#stirers

[pilfappreciator]

Part 1 | Part 2

WAKE UP BABES!! DINNER IS SERVED!!!

Bruce/Brandi x Reader: part 2

Includes: GN! Reader, Vacay Lovers, polyamory, relationship headcanons, slight Bruce Jr. slander

💜 These two took things slow when they were wooing you, you better BELIEVE they're gonna do the same once you've actually been bagged

🧡 I MEAN DON'T GET ME WRONG!! They're not any less passionate about you or anything, but like... c'mon. They're middle-aged, run a full time business and are married with kids. They've got a lot on their hands already so chances are they're not immediatly urging you to move in with them or just straight up sign marriage documents (sorry to disappoint u_u)

💜 But like I said: this doesn't mean they're not good lovers

🧡 In fact I'd say in my entirely unbiased opinion that they'd make fantastic lovers! Wonderful! Superb, even!

💜 So naturally, once you find yourself added to the relationship? Expect all that supportive energy thrown your way too lol

🧡 No matter what endeavor you choose to pursue, rest easy knowing you'll have your own personal cheerleaders having your back at all times. You got a hobby you're really into? SAY LESS BABES!! Gift-giving is Brandi's love language so you bet your ass she's buying you everything you could possibly need. Wanna pursue some form of higher education, maybe get some fancy degree? BOOM, you've just signed yourself up for study sessions with Bruce

💜 (I mean like... he might not be much help if you're studying for something shmancy like law or medicine, but he will happily hold and read out flashcards for you :3)

🧡 Or maybe you just wanna help out around Vacay Island which? Yes hello they would love that??

💜 Running a business is no easy feat so the couple definitely welcome the extra set of hands (paws??). If you're more social and outgoing then chances are you're out on the front lines with Bruce, taking orders for food, welcoming guests and getting them settled in, leading activites like volleyball or the weekly shuffleboard tournament, etc.

🧡 Obviously if you'd rather remain behind the scenes, you're more than welcome to join Brandi on her end of things. Making food, booking guests into their rooms, keeping track of all the finances, etc.

💜 Maybe you're crap with spreadsheets and numbers and just wanna like... keep her company while she works at her desk? Grab her some refreshments every now and then?? Maybe even offer a shoulder massage once you've noticed she's been hunched over for too long???

🧡 I swear this woman will cherish you forever

💜 Whether you're another troll like Bruce or a fellow Vacationer like Brandi, the way you spend time with either of these two can differ

🧡 If you're on the smaller side? Bruce just enjoys getting to hold your hand while walking alongside you on the beach. The man spends pretty much all his time around literal giants and it can get a little overwhelming sometimes, so he can definitely appreciate having someone around who's more on his level (hehe). Brandi on the other hand just thinks your small size is cute! Hands down one of her favorite things is when either you or Bruce (OR BOTH) just like? Casually hitch a ride on her shoulder?? Or she'll hold you both in the palm of of her hand and just go "omigosh it's totally like holding a couple of grapes haha :D"

💜 Reader POV: Ah yes. Me, my boyfriend, and our giant girlfriend/wife

🧡 On the flipside, if you're closer to Brandi's size? This woman is taking every available opportunity to take full advantage of the fact. She's laying kisses all over your face, running her fingers through your hair, cuddling with you after a long day of work, etc etc. Technically speaking she COULD (and DOES) do all this regardless of how big/small you are... but at the same time it's just soooo much easier when she doesn't have to constantly watch herself so she doesn't accidentally crush you ://

💜 Meanwhile Bruce is just like "if either of you DO crush me... you won't hear any complaints from my end, just sayin"

🧡 Man is horrendously down bad 😳

💜 Last post i was like OUTINGS WITH BRANDI, but this post?? SURFING LESSONS WITH BRUCE! This man will not rest until you know how to ride a wave, okay, he is DEDICATED. Once you've gotten good enough, expect regular invites to the beach so you two can hit the ocean asdjahdslak

🧡 I like to think that even while running a business and family, Bruce and Brandi are still perfectly capable of maintaining a healthy love life— both with each other and you. Partly because they're just that in love but also cuz they don't let ANYTHING get in the way of weekly date nights (yeah that's right, plural)

💜 Bruce, on the phone: "Hey honey, me and (____) are outside the resturaunt. Where are you?"

"Oh, I'll probably be a few minutes. Bruce Jr. just set off a firework in the kitchen, you know how he is. But you two should go get us a table while you're waiting!"

"Alright, we'll see you later, love you :)"

"I love you guys more~"

🧡 And then Bruce just... hangs up and leads you inside the resturaunt, meanwhile you're just?? Very concerned????

💜 Dates with these two are pretty casual ngl. Neither feel the need for extravagant displays of love, so chances are the three of you are just spending some quality time together. Chillin at home without the kids, cooking/baking food together, watching reality TV

💜 (Tbh there's probably some trollverse version of The Bachelor/Bachelorett and lemme tell you that these two EAT THAT SHIT UP)

🧡 Of course if you wanna go out somewhere fancy then no worries!! Your girl Brandi knows the downlow on all the hottest spots in town and Bruce likely has enough connections to get you three reservations at even the fanciest restaurants

💜 Simply ask and these two will find a way to get it done <33

🧡 LOTS OF FAMILY OUTINGS WITH THE VACAY LOVERS HOUSEHOLD!!!

💜 At some point in the relationship Bruce will approach you and go "Hey, our son Benni has a dance recital tomorrow, did you wanna come?" and the second you say yes is the second you offically become a permanent member of the family. You are joining their monthly family camping trips. You are helping Brandi make cupcakes for school soccer games. You and Bruce are sitting down with the kids for homework help

🧡 Hopefully you've got good memory cuz you're gonna need to memorize 13 different fast food orders whenever the kids drag you to Bergen King askdhalslk

💜 Speaking of the little shits

🧡 You thought you were spending a lot of time with them BEFORE you were smoochin their parents?? Well congrats because the second you start becoming a permanent member at the dinner table, expect to have all 13 of them constantly hanging off you

💜 Maybe one of them needs your help practicing a new move they've learned from their martial arts class, maybe another wants someone to listen as they info dump about their latest hyperfixation, or maybe they just need help kickstarting their underground fireworks selling business

🧡 Cough cough (Bruce Jr) cough cough

ASJKJDHALJSKD THIS WAS SO MUCH FUN, I LOVE THESE TWO SO MUCH!! There were a for more headcanons i wanted to touch upon but the post was getting long lol. Definitely plan on doing more for them tho so no worries uwu

but i mean like if you guys got prompts/questions then go ahead, my asks are open 👀👉👈

[maxcore]

max "i saw some interesting footage in baku" but that's none of my business verstappen. we're entering libra season and this diva is about to conflict avoid in the pettiest way he knows how

[honkkarl]

i've gotta be honest. seeing a post w 'dream stans dni' in the tags REALLY makes me want to interact. like i wasnt gonna touch this but now i have to put my grimy little fingers all over it

[willboland]

I'll just leave this here...

[dafukdidiwatch]

That's a Brutal last line. I love it

[ohfiveeight]

Plus if Linda had an AI buddy, can you imagine the shenagagins that ONI would probably have to suck up to Halsey ( MOM ) to aid them in removing said AI?

[aphroditusiscorroded]

Merry Christmas everybody!! 🎄🎅🎁

Aziraphale receives an unexpected gift.

[lemondeabicyclette]

Track or Die Mexico 2022

[venear-tmblr]

BAM! im hyperfixating on dead gay wizards from the 70’s so im assigning FableSMP characters Marauders;

Sirius; Icarus. (DARLINGGGG,, quess who’s baCK FROM JAIL /ref)

Regulus: Rae (,,,yeah if anyone were to drown, it’d be Rae.)

Remus; Fenris (DO I HAVE TO EXPLAIN THIS ONE. DO I. DOG BARK BARK WOOF.)

Peter: Ven (somebody has to be that stupid rat /ref)

James: Centross (Someone had to be dumb of heart and smart of ass enough to be this shit-stirer. David is capable)

Lily: Ocie (YEEAHH YOU KNOW IT. I LOVE LILY EVANS THATS MY GURRLL)

Marlene: Aax (controversial but, if anyone’s gonna be Gryffindor Quidditch Captain; it’d be Aax.)

Mary; Caspian (…harlot. /affectionate)

Bellatrix: Perix (heLLOOO GORGEOUS)

Bonus; If Centross is James and Ocie is Lily, Oscar can be Harry heheheh

You could switch the morningstar brother if you wanted to, but meh,, my icarus jail joke is funny, read it and weep /lh

anyways hope u enjoyed this unhinged assignment :]

[pilfappreciator]

Brandi and Bruce’s S/o looking after the bakers dozen on their own, what shenanigans occur?

Anon this is?? Literally so cute what the hell??? Also referring to them as the "bakers dozen" is so genuis sfhjjfdadfggh—

Reader & the Bakers Dozen: babysitting solo

Includes: GN! Reader, mentions of polyamory, mentions of Vacay Lovers, slightly Parental! Reader, the Bakers Dozen

CW: Bruce Jr.

🍪 POV: your partners go off to some fancy convention to promote their business, leaving you to watch after all 13 of their kids. Chaos ensues

🍪 These little shits are already a lot to handle, so when you suddenly find yourself being the only adult in the house responsible for them? Yeah, babes, you've definitely got your hands full

🍪 Luckily, you've spent enught time at the Vacay Lovers household that things are at least a little easier for you lol

🍪 They definitely behave much better for you compared to other babysitters. Partly because you're smoochin their parents (and don't wanna get in trouble), and partly because they genuinely like you :3

🍪 But they're still little shits thru and thru, don't forget that

🍪 If they happen to have school? Chances are Bruce and Brandi already took care of their lunches and stuff before they left, so it'll be up to you to pick them up (WARNING: THE KIDS WILL TRY TO CONVINCE YOU TO GO ORDER AT THE NEAREST FAST FOOD PLACE! Unless you've got money for 13 happy meals, prepare to hit em with a firm refusal). Definitely helps if you blast some music in the van! They've kinda lost interest in Velvet & Veneer after learning the two literally tortured their dad and uncles...

🍪 Play Brozone. They'll go crazy and shout-sing along with Bruce's parts lol

🍪 Later in the day you can expect a few to come up to you for homework help. They might also wanna help with dinner, but fyi there WILL be a mess. Pasta sauce on the floor, flour all over the counters, stains on your clothes— the whole shebang

🍪 Want the least amount of casualties? Just let them set the table (no worries, all the plates and stuff are made of plastic ajdjakkala)

🍪 A few of them have some dietary restrictions tho so keep that in mind!! Luckily, you can always find a list of reminders/examples up on the fridge courtesy of lovely muppet wife Brandi <33

🍪 If the kids don't have school that day, then be prepared. You're gonna have very little time to yourself ://

🍪 Like they've each got their own interests and hobbies to keep them occupied, but sometimes they'll need you to reach somewhere up high, or for you to play tiebreaker/settle an argument, or they honestly just want you to join them for a game of hide and seek which???

🍪 "Aw, you sure you guys don't mind me joining in?"

"Yeah! Just cuz you're old doesn't mean you can't have fun, too!"

"...Gee, thanks :D"

🍪 They're merciless

🍪 They've all got their own set of chores they need to do. Each and everyone will try to worm their way out of them. All of them. Everytime

🍪 Sure, they can be a little hyper sometimes, but they're like 6-8 years old so that's expected. For the most part, they're all pretty chill

🍪 It's Bruce Jr. who you've gotta watch out for

🍪 He is a shit- stirer and I WILL FOREVER STAND BY THAT

🍪 This guy won't hesitate to rally his siblings into whatever plan he's been cookin in that feral little head of his. Prepare yourself because you're MOST DEFINITELY getting pranked. It's like a requirement or something

🍪 One nice thing i have to say about Bruce Jr. is that he's actually pretty resourceful. Like this little dude is using everyday household items like he's staring in his own Home Alone movie AKSJSJAKA—

🍪 Rest assured, tho, none of his pranks are seriously harmful or anything but like... at the end of the day, expect:

1) to be covered in craft supplies

2) your clothes/skin/hair a mess

3) to have one limb stuck in a bucket

4) all of the above

🍪 Honestly I feel like Bruce and Brandi would be surprised if they came back and DIDN'T find you sporting paint-stained clothes or with glitter in your hair. Maybe a few stickers slapped on your forehead??

🍪 The trick to dealing with this little agent of chaos is to either keep him separated from his siblings long enough so he doesn't manage to rope anyone into his schemes, or strike some kinda deal with him. Considering he's got 12 siblings, all of whom you need to be watching over at the same time, chances are the second option is your safest bet

🍪 Chances are he'll ask for something semi-illegal, or at the very least something that DEFINITELY requires adult supervision

🍪 DO NOT LET THIS BOY TALK YOU INTO BUYING ANYTHING RELATED TO FIRE. Seems like an easy task, I know. Unfortunately this little shit enherited his dad's charm so watch out o_o

🍪 He'll settle for a happy meal tho. Hopefully you didn't already cave and take him and his siblings out to eat earlier, otherwise you're spending even more money ajsjakkala

🍪 If any errands need to be run during your time there, you BETTER BELIEVE they're all coming with. You'll need to be incredibly vigilant during this time cuz these kids are even more rowdy in public than they are at home. If you're smart about it, you can turn the whole thing into a game! If everyone manages to grab everything off the grocery list in a certain amount of time or if they're able to find the best quality (but relatively cheap) brand of laundry detergent, then you'll buy each of them candy or something uwu

🍪 You can count on them to be cooperative, but like... bring the family child leash just in case

🍪 Cough cough (Bruce Jr.) cough cough

🍪 MOVIES BEFORE BED! It's a bit of a family tradition in the Vacay Lovers household. Yknow, just some way for the kids to spend time together before the day ends

🍪 You're most definitely gonna be playing tiebreaker when the time comes. All 13 of them have wildly different tastes

🍪 Absolutely no scary movies tho. They'll try to argue that theyre able to handle it, but at the end of the night expect to find yourself under a pile of frightened children who've ctawled into bed with you

🍪 Their collective nightly routine is literally?? So chaotic??? Like all of them are simultaneously trying to squeeze into the same bathroom just to brush their teeth... running in and out of their respective rooms... trying to sneak some extra dessert before bed

🍪 Literally never a quite moment in this household jshskakakam

🍪 You might have to read a few bedtime stories or sing a lullaby—

"Dad does it better"

"Just go to bed, Benji"

—but once they've settled in under the covers? Out like a light. They are unconscious the moment their heads hit their pillows

🍪 You'll probably have a mess (or two... or three) to clean up afterwards, but once they're taken care of? Dishes washed? Counters clean? You're more than welcome to crash on Bruce and Brandi's bed <33

🍪 Said couple returns home the next morning...

🍪 Just to find their kids drawing on your face with marker. Cross your fingers that none of its permanent 💀💀

Hope this was good! I know I call them all little shits BUT I MEAN IT AFFECTIONATELY OKAY AJSJAKA

Ngl I feel like this could have been like... more colorful? Like I was very general about the kids and their behavior as a whole, but now I'm super tempted to make a post describing each of them and all their little quirks! Just something fun to do that'll help me write them better in the future ;3

[carolperkinsexgirlfriend]

Steddie Upside-down AU Part 6

Part 1 Part 5

“What now, he says,” Steve mutters, quietly enough that hopefully Munson won’t hear him where he’s jogging to catch up to Steve’s long strides. “How the fuck should I know?” 

His hands clench where they’re tucked around the straps of his pack, knuckles turning white. Muson’s right behind him now, almost walking on his heels, and Steve does his best not to scream, but all he can hear is Munson’s stupid little “what now?”. As if Steve knows. As if Munson isn’t a good year older than him. Why is it his responsibility to figure out what the fuck they should do?

He wants to go home. He wants to see Nancy’s brow furrow when he says something stupid, and he wants to put his potatoes on Tommy’s lunch tray when he’s not looking. He wants to hide in his closet. Hell, Munson can come with, if he wants. Steve’s sure he’ll be markedly less annoying when the sky’s not red, and the quarry water doesn’t feel like it’s crawling through his stomach.

“What now?” Steve says again. It’s still quiet, but the irritation has bled out of his tone. “What now?”

Munson pivots around him to walk by his side, shoulders bumping companionably. It makes his fists loosen.

“We should kill it,” Steve says. He can still feel the things claws around his ankle where it had dragged him down.

Munson squawks, “we can’t kill that thing!” It’s too loud, echoing off the rocks and up into the sky.

Munson’s eyes are wide as Steve slams him into the wall of rock that makes up the right side of the trail. Steve’s hand curls into Munson’s hair, stinging from where it was cushioning the idiot’s head from the blow. His other hand snaps up, slapping over Munson’s stupid fucking mouth. 

They’ve gotta stop finding themselves in these same positions – Munson’s lips are starting to feel familiar on his palm. 

“Shut. Up.” It comes out as a hiss more than words, but Munson nods like he got the message, the rapid way he’s moving his head digging Steve’s hand further into the rocks. Then, the little bastard licks his palm like the consummate shit-stirer he is. 

He drops him, turning around to continue making his way up the path. He doesn’t feel relieved when he hears Munson’s footsteps following in his wake. Really, he doesn’t.

“Uncle Wayne has a shotgun,” Munson murmurs, less like he agrees, and more like he’s appeasing a wild animal.

It doesn’t make Steve feel great.

He imagines Munson crouched on top of a roof, rifle cocked and ready, Steve playing convenient bait for the monster below. Would he be able to aim from that high up? He’s basing all his knowledge of guns on the war movies his dad likes, and that one failed hunting trip when he was eight. He’d come home branded a failure in his father’s eye – a pansy, not a man. It’s a stain he’s never been able to scrub off.

“How close do you need to be to kill it?” Steve asks.

Munson squawks, “I don’t know–” before seeming to catch himself and dropping his voice low. “I can’t kill it,” he hisses.

“Look, it hasn’t given us much of a choice.” Steve says, finally stopping his upward trek to lean against the rock wall, trying for causal, like they’re just chatting in between classes and not planning a murder in a hell dimension. “It’s us or it man, okay?”

Munson’s staring at him, eyes wide, mouth hanging. Steve reaches across the distance to squeeze his elbow, and Munson’s cheeks burn as his eyes shift down to their single point of contact before shifting away, back down the path they’d just come up.

“I don’t know how to shoot.”

“What?”

“I don’t know how to shoot!” Munson throws his hands in the air, shrugging Steve’s hand off in the process. He’s as close as he can get to shouting while still managing to maintain his whisper. It’s almost impressive. “I’d love to fucking kill it, Harrington but I’ve never shot a gun in my fucking life. Okay?”

“But you’re–”

“What, poor?” Munson interrupts. “Not all trailer trash shoot beer cans and squirrels for sport!”

Steve looks at the tattoo peeking above the collar of Munson’s shirt, the ripped off sleeves of his vest, and the black shit-stomping boots the other boy’s wearing and decides not to contradict Munson’s assumption of where he’d gotten that idea. 

He sighs and starts walking again, ignoring Munson’s angry muttering from behind him. 

“I went hunting with my dad once.” It comes out like pulling teeth without laughing gas. Feels like it, too.

Munson huffs, amusement and anger all tangled up together as he jogs to catch up. “Of course you did.” Munson nudges their shoulders together, but it doesn’t feel friendly this time. “Little rich boy.”

“When I was eight.”

Munson laughs. “Well, shit.” he says, slapping the back of his hand into Steve’s elbow once, twice, thrice. “Do you think you’ll even be able to find the trigger?”

“Pray to god I can, Munson.”

Munson looks up at the sky, the red shining off his eyes hauntingly and replies with a twist to his mouth the Steve can’t quite read, “I’ll be praying to someone, that’s for sure.”

Part 7

[ya-boi-haru]

Sometimes I think, "My silly goofy Quixis headcannons couldn't be canon cause Quixis is this big, serious, cryptic, mysterious entity, risking everything to try and help"

But then I remember it's the same Quixis that:

Changes flowers to celebrate birthdays or to mourn

Changed all of Icarus torches to lanterns cause they didn't like the spam torching method

Gave Icarus a totem so they could hug Rodney

Changing lights and turtle eggs just to be a silly shit-stirer

Actually tried to apologise and fix the mistake with Icarus' wings

(In their own way) Tried to comfort/reassure Icarus that Gilded wasn't their fault and they aren't the one to take care of the problem

[sophieinwonderland]

If there's one thing that's true about me though, it's that I'm absolutely a pot stirer.

Nobody knows this, but I once sent an email to a transphobic conservative while pretending to be one of my critics in order to convince her to investigate me.

It sadly didn't work. But maybe next time...

[sofasoap]

CoD headcannon

Ghost the shit stirer

Price the dad shaking his head

Soap the pranker.

König the little brother follows Soap innocently, unaware he was being dragged into deep shit.

And good old Gaz, watching drama unfold from the sideline, eating popcorn and laughing his head off.

[cloudninetonine]

No, keep posting spoilers, I want to see the masses suffer

NFNWJXW BB YOU ARE SUCH A SHIT STIRER /J

But also I do like seeing everyone suffer