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xoxoladyaz · 2 years ago

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It Hits Different This Time

Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Rock Star Eddie Munson x Steve Harrington

Part One / Part Two / Part Three / Part Four / Part Five

“Steve.”

He hears Robin knocking on the door, her knuckles tapping firmly against the wood.

“STEVE.”

He’s lying on the bed in Robin’s guest bedroom, limbs starfished across the plush gray comforter, staring at the ceiling fan. Taylor Swift is singing to him, blasting from the Alexa speaker next to him.

Oh my, love is a lie, shit my friends say to get me by

“Alexa, volume up.”

“Steve – STEVE!”

It hits different, it hits different this time

“Alexa, off,” Robin says as she marches into the room. Taylor’s voice cuts off almost immediately and Steve huffs, frustrated.

“Steve, as much as I love listening to your ‘Sad Taylor Swift’ playlist, you need to eat something. Go for a walk. Take a shower.”

“I’d rather not.”

Sighing, Robin kicks his left leg until he’s made enough room for her to collapse down beside him and gaze up at the spinning fan.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.”

They lay in silence.

“It’s just – our three-year anniversary, Robin.”

“I know.”

“He didn’t even text me.”

“I know.”

“And the supermodels at the club! And the tweets!”

“I know, Steve.”

There’s moisture pricking at the inside of his eyes now. “I just – it’s dumb, okay? I thought we could make this work. But I guess I’m not as important to him as he is to me.”

“Dingus,” Robin chides, and he turns his face away so she can’t see that he’s actually crying now. (She still probably knows that he is; Robin always knows. He just doesn’t want anyone to see.) “Okay, is Eddie Munson a huge idiot? Yes, and he has been for as long as we’ve known him. Is he kind of an asshole now that he’s famous? Yes. Do I think this is the end? Not necessarily.”

Steve snorts. “It’s been four days, Robin. Nothing for four days. I think it’s already ended.”

Robin cuddles up to his side so now they’re legitimately snuggling together. “Look, all I’m saying is he’s going to be back in the state in a few days and I think you owe it yourself to at least have a conversation with him. Either you two decide to work things out and start communicating better or you decide that he’s not pulling his weight to make his relationship work and you get closure. Either way, I think you need to talk to him.”

“Yeah,” Steve sniffles. “You’re probably right.”

“Steven, I’m always right.”

“I’m sorry, do you want to talk about the Pixar question you fumbled on trivia night?”

“Dingus, I swear to god if you don’t let it go - ”

/////

Eddie’s groggy and nauseous and fuck the sun is too bright. He pulls at the window-shades as he stumbles into their kitchen, dropping his Louis Vuitton bag on the floor. The fact that he’s managing to walk while coming down from a five day bender that he barely fucking remembers is kind of a miracle.

“Steve! Stevie, baby, I’m home!”

Silence.

What day is it today, Saturday? He’s probably at the farmer’s market with Robin. Eddie’s a few days early anyways, wanted it to be a surprise. And honestly, it’s probably a good thing Steve’s not home, Eddie needs to keep sobering up.

He pulls a fresh bottle of water out of the fridge and collapses onto the restored dining-room chairs they bought a few months ago. He tips it back and drinks it down greedily, swallowing the cool water down his aching throat. “Oh, that’s good,” he moans to himself, dropping the now empty bottle onto the dining room table.

The empty bottle that clangs against something. Squinting, Eddie opens his eyes and looks down.

There’s a small box sitting at his spot, a card laying haphazardly onto the side. It looks like someone opened it and scribbled all over what they originally wrote.

Eddie frowns and grabs for the card. It’s Steve’s writing. Whatever he’s crossed out is unreadable. Instead, all there is is the following:

I would say Happy Anniversary, but judging by the fact that (1) you didn’t return my call or even text me back and (2) the paps caught you at the club with the guys and a bunch of supermodels instead, I’m going to assume that you’re not interested in celebrating it anymore.

Eddie feels his stomach sink so fast that he’s going to lose all the water he just drank.

Look, Eds, I am so proud of you for making your dream come true. I would never ask you to give that up or sacrifice your music for me. But I’m tired of feeling alone in this relationship. Of feeling like you don’t love me as much as I love you. Because I would do anything for you, but I think this all proves that you wouldn’t do the same for me.

Anyways, I still want you to have your gift. It wouldn’t make sense to give it to anyone else.

Your biggest fan, Steve

He can’t see straight and it’s not because of the drugs. He can’t breathe and it’s not because of his asthma or his wicked smoking habit.

He grabs the small box, flips it open, and chokes back a sob.

It’s a perfect replica of Aragorn’s ring, the ring he’s given that proves he is Isilduir’s heir. He’s wanted it foryears, but it was never something that he thought he could buy for himself. Sure, he could buy whatever random luxury shit without a sweat, but something so meaningful to him? Because reading The Lord of the Rings saved his fucking life in high school? His brain couldn’t deal with him buying it for himself. His therapist says it’s one of his many hang-ups regarding money and fame and his self-esteem issues, but that’s not what matters right now.

What matters is that Steve gave this to him, loved him enough to have it made for him.

And now Steve is gone.

Eddie grabs for his phone with shaking hands and checks the date.

“Fuck.”

Five days.

He’s five days too fucking late.

He’s dialing Jeff before he can even realize he’s doing it.

“Dude, I really don’t want to be talking to you right now.”

“Jeff,” Eddie barely gets out, his voice choking on a sob. “Steve is gone.”

Jeff’s silent for a moment.

“I’m on my way.”

#steddie #steddie week #steddie angst #steddie fanfic #rock star eddie munson #angst #stranger things #hurt/comfort #Steve x Eddie #lmk if you'd like a follow-up to this or not #hits different Taylor swift #Steve harrington #Eddie munson #stobin #stobin friendship #rock star au #fame au #corroded coffin

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evolnoomym · 5 months ago

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Bigger than the whole sky 🌌

Dbf!Joel Miller x f!reader

Pt.2🌠 | Main Masterlist | Joel Miller Masterlist

Summary: You meet Joel and well of course you fall for each other. It’s a bit bumpy since he’s your Dads best friend. But things seem to work out until they don’t anymore. One event changes everything.

Rating: 18+ mature content mdni!!!!

Word count: 5.1k

Warnings: no use of y/n, pov switches that might be confusing, female reader, reader has hair, reader wears makeup, reader can get pale, weight loss, implied childhood abuse, trauma, angst, heavy angst(?), implied smut, alludes to pregnancy, funerals, coffins, reader has no name only a bunch of nicknames, size difference, dbf!Joel Miller, mentions of throwing up, loss of a loved one, grief, depression (?), food and eating issues are mentioned, talks of having a baby, Blood, dark thoughts, intrusive thoughts, age gap, readers age is not exactly mentioned but Joel is 44, talks of getting married….

If I missed anything please let me know 🙏🏻

Authors note: this is for @almostfoxglove ‘s Angst Writing Challenge. Shoutout to her she created the moodboard, it’s sooooo beautiful. 🫶🏻

Shoutout to @thecutestgrotto and @cafekitsune for the dividers 💙

Disclaimer: English is not my first language so if you come across mistakes it might be due to that. This is also only my second time posting writing for a specific character. I’m totally here for constructive criticism or feedback on how to improve. In general I appreciate comments, likes and reblogs greatly. This not beta read btw only by my eyes and they hurt after starring at the screen for so long 🌌🫶🏻

And lastly I’ll leave some songs i listened to while writing <3

loml by Taylor Swift

Black Friday by Tom Odell

This is what the drugs are for by Gracie Abrams

I guess by Mitski

Present by Lloyd Vaan

Je te laisserai des mots by Patrick Watson

Home by Daughter

Allowed to be Happy by Gustavo Santaolalla

Song on the Beach by Arcade Fire, Owen Pallet

aisatsana [102] by Aphex Twin

Fourth of July by Sufjan Stevens

Francis Forever by Mitski

A House In Nebraska by Ethel Cain

Medicine by Daughter

Youth by Daughter

I can barely say his name by Patrick Jonsson

listen before I go by Billie Eilish

You remember exactly how you met Joel Miller, it was so simple. He was the one to give your Dad a job at the construction company he led together with his younger brother Tommy. In the beginning you only heard how great of a boss he supposedly was through your Dads stories.

Joel and him seemed to have grown into real good friends in the span of mere weeks. You always had wondered what the man from his stories was like in person, up close.

When you had to drive to the construction site to bring your Dad his lunch he had forgotten due to being a bit busy that morning. It seemed like your wishes to meet Joel would become reality. You didn’t think the big boss would spend his precious time with the actual building process but as you'd figure out in the future, Joel is a hands on kinda guy.

You must’ve looked super out of place and quite lost when he approached you. His Texas drawl still echoed through your head hours later. „Well Hello Darlin, lookin for someone?“ and if that alone didn’t completely blew you away, then certainly his stunning looks. When you turned towards the voice a tall, broad and awfully handsome man looked back at you.

After an awkward beat of silence he stretched his hand out towards you “Apologies sweetheart, should’a start with the name, huh?” Tilting his head slightly “Name’s Joel, Joel Miller.” At that you let your hand slip onto his outstretched one. His hand was so huge, warm and calloused. Shaking his hand kinda calmed you down Joel Miller was absolutely lovely. “Nice to finally meet the famous Joel Miller that my Dad keeps yapping about nonstop.” You giggled while cheekily winking at him.

That must’ve been a key moment for everything that was to follow. You’d see Joel again and again. Whether due to your Dad inviting the single, 44 year old Man over or due to you having to deliver your Dad’s forgotten food.

The tension was slowly building higher and higher between you two until one day in Joel’s office you could no longer hold back.

Joel stood in his office with you by his side, in front of a pinboard containing all sorts of information about his newest project. He was animatedly explaining processes you’d never understand in a million years. You actually kind of tuned him out and just enjoyed being unbelievably close to him.

Then his face kinda looked confused. Oh no he must’ve asked you a question. Shaking your head you say “Mhhh sorry, what did you just ask?” Joel tilts his head towards you the way he always does and then states “Ya didn’t listen to a single word I just said, right Sweetcheeks?”

He always comes up with the most ridiculous nicknames that cause a vicious pull in your lower stomach. You lost count of how many conversations with him ended in drenched panties.

“I….i -of course I was listening to you, why wouldn’t I?” You stammered a bit offensively, surely he’d see right through you.

“Hm kay, so what was I talkin bout, gorgeous?” He’s teasing at this point.

“Ok I wasn’t listening but that is a lot I don’t get anyway so can you really blame me, Miller?” You fired back.

“So, whatcha thinkin bout inside of that pretty little head of yours, instead of listening to me?” You just scoff at him “Let’s not pretend you don’t know exactly what I was thinking about Joel.” Pointing one accusing finger at his broad chest. At that motion Joel enveloped your wrist in one of his massive hands, pulling you closer that way. Until you were right in front of him, only a tiny space left between your faces. “Why don’t ya tell me whatcha thinkin about Baby?”

He must know, just by seeing how your eyes keep slipping down to glance at his pillowy lips, what is going through your head. You’ve been dancing around this topic, the tension, the pull towards each other, how forbidden it is for all of this to happen. Joel is your Dads Best friend and he’s twice as old as you are but you know that if you don’t kiss him right now you’ll go insane. It’s all you think about, kissing him and then some more.

For the first time in years you actually consider letting someone get so close again. Joel would never hurt you like the ones before him did, no, he’s mature and wouldn’t play any of those stupid games. You know how kind, considerate, protective and caring he is for the ones he loves. Sure it won’t be easy to explain any of this to your Dad but you can’t think about that right now, no, you have to kiss Joel, it’s the last thought before leaning up to push your lips against his.

One chaste kiss that erupted into a full blown make out session that only got interrupted by some frantic knocks at Joel’s Office door.

From that day on those meetings became a routine, in his office, his truck, his house or sometimes he’d take you out of town for a super secret Date. The thrill of hiding with the possibility of getting caught soon turned into shame for lying to your Dad so much. You wanted to tell him even though it scared you more than anything how he might react.

Surprisingly though he didn’t completely freak out, of course he was shocked and confused how this combination came to be. More than anything he took the lying personally and made clear that as long as you are happy, so is he. If Joel was the one then so be it, besides your Dad has a lot of respect for Joel and knows you're in good hands.

After 3 months of being an official couple Joel asked if you’d be happy to move in with him. You had to think about it for a long time, feeling quite guilty about leaving your Dad behind but he reassured you that he would be fine on his own. He told you that a grown woman like you shouldn’t have to live with her boring old man anymore than you already did.

So you moved into Joel’s house. And what followed were months filled with wonderful memories. Many barbecues were held, your Dad and Joel always standing at the grill together, each nursing on their beer bottles.

Whenever you wanted to try a new recipe your Dad was invited over so you could make sure he still ate enough, the night always ending with you sending him home with a bunch of Tupperware's filled to the brim with deliciously homemade meals.

When you wanted to paint the walls in the living room a new shade your Dad came over to help.

Making sure his baby girl is happy and content was your Dads number one priority.

Then one day you went over to his house to catch up a little bit, just you two having some Dad and Daughter one on one quality time.

He was so excited when you told him that Joel and you want to have a baby.

He told you what a great mother you’d make because of how wonderful you always have been with kids and how much you always wanted to have kids of your own.

To others it might’ve been weird to share such an information with their Dad but you have such a close bond that it’s not weird at all.

You were so happy on the drive home cuz you know what great grandpa he’d make.

It must've been exactly one week later when you woke up with an indescribable feeling in your chest. As if the world spun a little slower, or the air felt more compromising…whatever it was you couldn’t stop feeling like something had happened.

Your intuition only perked up more when your Dad didn’t show up for the usual Sunday’s breakfast you recently started doing.

After 8 calls that nobody picked up you told Joel you would drive over there and as if he knew that you would need him for whatever was awaiting you there, he came with you.

The closer you got to the house the worse you felt. Hands sweaty, heartbeat racing and your stomach felt like turning over at the sight of the house. Usually he would be up by now playing his obnoxiously loud music that you’d hear on the street through the open kitchen window. Instead it was eerily quiet.

When Joel had parked the car he told you to wait for him but you couldn't. You just ran up the steps, unlocked the door with your spare key and bolted through the house as if on instinct you skipped up the steps to his bedroom. You flung the door open and there he was. Just laying on his designated side with his glasses still on and one hand on his chest across his heart. He looked like he was just sleeping but deep down you knew he was not. You can’t remember a lot, only that you immediately bolted towards the bathroom to empty your stomach out, Joel came up too and tried comforting you through the heaving. Then he tried to get you away from the scene. Joel took care of everything while you just locked up inside of yourself. No tears, no screams, no words, not a singular reaction just nothing. Joel had never seen you look so…empty.

Later on the authorities would say it’s just natural cause, he simply passed in his sleep, nothing dramatic. Not the kind of closure you would have wanted. It didn’t matter how “normal” it was, your world stopped spinning entirely. Everyone seemed to go one but you just stopped.

Suddenly without any foreshadowing everything was completely flipped on its head. You loved him so much, he was your best friend. He told you all the time how much he loved you even with all your struggles. You’d never have to prove your worth to him; he'd love you no matter what. In his eyes you were a gift, opposite to your mother that looked at you as a burden. You never felt loved by her. She took away your precious childhood and forced you to grow up quickly. So you could take care of her. Even when you told her how close to the edge you were she always made everything about herself. Out of your parents the one person that actually wanted you, died and with him so did your willingness to continue with the fight against all your inner demons.

You lost yourself after that. For weeks you just slept, barely moving, only getting up to use the toilet and perhaps eat something small and drink a bit. Joel had to shower you, otherwise you wouldn’t have done it yourself. Who you were before losing your Dad was gone, as if you died with him.

Joel tried everything in his power to make you feel better. One time he wanted to paint with you since you loved to do that, but the moment your eyes caught sight of the little paint pots you ran for the toilet to empty out your stomach. Later on he realized his mistake, you used to paint with your Dad a lot all the way back in your childhood so of course that would not make you feel better. Then he tried playing music for you either your favorite songs from your playlist or on his guitar. Nothing, you just continued to be completely catatonic.

Then the funereal came, a day Joel dreaded he was not sure you’d be able to handle it. In the morning he made your hair and applied a bit of makeup, he watched you do your little routine often enough to know what he was doing. Afterwards he dressed you in a simple black dress and equally black flats. Walking only worked since Joel kept you upright.

Sitting in the front row bench at the chapel you looked like a ghost. Pale and sunken in. You were asked to do a speech about your Dad but that would’ve been impossible. So Joel went up to do it instead. You just stared straight ahead at the coffin, not sparing a glance towards Joel.

And once everything was over, the people, mostly his colleagues, paid him their respects. When everyone was gone you stayed and just laid your head on the coffin silently sobbing, which was the most emotion Joel had seen in weeks from you. Only he was to witness this vulnerability.

Staring at the completed grave was just as daunting. His name is written in cold stone. All that’s left is this hole in the earth and a stone on top with his name.

You walked away without sparring another glance toward the grave.

Then it seemed like you were getting better. You spoke more, ate more and slept less. You even searched out body contact with Joel, though it was just some cuddling and gentle kissing. But he took it as a step in the right direction.

You almost fully returned to your old self but Joel could have not predicted how wrong he would be.

He should’ve listened to his gut that told him something was off when you didn’t kiss him goodbye before he left for work that morning.

You know how hard it will be but there’s no other choice. You have to get away, you have to leave so he can find someone better, someone who deserves a man like Joel Miller, someone less troubled, someone normal.

Those fears you have now, always were inside of you but with your Dad passing they just all came to the surface. Grief killed you, it took everything, it’s as if you're in a room with a beautiful glowing bulb and some dark entity just rips it away. You're left in the dark and not even Joel’s light can make it better.

You lost something nothing can replace.

All your life you feared what would happen if you’d lose someone like this without any way of getting closure, he died without any warning just poof and gone he was.

Your final goodbye was never said.

Now you can’t remember how he used to be, you only remember him laying in his bed without moving a damn muscle,dead. You were the one to find him and even though it was not some unsettling scene it’s not leaving your head. You try hard to remember how he spoke that sarcastic tone he usually used.

You can’t remember his face anymore, not even looking at pictures brings him back and at the same time he’s all you think about as if he’s haunting you. You hate him for leaving you so early. Why him? What kind of curse was laid upon you that everything always seems to fall apart when you think it’s finally working out.

It’s as if some higher up can sense that you are happy and content with your life and they don’t want to give you that sorta life.

The moment your brain processed what had happened you fell into the darkness like a big hole that sucked you in without any way out. Anyone around you could be another loss so what do you do? You leave, you disappear so no one gets hurt by whatever is wrong with you.

Looking at yourself hurts because it’s him you see and it’s him you hear in your head he’s everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Sometimes you feel like you’re hallucinating because you swear to see him round the corner, you can almost hear him call out but when you try to look there’s nothing.

Sometimes but much rarer than you’d like to admit you’ve visited the grave, sometimes you speak to no one. Sometimes you scream in agony till you almost lose consciousness from the lack of oxygen. Sometimes you just stare.

It’s a sick twist of events considering how often he walked on cemeteries with you as a child. You didn’t understand the meaning behind them back then, you only loved to admire the beautiful flower ornaments laying on top of the graves. Your dad always told you how soothing these walks seemed for you.

One time he took you and you had so much fun admiring the flowers giggling and smiling. Your dad wanted to tell you off since it’s a place where people grieved especially with a woman sitting nearby crying. He went to apologize to her on your behalf but the woman told him not to. She thought it was an uplifting sight to see little you having so much joy about the flowers, that’s a story he always kept telling you again and again.

All your life those walks soothed your frayed mind. The quiet somber energy is something no other place could compare with. Now it’s the last place you’d wanna be in. The moment you step foot on the property, the panic starts to creep up on you. The closer you get to him the worse it gets.

Sometimes the voices in your head scream to just start digging into the earth to get him out of that godforsaken coffin. Look at him, do something to bring him back. If the devil would show up to take you instead of your dad you’d do it. He was a troubled man but he tried so hard. He did not deserve any of this, he should’ve been here for all the good times yet to come.

You imagined him walking you down the aisle, having that stupid first look with him where he’d surely try so hard not to cry but looking at his baby in a wedding dress would’ve been way too much for him to stay strong. You imagined having your first dance with him.

You imagined how excited he would’ve been to hear that he was going to be a grandpa. In your head you can see him with a little baby that looks just like you. But none of this will ever happen; he's dead.

Sometimes it’s hard to even look at Joel. He's connected to him as well; he was his boss and one of his closest friends. It’s not fair you know but in your head you see Joel and your dad laughing on the porch about some old men shit like always making their awful dad jokes. Or drinking a beer together or looking to fix something around the house.

The house, Joel’s house and a place your dad spent a lot of time in. Walking through the hallways is not pleasant anymore, the couch is avoided as best as you can. He used to sit here all the time watching soccer games with Joel. The chair at the dining table he always sat on had to be removed simply seeing it made you sick and eating was already a hefty struggle since he passed.

He left a mark anywhere and all of it was getting too much. The pressure in your head becomes more and more unbearable.

Even though you tried to push all those negative festering thoughts away the voices could not be shut up no matter what you tried.

The worst was when they started to go for Joel, suddenly all you could think of was how he’d die. Joel is only 10 years your dad’s junior. So if he died then why not Joel too.

So many horrible scenarios played out inside your mind. Car accident, some freak accident on a construction site, getting attacked by multiple people, torturing him slowly, beating him to death, his head all split open, blood everywhere, or what if he gets shot by some crazy Texan who loves guns. There really was not a scenario left to imagine.

Nightmares in the most cruel ways destroying you slowly from the inside out. And that just proved how one thing can make an avalanche of events happen. He was your purpose for most of your life, you only continued to play this game called life because you could not leave him. And now he left you.

One time he told you how if it weren’t for you he’d be dead or in jail since there would be no reason to give a damn about his life. He was just like you, living for others instead of for himself. No one understood you like him. Somewhere deep inside you know he wouldn’t want you to blame yourself so much but that singular fact does nothing compared to all the ever suffocating darkness.

You’d give anything to have him back, feel his warm embrace one more time, hear him say how much he loves you, have him tell you one of his stories, have him tell you it’s going to be alright, take one more look and inhale his signature scent. You have one of his shirts doused in his favorite perfume, it’s what you used to do in all those years you lived far away from him during childhood. Now it does not help like it did back then. What remains of him? Nothing, all of his stuff shoved into a storage unit looked up, buried just like him.

You know Joel tried hard to be supportive and not push you too hard. Sometimes you wished he would’ve just screamed at you, slapped some sense into you and told you to stop being such a disgraceful mess. That’s what they would’ve done.

But Joel is not like that, he helped you so much. Putting himself so far behind. So much so that you feel sorry he has to deal with an ill girlfriend, that’s what you are, a mental wreck.

He deserves better treatment than the lackluster one you have given him in the last months. He deserves to be free of your weight dragging him down towards the abyss. Even though he told you in the beginning that he loves you with all the baggage and all the challenges, you cannot let him continue to waste his time.

Besides you’re convinced he’d leave you anyway like everyone before one way or another you end up alone. You have no control of the situation but if you leave then you have the control it still hurts but it’s the only option in your head.

The decision was made weeks ago, it felt wrong to lie to Joel to keep him thinking everything is fine only to then rip it all away but perhaps it’ll make him hate you so it’s easier. If he hates you then he will be able to move on with his life. Burn all you build together down.

And then you knew today would be the day. You couldn’t bear to kiss him in the morning; it would only make everything harder. Some time after he left you got up. One last time using the shower you both occasionally used together having foam party’s, giggling, washing each other and then kissing, touching till it leads to you with your cheek squished against the tile and Joel behind you ferociously hitting that special spot inside of you, till you both reach your high. Now you’re alone staring at that specific spot in the tiles, too much so you turn away.

One last time looking at yourself in the mirror above the sink, the mirror Joel and you both looked into while brushing your teeth. You dry your hair, put on fresh clothes, nothing too dramatic, just some simple black leggings and a black cotton shirt.

Then you start packing the most important stuff into two big suitcases. Basically only clothes, some hygiene products and a few trinkets that you don’t want to leave behind. The rest can be either sold by Joel or thrown away. You don’t care, the less holding you back the better.

Once the suitcases are packed you haul them down the stairs towards the front door. And then you just wait. For hours you sit at the dining table just staring ahead at the wall opposite where so many photos of Joel and you hang so many memories and you’ll destroy it.

You should feel bad but these days you barely feel anything, numb is what you think you feel most of the time. Maybe that’s what your ex meant when he said that you don’t own a heart, that you’re a cold blooded mean person. Someone who plays with people until they stop serving their purpose, that's what he said.

It’s almost 8pm, Joel should be home soon. You have practically studied the words you’ll say. An Uber already ordered to arrive 15 minutes after he should get home. Not much to talk about the less the easier so you can just walk away.

Then you hear it, Joel’s truck driving up the driveway and coming to a halt. How he gets out and slams the door shut behind him. His keys jiggling while he searches for the right one. Unlocking the door and closing it behind him. You don’t turn towards him although you know he must be looking at you in astonishment. He can not miss the suitcases and something about the lack of his words tells you he knows exactly what this means.

Joel cannot believe what he walked into, he knew something was off but just thought that he was starting to imagine things but here you are sitting like an empty shell of yourself and the packed suitcases can only mean one thing, he tries his hardest not to freak out that won’t make anything better.

He starts walking towards you, slowly, once he reaches the threshold of the living room he speaks up

“Moon, Darling what’s goin on?” He immediately continues “What’s with those suitcases, huh?” He can’t even hide the nervous quiver in his voice.

You turn to finally look at him with empty eyes, get up and walk up to him and then “I have to leave.” And with that you move to walk past him but Joel stops you by reaching for you arm, you immediately pull your arm away hissing “Don’t fuckin touch me Joel.”

He’s stunned by this harsh rejection, his expression full of hurt. Yet he persists by getting close, grabbing your face with both hands, his warm calloused hands that you love- loved so much. He urges “Talk to me baby, what is going on, why would ya need to leave?” Even with everything he tried to be gentle, his voice panicked yet almost just a whisper.

He can see in your eyes some sadness creeping in when you mutter “Joel..-“ you take one deep inhale “-…this House no longer feels like home.” He can tell even with how hard you try to appear collected that it pains you to say those words. “Wh…what do ya mean? If- if the house is the problem we can just move.” You cut in “No Joel, no i..I don’t love you anymore. Ok? I can’t stay here any longer.”

It’s a punch right into his gut there’s no way you are serious. “Baby all ya stuff is here you can’t just leave.” He tries to find something to buy him time. “I don’t care Joel just…just throw it away or sell it or I don’t know fuckin burn it. I won’t need it anyway.” He’s so shocked that you use that to continue your path towards the front door and the waiting suitcases.

On top of one suitcase lies a tote bag containing your phone, a jacket and your wallet sits. You swing it over your shoulder, you can hear that Joel has started crying, his huffed breaths are all you can hear.

That’s when a car starts honking outside, the Uber is here, you go to open the front door twisting the knob you can hear him walking up behind you with heavy steps. You open the door anyway with him at your back and you move the suitcases out onto the porch. Joel’s trying his hardest to contain his sobbing to a minimum but it’s hard he loves you so much, he thinks about the ring in his wardrobe hidden behind stuff you’d never go for and he thinks about the talks you two had of having a baby. If only he knew

His heart is breaking watching you walk away from all of it. You turn to him, one last time, he looks shattered, you've never seen Joel like this, you give him a nod as if to give him the ok to touch you one more time if only to give some kind of closure. He moves closer without hesitation and takes your face in his hands once more and leans his forehead against yours. His frantic breathing collides with your face and then “Wh…why Baby just why?” He sobs A simple question and you decide to give him at least something you reach up to put your hands over his to get him to open his eyes.

“Joel I’m not myself anymore, i-…i feel so all over the place and I’m so scared.” Tears start clouding your sight. “I need to be away from everything. I need to be alone far away to just maybe find some peace. I need to be gone.” And the tears start falling “No matter where I look I can’t stop seeing him and it’s crushing me.” Now you're full on crying. He’s processing what you’re saying and somewhere in his mind he understands that, still he can’t believe this is it.

“Ok-….if ya need to go at least promise you’ll give some sorta sign ya alright?” He looks desperate “Please Baby….please just a text something anything.” You only nod and then pull out of his grasp, take the suitcases and shakinly make your way to the Uber. Joel can only watch and hope you’ll stick to your words, hope that you’ll find some kind of way back to yourself.

The Uber driver gets out as you approach and opens the trunk helping to put the suitcases in there. Then you walk to the right door on the back, open it and hesitate for a moment. Joel holds his breath but you continue to slip into the backseat. Closing the door and off the car goes. Joel doesn’t know for how much longer he stood on the porch long after the car was gone. What was there is no more.

Npt: @almostfoxglove @joelmillerisapunk @aurorawritestoescape @milla-frenchy @joelslegalwhre @thundermartini @studioghibelli @sizzlingcloudmentality @vivian-pascal @strang3lov3 @xdaddysprincessxx @mountainsandmayhem @mrsmando @joelsgreys @janaispunk @the-mandawhor1an @rivnedell (honestly I’m tagging pretty randomly, sorry) 💙

Please don’t repost, copy, translate, or feed into any AI, thank you 🙏🏻

#Joel Miller #joel miller one shot #dbf!joel #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x female reader #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal #angst #almostfoxgloveangstchallenge #Mina’s writing #my writing

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annieqattheperipheral · 5 months ago

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sid wizened old man on the mountain with decrees of his successor? sure not like I'm not already overly emotional about davo this week😭

yohe's dramatic ao3 style is always appreciated

*taps kudos

full article:

Sidney Crosby is famous for many things, one of which is his availability and patience with the sometimes-obnoxious media.

For years and years, I’d see Crosby patiently sit at his locker and absorb questions. One flavor of these questions was more predictable and consistent than the rest. Whenever the Penguins faced a player who had been drafted No. 1, just as Crosby had been in 2005, Crosby would be asked about comparisons to and opinions of the latest hotshot to enter the league.

Patrick Kane. Steven Stamkos. John Tavares. Taylor Hall. Ryan Nugent-Hopkins. Nail Yakupov (remember him?).

Crosby was unanimously the best player in the world at the time but would still be gracious and glowing about the draft picks. He wouldn’t bristle — that wouldn’t be his way. But there was a slight sense that Crosby didn’t really like the questions. He’s one of the least egotistical superstars in the history of the sport, but to be that great, you still need an ego. He knew he was better than those players, even though he respected them greatly. He knew he wore the crown.

In the fall of 2012, Crosby knew full well who his successor would be.

That year, the NHL was embroiled in one of its periodic work stoppages, this one a lockout.

Players were allowed at practice facilities, but team officials were not. Crosby took on the role of media relations director. A day in advance, he’d tell the media what time Penguins players — usually around a dozen — would be working out. One time, in a particularly endearing moment, players canceled the next day’s workout. So, Crosby called me and asked me to tell the rest of the media not to show up. It was a very strange time for hockey and especially for Crosby, who had just lost 100 games in his prime due to a concussion. Now, he was missing more time in his prime because of a lockout.

Also because of the lockout, Crosby had plenty of time for introspection along with his hockey player and media relations duties. He had time to pay close attention to the rest of the hockey world, too, a privilege he typically isn’t afforded in October.

Two hours north of Pittsburgh, a 15-year-old sensation had arrived in Erie, Pa. — Connor McDavid was taking the Ontario Hockey League by storm. I had decided to travel to Erie with Penguins broadcaster Paul Steigerwald on Saturday, the night of McDavid’s second home game, when the Erie Otters were taking on the London Knights.

On the game’s first shift, McDavid split defensemen Olli Määttä and Scott Harrington and then scored to finish off a highlight reel goal.

Dan Bylsma, then coaching the Penguins, was there. Following the game, he chewed out Määttä and Harrington, a couple of Penguins draft picks, for allowing that goal on the game’s first shift. After seeing the interaction, I joked to Bylsma, something along the lines of, “I don’t know, that McDavid kid is kinda good.”

Bylsma looked at me and said: “He’s 15. They shouldn’t be getting split like that.”

I relayed this story to Crosby, who asked if Bylsma really said that. Then he took my side.

“Doesn’t matter how old he is. He’s different,” Crosby said.

Oh?

Crosby always politely answers questions about players, but he doesn’t typically go out of his way like that.

Then it occurred to me that Erie Otters games aren’t televised in Pittsburgh. I had assumed that Crosby had never seen McDavid play.

“Got some time on my hands these days,” Crosby said with a smile. “I’ve seen him. I’ve seen highlights of him.”

The greatest player in the world is checking out YouTube highlights of a 15-year-old hockey player?

“Yep,” Crosby said.

Then he said something I’ll never forget. Sensing that he saw something in McDavid that was different, I asked him if McDavid reminded him of anyone. In a non-arrogant way, Crosby quietly said, “He reminds me of me.”

Make no mistake, he admired all of the players who were compared to him. He once told me that, if he could shoot the puck like Alex Ovechkin, he wouldn’t pass as much as he does. I once saw him shake his head when he watched Patrick Kane stickhandle around an opponent on TV.

But he never anointed other players, even if he would marvel.

With McDavid, stylistically, Crosby saw himself. And he saw talent that was out of this world.

Crosby didn’t feel threatened. He understood that someone else always comes along.

I imagine Wayne Gretzky felt the same when he traveled to Laval, Quebec, to see Mario Lemieux play a junior game in 1984. Lemieux, knowing Gretzky was in the building, scored four goals in the first period. At that very moment, months before even winning the Stanley Cup for the first time, Gretzky knew the identity of his successor.

During the 2012 lockout, McDavid couldn’t have known that Crosby was watching him from afar, but he was. There is an understanding, I think, between the all-time greats. They recognize traits that only they can recognize because only they can understand the genius required to be historically good.

We are seeing McDavid take the Stanley Cup playoffs by storm, becoming the first player in history to post consecutive four-point games in the Stanley Cup Final. It’s remarkable. It’s great for the game. A superstar is the center of attention in his very prime, which the NHL badly needs.

So much of Crosby’s prime was robbed by the concussion and the lockout. But his hockey sense and vision were spot on, even when he wasn’t on the ice that autumn.

He always knew McDavid was the successor, that he played the same way, that perhaps his physical gifts even exceeded his own.

He was right. McDavid is in a class with Gretzky, Lemieux, Crosby and Bobby Orr. And now, we wait to see if McDavid can pull off this seismic comeback and win a championship.

Crosby surely will be watching. He always has been.

#sidney crosby #connor mcdavid #nhl playoffs 2024 #edmonton oilers #erie otters #wayne gretzky #mario lemieux #alex ovechkin #oilers lb

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infinitywrites · 1 year ago

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I Didn't Expect You Part 2 ~ Conrad Fisher

(Part 1) (Masterlist) (Part 3)

gif credit @madscline

synopsis: Y/N never expected it to be the summer that everything changed. Conrad, Belly and Steven were all dealing with the consequences of recent break ups whiles Jeremiah's wasn't acting like himself. Susannah was undergoing treatment that provided unpredictable health results and kept her loved ones on the edge of tragedy. Had they drained the well of the magic of Cousin's beach? Or could something new fulfil it again?

warnings: multichapter slow burn, warnings will update with every chapter, timeline is both POST S2 and a retelling of S2 with changes, everyone swears, Laurel/Cleveland, Susannah is sick, otherwise lots of fluff in this one

word count: 4,434

___________________________________________

I just wanna know you better,

know you better, know you better now

All I know since yesterday is

Everything has changed

After I snuck in a power nap after unpacking with Belly, I headed down to the kitchen to check on the plan for dinner. I'd always looked forward to visiting Cousin's to taste Susannah's Pinterest recipe of the month. I shouldn't have been surprised to see Jeremiah at the stove stirring something aromatic, warming the kitchen up. "Well, look who's taken up the mantle of vacation cook." I teased and patted his back lightly after a quick peek over his shoulder at the sauce simmering.

"Not just vacation cook, either. Just wait, I've gotten a lot better in a year." Jere smiled through his intense focus and turned his head towards Laurel sitting at the island. "I'm ready for the carrots now, Laur."

As she dumped the shredded carrots into the sauce, she assured me when I sent a raised brow her way, "Don't worry, I'm just helping with prep. Cleveland is actually looking forward to impressing you all with his culinary skills so Jeremiah can actually enjoy his summer."

Jeremiah never took his eyes off the pot, "I told you, I'm into this now. Maybe I'm destined to be a famous chef!"

"You just had to add 'famous' in there, didn't you." Conrad turned the corner into the kitchen and flicked his brother in the ear. Jeremiah smacked his hand away as they both snorted a laugh.

"What can I say? I dream big!"

My hands found my hips without even noticing, "I'm really proud of you, Jere. It smells incredible. No thanks to Conrad." I shot my glare directly at him when his name left my lips.

He'd lifted two grocery bags onto the counter by the sink and was starting to unload vegetables when he scoffed. "Hey! I went all the way to the farmer's market to get stuff for the salad, if you must know. Actually make yourself useful and chop these." He tossed me a cucumber and a pepper before I could tell him that's the exact reason I came down in the first place. I got distracted by my own thoughts when he threw a big tomato that should have splattered all over the floor if not for sheer dumb luck. Conrad paused and mimicked throwing a radish bunch before I stared him down mouthing 'don't you dare'. When he finished washing the lettuce, he slid next to me at the island and pulled out the salad spinner.

Luckily there weren't any more shenanigans as we all worked together to finish the pasta, salad and fresh garlic baguette that Jeremiah swore was an elevated form of garlic bread he'd learned about from Top Chef. Conrad pointed out that he was surprised he picked anything useful up while watching Padma Lakshmi. Eventually Belly and Steven joined as a clean up crew, while Laurel set the table just like Susannah used to have it done up. Cleveland complimented Jeremiah's hard work and thanked Conrad for the quick surfing lesson before he'd tested his limits that afternoon. When everything was ready, Laurel went to get Susannah and the room was in a standstill. The anticipation was suffocating. It wasn't until Belly reached out and grabbed my hand that I realized I was holding my breath.

Susannah walked slowly, supported gently by her elbows by Laurel, with her signature bright grin for everyone in the room. She looked both better and worse than I'd seen her last. It was incredible what a sunny disposition could do and Susannah was the best at it seconded only by Jeremiah, with her sparkling blue eyes. The build up released into an awkward tension for exactly three seconds before Susannah sighed, "I can't believe you guys let me sleep all the way until dinner. Who's sneaky idea was that?" Her eyes scanned the room while Laurel chuckled by her side.

"That was all big brother over here, Mom. We wanted to surprise you!" Jeremiah smacked his brother in the chest as Conrad hung his head waiting for his mother's reaction.

"We had everything under control, Mom." He said and I glanced his way, taking in the new information until Conrad caught my eye and I looked back at Susannah in a flash. I kinda felt bad for giving him shit after hearing that.

"Of course you did, sweet boy, but I'm feeling good and next time I want a chance to order everyone around the kitchen." Laurel sat Susannah down at the head of the table while Jeremiah got to work fixing her a plate.

Cleveland, Conrad and Steven grabbed the various serving dishes and took their seats while I heard Steven yell back, "You got it, Susannah. I'm not going the whole summer without your jambalaya."

Dinner went smoothly after that. Susannah's spirit was as full as her energy when she focused on catching up with everyone around the table. Everyone complimented Jeremiah's culinary progress and Cleveland joined him in plans to treat everyone to a weekend feast before we all parted ways. Steven even talked a little bit about his breakup with Shayla and I reached over to give his hand a quick squeeze when his mouth turned down at the corners. Laurel got quiet before she admitted she couldn't believe how grown up Steven had gotten all of a sudden. The mood lightened a bit when he rolled his eyes and teased her for making his breakup about her empty nest syndrome.

Steven had been my best friend as long as I'd been staying at Cousin's over the past eight summers or so. Mom said it gave me a necessary break from the monotony of her condition and when Auntie Laur split from Uncle John, she said they needed me more than she did. Steven's breakup with Shayla happened before Prom at least and he seemed more angry than hurt after he talked to her the last time. Long distance was hard and she wasn't planning on coming back before Steven was headed to Princeton anyway. It was what was best for both of them and he knew it too. I tried to lift his mood after he got his Princeton acceptance a few weeks later by reminding him that he would have hated being tied down freshman year. Now he could charm his way around campus all he wanted without feeling a lick of guilt. This got the first smile out of him I'd seen since his Prom photos. He'd made the most of that night at least.

Jeremiah seemed to have the same idea and said, "This is exactly what you want though, Steve-O. No strings. No commitments. Focus on school…and Jersey girls." He really wasn't as slick as he thought when he put a hand up to direct the last part away from the parents. Conrad and Steven still shrugged and chuckled amongst themselves like he'd had a point.

"All right. New topic. I know you're dying to ask Y/N about Stanford and this is your moment." Laurel waved her hand to both shut Jeremiah up and encourage Susannah at the same time.

She put her hands down on the table for emphasis as her gaze narrowed in on me, "I can't believe you're going to Stanford in the fall. It's so exciting!"

"I'm glad you approve." I couldn't help but let the smile stretch my face at her joy.

"Approval, are you kidding? My little California twin." Susannah winked in my direction and I could have sworn I saw Conrad watching the scene play out.

"You can take the girl out of Cali but you can't take the Cali out of the girl." Laurel sing-songed as she finished her glass of wine.

"Why you gotta be so lame about it, Laur?" Susannah's shoulders dropped and she sent an exasperated look to her lifelong friend.

When Susannah got like this it always made us laugh and this time it was no different. Sometimes the only adult in the room was Laurel so at least she had Cleveland around, who was just listening attentively and taking in the group dynamics.

Laurel looked shocked for a second and cut back, "You're the one who–All right," and huffed in defeat before she turned back to me. "I'm excited for you too, Y/N. Beck's right, a change of scenery and a fresh start is an incredible opportunity at your age wherever you go."

Jeremiah was looking at Conrad when he said, "Summer everyday sounds pretty good to me," and punched his brother's arm which made me furrow my brow in confusion.

Susannah glanced their way with a mischievous look, "You know, I always told Conrad he'd find himself in the West coast."

Conrad looked at them both,"Subtle, mom."

"Well, if you aren't going to tell them–"

My jaw must have been on the floor as I gaped at him. "Wait, you're–"

"I'm waiting on late admission offers. Mom convinced me to apply over Christmas break." He shrugged it off like it wasn't a big deal but everyone knew the meltdown I'd had at the end of last summer trying to perfect my Stanford application.

Belly added with a teasing tone, "He made me proofread his essay like five times."

"Yeah, me too," Cleveland pointed at him and shook his head.

"OhmiGod, did everyone know but me? The person already going?" Steven looked scared as he swore he didn't so I looked around the table in disbelief and finally landed on Belly, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Don't look at me! I told him to tell you." Belly raised her palms in surrender.

My eyes went back to Conrad who's smile just grew, "It's a big campus. We don't have to see each other." He shrugged again and dove into his second helping of pasta.

My face dropped as I rolled my eyes and swore to ignore him for the rest of the night. Susannah sighed and caught my eye, "Don't listen to him, Y/N. He's terrified of moving so far away from his mommy–"

"Hey!" Conrad tried to interrupt but he was laughing almost immediately when he heard Steven and Jeremiah break.

Susannah continued despite his protest and the howling in the background, "so I'm putting you in charge of him. I wanna see you both back at Christmas with the best tans of your life."

Jeremiah was dying and hitting his brother in the chest, "Okay, but is she wrong though?"

"Fuck you, bro. You still live with her!"

Jeremiah sobered long enough to utter, "And I cherish every second." He blew his mother a kiss like the charmer he always was and Susannah smiled stretched a little further.

When the boys finally settled down, it was time for dessert that Conrad had picked up from the market and snuck into the fridge without my knowledge at least. Strawberry shortcake; one of Susannah's favourites and we all assured her that while it was decadent, it still wasn't as good as her recipe. After the cake was polished off, I ran upstairs to slip into my swimsuit and coverup dress in case I felt like a dip in the pool once the food settled. A few of us tried to offer our help to Cleveland but he insisted that he had a clean up ritual he really enjoyed as long as we gave him the space to do so. He said it was a thank you to everyone for the meal and the invitation.

Conrad came up behind him and patted him on the chest, "I was just an errand boy and didn't know you were coming so have at it, boss!" And exited quickly out the backdoor, already pulling a joint out of his pocket.

Steven's eyes followed him even as Jeremiah was trying to make plans to head down to the beach for the bonfire. "Uh, yeah man. I'm down. Gimme a second to change and I'll meet you out front." Steven nodded in his direction as Jeremiah agreed and headed for the door.

"Yeah, thanks for the invite and everything but I no longer have the energy or the patience for bonfire party bullshit." I teased in Steven's direction, who was still staring out the backdoor.

When he finally looked my way again, he looked sheepish, "Yeah, yeah. I was gonna invite you but I figured as much. It was never really your scene."

"You know me well. Have fun though, seriously." I was about to walk away when Steven asked me to wait.

"Hey, do you think you could talk to Conrad?"

There's nothing he could have said that would have shocked me less. "Excuse me?"

"Yeah, I know. It's weird but…he's been off since we got here and Jere said longer. I don't know if it's Belly or just Susannah stuff but…"

"Did you hear him at dinner? What makes you think he wants to talk to me?"

Steven gives me a look like it's the stupidest thing I could have asked him so I concede. "Okay, whatever. Other than my family shit."

"You've always been the person who makes me feel better when…-like with Shayla. I think, no, I know he needs some of that right now." Steven always had the most effective puppy dog eyes. I was too weak to resist.

"I guess…I can try." I moved my gaze to a dark figure sat by the pool and started mentally preparing myself.

He started to back away but wouldn't take his eyes off me until he saw me heading outside. "Yes! You're amazing. I owe you, for sure."

I spat over my shoulder, "You think?"

"Okay, now. Before Jere leaves without me."

"Jeez, I'm going." Steven watched as I opened the sliding door and mouthed his thank you before jogging back upstairs to get ready for the bonfire.

The sun was almost down and the pool lights lit up the yard as the smoke wafted from the shadowed figure sitting on the edge. I rolled my eyes at my own apprehension and took a seat beside him before I lost my nerve entirely. The water was just cool enough to make the summer heat bearable for more than a few minutes.

"What's up?" He didn't look my way, occupied with his ritual.

I decided to start casually and try to work up to the kind of talk Steven was expecting. I still wasn't convinced that Conrad would be open to talking at all let alone to me. "Steven and Jere are headed to the bonfire soon. I wasn't sure if they told you."

He nodded. "You're not going?"

"No, the day was long enough. I came out here to stop myself from falling asleep on the couch." I kicked my feet in the water and debated splashing him.

"So much for Belly's power naps." He chuckled and finally glanced in my direction.

"Whatever, they work for her but I'm the one who drove us here." I shrugged.

There was a beat of silence before I pressed again. "What about you? Why aren't you going?"

"Same as you. Tired."

I tried not to let myself get too frustrated by his lack of response. It was weird behaviour from him though, "Hm."

That caught his attention again, "What?"

"Nothing. It's just, we know the bonfire was never my scene but you always went."

"And now I've accepted that it's not my scene either." There was an edge to his voice that told me to drop it.

"Fair enough… I was uh, I was gonna swim." I probably should have jumped in and splashed the shit out of him but there was an uneasiness that got to me.

"Okay. Don't mind me."

I stripped down to my one piece and kicked my dress and sandals a few feet away before driving in. The water really was the perfect temperature to be refreshing after the heat and stress of a long day. It felt good to stretch my limbs and work the muscles that no doubt were starting to cramp from driving for hours and falling asleep in an awkward position. Everytime I looked up, Conrad's eyes were on me and I struggled between meeting them for a few seconds before I realized he wouldn't be the first to look away. Belly had told me once that Conrad was confident in a way she'd never seen before. Shameless even, when he looked at her sometimes and she worried she'd never feel butterflies like that again. That same look intimidated other guys and coined him 'the mysterious type' around the Cousin's beach crowd. Belly said as she grew up, she'd hold his gaze longer and longer to test her theory and never saw him break concentration before her heart felt like it would beat right out of her chest. I had no intention of testing said theory and redirected my breaststroke in the opposite direction.

His joint getting smaller was the only real indicator that time was passing at all. The smell was annoying, of course, but it seemed to be wafting above me so I could admire the look of it dissipating into nothing instead. It was probably half an hour later, Conrad still perched on the pool's edge, when I climbed up the ladder, towelled off and sat back down beside him.

I looked at him, blowing smoke out over the pool water again, "Okay seriously, why didn't you tell me?"

He wouldn't look at me now, like he was sick of the sight but he still knew what I meant. "Do you own the school now?"

It didn't take much to deadpan my response. "You're funny."

He tried again. "So what? We tell each other things now?"

"When they directly impact each other's lives? Sure we do." I decided to let him get out whatever snark he needed before I got a real answer. This wouldn't turn into another stupid fight; we were too old for that shit now.

He narrowed his eyes in my direction. "You know I don't owe you anything just because we could be at the same school and living in the same state, right?"

And all of a sudden the plan went out the window and Steven would just have to accept that I tried and failed. "Okay, Conrad…" I got up to leave and went to bring my things inside.

"No, wait! I'm sorry. I–I dunno why I'm being such a dick."

I paused with an armful and hadn't decided yet if I wanted to listen to him. "Probably because you're so good at it."

"Okay, I'm sorry. Honestly. Belly was right, I should have told you when I applied. I just…I thought it might piss you off."

That made me turn to look his way, his head hung between his shoulders and his face lit up light blue and sullen as ever. "Since when do you care if you piss me off?"

"Now! Now, I do. With this. I didn't want you to think I was encroaching on your thing or following you or something. My mom's been talking to me about going to Cali since the beginning of high school but I never really thought–not with everything that happened."

The mask seemed to be gone now and that was the only reason I sighed and sat back down. Maybe Steven was right; maybe Conrad wanted to talk in his Conrad way. "I didn't think you were following me. Or encroaching. I just didn't expect you to wanna leave right now so I was even more surprised to hear it at all."

"I don't but…" It was like he was losing his words or thoughts halfway into getting them out. Maybe it was the weed going to his head. "I shouldn't have taken it out on you. Of course we would see each other at school. You know, if you want to. It's nice to know we wouldn't have to figure everything out alone there, right? It's exciting." He sounded sincere until he mocked the excitement.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah…and Jere's right too. I'm worried about being so far away from Mom."

"She seems really excited for you. You're giving her what she wants, you know."

"I know, I'm just used to being an hour away at Brown and that was bad enough. Let alone six and that's just the flight." He got worked up by the thought alone and my heart clenched in my chest for him. I knew that feeling. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

Conrad took a moment to collect his thoughts before he let out a deep breath. "You've come here every summer for years and you're away from your mom for so long. How do you…?"

I audibly sighed and started chuckling at myself before I could stop it, "Is it a cop out if I say practice? No, that's partly true. It gets easier and it helps that I know my dad is dedicated to taking care of her. And when I'm there there's nothing I can really do to help. I think that's the worst part actually. Sorry, I–"

"No, I asked."

I looked at him then and it was one of the few times I knew he was really listening to me. "A few years ago, I think I was 13, I begged my mom to let me stay home that summer. It was really bad for a little bit before and I just thought, what if I miss it? What if I'm not there? She said I was grasping for control I never really had. I was trying to pause my life for something inevitable. And not only was that not fair to myself but it wasn't fair to her either."

His eyes fell as he nodded and then flashed a small smile, "The moms must be conspiring behind our backs because that sounds suspiciously like what Mama Beck Fisher said about Stanford. Do the thing that scares you. That's how you really live."

I laughed a little at the sentiment. "Sounds like you got a cooler version at least."

"It's not like I didn't know about your mom but…I don't think I ever realized–"

"It's okay, Conrad." I shook my head, wanting to avoid that line of thought.

"You just seem so together all the time." I could feel his direct gaze when he said it even when I wanted to laugh in his face.

"I'm not, I just…when it comes to Susannah I feel like I've done this before. Been here. The worst fucking kind of familiarity. I don't even know what that has to do with anything, I just think I don't feel it yet. Not really. God, does that make me horrible?"

Conrad immediately shook his head in reassurance as I took a steading breath. "No. I don't think so, anyway. I think it'll catch up to you but…would you promise you'll tell me if– if you wanna to talk about it ever? You know if Steve-O or Belly aren't around. I dunno, maybe it'd help me to be there for someone else, you know?"

I turned my head to gape at him for the second time that night but he wasn't looking back at me this time. He was inhaling the smoke and blowing it over the pool again like he'd been doing for over an hour now. "Yeah sure."

He nodded once and put it out on the concrete and then away in his pocket before he lifted himself up.

I had to ask before he walked away, "Hey, Con?" I didn't continue until he turned a bit to acknowledge me. "Stanford is what you want too, right? It's not just for Susannah?"

A smile grew across his face, "You think I would've put myself through that brutal application process if I didn't?"

I coughed a laugh at his quick mood change, "That's right. I forgot about those ten proofreads."

He shook his head in amusement, "Exaggeration. Besides, I might as well follow my built-in babysitter."

"Fucking hell…" I winced as my head hung between my shoulders this time.

"Can't take it back now! Mama's boy like me, I'll never make it on my own!"

"I never agreed to that!" I said louder than I meant to in my frustration. It had been dark for a while even though I had no idea what time it was. "Would you keep it down?!?"

Conrad opened the sliding door and scolded, "Shh Y/N, the neighbours!"

I was left with the usual exasperation that was signature oldest Fisher and everything felt right in the world again. Well kinda. It should satisfy Steven anyway and I could mark it off as my good deed of the week. I looked out over the view and thought about the strange connection you had with the Fishers now. My mom had had MS for as long as I could remember and the constant state of grief in my house growing up was as normal as anything else in my life. Everyday was clouded with some difficulty, old or new, and the only real reprieve was summer with my cousins at Susannah's beach house. I could be a different person there who no one really knew outside my family, Fishers included. I'd even heard the whispers of my quiet, closed off nature and it always put a smirk on my face. It was like a fresh start at the end of every school year even if I didn't change at all. I could pretend for a few months that I was a normal girl who's biggest problem was my baby cousin's unrequited crush on an unattainable older jock, my sad lack of crush to obsess over instead and my best friend's tendency to get himself into trouble without ever trying.

A yawn pulled me from my thoughts and I gathered my things and climbed the stairs towards the quiet upstairs. I heard the shower running but didn't think anything of it as I passed the bathroom until the door swung open and the yellow light hit my peripheral vision. I looked right at Conrad walking across the hall to his room. He was noticeably wet-skinned and sauntering in a pair of boxers. The moment lasted a second before my eyes caught his trailing down and then back up to my eyes as he ruffled his wet hair with a towel. And then the door was shut and I turned away and shook my head to rattle my brain awake enough to make it to my bed in one piece. There was no counting for the ways in which the first night at Cousin's beach could mess with my head.

___________________________________________

author's note: I'm blown away by the response and hope this next chapter lived up to expectations! Thank you so much for the support 🩵💙💚💛. I meant to get into the 4th of July party in this part but it got away from me so that's up next! Do the changes make sense? Y/N's backstory? More explanation is coming but please let me know if anything is too confusing to follow. Reply with comments and let me know if you wanna be added to my taglist. If you'd like to ask me about any upcoming chapter warnings you wanna be warned of ahead of time (angst? 18+ smut?) then come visit my blog with any questions and I'll be happy to answer!

taglist: @c4rpediem-s @jackierose902109 @lcvecstiel @h0t-as-h3ll @fandom-addict404

#conrad fisher #conrad fisher x reader #conrad fisher x y/n #conrad fisher x you #tsitp conrad #the summer i turned pretty #team conrad #conrad fisher fanfic #conrad fisher au #conrad fisher x fem!reader #conrad fish imagine #tsitp imagine #the summer i turned pretty fanfic #the summer i turned pretty imagine #the summer i turned pretty au #Spotify

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tapesfrom1980 · 1 year ago

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first glance , jeremiah fisher

“i’m so excited to see you guys. i’m so happy you’re finally visiting cousins now y/n!” belly smiled at taylor and y/n who were on her phone screen, smiling right back.

“me too, i’m happy to finally be able to see the famous beck family.” y/n joked.

“they’re happy to meet you too. stevens stoked you guys are coming.”

“steven? really?” taylor laughed, raising her eyebrow.

“okay well maybe he didn’t see say it, but i can tell!”

“okay whatever, i think we’re almost there. we’ll see you in literally a minute!! love youuu” taylor and y/n blew kisses at the camera before hanging up.

“you excited babe?” taylor turned to y/n with a big grin.

“yeah, belly always makes this place sound magical. cant wait to finally see it.”

“oh drop the act, i know you have the hots for jeremy.” taylor laughed. y/n widened her eyes and let out a gasp in form of a laugh.

“i do not. i’ve never even met him!”

“but you think he’s hot. i can tell. and i will help you bag him.” y/n rolled her eyes but smiled at taylor.

“come on, we’re here.”

y/n and taylor made their way out the bus and looked around for belly.

“guys!!” belly shouted, running towards the girls.

“belly!” y/n and taylor hugged the brown haired girl that leaped into them.

“god i’m so glad you guys are here! i missed you.” the girls pulled away with big smiles.

“i know, we missed you too.” y/n grinned.

“taylor, you remember jeremiah. y/n this is jeremiah.” jeremiah stepped forward a little to greet the girls.

“hey.” he looked into y/n’s eyes with a shy smile.

“hey.” y/n looked down smiling. taylor and belly shared a knowing look.

“okay come on, let’s go get ice cream!”

“hey y/n can you and jeremiah go order for us? i need to catch up belly on what she’s been missing so far.” taylor smiled knowingly. y/n knew what she was doing and as much as she wanted to tell her to shut up she also felt excitement to be alone with jeremiah. for a couple of minutes at least.

“um, yeah of course.” y/n smiled falsely. she turned to jeremiah who just nodded with his hands in his pockets.

“so…have you ever been here before?” jeremiah asked after a minute of silence.

“no actually, it’s my first time. it looks really nice so far.”

“you’re gonna love it, trust me.” jeremiah flashed her a smile that made butterflies flutter in y/n’s stomach.

“i think so too.”

“hi can i get um, a banana split and,” she turned to the blonde boy, “do you want anything? my treat.”

“oh no no, i’m paying. get whatever you want.” jeremiah pulled out 20 bucks from his wallet.

“no it’s fine seriously, i’ll pay.” y/n insisted, knowing she wanted him to pay. it was her first time meeting him and she wanted to be polite but she knew there’d be a lot she wanted to get during her stay.

jeremiah jokingly bumped her out the way and handed the cashier 20 bucks.

“so…what do you want?” he turned back to y/n.

“cotton candy please.” y/n gave in.

the cashier handed y/n her ice cream cone and jeremiah the banana split and the spare change.

“thank you jeremiah, you’re really sweet.”

“happy to, always.” jeremiah winked flirtatiously, making the girl laugh.

“okay shut up.” she looked away with a smile hoping he wouldn’t see.

y/n had no idea what to expect of cousins but suddenly she was very excited for her stay. she knew it would definitely not be the last time she came.

#tapesfrom1980 #the summer i turned pretty #jeremiah fisher #jeremiah fisher x reader #jeremiah fisher x y/n

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mesillusionssousecstasy · 1 year ago

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The Summer I Turned Pretty Season 2 - Episode 1 to 3: Quotes

“- Escaping to your dreams is easier than living with your memories. It’s the being awake that’s the hard part.” (Belly - Episode 1)

“- You had Jeremiah, and it just wasn’t enough. You had to have Conrad, too. God, you are so fucking selfish.” (Steven - Episode 1)

“- No, no, no, no. Nothing is promised. You can’t promise anything. Sorry.” (Belly - Episode 1)

“- I’m sorry. I just, I know you’re trying your best. I don’t, I don’t expect anyone to understand what I’m going through right now, and I think I just have to deal with it alone.” (Belly - Episode 1)

“- Sorry, Mom. You know, Susannah died, remember? (Belly) - You don’t get to use Susannah’s death as an excuse. This whole year’s been hard for me, too. This isn’t about blame. This is about you and the choices you made. It’s about taking responsibility for yourself, even when things are hard. Life keeps going. You can’t just give up. (Laurel) - You want to talk about taking responsibility? You won’t even promote your book because you refuse to talk about Susannah. You gave up way before I did.” (Belly - Episode 1)

“- I knew I’d lose Susannah eventually. I just didn’t know I’d end up losing all of them. In my memory, the three of them will always be entwined, forever linked. There can’t be one without the others.” (Belly - Episode 1)

“- Jeremiah wants me to come because he’s afraid. I still know this boy better than I know almost anyone. So I’ll go for him.” (Belly - Episode 2)

“- Do you think we’ll be in when they find fout out we’re gone? (Conrad) - Oh, I’m not getting into any trouble. I’m telling everyone you kidnapped me.” (Belly - Episode 2)

“- What the hell happened with you guys? (Jeremiah) - He never said anything? (Belly) - We don’t talk about you.” (Jeremiah - Episode 2)

“- Okay, not to be, like, a dick or anything, but you seem less devastated than I expected. I mean, considering you were practically swallowing his tongue last night. (Steven) - Leave it to you to make kissing sound disgusting. (Taylor) - Anyways, you could do better.” (Steven - Episode 2)

“- Belly, you were my best friend. We hooked up, and then you hooked up with my brother. And then everyone expected me to act like I was fine, and I wasn’t! (Jeremiah) - Okay, well the last thing that we wanted, that... I wanted, was to hurt you. And that’s why Conrad and I didn’t get together at the end of the summer. (Belly) - Yeah, Belly, for what? All of five minutes? That was just so you guys wouldn’t look bad. (Jeremiah) - I mean, you were seeing other people. We thought you were over it. (Belly) - Because otherwise, I was that pathetic loser that was keeping you guys apart. Sorry for what? For Conrad dumping you? Did you really not see that coming, Belly? Because I sure did. (Jeremiah) - I’m sorry because I miss you. I’ve missed you for months. That’s why I called you last night. (Belly) - Yeah, because Conrad wasn’t picking up. (Jeremiah) - Jere, you are the one I called, not him. Look, when Susannah was sick, I was so focused on Conrad and one being there for him, and I should have been there for you, too, okay? And I forgot about you. And I hate myself for that. I... Jere... I hate that I let you down. (Belly) - It happened so fast. Belly, it was really, really bad. I had Dad and Conrad sort of, but I needed you, and you just weren’t there. You left me. (Jeremiah) - I’m here now. I’m not going anywhere.” (Belly - Episode 2)

“- But it’s not good enough for an event in New York with a bunch of other famous writers. (Saleswoman) - I’m about as unfamous as a writer can be. (Laurel) - You can’t be unfamous if I’ve heard of you.” (Saleswoman - Episode 2)

“- Wait, wait, wait. But they’re not even talking. Why-why would Jere call her and not me? (Steven) - I don’t know. Maybe ‘cause you’re such a pain in the ass all the time. (Taylor) - Okay, I’ll let her try and clean up her mess.” (Steven - Episode 2)

“- I don’t want anybody else touching you like I do.” (Song - Episode 2)

“- Yeah. You always could read my mind. (Belly) - I’m glad it’s back anyway, our ESP. (Jeremiah) - Oh. I know that you’re not eating any pie because... mm, you’re worried about ruining your abs. (Belly) - I mean, they are a service to mankind. (Jeremiah). - Nicole! (Belly) - Gigi’s dad got caught in some insider trading thing and they had to sell their house. And Shayla’s in Europe with her parents all summer. And so the gang’s broken up. But I guess that was bound to happen at some point. You still have my number? (Nicole) - We both know I won’t call. I doesn’t feel the same as last summer.” (Belly - Episode 2)

“- Why does he still have this pull on me? I don’t want to see him. And I can’t wait for it all at the same time.” (Belly - Episode 2)

“- Ooh. That feels good. (Conrad) - Yeah, that’s ‘cause you’re cold-hearted. (Belly) - For everyone else, maybe. Not for you. (Conrad) - I want it to be with you.” (Belly - Episode 2)

“- We went to Brown to check on you ass. You know what? I didn’t think you’d pull this shit again. But you don’t give a shit about anyone but yourself.” (Jeremiah - Episode 2)

“- There is nothing more beautiful than this. This particular sunset. It can match the beauty of anything in this world ten times over. No matter what’s happened, you can feel the tension of the day drifting away and out to sea. I want to memorize it all, because... you never know the last time you’ll see a place, a person.” (Belly - Episode 3)

“- You’d think someone would have invented an easier system by now. (Belly) - If I wasn’t so fucking tired, I’d probably leave tonight. My mom would always fix everything up before we got here. (Jeremiah) - Yeah. The house feels different without her in it.” (Belly - Episode 3)

“- The truth is, the hardest part about being here isn’t Conrad. Back home, I can almost believe Susannah isn’t really gone. But here at the beach house, she’s everywhere and nowhere.” (Belly - Episode 3)

“- You know, he keeps saying he’s going to figure things out. He hasn’t figured out shit.” (Jeremiah - Episode 3)

“- Uh, Conrad may have listened to me at one point, but I don’t think he cares what I think anymore.” (Belly - Episode 3)

“- I know this is hard with everything going on. (Conrad) - Please don’t shut me out. (Belly) - I feel like I just keep disappointing you. Belly, don’t leave it like this. (Conrad) - You... you are the one that made it like this.” (Belly - Episode 3)

“- You know, Conrad just pushes people away when he needs them most. (Belly) - There’s only so many times I can take being pushed. It’s fucking exhausting.” (Jeremiah)

“- I mean, then, you know, why would you want to let go of such a-a magical place?” (Jeremiah)

“- What? Is Mr. I Don’t Believe in College having an existential crisis? God, does he even know what “existential” means? I bet you he thinks “SAT” stands for “stupid-ass test.” (Steven) - Can I tell you something? Not everyone measures people’s worth by what Ivy they go to.” (Taylor - Episode 3)

“- I know you worked really hard for it. It just... sometimes it feels like you think that you’re better and smarter than everyone. Uh, including me. Can you tell me what has you all in your feelings so that it can stop being weird? (Taylor) - Does Belly really think I don’t care about Susannah’s death? Am I an asshole? (Steven) - Probably, but that’s not why. Steven, everyone processes things differently, you know? I mean, my therapist says that happiness and grief can coexist. And that’s completely fine. (...) So we just drove all day to show up somewhere uninvited? (Taylor) - Look, I wanted to be there for them, all right? So I invited myself. I’m sorry. (Steven) - Also, gate crashing 101 says we can’t show up empty-handed, so keep an eye out for somewhere to stop. (Taylor) - Just don’t change my seat setting.” (Steven - Episode 3)

“- I should have known it was bad news. Bad news is the only kind that really can’t wait.” (Belly - Episode 3)

“- She was helping me. (Conrad) - So you’ll accept her help but not mine? Got it. Glad to know where I fall in the ranking of ex-girlfriends. (Belly) - Grow up. (Conrad) - Go to hell. (Belly) - I should have known you’d be like this. (Conrad) - What do you mean? (Belly) - Forget it. (Conrad) - No, say it. Tell me. (Belly) - I knew it was a bad idea, starting something with you. (Conrad) - I don’t believe you. (Belly) - It was a huge mistake. (Conrad) - I hate you. (Belly) - Good (Conrad) - I never want to see you again.” (Belly - Episode 3)

“- I’ll never let myself be affected by him like that again. I can’t. If I did, it would destroy me.” (Belly - Episode 3)

“- Guys, I had my lawyers look into any possible loopholes right after the funeral, but there’s none. Okay? The house is legally Julia’s. And believe it or not, I’m just as upset as you are about it.” (Jeremiah and Conrad’s dad - Episode 3) --> Btw this is not accurate and legally wrong!

“- You know, I just feel everyone’s slipping away, and-and the house is the last thing tying us together. (Jeremiah) - We’re not giving up. We’re gonna figure something else out. I feel like us all hanging around the open house tomorrow and being pains in the asses is a pretty good place to start. I’m sure Aunt Julia would love that. Let’s fuck some shit up.” (Conrad - Episode 3)

“- Maybe Julia was right. Susannah did believe Cousins was a fantasy world. But she made me believe, too. So maybe I can make sure it stays that way.” (Belly - Episode 3)

#the summer i turned pretty season 2 #the summer i turned pretty #tsitp s2 #tsitp #tsitp season 2 #tsitp thoughts #tsitp quotes #the summer I turned pretty quotes #belly conklin #belly x jeremiah

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ladyintree · 1 year ago

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Van is so intertwined with the worst thing that Tai ever went through --- and that's both a good and a bad thing. It's good, because it means Tai can always lean on her, a forever confidant that she can talk to when it gets too tough to deal with in her own head, despite that being so rare for Tai, who is so insistent on moving on. But Van is never going to look at her like she's trying to dissect her through her own conspiracies about what happened to her. Tai will forever be an accidentally famous name and face for everyone she meets to question for, likely, and she can't even imagine trying to fall in love again with someone who wasn't there with her. Van doesn't have questions to ask; she knows her for better and worse.

But that's the bad thing, too --- because it means no matter how badly Tai wants to move on with her life and pretend those 19 months didn't have a lasting effect on her, Van is a constant reminder that it did. And she loves Van, more than anything, but life dealt them a bad hand, forced them to fall in love in the middle of oblivion as Tai started to lose more and more of herself, held together by Van as well as she could, but Tai knows now all that pressure she incidentally put on Van was never fair. And wouldn't Van learn to resent her for that some day? She's beautiful, every single part of her, scars and all --- but they're also a constant reminder that Tai put her in danger. And maybe, she only ever will.

That might happen with anyone she meets, anyone she happened to fall for beyond Van, if there is a life after her. It's selfish, this idea of trying to keep making this work based solely off the idea of not knowing how to be with someone else --- especially when Tai still feels so much love for the person before her now. But ever since they were rescued, she's learning that selfishness is survival for her success. She's lost track of how many selfish thoughts have run through her head that would only inevitably hurt Van. It’s the last thing she wants, but she has to be realistic for hersel, too.

It's instinct, the way Tai quickly looks away when Jackie's name is mentioned. At some point, it had become a forbidden word to speak, and it felt better that way. But they're back in the real world now --- a world that mourns for Jackie Taylor, and she knows there's no other way to say it. ❝ Guess it was pretty fucked up, ❞ she mumbles. She hasn't thought about the people they left behind, either --- Only Allie Stevens, who crossed her mind too many times in the Wilderness. Some days it was a silent reassurance to herself that what she did to Allie wasn't a bad thing, because it saved her life. Some days it was resentment for herself, for knowing she had crossed a lime. Other days it was acceptance --- because violence became its own language out there, and there was a twisted comfort in knowing she wasn't stranger to it. ❝ If you weren't there with me--- ❞ She starts, and she immediately regrets it. She wasn't even her girlfriend before all of this, but it's hard to remember a time when the two of them were ever really casual, anyway. ❝ I don’t know. I probably would’ve lost my mind trying to figure out what happened, ❞ she speaks quietly, an attempt at sympathy for Jeff. There’s something else she wants to say — about him with his two girlfriends he was waiting on, but it feels wrong, considering. ❝ I’m glad she has someone, ❞ she settles on finally, her eyes drifting back to Van. ❝ I just hope he doesn’t fuck it up. ❞

She doesn’t notice the way her words affect Van. Mostly, because she's trying not to think about it. They became colder out there when they had to be, and that lingers now — even in the soft, sweet moments shared with the one she loves. She doesn’t know how to stop it. ❝ No. Fuck, no, ❞ she mumbles quickly. She tried to be Shauna’s voice of reason many times in the wilderness—- but she’s also learned that sometimes it’s best to wait for Shauna to come to her. ❝ I’ve been waiting for her to talk about him, like—- to give me some kind of opening, see what she really thinks, but—- ❞ Admittedly, she’s been looking for the same — some kind of bait thrown out to Shauna that gave her permission to ask if she thought she and Van were going to last. She wants to believe they can, that there’s a world where they can be in love and everything’s simple, but they’ve never known simple. If they did, would they just bore each other? ❝ Whatever. I’m glad we don’t have to worry about that. ❞ Spoken easily, with a small smile on her face—- trying to convince herself more than even Van that everything’s fine between them.

Van's body melts when she hears Taissa's laughter, a reaction that hasn't changed despite everything else they've dealt with. It isn't something she hears often, for reasons that she understands very well, but that only makes it more precious to Van. It makes her feel like she still has this place with Tai, and sacred, secret moments that are entirely for them. Even if it doesn't last all that long, she treasures and hoards them for when the darkness feels too suffocating. Tai voices exactly what Van feels about the relationship. Ultimately, she doesn't give much of a shit about Jeff Sadecki but she does care about Shauna. This feels like a fucked up version of one of those soap operas her mom used to watch when she was between jobs, but it kinda feels shitty to say that to Shauna so she doesn't.

But Van also knows that Tai isn't just talking about Jeff and Shauna, and her chest tightens a little more. The door has been cracked open and the spotlight of their rescue and the real world threatens to illuminate all the ugly, nasty bits of who they are. It terrifies her, but Van thinks she can survive it if she has Tai by her side, someone who has survived the unspeakable with her. Except Tai isn't really by her side, and Van is floundering for it.

She tries to imagine someone else in Tai's spot, another face looking back at her, another hand holding hers. Someone who can look at the scars on her face with the appropriate mix of regret and adoration, so that it doesn't feel like a slap but instead, a gentle balm. Someone who knew how to hold her after a nightmare jarred her awake. Of course, Van knows that these are all things that come with time, that it's unfair to pit some nameless hypothetical person against Tai, but she can't help it. It's more terrifying to imagine a world without Tai entirely, than it is to deal with this tentative, half-version of her. "I don't think anyone else could get it but... he's not new, not really," Van says slowly, mulling over her words before actually saying them. "He might be the only one who gets it, about... Jackie, you know?" She hasn't actually thought about that before, never having a reason to think about Jeff's feelings about the plane crash but for as much of a tool as he could be, it had to be shitty to be the one left waiting.

The uncomfortable silence is back, and Van wonders if that's all she is. The safe option. In another life, she would have liked being considered 'safe' but there's something about the way Tai spits out the word that makes it sound bad, like she should be more. Like Shauna is settling for Jeff. Like Tai is settling for Van? The thought comes to her faster than she can stop it, and her fingers curl over the edge of the blanket into a fist, without her even thinking about it. She wonders if Tai looks at her and sees all of her mistakes reflected on Van's face, a stone that keeps her moored to the past she's desperately trying to escape. "I dunno, Tai. Have you talked to Shauna about any of this?" She sidesteps, just as she always does, backing down because she can't bear to be the one to rip off the band-aid. "The way it's going, it seems pretty serious." Better to deflect and avoid than to face it head on.

#silencedrage #silencedrage: van.#arc: post rescue.#they are stressing me OUT!

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bitterballofsunshine · 3 years ago

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Oh my god! Okay, so I'm new to tumblr and to the cricket fandom here! And I'm so excited to see that y'all ship cricketers! This is so sweet and awesome! It's not something I've ever seen or considered but oh god, I'm starting to love it!

If you don't mind and if you have time, would you mind explaining how it works in the cricket fandom? Like, what are the main ships?

P.S. I love your blog!

Hey, anon! Welcome to the pit of madness; you'll never get out of here with a clear mind! But it's fun down here, I promise! Either way, let's get down to the point without further a do cause shipping is my favourite part of being a cricket fan! I'll explain it to you and I apologise if I get a little

So, shipping in the cricfam (short term for the cricket fandom) is basically the same as anywhere else. We call it cricketslash.

None of us have ever come to the joint agreement of some ships being the ships. We ship the players based on photos/videos/behind the scenes clips/interviews/history/on field moments/rivalries. Even the simplest picture of two cricketers being in the same vicinity is enough ground for that ship to sail. Like literally, you can show me a pic of two cricketers together and I'll be like

Even cross-country ships are completely accepted and admired. Admittedly, there are some ships that are more famous than others but that doesn't mean that those players cannot be shipped with someone else.

Here are some ships from the currently floating commander fleet.

Jimmy Anderson/Alastair Cook (Cookerson) [Personal OTP!!!] Joe Root/Jos Buttler (J2) Chris Woakes/Jonny Bairstow Ben Stokes/Eoin Morgan/Mark Wood Stuart Broad/Steven Finn (Brinn) Sam Curran/Ollie Pope Pat Cummins/Mitch Marsh Mitchell Starc/Josh Hazelwood Aaron Finch/Glenn Maxwell Trent Boult/Tim Southee Virat Kohli/AB de Villiers Marcus Stoinis/Adam Zampa

However, there are much more. But the above ships just seem obvious. Like, here’s some photo proof for some of them.

(I mean, seriously, come on!)

Relative proof can also be found here, here and here.

But of course, there are some ships that aren't as famous and some of them I actually quite like. Here are a few examples for that.

Jimmy Anderson/Graeme Swann (Swanderson) [Previous OTP] Alastair Cook/Kevin Pietersen (Cookersen) [Highly recommend not getting it confused with Cookerson] Jos Buttler/Craig Kieswetter Eoin Morgan/Brendon McCullum Eoin Morgan/Brett Lee Stuart Broad/Jimmy Anderson (Branderson) Virat Kohli/Kane Williamson Alex Carey/Kane Richardson Jimmy Anderson/Kevin Pietersen Alastair Cook/Freddie Flintoff (Flintook) Alastair Cook/Jimmy Anderson/Graeme Swann Alastair Cook/Joe Root James Taylor/Chris Woakes Jimmy Anderson/Michael Clarke (Clandeson) [Oh yes, we have love-hate! Rivalries tend to have a lot of gay sexual tension. Just watch broken f*cking arm and you’ll get what I mean. And also there's the hitting of the head with a pad...]

As always, here’s the photo proof for some of the above.

If you see a pic and decide that those two players are shippable, then damn everyone else and ship them honey! In fact, it’s always nice to see and read the scenarios/headcons that other people have. I don’t know how many people I can speak for but I’m always open to hearing anything out.

And it’s also important to point out that in the cricfam, ships don’t sink! They might sail off or fall behind but they’re still very applicable and still fanfiction worthy. The reason for a certain ship sailing off can be retirement, scandals, many types of ‘gates’ and the possibility of a better ship.

A ship that sailed away due to retirement is Swanderson. Swanny retired during the 2013/14 Ashes so, that one went off into the horizon and Jimmy found closure in Cooky. As for scandals, we have Steve Smith/Tim Paine. You might undoubtedly know about Tim’s recent scandal. This did not go down well with the cricfam. So, we ditched that ship and moved on to Steve/Marnus. Another scandal-ended ship is Cookersen. After KP’s textgate and the massive fallout which happened during the 2013/14 Ashes, Cooky was done trying to make it work. Simple as that. James Taylor/Chris Woakes was famous and didn’t have any reason to sail off but Chris/Jonny just seemed to have a flair so that one won over.

BUT, this doesn’t mean that retirement/scandal calls for the ship to end. Hell no! It’s up to you and you alone whom you choose to ship. For example, just cause Cooky retired in 2018, it didn’t end Cookerson. It just gave way to fanfictions with headcons such as Cooky taking care of his farm while Jimmy’s away playing or Jimmy missing his boyfriend/husband while being on tour.

Also, this brings me to the next point; marriage.

There are some ships that currently just make sense as married couples. If you write a fanfiction set in the present, then it’s highly advised to write Cookerson as husbands since they’re both at an age to be married already. Ships like J2 can be husband/boyfriends, that can go either way. A ship like Sam/Ollie tends to be boyfriends since both of them are still babies. But again, you can do whatever the hell you want!

In addition to the ships, we also have father/son and family ideas. Here are those.

Cookerson are the dads. Steven and Stuart are the uncles. Joe, Sam, Ollie, Rory, Dom are the babies. Jos, Eoin, Ben, Mark, Chris and Jonny are the immature adults.

Again, you don’t have to stick to this! It’s completely up to your choosing. But there is reasonable foundation behind the family connections. Found here, here, here and here.

For more information on cricketslash, check out these blogs if you haven’t already. @leatheronwillow, @incorrectcricketquotes, @kutubiyya, @albiegeorge. @twistsofsilver I mean, not all of them are centered on shipping but you can find slash in there. Especially in @leatheronwillow although almost all of these are currently inactive. And there are many more blogs whom I probably forgot to tag so just check everyone's blogs out.

Or just watch a cricket match and see just how pathetically in love they are!

To finish things off, here’s AO3. Now anon,

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likeatlas · 2 years ago

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Chen James Caan's death was announced last month, the movie legend's favorite table was cordoned off at the Polo Lounge, the Beverly Hills Hotel's famed bar and restaurant. In the hidden Table One, which was also the favorite place of Charlie Chaplin, a candle and a photo of the star were placed, as well as Caan's favorite food; the house special, a chopped “McCarthy” salad, with chicken, bacon, beets and avocado, and an extremely dirty martini with extra olive brine. "When one of our great and well-known regulars passes away, we always pull away their favorite table and leave it all day and all night," says Steven Boggs, the hotel's director of global guest relations and a real source on Hollywood history. . "We call it 'putting an end place.'" Carrie Fisher, James Garner and Burt Reynolds are just a few of the other deceased regulars who have received this same honor. As you may have noticed, the regulars at the Beverly Hills Hotel are not like other regulars. They are Rita Hayworth, Katharine Hepburn, Paul McCartney and, according to last week's posts from the celebrity gossip Instagram account Deux Moi, Kim Kardashian, Megan Fox and rapper Machine Gun Kelly. While other places fall out of favor with the cream of the crop of celebrities, no other place in Los Angeles boasts the same ongoing level of star power as the Beverly Hills Hotel. "We also sit where Al Pacino likes to sit," notes Boggs, who has cordoned off Caan and Chaplin's table for our conversation, a cozy corner seat with sage-green velvet seats. "I can show you where Frank Sinatra sat, where Marilyn Monroe sat, where Elizabeth Taylor sat, et cetera," he adds, pointing to the table where Sinatra celebrated Dean Martin's 49th birthday, with the ensuing bar fight, which ended with the skull fracture of a well-known art collector. “But I can also show you the table where Steven Spielberg likes to write, and the table that Leonardo DiCaprio likes to have. Dinner is also interesting. Jimmy Fallon comes over and sits at the piano and plays some tunes. People still come here, deals are made all the time. It's still the nerve center." Los Angeles is a city that likes to play without much thought with its history. Although it has been the world famous center of the film industry for just over a century, many of its architectural treasures and buildings steeped in pop cultural folklore have been destroyed. Despite its legendary status, the Garden of Allah Hotel (adored by Greta Garbo, Clara Bow, and Errol Flynn), the majestic Ambassador Hotel, along with the Coconut Grove nightclub where the Rat Pack met, and the seedy paradise of the rock and roll The Tropicana Motel, all have fallen victim to the wrecking ball. Recently, Netflix bought the majestic Egyptian Theater on Hollywood Boulevard, causing many to worry about the future of the 100-year-old movie palace, which was built during a period of Egyptomania. However, the Beverly Hills Hotel still stands. Built in 1912 on 12 acres in the pristine foothills of the Santa Monica Mountains west of Los Angeles, the hotel was originally intended to encourage others to purchase adjacent land. Almost as soon as it opened, it attracted the first wave of Hollywood, with stars like Chaplin, Gloria Swanson, WC Fields and Harold Lloyd. The golden couple of the silent screen, Douglas Fairbanks and Mary Pickford, followed in the hotel's wake and bought a cottage next door, which they refurbished in faux Tudor and turned it into the luxurious "Pickfair", one of the most famous private residences from the United States. Marilyn Monroe was a regular customer of the hotel (Beverly Hills Hotel) In the 1930s, with the birth of sound films, a new wave of actors made the hotel their playground. Among them was Marlene Dietrich, who defied the rules of the Polo Lounge bar (no solo women or women in pants) by showing up alone in a stylish pair of pants. A 1940s addition by renowned black architect Paul Revere Williams made the hotel even more appealing to Hollywood's growing celebrity community.

The exterior was painted its signature pink color (check out its peach-colored turrets featured on the cover of The Eagles' seminal 1976 album, Hotel California) and the property's famous pale pink and green color scheme was adopted. However, it is not the main building of the hotel that has the most famous force: that claim belongs to the bungalows that are located just behind. These 23 self-contained shelters, the first five of which were built in 1915, had direct access from the street and were perfect for residents who wanted more privacy. One such guest was Elizabeth Taylor, who stayed in various bungalows after six of her eight weddings. The British-born icon's preferred bungalow was Number 5, and after her death in 2011, her family arranged a private ceremony inside it. The bungalows also hosted one of John Lennon and Yoko Ono's long stays (on a divan commissioned by Dietrich for the suite), while Paul McCartney and Linda Eastman spent a week in isolation on another, shortly after they met. Marilyn Monroe was also a big fan of bungalows, she often stayed at numbers 1 and 7, where she spent Christmas with her second husband, baseball star Joe DiMaggio, and had an affair with her co-star. by Let's Make Love, Yves Montand, in adjoining rooms, 20 and 21. Reclusive director and businessman Howard Hughes often stayed at Number 4, reserving several rooms at once so no one would know exactly where he was staying. "The only person in the hotel who knew exactly where it was was the executive chef," explains Boggs. "Because Howard Hughes loved his roast beef sandwiches." Even then, the chef didn't deliver the food directly to Hughes, but instead left it in a tree hollow outside his bungalow for the insomniac headmaster to grab in the middle of the night. Then there is bungalow 1, where the socialistGore Vidal's mother, Nina, had an affair with Clark Gable. "It got to the point where I'm not saying anything is definitely true unless I've seen it with my own eyes, or someone who saw it was drunk enough to tell me," Boggs assures me. So who told you about the adventure, I ask. “Gore Vidal!” he says laughing. The American writer and intellectual was a long-time lover of the hotel, spending its last days in 2012 in the lobby by a fireplace, singing to himself after their martini-filled lunches. "Gore, God bless him, toward the end of his life he spent every day at the Polo Lounge," explains Boggs. “He would bring his own sheet music and have the pianist play. He had a tremendous ear for music but a horrible voice. People who didn't know who he was were very upset!” Marlene Dietrich in 1940: defied the Polo Lounge bar's rule of not allowing unaccompanied women (Beverly Hills Hotel) It is not only the tradition of entertainment that lies deep in the bungalows, but also the political history. Bungalow 3 is where the young children of Robert Kennedy tragically discovered that his father, a presidential hopeful, had been assassinated, after seeing it on the news. The pool at the Beverly Hills Hotel, once surrounded by golden sand specially shipped from Arizona, has also seen its fair share of sensational activity. British actor Rex Harrison was fond of sunbathing nude, with nothing but a scarf covering his 'Doctor Doolittle', in private cabins, which is where composer Leonard Bernstein got the idea for West Side Story. When the Beatles stayed at the hotel, they had to sneak in through the pool exit to avoid the hordes of excited fans. Their manager, Brian Epstein, even met with Colonel Tom Parker at the Polo Lounge to set up a meeting between the band and Elvis, which sadly fell through on that occasion. The pool is also the site of one of the most iconic Oscar photos of all time: that of Faye Dunaway dramatically reclining the morning after winning the Academy Award for Best Actress in 1977. Newspapers are strewn about the pool. ground, one announcing Peter Finch's posthumous award for Best Actor for the same film.

Finch was also indelibly linked to the hotel, having died of a heart attack in the lobby just two months earlier. Celebrating 110 years since its opening, the Beverly Hills Hotel remains as popular as ever, and on Oscar and Grammy weekends it is filled with the world's biggest celebrities. "It's still relevant," says Boggs proudly. "We are literally the last of our kind." Rarely seen photos of Elizabeth Taylor taken by Bert Stern will be on display in the lobby of the Beverly Hills Hotel from August 1 to September 30.

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stuckinapatriarchalbullshitland · 4 years ago

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Camren Timeline (Tittle edited)

Hello, dear Anon.

I’m gonna answer your questions in order.

1) 2012-2016. This is the timeline that I’m gonna explain just because so you can go check based on the concerts, interviews, etc. Compared to the first years, the timeline from 2017 to today is much simpler because they’ve broken up very few times. This one here that I’m gonna explain (2012-2016), is based on what I know and also my theories. You can, as usual, disagree with me.

In January 2017, Camila talked about the evolution of her music during Lena Dunham’s Women of the Hour podcast, by explaining how she created her life story through the songs she wrote. Starting precisely from the age of 15, when she had her first kiss. She practically and inadvertently exposed the lie she has always been forced to tell regarding the famous first kiss she had when she was ‘17’. [The entire podcast has been removed, unfortunately. But you can go listen to the audio posted by 5HxCC News on Youtube, called ‘CAMILA CABELLO TALK FIRST KISS ON PODCAST’.]

According to the calculations, the kiss must have occurred between December 20, 2012, that is when X-Factor ended, and January 17, 2013, that is when they signed the contract with Syco/Epic in Los Angeles. My guess? It happened that same New Year’s Eve when the Cabellos spent it over at the Jaureguis.

Throughout 2013 until the beginning of April 2014, L and C had a strange relationship. They were friends, but they behaved and did things you wouldn’t do with a friend. Doesn’t that ring a bell? Oh, hello ‘Like Friends Do’!

2014: Become official in early April and broke up in late November. Small parenthesis. They were both 17 years old in April 2014. Oh, hello to you too ‘Used to This’!

2015: From the end of December 2014/the very first days of January 2015, to the beginning of April. From mid-July to mid-October. From the beginning of November to almost mid-December, they did a continuous on-again, off-again that lasted throughout 2016.

2016: from almost mid-January to mid-February. From early March to early April. From mid-May to early June. This makes me laugh. Only the first few days of August, then from mid-August to the end of August, and again, in hops the first days of September, and from after those hops, until almost the end of September. From early October to almost mid-October (broke up only for a few days), and then until mid-November. And lastly, only a few days in mid-December.

2) Camila suffers from one of the variants of OCD since she was 8, and despite seeing a therapist since 2013, her OCD was diagnosed at the end of 2015. C also suffers from anxiety, panic attacks, mood disorders, and depression (all linked to her OCD). These are things that we’ve been able to witness with our own eyes on more than one occasion. She’s always tried to bottle everything up and not show herself ‘weak’ in front of people, in front of us fans. The last thing she wanted was to let people know how much she was really struggling, and therefore, she always tried to disguise it as best she could. Many times, even using her humor as a shield. Picture certain events like a time bomb. Picture her depression as a progression ready to explode:

March 2015, mild. October, November, December 2015, and January 2016, medium. From June to August 2016, high, + explosion in early September, which consequently led to the permanent presence of mama Sinu.

Everything has been derived and therefore worsened by: 1) The rhythms that have always been crazy. 2) Having to deal with many people every day. 3) Having grown up in the spotlight and being constantly observed. 4) Labels that told them what to do (through management) even when they just had to breathe. 5) The expectations and the pressure they’d put on her for being chosen as the chosen one. 6) Having her relationship secretly because they’d rather pass her off as a killer rather than queer/bisexual/gay or in any case associate her romantically with a girl. 7) All the hatred constantly received.

And the list goes on… Anxiety consumed her life for a long time. Now comes and goes.

3) Yes, of course Laurinah were there for her. As were Ashlee, Normani, Ally, Hoko, Michel'Le, Lauren (Fuller), Roger, and a few other crew members who were with them on the tour. As were her family, Jenny, Sandra, Marielle, Mariana, Brooke, Megan, Tica, Rebecca, Guido, Steven, Javi, and her other Miami friends.

Guys, Camila is a private person. The fact that she’s private, however, doesn’t mean that at the time or now, she doesn’t have other friends. It wasn’t just Lauren, Dinah, and Ashlee. And as for 5H, of course Mani and Ally were there for her too, contrary to what they want us to believe. Just think about it. And don’t think that only Dinah was their captain. Who was the one who went to Taylor’s ‘1989 Tour’ concert with Camila? Who was the one who went with them to the famous 1975 concert in Los Angeles on April 16, 2014? Who was the one who tried to protect them from the paparazzi in London in 2015? And instead, who was the one who always helped them lie during interviews? Who was the one who could never manage to control her expressions at first glance in questions that caught them off guard?

Ally and Mani were captains as much as Dinah. There are billions of interviews that prove it. In their own way, they always helped and teased them. Think of the video where Ally fakes a laugh as Lauren loudly slaps C’s ass, who screams “Lauren!” Think about the performances of specific songs. One, for example, is ‘They Don’t Know About Us’, and Norminah always teased them especially during that song. Think about when fans asked Ally if Camren was real and she ran away, laughing and not answering. Think of Mani during the ‘BOSS or TOSS’ game. There are millions of other examples.

4) 3 times. But, as we saw with Dinah in that 2017 video, they may have given her intravenous therapies when she needed it. It’s common, especially for overworked artists.

Oh and, guys. I saw that the audio of the uncut interview with Hitz FM station that the girls did in Malaysia on July 6, 2016, which was released on August 5, has returned to spread. I don’t know why it’s back to spreading now since I heard it already, if I’m not mistaken, in 2017, and saved it a couple of years ago. But anyway, that’s not the point. The point is, I saw that they wrote what Camila says, and it’s wrong. Listen to the audio even at full volume if you want, but C doesn’t say ‘False’. This is what happens:

I (Interviewer): “This one an interesting one. Are Camila and Lauren dating?”

L: “No”

C: “Ugh, Jesus Christ”

I: “Yeah, I know” at the same time as what he says, C laughs awkwardly as a result of her comment “It comes down on Google 'cause people are googling it!”

L: “No! It’s amazing how people continue to do that”

I don’t know if whoever wrote that heard wrong or what. If it’s one of those “which name do you hear, Yanny or Laurel?” cases, you know? But I just wanted to point this out to you. That’s all.

Okay. Love u, guys. Stay safe, please. With love, Faby.

___

I decided to post this twice because I want to add this to a masterpost (Once I figure out how to do that)

But for real, this timeline is insane. I knew about a lot of those stuff except the last one about that interview. insane.

#submission #anon #ask #camren timeline #F #f anon

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seattlesea · 4 years ago

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Songs I Listen to While Writing Sorted by Genre/Type of Scene

(Some songs will be in more than one category)

Romance Scenes- we fell in love in october by girl in red Strawberries and Cigarettes by Troye Sivan Fool by Cavetown Call Me by 90sFlav Girls by girl in red 3AM by Finding Hope Dream Girl by Anna of the North Stay by Zedd & Alessia Cara Somebody To Tell Me by Tyler Glenn Secrets by One Republic Paris by The Chainsmokers Safe and Sound by Capital Cities Wild Heart by Bleachers A Thousand Years by Christina Perri Fire on Fire by Sam Smith Angel With a Shotgun by The Cab She Looks So Perfect by 5 Seconds of Summer Jet Pack Blues by Fall Out Boy Trade Mistakes by Panic! At The Disco When the Day Met the Night by Panic! At The Disco Moral of the Story by Ashe We Can’t Be Friends by Dream Koala Public Making Out Is Like Ugh by DNE Moon River by Audrey Hepburn Mystery of Love by Sufjan Stevens Alewife by Clairo Girls Like Girls by Hayley Kiyoko Futile Devices (Doveman Remix) by Sufjan Stevens Midnight Love by girl in red

Calm Scenes- Call Me by 90sFlav 5:32 by The Deli Crush by Esthie Coffee Breath by Sofia Mills Santa Monica Dream by Angus & Julia Stone Fool by Cavetown Golden Hour by Jonathon Morali Crosses by José González Death Bed by Powfu (Beat Only) 3AM by Finding Hope Waterloo Sunset by The Kinks Shy Girl by Kedam Counting Stars by One Republic Kaleidoscope Eyes by Panic! At The Disco She Had The World by Panic! At The Disco This Is Home by Cavetown Lua by Bright Eyes Sweater Weather by The Neighborhood Bedroom by Litany FLAMIN HOT CHEETOS by Clairo Will She Come Back by girl in red To All Of You by Syd Matters

Sad/Emotional Scenes- Obstacles by Syd Matters Runaway by Aurora Cancer by My Chemical Romance Unsteady by X Ambassadors State of Dreaming by MARINA Raquel y Sergio Juntos by Ivan M. Lacamera Coming Home by Falling in Reverse Spanish Sahara by Foals I’m Bad at Life by Falling in Reverse 7 Years by Lukas Graham Lost It All by Black Veil Brides Teen Idle by MARINA Hall of Fame by The Script Ocean Eyes by Billie Eilish 21 Guns by Green Day Pirate Love Song by Black Heart Shatter Me by Lindsey Stirling Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap Dollhouse by Melanie Martinez The Light Behind Your Eyes by My Chemical Romance Helena (So Long and Goodnight) by My Chemical Romance Famous Last Words by My Chemical Romance I Don’t Love You by My Chemical Romance The Ghost of You by My Chemical Romance Bishop Knife Trick by Fall Out Boy Indomitable by Casey Lee Williams The End of All Things by Panic! At The Disco Always by Panic! At The Disco Impossible Year by Panic! At The Disco Dying in LA by Panic! At The Disco Northern Downpour by Panic! At The Disco Far Too Young To Die by Panic! At The Disco This Is Gospel by Panic! At The Disco House of Memories by Panic! At The Disco Moral of the Story by Ashe Reason to Stay by Sody Anchor by Novo Amor Sober II (Melodrama) by Lorde Mt. Washington by Local Natives Mountains by Message To Bears

Action/Fight Scenes- Finish Line by Skillet I Ran (Epic Trailer Version) by Hidden Citizens Another One Bites The Dust (Epic Trailer Version) by Hidden Citizens Back From the Dead by Skillet Never Give In by Black Veil Brides The Phoenix by Fall Out Boy DESTROYA by My Chemical Romance Warriors by Imagine Dragons Bella Ciao by Manu Pilas What’s Up Danger by Blackway & Black Caviar The Resistance by Skillet Feel Invincible by Skillet In The End by Black Veil Brides Days Are Numbered by Black Veil Brides Fallen Angels by Black Veil Brides Caffeine by Casey Lee Williams This Will Be The Day by Casey Lee Williams 300 Violin Orchestra by Jorge Quintero Radioactive by Imagine Dragons Ready Aim Fire by Imagine Dragons Silent Running (Epic Trailer Version) by Hidden Citizens I’d Love to Change the World (Matstubs Remix) by Jetta Tommy’s Theme by NOISIA The Sharpest Lives by My Chemical Romance Mama by My Chemical Romance My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark (Light ‘Em Up) by Fall Out Boy The Carpal Tunnel of Love by Fall Out Boy Young and Menace by Fall Out Boy

Happy/Fun Scenes- Tongue Tied by Grouplove Bang! by AJR 100 Bad Days by AJR Wasted by Tiësto 3 Nights by Dominic Fike City in a Garden by Fall Out Boy I Took a Pill in Ibiza (SeeB Remix) by Mike Posner Safe and Sound by Capital Cities Collar Full by Panic! At The Disco Ahead By a Century by The Tragically Hip American Idiot by Green Day Superhero by The Script Wild Things by Alessia Cara Here’s To Never Growing Up by Avril Lavigne Do It All The Time by I Don’t Know How But They Found Me Burn by Ellie Goulding Move To Miami by Enrique Iglesias & Pitbull Mad Hatter by Melanie Martinez King of the World by Young Rising Sons Bulletproof Heart by My Chemical Romance Na Na Na by My Chemical Romance Miss Missing You by Fall Out Boy Where Did The Party Go by Fall Out Boy Sunshine Riptide by Fall Out Boy Last of the Real Ones by Fall Out Boy Wilson (Expensive Mistakes) by Fall Out Boy Time To Dance by Panic! At The Disco Crazy=Genius by Panic! At The Disco The Overpass by Panic! At The Disco Roaring 20s by Panic! At The Disco Victorious by Panic! At The Disco LA Devotee by Panic! At The Disco Don’t Threaten Me With a Good Time by Panic! At The Disco Something Good by alt-j Hollywood by MARINA

Badass/Dark Scenes- Pretty Waste by Bones UK Bubblegum Bitch by MARINA Born For This by The Score Kings & Queens by Ava Max Castle by Halsey Caffeine by Casey Lee Williams Heaven Knows by The Pretty Reckless Joan of Arc by In This Moment Believer by Imagine Dragons Sand Storm by Apashe you should see me in a crown by Billie Eilish Power & Control by MARINA Fancy by Iggy Azalea Look What You Made Me Do by Taylor Swift Empire of Our Own by RAIGN Revolution by Unsecret & Ruelle Unstoppable by The Score Control by Halsey Gasoline by Halsey Tag, You’re It by Melanie Martinez Up In The Air by Thirty Seconds To Mars So What by P!NK Do It Like A Dude by Jessie J Ready For It? by Taylor Swift Teenagers by My Chemical Romance Centuries by Fall Out Boy I Don’t Care by Fall Out Boy Rat a Tat by Fall Out Boy Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea by Fall Out Boy Champion by Fall Out Boy Thnks fr the Mmrs by Fall Out Boy One Thing by Casey Lee Williams I May Fall by Casey Lee Williams This Life Is Mine by Casey Lee Williams Let’s Kill Tonight by Panic! At The Disco Girls/Girls/Boys by Panic! At The Disco The Good, The Bad, and The Dirty by Panic! At The Disco Mount Everest by Labrinth Legendary by Skillet Homewrecker by MARINA Modern Day Cain by I Don’t Know How But They Found Me

That One Vibin’ Scene- When I RIP by Labrinth Sweatin’ Somethin’ Awful by Okey Dokey Wasted by Tiësto Leave Me Alone by I Don’t Know How But They Found Me Piano Fire by Sparklehorse Blinding Lights by The Weeknd Good News by Ocean Park Standoff Hey There Delilah by Plain White T’s East of Eden by Zella Day Hazy Shade of Winter by The Bangles (or the Gerard Way cover) 5:15 by Bridgit Mendler Here by Alessia Cara Joan of Arc by In This Moment Mr. Doctor Man by Palaye Royale Cool For a Second by Yumi Zouma Counting Stars by One Republic Daddy Issues by The Neighborhood Ho Hey by The Lumineers We Can’t Be Friends by Dream Koala Public Making Out Is Like Ugh by DNE Sober II (Melodrama) by Lorde North by Sleeping at Last 400 Lux by Lorde No. 1 Party Anthem by Arctic Monkeys Still Don’t Know My Name by Labrinth Primadonna by MARINA dontmakemefallinlove by Cuco

That ‘Holy Shit I Can’t Believe That Just Happened’ Scene- All For Us by Labrinth (or the Zendaya version) Raquel y Sergio Juntos by Ivan M. Lacamera Forever by Labrinth Coming Home by Falling in Reverse Superheroes by Falling in Reverse (also works really well for cliffhanger-ending scenes) Carry On by Falling in Reverse The Thunder Rolls by Garth Brooks (if you don’t like country music, listen to the All That Remains cover) Zombie by The Cranberries Obstacles by Syd Matters Glory and Gore by Lorde Empire of Our Own by RAIGN When It’s All Over by RAIGN Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap

The Cinematic Teen Experience Scene- Amsterdam by Imagine Dragons Midnight City by M83 Running Up That Hill by Kate Bush (Meg Myers’ cover does better with the category though) Good News by Ocean Park Standoff Circles by Post Malone Rollercoaster by Bleachers Bad Idea! by girl in red Mr. Brightside by The Killers Fireflies by Owl City Undercover Martyn by Two Door Cinema Club Check Yes Juliet by We The Kings The Kids From Yesterday by My Chemical Romance I’m Not Okay by My Chemical Romance Fourth of July by Fall Out Boy Tip Toe by Imagine Dragons Someone To You by Banners Gone Gone Gone by Phillip Phillips Make You Mine by PUBLIC Out of my League by Fitz and The Tantrums Perks of Being a Sunflower by Soft Glas A World Alone by Lorde Wetsuit by The Vaccines Bored to Death by blink-182 There’s a Place by The All-American Rejects 18 by Anabor Mother by Smallpools Tompkins Square Park by Mumford and Sons 400 Lux by Lorde The Horse by Beach Fossils Ribs by Lorde Can I Call You Tonight? by Dayglow Hot Rod by Dayglow Marlboro Nights by Lonely God Under Stars by Aurora Sweet Disposition by The Temper Trap Do Not Wat by Wallows Cold Cold Man by Saint Motel Forget Her by girl in red Buzzcut Season by Lorde A World Alone by Lorde Time to Pretend by MGMT Kids by MGMT Bags by Clairo My Tears Are Becoming a Sea by M83 Talia by King Princess (or the girl in red cover) Maybe by girl in red

And yeah that’s all I have for now. If you want any other categories just ask cause I’ll probably make a part two anyways.

#writing #author #songs #music #vibes #the songs i listen to are so specific #they have to be the exact song during the exact scene #its crazy #writer

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