#still at the very least i think that fanaticism is exciting

[darksvster]

okay i was asked to post this on tumblr since i posted a mini essay about it on twitter so here it is, i added some more examples and elaborated on my points that i couldn't over twitter.

so, when i first watched episode 207 i thought it was weird how religious rhaenyra was, until ryan condal mentioned the cult imagery. now i think instead of the show making her paranoid and neurotic in the final arc, they're going to make her more of a cult leader figure.

i think rather than leaning into her paranoia and the idea of a "hysterical paranoid mother" after she loses her sons, they're going to have her drink her own kool-aid more and more. it's interesting that this is what emma and ryan discuss in this scene with the dragonseeds in the inside the episode.

i think it's interesting that instead of the show positioning her like "a leader amongst the smallfolk," this episode positions her in a darker light, like someone who is manipulating the people there for her own goals. and when vermithor turns on the bastards, she doesn't let them run, the guards keep them barricaded in.

she is literally enraptured by the fire in these scenes. now that she knows it's possible for others to claim the dragons, she has been vindicated and wants more. this is not a merciful queen who is reaching out a hand to the smallfolk, she's throwing stuff at the wall and seeing what sticks. after all, these are just smallfolk. bastards with no honor. ryan literally describes the scene as a ritual sacrifice.

and who do you conduct sacrifice for? the gods. but in this case, the gods the seven or the old gods, they aren't even just dragons, but the fact that rhaenyra sees herself in the dragons. she says as much in the literal pilot of the episode when viserys asks her what she sees when she looks at the dragons. she understands the power they wield.

she knows that their power lies in the dragons. but she doesn't reflect viserys' belief that they are a power that man never shouldn't have trifled with. she leans into the chaos and fire and blood of the dragons, we see that in the sowing, clearly.

rhaenyra inherited the worst of both viserys and daemon and that will lead to her madness. she's got viserys' strong belief in prophecy (one now exacerbated by her desperation).

we see that faith in the prophecy falter but never truly fade. rhaenyra has always taken is seriously, to the point that everything she's done this season is in response to the prophecy. her pacifism isn't just due to avoiding bloodshed. she makes it clear to jace that before plunging the realm into war she had to know there was no other option because of the burden of the prophecy.

even though daemon has never believed in prophecy or superstition. she's also got daemon's desire and lust for power and strength (something she confessed wanting specifically because daemon is a man when she was speaking to mysaria).

it's a great deconstruction of the chosen one archetype to have her drink this koolaid and believe herself the chosen one only to have that belief corrupt her. emma d'arcy speaks on this in their interview with gq when discussing rhaenyra's growing fanaticism.

I think something that has been happening for Rhaenyra throughout the series is a growing religious fanaticism. After her father’s death, there is this desire to be connected to him in some way. And losing him happens at the same moment as having her throne usurped. And so that thing that would have been such a direct connection to him is also stolen. So in lieu of that, there’s that searching [through] the histories. I think imagining that at some point her name will feature next to her father’s is in some way comforting, and I find it very moving to see a person who in grief has committed themselves to the history books. As the series goes on, I think we see her more and more invested in her faith. She returns to the old gods. I think all of these actions are in search of her right; the thing that she thought she had received from her father, she is looking for evidence again and again. And part of it, I’m sure, is a choice. I think sometimes in times of loss, we can choose the anchors that we are going to cling to, and her faith becomes one. But I think there’s a narcissism in it. I think her connection with her religion is about wanting to reinforce a divine right. And I think, looking at [episode] seven when this miracle takes place, and this man claims Seasmoke, I think she feels that it’s a gift from the gods. I think it’s what allows her to ride roughshod over Jace’s very legitimate concerns about his own status. I think it’s what allows her to stage a massacre, essentially. She feels that she is riding on the wings of her faith. But her faith, and her belief that she is the ruler that is supposed to sit on that throne, are completely enmeshed.

They continue:

What is going through Rhaenyra’s mind as she watches the Targaryen bastards be devoured and torched alive? I think she feels like a god. I think she feels super proud. I mean, I think it’s uncomfortable. I think there’s something, actually, also that ties into the religiosity — even being back in proximity to dragons, to that fire, is to somehow be living her birthright. To be soaking up the divine, somehow. And do you think that she feels as though the decision to essentially stage a massacre, as you say, is vindicated when the two new bastard dragonriders are found? Totally. Without a shadow of a doubt. I mean, it’s horrendous, but I think she is now this sort of emboldened fanatic, [and] I think she’s experiencing events within a far bigger timeline. She’s imagining the history books. And you know, what’s happening right in front of her is awful. But in 300-400 years, what will be documented is possibly a very short war; a huge civil war that was averted, that this was the first ruling queen, that this ruling Targaryen queen expanded the Targaryen’s ability to have dragons within their armoury.

emma's read on this supports what we see on screen when it comes to rhaenyra's newly found zealousness. the religious aspect could lead her to do things that might have been seen as atrocities by her. it could lead to mysaria abandoning her, her riders turning on her, and we would see more of that targ madness.

gods are mentioned several times in 207. first by addam, who says that the gods are calling him to greater things. rhaenyra has never been the extremely religious sort but, in this scene, she looks like she's had a moment of clarity.

importantly, rhaenyra doesn't know who addam's father is, or hugh's or ulf's. this is simply the first time in history that a non-targaryen (at least in her eyes) has claimed dragons. it's something that she believed impossible. it can feel like destiny to the desperate and she's been extremely desperate after losing daemon, rhaenys, and continuous loss after loss with no hope of recourse.

mysaria says that rhaenyra is lucky addam chose to bend the knee to her rather than himself. and her reply is that it is ordained. this religious vocabulary being used is intentional!

her complaint against the lowborn is that there is an ancient fealty from highborn houses. she essentially implies that bastards do not have honor. mysaria corrects her by pointing out that her legitimate half-brothers aegon and aemond aren't exactly delights, but that doesn't make rhaenyra see the light. instead she recognizes that there's fealty to be had from lowborn people too. the order of things have changed, as mysaria says, so she realizes that she can lift up people who have been historically stepped on and give power to the powerless, calling them her army of bastards.

but when jace calls this out, predicting that someone (perhaps hugh?) could lay claim to her throne if she legitimizes these bastards if not by name then by offering them the power of gods. obviously, jace's concern is real, his entire legitimacy lies on both viserys' past support and also the fact that he has a dragon of his own. if any bastard can claim one, what does that make him? but rhaenyra's response isn't logical. she believes that the throne is part of her and her son's destiny. their right.

for years, on some level, rhaenyra has believed that even though people have insulted her sons, they are full-blooded targaryens. she says herself that if she was a man she could father a dozen bastards, and as heir, she gives birth to three without hesitation. these aren't strongs or velaryons to her, her sons are targaryens.

but even when jace essentially begs his mother not to give commoners dragons, bringing up her past sins and pointing out his own struggle knowing that he's harwin strong's son, her response is somewhat cold. she says now that the gods have laid this in front of her and she has no choice.

the dragonkeepers call what she's doing blasphemy and note that it isn't the gods who brought the dragonseeds to her, but she herself has done that.

Dragonkeeper Elder: This is an abomination. You sent an Andal before a dragon. The judgment was delivered. Now you would send more. Rhaenyra: Ser Steffon Darklyn was the blood of the dragon. Dragonkeeper Elder: It was a blasphemy. He was no dragonlord. Neither are these. Rhaenyra: And yet the gods have set them before us. Dragonkeeper Elder: You have set them before yourself! The dragons are sacred; they are the last magic of Old Valyria in this sad world. They are not pieces on a board for the games of men. Our order will take no part in this.

to the dragonkeepers, she's using these bastards and dragons like chess pieces in her war. but to rhaenyra, who has seen addam claim seasmoke, it seems like this is a divine right — a sign from the gods. and that's proven again when hugh claims vermithor.

addam claiming seasmoke changed everything for her. she talks about claiming a dragon as a transformation, and, in many ways, this claiming has transformed her as well. she tells the dragonseeds that their purpose now is the end the hardships of war.

she paints a lovely image promising them peace at the end, but it is a wholly false image. with vermithor and silverwing now in her arsenal, there will be more suffering, more bloodshed. there are no promises of peace now that the war has been given to the dragons, not until everyone is dead. and if that happens, well, the gods willed it, not her.

in this moment, when she says "may the gods bless you" i have to wonder, is she talking about the seven? or the valyrian gods? or the dragons? i don't think she's fully in deep, but i can see the set up for a much darker storyline for rhaenyra rather than the book plot. every time her beliefs are proven or something impossible happens, that could reinforce her zealousness.

i have always said that rhaenyra is a combination of viserys and daemon, and i think that still. i think that she has both of their madnesses within her. as she loses more, the only thing she'll have to hold onto is that prophecy and the divine right she believes in now.

even this scene from the finale promo has over-the-top messiah, chosen apostles, last supper vibes. her saying "i have entrusted you with a power only few have known" as if she wasn't desperate for them and had no say in who the dragons chose. i love it!

honestly i'm totally here for it, i think it's an exciting direction to take. i don't think rhaenyra was always like this, she might have had the proclivity for it growing up under viserys' wing, but it's the war that's pushed her to this point. desperate people will turn to things like faith in order to guide them when the real world disappoints. i think it's a far more nuanced look at a sort of "madness".

and i'm here for the conflict that will happen with daemon as a result. i think daemon will be in direct opposition to this. he's NOT the type to follow cult leaders. this will be their conflict on top of the existing power struggles. this, to me, is far more interesting of a struggle as opposed to nettles causing romantic tension. this show has a tendency to lean away from harmful stereotypes about women. pitting woman against woman is one of them, as is the hysterical woman.

daemon dying for her could be a form of devotion, or perhaps even a command from a delusional rhaenyra who believes he will survive it. daemon could end up drinking the kool-aid too after the devastations of the war or simply realize that this is the last thing he can offer to someone who is too far gone to be saved.

THIS IS THE FIRE I WANT FOR RHAENYRA. this is the mad queen setup that we could have had! targ exceptionalism and completely going off the deep end as a way of coping with an unwinnable conflict. without viserys, without rhaenys, no one is there to temper the fire within her.

[the-writer-is-always-write]

Thoughts on Dune: Part Two

General Impression: I adored this movie from start to finish. Having just rewatched Part One a week ago, it felt like a seamless transition hopping back into the story. The score, the set design, the costumes, all of it was impeccable.

Chani: her character arc was obviously the biggest deviation from the book, and although I felt a lot of surprise watching it unfold, I think some reflection has left me alright with it. I've admittedly only read Dune and Dune: Messiah, but both books are clearly meant to illustrate the dangers of religious fanaticism and the ways that religion and prophecy can be manipulated and utilized as a tool for oppression. While these ideas can (hopefully) be discerned fairly clearly by the reader, I think it makes sense to have an audible voice of dissent in a film adaptation, particularly from someone among the Fremen. The only concern I have is wondering how Denis will handle Dune: Messiah, since the plot sort of hinges on Paul and Chani being together. But I guess that's a worry for later.

MY BOY MUAD'DIB: Timothee is just so utterly perfect for this role, I genuinely could not imagine anyone else doing it with such grace and gravitas. Seeing the gradual spiral of innocent teenager to reluctant leader to religious icon was heart-wrenching. Paul has honestly become one of my favorite fictional characters because his story is so complex and layered with tragedy. He's simultaneously a product of manipulation and coercion, and an angry young man seeking revenge against those who have hurt him. He lacks agency in many ways, yet he still makes decisions that lead to so much destruction. He tries so so hard to avoid the holy war, but it becomes an inevitability he can't escape. Reading Dune: Messiah for the first time a few weeks ago really helped me to understand how the prophecy controlled him as much as he used it to control others. I could literally give a ted talk on this, and how it's such a fascinating take on the messiah figure trope.

Jessica: I saw an article recently where I think Denis called Jessica "the puppetmaster," and I think that's very fitting for her depiction in this movie. I like how it openly shows the manipulation tactics of the Bene Gesserit, particularly how they prey upon the "vulnerable" Fremen first. Rebecca did a fantastic job giving the creep factor.

Feyd-Rautha: I still don't know why Denis had a vendetta against Harkonnen eyebrows, but I guess it was cool? I LOVED the black and white lighting on Giedi Prime, and the arena scene was SO. GOOD. Denis really went for it. Feyd's accent caught me off guard a few times, but overall I think the ruthless and brutal nature of the character really shined through. He's the antithesis to Paul, and I think Denis captured that theme well enough.

I thought all the other characters were well done too. Stilgar was maybe a touch too comic relief-y at times, but nothing catastrophic. Gurney was great, but I would have liked at least one more baliset scene :(

Things we missed: I'm a little bummed we didn't get Harah. I know the movie was already pretty stuffed, but I honestly thought they could have used the actress that played Chani's friend (I can't remember if they ever mention her name). Even if the idea of Paul "acquiring" her was a little icky, they could have done something else with her character at least. I was also sad they didn't do the full funeral scene with Jamis, but oh well. I think the greater omission was Thufir Hawat, but again I can see why they chose to cut him. I just think the dynamic between the Baron and Feyd-Rautha had a lot more friction in the book, mostly because of Thufir conspiring them both against each other.

I'm honestly not upset we didn't get to see freaky-toddler Alia. I was excited for Anya though!

Overall, I really loved this film. No adaptation can get every detail perfect, but I can see the ways that Denis and the actors adored this story and wanted to tell it in a powerful way. I thought the themes stayed true to the book, and I'm really hopeful we get Part Three!

AND THE WORMS. THE WORMS WERE GREAT. LONG LIVE THE WORMS.

[nenithil]

A detail in smartpass about Hanji and Erwin

Although there is no direct interaction between Erwin and Hanji, I found it interesting

Late Night Stories Vol. 07 Nifa “A Story of a Misunderstanding”：

https://snk-smartpass.tumblr.com/post/187937524480/late-night-stories-vol-07-nifa-a-story-of-a

The next day, Erwin spoke to Nifa as he wore a cheerful expression on his face.

“Nifa. Reading that letter yesterday made me glad to be the Commander.”

“Excuse me?”

“‘Seeing how youthful and active you always are gives me energy! Please solve the mysteries of the world!’ …That’s what it said. It made me feel determined all over again.”

“Oh.”

The letter had been addressed to Hange. While Nifa had broken out in a cold sweat, it was also rare to see the Commander in such a good mood. Was it the “youthful” part that made him happy?

This is a letter of praise from a citizen to Hanji, but Erwin made a mistake and felt very happy and excited

(——It reminds me of what I have always thought. Erwin admires Hanji's personality and he kind of wished that he could be like Hanji at least in the eyes of others)

“By the way, that would mean…Hange got a letter addressed to either the Commander or the Captain.”

“Oh, Hange would happily accept any compliment. They’re so positive that they could be called 'humanity’s strongest’ and take it as honest praise.”

“I knew it had gone to the wrong person, you know.”

“What?” Hange’s subordinates said as their eyes opened wide. Hange looked up from the papers and put their glasses back on.

“Why wouldn’t I be happy to know that my corpsmates are being praised by citizens?”

“So you do have a human heart, Hange…”

(——Hanji also received a wrong thank-you letter, but she easily saw that it was sent wrong. As always, it shows her calmness and "instant judgment."

“So you do have a human heart, Hange…”——This must be mock of Moblit. Why are his words always so funny Lmao)

This reminds me of a scene in the manga: Erwin was very excited when the people cheered the Survey Corps

——This is the first time that the Survey Corps has been popular.

The sentence sounds indifferent but actually very sad. For more than ten years, Erwin has been fighting in Survey Corps and watched his comrades sacrifice everything for mankind, but the citizens have never given them recognition and respect

Maybe they once praised Erwin as Squad Leader, but he knew that they just used him to satirize the Commander Keith. And once he came back from his defeat in the battle, the ridicules and questions waiting for him were also harsh

He said that he "swindled my comrade sand swindled himself" that they fought for the sake of mankind, but when citizens themselves are so harsh, how can such "swindle" be valid for a long time? His blood has long been colder, but he will still feel childish excitement in such a scene

From the surprised expressions of levihan and other veteran, I think that maybe no veteran takes these seriously like him

It's particularly interesting that the cheers of citizens are mainly for Levi and Hanji. They established a good relationship with the people during the coup, which can also be said that they have established the legitimacy of the new government. However, the two were very calm in the cheers of the people and were still murmuring:

Levi: They talked so self-willedly.

They are well aware that they cheered because they did not understand the situation and were too optimistic influenced by incomplete information . This kind of hero worship has nothing to do with themselves. Just as Levi was indifferent to the cheers of youngsters before.

The only veteran who was genuinely excited was Erwin. He who has the power to stir up fanaticism in others is also more likely to get into play and excitement than others. He is really childish in this respect

Of course, Hanji also wants recognition. She is lack of self-confident and almost always lonely, but maybe she needs to be recognized by someone who understand her and has similar ideas to her, such as journalist. This make her feel "supported". It's cute that she even blushed

——As my friend said, Erwin needs more trust and praise, while Hanji cares more about understanding and support.

Anyway, I think Commander Hanji has been trusted and respected very much by the citizens over the past five years. Although it's sorry to watch the panels of her being pressed by the public, but their ways of questioning I think are relatively mild

Fregel: I understand that Hanji San's position is hard. So please look at me in the eyes and say, just trust me.

——They wouldn't have said such words if they hadn't fully trusted her honesty

Hanji: Everything we do is for people of Eldia's sake

Hanji looked very tired, but the people who listened to her did not continue to make noise

Comparing the people outside the office of President Zackley... Ehhhh..

This is the result of Hanji's sincerity and integrity.

She always tried to stand on the citizen's position and convey their ideas and needs to the government even after the death of President Zackley

Pity that they would never have a chance to deeply exchange their doubts and feelings after.

[littlesniggy]

Savior

Anon: IT‘S OPEN AGAIN! 🎉 im the Anon who asked for the Sakazuki request at the 100 followers event. Would you do a scenario where he takes female readers virginity ? I just can’t imagine him being the best choice for it but maybe you have a different take on it! Love your work so much and thank you!!! 💖

Sakazuki taking reader‘s virginity Anon here! I’d say maybe reader is not in a relationship with him but if you can’t come up with a scenario where this could be the case then can also be in a relationship. It’s up to you! Thank you so much !

Well...this is rather long and I apologize. I couldn't come up with a scenario where he would take reader's virginity without them being in a relationship except for this one. It has a lot of story in the beginning so feel free to skip to the dirty part if it's too long....anyways, I hope you like it and let me know!

Warning: 18+, nsfw, masturbation, superior x subordinate

Parining: Sakazuki x female reader

Word count: 4.1k

He had saved you when you were a child; kidnapped by pirates and to be sold off to god knows where. He, a Vice Admiral at the time, and his men caught the pirates off guard like a sudden storm, the outlaws not having anywhere to run. You watched him from afar, barking orders at his men and not paying you any attention. He scared you more than the pirates did, with his cold eyes and his unapproachable aura.

You joined the marines when you were old enough, wanting to stop piracy and the suffering pirates caused to innocent citizens. Oddly enough, Sakazuki became like a role model to you in his consequent behavior even though you had no interactions whatsoever. It was also no surprise to you when he was promoted to be an admiral. You admired him, wanting to climb the ranks like him and in the process became somewhat ruthless in your pursuit of pirates as well though not to the extend he was.

He came to the base you were stationed at, ordered by Sengoku to help catch the rising numbers of pirates sighted in this area. Apparently, he was not amused about it, thinking all of you had done a terrible job of letting this happen. First thing he did was give an angry speech to everyone, scolding you for the lack of effort in catching the pirates. The Vice Admiral’s got an even bigger scolding; everyone leaving the meeting room smaller than before.

You were called into his office a couple of days later. One of your superiors had recommended you to become Sakazuki’s assistant for the time he was here, not wanting to do it himself. You felt excited to be even thought of, wanting to see the admiral in action. So, you knocked on his door, waiting for him to call you in.

“Hello, Sir. I’m-“

“You’re late, marine.” His voice was harsh and annoyed, his eyes boring into yours, making you swallow. To say he was intimidating would’ve been an understatement – he was terrifying! You were taken back to more than ten years ago when you first saw him. You felt like a small child that did something wrong and was to be scolded by their parent.

“Sit down.” He ordered you, gesturing to the empty chair in front of the desk. You nodded, hurrying over and sitting down, not wanting to let him wait any longer. Your enthusiasm had dropped significantly; you weren’t even able to look him in the face, your hands fidgeting in your lap. You felt his eyes mustering you in irritation and it made you even more uncomfortable.

“I’ve heard you were the right one for the job but when I look at you I’m wondering what kind of marines work here when you’re the best they can offer as an assistant.” His words stabbed you like a knife in the heart. But he was right? The moment you entered the room you felt so nervous, not even a kid would take you seriously. Taking all your courage, you looked up and right at his face, feeling the need to look away immediately but pushing this urge away.

“Don’t you have anything to say, marine?” he got more irritated by your silence and you could understand; you were not making a good impression on him. “I’m sorry I was late, Sir. It won’t happen again.” You finally managed to say, trying to sound more confident than you actually felt. “That’s what to be expected of a marine. I don’t need any half-assed assistant who I can’t even rely on being punctual. Next time this happens you’ll be punished.” He said, meaning every word he said. You swallowed again, nodding at him. “Understood, Sir.”

From then on you spent a lot of time together. You were mostly ordered to run from A to B to collect reports or documents for him and being yelled at when you did the smallest mistakes. The first time you boarded a ship with Sakazuki, however, was the most exciting moment in your life so far. Over the last three weeks you’ve been his assistant for you have gotten used to him and somewhat could anticipate which mood he was in (most of the time not in a good one). Your admiration for him never really wavered; just the respect you had for this man grew even more.

“Y/n, is everything ready for departure?” he asked, standing at the bow of the marine ship, arms crossed in front of his chest. “Yes, Sir. Everything is set and we will leave any moment.” You informed him. Akainu simply nodded, turning around and walking towards a Vice Admiral, talking to him. While he was gone you were following your own train of thought. You never told him that he was the one who saved you and you doubted he actually remembered. You wouldn’t even know how to address it, never finding the right moment. You also doubted he actually cared enough to listen to what you had to tell him so you made the decision to not mention it at all. At least at the moment.

“The admiral wants the reports from today. Bring them to him.” Your Vice Admiral told you, handing you the reports his subordinates had written over the day. You nodded, making your way over to Sakazuki’s office. Cold wind blew inside the small room when you entered, closing the door behind you.

“Do you have the reports, Y/n?” he asked, not looking up from his desk. “Yes, Sir. They’re all here.” You replied, handing them over to your boss. He nodded, not acknowledging your presence any further. You were about to leave when his deep voice caught you off guard. “Have I told you to leave?” he asked, still not looking up. You were confused, stopping in your tracks. “No, Sir.”

“I want you to take a look at this an tell me if you find anything suspicious.” He said, holding a piece of paper up. You nodded, still confused but took it and sat on the other chair, starting to read. You felt his eyes on you, watching you while you read and it made you feel nervous. It was hard for you to concentrate, your eyes looking up at him from time to time, needing to find where you had left before and taking unnecessarily long. Of course, he noticed.

“Is there a reason why you stop reading all the time?” he wanted to know, a scowl on his face. “N-no, Sir. It’s just difficult to concentrate.” You mumbled, pressing your lips shut after realizing you said it out loud. The admiral raised an eyebrow. “And why is that?” he insisted. You shook your head, trying to let the topic drop. “It’s nothing, Sir.”

“I want to know why my assistant is getting distracted when I gave her an order. It must be something very important when it takes up your mind this much.” He narrowed his eyes and you knew you had to tell him something believable. But coming up with a lie was rather difficult with his intense stare so your only option was the truth. “I-it’s just a little distracting when you….look at me like this. It makes me feel nervous.” You admitted.

Sakazuki was silent for a moment, making the whole situation even more unnerving for you. Then he huffed, leaning back in his chair. You looked up at him again, his stare now even more intense than before and with a blush you lowered your gaze again. “If I make you nervous I suggest you get used to it.” He just said. “I guess so, Sir.” You mumbled, trying so hard to focus on the sheet in front of you.

Out of the corner of your eyes you saw him get up from his chair and walk around the small room, waiting for you to finish reading. You felt his presence behind you, your body tensing unconsciously. You imagined his eyes wandering over you back up to your neck, creating small goosebumps on your skin. You wondered what he was thinking about. Your mind all of a sudden went crazy, the most bizarre scenarios played in your head and you lost your focus completely.

Your face as beet red at the thought of him possibly considering you attractive, him thinking about seducing you, him thinking about touching you – all those thoughts and you didn’t know if they were actually true. Your mind was playing tricks on you; the time you’ve spent together apparently had you develop feelings towards this man behind you and you caught yourself more often than not imagining being intimate with him.

There was this one time where you accidentally saw him shirtless in his office, after he had spilled something on his shirt (he denied it of course) and was changing into a new one. That night you had your first wet dream about him but you tried to play it down, telling yourself it was just the close proximity you two were sharing that naturally made you feel sexually attracted to him. But it never stopped. Soon, you actively fanaticized about him and you felt ashamed about it.

“Are you done, Y/n?” he brought you back to reality and you slowly shook your head no. “I-I’m sorry, Sir. I don’t seem to be able to concentrate. I think I might be too tired.” You said, hoping he believed you. You didn’t dare to turn around and look at him but you put the paper down on the desk in front of you, showing him that you were being honest. Akainu huffed. You heard footsteps coming closer to you until you saw his shoes next to your chair.

You looked up at him unsettled, anticipating his scolding.

“You seem awfully tense around me the for the past week. Is there something you need to tell me? If not, I suggest you get over it and take your job seriously. I don’t need someone who gets distracted so easily.” You couldn’t possibly tell him that you were thinking about him being naked and between your legs!

“I just wanted to say how thankful I am for getting this opportunity serving under you, Sir.” God! This sounded wrong! What if he thinks I want to have sex with him? Well, technically I do but he mustn’t know!

Sakazuki didn’t know what was going on in your head but just nodded. You were sure he didn’t believe you but also knew you wouldn’t tell him. So, he left it at that. “If you can’t do a better job tomorrow, I will replace you.”

You were ordered to stay on the ship today for whatever reason. The admiral was probably still not pleased with your performance yesterday that he wanted to punish you for it since he kind of knew how much you wanted to fight. Besides you there were a handful of other marines still on the ship but it was quiet over all. You had the order to organize the various reports in his office.

When you couldn’t find one you were sure you had seen yesterday you looked for it in his entire office. When you still couldn’t find it you thought that he might’ve taken it with him last night to his room. You were not allowed to enter his room but maybe this was an exception? Plus, he wasn’t here yet and it probably wouldn’t take long. But when it was gone, he would know that someone was in his office. But maybe he wouldn’t be too mad…

Before you knew it you had opened his door (surprisingly it wasn’t locked) and stepped inside his room. It was dark and you needed to turn on the lamp. The dim light barely illuminated the room but you could see enough to find your way around. On the nightstand you saw them – the five missing reports. You hurried over and picked them up, you were almost out the door when a thought hit you. You stopped dead in your tracks and turned around, looking at his neatly made bed. It was huge.

You slowly walked back, stopping in front of it and contemplating with yourself. You should just leave and never come back here! But you really wanted to lay down in his bed – just once – and see how he was sleeping. Without thinking twice you laid down on his big bed on your stomach and pressed your face into his pillow, closing your eyes. It smelled like him; he had this distinct smell of musk and a hint of cologne that made your knees go weak every time you were close to him.

Unconsciously, you let your hand wander down and between your legs, pushing pat the restraints of your uniform pants and panties. You felt your sex getting wet the more you smelled the pillow, your finger starting to rub against your folds, spreading your slick on your cunt. You moaned into the pillow, imagining it being his hand stoking you, his weight pressing down on you and his hot breath tickling your neck.

Your fingers entered your core, moving in and out, imagining his thick dick taking you as he pressed your head into the pillow. Another moan, this time a little louder, when you entered a second finger, spreading them inside of you. You’ve never had sex but you liked to imagine what it would feel like. His dick going deeper and deeper, taking your virginity as he praised you how good you were making him feel.

You turned on your back, pulling down your pants, spreading your legs, and taking the pillow from under your head, pressing it to your face with one hand while the other one entered your core again, thrusting inside of you. Your mind was in a frenzy, now imagining how he would take you like this, his cold eyes looking down at you with this cold gaze. You shivered, your fingers thrusting in and out faster.

“What do you think you’re doing there, Y/n?” You stopped dead in your tracks, your body tensing at the sound of his voice. Why was he back yet? He wasn’t supposed to be back for at least another hour! You were frozen in place, not being able to move, not wanting to pull the pillow aside and look at the man that was standing in the room, watching you fuck yourself on your fingers in his bed.

“I asked you a question.” You could hear his footsteps coming closer and soon after the pillow on your face was being lifted, making you look at your superior. “Are you having fun?” he asked, his harsh eyes staring right at you. He’s gonna kill me! Your mind screamed. A huge lump had formed inside your throat, making it impossible for you to answer. He let the pillow fall next to you on the bed, his eyes not leaving your face.

“If you need to masturbate this badly, why don’t you do it in your own bed, Y/n?” You couldn’t reply, shock was written all over your face. His gaze now wandered down your body to where your fingers were still buried in your went cunt. You didn’t know what he was thinking, his face this unreadable mask. He didn’t sound mad but he didn’t sound pleased either. But maybe this was a good sign.

“Don’t you have to say anything to your defense? Nothing like ‘Oh, my bed is broken so I used yours, Sir’?” Your face turned red and you slowly pulled your fingers out, his eyes following the motion. “I…..” you started but didn’t know what to say. “I should throw you out just like this, making everybody see what you’ve been doing in here.” He mused.

“P-please, don’t do this.” You found your voice, horrified at the possibility of him going through with this thought. “And why shouldn’t I?”

“I-it was a mistake, Sir! I was just….I wasn’t thinking!” Akainu huffed and amusement, his eyes finding yours again. “Is that so. What made you think it was acceptable to masturbate in your superior’s bed? Does it give you some kind of kick?” You shook your head and were about to pull your pants up but his next words stopped you.

“Were you thinking about me while you fucked yourself on your fingers?” mortified, you looked at him. “Were you thinking about how it was me fucking you?” you didn’t know what to say, too horrified to answer. “What makes you think you could handle me, Y/n?” still, no answer.

Sakazuki tilted his head to the side, watching you in slight amusement. “Take the rest of your clothes off.” His order caught you off guard. “S-Sir?”

“Did you hear me stutter? I said, take the rest of your clothes off.” His tone was harsher, leaving no room to argue.

With shaky hands you sat up and unbuttoned your uniform blouse, revealing your bra which followed soon after. You weren’t sure what he wanted to do; maybe he would throw you out like this, completely naked and humiliated. But you weren’t prepared for what came next. The admiral unbuttoned his shirt as well, revealing his muscular chest and more of his tattoo. Your eyes grew wide in disbelief. What was going on.

“I take it if I fuck you now you’ll become more focused on your tasks again, right?” he asked while opening his pants, pulling out his still soft member. You were afraid of your eyes popping out at the sight, inching away from him by instinct. He kneeled down on the mattress, towering over you.

Your heart was hammering in your chest when he positioned himself between your legs, pulling you closer to him. His hand started stroking himself. You watched in amazement as his dick turned harder and harder until it laid heavy in his hand. “Let’s get it done and over with, shall we?” he made it sound like a transaction at a crowded supermarket where he just wanted to leave as soon as possible.

“W-wait! I…You…you shouldn’t…” but he pressed a hand over your mouth, shutting you up. “What I should and shouldn’t do is none of your concern.” He positioned himself at your wet entrance, sliding his dick over your folds, making you mewl in response. He took his hand away and put it right next to your head, kneeling over you completely. When he was about to enter you, you inched away, looking at him scared.

“P-please….be gentle….” You pressed out, realizing that his dick was way bigger than you had imagined. It would hurt, you were sure of it. Akainu pulled you closer again; you could feel his thick mushroom head at your entrance again. “Please…! I….I’ve never had….I’ve never done it before…” you stuttered, averting your eyes. The admiral’s eyes narrowed in response, looking your body up and down again.

He didn’t answer, you only felt his weight press against your entrance, his dick slowly but surely sliding inside your body. Your whole body tensed up, pain filling your core as he pushed further and further. You grabbed his arm next to your head with you hand, clawing at his skin in discomfort. “S-Sir! Please…give me some time!” you pleaded, eyes tightly shut.

You could hear his slightly uneven breathing and felt his big member slowly fill your up. The stretch was more than uncomfortable and your body tried to move away from him with every new inch he added. You felt a hand come up to your breasts, playing with them and squeezing them. You opened your eyes a little, looking up at his stern face. You looked down, seeing your hips raised to meet his dick, ass hanging in the air. You saw his dick not even buried half inside of you and it made your heart skip a beat in fear. This was never going to fit completely!

He pulled out a little before moving back in. “Ungh!” you gasped, your grip on his arm tightening at the feeling. He repeated the movement, each time pushing in a little further. His hand moved down from your breast and between your legs, finding your clit and circling it lazily with his thumb. You legs twitched at the feeling and you wanted to close your legs but he wouldn’t let you; his hips were in your way so you had to let him do.

“S-sir…..this feels kind of good…” you panted, trying to concentrate on his thumb on your clit. “Just because it’s your first time. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be this kind.” His words made your stomach tingle inside. So, he at least cared a little about you. Your legs slowly wrapped around his hips as good as possible and you pulled him a little closer, looking him in the eyes while you did it.

Sakazuki grinned a little, starting to pick up his pace. His thrusts became deeper and deeper, filling you out more and more. His thumb pressed down in your clit, adding a little bit of heat, making you moan out in pleasure. “S-sir!” you panted, grabbing at his wrist. “You want me to stop playing with you clit?” he asked, about to pull his hand away. “N-no! Please, keep doing this!” you begged, looking at him desperately. “Then let go of my wrist.” He replied.

You let your hand lay next to your head while the other one was still grabbing the arm right next to your head. Akainu’s thrusts became harder, the fabric of his pants scratching at the back of your thighs and his heavy balls slapping against your ass. He was filling you out all the way, your cunt pressed flush against his pelvis.

Your moans got louder, the uncomfortable feeling already pushed to the back of your head thanks to his thumb on your clit, adding heat from time to time. You saw your tits wiggle at his thrusts, you back arched when he hit a special sweet spot inside of you. The admiral groaned above you, slamming his dick inside of you without mercy.

He put his hand that was next to your head on your hip and hold you in place, panting heavily while he fucked you without any hesitation. Since you needed a new source of support to grab on you reached over your head to head of the bed, grabbing the the mattress and clawing your fingers into it.

Sakazuki closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling of your tight cunt squeezing him with every thrust, ready to milk him. He wasn’t sure if he would be able to make you cum, being it your first time but he was honestly more fixated on his own at the moment. His hips snapped back and forth, your moans filling his room your writhing body underneath his – it all was really appealing to the older male. He wouldn’t say it out loud but when he found you lying here on his bed with your legs spread he would’ve loved to take you at once but his self-control was stronger than his instincts.

“I…I think I’m gonna…I’m gonna cum, Sir!” you moaned, raising your hips more to meet his thrusts, your legs pressing him closer to you to feel him even deeper. He watched you trow your head back, your small body tensed underneath him before your muscles spasmed around his dick, clenching and unclenching as you came with a loud moan, your back arching, you tits bouncing a little.

The admiral huffed and groaned deeply, joining you in your orgasm soon after. Before he came he pulled out though, mind not clouded enough that he might forget it. His slick semen was covering your stomach, his hand stroking himself eagerly to let every drop of his seed come down on your body.

You were panting heavily, watching thick ribbons of cum cover your stomach. You reach out, collecting some of it on your finger and licking it up, tasting him on your tongue. It was salty and bitter, nothing like you expected but it was somewhat good nonetheless. You bit your lip at his stare, feeling so shameless and dirty to just taste his cum like some whore but you simply couldn’t help.

“Are you gonna be able to focus on your tasks from now on, Y/n?” he asked while he pulled out, inspecting the mess you two have made. Blushing you nodded shyly, pulling your legs to your body and closing them. “Good. We wouldn’t want this small incident to repeat itself, now would we?” you blushed even deeper at his smirk, knowing this probably wasn’t the last time. After all, this mission would take at least another month.

[ikeromantic]

Trust

A Mitsuhide Akechi fanfiction, approx. 2200 words. This scene takes place toward the end of Ch. 13 of the Romantic Route. SPOILERS!

First: Mitsuhide and the Maiden

Previous: Base Villains

Mitsuhide felt a surge of incoherent rage. His beloved little mouse stood beside the shogun, her arm in his iron-grip. Her face was bruised - and likely more of her that he couldn’t see. Her clothes were torn and bloody. If Ashikaga thought this would bring him mercy, he was badly mistaken.

She turned her eyes from the shogun to look at Mitsuhide. There was a world of hurt in that gaze, but strength too. Despite all she’d suffered, she was angry and determined. There was even a flare of joy in her at seeing him.

“You base villains,” Ashikaga shrieked. He waved the guards to attack, but the daimyo’s men didn’t move.

Motonari ignored the shogun completely. He gave the chatelaine a saucy grin. “Hey! Yer lookin’ pretty good fer a prisoner, m’lady!” He even dipped in a slight bow to her, though the effect was somewhat lacking given the blood spatter and gore on him.

“I’m sorry to keep you waiting, my love.” Mitsuhide took a step toward her.

She smiled, though the expression clearly caused her pain. “I knew you’d come.”

“I hoped you would say that, which is why I endeavored to come just as you needed me.” Mitsuhide couldn’t help the genuine affection that colored his voice when he spoke to her. He was still angry - still planning to tear the shogun’s body into pieces - but that rage burned right beside the fires of his love. One did not contradict the other. He knew he didn’t need to gentle himself for her. “I will have you free and in my arms in a moment.”

“Guards!” Ashikaga shrieked, his voice cutting through the nearby sounds of battle. He was not a man that liked being ignored.

The door of the side room burst open, spilling the shogun’s personal guards into the room. Where the daimyo’s men would not obey, these men were eager to do as ordered. There were only four of them, and at least one looked as if he was already half-dead.

“I expected more from you, Yoshiaki. It seems your popularity has taken a plunge.” Mitsuhide lifted his sword, ready to fight.

Motonari laughed. “Aww, if I’da known you were so hard-up fer help, I might not a’ betrayed ya so quick.”

The shogun’s face flushed crimson and he shook with anger. “You - you fools think to mock me? Know your position!” He jerked the chatelaine in front of him. “Besides, I have a hostage. You are mad to go against me!”

“I am quite sane, I assure you,” Mitsuhide’s eyes narrowed. The shogun clearly wasn’t. Mitsuhide was willing to kill a man for making his little one cry. For this . . . death was too easy. “Yoshiaki, this world has moved on. It has no more need for men like you. Because you fail to grasp this, I have come to assist you off the stage myself.”

The shogun’s eyes were wide, though with fear or anger, it was impossible to say. “Insolence! Make your jokes while you have breath for them.” Then he smiled and pulled a dagger from his belt. He pressed the sharp edge to the chatelaine’s throat.

She gasped and froze.

Behind them, one of the servants - no, Mitsuhide realized - Kyubei! - began to step forward. Mitsuhide gave the barest shake of his head. An attack now would mean death for his little mouse. The right moment would come.

“See they do not approach me,” Ashikaga ordered his men.

The half-dead looking guard bowed to the shogun. “As you command, majesty.” Then he turned his gaze to the intruders. Mitsuhide saw in them the fires of fanaticism, and the darkness of death approaching. This man had no fear, not anymore. He pulled a long sword and held it up. “I sentence you to death, kitsune. It is too light a punishment for turning on the shogun, but it is the best I can mete out.”

Motonari gave an excited shout. “Hell yes! Looks like one o’ yer men has got some backbone!”

Yoshiaki hissed something to the chatelaine and then pulled her to the corner of the room.

“I’ll take the room. You can have the shogun.” Motonari didn’t wait for a reply, just charged forward. He was immediately met by the half-dead fanatic, who despite his wounds, was clearly the best of the remaining fighters. “Let’s have us some fun!”

“This will be no game,” the fanatic’s expression was grim.

They exchanged blows, their blades screeching as they met again and again.

Mitsuhide shook his head. Mouri was mad, but at least that had its usefulness. At least this provided him an opening. He dodged past the remaining guards toward the shogun.

“You rush to your end,” Yoshiaki shouted. He pushed past the doors to a small balcony. It was a bare ledge with no railings. Below, the battle was slowing as men died or surrendered. Their cries were carried up to the tenshu on the cold night air.

The chatelaine went with him, the dagger still on her throat kept her still and compliant.

“If you so much as twitch, I’ll throw you to your death,” the shogun hissed at her.

Mitsuhide sheathed his sword and pulled the matchlock from his back. There wasn’t enough space on that narrow ledge to fight. In this, the tanegashima was a better choice. If his aim held true. He checked the load and primed it to fire. Then he pointed it at the shogun. “Do not move.”

The shogun pressed his knife hard against the chatelaine’s throat, drawing a thin line of blood. “It is you who should be careful of his movements.” He grinned, already feeling he’d won. “Now lower your rifle.”

“You can only kill her once, Yoshiaki.”

“Disarm yourself and kneel, kitsune! Do it, or I will kill her!”

Despite his words, Mitsuhide was terrified. Seeing the blood on her neck only drove home the very real possibility that she would die here, now. He would still finish his mission. The shogun would die. But his little one . . . The thought froze his limbs and stopped his heart. He told himself that Ashikaga would kill her anyway, even if he dropped the gun and knelt. Yet . . . if there was a chance that he would let her go . . .

Seeing Mitsuhide’s conflict, Yoshiaki’s smile widened. “Call off your troops and I will let the girl live. Do it, and I may even forgive you for turning against me.”

Mitsuhide didn’t move.

“Now, or must I say it louder?!”

He ignored the shogun and studied the face of his beloved little one. She saw the decision he had to make. And she understood. Without moving, she gifted him her trust. His little mouse knew the risk he was about to take and accepted it, as he must. Her bravery made his chest hurt and his throat close. But he could only honor it now by taking action.

As Mitsuhide took aim, the chatelaine lifted her hands and in a practiced motion, grabbed the shogun’s knife arm. “Now,” she shouted. She had only seconds that she could hold Ashikaga at bay.

Mitsuhide sent a prayer to whatever gods or devils may be listening, and he pulled the trigger.

The moment stretched. He saw the powder light, heard the explosion of the bullet as it left the barrel. Watched Ashikaga’s ribs buckle under the impact, and his blood stained the cloth around the wound.

“What?” The shogun looked down at himself in confusion. His grip on the knife loosened. The blade fell to the ground.

The messenger stopped fighting Motonari in the room behind them and flung himself toward Mitsuhide. There was death in his eyes. He knew he couldn’t survive this attack, but he was determined to avenge the shogun as his last living act.

Kyubei lunged forward, putting himself between Mitsuhide and the nearly dead warrior. His sword took the man in his gut, stopping him before he could so much as breathe on Akechi. The hate in the messenger’s eyes burned to emptiness as his life-blood spilled. Kyubei watched impassively until he was sure the man was really dead.

“Nice kill,” Motonari remarked. “Who’re you?”

“No one.” Kyubei gave a half smile and pulled his sword free.

Mitsuhide spared a moment to clap him on the shoulder. Their eyes met. There was much to discuss, of course, but it could wait. The shogun was dead, the chatelaine was alright, and there were yet plans to put in motion.

“Mouri, go make sure Kennyo isn’t overwhelmed. There is still fighting on the grounds below us. Everything must be calm before the shogun arrives.”

“Yer losin’ yer mind, kitsune. The shogun’s right there.” Mouri’s eyes narrowed as Yoshiaki staggered to the edge of the narrow ledge. His legs shook. His chest spasmed as he gasped for air. And then, Yoshiaki Ashikaga fell.

Mitsuhide closed the distance between him and his little mouse. He pulled her tight against him. “You are alright.”

“I know.” She snuggled closer.

“Guess I’ll leave ya two lovebirds and go see to Kennyo,” Motonari said gruffly. “Ya did good princess.”

She didn’t look up to watch him go, though Mitsuhide’s eyes followed the pirate until he was gone from sight. Then his attention was back on his little one. Her deep, shaking breaths slowed and steadied. “I hope one day, awful things like this don’t have to happen anymore.”

“As do I.” He stroked her back gently. He had wanted to insulate her from this. To protect her. But his little mouse was strong enough to see death and recover from it. She’d proven herself yet again to be his match. Here she was, injured and in shock, yet she still held strength. Though he hadn’t believed he could love her more, he felt a surge of affection for this strange, sweet woman.

A dry cough from the room behind them eventually broke their moment of peace. Kyubei, still dressed as one of the daimyo’s servants, stood beside . . . Ashikaga Yoshiaki. Or, his replacement.

“Sorry to interrupt. I was just wondering when you’d clear this place out. My room is a mess!” The shogun wrinkled his nose in distaste.

Kyubei nudged him. “The shogun would never apologize.”

“Ah, right. Interrupting you was an annoyance. How dare you embrace and not regard my entrance with the appropriate obeisance?” The shogun smiled.

Mitsuhide smiled back. “I see. My apologies to you then. Shall I kneel?”

The chatelaine looked down at the ground below for a moment as if to check that Ashikaga’s body was still there. Then she looked back up at his double. “You - who? No wait! You’re the scribe! We met you in Kyoto at the shogun’s estate.”

“Riku, at your service, princess.” The shogun bowed. “Ashikaga kept my service while he was in hiding here, and eventually brought me out to scribe for him. Just as Akechi suspected he would.”

“And you made contact with my spy as instructed, I see,” Mitsuhide smiled.

“I did. He told me your idea and, at first I wasn’t interested but -”

“I am very persuasive,” Kyubei grinned.

Riku, now the shogun’s double, nodded. “And the daimyo agreed to go along with it, provided his family was spared. So here we are.” He looked a little nervous.

“You will make an excellent shogun in exile,” Mitsuhide reassured him. “All you need do is enjoy the remaining wealth of the Ashikaga clan and stay out of Oda’s way.”

“I will,” Riku’s expression was determined, if a little pale. “It’s more than I ever could have hoped for as a mere scribe.”

Mitsuhide nodded. “I will leave you in Kyubei’s care for now. He will alert me if you need support.” His eyes fell to his little mouse. “I have more important tasks this day.”

He spared not a heartbeat more before lifting her into his arms. It felt like they’d been apart forever, though it was really only a few days. Mitsuhide carried her past the few lingering fights, and into one of the daimyo’s guest rooms. It was quieter here, though the smell of gunpowder and blood still hung on the air.

“I would take you to Kyoto, but first . . .” he brushed a finger along the edge of her jaw. Her cheek was swollen and bruised. “We must see to your injuries. What happened?”

She told him about her capture as he gently rubbed balm into her wounds. Mitsuhide could tell it stung - both the ointment and relating her capture. But he was proud of her for trying to outsmart Ashikaga’s man, and for fighting back.

“I am sorry I wasn’t there to protect you,” he said softly, and kissed her forehead.

She put her hand to his cheek and shook her head. “You can’t always be right beside me. I don’t expect you to be. I did my best to keep myself safe and . . . I knew if I couldn’t, that you would rescue me. And you did.”

Mitsuhide felt a sharp warmth in his eyes and realized he might cry. Her trust in him . . . he simply didn’t have words for the way it made him feel. “I love you, little one.”

“And I love you.”

Next: Tears of Joy

[lovelivingmydreams]

A story by heroes and Villains

Season 2: Secrets revealed Logan Anker: Old wounds and worries

Master list book 1

The wounds of the past can hurt. Not just you but your surroundings. No wonder we keep those secret to protect them... or is it ourselves we are protecting mort that way?

Waiting until the end of patrol was torture.

Logan didn’t like talking about the past. At all. He had trouble talking about Hannah and Caleb in any capacity to Virgil, or Patton, or Thomas or even Picani. And the Collector… Logan wanted to forget about him. But he couldn’t. If he was honest, that man showed up in his nightmares to this day. And he likely would keep showing up until he was behind bars. Patton and Thomas did their best to comfort him. A gesture he appreciated even though it wasn’t very effective. Finally Prince arrived. The young hero took in the atmosphere in the room and was clearly annoyed. “Listen, I promise I was safe. But I could’ve been in the middle of talking someone out of making a bad decision at the time. You can’t just shout in my ear out of nowhere. That was dangerous and frankly, I expect you to be more levelheaded BS. Anny other night and Logan would have insisted Prince gave him a detailed debrief on what exactly was so important that he couldn’t even let them know he was okay. But today… “That isn’t what this is about Prince. Take a seat,” Thomas instructed. Giving Logan a moment more to collect his thoughts. “Ok…” Prince said as he sat down, Looking around confused. Logan took a last moment to calm himself before he started his story with an apology. “Prince. I must offer you my sincere apologies. I didn’t want to tell you this right away, and maybe I should have.” Had his decision really been about allowing Prince to live his dream before burdening him? Was withholding the truth for Prince’s benefit? Or his own? “You shouldn’t have gone out without knowing the risks… We talked a little about nemeses during your training.” Prince nodded. Clearly still confused. “Yeah, but I doubt I’ve done anything that warrants one yet. Those come later in a career unless…” Prince paused, frowning. “But you were a villain. Any nemeses you had would be heroes… Right?” Prince was a good student indeed. He’d realized that Logan was telling him he was about to inherit his mentor’s past. And he had a good point. A nemeses of Logan would be on the side of the heroes. “Technically, the collector isn’t my nemesis. At least not in the traditional sense,” he agreed as he pinched the bridge of his nose. Ever since he stopped using his powers, high stress situations got him small headaches that got worse over time. “I’ll start from the beginning,” he said, thinking back to a time he’d erase from his life all together if he could. “I became a villain because I needed the money and fast. Plain and simple. Any legal means were insufficient, so I made a name for myself and eventually, when I said ‘give me 10.000 dollars or I destroy this building,’ people handed me the money because they knew I very easily could make good on my threats. I always picked an amount they could easily provide without harming the business or individual too much financially. One day I found myself running from the police force. I had misjudged the time it would take them to arrive,” he had gotten arrogant with success. “And I got helped by a stranger in a haphazardly put together disguise. When we lost them and caught our breath, he introduced himself as ‘the collector’. I fairly quickly understood him to be a fanboy of sorts. He was a big fan of my ‘work’, though he misunderstood the intention entirely. Not that I could get him to understand that.” Everything he said that didn’t fit Collector’s narrative was ignored or dismissed. “He thought I was taking the money as proof that I was superior or something like that. I didn’t listen too closely to his speech at the time. I was concerned with getting away. He said he wanted to help me. Gifted were still considered fairly new. Nowadays most people alive have lived most of their lives in a world with gifted.” The first super powered individuals had appeared around the time Logan was born. “But back then, most of the population still saw it as strange and there weren’t any real initiatives to help train the powers. So the gifted that were around often were untrained and had their powers act up without warning. Which could be quite destructive.” Logan recalled the park bench and every instance of loss of control after that, all the way up to a wine glass in a restaurant less than a year ago. He looked at his pupil to make sure he hadn’t lost his attention. The wide, attentive, green eyes and firm nod told him he still had an audience. “Anyway, the collector thought that people should respect and celebrate our existence. He compared the stigmas we faced to those of people of color, or the LGBTQ+ community, then still called the Gay or Queer community. He said it very nicely, it almost sounded reasonable, if you ignored the slight notes of supremacy. And if I had been trying to ‘stick it to the man’ as they say, I might have been tempted. But I just wanted…” to pay form my sisters treatment and my research for a cure. “I was selfish in my actions and therefore not interested in his big revolution, which turned out to be a good thing in some ways.” He didn’t want to even imagine the kind of person he’d be then. He wouldn’t have Patton that was for sure. And Virgil… No. He was glad Virgil was kept away from that madness. And he intended to keep it that way. “I told him I wasn’t interested in leading any resistance, thanked him for the assistance and left. Shortly after this, I encountered Manifestor for the first time. He blessed one of the people in the building with super speed.” Said gifted was now one of the heroes patrolling the city. He was actually one of the heroes who’s territory Prince shared. Thomas hadn’t gotten the hang of permanent and temporary power boosts yet at the time. It was always a game of chance. Thomas chuckled. “I remember. I was so pleased that it worked.” Pleased was one word for it. “You were insufferably delighted, even though I defeated your champion.” While he and StarBucker were amicable nowadays, at the time, Logan had been thoroughly annoyed at the inconvenience. But thinking back to Thomas’ triumphant smile he could not quite help his own amusement. “You did retreat though,” Thomas pointed out. “I stalled you long enough to make you give up that mark and head out. So it was a win for me.” Logan let out a sigh, he couldn’t argue with that, but they were getting of topic. “I saw the Collector a few more times after that, though I managed to avoid conversation. One day, during a stalemate with Manifestor, he asked me about him. Apparently I wasn’t the only one who’d been approached about his plans. He had actually advanced them. He was now not only collecting gifted, but also individuals worthy of a gift. Be it they joined him out of free will, or got persuaded through different means.” Blackmail, intimidation, manipulation. Those were the collector’s tools. “And he wanted me to ‘grant them that blessing’,” Thomas added uneasy. Logan patted his old friend on the back in support. A conversation with the collector had never been a fun experience for either of them. “Manifestor had enlisted the help of others to free some of his victims,” Logan continued. “The Collector claimed I was championing his cause. I assured Manifestor that I had no intention of assisting in his plans. That is about the time Manifestor started winning me over to redemption.” He thought back to those times with a bittersweet feeling. He’d been so excited by the idea. A nice place for him and Hannah to live. A good job that would let him take care of her and have her be proud of him. Things hadn’t gone quite how he’d wanted, but at the same time, one thing had gone better than he could ever have imagined. “Next time I spotted Collector, I told him in the plainest possible terms that I was not interested…” It should have been a firm ending to this story. Or so he had thought. That was naïve of him, he now knew that. Obsession and fanaticism don’t disappear just because one piece of that craziness did not cooperate. He’d been arrogant once again. Thinking too highly of himself. It took him a moment to continue. “He assured me I would be…” He suppressed a shiver as he recalled the polite, almost pleasant way he’d spoken. Sort of soothing. As if Logan had merely been a child afraid to go in the swimming pool and Collector was indulging him for the moment. “I haven’t seen him since, but that promise… I don’t know what exactly he has been up to in the past 14 years. But one can only imagine how someone like that matures... Or what he has planned for me when he finds me.” Or much more importantly, his loved ones. Thomas, Patton, Virgil, the Bullards who despite the current situation were still family to him, and Prince too if he was completely honest. There was no telling what Logan would do if any of them… Not now. “Prince, the collector will not consider you his enemy. But he is yours. Anyone who meets his criteria of ‘worthy’, is at risk. And he does not take no for an answer.” The words had barely settled in the room or Prince shot up panicked. “Phantom!” he exclaimed. “Phantom might be in danger! What if someone on the chief’s team passes on information to Him? Or what if he has connections to these crime organizations!? I’ve got to go out now and find him…” Prince was clearly about to head out again right away. Admirable, but not very prudent given the circumstances. “Not tonight. Maybe tomorrow you can try again. Even if you find him, you are not in the right state of mind to deliver this kind of news delicately.” Prince paused, clearly contemplating his words. Seeing, or feeling, an opening, Patton added his two cents. “You’ve done great today sport! You just go home and sleep on what you’ve learned. Tomorrow night there is another patrol and you might run into him then.” And to make the set complete, Thomas finished: “I’m glad you are so eager to meet this young hero Prince. Just know that there is no pressure. They’ve been evading unwanted contact for almost a year now. It is okay if you don’t find them right away. And we’ll give you the support you need.” Prince clearly did not like it but he conceded. “Can I ask a favor though? Can I bring him some of that dye and a modulator? I doubt he’ll have a very sophisticated disguise if he’s on his own. It could be a sign of comradery?” he explained awkwardly. Logan nodded. It made sense, and it wouldn’t take him long. He led Prince through a few doors to his lab. Once he got to his desk he put his family picture down. It was a digital picture frame that played an album of family pictures once the camera registered his face in front of the desk. Even if Prince didn’t look at it on purpose he might catch a glance of Virgil, Patton or him in passing. And Prince was a curious person. His territory included Logan’s new neighborhood, he might see Virgil on one of his runs while he was on patrol. Or see any of them in passing. For Prince’s safety and that of Logan’s family, he wouldn’t take risks. He handed Prince a black hairdye stick. Fitting for a gifted who relied on stealth. He picked up a dark purple modulator, the darkest color he had and plugged it in to program it. Prince clearly had an idea of how Phantom’s voice should sound. “Could you make it so it’s like, deepened by an octave and doubled? With an echo effect?” Logan nodded. It fit the moniker Phantom was given, that was for certain. “Thank you. This should help a lot,” Prince grinned as he took the modulator. “I shall be heading home now,” he bid before leaving the lab, followed by Logan who watched him get in the elevator to leave the facility. Logan let out a relieved sigh. “Come on. Let’s go home and see Virgil,” Patton said gently, knowing what Logan needed right now. Logan smiled gratefully and as they headed up, he handed Patton the keys. He didn’t feel clear of mind enough to handle driving tonight. He let Virgil know they were on their way so he would know to expect them. Otherwise he might think they were burglars.

When they got home they found Virgil on the couch with his headphones on. He looked up and smiled as he spotted them. “Welcome back. I gotta ask though. Who’s your fourth guy?” he asked playfully. Logan blinked confused. “What do you mean?” “For your poker nights,” Virgil joked. Patton giggled at Logan’s side, taking the lead. “No cardgames I’m afraid kiddo. We’ll tell you about the project once it’s finished. It’s all confidential for now I’m afraid,” he said. Virgil cocked his head and studied Patton for a moment, then he shrugged. “Okay, Keep your secrets,” he sighed as he stretched and got up. “Night Pat, night Lo,” he said casually as he headed to the door. Logan cringed a little at that. Lately his son, on occasion, used his surname. He was assured by Picani that this was in no way a reflection of Virgil’s affection for Logan as a father. He had no less than 3 fathers now. Him, Patton and an unknown biological father. To differentiate between the three he likely used surnames in his head. Which may slip out verbally on occasion. Even knowing that, it stung a little. “Goodnight Virgil, I love you,” Logan replied, trying not to show his inner discourse. Virgil paused in the door and looked back with a smile. “Love you to dad.” And just like that the tightening in his chest loosened. “Love you three kiddo!” Patton added. “Love ya Pat,” Virgil snickered before disappearing to his room. Logan kept staring at the door for a moment. Patton hugged him from the side. “What do you say I make us a nightcap before bed?” he suggested. Logan nodded. “That would be pleasant,” he told him.

The next morning, Logan woke up to hearing Virgil move about and singing to himself downstairs. That boy never sleeps in. He let out a yawn and stretched, feeling Patton curl into his chest. “Do you regret moving in with us yet?” he teased. “Never,” Patton muttered sleepily. “I smell bacon,” he hummed. “First awake makes breakfast in the weekend. It’s a tradition we have. He was ten the first time I found him trying to fix me breakfast in bed,” Logan recalled fondly. “He made a mess, but it was really sweet. He was following all my rules. He didn’t touch the knives or the stove without me there, which of course limited his options. I helped him make breakfast the that day. After that I made sure to lay some things ready for him on Friday and Saturday nights in case he tried again. Which he did.” “That is adorable,” Patton squealed with a kiss to Logan’s cheek. “Let’s see what our son has in store for us today,” Logan suggested as he got up. He waked to the closet to select some clothes for the day. He felt Patton’s eyes on his back and turned around. “Everything alright Patton?” Patton bit his lip. “It’s just… Our son. I really like the sound of that,” he explained. Logan nodded. “I do too.” Patton bit his lip. “I was thinking of maybe looking into… what it would take for me to adopt him? Make it official?” he suggested. Logan’s heart skipped a beat. Patton had mentioned adopting Virgil in a burst of emotion before. But it seemed like he meant it. He knew that it would mean the world to both him and Virgil to have Patton be an official part of their family. “That would be excellent Patton,” he told him sincerely. Patton’s face lit up at that. “Would you help me figure it out? I want to know what steps I have to take.” Logan walked back to the bed and sat himself next to Patton, taking hold of both his hands. “It would be my greatest pleasure,” he told him gently. Patton’s shoulders relaxed, his gaze still thoughtful, and then he let out a giggle. “May I inquire where your mind has taken you now?” Logan wondered fondly. “It’s just. Look at me being practical. You have rubbed off on me,” he scolded playfully. “Well if it helps, you have changed me too. For the better that is,” Logan assured him with a kiss to his forehead. “Now get downstairs before our breakfast gets cold.”

Breakfast was pleasant. Virgil rolled his eyes and teased them with how ‘cute’ they were being this morning. Logan responded by giving Patton an extra kiss to his cheek. And then Thomas picked Virgil up for their trip to the zoo. Logan and Patton distracted themselves by preparing classes for the next week, answering email and spending some quality time together. Logan had told Thomas that he could tell Virgil about his teenage years. If the topic of parents and siblings came up, he could mention what he knew. Logan knew that he was risking moving up his time table. But part of him hoped he’d be forced to tell Virgil everything tonight. He should have told him long ago. But he kept finding excuses to postpone. He had still not decided whether he’d talk about BrainStorm or not. “I’m home!” Virgil called all of a sudden. Logan glanced up from his book. Time had flown by. Patton was almost done with diner after which they had to leave for Prince’s next patrol. Logan was torn on that subject too. On one hand he knew the young hero wouldn’t need constant supervision for much longer. But on the other, he’d worry about Prince the whole evening if he didn’t personally keep an eye on him. “Dad!” Virgil grinned brightly as he gave him a hug. Effectively ending his inner turmoil. “Virgil? Not that I do not appreciate you seem excited to see me. But is there a particular reason?” he wondered. Virgil let go and stepped back. Logan absentmindedly took note of the fact that the height difference between them was almost gone. Would he outgrow him? Caleb had been a little taller than him. “Uncle Thomas told me about your teen years. I didn’t know you were on the debate team!” he grinned excitedly. Logan was a little flattered that this little bit of information seemed to mean so much to his son. “Well, yes. It was a bit of a hobby of mine, as well as an attempt to get better at socializing,” he confessed. Virgil’s eyes sparked at that. “You were a socially awkward nerd,” he chuckled. Logan frowned at that. “Hey, that’s a complement. I’m a socially awkward artsy kid. Sounds like I’m your son after all,” he chuckled happily. “Speaking off. Uncle Thomas told me you wrote poetry back in the day.” “Really?” Patton exclaimed from the kitchen. Logan was flushing bright red. “I… Experimenting with different forms of self-expression is a natural part of discovering one’s identity as a teenager. It was a phase. I would like to forget about it,” he said stiffly. “Aw, but poetry is so romantic,” Patton pouted. Logan made a mental note of that. Just because he didn’t write anymore didn’t mean he didn’t enjoy reading it from time to time. There was something soothing in the format and he knew of a few poems Patton may enjoy. As far as Virgil was concerned though, poetry was firmly in his past. “That’s too bad. I thought I could maybe make a project around your old work for art class,” Virgil said disappointedly. Oh, that was not fair. “I’ll see if I still have one of my old notebooks,” he allowed. “Just ask my consent before you pick one.” And before he knew it he was once again hugged tightly by his son. “Thanks dad. You won’t regret it. I promise.” Virgil’s excitement was worth any embarrassment that his pubescent ramblings may cause. During dinner Virgil told them about the trip to the zoo and the many sketches he’d made. He also informed them that his session with Picani had gone well. After dinner Virgil bid both of them goodnight in case he’d be asleep when they got back from the university. Patton was smiling the whole way there. “What is on your mind?” Logan wondered. “Did you ever write something for a crush?” Patton asked giddily. He had sort of expected this. “I… Didn’t really have a romantic interest in high school. Thomas was the only person my age I got close to. I was… Well you know what I was going through back then. Between my mother and school… All I had on romance was rather resentful or, once Hannah introduced Caleb to me, from the eye of an observer. Perhaps I can find one of the latter. It might be nice for Virgil to use something inspired by his parents as a base for whatever project he is working on,” he mused. “That sounds like a lovely idea,” Patton agreed.

Half an hour later, Logan was pacing the floor. Prince should’ve called in ten minutes ago. He might just be late, but… Then a beep announced that Prince’s communicator went active. Logan rushed to the comstation. “DreamPrince you are late. What is yours status?” Had he ran into trouble? Was he hiding? Or had he simply forgotten about his com until now? “I am currently debriefing Phantom. I’ll let you know when I’m done here. Tell chief I’ll stop by with a package,” he informed them swiftly. “Radio silence until further notice.” And just like that, the line went silent once again. “He has him…” Logan muttered. Almost in disbelieve. “Oh thank goodness,” Thomas breathed in relief. They’d all be worried about the child out on their own. But it seemed like they were quite a few steps ahead of Collector. An advantage they sorely needed.

Hero au

@cirishere​ @hestianerd1​ @moonlightshow00​ @naturallyunstablegamer​ @alias290​ @meowthefluffy​ @frida0043​ @angelic-cali​ @selenechris​ @theblackveilinreverse​

[ghostmartyr]

SnK 124 Thoughts

Have some faith, Reiner.

As if we’d ever forget Han Solo.

The only nice thing about what’s happening now is that it’s forced the right priorities on people. Despite Eren saying, way back in Trost, that people all uniting to face one enemy is too rosy an idea to have a place in reality, for this one island, in these final, traumatic moments, no one wants all these people to die.

With various faces painted on it, most of our main cast on either side has always been focused on one thing: survival. Now Eren rejects that entire concept for the protection of one group. In the barest of bones, that is what every single villain of this manga has always done. Of course the only option is to reject him.

And of course Gabi, who has always been compared to Eren, who has had the most traumatic series of experiences of her young life, stands up and starts fighting.

(One in shadows, one in light. Winning all the high school book reports here.)

This is the best of Eren, in a child who has been ruined by this world just as thoroughly. Gabi will bring back her friends.

Eren chases after slavers to save a girl he doesn’t know.

Gabi runs into streets full of monsters and saves someone who hates her.

I’ve always enjoyed Eren as a protagonist (his dip into antagonist, not so much). In Trost, he takes on the burden of being a symbol of humanity’s hope, but I’ve always felt that his true symbolic nature is that he’s the one who lays claim to humanity’s outrage.

There are things in this world that are simply wrong. Righteous fury without limits is a satisfying reaction to that, and at the start of the manga, it’s something that all of Paradis has basically lost. They’ve grown complacent with their lot in life. Even when the titans invade, they don’t dream beyond reclaiming the territory that they’ve always known.

Eren’s status as a rage monster is very much a meme, and he’s very much more than that, but it has always been fitting that the main character is a bonfire that lights the sparks of the rest of the cast. Eren inspires motion. Before he has any touch of competence and plot magic, he talks and his comrades find themselves listening.

Gabi takes up that torch here.

Reiner is done (again. sorry, Reiner). The world is probably done. Gabi has spent this whole arc being some kind of done.

Gabi gets up, and goes to look for her friend. Falco follows her onto an airship; she follows him into hell.

Gabi gets up, and protects the girl who wants her dead. She faces down a titan with a weapon not meant for the job, and she wins.

Just like the young woman she murdered.

Sasha joins the Survey Corps after Trost. She comes face to face with a titan, and she falters. She fails to kill it, and it comes after her, and she’s scared. She wants to leave. She considers leaving.

Dot Pixis’ speech reignites her will.

Sasha stays, and a month later she saves her little sister.

Her little sister protects a pair of enemy child soldiers.

One of those child soldiers saves her life.

Paradis begins without a spark. Even the people who are signing up to be soldiers are mostly doing it so they won’t be seen as cowards, or so they can go further into the walls as Military Police. People who want to go outside and kill the titans are nuts. The Survey Corps is nuts. They’re a waste of taxes, and anyone who wants to join them is a suicidal idiot.

Enter Eren. Enter enough fury and impact that the fire can’t be contained in one person, and the sparks start spreading. The people who have been left to tend their own fires for years are given kindling. The people who don’t know what it’s like to not be freezing cold are given a taste of warmth.

For a series that begins in stagnation, a protagonist devoted to movement is going to inspire the most change.

Then he decides to commit genocide and ruin everything, but hey, look at how much that’s inspiring people to get along!

Eren, you’re a fucking disaster.

Niccolo basically hands us the series’ thesis on a silver platter, so I’ll refrain from trying to fit his quotes into anything resembling a paragraph.

Niccolo is not Eldian.

Eldians are the one with the ability to literally transform into monsters. A physical manifestation of the horrors all humans are capable of if you take away their reason. That’s why the world calls them devils. They’re all a bunch of ticking time bombs just waiting to go off; why wouldn’t the world condemn, hate, and fear that?

Those ticking time bombs always take at least one more person willing to start the timer for them.

In the current era, Marley has been the force happily strapping bombs to children’s chests.

Niccolo hits on the truest point. From someone who is not Eldian, who cannot physically manifest the horrors all around them that could not exist without certain genetics--

Niccolo has a devil inside of him, too. He’s given in to it. He has been a monster, so lost in his despair that he’s willing to kill children.

The true enemy of this world is not titans. It’s falling prey to the demons every human carries inside. That is the universal human experience, and everywhere people fall in that fight, evil follows.

Titans exist because a man rapes a slave and has her children eat her.

That evil is a fault of human nature, not blood.

Niccolo and Gabi have been the monsters.

Unlike most titans, they have the option of coming back. They’ve had the fortune to live long enough that they can come back. Hell, it might be because she hits the bargaining phase, but even this chapter Gabi goes from suggesting killing Eren to talking to him and using his power for something actually useful.

-pats Gabi on the head-

Not bad, kiddo.

To the left, we have Jean and Connie.

Hell.

Connie’s simplest (as well as the most exciting, because he’s running off to Wall Rose territory with Falco, who has Ymir’s memories), and rather devastating. For four years, his mother has been a titan. Unable to move. She’s his only remaining family. Everyone else in his village, Connie spent their last night alive praying that they would die. He’s one of the three people left who remember Utgard.

Being trapped on a tower in the middle of the night, being hunted for sport by people he’s known all his life.

On Zeke’s command.

The man Paradis is forced to consider an ally. The man Connie is not allowed to touch. The man who is still, years later, turning people into titans. The man one of his closest friends ostensibly betrays them for.

After all that, his friends have someone who can save his mom, and they try to tell him no. Because that might hurt the feelings of their enemies. People like Reiner, for instance. The guy Connie still cries for in Return to Shiganshina.

Don’t worry about your mother, Connie. Worry about the feelings of everyone else.

Also Sasha is dead and this kid’s bestie pulled the trigger.

But seriously Connie, chill.

[chill not found]

Connie has, frankly, done a fantastic job holding everything together. The fact that he’s only snapping now speaks greatly to his character, and leaves me not too concerned about Falco. Connie ranks as one of the lowest on who’s left of people who would be willing to kill a child. Even if it’s for his mother, if Falco’s awake, I don’t think Connie can do it.

...If he can, the manga will have actually found a way to get even darker, which, if we’re being honest, I sort of thought we were beyond at this point, so flip a coin I guess.

Jean likewise has some of my favorite material in this chapter. He’s grown into a far better commander than he was at Trost, and having the terrain duplicated so well only emphasizes it.

But as ever, the true entertainment comes from Marco.

Who is also dead.

Yes, still.

“You’re not a strong person... so you can really understand how weak people feel.”

Jean is not wrong that destroying the rest of the world sort of fixes Paradis’ main problems. The issue is that it’s horrifically immoral, not that it wouldn’t be effective (until a civil war breaks out).

Because everyone spent all their time hating them, their only protection was murdering them all. And it’s all on one person’s decisions. They’re hardly involved, aren’t they? If they sit back and do nothing, it’s just karma, right? What could they possibly do at this point?

“But you’re also good at recognizing what’s going on at any given moment. You know exactly what needs to be done. I mean... most humans are weak, including me... But if I got an order from someone who saw things like I do... no matter how tough it was, I’d do my damnedest to carry it out.”

Jean’s right. They do reap the benefits of this horrible choice. No more complicated politics. Just a blank slate to do better on. Everyone on Paradis gets to live. Without putting too fine a point on it, that’s an argument we’re probably all familiar with, and here a character is, pointing it all out.

This fixes all their problems. Good, right?

No.

Because standing back and doing nothing while genocide is committed is fucking wrong.

That’s a question this series has grappled with from the beginning; which is more important, survival or doing what’s right?

In the start, we have a protagonist who is fully comfortable throwing his own life away in the name of doing what’s right. At the moment, he’s giving every appearance of being fully comfortable throwing away everyone else’s life in the name of keeping the people he cares about alive.

This chapter, we have Connie arguing for his mom’s life over someone more politically relevant’s.

Bringing back another fandom favorite, Serum Bowl pretty much locks these arguments in a cage and pokes them gently with an assault rifle.

Survival says Erwin. Armin doesn’t matter, except to Eren and Mikasa. Erwin matters to Levi in a way he doesn’t to them. What’s right falls to the floor except to be brandished like a machete against the other side’s wants. Hange has to swoop in and pick it up, and by then Floch’s involved and clubbing everyone over the head with his newfound fanaticism.

Once it’s gotten to that point, humanity’s continued survival still says Erwin.

It’s still saving a man’s life.

A man who will die without this intervention.

For the reason of bringing him back to life to suffer in everyone’s place.

It’s pragmatic, and it truly is best for humanity’s survival beyond the walls.

It is also deeply unkind.

Send these thousands of people to their deaths so  the rest can live. Eat each other. Die, die, and die until someone can live. Anything that promotes survival is, in fact, the right choice.

In the Female Titan arc, when Armin and Jean are watching the full extent of Erwin’s plan in front of their eyes, Armin says that Erwin might very well be evil for it, but given where they are, that’s a good thing. That someone strong enough to be that measured with their few remaining lives is in control--even if he’s committing a moral evil, he’s protecting something more important.

It is the preliminary version of Floch’s eventual conclusion.

They need a devil to ensure their survival.

Levi ultimately rejects that.

He doesn’t bring a man back to life so that he can bear their burdens.

It’s one of the smaller goods of the series. After a life of suffering through what is necessary, Levi chooses to release Erwin from it, even though he’s still tactically essential. Again and again people have discussed how much it would help if one more strategist was out Paradis’ table in these times. Levi’s decision is what prevents the most experienced from taking a seat.

Levi picks to be kind over making the choice that more properly secures survival.

Because the survival of what? More choices leading down the exact same road? The endless cycle of sacrifice that’s turned human bodies into resources instead of recognizing them as people?

Titanization at its core?

In the Serum Bowl, Levi doesn’t choose who he wants to survive. He chooses what. He chooses to recognize a man as human instead of a commodity. Something the two brats screaming at him couldn’t let go of. Something he couldn’t let go of.

Do you want to survive, or create a world worth surviving in?

Eren’s actions will destroy the world beyond the walls he always wanted to see. Indiscriminately. Some of it deserves destruction and worse. The parts that don’t will be swept away all the same.

This plan creates the world the First King told them they all lived in; there is Paradis, and nothing beyond it. The rest of humanity is dead.

Thanks to forfeiting all humanity.

And I guess if anyone on the island has a problem with it, kill them too. Also anyone who encourages anyone to have a problem with it. Just set up your secret task force, give the names, and keep those named living in terror for a century until one of them becoming a serial killer in response seems perfectly reasonable.

For those in need of the reminder, Karl is a douche.

Karl thought genocide was such a bad thing that he committed genocide over it, but it’s okay because his genocide was smaller.

Eren thinks genocide is such a bad thing he’s set up to commit genocide over it, but it’s okay because his genocide is going to be so big it’s going to end all genocides. Until Floch remembers he has a gun, probably. Which seems to be always. In which case this genocide will lead to a series of smaller genocides, eventually leading to not enough people being alive for genocide to be committed.

Curing the world of genocide once and for all.

Yay.

.

What I’m saying is that genocide is bad.

Full stop.

Genocide is bad.

-draws underlines-

-draws angry grrr face-

Bad.

Perhaps maybe these people should stop doing it.

For all the moral reasons, sure, but since we’re clearly beyond that point, maybe someone could just quietly suggest with the force of the world ending that maybe imitating the exact behavior that led to literally all of our cast’s problems is not the best move.

Also, Floch shouldn’t get to point a gun at Yelena’s head. Only Yelena gets to hold guns to people’s heads. She makes it cool. Floch makes everyone wonder why Floch still hasn’t died, only to remember that ah, yes, of course people like Floch don’t die.

BUT HEY, AT LEAST THEY KILLED ALL THE TITANS THAT USED TO BE THEIR COMMANDING OFFICERS. I’M SURE THAT’S NOT RELATED TO FLOCH’S GOOD MOOD AT ALL.

You know, it’s not that things are continuing to get worse. They are simply following the roadmap of horror we were handed in the brochure for this arc. None of this is new, it’s just now in play. So it’s not getting worse, it always was worse.

...Yelena, just take the gun and shoot Floch before you die. I feel like that’s the fastest path to something good happening.

Let’s see... points to all our kidlets being a dominant force against titans now. Them Trost Redux feels. Points to Jean realizing that Eren has power of friendshipped himself into villain status (allegedly). Points to Armin remembering how Pixis gave the humans of Paradis their first victory. Points to all of Sasha’s family because I like them.

Then that’s the chapter.

HOW YOU FEELING, ANNIE FANS?

[kyluxtrashpit]

TROS Review

Okay here is my extremely long (almost 4k words >.>) review of tros. And that’s without the 2k meta on redemption arcs I also have filed away lmao. First off: I am not leaving the kylux fandom. It’s not a good enough movie to warrant that. Second: I might make a post of things I wished we’d gotten later, but this is already WAY too long lmao. Warnings for spoilers, opinions, and general negativity

EXPLICIT RISE OF SKYWALKER SPOILERS BEYOND THIS POINT

So. I have watched the thing. I went in knowing the spoilers and oh boy, am I glad I did. Still, overall this movie was… not great lmao. It’s messy and the pacing is off and there are some very weird and straight up Bad moments, but I’m not actually upset about it anymore. It’s more like ‘there’s a lot to unpack here’ except we’re not going to unpack it or even throw away the whole thing, it’s just gonna become that one box that’s still packed and untouched from when you moved 3 years ago. It’s there, but you rarely think about it beyond the occasional ‘maybe I should finally unpack that? Nah, too much effort’

I see a lot of people writing fix it fic and that’s totally valid but tbh… I don’t think it’s worth the effort for me. I think I’m just going to pretend it never happened and write my kylux the way I always have. Maybe I’ll do something with tros at some point, maybe some mean!Hux + redeemed!Ben because I’m awful lmao but for now, it hasn’t changed my plans at all. Which is actually a good thing tbh

Anyway. I’ll start with the good simply because there’s less of it lmao. Best thing about the movie? Everyone in it is looking like a fucking snack. It’s great. These people have always been hot, but this movie really nailed that. Also the trio stuff was fun and felt genuine. I LOVED the hints that Finn is Force sensitive, and I liked him in this movie even though I wish he got more story/time. I enjoyed Rey at the beginning, but her actions and plotline made less and less sense as the movie went on. Kylo was fun; I had gotten worried after that interview that said he’s calm now but he wasn’t lmao, like at all, so that was good. Also I didn’t like how Hux died but I’m endlessly grateful Kylo wasn’t the one to kill him. That might’ve actually ruined the ship for me

The visuals were excellent (save that strobing near the beginning; I’m not epileptic, but I had to close my eyes because it was too much). Some of the jokes hit will, as did some of the emotional bits (Chewie’s “death” was very well-executed and Rey’s scream broke my heart). Weirdly enough, C-3PO is kind of the heart of the movie, which I did not expect at all. Lando’s appearances were too brief but good. I also loved D-O a lot and he’s very cute. I liked seeing a bunch of new planets and environments, however briefly. The acting was also really great throughout on most accounts. I really enjoyed 2 of the Hux scenes (when he’s sitting in that board meeting making a face like he’s mentally eviscerating everyone in the room and when he gets so excited to finally get to blow something up and then Kylo shuts him up with the Force BUT WITHOUT HARMING HIM!!!)

That’s kind of it tbh. The movie overall is really messy. I’ve seen people say it feels like a fever dream and it really does. I’ve seen descriptions of people dreaming the plot of tros and they’re less weird. The pacing in the first chunk is way too fast and there’s way too much to take in. Then things get weird in the middle. Then, well, that ending. It feels like it’s trying too hard to be liked. It’s ‘joke’, ‘reference to past movie’, ‘joke’, ‘reference to past movie’, ‘mention of hope without showing it’, etc. etc. on and on throughout it. Some of those are fun, but it got tiring very quickly. And it made it impossible for me to suspend disbelief long enough to actually get into it

I also saw a lot of reviews saying if you didn’t like tlj, you would like this one. That was not correct. I disliked this for many of same reasons I disliked tlj, but it also managed to hold tfa’s weaknesses as well. Honestly, tros feels like the worst aspects of tlj mixed with the worst aspects of tfa, mixed with way too much nostalgia and then blended up with a good heaping of mania and desperation to keep it going. It tried so hard, wanted to be liked so badly, and you can feel that watching it. It doesn’t feel genuine

It also feels like every single movie in the ST was actually from a different trilogy. None of the 3 connect to each other. You can’t say tros is a successor to tlj or tfa; it’s totally on a different path, which I’m honestly not sure how they managed that. As much as I felt tlj wasn’t a true continuation of tfa, tros feels like its own trilogy mashed into one movie. There wasn’t one consistent plot or character thread to follow between all 3 movies

I think bringing palpatine back was the first fundamental mistake. It didn’t fit. And after creating Kylo and Snoke to be very specifically Not Sith, why bring the Sith back all of a sudden? Palpatine has had his day and he didn’t need this. No one did. Much as he was creepy as hell and that was well done, it didn’t feel right to have him there. Also, I really don’t like the implication he procreated at any point skdfjskldjk

As for Rey… I know I’m in the minority here, but I never found here to be a good narrative foil for Kylo. The connection between the two doesn’t really interest me at all (and this was one of the reasons I didn’t like tlj). It worked better if they were related, which was the biggest reason I was a proponent of Rey Skywalker, but that didn’t happen. The commonalities they have are just: 1) can use the Force, 2) have been lonely. The contrasts are: 1) light vs dark (sort of; this is less explicit in tfa and I miss that greyer view of the Force) and 2) had a family vs didn’t. And that’s pretty much it. In order for 2 characters to contrast and hit the ‘complimentary opposites’ sweet spot, you need much, much more than that. Finn has and always will be a better foil for Kylo and it’s a damn shame they abandoned that in tlj and even more so in tros. I have more thoughts on her that I’ll get to later too

I did like Rey in the beginning, but the longer it went on, the less I could rationalize her actions. Why is she doing that? Why is she trying to ditch her friends all the time? Why does she heal the cave snake? Why does she stab Kylo when he’s just become a non-combatant? Why does she heal him after? Why is she trying to reach out to the spirits of past jedi? Why did she Do That after she wakes up in the end? Why did she then seem to not even care that Kylo died right after? None of this is explained. Show, don’t tell, is great, but you can’t just make massive leaps like that. I didn’t get it. None of this felt like the character I’ve gotten to know over the last few years, nor did it feel consistent within the movie itself

That said, I want to discount one complaint I’ve seen: I got no impression she’s exiling herself on Tatooine at the end. It’s very clear she’s just doing a quick funeral ritual for Luke and Leia. The Falcon is still there, ready for when she’s done. I don’t get where the ‘she’s all alone in the desert again forever and ever’ comes from because it’s clear she’s not. It’s just a private ceremony (plus obvious fanservice). That’s it

For Finn: I liked that his character got to be a lot cooler here. I’m sad that he didn’t get half the attention and plot he deserved, but at least he wasn’t treated as a joke and a coward. My tlj complaint for Finn was that he went through the exact same arc he did in tfa over again; here, he doesn’t. He’s clearly grown into himself. That I liked. But damn, he was supposed to be a main character and he really got sidelined hard. It’s also very clear finnrey was planned at some point but didn’t end up in the final cut. The tease with that felt cruel tbh. He deserved to get to tell Rey he loved her on screen

And Poe: Poe was okay in this one. He felt to me like a different character in tfa and tlj, but this one managed to mesh the two characterizations well. He’s a bit of a hothead who doesn’t think (tlj), but he also really cares about people and is trying his best to lead (tfa). That was very successfully done. However. Poe is the one character with the most backstory. He’s got novels, comics, all of it. Where in the fuck is this history of being a spice runner in all that??? Sketchy as hell to make your one Latino character being a drug runner but you know. It also felt like a HUGE retcon of the one character that actually has fully revealed backstory. Also his thing with Zori was just weird and forced and exhaustingly heterosexual. Completely pointless tbh

As I was rereading this, I realized I forgot Rose but really, that’s because she does pretty much nothing. She has very few lines, never comes along. It’s like they forgot she was there. Or just didn’t care. It was really sad and a huge disrespect to everything KMT has gone through. Both her and her character deserved more

For Hux: I liked the 2 scenes I mentioned above, but other than that I was disappointed. I said this on twitter already, but the biggest crime they committed was getting rid of his fanaticism. Tlj may have turned him into a joke, but at least he was still a zealot. Here, it’s clear he gave up his last fuck like a year ago. It’s 9 am and he’s had 6 glasses of wine because he’s lost the will to live and it’s all pointless. Might as well fuck around and give the Resistance info that might lead to the end of everything he’s worked for his entire life because nothing matters and at least Kylo will lose. That’s dumb and violently ooc. I get him being a traitor to Kylo, I am DOWN for that, but not to the FO. He cares about the FO. He is fanatically devoted to the FO. That was ridiculous and wildly out of character. Also the FO is just gone in favour of Palpatine’s fleet as soon as Hux dies? What happened to them? Are they still out there? Who even knows? WHAT A FUCKING WASTE

Also Pryde? Fuck that guy and fuck JJ/LF/Disney for thinking it’s okay to have an old imperial kill Hux. Especially since the visual dictionary today confirmed Pryde knew Brendol and our Hux had known him for years. The possible implications are gross as fuck. If anyone was going to kill Hux one on one, it should have been Finn (with a wonderful stormtrooper rebellion arc involved) for the sake of both characters. I’m personally going to choose to believe Hux was wearing a blaster proof vest (thank you, Delilah Dawson, for putting those into Black Spire as canon) and faked his death. He’s living in blissful exile with Millie now or rebuilding the actual FO and ready to take over as the Emperor he deserves to be

Oh and Leia’s scenes did feel weird. I appreciate them trying to incorporate her, but it didn’t quite work. I feel like having her be offscreen yet present would’ve worked better than most of what they used. Some worked better than others though. I also have some Thoughts about her death but I’m about to get into the second half of the movie stuff and I’ll cover that there

Now Kylo. My darling, sweet, disaster boy. So. Okay. I knew no matter what happened his end would be controversial. And I have a lot of feelings on redemption arcs that can be distilled into one thing: if they’re written well, I like them, no matter how much bad the character has done; however, they are almost never written well enough. One of the first things I said coming out of tfa back in 2015 is ‘that’s going to be a disappointing redemption arc in a few years’. It was never about what ending I wanted (I actually favour something more grey than simply ‘oh he’s good now’ or ‘dies evil’, but that was way too ambitious for them to attempt so I never bothered to hope for it), because I knew it was coming. So this didn’t really bother me beyond the fact that it was too sudden. I do blame that partially on tlj, because it took Kylo from conflicted and torn apart to ‘yeah, I’m in charge now’, but I still think this was not the way to do it. Anyway. I have a 2k word rant somewhere about redemption arcs and when they work and when they don’t that I never posted and this is the much, much shorter version of that

Also. Okay. One more thing on this. So I usually don’t like redemption arcs because they’re written badly, but my least favourite redemption arcs are those that end in death. The only one I can think of that actually worked was Vader’s, but it doesn’t work as well with Kylo. Why? Because redemption is about making amends, not being punished. It’s about choosing to stop doing bad shit and instead to do good things to make up for what you’ve done. In self-sacrifice, not only does it send the message that the only path to redemption is death, but also it means you do literally one thing and then die. That’s it. One good deed, die, you’re done. That’s too fucking easy. True redemption is waking up every single day, for the rest of your life, and continuing to choose to do good. You know that evil is easier, feels better; you’ve done it. But you’re making the choice to keep doing good and to make amends instead. And you do that for years. Decades, even. That is SO MUCH harder to do than just one good thing and then immediately dying without showing if that change is lasting or not. That is how redemption is achieved: in making that choice not once, but again and again and again. So yeah. I didn’t like that. Death redemptions aren’t convincing to me because one choice is easy; consistently making that choice over the rest of your life is much, much harder

End of point: if they were going to redeem Kylo, he needed to live and work to make up for his past mistakes in order to make it impactful. It’s a damn shame he didn’t

Also: having Leia die for the sake of a man, son or not? FUCK THAT. And, even worse, if we follow the movie’s logic: Leia died trying to reach and save her son. Which lead to… him dying anyway?! Which means Leia’s death is meaningless and she died for literally nothing. Fuck that. FUCK THAT. What the fuck. That’s bullshit

Again on the redemption: Kylo just… kills his good friends the KOR without a shred of hesitation? Also the KOR literally never speak? And Kylo says literally one word (‘ow’) after the redemption? I admit, it was fun watching him fight and also watching him get hurt. If I ignore the context of it, watching him crawl out of the pit, scrabbling on the ground, so hurt he can’t even stand up? Fuck. That was good shit tbh. Also those big, desperate puppy eyes. They’re even worse with him as Ben instead of Kylo. Bravo to Adam for playing such a convincing sad boy. I hate that his scar got healed though; I liked it

Now. The whole ending and the plot stuff. Rey being a palpatine is… okay. Fine. I don’t like it but whatever. Seems like an unnecessary excuse to bring him back. Also Luke and Leia knowing? How? Luke knew Rey for literally 1 day. And how would Leia know? And why not tell Rey, who was so desperate for answers to her past when they thought Palpatine was dead? It makes no sense. It’s just very unnecessary. Not to mention the line “you’re a palpatine” is not a thing any real human being would ever say, jfc that was clumsy and unrealistic dialogue. I don’t mind Rey going a bit dark for some time, but this was not the way to do it. Also I was really hoping for a resolution beyond ‘dark siders dead, light sider alive’ because the dichotomous nature of the Force MAKES NO SENSE. Balance is needed. Leaving the only Force user alive a light sider means something dark will come again for the sake of it – Rey should’ve gone grey and tbh tfa made me hope this trilogy would end with all surviving Force users grey. So that was disappointing

Now. The kiss. Straight up: I do not ship it. I don’t mind if other people do, but I do get touchy when they go out of their way to prove there’s nothing inherently problematic about it. I ship kylux; it’s problematic as hell. That’s a good part of why I like it. So I’m fine with r*ylo shippers as long as they do the same. Problem is: most don’t and go around insisting it’s actually the highest romance possible while leaning on incredibly misogynistic and racist tropes to prop up that argument rather than accept their ship has some questionable parts to it (like kyluxers do). It’s more a problem with the fandom for me than it is the ship in theory. Still, I don’t like it and that’s what matters for this

The fact of the matter is it felt extremely sudden and out of place. The entire first half of the movie is Kylo being an aggressive, creepy asshole to Rey. I can theoretically entertain the idea of Kylo having feelings for her (though I don’t), but I cannot see the other way around, not when Rey has so many kind, wonderful people around her. Which is why this feels so weird. There was not enough build to it. I saw a cam clip off reddit before I went in, so I had accepted it was happening but I expected a lot more lead up to it to make it not seem so sudden. None of that was there. There was no build up or reaching of understanding so it reads exactly like those versions of it I dislike: there is nothing wrong with a man berating you and insulting you and attacking you and you should love him for it. That is not enemies to lovers. That’s just abusive bullshit

And then the death. Both of them. Rey dies from… what exactly? It’s never shown at all. And same with Kylo. The leaks said it was Force exhaustion, which a) why? And b) that’s not clear in the damn movie. You need to explain things!!!! And also that means Leia, Luke, Kylo, and Rey all died (even if one didn’t stick) from using the Force too hard. Meanwhile Darth Maul survives getting cut in half and Palpatine survives falling down a shaft in a space station that explodes 2 minutes later (and, you know, all the wacky Force shit he did in this movie too). The fuck? It’s dumb. I hate it

Also the dyad thing was weird. I know the early leaks had it more explained, then the leaks said they cut it, but now it looks like they left in 3 lines of dialogue with it and cut the rest. Again, explanations people! This is not a thing in previous canon! Maybe in the EU, but that’s not canon anymore! The fuck!!!! The idea is dumb and forced to begin with, but the execution made it worse

And now for the final, largest criticism I have. A confession: I am not a star wars fan by nature. I’ve always liked them, but I preferred other sci-fi more. I’m more of an invasive species who forcibly carved my way into this fandom ecological niche because I really loved Kylo lmao. But if there is one thing star wars is defined by, I don’t think it’s love or family or any of those common themes people say. It’s hope. That’s the thing star wars does well. Even when things are darkest, it keeps the hope alive and it makes you feel that. Good will triumph. There is reason to believe in heroes, even when they stumble

This movie is not hopeful. Rogue One, a masterful tragedy, still manages a message of hope despite every single lead character dying. This one doesn’t. And tbh, I think tlj missed on this a bit too (a lot of talk about having hope, not a lot of showing us reasons to be hopeful), but it was still there. Tros does not feel hopeful. The Skywalkers are all dead. Rey has decided to download the legacy (why? No idea! The whole message was ‘don’t be afraid of who you are’ and she just then decided to become someone else? Makes no sense!!!). Anakin’s sacrifice meant nothing because Palpatine came back (and it is CRIMINAL we never got an Anakin and Kylo scene). Han and Leia’s and even Luke’s (a bit) deaths meant nothing because yeah, Kylo turned back in the end, but then he died anyway. They all gave their lives to save him and it was all for nothing. He’s still dead. Palpatine is gone and so is his fleet, but what about the FO fleet? Are they still out there? Are there brainwashed stormtroopers still trapped in its clutches (also, they were so close with Jannah and Finn to adding depth here, but nope, the stormtroopers are still cannon fodder in every fight scene even though they’re literally slaves!!!!)? Who knows!

This movie only feels conclusive in that so many characters we love are dead. That’s it. There’s more questions than answers and so much left unresolved. There’s no sense of hope in it. There’s barely a sense of victory. It’s not satisfying. Even the celebration at the end feels weird and like it’s trying to force you to be happy. The jedistormpilot hug was good, but the lesbian kiss was such a cheap attempt at trying to appease people calling for representation. The moment with Lando and Jannah at the end was probably the most hopeful part of the movie and neither of them are lead characters

Idk. I know this is pretty negative. But I didn’t really enjoy this movie. Some parts were fun, or funny, or exciting, or emotional. But overall? No. This was not a satisfying conclusion for any of these characters, either the new or the old. They missed. Hard. Not one character was truly done justice. And it’s disappointing. But it’s over now and I have no intentions of letting it dictate my fandom activities. I’m just going to pretend it didn’t happen and call it a day

[saltyslack-toast]

#Knock The Book 2: The Devil All the Time

WELL, I MADE IT TO THE 2nd BOOK REVIEW OF MINE, MEANS THAT I’M A PASSIONATE AND PERSISTENT BITCH, PERIODT. No actually I’m just bored and got really nothing to do, so here I am making judgmental, invalid and uncritical book review just to ease my guilt for doing nothing at home (just so my mom see me working through my laptop).

Okay The Devil All the Time is actually my first English book. The story of how I got this book as a matter of fact is quite irritating and funny at the same time. My uni friend, she saw this book in a modest book bazaar near her hometown. She was reading the title and the word ‘devil’ just remind her of me, she bought it and just gave it straight to me…... I’m sad but like thankful???

It’s a secondhand and hardcover book but I don’t really mind, considering the fact that the quality is still very nice though, except the worn spots stained all over the cover that make the book looks very old. My friend bought this only for RP 25.000, yes dude you’re not misread this shit, it was THAT CHEAP (whoever sell and own this book before me, I really appreciate it). Although if you want to buy the new one, you can get this book for USD 26.95 which converted in rupiah would be RP 407.500, yeah its cost pretty fancy for broke students like us and I don’t know if the book’s supposed to be available in your local bookstore but I think you can find it in worldwide shipping online store like amazon or any other shop perhaps. The book’s cover illustrate a dying white mutt hanging on the ‘log’ and bunch of cross everywhere, the cover is actually make sense when you read the book. It published in 2011 by doubleday in United States of America. The Author is Donald Ray Pollock, and you can find the sum information about his background written on the cover, but based form the book’s cover you can also check his website in donaldraypollock.com but when I checked, I’m not sure if it’s really his website since it just like pest control website (LMAOO I HAD NO IDEA FR). Anyway,

Let’s go breaking down the book!

“… Too much religion could be as bad as too little, maybe even worse, but moderation was just not in her husband’s nature”

The whole story in this book, basically give you portraits regarding the life of lunatics in the time after WWII. Nope, there is no sums up about the events happened in that moment so chill y’all non-historical enthusiast bitches. This book gonna give you a bizarre experience reading it, the first 10 pages of this book was already psychedelic, I assure that shit. Have you watched Games of Thrones series on HBO? It’s chilling right how Ned Stark, the protagonist of the main series died in the first season???? EXACTLY that was the vibes u got after reading the first chapter and get crazier every time u read forward. By the way, this book embodied 7 chapters and 55 sub-chapters, the chapter in odd and even numbers has 2 different main focuses on each characteristic exist, here I sum it up for you:

On the odd numbers chapters (1, 3, and so on), the central story of these chapters is circling among the family of Willard Russel, his Mom Emma and Uncle Earskell and also those 2 insane peeps Roy Laferty and Theodore. Willard Russel used to be a navy army and a bit skeptical dealing with religion issues just like his uncle, but his mom has always been a devoted worshiper. Willard married to the beautiful and kind-hearted women named Charlotte and they was given a son named Arvin Eugene Russel, everything was normal until Charlotte got sick and Willard gone crazy praying to god for his wife’s recovery and poor little Arvin has to suffer the predicament by his own self. Their stories always give me religious-fanaticism-gloomy vibes (is that even make sense??). Don’t even get me started with the life stories of the two brutes-ass man, Roy Laferty and Theodore they were used to be ‘preacher’ in Emma and young Willard’s Church. Nothing I could say further because it’s gonna be a major spoiler for you, but their stories really giving you insights of how frustration and fanaticism allow people to do something beyond their common sense.

“You remember what I told you the other day?” He asked Arvin

“About the boys on the bus?,”

“Well, that’s what I meant, you just got to pick the right time”

On the even numbers chapters (2, 4, and so on), the main tales is pertaining on the journey of Handerson couple, Carl and Sandy. They were like the Bonnie and Clyde but sad and exploitative version in this book. Carl is a ‘photographer’ and sandy working as a waitress in a café called Wooden Spoon (Which the place where Charlotte used to work as a waitress and the place she met Willard for the first time as well). During summertime they got this ‘ritual’ ((but not in a religious way)) where they drive to different states and give a ride to the hitchhikers found on the way, then Carl forcefully offer them to fuck Sandy for free (HIS OWN WIFE) while he took pictures of them fucking and after that Carl kill them and take all the money those hitchhikers got in their pocket (dude I can’t even judge anything). But to be honest, I’m not a fan of these two characters because they were all so ANNOYING to death. And then there is Bodecker Lee who’s a police and also Sandy’s brother, ok that’s it, I’m not gonna give you any spoilers.

“… He went down the street and sat on a bench in a park the rest of the day thinking about killing himself instead. Something broke in him that day. For the first time he could see that his whole life added up to absolutely nothing…”

You might be confused since there are quite a lot of keen characters in this book but there’s a point where all these bitches are relating to each other, so chill y’all impatient gripe-ass. Overall, the flow of the story is undoubtedly interesting for you to keep going throughout the whole story, because every phase gonna make you wondering about next things happened to them. But, the transitions among every chapters is quite uncomfortable for me, because sometimes when the story has reached its climax there is no resolutions coming to solve the problem immediately, and you’re faced to read the new chapter with a whole different setting and characters so it’s kind of ruining the vibes and emotions the book has made me, but again this just my personal preference so please don’t judge (while everything I did right now is judging inaccurately).

“He realized that he would never preach again, but that was all right. He’d never been much good at it anyway. Most people just wanted to hear the cripple play”

However, what I like the most from this book is the deepening of every character exists is so fascinating, even for just the side or supporting character (for god sake I’m sorry idk what to called a character that isn’t the main one), for example a bus driver in Meade, Ohio which Willard talked to when he was on the way home after the war ended, the narration wrapped and portraits the driver’s life perfectly without make us bored, and there’s still a bunch of interesting narration about the life of the side characters in this book that also as odds and intriguing as the main character’s background (jesus, everything happened and everyone in this book is just so strange and peculiar I swear to god). The story finished in a most tragic-beautiful but still gloomy way, even though it’s quite predictable but still a very good closing for me personally. To be noted, on the way to the end of the story, there will be emerge another asshole priest character named Preston Teagardin, ready to shake you up until you finish the book. But still, let’s said this particular ‘last minute character’ has proving that the author is paying so much attention of how the story ended isn’t leaving any 'rush-made' impression (this shit might confused you I’m sorry my English hasn’t got any better *sorry hand sign* *sorry hand sign* *sorry hand sign*). # hashtag attention to the detail bro.

Holy crap, that’s the first time I’m almost able to cut all the bullshit I intend to bring it up here.

This book is one of my top 5 books that you have to read once in a life time (although I haven’t discover the other four, omg im sorry y’all). Little information for you that the first time I read this book (yeah I read it for quite few times) is when the campaign of presidential election era, which in Indonesia the religious are pretty sentimental issues, some of the people in my country suddenly became those annoying fanatical preachers, man I can’t stand it. And this book is just precisely relating to that condition and I get to know at least a glance of what the heck odds things happened in their minds, since you know fanaticism and stupidity doesn’t hit only on particular group of religions, race, gender or anything, we can all be stupid and brainless (especially me because I basically have no brain). There probably quite many scenes that is pretty disturbing to read (I don’t know if people could be triggered by it???? But I guess so) so yeah a bit warning. Overall, I genuinely recommend this book for you guys because every element in this book is almost perfect, the storylines, bold characters, and the RARE AND STRANGE AND SENSITIVE topic promote by the author in this novel is totally a BOOM. Don’t worry reading this book not going to give you those agnostic and atheist vibes HAHA chill I still consider myself a devoted Muslim tho (hashtag masyaallah ukthi).

By the way before I wrapped it up, I hear that this book will be made into a netflix film. WELL, of course I’m excited because the casts are so amazing, and I love Netflix adaptation and I enjoy watch movies as much as I read books (again, unnecessary information of mine *sorry hand sign*). I found that the release date is postponed from the origin plan in 15th May (which is three days ago from I posted this on my page) due to I don’t know perhaps corona because that bitch has ruined everyone in the world’s schedule, but for real I can’t find the exact information regarding to the updated release date, so while you wait the film to launch, why don’t you just go read the book first? I assure you this one not gonna give you any disappointment.

I think that would be it for this 2nd rubbish book review of mine. Although, I think I made a little progressive from the first one (OR MAYBE NOT???? I’M SORRY Y’ALL) but of course there’s still much deficiency I served. Still, I hope my writing get better in the process of making this whole novel of reviewing book inaccurately. To be honest, I wrote this shit not for getting any engagements or audience but for my own satisfied HAHA. So yeah I’m literally comfortable writing for nothing. But bitch guess what I’m just gonna keep going, until I could professionally writing and make it for a living? Well, amen for that.

Xiao, See you in Advance!

[rydenstories]

My Worst Failure as a CPS Worker: The Hall Case

REDDIT

Working for CPS is a sad job, but it's normally not as bad as everyone thinks.

Sure, there are the obviously depressing parts. The whole reason we have to intervene is because something internally destructive is hurting the family dynamic. At the same time, we get to work with these families and do a lot of good. In fact, with the proper counseling, we remove far less children and see more families healed. It's not uncommon that a person is only a poor parent because it's all that they know. People learn.

There are situations that are out of our hands, though, that are the worst. Those ones where no matter how much you help, you just feel like something higher is at play. You find yourself feeling like you're just waiting to clean up the mess.

In our branch, management has always tried to even out cases as much as possible. They wanted to be sure nobody became overwhelmed. Still, there were certain social workers with us that were more pressed to get the job done than the others. "Case-closers." I used to be one of them until recently, with an unsolvable case that's nearly ruined my life.

For privacy reasons, we'll just call this the Hall Case.

It didn't start out abnormal. It was challenging, sure. 8 year old kid being pulled back and forth between a nasty divorce in process. Two whackjob parents, neither of which seemed fit to care for themselves, let alone their daughter. Still, that's not something at all uncommon with us. This particular case had just run for a very long time.

One misconception about CPS workers is that we make the final decisions regarding what happens in these cases. Really, we're just mediators. Here to gather the information in a direct setting, make observations, and report back to those in charge.

I wish it were how it is in films. Reading a file and report isn't the same as observing damage in real time. If I had the choice, I would've placed the little girl with a temporary foster within weeks. Instead, her parents guarded her like a prized gem and fought to near violence to keep her as long as they could. One parent would get their two weeks with the child and we'd have to threaten to intervene when she finally needed to go back to the other.

Things changed when the father, Mr. Hall, was arrested in an unrelated criminal drug case. This gave Mrs. Hall free reign to keep the child as long as she wanted. I guess was partially relieved, knowing at least one of them was away from the child. It also meant I could focus on monitoring just one parent.

However, this is where things begin to get strange.

Mrs. Hall calls me on the day of her scheduled counseling appointment with a question about possibly switching to an alternative counselor. I explained that they'd have to be approved by me and any non-CPS counseling has to be monitored by the case-worker (myself) for a month or so before they can go unattended. She seemed glad but... unconcerned? Like a very "sure, yeah, whatever" attitude.

However, when I tried to meet her at the address she gave for the next counseling session, she and the girl weren't there. The building on the property was a church called "Church of Milcom" that seemed recently occupied but was then empty. It didn't seem that strange to me, in the moment. Churches hold counseling sessions. Maybe we got our times mixed up, I worried. Still, I had to report that they missed the counseling session, which didn't look good for Mrs. Hall.

The next session came and went with no word. Two more days and my superiors sent me to check on the house. Empty, car gone. An elderly neighbor strolled across the lawn as I was leaving and explained that he hadn't seen either of them in a while, likely since the last I spoke to her.

With the evidence mounting, we finally got the local police involved and put out an alert. It seemed very likely that Mrs. Hall had run off with the child. I hated when it came to things like this, but at least it was certain that she would finally be arrested and the little girl would be placed somewhere safe.

Despite all of this seeming very clean cut, I couldn't shake that church out of my head, so I started to do some research. The building was owned by the city but wasn't supposed to be inhabited by anyone, let alone a seemingly fully established church just from a glance. Stranger still, there was no record of a "Church of Milcom" anywhere in the city, state, or country. I brought this up to my superiors, but for some reason, it was left out of the proceedings.

The most helpful tip came surprisingly from Mr. Hall, though not immediately and not directly.

Initially, it was a natural step in the process to go question him in jail, he was the first person we came and saw, but his estranged wife had seen to it that he wouldn't have a clue where they'd go. He said that she'd changed so much over the several months that they were separated, he couldn't fathom where she'd take their daughter. Meanwhile, it seemed like some time behind bars really woke him up, and he seemed more concerned for his daughter than ever before.

For weeks, things stayed the same. We got dozens of false tips and strange individuals trying to claim some involvement. Nothing came of any of it.

When a call came from the jailhouse that they'd possibly recorded a call between Mr and Mrs Hall, we rushed down to hear the recording.

The conversation starts our casual, him clearly not wanting to alarm her. He gently asks her where she's gone. Her air is light and unbothered as she explains that her new church had them on an important trip. She promised she would come back better than ever before. This clearly worried Mr. Hall, the statement lacking the mention of their daughter, which he brings up. There's a long pause on the other end before she gleefully replies that their daughter is going to help in the most wonderful way.

Mr. Hall can't hold his composure anymore and begins to sob, which isn't what Mrs. Hall wants to hear, causing her to hang up.

It was a very strange and very sad exchange. Apparently, after the call, they had to move Mr. Hall to a different area of the jail as he was inconsolable.

Meanwhile, I reported this back to my superiors who, unshockingly at this point, did very little with the information. Their report reflected the religious fanaticism but wouldn't acknowledge the Church of Milcom's involvement at all. Without this information, I knew somewhere inside that nobody would be able to find them.

I started to lose hope as the days went on. We got a call from the jail that Mr. Hall was having nightmares about his daughter. These nightmares made him entirely certain that she was already dead, causing him to lose hope. He was moved to a psychiatric facility to be kept on suicide watch.

This case unsettled me to no end. I couldn't give my other cases the proper attention. I couldn't focus in my personal life. Meanwhile, I was terrified to admit that I had begun to have nightmares as well. This poor little girl, screaming at me from within raging fire. It was almost too much to stand.

I still don't know how she got my personal number, but I was snapped out of one of these nightmares by the ringing of my cellphone. Without really bothering to check the caller ID, I answered to be greeted by Mrs. Hall. All of her certainty and cheerfulness from the jailhouse phone recording was gone, replaced by fear and confusion. She spat near nonsense at me through ugly, unstifled sobs. From the mess, I pulled the information that she was at home.

I put her on mute for a moment as I retrieved the landline from it's base, calling the police and then my superiors to get permission to go to the scene. Afterwards, I got dressed and rushed towards the house.

The police were only just arriving on the scene, awaiting my own arrival to accompany them inside the house. The front door was already partially open and Mrs. Hall sat in a disheveled mess on the couch, still weeping into her phone as if I were still on the other end. However, as she realized that we were inside the room, she jumped up with overwhelmed excitement, sobbing even louder as she threw herself into my arms.

Immediately, there was a lot that was very different about this woman. Although her face was seized up in fear, I could tell that her skin was much smoother and cleaner. Hair that was damaged from years of chemical processing was now silken and new. She even had a bright new set of teeth. Even though she seemed to have lost her mind, Mrs. Hall could've passed as 15 years younger.

It was difficult getting full words out of her, but she didn't need to tell us where the girl was. The police had already slipped past us to check out the rest of the house, and they were indicating toward a back bedroom door that was sealed shut with broken pieces of wooden furniture and nails. There was an awful smell coming from the other side, which put a pit in everyone's stomach but also pushed them to remove the boards quicker.

This is when Mrs. Hall lost it. She tore away from me and began barreling towards the officers in the hallway, screaming for them to stop. She was detained and removed as the final board was removed from the door. Before it could even be sat down, the bedroom door opened from inside.

A foul smelling 8 year old appeared in the doorway, asking if she was allowed to come out now.

There was something strange and casual in her tone that would have felt slightly off if we weren't all so shocked and relieved to see her. I led her out and it should have been the end of everything.

I wish it was.

Initially, both parents were in separate psychiatric facilities, and we really didn't have much to go on. Besides, the case seemed pretty cut and dry to anyone besides myself. There were things I still wondered and worried about, like the Church of Milcom. I wasn't able to get anyone to hear me out, even when the elderly neighbor I'd talked to earlier had gone out of his way to let the authorities know that a grey bus full of people dropped the mother and daughter off that day.

Meanwhile with nobody to care for the Hall girl, we had no choice but to place her with a foster family. The family asked us within two days to begin looking into other options for her and straight brought her back after four.

First and foremost, she smells terrible. The stench of rotten meat has continued to permeate from this girl. More-so, she's just... scary.

At first, she confronted me about the nightmares. It was so casual, I barely caught what she'd said. She had to repeat herself twice; "the nightmares are never going away." Afterward, she continued with the conversation like nothing but I was too shaken to finish speaking with her. It was true, the nightmares hadn't stopped. I still had horrible dreams about this little girl engulfed in flame. It always seemed like she was saying something, but I could never hear her over the roar of flames. Either way, she somehow knew.

It became more serious, to me, when I found her with burnt photographs, which she claimed she'd stolen from another CPS worker's cubicle. There were still cinders falling from the burnt edges, but I couldn't find any sign of matches or a lighter and she wouldn't have had enough time to hide them.

The idea of taking some time off sounded better and better with each passing day. I even started to talk with another caseworker about possibly transferring the Hall case over to him yesterday evening. As if the universe was intervening, my superiors called me into their office with an emergency. The Hall girl disappeared from her current foster home. Even worse, one of her foster brother's was badly injured.

I wasn't allowed to attend on this scene, though I wasn't given a reason why. I was luckily able to convince the coworker who had been there to show me some of the photos she'd taken. At first, I couldn't honestly tell what had happened. This poor kid's neck looked like cooked ham. Only upon closer inspection did I notice the finger impression. Adult finger impressions, literally burnt into this poor child's neck.

I'm not sure if my superiors found out about me seeing these photos, or if everything had just come down the point of blaming me for not preventing any of this, but I was put on indefinite leave this morning.

The boy is in a coma and can't explain what happened, and the Hall girl is still missing. They're treating it as a kidnapping, linking the burns to an unidentified assailant. Now, with everything coming together, I'm entirely sure that's not what happened. It doesn't matter what I think though, at least not at this minute.

I know that when I go to sleep tonight, the nightmares are going to continue. This case.... I don't want to give up on it, but I'm terrified. I'm also not entirely sure this little girl is done with me. I have lots more research to do, I just hope I can go back to helping people after this.

[thespacequail]

Darling in the Franxx (ep. 15)

HOLY FREAKING...well, that certainly was a LOT that happened in only 24 minutes.  A lot of plot threads, a really good fight scene, a lot of new questions, but most importantly that thing where the OP plays during the climax, amazing.  There’s a lot going on here, I’ll probably miss some, but I’ll try. *warning* This is a very long post.

>”Don’t worry Hiro, we’ll be fine.”  All I’m thinking at this point is cut to black, Always Sunny in Philadelphia theme playing, “The gang fucking dies.”  It was a pretty good scene though, it showed me at least how much more I care about the cast now than I did back in episode 6, which if from “not at all” to “if you kill any main characters I will cry”.

>Huh, so the Nines have the guys and girls in swapped positions, that’s interesting, the guys also have holographic horns that look like 02′s, veeeerrry interesting...  But like, are they bad guys?  Are they neutral? What’s their angle here?  Every time they show up, they just raise more questions.

>Yup, all those dudes at the end of last episode got sucked dry by 02 (*lenny face*), Dr. Franxx you are still one sick puppy, but it’s hard to tell what your end goal is here, you may act like you care about 02′s well-being, but I don’t buy it, you have some ulterior motive and I WILL FIND IT. Eventually.  When it’s served up for all to see on a silver platter.  BUT THEN I WILL KNOW FOR SURE WHAT YOU ARE ON ABOUT!

>So Papa and his marry group of fucks are still being cryptic as all hell, what wish do they want that needs control of the Gran Crevasse? The heck is a Hringhorni? By pests do you mean Klaxxosaurs, humans, children, all of the above?  I don’t get it.  But the cut away to Streliza when Dr. Franxx says he wants a front row seat, now thats good editing.

>Now this is a good fight scene! Bright colors, understandable positions of every combatant, not breaking the 180* rule, even the CG wasn’t bad.  Where was this quality of animation earlier?  Doesn’t matter, we got to see everyone be badass and that’s good for me.

>And now for your requisite Plot ex Machina, an even bigger Klaxxosaur that no one has even heard of.  *sigh* I mean, you already burned out the Guttenberg class, and power creep is a thing, this was inevitable...fine...I’m fine...it’s fine...fight a fucking mountain, at least it looks cool.  That panning side shot of the internals of the Plantation, now that was really cool looking, I paused the video to look closer at it, highly detailed for a shot only a second long, I respect that.  Then Papa tells the red shirts to kamikaze the thing, which is messed up, but it confirms the whole fanaticism thing people have for him, cause despite knowing they’re being told to die outright, they do it anyway, and of course it does effectively nothing at all, good fucking job, you killed a bunch of kids for no evident reason, but you don’t care do you? I’m talking to a brick wall here, let’s just move the fight to a new backdrop yeah?

>Whoa, those are some gnarly horns 02, you feeling ok?  Who am I kidding, we all know the answer is “utterly distraught but refusing to show it”, this is actually a really cool design evolution for her, I dig it, but more on that later.

>Slight tangent, how close is the Garden to the briefing room?  How long did it take Hiro to calmly get there while a freaking war was taking place? And the bit with the mirror...like, I get it, it’s symbolic, but it fell kinda flat for me, was that really the only kick in the pants you could think to get Hiro down there? And not to mention after taking his sweet time he goes out and finds a training drone to get to 02.  THE LAYOUT OF THE PLANTATION MAKE NO SENSE UNLESS THE FIGHT WAS GOING ON FOR HOURS ON END!  AND WHO LET HIRO CASUALLY USE THE ELEVATOR IN THIS TIME OF CRISIS!? *ahem* Right, back to the battle.

>Hey look, it’s that old lady from the Zorome episode!  She contributes nothing to this scene!  Ok, that’s not entirely true, her being there reminds us what Zorome is fighting for, and how his resolve to fight for the adults is probably more than just orders to him.  The framing is also really cool, gives some nice perspective on the size of the robots, and the lady watching as Zorome’s robot (I dont know the specific name, and yeah it’s Miku’s too, but this shot is about Zorome) is pretty poignant, provides some payoff for that episode.

>My man Goro!  Finally fed up with all the bullshit and taking control.  Letting Hiro and Ichigo work this out together was the best way to go about this, and he did it so well, and the bit with Zorome/Miku telling him to stop trying to act all cool was so appropriate for them, lightening the mood before things got heavy.

>And boy does shit get heavy.  The mind melding thing was cool, and would you look at that, Ichigo is not a bad character, she just had to be shown what her actions meant, seeing that was a hard pill to swallow, but needed.  I really like how 02′s thought captions mirror Hiro’s, but are distorted, capital letters and numbers thrown in at random, it works for her in the state she’s in.  Now the fight between them was cool, but let’s be honest, WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU DESIGN A ROBOT TO HAVE HAIR UNDER THE HELMET?  DID YOU EXPECT IT TO BREAK?  WHY DOES IT MOVE LIKE ACTUAL HAIR? EACH LOCK SHOULD BE THE SIZE OF A FREAKING SEDAN! *ahem* It’s just dumb, but whatever, helps distinguish her silhouette against all the Nines who’s robots look kinda similar.

>Before we get to the flashback of sad, it’s time for plot revelations! Yay!  Turns out the Klaxxo-cores are humans in some way!  Well that was...kinda unexpected, reminds me of the Anti-Spirals from Gurren Laggan a little bit.  I do like how the kids are trying to deny it, they don’t want to believe it’s possible, but here it is, right in front of your eyes.  And you know what else is in front of your eyes?  Papa blowing up Plantations to break the dome, cause he doesn’t give a fuck about any of you, that’s a fun pill to swallow and will definitely effect some character’s perceptions going forward.  “Release them from the cages of their bodies.”?  WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? THIS SCENE IS CREEPY AS ALL HELL MAN!

>FLASHBACK TIME! I AM EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE!  But I was right about the blood thing! Yes, it was obvious, but still right! GOD BABY 02 YOU ARE MAKING ME SAD! *unintelligible sounds of despair* It’s just a really good scene ok? Then her horns shattering? Beautiful.  This is EXACTLY what I want from these characters, their interaction was so raw and good and the kiss, AUGH!

>OH SHIT THEY’RE PLAYING THE OPENING!  OH SHIT TRUE FORM UNLOCKED! WOOOOOOO!  I am fully aboard the hype train here.  Ichigo’s single tear was good, I think she’s come to terms with the fact Hiro wants to be with 02, that they are in love and she has to let him go, it hurts, but it’s for the best.  Still not a huge fan of the bird metaphor, but I will take it here cause we got character growth out of it, and I like that.

>A giant...hand? And the Nines knew about it because of course they do.  That is one hell of a cliffhanger, I think we are reaching that point, the point in every Trigger show where the plot does a 180* and things get W E I R D, and I am so ready for that.

Ok, that went on way longer than expected, but they packed a whole heck of a lot in this episode, so I had a lot I wanted to talk about.  I think this show has definitely “gotten good”  and I am super excited to see them start answering some questions as to what in the hell is going on here.

[darkhymns-fic]

The Official Flowey Fan Club!

Flowey had gone through so many timelines, so many runs, that any thrill they once had were starting to wane. Still, there was one certain route Flowey had avoided to take for so long.

Welcome to the Flowey Fan Club.

Fandom: Undertale Characters: Flowey, Sans, Papyrus, Undyne, Alphys Rating: PG  Mirror Links: AO3 Notes: Happy Holidays to @cutecatdoodles! I was your Secret Santa for @undertalesecretsanta. I latched onto your ‘Flowey during one of his resets prompt’ and went a little nuts with it. Flowey is always a fun character to write for and the idea for this story just took over (at 7000 words..) I hope you like it!

He could do this again, if needed.

That’s how it always is though, isn’t it?

When Flowey passed traveled through the dim marshlands of Waterfall, he let his roots drag behind him. The dust that coated his petals became chalky withdue to the constant mist around him. It felt disgusting, nothing that an easy dunk in the nearby puddles couldn’t fix. But he stayed away, walking as best as a flower ever could. The view around the place was scenic; the soft pattering of the recycled rain, the glow of the echo flowers that stared out at him, their faceless heads mocking him with their whispers, and the glittering stars above – fake and worthless as they were.

Just like those stars, everything around him was a mockery. Right now it was nighttime, but the darkness was always present here. The waterfalls were not real phenomena of nature either, just the stream always being redirected back through the stones. There was no dark sky overhead, just miles of rock that none had hope of ever breaking through.

Flowey finally made it past the marshes to reach a stone path, but all was empty. Not even a stray Temmie vibrating by.

This run was already getting boring.

“I’ve already done everything else,” Flowey muttered to himself. Long, curling gnarled roots and vines bunched up behind him like a waiting beast, their nature as twisted as he was himself. The length of them was staggering, already taller than his small frame. No other monster could hope to match such genuine monstrosity. “How many ways do I need to kill them again before I get something different?!”

When making friends had lost its appeal, Flowey began to deal in death instead. But the reactions were already getting stale; the brief terror of that Snowdrake, the bunny woman’s empty shop, and the stare of a hooded figure in the distance.

Nothing Flowey had done ever prompted that figure to fight him. Not until the very end.

“I need a new strategy.” He thought about a certain something, a turn of events that he had been avoiding for so long before. “Ugh, but that…”

What a stupid idea. Only an idiot would ever think of that! And granted, the idea had been thought up by one such idiot, but that same idiot had at least given Flowey the most entertainment he could wring out of this bore of a world.

And out of so many endless runs, what harm could there be in trying it out? After all, he could always just RESET.

Not like that figure in the distance was going to do anything.

“Fine.” Flowey’s roots and vines then submerged into the ground, like a beast burrowing frantically into its den. Soil and stone flew into the air due to the force, the crunching sound deeply disturbing to literally anyone else. To Flowey, this was normal.

He had heard the silence, with its aftertaste of fear. He had heard the repetitive echoes of his own voice, bounding back to him from the meadows of blue flowers. He had heard the clattering of bones as they fell against polished tiles.

There are far worse things to hear.

He closed his eyes.

CONTINUE. RESET.

There were more monsters to kill. Undyne would be near the edge of Hotland if he continued ahead. But this timeline had nothing else going for him anymore.

Flowey smiled then, his face morphing into something that should not be seen. And luckily, no one would. They were either dead, or fled deeper into the Underground. But none of that mattered. He would make this next run count.

“This time, I’ll humor the idiot!”

RESET.

“ya ready?”

Flowey sighed, his petals already damp from the drizzling snow. But he kept on his smile, friendly and happy and oh so excited! “Of course! I’m ready for anything!”

“ok.” Sans placed his hand on the front door. Flowey ignored the lazy tread of the skeleton, as well as he ignored the full mailbox behind them both, which looked ready to topple over from its weight of envelopes. “just uh, don’t tell papyrus about me spoiling the surprise. guy’s been looking forward to it all week.”

Flowey slid a leaf over his mouth, mimicking a zippered-up motion. “My lips are sealed! Well, if I had any!”

“heh, nice.”

Once Sans turned back to the door, Flowey let slip the tiniest of frowns.

Just get this over with.

When he first heard of the idea, he had avoided this turn of events at all costs. But after doing the rest, what else did he have? So he chose this route, and would stick with it to the end. He took another deep breath, mentally preparing himself for what would come.

Sans opened the door to their home, and immediately, came a screaming voice.

“HELLO!” Papyrus waved erratically. Streamers and numerous other party favors fell out of his arms, the skeleton having promptly dropped them all to greet his brother and flowery friend. “WELCOME TO THE FLOWEY FAN CLUB!”

Flowey did all he could to not outright cringe at the sight.

Papyrus had gone completely overboard in the celebrations. The wallpaper was no longer a single color, but flower-patterned. Streamers covered the stairway railings, and the floor, and the television set, and also the couch. And there were party balloons everywhere. It was a fine array of gold and green that looked to have been vomited all over the skeleton’s living room just then. Flowey looked up to find what seemed to be a Flowey head piñata, face in a wide smile, so happy to be knocked around at any moment. There were also party snacks on the table by the couch – which mainly consisted of both burnt and frozen spaghetti, arranged in bowls, tin trays, small cups, and sometimes just wrapped up in napkins like some kind of fancy hors d’oeuvres. He was already getting nauseous.

Still, what caught Flowey’s attention the most was the mind-numbingly bright yellow banners that were stretched across the ceiling, each one in Papyrus’ unique handwriting. All were written in various ways of saying the same message, such as THE FLOWEY FAN CLUB! and FOR ALL FLOWEY FANS! as well as COME JOIN THE FLOWEY CRAZE (BUT ONLY IF YOU WANT TO!!) and there was also don’t have a stigma against us which was radically different- oh wait.

“SANS!” Papyrus placed bony hands on his bony hips, glaring down at the smaller skeleton that was now suddenly laying down on the couch. “YOU’VE RUINED MY SPECIAL DECORATIONS WITH YOUR VANDALISM.”

“just showing my own fanaticism for the weed, bro.”

Flowey decided not to take offense to that. Still standing before the door, where his roots could comfortably reach into the soil, he smiled at the tall skeleton. “This is amazing, Papyrus! You didn’t have to go through all this trouble for little old me!”

Papyrus’ eyes were shining from the praise. With quick reflexes, he brought out a flowerpot which also sported a logo of Flowey’s winking, smiling face, and brought it near Flowey so that he could enter their home. “NOTHING IS TOO MUCH TROUBLE FOR THE GREAT PAPYRUS! NYEH HEH HEH! AS WELL AS HIS BEST FRIEND, FLOWERY!”

“It’s Flowey,” Flowey corrected, hopping from Snowdin’s soil to the packed one in the flowerpot. “I mean, you got it correct on your banners, but, um, never mind! I’m really happy that you thought so much of me!”

Papyrus kept soaking in the praise. He was ridiculously easy to please, one thing that Flowey liked about him. It took very little effort from him to get positive reactions from the monster, and so many of them, too.

“AS MY BEST FRIEND, I HAD TO DO SOMETHING! A FAN CLUB TO TELL YOU HOW TRULY SPECIAL YOU ARE, AND ALSO MY CURRENT OBSESSION. BESIDES, YOU’VE NOT ONLY HELPED ME, BUT SO MANY OTHER MONSTERS IN THE UNDERGROUND, WHO I AM SURE ARE JUST AS OBSESSED WITH YOU, TOO.”

Sans agreed with a thumbs-up while he laid on the couch, eye sockets closed.

“Aw, shucks!” Flowey made sure to act all humble, face turned away in well-acted embarrassment. Too easy, really. (And the decorations were, in fact, plenty embarrassing). “Nothing’s more important than helping out your friends! It’s almost a shame they didn’t make it to this wonderful…” A party balloon had popped, its now deflated form falling on top of Flowey’s head. He continued to smile. “…Party.”

Now, the thing about Papyrus was that he was absolutely terrible at hiding his excitement. It’s why Flowey could already tell that the skeleton was setting up some surprise for him in the first place – only later confirmed when Sans told him straight away about it when asked.

Papyrus right now was acting just like that. His bones were rattling, and he hopped up and down his feet, his red scarf bouncing with the movement. His eye sockets continued to shine, emitting sparkles that floated over his skull.

“bro, you’re going to spill the beans.”

“NO BEANS HAVE BEEN SPILT, BROTHER.” Papyrus, however, continued to hop, and then even that was not enough. “OH, I CANNOT WAIT. I’VE BROUGHT ALL THOSE YOU HAVE HELPED OVER HERE AS WELL!”

Flowey had to take a second to parse the meaning of such words. “You did?”

“YES. ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS!”

Right on cue, the house seemed to explode with noise. “Surprise!!”

One of the doors from upstairs slammed open. Undyne had kicked it forcefully, pulling the door off its hinges, though Papyrus seemed to pay little mind. In her arms, she carried a blushing Alphys, who was looking every which way in fear. “NGAAH! Welcome to the Flowey Fan Club, nerd!”

The door next to Undyne’s entrance also slammed open. This was accompanied by frantic barking and howling. The entire Royal Guard was there, all of them scurrying around the upstairs area with boundless energy. Everyone except for Doggo, who turned his head at every telltale movement around him. “Hey! Too much moving!”

With less violence, some more monsters walked out of the kitchen area. Many of these, Flowey could indeed recognize. The failing comedian named Snowdrake and his sunglasses-wearing cousin, the tall orange monster with the clownish face and his scarf-wearing mousey friend, the bear and horse monster who were already going at it with political blabbering, the firey Heats Flamesman (and yes, he very much remembered that name. Hard to not after so many resets), and even a few from the hotel’s comedy club. Not that he ever liked going there in the first place, but he always made sure to make a pit stop during the more peaceful runs.

Then he felt a scuttering on his leaf. He looked down to find a tiny spider crawling on him, wearing an equally tiny party hat. Flowey shrieked and flung it away.

“Ahuhu! I apologize for my dearies. They’re just so excited to be part of this wonderful club.” Muffet descended down on an invisible thread from the ceiling, her many hands carrying her tea and pastries. Flowey looked to the floor where more of the spiders were dashing around. Ugh, he never liked these things…

“Wow! Howdy, everyone! And thanks again, Papyrus!” He said, a little overwhelmed. Okay, so he hadn’t really expected such a turnout. It had seemed like a lame thing that the equally as lame boneheads would make up. And besides, it’s not like Papyrus usually had any other friends to invite over, too. “I can’t believe so many came-“

The left wall suddenly crashed, followed by a square robot that went through the tear in the home that he had just made.

“OHHHHH YEEESSSSS! The fabulous and most talented Mettaton, here to spice up the Flowey Fan Club with his presence! All for you, darling!”

Flowey stared at the robot for a few seconds, blinking in deep confusion while the rest of the monster crowd cheered at the arrival of their most famous (and only) celebrity. He turned back to Papyrus.

“I can’t believe so many came by! And… for me!”

“NYEH HEH HEH! ALL BECAUSE OF THE GREAT PAPYRUS. ONCE I TOLD THEM THAT THIS CLUB WAS FOR YOU, EVERYONE SAID THEY WOULD JOIN! WOWIE! I CAN’T WAIT FOR WHEN YOU ALL COME TO MY COSTUME PARTY NEXT WEEK!”

There were several mutters around the room here and there, which were all vague assertions at politely declining the invitation.

“AND WE JUST WANT TO REPAY YOU FOR ALL THE GOOD THAT YOU’VE DONE.”

“Yeah, punk!” Undyne leaped off the second floor to land heroically to ground. Alphys opted to take the stairs instead. “I thought you were just a wimpy weed, but you’re a plant that packs a punch… of friendship!” She grinned her slightly scary grin. It always made Flowey itch with a little worry. “Seeing you help out that kid really proved to me that you care about everyone, even for a weird freak of nature!”

“Yo! You’re really great!” Flowey swiveled his head to see said monster kid, as armless and clumsy as always. Kid nearly faceplanted into a swarm of those disgusting spiders. “That speech about how you know what it’s like to be me, but without both arms and your legs! It really inspired me! I can definitely still be a cool hero for all monsters!”

Yeah, Flowey had figured some worthless words like that would help the dumb kid. He had figured out the trick on his fourth run through the Underground. It had the benefit of pleasing both Undyne and this brat.

“M-me, too!” Alphys finally made it down, panting from that legwork down the stairs. “Admittedly, I-I was a bit worried… about…” She shook her head. “B-but never mind! Knowing you also agree about Mew Mew Kissy Cutie and that garbage of a sequel helped me feel less alone about my opinions!”

Also simple to figure out. The fact that the scientist was willing to ignore his possible origins for the sake of her stupid anime was laughable. Third run.

Undyne then wrapped an arm around Alphys, grinning like mad. “And setting us up, ha! That was the best date ever!!! I knew I could count on you to give Alphys my letter!”

“Y-yeah! That, too!”

Another easy, if somewhat drawn out task. He would never get rid of the memory of those roleplay sessions with Alphys out of his head. Sixth run.

“And thank you for playing with us!” spoke Dogamy from above.

“(And for petting us and giving us treats!)” spoke Dogarresa.

“Bark bark! Woof!” spoke both Greater and Lesser Dog.

“What? Where is everyone?” spoke Doggo.

Yeah, the dogs were way too easy to figure out their quirks. First run.

“Also thank you for helping us repair that orphanage!” One random monster shouted from the kitchen crowd. Who was that again? “It was so selfless and kind of you!”

Well, yeah. He had already burned down that orphanage more times than he could count. Eighth run.

“Ahuhuhu! And your business smarts got me to rake in all the dough in Hotland. I should just hire you as a salesman already.”

All Flowey had to do was threaten one monster to go into Muffet’s parlor and never leave, so that he was forced to buy and buy all the spider donuts he could never hope to finish in entirety. Also third run.

“Thank you for finding my child in time before someone used him in their skipping stone game! Truly a hero!”

Twelfth run.

“And for helping my Bun-Bun out of a tree. I would have never got him out myself.”

Ninth run.

“The political forum you devised for us so that we can have calm and concise debate instead of berating one another for our perceptions really helped us pave the way to truly figuring out the political future of the Underground.”

Ugh, the bear talked too much. And Flowey had just been winging that one. Eighteenth run.

“and also…thank you for helping me make more music… now I have an album coming out that people keep telling me they’re excited about…” The shy ghost nearly faded into the flower-patterned walls. “oh no… i’m getting emotional again…”

Not like it was hard. Second run.

“And like, thanks for getting us tickets to Mettaton’s concert. It was such a blast, right, Bratty?”

“Well, duh, Catty! Also the V.I.P passes you scored for us were super cool! You the best, babe!”

Fourteenth run.

“…Thanks for helping me get the burgers out of my pants that time. And the second time.”

What a loser. Thirteenth run.

“Sweet darling! Your innovative ideas for my cooking show has helped shoot up my ratings! The competition against terrible contestants and their terrible ideas gets the viewers’ attention while also making me look even more fabulous in comparison.”

Sure, whatever. Tenth run.

He then saw Grillby walk forward, just a few inches from the crowd. He stood there silently, only giving a nod of approval.

…Okay, this guy, Flowey admitted, had been a challenge. Twenty-sixth run.

“yo and thanks for finding one of my socks.”

“That took way too long!” Flowey snapped out suddenly. Sans made no reaction, though he saw Alphys flinch with worry. “But, um, you’re welcome there, buddy! Who knew it was just right on your bed the entire time! Where you were sleeping on…all while I was looking for it. For three weeks straight.” Flowey twitched. “I’m glad to have helped you.”

That run had been embarrassing and for something so stupid. He didn’t want to remember that run number.

“OH, ALSO! ALSO!” Papyrus jumped up and down, still holding onto the flowerpot. Flowey had to ward off the coming motion sickness. “WE DID SOMETHING ELSE, TOO!”

“Oh?”

Undyne was wearing that scary grin of hers again. “We also… all got fan club t-shirts, heck yeah!”

With that, nearly everyone ripped off their outer clothing (or… whatever else if they weren’t wearing anything) to showcase what they wore underneath. They were indeed fan club t-shirts; complete with a winking, smiling Flowey head, giving the V for victory sign with one of his leaves. The words FLOWEY FAN CLUB were printed on the shirt with some kind of obnoxious font.

Papyrus was in such a hurry to show off his own shirt that he nearly upended Flowey’s pot to take off his battle body costume. But he succeeded, showing his Flowey Fan Club ensemble – but with one minor difference.

“AS THE LEADER OF THE FAN CLUB, I GOT MY OWN SIGNATURE LAPEL!” He pointed to said lapel; again with the Flowey head, perched on his shirt like a treasured badge. It had been made rather well.

Again, there was so much going on at once. But Flowey took a breath and said some practiced words.

“Oh, gosh, you guys!” He pretended to wipe a tear from his eye. “To think all of you care for me this much, to do all this! I couldn’t have asked for better friends!” He then faced Papyrus, the most idiotic of them all. “And thank you, Papyrus. I have to say, you starting this fan club for me is the kindest thing you have ever done for me! And I will never forget it!”

Cue the applause and the cheering. People loved cheesy stuff like that, and at least some of Alphys’ slice-of-life animes helped him form the core of his own lame-as-hell friendship speech.

Papyrus grinned, and then said, “ACTUALLY IT WAS ALL SANS’ IDEA!”

Flowey froze. “What.”

“I KNOW! I WAS SURPRISED, TOO! BUT SANS CAN TRULY COME UP WITH SUCH INNOVATIVE PLANS WHEN HE PUTS HIS MIND TO IT! HE DIDN’T ACTUALLY DO ANY OF THE WORK WITH THE ARRANGEMENTS, INVITATIONS OR ANYTHING, BUT HE DID GIVE ME THE INSPIRATION TO DO ALL THAT!”

“heh, yeah, after all,” sans said, pulling open his jacket to reveal the Flowey-printed t-shirt that everyone else sported, complete with the FLOWEY FAN CLUB lettering. “i’m a huge flowey fan.”

At that, Flowey had nothing to say. Sans’ face still had that same stupid grin. The shirt was already stained with ketchup and other foodstuff, but Flowey couldn’t even think up insults to himself.

Luckily, no one seemed to notice his speechlessness. Everyone was already moving on, setting up the games, the music, the food, and all sorts of entertainment. Grillby was using the kitchen to set up as his own bar, while Napstablook, Mettaton, and the timid Shyren were quickly arranging a stage to do a little music show for the teeming masses crowded in the skeletons’ home. Undyne was making due with the games part, going to the dining room table and challenging anyone to beat her at arm-wrestling.

Flowey barely noticed any of that. Sans had long gone back to sleep on the couch, yet the uneasiness remained.

The flower tried to ignore that. He looked around, noting so much motion and color, all of it accompanied by the loud commentary of Papyrus. Everyone was here for him. They, and Papyrus, and apparently even Sans, went to all this trouble to make him feel accepted.

…But he didn’t feel anything.

Anything at all.

All their praises for him felt like nothing.

As he thought on this, Papyrus continued to haul him around in his flowerpot, bringing him to each and every monster, just so they could tell him again about the great deeds he did.

“FLOWERY. YOU ARE INDEED A WONDERFUL PERSON.”

Flowey stared.

He thought back to the last run, where he had broken off each and every rib of Papyrus’ one by one, until he finally disintegrated into dust.

He thought back to Undyne, done in by her own determination, denying her own death as he strangled her.

He thought back to Alphys, cowering in a corner of her lab, crying as the amalgamates deteriorated to puddles of goop and dust, and then screaming as he lumbered towards her with laughter.

He thought back to chasing that monster kid down in Waterfall, before finally making him fall off the bridge onto the sharp rocks below.

He thought back to Grillby, killing all of his patrons before his eyes, before taking a glass of water and throwing it at the bartender’s face, literally snuffing him out.

He thought back to the dogs, hearing them whimper as he took out each of the Royal Guard in the snows.

He thought about all of that.

And still, he felt nothing.

But that’s how it always is though, isn’t it?

“Darlings and gentledarlings! Do I hear an encore? For the eighth time this night!?”

Cheers erupted from every part of the home, even from the webs where all the spiders had quickly woven, their tiny bodies already dancing to the beat. Napstablook played the record, Shyren hummed a tune, and Mettaton glided about the hastily crafted stage, which took the spot of the television set, to everyone’s awe. Everyone’s except Flowey’s.

This fan club had long overstayed its welcome.

The problem with being in the house was that Flowey couldn’t just retreat back into the ground like when he was outside. The pot he was residing in severely limited him. That and Papyrus had not once set him down, where he could have at least maybe hopped over to a window. But no. The skeleton insisted on carrying him around, bringing him to each monster repeatedly, including his brother who still had not left his spot from the couch.

“ARE YOU ENJOYING THE FESTIVITIES?” Papyrus asked his friend.

Flowey once again smiled wide. “Oh, Papyrus, it’s amazing! I’ve never seen so many monsters in one spot!” The noise was killing him. Nothing sounded so nice as the suffocating, dark silence that was the ground beneath him.

“I HOPE YOU ALSO ENJOY THE PRIZES WE’VE ARRANGED FOR LUCKY CLUB MEMBERS TO WIN FOR. IN A DARING GAME OF FLOWERY FAN CLUB PUZZLES. I MADE THEM MYSELF!”

That piqued his curiosity, if not his long-gone happiness. “Prizes? That sounds so exciting! Like a free stay at the hotel?” Where the service sucks, the food was abysmal, and their comedy club’s jokes were so last year.

“it’s the merch.” Sans decided to intervene, body still sprawled and looking close to dead. (Well. Not surprising). “thinking about hosting up a flowey convention at some point to sell off the rest. gonna need you as a guest panelist. you know, for marketing.”

“YES. AS A FAN CLUB, WE HAVE TO SELL OUR FLOWERY MERCHANDISE TO ALL OF THE UNDERGROUND!”

“It’s Flow- wait, what do you mean?”

At that, Sans decided to finally rise from his slumber, already standing next to Papyrus suddenly. “gotta make some profit to at least break even from all the stuff we did today. good (heh) food, bad laughs, and nice friends don’t come cheap.”

Again, Flowey felt a little slow in catching up. “Profit?”

Sans nodded. “gotta give the people what they want. and that includes some good ol’ third quality merch. some mugs, some more t-shirts, some socks (those are my favorite), some plushies, some posters, and, oh yeah, some pillows, too. those are going to be our best-selling.” He winked. “guaranteed.”

Pillows didn’t sound that bad, but then he remembered he was talking to Sans. “What kind of pillows?”

“OH! OH! LET ME SHOW HIM, SANS. PLEASE?”

Sans made a shrugging motion. “sure.”

With that, Papyrus went to a conveniently nearby closet, still holding onto the flowerpot, and started to rummage through it. He took out what looked like a hefty and fluffy object in his free hand. “THESE BODY PILLOWS WERE DESIGNED BY DR. ALPHYS. NOW YOU TOO CAN RIDE MY RACECAR BED! IN MY DREAMS!”

And there was Flowey, printed on said body pillow, all smiling and posed, and proportions all whacked. He couldn’t exactly ignore it. It was pressed right against his face, making him see himself in too much detail. The colors were stupidly bright, the expression downright weird. Flowey felt very… he felt…

“No,” he said reflexively.

Papyrus looked a bit confused at the answer, so sudden, the tone so very low. “NO TO WHAT? I DO THINK DR. ALPHYS PUT A LITTLE TOO MANY CURVES ON YOU, BUT SHE DID INDEED TRY HER BEST!”

Flowey wanted to tell him that he didn’t care if that loser scientist did her best. After all, her best got all those abominations running around her lab. Her best denied those suffering even the peace of death. Her best got him to where he was today. Her best ruined everything he could have-

“Pin the tail on the Flowey!” Someone shouted, breaking Flowey from his thoughts. “Pin the tail on the Flowey! Woo!”

Movement was too much for him again. Papyrus seemed to forget about the current conversation, instead bringing Flowey to a gathering crowd that was by the left side of the wall, just a few feet away from the hole Mettaton had created earlier. Everyone ignored the snowy draft from outside, instead clapping and cheering when Flowey was seen again.

Papyrus, with his cherished flower friend, stood in the middle of the crowd. Someone shoved something in Flowey’s grip, something sharp, nearly pricking straight through the leaf.

“go on.” There was Sans, looking entirely much too pleased with everything. That grin filled Flowey’s vision. “pin the tail on the flowey.”

“Uh, what.” Flowey looked at said pin in his leafy hands. Sans gestured ahead at the wall. Flowey turned to see a poster of himself, winking and smiling and way, way too happy at shoving the lower part of his stem at the viewer. The hell?! The tell-tale array of sparkles and way too much lens flare gave him a hint as to who designed this poster, just like that travesty of a pillow. “I don’t have a tail. I don’t even have a butt!”

Sans not so surprisingly chuckled at the words. “heh, butt. don’t worry though. it’s all in good fun. now come on, the good folks are waiting.”

Flowey slowly turned to the crowd around him and Papyrus, all of them grinning and laughing. The pin felt so wrong in his hand. Were they… were they mocking him?

“Come on! Don’t be a wuss!” Undyne’s fists were clenched as she stood by the side, looking quite eager to rip away the pin from Flowey so she could do it herself.

“Darling! The show must go on!” Mettaton swerved around on the floor, keeping his microphone close to his speaker unit. The music (which sounded very much like one of those spook tunes) from his concert continued to play in the background. “And you can’t disappoint all of your adoring fans!”

“Yo! You gotta do it!” The monster kid really did faceplant this time in his excitement. Flowey hoped that it hurt.

“Like, that picture of you is soooo cute!” Catty pawed at it, specifically at the… behind. “I just wanna pinch its cheeks!”

“Wow, like, which one do you mean, Catty?” Bratty laughed, her fangs glinting from the party lights. Catty cackled along with her. Flowey winced. How he always hated how they laughed.

“P-pin the tail, Flowey. I, um, I t-tried to make the pose obvious as to where you should p-pin it!”

“Woof! Do it, hurry! (Crush that poster, woof!)”

“; ) Need to do a little flexing competition to warm up, Flowey? ; )”

“YES, PLEASE! PIN THE TAIL ON YOURSELF, FLOWERY!” Papyrus shouted from behind him. The decibel level on those non-existent vocal chords was too much. Flowey winced, but could find no reprieve from it. “IT IS PART OF THE PARTY TRADITION.”

“My name…” he whispered. “…Is Flowey.”

No one could hear him. They were all shouting like-

“DO YOU NEED ASSISTANCE? I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WILL GET YOU TO ACHIEVE YOUR GOAL.” Again, he shoved Flowey way too close at the stupidly drawn image of himself, which had way too big eyes. “YOU CAN DO IT. I BELIEVE IN YOU!”

He had enough of this.

“I don’t need your help, you idiot!”

Flowey threw the pin to the ground, but not before a gargantuan vine shot forth from the small soil of his flowerpot. The appendage extended forward towards that poster, wrecking it and the wall behind it to pieces.

The music stopped on a record-scratch. Everyone was silent.

And then that was followed by instant cheering.

“YEAH!! You showed that poster who’s boss!” Undyne was so pumped, she was ready to suplex her girlfriend right there, who was crying at the loss of her work of art.

“WOWIE! I DIDN’T KNOW MY WORDS OF FIERY INSPIRATION WOULD HELP SO MUCH! PERHAPS I SHOULD HOLD BACK JUST A BIT? STILL, I AM PROUD OF YOU!”

Flowey looked at everyone, at all of their smiling, laughing, and stupid, stupid faces. He looked everywhere, and suddenly noticed something was missing. That smiley trashbag was gone.

Good.

Flowey no longer held back. This run was over. That single vine was soon joined by many, all of them writhing out of the pot until the sheer amount of them, along with their strength, broke the frail pottery. Like giant serpents, those vines curled and wrapped around many monsters who were caught off guard. The rest either went screaming into the Mettaton-made hole, started running around in circles, or, like Undyne and the Royal Guard, were getting ready to fight, suddenly realizing that this happy, bundle-of-joy flower was a threat.

Flowey took one moment to look behind him. No longer was someone holding him, now fully supported from his own vines, which some he latched onto the ceiling and railings so that he could look down on the screaming crowd. He saw no sign of Papyrus – nothing but a pile of dust in the middle of the floor. In his outrage, his vines must have struck the skeleton, killing him instantly.

Flowey’s smile became a nightmare.

“You idiots!” He laughed and laughed, uprooting the house’s foundations, and smacking away at fleeing spiders with precision. “Now we’ll play -my- game!”

He still felt nothing, even after it was all over.

RESET.

Before he would meet up with Sans, Flowey trudged through Snowdin, into the more solitary areas of the snowbanks. He found the obnoxious Snowdrake with little effort, the monster already searching desperately for an audience. It came up to Flowey with no thought as to the other’s privacy.

“Hey!” Flowey shouted. “Get out of the way! I’m in a hurry!”

Snowdrake just said, “H… hey… uh… putting that ‘petal’ to the metal then, huh?” He weakly laughed. The wind blew harshly.

Flowey felt the ground rumble beneath him. That comedian.                                 

He was already deep in this run, but he had so little patience.

“HELLO!” Papyrus waved erratically. Streamers and numerous other party favors fell out of his arms, the skeleton having promptly dropped them all to greet his brother and flowery friend. “WELCOME TO THE FLOWEY FAN CLUB!”

Flowey immediately noted that this fan club meeting/party/waste of space was already missing a few key attendees. Snowdrake and his family were out of the picture, along with the bunny monster and her leashed brother, the rocks from two doors over, and even most of the dogs. There was only Lesser Dog, looking left and right with high-pitched whines.

“UNDYNE WAS GOING TO COME,” Papyrus said, as if reading the flower’s mind. “BUT SHE HAD HEAD OF ROYAL GUARD DUTIES TO ATTEND TO. SOMETHING ABOUT MISSING THINGS???”

“think she means missing people.” Sans blinked slowly. “just a few of ‘em vanished within the past few days. pretty weird.”

“Oh gosh!” Flowey said with clear concern. “I hope they’re okay! Let’s all go look for them together then! After this party you all worked so hard to arrange, of course!”

“eh, i’m good.” Sans shrugged. “you go on ahead.”

Flowey was tempted to end the run then and there. But he went through with the whole fiasco. No Undyne also meant no Alphys, which meant no gross body pillow or poster. Just some bad food, stupid laughs, and idiotic friends. He even made sure to thank each and every one of them once the fan club’s party was winding down to a close.

“Thank you all so much!” he said, noting the cheer and gratitude in all of the monsters’ faces, especially Papyrus’. He then noticed that Sans was gone. Again.

Yet when he killed them all, he still felt nothing.

RESET.

“WE HAD PLANS TO SELL ALL SORTS OF FLOWERY PLUSHIES AND POSTERS AND OTHER COLLECTIBLE MEMORABILIA. BUT… DR. ALPHYS HAS NOT BEEN RETURNING MY CALLS.”

“weird,” Sans interjected. “did you text her, too?”

“OF COURSE I DID, BROTHER! I ALWAYS MAKE SURE TO DO BOTH, EVERY HOUR, ON THE HOUR. I TIME THAT SPECIFICALLY! YET STILL I GOT NO RESPONSE. UNDYNE SAID SHE WOULD TRY TO FIND HER THOUGH.”

Flowey said nothing, didn’t feel like saying anything. He had made sure to pay the so-called ‘doctor’ twice over for her fanmade Flowey creations. It was only fair.

Sans had left again before the party’s end. Flowey hadn’t noticed until the dust finally settled, Papyrus’ stupid smile still in his head.

RESET.

He didn’t always win though. He decided to let himself lose a few times – it was the only way that he could make sure that he did everything.

“I won’t let you hurt anyone here!” Undyne had shouted. Papyrus had tried his best to plead with both of his friends, but Undyne ignored him while Flowey just pushed him to the side. Flowey, at least, always had be on top of his game when facing her. He saw the opening to stab her in the gut, but instead waited for her spears to slice him to pieces. She couldn’t encase his soul – didn’t have one, after all – but her speed and strength was more than enough.

Smiley Trashbag was still nowhere to be found. But Papyrus was here.

Undyne ended him quickly. At least he could count on that stupid fish face for something.

RESET.

And other times, he would kill her. He would watch her melt into nothing, done in by her own determination.

Sans was still missing.

And Papyrus was usually dead before then.

RESET.

At the next gathering of the Flowey Fan Club, no music played. He only needed to get rid of one of the performers anyway to achieve that.

Still no posters.

Still no barking.

Still no Sans.

Just Papyrus and his dust.

RESET.

He didn’t feel like dealing with gross spiders later on. He’d rather endure more of Papyrus’ spaghetti than crawly-crawl donuts.

More importantly, his devoted fans were shrinking, he realized.

Good.

RESET.

He interrupted his usual strategies to do a little eavesdropping, early on in this timeline. He found Papyrus recalibrating his puzzles, while Sans laid on a snow poff.

“DO YOU THINK FLOWERY WOULD LIKE THE NEW PUZZLE I MADE? I MADE SURE TO COLOR-COORDINATE IT TO HIS PETALS.”

Flowey sighed. It’s Flow-

“thought it was flowey. also, bro, you’ve been talking non-stop about him for weeks. what are you, the head of his fan club?” He winked.

Flowey saw the gears in Papyrus’ skull work. “OH MY GOD, SANS! YOU ARE RIGHT! I SHOULD BE THE HEAD OF HIS FAN CLUB.”

“hey, cool.”

Flowey didn’t feel like dealing with this run anymore.

RESET.

“HELLO!” Papyrus waved erratically. One haphazard streamer and a plate of overheated spaghetti fell out of his arms to make a mess on the floor. There was just one banner, the writing a bit disjointed, its misspelling making The Librarby look like a masterpiece, simply saying FLOREY FUN CLAP.

Flowey had gone to the house by himself, his stem still immersed in the snows. Sans was nowhere to be found.

He knew that no one else would come to the fan club.

“WELCOME TO THE FLOWEY FAN CLUB! I HAVE NOT HAD TIME TO FINISH MY DECORATIONS! PEOPLE WHO WERE SUPPOSED TO HELP KEPT DISAPPEARING! AND UNDYNE, DR. ALPHYS, THAT ADORABLE MOUSE…” Papyrus paused. “I AM SURE THEY WILL COME WHEN THEY CAN. IN THE MEANTIME, WELCOME!”

It all looked so pathetic.

“Why did you let your brother put such a stupid idea in your head?”

It was one of the few times, he thought in amusement, that he could render the skeleton speechless. At least for a moment.

“OH!! DID SANS TELL YOU? HE’S USUALLY SO GOOD AT KEEPING SECRETS! HE NEVER TELLS ANYBODY ANYTHING. EVEN ME!” A pause. “HAVE YOU SEEN MY BROTHER?”

Vines unearthed from the ground, their surfaces draped in snow.

“Who cares about that smiley trashbag!?”

Each time, he hoped for something different whenever he killed Papyrus. And not just letting his skull live for a moment longer. He expected to feel something different.

Of course, nothing.

Flowey waited by the open door of the brothers’ home before Sans finally showed up. He walked slowly, as if ready to fall asleep right there. Eye sockets peered at the flower, at the wreckage of the home, done because of Flowey’s boredom. And, Flowey was sure, that gaze peered at the dust, already pulled in by the wind.

Sans turned around, and started walking away.

“No!” Flowey snaked out his stem, his makeshift teeth curled into fangs, his mouth agape with darkness. “You’re not leaving this time!”

“ok.” Sans stopped, hands in his coat pockets. He slightly angled his skull to peer up at the serpentine flower.

“You always leave, you always leave!” Flowey raged at the monster, vines encircling the bonehead, ready to pluck out his spine and all its ligaments in pain-staking patience. “What is wrong with you?! You keep leaving! You keep letting your brother die!”

Sans continued to smile that blank, tight smile.

“I’m not waiting until the end! I’m not gonna go through New Home just for you to finally do something! I’m here right now! And everyone’s already dead anyway! Do you enjoy this?! Are you some kind of sick freak!?”

Sans shifted a damp slipper through the snow. “huh.”

“You stupid smiley trashbag! Hurry up and-!”

A prison of bones encased him suddenly. One of the jagged things pierced his stem, where his neck would have been, had he been made of fur and tears instead of petals and hollowness.

He could barely see Sans through his blurring vision. “E n o u g h.”

A quick motion. Flowey was brought back to the ground. His being – if not his soul – shattered.

That was the last time he could ever RESET.

.

.

.

Flowey hated how familiar the human was – in actions and in clothing choices.

“So you’re here again,” he said with a scoff. “What’s wrong with you?”

Then, a memory. Flowey chuckled, looking back to that dumb, blank face. “Are you trying to start the Flowey Fan Club?”

With its good food, bad laughs, and nice friends. Ha. What a joke. He laughed that bad laugh, but it did nothing to lift up his mood.

“You’ll have to talk to Papyrus. Yeah, he started one.” Flowey had no muscles, just imitations of anything that was once alive. When he transformed his expressions, it was as easy as scribbling a crayon on construction paper. Very little work involved. Yet, he could feel it – something that pulled his face into worry. “A few different times, anyway. Took me a long time to get bored of that one.”

What were they doing here to begin with? Should he warn the human about Smiley Trashbag? Should he tell them that Papyrus would always, always believe in him, even as half his body disintegrated?

...Nah, that wasn’t fun.

He went back to full on smiling. “Talk to him about it.”

Flowey left.

[1-dollar-cd-sale-reviews]

Burning Brides - Fall of the Plastic Empire (2002)

After The Bleeders’ As Sweet As Sin, I found another jewel case with a stylised spine. It looked like the band name and album title were written on a sheet of lined paper with a typewriter - kind of a cliche, but I was riding high on As Sweet As Sin and its sick-ass cover art, so I gave it a shot. This album cover was similarly edgy, being a human skull formed out of a bunch of naked women, and I decided to grab it too.

Having not enjoyed As Sweet As Sin, I wasn’t sure what to think of this CD. Maybe it’d be a different flavor of bland, edgy mid-00′s rock/punk/emo. This wasn’t helped by the name of the band - I had misread the band’s name in the store as Burning Bridges, and the name Burning Brides made me think of Black Veil Brides. Which, at least stylistically, isn’t a band i’m all that fond of. Not expecting much, I put the CD into my laptop’s disc drive and queued it up on Winamp.

I can tell you right now that this album is everything I wanted the last album to be. Hard, edgy rock, with some decent guitar work and a singer who wasn’t afraid to strain and scream. Right out of the gate, the band gave me a hint of Alice Cooper - this perception cleared up pretty fast, but it still surprised me how it dived straight into a more hard-rock oriented sound. The lyrics reminded me of a band called Red Vox, which is an online band started by a couple of video game streamers - their music is inspired by bands like the Pixies and other rock bands in the same vein. I’m not well-informed enough to tell you who Burning Brides might have been influenced by, but that’s as good of a comparison as I can provide.

A lot of the songs are very energetic, guitar-driven rock songs. There are some tracks like Glass Slipper that feel like they’d fit on a Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater soundtrack, or maybe Crazy Taxi - I say this with the greatest respect. It’s around this track that the band began to hit another switch in my head - I thought they sounded a lot like Arctic Monkeys. I also thought I heard some inklings of Queens of the Stone Age in there, but I’m only familiar with like 5 of their songs so I honestly couldn’t make an informed opinion one way or the other. However, I learned after I listened to this album that Burning Brides actually toured with Queens of the Stone Age, as well as Audioslave, Mastodon and Peaches - all artists I have extremely tenuous grips on, but whose style I think I can recall in the faintest detail. Frankly, I think it makes the band even cooler that they’ve reached some level of recognition with those musicians.

the songs on this album skew between three different styles - the first is more of a heavy style, bordering on metal, where the singer has a shout and the guitars play deep notes hard and loud. The second style is a more chilled out Arctic Monkeys/Red Vox style, with more of an even tone to the notes and the playing, and the vocals are sung at the singer’s regular range. The third is more of a rhythm and blues sort of pace, with more of a bluesy, swinging tempo to the guitars. The latter style has the deep notes of the harder style, with more of the chill, even style’s vocals. One or two songs have these weird, spoken-word verses, which aren’t my cup of tea, but overall I thought that the instrumentation and vocals on each song were really good, and the variation between songs was a nice touch.

There is an aspect of the album that I’m divided on, and that’s the style shifts in most of the songs. A lot of the songs on this album will start one way, then there’ll be a shake-up or style change for the last verse or halfway through the song, taking a heavier or lighter tone than the start of the song. I like when a song shakes it up, and I liked how these songs were doing that - but the thing is, these shake-ups happen way too often on too many songs. I was most entertained when they were surprises, and by the end of the album I was expecting a surprise on every song - effectively killing the enjoyment that I had felt when I wasn’t expecting anything. Even saying that, though, I think I enjoyed every song on the album bar one.

There’s a song called Stabbed In the Back of the Heart, and it made me cringe from the first verse. Maybe it was intentional? I don’t know. All I do know is that the rhyming scheme made my skin crawl, the lyrics themselves followed a very cliche “this shallow girl dumped me and now I’m bitter about her, grr” sort of formula, and the instrumentation was very samey and bland throughout. This was the one filler song on the album, and while I still liked it more than the entirety of the last album I reviewed, it was a bummer to listen through. There’s a cool lick right at the end of the song, though, so I’m happy.

There are two songs I want to talk about in particular, and they are “Elevator” and “Blood on the Highway”. With “Elevator”, I was hoping for something to blow my tits off. I wanted a head-banger, I wanted to hear some fucking metal. Something about the previous song “Rainy Days” just put me in the mood, and when this song started, I felt a rush of excitement. Elevator is the hardest song on the album, and I really like it. It’s this album’s White Limo - not as heavy or effective as the first time I heard White Limo, but still. It’s that one song that catches you when you need to hear something hard and fast, and it does a very good job of it.

Blood on the Highway is different. It takes more of a plodding, low tone to it, with a weird almost dissonant note that soon gives way to a more palatable sort of tune. The tone of the song is very dark and low for three quarters of the song, like an overcast day where the sky is covered in those really thick, grey clouds - and then the customary shake-up in the song’s style has more of an upbeat, even uplifting tone to it. It’s like the clouds have split and let a beam of light shine down off in the distance. The tempo and style of the song remains similar - the clouds haven’t dispersed into a bright, sunny day, there are still grey overcast clouds everywhere. But the brightness from that sun is the first visual cue that has given your eyes any exercise all day, and it’s like your eyeballs are having a stretch. It’s refreshing, and it feels good to listen to - that’s how I would describe the stylistic change in Blood on the Highway.

The last two songs are great in their own right. The tenth and final song on the track listing, Plastic Empire, has a Blur-esque bounce to its beat, though the chorus is just noise - the singer yells a bit, the guitars flatten out, bleh. The song changes, whatever, and it’s a surprisingly soft ballad interlude. I thought the singer sounded a lot like Billie Joe Armstrong here, which is bizarre - I hadn’t been getting that impression for the whole album, but here’s what could be a potential voice double for the singer of Green Day. Then, to my surprise, the song changed back to a bouncy Blur-inspired riff, and that’s how the song ended. It was a good closing track - until the eleventh track, which isn’t on the track listing started to play. Nothing particularly crazy, just a nice, driving beat and some vocals that gave me sort of a Ramones sort of vibe. I dunno. Overall, the album caps off nicely with some good tunes.

I enjoyed Burning Brides’ Fall of the Plastic Empire a great deal. It’s not a band I would listen to with the same fanaticism as Counting Crows or the Mountain Goats, and even though I’m not particularly hot on Foo Fighters’ entire body of work, I wouldn’t call Burning Brides better than them by any means. But by God, this is a good band and this was a good album. I recommend giving this album a try if you’re a fan of the Arctic Monkeys, Queens of the Stone Age or more serious, heavy classic rock (as opposed to a band like Chicago, with more romantic, chill ballads and grooves).

For a taste of the heavier songs, I recommend checking out Elevator or Blood on the Highway. For more Arctic Monkeys/Red Vox-type tracks, I recommend Glass Slipper or Arctic Snow. To check out the more bluesy riffs, listen to If I’m A Man and Rainy Days.

You can buy this album for peanuts online, and it’s also on Apple Music. The entire album has also been uploaded to Youtube.

[ruleandruinrpg]

CONGRATULATIONS, GLORIA!

You have been accepted for the role of SVETLANA GAVRIKOVA. Admin Bree: I knew when I first wrote her that Svetlana, with all her ruthlessness and fanaticism and ambition, would be a tough nut to crack, but Gloria, you handled her with ease. From the “what drew you” section to your headcanons and extras, you brought her to life in ways even I hadn’t imagined, and I knew, when I finished reading, that there was simply no other decision to make. Your para sample was chilling, and I hope it sets a precedent for what we can expect from you and Svetlana on the dash. Well done! You have 24 HOURS to send in your account. Also, remember to look at the CHECKLIST. Welcome to Ravka!

OUT OF CHARACTER

ALIAS: Gloria

PREFERRED PRONOUNS: She/her

AGE: 21

TIMEZONE & ACTIVITY LEVEL: With summer here I have a lot more free time I can dedicate to roleplaying, but I will obviously get busy from time to time. I can promise to pop online and do my replies every second day at least. On a scale from 1 to 10, I would say a solid 7.

CURRENT/PAST ACCOUNTS: I have several, but here’s an example X.

IN CHARACTER

DESIRED CHARACTER: Svetlana Gavrikova

Svetlana (  Светлана )          ↳ Russian          ↳ light, world

Svetlana for all the light in the world, soft and sweet, represents everything her parents ever wanted her to be. See, they didn’t want their little girl to have to suffer from need for anything, for jealousy and wrath to bloom in her heart – and they didn’t know until it was too late. How could they? Svetlana was kind to them, always, until the last second they laid eyes on her. She saw how hard her father was trying to give everything to her and how her mother turned the littlest to the most, she saw them and loved them even though they could never understand her. She could not disappoint them by reveling her poisonous mind, could she? She did not want them to know that the wolf inside her swallowed the lamb, they saw her as, in whole.

Yalena (  Елена )

        ↳ Russian         ↳ torch, corposant

Yalenka, ptichka, my little bird, her parents used to call her. She remembers, or rather, has these faint, spiderweb-like shreds of memories about the way she was before. Before the war. Before the ruination. Before her mouth was full of sharp teeth, hungry for destruction, hungry for blood and flesh and death. She remembers her pretty, pretty dresses, adorning her slender figure as she ran through fields of flower and tall grass. She remembers how her heart filled up with joy at the smell of daisies and freshly baked bread and new books. And she remembers, the faintest of them all, so very distantly as if it wasn’t even her, the forgiving, kind nature of her being. It is strange, truly, she thinks, how she doesn’t recognizes herself in those memories. Not her voice, not her words, not even her own face. 

Gavrikova (  Гаврикова )        ↳ Russian        ↳ spiritual, intuition

They came from long generations of merchants, spreading out around the whole of Ravka. A big family, strong and proud and influential in their own way. She’s been told she has so many cousins around Ravka and even on the other side of all the borders, she couldn’t even count them. Their name was known, perhaps not to nobility or royalty, but to the people depending on their cargo and those living on their lands. And yet, when Svetlana was taken to join the First Army, there was nothing to be done, no begging, no amount of silver and gold could prevent them from pushing her towards the front line of the war. She didn’t mind, even then, there was already something blooming in the deepest, most hidden corners of her heart. A thirst for something new, the unknown terrors of bloodshed, everything her parents tried to protect her from, in the past sixteen years, so desperately. Now, when someone hears the name Gavrikova, they do not think of merchants. They think of a woman with hair like flame and claws of iron, a woman with a heart made of ash and thunder and ruination. 

WHAT DREW YOU TO THIS CHARACTER? 

Oh my gosh, from the second I read her teaser, I was in love. She was something I’ve been looking for in a female character for quite some time now, always wanted to experience someone who’s untouched by feminine machinations and breaks through the burdens in front of her like a bull. She makes me excited, proud and sad at the same time because even though her story cannot be called stereotypically tragic, I can see the girl she once was being so foreign, so distant to who she is today. Loosing herself ( or perhaps finding her true self ) carries a kind of beautiful tragedy. To me, Svetlana is the embodiment of a storm and I don’t want her to die down, to be tamed, ever. If she has to go one day though, I want her to leave unimaginable destruction after herself, I want her name to sound like a curse for years and years after she’s gone, I want her to be remembered as chaos itself. 

Her brash hunger for ambition, her untamed thirst for the blood of her enemies, the way she does not want to limit herself in any way, nor does she let herself be held back by anything or anyone.  She is the kind of character I would usually be interested in, I’ve always liked strong females that have straight goals and aspirations, who know what they want and have fire in their personalities. Svetlana is especially unique in to me because she doesn’t handle things in a stereotypical feminine way, she doesn’t try to manipulate people, to charm her way into others hearts and get her way like that. She is strong and fierce and she has no interest in pleasing people with her behavior, she simply doesn’t care how others perceive her (unless it comes to the Darkling’s approval, of course). I love Svetlana because she has so much possibilities and yet sometimes the way she sees things could be the biggest burden in her way. I want to give her the chance to see that clawing her own, violent way to the top might not be the only one, or that perhaps it’s not even what her heart really yearns for. A girl made of fire and lightening and everything frightening, she still has weaknesses, weaknesses that could be her downfall so very easily, no matter how much she believes she is invincible. She needs to face those weaknesses, accept them and battle her own self to be able to conquer the world the way she desires.

WHAT FUTURE PLOT IDEAS DID YOU HAVE IN MIND? 

carnal flower / bloody rose: I want to see her interact with the Darkling, for sure. She is not blind, she can see his obvious ignorance towards her achievements and it not only angers her but motivates her to do more. She is going to prove it to him that she’s exceptional in every way he can imagine and she doesn’t care that he thinks he’s seen hundreds of her kind before and will see hundreds after her. There is only one Svetlana Gavrikova and she will make him see, make him understand. He doesn’t scare her, not really, he makes her burn inside with this dark desire for approval, for recognition, the thought of him makes the beast in her scream and claw at her inside manically. She will show him, she will and when she does, he’ll understand why they all fear her.

three mile island / one way road: I cannot wait to see the dynamic between Svetlana, Adrik and Fyodor. They seem like such an interesting trio with their hunger for destruction, their devotion to the Darkling and the way nobody can stand in their way. I am entirely fascinated by Svetlana’s relationship to them both separately and the three of them together as well and I know that no matter what, they will raise hell in the most exquisite way. I want to see them go on missions for the Darkling, I want to see them interact in a casual setting, see them training together or just simply watch their story unfold side by side.

you smell like love / taste like ash: There is a kind of hatred in her heart towards the Sun Summoner she didn’t know she was capable of feeling anymore. It’s not only fed by the jealous rage for occupying all of her sovereign’s attention, but there is something in her … something she cannot quite put a finger on, something that drives her up the wall like nothing else. Perhaps, Svetlana thinks, there is a part of her, a part long lost and forgotten that is awoken by Gemma, a part untainted by death and dust and ruination, a part she thought she’s lost the second she first slit a man’s throat. She does not miss that part of her and she does not want to be reminded of it’s existence. I want to see her punish Gemma for something she thinks she caused, to see her with bloody eyes and a foaming mouth at the height of her very worst.

WOULD YOU BE WILLING TO HAVE YOUR CHARACTER DIE?: Absolutely, if the plot requires it I am all in to give a twist to things by saying goodbye to her.

IN DEPTH

IN CHARACTER PARA SAMPLE(S): 

I.

tw: gore

This is the closest she’ll ever get to being in love. She looks down at her fingers, tainted by the sticky, warm, crimson life force of the corpse she’s still sitting on. Mesmerized, still so endlessly fascinated. 

This is the closest she’ll ever get to being in love, she thinks, this feeling, this thrill that presses the air out of her lungs, this excitement that makes her heart beat fast like she’s been running. She won’t find anything else completing her this way, like two parts of a puzzle, fitting together so precisely, so perfectly. Her eyes close for a moment only and a sigh of pure ecstasy falls past her brims as pale digits dig into the still fresh wound. She feels the flesh under her fingertips, the artery still filled with blood and for a fickle moment she thinks there is pulse too. Mesmerized.

This is the closest she’ll ever get to being in love. She raises her hand to her mouth, eyes still shut close, brims open hesitantly and she’s tasting it. Warm and rusty and full. It tastes like victory, tastes like power.

This is the closest she’ll ever get to being in love. She stands up, long hair falling onto her shoulders as she walks to her horse, she can feel eyes on following her every move. Tries to imagine how she might look, with blood smeared across her face, a rare, content smile taking over her countenance.

This is the closest she’ll ever get to being in love. And no one will ever understand.

ll.

She remembers the first time she saw him. Tall and dark and intimidating. Tall and dark and intimidating and so, so deliciously unknown. He moved as a shadow among the others and Svetlana watched him with wary eyes for years. She’s watched him move around the king and queen like he was above them, but in a way it was only visible to the most perceptive eyes. She’s watched him be feared and admired by the Grisha and the people of Ravka equally. She’s watched him from far for so long, the first time she’s been right in front of him, for a mere second only, but she thought she already knew him.

And then he raised those cold, dark eyes at her and she knew, she was wrong. She didn’t know him, she never will. But he knows her. He knows the deepest, darkest corners of her mind like it was his own. She felt stripped from all her secrets, all her pride, left naked in her most vulnerable. It was only a second, that’s all he’s given her of his time, but Svetlana felt as he’s taken a part of her with him. A part he hasn’t given back still. A part she feels she needs to earn back.

Pale digits press into the arm of the girl, Sun Summoner, they say, fingertips leaving a mark after themselves. She leads her through the hallways of the Little Palace, expression unreadable but there is pride shining in her eyes. They enter the oval shaped room and there he is, sitting in his mahogany chair. Tall and dark and intimidating. And Svetlana waits, waits for him to look at her, for one second only, to give her back that missing part. He doesn’t. All his attention is focused on the the pale femme beside her.

She’s angry. She could scream. She could kill. She wants to kill. Kill her, kill him, kill them all. Is this how jealousy feels like then? Is this the poison she’ll end up choking on?

CHARACTER HEADCANONS: 

When she was seven, she accidentally cut her thigh with a butcher knife. It left a long scar from her left knee to the middle of her thigh and although she’s gotten a significant number of other scars through her service in the First Army and as an Opricniki, it is her favorite to this day. When she’s frustrated and alone, she often runs the tips of her fingers over the silky skin of the now healed wound.

Although she’s stripped herself off of most believed signifiers of feminity, she wears her crimson red lipstick like war paint. It has a dramatic effect with her porcelain skin, fire hair and charcoal Oprechniki uniform. She’s been called beautiful before as she crosses the dimly lit hallways of the Little Palace, but she’s been called terrifying so much more.

She much prefers using knifes or her bare hands, when it comes to battle, to guns. It’s more personal, the way the blade plunges into another’s flesh, the way she can feel it under her fingertips: heartbeat slow, slow, slow down until it’s no more.

Svetlana usually sleeps on her side or on her stomach with one hand under the pillow, fingers wrapped around a knife. She likes having a lot of pillows in her bed, she’s been told that as a child she always fell asleep arranging them in some kind of order only known to her. She is also a very light sleeper, always on alert, always ready to protect herself from whatever danger.

She doesn’t mind the taste of blood, be it her own or someone else’s. Of course, she will not go around sinking her teeth into people, but during battle it often happens she gets hit on the face and her lips start bleeding or perhaps an opponent’s life force finds it’s way into her mouth.

Her favorite fruit is pomegranate. She used to read a lot about Greek mythology and the story of Persephone and Hades has always been oddly endearing to her, the whole concept all so poetic and beautiful.

You could call her a health craze in a way, she is practically obsessed with her physical health, except when it comes to smoking. She is obviously in shape as it is required of her, she trains almost every moment of her free time and stays away from everything that could be bad for her body.

It might be strange, but Svetlana loves flowers, red ones in particular, roses and tulips and poppies. 

Svetlana enjoys physical pain to a certain point, it gives her a kind of thrill she cannot even experience when taking another life either. It reminds her of her own mortality, it fills her lungs with fire and excitement. She would never hurt herself on purpose, it is not her style, but she definitely doesn’t mind getting a wound or two during battles.

She finds fountains strangely beautiful, they calm her down. There is something in the soft sound of water paddling and the precise little statues that mesmerize her.

Svetlana knew she was interested in human anatomy ever since her brother’s gruesome accident. The blood and flesh and guts never intimidated her, she’s always wanted to learn how everything worked. Perhaps, in another life, when her hunger for ruination was less prominent, she would have been a healer of some kind.

She has no love for the Grisha and yet ever since she was chosen as one of the Darkling’s private guard, she has a new found fascination with them. She doesn’t go unnecessarily close, doesn’t interact with them if she doesn’t have to but she is perceptive and she learns more and more about them every day.

EXTRAS: Here’s the Pinterest board I made for her: X

PERSONALITY:

                              ‘   She was born of fire, of unhampered desire; strong as stone. She’s as lovely as the ash that coats the devils tongue   ’

USUAL MOOD: Svetlana seems unapproachable at all times. Svetlana is unapproachable at all times. It often seems as if it is impossible to catch her in the right time, she can be seen in the midst of sharing private jokes with Adrik or Fyodor one moment and the next she is pure ice, cutting into everyone that dares to disturb her. There are woman you could feel the coldness of a corpse coming off of them, there is nothing and no one that can reach deep and hard enough to touch her. She doesn’t take offense very easily but does not allow people to speak to her disrespectfully, to Svetlana, it’s a matter of demanding the rightful treatment attached to her title. She is temperamental and unpredictable and it’s almost impossible to read her mood –– although it’s safe to guess she won’t be all sunshine and smiles no matter when you try to interact with her. 

CLOTHING STYLE: She remembers especially enjoying the color peach once and those flimsy, soft materials her dresses and gloves were made of. They were nothing compared to what the nobility in Os Alta wears, but they were exquisite among the ragged clothes of peasants and soldiers. Now, she wears the charcoal uniform of the Oprichniki with more pride than anything else. She earned her place among them, she was picked from hundreds of thousands of soldiers, she was chosen and she won’t let anyone forget it even for a second.

HABITS: lip biting, gritting teeth, running fingers through hair, clicking tongue, frowning

POSTURE: Always straight, confident and demanding respect, she’s been compared to a cheetah both in the way she moves and the way she fights. She is a good soldier, disciplined and strong and the way she carries herself represents all they fear her for. Svetlana stands, sits and walks in an impeccable manner, it’s something he didn’t have to learn or try hard to achieve, it comes naturally to her. 

VOICE: Her voice is a bit deeper than people expect it to be from looking at her. It gets a bit raspy in the early mornings ( most likely a side effect of all the cigarettes she is so fond of smoking ) but that disappears once she shakes off sleep. Her words always have an edge to them, she doesn’t necessarily have to raise her voice for that –– and although she does not back off from a loud argument, those turn physical with her rather quickly..

SOCIAL SKILLS: Generally speaking, she could be probably good with people, but again, she doesn’t like or care for most of them very much, if at all. She is exceptional in finding people��s weak spots, is incredibly observing, but generally, she is not very good in social situations. She knows how to be civil and how to sell herself, of course, but it doesn’t mean she is on the top of her game all the time. Comforting someone, making them feel better about something seems almost impossible to Svetlana, if she tries, she usually only makes it worse and so she tries to avoid situations where her empathy ( or the lack of it, rather ) is being put to work. She doesn’t care for being liked, only recognized for her achievements and so she finds no reason to try and be on her best behavior.

FAMILY:

FATHER: Vladim Gavrikova ( 58 ) –– She remembers watching him, saying goodbye to him every morning before he sat up on his carriage, leaving to go to the fair or visit nearby cities to sell their merchandise or occasionally get together for some kvas with other merchants and village people. He’s always treated her so kindly, so gently, like she was the softest of flower petals of the most beautiful rose in the garden. Sometimes, rarely when she thinks of him, Svetlana believes the devotion her father had towards her, towards giving her everything she could possibly need, would still impress her. But then she remembers, if her father knew her now, if he saw that her Yalenka, ptichka, his little bird is the most dangerous of all the predators, perhaps he would be repulsed by her.

MOTHER: Olesya Gavrikova ( 55 ) –– Her mother was kind too, but differently. In a hesitant way, kind yet always kept an arm lengthy distance between them. As a child, it was hard for Svetlana to understand, to wrap her mind around why her mother didn’t tuck her to bed every night with tears of love in her eyes or why she with warily, like she was afraid she could disappear any moment. Did she hate her because it wasn’t her dying instead of Pyotr? Was she blaming her? No, Svetlana realized later one, she was just broken. Broken by the loss of her son, by the possibility of loosing her daughter too. And so when she was taken to the First Army, the last thing she remembers of her childhood home, the picture still lives vividly in her mind, even after ten years, her mother was on her knees. She didn’t cry, but her mouth opened up in horror, the kind of horror Svetlana never saw again, no matter how much cruelty she saw or cause. Her mother face said “here it is, here goes another part of my soul”.

SIBLING(S): Pyotr Gavrikova ( deceased ) –– They were born seven minutes apart, together from the moment they opened their eyes for the very first time, Their relationship was just like every other sibling relationship, they bickered and fought and made up and were there for each other, always. And yet when he fell, fell under the carriage at the summer fair in the village, Svetlana didn’t feel as if she’s lost a part of herself. She watched his skull crack open under the pressure of the wheel of the carriage, blood, blood, blood and brain and all she felt was fascination. Perhaps that was the first time she knew, knew she was different somehow. That’s when they started whispering behind her back “cold girl, doesn’t even mourn the loss of her brother”. But she did mourn, on her own, strange way, she did. Not with tears and sadness like her parents, not with forcing loneliness on herself, but my remembering him. Remembering him every waking moment of her life, remembering right until one day she didn’t anymore.

OTHER(S): N/A

PET(S): Svetlana is currently not capable for taking responsibility for another living creature.

PHYSICAL TRAITS

EYE COLOUR: baby blue

HAIR COLOUR: red

HEIGHT: 5"10’

BODY BUILD: slender, lean, athletic

GLASSES/CONTACTS: N/A

TATTOOS + PIERCINGS: N/A 

NOTABLE PHYSICAL TRAITS: Her red hair and charcoal uniform.

PERSONALITY

STAR SIGN: aries

TEMPERAMENT: choleric

VIRTUES: persistent, resourceful, ambitious, rational, adaptive, loyal, perceptive

VICES: bloody thirsty, easily bored, moody, vengeful, cruel, impatient, temperamental

ALIGNMENT: lawful evil

birthdate:

April 5th

She came into the world with a head full of crimson hair and a scream that let the whole neighborhood know that indeed, Svetlana Gavrikova was born. Her mother always told her that giving birth to her was surprisingly easy, much easier than she though but she was scared, terrified of what would happen. See, Olesya was tired, so tired after giving birth to her brother only minutes ago and she thought exhaustion will take her before she can deliver the second child. But then she saw it, the little face of her baby boy, the desperate crying of his voice and she loved him. She loved him more than she though she could love anything in the world and then she knew she has to fight for that other child, still in her belly, struggling for life. So she pushed and screamed in pain and there Svetlana was. They wanted their children to be healthy and perfect. And she was. She was.

The most significant Aries traits in Calla’s personality:

                +  passionate  +  independent  +  determined

                 -  impatient  -  impatient  -  opinionated

gender identity & pronouns — Svetlana identifies as cis female and it’s not something that occupies her mind too much. The thought of being viewed as an object or weak, to be treated with less respect just because of her gender makes her terribly angry. If anything, women are the future and she intends to show that to the whole world and every single person who tried to shut her up about it. Perhaps if she was born in a different age when girls were generally viewed more equal, she would be lacking some aspects of her brash personality. She had to work twice as hard to show them all how capable she was. Capable to be in the First Army, capable to be a warrior, capable to be chosen among the best.

sexuality & romantic preference — Sex and romance takes up very minimal place among her interests, therefor she identifies as asexual. She views it as such a small, insignificant part of life, a distraction, nothing but a burden between her and her goals. The whole concept of love itself seems too mundane, too simple to her to take a real interest in it. Of course, from time to time, she does take interest in someone in her own, strange way but it’s always short lived and brutal. Svetlana doesn’t exactly have a preference, she simply appreciates beauty. The problem with any kind of yearning for another awakening in her is that she despises rejection. She appreciates beauty, she does but her thirst to taint it, to destroy it is much stronger. She will leave you behind shattered and ruined, no matter if you agreed to play her game or not.

Some quotes that remind me of Svetlana:

“I’d call her a storm, or tornado, but they are destruction without purpose. Her? She look’ll you in the eye as she tears you open, just to see how much you’ll bleed.“

“She was born of fire, of unhampered desire; strong as stone. She’s as lovely as the ash that coats the devils tongue.”

“She was ice cold to the bone, but I swear, she burned like rum on fire.”

“I love death. I love the way it buzzes in my ear; the way it sends love letters to my ribs. I love the beckon, the chase. The destruction of frailty, a splice of honey-bone. Death teases me with divine morbidity. And do i answer?“

“Her sincerity was so bruising that people sometimes confused it with eccentricity. She always—but always—did what she wanted, and when she wanted. Without asking anyone for permission. It was a strong feature of her character.”

“She wanted a storm to match her rage.“

“You think I’m not a goddess? Try me. This is a torch song. Touch me and you’ll burn.”

“She lifts a wand of mascara, leans into the mirror, weaves threads of liquid onyx between her thick eyelashes.she sets it down, selects a brush, and her cheekbones glow sharp after. Has she used highlight, or dusted them in mercury? She uncaps her lipstick, stains her lips sanguine, and blows a kiss. Rose petaled, ruby-red, coated in bold vermillion; blood that has dried.”

“She’s a mess of gorgeous chaos and you can see it in her eyes.“

“Maybe some women aren’t meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with them.”

“She’s the girl ablaze; her kiss burns like whiskey, her touch trails fire, her eyes burn brighter than city light. She’s the girl ablaze; who flames like the sun, the moon and stars. She will ignite.”

“How fine you look when dressed in rage.”

“Girl has a matchstick mouth. / Girl with wounds burning loud & easy through her. / Girl says the ache is gone, then breaks mother’s chinaware. / Girl wanted to see other things fall apart, too.”

“She was not soft. She smelled like cigarettes, leather, and ground black coffee. And when you inhaled, she burned your lungs the way that made you want to do it again.”

“Her soul is filled with silent scars, they reek indifference.”

ANYTHING ELSE? 

I loved writing this application and following the process you were making this rpg happen. Good luck with acceptances !

[ethelbertpaul444-blog]

Fran Lebowitz: ‘You do not know anyone as stupid as Donald Trump’

She adores to talk, dislikes to control and wants to make it clear she takes no responsibility for the position of US politics Be grateful you didn’t sit next to Fran Lebowitz on the plane from New York to Melbourne. The junket was the longest flight she had taken, and therefore the longest hour she managed to go without a cigarette. When I ask if it is her first time in Australia, she replies:” That obligates it sound as if there’s going to be a second era .” She caught herself by not being to take away the flight in handcuffs for aggression chap( first-class) fares or smoking in the toilets. ” I was like small children on the plane, inviting the flight attendant,’ Are we there ?’ And she spoke,’ Are you nuts? We’ve only been piloting for four hours.’ The only people who live in Australia are those who came to Australia and couldn’t face the tour back- I’m actually one of those people .” Lebowitz has been invited to Australia several times but, as a longtime smoker, 30 hours on a flight without a cigarette was out of the question. But she used persuaded to perform evidences( which promptly sold out) at the recent All About Women festival at the Sydney Opera House, and a Wheeler Centre talk in Melbourne. She got through the flight without being arrested by grinding lots of gum and ensure that they are able to cigarette during a brief stop in LA. Before our fulfill, I recognize her standing on the footpath- smoking, naturally- in her sartorial dres of Levi 501 s, a lily-white shirt and custom-made dark blazer. She glances up the street, towards Melbourne’s Fawkner Park, as if she’s not quite sure where she is or how she got now.( She eventually asks me what era it is .) Once we sit down to talk it’s immediately seeming that talking is what Lebowitz does better. That’s a big call, having regard to the New Yorker is an author, social commentator, public speaker and even performer, appearing in presents such as Law and Order. She’s such a good talker that when I go to a nearby restaurant to do some work on my laptop after our interrogation is over, she sees me, sits next to me and talks for another hour. (” Tell me know if I’m disturbing you ,” she offers politely ). But firstly, during her interview with Guardian Australia, Lebowitz wants to make it clear that she takes no persons responsible for the commonwealth of American politics. She had just arrived in Melbourne and was having breakfast in her inn when a adult next to her discern she was reading the working paper.” And this guy started talking to me, I was speaking something about Trump, and he suggested,’ You elected him !’ And I told’ I did not !'” Lebowitz becomes indignant.” I imply, I did not. It’s not my fault. I know you[ Australians] are very upset about it. But we are more disrupt. Even my friends- I have a lot of friends in New York who are not American- were accusing me. I invested a year of “peoples lives” before the election, going around the country, talking about this trash. It’s not my fault. I am blameless. I am not a excellent being. I am not blameless in life but I do not know one single person who voted for him .” Fran Lebowitz at Diane von Furstenberg’s International Women’s Day celebration in March. Image: Angela Pham/ BFA/ REX/ Shutterstock Echoing the reported opinion of former US secretary on the part of states Rex Tillerson, Lebowitz belief the biggest danger of Trump is that he is a moron.” Everyone says he is crazy- which maybe he is- but the scarier circumstance about him is that he is stupid. You do not know anyone as stupid as Donald Trump. You merely don’t .” Lebowitz is still scandalized that Trump triumphed. Segment of the appall is that she was living so amply in a liberal New York illusion.” I had zero notion he would prevail. I have never been so incorrect in “peoples lives”. And being right is something I cherish. It’s really important to me to be right .” It’s one of three nighttimes burned solely into 67 -year-old Lebowitz’s memory- on a par with the Kennedy assassination and 9/11.” I retain every single second of the whole date- voting, everything- the whole daylight .” She elected and was just going lunch, and on the way residence she felt like New York was getting ready to welcome its first female chairperson. She strolled past “states parties ” being put in, hosted by Harvey Weinstein. They said,” See you tonight, Ms Lebowitz !” But she didn’t listen that gathering, opting instead for the party of the then Vanity Fair editor, Graydon Carter. ” Everyone was in a great depression and there were these enormous American pennants covered everywhere. Everyone was imbibing champagne .” From time to time over the darknes, Lebowitz sounded into the kitchen to be addressed by national elections planned on Tv and, with each see, is more and more apprehensive. The planned was swerving red-faced. A friend, the contributing writer at Vogue, Andre Leon Talley, who had been on a strict weight-loss regime all time, entered the room.” I had been with this person in restaurants all year and he was like,’ Fish, merely a bit salad , no dressing !’ There were all these chocolates and cookies and stuff[ on the table] and he started ingesting them without even looking. ” Then I’m smoking as usual but at any particular degree I realised I’m smoking two cigarettes and Andre had eaten all the cookies. Graydon had in his hands two martinis and a server spoke’ You want another ?’ and he pronounced’ Yes !’ He couldn’t even view them. At a certain moment[ another] sidekick of pit read,’ I’m going home, I can’t take this- I’m not hard fairly. I’m going home to take drugs.’ This is a man my age, a very distinguished lover .” Lebowitz went home to SoHo through districts frequently busy with nightlife.” But there was no one in the streets- it was nothing. It was like grief inside those residences. It was unpleasant. I felt that strongly affected emotionally for at least a few months. My stage of feeling, always high-pitched, is now in fever pitch all the time .” Lebowitz concludes naked intolerance is behind Trump’s election.” He admitted people to express their racism and fanaticism in such a way that they haven’t been able to in quite a while and they truly affection him for that. It’s a shocking thing to realise people adore their hatred more than they care about their own actual lives. The hatred- what is that about? It’s a suspicion of your own weakness .” The other hot button topic right now is shoots. Lebowitz practically suffocates on her mineral water when I question her if she has one. Fran Lebowitz:’ I had zero belief Trump would win. I have never been so erroneous in my life .’ Photograph: Stewart Cook/ REX/ Shutterstock ” Of direction I don’t have a gun !” She is scathing of gun proprietors.” Who are these parties that affection guns? These people who love Trump and they adore artilleries, these are the most feared parties I have ever seen in my life. Who’s after you? They live in the middle of nowhere. I live in New York municipal and I don’t have a artillery. No one I know has a gun. ” In the early 70 s, when I was more vulnerable in every route, it was really dangerous. I could have gotten a handgun but I never got one. I was an 18 -year-old penniless girl in the middle of a perilous metropoli and I was never as terrified as these men in Texas, living in a state of fear .” Her voice drippings with disdain. What does she think of the teenaged partisans taking on Congress over gun control? ” I do feel that this very young contemporary- people who are teens today and in their 20 s- are so much better than the contemporary right above, people who are in their 40 s. When I was in my 40 s and these people were coming up, realizing music and taking drugs, I saw,’ These parties are frightful .’ But when these brand-new young person started coming up, I was agreeably surprised. I want- they read books. When I am on the metro and I visualize person or persons reading a work, they will be 24, and the person on the Kindle is 44 .” Young people love her. Young humen come up to her in Macy’s and keep telling her she has to change her judgments about humen in shorts; others have created chorus and memes about her. While Lebowitz cherishes to talk, she sees herself as a private person. ” Publicly, I don’t really talk about myself in a very personal action and I bid other parties wouldn’t either. I intend, partially this is because people my senility were raised that route. We were raised not to talk about ourselves. But I don’t really think about myself any more. It’s one of the upsides about going old-fashioned. I’ve lost interest .” Today’s young people” have always lives in a better environment where people asked them what they thoughts”, she says. ” When I was a child no one ever asked you a question- and I make no one. Children were told what the hell is do. From morning to nighttime, rules … No one ever asked about yourself, that is for sure. Unless you had a excitement, and even then they made your temperature and told you how you detected.’ I don’t feel well .” Yes, you do .'” Apart from taking part in the Trump resistance, Lebowitz does she has considered feeing for mayor of New York- except she doesn’t want to do any early starts.” I would consider being the night mayor and starting at 4pm ,” she says. ” You’re a nightmare already ,” I joke. ” Yeah, I don’t need to be elected to be a nightmare .” She searches out to the placid, leafy Melbourne street, seeing the flight dwelling to that metropolitan she exemplifies in so many courses.” You know what ,” she answers.” I can’t do that trip again. It’s nice here. I’ll get someone to send my nonsense .” Read more: https :// www.theguardian.com/ culture/ 2018/ disfigured/ 20/ fran-lebowitz-you-do-not-know-anyone-as-stupid-as-donald-trump http://dailybuzznetwork.com/index.php/2018/06/03/fran-lebowitz-you-do-not-know-anyone-as-stupid-as-donald-trump/

[recentanimenews]

FEATURE: Crunchyroll Favorites 2016, Part Three: Everything Else!

Superhero friendships ended, the Death Star plans were stolen, we experienced more reboots than you could possibly imagine (although really, that's every year), and Emily cooked a lot of food. After looking at our favorite anime and manga in Part One, and our favorite games in Part Two, we're gonna close up Crunchyroll Favorites 2016 with our favorite EVERYTHING ELSE--movies, books, comics, and more! Let's get started!

  NATE MING (@NateMing)

Voltron: Legendary Defender- I think it's safe to say that Voltron--the US edit of Beast King GoLion--was what got me into anime in the first place, so I was pretty skeptical of this new take on the story by the creators of The Legend of Korra. Thankfully, I had absolutely nothing to worry about, as this is a really fun reboot that not only keeps the high-energy feel of the original, but also pays homage to both Voltron and GoLion. I can't wait for the next season (also, Shiro's totally gonna die).

    Ip Man 3- The first Ip Man was a cool quasi-historical beat-em-up with some great setpieces, but the second was only okay despite bringing in the legendary Sammo Hung. We're back to the good stuff with the third go-around--the Donnie Yen vs. Mike Tyson headliner is pretty awesome, but the real star is a rival Wing Chun instructor, played by Max Zhang.

    Star Trek Beyond- I've always liked Star Trek more than Star Wars, and while Rogue One was great, the real surprise for me was Star Trek Beyond--co-written by Simon Pegg--going back to the series' optimistic roots and giving every character a chance to shine. Justin Lin already has experience delivering with ensemble actioners, and the Enterprise herself has never looked cooler. Just goes to show you can't always judge a movie by its trailer.

    Shin Godzilla- This isn't the alpha predator from the 2014 US reboot--the King of the Monsters and reluctant, almost accidental protector of humanity. Hideaki Anno's Godzilla is a ruthless force of nature, death personified that leaves a trail of destruction and levels the heart of Tokyo in mere moments when pushed. Bureaucracy is the real enemy here, as the film constantly switches from meeting to meeting to planning session and back to another meeting to discuss the results of that planning session--sure, Godzilla's blowing stuff up, but nobody wants to take responsibility and act. I hope Anno gets another shot at the King, because this was fantastic.

    The VVitch- Low-key, creeping horror can be very hit or miss, but The VVitch wins by never letting you settle down or feel safe. Spot-on period presentation brings us into an American colonial family banished to the frontier for being too religious for settlement life, and how their fanaticism is just as destructive as the dark forces that are literally at their doorstep.

    Baskin- On the other hand, Baskin just goes all-out in its ferocity and surreal visuals, where five overly-macho cops investigate a cult and all hell breaks loose. Baskin is horror purity, almost like watching David Lynch join forces with Gareth Huw Evans--hold on tight, this one is absolutely not for the faint of heart.

    Batman vol. 2 (The New 52)- Western comics rarely end, or at least they very rarely have good stopping points, which is why I was so satisfied with Scott Snyder and Greg Capullo's New 52 run on Batman. From introducing new villains to really focusing on Batman's relationships with Alfred and Jim Gordon, this 50-issue run came to a close this year with an awesome, gigantic kaiju battle in the middle of Gotham. What's best, you barely need any background character knowledge to get started--just pick up Court of Owls and read all the way through to Superheavy. It's so damn good.

    Monstress- Gorgeous, mysterious, and part of an intricate and sometimes terrifying world, Monstress has me hooked. Marjorie Liu and Sana Takeda have crafted something that I try and show off every chance I get, something I want everyone to be a part of--a fantasy-horror story of revenge and intrigue set in an Asian-mythology-inspired world is just too good to pass up, especially when it looks this good.

  by 多無

  Fanart Friday comes to an end- After five years, I decided to close down my signature Crunchyroll column so I could focus on other projects. Fanart Friday - The Final Edition came on September 23, 2016, the exact fifth birthday of Fanart Friday, and it was great to say goodbye to the audience that was there every Friday for a half a decade. What's coming up next? Shaw City Strikers, a martial arts comic (and homage to shonen manga) I'm working on with some friends, and my new column BETTER NATE THAN NEVER. Stay tuned!

    That one tweet- It's nice to see this tweet still making the rounds. The initial explosion was a sight to behold--it just goes to show that 1) being in the right place at the right time is a real thing and 2) you know you've made good content when people brazenly steal it and claim it as their own. Also, 3) you know you did a good thing when it makes actual Nazis mad.

  PETER FOBIAN (@PeterFobian)

  Crunchyroll x Funimation- My personal favorite anime couple of 2016. The partnership between Crunchyroll and Funimation may just be the biggest news for western anime fans since Crunchyroll itself appeared. It’s one of those “everyone wins” situations that’s almost unbelievable. More free streaming anime, subbed and dubbed, for everyone.

    Westworld- I’m a die-hard Anthony Hopkins fan, love westerns, and love love love psychological thrillers with existential implications, so basically Westworld was made specifically for me and me alone. I’m extremely concerned with the direction the story is taking with the finale, but everything this season has been tremendous. Their use of a hybrid maintenance process/psychological evaluation to drive story is inspired.

    Monstress- I have a love/hate relationship with American comics, and often take refuge in independent works. Monstress has me more excited about a Western comic than I have been since I started reading Powers. The world, designs, and style alone are so gorgeous I feel like I bought an art book, and the story holds a lot of promise with a supernatural revenge mystery with a predominantly female cast and divine implications.

    Netflix Horror Serials: Stranger Things, Penny Dreadful, Hemlock Grove, Black Mirror- I’m not exactly a horror junky, but I’ve definitely spent a lot of time with the genre and couldn’t be happier about Netflix Originals diving in. After years of sitcoms, procedurals, and conspiracy shows dominating the environment it’s great to see some new blood (usually a lot of it) making its way out of cinema and into more available media. Not all of them are revolutionary works of art but they’re bringing in new ideas.

    Captain America: Civil War- Like almost everyone, I’m a fan of the Marvel movies and feel like the Avengers movies turned over a new leaf with Civil War. Where previously they were the campier, less-directed collaborations of the more interesting personal narratives of the heroes solo adventures, Civil War was just right, reigning in the theatrics of Age of Ultron with a much tighter, character-driven story. I’m eager to see what the Russo brothers do with the MCU.

  KARA DENNISON (@RubyCosmos)

  Working in the Crunchyroll Newsroom!- I've worked as a subtitle editor/QCer for Crunchyroll's anime side for a while now, but this year I made the switch to the newsroom and it's some of the most fun I've had in ages. The people I'm working with are awesome (and a couple are old friends) and our chats throughout the day are both informative and hilarious. And hey, I can put on my resume that I've written about Tezuka's mouse porn.

    (Re)Generation Who- This was my second year working with this awesome Doctor Who convention, and I was so pleased to be back with them again in Baltimore. I got to meet Peter Davison, Anneke Wills, Michael Troughton, and so many others who made the weekend amazing (not to mention re-meeting Colin Baker, Nicola Bryant, and even more). Hanging out with them -- whether during an interview or at the bar -- is a delight and a privilege, and I can't wait to see what year 3 will be like!

    SPACE.- Curiosity's 360 view of Mars posted as an interactive Facebook video. Watching the Pegasus XL rocket launch live. And the fact that the rest of the world is enthusiastic about it. I'm a big space geek and I always love finding more big space geeks. The fact that the majority of the people I encounter are just as ready to freak out about how awesome space is as I am is... well, AWESOME.

  EVAN MINTO (@VamptVo)

  Chapo Trap House- In the US, politics defined 2016, for obvious reasons. And for many like me on the left side of the spectrum, the political comedy podcast Chapo Trap House has served as an unexpected but welcome guide through the past year. But don’t let me get TOO sincere on you; the hosts have got a penchant for the ironic and absurd, as you might expect from a podcast named after a drug cartel that started off with analysis of pundits’ sexual pathologies and satirical praise for the Turkish deep state. Then again, between the brilliant comedy, they’ve inspired a lot of listeners like myself to get more involved in local politics, a feat that’s likely as baffling to them as it is to the political establishment they love to hate.

    Zootopia- Who would have thought a talking animal Disney movie would steal the hearts of jaded adults like me in 2016? On charm alone, Zootopia is one of my favorite American animated movies of recent years, with its carefully observed and animated animal behavior. The diverse cast of animals allows the animators to portray a similarly diverse range of exaggerated personalities — the tiny, timid rabbit, the brawny, surly bison—and the breezy script puts them all to brilliant comedic effect. But what really impressed me was Zootopia’s social commentary, which uses a mess of stereotypes of both predators and prey to shine a surprisingly stark light on real-world issues of race relations and criminal justice. It’s classic Disney meets contemporary Disney!

    Captain America: Civil War- I’ve got a bad case of Marvel fatigue (you’ll notice Doctor Strange didn’t make my list), but sometimes the Marvel Cinematic Universe still surprises me. Directors Anthony and Joe Russo, back after the previous high point of the film series, The Winter Soldier, deliver a similarly gray portrait of the Avengers, with the character flaws of the famed superheroes laid bare. It’s not as political as I would have liked, but Civil War is a surprisingly personal film with a deliberately unsatisfying, morally ambiguous finale. And yes, though he feels like a bit of an afterthought, the movie also has the greatest on-screen Spider-Man yet. Homecoming couldn’t come any sooner.

    Rogue One: A Star Wars Story- We’re just one year into the new annual schedule of Star Wars movies, so I can still muster some excitement about Disney’s reimagining of one of my all-time favorite franchises. Rogue One stumbles a bit at the beginning, introducing too many characters and planets without justifying their presence, but once the team comes together and heads off to steal the Death Star plans, the movie really kicks into gear. Seeing a classic Return of the Jedi-style space battle is enough to awaken some strong nostalgia even from me, but it’s the thematic resonance with the later films that really makes it all work — the forgotten art of the force, the Rebels’ desperation in the face of the Empire, and of course, the sheer terror of facing Darth Vader.

  SAM WOLFE (@_Samtaro)

  Rogue One: A Star Wars Story- Despite the release of The Force Awakens last year, Disney has already released a new Star Wars movie this year, and it’s a breed apart from what we’re traditionally used to. Rogue One took risks, and while some die-hard fans may have left the theater conflicted, the movie succeeded in exploring a side of the Star Wars universe never before seen on the big screen. This is the first time in history that two Star Wars movies have been released theatrically in two years consecutively, and although some fear that the brand might suffer from overexposure, it certainly hasn’t gotten stale yet.

    Chris Niosi- A smaller story, but one that deserves recognition. Artist Chris Niosi, better known as “Kirbopher”, landed the role of Arataka Reigen in the English dub of Mob Psycho 100 this year. Niosi is known for numerous projects, including animation work on Skullgirls, lending his voice to several shows, and creating the web series TOME, a love letter to anime. This role, in my opinion, is significant because it cements Chris as an anime fan who made his dream of being an anime voice actor. Way to go, Chris.

    A Personal Note- Look, 2016 was a rough year for a lot of people for a lot of reasons. Without trying to sound too preachy, as we move into 2017, remember to be kind to one another. It’s very easy, and dare I say it, trendy, to be cynical and apathetic when the chips are down. Take time to recognize what you have to be happy about, and how you can make a positive difference in peoples’ lives around you. If anime has taught us anything, it’s that when somebody knocks you down, you stand right back up and look ‘em in the eyes. I hope everybody has a good 2017!

  NICK CREAMER (@B0bduh)

  Italy- I took a family trip to Italy this past spring, and visions of Venice’s nestled alleyways and Tuscany’s rolling hills have been dancing through my head ever since. The rural European aesthetic of shows like Kino’s Journey and Haibane Renmei has always been one of my favorite settings, and actually walking through cities that realized those majestic worlds felt like wandering through a dream. It was an inspiring trip, and I hope to one day return.

    Westworld- I haven’t really been making enough time for the big western TV dramas, but I was able to catch this year’s Westworld, and I’m glad I did. Though I found the show’s focus on mysteries at the expense of all else a little draining, the fundamental world it established was a fascinating place, and the show built up to some remarkable dramatic high points. It’s the kind of messy but ambitious narrative I always tend to root for, and the fact that it was populated by icons like Anthony Hopkins and Ed Harris certainly didn’t hurt, either.

    The VVitch- I’d actually almost forgotten The VVitch came out this year, but it was likely the most gripping new film I’ve seen. In lieu of jump scares or gross-out violence, The VVitch constructed a breathing world that promised danger around every turn, where the fear and distrust of its human characters was every bit as terrifying as its supernatural predators. There’s something fundamentally ominous about the New England countryside - a sense of old secrets and old grudges, a place where humans are not meant to tread. By emphasizing the alien danger of the natural world and tethering it to a precise and claustrophobic moment in history, The VVitch stands as one of the most powerful horror films in years.

  EMILY BUSHMAN (@yumpenguinsnack)

  Personal Favorite Anime Food of 2016: Mushroom and Cheese Gyoza from Food Wars- This dish never made an anime appearance in this season of Food Wars! but, having read the manga, I really wanted to try this dish out. Soma teaches the gyoza folding method to a class of kids he's teaching, and he lets them fill the gyoza with whatever they want. One kid picked mushrooms and cheese, which at first seemed weird but in hindsight obviously worked out well. Chop the cheese and mushrooms finely and toss with some sauteed onion. Mix with salt and pepper. And simply wrap in gyoza wrappers. It's simple, it's fun to make with friends or on your own, and holy cow, is it amazing! Best of all, the ingredients are easily interchangeable with your own personal favorites, so it's a great recipe to experiment with. I told my housemates that they could eat all the extras I'd made...and sadly had nothing to show after an hour in the kitchen. I'd eaten them all.

    Fan-favorite Anime Food of 2016: Katsu Pirohzki from Yuri!! On ICE- This was a big surprise for me. First of all, it's not the easiest thing to make at all. It requires a lot of focus, lots of parts working together, and an ability to handle sticky dough, in excess. Second, it wasn't actually all that amazing tasting. It's an extremely hearty dish, like a lot of Russian foods, and left me feeling over-full after eating one. I also found that I had to dip it in a sauce to heighten the flavor pay-off. For a recipe designer, the ideal is to have a perfectly seasoned, delicious dish, which isn't exactly what happened. But the story behind the dish makes it all worth it, in my opinion. Who would have guessed that this show would be so popular? I love the character dynamics, and the plot was just charming. Best of all, it inspired lots of people to try making this dish, to recreate the magic for themselves. I got more hits on this recipe than anything else this year on Crunchyroll, which is why I designated it the fan-favorite dish of the year.

    Magical Roommate Favorite Anime Food of 2016: Sukiyaki from Princess Jellyfish- My roommate, Sarah, is my savior in times of crisis. When I have too much food, she always helps me eat it without a single complaint. So, I felt it was only right to give her a chance to choose her favorite recipe of the year. Princess Jellyfish is by no means a 2016 original, but I came across the recipe for this dish late 2016, and made it for my friends. We all love this show, and had all watched it together when it aired a few years ago. So, I had a hunch they'd enjoy a recipe from the anime, and I was right. It was an instant hit! My darling roommate, who I depend on to eat basically everything I make, elected this as her favorite dish of the year. According to her: "I like it cuz it was just as good as the one we had in Japan and I liked how interactive it was with not only the food but with our friends. I loved the veggies just as much as the meat and the sauce was to die for. It was super fun to eat with everyone and compete for the food with our friends."

    A Gathering of Shadows by V.E. Schwab- A brilliant sequel to a fantastic first book. The story focuses on a guy named Kell, one of the few remaining members of his kind of magic wielders, and his struggle to protect his adopted family from harm while also living free of their over-bearing protection. Along the way he makes friends with a cut throat thief who keeps him alive, mostly to suit her own desires, a prince who's too good at heart for his own good, and a dashingly dangerous ship's captain who's in the business for the keeping and collection of the deepest and darkest of secrets. I was startled to find that this book not only added onto the world building of the first novel, but did so in a way that skillfully integrated the events of the first book into the second. A heart-wrenching and gut-clasping read the entire way through. The first book in the series is called A Darker Shade of Magic. Not 100% necessary to enjoy the sequel, but it would definitely help.

    Morning Star by Pierce Brown- A great cap to a fantastic space opera-y series. This story follows the life of one man, Darrow, and his quest to overthrow a government that takes care of the best of society at the expense of a those considered the lowest. Racism at its worst. What else is new in a sci-fi novel? It's a familiar plot carried out with the elegance and grace of a particularly dangerous chess game. This book takes no prisoners, cuts your throat, and leaves you to die. And while you're busy trying to return from the dead, it carries on carving a savage path of friends loved and lost, lives risked and gambled away, dirty, secret games played in the dark, and an ending that eviscerates you, heart and soul. The first in the series is called Red Rising. I recommend you start there, unless you like working your way backwards.

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And that's a wrap for our three-part series! Be sure to check out Part One and Part Two if you missed them! If you're still in the mood for past CR Favorites, check out the previous years' features here:

  Crunchyroll Favorites 2015 Part One Part Two Part Three

Crunchyroll Favorites 2014 Part One Part Two Part Three

Crunchyroll Favorites 2013 Part One Part Two Part Three

Crunchyroll Favorites 2012 Part One Part Two Part Three

Crunchyroll News' Best of 2011 Part One Part Two

  What were your favorite "everything elses" of 2016? Remember, this is a FAVORITES list, not a BEST OF list, so there's no wrong answers--sound off in the comments and share your favorites with us!

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Nate Ming is the Features and Reviews Editor for Crunchyroll News, creator of the long-running Fanart Friday column, and the Customer Support Lead for Crunchyroll. You can follow him on Twitter at @NateMing.

By: news+feed@crunchyroll.com