#still finding a consistent way to draw these dweebs

[shigeoreum]

mfw the captains shirtless again mid mission and now i got fuzzy illogical thoughts not suitable for the workplace environment

[studiothetics]

Drawing People 2

Expecto patronum, my dude. It’s me, Evan! I am but a humble visitor in your land of tumbling, so I do not mean to presume, but perhaps the “long post” tag applied to my last missive means verbosity hath claimed my tongue, once again. Let me see if I can make the second act of this drama a little snappier.

these folks got basic, boring poses so I could use them as simple mannequins. Drawing like this out of my head is fun, but kind of time consuming. Doing a thorough job of the figure before clothing it shortens the time a good bit, and keeping the pose pretty simple removes any demand of the fabric to do difficult things.

Who this? Can’t tell you. Why this? Experimentation! These drawings were great test beds to answer questions about rendering: what kinda stuff works with characters in this idiom, what kind of linework, what level of detail, etc. But on the other side of the arbitrary distinction I’ve just decided to conjure are compositional questions. God I love that word. Composition — The sum of a picture.

Art history, and particular commercial art history has so many good answers to compositional questions, and a lot of their answers make a lot of sense for visual novels, what with commercial art often needing to wrangle decoration and flatness with representational stuff. I’m partial to the solutions of your Muchas Alphonse and kin, but that sort of density and curation of parts is only possible when you’re working with a single picture at a time. Duh, you say and I concur. We have to do more modular stuff, especially if we're going for a high level of detail, and we’re splitting up character and background duties. We needed to find ways of simplifying, modularizing and keeping things unified.

Western commerical art in the late 1800s is really a zenith of single-picture making in my books. It seems to me that there was an endless variety of exciting design exploration supported by real chops.

Luckily commercial art has some answers to this as well. Ya’ll heard of the Weiner Werkstatte? How about John Austen? Oh you’re a connoisseur are you? You’re a quite hip individual? Well then, you heard of Carl Otto Czeschka? (I dunno if that’s actually a deep cut.) Here are some common themes between them. Flatten space, use only a few distinct values and colors and use heavy blacks to unify the picture. 

Aside from these general ideas, we were specifically interested in Austen’s use of orthogonal perspective. It seemed like a really natural fit — centering the picture on the characters with the world as framing, it’s flatness generating less friction with textual and decorative elements and giving us a pretty consistent format to interface foreground and background elements. Hypothetically it gave us a tremendous amount and demanded less work… Hypothetically.

Pyrga didn’t wind up actually featuring in the prototype but I still love the big weirdo. A compositional feature you might not notice unless you a comp dweeb is that they're not fully balanced pictorially. They very much need an answer to their left, preferably above their shoulder. I tried to carry this compositional incompleteness forward with every asset so they would mesh well with one another and even if they were solo, there would be a visual relation with the background.

So bam. heavy blacks, less variety in the linework, very few colors and orthogonal perspective. There are things that work well here: being attentive to the turning edge of the shadows gives it a flavor I don’t see many places, and aiming for more naturalism gets it out of the Hades/Hellboy sorta cartoony zone that it was trending toward initially.

There are problems, too. I’m not good enough to get that level of naturalism out of my head with any kind of speed so I needed reference. With this character, that’s sort of ok. They're kindof an amorphous blob of fabric and that’s just fine for kit bashing different references and imagined bits and whatnot, but other characters have much more, let’s say definite garments. Secondly the spot blacks pose a real issue for decoration, they wind up needing to override any kind of patterning, and the linework on turning edges winds up noising up and cluttering things. The lack of line opacity and overall brush size is also making some detail work challenging, but I wasn’t quite sure how else to get the linework readable with the asset scaled at different sizes.

Now all this stuff shoulda given me pause, but there were a lot of plates to keep spinning. We were in the thick of writing, I was bouncing between finishing up other designs and trying to get the UI on track, yada yada. Petra was on the mind, as well. We were missing some key things for her — A mask and a cloak.

Designing this mask coincided with a push for more overtly greek looking stuff, so I was thinking of how to style a sort of blank face after typical greek statue face forms.

What good is a mask to a very overpowered warrior? Our answer was threat display, what with Petra often fighting enemies that wouldn’t be repelled by armor. This was something to stop hapless goons from running into the three toothed meatgrinder. So the question is what’s scary, then? What’s badass enough you don’t wanna fuck with the person wearing it?

It’s nice to do a little painting every now and then. 90% of this project h linework and flat color. Here the painting was particularly useful to communicate the form to future me who’d have to draw it from a lot of angles.

Turns out neither of us wanna fuck with the Hydratic's eponymous Hydra. It’s a pretty obvious subject in retrospect, what with Petra being a state zealot, but the thought of making that her mask didn’t come up till quite late, likely because in my head the Hydratics were a fundamentally 2d people — wouldn’t you know, turning a 2d idea 3d gave it a lot of personality.

A sasha sketch page. They had a lot of really fascinating ideas about Hydratic garments that made so much sense for their history.

The mask design was pretty straightforward all things considered. But the cloak… Sasha and I had been trading sketches of just what to do with that fuckin thing for like months. It was a complex problem because there were a lot of bases to hit. The Hydratics are modern, sporty, military, brand heavy, decorative, flat, uninterested in veneration. Petra is workmanlike, zealous, uncharmed by culture, physical, and at a pinnacle of hydratic military service. We need some indications of greek-ness no matter what, but we shouldn’t be too greek cause reasons. Getting these competing elements to all work together became a very interesting puzzle. How would you solve this?

For us the answer actually came outta watching 1917 a while back. Both Petra and Io are supposed to have a couple cues that liken them to ww1 soldiers, their experience in the apocalyptic conflict sharing some character with 1917’s hellish proceedings. This got me thinking about more dedicated military gear, and a slightly different character to Hyrdratic warriors. What of instead of hoplites, they were more like riflemen?

This almost looks like concept art!

In research, I’d found a genre of eastern european military poncho/cape thingies that really worked. They got armholes so the soldier can handle their firearms while still wearing it, it doubles as a tent, it’s rugged, it’s got kind of a rigid silhouette but it can be worn in interesting ways to break up the figure, and importantly, it’s got a whole lot of real estate what you could jam Hydratic Icons on. It’s a perfect fit for Petra who’s traveled Greece fighting monsters and champions. Her spears even work as tentpoles!

I can’t say I’m 100% happy with the final design (pictured at the front of part 1) but good golly it’s a hellofalot closer to the goal than what we were cooking up before. So I think we can call this a draw. Some problems on the style front, some solutions on the character design front. But the damoclesian sword of asset-completion hangs large above our heads, dear reader. Oh dam I think that means there gonna be a part 3! Good golly! Check back in soon for the laborious conclusion to this junk where I do a full process breakdown of an asset.

[ddaenggtan]

are you gonna do anything for kookie's birthday?? i know a lot of writers are and i was hoping you might be one of them :)

I don’t have anything, tbh, because I’ve been mostly working on my fic for the Love Yourself Collab (which you should def check out bc I know at least one or two have posted theirs and I’m so hype to read them!!) and the sequel to mechanic!joon from the poll a while back. 

I will give you this crumb though, for everyone who read Chasing Butterflies and thoroughly enjoyed it the way I did. 

“I just don’t get it,” Nayun says as she straps her pads on. Jisoo doesn’t react and Rose looks like she might actually kick your asses if you aren’t on the court in ten seconds. “What do you not get? Like what about this situation is confusing?” You ask. “I’m whipped for Jungkook, we been knew, and he’s apparently through some great act of mercy also whipped for me, and he’s bringing every single one of his nerd friends to the match today. Which isn’t at all nerve-wracking. Whatsoever.”

Jisoo rolls her eyes and tugs harder at your laces. She always does your laces, she’s the only one with the upper body strength to tie the things well. You think she might actually be moonlighting as a secret BDSM dominatrix just based on the way she handles them. 

“No, I don’t get why you’re nervous. He’s seen you play before, didn’t he tell you that he tries to come to as many home games as possible? And his friends know nothing about the sport, they won’t know if you fuck it up.”

“Which you won’t,” Rose says from the door. "Because you’re good at this.”

“And because you’ll kill me if I fuck it up.” She doesn’t respond verbally, but the look she sends you radiates ‘yeah and what about it’ energy. “Look, I’m just...scared of disappointing his friends. He talks me up all the time apparently, and if they get bored or are unimpressed then...”

“What, you think he’s gonna break up with you?” Jisoo’s tone is teasing, but when she looks up to see the insecuirty on your face, she softens. “You put on a cosplay for him, and he’s liked you for almost as long as you’ve liked him. I don’t think he’s going anywhere.”  

You just nod, tugging at the laces as she finishes tying them. Realistically, you know she’s right. It’s been a couple months since that night in your apartment, and things have only gotten better. He still comes to the coffee-shop to hang out with his dweeb friends, even if he does spend the time waiting for them talking to you now. He still watches his dumbass anime, thoroughly enjoying your flat-screen to do so, even if he gets consistently distracted by the way you lay in his lap. You talk about your practices that he knows a fair bit about because of some anime, he tells you about his nerd shit that you don’t understand but enjoy hearing about anyway, you help him with his essays and he helps you with Organic Chem, and you even buy him little cupcakes every time he gets a new comment on his fanfic. Things between you are good.

You have no reason to worry, you decide as you push out of the locker rooms and head to the court to get warmups started. You spot him, sitting with his group of friends beside where Jimin and Taehyung sit with the rest of the guys’ team to watch your game. Your boyfriend - your whole chest gets warms as you think it, and you let yourself bask in it for a minute because it took three fucking years to get - looks adorable today; big, round glasses, with that soft beanie and a softer looking shirt. It’s got some kind of weird pumpkin(?) on it, with a point and sharp teeth and the back has a scythe and you vaguely recognize it. You’re pretty sure he watched it at your apartment a few days ago, but you also had his dick in your mouth, so you weren’t paying much attention to anything else. 

You wave back when he waves at you, big and excited and cute, and you’re once again hit with the urge to cover him in kisses while also maybe dangling him off a fifty-story building. His nose scrunches in that way you love and you ignore the way it has your stomach flipping. 

Rose pelts a ball at you and you catch it on sheer instinct. 

“Are you actually going to warm up or are you gonna be entirely useless today?” She asks. You glare at her and throw the ball back in response. If you didn’t have firsthand experience with how good she is, you’d wish she was your opponent so you could wipe the smirk off her face. 

Warmups go well. The team you’re supposed to be playing is good, supposedly pretty well-matched to your own, and you’re excited to see if it holds true. They don’t look especially intimidating. The biggest threat seems to be their captain - which is true for your team as well, Rose is terrifying - and there are a couple girls milling around in jackets and over-shirts. One in particular catches your notice; as you look, you realize it’s because Jungkook has the same jacket. Black, with a big-ass Old-English-styled L on the back of it, and some kind of writing you can’t see on the front and can’t remember from Jungkook’s, small and in the corner where logos usually go. 

You make a note to ask which anime that’s from, just to know in the future, and return to your warmups. 

The game itself is...well, it’s challenging. The other teams is as well-practiced as yours, they’re balanced against you pretty well, and all of you are enjoying the competition almost as much as you’re frustrated that you aren’t getting anywhere. Their captain - a shorter girl with pretty eyes and dimples - is an absolute beast and Rose looks simultaneously enraged and turned on, and Weeb Girl has been blocking you at every turn. She volleys every serve you give, manages to block every spike without fail, and you can respect that she’s good at this, but you’re also really fucking frustrated. 

It’s the end of the second set and both teams are ready for the ten minute break. You’re in the process of trying to drown yourself in your Gatorade bottle and really considering using the stuff to summon some kind of demon just so you can win the game, go home, stuff yourself with cheap burgers, and then fuck your boyfriend because you could tell from his face at one point that he was getting worked up watching you play, but before you can you catch sight of your friends whispering quietly to themselves. 

It screams ‘hey we’re doing something really shady and don’t want you to know, maybe you should immediately storm over and find out what’s going on’ so you do exactly that. 

“What the fuck do you mean ‘should we tell her?’“ You demand, keeping your voice as hushed as theirs. Nayun looks repentant and sorry, Jisoo actually literally makes the emoji face with the teeth, and Rose just purses her lips and gestures over her shoulder. 

You really don’t know what you expect to see, but Jungkook hanging over the side of the bleachers to talk to Weeb Girl isn’t it. His eyes are crinkled at the corners like they do when he’s excited, his glasses are half-down his nose and in danger of falling off because you aren’t there to push them back up like he enjoys, and he’s gesturing happily to Weeb Girl. And she....she looks just as excited, twirling a piece of hair between her fingers and batting her lashes up at him as she says something else that makes him laugh. You can’t realistically hear it, it’s too crowded and noisy, but you feel it when he laughs, every time. 

“We should call the police, she’s gonna kill her,” Jisoo says morbidly from behind you. 

“No,” You respond, scoffing. Your eyes don’t draw away from where your boyfriend is talking to Weeb Girl. “No, I’m not. She can flirt all she wants, it’s fine. Yeah, she’s blocked me at every turn this game, yeah she’s kinda really pretty, and she definitely has the ass for those shorts, and she’s wearing weeb stuff that she’s probably interested in and can talk to him about, but it’s fine. I know Jungkook, he’s not gonna do anything. He’s a good guy.” And you mean it when you say it. If there’s one thing that you’re sure of in your relationship that isn’t Jungkook knowing random weeb stats, it’s that he’s loyal. You know it, deep in your bones. 

You watch as Weeb Girl steps forward, cutting off whatever Jungkook’s saying to push his glasses up his nose, giggling as she does. Your fingers twitch because yes, that is your job, not hers, but it’s fine. It’s absolutely fine. Until her captain calls her back and she giggles again and waves, and Jungkook turns to sit and you see it. He’s got that pretty blush on his face, the one that tints his cheeks and makes him duck his head, the one you love so much but especially when you’re riding him and can get him to break out of the dominant persona he loves and turn pink with your words. 

And you know that your boyfriend is loyal and sweet and wonderful, can tell by the way he searches for you and melts into a smile like the ice cream you’re pretty sure you forgot to put back in your freezer before you had to rush out to get to this game. But pushing his glasses up is your job and that is your blush and you aren’t about to let some weeb queen take it from you. 

Rose looks pleased as you all take the court again. Jisoo looks convinced you’re gonna kill Weeb Girl, and you won’t lie; you’re definitely trying to see if you can will someone to set fire with only the power of your brain as you stare her down across the net. She looks entirely too pleased with herself and even dares to send a quick glance and a shy smile off at where you know Jungkook sits behind you, and you wish - not for the first time in your life - that you had Harry Potter powers and could just Crucio this fucker right now. 

Alas, you’re gonna have to settle for slamming a volleyball into her face. 

Nayun looks horrified at the sight, but you can tell Rose is holding back a smile even as the ref gives you a penalty that you willingly take. Weeb Girl looks pissed and also a little confused. Logically it’s not her fault that she chose to flirt with your weeb; and you can’t even fault her for it, because he’s gorgeous and sweet and perfect, but god damn what a day to do it. 

Throughout the rest of the third set, you’re basically unstoppable. You score three times on her, and you take a sick pleasure in the bruise that’s already forming under her eye. Her entire team looks confused, and you are too, because none of you are sure of where this sudden burst of skill and fury is coming from, but you’re determined to ride it out for as long as it lasts. 

When the game’s over, your entire team crowds you to celebrate. You’re a good player, you don’t have any allusions to that, but you’re also pretty much just reliably good. You’ve never played like that, not in your entire life, and you’re thriving with the knowledge that you even can. 

When they finally back up, you bolt before they can throw Gatorade on you, already climbing the stands. Jimin laughs as you shove him to the side, and you decide to feel guilty about the way he almost falls later, because right now you’re on a mission. You straddle the stand and fist one hand in Jungkook’s shirt, pulling him into a heated kiss that he doesn’t hesitate to return. In seconds you’re almost on his lap, one of his hands gripping your jaw so he lick into your mouth the way he likes while your free hand tangles in his hair. When you eventually pull back, he settles soft kisses along your jaw and you take great pride in looking straight at Weeb Girl. She doesn’t look mad, exactly; more resigned and slightly impressed, and you send her a wink that makes her roll her eyes. 

“Hey,” You whisper to Jungkook. He detaches himself from the mark he was determined to make behind your ear, and you revel in the blush on his face. It spreads across his face and along to the tips of his ears, and you want nothing more to than to make is spread further. “You wanna go put on some Haikyuu and break in your new mattress?” 

You don’t think you’ve ever left a game that fast in your life. 

[fatedroses]

Faustus’ Story

Alright, because @lunarpaps asked for me to go into more detail behind the changes I’ve made for this characters story.

I’m going to make one, albeit long, post going through the timeline and actually have this written out for anyone curious on this characters story and how at least for my canon he fits into the world as a whole.

Alright, starting off are the major changes I’ve made in terms of the story I’ve already written and posted on here, or may have referenced. I may end up linking on an oc page or something similar to this post, and after I get this posted I will most likely end up drawing snippets of the events, cause this also inspired me to do so anyways.

Changes, and anything that I forgot will be added in a reblog later on:

With Liam returning for this version, Hugrim, and most of the decisions involving him, is going to be with and between him and Sarath. This is better just because him and Sarath have better chemistry with each other, and I’ll eventually get around to their stories after I get them more solidified. I’ll admit that writing the initial relationship between him and Faustus just didn’t seem to flow the way I wanted it to, and that I’m more satisfied with this direction, and it lets all of them get a happier ending.

Faustus is more of an emissary and ally to the Vanguards rather than an outright leader, I want his position as a Greyguard to be more relevant to his character and therefore Felicity is going to take his older role in the council of the Vanguards, a better fit considering her role in the Kirin Tor and her relationship with Praeragos. I guess Faustus technically takes the role as one of the adventurers due to his interactions with Genn and his tasks often delivering messages and running errands, but whatever.

Because Faustus would in turn be spending more time both between Darnassus and Stormwind, and later Kul Tiras, when he isn’t on any assignments because of his position, I plan on him having more interactions and development with Anduin, Mathias, Varian, etc. I’ve been able to affirm to myself that it’s alright writing dynamics between these characters, cause I’m a dweeb and steered away from that for whatever reason. 

In turn I get to explore his reaction and interactions to the events that happened, both that he was and wasn’t there for. For example him traveling to Northrend with Felicity and a few others to learn of what happened as a person alongside his team, from a bystander’s point of view in his off time with the Vanguards. To then participating in the search for Anduin during MoP, as an active member of the alliance and as someone who would’ve went searching for the missing prince regardless of his allegiances or not. By originally putting him in a situation where he had to be in a consistently neutral environment it made him going out into these new situations difficult to write for, as it made trying to get the information for these places hard to actually write in a way that made sense.

Now seen with the “Dynamic Duo” piece that was posted before this post, Faustus’ affinity for magic and the situation with being a spellblade/mage-rogue combo is going to be something that took effect far earlier in his story. With him and his brother, and in turn his mother and his father respectively, the boys took after their parents, with Faustus showing traits of magical prowess while Pheles showed traits of druidic prowess at an early age. After the fire Faustus then later gets training on magic from Felicity, her parents, and Ashton, and he specializes in Ashton’s practice of magic which is close ranged, portals, and enchantment. However in most cases he’s on active duty he tends to focus on using it for teleportation and avoiding the long ass boat rides when he has the ability and energy to. Speaking of Pheles, I’m leaning towards making the two twins, just because the year difference really doesn’t make too much of an impact and this fits a bit better.

Krennan takes Faustus in as an adopted son rather than having him just kinda stick around the castle like it was previous planned/implied. It gives me an excuse to give Krennan more attention due to the fact I was already interested in the character beforehand. It also gives Faustus the opportunity to build his relationships with the royals and Felicity more organically than it was before.

The story behind Faustus losing his arm has been tweaked, but that’ll be explained more in depth during the story section of this post. I also plan on redrawing the pieces that went with it as well. Hex is still the main antagonist of that arc, and it’s still a decisive sacrifice Faustus makes, it’s just the events beforehand and afterwards are a bit different.

————

For the sake of having this all in one place, I’m also going to have the entire story written out. When I tagged this as a long post, I meant it. I might tweak a few things in the future, but this is what is what I’m running with for the time being. This also includes the story of his parents due to their relevance in setting up the events that happen later on.

Story:

Parents and Childhood (Ages 0-10):

Born to Ilaise and Cedius Erthwal, Faustus and Pheles’ life started out rather average, and they were planned to be raised in Gilneas. Ilaise, born and raised in Gilneas herself met her husband Cedius during a trip to Boralus. The druid was taking his monthly trip to the market for supplies to aid in his research over the cycle of regrowth and decay, driven by his fascination with the Cenarion druid circles spurred on by an encounter with Sarath as well as other traveling druids. Ilaise herself was working alongside Ashton Wythers, another mage of the Kirin Tor, in finding the limits of their magical ability, and was known in her own town of Emberstone as a rather renowned hunter that earned her a friendship with Mia before the would be queen was courted by and got married with Genn. In learning of each other’s studies they hit it off, eventually leading to Ilaise offering to bring Cedius to Gilneas, which he heartily agrees, wanting to get away from Drustvar due to some history, and family, the druid wanted to get away from. 

However Cedius, in his move across the seas, was still going to need a decent size of land to continue his studies. Thanks to Mia granting them a closer audience with both Genn and his father, they were granted a section of land, a farm estate that was to be built by the two north of the city, given their own resources of the forest and whatever land they needed, so long as any food and lumber grown was produced in benefit to Gilneas and her people. Cedius took this offer gladly, as the efforts of mass regrowth of crops and ensuring that it didn’t negatively impact the areas surrounding it was a part of his research. Genn, in his curiosity in seeing that if this plan would work, brought him to investigate it frequently, eventually leading to his cordial friendship with Cedius.

As the years went on in this arrangement, in both his relationship with Ilaise and the regrowth project on the farmland, went well. Him and Ilaise got married after Ilaise returned from aiding the other human settlements against the first horde, lending her duties over to her colleague Ashton who took her place fighting so that she could settle down and eventually have Faustus and Pheles with Cedius, an act she was greatly thankful for. Genn and Mia, busy with raising their own children, and with the situation regarding the surrounding kingdoms, found themselves being able to visit their friends less and less, though they were able to visit each other during the birthdays of their children.

The brothers themselves found friendship in each other and the other children of Emberstone, which was nearby. They had met the Greymane siblings beforehand, but due to the distance and the ever nearing conflicts they didn’t really have the opportunity to get to know each other well. Faustus found at a young age that he had an affinity for the arcane trying to save a vase that tipped off the table. This was much to his father’s amusement having to leap after his son and the vase to actually save the situation, only for Ilaise to run in with a very confused dirt covered Pheles from their trip to their own private garden, discovering that the boys had the affinity of the opposite “preferred parent”, a joke among the two. This led to the boys getting some rather rudimentary training alongside their education, turning the rather mischievous pair even worse in their tricks as it helped Faustus honed his ability to blink short distances, which made him almost impossible to catch, and Pheles had a rather special focus on growing roots that often led to Cedius tripping and landing face first in the dirt, as well as jumpscaring both parents as he found his natural talent in the bear druid form.

Unfortunately Cedius’s history ended up catching up to him as his brother, known only to others as Hex, had hunted him down to Gilneas alongside several members of the cult. With Hex’s intention to either force his brother to use his druidic prowess in strengthening the reach of the blighted lands back in Drustvar and bringing about the return of Gorak Tul, or die. He started a fire at the base of the house, which was first discovered by Pheles, who ran to get his father to alert him about it. With the aid of his accomplices the fire spread quicker than usual, making it difficult for Ilaise to try and put it out as everything she tried to do only seemed to come back tenfold. This only got worse as the roof started to collapse, which ended pinning Faustus under a beam. Cedius had went off to try and find the source up until he encountered his brother, refusing his offer almost immediately and trying to call upon some wicker constructs to defend himself, and while Ilaise had managed to keep the fire from burning Faustus, he was too panicked in his young age to try and blink out from the debris until Ilaise was able to lift the beam a bit and Pheles pulled him out. As they tried to escape the house Ilaise pushed the boys away from more falling debris, sacrificing herself and getting herself pinned so that the two could escape by Faustus blinking both of them away, and they started to run to get help. Hex elected to leave his weakened brother to his colleagues to chase after the boys, believing that if they were in immediate danger Cedius would agree. Instead Cedius watched on as Pheles tripped Hex with roots along the dirt path, knocking his mask off so that they could both run away and so that Faustus could nail Hex in the nose with a rock, catching him off guard so that Pheles could attempt to carry his brother off on his back. One important piece that both Ilaise and Hex didn’t realize was that Pheles had taken his father’s very important research journal with him as well.

This only enraged Hex more, knowing that even if his colleagues succeeded in their attempt to now assassinate Ilaise and Cedius that the brothers would become issues later on. So he gave chase. Pheles found that drawing the pyromancer into the city was a bad idea, and threw Faustus off his back, electing to attempt to maul Hex’s legs before running off in another direction, while Faustus ran off in another direction. Hex went after Faustus however, as he was still injured by getting pinned. Pheles ran off towards the harbor, catching the attention of one of the Kul Tiran vessels that had their own druid working up in the crows nest. The crew took Pheles in, and sent their druid to go help his brother. This druid, Silvio, managed to catch up to Hex, clawing at his face in his bird form and giving Faustus enough time to run into the city of Gilneas and hide before Silvio himself flew off, leaving Hex to deal with his wounds and return to the burning home before he could manage to get caught by any city guards sent his way.

Hex and his colleagues made sure that Ilaise and Cedius were dead before returning to Drustvar, not knowing however that before their deaths they had bound themselves to the hearth, making their spirits remain on Azeroth and defeating their purpose of making them useless in death. Pheles joined the crew on their voyage back to Kul Tiras, much to the captain’s chargin but that aside he would eventually be taken to Ulfar by Silvio to learn the ways of the Thornspeaker, and gave Pheles an opportunity to learn more about his father from his old teacher before eventually returning to that vessel to join the captain in learning to become one. Finally Faustus went into hiding, becoming paranoid that Hex would be able to find him again, or that those around him could give him up to him, and isolated himself, finding his life as stealing food from stalls and blinking away before anyone noticed and hiding away in the empty unused water pipes that surrounded the city. Genn was alerted to the fire by his guard, leaving Liam and Tess in the care of Krennan before they went to investigate, only to find the home and farmland in ash, all of Cedius work was gone, and the now-king himself found Ilaise and Cedius inside the home, hand in hand with each other, and realized as because he couldn’t find the boys that they were still out there somewhere.

Adolescence and the Greyguard (Ages 10-25):

Faustus spent a couple months in hiding, avoiding anyone he deemed as untrustworthy, which due to his paranoia from the entire situation beforehand and being separated from his parents and brother, was just about everyone. Genn, Mia, Krennan, and Krennan’s charge and family friend Felicity would try to go looking for him after getting a letter from Kul Tiras stating that Pheles was found and safe. Felicity herself found that she could get glimpses of Faustus and the directions he went off to, but due to him using his arcane abilities to get away, and for him himself discovering he could hide himself using magic, making him difficult to hunt down.

After awhile, as Genn, Mia, Tess, and Liam were taking a trip through the city, Liam finds that the bracelet given by his mother was gone from his wrist. Knowing that it hadn’t had fallen he looked around, spotting Faustus backing up and running away from the group. Offended at the theft of his heirloom, Liam went after him, Tess immediately following her brother and making Genn and Mia panic for a moment before running after them. The siblings managed to chase him into an alleyway, and nearly succeeded in cornering him had he not tried to blink away. He was quickly caught by Genn when he and Mia caught up, and with Mia’s help they managed to calm him down enough to be able to bring him to Krennan. There the siblings and Felicity stayed with Faustus as the adults talked, and for the first time in a while, thanks to three cracking small jokes trying to get Faustus to at least laugh, they actually succeeded, and while they couldn’t get him to talk he at least accepted staying close to them. Faustus gave Liam his bracelet back as a silent apology, and after a bit of discussion Krennan came to him offering to take him in and adopt him. Faustus gave it some thought, grabbed Felicity’s arm and nodding with a quiet yes.

Faustus had a relatively normal rest of his childhood, though he continued to have paranoia and nightmares about Hex. This also started his and Felicity’s close friendship after they started living in the same house, Felicity thought that she was basically chosen after Faustus agreed to stay, and they bonded over their studies in magic, which Felicity was able to share her resources about it with him. They both also bonded with Krennan, often helping him around with his alchemy by going to the market to get herbs and having him teach them both their general education and alchemy. These two also spent time with the royal siblings thanks to Krennan often visiting Genn for both personal and professional reasons, Tess herself found it fascinating that Faustus was able to pickpocket Liam without anyone noticing, and Liam himself wanted to learn about Faustus more, as he often remembered seeing Cedius come to the manor once in a while but never really got the chance to talk. Felicity herself already knew the siblings well due to the amount of time she had already spent with Krennan beforehand.

As time went on, with Faustus reaching his teens, the four became a very tight knit group. Liam trained under his mother in becoming a hunter, finding after a good amount of training that he was quite a remarkable marksmen. Felicity decided not to focus her studies towards the offensive uses of magic, and instead aimed to one day improve the kingdom itself through her own inventions and such. Faustus found that he had a mark for design and engineering, often helping Felicity with her plans, but he also aimed to become a Greyguard after having an opportunity to watch them train, as well as him watching Genn and Darius train with each other several times before. Genn agreed to help Faustus train, as well as introduce him to some of his spymasters so that he could learn the ways of a rogue, considering how he was built he was suited for it. This also led to Faustus passing off the knowledge he had to the younger Tess, helping her start down her path of roguishness without, for the most part, Genn knowing, until she started training down that path as she got older.

Faust devoted himself to earning his place among the Greyguard, as with the more time he spent with them he found his own purpose with them. As the Greymanes had given him their time and effort to look for and out for him, he found that the only way to repay that in a way he would be satisfied with was to devote his life to giving them the protection that he was never able to give his parents and brother because of his inexperience and young age, In that way he could set aside the feelings and failures he felt as a child and instead had the opportunity to spend time with those he really cares about and be at peace with himself. His devotion eventually earned him the position of being Liam and Tess’s retainer, passed off by his main mentor Sibran, and it gave him the ability to just hang out with them while helping his superiors out on their duties when he could as a decision made by Genn so that the boy could still have a generally normal youth without having to worry about issues that brought him into constant danger or away from those close to him. Liam and Faustus also started getting even closer around this time, often found training with each other, working together to create new weapons and rifles, or were out hunting and patrolling around Gilneas.

There were issues however, as after Genn made the decision to secede from the Alliance and wall off Gilneas from the rest of the other kingdoms issues began to arise that actually called Faustus’ attention, starting with an event that happened not long after the construction of the wall started and in an attempt to get everyone's mind off of it they held a winter banquet, where an angered objector tried to get retribution for losing his land to being on the other side of the wall by attacking Liam, as he was the first Greymane he saw. Faustus managed to take the hit instead, earning him the scar across his eye and a scar on his left shoulder. This started the trend of Faustus having to watch around him more often than before, especially after the rebellion started taking more of a hold and the scourge started attacking the finished north gate wall. In addition due to his talents Faustus was also tasked with trying to root out the rebellion members and finding out who was leading them, in which his attempts tended to get him in a lot of trouble when he got too close.

Though despite all the struggles that came with this era Faustus and Liam found solace in each other, a couple close calls including the attack on at the banquet pushed Liam to actually admit his feelings to Faustus, feelings Faustus shared and that they had both developed from the time they had spent at each other’s side. At first they kept it hidden, in one part knowing that if any of the opposition knew it would be easy for them to use Faustus against Liam, and by extension the other Greyguard and Genn, in another part due to general royal upbringing Liam wasn’t entirely sure how his parents would really feel about the relationship due to the standard of marrying for political benefit and the state of Gilneas’ political climate was difficult to read at the time. However, Genn and Mia are neither foolish or oblivious, and were quick to understand their situation, leading to Genn having to pull Liam aside and quell his worries that he had married Mia out of love, not out gain or political pressure, and that if he truly found that he loved Faustus that he should go with it, especially since with Gilneas isolated there wasn't really much to get political gain for. Even if their relationship didn’t become public, some still found the pair as quite an intimidating duo, as Liam was a natural born leader and a major inspiration to those who came in contact with them, and Faustus became known as a creative inventor with a knack for detective work, who got the title of being an anti-assassin.

The scourge continued to become more and more of a problem, more so than the rooted rebellion as attacks would get collectively worse, leading Genn to call in Arugal for a solution, which came to be reawakening the worgen. Faustus, Sibran, and the other greyguard found themselves as the last line of military defense against the undead. An experience Faustus almost immediately regretted when he first came in contact with an abomination, but when the worgen came to aid them, and ended up turning against the front line, Faustus ended up getting bitten in the process. Not knowing that the curse was spread by the bite, he was cleared by Sibran to return back into the city, only to fall ill and turn once he got home. Felicity was able to restrain him, and Krennan was able to make him drink a potion to knock him out, but they only had a little time to bring him to Stormglen and restrain him, away from the city in a way to keep him from hurting other people or getting himself killed by the guard or hunters. Felicity had to keep a close eye on him, and after admitting to Genn why Faustus had gone missing the three worked towards trying to find a cure or aid to the curse, their working going double time once Genn was also bitten, but with the help of Krennan and Belyrsa found ways to keep him from turning. 

Faustus was thought dead due to his absence and the fact that if they couldn’t restore his will and mind he would basically be such anyways. Liam, though distraught, wasn’t entirely convinced, and had a hope in his mind that he was still somewhere out there. Instead he put on a brave face and told others that Faustus had instead fallen very ill, which many of the Greyguard were skeptical about, but kept quiet for the sake of their prince. One day however, Tess and Liam trailed Genn and Krennan to Stormglen, waiting until they left the abandoned building they were frequenting to try and find what they were hiding, only for them to get tracked down by feral worgen. Faustus, upon hearing Felicity call out for the siblings, as well as hearing them yell out, broke from the chains keeping him from escaping. He managed to intercept the worgen before he could attack the three, holding them off until Genn was able to handle it himself. They found that after the attack was deterred, that Liam and Tess could actually calm Faustus down enough to get him to focus on them, though even if he could focus and understand what they were saying he had no way of communicating back with them. Liam and Tess, however, were relieved to find Faustus alive, even if this experience changed him in the long run.

Eventually Sarath, Hugrim, and Drulos came to investigate Cedius and Ilaise’s disappearance, as Sarath and Drulos hadn’t heard from them in a while. They found the farm, and Ilaise’s spirit ended up guiding them to Faustus where Cedius was already waiting in Stormglen. After gathering enough energy due to the direness of the situation, Cedius and Drulos were able to call upon and bargain with Goldrin. If Faustus managed to prove himself to Goldrinn, and Cedius and Ilaise agreed to act as agents of Goldrinn as they continued to traverse the mortal plane, the wild god would agree to aid Faustus in returning to being himself. As Goldrinn tested Faustus, though the man had a strong will, he found himself unable to keep his own fear and rage in check when faced with visions of Hex and the Scourge. Sarath pleaded to Goldrinn that they didn’t just leave Faustus to himself like this, and though the wild god wasn’t going to do so in the first place, he instead allowed Ilaise to separate Faustus’ rage and fury into another section of his mind and make it temporarily dormant, giving Faustus control over himself again and allowing him to return to his human form, as well as letting him have a more intimate control over his worgen form. However, as a side effect Faustus had to constantly manage his rage, as due to this separation this feral anger could manifest in both forms instead of only his worgen form, which when he was armed made him highly dangerous. The solution wasn't perfect but it gave Faustus the opportunity to one day, possibly, be at peace with himself and learn to control that fury where it mattered, rather than letting it control him.

Before going on their way to hold their end of the deal, Drulos and Sarath were able to say their final goodbyes to their old friends, the three remained to help care for Faustus as reverting from worgen form, as well as the general exertion he went through over this period of time, left him rather weak and disoriented. After they made sure their technical ‘charge’ was cared for, Sarath flew the two out the way they came, but not before Faustus came to, learned of the situation, and made Sarath promise to one day teach him orcish due to meeting Drulos and learning what the druid and two shamans did for him that day, out of respect and thankfulness.

Felicity found him not long afterwards, surprised to see him suddenly back to himself, and was in fact rather skeptical about it at first. But after finally getting himself situated, and Felicity retrieved him some clothes for him, he was finally able to return to Gilneas, luckily being able to pass off his disappearance as an illness he had to be taken to Dalaran/be under Felicity’s family’s care for. As time went on he understood how this other side of himself started to manifest, namely that it tended to appear if he couldn’t control his emotions in general, or if he went too long without giving it control. He struggled to keep it under control at first, and knowing that he was struggling with it he found himself both talking less and keeping himself away from anyone that wasn’t the royals, Sibran, or Felicity and Krennan.

Liam was a major factor in helping Faustus get back to normal, and it helped that the other side of Faustus was still Faustus at the end of the day, and even as ferocious and hard headed the beast was he still cared deeply about the same people, and will take control if he feels the way Faustus acts normally is ill-equipped to handle protecting them. Liam was commonly the person Faustus was able to vent to besides Felicity, and when Liam knew it had been a while since a manifestation he and Faustus would often go hunting, whether it would be deterring worgen or just hunting normally to bring resources to the market. It also helped that the other side also respected Liam and his ability to remain calm in the face of adversity. Eventually Faustus started meeting with Sarath and Hugrim out in the old abandoned far, and from there he started to build connections with the Vanguard, and he learned to start meditating as a way of communing with himself and starting to pull himself back together.

Years went on, and the north gate rebellion came and went, Faustus did what he could to prevent as much bloodshed as he could, but the uprising and battle took a heavy toll on both sides. Faustus himself was heavily injured when he came into contact with two of his old childhood friends from Emberstone, Elicia and Jean, who had sided with Crowley, and though he was heavily injured, he was able to get them to put down their weapons and let him help them leave the battle under the promise that he wouldn’t get them arrested, and learning that though Faustus didn’t agree with all of Genn’s actions, that he understood the king was stuck between a rock and a hard place due to his pride, his stubbornness, and the pressure of the surrounding events. This injury, an axe wound to his side, did end up restricting him for a while. It required a lot of bed rest and he was designated to playing messenger while Sibran took his role as retainer back for the meantime. Afterwards, besides the small scale worgen attacks, things went back to normal and Faustus was able to return to his duties. That was until the large scale attack on Gilneas, and as the city fell and anyone not turned was pushed back into the outskirts, it took a heavy toll on everyone involved.

Faustus was tasked with helping the Greyguard get back on track, and as Krennan actually put together the potion that was meant to aid the feral worgen, he was also tasked to aid in capturing what many came to realize as their own friends, family, and peers. Liam however took the fall hard, feeling as though he had failed his people, and with Faustus’ near constant absence, he turned to drinking away his problems (as seen in the game, holy shit Liam why), something that Faustus and Tess tried to steer him away from but the prince was too caught up in his own head to listen. Felicity herself was occupied and gone from Gilneas from helping Dalaran alongside Ashton where she could during the events in Northrend and the ensuing aftermath, and the start of the cataclysm. After the Horde’s attack on Gilneas, and Liam’s subsequent bounce back onto his feet after being in a position to help his people again, Faustus stayed by his side and supported him where he could, the future of their city looking up. Until Liam took the arrow for Genn.

Losing Liam twisted something within Faustus, and though he and the separated side of him came together enough to cooperate, he gained this silent rage and ferocity that took a while to ever go away. The anger at the attackers, and the anger at himself turned him into a ruthless machine, pushing him to retaliate hard against the forsaken not long after the initial battle. He found refuge in Tess’ sympathy and hope, and with Felicity gone and busy elsewhere she was all he had left to bring him back down to earth. It was under her guidance that he came to focus his anger towards what mattered, pushing him towards the path of becoming one with himself again. He also had help during this journey thanks to his encounters with Anduin Wrynn, who he had initially met before the summit of the alliance in Darnassus. They got along, and were able to bond over learning about the events that had happened that they were unaware of. Anduin found that Faustus was a person he could vent his worries to without judgement of ability, and Faustus found Anduin as someone he could both look up to and protect. Though Faustus struggled with the loss of someone so close to him, and the loss of his homeland, he was able to find others that would help guide him back onto his feet, and push him to keep fighting for was he thought was right.

The Alliance and Azeroth (Ages 25-Present):

Faustus mostly found himself at Genn’s side after joining the alliance, and when he wasn’t, he was running messages and errands thanks to his affinity for teleportation and portal creation. He busied himself, and almost never gave himself a break initially in order to keep his mind off the events that had happened prior. Upon some of these errands he came across people who he would aid and build connections with. He reconnected with Elicia and Jean during and after the battle for Gilneans, helping them come to terms with the worgen curse. He met Baltor, a priest known for aiding the lost and wayward spirits, when they encountered each other in the rest area of an arena ring, after Faustus was captured by pirates during a trip back to Stormwind with some of the other soldiers. Finally he met Tyraanas, a Draenei paladin, on the front against garrosh’s horde in Ashenvale. This was also the time Faustus was introduced to the Vanguards, their leader Enahlien, and the figures that led the multiple sectors of the settlement. The era of the Cataclysm was primarily providing rushed aid to the front fighting Garrosh’s horde, protecting Stormwind when needed, and providing a connection of the alliance to the Vanguards as a defacto emissary.

It was around this time that Faustus started to form his own squad, with himself, Tyraan, Baltor, Elicia, and Jean. This team was some of the first sent to look for Anduin during the start of Mists, mostly due to personal request on Faustus’ behalf (because he was both incredibly worried and anxious know that Anduin could have been in danger). It was in Pandaria that Faustus was forced to pull himself together, as at that point he risked being consumed by several of the sha, and due to his determination to work alongside his anger and be at peace with it, rather than wrangle and control it, it gave him better control over himself in general and let him aid his team in combating the influences of the sha as well. The only time this nearly fell apart during the expeditions was when he discovered Anduin’s injuries after being crushed by the bell, his doubt and anger nearly getting to him until his team was able to, in payment for him helping them in the first place, help him calm himself to prevent the sha from manifesting.

From there Faustus and his team continued their work while Anduin was recovering, but knowing that Varian was already fretting over his son Faustus instead decided to support his decision to continue to encourage his people and his allies, being overbearing was likely only going to be a detriment anyways. As the events in Pandaria progressed, Faustus bounced between aiding the front with his team where he could, and introducing his team to the Vanguards and beginning to integrate himself with them more afterwards, building connections with Adonis, Hugrim, Hugrim’s family, as well as his crew aboard the allegiance who offered to aid the efforts in Pandaria so long as they weren’t caught up in the war itself in the process.

The issues in Draenor and all the events that take place during that time was actually the period where Faustus takes a break from the front and works on his connection outside of the horde and alliance. He was able to meet the horde emissaries, a forsaken monk who merely introduced himself as Ederi, and a goblin shaman named Glekkle. A lot of what this community was working on combating was the rising influence of Hex’s cult, as well as the threat of the Legion invasion that was starting to be known as an inevitable event. Hex wanted to pull apart the Vanguards, knowing that the cult would be destroyed upon them learning of their efforts to extend the reach of Thros. This issue for Hex became even more apparent when he discovered Pheles had started working with Felicity, Sarath, and Hugrim to combat the reach of the cult, and Tul’s own covens, in Kul Tiras itself. 

So, taking this opportunity now that several of the major Vanguard leaders were absent from the citadel itself Hex waged an all out attack against the citadel, catching everyone within off guard and forcing a large scale evacuation that drove the citizen’s living within to Dalaran, and brought Faustus, Ederi, Enahlien, Verelyn, an undead priestess that constantly worked with Sarath and Hugrim known as Ainade, to stay behind and attempt to prevent the cult from taking over the citadel. The position within Arathi and the research that could be used to breach the blighted lands into Azeroth was far too important to the vanguards to just give it up. After the five were swarmed with aberrations and found themselves in a losing fight, Ederi and Ainade locked themselves within Hugrim’s garden/research building, and did what they could from keeping the thankfully fireproof building safe, the other three were urged to leave and gather their strength until they could reclaim the citadel once more. In their attempted escape the three were captured, Hex himself was the one to do so personally as his members were tasked with raided the other buildings and preparing themselves to settle there. Hex’s use of fire and wicker abominations gave Faustus little time to get the other two out before they were seriously injured, and knowing that the Vanguard needed their leaders he elected to use most of his strength to break out of the construct’s grasp, and sacrifice his arm in Hex’s attempt to behead Enahlien so that Enahlien and Verelyn could gather enough of his strength to break free and run away.

Faustus used whatever time he had thought he had left, as he was bleeding out and knew that he likely wouldn’t have enough time to escape, was able to take his pistol while Hex was distracted by the two running and shot him in the knee so that he couldn’t chase after the two, before killing him for killing his parents, ruining a large part of his life, and attempting to break apart a people whose entire foundation came from pulling together through the turmoils of separation, loss, and exile. He knew, from the fact that his father persisted after his death, that this wasn’t going to be the last of Hex, but he was dying knowing that he was either going to combat him himself if he was unable to move on, or that he had broken the Cult’s leadership down enough to give both his team and the rest of the Vanguards enough time to regroup and mount a full attack against them to get the city back.

But it wasn’t like the Vanguards to leave their allies behind, and as Praeragos and Sarath managed to temporarily drive the cult from the citadel, giving them enough time to let Sarath rescue and take Ederi and Ain to Dalaran, Praer brought the remaining three to Stormwind where there was just a slim enough chance that Faustus could be saved. After magically locking the gardens, the mage tower, and the keep so that important information that was already guarded by other means couldn’t get tampered with further, Praer had carried and flown them back by opening a portal after he broke free of the cult’s vain attempts to restrain him with briar thorns. Baltor had felt the surge of energy from the portal from his room at the old town inn and from Praer’s spirit, and urged the rest of the team to follow the dragon as he landed in the fields not far from the keep, the team keeping the guards from targeting the blue dragon as they found they had to prioritize stabilizing Faustus and figuring out what the hell had happened to have caused this in the first place.

Thanks to Baltor’s, and later some assistance of Anduin’s, healing, Faustus had survived. However his injuries had forced him to retire from his position in the greyguard, as he had to focus on his recovery, and any extensive use of magic was out of the question due to his weakened state. He instead found himself staying in Stormwind, using the empty barracks next to the embassy to organize his own team on their missions, giving them aid in the only way he was able to at the time. This barracks was also used as a temporary gathering place for the Vanguard leaders, who either worked to be granted pardon or disguised themselves so that they could walk around the city easily. From here on Faustus, his team, and the vanguard’s worked to reclaim the citadel and also prepare for the impending legion invasion once they got word of Gul’dan’s freedom. Under Faustus’ and Enahlien’s planning, the efforts towards reclaiming the citadel was a success and they were able to start pushing their efforts towards rebuilding and reinforcing their position to prevent anything like this from happening again.

About a month before the invasion several of Faustus’ peers, a gnome named Lania, Felicity, a dark iron mage named Yvena, and Ainade proposed their latest work, which was a prosthetic arm meant to be attuned to his own abilities with magic, most of which he was able to use due to actually taking the time to recover and then train himself, making sure that he was still on par in that way while also learning to defend himself with only his left hand. While it was difficult, Faustus was lucky that he was left hand dominant anyways, and after giving it some thought he accepted getting the prosthesis. He also accepted the risks of getting it, as there was a chance that his body would reject it, and the impending realization that it would hurt, and he would have to give himself time to recover again. He trusted his team however, and he had gone a long way to trust Ainade, giving that she was known within the Vanguards for her research and talent with prosthetics and replacement given her situation as an undead.

Faustus played a similar role to before after he did what he could to aid Anduin’s ascension to the throne, ignoring his own feelings to losing Varian until he was away and able to express such without impacting others. His primary contributions came from sending aid to wherever him and his men were needed, and he spent a lot of his time fighting the legion in Stormheim, while working alongside Genn during that campaign for multiple reasons, Val’sharah, aiding the druids, his brother, and Sarath against the emerald nightmare, and on Argus, fighting demons head on once he firmly established his ability and the improvements granted to him by his new arm. Faustus proved to be an accomplished leader among his friends, and his ability alongside Enahlien’s own tactical prowess made their group a force to be reckoned with against the Legion. Upon the legion’s fall and things started to settle down, Genn welcomed Faustus back into the greyguard now that Faustus was back on his feet, and he proved to be more open, happy, and out there than he was before. 

Yvena, Tyraanas, Baltor, and Elicia urged Genn to name Faustus as the commander as their slowly growing team started to expand into a small army, and as the war with the horde started to pick back up, he considered it. It wasn’t until the war of thorns, and Faustus and the Vanguard’s efforts to aid in the evacuations, that Genn considered it and accepted it once the Vanguard’s pledged their aid against, and see specifically, Sylvanas’ path of destruction. 

Getting off the topic of Faustus briefly, it was also around this time that Liam was resurrected by Alonsus after Calia herself was resurrected. As Alonsus was standing on neural ground, but saw what Sylvanas had done during the gathering, he saw it fit to send some of his priests, Baltor, Ainade, Jean, and several others, as well as several aiding paladins, to recover Liam’s body to prevent him from being used against his own old friend and the alliance as a whole due to Jean’s accounts of the prince’s marksmanship itself. A pleasant surprise however came in the form that for one reason or another Liam’s body had not decayed since his death, and whether it was true or not, Jean had proposed that it may have been from the extent of the prince’s faith in both his people and the light, while Ainade proposed that like Calia, it may have been for the purpose of the light still needing them, and that his faith itself powered that. Liam went into a form of hiding after Faol had him ensure that he would return should anything go wrong, he rejoined the alliance, making himself known to aiding the soldiers as just merely being ‘the traveler’, a masked bowmen who seemed to appear in a time of need.

Back on topic, Faustus led said group during the battle for lordaeron, offering routed support as well as acting as the extraction soldiers for the horde prisoners. They also led the retreat once the main group had went to go confront Sylvanas. Upon returning to Stormwind, Faustus set out to help set up the Vanguard’s outpost with his friends, and they were organizing their supplies and working up until Nathanos had set fire to the city and the group had to turn their efforts towards putting the fire out. An attempted assassination on Enahlien turned into a near death experience for Faustus, as he had taken an arrow meant for him by one of the diversions, but due to the amount of aid the worgen were giving to the alliance, the most arrows in the assassin’s quiver was tipped in wolf’s bane. The assassin got away, and Faustus made his team focus on putting out the fires before he almost succumbed to the poison, narrowly getting saved by Liam as he had worked with Baltor beforehand over the possible issue of wolf’s bane being used against his friends and family. Liam left Stormwind for a while after that, getting too close to being caught before his evaluation of his situation was complete. The last thing he wanted to do was give those he cared about a false hope of his return if something suddenly went wrong.

Faustus instead went with Genn to Kul Tiras as he recovered, reprising his role briefly to work as an advisor to his team, to Genn, and to his brother as the alliance worked to bring the admiralty back into the faction. After a while after the incident and Liam was cleared to be alright for the time being, he returned to Faustus and his family to reveal his resurrection, Faustus being more than ecstatic to have an old friend and long time love back, and Genn quite frankly just being glad that he can, in fact, hold his son at least one last time before anything else happened. From there Faustus and Liam became a rather terrifying due who worked together to help clear the turmoil where they could, and Liam joined the Vanguard’s and became a major inspiration and leading force against the darker reaches of the time, working instead to fight against Azeroth’s deterioration and against the horrors of the deep.

———

So, there is everything I have so far, anything else as the story progresses will be updated onto this document, and I’ll have works, stories, and art pieces to go along with all this. If the read more didn’t work, I’m sorry, but I just wanted to have this all in one comprehensive place for my own reference as well. Thank you for reading :D

[robertodacosta]

hi! this is a little embarrassing, but I want to start reading comics and I have no idea where to start. I wasn't allowed to read comics growing up so I'm not even sure where to get them. anyway ahh you just seem cool and I like your blog so I hope it's okay that I'm asking you for advice!

i’m so happy to help! when i started reading comics (about 2 years ago, now) i found the amount of comics and the sheer mass of backstory and even just the basics really overwhelming, so under the cut i went through and explained where to get comics, tips for how to start reading, and some recommendations for good comics for folks who are new to comics. if you want specific recs for specific characters, shoot me another ask and i can help with that!

Good luck, and let me know if you have any more questions, or how you like the books I recommended!

first, some basics.

a quick rundown on how comics are sold. new issues are released every wednesday, and new issues can be bought physically in comics shops or digitally. comics run in story arcs, which might be made up of 2 issues, or sometimes as many as 12 issue, depending on the comic. a while after an arc is finished, the collected issues will be released as a trade paperback (tpb). 

where do you get comics?

comic books stores tend to be pretty common, so if you prefer to read physical comics rather than digital. this website will tell you the closest stores to you. comic stores will carry newly released issues, assorted tpbs, and some have large selections of older back issues of comics that you can buy individually.i honestly only went to a comic book store for the first time this summer because i was really intimidated by them, though i’m not entirely sure why, so it’s really easy to read comics, even if you don’t have a store nearby.

you can always buy tpbs on amazon, and i know barnes and noble and some independent bookstores also carry tpbs, though in my experience b&n tends to be pretty heavy on dc/marvel, and heavy on popular characters.

for digital comics, comixology is your best friend. it covers any/all publishers, so i would just skip marvel/dc digital stores and go right here. it’s good to support the creative teams behind comics, but if you can’t afford to buy that many comics, you can read comics for free here, and download them here. comixology also offers a subscription service, comixology unlimited, that allows you immediate access to a library of digital comics, from marvel, dc, and other publishers. marvel offers marvel unlimited, a similar service, but with a wider range of marvel titles. both take a few months to upload new issues, as an incentive to both buy issues and subscribe. it’s worth noting that sales of digital comics and tpbs are counted towards official sale stats, so if you want to support a comic that’s in danger of cancellation, buying the issue at a store is the only way to have your purchase counted.

what to read?

there are so, so many comics, so i’ve recommended a handful of series that are pretty easy to get into for beginners, while still being good reads. i’ve sorted these recs by dc/marvel/indie, and included some quick notes.

full disclosure, i almost exclusively lead comics led by women, so i am not the person to ask for captain america or batman reading recommendations. luckily, most other folks are reading those characters, so it shouldn’t be too hard to find suggestions!

DC

DC rebooted their whole universe with the Rebirth initiative last year, so pretty much everything is 30 or fewer issues in right now. Rebirth was technically a reboot, but some comics do reference earlier continuity from the New 52, their previous reboot (in 2012 i think?). I’ve not read a lot of n52, and i think general consensus is that rebirth titles are much stronger than n52. Aside from these recs, the best thing to do with dc/marvel is find the characters you like, and then go read the current book that they’re in, and see how you like it!

Batwoman (2010)- Kate is a new character, and this is her original solo. There are other character in the book with long histories, but you don’t really need to know them to read it. I’d recommend reading Batwoman: Elegy first.

Batwoman: Elegy- Batwoman was introduced in an earlier comic, but this is her first collected story. 

Batwoman (2017)- I’m not caught up on this, but I would assume you can read this without having read Kate’s earlier series, if you want to start with Rebirth. Otherwise, the only thing you need to read to be caught up for this is the 2010 Batwoman solo.

Black Canary and Zatanna: Bloodspell- This is a team up story that gives you backstory on Dinah and Zatanna’s relationship, and shows them going on a mission together. It’s a graphic novel, so it’s like one very long issue.

DC Comics Bombshells- If you only read one DC comic, I’d suggest this one. It’s an alternate universe where the female heroes of the DCU all came first, as a team of super powered heroes fighting in WWII. Most of DC’s biggest female characters have significant roles, and the comic also introduces you to a bunch of slightly less well known female characters. There’s like 3 men, and almost all of the heroes are confirmed wlw, so it’s a gift, and should be treasured. The series ended earlier this summer, and is now being continued in the sequel, Bombshells United. They’re both digital first comics, which means new issues are released digitally on Fridays, and collected into print editions every third Wednesday.

The Legend of Wonder Woman- This is totally outside of main dcu continuity, and it’s a retelling of Diana’s origins as Wonder Woman in WWII. 

Trinity (2017)- Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman team up. Other characters guest star, which helps introduce you to the wider DCU. It’s fun and the art is cute.

Wonder Woman (2016)- If you enjoyed the movie, definitely read this. It has 2 storylines running simultaneously for the first 25 issues, one retelling Wonder Woman’s origins, and one set in the present, in which Diana realizes parts of her life have been lies, and sets out to discover the truth. The first few issues might be a little confusing because of this, but more because it’s intended to leave you questioning things, not because it depends on an in depth knowledge of continuity. What’s really brilliant about Greg Rucka’s run on this comic (the first 25 issues) is that WW has the least consistent history of pretty much any character, and Rucka dismissed pretty much all of the inconsistency, and streamlined Diana’s backstory. Also, Diana, Etta, and Steve are the dream team. This has been released in 4 tpbs so far, which organize the book by story arcs, instead of the original release order, which ran multiple arcs on alternating weeks.

Zatanna (2010)- this is pre-n52, but honestly all you need to know about previous continuity is that Zatanna exists. It’s one of maybe 2 solo runs she’s ever gotten, and it’s only 16 issues. It’s fun, easy to read, and Zatanna is so great, and deserves a rebirth solo.

MARVEL

Marvel is in the middle of a reboot right now, and I’m not really sure where they’re going. They’ve been on this cool initiative where a lot of classic heroes are phased out and younger, more diverse heroes take on their titles. But they’ve convinced themselves that nobody likes it and that it’s destroying sales, so they’re doing something weird right now that is very unclear. The entire universe hard rebooted about 2 years ago, following a very confusing event called Secret Wars, which was the culmination of about 3 years of ongoing plots in Avengers, New Avengers, and Fantastic Four. I’m mostly recommending ongoing runs because the hard reboot makes it pretty easy to jump on with any book. Again, for marvel comics, just find the characters you like, and read their current books!

A-Force (2016)- Gone too soon. This is the first ever women-only Avengers lineup, and it pulls heroines from all over the MU. The first couple of issues talk about secret wars (and there was an a-force mini-series during secret wars, that’s really good, but involves some knowledge of the surrounding events), but it’s navigable. It’s a really good team, and a fun comic!

Alias- It’s kind of iconic, and it’s really worth reading. This is Jessica Drew’s very first appearance in the MU, so no prior knowledge necessary. The Purple Man story that the Netflix show used draws on this comic, without replicating it. It’s a dark comic, but super good.

All New X-Factor (2014)- It’s all new, but with old X-Men characters. Character backstory doesn’t matter here, because this is a group of people who’s not really talking about their past if they can avoid it, but pretty much any relevant backstory is contextualized for new readers. This is fun, up until there are multiple crossover events that slow down the plot, but even those are still readable, without reading the main crossover event. It’s interesting, the art is cool, and all the characters are dweebs with superpowers.

America (2017)- America Chavez is such a good character, and this is a really great comic! It’s only 5 issues in, so very easy to catch up. It explains any backstory you might need, and is really witty, and pop-culture savvy.

Astonishing X-Men (2004)- This is the first comic I ever read, and functions really well as an X-Men comic for people who haven’t read X-Men comics before. It’s about 10 years old, and eventually it hits the year or so when there was an X-Men crossover event every 6 weeks, but the first 25-30 issues (the Whedon/Cassaday run) are really good, and will make you love Kitty Pryde forever.

Avengers Assemble- The very best intro to marvel comic. Skip the first 9 issues (written by Bendis) because they are bad, and start when Kelly Sue Deconnick takes over. This has a rotating cast of Avengers, including those in the MCU and those not, and is such a good read. It introduced me to my very favorite character (Jessica Drew), and gives every character depth.

Black Panther (2016)- Get pumped for this movie and read the comic! Ta-Nahesi Coates is such a good writer, and this is a really strong, textured story, that really works on every level. I’ve not read any previous BP comics, and I had no trouble with continuity.

Champions (2016)- This is Ms. Marvel’s team of teen superheroes, coming out of Civil War II, last summer’s marvel crossover disaster. It’s really good and engages with social justice issues in ways that feel about as effective as comic books can be.

Defenders (2017)- It’s literally just the cast of the Netflix Defenders teaming up, for actually the first time ever as a team of 4. It’s still on the first arc, but I’m enjoying it thus far.

Hulk (2016)- So, so, so good! Jennifer Walters (formerly known as She Hulk) takes over the Hulk mantle following her cousin Bruce’s murder in CWII. It’s all about trauma and PTSD and how Bruce’s death and Jen’s own debilitating injury in CWII changed her, and her ability to control her hulk. I wish everybody was reading this, and I think this is probably my favorite ongoing comic from any publisher.

Ms. Marvel (2014) and Ms. Marvel (2015)- This is the thing to read! Kamala was created in this comic, so you can just jump right in! It’s fun and well-written and the art is consistently good, and this is so worth reading!

New Mutants (1983)- This comic is like 30 years old but it’s the best and the New Mutants are my favorite superhero team in any universe. This is part of the X-Men franchise, and is the origin of a handful of characters who now show up all over the place. (Magik is on the main X-Men roster, Sunspot and Cannonball have been Avengers for a few years, Dani Moonstar is a Valkyrie who played an important role in some X-Men events). And there’s a New Mutants movie coming out next spring so might as well get prepared for that, right?

Silk (2015) and Silk (2015-7)- Cindy Moon is the hero we deserve! The first series covers her origins, then it was cancelled due to Secret Wars cancelling everything, then rebooted like a month later. The second series was also cancelled (rip), but follows Cindy as she infiltrates crime rings and tries to track down her missing family. Cindy is a new character, so a great starting point!

Spider Woman: Origin- All about Spider Woman! 5 issue miniseries, giving the character her definitive backstory.

Spider Woman: Agent of SWORD- Kinda backstory heavy (follow up to the Secret Invasion crossover event), but it’s totally possible to follow. Everything you need to know gets explained, but it’s basically Jessica Drew working as a secret agent for an organization that’s like the CIA but for aliens, and hunting down members of an alien race that kidnapped and impersonated her. This and Origins are kind of the essential Spider Woman reading, and I really recommend them both. Jess is the best, and her recently cancelled comic had one (1) good issue.

Storm (2014)- I didn’t recommend a lot of X-Men books because, imo, they’re the hardest Marvel books to start reading, but Storm’s solo is wonderful and incredible and you don’t need to know anything about X-Men to understand it!I

Indie

I don’t read a lot of indie comics, so I’m just going to list some titles I like and you can see what looks good! Indies are inherently easier to understand than marvel/dc books because, for the most part, indie comics stand on their own. But I assumed you were mostly hoping for superhero comics in your ask, but shoot me another ask correcting me if I’m wrong, and I can make you an indie rec list!

Faith

Lady Killer

Ody-C

Paper Girls

Pretty Deadly

Welcome Back

The Wicked and the Divine

[samanthasroberts]

5 Accidental X-Rated Subliminal Messages That Are Everywhere

If you’re anything like us, you can’t help but see penises in everything: in clouds, in buildings, even in men’s underwear. People can’t seem to help but create phallic symbols, almost as if dicks secretly run the entire world. And dick imagery can pop up in the most awkward places. Pay enough attention to anything, no matter how mundane, and, as if by magic, a wang will appear out of the ether.

Here are some of those special miracles.

5

Halftime Shows Are Full Of Dicks

Halftime shows are as much an American sporting tradition as Gatorade or lasting brain damage, and apart from the occasional wardrobe malfunction, they’re usually wholesome affairs — pop stars lip-sync to their biggest hits, and cheerleaders twirl around while trying to ignore some of the drunkest pick-up lines ever shouted in a public place. But sometimes all the raging testosterone from the game bursts over to the halftime entertainment, resulting in secret dicks.

When Prince was asked to play the halftime slot of the 2007 Super Bowl, it remains unknown what kind of family fun the organizers expected from the human personification of sex froth. Viewers tuning in for a little taste of “Purple Rain” or “1999” were instead treated to a David Copperfield-esque magic silhouette curtain, specially lit to show the diminutive music legend jerking his guitar dick.

That’s the risk you take when hiring a man with more thrusting masculinity in his lithe elvish body than the whole defensive line. But a phallic faux pas can even happen with the nerdiest of all sporting entertainers: the marching band. To be sure, nothing is more erotic than a bunch of people dressed up like nutcrackers hammering out the Batman theme, but marching bands are generally tightly regimented paragons of discipline. Yet even they can break formation and fall face-first into a pile of accidental wangs. Like these rhythmic dweebs who wanted to celebrate their Kansas State team by recreating their beloved Jayhawk mascot next to the iconic Starship Enterprise …

Kansas State Marching Band

… but ended up forming a fiercely erect cock angling towards a bird’s open beak:

Deadspin Boldly going where no man should go.

Even highbrow institutions like Harvard can’t control themselves. While battling it out with the University Of Pennsylvania, the marching band claimed they wanted to honor their opponent by forming “Penn ’15.” All they did, however, was highlight the inherent floppiness of a human font:

SB Nation Still not the worst incident involving a penis at a Pennsylvania college.

4

Weather And Traffic Reporters Draw Peens All The Time

If there’s one place that should be a respite for all the wang-typhoons swirling around in the world, it’s the news. The journalists on TV bring us serious, often tragic stories, and do so with great composure, grace, and the highest degree of professionalism.

Except for the weather presenters, who occasionally just scrawl floppy dongs all over every available surface.

It’s not their fault, really. It’s their job to track the weather, and sometimes the weather can take some pretty turgid shapes. When that happens, a tornado report can take quickly turn into a dire message warning people of a far more terrifying event.

Similarly, a New Jersey website tried to warn residents of a potential flood risk by unleashing a massive unsheathed poonhammer on the entire Eastern seaboard:

And those worried about illegal immigration from neighboring Mexico have reason to be alarmed, as Zeus’ massive dick and balls are in the process of breaching the southern border crossing:

Apparently you can’t even tune in for traffic updates without correspondents finger-tracing blocks-long hard-ons that will most definitely jam up your commute.

The moral of the story is: Don’t give presenters interactive screens and expect them not to accidentally dip a giant boner in your kid’s breakfast cereal.

3

Advertisers Deal Heavily In Accidental Dicks

There’s a long history of people slipping subliminal sexual innuendos into commercials, hence the age-old mantra “sex sells.” Unless, of course, the subliminal sexuality was totally accidental, in which case it does the exact opposite of sell.

With so many heavy hitters and specialty craft brewers in the beer industry, it can be awful hard to set yourself apart from the pack. One brewer in Costa Rica thought that having a giant grilled sausage plastered on a billboard on the side of the road would get people thinking about delicious barbecues featuring their refreshing beer:

Unless they were driving on the other side of the road, which makes it look like a giant cock is peering from behind the billboard like a Scooby-Doo detective.

Restaurant advertising is a phallic landmine as well. Ever noticed how a chef’s hat kind of looks like an elongated bropedo? We didn’t either, until the heroes behind this Virginia bistro’s logo showed us the light:

Market Place swears it had no idea when it chose the logo, thinking it was just a mustachioed chef greeting customers from the window. Instead, customers can only see a winged dick dive-bombing the soup d’jour.

Meanwhile, a Brazilian university, meaning to unveil a logo consisting of an ornate tiered tower with a gorgeous red sun rising in the sky behind it to commemorate an Oriental Studies institute on their campus, wound up accidentally shoving those good intentions directly up its own ass:

Obviously, because no institute of higher learning wants to be known for telling its Oriental Studies department to go boof itself, they quickly withdrew the logo. But the internet is forever.

2

Women’s Hair Products Look Like Sex Toys

Hair is not generally considered to be an erogenous zone, which is why the Kama Sutra doesn’t have an entry called the “Mounting Ponytail.” Yet it seems that the maniacs who come up with hair styling tools have finally given up on finding new ways to design their feminine products without throwing a few dicks into the mix.

“Hot Buns” is ostensibly a helpful hair styling tool for women, but it is so clearly a giant knobby dildo that not even its product demonstrators can deny it.

Similarly, the Pearl Curling Wand looks like what old timey psychiatrists used to get rid of hysteria. Now, we understand that there’s only one shape a curling iron can take — that of a thick, powerful penis — and we’re even willing to forgive the many sexual images that a “pearl wand” conjures up. But if this thing didn’t heat up to scorching temperatures, we don’t think this would see much upstairs hair action. Hell, it’s basically a multitool.

1

Buildings All Over The World Are Secretly Giant Dicks

Thanks to Google Earth, the world has gotten used to looking at their buildings from above, like a winged cartographer. Which is bad news for some architects and construction engineers, who thought the biggest threat to people finding out they’ve erected skyscrapers that look like skyscraping erections was Groupons for helicopter lessons.

That’s London’s soon-to-be largest apartment block: Spire London. From the bottom, it looks like a giant eyesore, but from the top, it looks like it’ll actually poke your eye out. The Spire London promises to be the highest residential building in Western Europe, so Londoners can soon enjoy watching pilots desperately pulling up in order to avoid crashing into the tip.

The Supreme Court of India also suffers from an acute case of phallisitis. The court, with its bushy garden and squat features, perfectly captures the shriveled old dicks gathering in this building to uphold their archaic rules.

Meanwhile, residents of an otherwise-lovely middle-class neighborhood in northern England have begun to fear for the value of their homes since it was revealed that their cul-de-sac is a bit heavy in the sac department:

And while residents might be miffed that they’re now living on the wrong side of Shaftesbury Lane, at least their town’s entire tourism isn’t based on the revelation that their little canal paradise kind of looks like an anatomically correct penis with a healthy urethra:

Yet it’s quite easy to notice that a rectangle with a few round edges looks a bit like a penis. So how about a building complex that looks like a naked man squatting, ass agape, with a flaccid dick drooping pendulously down between his bulging red balls? A sprawling health center in Ontario, Canada offers just that:

But sometimes, there’s no need for human ineptitude; nature provides. For the low sum of $122,000, you can buy land on a 42-acre island near Fiji with some pretty stunning scenery …

… which you can view from both the head and the scrote of this shy little nub of an island:

Justin occasionally writes funny stuff that’s not about dicks here. Tweet at him if you need a used Dodge Durango.

For more genitals than you could’ve possibly hoped for, check out 5 Inspiring Religions That Worship Penises and Boobs on Things That Don’t Normally Have Boobs.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out The 7 Most Baffling Pieces of Art (Made With Genitals), and other videos you won’t see on the site!

Follow us on Facebook, and we’ll follow you everywhere.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/5-accidental-x-rated-subliminal-messages-that-are-everywhere/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/12/13/5-accidental-x-rated-subliminal-messages-that-are-everywhere/

[adambstingus]

5 Accidental X-Rated Subliminal Messages That Are Everywhere

If you’re anything like us, you can’t help but see penises in everything: in clouds, in buildings, even in men’s underwear. People can’t seem to help but create phallic symbols, almost as if dicks secretly run the entire world. And dick imagery can pop up in the most awkward places. Pay enough attention to anything, no matter how mundane, and, as if by magic, a wang will appear out of the ether.

Here are some of those special miracles.

5

Halftime Shows Are Full Of Dicks

Halftime shows are as much an American sporting tradition as Gatorade or lasting brain damage, and apart from the occasional wardrobe malfunction, they’re usually wholesome affairs — pop stars lip-sync to their biggest hits, and cheerleaders twirl around while trying to ignore some of the drunkest pick-up lines ever shouted in a public place. But sometimes all the raging testosterone from the game bursts over to the halftime entertainment, resulting in secret dicks.

When Prince was asked to play the halftime slot of the 2007 Super Bowl, it remains unknown what kind of family fun the organizers expected from the human personification of sex froth. Viewers tuning in for a little taste of “Purple Rain” or “1999” were instead treated to a David Copperfield-esque magic silhouette curtain, specially lit to show the diminutive music legend jerking his guitar dick.

That’s the risk you take when hiring a man with more thrusting masculinity in his lithe elvish body than the whole defensive line. But a phallic faux pas can even happen with the nerdiest of all sporting entertainers: the marching band. To be sure, nothing is more erotic than a bunch of people dressed up like nutcrackers hammering out the Batman theme, but marching bands are generally tightly regimented paragons of discipline. Yet even they can break formation and fall face-first into a pile of accidental wangs. Like these rhythmic dweebs who wanted to celebrate their Kansas State team by recreating their beloved Jayhawk mascot next to the iconic Starship Enterprise …

Kansas State Marching Band

… but ended up forming a fiercely erect cock angling towards a bird’s open beak:

Deadspin Boldly going where no man should go.

Even highbrow institutions like Harvard can’t control themselves. While battling it out with the University Of Pennsylvania, the marching band claimed they wanted to honor their opponent by forming “Penn ’15.” All they did, however, was highlight the inherent floppiness of a human font:

SB Nation Still not the worst incident involving a penis at a Pennsylvania college.

4

Weather And Traffic Reporters Draw Peens All The Time

If there’s one place that should be a respite for all the wang-typhoons swirling around in the world, it’s the news. The journalists on TV bring us serious, often tragic stories, and do so with great composure, grace, and the highest degree of professionalism.

Except for the weather presenters, who occasionally just scrawl floppy dongs all over every available surface.

It’s not their fault, really. It’s their job to track the weather, and sometimes the weather can take some pretty turgid shapes. When that happens, a tornado report can take quickly turn into a dire message warning people of a far more terrifying event.

Similarly, a New Jersey website tried to warn residents of a potential flood risk by unleashing a massive unsheathed poonhammer on the entire Eastern seaboard:

And those worried about illegal immigration from neighboring Mexico have reason to be alarmed, as Zeus’ massive dick and balls are in the process of breaching the southern border crossing:

Apparently you can’t even tune in for traffic updates without correspondents finger-tracing blocks-long hard-ons that will most definitely jam up your commute.

The moral of the story is: Don’t give presenters interactive screens and expect them not to accidentally dip a giant boner in your kid’s breakfast cereal.

3

Advertisers Deal Heavily In Accidental Dicks

There’s a long history of people slipping subliminal sexual innuendos into commercials, hence the age-old mantra “sex sells.” Unless, of course, the subliminal sexuality was totally accidental, in which case it does the exact opposite of sell.

With so many heavy hitters and specialty craft brewers in the beer industry, it can be awful hard to set yourself apart from the pack. One brewer in Costa Rica thought that having a giant grilled sausage plastered on a billboard on the side of the road would get people thinking about delicious barbecues featuring their refreshing beer:

Unless they were driving on the other side of the road, which makes it look like a giant cock is peering from behind the billboard like a Scooby-Doo detective.

Restaurant advertising is a phallic landmine as well. Ever noticed how a chef’s hat kind of looks like an elongated bropedo? We didn’t either, until the heroes behind this Virginia bistro’s logo showed us the light:

Market Place swears it had no idea when it chose the logo, thinking it was just a mustachioed chef greeting customers from the window. Instead, customers can only see a winged dick dive-bombing the soup d’jour.

Meanwhile, a Brazilian university, meaning to unveil a logo consisting of an ornate tiered tower with a gorgeous red sun rising in the sky behind it to commemorate an Oriental Studies institute on their campus, wound up accidentally shoving those good intentions directly up its own ass:

Obviously, because no institute of higher learning wants to be known for telling its Oriental Studies department to go boof itself, they quickly withdrew the logo. But the internet is forever.

2

Women’s Hair Products Look Like Sex Toys

Hair is not generally considered to be an erogenous zone, which is why the Kama Sutra doesn’t have an entry called the “Mounting Ponytail.” Yet it seems that the maniacs who come up with hair styling tools have finally given up on finding new ways to design their feminine products without throwing a few dicks into the mix.

“Hot Buns” is ostensibly a helpful hair styling tool for women, but it is so clearly a giant knobby dildo that not even its product demonstrators can deny it.

Similarly, the Pearl Curling Wand looks like what old timey psychiatrists used to get rid of hysteria. Now, we understand that there’s only one shape a curling iron can take — that of a thick, powerful penis — and we’re even willing to forgive the many sexual images that a “pearl wand” conjures up. But if this thing didn’t heat up to scorching temperatures, we don’t think this would see much upstairs hair action. Hell, it’s basically a multitool.

1

Buildings All Over The World Are Secretly Giant Dicks

Thanks to Google Earth, the world has gotten used to looking at their buildings from above, like a winged cartographer. Which is bad news for some architects and construction engineers, who thought the biggest threat to people finding out they’ve erected skyscrapers that look like skyscraping erections was Groupons for helicopter lessons.

That’s London’s soon-to-be largest apartment block: Spire London. From the bottom, it looks like a giant eyesore, but from the top, it looks like it’ll actually poke your eye out. The Spire London promises to be the highest residential building in Western Europe, so Londoners can soon enjoy watching pilots desperately pulling up in order to avoid crashing into the tip.

The Supreme Court of India also suffers from an acute case of phallisitis. The court, with its bushy garden and squat features, perfectly captures the shriveled old dicks gathering in this building to uphold their archaic rules.

Meanwhile, residents of an otherwise-lovely middle-class neighborhood in northern England have begun to fear for the value of their homes since it was revealed that their cul-de-sac is a bit heavy in the sac department:

And while residents might be miffed that they’re now living on the wrong side of Shaftesbury Lane, at least their town’s entire tourism isn’t based on the revelation that their little canal paradise kind of looks like an anatomically correct penis with a healthy urethra:

Yet it’s quite easy to notice that a rectangle with a few round edges looks a bit like a penis. So how about a building complex that looks like a naked man squatting, ass agape, with a flaccid dick drooping pendulously down between his bulging red balls? A sprawling health center in Ontario, Canada offers just that:

But sometimes, there’s no need for human ineptitude; nature provides. For the low sum of $122,000, you can buy land on a 42-acre island near Fiji with some pretty stunning scenery …

… which you can view from both the head and the scrote of this shy little nub of an island:

Justin occasionally writes funny stuff that’s not about dicks here. Tweet at him if you need a used Dodge Durango.

For more genitals than you could’ve possibly hoped for, check out 5 Inspiring Religions That Worship Penises and Boobs on Things That Don’t Normally Have Boobs.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out The 7 Most Baffling Pieces of Art (Made With Genitals), and other videos you won’t see on the site!

Follow us on Facebook, and we’ll follow you everywhere.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/5-accidental-x-rated-subliminal-messages-that-are-everywhere/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/181062584112