#still super tired though i slept for 10 hours last night and was only woken up by the postman ringing my doorbell

[queerstudiesnatural]

boy antidepressants sure are a good invention why have doctors not been giving these to me the whole time i feel sooooo much better

[pbandjesse]

I am very easily winded on this first day of 2025. I had a pretty productive day but I had to take a lot of breaks.

Last night was fun. Like it was a pretty low key New Year's Eve but it was good. Poor James was absolutely struggling to stay awake. I was fine but it was funny seeing them try so hard. They would paint their nails and toes and kept their sweater and jeans on to try and stay awake. At 10 was when I remembered about lemon pig and was so upset we didn't have a lemon but James was laughing when I suggested the lime juice bottle. I also suggested an onion but I was happy with what we came in with. It felt so joyful.

Ten minutes before midnight we went downstairs to get our basket and put shoes on. James was a little bumbly because they were tired and they bumped into me and caused a leaf from one of our plants went right into my eye and I was so distressed!!! But thankfully it does not hurt today but I was really upset for a little bit. But it was thankfully just funny once the fireworks went off.

We went outside after James did the first footing and gave me a kiss. And then a fox ran down the road??!! Ryan and their partner (I need to remember their name!) were also on their stairs and we were like. A fox!!! And then yelled happy new years to each other before going back inside.

We were pretty quick to go and get in bed. James was out super quick. I was up a little longer. Texting people well wishes and poking around online. But I was asleep before 1.

I slept alright. James would have liked more sleep but the sun woke me up again. Not my favorite way to be woken up. I texted James and slowly got myself to wake up. I did not want to get out of bed. I was super congested and sore. Thankfully my arm I got my vaccine in doesn't hurt as much, only if I press on it. It was still really tough to get out of bed.

When I did get up I went and started the shower and made the bed. It was a nice shower. And made me feel a little better. I was not feeling as bad and I used my new creme brulee lotion and felt good.

I got dressed and put up my hair and got ready for the day. I had cereal for breakfast. And was ready to be productive!

And I was. I started a new look project. I decided I wanted to use my large loom and all my fluffy yarn. Make a scrappy project instead of a planned color blanket. I think it'll be fun and pretty low stress. I didn't finished last year's temperature blanket, but that was mostly because two of the yarn balls were a different yarn and it just sucked to work with. I won't make that mistake again.

I worked on that for an hour or so. Auni texted me that she would be coming by to drop off two bags of books for baby. So I waited in the studio so I could hear the door and kept working on my knitting even though I really wanted to stop because my back hurts. James says that the cushion for my y new chair should be in tomorrow so I will be able a much more comfortable place to work on my set.

Auni came by and I was so happy to see her. She had the to just drop and go because her babies were in the car and they were going to the train to garden. She said she liked our ceiling mural though! I thanked her for the books and was happy to jump into my next project.

Which was putting the books away. I had to take a lot of breaks today but I really did get a lot done. I went through all the books and found space on the cubby shelf for them. I was very happy.

I would do a ton of work in the baby room today. I would go through all the clothes again. I hung up hooks on the walls and put together little outfits. I would also make a hanging bar for even more of the clothes. And that allowed me to have more space in the dresser. Which I then sorted and labeled and that helped me feel less overwhelmed. I also went through the older kid clothes in the closet and sorted and labeled the boxes in there. And it made me feel so much better. This would be a few hours of the day with lots of breaks but it was just so nice being in that room. It's such a nice place and I am excited for our baby to enjoy it.

I would have my leftover Indian food for lunch. And decided I would need to clean out our fridge. It has been smelling a little sour. So once I was done eating I took everything out of the fridge.

I cleaned all the surfaces. And there wasn't much that actually needed to be gotten rid of but everything is much better organized and everything is actually clean and it made me feel awesome.

Once I got everything back in there I went and tried to start painting the new rack I got for the kitchen but it wasn't working very well. I find it so annoying to paint round things. So I will probably spray paint that tomorrow. But that was fine.

I made an iced chai and went and laid in the guest room. That is where I have my pregnancy pillow set up and with the firmer mattress it helped my back pain a lot. Sweetp joined me and laid directly on my hair. Rude. But it was nice that he wanted to be with me.

I would continue to do work in the baby room. I did some stuff in our bedroom. Hung up a few things. I decided that our one blanket wall on the staircase will be reserved for any set baby eventually makes. We will just wallpaper it with all of her work. It's gonna be great. Can't wait for her to have the dexterity for that.

I had leftover pizza for an early dinner. And waited for James to come home. I would do a few small things. Fixing a few things that needed fixing. And decided I wanted James to hang a mirror when they got home.

And they did! I was very happy to see James. And once they had caught their breath they came upstairs and I showed them how I wanted the mirror hung at baby height so she can see herself. I may set up a bar like a ballet bar for her to be able to pull herself up?? I'm thinking of the future. We will see what happens.

My back was killing me. I was on the couch in the baby room and my back was just screaming. James sat with me and we talked and hung out but eventually I had to go downstairs to use my heating pad because it was so bad.

The heating pad helped but it isn't quick. Sweetp and I'm James joined me

James made their own dinner and would get on a call with their friends to play a game. I would hang out for a little while but eventually went back upstairs.

I cleaned up and painted my nails. Just glitter this time. And I picked a different outfit for tomorrow. And I tape out a mural idea I have for the hallway but I'm not positive about that yet. It was just fun to tape out some blocks.

Now I'm laying in the guest room again. I am getting tired and will probably go wash my face soon. I have a stress test in the morning and then I plan on going to pick up some stuff at Home Depot for some ideas I have. I hope it's a good day. I hope you all had a good for see r of the year. Sleep well everyone!! Goodnight!!

[parentingtheoryandpractice]

11 Weeks of Maya

Last week, I was thinking I should do these a little less often, but then I reread a bunch of my weekly summaries of how things were when Lydia was a baby, and I changed my mind! She continued to change pretty quickly for months. 

Will was gone one night this week. Having him gone is starting to feel more normal. We also an eventful week because Lydia fell (and then Zeke fell on her) and knocked her tooth out of place. The upshot is that everything is fine—it’s a baby tooth and she’s 6.5, so we’re supposed to just wait until it fall out, but we went to the ER on Wednesday (after the One Medical doctor on the phone said we should), and then to the dentist Friday morning. Plus, Lydia was scared to eat for a while, and felt sick until I finally taught her how to take bites with her side teeth. 

None of that is very much about Maya, but that’s what we’ve been up to.

We also went to park day on Monday, and hung out with a friend and her baby on Friday. Given that Maya and they other baby spent some time looking at each other in our baby play area, I’m calling that she’s had her first playdate :-).

Sleeping

Maya is sleeping in even more! I think today she got up at 9. 

We had a really weird sleep day on Thursday night. Maya slept from around 4:30-10:30 (in the wrap and then on the bed next to me, while intermittently nursing and peeing once or twice), and then was up for another couple of hours before she went to sleep for the night. Not sure what was up with that, but it’s rare that I have an evening to lie in bed next to her like that, so it’s unlikely to happen again soon in any event.

Eating

Maya is definitely looking bigger. I put her in a 3-6m outfit and it basically fit.

EC

EC is going pretty well! I’m continuing to have some luck with nighttime EC, which is very nice. 

We did not have any poop misses this week.

Some days we only use a few diapers, and some days we use a lot more. Pottying outside the house is going pretty well too for now. And I have a reusable pottette plus cover that is working well when I’m not near a toilet (like at the park).

Maya seems to be pooping a few times a day, but I have the sense that if I were less patient about waiting for her to poop she would poop less often.

Babywearing

Babywearing is still great! Maya has been noticeably happier on the floor this week, so I probably did a tiny bit less, but it’s still a lot. The emergency room visit would have been harder but doable without babywearing, since Will was there for that and Zeke was with our babysitter, and the dentist’s visit would have been much harder without it, since that was just me and all three kids.

Motor Skills

Maya is noticeably better at bringing her arms together across the front of her body, and also at putting her fingers in her mouth (on purpose? kind of? hard to tell?).

The fingers in her mouth thing is super nice, since she actually manages to soothe herself some by sucking on them. I hadn’t remembered either of my other two doing much of this as babies, but my notes say Lydia did, so maybe I’m wrong about that. Zeke does actually suck and check on his fingers a little now, but I think that started more after he weaned. 

Rolling continues to go well, and Maya is in general happier being on her tummy for longer.

Communication

Maya is seeming quite a bit like she’s laughing, even though it isn’t like a belly laugh or anything. And in general she’s much more socially responsive to what’s going on around her. She’s been really happy watching Zeke and the dogs run around a few times, in addition to responding well when we’ve tried to play with her.

Personality/Other

Evening fussy time hasn’t felt like a thing at all some nights, and when we’ve had it it’s been pretty mild. 

Also, as I said above, Maya is having much longer happy stretches in her play area! If she isn’t hungry and she’s peed recently, she’s good there for quite a while after she wakes up. As she gets more tired and closer to having her next nap, then it doesn’t really work anymore. And earlier in the day is a happier time, as seems to be normal for babies. 

But it’s very cool! It gives me more opportunities to do things that are hard to do while holding a baby, and it’s been a lot easier for Zeke to interact with Maya too.

Siblings

As I said, Zeke has been playing with Maya more, including pretending to make her talk :-). 

Lydia still loves to hold her, though there’s been a little less of that the past few days with her tooth injury and then refiguring out how to eat.

Dogs

Maya seems to sometimes think the dogs are funny! I’m glad she does, because watching dogs interact with each other is one of my very favorite things.

Me

It’s funny—last week I said I was settling in for a long haul. This week, partly because of rereading my Lydia summaries, it’s more salient to me how quickly things really do change. It’s starting to feel real how Maya will soon be sitting, clawing, playing with toys, starting to communicate more, and all that stuff. 

I got some time in talking with friends, which is always good for my well-being. And it didn’t feel that overwhelming having Will gone for two days and a night. I did feel like my solo parenting battery was running out by the end, but mostly just the last two hours before he came home. And I think I would have had a more left if I hadn’t woken up early to drag everyone to the dentist.

It’s still somewhat iffy to find time to do what I think of as normal house maintenance stuff, especially on days Will is gone, but it’s okay. What I learned at some point is that I need to prioritize dishes and laundry, and after that picking stuff up. Other things, like cleaning surfaces, don’t take that much longer if you let them go longer. But dishes, laundry, and picking stuff up is the opposite—it takes longer the longer you leave it. 

[scottrunsultras]

Never Summer 100k recap

Wow.  Where to begin?  I’ll start by saying that this was by far the hardest race that I’ve ever run.  I realize that I DNF’ed Leadville last year.  But if it wasn’t for my terrible hydration management, I have no doubt that I would have finished that.  Never Summer is at roughly the same altitude as Leadville, has the same amount of vert but crammed into only 2/3 of the distance, and is orders of magnitude more technical.  I wanted a challenge this year since I was still reeling a little from Leadville last summer.  Finishing the Javelina 100 was a nice little bounce-back.  But I wanted to prove to myself that I could handle a real, difficult, high mountain ultra.  This definitely qualified.

Despite all of the hand-wringing in previous blog posts about my dead quads, my legs felt pretty good.  The taper seemed to do exactly what I needed it to do.  Because I was super excited and energized and my body felt reasonably strong.  Though one thing that I really screwed up was sleep.  I’m a notoriously bad pre-race sleeper and I tell people all the time that I never sleep before races and it always turns out fine.  Well, I really tested that this year.  I think I slept very close to 0 minutes the night before this race.  I was camping out and had nothing to do.  So I was in bed by 8:00.  I felt pretty drowsy so I figured that maybe I’d actually sleep.  But everyone else was still awake.  So I dozed a little for maybe an hour - constantly being woken up by people and cars.  And after that, I didn’t sleep again.  At about 3:40, I got tired of laying there and got up.  I felt super energized, but that could only last for so long.  The good news is that I was able to rest my legs, but also keep them loose.  So I actually felt pretty good when the race started.  No heel soreness or quad issues.

The race started with a couple of easy miles and then a monster climb.  And I got a quick preview of what the rest of the race would be like.  Rocks everywhere and steep climbs and descents.  We’d climb to the top of a mountain and just come down the side of it.  No switchbacks here.  I maybe ran the very few easy sections a little harder than I should.  For some reason I can’t seem to convince myself that my standard pacing doesn’t apply at 10,000 feet.  At least not at the beginning.  So my legs were already beat by the mid teens.  But they came back leading into the Diamond aid station at mile 17 and I was able to get in a few good miles before the real fun started.

The Diamond Peak ascent is the crux of this race and the thing that everyone talks about.  Like Maiden Peak in the Waldo 100k and Hope Pass in the Leadville 100.  In all it’s a 2200 foot climb in 2.2 miles.  But it’s the final climb that was hard to comprehend.  Strava claims it was a 40% grade but that feels low.  It was a 600 foot climb in 1/3 of a mile directly up the side of the mountain - up to a max elevation of 11,900 feet.  It’s hard to describe how difficult it was - and it took forever.  But it’s definitely one of those moments that I won’t forget.

After summiting Diamond we ran along the ridge line over lesser peaks for about 3 miles, getting blasted with 60 mph winds and sideways hail - since it seems impossible to ever be on a ridge line in Colorado without catching bad weather.  Once off the ridge, running down a rugged jeep trail I spent a couple of miles talking to another runner about various races.  She had run this before and told me the last 20 miles suck because they’re boring and runnable.  It sounded great to me.  At that point it became a mantra of mine to just survive until mile 44 and then take advantage of the easier finish - hoping that it actually was an easier finish.  That made me a little less bummed out when I was struggling.

There was a 10 mile gap between aid stations starting at around mile 30 and that ended up being the hardest part of the race for me.  With the much hyped Diamond Peak ascent behind me, it became yet another super rocky and technical climb back up above the tree line.  I was really starting to feel the fatigue of not sleeping at this point and I was feeling the abuse of 30+ rocky miles on my feet.  I felt okay from a metabolic and strength standpoint and I wasn’t nauseous at all.  But physically the race had taken its toll and I started to mentally lose optimism.  I was well beyond hoping for a strong finish that I’d secretly hoped for (sub 17:00) and was starting to doubt my main goal of finishing before midnight (sub 18:30).  I wasn’t really able to run anything at this point.  I struggle on rocks to begin with and my feet were hurting enough to make me even worse.  To top off a brutal stretch, I got completely blasted by a thunderstorm a mile or so before the aid station in a completely exposed section of jeep road.

It was a 5 mile out and back to Clear Lake from the next aid station.  1600 feet up and then back down again.  I was feeling super negative at this point.  But I still had hope that the trail would magically get easier after this.  So I started digging into the bag of tricks (meds) to try to turn my race around.  I fear taking too much caffeine because I don’t want to burn myself up.  But at this point I was ready for the extra boost.  I also started taking advil for the low grade heel pain and feet full of blisters.  I got a little boost when at the top of Clear Lake, they told me I was #99 out of something like 340 starters.  At this point I thought I was in the back half, so that was cool.  By the time I got back down to the aid station, I was feeling better and I was ready for the easy part.

And it actually was easy.  At least the 6 miles to the next aid station was pretty easy and I ran (shambled/shuffled) almost all of it.  The trail smoothed out quite a bit, with very few rocks.  Though there was a lot of mud in places and several river crossings.  The mud in my shoes and socks really didn’t help my trashed feet.  But this was bliss compared to what I’d been running on.

I had these visions of cruising flattish, easy sections to the finish.  Those visions never really became a reality.  From 50 to 56 was a 900 foot climb and from 56 to 62 was a 1000 foot climb - this one back on semi-rugged terrain.  But I had found it in me to slow-jog basically all of the downhills and flats and slower-jog/power hike all of the ups.  I was averaging around 12:00-13:00 miles on the downs and flats and 14:00-16:00 on the gentle ups.  And the same-day finish started to look like it could be a reality again.  The last 2.2 miles actually was the flat cruising that I had hoped for.  I crossed the finish in 18:13:50.  Good for #87 of 341 starters (26th percentile).  

Again, super hard race.  But it was exactly what i wanted to prove to myself that I could do.  I DNFed Leadville last year because I couldn’t dial in my hydration and nutrition at high altitude.  I had that nailed.  Three ultras in a row finishing in the top 30%.  I feel like I’ve actually gotten better this year after 3 years of standing still or going backwards since the magical summer of 2014.  I’m still a mid-pack ultra runner, but now I’m becoming an upper-mid-pack ultra runner.  Also, a strong finish after historically falling apart at the end of races and having to walk in easy sections.  I came out of the North Fork 50 the first weekend in June with a plan of how I’d train for this race, and it seems to have worked very well.  I actually feel super satisfied with this.  Sure it would have been nice to go sub-18:00 or hit some other arbitrary mark.  But running very technical terrain is something that I’ve always struggled with and is made worse by my heel injuries.  So I think I hit my 2018 potential. 

So what’s next?  In 2 weeks I’m running the Steamboat Stinger trail marathon in Steamboat Springs.  The next weekend I’m pacing a friend in the Leadville 100.  Then 2 weeks after that I’m running the Grand Traverse from Crested Butte to Aspen.  The original plan was then to run the Javelina 100 again at the end of October.  But now I’m second guessing that.  I feel like I could have a nice improvement over last year and it’s a fun race.  But I have big plans for next year.  I’m definitely running Leadville again in August 2019 and the plan is to earn my first Hardrock 100 lottery ticket with the Bighorn 100 in June.  I’m thinking it may be a smarter idea to finish my 2018 ultra season in Aspen and get an early start on an off-season of heel rehab, getting faster, and cutting body fat.  I have at least a month to think about it.

[syllic-wyrd]

This turned out longer than I intended. I’m in a rambling mood and my sleep has been especially shitty for the past month. I don’t sleep the best to begin with, but every so often it just hits the fan and this has been for an extended period and I’m just exhausted.

I finally think I made headway in my sleep research. I keep forgetting to call the psych, who my gp said I should talk to him about it last month lol. Anyways, after doing some research into if it’s just adhd (which can cause insomnia) and doing my own sleep hygiene changes and hitting everything on the checklist for that, I’ve figured out that caffiene did affect me a little (my insomnia isn’t as extreme before, but I’ll test that out tomorrow for sure), it’s not fully the cause. I’m sleeping more so I’ll continue to watch when I have caffiene, but I still have problems falling asleep and staying asleep.

But instead of 3-5 hours of sleep (and a few days, 0 hours), since I cut caffiene I’m back to hitting 5-7 on average. Sooo much better, but still doesn’t address my difficulty falling asleep and general all day tiredness.

Sleep problems have plagued for as long as I can remember. I didn’t realize I had insomnia as a kid until my mom, one night somewhere around 5th or 6th grade, walked in on me reading a book around midnight, despite my bedtime around 8. Even at sleepovers, I was always the last one asleep, if I slept at all. Anyways, Mom came in and asked why I was still up and I was just like “????? reading of course????” 

Then I learned about insomnia. I was also the only middle schooler that (at least admitted to it or said anything about it) who loved taking naps. Naps were wonderful. Still are. I’ve been napping for such a long time.

Anyways. Issues sleeping. Forever. So in middle school, again, I learned meditation before I knew what it was. The ‘super guaranteed trick to make you sleep in 20 mins!’ where you start at your feet, relax the muscles, then move up your body, mentally making your muscles to relax and learning to still my ever racing thoughts in it. It helped for sure. Suddenly I could sleep for more than a few hours (that was adhd helping keep me awake, the racing thoughts and mind). But I was still always tired.

Mornings were (and are) the absolute worst. I never woke up on time, my mom had to come in and force me up. Until I realized that I had to literally throw myself out of bed the second I heard my alarm. Like, I hear it, and chuck the covers off, throw my legs over and stand up, all before I can fully open my eyes or think a single thought. It’s still a struggle to get my thoughts to work. People call my morning self ‘zombie’ me, because its legit like a zombie. My eyes are barely open, i can’t think, it’s all just muscle memory of my morning routine.

I had to learn ways to keep awake during classes, during general school and university (though the latter was easier because i planned classes accordingly. that is, not early at all lol and then I chugged coffee in the afternoon). I started drinking coffee at 12 years old and it helped a little bit for a little while, but then it stopped working and now I’m just left with a caffiene addiction lol

So that’s kind of a history. Minus the common sleep paralysis and constant nightmares (which I’ve learned to fall right back asleep through because they’re common).

I was researching the difference between adhd insomnia and sleep disorder insomnia because I’ve no doubt that was most of my problem growing up and thought maybe its still got me in its clutches despite all my trying.

So, my natural sleep schedule, when there’s no school or work, is fall asleep around 3am and wake up around 10am. When I can stick to that schedule, I actually feel rested afterwards and its easy to fall asleep. I feel the best on that schedule. Because of that, I always worked evening shifts. After high school, I worked took the latest shift, often getting off at midnight. In university, I still managed to get jobs that wouldn’t ask me to do morning shifts, all evening, with the latest letting me off at midnight again. I also tried to plan classes around this, with no classes before 930.

But now, I’m stuck at a normal hours job and it fucking sucks. I wake up at 530 am and go to bed at 830 and its so fucking rough and I’m always tired, stealing naps in my few breaks and a nap at home after school (but it’s never restful because the falling asleep issue). After almost 2 years, it’s fucking awful. Everyone around says I should adjust, or I will adjust because that’s natural, but I’ve never been able to adjust. Never.

Anyways, in my research, something just dropped and I was like ‘fuck, that sounds spot on like me’ and it’s called Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder/Syndrome/Whatever. People who have this fall asleep between 1-3am and wake up somewhere around 10-Noon. They cannot adjust to another sleep pattern. So they have trouble falling asleep before that. It’s also like getting woken up in the normal feeling sleep schedule (so like being woken up to the equivalent of midnight or 1am) So they’re tired throughout the day.

This is opposed to people who like the nighttime more than daytime. Those people can switch their sleep schedule after a week or two and feel rested and sleep through the night. But with dspd, it’s fighting a losing battle and that’s cause its a problem with your internal alarm clock completely. It’s just got shifted hours. and it doesn’t want to shift to a normal time.

Anyways, if my continuing with sleep hygiene keeps going with no development on my overall tiredness, I’m likely to go in and talk to psych about that possibility.

for those who are curious, here is a list for sleep hygiene:

7-9 hours of sleep (different sources say different things): Sometimes check.

Go to bed at the same time every night, even weekends (This is also same for when you wake up): check (cause i’m already so tired on the weekends anyways).

Quiet place to sleep: Absolutely check. With Adhd, if there’s any noise, I will not sleep.

Keep bedroom dark and cool: check and check. Again, if there’s light, I will not sleep. I do keep it cool because it helps according to science, tho it doesn’t feel like it.

Your bed is only used for sleep or sex: check and check. I spend no extra in the bedroom except to sleep.

No screens (phones, tvs, etc): check-ish. I have an e-reader but it’s on night mode. so no blue light, very dim lighting, and black background.

Follow a bedtime routine: check. I don’t play video game an hour before, I stay off the computer, and I mindlessly zone out in front of the tv or do mindless apps on my phone, then at 830, i brush my teeth, take some heartburn medicine, go upstairs, and read until i can fall asleep.

Limit daytime naps: check. I ain’t got time to nap.

No caffiene after the afternoon: recently check. I’ll keep this test going to see if its an effect for me.

Exercise: lol no

That’s about what’s the same for every place that mentions sleep hygiene. I do almost every single one of these and still just ugh. Hence why I think it’s more.

I also forgot to mention that with dspd, when given the chance, its a very quick reversion back to the natural sleep wake times, which is also true. I have to be careful not to mess up what progress i have made, though i sincerely want to

[itsfoxseo-blog]

Possessed (M)

Pairing: Reader x Jackson, reader x Yoongi

Word count: 15k+

Genre: Demon AU!, angst( TRIGGER:mentions of abuse, suicide, and strong emotions), fluff, comedy, slight gore, smut, minor mentions of descriptive dirty talk and name calling, cream pie, unsafe sex. 

Warnings: Mentions of suicidal thoughts, unhealthy relationships, cheating, abuse, gore. 

A/N: “I just thought of this while at work last night so I typed it out without really re-reading it or editing it! Hopefully it isn’t complete trash!”

(PHOTO IS NOT MINE)

________________________________________________________________

The cold night air whipped through your hair wildly, groaning slightly at the annoyance you pulled the hat you were wearing down further to hopefully tame your locks a bit. It had been a busy hectic night, working two jobs seemed easier than it was and you just wanted to take a long hot bath before sleeping in your own bed.

Looking up at the night sky as you quickly weaved through the crowds of people trying to get home as quickly as you could you noticed it was a full moon, tilting your head for just a moment you felt like you had heard something about the moon going into something. Super moon? Moon in gemini? You couldn’t remember properly, all you knew was it was going to result in some interesting work for you tomorrow night most likely.

Using one hand you pulled your phone out ot check the time, 1:45 am. Sighing you knew that he’d most likely still be out, not that you cared anymore but it was always irritating being woken up by his drunken loud self after the clubs and bars would cut him off.

You checked through your notifications while waiting at a crosswalk, some of your friends had messaged you asking you to come out- though when you checked what time they sent those requests you felt a little disheartened. One thing about your side job was that it usually always ran late and most always called you in when you were about to make plans, the messages were sent a little over two hours ago. Though you knew you could still go out if you really wanted to, the clubs didn’t close until 10 am, some of them staying open into the afternoon.

You just weren’t feeling it, though you noted that the next time you’d have time you would seize the opportunity to finally let yourself escape for a little bit, if only for one night. You had taken up a second job to save up money, the side job paying incredibly well if the client was serious about it. You had more than enough to make your own escape but being the careful person you’d like to believe you were, you thought you should save up triple the amount that you needed. Typing out with one hand as you crossed the road you replied with your sad rejection at the idea and smiled when he started to type back only moments after you had sent the message.

Namjoon had always been someone who’d shown genuine concern and love for you as the years went on, friends had come and gone like the seasons yet he remained a constant in your life. Just as a friend of course, he had introduced you to some of his friends who- like him, also stayed in your life. Maybe they stayed because you weren’t around enough for them to want to leave but either way, you were content with it.

Namjoon: That’s alright we’ll let you know what we’re doing again next weekend! Text me when you get home, if he gives you any issues just call me and I’ll come get you.

Smiling you quickly typed out a response.

You: Thanks, I really want to get wasted one of these nights. I’ll let you know, thank you.

Just as before it only took a few seconds before he was typing out his response, the little dots on the screen letting you know.

Namjoon: Of course.

Slipping your phone back into your pocket you let out a dramatic sigh as you were greeted by the doorman to your apartment complex, giving him a small wave you made your way into the building and to your apartment.

--

The sound of your password being accepted chimed into the empty apartment, grunting as you threw your shoes off and tossed your heavy coat and scarf somewhere on the floor. The only thing you handled with care was your work bag, the contents being somewhat fragile. After you placed it in the closet you started to strip your clothes off, picking them up and tossing them into a hamper that was overflowing with your clothes. 

Now completely naked you made your way to the bathroom, staring at yourself in the mirror you licked at your chapped lips before chewing on the lower lip. You looked wrecked, tired, and in your own opinion- like shit. No wonder he hasn't tried anything with you lately, he had barely been around when you were home. The only times he seemed to be home were on sunday afternoons, nursing a hangover or at the early hours of the morning before heading off to his own job. Still staring at your reflection you thought about your relationship, where it had all gone wrong. How it all went wrong, you’d known for almost a year now and he still didn’t think you knew. He still told you sweet nothings, still attempted to appear innocent in your eyes.

 At first- when you found out, you were so stressed out and in shock from it all that you fell ill. You even had to be hospitalized, you lost weight and your health plummeted. He slept by your side in the hospital which made it even worse, you wanted to die. You wanted to end everything, leave a note and let him live with the guilt of being the reason you had ended it all. 

You had wanted nothing more than to watch him squirm in self loathing, unfortunately you learned that would never happen. Coming to your senses while you would watch his sleeping figure every night in the hospital bedroom you realized someone like him, someone who would lie to your face every single day and still be by your side showing no signs of guilt- would never feel what you wanted him to. You had been together for four years, he was your first serious relationship. You had opened yourself up to him reluctantly after giving in to his constant pursuit of you. You had spilled almost everything about yourself to him, the trauma you went through, the betrayal you’ve experienced before and the lies everyone of your past always tried feeding you. He swore he’d never be like them, he’d promised with tears in his eyes and a look of pure passion and determination that he would never hurt you like they did. But surprise surprise, he did. Walking over to the large jetted tub you turned the faucet on to start filling the tub up, sitting on the edge of it with your hands clasped together as your mind went over it all over and over again.

 After being released from the hospital you had tried to convince yourself it was a misunderstanding, as stupid as that was. You knew for a fact what he had done, and what he was still doing. You just didn’t have the strength or the money to let him go, for months you tried to ignore it and live with him as you did before. Though once you had uncovered the truth you only noticed very obvious signs of his infidelity, everything started to become clearer as time went on. You only felt pain and sorrow for a month, after that it was pure rage and hatred. You still wanted him, which made you even angrier, you wouldn’t refuse his touch and gave into him even when he smelt like the others. 

You’d cry to yourself while in the shower, silently so he wouldn’t hear. Though part of you wished he would, you wanted him to know your pain but the other part wanted him to see how devoted you were to him. For him to realize what he would lose, for him to come clean himself. He never did. You had mood swings more often then you’d like to admit, more times where you were tempted to jump off the balcony just to rid yourself of the images and sounds that were burned into your brain. Times where you’d shower him with so much love and affection in hopes he’d stay with you and stop seeing the others, he got annoyed with you. He told you that you were acting strange, you started stress eating. 

You gained weight, he had noticed your mood swings accompanied with the slight weight gain and the next time you had arrived home you were met with a note and a pregnancy test on your bed. “Tell me the results, we’ll sort out what to do if it’s positive” Nothing else, no “I love you” no nothing. 

You had taken it because it was bought and even though you knew it was going to be negative you did it anyways, it came back negative. Snapping a photo you sent it to him, “It’s negative” you had sent with it. The message had been read but no reply was ever given, in fact he never mentioned it ever again. 

Tapping your fingers against the porcelain you turned and switched the faucet off, stepping into the tub you let the burning hot water scald your skin. Pain was something you were use to, heat didn’t really have an effect on you anymore. 

Closing your eyes you tried to focus on what you felt remembering it all, something you did often to test how much you still cared about it all. You felt little to nothing, what you did feel was numbness and anger. Mostly numbness, your friends being the only happiness in your life now, he had snuffed out the light inside you when he had decided to cheat and lie. As time went on you had decided to push the truth from him, watching him panic and try to cover up his own mistakes was always humorous for you. Correcting the stories he’d fabricate, “The dentist? I thought you were golfing?” you’d ask even though he had actually said he was going to the gym. He’d laugh nervously and say “Oh right! Sorry it’s just been so busy today babe” before giving the top of your head a quick kiss and running to the bathroom. 

Or when you’d pick up his phone and ask who’s name that was on his notifications, he’d snatch the phone away so fast it almost made you impressed with his reflexes. He’d say it was a co worker, a cousin, a friend. You thought he knew you knew, though using your own wit you’d learned that he thought you were just very content and not at all suspicious of anything after awhile. 

He had thought you were completely sure he’d never leave or hurt you, something he had hoped he would make you feel. What sickened you the most was that he wanted you still, he wanted you to be his constant while the others were ever changing. He was so stupid, you had already sent a few boxes to Namjoon’s, he had offered to beat the shit out of Jackson when he had heard about what was going on. Though all you asked was a place to keep some things as you slowly faded from Jackson’s life, a man who could light up an entire room and pump everyone up. Who would’ve thought he could do this, you most certainly didn’t think it was possible. 

--

Scrubbing your face with a washcloth covered in hot water and face wash you got rid of the makeup from the day, the sounds of the bathroom door opening making you freeze. Rinsing your face quickly you reached over to the side of the tub and patted your face dry before looking to the door, him. “Oh hey, you’re home” you said in a monotone voice, before relaxing more into the water. Jackson smirked at you as his eyes raked over your body that was hidden beneath the water, “Mind if I join babe?” he asked already stripping his clothing off.

 “I actually want to de-stress if you don’t mind” mentally imagining yourself drowning him as you stared at his now naked form. You noticed the red marks and bruising on his chest and pelvic area, raising a brow you decided not to say anything. Normally Jackson only stripped in the dark or changed in the bathroom, you knew why but it was odd that he wasn’t trying to hid the love marks you hadn’t given him. 

Jackson made his way over to the tub anyways, “Don’t be like that babe, just let me help you relax” he said in a sultry tone. Shrugging you brought your knees to your chest, reaching to the corner of the tub you grabbed a bath bomb and dropped it in. You didn’t want to constantly stare at the marks given to him by other women, though you were happy to notice that your stomach didn’t churn at the sight. No anxiety was triggered by the sight, it meant you were finally moving on emotionally from him even quicker than you had thought. 

Jackson stared at the fizzing orb for a few seconds too long making you cough awkwardly, “Something wrong?”. Jackson shook his head before climbing into the colorful water, “Shit! Why is it so hot?!” he shouted as his foot flinched back from the waters. Frowning you looked at him confused, he knew you loved taking scorching hot baths so why was he confused now? “Jackson you know I like my water this hot, I always have”. You noticed his eyes scanning the water before swallowing thickly, as he lowered himself into the water you felt your lips turn upright into a smile at his discomfort. “Sorry babe, I must’ve forgot” he nervously laughed out, finally settling in the waters he went silent as he stared at your body. Stretching your legs out since there was plenty of room for that in the oversized jetted tub you reached over again to the corner and grabbed a bubble bar, placing it in the water and breaking it apart while sloshing the water about. 

Bubbles meant more privacy even if it meant too many chemicals in the water, Jackson’s form seemed to be entranced by the rapidly growing number of bubbles as you kept making more and more until the bar was gone. Glancing at Jackson you saw he was now staring at you, a smirk on his lips as he slowly made his way over to your side of the tub. Your body was still use to his advances, not tensing up as you would’ve liked. “What are you doing Jackson?” you asked un-amused as he wedged himself between your legs with his arms on either side of them. “I want to help you relax a little kitten” he chuckled darkly as he leaned closer to your face as if going in for a kiss, your suspicions confirmed when he closed his eyes and started puckering his lips. 

You kept leaning your head back trying to move away from his advances, you were sure at least four chins had appeared on you while trying to lean farther and farther away from him. Finally you just turned your head, his lips collided with your cheek. You could feel him pull back, obviously surprised by your rejection “Awe come on, stop playing hard to get. Be good for me kitten”. 

Your brows furrowed as you finally registered the unfamiliar term he used with you, he never called you anything other than babe or “_____”. Turning to look him in the face you studied his eyes, pupils dilated much larger than normal. Groaning you placed a hand on your head, “I’m sorry Jackson, my head just hurts so much” you whined dramatically. He must’ve been on something, he normally didn’t act like this. At least not anymore, you watched as he moved away from you a bit with an irritated look on his face. “I’m sorry...I know you must’ve wanted some steamy bathtub sex but my head is just killing me” you whined out in a small voice, Jackson sighed before smiling weakly. “It’s fine, let's get you to bed yeah?” he stepped out of the tub and wrapped a towel around his waist before turning to you and extending a hand, reluctantly you took it and stepped out. 

You could see the hunger in his eyes as he watched the suds run down your curves that had been hidden in the water, an animalistic growl leaving his body as he pulled you into him. His hands ran up and down your sides before gripping your plump ass, “Damn kitten why were you hiding all this from me?” he practically moaned out as he pressed himself against your wet form. Placing both of your hands on his chest you pushed away, “My headache Jackson, I really can’t do this right now” you whimpered out. Looking up at him you pouted, it was all for show but he didn’t know that. Jackson sighed in annoyance and quickly released your body, turning to leave the bathroom without so much as a word to you. You were mad but pleased that he had left you alone, though when he was leaving the room you did notice the scratch marks on his back that once again- you did not leave. Clicking your tongue you wrapped a towel around your body and walked out of the bathroom heading for your room, you had been staying in the guest room for awhile. 

Telling Jackson it was because of the different sleep schedules you both had, he seemed to buy it. Walking past your once shared bedroom you saw Jackson sitting on the edge of the bed watching something on the TV, once you reached your room you stepped inside and dropped the towel to find some comfy clothes. “____? Where are you?” Jackson’s voice rang out, wasn’t it obvious? You had gone to your room, he was acting so strange, even for him. “Getting clothes” you replied flatly and with little to no volume, you didn’t really care if he heard or not. 

Sounds of footsteps sounded before you could tell he was at your doorway, “What? I’m just getting clothes”. 

“Why in this room though? Why aren’t you in our room?” he asked, making you freeze and turn to look at him with a bewildered look on your face. “This is my room Jackson, my clothes are in here because this is where they’re kept”, apparently he wasn’t aware of that because his eyes widened with shock before he walked away into the living area.

 You could hear him padding around the apartment, “Why are you staying apart from me? Did I do something?”. His form was once again at your door, though this time you were clothed and even more confused by his behavior, “Our sleep schedules are so different now, it’s hard for me to sleep. I told you this months ago Jackson”. A sense of panic seemed to fill him momentarily before he nodded, “Oh..Oh! Right sorry I just, I meant I was confused why you were still doing that. Doesn’t it make you sad to sleep away from me?”. Sighing you smiled at him, a fake smile of course, “Jackson I know but I really need sleep since I work so often. It’s hard with you coming home at unholy hours of the night”. You could’ve sworn you saw a twitch in his smile as you said that, “I just miss you is all” he said before scratching the back of his head. Sitting on the edge of your bed you watched as he took a step past your doorway before hissing loudly and retreating backwards, “You okay? What happened?” you asked honestly surprised at his reaction. 

Getting up you looked around the room to see if he had stepped on something, you were hoping it was a rusty nail or possibly glass that was coated in something that could give him an infection. “That’s odd” you mumbled, noticing nothing on the floor. Jackson was breathing erratically before he laughed and gripped his foot, “Sorry I stubbed my toe somehow” he said through gritted teeth. “There’s nothing to stub it on though?” you said before crouching down to look at his foot that he was gripping, “Ah don’t look it’s fine I just stubbed it a little”. 

Shrugging you walked out of your bed room and went to the kitchen to make something to eat, as you moved around the kitchen you felt the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end. Turning around you saw Jackson sitting on the stool at the island watching you, he was wearing pajamas now thankfully. He rarely wore a shirt though so it did seem odd he was wearing one now, ignoring him you made yourself some eggs and hopped up on the counter to eat them. 

Jackson continued to watch you which made you nervous and angry, “What?” you asked with a mouthful of egg. Jackson just stared at you without saying anything, shooting him a dirty look you kept eating. Shoving the last spoonful of egg into your mouth you jumped down from the counter and walked to the sink to place the dishes in it, a gasp leaving your mouth making you scramble to swallow the rest of your eggs down before they fell out of your mouth. Jackson’s hands gripped your hips as he pinned you against the sink, grinding into you as his mouth moved against your neck. “J-Jackson, I don’t want to I still have a headache” you stammered out, his body tensed up momentarily before releasing you.

 “I just want to feel you kitten, I want to see you squirming beneath me begging me to fuck your sweet little cunt” he said in a deep gravelly voice that sent a shock wave through your body. You didn’t want him, didn’t want to touch him and didn’t want him to touch you. Spinning around your breathing hitched as you saw his blown out pupils, it was almost like his eyes were completely black. “Not tonight” you stated firmly. Closing his eyes he took a deep breath before exhaling and opening them again, his eyes seemed normal now, not as creepy. “Sorry, it can wait until you’re feeling better. Goodnight _____”, a quick kiss to your forehead and he left you in the kitchen with your thoughts as he went back into his room. The sound of the door shutting allowed you to release a breath you didn't notice you were holding, grinding your teeth you felt embarrassed at how his words had shook you. Jackson never was one for dirty talk, never wanted to try anything other than typical things, or at least that’s how he was with you. 

Maybe he finally ran out of people to fuck, maybe he finally got tired of sneaking around. Or maybe he was just horny and high, you didn’t know which but you knew you weren’t going to fall for any of his advances. You swore it on your soul. _____

The next few days seemed to only get weirder and weirder, which is why you were now staying at Namjoons for the night. Jackson’s behavior seemed to get stranger, it had been two days since his first odd act. The next morning after he had tried to initiate sex with you, you had found that he was still in bed despite having to work on Saturdays. Not really caring you didn’t wake him up as you headed out for one of your jobs, you weren’t going to be home for hours and by the time you’d get home you figured he would be out partying it up.

 You were wrong, he was at home, sitting in the living room staring at the TV that was off. You ignored the behavior because you just couldn’t find it in yourself to care about his well being, you almost laughed to yourself as you thought about how cold and evil you might seem to others if they knew you were ignoring his signs of distress. 

You didn’t care though, one thing you had carried with you in life was that you didn’t forgive people. Something that people thought was a natural thing to do for one another, sure you’d let things go or act like it was fine but that didn’t mean you would forget or forgive the actions or words. No, in fact you would mark it against your impression of them. You did not actively seek revenge and did not intend to act like a complete bitch to some people for their mistakes, but you would never trust them like you had before. Jackson had hurt you to the point you didn’t care, you had imagined killing him so many times just to ease your anger. 

You had imagined him dying in some accident and wondered if you’d really care, you knew some part of you would. You could never kill another person unless you had to, you imagined violent things just to release some of the pent up anger even though you knew it was unhealthy.

 As you moved about the apartment getting ready for bed you noticed he’d started acting even stranger, sounds like him having a conversation would wake you up at night. Always around 2-3 am unless you were already awake, if you were already up you’d hear small noises or taps that would make you wonder what he was doing. You ignored it, it wasn’t your business and you didn’t want to care. 

Though the second day made you uneasy, he was being overly clingy to you. It looked like he hadn’t showered since the first day, he stunk and he looked like he hadn’t been eating either. He was trying to initiate something, anything but you said you had to work, which was true. Later that night you had come home to find the chairs stacked in a way that seemed impossible, all the cabinets were opened and the items inside them arranged oddly. Whatever Jackson was on must’ve been strong, and it scared you. 

You faced many things in your life and one thing that always frightened you more than anything was a man. Humans were capable of so much, men and children are what frightened you the most. Children because well, you’ve watched plenty of horror movies and know that it’s either the dad or the child who’s the killer. 

You didn’t take any chances, children were not to be trusted, men even less. You had been hurt so many times by them that the notion that a man could be genuine to you in a romantic sense just left a sour taste in your mouth. 

You had searched the apartment for Jackson only to hear scratching noises coming from a closet in his room, you knew right away that you were absolutely not going to open that door and deal with his weird high state. Instead you knocked on the door to the closet and thanked him for rearranging the kitchen, snickering to yourself you thought it was funny to say so. Though as you made your way to your room the click of the closet door opening did in fact frighten you, power walking into your room and swiftly locking the door behind you. All night you were woken up by groans and scratching noises, the sounds of him pacing in the hallway made you feel uneasy. You could see his shadow standing outside your door at one point, you ignored it and went back to sleep before waking up in a cold sweat and seeing his shadow still outside the door. Oddly enough you never heard the door knob jiggle, he didn’t say anything and you didn’t either. 

The following morning, which was this present day, you had gotten ready for work in record time. Noticing the kitchen back to how it should be and no signs of Jackson being strange, in fact you saw him sipping some coffee in the kitchen looking like he had just gotten out of the shower. You hated how 2% of you felt relieved to see him back to normal, you just didn’t want to feel like he was a major threat to you. He had seen you come out into the kitchen dressed for one of your jobs, the only one he actually knew about, and he had embraced you warmly before kissing your forehead and wishing you a great day at work.

 --

How you ended up at Namjoon’s was because when you came home from that job you found Jackson pacing in the living room muttering to himself as his hand tugged at his hair, walking passed him you got your things for your second job and left quickly. He hadn’t seemed to notice you at all, though you knew it would be another night of odd behavior. Knowing this you had packed extra clothes and some things inside your work bag, after finishing up a few high paying jobs you just showed up at Namjoon’s. Luckily he was home, you had just walked right in after entering the pin code to get in when he walked out of the bathroom butt ass naked and screamed at the sight of you.

 “I already told you I’m sorry Joon!” you whined as he tugged at your shared blanket even more, trying to sacrifice you to the cold temperature of his apartment. “You saw me naked! You saw my dick!” he grumbled out followed by a powerful tug of the blanket. You two were curled up on the couch watching old horror movies about demons, you thought they were funny.

 Tugging right back you pouted while watching the movie, “It’s not like I haven’t seen it before” you mumbled which made his head snap in your direction. You knew he had turned to look at you in shock, a wicked smirk on your lips at you refused to meet his glare. “When?!” he shouted in a cracked voice, you burst out laughing at his reaction and turned to him with a brow raised. “Joon, I’ve known you for how long? You’ve seen me naked too, walking in on each other in various situations and a few times we played truth or dare with the gang?”.

It took Namjoon a few moments before his eyes widened and he opened his mouth to say something but never did, only o’ed in realization. Shifting back to the movie a silence fell, Namjoon could tell something was up but he didn’t know how to ask. You had a thing about staying at people’s places, not liking waking up in an unfamiliar bed. He knew you’d tell him when the time was right though, he wanted to give you space and opportunity to tell him on your own.

 The night went on with small talk and you avoided talking about him, you didn’t want to think of him and you didn’t want to let Namjoon know about the recent weird behavior. He would just rush over and try to fight Jackson which wasn’t a good idea, especially not with the way Jackson had been behaving lately. He was unpredictable and honestly you weren’t sure you could stay another night in the same apartment, though as you were half way through another movie you started to notice some similarities between Jackson and the man in it. Sitting forward you paid close attention to the actions of the man who was possessed in the movie, Namjoon noticed your sudden interest and rubbed your back soothingly. “You okay?” he asked in a quiet voice, nodding you started to piece things together as the man started eating bugs and growling at his wife.

 “Oh shit” you gasped out, recalling the events from the last few days. How did you not notice? How could you not tell? It was so obvious, “What’s wrong ____?” Namjoon asked as he sat up too. “Un fucking believable” you snorted out, running your hands through your hair. “It all makes sense now” you groaned, settling back into the couch and turning to look at Namjoon. “He’s possessed Joonie” you said in a whiney tone, Namjoon frowned and knocked his leg into yours. He hated your whiney voice, “Who’s possessed?”.

 Rolling your eyes you threw your hands into the air and groaned in frustration, “Who do you think?”. Namjoon’s expression was comical, you didn’t know he could make that kind of face. “No fucking way, you’re serious?” he gasped out, nodding you were pretty confident Jackson was possessed. It made sense, he was acting so strange and his pupils were way too dilated to be normal. “Pretty damn sure, I’ve got to go Joon. I’ve got to confirm it” sitting up you grabbed your belongings that you needed right away, “I’ll leave my clothing and stuff here in case I need to crash here still. That okay with you?”.

 “Yeah but will you be okay? Want me to come with?” Namjoon asked, his voice laced with concern. Turning to look at him you gave him a knowing look, “We both know you hate being with me when I do spooky shit, I’ll be fine. It’s not like it would be the first possessed person I’ve come across”. Standing up Namjoon made his way over to you and engulfed you in a hug, “I know I’m a fucking baby when it comes to that stuff, just be careful okay?”.

 Laughing you hugged him back, “I’ll text you when I’ve figured it out okay?”. Namjoon nodded and released you from him embrace, watching as you dawned your black trench coat and picked up your work bag. You turned to smile at him before you left, taking a taxi to your apartment to sort this whole demon business out.

--

 If it wasn’t a demon then it was going to be hard to explain why you thought that, you thought about the many ways this scenario could play out. Though as you paid the driver and approached the apartment you could tell something was off about the building, now noticing it there was a fog almost surrounding the building. Looking around you could see that no one was seeing it, “great” you muttered to yourself as you braced yourself for the eventual meeting of the demon using Jackson’s body as it’s home.

 Walking into the apartment you acted as if nothing was wrong, Jackson was standing in a corner of the living room in complete darkness. Nothing out of the ordinary, well there was but you ignored it and went to your room.

 Changing into something more, “If I need to run I can but I also look like I’m comfy” chic. Leaving your door open you thought back to the day when he couldn’t enter your room, realizing now it was because you had blessed your room. Only your room, though you were annoyed at the demon being creepy you couldn’t help but find it funny that Jackson had gotten possessed. He was a chicken, afraid of everything but refused to believe in ghosts and demons.

Oh how funny.

 Sitting on the edge of your bed facing your open door you waited, sure enough Jackson’s form suddenly appeared at your doorway. He looked normal, not at all like he had just been standing in a corner like a creep. Crossing your legs you stared at him, he smiled at you and looked hesitant to try and enter again.

 “What are you doing out there Jackson? Come in” you cooed, grinning from ear to ear. You weren’t afraid of demons, you just wanted to see what demon was using Jackson as a vessel before you played games with it. Jackson looked at the entirety of your doorway and then into your room at you, “What’s gotten into you babe? Lets watch a movie or something”. Raising a brow you sighed, “A movie?” you asked with a click of your tongue. The man nodded, whatever demon was using him must not be strong enough to break your barrier and if that’s the case then it means it’s not stronger than you.

 Perfect. 

Getting up you walked out of your room and into his, turning the TV on and sitting on the bed. Jackson came over and sat next to you, his arm curling around your frame. Switching through the movie section you finally found your favorite horror movie about demons and clicked play, a dark chuckle sounded next to your ear making your hair stand on end.

 “Nice movie choice babe I love this one” he laid back and motioned for you to lay back as well, you had chosen the room since it was smaller and had less places for him to hide and scare you. Leaning over him you smiled, “Oh? But Jackson, you hate scary movies”. You watched as his eyes flashed red before settling on his normal eye color though his pupils were still somewhat dilated, “I got over that babe, I wanted to watch what you watch”. His hand rubbed up and down your back as you looked down at him, he was trying to ignore your stare and watch the movie but you were making it hard. Leaning down a bit you placed a hand on his stomach and rubbed up his chest to his neck, rubbing back down to his pecks. You could see him tense up, giggling you straddled him and held his hands down next to his head.

 Leaning down you blew into his ear before whispering, “Who are you?”.

 His entire body froze, leaning up to look down you saw his expression- a confused one. Maybe you were wrong, maybe he was just on some hard drugs. An unfamiliar voice left his lips as he laughed, “I don’t know what you mean kitten? Who do you think I am?”. Tightening your grip on his hands you began whispering an immobile incantation to render his physical body, well, immobile. 

That is what shook him, eyes turning completely black as he thrashed beneath you before finally throwing you off before you could complete the spell. His form distorted into that of something you’d see in the movies, bending backwards and snapping his limbs inhumanely before letting out a screech that seemed to have multiple voices behind it. Standing up you raised a brow at the sight, maybe when you were younger it would have scared you but you’d seen the exact same thing so many times before it just bored you now. “Really?” you asked as the lights flickered, the dark, another thing that didn’t scare you as it should have.

 A mans voice laughed out as the lights went out, “Come play with me kitten” the voice said before twisting into some awful generic demonic growl that shook the room. Walking to the door you weren’t surprised when it slammed shut, you reached for it anyways and groaned when you felt something warm and slimy on the handle. Taking your shirt off you used it to open the door since it was too slippery with just your hand, the hallway was also dark. You knew something was on the ceiling waiting for you to stop and look up so you did what you maybe shouldn’t have done, you kept walking before yelling at the thing on the ceiling which actually surprised it.

 It froze before letting out a screech and then scurrying into the bedroom, sighing you walked to the kitchen sink and turned the faucet on washing your hands of the blood that was on the handle. Not surprisingly, the water started to run brown and then black but you had already finished washing your hands so you turned it off and turned around to wait for what was next. “You can come out, I’m not afraid of you” you yelled in a bored voice. 

The sounds of something clawing its way into the kitchen made you roll your eyes, rounding the island in the middle of the kitchen a deformed grotesque humanoid creature came wailing towards you. Raising a hand to it you began reciting a spell of repellence to ward it off, you could expel it entirely but you wanted to know which demon it was. The creature began to smoke and squeal in pain before retreating, from somewhere in the living room which was open to the kitchen you heard a deep voice curse, “why aren’t you scared” it asked.

 It almost sounded like it was upset or pouting, adorable you thought to yourself. Also annoying, “I don’t know, why is anyone scared of anything?” you answered back. Silence filled the apartment before Jackson’s form emerged from the shadows, black eyes and all. Jackson was smiling as he approached you, you noticed the teeth were now all pointed like sharks teeth. “Kitten are you sure you’re not afraid?” he said in two voices, your mouth formed a line as you watched as he unhinged his jaw and opened his mouth wide letting out demonic moans and screeches. 

His gaping mouth was only inches from your face as you burped into his mouth making him recoil instantly and cough violently. “Gross what the fuck” the deeper voice that didn’t belong to Jackson yelled out, glaring at you. You looked at him and raised your hands up, “Obviously I should be asking you what the fuck” you said in an irritated voice. “I want his soul and now yours too, obviously” the voice mimicked your voice as he said that, pulling up a stool and watching you carefully. “Well scaring me won’t work, I could exercise you right now if I wanted to” you sat across from him at the island. 

Jackson’s brow raised, “Oh really? You sure about that?” nodding you sat at the island with your face in both hands as you yawned. A wide grin met his lips as he licked them, “Not even if I tell you fucked up things?”. Letting out a huff you sat up straight, “Try me”. The demonic voice chuckled, “Very well, ask me questions and I will answer them honestly”.

 “Whoa whoa, I have to ask questions? Boring, I really don’t want to, besides I know you won’t actually answer with honesty”.

 “Oh but I will, let’s make it a game yeah?” he asked with a sparkle in his blackened eyes.

 “Fine, why did you possess Jackson?” you asked, actually curious as to how the bastard got a demon in him.

 “He was in the wrong part of town and looked like fun, so I observed him for a bit and saw him return to you. Your soul is what sealed the deal for me kitten, now here we are” he motioned to the apartment as if that was supposed to scare you.

 “Okay fair enough” you nodded your head acknowledging the information. Jackson frowned and coughed clearing his throat, “My turn, how do you know I’m not Jackson?”.

 Smirking you answered him, “My second job involves me exercising spirits and demons, being a medium, a psychic, anything along those lines. Of course I’m going to notice you aren’t him”.

 Not waiting for his response you jumped into the next question, “Why didn’t you just take my soul? Why didn’t you just possess me?”. 

Jackson scratched his chin and looked like he was seriously thinking about how to answer that question, “Well, to put it bluntly, I wanted to fuck you first. You’re hot and I also like your soul. It would’ve been a win win”. He smiled widely like he had just given the smartest answer ever, “okay gross” you said with exaggerated gagging noises. Jackson glared at your exaggeration, sure being a demon might put some people off but that was no reason to be so rude. He had complimented you and you had the nerve to call him gross? Anger filled him as his ego took a blow, but a thought came to his mind that had him grinning from ear to ear.

 “Do you know he’s cheating on you?” he spat out, thinking he had something that would surprise you.

 “Yeah, has been for what seems like forever. Why? One of his side girls hit you up while possessing him?” you asked with no real interest in the answer.

 You watched as Jackson’s face become one of disgust and confusion, “Okay one, that counts as your question- yes multiple girls messaged him to which I didn’t respond and two, why are you with him if he’s cheating on you?”.

 Sighing loudly you got up and reached down to open the wine cooler in the island, placing a bottle on the island before turning and getting two glasses. Looking over your shoulder you asked him “Want some or no?”, Jackson seemed taken off guard but nodded after looking over the bottle of wine you had set out. 

You came back with two large wine glasses in hand, “Mind opening the wine? I honestly can never open them without fucking it up”. Jackson moved a finger and a loud ‘POP’ noise followed, turning you noticed the wine bottle was now open and ready for drinking.

 Pouring a generous amount in both glasses you set the bottle back down, taking a large swig of the dark red liquid before turning back to him.

 “ I’m still here because apartments in the city are expensive, I have enough money right now but I need to save up more to be comfortable. He doesn’t know I know, at least I don’t think he does” you mumbled into your glass before drinking some more. 

Jackson sniffed the wine before sipping on it, cringing at the bitterness, “Uhm, no he isn’t aware. In fact he thinks things have never been better between you two”. You didn’t even try to hide the laugh that followed, “Of course that idiot thinks that, how bland”. “Why haven’t you asked him why he’s cheating” he asked, taking another sip of the drink now growing accustomed to the taste. You shrugged, “A lot of reasons, all of which don’t matter. I don’t love him and I don’t want him, I want to leave as soon as I’m able to”.

 “Why are you asking me questions about the relationship that once was and not about things that are actually interesting?” you asked with a smirk, bringing you glass to your lips again. Jackson chuckled, “Alright, how likely is it that I will get your soul?”. “Unlikely, you could drag Jackson to hell for all I care. You’ll never get my soul”.Jackson hummed at that, “How likely would it be-” you cut him off by raising your hand, “It’s my turn remember?” Jackson nodded and let you continue. “What’s your name? Your real name” you asked setting your glass down and leaning forward on the island, you could feel the cold marble counter top through your bra. Jackson stared at your cleavage before looking back up into your eyes, he could lie. He had made no pact or deal with you that would bid him to tell the truth, so he wasn’t sure why he wanted to tell you his name regardless. “It’s Yoongi”.

 ____

“Yoongi?” you repeated back to him, hand grasping your glass that was a little to empty for your liking. Gripping the bottle you poured yourself some more before setting it back down, Jackson nodded and took another drink of his wine. “Yes, that is my name. I don’t know why I told you it though, it’s not like I’m going to leave this body any time soon”.

 “Ah, that’s fine. I’d rather have you here than him anyways, oh and as for the reason you were so truthful? This wine has a truth elixir infused in it, a bitter taste but it’s useful”. 

Yoongi wanted to be angry, but he found himself laughing instead. “Clever, you’re a lot more intelligent than most humans”. Nodding you downed more of the drink, “So, Yoongi, how long will you stay in him? From what I understand the longer a demon resides in the host body the more difficult it is to leave”. Yoongi bit his lower lip smiling, he loved how you knew so much about his kind even if it was to extinguish them. He found the trait absolutely attractive, to have the ability to destroy another be it human or otherwise, he loved it. “I plan to stay for as long as I wish, and yes, I would say maybe a week at most and 3 days at least”. Humming you nodded, “How about we make a deal?” you asked with actual emotion. Yoongi noticed immediately how your demeanor changed, you had something up your sleeve and he was both afraid and excited to find out what. “What’s the deal?”.

 “How about you help me ruin Jackson’s standing with other women? If you do I won’t banish you into some jar or something” you held out your hand in hopes he’d accept the offer. You knew it would be unlikely though, no demon liked to be challenged. Yoongi scoffed at that, “Wow, I really thought you’d say something interesting but you just sound arrogant”. Repealing your hand you downed the wine in your glass and set it on the table empty, “Alright, stay. I don’t care but I am heading to bed. I’ll see you tomorrow Yoongi”. You didn’t wait for his response and just waved to him before walking to your room, though arms wrapped around your waist stopping you just in front of your doorway. Yoongi pressed soft kisses to your neck, licking and nipping at the skin gently as his hands rubbed up and down your sides. 

For some reason instead of disgust you felt more intrigued than anything, he wasn’t Jackson after all. His voice was sexy and deep, and he seemed kind of fun. You ground your ass back against his crotch, hearing Yoongi let out a gasp that was quickly followed by a deep chuckle. His hands went down to your hips and pulled you closer to his hard on, grinding against you as he licked up your neck with one hand trailing up your chest and cupping one of your breast. You let out a small moan and placed your hands over his, running your hands up and down his arms lightly. Yoongi moved one of his hands up your side and then down into your leggings and into your underwear, hissing when he finds that you’re already somewhat wet. “Ah fuck, kitten you’re so wet for me already” his deep voice made your body swell with excitement, it had been so long since someone had touched you properly.

 Spreading your legs to allow him more access you felt your head being turned to face him, though you felt yourself tense up remembering that Yoongi was inside Jackson’s body. Pushing him away you walked into your room and slammed the door, locking it quickly. “What the hell! We were just getting started Kitten!” Yoongi growled out, looking at the wetness you’d left on his fingers that had just barely touched you. Licking his fingers he felt himself let out a groan at how good you tasted, “Why’d you stop?” he asked through the door. Stripping yourself of your clothes and switching into one of Namjoon’s shirts you had swiped from his place you laid in your bed with a racing heart, “You may not be him but you’re in his body, I don’t want him. Also I forgot you’re after my soul, I’m not fucking someone who wants my soul” you shouted back before settling into your covers and turning over to face the other side of your room. Yoongi sighed, he shouldn’t have said anything about your soul in the first place. He had been a very high ranking demon for centuries yet he felt like some 300 year old demon all over again fighting with you, “I could always leave his body kitten, I’m sure you’d be more than satisfied with my actual self. For one I'm taller than him and my dick is bigger”. Ignoring him you closed your eyes, hoping to get some sleep. You did hate jackson, but you also knew you couldn’t let a demon stay inside him.

 You’d have to expel Yoongi at some point but part of you actually liked the demon, not all demons were bad and you had encountered that first hand. He was just making it difficult by claiming to want your soul, a typical demon thing to say but most demons just wanted to torment and drive people to madness. Not steal their souls unless they were the kind that fed off of them, shit, you had forgotten to find out what kind of demon he even was. Sighing you thrashed around in your blankets before laying still, you would just have to figure it all out before he fused with Jackson’s body. Smiling to yourself for having thought of a plan you let your body relax, letting sleep take you. 

Yoongi sat outside your room until he could tell you were asleep, it was hard to tell with the barrier you had up in your room but the snoring gave you away. Getting up he walked into Jackson’s room and laid down, he knew he didn’t need to sleep. Jackson’s body needed sleep though, he wasn’t sure what his next plan would be but at least for tonight he’d let you rest. Though his thoughts kept going over earlier in the night, how you’d not been scared by things that normally would scare most people. You had even tried to scare him, which embarrassingly enough did surprise him. He wasn’t scared, but he was surprised.

 The way you held yourself, the way you were cocky and arrogant at times made him want to fuck the smirk of your face. Your body, fuck he couldn’t stop thinking about how you felt against him, the way you tasted was intoxicating. He could feel your energy and it filled his entire being which was weird since he wasn’t an energy demon, just being near you made him both weak and powerful. He knew he couldn’t stay in this humans pathetic body but he couldn’t leave without making sure you left Jackson first, he may not actually care about human relationships but he didn’t want another man being near you. In Yoongi’s mind you were his, and even if you didn’t know it or acknowledge it yet he would make sure you did. 

At some point.

 _____

Rolling out of bed you were woken by the smell of food, something that was rare and enticing to say the least. Opening the door you padded into the kitchen to peak at what was going on, Jackson- or well Yoongi, was at the stove cooking what seemed like breakfast. Walking up behind him you stood at his side and looked at what he was making, “Uhg, really yoongi?” you scoffed and hit his arm as you looked at the “meal” he was making.

 It smelt like eggs, pancakes, and bacon but what it looked like was bloodied organs and what you think was a fetus and an eye ball. Yoongi laughed to himself as he continued cooking, you walked away from him to get a drink of water from the fridge. Though upon opening it you almost shrieked when it was also bathed in blood and filled with dismembered body parts that just so happened to also twitch and groan, slamming it shut you started saying a spell to change back what once was to what it should be. Opening the fridge again to see it back to normal, smiling you grabbed a water bottle and closed the door. Yoongi glared at you and served up the breakfast on two plates, the food actually being food this time. Looking at him suspiciously you took the table salt and poured a circle around your plate, casting a spell to reveal any and all malicious intent. You were happy to see nothing glowed which meant it was safe to eat, taking a forkful of pancake and egg you looked up at Yoongi who was giving you a look. “What?” you asked with a full mouth, Yoongi cringed and shot you a disgusted look.

 “Fucking chew and swallow before you talk”, he started eating his food a lot more gracefully then you had been eating yours. Gulping down your water you swallowed the mass of food and gasped for some air, feeling revived and ready for another day working two jobs. “Well, thanks Yoongi but I’ve got to head to work so don’t wait up for me” you gave him the finger guns as you walked into the bathroom and started the shower.

Part of you expected him to sneak in while you were showering but he didn’t, you finished your shower and had even gotten ready for work without issue. As you were leaving the apartment you noticed him sitting on the couch watching the news, laughing at reports of some deaths that made you shake your head in disapproval.

---

Work went fine, Namjoon had blown up your phone and you had reassured him everything was fine. Heading back home you quickly entered the apartment and threw off your work uniform, rushing to get dressed for your night out helping people quench their supernatural thirst. The lights weren’t working though, making you groan. “Yoongi please! I have another job to get to, I can’t be late this client pays well I really need this!”.

The lights actually flickered back on, earning a sigh from you and you pulled on a simple black dress and filled your bag with a few extra items you thought you’d need. Turning around you saw Yoongi staring at you from the doorway, “Oh Yoongi I’m not sure when I’ll be back, okay bye!” you waved to him as you ran out the front door with your shoes barely on.

Yoongi wallowed around the apartment bored, he glanced at the cellphone owned by Jackson and thought about hitting up one of the many girls who had been non stop messaging or calling him. Part of him was honestly confused why anyone would cheat on you, maybe the appeal of inflicting pain on you? You knew though, but he could tell Jackson did not know you knew, so that wasn’t it. The other part of him didn’t really care that much, he didn’t like Jackson because he was close to you but that didn’t mean he cared that Jackson was hurting you. Right? Humans were always so confusing, though as he’s aged he’s noticed that demons are similar to humans despite being entities that were never human.

Groaning he slumped in the couch, Jackson’s soul was trying to fight back Yoongi but there was no way he’d actually repel him on his own. He wondered how you’d even gotten into his world, how you knew about his kind and how to stop them. Spiritual power and magic didn’t come easy to people, especially not the kind that you wielded. Your magic was strong, he was certain if given the right opportunity you could actually get him to leave Jackson’s body.

Looking at the time on the phone he groaned again, when would you be home?

___

You entered the apartment with a bounce in your step, it was rare that this client had to cut their appointments short. It wasn’t even 10 pm yet, you were so happy you thought about ordering out. The client had paid in full and tipped you handsomely, you were pretty much ready to move into a new place with the amount you had saved up. Humming to yourself you threw your shoes off not caring where they fell since it wasn’t like Jackson was around, placing your bag down next to the couch you started taking your dress off.

You had the dress partially off, the material up over your waist when a whistle cut through the air. “Damn kitten, didn’t think you’d be into strip teasing” Yoongi called out from somewhere in the living room. Taking the dress off completely you smirked and threw the material elsewhere, ignoring his cat call you pranced around in your bra and panty set for a little bit before you got cold and went back into your room. Trying to be sexy was harder than you remember it being, throwing off your bra you slid Namjoon’s shirt over your head. Luckily the shirt was long enough it covered your ass well, throwing your hair up into a messy bun you walked into the living room.

Yoongi was now on the couch, sprawled out with ‘the conjuring’ playing. Of course a demon would enjoy watching that, grabbing your phone from your work bag you started dialing a number. The noise from the movie distracting you, “Yoongi turn that down” you hissed as the other line picked up.

“I’d like to place an order for delivery please”

After you said that the movie got louder making you stomp over to him and slap his knee earning a glare from him, you pointed your finger at him and motioned that you’d kill him if he kept being loud.

“Yes, the address? Oh its…”

The sounds of groaning and demonic growling sounded behind you as the delivery man read back your address to you to confirm it, “Uh- ma’am what’s that noise?” he asked clearly having heard the movie or Yoongi.

Walking farther away from Yoongi you laughed, “Ah nothing just watching a scary movie ha ha”.

“I would like an order of breadsticks, with garlic and marinara sauce please and…” you trailed off wondering what kind of pizza Yoongi would like or if he wanted chicken.

“Hang on just a moment please” you said into the phone, covering the speaker part up with your hand as you called out to Yoongi, “What kind of pizza do you want?” you shouted. No answer, grumbling you stomped into the living room and saw him twisted up to look like the women from the movie.

“Yoongi what do you want on the pizza?” you asked again losing patience.

Yoongi’s body twisted even more as blood spilled from his mouth, soaking into the couch beneath him “I want… YOUR SOUL” he shrieked out in an inhuman voice.

Rolling your eyes you gave him one last chance, “What. Do. You. Want?”.

This time Yoongi’s mouth overflows with roaches, “BUGSS” he roars out despite having a mouth full of maggots and roaches.

Raising a brow at him you turn away and walk into the kitchen, “Yes I’m so sorry about the wait, can I just do a large cheese and pineapple pizza and an order of the 20 piece chicken set?”. You could hear a gasp and a whine come from the living room, “I wanted beef..” he grumbled out.

“Ah yes actually could I make that a beef pizza instead of pineapple? You can? Okay great thank you” you could hear a small chuckle from the living room and smiled.

“Sauces? Buffalo and Hot for the chicken and just extra marinara for the pizza please”.

After placing the order you hung up and went into the living room where you found a pristine looking couch and not a bug in sight, “So, you know you can’t stay in his body right?”.

Yoongi turned to look at you, “I’ll stay in here for as long as I want human, he should be grateful I’m even allowing myself inside this pathetic excuse of a man”. Laughing you plopped down next to him on the couch, “Well you’re right about the pathetic excuse of a man part”.

Yoongi looked at you then at the TV, he had switched to a different movie that for once didn’t have anything to do with horror or demons. “Have you ever exercised a demon like me before?” he asked in a quiet voice, without turning to look at him you nodded. “I think so, I don’t know what kind of demon you are so I can’t say for certain but I’ve dealt with strong demons before”.

Yoongi smiled to himself, you thought he was strong then. His ego inflated just a bit, “Oh, you’re pretty strong for a human you know. How did you get into all this?”. Giggling you decided to lean up against him, you could feel his body relax into your touch. “I just stumbled into it, it’s like a fandom, once you dip your toe in to see how it feels it sucks you in. Once you’re in you can’t escape”.

Yoongi let his- well Jackson’s arm drape over your shoulders, “Well you’re really-” he stopped mid sentence at a god awful smell emitting from you. Pulling away from you abruptly he pinched his nose, “What the fuck is that smell?!” he shouted, you looked at him with wide eyes. You could feel your face turning red from embarrassment, anger bubbled inside you at his very dramatic exclamation. “Me?! You fucking think I smell?! You don’t even shower every day Yoongi!”. Yoongi let go of his nose and growled at you, “I do not smell! Humans have such primitive noses, if you were advanced like me you’d be able to tell that my scent is robust and powerful. It’s entici-” you cut him off laughing, “You?! Enticing? Please, you smell like rotten milk and onions Yoongi. You forget you’re in Jackson’s body therefore you smell like him”.

Yoongi quickly pounced on you, pushing your body down against the couch as he held your hands down on either side. “I smell perfectly fine, it’s you who smells terrible!” Yoongi looked at your body and noticed the shirt, how he had missed it before was beyond him.

Letting go of your hands he sat back on his heels, “It’s that damned shirt, it fucking reeks”. You felt your face still burning at his comment, “Fuck you Yoongi you’re lucky I don’t banish you right here and now”. Rolling his eyes he gripped the shirt and ripped it clean in half, your eyes widened in horror as he ripped Namjoon’s shirt. A shirt he didn’t even know you had borrowed, “Yoongi!” you screamed out.

He knew it was in anger but he couldn’t help but think at how nice his name sounded coming from your lips, especially being screamed out. “This was my best friends shirt! He’s going to kill me!” you growled out, trying to cover your chest some more. He had ripped it clean in half down the front, he watched as your hand tried to hold the material over the swell of your chest. He always forgot humans were so ashamed of their natural states, leaning forward he ran a hand up your arm.

Your chest tightened at his touch, closing your eyes so you could envision someone else instead of Jackson touching you. Yoongi watched as you closed your eyes, “I want you to look at me ____”. Your eyes shot open at the use of your name, you had never heard him use it before-at least not before you realized he was possessed. Yoongi laughed at your response to the use of your name, “Sounds good for someone to say your name huh?” his tongue ran over his lower lip as he pulled your arm away from the shirt revealing the sliver of skin beneath it.

You could feel your stomach fluttering at his touch, you wanted so much to just close your eyes so that it would feel better but part of you didn’t want to disappoint him. “Yoongi I want to see you, not Jackson” you whispered out, you watched as Yoongi stared at you as if contemplating. Your vision was blocked for a moment, by his hand you could tell- “I already know for a fact I’m devilishly- ha- good looking, but if for some reason you don’t think I am...I don’t think I could let you and him live. My pride wouldn’t allow it, just so you’re aware”.

You frowned with his hand covering your eyes, “Whatever just let me see you” you laughed out. Slowly you felt his hand drop, blinking a few times to adjust your sight you saw a different man before you. He had white hair and striking eyes, he smiled at you showing you his gummy smile. Reaching up you cupped his face with your hands, “You’re pretty good looking, for a demon living inside Jackson’s crappy self”.

Yoongi laughed, holding your hand in his while you traced along his features curiously. Your heart was beating fast and you recognized the sensation quickly, though you tried to remain calm and collected. “I could leave his body and just come to you like this, if I did that would you let me have you?” he asked leaning in closing the distance between your both.

The sounds of someone ringing your doorbell startled you, making you jump up and head butt Yoongi. Instantly he lost concentration and his image went back to that of Jackson, gripping the torn shirt more you glared at him. “Fucking fix this now! I can’t answer the door like this!” you hissed, Yoongi groaned as he rubbed his head.

“God damnit women why is your head as hard as a rock?!” he whined, throwing your hands up in the air you wanted to scream in frustration. Grabbing your coat and zipping it up you grabbed your money from your bag and answered the door, you would’ve laughed at how confused the guy looked seeing you in a winter coat in your apartment with no pants on but you were too angry.

At least the coat covered your butt, giving him the money and enough for a tip you juggled the boxes of food. Carefully carrying them into the kitchen, once you had placed them on the island you opened everything to make sure it was all right.

“Oh finally, I’m starving” Yoongi said as he made his way into the kitchen, glancing at him you noticed he hadn’t returned to looking like himself. A small pang of disappointment hit your heart, “Yeah, eat up” you mumbled.

Yoongi didn’t seem to notice as he quickly dove right into the food

---

After eating Yoongi had finally fixed Namjoon’s shirt for you, though you felt weird being around him. You knew what he looked like, you knew his name and you knew you actually liked having him around. It was refreshing, Jackson had once been your beckon of light and happiness but that quickly turned to him being the reason why you wanted everything to end. Yoongi though, as a demon- a creature of hell- brought you some happiness. 

But what he was to you seemed to confuse you, he made you laugh and he actually listened to you- at least most of the time. You got a good feeling from him regardless of the fact that your holy artifacts would beg to disagree, you wanted to be around him and wanted him to touch you.

Though you thought maybe that was just your loneliness talking, you had been so love deprived and starving for intimacy from someone who hadn’t hurt you that maybe you’d just jump on the first person to show you interest? You didn’t want to be the one to hurt another, even if that person was a demon. You wanted your feelings to be genuine, the only way was to be away from Yoongi and around new people.

Turning to look at him you saw Jackson’s face looking back at you, “Yoongi do you like me?” you asked without any waver in your voice. Yoongi shifted his image to that of himself as he stared into your eyes, “I do”. He knew he liked your energy, he was drawn to you and that was enough for him. Though he wasn’t sure if it was the chase he liked or actually you, he admired your strong will and even more so your intellect. You could be crass and just down right gross at times but it was all part of your charm, or at least he thought so.

He watched as you shifted slightly, “I want you to leave Jackson’s body and allow me to ask you to come to me as you are when I’m ready then”. Yoongi’s brows furrowed, “What do you mean when you’re ready?”.

“I like you, I think I do at least. I want to see what it’s like to not be around you for awhile, to mingle with new people and see if what I’m feeling is just because no one has touched me like you have or talked to me the way you have in a very long time”.

Yoongi felt his chest tingle a bit, he didn’t like the way you had worded that. Crawling over to you he watched as you relaxed under him, his hands at your sides and gripping you firmly. Leaning down he watched your face for any signs of rejection or uncomfortableness but saw none, licking his lips he stared at yours. Your pink tongue peaking through your plush lips to wet them, taking the chance he closed the distance and pressed his lips against your own.

You kissed him back, an electric feeling pulsing through your body as your mouths moved against one another. His hands roamed your body almost frantically as his tongue poked at your mouth for entrance, opening your mouth your tongue moved against his as you both became a mess of limbs trying to get closer to one another.

Yoongi’s hands cupped your ass and brought your lower half down on his, lifting you into his lap. “You’re sure about this plan of yours?” he said through breaks in the kisses, sighing into his mouth you pulled away. “Yeah, I really want to have genuine feelings for you. I’m not sure what I feel is actually romantic but I do know you make me so fucking frustrated, you’re cocky and annoying and the way you talk to me makes me want to scream”.

Chuckling he slaps your ass lightly, “Good, I want you screaming, my name at least”. Rolling your eyes you placed your hands on his chest, “I’ve got enough money to get a new place, I’m moving regardless but when I do. If I ask for you to come, will you? Not in his body?”.

Yoongi paused for a moment, he knew he wanted you and he knew the last few days spent tormenting you had been more entertaining than the last few years he’d spent in this city. “I will, if you want me to that is”.

“Well yeah, obviously that’s why I just asked you if you would” you said sarcastically, Yoongi pinched your asscheek earning a squeak from you making him chuckle. “Smart ass, I was trying to flow with this romantic mood”.

“Yeah well you kind of ruined it by saying that Yoongi, when will you leave his body?” your hands rubbed up his neck on onto his face, you knew it was him and wasn’t at the same time. Yoongi leaned into your hand and smiled, “I’ll leave tomorrow morning, this guy probably lost his job by the way, I’m going to implant memories so that he doesn’t freak out but I also sent weird messages to his side girls so they’d leave him alone”.

Laughing you pinched his cheek, “I mean at least it wasn’t me who did that to him, I believe in karma and that right there is means for bad karma”. Yoongi shrugged, “They wouldn’t stop messaging me, well him, either way I was bored while you were at work so I had to entertain myself”.

Leaning down you pressed your lips to his gently, he kissed back and wrapped his arms around your waist. “You’re driving me crazy ____, you don’t know how much I’m going to hate having to be away from you” he groaned into your mouth, your hands found themselves at his shoulders at you deepened the kiss to shut him up.

Knowing once you pulled away you two would go your separate ways, only to hope to meet again at a later date.

____

1 month later

Looking around at all the boxes you sighed, you had moved in three weeks ago and still barely touched the boxes. The move and break up had taken a lot out of you, once you and Yoongi parted ways that night Jackson finally emerged the next morning confused and disoriented. He had indeed lost his job, though it didn’t matter much since his friend hired him at his company. You had found a place two days after the real Jackson’s return and in that same week had all but removed your belongings from the apartment. Jackson may have been confused from waking up a week later with his life somewhat ruined but he wasn’t that oblivious, he asked what was with the boxes and you shrugged.

What were you supposed to say? You tried to just say that things hadn’t been working out and that you had decided to move out, Jackson didn’t take that very well.

He was yelling at you and repeating his questions over and over again even after you had answered them, luckily you had texted Namjoon earlier that day to ask for help moving things and he had shown up during the argument. At first Jackson was furious that you had invited Namjoon and his friends over to help you move, he tried to force them out of the apartment to which they just laughed and continued moving your belongings.

He was furious, finally with most of your boxes out of the apartment Namjoon came up to get you so they could leave. Jackson had grown quieter and broke down in tears, blaming you for why the relationship had failed- you wanted to kick him in the face at the audacity this man had to actually blame you for it failing. You were about to break down crying out of frustration when Namjoon stood between you both, Jackson really didn’t like that- getting up into Namjoon’s face and asking him why he was still there.

When Namjoon pushed Jackson away you saw Jackson lash out with crazed eyes, screaming at the top of his lungs “You fucking slut! You fucking cheated on me didn’t you?! I fucking knew it! Fuck you and get out then!”. Tears slid down your cheeks as you watched the man you had once loved scream at you, his face red from anger and eyes blown out.

Clenching your fists you shoved Namjoon aside, grinding your teeth you did what anyone would have done in that situation- you pulled your fist back and punched him in the nose as hard as you could. Jackson fell back obviously stunned, his nose was bleeding and he looked like he was about to retaliate but you screamed at him before he could “Me?! You were the one cheating on me Jackson! I’m not fucking stupid! I’m leaving you because you ruined what we had! You fucking piece of shit you actually had the nerve to blame me?! Go to fucking hell!”.

Grabbing the last of your things you stormed out of the apartment with Namjoon trailing behind you quickly, he may have always offered to beat Jackson up for you but you knew he was a pacifist. You could hear shouting but you ignored it, he wasn’t your problem anymore.

The first few days after leaving Jackson you were at your worse, sure you didn’t care for him as you once had but you felt like a bad person for leaving him. He deserved it all and even more but you still couldn’t help but feel bad, the way he looked into your eyes when he realized you were leaving- you could see the pain in them, the shock.

Even though it was his own fault you still remembered what it felt like to feel that same pain, it was terrible. You knew it would eventually get better though, eventually you’d numb up to it and move on- you had Yoongi now after all. A demon who had possessed your cheating ex boyfriend and seduced you more or less, you still didn’t know what to think of him though. You wanted him, that much was true, but you weren’t sure to what degree.

Though your heart clenched at the thought that you’d also be without Yoongi in your new place- you held off on calling him over, weeks went by and you were surprised at how quick your emotions numbed up when you thought about what had happened with Jackson. You felt at peace, or at least more so than you had felt before.

You had your own place, you felt free. You began unpacking a box, smiling at the thought that you were actually free from it all. Free to find someone new and free to buy whatever food you wanted, Jackson always complained about you buying junk food which annoyed you so you’d end up having to stash it in your room.

--

You had unpacked four boxes out of what seemed like a hundred, sighing you plopped down on the brand new couch you had bought. Something about old furniture in a new place just rubbed you the wrong way, splurging on buying a new bed, couch, table and etc. It was expensive but well worth it, in the last few weeks your regular good paying client for medium uses had introduced you to some of his friends and that gave your bank account a much needed boost.

As you lay there you wondered what Yoongi was doing, if he was watching you or if he even thought or you since that night. The urge to summon him was intense, you wanted to have him in your new life, your new start. But you also feared he’d end up leaving you, he was a demon- he would live forever unless someone snuffed out his life force. You however, were just a human who would grow old and weak as time went on. Yoongi could also be just like Jackson, sure you weren’t entirely sure you wanted a relationship with him but since you had somewhat of an interest in him you needed to see all possible outcomes of calling on him. What if he rejected you? Only wanted to sleep with you or take your soul? Groaning you tugged at your hair, “I want to see him but I don’t want to lose him” you muttered to yourself.

A familiar chuckle caused you to shoot up from the couch, looking around frantically “Yoongi?”. The lights flickered off and it confirmed your suspicions, you could feel your heart pounding in your chest with a blush staining your face. You hadn’t expected him to just show up without you calling him, “Yoongi is that you?”.

An inhuman gargle noise sounded from elsewhere in your apartment, not feeling frightened at all since you knew it was just him and even if it wasn’t it was something you could handle.

Sighing you walked over to where your bag was, reaching into it to find holy water in a squirt gun. “Yoongi if it’s you I would recommend showing yourself otherwise you’re going to be very upset when I find you~” you sang out with a laugh, the sounds of something moving hazardously across your floor made you aim in it’s direction and squirt some of the water out.

You didn’t hear a noise of anguish so you knew you hadn’t hit anything, walking into the section of the living room you had fired the water in you just stood there and waited. Hairs standing on end you felt two hands sneak around your waist and pull you in close, you could hear someone inhaling deeply before a slimy tongue licked up your shoulder and neck. You were fairly certain it was Yoongi, the chuckle you recognized was his- but if it wasn’t him than you were pretty stupid to just allow this demon or entity to catch you so easily.

Leaning back into the entity you felt the arms tighten around you, “Miss me kitten?” Yoongi asked with a laugh. A smile formed on your lips at the sound of his voice, “I’m not sure, did you miss me?” you asked as you placed your hands over his, one hand still holding the squirt gun. Yoongi buried his face into the side of your neck and placed small kisses on the area, “More than missed, it felt weird being without you and your bratty attitude”.

Turning around in his arms you wrapped yours around his waist- tossing the squirt gun elsewhere, “Turn the lights back on and let’s watch a movie yeah?”. The lights flickered back on, as you looked up at his form you bit your lower lip- an electric sensation pulsed through your core at the sight of him. He must have thought he’d scare you with a different form, but he did the opposite, he had four jet black eyes, large horns curling back and up on his head and pointed canines.

Yoongi let out a growl at your unexpected approval of his appearance, he was hoping seeing him in his true demonic form would allow you to rethink being with him but by the way you had reacted it only made you want him more. Spreading his tattered wings out he whipped his pointed tail around wrapping around your arm, “Like what you see?” he asked with a smirk- his fangs glinting in the artificial lighting. Nodding you leaned up and pressed an open mouth kiss to his neck, you could feel his body tense up at your ministrations. Sucking and nipping as his skin your arms made their way around his neck, his tail having released your arm- instead it was now flickering around behind him. His hands gripped your hips roughly, claws digging into the flesh but not breaking the skin. Pressing yourself into him more you could feel his hard on through the jeans he wore, “Is this your real form or?” you asked between sucking hickies into his skin which faded almost instantly.

“It’s my demonic form- yes, I wanted you to know what I look like in my truest form” he said before gripping your chin and pulling you up for a deep kiss, his long forked tongue slithering against your lips. Opening your mouth you let your tongue move against his, the unfamiliar sensation of having such a long tongue inside your mouth making you question if that was something you liked or not. 

Biting on his lower lip you tugged at it playfully, his deep growl cut through the air in approval. “Jump kitten” he commanded, you jumped up into his grip letting your legs wrap around his waist while his hands found your ass and held you close to him. Smiling down at you he placed a quick peck on your nose before walking you into your bedroom, you hadn’t set up barriers in this apartment in case Yoongi came around. Setting you down on the king sized bed he leaned over your body with one knee on the mattress, “Do you want me? Or are you just lonely?” he asked, his dark eyes staring into yours. Chewing on your bottom lip you stared right back at him, you had thought about him multiple times every day since he had left. You knew you wanted him, friend, lover, or whatever- you just wanted him around. “I want you..do you want me? Or just my soul?” you countered back, eyes not breaking the gaze. 

Yoongi smiled at you raising one of his hands up, “I want you, and your soul” he ended the sentence with a boop to your nose making you glare at him. “Just kidding! I’ll let you decide if I can have your soul or not in the end but yes, I do want you”, rolling your eyes you giggled at how childish he was. “Alright, then you’ve got me” practically purring those words you pulled him further down on you while your hand trailed down his side and to the top of his pants, “You said something while you were possessing Jackson right? About wanting to see me beg you to fuck me?”. You saw as Yoongi’s eyes narrowed at those words, his serpents tongue flickering out of his mouth to wet his lips- “Of course kitten, it’s something I still want to see happen”.

The arousal dripped from his words making you whimper out, “Then fucking make me beg, Yoongi”. All at once his hands were tearing your clothing off your body, gently caressing the newly exposed skin as he did. Desperate for his touch you bucked your hips up in hopes of rubbing against his pelvic region, “Fucking take your pants off” you growled out while one of your hands tugged at the waist of them. Yoongi cackled at your eagerness before leaning back and stripping himself, leaving just his boxers on. 

Sitting up on your elbows you took in his almost naked form, he wasn’t as muscular as Jackson but his body was so much more defined and pretty. Licking your lips you went to reach for his member that was straining in the confines of his boxers, though once your hand was in close proximity of it he caught your wrist. “Good kittens will be patient, behave for me will you?” you wanted to argue but instead you bit down on your lower lip while glaring up at him, you noticed  he had switched back to his previous state. No more wings, horns and his eyes were back to two- of which weren’t completely blacked out. 

Yoongi chuckled, “Good girl, now why don’t you lay back against the headboard for me will you?” pointing to the headboard he waited for you to slide yourself back, once you had you leaned your back against it and cocked your head to the side waiting for his next command. Spreading your legs a little bit you watched as his eyes flickered down to your exposed core, he gulped loudly as he took in your willing form. “Fuck kitten, the things I want to do to you” he groaned out while running a hand through his hair, you giggled and laid against the bed more so that only your head was up against the pillows in front of the headboard. 

Spreading your legs even further you used a finger to motion for him to come to you, he may have wanted to be in charge but you needed him to touch you-anywhere.  Yoongi was between your legs within seconds, kneeling down between them as he pressed kisses against your inner thighs- you could feel your core throb with anticipation as his mouth grew closer to where you needed him the most. 

Yoongi looked up at you, his mouth hovering over your dripping wet core before shooting you a devilish smirk and licking a strip up your slit. Moaning out you gripped the blanket on the bed, Yoongi moved your legs over his shoulders as he licked feverishly at your cunt. Sucking at your clit before swiping his tongue over the bundle of nerves rapidly, your hands found his hair as your legs trembled. 

“Ah fuck! Yoongi!” you moaned out loudly, the sensation was overwhelming- no one had touched you in so long you had forgotten how intense it could be. Bucking your hips up into his mouth you could feel the vibrations of his laugh in your core, as his tongue assaulted your clit your eyes closed from the intense pleasure ravaging your body. Your core was tightening and spasming rapidly, you knew what it meant and you chased for it by squeezing Yoongi’s head between your thighs. His strong grip on your thighs pried himself free as he gave your pussy one last lick before trailing kisses up your body, “Feel good kitten?”. 

Tears were in your eyes at the overwhelming sensation of being so close to releasing only to have it ripped away from you, “F-Fuck, I haven’t felt that good in so long. Why’d you stop?” you whined out. Yoongi started ridding himself of his boxers as you stared at him with blown out pupils, “Oh god you’re so fucking sexy, you don’t know how badly I’ve wanted you”. 

Holding your arms out to him you spread your legs a bit farther apart for him, “Fuck me Yoongi, I want your cock inside me so bad”. Staring down at his toned body your eyes followed to his erection, he had claimed he was bigger then Jackson and he didn’t lie. His cock was thicker and longer, the tip already swollen and leaking with pre cum. Thankfully Yoongi wanted you just as badly as you wanted him, placing himself between your legs and rubbing his swollen member up and down your pussy. 

Eyes fluttering shut you felt a hand snake it’s way up your torso to cup your breast, opening your eyes slightly you saw Yoongi’s fucked out gaze as he rocked his member up and down your slit gathering your essence. Biting his lower lip he fought to control himself from just slamming into you all at once, using his other hand he prodded your entrance with a finger gently. Slipping it inside, gasping out as your hot tight walls sucked his digit in until he was in knuckles deep. 

“Ah! Fuck! Mmm, Yoongi..please” you whimpered out, trying to fuck yourself on his finger. He quickly added a second finger, thrusting them in and out of your snug walls slowly. Your hips started bucking into his hand hoping to make him go faster but he used his free hand to press down on your stomach to hold you still, “Shh shh kitten you need to let me stretch you out a bit okay?”. Rolling your eyes you tried to bucked into his palm despite what he said, earning a slap to your thigh from him. 

Yoongi pulled his fingers out of you roughly and used his hands to pin yours down on either side or your head, “Kitten wants to misbehave? I was just trying to be a good master and make it easier for you to take my cock but if you want to be a filthy cock slut then I don’t care if it hurts”. His words made your core clench around nothing, talking dirty was something you were always into but Jackson had always laughed at you when you’d mention it. 

Whimpering you bit your lip while staring up at him waiting for him to ruin you, as if on cue Yoongi aligned his throbbing member up with your awaiting hole after freeing one of your hands. You could feel the pressure of his tip slipping into your snug velvet walls, both letting out loud groans and moans at the sensation. 

Slowly he slid himself into your pussy until he was at the base of his member, letting out a sigh he threw his head back and tried to control his breathing. Your cunt was greedily sucking him in, pulsating around the intrusion “Ahh you’re so big Yoongi” you moaned out at the feeling of being stuffed. Moving his hands back to pin yours down he started pulling out of you slowly earning a hiss from you, the sting of the stretch was still new but it felt so good. Swiftly he snapped his hips into yours, grunting at the feeling of your walls wrapping around him over and over again with each thrust. 

Clawing at his hands that held yours down you couldn’t stop biting at your lower lip as he pounded into you quickly, the sounds of skin slapping filled the room and the unmistakable growls coming from him over turned you on even more. “Ah-Ah, that’s right master fuck my pussy” you gasped out as he picked up his pace, a deep growl ripped through his chest as he freed your hands  in exchange for your hips. His thrusts becoming rougher and more powerful at your words, you could feel the fluttering in your stomach as he mercilessly fucked you driving your closer and closer to the edge. 

Your hands found his sides and clawed into them roughly, Yoongi felt himself shutter in pleasure at the pain “Ah fuck kitten master is going to fucking destroy this pussy”. Pulling out of you he flipped you onto all fours, pushing your head into the mattress as he lifted your ass up higher before slamming into you without warning. 

Your moans quickly filled the apartment, you were certain your new neighbors could hear you but you couldn’t find it in yourself to care as the sexy demon pounded away at you. Yoongi could feel himself starting to get closer to his end, reaching down to rub at your clit violently. 

“I can tell you’re close, your walls are fucking twitching around me. Cum for me baby” his deep gravely voice commanded you as his pace picked up in both his thrusts and on your clit. Closing your eyes you let your body accept it all and soon that coil felt like it was about to break, “I’m close I’m close keep fucking me please don’t stop!” you cried out weakly. Yoongi pinched your clit before rubbing it faster, his thrusts growing sloppy but not weakening in power. 

Thighs trembling you felt your whole body shake as your orgasm ripped through you, your eye sight started to fade to black but Yoongi’s thrusts forced you out of your semi-unconscious state while he chased his own high. You squirmed under his grasp at the over stimulation of his still rubbing your clit roughly, he snapped his hips into you a few more times before giving you one last rough thrust and releasing deep inside you. Leaning down he peppered your spine with kisses as he shallowly thrust in your abused walls milking himself inside you, you tried to regain a normal breathing pattern as you felt the demon pull out of you slowly. The now empty hole filled with his cum clenching around nothing, you could feel his slick mess drip out of you and down your thigh. 

Something warm and damp brushed your sensitive skin, cleaning you up gently “You okay kitten?” Yoongi asked as he finished cleaning you up and tossing the towel near his clothes he had removed earlier. Nodding weakly you let your body fall flat against the bed, rolling over onto your back you smiled to yourself. You had forgotten what it felt like to orgasm at the hands of someone who wasn’t you, Yoongi slid in next to you and wrapped his arms around you. Nuzzling into your neck, “I’m so fucking tired, you don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do that ____”. Turning on your side you looked at him and ran a hand through his damp hair, “Hasn’t it only been like a month or so since you met me?”. Yoongi chuckled weakly before sighing, “Ahh no, I’ve known who you were for awhile I just only recenlty worked up the courage to face you”. 

“You’ve known who I was for awhile? Then you lied when you said you had just found Jackson and decided to take him for a spin”, your brows furrowed in confusion since he had been drinking the wine of truth when he answered you. 

Yoongi pressed a kiss to your nose and laughed, “No, that was true, just not the entire truth. I’m a demon I know how to manipulate things babe”. Groaning you accepted his explanation since you were too tired to argue it, for now you just wanted to enjoy the demon next to you while you could. 

“Oh and ____? I’m moving in” Yoongi said with a snap of his fingers, whooshing noises filled the apartment as your boxes were unpacked and placed accordingly along with items you didn’t recognize. Looking at the decorations in your room you sighed, wanting to slap the smirk of the demons face as you noticed items of the occult hanging all over the wall with what you assumed was blood dripping down the paint. 

Living with Yoongi was going to be literal hell. 

(A/N: This was just something random I typed up in one night so sorry if it’s garbage! Also sorry if anything mentioned disturbed or triggered anyone!)

[everything-is-broken-here]

I am so beyond exhaused at the moment. On Thursday night for the first night ever I decided I would be the designated driver on a night out. My friend got absolutely smashed to the point where he couldn’t stand up basically and so I had to have him put his arm around me and walk him to the car, which was a 20 minute walk and my other friend, who was completely sober wouldn’t help despite the fact that I was basically dead lifting my friend because he had his entire body weight on me. My other friend thought that it was hilarious though and instead of getting on the other side of him and helping me to hold him up, she just laughed and pranced ahead and filmed me struggling. Anyway, about 100 metres from the car, my friend stomped his foot super hard and ended up standing on my foot (I was bare foot because I couldn’t physically carry him how I was with heels on because I kept falling, and he stood on me hard enough that it’s been bruised for days). I completely screamed in pain and swore because it hurt so bad, which set my friend off feeling so guilty that he was like “I’m sorry, I can walk by myself. I’m so sorry.” And he ran forward and started skipping and he ran into a concrete wall. This was at 1:20am. When I got to him there was blood absolutely everywhere, just pouring from his head and there was a massive pool of it on the ground. I sprinted to my car while my other friend sat with him and had to find a way to turn around and get to him which took like several minutes but it felt like a lifetime. We dragged my friend into the car and I had to drive him to the ER. Except there was nowhere to park outside of the ER so we had to park on a side street that was about a 7 minute walk. My friend couldn’t stand up at all at this point and kept almost passing out so we were trying to carry him, there was blood all over us and it was really terrifying. As we were walking, I saw an ambulance pass on the street that was connected to the one we were on and I was so relieved to see one that I took off sprinting again trying to catch it before it disappeared. I managed to get to it when it stopped outside the hospital and I was so out of breathe and just instantly just started puffing, “my friend. please. he needs help. please help us.” and that was all that I could get out before bursting into tears. And then I saw my friends coming down the road and I ran back over to them and we practically dragged him through the ER doors, blood absolutely everywhere. Despite time feeling like it had completely slowed down, we arrived at the ER at 1:45am so it only took us 25 minutes. They took my friend through and told us to wait in the waiting room. Every time we would ask for an update that would just tell us that he was asleep or that they hadn’t gotten to him yet which was beyond frustrating because there were only 2 other people waiting in the waiting room, which isn’t to say that they weren’t busy but it was still frustrating when you’re worried sick about someone. When we would ask about him they would just say “I’m sure he’s fine,” which was the least comforting thing ever because it wasn’t even a guarantee that he was okay it just sounded like they were too lazy to check and see how he actually was. At about 4am they told us they were going to have to put staples in his head because he’d cracked his head open. But then when we asked for an update at 5am they said they still hadn’t touched him. At this point I had been awake for an entire 24 hours, my day was hectic because I had back to back classes and the adrenaline of what had happened was wearing off, so I was exhausted and couldn’t control any of my emotions. I just wanted to go home to bed but I refused to leave until my friend was okay. At 7am the nurse came out and told us that his discharge letter was just being written up and he would be out shortly. I was so happy that it meant he was okay and that we could leave that I almost started crying, but I pushed it down and just victory hugged my friend instead. Then, not even 5 minutes later the nurse came back out and said that they decided to keep him in for observations for another 2 hours, which was when I stopped being able to hold in the tears. I was so tired that I just started crying and I was trying so hard to fight it but they just streamed. The nurse, who could see that I was exhausted told me to go home and sleep, but I explained that I couldn’t leave because we had called his dad 54 times and his mum was down south and nobody was answering their phones and non of his other friends can drive and just crying that he’s completely broke and wouldn’t be able to afford any way home so it was up to me to take him home and so I would just have to wait until they were ready to discharge him because there was almost no point in me going home by the time I got home I’d have had to go straight back. And I explained that once he got back to his house anyway there would be nobody to look after him because he lives with a housemate and she is always out, so he had to come back to mine. So the nurse said she would speak to the doctor and see what she could do. Finally she came back out and said that they were going to let him come home with me as long as I checked on him and made sure he didn’t have a concussion. They took us through to him and I was so happy that he was okay that I started crying of joy and gave him the biggest hug. So after 6 hours sitting in a waiting room doing nothing at all (because even my phone died), I finally got to take my friend home. The hospital didn’t clean him up at all while he was there and so he had crusty, dried blood all his face and in his hair. When we got back to my place, he was pretty much back to his usual level of energy except for the exhaustion, but he was still stumbling a bit so I had to shower him for him. It took me about 25 minutes to get the dried blood off of his face and out of his ears and off of his chest and then another 25 minutes to wash the blood out of his hair without getting soap ir touching the staples on top of his head. By the time we had finished cleaning him up it was 10:45am and we finally got to hop into bed, I was so overtired that I kept falling asleep but I could still hear my thoughts and I had an entire conversation with him in my sleep, which I do actually partly remember but mostly I don’t remember it at all. I have never been that tired in my entire life and it was such a weird feeling being asleep but being able to hear and feel and see everything around me, I’ve never experienced that before. I told him I would leave him alone and go and sleep in the spare room but he just pulled me in to him and gave me cuddles and thanked me for being there for him and so we both fell asleep cuddling. Despite being completely exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally, I only managed to get 3 hours of sleep and was awake again by 2pm, still feeling completely exhausted and in that run down state but I couldn’t go back to sleep because my friend had woken up at that point too and wanted someone to talk to. His mum ended up coming to my house to visit him (his mum is very abusive towards him and despite seeming lovely towards me he begged me to let him stay at mine instead of going back to her house with her). So she stayed for about an hour and then she left. Just as we were about to go and have a nap, my other friend that had been with us called and wanted to hang out. I begged her not to come over to my house because I was exhausted and wanted sleep but she refused to listen. I honestly have never pleaded with someone so hard in my life to just give me space and not come and see me, but nevertheless, she showed up 20 minutes later and I was beyond frustrated. I only managed to get a few hours of sleep again last night because I was still so worried about my friend, and even though I slept in a different bed to him for the first time in ages, it was the worst sleep I’ve ever had. I woke up this morning to a text from him because he was feeling nauseous and needed a bucket because he couldn��t get from my bed to the bathroom. So I woke up and got him a bucket and sat rubbing his back for an hour while he threw up. After he threw up, he fell straight back asleep and I went downstairs to clean out the bucket of puke so it’d be nice and clean for him if he woke up again and felt sick (honestly, friendship level 100). But I couldn’t stop dry wreaching while trying to take the bucket downstairs, so I was trying desperately not to look at it. I got downstairs to the laundry and got to the sink and looked that it was empty and quickly tipped the vomit down the sink and started washing the bucket (all without looking still), after I had gotten it to a point that was clean enough that I could stomach looking at it, I looked over and noticed that the plug had been in the sink the entire time, so I had to reach my hand into the sink filled with my friends vomit so I could pull out the plug and drain the sink. I have never been more disgusted, you think touching a piece of food in the sink while you’re doing dishes is bad, try touching someone elses vomit. After that horrific ordeal, I decided that I would try to sleep while my friend was sleeping because I honestly could have slept for about 80 years. Just as I crawled into bed and got nice and comfortable, a friend called me. We spent 2 and a half hours on the phone together!!!! And the whole time she just complained to me about how annoyed she was at my friend who hurt himself because he was an idiot and “hurt himself on purpose” and it wasn’t fair because now I had to look after him and do all this shit for him and she started telling me that she thinks he’s being toxic and I was just not in the mood for it because I couldn’t care less that I had to look after him, I was just glad that my friend was safe and okay. But yeah, I had to put up with the complaining for 2 and a half hours which isn’t great when you’re already so mentally and physically drained. Like my body has been aching since thursday because all of his body weight was on me while I was trying to carry him, I have bruises all over my body from it and I still haven’t had more than about 6 hours sleep since it all happened on thursday night. I finally got off the phone to my friend and was about to go to sleep and then my best friend called me 5 minutes later. I didn’t mind speaking to my best friend though because she was supportive and I enjoyed our conversation, but I was still just craving sleep. By the time I got off the phone to my best friend it was 4pm and my friend was awake so I couldn’t go back to sleep despite desperately wanting to. So I stayed up talking to my friend for an hour then got to a point where I was like “I’m so sorry but I really need to go and have a nap right now, I’ll be back in half an hour.” And then I was in my brothers room, almost asleep and my best friend called again having a panic attack and so I had to stay awake and talk to her (again, I didn’t mind but it’s like I couldn’t get 5 minutes to myself to sleep). After I got off of the phone I went downstairs and had some food and by the time I got upstairs, my friend was asleep again and has been asleep ever since, so I’m going to take this opportunity now, at 9:30pm on Saturday night, to finally get some actual sleep since I have had about 6 hours since I woke up on Thursday morning. It’s a miracle. I’m just so darn tired, the adrenaline used up so much of my energy and the complete and utter worry that I felt about my friend and hoping that he would be okay, spending 6 hours in a waiting room used up so much of my emotional capacity that I have just been empty since it happened, my body has been awake but I have been so dead inside and just in need of space from everyone, but I just haven’t been able to get it. So I’m excited to spend 20 minutes to myself and then go straigt to sleep. 

[xxmadsxoxo]

How to get on Santa’s nice list. {Part Four}

Part one, two, and three.

Pairing: Buck Barnes x Reader

Pre warning: Fluff, Fluff, and some more fluff

Warnings: Swearing, Buckys Smart ass remarks, and probably bad punctuation because I’m using my phone.

Summary: you moved in with your best friends apartment around 3 years ago, and found out she has one hot neighbor. Only problem is he is a huge smart mouth, and he always has jokes. Worst thing of all is he is a huge flirt, the boy could make your face warm up with a look. One day he gave you a snarky comment (to no surprise.) but you decided in spirit of the holiday to challenge him. No, smart mouth, or dirty jokes for the rest of November lets see if he can get on Santa’s nice list.

This is for ( @lovelynemesis ) Sam’s rockin’ around the Christmas tree writing challenge! 29. “Ho! Ho! Ho!” “Honey don’t insult yourself that way.”

The next morning.

Well day two of this bet, and I feel like shit. If I had know that Bucky was acting out because of these night terrors, I probably wouldn’t have set it up. I think while sipping my tea, listening to Natasha make her coffee while humming the national anthem, that’s a sign she slept well.

“How did you sleep like a baby after last night?”

“What do you mean?”

I throw my hand up “What happened with Barnes!?”

“Oh right. What I can’t sleep well, because Bucky can’t?”

“Well no, you can. I didn’t even know he had night terrors, did you?”

She nods pouring her coffee in her avengers mug. “I found out about a year ago, a little before you two met. I just didn’t worry about it.”

“How could you not worry?”

She sits next to me getting cozy before she answers. “Well, he’s handled them since he woke up 75 years into the future. I figured he’d be fine, why worry?”

I sit in shock for a second. Maybe I’m thinking too far into this, I mean hell I lost more sleep over this. “Maybe I should have just let him pull through it on his own.”

“Why do you say that?”

I shift in my spot. “Well he got really upset at me last night.” I sip my tea waitin for her thoughts.

“He’s probably over it by now.” I nod “Maybe.”

12:32pm

The fun thing about going shopping without Nat, is that nobody stops us to ask why she looks familiar. It’s just me, normal and infamous ol’ y/n. Anyhow, I still have to deal with idiots who walk around the store like they just walked in from a different dimension, and don’t know what the hell they are doing here. I have a slight temper when I’m in public, people drive me insane.

Finally I get to the register, with all my stuff on the conveyor belt. I look at the magazines to see if there is anything new, that’s when something great catches my eye. I quickly throw it up with the rest on my stuff, and pay.

-

I burst through the door with all the groceries, and set them on the counter. “Nat!” I yell grabbing the magazine out of one of the bags. “I’ve got something to show you.” She walks in brushing her hair. “What is it y/n/n” I hand it to her with a evil grin. I watch her eyes flash with confusion, and shock. Bucky walkis in- just in time- she looks at me and back at the ‘zine flipping through the pages. “What’s going on girls?” Natasha turns around and shows him the cover. “Have you seen this?!” He rips it from her hands, and flips to the page as well.

“Can’t believe this. 14 things you need to know about each avenger. Are the same 14 things I didn’t know about either of you.” They both give you a look, and then back at each other. “How the hell did they know this stuff?” I laugh and start putting groceries away. “Beats me, but man did I have a laugh.” I hear Nat mumble something, but I can’t make out what it was. Bucky said “Do you think there are more articles like this?” I smile and throw the empty bags under the sink. “Probably, I’m sure buzzfeed has a few.” I get out my phone and search it up. “Any at all?” I click on one that sparks my interest ‘What kind of dates would the avengers have.’ “Here’s one.” I pass my phone to them and sit on the couch. Turning on charmed, and listening to them mumble things.

“I WOULD NEVER!” I can’t help but laugh.

They sit down, Nat handing me my phone. I feel much better about today, than I felt this morning. Now I’m back to winning this bet.

5:56pm

I’m over 5 hours deep in friends episodes.

Bucky’s napping on the other end of the couch, and Nat walks out from showering. “Hey, wanna go see the Christmas lights?” I sit up and bump Bucky, he wakes up and groans. “I do, but I don’t know about Mr. Grumps here.” He sits up, and runs his fingers through his hair. “Where we going?” Nat takes the towel off her head “To see Christmas lights, are you up for it?” He stands up and nods “Uh, sure why not.”

6:43pm

It’s like 20 degrees, and for once I’m actually cold. I have a sweater, a jacket, and a heavy coat on right now. Bucky is always warm because of the stupid super Soldier serium, and Nat has gotten used to it. I’m holding it together though, I look fine on the outside. Atleast I think I do. We pass a Santa Claus taking pictures with little kids, and Nat chuckles. “Hey, who do you think is gonna dress as Santa’s this year?” She was talking about Tony’s anual Christmas Eve party, where atleast one person dresses as Santa and passes out all of the gifts tony got. “I hope it isn’t me, could you imagine.” I laugh out loud with Nat, as Bucky smiles at the ground. “Ho! Ho! Ho!” I think quick in my feet, and slap my hand into his shoulder. “Oh honey don’t insult yourself that way.” His smile falters and he try’s to keep it on as if it didn’t get to him, Nat laughs louder than before. “Haha, very funny.” I laugh and nudge him. “Oh come on lighten up punk.”

We start walking through all the pretty lights strung up, and it makes me feel warm inside. Although this time of year has never been good for me, I always tried to keep my spirits up. I will always try to enjoy myself, and all the things this season brings. We reach the ice skating rank, and I chuckle. “It’s a good thing we aren’t going there.” I sit at a table by all the food trucks. “Actually we are.” Nat smiles at you apologetically. “No.” I shake my head and Stand up. “No nat, no friking way.”

Bucky steps closer to me. “Why what’s wrong?” Nat looks at Bucky and points to me. “Y/n is afraid to ice skate.” Bucky scoffs. “What why?” I roll my eyes, and hold back my anger. “Because I just do alright?” He grabs my hand. “Oh come on doll, it couldn’t hurt.”

Oh, but it could in many ways. See my anxiety is well hidden, sometimes I could have an anxiety attack and still look fine right in front of you. ICE SKATING BRINKS OUT ALL THE WORST PARTS OF MY ANXIETY. I won’t move, or I’ll start having a panic attack. Nat should know never to take me here, but we’ll here we are. “Bucky, I don’t wanna ice skate. Please don’t make me.” I grip his hand and give him puppy eyes. They are mostly real because the idea, is already making me want to break down. Nat grabs my shoulder and pulls me in for a hug, patting my back. “I just thought maybe you’d changed your mind on it.” I shake my head hugging her back. “Nope, I haven’t. Sorry love.” She let’s go and backs up. “Well you can stay here and eat, I’m gonna go okay?”

I nod, and sit down. “Yeah of course, please don’t let me stop you from having your own fun. I’ll be good here.” I finish saying looking at Bucky. He grips my shoulder. “I’ll stay with her, keep her company.” Nat nods and walks to the booth. “You can go if you want buck, I’ll be okay.” He sits and sets his hand on my knee. “That’s okay doll, never really been too fond of ice skating myself. Never got good at it.”

7:24pm

Nat comes back and sits down on the chair, with a huge smile. “Man I forgot how great that was, and a hot guy gave me his number. Too bad I’m not up for dating, I have my eye on someone else.” I laugh and scoot the nachos closer to her, she takes a couple and shoves them in her mouth. “Who do you have your eye on Nat?” She chews faster, and swallows before answering. “Dr. Banner. But he probably doesn’t feel the same.” I tilt my head “are you crazy? Why wouldn’t he feel the same?” She shrugs. “I don’t know.”

Bucky sighs “I’m getting tired how about you girls?” We nod in agreement, and stand up. Throwing away all our trash, we start walking back.

8:17pm

We are at buckys door saying goodnight. Nat finishes hugging him and waves goodnight as she goes to unlock our door, and he looks to me. “Oh, you actually want a hug this time?” He looks down, and shakes his head. “I didn’t mean to avoid you last night, I was just-I… I don’t know.” He looks up at you and opens his arms. “I’m sorry.” I knew he meant it, and I hugged him tight. “I know you are Barnes, and it’s okay. I’ll forgive you this time.” He lets go, and smiles. “Good.” He kisses my forehead, and unlocks his door. “Goodnight y/n/n, see you tomorrow.” He shuts his door, and I go back to our place.

It’s 10:57pm and I’m woken up by what I can only assume is Bucky. I fell asleep on the couch again, still In jeans and such. I go change into pjs, choosing to leave him be, I brush my teeth, and my hair before I go to the kitchen. Grabbing a bottle of water to take to bed, but before I can leave the kitchen I hear screaming and banging on the wall. I can’t just leave him like that.

-

Next thing I know.

I’m in his room deciding how I should approach the situation. I set my water bottle down on his night stand, and shake his shoulder a bit. “Bucky?” I move his hair out of his face, and he jerks his head to the side groaning. I straddle his hips and say it louder and a little more confidently “Buck, Bucky honey I need you to wake up.” He groans louder and ball the sheets into his fists. I kiss his forehead. “Bucky, wake up!” His metal arm grabs my shoulder and he slams onto the other side of the bed, in a second. He loosens his grip on me, and blinks slowly. “Y/n?” I smile “Hey buck.” He looks around realizing he’s got me trapped under him. “Oh god did I hurt you? Are you okay?”

I chuckle, and move his hair behind his ear. “No buck I’m fine, really!” He tilts his head “So why are you in here?” I raise my brow. “Well you were having a nightmare, and I couldn’t stand and listen to it.” He moves back to his side, and lays on his back. “Oh.” I lay on my side looking at him. “Mind if I stay over? I’ll feel less worried knowing you slept well.” He looks at me in confusion “you worry? Why?” I run my fingers through the crocheted blanket. “Because I care about you Barnes.” He nods slowly, as though he understands.

I sit and wait for a few moments before I ask again. “So can I?” He hums “hmm?” “Stay the night?” He looks at you, and smiles. “Sure doll. Just stay on your side of the bed.” I giggle before agreeing. “Sure thing Sarge.” He stiffens, and I lay comfortably to sleep.

•••••••••••••••••••••

Part Five is here!

There you go guys, there’s part four. I hope you all like it, and I hope it isn’t too annoying. I’m sorry these are all spaced so far apart, I’m a procrastinator. Lol

Tag List: @starkxpotts @ailynalonso15 @boyzines @buckysforeverprincess @of-rin-and-carlile @isnt-the-blog-youre-looking-for @libbymouse

[donnarider]

Conspiracy club (Klance au) part 1

This is a birthday present for @beekeeper-cas who wanted a high school au where Keith is in a conspiracy club and Lance wants to help everyone and constantly needs a nap (I hope I remembered this right ‘cause my garbage phone deleted the text). Enjoy <3

„Lance? Lance? DUDE!“

Something cold touched the back of his neck and he jerked. His head collided painfully with something hard. He groaned and examined the spot of impact. He could have sworn he could already feel a bump.

“ ¿Qué mierda?” he cursed and looked up angrily. His expression softened immediately when his eyes fell on Hunk’s pained face. His best friend was rubbing his jawline.

“Man. You really don’t like it when someone wakes you up…”

“Shit, Hunk. I’m sorry. Are you okay?”

“I’ve had worse. I’m a beefy football player, this is nothing.” He flexed and winked at Lance who blushed a little. Hunk was his best friend but that didn’t mean he couldn’t tell how handsome he was. He had had a small crush on him in 10th grade but it had lasted only a couple of weeks and it had never made things weird between them in any way. “So…” Hunk started and sat down next to Lance at the table he had fallen asleep at. “I’m guessing you didn’t get any sleep last night…again…” Lance squirmed in his chair. Hunk wasn’t going to like his answer.

“Nooo…BUT it was totally an emergency, Hunk! The yearbook club had a major setback with the layout so Nyma called me and - “

“Nyma can do that sort of stuff on her own. She knows how busy you always are and yet she calls you over every little thing. You really need to learn how to say no to her, Lance.” Hunk sighed and ruffled up Lance’ hair.

“I know, I know… but I also wanted to help the other guys in the club, not only her… Anyways, we were supposed to be finished by ten but I didn’t get home till after midnight and then suddenly one of my sisters called from college because her boyfriend broke up with her and she got super drunk and cried and stuff. He didn’t deserve her anyways, that motherfucker…”

“Not the point, Lance. You need to sleep and preferably not during class. By the way, you slept through chemistry again in case you haven’t noticed.” Lance looked around and realized they were indeed still in the lab. He groaned.

“Kaltenecker is gonna breathe down my neck for the rest of the year. I might as well just dig my own grave.”

“No self-pity today, we don’t have time for that. Get off your ass, we’re going to the library to study. You have a lot to catch up on.” Lance was already grabbing his bag and hurried after Hunk.

“Did I ever tell you that I love you, big guy?”

“Once or twice… a day.” Hunk chuckled and punched his arm playfully.

A couple of hours later he was rubbing at his eyes aggressively and was downing his fourth coffee. Which was a lot considering that he hated coffee more than anything. The library smelled of old books and wood and the cheap lamps with their dimmed light did not exactly make it easier to stay awake. Hunk yawned for the fifth time in a row and finally closed his chemistry book.

“Alright, I need to crash. Let’s go home.” Lance shook his head in response.

“You go. I want to go over this part again.”

“Lance!” Hunk said with a warning tone in his voice.

“I’m gonna sleep eventually, promise.” Hunk raised his eyebrows.

“Full 8 hours!” Lance added and made a boy scout gesture. Hunk snorted.

“I’m gonna ask your mum at what time you got home so don’t try any shit, McClain.” Hunk pulled a granola bar from his bag, put it in front of Lance and grabbed his books. Lance smiled at him and saluted when he turned around one last time before he left the library. He pushed the granola bar aside with his index finger. He could use it as a reward for later and his brain worked better on an empty stomach anyways. He sighed and flipped through the pages of his book until he found the chapter he was struggling with. He ripped a blank page from his writing pad. Maybe summarizing his own notes again would help him learn this stuff by heart.

Ten minutes later he found himself doodling small fish on the side of the page. He sighed and lay his head on the table. He should have gone home with Hunk. It was late and he was tired and he had to get up early tomorrow to help the prom committee hang those stupid posters before class started. A sudden chill made him shiver. It was getting cold in the library but he also had the feeling someone was looking at him. He turned his face so that his other cheek was now resting on the table. There was no one looking at him but he saw someone roaming between the shelves. The person was trailing the back of the books with their finger as if they were searching for something but weren’t sure what. Lance could only see their hand for a second but he was sure they were wearing black fingerless leather gloves. When they rounded the next shelf Lance could finally see their upper body.

It was a tall boy with black hair. He wore a black shirt and a red leather jacket with broad white stripes on it. He wasn’t looking in Lance’ direction so it was difficult to see his face. Eventually he pulled a rather big book out of one of the shelves and opened it. Lance was sure he would go to one of the tables to read next but instead he lowered himself to the floor right between the shelves and sat down cross-legged, the book in his lap. He was now facing Lance but apparently hadn’t noticed him. Lance breath caught in his throat. He didn’t know if it was because he was tired but the boy looked incredibly beautiful to him and it made Lance’ heart ache a little. His face was the perfect mix of hard lines and softness and his hair was falling into his face in an endearing way. Lance was, however, pretty sure he was hallucinating the boy because there was no way he actually had a mullet. Nope. Not possible.

His hallucination suddenly looked up and met his gaze. Lance froze. His eyes were so big… and they were fixed on him. He gulped, suddenly very aware that his face was lying on the table and he probably looked like a complete idiot. But the other’s face showed no emotion. He just looked at Lance for a moment and then turned his gaze back to the book in his lap. Lance couldn’t help but keep staring at him and he swore he saw the corner of the boy’s mouth curl up in a smile. Even if it was only for a second.

Lance knew his face was probably red by now and he buried his head under his arms on the table. He fell asleep seconds later.

When the annoyed librarian woke him an hour later because they were closing a red leather jacket had been draped over his shoulders.

After Hunk hit him lightly for not even being close to eight hours of sleep the next morning he was finally able to tell someone about the weird encounter.

“I mean I don’t even know who he is so how am I gonna give him back his jacket?” he ended helplessly. Hunk giggled in response. Lance frowned at him.

“How exactly is that funny, Hunk?”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. It’s just… dude…this is some Cinderella shit right here. Now you have to make every guy you see try on the jacket until you find your one true love… mullet-boy.” Lance kicked his shin under the cafeteria table.

“Bad Hunk, not helping.” Hunk stilled laughed at his own joke.

“Sorry, yeah. Back on track. So, tell me again how pretty he was.” Lance sighed.

“Soooo pretty, Hunk. Ugh. Like… have you ever seen someone so pretty it actually made you thankful humankind was created?”

“I think you might be exaggerating a bit there but okay.”

“Exaggerating? Our Lance? Never!” deadpanned Pidge who just arrived at their table with a full food tray. They sat down next to Hunk and threw the cookie from their tray at Lance. “Here, you disgusting sugar addict.” They took a spoon full of pasta and started chewing. “What are we talking about?”

“Lance met some weird guy in the library last night and is head over heels for him. Unfortunately he doesn’t have any idea who they guy is,” Hunk filled them in while Lance was busy unpacking the cookie and taking a big bite of it. “Our only clue is a jacket his knight in shining armor left.” Pidge nodded.

“Cinderella style.” Hunk beamed at them.

“Exactly!”

“So, Lance. What did he look like?” They asked with one eyebrow raised. Lance knew that the story had woken their interest.

“Black hair, black shirt, fingerless leather gloves, I didn’t pay much attention to his legs but I think black jeans and boots and ummm also… he… well sort of… a mullet,” he mumbled the last words so Pidge might not hear them. They did of course and a stupidly wide grin was plastered on their face.

“Show me the jacket please, dear sir.” Lance grabbed it from the seat next to him and held it up so Pidge could see. He knew they were up to something but knowing Pidge it was better to just go with it.

“Ahhh, well. Mystery solved, I guess.” They said still grinning.

“What? How?”

“I know exactly whose jacket that is.”

“Well? Tell me!”

“Yeah!” Hunk joined in. “Tell us! This is getting really interesting.”

“Keith Kogane. He’s in our year. You don’t have any classes with him though so that explains why you never saw him before. He usually sticks to himself.”

“Kogane…Never heard the name either… How do you know him, Pidge?” They shrugged and swallowed another spoon of pasta before they replied.

“Conspiracy club.”

“Conspi-… what? I didn’t even know we had one!” Lance almost yelled. This was definitely not what he had expected.

“Well, now you know. Every Thursday, 5pm.” Lance and Hunk watched them eat their pasta in silence for a moment. Both too surprised to react. They had been friends with Pidge for years and while they knew about their ‘obsessions’ they had no idea that they were in a club like that. Lance took another bite from his cookie before he slammed his fist on the table and made Hunk jump a bit.

“Hunk, we’re going to the conspiracy club. Today. I wanna meet my Cinderella.”

Author’s notes:

@beekeeper-cas You know how much you mean to me, right? You’re so incredibly important to me and I will be forever thankful that we met and became friends. You’re such a kind, amazing person and I learned so much from you. I’m so glad that we can just hang and talk about stuff all day and when I get home I feel so much better. I wish you all the good things in the world and hope you have a wonderful birthday <3

I’m incredibly sorry if there are any mistakes in this. Unfortunately beekeeper-cas is also my beta and since this is a surprise for her I couldn’t exactly ask her to proof-read it xD If you find any mistakes feel free to tell me.

I don’t know shit about American schools so I’m just making this up as I go with a little help from google.

In case you read my Klance soulmate au and are wondering “Wtf Donna, why don’t you finish one fic before you start a new one?” the answer is that a lot of shit is going on in my life right now (I’m talking existencial level) and I need to work on that right now. Since this is a birthday present for one of my best friends it was more important to me than the other fic. I hope I will be able to upload the next chapter of the soulmate au wihtin the next two weeks. Please bear with me. Read the soulmate au here

As it says in the short intro the idea for this fic comes entirely from beekeeper-cas. She told me she wanted a conspiracy club au where Lance always helps people and studies at night and one night he falls asleep in the library and wakes up with Keith’s jacket on him. I just filled in some details, added some own ideas and well... wrote it xD I hope you like it Mish ^-^

If you want me to tag you when I post the next chapter of this just send me an ask ;)

[pbandjesse]

I am such a good day today. Honestly I wasn't super excited about it because I felt really nervous for my workshop. And I slept better last night but I still didn't sleep great.

After I got home last night I was really tired. I got back here and got showered and changed and me and James were getting ready for bed. I was doing my skin care routine when James gets a phone call. Angie had locked her keys in the museum and she couldn't get home because her keys were in the museum. And so she apparently called a couple other people and no one was picking up. So we were her last option. And so of course me and James put on slippers and we headed out to save her.

And it didn't take long. It only takes about 10 minutes each way. Give or take. And she was so excited to see us. Very soon we were home.

We both got woken up a bunch last night though. It would get really hot at one point. And then too cold. I was very nauseous. We were just going through it.

But this morning I woke up and everything wasn't so bad. I had put everything together for my workshop already and James took everything down to the car. I didn't want them to take it all down to the car because they're really not supposed to be holding heavy things. But they did it anyway. And soon we were off to the museum.

I was really glad to have the extra time to set up. I did add a couple more pages to my slideshow and James printed them out for me. Then I had to go on a hunt throughout the museum to find a stapler that actually worked. And I set up the table and I felt really good about everything. The only thing I couldn't find was a seam ripper. I didn't think to bring one and it would have been nice to have. But we made it work.

Annie would come around 9:00 and make sure I was set up. And really it's nice to have her there is a little intro for me but she didn't need to bring her whole family in it was okay. I feel bad that she does it but I still really appreciate it

I'm very slowly my people started coming in. All in all I ended up with seven. And shockingly only one of those seven was a child. The first three people that showed up were a family. But their daughter was an adult. And they were so lovely. Dad was really into bears. Apparently their whole house is filled with antique ones and fun ones and they were really excited to learn. The mom already knew how to sell but had never made a teddy bear before. And they jumped right in to looking at the fabric. I had laid all the fabric on the table and also cut out one pair of each fabric just in case someone didn't feel comfortable cutting things out. Annie said that she was surprised by that because she thought that cutting the fabric would be part of the journey. But in my experience people sometimes get very intimidated by that so instead I gave them the option.

And a few people did choose to cut out their own. The dad in the daughter in the first group that came in decided to choose ones that were already cut so I was able to get them started right away. I had pre-thread a bunch of needles and that made things very easy for everyone as well.

We also had one single woman who came in who wanted to learn to sew because she teaches special ed to adults. And then a couple who I think might have been on a first or second date. Which I love when that happens. They were very cute. He's apparently working on a PhD or just dropped out of his PhD because he got to the Masters level and that's all he wanted anyway. And she was really nice too and seemed very very smart. And then someone walked up to buy a ticket for their daughter. Who I think was younger than 10, she might have been like six or seven. But she was very very much a good listener. She was scared of the sewing machine but she was very good all in all. And the dad was a very big help. Honestly I would have let him make a bear too if he asked but he didn't so we focused on her bear.

The whole program took about an hour and a half. Which was very good time. I had had said that it could be two to two and a half hours just in case. But we didn't eat all that time. Stanley had helped me set up chairs and two tables so I can have the sewing machines. And what I would do would be once someone has their fabric cut out and pinned we would use one length of thread to sew a whip stitch as far as they could with that one left. And then I would move them to the sewing machine have them have their hands on the fabric while I control the pedal and then after a few inches they would take over the pedal as well. And we didn't have any sewing machine issues at all. The worst we had was one a thread tour. But the grape sewing machine I have does that all the time so it really wasn't that surprising.

And because of the layout some people were cutting some people were hand sewing some people were machine sewing almost no one was waiting at any given time. And I was just so happy. It was a lot. I was running around constantly. But I was giving everyone lots of encouragement and everyone seemed pretty comfortable. And I had some really nice chats and was just really having a really fun day.

Slowly though everyone finished and I helped them put eyeballs in which always looks a little violent because we're using an awe to stab through your bear's face but they looked so cute. And then once everyone stuffed them I taught them all how to do a ladder stitch.

So they would leave with a whip stitch, some sewing machine, and the ladder stitch as a skill. And they all did a great job. And I really hope that we can run this workshop again because everyone was really excited. I think one of the problems is just doing workshops near a holiday. The one that we did near Easter didn't work out and the one we did near Christmas last year didn't work out. But I think if we do this again it would for sure be a good time.

The family that had come in first stayed the longest. And help me clean up because they were very sweet. And we talked for a little while about other things. The dad apparently is a potter and asked about selling at the farmers market. So I told him how he could apply. And maybe I'll see him again in the spring.

Once I was cleaned up I went up to the front desk to see James. And then I told them I would be back in a few hours for them. I was going to clean the apartment. I was very determined.

On my drive back here a homeless couple that's always at the edge of Martin Luther King boulevard got really excited about my mole cars that I have in my window. The guy got all excited was pointing and I rolled down my window to show her what they look like. And when I got home I put one that I have extra in my purse because next time I see them I'm going to give it to her. She told me that when her life was different, when it was better. When she was a kid. She made a stop motion animation at avam. And I really think that even though I don't have anything else to give her this little thing might make her happy. And making her happy would make me happy.

I got home and brought everything upstairs. Mr will stop me at the door and he helped me bring the sewing machines up. And Tina and her sister were here as well. Her sister was a lot younger than I was anticipating but she was really nice. We talked about James and Christmas and just how things were going. And then I came upstairs and had a snack and got to work organizing and cleaning the apartment. It's not perfect. But I got a lot done. Spray down the tub and vacuumed and did some dusting. I put a bunch of paperwork away. And all of the materials for the program today I got put away in their homes. I also moved all of the stuff that we're getting rid of into the hallway so that it at least it'll be by the door and ready to go down to the car when I'm ready to take it to the first store or wherever I'm taking it.

And it was just a really nice afternoon. I didn't really work on anything else. I'm still a week behind on my knitting and I hope to do a lot of that tomorrow. But it was just a nice way to spend the day.

Eventually I would lay down because my back hurt. And soon enough it was time for me to leave to go get James.

I had to wait in the parking lot for a little while but that didn't bother me. Once James came out we decided we would go over to Jimmy John's and get sandwiches for dinner. And that is always very quick. So we got our sandwiches and went right home.

When we got back here we went upstairs and we ate and then we realized that the Christmas cards we ordered had come so we packed those in the envelopes. James has to put the addresses on them but I wrote all of the names. And we chilled until it was time for James to go out to go to the theater.

That's where they are now and I'm waiting to hear if they want me to pick them up or not. But while they've been gone I have been resting. And I went through all of the Christmas presents that I have. I wrapped some. I made some notes about things I need to fill in. Places that I think I can do better. And was just feeling really good.

I took a bath and watched a short documentary. And I washed my hair. And now I think I'm going to go dry it and wait for James to let me know if they need me to come get them. Sweetp is laying on me right now because he likes hearing my voice. And that's really one of the nicest things about doing talk to text. Sweetp just really like listening to me and back in the day I used to talk to him a lot more I think. I love him so much. He is a very good boy even when he is being a bastard.

I have the next couple days off. Tomorrow I don't have to do anything. When James is done work we're going to go to the gift shop at avam to buy stuff for presents. And then Monday and Tuesday James has doctor's appointments. And we also have the holiday party on Monday. Tomorrow I think when I wake up I'm going to go to the grocery store and get stuff to make my special dessert for the holiday party. But it might just be a test run. I also want to make more thumb print cookies because our jam Advent calendar has been great. But we have so much jams now. And I need to use it for something.

So I hope you all have a great night tonight and sleep better than I have been. Let's hope that the heat stays at an even temperature and not up and down all night long. Until tomorrow everyone.