#still erring over whether i want this to actually stay up or whether ill delete it but.

[goodmode]

(to people who hate young children)

as a young girl-perceived person my only way of getting adults to listen to me about not having a mum instinct - like do not expect me to be the Older Female Look-After-The-Little-Ones Surrogate Mum sorry i do not have the right personality for it - the only way i knew how to portray this was to be aggressive, because adults werent listening unless i made it A Big Deal. so it was all "i HATE children!! babies are STUPID and hearing them cry makes me so angry and violent and i wish everyone was born fully grown” which is, like, you know, a lie, but also the child’s way of going “you won’t let me keep my distance from small and delicate babies that i am uncomfortable being around, and you won’t listen to me when i say i don’t want children of my own Some Day (TM) (C)  so i will make it a huge thing that you can’t avoid addressing. at least if you think i’m just Weird then you will acknowledge i’m standing my ground”

(aside: guys, babies are just little lesser tadpoles. they react to heat and light and noise. and they’re stupid because they don’t know anything yet and they’re also monkey-related so their reaction to most things is to scream so that a caretaker will come save them from the Bad Thing. we all know this. you know this. i know this.)

growing up i had to very carefully separate the childish urge to Be Horrible About Children from I Am Old Enough Now That Being Horrible About Children Will Do Damage.

i don’t know how to articulate this but i’m also trans and i have also come to certain understandings. yes i’m not a Woman Girl Motherhood Mother Lady Female Mother Raiser Of The Young or whatever. i knew this as a child. i know this still. BUT children aren’t the little demons i had to make them out to be defensively to protect myself from doing psych damage to them by being an arsehole on purpose. they are not the ‘annoying little mindless shits’ i would have blogged about at age 13.

what i’ve learned since is: babies are loud and annoying and they shit and it stinks so bad oh my god. but they are absolutely going to turn into people. they are a little larval stage of a person that is about to have opinions.

you grow up to be a monkey with your own life, and you (mostly) get to pick and choose when and where and how much time you spend with the little tiny baby monkeys. your cousin has a baby monkey or your friend has a baby monkey or your niecemonkey is visiting with your grandma or whatever. you can cancel these appointments. you can be around, or not. that is the thing you earn by just being an adult with your own life. it’s marvellous. you choose when you are ready (or not) for these appointments with baby monkeys. you can make excuses and leave. you are no longer at the mercy of Being A Child Expected To Like Babies. it’s gone. you’re free. you are a mammal unleashed.

but when you are around young children. and you will be! please be nice to the children. you remember when you tried to get an adult’s attention and they were talking to another adult about something. you remember when an adult said something to you that hurt and still hurts. you remember these things and you do better. even if you don’t know what you’re doing, listen. the literal and most widely-applicable trick to getting through an encounter with children is to listen. just say very little and go “oh cool!” and let them talk about the Cool Thing They’re Into and look at them and make eye contact and smile. and then you’re done.

sure your job isn’t to Be Expected To Be A Caregiver but you need to reconcile that with the fact that children don’t know a thing about expectation. they just want to be seen and heard and to know that someone’s in their corner. you cannot put your People Want Me To Be A Parent Well!! I’ll Be Horrid Instead mentality upon small children. it is an outdated mentality. you are an adult now. signed, a trans nonbinary adult who doesn’t want children and had to fight for that to be understood

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

hiya ! pleaseplease feel free to jus delete this or ignore but simply wanted to send an ask to say ily and hope you are v well ! 💕💕💕 i’ve been desperately trying to think of an actual relevant ikevam question as an excuse to interact my brain has nothing ahah so i hope you don’t mind my simple offering of my love and best wishes 🥺💖 pls have a lovely day & know that your blog brings much joy x

Omg I could never ignore you, sweetling!!! Ily3, I hope you’re doing well too in such troubling times! It’s okay if you don’t have anything specific to say/ask, it’s still a pleasure to see you 💖💖💖💖

How about I offer a silly little drabble below, since your message has moved me to the utmost of my uwus 💕💕💕 may my nonsensing continue to bring you joy, just as your kind words made me smile today :D

Okay so like y’all know I love Comte but I also Must Clown Him Or I Will Die. The topic came up of the residents all making bets as to when he would cave and finally go out with MC, and since I couldn’t resist here I am. I apologize in advance ahjdlfkjhgfs

Drabble below the cut! None of this is canon, just me being court jester. Also for those curious Leonardo, Sebastian, Isaac and Vincent (unofficially) won the bet:

Leonardo was leaning close to the window, the slow tug of smoke through the screen emblematic of a certain friend of his. As if it couldn’t decide to leave or stay.

When did the old coot lose his good sense...

But then, chiding him was of little use. He knew enough about love to know it was hardly ever a choice--most especially when it was this deep, and this true.

“He’s going to cave in four days, bet. Long before the door is supposed to open again.” 

Arthur twirled the rook in his hand, grinning at the strained face of his opponent. Why Theo bothered to indulge the writer in a game he would probably lose was beyond him.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Mozart scowled. “Some of us have the proper decency to court at a normal pace.”

“And what would you know about courtship? The only thing you know how to court is a piano.”

Flat contempt marked the composer’s face, and Leonardo interjected before another tirade erupted.

“I bet two weeks tops.” Another drag was enough to scatter some of the worry that crowded his heart. He was less worried about being wrong, and more plagued by the likelihood he’d be right.

Sebastian was offering coffee and tea around the room without so much as batting an eye at the topic of conversation, face carefully neutral. Then again, he was most likely obsessed with recording the responses of each man in the room to be present in the moment.

“He seems much too concerned with his responsibility as a host to do anything like that,” Dazai murmured cooly, “He’ll most likely keep his hands--and feelings--to himself.”

Leonardo would have agreed with the assessment--if Meli hadn’t been so forthright, that is. Left to his devices, ‘Comte’ always was a helpless sap. But she seemed all too interested in him too, making for a troublesome catalyst. 

Eyes darted to the armchair in the corner of the room, where a rare face was fiddling with his bangs. “Er, well, if I’m honest...I’m inclined to agree with Leonardo on this one.” Isaac’s voice grew progressively quieter, as though his confidence held direct proportion with his volume. “I c-can’t really remember the last time I saw le Comte so pensive...almost distracted?”

“I don’t know why he’d bother with the hondje,” There was a harsh clack of wood connecting with wood. “I like my kneecaps intact.”

Leonardo grimaced, and it wasn’t from the hiss of the cigarillo finding his calloused palm before he tossed it in the trash. The little cara did have a habit of going for the legs when she was upset...

“Broer, you still have much to learn about love.” Iridescent like the refraction of the sun in summer rain, the older brother placed a hand on Theo’s shoulder. “And Meli is much kinder than you give her credit for. Don’t speak ill of her while she isn’t here, okay?”

The heavy-set Theo flinched at the reprimand. “Okay, broer.” Were those tears in his eyes? Good grief. There were days he was less sure Comte had chosen to settle down with a family and more convinced he had joined a circus. Never a dull moment, that was for sure.

Jeanne frowned rather intensely from beside a scribbling Mozart, glaring a hole into the ground. “For her sake, I hope you are all wrong.”

Busy with solitaire, Napoleon’s eyes were on the cards as his chin rested in his palm. “Either way, most of this really depends on Meli’s feelings on the matter, doesn’t it? What does it matter what we--or even le Comte--thinks.”

“I wouldn’t be quite so sure about that,” Sebastian had just set the teapot down, about to leave the room. “I get the feeling Meli’s on the same page. Two weeks sounds like a reasonable estimate.”

Leonardo shoved his hands in his pockets, knowing how keen the butler was when it came to how others felt. Damn it all. He could already feel the oncoming migraine. A future of Comte’s lovesick rambling.

Better to step on a land mine before that came to pass.

Silence settled over the room, everybody considering their feelings on the matter; all of them sorting out how to respond. 

“I suppose we’ll have a good and proper okaa-san in the coming days, then.” 

“I don’t know whether to be pissed he said something ridiculous again, or even more ticked off that we can’t fathom what it is.”

“Okaa-san is the common term used to refer to someone else’s mother in Japan.”

“Tch,” A disgusted look was thrown in Dazai’s direction, but the malice had long since worn down to exasperation over the years. 

“...Do you think she’ll even want to stay with us?”

Napoleon put down the playing cards to look at Isaac, red as the fruit he claimed to hate. Even Dazai balked where he sat on the arm of Isaac’s chair, twisting to look at him as his eyebrows disappeared behind his hairline.

“By Jove, I never thought I’d see the day! Don’t tell me Newt, did Meli win your heart over too?”

Isaac’s features pinched, inches from pelting the writer with the fancy teacup. “Of course not! But I wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t want to stay in a place full of dangerous, uncouth, loud and obnoxious--”

“I think it would be wonderful if she did stay,” Like a balm Vincent’s soft voice seemed to settle the scientist. “Let’s be ready to welcome her if she does.”

Even Jeanne had no heart to protest. Mozart’s quill quivered on the parchment.

Leonardo’s hands tightened to fists in his pockets. Maybe he’d underestimated just what the little cara meant to everyone...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A pale hand traced along the smooth, lacquered wood of the windowsill, just across from the closed door of the game room. 

The little punks.

A sigh scattered against the glass. He couldn’t stand the sight of his own face answering their predictions, betraying him. As if to join the mutiny, his thoughts drifted to the thought of that smile when he offered her the fragrant collection of yellow roses. A single white rose lingered in the center.

Did she have any idea what it did to him when she looked like that? Eyes shining with something more than excitement, apron rubbing at them as she muttered about allergies and looked for a vase to fill with water before dinner. 

Kneading a hand against his forehead, he stepped past the room and back to his office before Sebastian could find his incriminating presence. 

He didn’t want to think about what was to come.

[nooneelsecomesclose17]

Until you’re resting here with me (Love Actually AU) - Part 3

Finally!! Thought it would never get done. Not at all how I imagined it but I hope you all like it!

Part 1 // Part 2

In the end he’s saved from the shopping trip. Aaron cancelled, saying his Mum was ill and he had to help out behind the bar for the day. Robert took the hint, didn’t ask whether he wanted to reschedule. He still had to face going to dinner the following night. He pulls his best shirt from the wardrobe needing to know he looks good, and gets himself ready, all the while waiting for his phone to light up with a message to say it’s off.

It doesn’t come, so he drives the short distance to Luke and Aaron’s flat. It’s stupid, they’ve done this many times and it’s always a laugh. He supposes that this is what it’ll be like now, at least until he gets over this. Of course it’s Aaron who answers the door, scowl firmly in place.

“Luke’s just nipped to the shop, forgot some crucial ingredient or something. Shouldn’t be long.” Robert hung his coat up and followed him through to the kitchen. “Beer?”

“Sure. So how’s Chas?”

“Huh?” Aaron frowns as he passes him his beer. “Oh...yeah she’s fine now.”

“You could have told me the truth you know, if you didn’t want me to help you. I would have got it, expected it really.”

“What did you expect me to do? Why make it uncomfortable for both of us?”

“So why let me come here tonight? Or are you going to tell Luke all about it, make me squirm even more?” He should have never have come. He’s ruined everything, he’s going to lose his best friend, well really his only real friend and it’s all his own fault.

“No, that’s not...I just thought it would be easier! Give you time to deal with it.”

“I’ve been dealing with it for over a year, Aaron. I’m getting pretty good at it thank you.” He slams his beer bottle down on the counter. “I should go.”

“That long?” Aaron looked stunned, frozen. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Excellent conversation material, that, yeah? Why don’t I just go, leave you and Luke on your own. I’ll come up with some reason why I can’t be his best man.” He couldn’t face it, not any more, the guilt of hiding this from his best friend was too much, now Aaron knew it was weighing down on him again.

“Now you’re just being dramatic. Nothing’s changed. He doesn’t know anything. I told him you’d deleted the video by accident, he’s none the wiser. You really going to throw your friendship away over me?” He wants to say he’s worth it, but it isn’t really. He’s stopped from answering by the front door opening.

“You’re here then! Great!” He watches Luke stride around the kitchen, pressing a kiss to Aaron’s lips as he passes. “Right, out the pair of you, let me cook.”

He has no choice but to follow Aaron through to the living room. He’s always liked the house, it’s far more homely than his and he’s always been comfortable here, until tonight. Now he felt completely out of place and he’s wishing he’d brought Vic along with him. At least she could be relied upon to fill the empty silences.

“I’m not going to say anything, to Luke I mean. It’s not like anything is going on is it?”

“That simple, huh?”

“I didn’t say that. I just don’t see the point in the two of you falling out over it. Maybe one day all three of us can be mates, without all this getting in the way. I’ve been where you are.” Robert looks up at him, sitting on the opposite sofa.

“Really?”

“My mate, Adam, back when we were teenagers. I do know how you’re feeling.”

“And what, you got over it? I don’t need to hear how you understand. It doesn’t help me.”

“No I didn’t get over it, not for ages, nearly ruined our friendship. I don’t want that for you and Luke, I told you. Me and Adam are alright now. You’ll get over me.”

“This isn’t a silly teenage crush Aaron…” He can’t stop himself from getting up, from walking over to the sofa, sitting down next to Aaron.

He’s inches away from him, could easily just lean in and kiss him, he’s not moving away. It’s only Luke calling out that stops him. He jumps to his feet as the door opens, Aaron seemingly in a daze.

“Shouldn’t be long. You alright?”

“Er, no, not really. Not feeling too good mate. I really don’t think I can stay. Sorry mate.” He daren’t look at Aaron, hopes the state he’s in will convince Luke that he is actually ill. He certainly feels it. “Another time though, yeah?”

Luke tries to get him to accept a lift home but he turns him down, needs to be on his own, can’t believe what almost happened. He murmurs a goodbye to Aaron and he’s half heartedly waving goodbye to Luke and driving away, feeling like the worst friend in the world.

*****

He doesn’t hear from either of them for a few weeks, avoids Luke’s calls, answering texts telling him he’s busy at work. It can’t go on, he’s still supposed to be his best man, has things to do before the wedding but for now he lets himself ignore him. Aaron doesn’t call, not that he expected it. He hasn’t told anyone what happened, not even Victoria, no matter how many times she’s asked.

It’s close enough to Christmas now that he’s got invites to Christmas parties coming out of his ears. He goes to most of them, tries to get over himself, to get into the spirit of the season but not much works.

He blames the idea on the alcohol at his firm’s Christmas do, he would never have come up with it sober, but once it’s in his head he can’t shift it. It’s stupid, probably the stupidest thing he’s done in years and it’s not like Aaron doesn’t already know how he feels. Maybe he deserves to give himself one chance to just get his feelings out there properly and then he can let it go, move on.

*****

He stands outside their flat for what feels like an age before he manages to pluck up enough courage to ring the doorbell. He hides everything he’s carrying out of sight. He’s not sure what he’ll do if Luke answers. He’s taken long enough to pluck up the courage to do this he doesn’t think he can do it again. Thankfully he hears Aaron call out that he’ll get it and then his heavy footsteps getting closer. He can feel his heart rate going up, he’s sure the whole street can hear it.

“Oh...hi.” Aaron’s there now, in front of him. He looks confused and it takes him a few seconds to remember his plan. It’s Luke calling out, asking who it is that jolts him into action.

*PRETEND IT’S CAROL SINGERS*

Aaron nods and calls back and Robert can see the barest hint of interest interrupting the grumpiness on his features. He taps his phone, sets the carol he’d picked out playing before holding up the rest of the cards, expecting Aaron to slam the door in his face any second.

*THIS MIGHT BE THE MOST IDIOTIC THING*

*I’VE EVER DONE*

Aaron smiles at him but he looks completely bemused.

*BUT FOR NOW, I WANT TO SAY*

*WITHOUT HOPE OR EXPECTATION*

*JUST BECAUSE IT’S CHRISTMAS*

*(AND AT CHRISTMAS YOU TELL THE TRUTH...APPARENTLY!)*

*TO ME YOU ARE PERFECT*

*GRUMPY BUT PERFECT*

Aaron forgets himself and bursts out laughing and has to reach out and take the piece of card from him to get him to move on, he’s too busy staring at him.

*AND I LOVE YOU*

*MERRY CHRISTMAS*

He doesn’t stop to see Aaron’s expression, just stoops to pick up the cards and switch off the music from his phone. When he stands up Aaron’s just staring at him. If he were optimistic he’d say he could see a tear in his eye but it’s probably his imagination. He does exactly what he’d planned to do and turns and walks away.

It’s only when he hears footsteps that he stops and the next thing, Aaron has swung him round and he has his hands on his face, palms warm against his cold cheeks. He doesn’t have chance to speak before Aaron’s kissing him. He doesn’t know if anyone can see them, doesn’t care. If this is all he gets he’s going to savour every second.  It’s over before he can even think, Aaron pulling away from him. He doesn’t say anything just nods and Robert nods back and then he’s jogging back towards the flat. Robert waits until he hears the door close before he walks away.

“Enough. Stop now.”

*****

He spends the next few days dreading the wedding. He can hardly let Luke down not that late and seeing Aaron again is just going to be mortifying. He can’t actually believe what he did, can’t believe Aaron kissed him. He knows it didn’t mean anything, and he’s determined to put it all behind him. The first test of that will be the wedding tomorrow. Christmas Eve. Not that he feels the slightest bit festive. The only upside is that Vic will be there. He hadn’t realised just how much he missed her until they started spending time together again.

They’d spent the day Christmas shopping. He had left it all until the last minute as always, not that he has a huge amount of stuff to buy. She’d been horrified when he’d told her that despite her invitation he’d be spending the day alone and hadn’t let up until he relented. So now he had a few more presents to buy and something else to worry about, seeing Diane and Andy again. They’d not been at the party and he’d avoided them ever since but he had no chance at Christmas.

Now she’s gone and he’s all alone with a pile of presents to wrap and a glass of whiskey beside him. The Christmas decorations are up, he’d done that much and there’s an old black and white film on the TV. He just has to work himself up to wrapping things up. He’ll get to it in a minute.

He’s just finishing the first gift when the doorbell rings. Extracting himself from a tangle of sticky tape he opens the door, mouth hanging open when he sees Aaron standing there.

“If you’ve come to have a go or…”

“I haven’t.” He stuffs his hands in his pockets and stares down at the floor. “I, er...me and Luke, it’s over.” He literally can’t speak, he must be dreaming. All he can make himself do is usher Aaron inside and shut the door against the cold. “Aren’t you going to say anything?”

“You mean you’ve had a row and you’ve stormed out?” It had to be, couldn’t be anything else.

“No, I mean I told him I couldn’t marry him.” He moves closer, backing Robert further into the house. “Told him it wouldn’t be fair.”

“Aaron…”

“I can’t marry him when I’ve started having feelings for someone else. Someone who’s spent a year acting as though they didn’t like me because they didn’t want to upset their friend.” He moves closer and Robert’s sure he isn’t breathing. “You would have stood there and let me marry him, wouldn’t you?”

“Yeah. You love him, he’s my friend...Aaron I don’t understand what you’re doing here?”

“I didn’t sleep last night, or the three nights before that either. I haven’t been able to sleep since you appeared at the door playing fuckin’ carols because who does that?”

“Do you want me to apologise?” He feels like he’s in some strange parallel world, he has no idea what the hell is going on.

“No...I can’t get you out of my head and I don’t know what to do...I just know I can’t marry him. He doesn’t make me feel like I’ve felt the last three days.” Robert backs up against the back of the sofa as Aaron keeps moving closer, now just inches away from him. “But you do and...I can’t ignore it.”

“Does he know? About me?”

“No. I just told him it didn’t feel right, that I didn’t want to end up hurting him. If we...we’ll have to tell him at some point.”

“Not yet. I...can’t believe you’re here. I didn’t...what I did, it was to just get over it all, once and for all. I didn’t expect this.” He jumps a little as Aaron’s arms come around him, resting in the small of his back. It feels good, like he’s exactly where he’s supposed to be.

“I know, maybe I’d been denying it since I saw that video. You know what, I’m done talking. Are you going to kiss me, or what?”

It wasn’t perfect, it could still all fall apart and he would never not feel guilty about hurting his friend but for now it’s Christmas and Aaron’s here and it’s enough. The rest they can fix later.

[joeldexerfan-blog]

Warren’s Reaction to Joel Quitting the Priesthood

It was exactly 7:30am. And Joel, most unusually for him, was still in bed. Normally by now, he was having toast, reading the newspaper over his dad’s shoulder and half-listening to Sienna talk about nursery designs. Warren looked at the bedroom door. “Why isn’t he up yet?”

Sienna looked up from where she was cutting up slices of watermelon and cherries for her breakfast. “Maybe there was a heavy metal concert or something.”

There was a point. But then priests couldn’t get drunk. Could they? It couldn’t be a hangover that kept Joel, surely. He looked at the door again. “What if he’s ill? We haven’t seen him much since we got back.”

“Warren, we live with a nurse.” Sienna popped a cube of cerise watermelon in her mouth and offered him some fruit. “If he was ill, she’d know what to do. Stop worrying about Joel, it’s probably his day off or something.”

Sienna was right. He was being stupid, worrying over his fully-grown adult son like he was as delicate and helpless as the twins growing in Sienna’s rounded belly. He put all thoughts of Joel out of his mind and settled in front of the telly, his fiancée joining him, giving him a kiss on the cheek. He squeezed her hand, unable to stop a smile and she started reading one of her pregnancy books, leaving him free to watch whatever he fancied - a rare occurrence. Of course there was practically nothing on, so he decided on the news.

“-Ben’s son was such a sensible lovely boy, but after his mum was diagnosed with breast cancer, he relapsed into his addiction-”

Warren froze. Sienna grabbed his arm just before he started getting up. “No!” she said firmly. “You can’t go barging in, accusing him of things. If him being in bed bothers you so much, go and talk to your son. Don’t go roaring in there, thumping your chest like some primitive beast.”

“Alright. I’ll be calm and collected.”

“Thank you. Just think of the twins. They don’t need to hear the pair of you bickering any more.”

They didn’t bicker a lot. The last major fallout they’d had was when he’d moved Joel’s crucifix from the telly and lost it and Joel had retaliated by deleting the recording of a match Warren had missed. Sienna had said they were both as bad as each other and refused to pick a side. Honestly, she acted like he and Joel were constantly at each other’s throats and never ever got on or even made an effort to. All boys argued with their dads. At least he and Joel made up. He’d found it difficult to forgive him for a few days, until Joel had found the match on the Internet and Warren had asked him to watch it with him. Maybe they needed more time together. Perhaps Sienna had been right when she’d suggested tuxedo shopping. He stopped at the bedroom door and knocked sharply.

“Kim?” Joel called, sounding worried. “Are you okay?”

“It’s me, Joel.”

“Oh, Dad! I didn’t know you and Sienna were up… I’ll be there in a minute!”

“No need,” Warren said and he opened the door, expecting to find Joel holding that poison in his hand. What he found was Joel with the duvet having mostly slid from him onto the floor, wearing a tank top and a most surprised expression.

“How are you both?” Joel asked, trying to smile. He kept pulling at the white and black cover as though nervous, which only heightened Warren’s suspicions.

“Never mind us. Are you…alright?”

“Me? Yeah, fine. I want to get dressed, can you, you know, get out of here, please?”

Warren crossed his brawny arms and fixed his firstborn with a steely glare. “What’s going on? You never stay in bed this late. Why aren’t you in work?”

Joel kept fidgeting with the duvet cover. “Well, I don’t have work today-”

“It’s Sunday, the holiest day as you insist on reminding me and it’s now half past eight. What’s going on?”

“Nothing! Just go away!” At Warren’s even icier glare, Joel quickly added; “Please.”

‘Don’t go roaring in there, thumping your chest like some primitive beast.’ Sienna’s words reminded him. Warren breathed in deeply. He wasn’t going to go off the deep end. Not again. He sat on the edge of the bed and tried to think how best to approach the matter. No good at all beating around the bush. Even less good being all soft and delicate. Yet, getting angry with Joel about it would only make him stubborn and equally angry. Why was raising a son so difficult? He thought it all ended at eighteen, but apparently he’d been wrong.

Joel was looking at him with genuine confusion. “Dad, what is it?”

“I know you’ve not been clean very long. And relapses happen. I promise I’m not angry, but you need to be honest about this with us-”

“You think I’m an addict?”

“I swear on your little brother and sister that I’m not angry. All I want is for you to get well again.”

“Now you’ve said that about the twins, I believe you. Oh, Dad-” Joel put his head in his hands and sighed heavily. “You don’t understand… Okay, I know I’ve got explaining to do, but I don’t know how.”

Warren placed a hand on Joel’s shoulder. “Look at me. You’re my son and I’m not going to let you go through this alone, okay? Just tell me how long it’s been.”

“I’m not on drugs, I’m in love!��

“Love?” Warren repeated. “Is this about Cleo?”

Joel put his hands on his lap. He stared at them and started picking at a hangnail. “Yes. I’ve left the priesthood and I’m with her.”

“When did this happen?”

Joel started nibbling the hangnail instead. “A week ago…”

“YOU’VE BEEN OUT THE PRIESTHOOD AN ENTIRE WEEK AND NEVER TOLD ME?”

Joel jumped and cursed as the hangnail started to bleed. “Dad! You promised you weren’t angry-”

“I’m not angry, I’m disappointed you kept this a secret from me! Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because there were…problems.” Joel glanced at him apologetically and Warren knew he meant when Cleo had landed a kiss upon him when what she had really wanted was Joel.

He closed his eyes and exhaled softly. “I love you,” he said quietly. “I want you to be happy with someone who loves you, whether it’s God or Cleo. Whatever happened in the past, it’s in the past. Are you happy?”

Joel nodded. Then he smiled brightly. “Yeah. She’s the best thing ever and the only thing I regret is that it took me so long to realise that.”

“Then there’s nothing for you to hide any more.” Warren ruffled his hair. “Tell you what, you can do a couple of shifts at the Loft to give you something to do until another job catches your eye.”

“Grace won’t mind?”

Warren scoffed. “I don’t give a toss what she thinks! You know you’d go mad if you had nothing at all to do.”

Joel could only agree to that, ducking his head silently. “Thank you.”

“What else are dads for? Come on, time to rise and shine!” Warren stood up and lifted the duvet back to motivate Joel into getting to his feet. There was a squeal of surprise and he found himself looking at a small figure clad in Joel’s dressing gown. Cleo’s gold-green eyes looked up at him sheepishly and he looked at Joel with a raised eyebrow. “You didn’t want to wait, did you?”

“Dad!” As an afterthought, Joel muttered; “As though you’re one to talk!”

Warren huffed softly. “Watch it. Are you staying for breakfast, Cleo?”

“Won’t Sienna mind?”

“Of course not.”

When Joel and Cleo emerged from their love-nest, Sienna’s lips tightened and she squeezed the cherry she was holding so tightly it exploded, leaving a droplet of juice travelling down her wrist like a drop of blood. “What on earth is she doing here?”

Warren nodded his head at Joel. “Your soon to be stepson has something to tell you. Don’t you, Joel?”

“Er.. I'mwithCleo.” Joel mumbled, shrinking at the impressive glare Sienna pinned him with.

“Speak up!” Warren prompted. “Go on, tell your stepmum.”

“She knows!” Joel protested. “I just told her.”

“You do realise every time you kiss her, you’re kissing the same lips that were on your father’s?” Sienna asked coolly. Joel gave Sienna a look Warren couldn’t quite decipher and she sighed deeply. “Fine. You’re a grown man, do what you want!”

“Don’t be like this. We happen to really like each other.”

“I happen to really like your dad and she kissed him!”

“That was an accident!” Joel said. He shyly took Sienna’s hands. “Please be happy for me. You know how I feel about her. Don’t you remember when…when you or Dad would have to stay up with me? I kept talking to you about Cleo then.”

Sienna clearly did remember. Neither she or Warren had known exactly how to help someone off drugs, but she had done everything she could, often staying up with them both or even just with Joel by herself. She looked at Joel’s hands and squeezed them gently. “Okay, I do. I do remember. I wanted you to be happy then and it hasn’t changed now.”

Joel smiled hopefully. “Does this mean I have my future stepmum’s blessing?”

Sienna freed one of her hands and rubbed Joel’s shoulder. “Yes, you do.”

“Thank you.”

She seemed to be about to add something, but flinched, cradling her bump. “I need to sit down.” At the worried looks, she smiled. “Pregnancy cramps. I might lie down, actually.”

Warren went to help, holding her hand and rubbing her back tenderly. “I’ll help you get comfy. Have breakfast, you two!”

Just as they closed the bedroom door, they heard one of them murmur to the other; “I know what I’d like for breakfast…”

Sienna pressed her face into Warren’s shoulder and shook with laughter. “Cleo! That was definitely Cleo.”

“She is a McQueen after all.” Warren kissed Sienna’s forehead and carefully sat her down on the bed, helping her to rest back. “There we go.”

“Thanks. So, this has been an eventful morning, hasn’t it?” She looked at the door. “Those two. Do you think he’d ever have told us himself?”

“When we were on our deathbeds.” Warren chuckled and kissed Sienna again, aiming for her lips. “That’s just him, isn’t it? You know, I think Cleo might be good for him.”

“Me, too.” Sienna winced and rubbed her swollen belly. “When the time comes, I hope she has a less painful pregnancy.”

“Oi! He’s not getting her pregnant any time soon. And you’d be called Granny!”

“Don’t worry.” Sienna closed her deep green eyes. “You’d make a very handsome grandfather.”

Warren slid his arm around her shoulders. “One thing is for certain. They’re going to bring a lot of excitement with them. What is with Joel and the McQueens? I know there’s a lot of them, but still..”

“Oh, Warren. He’s happy. What does it matter who he’s happy with?”

“I’m glad he’s happy. I want someone to look after him when I’m not around.”

Sienna took his hand and held it tight. “You’re going to be around forever, Warren Fox. You have to be.”

Warren wriggled his hand free. If she held his hand so tightly now, he didn’t like to think what the labour would bring. “Alright, I will be! I’m not going to leave you or our beautiful babies or their big brother. I love you all.”

Sienna was smiling again. “I love you too.”

She soon fell asleep and Warren couldn’t help watching her, how her dark eyelashes fanned above her cheekbones, how her glossy dark chestnut hair spilled over her shoulders. He really was getting soft, but that was okay. It was alright to sometimes be soft with the ones you loved.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

Screw it, I know it’s a soap, but where in the name of God was the scene when Warren found out his pride and joy packed in the priesthood? We saw Myra’s reaction and it turned lovely very quickly with the sweet, sweet aunt-niece scene, but I wanted to see Warren’s! So I made my own just so we have his reaction somewhere. Also I hasten to add that Sienna was not happy with Cleo and yet she was at the wedding that didn’t happen which may have meant she thought enough of Joel to forgive Cleo for kissing Warren like that.