#stim toy i can bite and rip pieces out of while feeling it when

[tony-andonuts]

Cuticle-eating eczema havers where are we at

[welcome-to-the-petting-zoo]

Hey guys! I was wondering if any of you could offer me some tips on calming yourself down or lessening stress? Because of my contamination fears and the fact that I live in the U.S. everything has been piling up. My family doesn’t rlly take me or anything seriously either. So I’ve been falling into fits of “I’m not going to be able to leave the house in years, what’s the point in being here” and general other bad thoughts so I wonder if anything you known could help calm me down? Thanks!

Hey there Anon,

TP here. I'm so sorry you're struggling like this, and especially that your family can't/won't provide you with the support you need.

I'm going to try to collect some general advice and some healthy coping techniques, maybe you can find something here that can relieve your stress. I don't know enough about your lifestyle, specific issues and circumstances to tailor the list to your needs too much, but I'll try to bring up some varied points so maybe there is something you'll find useful.

There are things you can do in the moment to relieve stress and then there are things that are more preventive or work over a longer period, I'll try to cover both categories.

Let's start with in the moment relief:

Grounding. The same way grounding techniques can help with dissociative symptoms, they are also a great tool for stress relief. If you can take a moment to collect yourself, it can help you avoid blowing up or imploding into a depressive mess. There are great breathing exercises geared towards stress relief, but you can also do some physical practices, like putting your hands together in front of you like you were praying, and pressing your palms together as hard as you can, for as long as you can. This will release the physical tension in your body and with that, some of the emotional charge will dissipate too.

Depending on whether your stress manifests as anger, you can also do anger relief exercises, such as trying to rip a piece of cardboard in as many pieces as you can, or, my personal favourite, taking an old pair of sneakers and throwing them against the ground or an outdoor wall, because that won't harm either the wall or the shoes, and it's loads better than turning that anger on yourself or another person. Of course if you can manage your anger without having to act on it, all the better, but if you feel like you're about to explode, blowing off the steam in a non-dangerous way that still allows you to express your destructive urges can work.

This is extreme, but if you have the environment (e.g. you can go to a place away from humanity), you can even try to just scream as loudly as you can. I've never tried this method, but some people swear by it.

Remove yourself from the situation/environment. I know it can be super hard during the pandemic, but if you have the chance, just taking a walk, especially if you can go somewhere devoid of people in nature, is one of the best ways to clear your head and give yourself the space you need to calm down. What I often do is, I get on my bike and take a long ride on some abandoned back roads, which of course is a very special privilege most people don't have, but if you can carve out a little space for yourself somewhere, that can do wonders.

If you can't leave the house because of your fear of contamination or any other reason, I would advise you put on a pair of headphones, if you have noise cancelling ones, those are the best, but basically any pair will do, lie down on your bed and listen to music or nature sounds for a while. I live listening to the sea, or forest noises. There are several free apps you can download that let you create your own sound scapes from different sound elements, so you can tailor your experience to your specific tastes. If lying still is too hard or distracting, you can also try pacing while listening, just make sure you keep to a slow and steady stroll so you won't end up accidentally winding yourself up even more.

You can try doing some yoga, workout or sport. There are a lot of exercises you can also do indoors and generally, moving your body is a wonderful thing, it relieves stress, releases some happy chemicals and tires you out so you won't feel anxious anymore. Basically how this works is, emotions have physical "symptoms" and they work both ways. If you're experiencing the bodily sensation, you'll get the emotion as well, which also means, if you can stop the physical symptom, the emotion will go away too. For example, if you make yourself smile even though you're in a bad mood, you'll soon start feeling better, or the thing when people get anxious or angry because they are hungry and they can feel a knot in their stomach... It works just like that with anxiety/stress as well, if you can relieve the tension from your body, you'll also feel less stressed.

You can try stim toys or other equipment that's geared towards people with sensory integration issues. These tools were developed for people who get easily overwhelmed, so they are extremely efficient for relieving stress. There are tons of different kinds, so you can experiment with what feels right for you. Maybe it's a squishy toy, maybe a weighted blanket, or something you can bite into or a logic puzzle to stimulate your brain. As I said, there are loads of resources out there, and I'm positive there is something you could benefit from, and well, these tools are there for anybody who needs them, so feel free to experiment with them!

Okay, so let's take a look at the longer term things.

Meditation is one of the most awesome things ever. If you're not into spirituality, or if you think it's bullshit, rest assured, that's where I came from too... Until I've tried it. It helped me so much with my insomnia and other stress related issues, and well, it's not like I'm suddenly a hardcore Buddhist or something (not that there is anything wrong with that either, meditation and spirituality/any religion can absolutely go hand in hand), because in the end I like being my weird pragmatic self, but even so, meditation is something I love doing, it gives me peace and teaches me how to relax and come closer to understanding what my body needs and how to pay attention to it. There are also very cool resources for that, both apps and podcasts/YouTube channels that have guided meditation materials or that teach you different techniques.

If you have the spoons, please, do exercise! It is so damn helpful and important, but I also know it's something that can be super hard and I also struggle with it a lot, but whenever I actually manage to move around just for a few minutes, I feel so accomplished and so well physically and mentally.

Try to express your emotions in different ways. Create awesome vent art (your skill level doesn't matter, you can literally be scribbling on a piece of paper, or squishing a block of clay into a shapeless lump, it's not about artistic quality)! Experiment with different media and techniques, write, draw, sculpt, make collages out of magazine cuttings, press flowers, knit emotional sweaters, whatever your preferred method is, creating is a truly healing experience. It allows you to collect your thoughts and emotions and express them in a way that engages your brain in a different way than just thinking about it does, and it turns the negative emotions into positive experiences of creation and relaxation.

Ask someone to give you a massage. Again, back to the whole body and mind influence each other thing, not to mention that massages feel awesome and if it's a friend or loved one giving it, it also creates intimacy and a shared good moment which in and of itself can help a lot.

Talk about it! Seriously, fuck those people who tell you it's somehow wrong to talk about your issues or that you're being a burden. YOU'RE NOT! If you're in distress or you just feel like you need a talk, just do it! If you have noone to talk to, just get back to me, I'll be happy to listen if that means you're feeling better. There will ALWAYS be people who would happily listen to your venting if that would make you feel relief.

Finally, if this is something that's an option for you, consider talking to a therapist or your healthcare provider. They might be able to point you in the direction of some resources or talk about the possibility of temporary medicinal treatment until the pandemic blows over.

I hope this helps a little bit, and of course, if you have any follow-up questions, I'll be happy to elaborate on any of the points. I'm sorry for not including specific links or resources, but I'm a disabled weirdo and right now typing this out is all I have in me. But if you can't find something, or would like specific recommendations, get back to me and I'll look into the specifics for you.

Best of luck,

TP

[stimtoybox]

This is probably something you've answered before, but it's been on my mind recently. I've had this nasty habit of chewing on the insides of my lips until they bleed, biting the skin around my nails, and scratching skin (particularly my scalp). I hadn't even realized it until the spinner trend caught my eye but I saw that other people had the same problem and that things like chewables and stuff can help. (1/3)

I used to carry a stress ball but always ended up tearing them apart cause I would chew it. Though I’ve never been diagnosed with anything I mentioned to a friend in passing that I was thinking about buying something to help. I think the exact words I used were “fidget toy” and basically got yelled at because “they aren’t for people without adhd/autism/etc.” I didn’t even mean it to be disrespectful and I’ve honestly been looking into it since the problem gets bad during school to the point where my mouth bleeds. Would it be disrespectful to purchase one with the intention of stopping the constant harm I put my fingers and mouth through?

Anon, I answer this question at least twice a week. I’m not saying this to make you feel bad about asking. You’re all asking because you need someone, even if that someone is just a random internet stranger, to tell you that your attempt to practice self-care is valid because some ableist arsehole ripped your right to freely access those tools from your hands. And I will try, as best I can, to respond to those asks with something more than just you can stim because I know you’re asking from a place of pain and hurt, and that’s so far from right and acceptable I don’t even.

I’m saying that I answer this question a lot to highlight the problem society has in denying people who need it access to stim toys by shaming them with words like “disrespectful” … all while dropping the name of my diagnosis.

(This autistic, by the way, is going to stop being polite about this: everyone who namedrops my diagnosis while denying someone else the tools that might help them better cope can kindly step barefoot on a Lego brick coated in barbecue sauce. Hell, you can walk barefoot down a hallway covered in sauce-coated Lego bricks! You’re not helping or supporting me. You’re just being an ableist arsehole. If you know any autistics at all, you’d know the vast majority of us are horrified at the thought of denying someone who is hurting themselves access to tools that might ease or stop that. You do not get to mention autism or ADHD in the process of enforcing ableism. No. Shut up and go back to the hell from whence you came. Stop shaming our anons!)

I’m saying that the horrific rate of people who come here afraid that they’re somehow hurting me for taking care of themselves is appalling. I’m saying that I’m becoming more and more suspicious of the real intent behind this. I’m saying this so you understand that the confusion and hurt you’re feeling is sadly normal, that you are not alone in being the target of this gross, disgusting ableism.

Anon. People are telling you that you should be hurting yourself over getting yourself a stim toy. People are telling you that you shouldn’t explore safer ways to function in the world. The degree to which this is ableist, hurtful and cruel is downright mindblowing.

It is not disrespectful, anon, to get yourself a stim toy.

It is absolutely disrespectful (and worse) to tell you that self-injurious behaviours are preferable to using a toy.

Stim, anon. Stim.

I will mention, though, that stress balls really aren’t designed for chewing. It’s easy for pieces to break off, and the chemical composition of the foam probably isn’t safe for being in your mouth, especially not if done regularly. I would very much push you towards exploring chewables and chew pendants (links to tags collecting various posts on this blog). @safechewablethings wrote a list of things to keep in mind when purchasing a chewable, which might also be helpful to you.

I don’t really know enough about your habits to know where to direct you: frequent chewing might indicate a need for a firmer chewable, but stress balls suggest you might like something lighter or springier. Perhaps check out this ask on spongey/airy chews!

In the meantime, you might also like to look at DIY chewables made from braided T-shirts: the simplest require you to only cut up an old T-shirt, braid the strips of cloth and knot the ends. It might give you something on which to chew straight away, which I think you need.

For as a replacement for scratching, you might like to look at a lot of intensive hand-use fidgets. There’s a good list of hand-use fidget toys at the bottom of this ask. This recent ask collects a lot of links about stim toy care, varying stims, where to buy toys, how to make toys and basic starter toys, so that also might be worth checking out. Lastly, if it’s the feel of the scratching, you might find some of our picking and peeling alternatives at the bottom of this post to be a useful replacement, too.

Lastly: anon, consider seeing a doctor, especially if none of the above helps or it takes too long to put in place, but also just because you might need context, support or a diagnosis. Your family doctor/GP/primary care provider can provide you a referral. I can absolutely understand a reluctance to do so, but you deserve to not be bleeding. If you’re bleeding a lot, if this is severely detrimental to your ability to function, you might need a lot more support and care than is the scope of this blog. A professional, too, can help you if teachers take issue to what is, for you, a disability aid: you might need someone with authority in your corner or a diagnosis with which you can silence ableist arseholes. It can be extremely empowering to be able to put a name to the symptoms that make your life difficult, and it might be worth doing for this alone.

But stim, anon. Not only are you more than welcome to explore stim toys to help improve your life, you should.

- Mod K.A.