#still remember when that happened. staring at the pills in my hand. I only didn't do it because I had things to hide and I only had 15 minu

[mobpd]

I'm such a coward. tried to at least get deep enough as a preparation to slit my wrists but I couldn't even get to the second layer. and it's not even like i don't like to hit styro, i'm just being a little bitch about it

[pinkthrone445]

-Welcome Home- Part 2

Part 1

Pairing:Melissa Schemmenti x Reader

Gender:soft, fluf, friends to lovers(?)

Warnings:I don't think so

Summary:You come back home after many years and your mom's friend welcomes you like if time never passed.

Btw... HAPPY PRIDE MONTH MY BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE!

Thick, soft thighs squeezing the side of your body, her hips pressing down on your crotch, the heat coming from her and that gentle rubbing she generated, your hands squeezing her skin and her lips bitting you. Her delicate necklaces hitting your chin and her heavy breathing caressing your skin. And those little whimpers... Fuck, you were fucked.

How were you supposed to sleep with what had happened? How were you supposed to sleep with the redhead lying next to you in your t-shirt and only her underwear underneath?

Her bare soft thick legs next to you... Fuuuuuck

If you opened your eyes you could see her next to you and how the sheet hugged her hips and ass, but if you closed your eyes you couldn't stop remembering the perfection of a woman she was and how good she looked sitting on your hips. Either way you were fucked.

You also couldn't go to sleep on the couch because she was right, it was very uncomfortable, plus you couldn't leave her alone and give her the wrong idea that you didn't want to be with her. Although, come to think of it, maybe you had already given her that impression when you sent her to sleep without explaining why.

Fuck a thousand times.

The next morning as soon as you saw the first rays of sunshine picking through the window, you got out of bed leaving the redhead alone. Your father was in the kitchen preparing breakfast as he was used to getting up very early, silently and tiredly you hugged him and he kissed your forehead

-"Hello baby. Are you okay? You look tired" - He asked worriedly, and you smiled as you sat down at the table nodding

-"Yes dad, just a little bit worried about the new job, that's all" - You responded and smiled like a toddler when your father handed you a plate of your favorite breakfast plus a glass of juice and a bowl of fruit-"Thank you Pa" - You responded and took a swig of juice just as you heard the redhead talking behind you while she came down the stairs, you started choking and cough nervously

-"Damm Gerald, that smells amazing, even if I feel like I want to puke, my stomach is having a fight for a taste of your breakfast" - Melissa was wearing her sunglasses as she normally did when she was hungover, she was also still wearing your nightshirt but with pants underneath this time and she had a ponytail. The redhead crouched down in front of you and kissed your forehead and stole a piece of fruit from your plate, the shirt opened a little giving you a rich view of her breasts-"Good morning sweetheart" - She murmured, smiling

The sight of her breasts made you literally salivate, even more than the hearty breakfast you had on your plate. Images from the night before flooded your head, her body grinding and her groans flooded your ears. How could she act so normal? You thought she would be angry about your rejection or embarrassed about it, but maybe she didn't remember anything because of how drunk she was...

The sound of your father clearing his throat brought you back to reality and you blushed for staring at the redhead's breasts

-"I-I left a painkiller and a glass of water in the counter for you, I figure you would be hungover" - You muttered and looked back at your plate

-"You're too sweet" - Mel kissed your forehead again and went for the pill.

-"Melissa... We are going a few days to the beach to celebrate that (Y/N) is back with us... Do you want to go? You are one of her closest friends and also my wife best friend, I'm sure they want you there, don't you baby?" - Your father commented to the redhead and you nodded smiling a little forcefully because you couldn't get your memory off what had happened a few hours ago.

By the next day, the bags were packed and the plane tickets bought. Thanks to fate or thanks to your mother, you ended up sitting next to the redhead.

While the trip wasn't that long, Mel had taken pills to calm her down as planes made her nervous, so as soon as you all got on the plane, she fell asleep leaning on your shoulder. You carefully bent down and closed the window a little so that the light wouldn't disturb her, then put on a movie to enjoy on the flight.

The redhead let out small sighs as if she was dreaming, delicately you took her hand giving her little caresses that calmed her little whimpers quickly. Unconsciously and asleep, she squeezed your hand tighter, making sure you didn't let go, thing that made you smile. Taking advantage of the fact that she was asleep, you observed all her features with patience and care.

When did you start seeing her this way? When your eyes for her had changed? When and why? Why have you never felt this way about someone before? You'd been in love before, but not in this way, it was something familiar and completely new at the same time.

Why did your hands tremble with desire to caress her cheek, to touch her, to feel her? Why did you feel so much desire and wanting for her? Why was it so easy for you to end relationships with other people, but now you couldn't control the feelings you had for her? Why did that kiss, instead of calming your cravings, stoke an uncontrollable fire inside you, a fire that was consuming you from the inside out? When did you had fall in love with her?..

Your fingers contour the silhouette of her knuckles, her skin was so soft and always smelled good, you contoured some veins that stood out on her white skin, almost as white as the skin on her thighs, those veins were like path, like a map to her heart. Her skin had some very slight age spots and some freckles, like the ones that you could see in her face if you were lucky to be close enough...

If you risk it all and kiss her, she would kiss you back? Or she would still see you as a stupid teen like when she met you at your 19? Even though it had been more than 15 years since that, would you still be a child in her eyes? What would happen if you risk it all?...

You don't know if you could keep ignoring what you were feeling for her much longer. You always felt a certain attraction to her, but before it was easier to ignore it, because the age difference was so big and she was married, you were sure she wouldn't have payed attention to you. But now, now that you were older and no lover was on the way, now that you had come back after 8 years and those feelings haven't diminished a bit, instead they grew and surfaced much stronger than when you were younger, you weren't quite sure you could hide them for much longer. Much less hide them from her who knew you better than anyone else.

All these years that had passed between you and yet it seemed that at no time had you been separated from each other. The way she kept grabbing your attention even though you were in a room with thousands of people. Hasn't she noticed? Has she noticed your gaze on her? Has she noticed the feelings behind your eyes? Has she noticed them and decided to ignore them? Or she haven't noticed them at all?

Why, even though you've been in love before, has it never felt like this? Should you take the risk? Should you take a chance and tell her how you felt? Tell her that even if you were thousands of miles away from her, the green of the Northern Lights at night only reminded you of the green of her eyes, that neither the beauty of the Northern Lights could compare to the beauty of her eyes nor could it capture your attention as she did.

Maybe you should tell her how the red of dawn only reminded you of the red of her hair and lips, that the heat generated by the sun on your skin was nothing compared to the heat your heart felt when she was close to you.

Tell her how whenever and wherever you were, she was your everything, your first though and the reason of your dreams...

You wanted to tell her everything, but words weren't enough to express everything that you felt for her. And also, you were scared if you tell her everything and she didn't reciprocarte, you would lose her forever.

Why love was so hard and scary? Wasn't there some way to skip all of this and get to the part where you'd gotten around all the awkward chatter and problems and were finally together?...

The pilot, warning that the plane would begin the descent and that you should please put on your seatbelts, took you out of your thoughts. You delicately stopped holding the redhead's hand and put on your belt and then did the same with her, drowsy, the redhead opened her eyes and smiled softly at you

-"Thank you" - she whispered and stretched

-"We are landing" - You answered

-"Oh no, I woke up earlier... Can you hold my hand while we land?" - She asked and you nodded

-"Always" - You took her hand tightly and she sighed at peace.

When the plane landed and you got home, your parents took the master bedroom for them, your sister and her boyfriend other room and Mel and you ended sharing the last room.

You had big plans for the week you would have on vacation, you wanted to make the most of everything before you had to start working at the hospital, plus it was pride month so you had to celebrate.

On the first day you all decided to go to the beach together.

There were people listening music, some playing, others tanning and some swimming. You could taste the salt of the ocean in the air and the sun provided a comfortable embrace. Your father placed an umbrella in the sand and some beach chairs, you put a towel on the floor and sat there. After everyone had a snack, you and Mel went to the sea to enjoy the warm water. You buried your feet in the wet sand and let the water get your knees wet, the redhead stood next to you smiling and took off her beach robe leaving her only in a bikini, you did your best not to look at her body

-"Happy Pride kiddo, I'm proud of you" - she whispered and you smiled finally looking at her, she was using a very colorful swimsuit, like a rainbow, thing that surprise you, since she always used her signature red one-"I'm an ally, I'm using this to support my favorite girl" - she told you and you laughed, she called herself an "ally" when she could easily be the one running the whole pride parade-"I also convinced everyone to use a pride pin on their clothes or bags, you're welcome" - she said proudly

-"Ohh that was the reason, thank you Mel" - You smiled to her and she took your hand pulling you deeper to the water.

You spend the whole day getting wet and playing with each other in the beach (I know what you are thinking dirty minded).

More days and activities passed and everywhere the redhead stayed with you. One of the last days of vacation, when you went out to buy something to eat, you found out that there would be a party for Pride Month, something you couldn't miss, and it wasn't very hard to make the redhead tag along.

You and the eldest dressed in your best dresses and made colorful and extravagant makeup, and then went to the party venue. The atmosphere was safe and fun, many couples dancing or drinking or talking, it was a cool well decorated place.

I'm no time, you and Mel started drinking and talking with other people, having fun and dancing the night away.

People treated you like if they had known you from many years and a group of queer people invited you to play games with them

-"For this game, you and your partner tell us a story, each of you have to say a sentence, it can be a real story or a made up one, you have to trick us, and by the end, we have to guess if it is true or not, if we guess correctly and you loose, you have to make out, if you won, you can choose a punishment for us"-One of them explained and Mel and you nodded. No matter how much you explained to others that the two of you were just friends, they made you play together since the game was in pairs and you were the only ones who were playing who had not gone with a romantic partner to the party

The game started and everyone played their turn in pairs until it was Mel and you's turn

-"... So we started running away from this men yelling behind us for stealing some oranges from his tree..."-Mel continued with the story where you had stayed

-"...But I tripped because I had my shoelaces lose..."-you said

-"... And she face planted on the concrete of the sidewalk..."-Mel said

-"... I broke my nose in two and it started bleeding so much..."-You added

-"... I stoped to help her and when I turned to pick her up, turns out... "-she made a pause for you to continue

-"The 'man' that was following and yelling at us, wasn't a man..."-you made a dramatic pause

-"... It was a parrot that kept repeating 'don't touch my oranges'!"-Mel finished the story and everyone start laughing you included

-"Come on! That can't be true! How the heck she didn't realized that it was a parrot?" - one of them said thinking about if it was true or not

-"Yeah, besides she has a really pretty nose to be broken in the past" - other said

-"Well, final word?" - Mel asked

-"It's false" - they decided and you both denied since it was true

-"They took me to the hospital and everything, and turns out the orange that we stole, was very bitter to eat, so that wasn't even worth it the broken nose" - You said and they laughed more.

You assigned the punishment to the appropriate people and continued to play. After a few more drinks and other rounds, it was your turn again. Even though Mel was an amazing liar and you had an amazing connection to follow each other's lies, thanks to the practice you had when you lied to your mom, it seemed like she was having a hard time to follow you this time, you didn't understand if it was on purpose or because of the alcohol, but she was making really easy to notice that you two were lying

-"... And then while she was helping babysit the little kid..." - You said

-"...My brother Tony came to visit us..."-she said and everyone frowned

-"They are lying, she said earlier that by that time her brother Tony was in jail" - They quickly said and you frowned too-"now they have to kiss!" - one of them yelled

-"Kiss! KISS! KISS!" - They all start to tell and you laughed grabbing the redhead face

-"What a punishment" - You said sarcastic before connecting your lips with her, her hands immediately took your waist and lifted you up a little drawing you to her lap without breaking the kiss, by the surprise of the movement you let out a small squeak which the redhead took advantage of to claim your mouth with her tongue, easily dominating you. Your hands went to her hair playing with her soft curls and your nails scratched the nape of her neck a little, earning a groan from her. Thank to the alcohol, you had no remorse or thoughts at that moment, you were only thinking about her and her heat next to you. Your hips starting grinding unconsciously against her lap and she bit your lip a little bit harsh. You were running out of air but it didn't matter if you kept kissing her until you passed out. She broke the kiss delicately and rested her forehead on yours, breathing fast and agitated almost as much as you

-"Woooow, what a kiss! Are you sure you are only friends?" - one of them asked and you blushed, you had forgotten they were there. You tried to lift from her lap, but she kept you there giving little massages on your waist the rest of the game.

When it was later and almost everyone was drunk or asleep in some couch, you and Mel came out of the party room to walk on the beach, she was carrying her shoes and yours in her hand, and her free hand was grabbing yours. As the moon began to set and the sun to appear, the effects of the alcohol began to wear out

-"Mel..."-you whispered still walking by her side grabbing her hand, she hummed to let you keep going-"Are you still drunk?..."-you asked

-"No... Just tipsy... You?" - she asked and looked at you

-"Same... You are still grabbing my hand" - You commented

-"Yeah... I like having you close" - she squeezed your hand

-"Mel?" - You asked again and she nodded-"I love you" - You said and she smiled

-"I love you too kiddo, and I missed you... I always have fun with you" - she answered

-"Yeah fun... What do you mean when you tell me you love me? What am I to you?" - You asked-"Because I really really love you..."-you said shy

-"You are so special to me and I really love you too" - she said and you stoped walking

-"Mel... do you really love me like the way that I'm telling you that I love you? Because the two times that you had actually showed me that you had any interest for me, was when you were drunk... And if you tell me that you don't love me in that way, I'll understand, okay? But I need to know what is this"-You asked looking the sand

-"Only when I'm drunk? I've been showing my interest for you from years now. When I kick out some girl that was interest in you because they were not good enough for you? That was because I thought the only right one for you was me. The times that I waited awake so I could call you while you were living on a different time zone? That was because I was craving for at least hearing your voice. The many times I send you letters with my perfume on it, it was so you though of me at least 20% of how much I thought of you... I... I love you, but I could only get the strength to tell you when I was drunk, because I was scared to lose you if you didn't felt the same"-she said with honestly

-"I've loved you for years but I was scared too..."-you laughed a little and she signed at peace, kissing your forehead - "What does this means now?"-You asked again

-"I don't know, but whatever we decide, let's hope your mother doesn't kill us both when she finds out... Let's keep walking on the sand while we figure this out, I don't want today to end" - she said and you nodded without letting her hand go-"Happy pride to us..."-she said and started walking

-"Happy pride Mel..."-you smiled

[sanyu-thewitch05]

Hey!

Don't feel bad, the hurricane had came on us too. It happens to everyone. I had phone turned off due to being unable to charge it without power.

Anyway, we are heading in for the Halloween season and I wonder if I could request this if you're not busy with anything else.

Can you do a smut with a yandere zombie greaser x survivor fem reader?

Got this idea from the renewed video game, Lollipop chainsaw repop if you hadn't played it before.

A/N: Sure!

TW: Smut, infection, biting, brattiness, dubcon(just because of the whole virus thing)

The zombie apocalypse, or rather, the infection apocalypse has been the worst moment of your life. Thousands of zombies wander outside, and you're stuck inside with your three-year supply of food. The local news has gone silent, and all you've heard from the national news is that the military will move in in a couple of days, exterminating the zombies roaming around, and then curing the ones that aren't too far gone. All you have to do is survive tonight, and you'll be free by tomorrow afternoon.

Unfortunately, when you wake up this morning, you feel different. You feel cold and sluggish, and your mouth feels extremely dry. Everything about moving and operating your body feels hard. You force yourself out of bed, and when you look in the mirror, you discover a horrifying sight. You're infected. The black veins have already spread to your face. You're in the last stage of infection before you become the monsters outside.

Tears flow from your eyes and you fall to the ground. You were so close to freedom. So close to moving on. So close to surviving. Now it's all over. You crawl to your supply of medicine and pop an Alieve, antibiotics, Tamiflu, and some multivitamins. You pour some Liquid I.V. packets into a bottle of water, then sipping it. You don't know if it will help, but it might give your body a fighting chance. But just for good measure, you tie your non-dominant to the closet door knob and stare at yourself in the mirror. Hopefully, when you wake up, the military will be there to either put you out of your misery or save you.

~~~~~~~~~~~

"Darling."

You open your eyes and there's a zombie standing in front of you. His skin is pale, eyes still have color, and his hair is slicked back like a greaser from the 50s.

"Darling, you ok? Who did this to you?" He asks, touching your hand.

Your dominant hand swings the knife at him, slicing his cheek real good. His wound heals instantly, and he growls.

"Ha, listen here, toots. I didn't infect you just to only be paid back in blood," He says, tossing the knife to the other side of the room. "Now take a good look at yourself in the mirror. You're not like the others outside partially because of your own efforts, and because you got infected by me."

For the first time, you see yourself in the mirror since taking the pills. Black veins only stopped on your mouth and ears. The rest of your face was ok. You were ok. You are going to be ok. Tears fall down your eyes, and your devoted zombie licks them off of you.

"How? How did you infect me? I don't remember seeing you anywhere," You say, looking at the zombie.

"It took a bit of work, but I managed to figure out the code for your door. All I did was use your toothbrush, then I let you do the rest of the work," The zombie explains, irritating you.

"I would've preferred if you bit me in my sleep," You deadpan, realizing you got infected in such a lame way.

"I think I can arrange that," The zombie says, kissing your lips, then biting your lips. "The name's Brody, by the way."

You feel so close to him, even though you've never seen him your entire life. It feels like your entire being wants to never leave him. You want to-no- you need to follow him your entire life. He's your creator, he made you this way. He's your leader. Feeling all these things made you uncomfortable.

"Aww, don't be so upset. That's just the small amount of virus in your brain. It's telling you to submit to me and never leave the one who infected you. Why do you think there are so many hoards of them outside?" Brody states, carrying you in his arms. "You do want to submit to me, right? I've been keeping away zombies from your door, and protecting you during your excursions. You could at least pay me back."

"Ok, I'll pay you back," You say, letting him place you on the bed. "What do you want?"

"Hmm, how about a couple more smooches, a little fun to satisfy my other appetite, and some of your medical supplies?" Brody suggests, seeing you look at his crotch. "But I suppose we could do two of things at once."

He kisses you, savoring the spit going into his mouth. You start to undress him and vice versa, soon enough you're both left naked. You stare at his cock, amazed at the fact it looks normal. There are no black veins, no signs of infection anywhere.

"What? Never seen a cock this beautiful?" Brody teases, waving it in front of your face.

"You smell so good," You moan, losing yourself for a moment. "Eep! I'm so sorry! That just came out, I didn't mean to say-"

"Don't worry about it. You smell really good too. Look good too," Brody comments, looking at your fit body. "You took good care of yourself during the apocalypse."

You giggle, pulling him towards you. Brody kisses your neck and makes his way down. Just as he licks your pussy, you pull his head up.

"Straight to fucking," You demand, looking at him mischievously.

Brody sits up, making himself a seat for you.

"Wow, someone's personality is really showing through. Well come on and have a seat," Brody says, stroking his cock as you crawl over to him and straddle his lap. "I'm to rock your infected world."

He suddenly moves your hips down, causing his cock to go into your pussy. You look at him struggle to not moan, and start moving your hips up and down.

"Darling, stop it. You're not playing fair," Brody whines, putting both hands on your hips and trying to control your movements.

"So? You didn't play fair when you infected me using a toothbrush," You retort, moving faster. "It would've been more dignified if you bit me."

Brody throws his head back in pleasure, and you enjoy your body torturing him like this. When Brody regains some control of himself, he looks at your neck. You start to move faster, goading him some more. Brody kisses your neck, then gently bites it sending waves of ecstasy through your whole body.

"Ah!" You moan, your back arching backward as he holds onto you. "Wait, no fair!"

"Sorry, toots. I get to be in control now," Brody laughs, gently tapping your cheek and kissing it. "Now, you're not going to move your little hips unless my hands do it, ok?"

"Yes," You moan, letting Brody slow down your pace, and delay your release.

"There we go, nice and slow. Can't have you getting too excited," Brody says, enjoying the sight of your bouncy ass.

"Please go back to the pace I was at. I was so close," You whine, trying to move your hips faster.

"Bad girl!" Brody scolds, slapping your ass. "Now then, since you want to be like that, I'll have to keep you busy. Hands and arms around my neck now. We're doing it my way."

"Yes, Brody," You say, wrapping your arms around his neck.

"Good girl, see how easy that was," Brody coos, kissing your lips. "Now keep them there until you cum, ok?"

Brody starts to move your hips faster and you struggle to keep your arms around him. You start whimpering as your pussy practically starts to milk his cock. Brody starts to lose himself, and his eyes start to lose color. He's biting his bottom lip so hard blood is spilling out.

"Please, please, please, go faster!" You whine, licking his blood from his lips, pushing him over the edge.

He starts to maneuver your hips extremely fast, and you're both lost in pleasure. Your ass tightens up and you tell him you're cumming.

"Brody, I'm about to cum-ah!" You moan, orgasming on his dick.

"Me too, toots," Brody moans, holding you tighter as he shoots his load into you. "Wow, you were great."

"Same to you."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brody stays with you until the military comes, and when they enter the room, you're both injected with a syringe getting rid of all the black veins. You're taken to a facility with the rest of the cured, and the two of you stay together. His bite mark on your neck like a sick hickey.

"So how did you get infected?" You ask, walking with Brody down the hospital hallway.

"In an even more lame and embarrassing way than yours. I got bit by a mosquito that had drunk a zombie's blood," Brody says, his classic black biker jacket around your shoulders.

You laugh and he teasingly slaps your ass.

"Now I know why you chose to infect me with a toothbrush. You had to share the embarrassment with someone," You snicker, making Brody roll his eyes.

"Yeah, I guess. But as far as everyone else knows, you were bitten by me, and I got infected by drinking contaminated water," Brody says, letting you put his head on your shoulder.

"I think I can live with that."

[archangeldyke-all]

Are your Sevika requests still open? 🥺👉🏽👈🏽

I have this idea in my head that I can't get out. I'm not a huge fan of the concept of having kids (not for me!) but I can't help but think of Sevika very slowly changing her attitude and priorities around fighting for the cause because she just found out she's gonna be a dad in the future. Her hesitating around something Silco asks or mentions and her being like "I..I got a kid on the way." Cis or trans Sevika, doesn't matter either way

sevika requests are always open :) and this is the cutest thing i've ever heard.

i don't want kids either, but for sevika?? i'd have so many of her kids that the doctors would have to tell me to stop before my body gives out.

men and minors dni

you and sevika don't want kids. it's not in your plan.

sevika's got a dangerous job. it took years of convincing, years of proving to her that you'd be okay without her, that you want her just as she is now, for her to finally give in and make you hers.

and you're perfectly content.

she works horrible hours and comes home beat up more often than not, but you take the time to patch her up each night, and the two of you spend every free second you have together.

she moved you into her place on your fourth date, and you've been happily living together ever since.

and two years ago, when she shyly shoved a tiny box in your hands and nervously looked away as you opened it, mumbling under her breath a question you could barely make out ('i was wonderin' if you'd like to maybe spend forever with me?') you said yes, with no hesitation.

you guys didn't get married. weddings in zaun are incredibly rare, saved only for the wealthiest, and getting a marriage certificate from piltover for two zaunite women is nearly impossible. but, you had a little ceremony in the last drop (which was really just an excuse to throw a rager) to commemorate your eternal love for one another.

and since then, you've been perfectly happy with your little life.

but, accidents happen.

accidents like sevika swearing she'll pull out, begging to feel you without the condom, then cumming the second she pushes inside of you, whimpering and apologizing and cursing your hot, wet cunt.

accidents like you sleeping through the alarm for your pill.

accidents like sevika forgetting to grab a plan b on the way home, too busy fiddling with the tooth some goon knocked loose in her jaw to remember.

and, usually, these accidents lead to nothing happening. so you and sevika assume it's safe to keep letting them happen.

but then, your period's a week late.

and then two.

and then you take a pregnancy test, and it comes out positive.

and then you take three more, and they're all positive too.

you're paralyzed with shock and fear. you spend the entire day sitting in the bathroom, staring at the positive tests on the counter, crying and laughing, then crying again.

the thing is, you're not opposed to having kids. and now that you know you'll have one in nine months or so, you're fucking elated. but you know sevika doesn't feel the same. and the thought of losing her because of the cells growing inside of you, the thought of having to choose between sevika and the tiny little fucker you're already in love with-- it kills you.

sevika comes home to find you having a panic on the bathroom floor.

"babe, you'll never guess what silco did toda-- what the fuck!?" she exclaims, immediately dropping to her knees and gathering you up in her arms. "baby-- what's wrong? are you hurt?" she asks, grabbing your face in her hands and forcing you to look at her, her eyes flying over your body, checking for injuries. you just cry more, already mourning the loss of her touch that you've grown so used to.

"i-i-i'm sorry." you cry out. sevika blinks at you.

"for what?!" she asks. "baby, you're freaking me out, what's going on?" she asks, panic in her eyes.

you take a shaky breath then reach up to grab one of the tests on the counter behind you, sobbing as you bring it down to hold against your chest.

"i'm sorry, sev, i c-can't-- i don't think i can--"

"what's that?" she asks, gently reaching for your wrist to pull your hand away from your chest.

you gulp and bite your lip as you open your hand, letting her get a good look at the test.

the confusion on her face melts. a stoic look takes its place as she blinks down at the little plus sign on the little plastic test.

you look away from her face, too heartbroken to watch her process the news. tears stream down your face as sevika's hold on your wrist goes shaky, and you prepare yourself for her to pull away.

only, she doesn't.

if you had looked, you'd see the hesitant little smile pulling at the corner of her lips. if you had looked, you'd see the way she gulps like she always does when she's surprised, the tears welling up in her eyes, the way she took a silent gasp as she blinks down at the test in your hands.

you're shocked when she pulls you toward her chest, hugging you tight against her body.

"sev-- don't." you whimper. she blinks down at you.

"what-- whaddya mean 'don't'?" she asks. you take a shaky breath.

"if you're gonna leave just leave-- i can't-- you can't be nice to me, it'll kill me." you say.

sevika's heart breaks.

she's never wanted kids. and you're fine with that.

but the second she saw the test, something happened inside of her, something swirling and giddy and nervous. something kinda like how she feels for you, but a little different. a little deeper, a little less hot and a little more familiar.

everything else in her world fades away. the stories she's been dying to tell you all day, the fire in her heart for zaun, the sounds of drunkards stumbling by your apartment, it all goes silent. it's just you and her, and in that moment, sevika realizes that maybe a kid wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. especially not with you.

sevika kisses your forehead, tears welling up in her eyes at the sound of your muffled sobs.

"i'm not leaving you baby, don't be ridiclious." she says. you cry aloud at her words, wrapping your arms around her back and clawing at her shoulders, trying to pull her impossibly closer to you.

"don't say that." you whisper, shakily.

"i'm not just sayin' it. i mean it. we promised each other through thick and thin, right?" she asks. you nod against her.

"but you don't--"

"i don't care." she says. "i'm a fucking idiot, you know that." she says. you let out a shaky laugh. "i'm not leaving." she says again.

in your first trimester, sevika's still a little hesitant-- still a little distant.

she's not sure how to handle all the emotions in her body, all the love and anxiety swirling up at all times. she puts her energy into making you comfortable, holding you when morning sickness takes hold, stocking up on prenatal vitamins and your favorite snacks, pampering you even more than usual.

this, she can handle. she loves taking care of you, she loves babying you, and with all the anxiety in her mind surrounding the baby, caring for you helps her quell it.

she doesn't talk about the baby much. she's still too nervous to talk about it.

but in your second trimester, you start showing. no longer just a little extra fat on your stomach, your baby's actually visible now. your shirts start riding up your abdomen, a little swell peaking out every time you stretch or move, and she can no longer ignore it-- there's a baby in your belly. and it's hers. and it'll be here soon.

you wake up many nights with gas or aches, and find sevika already awake, a furrow in her brow and her lip between her teeth as she gnaws on it. you ask her what she's thinking about, and she just curls around your body and kisses you back to sleep.

sometimes, you wake up to her hand hesitantly rubbing your belly, like she's scared to touch you. you just rest your hand on top of hers, interlacing your fingers and keeping her hand on your stomach while you both fall back asleep.

if she was better with words, if she had the words to express herself, sevika would tell you that she's scared. she hasn't even met the little fucker yet, and she already loves it more than anything else in her life. it terrifies her, for all the same reasons you do. she has a dangerous job, and second in command to a revolution isn't a suitable job title for a new mom.

sevika knows what it's like to grow up without a parent.

sevika knows what it's like to grow up with a jaded parent, too, someone who's closed their heart off to the world to avoid being hurt, and in turn can no longer love. and she doesn't want to do that to your baby. she doesn't want to do that to you either.

and at work, when she gets in scuffles, or gets a knife drawn on her, or gets shot at, it takes her twice as long to catch her breath.

since meeting you, she's always seen your face flash before her eyes when she dodges a fatal hit. and now, it's ten times worse.

sevika was never scared to die before she met you. and then, seemingly overnight, she became horrified of dying-- scared of what her dying would do to you. she can barely stand seeing you suffer from a headache, the thought of leaving you behind, the thought of breaking your heart like that-- it nearly kills her.

and now she's got a kid to think of too.

so, one late night, sevika approaches silco with a grimace on her face and a case of fancy imported cigars in her hands.

he knows something's up. he's known for months. but he lets her stutter out an explanation as she pushes the case across his desk.

"i-- i think you need to find a new number two." she mumbles. he raises an eyebrow at her.

"second thoughts about the cause?" he asks, flipping open the lid of the case and grinning at the quality.

"no, never." she spits out. silco chuckles and holds a hand up, reassuring her that he was only teasing.

"it's your wife?" he asks. sevika blushes at the word 'wife' like she always does, then looks away.

"no. she's tough, she'd be fine without me." she says fondly. "i..." she gulps then takes a deep breath. "we've got a kid on the way, silco." she whispers.

he freezes, his jaw dropping in shock. sevika never calls him silco, no matter how many times he insists she does. she's serious.

"i didn't take you for the mothering type." he says. she chuckles.

"no, neither did i." she says with a shrug. "but... i'm not mad about it." she says. "i'm... actually really excited." she whispers.

silco laughs, then rises from his seat, rounding his desk to shake sevika's hand. it's the closest to a hug the two of them will ever get.

"you'll be an amazing mother." he says sincerely. she has to blink back tears at his words. "come, let's smoke to celebrate." he says, waving her over to his desk.

the two of them spend the night negotiating a new position in silco's crew for her. she'll stay on as his consultant and strategist, and take on more responsibilities at the legally run bar and club downstairs, but he'll be finding somebody else to take on the more dangerous and criminal aspects of her job.

sevika doesn't tell you for a few weeks, until the change is complete.

she stops coming home with bruises and scrapes. she starts being lot more openly lovey dovey, no longer waiting for the dark of night to place a hand on your stomach, praising you at any chance she can get, even buying parenting books and beginning the 'babyproofing' process.

you don't ask her what's up, knowing she'll tell you in time.

and one day, you get home from work to a home cooked meal and candles on the dinner table.

sevika grins at the sight of you. you fawn at the way she walks you to the table, pulling the chair out for you, pressing kisses to your head and shoulders.

"what's going on?" you ask, giggling as she sits beside you. (she never sits across from you, she can't touch you from the opposite end of the table.)

"i'm in love with you." she says. you laugh.

"we've been married for two years sev, you better be." you say. she laughs, and kisses you again.

"i've never been more excited for my future in my entire life." she says quietly against your lips. tears well up in your eyes as you grab her hand. "we're having a baby." she says reverently, like it's the first time she's finally processing it. you don't tease her for it, you just squeeze her hand in yours and kiss up the tears that race down her cheeks.

"we are."

"and it's gonna be here in three months." she says, a beaming smile on her lips. you smile right back and nod.

"it is."

"i... i want to be the best mother i can be for the little fucker." she whispers, staring down at your stomach. "i want to be the best wife i can be for you." she adds on, her eyes flicking back up to you.

you nod at her, still unsure of where she's going with her conversation.

"and i can't do that if i'm dead." she says. you blink and nod and she sighs. "i talked with silco. we got a new arrangement for me at work." she explains. "just paperwork from here on out." she says. "i'm gonna get all lazy and weak sittin' behind a desk but..." she shrugs. "it's worth it for you two." she says.

you abandon dinner to fuck sevika on the dining room table.

(it's not a big deal though, sevika's never been a good cook, and she tried her best, but the food that grows cold on the table was already burnt and unevenly cooked and so over-seasoned it was basically just a pan of garlic powder.)

silco, surprisingly, is incredibly invested in the little fucker. sevika comes home once or twice a week with a new onsie or toy for the baby, gifted to her by your kid's self-appointed god-father.

by your third trimester, sevika's more excited than you are for the baby to come into the world, which is a hard feat, because you're constantly achy and sore and peeing and bloated and uncomfortable and cursing sev for ever putting her hands on you in the first place. she takes all your complaints in stride, endlessly spoiling you, constantly massaging your feet and tits and shoulders, pressing kisses against all your hormonal acne and strange patches of hair, accompanying you to the bathroom the fifty times you have to go a day.

and when your daughter finally arrives, sevika cries like a baby the first time she holds her.

taglist!

@lesbeaniegreenie @fyeahnix @sapphicsgirl @half-of-a-gay @ellabslut @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner @shimtarofstupidity @love-sugarr @chuucanchuucan @222danielaa @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther @gr0ssz0mbi3 @ellsss @sevikaspillowprincess @leomatsuzaki

[inevitable-pretty-words]

Part 1, part 2

Content – intimate whumper, hero x villain, villain with magical powers, fantasy whump, psychological whump, mention of memory alteration, manipulation and blackmailing, forced submission, dub-con kissing and touching, suggestive (although subtle) writing

Hero opened his eyes and began to look around the strangely familiar room, panicked.

He couldn't remember anything. No memory, no event or thought from yesterday, as if someone had made a hole in his brain, left it unattended and let him bleed out. He wasn't exaggerating at all, his head hurt so much that he could only stare into space through watery eyes and dream of losing consciousness, even for a moment.

But sleep wouldn't come and he still remained conscious. Despite this, he strained his mind and tried to realize what had happened, desperately trying to fill the void in his memory and figure out why he was in this place. Without any success. The lack of an answer only increased his panic.

As soon as he tried to move, he quickly realized that he was tied to a chair. The tightly tied ropes irritated his body and he knew that if he started to struggle in desperation and try to free himself, he would only hurt himself unnecessarily.

Someone had gagged his mouth. He couldn't even call for help, although it probably wouldn't be very wise. He would only attract wrong people's attention.

So he sat quietly, trying to think of any way out of the situation, for some reason having a strong feeling of déjà vu.

He wasn't left alone with his thoughts for long.

The door suddenly opened and Hero didn't know whether to feel relief or fear seeing Villain enter the room.

"Poor boy...," he said, coming closer and seeing tears in his eyes. "Do you still have a headache?"

This rhetorical question made him realize something. It was as if everything had clicked into place and the chaotic information had finally made sense. Hero stared resentfully at Villain, wanting to show his displeasure at least in this way.

But he just laughed and ran his fingers through his hair. Hero hated that this small, strangely familiar and meaningless gesture had instantly calmed him down.

"If you're a good boy, I'll take the gag off, okay?"

Hero nodded involuntarily, his thoughts momentarily losing their meaning when he heard what Villain had called him.

Villain unbuckled the strap from behind his head and let the ball gag hang from his hand, then took a handkerchief out of his pocket and wiped the saliva off his lips.

"Please...," Hero started talking. His voice was too whiny, he sounded like a desperate child, but he didn't care about his pride, not when he felt like his skull was about to burst.

Villain quickly interrupted him.

"Wait."

Villain put the gag on a nearby table and took a pack of pills out of his pocket. He spilled out two of them into his hand.

"It's just a painkiller," he reassured him with amusement, seeing Hero's suspicious look. "Open your mouth."

Hero obeyed immediately.

Villain placed two pills on his tongue and held the uncapped bottle of water to his lips.

Hero swallowed the pills. He wasn't religious, but now he prayed for the medicine to work.

"You erased my memory," he said quietly, to distract his thoughts from the pain.

Villain nodded.

"And I guess you won't tell me what happened."

"What would be the point of that, my dear? I don't think I erased yesterday to remind you about it now, hm?"

Something about the way he said it and the petname he had given him reminded him of something. But as soon as he focused his thoughts on it, he only ecountered blankness.

"Why..." Villain interrupted him again, this time placing a hand over his mouth. Hero turned an irritated look on him.

"You know, I wanted to free you. Let you go, but... Supervillain insisted that you be interrogated. So I volunteered."

Interrogated? Hero frowned and involuntarily moved his hands, trying to free them from their bonds, imagining all the plots of the movies he had watched. Situations like that never ended well.

"Oh, don't worry," Villain laughed as if reading his mind and moved his hand to his hair, tugging it lightly. "I wouldn't enjoy hurting you. I thought I could tease you, though. You can’t stop me anyway," he added with a slight smile.

Hero's heart beat faster as he understood the meaning of his words. He jerked his wrists, but the tightly tied ropes only chafed him even more. He was trapped, at Villain's mercy, and something told him that this wasn't the first time Villain had complete control over him. And it probably wouldn't be the first time Hero finally gave in.

"You don't have to do this," Hero said weakly, but he just ran his hand through his hair, gently and tenderly, as if he cared about his well-being. Which of course wasn't true.

"Would you rather I took out the knife?"

Hero moved his head away from his hand, feeling his earlier anxiety only grow.

"No, no, of course not," he assured quickly.

But he did it anyway, and with a quick movement, he put the tip of the knife to his chin, forcing him to look at him. For a second Hero risked a glance into his eyes, but Villain must have been hiding his emotions well, at least at the moment, because he couldn't read anything in them.

A few seconds passed in complete stillness.

Hero felt growing anxiety, wondering if Villain would dare to press the knife harder and hurt him, thus breaking the promise he had just made to him. But Villain only approached him, slowly, teasing him, and then kissed him on the forehead. Hero immediately blushed and Villain put the knife away and stepped away, watching his adorable reactions.

"You like it," Villain noticed, and at that moment Hero wanted to disappear to hide his embarrassment.

"Could you stop?" his voice sounded too quiet and uncertain. He grimaced.

"Okay," Villain said to his surprise and took a step back. "I'll call someone else to take care of you, since you hate me so much. Although then I will not be able to predict in what state Superhero will find you later."

Hero's heart froze, hearing this threat.

"You wouldn't do that."

Villain smiled.

"You're not sure. Your voice is trembling," he noted with amusement and took another step towards the door.

"Villain, please," Hero threw out in panic, feeling that he was running out of air from fear.

Villain slowly turned towards him, surprised.

"Oh? I thought I'd have to wait longer for your plea."

"This isn't funny!"

Villain laughed and slowly approached him like a predator toying with its prey before tearing it to pieces. Hero could only hope that such an end didn't await him.

"No? Well, it seems that we have a different opinion, because I am having a great time."

Hero had the impression that at that moment Villain had let go of the brakes, as if he had previously hidden his true intentions, his desires. Maybe he had flirted with him in the past; or maybe Hero had always misinterpreted his behavior, naively counting on Villain being honest with his feelings. But never before had Villain seemed so dangerous, as if he was desperate. What drove him to act? Was Supervillain watching them, ready to take matters into his own hands? Or was it simply Villain's ambition? Hero had no idea, and this uncertainty terrified him.

The world around him ceased to matter when Villain unexpectedly straddled his lap, distracting his thoughts, and looked into his eyes with superiority. Hero closed them automatically.

"Look at me."

Hero didn't want to. For some reason, he felt fear, some strange anxiety and the feeling of déjà vu returned to him. This time, he knew exactly why.

Villain laughed.

"Tell me, please, why would I erase your memory now? I've already achieved what I wanted."

Hero opened his eyes, reluctantly admitting he was right. Villain was looking at him with amusement. Which was definitely worse than his previous indifference.

"Good boy," Villain said, placing his hand on his cheek.

Hero sighed. His earlier headache had completely disappeared, whoever was listening to him had fulfilled his prayers. However, it was still hard for him to focus his thoughts, as if his medicine had been contaminated with a sweet, dangerous drug.

"Why are you like this?" Hero asked, confused, trying not to be distracted by his tender touch.

"What do you mean?" Villain pretended not to understand.

"Why do you call me that? Why...?"

"Because I can," Villain interrupted him again and moved his hand to his hair, placing the other on his waist.

"That... that's not an answer."

Villain just smiled, noticing the blush quickly forming on Hero's cheeks. He played with his hair, twisting strands around his fingers and tugging them lightly, while he carefully slid his other hand under his shirt.

Hero's eyes widened.

"Villain..." he wanted to say it like a warning, but it sounded more like he was saying his lover's name.

"Something's wrong?"

Hero wanted to nod. To say something and stop this madness, because he knew it wasn't leading to anything good. But he knew that he wouldn't convince Villain with his words, not when he couldn't even move.

A part of him didn't even want Villain to stop touching him. He involuntarily moved his gaze to his lips and couldn't stop feeling that he had once kissed them.

Villain took his silence as permission. He approached him with a dangerous glint in his eyes, placed a light kiss on his neck and gently ran his hand over his stomach, as if he was afraid that any stronger touch could destroy him, ironically rubbing the scars he had inflicted with his fingers.

Hero's heart was beating too fast, and he couldn't hide the great influence Villain had on him. His thoughts, if he had any, disappeared completely, obscured by the growing feelings. It wasn't wise to let down his guard near such a devious person. But as soon as he felt more kisses on his neck, all he could do was press his lips together to keep any sound that shouldn't have echoed in the interrogation room from escaping.

"You're so beautiful," Villain cooed, pulling away from his neck just to see his face.

"This isn't right," Hero managed to whisper, all too aware of Villain's hand still touching his stomach, drawing delicate patterns on his skin.

"No?" Villain laughed and stroked his cheek. "And yet you're blushing. Your heartbeat is racing. You can't tell me you want me to stop."

No, Hero couldn't honestly say anything like that. And yet he had a strong feeling that this wasn't right. Not like this. Definitely not now.

"Villain, please..." he whispered pleadingly, wanting to stop all this before it was too late.

"What are you asking of me?" Villain asked, and Hero remained silent, unable to give him an honest answer.

“I thought so.” Villain, pleased with himself, moved his hand from his hair to his hip, tracing small circles on it with his fingers.

Hero felt his heart speed up and he could barely catch his breath. All his thoughts focused only on Villain, on his shining eyes, on his touch that made him melt, on his closeness.

At the same time, there was nothing electrifying or unfamiliar about it. Just the touch that Villain had given him earlier, whom he knew so well, had changed its nature and brought him pleasure instead of pain. He felt as if they were both striving for this moment, as if the previous fights seasoned with flirtation were culminating right now. Before, he had resembled energy that couldn't find an outlet, circulating restlessly, never satisfied. Now everything made sense and he could breathe and allow himself a moment of unwisdom.

Villain's hand moved between his legs and he sighed, wishing only for his desire to consume him, to burn away everything that was bad, every flaw of his, creating something completely new. He felt that thanks to Villain he could be reborn.

"Hey, Hero," Villain's tender voice seemed to lull him into a state of bewilderment even more.

Hero looked at him with eyes clouded with pleasure like a faithful worshipper of his god.

"What is Superhero planning?"

That one sentence was like a punch in the gut. Hero blinked, sobered from his charm, the words choked by betrayal refused to come out of his mouth.

I asked a question." Villain didn't stop moving his hands, but his touch burned him, leaving dirty marks on his skin.

" Why?" he choked out, trying to pull away.

Villain stopped immediately. In one movement, he got off him and stood next to him, automatically lighting a cigarette taken from his pocket, thus ending the scene that he had just created.

Hero watched the indifference that was once again on his face, that cold expression which he hated. His former god dismissed him with silence, apparently considering smoking a cigarette more important than wasting time on him.

"I was supposed to interrogate you, wasn't I? I just figured you'd prefer that to pain," Villain gave him a quick look, stubbing out the cigarette with his shoe. "That touch would loosen your tongue like alcohol."

"You planned this from the beginning," Hero realized, looking at him with wide eyes, the bitter taste of being used on his tongue.

"No, I just wanted to take advantage of the situation. It worked, almost, " Villain smiled, stepping closer. "Although... I wonder if if I kissed you, would you answer me."

Hero felt like crying. He could feel the kiss on his lips that never happened, or rather, that he didn't remember. The invisible marks left by his hands on his skin burned him, and yet he, probably driven by masochism, wanted to continue to dwell in the fantasy in which Villain loved him, in which his feelings were sincere.

"N-no...," he mumbled uncertainly, and Villain noticed his hesitation.

"We can find out."

Villain slowly placed his hand on his shoulder and leaned down, searching his eyes for an answer.

"I could give you what you want. Satisfy you. Continue what we started. You would like that, I know you would, even though you secretly hate me," Villain continued to convince him and wiped the tears that had suddenly flowed down his cheeks. "All you have to do is nod and give me answers in return. You can also allow yourself escapism."

Hero did not understand his last words. His wounded heart wanted nothing to do with Villain, yet he sought solace. Even if it came from the one who had ignited his soul only to extinguish it. 

"So? What is your answer?" 

And then, as soon as their eyes met, Hero submitted, allowing Villain to burn him.

@doctorsawyer

[makeyoumine69]

Till Death Do Us Part (Chapter Four)

PAIRING: Patrick Bateman x Innocent!Fem!Reader; [no y/n]

SUMMARY: When you meet Patrick's colleagues in Barcadia, you realize that you're getting more and more entangled in his lifestyle, which you didn't like at all. Escaping your golden cage with someone from your past is the only thing you can think about. The question is, will Bateman allow you to do that?

CONTAINS: Smut, angst, breast fucking, cum eating, swearing, implied murders, blood and violence, fainting, spanking, degradation, cheating, abusive and toxic behavior, unhealthy relationships, NSFW art, Patrick Bateman is a warning himself.

WORDS: 5.8k

A/N: Another chapter for my dear readers, I hope you like it!

LINKS: [MASTERLIST]; [SERIES MASTERLIST]; [AO3].

Inflamed with an unquenchable desire for more, Patrick growled and slowed his thrusts, staring down at you. "Where shall I cum then, Becca? Huh? Your... hair? You want me to mess up your hair?" He teased, tilting his head up slightly. "I'm not putting on a fucking condom. I can't feel anything with one. "

His blatant statement about not using condoms made you nervous, but you managed to hide it. "Are you not going to use condoms...at all?" You asked with a hint of provocation. "I think...I think you told me you didn't want to have kids."

Did he really tell me that or am I hallucinating? 'Why can't I remember anything that happened this morning, and why am I so dizzy and my body feels like dough? Was that pill he gave me a painkiller or...'

Patrick huffed. "Well-no, I never told you... but there's no risk if I don't use a condom for this..." Patrick said through his teeth, averting his eyes as he lied to you. He would do everything in his power to make you believe that what happened this morning was all in your head.

Perplexed, you felt a sudden wave of nausea rise from your stomach, but Patrick continued, pressing your tits tighter against his throbbing cock. You needed him to climax or you might vomit right here and now. "Cum in my mouth...please...I beg you!" You urged him on, covering his hands with yours and opening your mouth wide so that his swollen tip now slid in and out with precious friction.

(Check out NSFW art on AO3!)

Bateman pressed your breasts together against his cock, moaning as he thrust faster. The man was a little surprised by what you wanted, but obliged. Huffing, he grinned and pulled on your hair, feeling himself on the verge of falling over the edge. Then Patrick pushed his tip into your mouth before he cummed hard, his hot seed filling your mouth and going down your throat. A little rough, Bateman yanked your head up so you wouldn't choke. With his eyes closed, he panted heavily and wiped his forehead with his arm.

Bateman's sperm did not taste as sweet as you expected. Because of your naivety and inexperience with sex, you really believed your friends' gossip about how delicious it felt when the man came right in your mouth because it tasted like fucking honey. But in reality, his seed was salty and very dense, making it hard to swallow, but spitting it out was not an option. Panting, you swallowed the last drop of the warm liquid and looked up at Patrick, who was still breathing heavily and enjoying the aftershocks of his orgasm. 

'I can't believe I made him cum...or did he do it himself?' Just the thought of him having a strong orgasm because of you made you feel strangely proud, but you shook off such thoughts before it was too late. "Can I use the bathroom, please?" You asked quietly, lying motionless under him. "I'm afraid we're going to be late."

Patrick blinked a few times before he opened his eyes. He sighed with satisfaction and moved away from you, pulling up his boxers. Relieved, Bateman didn't seem at all tired from the orgasm. He felt calmer and less impulsive now, returning to his friendly facade. The man chuckled. "You don't need to ask permission. This is your home too, you know." He said ominously before moving to the kitchen and quickly grabbing an Evian water from the fridge. He tossed it to you. "Drink this. Don't drink the tap water." Patrick stated, assuming you wanted to go to the bathroom to wash your mouth out. Then he went back to his bedroom and put his suit back on, running his hand over it to smooth out any wrinkles.

After almost 20 minutes, you finally got outside where the black limousine was waiting for you. Since it was late fall, the wind was quite cold, so you decided to put on one of your coats, and although it was not fur or super expensive, it was one of your favorites. Inside the limousine, Bateman took out his Walkman and put the earphones on his head before turning to look out the window as they pulled away. You didn't even try to get his attention. On the contrary, you even enjoyed a few moments of peace, as a new circle of hell awaited you in Barcadia. 'I brushed my teeth twice and I can still feel his taste on my tongue. God, how am I going to forget this?' Your train of thought was interrupted by a sudden tight grip on your knee. As you looked down at his large palm, then in his hazel eyes, you noticed something unusual in the way he was smiling at you, as if enjoying his triumph of getting what he wanted. Slowly, but determinedly, you removed his hand from your knee and adjusted the hem of your dress to give him no room to play. Patrick, in his Prada coat, took your hand firmly, not allowing you to pull away this time, opened the car door to get you out, and led you into the restaurant, where you were immediately seated at a table in a secluded part of the restaurant. 

(Patrick and my version of Becca by amazing @anyarlly!)

"Hello Price, Daisy-" the man greeted, then his eyes went wide. "...McDermott...and Van Patten." Bateman furrowed his brows, then looked at Price, who sat down and pulled out a chair for you. "You didn't tell me McDufus and his friend were coming tonight?" He whispered.

Price shrugged and pulled the lit cigar from between his teeth. "I invited them. They didn't have much to do tonight." He said casually before looking at you. He smiled a wolfish grin. "This must be your... oh, your FIANCE, Bateman." Price chuckled. "I can... tell it wasn't your choice. Definitely a step down from you-know-who." Timothy scoffed, chuckled at Patrick and gave him a high five. 

Soon the waitress came over and set menus for all of them. Even though you didn't hear the whole conversation, the echo of Tim's last words stuck in your head like they were imprinted on your brain. 'Just don't think about it, don't think about it.' Sighing sadly, you picked up the menu so quickly that it almost flew out of your hands, but you managed to hold it still, using it as a shield from prying eyes. You didn't listen to what they were saying, trying to concentrate on the huge list of dishes, but you weren't really hungry—you were still suffering from nausea. Patrick's sneaky touch on your leg under the table was just as sudden as it had been in the limo, but this time you couldn't just push his hand away. 'Damn it!'

Patrick chuckled, not bothering to defend you at all. Smirking, he opened the menu with one hand and looked at the list of meals. His other hand went down and rested on your leg and stayed there. He hummed and drummed on the menu with his fingers. "I think I'll have... peanut butter soup. The Times called it a... playful little dish." He smiled and put the menu down. "Is Paul Owen still handling the Fisher account?"

Craig chewed on a toothpick in his teeth, glanced up at you for a moment before looking back at the menu. He put it down and chuckled. "God, it's always the Fisher account with you, Bateman." He shook his head. "And of course the Jew still has it. Hell, I think he had to suck off some higher-ups to get it." He rolled his eyes. "I heard it's worth 800 million already."

"You're so full of shit, McDermott." Price said, shaking his cigar between his fingers. "It's only worth 400." He huffed and leaned back in his seat, spreading his legs. His eyes were on you for a moment before he looked at Daisy. "Take whatever you want, doll. Just make sure it's not too fattening." He grinned before he looked back at you. "So... where did you go to school? ACLU? Camden?" He took a drag from the cigar and blew a puff of smoke in your direction.

Timothy's question didn't really affect your mood, as you were already too fed up, but the way his girlfriend was staring at you was nothing but annoying. 'I wish I could throw that glass of water right in her smug face!'

Despite the evil thoughts in your head, you managed to keep up your fake facade of amity and politeness because you didn't want to have another scene with Bateman. "I'm a student at New York Medical College," you declared openly and without shame. "And I'm about to finish my internship as a scrub nurse." With that, you smiled at Price, realizing that your answer was not what he was expecting. Probably. As you were about to add another comment, Bateman's palm slid up your hip, almost touching you between your legs, but you stopped him just an inch away. Turning to look at him, you whispered barely audibly. "What the hell are you doing?"

"A nurse? Oh my God, that's so boring," Daisy complained, rolling her eyes. "Do you have a lighter, darling?" The blonde woman smiled at Tim and pulled out a cigarette, then wrapped her plump lips around it in a suggestive gesture. After Tim lit hers and his, Daisy noticed her nose wrinkle at the pungent scent of snuff, which only encouraged the blonde to blow more and more smoke. "I can't believe he's really going to marry that hick." Daisy whispered in Tim's ear before planting a small kiss on his neck.

Frowning, Price leaned back in his seat. "Huh... Well, I went to Stanford." He clicked his tongue. "I have a co-op here and a place in the Hamptons. And a Porsche." He bragged, running a hand through his slicked back hair. His attention was drawn back to his girlfriend, who chuckled softly. He pulled a book of matches from his pocket and struck a match, lighting her cigarette before relighting his cigar. He chuckled and tilted his head back from the kiss. "Well, it's an arranged marriage, darling. The poor bastard has no choice."

Disgusted, Daisy scoffed and took a long drag on her cigarette. "I can't believe such marriages still exist in the 20th century." The blonde continued to look at you and Patrick, and just as she was about to take another swipe, the waiter came to their table, ready to take their orders. "I think I'll have... a plate of Greek salad and fresh orange juice."

Patrick's attention was on McDermott. "Oh, Jesus McDermott—what does his being Jewish have to do with anything?" The man muttered, furrowing his brow. He moved his hand further up your thigh, his hand slipping under your dress. He touched the hem of your panties at your hips, keeping his eyes on McDermott. "A dreidel, not a menorah—you spin a dreidel." He rolled his eyes and looked back at you. He smiled, feigning ignorance. "I'm not doing anything, sweetheart."

Your fists clenched and unclenched under the table because the whole situation was so damn embarrassing and irritating. "Don't call me 'sweetheart,'" you hissed gritted clenched teeth before finally pulling Bateman's palm away from your leg. The waiter waited patiently for your order, but unfortunately you were about to disappoint him as you were not hungry at all. "Just... just a cup of coffee, please." You mumbled, dropping your eyes to the table and examining the beautiful napkin on it.

Patrick frowned at you for the tenth time during dinner, frustrated by your reluctance. The man sighed and looked back at the menu. "I'll have the peanut butter soup and an Evian." Then he pointed at you. "Along with the coffee, she'll have the pine nut salad with goat cheese." He said with a smile. Patrick didn't care if you ate it or not—he thought you could stand to lose a few pounds anyway, but it looked bad to go to a restaurant like this and not order any food.

"Well, that's what rich families do." Price shrugged and scanned the menu again. "I'll have the... tuna tartare with balsamic dressing. And a glass of red wine." He looked at Bateman with a smug smile. "No alcohol today, Bateman? Don't be such a lightweight." He chuckled. Patrick didn't react.

"I'll have the red snapper pizza with a glass of champagne." McDermott smiled and then looked at Patrick. "I'm surprised you didn't order the fucking potato pancakes, Bateman." He chuckled. 

David scratched his head, breaking his silence for the evening to place his order. "I'll have the... oh God…I think I'll have the... ceviche sandwich with pea dressing. And a cappuccino." He looked up at the waiter and adjusted his horn rimmed glasses. 

The waiter wrote down the orders and left. Soon the table was full of different dishes, and they all looked absolutely delicious, but it didn't help with the nausea at all. The men were still talking business when you noticed a tiny drop of blood on the napkin you held up to your nose, thinking you were about to sneeze. "Excuse me, I'll be right back." With that, you quickly got up from your seat and rushed to the nearest waiter to ask where you could find a bathroom.

Daisy didn't miss the sight of you walking away looking unhealthy, but the blonde just giggled. "She probably can't stand high cuisine, can she?" She chirped and looked at Tim for approval, hoping he would find her comment funny. "Patrick, do you remember my friend Claire? She has very rich parents, maybe you should meet her sometime?"

Patrick stared at his plate without touching it. The way his meal was organized was... just beautiful, he thought. He couldn't bring himself to ruin it, no matter how hungry he was. He looked up and saw you making your way to the bathroom. "Excuse me." He stood up, his eyes fixed on you. He would follow a few feet away so as not to be noticed. He slipped into the women's restroom, staying close to the wall.

Timothy watched Patrick leave, shaking his head. He started to eat, looking silently at Daisy until he swallowed. "I guess he's not interested. Don't blame him. Claire's a total bitch." He sneered.

As soon as you scooted into the ladies' room, you rushed to the sink and opened the cold water, noticing that your nosebleed was increasing. 'Damn, I haven't had a nosebleed in centuries. Maybe the pill Patrick gave me caused all this?' In panic, you hovered over the sink, almost choking, feeling the sharp headache and nausea, along with the metallic taste of blood running down your throat. You thanked God that the bathroom was empty and you wouldn't scare anyone with such a scene, but at the same time you suddenly thought that if you died here and now, no one would notice. With these cloudy thoughts, you slipped to the floor and lost consciousness.

Patrick came in just as you fainted. Annoyed, he looked down at your body with a puzzled expression on his face. Did he accidentally cause an overdose? Was the coffee poisoned? Did you have a heart attack? Were you murdered? Despite all these possibilities, he knew he had to act quickly if he didn't want you to possibly die. He took his monogrammed handkerchief from his pocket and fixed your head in one place, pinching your nose to stop the flow of blood. He held your mouth open with his hand so you could breathe. Then, with ease, Bateman picked you up in his arms and slipped out the back of the restaurant. He didn't really care about abandoning his friends. They owed him a lot of paid meals anyway. 

Soon you were in his apartment again, lying on the couch with your head against the armrest.

Why is it so cold in here? Have I died? You felt nothing but a cold darkness surrounding you, as if you were falling into the black void but never reaching its bottom. Maybe you really died?  Everything was screaming about it when suddenly in your foggy head there was a loud children's noise, a group of boys chasing you, throwing stones at you and calling you an ugly face until they trapped you in the next alley.

"Look at her, boys, she's going to drown in her own tears!" One of the children laughed and pointed at you with a large wooden stick.

"Please... don't do this... I just want to go home... I didn't do anything wrong!" You begged, cowering in the dirty corner of the nearby building.

The group of bullies just giggled at your weakness when one of them suddenly screamed in pain. All eyes were on the tall, brown-haired boy, his eyebrows furrowed and his palms clenched into fists as he punched one of the boys right in his disgusting face. "Get away from her or I'll kick your asses! All of you!" Patrick barked, pulling up the sleeves of his fancy shirt.

Only now did you realize that you were dreaming, because you could see Patrick's childish face so clearly, as if you were back in time. To the moment when he had been the one to protect you from getting hurt. You wanted to stay in this dream forever, you wanted to touch Patty's soft hair and hug him tightly, but soon the image from your past began to fade and your eyes were wide open as you looked at the perfectly white ceiling above you. "Patty?" You whimpered and looked around, your eyes starting to water as you realized you were alone. "I'm so scared...I need you..." You covered your face and sobbed like a little baby.

Meanwhile, Patrick was in the kitchen, cutting up various fruits on a plate. He knew that you hadn't eaten anything today, which was probably the reason why you fainted. Patrick didn't really know how to cook, so he just cut up some fruit that you could easily eat. He perked up a bit when he heard a familiar nickname, but he couldn't remember the last time he had heard it. The man walked into the living room with the plate and set it down on the table. He stared at you with a blank face as you sobbed, unsure of what to do. "Uh-hey... stop it." Bateman nudged your shoulder with his hand, his eyebrows furrowed.

Bateman's stern voice helped you come to your senses, and now you felt so embarrassed, so humiliated. Visibly shaking, you hugged yourself, your hands rubbing nervously over your shoulders. "What was that medicine you gave me before dinner?" You asked quietly—a sheer testament to your exhaustion and weakness. "I felt bad from the moment we stepped outside," you added, closing your eyes. "I still feel like shit... Did you plan to kill me, Patrick? If you want to get rid of me so badly, you can just talk to your mother and this marriage won't happen." Despite your attempts to stop yourself from crying, several tears streamed down your tired face. You hated yourself for being so vulnerable and weak, so without caring about your poor statement, you tried to stand up.

'Christ,' Patrick thought, biting the inside of his cheek. The man couldn't stand that kind of crying. He really only liked crying when he physically caused it. "I didn't give you any medicine." He said through clenched teeth. "I gave you a Xanax and some Evian water. Evian water. Do you hear me? Xanax and an Evian. I didn't drug you." He ignored all of your words and pushed you back down from your standing position. Irritated, he grabbed your jaw and forced you to look up at him, anger behind his eyes. "Look, I want you to pull yourself together. Stop making a fucking scene." He said slowly. "How many times do I have to tell you the facts? This... marriage is going to happen whether we like it or not? Capiche? Comprende?" Then he whispered. "This, uh, situation is the only thing keeping you alive. If you weren't with me, Manhattan would eat you alive. Especially with the way you act. You really have a rotten attitude. Now stop fucking crying!"

'A rotten attitude, really?' Bateman's statement echoed in your head like a broken record. You brushed his hand away quickly. "Maybe it's you who's been spoiled by wealth and money?" You replied in a hysterical tone. "You gave me such a powerful sedative without telling me? You... you're a fucking monster, you..." your eyes suddenly rolled back into your head and you leaned on Patrick's shoulders for support. "I hate you... for killing the person... who was the light in the darkness for me... my whole life." And with that, you fainted again, going limp in his embrace.

Patrick scowled and clenched his hands at his sides. He thought about grabbing an ax and throwing it right in your face to shut you up. The man stood still. "Uh, are you... you know, mentally disabled?" He asked, almost exploding with anger. "I SPECIFICALLY told you it was a Xanax." Did he? He couldn't remember. "YOU took it. I didn't make you take it. God, I can't deal with this, you STUPID BITCH!" Bateman snapped before you passed out.

A phone call was so out of place, but the female voice on the answering machine immediately caught Patrick's attention. "Hey Patrick, it's Courtney," she paused for a second, choosing her words very carefully. "I heard you were at Barcadia today... Patrick... I really miss you and," another pause hung in the air, but this time it was obvious that Courtney was trying to suppress her sobs. "Luis is away this weekend, I thought... I thought you could come and see me... if you want."

Patrick was shaking with rage now. He stood up and pushed you away from him. Huffing, he stared down at you before he focused on the beeping phone. He walked over and brought it to his ear. "Yes... Courtney... I'll be there. Just, just don't cry when I get there. I've already had to deal with that today." Bateman said and then hung up. He looked back at you with a disdainful expression before he left the apartment and grabbed his briefcase. No sex could really calm him down from the anger he felt. He'd find a bum or a prostitute afterwards. Annoyed as hell, the man locked the apartment door and started walking to Courtney's brownstone, passing beggars and men who looked just like him and women who looked just like Evelyn.

The long day finally came to an end. 

The next time you opened your eyes, you were blinded by the light coming through the large window in Bateman's living room; you even had to cover your face from the brightness. Slowly, you got up from the couch, and after using the bathroom, you cautiously crept into the kitchen, where you found some sliced fruit that was starting to get musty, making you think that Bateman had probably forgotten about it. 'Wait, where is he?' Only now did you realize that you were alone, and that feeling lifted your spirits as you finally had the chance to call your ex-boyfriend Vincent. Although you didn't have a clear answer why the idea of calling him was so inspiring, since you had broken up a long time ago, but maybe... maybe Vincent would inform your family about Bateman's tantrums and you could escape this golden cage. With the grace of a cat, you slipped into Patrick's bedroom and picked up the phone to dial a familiar number of your college crush.

When another beep came from the receiver, you bit your lower lip. "Come on, pick up the phone, Vincent."

Just like in the movies, you heard a male voice right after you said those words. "Hello?"

"Vincent! Vincent, hi, it's Rebecca!" You brought the phone closer to you, holding it as if it were your lifeline. "I'm sorry to call you so early in the morning..."

"That's okay, I was getting ready for my daily shift anyway," the man paused and you could hear his thoughtful humming. "Did something happen?"

Closing your eyes for a second, you wanted to say yes, but then you pushed that thought away, not wanting to cause trouble for a person you once had a relationship with. "No, I just... thought maybe you could pick me up since today is my shift too."

"Sure," Vincent replied and you knew he was smiling. "Tell me the number you're calling from so I can call you back a little later."

After you gave the number, not really caring what Patrick might think about it, you and Vincent said goodbye to each other and hung up the phone. 'I hope that idiot doesn't come back before I leave'. The thought of Vincent accidentally walking into Patrick made your stomach churn. 'Dear God, please don't let this happen,' you prayed and went to the bathroom, still feeling dizzy but desperate to freshen up. At first you thought about taking a shower, but then you changed your mind and decided to take a warm, relaxing bath. It took you several minutes to get the bath ready and get out of your clothes. As you sat in the refreshing water, you let out a sigh of relief. Grinning like the most bratty child, you grabbed the bottle of soap sitting next to you and poured a handful of it. 'Ohhh, I wish Patty could see me now.' That was the first time you really had fun in this apartment. The steam soon filled the bathroom, making you too relaxed and you didn't even notice that you were falling asleep as you leaned against the edge of the tub and closed your eyes for just a second. 'Just a second.' You whispered to yourself before you drifted off.

Patrick entered the apartment at 8 in the morning. He was still wearing his Armani suit from last night, an overcoat, and black leather gloves. In his hand was a blood knife he had just used to stab a homeless woman to death. Blood and body parts were splattered on his gloves, coat, and even his face. He longed for a shower. Or better yet, a bath. A quick one. He had to go to the office today... and he had a lunch reservation with McDermott at Pastel's. And Price was going to take him to the Tunnel again. Patrick first washed the knife in the kitchen sink, watching the blood run down the drain. Frowning, he dried it and set it aside, his nose wrinkling as he noticed a strange odor in the air. He looked over and sighed, grabbed the fruit and threw it in the garbage. Then Bateman walked to the bathroom and took off his gloves and coat, leaving them on the floor. He then removed his Armani jacket, silk tie and cotton shirt. He admired his rock-hard body for a moment in the mirror before looking at the tub. He jumped and took a step back, his eyes wide with fear. He took a step closer and sighed. "Oh, Christ." He moved to the tub and tapped you on the hip with his bloodied shoe. "Get up!" Then he kicked you. "Do you know how pathetic you look?"

Suddenly you woke up with a squeal, startled by the sudden sharp pain in your leg. "Ouch!" You groaned before raising your eyes to see Patrick's tall figure standing next to the tub. "Patrick?" Shocked by the pain, you even forgot to cover yourself, as if Bateman hadn't already seen you naked. When you noticed the blood on your fiancé's face, you swallowed nervously and blinked several times as if to shake off the fear. "Is that blood? What happened? Are you hurt?" your questions were so fast and erratic that you even choked on your breath. "Do you need help?" You could not ask his question because you were a nurse.

Patrick touched the blood on his face and looked down at the red that stained his fingers. "Uh, no." The man said slowly. "It's... cranberry juice, cranapple." Then he stopped, seeing that the blood was too dark and thick. "I mean, chocolate. From a.. Dove bar. Hershey's syrup." He clicked his tongue, then looked back at you. "Now get out of my tub. What are you doing in there anyway?" He asked, then held up his hand. "You know what, I don't even care. Just... just go. Go... study or something. And stop sounding so damn sad."

Frowning, you wanted to say something in protest, but then you decided to just do what he asked, because you didn't want to have another fight. Slowly you got out of the tub and took the towel to wrap around your wet body. The fact that Bateman didn't even care about your nakedness was a bit disappointing, but now you should have concentrated on other things—exams and your work, because yesterday you had missed your preparation and hadn't even told your boss that you wouldn't come. With an annoyed face, you walked to the door, grumbling: "Have a good time, narcissistic king.

Excited, Patrick suddenly stopped you by putting a hand on your shoulder. He had a tight grip on you, the veins in his hands were visible. "A word of advice—if you're going to walk around my house like a slut..." He motioned to your body. "Then don't be a prude when I want to fuck you. Okay?" Before you could respond, he landed a hard slap on your ass before pushing you out, closing and locking the door. He sighed and finished undressing, putting an ice pack on his face as he filled the tub with water. He soaked his body and let his violent impulses slowly drift away for the day.

Even after some time, your ass still burned from the hard spanking Bateman had given you, but you tried to concentrate on your studies. Again and again you read the same sentence because you couldn't concentrate on anything, all you could think about was what had happened to Patrick and was that really a chocolate? As a nurse, you could tell blood from everything else, but why did he lie to you? Maybe he didn't want to make you nervous...although that wasn't really his type of attitude. Another thing that was bothering you was who did he spend the night with? Probably Courtney, since she called him last night, or maybe he called some prostitutes and they had an orgy. 'Fuck, why do I care?' You scoffed when suddenly the phone rang. Seizing the moment while Bateman was still in the bathroom, you dashed across the living room and grabbed the hung up phone. "Vincent? Vincent, is that you?"

"Yeah, it's me," the guy replied, bringing the phone closer. "Do you still want me to pick you up? I'll be leaving in a few minutes." Vincent looked out the window and saw that it was starting to pour outside. Your sudden call an hour ago was like a thunderstorm in the clear sky. It made him so nervous and stirred up some old feelings he thought had gone away long ago, but they hadn't and now he wanted to help you with anything you needed.

At the same moment, Patrick stepped out of the bathtub, grabbed his towel and ran it through his hair. He used his fingers to style it slightly, letting his bangs fall into his face. He wrapped the towel around his hips, leaving most of his body exposed. Enjoying the refreshment, he walked out and was about to go into the bedroom when he heard your voice. Bateman stopped and looked into the room to see you on the phone. 'Vincent? The name wasn't familiar. His brother had a friend named Vincent, but he doubted it was the same person. He strode into the room and took the phone from your hand, gently but forcefully. His unhappy expression suddenly changed to a smile as he put the phone to his ear. "Hi. Pat Bateman. Who do I, uh, have the pleasure of speaking to?"

Vincent almost bit his tongue when he heard Bateman's baritone on the other side of the phone. After a short cough, the man put the phone back to his ear. "I'm Rebecca's lecturer and I'm very concerned about her absence from yesterday's lectures," he lied, trying to keep his composure so that Patrick wouldn't notice. "And she also mentioned that you can be aggressive at times. Is that true?"

"Give it to me!" Suddenly you grabbed the phone and pulled it away from Bateman with all your might. "Give it to me or I'll start screaming and your neighbors will call the police!" You were absolutely cold-blooded and desperate in your attempts to snatch the phone from him. When Patrick tried to push you away as an annoying pest, you were ready to bite him without fear.

Scowling, Patrick let go of the phone when you reached for it and stared at you. He calmly walked to the phone dock and pressed a button, the phone shutting off and going to dial tone. He sighed and ran his hands through his hair before turning back to you. The man grabbed your hand to steady you, his face looking more exhausted than angry. "Listen to me." He said softly, staring at you intensely. "If you continue this behavior, you will ruin my life. If you keep acting like a...victim...like you're trapped here...calling for help and making up rumors about me to your ex-boyfriends, and yes, I know that's not your teacher—I've met her. Hear me out. You…You're going to bring down everything I've spent my life building." He inhaled slowly. "I'm just as trapped as you are... and I know my behavior can be... erratic at times, but I really am trying my best. Do you understand that? Do you hear the words I say to you?"

Breathing heavily, you fixed your still wet hair. "When you say I'm not a victim," you paused and swallowed. "Why can't I have a fucking phone call?" you asked, crossing your arms defensively. "He's not my ex-boyfriend! He's just a guy from my college and we work together..." Bateman's hot breath on your cheek made you stop talking and jerk away. "And I'm not spreading rumors, I just needed to explain why I wasn't there yesterday." The dangerous glow in the man's eyes was so damn scary that even though you had so much more to say, you decided to save it for another time. "I... I should get ready for work." Sitting on his big bed, so small and weak, wearing only a long shirt and nothing underneath, you felt like a caged bird whose owner was teasing it with an open window, proving to the statement that freedom was only an illusion.

P.S. Thank you for reading until the end! I don’t have a taglist. You can follow my side blog @makeyoumineagain and turn on notifications to know when I update!

[ninebluehearts]

I beg you for fluffy fluff (or as fluffy as possible, all things considered) Joel / whomever with Joel being sick (not seriously, but like a guy tends to get a bit helpless when he has a cold!) and his s/o having none of it!

Ahhhh, thank you for the ask anon!!💗 Man-colds are no laughing matter 😤✋

Rated: E

Your eyes slowly fluttered open in the limited light in your bedroom- you sat up, glancing around for anything that could've woken you up before the sun could. You squinted your eyes, trying to focus them on the clock that quietly ticked away on the wall nearest to you. It was only three in the morning; you didn't start your shift for another two hours.

Figuring you just had a nightmare and didn't remember it, you tried to lay down and go back to sleep. As you slowly started to let your body slip into the heavy darkness, a sudden thud right next to you pulled you out of your light sleep. You stared at the wall again, waiting to see if it would happen again.

Not a minute later, another thud sounded next to you, followed by what sounded like a bear's growl. You sat up once again, gently pressing your hand against Joel's shoulder. "What is it baby?" You mumbled, gently running your nails along the skin his t-shirt sleeve didn't cover.

"Don't feel good." He mumbled, followed by another deep groan.

"Awe, my poor baby," You cooed, reaching over to feel his forehead. "You're warm."

Joel leaned into your touch, pressing his forehead against the palm of your hand. "But I'm soo cold." He whined.

To be honest, you were more than a little shocked. The man that was always so stoic and intimidating was now here, cuddling your arm and whining over a little cold. You thought it was the beginning of October, considering all of the leaves started dying and falling once again, and the familiar gentle nip of a chill hung in the air, but no one could know for sure. Allergies would explain where the cold came from though.

"Oh baby, what can I do?" You asked as you ran your fingers through his hair, gently massaging his scalp. Joel slurred out an answer that you couldn't understand, but a yawn followed, and soon he was fast asleep once again. You laid down beside him, one arm draped over his chest as the other continued to gently play with his hair.

-

You don't remember exactly when you fell asleep, but thankfully Joel was still fast asleep when you woke up. You managed to get yourself up and ready for work without waking him up, leaving a glass of water and two antibiotics Joel had been saving on the counter, waiting for him when he got up for work.

You worked from five in the morning to seven that night, waiting in line for an extra thirty minutes for your pay. When you reached the front of the line you noticed your friend Ben was working the counter today. Though Joel didn't like him very much, Ben let you get away with a lot of shit, and that was enough to convince Joel to swallow his pride and play nice.

"Hey Benny, how ya been?" You asked as you stepped in front of him, gently rapping your knuckles on the table.

"Same old, same old." Ben said with a sigh, licking his thumb before picking through the box of cards. "Oh hey, have you seen Joel today? He didn't show up for his shift this morning." He asked as he held out the cards you had earned for today and a small piece of paper that had the details for tomorrow's assignment.

"No, I haven't seen him since this morning." You said as you took the papers from him, worry laced in your tone. "I'll make sure he shows up tomorrow though. Thanks Benny." You didn't register his goodbye as you walked away, your mind swarming with the What-If?'s.

You knew about Tess and Joel's missions outside of the QZ- what if he got bit and didn't know? What if he got tetanus from a rusty fence? What if he took a bad batch of pills? The list of things Joel Miller could've done to accidentally kill himself went on for miles, and it felt like you went over every scenario on your way back home.

As you approached the door to your apartment, your hand wrapped around the doorknob, you froze. What if he was infected? The thought made you sick to your stomach, but you had to consider it..

Fuck, when was the last time he left the QZ? You thought, trying to think back to the last time you had to cover for him when he didn't show up for work. Though you hoped he was actually sick this time.

Infected or not, you had to check on him. If he was infected, then there was a bat he kept by the door you could use.

You gently turned the knob to the right, scanning the room as you slowly pushed the door open. When you didn't see anyone, you fully stepped into the room, looking behind the door just in case. "Joel?" You called out as you slowly walked towards the wall that hid your bed.

A deep growl sounded from behind the wall, stopping you dead in your tracks. Your heart dropped to your stomach, sweat beaded on your forehead. You had never seen an infected person before; only hearing stories about them from Joel and Tess or others from the QZ. But if you had to guess, growling was a sure sign of infection.

You took a quiet step back, grabbing the handle of the bat and holding up and ready. "Honey?" You called out, slowly walking towards the bedroom once again. Though this time there was nothing but silence. Once you were close enough, you whipped around the corner, ready to smack an infected for the first time ever.

What you weren't ready for was Joel lying in bed with two tampons shoved up his nose, cuddling a bottle of cheap QZ moonshine.

You sighed, lowering the bat. "What the fuck Joel? I thought you were infected or something!" You hollered, tossing the bat onto the nearby couch.

Joel groaned, rolling over onto his side. "Why would I be infected?" His voiced sounded hoarse.

"Well, considering that all I knew was that you recently went out of the QZ, you had a fever when I left, and you didn't show up for work today.." You huffed, your hands planted on your hips.

"That run was over a week ago; would've been dead by now." He mumbled, sniffling around the long piece of cotton.

Your hand flew up to cover your mouth, trying your best not to laugh. "Joel Miller, are those my tampons? Really?"

"I couldn't find a rag!" He said with a groan, throwing the blanket over his head.

You rolled your eyes, shaking your head in disbelief. "And you're the Joel everybody's scared of.." You mumbled as you grabbed the edge of the blanket, gently pulling it off of him. "Up." You said, rolling your eyes at the mix of a groan and a whine he let out. "Come on, I'll make you soup. You can't just lay around all day." You held out your hand for him to take, pulling him to his feet when he did.

Joel sighed, leaning against you as some form of hug. "You're late." He mumbled into the crook of your neck, his arms wrapping around your waist.

You rested your chin on his shoulder as you gently rubbed his back, enjoying the closeness after a long day. "I know. I had to help clean up after the after-work rush and there was a long line at the card table today."

Joel nodded, taking a deep breath in and out, his hot, sick breath striking your neck.

You shivered, gently pushing him away. "I love you, but you're so gross. Seriously, let me make you soup and then you can lay back down." You guided Joel into the living room and sat him down on the chair in the corner. After that, you grabbed a pot and a can of chicken noodle soup Joel had found on one of his missions and stashed under the bed for times like this. You used the small, white heater under the window as a makeshift stove to heat up the soup.

Once Joel finished eating, you tucked him back into bed and felt his forehead, his fever had thankfully gone down. "Did you take those antibiotics I left for you?"

Joel nodded, patting the open space next to him on the bed. "Will you sleep with me? I know it's a little early, but I don't wanna be alone."

"If it'll make you feel better faster." You responded with a smirk, lying down next to him.

"It will." Joel pulled the blankets up and over you then slung his arm around your waist, holding you as close as possible. "You always take such good care of me.. I love you, baby." He pressed a gentle kiss to your cheek then buried his face against your neck, his thumb gently rubbing circles on your stomach where your shirt rode up.

"I love you too, honey." You settled into his embraced, your eyes suddenly getting heavy. It had been a long, draining day and you couldn't imagine a better way to end it.

[ficjoelispunk]

Ch 06 - Two rabbits. One shot.

Continuation, you can find it here

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Author's Note: like always, I'm sorry for any grammatical errors, don't give up on me, translating is not easy, but I did my best. Correct me as much as you can. Thanks.

You finally had a decent night's sleep. It was even ridiculous the way your body succumbed after the treatment Javier gave you.

Understanding the Javier Peña effect. He was definitely someone remarkable. The body drawn, muscular, the shoulders outlined, biceps and chest. Large and firm hands. The hair. The face. The smell. The kiss. The sex. You would have sexual memories for a long time, which gave you goosebumps and excited you only with the memory, the tone of voice speaking in your ear, the feeling of Javier's cock filling you like no one had ever filled, the sounds he made as he sank into you.

Jesus. The effect he caused was immoral. You understood your victims. The supplications and the search for an extra moment with him.

Now you didn't know how to proceed. How should you act? Pretend that nothing happened, like before? Let it be something that you deal with only between the four walls of the file room? Was it casual? Starting from Javier Peña's history, it was possible that he would never look at you again.

Unfortunately you work with him in the same sector, in the same room, and he needs you. What made you think about how desperate he should be.

But on the other hand, you also remembered the things he told you while you were overwhelmed by desire and horniness. Including the fact that he wanted you from the first day he saw you, according to his words. But that doesn't mean it's romantically, it could just be another achievement. Which you made it difficult for him for 3 long years.

You needed to go to the pharmacy before starting your day, buy a morning-after pill.

You didn't know how to get around in Medellin, but you knew the basics. Market, pharmacy, and the restaurants you liked. It was the essential.

So you parked a few meters before the usual pharmacy you used to go to. You got out of the car, walked to cross the street, when a black car threw itself in front of you out of nowhere.

You stopped, taking a few steps back, watching without understanding. Two armed men got out of the vehicle coming towards you, you began to have a bad feeling and tried to run but they reached you and held you.

"No, no," you said, "let me go, let me go, get way from me" you started screaming.

But you were in Medellin, and of course no one stopped to help you.

The two men lift you off the ground with ease. You were struggling in the air.

"Cálmate” one of them said.

While they put a bag over his head.

"Tranquilo, tranquilo" another repeated.

You were taken by fear when you were already sitting in the back seat of the vehicle in the middle of these two men.

Your Spanish was terrible, and they spoke Castelhano too, so you didn't understand almost anything.

You were desperate. Why were they taking you? Did they want information? You were just the assistant, it didn't make any sense... Tears flowed over his muffled face under the bag.

You were lost, taken by the feeling that from that point on, surviving was your only choice.

***

It was almost 9 a.m. and Javier hadn't seen you yet. What was bizarre, since at 6:30 a.m. you were already hammering your fingers into the typewriters.

Strangely, he was anxious to meet you. And to know how you would behave after last night. But without seeing you there, the nerves of his face began to pull.

Javier is sure that you have never been late for anything in your life.

"Are you at least listening to what I'm talking about?" Murphy questioned Javier realizing that he was out of focus.

"Yes," Javier replied without looking at him.

"What's going on?" Murphy asks his colleague, sitting at his desk in front of Javier.

He doesn't answer at first. Still staring at your table.

Murphy follows Javier's gaze, and understands.

"Maybe she went to some meeting, or went to Bogotá at the last minute. Why are you worried about the person who gives you the most headache?"

Peña looks at his partner. And he gets up walking to your table.

Murphy is going after it.

Incredibly organized. Completely different from his. He gropes some papers on the table, looking for something that even he doesn't know what it is, opens one of the drawers next door, finds your agenda. It's until today's date.

"Are you crazy?" Murphy is next to him now, "Moving her things, without authorization, this should be at least confidential. If she finds out she will make your life hell for a week"

Peña squeezes her lips in a thin line frowning her eyebrow. Still analyzing your schedule notes. He passes one of his hands over his whiskers.

He knows something isn't right. You were with him last night. You wouldn't have time to go to Bogotá. There wouldn't even be a flight. So soon. There was nothing written down in your agenda that indicated the reason for the disappearance.

Where were you?

Javier left your calendar in the drawer, and reached for his phone, calling the Embassy.

"Agent Peña, I need some information"

"What are you doing?" Murphy whispered in shock.

Peña ignored him.

"I need to know if the Ambassador's assistant has any activity scheduled for today at the embassy"

Murphy threw his hands on his face. Shaking his head.

"Okay. Thank you." He put the phone on the hook.

The eyes are now terrified.

"Something happened," Javier murmured, but to himself than to his partner, he ran down to his table, and took the jacket.

Murphy reaches his partner halfway, holding his arm.

"Where are you going? You went crazy, the girl must be somewhere"

Peña looks firmly at where Murphy's hands have found his arm and pulls for himself.

"I'll be back soon" Peña left.

He went to your dorm, and you weren't there. He was confused, he didn't know if you hadn't come back since the early hours of yesterday, or if you were extremely organized. Because your bed was made, and the objects on your bedside table were impeccably distributed at equal distances.

Javier chose the second option. You were extremely methodical.

He went to the parking lot, your car was not there.

Javier walked to the guardhouse, and asked the guard.

"Did you see a Chevrolet 78 coming out of the base?"

"Yes, she left at 7 a.m. and hasn't come back since then"

Peña put his hands on his waist. Fuck. Where had you gone? Why hadn't you come back yet?

"Did she say where she was going?"

"No, sir."

Fuck!

Javier knew. He felt you weren't safe. Just imagining the things that the sicarians or cartels are capable of doing, his hands closed in a fist so strong that he tasted the meat.

He went straight to Colonel Garrillo's office. He explained the situation.

"If you checked her schedule, she may have taken the morning off," Carrillo suggested.

Peña shook his head.

"No, she never takes time off"

Carrillo laughs, shaking his head.

Javier stiffens.

"Peña, Peña, Peña... you never change, is she an informant?"

Javier uncrosses his leg, and leans in the direction of the Colonel, he would not let his fame slip on you because of him. He wouldn't let them doubt your nature and character.

"She's a good woman. She has been living for this job since she got here. She wouldn't leave without coming back in time for work. I know her. I have a bad feeling."

Carrillo raises his eyebrows.

"Let's wait until after lunch, if she doesn't come back, we'll send searches around the city, okay?"

Javier flaps his fingers on the table at the same moment he nods to the colonel, getting up and leaving the room.

Javier runs his fingers under his jaw. While you're sitting smoking a cigarette on your desk.

Wait.

That's what he needed to do. But every time he looked at your table without you, his stomach tied a knot. Waiting was wasting time.

The phone rang, and he didn't even wait to finish the first call.

"Peña" he introduced himself.

"Agent Peña, this is Don Berna"

Peña's breathing stopped. Don Berna was an accomplice of Judy Moncado, one of the small gangs that were part of the Medellin Cartel.

"I have a proposal that may interest you"

"What a surprise" Peña would not leave the opportunity to be petulant.

Don Berna gave an address of a cafeteria for them to meet.

Peña wasn't late.

The cafeteria was simple, there were few people inside. The background music playing, typical Colombian.

Javier saw Don Berna, he had never seen him in person, only by photos, but it was not difficult to identify.

"¿Que passa, Peña? Waiting for someone else?"

"¿No y tu?" Javier was standing next to the table, with his hands on his waist.

"No. It's not necessary, I have friends everywhere" Don Berna stirred the sugar in his cup of coffee.

Javier tried not to sketch the irony on his face. This was a boring conversation just to intrinsically indicate that he might not be with someone there, but that if something happened to him there, they would know that it had been Javier and this would have consequences.

"Pero, siéntate, sit down so you can taste the best coffee in Medellin." Don Berna raises a tone of voice "Ana Luz, make a coffee for my friend."

Javier sits down.

"Do you have anything but coffee to offer me?" Arms crossed in front of the body.

"Look Agent, I'm not just any informant, and I'm not looking for any reward. No."

"So why are we here?" Javier shrugs his shoulders.

Don Berna leans over the table.

"Agent, you and I are like the snake and the cat. If the snake has the opportunity, it will kill the cat. If the cat has a chance, the snake is mary. But sometimes they both see a very big mouse." He hummed the last word. "And sometimes they both want to eat"

Javier was losing his posture. He began to understand where Don Berna was trying to go. He knew this metaphor was about you. He understood that you were with Don Berna, with his henchmen.

"Where is she?"

"Tranquilo"

Javier uncrossed his legs and leaned over the table approaching Don Berna.

"Where. Is. She?"

Don Berna laughed, pleased to know that you meant something to Javier, after all. That would make things easier. And he leaned against the chair.

"She's fine, don't worry"

Javier wanted to punch this mother's narco son in the face, until he said where you were, but he needed to control himself because your life could be at risk.

"What do you want?" Javier asked.

"I need your help, and your help will be beneficial to me and to you too" he paused torturing the Agent "If you help me, I will return your girl, and you will still be able to make a great apprehension."

"What do you need?"

"I need you to invade a laboratory. I'll give you the location, and you just need to invade it."

Peña frowned. He would never question if it would bring you back to him safe and sound. But he needed to explain it to the others.

"How will this help you?"

"The laboratory was mine, but Pablo took it, and if you seize it, he would have been at a loss."

That's all he needed. He didn't even think much. He just did everything he could as soon as possible.

Peña returned to the base at the Academy as fast as he can. And he started suggesting the operation.

"It's here." He pointed to the image taken from the satellite "let's make an inventory later, so we know what was seized"

"How do you know that?" Murphy asked.

"Through an informant" the hoarse tone of voice.

"Let's go," Carrillo encouraged.

And they left. It would be easy for him to come in and rescue you. That's what he had in mind. And when he rescued you, he would explain later if it were the case the connection between the apprehension and you being precisely in this captivity.

Anyway, the men were positioned, about to invade the house, where the laboratory worked.

It was easy to surrender the team that worked there. The only problem was that you weren't there.

Damn. Fuck!

Javier entered all the rooms of the house, in the attic, in the basement, looked outside, everywhere, and you were not there.

He wanted to run out of there, and stay planted in that cafe until he met Don Berna, and made him say where you were.

But he needed to stay there and finish the operation. Javier ran his hands through his hair, sighing with his eyes closed.

"Your informant is a gold mine," Murphy said, while bringing the cigarette.

"Yes, he's good," Peña smiled, observing the apprehensions.

"You don't look happy," Murphy said.

"I am. I am" Javier patted his partner on the back, rose a cigarette, and walked away.

***

Murphy and Peña returned to the base, in an unpleasant atmosphere.

Murphy had gone out for a "walk" with Colonel Carrillo, and one of Pablo Escobar's sicaries, who was arrested in the invasion of the laboratory and we probably already knew where this had gone. Carrillo had a little disturbing methods.

Javier tried to distract himself from the fact that you were not under his eyes, but being held hostage by drug traffickers in God knows where. Praying silently that you were safe. Because he would kill anyone who had touched you.

He was failing you. He knew that just as it had happened to Helena, it could happen to anyone he got involved with. But he did not imagine that the cartel would extrapolate the limit in this way, kidnapping an American government agent.

***

That day passed. You didn't come back. Javier thought that eventually after Don Berna knew that the attack on the laboratory had been successful he would free you. But that didn't happen.

So Javier added the useful to the pleasant. He reported his kidnapping to the embassy.

Carrillo set up a rescue operation for you. Javier told about the possibility of you being with some cartel, in exchange for information.

Carrillo increased the attacks on all of Pablo's bases, killing every sicario who appeared in front. But days went by and they couldn't find you.

Javier didn't sleep. He listened to all the calls from the wiretaps. He answered all the phone calls. He didn't stop working and looking for any clues that led to you.

He couldn't imagine how you were. There was a whole mobilization even in Bogotá so that the searches were more intense. But there was no sign of you.

"We're going to find her," Murphy said when he realized that Javier was lost in thoughts.

Javier just nodded.

It wasn't fair to you. You didn't deserve it. Why didn't they kidnap him? Or anyone else he had been involved with? But you? His heart squeezed with the idea of where you could be. If you was eating. If with your sharp tongue they would respect you and not hit you. If they could stand it, they wouldn't kill you. If you were still alive. If they hadn't done worse, because depending on what might be happening, maybe death would be better.

He closed his eyes shaking his head.

Carrillo was committed to finding you. But he was also committed to taking the opportunity to embezzle Pablo Escobar.

Messina was called to Bogotá for a conversation with Crosby.

"Do the agents have anything to do with it?" Crosby asked.

"Not that I know of" Messina was impassive.

"If Peña and Murphy are right, they are the only ones the asshole trusts," Crosby talked about the colonel.

"I find it difficult for Colonel Carrillo to forget about her. She is pleasant and competent in all areas, and has helped operations a lot, has played a key role"

"It's exactly what he wants, to keep everyone under his wings, with the guarantee that they are friends and partners, so no one will question the means he has been using, but guess what? People are already starting to question how a department can't find a girl from the United States government who has been missing for 7 days"

Messina was silent.

"If Carrillo wants to walk the streets killing every sicario he finds, God bless him. But our agent needs to be back at the base, and I don't want the attacks to be linked to our agents. They can no longer be together in the operations"

***

Edward, the person in charge of Centra Spike, summoned Javier, Murphy and Carrillo to pass on new information.

"Everything was standing still for those days. But there was a phone call three times on the same night, all in the same neighborhood," he finished explaining.

"They don't control themselves," Murphy smiled.

Javier was turned off. He couldn't deal with this situation anymore. There was no concentration with absolutely nothing in the department. Murphy tried to pass on details of the investigations, but he simply dissociated and could not finalize a line of reasoning.

"Are you dating or something?" Murphy questioned.

"I'm not the type to date..."

"You are on the verge of a nervous breakdown without her here under your supervision," Murphy laughed a little.

"Maybe because if we take longer she may be dead..."

"Do you like her"

Javier didn't answer. He needed to find you. Nothing else crossed his mind. Then he dealt with the feelings. If Pablo and you showed up in front of him today, he would choose you a million times.

With their kidnapping, they were forbidden to leave the base. But Javier received a phone call from Gabriela, a woman he met before you had sex that day in the file room. And sometimes later too.

Gabriela called him to go to her house, which she was missing.

"No puedo bebita, estoy trabajando"

But she insisted. And Javier gave in. It wouldn't be a bad idea to get a little distracted.

"Messina also caught your attention for leaving the base?" Murphy questioned.

"Yes"

Javier would pick up his jacket and an envelope on the table in a hurry.

"Where are you going?"

"Get out. From the base"

Murphy rolled his eyes shaking his head.

It was good that Javier gave in to Gabriela's invitation, although he went with other intentions. Gabriela had contact with a girl who would give information about where Pablo would be, and at what time.

The information was right, Centra Spike's eavesdropping pointed to Pablo's conversation over the phone.

Javier just thought about how difficult everything was without you there, and how your work was different. Things that took them hours, you would take minutes. And how he would like you to be there, to participate in this moment. Never before has there been such a hot track that led to Escobar.

In conjunction with this, Peña's extension rang.

It was Don Berna, with the promise that he would give the address if you were.

Things happened very quickly.

Javier ran to Edward passing the address mentioned by Don Berna, so that he would send the plane to fly over and check some clue.

A few hours later, in the midst of the organizations and eavesdropping for Pablo's operation, Edward called Peña to listen to the recording.

"She's fine, live, just... this son of a bitch hasn't been eating for a few days, but she's fine"

"It's her" Javier's chest squeezed.

Javier hit Edward on the back and ran towards Colonel Carrillo's room. They called a meeting.

In the room were Javier, Carrillo, Messina, Murphy and Trujillo.

Javier reviewed Escobar's two recordings and the call that indicated your captivity.

"The points are close we can kill two rabbits in one shot" Javier was anxious.

"We have to leave now," Carrillo said.

"Yes" Javier has already been heading to the door.

"You two are going to stay here," Messina said calmly to Javier and Murphy.

"Are you kidding me?" Javier exclaimed.

"If Crosby finds out, we can be sent home," she explained.

"Crosby doesn't need to know shit," Murphy said indignantly.

Messina got up to talk.

"This is an order"

Javier and Murphy were shocked and paralyzed.

Carrillo looked at them.

"We will be in touch by radio. I'll bring her home." he told Javier.

And he left.

"Jesus!" Javier exclaimed like a sigh. Walking from side to side, running your hands through your hair.

This was the most forceful clue Javier and Steve had from Pablo Escobar. But you Javier thought millions of times, between you and Pablo, he wasn't paying much attention to Pablo. And the mistake started there. He didn't think straight. He didn't analyze it. Javier wanted to act as fast as he could. He just wanted you to come back, alive.

***

What comforted Javier about the operation was that who would be there was Carrillo. Since he couldn't go. That's all.

"We're out in 20 minutes"

Javier listened to Carrillo on the radio. Sitting with his body on the table, so focused on the radio that he didn't notice Murphy walking back and forth behind him. Edward tuning in to the eavesdropping, or the presence of Messina in front of him.

The train left towards the first target. You.

The vehicles made a worm path through the streets of Medellin.

"We are getting closer to the target"

Javier listened. Closing his eyes, with the device stuck to his face.

May she be alive. Please.

Javier wouldn't forgive himself if he couldn't save you.

Carrillo parked, and positioned the men with a view to shooters over other nearby houses and roofs. And also some men who would accompany him for theirs.

"We are in front of the address"

Carrillo wouldn't need to give this information. But he thought of Peña.

They broke down the door, and the shooting started.

You were in a room upstairs, blindfolded, hands and feet tied. Too weak to be able to get up and sit down.

You heard voices, shots and feet running. Something inside you said that this was its end. There were many possibilities. Another cartel invades the place. The sicarios fights with each other. Someone came to pick you up, but honestly, after seven days, you no longer counted on this possibility.

The first three days were acceptable. Nobody hit you. They brought acceptable food, and removed you to go to the bathroom. But on the fourth day some men tried to take advantage of you, drunk and drugged. At that time you were loose without presenting any kind of threat, just blindfolded.

But when the men approached you with dirty intentions, you fought. As if your life depended on it. Because it depended. With nails and teeth. Literally. You ripped a piece of a man's ear. And he scratched his face so deep if another that you were sure he would never be able to look in the mirror without remembering the reason for the scar.

"No" one of them held the arm of the one who pointed the gun at you "No podemos matarla"

Not being able to kill you, it brought you consequences. They couldn't kill you, but they could punish you in other ways. Hitting you. Punches. Kicks. They tied you up. And they wouldn't let you go to the bathroom or eat. You were without a bath, stinky, and peeing for days on yourself. The plate of food always came with a surprise, spit, or insects.

And at that point, you would already rather die than continue in this inhuman situation.

When the door to the room you were in was broken into. You heard steps approaching you, slow.

Colonel Carrillo saw the situation you were in. A girl like you should never have been subjected to this.

"Jesus," he exclaimed.

The radio on, all the time. Peña on the other side, was breathing with difficulty. The chest squeezing.

"Don't touch me," you said, crawling slowly to stay in a corner of the room. But for some reason, the person didn't respect it.

Javier listening to his voice on the radio, managed to relax, he let out the air through his mouth, and supported his head with his hands, still holding the radio close to his forehead.

So you screamed.

"Get out! Don't touch me"

"Shhhh"

"Let go of me, you son of a bitch" you struggled like a fish out of the water using your last energies and strength. "Please"

"It's me, Carrillo, it's okay, I came to get you out of here"

He took off his blindfold, your eyes taking a long time to adapt.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt? Can you walk?"

You had no reaction. You was afraid it would be a hallucination.

Carrillo put his arms under your back to lift you up.

"She's here," he shouted.

Trujillo entered the room. Frowning. Disturbed by your situation.

"How is she?"

You heard Peña's voice on the radio, from Trujillo.

"Alive"

He answered.

Trujillo's answer did not reassure Javier. He knew. He has seen many captivity. And he was afraid of your situation.

Carrillo realized that you couldn't move, and took you in his lap.

You murmured. With body aches.

"It's okay, I got you, it's going to be fast" Passing the other hand behind your knees.

Javi heard his murmurs. Still with my eyes closed imagining the whole scene as if he were there with you.

It was the most tense and agonizing situation that Messina and Murphy had recorded Javier living. They had never seen Agent Peña that way. Murphy was beginning to measure the seriousness of his friend's case. And he thought if it was Connie in place. His stomach turned. He felt guilty for not having helped his partner more attentively, when his cat was killed, Javier went to the last breath with it.

Murphy walked to Javier and squeezed his partner's shoulder in a reassuring gesture.

"Give her a uniform to wear," Carrilho said.

"Yes sir" Trujillo, fixed a shirt on you.

Your clothes are too torn and dirty.

You don't remember if you were able to sleep in this place. And probably not. When Carrillo put you sitting in the car seat, passing your belt through you, your body seemed to have been taken from under a truck that weighed on you.

"You're safe now, let's take you home, did you hear me?"

You nodded.

Finally managing to breathe.

"Let's get someone else now, rest"

Carrillo ran his hand through his hair. He closed the door. And he got into the front seat next to the driver.

"Target 1 recovered"

Peña opened his eyes. Throwing his head back.

Messina furrowed her forehead at him.

"Sorry," she murmured, now knowing how he should and wanted to be there.

"Let's go to San Juan"

You heard Trujillo's voice on the radio.

"Understood. Be careful, guys"

Now it was Murphy who spoke.

"How is the situation?"

"Everything is quiet. Murphy, tonight you pay for the drink"

It was Tujillo's voice.

You hear Carrillo laughing in the front seat. Too tired to be with your eyes open.

"Don't forget the cigars of the sicarios for me and Peña"

Murphy seemed happy.

"Claro, bonita”

Trujillo was interrupted by the deafening noise of a bomb, which exploded in the car in front of his.

You clung to the seat, watching the vehicle go into the air, and the light yellow of the fire exploding in combustion with air.

"It's on fire!"

Javier and Murphy listened on the radio.

Carillo looked back at you, who had your eyes smashed.

A truck positioned itself at the entrance of the street preventing your passage.

"In reverse," he shouted.

But another truck stopped behind you. You were surrounded.

"It's an ambush"

Trujillo shouted on the radio.

And the shots started.

"Carrillo answers. Carrillo! Trujillo! Do you hear?"

You heard Javier's voice on the radio.

The noise of the automatics would make you more deaf than the bomb. This was the biggest shooting you’ve ever seen.

Javier and Murphy listened to the shooting.

"Damn! Talk to me!"

Murphy turned to Messina

"We need reinforcements"

Javier was leaning over the radio with his eyes closed.

"Carrillo?" He called.

The shots hitting the glasses next to you, breaking them on you. The driver's blood splashed on you after the shot hit the head.

You took your hands to your ears, and bent down in the back seat.

There was another explosion of the car's engine behind you.

You heard Carrillo open the vehicle door. You crawled in the back seat, to reach the pistol in the holster of the agent who was killed in the driver's seat.

You held the pistol, with trembling hands, lowered, so shrunk that you would reduce its size twice.

You listened to the shots, and you wanted to scream because you knew that Carrillo outside the car, there was only one end, he would be killed.

There was one last shot, and then you heard the sound of the body falling to the ground.

Peña had his hand squeezing his eyes.

"Fuck!"

He left the radio room. Walking aimlessly through the base. You had died. That's what he thought. Died.

His eyes were blurred. He was desperate. If they had gone, they could have rescued you and returned to the base while Carrillo went after Pablo.

But on the other hand, Javier began to feel guilty, for the ambush he put all of you. It was his contact. It was his information. And now you were dead. Carrillo was dead.

It was his fault.

You heard a truck move. But I didn't have the courage to get up. You couldn't move. Your body trembled all at the same time it was locked. You didn't know what to do.

The noise of footsteps over the cracked windows, approaching the car where you were. You were hyper conscious listening to everything around you. The fire is cracking. The noise of the metal creaking. And now the steps. Your head moved fast, while you looked for the direction of the origin of the sound.

The silhouette of three men invaded the shadows that the fire made burning in front of you, you could know that they were behind you, at the door where you were leaning. You closed your eyes.

"Mire me" you heard.

And you automatically opened his eyes, obeying through the adrenaline and fear that ran through his veins. But you didn't see anything. It wasn't with you.

"Que me mire!" The voice was familiar. "Le pediste a un niño que me diera esto"

Your heart stopped. Would it be possible?

You tried to move as little as possible, to look through the glass of the door window, above you.

You knew who it was. It was him. It was Pablo Escobar. There in front of you. You stopped breathing.

Your eyes roused when you understood what was going to happen.

Pablo triggered the gun. And he aimed at Carrillo's head.

You put a hand in your mouth, so that you would continue to make the greatest absolute silence possible.

"Te estoy devolviendo" Pablo said. And he shot.

The sound made you jump in fright in the car. You closed your eyes.

"Y esto es para mi primo Gustavo."

And you heard 9 more shots in a row.

There was a silence.

Sound of sirens in the background.

You were lowered, shrunk, with your hand in your mouth, your eyes closed, holding the useless pistol.

You don't know how long you stayed there. You heard little by little closer and closer, the noise of cars approaching. Sirens. People talking and running. But you couldn't move.

Peña ran from car to car, until he got to the last one, seeing dead Carrillo lying on the ground. He walked more slowly. Digesting the image. He knew you were close, you were in the car with Carrillo. And then he saw your head, behind the driver's seat.

He turned around quickly, and hesitated to open the door. Your back fell backwards. He held you.

"Hey hey hey" your body in Javier's arms, he felt your sob, and your whole body tremble, "It's me, I'm here, look at me"

You sank your head into his chest, the smell of the family colony. Only your arms loosened enough from your body to sink your fingers into the flesh of his shoulders.

"I need to see you cariño, look at me" he knelt on the floor. "HELP!" He screamed.

Murphy spotted you both, and ran to call a rescuer.

You used to cry. And you didn't even realize you were crying. It was impossible to control, you couldn't stop. You couldn't open your eyes. You wanted to hide forever. Your knees stuck to your chest.

Javier's hands passed through the side of your cheek.

"Honey, please, I need you to open your eyes," he murmured with his lips leaning against your head.

Javier tried to push you away to check your body, but you were still in the same position you were in the car. Sinking your hands even deeper into his shoulder. He put you on his lap while you were sitting on the floor, and shook you slowly.

Then he reached the gun that was in both hands, which you held firmly in your hand.

"Give to me, babe, I'll take care of it now" you released automatically.

"Are you hurt?" He groed your back, looking at his hands looking for blood. He found it when he squeezed your arm and you whined shrinking more, his hands stained with blood.

He raised your sleeve carefully and saw that it was just a scraping bullet wound.

The rescuer approached you with the stretcher.

Javier shook his head.

"She's not going to lie there," Javier said.

"I need her to lie down so I can examine and check the traumas," the man said.

"Do you have a female rescuer?" Javier looked through the cars while still holding the cupcake you formed on his lap.

The rescuer nodded. Shouting a woman's name.

"Babe, I'll take you to take care of you, okay?" He spoke calmly, the tone of voice hoarse and low. Javier got up, and you squeezed his shoulder even more.

The marks of your nails would be stuck in his flesh, but he didn't care, what mattered was that you were alive. He walked with you to the mobile ambulance.

He sat with you on his lap.

Peña studied you.

You were thinner. Deep eyes. The smaller cheeks. Your right eye was black. Your lips were broken in a cut in the left corner.

They assaulted you.

There were marks on your wrists, probably from where you were tied. Your clothes were torn, and your arms were scratched. Signs that you tried to defend yourself.

They tried to abuse you.

He held your wrist, pulling your hands that closed around his fingers. Javier analyzed, your nails were bloody.

Signs that someone was badly injured. Good. He gave a light kiss on your fingers.

Javier ran his fingers over your hair.

The rescuer approached.

"I need you to open your eyes to me"

You heard it. But you spent so much time blindfolded, and now you were so scared, that it seemed right to continue with your eyes closed.

Peña made a caress by running her fingers over her eyebrows. You wouldn't stop shaking.

He spoke in his favorite tone, his lips rubbing the top of his head.

"Look at me, cariño, please, let's take care of you"

You made an effort. Only and exclusively because you really wanted to see Javier. Look at him. For the most beautiful eyes you've ever seen. Little by little you opened your eyes, trying to adapt to the light.

"That’s it" he kept running his fingers through your eyebrows as if he were trying to calm you down "that's it, you're doing well, babe"

The light bothered you, but you saw his face. You swallowed it dry.

Javier nodded to the rescuer.

You had your face glued to his chest, the perfect fit of your head and the contour of his neck, as if it belonged to that place.

The rescuer passed the light over her eyes to check for trauma. But it's all right.

She lifted the blouse from her arm.

And you didn't look away from Javier's face for a minute. He also looked at you, but sometimes he watched and talked to the rescuer.

She pressed the product to sterilize the place where the bullet scraped you. You shrunk. Pulling the air through your mouth, frowning your face in pain.

"It's okay, it will pass, it's fast, I promise" Javier was attentive to you, always trying to comfort you.

After a long time. You felt your muscles unlocking. And an enormous pain, in your body, his breathing comes out trembling. Little by little, you sat down, Javier finally took you off his lap, and laid you down on the stretcher, where the rescuer made a new evaluation of you.

Javier was lowered at the height of your head, on the stretcher, with his hands on your head. The rescuer put an access on you, for serum. You needed to hydrate yourself.

"Did they touch you?" Javier asked with the saddest eyes you had ever seen him carry.

You shook your head in the negative.

He ran his hand through your hair. Looking at the rescuer, while she finished first aid on you.

"Is she okay? How is she?" He asked the girl.

“She's in shock, some injuries, but nothing serious"

Javier was looking for your eyes, which were glazed lost in nothing, with some persistent tears still running down his face.

"You're fine babe, everything is fine, I'm here with you, everything will be fine..." he spoke as he looked at you, and looked for your soul, which was out of the body.

You could hear Javier, you could feel the weight of his warm and big hand in your arms, the affection he made in your hair, you could smell his cologne, and the noise of the creaking of the leather of his jacket with his movements, but I couldn't feel anything inside you, it was a hollow void, and full of fear.

The noises of the thousands of shots fired by the semi-automatics, still echoing in your head making a big buzz in your ear. The feeling of the hot blood of the driver splashing on you. The sound of the bullet piercing his head. Flashbacks that crossed your mind.

At some point your mouth moved. And Javier moved to get closer to you.

"I heard them..." your voice came out like a murmur, while the rescuer moved your arm.

Your eyes are still glazed in nothing.

"Who did you hear?" Javier sat down now, standing over you, dancing his eyes between your eyes, curious, worried "who did you hear cariño?"

He settled down leaning closer to you, perhaps trying to hear you better, since your voice was nothing more than a murmur.

"I heard Pablo approaching Carrilho..." your eyes watered you felt your nose burn, your chest hurting pulling an erratic breath, your voice faltered, "I heard him trigger the gun, and say that it was for Gustavo" your eyes finally found Javier's, your tears flowed down your face. "It was him"

Javier was silent for a while, swallowed it dry. And finally he held your face. Your purple lip, cracked with the wound.

"Shhhh" he passed his thumb wiping the tears that flowed "It's okay"

"I didn't do anything..." your words came out with the air from your mouth, "I could have saved him, I could have shot Pablo and ended that there" you shook your head frantically, as the tears flowed.

"No, babe, it's okay..." Javier caressed your hair, and pulled your face so that your foreheads were united.

"I didn't do anything, I didn't do fucking..." you were crying, unable to control yourself, pulling your breath desperately.

"Hey! You're safe, babe. That's all that matters, it's okay, breathe for me, okay?" Javier spoke low and low, calmly, he inspired you to imitate his movements.

But you just couldn't get the air into your lungs. Everything was tears, blurry, and pain.

"I don't..." came out between desperate sighs.

Javier looked at the rescuer, and she nodded to Javier, who lifted you a little from the stretcher wrapping you in a tight hug. Caressing the back of your neck, your fingers intertwined between your hair.

"Everything is fine now, I'm here, let's get them, I promise." Javier's hoarse and low voice between your hair.

Gradually his warmth comforted you, and left you damped. His smell, calming you down.

The rescuer showed him on his back, a tranquilizer, and he nodded. Moving away from you enough for the rescuer to reach your arm, to apply it to you.

"No..." you shook your head frantically with your eyes wide.

Javier held your face firmly with his hands on your cheeks.

"It will help, babe, I'll take care of you, trust me" he said looking deep into your eyes, wiping your tears.

Looking at him and the rescuer, you blinked a few times, and ended up giving in, you nodded.

The rescuer applied it to you. And in a few minutes, the buzz in your ear slowly dissipated, your eyes getting heavy.

Javier felt your body giving in. He was laying you back on the stretcher gently.

"It's okay, I'm here" Javier's voice was getting distant.

"Stay with me" you held his arm.

"I'm not going anywhere," he murmured.

Feeling his warm hand wrap your cold fingers, your eyes closed and everything was silent.

Peace.

[moe-moe-kafkyunnn]

W O N D E R

(I'm a very super beginner writer with no plot at brain and just writing to practice writing style, thanks for your time! :) )

Ch.1

I've heard the call of the sea since I was 16"

A silence followed the response. Humid air Pilling the room, birds chirping along with an occasional creak of the wooden floor.

"16 then?"

The pen reached his half gray hair, as if moving it within there could possibly provide him all the answers he was seeking

"Do you have any idea why it was 16 and not any other time ? Did something happen when you were 16?"

I reached out to the cold tea, salty with humidity and thought before answering.

"It has always been the same"

I said thinking back. Realising I didn't want to , Life up till I was 16, I'd rather not think.

I notice the slightest crease on the wrinkled skin, gold spectacles shifting.

"Do you still hear it?"

I shake my head in a manner that could either mean affirmative ore negative, expectedly, earning a sigh from the man Infront. Though that soon turns into a reassuring smile , signaling the end of the conversation.

Exiting the room, I find myself in a familiar place, and I get the feeling of standing almost at the edge of the world. A velvet blue horizon stretching not too far.

I stood by there, walking almost unconsciously. The cool sea breeze ruffling my hair, the faint saltwater scent mingling with the scent of the cigarette I put on. It almost feels unfair, illegal to light something so red so burning at the edge of endless infinity of peaceful unwavering blue.

I look up to the sky, darkened to a bluish black with confetti-like stars glimmering endlessly.

For a moment I nearly remember my time back from when I was a "real girl" Memories of children singing songs, pointed hats, cakes and Confetti's.

The ocean stretched out Infront of me, as vast as my thoughts, and more endlessly secretive, as if it held all the dark mysteries of the world within it's infinite depth.

Standing at the edge of the ocean, ankle deep in the foam, eyes fixed on the horizon, I was looking for something I wish only I could see, wanting to get caught between the here and never reached.

Wanting to get lost. But I couldn't help but wonder why.

"I'm where I wanna be. This is where"

I whisper, my confession falling, being called in by the waves until it's far beneath, piling over the other endless confessions.

Ears palpating with the familiar sounds.

yet distressing and awfully distant,

"aren't I?"

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

What is a real human?

An unforgiving question, Almost idiotic.

Sinking into my thoughts, I see my headphones floating up as I go deeper. Towards the sky that's not over my head, but under my feet. My hair coming off due to the air as I sink on.

I'm brought back with a thud, it's Juliette, with her arms arround my shoulder.

The headphone buzzing with soft shoegaze, as sounds of clattering stationaries, whispers about the past regrets and wishes about the future slowly brings me back.

I'm in the school hallway.

It was just the music.

It's a dumb question.

I'm a real human made by a man and an woman.

Sarrah , Steve and Daniel follows, engulfing me to a lively chatter. As I stand by headphones now sitting over shoulders, holding Juliette's hand.

Someone is talking ,someone is laughing, someone is thinking up witty replies as I stand out of every thing.

Watching it unfold.

My eyes suddenly fall over Terry's glasses, thick frames holding polished lenses. Reflecting .

I remember reading somewhere, glasses gives up to 10% precise reflections.

I stare with wonder, the reflection unfolding, pulling me in

It's me, smiling, talking,

Suddenly abruptly stopping.

It was me, all along, I'm talking.

I see my reflection, a girl talking, laughing.

slowly the reflection pushes me out, going further, Terry, Sarah, Daniel, Steve going further.

Benjamin is coming.

But Benjamin is walking at the same place for so long.

I can't see anymore. But I want to see, I want to know what a 'real' human is,

I have to see-

"Anya! What's wrong?"

Crashing waves, haunting allure, rhythmic, yet distorted. Soothing yet disturbing, confusing.

I feel someone shaking me, Juliette? No, Benjamin?

As suddenly as it left I my mind settles again, bringing back the whispers about weight loss, secret parties and received love letters.

The erratic waves long gone.

I open my eyes to Benjamin's widened chocolate eyes, lashes fluttering.

Daniel and Steve behind.

Shocked faces, was it always so... hard to accept? The fact that I'm no longer comprehensible...is it the cause.

Steve's eyes are widened, yet I can't see my reflection, I have to.

Or else I'll fall apart-

"Are you okay, Anya? You suddenly covered your ears and started going backwards"

Terry's cold voice, travels to my steaming eardrums, Looking into the calm-piercing gaze. Grounding me , I search for a reflection behind the glasses holding clean and precise lenses , just like Terry. But find none.

Only Terry's clear eyes ,firm on his question.

"I'm fine, all the talk about Shelly's nude leaking is just licking me in the wrong way"

I grin, earning shoulders bumps from Juliette and Daniel.

The crashing waves long gone.

It was the music all along.

Because it's absurd.

A real human, is me.

[atlasscrumpit]

So... last of us huh? Yan!dad's Bill and Frank?

(I kinda veered off the path and kinda went more wholesome than yandere) 

You fell into a large dirt hole, groaning when you heard a bone practically snap in half on your leg.

You screamed and fell on your back before you heard the cock of a gun.

You shielded your eyes from the sun and looked up to see an older man pointing a shotgun at you.

You didn't make it all this way just for someone to shoot you. You slowly put your hands up.

"I-I have no weapons, I'm not infected." You said as he narrowed his eyes.

Suddenly another man came into view.

"Bill, she looks like she's just a kid. Lower your damn gun." He said as you stared up at them.

The other man threw a rope down and you groaned.

"I can't move. I broke my leg." You said as the man known as Bill groaned and walked away.

"Bill! Wait!" The other man said rushing after him.

A few minutes they came back with a large ladder and put it into the whole.

The nicer man climbed down and looked you over, making sure you weren't infected or armed.

"I'm Frank, what's your name?" He asked as he knelt down and examined your leg.

"I'm Y/N." You said as he nodded.

"Okay, now this is going to hurt but I need you to just power through it." He said as you nodded and he began to pick you up.

You screamed in pain as he managed to get you on his back and you gripped onto him as tight as you could.

You cried in pain as he climbed up the ladder, finally getting you out and laying you on the ground.

It was only now that you could see how bad your legs was.

The bone sticking out.

You covered you mouth and looked away.

"Oh god." You muttered before falling unconscious onto the ground.

"Just leave her here." Bill grumbled making Frank roll his eyes.

"No, I'm not leaving her out here to suffer." He grumbled, gently picking you up on his arms.

"She needs help and I'm going to help her. Now, open the gate for me." Frank demanded as Bill groaned and opened the gate for him.

Frank carried you through the streets before getting the house and laying you down on the couch.

"I'll have to perform surgery... Well, the equivalent of surgery." He muttered looking down at your leg.

"I'm going to get drunk, or throw up. Or both." Bill grumbled walking away.

--

Hours passed and Frank had kind of pulled it off, the best he could without a hospital...or google.

He carried you to the guest room and tucked you into the bed, looking down at you.

"I always wanted a girl...just like you." He whispered, running his hand through your hair.

"You must've gone through a lot to get here, huh?"

--

You woke up feeling pain run through your body.

You cried out in pain before the door to the bedroom opened softly and you saw Frank carrying a tray of food.

"Y/N, you're awake." He said as you slowly sat in bed.

You stared down at the sheet and slowly felt your leg.

"I was scared you would cut my leg off." You said with a small chuckle before groaning in pain.

He set the tray down and handed you some pills and a glass of water.

You quickly took them and sighed.

"I haven't had pain killers in years... What is this place? How is it so...untouched?" You asked as he sat on the side of the bed.

"Bill built all of this himself, well rebuilt what was left of the town. He was ready to live out his life completely alone and safe when I just happened to stumble upon this and Bill took me in. Ever since then it's just been us two." He said as you nodded a little.

"This place is amazing, it's so...quiet. I've never slept without fearing for my life." You said with a small chuckle, but there was definitely sadness behind your voice.

"I know what you mean. All we do is survive...and then I ended up here and it was like I could take a breath." He said as you smiled and looked down at the tray to see a croissant and some juice.

"Oh my god... I can't remember the last time I saw real food." You muttered as you slowly began to eat.

"I still need to talk to Bill, but I can't let you go back out there." He muttered not looking at you.

"What do you mean?" You asked wiping your mouth of any food.

"You're just a kid... I want you to stay here." He said as you looked at him in shock.

"Really? But, I'll like ruin your supplies and stuff." You replied making him chuckle.

"You won't, don't worry. I have to talk to Bill about it...but I couldn't live with myself if I let you go back out there." He said as you smiled a little.

"No one's ever cared about me like that... But, I don't want to overstay my welcome and I don't think Bill will agree." You said as he smiled reassuringly.

"I'll talk to him, okay?"

--

"She isn't staying here!"

"She has no where else to go! She is staying, Bill!"

You hid behind a wall listening to the couple fight.

"Y/N, I know you're there." Frank said as you slowly came out of your hiding spot.

"Sorry..." You muttered making them sigh.

"I can help out around here! No offence but I'm a lot younger, there's some jobs you guys can't do as well as I could." You said as Bill thought for a moment.

You did have a point.

"Fine, three weeks, you have three weeks to prove you're useful." Bill said a you clapped and smiled.

"Yay! Thank you!" You shouted happily as Frank smiled.

He was looking forward to you adding a little bit of sunshine to their dark lives.

[welcometoteyvat]

@apologems here, some shenhe & baizhu for you [random character pairs asks] thanks for your patience because this is really late and enjoy <3

———

The light fragrance of qingxin emanates from the little brown pills in Shenhe's palm. It will not change how the pills taste, though, so she downs them all at once.

… They're not as bitter as she expected. The taste is like… like regret softened with honey, a tinge of sweetness lingering in her throat. Something indescribable dislodges itself from Shenhe’s chest, escapes in a barely perceptible sigh. When she looks back up, two pairs of eyes—gold, crimson—human, snake—are gazing intently at her.

“Swallowed it without even a sip of water! You must have taken a lot of bitter medicine before.” The snake draped around the doctor’s neck speaks in a sing-song voice, blinking owlishly up at her. Shenhe stares back at it—and although she is not good at reading humans, and snakes even less, she thinks it seems a bit surprised that she hasn’t yet looked away. When it lowers its head a moment later, suddenly timid, Shenhe feels an inexplicable bubble of satisfaction pressing against the bindings of her red ropes.

The corners of Baizhu’s serpent eyes turn down unhappily, and he frowns a little. “Changsheng. Manners.” And then, to her, in a gentler voice, "Here. Take this dried goji and haw; it’ll wash out any of the remaining bitterness.” He takes out a burlap satchel from one of the many little cabinets behind the front desk, and places it carefully in her still outstretched hands.

“Thank you… Mr. Baizhu— Doctor.” She can’t quite remember what the person before her had said before leaving, but… any parting phrase should suffice, right? None of the other adepti chide Master when she leaves their gatherings without any goodbyes, after all.

“No need; this is simply part of my job.” Shenhe must have said the right thing, because Baizhu is smiling graciously, waving away her thanks. Shenhe follows the crescent-moon curve of his pale lips all the way to the premature crow’s feet crinkling at the corners of his eyes, and wonders if the years have been unkind to him. As she studies Baizhu’s amber irises and vertical pupils, her thoughts wander to the tomes of adeptal transformation arts squirreled away in a corner of her master’s abode. She wonders how long it has taken him to reach this form, for it almost rivals her master’s in its beauty.

“Ah—on another note, I don’t recall filling a prescription for you in Bubu Pharmacy before? Is it your first time coming here?” Baizhu peers at her carefully over his oval glasses, eyes like yellow jade and Hulao amber. Shenhe holds his eye contact, and then—slowly, slowly, like the boiling of medicine and the flow of ages past, Baizhu’s gaze becomes something… vaster, something… boundless—and suddenly, Shenhe’s falling, rushing past the sights and sounds of Liyue as experienced by generation after generation of disciples and masters and masters and disciples and the ever-present white snake wound around their necks. And then, just as suddenly she is back in the pharmacy, and Baizhu’s eyes are simply circular drops of molten gold, and he has a concerned expression on his face.

“Shenhe, are you alright? Apologies if my question was too prying; I was merely curious.”

“No. I have never been here.”

“Well, in that case, welcome to Bubu Pharmacy. May your coming days be full of good health.”

———

A/N: these two are an absolutely slept on character pair thanks for opening my eyes. sorry that nothing consequential happens in this fic i wanted to squeeze in something about not listening to fate and baizhu looking up her name for connections to the adepti etc. but that didn't happen and ive been stuck on it for 2 weeks so i threw in the towel and said to myself that i'll put it in a more-inspired sequel. sorry if this is again confusing. if there's only 1 take home message you get from this I hope it's that baizhu is A SICKLY ASS MAN (please take care of yourself)

and ofc, if ooc let me know, i heart feedback etc etc. open call for shenhe and baizhu likers to give me their theses on either character because i need to Understand them and study them under a microscope

crossposted to ao3 too ig

[its-my-whump]

Whumpril 2024 - Day 9

Self-doubt

@whumpril

Tw: some disturbing mental shit, real/unreal suicide attempt, not what it seems, mental issus, hospitalisation

It's disturbing, I'm not sure, what just happened, it wrote itself

'I'm sorry, I'm no fun tonight.' Face sad, head sunken, words clear, but thick with pain.

'Bitch fucked me over. Feels like I handed my heart on a tray. And despite my better judgement, I was trusting this person so deeply, that I simulatiously handed a wooden peg, begging to do anything, but use it against me. My guts told me all along, that there wouldn't,

NO!

couldn't

be a happy ending. There wasn't, cause this person didn't even have the decency to sharpen the plug, but drove it through my heart,

dull and thick as it was, ripping it apart. The healing process seems impossible now.

How could I be so blind? Why haven't I learned my lesson till now? I'm wandering this world for decades by now, but yet I'm still lost.

But this person made me see a path. I knew, we weren't ever going to go it together. Still, I naively hoped for a, if not loving, at least friendly pad on the back, for a goodbye. All I got was a painful hole in my heart and the realisation, that I all did this to myself by trusting, yet I knew, I couldn't, I shouldn't.

I'm just not meant to be happy. I just don't deserve it!!!

Words were swimming before her eyes. Partly from ink desolving from her tears, partly from booze and pills slowly desolving inside her body, entering the bloodstream.

It was a cowardly way to go, but who cares.

Life had no meaning anymore. It even only had for a brief moment, where this person made it sparkle. But it was merely an imagination, a ly to oneself. Life wouldn't hand out presents. Bitch never did!

Hands shaking. It was the stress and emotional pain. Once the pills unfolded the desired effect, it would finally be okay.

Eyelids were getting heavier. The pen was gone, whatever. Arms and legs had stopped shaking, numbness started to spread, slowly. A good feeling. Surrender. Willingly. Embracing it and the spreading darkness. Finally, life had brought her to her knees. Finally bitch won. Let her! She was fighting unfair all the time, she had earned this.

And so had she!

Eyes closed and a peaceful light silence took her into a loving, warm embrace.

×××

He felt heavy, depleted. Eyes prayed open agonisingly slowly. His body was disconnected from himself. There was a constant beep. Brightly light was blinding him, even after he had closed his eyes again.

Trying to move, his arms weight a ton and he could merely lift them a few inches, being stopped.

'Not again!"

Thick leader cuffs bound him to the bed. A beared face was looking down at him. He moaned, as the doctor waved his penlight above every eye.

"Again?" His voice raw and his mouth dry, tongue too heavy.

"Unfortunately, kid." The man's voice sympathic, almost a bit sad.

"How long?" He weakly asked, pressing his eyes close, trying to deal with the pouding headache and the tiredness of his body.

He had an episode again. Remembering it getting harder by the second. Felt like he lived a whole life as a desperate woman being left and wanting, no actually killing herself. His head was spinning.

Every episode was different. But every feeling, he was experiencing was so overly real.

Roaming around in the desolving memories and the heaviness of what his mind just went through, his eyes were just staring ahead.

"Had to sedate you again. You were out for 2 whole days." The doctor stated, trying to lock with his eyes. A desperate huff came through his nose and he pressed his eyes close in desperation again.

"Where have you been this time?" The man in scrubs wrote down some notes on his patient sheet, when he forced himself to open his eyes again looking up from the bed.

"Bad place." He wispered, not willing to give more information right now. The doctor kept silent, watching him patiently over the rim of his glasses.

"What did I do in real life, then?" He asked, his forehead in a fearful wrinkle, his voice even more defented, but he forced himself to look up, his face paled.

"Attacked 3 nurses and went rough in the community area."

He pulled the blanket over his head, as a muted "Fuuuck." came through the fabric.

The shaking, that overtook his body brought back the feeling and memory of 'last night, writing a suicide note' living a life, that wasn't his own. It made him silently plea, he had the chance to end all this for real. He didn't know, who he was, what was real and what was happening around him, when his mind was lost in the void.

The doctor's calm voice pulled him out of his depressing thoughs, when he started to speak again.

"It's only light collateral damage. Not more than a bloody nose and some bruises. Mr. Wilson and Mr. Peters. They are not holding a grudge. Shackles are mandatory, though. Sorry, kid." A momemt of silence followed.

The doctor pulled the blanket down, revealing his patient's eyes. "We have to adjust your medication again. I'm sorry."

My masterlist

[whore-ratio]

when I started hrt, I was so incredibly unsure. every day I was wracked with doubt and anxiety. here was this gaping hole in my chest, which by my measure was only growing, and I expected one little pill every day to fix it somehow. I was doubtful, but when I talked to my trans friend about it, they said the same thing: they weren't sure at first.

they took theirs experimentally at first, just to figure out if it was what they wanted. they told me it was like a fog lifted. I felt very foggy. I decided to try it.

I live in a state where informed consent is the accepted model of treatment. I scheduled an appointment to consult about it, heard out the risks and benefits, and I was sure my doubt had been evident to my doctor. I was also sure it would disqualify me somehow.

she told me to see her again in a month. I booked my next appointment three weeks out.

at that appointment, she simply asked me if I understood the risks, benefits, and overall effects of estrogen. I told her I thought I did. she asked me if I wanted it, and I said the same. I was practically waiting for her to stop me, to tell me I had to be sure.

she wrote me a prescription and I picked it up the same day.

ESTRADIOL 2MG SUBLINGUAL TABLET

I left the pharmacy in disbelief. my pharmacist had usually said the name of my prescription to me when handing it over. she didn't say anything this time.

at home I sat staring at the bottle for a while before opening it. then I finally got out one tablet and placed it under my tongue. looking back, I'm sure I did it wrong. I didn't hold it there as long as I should have, and kept moving it around by accident.

I knew it wouldn't change me overnight, but I still somehow expected it to: to wake up with a different brain, one that could feel everything deeply rather than drifting through each day in a dreamlike state and drifting into dreamless sleep each night. of course this didn't happen. it wouldn't, either.

the next day I felt worse. with each passing day it continued, as my desperation grew for this little tablet to do something, anything to me. I just wanted a *sign*. something to me feel like I wasn't headed for the edge of a cliff anymore.

but I was on 2mg sublingual daily. a weak dose, one that achieves essentially nothing without an antiandrogen. I didn't really know what dosages meant at the time. even so, I was happy to have estrogen in my body.

wait.

*I was happy to have estrogen in my body.*

even without knowing what it was doing, without seeing any of its effects, just by beginning to take them, I had already realized that I wanted to keep going. I wanted to keep putting estrogen in my body, and as soon as I began to understand levels and dosages, I wanted more.

several times I asked my doctor to increase my dose ahead of the recommended schedule, and each time she obliged, remarking that while it could be risky, my mental state was the more important consideration and it was ultimately up to me.

so I kept going up, always just a bit ahead of the curve. soon I was at the maximum safe dose on tablets. soon after, I switched to injections (I'm now on 6mg estradiol valerate per week) and started progesterone. I have never been happier.

there were many stages where I fully expected doctors to refuse to prescribe me, or change my prescription for, estrogen. I expected them to tell me I wasn't ready to make that decision, that I could only know with more therapy, or that I at least had to be able to tell them I wanted it without a hint of doubt in my voice.

but that's only because it's what I kept hearing from everyone else: that it's a decision to take extremely seriously, one with irreversible consequences.

but all it took was one tablet with far too small a dose to be effective, and already I was sure. maybe I always had been.

remember that while nobody chooses which hormone their body produces, they are *always* changing you irreversibly. the question to ask is not "am I really certain I want estrogen?", it's "do I like the idea of this better than staying on testosterone?" and if you still can't answer that but are curious, it's perfectly fine to just try it.

not every place has informed consent, but they should. if they don't, never be afraid to lie to doctors in order to get what you want. remember, the barriers to HRT were not put in place because of genuine medical concern, but because of transphobia. you deserve better, so do whatever you have to to get your hands on it, even just to try it, even if you're not sure. your body probably knows what it wants.

for whoever needs to hear this:

starting HRT doesn't have to be a huge momentous all-or-nothing decision. you can just try it like you would an antidepressant you've been informed of the risks of.

there won't be any immediate irreversible changes overnight. you can always stop, change your dose, change your delivery system, decide it's not the right time. you can even microdose if you want to.

you don't have to tell anyone. you don't have to announce it if you don't want to.

stop waiting for a perfect time in your life because it won't come.

stop waiting to reach a mythical level of certainty that never comes to anyone, for anything.

you've been thinking about it long enough. if you have the opportunity, just give it a shot. you're worth the courage it takes to make a change in your life.

[nightcall99]

Conversations from this week 2.7.24

AC: How are you? KN: [Stares] It's dark in my mind AC: Same. KN: It's like we're in a dark room and the only light to sustain us is one candle. AC: Yeah, just a tea light. It only lasts like 3 hours. KN: I mean we can just light another one. We only need to light another two of them to last the rest of today. Anyway, what happened to you? AC: My mum's been in the psychiatric hospital for 3 weeks. She just got discharged home a few day ago. KN: Oh.

KN: Is your bird okay? AL: The vet injected him with expired medicine!!! I was leaving and he was running after me and apologising KN: How expired? AL: 5 days KN: [stares, remembering the time AL gave out an expired contraceptive pill] AL: [seeming to read my mind] I mean it's an injection, he should have checked the expiry. It's different when it's a box KN: What was the result? AL: He didn't charge me for the antibiotic, said it should still be effective KN: [says nothing, because I overheard her retelling this story to everyone, and making out like she was going to report this vet for malpractice]

TP (my intern): I wish we could exist somewhere where we didn't have to worry about anything. We would never want for anything KN: Yeah, l could be like hey, TP, do you want an apple? And an apple appears in my hand TP: Yes!!! KN: We don't have to eat. We just do it for old time's sake. TP: It would be for fun, not for survival

MN: AH (a long-term customer suffering from cancer) died. KN: Oh. MN: Did you know them? I don't think you knew them that well KN: [makes a pained face] MN: Yeah you probably don't remember them KN: No this is me reacting. Being sad. MN: Oh. *moments later* MN: Man, I really hope I don't get invited to the funeral. I can't be bothered.

SM: How's AL? Me: She's... you know. Same old. SM: Same old? KN: Didn't you work with her on Saturday? SM: [pause] Yeah.

ZK: You know some women who get abused by their husbands, I don't know why they don't just call the police. KN: Well you just get used to bad behaviour, especially if its starts off small and builds. You become accustomed and then it's too late, you're trapped. It might seem more exhausting to do something about it ZK: Yeah but still. KN: Well I witnessed it when I was little. I understand why my mum didn't do anything ZK: Someone I know, it happened to her. She called the police and they took her and her kids to safety and gave her a restraining order. It worked out!!

KN: [After listening to AL monologue about the same old tired shit, but which I agree with] I just want you to know that I can hear you. I'm listening. But I'm not responding because I have no answers to give. Just know that. AL: That's okay. I'll just exist here in the background making comments.

KN: *singing* Con... te.... partiro (translation: With you I shall depart/Let us leave) AM: Omg!!!! Shivers down my spine. I was just on break listening to Italian songs on my phone and getting emotional. And now you're singing an Italian song!!!!! KN: Um what, that's freaky. But seriously though bro, con te partiro. Please. AM: [Says something in Italian and points to MN] KN: Huh? What's that mean AM: We're leaving but he ain't coming with us MN: [smirks]

KN: You know that vacant, void look that those schizophrenic customers get, the ones on anti-psychotic meds? AL and I were watching one lady just walk with her shopping bags in a straight line, very slow, unblinking, no expression. SM: That's how I would know you weren't okay. If you looked like that. KN: I'm pretty sure I'm like that now, or heading that way SM: [makes sounds like he disagrees] It's all in the eyes. SM: [repeats himself] It's all in the eyes KN: [pretends not to hear because I know what he's trying to say. I pick up the ringing phone, I feel his disappointment]

[casspurrjoybell-27]

In a Heartbeat - Chapter 40 - Part 1

*Warning - Adult Content*

Vince

Sleeping on the cot in the office, was like sleeping on a cloud compared to sleeping in the bar.

Damn Chase left me there passed out like the terrible friend he was and now I had to deal with this awful kink in my neck and lower back.

I probably would've slept right through the council meeting too if Xavier hadn't come in and found me, surprisingly in a good mood.

I guess Simon hadn't told him what happened last night.

"You seem happy this morning," I blinked, my eyes adjusting from the light rolling in through the window.

"I managed to make pancakes this morning," he grinned before pointing at his chest.

"By myself."

"A storm is brewing."

He slapped my arm.

"Stop, this is probably one of my proudest moments, you jerk."

I rolled my eyes before heading to my room to wash up before the meeting.

From the corner of my eyes, I noticed the bed was made, only his bags remained in the same spot on the floor near the couch.

I was almost certain he'd go back to living with Aspen and Sarah again, especially after yesterday.

As I washed my face, I couldn't help but look at the bottle of suppressants on the counter.

The pills were large on their own, nearly double what Sarah used to take and to think for years I thought this would be the answer.

Just suppress everything, ignore all that has happened and remembering my conversation with Chase, I wondered what it would be like to just get rid of them entirely.

If I hadn't convinced myself to use this if I wasn't dependent on such useless pills would things have turned out differently?

Would I have been able to tell him everything?

Gripping the bottle tighter, I could feel the plastic give way, as I felt anger flow through me.

Angry at myself.

At these damn pills, the things that had happened.

Even my father and to think Simon had gone this long feeling everything, no pills to cover it up, to make it better.

What was I even thinking?

With the bottle still in my clenched hand, I glanced at my reflection before throwing it angrily into the trash can.

I stared at it for a few seconds before storming out of the bathroom before I could change my mind.

I ran a hand through my hair before walking into the hallway.

A few members brushed past me when I saw Michael near the window across the room on his phone.

He was facing the other way so I stuck around, walking slower, trying to catch who he was talking to.

I could barely make out him saying...

"Don't worry, love. Everything's going swell."

Michael was always fond of pet names but I wasn't entirely sure who he'd be calling.

I slipped into the room and just as the door closed, I could hear him say softly...

"We'll talk more soon, dear. Have patience, our time will come."

His words left a chill down my spine but I brushed it aside, looking for a seat.

Simon and Xavier were already seated, near Michael's seat, Simon completely engrossed in his cell-phone.

I don't think he even knew I walked in but Xavier gestured to the seat next to him, his cheery mood still plastered on his goofy face.

I rolled my eyes and took a seat further away from them, probably for the better, anyways.

As Michael stepped in to start the meeting, my thoughts were everywhere but the meeting.

I couldn't help but glance towards Simon, who seemed engrossed in whatever Michael and the others had to say.

Every now and then his lips would curve upward into a half-smile, probably at whatever jab Michael made towards George and the other old-timers.

I was surprised he didn't look at all fazed by yesterday, only his under eyes looked a bit puffy but it was as if nothing had happened.

'You're staring at him again,' Xavier shot at me.

'Knock it off, you're making me uncomfortable.'

I made sure he saw me roll my eyes before turning to Michael, trying to just focus on what was happening.

"I'm suggesting the introduction of an expedited process for rogues to establish pack member status. There will be obvious protocols that will be in place, as well as extensive screening but it would be wise to help those that cannot protect themselves."

"No," George shot down before jabbing an angry finger towards Michael.

"This is ridiculous, our pack has standards, we will look weak to them if we allow all these strays into our pack."

Michael simply laughed.

"Need I remind you that I was a rogue as well, George and so are a lot of these pack member's mates. If we discriminate against rogues and take away our people's rights to their mates, then that is a far greater weakness than treating them with respect."

George shook his head as a few others shook their head.

"It's a risk this pack and our late Alpha would never allow and you know it."

Michael slammed a hand on the desk, startling most of the members, including George.

"I'll have you know my father is the reason this pack lives in fear from rogue attacks. Instead of properly helping them become stable and independent enough to be pack members, he'd rather mitigate the issue and kick them out once they weren't a liability."

George opened his mouth to refute but Michael beat him to it, standing up to hover over the old man.

"And for the record, my father was the biggest hypocrite of them all. He was the biggest risk to this pack with his lies and deception. He took our mother as his mate when his very mate was actually a rogue, George."

"You dare sully the late Alpha with lies, you scoundrel?" George spat, as everyone else in the room, including me, watched this tennis match of arguments.

"And the kicker?" Michael continued, ignoring him.

"His mate was male, just like mine and Vince's were. My father was the real scoundrel here."

There were a few gasps from the council members, while others found it stifling to even breathe with how tense things had turned between them.

Just leave his dirty laundry out in the air why don't you Michael?

George made a face before muttering under his breath...

"We still don't even know who killed him."

"And what?" Michael demanded.

"What would it do? It won't change the things he's done. He's dead, been dead a decade. It won't bring him back."

George leered, before pointing a menacing finger at Simon.

"How do we know he didn't do it?"

The members all turned to Simon who seemed to be in shock, mouthing 'me'?

I wasn't sure what George's problem was but I was already starting to get annoyed by him.

He was always extreme when it came to his opinions, but this was getting out of hand.

"What are you implying?" Xavier was standing now, his body blocking Simon who seemed to shrink down in his seat.

George crossed his arms before spitting...

"The only evidence we had was his father but what of him? Don't any of you think it's suspicious that after all these years, he gets to come back here and prance around like he owns the place?"

He was just about to go on, when I spoke up, having enough of his shit already...

"That's not..."

Michael slammed the table again before I could finish, silencing everybody.

His eyes flashed gold as he used his Alpha tone...

"Get out."

"You don't seriously think..."

"Get. Out."

Michael seemed to loom over George from where he was standing.

George grumbled before leaving the room and Michael sighed before clearing his throat.

"Now, if none of you have any objections, we'll continue to discuss the details further next meeting..."

Everyone else shook their heads as Michael continued on, while I glanced to see Simon frowning while fiddling with his cell-phone in his hand.

From my angle, I could see Michael extend his arm, placing a hand on Simon's.

He didn't look at him, continued to ramble on about the meeting notes, all while a strange feeling pooled watching how easily Simon gave in to Michael's acts of affection.

It was the complete polar opposite reaction when I was near him and then I wondered if maybe that phone call was with Simon.

There was no doubt Michael had given Simon some kind of pet name but what did he mean about our time will come?

Unless he really did plan on pursuing him romantically but that had to be ridiculous, right?

I was so lost in thought, I hadn't even noticed the meeting ending until the people next to me stood up.

Simon and Xavier had already walked out, Michael sorting documents as everyone else was heading out the door.

I followed suit, grabbing my things hastily before opening the door but before I could close the door, Michael mind-linked me.

'Tick tock.'

I scowled, just hearing the smirk in his tone.

I nearly whirled back to confront him when I heard shouting from the hallway.

There was a crowd gathering, most were council members, a couple of Betas and Thetas had joined in.

As I got closer, I could hear George's shouting, along with Xavier raising his voice...

"What is your problem?"

"Can't you see that he's guilty?"

I pushed past a few people to see George yelling, pointing at Simon like in the meeting.

Clearly, George didn't know when to quit.

"Let's go."

Xavier grabbed Simon's hand, trying to drag him away but George pulled him back, shoving at his chest.

A few members gasped as George got in his face.

"Just admit it. You did it, you knew about the whole murder."

George pushed him again, this time Simon nearly losing his balance.

I pushed past some more people to stop him as he raised a closed fist hovering dangerously above Simon's head.

I had nearly reached him in time when Michael appeared out of nowhere, pulling his hand unnaturally back that had George crying out in pain.

I didn't have to see Michael's face to sense the angry aura he had as he looked down at George whose knees buckled under the sheer pain he was in.

"If you so much as look at him again, I'll not only break your arm, I'll kick you out of this pack and you'll be one of those rogues you hate so much," Michael sneered before releasing George, pushing past the bystanders with Xavier and Simon in tow.

As they reached the stair landing, Michael turned to glance at me.

It was maybe only a few milliseconds before he continued to walk the rest of the stairs down with his arm around Simon but time seemed to slow as the corners of his lip turned and his voice mocked in my head...

'That's how you're supposed to treat your mate. You can't even defend him from that snob.'

[audiofraud]

Thoughts I can't say out loud pt1

Sometimes I miss you so much I can hardly stand it and my head starts to pound as I scroll through videos of us together and I cant help but think what would have happened if you were still there and i wonder if i would have just texted you instead of swallowing a bottle of pills.

sometimes I cry thinking about you and our sleepovers how you were the first girl I ever loved and the only one I can love and how I cant go a day without thinking about you and how i cant stand the thought of you any other way than how I last remember.

I can't stand the thought of you moving on you can't just walk past me and pretend our bodies weren't intertwined when we needed each other the most. I miss you so much I can hardly stand myself and sometimes your all i can think about and the only one i can trust I'm sorry I was so crazy I'm sorry I didn't say what I wanted to while we were both together because we were always together whether we didn't talk or I was with her we were always together even if it wasn't physically we always found each other in the end.

Marley I miss you so much I'm crying tears I try to pull them back into my eyes but I can't stop and I'm trying not to cry while I write this but I just can't do it anymore marley I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you

I can't think my head is pounding and my hands are shaking I'm trying to hold my breath so I can stop doing this I cant keep mourning for someone whos not dead.

Do you remember when you said we were soulmates and we hugged and kissed in my bed and we played around in my fort and you tried on my clothes and I tried on yours and when I would sleep with your shirt just to smell it and when I played with your hair and when I would stare so deeply into your eyes as you spoke. Are you there?