchildren can learn about family values."

"She hated the Eagle Forum!" Anna objected. "She wouldn't dare."

"She absolutely would." You pressed your fingers into your forehead. "That's upper-class white moderates for you. And she doesn't have to be around to see when they name a fucking wing after her."

"The Beatrice [L/N] center for denying women bodily autonomy." Hannibal said. "It's quite fitting."

"[F/N], we can't let that happen." Anna pleaded. "We can't let Eagle Forum get a penny of that money."

"Why the hell not?" You said. Though on principle, you agreed, you knew this was just another one of your grandmother's power grabs. At the end of the day, she chose to leave her money to the Eagle Forum. And it would be her name on that check, not yours.

"Oh my god, you actually hate babies more than you hate conservatives." Anna stood with her mouth agape.

"Don't put words in my mouth." You snapped. "I don't hate babies. I hate grandma for trying to threaten me into having one. I hate grandma for pinning us against each other and making sure it stays that way."

"What do you have against giving me a little niece or nephew, huh?" Anna folded her arms.

"I'm fucking done." You said, throwing up your hands. "This will be the last you ever see of me."

Of course, that's what you said the last time.

[mrs-bartowski]

I went on an impromptu sc/Kara rant (sorry @captainmarvel-danvers 🤣😘) that I now feel like I want to just go ahead and post because I had a LOT of thoughts after these last 2 eps. So, here it is (and yes I did just straight up copy and paste because I'm lazy...don't judge me):

They're truly setting us up for either the greatest joy or greatest disappointment of our lives and I both love and hate it 🙃😭 someone called it Schrodinger's Ship the other day and I almost died 🤣🤣🤣

I genuinely can't imagine they'd ever go through with it either but if they're not it's to the point where I have absolutely NO clue where they even could take it instead ya know?? Another post I saw was basically like "if supercorp isn't endgame, what has Kara been doing for the last 2 seasons" and I was like...shit, I mean, yeah.

She literally has had no major arcs outside Lena since the reveal other than her 5 minutes in the PZ that arguably took her character BACKWARDS considering the fact that she just...didn't think to mention the fact that her father lied to her and was complacent in the destruction of their home planet?? Same way she did when they found Argo and Alura?? 🙄

It's honestly just tiring at this point like their entire lives have revolved almost 100% around each other for the last 2 1/2 - 3 years and you're telling me your big, groundbreaking takeaway is "look how strong female friendships can be 😀😀"?

It's bullshit and they know it, but even still I don't see them ever having the balls to admit it because even if they DO become canon, that doesn't change the fact that they told us for years they never would while continuing to bait us...placating us in the last 2 episodes of the last season when we KNOW if you hadn't gotten canceled you never would have done it means jack shit to me tbh, I'll still hate them just as much and honestly maybe even a little more for all the bullshit they put us through for whatever little scraps they're bound to give us one way or another.

I can't even trust that we'll get anything other than a Korrasami ending if by some miracle it becomes canon at all, and that would make me want to burn the whole fuckin network to the ground with everyone responsible inside (not trapped...they could have a chance to escape...but I'd hope they didn't).

The only other thing I could imagine is if their big thing for her is what a lot of people have been speculating and she DOES reveal her identity, and if so they have truly and utterly failed as writers. It's one thing to rewrite an ending for the shock factor because you think it's a bad thing that people can track where your story is going and see the logical resolution. That's fuckin dumb, but at least there's some way to make it make sense because you're writing it after the main storytelling process.

This is literally the opposite tho. It's like they forgot to actually write a story for Kara outside of Lena because they thought they'd have time, so now they're scrambling to put her through something that makes it all make sense but you can't...do that retrospectively if you never planned for it??

Not that they care, consistency and continuity have never even been on their priorities list, but it literally makes no sense whatsoever for Kara to reveal her identity based on the story they've given us so far because they LITERALLY KILLED EVERYONE SHE LOVES IN THE ONE REALITY WHERE SHE DID REVEAL IT.

You're telling me that "every morning I wake up and I imagine this moment" speech she gave Winn suddenly just goes out the window because she's going through the 7 Allstone trials??

How does her own personal emotional and mental journey have ANYTHING to do with the threat of revealing her identity, because it seems to me that no matter what she's thinking or feeling, she will always know that threats like Lockwood exist and it will ALWAYS be too much of a risk for her.

And if it isn't...she's not Kara anymore. I mean, they've butchered her as it is, but her whole Thing is supposed to be hope and - while the easy way out is to make the moral of the story "trust in the good in people and have hope that goodness will keep you safe" or whatever the fuck - I'm not sure how you can rely on hope (or courage, humanity, dreams, truth, love, or destiny) to...stop the bad people that still exist in the world from killing the people you love???

Like there is absolutely no fuckin way you could ever convince me that Kara Zor-El - who watched the mistakes of her family literally destroy her entire home planet and almost everyone on it (not that the way they've written her would make you think she's at all bothered by that anymore) AND saw a reality where she revealed her identity and EVERYONE SHE LOVES DIED - would ever make the CHOICE to reveal her identity...just because.

She literally said it's her greatest fear for the people she loves to get hurt because of her being supergirl. That fear doesn't just magically go away, and it's not something that personal growth could ever remove because it's a fear and distrust of evils that you KNOW WITHOUT A DOUBT EXIST and have SEEN your loved ones lose their lives to.

Even with LENA'S LIFE on the line, she hesitated. She never would have hesitated if any part of her would ever have considered revealing her identity unless she had absolutely no other option. And to throw all of that out the window because you were so busy baiting us that you forgot to actually give your lead any substantial character development??? It's not just lazy, it's a complete and utter failure as storytellers.

You LITERALLY had one job. And not once in five years have you done it right. So, I'm just gonna try to enjoy the moments we get and imagine all the fix-it fics and fanvids we'll get once this shit show is finally over 🙃

TLDR: If supercorp doesn't become canon, Kara doesn't have a reasonably planned out ending, because all of her growth in the last 2 years has revolved entirely around Lena; furthermore, if Kara's main arc turns out to be revealing her identity, the writers will have failed in every sense of the word, because not one iota of her on-screen experiences or development has suggested that she'd ever reveal her identity unless given no other option, and no amount of internal growth could ever remove the external threat that keeps her from doing so.

[butwhatifidothis]

Cap: Look at Bernadetta have a cool and big epic moment!!!! That I will not write because??? No but seriously why would he not write the actual scene of Bernadetta saving Woobiegard, Byleth and Alois? Like was he experiencing a Woobiegard drought and just HAD to go back to writing her?

Mean answer: No Woobiegard being able to watch? Not important enough to actually write out.

Potential actual answer (that's still kinda mean): He couldn't.

Like, I detail it out in the notes, but really think about it. Woobiegard is in heavy armor, and she and Byleth are both grown ass, muscly women. Alois is also in fairly heavy armor and is an even thicker muscly guy. Woobiegard dragged her and Byleth under rubble in her last-ditch attempt to get away from the fire, while Alois himself would likely be around or in the actual center of said fire given that he was completely unable to move from where he set it off at.

So, can anyone please explain to the class how, exactly, Bernadetta - who is approximately 5lbs soaking wet with noodly lil' twig arms to match - managed to do the following:

Find Byleth and Woobiegard in the first place, as, again, they were not in the spot Bernadetta would have thought they were in

Get Byleth's dead weight on top of the horse

Get Alois' (more literal) dead weight on top of the horse, while he was still in his fairly heavy armor and while managing to talk with him and get his last words said to her

Pick up and support Woobiegard's dead weight, while she was in straight up heavy armor

Convince her horse to stay still long enough in the middle of the raging flames for her to put two dead weights onto it

All ^^^ without suffering any burns whatsoever save for the ones she got just from touching Woobiegard's armor while supporting her (and not, say, Alois' armor while she put him on the horse, or from the horse's armor that also would have been heated, or, y'know, FROM THE FUCKIN' FIRE ITSELF)

And all of that ^^^ in a fairly quick manner

And ALL of THAT without anyone involved - save Alois who died from injuries gotten before the fire - suffering any sort of permanent injury, whether from burns from the fire or from smoke inhalation from the fumes (the latter mostly for Bernadetta who had to stand in the flames for a while)

I'll give you the quick answer: you literally can't. It's impossible. Bernadetta - or most anyone - could not have done all of this, and no writer in the world could have made it make sense. So Cap'n, instead of, like, just writing something else for Bernadetta to do, he just has it to where this all TOTALLY DID FOR REAL HAPPEN and everyone AROUND Woobiegard saw it happen and said it was really super duper cool of Bernadetta to do, but it, uh, just so happened to happen while she was knocked out. And the POV just so happened to switch from the one actually doing this to the one of the three possible people who were present that couldn't have seen this happen, just before it happened.

And that's mostly because Cap'n, uh, really doesn't know what to do with all these characters he has deemed as Totally Important. And, like, there's the argument that some characters can get away with this sort of treatment because of the background knowledge readers have that they actually are doing something important (for example, Whohardt healing people), but Bernadetta is. Uh. Definitely not that kind of character. She has done jack and shit this entire time; she's been a background character at best, being mentioned to hang around the other Black Eagles but rarely actually doing anything worthy of focus.

But Cap'n didn't want her to stay like that, so he imagined up this epic and cool rescue sequence where she saves the heroes through her bravery and determination, which is fine in theory... but then he got to actually trying to write it out, and saw that oops, wait, this is objectively impossible. This can happen a lot when thinking about scenes - in isolation, they look cool and amazing and you love how they look in your head, but as soon as you try to actually write it out in context you realize the difficulty (or impossibility) of actually making it reality.

Now, if this were a fic that had a better outline - where this pivotal character moment was planned out far earlier in the writing process, Cap'n could've used the fact that Bernadetta is actually one of the few units in all of Three Houses that learns the Rescue spell (the one other non-DLC unit to be able to do so being Flayn, and even including DLC that just adds Constance and Anna) and integrated that into his writing process. Where Bernadetta - timid, fearful Bernadetta, who takes to the bow precisely due to being able to better stay away from the fighting - could use her time that she spends with Marianne (that she does often enough in this fic already) to touch up on Faith magic, to maybe find uses to the army that don't involve her fighting at all. She's still primarily an archer, but it never hurts to learn new things, y'know? And she could use this Faith magic learning - that she got specifically due to her connection with Marianne, who is only in the army in this fic because of Woobiegard - to learn the rare Rescue spell. And this could tie back into how faith can be a good thing, how the Magic of Friendship (with specifically Woobiegard) helps all, and can give Bernadetta that cool moment of doing something that literally no one else in the army can do. And all of this while being, like, possible!

As it stands though, there's just this: a completely impossible maneuver from Bernadetta that Totally Happened off screen to the left of Camera 2 that everyone got to see but the reader