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emberedroses · 3 months

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Hands that Heal [Bucky x Reader]: Chapter 2

Masterlist | Prologue | Chapter 1

Summary: You're the Avengers newest all-star Medic. Your life changes when you meet the infamous Bucky Barnes, who is unlike any veteran you've met before in your career.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Doctor!Reader

Word Count: 8.7K

!! Warning 18+; Minors DNI !!

Chapter Warning: Mentions of anxiety.

The Doctor is In

Bucky could have turned either right or left and avoided the office at the end of the hall entirely.

He could have pretended he was lost or on the wrong floor and turned back around to avoid the doors that separated the office from the rest of the rooms on the level.

He could have easily avoided seeing a doctor.

Bucky could have gotten out of this situation and gone about his day as if nothing had happened.

Yet, he didn't. He couldn't bring himself to go through with his escape tactics.

Bucky knew he needed help. Whether he liked it or not, visiting 'Dr. Delmar' was the only way to get rid of the pain plaguing his back.

'It's just a check-up,' Bucky reassured himself. He stood in front of the glass sliding door, his finger hovering above a security keypad. 'You've faced worse. Like Steve said, it's just a check-up. It's not the end of the world.'

He couldn't lie to himself. This big jump out of the realm of his usual routine was the end of the world. Or at least it felt like it. The only reason Bucky found himself walking down the third-floor hall was to prove he wasn't the weakling coward he feared he had become.

The keypad lightly beeped with every number he inputted. A small green light flashed in the corner of the keypad, and the glass door quietly slid open.

'Breathe.' Bucky took a quick breath and stepped inside. 'It's not the end of the world.'

He took a few more steps inside the office. It was far enough that the door slid shut behind him. He knew now there was a point of no return.

'This office is huge,' Bucky almost whispered. 'It's more of a clinic if anything.'

He couldn't help but admire the details of the clinic. If Bucky could spare one compliment to Steve's snarky billionaire husband, it would be that he spares no expense when it comes to interior designs.

The same teal that was seen contrasting the white and grey marble tiles was the exact same shade of teal that formed a line toward the end of the office contrasting the rest of the off-white wall. The doors leading into the consult rooms were grey with a white letter in the middle.

Even the air smelled like a walk on a beach. The scent was stronger once he stepped through the foggy transparent door, though, the cold ventilation was a big contrast to the nostalgic warm summer rays and reminded him that he was still in a doctor's office.

But the color scheme or the aroma wasn't the best part about the clinic. No, the highlight of the entire space was the water wall near the desk.

It took its name literally, as it was an entire wall of falling water. There was no glass casing over it, but the stream was thin enough to give the illusion that it was part of the dark blue backdrop. The bed of white rocks lined on the floor caught all of the water as it fell. The gentle pitter-patter of droplets made the entire place feel less intimidating.

'This place is beautiful,' No, 'beautiful' isn't what he would describe this place. It was calming. He forgot that places are capable of making one feel at peace. 'It's definitely calmer than most medic wards in the tower.'

His eyes lingered on the man at the desk a little longer than he wanted. It was hard not to when he seemed so hyper-focused on the screen in front of him that he hadn't noticed someone walk into the room.

'I haven't seen him before. Must be new.'

"Woah, I'm so sorry about that. Welcome in," Bucky nearly jumped from the sudden greeting. He hoped the man didn't catch on to his staring earlier. "Are you seeking treatment?"

"Um, yes, my back hurts?"

Bucky walked closer to the desk. The man's hazel eyes followed him as he approached, and his pearly white teeth shone as bright as his smile. Getting a better look at the man, Bucky could confirm that he'd never seen him anywhere around the tower before.

The man's face was youthful and clean-shaven, and his curlish brown locks were gelled back. The navy scrubs complimented his olive skin tone, and he could see the outline of defined muscles underneath the grey compression sleeves he wore on each arm.

'Tony really hired an entirely new staff for this place. This doctor must really be something.'

"Did you sustain an injury?"

"Yes."

"I'm very sorry about that. Good thing you came to the right place,"

The man's words bleed with perkiness despite his deep voice. Part of him envies how happy he is, to have such joy that it seeps into your tone and diction.

'What is it like to have a fraction of that?'

"Have you been here before?"

"No," Bucky shook his head. "This is the first time I've heard about this place."

"That's okay; my name is Cristóbal or Cris, and I'm an RN here," Cristóbal pointed to his shirt pocket, which had his name embroidered in white cursive text with a white heart next to it. "I'll be checking you in and taking your vitals once we get you set up in a room. Could you give me your name and date of birth so I can pull you up in the system?"

"It's James Barnes. Birthdate is March third, 1917."

"Ah, you look good for your age."

Bucky tried to match Cristóbal's smile. It was a light-hearted joke, but there was this pain that lingered inside his chest. He badly wanted to respond: "I wish I didn't have to be this way," but he knew better than to go around making bad impressions on the new staff.

"Thanks."

Cristóbal focused his attention back on his keyboard. He typed something into the computer before looking back up at Bucky.

"Alright, got your chart going," Cristóbal reached underneath his desk, pulled out a tablet, and slid it toward Bucky. What appeared to be a sign-in form was on the bright white screen. "Please fill this out so we can check you into the system. Once you're done, we can bring you back," As Bucky grabbed the tablet off the desk, Cristóbal pointed towards the water wall. "You can sit over there. It's more comfortable than standing here."

"Oh, okay."

Bucky was a bit embarrassed that he had been so engulfed in taking in the scenery that he hadn't noticed the line of chairs in front of the wall.

"Just bring it over when you're done."

Bucky nodded and made his way over. The moment he hit the chair, another wave of pain shot up his back. He huffed as he adjusted his back to gain some relief, but still, there wasn't any.

'If this works, I won't have to be dealing with this any longer.'

Most of the questions on the screen were auto-filled with his information. Bucky scrolled down, checking to see if there were any mistakes or blank answers.

"Everything seems to be in order," Bucky mumbled to himself. "Is there something I'm missing?"

From across the room, he heard the sound of a door clicking open, followed by the soft mummers of a woman's voice. Bucky looked up briefly, but no one other than Cristóbal was near the desk.

'Why did he hand this to me if everything was answered for me?'

His eyes focus back on the screen and he scrolled further down on the page. A blank table finally came up. He sighed as he read the question at the top.

'Place an "X" in the column that describes your level of pain?'

He read through all fifteen works that ranged from 'throbbing' to 'cruel-punishing'. He feared putting an 'X' next to any of them.

'I have to put something...' Bucky stared at the words. He felt his face grow hot as he read them. The thought of him being in this position in the first place filled him with shame. 'It's definitely not 'cruel-punishing'. I'm not supposed to feel that helpless.'

Bucky placed an 'X' next to the words 'sharp', 'aching', and 'tender'. It seemed less embarrassing than the other thirteen descriptors.

Below the chart was an outlined diagram of a man's body with one facing frontways and the other facing backward.

'Mark the area where your pain is the most persistent.'

Bucky gently pressed his finger to the area between his neck and shoulder and zig-zagged the jagged line near his lower back. When he moved his hand away from the screen, nearly half of the diagram was covered in red lines.

'That's a good way of describing it.'

He scrolled further down away from the diagram only to see two questions in bold lettering, along with a little box big enough to type in a number or two inside.

'On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your pain?' Bucky clicked his tongue while thinking. 'An easy five, maybe?'

'How long have you had this injury?'

Bucky re-read the question a couple of times. He didn't know why. He had come to terms with what he had for a while, but seeing it on paper felt different. He forgot that underneath the bouts of serums and enhancements, he was still human.

He forgot the curse that comes with being one.

'Five days. I've been injured for five days.'

Bucky scrolled down, hoping to see more. At the end of the page was a green 'submit' button.

'Thank fuck that's all,' Bucky thought, pressing the button at the bottom of the chart. A green check mark took up the page. A sigh left his lips at the sight of it. 'Halfway through this.'

Bucky got up and saw Pietro coming out from one of the rooms and standing in front of the desk. Bucky tried to be quiet as he lined up behind him.

'I wonder what happened to him?'

"It's good to see you better," Cristóbal's overly cheery voice echoed through the clinic. "We don't have a follow-up scheduled for you, but do come back if you have any complications."

"Sounds like a plan. I'll catch you later."

Pietro turned around, and his face lit up with a smile. Bucky could only awkwardly move aside so the speedster could get through.

"Hey, what happened to you?"

'Great.'

"Hey, bad back," Bucky pursed his lips in a slight smile. What brought you here?"

"I got an arrow stuck in my shoulder. The emergency medics were able to take it out, but it caused a bit of nerve damage. But that's what I get for making bets with Sam."

"Well, be more careful, I guess?"

"No promises!" Pietro laughed, patting Bucky lightly on the arm. "Hope you feel better!"

Bucky waved the silver-haired man away as he turned to leave. He was painfully aware he sucked at small talk. As much as Steve assures him that the others on the team like and respect him, he doubts it with the way he awkwardly makes conversations with the rest of them.

"Thank you for waiting. I appreciate you filling this out," Bucky nodded at Cristóbal and placed the tablet on the desk. The preppy nurse moved it to the side. He typed something on his computer before standing up. "Let's get you to a room, James."

"You can call me Bucky. Everyone does."

Cristóbal turns his head, stopping them from stepping into the empty consult room. His smile had dropped slightly by this point. An almost invisible gleam cast over his eyes, making them glossy.

'What the...?'

Bucky squinted, unsure if he had really seen what he thought he saw.

"Is that your preference?"

He felt something pang in his chest like nothing he'd ever felt. It might have been how the nurse was staring at him so intensely that made him so uneasy.

"Yes?"

"Okay, Bucky, right this way, please!"

Cristóbal blinked; the glossiness was gone, and his smile returned.

'Are you going crazy already?'

Bucky exhaled lightly through his nose, trying to ignore his voice of woe as he walked into the empty room.

'This is different.'

His eyes wandered around for a little too long. He couldn't help it. The room is unlike anything he had ever seen before. It had the same setup as most intake rooms in the emergency and non-emergency wards. Everything from the bed, the sink, the cabinets, and the chairs were identical other than color. All the furniture matched the color scheme of the office to a T.

The only distinct difference was a multi-layered fountain built into the corner of the wall. It almost blended into it if it weren't for the teal-jade accents of the fountain blurring through the crystal-clear water.

'This place loves its fountains.'

"Have a seat for me right here, please," Cristóbal's voice interrupted his thoughts. The nurse held his hand out toward the chair next to the sink. "I need to check your vitals before the doctor can attend to you."

Bucky didn't hesitate to nod and shit down. His eyes locked on the nurse, but he refused to look into his eyes again after what he had seen moments before. There was a bit of silence lingering in the room. Bucky wanted to ask Cristóbal about the fountain, but before he could, the nurse was already scurrying around to the other side of the room toward a white cart carrying some machinery. Bucky watched intently as he plugged and unplugged some cords and pulled out a thick white cuff. He gulped as he knew what came next. "Do you mind rolling this sleeve up for me?"

Cristóbal pointed at his left arm. His body twitched uncomfortably. The words were stuck in his throat. Bucky contemplated showing him what lays beneath the black fabric of his loose-fitting shirt. He hoped the silent gesture would tell the nurse to use his other arm.

But Bucky didn't want a pitied look from the man. He didn't want to have to make up a fake explanation as to why he had such an advanced prosthetic or explain what the red star stands for.

"Oh, um, use this arm," He stammered. Bucky's eyes twitched a bit. He wasn't made to stammer. " It'll be easier."

Cristóbal smiled and undid the cuff. The sound of the velcro ripping apart made him a bit uneasy.

"Whatever you are comfortable with, just roll it on up for me."

"Right, sorry."

Bucky tried to be neat about it. But Cristóbal's eyes seemed to burn into him, and he ended up messily driving the end hem up to his shoulder. He looked back at Cristóbal and the nurse smiled and started lining the cuff up with his arm.

His skin grew with goosebumps from the feeling of the cool cuff mixed with the warmth of Cristóbal's fingers brushing against his skin.

"You're going to feel a tight squeeze," The nurse whispered to him as the cuff began to tighten around his arm. Bucky learned to plant his feet when he was nervous. It was safe to say the soldier was a few seconds away from trembling from the tension between his legs and the floor. "just try and relax for me."

'Easier said than done, pal, easier said than done.'

Though Bucky's eyes were locked on one of the tiles of the floor a few feet away from him, he could hear Cristóbal shuffling around and hitting things against the metal of the cart. He then felt something light clasp over his right index finger.

"It's just to check your O2 levels. Look up for me, will you?" Bucky did what Cristóbal asked and his eyes met the ceiling. The light void gave him some comfort until he felt something glide against his forehead and rest below his chin. "And we're done!"

'Oh, thank goodness.'

The cuff released its tight grasp and Bucky nearly sighed in relief when Cristóbal began to remove the cuff and finger clasp from his body. He watched as Cristóbal load everything back onto the cart and push it away until it softly hit a wall.

"Good news, everything came back normal, so have some piece of mind about that. The doctor is currently finishing up with another patient, but they'll be within to meet you shortly, okay?"

"Sounds good, thanks."

"See you outside."

The door clicked when Cristóbal left the room. Bucky was alone for the first time since he entered the office. The first thing he did was let out an exhale he didn't realize he was holding in.

'It's almost over,' Bucky nearly whispered. He rolled his sleeve back down to his elbow, trying to make the wrinkled fabric seem neat. 'It's just a doctor. He's not gonna hurt you.'

There was a soft knock at the door. Bucky stared over at it before it opened, and a woman that he didn't recognize walked in.

"Good morning," You said, smiling through your teeth. "Am I speaking to Mr. James Barnes?"

"Yes?"

"Great," The door clicked behind you, and you tucked a strand of (h/c) hair behind your ear. You picked up a tablet that was on the sink counter. Bucky watched you scroll through it for a moment in silence. You finally looked up at Bucky and he straightened his posture up to try and match yours. "How are you today, Mr. Barnes?"

"I'm doing okay."

"That's amazing to hear!"

You went back to looking over the tablet, leaving Bucky to just continue to stare at you. He couldn't stop himself.

"Let us see here..."

As your voice trailed off into the silence of the room, Bucky's eyes trailed over your body. He noticed right away your outfit differed from Cristóbal's. While he wore a full set of scrubs with his name on full display, you were wearing a thin, black fleece jacket with a pair of navy blue scrub bottoms. Your name was nowhere in sight.

'Is she a nurse too?'

"I have noted here you've been having back pain? How long has that been going on for?"

'More questions?'

"Oh, um, I've already had my intake."

You laughed a little bit to yourself. Bucky could only stare at you in confusion.

"Yes, I know, Mr. Barnes. I'm sorry for the confusion, I should have introduced myself first," You stood up and walked toward him with your hand out for him to shake. He stared down at it for a moment before you interrupted his gaze with your voice. "My name is Dr. Delmar, I'll be treating your injury today."

'Oh shit.'

Bucky's face flushed with embarrassment. Immediately, he took your hand and gave it a firm shake, and he grabbed your wrist with his other hand, caressing it slightly.

"I'm so sorry, I did not mean to be rude by any means."

"You're alright, don't worry about it."

"Right."

Something about your words calmed him. It might have been your sweet and quiet tone or the way your eyes softened whenever it met his. It could have been anything, really. What he was sure about was that it felt nice to be talked to in a way none of the other nurses and doctors talked to him in the other medical wards.

"So, you've been having pain in your back leaning to the left?"

"Yes, I fell from a rooftop right on my back five or so days ago."

"Oof, yep, that'll do it to you," Bucky nodded politely. You finally set the tablet down again and clapped your hands together, getting his attention again. "Now, do you mind removing your shirt so I can get a look?"

"No problem."

The cold air painfully hit his body upon taking off his long sleeve. Bucky sheepishly crumbled it up in his hand and lazily set it over his knee. He could see the outlines of wrinkles already forming in the black fabric. And he would have cared more if not for how nervous he was being shirtless and alone with a woman he barely knew.

"Alright, I'm going to feel around. I apologize if my hands are a little cold."

Bucky had to physically stop himself from jolting away from your touch. He must have been so wrapped up in his own head a second ago he didn't even notice how freezing you were. And it only seemed to get worse the more you pressed around on his skin.

"I'm feeling some inflammation around this area. You may have a muscle tear or a damaged nerve. But nothing that can't be fixed here!" You moved away from his back and came back around to stand in front of him. "But I need to know something first."

"Hm?"

"Is your prosthetic removable?"

"Not particularly?"

He heard you hum an 'okay' as you nodded your head slightly.

"I assume you shower with if that's the case?" You questioned again. "Does that mean you can get it wet?"

"Wet?"

"Yes, my treatment program requires that I get your back wet."

'This wasn't what Steve and Tony told me at all.'

If he could be honest with himself. He didn't know what exactly to expect. But getting questioned by a doctor about whether or not he can get his metal arm wet while shirtless wasn't something he was prepared to have happened during his session with the famed 'Dr. Delmar'.

"Um, yeah, it should be fine."

"Okay, Mr. Barnes, I need you to lie down on your stomach for me, alright?" You went over to the other side of the bed and lifted up a padded head cradle. You then walked over to the cabinet pulled out a few small white towels and laid them around the padding, careful not to cover the hole in the cradle. "I'm going to perform a water scan on your back to get to the root of the problem. Then we can discuss treatment and a possible follow-up."

"Water scan? What do you mean?"

"I should really invest in infographics," He heard you whisper. You looked back at him and moved your chair out from behind you. "I'm not sure if Mr. Stark mentioned it, but I have the ability to heal people using water. Give me a moment so I can bring in my demonstration."

"Okay?"

Bucky watched you leave the room quickly, only hearing you say something along the lines of, "Cris, come here."

You went over to the fountain in the corner of the room and dropped something from the bottle into the water. Bucky's eyes widened when he saw the clear water sparkle. You placed the dropper into your pocket and placed both palms underneath the stream. When you pulled them out, a small orb of water floated over your hands.

'This seems...different.' Bucky's left leg swayed while he waited. He was almost relieved when he heard footsteeps approaching the door.

"Nurse Cris will be my demonstration," Cristóbal looked unamused as you brought him into the room by his arm. He awkwardly waved at Bucky before you let him go. "You're arm?" He pursed his lips as he looked over at you. You smiled at him and pulled a bottled dropper out of your pocket. "Give me one second."

'This is VERY different.'

You moved your hands around, and the water manipulated itself between your palms. Bucky couldn't take his eyes off the way it danced around so effortlessly.

"Impressive, isn't it?" Cristóbal laughed out. "You would think you'd see it all as an Avenger."

"I don't mean to seem so surprised. I've never seen anything like this."

You smiled and stretched out the water as you made your way back to Cristóbal.

"Come here for a second, Mr. Barnes," Bucky quickly got up, still staring intently at the water flowing between your hands. He watched you place the stretched out water on Cristóbal's arm. "What I'm doing is taking this water and aligning it above his skin," Bucky nodded. He saw as the water showed faint outlines of nerves, arteries, and muscle. It was like the water made the top layers of skin and fat invisible. "You see that blue mark? That was from him pressing on it earlier. Everything else looks healthy and he is in no need of healing or care. What I did to him is what I will do to your back. Do you have any more questions?"

"Nope."

Even if he had questions, he would be too afraid to ask what he had just seen. He thought he would be used to all the magic and unusualness that surrounds him, but someone always comes along with some new ability he has to pretend to understand.

"Great. Thank you, Cris."

"It's always a pleasure, Doctor."

Cristóbal waved again and left the room in silence. Bucky made his way back to the bed. As he sat, he processed everything that he had just seen.

'No wonder Steve was so serious. Was he this surprised, too?

"So, um," Bucky weakly muttered out. "Do I lie down now?"

"Yes, sorry about that. Go on and get comfortable. We can get start as soon as you tell me you're ready."

Bucky aligned himself up with the bed and he was soon faced with nothing but the room's marble floor.

'Nothing to worry about.'

There was a silence interpreted by his own exhale. He checked his body to release any tension he thought he was holding. As his shoulders relaxed, he muttered softly, "I, I think I'm ready."

"Perfect," Your sweet voice followed his own hushed one. He exhaled again, doing his best to try and lean into your words. "Now, I'm going to be transparent. This may tickle. Can you promise me to be as still as you possibly can?"

"Sure I can do that."

"Thank you. Let's get started then!"

Bucky felt something cold tingle its way all around his back. He did what he was told and stayed as still as possible. Not one muscle in his frame moved. He heard you mumble a list of 'okays' and 'alright' to yourself. He imagined your eyes scanning over his open body. The image of his own veins and organs made his stomach churn, but he knew he had to contain himself.

'I don't want to be known as the patient who threw up all over the floor on his first check-up.'

"Just as I thought," You hummed. "Torn muscle."

'Steve was right after all.'

"This is an easy fix, Mr. Barnes, I understand this is your first treatment with me. What you are about to feel may be painful or even unnatural. But for your safety, I need you to do your best to hold still for me, okay?"

"O-okay," Bucky felt himself tense up a little. It was his nerves taking over. He let out a shaky exhale to try and ease his body back to being relaxed. "Sorry."

You light out a little giggle. It was a sound that made something in his chest flutter.

"There is no need to apologize, Mr. Barnes. I'm here to help you in the way that's most comfortable for you. If the healing session becomes too intense, please, just say so."

"Oh," Was all his brain could respond with. Bucky's eyes wanted to gloss over, but he knew better than to let a stranger see him cry, much less a kind stranger who happened to be his doctor. "Thank you."

"No need, Mr. Barnes. I want you to understand that this is a judgment-free area. And I am here for you."

'I am here for you.' He repeated. 'She is here for me?'

There was a moment where Bucky had to stop himself from getting up and engulfing you in the biggest hug of either of your lives.

'She's so...' His anxious mind, once racing with thoughts, could only settle on one word: 'Kind.'

"I'm going to begin now. Remember what I said, okay?"

"Yes. I'm ready."

Bucky wasn't prepared for the immense pain of the healing process. The entire left side of his body burned with an ache he had never felt before in his entire life. He never knew there were more levels of pain until this moment.

"Mphf!" Bucky muffled his own sound of pain by sucking in his lower lip. To distract himself, he tried his best not to bite into it, but the pain was so intense he was willing to risk scarring himself if it meant at least a bit of comfort. "Mphf...mphf..."

'Holy hell, how long is this going to take?'

"I'm almost done, Mr. Barnes. You're doing amazing. Thank you for holding still."

"Mhm." That was all he could say to you.

'What the...' The pain lasted only a few more seconds. Soon, the cool water was all he could feel on his back. No more burning pain or numbness. 'Is this real?'

"All done, Mr. Barnes," He felt the water lift off of himself, but he still felt damp skin. "Let me dry you off first, and then you get up."

The towel was warm against his skin. He shivered a bit but soon softened at the feeling of relaxation it brought.

"There we go."

Bucky lifted himself up and hopped off of the table. He adjusted his muscles, smiling at the feeling of his body being 'normal' again.

'Whatever 'normal' is for me anyway.'

"Would you like a warm robe?"

"No thank you," Bucky paused to slip his shirt back on. He used his hand to try and iron out the wrinkles but gave up halfway through, knowing that he would never get it crisp again without a real iron. "I have a mission brief after this."

"Understandable," Bucky caught a glimpse of your glistening pearly teeth as you talked. He couldn't help but smile at the sound of your voice. "How do you feel now?"

'Intense.'

That is what Bucky wanted to say, but there was no way he was going to blurt that out to her.

"It doesn't hurt anymore."

"That's what I like to hear!" You exclaimed. Bucky watched as you washed your hands and dried them with a towel. He heard you mumble to yourself again before turning to look at him. "So, may return to regular activities, but I do want to schedule a follow-up if you plan on embarking on any combat missions in the next week."

"I have one scheduled in two days."

"I suppose I'll be seeing you tomorrow then, Mr. Barnes. Just following precaution."

"I know," He nodded. "Thank you, by the way."

"Of course. Thank you for trusting me enough to do this for you, Mr. Barnes."

"Careful what you say. You might be the only doctor I come to see from now on."

You laughed and bowed your head slightly.

"Well, I'd be my honor. Here, let me walk you out," You rushed to the door, holding it open for Bucky. He slightly thanked you and waited for you to close it back up so he could stay at your side. He followed silently as you strode your way to the front desk, where Cris was typing something into the computer. "Cris here will give you your discharge slip and schedule your next appointment."

"Thank you, Doctor."

"No problem. Take care, Mr. Barnes,"

You flashed him a last smile. Bucky felt so at ease looking at your face. He'd never known such kindness before. He's been to the medics on base, and they are respectful, but none of them were as nurturing as how you treated him.

It was different. The type of different he wouldn't mind getting used to.

'I can't get that ahead of myself.'

"Cris, I need to get something from behind the desk, so try not to kick me."

"Go for it," Cris didn't move his eyes away from his monitor as he picked up his keyboard and scooted his wheeled chair to the left. He finally looked up at Bucky and smiled. "Good to see that you're better, Bucky,"

Cris clicked his mouse a couple of times before grabbing an energy drink with various cherries decorated on the can. "I see the doctor has you scheduled for a follow-up tomorrow. What time works best for you?"

"I can make it around this time."

"Let's see here; I think we have that opening available," More clicks filled Bucky's ears. He noticed you pulling some items out from beneath the desk and platting them onto the desk. Several bottles of unlabeled drop bottles and boxes of gloves began to clutter the free space of the desk. Though Cris was concentrating on his screen, he kept looking to the side to ensure nothing would slide onto the keyboard. "So, I have you down for eight-thirty tomorrow morning. Does that sound alright with you?"

"Sounds perfect."

"Okay, let me get your discharge paperwork in order, and you'll be on your way," Cris clicked his mouse a few times before looking to his left. "Careful, Nene. I'm going to head to the back for a second. We're out of ink and paper at the desk printer, I'll get more after my break."

"Alright," Cris got up from his chair and nearly jogged back toward the other end of the clinic. You must not have noticed he was gone because Bucky could still hear you whispering about what you were missing. "Hey, Cris? Do you happen to know where the spare to-"

"Lady Delmar! Lady Delmar, are you in here?"

"Thor-? Fuck!" You cut your own voice off with a yelp. Then you got up and rubbed the top of your head with a face stung with annoyance. "I shouldn't have gotten up so fast," You hummed to yourself. You must have forgotten Bucky was there because the moment his eyes met yours, he could see your face flush with embarrassment. "I'm so sorry, Mr. Barnes, I didn't realize you were there."

"Are you okay?"

Bucky reached out toward you, and in your dazed state, you took a step back. He immediately felt his face fall. Had he already overstepped with you?

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that. Is your head okay?"

"No need to apologize. I'm okay," He watched as you moved the stuff on the desk to the side. You dusted your pants off before striding out from behind the desk. You reached out your hand, and he nearly flinched when he watched your fingers lightly grace his left upper forearm. "Thank you for worrying. I'll see you tomorrow, Mr. Barnes. Please excuse me."

As you walked off, taking your hand off his body, he had to stop himself from snapping his head back to watch you walk off.

'Did that really happen?'

He knew it was just a touch, but he couldn't stop replaying it in his head. You knew he couldn't exactly 'feel' the way your fingers felt on his arm, but you knew what arm you were touching, and you did it anyway- no apprehension, no judgment. It was hard for him to comprehend how someone could treat him with such normalcy.

"Thor," Your sweet voice rang through the clinic. "My favorite God of Thunder."

"Lady Delmar, fair as ever. I always had a suspicion I was your favorite."

'Favorite?'

"By default, as you are the only God of Thunder I know," You retorted sarcastically. "How is your arm doing?"

"Amazing! See, good as new."

From the corner of his eye, he could see Thor flexing his arm- presumably the one that had been injured before. Bucky self-consciously touched his right arm. It may be unfair of him to compare himself to a literal God, but he had more muscle than the average man.

'That has to count as impressive, right?'

"That is always good to hear. Do you have an appointment? I didn't see your name down in my books."

"No, thankfully, I am in excellent health. I mean, look at me, perfect as ever, no flaws. Would you not agree?"

'He may be a God, but he isn't indestructible. I've seen him banged up before and it's never pretty,' Bucky felt a little invasive for eavesdropping. But his only other option is to stare at a wall until Cris returns. It didn't help that Thor's voice was loud enough to be heard from several rooms over. Bucky was inclined to say the lack of secrecy was a flaw of God. 'And I would count arrogance as a flaw too. No one is THAT perfect.'

"As your doctor, I am happy you aren't in pain. What really brings you in here?"

"I have a patient for you."

"Really? Whose is this 'oh-so-mysterious' patient?"

"One moment, he has escaped from me."

Thor's loud footsteps could be heard leaving the room.

"Hello there."

'I forget he is able to do that.'

"Loki, is everything alright? Your brother seems to be worried."

A muffled sentence could be heard from the other side of the sliding door. Bucky nearly broke and turned his head. He worried you would judge him if he found out he was listening to the conversation and he was already struggling with trying to make a good first impression.

"He burned his hand on the stove!"

"She didn't need to know that, you goof!"

"Why not? It is normal and important information. How embarrassing said information can be is not for anyone to judge."

"My apologies to him. He insisted I come to undergo your treatment once again."

"He's just looking out for his little brother. It's very sweet of him."

"I have been told I am very kind. Thank you for noticing."

"Let me see your hand," There was a pause in the conversation. Bucky couldn't help but roll his eyes at Thor's incessant flirtatious remarks. He couldn't judge him too harshly. He couldn't count how many times he would shamelessly hang around the health wards during his time in the Army, hoping to woo the women there. "Hm, that looks like a second-degree burn, but it isn't anything I can't treat. Come on back, I'll have you out as quickly as you came in."

"Can I come back too?"

"The person being treated has to make the decision. Loki?"

"I suppose."

"Alright, come on, you two."

"Thank you for being so patient!" Bucky's eyes jolted toward Cris. He was so focused on the conversation behind him that he had forgotten why he was waiting there for him in the first place. "I apologize for the wait. Here you are!" He took the slip of paper in his hands and stared at it. It smelled like a gas station receipt with how pungent the ink stunk in his nose. A code with a website link underneath it was printed in navy blue lettering. Right at the bottom was tomorrow's date and the time of his appointment. "Just follow that site, which will give you access to the client portal. Other than that, I'll be seeing you tomorrow!"

"Thank you, I'll be seeing you."

Bucky awkwardly walked out of the office. The way he darted toward the elevator felt like deja vu. A part of him was scared Cris would clear his throat and call him back.

'I got to get out of here.'

He pressed the elevator and smiled softly when it dinged. The smile was nearly wiped off his face when he saw Sam standing there.

'Of course, it had to be him of all people.'

"Isn't someone a little late to the meeting?"

"Aren't you late too?"

"I'm always late. I thought you were better than this, Barnes."

Bucky chose to stay silent. Sam chuckled and shoved at his arm playfully. He only stared bullets into Sam rather than saying anything.

Another thing that came with reconnecting with Steve was getting along with his friend.

A friend he hated.

Hate was a strong word to Bucky. He doesn't hate anyone. Not even Tony, who, despite finding him annoying beyond belief, he can't find it in him to hate. He can never do that to the man who changed Steve's life. It would be disrespectful.

Sam wasn't Tony. He'd prefer to deal with another Tony than Sam. Tony respected him in some regard despite their strained relationship. Sam, on the other hand, never liked him and never tried to hide that fact.

Bucky would want to say his transparency was admirable, but he'd instead jump off two more buildings than dish Sam a compliment.

"Lighten up, man, it's called a joke. They didn't have that in the forties or something?"

'They did. They were a hell of a lot funnier than you.'

That is what he wanted to say. Instead, he held back a glare and nodded while forcing a smile.

"No, I got it."

"We're set on a mission together in two days," The elevator dinged. Bucky didn't get a chance to move before Sam shoved past him to get in front of the doors. "Try not to get in the way this time."

Bucky huffed as Sam walked off. He locked his jaw trying not to let Sam's childish words get to him.

'"That's just his sense of humor,"' He could already hear Steve telling him. '"If he jokes around with you, that means he likes you.""

'If he was so dang funny why haven't I ever laughed at a single one of his lousy jokes?'

Bucky couldn't help but let out one last huff as he made his way down the blue-lit hallway. The door automatically slid open as he approached. He could hear Steve, Tony, and Bruce talking amongst themselves.

'This better be quick.'

"Buck, you're alright?"

Steve got up from the briefing table with a grin on his face. Bucky's cheeks tinted. Steve had the habit of sounding like his mother when it came to his woes and it turned him back into a blushing little kid.

'Now I know how Peter feels.'

"Yep, better than ever," Bucky retorted. "About the mission..."

"We just about wrapped up. I sent notes through the portal."

"I'll go over them later then."

"Well, it's still good to see you not squirming anymore.” Steve said, patting his shoulder. “How was meeting Dr. Delmar?”

Those eight syllables pulled the entire room toward him. Loud conversations died down into hushed whispers and the sound of swivel chairs adjusting could only mean one thing: 'They're watching you.'

"So you did take our advice?" Tony cooed. "Truly, I'm touched, Tinman."

Bucky stopped himself from rolling his eyes at the snide comment. Steve didn’t even bother giving his husband the ‘look’ anymore like he used to whenever he poked fun at him.

"Me? I'm fine," Bucky waved off. As soon as those words left his mouth he saw everyone's eyes were off of him faster than they were ever on him. "Where did you find someone like her anyway?"

"What do you mean?"

Bucky looked away from Steve for a second. His heart beat like a drum against his chest.

‘Why did you say that out loud?’

"I mean, she was talking to Thor and Loki like old pals, I assumed she must be important."

"Sounds like someone's jealous they could talk to people."

"To answer your question, not particularly. She spent years working down at the Veterans Center in Brooklyn before Tony recruited her."

"I’ve heard of that place before. They said it was underfunded as hell, but they’re medical wing was the best in New York."

"(Y/n)'s only accolade before was being a star student. She graduated high school at fifteen, became a licensed physical therapist at nineteen, and became a Doctor by twenty-four."

"Tony, do you mean to tell me you hired teenage protege (y/n) Delmar?"

"You were in the room when I was researching, how did you only now notice?"

"Still! You should have told me; I would love to meet her!"

In all the time Bucky has conversed with the seven-time doctorate scientist, rarely has he ever seen him this bashful. According to Nat, he’s easily impressed with anyone in the STEM or medical field.

‘But he’s heard about Delmar before. She isn’t just something, she’s a real hotshot if people like Tony and Bruce are fanatics.’

"I asked you, and you said, to quote, 'I don't have time to meet every new hire.'"

"I was probably brain-dead then because I would never turn down a meeting with THE (Y/N) DELMAR!" Bruce chuckled at himself before using his cupped hand to cover a sigh. "I am a big fan. Did you know her thesis on the benefits of water therapy is the inspiration behind the spa pools I installed in the lounge?”

"That was the best idea you've ever had by the way,” Tony interjected. “I mean, it’s only logical. Humans used nature to heal centuries ago, why is it such a surprise now that we should incorporate them more in the healing process?”

“It’s incredible stuff! Remember when I read it to you, Nat?”

“Oh, I remember. That was the longest coffee date you’ve taken me on.”

“I heard government agencies were trying to recruit her. I would say it’s a shame she turned them down, but if she didn’t she wouldn’t be working here with us,” Bruce's laugh echoed through the lab. Tony nodded in agreement with his words. Steve and Natasha were side by side and could only pretend to understand what they were conversing about. “I can’t wait to show the lounge to her, I know she’ll be impressed. Right, Nat?”

“Yes, I’m sure she will.”

“So what I’m hearing is she’s too smart for me?”

“On a technical level, yes, I would say she is too intelligent for you.”

Bucky tried to stifle his laugh, but he couldn’t help himself to at least smile at the comment.

"Smarts rarely get you anywhere. You gotta win her with charm, Wilson."

Steve gave Nat a look, but he rolled his eyes in response.

"What? Look, if you aren't smart enough for a woman you gotta be funny or charming. You gotta have at least ONE."

"Hey, I'm funny!"

"I'd beg to differ." Bucky interjected quickly.

“I don’t recall asking you, Barnes, but noted.”

"Before you go harassing my new hire, keep in mind that Dr. Delmar is a resource for post-mission injuries and inquires only. Don't pester her with needless flirting.”

"She might not want to stick around when she meets you."

"Ha, you're one to talk, Barnes,” An annoying laugh echoed from the walls. Bucky hoped his frown was visible. “When was your last date? 1939?"

"It was actually 1943. You should ask your grandmother how it went."

"Oh yeah?"

"What do you plan to do about it, Wilson?"

A silence lingered amongst the team. Bucky watched Sam approach him from the other side of the room.

‘What do you plan to do?’

"Are you two done?” Tony’s voice boomed through the office. It did little to break the eye contact between him and Sam. “Unless you're in here for a mission, get out!"

"Yeah, Barnes,"

Sam got close to his face.

Too close.

The only time somelike like Sam should be this close is if he’s looking for a fight.

‘Don’t try me, Wilson. You won’t like where this will get you.’

Bucky’s chest puffed out from the instinct of the fighting thrill. Bucky wasn’t one to start fights, but he was more than willing to put an end to one.

“Go.”

‘Now he’s asking for it.’

“That’s enough, you two, not even my own son acts this immature! ” Steve managed to separate both of them before either one of them could get a word, much less a punch, in. “Bucky, Sam, I sent you both the briefing notes for Thursday’s mission. Go over them and report to me if there’s an issue. Don’t make me regret choosing you two for this.”

"Whatever."

Bucky turned and left the room without another word. He heard Steve say something to him, but he couldn’t stand to look at Sam’s face any longer.

‘I don’t even know what his problem is. Tony doesn’t treat me this badly!’

He dragged himself back into the elevator and practically smashed the ‘close door’ button. He didn’t want to risk anyone from that room joining him.

Bucky was angry. He practically fummed as he folded his arms.

‘I gotta get some air.’

Bucky pushed the button for the ground floor and sighed as the shaft descended.

"It’s been a hell of a long day," He muttered to himself. "I can’t wait for it to be over."

The elevator lifted slightly and his eyebrows rose at the floor he was stopping at.

'Third floor. Could it be…'

His heart skipped a beat as the door opened. To his dismay, it wasn’t you, but another one of his teammates.

"What up, Barnes?"

His cheery voice entered the elevator shaft before he did. Bucky forced a slight smile and stepped to the side to let Clint inside.

"Hey, Barton," He responded half-heartedly. "Did you also get an arrow in your shoulder?"

"What?"

"I saw Pietro earlier, he said he got an arrow stuck in his shoulder?"

"Oh, no nothing like that!" He laughed. "Just came down to greet the new doctor. She’s real a real sweet girl. Have you got a chance to say hi yet?"

"Y-yeah, she treated an injury I had. She’s nice."

"Oh shit, you alright?"

"I fell off a building a couple days back and Steve needs me on a mission with him and Sam in two days."

"Oh shit. How bad was it?"

"Torn muscle, but I'm good as new."

"Glad you’re alright, man, you should have said something before. Remember, we look out for each other, no matter what."

"Thanks."

Clint smiled and faced back towards the door. Bucky held back a sigh. There was something strange about the entire thing. How someone can work with someone else for so long, know everything from their fighting style, their flaws, and fears, yet not know their favorite color is?

Steve would always tell them they’re a big family. They might be HIS family, but who knows what the rest really think about him.

'What’s wrong with you?'

'DING.'

Clint turned toward him and waved as the door split open.

"Take care, man. No more injuries, alright?"

"Bye," Bucky said so quietly he wasn’t sure Clint heard him. The door opened right then and Clint sped off into the cold and gray parking garage. "Good talking to you."

Bucky stood back and watched him for a second before also stepping off away from the elevator. He didn’t bother going further than a few steps before plopping himself on a blue steel bench.

‘Even if I wanted to go anywhere, I didn’t bring my damn keys.’

Bucky didn’t want to head back to the Tower anytime soon. But he also didn’t want to ride his bike when he was still hot from his conversation with Sam.

"I just need a few seconds…" He mumbled. "Sam’s just being a dumbass."

He cringed slightly when he heard the small echoes of his muffled words pang through the garage. He didn’t want to know what would happen if someone heard him.

'When did my life become some mellow-dramatic mess?'

A sigh so loud drew out from his lips that it vibrated throughout his body. He could feel every muscle twitch with the force of his own anguish. He rolled back his shoulders and relaxed them. For the first time he noticed how painless he physically felt.

'It worked,' He exhaled a breathy laugh and ran a hand through his brown locks. 'She really is the best of the best.'

You were not someone he expected to feel fondness for so early. He feared doctors with a passion, but he feared talking to others outside of Steve and Natasha more. It could have been anything really. Your kindness and understanding. The way the water carried his pain away. Or even the way your hands melted onto his warm skin.

'It could have been anything, really.'

He sighed, even louder than before this time.

His life really was a mellow-dramatic mess.

'I have to see her tomorrow too.'

Something about the sentence made his face grow hot. Not with embarrassment, or anger, or anxiety. There wasn’t an ounce of negativity in his face. He was excited, no, ecstatic, at the thought of you, of getting the chance to see you again.

'What the hell is this feeling?'

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gotlostonmywayhome · 2 years

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Welcome to my Masterlist!

I am a multi-shipper, so if you come here looking for my work for one particular couple, this is sorted by ship! Life willing this will update once a month. If the updated date is a few months back, you can just poke me with a sharp stick and ask what's up. (Updated 9/6/2024)

Feel free to like, kudos, comment, reblog, etc. Interactions give us creators life and motivation to keep going.

You can find the majority of my work on AO3 though I have been known to sneak in a moodboard on Tumblr every once in a while

Marvel Fan works:

Clint Barton/Phil Coulson Masterlist

Clint Barton/Bucky Barnes Masterlist

Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers Masterlist

Steve Rogers/Tony Stark Masterlist

Bucky Barnes/Sam Wilson Masterlist

Bucky Barnes/Tony Stark Masterlist

Bucky Barnes/Natasha Romanoff Masterlist

Loki/Tony Stark Masterlist

Tony Stark/Thor Masterlist

Random Marvel Pairings Masterlist

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geeky-writes · 7 months

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It’s that time again! I am offering up an auction for Fandom Trumps Hate @fandomtrumpshate . Bidding has already begun, and runs through March 9th.

What I’m offering:

Fanfic from one of the following fandoms:

1. Marvel Cinematic Universe: ships Tony/Steve + Peter (Stony/Superfamily), Bucky/Natasha (BuckyNat, WinterWidow), Peter/Gwen (either MCU or TASM universe).

2. Star Wars: ships Anakin/Padme, Anakin & Obi-Wan, Kanan & Ezra, Cassian/Jyn

3. The Hunger Games: ship Peeta/Katniss (Everlark)

You can find my auction HERE 💙

My past FTH works:

FTH 2021: Fire Beats Roses - Everlark arranged marriage AU

FTH 2022: Wildest Dreams - Everlark in-Panem AU

FTH 2022: Across the Worlds - Anidala AU

FTH: 2023: The Greatest War - Everlark in-Panem AU

Feel free to DM me with any questions or possible prompts! Happy bidding! 💙

#fandom trumps hate #fth 2024 #geeky writes #everlark fanfiction #anidala fanfiction #stony fanfiction #superfamily fanfiction #petergwen fanfiction #space dad fanfiction

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ao3feed-sambucky · 11 months

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Saturn -Stony Angst but with a Happy Ending-

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/wWJ2qRC by KillerLecterGraham Just a sad fanfic of my Stony ship at the end of the Avenger: Endgame movie. Where Steve travels to the "past" (but here I'm going to live in an alternative reality) and then he came back 5 seconds later, but he lived there a whole life and then he became old. But here I am going to make Steve stay living in that "reality" since he deserved to be happy with Tony. Words: 1527, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Fandoms: The Avengers (Marvel Movies) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: M/M Characters: Thanos, Tony Stark, Thor, Loki, Steve Rogers, Bruce Banner, James "Bucky" Barnes, Sam Wilson, Everett Ross, Stephen Strange, Peter Parker, Wade Wilson, Pepper Potts, Peter Benjamin Rogers-Stark, Morgan Rogers-Stark, Harley Rogers-Stark Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Peter Parker(Tom Holland)/Wade Wilson, Loki/Thor (Marvel), James "Bucky" Barnes/Sam Wilson, Everett Ross/Stephen Strange, Past-Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Harley Keener & Peter Parker & Pepper Potts & Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe) & Tony Stark Additional Tags: time-travel, Alternate Universe, Post-Break Up, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post Mpreg, Pepper Potts & Tony Stark Friendship, Harley Keener & Peter Parker & Morgan Stark are Siblings, Steve Rogers Loves Tony Stark, Tony Stark Loves Steve Rogers, Hurt Steve Rogers, Angst with a Happy Ending, Superfamily, Tony can have children read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/wWJ2qRC

#Bucky #Captain America #Winter Soldier #Sam Wilson #James Barnes #Falcon #SamBucky #BuckySam #IFTTT #ao3feed

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terrasilvershade · 5 years

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Chapters: 2/? Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe Rating: Not Rated Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark Characters: Steve Rogers, Tony Stark, Natasha Romanov (Marvel), Clint Barton, Bruce Banner, Secretary Ross, Pepper Potts, Peter Parker Additional Tags: Superhusbands, Superfamily, Mpreg, dont question it, Blood and Injury, Medical Inaccuracies, Anxiety Attacks, Tony Stark Still Has Arc Reactor, Angst and Fluff, mostly angst, Stony - Freeform, Parent Tony Stark, theres swearing Summary:

Tony's life changed forever when he discovered he was carrying his and Steve's child

#stony superfamily #stony superfamily fanfic #superhusbands #steve rogers #stevetony #tony stark #dad tony stark

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starshades-grace · 2 years

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Read on AO3

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Way More Than That

"Tony?"

Steve's drained voice echoed in the hallway of the workshop which was in the midst of being remodelled, following the events of Ultron. He sighed at the lack of response and allowed himself to lean against the sidewall and close his eyes momentarily, feeling extremely worn out. God, he was so tired. Maybe it was the post-battle rush fading away as the weight of their actions fell upon him, or just the fact that the silence in the tower echoed the emptiness in his heart. It was understandable -- the rest of the team moving in the new facility, it made sense. They would still, more often than not, be at the tower to visit and Steve was pretty sure atleast one of them would be staying over all the time. It was okay.

And yet, he resented the change. Fuck, so many things had changed. Ultron. Wanda. Pietro. Sokovia. He let out a gasping shuddering breath, remembring the floating city falling down to its demise. He remembered how he had almost accepted it -- looking at that beautiful of a view was certainly not that bad of a way to die; he could think of worse scenarios. But it seemed that for the first time in forever, he didn't want to die in a mission. The fact that it scared him seemed so foreign. No. He didn't want to die. He wanted to live. Things had been going so good - they had Peter now, he had a son. He wanted to be there for him to grow up and be there for his first dance and send off to college as he would hug a misty-eyed Tony who would probably be way too emotional for his own good --

Tony.

He pushed himself from the wall and moved into the lab, the aforementioned lack of response worrying him. It seemed like that's all he was doing nowadays. Worrying about Tony. How could he not? Things had been so rocky between them lately and they hadn't had any chance to talk it out, not as Captain America and Iron Man but as Tony and Steve.

It hurt even more cause he knew Tony was avoiding him.

Granted, it just had been a couple of weeks since Sokovia and they were still in being-the-world's-mightiest-heroes- mode. Dealing with Goverments, dealing with post-war damage, dealing with press. He had to only issue a statement as to what went down in Sokovia but it was Tony who was constantly running around, taking all the hits for them as Fury had said "you are the public figure, you built something, you deal with it." (Steve wasn't the one to punch Directors but honest to God, he really came close with that one.) Throughout all this, whenever Steve would try to hold a conversation with Tony, to touch him, to hold him; there was always some late meeting that Tony had to run to and when he couldn't get away with excuses, he would freeze up and just stare as if comprehending what Steve was gonna do.

And it sure as fuck hurt a hell lot knowing Tony didn't trust himself with Steve.

The familiar smell of metal and alcohol hit him and he scrunched his nose in anticipation because it was so clear. Tony had broken his streak. He ignored the heavy feeling in his chest beneath his white tee as he looked around the messy lab. His gaze settled onto the mass bending down on one end of the couch and his eyes softened. Tony was fumbling with some wires but Steve knew that it wasn't something that needed attending to. Through the years they had been together, Steve had been captivated by the way Tony treated his tech. Sometimes when Tony would be working, Steve would just observe him and would chastize himself for ever thinking that Tony was like Howard.

Howard always treated his tech as its master; demanding and dominating. Tony, on the other hand, for him was always so gentle, always so precious. The genius's mind was always working and Steve was sure Tony could turn anything into an impressive device. His tech from his knowledge, if anything, was never beneath him.

Steve approached him carefully, wary not to startle the man unnecessarily and stopped in front of him. "Tones."

The genius's hands continued to fumble absentmindedly with the mess of wires and Steve's heart dropped at the unacknowledgement. Something was wrong. So wrong.

"Honey," He continued gently, crouching beside him, "Tony." And yet, the brunette didn't look at him. Instead, Steve's eyes fell down at how terribly his arms were shaking and oh god, when was the last time he saw Tony eat something? "Hey, hey, love, look-" He heard Tony inhale sharply, still focused on the irrelevant project in his hands and his heart clenched. He held his husband's face between his hands, gently forcing Tony's gaze at him. "Sweetheart, look at me."

Steve stopped breathing for a moment.

Because fuck, fuck, Tony looked so-- so broken. His face had lost all of its usual charm, looking thin and malnourished. His hair were messed up and Steve could almost imagine the way the genius must have pulled at his repeatedly. The white of his brown eyes was tainted with red and the lack of sleep was so apparent that Steve's chest tightened with worry.

"Steve," Tony started out in surprise, almost as if he was only now aware of his arrival, "You are here."

He took a deep breath, holding Tony's shaking hands between his as he stated, his voice firm and gentle, "I am here."

"You are--You are here. With me."

Steve had to literally restrain himself from not pushing Tony against his chest and never let him go because the way Tony said it made Steve think that his husband believed that the blond would never return. "I told you I would be back in a couple of days, didn't I?" He managed to say, holding the shorter man up by his elbows as they stumbled to stand on their feet. "I just had some work to do at the new facility. And now I am back here. With you."

"Steve, Steve, Stevie," A lazy grin painted across his face and Steve tried to ignore the way Tony was slurring on his words as the genius pushed his face in Steve's chest. "I missed you."

Steve felt the familiar tug of tension in his throat. He knew an upcoming breakdown when he saw one. And the way Tony was basically clinging to his body, almost as if begging for some form of contact made the wave of guilt crash in full force because Steve couldn't even remember the last time he had told Tony that he loved him. He allowed himself to say, wrapping his arms around the smaller man, "I missed you too, love."

He felt the familiar brush of lips against his jaw and fuck, apparently Steve couldn't remember anything because he also didn't know when was the last time that they kissed. Tony spoke up, murmuring against Steve's chest, "You- you are back. And we are here. And--and where's Peter? Where's my boy, Steve? I need my boy."

Steve's heart clenched. "He's at Laura and Clint's, remember? We thought it would be a good idea to have him there till stuff got sorted out." Tony backed up from his chest, frowning as if he didn't remember talking to Steve about it. Then, he stumbled which made Steve curse as he leaned forward to hold him, "Jesus-- Tony, how much did you drink?"

"I-I don't know," Tony mumbled, letting out a weak chuckle as he allowed Steve to lead them out the workshop, "Lost count. JARVIS would know. J? J, how much did I--"

He stopped short and Steve hated how Tony went still in his arms, the bitter reminder washing upon them again and again. His husband's eyes were spaced out and Steve inhaled a sharp breath before murmuring out, "FRIDAY?"

"Boss had eleven glasses of scotch, two bottles of beer and four cigarettes."

He expected Tony to say something-- a snarky remark about how FRIDAY was betraying him by ratting him out or an unnecessary flirty comment about how Steve was worrying about him. But he stayed silent in his arms as Steve led them towards their bedroom.

"Tony," He couldn't help the annoyance that brushed off in his tone, "You know you have a heart condition, right? Do you want your liver to fail?"

The silence stretched and Steve regretted the words that had left his mouth as Tony dipped his head down, not willing to meet his eyes. He opened his mouth to apologize but Tony said, his voice so quiet that Steve almost didn't hear it, "I kinda wish it would."

Steve let out a shuddering breath at the confession and he felt the familiar sting of tears in his eyes because how the fuck did they get here? Him barely holding himself together as he led a drunk off his ass Tony who just indirectly admitted he wanted to off himself. How did they get here?

"You don't mean that," He whispered quietly against his lover's forehead, pressing a light kiss and chose to ignore the way Tony flinched cause no, Steve was not going to cry. Not right now. They were going to be okay. He kept reminding himself. They had no other choice. They were going to be fine.

"Captain, might I add, Boss has also not eaten anything in the past thirty-seven hours and has not slept since last four days despite my constant reminders."

The door to their bedroom slid open gently and Steve entered, a tense and stumbling Tony leaning against him as the super soldier held his weight up. Their bed looked like it hadn't been slept in for days-- infact, the whole room looked untouched. Steve hated how there was no familiar scent of Tony's cologne in the room or how his own clothes weren't thrown across that chair in the corner. It seemed... foreign. It didn't feel home.

He ignored the unsettling feeling as he lowered Tony down, the corner of the bed dipping with their weight. The brunette laid across at once, the exhaustion visible in his fatigue form while Steve took off his watch, placing it gently on their bedside table. His eyes settled onto their wedding photo that resided there -- Tony in a grey suit standing on his tip toes to meet Steve's lips halfway, who funnily enough had a small pink flower held behind his right ear. It was one of the best moments of his life.

Because for that moment, everything made sense and nothing seemed like it had been in vain. For that moment of utter happiness and bliss and peace, the fact that he had spent seventy years in ice or that he had once lost everybody he loved or that he woke up to see that the world still needed saving-- everything seemed like it was worth it. Tony was worth all of it. He always would be.

He gazed down at his husband whose small figure was folded onto itself against the white sheets, his eyes still spaced out as the brown orbs stared at the far right corner of the room. Steve sighed, gently running his fingers across his scalp before he bent down to press a kiss and murmured, "I will be back in a minute."

Tony's eyes flickered to his and his mouth twisted into a displeased frown. "Where are you going?"

"Well, someone has to feed you, right?" Steve managed to pass a small smile before standing up from the edge of the bed, "Sandwich sounds okay?"

The familiar grasp at his left wrist tugged him down, preventing him from getting up as he turned his head back in confusion at the intervention. Tony was balancing his weight on one elbow, his other one holding Steve's wrist. His hair fell back, messed up against the motion as he sat there, biting his lower lip, his eyes still not focusing on Steve. Eyes that were full off uncertainty and hesitance.

His voice came out small, "Stay."

Steve faltered. "I am not going anywhere, honey. You haven't eaten anything and I can't let you go to sleep drunk on an empty stomach."

His husband visibly deflated, his hand falling dead weight against the linen sheets. He clenched his eyes shut, the pain visible as his face contorted into a frown. It reminded him of those days. The days early in their relationship-- when they pretended they were just friends but not quite-- when Steve wasn't aware of Tony's trauma and there were walls he could never get past through. It took him time to learn certain things - why Tony hated going swimming in pools or why sometimes a bombing in a movie would make him have a panic attack. Afghanistan was the answer to a lot of things, he assumed but there were so many that he yet didn't understand about the man he was falling in love with. The audible quavering sigh that escaped Tony's lips made Steve's chest seize in panic. The way Tony was clinging onto him wasn't his usual cute way -- when Steve would have to unwrap a koala Tony from his arms with ten different versions of "I will be back before you know it", "Tony, for God's sake, get off me" or "You are really cute and I love you but you are being so annoying". No. This wasn't that. This was a sad Tony clinging onto Steve as if the world would end if he didn't.

This whole situation was so not Tony that it actually scared Steve.

"Tony," The fear seeped through the crack of his voice, "What's wrong?"

The engineer sat up halfway, his hands wrapped around his abdomen with his head rested against his knees. His jaw visibly clenched as his knuckles tightened around themselves. Steve visibly frowned, going to hold his hands because god, didn't Tony see he was hurting himself with the cuticles of his nails digging in his palms? But before he could, the genius turned away and Steve's heart dropped to his stomach. Tony had never seemed so small.

"Tony, wha--"

"I can talk to Pepper if you want."

His voice didn't come out slurred, didn't waver with the amount of pain he was clearly feeling. Instead, it was stable, a scary calm as if he had practiced this a hundred times. Steve blinked in confusion. "What?"

Tony's eyes finally snapped up to his blue ones and for the first time since he had gotten together with Tony, Steve couldn't read what the genius was feeling. They both had a habit of lashing out, being stubborn, getting closed off but never it had been the vague indifference that was swimming in his husband's right now. Steve carefully sat down on the edge of the bed, urging Tony to continue who let out a small insecure shrug before continuing, "I mean, if you are hesitating or something. She could get the best lawyers and the media would be handled if that's what you are worr--"

"What are you talk--"

"But, well," He continued despite the interruption, the frantic movement of his hands giving away his dishevelled state of mind, "It's not like anybody would blame you for it. Fuck, even I get it. But-- but can I see Peter on the weekends? Like, I know it's too much to ask for and you have every right to say no. After all, you are getting the custody and-- don't worry, even if you don't, I will make sure you do. So, weekends? Like does that sound okay for you--"

"Tony," Steve cut him off, his blue eyes wide as his hands held a slight tremor as he got a sense of what Tony was proposing, "What on Earth are you talking about?"

The engineer pressed his lips into a thin line as their eyes met and there was nothing Steve wanted to do more than cross the distance between them and hold his husband cause Tony looked so defeated as he said, his voice quiet, "If you wanted to file for a divorce, I meant."

Steve felt the air knocked out of his lungs at the statement. Tony didn't stutter and it only made his assumption concrete that this was something that had been on the genius's mind for awhile. His tone sounded resigned as if the battle was already lost. Steve couldn't help but stutter, "Wha--? Why would I-- Tony, why would you even think that I wanted to divorce you?"

Tony kept fidgeting with the sleeves of his black tee, a clear sign of nervousness that was hid behind a wall of indifference as his voice came out empty, "I would get it. After everything-- Ultron, Sokovia, Pietro. I would get it if you wanted to--"

"Is that-- is that what this is about? Tony, I-- is that why you took off your wedding ring?" Steve had noticed the absence of the band as soon as he had held his husband's trembling hands back in the workshop. He had let it go back then, not wanting to look into situations that probably didn't make sense but now a sharp stinging pain claimed his throat as he considered the possibility that Tony thought Steve - Steve who was so irrevocably in love with him - wanted to divorce him. Was that it? Was he making Tony feel that unloved?

Tony nodded as a hollow chuckle left his chapped lips. "Almost-- almost took the dog tags off too. But couldn't-- I couldn't cause you gave them to-- to me after our first night and I just couldn't." He remembered that night. He cherished that night. People would assume that Tony being Tony Stark would jump into the bed with his boyfriend the first moment he got but it was anything but that. Contrary to popular belief, in their relationship Tony had been the hesitant one when it came to that cause he knew. He knew the moment he let himself go completely in his most vulnerable state would be the moment when he would fall in love head over heels for the amazing blond tall man. So, when it finally happened, it was slow and lovable and peaceful. It made sense as something deep inside both of them clicked. The warm glow of the following morning had induced tears in Steve's eyes cause he had never felt so happy as he stared at the naked brunette man cuddled up next to him. His dog tags were placed against his lover's olive skin that day and had never came off since.

Steve inhaled a sharp breath, trying to keep his voice from wobbling. He had to be the strong one right now. "Tony," He said gently, "I would never--"

"I can't do this," Tony whispered, his voice breaking in the middle. His hitherto calm and controlled tone slowly descended into a messy string of words and Steve could see the familiar outlining of tears in his husband's eyes. The brunette shook his head in dismal, his shaking hands clutching on the tips of his hair. "I-- I can't. I though I could but I can't, Steve."

Tony abruptly stood on his knees, moving forward as he closed the distance between them and placed a kiss on Steve's lips. The shock at the sudden touch wore off as Steve allowed him to process the messy and urgent and desparate kiss. The genius placed his head in the crook of Steve's neck and god, the way his whole body was shaking made Steve feel like he was dying a million deaths every single minute. Tony's frantic voice came out muffled as he said, "Don't leave me. I am sorry. I am sorry. I know, I know if I was a good man I would let you and Pete go but- but I am not. You guys deserve so much better than me. I am nothing but a selfish asshole and I can't live without you. I am sorry. I thought I could let you go but fuck, I can't. Please, don't leave me. Steve, I can't--"

"Tony." Steve choked out, his eyes burning with the sting of tears that threatened to fall. He felt the familiar damping of his shirt and the realisation struck him that Tony was crying. Steve's mind drifted back off to their first meeting when he had thought that Tony Stark just couldn't cry. He had never been so wrong about someone on the first meeting. He had seen Tony cry before -- whether it was a way too emotional Pixar movie or Peter's first day at school or another one of his terrible terrible nightmares. It was never easy.

"I am sorry, Steve. I am." He looked up at Steve, his movements frantic and desparate, "I am so sorry. I was just-- I was just trying to protect everyone. Ultron wasn't supposed to-- We are so screwed, Steve. There are things out there that we are not even ready for. I was just trying to protect you and Peter and everyone. You--" He shook his head, wiping his cheeks with the back of his hand, "You died in my arms, Steve. That's what I saw. You and Peter cause I wasn't doing enough. And I couldn't let that happen. I am not-- I am not evil, I swear. I just wanted to do one right thing and I fucked up cause that's what I do. That's what I have done all my fucking life--"

"Tony, honey, no--"

"You believe me, don't you? When I say that I am sorry. Cause I am, Steve," An unwilling sob left his lips and Steve's heart broke at the sight. "They all think I am this-- this monster. And I get it. People died because of me. Wanda was right. I don't know the difference between saving the world and destroying it. I didn't-- I never wanted to hurt anyone-- You believe me, right?"

He was-- oh god, he was begging. Steve's own tears left the brink of his eye because fuck, it hurt. It hurt so so bad to see the man he loved hate himself so much. "I believe you," He tightened his grip around his husband, pressing three frantic kisses across his forehead, "I know, Tony. I believe you. And they all do too, okay? The people still love you cause you saved so many lives--"

"That's cause they don't know I created Ultron," He snapped, struggling against Steve's assuring hold but in vain, "They just know it was a mistake involving alien tech and-- and they don't know. They hate me even though they don't know. Imagine them finding out-- you know what, tell them. That's what I deserve."

It had been a unanimous decision to not disclose to the public the actual story of how Ultron came into being. The story that was sold out was that the sceptre interacted itself with the AI present at the Stark Tower and Ultron was created. Tony hated the idea, it didn't make sense and more so, he hated hiding behind a cover up. But Fury was right. People were still hating on the Avengers, even though they didn't know the full story and if the truth got out, it would just be worse. The world needed the Avengers, irrespective of what PR stunt they had to hide behind.

"Listen to me," Steve's voice was stern as he held his husband's face between his hands, caressing his cheek with his thumb, "We fought together, Tony. Cause we are a team. So, we win together and if we lose, we do that together too. You are not the only one at fault. You didn't fuck up, we all did--"

"But-"

"Wanda messed with your head and let you take the sceptre because she knew. She planted the seed of fear and knew that it would drive you to depths. Bruce was the one who agreed to help you--"

"I forced him--"

"Is he not an adult? Mind I say an adult that can change into a raging green monster if he is forced to do something he doesn't want to?" He raised his eyebrown in anticipation silencing the man who just ducked his head, avoiding Steve's intense gaze. "And I should have known better too."

Tony's eyes snapped up. "What?"

"We fought," Steve said quietly, running the calluses of his thumb across Tony's collarbone, the guilt scratching at his throat, "When we got back the sceptre, you were acting different and I didn't get why and we just-- we fought." He didn't even remember what it was about. Maybe something about Tony acting closed off for no reason or the fact that not knowing enough about the Maximoff twins was getting on his nerves. He always knew he was a control freak and one thing escalated into another and then, they had a fight. He should have seen what was coming. "I should have known better."

"I hid it from you--"

"And even after that. I should have understood where you were coming from," He shook his head, disappointed in himself, "You had to deal with it alone. I am your husband, I should have been there for you more. Everyone was blaming you and- and Thor almost punched you. Even though, it wasn't only you. It was all of us."

"Steve," Tony whispered brokenly, his trembling hands wiping away Steve's damp cheeks inducing a small smile from the other man. "I wish I could believe you. But-- but I can't. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how I am supposed to-- to live after all this. I just can't keep doing this."

And that -- that, out of all the things said yet, that was what hurt the most because Tony was never the one who just said he can't.

Steve knew Tony had never been really fond of himself. They both had had those conversations about how it always seemed like there were things that they could have done more or things that they shouldn't have done. In their line of work, the concept of being enough was abstract. Hundreds of lives could be saved but there would always be that one lost. They knew this. But Steve had never seen Tony feeling so low about himself -- so hateful towards himself that he believed Steve was going to leave him.

"I am not leaving you, Tony," He said, his voice sternfully soft as he held the smaller man onto his lap, "We will get through this together. You can. We can. I know it seems like the world is closing in on you and everybody is out of reach but I promise I am there, love. I will always be there because I love you. Peter loves you." Tony hid his face once again in Steve's chest as Steve ran his fingertips lightly across the man's hair. "You are not a bad man, Tony. I really wish you would stop seeing yourself as one."

"I hate myself for all of it, Steve." It was whispered like a secret that would never see the light of the day. "Everything I did-- I just, I hate myself."

And Steve knew.

Steve knew this was one of those nights that they wouldn't speak of again. This was one of those nights that the world would never know about-- about how Tony Stark, the sassy, smiling, sarcastic genius was nothing but a broken man who regretted his decisions. Steve knew this was one of those nights where Tony was stripped bare of his walls. This was the Tony that no one would ever know, the Tony that only Steve was allowed to see.

Steve also knew there was no dearth of bleak promises in their world. Meaningless promises were made and broken but that night, as he held a shaking Tony in his arms, Steve promised himself that he would never let the man feel as if he was unloved, as if Steve would ever leave. He couldn't promise him a forever-- they both knew it didn't exist but Steve would be damned if the man he loved spent his life in fear that he was going to be abandoned. So, he held Tony tightly against his chest, every touch reassuring of the fact that they were together and alive as he whispered the following words, a promise that he would never break.

"And I will always love you way more than that."

#stony #stony angst #age of ultron #post age of Ultron #steve x tony #steve rogers #tony stark #mcucanon #superfamily #peter parker #wanda #hurt tony #ao3 fanfic #bruce #thor #marvel fandom #marvel cinematic universe

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sleeplessmidnight26 · 5 months

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Coming May 4, 2024

Bananas Practice Safe Sex

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Underage

Pairings: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Bucky Barnes/Sam Wilson

Other tags: Mpreg, Underage Masturbation, Awkward Sex Talk

Snippet:

Peter shifts in his seat, he’s gotten home from school. His final year of junior high seems to be going great. He sat down to join his papa in some channel surfing. Steve decided to stop on some show about fixing boats. Peter finds it boring until he feels uncomfortable with the feeling he’s getting in his stomach when the guys on the boat decide to take off their shirts.

“You okay?” Steve asks.

“Fine.” Peter mutters, shifting again to get himself comfortable. He grabs one of the pillows hugging it over his stomach while they get back to watching the show and he feels that feeling stirring again. Suddenly he can feel his pants getting tighter and his eyes go wide. He’d heard about this thing in health class. Too bad he was busy goofing off with Ned to listen. “I’ll be back.”

With that he tosses the pillow aside and rushes off to the bathroom as quick as he possibly can. Looking down to see the bulge in his pants, he can feel the heat rushing to his cheeks.

#ao3 fanfic #marvel #ao3 #fanfic #stony #steve rogers #tony stark #superhusbands #superfamily #peter parker #Funny Fic #ao3 writer #stony fic

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capsicle13 · 1 month

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Which fic would y’all like to see updated? These are the ones I’m working on the most.

1. Challenges

Summary: Steve and Tony are excited to be expecting their first child. But when Steve’s pregnancy becomes unexpectedly difficult, they realize their journey into parenthood is going to be a lot harder than they thought.

2: Hiding the Truth

Summary: Steve Rogers disappears in what many believe to track down someone from his past. The Avengers are not the same without their Captain and some begin to have their suspicions. Tony knows the truth. He knows where Steve really is. Steve is down in his basement.

3: Mistakes

Summary: With his marriage falling apart, Tony thinks starting a family with his wife would make things better. But when they struggle to conceive, they decide on a surrogate. Steve Rogers, a broke and aspiring artist, offers to carry their baby. Everything seems to be going well, until Tony falls hard for Steve.

4: Runaways

Summary: After Steve wakes up in a new world, he quickly realizes the people he thought he could trust are the same ones out to get him. With no one to trust and no where to go, he runs away to protect himself and his unborn child. He meets Tony, a grieving recluse that offers Steve a safe place and perhaps his forever home.

#stony #steve rogers #tony stark #stevetony #ao3 fanfic #mpreg steve rogers #mpreg fic #stony fan #stony fic #posted on ao3 #superfamily #ao3 #which one do you like #help me choose

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kandisheek · 3 months

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FIC REC WEEK 25 - KIDFIC

Hello, I love you, won't you tell me your name? by Perlmutt

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: G Words: 5,683 Tags: Police Officer Steve, Teacher Tony, Matchmaking

Summary: Peter has an existential crisis on his first day of kindergarten.

Reasons why I love it: Tony and Peter teaming up against Steve is so fricking cute, it makes my heart melt. I love the whole backstory with Peggy and how Tony became a kindergarten teacher, and Peter's matchmaking attempts are adorable. This fic is wonderful, and you should definitely read it!

I don't think there's a manual for this by itsallAvengers

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: T Words: 2,734 Tags: Domestic Fluff, Spider Powers, Family Feels

Summary: So. His son can stick to things, apparently. If only Tony had realised this before he'd caught him hanging off the 89th floor of the tower. Well. Parenting was never going to be a smooth road, was it?

Reasons why I love it: Jesus Christ, the entire concept of this fic is as hilarious as it is terrifying to think about. I feel Tony and Steve's reactions on a spiritual level, and Peter being completely oblivious to what he's putting them through makes the whole thing even funnier. I love this fic, and I hope you give it a shot for yourself!

I'll Be Your Bodyguard (If You'll Be My Security Blanket) by NarutoRox

Pairing: Tony/Bucky Rating: T Words: 4,993 Tags: De-Aged Bucky, Cuddling, Protective Bucky

Summary: When one of Loki's pranks gone wrong leaves the team with a young Winter Soldier in their care, they know they're going to have their hands full. Especially since this newer, tinier version of Bucky seems to have a bodyguard complex - and a particular attachment to Tony.

Reasons why I love it: Bucky the Tiny Bodyguard is the cutest thing ever. The poor Avengers have no idea what's coming for them. I love the family vibes, and the way that Bucky's feelings for Tony make themselves known even when he's back to being an adult is absolutely precious. This fic is wonderful, and you should definitely read it!

Bedside Manner by BladeoftheNebula

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: T Words: 1,472 Tags: Sickfic, Domestic Fluff, Hurt/Comfort

Summary: Peter had a bad case of cold, Tony took care of Peter but is now also sick himself. Steve now has to take care of his mate and baby who are both sick with the cold.

Reasons why I love it: Like father, like son at its finest. The dialogue in this is incredible, Neb really has a way with words that just puts the biggest smile on my face. This fic is adorable and heartwarming, and you should definitely give it a shot, if you haven't read it yet!

blanket forts and running shoes by Perlmutt

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: G Words: 6,743 Tags: Getting Together, Jealous Peter, PTSD

Summary: Peter is eight years old. He loves Pokémon, pancakes, and blanket forts. His favorite pastime is helping his dad in his workshop. He might not have a mom, but that's okay. He's got his dad after all. But then Tony brings him home. Steve. Steve is nice. He can cook. He makes his dad laugh. Peter decides that he will not like him. He won't allow this Steve-guy to steal his dad. Steve and Tony didn't get that memo.

Reasons why I love it: Oh my god, Peter taking care of Steve like that after he's tried his best to dislike him? My heart is a puddle of goo on the floor, that's so fucking adorable. I love the way Peter slowly but surely warms up to Steve, and the ending is just perfect. This fic is amazing, definitely give it a shot if you haven't already!

#marvel #stony #winteriron #superfamily #fanfic #a year in fanfic recs #fic rec #fanfic rec #fanfiction recommendation

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peteypiessuperfamily · 1 year

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I’m going to go bonkers if I can’t find this fic pls help-

What is that one Stony fic where Peter is Tony’s biological child but Tony isn’t apart of his life so he gets horrifically drunk on Peter’s birthday every year.

IF YOU KNOW PLS HELP I NEED IT

#iron man #stony #tony stark #stevetony #peter parker #superfamily #fanfic #fanfiction #ao3fic #ao3 #captain america #spider son #irondad #this will drive me insane

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emberedroses · 9 months

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Hands That Heal [Bucky x Reader]: Chapter 1

Masterlist | Prologue

Summary: You're the Avengers newest all-star Medic. Your life changes when you meet the infamous Bucky Barnes, who is unlike any veteran you've met before in your career.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Doctor!Reader

Word Count: 3.4k

!! Warning: 18+; Minors !!

Chapter Warning: Mentions of anxiety and negative self-talk.

An Ache for a Cure

Bucky is many things. The Winter Soldier. An Avenger. Redemption incarnated.

'Physically injured person' was the last thing he wanted to put on that list.

It literally cost him an arm for his body to be durable. All that suffering meant never having to succumb to the feeling of helplessness and injuries ever again. In his mind, as twisted as it may sound, it was a cruel bonus that came with living in this new reality.

This week, Bucky learned he was not as invincible as he thought.

Though he wished for any explanation other than 'injured,' there was no denying what the throbbing pain in his back was other than an injury. To say that the famed Winter Soldier wasn't a bit concerned would be an understatement. After all, he hadn't had to nurse an ache this bad since the forties.

'A mission that simple should not have left me this fucked.'

Recalling the memory of the situation made the pain ignite all over again. The body never forgives what happens to it. Bucky had learned that the hard way.

He exhaled softly. His mind dwindled back to the mission five agonizing days ago. The strain in his body could not forget the feeling of hitting the floor from what could have been hundreds of feet up.

'It was supposed to be easy.' A sour taste formed in his mouth. 'Why did that have to be the thing to take me out like this?'

Jumping out of that helicopter to take out some pesky guards on the roof was nothing he hadn't done before. He had pulled more dangerous stunts during his deployment in the Army. What he didn't expect, however, was the rigged bombs to hit him the moment he touched the rooftop.

His eyes winced. The helplessness engulfed his mind all over again.

Falling.

Falling who knows how many feet down.

He remembers clearly the one question on his mind: "Is the last thing I see going to be the floor or the sky?"

'It all happened so fast,' He wanted to whisper. He was so entranced with his own memories he couldn't move his mouth to say anything. 'I couldn't have done anything.'

His heart pressed heavily against his chest. The air caught in his throat. It felt like a pair of someone's hands were choking him to sit still in place.

'Remember,' It whispered. 'Why couldn't you save yourself?'

Bucky wishes he could forget the way he tried with everything he had to cling onto the side of the building, only to fail. The feeling of anxiousness of knowing what comes next still haunts him. Still, Bucky considers himself lucky that in his moment of panic, he was able to think quickly enough to roll onto his left shoulder. His metal arm cushioned the otherwise hard blow. Still, nothing would have been enough to stop all the pain he's in.

'Why couldn't you save yourself?' The voice repeated. Bucky couldn't move to shake his head in protest. He felt like he would break apart if he escaped its grasp. 'Since when did you become so weak?'

'Since when did I become so weak?'

Bucky knew there was no voice. Nor hands holding him. His anxious mind convinces him this is the doing of someone else. In the end, it is he who tortures his own self.

'Get through the morning. It can't be that hard.'

His injury had other plans. The sharp pain ran from his left shoulder blade down toward his lower back. He pitied himself for not being able to 'walk it off' like usual. Which made mornings like this more frustrating than normal.

'It hurts like all hell,' Bucky felt the thought echo through his pained vessel of a body. He rolled his left shoulder. It didn't alleviate any of the pulsating aches in his muscles. 'How much longer do I have to wait this out?'

"Bucky," A tap to his right shoulder jolted him out of his trance. "Milk or creamer?"

"Huh?"

Bucky blinked up at Steve, who tilted his head and lightly chuckled.

"For your coffee?"

"Oh, sorry, " Bucky breathed out. His eyes bounced around the room, and his face warmed a bit when he realized everyone had a mug in their hand except for him. Even Steve had a full mug for himself next to the coffee machine. "Just two sugars is fine, thanks."

Steve nodded and turned his attention back to the counter. The earthy smell of the coffee filled his nose and melted away the anxious sigh stuck in his throat.

'I have to stop spacing out like this before Steve notices,' Bucky adjusted himself in his seat for what could have been the one-hundredth time that morning. 'But I can barely keep still without something hurting.'

"You alright there, Buck?"

A cup of hot coffee was placed in front of him. He eyed the steam for a moment. He found tranquility in the white whisps floating above the dark brown liquid.

'Maybe a sauna would help me relax my muscles?'

"Bucky?" The blond raised his brow, practically staring Bucky down for answers. In response, the brunette continued staring at the cup before him. "Are you okay?"

"Hm?" Bucky silently thanked Steve for making him the drink and took a sip. The warm and bitter-sweet coffee soothed his otherwise aching body. "Yeah, m'fine."

"You don't seem 'm'fine'"

Bucky looked at Steve, begging him with his eyes to drop the conversation. But with the way Steve had his arms crossed, he knew he was far from dropping anything.

'It's that dad instinct in him, isn't it?'

"You've been squirming all morning."

Bucky took another sip of his coffee. He was far too tired to be dealing with Steve's overprotectiveness at the moment.

"And?"

"And?" Steve's stern voice boomed through the quiet kitchen. Tony and Nat could only sip from the contents of their mugs and eye each other across the room. Everyone, including Bucky, could feel a friendly argument arising. "That's not normal."

"Not to be rude, Tinman, but you've been acting like you have something shoved up your a-"

"Tony," Steve interrupted. In return, Tony flashed his husband a playful smirk. "Please, it's just turned eight."

"Excuse me, dearest, but it's never too early to say ass."

"I'm going to ignore you saying that so I can start my morning off right," Steve pinched the bridge of his nose, earning a snicker from Tony. Bucky watched Nat hide her smile by sipping her coffee, but Bucky knew better than to crack even the slightest smirk. He didn't want to deal with Steve's fuming later. "In all seriousness, you've been readjusting your back since you've sat down. Is it because of what happened on your last mission?"

Bucky stayed silent. He took another long sip of his coffee, not caring about how hot it was. It didn't matter if he downed the entire cup. The silence won't save him from Steve's questions.

It seemed like only yesterday, the roles would have been reversed. If he even saw a bruise on his scrawny little friend, he would have gladly dropped him off at a medic and watched as they provided him the care he was entitled to as an armed soldier. Maybe even rough up the person who dared mess around with him.

Now?

Bucky feels too cowardly to admit to a backache. Hell, it took him a good two days to admit it to himself. How could he say that to Steve? The one person who was able to bring him out of his trance?

He was right. He had become weak. But he could never let anyone know that, let alone Steve.

"I have a teenager at home, I know a 'yes' when I see one."

'Of course he does.'

"Nothing gets by you, does it?"

Bucky smiled sarcastically. Steve leaned against the counter behind him, his arms still crossed. To Bucky's dismay, he wasn't smiling back.

"No, unfortunately."

"You should worry more about your coffee getting cold," Bucky took a last big gulp of his drink before getting up to wash his mug. He stood facing away from the other three in the room. He heard the sound of a drawer open and close from behind him as he turned on the water. He could feel the warmth sizzle against his skin. The thought of a sauna came across his mind again, and he smiled to himself. "But I really am-"

'SNAP.'

Whatever hit his central back brought upon a huge wave of pain. To add insult to injury, the mug he was rinsing off broke in his hand. The only thing he had to be thankful for was that the white porcelain fragments littering the sink didn't knick him. He slammed his hand down to grip the front of the sink as he turned around to face the three.

"What the f-?!" The culprit's face was as smug and all-knowing as ever. "TONY?!"

"Calm down, old man, it was a rubber band."

Bucky's face warmed up with annoyance and aggravation. Though Steve gave him a look, he didn't say anything to the man who had flung a rubber band into his back.

"Steve!" Bucky extended his arm and gestured towards Tony. "Say something to him!"

"Tony, why did you fling a rubber band at Bucky?"

"Clearly to prove that his back was hurting," Tony looked Bucky up and down before scoffing quietly. "Aren't you a little too old to only now be having a bad back?"

"Can you please say sorry to him?"

"I'm sorry your back is hurting, pal," Steve looked at Tony to continue; the shorter man sighed and approached Bucky, who still had his hand tightly gripping the sink. It surprised him when he put his hand on his left shoulder. "Look, if you want whatever pain you're going through to go away, you can see the new medic on base."

'New medic? Since when did we get a new person on base?'

"Tony, that's not an apology."

"Yes, it was; I even threw in some empathy and advice in there; what more do you want from me?"

Bucky could only look on, unamused. He knew Tony would rather jump off a cliff before apologizing to anyone, especially to him. It was no secret between them that their tolerance of one another was built upon their love for Steve. To Bucky, Steve was his blood brother, and thankfully, the feeling was so mutual that his son knows him as 'Uncle Bucky.'

The resentment mostly boiled down to the fact that, whether he was all there or not, he was responsible for the death of his parents. Bucky understood that it must be hard having to be cordial with the man who killed his parents. But at the same time, how could Tony be blind to the fact that he never asked to be a vessel for HYDRA's wrongdoing?

'Wait, Tony wants me to see a doctor?'

The proposal was so unlike Tony's character. He was used to his sarcasm and his selfish remarks, but rarely did he ever show 'empathy' toward him.

Steve looked just as fed up with the situation as Natasha did. The three men were so invested in their conversation with one another that they practically forgot that Nat was still observing them.

"Geez," Steve looked just as fed up with the situation as Natasha did. Bucky was so invested in his conversation with the two that he forgot Nat was still observing them. "Can we not have peaceful mornings anymore?"

"Not in this tower," Natasha laughed as she walked over to the coffee machine and picked up the entire glass pot. "I'll be in Bruce's lab. Feel free to continue whatever is happening here without me."

Bucky awkwardly waved Natasha off as the rest softly bidded her goodbye.

"Since when did we get a new medic?"

"Right, you and the some of the others were on mission when Dr. Delmar was introduced. They're," Steve's voice trailed off, and he turned to Tony for assistance as he shrugged. "well?"

"A different kind of doctor from what we have on base."

Bucky's eyebrows raised, unimpressed.

"Different?"

"They're a physiotherapist, and I have them on staff for post-mission injuries that do not require emergency treatment. Such as sprains, aches, broken bones, stuff that doesn't involve getting stitched up or undergoing surgery."

'Why would I go see a physical therapist for a backache?'

"Nat was one of their first patients. Remember when she got her ribs broken?" Bucky nodded. He wasn't there when it happened, but from what Steve told him, she was in pretty bad shape. "She was up and back on her feet the next day, like nothing happened."

'She's just about as scared as doctors as I am. If she was okay with it, maybe it won't be so bad?'

Bucky still couldn't shake off the feelings of anxiety that came with doctors. The idea of being strapped down and pricked and prodded like an object reminded him too much of HYDRA.

"Yep, Dr. Delmar is really good at what they do, which is why I hired them when I did."

"I'm not sure. Doctors and I don't partially mix well."

Bucky still couldn't shake off the feelings of anxiety that came with doctors. The idea of being strapped down and pricked at like an object reminded him too much of HYDRA.

"I don't employ just anyone off the side of the road, Tinman. If you're under Stark Industries, they're the best in the business."

'There he is. I knew he was holding one in for me,' Bucky pursed his lips at the semi-insulting remark. He nervously tucked some of his brown strands behind his ear, finally lifting his hand off the sink. He turned his attention to the mess he had made and wanted to sigh at how much of a pain it would be to clean up. 'Maybe Steve's right. What if it isn't that bad?'

A part of Bucky hated how anxious he had become post-HYDRA. Back in the forties, Bucky was the pinnacle of confidence. He had it all. The guts got him into the Army in the first place, and the glory got him all the girls he could dream of. He is but a shell of that self now. But the apprehension is the only thing that keeps him sane.

'But, then what if it is?'

"There's no harm in getting checked out," Steve interjected. "Worst-case scenario, you pulled something and you'll have to take it slow for the next few days. But you won't know if you don't go and see someone."

Bucky slowly nodded at Steve's reply. He didn't even avert his eyes to look at him.

'What if I'm overreacting and I don't need to seek care? I won't be able to show my face in their office again.' Bucky readjusted his back again. The pain wasn't utterly unbearable as the first few days, but it was irritating him beyond belief. He let out a shaky exhale that only made the pain more intense. 'Or, what if it's something worse? Something the doctors can't even help me with? What will happen to me then? Is there even a cure for something like me?'

"There he goes again," Bucky shot Tony an annoyed look. He was too busy sipping his coffee to pay attention to his reaction. Then again, it wasn't like he would care if Bucky gave him a dirty look. They both know they exchange worse gestures with each other on a daily. "We can't force you to do anything, but just so you know, what she does works. Steve and I shadowed them for a bit to ensure they would be a good fit for everyone on the team."

Steve nodded in agreement.

"Dr. Delmar is a sweetheart, Buck. You'll be in good hands."

"Maybe."

"Maybe, he says," Tony snickered as he took another sip of his coffee. "Though, if you do decide to go, which is highly advised, might I add, the healing process you will undergo is-"

"It can be a bit intense, Buck. I've seen it, and it will be unlike anything you have experienced, but it works. That's what ultimately matters in the end."

The look Steve gave Bucky as he spoke unsettled him. Being so stern was so out-of-character for the capitan he knew that he should take his word as nothing short of fact.

'Seems to me that they might not all be that 'sweet'.' Bucky can feel his heart speed up a little. 'Still, what the hell do they plan to do to me that has Steve giving me that kind of ominous warning?'

Tony cleared his throat, and the attention in the room geared toward him.

"Before I was rudely interrupted. Dr. Delmar's treatments differ from the traditional methods you would get with our current medical staff. Trust me, it isn't as terrifying as he makes it out to be."

"I figured it would ease you a bit by being more upfront about it than technical."

"I appreciate it."

Bucky couldn't help but feel weak. How couldn't he? He never needed to be 'eased in' by anyone before. Even Steve's reassurances that 'he has never felt sorry for him' get harder to believe when he does things like 'baby proof' his words.

'It gets so confusing, things like these. I feel afraid, but I don't want Steve to know that. I don't want him to constantly feel the need to be responsible for my own security.'

"Here," Steve gently grabbed Bucky by his his injured arm, leading him away from the sink. Bucky followed the pace of the pull and took a few steps forward as he went back to the other end of the counter. "Let me clean this up for you, and you can think about what you want to do. Sounds good?"

Bucky could only nod. He whispered a quiet 'thank you' to Steve as he walked towards the elevator. The soft patter of his boots filled the room. It was tranquil for those few seconds and Bucky's mind began to wonder onto what decision he wanted to make. That was until he heard Tony clear his throat for the second time. Bucky froze up before turning around to face the two. Steve was too busy picking out the shards to pay any mind to the conversation between them.

"If you decide to go, Delmar's office is on the third floor at the end of the hall. You'll know when you see it."

Bucky pursed his lips, trying to muster a smile. But he wanted nothing more than to dart into the elevator before Tony cleared his throat for the third time.

"I'll see."

Bucky made his way to the elevator and nearly celebrated when the doors opened, revealing it to be empty. He scurred inside and didn't bother to look at either Steve or Tony. As the doors closed, he collapsed against the walls and nearly sighed in relief.

'Glad that is over with,' Bucky rubbed his chest. It was a self-soothing habit he'd had since breaking free from HYDRA and, ironically, one that he had picked up from Tony. 'Do I even want to bother going to this mission briefing?'

Bucky looked at the panel of buttons. His eye fixated on the bottom row.

'Third floor at the end of the hall,' Tony's words repeated themselves in his head. He has ignored every face, remark, and gesture the man has made toward him for years. Bucky found his own desperation annoying. 'Well, at least Steve is right. It doesn't hurt to get checked out.'

Bucky softly pressed the silver 'three' button, and the elevator dinged in response. He exhaled heavily as he felt his body ascending down towards the bottom of the tower.

'It won't be that bad. Steve wouldn't lie to you.'

The elevator dinged again, and Bucky felt his heart rate pick up. He rubbed his chest again until the doors opened back up, and he quickly moved his hand away in fear someone would see him.

As Tony had said, he couldn't miss the brightly lit white opening at the end of the hallway.

Bucky could smell salt and mint in the air while walking up. The soft, white lights gleamed on his face. Taking in the scenic office, he only had one thing on his mind: 'I could only hope it won't be as bad as I think.'

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