#still. love is put into every piece
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participating in rarepair week !!!!!!! :]]]]]] Day 1- AU (the enswap AU that invaded a corner of my mind. Aka past fine Yuzuru and eccentric midori)
I know these two aren’t. Technically a rarepair anymore but I remember the days of 12 fics on ao3 so they are still a rarepair in my heart. Plus who would I be if not posting them
Will definitely be doing different ships for other days though!! ^^
#enstars#lilac.art#ensemble stars#yuzuru fushimi#midoyuzu#midori takamine#ensemble stars rarepair week#ensemble stars rarepair week 2024#these pieces are gonna be a little bit rushed bc I’m doing them in 1 day 😭😭😭#still. love is put into every piece#I LOVE RAREPAIRS#I just be drawing 😭😭😭
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they just want to be one...
commissions @jolyonvane did for me where i asked if he could please please please make stan look as desperate and exhausted as he usually does but is being kept together by all his love for his sbf kyle
#south park#sp style#THANK YOU AGAIN AND FOREVER JOLY!!!!🫶💫#also around the time i comms this i was inspired by @stancsh's post about the necklaces AND THEN spencers released the stankyle ones.......#literally like... stankyle only forever and ever always#i had planned on just on piece but i was sent so many beautiful and amazing sketches 😭 i had to ask for two to be finished at least !!#i really love joly's art and animations and i think i still wouldve ended up a stan girlie but seeing that high animatic?? LIFE CHANGING#and just 🤧🤧🤧 means so much to me he accepted my stanky comm and theyre so <33333333#kyle is holding stan so delicately and carefully and like every touch is so so meaningful and can break and put stanley back togetherrr#sob so much love here💘💘#their necklaces connected in the second one??!!!! they both look so pretty and SO IN LOVE#stanley is like so puppy dog down bad heart eyes i love you i love you do you love me? and kyle is like of course i love you i got you.#WAAAAAUUGHHH AND THEN THEIR COLORS and keeping each other so close...on them#LOOK AT THEM!!!! loooook theyre so??? fhdjkjhjs ough in. the mood for..love.....and stans tummy<333#i seriously love stanky so so much ;; 💙💚
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The amount of pressure Vincent might feel from managing a whole church plus having to keep his polite and controlled stance all the time in front of others... I feel like he'd stress out at some point, so... here's my interpretation of it <3
also random fun fact but I was blasting this song on my headset while doing the whole piece which somehow gives me fucked up Vinny vibes ❤
#LMFAO it started as sum sort of vent art bc I was feeling stressed af then I got chill but still wanted to finish the piece asdhusdugfvds#oh how I love seeing my babe into the edge of killing every cultist of the church 😍#poor dude lemme giv ya sum back massage to distress LOL#k I'll stop (i guess)#and OF COURSE I would put sum fanservice by drawing him shirtless#but also bc I think he'd rlly do that. after all he hates getting all... hot and sweaty 😋 for him it must be comfortable to sleep shirtless#silent hill#silent hill 3#vincent smith#fanart#silent hill fanart#sh3#video games#silent hill series#artwork#silent hill art#art#artists on tumblr#my art#digital art#illustration#drawings#digital painting#sh#realistic drawing
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Sorry guys I gotta speak my truth on this one
I'm not kidding when I say that I think that blaming shit media literacy from fans on shipping/shippers avoids the actual root of the problem to throw people you can easily throw under the bus (simply because it's not unpopular to consider people who post about ships or ship characters in media as having lesser or derivative tastes by default)
And here's why.
I think when you blame people who are "shippers" or "consume media through shipping lenses", the true root of it all is a mindset problem.
In actually, putting on shipping lenses can be helpful when trying to analyze a piece of media. When analyzing media you're supposed to approach it through a number of mindsets and put on different lenses (both to deepen your personal understanding of the media, and to pick it apart and see what you can find there (whether intentional or not on the author's part)), and different ships can be some of those lenses
When it comes to ships between main characters (for those who are genuinely willing to see what the narrative is showing with their relationship and what it's doing), there are times when analyzing it from a shipping lens may be helpful. As someone from KH fandom, I have seen people come to deeper understandings and pick canon apart in the process of analyzing a relationship that is genuinely integral to the story (platonic or not). I've also seen people get into rarepairs of characters who barely interact or who just suffer little screen time, and I've seen them come to better understandings of those side characters and how they potentially fit into the world of the media simply because people are now focusing on these characters and how they fit into the narrative.
Frankly, I resent the idea that the only way to truly objectively analyze a piece of media is by turning off the part of your brain that gets excited over relationships and individual characters. Don't get me wrong, that is a way to approach a piece of media and a valid one at that, but the truth is that we cannot be free of bias.
For instance, I was watching House MD with my parents circa last year. At some point I started heavily tuning into what was going on with House and Wilson's relationship. My parents, on the other hand, were largely watching casually. They're not thinking of character relationships or getting heavily invested in most characters, they're watching because they like watching. One of them in particular did try to analyze things that were happening in the show as they happened. However, when it came to the scene late in the series where House threw out Dominika's letter approving her American citizenship, my parents could understand that he was doing that because he didn't want her to leave, but not much beyond that. I ended up explaining to them that House's fake marriage for Dominika was an explicit parallel to when Wilson was living with House in the early seasons. Both situations started with House being none too happy about it but ultimately letting them stay, spending a considerable amount of effort getting them to leave/getting this situation to be finally over so he didn't have to deal with it anymore, and then by the time a piece of news comes through that would mean the person in question actually leaves, House hides this news as long as he can. Because he doesn't actually want them to leave and has grown attached. And by doing this he became a self fulfilling prophecy. By reacting to the truth of Wilson and Dominika leaving him the way he does, he seals his fate and they ultimately leave anyways. Maybe I ship Hilson, but becoming open to how their relationship was handled allowed me to transition to doing character studies and recognizing patterns/parallels that I wouldn't have noticed if I didn't particularly care about the characters or their relationship.
Likewise, I've seen mutuals complain about how people who don't like or don't care about certain characters often overlook these characters (what they're actually like and their place in the narrative), while the mutuals in question (by default) are able to come to deeper understanding of what the writers/story is trying to do because they care about this funky guy
You can't eradicate bias when you're engaging in media analysis, but you can consciously put on a range of lenses and observe the media through different povs with the goal of understanding the media better or bolstering your reading of it. And those lenses/povs can include focusing on specific relationships or the perpective of certain characters
And this is why I say it's actually a mindset problem. Shippers and people who have this one blorbo they like a lot aren't inherently terrible "fandom brained individuals" who are the root of media analysis problems. The problem only arises when people's readings/analysis of a piece of media are inherently restrictive/narrow and self centered. Your problem is with people who view a piece of media through a ship they like but don't keep an open mind about it, and whose "media analysis"/views on canon cannot be split from fanon and their comfortability levels. These are the people whose "media analysis" starts and ends with justifying their fanon as canon, whose views on media revolve around sorting characters and relationships into categories they personally enjoy rather than trying to understand what's going on.
Here's another example.
Here we have a fictional ship we'll call uhhhh...Blanebin. this fictional ship I made up on the spot for characters that don't exist named Blane and Corbin
Person A is super into Blanebin. They're part of the main cast of characters and canonically childhood best friends, so person A (as much as they enjoy fanart and fic) is also enjoying analyzing how narratively important to each other they are. Recently, Corbin started dating another character in canon, but Person A is enjoying watching how Blane is reacting to this. "Is this potentially a tell that Blane is jealous or is having complicated feelings about this? What if he was, how would that contextualize his behavior this season? Here's what I think based on how Blane dealt with explicit jealousy last season in a different situation". It's not impossible that person A is still missing further understanding due to their obsession with Blanebin, but at the end of the day this obsession has allowed them to start picking through the characters both in and outside this relationship. It has allowed them to see potential subtext and theorize on what might happen next with these characters' relationship. Not to mention that with addition of Corbin dating someone else, instead of trying to erase this fact or state that Corbin canonically isn't into that person, Person A is trying to factor in how Corbin's current dating life affects his relationship with Blane (irregardless on personal views on the nature of Corbin's relationship with the person he's dating).
Person B is also super into Blanebin. They really enjoy fanart and fic of the characters, love obsessing over their moments together, and just feel like there's really something between the characters. To person B, every moment between them is just further proof that the writers are ship teasing them. But Corbin getting together with someone else this season? Oh that pissed person B off. They cannot believe that even though Corbin and Blane are CLEARLY gay for each other the writers had Corbin get with someone else this season. Perhaps, they think, it was even a decision specifically made to spite fans. How evil of the writers to tease a perfectly good ship and then have them not get together first? They must have been just doing those teases to get views from Blanebin shippers those scoundrels. To Person B, since Corbin started dating someone when he obviously has some chemistry with Blane (even though the series is far from over) means that Blanebin can never get together now and Corbin x person he's dating is ruining Blanebin by existing. In fact, they think, this is terrible writing for Corbin to be dating someone else because they don't like that relationship and don't see the point. Obviously if the writers were good then Corbin would have started dating Blane instead because this was supposed to be the Blanebin show.
Person C despises Blanebin. Don't get them wrong, they've always enjoyed the character's childhood friendship, but they actually have always thought Blane would have been better off with Victoria. They have a lot of moments too! But they're tired of seeing people ship Blanebin. Corbin just got together with someone else, so obviously that's not gonna work out. Plus Corbin and Blane totally has always given person C bro vibes. In fact, person C thinks, sure Corbin and Blane have a close friendship, but people shouldn't be shipping them. Person C likes Blanetoria and Blanetoria can't be canon if Corbin is in the way of it. So Person C likes to read Blanebin as siblings anyways. Sure they're canonically friends, but obviously their friendship turned into brotherhood. This means that nothing can be in the way of Blanetoria and Corbin can keep dating the person he's already canonically dating. Actually, now Blanebin just straight up makes Person C uncomfortable. Don't the pesky shippers understand that Blanebin are sibling coded because they're childhood best friends and that they're important to each other because they're brothers? It's obvious to anyone with eyes.
Sure, ships are involved here, but is the root of this problem shipping? Character A isn't as knowledgeable of other characters in the plot due to this lens they're using, but at the end of the day they're dedicated to analysis. Their love of the characters is pushing them beyond what they like or dislike to try to understand what might be happening through their lens. Not perfect, but they are slowly broadening their horizons. But Person B and C's problems here are their restrictiveness. What is or should be canon to them is tantamount to what they personally like or find comfortable. Is person C actually analyzing the this fake show when they decide to "read" Blanebin as basically canonically siblings (and this all of their moments are totally a bro thing) just because they don't like Blanebin and the idea of them getting together over Blanetoria makes them uncomfortable? Is person B actually analyzing this fake show when their "analysis" of Blanebin goes only as far as asserting it's being ship teased and deciding anything short of canonizing Blanebin is a targeted attack or "bad writing" because it's not what they wanted personally to happen?
This is what I'm talking about. This is the mindset. Shipping isn't the problem. The problem is when people marry fanon and canon to the point where they have a vested interest in superimposing their fanon over canon as "a reading" and trying to make "collective decisions" on what is canon (or what canon is trying to say) based on what does or doesn't make them uncomfortable. The problem is people being restrictive and centering their own likes and dislikes in the conversation, so they can only interact with canon "analysis" wise by deciding what is canon or should be canon "as obviously agreed on by everyone". You can't simply claim you like media analysis. To be able to analyze media and bolster your views on any given canon, you must be open to looking at it through multiple povs, to studying characters without trying to pretend things you don't like don't exist or do like do exist. There is a balance that must be kept between trying to keep objectivity and putting on specific focus/bias based upon the lenses you're putting on. You have to be willing to try to figure out what a media is doing or saying, not saying you're trying to figure out what it's saying while in actuality trying to define the narrative around what people believe it's saying in ways that suit you.
Thank you for coming to my ted talk.
#fandom wank#on the flip side it really just doesn't all happen with shipping#doesn't this go the same way when someone hates a character so they brand them with terrible terms and act like they're terrible without#actually taking a second to analyze them simply because they dislike that character?#Hell I've seen people get really invested in platonic relationships on the fanon side‚ start labeling them as siblings because the idea of#people shipping them makes them uncomfortable‚ and then when new canon doesn't fulfill their hopes they still act like those characters#being siblings to each other is canon because it makes them uncomfortable if that's not true#I've seen people watch a trailer for a piece of media before it comes out‚ build up an entire story in their head based on that trailer#that they've designated as their perfect idea of how to handle concepts presented in the trailer‚ and then when canon doesn't end up going#that way they decide that it's bad writing simply on the grounds that this wasn't the story they wanted. so they unironically act like#writers can only be good writers if the writers play into their specific wants as the audience or things they as an audience member thinks#would be great#genuinely even if people turn off the ship side of their brain or the side that gets obsessed with characters they can still be one of those#people who acts like they love media analysis but ultimately are shit at it#I didn't put this in the body of the post cause it didn't really fit but I have to say this too#I think that 'There are multiple readings one can glean from a text and no reading is the 'true' one‚ and this is okay' and 'not every#reading is a valid one or a good one' are statements that can and should coexist#There is a difference between genuinely reading into a piece of media based on what is happening in it and purposely miscontruing and#twisting canon in a direction that contradicts text so you can then quell all criticism by saying that it's just 'a reading' and#'all readings are valid'#What I'm saying is that if you see a blue car‚ the way you get 'valid readings is people who are determining what shade of blue it is or#what it being a blue car means or the author's intent making the car blue or even speculation as to why it's blue and not potentially other#color. A case of an 'invalid reading' in this case is if someone pointed at the blue car‚ said it's canonically red and the author obviously#intended it to be red and it's canonically red‚ and then when people point out that the car is very much not canonically red (that you#can see it is a very clear shade of blue) this person doubled down and started saying that the 'haters' are being rude by implying that#their personal reading of the text is invalid (in other words 'no you can't get mad at me for saying the blue car is red because it's my#reading of the text and all readings are valid no matter what!')#anyways sorry for going off there#it just pisses me off when people repeat the argument that people who like certain things as fans are inherently unable to perform good#media analysis and are the root of fandom media illiteracy.
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"shadows are inverted flames" -> wilsons hair is made of shadow -> YOUR BOYFRIEND'S HAIR IS MADE OF FLAME??? PETPETPETPET
also wilson can't leave the throne so he just has to deal with her doing this 24/7
#i cant believe i frankensteined this piece back to acceptability. wack.#dont starve#dst willow#wilson higgsbury#willowson#i kind of uh. hated the linework for this. so then i just. threw every trick i knew at the piece until it tuned out ok#still. dont look too hard.#real talk... it probably feels like thick clouds of smoke... incredibly soft... very soothing yes yes.#i will always come back to willowson. Actually Mad mad scientist x escaped asylum felon arsonist.#and its always a toss up as to who is going to be more unstable in any given situation.#they take turns.#usually wilson is Responsible. he likes feeling adult unlike willow. but sometimes he goes WACK and willow goes (sigh) guess ill clock in#what if we were both horrible people put in a situation where it didnt really matter anymore#could we find some kind of solace in the now-mundane insanity. could it become borderline domestic.#the closest thing to a home either of us have really ever had#i know wilsons parents canonically loved him very much . but#what has it amounted to for him? does he even believe he was loved at all?#his comments about nannies... they left you alone a lot didnt they poor boy. with nothing but books and bad ideas and worse thoughts#and willow. (gestures to the ashes of the orphanage and the Metaphor of 'seeing shadows')#wilson (haunted by his mind) (as in the threat is internal and the threat is Him)#willow (haunted by her mind) (AS IN SHE IS LITERALLY BEING HAUNTED)#(alternatively a metaphor for a vague and nameless mental illness. more of an allusion to the old 'asylums' than a specific diagnosis)#also they have fangs. ok goodnight#my nyart
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DAY 160
as much as i've enjoyed drawing my little guy every day for the past half year, life has started getting in the way and busying my schedules !!
so from here on out, dailyicarus will now be running on a weekly basis !
thank u all for the love and support this account has gotten <3 i hope this change will not lessen your enjoyment of it !!
#ultrakill oc#icarus prime#been debating this for a whiiiile but i have finally bitten the bullet#i made this account before i had a job and my life has been becoming increasingly more hectic !!#but i still love drawing my baby boy and i would never abandon this account completely#thusly; this decision !#with a weekly schedule as well i can put more effort into the pieces which is something to look forward to at the very least#he'll be posted every monday (approximately) from now on :] and there may be special bonus posts for occasions such as holidays#i love all of u sm and i hope this is understandable <3#long live dailyicarus !! icarusnation forever !!!!
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i know ive made myself the #1 izutsumi stan in the eyes of all of my friends and probably some of you online people but what if i became a mithrun stan. there is something about him that compels me. i just want to *clenches fist* put him on the drying rack. lovingly stick him into a tupperware for later. make him into. a broth of some sort. do you understand
#posts that probably look deranged to anime onlies. listen you will understand#i love you vegetable scrap man! wet cardboard man! pathetic crumpled up piece of laundry!#dunmeshi#ok uh manga spoilers in the following tags#the dichotomy of favorite characters...#feral teen girl who always follows all her desires vs damp middle aged elf man who is incapable of desiring anything....#and the BEST thing with mithrun is kabru has to babysit him. like out of anyone to babysit mithrun. kabru is objectively the funniest#but like. seriously the whole. you will gain new desires every day! thing. sobs#i know a lot of ppl relate to mithrun for that. i personally relate more to izutsumi if im being real here#but mithrun still makes me go OOUUUUGHHGHGH THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING TO STRIVE FOR TO KEEP LIVING FOOOOOORRRRRRR#also i like his design. his very specific hair. the fuckin. big shirt over the armor im obsessed with. the missing eye#the way he goes from 200% when he's got the lion in his sights to -500% literally any other time#kabru being like AH POWERFUL ELF MAGE GOTTA GET READY TO DEFEND MYSELF SOME MORE why are u just sitting there. hello#i haven't posted any mithrun art bc i haven't had time to sit down and finish a real piece#but ive been doodling him on any scrap of paper that finds its way into my hands literally any chance i get#the whole weekend i tabled at animzement i just sat there and doodled izutsumi and mithrun in my notebook#im gonna draw him for real tho. soon. im putting in my 2 weeks tomorrow and then i will have more art time
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Your comments... Ahh. I have read it four (4) times. I don't think you understand how amazing you are for commenting on fics and just unpicking everything you liked and...
Thank you, bud. Made my morning. Skilled of paintbrush, big of heart.
(Even kindly ignored the duplicated paragraph where I was pasting poorly from GoogleDocs, lmao, it's gone now.)
Glad you enjoyed them <3 You put so much effort and love into your fics, I feel like it's literally the least I can do. Still, I wish I found some better words because I feel like I repeat myself a lot, but your fics just make my brain melt, in the best way possible👉👈
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Bringing this one back
#And don't worry about the duplicate paragraph#I read it on tumblr because dark mode my beloved#being called big of heart by you is gonna balance all the times I've been called cold-hearted trust#the emotional rollercoaster I go through when reading your fics man#ESPECIALLY THIS ONE#always takes me a while because I want to savor every word#you have a way of writing that is so unique to you and I'm just addicted#you put pieces of yourself into your fics and it makes them feel authentic and real#I still need to go through some of your older fics I may have missed#I'm gonna be visiting family for the next week so I'll have time to do that hopefully#Man am I glad to have fallen in love with NikPrice and to have found your fics#highlight of 2024 👏#nekro yapping
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Jude and Max 🌈
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I mentioned a few months ago how I was going to make original characters inspired by Dean and Cas simply because I wanted original characters to draw for my art portfolio and it can’t be fanart.
However, despite it being a haha thing with not much thought behind it, I have developed them into full fledged characters now!
Their full names are Maxwell Clarence Charleston (Born 1830) and Jude Smith (born 1980). I’ll be making more art with them and explaining their background and story and I can’t wait to continue developing them!
Jude is an avid movie buff and loves books. He’s a big fan of old classic horror movies and collects old Hollywood memorabilia and his favorite TV show is Gunsmoke. He loves Skittles and wants to be a movie director.
Max loves being outside and during his nature walks would often collect flowers and leaves to press into his book. He’s a big science guy and loves learning new things about the world and dreams of traveling. He also really likes coffee lol.
That’s obviously not all to them, but I figure this can be their official introduction! I wanted them side by side their inspiration which is Dean and Cas of course!
I imagine I’ll be drawing these four together more lol just for fun
(Why does the Vertigo cover look like Nic Cage lmao)
#spnfanart#wiggleart#destiel#dean winchester#castiel#original characters#did I want Jude to have the Jackles hair flippies? yes#he also is gonna have a nuisance piece of hair always sticking up but it was looking weird with the composition lol#it really was meant to just be a placeholder since I can’t make fanart for an art portfolio but#then I kinda loved them and wanted to explore them more lol#there’s not a real all encompassing story for them just how they meet and where and the world they operate in#but otherwise it’s just open ended sandbox which is fun#I’ll probably still mostly just do spn fanart on my tumblr but every now and then I’ll put them on here!#they’re gonna live mostly on my Instagram#and website once I get that in working order#but I need to finish this portfolio first lol
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making a collection
making another collection with a threatening aura
#davy back fightbpart 3 letsgo#HOW do the three big guns get wasted on the eating contest... horrible plan.... luffy is fine bc well... but not sanji and zoro like damn.#luffy DOESNT WANNA EAT??? CALL THE NAVY!!!!#what was i saying.... bad idea putting the three beasts there#FRANKY FRANKY FRANKY!!!! they captured the two princesses :(#one sided beef squashed between luffy and foxy. friendship ended with random ex marine guy. now luffy is my best friend#usopp and franky bonding time hell yeah. throw usopp by the head once more pelase#nami with zoros swords just like holding them looks so cool like she should get a few swords too... nami three sword style oda drawing pls#i think this man underestimates nami and luffys power together he doesnt know about shiki#luffy saying he knows its a trap and sorry for being late.... lets go on an adventure all nine of us.... usopp yes anding his lie..... omg#cant believe nami isnt there yet. she could take this guy. oh there she is!!!!! she does look cool with the swords and jumping to get luffy#zoro screaming in agony from luffy getting shot omg THIS FUCKING GUY OF COURSE!!! this looks like its so over#zoro and sanji must feel so useless rn. they didnt even get the chance to fight like damn#komei-kakka??? more like come caca. boom#luffy face down dead on the floor akdjkaa chopper have you tried looking at the wound to see if it harmed him idk#it hit the face akdjskn usopp that was coom also#was robin flirting with the other guy and zoro caught her and she told hum to shut up???#'your friends got the best of me but you are still in my arms an-' 'HEAT EGG!! ALSO YOU'RE ON FIRE!'#flare maneauver that was so slay also luffy and nami in the same frame so twins of them. my children. birthed them one right after the othe#zoro and sanji fighting back to back. back to back to back to you i dont wanna fall right back to us maybe you should run right back to her#that is such a bop song. also post wano zosan. and post wci. see the recurrent theme#fighting in water.... being on top of the sword that was a slay... red hawk ace i will never forget you it seems#foxy liking his jolly roger omg nami fooled him ahdhsjs i think they should have pirate game event every year they yearn for contests#now since this experience foxy should make monthly multitudinary pirate games olympics hoping the strawhats join them a la gatsby#the faces at the mushroom akdhaksjs#talking tag#watching one piece#watching one piece movies#kinda loved how robin betted on franky against usopp.... i will take the crumbs
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keeping up with awards season has truly turned me into such a vitriolic and bitter person i think the academy should explode and there should be no survivors
#been watching so many nominated movies recently#to try to understand why saltburn is losing#but its just making me love saltburn more and hate the award shows that dont recognize it#i think it’s label as a shock value movie really killed it when thats obviously not what it is#like its so fucking beautiful and thoughtfully filmed#frame composition was taken into account in every fucking shot#but no cinematography nom#and the score is so amazing with big orchestral pieces that swell in the perfect moments#i still wake up with felix amica in my head#but no score nom#and not even to mention all of the incredibly talented actors who put so much love and work into this movie#who absolutely deserve to be recognized but they arent.#because it’s a shock value film.#and all of oliver’s confusion and heartbreak is overshadowed by viral cummy bath water tiktoks#its just so unfair lol#i could go on but. whatever. fingers crossed for baftas i guess.
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aotc!anakin is peak anakin obi-wan said so himself
#messy sketch for now#will be my last obikin piece until im done mourning over my dead wife's husband's death (satosugu)#i just need to show this demon manchild the love he deserves#i will fight for this man with all my might but obi-wan would be on the frontline defending every tantrum of anakin#ani could bully someone and obi-wan would still call him 'my sweet boy' while kissing his wounds caused by his own hate crime#while putting the 14-day suspension notice from the school in the biodegradable bin#obikin fanart#anakin skywalker fanart#obi wan kenobi fanart#church indulgences for sale#obikin
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rewatching 13s era for me is not so much diminishing returns as it is something opposite and eviler...............increasing losses? increasing losses
#every time i rewatch an episode the points where it couldve been better poke me in the eye#maybe probably the exact same thing would happen with any other thing i would get this obsessed about#you stare at something long enough its flaws will become ever more apparent#you love something enough everything it could have been but IS NOT becomes ever more painful#i watched 13x5 tonight.........honestly what the fuck goes on#no these were my responses now 3 years and probably a dozen rewatches in:#1) what the fuck goes on#2) philosophically stilll utterly unintelligible to me i might be stupid#swarm and azures whole thing. like. everything they say about their Schemes is completely......incoherent. i dont understand it.am i stupid#3) feels like most agents in these plots are just doing busywork. but might be my inability to understand plot again#but like diane?? who is she what is she why is she#4) 13s message to yaz 'flux destroys universe so refugees coming take over earth your task' is.....like.....profoundly......wtf#and seemingly easily fixable: flux destroys universe refugees come to earth find a way to welcome them#get unit involved THAT way. right?#unit as the liaison between humanity and alienity. rebrand#but maybe that doesnt work with the snakeman plot idfk im stupid with plot#5) scenes between 13 and tecteun couldve been so much more. mastervoice: i have Notes. first and least: tecteun shouldve called her Child#damn now i want to do 13 era rewrite again#i really should do that one day i think it would be good for my skills#turn it into a good oldfashioned 13 ep series. still one story tho. but to deepen everything out a bit more#actually getting into all the stuff thats only sort of Touched upon#making swarm and azure not only make sense but also emotionally important and if possible even lore-wise interesting#more abt the division past. doesnt need to be shown in detail if the absence is the point. that doesnt mean there cant be more absence#swarm&azure lore + division lore + vinder&bel lore in separate pieces starting to show a horrible puzzle when put together#yaz and dan in 1900s for 3 full eps or so. time to breathe. more yaz&13 stuff. a lot more 13&yaz stuff#i think that might actually be the heart of it. maybe it should be the heart of it#leaning into that 13-tecteun parallel. the frustration and resentment. build up to the 'so why are you SO interested in him!' stuff#more of their life in the tardis just the two of them without buffer#i kinda want to play with like a lot more body language between them which the camera doesnt allow as we have it#like zoom the fuck out pls
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Lol drawing these reqs made me realize how bad I am at drawing romance
#whaaaat the aro gal is bad at depicting romance?? who would’ve thunk#I feel a little bad cuz some came out feeling fake and unatural#Im sure I’d get better at it with practice.. but at the same time I have no interest in practicing skdhdd#idk I’m having lots of 3am feelings about this#about me realizing how different romance and platonic love feel from each other to me#it’s like with every drawing I put a little piece of me in it#but when it’s romantic I put nothing in it because I have nothing to put#sure I can try to pretend I’m drawing two friends and then just add blushies at the end#but that still feels fake#idk#rozu thoughts
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I would absolutely love for at least one of my friend groups to completely go all out for me for my birthday. The way girls at school get huge sashes and gift baskets from their friends. I've never really had that. I've never really had a group of friends band together to do something super special for my birthday aside from getting on call with my two best besties to play roblox. Which i guess is a bit disheartening because I've organized stuff like this for several people. I've put together calls so we could all sing happy birthday to someone and celebrate with them. Hell, not even a birthday celebration, but i once organized a going away party with my entire friend group for one of our friends who was moving to another state, because i loved them i wanted to them to know they'd be loved and missed by us. It would be nice to be on the receiving end of that but also it feels really silly to just Ask my friends to plan something special for me cause 1. Those are supposed to be surprises 2. I know it is My birthday and I have every right want to be treated like the center of the universe but I still feel very selfish asking people Hey can you make this day all about me and put effort into it please. Also it feels less genuine when people have to be Asked to celebrate me yknow. Idk maybe the realization that I'm turning 18 years old is finally fully kicking and that's what's got me down lately but man. For my birthday I really just want to know that I'm loved and wanted and not a nuisance that pisses people off every time I open my mouth
#Also and this is where I get really annoying but most of the time I don't get gifts from people who aren't my family#My last birthday i got gifts from two people out of my several friends and friend groups who really didn't do much#Other than wish me happy birthday or my two friends who always get on roblox with me#Which is also disheartening because i try to make gifts for everyone for their birthdays and christmas#If it's not something huge like the animatic and the animation meme and the attempted pmv I made then it's a thoughtful art piece#And if it's not that then it's at least singing them happy birthday and giving them a hug and letting them know I love them#Which I'm not gonna stop doing and I will never stop doing#I have too much love in my heart to ignore someone's birthday out of spite and I do not make things expecting something in return#Even if someone never ever gives me a birthday gift I will still give something to them every year because I don't want to be bitter#But I guess it just gets tiring after a while#Trying to do everything for everyone while barely anyone puts in the same effort for me#Again I'm not gonna ask anyone for a gift cause 1. Selfish 2. Disingenuous if it needed to be asked for#I guess I just wish more people valued me enough that they'd already do all this stuff for me#Make me gifts and treat me like I matter the most#Because I know i try to do that for everyone else#Idk I still feel selfish saying all this but also it's My 18th Birthday I think I deserve to be a little selfish#Man I need to go to bed midnight is always when I get ungodly sad over things I have no control over#harry osborn or whatever the fuck the new generation says /j
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