#still very much a fix it

[ladysternchen]

Yet Were Its Making Good, For This- Part Two- Revealed

Even in his wildest dreams, Mablung would not have dared hope for the chance to share one more kiss with Elu, a kiss without hiding and most of all, a kiss to which they could both consent, that was not not a desperate, heart-wrenching farewell. As their lips touched, however, the scene of that last time played again before his eyes, keen and cruel, and Mablung drew back sobbing, turning his face away in despair.

“Oh Mablung…” 

Elu merely breathed those words, his concern very apparent, with his hand still resting on Mablung’s cheek. 

“I…” Mablung began, but words failed him. And after all, how could he ever explain to Elu that it was the memory of their last kiss that so upset him now? He could not even voice it within his own head. 

“I cannot bear to say.” he managed at last, tears now cascading down his face.

There was a curious look on Elu’s face as he gently made Mablung look up.

“I think you don’t need to say it. I think I know.”

“How?”

Mablung felt deeply shaken. He had chosen to bury this memory, and Lord Námo himself had given him leave to do so. Nobody knew of that kiss, not even Melian. Then how…

“I know that it was you who found me.” Elu went on “And by your reaction, I think I can guess what you did there, in the smithy, when you were alone with my body and had nothing to lose, but a farewell to gain.”

Mablung could not look away from Elu’s light-grey eyes, and he thought he would drown in his gaze, and be quite content to do so.

“This time, though…” 

Elu paused to tenderly grace Mablung’s lips with his, waiting for Mablung to react, to tell him without words whether or not he was comfortable. Mablung did not know what he wanted, nor what he would be able to bear. After a moment, Elu again drew back a little and continued:

“This time, I am kissing you, and I’m alive, and breathing, and my heart beats.”

Mablung sobbed helplessly as Elu took his hand and pressed his palm tightly to his chest, so that Mablung could feel his heartbeat beneath his fingers.

“And it is because of you that it does so.”

Mablung blinked, bewildered. As Elu went on, there was a quaver in his voice and tears shimmering in his eyes.

“You see, there would have been a way for Melian to be with me, even had I refused Lord Námo’s offer for good. Maiar, after all, need no bodies. Or at least Lord Námo assured me that we would find a solution everyone might live with. But you… I knew that all was taken care of, that Dior reigned over the Iathrim and called to Olwë as High-King. I knew that my people were looked after by them both, and by who better? Beleg left the Halls healed, saddened and grieving, but hale. Even Elmo went from Mandos free of the shadow of our bond. He could finally be himself. He doesn’t need me anymore. This hurt to admit, even if I was tremendously relieved.”

Elmo made a noise as if to protest, but Elu paid him no heed, continuing instead:

“So really, there was no point for me to leave Mandos. I cannot overcome my grief, I am not healed, as they put it. So really, it makes no difference for me where I mourn my children, and curse my own stupidity. 

But you, Mablung, you left the Halls on my bidding only. Even after all I made you go through, even after death, you left me in Mandos because I asked you to, because I didn’t want you to refuse life on my account. You were so loyal, so true that you once again put my will above your wellbeing. And I would not have been able to bear to be myself had I abandoned you after that. I knew nothing of the statute, I knew not that we would be allowed to be together. Even less did I know that my… my wonderful wife would be prepared to agree to it. I should have known of course, but it truly never crossed my mind. But I did know that you had always wanted to be by my side regardless. That was the reason for my return in the end. I love you, Mablung. I have always loved you and dearly missed you, and I will be eternally grateful to the Valar and all the elves -and  people pretending to be elves- who made it possible for us to now explore this love fully. Come here. It’s alright. I’m never going to leave you again.”

With those last words, Elu wrapped his arms around Mablung once more, and Mablung leaned his head against Elu’s shoulder. They both cried openly now, and Mablung was holding Elu so tightly he knew he must hurt him but he could not help it. And Elu returned the embrace, cradling Mablung, his lips pressed firmly to the top of his head.

“I think it is time for us to leave you two.” Melian said after what felt like ten thousand years and only a heartbeat at the same time. “Enjoy your time tonight, Mablung, as I don’t plan on giving up on Elu all too often. But tonight he is yours, and then we shall work this out together. I mean, I’d say I’ll join you, but that would feel remarkably like fucking my little brother, with is… weird.”

Elu laughed and pulled Melian into their embrace as well. Mablung grinned, too, and wondered if he’d actually like that or not. He had never in his life even thought of being intimate with a woman, but if there ever could be an exception to that, that exception surly must be Melian.

The feeling in Mablung’s stomach remarkably resembled nervousness as he and Elu were finally alone. So much was yet unsaid between them, and for so much Mablung had no words, so he instead busied himself with unrolling his cloak and unpacking his things.

“Are you hungry?” he asked over his shoulder, even though he himself had no mind whatsoever for food. 

It was no surprise therefore that Elu declined the offer, too. 

“Right. I let you off tonight, but you’ll eat breakfast with me tomorrow.”

Elu sighed exasperatedly but chuckled all the same, which made Mablung turn at last. He was still almost astounded to see him truly standing there, after he had so long ago ceased to hope. For a long moment, they just looked at each other, then Elu said tentatively.

“I don’t know how you feel, but my head is swimming with everything that happened today. What if we just lie down and watch the stars together, like we used to? Or we just keep staring awkwardly at each other. How is it that nobody explains how odd this is when one is still in Mandos? And…” he added as an afterthought “… the others’ expectations don’t help, either. Not at all. I’m really sorry, Mablung, for making this so incredibly awkward.”

Now it was Mablung’s turn to laugh as he sat down on his unfolded cloak, and he was quite relieved when Elu joined him after a moment. Mablung could hear him curse under his breath.

“Do you have a comb? Melian and I shared hers ever since I was released from the Halls, but obviously she has it with her now and…”

Mablung remembered that only too well, that awkward time after his reembodiment when he had lacked everything he had taken for granted in his first life- spare clothes, knife, comb, cup and bowl… it helped not, either, that the customs of Alqualondë were so very different from those of Menegroth. Coming to think of it, he had no idea where Elu planned to live from now on, or whether he had given any thought to it at all yet. All that could wait, though, and he contented himself for the moment with handing Elu his comb, and watch as he undid the two thin braids that had kept his hair out of his eyes, then started to comb through his silver tresses. Mablung could not restrain himself and reached out, running his fingers through Elu’s hair as well.

“I’ve always admired your hair, you know that?”

Elu only smiled, then handed the comb back and started to re-braid his hair, this time weaving it into only one large plait. Mablung could not take his eyes off him, that sight being so painfully familiar and dear to him that it moved him almost to tears. 

“I still need to braid it for the night. I… oh, it’s embarrassing, but I seem to have forgotten how to sleep with it open without lying on it. I never thought one could forget. It’s only now that I have one again that I realise what a nuisance a body is.”

Mablung remembered that feeling very well. He had felt so very clumsy during that first time, too.

“It’s not embarrassing. Every single reembodied elf had to deal with that, or at least every one who rebuild their body with their hair as long as yours. I never got how you ever could sleep with it open, anyway. That you could made you all the more marvellous to me, though.”

Whatever was the matter with him, Mablung wondered as he felt his cheeks burn. Talking like that had always been Beleg’s domain, not his, and most certainly not Elu’s, who looked just as embarrassed as Mablung felt. A strange recklessness had come over him, though. Tonight, he would leave nothing unsaid. Tonight, he would talk about everything that came into his mind. If he were to truly bond after four Ages of this world as a bachelor, then he could not leave anything in the dark.

He therefore reached out again, and tucked a strand of hair loose from Elu’s braid and twirled it around his finger.

“You will re-learn, beloved.” He said hoarsely “If you wish to.”

There was the smallest involuntary intake of breath at being addressed thus, Mablung noted, but still Elu did not challenge the term. Instead, he wordlessly reached for the comb again, and started to unbraid and comb Mablung’s hair. Mablung would never ever have thought the act of combing to be so intimate. He had been a warden, and keeping his hair neat and orderly a necessity, not a pleasure. And never could he have thought that getting his hair braided could actually make his groin stir. He did not react to the sensation, however. Whatever Melian’s words before, they were not there yet.

At last Elu laid down the comb and  leaned back against a mossy boulder, spreading his arms slightly as he did so. Mablung followed the invitation, shifting closer to Elu and laying his head upon the latter’s shoulder. 

“I don’t even have a name to call you by.” he whispered, tracing the fine features of Elu’s face with the tips of his fingers, still somewhat in disbelief that he truly could do that again. 

Elu smiled wryly.

“Call me however you want. I don’t know myself. It will be Elwë in the end, I think. Elmo mostly goes with this, and Lord Námo called me that, and Olwë obviously does… Melian keeps with Elu. I promise I’ll answer to both.”

Mablung couldn’t help but notice how resigned Elu sounded. Was it that he was just weary of the endless discussions about his person in general, or because he did not even have a say in his own name?

“It bothers you.” he therefore stated calmly.

“No. I just… I don’t know who I am anymore. Truth be told, I don’t know if I ever knew.”

“I can imagine. And maybe you truly need to discover that anew. But Elwë you are still, my -our- star, named for the beauty of your eyes, or so Círdan claims, and your aunt. Do you know that your descendants still carry your star in their name?”

Elu nodded, too moved to talk properly.

“No crown this time.” he managed to rasp.

“No crown.” Mablung suddenly laughed. “Why is it that I seem to mourn that fact more than you?”

“Because I am relieved, to be completely honest. I think I feel free for the first time in my  entire life. I was always a little bitter about it. Born a prince, born to one day rule. I wonder if that was all everyone saw, what Enel saw when my parents presented him with me. Did he bless me, or the person I was supposed to become? A boy, right? An heir to the ancient line, a reason to rejoice before he had even seen me. I never strived to be loved by everyone, but… but if loved, I wanted to be loved for who I am, not for what I was born.”

Elu had talked himself into angry tears, leaving Mablung to wonder how long he had locked those feelings in his heart.

"Olwë should have been the firstborn, he is -and always was- so much better at all that.”

Mablung graced Elu’s brow slightly.

“It’s alright. Your family loves you for who you are and Melian and I love you for who you are- even if it always moved something in me to call you my king. But you be you now, you earned that. Still a circlet you will wear- I will make you wear one, and if it is one of flowers.”

“I am king no more, Mablung.”

“But you were. You said you needed to know who you are. Then you cannot deny who you were.”

Again Mablung caressed Elu’s face, tracing his jawline and the tips of his ears.

“Let us get ready for the night. I am exhausted, and you must be, too. I remember those first days and weeks after returning from Mandos to be tiring to say the least. Uh, the not remembering. I found that the worst.”

“What do you mean?”

Mablung frowned slightly.

“When I was released from the Halls, all was… strange. I could remember my past life, but it seemed then to be so far away, like a dream I once had. Obviously I could not recall my time in Mandos, though that was not blank either. But surely you must feel the same? Everyone I know who’s been re-embodied does.”

“I do remember Mandos. Quite clearly.”

For a moment, Mablung just felt utterly stunned. Then he chuckled.

“Honestly, you can’t do anything like a normal elf, can you?”

Elu grinned wryly and shrugged, but he still remained sitting with his arms around his knees. Mablung let him be, and rid himself instead of his clothes before lying down on the soft moss. It was a marvellous thing, really, how here in Lórien there would be no moisture creeping up from the earth, not like it had been in Ennor. Instead, the undergrowth seemed to be welcoming a weary traveller, eager to make a bed for them, for a while. 

[knightofleo]

Angela Orosco Silent Hill 2

[vaguely-concerned]

the more I play the more I think lucanis basically knows it's illario who betrayed him right from the beginning (he's had a year in the ossuary to think. not that many people knew where he was going. when you ask him 'did Illario know you'd be on that ship' his only answer is the hardest flattest 'yes' you ever heard). so it's not so much about figuring out who the traitor is (because that's ludicrous. we all know. immediately. they didn't really bother to hide it lmao) as about methodically closing off every single avenue of denial lucanis has clung to that whole time with as much or little gentleness as you might prefer until he has no choice but to admit it. because the moment he has to admit it, he'll have to do something -- feel something -- about it. and that's such a catastrophic event in lucanis' inner landscape (he has had TWO people in this whole entire world up until now and will do anything to hold on to them with a heartbreaking child-like desperation, even at and especially through the detriment of his own self) that he'd rather just. not. what if we quite simply. didn't. what if we just stayed here in the emptiness where we can both pretend you didn't hurt me in a way I should never forgive. I have so much practice in that with caterina already it's always worked out great for everyone so far. (press x to fucking doubt but that's trauma logic for you lol)

after everything illario did, so much of the storm of lucanis' emotions around it is 'what the FUCK did you get yourself tangled up in this time and how do I get you out of this mess safely'. what's worse: the fact that your brother murdered you, or that he put himself in horrible danger doing so and thus exposed you to the risk of losing him forever. lucanis' heart certainly has an opinion here and it's fucking unhinged (affectionate)

the themes of dissociation in lucanis' character in general makes me feel nuts. allllll these contradictory messy things he needs to cut off from each other because they can't coexist or be easily reconciled inside him. but all remain stubbornly true separately anyway and will have their due one day. love and resentment. tenderness and fear and rage. terror and longing. love and freedom don't coexist. the burned out golden child anthem is playing in the background. he was always caterina's favourite and he has to keep striving to deserve that dubious honour with every breath he takes and then, presumably, mercifully, some day he will die and be excused and can rest. and until now he's suppressed all the -- natural, healthy, protective! -- negative feelings that threaten the few attachment relationships he actually has, at the cost of ever actually having his needs for connection and safety met and leaving his core self imprisoned and compromised. and spite goes 'what. no. that's dumb fuck that' (*spite voice* I do not understand that and even if I did I would not respect it) and does not allow him to fall back into that, which I think is what saves his life, ultimately. it took being possessed by a demon for lucanis to even contemplate telling anyone he loves 'no' in any way, but hey. whatever gets you there right lol

lucanis is dealing with the freeze response allll the way down baby. and he was even before the ossuary, that just turbo powered it and brought it to a breaking point way before it could happen naturally. but something was going to break eventually no matter what, and I'm just glad that in the end, through the power of friendship and also pure spite, it doesn't have to be him

[pbnmj]

noir fanartists deliberately ignoring how he doesn't need glasses anymore is so funny to me. i hope we all think he's blind as a bat

[yume-fanfare]

lots of monsters ☆ sweet halloween (x)

[lokiiied]

ngl i got so scared they were gonna make mobius a fucking white picket fence two kids and a loving wife…and then they gave us “single dad” mobius “wife is long gone” hmm you’re really my friend? okay i ain’t arguing with a tall, handsome, dark haired stranger guess i’ll just follow you anywhere.

and then i was happy bc sylvie is so happy in her life!! by herself!!

and THEN i got so scared when loki & sylvie went for a drink and i was like alright here we go…and then i got “of course i know you. your friends are where they’re supposed to be. we’re writing our own stories. write your own.” and “i want my friends. i don’t want to be alone”

and then i was happy again bc she left to go listen to records!! and the record shop guy is cute! maybe she thought so. maybe not! she’s just vibing!!

and then i got, “it’s about who” while staring right at mobius.

what a fucking rollercoaster.

[nevarroes]

[fuckyeahchinesefashion]

Cnetizens: Send this to a friend who doesn't reply my messages

OP: Sorry, I actually replied by teleportation

[chosetoseethebestinyou]

*RTD writing a grand finale where old companions come back and he teases a David Tennant regeneration but then he just splits in half and one of him gets to live his well deserved happily ever after*

[idle-compy]

fits from my dream bc those decided to stick in my brain rather than the actual plot

(click for better quality)

[transformer-hardlyknowher]

Obsessive thoughts.

I had fun drawing this.

[anbaisai]

Do you do speedpaints? Your artstyle is so lovely, I honestly just want to see your process ♡

Thank you! I... actually haven't ever recorded my progress because I'm rather embarrassed about it (including how long it takes me to complete stuff that seem simple at a glance 😭), if you ever watch me draw I think it'd be very frustrating because it's almost never a linear process of sketch -> line art -> colours 💦. This is because I always notice problems I didn't notice at first in my sketch and have to frequently make up for it by re-sketching (and finding refs) in the middle of lining, or do a loooot of adjusting and fixing near the end. So it looks a bit more like sketch -> start line art -> several hours of fixing my mistakes and redoing parts -> FINALLY finish the lines -> colour -> possibly more fixing.

Redoing things in the middle results in the sketch usually looking quite different from the one I initially started with, so I can't even make a proper progress post unless I saved screenshots from earlier stages. HOWEVER. I do have one example I can share because I did send friends screenshots, so here's a rough idea of how I made this piece!

This was the sketch I started out with:

And then this is after I very obviously went to the bathroom mirror to get better refs:

I care a lot about getting anatomy correct even if parts are covered in the final product, so I usually can't avoid sketching the body before I add clothes, hence the different colours just to help myself understand the pose/anatomy better. It wouldn't be this much of a struggle if I sat down and did some more drills practicing anatomy properly via figure drawing or something, but well... I'm lazy... so I always just study the pose or anatomy I need for the piece on the spot.

Line art, which is usually the stage I put the most work into:

Colours + any special effects or final adjustments:

All in all, I'd say my steps are pretty straightforward and nothing special, but hopefully this was somewhat helpful!

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

Dude what if you drew more Barnaby in suspenders art, that would be kinda bonkers. (You don't have to)

it would be absolutely insane you're so right. you know what would be crazier

if it was Laughingstock

[dracothedeatheatingcupcake-ao3]

And that’s a wrap for Comic Con 2024! Ha, it was a lot of fun, but I really enjoyed dressing up as Mondo today! I even had a couple people recognize him! And a few others just liked the hair, one of whom asked how long it took me to get my hair like that, which tells me that at least it looks natural enough for people to mistake it as my actual hair, ha.

Overall, Comic Con was cool! On Thursday, I attended a live podcast recording for Braving the Elements, which is an Avatar the Last Airbender podcast hosted by Janet Varney and Dante Bosco (the voices of Korra and Zuko, respectively), and I actually got a trivia question right and I should (hopefully…) get an email from them soon to get a prize for answering the question right. If not… oh well. At least I’ll be featured briefly on the podcast answering trivia correctly, even though I usually suck at trivia, ha.

The rest of the days were a bit more meh, but I still had fun. I won a Pokeball ornament from a Hallmark panel, since I knew how many Squirtles were in the Squirtle Squad, aha. Which leaves my trivia score 2 for 2 at the moment.😅 I also got a free shirt and scarf for the upcoming Yakuza live action show, which was neat. I’ve never played Yakuza, but my brother has, so I was able to give him the shirt at least.

Still, while Comic Con was fun, I’m definitely glad it’s over so I can go home and clean up from my frantic cosplay creating the last several weeks, oof.

Also! On the first day I dressed at Taka, but since I was by myself I only have the one photo my dad was able to quickly take of me before he had to drive off and a quick selfie I took in the car.

[iizuumi]

[phoenixcatch7]

Loz fandom stop being angsty and give the daydreaming kids on big fun adventures with a cool glowing sword some actual whimsy and joy challenge