#steve carlzberg

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Steve, stroking his chin for a dramatic effect: something's fishy about this place...

Cecil: we are literally standing in the seafood isle of the grocery store.

Steve, whispering harshly: SHUSH! the FBI agents spying on us with mics planted around here don't know that!

[leenikgeelofromthemynock]

One minute Steve Carlzberg Hulks out on a guy for talking about his daughter and the next it's like "Ooo-oooo-ooooh Hey there, Steve Carlzberg. Aren't you important looking! Hoo-hoo-hah-hoo!"

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Dana: Where’s Cecil?

Tamika, remembering that Cecil got his head stuck in a tuba after Steve told him to leave it alone, and that he’s supposed to cover for Carlos and Steve as they frantically work together to free Cecil’s head from the tuba: Who’s Cecil?

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when they get their candy is stuck in the vending machine

gets arm stuck trying to get it out: John Peters you know the farmer

shakes the vending machine: Carlos

kicks/punches the glass: Tamika

asks for help: Steve

all of the above, in that order: Cecil

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Janice: im bisexual

Cecil: oh my god hide the bikes

Steve: no one is allowed to make biscuits from now on

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Cecil: Let me get this straight? More like let me run something BI you.

Steve: Lets PAN this out

Dana: Let’s ACE-ess this situation

Carlos: I’m gay.

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Carlos Shut up.

Steve: NO CARLOS, I WON’T. TODAY I WILL NOT BE SILENCED.

Cecil:

Janice:

Abby:

Steve: WATER IS NOT WET

Carlos: HOW CAN IT NOT BE WET IT’S WATER

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I like to stare into security cameras to let the government know I’m watching them.

Steve Carlzburg

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Carlos: Wine?

Steve: I don’t drink.

Carlos: Water?

Cecil: He just said he doesn’t drink

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Janice: Why do we have to dress up for synagogue?

Steve: To show god we have our act together.

Janice, whining: But she already knows we’re lying.

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That's a perfect boy: Carlos, Charles

Fun having, fun looking, dirty boys, just rowdy dirty boys: Hiram, John Peters

Gen-u-ine Wrestle Boy: Josh, Earl, Lee Marvin

A thick boy (that you can't knock over with a pail of water): Cecil, Kareem, Steve

Hällo... I'm Real Bøy: Kevin, Chad, Troy

Garbage Boy, Stink Man: Casper, Marcus

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Cecil: YOU'RE UGLY WHEN YOU LIE STEVE

Steve: I'm not lying!!

Cecil: THEN WHY ARE YOU UGLY??

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Carlos: I minored in computer science. Ask me anything about robotics or technology. 

Steve, holding a fried, broken microwave with an unopened and burnt can of spaghettios inside: Why won’t my spaghetti heat up without the lighting 

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Steve: let yourself be gross!!! be ugly!!! be awkward and clumsy!!! don’t force yourself to make eye contact!!! don’t force yourself to dress well!!! don’t wear uncomfortable clothes!!! stim in public!!! let your hair be messy!!! let yourself be fat!!! get that haircut everyone says you don’t have the face for!!! be tacky!!! don’t hide your pimples!!! let yourself be comfortable in your own skin and never sacrifice that for other people’s comfort!!!

Steve: This has been a PSA provided by the PTO of Nightvale’s school district 

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Carlos: Hey guys, check out my awesome vampire costume!

Cecil: You are dressed like the Phantom of the Opera. He’s not a vampire.

Carlos: He eats theater people.

Cecil: No, he doesn’t.

Steve: I think he might.

Carlos: He does.

Cecil: Do you even know who the Phantom of the Opera is?

Steve: He might not.

Cecil: He doesn’t.

Carlos: I don’t.

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Steve: I don’t have a nervous system, I am a nervous system