#still Plaguing Me but it was literally. just a dream. but also im like What If Its Not im gonna go insane

[backseatloversz]

you are not your passing thoughts and you are not your dreams and you are not your subconscious and they cannot hurt you or anyone else. okay

[dalekofchaos]

The downfall of Emilie Autumn, was just sad

I honestly gotta say that Emilie Autumn was my life. From 2010-2020. She was my world. She was my goddess. I was at my lowest point when I found her music and she uplifted me throughout my terrible depression. I even got into her Asylum Facebook group, I got my Plague Rat #W25Z got a lot of interactions with Emilie in the group and got this lovely email from Emilie.

Then in 2020 I found out she was a racist, was using BLM to make money off of it and was silencing black and POC voices on her instagram and then the Asylum facebook group just stopped altogether. No one got to comment and no one could use their voices.

Never meet your heroes 😔 but the good that came out of all the drama is I got some really good friends out of the plague rats I did meet.

I stopped caring for Emilie Autumn after the incidents, if you don't know what I mean, read this masterpost and this post of her old controversies.

But this comment on reddit sums up why her career never went anywhere.

"Whatsup with Emilie these days?

So i was a fan in high school but she literally stopped producing and performing after fight like a girl i assume? I know she played in a horror movie but what does she do now for a living and im suprised she didn't became a bigger artist during the years"

"Uuh. Where to start...The movies flopped ("The Devil's Carnival"), partly because of development hell that delayed production of the second movie for years and the hype died down, partly because the concept was great but the movies were... not that good. She was best buds with the director for a few years around the time they were released; like many of her friends over the years, he seems to have disappeared from her life since then (more on that later). But she did start a relationship with her co-star Marc Senter; they're still together and seemingly happy.

The projected Asylum Musical (that she was originally planning to premiere in 2014, lol - she's been talking about it for over a decade...) has yet to come to fruition. She moved to NYC in large part for this purpose (to be closer to Broadway). She hired a voice coach and started taking ballet lessons to prep for playing her own role. She went through a period of making wild casting announcement of the Famous Friends she'd met through "Devil's Carnival" - like Adam Pascal as Dr Stockhill (unclear whether this was just for fun / a favor for his co-star at the movie premiere, or if he was actually interested in the role), or Ted "Jesus Christ Superstar" Neeley as Sir Edwards (hilarious). But now it's 2023, she appears/claims to still be composing and writing the score and even altering some character names (we'll get to that), all the supportive Famous Friends seem to have vanished, and we seem nowhere closer to an actual Asylum Musical on this plane of existence.

But hey, it's the entertainment industry - many people try to get a shot at making their dream musical a reality, and fail. C'est la vie - maybe she just got unlucky, right? Well... maybe so, but other elements suggest that it's something other than just shit luck. First of all, EA does not appear to understand how Broadway works, or that it applies to her too. None of her projected timelines ever made sense. She "doesn't want" (couldn't get) outside investors, so she's planning on financing it all herself (BUT HOW??? oh, nevermind, we'll get to that too). SHe also seems insistent on debuting on Broadway, and nowhere else - no off-Broadway or local theaters for this gal! Nevermind the fact that she's got zero professional experience writing, directing or producing a musical, and that no Broadway professional in their right mind would ever give a slot to a niche musical by a basically-unknown indie artist.

In general, she seems reluctant to work with other people or meet their expectations... which is a problem for such a project. For instance, the closest we got to an "actual" production announcement was that a theater school was going to workshop Emilie Autumn's "Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls" next semester. IIRC, she promoted this and said she was excited. And then... nothing. No news for weeks. When people went back to the school's website, the announcement had been completely removed. And that was that. What on Earth happened, that the school didn't even want to publicly acknowledge this change of plans? Methinks they realized that they had been misled (ie the musical was not finished), or there was a MASSIVE conflict with Emilie that led to the workshop falling through.

Then, there's the gradual vanishing of everyone who had originally let her (in earnest or as a joke, we'll never know) attach their sometimes Very Famous names to her Very Obscure and Unfinished Project. And that includes... Veronica Varlow! Yeah, you read that right. Even though they now live in the same city, they haven't talked in years and don't follow each other on IG. It must have been something big, because some time ago, EA made a very unsubtle announcement about changing the name "Veronica" (the Asylum character who became Emily's tragic lesbian lover in the 87459th reworking of the story) to "Charlotte" because "I have been told that Veronica sounds anachronistic in Victorian England" (sure hun, if you say so). I still wonder whether it was EA writing her ex-BFF out of her life in a ridiculously dramatic way, or whether it was VeVa who asked EA to keep her name out of her mouth... and her script.

So yeah. She's not friends anymore with any of the people you remember from being a fan in high school. She's living in NYC, and pretending there's a musical in the works. She's also been making visual art for a couple years. Personally, I really like her mixed-media art with medical supplies - I think it's some of her most interesting work in years, better than the last two albums. But then, recently, she, uh... tried something else. I'll just let you search this sub for "AI" because I still can't wrap my head around What the Fuck She Was Thinking and it's exhausting to even recount.

tl;dr - She never became a bigger artist because she's been stuck on the same stale, unrealistic project for 10+ years, because she stopped touring and releasing new music, and because she's seemingly alienated all of her friends and industry connexions... as well as most of her ever-shrinking fanbase. A real shame all around."

[rianafying]

i’m having a really bad day emotionally. idk if it’s my period hormones or bpd but i’m just in a really sucky mood today. yesterday i recovered from one illness that i had since late jan. i’ve been desperately waiting to feel better and this morning i woke up with another kind of illness. and i’m doing my best to recover from this as well. and something triggered my abandonment response and im just having a really really hard time right now. and i can’t even freely talk about it to anyone or even write about it in my journal. i’m just. so sad right now. i’m not abandoned but i feel that way. i have been feeling abandoned for a while now and a small thing that happened last night really amped it up. then this morning i woke up with a crazy amount of physical pain and fever from said illness and im also severely dehydrated because i have been too upset to drink water so i’ve been forcing myself to drink lots of water all day. and had to take painkillers and sleep the fever off. all by myself. i hate being by myself. but it was worse when i was living with family back in bangladesh. somehow i felt even lonelier and more horrible there. lately i’ve had very little hope about myself and my future. i’m just going through a rough time mentally. so are my loved ones. i’m sobbing as i’m writing about this. this isn’t even bad. like it’s just my mental illness over reacting and my hormones possibly amplifying the negative emotions. but nothing terrible has actually happened it’s just that i wanted something and i can’t have it and even in my dreams, my desires plague me. it all sounds vague but that’s on purpose because i can’t openly talk about it. even when faced with much greater difficulty, i have handled things better but right now even though it’s not actually that bad, i feel exceptionally sad. i did my groceries. made the right decisions. i literally did my very fucking best today. and yet i feel nothing but awful awful awful. even some self hatred and self pity. i’m having a hard time trying to logic myself out of this one. maybe it just needs some time. the problem is that i don’t have all that much time to give. i have a class early tomorrow and it’s one of those classes that i really have to participate in and even though i normally look forward to this class, im dreading it right now. i dont have the energy to learn a whole bunch of things right now. and my friends invited me for drinks after classes, which is great but sucks because i literally have 5$ in my bank account to last me the whole week, and today was just monday. idk how this happened. actually i know exactly how this happened, i paid of my medical bills when i got paid this weekend. that’s why i have nothing left. but it’s a big relief. that i have paid off all my hospital debt. it’s a huge deal. and it’s done. now temporarily i’ll struggle a little but it’ll be okay soon. also it was just 11:11pm and i made a good wish. i’m going to try my best to bring it to fruition. rn im still a bit sick, and im not gonna beat myself up for having a bad couple of days. i know im doing my best. my best is not as good as other people’s but it’s mine. and i am choosing to go easy on myself. i’m feeling a fever coming back. the plan for the rest of the night is to maybe rest till my fever goes away. then watch the movies i downloaded w the library wifi, because guess what, i didn’t have money to get wifi this month. so i barely use my data and i try to download as much as i can at uni and at the library. it has been kind of good for me. to be off the internet mostly. this reminds me i should deactivate my instagram soon. idc if i loose my work flow. or maybe try to find balance between life offline and online. after i’m done resting and my fever subsides, ill boil some eggs and what not. i deserve to eat well. nvm im back to crying in my fetal position. oh god i feel so bad. i feel so bad right now. i can’t do anything about this. and the things that i can fix, i don’t. this is literally my life. crying about things i can’t control and ignoring the things i can control

this is the worst i have felt in 2024 so far. i’m so sad that it’s giving me a headache. i’m so disoriented and confused and tired and sad i don’t wanna do anything. i’m depressed as fuck. why does this happen to me. oh god i let a couple of hours pass, and i’m doing a little bit better. this is so stupid.

[abigail-nicole]

tgcf liveread 10

part ten of my livereading of TGCF, Heaven Official's Blessing, which you should buy officially in english to support gays and great novels. and danmei and chinese gay fantasy. listen when I grew up we didn't even DREAM about having official licensed translations of gay niche content. anyway let's start book Four on today's recap:

"I can’t think of anything this story doesn’t have, except for a functional straight couple" -me, reading Heaven Official's Blessing, April 2020

originally tweeted 4/2/2020

Book 4 starting with a literal Xie Lian Suicide Nightmare!!!! This book is gonna Go Like That Huh!!!!

reading xie lian poor & starving is giving me Anxieties & Flashbacks

& now desperation drinking oh no

I know there are Bai Wuxiang/Xie Lian shippers out there

this is some fucking psychological horror

Absolutely people ship these two, beauty & the beast style, 50 shades style but where she left him after the first book and they didn’t get back together i stopped reading after that

I mean right now bai wuxiang is the most interesting thing happening in xie lian’s beginning of book 4 tragedy life so

Hella TW CW violence on these but OH MY GOD THIS IS SOME HORROR

ahhhhh i cant tweet anything about this chapter it’s really too much. Except for The Birth of a Ghost at the end

I KNOW SOME PEOPLE SHIP THIS

I understand why, & it’s because attraction is a form of power and power is often a root of attraction and clearly there’s some fucked up power dynamics here

IS THIS RUOYE

I feel like mxtx just came to my house and stabbed ME, PERSONALLY,

dianxia about to qi deviate

WHAT THE FJCK EXCUSE ME MOM & DAD

I WASNT PREPARED FOR THIS

WHERES MY EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SCARF WEAPON PET

oh there it is. Hi ruoye <3<3<3<3<3 i needed a good thing in this narrative rn <3<3<3<3

A) this is Badass I Love someone turning really evil OBVIOUSLY

B) Wei Wuxian?!!!?!!? Is this The Burial Mounds??? What did you do with Xie Lian?!? This isn’t your book

There’s a Lot happening here and I’m kinda.....really into Black Lady Evil Magical Girl Dianxia

Chapter 192 is SO GOOD oh my god

This is an extremely Hua Cheng moment. “You’re already dead”????!!!!!!!!

mxtx, probably: ....too much soft boyfriends....this could use some more body horror

okay I didn’t realize when Xie Lian entered the Kiln that he was ALREADY A GHOST KING

he can’t kill himself & become a ghost and then kill bai wuxiang and emerge from the Kiln as a Ghost King....because he already tried that once

Is it like him from the future or something bc this is getting fucked up???? I mean i trust mxtx’s plotting

nope nope nope

even when this is like Evil Version Xie Lian it’s still incredible & I’m cheering for him to be Really Evil

(i dont want wuming to be hua cheng tho let him have other friends)

Oh that’s the second ascension huh

ascension 1: fighting bridge demon thing. ascension 2: stopping the human face plague. ascension 3: being daddy's favorite

Jun Wu’s like “But please don’t do that though”

okay i got through book 4 and that was a lot more & also shorter than i expected

Now it’s a Crown Prince-off in the Kiln tonight, fine scholars

......um? this got very Mecha huh

CALLED OUT BY MU QING

i’m glad shi qingxuan is back i missed them!!!

There’s a lot more plot-wrap-up than I thought there was gonna be, honestly

This actually makes the most sense as a plot explanation

WAIT DAD NO!!!! JUN WU!!!!!!!!!

just like a real dad, I feel very betrayed

I Still Love Ruoye The Most

This is a very classical Action Movie wrapup so far

Ah yes, Solve The Problem By Injuring Myself: a Classic mxtx protagonist move

another little side dish of horror for our Evil Crown Prince and the human face disease

some hua cheng backstory!!!!!! Crumbs of it!!!! I cling to it!!!!!!!!!!

This novel is so interestingly not like mdzs? Much more comprehensive, longer, bigger scope, more of an adventure story. Also probably a better-written novel, though translation being what it is, i can only speak to plot & planning & pacing

Im trying to think of other books this long and immersive i wanted to eat recently & really only came up with the wheel of time (less like this) & the baroque cycle (more like this, less romance)

XIE LIAN OUT OF THE CLOSET AT LAST!!!!!

I can’t think of anything this story doesn’t have, except for a functional straight couple

I also purposefully didn’t emotionally engage much with book four brcause torture & suicide cw tw real hard & i can read it but....i’m not gonna sit here & live out those scenes in my head like I do for the rest

This ‘bringing your boyfriend home to uncle’ scene with uncle bing like “JUST DON’T DATE THAT HORRIBLY UNFORTUNATE BOY DOWN THE STREET” & Hua Cheng staring him down

IT’S NOT AN AFFAIR THEYRE ENGAGED xie lian just doesn’t realize it yet

Omg the DIANXIA GUNDAM is BACK

wait the heavenly city moves???!!!!! This is suddenly very big budget action movie (or some truly atrocious c-drama SFX)

This is a HELL OF A BOSS FIGHT....or should I say a HEAVEN of a boss fight......

“He owes me money” i died. i love hua cheng

TGCF Goes Gundam continued on tgcf liveread part 11!

[stevebabey]

NO STRESS ONLY STEW 2023 !!!! i love it so much ruby and yes honestly what is the internet if not a place to be like that together <3 and okay!! honestly ruby just being able to talk to u like this makes me rlly happy too, and im so so glad to be able to keep you company!! and im happy to keep u company any time you need it, just let me know lovely. and honestly i get that so hard, the brain is a wild and fickle creature that chooses what it wants and we have no say in it but its still fun LMAO and yes!! i loved it!! ive reread it so many times and it just. gets me every single time. i cried the first time i read it i loved it so much. BUT YES!!!!!! i love that that was the point, i love that you rlly did that and went for it and just. that's the entire point of life, to be able to do that w ppl you love, and its making me soft just thinking about it. but i am!! i think most of what i write is established relationships BUT i am also weak for friends to lovers, all the hot ppl love friends to lovers and since u love it u r a hot ppl too (AND GOD THE MUTUAL PINING.... CHEFS KISS) but honestly if anyone could hack into the established relationship fics it would be u, i'd read anything you write to be completely honest

ur very good company babylove <3 i will be sure to call out to the void lest loneliness and bad vibes plague me again

CRIED !? i genuinely can’t imagine anything i write actually making someone tear up :’) yes yes yes that’s like literally my dream bro, i said it so many times in the tags but laughter during sex is so intimate to me 😩 when is it my turn fr

also omg also a writer!!! u get the brain thing!!! thank u for calling me hot 😌 i think i am - and maybe what i’m missing is that there is indeed mutual pining within the relationship and actually i need to be writing u and steve completely obsessed with each other

[mbabol]

howwow night

finally. defeated soulmaster. jesus christ. i hated him. closest thing i felt to despair in this game

erm i only went that way to the city also bc npc told me i should get my weapon upgraded before i challenge mantislords. so i did. where am i gonna find ore btw

mantislords honestly ngl felt so much better than soulmaster. soulmaster made me wanna commit violence. mantislords made sense.

THE MANTISES ACCEPT ME NOW........THEY DONT ATTACK ME WTH

i havent even been able to keep up with the lore stuff. um. i didnt go into the deep nest yet bc i wanted to unlock the areas i could go with slam.

got lost trying to find the crystal slam spot and ended up getting into the caves thru some other bullshit path.

got EXTREMELY lost as a result, i hate thise flying crystal bugs btw

get so lost i fall into the burial mounds somehow (?)

DREAM VISION? I WAS RIGHT AGAIN THERES THREE GUYS AND A MAIN ONE. WHY ARE THEY HERE ? I WAS SO SCARED THAT I WOULD HAVE TO FIGHT

i was so impatient btw to get out that when the dream sequence wnded and i was supposed to follow the appearing steps i literally kept jumping off my platform before the steps could form. i did that like four times before i gave up and just waited to see what would maybe happen

SO THATS WHAT RHOSE WEIRDO TREES ARE FOR <- dream nail

i somehow make my way back to the crystal caves after all this. i hate most of these puzzles. i REALLYYYY hated the crusher puzzles. i legitimatelt thought i wouldnt be able to finish those

i did tho.

i think i finished most of the crystal caves....? i got the crystal power dash so. yeah

caterpillar grandpa gave me a grub charm !

went back to the city of tears dont rmember why. exploring. i opened sewers the first time around but didnt go in bc it was dark. went in with the firefly lamp thing i bought. its horrifying down there.

THE MOBS IN THE SEWERS WERE SO CREEPYYYYYY UGHHHH I HATED IT !!!

the sounds they made wrre so unpleasant i honestly need to go back to finish exploring bc i mightve missed loot. i defeated the sewer boss tho one try hell yeah

oh yeah i died like five times in the crystal caves

i lost money once too.

found kings station......intriguing. also the poor little rich citizen zombies. i feel so bad abt the one who runs away. am i the bad guy? ive got a couple more cutscenes and plaques that suggest that i might be

OH YEAH I KNOW NOW so it seems like someone called the hollow knight sacrificed themselves to contain the orange plague in some way. it doesnt look very contained to me, but idk if that means it didnt work or if this is the best they can do actually and its just not spreading further. so i assume the hollow knight like. holds it somehow. in their body. which im wondering if i will end up doing in the end. bc. from the early game comment. i might be a little bit hollow myself.

the ghosties also said something like fhe plague is coming back...? do we need to renew the seal or somethng? i knew it wasnt really working as planned

um also i challenged the red guy in the burial grounds. he also wasnt too bad especialg when i figured out he cant get me when im healing underneath rhe platform. so. he also said some strange things. why did he attack the king? why was it assumed i would also attack the king? i thought the king was providing me soul? why provide soul if he isnt benevolent? what would i gain from fighting him? questions wuestions

im also trying so hard to save these grubs I HAD TO GO IN A TOMB FOR ONE. RHERE WERE GROSS MUMMY MOBS !!! IT WAS DISGUSTING THE SOUNDSSS THEY MADE

uh also somewhere in fungal mounds or whatever its called theres a crying person but i cant figure out how to get to them to talk lol

theres also some puzzles that i couldnt figure out that i might retry. acid is somehow my worst enemy still

i have so many rancid eggs now. why am i collecting thwm ?

[smallbirdbigcoat]

OMG i love that!!!! blondie are SO good i love dancing to their stuff. do you have a favorite blondie song? its been good! very rainy & i had a test but i think i did good on it:) how was yours? top ten, i realised halfway thru i'd run of of like. text so i stopped giving long explanations … i am just very. talkative sometimes haha 1) lulu by metallica & lou reed: i am very much aware that it is considered one of the worst albums ever created but i PERSONALLY think thats cuz people just dont understand the concept of it. & are not familiar w/ lou's work. i think its a masterpiece i think its a very unique and poignant album and listening to it makes me go insane. i think its really just a phenomenal album and i will literally die on this hill. my #1 album of all time 1.5 (2) bummer by cleopatrick: i sometimes cite this as my favorite album of all time when i don't feel like causing drama over lulu. more often i'll cite it as my favorite album of all time because i am the hardcore cleopatrick fan ive been listening to them since like. 7th grade and i love this album so MUCH its literally so good, the lyrics are flawless the flow is phenomenal the drumming on this is LITERALLY unparalleled. and the guitar tone is SO good. and all the songs are sooooo good like 2008??? literally one of the best songs ever. great lakes is a masterpiece and so is vic park and the drake and…its just SO good. instantly lifts my mood 3) welcome to hell by venom: i love the evil vibe plus ppl take it so seriously when venom literally wear the sluttiest outfits possible

4) blank generation by richard hell: my first introduction richard hell was an article by lester bangs where he talked about how he thought richard hell's music is incredible and how he thought that richard hell had a great grasp of the problems of being alive in the 70s but his solutions were absolute dog shit. which made me want to listen to the album, as a good review will, and now its one of my favorite records. forever mad this is the only proper LP they did. i love his delivery, the guitar work is so unique, and i think the lyrics are still so real & relevant 5) pretty on the inside by hole: sooo raw im a big courtney fan tbh i love her work. holes best album was for sure live through this (nobody's daughter is a close second imo!) but pretty on the inside is my personal favorite cuz its pink! & bc i think its the rawest of holes discog. i like the discordantness of it its so exciting to me 6) welcome the plague year self-titled: PHENOMENAL scramz album its so raw & i think its the best album from that era of scramz & i just adore it. 7) germ-free adolescence by the x-ray specs: prob the only british punk band from the 70s or 80s id cite as a favorite, i just adore everything abt this album 8) lets take it to the stage by funkadelic: groovy! funky! rocking! also i love bootsy collins 9) are you experienced by the jimi hendrix experience: cures headaches somehow?? not complaining though 10) rust never sleeps by neil young: first neil young album i listened to, hes definitely my favorite singer/songwriter of the 70s :) honorary mention to blue by joni mitchell, grateful dead's 13th february 1970 at fillmore east show even tho its not an album, opening fire by powertrip & killing is my business… by megadeth i think i've put you through enough reading with this for today so have a nice day!! i hope the whole thing sends LOL

-❄️

that’s such a good list! i’ve just gotten into richard hell recently, and i haven’t listened to that full album yet but i’ll have to give it a go for sure!!!

picking my favourite blondie song is so hard omg. i’d probably have to go with dreaming, denis or hanging on the telephone, but picture this, in the flesh and atomic are very much up there! what’s your favourite?

[everything-laito]

Do you think Yui loves Laito? We talk about the boys’ feelings towards her but not the way around

Hi Anon! I’m so sorry about how late this is!!! I needed to go through a lot of monologues and do some extra research on my end :)

I believe so! Well, maybe not so much in HDB, but I believe she does in MB+ at least. I feel like we can trust her inner monologues more in MB+, since she's not being as manipulated in MB+ compared to HDB. Also, this is based off of Laito's route, because I don't have as much knowledge to comment on the other boys compared to Laito.

In contrast, I've recently done an ask if Yui has stockholm syndrome in every game here, but I'll go further in depth about Yui's feelings in regards to Laito here. 

As always, more under the cut!

I do believe in DF it’s easier to see how much Yui cares for Laito, but I do wanna say that in MB, she literally kills herself for Laito. Sure, it could be argued that she was still under his manipulative influence, considering Laito keeps her at home for the most part in MB, but I don’t see stockholm syndrome in MB+ as much as I see it in HDB (I don’t really see it at all in MB, just some massive manipulation). Yui feels more genuine, and less confused, especially in DF. She has come to terms with her sexuality (being into S/M for example) yet still balances it with her religion.

So! Let’s get into some monologues Yui said in DF!

Dark 06

Laito-kun remains deeply scarred to this day. Even though she is no longer in this world, that hasn’t changed. If possible, I’d love to liberate him from said pain. However, what can I do? Laito-kun compared his own circumstances, to my own and called us similar. However, personally, I felt as if we were worlds apart. What can I do against the loneliness plaguing him, to get rid of it once and for all?

Yui just has endless compassion for everyone, and towards Laito, it’s no different. Even though this doesn’t have explicit romantic love towards him, at the basis, she cares about him as a person and as a friend. Throughout Dark Fate and other monologues, we see that she is always trying to find a way to help heal Laito. If that isn’t some type of love, I don’t know what is. 

Dark 07

Right as I wished to support him in some way, Laito-kun proposed to me. This moment of bliss which felt like it came straight from a dream, was abruptly cut off by darkness...

This is part of the monologue, but the fact that she got excited of the proposition of marrying Laito (you can tell how different this was back in HDB) also shows something. [EDIT: I GOT THIS SCENE MIXED UP WITH ANOTHER ONE SO I FIXED THIS EXPLANATION IM SO SORRY] So I would say that is some evidence that she loves Laito in a romantic way as well, considering her reaction to that + her thoughts throughout the entirety of his DF route. 

In many other monologues too, we see that Yui is constantly trying to find a way to help Laito. She even tries to escape the castle to go get Kanato and Ayato because she thinks they could help. There’s many monologues on it, so I won’t paste all of them in here, but you can easily tell that she deeply cares for him. 

Here’s a conversation from Maniac 09 too:

Yui: However, I want you to believe me too. …Besides, just like you said you’re afraid of losing me, I’m terrified of losing you as well. …I don’t want to lose you. ( …Oh no, I’m gonna cry… )

Laito: Bitch-chan…

Yui: That’s why I couldn’t believe you when you decided to go to Karlheinz-san’s castle, nor did I want to believe it. So…Even if you would see it as me betraying you, or if I had to trick you… I just wanted to stop you.

HE STILL CALLS HER BITCH-CHAN EVEN THEN––LAITO READ THE ROOM

Just,,, I feel like this passage speaks for itself and I won’t go into it much. The fact that she wants to cry at the notion of Laito leaving her definitely says something. 

And here’s the kicker (or well, one of them), Maniac 10:

I’m shaking with anxiety. Even so, I decided to have faith in Laito-kun. Why? Because I love (愛している) him. We held hands, and embarked on our journey to Eden. I wonder what kind of future, awaits us there? The fear and worry which comes from taking a step into the unknown… were mutual between us.

In this passage, Yui uses the word 愛している (aishiteru) to refer to her emotions towards Laito. It is translated as “love,” which most definitely isn’t wrong. However, this specific word for love is a very strong one.

That’s all I have for now, but there’s an abundant amount of evidence to support that she does love Laito! At least in DF it’s very apparent. Since DF takes place outside of the Sakamaki mansion, Laito’s not able to isolate or manipulate Yui as well because he’s in an unfamiliar place. He’s also going through a lot emotionally throughout most of the game. This is why I definitely believe that these are Yui’s genuine feelings, and not the manipulated molded ones that came out of HDB. 

Again, I’m so sorry how late this is! I hope that you enjoyed it nonetheless :) Thanks for the ask!

—————————————————————————————-

KO-FI | ANALYSES MASTERPOST | ANALYSIS TAG | FAQ

[emmyrosee]

gosh, im so happy u reblogged the character bingo I've been dying to send u him. the man. the myth. the fattest ass in the family. miya osamu.

THE WHOLE ASS, THE LOVE OF MY L I F E🤤

(As you can see I got very excited for this HA-)

Also I stole this format for explaining from my lOVE @meloomi I hope you don’t mind! 🥺💍

If they were real I would marry them: even aside from all my posts and my memes for Osamu, I genuinely feel like he’d just be an amazing husband. He understands insecurities about feeling inadequate or not enough *cough* atsumu u bITCH, he works hard, literally opened a restaurant, and I just… like he’d be such a good husband, give him tO ME-

They’re like a blorbo to me: assuming I know what blorbo means (which I probably don’t LMAO), there’s just constantly a song or scenario where he’s the star, and it does bring me plenty of motivation and excitement to introduce him to said scenarios and make it reality

They’re deeper than they seem: going back to the first part, I feel like the insecurity piece is just. So real. Yes, he was liked among his peers, people said he was better than Atsumu at VB, but nothing hurts worse than being told you’re not good at something, than by your own twin, who’s been by you since day one. All that comparison, yet still not approved by his brother. And I feel like that really stuck with him, and now that his brother is this successful player? Come on. That must sting

I like them enough to project my own issues onto them: lmao pls see above HA- also if you’ve read any of my osamu angst, or even some of my fluff? Those very much stem from a place of MY insecurities, or from a place where Osamu’s love and playfulness is something I so desire to have, but fear I may never get the chance to.

I want to carry them in a handbag like a tiny dog: uhm he’s the literal cutest and I’d take him everywhere. If he were real and he were my man, I’m flaunting you EVERYWHERE dawg

I’m mentally ill about them: again, assuming this means what I think it means, I’m an absolute wreck over him. He plagues my dreams and heroes my nightmares. I can conjure any scenario and stick him in it, hence why he’s my most frequented character. If there’s an idea I like and I can’t think of anyone else, I known darn well Osamu is a perfect fit, and more often than not, I HAVE to find someone else bc otherwise, everything I write would be for samu, I’m just. Like stop plaguing me sir, I’m already in love with a fictional character what more can I give-

They work better as a dynamic: even in the manga and the anime, him and atsumu were together. They were the OTHER freak duo, that twin telepathy is real yo. I also feel like he just doesn’t like to do things alone; he loves having support, be it from his teammates, his mom, tsumu, anyone who’s on his sideline (let’s not forget that scene where him and Atsumu practically beg for kita to keep his approval for them oh my GOD I CANNOT SOMEONE BURN ME ALIVE-)

They’ve never done anything wrong in their life <3: and you caNT CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE-

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Go the Distance

Prompt: Hello, I absolutely adore your work 🥺😍🥺 your Sanders Sides angst is just so goooood!!! If you're up to it, I'd love to request a fic <3 Virgil has noticed [side(s?) of your choice; they're all good choices, I can't decide ;-;] has been distant and avoiding him and he just can't figure out what he did wrong but it's actually because [side] loves him and are trying to take some time to 'get rid of/push down their feelings' The angster the better but don't push yourself ^ Feel free to add or change whatever Have a great day and no worries if you don't do this 💜💜💜~@im-an-anxious-wreck 💜🖤

Thanks for the prompt babe you’re the best

Read on Ao3

Warnings: self-doubt, some lite™ angst

Pairings: prinxiety, background platonic dlampr because found family dynamics motherfuckers

Word Count:  4191

Virgil and Roman's relationship hasn't always been, well, great. But it's been getting better!

Or, at least, it was.

Listen, Virgil knows he and Roman haven’t exactly had the most…painless history. Virgil’s introduction to the series was Thomas telling Roman his dream was to get rid of him and, well, Roman was first and foremost loyal to Thomas. Then the whole…insult thing, ducking out, and the absolute mess of the callback wedding debacle, it’s not exactly been smooth sailing.

 But—okay, and maybe they’d been a little harsher about things than absolutely necessary, and maybe Roman got hit with the consequences of their fights more than Virgil, and maybe Virgil hadn’t exactly been…overwhelmingly accepting of all of Princey’s little ticks.

 But they’d still been talking!

 After the wedding, no one was on good terms with anyone save Patton and Janus—and wasn’t that the shock of a lifetime—and Remus and Virgil. Because they made the smart choice and decided ‘nope, fuck that, I’m out.’

 It was a good choice. You have any idea how high their scores are in GTFO now? The first rundown’s a fucking cakewalk.

 Anyway.

 They’d been talking! Virgil still doesn’t know exactly what happened right after—he saw the video, of course he saw the video, but Roman sunk right to his room and there’s a good twelve hours between that and the next time Virgil saw him—but Roman had come out and approached him!

 Probably because he was still hurt by the end of the video—which oof, Virgil does not blame him for, that was harsh—and his only options were Logan, Virgil, and Remus and Logan, um, didn’t want to see anyone for a while and Remus is Remus.

 Side note: those two have been getting on better. Something about their twin Creativity thing meant Remus knew that Roman was hurting bad before even Thomas did.

 But Roman did seek him out, asking him quietly if he had a moment, just a moment, to sit together. Virgil had shrugged and passed it off as nothing only for Princey to literally sit on the floor and not make a fucking noise. He’d frowned and poked his shoulder, asking if he was alright.

 “Perfectly fine, Dark and Stormy,” Roman had said lightly, “and I’ll leave you in a moment.”

 “But you’re…” Virgil had waved to his silent form. “…not acting like you normally do.”

 Roman had laughed. “And here I thought I’d never hear you say you missed me being loud.”

 “Now let’s not jump to conclusions.”

 Sure enough, a few more seconds had passed and Roman had gotten up, quietly bid Virgil good day, thanked him, and left.

 You bet your ass Virgil sunk straight into Patton’s room to ask hey what the fuck did you do to Roman.

 Patton had sighed and said that they’re not sure what to do now—‘they’ being Janus and Patton. Virgil, still recovering from the whiplash of those two being close had shaken his head and told them to get it the fuck together.

 If he sunk into Remus’s room to ask how to take care of Roman, that’s his business. It’s also his business if he tackled Princey in a hug two minutes later.

 So. Talking.

 Roman, for all he talks, doesn’t really say much. The few things he does say are easily passed off as jokes, off-handed comments that no one really pays much attention to.

 Not that anyone pays nearly enough attention to Roman, come on, guys, he makes it easy.

 But Roman talked to Virgil. He’d come in and sit and Virgil would sit next to him, trying to make sure his arm didn’t burst into flames from where it was pressed against Princey—the dude’s a fucking space heater, okay?—just to listen. Some of the time it was Disney rants—okay, most of the time it was Disney rants—but some of the time…

 “Virgil?”

 “Yeah?”

 Roman looked down at his costume. Today was repair day, unofficially called when Virgil’s hoodie ripped during the night and Roman’s sword cut through his sleeve. Virgil looked up from his own mass of fabric, needle stuck in carefully so he wouldn’t prick himself. He frowned at the look on Roman’s face.

 “What’s up, Princey?”

 “Do you think my logo looks bad?”

 Virgil blinked in shock. Roman didn’t look up and see the surprise on his face, instead running his thumb slowly over the patch on the costume.

 “What the fuck are you talking about, Princey?”

 “It’s so complicated,” Roman said, still looking down, “Logan and Patton have really simple ones. You have a pretty simple one.”

 “Janus doesn’t. Remus doesn’t.”

 “Yeah, but they’re…”

 Virgil frowned deeper, putting his hoodie on the ground and shifting closer to Roman. The prince didn’t even look up, still clutching his logo in his hands.

 “They’re what, Roman?”

 Roman swallowed. “…allowed.”

 A growl sounded from Virgil’s throat before he knew what was happening.

 “And you’re not?”

 “Hmm?”

 “And you’re not allowed, Roman?” Virgil gripped his shoulder. “Look at me, Princey.”

 Roman looked up. Virgil swallowed another growl at the despondent look on the prince’s face. Instead, he gripped Roman’s shoulder tighter.

 “No one,” he said firmly, “is allowed to tell you your logo is bad. You hear me?”

 Roman blinked.

 “I mean it, Roman,” he said, softening his voice a little, “it’s you. It’s yours, no one’s allowed to tell you it’s wrong.”

 “So that’s…okay?”

 “Yeah, Princey, it’s okay.”

 “Oh.” Roman looked back down at his costume. “Okay. Thank you, Virgil.”

 “Anytime.”

 Virgil would come to be astounded at how much he means that.

 Because, really, now that Roman’s talking? Virgil’s fucking shocked that they didn’t realize how much Roman actually has to offer.

 First off, Princey’s smart as hell. Sure, L’s the resident braincell but you can be big of brain and dumb of ass at the same time.

 If Logan tries to tell you he’s not a dumbass sometimes he is wrong.

 Roman can puzzle solve with the best of them. Do you have any idea how much brainpower it takes to write a story? A script? Understand how all those moving parts fit together and make sense as a whole? Virgil sure as hell didn’t. He spent one afternoon trying to help Roman only for it to end up as Roman explaining what he was doing and Virgil frantically trying to keep up. Don’t even get him started on how impressive the Imagination stuff is.

 “It’s my job, Fall Out Brood,” Roman laughs every single time Virgil expresses how fucking cool this is, “have to be good at something.”

 And Roman is. He’s good.

 Second: Patton may be the heart, Logan may be the brains, but no one is as good at reassuring him as Roman. Probably has something to do with the Creativity gig. Roman had asked, politely, if Virgil would be comfortable telling him what to do when he gets really anxious, whether to leave him alone, get him somewhere safe, get him things, what have you. Virgil had told him, bemused, only to be shuttled into somewhere that screamed safewarmcomfortableeverythingisokay the next time he had a panic attack. Roman, with the lack of shame truly becoming of a theatre kid, had no problems cheering him up by loudly declaring he would fight whatever shadowy figures plagued his little nightmare, swatting at the air with his sword until Virgil’s sobs had turned into giggles. He never made Virgil talk about anything if he didn’t want to, didn’t try to sit and work through things if they weren’t ready, and never touched him unless he’d gotten the okay. The first time Virgil told him he’d be fine with receiving hugs in the aftermath was the warmest he’d felt in years.

 Princey gives really good hugs.

 Third: Roman’s fucking funny.

 Remember the whole ‘smart as hell’ thing? Know how Logan’s funny as fuck too when he lets himself be?

 Virgil’s lost count of how many times he’s had to gasp out for Roman to shut the fuck up because his sides hurt too much from laughing. He ends up sprawled across the fucking floor or the couch or Princey’s bed, dying very happily but painfully because Roman won’t stop making him laugh.

 Most of the time it’s due to something they’re watching and Roman’ll notice some detail that he picks apart until they’re both howling or Virgil will make one sarcastic comment that turns into a full fucking bit for like…ten minutes. Roman will just keep riffing off of the smallest thing until he’s laughing too hard to keep going—not very likely—or Virgil will flail out desperately and smack him—much more likely.

 Princey said he makes fun of the things he loves.

 …maybe that’s why he doesn’t make fun of Virgil anymore.

 Virgil curls tighter around the pillow, clutching it to his chest. As he rubs his cheek against it, he grimaces. It’s too rough. It’s not warm enough. It doesn’t smell right.

 They’d been talking. It had been good.

 But that was before.

 Before Roman had cautiously approached Logan with an apology, the offering of a new planner for him, the promise to listen to him, hear him out, give him space to speak. Logan had accepted.

 Before Roman had opened the border between his and Remus’s side of the Imagination, sending a little puppy scuttling over to his brother’s castle with a note, a dagger, and a vial of acid. It returned as a kitten with a beautifully poisonous rose.

 Before Roman had finally, finally, after days of trying, opened the door when Patton knocked, letting him come inside so they could talk, about everything that happened since…well, ever. They hadn’t stopped hugging long enough to walk down the stairs.

 Before Roman had let Janus, Janus, take care of him.

 And now…

 Now Roman didn’t want to be in the same room as him.

 It feels as if they’re walking on eggshells around each other again, Virgil appearing in a room only for Roman to completely disappear, getting up and leaving a conversation entirely just to avoid him, Virgil knocking on Roman’s door only for Roman to shout that he’s busy, not to come inside, Virgil, trying, trying to figure out where Roman’s gone, what’s happened, only to receive the cold shoulder.

 A problem none of the other Sides seemed to be having.

 He clutches the pillow to his chest.

 Did he—did he do something wrong?

 Does Roman—does Roman not like him anymore?

 Maybe he shouldn’t have pushed so hard about talking to the others. Roman needed space, needed time, he didn’t need someone else breathing down his neck. He should’ve let Roman set the pace, listened more, been kinder to him when he needed reassurance.

 Maybe he shouldn’t have made Roman think it was his fault that the others were taking so long, or suggested that if he wanted things to get better he should try talking first. Roman had been taught by everyone else that things were his fault already, Virgil didn’t need to jump on that train too.

 Maybe he should’ve been kinder to Roman, less focused on making the others understand that they hurt Roman. Everyone in the Mindscape knew that Roman was hurt, Virgil should’ve helped fix that, taken care of Roman, not pushed the blame onto everyone else.

 Maybe Roman didn’t like what he had to say about Disney films. They were Roman’s comfort watches, the last thing he needed was for someone to cruelly rip away his enjoyment of one of the few things he could enjoy.

 Maybe Roman didn’t like Virgil’s way of taking care of him. Virgil never pushed, never did Roman the courtesy of asking, like Roman did with him, just assumed he knew best how to comfort someone and left it there. Roman might’ve needed more hugs, more time, less distraction, just something other than what Virgil gave him.

 Maybe Roman didn’t like how much Virgil ended up hoarding him to himself. Not letting him go to the others for comfort, just to work things out. Maybe he thought Virgil was just keeping him upset so he could hang out with him more.

 Or maybe…

 Virgil muffles his sob in the pillow.

 Maybe Roman needed or wanted him anyway.

 Maybe Roman was just waiting until he could get the comfort he actually wanted. Maybe he waited until the others were easier to talk to so he could go back to what he really needed. Maybe Virgil was just a placeholder until Roman could get hugs from Patton and Remus, talk with Logan and Janus, not him. Never him.

 Maybe that’s…okay.

 It’s not, it won’t be fucking okay for a long time, but one day, it will be okay.

 Virgil curses and throttles the pillow in his arms, wishing for it to be real, to be warm, to be a chest of white and gold and a splash of red, for it to wraps its arms around him and say it’s okay, shadow-ling, I’m here, I won’t leave you, shh.

 But it’s just a pillow.

 Has his room always been this cold?

 Have Disney movies always looked this flat?

 Has music always sounded this gray?

 Has Virgil always been this alone?

 He can hear them in the living room below him. He can hear Roman and Logan throwing quips back and forth, can hear Remus tackling his brother into the wall, and Roman protesting. He can hear Janus scolding Remus and checking to make sure Roman’s not injured, can hear Roman wave him off gently and go right back to verbally sparring with Logan. He can hear Patton laughing too hard, falling off the couch and begging the two of them to let up, let him breathe, can hear Roman coo and call him sweet, adorable, in that soft voice he only uses when he’s talking to someone he cares about.

 Can’t hear any of them worrying about where he is.

 Maybe it’s better this way.

 He got greedy, took too much of what was never his to take, what wasn’t given to him freely. He latched onto the first thing he thought was for him and didn’t stop to think that it wasn’t. He may think he’s been included in the famILY but he knows he’s still an outsider.

 He may be Virgil now but deep down he’ll always be Anxiety.

 So here he will stay, in the cold of his room, in the dark of his face smushed into a pillow that will never be real. He will stay and he will be happy.

 But not today.

 He sniffles and smears his nose on the sleeve of his hoodie, not bothering to pull away from the pillow long enough to wipe tears properly. His limbs start to protest as he hugs it tighter, tighter, tighter, but it’s no use. He can feel his own arms through the pillow. There isn’t enough—there’s too much give in the pillow. It’s just a fucking pillow but it’s not enough.

 Another laugh from downstairs and Virgil growls, burying his head in the pillow until he can’t hear himself think.

 Can’t hear anything but his own muffled sobs ringing in his ears.

 Can’t hear anything other than the thought swirling around and around his head that he’ll never be enough, that he’ll never be wanted, that he’ll never be anything other than Anxiety.

 Can’t hear the soft knock at the door.

 “Virgil?”

 The voices in his head must be getting pretty powerful because he’s certain he can hear Roman calling for him. He buries deeper in the pillow.

 “Virgil? Virgil, can you hear me?”

 Yes, he thinks, yes, I can hear you, which means I’m not crying hard enough.

 “Can I come in, shadow-ling?”

 Yes, he thinks, come in and make me forget that you don’t need me anymore.

 He must really be losing it because he thinks he can hear the door open and close again with a soft click, followed by a sharp intake of breath and a soft coo.

 “Oh, shadow-ling,” the imaginary Roman murmurs, “come here, little Stormcloud.”

 Oh, his imagination is being cruel to him right now because the sensation of warm arms around his waist and shoulders fucking burns. He buries his face in the pillow until he can’t tell which way is up anymore, not sure how he’s tricked himself into imagining Roman’s cradling him but too unwilling to let the illusion go.

 “That’s right, Stormcloud, relax for me, I’ve got you, I’m right here, shh, shh, you’re alright,” the imaginary Roman keeps whispering in that cruelly soft voice, “you’re doing great, shadow-ling.”

 Virgil wants him to be real. So bad he aches from it. But he knows he’s not.

 What happens next breaks his fucking heart.

 The imaginary Roman kisses him.

 It’s chaste, a barely-there brush of his lips against his forehead but it tears a whine out of Virgil’s throat before he can stop it. The imaginary Roman hushes him gently, pressing another kiss to the part of his cheek not buried in the pillow and it taunts him with how real it feels. The slightly chapped lips, the warm rush of air as Roman breathes, the light brush of his nose as he pulls away.

 It’s too much.

 It’s too much and he wants it to be real so badly but he knows the instant he pulls away it will vanish and that might just break him.

 Then he realizes the imaginary Roman is talking to him.

 “Breathe, Stormcloud, you’ve got to breathe,” he coaxes, “I know it’s tempting to stay buried in a pillow all day, but you can’t breathe properly like that, sweetheart.”

  No, no, don’t call me sweetheart, I’ll break.

 “Shadow-ling, Stormcloud, my darling,” the imaginary Roman says instead, “come on…”

 Well, now he’s disappointing imaginary Roman too. Figures. He can’t do anything right.

 “Of course you can,” the imaginary Roman pleads, “just breathe for me, shadow-ling, I’m right here, I’ve got you, you can keep your eyes closed if you need to, just breathe.”

 Another whine. Another kiss pressed against his head. The whine grows louder.

 “Shh, shh, my darling,” imaginary Roman murmurs, “breathe, come on, just—trust me, okay? Can I ask that of you, Stormcloud?”

 And goddamnit, this is why Virgil can’t do anything.

 Virgil trusts him.

 So he prepares himself for heartbreak and lifts his head.

 “Thank you, shadow-ling,” imaginary Roman—wait, he’s still here?—murmurs, rubbing his back, “there you go, now just breathe—oh! Oh, come here, lean on me, I’ve got you.”

 Having listed to the side horribly, Virgil lands against a solidwarmsafereal chest and—and—

 “R-Roman?”

 “Yes, my darling,” not imaginary Roman says, still kissing Virgil’s forehead, “I’m here, I’m here.”

 White-hot rage burns Virgil’s tears.

 He lets out a yell and shoves, not caring that it throws them both horribly off-balance, threatening to send him tumbling to the floor. He hears Roman cry out, trying to keep ahold of him, but he scrabbles and gets his hands around the bedpost and pulls.

 “Virgil—Virgil stop, you’re going to hurt yourself—“

 “Why do you care?” The rage coats his tongue. “You fucking left, you—you—you fucking didn’t care about me anymore, you decided you didn’t want me anymore and you fucking left so don’t try and care now!”

 “Virgil—sweetheart, I—“

 “Don’t fucking call me that!” He keeps his eyes squeezed tight. “You didn’t give a fuck about me when you left, when you got your fucking family back, you think—you think you can just waltz back in like you didn’t abandon me?”

 “Virgil—“

 “Because you did, Roman!” Virgil blindly shoves at where the prince was before, knocking him into the wall. “You fucking left me as soon as you got the others back like I—like I never did anything for you and now you—now you can’t even look at me.”

 “I’m looking at you now.”

 Virgil laughs.

 He throws his head back and howls until his chest and throat ache.

 “You didn’t give a shit when the others started talking to you. You just fucking up and abandoned me like you never cared about me in the first place. You replaced me with them or—or abandoned me as your placeholder and I’m fucking hurt, Roman.”

 “I know.”

 “Then why did you do it?”

 Silence.

 Virgil’s heart stops.

 No.

 No, no, no, no—

 He fucked up.

 He fucked up so bad.

 Roman left.

 Roman’s not here anymore.

 Roman left again, he made Roman leave, he—he fucked up so bad, he shouldn’t have yelled, he’s fucked up, he hurt Roman, no, no, no, no—

 On instinct, his hands hook into claws.

 Only to be caught by warmsolidreal hands and brought to something soft.

 “Don’t,” comes Roman’s softsaferealhurt voice, murmuring in his ear as he holds him still, “don’t scratch, sweetheart.”

 “Don’t—“

 “I know, I know,” Roman says immediately, “you said not to call you that. I’m sorry. I’m so, so, sorry.”

 …what?

 “I didn’t realize I was hurting you,” comes the voice again, “that’s no excuse, I know, but please, Virgil, I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to abandon you.”

 Virgil swallows. “What the fuck do you call it then?”

 “I didn’t want to push my luck.”

  What?

 “You were being so good to me, Virgil,” Roman murmurs, oblivious to the internal struggle Virgil’s currently facing, “so kind, so supportive, that I…I realized I wanted to ask more from you. Things I had no business asking. And the longer you kept on being you, the harder it was to resist the urge to push and risk shattering everything you’d let me build with you.”

 “What—“ Virgil swallows— “what the fuck did you want?”

 Roman stills in front of him. With his eyes still shut, he can’t tell what’s going on, but when Roman speaks next his voice is hoarse.

 “Before I ask,” comes the whisper, “I want you to know that you have every right to say no. You can push me away, shove me out of your room, stay angry at me for as long as you want. I’ve hurt you, badly, and I have no right to ask this of you. I want you to know that. That I’m okay with you asserting that right.”

 Fuck, Princey.

 “…what do you want?”

 A pause. Then a soft rush of air, right on his face.

 “May I kiss you, Stormcloud?”

 Oh.

  Oh.

  Oh, no.

 “R-Roman?”

 “That’s it,” Roman murmurs and oh, his mouth is right next to Virgil’s, “that’s what I want, shadow-ling.”

 He shifts a little until Virgil can feel Roman’s warmth.

 “That and everything that goes with it.”

 “Why—why did you leave? I-if that’s what you wanted?”

 “Because that would mean to push,” Roman says immediately, “and the last thing I wanted was to push you away. I thought if I could…rein it in, control it, I could…I wouldn’t hurt you.”

 A soft chuckle.

 “Look how well that turned out.”

 “But the others—“

 “I needed Remus to tell me what was going on,” Roman says wryly, “Janus to point out that I was okay in wanting something, Patton to help me figure it out, and Logan to kick my ass into doing it.”

 “To…to ask me?”

 “Yes, Stormcloud,” comes the whisper, “to ask you.”

 “And if I say yes?”

 He can feel Roman’s lips turn up.

 “…then I’ll kiss you, Stormcloud.”

 “Are you really here?”

 The question bursts out of him before he can stop it, immediately biting his lip in reprimand for letting it.

 “Open your eyes, Virgil,” Roman says softly, “look at me.”

 He shakes his head, not wanting it to be imaginary. Not now, not after this. Roman squeezes his hands.

 “Look at me, Stormcloud,” he whispers, “look at me.”

  Fuck it.

 Roman smiles at him, real and warm and soft and here. He squeezes Virgil’s hands again and takes the smallest step closer.

 “I’m here,” he says, wrapping Virgil’s arms around his neck, “I’m right here, shadow-ling.”

 He’s here.

 This won’t fix everything. But it’s one hell of a start.

 “Ask me again.”

 “May I kiss you, Stormcloud?”

 Virgil shakes his head. “Not like that. Ask me properly.”

 Confusion dances on Roman’s face before realization hits. His smile widens and he brings a hand to Virgil’s head. Virgil clutches Roman tight as he gets dipped into the prince’s arms. Roman leans forward until his mouth almost catches Virgil’s.

 “May I kiss you, sweetheart?”

  “Yes.”

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[mothfishing]

would love some mantis thoughts if u feel like sharing... love opinions from someone with taste

I HAVE SEVERAL this has gotten so long...

i originally typed a long explanation but first draft of this post was thousands of words long. trying 2 compress. so i'll just link this about why i think they are. ants.

but yeah okay ant interest aside...i really am not and have never been a fan of the concept that they keep other bugs out of their village purely because of isolationism and a poorly defined honor code that hinges entirely on combat prowess...so instead i think of that policy as, rather than being a fixed trait, a combination of the infection and also their enmity with hallownest. they DO NOT like hallownest despite the truce, and the fact that there's so many entrances from the city of tears/waterways into right above and right below mantis territory...can you blame them...the impression it gives me is certainly a threatening one.

so yeah they don't like letting random people into the village. considering how many sealed doors there are on the way down to the mantis lords, it's my own thought that maybe a lot of that was set up specifically to seal the place off in case. Well. anything happened. then infection zombie apocalypse ended up happening and, well, they don't know much of anything about what's causing it! so their best guess is that it's contact-related. and in my interpretation of the infection, that's partly true...naturally, it comes in through the mind. but contact lowers the barrier of entry, as it were, so it's still a good idea to stay away from large infection pustules. it also results in a runaway effect once infection does enter a population...

thus mantises end up insulating themselves from a good chunk of Dream Plague. though naturally, not all of it, blah blah traitor lord situation

relatedly, to me i feel like the mantises were certainly made Quite uncomfortable when they realized that hallownest was seeking an alliance of some sort with deepnest. they don't know the details of the dreamer plan, but considering the silk spools in the hidden station, the existence of the distant village station, and the fact we know that at some point people in the city of tears began writing on spider silk paper rather than the older stone tablets, it's clear that some sort of truce between hallownest and the weavers lasted beyond herrah becoming a dreamer

the reason the mantises would be fairly unhappy about this is...well they REALLY don't want to end up in a situation where they're pinned on both sides. one of many reasons the eldest mantis lord has such a headache.

some more miscellaneous mantis hcs:

i think the mantis claws are something for people with claws that are for whatever reason unsuitable to climb with, and also for children whose wings are less and less functional but whose adult claws haven't quite grown in yet. (or children without wings/otherwise without the ability to fly)

to me the "horns" the mantis lords + some of the traitor mantises have are like, not horns so much as a headdress? and it's usually worn by older adults. so makai doesn't wear one because she's in her 20s and it's more a middle aged person thing. it's tied in the back and you can wear jewelry on them, but ultimately it's just cloth

i tend to draw them with facial tattooing! inspired by shin khaal although it's not literal shin khaal. it's mostly decorative and it's something adults get (although teenagers might experiment with drawing them on using makeup)

my names for the mantises are makai (traitors' daughter), tsanga (eldest lord), mina (2nd eldest), lalai (3rd eldest), anara (youngest/traitor lord). im going to use these names 4 them from now on

[ID: Two drawings of Tsanga. In the first, she is wearing a cloth headdress over her antennae, with one of her claws tapping her chin in thought. She has three teardrop shapes tattood onto her forehead. In the second drawing, she isn't wearing her headdress, and her antennae can be seen. She is hornless. End ID]

[ID: Two drawings of Makai. The first drawing is a bust drawing of her with her head tilted and eyes wide. She had 3 dots around her eyes. In the second drawing, she is standing and looking off to the side with both of her claws held up by her waist. She is wearing a long scarf with the ends hanging low. End ID]

i originally had a long thing about makai and ze'mer here but it was like 2000 words long and i am trying so hard to end this post. tl;dr i think ze'mer defected from hallownest and lived in the mantis village with makai for several years. she didn't have a bad relationship with her in-laws until makai's death and anara's essentially-death, and that particular thing was. a bunch of grief and lashing out and part of her eventually moving on from that grief involves reconciling with them because ultimately they both love and miss the same people and they were, and still could be, family

going to stop now because i cannot be concise unfortunately. anyway i think abt the mantises so much. i think they deserve better <3 ok goodbye

[black-coffee-and-sugar]

I Believe In A Thing Called Love

woot! had to watch this one over a horrid wifi connection so i may have missed a few things:

- something something love totem. something something exposition. something something that doesn’t sound logical but we’re going with it because who really cares at this point?

- william is part of the mission briefing why?

- also lena has suddenly graduated from avoiding magic like the plague last week to creating a decoy love totem this week?

- also also. if lena's magic is strong enough to mimic 5th dimensional energy of the totems and if the dream totem alone is enough to make nyxly unstoppable and nia can wield dream energy, why are the super friends getting their asses kicked by a very human lex?

- everyone’s reactions to kara quitting were pretty benign. especially lena and alex

- kelly and lena’s little side hug is such a small thing but i shrieked! show us their friendship dammit!

- i feel robbed of that brainy, nia, kelly, lena scene

- j’onn and kara were privy to alex’s plan to propose which of course makes sense. her sister and her dad. but why the fuck is william getting enlisted? over your other friends who you’ve known for years? a quick call over facetime to your mother or even james? anyone but william

- either al’s bar got a facelift or the lighting used to be so shitty that i can’t recognize it anymore

- esme is too cute for words. “don’t you believe in love?” - only when i see dansen and supercorp on screen

- sigh. fucking lex, i guess we’re really doing this and it’s not that i want a whole lot of backstory but i just have questions. 1) why did lex decide to go to 31st century specifically? 2) how the fuck did he get there? 3) how long has he been gone? last time we saw him, he was stepping through a portal in 6x03. was he just chilling in the future for that whole time? 4) does the portal watch now moonlight as a time travel device because how did he get back? 5) is nyxly still a villain in the future? and if so, what has the legion been doing about it?

- i enjoyed the lex and nyxly scenes more than i thought i would. i don't ship it but they were funny and i am just a human.

- round of applause for otis for reminding lex that he literally thrives in toxic relationships. 

- i have never seen the family resemblance between lex and lena until lex said “you can’t just tell a woman how you feel. it'll scare them off” because this is 100% lena with kara

- okay okay lena “magic is unreliable” luthor using magic throughout this episode like a pro just because kara bat her eyelashes, pouted and said please while between her legs last night (joking, joking)

- lena was ready to go fucking feral when kara got hurt and i’m living for this.

- the way lena was hovering over kara. fellas, imagine waking up to that beautiful face in your field of vision. and i felt very robbed of a hug but the convo was nice

- and so the medbay scenes have gone from just alex to alex and lena to just lena. lena continuing to thank a god she doesn't believe in because kara is okay. lena popping that extra button cuz the power of titties can heal

- dansen proposal had me weeping. the inclusion of esme and that little callback to 5x01 when they shared the same fav movie villain, the way the fucking love totem showed up in alex’s pocket!!!! i didn’t think the writers were capable

- but seriously, how reassuring is it for the love totem to seek you out while your love is proposing to you? im fragile right now

- esme: you guys had the same plan! it's fate!

look at esme out here being the biggest dansen shipper! alex and kelly are soulmates and idk how some people can't see it.

- esme shouting supergirl a la alex in S5. can she get a little mickey mouse signal watch too?

- my little brainia crumbs. nia bless your soul for giving our boy what he needs

- okay j’onn’s courage test was actually so tragic. the potential his character had. they really did him dirty too

- listen. lena has officially protected kara now in every possible. with her tech, with her money, with her support and now her magic. who else is checking all the boxes the way lena does?

- but also kara going to lena to have her humanity protected? that level of unwavering faith and trust? it is one of the most consistent things about her character

- i love how kara has been incapable of delivering a hope speech since 5x19, even in the hope totem episode but suddenly has one ready because lena needs it

- it’s not that i don’t like the dialogue between kara and lena. their scenes are lovely but it’s this incessant use of “us” and “we” and "you all" and “this team” when they are clearly talking about each other only. it’s not a group moment, they are alone, they don’t need to include the others. they are a given. kara wants to say “i have you and you have me and i’m your family now” and that fits the scene a lot better. so just have her say that, what are you so afraid of? it can’t possibly get any more romantic at this point.

- love totem reappearing on esme and im stressed. they're really gonna kidnap a child! well, if that doesn't motivate the super friends to finally go all out against lex and nyxly, idk what will

- lex giving a "then i met you" speech. are you fucking kidding me???

- the amount of times my 🤡 brain thought supercorp was gonna kiss/say i love you

- not kara waiting for lena with two glasses of champagne. not kara saying lena always protects her. not kara leaning in AGAIN but not kissing this woman.

- supercorp scenes following canon couple scenes as per the bait. am i supposed to ignore the constant confirmation that lena is kara's person and vice versa. don't touch me

- also does william get kidnapped again? cuz i didn't really care the first few times he was in danger so....

- lord help me with the bachelorette party. everyone is looking like a snack in the stills. im so ready.

- seems like we're finally getting some acrata after a whole damn season. what a waste.

[kenganparadise]

Hey how are you love!!!

I was wondering if I could get a head canon of agito confessing his feeling, planning a first date, and losing his virginity to his S/O please!!!!!!

Im doing pretty wonderful after seeing this in my ask box!! I love you for requesting this- Thank you so much!! I’ve always wanted to write HCs about Agito falling in love❤️ it’s so obvious that he’s my favorite. I hope you enjoy this as much as I loved writing it💙❤️💜

Agito-

• Agito doesn’t know what he’s feeling. He never conciders finding a partner or finding love before. He’s spent his whole life serving Metsudo.

• That is till he meets his S/O. He doesn’t know what it is about them, he just knows that they’re special to him. He knows that the feeling he has for them is much different than anything he’s felt toward anyone ever before.

• They make him feel so warm and fuzzy inside. Every time he sees them his gut tightens and churns. He goes out of his way to pass by them. Even if it means inconveniencing himself he’ll go out of his way just to see them.

• Sometimes he is unable to stop thinking about his crush. He does everything and anything to get them out of his head. They’ve plagued him. He even sees them in his dreams

• He sees things that couples do, maybe in books and movies. He also does a lot of people watching (more like analyzing and collecting data while he’s the fang) but when he’s living his nomad biker babe days he watches how people act and treat each other.

• He sees couples kiss and hold hands, he takes note of people who do PDA, he imagines him and his crush doing things like that.

• His feelings confuse him. He tries to bottle them up. He’ll probably have this nasty crush for a very long time before he even speaks to his crush. He’ll just silently watch them from afar.

• However bottling up emotions and feelings is never ever a good idea. Eventually they’ll bubble over. This could be due to jealousy or maybe his feelings grow and grow even more till it gets downright uncomfortable.

• Finally he does something about it- he confides in his friends/family. He probably approaches Metsudo and Sayaka. maybe Takayama and Omori if he’s feeling desperate. He probably even goes to Okubo. He knows Metsudo and Okubo have experience in love and relationships (Metsudo more than Okubo)

• Mestsudo is delighted that Agito has fallen in love. He advises that Agito go out and buy his crush a bunch of gifts then give a very grand confession to his love. Agito adores Metsudo but he’s not going to put on a show.

• Sayaka does the same. She tells Agito to write anonymous love letters to his crush. She’ll deliver them of course. He considers it but doesn’t want to do that either.

• Okubo give Agito a bunch of pick-up lines. He thinks that a little demeaning so he’s definitely not doing that. (Could you imaging Agito telling a pick up line to his S/O. It would be so Awkward)

• Omori and Takayama tell him the exact same thing “just go tell them how you feel.” Omori says. “Just tell them how you feel, dumbass” Takayama says. Agito does exactly that.

• Agito approaches his crush at their usual spot. “I’d like to speak with you privately.” He says with a poker face. He’s all business. He takes them somewhere private where they won’t be bothered.

• When he’s alone with his crush he feels a pang of nervousness in his heart. Seeing them look up at him in confusion/curiosity makes his gut churn.

• It’s hard to read him. So his crush has no clue what he’s speaking to him about. His tone and body language doesn’t tell them a thing. They have no idea the things that they have put him through. They don’t know the turmoil going on inside him.

• “I think I’m in love with you.” He speaks, still all business. His crush is taken by absolute surprise. They’re frozen. “A-ah I’m sorry did I hear you right? Can you repeat that?” They’ll say. “I think-no. I am in love with you.” He says, reassuring his crush.

• “well. How about we go out on a date?” They say timidly after processing this shocking information.

• Dates- Agito knows about these. “Yes. What would you like to do?” He asks still all business. “Dinner! Just the two of us!” They’ll say. The hearing his crush say ‘just the two of us’ makes his heart leap.

• The date is set. They’ll meet the following night. Agito will pick them up and they’ll go to a traditional restaurant.

• He wears his finest suit. He picks out an expensive cologne. With Metsudo’s help get gets a dozen of the most vibrant roses- only the best for his date.

• He meets them at their home. “You look pretty.” Is all he’s able to say. He does think they look beautiful. They did their hair and obviously put lots of thought into their outfit.

• During the date his crush does most of the talking. He is having a wonderful time just listening to their voice. He replies every now and again. Sometimes he’s unable to hide the smile on his face.

• After good food, drinks, and desert he walks his S/O home. He asks his crush politely if they’d like to see him again. Hearing them say yes makes his heart skip a beat.

• If his crush wants a kiss they’ll have to make the first move. “Bend down a little please.” He of course obeys without a second thought. They better not expect him to kiss back. But his lips will twitch when he’s feels their warm ones press to his. When his crush pulls away they’ll be about to see pink dusted across his cheeks.

• He’ll walk home. He will absolutely ponder for hours about that kiss and he will definitely be seeing them in his dreams again at night.

🔞WARNING NSFW AHEAD🔞

• After dating for a while Agito feels himself ready to lose that pesky virginity. He waits for his S/O to make the first move.

• Agito has spent many nights touching himself to the thought of his S/O. Even before when it was just a crush he’d be in his room, dick in hand, thinking about them.

• He’s imagined what their body looks like beneath their clothing and that they feel like from the inside.

• The first time- He’s practically champing at the bit watching them undress slowly. His dick is practically twitching in his pants. His breathing gets ragged watching them strip down to their underwear.

• When they stare at him he realizes it’s his turn to remove his clothing. He hurriedly rips of his clothes down to his boxers. To say he is impatient is quite the understatement, he’s spent many nights thinking about this exact moment.

• Their fingers are like fire on his skin when his S/O touches him. The two are sitting on the bed as his S/O begins kissing his neck and chest. They feel up his pecs and abs. Their hands trail down to his hips and stop at his boxers.

• He jumps and blushes a deep crimson color when they they squeeze his ass.

• He realizes he should probably be doing something too. He grabs their chest and massages it roughly making them moan.

• Hearing them moan spurs him on more. He pinches their nipples lightly in his fingers. It doesn’t matter if his S/O is AFAB or AMAB he’s sucking on those titties. After playing with their chest a little he takes their nipple in his mouth. He sucks roughly. He moves his hands down to their hips.

• He touches them through their underwear. He rubs them roughly. He flinches when feeling them palm him through his boxers. Feeling their hands on him makes him very impatient. “How do you- what position should we do?” He asks. “Well do you want to be on top? Or do you want me to be on top?” They purr in his ear. Ugh that’s the hardest decision he could make right now.

• He wants them to be on top first. He lays on his back with soft pillows behind him. They pull down his boxers, his massive cock springs out. He watches as they remove their panties finally.

• His S/O coats his dick with a generous amount of lube. He grunts as they stroke him a couple times while coating him. Then his S/O mounts him.

• He listens to his S/O hiss as they sink down onto his dick. It’s a delicious stretch. He exhales as their hips meet his. His Adam’s apple bobs. It’s such a stark contrast. He’s so used to his rough cold calloused hand, and now he’s deep inside his soft, warm, tight S/O.

• He uncontrollably bucks his hips up into his S/O. They moan as he does. They grab his hands and place them on their hips. He’s got a vice grip on them. Then they start to move.

• He watches like a hawk as they bounce on his dick. He literally can’t look away. They set a steady space. He’s got insane stamina but It’s his first time. He cums rather fast.

• He can’t really help it, his S/O is so soft and warm. And they look gorgeous moaning and being pleasured above him. He’s never felt this before, so he pumps his load inside quickly.

• He doesn’t warn them before hand, it’s only when they feel his dick go soft and the huge load inside their belly that that they’ve realized he’s finished.

• He feels bad for not warning them beforehand- but seeing his release seeping out of them makes his dick come back to life.

• The second round however is much different. He is on top and controlling the pace. He enters them and sets a rather brutal but steady pace. His S/O better get ready to get fucked into the mattress.

• Their legs would be locked around his waist as he pounds into them. he’ll be grunting in their ear the whole time, his hands are clawing at the sheets beneath. Hearing them moan in his ear spurs him on.

• He lasts much longer this time. He’ll only finish after his S/O cums. He grunts loudly as he dumps another load in his S/O.

• After that it’s quite a long night for his poor S/O. He excited and wants to try everything in one night (but we know that’s not possible)

• He switches positions. He loves the sight of his S/O getting fucked in different poses. Each round he lasts longer than the previous.

• Once he’s had enough and he realizes his S/O has definitely had enough, he carries them to the bathroom for a nice hot bath. Then it’s off to bed. He cuddles his S/O the whole night. He’ll probably fall asleep after them.

[azucanela]

17. 2AM CALLS | TODOROKI SHOUTO

1K CELEBRATION MASTERLIST

SUMMARY: When Y/N can’t sleep, she decides, what better to do than call Shouto Todoroki himself. Of course, she didn’t actually expect him to pick up, seeing as it was 2AM. But when he does pick up, Y/N can’t help but feel comforted by his presence. 

WORD COUNT: 1.1k

WARNINGS:  brief mentions of nightmares, brief mentions of endeavor[yes he has a warning], 

A/N: as you can see im in the mood to write for bnha folks atm anyways its a lil short but like shouto os

If Shouto was honest, he hated structure. He hated the idea of a daily routine he had to follow, and it was probably because he’d been following a schedule since his childhood. He’d had the time he woke up, ate, trained, and slept all dictated for him, to ensure he was prepared for his future— more accurately the future his father wanted him to have.

Maybe that made him sound a little bit like an anarchist but Shouto didn’t particularly care. Now, that he was in the UA dorms, he’d never had so much freedom. He chose when he woke up, ate, went to bed, trained, everything was his choice. 

And his choice was to stay awake until 2AM because it’s the weekend and he can do what he wants. Of course, Shouto was being mildly productive, doing his homework ahead of time for not just his sake but also Y/N’s, full well knowing that she hasn’t even started yet and he’s going to have to explain it to her.

He’s putting his things away when his phone begin to vibrate on the desk, causing his brows to furrow. Shouto was fairly sure that nobody he knew was awake at this time, so he couldn’t help but wonder who was calling him as his eyes fell on the profile picture that had filled his entire phone screen. He’d taken it while they were out at some coffee shop she liked, Y/N had been staring out the window while she talked about a book she’d recently read, coffee in hand. Shouto thought she looked nice and snapped a picture, not that Y/N noticed as she was too engrossed in her rant. 

Why was Y/N awake right now?

He’d noticed her fatigue in class and asked if she’d been sleeping well. She’d answered yes, but that didn’t really soothe his worries, nor did this call. Shouto quickly realized that if he didn’t pick up soon she’d be forced to voicemail, and propped the phone up against the wall before hitting accept for the call. He couldn’t hear much except a small gasp, and her forehead was visible only for a moment before she directed her camera to aim towards the ceiling. 

“Y/N?”

The face of the girl in question appeared the screen, albeit only the side of her face was visible due to the poor positioning of her phone. “Hi, Sho.” She mumbles, face buried into her pillow, turning so that only half of her face is pressed against the pillow as she continues, “why are you up?

She sounds tired, and looks tired— something Shouto had learned was not to be mentioned— which left Shouto wondering just why exactly she hadn’t gone to bed. “I was finishing up some schoolwork.” Comes his reply, “and you?”

A small smile comes onto Y/N’s face as she hums in reply, inhaling deeply, Shouto notices that she’s wearing a shirt he recognized as his own. He finds himself thankful that she’s struggling to stay awake, failing to notice that a blush had dusted his cheeks as she replies, “bad dream.”

His brows furrowed at these words, though they were vague, Shouto had a feeling it hadn’t been the first night Y/N had been plagued by ‘bad dreams’ and made a silent note to himself to ask about it in the morning as he asked, “and why did you call me?” His face remained rather apathetic but Y/N seemed to notice the worry in his tone. 

“Just wanted to talk to you.” Y/N says, eyes finally flickering over to her phone screen, “you make me feel safe Sho.” 

Shouto’s mouth gaped open slightly at her words, he found himself at a loss as he stared. Though the entire career path that he was pursuing involved making others safe, Shouto felt his chest tighten at the fact that she felt safe around him, and they weren’t even in the same room. He cleared his throat, shifting in his seat as he spoke, “I see.”

Y/N laughed at his choice words, pulling her blanket up over her chin as she mumbled, “could you just stay on call for me?” Y/N rolled over, arms stretching above her head before one of them comes to rest over her eyes, “you don’t have to talk or anything just— just stay on the phone for a little bit. Please?” 

“Of course.” The words leave him almost instantly, and a small smile graces Y/N’s face as she shuts her eyes. “I will always keep you safe, Y/N. So, rest.” The girl’s eyes open, and for the first time since she’d called him, Y/N looks awake as she opens her mouth to reply, only for Shouto to continue, “besides. Your dorm isn’t too far from here, if you were attacked, surely I would know. Also, any villain foolish enough to attack a school of future Pro Heroes and actual Pro—” 

A laugh escapes her once more as she rolls back over to her side, now facing the phone, “always so literal, Shouto.” Silence follows her words for only a moment, “but... thank you. Really.”

Shouto doesn’t know how to respond, so he simply offers her a small smile accompanied by a nod of reassurance—an awkward nod, but a nod nonetheless. But the silence that followed didn’t feel all the awkward, if Shouto was honest it was a rather comfortable one that came between them, the sound of Shouto typing away at his now open computer while Y/N laid on her bed. He doesn’t know exactly how long the call went on, but it wasn’t long til Shouto realized that her questionable late night ramblings had ceased, his eyes returning to his phone screen once more to see her asleep. Chest rising and falling slowly with each breath, Shouto couldn’t help but be captivated by the sight of her.

He murmurs her name quietly, a test to see if she’s awake, and Y/N stirs with a small hum in response. “You should go to bed, Y/N.”

“You should too.” She grumbles, eyes still shut as she presses her head into the pillow. “I’m not the only one who needs sleep.”

“Then we both go to sleep, alright?”

She nods slowly, shifting slightly in the bed as her eyes opened slightly. “Goodnight Shouto—” Y/N yawned, and Shouto could see her finger move towards the phone, “love you, bye.”

Maybe it meant nothing to her. Just another passing moment, something completely accidental caused by a mix of sleep deprivation and stress. But those words had meant everything to him. Leaving Shouto to sit in his room, shock flooding as he stares at his phone, the end call screen flashing on phone. 

Shouto finds himself typing.

Shouto <3 Goodnight Y/N. I love you, too. [2:01AM]

TAGS[lmk if you wanna be added or removed via asks or replies]

@shawkneecaps​

@shigarakis-fifth-hand​

@beifongsss​

[firefly464]

The Real World - Chapter 13

"Oh Im gonna take a small break and go easy on this chapter :D" - me the other day. i then proceeded to write the longest chapter so far for no god damn reason.

ALSO YAY COOL SYMBOLISM IN THIS ONE

Thank you @i-have-this-now​ for helping me with transitions because im a complete mess Thank you to @rivys​ for beta reading and editing!

Master Post

First - Previous - Next

~~~

“They WHAT?!” Wilbur yelled, wheeling around to stare at the teenager behind him. 

“They uh, they’re going to try and bring our Tommy and Dream back?” Tubbo repeated, taking a step back. “Is that bad…?” Hadn’t this been what Wilbur wanted? For their own Tommy to come home? Why was he acting so aggressive about it? 

“Yes that's bad! Thats really fucking bad! Not Tommy obviously, but Dream?! Tubbo, Dream could come and break the peace treaty. He might start a whole new war, just out of spite. I cant… We can’t do that again. We just don’t have the resources.”

Tubbo paled as he realized what Wilbur was saying. Yes, they might have a chance to bring Tommy home, but at what cost? They would have to go back to living in fear, terrified that at any moment, Dream would come up behind them and try to kill one of them. He took another step back, shaking his head. He couldn’t go back to living like that. He just couldn’t. 

Wilbur walked over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder, crouching slightly so that he was at eye level. “Tubbo, I need you to tell me something, and I need you to tell me the truth. Where are they going?” Tubbo shifted uncomfortably under the scrutiny. On one hand, he had promised Tommy that he was going to help him get home. He had given his word. But on the other, he couldn’t go back to living in constant fear. He just couldn’t. “The eastern dark woods…” he muttered, trying to push away the guilt that gnawed at him. He had to do this. For his friends. He had no choice. 

“Got it.” Wilbur stood to full height, his eyes set and determined. “Go get your things together. We’ve got quite the trip ahead of us.”

~~~

“You can’t be serious. This is all you have? Why are there- why the hell do you have so many buckets? How on earth are you going to carry them?” George shook his head as he looked over the meager pile of supplies that Dream had gathered. 

Dream just shrugged as he rolled up the bedroll he had found in one of the chests. “You never know what might happen. I’m just trying to be prepared.” 

“Right. So you decided the best way to be prepared was to pack 3 buckets, but not pack any food or actual fresh water. You don’t even have a flint and steel!” 

A snort of laughter sounded from behind them. Dream turned to see Tommy, snickering to himself quietly. When the teenager noticed that they were looking at him, he wiped the grin off his face and stood up straight, trying to look serious. It didn’t work. 

“You know, you could be actually helping instead of just standing there and laughing,” Dream remarked. 

“Aw, but where's the fun in that? It’s much more entertaining to sit back and watch you struggle.” 

“Oh really? I would love to see you do a better job.” He clipped the bedroll to the base of his pack. 

Tommy stepped forward with a smug grin. “Ok, I will, since I’m just so cool and awesome. First off, you need coal for torches and shit. Second, toss the buckets out. You’re not going to be pulling any epic mlg moves here. That's just not how physics work.” Dream grumbled to himself as he took the buckets out of the pile. 

“Shut up, both of you!” George cried out, bringing the bickering to a halt. “Clearly neither of you have any idea what's going on or what to do. So instead of arguing, why don’t you just listen to me and do what I tell you to do. We’re on a timer, aren’t we?” 

Dream and Tommy looked down guilty. They had forgotten about the 48 hour limit, and had ended up falling back into their carefree habits. “Right, sorry.” Tommy said. 

“Alright, Dream, I want you to go and gather some water. Once you’ve got a bucket full, I want you to boil it and bottle it. We can’t have you getting sick from dirty water. Tommy, go and gather some wheat. We don’t need too much, just enough to make enough bread for if we can’t find any animals. I’m going to go and get the horses saddled.” George’s voice was calm as he explained what each of them was going to do. The other two nodded and quickly rushed out of the room. 

~~~

“Alright I’ll be the first to admit, I’ve never rode a horse before. I’ve got no fucking idea what I’m doing,” Tommy admited as he tried to find his balance atop the large animal. The three of them had gathered up all of their materials rather quickly, and were now on their way towards the forest. “Seriously, how the fuck do people do this?”

“By shutting up and not complaining.” Dream seemed to have figured out how to ride his horse pretty quickly, and was now spending his time taunting the younger teenager. 

“Yeah, well maybe if you weren’t so damn annoying, I would have less to complain about.” 

"C'mon, Tommy, hurry up. The sun's setting." George said, while Tommy almost fell off his horse.

The three of them rode across the rough wilderness, as the moon rose slowly along the horizon. This was going to be a long night.

~~~

“We can stop here to make camp for the night,” George said as they came across a small clearing. The three of them had been traveling for hours now, and found themselves in the middle of a birch forest. 

"Eugh, birch. This is literally the worst kind of wood." Dream said jokingly. 

"Agreed." Tommy nodded.

"What? Oh come on, birch isn't that bad." George relatiated as he set up a fire.

"What?" Dream laughed. "George, have you seen these trees?"

"Dream, they're just trees. Plus, we aren't gonna be here for long. We'll keep travelling as soon as the sun rises." George rolled his eyes.

“Ughhhh, really?! But that’s so early!” 

“Tommy, shut up. Stop acting like a child. You’re just lucky that we found a place to stop at all.” George handed both Dream and Tommy a couple of torches. “Here, set these up along the perimeter. The last thing we need is a bunch of mobs trying to kill us while we sleep.” 

Both Dream and Tommy stared at him in shock. 

“What? Do you guys not have mobs in your world?” 

“Wha- No of course we don’t! I didn’t think that they were actually real here, holy shit…” Dream exclaimed. 

“Damn… A world where you don’t have to worry about getting eaten alive in the middle of the night. That honestly sounds really nice.” he shook his head, trying to clear his mind. “Never mind that right now. I need you guys to set up the torches.”

~~~

The sound of a netherite blade slicing through the air echoed across the quiet forest. It had been several hours since they had set up camp, and Dream had long since given up on sleep. The events of the day had played over and over in his mind, making it impossible to close his eyes. And so, he had quietly gotten up and snuck away to a small open area where he could practice.

Over the past week, he had found that practicing sword fighting helped him to calm down. The simple, repetitive motions helped to quiet the intrusive thoughts that continued to plague him. He had started to grow quite reliant on it to stay sane. Maybe, when he finally got home, he would join a fencing class. 

If he got home. No. No he couldn’t think like that. Pessimism wouldn’t get him anyone. He needed to trust Tubbo and Wilbur. They were going to get him and Tommy home. They had to. 

“You know, you’ve really gotten a lot better,” said a voice from behind him. A squeal of surprise was torn from Dream’s throat as he spun around, his sword at the ready. “Pffft, what on earth was that?” George stepped out from the shadows of the trees into the light of the torches that Dream had set up. 

Dream placed a hand on his chest, trying to calm his racing heart. “Jesus man, you scared me. What the hell was that about?” 

The shorter man chuckled as he stepped further into the light. “Gotta keep you on your toes. What's the point of learning how to fight if you’re not constantly aware?” He drew his own sword and held it out in the form of a challenge. 

“You are actually the worst,” he said, raising his own sword in response. 

With a grin, George rushed forward in attack. Dream raised his sword to block the incoming strike, allowing his instincts to take over. He had learned that if he simply didn’t think about what he was doing, he often did quite well. And so he let his mind go blank, instead focusing on surroundings. The stars, the leaves, the trees, even the man before him was all taken in as they sparred. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be asleep?” George asked, most likely hoping to distract his opponent. 

Dream only shrugged as he feigned an attack at his friend's leg, only to come up and create a small cut on his cheek. “Couldn’t sleep. I was hoping that doing some practice would help calm me down.” 

“And? How's your success rate?” 

“Well it was pretty good, until you arrived and scared me half to death.”

“Aww, I didn’t realize compliments scared you so much.” 

“Yes, I’m quite shy.” Dream couldn’t help but grin. 

As the two of them joked back and forth, they continued their little duel. It had been going for a couple minutes now, and they seemed to be at a bit of a stand still. A rush of pride surged through him. In roughly a week, he had gone from completely and totally useless to actually able to defend himself. Now, he just needed to set himself apart. 

His mind began working overtime, analysing every small detail. Quickly, he reached back with his free hand and pulled out a loaded crossbow. George’s face transformed into surprise when he saw the weapon. The bolt flew past his face, only just barely grazing the side of his head.

Dream quickly threw the weapon aside and pressed his advantage. Suddenly, the favor was tipped towards Dream. George was unbalanced, startled by the use of the crossbow. Still, he managed to raise his sword just in time to block another strike. 

With his free hand, Dream reached into one of the pouches around his waist and pulled out a small sphere, roughly the size of a marble. With a slight squeeze, the sphere expanded to the size of a baseball. While George was distracted with blocking the strike towards his face, Dream tossed the sphere behind him. With a crash, the sphere shattered against the ground.

Suddenly, Dream appeared behind George in a shower of purple. With a sweep of his foot, his friend came falling to the ground. With a final motion, he held the sword above his throat, his green eyes bright with exhilaration and delight. 

“Alright alright, you win. I surrender,” George said with a laugh. 

“Did you see that?! That was so cool! Oh my god that was so awesome!” Dream exclaimed as he helped George to his feet. “That was so damn cool!!” he started jumping around the small clearing in excitement. 

“How did you even do that? I’ve never seen someone use a crossbow in the middle of a sword fight before” 

“I’ll be honest, I’ve got no idea. I have no idea what the hell I just did. I just know that it was cool as fuck!” 

He shook his head, chuckling as he watched his friend dance around the area. George had never seen Dream show any sort of emotion before, much this level of excitement. Even though he knew the reasons why, he couldn’t help but feel a bit weirded out by it. Watching the pure joy flash across Dream’s face was strange. Still, it was nice. “You are such a dork” 

He only responded with a wide grin. 

A thought flashed through George’s mind, causing him to frown slightly. Dream stopped his playful jumping and walked over, his eyes now filled with concern. “Hey, you alright?” He asked. “Oh shit, you’re bleeding! Hold on I’ve got a few bandages on me I think…” 

As Dream pulled out a couple white bandages from his bag, George let out a slight chuckle. “Do you even know how to use those?” 

“Uhhh, not really? I’m sure I can figure it out. How hard can it be?” 

He wasn’t impressed. With a roll of his eyes, George held out his hand for the bandages “Here, just let me do it. It doesn’t really hurt, I think it's just a small cut. Probably just needs to be cleaned.” Taking a bottle of water from his bag, he quickly wet the bandage and started to clean the blood from his face. 

Dream pouted. “Well what if I wanted to help?” 

“Then you can go and wash the blood out of these,” George said, tossing him the now stained bandages. “No point in wasting perfectly good bandages because of a small cut.”

He caught them easily, but otherwise didn’t move. “Nope. Not until you tell me whats wrong.

The brunette cursed under his breath. Since when had he been so easy to read? “I uh, I was just thinking about… Stuff,” he waived his hand vaguely. 

“You wanna talk about it?” Dream plopped down onto the grass and patted the ground next to him. “Here, take a seat.”

He sat. 

“Spill.”

“I’m just… Worried, I guess? I mean, in a few days, you’re going to be gone and… the other Dream will be back. I guess I’m just scared about what he's gonna do.”

The smile faded from Dream’s face as he considered what to say. “What was he like?” he asked after a few seconds. “The other me, I mean.”

“He was… Scary. All he cared about was the thrill of the hunt. The mask made it impossible to tell what he was ever thinking, which made it ten times worse. Of course, it only covered his eyes and nose, so that you could still see his grin.” He shuddered. “I watched as he blew up the gates of L’manberg with a massive smile on his face.” 

“So then… why did you follow him in the first place?” 

“I had no choice. When Sapnap and I showed up, he was the only other person here. It was either join him or be left out to die to the mobs. After a while I guess I just didn’t realize how cruel he was. He was a good leader, and super charismatic. Not to mention a really good actor. By the time the war started… I guess I just trusted him, if that makes sense. He had kept me alive ‘till then, so why would anything change?”

Dream nodded. He wasn’t going to pretend like he understood what his friend had gone through, but he could still try and help in his own way.  “He taught you sword fighting, how to survive. You felt like you were indebted to him, right?” 

“Yeah… Pretty much. God, its so stupid! I should have been able to realize how messed up he was. Why the hell did I not realize?!” He took off his round sunglasses and pinched the bridge of his nose, his eyes shut tight. “I was so fucking stupid.” 

Hesitantly, Dream reached over and placed a hand on his friends back, trying to comfort him. “Hey, that’s not stupid. You’d be surprised at how easily our minds can trick us into thinking we’re doing the right thing. You just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. That's not your fault.” A stab of guilt shot through him. He had been the one to add George onto the server. If he had waited a bit, would things have been different? Maybe if he had acted differently on stream, or not sent the declaration of war, maybe things would have turned out different. The other Dream might have turned out to be a decent guy, not someone that people trembled before and feared. 

“I should have been smarter… I should have joined Sapnap when he went off on his own.” 

The weight of George’s words finally sunk in. The other Dream was a monster, a killer. He was the living, breathing version of the mask Dream sometimes wore in his videos. The act of someone who enjoyed the hunt, and nothing more. These past two weeks had been peaceful and calm compared to what everyone had normally lived through, and it was all because the monster was finally gone. But now… now they were about to bring him back. They were about to bring everyone’s worst nightmare back to life. 

What choice did they have? It was either that, or let the entire world get destroyed. Either way, the other Dream was about to ruin people’s lives. He sighed. “It's going to be alright, ok? We’ll figure something out, I promise. You’re not going to go back to living like that. I promise.” 

Now, it was just a matter of keeping that promise. 

~~~

Master Post

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[thirstyforred]

ok so, it's not like a fully fleshed idea, there's no ending, and the amount of words i would like to put into it is just too much atm, bc like at least over 10k sounds sweet, but anyway here's an idea for one of the squares in my witcher bingo - mind-reading spell/curse

it's the role swap au - i could just do "that's so sad, Hubert play Gwent/tavern music", but i think there's actually something to this idea that could be interesting with how some parts of the canon are being twisted and fit back together

Alvin is a vampire, lets just go with katakan, because why not

i might lean a bit into Book of Beautiful Horrors fanon (which i just realized inspired my other post about higher vamps, but for some reason, i completely forgot about it, until last week when i was looking again for this book) and say that katakans are great hunters, capable of tracking they prey just by the smell, but also having more special connection to the blood. like drinking of certain beings gives them certain effects - like how Gael even canonically drinks from drunk folks so he can actually get completely sloshed

but also if i combine it with how Erland never specified what actually are vampires eating since blood makes them just tipsy and isn't the main source of nutrients, let's say that vampires are lowkey like dragons - that they are actually consuming magic. so they would live nearby sources of power or like power nexuses, or like the Unseen Elder in B&W not far from the place where Ard Gaeth opened, which likely would still be pretty charged

which leads me to another point, if they're consuming magic, then possibly can they also use magic - and there are the different way this could be spun, for example, if let's say alp drinks bruxa's blood, then they can talk with birds for few nights, or like combine their own powers with the one they get from blood, and like give birds ability to dream, and then invade those dreams and shape them, like idk there could be some fun combinations here

so considering all of this stuff - Alvin is a katakan who drinks from sorcerers and that makes him so op

and he's at a point where it's not just about feeding himself in the most pleasurable way, by eating beings charged with magic, or just about blood addiction, no, it's about power

and because it's me writing about Alvin, whether i make a big point out of it or not, there's always a shadow behind him of that goth mfs red riders who influenced the way he understands the world - Nam and Nithral - so without deep explanations lets just say, that Alvin is a relatively young vampire, who was basically raised up by Aen Elle Wild Hunt deserter Namrevlis, like seriously who cares, it was always crack and canon bending bs

but the thing is, Nam and her blood smell and taste pretty uniquely like it's not a tone, but still, there's that drop of Hen Ichaer, of Lara's Gene in Red Riders, and i will take this fanon with me to the grave, and that, that taste of the Spiral is what Alvin is really looking for

which he ofc can't find because regular mages while still powerful, their blood making him almost a mage himself, is just nothing in comparison

and there's Hubert - he's a surgeon in Novigrad, just regular boring human, let's fuck with the timeline say in his 20s, but he's also the Source. He's the carrier of Lara's Gene. He doesn't want this sort of legacy, wears tones of dimeritium amulets and whatnot to tame his wild, never trained magic talents, but still, he's plagued by horrifying dreams of the White Frost

i guess would make sense if that sort of thing was more manageable when he was a kid and teen, but got worse with time, and also there are Witch Hunters all over Novigrad, so Hubert has to find some way or maybe mentor, do something about it

so he asks some people he trusts about ideas, like Gael and Queen of the Night, and finally, Queen is like yeah i know of someone, they help hiding mages in Wizima, but also they're very dangerous, and Hubert is like who is it? i need to know! and she's like it's the leader of Salamandra

yes im keeping Alvin being a drug lord, i find it the funniest part of his whole fucking deal

but anyway Hubert travels to Wizima and somehow get's introduced to Alvin, and he just gets a whiff of Hubert and he starts salivating

but Alvin is not an idiot, he knows if he will eat a guy in one sitting it won't sate him for long, and help him really peer through that veil between the world or whatever - he's a fantasy medieval business major, he's gonna put a nice collar on that neck

(i still remember it was supposed to be about mindreading, the idea was just more cohesive and compressed in my mind lol)

but Hubert explains his whole deal and problem, and Alvin is like oh ok cool, then we can have here like a mutual agreement - because he was somewhat educated on the Spiral by Nam, he gets and understands the things Hubert is seeing in his visions, he just can't hold them for too long - while for Hubert everything is just chaotic and a bit scary, and makes him feel lost

but thankfully all higher vamps (but true ones lol) have telepathic abilities, which means that Alvin can just look into Hubert's mind, amplify it by drinking his blood, if they meditated together, created like a mental bond between their minds, they could literally unravel the Spiral together

like all the crazy stuff i have ever written about the Spiral but more

oh and there's like some gay stuff happening ofc