#stop cutting to the core of my being i cant take it

[tracklessreason]

Hi. It's me again.

WHERE THE FRICK IS BUMBLEBEE?! Sorry, let me calm down and retry.

Thank you for answering my last ask, I can't help but notice how no one knows where Bee's ghost is. And Megatron is the one looking into the Matrix... Is he haunting Megatron? Trying to stop him from doing it? Helping him?

Is Optimus's ghost following Ratchet around like a sad puppy?

Also just the pairings- Jazz with Megatronus? THat sounds... like fun.

Do the primes miss the other Primes and ask their host if they can check on the other bots that got shrapeneled? Maybe one of them asks if they can find a way to talk with the others... or maybe they can talk trough the hosts... maybe... (ah ah possessed arc)

(PS I really vibe with Hive's whole deal, he is very cool :D and I'm devastated that I'm the one that discovered how he explodes)

Hug hug!

Hi again!!! Don't worry, Bee is still here!

His spirit is just...struggling. He's weak at first, flickering like a dying light bulb. He hasn't left the fractured core of the Matrix still in his corpse, but his soul signature is so weak no one can find him. He's just sort of trapped there for a while, in the burnt out room he died in. Until Megatron of course.

Megatron breaks into the autobot base, walks past every sleeping mech he could easily have snuffed, and steals the Matrix core, and by unintentional extension, steals Bumblebee. Now at first, Bee is rightfully upset. He hates being at the gloomy decepticon base, he hates Megatron for taking his voice, he's just mad. Time passes as Megatron tinkers with the core, and Bee regains strength enough to....throw things???

It shouldn't be possible. Somehow this unstable remnant of the Matrix doesn't contain him, but merely houses him, and as he grows stronger, he can appear as an apparition to Megatron. He uses it almost solely to hinder him. With no voice (even ghost Bee gets no respite) all he can really do is mess up Megatron's workspace and insult him through pantomime. Really he doesn't understand why Megatron puts up with it, but aside from the occasional fit of rage at his antics, the decepticon leader ignores him as much as possible and puts his all into trying to restore the Matrix.

Before long he starts having one sided conversations with Bumblebee. Its mostly complaints at first, and insults towards him and the autobots and whatever else goes wrong in his life outside of this little workshop Bee cant leave. It soon gives way to more private matters; intentionally or not, Megatron is revealing his very convoluted, very mixed feelings about Optimus Prime.

The war has gone on too long, why couldn't that idiot just see things from his perspective, he deserved to die, he will be brought back, how could his oldest friend just leave him like this...

To Bee it sounds...exactly like how Optimus felt about Megatron, just drowned in molten anger issues. Against his self preservation instinct, Bee decides to work towards putting this whole mess to bed. Nothing better to do.

With what limited knowledge and communication he has, he does his best to try and help Megatron fix the Matrix. They have spats still, and plenty of set backs, but things smooth over when Megatron (begrudgingly) admits to feelings of regret over taking Bee's voice. As an olive branch, Bee explains something to Megatron that he's been dying to know: how Optimus died.

Things sour fast. Megatron is determined to murder Starscream, Bee is frustratedly trying to explain that if he does so, this little partnership of convenience is over, and he will ensure that the Matrix is never restored. The end of the war relies almost solely on Megatron reeling in his damn anger, and Bee doesnt intend to allow any slip ups. He has no idea how this will end when Megatron leaves the workshop that night.

On the other side of things, the Primes are having a real...weird time?? The ones without hosts can communicate with each other, but the other four are basically cut off from all but their hosts. They don't have the ability to take control anymore, and even if they did, their hosts are nowhere near as easy to possess, nor as willing, as Hive Prime was. Ratchet especially has threatened to tear the Matrix metal from his frame and grind it to dust if Prima so much as thinks about trying it. The other three hosts are similarly put off.

Once again the Primes are relegated to giving advice, but it's not advice anyone seems to want, and yeah, it's mostly because of the wild pairings. Megatronus is constantly clutching his pearls over Jazz's laid-back attitude and deliberate ignorance of his wishes. Prima's calm rationality does little to temper Ratchet's snappy demeanor and only really gets on his nerves (how can you be so calm after what you all did?). Ironhide straight up refuses to acknowledge Quintus. Drift is probably the only one feeling alright with all this. Alpha Trion is generally reasonable, and isn't interested in having control over Drift's form, nor was he interested in it with Hive, so they just vibe like college roommates.

It's uncomfortable, but the Primes are used to sharing space. The worst part is actually sharing it with fewer mechs than usual. The Primes all miss each other to varying degrees, but for the most part are either too egotistical to admit it, or think it improper to mention.

Of course, grand prize for worst ghost time currently goes to Optimus. Dying, watching Bee suffer, feeling his friend's life force extinguish...

He might as well be a husk right now, full on silent treatment is all he's capable of at the moment. The other Primes know better than to try and speak with him. This is their doing to begin with, the channeling of their energy that strained Bee so heavily. Optimus follows the elected council around during the days, but at night he sits outside the room where Hive's body rests. He was there the night that Megatron broke in.

It takes immense effort to travel far enough out from the base to go see Megatron, and he needs several cycles to recover after every attempt, but he keeps doing it, knowing he could fade away permanently. When he gets there, he's too weak for Bee or Megatron to detect him. But he can hear their talks. He misses them both more than words can say.

(Sorry the response is so long, lol. This ask really got the gears turning in my head. I hope at least that makes up for being the one to find out that Ending 3 Hive dies bloody. I'm really flattered to hear you like him! For me that's quite high praise coming from you. Hug hug!)

[struniolos]

bags.

“cant you see me? i’m waiting for the right time.”

chris sturniolo x fem! reader.

synopsis: the one time chris convinces you to sleep in his room instead of nicks, and the truth comes tumbling out.

warnings: smut. minors do not interact.

the sound of chris’ mindless humming fills the air of his room, as you watch from his plush bed the way he thoroughly reads through your mid-term college paper. his hair falls over his eyes, and his legs sit apart. you could watch him like this for hours, how he just seems so calm and present- you try and capture these moments in your mind, like you could take a photograph with your eyes.

“honestly, i don’t think you should include the part about when your childhood dog died.” he speaks up, looking back at you.

you raise an eyebrow. “yeah, it’s not like it’s a core event that impacted my life which is exactly what the paper is supposed to be about.”

he quirks the corner of his lips upwards. “it’s just so depressing, you know?”

“my life is depressing.” you counter with a laugh, watching as he rolls his eyes.

“you asked for my feedback, and that’s what i’ve got. cut the dead dog story.” he says, trying to be as serious as chris sturniolo can possibly be.

you couldn’t help but smile at him, watching as he pushed his feet against the ground to sway his desk chair back and forth. his pyjama pants were definitely a sight to see, blue plaid. a secret, shameful voice in your head fantasised about how soft they would feel up against your skin. you glance down at your watch, which pulses to remind you of your sleep schedule.

“fuck, it’s 12am. i should probably head home.” you sigh, rubbing your eyes.

chris looks up as if he were a puppy. you imagined if he had dog ears they’d be perked up. “it’s too late! what if you get murdered or something on your way?”

“in my car?” you question.

he nods, wide eyed. “uh, yeah, what if someone, like, pretends to have been hit by a car then when you stop and get out boom! they stab you.”

“you sure it won’t be you? seems like you’ve had that planned for a while.” you chuckle, shaking your head. chris always had such strange theories and scenarios running around in his mind- if it was possible, you’d love to open it up and take a peak inside. a part of you wondered if you had a place in there somewhere.

he wafts you off with his hand. “you can sleep over, you know nick and matt won’t care.”

you hum in agreement, not particularly wanting to drive home at this late hour, not because of the potential murderers, but the fact that you were ready to collapse in a heap from how tired your brain was. “alright, i’ll go ask nick to pull out his spare mattress for me.”

“it’s so strange he has a spare bed for all his friends when they sleep over, like, just share a bed?” chris rambles, as he stands up and stretched his arms over his head, his stomach peaking out from under his white top. god.

“it’s not strange, it’s very thoughtful. he’s even got a spare cabinet of toiletries for when people stay over.” you point out.

“jesus christ.” chris groans, rolls his eyes.

“whatever.” you scoff, beginning to stand up off chris’ bed, dreading the thought of having to walk up two flights of stairs to get to nick’s room.

chris frowns at you, tilting his head. “you don’t have to go. why don’t you just sleep in here?”

“uh…” you try to muster up something, some dumb excuse for why you couldn’t. because i’m madly in love with you? because i won’t be able to control myself?

“so you’ll have a sleepover with nick but not me?” he grumbles, crossing his arms. “don’t make it weird. we’re just sharing a bed.”

“yes, exactly the point of why it will be weird.” you laugh.

“come on, it’ll be fun. we could watch a movie?” he suggests, a smile adorning his plump lips.

this flusters you, the thought of being so close, watching a movie together, alone, in his room. there was always someone with you, wether it be nick, matt, nate or madi. but not tonight- and that scared you.

“alright, i’ll stay for a bit but i’m not sleeping in here.” you tell him firmly, trying to lay down boundaries before you did anything stupid.

this seems to please chris enough, as he smiles and jumps onto the bed ridiculously, the weight of him bouncing the bed and making it squeak. a dark part of your mind thought about the other ways his bed would make those noises, but you shut it down immediately. once you sat down beside him, with your legs crossed, you scrolled through the netflix catalogue on his tv. you finally settle on she’s the man.

you can see chris in the corner of your eye scrunching his face up. “oh come on, really?”

“it’s a good movie!” you argue, hitting his arm playfully.

he scoffs at you. “so you’ve said about a million other movies that were all shit.”

“actually, could we not watch a movie? i’m really fucking tired.” you yawn, snuggling yourself into the duvet. you remain on top of it though, in a way of telling yourself to not get too comfortable. “i cant be bothered arguing about what to watch, anyway.”

“okay, well what did you want to do instead?” he asks, turning onto his side to face you, now. the only light in his room was that of the tv which illuminated his pale skin, his bright blue eyes glistening. it hurt just how gorgeous he was without even trying.

you shrug. “sleep?”

he nods, now rolling onto his back. you assume this means he is in agreement, but he doesn’t say anything. he just stares up at his ceiling fan, breathing slow. you watch him deep in thought, like his mind is really tinkering over something and gnawing at his insides.

“why don’t you want to sleep in here?” he suddenly says, turning his head slightly to face you.

you sigh. “because chris, it’s weird. we’re friends- we aren’t like, dating or anything. it’s not weird with nick, but with you…”

“with me what?”

your mind fogged with a cluster of everything. all of the stolen glances, the going places you knew chris would be there, always being at his beck and call because you were a ‘good friend’.

you sigh, deciding if you didn’t say anything now, you’d beat yourself up for it. “because...because i like you, chris, and i know you don’t feel the same. i know how you feel about relationships, they scare you. so it’s just easier if i set boundaries for myself and-“

“you like me?” he cuts you off mid sentence, now propping himself up on his side on his forearm.

your stomach sinks. there’s no turning back now. “yes.”

there’s a thick pause between you, and you prepare yourself for the worst. you squeeze your eyes shut, covering your face with your hands. why the fuck had you told him? you’ve ruined everything. now he will never want to hang out with you, and it’ll be awkward with nick and matt and-

“why have you never said anything?” he whispers, quieter than you’d ever heard him.

you swallow, biting your lips hard. “because i didn’t want to ruin not only our friendship but mine with nate, madi, matt, and oh god especially nick.”

chris nods slowly, like he’s really taking to what you’re saying, like he understands the weight of it and why you’d never said anything. why you’d always stayed quiet, and admired from afar. he touched his hair, mindlessly twirling a strand.

“nick never told you?” chris said softly, his eyebrows knitting into one. he looked sad, almost.

“told me what?” you whisper back, your heart now beating in your throat.

chris was never one with words, so when he leaned over and pressed his lips softly to yours, you understood this was his way of saying i like you too.

your cheeks were burning, as he cupped them in his hands. you both slowly began to roll over, with chris now hovering above you and his knee between your legs. you kissed him pathetically desperate, your body keening against his. you lips didn’t seperate once, as if you were breathing air into each other’s lungs and if you parted you’d suffocate. his hair tickles your forehead, his nose pushing into your cheek. you were waiting for yourself to wake up, that you had fallen asleep and this was only a sick part of your mind playing tricks on you. but it was real, he was real.

“fuck, i’ve wanted to do this for so long.” he whispers against you, as his hands roam down your body.

you gasp at the feeling. “you have?”

“mhm.” he murmurs, tugging at the hem of your shirt. “can i take this off?”

you nod, batting your lashes to look at him, and god, he was beautiful as ever.

“this isn’t going to ruin things between us, is it? because i’ll stop right now if it means you’ll never speak to me again.” he pleads, doe eyes looking at you wide and earnest.

“chris.” you whisper, your hand coming to hold his warm, pink cheek. “i would never not talk to you. i want this, i have wanted this.” more than you know you wanted to add, but couldn’t find the willpower.

“i want this too.”

you both assisted each other in swiftly discarding of your clothes, leaving you both only in your underwear. you felt so exposed, the fact he knew how to you felt and that your body was on display. he stroked your thigh as it came to curl around his back, his kisses travelling to your neck and collarbone. you moaned softly at the feeling, his warm lips lighting little fires within your skin. he bit at the plush flesh above your bra before removing it, his hands coming to hold and massage each mound.

you guided one of his hands down to your heat, begging with your eyes. “please.”

chris snaked his hand under your waistband, his slender fingers softly touching your folds. it was all so painfully soft, how he rubbed circles at your core while kissing you slow and deep. he shimmied your panties down, leaving them at your thigh. he dipped a finger into you, your velvet walls pulsating around him. your body begged for more, and chris listened. he was in tune with you, without having to say a word. he pushed in another finger, which elicited a deep moan from within your throat.

“that feel good?” chris murmured, his lips at your cheek.

“god, yes.” you whined, your body curling against his.

he pumped his fingers in and out of your wetness, as you clawed into his shoulders and shuddered against his bigger frame. you could feel him through his boxers, as he ground down against you. his pace increased as he felt you clench around his fingers, the sounds coming from you almost pornographic.

you moaned and cried for him, “chris! i’m almost- ah!”

your orgasm came strong like a thunderous tsunami, your legs stretching and your eyes rolling into the back of your head, your mouth hung open silently as no noise could possibly explain how euphoric you felt.

“mhm, that’s it.” he cooed, riding you through your high and praising you in your ear.

you would never be able to see him the same, never look at him platonically ever again. you knew this would ruin you. he kissed you deep, his tongue licking into your mouth.

“i want to feel you.” he moaned, grinding his constricted mound against your heat. “i want to be inside you.”

the weight of him on top of you combined with his honeyed words began to make you feel all hot and tingly again, as you pulled him incredibly close, your lips puffed and swollen.

“i want that too.” you manage, grinding up against him, the friction euphoric.

he pauses, looking down at you, his chain dangling in your face and hair flopping over his face. “are you sure?”

“mhm.” you hum, “need you.”

chris gives you one last firm kiss, before reaching down to pull his boxers to his thighs. your face flushed a deep maroon, watching as his leaking, pink tip pulsated. he rubbed himself gently, and you reached down to help him. he guided your hand up and down his length, and you felt yourself getting wetter. you shimmied your panties the rest of the way down, kicking them off your ankles. swiftly, he reached over to his bedside table drawer to grab a condom, ripping the packet with his teeth and gliding it down his shaft. you clenched your thighs with anticipation.

the brunette lined himself up with your weeping entrance, as you stroked his hair. you both watched as he slid into you, his tip disappearing into you. your jaw went slack, a pathetic moan tumbling from your plush lips. chris slumped over you once he had bottom out, his face in the crook of your neck.

“fuck, you feel so good.” he groaned, his hair tickling the nape of your neck. “can i move?”

“please.” you beg, as he lifts his head to lock eyes with you. you could no longer see the blue, they were merely bands around his blown pupils.

the first thing you felt was relief as he began to thrust in and out of you, his forearms leaning at each side of you as he held himself up. you knew it was quite vanilla, but thoroughly enjoyed being able to see his pink cheeks and open mouth as he moaned on top of you. his thrusts were passionate and deep, something you least expected from him. it felt ridiculously good, your body overcome with a warm fuzzy feeling deep from within you.

“faster.” you whimpered, holding his head with both hands, clawing into his soft dark hair.

he did as he was told. he picked your legs up, pushing them to your chest so you were folded in half. he began to snap his hips against yours, his balls slapping against your ass. he was impossibly deep, you swore you could feel him in your stomach. he grunted and groaned as he thrust, while you whimpered and clawed at his back. the noises coming from your bodies were ridiculously erotic, the wetness of your pussy and the moans escaping your throat.

“i want to hear you.” he growled, eyes dark and swirling with lust.

“ah, chris yes!” you cried, as he slammed deep within you, his hands holding the back of your thighs to keep you in place.

he quickly slipped out of you, and you almost cried at the feeling of being empty. he flipped you over so quickly you didn’t have time to register, your stomach flat against the bed and his chest flush against your back. he sunk back into you, and you pressed your head into the pillows, muffling your cries.

“oh my- fuck.” you moaned, your eyes rolling into the back of your head.

his hands found purchase on the flesh of your hips, gripping it tight and using it as leverage for his relentless thrusts. his body slammed against yours, fucking you into the mattress. he reached around between you and the sheets, rubbing your sensitive bud.

“i’m close! shit!” you swore, biting your fist as he continued to slam into you, your ass bouncing against his pelvis.

“me too, ah!” he grunted, “i wanna see your face when i fill you up.”

you moaned at the thought, hoisting one leg up and twisting your core so that you turn around to look at him. he had a sheen of sweat coating his body and his lips between his teeth, while his hair fell in his face and his arms tensed as he held you down. the bed frame squeaked rapidly, thudding against the wall. there was no way nick and matt couldn’t hear you.

“fuck!” you cried, your orgasm washing over you in a thick wave. your vision was blurred, and your body froze.

the feeling of you clenching around him must’ve sent him over the edge, as chris’ hips stuttered with a cracked moan coming from his throat. he thrust into a few more times, spurting his hot liquid into you. your eyes were lidded, a dumb smile overcoming you as you watched him puff and pant. he collapsed beside you, but you made sure to face him so you could admire his post sex haze. you both lay in silence for a while, basking in each other.

“i cant believe we just did that.” chris mumbled, his finger tracing mindlessly over your face.

“me neither.” you breathe.

he thinks for a moment, pushing his hair out of his face to reveal his pink cheeks, freckles spattered over his nose. “you think matt and nick heard?”

“definitely. secrets out now.” you say, scrunching your nose.

chris laughs, reaching his arms to envelope you into him. he switched the tv off, now leaving you in the pitch black. as you lay there, caged within his arms, you couldn’t help but let somber thoughts cloud you. you wondered how things would change, what would you two become? was this a one time thing? did he really like you back or were you just another warm body?

“do you really like me too?” you whispered into the darkness, nuzzling your nose into his chest to feel his heartbeat.

“i always have. i just never know what to say in these situations. i get stuck.” he confesses, his hands running through your hair soothingly. “girls scare me.”

you chuckle, shaking your head. “who knew, huh? chris sturniolo, ladies man…is scared of girls.”

he laughs with you now, squeezing you tight. “shut up.”

you find yourself lulled to sleep by his breathing and the feeling of him pressed against you. you’d never felt so comforted, like you belonged somewhere, more than what you did in that moment.

[aliceinborderlandsquidgame]

Say it back | The Salesman x Wife!Reader |

Summary: Playing jokes with your husband its never a good idea.

Warnings: Obsession - Possessive!Salesman - Suggestive - Unhealthy relationship - Suggestive -

"I love you my Love, have a good day" The Salesman says kissing your lips, checking himself on the mirror one last time before going to the door.

And he stops.

Because the Salesman its a creature of habit. Morning routines have centrain aspects that cant be changed.

And one of them is getting a kiss from you and a "I love you back" before he opens the door to leave and meet the future unfortunated ones for the games.

But he hears nothing, just the soft music from your phone as you eat your breakfast.

The Salesman waits, one, two, up to three minutes.

He goes back to check if he did forgot something. Was this a special date ? No. Did you two have anything planned ? No. Did he do something drastic to you this morning? No.

He leans in front of you, turning the music off.

"My Love" He starts tone calm, way too calm. "I said I loved you"

"Yes, I did hear" Its your response "Can I get my phone back?" You ask him and when he puts it away and leaves his briefcase you know you have done it.

You fucked up.

"Dear wait-" You stand up trying to rasonate with him but he is not listening as he walks towards you like a predator. "I was just-"

You are cut off as he pushes you against on the wall hard. The air leaving your lungs for a moment. Your head does not hit the wall because his hand was in between.

"You were wait my Love?" He asks right into your ear his grip on your arm strong and possessive as his other one goes down caressing your side stopping at your hip. "Please enlight me on what you were doing" He says biting your neck softly

Maybe your brain did not register the threat tone his voice carries or maybe you wanted to see how much you could push him.

"I was having breakfast till you decided to get back and interrump me"

By the cold look he gives you and the shiver that runs down your spine thats both from exciment and fear you know you have made him mad.

"Oh, so you were doing that?" He asks, there is a warning there. He knows what you are doing and he is not liking it.

He takes your neck in one hand giving it a firm grip, its not enough to let yourself without air but enough for it to feel like a real warning and a danger. To let you know just as much as he can love you he can hurt you.

"I will give you a second chance" He says one hand cupping your core making you gasp "And if you answer like a good wife, the good one I know you are I will think on not being too...rough with you"

Maybe. Thats the last word his mind thinks.

"I- I was going to say that I loved you back but I forgot" You lie feeling one finger go inside your pants and past your undewear teasting you. "P-Please I just-"

But he does not believe you. He knows how to read people and hell, he knows how to read you. Part of you was made by him.

"You forgot?" He says adding pressure on your neck and his finger starting to go faster inside you "You forgot how much you love ? Tell me does this happen often ? Or did you wake up and decide to hurt my feelings today ?

He sees your cheeks go red and your breathing faster. He knows he has you were he wants you, but a part of him screams that you need to be punish.

"Should I cut the air your brain is getting and see if a little re start brings your intelligent self back?" He whispers over your lips as his grips turns harder and his finger faster.

Your foggy brain does register the danger and you are quick to say no, he urges you to continue talking.

"I was joking. I wanted to see your reaction if I did not say it back. Im sorry if I hurt your feelings" Tears forms, not from the pain but from the pleasure his finger is giving you, hitting that sweet spot inside you.

The Salesmab smirks at that. He kisses away your tears and gives you a sweet kiss as he lets go of your neck. At the same time he removes his finger form you sucking it clean keeping a intense eye contact as he does.

"Good girl, thats my lovely and intelligent wife" He says giving you another kiss, letting you prove yourself on his lips. But just as you were going to ask for permission he puts himself away from you.

"Keep the same clothes. Dont leave the house today and, you better wait for me on that needy state of you. If you touch yourself, I will know and Love you wont like what I will do, I promise you that"

He turns taking his briefcase back and looking at you over his shoulder.

"I love you my Love" He says once again starting to leave

"I love you too Dear, have a good day at work" You manage to say without suttering.

"Thanks Love, there is cream in the bathroom for your neck" He says before finally leaving the aparment.

Would he have choke you till you passed out ? Defenetly. Its a good thing you are a fast learner.

[sexbot300]

a/n: in light of recent events (im crying) heres a short drabble I made of getting your pussy ate by choso, written in under 30 minutes teehee.

choso kamo was certain about a lot of things. he was certain that his brothers liked specific foods, that specific days of the week offered the best coupon deals at the grocery store, that wool is a better fabric for sweaters than scratchy polyester and he was more than certain that being between your thighs was his own personal heaven.

well– at least that’s what he imagined to be certain of. countless and countless of times did you show up in his home, complaining about how no men nowadays “know” how to take care of a woman in bed. all he could do is furrow his eyebrows on the couch that you sit adjacent to him, wondering how in the hell men get the opportunity to get into bed with you and don’t worship every last second of it.

clearing his throat while turning to the tv, his muscular pale arms spanning out on the cushions of the couch behind you. wearing a black compression shirt that highlighted every rigid of his well-built body, gray sweatpants hanging loosely down on his sculpted v-line. “well, not all of them are. they’re just not me.”

sitting your body upright leaning slightly away from him as his face was still glued to the fluorescent-lit box. slightly scoffing, “oh really kamo?”

tilting his head to the side, leaning against his bulging bicep, his brown eyes bore into yours. whispering silently, “yeah. really.” his eyes wore an expression of tiredness, purple decorated his half-lidded eyes. it would be a crime not to give into him right then and there.

giggling while shaking your head, “fine choso.” you roll your eyes melodramatically. “bet you can make me cum in under 10 minut-“

his eyes still trailing every dramatic movement, he found himself enticed by every little expression made on your face. wherever you moved, his eyes followed in complete awe. cutting you off completely, “give me 5 minutes with my tongue.”

that’s where you found yourself withering on that very couch, legs overthrown on his broad shoulders. god knows where your panties were located and now your own self-respect. because the way this man was working his tongue up against your clit had you questioning why you haven’t done this sooner.

“a-ah! c-choso! too m’ch!” fingers gripped firmly on his hair that now fell loosely on his back, out of his usually buns framing his devastatingly handsome face. soaked with your sex, your slick coated from the tip of his nose to his entire chin. eyes even more half-lidded, they stared directly in your soul while his plush lips engulfed your clit. sucking harshly, eliciting lewd wet noises as he tongue would circle around the pearl in hungry motions.

“t-that’s fine.” he started, pussy drunk as his nose dipped against your clit that now detached from his tongue. his tongue now probed at the entrance of pussy never fully fucking his entire muscle into you, slowly taunted the hole that clenched at nothing. “better than not enough huh?”

dipping his head in even further, he brought a large hand up to your stomach, pressing down causing you to squirm. quickly shoving his nose deeper in your throbbing clit, his tongue fully penetrated your clenching hole. bobbing back and forth, fucking his tongue into you.

“c-cant cho!” squirming around your body convulsed as this man ruthlessly fucked his tongue into you, “no. you can… you will.” his words come out muffled, as he pushes himself out before lapping up and down your folds like a madman and then pushing his tongue back in to your sopping core.

this elicits a mean, mean cycle of choso constantly fucking you on his tongue, to straight up messily making out with your cunt, to using his mouth to engulf your clit as your own section toy. only leaving you with moans of; “oh choso!” “d-don’t stop, so fucking! mhpm! good! ah!” swirling his tongue against your bud, the penetration of two, thick, long fingers began to curve upright instantly hitting the sweet spot you needed. “y-you! uhhh! liar!” head hitting back the back of the couch, as eyes rolled back into your head. in a whiny pathetic whimper, “you saaaaah! said, only t-ah! tongue!”

“ch-cho! ah!” hooking one bicep under your thigh, the knot of release was the only thing clouding your judgement. “t-that’s…” suck! “it” lick! “just cum on my fingers and tongue…” moaning into your cunt, his eyes dazed as he ruthlessly pumps his fingers in and out while his mouth abuses your swollen clit. “don’t blame me that my fingers wanted to play with your cute little pussy.”

as your body sporadically twitches underneath him, clawing everywhere from the cushions underneath to his hair. he finds his free hand pinning both of your hands down, while his fingers scissor in and out, up and down. his body quickly adapting to how fast your moving, moaning like a whore. his whore.

“ah! no! CAN’T choso! this is it! ahhhhhh fu’kkkkk!”

“you can.” he maintained eye contact with you. his eyes almost black from the pupil dilation, this wasn’t your regular choso. this was the face of a man starved of pussy. his voice grew huskier while in the folds of your cunt, “and you will.” middle and ring finger start vehemently fucking into you, curving them upwards while he went up and down your contracting walls. only the lewd noises of your juices, moans, and choso’s fingers fucking you filled the room. within an instant, a slow gush of liquid starting squiring out of your pussy. taken you back by surprise.

“thereee we go. see? wasn’t so bad.. just let me take care of you from here on out, show you that I’m not just any man. I’m the only man you need.”

[klintoris]

Schlatt baby trapping reader ^_^

(Make schlatt the pregnant one -will @4n4tomy )

no.

“F-fuck” i stutter as schlatt puts me in a mating press, he so deep i can almost feel him in my stomach.

 “Goddammit toots’, pussy so good I'm gonna have to put a baby in it.” I whine at his words. “You'd like that, wouldn't you? Huh? You like the idea of you being swollen with my seed?”, “fuck, i cant, we cant schlatt” some how still coherent when hes pumping me full of his cock. “Awhh but you'd look so cute walking around with a belly full of my baby” teasing me as he speeds up his thrusts, his pubes hitting my clit just right. 

“Fuck im gonna cum so deep in you, shes taking me so good i cant-” he whimpers biting my shoulder, pushing my legs further into my chest.

 I feel so full from him I might consider letting him fill me, breeding me with his cum.

His thrusts became more erratic, hitting the special spot in my core.

 “Shit im so close” feeling his pubic bone grind against my clit even more at this deeper angle. 

“Only cum when I say so, want this tummy bulging with my cum..”, i mewl.

 “Fuck please we cant–” i was cut off by him pounding into my drooling hole, “you’ll fucking do what your told and take it, take it like a good fucking girl”. 

I stop breathing as it becomes too much, his thrusts become sloppy and deep as his hips stutter, “ok go ahead-” he says before i feel hot fluid deep in me, warming my insides.

I cum at just the feeling, moaning along with him as he slows down, foreheads against each other, sweaty. 

He pulls out his limp cock, his cum spilling out of my cunt.

“Fuck wait” i panic. 

“Sh sh sh, we’ll figure it out” he says before kissing my forehead and then watching his load leaking out of my hole..

----------

small but alriught!!!!!!! :3

[shanastoryteller]

Happy birthday Shana!!! I wish for a continuation of the Lady Mo story if you have any inspiration. Otherwise I would love any untamed promt!

a continuation of 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36

"Are you hurt?" Sizhui asks anxiously, jumping off his sword to tun towards Lady Xuanyu.

"Nah," she says, wincing as she stresses. "Well, nothing important."

"You're bleeding!" Jingyi shouts at a really unnecessary pitch. He unsheathes his sword and points it at Song Lan. "What did you do?"

"Stop that," she scolds, knocking his sword down. "Go get Xiao Xingchen and the girl. He's probably really confused right now."

Song Lan's expression clears and he bows to her before flying off.

His father jerks as if to go after him and Lady Xuanyu calls out, "Leave him be! He's doing what I said."

Lan Wangji hesitates, but nods and finally descends to join them. He towers over Lady Xuanyu, looking down at her with a fierce glare that makes Sizhui cringe even though it's not directed towards him. "What happened?"

"Found Xiao Xingchen, found Xue Yang, Song Lan killed him," she says, not even so much as lowering her eyes. "Xue Yang, not Xiao Xingchen, obviously. Wasn't this guy supposed to be killed during the war or something? It was a little before my time, so to speak."

"Song Lan is unharmed and you are not," his father says, lifting a hand to press it against the sluggishly bleeding wound in her shoulder.

Lady Xuanyu hisses at the contact but doesn't pull away. "He's a more experienced cultivator. Give me a couple hours and they'll be all closed up."

It used to take days for Lady Xuanyu's golden core to heal anything more complicated than a paper cut. She's strengthened it to the point that what would have been weeks of healing is reduced to just a day.

"He should have protected you," Sizhui says stubbornly. He'd rather she didn't have to heal at all. "Why did you run off with him anyway?"

"Had a hunch and figured I'd be back before you noticed," she says. Jingyi sputters. "Also, I don't need him to protect me, geez. He's a more experienced cultivator, but I still am one. I've gotten more hurt in training."

It's true, but Sizhui doesn't like that either. To harm ones body without cause is against the rules. Perhaps it's not entirely without cause, considering her rapid growth, but none of their teachers had ever beat them as badly as she demands the disciples beat her, and their cores had all turned out fine.

"What hunch did you have?" his father asks.

She winces and says, "Oh, you know, womanly intuition."

It's a lie and not even a very good one.

Lan Wangji's eyes narrow but they're interrupted by Song Lan returning with two people balanced precariously on his sword. Sizhui assumes the other man clad all in white must be Xiao Xingchen but doesn't know who the blind girl that looks to be about his age is.

"Xuanyu!" the girl calls out joyously, causing him to reevaluate his assessment of blind. She's being awfully familiar with his step mother. The girl leaps from the sword before it's fully on the ground and goes running towards them, shoulder pass Lan Wangji to body slam into Lady Xuanyu. "You're still alive, right? You said you would be!"

Lady Xuanyu laughs, closing her arms around the girl's shoulders. Her shoulder is bleeding again now that his father isn't keeping pressure on it. Cant the girl see that she's injured? "Yes, yes, I'm still alive. Excellent work keeping Xiao Xingchen out of the fray, A-Qing. I knew I could depend on you."

The girl - A-Qing, apparently - glows under the praise, beaming up at Lady Xuanyu, still with her arms around her waist.

What's her problem anyway?

[kaisturni]

have me (let me pt. 2) | m. sturniolo

→ matt x fem!reader

→ plot; you’ve been on your own for a while, not needing or wanting the company of anyone. what happens when you meet a guy late night on the beach, and everything about him draws you in?

→ includes; making out, smut with plot, fem!oral, orgasm

→ a/n; IM SO HAPPY TO BE BACK! i missed you guys ;). anyway i got horny writing this. as always, hope you love it as much as i do! ps everyone say thank you anon!

NOT PROOFREAD!

——————————————————————————

“want t… want to go to the back?”

i can feel my ears ringing at his words. my mouth is agape, gaze bouncing between his eyes and then ultimately landing on his lips.

that’s enough for me to nod vigorously at his suggestion, and we’re both scrambling to make our way to the smooth black leather that covers his back seats.

my knees are to my chest, watching him close the door of the back seat, matt’s gaze not leaving mine.

maybe this is a bad idea.

i shouldn’t be doing this.

i shouldn’t be in the backseat of his car.

my racing thoughts are cut off by the sound of matt’s voice filling the empty space between us,

“y/n… are you okay?”

i feel embarrassed, just how i did when he first caught me staring at the beach. but i cant help it, none of this moment feels real and i keep having to remind myself that it is. my cheeks feel hot. my body feels odd.

i want his touch.

“completely fine” i manage to make out, “come here,”

he gives me a crooked smile, our bodies moving in synch, i’m sliding beneath him, my nearly bare back against his cool leather seats, and he’s crawling on top of me.

i swallow at the feeling of my heart beating out of my chest, matt’s eyes piercing into mine, head dipping down to meet mine like a magnet.

his lips are just as soft as they were on the beach; but this kiss feels different.

it feels hungry, lustful, like he’s ready to pounce and devour me at any moment.

almost instinctively, my hands find a home in his hair, and the light moan that comes from his mouth as soon as i do is enough to drive me even crazier.

matt’s hands wander, grazing over my skin so delicately in comparison to how is mouth is on mine.

it takes me by surprise; his soft touch turns rough when he squeezes my breast, and i gasp against his mouth at the feeling.

he plunges his tongue into my mouth, and i don’t stop him. with the way he kisses me, it’s hard to ignore the unmistakable burning sensation in my core, and i fully aware i’m growing wetter by the second.

what is almost hard to notice, is the string of my bikini bottom being slowly tugged undone.

matt pulls back from me abruptly, a small trail of salvia connecting our mouths for a moment.

he looks like a god; lips puffy and slick from kissing me, parted and panting, hair just about covering his eyes, and half naked in front of me.

his head comes back down to my level, but not to meet my face again. instead he’s leaving gentle kisses and nipping at the inside of my thighs, and i bring no hesitation to spread my legs further for him.

“can i?” he asks, his hand playing with the other side of my bikini, still tied; not for long though.

“god— please”

matt’s face curves into a smile for just a moment, before resuming the task of sliding off my unlaced covering.

it takes seconds for me to become hyper aware of how naked i am in front of him, his eyes not leaving my pussy.

a shaky breath escapes my lips, and i try to close my legs, but matt is quick to spread and push them up to my chest.

“hm” he lets out, with a shake of his head.

i close my eyes in anticipation, unable to control the guttural moan that comes from my mouth at the feeling of him softy sucking on my clit.

i’m latching my hand on to the head of the passenger seat, feeling like my knuckles are about to split from how hard i’m gripping it.

matt’s pace doesn’t slow down, it only speeds up, humming against my pussy every time his actions are rewarded with a moan or whine.

i wonder how he’s so good.

almost too good.

how many women has he been with before? am i just another number? another hookup? is he someone that’s just going to walk away so easily?

my thoughts are again interrupted when i feel two fingers enter me; my breathing increasing as he pumps his fingers in and out, wet noises filling the hot air in the small space we occupy.

the knots in my stomach start to twist and form, an orgasm soon to follow,

no one has ever made me cum before.

“matt— mm, s-slow down, gonna cu-“

“no,” he huffs out, head still hung near my pussy, eyes low and drunk with lust,

“i want you to cum on my fingers,”

i nod vigorously, who am i to deny that?

the speed and curl of his fingers doesn’t waver, my head becoming fuzzy when i feel my release.

he keeps going through my high, and only stops when my moans become light pants.

i sit up to look at matt; his fingers are coated in my own juices, glistening in the moonlight that creeps into the windows.

“how was that?” he asks, and i let out a light laugh at his question, he didn’t seem like the kind of guy to need reassurance for his skills.

“amazing, like— wow,” i run a hand through my head, removing the hair that has been sticking to my forehead.

matt’s eyes are closed as he’s catching his own breath, a pang of guilt stinging my chest for a second when i look down and see his bulge pressing into his shorts.

gaining confidence knowing i caused his little situation just from pleasuring me, i should really return the favor.

“you know…” i start, sitting up, moving tuck my legs under me,

“i wanna make you feel good too, matt”

with that sentence, his eyes shoot open.

his breath hitches, lips parting when his gaze flickers down to my chest, words about to leave his mouth before we’re both startled by a buzzing ringtone coming from the front seats.

i for sure know not a soul is calling me, but for him i can’t stay the same.

“shit,” he curses, grabbing his phone that’s face down on the dashboard.

i do my best to be subtle about who’s calling him at this hour, and i see a contact picture of him and and identical guy next to him,

chris. must be one of his brothers.

he mumbles a fear swears before answering the phone,

“hello…? yeah, i was just at the beach… i was on my way home actually… yeah… i’ll be there soon… bye.”

the conversation is over as quickly as it started, and a frown grows on his face when he sets his phone down to look at me,

“do you have to go?”

it almost comes out shaky— i don’t want to leave this, leave him, be alone at my place without another warm body in my company.

again.

“yeah, chris and my other brother nick are tripping about where i am. how close do you live from here?”

i sigh, but quickly compose my frown with a smile.

“about 5 minutes, it’s a quick drive”

“perfect, i’ll uh… get in the front while you change”

his eyes run down my body a final time before just barely opening the car door, leaving space for him to exit but not completely expose me to the outside; as if anyone is around.

i swallow heavily, quickly tying up my bikini back onto my body while matt is in the front, the gentle purr of the engine starts as his fingers move quickly to text, i assume chris.

this is probably the best moment to put at least minimal clothes on, and i grab my shorts from the floor of the back seat, sliding them on right before i crawl back into the passenger side.

silence.

i hate this. the air feels almost awkward while matt puts his car in reverse, making our exit into the quiet streets.

oh god. was this a mistake? does he regret what we did? is he having some kind of after sex clarity? no. we didn’t even have sex.

couldn’t get that far.

୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ ˚୨୧

“you can turn left up here then right, and it’s that apartment complex right there” i point out, and he says nothing but delivers me a nod instead.

quickly enough, we’re at the front of my complex, and i silently grab my things, ready to open the door and bid this man of the night goodbye, when his voice finally sounds,

“can i walk you up?”

the blank expression on my face changes, and i can feel my lips curve into a smile,

“i’d like that, thank you”

“no problem,” he says, smiling as he takes my things from my hands, leaving just my keys in my lap.

i really dont want this to be over.

whether it’s a blessing or a curse, i only live on the second floor. my keys jingle in the lock of my front door before clicking open, and i see matt peek inside my apartment when i swing the door open.

“thank you, matt. this was- this was great.” i say, taking my things from him, resisting the urge to throw them aimlessly in the hallway of my home.

“it was great, and you know what?”

“you wish you could come inside?”

i wasn’t expecting to say it. i definitely was thinking it, but wasn’t sure if i was going to let that thought out.

i’ve been bold and unlike myself enough times tonight, so what’s one more thing added to the list?

i’m feeling spontaneous.

he lets out a laugh, slightly throwing his head back before looking at me and reaching a hand up to caress my face.

“that- for sure that- but, what i was going to say was, made out on the beach, you were naked in my car, i ate you out, and i don’t even have your number yet.”

my core begins to heat up again as he recounts the night, the pleasure i had experienced being absolutely unreal.

“well then you should have it, and then maybe you can come inside”

his smile grows bigger and bigger,

“hopefully that maybe turns into a ‘you should’, but put your number in my contacts,”

this time, i don’t really give a fuck about where my stuff goes at this point, i whip around and toss it, grabbing matt’s phone that he hands to me, a low laugh coming out of him,

i put in my contact, and hand it back to him,

“text me when you get home?”

“of course i will,”

his hand comes back to my face almost instinctively, and his other hand reaches to intertwine with mine.

i don’t want to wait for him to do it, so i do the honors of pressing my lips to his.

the kiss is soft and sweet, neither of us pulling apart.

remembering he has somewhere to be, i break it, but keeping my face close to his.

“i’ll see you soon, y/n”

“yes you will,”

and with that, he kisses the top of my head, starting to back away, letting our other hands stay linked until the very last moment, where he gives me a wave with the hand that just escaped mine.

i wave back, the linger of his touch still burning on my hand where it last was.

god i hope i see him again.

whenever that may be.

always with love, kaia <3

[witchlaughwoo]

paring; yeosang x fem!reader

warnings: yeo is a vampire but it isn’t stated, rough sex, biting, coming inside (don’t do it) minors dni!!!

a/n: hello!! i haven’t written anything in a long so i know this is rusty, rushed and all over the place so pls ignore 😭😭

there’s something off about your best friend.

it never was this way, not really. He used to be bright, his dark brown eyes so full of life whenever he talked about something he liked, the way he pouts whenever he got teased but didn’t try to defend himself. once dressed in bright sweaters now black skinny jeans and leather jackets.

you couldn’t help but think he looks good. too good.

what you didn’t expect is the position you’re in. you’re paid on your back, your shirt bunched up to the neck with your breast on display for the man above you. one his large hands had both of your wrists pinned above your head as the other held your jaw. with your cheek pressed against the pillow you felt yeosang’s lips make their path down your forehead, to your jaw until they stopped at your neck.

yeah this is definitely not your best friend.

“you smell so good,” yeosang groaned against your flesh, his teeth nibbling at a spot he found you the most responsive. “it’s so hard to control myself around you.”

“what-“ you moaned, your words being cut off as the man above you laid an opened mouth kiss to your neck, most likely leaving a mark. “what do you…”

the hand that was holding your jaw moved so now it’s on your left breast, giving it a harsh squeeze. you bit your lip to contain a loud squeak. yeosang paid your question so mind as he settled between your legs to slowly grind against your clothed wet core. the feeling of the rough material running against you and his lips on your neck makes you even more aroused.

“i have to have you now.” you didn’t realize he spoke until you felt a hand remove from your breast to your panties, sliding the fabric to the side. He quickly freed himself from his jeans and entered you in one thrust.

You moaned loudly, wanted to dig your hands into his shoulders but yeosang still has them pinned. How is he so strong?

Theres nothing gentle about this. He didnt give you any time to adjust to his large size. He slammed his hips against yours, surely to leave bruises. The pain of the sudden stretch quickly turned into pleasure, your legs wrapped around his hips as you take everything hes giving you.

Yeosang moves his head from your neck to put his forehead against his. The look in his eyes is something you cant explain. Hunger? Lust? Obsession?

Did i see red?

“You feel so good around my cock, baby,” he growled, biting his lip. “This pussy is so wet- fuck- and so tight. It’s like it was made for me.”

“Please…” You sound so pathetic. What are you begging for? For him to stop? To keep going? Youre not so sure. It just feels so good. “Yeosang…”

A smirk appeared on his face as he inched down so his lips are barely touching yours. “What is it, my love?” he says cunningly. “Am i making you feel good?”

You couldn't speak, all you could do is nod. he’s making you feel so good, the best you’ve ever felt. you clench around him and you swore a roar came from his throat. his cock fills you up in just the right places and you can feel your orgasm coming quickly.

“that’s it baby,” he grunts. speeding up his thrusts. “i can feel you. cum on my cock. i know you want to.”

as if it’s on command, you came with a moan of his name. not too long after, he came inside you, filling you up to the brim.

the last thing you heard was a small “i’m sorry” before something pierce the side of your neck and everything went black.

[knifevial]

Missed you

Summary: You finally see Remer after months of him being away

Doug Remer x gn!afab!Reader

NSFW MDNI

Second person (you/your/yours)

Kinktober days 1-5

Warnings: p in v sex, Dirty talk, against the wall, orgasm control, stockings, praise kink

Note: ART MADE BY @syliewylie HEHE !!!!!

It has been a few months since Remer had been home. Him, Coop and Squeak have been out for the game season and it’s been lonely with just you home, though Jenna did stop by sometimes so you didn’t feel so lonely. Today Remer and the boys come home from their winning game, and the whole time Remer had been texting you nasty things. Some of his texts would say

"I've missed u so much baby, i cant wait to fuck you raw."

"I've been so lonely, my hand can only do so much."

"Just thinking about u is already making me hard…okay coop's looking at me weird…gtg."

His dirty words just added fuel to the fire, even if it was just over text. You were sitting on the bed, squeezing your thigh's together to get some sort of relief, your underwear damp from your slick. Only 30 more minutes until Remer would be home, and it was killing you. You thought for a moment before looking down at your clothes, dressed in one of Remer’s shirts and he boxers. You decided to try and look your best, gettting together a cute, black lingerie set and some matching leggings. You thought you could use a quick shower, so you grabbed a towel and hurried to the bathroom. You hurriedly (and carefully) shaved your body of hair except your pubes, remer actually liked that, so you kept it. Once you got out of the shower, you blow dried your hair and started to get ready. You styled your hair even though it would get messy and frizzy anyways, then finally put on the cute lingerie that you bought while remer was away. You also put on a pair of black stockings that came with the set, pulling them up to your mid thigh. After a while, Remer and the boys came home.

Remer came into the room and you pulled him into a hug "Hey baby! I missed you!" Remer smiled and wrappped his arms around your waist "Hey sweetheart! I missed you too." He buried his face into the crook of your neck, inhaling your sent deeply. He mumbled against your skin "Did you take a show—" he lifted his head up and cut his sentence short as he looked at your dressed form "Fuck, you did all of this for me?" He chuckled softly, his hands running up and down your sides, then settling on your ass. "I just missed you and thought I should surprise you." You smiled and blushed as remer grinned "You look so hot—uh pretty—sexy—fuck." You couldn't help but chuckle as remer stumbled over his words, reaching up to cup his cheeks and kissing Remer’s nose "You’re so adorable." The curly haired man chuckled softly, gently squeeezing your ass "c'mon…" Your boyfriend gently brought you against the wall and gave your lips a a soft kiss. You returned it and wrapped your arms around remers neck, pulling him flush against your body.

Remer deepened the kiss and swiped his tongue across our bottom lip, asking for entrance. You gladly opened your mouth, letting your tongues mingle and dance together. He pressed your back against the wall and slowly brought one of his hands down to your thigh, lifting it up and holding it at his hip, letting your core feel how hard he already was. You gasped softly and rested your hips against your boyfriends, both of you softy moaning into each others mouths. Remer gently and slowly grinded against your hips, both of you softly whimpering "God, i need you so bad…" remer mumbled against your lips, bringing his hands and unclasping your top and letting it fall to the floor. He leaned down and started to play with one of your nipples with his teeth and tongue while his hand pinched and rolled with the other.

You moaned softly and arched your back into remers mouth and hand, your wetness soaking through your panties. You could feel how hard remer was, both of you have been waiting weeks for this. Remer quickly took off his jersey, undershirt and shorts. He made quick work to take off your underwear and his own. The tall man quickly turned you around so your back was facing him. He teased your entrance with the tip of his cock, making you squirm in anticipation. Remer bent you down slightly and leaned into your ear, whispering "I've been waiting for this forever." He started to slowly slide into you, letting you adjust to his length. You both whimpered softly as you felt each others sex around one another. The curly haired man started to slowly slide in ad out of you, with remer letting out a soft, pathetic whimper. Remer started to go faster as you both started to pant heavily, both of you already embarrassingly close to the edge. You whined "God, Remer, such a good boy for me…" Remer whined at the praise and started to go faster, but then quickly stopped. The suddenness made you gasp slightly "W—why did you stop?" He chuckled softly "Trust me babe, I want to cum just as much as you do, but I want this to last a little longer." He started to slowly move again "God you feel so fucking good…my good little thing aren't you? Did all of this just for me…" you nodded ad whimpered "Anything for you…please, I wanna cum…" remer softly chuckled "Not yet…just a little bit longer..you think you can do that for me?" You let out a shaky breath and nodded "Good…very good baby."

Remer kept up the slow pace as you tried to hold back your orgasm. Then, without warning, he started to slam into you. You moaned loudly, with your boyfriend reaching down and rubbing your clit in time with his thrust. You couldn't hold back anymore as your orgasm crashed over you, your back arching as your walls clamped around remers cock. Remer let out a pathetic whine before filling you up with his seed. He started to slow down, eventually coming to a stop as you both parted heavily. He gently slid out of you and turned you back around "Thank you so much for that, babe." You smiled and chuckled softly "You’re welcome." You both slowly walked over to the bed and laid down, cuddling up next to each other. Remer ran his fingers through your hair and mumbled "You’re so beautiful." You blushed and smiled, burying your face into the crook of his neck and kissing it softly "Maybe we'll have time for another round?" You chuckled and slapped his arm playfully "ouch! Okay sorry!"

[sephrotting]

I may have just understood why I have an avoidant attachment. And it took me so LONG.

I’ve BEEN trying to figure it out for the longest time but somehow there’s nothing online that explains the psychology of it well???? Like nothing at all??????

Cut leads to me rambling abt what i know abt attachment styles

Secure attachment

I love you. If you leave me i will be reasonably sad for a while but i will move on. I’m not insecure and in fact can hold up pretty well.

Anxious attachment

I love you and i will crumble if you leave me.

Ill never feel quite sure that you’re going to stay, ive been rejected before and it HURT so i cant find security in you telling me youre staying for me.

Im insecure and subconsciously, ive been made to think that im not worth being in a relationship with.

so I’ll make sure that you still love me in very insecure (or sometimes controlling) ways. I feel everything so deeply and i just want to feel reassured.

Avoidant attachment

i love you and but i expect everyone who loves me to reject me and i am deeply insecure.

So ill turn off my feelings for you so it won’t hurt when you leave me. (Paradox is they will leave BECAUSE of this)

+ the more i love you the more i know its going to hurt once you leave. So usually i turn off my feelings when we are in a good place.

Often times i turn off my feelings in response to something without intending to and it confuses me. It takes me long to figure out how to reverse that.

Fearful avoidant attachment

I love you and we are in such a good place right now. But i’m incredibly insecure so im scared ill somehow mess up what we have by talking and being myself.

So i just avoid talking to you because everytime i do i have an anxiety spike bc of that very reason. I turn off my feelings less often than Dismissive.

Dismissive avoidant attachment

I love you and but I’ve been taught my love and i in general are something undesirable, weak, disgusting.

which shaped how I view love (the exact same).

I project that onto myself and everyone else. That’s why i get the ‘ick’ and why affection disgusts me.

Just like avoidant, i’m trying to protect a wound that’s still hurting. Except instead of just avoiding you, im also mean because any affection feels like you’re trying to invade the bubble of protection i created. And i want you to keep out. Because for me vulnerability genuinely makes me feel weak and scared and that i have no control over what happens next. Will you hurt me again? I can’t stop you after i put my walls down.

For all attachments, this is of course all happening in their subconscious thoughts. There are so many things they want to say at once and explain, but don’t understand it any better than you do.

(+ everything i see online about avoidant attachment are people complaining about their partners who have it, and not how to heal it. So that leaves me to figure this out on my own)

Dayum this made me realize they all have the same core fear/ insecurity:

“i’m not enough. Someone made me feel I’m not worth loving or being in a relationship with somehow someway.”

“I desperately need to prevent getting rejected or it will HURT. However i prevent it varies.”

Anyway i dont study psychology. It’s just what fascinates me in my free time. Anyway my blog is my house and i’m arranging the furniture however i want.

[vulturereyy]

Outer wilds nation I hit a certain point last night and the Nomai brainrot has kicked in. Please no spoilers still even if I'll get my lore wrong here, but everyone say hello to Fig :)

Copy pasting my discord ramblings under the cut. Outer Wilds spoilers are a given.

because i cant not project on characters: what if Fig is dyscalculic/dyslexic imagine being in such a writing and precise numbers based society but everything blends together for you

I think she may have been among the first generation born on ember twin. Like her poor parents were already pretty much ready to have her when they had to hop in the escape pods and such, so she was born very shortly after the crash by a few months. And i say that this is important because i think the nomai would have been a very accessible race imo, Solanum didn't even think twice about offering alternate communication methods. But the fact that Fig was born while they were rebuilding their society meant that she likely didn't have the same resources at the time/there were a lot of other stressors to focus on Perhaps Fig is even partially the reason why alternate communication methods sort of come around, at least in the society on ember twin, though that's headcanon territory

Anyway, she grew up not really doing… the best. No one could understand why she wasn't grasping very basic reading and numbers milestones, she was getting angry and feeling stupid because she wasn't getting them, it was a whole thing. She could speak into logs and record them, but when it came to reading them back, she struggled even with her own words. (for a while she was able to practice and memorize what she was going to say, but they learned that's what she was doing when they secretly swapped out the log and she confidently recited her own words instead)

And she kind of slipped through the cracks with the whole 'literally needing to rebuild our society' thing. By the time the high energy lab was starting up, she was an embittered teen, and kind of relegated to the black sheep of the clan. Not quite outcast, but it was very clear to her how different she was to everyone else. She fetched water, she tended crops, she swept out sand, but no one ever invited her to the forums or the lectures or the scientific meetups that are so pivitol to their culture.

Maybe Hickory, one of the older scientists at the new lab, was a friend to Fig's parents. And they kind of begged her to take Fig in, even if it just meant having her sweep the floors free of sand, because it would give her something to do that wasn't putting cactus spikes on people's seats.

And so Hickory did. And Fig was Very Mad about her new job. She hated science. She hated numbers. Why is she in a lab. Is this some kind of a joke? Putting the one Nomai that can't do research on shit in the lab as a cleaner. fuck off about that

But then Fig got to see Hickory testing out the new warp cores. And feel the miniature black hole's gravity tug at her and make her fur stand on end even as she was across the room. She watched Hickory take her notes. She watched her toss something into it, take more notes. The entire lab is thrumming with the force of the power needed for this experiment. Hickory looks over her shoulder. She's noticed the sound of sweeping has stopped. Fig tries to scowl and go back to doing her job as if she never stopped, but then Hickory says, "We only have a few more minutes before I have to return the power to the city. Would you like to see before I do?"

And Fig can't help herself. She tries to play it off but yes she really wants to see. She clip clops herself over to Hickory cautiously and peers into the testing chamber. The Black Hole is like a void, staring back into her. She doesn't know what to feel about it. It's the gravity that makes her shiver, she thinks. Hickory is trying very hard not to smile as she calmly explains what she's testing. The lab is supposed to be getting a white hole core soon, she explains. The black hole connects to the white, an input and an output. She's trying to see if she can still get readings off of the sensors she's sending into the miniature black hole while it does't have an endpoint yet.

Fig asks if Hickory thinks that when they open up the white hole from the core, everything Hickory threw in is gonna come spewing out at once, like a backed up pipe. Hickory's brows go up. She looks back to the black hole, considering, and writes something down. She tells Fig she thinks that's an excellent question.

Fig throws her broom into the black hole. Hickory doesn't stop her. More importantly, she doesn't scold her.

Because she just confirmed this ragamuffin little nomai still has her spark of curiosity :) She lets Fig be the one to reroute the power back to the city. It's just a simple crystal ball switch, but it feels very powerful to do.

Hickory becomes the one to give Fig the patience and culturally unorthodox teaching that she needs. It's a combination of Hickory's personality, but also the fact that the clan is settled now -- they are now out of survival mode and imminent death, and able to… relax, mentally, a lot more. And Hickory, through a few arguments that eventually turn more into very vulnerable conversations, finally learns that Fig struggles with their script and the numbers and letters all jumble together.

She carves stones together, and pictures, and symbols at first, so they make their own 'script' together that is pictography in nature. Fig starts taking her notes in it.

Eventually this would evolve into her own form of script, but there were a lot of baby steps involved before that point. And Fig, instead of being just the lab cleaner, very readily becomes Hickory's star apprentice on black hole theory and warp technology. She hopes one day she can even be a shuttle pilot, or operate the white hole station herself i think it would be neat if in game on ember twin you'd find those pictograph scripts and the translator can't pick them up. but then in the high energy lab in a side room that's more like a study you could find a notice from hickory on fig's picto-script, and the key for deciphering it (and also a notice, purposefully written close together so fig won't parse it, saying that if anyone has a problem with fig's script they can take it up with hickory personally) (a little thread underneath this from someone else suggests that their questions on its scientific integrity was met with the most scathing dressing down theyve ever had in their life)

So from then on you are able to translate her scripts and find her little notes everywhere :) she may even 'help' lead you to shortcuts, because she explored alot of ember twin in her youth when she wasn't doing anything else, so she went back and marked all her hidey holes and shortcuts Design wise, she has a black and white hole tattood on the back of her hands. One, because she thinks they are fucking cool, and two because it helps her distinguish her right from her left

[undomesticated-animal]

Having dark and dirty thoughts so they're going under the cut

How do you have a conversation with someone about things you know they are scared to admit to? This is something I keep thinking about in so many contexts but right now.....

I have a date. Eventually. In this date, I want to have a conversation. And stage set for another one. Or maybe just have it. We'll see.

I feel. So ungodly steady these days. It's nice. It's scary. It's exhausting and overwhelming and everything in the world to me. It's a lot of things, not just one place in my life. I am trying to make sure that stays true.

So I need to give before I can ask someone to give back yeah?

How do you tell someone that the reason you like being choked in bed is because sometimes people accidentally do it hard enough that your throat is bruised, your voice raw for days after, and during you start to lose consciousness. Not the sickening lurch of your syncope episode but a tidal wave of stillness, of softening at the edges of everything, of my world narrowing to the pleasure in their expressions, in their desperate moans, as they slowly strangle me. How do you tell someone that the best orgasm you ever had was on the edge of a blackout while your top, so lost in the ecstasy of fucking you, didn't notice until too late that you had stopped making sounds. How do you tell them that even recalling the memory, writing it down like this, makes your cunt pulse and twitch and drip down your thighs.

Because shame does funny things to people. I've heard people refer to things like spanking as "dark" or "scary", and while I believe people when they assert they have darker kinks, I am deeply aware that on that spectrum there are places people will RARELY follow, even when they understand the same in their own life.

The question for You:

When you say that you have darker kinks, and that you are afraid of being rejected for them, what do you mean? Specifically, what are you into? Can you trust me enough to tell me, knowing that even if I can't indulge you, I still want to know? Is there anything you need for that to feel comfortable/tolerable?

The question for me:

What do I need in order to tell you openly what I'm into? I want this to be an exchange, so what can I safely offer you? My desires frighten me as much as they frighten those I tell, and yet I want them still. Can you stay with me in my fear without taking ownership of it?

Sometimes I dream of being hung by the neck, barely keeping the pressure off my standing on my toes. Bartering the sensations my body can receive and provide for brief gasps of easier air between beatings and free use. I imagine bouncing on someone's cock or strap, enthusiastically choking myself with the noose so I can be a tighter, wetter fuck, so I can take them as deeply as my body will allow. When I do, I feel this hollow ache in the core of me, a twitch in my hip that cants me forward like making myself readily fuckable will make it more likely to become real. As if I can fantasize my way out of the empty feeling in my cunt that makes me feral.

I am mad for the phrase, "You breathe when I'm done." Not a threat, a promise. A promise that you will fill my mouth and throat again and again, using it to pleasure yourself without regard for what it does to me, good, bad, or neutral. That nothing, not my hands, my tears, my gag reflex, or even my lack of consciousness will make you stop before you're satisfied. I breathe when you're done. If I want that to be sooner than later, I should do something about it shouldn't I? Not that you plan to make it easy on me. It reliably brings me to the edge of an orgasm, every time.

I like pain. And I need that pain more than I can allow myself to receive it. I flee in panic from the very sensations I desire most. Oddly, or perhaps not, pain is easier to let myself luxuriate in. Pleasure though. Much to analyze about someone who tries to pull away from pleasure the second it starts to get really good. More to analyze about how I desire myself to be overpowered, restrained, and forced to experience sensations without the ability to make them end under my own power. Forcing me to experience bliss.

What do you offer someone to assure them that you will not judge them so that you can assure yourself they will not judge you? How does the stalemate get broken?

I am bold. This is true in ways helpful and troublesome. But I am also fearful of rejection at times I rarely fully control. Can I initiate this? I hope so. I fear so.

[coldcrypt]

I'm marco, 26yo cis guy from UK. I got into weight loss because I wanted motivation to stop drinking around april 2022, and ended up bingeing and purging on avg 3 times a week for abt 6 months. I relapsed back into daily drinking (litre+ of vodka a day) and detoxed in hospital at the start of the year, but have been finding it really difficult to stop and stay stopped, so I'm back here. I've nearly died so many times recently from drinking and I just keep gaining/getting more and more swelling &bloating. If any alcoholics/bulimics have advice for someone who cant stop shovelling it in to get a sustainable deficit, I'd appreciate it a lot. My goal is to be safe about it, but I'm open to anything that works.

I'm experimenting with different methods of weight loss, sometimes fasting, sometimes rezzing, but am very inconsistent. I binge v often. This is not so much an accountability blog, more like recording what I've learnt and just venting. My bmi starting around may20th was 22 ish, was 5th june 20, 4th oct 22.5,and now 20.5 jan27th. Have to get it back to 20, but goal would be 18 with low body fat %. My main goal is to stop drinking and get healthier (thinner).

To do list:

get compression sleeves for running

Things that worked:

going to meetings make it much easier to abstain and think abt other things than food -> much easier rezzing

being distracted by things unrelated to food

having good food options for rezzing prepped, like boiled eggs, or having a solid stock of staples like steak, yoghurt, fruit and veg

not buying food that I will binge on, if I buy it, even if its not for me, I will eat it and get fat

taking longer routes/walking instead of getting train (energy, weather and mood permitting)

peppermint tea

keep it in the day. One day at a time really works, it just takes practise to get into mentally

supporting blood sugar throughout the day, especially if going out/socialising/towards the end of the day (when alc cravings pick up). This is best done with small amounts of carbs following a rly high protein 1st meal

Things that I was doing before but that didn't work out well:

taking K supplements (just eat s. potato for carb allowance, is filling too and has loads of K, stops palpitations when intermittent fasting)

pho, miso or gochujang as soup bases. They are too salty and lead to painful sluggish bloat.

Oyster sauce is not worth the cals

Diet sodas. Caffeine dependence builds really quickly and teeth need help

olive oil for sautéing vegetables. Pointless cals. Fats can come from lean meats like beef steak, eggs and occasional avo as well as omega3 supplements

fasting. At 18 hours I feel like I'm goin mental and at 22+ the palpitations make it uncomfortable to move around or do anything at all

strength training (esp core) at home without equipment. Dont enjoy it at all, not motivated at all

watching hours and hours a day of ED documentaries, scrolling ED tumblr, and watching hours of foodtube every day. Obsession -> binges

hard avoiding carbs. Leads to massive brain rot and feeling morbid. Can't do anything. Inevitable binges, usually alcohol, or 4000 cal of food.

sushi is not really worth it. White sushi rice is too sugary. Its usually a carb craving in disguise, or something to get on the go and is expensive.

weighing every morning just lead to trying to use caffeine as lax and more chaos on energy levels, or obsessing and not being distracted.

Press ups make my joints click a lot. Planking is really boring and doesnt feel rewarding.

Using sex for stim instead of food and cooking

Curious about:

feta, olives and cherry tomatoes for satiety.

Broccoli and mushrooms (annoying to prep or dont taste nice when boiled)

chicken sausages for cheap lean protein (think they can be a binge trigger or lead to mental scarcity feelings but not sure if worth)

ways to make cottage cheese not taste shit (cocoa powder is not cutting it)

cardio > strength training maybe. Runner's high > nothing from strength training (that I ever felt anyway).

Finding a way to enjoy strength training

yoga and stretching for stim

skipping breakfast has really mixed vibes. Can feel completely awful, but can also make rezzing much easier. Can also lead to binges in the evening (because there's unspent cals in the budget). Probably best to stick to eating breakfast but keeping it high protein and not eating right away when waking up.

Experiment with meds timings.

minced turkey or discount fish for lean protein variety

ways to make eating salad not miserable, cos it does work rly well for getting a deficit. (Maybe herbs and lemon and chickpeas? Make in bulk? Quinoa? Binge risk)

_____________

New plan from 4th Oct '23 can't be strict bc cant track exercise cals without a phone for looking at time spent walking and running so will need to do a gross-in instead of net- in quick basic (aspirational) plan:

1000 cal deficit/day for the next month -> 1500 gross in/day allowance

NO: baked beans, bone broth, oil, paté, pasta, alcohol, caffeine, quiche, cheese, instant snack food, pesto, chorizo, hummus, meal deal foods reason: too sugary or fatty for their worth in flavour. Cause binges every time when rezzing. Not filling enough. Caffeine leads to crashes and the pickmeup is usually food.

LESS: bread, onion, ketchup reason: can be useful carbs in a pinch, less likely to cause binges than above (because they are only accompanied with protein). Onion and ketchup help with mental scarcity and support good vibes

MORE: fruit, veg soup, sweet potato, tuna, s. noodles, fruit juice, avocado, egg, steak, quorn, butternut squash reason: sugar cravings need to be comboed with fibre addition, or fruit juice could be useful diluted for emergency alc cravings. Everything else is lean protein and should be frontloaded in the day. Sweet potato is there for potassium and low glycaemic index carbs. Avo and s. noodles are contentious bc of price and fat/nutritional value reasons

ALTERNATIVES TO EATING: gaming, reading, weighing, cleaning, brushing teeth, counting cals, weights, stretching, running, walking, meetings. mostly overeat because of boredom and to break monotony in free time or to stim. These are alternatives that work and also make rezzing easier in other ways.

[lunar-lair]

idk exactly how to explain it but. just. 4 UR ENTERTAINMENT by chandler leighton is such a rise leo song. the thing in general is just so...im tired of who ive become. it feels like leo staring at the person hes become after the kraang and sighing softly, so, so tired. it feels like something hed sing at karaoke and reveal the him a couple layers deeper than he usually lets people see. every time i hear it i see him singing it with this wry smile, humming it under his breath in the kitchen, listening to it on loop after he first hears it and thinking too hard about it. its the name of one of my leo playlists that are more like 'leo would so make this', theres one called 'im so sick of my own shit'. here let me grab lyrics just to prove it to you (under the cut bc this got kind of long lmao)

this is just so. like. ofc insomniac leo but as for the the last two lines in the first verse. like i feel insane every time i hear this song and think of leo bc ive completely changed its meaning but it still feels so right to me?? just leo wishing he could be more boring, that this performance hes putting on could lose its steam. thats how the pre chorus applies, too, this song to me in a leo context is just about leo being tired of the act hes put on. tired of being there for the kicks and giggles, tired of having to pretend he doesnt care so people dont worry about him for being worried about them, this 4D chess game hes playing with his family to be who hes always been. ok moving on though theres more

this part is just so . ough. i hate the way everyone loves it. i can see leo stepping back with a rue smile as he sings it DO YOU SEE MY VISION. forget my own name can totally be metaphor'd into forgetting who he is too ok. and its like, when did i become this? when i did become someone so me yet not? YOU KNOW

NOBODY KNOWS HOW BADLY I WANNA GO HOME . GIRL. the lair the trauma after the kraang the person hes become CMON!!! they say that im built different. and now im just an actress, trying to keep up with the habits, trying to keep up with the joking act hes put up. DO YOU UNDERSTAND. DO YOU SEE MY VIISON!!!! this is bad for him he just wants to stop being what hes become hes backed himself into this corner. TRUST ME IT MAKES SENSE. ill have to make another post on my 'leo is leo but hes definitely putting up an act and the person he is has been suffocated' beliefs. or like. multiple that coalesce into the same idea i have so many leo ideas .

THIS LINE THIS FUCKGIHGLFANLDFJSGLKFJ LINE . god its the core of this. hes so so tired. but he cant change what hes become now because his family will worry. gotta give the people what they want. i cant turn it off, i cant calm down, i cant worry, i cant turn off the jokes and the humor, i have to be the levity. DO YOUS EE-

this part makes me nearly explode every time i hear this fucking song. take my face off just to put it back on, masks over masks, a brief reprieve before he has to keep acting like him but not-quite-him. no one really knows me, there are parts of leo hes hidden, there are parts of leo he doesnt let his family see, there are parts of him that will worry them that will make them see him as different that theyll tease. no one knows him, he just has to keep this up, find comfort in the box hes backed himself up into. god, if this is the show, then wheres all the applause. i cant even explain why that and the last line fit leo i just. why arent you clapping, god, ive done so much to make this perfect. i know its wrong, the ways ive molded myself, but here i am. YOU KNOW.

anyways this was my psa that 4 ur entertainment is a peak leo song. its been haunting me for over a month and its always been very leo to me plus it honestly slaps pretty hard so im glad to finally share it properly!! with the leo analysis and all, lmao

[alternating-b-w]

a lot of people nowadays, when consuming media, do not have the ability to adjust their mindset and expectations on what should happen to the actual events of the story. people expect found family partially because they lack emotional immaturity or life experience.

i don't want to sound like a snob, but the popular fiction landscape is currently dominated by fanfiction or wannabe fanfiction- genre fiction that labels itself with ao3 tropes. you know the sort: cozy fiction, brandon sanderson type stuff, or honestly? if i see an anime genre in a native english language novel, like magical girls or mecha, i run. they are best suited to visual media for a reason. this is my personal opinion, so don't jump me for this, but these works don't tend to deal with emotional matters in a complex, subtle matter. when there is a romance story, you get a character who says "i hate this guy, he's kind of cute- i mean a BITCH." when someone suffers, their response is measured or defined in what angst trope do they respond with. they are cut and paste characters designed for emotional gratification, behaving relatively similar across the board regardless of how someone about the same age, gender and in the circumstances as those characters would behave. i could further go on about how how this in part stems from not really examining the culture and mannerisms of the opposite sex (and yes, i used the word sex, because it's important to analyse gendered socialisation when understanding how someone relates to their gender in present, cis or trans) to oneself when writing, but i digress. my main point is that the anime community tends to be bedfellows with those sorts of literature fans.

meanwhile, golden kamuy doesn't really have stock characters, aside from maybe shiraishi.

for example, sugimoto's a wanderer with ptsd, but there's no mystique or affected melancholy to his trauma, i.e. no real whump-bait. a less thoughtful writer would stop the brakes on the story midway to kick in the ye olde 1900s japanese therapy-speak and have him solve his issues that way, or have him cry and open up about his trauma regardless of him not being the sort of person to do that.

likewise, tsurumi's a manipulator, but he isn't a mustache twirler or a ragyo kiryuin clone- he's eccentric, charming and makes his men feel they owe him without him ever holding it over them. the actions he takes in the story create a logical conclusion of his men being loyal to him. a lesser author would have created a character who is a manipulator because they said so, even if in real life the character's men would all actually scared of him or would probably be offput by him trying to overstep their boundaries.

then, there are the characters who are 'useless', but are still present such as kadokura, kirawus, or vasily. we understand their emotional states, but equally that the main cast dont want or need to be their best friends; this making everyone feel real because it shows where the main casts priorities lie! kado and kira were certainly aware theyre werent pulling their weight compared to anji or ushiyama, but they didnt really give a fuck because kadokura had already did hijikata a massive solid with the prison break-in. meanwhile, vasily can't even speak japanese and followed sugimoto's group for the sole purpose of jumping ogata. he wasn't there to make friends and the story's not, at its core, about making friends, so why on earth would vasily end up being friends with sugimoto? gk respects every single character's agency and motivations more than making the reader feel warm and fuzzy.

however, when one doesnt think critically about characters and how their circumstances should impact them, it's easy for one to default to the mental comfort zone: tropes. likewise, when one doesn't spend much time in a highly competitive environment like the events of gk, they cant quite comprehend the fragile nature of the relationships made in those circumstances. so, to maximize emotional gratification, a somewhat friendly group now becomes a found family.

now the ogata issue starts when when the reality peeks through- ie, that every character bar asirpa has tried to kill each other at some point, the classic fanon 'fuck canon i do what i want' mindset kicks in. here's the thing- ogata is one of the only characters to which you really can't 'fuck canon' your way out of. even usami's quirky enough that you can easily box him in as the yandere sort, but ogata killed his mom, dad and brother over deep-seated daddy issues. it is very hard to defang the character into making him have the found-family appeal, especially as the story progressed and he went from weird quiet guy with sad backstory (which is still workable) to telling asirpa "do it pussy you won't." there is no way to turn ogata as we know him into an archetype fit for emotional gratification without removing a lot of what makes ogata ogata, as he would rather kill himself than show emotional vulnerability or change his mindset, so he becomes the odd one out when talking about the different groups in gk. thats what i think.

I mean... I am a person without a lot of attachments. I don't have a lot of trust in people, and I generally view people as simply everybody on their own path.

So then when I read other people's interpretations of gk, I'm often confused because I don't really understand where they're coming from.

For example, the idea of loyalty seem to be really important to a lot of other fans. Ogata is interpreted by almost everyone as a untrustworthy, with no loyalties.

But I don't understand why anyone in this story needs to have loyalties or why loyalty is even a good thing.

Everybody has completely different motivations and wants.

Tsurumi wants to split off a piece of the military, and use it to regain territory in Russia Where his wife and child are buried.

Hijikata says that he is looking to revive the Republic of Ezo, but actually he doesn't have the resources, or the time to do that so really he's looking for one last great battle and to die under that banner rather than to set up and new independent political entity.

Shiraishi has no real goals and just likes his friends and would love to get some money out of it. He later takes on Boutarou's goal.

Ogata has no real concrete achievable goal and is looking for an abstract sense of worth.

Sugimoto also has no real concrete goal and is using the gold hunt to avoid confronting the fact that he really has no place to return to. He says he has to get the money before he returns to ume, but this is just a prerequisite he set for himself, to delay returning. Ume isn't waiting for him, has no idea that he's out trying to get the money for her, and doesn't even know if he's alive. Despite all of the importance that he places on returning to her, he is a non-entity in her life, in the same way that Ogata is a non-entity in his father's life. The similarities and differences between Ogata and sugimoto is best left for another post.

Asirpa...... is a 12-year-old girl and is still trying to make sense of the world.

Many of the soldiers don't have any goals of their their own other than following orders or impressing their commander. People like Inenaga, ushiyama don't really have any aspirations for the gold. They just seem to be along for the ride since they have map tattoos.

My point is....

These are all clearly people with individual and completely different goals, to which the gold is just a means to an end. So I don't understand why loyalty is considered important, in fact I don't understand why it's a thing at all.

So given that ..... I don't understand why Ogata is considered a disloyal betrayer....

When I read comments by other readers, it really feels like there's an expectation that these groups be a found family of sorts. A place of trust and loyalty where people support and mentor each other and it makes no sense to me.

Like that's something you expect from the military. Members of the military are supposed to be brothers in against a common enemy led by a father figure and it is explicitly pointed out that this is not the case.

People bully each other, sometimes severely. The father figure is self-interested and the only sees his men as pawns. There are shifting loyalties and factions with their own goals in the same unit. The military is not a family substitute. Gold hunt groups are not a family substitute. Even family do not present the kind of loyal loving support that people seem to expect.

So I just..... I straight up have no understanding of why Ogata is considered to be a betrayer, because I don't understand how loyalty is a thing here. I mean to me, the very concept of loyalty in this story seems to be a lie used to manipulate people seeking identity and belonging, and have them be willing to die for the group.

When I look around on forums and discussions it seems like most people do not share this interpretation. People interpret media and events is through the lens of their own experiences. And I actually keep wondering if I'm missing something huge. Like if other people interpret loyalty in a totally different more meaningful way, what are their experiences that support this belief?

Just Curious

TLDR: this is not a story about found family as much as you want it to be. Instead it's about each person finding a place for themselves....not everyone is looking for a family.

Edit: I guess this is sort of meta. The reason I have this interpretation because I have a long history of working for corporations, and despite the found family culture that they try to create and all the team building exercises, people are constantly gunning for each other, trying to get people fired, taking credit for other people's work, making people look bad in front of management to elevate their own status, trying to jump ship and go to other companies in the same industry with proprietary knowledge... so my take on this whole story is that..."this is simply how people operate."

Like I've been on team building exercises with the company where everybody an outdooring trip and bonds over canoeing, and then immediately the next day people get back to trying to get each other fired.

That's just how people are. People form connections over all sorts of things, but that doesn't mean that they aren't out for themselves or that the connection will always exist, or that the connection is deep or that the person is loyal to you.

[squeet-smooch]

Idont fucking know how much longer i can go without cutting I'm so serious. I want to rip my wrists open. So fucking bad.

And for the first time in a while i feel like i deserve it as a way to punish myself. I fucking suck. I don't respect boundaries or communicate well enough. Im not fucking okay and I'll never be good enough for anyone.

Just waiting for him to get tired of me and end this. And all my peace. Comfort. Take away this love and light. I'm never meant to have it for long, a constant rule in my life is "this WILL leave you. Embrace it while it lasts" and its. Never been wrong really. Everyone goes, at least in some way. Best case scenario (because i can't imagine it actually does last and end up okay, i really can't believe im not going to ruin it) is he breaks up with me and we live independently together. Maybe even for a while and then he makes me go get a different place. God I'm going to end up killing myself. I can't fucking take this. I don't want to die but what if this was just the last set of proof that there's nothing for me, and no one.

Because I can't keep from hurting anyone. Because I can't protect the ones i care about the most because the inherent act of loving or showing them affection is the exact thing that rips them apart a d makes them see what a monster i am.

I am not gentle enough. I am not tender or caring enough. I love so bigly and deeply that it rots me to my core and destroys me. It destroys the ones i fucking care about. I hate myself and i hate what i do.

I hate literally. My entire being and i just wish he'd punish me as i deserve. How could you see the burning edges of your affection for me turning into hate and then still hold me as if it's undying? I wish you would hurt me. I wish you'd make me cry until i cant anymore, until it's overwhelmed me and surpassed everything, until I've stopped trembling and stopped looking up at you unless you need me to speak, I don't speak without permission.

It's how it always goes. It fucking fades. It fucking goes away. I want to die. I can't lose this again, the person i wanted to be the last one. I don't know what im going to do if i lose you. I really don't know where to go or what to do. Im alone in a big empty space and I don't want to go back to the prairie. I dont want to be in that bigger empty place, it's too much. Fuck i just wish i could punish myself . I wish i could be better. I wish i could tell you how afraid i am and sick and in pain but it's all my fault, how dare i seek sympathy or comfort. I've been figuring out how to do better about it, stop asking for things. Eat less. Take up less space. Be less disgusting. Fuck i hate myself