#still can't spell his name so im using two spellings

[meowmeow96240]

He's so stupid

He's at the beach in his work clothes because his costume won't come home. (I'm mad I got abyss monarch's costume instead of his.)

[dbphantom]

maybe i should have gone into practical effects instead of computer science...

[verstappensseatcushion]

✩°｡⋆ pas de deux, ln4 ⋆｡°✩pt 4

part one part two part three

pairing: lando norris x fem! ballerina! reader

[face claim: luna montana is largely used as faceclaim but some other pinterest girlies in there too]

summary: y/n is new to monaco and quickly finds herself dancing with mclaren driver lando norris despite all intentions she has of focusing on only her career

a/n: i did not proof read so im so sorry if there's spelling mistakes at all! hope everyone had a happy holiday

y/n.ballet posted on their story

⟡⟡⟡

"i think some of the other drivers should be here soon," alex, charles girlfriend, says loudly over the music.

you've been out with charles and his friends for a few hours now, meeting for drinks at someone's yacht and now at a club that you can't remember the name of. alex has quickly become the person you're clinging to, as one of the only other girls out.

"oh! i didn't know anyone else was coming," you yell back. she shrugs and gets up to pull you along with her to the dancefloor.

when you return to the booth in the corner there are more guys at the table, all laughing to themselves as they take a round of shots. charles being the first to notice yours and alex's return goes to introduce you to the new arrivals.

"everyone this is y/n," his words slur together a bit, he then points to everyone, even the ones you've met already, and reintroduces them. "and lastly we have lando."

he looks familiar, and not just from seeing him on tv or in advertisements around monaco, but it's like you've met before.

⟡⟡⟡

y/n.ballet posted on their story

⟡⟡⟡

it's been at least an hour, and a few more drinks, since the other drivers met you guys at the club. you, alex, lando, and charles are sitting in the booth after everyone else abandoned the group for dancing. you've been sitting quietly, giggling with alex, as charles and lando go back and forth telling stories about each other.

alex leans towards charles, whispering something into his ear. he nods and then announces that they're gonna leave soon.

"i should leave too, its getting late i think," looking at your phone you see it's nearly 2am. you go to crawl out of the booth and stumble a bit trying to gain your balance. a hand reaches and grabs your arm steadying you.

"is someone taking you home?" lando asks looking down at you, hand still on your arm.

"that's a bit forward isn't it?"

"wha-oh, not like that, i mean how are you getting home," he sighs, "you're clearly drunk y/n, and no one in their right mind would let you get home alone."

giggling you try to touch both your fingers to your nose (not entirely correctly but the thought was there), "see not drunk im fine! plus i dont live far im just going to walk back to my apartment,"

"let me walk you?" he asks, moving his hand to the small of your back as he guides you to the exit.

...

"and tulip fever is why I like tulips so much, it's honestly one of the best movies I've ever watched," it's been about 20 minutes of you blabbering non-stop, walking through the middle of the street as lando follows you, "oh my god I walked into you the other day that's where I know you from! je le savais! I was on my way to classes and completely walked into you, im so sorry by the way. I can be so out of it someti-"

"breathe," lando cuts you off laughing, "I don't think you've stopped talking once since we left."

you blush with embarrassment, "I'm so sor-"

"don't apologize it's cute, I like it," he cuts you off again, "do you know where you're going, or have you just been walking down random roads hoping your apartment appears?"

you point at the building on the corner, "it's this building! I know where I'm going!"

"are you sure? because this the second time we've been on this street."

"yes I'm sure," you laugh, swatting at his chest.

he follows you as you enter the door code and walk up the stairs to your apartment door, "you coming in?" you ask.

"not tonight, just making sure the pretty girl made it home safely," he smiles, giving a half wave as he goes back down the stairs.

"goodnight lando."

"goodnight y/n."

⟡⟡⟡

y/n.ballet

liked by ybfusername, landonorris and 4,019 others.

y/n.ballet à propos de la nuit dernière 🌷

ybfusername you better be prepared to explain those flowers missy

username5 where's the dress from?? 😍

username2 gorgeous smile

view 43 other comments

landonorris

liked by y/n.ballet, username3 and 320,872 others.

landonorris about last night 🕶

username1 that second pic omg

username3 DJ LANDOOOOO

view 4,274 other comments

[l0stfoster]

Hey its paul anon again (thanks for the name 🫡) sorry ive been bombarding you with questions but I absolutely love this au and i love everyone to bits

So, can you go into more detail about darry and paul . Like, as much info abt them as you can throw at me those two are my boys . Like how did they officially get together , how did Paul go abt moving in and whats that situation like .

Also, when Paul is like kicked out and cut off from the family, does he end up just,, losing everything? I mean like, did his parents even let him get his belongings or did all he have was the clothes on his body and trauma. I would imagine his parents had control over his bank account too so they like shut that down too so he’s out here broke as fuck JHSJSHSJ sorry im just yapping

Anon never apologizes for asking I'm so open to answering them bc I love this au and I adore that so many people like it too. Parry fans are eating good bc the writers love Cursed!Parry just as much. I'll answer your questions ab them before I yap. To be totally honest, those two did not ever really make it official. Doing that requires two things they lack; emotional openness and no internalized homophobia. They both told themselves for the longest time that it wasn't a relationship... even after they started saying "I love you" in Latin and Fae respectively (Paul knows Latin bc spells, Darry knows Fae for obvious reasons), or when each other realized managed to figure out WHAT the other was saying,, or when they started sharing a bed and waking up intertwined,,, or when they started using far too affectionate pet names,,, or when things became far too intimate for it to be casual. They never actually make it official, one day they just slip into calling each other their boyfriends. The most official it ever got was when they flat out went "Oh yeah, we're dating" to the gang. The gang was making bets on that, by the way. Pony said weeks, Soda said a month, Steve said two, Two-Bit said a year. Ace got it right down to the date and time, nobody knows how she did it. They have no anniversary because they have no fucking idea when they really "got together". Paul never truly moved in either, he kinda just went from crashing there whenever his car wasn't an option, to taking up the couch almost every night, to sleeping in Darry's room, and eventually, it was just an unspoken thing that he was officially a member of the household. They have to kick him out for the day whenever the social worker comes to check on things, cause Darry can NOT take the risk of some kind of bad outcome to his mere existence. OK MORE GENERAL PARRY - Being with Paul reminds Darry that he's only 20 and still allowed to be something other than "the adult" sometimes. That brings a whole KIND of happiness that he can't describe. Dude's tail is fucked up due to physical trauma but that bitch wags so fast with Paul. - Darry on the other hand just generally grounds Paul. He's so used to the way of life that was on the west side that everything going on there is overwhelming sometimes. - They're very bad with vocal I love you's in English but they will say that shit ALL the time in different languages or through their actions. - Uh after Paul got jumped and had his letterman jacket stolen, Darry gave him an old denim jacket of his own bc Paul hated having his arms out in the open. - Pony audibly gags every time they're lovey-dovey. He's not homophobic unless you're Paul and Darry. - They'd shotgun cigarettes when they were younger (and the only reason they don't anymore is the account of Darry wanting to keep the fact that he smokes every rare occurrence on the down low) - Darry's purring has healing properties like a cat's purr (all of the brothers' have it actually) so this mf will just drag Paul down to cuddle and purr. - They are.. so down bad for each other. Darry does anything and Paul swoons, and they've def had an interaction that goes something like this: Paul, knowing Darry cant lie: "How do you feel about me right now?" Darry, immediately: "I'd marry you if I could." Paul & Darry:

As for being kicked out, Paul's parents quite literally just. Booted him, barely a warning. One minute he's arguing back for the first time since their keeping up appearances at the police event, and the next he's being dragged by the arm and shoved out of the house with threats of being killed if he dares to show his face back there. Just like that, all of it's pretty much gone; save for the clothes on his back and whatever he'd been carrying-- which was really only his car keys and his wallet. He was sleeping in his car for a bit until Two and Pony vaguely got on his ass because Darry's calls were going to voicemail and he was stupid enough to let it slip that he wasn't living at home anymore. Pony, being Pony, snitched. Can't have shit with that little gremlin around- so after finding his dumbass after having had the equivalent of an aneurism over suddenly being ghosted by Paul, Darry extended the offer for Paul to stay with them. He doesn't mind it being a permanent solution, but Paul is.. less fond for a few reasons; so he tries not to impose much while he looks for work. (He does eventually get something sorted out, so yippie! Helps with the bills what a guy) FORGOT TO ADD. He sneaks home at one point to try and get some of his shit because he knows where the spare key is, but gets cold feet at the door because he genuinely doesn't know if his dad will keep up with that threat.

[im-bored-so-i-draw]

Burst of inspiration :DDD

I have this concept of silverfish!silverr for such a long time and this is me trying to write the idea down

My drawing pad(?) broke and its been so long since i tried watercolor so the colors are not right in here..

Ref part 1|part 2

WARNING: i ramble below about this idea but my English is bad (and its long)

So first of all i just want to point out that I made him TOO buff. Just saying.

So you know these guys right (This is what my whole reference page is 😭).

'They are fast and they are named SILVERfish so why not base silverr from this?' Is my thought process. He is fast and silver(fish)rruns is not safe from my designing-everything-in-sight-manias ass.

(Thorax: legs)

We start off from the horns. The horns/antenna is a solidified shell around his antenna, slowly covering the whole part in an extremely slow process. The antenna part that is still exposed is working normally to help silverr see. Since you know. He's blind.

Now his back/legs. Well. Legs. Why is it on the shell? Ok now every silverfish spawned is just like that. I have no defense but it looks cool.

2 upper thorax has 4 joints and is bigger than the lower thorax. This made these legs move more freely and faster. But the drawback is that they are heavy.

The lower thorax is a lot lighter and shorter. These two legs are mainly a support for the upper thorax. These thorax also only have 3 joints.

His arms are actually his legs but got mutated(? Modified?) You can actually see the joints visible (some joints are dead so he can't use them). It also has the same hard shell with the horns/antenna at the top.

His legs are also a mutated form of thorax. With some hard shells covering most of his lower leg. The lil hairies is in every part of his body but most visible in the lower legs!

About his tail? Its not actually a tail but a decoration from his cape. (Page 2) he does have a tail but it doesn't get carried to his human form.

Now about the whole deal with him.

Silverfish usually don't live too long, mostly being 8 years or so. Silverr, who is no different, have a different approach for this topic. Instead of growing old, he started to collect this magic orb/pearl from dragons, willingly or not. This magic pearls contains a fraction of dragons power and magic. But having just 1 of these only extends his life for 1 month. One dragon can produce 1-21 pearls, depending on many reasons. Mainly of how powerful the dragon is, technique to absorb it, and how long the dragon lived. The ability to absorb some of the dragon's power and turn it into an object is only possessed by some mobs, and silverfish is one of them.

Most silverfish have 2-10 pearls, scavenging anything remains from a dead dragon. They are not capable of fighting the dragon so they usually wait for a player to slay it.

Silverr is quite lucky to spawn on a completed portal and a freshly slain dragon (more likely by a speedrunner too!). He managed to restore all 23 pearls from the dragon.

Dragon orbs not only can extend their life, but they can use that magic to do... Magic and spells? With this power, they can also change into a human. Well lets say silverr starts running.

Silverr goal is not only to live longer, but he is planning to become a dragon. Why? Immortal. At least until someone kills him. A dragon can live forever as long as there are no one slashing his neck. Also power. Also cool i guess. (Draft)

That's why he went from worlds through worlds to kill their dragon. A part of this dragonification is the growing of hard shells all across his body. When all of his antennas get hard shells around them, he finally counts as a dragon.

Clearly there are a lot i havent write down, but im too sleepy for it.

[kirabasai]

au where an ancient briar valley general accidentally gets tangled up in the space-time continuum when he combines his unique magic with teleportation, and gets spit out into general vanrouge's era. i'm thinking this is before levan or revan or however the fuck u spell his name disappeared. i'm going to be pasting parts of my original conversation with my friend bow_to_the_king (he doesn't have a tumblr but check out his ao3! he depicts fae and lilia beautifully) below, and THEN i will be adding my spitballing additions below the cut.

me: doing stuff rn but this brain bunny entered my head. general vanrouge x time traveler except the time traveler is a past briar valley general who disappeared one day. and is as feral as lilia so ofc they initially hate each other

me: brainrotted more. they're an owl fae

me: he's an owl fae?

me: she?

me: whatever's an owl fae

me: thinking... blue hair. so it's the blue/red trope

me: ok vibes for what i have of them so far is def not a she so. gonna refer to this time traveler w he and they until i settle on whatever sticks more

me: thinking their um is usually just jumping forward in time a bit. like 5 minutes max. they use it in combat decent bit because hey what works works u know?

me: until one day he's like. super desperate. so he used his um while teleporting. which mixes..... Badly. he gets tangled up in the spacetime continuum and spit out to somewhere near a camp of lilia and his soldiers

me: it would be rlly funny if this was a time that predated the animal masks. so they don't recognize lilia as someone from briar valley and lilia doesn't recognize him as someone from briar valley, because he has a cloak and mouth veil thingy (only eyes and some hair r visible)

me: so its like a huge misunderstanding until SOMEBODY works it out. but lilia and this dude r still bitter from their first impressions. so they r constantly at each other's throats and arguing over choices and whatever

me: it's like. a power / pride thing

me: and then something something something, something something something! dadadadada blah blah blah

me: and then they kiss

(- i said something around here abt being a literary genius)

me: i just love red/blue who start off in hate ok

me: technically enemies to lovers i suppose, even though they're actually on the same side.

king: Get that duality

king: Emotion enemies to lovers

king: Two alley cats that hiss at each other but end up cuddling eventually

me: and it's extra funny because they are similar

king: Ooooo do a but where they say the same thing at the same time and then proceed to glare at each other the rest of the meeting while trying to out do the other

me: it's funny because this dude is like. actually famous. he's in briar valley history books like lilia is in the present day.

me: everyone else is like oh my god... i can't believe im in the lost general's presence.... he's such an icon... i've looked at so many accounts of his battles..... while lilia is just like

me: die

me: i do not give a fuck

me: fight me

king: They get home from deployment and Owl gets flowers and such thrown at him and has people constantly wanting to talk to him and Lilia’s just stewing in contempt (and secretly territorial about every one monopolizing Owl’s time)

me: he actually is lowkey bitter about it "oh going out to greet your adoring fans instead of training?" and owl is like. "IM SORRY??? WHAT." and then they brawl

king: Oh my god

king: They’re Malfoy and Harry

king: Rivals to lovers

me: well yes

me: but in their heads they r enemies

me: so both technically

king: That adoring fan bit is absolutely something Malfoy would say to Harry

king: In like canon

me: shit you're right

me: ah well drarry is a classic i cant complain

me: just realized im at a point i should probably name owl…

king: Seras is a cool name

king: Seras is technically a female name meaning princess, fiery, or bright

(i noted this down and told king i usually collect a handful of different names & surnames and mix and match them until i find The name)

me: seras, emil, and cyrus/kir r my first name options

me: tbh i don't actually like cyrus/kir as much as seras and emil but i need to keep my options open wait wait wait

me: emil seras

me: lilia calling him seras not as in using his last name to be respectful but as in calling him princess to mock him

king: The general is a menace like that

and then at some point mid-convo

me: also while u were gone i played a bit in picrew typing to capture general owl fae's vibes

(i sent king the ref pics i made. courtesy of this picrew and this tiefling picrew.) [insert links]

king: Ooooooo those wings look gooooood

OKAY NOW ONTO MY YAPPING AND SPITBALLING BELOW THE CUT

first of all the CLOAK. the cloak is actually a necessity. it's a type of padded armor made of thick pressed wool tightly pressed together. not only is it warm, but the way the fibers connect together and work is that it stops piercing blows from swords. it even could stop very early bullets! (not modern day). from what i can tell, this was generally worn over the rest of somebody's armor? it also wasn't exclusively armor. shepherds and whatnot also used it to keep warm, and shield themselves from wind. generally there shouldn't be a hood, but i really wanted the hood. a little feature that stuck w the armor and apparel of briar valley soldiers through the centuries (because general lilia has a hood but no cape/cloak)

it's originated in the caucasus mountains, and is called a nabadi or burka. it was generally made from sheep wool (according to wikipedia, karakul wool which is central asian in origin). it is also a style of clothing customary of males in the caucausus region at that time. at some point, around the 18th century, russia appropriated it and made it apart of their armor (which is why it is also called a burka). you can learn more about the nabadi and padded armor in general here.

something i like to do is put little aspects of myself or my heritage into my characters, which is what i did here lol. i'm half kurdish and according to my father we (as in my clan i think) originated from the caucasus mountains and descended down to where we lived in the middle east (obligatory rip kurdistan).

i thought this form of armor would be quite suitable for emil, because not only does briar valley seem to be a very mountainous region (and mountains are COLD. also from what i can tell briar valley seems to be located quite up north so. extra cold.) additionally, some of the briar valley names just feel a bit. russian. if u will. such as lilia, zigvolt (ignoring the fact they immigrated), vanrouge, etc. also russia and the caucasus region in general? in asia. close to the middle east. which is also mostly in asia. sebek coming from an egyptian god and baul sounding a lot like baal. ik real world geography has no bearing on the cultural influences of the countries in twst, and it's more generally mashing a mix of cultures together, but it makes sense in my head.

so the cloak? 100% an essential and totally canonical to the briar valley region. (i did not expect to brainrot so hard on this part oh my god.)

[zeephyre]

CRITICAL ROLE CAMPAIGN 3 EPISODE 85 SPOILERS

IM LITERALLY ABOUT TO LOSE MY MIND YALL

Where do I even ??? start ???

I haven't been posting c3 as the episodes dropped in...a while actually, like right before they went to the feywild. i have many thoughts and many feelings about so many things that have happened since then and I'll summarise them so I can get to THIS episode.

fearne and ashton - love their shard powers, they're literally royalty and terrifying, and i want them to make-out. i can't wait to see them go full primordial again in a real combat situation.

imogen - save her. literally save her. free her, even. i love everything about the call of ruidus when it comes to imogen on a narrative standpoint, but...God I get so worried that we're gonna lose her. I don't mean she's gonna betray the hells, but...ruidus could take her and then i would simply perish.

laudna - before i really get into wtf went down this episode with her and she who must not be named, i gotta say... im worried. very very worried. however, that fireball was objectively the best shit ever.

fcg - i can't even really remember anything stand out abt fcg except what Sam pulled last night so.

chetney - still the heart of the team, still my baby girl, still my favourite. love him to bits.

orym - i think laudna is going to beat his ass one of these days and im... even more concerned about that after this episode. his nana morri powers are cool as fuck tho... does that make him a warlock now? i know he isn't multi-classing but wouldn't that be cool

ANYWAY WE'RE ON THE FUCKING MOON AND WE GOT MOON LORE AND EVERYTHING WAS SHITTY THEN FUN THEN SHITTY THEN FUN AGAIN THEN REALLY FUCKING SAD THEN IT ALL WENT TO SHIT AGAIN.

the moment imogen reached out to ruidus and matt mentioned that she could sense where other ruidusborn were i fucking knew that otohan was high tailing it in their direction, and i thought they instinctively knew that too but they probably got so distracted.

we were travelling for hours and had a huge fight that almost got them captured (not to be confused with the OTHER two fights that almost got them captured) and I was begging and screaming and crying for them to get a long rest safely hidden away AND THEN THEY SPLIT THE PARTY WITH BARELY ANY SPELL SLOTS OR HIT POINTS AFTER BEING DRAINED FROM ANOTHER BATTLE WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM

(Sidenote, the willmaster really opened up the door to the further increase in moral pondering in a certain number of hellians. i do think using the harness is disgusting and hypocritical, but i don't condemn them for it, it just...makes me wanna vomit thinking abt what ludinus did with it. not to mention the HUNGER parallels between laudna and ludinus...its just not good yall. also??? objectively funny that fcg seemed weirded out by the idea of killing the willmaster, not just with the harness but in general, considering how many people they've killed up to this point)

idk if its just the inherent terror that an evil old hot lady can inspire that makes otohan so much more terrifying to me than ludinus. like, objectively, ludinus is a worse threat and could wipe them out EASILY but jesus otohan is like the damn reaper to me. it's the trauma from the laudna, fearne, orym massacre mixed with the underlying little drop from their uthodurn romp that let us know that resurrection spells are NOT working and idk if that got fixed bc of time passing or distance from the leylines but i really did not want to test that shit out in real time

thank...god that sam riegel is a damn genius player, that banishment of fcg and fearne was the ONLY reason fcg survived. and thank GOD FOR KEYLETH BECAUSE WITHOUT THAT CLOUD SPELL BELLS HELLS WOULD BE VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY DEAD RN.

God, "otohan has us. run." is going to haunt me just as much, if not more than the almost tpk. it just...shot me straight back to bassuras and the plan to run that just...immediately fell apart.

god fcg truly could have died there. and fearne would be captured. i know the hells would be too stupid and too brave and too loyal to leave fearne with otohan in their cloud form but can you imagine a world where fcg was gone, fearne was captured and the hells had to switch from recon to rescue... itd be stressful but pretty fun.

thankfully it didn't come to that and some good came from the shit.

ruidus is so beautiful. i was worried they'd end being trapped under ruidus while they explored (not that I wasn't on board with the detours, I wish this wasn't a time sensitive mission), but matt's imagery of the fossilized elven structure and garden made me sad but also happy that we got to see it.

i cannot believe that the stupid plan to shove fearne up a water hole happened AGAIN and it ended up with us FINDING A BACK HOLE TO RUIDUS GOD I LOVE THESE CHUCKLEFUCKS WHEN IS THE NEXT EPISODE MATT YOU CANNOT DO THIS TO ME. WHERE EVEN ARE THEY??? IS IT EVEN EXANDRIA???? WHAT DO WE DO IF IT IS EXANDRIA??? WHERE DID THIS HOLE EVEN COME FROM???? DOES IT CLOSE AND REOPEN??? IS IT STAGNANT?????? IS IT FUCKING STABLE?!?!?!?!?!

God...we could go back to keyleth and the others and actually invade ruidus without encountering the ruby vanguard. (that's if they're alright because otohan did go out onto the battlefield and we don't know what fhe fuck she did when the illusion fell through)

GOD. IS IT THURSDAY YET??? WE HAVENT EVEN FOUND THE RESISTANCE????

[puckpocketed]

UPON FURTHER RESEARCH i may have found the unluckiest girl in the world, Canadiens edition. this is old news to a lot of people but its news to ME!!!!! David Reinbacher uou have been throuhg the trenches hello take my fin GET BEHIND ME

drafted in Bedards draft year but also the next 3 guys are Carlsson-Fantilli-Smith . and everyone and their mother was wondering who was gonna get Michkov. what an act to follow RIP

CAREY PRICE BLUE SCREENED WHILE CALLING OUT HIS NAME. CAN'T MAKE THIS UP!! "Bonsoir, Les Canadiens de Montreal are proud to select, David….........." HELPPPPPP???

to make things worse people sent him thousands of awful messages. AS THOUGH IT WAS HIS FAULT HE GOT DRAFTED INSTEAD OF THE OTHER KID. the messages included death threats and comparisons to hitler (he is austrian. and me. well. I am lighting them all on fire ! <3 )

so the Habs send him back to the NL to let him develop without the pressure of this accursed fucking market right. that should be fine. right.

BOOM !INJURY!!! TWO INJURIES!! im wailing... sobbing... when will it end

His team, Kloten, acquired a new GM the year before. whats the worst that could happen?

THREE DIFFERENT COACHES! AT ONE POINT THE GM IS COACHING??

Kloten were sort of average the year before but this year its flop city. 17-29-6 ahaha <3

god . their system is. not good. per this article -> "Gerry Fleming, named this summer and who was coaching at the opening of the season, is responsible for turning a fairly interesting 22-23 team into a very bad one, including making them defend man on man all over the defensive zone."

and reinbacher saw the most use of all the defensemen in rotation for yet another season. helo .

most difficult match ups. second worst team in the league. so of course he sees a regression in production from his draft year, and during what was supposed to be a season for development this is.Not Good!!!

gonna just. leave some of thee most devastating/endearing quotes from this article below:

like even the nicest fans are sort of holding their noses about him at the time. like oh. him? not an exciting pick at all, according to many. not what the Habs need, in a draft year stacked with offensive talent. not flashy. unsexy, well-rounded hockey. consensus best defenseman on draft day but that's still not good enough !!

weight of the world type beat…gotta prove you're worth that high draft pick. gotta show them they shouldn't have sent you back. they saw there was a mote of excellence in you once and surely if you try to do everything on your own they'll see it again right? <3 ahahahaha.... !

and finally their season ends and the habs reassign him to the AHL. christ alive!!!!!!

he makes his AHL debut with the Laval Rocket and does pretty well!! scores his first goal !!

here's something that made me scream. what are u doing to him, montreal...................

Anyway. the boys in Laval call him Rhino (alt spelling: Reino?) and thats ADORABLE and hes going right beside all the other dmen in my heart .tucking him in carefully!!!!

whatever the hell is goin on with him and Lane Hutson.... i love when two players are bonded cats at the shelter. cosmically fated to be each other's d-pair? hello <3

what if we were prospects and everyone thought we fit together perfectly. what then.

feeling very hinged and regular. hello. unluckiest girl in the world David Reinbacher . <3

[whywasthissohardtomake]

okay. time for the romantic entanglement analysis thingymabobber. I'm using my laptop so you know things are serious (and also that my grammar and typing will be better lmao).

okay. this is becoming really long, so I'm gonna put one of those keep reading barriers.

So, the thing is, is that I like Cassandra and Asiao. Like I like them as characters and they are also likable. Fun to read and pretty well-rounded for side characters. They don't have as much depth as like, Jason or Sophie or Farrah, but they're not as important to the narrative as those three are, and they're characterization is on par with other characters of their same importance, like Danielle Geller. Amy is a good character but I don't like her on a personal level due to my extreme bias towards Jason. I like her, but also like what the fuck Amy?? why would you do that? (I know why but it's still a dick move.)

So, we have established that I like all of Jason's current and past romantic entanglements (girlfriends as they are usually called lmao). But I don't necessarily like them with Jason. This isn't because I ship him with someone else, but because I feel that they are not really great matches with him. and also that he really shouldn't be dating anyone.

They are all clearly not endgame, and I find their dynamics to be relatively... not shallow, but not emotionally vulnerable to the extent they should be. Maybe I'm just a romantic at heart, but for romantic partners of the kind Jason seems to be seeking out, they do not have the depth of bond that is wanted in those relationships. And I feel that they never would have them.

I just realized this whole thing is gonna be so rambly oh my god. I'm so sorry in advance.

but anyway, Jason doesn't trust a lot of people. He may seem to, but he doesn't. not with himself. His reaction to emotional upheaval is still to run away and hide his pain, as shown in the aftermath of Makassar (I think this is the right city. Unlike character names, I can actually look up cities in Indonesia and how to spell them. Yay!!). he may trust Asiao with the secret of the door and of saving the world, but he would not so readily bare his heart. And I know I'm contradicting what he does in canon. Because he often talks about how bad he's doing, but that's because he's doing so bad. I firmly believe that if he were given moments to rest he would downplay things. WAIT NO HE STILL DOES THAT. JUST NOT IN THE WAY IM THINKING. I FUCKING KNEW I WAS RIGHT. he is downplaying his experiences!! but not by not acknowledging them but by comparing them to others and finding his own trauma wanting!!

what's so surprising about that though is that in the aftermath of the torture he was all about getting the healing he needed, and yet he still doesn't seem to have the coping mechanisms that he should. I don't know, he's both aware that he's doing poorly, has skills to work on it, but still downplays his own pain but only when comparing it to others.

waiiiiit. I think I'm figuring something out here. If Jason and someone else were tortured together, he would be more worried about them than himself even if he was worse off. or he'd feel guilty that he didn't get them both out sooner. He doesn't downplay his pain as much when he can't find something to feel guilty about or when it only affects him. I think I'm getting more of a handle on Jason's responses to trauma and stuff.

FUCK THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT HIS GIRLFRIENDS OH NO. tangent over. back to romance!!

okay! so! what's interesting is that Jason is more willing to be vulnerable with friends than he is with his romantic partners. Farrah knows him best and while she also has waaaaayyyy more knowledge about Jason and has seen him through more things, I can't imagine him having the easy kind of trust between him and Asiao. Which Farrah even acknowledges. that these are two different kinds of trusts, and it's not surprising Asiao can't trust him completely yet.

but the other thing is, is that both of his relationships that develop within the series start immediately as romance. Well, I mean Asiao starts as high school acquaintances, but when he comes back their relationship develops quickly to romance. Cassandra was immediately romantic. I feel that Jason would have a better relationship, a deeper one, if they started as friends and developed more into romance over time. But I wonder if he'd ever be willing to do that again due to what happened with Amy. If he'd be willing to pursue a friend romantically when the last time that happened she married his brother.

What's also interesting is in who pursued who in his relationships. He wanted Amy first and (from what we are told) seemed to... not pressure, but something less manipulative in the same vein, her into a relationship. We are also told that she only accepted his advances when he started taking an interest in Asiao. As this is all told from either perspectives too close to the relationship at hand or too far, I'm taking all of that with a heaping spoon of salt.

With Cassandra, he started the flirtation, but it seems to have been mutual in its growth. To be honest, Cassandra has been my favorite of Jason's love interests, though Asiao might be my favorite of the three women as characters if we ignore the romance-Jason aspects.

With Asiao, she basically pursued him. Yes he was open to it, but he wasn't seeking it out. If he was really invested in trying to date her, he might have tried to get the bracelet and see if she'd be willing to wear it try some dates. But he didn't. he even says that he's not as emotionally invested in the relationship as she is, though he feels he could become more invested. (If my theory is true, he is becoming more invested only to BE FUCKING STABBED IN THE BACK.)

anyway, I don't know if the above means anything, but eh.

OH!! as to why Jason shouldn't be dating anyone: he has so much unresolved trauma surrounding romantic relationships. He has said over and over that he does not have to get over Amy and Kaito's betrayal, that he hasn't gotten over it, and that he doesn't plan on getting over it. I honestly believe this man should not be dating anyone until he works through that. I don't care that I haven't seen any noticeable trauma responses when it comes to his relationships. He may not be hurting anyone due to his unresolved trauma, but I doubt it's healthy for him. I need this man to go on vacation with his friends and just chill. No dating. no monsters. no nothing. just him and his family and his friends who are family.

anywho, this is the post! as always, pls no spoilers

[ask-marios-apprentice]

(from @asksmg4avatarpeachau)

Shadowy Figure/Apricot Blossom/???: Hi there!! :3! Just a quick question, what's your Peach like? My Peach is pretty great (and amazing and a goddess and wonderful and-) but I just wonder what your one is like? ^⁠_⁠^

Our Princess Peach...

PEACH!!! Are you busy!!!

Peach: Garth! There is not a need to shout, especially if you're trying to summon a princess.

Garth: Sorry.

Peach: It alright, just don't do it again. Just don't do it again. Now what is it that you need?

Garth: This shadowy figure wants to know what you like. Be careful though. They might do something like mind control you.

Peach: Well we can't have that, can we.

[Peach apparently does some sort of reflection spell]

Garth: So my universe's version of our Mushroom Kingdom ruler is a powerful magic user. It's called love or kindness magic Peach: It's called heart magic. The spells I can cast are quite powerful. But it took me until the middle of the 1980s to properly master my magic. It was around the time that my father, King Mushroom Toadstool passed away. He left me this merkite crystal. It allows me to better channel the magic. Garth: Merkite is a magic rock. It's used to generate, amplify, channel... pretty much it works with magic. Peach: Of course, I'm more than just my magic. Garth: You also got kidnapped a lot by Bowser until 2007. When you signed the peace treaty Peach:... Like I said. I'm more than my magic. I am also a ruler. After my mother, Queen Okra, passed away from the shadow lung when I was only 12. I was primed to become the ruler of the kingdom. Though i did keep the title of princess. [Soft laughter] Garth: You're also a great politician, she has an 89 percent approval rating. Peach: well. Im sure it would be 93 if we could poll the neautreal areas that are both ours and Dark Land. Garth: Eh... Peach: Well. Outside of my political career and magic. I'm also a great baker. There was a reason why Cake was considered such an apricated thank you and highly sought after achievement. Garth: is there any left? Peach: No. We had to throw it into the furnace after Goomboss the Second almost got killed because of his nut allergy. Garth:[Annoyed grumble] Peach: Of course. I'm also a family girl. I miss my late parent dearly. But i still have loved ones in my life. My moms sibling Coriander and my cousin Daisy. Toadworth was like a second father to me. And the two most important people in my life. My husband Mario and my daughter Meggy. Garth: Don't forget your in-laws and friends. Peach: Yes. the Jupmin family treats me like one of their own. As for the maternal end of Mario's lineage. My family had been familiar with the Brickle name as well, I believe that was why I had a play date once or twice when I was a toddler. But for my friends, I have had a few tea dates with locals, Polticans, shop owners, Garth's mother Akira. They are nice to be around. Garth: I think that's about it. Hopefully, that answers your question apricot. Take care. and feel free to drop asks and spread the word to people you know.

...

Garth: Your dad's name is Mushroom?

[sukunasun]

im not sure if you've already done it but would you write a dom reader?

maybe growing disinterested in nanami kento is a given.

you try to think about him at night, calling out his name right as he steps through your bedroom door. slipping your panties to the side, you make him watch in between your spread legs. fingers working over your clit in patterns he knows by heart. and he sees every bit of the action, eyes narrowing behind glinting glasses. he steps closer, so close he could push his hips up and make you feel the heat of his bulge there under khaki-coloured slacks, a hardness, a weight you desperately long for...but you stop completely. 

all the ways he's perfect and yet, it isn't the same. he just...doesn't do it for you anymore. doesn't do you...period. you've tried to understand where he's coming from, he's stressed, it's been hectic, his dick and mind aren't in sync. all very valid reasons he exasperatedly, repeatedly, emphasizes on.

it's nothing personal, just a phase that shall be forgotten and left aside the moment the two of you get over this itching, dreadful, dry spell. conjured up with every inch of distance that grows, every uncomfortable silence that lasts a little too long, the heavy sighs when he's forgotten the details again, missed the good spots just by an inch, every "not tonight, i'm too tired," and "i'll just take care of it myself," that pierces right through your pride, your ego. especially when he's standing right there with a tent in his pants, his boxers, or his towel. one he's grabbed immediately. almost too quickly at the sound of you walking in on him jerking himself off in the shower. guilt and shame plastered across his face.

it used to sting a lot more back when the rejection was still fresh. now it only makes you look at him without second glances, without thought. a gaze devoid of warmth or wanting. giving him a sympathetic quirk of the lips and a pat on a sweaty shoulder—while he's still atop you and shaking in frustration from how absolutely nothing works. this isn't sexy or sensual, you know it isn't— 'there, there, it's alright that you can't make me come,' the gesture speaks without words, he feels the way you try to comfort him, like you almost pity him.

it's not your resigned sighs he wants, like you know exactly what he's lacking, but that sadistic part of him wishes you'd make him suffer the same urges that you bury deep down. make him feel the need and know you'll never give him the satisfaction. not for now at least, not until he begs and whines and pleads. not until he sobs the words 'im sorry' and means it. punishment in the worst form but...

he looks even better like this. on his knees and flushed red from his cheeks to the tips of his ears. you chuckle at how he's suddenly gone speechless. "careful now, they were expensive," you tell him, pressing the point of your heels to his chest and pushing him back, telling him, ordering him, "you know what to do."

nanami's obedient hands cup your ankle, slowly grazing it up your shin, your calves, and your thighs. feeling the skin he's so longed to touch, then slipping off the shoes before planting a kiss on your knee. he starts to whisper something unintelligible, "you saying a prayer?" you grin, hair a mess, falling down your shoulders as you unclasp the clip keeping the tempting locks in a neat do, fluffing it out and watching his pupils grow twice in size.

"just a short one," he answers breathlessly, "i have the rest of the night to worship you," and you deserve it. you know you do. it's not even about obligation, not about what you're owed but this is how it should have always been. a temptress coming alive. you've been walking on eggshells, both of you. nanami has to always perform, to be the one on top. his wish to control he releases slowly now into your hands. the restrained, repressed urge to bend to your will, to follow after your beck and call now realized.

nanami who is so accommodating, so subservient...it doesn't even occur to him that in the midst of trailing his lips down and leaving sweet pecks of persuasion behind, he's grown hard, so hard he's practically leaking through the fabric of his very expensive trousers.

"forgive me, i'll make it up to you," the words taste so good on his tongue, like he's meant to say it. your dress he's gently pushed up and away from where his tongue longs to be, hands on each thigh, he parts them and goes in like he's been dying for it, lips kissing, sucking you in, clit throbbing to the deep hmmmms he groans out, rumbling from his chest. the taste of you familiar and addictive and oh how he's missed this.

there you go again with the not-so-gentle tugging of his hair, blonde locks grasped between your fingers, how pretty it was styled just a few moments ago. he's spent a while getting it to lay just right, but you don't apologize for it. not when you pull his face up, hearing his gasp for air, then to the guttural wail he grits out, all from the delicious ache in his scalp. to see his lips swollen and eyes dazed, heavily lidded and glassy. "please, let me make you come," he pleads so nicely, with bated breath and a hopefulness, eagerness laced in his voice.

still, you remind him, "you haven't been able to do that for months," grinning at the whine he lets out, pained and restless. he's still fully clothed and the sweat starts to saturate the fabric. you'll let him take it off, but slowly, he has to wait for instructions. he knows you have rules. one being that he's not allowed to finish before you, and the other is alot more hard to comply to.

there will be no missionary or doggy style or any of his usual favourites. he'll only be bound and gagged by a licorice red rope. arms up and torso flexing, each and every muscle on display. you drag a finger down the ridges, tutting when he tries to maneuver his way out, fighting knots so tight and he loves the way it rubs against skin, against his hardened nipples, his cock standing upright and leaking like a faucet, bobbing and sensitive to every brush of soft, supple skin as you straddle him.

the bonds dig into his wrists, his chest, stinging and scaring. some part of him hopes you'd kiss the chaffed marks and soothe them with aloe vera later, just like he does with you. maybe hold him close for a little while. he doesn't want to ask, doesn't think he could after all those months he's left you unsatisfied. but you squeeze down on him, loving the tight furrow of his brows, the sweat that runs down the side of his temples, shaved undercut glistening in it. "that's it, just like that," you praise him.

you sound so lovely, like a balm over a wound. "i'm sorry," he croaks, the words come out hoarse and helpless. teeth biting into the weaving and saliva dribbling forth. nanami yearns for your release just as much as you do but he won't last, won't be able to salvage whatever scraps are left of his composure, his resolve, it's all too much. he begs and begs, exhaustion teetering, limbs numb and aching. "i just wanted to—" he gasps, words choking in his throat before he realizes he's crying, "—to love you right."

when had he started to fail you, when is it enough to make up for it. the tears spill in a sticky mess, clumping his lashes, and painting his eyebags in a wet glow. his stomach coils, building up into something big, something he's been dying to release for ages, and he feels like he's about to pass out. baring his teeth, he places his feet flat on the mattress and desperately ruts up into you. thrusts erratic and sloppy and just rushing to get there. to the end of all that worthlessness he feels.

with foreheads pressed together, he notices your tears too, barely keeping up the dominant facade. "you're so good, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me," you whisper, and he doesn't know if it's the honesty in your voice, his own trust reflected in your eyes, or that it's so obvious now, that you absolutely, wholeheartedly adore him, care for him, love him still. yes, you're still interested. just like that nanami's orgasm hits, sending you over the edge too with a final thrust so deep, so hard, he doesn't hold back. rope breaks and so do the legs of your bed frame, nanami releases a with a cry and white flashing behind his eyes, a jolt shooting up his spine and you feel it just as much when his seed settles inside you.

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

Ok, Dungeons and Dragons au because I can. And because a mutual asked for their main stats and now im thinking thoughts. They've all got the pirate background unless stated otherwise. I'm also only going to give Buttons a race but I imagine that porting them into D&D would make them elves and halflings and the like.

So there's like a few parties going on here. There's Ed's original Adventuring party which has since split up:

Ed: Warlock, fathomless pact, pirate background, Level 17, Str: 11 Dex: 14 Con: 15 Int: 20 Wis: 19 Cha: 20; strong focus in illusion spells, his patron, the Kraken has protected him at pivotal moments but overall their relationship is antagonistic.

Jack: Rogue, Swashbuckler archetype, level 17, Str: 13 Dex: 17 Con: 18 Int: 8 Wis: 15 Cha: 20, Whip is his main weapon and he's not like other swashbucklers tm

Anne: Rogue, Assassin archetype, Noble background (fight me about it), level 17, Str: 8; Dex: 20; Con: 14; Int: 14; Wis: 12; Cha: 17

Mary: Fighter, Champion because it's the best one, Level 17, Str: 20, Dex: 13, Con: 16, Int: 12, Wis: 15, Cha: 9

Fang: Ranger, Beastmaster archetype (I'm sorry from the perspective that it is the worst ranger subclass but yay puppy), Level 17, Str: 20, Dex: 11, Con: 15, Int: 13, Wis: 20, Cha: 13, used to have a dog but it died and it was Eds fault that it died. Now his animal companion is a goat. The goat drinks rum.

---

And then there's the revenge crew who is yet another group, they used standard array and get a racial +2/+1 for my convenience:

Jim: Rogue, Assassin archetype, probably some homebrew raised in a cult background that I can't believe they haven't put out yet, or maybe haunted one but that seems wrong, Level 5, Str: 8; Dex: 17; Con: 14; Int: 13; Wis: 13; Cha: 10.

Olu: Paladin, oath of devotion, pirate also seems wrong for him but idk; Level 5: Str: 14; Dex: 10; Con: 13; Int: 11; Wis: 12; Cha: 15, the oath is of devotion to his family which is Jim xoxo.

Lucius: Eloquence Bard, guild artisan background which lists scribes; Level 5; Str: 8; Dex: 12; Con: 10; Int: 15; Wis: 13; Cha: 17

Pete: Fighter, not sure what subclass open to suggestions, Level 5; Str: 16; Dex: 13; Con: 16; Int: 12; Wis: 10; Cha: 8

Frenchie: Artificer (I feel like a homebrew subclass or alchemist), Entertainer background, Level 5; Str: 8; Dex: 10; Con: 12; Int: 17; Wis: 13; Cha: 15

Wee John: Eldritch Knight fighter, level 5; Str: 17; Dex: 8; Con: 12; Int: 14; Wis: 10; Cha: 14; The DM is letting him take a bunch of evocation spells because the base rules for this subclass are dumb as fuck (i know the spells are school locked i just dont remember to which two schools) he will be able to cast fire ball by 13th level. Let Eldritch Knight and Arcane trickster take whatever spells they want 2k24 rogues don't need to be more invisible they do need to be able to cast identify.

Roach: life cleric, level 5; Str: 8; Dex: 13; Con: 15; Int: 12; Wis: 17; Cha: 10; his god is a homebrew deity who is the patron of all things that refuse to die and its holiest creature is the humble cockroach and once they entered the temple and the dm pulled up a gospel cover of I'm a Survivor by destiny's child for background music.

Buttons: Druid, Circle of the Moon, Hermit Background, Hexblood lineage, level 5; Str: 12; Dex: 11; Con: 14; Int: 13; Wis: 17; Cha: 8

Swede: Bard, College of Glamor (mostly because I'm still not convinced his name wasn't stolen by the fey), level 5; Str: 13; Dex: 12; Con: 16; Int: 8; Wis: 10; Cha: 16

Archie: Barbarian, zealot, same background as Jim but a different cult, level (whatever they're at by season 2); Str: 14; Dex: 13; Con: 17; Int: 8; Wis: 10; Cha: 13 (plus an ASI presumably which would go into strength); Archie and Ivan have the same Player that's why Ivan died. Very sad. Oh well there's other fighters.

---

Miscellaneous

Zheng: Bard, College of Eloquence or College of swords, Level 17; Str: 9; Dex: 20; Con: 14; Int: 17; Wis: 12; Cha: 20; alternatively? Hexblade Warlock (to parallel Ed) and Auntie is the sword. Same stats if true

Spanish Jackie: Mastermind Rogue, criminal background (it's like a pirate background but less boat oriented), Level 15; Str: 10; Dex: 18; Con: 13; Int: 20; Wis: 15; Cha: 18; retired adventurer who owns a bar that the party doesn't find out has levels until they fuck around and find out in her bar

Ivan: Fighter, Champion, Level 10; Str: 19; Dex: 10; Con: 16; Int: 10; Wis: 12; Cha: 13; player got board of playing a fighter and didn't really flesh him out :(

Izzy: Fighter, Champion, Soldier background (no water vehicle proficiency), Level 3 (he has not leveled up in 8 years, very sad); Str: 15 ; Dex: 14 ; Con: 6; Int: 8; Wis: 5; Cha: 6; I actually rolled this one up. 3d6 no rerolls, no dice box, and if it falls on the floor it's a one. Believe it or not this is after the +2/+1 to any stat. Anyway I'm an Izzy apologist now. Yes he did awful things but truly how can we blame the little guy when his charisma modifier is a -2 and his wisdom modifier is a -3. He had no idea what was going on and he couldn't talk his way out of a wet paper bag.

Stede: Barbarian, path of wild magic, Noble background, level 2 (wow, he's only been adventuring for a few weeks and he's already leveled up!); Str: 17; Dex: 8; Con: 15; Int: 16; Wis: 11; Cha: 10; I also rolled this stat array but this time 4d6 drop lowest. Also he's taking the lucky feat as his first feat. Whether that's at level one because he's human or at level 4 because he's something else is up to interpretation.

[fictionfixations]

Summary of Riddle Rosehearts' Vignettes

(referencing the wiki pages of the vignettes)

(so far. im doing this because i like riddle. also because i have a long term goal of reading every vignette. also because some people are still missing vignettes because of recent birthdays or events. theres the stich event going on right now, and i have his card, but i havent started the event yet 😭)

(..ill also quote parts of the vignette if im not sure how to describe it without it giving off the wrong idea, or unsure how to reword it)

(if there are any typos im sorry)

(...you ever type it down and then accidentally delete it before saving. AGHH)

(if I put the wrong character name anywhere im so sorry)

(theres also an overuse of character names but sometimes you really cant tell whose speaking unless clarified and i cant be bothered to be like 'the [dorm] housewarden' or anything like that so just. names. thats it.

Dorm Uniform - Only the Garden Roses

(I'm sharing the relevant hashtags to you in case you want to use it for something.)

(Part 1) --HEARTSLABYUL DORM - LOUNGE-- Cater's having trouble memorizing spell formulas. There's a practical magic exam next week, and Trey tells him that if he fails it, he could fail the class. Riddle stumbles on the two of them and asks them to explain what happened. Trey informs him, while Cater's jokingly annoyed at him spilling the beans. Riddle questions Cater if he's doing that badly but Cater assures him that it's just that one course, much to Riddle's displeasure regardless. The thing Cater's having trouble over is "autocleaning via implement magic infusion", or "the spell to get brooms and dustcloths to clean a room automatically" as described by Riddle. The housewarden himself hasn't learned it in class, but he's read it in a book.

It's confusing to Cater because it's all about a process where you have to do it exactly right or it fails, which is tripping him up. Trey agrees with him by talking about everything else you'd have to worry about so it wouldn't ruin something instead.

Riddle brings up that Cater's signature spell (copying himself) is complicated (as in probably something difficult to do), and then asks why he's struggling.

Cater clarifies that he's good at multitasking, but when it comes to having to line up everything beforehand, it's tough.

Riddle understands, and then offers to help him study. Trey questions if he's up for it since it's junior-level homework, but Riddle brushes him off by stating how he's the housewarden (and thus should have the ability to help anyone of any year), and he refuses to let anyone drop out or fail a grade.

--LIBRARY-- Riddle and Deuce bump into each other in the library. Deuce is startled at how many grimoires are around Riddle (20, and are pretty big), questioning if he's going to read them all, to which Riddle responds that he will.

He then clarifies that he's compiling a study guide for Cater, and that it's all for note-taking.

Deuce offers to carry the books to the desk, and Riddle thanks him.

(Part Two)

--HEARTSLABYUL DORM - HALLWAY--

Riddle's angry at Cater, yelling at him to explain why he can't memorize a simple 300-paged textbook. Cater meanwhile explains that he can't just memorize it in "like one or two days", clarifying as well that each page is filled to the brim with tiny text.

Trey tells Riddle to "use our indoor voice", and Riddle apologizes.

He continues on with how the study guide contains quite literally everything Cater'd need in relation to the test. "Fundamentals, applications, trick questions… The solution to every possible challenge can be found within these 300 pages."

And then says, "Just memorize the entire thing!"

Cater starts off with appreciating that Riddle put a lot of work into it, and he does wish he could remember it all, but that it's difficult for him because he keeps getting sleepy by the time he hits the third page.

Riddle gets ticked off because he hadn't even gotten past the Table of Contents.

Trey tries to calm him down, and then tells Cater that he could try reading it out loud, putting emphasis on the fact that Riddle put a lot of effort into it, and Cater's apologetic, and says he's gonna "hit the books hard, starting today!"

Riddle reminds him of the consequences of failing, and Cater acknowledges it, before snapping a quick picture of the study guide for Magicam. He leaves to do a "cram sesh" in his room.

Riddle disapproves of Cater's constant checking of Magicam, while Trey says that he can understand the desire to distract yourself from doing something you don't want to do.

Trey then goes about helping Riddle understand Cater by asking Riddle what he'd do if he had to eat something he hated.

Riddle responds by saying that he'd change his approach to "make it as edible as I could manage", going through a whole strategy of what he'd do, before he then gets an idea of what to do for Cater.

It ends with Riddle asking Trey to teach him something.

(Part Three)

--HEARTSLABYUL DORM - ROSE MAZE--

Cater gives up on taking a break from Magicam and takes a morning stroll, stumbling into Riddle.

Cater tries to make up excuses, while Riddle then mentions that he made a Magicam account the day prior. Cater's surprised, and Riddle questions if he has an issue with it, to which Cater says he doesn't. He continues on to explain that Riddle had stated before that he had no interest in making an account.

Riddle asks for his Magicam handle, to which Cater eagerly shares. Riddle advises him to check it every day, and that he "won't want to miss any of my posts."

--CLASSROOM--

Cater's phone notifies him of a post by Riddle. It's a photo of a broom, with the description, #1stThings1st #WhenCastingASpell #Tap4RoomCornersWithBroom #LevitationSpell #SageAndSalt"

He comments to himself about how cute it is that Riddle's "tagging like a newbie".

--HEARTSLABYUL DORM - CATER'S ROOM--

Riddle's made another post, this time about a dustcloth. "#AfterBroom #MagestoneInBucketOfWater #5DropOfPurificationPotion #WaterTemp20OrLess #KeepItThere!"

Cater notes how there's starting to be a pattern.

--HEARTSLABYUL DORM - RIDDLE'S ROOM--

Riddle's talking to himself about the next post, that being of a spell formula for brushing carpet. "#WaterMagic #FireplaceAshes #SilverApple", and then posts it, to which Cater immediately likes it.

--HEARTSLABYUL DORM - LOUNGE--

A few days later, Riddle asks how Cater did, to which Cater responds that he did really well (85 on written, A on applied). Riddle says, "I'd "like" that if I could!" And then gets embarrassed.

Trey congratulates him, and Cater thanks Riddle. Trey then talks about how he was caught off guard when Riddle went to him to ask how to create a Magicam account, nor had he been expecting Riddle to try to get Cater to memorize the spell formulas via photos and hashtags.

Cater agrees, talking about while the notes were making him tired, the hashtags clicked with him. As thanks, he "got a reservation at a pancake cafe with Magicam-ready entrees---my treat!"

Riddle responds that that was a "one-time assist", and that if he almost fails again, it's off with his head. Cater understands, and that he'll "do it the old-fashioned way from now on."

Riddle sets down a bunch of books, to Cater's surprise. He explains that Cater's going to read them all for his next test.

Birthday Boy - Happy Birthday

(this is the one with Yuu as the interviewer)

(Part One)

--HEARTSLABYUL DORM - BIRTHDAY PARTY VENUE--

Riddle talks about how pleased he is by the attention to detail of everything. He also notes that the "pansy embroidery on the tablecloth was done by Ace and Deuce", speaking about how it's crooked, but that it also makes it charming.

One year, on his birthday, his dormmates told him that he had an urgent summons from Professor Trein. When he opened the door, everyone from the dorm was inside, and "they set off party poppers, put an odd hat on my head, and bellowed "Happy Birthday!" in unison." In that moment, he was very confused and startled, and he recalled that Trey and Cater had laughed when they'd seen the look on his face.

He goes on to say that he "repaid" them for surprising him the way they did. Especially noting how it "takes quite some nerve" to mislead him, but then explains that "it was my first time having such a boisterous time on my birthday."

(Part Two)

In response to a question about what he does with his free time, he says that he tends to the hedgehogs. Riddle clarifies that they have a system whre they take turns to do so, so he doesn't have to visit them everyday, but that he still likes to check up on them, because they're delicate and he wouldn't want to see them neglected. He goes on to say that he keeps "a close eye on their food and the area temperature."

Riddle says that he wants to be a medical mage in the future. He explains that "it's a medical practitioner who specializes in treatments involving magic", and that someone has to be "an exceptional mage AND a licensed doctor" to be allowed to take the exam. He goes on to talk about how they have to be able to treat various different physical compositions, "dispel harmful enchantments from patients", and so on. How it's a very demanding profession that requires a great degree of proficiency and knowledge related.

He says both his parents are medical mages, and that they've raised him since he was young to be one as well. Riddle had taken it as a given and never considered other options, but "as I've spent my days upholding the Queen of Hearts' Rules", he's "taken an interest in the legal profession." He also started "reading books about judicial topics" too.

(Part Three)

Something Riddle's really good at are speed crosswords. When he was a kid, the textbooks his mom got him every month had crossword puzzles at the last page. He hadn't been allowed any other entertainment, so he'd "greatly looked forward to solving crosswords after I was done with my studies." He goes on to talk about how it'd gotten boring just solving them, so then he started timing himself, and had fun trying to go faster with every attempt.

One thing he enjoys about them had to be how accomplished he feels after. That "it's satisfying to fill in empty squares", "but the real reward is the way they let you apply the results of your daily studies." He likes moments where he can "make practical use of the knowledge I've accumulated". He also notes that he's been thinking of "holding a speed crossword tournament" to raise the other students' grades.

He goes on to say that he's been creating his own crossword puzzles since he was young. He'd started making them because he thought "it might be nice to give Trey and Chenya puzzles to solve." He continues on to say that he's "created over 3,000 of them." Then he invites Yuu to take part once the tournament becomes a thing.

Halloween - Training Regimen

(Part One)

--POCKET DIMENSION - SPARKLING HALL--

Riddle's dancing with a ghost. The ghost talks about how she wasn't great at dancing when she was alive, but that this kind of dancing is enjoyable. Riddle's thankful, and explains that she doesn't need to worry about being perfect for a casual party, and taht "everyone must enjoy themselves on Halloween. That's the rule."

Riddle then changes dance partners with Vil. Vil compliments him on his dancing, and that he hadn't expected him to be a good dancer. Riddle talks about how he's had "an interest in social dancing since I was a child", and that he'd learned from his mother "as part of my rigorous education". He's more used to "dance routines that have set steps", instead of the ones "where you just move your body to the rhythm."

Vil says that he doesn't need to scowl, because he hadn't been insulting him. Riddle says that it'd came off like Vil had been "making light of my athletic abilities." Vil clarifies that "the point I was trying to make was" that he was able to dance without stumbling whatsoever. It was an improvement, compared to "how your legs shook like a newborn fawn's last year."

(Part Two)

[Flashback Start - Soon after he became housewarden]

--INTERIOR HALLWAY--

Riddle's irritated at how long the meeting was, especially with how it was "just people pushing work of on each other". Trey explains that housewardens are busy, but Riddle says that he's busy too. He starts talking about how he's going to change Heartslabyul to actually "embody the Queen of Heart's spirit of strictness", to which Trey tries to get him to "dial it back a little", and that the students might be a little confused on what to do because of the sudden housewarden change, especially so early in the year.

Riddle says that "things are so dire" because the upperclassmen haven't been doing anything about "their indolent behavior." Then he suddenly stops, telling Trey to go back to the dorm without him, because he'd just remembered something he had to do.

Trey leaves, and Riddle takes a breather to take off his heels, finding he has a blister on his foot. He reasons that they're new shoes, and that he's "never worn high heels before". He questions why people wear them.

Vil offers him a bandage, noting that he'd been wobbling, and that "your dorm honors the Queen of Hearts, but your unseemly gait hardly does the same." He then asks why Riddle chose to wear heels.

Clarifying that housewardens are allowed to "make adjustments to their dorm uniform as they see fit", and he also notes that Riddle doesn't seem to enjoy wearing high heels. He also mentions that the housewarden before Riddle wore sneakers like the other students, so it hardly seemed necessary.

Riddle agrees, stating that it also annoys him when people think he wore them to look taller. He goes on to explain that "both the Queen of Hearts and the first Heartslabyul housewarden" wore them. He'd had his uniform "tailored to match that of our first housewarden", believing that he should abide by tradition, which means dressing formally.

Vil brings them back to getting Riddle to accept the bandage, and Riddle agrees. Vil gives him advice on what he can do to "cut down on blisters", to which Riddle thanks him and asks for what class he's in, so he can get him a new one. Vil refuses, but Riddle goes on to state that "it's a rule in my dorm to always return what one borrows."

[Flashback End]

(Part Three)

--POCKET DIMENSION - SPARKLING HALL--

Vil speaks about how Riddle had gone through the effort to find what class he was in and then gave him a new bandage.

Riddle explains how after that, he'd gotten a "manual on proper walking technique", "watched videos on correct posture" and how to "walk more gracefully", and then "added both to my training regimen." He's glad that he can show Vil that he's more used to them now, so he could correct a poor impression. Vil notes that he figured Riddle had "mellowed out considerably since those days", but that "some things never change". Regardless, he says he sees "no hint of that previous newborn fawn."

Riddle goes on to talk about benefits that heels offer, like how walking elegantly has him automatically straighten out, and that the good posture makes him feel more energized. Vil agrees. Riddle also mentions that it's satisfying to watch the "Heartslabyul students instantly straighten up when they hear my footsteps." Then they both talk about their respective Queens, and how the clacking "can announce one's presence, while inspiring both respect and fear."

Tsumsitter - Riddle's Tsum

(Part One)

--MAIN STREET--

Riddle tries to calm himself down by noting how he already tasked Cater with figuring out what'd happened, and that he needed to get back to Heartslabyul.

--HEARTSLABYUL DORM - EXTERIOR--

There's a rustling in the bushes, and he believes that it might've been a hedgehog that escaped, so he tries to get it to come out. When nothing happens, he starts speaking in hedgehog.

Something smacks into him. It's his tsum.

He's confused, thinking it's a plush toy, and that someone threw it at him. Riddle's startled when it moves. He comes to the conclusion that the "safest bet would be to secure it now", so he grabs it.

The tsum causes a fuss, but when Riddle tells it to settle down, it goes still. Riddle notes that what the tsum was looking at was the red roses, before going on to say that they "should have spare hedgehog cages". The tsum then slips away.

Riddle chases after it.

(Part Two)

--HEARTSLABYUL DORM - LOUNGE--

Riddle thanks Cater, to which Cater exclaims how cute him and his own and Cater's tsums are together, and he takes a picture. Riddle is unimpressed. He doesn't really get why they've been tasked to watch over them, though.

Cater says it's fine cause they're cute, but Riddle instead goes on about how "looking after a living creature is a serious responsibility", and that they "must remain vigilant" considering they don't really know anything about how to care for them.

Riddle hadn't been able to get it in a cage so he'd kept it in his room. When it was "lights out", however, "it hopped up on my pillow and slept soundly until morning." He notes that it's behaving at the moment, but that he doesn't think it'll last long.

Trey notes that they both look tired, finding himself right in deciding to bring them tea. Deuce tells them to try some of Trey's lemon tart.

Cater takes a picture of his tsum with the tart. Ace also mentions the tea. Riddle takes the tea in an attempt to relax.

Deuce comments on the similarity in appearances, and Riddle then notices it, but doesn't understand how it resembles him at all.

Deuce says they have a similar vibe, that they're both intense. Trey says "it has a certain dignity about it."

Riddle's tsum runs into Ace, making him drop his fork. Deuce offers to give it a slice, but Cater figures that's probably not it considering his tsum hasn't been doing anything, and that they also don't have mouths.

Riddle asks Ace if he was about to take a bite of his tart, to which Ace responds yes. Riddle reminds him of rule 89, that being "Never eat a tart before the queen without the queen's permission." They realize that the tsum knows the rules, and stopped Ace from almost breaking a rule.

Cater says it might've been a coincidence, meanwhile Riddle is smiling at his tsum, praising him. Ace and Trey have a bad feeling, and Cater goes to leave with his tsum.

(Part Two)

--CAFETERIA--

Riddle's tsum runs into two Heartslabyul students for breaking a rule. Riddle compliments him and then they both go back on patrol for any rulebreakers. Ace says that they should finish up, as Riddle's been going a little overboard "now that he's got a partner in rule regulation."

--HEARTSLABYUL DORM - ROSE MAZE--

Riddle compliments the tsum for finding another rulebreaker, about to step in when the tsum rushes off. Riddle yells at him to come back, and the tsum knocks into someone.

Riddle says that "his attire may be in violation of the rules", but that it isn't allowed to "tackle students willy-nilly", and that it isn't okay "to make their jobs more difficult in the process." Riddle then questions if the tsum is even listening to him.

Trey, Ace, and Deuce come to check up on him. Riddle's tsum runs away. Riddle orders them to get it.

--HEARTSLABYUL DORM - LOUNGE--

They captured the tsum on Main Street, and now both Yuu and Grim are here as well. Trey's off getting the tea and snacks. The tsum suddenly hops off Riddle's shoulder and slams into Grim.

Riddle's confused, before noting rule 23, "One must never bring a cat to a formal affair".

Riddle then tells him that "private tea parties don't qualify", and that Grim's not a cat, but a direbeast. The tsum doesn't agree with Riddle's interpretation, much to his displeasure. Ace grumbles that they're going at it again, and Cater compares them to siblings.

Birthday Jacket - Happy Birthday

(Part One)

--HEARTSLABYUL DORM - LOUNGE--

Azul offers Riddle a gift, that being a lamp with suit cards. Riddle comments on Azul actually using his intel for "something positive", and says that it'll look good in his room. Azul asks him to describe his room, and Riddle says it's a good place for studying, and that he even has "a storage system that allows me to locate any reference books or other matierlas I might need at a glance".

Azul then clarifies that the lamp is a scent diffuser. Riddle says he's "heard that different scents can have different effects", but that he's never tried them before. Azul figured, so he'd gotten "several essential oils that might suit your tastes", having him only pick one however since his "gift budget is limited".

(Note: To my understanding, interviewers get given a budget to get a gift for the birthday person. It's mentioned in Rook's Birthday Jacket vignette because Kalim wanted to "build a museum with famous exhibits just for you" or "book a private performance with a theatrical troupe", but that "those things take time, and I got told none of that would fit in the gift-giving budget".)

The first one reminds Riddle of the feelings he gets when "galloping through the woods and fields on horseback". The next smells like lemon, and the third smells like roses. Riddle then chooses the one with the roses.

(Part Two)

When asked which student he'd choose as a sibling, Riddle contemplates on choosing either Silver and Sebek (as Azul prompts him to think of those closest to him at school outside of his dorm).

Riddle mentions a moment where Silver fell asleep while they were "changing after morning class", and that Sebek and he had to carry him to class. Riddle also notes that Sebek "looks out for others, in his own way".

Riddle goes on to say that he "often ends up looking after others", so instead he figures that "in the interest of not having to sacrifice valuable study time", he wanted someone with good grades and a good conduct, coming to the conclusion of Jade.

Azul is shocked.

Riddle explains that he couldn't think of anyone else, and that he'd choose Jade as his younger brother. Azul is very much confused.

Riddle clarifies that "an older brother would occupy a higher standing than a younger one", so that if Jade did something wrong, he'd be "entitled as his elder brother to correct his actions". Azul can't believe Riddle's so reckless that he'd choose Jade as a younger brother for that reason.

(Part Three)

If Riddle were to transfer to a different dorm, it'd be Diasomnia, talking about how it's "home to a great many students with outstanding magical prowess" and that he would "fit neatly among their ranks". Azul calls him bold.

Riddle goes on to say that "Diasomnia students all use magic more regularly than students from other dorms", so that staying there he could "gain new magical insights".

Azul agrees with him, and then asks if he'd still aim for housewarden. Riddle says that he would, because he "wouldn't get any other opportunities to face off against one of the top five mages in the world", and that Malleus being powerful "makes him worth challenging in my view".

Labwear - That Was My Intuition

(Part One)

--HEARTSLABYUL DORM - RIDDLE'S ROOM--

Trey asks Riddle if hes' done writing the "report for the housewarden meeting". Riddle offers to have Trey take a look since he's finished. Trey's surprised by the big stack of documents, and asks if he wants it to be "delivered to the headmage". Riddle agrees.

Trey tells him not to work too hard, and then leaves.

Riddles goes over the "registration paperwork for the interdorm Spelldrive tournament", noting that Azul's "outlined so many rules that merely READING them is tedious". It starts raining pretty heavy, and he hopes Trey brought an umbrella.

--CAFETERIA--

Trey sneezes.

Riddle comments that he'd told him to "stay warm" and "get yourself to bed early", but Trey had been up late finishing his homework.

Cater asks why Trey's apologizing when he's "the one who caught a cold" so he asks for what happened. Riddle informs him that "Trey got caught in the rain yesterday while he was running an errand on my behalf".

Riddle tells Trey to take his temperature (again) after dinner. Cater tells him that he should go to the nurse's office. Trey keeps insisting he's fine. He keeps sneezing though, so Cater goes to walk Trey back to the dorm.

--LIBRARY--

Riddle's searching for a hot soup recipe, and Lilia asks him what's wrong, and notices the cookbook. He asks him if he cooks, as he'd "thought the vice housewarden was in charge of that".

Riddle starts to explain but Lilia interrupts, coming to the conclusion that Trey has a cold. He continues to clarify that they're in the same classes, so it'd be hard not to notice, and makes a correct guess on what Riddle's looking for.

Lilia says that he's "no stranger to seeing people struggle with things outside of their usual element" and that Silver's been through it many times. Riddle says he isn't struggling, and that he just needs to find a recipe.

Lilia says he probably won't find one though, because he himself had "looked for the same thing in here before", as "mild, cold-busting soups are so simple to make that cookbooks never bother detailing them." Riddle figures he'll come up with something else then, but Lilia offers to teach him how to make one.

(Part Two)

--HEARTSLABYUL DORM - KITCHEN--

Riddle comments on how cold it is, but Lilia says "of course it's cooler in here when not in use" as it's "full of heat sources", before bringing them back to the topic of the soup.

For how much water to use, Lilia says to "measure out how much you think he'd eat", and goes on to assume how much soup stock to add as he can't remember the exact ratio.

He goes on to say that there's "a lot of intuition involved" with fine-tuning the flavor, but Riddle doesn't really get it. Lilia instead asks him "what suits YOUR palate?"

Riddle "likes strawberry tarts, but one can't exactly put those in a soup." Lilia challenges him instead with a "can't you?", and that "it seems to me like putting in foods you like is a good way to whet the appetite", and goes on to mention other ingredients.

Riddle's confused that it gets put in soup, but he figures that "it IS important to maximize nutrient absorption".

When asked how much to add, Lilia says, "the more nutrients you put in, the faster he'll recover", so Riddle figures he should add a lot.

Lilia comments that "when I last made this, I added chili pepper too", and that "Silver practically sprang out of his seat after one slurp."

Riddle questioned if "stimulants" would be "counterproductive", and then says he's done with his seasonings. Lilia asks if he's not putting anything else in.

Riddle agrees, saying that "I let thoughts of Trey guide me" and that "that was my intuition." Lilia concedes and says that "all you have to do is boil it, and you're done". Riddle questions where to set the heat, as it's "giving off a rather…pungent odor."

--HEARTSLABYUL DORM - TREY'S ROOM--

Trey had been napping since he'd gotten back to the dorm, so he was awake now (it's night). He's "feeling a little bit better" and "taking care of some homework".

When asked what Riddle's got, Riddle replies that he'd made some homemade soup, and that "no pressure if you'd rather not partake" considering "it was my first go at" this kind of thing, "so I'm not sure how well it turned out". He also says he'll "eat it for breakfast tomorrow if it doesn't suit you", but Trey says he doesn't mind, and thanks Riddle.

Trey takes a sip, and Riddle says he doesn't need to have it while he's there. Trey (coughing) instead says that "you went through the trouble of making it", so he wanted to "give you feedback".

He goes on to say that it's "not a bad first effort". Riddle starts to speak but then sneezes. Trey worries over him.

--SCHOOL INFIRMARY--

(the next day)

Jade advises Riddle to take care of himself. Riddle thanks him for "walking me to the nurse's fofice during class" and apologizes.

The nurse isn't there but "there's an open bed" so he takes his temperature and then gets an ice pack.

He forgot to change, but he can't be bothered to take off his labcoat. He wakes up to Trey greeting him, and that class is over.

Riddle asks what he's doing here, and Trey responds that "I heard you were sleeping in the nurse's office" so he "came to check up on you". He asks how he's feeling, and Riddle says he's feeling better, before being interrupted by a sneeze.

Trey tells him to take it easy, and also thanks him for the soup, and that he'd finished the entire batch. Riddle calls him a fool, before saying that he can walk back to the dorm and go to bed. Trey offers to walk him there but Riddle refuses, before sneezing again.

Ceremonial Robes - What Is Your Verdict?

(Part One)

--MIRROR CHAMBER--

Riddle hopes that some more composed students will "find their way into Heartslabyul" as many of the freshmen are lacking decorum. When it goes to Ace, Riddle says he pities "his future housewarden". Riddle quickly orders him to return to his seat, as he "has no tolerance for rulebreakers", complaining to himself that he'd "have to drill basic manners into him before I even get started on the Queen's laws."

Sebek orders the others to "comport yourselves with dignity and cease your whispering", causing Riddle to believe him to be sensible.

Sebek gets put in Diasomnia, and then immediately loses his composure with "AWWW YEAH, BABY! WOOHOO! I'm in the same dorm as Malleus!" to the shock of Riddle, before he quickly gains his composure. Riddle questions if he just imagined that.

--SPORTS FIELD--

Riddle asks Silver if he's been "neglecting your preparation", but Silver says he has "it under control", before noting the lack of freshmen coming their way.

Riddle explains that "they're likely starting with more popular clubs".

Sebek interrupts them, asking "where I can observe the Equestrian Club".

(Part Two)

Riddle recalls his name, and Sebek accuses him of being a spy, "sent to uncover Diasomnia's deepest secrets".

Riddle responds with "I mistakenly believed you to be a man of diligence and decorum" and that "like all other Diasomnia students, your well-mannered facade bellies your supercilious nature."

Silver tries to explain that Sebek's a special case, but Riddle says he remembers Silver "being rather aloof" when they first met. Silver figures he wasn't that bad, and gives Sebek advice to "correct your attitude at once" and that "it is because of pople like you that Diasomnia's reputation suffers".

Sebek however, refuses to be reprimanded by him, and claims he hasn't done anything wrong.

Riddle interrupts them to start the tour. "I was a bit dismayed by the audacity Sebek displayed as a mere freshman", however "I understand that every dorm has its own customs and ways of thinking. He goes on to say that that's also true for the Equestrian Club, and that if Sebek intends to join them, that he'll need to "adhere to our ideology."

Sebek agrees, and Riddle starts going over the fundamentals. How it can be both dangerous to them and the horses, so they require a delicate touch. "In this club, your upperclassmen's word is law, and for your safety, you are obliged to obey."

Sebek says he'll "obey any orders, within reason," and Riddle notes that he's taking riding seriously.

Sebek talks about how it's an important skill "if I am to serve under Malleus" but that he wishes "to see the other club members' skills before I decide whether or not to join."

Riddle calls it "a fair assessment", and invites him to judge himself if "our club meets your standards". He apologies to Silver and asks if he could ride first, to which Silver agrees.

Riddles goes riding on Vorpal.

Sebek's impressed, and Silver speaks about how Riddle's "trained relentlessly to achieve perfect riding technique" and that "he is even more skilled than I am".

Riddle then stops Vorpal there and asks Sebek for his verdict.

Immediately, Sebek's "ready to submit my entry applications". Riddle's surprised, and Silver notes that "normally, freshmen only submit an application after observing all of their prospective clubs."

Sebek instead figured that "what if I were to submit it late, only to find that the club is already at capacity?"

Riddle agrees "if you've made up your mind", and welcomes him to the Equestrian Club.

Apprentice Chef - Riddle Making Cabbage Rolls

(Part One)

--CAFETERIA - KITCHEN--

Riddle's questioning what size leaf to use as the recipe doesn't sepcify. The ghost chef tells him that "you can always make adjustments when you're doing the rolling".

Riddle then goes on to ask "what volume of water do I need for the parboiling," and the chef responds that he doesn't need a precise measurement, "as long as there's enough water to immerse the cabbage leaves fully."

Riddles goes to measure with a ruler for mincing but the chef stops him, saying that it isn't necessary. The chef then asks why he signed up for the Culinary Crucible. Riddle says that "a housewarden should be the best at both academics AND cooking."

He also says that "it makes sense to get a head start on living independently."

The chef then asks Silver, who responds that Riddle had invited him, hoping that it could help him with his "dozing habit". It made sense to him, and he was "always ready for an opportunity to learn how to make better food."

The ghost comments on how both of them "seem to know your way around the kitchen well enough" and that "you've had no issues handling any of our cooking implements".

Silver clarifies that he always falls "back on the same crutch-- salt, pepper, and sauté" and that he'd like to do more. He'd also like to "cook more enjoyable meals for the father who raised me".

Riddle starts sniffing.

The chef asks Riddle if Silver's words had moved him to tears, but Riddle explained that while "it WAS touching", that wasn't why he was crying. It was the onions. Silver asks if he's okay.

Riddle asks "how do I make it stop?!" Silver tries to stop him from rubbing his eyes, but… "Rubbing my eyes just makes it worse! It stiiings!"

The ghost chef praises him as his "fillings came out with a very nice texture".

Riddle wants to do more to make them equal, but the chef reassures him that "once they're all swaddled in leafy goodness, you won't be able to tell 'em apart", and that "spending TOO long cooking can impact the freshness of your ingredients" to which Riddle concedes. He attempts to pack it tightly but "I pulled too hard and ripped the leaves!" The chef tells him that "that means it's time for you to try again using one of the spare cabbage leaves", and Riddle says "I'll roll it perfectly next time, just you wait!"

(Part Two)

Riddle and the chef start having a chat. Riddle mentions that "seeing Silver cooking up close was a clear illustration of how much more i Have yet to learn" and that he "memorized the recipe front to back" but "still got stumped at several points when it was time to go hands-on". The chef agrees with him about how recipes can be "unclear about measurements and the exact order of operations".

Silver notes that "even an ace academic like you still needs lots of training when it comes to mastering the ins and outs of cooking", and Riddle agrees. He states that "there are plenty of things in world beyond the limited aggregate of my experience" and that it was a "good reminder to stay humble."

--CAFETERIA--

Riddle brings out his dish to the taste-testing table, to be greeted with Malleus.

Malleus notes that they vary in size and that "these two are so lopsided next to each other, it's like a parent and their tottering child."

He explains that as it was a "meal prepared by Riddle" he was "prepared to be blown away by a masterful display of technique" but that "the flavor and plating are both entirely pedestrian".

Riddle thanks him for his honest feedback, and the ghost chef reassures him by saying that he'd done well for his first time.

Riddle thanks the chef, and continues on to state that "I'm not one to shrink from a challenge" and that "one day" he'll "reign supreme as the finest cook on campus".

Suitor Suit - Can't Make a Fool of Myself

(Part One)

--INTERIOR HALLWAY--

Ghost guards are trying to catch him, but he states that "that's my 362nd victory" and that "as long as I'm here, none shall pass". One of them calls him "tiny" but "as strong as a monster", to which Riddle glares.

50 more ghosts arrive, to Riddle's irritation, "if I don't stop them they'll pose a threat to Ace and the others. But even I have my limits…" A rose petal falls off his jacket and he recalls an encounter.

--HEARTSLABYUL DORM - ROSE MAZE--

Riddle says that the roses should've been finished pruning before the next day, but that "because of all this Ghost Bride nonsense, I'm nowhere near done!"

Malleus comes across him, and Riddle greets him. Malleus wanted to thank him, as "you're going to rescue Shroud and the other captives, yes?" And that "my retainers Lilia and Sebek are part of that group." Riddle shrugs it off as "I'm not rescuing Lilia and Sebek for your benefit", as the "Heartslabyul Housewarden is expected to show initiative during campus emergencies".

Malleus comments on his maturity.

Riddle asks if he's familiar with "the concept of noblesse oblige", as it's a "prominent school of thought that has a long history in the Realm of the Roses". "Those with power and status hve a duty to aid the weak, proportional to their station".

Malleus wonders if he judges him for his conduct being "unbefitting a leader". Riddle says that "your position as prince of your land must come before your position as housewarden", and that "though you may wish to fly to your retainers' rescue, you are constrained by circumstance."

And that in contrast, "leader or no, I come from common stock".

(Part Two)

Malleus states that he was worried over nothing.

He goes on to say that "as you presumed" he "cannot enter into an egagement lightly, even on false pretense", and so that was why "Lilia and Sebek went on my behalf", but that "it troubles me that there is nothing I can do to free them."

Riddle says that "you must think me rather incompetent." Instead though, Malleus says "I've witnessed firsthand how you care for your vassals and your determination as a leader". That "I assume you've received no royal tutelage, yet you have the bearing of a king all the same."

Malleus continues on by saying "you carry yourself with dignity and grace but you lack a certain…majesty" and that if he's "to impress the princess" that he should "wear something indicative of your stature. Riddle reminds him that he's not an aristocrat.

Malleus then asks if he'd share one of the pruned roses with him. Riddle agrees but asks what he's going to do with it. Malleus gives it to him, saying "when adorned upon you, this simple rose carries more weight than any medal."

He tells him that "if you are king of this rose garden, you must carry yourself with a rose's strength and nobility."

Riddle finally concedes as "with a genuine prince telling me this, now I really can't make a fool of myself". He goes on to say "I swear upon this rose, I shall fulfil my duty and rescue all the captured students."

--INTERIOR HALLWAY--

Riddle refuses to give up, recalling the promise.

The ghost states how he's "not even flinching" and Riddle responds with "of course not! After all, I am…"

--DIASOMNIA DORM - LOUNGE --

Silver asks Malleus if they "shouldn't try to rescue Father and Sebek", and Malleus responds that "it'll be fine", as Riddle has set off.

Silver comments on how he's "surprised at how much faith you have in him." Malleus instead says that "I am merely acknowledging the truth. After all, he is…"

"THE KING OF HEARTSLABYUL!"

Tropical Wear - If That's the Rule... (to be added lol. to be honest i havent even started the event yet)

School Uniform - Ignorance Is No Inconvenience

--INTERIOR HALLWAY--

Riddle tells a group to step aside, as they're blocking the hallway. Azul asks if Riddle's not going to "spare the exam results a glance", while Riddle asks "what would be the points, when the results are always the same?"

Azul agrees, however "I thought you may have slipped for once, but I see you aren't one to be underestimated." Riddle admits to struggling with a question.

He mentions that "three days before the exam, a paper was published, citing new discoveries to propose a wholesale reevaluation of the kingdom's history."

Azul then says that "in fact, I heard the faculty held a meeting about it. As one student managed to answer it perfectly, they decided to deduct points from the rest of us instead."

Riddle apologies, but Azul shrugs it off as "we all had access to that new paper, you're simply the only one who took notice of it" and that "I'll have to keep a closer eye on any new research that crops up" to which Riddle says he'll "do the same". He then leaves.

--HEARTSLABYUL DORM - LOUNGE--

Cater offers some treats from Trey to Ace, but needing to take a few pictures first. Ace comments on the phone case as it's "crazy popular". Cater nods, saying that "mine's legit, too".

Ace then says that he's "been looking for one too" but with a different design, describing it as "that one with the weird creature that's got a bushy head, and feet comin' out of its eyes".

Cater recognizes what he's referring to, but says "this diamond pattern really speaks to me".

Riddle interrupts by saying that they should probably sit if "you insist on keeping this up", startling Ace who asks when he got back. Riddle responds that he'd returned a moment ago, and that, "putting the queen's laws aside, prattling on in front of the entrance is simply bad manners."

Cater apologizes, meanwhile Ace asks if he's seen Cater's phone, and if it's awesome. Riddle asks if he bought a new phone, but Ace clarifies about the case, and how it's the "hottest thing on Magicam right now". Riddle asks "what about it is so unique", to Ace's surprise that he didn't know.

Ace asks how he can "even manage to hold a conversation with anyone" while Riddle assures him that he's "never been inconvenienced for not knowing what's in vogue before." Cater asks "what if Magicam winds up on an exam, though?"

And talks about his perfect score streak, to which Ace is in disbelief, before realizing that "with all the studying you do, it's no wonder you don't know what's going on in the real world".

But that "Ace has got your back! See this design is--" To immediately be interrupted by Riddle stating that he didn't "recall asking for your help", and telling them to "either sit down or return to your rooms to study". He later states though that "I suppose it wouldn't hurt to look into it a little."

PE Uniform - Don't Say a Word

--SPORTS FIELD--

Riddle's documenting his reuslts, but they're all below average. Kalim greets him out of nowhere, startling him. He asks if they can do the sprint together, to which Riddle asks if he doesn't "have a partner already".

Kalim says that Jamil's "on some other exercise" but that "we're supposed to be in apirs, so why not run with me?" Riddle agrees, but on the condition that "you aren't to say a word after we're finished". Kalim agrees, albeit confused. Vargas tells the "next set of runners, take your positions". Then they go off.

Jamil comes over, asking if Kalim's already done. Kalim nods, stating "you looked like you'd be a while, so I just went ahead and did it." Jamil asks what time he got. Kalim responds with "I can't remember" but that "I'll bet it's faster than yours'll be!" Riddle chimes in with "you were 6.81 seconds" and that "perhaps you should consider writing it down next time".

Kalim thanks him as hew was "about to do it over again for a new time, too", and then tells Jamil to "hurry up and do your sprint". Jamil thanks Riddle for babysitting him.

Riddle shrugs it off as "you deserve a break once in a while." Kalim then says "it's kinda nice to see even you can't come first in everything, Riddle" and that "Between you and Azul, I thought I was the only sophomore housewarden who wasn't amazing at just about everything, but"

Jamil then covers his mouth and apologies to Riddle. Vargas then tells them to move onto personal exercises. Kalim asks about dancing together, while Jamil says that "you're the only one who wants to do that" and asks instead "what do you think of practicing our flyting instead? We have the perfect teacher right here."

Jamil then asks "you don't mind, do you?" Since "Class E has their flight test soon". Riddle refuses to teach them how to fly but that instead "you're free to watch if you wish".

He then flies off. Both Kalim and Jamil admire his flying. Kalim calls him amazing, but Riddle instead says that "a true mage simply excels in magic over fitness."

[patchdotexe]

doip. / 5.24.23: the woodland manse

TIME FOR DOIP! it's been a few months so: welcome to dragon of icespire peak, the d&d campaign jorb is running with me, nyx v4shthestampede, and green bahamutgreen! starring the bullheaded dragonborn fighter Alidaar, the nameless halfling druid that's usually a binturong, and the new arrival (and walking disaster of a lizardfolk) hoping for treasure, Kepesk! together we're gonna fight a really angry dragon, but first there's a lot of problems in the world we need to tackle before we have any hope or surviving.

leo: [joins call] good news, i found my dice! jorb: [plays the anime "WOW!" sound on the soundboard]

Redesign Your Alidaar, We Know What We're Doing

LAST TIME, ON DRAGON OF ICESPIRE PEAK: Our heroes, having said goodbye to their friend Tobias, made their way to the Dragon Barrow. There, they met a new but unexpected ally: a lizardfolk by the name of Kepesk. The three braved the barrow together, and after some close calls, claimed the Dragonslayer sword within. Outside, they met a hobgoblin named Toblin Bloodsword, leading them through Neverwinter wood. oh fuck ive lost behind. WILL OUR HEROES BE ABLE TO CLEAR THE MANCE AND CLAIM THEIR REWARD? OR WILL THE CACOLYTES TAKE THEM BY STORM? FIND OUT………. TODAY!

i'm really good at what i do.

kepesk: wow it feels like we slept a month or two or something alidaar: more like four!

nyx: didn't we gaslight toblerone? […] leo: what's his actual name again, jorb: targor! leo, sobbing: WHY DID I THINK HIS NAME WAS TOBLIN?!

alidaar: i cartwheel over. nyx: what?? alidaar: i cartwheel over! nyx: well i was gonna ride on your shoulder or something, but i guess you're cartwheeling?? jorb: you heard the man! green: kepesk follows tripping over everything jorb: targor walks over doing a handstand or something. i dunno

good morning, falcon is here! also breakfast is here! let's goooo alidaar: good morning, motherfuckers! ..i dont say that part. OH NAMELESS HAS A NEW TOKEN, CUTE

……..huh. nameless sure is red suddenly. And This Sure Is An Overnight Change, Huh

falcon: would you mind terribly if corwin and pell dined with us this morning? alidaar: sure, why not? kepesk: [NOISE]

I FORGOT WE DUPED THE SHIT OUT OF TARGOR. targor is now aware that nameless just Does That (become a man)

jorb: [describing dinner] there's a couple of fish as well. nyx: alive. jorb: NOT ALIVE

falcon gives us a map! nyx: i am looking, i m looking with my eyes, i put my eyes on it, leo: nameless puts his face on the map. jorb, concerned: ..make a perception check? nyx: i swear im normal. [rolls a 17] jorb: this is a nice parchment!

nameless throws the map to kepesk. kepesk uses it as a napkin and then realizes its a map. falcon: i suspect i'm going to have new stories to tell after this. alidaar: you don't know the half of it. kepesk: about who :D?

nyx: i desperately want to talk to targor and tell him we're not usually like this leo: but that would be a lie :D nyx: that would be a lie.

jorb: [attempting to figure out why we can't see zodiark's name] leo: i can edit the horse. nyx: you can edit the horse???

falcon: try not to die. alidaar: it'll be hard as hell to kill us, don't you worry. :D jorb: and with that, you guys head off! nyx: ……..where am i going? jorb: YOU GUYS HAVE A MAP.

oh it's spelled manse. woodland manse. nyx: [rolls a 22 on survival] jorb: [..] you make some updates to the map as you go. leo: your map sucks ass, we improved it nyx: i'm grimacing as i hold it because it's still a bit greasy

OH SHIT THE SENDING STONE IS GLOWING OMG TOBIAS !! RAT BOYYYYY awww he misses us ;w; (and is craving cheese.) jorb: do you want to respond? you have 25 words. nyx and leo: OH GOD WHY ARE YOU MAKING US DO MATH his message is 25 words exactly. this guy. nyx: my response is two words: stay safe. kepesk: why are you guys talking to a rock? alidaar: [deadpan] sometimes rocks are magic. kepesk:

jorb: [..] you come across a clearing. nyx: why is there a boar in the bushes? green: is that a world of warcraft boar? jorb: yeah

jorb: so, what will you do? nyx: does targor have anything to say about this? jorb: oh. right. targor should say things.

OH GOD THERE'S TWO OF THEM (PARTY MEMBERS THAT'RE GOLD-MOTIVATED) NOW

jorb: do you have the ability to move targor, by the way? leo: no. i was gonna send him to the moon to test nyx: send variable to the moon. jorb: okay, try it now leo: [launches targor across the map] YEET nyx: OH GOD

jorb: there is not another identical mansion. nyx: sad. jorb: sad! leo: sad! nyx: sad! jorb: sad!

I HAVE DIED. SADLY.

leo: are the boars doing anything? jorb: uh, no, they're just grazing in the pumpkin patch. nyx: are they eating the actual pumpkins, or the leaves, or..? jorb: do they eat pumpkins? probably the leaves. leo: [googling] do boars eat pumpkins..

kepesk is leaving zodiark outside to graze on the pumpkins.

green: i can't believe i'm only asking this now and it's not my notes.. WHY did we come here??? (it's ok green i also didn't put that in my notes. anyway we're here to wipe out followers of talos and maybe get cool boots)

jorb: [describing a room] alidaar: i wanna get a look at those figures on the fireplace. jorb: it's weird- one of them looks like a binturong. one of them looks like YOU. and.. one of them looks like tobias. leo: WHAT? UM. OK . CREEPY MANSION HAS WEIRD WOODEN FIGURES OF THE ORIGINAL PARTY????? HOLY SHIT???

leo: oh my god the tokens,,, jorb: yeah i tried to get an ai to make [the tokens] into wood, it.. leo: it looks like it melted alidaar. jorb: ..had mixed results EVERYONE IS FIALING SO BAD AT INVESTIGATING THE REST OF THE ROOM BECAUSE THEY'RE DISTRACTED BY THE WEIRD CARVINGS

kepesk: i don't care about art.

jorb: -oh hey this is pretty neat actually

targor: what are you guys looking at? alidaar: hey targor, have you ever heard of wood? targor: targor: i'm.. familiar.

green: i feel like ive been so aggressive to him, i have no beef with targor. jorb: with TOBLIN, on the other hand,

leo: kepesk wants a carving of himself SO BAD jorb: they're not carvings, they're like.. 3d figures made of sticks. green: ohhh! that's even creepier. nyx: it's like that one movie. [pause] jorb: henry stickmin.

nyx: it looks like a pantry gone wrong. kepesk: is there ANYTHING of value in this place?! jorb: do you want to make an investigation check? leo: --all of my player instincts are yelling at me to start setting fire to this place. KEPESK NO DON'T EAT THE TOXIC SLUTCH leo: do we have cure poison on deck?? kepesk: do you guys want some? alidaar: [full-body recoils] nameless: [walks away] kepesk: ..i was just joking! :D ;;

courtyard has weird vines growing out of the well! thats probably an issue kepesk: i wonder if these vines would go well with food-sludge. nameless pokes the vines and they move. Hm! Bad! Time To Be Elsewhere

jorb: ..and you hear muffled talking. [dramatic music sting] leo: whoa, music change! jorb: the music didn't change, it just did that.

UH OH nyx alerted the guys on the floor above us! Problems!

jorb: if everybody could roll initiative for me! nyx: are we jumping through the hole in the ceiling?? leo: you bet your ass! targor rolled a 15 on his initiative! green: whoa! go off king! jorb: he's full of blood! leo: i think most people are.

jorb: [editing turn order so we can't see our opponents' rolls] you saw nothing. leo: i saw nothing but a 5 jorb: 5! green: 5! jorb: 4. green: 3. jorb: 2-- leo: [plays "E" with reverb on the soundboard] leo: did you know E is the 5th letter of the alphabet? :D

SOMEBODY THREW A DFUCKING JAVELIN AT US???? jorb: what would you like targor to do? green: targor! kill!

up against a human, an orc, and a half-orc! jorb: [stage whisper] they were all orcs in the original module, but i added some divesrsty hires! update: jorb misread the encounter so the javelin has been un-thrown and nameless has been un-mutilated

PEPPER WANTS M CHEEZITS SO SO SO SO SO BAD

KEPESK IS NOW RAGING OH SHIT KEPESK'S NEW RAGE IS COOL AS HELL he's got a cool stormcloud mask thing !! yoooo kepesk is WRECKING shit this RULES I AM ALSO NOW WRECKING SHIT. alidaar can now attack twice with his main weapon and once with his offhand! so he just. absolutely slaughters the ones kepesk didn't. also i have two breath weapons now! I CAN FUS RO DAH PEOPLE i should probably not fus ro dah people oh my god targor has a fucking. magic bloodsword. that's why they call him targor bloodsword ig hmm. nameless keeps using radiant damage now. i don't think that's what they usually do but i could be wrong. but also there has been no thorn whip silliness so far

jorb: i'm not even gonna make you roll, because he has 1 hp. [..] how do you want to do this? green: there's nothing that can go wrong with straight up cutting a guy in half anime style jorb: he goes "huh, that didn't do anything--" leo: he explodes. jorb: [explosion soundboard]

so anyway we just completely demolished that encounter in, like, one and a half rounds. goodbye fuckers

after a bathroom break: jorb: there, can you see it now?

leo: [SOUND] green: final boss: the go piss girl.

jorb: it is dark in here - do you have darkvision? green: i have swimming! [..] leo: do you want me to come over here? i have darkvision jorb: i retconned- i kept waffling on if you have darkvision or not.. leo: [checks character sheet] ah! i no longer have darkvision. (jorb gave alidaar nightvision before but the dragonborn update happened so now some of the variants have darkvision and alidaar's variant Does Not. ah well)

HOO BOY the dark room contains A Guy doing a. weird ritual? surrounded by weird twig creatures! that look kinda like the weird ones on the mantle! jorb: kepesk, you know what these are. [..] these are twigblights! green: YOO, ITS HENRY STICKMIN! leo: YOOOO green: YOOOO ITS HENRY STICKMIN LEADER OF THE TOPPAT CLAN leo: there's one for each route! :D

kepesk: hey do you think itd be funny if i went up and bit him? OH MY GOD SHE ROLLED A 20 STEALTH . OH MY GOD THATS A 27??? THAT'S A NAT 19 TO HIT. JESUS CHRIST kepesk: haha! you don't taste very good! [<- green described as "in his shittiest sonic voice"]

green: okay maybe i should roll for initiative

green: MAYBE I SHOULDN'T ROLL FOR INITIATIVE, DAMN,

horc enemy is SHOOTING LIGHTNING AT US???? WUH OH . OH GOD I HAVE BEEN KNOCKED DOWN TO 15 HP. AAUGH fun thing about the dragonborn rework: i can now replace one of my attacks with my breath weapon! i also now have Two Breath Weapons! and Two Attacks! and also an offhand attack! anyway i just Obliterated the stickmen except for one, then used my brand new fus ro dah repulsion breath to send the big bad flying into the wall and knock him prone. and then ran up and used my offhand to smack the final stickman into the ceiling. GET FUCKED LOL

nyx: im gonna walk up to alidaar and use.. uh… fuckin.. bitches! (nameless used cure wounds)

kepesk saunters up to The Guy and just. OH MY GOD GREEN ROLLED A CRIT? green: he's on the floor and i'm just [smacking noises] jorb: stabbity stab! leo: [plays "punch" sound effect A Lot]

HM. the guy backed up into a different corner and casted.. some sort of spell that didn't have a visible effect? time for nameless to roll arcana! jorb: in the words of himiko from danganronpa 3… "~it's magic~!" :D

alidaar: okay, im gonna just run straight at him and start going ham jorb: I NEVER ROLLED INITIATIVE FOR TARGOR!!!!! anyway alidaar just obliterated that guy with a dragonslayer crit. unfortunately it sounds like he was trying to do an evil last words monologue before getting beheaded. oops!

targor: sorry i'm la GREEN GOT DMCA'D ON TWITTER????? FOR VENOM GANGNAM STYLE??????????? IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FIGHT???????????????????????????

uh. targor: ..why are there a bunch of frozen sticks on the ground? alidaar, covered in blood: oh y'know. occupational hazard.

WOAGH ok now that we're out of battle, nameless has rolled again for arcana and got a nat20! HM. THE GUY APPEARS TO HAVE CAST SENDING. green: i guess we shouldn't… stick around! :D

alidaar found some dust of disappearance :o and now we're going upstairs! leo: where's.. i nearly called him torbjorn. We Keep Forgetting Targor

jorb: you find a hidden door! [zelda jingle] alidaar: wow! just like in the murder of sonic the hedgehog! green: YEAAA i hope there's a milf at the end of this! (jorb: falcon could be a milf.)

time to do another round of investigating/perceiving! leo: i'm going to perceive it. jorb: [some joke abt apollo justice's bracelet i forgot] green: YEA!! leo: [rolls a 8] jorb: you don't have a bracelet, so it doesn't work leo: i start crying. [..] green: perception! just like my hero apollo justice! [rolls a 16] IMFINE! jorb: you are So fine that you find [..] a wooden staff!

Time For Nameless To Want Shiny Item jorb: they way their pupils are dilating.. you don't think they're gonna give it back. kepesk: are you gonna eat it????? [..] nameless: i give alidaar puppydog eyes. leo: what do i roll to defend against puppydog eyes? jorb: make a wisdom saving throw. leo: 10! nyx: [rolls a nat20 persuasion] leo: AH NO jorb: you can't say no to the puppydog eyes!

leo: i should start throwing targor around like a sack of potatoes like i did to tobias, that'd be funny

A BUNCH OF LITTLE NASTY BOYS ARE HERE nyx rolled a crit initiative what the FUCK my man i rolled 13.12 on my initiative! acab The Groupchat Gets Distracted Talking About Subspace Emissary nyx is going ham with the staff while i google what subspace enemy jorb and green were comparing the nasty boys to (it was an armight) nyx is Struggling to roll a d8

alidaar stuck his head through the door and used his breath weapon to Obliterate the encounter! and also freeze nameless a little bit. sorry </3 leo: how confident are you in your ability to roll above a 13 [for dexterity] nyx: i have a +1 to dexterity but do what you will leo: are you prepared to face the consequences of my actions?

kepesk has found a bathroom green: sounds boring. jorb: you dont wanna take a bath? stinky! stinkyyyy! green: --just gotta go stinky mode. jorb: smely!!!

OH GODDAMNIT MY MIC STOPPED PICKING ME UP AT SOME POINT. BIG EFF minor pause to reread my notes from Two Years Ago from when we checked the loggers camp! my notes for that session were terrible leo: [reading out notes] "hm. wonder how donjon's doing." jorb: [laughing] BAD.

Delicious Sludge! (kepesk keeps trying to eat weird things. like soot.) leo: alidaar starts jogging around. like a white dad jorb: there is a wardrobe here. leo: [squeaky] JUST LIKE THE MURDER OF SONIC THE HEDGEHOG! CLOAK OF BILLOWIIIIIIIIING kepesk is All Over this locked chest awww yeah. AH FUCK HE GAVE HIS THIEVES TOOLS TO CARROWAY IN HIS BACKSTORY CAMPAIGN its ok nameless has a crowbar nameless rolled a nat1. kepesk Also struggles with the crowbar. alidaar walks in and starts fucking Wailing on it with his morningstar green: if this thing's a mimic this would be so messed up NAMELESS KICKED IT AND GOT A CRIT jorb: how does one get a crit on an unarmed strike?? the answer is "not very well". nameless then stubbed their toe YAHOO KEPESK CAME IN SWINGING WITH A 2HANDED WARHAMMER AND SMASHED THE CHEST god this was a mess jorb: it's a flat iron rod with a button on one end. leo: it's a Gun. OH MY GOD IT'S AN IMMOVABLE ROD you push the button and it just Freezes in place and cannot be moved! kepesk tries to put it in his pocket and forgot to unpress the button. i love kepesk green: imagine if you put it in your pocket and you buttpress the button

YEAAA ALIDAAR GETS THE CLOAK OF BILLOWING time to go back downstairs! alidaar steps on a staircase and it immediately collapses. whoops alidaar takes one last look at the weird figurines and considers taking his, but decides against it and walks out. also we may have started boar religion or something? meanwhile nameless grabs the tobias one and OOPS! COMBAT! THEYRE ALIVE! nyx: i use sacred flame. jorb: on which one? nyx: the.. binturong one. leo: nameless said no doubles.

alidaar is Really Sad about having to fight the twigblight of himself :( nyx wants to save the tobias one :( :( TWIGBIAS twigbias does 5 damage to nyx's discord and makes it so he can't hear anything kepesk sees what's happening and decides to stay out of it. targor: what's going on in there? [extended silence] AW NOOOO nameless tried to dispel magic but it didnt work.. WHY DOES NAMELESS HAVE A 25 POUND CHEST????? alidaar tries to shove twigbias in the chest. he drops the chest on his foot (nat1). good lord jorb: targor walks in and says "give me that" and grabs the chest off alidaar's toe.. [rolls a 3] ..and he drops it on HIS toe EVERYTHING HAS GONE SO FAR OFF THE RAILS Alidaar And Nameless Try To Shove Twigbias Into A Chest kepesk walks up. grabs twigbias. shoves him in. WE DID IT

OH MY GOD ONE OF THE BOARS IS A DUDE OH MY GOD. MORE INITIATIVE. WHAT IS HAPPENING. THE BOARS ARE MEN kepesk: you guys were eating with my horse this whole time?? okay so. earlier the boar religion comment was because when i was looking at the twigblight party jorb mentioned how we encountered a boar Ages ago and tobias used speak with animals to tell it to go away? and now we walk out of the manse and one of the boars goes YOU SHALL NOT PASS and turns into a dude. and now there are more dudes. and basically i think we have caused problems alidaar: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? [awkward silence] nyx: is he not gonna say anything? jorb: well, its not his turn, alidaar promptly charges at the pumpkin boar and slaps it clean in half okay cool the guy is a talos fanatic and is not gonna listen to me anyway. ah well it was worth a shot

one of the nettleblights(?) - oh yeah those guys are here too. big versions of the thornblights. one of them attacked zodiark so nameless blew it up talos, lord of boars, i walked away to get cake and when i came back it still wasnt my turn yet jorb: 30 to 40 feral hogs green: i thought [zodiark] would be really strong because he's a skeleton, but i was using mario logic, nameless: im gonna use sacred flame on.. the bitch! that is up my ass.

leo: hi im back whats up jorb: you're about to get owned! leo: oh. okay [thunderwave cave from pmd playing as alidaar gets electrocuted] LETS GIVE IT UP FOR ROUND 3 alidaar is covered in blood and he loves it. he's a fightboy! jorb: he was a gladiator! not willingly, but, leo: eh you have fun with it alidaar smacks a guy with a sword and then sticks his tongue out at him. >:P

alidaar is getting electrocuted again! leo: HOOH sorry there was a bug on my screen [right next to alidaar] jorb: you take 8 thunder damage irl [..] jorb: aw, i was trying to make it so he'd push you through the window leo: can i go through the window anyway? jorb: i mean, on your turn, if you want to,

GIANT'S MIIIIIGHT [super mushroom noise] alidaar supersizes, charges head-on at the final enemy (which is the one that tried to push me through a window), and uses his battleax to slap him straight into the sky and obliterate him on impact. alidaar: FUCK YOUUUUU leo: --and then he goes back to normal because combat ended. [checks skills] wait no this last one minute. and that was six seconds. um. jorb: you're large now! leo: alidaar stands there and goes "huh. i'm large now."

back to falcon's house! nameless brought back one of the boars for dinner :D nameless is having a normal experience with reality. what the fuck is happening. Kepesk And Alidaar Get One Boot Each targor is leaving! kepesk: aw, targor, but you're so based! nyx: don't speak those witch's words at him. I FORGOT KEPESK'S PRE-CAMPAIGN GROUP - IM GOING TO KILL JORB .RIGHT NOW kepesk's previous group was expies of the chaotix. targor was planned from the getgo to be mighty the armadillo. WAIT THE WILDERS ARE THE ONES THAT KILLED HIS PEOPLE. WE HAVE GASLIT HIM UNTIL THE VERY END green: i feel so bad, but yknow.. extenuating circumstances.. jorb: why does it keep spawning more namelesses? nyx: i shape back into binturong form. which hopefully there is only one of. AN INVISIBLE NAMELESS

jorb: do you guys wanna chat or are you just going to sleep? kepesk: so that was pretty fucked up, right? alidaar: yeah! kepesk: (at nameless) does it hurt when you go binturong mode, or? nameless: [shakes head] alidaar: sometimes they're a dog! --WAIT YOU WERE THERE FOR DOG WITH A SWORD kepesk: I WAS! :D

SOMETHING IS BREAKING INTO THE HUNTER'S LODGE AAAAAAAAAAA OH MY GOD. BIG BOAR BIG BOAR BIG BOAR

AAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

...and that's the end of the session! CLIFF HANGERRRRRRR

we still have twigbias btw.

[bakurapika]

when i was a very christian kid with undiagnosed ocd and a focus on religiosity, i knew there were things required for "christian" behavior that weren't actually spelled out in the bible (i'm still not convinced that the obscure verse about spilling his seed is against masturbation). these were usually handwaved as being behavior the world thinks are inappropriate, and we need to keep our reputation clean to reflect god or whatever. with the caveat that jesus hung out with tax collectors and prostitutes so be nice to them

anyway i remember thinking very hard about why swear words aren't allowed. the closest justification i ever heard was another verse about keeping your actions/words/thoughts pure but that was so vague and arbitrary?

i realized that swear words (fuck) and words substituted for swear words (fudge, freak, eff, frig, frick, etc) were from an ethical standpoint identical. like there's nothing inherent in the word fuck that isn't applicable to the word fudge (when used as a swear)

so you'd think the next logical step would be to realize swearing is ok, right? but at that age it was still a religious tenant to trust your parents teachers etc and I couldn't call them liars.

so therefore, i decided that all swear words were morally wrong, including fudge.

i still remember there was a song from victorious or something called "freak the freak out" and i was sooo appalled (although i think i assumed it wasn't "freak the fuck out" but "fuck the fuck out" lol)

BUT, i can't attribute all of this to analytical tween me. i remember some teachers (religious private school) would be even stricter about it. I used to say "What the...!" because comics etc said that. I got in trouble for it once because a lot of bad words could follow that sentence. even when it was ok to say "what the heck" so. what the heck.

and some teachers wouldn't let you say "oh my gosh" because that was basically the same as "oh my god." even i thought that was stupid, because none of us ever prayed to Gosh. wtf

and in retrospect as an adult, i still don't really get the enforcement of censorship around the word God. because i honestly believe that most people think that's god's given name. Like God came into existence and was like "I AM GOD" the same way god might have said "CALL ME ISHMAEL" . so the commandment to not take the name of the lord your god in vain is "don't swear with 'god' because it's really rude to me, Mr. God, esquire"

in christianity we learned about all the different names of god, some being titles, some being actual names, so we knew that wasn't god's only name. but the way it's capitalized everywhere like a name... lol........

after leaving the religion, i did start using "jesus" as a swear which defeats this, because if god was god's given name, i would use that as a swear too. i know that might seem like "ohh im still being controlled by christianity, it's still present in my life" but like yeah it is. so being able to use those words casually is still big dick energy to me

in judaism btw people do censor "g-d" sometimes - my temple never does that, but i do it online as "gd" sometimes if im writing something specifically As A Jew About Judaism because i don't want to sound two-faced to someone who DOES believe in censoring "g-d." but even then, i never heard it as it being God's Real Name. just that the Name is censored for its holiness, but then the word referring to the name gets censored and people use another term even vaguer, and so on over the millennia. i really do believe that in another hundred years, people might start censoring hashem for the same reason

[burntheworldtwice]

Live Thoughts on The Last Voyage of Demeter (Spoilers)

So I know very little of this movie outside the plot. I know it is much anticipated. Reviews are decent. But I didn't want some critic tainting my opinion you know? So I smoked a bowl, made a broke girls charcuterie, and am diving in.

-First of all who doesn't love a good Dracula tale?

-This is moody. Love that. Definitely recommend being in the dark by a fire if possible. its giving Victorian child and I personally am a victorian child so this is just swell

-I wish we still rode horses. Its a power move. Cop pulls up in a car ugh boring cop GALLOPS up on a horse. Mad respect.

-OMG its the guy who went after Oppenheimer for that shit senator. What's his name......David Dastmalchian. Im sorry hold the phone. DASTMALCHIAN is his dad Machiavelli. I'll be honest y'all im not a fan of his face. He looks weasly and honestly a bit threatening but that may just be the roles I've seen.

-Corey Hawkins out here showing LOOKS. Saving LIVES. CHILD LIVES. What. A. Gem.

-Whats in the box? WHATS in the box? WHATS IN THE BOOOOOX?!

-Why must children be so enthusiastic? So young and full of hope. Even on a fucking Russian ship in the 19th century.

-This cheese is really fucking good.

-Awe isn't this cute. "Crew in high spirits". Dancing around and shit. Did you know that many sailors were gay and that's why everyone thinks the Navy is a bunch of pussies. The more you know :)

-Is that Aaron Paul? LOL

-This really is pretty I must say. And the use of sound is just **Chefs kiss** I love when a movie employs sound as a means of expression.

-She needs a transfusion who's fucking blood is heh using is that his blood? The count is awake! yipeeee.

-I really need to watch some BTS for this. A lot of CGI and sets. Like did they do it Life of Pie style. I'll have to goole that..

-Ruh row. Bats outta the cage. NOT THE FUCKING DOG WHYYYYY KILL THE KID. Ugh why is it always the dog :((((

-HUUUCCKKKK

-Rabies? Men are so simple minded.

-Damn Drac is not looking good. Like worse than Voldy pre cauldron sesh.

-This kid is really taking on some emotional trauma. And little Woody Newman is just a cutie. He reminds of Gavauche (idk if that's spelled right) in Les Mis.

-"A boat without rats such is a thing against nature." That's a tattoo right thurr

-I am LOOOOVING the horror. The gore is so well done. Beautiful like Saving Private Ryan... If youre into blood..

-I could listen to Liam Cunningham read a Ikea instructions manual.

-I don't know if its intentional or not but I can't figure out the timeline of this movie. They mention a cove and it being over two weeks to England. But I can't tell how the time is passing. Could also be high but hey who knows.

-I know Rotten Tomatoes poopood this but I'm having fun and Draculas a dick lmao mimicking his victims. Damn bitch. Oh good strings. I love a good horror

-Why do we find it so hard to believe in things we can't understand? I realize the human brain seeks answers and solutions rather than more questions, but what if the answers and solutions are right there we just refuse to believe it?

-LMAO "I have a very important job for. you Toby. It's a lot to take on, can you handle it?" Hands over a spyglass. "Will you shine my shit for me dude?" I was talking to my wife about this but like I don't remember ever being this curious as a kid. Like demons on board? Nah Im staying in my room. Meanwhile this kid just wandering around the belly of ship.

-RUN TOBY RUN

-He got a knife. Tough kid here.

-Wow he's going full Jack Torrance with the door here. But who needs an axe when you have your face???

-NOT TOBY. Like I know everyone dies and all but damn. Also can Dracula apparate. Or is it like AS IF YOU COULD OUT RUN ME. Im a little behind on my Dracula lore. Oh he might live with these backwoods infusions.

-Okay I just haven't paid attention on the captains log. My B.

-Olgarin was bit... and infected? But Anne and Toby were fed on... and aren't? I'm going to have to think about that. Going up in flames was a fun drama though!

-I feel like maybe don't open the spooky box. And this man just rowing out to sea blindly believing in his faith. Did the Prince of Darkness fly out there? or. Yep. He a winged mother fucker.

-I like Dracula just whispering sweet nothings before he feeds.

-Are his burns not fucking horrifically painful? Im in pain looking at him. I know burns and that shit sucks for forever.

-Can Dracula manipulate the weather? I feel like I really need to brush up on my Dracula now. Foggy as hell. Dracula knew yawls plan come on.

-Women always out here making the greatest sacrifices.

-Why is Dracula synonymous with the devil? I like to think of Dracula like Jason Segal in Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

-THe smothering with the wings was like kinda dope. Won't lie.

-I'm so glad they're trauma bonded now.

-I think I would of made a great light house keeper. Chill up in the rain by a fire. Watch the ships. Ambient lighting. My kinda gig to be frank.

-That ending sunrise. Wow. Almost poetic.

-NONONONONOOOO please tell me there's not going to be a sequel. Please dear god just let it end.

-Fuck.