#stop making them miserable i hate it
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buddie bestieism is very important to me and i won’t let anyone ruin it for me
#stop making them miserable i hate it#they love each other support each other AND they mess with each other#no matter what might happen they’ll always be best friends first#911#buddie#evan buckley#eddie diaz#911 spoilers
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I love you when we haven’t talked in weeks and months I love you when I have 12 unread messages I love you when im not in the mood to talk. We’re still friends even when we spend time apart
#it’s like delayed parallel play to me.. or perhaps sending letters in the mail#when I wrote this it’s because I have this thing that is like. having too much of a good thing#like if I talk to someone and love them too much I burn out.. does that make sense?? is that a universal experience???#so sometimes when I have to spend time by myself I don’t stop loving my friends I think#especially because when I burn out I feel miserable for no reason and my brain comes up with ways to hate people#like oh they’re probably spending time with other ppl you’re disposable.. they probably forgot about you#one time I thought that if my friends were getting married they’d forget to invite me and it became a fear I’m trying to get over#but the answer I came up with is to keep reminding people I exist to stay present in their lives#even if it’s not as often as I can manage or would like. idk#yapping#feelings
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me when all my selfships are very popularly shipped with other characters (I hate canon sharing)

#this is mostly about a certain YELLOW BOT. however its true for all my f/os and i kind of hate it#i feel like crawling into a corner every time i open anybodys tag cause its all CANON SHIP STUFF.#and obv you can ship whatever u wanna. but my god does it make me feel like getting rubbed the wrong way with sandpaper#i just want to see my guy please ffs stop shoving this other guy in the picture with him i hate it here#ik i literally reblogged a post about this this morning but i am not having a good time rn#like y'all I literally cannot even follow jonns tag bc the ship stuff is so fucking bad in there#i cant look at it anymore#and i am REALLY struggling w blitzys tag. i want to see him so bad and im just getting beat to death#sorry chat im miserable and havent had anyone to yap at all day im going insane im afraid#proship selfship#proselfship#ratkingrambles#and like most of my guys im fine. like i ship vox and al hardcore. i love remy and rogue. meg and doom are cute.#like yk i generally am fine but holy fuck its like my two ACTUAL HUSBANDS exist just to be shipped with other characters ??????????#the only two i actively hate sharing and every post about them is ship stuff pls i cant do this anymore#okay im done i just needed to bitch for a minute#i may be pro fiction but my god am i gonna start biting people for these ships anyway back the fuck UP
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js woke up and im still thinking abt how ro just Left after realizing she wasn't trusted or wanted so it was pointless for her to continue trying to do her own plans, or even stay during her final s4 stream
like i feel so unwell abt how she was so content to just. leave. to have her talk w the two people she cherished most and leave them to ruin the world she'd spent all season desperate to preserve bc she realized even if there was nothing left, the builds meant nothing in comparison to the memories she held dear of her time w mapicc and zam
she didnt even yell at them or start fighting them abt it even when she expressed her discontent w how the world was being ruined, she made sure to leave things off by Thanking them for the memories they made w her and wishing them well before going on her way— leaving them to watch as she left them, stood surrounded by chaos of their own creation
#veni.txt#tbh not confident enough to maintag this LOL#ill just leave this here#bc i truly just cannot stop thinking abt team awesome#they make me so incredibly miserable bro#ro's final s4 stream has changed so much for me#oh my god like esp her being invited to end the server during s5 By devotions#that is suddenly so much more 🥹 knowing the Context of how ro left off her relationship w them in s4#im just so.........#“you guys dont trust me and thats okay.”#idek bro they make me want to eat drywall#like the girl who spent all season set on her Own goals and ideals to the point of pushing away everyone she loves#being the one to give up on her final goal and leave behind the people she was w all season bc she was happy w the memories#that theyd already given to her#i hate her#i hate her so bad pleaseeeeeee#id honestly say her deciding to leave was her final way of preserving the memories she cherished#bc if she is the one who leaves and turns her eyes away from the destruction of the world— and the people who are ruining it#then she can hold onto the memories that She wants w zam and mapicc rather than ones that may ruin or change things#which is honestly pretty funny tbh#like she went from not wanting to ruin the world to keep the memories alive#to leaving the world behind not to ruin the memories#she grew to recognize that change is inevitable and that is Why she left before more COULD change#so she could hold onto her happy memories spent w zam and mapicc in a way she wouldnt be able to#if she stayed and beared witness to who they were becoming. who they were.
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you are complaining about complaining too much while complaining about the fact that maybe people dont like you because you complain too much while complaining about being alone. just stop complaining and do something about it. talk to people. reach out. dont just wait for someone to come to you first.
i have tried reaching out to different people in the past year or so but it never works. i understand its my own fault for letting relationships decay because of my own insecurities and issues but that doesn't mean i can just will myself to think or believe different things about myself. it's a self fulfilling prophecy ; i think people don't like me so i don't reach out so people don't like me etc . i am sure you do not want to hear me list all the things i want to say in response so i will put them in the tags.
#every time i try to reach out or talk to someone it goes nowhere. i dont have any social skills anymore and have no clue how to keep a#conversation going. half the time even when i do people stop replying to me. which is fine theydont owe me a reply but still feels likeshit#when i tried to make one new irl friend it just didn't work because they have better options for friends. we spoke occasionally but never#messaged online like ever and would only talk when we happened to be in the same place. i tried multiple times to organize a time to hangou#none of which came to pass. i dont understand why this one didn't work because i thought this person was interested in being my friend but#i guess i was wrong or thought they were more interested than they really were.#i have a problem with reaching out anyway which has been a problem i have had since i was like 11. reaching out to people first doesnt come#easily to me - in the beginning when i was a lot younger i didn't want to bother people with my presence & thought if i were to come to#someone first they would feel pressured into talking to me when they didn't want to. this is stupid of course. but has still not left me as#something i feel is very core to the way i act today. waiting for someone to come to me first feels like my only option because i do not#know how to reach out effectively (my evidence being i have failed every time i have tried) & i am convinced people dont like me in the#first place and do not want me to approach them.#i dont really even know who to reach out to in the first place. my world is extremely narrow. the number of people i know has shrunk#significantly and my standing in their eyes collectively has also shrunk significantly in the past few years. i feel like every person i#was once friends with wants nothing to do with me. i feel as if i have burned every bridge possible.#when it comes to the fact i complain all the time . which i know of course is annoying. its because i cant find any kind of joy in anything#i do or see or whatever. nothing makes me happy - i only see things to complain about. all stimulus seems grating and the world seems#specifically catered to make me miserable. all i can really do is complain. i treat this blog like a stream of consciousness and when most#of that consciousness is occupied with how much i hate being alive the blog will mostly be complaining. its a vicious cycle lol .#anyway . i guess the key theme is low self esteem begets low self esteem in many ways. mental illness begets mental illness.#i am not really saying this to anyone least of all to you anon. i just felt compelled to recount i guess for myself the reasons that came#to mind for why i am like this. i am talking to myself here
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something truly special about mcyt where people cant just leave it alone. if mcyt gets involved in something that gets attention, no one has the decency to go "ew" and slap the block button, they HAVE to make sure EVERYONE knows they hate it and hate you and want your day to be worse
#was looking back at cat of the year discourse and wanted to say this lol#if i complained about everything i hate i would be INSUFFERABLE#if i fought everyone before blocking them i would be MISERABLE#dont you guys think it would be better for everyone to just fuck off and block#what is it about mcyt that makes people HAVE to start fights jdhjdh#anyways sorry to op who did apologize and ended up deactivating anyways#but god it's getting fucking annoying that we arent even allowed to have fun in public#i barely mention mcyt on my main bc i dont trust my friends#they probably think i stopped drawing ages ago 😭#chat
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silly thing i made last night XP
vargas by @zarla-s
#sunny's art#vargas#vargas zarla#edgar vargas#scriabin vargas#zarla s#haiii i'm back :3#i've been through a bunch of stuff recently#but i think i feel better now :)#my mind has been acting real silly lately#my brain just keeps saying KILL YOURSELF. KILL YOURSEEELF#but nothing new#i just saw this audio on tiktok and i though it fit with them soooo#also i'm now school-free for the next two months#i hope i feel motivated enough to draw something#it's just that my motivation only comes after 10pm#ohhhhh edgar looks so miserable here i want to put him in an air fryer#he just wants to be comforted D:#my heart ached while drawing this#i always make scriabin look unnecessarily pretty#and i HATE IT#BECAUSE HE DOESN'T DESERVE IT#one day i drew them with freckles and now i can't stop .......#my brain !! finally managed !! to think of something not chapter 20/21 or diaryfic related !!! 🥳🥳#edit : fun fact i was just about to make this abt diaryfic#this doesn't necessarily have a context??#i was thinking of something like chapter 18#i struggled so much uploading this for no reason ....#my art style is so inconsistent#but i think it looks okay
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#I need time to properly sit down and write what I mean#but I think this trailer just solidified the loustat getting together this season more than anything#keep seeing takes on Twitter (and I know I shouldn’t take a soul on Twitter seriously)#about how ~if you’re expecting monogamy tough luck~#and like? yeah I do though this makes that even clearer???#lestat is going to be fucking around with groupies and stuff because he’s miserable??#he literally hates himself???#and so the arc of the season being rooted in#lestat is a mess and he’s figuring out how to stop being a mess while there’s other mess going on#and a key factor is being loved so we get loustat and we get that burst of happiness and love for a bit#then snatch it away at the end of the season#rip it from them not because of their own failures this time but outside sources#and ruin them both#because Akasha has come for Lestat and she’s taking him away#idk that just makes SO much sense
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Normally I don't like calling out specific names when it's a large number of people doing stupid shit but holy fucking shit I actually need Limus to log off and never breathe a word about anything Hazbin related ever again
#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel valentino#it would be medicine to mine and perhaps even her miserable soul#if they didn't already make things worse for survivors that are hazbin fans before they seem really fucking determined to do it now jfc#“i take issue with viv saying that people who like val are valid--” then don't fucking like him stop playing the moral highground oh my god#they will do anything to push this “fiction=reality” bullshit and other already vulnerable people they don't deem valid i hate them so much#i'd feel bad about this if they weren't a hypocritical little piece of snot but reality is often disappointing ughhh#mute and move on is my next move here they're not ruining my bluesky experience with their disingenuous bullshit#i just needed to get this outta my system cuz man whatever scraps of empathy i tried to muster for them is eroding so fast ngl#of course they'd have an opinion on the val merch and spin this into something worse get in there while it's hot i guess. i need a break#momento rambles
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had the most braindead repetitive conversation/argument with my parents. buzz cuts are too masculine but if you dye a design on it it become effeminate which is bad because then you look weak and if youre weak then society falls apart (all societies ever that have fallen apart for any reason are actually because of feminine men) and we start sacrificing babies. and also all mental illness is invented because only 4 people had anxiety in the 90s and covid was made up so that we would all become gay and trans and then the government can control us better and be joe biden's little sex slaves. and also i need to keep my hair long because my father finds it attractive. what
#lolaa.txt#what do i even tag this with . my mother wouldn't let me leave and i kept asking for sources and she kept saying 'i'm your mother!!!'#'i wouldnt lie to you!'#okay. say that to someone maybe who doesnt know you lie to them all the time.#its tiring going around in circles with her.my father is better because at least he admits when he doesnt have a reason for feeling some wa#also what got me. she said 'do you own research if you want!! but im right!!!'#yeahh not seeing anything about anything you just said. i think you made that up.#i have a theory that my mother secretly hates herself because she believes all women are weak and must serve strong men#and my father has so so much trauma and anxiety that he cant be that strong man#so now she feels like shes betraying her very biology when she has to step up.#and also because i am stronger than her now and my hair is long and far far denser than hers and i have a younger face#that she feels that im wasting my precious femininity that she could be using. does that make sense.#shes so miserable trapped in her idea of what makes a man and a woman what they are. once you stop caring about what makes someone somethin#you dont have to worry about anyone else.#im queer because i dont really feel that connection to biological and social ideas of gender that my parents seem to#never really have#im not gonna theorize 'ohh shed be happier nonbinary' or stuff like that because it is up to you and you alone to define who you are#if you spend your whole life trying to fit a box for the sake of fitting the box#then when would you have any space for self discovery#youve invented personality traits to go along with your box. now you can never ever change or grow as a person. congrats#and you know what? one day she will die. and that will be the end of that.#and i will live and i will probably shave my head a thousand times. and come up with new names#and new ways to be a better person that makes me feel happy#and i will dress like a boy because its all made up anyways. who cares.#and if you care? that much about what im wearing or how i look?#then thats your problem and i wont be responsible to maintain your happiness.#SORRY RANT OVER.#im just so flabbergasted. what a sad life someone can lead poisoned by jealously and reactive rhetoric.#tw homophobia#tw transphobes
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the thing about the “love letter” core of these characters is that it is turning out to be a very fascinating coping mechanism. of like, when i have that moment of “oh no my autism is making me so fucking annoying/embarrassing/whatever right now” self-awareness, instead of getting shuttled into the semi-usual downward self-cringing spiral, i find myself breaking off into “actually, i think one of these characters does the exact same thing and the other one Loves them for it”, which i find i like a lot more
#N posts stuff#this one not for the side blog bc it’s more about Me than the characters specifically lol#BUT i will say that yes this was triggered by me realizing several hours into a movie marathon that i was constantly#talking over the movies and kinda spoiling them just bc i got excited to talk about them & forget to think about like#the fact that other people can hear me and don’t have my exact comprehension/knowledge of things and whatever. Oops#but then also yeah. i think changeling does this constantly and augustus loves it bc she likes how it makes the movie predictable#like it’s not just that she likes listening to changeling infodump she Genuinely likes having a distracting interjection that tells her what#to expect from the movie. like she doesn’t like watching movies but she Does like watching them with changeling specifically bc the way it#cannot shut up for once does serve to make the experience more accessible to her. it’s More enjoyable that way#now IRL with Me it’s not like i’d use this as an excuse to disregard other people’s experiences or complaints or anything#but like tonight specifically no one said anything so it feels safe to assume no one was Actually that bothered#and that’s one of those things where i Could make myself miserable trying to figure out if people secretly hate me for being annoying#but also why would i? i can’t read minds to know if i should stop so i shouldn’t read minds to self-flagellate after the fact if it is#Equally Possible no one complained bc no one was bothered. is that making sense?#i know what i mean at least. i do love these characters tho i feel like i have never been happier to create something :3
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Having completely normal thoughts about jonny! (INCORRECT BUZZER)

#unhealthy relationships#cw unhealthy relationships#okay so like my brain is just destroyed by jonny and Brian thoughts recently I can’t stop making them miserable#need to explain how I think their relationship developed because I… I hate my brain and I love it too#will make an actual post about it soon#bear growls#the mechs#jonny d'ville
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It's difficult dealing with so many people who think we aren't meant to be with eachother. I don't get why someone else's relationship can mean so much to bystanders. Can't you find something else to do?
#mine#yandere#yancore#irl yandere#yanderecore#yandere vent#yanposting#i just. self confidence can only get you so far. surrounded by people who are saying awful things wears me down so much#i hate them so much and i wish they never existed. its making me stronger supposedly but the only thing i feel like its actually doing is#making me violent and miserable and angry and nauseous. please stop saying those things about him#i try to block it out but its literally everywhere. this is all i have. this is ALL I HAVE. BUT IT DOESNT MATTER HUH#and it feels like theyre all against me. and the only thing i can do is cry and hate them more and more#and the only thing i can do is love him the most. but only by myself. because no one can comprehend the lengths i would go#and no one takes it seriously and appreciates that its the only thing keeping me sane and the only reason why im here rn#but then again. they dont matter do they?#i just need to permanently kill that part of me that cares what they think. because nothing else and no one else matters!! ok??
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Man, I realize demanding that someone execute their own brother is pretty fucked up, but He Xuan asking that of Shi Qingxuan still gave them more respect than Shi Qingxuan ever got from Shi Wudu [gave them the ability to make their own choice after finally being given the full story and enough context to actually have the capacity for informed consent, something that Shi Wudu spent centuries denying to Shi Qingxuan] and also, He Xuan did nothing wrong and should be allowed to do all the atrocities he wants, thank you for your time
#this bitch told me shi wudu loves his brother more than anything; i said 'bitch where'#she said 'under all his bluster and overbearing bullshit'; i said 'BITCH *WHERE*'#like………all tea all shade: shi wudu is actually the person who jiang cheng antis think they are hating#selfish? check. never listens? check. disrespects everyone's agency? check. no self-reflection on atrocities? check. learns nothing? CHECK.#i wish all jiang cheng antis a very 'please read tgcf so you can at least meet a character who actually does all the things you're saying'#literally every decision he made was fundamentally fucking selfish & he just gaslit himself into believing#that he did it—all of it—out of love for shi qingxuan#like how do you look at shi qingxuan—finally in the loop after centuries of being denied that chance—telling their gege#'no please let's pick the first option i would rather be a piteous wretch driven to madness by my own suffering than#live in a world where you died unnecessarily; we can make things right with he xuan AND both live; a miserable life is better than DEATH'#and shi wudu going 'lmao denied stop being a whiny little bitch and come chop my head off already you'll thank me for this later'#and walk away from that genuinely believing that this is a man who loves his brother. it's pretty clear to me that he does not.#love looks like a lot of different things and as far as i'm concerned this ain't one of them#also he xuan should be allowed to do all the atrocities he pleases thank u#kassie hush#mine: text#opinions for ts#wank for ts#idk? maybe? i'm being a hater so it probably counts
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If u have bad mental health and you're misery obsessed, literally just stop feeding yourself poison all the time. Your mental health will improve. If you're only primarily consuming extremely angsty fiction, stuff with mentally unwell conflicts, abusive relationships, etc, you're only keeping your own mental status locked in a box of this one thing. If you're miserable irl, and obsessed with fiction centered around misery, it 1000000% IS making it so your mental health will never improve. When you see healthy relationships in fiction? Learn how to appreciate them and idolize them, and dissect them and understand them, instead of turning towards fiction that depicts this healthy relationship as abusive and toxic. You have to start somewhere with yourself. This is an easy way to help improve your overall mental health and worldly outlook.
#i see too many ppl#who struggle with bad mental health#and bad coping mechanisms#be solely obsessed with misery abuse and toxicity in fiction#and i then see how much that contributes to their irl misery#now it doesnt effect everyone this way#bc a lot of ppl can seperate fiction from reality and have good coping mechanism#but ppl solely misery obsessed have trapped themselves in a web where they are confused#over whats effecting them from real life and what fiction has influenced#i could go on and on about this bc ive just known toooooo many ppl#and their behaviors are terrible and a lot of it is influenced by how they consume media#and then we stop being friends bc im not okay with surrounding myself with misery#and thrn theyre even more miserable bc they keep driving ppl away by trying to drag them down#and its like man....#you gotta make a change somewhere....#media is probably the easiest place to start!#watch love live or something and then afterwards#dont go read fiction about them hating each other snd abusing each other#appreciate their healthy relationships with each other
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i can’t believe i’m sick. it makes me write fluff. make it stop
#i‘m serious make it stop i shouldn’t be enjoying myself but i do i hate this#i should be breaking hearts not warm them#am i having a stroke or what#i‘m so miserable#₊❏❜ ⋮rins thoughts
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