#still love it a lot and as a result this song makes me cozy and nostalgic for looking up amvs on youtube when i was like 10

[baalzebufo]

THE WEIRD AL-CANA - 14. TEMPERANCE- THIS IS THE LIFE

---

one of my fave songs today! I know I probably say that a lot but, well. I have a lot of faves ok. this is the life might have been one of the first songs I ever heard by al- specifically, on an old anime amv. go figure. its at least one of the earliest i remember so its extra-nostalgic for me.

anyways temperance is a card all about moderation so i figured it'd be fun to contrast it with the most hedonistic outlook possible ;p

[Prev Card]

[downtoncoquetteroach]

Notes: Damn I wasn't expecting this to be that long, I'm really sorry for taking all this time to update, this chapter took a lot of me, I was planning something lighter and smutier for it but man, these days have a heavy load of darkness, fortunately the sun rebirth is already upon us so, I hope this words bring some sort of cozy feeling, I wrote it with all my heart as a way to embrace all of the beautiful souls that read this words, you mean the world to me. I hope you have a lovely holiday and merry Christmas to you all 🎄❣️.

TW: swearing, angst, drugs consumption.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5 🎀 dancing at our own pace 🎄

Y/n was reading out loud her notes from potions so Neville could see how messy and intelligible they were. They were alone in the common room laughing and it was really late. There was a beautiful song playing but y/n couldn't figure out who it was. She was sitting with her legs spread over Neville's, about to ask him who was the singer but she realized that Neville's fingers started distractingly caressing her left knee, she went stiff and felt her flesh trembling below his tender and warm touch, goosebumps raising all over her skin, a warm feeling coming over her chest, the simple sight of his hand touching her was providing such pleasure... He suddenly realized what he was doing and stopped apologizing nervously. She slowly incorporated into the couch oddly sure of herself while he was compulsively telling her how sorry he was, she sat on his legs facing him, arms around his neck, legs clutching his. He went silent. She slowly touched his lower lip mildly open while he went stiff. "Neville I don't want you to stop touching me". He was speechless but y/n felt his hardness right below her ass. It was really warm and hard, the pleasure was increasing while she rubbed her ass again and again as he started to moan in her ear, his hot breathing causing goosebumps on her neck, she needed more pressure, some how it wasn't enough, somehow Snape was reading her notes making fun of her while the singer was making pancakes that filled the common room with a delicious smell.

Oh fuck...

Y/n was now fully awake, her eyes facing the sun coming through the window. She was being embraced tightly by Neville's arm around her waist. His body fully pressed to her, she was actually feeling his boner on her ass and she was fully wet as a result. They must have fallen asleep while talking about the party and how her muggle friends were like.

Was she actually rubbing against him before? Or was it just in the dream? She felt so embarrassed she couldn't move. Was he awake? By his deep slow breaths she dared to guess he wasn't, otherwise he would definitely not be pressing his hard member against her bum. She didn't knew what to do, if she moved she was risking to wake him up and face the humiliation of what was happening but if she stayed... The thought of staying and seeing how it could go increased the humidity on her panties. She decided to be quick and stepped out of the bed pushing Neville's arm, almost running to the bathroom and took care of her troubled feelings taking a shower. Her grandma was still humming when she went downstairs for breakfast. Neville was already there, helping. They didn't stared at each other too much that afternoon, y/n couldn't quite figure if it was the morning accident or the prospect of the party but Neville was nervous as fuck, clumsy and stuttering. When it was time to go she approached him

Nev if you don't want to go its ok, we can stay here and watch a movie or something, I'm sorry for putting so much pressure on you with this and not telling you before, I didn't even ask if you wanted to go... I was stupid, I'm sorry.

The first thing Neville saw that morning were y/n's legs despairing behind the door. He realized that the wonderful dream he was having made an effect on his body in the real world. He had an immediate urge to disappear from the face of earth, Y/n must have felt it and she was so disgusted with it that she felt the need to cleaning herself as soon as possible. He felt so guilty and ashamed he couldn't bare to look at her in the eye's. He spent the hole day struggling with the urge to leave, but he was a coward and he actually didn't wanted to go, but he just couldn't found the words to apologize. He was a horrible friend already, having a secret crush with her and now this?, what a fucked up retard he was, always spoiling everything... Ginny had told him to be careful with his feelings, but he was familiar with rejection, he had already lost, as always, since the beginning so...what worried him the most was preserving their friendship, but after the way he was acting he wasn't sure he could remain beside her, he didn't deserve her, not as friend, much less as a lover.

But he looked her in the eyes for the first time that day, she was gorgeous ...and worried about him, she wasn't even saying a thing about "the incident". He felt a weight in his stomach. He had to man up and sucked up all of his self pity thoughts, he couldn't stand to be the motive of her concern. It was in his hands to make her happy, so he changed his attitude and cheerfully exclaimed

Nonsense y/n. Let's go.

******************************

Angie was y/n's childhood friend. They grew apart after y/n got her Hogwarts letter but they still cared for each other a lot and spent a considered amount of time walking and biking around the neighborhood when y/n was home for vacations. Angie was under the impression that y/n attended to a Catholic private school far away as a consequence of y/n's parents divorce.

Angie was tall, bony and very attractive, her attitude and mindset were a little bit too mature for her age, sometimes it was hard to believe that her and y/n were at the same grade at some point, but that day was her birthday and she was excited like a little girl, jumping around and talking so fast and so loud it was highly contagious. When Neville and y/n showed up at her door she started jumping like a bunny, hugging y/n so tight Neville was concerned she might suffocate her.

The decorations in the living room were a combination of birthday balloons and Christmas lights, there were several amounts of teenagers talking in different groups, most of them seemed posh but a few of them looked like regular town kids, it was also very curious to Neville the lack of girls, being so used to be surrounded by them he was a little nervous when the male energy was higher. He tried very hard not to look uncomfortable and wave but there was no time for the crowd to respond because as soon as y/n showed up behind him everyone was really excited and cheerfully greeted her friend. She introduced him to everyone, they were totally curious about him and the school they went together, Neville tried as hard as he could to keep the details of Hogwarts and magic out of his mind and really soon he discovered that it was really easy because most muggles hated school as much as him and unfortunately, everyone had some really nasty stories about abusive teachers just like him and they had parents with great expectations that made them feel overwhelmed, so, for the first time in like forever, he actually felt understood, like he belonged. Everyone was drinking and after a while, Neville offered to bring some refreshments to give y/n and Angie time to talk in private.

So, did he dye his hair or that's not Fred... -Angie went straight to the point, y/n was dreading Angie interrogation but her friend deserved some explaining, after all those years hearing all about her pinning over Fred, she had gained the right to know the details, specially now that she finally had something more juicy to tell than the eternal description of how Fred's hair could shine in the morning. She told her everything that happened between them but she did an special remark on how she started to be friends with Neville, she told her how amazing that Sunday on the greenhouse had been, and described the music, the feelings, the light, the plants, how good was Neville rolling a joint and how he saved her from the awkwardness of encountering with Fred.

Angie was curiously listening to her, clearly having her own thoughts on the matter, she suddenly stopped y/n's discourse on Neville's incredibile music taste.

-Wait, So do you like this guy now?

-No, he's my friend

-Ha!

-What?!

-Are you really playing out that card then?

-If you don't mind I'll love for you to be clear darling.

-Do I really need to tell you?

-What?! - y/n was laughing but starting to lose her patience, sometimes Angie made her feel so dumb and clueless. Y/n didn't had older sisters but she was positive this was the dynamic between them.

-It's better if I show you. -Angie gave her one of her sassy signature looks while chewing her plastic cup and walked away. Y/n was confused but instead of following her she went to the kitchen to find Neville, he was gone for quite awhile and she was worried of leaving him alone for too long around strangers specially when he didn't know that much about muggles although, she was really impressed with how he had handled everyone's interrogation earlier. The party was crowded and the lights were dime, she greeted some friends she hadn't seen and after a little while, she found Neville surrounded by local stoners, smoking and congratulating him on the good stash. He was laughing, blushing and mingling, so comfortable and confident it was hard to believe it was the same boy who suffered so much bullying on school. He was wearing a black shirt, black coat, black trousers and stripped socks on Gryffindor colours, legs and arms crossed, not out of discomfort, but as a power move, for the first time, the boys around him were seeking his approval and not otherwise. Y/n haven't noticed how handsome he looked when they leave the house, must have been the awkward day they had... She remembered the dream, a guilty but delicious sensation invaded her... Fuck, she needed a drink.

In that moment Neville saw her, he already had a beer, he was sensible to alcohol so he wasn't planning on drinking too much, specially because he felt responsible for y/n's safety, but he needed a few drinks to relax and be able to talk to her about that morning... She was lovely on that little black skirt and those elegant black stockings, her black t-shirt was a bit transparent and he was able to see the strap on her bra...he definitely needed to stop looking at her in that way. He approached her, leaving his public behind.

-Excuse me little girl, I can't help but wonder, are you old enough to drink?

Y/n laughed, continued pouring herself a drink.

-Oh I see, you are breaking the law young lady, I have to scort you out of these hole full of decadence and lust - hi's joke was lame but it was working, she was laughing and as a response she drank up the whole cup and started to pour another one, eyes fixed on him, a mischievous smirk on her wet lips.

He gasped dramatically and then went serious

-Are you defying me? - he came closer, towering her in such a way she ended up against the kitchen bar, her eyes lifting up to meet hi's, she was nervous, y/n stoped hearing anything except her heart racing, her hands sweaty and everything she could percibe was just Neville's sent, she could have never imagined Neville acting like that, but it was so thrilling, everyone else in the room disappeared, it was just the two of them, his body so close to hers, his hands on each side of the wall behind her, cornering her, looking at her deeply, getting really close...

But they weren't alone.

-My guest told me about that amazing stash of yours, handsome - Angie was right behind Neville whispering in his ear, leaned on his shoulder, y/n's gutts twisted. The moment was gone. Neville turned, smiling shyly, his whole body language shifting.

-Oh, it's an exaggeration, don't trust them, they are high you know!- Neville was tapping his feet nervously, y/n couldn't stop her eyebrows from furrowing

-Oh, come on, birthday spliff? - Angie was pouting, she was actually pouting! trying to look as cute as she could. That was not new for y/n to witness, she had long experience watching boys fall out for that old cheap trick, but Neville was resisting. He wasn't even look at her, his eyes were glued to the floor.

-You can have this if you want it that much - he handed her a small bag of weed and took y/n by the hand - we were on our way to dance, happy birthday! - he pulled y/n out of the kitchen through the sea of drunk teenagers and into the hall, where a lot of drunk boys have just arrive, screaming and laughing and bumping into things. The party was about to become a mess.

-Nev, I think it's better if-

-Yeah, let's go

They walked back home commenting on the party, Neville was very critical about the music

-Oasis? Can you believe it? Ugh, I'm insulted - y/n couldn't stop laughing, she was a bit tipsy but the thing that got her high was the fact that the boy who was walking with her in the cold darkness had rejected Angie. She couldn't helped, she was mesmerized. But she was also a bit hurt, why would her friend do such thing to her, she must have known she... oh

-FUCK!

-What? Did you forgot something? Are you hurt? What's wrong?

She remained silent, looking at him, he was so stunningly handsome. Her heart twisted again, she couldn't believe it, this was what her friend had tried to show her, that thing she was trying to hide so desperately, the fact that she was actually falling for Neville.

-Nothing, don't worry, Im fine! Really! Damn it's cold isn't it?...uhh let's keep going! Almost there! Are you freezing? Coz I am.

-You sure you are alright?

-Yeah yeah, don't mind me, it's just past bed time.

Neville took and extra glance of her and kept going. Y/n went silent the rest of the walk, lost in her own self conscious thoughts. If she was falling for Neville, what about Fred? How could this possibly be? After all those years pinning for him, when she finally got her must deeply desire in her hands, would she just walk away from him? He was a tosser sometimes, but very good at pleasing her, incredibly talented actually but he was also excellent by getting under her skin. From the moment they got "intimate" they started arguing like never before. It was nonsense and besides, he had been so rude to Neville... Neville? Did she really like him? She turned to look at him, he was walking bedside her, softly humming a tune looking at the trees on the way home, his long nose, his black hair falling on his forehead, the dreamy eyes, the red lips, bunny teeth's slightly showing up and his amazing hands playing with each other as they usually did...she sighed deeply.

***********************************

It was Christmas Eve, Neville was very close to the tree, it was full of multicolor lights and shiny mismatched ornaments and random wrapping paper, handmade small trees, little deer's with red noses, some grandpa's in red velvet pijamas as well as some cute house elf's wearing green hats. None of them moved or dance but they had catchy tunes coming from their plastic belly's. There was definitely a melancholy sort of magic in all of that, it made Neville wonder for the first time in his life how everything could have turn if he wasn't a wizard. If his mom and dad had been muggles and lived as common people in that town, the song coming through the plastic lights in the tree had started to make him weep. Maybe it was because the next day would be the first Christmas away from his mom and dad in the hospital. Y/n approached him.

-Do you wanna lay down?

She was wearing a Beatles t shirt and a black skirt, he spent the whole dinner trying to hide how pleased he was knowing she liked the Beatles.

-What do you mean?

-Come, I'll show you how

She sat beside him and he did the same, then, she pushed herself to be closer to the tree until her head was right below it. He did the same.

They were admiring the little universe inside the decorated branches, looking as high as they could, an immersive exercise that caught their imagination for some time in silence. After a moment, she said

-When I was a kid I cried so much because it was Christmas, I hated it. My parents used to discuss all the time, yelling and cursing, making me choose between them... I never believed in this holiday spirit everyone's talk so much about, for me it was hell. But my grandpa, he, well, one year there was a horrible dinner, mom and dad were screaming so much he went home and rescued me just because I called him. I was crying all the way here and I was ashamed of being such a cry baby, I was nine and I had this specially tragic sensation that my childhood was ending and everything was horrible and hopeless -y/n made a pause, she recovered her breath and laughed a little - my grandpa wasn't an affectionate man, he showed love in that way very few times but that night he did, he holded me and brought me to the tree and taught me this. He said "there is more ways to look at things, even when you think you know all about something, if you change your perspective, you'll find out a new world". I stood in silence down here the rest of the night, imagining that I was 2cm long and this was an extremely tall magic tree I had to climb and all the adventures I'll had, it was so comforting I kept doing it every year.

Neville's throat was a rock, but he managed to say

-You know? There's a forest in California that has the tallest trees in the world, most of them are over 100mts, if we go there you could feel as if you were 2cms tall.

-You can also cast a shrinking spell on me right here and now you know

Neville laughed

-Merlin's cracking knees, I'm such a horrible wizard I didn't even think about it.

-You are not! It's just too much time in the muggle world

-Yes I am, and you know? I wouldn't mind being a muggle, being here, with you, all of this, I never thought it could be this easy not living stressed about every single spell, pronunciation, wand work, keeping my bloody wand safe, my own life safe, all of the trouble wizards go through can be avoided perfectly, I wish I could just relax and press a button to had my light on instead of using a stick that might end setting the room on fire.

-You are definitely not that bad Nev

-I was, and I kept being the worst even when I got better and I wish my grandma and McGonagall and everyone could just give up on me and let me be the hopeless toad I am, they should just turn me into one and throw me in the lake so the giant squid could have me for dessert, it would be a perfectly believed accident and no one would miss me, I bet it would take weeks for someone to notice that I'm gone. My only concern is Trevor but I bet I can convince him to suicide with me, he doesn't look that happy being my pet or a toad anyway.

Y/n was rolling in the carpet, laughing so much her stomach hurts.

-Oh Neville! You have thought about this so much oh my god.

Neville was laughing too, y/n laughter was one of his favorite sounds now, he was really proud of himself for being capable of making her laugh that hard, suddenly he realized he wasn't sad anymore, he was actually quite happy and content, laying down with his best friend, just talking, admiring her features illuminated by the tree lights. She was coming down from her laughter outburst, looking him with shinny dream eyes, a strange tension started building inside Neville's chest. He swallowed hard without breaking eye contact, finally she asked

-So, what do you think about your first muggle party?

-Oh it was cool, I had fun, I like muggles, did you had fun?

-Yeah, yeah, I mean, it's weird

-Weird?

-Well, I don't know, I never really see them anymore, not like I used to, I don't even hang out with Angie as much as before and every time I see them is to catch up... and that's weird

-Catching up is weird?

-Yes, I feel like I already lost them. Like, everytime I see them I got a glimpse of the life I lost. The person I could have been, the friends or relationship I could have had, careers I can't pursue, experiences I'll never know... And I don't really feel entitled to feel bad about it because IM A BLODDY WITCH I mean I do magic! And I've got the chance to be at a magical school in a bloody castle with other witches and wizards and I can do a lot of wicked stuff, so, I know I'm privileged, but deep down I feel like I don't know, like I'm losing something, a part of me I'll never know, a life I'll never had and it's a little disturbing to find out that in this magical world is normal to just forget about all of that and be happy with my second class citizen status and be quiet about this grief I feel for my friends, my family even and my old self.

Neville was bewildered. He had never thought about the wizarding world in that way, he felt like such an idiot.

-We should run away then, I mean, I hate being a wizard, you hate living your life broken in two, so, fuck it.

Y/n grinned at the thought.

-Can you imagine? What would you like to do?

-Well I don't know that much about muggles...OH! I want to go to the record store! Andromeda says that's where she gets the vinyl's she sent me, I don't know where the record store Is tho

-There's plenty of them! We could go to everyone! We could own one! It could be a cafe too, when I was growing up my dream was to own a cafeteria.

-What's that?

-A place where you drink caffeine

-You can only get that sort of thing there? Like an opium bar?

-How do you know about opium bars and not cafeteria's?

-One of the guys at the party was obsessed with going to Berlin to find one and he was on and on about it.

-What?

-Yeah... He was about to tell me about something called LSD but then - Neville's voice went low - I saw you

-Oh, sorry for interrupting - she was speaking softly too, the memory of THAT moment in the kitchen with him was hitting hard, nervousness crawling over her skin, he was looking at her, lost in his thoughts - I'm glad you had fun.

-I did, well I just, I have one complain

-The oasis thing again?

-Nooo, I mean, yes of course but, no it's just that, ugh I expected it to be more dancing - he covered his face with his hands full of embarrassing

-Yeah, you must be the only man I know that likes dancing so much, boys are not really into it.

-I thought It was a wizards thing, I'm really disappointed

-No, unfortunately it's a men thing, sorry.

-Guess I'll have to wait for your granny to wake up so I can have a partner.

-I'm not good enough for you? - y/n was raising an eye brow, she didn't even knew she was capable of that. Was she flirting? Neville's red cheeks were a confirmation, she was actually flirting, damn.

-Would you dance with me? - his throat was dry, he wasn't expecting this conversation ending up that way.

-Of course - how could she dance if her knees were trembling?

-Neville stood up and offered his hand to help her, she noticed his sweaty palms, or were her's? He went to the record collection and choose a record he couldn't stop thinking at dinner. After a moment With the Beatles started playing.

-Oh...- she blushed- you got me.

-I mean it was quite in the nose actually - he pointed at her t-shirt, she laughed while started nerviosly moving - oh common, you can do better than that, I ve seen your moves girl.

-What? When? Where?

-Uhm - he could have slapped himself, why was he bringing that up right now? He didn't wanted to screw up the moment but he carried on carefully - well, that night at the party, you were dancing by yourself to Cocteau twins, I was looking at you, you seemed so carefree and happy, I wanted to dance with you but

-What?

-He got you first.

-Oh

-They went still, an awkward silence filling the air for what seemed an eternity, she was actually really confused about Neville's declaration, the fact that he witnessed everything and the thing that happened after that made her feel so vulnerable...

And then All I've got to do started playing.

-Common, it's a slow one.

Neville took her hand and brought her closer in one single elegant movement and suddenly her arms were around his neck and his on her waist, slowly guiding her to the beat of the song. Looking down at her he softly said

-Sorry for what I said, I didn't mean to hurt you, I know you don't like to think about that night.

-No, don't be, I, well I don't know how to feel about that night but, I just, I guess I was surprised, I didn't knew someone was paying attention.

-I know. Sorry. I feel guilty about it.

-Why?

-Well I wanted to run after you but he beat me to it, maybe if I just had run faster I...

-He didn't forced me you know? I wanted to.

-Yeah, of course - of course she wanted to, of course that wouldn't change anything, Neville was feeling stupid for thinking that any of his actions could have changed the outcome, she liked Fred, not him, that was a fact.

Y/n felt a stone in her stomach, was Neville implying what she thought he was implying? There was a shadow covering his eyes, some sort of sadness she haven't noticed before. She felt the need to hold him tight so she did.

She was up in her tiptoes, even with high boots she barely got to his neck so she rested her head against his collar bones, he held her tightly, his scent filling her every sense, the soft but strong grip he had on her body provoked an involuntary throat sound produced electrical shivers on his collar.

All my loving was coming through in the record player but despite the change of rhythm they didn't pull away. He held her while they played the whole record, dancing at their own pace, singing along until she felt asleep in his arms.

[the-bad-taste-aquarium]

hi :) can you do "fear factory" from donkey kong country please? also i have a question about something i'm not sure if you can help me.

i'm looking for a certain type of music, or soundtracks with a certain type of vibe. something more than ambience with a melody, but usually more toned down. the type of music that i guess people would describe as "chill" or "nostalgic" maybe. like it's there and nice to hear, but generally i think it's supposed to fade into the background.

idk how to explain it, but i think it's supposed to be unintrusive but still fill the silence, which makes sense because i usually hear them in management games, especially indie ones. less like a mood and more like actual song? with actual progression and what nots. a lot of acoustics and generally on the slow side. a few examples would be like "build your ride" from park beyond ost and "home sweet home" from a little to the left ost.

idk if you have any ideas but i figured it doesn't hurt to ask. i don't even know if i'm making any sense lol. it's funny, i felt like they were all over the place but suddenly when i want them they're nowhere to be found. when i search everything that shows up is just nintendo this and stardew that... which is fine, but not really what i want... teehee

I'm thinking of something that's not distracting but also not boring, and where the appeal of the song is evenly-spaced so you're not tempted to just keep rewinding to your favorite part

this is one of my favorites that fits that bill that also probably doesn't come up in chill / cozy comps

a lot of my other suggestions would be nintendo stuff since that's just a lot of the games that i'm attached to, but i think i can give you better results from those games than those search results which probably just gave you a lot of animal crossing music

everyone who's played pikmin 2 already knows and loves this song but just incase you haven't:

some people might get bored with this one but i like the piano melody and i think there's something hypnotic about how empty the song gets after that, there was a stretch a few months ago where this was my go-to bgm whenever i was doing work

this one gave me a nostalgic feeling even when i first played this game 5 years ago and had no childhood memories with it or anything;

others:

[jamiesfootball]

Deleted Scene

For the wonderful @alter-alterego who requested for a gift fic-

"a deleted scene: something that just isn't fitting in one of your fics, but you set it aside, hoping to make it work somewhere else" and "a fun way to repurpose some writing - especially if it was a whole "kill your babies" sort of edit that broke your heart to cut it."

-and also some other words were thrown around like hurt/comfort.

So the thing is that I uh.... did not have any deleted scenes.

So.

I wrote one!

This is a deleted scene from Jamie's pov during ch 1 of Oh God You're Gonna Get It (You Have Not Been Given Love), taking place after the conversation on the couch but before the match the next day.

I would not say it necessarily slots into place - it does not have nearly the runway to hit that level of emotional intensity. Instead, I treated it more like a character study, a way to get down a bit of my thoughts on the where Jamie is at now. Refurbishing some writing thought, if you will.

Unfortunately, I did forget some of the comfort here - but the rest of the fic will have lots of comfort so???

Anyways. Thank you for your delightful request, friend. I hope you enjoy.

When awareness crept in behind his sleep-sealed eyes, a handful of problems offered themselves up to Jamie like unwanted presents. The first was that he hadn't brushed his teeth the night before, and his mouth tasted rank and fuzzy as a result. The next, that dried blood caked the inside of his nostrils, leaving behind an unpleasant, iron-tanged stuffiness. Final and worst came a deep and throbbing pain centered around his nose, passing along the message that something was swollen, if not outright bruised.

He'd been handed these gifts before, but crucial pieces were missing from the set. In their place, he'd been given imposters. Restfulness, when it should feel like he'd run a marathon. Something content beckoning him back towards sleep, instead of a familiar set of knives stabbing him in the chest, urging him to go, get away, anywhere but here.

His head felt weighed down by wet, drooping cotton, and that was new too, and in some ways worse than the distant emptiness he'd grown to rely on. At least emptiness knew how to sort out an icepack. Or a concussion. Or whatever it was that had him feeling floaty and lost.

Where the hell was he?

He cracked open his eyes. He didn't recognize the room — which didn't mean much when everyone he knew had more house than they knew what to do with. Still, there was something familiar about it, something that quieted any lingering panic that he might've woken up in a stranger's home.

It was cozy, but clean. Dark, woodsy room with antique lamps — too tasteful for Colin, too muted for Isaac. Art too boring for Sam. Everything far too clean for Dani.

A fuzzy blanket tickled his nose. In the dim light filtering in through the windows, he could see it was covered in unicorns and rainbows, all of it swirling around in a dizzying pattern. Shutting his eyes tight, he tugged it closer; it was surprisingly warm.

The couch was comfier than his too, cradling his shoulder against the cushion instead of pushing his tendons up into his neck until all he had to show for it was a splitting headache. No, this was lush, pliable with age and use. The blanket worn soft like someone cared for it. Made it feel like this was someone's home that Jamie was invading, and that made him feel like, feel —

A sick certainty settled in his stomach that he'd regret everything more when it was light out. Morning Jamie could sort that out. He didn't envy that guy at all.

He chewed his lip, unable to stop picking at the problem. His mouth tasted sour, and the dry ache behind his eyes sang a familiar song. Nausea twisted low in his stomach, and finally there it was, the tightness circling his chest and pulling into a knot. The room smelled like beer—

"Want to grab a beer later?"

"I thought you said I couldn't have beer anymore."

"Well, you're with me, so you get a pass," Roy had said, and Jamie could've floated off the floor with how it made his chest puff up—

Oh.

Oh.

This was Roy's house.

That's why his face hurt.

Jamie sighed, the building discomfort releasing in a wave of relief that left him dizzy, head floating above the soft cushions like he was balanced on a cloud.

He'd thought for a second-

He'd-

No. He'd been worried for nothing.

This was Roy's house. Made sense then, that his brain had picked up that he weren't anywhere bad. The dark furniture and the leather everything and the grainy wood; it was like the house and the man had been shaped out of the same men's catalogue from the eighties. Everything looked sturdy and settled in place.

He hadn't noticed the bright purple blanket last night, but then he couldn't have said what he did notice. They'd left the bar; everything past that was a whirlwind.

He owed Keeley an apology.

He frowned, worrying at the blanket with his thumb. He'd apologized to Roy. It'd went well, he thought. He hoped. He shouldn't get ahead of himself. He'd said a bunch of words without thinking them through first, and meaning them didn't stop it from feeling like he'd flayed some soft part of himself open with a knife and held out the scraps as a peace offering.

At least with Roy, he had a chance of being offered something back. Some reassurance, at least, that things weren't beyond repair. Whatever it was that brought that familiar growl down to something softer, still rough around the edges but not mean when he was making jokes, egging Jamie on and listening quiet thought while Jamie's thoughts spun circles across the carpet.

Letting Jamie say his peace. Accepting his apology for his behavior. Saying shit like, like he was proud of Jamie, even if Jamie hadn't done much to earn that lately.

Fuck.

And in the week since he'd sent that text to his dad, he hadn't gotten so much as a read receipt—

—which didn't mean anything, did it? Could be that he'd turned them off—

With a little shifting, he found his phone. He flicked it on, ignoring the familiar spike of panic as he did.

No new messages. Good.

Seven-percent battery life. Not good.

3:30 in the morning. Fuck.

Sighing, he switched it off. Looked like he was getting up.

He didn't move.

For once it wasn't the persistent, leaden feeling holding him down — like they'd taken every weight in the gym and tied it to his limbs when he wasn't looking. No, it was just, maybe if he didn't get up, last night wouldn't've happened.

A sickness, hot and sour, pooled in his stomach.

A week ago, he'd been at his mother's house, curled up and making the best out of whatever comfort he could drag towards him like a dying man. But this wasn't the same. He was a visitor here at best, his extended welcome debatable, and there was no one in this house obligated to brush his hair back and tell him if he was making a mistake.

Didn't mean he wouldn't take what he could get now that he'd earned his way in.

It was early. He was warm. Things hurt, but he was at Roy's. Nothing bad would find him here. Everything was fine and there were no unread messages waiting for him on his phone.

A warmed beer smell lingered in the air, musty and rank. He pushed his face further into the couch to get away from it. The couch smelled like old leather and glitter and fabric softener, and it didn't feel waxy or tacky against his skin and it molded around him like a hug. He didn't want to get up. He was tired.

He was so, so tired.

His undrunk beer sat on the table above his head. Now that he noticed the yeasty smell, it cloyed to the air, sinking into everything it touched.

He'd have to get up soon and deal with it. He had a lot of stuff to deal with. He didn't want Roy to think he couldn't handle it.

Since the boot room, he hadn't been able to shake the feeling that he'd gotten away with something. Roy had been nice. Too nice. The kind that had Jamie looking over his metaphoricle shoulder, waiting for the other boot to hit, because Jamie hadn't been professional about it at all. He'd collapsed in on himself, utterly crushed and incapable of hiding it another second, everything sticking and clawing out of him like a staunched wound fighting back.

But then Roy had been dead nice about it and he'd given him a pass and then he'd kept being nice and he'd invited Jamie out for a drink and Jamie had thought he was off the hook.

Knew better now, didn't he? He was on the hook, squirming as well as any other caught worm. The drinks hadn't been about Jamie, at least part of the niceness had been on loan, and his free pass had burned up in front of his eyes before he even knew he only had the one to spare.

Roy expected better of him.

That was fine. Jamie did too. He was up to the challenge; he knew what to avoid now. So in twenty minutes he’d get up. He’d take care of the beer bottles, rinse ‘em out in case Roy was one of those guys that got offended if you wasted his beer. With his phone battery low, he didn't have the juice to call for a pick up — he’d have to make the thirty-minute trek to his house. Unless he got lucky and stumbled across a taxi, that'd put him back at his own place in just under an hour. From there he’d dig out the white vinegar that he kept on hand for emergencies and see if he couldn’t buff out the stain on his chest. Stone Island wasn’t exactly his brand of choice, and they weren't interested in signing him on as a permanent brand ambassador, but they'd been pleasant to work with and they paid well and he’d only had the jacket for three days and he hadn’t been papped in it yet and it’d be fucking embarrassing for everyone involved if he went crying to them that he’d need a new one cause he’d already ruined the first one.

(He'd still do it if he had to though -- it wouldn’t be the first time a little blood threatened a brand deal.) No, one way or another he’d be getting that stain out, didn’t matter how much scrubbing it took. From there he’d inspect whatever was going on with his face. That didn’t bother him as much. Nothing felt broken, and he knew how to make himself look photo-ready for the match. All the small speed bumps sorted, he’d start in on his match day warmups. Nothing intense, just enough to loosen his muscles up.

His socked foot poked out of the bottom of the blanket. He twisted his ankle experimentally. Slowly, it cranked through the rotations, gummy and awkward like stuck hands on a clock. A lot tighter than it should be. Physios wouldn't be happy with him, but that worry came as an afterthought. He'd play the full ninety. They all knew it.

After warmups, he'd take a shower— His eyes stung, suddenly hot and warm. He pulled the blanket tighter around himself. He’d take a shower; do the whole routine. Wasn’t happening again. Loud and clear. From there he’d pop round to Nelson road. Bit early, even for him, but he hoped to catch Ted before the coach got swept up in pressers and the like. He wanted to thank him, properly, for all he’d done to help Jamie and straighten him out over the years. He knew Lasso had a busy schedule and a quick turnaround to get home, and Jamie wouldn’t take up too much of his time. He just- he needed to say it. He had his fingers crossed that it’d be one of their better talks — the kind that left him feeling pleased with himself and a bit like he could float on air — instead of one of the awkward, stilted ones that fizzled out between his fingers and left him feeling wrong-footed and confused, like he'd put his elbows on the table or committed some other social fake paw that he was supposed to know about by now.

But just in case it did go like that, he'd still have said it, and he’d still have left himself plenty of time to screw his head on before the match. He was a professional after all. Give him a few minutes recovery in the storage room that wasn't Higgins' office anymore, and by the time the lads started filtering in, he’d be fine. Then they’d start the real pre-match march. Light workout and pre-game presser. Meal time, then the real warmups, the ones meant to get your blood flowing and your food settled. Cleanup, out of practice kit, into training kit. Let the physios at him again with their magic tape. Into the tunnel to mingle with the reporters: soundbites, heart-warming stories, all the patter ('Why, yes, West Ham has played a strong year, 'course I’ve got my eye on City-always do, don’t I? No I don’t give a flying fuck if Zava’s got a scorpion named after him now, fuck off—") Well hopefully no one’d ask him about Zava. Not a match had passed without some journo brining him up, but maybe the possibility of them winning the league would be enough to shut them up for once, instead of it turning into yet another retrospective on how Zava's head start was the reason the team had made it this far in the rankings. Pricks. Then it’d be speech time. Jamie didn’t understand what it was about gaffers and speeches, but they’d seemed to all agree in their mysterious gaffer ways that it was the one time you were allowed to be emotional in front of the players. Ted usually didn’t have that problem, but he certainly never shied away from the chance to one-up himself with a game day speech. It was sure to be a good one. Then nothing else would matter, cause there’d be the match. Everything made sense on the pitch.

Jamie knew what he had to do on the pitch. Nothing could touch him on the pitch.

No one was ever waiting for him on the pitch. He wondered if they won, if he’d come back to find a message on his phone. He wondered if they lost, if he’d come back to find a message on his phone. He checked his phone again. 3:50am. 6% battery. He turned off the screen and shut his eyes. In ten minutes, he’d get up. Sort out his life. Win the league. In ten minutes. Until then, he’d try to enjoy what he had. Warm blanket. A nice place to sleep. No new messages on his phone. An ankle and a nose that weren’t broken. People who’d welcomed him inside. People who'd forgiven him for his mistakes. It was enough.

He just had to make sure he didn't mess it up.

[a-moth-to-the-light]

Comeback Celebration: Current Top Ten StayC Songs

So this has been sitting in my drafts since March... but that worked out great, actually, since today we're getting their FIRST FULL ALBUM !!! HAPPY STAYC COMEBACK Y'ALL !!! When it comes to the highs of StayC's discography, I really think that no one can do what they do. My appreciation for their work has grown slowly but steadily--I was only a casual listener of their debut, so it was actually "ASAP" that made me a fan. Then, the Stereotype comeback got them on my stan list, and with the "Run2U" comeback, they became my favorite kpop group (sorry, Twice and Mamamoo, I still love y'all!). Revisiting StayC's earlier songs for this list, I was actually surprised by how impeccably their music has aged--I love this group even more than I thought I did!

1. 247

The queen herself! I think I've done a few other write-ups about this song in my time on Tumblr, and it hasn't gotten any less perfect after two years. "247" really leans into the lofi side of StayC's signature sound, but it has a hell of a kick to it, too. I absolutely could not fall asleep to this one, or do homework while leaving it on repeat, because I would be stimming too hard--how could I not, with a beat like that? That staticky beat commands the song, and you can't even get used to it because it's constantly morphing, surprising you with little offbeats. In contrast, StayC's vocals are a sugar rush, as high and melodic as the beat is low and grating. This is StayC at the top of their game in both production & performance, and the result is a song that gets more dazzling the more intently you listen for its details.

2. Slow Down

It took me a while to notice this one--"Stereotype" and "Complex" had all my attention when the Stereotype album first dropped, but when "Slow Down" finally had its turn in my rotation, I knew the others just couldn't compete. I'm always here for the 10 hours chill lofi beats to study to style of song from StayC, but it's not just the production I love here. The members really add to the song--I especially adore the precision with which they handle the first verse, even as it just runs and runs and runs and runs headfirst into the prechorus. The rap in the bridge docks "Slow Down" a couple of points in my book, but the "haste makes waste" ad-lib wins those back easily.

3. Complex

And here's "Complex" !! This is the song that made StayC my favorite group--from the beginning, it's been brain-cleaning music for my soul. I find it hard to place what, exactly, makes StayC's music so special to me, but "Complex" has it for sure. It's something about the way the members enunciate sharply, but not aggressively, I think. "Complex" is a soft, understated song, but the StayC ladies are masters of enunciation--their performances, strong and confident, give the song these sharp edges that keep me absolutely captivated. StayC's music, soothing but not understimulating, is just so perfect for my sensory sensitivities, and that's what I mean when I say I feel like StayC's style was designed just for me.

4. So What

This was too obnoxious for me when it first came out--maybe because Itzy still ran the girl group landscape in 2021, so I was not in need of another 'sassy & self-confident but also cutesy & girly' type of song? "So What" got me eventually, though; I think it was during the "Beautiful Monster" comeback that this track became a regular fixture in my playlists. "So What" has some of the Itzy magic--flat verses set against soaring melodic choruses, a downright strange instrumental in the prechorus--but it has a lot of StayC magic too, I think. I can't be sure this is inspired by 8-bit music, but the chorus definitely has the sound of a retro video game. (If you've been enjoying that sound lately, you should definitely check this one out!) "So What" is more energetic than a lot of the others on this list, but it's just as cozy and comforting as they are--as the chorus hits you with a barrage of clashing instrumental bits, the vocals get softer and sweeter to balance it out, and the bridge could have been taken straight out of an IU ballad.

5. Run2U

It's kind of unfortunate that this one came out when it did--the music video for "Run2U" dropped right before a really major, terrifying event in my life, so I was replaying it all the time in the months when that event happened. As much as I enjoy "Run2U", I don't listen to it much anymore--it transports me back a little too well. (Luckily for me, the b-sides from this album managed to escape the Bad Memory Vortex!) "Run2U" is an absolutely perfect song, though, stuffed with hooks and textures that my brain loves to chew on. While revisiting "Run2U" for this list, I understood exactly why I was replaying the song so maniacally in the months after it came out (it was my most-listened song of 2022, and I think all those listens were from between February and April). The soaring vocals, the angelic chimes, the beat that feels somehow 3D? It's too much to process on just one listen--or just two, or just three... This could honestly be my favorite StayC song in an alternate universe--it's such a grand statement of just how much this group is capable of!! (And it turns the pop-princess aspect of their style up to 100, which I, as a Twice stan, am legally obligated to love.)

6. ASAP

Rhyming "copy" with "decalcomanie" is the kind of audacity I like to see in a first comeback (only Lightsum has been more audacious--I love you, Lightsum, you'll get your own textpost one day). Though the production & songwriting for this spring lofi sunny day 1 hour chill beats mix sound would be perfected in StayC's later comebacks, the members perform the hell out of this one. Even before "Complex", they had the skill with enunciation to bring some real bite to the quirky-cute girl group sound! Also, that piano in the bridge is glorious.

7. I Like It

You could probably argue that this is just a dollar-store version of "Slow Down" and "So What", and I would probably agree with you--but like, I like this one, okay? I like how Yoon sings "I got my shades on" in the opening; I like the chanted bit in the second prechorus (GWAENCHANA NE TASI ANIJANA !!!!!); I like the whole damn chorus!! I think this one needed a lot more time in the oven production-wise, but I still find it super listenable. The members help "I Like It" flow smoothly despite its clumsy production, and the harmonies alone are worth coming back for.

8. Beautiful Monster

Despite some really clumsy production choices (this album was... interesting, to say the least!), I can't help but love this one--I find myself revisiting it a whole lot. (But, like, what are those claps leading into the chorus. Why are they so loud. Could you just... uh... blend them in, just a little bit? Like, could you just make them sound like they're actually coming from, like, the same song as the rest of the track? Anyway...) "Beautiful Monster" is a super-memorable showcase of StayC's vocals, though, so it's a classic in my book--those bordering-on-wailing high notes remind me of the most emotional moments in GFRIEND songs, and they're scattered throughout all of "Beautiful Monster", and they still hit like bricks every single time?? My heart was not ready for this song.

9. Stereotype

Another classic! This is one of those songs that really makes me think no one can make music quite like StayC's--like, "Stereotype" should not be as interesting as it is. It should not echo in my bones the way it does. We know StayC can bring their songs to stunningly high highs --see: "Run2U" and "Beautiful Monster"--but "Stereotype" manages to be an infinitely satisfying listen without any showstopping moments. This is like the sweeter version of "247"--it takes an even softer approach, but it still has that kick to it, like the sour part of a sip of lemonade or the fizz in lime soda. Admittedly, I don't listen to this one very frequently--I really should be obsessing over it a lot more, but the b-sides from this comeback really stole the show for me (see: "Slow Down" & "Complex" at spots 2 & 3 on this list). "Stereotype" completely deserved its success, though! It's really a perfect encapsulation of the pop-princess-meets-lofi aesthetic that makes StayC stand out.

10. Poppy (Japanese or Korean ver.)

Yes, we get one song from StayC's 2023, at least. (Look, 2023 wasn't really their year, but I needed a break from constantly gushing about how great their music is, anyway!) I think everyone else in the world would have this one on their list, too--I remember when "Poppy" took the fandom by storm, though I didn't get the appeal at the time. I'm sold on it now, though! "Poppy" is a pretty straightforward dance track, but the textures in the instrumental are unique enough that I find it an interesting, enjoyable listen whenever it comes up on shuffle.

Honorable Mentions: So Bad (vocals. oh my god the vocals.), Like This, Butterfly, I Want U Baby (that chorus is a real gem, i hum it to myself all the time), Love (i bring this one out every summer !!), Not Like You

[miru667]

Thanks to everyone who tried out my quiz! xDDD I'm happy with the scores, it seems that I set the right level of difficulty! Below I'll talk about the results:

Favourite colour: Started out with a hard question, I see! This would've been an easier question years ago when my self insert's default outfit was a red hoodie! It's hard now since I've got lunchlady miru and death god miru now, and neither of them wear any red (except for lunchlady's red hair tie), plus all I draw is Audrey now who also doesn't usually wear red LOL. The other colours are there to try to trick you - I knew some ppl thought I had an affinity to orange since Audrey is orange, and green is there for those of you who relate me more to onceler. Green and teal are more Audrey's favourite colours, although I super love teal as well.

Home fandom before the onceler fandom: This also tripped some people up I'm guessing because I've stated multiple times before that the onceler fandom was my first fandom - that I was ACTIVE in. Kingdom Hearts was my heart and soul for almost 10 years until the Once-ler came in! I just was always a quiet loner who enjoyed media my own way with maybe 1 other irl friend. I was a huge fan of Beyblade too, but it only lasted about 5 years before I went back to KH, my home. And Steven Universe (2013) came out after the Lorax (2012), so that one's just plain wrong if you remember that I was in the onceler fandom since 2012.

Where does the 667 come from: This one was answered publicly on my tumblr blog more than once! https://miru667.tumblr.com/post/37104426699/ive-always-wondered-whats-with-the-667-in-your It was a two part answer, so you had to just pick the most accurate one. Robert Schumann is there to try to trick you since his name is close to Schubert.

Where was I born: I thought that maybe this would be tricky because just because I'm a Canadian living in Canada doesn't mean I was born there, but almost everyone got this one! Nice!!

Audrey Grace is: my darling niece!! HAHA SORRY this one tripped people up because yeah she's also my OC. But she's not JUST my oc, yanno? She's the apple of my eye, and I refer to her as my niece quite often, to every single person online and offline. More than half got this correct! Good!

Who is my wife: I've been tagging Elsa as my wife on my sideblog for years! The Once-ler is there as an option to trip up the ppl who think I still see the onceler that way. xP I don't! He's just my roommate now. I'm flattered that a few people thought I had an irl wife though omg...in my dreams lmao.

My fav artist/band: OOF this one tells me I'm not talking about my fav band enough! No one should feel bad, I agree it was the hardest one. MCR is a very close second to iDKHOW and going to that MCR concert was the peak moment of my life, and I talk about how much I love christmas music all the time on twitter, and I reference Taylor Swift a lot because of Audrey and because she's current (and I also genuinely love tswift, her stuff is pure poetry and she's a genius). But iDKHOW's music...man it's like they can't make a bad song to me. Morbidly cozy romantic vibes just reach all the way to the depths of my soul and make me feel healed and cradled. Two of my drawings were inspired by their songs: [link] [link] I think it's just that they're not as active as much and not many other ppl really know them so I don't really get a chance to mention them often? But in general I also just...don't talk about my interests that often, that's just the way I am aaaaakjhfg

Audrey Grace's fav food: Anyone who's seen her in RP long enough would know this answer, plus I've stated it directly in a self reblog recently (now deleted). This post on her blog was also a clue: https://audtreegrace.tumblr.com/post/699641281660551168/your-hair-looks-like-pumpkinpos I don't blame anyone for choosing any of the other answers though, because she LOVES those foods too and I've shown it in artworks!

Siblings: Phew I was watching the results and for a while there a lot of ppl thought I was an only child? lksfjhgld do I really have only-child vibes omg (don't answer that). In the end, more than half of you got the right answer so, good!! I love my younger sister so much, she's the original inspo for my Audrey, and I'm sure I've mentioned that on multiple platforms.

What I look forward to every spring: This question is easy for my twitter followers! I mention cherry blossoms every year on twitter, and share my photos. People who know me would also remember my bday is in the winter, not spring, and that I don't really care about the lack of sunshine during winter, which is my fav season. So those two answers are out by process of elimination. As for the onceler fandom anniversary...yeah, for the third time I've tricked you LMAO IM SORRY;;; I just wanted to wave to those who know me for more than onceler. :,) It's not that I don't care about the fandom anniversary - I do care about it! But I don't wait for it with anticipation like I do with cherry blossoms. But most ppl got this answer anyway so I feel loved!

And that's it! Thanks for reading if you did! I'm not offended by anyone's score at all, this was soooooo fun for me LLOLL xD

I made a friendquiz! 10 questions to see how well you know me :3 Though tbh I think you'd have to have followed me on twitter for a while to stand a chance haha ^^;; But it's a good way to find out some random facts about me anyway, so feel free to try!

[weasleytwinwheezes]

Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High?

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Reader 

Warnings: Mentions of drug use, cussing, angst, mutual pining

Summary: based off the song Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High by the Arctic Monkeys. Y/N has a long-standing crush on Eddie but feels like his feelings are only reciprocated when he’s stoned

A/N: first fic in a long time! im obsessed with eddie so i knew i had to write something with him! let me know how you like it :)

Eddie Munson loved weed. 

That wasn’t news to anyone. Especially you. The two of you would regularly celebrate after the weekly Hellfire meeting with a joint and a horror movie. As much as Eddie was the ‘town freak’ he was even more widely known as the ‘town stoner’. That also wasn’t news to you, after becoming friends the summer before your senior year-Eddie quickly introduced you to the joys of marijuana.

But lately, you have started to despise the beloved leaf. 

It started off small. The two of you would get high and cuddle up during a scary movie. Then it progressed into eating edibles and slow dancing in the kitchen while making them. He would always look at you so lovingly and call you ‘sweetheart’. Everything he spoke to you so softly that it made your heart lurch in your chest. Eventually it led to him rubbing your back and shoulders while you tried to study. Naturally you assumed his sweet affections would blend into your life outside of his cozy trailer, but it never did. 

Of course he was still sweet, dorky Eddie. But it was still a far cry from the man who felt you up in his bedroom. He would never go further than a hug in person and never hinted towards anything going on between you. 

After weeks of constantly scrutinizing every action you had with him, you told yourself that it was the weed making him act this way. It wasn’t him. The events of the past proved it. He only wanted you when he was high. He didn’t have the same feelings for you when he was sober and that was just something you had to get passed. 

So you made yourself sparse. You stopped hanging out after Hellfire club, making excuses about end of the year exams and babysitting. You definitely avoided any reason that would result in you going over to his trailer. It was easier this way, you didn’t allow yourself to get your hopes up.

But you missed Eddie. He was such a huge part of your everyday life. Granted you still sat with him at lunch and attended every Hellfire meeting, but it wasn’t the same. There was no more you and Eddie- it was just you and Eddie now. Two separate people. 

You could tell that Eddie noticed you pulling away from him, even though you knew he would never say anything. He was still persistent as ever about you coming over after a successful campaign. 

“Y/N I feel like we never see each other anymore. But I got some amazing new shit from Reefer Rick and I know you’ll love it,” Eddie pleaded, clasping his hands together with a pouty face. 

“Eddie I can’t. I’m sorry. I’m so behind on homework that it’s a joke and-“ you began but cut yourself off when a large hand grasped your much smaller one. 

“Please, I just miss hanging out with you,” he whispered softly, brown eyes looking down at you. 

You could feel your heart leaping in your chest. This is exactly what you needed to avoid. This is why you had kept your distance. All the feelings you had shoved down over the past few weeks came surging upwards and you felt your resolve cracking. 

“Sure Eddie, lead the way,” you sighed. 

At the verbal confirmation that you would be spending time with him, he grabbed your hand and pulled you to his van. 

————-

The ride to his trailer was quiet, save for the low hum of Black Sabbath coming from the speakers. Neither one of you spoke about much. You opting to look out at the scenery of Hawkins. 

On the other hand, Eddie was more focused on you. He missed you. A lot. The past few weeks had been torture for him. He knew something was wrong but he couldn’t put his finger on it. Maybe he had come on too strong the last time you were over? Or maybe he had misread your reactions to his moves? Regardless, he had given you plenty of time to figure it out and he wanted an answer. 

Tonight. 

——————-

Pulling into the gravel driveway you felt your palms begin to sweat. Rubbing your hands across your denim clad thighs, you looked everywhere but at him. You knew deep down the minute he offered a joint, you’d cave. You never could tell him no. 

Somehow sensing your reluctance to climb out of the van, Eddie killed the engine and just sat in silence with you. Finally gaining the courage to look at him, you were met with a sight that confused you. 

Eddie looked sad and somewhat guilty. 

Holy shit. This is it. He’s going to tell you that he’s not interested in you at all in any way besides a friend and nope you can’t deal with that.

“Eddie, take me home please,” you softly whispered, heart breaking with each word. 

Whipping his head to you, he stared with wide brown eyes, “Y/N, please talk to me. Please just tell me what I did wrong. I’m going crazy without you and I’m so fucking sorry if I did something that made you uncomfortable. Please understand that I never ever meant to do that.” 

“What? You never made me uncomfortable. Why would you think that?” you questioned, staring at him warily. 

“Because you disappeared on me. You pulled away from me and I pretended not to notice. I really really did. But that hurt, still hurts. I had to have done something,” Eddie responded strickenly. 

“Eds, you didn’t technically do anything. I gave myself hope about something I never should have so I pulled out before I got even more hurt. I’m sorry that it’s hurting you but I couldn’t do it anymore,” you rushed out. 

“Do what Y/N? What can’t you do anymore?” he questioned. 

“I can’t do this anymore! Us! I can’t handle my heart being broken every time we hang out!” you exclaimed, hands gesturing wildly between the two of you. 

“I don’t understand what you’re talking about! How is hanging out with me breaking your heart?!” he asks, voice raising with every word. 

“Because you only want me when you’re high!” you yell, angry tears leaking down your face. 

Facing Eddie you see his face filled with surprise and disbelief. It was a look you’d never seen before but you couldn’t stop yourself from continuing, “I couldn’t handle only having you when you were stoned and alone in your trailer. I thought I could handle it but I can’t. It broke my heart every single time! You would be so sweet and affectionate then the next day act as if it never mattered. As if I never mattered! That’s why Eddie! It’s like I only exist in the late hours of the night with you, not during the day. I know you don’t feel the same things I do and that’s okay but I couldn’t let myself get played with like that.” 

You felt lighter. Somehow getting those words out into the world helped you. If you knew how much better they made you feel, maybe you would have said them weeks ago. 

Eddie seemed at a lost for words as he stared at you. He seemed to be taking in every last detail of you. It was as if he was preparing himself to never see you again. The two of you sat like that for what felt like hours. Realistically it was only around five minutes, but the words hanging in the air seemed to stretch time. 

You had resigned to looking at the rain hitting the windshield, unable to gaze at him any longer. When he finally broke the silence, “I’m so sorry. I thought that was how you wanted me to be. I’ve never had someone who wanted to be seen with me outside of the night. Assumed you would be ashamed like the others. But I wanted to hold your hand and kiss your cheek between classes. I wanted you to want me and even if that meant you only wanting me when we were stoned, I was going to take it.” 

He thought you were ashamed of him. He thought you wanting him for nothing more than affection and weed behind closed doors. He was so used to people wanting to protect their reputation that he was willing to be your dirty little secret. 

Reaching across the center console you grabbed you ringed hand, “Eddie, it looks like both of us were wrong. I don’t want to hide you. I want you to hold my hand and kiss me on the cheek. Hell, I want to scream to the world that Eddie Munson is mine! I want to wear your clothes so everyone knows who I belong to. I want to tell people that I love y-“ 

You were roughly cut off by his free hand pulling your face to his in a tender kiss. Kidding Eddie was everything you thought it would be. It was amazing. It was sweet. It was right. 

Pulling back quickly Eddie whispered, “Sweetheart, please say that again. Please. Please. Please.” 

“I love you Eddie and I’m tired of pretending I don’t,” you whispered softly, planting gentle kisses on his cheek. 

“You just made me the happiest man alive. I loved you for far too long princess. Now how about we handle that wearing my clothes part?” he replied, with a devilish grin. 

Throwing your head back with the first genuine laugh you’d had in weeks, you left Eddie drag from the van and into the trailer. Tonight you would let him have you in the dark but tomorrow you would have him in the day. 

[bukojuiice]

—the lovey-dovey things they do with you while you're both stuck at home during quarantine

ೃ chars: izuku midoriya, katsuki bakugo, shoto todoroki, eijiro kirishima and shinsou hitoshi x gn! reader

ೃ  tags: headcanons, fluff

ೃ  warnings: none!

ೃ  my nav  →  my mha writing masterlist  → my katsuki bakugo x reader smau

ೃ  please do reblog if you enjoyed!! it really helps writers and content creators on tumblr!  

ೃ  if you want to be a part of my mha taglist. send me an ask!  ♡

katsuki bakugo: cooking and baking with him! it all started on a cozy afternoon in April, you’re mindlessly scrolling through tiktok whilst cuddling with katsuki (your sparky bf practically asleep in your arms) when you stumbled upon some cute and interesting cooking videos appearing on your fyp. katsuki peers through your phone and groggily asks if you want to try out and attempt to make some of them and you immediately say yes!

the two of you start with something simple and basic, dalgona coffee! (even playfully arguing whether or not you should adding more whipped cream to your drinks or not), after that, you then take your culinary journey a bit further by making some baked sushi, cloud bread, and mini donut cereals among many other scrumptious delights! after a while, you decided to buy some matching “kiss the cook” aprons online and even started a tiktok account detailing all of the special twists katsuki made to the recipes (although he absolutely refused to make an account at first, with some probing and dozens of pouty faces and puppy eyes coming from his adorable significant other, he finally gives in) dancing and kisses in the kitchen, spreading flour on each other’s faces, leaving sneaky love notes by the fridge, and making each other coffee in the morning were just some of the little add-ons the two of you would do with each other.

izuku midoriya: online escape rooms and virtual museum tours! the national museum of japan were offering some free virtual tours around the museum and the two of you could not just pass up the opportunity to see all the intricate pieces being displayed in the museum. however, izuku wanted to experience something else that's similar to that and so, after seeing an ad on twitter for an virtual escape room experience, izuku excitedly told you about it. jumping and hopping around like a little bunny and you couldn’t help but agree as seeing him so happy and so excited for something will never fail to make your heart flutter. the two of you immediately book a reservation and even bring out your virtual reality gears for the full immersive experience. you’re clinging to his arm the whole time as you virtually traverse a horror escape game and your freckled boyfriend tries his best to be brave just for you.

with both of your intelligent and inquisitive minds combined together, with the occasional soft couple bickering, and having to listen to izuku murmur to himself for several minutes,  the two of you solved 7 escape rooms (for a week straight) in a span of three hours each. the two of you take turns in doing the tasks of the game, and whoever fails to do so, has to do the other person’s bidding for the entire day. although the two of you could never force the other to do any mean-spirited dares to each other, most of the bidding you told each other to do were peppering each other kisses on the cheek, long and warm hugs, choosing the movie for the night, cuddling in the bed and holding hands among many other things.

todoroki shoto: binging movies and tv shows on netflix with him! this was the perfect opportunity to help your icy-hot boyfriend finally indulge in everything pop culture. and what better way to do so than on netflix and other streaming sites? the two of you end up watching every romantic movie dear to your heart. mixed with bed or couch cuddles, blankets wrapped around the two of you, a lot of cheesy and loving whispers said, and paired with some comfort food you ordered online. your watching area varied. sometimes the two of you would watch in the bedroom, living room, and sometimes you would even make a pillow fort with dangling fairy lights attached to it filling the tent with fluffy stuff toys to lie on just so that the two of you can watch on the floor.

shoto cried when the two of you finished watching the notebook and the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. and all you did the entire night was give him all the hugs and kithes you could provide him. ever since then, the two of you opt for more light-hearted movies. rom-coms, disney movies and sitcoms where he endlessly referenced iconic lines from friends, the office, how i met your mother, and brooklyn 99. the days in quarantine go by with the two of you just mindlessly singing and dancing along to disney songs, rewatching rom-coms for the umpteenth time, reenacting some scenes from iconic movies with dry yet hilarious acting, and just discussing movie theories whenever he cutely and innocently asks you about some small details he missed every time you finish watching a movie for the day

eijiro kirishima: training and exercise routines with him! your shark-toothed boyfriend is a fitness buff through and through. to the point that a room in your house dedicated to just gym and fitness equipment exists. but when quarantine struck the world and your lovely home, you slightly lost your motivation to work out. eijiro continues to encourage you to do so ofc! with the two of you occasionally going outside to jog but aside from that, nothing much else. when he catches you watching a chloe ting video on youtube, he scoops you up from the couch, and you giggle trying to tell him to put you down yet he refuses to do so, as he carries you all the way to your little gym room. you notice that there are yoga mats sprawled about and since then, the two of you would do a lot of yoga as it has been proven to decrease anxiety. sometimes the two of you would get distracted and start dancing to the exercise music, accompanied endless laughter and giggles when kirisihima would do his daily planking exercise with you sitting on top of him as he does so.

there were also times when the two of you were so tired and sore. so you would give each other loving massages, there were also times when the two of you would just sleep it out or just lounge in the bed. excercise couldn’t stop your cravings and so, and there were also times when the two of you would do some food mukbangs you’ve been craving for recently.

shinsou hitoshi: playing video games with him and taking care of your little pet kitten! right before quarantine started, shinsou surprised you with a pet little kitten that the two of you decided to name gigi, named after the cat from kiki’s delivery service. the two of you always running around the house as if you were parents to a newly-born baby, watching your cute little kitten frolicking around, touching and interacting with everything he could find. after watching some “cat parents” videos on youtube and learning some tips, you attempt to give it a bath, resulting into a very wet failure. with the only time you can feel peace and quiet was when gigi was asleep or whenever he would be drinking his vet-approved milk. your quarantine life was hectic and chaotic but taking care of a cute little bundle of joy with your equally loving and handsome boyfriend... well, life couldn’t get any better than this.

when you were finally able to get the hang of the cat parents life, you and shinsou finally found the time to rest and relax by playing video games. may it be a horror, action, adventure, rhythm, or fantasy game, you were always playing with him. maybe as a player 2 or just as the supportive significant other who helped him solve puzzles, make story game choices that could change the game, and even help him with the buttons if he was trying to fight some hard boss. whenever there are jumps cares in the game, he would hold your hand and give you reassuring pats. whenever the two of you would play against each other on the other hand, he has his arms wrapped around you, with you still being extremely focused at the game at hand, he would give you pecks on the cheek to try and make you distracted so that he can win. your little pet kitten, gigi, sleeping on the couch as the two of you play to your heart’s content.

ೃ taglist: @chibishae34​  @lovelytarou​ @ramunegoddess​, @serossimpy @laudthingcat​​

[charmingyong]

Only Fate Can Tell

Prologue

Genre: Jaehyun x fem!reader, adorable bestfriend!Taeyong x Irene, marriage, fluff, slowburn, humour, angst

Warnings: slowburn, brief mention of mental health, babysitting children, alcohol consumption, awkward feelings, unrequited love, blinded by assumed thoughts,  an idiot to not acknowledge the feelings of love, suggestive at the end

Word count: 16k

Plot: You didn’t want to marry, but your parents were keen to find you a life partner considering your age. After numerous failed attempts of finding an alliance because you rejected all the potential ones after first meeting, your parents gave you a warning if you rejected yet another one. Therefore, much to your dismay, you chose to give Jung Jaehyun a chance.

A/N: This is a story of what happens before the marriage takes place (i.e. no married life scene in this part, and I will be writing a sequel). A few scenes were inspired by ‘The Return of Superman’ show. There’s a small surprise for Jaeyong stans. Songs of inspiration: Jaehyun’s I Like Me Better (Lauv), Love Me Now (NCT 127). Disclaimer: Taeyong x Irene is only for a fictional purpose in this story. If triggered, do not read this.

Gif: mine

© 2021 charmingyong.

- ❀ -

You dragged your feet to the entrance of the top floor restaurant, your palms getting sweaty as the doors slid open, making you hear the soft music more clearly. You were nowhere near interested in the blind date that your parents had set you up with. Even though you were itching to not show your face to the unfortunate man that had to see you, you didn’t have the heart to have your date be stood up by you.

You made eye contact with a female greeting you upon entry into the elegant establishment. “Hello ma’am. Do you have a reservation?”

“Yes, his name is Qian Kun.”

“Ah yes, please come this way.” She led you past the tables with light chatters, and you reached the end of the room where a man sat looking out the floor-to-ceiling windows at the miniature vehicles zooming on the highway.

“Sir, your date has arrived.”

Kun pried his eyes away from the window and towards you, a smile taking its place on his face. “Hello Miss Y/N. Please have a seat.” He gestured to the empty chair across him.

You nodded, timidly sitting down with your eyes wandering everywhere except on his.

“Would you like anything for starters?” he asked you gently.

You pursed your lips and shook your head. “Um, I need to tell you something.”

His lips formed an ‘oh’ and signaled for the server to leave you momentarily. “Yes, what is it?”

You took a deep breath in. “I only came here because my parents have been pestering me nonstop to get married. I’m really sorry but I’m not interested in marriage. It has nothing to do with you. It’s just me and I’m really sorry about that.”

Kun nodded, smiling tenderly at you. “I completely understand. I’m also here for that same reason.”

Your eyes widened slightly. “You too?”

“Yes. I actually want to focus on my career, and so I was hoping to get married like a few years from now. Definitely not now,” he spoke his last words quietly.

You smiled. “Well, I’m glad we’re both on the same boat. So I guess I’ll be going then since there’s no point for me to be here now,” you chuckled nervously.

He shook his head. “Please don’t. It’d be a shame to have you leave here with an empty stomach. This can just be a friendly dinner. That’s if you don’t mind, of course.”

You couldn’t say no to his kind eyes, especially when he was being a gentleman. “A friendly dinner it is.”

- ❀ -

You rang the doorbell and waited for a few seconds. The door flung open, revealing a smiling Irene. “Y/N! How did it go?” she beamed, excited to hear the details.

“You know the answer to that.” You took off your shoes and walked inside the clean spacious condo. Your eyes landed on little Aera who was on her four and you cooed, running up to her. You picked her up, cradling her tiny body in your arms and smooching a number of kisses all over her face. In return, Aera squealed happily from the sudden love attack.

Irene sighed. “You seriously did it again? Not give him a chance?”

You sat down on the couch with Aera on your lap. “Well, we did have a friendly dinner. And besides, he wasn’t interested in marriage either and he wanted to focus on his career.”

She crossed her arms in front of her chest. “You got saved this time, but it might not happen again. I don’t know how many times your parents are going to let it slide until they’ve had enough and force you into an arranged marriage.”

You cocked an eyebrow at her. “Isn’t this arranged anyway? Having to go on blind dates that they set me up with?”

“Yeah but you have a choice right now to say yes or no. What if next time you don’t get so lucky and they get fed up with you having to constantly reject every single one, and they force you into a marriage without your consent?”

You stilled, staring at Aera’s joyful face. Irene was right. There was a chance that you might not be lucky one day and be forced into a marriage without love. But you wanted to trust your parents that they’d let you choose your partner, no matter how long it’d take.

- ❀ -

You drove to your next blind date a few days later. Your hands gripped the steering wheel tightly as you ground your teeth, remembering back to your parents’ words the previous night. Even though your head was heated, you tried to focus on the calming music that played from the audio system in your car, safely driving down the streets without any road rage.

You parked the car in the near vacant lot and stepped out. The date was held yet again at a luxurious restaurant and you sighed.

At least it’s not as expensive looking like the past ones, you thought.

You grasped the golden handle and pushed it open. The lighting wasn’t too bright, just dim enough to create a cozy ambiance.

“Hello madam, are you F/N L/N?” The male inquired.

Bewildered, you nodded. “Yes. How did you know?”

He smiled politely. “The entire restaurant is currently booked for Mister Jung Jaehyun.”

You looked around and indeed found it unoccupied of customers, only spotting a male figure at the opposite end of the place, his back facing you at a table.

“Please come this way.”

You followed, your legs becoming heavier with every step and your heart pounded in your chest.

Please let everything go well with him, you prayed silently.

The server pulled out your chair and you sat down without giving your date a glance. Once you were settled, you then looked up and your breathing halted momentarily.

His soft eyes were trained on you, along with a smile accompanied by dimples so handsome that you almost swooned.

But good looks aren’t going to mean anything if there’s no love, you thought.

“It’s really nice to meet you, Y/N,” he greeted warmly.

You forced a smile out of courtesy. “Same here, Jaehyun.”

- ❀ -

“So how’s Jaehyun?” your mother asked with an vibrant smile.

You sighed. “Okay I guess.”

“So it’s a yes then,” your father stated.

You almost glared at him. “The date was okay. I didn’t feel anything with him.” Your palms were clenched tightly while you tried to slow your breathing down.

“Oh sweetie, you don’t have to feel anything for him. Love doesn’t have to happen right now. And Jaehyun’s a good boy. I’m sure he’ll make you happy,” your mother said.

You groaned quietly. “What if love never happens? He can’t make me happy if I don’t love him.”

“Your mother and I didn’t have any love in the beginning, but we learned to care for each other.”

“Caring is not the same as love.”

His hard gaze was locked on you. “It is.”

Grinding your teeth, you could never beat your father with his words.

Your father mentioned beforehand that if the date with Jaehyun also failed, then he was going to force you in a relationship with a man that you wouldn’t see until the day of the wedding. This meant that you were now, technically, arranged to marry Jaehyun.

You were at an age where your friends and relatives were already married, even having children. Your parents viewed societal expectations more important than your own, and so that resulted in you having to go on numerous blind dates with you fully prepared to turn down every single guy no matter what. You wanted to marry someone that you would love, and all the dates that your parents had set you up with were of men that met their ideal type as their future son-in-law.

The date with Jaehyun felt more awkward than with any previous ones. That was because with Jaehyun, you weren’t just there ready to reject him in the face as politely as possible, but you were trying to accept him as your future husband. While that would be something teenage you would squeal about in high school, you cringed greatly at that in your twenties. Your teenage self always dreamt of a grand wedding with the love of your life. But growing up, you accepted the reality. Not everyone was lucky to meet their love and the fact that you hadn’t met yours made you pessimistic.

Pessimistic that love wasn’t written in your fate.

So far, Jaehyun did seem like an okay guy and you could only wish that your feelings would grow for him, especially before the marriage date. Nothing about him upon first meeting had you dreading of a thing that you didn’t like in him. But... “Can I please seriously ask you something without you two being biased?”

Your parents looked a each other, embracing themselves for what you had to inquire. “Sure sweetie, what is it?”

You gulped down the bump forming in your throat. “What if I find out something bad about him before the wedding, or something I don’t like in him? Do I have to force myself to be with him still?” you asked with a puppy look to make your parents grow soft for you and agree.

A brief silence was what you were met with as they silently conversed with one another through their eyes. Your father released a long breath afterwards. “You have up until the time before the wedding invitations are distributed to give me a reason why you shouldn’t marry Jaehyun. And it must be a valid reason.”

- ❀ -

“Tae, are you even listening to me?”

His gaze was lowered onto the floating strawberries that swam around in his drink. “Yeah I am.” He took a long sip and smiled, humming in satisfaction. “Are you going to eat your pastry?”

You crossed your arms and leaned back in your seat. “You’re clearly not. My future is on the line and you want my pastry? You’re not even reacting to whatever I’m saying.”

He lifted his doe eyes onto you. “I am. But based on whatever you just said, the date didn’t sound like it went necessarily bad. All that happened was small talk and you two were silent most of the time.”

Your jaw dropped. “So now your gonna be on my parents’ side? Just because we were mostly silent doesn’t mean it didn’t go bad. What if we’re going to be like this after marriage? I can’t handle this awkwardness, Tae!”

“I’m not saying that I’m siding with your parents but give Jaehyun a chance. It was only the first meeting so obviously it’s going to feel awkward. Plus, based on the picture you showed me, he’s good looking.”

You blinked. “So?”

He shrugged, looking innocently at you. “Cute babies?”

“Shut up Lee Taeyong!”

He laughed, his head falling backward.

You sighed. “I can’t believe this. Why am I being forced into a marriage? Can’t they let me choose my partner?”

“They have been letting you for years, but you kept putting it off, Y/N.”

“Because I didn’t find the love of my life? I don’t like my parents’ choices where they always choose the one with money. I don’t want to marry a guy who’s only good with first impression but ends up being boring after marriage. I wanna meet someone like you, Tae. You’re so easy to love.”

Taeyong giggled. “I’m sure there are better guys out there than me.”

You rolled your eyes. “Please, you’re literally like the biggest cutest sweetheart on earth. I can’t even imagine someone beating your level. Irene is so lucky. If you didn’t fall in love with her, I would have asked for your hand in marriage,” you joked.

He shook his head, laughing hard. “Stop! You’re too much, Y/N. But don’t assume that all guys your parents try to set you up with are going to be boring. You don’t know the charms that Jaehyun’s carrying and before you know it, you’ll be falling for him.”

You sighed heavily. “Sounds too good to be true.”

He smiled sincerely. “Leave it up to your fate.” He looked behind you at the display case of the various baked goods before looking at your untouched pastry again. “So are you eating that or not?”

A smile tugged at your lips and you pushed your plate towards him. “Eat up. You need it more than me to keep up with the little angels in your home.”

After Taeyong devoured the chocolate tart, you both stepped out of the coffee shop with plans of heading over to the movies.

“I wish Irene could come with us, but the kids...” you trailed off.

Aera was only 9 months old and there was no way that little bundle would sit quietly for two hours unless she dozed off. Even if the problem was solved with Aera, Jinae was a year older and she was quite a curious and an energetic one. Though not more than Chunghee, the 4-year-old boy who was at the perfect age to be labeled as the troublemaker in the household.

“When I watch over the kids, you and Irene can have your girls night out. Or day, whatever time of the day it is.”

“Please make a vlog. I wanna see you struggle.”

Taeyong laughed. “Sorry to disappoint you but they love me more than Irene so they’re always listening to me.”

You rolled your eyes. “Maybe they’re scared of you.”

He clicked his tongue. “I’m sure they’re scared of Irene.”

You giggled. “I can see that being the case more.”

After paying for the tickets, you and Taeyong walked in the direction of the designated auditorium. Halfway through, Taeyong halted. “Awe man!”

“What is it?”

“I want sweet potato chips. But the vending machines aren’t here anymore,” he pouted.

You pondered for a bit, recalling back to the food counter by the entrance. “I think I saw them selling it at the front.”

His eyes brightened. “Really? Okay stay right here. I’ll be back soon.” He sprinted off in the next second, leaving you amused by his usual childlike behaviour. You pulled your phone out to entertain yourself for the time being.

“Y/N?” A deep voice called out your name and you looked up to find the man that you were unexpectedly seeing for the second time. Your body tensed hearing his voice again, and your heart skipped a beat when your eyes landed on his outfit. It was nice to see Jaehyun wear denim, something outside of the formal attire at the restaurant. In his hands was a container full of popcorn.

“Oh Jaehyun. What a surprise,” you awkwardly chuckled.

He grinned at you. “It is. Are you here alone?”

You shook your head. “No, my friend went to get some snacks. Are you?”

“My friend had to go do something. I was waiting for him until I saw you from the distance.”

Right on cue, a tall man appeared beside Jaehyun and genuinely smiled at you. “Oh, hi there. I’m Johnny.”

You gave him a tight smile. “I’m Y/N.”

His eyes went wide. “Y/N?” He turned to Jaehyun and repeated. “Y/N?” Johnny raised his eyebrows incredulously. He received a nod from Jaehyun and faced you again. “Oh my goodness. I heard about you and it’s seriously a pleasure to meet you.”

“Huh?”

He laughed at your puzzled expression while Jaehyun avoided your gaze nervously, his cheeks dusting pink. “It’s nice to see Jaehyun talk about something other than his work. He’s so devoted to his work that he sometimes forgets to chill out.”

Your heart fell at his words.

Devoted to his work.

You were not into men who were so passionate about their work that they’d forget about their well being. And not just well being, but they’d spend less time with their significant other.

Taeyong used to be like that until Irene was diagnosed with postpartum depression. He then took time off from work for Irene’s recovery. With his full attention on her and taking care of their first-born, Irene fully recovered with the prescribed treatments and Taeyong’s love, and you were relieved that the illness didn’t come back with Jinae and Aera.

You weren’t necessarily afraid of what happened to Irene. Taeyong had to get back to work after Irene’s recovery and they were able to pull through because there was love and understanding between them. There was no love between you and Jaehyun, and so your relationship, whatever little there was, had to depend on understanding one another. And that was going to be difficult when you weren’t interested in the man.

You pursed your lip, anxiously waiting for your friend’s return.

And finally he did with three bags of chips in his arms. “Sorry I took long. Oh! Jaehyun, right? Hi, I’m Taeyong. And you must be his friend, am I right?” he asked the taller one, shaking his hand.

“Yes, the name is Johnny. Nice to meet you, Taeyong. And boy, you have some strength.” Johnny was always the one with the most amount of strength. Therefore, having to meet someone who possessed nearly the same amount was impressive to him.

Taeyong chuckled. “Well I definitely do need it when having to look after my kids.”

It was a coincidence that the other two were there to watch the same movie as you. Taeyong suggested for them to sit with you two, and you sent your friend a small glare to which he responded with a smirk.

That was how you ended up sitting beside Taeyong and Jaehyun, squirming a little in your seat. During the advertisements, you noticed a popcorn container being offered to you by none other than your future husband. And you felt a slight pang in your heart.

“Sorry but I don’t like popcorn,” you admitted.

He was taken aback slightly before nodding and placed his popcorn on his lap, all while avoiding your gaze. You felt a bit bad. He was trying to be nice to you, but you weren’t going to force yourself to eat something that you weren’t a fan of.

Right after, Taeyong offered you his snack. You loved sweet potato chips, being the one to actually introduce it to your friend and you were proud to have him addicted to them. You took hold of the bag entirely, hearing a whine from him. You munched on the chips and hummed happily.

Jaehyun observed this and felt a stab of jealousy.

- ❀ -

“Jinae!” you beamed at the little girl waddling up to your open arms. You picked her up and swung her around in circles, making her laugh cheerfully.

“Wow Jinae, you really betrayed papa for Y/N auntie,” Taeyong sulked.

You stuck your tongue out playfully at him and pecked Jinae on her squishy cheek.

Chunghee ran up to his dad, crying with teary eyes. “Aigoo, what happened?” Taeyong kneeled down to meet his son’s level.

“Mama force me fruits!” he wailed.

Taeyong closed his eyes. “I should have known Ten uncle was going to be a bad influence on you,” he muttered.

“I can’t believe you trusted Ten with Chunghee. Wasn’t it only for an hour?”

He nodded in response and wiped the little boy’s tears away, kissing his forehead and picking him up with his strong arms. He carried Chunghee off to the bedroom while you sat down on the couch with Jinae in your lap.

“Don’t become like your brother and eat fruits, okay? Don’t stress your papa out.”

“Eung,” she responded in promise. You smiled at her and ruffled her hair, earning a smile from the baby.

Your phone vibrated in your pocket, moving Jinae down beside you. You pulled it out that displayed Jaehyun’s name on the screen. Right after the movie ended, you bid Jaehyun and his friend a quick bye and dragged Taeyong out the theaters, not giving a chance for small talk.

You hesitantly answered the call and pressed the phone against your ear. “Hello?”

“Hi Y/N,” he greeted softly. “Are you busy tomorrow?”

You chewed on your bottom lip, guessing where that question would lead to.

A date.

As much as you wanted to lie and avoid him, it ultimately wasn’t going to do any good for anyone, including yourself. Spending more time with him meant more opportunities to find a flaw in him.

“Um, yeah- I mean no! I’m not free- I mean I AM free... tomorrow. Haha.” You wanted to slap yourself in the head.

If it weren’t for the silence on both ends, you would have missed the almost inaudible giggle from him. “Can I come pick you up tomorrow around lunchtime? For a date?”

“Sure, yeah, sounds great,” you smiled awkwardly.

“Great. I’ll see you tomorrow, Y/N.”

Once the call ended, you were ready to chuck your phone across the room before tossing it next to you and slumped against the couch, physically cringing at how the conversation went. Jinae curiously watched you, her baby lips forming an ‘oh’ followed by her eyes crinkling in amusement.

- ❀ -

The doorbell rang to your home, which your mother giddily ran up to the front. A smiling Jaehyun was revealed on the other side who held a bouquet of warm-coloured flowers.

“Hello Mrs. L/N.”

“Jaehyun! Lovely to see you. Come on in now,” she ushered him inside.

Jaehyun’s eyes wandered around the interior design of the house, catching sight of the wall with framed photos of your life, ranging from your birth to your graduation. The smile tugging at his lips was enough to have your mother beam at him.

“Y/N has always been such as adorable girl. Isn’t she pretty?” She cooed at the pictures of little you laugh towards the camera, your pupils hidden behind your closed eyelids.

Jaehyun felt something in his heart. When he first saw you at the restaurant, he thought you were more beautiful in person. The surprise encounter at the movies had his heart skipping a beat. Standing in front of a collage containing various stages of your life made his heart flutter, feeling butterflies in his stomach. He really liked you and wished everything would go well with this marriage.

“She’s beautiful,” he replied with sparkling eyes.

You stood hidden away behind a wall, eavesdropping. To say you felt embarrassed was an understatement. You cringed on the inside every time someone walked into the house and stared at your pictures. You never liked the idea, but you didn’t have a say in it as it was your parents’ house after all.

To hear your future husband call you beautiful after seeing those photos had heat threatening to burn your cheeks and a warm feeling spread in your chest.

“Jaehyun, can I ask you something?” your mother asked.

“Of course.”

She swallowed before parting her lips. “You see, Y/N’s been trying to put off her marriage for a while and I’m not sure exactly how she’s treating you.”

He nodded, comprehending her words clearly. During the first date, he noticed your jitteriness and near lack of liveliness to continue the conversation as if you weren’t interested in him at all, and that hurt him. To see you interact with your friend in a brighter manner made him jealous. Jealous that you wouldn’t see him like the way you would with Taeyong. Though he understood that your relationship with him was new and he was willing to give you all the time you needed to become comfortable with him one day.

“While her father and I made her give you a chance, you’re not obligated to be forced into this marriage if you’re not happy. If you ever want to back out, I ask you to do it only because you’re feeling that way. Not because of Y/N. I really think you’re a perfect match for her and I’m sure it’ll take time before you can fully win her heart.”

You gulped upon hearing your mother say all that to Jaehyun. This meant that if Jaehyun didn’t like something about you, he could back out of the alliance. Your brain celebrated in near victory that it wasn’t going to be a fully forced marriage, as both the bride- and groom-to-be had your voices free, increasing the chances for either of you to call off the wedding.

“I understand. Don’t worry. I’ll take good care of Y/N,” Jaehyun assured.

You stepped out, walking up to where they both stood. He caught sight of you and sent you a charming smile, his dimples on full display.

You on the other hand grew curious of the bouquet in his grasp. He realized what you were staring at and grew flustered.

“Oh sorry!” He seemed like he was in a dilemma, whether to hand the bunch over to you or your mother, opting for the latter. “I-I brought these for your home,” he stuttered with the tips of his ears turning red.

Your mother giggled at his behaviour. “Oh thank you, Jaehyun. I thought you were giving those to Y/N. Seems like you got distracted by pictures of baby Y/N,” she teased.

Both yours and Jaehyun’s cheeks burned at your mother’s words.

After saying bye to your mother, Jaehyun beat you to opening the passenger door, holding it wide open for you to get in. You thanked him with a tight smile.

He had one hand on the steering wheel while the other fumbled around with the stereo, a song played softly in the background as he focused both on the road and on your tensed figure.

“I know this ramen place if you’re interested,” he spoke after some time.

You remembered mentioning to him in your small talk that you loved to eat ramen. Having him remembering the small detail made you feel a spark inside. “Ramen sounds great.” And what felt like the first time when being with Jaehyun, a small smile slowly spilled onto your face, not going unnoticed by the one beside you.

After two sets of bowls arrived at your table, your eyes drunk in the beautiful arrangement of the toppings on the noodles. You were about to pick up your chopsticks until Jaehyun stopped you. “Don’t touch yours just yet.”

You blinked at him confusedly yet stilled.

Grabbing his chopsticks in each hand, he worked with his bowl, mixing the pieces of vegetables and meats into the broth, folding the noodles on top. Once done, he laid down the chopsticks in its holder and switched his touched bowl with your untouched one.

You stared at your meal, surprised that such a simple action had your insides squealing with a fuzzy feeling. “Thank you,” you muttered, a bashful smile tugging at your lips.

He felt pleased with himself to make you feel that way and hoped he could continue doing so in the future. “No problem.”

Both of you dug into your noodles, slurped up the remaining broth once finished. You were glad that Jaehyun brought you for a casual lunch where you didn’t have to worry about manners and etiquettes as that sort of stuff did not go with ramen.

He later suggested a walk in the park in order to digest your full bellies. The weather was perfect, the sun blazing down onto your head and you were glad to have chosen a light-coloured outfit. Summer was nearing and soon enough, you were craving for a frozen dessert.

“Do you want something refreshing?” Jaehyun asked, almost like he read your thought.

“That sounds nice. Ice cream?” You pointed at the ice cream stall from afar.

He followed your finger and turned back to you, dimples reappearing. “Sure. Let’s go.”

Both your steps were synced, and he craved to hold your dangling hand. Craved to have his first ever physical touch with you. But he was worried if it was too soon and clenched his hands into fists to stop himself.

Approaching the stall, you read the long list of flavours, cheering internally when reading your favourites. “I’ll have a scoop of cherry and green tea each.”

Jaehyun turned to you with a look of mild surprise. “You like green tea?”

His face was unreadable so you couldn’t figure out whether he liked that or not. “Yeah, I love green tea. Why?”

He blinked before forming a blinding smile. “I love green tea too.”

After the ice cream date, Jaehyun drove you back home, parking his car in front of your house. He was surprised to see his parents’ vehicle in the driveway. “My parents are here.”

You nodded wordlessly. Your parents didn’t mention anything about a meet up between the two families. They only knew that you were going out with Jaehyun. “Let’s both go in.”

When you strolled into the living room with Jaehyun behind you, laughter was heard as the folks shared stories of you two.

“What’s going on?” you asked.

The eyes of a woman, who you assumed was Jaehyun’s mother, lightened up. “Oh Y/N! It’s so nice to finally meet you.” She pulled you into a crushing hug, which you tried to reciprocate with your locked arms.

“Same here,” you chuckled breathlessly.

She pulled back and beamed at you, eager to spill the breaking news. “We finalized your engagement date.”

All the colour had drained from your face and you took a quick side glance at your parents. They knew that you weren’t going to be happy with the news and had hidden it from you. “When?” you asked.

You were somewhat glad that the woman in front of you didn’t notice your fallen face. “In two weeks. And after that happens, we’ll decide on the marriage date.”

This was happening way too fast for your liking. Even though it was just an engagement, why were they so eager for it to happen quickly? “Isn’t two weeks a little too early? We’re still trying to get to know each other,” you reasoned.

Your future mother-in-law’s excitement didn’t falter the slightest bit. “Nonsense. I’ve heard that this is your third time seeing each other. And I’m sure that if you keep meeting up, you’ll have a better idea of each other by the time of the engagement. Plus, the date falls on my birthday and it would mean the world if my gift happened to be my son’s and future daughter-in-law’s engagement.”

You understood her feelings, and she was right. Two weeks should give you a better idea of Jaehyun, give you time to grow your feelings for him if you could. And it was only an engagement. A marriage in two weeks would have been more devastating.

You stared long at your father, silently pleading for him to still remember the condition set. Sensing that he knew what your eyes were trying to convey, he simply gave you a curt nod. Meanwhile, Jaehyun met your mother’s hopeful gaze, who offered him a tight smile, wishing that everything would go well between him and her daughter. You noticed your mother’s eyes being trained behind you and turned to the man. He observed the worried expression plastered on your face, his heart breaking a little at the thought of you not being excited for the marriage like the way he was.

- ❀ -

“Y/N! Please be our angel and help us out,” Taeyong pleaded over the phone.

“Of course I will. Why wouldn’t I?”

A moment of silence before he replied, “Because of what I’m about to suggest to you?”

After the phone call ended, you lied down on your bed, not believing your fate. Though it wasn’t actually all fate. This was Taeyong partly trying to play cupid.

Both Taeyong and Irene had to go out of town for the entire weekend, including their parents. But children were not allowed at the event, and their babysitter also happened to fall ill, leaving them with no other backup than have you look after the three children. You had never taken care of three children at once and he knew you were going to need a helping hand. And that was when Taeyong suggested that you babysat the three with Jaehyun.

Your fingers hovered over the screen before pressing on Jaehyun’s number. You had met up with him the past week, for casual hangouts and meals. Yet nothing much had happened in terms of you growing feelings for the said man. The engagement was exactly a week away, and you accepted your fate of having to wear a silver ring as you failed to find a flaw in him.

“Y/N?” Jaehyun sounded quite surprised that you called him for the very first time when it had always been him initiating it.

“Haha yes, it’s me.” You really wanted to hit yourself for still sounding awkward with him. “I actually called to ask you... like are you busy this weekend? I mean including overnight.”

“No, I’m not busy. What is it?”

“Are you okay to babysit kids with me?”

“Kids? Well yes, but whose kids are you talking about?” Jaehyun was ecstatic to spend the weekend with you, even if it meant having to look after some children. He was good with children and hoped he could get closer to you through this.

“They’re Taeyong’s kids. Remember Taeyong the one you met at the movies? Him and his wife are going to be away for the weekend, and he asked me to babysit them with you because there’s three of them. It’s for two days and we’ll have to stay at their house overnight. Is that okay?”

I am more than okay with the plan! Jaehyun thought. But to not scare you, he pushed down the excitement bubbling in his chest and calmly answered, “Yeah that’s fine. No worries.”

- ❀ -

Before you could even ring the bell, the door opened, revealing an overly joyful Taeyong. He threw himself on you, hugging you tightly and you laughed at him. He did the same to Jaehyun, flustering him greatly. “Thank you so much for coming, Jaehyun. Come in and leave your bags over here.”

Putting down your duffel bag to the side, you found Irene sitting on the couch with Aera in her baby walker. The baby squealed upon seeing you, bouncing on her tiny knees. “Hi Jaehyun. Thank you so much for helping out. I’m Irene.”

Jaehyun smiled at her. “Nice to meet you, Irene. And it’s no problem at all.” Taeyong led Jaehyun to the kitchen to explain the procedures that you had already memorized from the numerous times you had visited them.

“You two are literally our lifesavers,” Irene said to you.

You laughed. “It’s nothing. I’m sure it’s going to be fun with the kids.” And not as awkward with Jaehyun around, you thought.

She shook her head. “We’re leaving you two with a challenge, and Chunghee is going to be a real troublemaker for that.”

After an hour later, Taeyong and Irene finally left after placing a ton of kisses all over their youngest daughter. Aera was the only one awake at that time while the other two slept. Once you locked the door, you turned around to find Jaehyun introducing himself to the little one.

“Hi Aera, my name is Jaehyun, but you can call me Jae uncle. Let’s be friends, hmm?” Aera bounced on her knees again, beaming at him and did her signature baby laugh.

The adorable interaction between Jaehyun and the baby girl made your heart melt.

Shortly before a loud wail was heard down the far end of the hall.

“Oh that sounds like Jinae. I’ll go get her,” you said. Jaehyun gave you a nod complemented with a smile. Aera let out a high-pitched shriek to grab the uncle’s attention again.

On your way to Jinae, Chunghee sprinted past you into the living room, his doe eyes searching for his parents and instead was met with an unknown man sitting beside his sister.

“You must be Chunghee, right?” The little boy nodded with confusion written on his face. “I’m Jaehyun. Jae uncle you can call me.”

“Where’s mama and papa?”

“They already left. They’ll be back tomorrow.”

Chunghee hummed and walked over to the uncle, sitting beside his sister. “Are you auntie’s boyfwiend?” he asked.

The curiosity had pink paint over Jaehyun’s cheeks. He didn’t know what to call the relationship to a four-year-old. “Not boyfriend exactly but we’re getting married.”

Chunghee blankly stared at Jaehyun. “Do you like each other?”

Jaehyun’s breathing halted for a second. “Um, yeah but not really. I mean- I like her, but I don’t know what she feels.”

You walked back in the room, noticing a calm Chunghee trying to process something into his small developing brain, while Jaehyun sat with a faint blush covering his cheeks. Jinae had stopped crying as soon as her little eyes landed on you and fell back to sleep in your arms. You gently laid Jinae down on the couch and recalled the first mission that your friends gave you.

Have Jinae and Chunghee eat fruits.

Jinae was sleeping soundlessly so that meant Chunghee was going to be the first one to eat them, and that was the real mission.

“I’ll cut up some snacks,” you said.

Jaehyun got up to his feet. “I’ll cut them. You can relax with them.” He knew what snacks you were referring to, sending you a comforting smile before dashing off to the kitchen.

“Auntie?” Chunghee called out.

“Hm?”

“Do you like uncle?”

Flustered, you asked, “Why are you asking me that?”

“Uncle like you. But he not boyfwiend. And you gonna marry him.”

What?

Jaehyun liked you?

“Jaehyun uncle told you this?”

He nodded.

Jaehyun likes you, you thought repeatedly in your head. 

But it didn’t mean anything when you didn’t feel the same way.

After a few minutes, the said man returned with a plate of fruit varieties chopped up into small pieces. “Okay Chunghee, eat up.” He placed the plate on the foam mat covering the floor, away from Aera in case her baby walker bulldozed over the snacks.

The little boy huffed and crossed his tiny arms. “No fruits!”

“It’s going to be difficult feeding him fruits. We’ll have to figure out a way to get him desperate to eat them,” you mentioned. You picked up this idea from a movie you watched a while back and the tactic worked on the child in the film.

Jaehyun nodded and in a gentle tone told Chunghee, “I’ll keep this out in case you change your mind and become hungry. Okay?”

“But you’re not going to get any other food until you eat these,” you added sternly, hoping the strictness in your voice would have Chunghee obey.

Chunghee’s scowl faltered, not believing your words. “You won’t do that,” he responded but there was a hint of shakiness in his words.

Jaehyun went with your flow. “We don’t want to but we’ll have to,” he ended the supposed scary words with a smile to not scare the little boy too much.

The rest of the day went on with Jinae getting along well with Jaehyun, Aera sleeping shortly, and Chunghee frowning. He was the only one remaining who hadn’t touched the fruits yet and you grew concerned. Dinnertime was fast approaching and if the boy didn’t get a proper meal, then he was going to throw a tantrum.

Jaehyun offered to cook for everyone and you were surprised that he took up the task solely. “Are you sure? I can help,” you offered.

He hesitated for a moment, thinking about something briefly before he raised his hand to cup your face delicately, smiling at you. “Don’t worry. I got this,” he breathed out quietly. He retracted his and made his way towards the kitchen. Little did both of you know the true effect that the small touch had on the other, both of your hearts beating erratically as Jaehyun hurriedly hid in the kitchen while you stood frozen in your spot.

Four bowls of food were set on the table. For you, Jaehyun, Jinae, and Aera (though baby safe).

“Woa!” Jinae exclaimed before digging into her food with her baby chopsticks. Jaehyun began feeding Aera spoonfuls in the form of an airplane swooshing in the air, making Aera squeal joyfully. You stifled back a laugh from how funny Jaehyun looked doing that.

Hearing a faint grumble beside you, you anxiously glanced at Chunghee. The plate consisting of his share of fruits was left abandoned in the living room. “Where’s my food?” he asked.

“You know the deal. First fruits, then food,” you answered.

Chunghee couldn’t believe his ears. His parents had always given up eventually, no matter how hard they tried to get him to eat the naturally sweet products. “I. Want. Food!” he screamed.

This caused Aera to start crying and Jinae to stop eating her food altogether. You gave Jinae a side hug, rubbing her arm and let out a deep sigh. “Chunghee, if you’re going to keep this up, go into the living room. Let your sisters eat. It’s not their fault that you don’t want to eat something that Jinae already had.”

Tears welled up in the boy’s eyes. “You’re so mean!” he yelled and ran into the said room.

Jaehyun wiped Aera’s tears away and picked her up to soothe her, calmly her down shortly. “We’ll have to think of something else,” he told you.

“I don’t understand why Chunghee has such a huge problem with fruits,” you spoke. “He became like this ever since Ten looked after him one time.”

Jaehyun took in what you said, his mind raking up on a solution. “I think I can figure this problem out. Can you feed Aera while I go see him?”

You nodded. “Of course.”

Jaehyun found the little boy whimpering quietly as he hugged his legs to his chest. Chunghee’s sad eyes made Jaehyun feel a twinge in his heart. If there was something else behind it like a fear, he would have opted for a better solution.

Jaehyun sat down beside him. “I’m sorry,” he spoke tenderly.

The boy stayed put and sniffed, letting tears slide down his reddened cheeks. Jaehyun wiped his tears away with his thumbs.

“What’s wrong, Chunghee? Why won’t you eat fruits?”

Chunghee was still upset with his auntie and uncle, and so he didn’t respond back.

“How can I help you if you don’t tell me? Did Ten uncle say something bad about it?”

Those words stirred something inside the boy and he let his guard down. “Yeah,” he mumbled.

Bullseye. Jaehyun felt like he was close to solving the problem. “What did he say?”

Chunghee finally looked at the uncle with glistening eyes and answered, “Fruits will grow in my stomach.”

Fruits...

What?

Bewildered Jaehyun tried to compose himself before confirming. “So you won’t eat fruits because you’re scared that fruits will grow in your stomach?”

A nod.

Jaehyun faced away from the naïve boy and a smile threatened to spill onto his face. He was amused by the boy’s innocent fear, but at the same time he wanted to meet this Ten guy and smack him for installing the fear into the poor child. He turned serious again and softly said, “Chunghee, don’t worry because that’s not true. If it was, wouldn’t everyone be scared to eat it? Auntie and I wouldn’t have eaten it earlier if that was true. You saw us eat it, right?”

A glimmer of hope sparkled in his doe eyes. “It’s not?”

He smiled. “It’s not.”

“But seeds...”

“Yes, there are fruit seeds that you shouldn’t eat. But if you accidentally eat those, then they’ll come out of you when you go for a potty,” Jaehyun said, ruffling the boy’s hair. A smile finally emerged onto the little boy’s face and they laughed. “So are you going to trust us and your parents now to eat fruits?”

Chunghee hopped off the couch and grabbed the abandoned plate, at last popping a piece of chopped strawberry into his mouth. “I will.”

You were shocked to say the least for the boy to have finished up all the remaining fruits and had his meal with his siblings. You gave Jaehyun a questioning look, to which he smiled and mouthed ‘later.’

After a bit of playing around to digest the meal, you tucked Jinae and Chunghee in bed and walked back into the living room and found Jaehyun carrying Aera in the baby carrier, soothing her to sleep. Aera’s bed was separate from her older siblings as she needed more attention from adults. Thus, her bed was in the same room as Taeyong’s and Irene’s.

You thought back to your day spent with Jaehyun and the kids, amazed by how great Jaehyun was with small children. From looking after Aera to playing with Jinae to making Chunghee eat fruits. He really was going to be a great father one day. But was he going to be the father of your children?

Cute babies. Taeyong’s words echoed in your head.

With Jaehyun’s looks, there was no doubt about that. But did you really care about that? No. All babies were adorable no matter what. 

Uncle like you. Chunghee’s words rang in your head just then, and you didn’t realize you were staring at him until he stared back at you, shaking you out of your thoughts. Clearing your throat, you spoke up an issue. “So Taeyong and Irene only have one bed, same room as Aera’s so...” you trailed off, not sure how Jaehyun was going to take that in.

He nodded, not displaying any emotions. “I can sleep on the couch here. You can take the bed.”

Your eyes widened. “No! I didn’t mean- I mean... we should probably start becoming comfortable with each other, you know?”

His lips formed a small ‘oh.’ “Are you sure you’re okay with it?” He didn’t want you to force yourself and feel uneasy.

This was your future husband for goodness sake. You had to become comfortable with him at one point in your life. “Yeah, I feel like I can trust you, especially since Aera will be in the same room too. Haha.” There you went sounding awkward again.

Jaehyun bit back a smile and nodded. “As long as you’re okay with it.”

In the bedroom, Jaehyun carefully laid sleeping Aera in her bed while you settled yourself on one side of the bed, facing away from Jaehyun’s side. You were glad that your friends selected a king-sized bed, giving you ample of space to maintain a comfortable distance from him. Jaehyun got under the shared blanket and before he switched off the nightlamp, he softly called for you. “Y/N?”

“Hm?”

He silently drunk in the scene in his view. You next to him, a baby in her own bed, almost like a small family ready to doze off to dreamland. He wished this was what his future would look like, though only with you in it. “I really like you, Y/N,” he confessed and right away turned off the remaining light source, leaving your heart to hammer loudly in the dark.

- ❀ -

“Papa!” Chunghee ran into Taeyong’s open arms.

“My baby! Mwah,” Taeyong smooched the boy’s cheek with a wet kiss, making Chunghee shriek and run away.

Aera beamed in your arms upon seeing her mama’s face, making Irene take hold of the youngest and planted a haste kiss on her forehead.

Jinae waddled up to her papa, babbling for him to do the same with her as her super tiny arms rose up, asking to be picking up. Taeyong laughed and submitted, smooching a huge kiss onto her chubby cheek.

“How did it go? I hope the kids didn’t trouble you too much,” Irene said.

Jaehyun shook his head. “They didn’t trouble us. We managed to get Chunghee to eat fruits.”

Shock registered on Taeyong and Irene. “Did you just say Chunghee ate fruits?” Irene asked.

Chunghee beamed. “I did mama!”

Taeyong nodded his head slowly, letting the news settle in his brain. “Let me take you two out. As thanks for babysitting them and completing the mission.”

- ❀ -

Taeyong drove you and Jaehyun to his favourite coffee shop, the one you frequently visited with him that sold the most delectable pastries.

“I cannot believe I didn’t think about him having a fear, which makes sense because Ten also has a fear,” Taeyong said and took a bite of his strawberry Danish.

“Does Ten have the same fear?” Jaehyun asked.

You shook your head. “Nope. Apparently for Ten, it’s because fruits just look scary. I kind of find it funny that Ten thought of the whole seed thing and it grows in your stomach. It sounds so real and I’m sure a lot of people had that thought once in their life.”

Taeyong stopped chewing, a thought clicking to him. “You know Ten isn’t exactly wrong.”

Both you and Jaehyun stared at Taeyong, waiting for him to elaborate.

“How else do you make babies?”

“Lee Taeyong!” you yelled and slammed your hands on the table out of sheer embarrassment.

His laughter resonated in the café while Jaehyun’s cheeks burned red.

You grabbed Taeyong’s strawberry acai lemonade, taking huge sips of it as retribution. He whined and successfully retrieved it from you, shielding his body with it so that you wouldn’t steal it from him again.

You pouted. “Hey! I want some too!”

Taeyong took a quick glance at the silent one across from you, noting how Jaehyun’s eyes were masked with a hint of jealousy as he watched you be your playful self with your friend. Taeyong then met your eyes and nodded in Jaehyun’s direction. You frowned, not understanding what he was trying to hint at you. He casted his eyes on Jaehyun’s drink and later raised his own to take a sip. That was when it clicked you.

Your lips parted in surprise and turned to focus on the man across from you. His eyes were trained on swirling his drink with the straw. You cleared your throat, hoping you weren’t going to sound awkward. And of course, you failed. “Um, Jaehyun, can I um... try your drink?”

Jaehyun froze and lifted his gaze slowly. “Yeah of course,” he replied quietly and pushed his drink in your direction. You pressed your lips together on the straw, sipping the iced caramel macchiato. “Mmm,” you moaned. “This tastes better than Taeyong’s.”

“Hey! Don’t insult my drink!”

You laughed and stuck your tongue out at him while Jaehyun stared at you with a growing tender smile, super pleased that you liked his drink.

- ❀ -

[Two months later]

For the long weekend ahead of you, Taeyong and Irene planned a trip for you and Jaehyun to a rental vacation home. Now that you were engaged, Taeyong reasoned that a bachelor and bachelorette trip was a must. You were super grateful that your two friends also tagged along after dropping the kids off at Taeyong’s parents’ house.

It had been over a month ever since the engagement and even more hangouts, yet you still felt a little awkward with Jaehyun. After all, he was the man that you were eventually getting married to and you didn’t have any strong feelings of love for him.

Even if you did, you didn’t realize it.

Once arriving at the vacation home in the rental car, you were stunned by its exterior design. The neatly trimmed grass with small evergreen shrubs ran along the edges of the huge light up swimming pool, located off to the side from the entrance. The pool was surrounded by floor-to-ceiling rooms of the house, giving a few rooms a full view of the amenity. Even though you weren’t a fan of luxury, spending three days at that specific rental home sounded exciting.

The interior was just as jaw-dropping as the exterior and you spent the next few minutes walking around, familiarizing with the layout and where everything was located. Your friends and your fiancé were already sitting in the living room.

“This place is so cool!” you grinned.

“I’m glad you love it. Irene found this so it’s all thanks to her,” Taeyong said and pecked his wife on the cheek.

Irene squirmed. “Hey! Not in front of the kids!” she scolded her childlike husband.

You quirked an eyebrow up. “Excuse me? I am not a child.”

“You still are considered one until you’re married and have kids,” Taeyong stated.

You rolled your eyes at his words. He was right, and you felt like that with the way they treated you at times.

When the sun reached its peak midday, the four of you got into the vehicle and drove over to the closest supermarket with plans of stocking up on food and alcoholic drinks. You decided to split up into two groups, making Jaehyun hang around Taeyong while you walked with Irene.

Jaehyun pushed the cart into one of the aisles, containing a variety of pasta and sauces. “Can I make Italian for dinner tonight?” he asked.

Taeyong nodded. “Of course. Do you like Mexican? I can make that tomorrow.” Jaehyun nodded, giving him a weak smile. Taeyong noticed it and asked, “Is something wrong? It’s okay if you don’t like Mexican.”

Jaehyun stopped pushing the cart. “No, it’s not that. I...”

Taeyong waited patiently.

Jaehyun pressed his lips together before continuing. “I’ll tell you later.”

Meanwhile, you and Irene dumped whatever caught your sight into the cart.

“Y/N? Can I ask you something seriously?”

You let out a hum as a yes.

“How do you really feel about Jaehyun?”

You suddenly forgot how to read the labels on the shelves. Facing her, all that came out of your mouth was a ‘huh?’

Irene slowly repeated yourself, as if you had a hard time comprehending her words. “How do you feel with the engagement ring on your hand that Jaehyun put on? I’ve been seriously observing you the past months. Your actions, your words. Never do you talk about Jaehyun and you still act like you’re new with him.”

You blankly stared at the sparkling diamond ring resting on your third finger. Irene was right. You never talked about him, not giving him much of an interest. It was as if you had gotten used to having around him for the sake of your future being tied with his. “I don’t really know, Irene. I mean I do at times feel like I have a small crush on him. He is a good guy, but I don’t... I don’t know. Even though he already confessed to me that he likes me. Plus, he’s really calm...”

Irene was silent for a moment. “He is. But do you ever notice the way he’s like around you?”

You blinked confusedly. “What?”

“He’s always looking at you. I mean not in a creepy way. But he’s always smiling around you. Taeyong tells me how you don’t notice the little things with him and it sounds like Jaehyun gets jealous? Everyone has their own way of expressing themselves, expressing their love for their significant other. Jaehyun might not be obvious like Taeyong, but that doesn’t mean his love for you isn’t there.”

- ❀ -

Arriving back with the trunk full of groceries, it was finally time for Taeyong to have fun. Once all the groceries were put away in the kitchen, Taeyong sprinted out the glass doors, screaming high-pitched, and jumped into the swimming pool.

You laughed. “He really jumped in fully clothed.”

Irene sighed, walking over to him. “Sometimes I wonder if I’m a mother of four kids.” When Taeyong’s head popped up, she bent down close to the edge. “You should have at least changed into your swimming clothes,” she scolded.

With a mischievous glint in his eyes, he caught Irene off guard by pulling her into the water. She yelped, losing balance due to his strength, and felt the cold water hit her skin. “Taeyong! Are you crazy?” she yelled.

He laughed, pulling her into his arms. “I’m crazy for you, baby,” and smooched a wet kiss on her cheek.

You and Jaehyun ended up watching their adorable interaction from the sidelines of the pool and just then, Irene’s words voiced in your head.

Jaehyun might not be obvious like Taeyong, but that doesn’t mean his love for you isn’t there.

“Jaehyun?”

He turned to you. “Yes?”

“Do you know how to swim?”

He nodded. “Yeah I do.”

You pursed your lips. “I’m sorry.”

“For wha-”

You pushed him into the pool with all your strength, clutching your stomach as you laughed hard after he resurfaced. He gave you an amused smile with his hands on his hips. He loved that you were happily laughing at him, loved seeing you finally become playful with him.

“You know Y/N, it’s not fair that you’re the only one outside the pool,” Jaehyun teased you.

You agreed and backed up a few steps before running and jumping into the water. When your head resurfaced, you began splashing water on Jaehyun, to which he let out a hearty laugh and copied your actions.

Taeyong and Irene looked between you two in shock and then at each other. The husband took this opportunity to plant another huge fat kiss on his wife’s cheek, making her yelp again.

When the sky turned a shade darker and the hot humid air shifted slightly chillier, the four of you headed back inside to dry up. Of course, you were bound to share the bedroom with your fiancé, thankful of having previous experience with that. Jaehyun kindly let you use the room first, giving you privacy while he lazed on the outdoor chair, letting the sunset dry him up as much as it could before taking the matter in his own hands.

You stepped out of the ensuite bathroom, the covers of the floor-to-ceiling windows completely raised up and you spotted Jaehyun immediately. Knocking on the window, you got his attention right away and cued him that it was his turn.

Just like Jaehyun gave you privacy, you did the same for him.

You settled for the living room, the biggest area in the house. Taeyong and Irene were nowhere in sight, leaving you to entertain yourself. When you dug your hands into your pockets, you realized that your phone was forgotten in the bedroom.

If it was Irene or Taeyong in the room, you would have walked right in. But you stood outside the closed door, shifting on your feet and debating heavily as to what your next action should be. Knocking would be appropriate but this was your fiancé for heaven’s sake. You shouldn’t be knocking on the door for permission when this sort of thing was going to become a regular thing in the future.

You grabbed the doorknob, turning it clockwise and pushed it opened slightly. Your head peeked in, searching for him. When you couldn’t, thinking that he was already in the bathroom, you walked in cautiously. Right before you passed the bathroom, the door opened and out walked Jaehyun. His jeans and hair were still damp from the event earlier.

But what had you two react the way you did after was for the fact that he held his damp shirt in his hand, leaving his abs on fully display.

The speed at which both his and your eyes enlarged and twirled away from one another would make anyone think that both of you were not in a relationship. Let along engaged.

“Sorry. I didn’t know you were here,” he said and quickly put on his shirt. “I put my shirt on. You can turn around now.”

You let out an inaudible breath and turned, slightly disappointed to not see his abs anymore. “I’m sorry. I should have knocked but I thought... um...” You lost your words when a smile tugged at the ends of his lips.

“It’s okay. I’m glad you were comfortable enough to do that.”

You weren’t aware that your fiancé was in charge of dinner that night and was surprised to learn how much of a great chef Jaehyun was, even better than Taeyong as shocking as it sounded. Yes, he did cook before when babysitting but that was children-friendly, unlike the elegant cuisine of your favourite Italian dish that you had eaten in your first ever date with him.

- ❀ -

The next morning, you woke up feeling the bed occupied behind you. You stretched your limbs and turned around, suddenly forgetting how to breath when your eyes landed on Jaehyun’s sleeping face, facing in your direction. You wanted to touch his milky face, confirm whether it really was as soft as it seemed. His bare lips slightly parted and you wished to feel them on you.

Jaehyun felt a gaze on him and slowly fluttered his eyelids up. The eye contact had you jolt up from surprise while he stayed rooted in his lying position.

“I- I’m gonna go get ready,” you stuttered and bolted for the bathroom, locking the door behind you, and placed a hand over your racing heart.

Jaehyun sat up on the bed and smiled over how adorable you were. “Cute,” he whispered.

After breakfast, Taeyong and Jaehyun decided to go hiking nearby while you and Irene laid down on the outdoor lounge chairs, sprawling under the morning light.

The hiking trail was not too long and both men had reached the top in no time. Emerging from the trees, they were blessed by the breathtaking view of the mountains with a river that separated the mountains from where they stood. The morning birds chirped nearby, and the light breeze carried the echoes to their ears.

“Wow,” Jaehyun whispered. He felt as if a blanket was draped over him. A beautiful blanket consisting of your warmth.

“Beautiful, right?”

He nodded. “I wish Y/N and Irene came with us.”

“Same. I try to get Irene to come with me whenever I’d go hiking. But she would rather rest at home. I don’t blame her. Taking care of three small children is a lot.” Taeyong looked at the Jaehyun. “I don’t know how I survived all the times I had to do it by myself and Y/N always cracks jokes about me suffering.”

Jaehyun glanced at him with a small smile before turning back to the view.

Though Taeyong’s gaze was still locked on him. “Jaehyun?”

He took a deep breath, willing himself to take the time and ask your friend something that had been on his mind since the beginning. “How is Y/N so comfortable with you? I wish she could be like that with me.” Jaehyun was glad that he was starting to see you become comfortable with him during the trip. Even though it made his heart super happy, he craved for more from you.

Taeyong’s eyebrows raised up when finally learning the issue. “Well, that’s something that will depend on time. And the person too. When she first met me, I was a hot chubby mess, always clumsy and super clingy to my friends. I was naughty too, playful and pulling pranks. That’s how Y/N’s always seen me as since elementary school.”

The speed at which Jaehyun whipped his head to the man beside him had Taeyong chuckling. “Elementary... that long?” That all made sense to him. Being friends with Taeyong that long would only make you feel so at ease around him. And with that fact, another wave of jealousy hit him. How could Jaehyun beat that time before the marriage? Jaehyun was nowhere near Taeyong’s personality and he envied that to a great extent. On top of that, he didn’t want you to feel forced to marry him when you weren’t sure about it yourself.

A hand patted lightly on Jaehyun’s head. “Aigoo, is Jaehyunie jealous?” Taeyong teased.

Heat rose up to his cheeks, bluntly denying him, resulting in a roar of laughter from the married one.

“Don’t worry, Jaehyun. You’re a really good guy and I really think Y/N will like you back one day.” Sure, Taeyong was your best friend, but even he couldn’t figure out where a girl’s heart truly lied unless he had a chat with you. Regardless though, he would try to push you closer to Jaehyun, hoping that you’d break your assumed thoughts and give your fiancé a chance. A strong intuitive feeling of his told him that you and Jaehyun were destined to be together.

- ❀ -

Never Have I Ever.

That was a game that Taeyong had prepared for this trip. He had searched up a bunch of questions and written them down on a list of paper in case someone had a hard time to come up with a statement. The original game that he had planned included alcoholic drinks, but Irene had changed it to holding a hand up.

“Why? I wanted to drink!” Taeyong whined while wiggling in his seat.

Irene tsked. “Not right now. We’ll drink after dinner.”

He pouted, eventually agreeing with her words. Even though he was in charge of dinner that night, he couldn’t stop the desperate feeling of having one drink beforehand. “Okay, let’s start.” Taeyong spun an empty water bottle on the dining table and the opening pointed at Irene.

“Wow.” She picked up the list and scanned through the questions, immediately catching sight of one. “Never have I ever thrown a drink at someone,” she said and gave her husband an unamused look.

Only Taeyong raised his arm, knowing exactly what she was thinking about. And to his defense, he responded, “Come on, baby. You saw that guy! He was being rude to his mother. How could I not do anything?”

“But you could have talked it out. You didn’t have to throw your drink at him. We nearly got kicked out of the restaurant before we could even get our meal.”

“I would have made dinner for us then!”

“That’s not the point!”

“Okay guys, don’t fight,” you talked over them and grabbed the list from Irene, rolling your eyes at one of the questions. “Never have I ever fought in public.” You knew right away who were going to put up their hands.

Taeyong and Irene.

Irene crossed her arms. “Taeyong can get so childish when it comes to stuffed animals and chocolates that I have to nag him.”

Taeyong pouted. “Hey! At least I’m setting a good role model that adults should be child at heart, baby.”

But what you didn’t expect was that Jaehyun raised his hand up as well. “Well I wouldn’t say public like that, but I would hold onto my stand at work, which would raise some disputes. I know when to give up, but I can’t let a project go down the wrong path for the sake of maintaining peace in the company.”

You nodded, agreeing wholeheartedly with that, and you liked that thing about Jaehyun.

Taeyong grabbed the list from you, going next. “Never have I ever went on a solo vacation.” Taeyong never went on one, and wished he never did. Where was the fun when you weren’t on an adventure with someone?

Jaehyun was the sole person to raise his arm and you were aware of what he was implying to. He had informed you that he would be gone for some business in Paris a few weeks back and asked if you wanted to join him. Jaehyun felt bad for leaving you, but you spending a whole week in Paris with only him made your stomach lurch. Whether in a good way or bad, you didn’t know, thus rejecting his offer. You weren’t ready for such a stage in the relationship despite being newly engaged back then.

Pushing his broken heart aside, he explored the city in his free time. But he couldn’t stop thinking about you throughout the whole trip, even during the conferences that he was there for. Trips were something he used to enjoy solely. But after meeting you, he would have liked them better if he was with you.

He pushed the feeling aside and merely answered, “I went to Paris, mainly for business though.” He then asked something interesting that caught his attention on Taeyong’s list. “Never have I ever broken someone’s bone.”

You turned to Taeyong, shooting him a ‘what the hell’ look. “What kind of question is that?” Breaking your own bone was understandable. But why on earth would someone break someone else’s bone?

As expected, no one else except for the man himself raised his arm and chuckled. “I tweaked the question up because I technically did.”

Irene sighed. “It wasn’t you. It was on accident and it wasn’t Chunghee’s fault either.”

He sighed feeling a bit dejected. “I know but I feel responsible for what happened to Ten. Like I should have taught Chunghee better. Anyway, let’s move on.”

It was Irene’s turn again, and this time she yelped at reading one of the questions near the bottom of the page. “Never have I ever went skinny-dipping. What the hell, Taeyong?”

No one had raised their hand, and you were thankful for it because you wouldn’t know what to do with that information if either your married friends or your fiancé had done it before.

Taeyong wiggled his eyebrows at his wife suggestively, making her smack him hard in the chest and causing a windshield wiping laughter from him. “I really think it should be on our bucket list, babe,” he said.

“TAEYONG!” she screamed.

He laughed at her while you retrieved the list. “Never have I ever lived alone.” You had always either lived with your parents or had roommates when away from home. Taeyong and Irene were high school sweethearts, and so their only home away from their parents were with each other.

Jaehyun raised his arm solely once again. “I actually live on my own right now. I have my own place,” he answered. He never suggested to bring you over to his place, assuming that you were still awkward with him. Therefore, he only ever took you to public places to prevent you from feeling uncomfortable.

A phone rang, making Irene pick up her phone. “Hey Yeri.” Yeri was a mutual friend of yours and Irene’s and based on the muffled sounds from the other end of the line, you assumed that she was crying. “Oh no, just hold on for a second.” Turning to you guys, she said, “I’ll go talk to her outside.”

“I’ll come,” you added. You didn’t know what the issue was, but two heads were better than one.  

“Alright. And Taeyong, do not drink out of my sight. You hear me?” Irene pointed her index finger at him as she reprimanded him.

Taeyong sulked like a sad puppy upon hearing his wife’s words. Once the two of you were out of sight, a smirk formed on his face and he turned to Jaehyun, wiggling his eyebrows alluringly.

Jaehyun acted dumb, not wanting to get in trouble for encouraging Taeyong and avoided his eyes.

Taeyong nudged Jaehyun in the elbow, making the latter sigh in defeat. “This is about drinking, isn’t it?”

He nodded eagerly.

But Jaehyun shook his head. “No.”

Taeyong deflated. “Why?” he wailed.

“You’re going to get in trouble. Didn’t Irene just warn you?”

“I always get in trouble by her. It’s nothing new. I really wanna drink.”

Jaehyun was in a huge debate. Should he let Taeyong drink? Would you get mad at him for letting your friend drink?

“Come on, man. Please?” The puppy look was too irresistible for Jaehyun to stop him. One drink wouldn’t hurt Taeyong, would it?

“Okay, I guess a little won’t hurt you.”

Taeyong’s eyebrows raised in amusement. “You mean us. We’re both drinking.”

-

After comforting Yeri with her boyfriend issue, Irene decided to call her in-laws and check up on the kids while you headed back to search for the boys and see what they were up to.

Only to witness the scene in front of you absolutely shocking.

Both Taeyong and Jaehyun unquestionably wasted.

Numerous bottles were littered everywhere on the dining table where the four of you previously played a game. Knowing that Taeyong was a lightweight, the majority of the bottles had to belong to Jaehyun. Like a koala bear to a tree, Taeyong clung onto Jaehyun from behind, splattering kisses on your fiancé’s cheeks and nuzzling his nose into Jaehyun’s skin. From the looks of it, Jaehyun didn’t seem bothered at all by your friend with the dimples on his flushed cheeks.

But you were.

“Taeyong! Let him go! That’s my fiancé you’re kissing!” you yelled and strolled over to them. Trying to split up your drunk friend from your future husband was close to impossible. When Taeyong was drunk, his strength nearly doubled. The only other approach to get Taeyong off Jaehyun was for you to take a deep breath and release a bloodcurdling scream.

Startled, Taeyong let go of Jaehyun and stumbled over his steps, landing flat on his butt. The loss of human physical contact had Taeyong become a crying mess, but you didn’t pay any attention to his melodramatic tears. Because right after that moment, Jaehyun wrapped his arms around your waist from behind and nuzzled his face in the crook of your neck. He took a deep breath of your scent and sighed in content. “Mmm, you smell nice Y/N.”

Your heart thrashed in your chest and all you could hear was your blood pumping loudly in your ears. All you could feel was the warmth of his arms around you with the tip of his soft nose pressed into your cheek.

When Irene reappeared and quickly sunk in the scene, she ran up to her husband. “Taeyong! Did I not warn you earlier?” she shouted. Taeyong was going to have a tough time from Irene when he sobered up.

Once Irene dragged her wasted husband to their bedroom, you were clueless of what to do with clingy Jaehyun and later chose to follow your friend’s idea. After much difficulty of attempting to pull him inside the bedroom, you dropped him on the bed.

Right before you left his side, you heard him faintly mumble the words, “I love you, Y/N,” before dozing off.

- ❀ -

“Y/N, Jaehyun, can you two go to the market and grab some food for the long drive home?” Taeyong asked.

The last morning of your time at the rental vacation home had arrived. Thanks to the drunken men from the day before, food stock had been used up considerably quick to battle their hangovers.

“Sure. Whenever you’re ready,” Jaehyun said to you.

You pursed your lips and nodded. Frankly speaking, you were beginning to feel uncomfortable with Jaehyun ever since you heard his confession. Even though it wasn’t the first time to hear him confess to you, ‘I love you’ was a lot more deeper than ‘I like you’ and you were more than glad that he had said it while he was drunk. If he was sober, you would have had no idea on how to respond back. It wasn’t necessarily his feelings that you were bothered by, but your own. You didn’t know where your heart was for him and that was what made you uncomfortable.

Taeyong tossed the car keys to Jaehyun while discreetly sending a wink in your direction. You rolled your eyes, aware that your friend was only trying to get you closer to Jaehyun.

The drive to the market was tortuously silent as you focused your gaze on the faraway mountains and grass fields.

“I’m sorry about yesterday,” Jaehyun began. “I didn’t know Taeyong’s light and when he’s drunk, it’s hard to refuse him.” Taeyong had forced bottle after bottle on the poor man, not stopping until Jaehyun was drunk like him.

You stifled back a small laugh. “It’s okay. I’ve seen it before. But do you remember what happened?”

He frowned and shook his head. “Did something embarrassing happen?”

“Well, I would say something entertaining happened. You and Taeyong were quite something.”

He paled, keeping his eyes glued to the road. “What did we do?”

You laughed. “I wished I recorded you two, but I guess I’ll forever cherish it in my memories.”

At the market, Jaehyun pushed the cart and your hand rested on the side of it. Halfway through, Jaehyun felt his phone vibrate. Seeing the caller’s name displayed, he sighed, slightly annoyed at the phone. “Sorry Y/N, I need to take this call.”

You were surprised that he was telling you, yet hummed in response.

He thanked you and answered the call, keeping his volume low. “Hello? Didn’t I tell you not to call me?” You weren’t trying to mind his conversation but sort of ended up eavesdropping. “Just talk to Jade for me, will you? Thanks.” He hung up the call, taking a deep breath before smiling at you and resumed the grocery shopping.

What was that about, you thought.

- ❀ -

“Oh my love! I’m so excited to finalize your marriage date,” your mother gushed. “The time has finally come!”

You stayed mute, letting your mother begin daydreaming of all the things that would happen at your wedding.  Recalling the condition set in the beginning, your father asked if there was a valid reason to break it off. Unfortunately, you weren’t able to come up with a single reason for why you shouldn’t marry Jaehyun.

Why did he have to be so flawless, you thought.

When the doorbell rang, your mother gave you a gentle push, cuing you to open the door. With a huge deep breath in and out, you attempted to put on your best polite smile and swung the door open. “Good afternoon, please come in,” your tone laced with such fake enthusiasm that you had never displayed to your future in-laws.

Mrs. Jung walked in and pulled you into, once again, a crushing hug. “Oh it really is a good afternoon, Y/N. Let’s get your wedding talk going!” Once Jaehyun’s parents strolled to the direction of the living room, you shifted your gaze to the man himself, standing still on the porch.

“Um, you can come in too. Haha.” You weren’t ever going to stop feeling awkward with him, were you?

Though Jaehyun only held a neutral expression. No smile or sparkle in his eyes. And it made you worry if he was okay.

“Jaehyun?”

“Y/N?” he called softly.

You blinked. “Yeah?”

He sucked in a breath and asked, “Can I hug you?”

You blinked again. Physical touches were going to be basic intimacy after marriage so he shouldn’t have to ask you for one. But then, nothing much had happened between you two in terms of it except for a few, and you thought he was only being a gentleman. He had only hugged you once and that was when he was drunk. “Yes, of course.”

He closed the distance between you two and wrapped his arms around your waist, flushing his warmth against yours. You felt butterflies in your stomach when he placed his chin on your shoulder, staying like that for what felt like a minute, just basking in your warmth before he pulled away. The slight smile he sent your way, not quite reaching his eyes, made your heart drop.

“Let’s go in,” he muttered and held your hand in his gently.

Your heart would have fluttered at the contact, but you didn’t like the feeling that began to settle in your stomach.

After you two walked in, Mrs. Jung began. “Now that everyone’s here, let’s think of-”

“Mom,” Jaehyun cut his mother off quietly but firmly enough to be heard, making her blink at him in surprise.

“What is it, son?” his father asked. Jaehyun was never the type to interrupt elders. But at that moment, he couldn’t let them begin planning, getting their hopes up when it wasn’t going to happen.

He let go of your hand and glanced at your mother. “I can’t do this.”

You were beyond confused with him. “Do what?”

He turned to you, his eyes holding sorrow. “This marriage.”

The eerie silence that followed was broken by your mother. “This doesn’t have anything to do with Y/N wanting to break it off, does it?”

You gaped at her. “This is my first time hearing about this. I didn’t know either.”

“There’s literally no reason why he would be calling it off,” she countered.

“Mrs. L/N, this doesn’t have anything to do with Y/N. It’s my decision. I’m just not ready. I’m sorry.” Jaehyun lowered his gaze to the floor while you incredulously looked at him.

Not ready? My foot! There was no way he wasn’t ready for this marriage. After the confessions, after all his smiles. He wouldn’t have continued taking interest in you if he was going to break it off.

“Jaehyun, this is unacceptable. You should have told us beforehand,” his mother scolded.

“And I’m sorry for that. I didn’t want anyone to know so that everyone knows this is my decision. I’m not being influenced by anyone for this.” He raised his eyes to meet your parents. “I apologize, once again, Mr. and Mrs. L/N.” Without giving you a glance, he turned on his heels and strode towards the entrance.

Your head was spinning, your heart aching for an unexplainable reason as you watched the man disappear out the front door. It happened. It finally happened. After all this time of you wanting the marriage to be called off.

But why weren’t you happy?

Jaehyun stepped out of your house, feeling slightly less suffocated and released the held back tears. He pulled out his phone, dialing a number and pressed it against his ear.

After the second ring, the call was answered. “Hey Jaehyun! What’s up?” Taeyong’s cheery greeting almost broke Jaehyun yet he willed himself to stay strong.  

“Taeyong, can we meet tonight?”

- ❀ -

Jaehyun asked for Taeyong to pick him up. With the plan he had for that night, he wasn’t going to be in the right condition to drive. Taeyong had gotten the news from you prior to the meet that Jaehyun had called off the wedding. While Taeyong was childish at times, he knew when to act responsibly and had opted for cola when Jaehyun ordered spirits.

You didn’t take the news well either and Taeyong could tell instantly by your voice. He was going to talk to you later in person when Jaehyun had reached out to him first.

First come, first served.

Taeyong pressed his back to his chair and watched the man across down his shots. The food had been left abandoned as alcohol became a source of comfort for the broken hearted.

“I- I couldn’t do it to Y/N,” Jaehyun choked out. “I can’t let her marry me when she doesn’t love me. I can’t let her feel that she’s being forced to marry me when she doesn’t want to. Not once has she ever admitted her feelings to me. It’s like she’s only doing this for her parents.”

Taeyong sighed. “Jaehyun, I think you shou-” He bit back his words upon hearing a sob. The sobs had progressively increased, and tears flooded down Jaehyun’s reddened cheeks. Taeyong rushed to his side and guided Jaehyun’s head to his chest, hugging him as he soothingly patted his head.

The sobs had only lessened when Jaehyun choked out, “I love her too much, Taeyong. I just want her to be happy.”

- ❀ -

Your eyes fluttered open, the light breeze gently swaying the sheer white curtains that hung off the rods of your canopy bed. A soft breath left your parted lips and the aching hole in your heart continued to consume you. Your hand laid beside your head, the sparkling diamond ring still resting on your finger. While you didn’t know if your fiancé, ex fiancé, had taken the ring off, you didn’t have the courage to take off yours.

Irene answered the door and was astonished by your surprise visit. “Y/N, what a surprise. And you don’t look good...” she trailed off.

And you weren’t expecting otherwise when you felt like shit.

She ushered you in, and your eyes skimmed throughout the home, getting flashbacks to the times spent babysitting with Jaehyun.

Jaehyun.

You sniffed and tried to push your incoming tears back. “Is Tae...”

She shook her head. “He got an urgent call from work so he’s going to be there till late night. I heard about Jaehyun.”

You merely nodded, not sure what to say.

Irene placed a hand on your shoulder. “Do you want to talk?”

You chewed on your lips and shook your head. You had no idea what to say when you were confused by your feelings. At times like that, you’d go to Taeyong. He knew you more than your parents, more than anyone in the world, and would have a better idea of what you were feeling before you could realize it yourself. Until Taeyong arrived, you were going to quietly seek comfort from your friend and the little angels.

Chunghee came into sight and his eyes landed on you, running to you. Your typical reflex would have been a cheerful smile and have your arms open for him to run into. But you didn’t do that. The little boy’s steps slowed upon approaching you, noticing something was off when not met with the usual response. “What’s wong, auntie?”

A cry that you recognized belonging to Aera pierced through the rooms, making Irene leave the two of you alone.

Jinae had waddled into the living room, her eyes forming crescent moons, delighted to see you. She wobbled up to your legs and held onto your leg for support. You sat down on the floor and pulled her into your lap. You forced a smile at Chunghee. “Nothing. Auntie’s okay.”

Chunghee sat down beside you, looking around the room. “Where’s Jae uncle?”

Your heart stopped at the mention of his Jaehyun uncle. You were flattered that he liked him enough to ask about his whereabouts. “He... Jae uncle isn’t with me anymore.”

He stared at you. “Not together?” You shook your head. “Why?” he whined.

“What do you mean why?”

He pouted, and if it weren’t for the gaping hole in your heart, you would have laughed at how much he resembled Taeyong. “I like you and uncle together.”

“I guess we’re not meant to be together.”

With a scowl on his face, he yelled, “No! You two are!”

Jinae kept her tiny gaze on you and released a ‘humph,’ agreeing with her brother’s words.

- ❀ -

Taeyong had received a warning from Irene to not make noise when entering home at night. His gaze fell onto the figure sprawled on the couch, facing the backrest. On his tip toes, he quietly moved towards it and peeked over to see your face. You were fast asleep with signs of puffy eyes, hinting that you were crying recently.

“You’re such a fool,” he whispered and kissed your head.

The next morning, you woke up, being greeted with a cheery Taeyong who dragged you to the dining table for breakfast. Even though you weren’t in the mood to, he nagged you into going out for a walk with him so that you could digest your meal. It made you think back to Jaehyun when he suggested the same thing on your second official date. You were secretly thankful that Taeyong dragged you out the door as your limbs were aching for some movement after being cooped up indoors due to your gloomy mood.

Spotting an unoccupied bench, the two of you sat down for a short break. “The weather is beautiful, isn’t it?” he asked, staring up at the fluffy clouds in the bright blue sky.

You puffed out as your gaze was fixed on the pebbles along the path. “I don’t know what to do. Why am I feeling like this?”

He snickered. “If I was in Jaehyun’s spot, I wouldn’t even know what to do with myself if I loved you.”

“Hey! Is that an insult?”

Taeyong rolled his eyes. “Seriously, only Jaehyun is supposed to be hurting right now. Why are you getting affected? Wasn’t this what you wanted all this time?”

It was.

But...

“Yeah... but I don’t know. I’m so confused. Jaehyun really is a good guy. But I- I don’t know.”

Taeyong watched you softly. “You know what the problem is?”

You scowled. “If I knew the problem, I wouldn’t be here with you and stressed out.”

He smiled warmly. “Your problem is that you’re holding onto your biased thoughts. The type of guys your parents had set you up with previously have been ones you didn’t like. So now that there’s a guy who is perfect for you, you can’t see that. Plus, all your life you wanted a love marriage. The second your parents interfered and tried to set you up for an arranged one, you thought love would never happen.”

You let his words sink in and felt a piercing stab in your heart after hearing his words. You wanted to fall in love the way you thought you would back when you were a teenage girl. You wanted to fall in love with the one you were destined to be with like the way it would occur in movies. Not through having blind dates with prospective partners.

“Y/N, let me ask you something and I want you to forget that you had ever met Jaehyun the way you did.”

That felt like another stab in your heart, even if hypothetical.

“If you never met Jaehyun through a blind date, but instead met him in another way, would your feelings change for him?”

If you met Jaehyun as a classmate, or as a mutual friend, or colleague, or even as someone you bumped into randomly on the streets, would your feelings change? “My head hurts,” you complained and slouched against the bench.

He tutted. “This isn’t something to use your brain for. What do you feel in your heart, Y/N? Would your feelings change? Would you then accept your love for Jaehyun?”

Love...

For Jaehyun.

You stood up from the bench, suddenly feeling a rush of emotions surging inside you. You began trembling, becoming hyper aware of what you had been doing all this time. You had been pushing away your feelings for him. Unknowingly had been denying your love for him. “Oh my God...” you breathed out. “Why am I so dumb?”

If you had met Jaehyun in any other way, then you would have realized your feelings way earlier.

Taeyong placed his hands on your shoulder, gently turning you around to face him. “You realize it now,” he chuckled.

You couldn’t see his face as your sight became blurry from the tears welled up in your eyes. “Why am I so stupid?” you cried, and Taeyong pulled you into his embrace, stroking your hair. Wet patches formed on his shirt as you sobbed in his chest.

Your friend kissed the top of your head. “After all this time of you wanting a love marriage, you didn’t even realize that the love of your life had been in front of you all along.”

“He’s never gonna forgive me,” you choked out.

Pulling away from you, he wiped your fresh tears off with his fingers. “He will. He loves you too much to hate you. Also,” he grabbed his phone from his pocket and did some tapping. Your phone chimed, displaying an address under your unread message. “That’s his address, the one where he lives on his own. Go to him, Y/N. Tell him your true feelings.”

- ❀ -

Jaehyun doesn’t hate you. He loves you.

With that thought, you quit being hesitant and rang the doorbell. Your foot tapped impatiently as you waited for a short time. When the door opened, you were met with a shocked Jaehyun. “Y/N?” Your name fell from his lips in disbelief, as if to see you again, let alone at his place, would be a dream.

A nod. “Yup. It’s me. Haha,” you chuckled nervously. “Taeyong gave me your address.”

He hit himself mentally for keeping you standing. “Come in.”

You walked in and weren’t surprised for the vibe his place radiated. After all the money spent on your dates, and being your parents’ selection, you expected he’d own a deluxe home, his being a modern bachelor pad. You couldn’t help but think back to a particular set of words when you second met him at the theater.

“Would you like anything? Coffee or tea?” he asked.

You shook your head. “No. I’m fine. Well... actually water.”

He nodded. “Of course. Please sit.” He shuffled his way to where you assumed was the kitchen. Out of sight, you cautiously sat down on the couch, scanning your eyes around.

Jaehyun came back with a tall glass of water, handing it to you. You thanked him and took a few sips before resting it on the coffee table. Your eyes landed on his ring finger, stunned to see the engagement ring still there. “You’re still wearing it,” you muttered.

He followed your line of sight and caught on to what you were referring to. Quickly, he placed his other hand on top to hide the ring from your sight. “Oh, um...” He glanced at your own hand and noticed it there as well. “Oh, you too?”

Nodding, you said, “Yeah, I...”

He kept his eyes trained on you, waiting for you to continue and explain for the sudden visit.

“I’m such an idiot,” you muttered under your breath.

He raised his eyebrows, hearing you clearly. “Why?”

“Because I didn’t realize that I loved you all this time.”

He froze upon hearing your confession for the first time, and his heart began beating faster. “You love me?” he asked, needing to make sure he wasn’t hearing things.

You nodded and laughed quietly. “If it weren’t for Taeyong to make me realize it, then I wouldn’t be sitting here with you. And I’m sorry that I’m late. I’ve been blind all this time because we were arranged, you know? I thought love wasn’t going to happen. But I’m so dumb to not realize it despite all the times you’ve made my heart flutter.”

A blinding smile took over his face and you were relieved to see it again. “I made your heart flutter?” Jaehyun’s heart was far from okay with your confession. There were rare times where he could figure out if he moved your heart, but you masked your emotions most of the time.

“You sure did. I’m seriously such a fool to not have- argh!” you groaned, frustrated with yourself.

He laughed happily, pleased with the effect he had on you. “Better now than never. So you love me? Like you don’t have any problem with me?”

Which reminded you... “Well, there is one thing.”

His smile faltered, anxious for what you had to state. “Yeah?”

You pressed your lips together. “What was your friend’s name? Johnny was it? At the movies. he mentioned something that you were devoted to your work, and I can tell you’re someone of higher position. Will that mean I might not be able to see you at times because you’ll be busy?”

His lips formed an ‘oh’ and his smile returned. “You’re right. I do work at a managerial position, so it is possible for me to be away. But did you ever feel that whenever I was with you? That I chose work over you?”

You shook your head. “I didn’t.”

“Good.”

“Huh?”

He grinned. “Remember our trip at that supermarket and I got a call? It was from work. Actually, that weekend our team had an urgent project to work on, but I was able to get someone reliable to cover for me so that I could spend time with you.”

Oh my God...

“Work is inevitable and rare cases I’ll have to be away from you. But I will do anything and everything I can to put you first.” His smile dropped quickly when noticing your tears. “Y/N, what’s wrong? Did I say something wrong?”

You sniffed back the wave about to hit you. “You’re too perfect. I don’t deserve you.”

The dimples that you loved so much reappeared, and he wiped your tears away. “Nonsense. More like I don’t deserve you.”

“Don’t say that,” you pouted, frowning.

He laughed and patted your head. “You’re so cute.”

Your cheeks burned with adoration for him, and you caught him off guard when you hastily leaned forward and pecked him on his lips. You pulled back and found him blushing.

Out of embarrassment, you diverted your gaze, looking at anything but his eyes. Jaehyun gently held your face in his hands and turned you to meet his twinkling eyes. “I love it when you surprise me, Y/N.”

You grinned and pecked his lips for the second time, wanting to feel his soft velvety lips again.

Surprised, he let out a hearty laugh. “Someone’s desperate for my lips.”

“After all this time, I can’t believe I didn’t kiss you once. Maybe that would have changed my mind and accepted you faster,” you joked.

He shook his head, smiling in amusement, and was startled when you threw yourself on him, wrapping your arms around his neck and kissed him hungrily. Jaehyun responded back, pulling you into his tight embrace and kissed back in a feverish manner. You moaned and combed your hand through his hair, earning a deep growl from him. You pulled back after what felt like a minute, both of you panting heavily. He stared into your eyes, and as a confirmation whispered, “You’ll be my wife.”

­You chuckled breathlessly. “I’ll be your Mrs. Jung.”

He crashed his lips onto yours, moving more roughly. He left your lips and trailed down below your jawline, leaving a wet trail on your neck. Your moans increased in volume and he was pleased by how sensitive you were just from his lips on your skin. He pulled back and watched your reaction.

You whined at the loss of contact. “Stop teasing me.”

He quirked an eyebrow at you. “You want more?”

You definitely did. “Please?” You batted your eyelashes.

A smirk grew on his face. “Of course.” He placed his hands behind your back and knees, lifting you up into his arms bridal style. On the way to his bedroom, the two of you didn’t stop the kisses. He put you down gently on the bed and crawled over you, closing the distance between you two as he gave all of his love to you.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

reading update

hey gamers, happy Pride Month Eve. I don't have any more time to make small talk, I've read so many fucking books since the last time we did this and I need to get started immediately.

what the fuck have I been reading?

The Memory Librarian: And Other Stories of Dirty Computer (Janelle Monáe, 2022) - I don't know if you guys know this about me, but I am... obsessed with Janelle Monáe. Dirty Computer, the album, changed me as a person. I have a bisexual pride flag hanging in my room that I can never wash because she touched it one time. my living room contains more than one decorative cushion with their face on it. a couple of years ago I almost willingly went broke to bid on a pair of the vulva pants from the Pynk music video when Mx. Monáe raffled them off. I love Janelle Monáe in a way that I rarely let myself love artists, and going into this book I really only had one fear: what if Janelle Monáe's book is bad? well, fear not: the book is pretty good, probably because Janelle Monáe was smart enough to hire actual experienced science fiction writers to collaborate and help her build out her world from song and screen to literature. the result is stories that are still sitting heavy in my mind even though it's been approximately a very busy calendar month since I read them, with new meanings crystalizing and arriving all the time. I will freely admit that the collection feel a little uneven in places, but then I'll immediately follow that up by talking about how hard it rips that there's a story about [spoilers] an idyllic little queer refuge from the evil authoritarian government being betrayed by a cis woman because she doesn't trust the AFAB nonbinary member of the crew, and decided that selling out the whole commune to a violent attack would somehow make all the "real" women safer than just letting someone use they/them pronouns in peace. Janelle had some things to say, y'all.

Short Talks (Anne Carson, 1992) - this is going to seem so short after all the rambling I just did for Janelle Monáe but it feels right. literally all I have to say is that I wish all poetry read like this. devoured in one sitting, delighted in every single page of it. Anne Carson, you deserve the hype.

Complaint! (Sara Ahmed, 2021) - I was lucky enough to get to watch Ahmed give a virtual lecture about this book before reading it, and as always her principled feminist rage was a delight to behold. Complaint! details research conducted by Ahmed after leaving her university position due to mishandling of student complaints, talking to other people about their experiences making institutional complaints - about professors, about bosses, about students, about policies that furthered deeply entrenched biases and hierarchies. her results were often disheartening, but Ahmed never gives in to despair. her work affirms injustice's existence but also the validity of raging against it; as someone working in a university setting and frequently unhappy with it, I felt more reinvigorated reading Complaint! than I have in a long time.

Before the Coffee Gets Cold (Toshikazu Kawaguchi, trans. by Geoffrey Trousselot, 2020) - I was really looking forward to this book, which sounded like exactly the sort of cozy, low-stakes fantasy slice of life shit I love. there's a café in Japan where people can have conversations with people from their pasts, but they only have as long is takes for their coffee to cool down - isn't that fun? I was prepared to really love it, and also cry a lot. in the end, I didn't love Before the Coffee Gets Cold as much as I hoped I would - maybe because it was adapted into a novel from a play, and the transition doesn't feel especially smooth? as I've already said on this blog, I would really like an opportunity to see this performed as a stage show if anyone ever does it in English - especially the ghost woman who lives in the café, I want to see that.

Rethinking Sex: A Provocation (Christine Emba, 2022) - oh man you guys, this one was a DOOZY. a friend alerted me to this book's existence months before it was published, and the premise sounded intriguing enough: Emba posits that the simple model of "yes means yes, no means no" isn't a sufficient sexual ethic, and fails to provide a reliable framework for treating sexual partners respectfully beyond obtaining basic consent - and she's right about that! I do agree with Emba on that particular statement; I think current understandings of consent are a very rudimentary baseline and frequently fail to account for the many nuances of human interactions. that is pretty much where Emba and I stop agreeing on almost anything. this book takes some stunningly regressive stances on sexuality in the name of equity, gang. Emba insists that some sexual desires are inherently worse than others, although she conspicuously fails to elucidate on what these might be while suggesting that porn is to blame for normalizing such "risky" kinks as anal sex and polyamory, which hilariously (and sadly) seems to suggest that she isn't clear on the difference between polaymory and group sex. she states in her intro that the book is absolutely meant to be inclusive of gay and trans readers, then goes on to spend a chapter talking about how silly it is to pretend men and women are the same when their innate biological frailty and predisposition to pregnancy makes women inherently more imperiled by sex. she insists that it's unlikely anyone actually enjoys "casual sex," providing choice quotes from interviews that support this stance, and upon encountering a woman who maintains that she did enjoy a shallow sexual relationship pivots to question why a person would even want such a thing in the first place. this book is a hot ass mess, y'all, and while I did take a certain perverse pleasure in sending the yikes-iest segments to a friend to scream in mutual horror, I cannot say I'd actually recommend it.

The Halloween Moon (Joseph Fink, 2021) - hey, one of the Welcome to Night Vale guys wrote a middle readers book and it's really cute. The Halloween Moon has the same unhinged energy as Disney Channel Halloween movies from the nineties and early 2000s - you know, the ones where everything going on was really silly but also holy shit someone might kill that 11 year old for realsies? think Hocus Pocus, that's the right vibe. yeah that was my SHIT as a kid, and remains my shit as a weird adult. if you know a weird kid, I'd strongly recommend passing this along to them.

Batman: The Long Halloween (Jeph Loeb and Tim Sale, 1996) - I didn't mean to read two back-to-back Halloween-ish books in May, it just happened. life is weird that way. anyway yes I DID read this because it was specifically cited as a heavy inspiration for The Batman (2022), no I regret nothing. I've been avoiding Big Two comics for years, but like... fuck. I missed this. this is so fun and dumb. every other page is Batman emotionally taking a deep drag on a cigarette and monologuing about how rancid Gotham City is followed by someone getting murdered on Saint Patrick's Day and having a leprechaun statuette left on their corpse. it's ridiculous it's noir out the ass I loved every second of it. it's perfectly self-contained and I cannot recommend it enough if you don't mind grisly murder. consider yourselves warned that I'm getting back into comics in a big way.

Hench (Natalie Zina Walschots, 2020) - you guys might recall Hench as the winner of my second-ever reading poll, beating out three other books on my TBR. and you know what? you guys were fucking right. Hench is the story of Anna, a temp who does data entry for supervillains - it's a living, you know? until she gets horrifically injured in a fight between her latest boss and a guy who's, uuuh, he's definitely not Superman. don't worry about it. Anna develops a metric to calculate how much property damage and loss of human life superheroes are actually causing - and a huge, HUGE grudge. she finds a new, cooler evil boss and gets to work ruining superheroes' lives, and oh MAN is she good at her job. I don't often pine for sequels, but if one happened to come along for this book I would NOT be disappointed. frankly Anna's boss Leviathan is the monster boyfriend that dreams are made of and I think she deserves a second book purely to try to kiss him on the mandibles. let a bitch live vicariously.

Time Is a Mother (Ocean Vuong, 2022) - one thing about Ocean Vuong is that he's going to reliably fuck me right the fuck up, emotionally, and there was approximately a 0% chance that a poetry collection meditating on the death of his mother wasn't going to be ruinous. what can I say, I was raised by a single mother who currently lives very far away and has complicated health problems that seem to get worse with each passing year! some things are going to set me off! I returned this book to the library before writing down the names of specific poems that got to me, like an idiot, but there's one that's very simple in its devastation: a collection of things Vuong's mother ordered from Amazon, detailed month by month, showing a woman's attempts to continue living a normal life even as her health worsens to the point of preparing for her own funeral. I love a poem that's just a list of shit given meaning, and it took me right out.

Nightmare Alley (William Lindsay Gresham, 1946) - "oh like the Guillermo Del Toro movie" yeah exactly like the Guillermo Del Toro movie, this is the book it was based on. this probably won't shock you if you've seen the movie, but oh my god this is fucked. like, significantly more than the movie, Mr. Del Toro was really sparing our delicate feelings with his adaptation. if you watched Nightmare Alley and said "I just don't think Stan was enough of a fucking freak bastard," oh boy do I have good news for you. also if you watched Nightmare Alley and thought "this is interesting but I wish we devoted a lot more time to Stan developing his career as a phony spiritualist and we got to see him spend several years running a full fucking church while claiming to commune with the dead" hey, we've got that too! Stan spends most of this book running around doing terrible things while Yakkety Sax plays behind him, all the while running an internal monologue about power and manipulation that's truly vile. if you like a book about a wretched guy having just a terrible time (one of my favorite genres, btw) you're gonna love this.

Yoke: My Yoga of Self-Acceptance (Jessamyn Stanley, 2021) - I'll freely admit that I was very hesitant going into this one. Jessamyn Stanley is a very cool yoga instructor who I first learned about in a way that was pretty much "check out this fat Black queer yoga icon!," and I've sort of passively admired her ever since. I was worried that reading her personal essays would be a bit of a case of "don't meet your heroes" - what if she has some stupid ass phony influencer opinions that leaves a sour taste in my mouth about her whole deal? SHOULD NOT HAVE WORRIED. first off, this bitch is a good personal essay writer and funny as hell. secondly, she devotes a good chunk of time to dissecting the burden of being The fat Black yoga icon, the difficulty in unlearning to urge to seek approval from white audiences, and how the necessity of viewership inherently taints and complicated her relationship too her craft. she also has some very real and gorgeous thoughts about the American yoga industry's problem with cultural appropriation, and where she fits into that as a Black instructor teaching a Indian practice. she's inspired me to take another crack at meditation (not easy!!) and has some thoughts on posture and breathing that have really shaken up my whole relationship with yoga for the better.

Cultish: The Language of Fanatacism (Amanda Montell, 2021) - definitely one of my favorite nonfic books I've read this year that isn't an essay collection/memoir. Montell (the daughter of a man raised in the Synanon cult, it bears mentioning) takes an engaging look at the way cults use appealing, exclusive language to bind people and ensnare them, making it difficult to leave. the approach to cults is sharply critical, but Montell looks at cult members with an empathetic eye, reminding readers many times that there's nothing to back up the idea that those who fall into cults are less intelligent or more ignorant than the general population. instead, she examines the ways in which charismatic leaders cleverly use words to present an image of something desirable - and then make it difficult to back out. to me the most interesting part of the book is way Montell draws comparisons between real, well-known cults to groups such as CrossFit, multilevel marketing schemes, and the followers of "wellness" influencers on Instagram. Montell makes clear that she's not accusing, say, Tupperware salespeople of being exactly as harmful as Jim Jones, but that she thinks there are similarities worth examining - and she's right! a smart, easy read; strongly recommend for anyone seeking something curious and fun.

Little Rabbit (Alyssa Songsiridej, 2022) - a book about a relationship, which Sonsiridej herself calls a coming of age story and one of my favorite writers Carmen Maria Machado calls a "horny love letter to bottoming." it is indeed both of those things, and it's very good at both of them! the novel follows a 30 year old writer in her pursuit of a 51 year old choreographer, and the struggle to make sense of their power dynamics once she gets him. what does it mean that he's so much older? that he's divorced from a rich wife and has resources she can't imagine? should she be flattered or affronted that he wants to help her advance her career? does dating an older cishet man mean she's turning her back on her queerness, as her roommate keeps insinuating? what does it mean that he feels uneducated compared to her and her literary friends? and what is our protagonist supposed to do about the fact that she's just discovered she's one hell of a sub? isn't it problematic to want an older man to hurt her? maybe so, but she's enjoying the hell out of it. this is a coming of age story like I've never seen before, but I hope to find a lot more like it because it was simply exquisite.

Portrait of a Thief (Grace D. Li, 2022) - the premise is simple: five Chinese-American college students get hired to heist stolen art out of five Western museums and return it to China. the reward? 10 million dollars each. the stakes? oh my god, astronomical. all of their lives could be absolutely ruined - and it's not a spoiler to say that absolutely nothing goes how they expect it to. a fun and fast-paced book, one that I would definitely recommend for, say, a day of reading on the beach or on an airplane.

[wrenhyperfixates]

Fluff Alphabet

A/N: This is a bit of a collab with my bestest best friend @lokistan! The ever amazing Star helped me come up with a question for each letter and she wrote the entirety of “N” herself! Hope you enjoy :)

Permanent Tag List: @lucywrites02​ @frostedgiant​ @lunarmoon8​ @twhiddlestonsstuff​ @lokistan​ @lowkeyorlokificrecs​ @gaitwae​ @whatafuckingdumbass​ @castiels-majestic-wings​ @kozkaboi​ @cozy-the-overlord​ @birdgirl90​ @myraiswack​ @mythicalgarlicknot​ @what-a-flammable-heart​ @mlqcikemenmc​

A=Adoration: What do they adore about you? • Everything. How understanding you are. Loki’s been through a lot, and you’re always patient with him. Even if he was nervous about the relationship in the beginning, you let him take his time, reassuring him you could go slow. And knowing all that, you always checked if he was alright, making sure you weren’t doing anything that made him uncomfortable or weren’t going to fast. He didn’t think anyone else would be quite as considerate as you.

B=Beauty: What do they find most beautiful about you? • Your smile. When you look at him with your face all lit up, he thinks his heart is going to burst from joy. No one else had ever looked at him quite as softly, as kindly, as genuinely as that. He likes to think about your smile as he drifts off at night. It gives him the best dreams.

C=Cuddles: Do they like cuddling? • Not at first. Loki is very guarded and letting anyone into his space is a big decision. Once he warms up to you, however, all he wants to do is snuggle. His preference between big spoon and small spoon depends on the day. When he’s feeling particularly antsy or small, all he wants is to be held in your arms as if sheltered from the world. But on his better days, when he just wants to protect his little mortal, he likes to wrap his body around yours, keeping the two of you in your own little bubble of happiness.

D=Date: What’s their favorite date you’ve had? • The first one. He was too nervous at first to go out with you in public, resulting in a dinner for two in his quarters at the Tower. It was happiness like he’d never known before, the first of many soft, quiet moments you two would share. Loki remembers being too nervous to take your hand in his and being pleasantly surprised when you were the one to hesitantly intertwine your fingers together. He doesn’t think he’ll ever forget a single moment of that night.

E=Embarrassed: What about you makes them flustered? • The little things. Like when you take his hand in public. Or say you love him. Or throw a smile his way during a debriefing. Or laugh at one of his jokes. Everything you do seems so natural, so genuine, that it throws him off guard for a moment. When he realizes that’s because all the small things are reflections of how much you love him, his face goes bright red!

F=Forever: How do they plan the rest of your life together going? • Honestly, Loki doesn’t like to think about it. He just knows he needs to be with you, and that’s enough. Though, he did find a spell to expand a mortal lifespan, and plans on asking you if it’s ok to use it. If you say yes, he imagines whisking you away to a cabin in the woods for a while, spending some of your many years just basking in each other’s presence. If you say no, that’s fine too; he’ll still treasure every moment you have together and knows he’ll see you again some day.

G=Gifts: Do they like giving gifts? Receiving them? • Loves giving them; mixed feelings on receiving. Loki adores you so wholly and completely, he thinks it only natural he gives you a gift here and there. Ok, at least twice a month. If he sees something that reminds him of you—and most things do in some way—why not gift it to you? You always love them and want to give back to him. It always makes Loki confused because he had never seen himself worthy of such tokens of love. With every one you give him, you change his mind a little more.

H=Hello: What’s their favorite way to greet you? • With a kiss. Nothing long or extremely passionate, usually just a peck on the cheek or back of the hand. Sometimes, he’s too nervous to say he loves you out loud, but the little kiss says it all. Besides, the god considers it an honor to be allowed to be the one to give you such affections, and he plans on making the most of the privilege.

I=Impression: What was their first impression of you? • He’s intrigued. Loki never liked to have particularly strong feelings either way toward someone. But, despite being the God of Lies, he doesn’t like to deceive himself. There was some unplaceable thing about you that drew him in. Eventually, he realized it was because you never scorned him or cowered for him. No, you were always attentive and interested in listening to him. For someone like Loki, that was rare, so of course he wanted to stick around you.

J=Journal: Do they keep a journal? • Yes. Not religiously or anything. If he misses a few nights, it’s no big deal. He does like to quickly jot down a few thoughts when he can, though, usually about time he spent with you. Then when he can’t be with you at the moment for whatever reason, he can pull it out and flip through, reliving the memories with a smile on his face.

K=Kisses: What’s their favorite part of you to kiss? • The back of your hand. Asgard was a fairly formal place, and having been raised a prince, it was common for him to bow and place a kiss there. But with you, it was different. More meaningful. It was almost a way of bringing his old culture with him, yet making it his own. He wouldn’t always bow when he did it. In fact, more often than not, it was sans bow. Instead, if you were walking down the street hand in hand, he’d lift yours to his lips and plant a quick, gentle kiss there. Or if you were sitting together on the couch, he would do the same. Really, they were a good, fast little reminder of his affection for you at any time of the day. How adorably flustered it made you was just a bonus.

L=Love: How do they tell you they love you? • Through the things he does. Sometimes it’s hard for Loki to actually say the words because of his fears, so he opts to show you. He’ll ask if it’s ok to take care of you if it’s something bigger, not wanting to make you uncomfortable. So if you have a tough day, he’ll ask if it’d be alright if he draws you a bath or gives you a massage. If it’s a smaller thing, he doesn’t mention it. He’s not looking for praise, he just wants to show he loves you. So, sometimes he’ll make your favorites for dinner or dessert, or suggest watching your favorite movie or comfort TV show. Of course, you always notice and respond with “I love you, too.”

M=Mischief: Do they prank you? Prank with you? • Absolutely. Loki is the God of Mischief, a title he prides himself on much more than God of Lies. He never does anything too serious to you, just small things. Like convincing you of something absurd or making an illusion of a rather large bug, just enough to make you jump. Even better is pulling pranks with you. Like convincing Thor everyone but him can lift Mjolnir now. Or making Tony believe he’s going crazy and that beeping he keeps hearing is in his mind. And the best part of it all is when Loki gets to hear your beautiful laugh.

N=Never: What's something they would never do to you? • Push you. Loki understands that some things take time and patience. He would never pressure you to do something that you're not ready to do or say. Loki knows what the weight of the world feels like and would never put you through that. 

O=Original: How original are they when it comes to wooing you? • It can go either way. After all, not too many people have magic at their disposal, and Loki loves using it to impress you. Then again, he loves to throw in cheesy pickup lines that make you grin like an idiot because he just looks so adorable saying them.

P=Protective: How protective are they of you? • Very, but he tries not to let it show. Loki doesn’t want to stifle you or make you think he believes you’re weak. You’re actually one of the strongest people he knows. Still, he always watches over you and checks in on you, making sure you’re alright and no one is upsetting you. And if someone has, oh boy, they better watch out because he certainly will have some choice words for them. Of course, that would come with a threat to the person not to let you know he’d spoken to them. Unless he’d gotten your permission to intervene.

Q=Quiet: What quiet, peaceful moments do they appreciate the most? • The ones where you don’t need to be doing anything else. So many people always need to be talking, but with the storm of thoughts always swirling in his mind, Loki appreciates the quiet. The fact that you two can just lay together saying nothing means so much to Loki. He likes just enjoying your calming presence, looking into each other’s eyes, almost as if communicating through the silence, the special kind that only those as close as you two could truly understand and appreciate.

R=Romance: How romantic are they? • Extremely. Loki loves to sweep you off your feet. He’s a little shy about it at first, but once he’s comfortable, he’s constantly writing/reading you love poems and songs. Candlelit dinners become commonplace and you find rose petals lining your way the table more often than not. And if you ever watch a rom-com, you can bet Loki will be taking notes.

S=Sharing: Are they good at sharing their emotions with you? • Sometimes. If his fears of you leaving get the better of him or cause the problem, he doesn’t really want to talk about it and risk making you upset. Instead, he just lets you hold him when you can tell something’s wrong. But for most other cases he slowly learns how to trust and open up to you, telling you what’s going on inside his mind.

T=Trust: How much do they trust you? • A lot. There's not a single other person in the universe Loki would ever let hold him the way you do. He doesn’t tell anyone else his feelings, either. He loves you and knows you’re there for him, though, so he trusts you won’t tell anyone else. It helps that you trust him so much too.

U=Upset: How do they comfort you when your upset? • By holding you. Even if you’re not at the point where you need to cry, Loki will encompass your body with his, tucking your head under his chin. He’ll whisper sweet nothings in your ear until you feel better, rubbing his hands up and down your back. When you finally look up at him, he’ll shower your face with kisses and ask if you need to talk. If you say no, he just keeps holding you for as long as you’ll let him. If you say yes, he listens intently, offering words of encouragement or advice when you finish. He always makes sure to tell you how proud of you he is for doing your best.

V=Vulnerable: When was the first time they were vulnerable with you? • The first time his nightmares woke you up. You’d both fallen asleep on the sofa watching a movie. Unfortunately, he was startled from his slumber by the dreams that so often plagued him. You rubbed his back while he caught his breath and calmed down. Once he was doing better, you offered to listen to what was wrong. Unable to keep it in any longer, he broke down in your arms. After sharing with you, he felt better than he had in a long time. He didn’t have another nightmare for two months.

W=When: When did they realize they were in love with you? • The first time he said the words. He hadn’t thought about it, so it wasn’t premeditated. You two were just swaying to some music, and you’d looked up to place a quick kiss to his lips. He just looked at you and said the three-word phrase. You replied immediately, seemingly not thinking about it either. Loki realized his heart had known it before his brain, but it was in that moment he realized how true the words were. He loved you.

X=Xaphoon: What kind of music reminds them of you? • Classical music with big, sweeping movements. So often they start off soft, feather-light. Then they crescendo into something bigger, something brighter, something dramatic. It reminds him of the way he feels for you, how it swelled into that big moment of pure and complete love and adoration. If the piece calmed back down again, that was the best, since he’s feelings had settled into his bones, becoming part of him.

Y=Yearning: Do they yearn for you when you’re apart? • Very much so. If he has to go on a mission for a while or accompany Thor to Asgard, he misses you terribly. He’ll look at photos or make an illusion of you, but it’s not the same as actually having you there. When he gets back home, the first thing he does is run into your arms, telling you how much he missed you. The sudden confession he never exactly plans always made him blush.

Z=Zoo: Would they want any pets? • Only if you did. Loki was kind of neutral toward the whole pet thing. Sure, if someone else had one he’d always go and pet it, but having one of his own wasn’t that big of a deal to him. If you did want one, though, Loki would immediately take you to find just the right companion. And once you brought it back home, he’d love to play with it or look at it or tell it how cute it is. Practically becoming its best friend, he can be easily persuaded to adopt one or two or a dozen more. And, of course, he’s so absolutely adorable with it, you’d risk your heart exploding from a cuteness overload and let him pick the one to adopt that time.

[oh-for-merlins-sake]

CRUMBS ‘N’ CRUMPETS | gw

summary: ever since y/n opened a bakery across from weasleys’ wizard wheezes, george hasn’t stopped thinking about her. he hopes that holiday cheer, a blanket of snowfall, and one chocolatey recipe will give him the courage he needs to make his christmas wish come true.

pairing: george weasley x fem!reader

word count: 1.6k

warnings: several mentions of food, gets a lil steamy, alcohol

a/n: ok so i was feeling HELLA COZY and wanted to write a comfy christmas fic hehehehe. enjoy! and happy holidays!!! 💛

taglist: @iliveiloveiwrite @andromedaa-tonks @pansydaisy​ @a-little-too-much @slytherinsunrise @marvelettesassemble @msmarklee1213​ @letsgotothehop @finnishslytherin @starlightweasley @witch-and-a-half​ (message/ask to be added/removed, loves!)

The twinkle of shimmering white lights danced across your vision as George twirled you in a sloppy circle, keeping time with the vibrations of familiar Christmas songs that rattled your feet.

“I’m going to need to sit after this!” You laughed.

“Can’t keep up, darling?” George teased, a mischievous smirk tugging at his lips.

You gripped his arms, slowing him to a halt. “Oh, don’t flatter yourself, Weasley.”

He raked a hand through his disheveled ginger locks. “I don’t have to — you do plenty of it for me.”

George shot you a wink, but the only response you could muster was a dramatic scoff. Just as he opened his mouth to quip further, someone toppled into you, resulting in a heaping dose of eggnog poured directly down your front.

You gasped from the sudden, thick chill and glared at George, who was stifling a raucous laugh.

“‘M sorry, Y/N,” she mumbled.

“It’s all right, Eleanor, you didn’t mean to,” you assured as you propped her back up.

You passed her back to her seemingly sober friend who apologized profusely on her behalf. She tugged Eleanor out of the shop, and you heard a boisterous laugh erupt from behind you. You spun on your heel to find George with his head on the nearest display case, trembling from how hard he was laughing.

You feigned anger, “George!”

“Honestly, Y/N, I think eggnog suits you!”

You swiped your wand across your body to instantly launder your bright red blouse. George protested, “Oh, c’mon, at least save me some!”

You rolled your eyes and playfully shoved his shoulder.

The stuffiness of the shop began to settle on your sweaty skin as clusters of people roved around you. A gust of icy air blew in as another horde of people clamored through the door. The chill was inviting.

Your eyes fluttered shut as you tossed your head back, exposing your sticky neck as you relished in the fleeting cold. George bit his lip, averting his gaze, knowing all too well how he longed to taste your salty skin.

“I could really use some fresh air,” you sighed, opening your eyes. “Care to join me?”

“It’s getting a touch hot for me as well,” George nodded in agreement, absentmindedly loosening his tie.

You gulped at the sight and quickly pivoted to lead him towards the door. He followed achingly close behind, and you resisted the overwhelming urge to spin and close the gap.

You were grateful to reach the wintry air.

“You sure know how to throw a Christmas party, Weasley,” you said as you tamed your tousled hair.

George chuckled and shook his head. “Every year, we think it’s going to be a hell of a lot smaller than it ever is.”

“Well, it gets my official stamp of approval!” You curtsied before mimicking a grandiose stamping motion. “Of course, only if the new girl’s opinion even matters.”

George laughed. “‘Course the new girl’s opinion matters!” He pointed sternly. “Some may say it’s the most important one.”

Only a few months had passed since you opened Crumbs ‘N’ Crumpets, your bakery across the street, but it felt like you’d known George for years. Like clockwork, he’d stop in on Tuesdays and Thursdays, sampling the daily special and shoving a few bills into the tip jar; and every Saturday morning, you’d leave a steaming cup of coffee with a warm chocolate chip muffin on the doorstep to Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes; and after a bustling day of business, when the shops all closed and the keepers turned in, you’d both walk down the alley, admiring the colorful Christmas lights that strung above the streets.

Neither of you dared to discuss it, and neither of you would admit that the routine meant more than you ever led on, but as he watched you giggle and admire the twinkling lights above your head yet again, he knew that he was careening down a treacherous path.

“Fancy a snack, George?” You asked suddenly. “I’m starving!”

The firewhisky you downed earlier created a cavern in your stomach; and the same was true of George. “What can I get you?” He asked, turning back towards the party.

You stopped him and nodded towards the bakery. “I was thinking we could make something of our own,” you challenged.

A faint blush sprawled across his freckled face as you dragged him by the hand. “Are you sure you want my help? I was banned from the kitchen as a child — blew up far too many things with my brother.”

You giggled as you unlocked the door to the bakery, pushing it with your shoulder and causing the silver bell overhead to chime. Guided by the moonlight that crept through the storefront, you led George to the back before flipping a switch to illuminate the messy kitchen.

A doughy mixing bowl sat unwashed in the sink, patches of flour blotted the countertops, and a few holly-patterned pot warmers sat on the cool, linoleum floor.

“Neat as a pin,” George teased, nudging his hip against yours.

“Do you want a snack, or don’t you?”

George chuckled as you pulled a delicate recipe box from a nearby shelf and flipped through the cards within. Eventually, you withdrew an old-time favorite: your mother’s homemade, melt-in-your-mouth, triple chocolate cookies. George was eager to learn how to concoct such an extraordinary confection — or rather, pretend to learn.

Honestly, George couldn’t comprehend much when he was around you. You raptured every ounce of his attention and always managed to short-circuit his brain and send his stomach into an endless bout of somersaults. Focusing on anything but you was a fruitless task.

His heart fluttered as you danced around the kitchen, spinning dough, sprinkling flour, and sampling chocolate. You were completely in your element. It seemed an intimate blessing to be standing there, rolling globs of sticky dough between his palms beside of you.

“I shattered my ulna when I was eight, and these cookies were the only thing to get me through those bloody buckets of Skele-Gro,” you recalled, slapping the last ball of dough onto the aluminum cookie sheet.

George grimaced. He was all too familiar with the sensation that accompanied a hearty helping of Skele-Gro. “These must be pretty wicked cookies then!”

You laughed and slid the tray into the toasty oven. “You’re in for a real treat, Weasley!”

George’s mouth was practically drooling at the delicious chocolate aroma that wafted through the air as he scrubbed colorful measuring cups and wooden spoons in the sink. Each time he passed you a dish to dry, your hand would gently graze his, which sent him into a complete and utter tizzy.

As soon as the timer chimed, George practically raced you to the oven.

You laughed as you stood between him and the oven, turning off the timer and placing your hand against his chest. “You’ve got to let them cool, Georgie!”

He peered down at you, suddenly overwhelmed by how little distance separated the two of you. “Sorry,” he muttered. The faintest trace of a smirk lined his lips. “I can be a bit... impatient.”

You gazed up at him, stammering as you attempted to craft some sort of coherent response. You were well aware of the fact that merely standing on your tiptoes at this point would close the minute gap between your lips and his; how the scent of chocolate evaporated as you inhaled his musky cologne and the notes of cinnamon that escaped his breath; how you’d been standing in silence for probably longer than what was socially acceptable — perhaps you should say something, you thought.

“That makes two of us,” you whispered. You were doused with a sudden wave of courage before swiftly tugging George to your lips by his evergreen tie, worried that if you waited another second, that courage may dissipate into another missed opportunity.

His lips melted into yours as he pressed you against the balmy glass of the stacked ovens behind you. You sighed into the kiss and tugged the ends of his ginger hair as his large hands swept underneath your blouse to rake at the small of your back. You gently tossed your head back, giving George’s mouth free rein to finally dance across your neck. A soft moan escaped your lips as you hooked your fingers through his belt loops to pull him completely against you.

You were perfectly content to continue indulging in your finally realized fantasies until a faint, burning odor infiltrated the kitchen.

You gasped and pushed George off of you, flinging the oven door open to reveal greatly crisped, blackened cookies.

“Blimey, I’m sorry, Y/N!” George exclaimed.

You safely extracted the sheet of cookies and set it on the counter before turning off the oven. You couldn’t help but laugh at how carried away you’d gotten.

“Bet they’re still bloody delicious,” George assured, reaching for a scorched cookie.

You giggled as he audibly crunched on the sweet, doing his best to hide the grimace that threatened to surface. “Well,” he muttered, “Guess that means we’ll have to try again another day!”

The two of you tossed the charred sweets in the bin, both flushed and bashful about the events that had just transpired. Neither of you mentioned it as you locked the bakery once more or as you migrated back to the Christmas party across the street. You wondered when either of you would bring it up, if at all; if either of you would ever muster the courage to do such a thing again.

As you both maneuvered to settle against a wall, George chirped, “Oh, look!” He pointed above your heads. “Mistletoe.”

He smirked as you rolled your eyes.

Well that didn’t take long.

[star-consultant]

Bright are the stars

You need a Beatle song that perfectly encapsulates your sign? Of course you do. (Spotify playlist) 

Aries—“I Saw Her Standing There” 

One two three FOUR! An eager and intense song for an eager and intense sign. Aries falls hard and fast, with a tendency to rash vows that everyone doubts they mean—but Aries doesn’t doubt. Paul (who later styled himself as a "ram” at a key point in his creative development) makes good on the Cardinal Fire vibe with his exuberant vocals, and John of the Aries rising contributed the street-smart innuendo that utterly makes the song: And you know what I mean. Fittingly, this song kicked off the group’s first album, which itself has plenty of Aries “HELLO I AM HERE TO MAKE A MARK ON YOUR WORLD! (like me plz ok? this is my heart and i am Doing My Best??)” energy. 

Taurus—“All I’ve Got to Do"

A song that takes its sweet time but burrows deeper than the average ear-worm into your consciousness. It’s a patient song that is unassuming but knows exactly what the hell it’s doing. The intensity builds bit by bit, so that you’re unaware when the power of the bridge comes crashing down. Describes the Taurean romantic ideal: lazy, loyal, cozy, constant, tender, and ever-so-true. Also, “All I’ve Got to Do” is featured on the second album, With the Beatles, which has plenty of other Bullish touches, noticeable even with a casual glance at the tracklist: “Don’t Bother Me,” “Not a Second Time,” and “Money (That’s What I Want).” 

Gemini—“She Loves You”

Paul is a Gemini Sun, and throughout his catalogue it shows. But perhaps he never topped the Twinniness of this energetic, optimistic, breathless, gossipy classic. It was composed “eye-to-eye” with John, a truly dual-authored song, and one the rare Beatles numbers where the two lead vocalists double up on every single line, in true (Nerk) Twin fashion. Also the first but definitely not the last of their many “third-person narratives,” Paul’s novelistic instead of confessional slant being distinctly a Gemini thing. The speaker in this one couldn’t be more enthusiastic about this relationship if it were already repaired, and he couldn’t be more enthusiastic about it if it were his. Love is great! People reconciling is great! You should be glad, dumbass! But the real corker? What makes this so Gemini that it hurts? Yoko has confirmed that in the early 70s, during her separation with John, she actually had Paul play agony aunt. Then, during that meetup in L.A. where they were last photographed together, Paul urged John to “apologize to her” and get back together... which he did. That’s right. "She Loves You” is not merely a Gemini’s song: it’s a Gemini’s life. 

Cancer—“Octopus’s Garden”

Ringo the Crab’s musically-complex fantasy about an underwater sanctuary where children are “happy and safe,” he and his lover can be together, and there’s “no one there to tell us what to do.” George (a triple Water sign himself, probably not-so-incidentally) always insisted that his best mate’s song Had Depths, and he himself supplied a lot of them: check out his lead guitar lines. They function as emotional counterpoint. When Ringo’s vocal line is especially wistful, the guitar is bright; when Ringo ends on a confident note, the guitar is quirky, ironic, even stiff-upper-lip pessimistic. Result: a shifting kaleidoscope of FEELS. The Moon approves. 

Leo—“Good Day Sunshine” 

Paul perfectly expresses his own Leo moon with a sublime, vibrant ode to laughter, love, and pride on a cloudless summer day. The bit in the lyrics about she knows she’s looking fine and I’m so proud to know that she is mine? That’s not marring the high tone of the song: that is part of the tone. Hear us roar! And by “roar” I mean "laugh and canoodle, coz Leo is about living the good life, bitches.” 

Virgo—“Please Please Me” 

What’s fair is forkin’ fair, mate! A exemplary blend of Virgo’s Mutable passive-aggressive sensitivity with its Elemental directness... half-critical, half-begging... plus the very sign-typical humblebragging. About their sexual prowess. Damn, Virgo. People forget how Earthy you really are sometimes. But here we are. In very Virgo fashion, instead of ditching the girl he’s decided to harangue her. On a more meta note, the Beatles were still studio virgins when they first began crafting this song, and it took several passes and incorporation of George Martin’s feedback before it became the bursting pop hit as we know it now. There’s that Virgo work ethic paying off.

Libra—“Strawberry Fields Forever”

The imagery of the title suggests an eternal harvest. But the star sign resemblance goes deeper than that: Always, no, sometimes think it’s me, but, you know, I know when it’s a dream. I think, er, no, I mean, er, yes, but it’s all wrong... that is, I think I disagree. Did you just hear your Libra roommate rambling after a joint, or did you listen to verse three of “Strawberry Fields”? Same difference. The song is absolutely lovely, as anything associated with the child of Venus should be, and innovative, as befits a Cardinal sign. Most of all, even in all of Libra Sun John’s weighing and weed-wandering, he knows one thing: he’s got to take someone else along with him. A companion, stat! 

Scorpio—“While My Guitar Gently Weeps”

George of the Scorpio moon and Scorpio ascendant had to really lean into this side of his nature to even get this damn track properly recorded. He resorted to the social power play of inviting Eric frickin’ Clapton into the tense post-India studio just to get Lennon, McCartney, and Martin to give his song proper Beatle recording magic. Which it deserved. The dark drama of the hard-won arrangement is the perfect Scorpio accompaniment to the moody, reflective lyrics about “all the love there that’s sleeping” in this weary world. There’s tender, horrified pity here for those who are stifled into inauthenticity: I don’t know how nobody told you how to unfold your love. I don’t know how someone controlled you; they bought and sold you... Bonus points for the Watery ‘just can’t even’-ness of not being able to so much as pick up a damn broom. 

Sagittarius—“Something” 

You’re asking me, will my love grow? I don’t know, I don’t know! A deeply instinctual lover knows that Cupid has done hit a bullseye. He remains emphatically ambivalent about the future, but he knows what he feels in this moment, and in that moment is romance and wonder that is as deep as the earth is from the heavens. Sags are intense, but of all the Fire signs they are most far-seeing and detached (due to their Mutable quality, which makes them see the world a bit more like an Air sign does). “Something” keeps trying to capture that je-ne-sais-quoi, and despite the speaker’s happiness he can’t help but circle back again and again to take another shot at that the mental target. A philosopher even when in love. Ultimately, however, he doesn’t want to leave her now... which for a restless Sag is already saying a ton.

Capricorn—“Revolution”

John let his unfashionable midheaven Capricorn off the leash with this blunt, pointed savaging of radical and violent revolutions. (Given the tanks on Tiananmen Square and the millions dead on the killing fields of Cambodia, I can’t say that his cautionary note about “destruction” and “minds that hate” was unnecessary.) Few things are more Capricorn than ‘Oh, you want my money? Yeah, first show me that you’ve done your fucking homework, mate.’ Bonus Earth points for the fact that he somehow worked sex—a lot of sex—into this political track. 

Aquarius—“Come Together”

John of the Aquarius moon’s decidedly loony attempt to write a political campaign song in order to stop Reagan. (The result was too weird for Timothy Leary, whose reaction was pretty much ‘wtf? I don’t think even I have enough residual acid in my system for this one... ’) John invokes the ideal of collaboration, but his call to solidarity is built around fantastical lyrics that no one can comprehend: He wear no shoeshine, he got/Toejam football, he got/Monkey finger, he shoot/Coca-Cola, he say/I know you, you know me... Oh, right. The lyrics contain exactly one discernible message: One thing I can tell you is you got to be free. How Aqua. Also in true collaborative Water-Bearer fashion, the arrangement really makes the song (special mention to the tight, tight work of the rhythm section). Bizarre genius that attracts a true team effort—it doesn’t get much more Aquarius than that.

Pisces— “I Want to Tell You”

The wall of sound builds up thickly enough that soon the words seem to be traveling through the sea to reach you: I want to tell you my head is filled with things to say... But when you’re here, all those words, they seem to slip away. A gorgeously, emotionally tongue-tied song... about being tongue-tied. Written by George, a Pisces Sun, this absolute mystery of a lyric is all emotion and no logic. If he seems to act unkind, it’s only him, it’s not his mind. Okay, Fishboy. Good thing the track is compellingly lovely and utterly relatable. Which suits the Pisces life exactly: ‘I don’t know what I mean, but it’s exceedingly beautiful and I want you to share it with you very, very much.’ 

[adaodinson]

Wrong place, wrong time

Finally, here’s the second part, it’s a bit short but I think it’s not so terrible. I hope you guys enjoy it. I’m sorry it took a while for me to post it but I wasn’t getting any inspiration. I honestly hope this is good.

Here’s Part 1

Summary: You needed to get in, seal the deal and get out. That would have been easy if a certain group of three men hadn´t been making business with Selby at the same time as you were.

Relationships: (different endings, you’ll choose) Bucky x reader, Sam x reader, Zemo x reader.

Warnings: Mentions of death and past trauma.

Part 2

You rolled and twisted all night. You didn´t get one hour of sleep and Sharon was already hurrying everybody into leaving.

You would go with the guys after visiting the man that had recreated the serum, so you staying in Sharon´s apartment wasn´t an option. You wanted to argue, knowing you would only be a load, but Sam and Bucky guaranteed you would be fine, that they would protect you, so to not cause any more trouble, you agreed.

You walked as a group between the containers until Sharon found the one you were headed to. It was empty, but your love for movies and secret doors forced you to look for an entrance, and just as you were about to give up, you found it. You pushed the wall reveling a hidden door and walked through it. You were too intrigued to look behind you and catch the surprised faces Sam, Bucky and Zemo had.

-And she thought she was gonna be a load- Zemo laughed, and as much as Bucky and Sam wanted to roll their eyes at Zemo, they found themselves nodding and even chuckling in agreement.

You shortly remembered you had no way of defending yourself, so you quickly turned around and Bucky seemed to catch your thought, because he placed his hand on your back, gave you a reassuring nod and sent you to walk behind him, covering you protectively.

It was hard not to admire the metal-armed guy. Just by his actions it was pretty clear he had been through a lot, and that he wanted nothing more than to help. You knew a bit about the Avengers, only what you had seen in the news occasionally, but you didn´t know much about any of your traveling companions, only what they had told you so far.

Zemo and Sam were following closely behind you, and they too couldn´t help but admire the view they found in front of them. Sam, since Selby died, refused to let you get involved in more issues, which is why he didn´t immediately react and helped you when you were escaping, but now that you were practically stuck with them, he couldn´t help but thank Zemo for helping you, not out loud, of course. Zemo, on the other hand, had many mixed feelings. He had felt the need to protect you since he saw you, he almost laughed at how out of place you seemed when in Selby´s office. He couldn´t deny the growing feeling of wanting to know everything about you, but it was hard; he knew his wife would have wanted him to be happy and move on, but he was sure that, giving the circumstances, he had no chance with you.

As you got closer to your target, you heard the guy singing along a song you knew. It was hard to fight the impulse of singing as well, but you weren´t going to compromise the whole mission just to get a few seconds of one of the things you enjoyed doing the most.

Before they called the scientist out, Sam led you to a corner and asked you to stay there, he didn´t want to put you at risk. You silently obeyed.

The following events happened way too fast. Sharon warned the guys that the bounty hunters were outside; the guys got information from the scientist but lost whatever other thing he could say because Zemo shot him as Sharon arrived. You were in shock. You had never seen anyone die before, not like that, and it hurt Zemo deeply. Knowing he had to do that with you there, he hated himself for causing such hurt in you, but it had been necessary. You didn´t want to understand, you didn´t want to think about it, or talk about it. You were sure Zemo had his reasons, you didn´t justify him, at all, but you didn´t want to ask.

An explosion followed the events, and if Sam hadn´t gone back for you, you wouldn´t have heard Bucky calling your name because of the high pulsating sound that you had in your ears as a result from the explosion. Sam threw his arm around your waist and guided you out. The warm feeling of his body helped a little bit, you were more focused and the sounds returned to you.

Bucky and Sam were arguing about god knows what when you saw him. Zemo was wearing a purple mask (that you would have found insanely hot if he hadn´t just shot a guy). He was racing on top of the containers, and in agile and fast movements he knocked three guys and caused an explosion (you didn´t see how) that got rid of the other ones.

It was Bucky´s turn to grab your hand and lead you to a container, where Sam, Sharon, Bucky and you hid until you heard a roar and wheels squealing. You walked outside with a puzzled gaze, and you couldn´t help the laughter that came out from you as you saw Zemo in a beautiful, shining car.

-Fully charged- he said with a huge smirk as he winked at you. You giggled like a schoolgirl and hoped no one had noticed the redness in your cheeks. You headed for the front seat, and from the inside Zemo opened the door for you. Sharon said goodbye and walked away.

-I apologize, it wasn´t my intention for you to see that- Zemo said softly and with a truthfully regretful face. He was talking about him shooting the doctor.

-Look, I won´t say I understand, but again, I know nothing about what´s going on so I´m not gonna judge you. I might be a complete pacifist, but I can understand we all have our reasons to do what we do, and, well, you are consistent in your words and actions-.

Sam and Bucky were fighting about who would take which place, but as they heard the conversation going on between you and the Baron, they both stopped to listen. Zemo looked at you, waiting for you to elaborate.

-What I mean is, you said you believe the serum needs to be destroyed, so ending the person that knew how to recreate it seems like a step for that- Zemo was left speechless. You made it clear you didn´t agree or approve of what he did, but you were still saying you tried to understand, and you recognized you weren´t one to judge him. Each time you opened your mouth, the three were stunned. For a moment, Bucky told himself you would be an ideal person to talk to about everything he had gone through, if you tried to understand Zemo, maybe you would be able to help him to stop seeing himself as a monster, but he quickly scolded himself for having that thought, remembering he knew you from less than two days.

You were now inside Zemo´s jet. To say you were impressed was a complete understatement. You had never seen such luxury, and your three new friends find it insanely cute how you got excited over a fancy glass of champagne, and how much you praised Oeznik for the wine he offered.

Shortly after, you were all at Riga. Bucky excused himself and went for a walk, and Zemo showed the safehouse you would be staying at. It was small, but still managed to be fancier than all the houses you had ever lived in. It was cozy and you had a room of your own, thing that you appreciated. You wouldn´t have been able to keep your composure if having to sleep next to any of the guys.

-Here, I sent Oeznik to buy some clothes for you- Zemo handed you three huge bags filled with what seemed to be comfortable and fashionable clothes.

-Wait, what? Oh you didn´t have to, here I´ll pay you for them and please, where´s Oeznik? I need to thank him as well…-Zemo didn´t let you continue.

-Hey, these are on me, and you can thank Oeznik tomorrow, he´s staying somewhere else, for his safety-. You would have argued and even tried to force Zemo to grab the money you were offering, but something on his eyes said he needed to do this for you, so instead, you hugged him.

His body felt still and hard at first, but he slowly dropped the bags he was carrying and complied. You quickly separated and headed for your room in order to change.

Once you had a fresh set of clothes, Sam and you decided to make something to eat. Pasta pesto was what you decided to make. While the pasta was cooking and after the sauce was done, you couldn´t help put cover your finger in oil and splatter it in Sam´s face. He looked at you in shock and you immediately regretted the action, feeling completely embarrassed, but before you knew, he acted.

-Oh, hell no!- he said as he smashed an egg against your head. You laughed out loud and continued looking for things to throw at him. This escalated to the point in which Zemo, that was siting calmly across the room, ended covered in flour (no, he didn´t participate in the food fight), and when Bucky arrived he could only see two children playing behind the counter.

-Guys- Bucky announced, calling you and Sam´s attention and stopping your giggles.

-The Dora Milaje are after Zemo, I managed to get you some more hours, but they aren´t happy-.

-Thank you for defending me, James- Zemo said with a smirk and Bucky just responded with a gruff.

-Wait, who are those? What will they do to Zemo?- You asked as you cleaned the cinnamon that covered your arm.

-They are Wakandan warriors, implacable ones, and they want to take Zemo back to prison- Your heart sank at the idea of not seeing him again. You looked at him with obvious sadness in your face.

-But you can stop them right? They won´t take him?- Your heartbroken voice shattered all three man, but they weren´t gonna lie to you.

-I can´t do anything, they have the right to imprison him, and nothing I do or say will change that- Bucky finished. Zemo turned to you and gave you a reassuring smile. You read his lips saying I´ll be fine, but you didin´t want to say goodbye, to any of them, why did you have to?

Taglist:

@bry-97

[camileeon]

Ayo ayo, I wanna request a matchup for Encanto! If possible, I would like both a romantic and platonic one, but if not then just romantic works!!

My name is Pebble, I am a minor, I’m bisexual and I use she/they pronouns. The only thing I would rather not have mentioned is children, specifically having them as I’ve never wanted kids before. I am 5’5, very pale and my eye bags will never leave. I also have ringletted hair that is a nightmare to take care of ;u;

I like to describe myself as chaotic good!! I love my friends a lot and tend to show my love for them through food, mostly baking. I tend to rant a lot and get very excited about my fixations but sometimes when I’m hanging out with close friends I’ll just vibe quietly.

I really like the arts, mostly drawing and singing, which is also a big reason as to why I love musicals!! My humour can be quite dark and very sarcastic. I love most animals, it’s me dream to have pets like cats, rats or goats in the future!! I adore physical affection and really like making my partners blush through compliments!! I’m kinda hard to fluster myself though. I like horror movies a lot, and I really like telling my own horror stories!!! I am very opinionated and will share my opinions a lot, especially if asked.

I do suffer with depression and may be on the spectrum or have ADHD so I’d definitely need someone who can keep up with me as it tend to result in random bouts of energy, mood swings, and moments where I just need comfort. I also tend to be interested in people with a sense of humour or drama similar to mine.

I often associate my friends with songs, colours, scents, etc. I also love showing my friends my art!! I mostly make oc’s and it’s always really fun to talk about them!! Though, despite how excited I can be, I am also introverted. I don’t like being at parties for too long and my favourite moments would probably be cuddling up to someone on a rainy day while watching horror movies

Other than that, I don’t think I have much more to mention? Sorry if it’s a lot btw, I tend to go a bit overboard with these things

YOUR MATCHUP IS...

ISABELA MADRIGAL!

° Isabela the first thought who came to my mind, period.

° She's the type of person to show her love through acts of service.

° She'd give SUCH GOOD facials and skincare to you.

° Will seriously share the same suffering because she has long ass hair as well, She's a little envious that her hair isn't like yours but LOVES to play with your hair every so often.

° Whenever there are differences in both of your opinions, she will always hear you out no matter what.

° When handling emotions, she always gives you comfort through hugs and pieces of advice and explains that no one seriously is perfect in the world and it's okay to feel that way as she realize and learned from before. She would listen if you had anything else to let out even if it took a whole day.

° You'd both share the same genre of horror movies and would also stay inside and keep cozy on a rainy day, she still is a prima donna after all and doesn't like getting her clothes wet.

° words of adoration and reassurance is her strong suit :)) as she gives them to herself everyday, telling that you are worth it and that she loves you with no limits.

@pebble-bb

[brglhobbit]

EUROVISION SONG CONTEST 2021

My Thoughts on The Final

🇨🇾 Cyprus / Elena Tsagrinou - El Diablo

Such a good choice for opening the final! I would have personally preferred Malta to open but ehhh who cares I FELL IN LOVE I FELL IN LOVE I GAVE MY HEART TO EL DIABLOOOOOO el diablooo I love this song it's so so so dumb

🇦🇱 Albania / Anxhela Peristeri - Karma

Why do I always notice Albania only in the semi finals when their boring song suddenly comes alive

🇮🇱 Israel / Eden Alene - Set Me Free

Mmeh. Ok. Idk.

🇧🇪 Belgium / Hooverphonic - The Wrong Place

I like this song a lot

🇷🇺 Russia / Manizha - Russian Woman

HER EYEBALLS I LIVE. YES. PLEASE. THANK YOU. MORE OF THIS. That gown is EXQUISITE.

🇲🇹 Malta / Destiny - Je Me Casse

This is a very good song to sing in the car!

🇵🇹 Portugal / The Black Mamba - Love Is On My Side

How did they make it to the final and will they do the Poland and get a massive amount of televotes? I hope not

🇷🇸 Serbia / Hurricane - Loco Loco

RRRAMBABBABAM I Have no idea how the lyrics are in reality but such a party!

🇬🇧 United Kingdom / James Newman - Embers

This is surprisingly good for a UK entry, the song is very good but the performance is underwhelming.

🇬🇷 Greece / Stefania - Last Dance

The more I look at this the more I hate the staging

🇨🇭 Switzerland / Gjon's Tears - Tout l'Univers

Such an excellent song I'm just afraid the performance is just a tiny bit too eccentric for an average casual viewer

🇮🇸 Iceland / Da∂i Freyr og Gagnamagni∂ - 10 Years

They're having so much fun I can tell!! I love that it's his family and friends and this whole thing is so cozy

🇪🇸 Spain / Blas Cantó - Voy A Querdarme

I don't hate this but like he had so much better song last year, this is just feels cheesy and I don't even understand the lyrics.

🇲🇩 Moldova / Natalia Gordienko - SUGAR

Yassss queeeen slaaaay

🇩🇪 Germany / Jendrik - I Don't Feel Hate

Gotta love the wiggle! I like this it's so cute

🇫🇮 Finland / Blind Channel - Dark Side

SUOMI PERKELE #JOIN #SÖIN

🇧🇬 Bulgaria / Victoria - Growing Up is Getting Old

Still boring. I mean sure it's a nice lovely song but mmmm not my cup of whatever

🇱🇹 Lithuania / The Roop - Discoteque

I need more yellow in my life

🇺🇦 Ukraine / Go_A - Shum

The only one that matters

🇫🇷 France / Barbara Pravi - Voilà

She is so beautiful her voice is so beautiful the song is beautiful voila douze points omelette du fromage

🇦🇿 Azerbaijan / Efendi - Mata Hari

This is imo the best of the dance songs especially the end is SO GOOOOOOD I AM SPINNING MY HAIR

🇳🇴 Norway / TIX - Fallen Angel

Most likeable person award goes to... But yea the song isn't too special.

🇳🇱 The Netherlands (Hosts) / Jeangu Macrooy - Birth of a New Age

So colourful! This stands out! The dancer is incredible!

🇮🇹 Italy / Måneskin - Zitti E Buoni

AAAAAAAAAAAAA the drummer has such gorgeous hair like hair goals absolutely yes gawd also please listen to their song I WANNA BE YOUR SLAVE ITS EVEN BETTER THAN ZITTI E BUONI ok

🇸🇪 Sweden / Tusse - Voices

Wooow Sweden. I've said it before and I say it again the songwriters brainstormed all the clichés they could think of and organised them into a song and this is the result. Why it's always _in the rain_ please somebody tell me

🇸🇲San Marino / Senhit - Adrenalina

Valentina prepare that garden.

I'm so sad Denmark didn't qualify but overall I'm so happy with this whole final and it's so good to have a real Eurovision again!! So many good acts! I have no idea who's going to win (ok Ukraine or Finland please)!