#still am i think .
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my time in college wasn’t actually that repressive outside of the required theology classes I mean a girl I sat next to had condoms in her purse.
#I shoulda partied more. oh well#idk I was lightweight prude#still am I think#but to be fair I have anxiety and chronic stomach illnesses#so I cant really drink. don’t plan to either
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see 0 note flop posts aren't that bad when they're personal but 0 note fandom posts feel literally so bad. like if you don't wanna play toys with me anymore just say that. i'll pack up my super cool awesome things and go and i'll sit on the other side of the playground by myself and i won't even look at you. fuck
#yes i AM thinking about a particular post. no it wasn't that good but still. a moment of heartache for sure#like it feels so bad but im too prou dto delete it and also too lazy
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i am a being capable of immeasurable love and whimsy
#and also. am a ilittlel kitty :3#mine#cats#brain empy. felt tip cats ONLY#we were promised snow today n then they decided actually :) rain all day for u#i bought new wool for a cardigan today im SO excited its gna be so colourful#i was going to do some sort of Thing on the back like a heart or something but im still too scared to do colour changing stuff#maybe....maybe next time#i think i will try a patter w like. an actual grid with it first rather than just rawdog it#bc i . do not know what im doing :3
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today in church one of the priests referred to trans people as "those who are growing into the gender they were called to be" and i'm kind of enjoying the idea of like....divinely ordained top surgery
#if god thinks i should get top surgery he needs to venmo me $9000 usd#there was someone in the gay social hour who said she had gotten kicked out of multiple catholic churches (for being trans)#and her therapist recommended this church specifically....#going into affirming churches still makes me a little emotional if i am being fully honest. if you have an affirming religious space#i hope you can hold onto that shit with your life#anyway. charming way to think about it i like it more than the bread and wine one personally#me#edit: to clarify this was at an episcopalian church
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couldnt draw my thang for mid-autumn so treated myself to a calne redesign instead
#calne ca#hatsune miku#VOCALOID#cw: body horror#<- And I Fucking Mean That We Are Not Fucking Around Today#well we are. as in I drew this as a fuckaround treat for myself#but the body horror tag is the most warranted its ever been on this blog#ask to tag#I am as ever on my journey to make calne ca Worse. her OG version is too cool. even the crab ver is too cool#I need her to be worse to look at. I am also getting myself into to mood to test my hand at boarding a pmv for my friend's cover#I think my thought for this was ''I should try and give her a more insectoid bodyplan''#which in this mostly means gently three-part body and six limbs (my favourite amount of limbs to draw rn)#actually almost gave her eight but didnt like how that silhouette came out so I mermaided her uh. abdomen I guess#though maybe next time I do this I should push that idea more. the head and torso are still very distinct for one unified part#I feel like one of my old attempts was onto something with like. a more horizontal body plan... well! live and learn etc#happy late mid autumn I guess. I should play with touys about it... I miss model kits. mayhaps...
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midoriya-sensei!
#do u understand. how happy i am to hear he pursued teaching. do u even understand#i also like to think him and bkg still keep in touch relatively more than him and his other classmates cus their families are close#bnha#mha#midoriya izuku#bakudeku#bakugou katsuki#bkdk#fan art#becki draws stuff n stuff#bnha manga spoilers#mha manga spoilers#mha 430
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Hey now, Let her cook!
#dungeon meshi#chilchuck tims#senshi#laios touden#marcille donato#izutsumi#oyasumi punpun#<- In case you are wondering what the source for the little bird guy is.#Yeah that's right. I'm back to my extremely obscure crossover BS.#Punpun is one of those series that falls under the category of 'Good! but I cannot responsibly recommend this to anyone."#If Dungeon Meshi is like a friend asking you to go on a quick errand and you accidently go on a life changing roadtrip -#Punpun is your friend asking to go on a quick errand and they pull up to the vet and tell you your dog is being put down.#Then they explode into sludge. Melting your car. You hitchhike back but the person who picked you up is an axe murderer.#I could not finish it. My friends who did say it was good. But agree it was for the best I did not finish it.#Hey speaking of tone twists...We are one episode away from one of my favourite chapters being animated!#WHO'S READY FOR THE SENSHI BACKSTORY! WHO IS READY TO CRY!#ME! I AM! I spooked my flatmate with how energetic I was this morning. I'm vibrating with energy I was not designed to contain.#I should talk about today's episode here: It was very good. I love how they animated the familiars.#And!!! Anime only people now are in the loop on the Chilchuck lore. Part 1 of many. He still contains multitudes.#They all do to be honest! If this episode told us anything it was that we still don't know these characters as well as we think!#See you guys next week. I'll be inconsolable.
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wound tending is everything. unparalleled intimacy. let me care for you. let me touch the skin around your open flesh. let me stain my hands with your blood. let me get close and breathe in the same air as you and stare into your eyes for a few seconds too long. let me make you think of me every time you see the bandage, or scar
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just how long is forever? // not long enough, with you
pssst. check this out on inprnt :]
#pssst also. you should click/zoom on this. for better quality and to see all my silly little details :] hooty hoo#this is my totkversary thing im just too impatient to wait till the 12th LOL. big shoutout to this game tht has ruined my life. and zelink.#zelink#light dragon#link#zelda#loz#totk#princess zelda#totk spoilers#link totk#zelda totk#tears of the kingdom#loz fanart#i had soooo much fun drawing this i really did. i think this is a good capstone piece for how much ive improved so far this year#i still have a long ways to go ofc but. i am pleased ^_^ nd i am glad i can use zink like experiments to do so hehe#anyway. YURI FOREVERRRRR BITCH#my art
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#pets#pet grief#tw animal death#animal death#grief#pets are family#i am still grieving the death of my dogs#I don’t think I will ever get over them#because i will love them forever#what is grief if not love persevering
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catalysts, protectors
#man those episodes#so many things put into perspective#like Simon’s role as a protector and his kindness and empathy and compassion and existence being the catalyst for the rest of ooo to#flourish#and Betty is a protector of Simon#I wonder if the last two episodes will explore more of her character? there’s so much to be explored about her giving so much of herself#to Simon but not thinking about what she wants for herself#do we get to explore her feelings or see her at all? will she have changed or learned to let go#I think there will be some sort of closure for the both of them#but at what cost#I am still crying over that scene with Simon’s memory of Betty and their song#my art#fionna and cake#fionna and cake spoilers#simon petrikov#betty grof#petrigrof#golbetty
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drawpile with the gang
i think the three of them should kiss
#my art#dungeon meshi#chilshi#chilchuck tims#senshi#extra thanks to cab and paes for being as insane as i am#i'm still annoying sorry. sorry. sorry sory#i dont think i need to clarify but thats chilchucks wife. in the one with marci and the last one. thats his wife. his wife.#pots n picks#Chilchuck sandwich
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does anyone have like an anti aesthetic. like something you look at and can recognize as a complete fashion/interior design/artistic movement and understand it but it makes you shudder seeing it. i am not talking like “its morally bad” “its poorly structured” like just sheerly devoid of joy for you actually invites a repulse response.
#also if it wasnt clear this isnt ‘its bad its lazy’ there is a level of like#completion consistancy i am thinking for with this#personally i really do not enjoy the like. vintage chic long red nails fur coats noir esque aesthetic HOWEVER 💥💥💥#i can recognize that it is put together it is Intentional#i feel like a lot of people are going to say minimalism on this so LET ME SAY 🫰☝️ i recognize that minimalism is Considered an aesthetic#but i *PERSONALLY* do not consider it an aesthetic i consider it the void of one#it is a lapse in aesthetic or personality in the same way a silence in a song is still technically a ‘beat’ but no music is played#however the importance of Space or Breath in design is more akin to a purposeful silence in music#because that silence matters in the same way rhythm and breath in design do#so i guess minimalism is more comparable to like. white noise. the sound of a fan#very little effort and there is a comfort in it i suppose but its not. A Design. okay#TO ME 🤫#if minimalism has one hater its me if minimalism has no haters im dead
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need to share an experience i had 30 minutes ago
(edit: thanks to @walks-the-ages for providing and reminding me to put alt text, sorry it slips my mind alot lol)
#my hands are still shaking to be quite honest i could not put a lot of effort into this.#but like. brain. why did you do that#literally i have been like hopelessly obsessed with de nonstop thinking abt it for the past couple of days it is Scaring me#it is terminal its soooo fucking chronic#disco elysium#kim kitsuragi#for anyone who wants to know i bumped into some guys car that was stopped for a school bus. i think my brain errored and thought#my foot was fully pressing down on the brake pedal but it wasnt.#i am like 99.99 percent sure neither of us had any major damage to our cars but we still filed a police report just in case#because insurance do be a bitch. dudes back bumper was scratched lightly and my front license plate has a dent now#also literally my first ever car accident that ive had ever yippee yay
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Nothing will dispell the "the curtains were just blue" myth faster than writing something yourself, because the amount of pretentious symbolism i am putting in my silly little fanfics is ridiculous. I mean SO much with these words, literally every single one of them. This fic has twenty five typos and zero correct uses of punctuation but if there's curtains you bet your ass I put thought into what colour they were.
#writing#fic writing#like this is stuff i'm doing for fun with my perfectionism meter turned down as far as i can get it#and i am still thinking about it A LOT#talk to me about how in red string fic jgy perceives the memory block both as syrup and as mud but nmj thinks it feels like blood#it's just a thing in their heads that mentally feels kind of thick and sticky but they both made something different of it#it's about issues with cleanliness / lies as a way to craft an illusion of a better lopking world vs the constant violence nmj lives in
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having good & true friends will literally save and protect you in a million unfathomable ways. like okay we have written so many times about lovers. but the way a platonic friend laughs and cries with you. the way they hold your hand at 14 years old and at 34. the way they keep a little silver tie to you, touching base over and over and over. how you can go years without talking, only to re-meet and discover: oh shit! you're still cool!
there are people who have been in my life for more than half of it, and i have loved every version of them. do you know how fucking beautiful that is. yeah love will save the world. but the way friends love you is gonna save the you.
#and before one of u is like '' i have no friends :(" i used to be there too actually#abusive partner cut me off from ALL of 'em. i didn't think i was lovable#it made me EXCEPTIONALLY shy. i still am actually!!!!#i just ... started saying ''yes.''#i would take pictures of flyers in my library and go to whatever events they had#i started taking community classes#if someone mentioned like ''i am gonna start x group'' i actually took a deep breath#and approached them to be like . okay i want in.#i started making the first move with new people - a small compliment#a smile or a little joke. just to share the space with them.#i have MASSIVE social anxiety. bad parent and bad relationship will do that to ya.#but i just... kept going. and going. and going. to each of these little things. and then...#like. .... idk i just am very blessed. i have a STUPID number of friends#a lot of which i reconnected with. bc it turns out love is never wasted. adult life just.#like. gets in the way. but also... i loved u as a weird little kid. i love u now as a weird big adult.#i promise i PROMISE ur friends are out there. u just have 2 find them. and btw#i didn't make friends with everyone. but i did get a lot of people to smile or laugh.#aint that something.#this process took me something like 2 years. it was HARD!!!!!!!!!!#i love u!!! hard things are often worth it!!!
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