#stop being emo me old chum | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

canadilf · 8 years ago

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okay, so here’s a story about one of most random nights i had in university.

so one saturday night i planned to go out with a friend of mine named sam. i think we were planning on hitting up this house party some girls from his program invited him to. so early that evening i made my way across campus to sam’s apartment (which was down the road from me) with a 26 of whiskey in hand. for some reason A LOT of people went home that weekend i don’t know why, literally there was no one in his entire apartment building. so with little to do we just chilled, played video games, and only started to drink later around like 10pm. since it was so late we decided not to go to the party and hit up the campus bar/club. and this is where things start getting interesting. so earlier that day when purchasing alcohol i came across this caramel whiskey, it looked enticing since i had become accustomed to drinking whiskey straight for the past year. so this caramel whiskey was DAMN DELICIOUS, and i finished the entire bottle in under two hours (uh-oh alert). like i didn’t feel that bad since in university i tended to just get as fucked up as i possibly could all the time, so it was normal for me.

so we get into the club at around midnight and do our thing, meeting people, doing dumb shit on the dance-floor and talking to random girls (which is pretty much yelling in their ear over really loud music). so as time passed i began to get more and more drunk slurring words and stumbling, so i decided that i should go. so i got my coat and left on my own accord. but the thing you should know about our university is that the club is on the fourth floor the main building on campus. so to get down there are like 4 floors of stairs. on the last flight, i missed the first step and tumbled down the ENTIRE FLIGHT of stairs. i kid you not, i literally yard saled down these stairs (18 in total, i counted them numerous times days after). but miraculously I WASN’T HURT AT ALL. i remember initially falling and just went limp and accepted my fate. so as i crashed down i just laid there staring at the ceiling thinking “what the fuck did i just do.” next thing i know all i hear is “BRO, BRO, HOLY SHIT ARE YOU OKAY” and this crew of white bros are around me and i tell them that i’m fine and that the only thing that hurts is the embarrassment and that they should help me the fuck up. so i get a hand and am back on my feet.

so we get outside and start talking and we start bonding like old chums, like we’ve known each other for years. like me the guy who just almost killed himself on a flight of stairs and these random dudes. and we start smoking to (i know eww, but that year i was a fuck and smoked thanks to the people i worked with). so i spent like 20 minutes just shooting the shit with these people and whoever came out of the bar it was seriously fun. but then it started to rain, so i decided to just get outta there and go home. so i said “peace” and bolt the fuck out, but as soon as i get a block away the rain stopped. so i slowed down at a walking pace. and as i’m going around this corner this random person comes out of their house and comes directly at me. like it seemed like this girl literally came out this house just to talk to me, weird. so she gets my attention, slows me slow to a halt and we start to talk. i remember just going with it and being really sarcastic because of just how random this all was and the fact that i almost died earlier. at this one point in conversation we both ended up describing something as “emo” at the same time which i thought was absolutely hilarious, because i hadn’t heard anyone use that word in like 5 years, let alone BOTH of us using it at the exact same time. so as i started to laugh i started to hold her hands and i don’t remember what we were talking about at all because we were both laughing so much. but as we talked we started to come closer and closer until like we were nose to nose and i said something like “well, can i have a kiss?” she smiled and nodded and we started to make out in the middle of this street for a good 5 minutes. i remember we were both still laughing and smiling the whole time too which was cute. but it was so random. afterwards i remember just putting it out there and said i’d like to see you sometime, at a regular hour of day, maybe even a date. she said yes, gave me her number and we went our own ways. even when i was walking home i was reflecting on my night as random as it was and was still laughing when i got home.

BUT when i got to my apartment our front door was kicked in. like the door was literally hanging on by one hinge and was so fucked up. so i was like ”what the fuck” in my head. so limbo’d my way through the doorway looked inside and everything seemed fine in our apartment, i heard music coming from the door of one of my roommates who was subletting his room to some kid. and no one answered. so i knocked on my other friends room, christian (this kid was in first year at the time and was addicted to WOW and would always play it at night, so i knew he’d be there and be up.) he answered right away i asked him about the door he said he didn’t know (but we’re the type of roommates who would always joke about things, so me being drunk i was laughing even more.) then this sublet-ing cunt of a kid opens his door so fucking aggressively and gets in my face being like “what the fuck man, i hear you talking, you think i did this to the door, huh? HUH? Well what the fuck, why are you blaming me? HUH?” like the fuck, when i was talking to christian i didn’t even utter this kid’s name but this piece of trash gets in my face so hard, getting so defensive and aggressive. i remember just laughing and telling him to calm the fuck down and to get out of my face. and this fucking idiot starts pushing me and shit, and then i notice he has that friend in his room, he comes in and starts saying dumb shit like “yeah man the fuck, stop blaming him bro. we’ll fuck you up. shut up man, we’ll beat the fuck out of you.” and seriously starts egging this fuck to assault me. and i’m still like laughing and shit and being like what the fuck are you doing.i notice this whole situation is in danger of escalating so fucking quick that i look at christian and say “whatever, fuck this. christian, let’s just chill in your room, i don’t wanna deal with this.” so we go into his room and ignore these 2 dumb fucks yelling and shit. so christian starts playing WOW and i’m laying on his bed recounting my entire night, to him and his friends on fucking TEAMSPEAK hahaha.

lmao, so like the whole time we’re laughing and shit and i guess these 2 nimrods in the other room think we’re talking about them or some shit because they barge into christian’s room and the one guy fucking starts swinging at me and shit. i won’t go in to detail but like this fuck and his friend pinned me down and got some shots in to my face and body, all for no reason. and for like the next hour they were making threats to me and shit. it was all so fucking dumb and pointless. i think i was more shocked that something like this happened when i literally did nothing. so eventually shit calms down and i just decide to go to my room and go to bed, then i wake up some hours later, to my other 2 roommates texts i telling them in a couple sentences what happened and they come directly back home and we call the cops. the police come into our apartment, broken door and all like 30 minutes later. me and christian give our statements to the police and they arrest this kid for assault. BUT IT GETS EVEN BETTER, APPARENTLY THIS KID WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ON PAROLE FOR A PREVIOUS CRIME. lmfao, like apparently he had a parole officer and everything. turns out he wasn’t allowed to drink AT ALL (and he drank like every night), wasn’t allowed to live within 2 miles of a bar, club or a store that sells alcohol and he had been faking appointments with his p.o at a friend’s house every week. LMFAO so he was clearly in violation of his parole and was sent to fucking jail for that and for assault. i remember it was me, my three other roommates and the apartment director all in the living room talking about the door as the police came out of that guys room with him in handcuffs. as the cop was walking him out he was like “WALK STRAIGHT AHEAD, DON’T LOOK BACK” but this fucker looked at us all in the living room with the most disgusting look on his face. lmfao i guess it was supposed to be intimidating or something but again i thought it was hilarious.

lmfao so yeah that’s my story of one of the most random nights of my life. i tend to forget that ALL of those things happened on the same night. and as i come to think about it i’ve never told the story in it’s full entirety. i’ve always just told bits of the night as individual stories. and don’t worry apartment maintenance came by 20 minutes later and gave us a new door. a week later christian and i went down to the office to look at the hallway camera footage with an apartment office employee and apparently that fuck DID BREAK THE DOOR. lmfao apparently he had some more people over and i guess he got into ANOTHER altercation with a person before i even got home. the footage showed this girl running out of our apartment and him following, then 5 seconds later he came back and slammed the door and pulled it off their hinges after as well. lmfao what an idiot.

and i haven’t heard from that kid since (it’s been like 3-4 years now.) and don’t worry, i wasn’t bruised up or anything i guess those two idiots were too much of pussies to actually give a fucking drunk guy a black eye. like seriously, if you’re going to beat someone up at least do it right.

lmao and i guess things never worked out with that girl either i kissed either now that i think about it. i didn't talk to her after because i forgot about it. but i told a couple of my friends about me falling down those stairs and for the remainder of the year would always snapchat me videos of them going down those stairs pretending to fall or to tempt fate hahaha. it’s all pretty funny to look back on.

this is probably my longest story. i’m sorry for the long read, that is if you actually read this whole thing.

#story time

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