#stepnephew

[doctorcrusher]

husband's mom told us that his stepnephew (who she & my step-MIL also mostly raised as a teenager) has put a lot of mileage onto husband's car since he left so she'd rather just buy us a new car (!!!) than have us bring the old one up to boston. the look on my face when she said that. my parents have been broke as fuck my entire life so marrying a guy with older, solidly middle class parents who live in a low COL area has been crazy

[diamondnokouzai]

so heres my zhaozhao list

her bad poetry im sorry wu meiniang but maybe you should leave the verses to the scholars you can just handle the versus

mount pussy come on. pretty classic.

said she was descended from the mom of the guy who her husbands said THEY were descended from so house li of tang (taizong & gaozong) claimed to be descended from laozi. founder of daoism (THE religion in china at the time). and wu jiejie said "awww thats so sweet :) im descended from laozi's mom. btw. who had no parents. and laozi didnt have a dad either. sooooooooooooo"

everything about the feng/shan rites how she shouldered her way into the first one. how it was her idea. how she kept doing it. mwah.

the wu family dysfunction no one is tormenting children and stepchildren and nieces and nephews and grandchildren and stepgrandchildren and stepnieces and stepnephews quite like her (note: this includes the li xians, everything wrong with ruizong, the marriages for her stepdaughters, and all the kids she birthed and later killed)

slut gate incident so in chinese palaces the north gate was for consorts. one time wu jiejies boytoy came in through the wrong gate and got into a snit with an official who wu jiejie liked. so she told her boytoy to come through the slut gate.

single best reply to hate mail so there were a bunch of rebellions that wu jiejie quelled. and this one dude wrote this righteous pamphlet about why the whole kingdom should rebel against wu jiejie. and wu jiejie was like "HOW THE HELL COME WE HAVEN'T HIRED THIS DUDE YET?"

horse speech so the first time wu jiejie talked to her husband emperor taizong (like, 40 years older than her, she was ~13) her hubby was like "and do any of my idiot wives know how to tame a horse?" [being sarcastic bc taizong was a misogynist bc it was 7th century china] and wu jiejie was like "first i whip it with a whip. then i brain it with an iron hammer. then i slit its throat with a silver knife." and taizong was like "noted noted! take five steps away from me please"

danganronpa execution of empress yang and pure consort xiao kinda dark. the action movie oneliner doesnt help

seized the throne from two of her kids first kid was like "arent i the emperor? id give the kingdom to my father-in-law and you fucks couldnt do shitfuck about it" and she was like "but your mom can :)" second kid was just kind of a loser who only disagreed with his mom once ever and luckily won.

moving the capital because she was so scared of ghosts & cats maybe you shouldnt have killed those two chicks so violently. and then never expressed any regrets about killing those two chicks so violently.

sharing a boytoy with her daughter this is the healthiest family relationship wu zetian was ever involved in

married her stepson, made a sex pun on their first meeting so remember wu jiejie was like 13 when she married taizong. her stepson (gaozong) was 9 at the time of the wedding. and also the sex pun came about because gaozong accidentally pissed on his future wife a little bit. chinese history is fun.

granny sex so much granny sex but wu jiejie too much granny sex makes the people discontent. seriously if you'd given your boytoys like, three fewer personal buildings apiece everyone wouldve been happy

shangguan wan'er so wu jiejie murdered wan'er's granddad. and gave wan'er a scar. and never apologized. but did call wan'er her favorite poet at court! #feminismwin #womensupportingwomen

escaping the buddhist temple so after taizong died wu jiejie was supposed to live out the rest of her existence in a shitty buddhist monastery with a shaved head. she did not. she didnt even shave her head if legends are to be believed. she didnt doubt herself for a minute.

pretended a new mountain showed up one day as a felicitous signal from the heavens self-explanatory

sentenced a sect of heterodox/lesbian orgy having/food orgy having buddhist nuns to death self-explanatory

was bffs with some old dude who had a bunch of supernatural court drama stories written about him seriously she loved di gongjue. like i think this was her latent daddy issues coming out honestly.

had passive aggressive lunches with her shittiest kid after said kid finally dethroned her until she died six months after losing the throne so honestly im using my imagination for this one. imagine. your mom has dethroned you once, and you never disagreed with her ever in your whole life because your mom is kind of mean and definitely killed your big brother. and then the first time you disagree with her you were 110% actually trying to back out of it but you got tricked into rebelling against your mommy (at age, like, 40) and then you kicked her out of the palace but kept having lunch with her. and also your wife is basically your mom and keeps telling you what to do. and youre still having lunch with your definitely abusive mom. hoo boy.

so yeah thats basically my top twenty wu-jiejie moments click like and dont forget to hit subscribe and the bell notification icon to get more of my medieval china thoughts

[elizabethan-memes]

I just noticed that it has been 2 years now since my last histfic short story on ao3 😳

In case you're wondering, I am still writing. I've been working on a new project since September 2021 and it's just hit 100k words (!!) I've also been experimenting with new forms and styles this year, I wrote my first children's fable as a gift for my stepnephew (he's 5) and my first Sci fi (ish) short story. I am interested in returning to the life of Elizabeth I but I have a lot of research to do for that first, piled up in my bookcase. (I'm also interested in the world of Elizabeth I as a setting in itself.)

[djmercy-wh3us]

Paiamon Lucitor

Fullname Paiamon Darconius Lucitor

Parents: Stanleyford Lucitor (Father Deceased) Lucifierona Asmodevil (Mother)

Family: Exasperella Lucitor (Grandmother) Unknown Grandfather King And Queen Lucitor (Great-Grandparents Deceased) Queen Lucitor (Great Great Grandmother Deceased) Reclior Lucitor (Great-Great-Grandfather) Unknown StepParents Asmodeus "Ozzie" Asmodevil (Young Haif Brother) Queen Wrathmelior Lucitor (Adopted Mother) David Lucitor (Adopted Father Deceased)

Puraumbra Lucitor (Adopted Older Sister Deceased) Duke Neptune Kelpbottom (Adopted Brother-In-Law Deceased) Thomas "Tom" Lucitor (Adopted Brother) Chlana And Jackie (Sister-In-Law)

Beatrix Lucitor (Neice) Ivory Lucitor (Nephew) Marinea O'Thomas (Neice) Flarelynn O'Thomas-Lucitor Cynthia O'Thomas (Adopted Neice) Gabriel Greason (Stepnephew) Pennywise O'Lucitor (Nephew) Seraphim Flamefirestorm (Adopted Nephew)

Star Butterfly (Wife) Cometteoritte Lucitor-Butterfly (Daughter)

[recordpaul]

D&D Turns 50 & I still can't figure out THAC0

New Post has been published on https://paulrecord.com/dd-turns-50-i-still-cant-figure-out-thac0/

D&D Turns 50 & I still can't figure out THAC0

Hey everyone! Guess what? Dungeons & Dragons is hitting the big 5-0, and that’s got me all nostalgic. Let’s take a trip down memory lane and see how this epic game weaved into my life’s tapestry, starting way back when I was just a kid in ’88.

Picture this: a ten-year-old me, totally geeking out over the latest D&D books I snagged from my uh stepnephew (Long story!!!). It wasn’t just another game for me, it was the gateway to a universe where I could be anyone, and do anything. And man, did I dive headfirst into those adventures. From battling skeletons to figuring out THAC0, I was hooked.

Fast forward a few years, and there I was, hanging out at a comic shop near my dad’s place in Cali. Those shelves were like dragon treasure vaults, packed with everything from Silver Surfer comics to the latest D&D box sets. My favorite was Ravenloft! That place was my tavern, where I’d spend hours plotting campaigns and building worlds.

Eventually, we moved back to Podunk. Thankfully I found a group of friends who already knew how to play so when not at school< I was rambling around looking for a table to join. There were six of us back then. I can still see all their faces and hear their voices as they hollered when one of us would crit or fail. My friend Todd was mostly the DM but that would change as I took over. My style has always been gonzo and the others seemed to enjoy my games. To me, the rule of cool was the #1 Rule. Who cared if there was a ruling that disagreed? As with Life, there were Family Disasters, and then High school hit, and suddenly, I was all about the usual angsty teen stuff you know, partying, figuring out life, and just trying to not get my face smashed in. D&D took a backseat as I tackled the whole growing-up gig in Podunk, USA.

It wasn’t until around 2011 that I dusted off my dicebag and jumped back into rping. This time, I was DMing my party through the Pathfinder Jade Regent Adventure Path, and the rest is history. I have now DM mostly non stop since then.

D&D has this amazing way of grabbing you and not letting go. Sort of like a rabid goblin. Whether you’re slaying dragons or unraveling mysteries, it’s always a wild ride. And the best part? The friends you make along the way. It’s crazy to think about all the people I’ve met because of this game. Though some are no longer with us. RIP Todd

So here’s to D&D on its golden anniversary! It’s more than just a game, it’s a part of who we are. It’s brought us together, sparked our creativity, and given us a million stories to tell. Cheers to that, and may our dice always land a critical!

Happy 50th, D&D. Let’s keep the adventures rolling.

[itsbebebrainrotting]

Pepito is simultaneously sunnys step brother through mariana and stepnephew through roier. Family logic yknow.

Realising that foolbo marriage is a hilarious concept because it would make tubbo cellbits stepfather-in-law and i think thats a hilarious development from "regularly headcanoned as siblings"

[warringpeace]

ASK meme sent by @strxnzo​

[Hugs for a very long time] @ any one of her luvs who needs a hug ♥️

Body tensed at his stepmother’s touch, subsiding only when he realized what she was doing. Or trying to do, at least. In his wolf form, hugging him was impossible. Unless they wanted to ‘drown’ in his fur, that is. “....hello, stepaunt.” Gruffly polite as he can be, though he did attempt to pry her arms from around his waist once the embrace continued for longer than a minute. 

[phil-burbank]

M'ster Burbank, I've hear you're not very glad with your stepnephew going around the ranch but, what if he invited some friend for a couple of weekends or even the summertime vacations? Would you change your attitude with the guest?

There’s a low groan in the back of my throat when you mention my ‘step-nephew,’ and I lower my head, continuing to braid the rawhide. “I’d be more surprised if he had a friend ta invite over. He don’t seem like the type that attracts big crowds.” My gaze wanders to Peter, who’s hula-hooping near the side of the barn. Sweet mercy, that boy needs a goddamn hobby.

The sun is shining behind you, so I squint when I look up. “What about my attitude needs changin’?” I glance over at the boy, and I grunt. “You think I bully him. Listen…” I focus on the task at hand. “I ain’t the soft type. Wasn’t raised that way either. This world will eat you alive if you don’t learn ta toughen up. Get right. Softness will either get ya nowhere or get ya dead. There ain’t no place for it here. Not on my ranch, at least.”

The truth is, I admire Peter for his honesty. The boy doesn’t give a shit what I think of him or what the cowhands think of him. He has an honesty about him that I could use. But if people knew… “I’m tryin’, alright? I’m tryin’ ta be a little civil. It’s either that or I lose my brother.” I shrug my shoulders; the rawhide squeaks as it’s pulled tighter against my hip. “If he wants ta have a friend over, fine. Just as long as they ain’t skippin’ around or doin’ some Nancy shit.”

[maybe-your-left]

No, no, no... Rey is kind of Kylo's aunty. So, it's more like stepnephew type of porn.

my mistake:

Aunt gets railed by well-hung Nephew

[blushing-starker]

@idyllicstarker Hi hon! Sorry this took so long, I just sort of stopped making moodboards for a while, a bit of a block. But here you go! Hope you like it.

Peter absolutely starts being an escort for the money, is in desperate need for some cash to pay tuition and well. He's not too happy about his aunt dating but her new boyfriend works for the richest man in the world who just happens to need an escort for a press junket after revealing the new Stark tech so really, Peter can't complain much. And anyway, Tony is every wet dream he's ever had, arrogant as fuck and very nearly rude, but the guy pays well and now he's travelling all over the world for a month. If he can get the billionaire to like him, Peter just might have enough money to retire before he's twenty five.

(And then he falls head over heels and shit, it's not about the money anymore. Christ, he should've been a barista like MJ, at least then he wouldn't be losing his composure on live tv when Tony has the miraculous idea of proposing in the middle of an interview.

Well, now there's no way he can avoid Happy, is there?)

You mentioned you like receiving requests! So I was thinking, escort Peter (as in the non sexual escorts, that actually escort you to places, if you get me) having to accompany Tony to a dinner? Simple, but I’m sure you will make it wonderful as usual!!

I have never heard of this but I'm already hooked. Thank you darling, I appreciate you guys supporting my content and giving me some much needed inspiration. I'll start working on it and tag you when it's done!💜

[bobbie-robron]

Robert from 13-Nov-2014.

Memorable quotes:

Lachlan: How do I get a girl to like me?...

Robert: You need to intringue her. Never be yourself

Lachlan: But then what?

Robert: Find out what’s missing in her life and then give her that.

Robert: I’m not even sure Andy can read. Maybe you can read it to him. It’ll get you out of the house.

Robert: Knowledge is power. It’s a cliche but it’s true. Find out the right piece of information about someone, their secret, and they’re yours.

Val: Robert! The prodigal stepnephew returns!

Robert: No, what you’ve done is live a life of absolute denial and allowed all that denial and repression to turn you into a cold embittered hate-filled old man.

Robert: Well I’m not going anywhere. In case you haven’t noticed this is my home, so do your worst because I haven’t gotten started yet.

Finn: Oh my beautiful, beautiful nerd brother.

[thenocturnalmushroom]

Time to Heal - AshEiji (Chapter Two)

Chapters: 6/? Fandom: Banana Fish Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji Characters: Ash Lynx, Okumura Eiji Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Fluff, Lots of fluff, Angst/Comfort, Lots of comfort, Healing, Mentions of past child abuse, Happy Ending  

Read on AO3

Eiji felt very tempted to throw his phone to the other side of his small apartment when the alarm started to ring. But, even only half conscious, his mind was awake enough to remind him how much it would cost him a new one - a little too much for his college student wallet. Contending himself to just turn the alarm off, the boy came back to bury his face into his soft pillow, promising to never staying up so late at night reading again - a promise he knew he would never accomplish.

Allowing himself to have a few more minutes of laziness, Eiji stretched out his body on the bed, letting the timid sunbeams, that were coming through the curtains, warm his face pleasantly. The boy didn’t have so much to do that day; he just needed to start his shift a bit earlier in the café that afternoon, to help his uncle to reorganize the storage, but his whole morning was completely free for him to start a new book or watch the show that his best friend, Shorter, had recommended to him. While Eiji tried to decide what to do before leaving the bed, he let the sounds of the already busy store downstairs reach his ears, indicating the true beginning of a new day.

After going to brush his teeth, Eiji headed into the kitchen to prepare his breakfast: a cup of hot green tea and the last chocolate donut in the package - an unexpected match of flavors from both cultures, but a very welcomed one. The boy loved how the bitterness of the green tea balanced the too sugared taste of the American sweet. Accompanied by his breakfast, Eiji came back to his bed, taking the opportunity to grab his laptop in the “living room” – two old, but pretty armchairs he had positioned in the free space between the kitchen and his bedroom, trying to make it look like his tiny apartment wasn’t that tiny. The boy ended up deciding to find out if the show that Shorter had insisted so much for him to watch was as good as his friend claimed it to be.

**

The show ended up being so gripping that Eiji completely lost his track of time. He dived so deep into the story, getting so involved by all the small mysteries that led to a bigger and exciting one, the interesting characters, the unique atmosphere of the world where the story was settled… and when he realized, the morning had almost reached its end, dragging him back from the fictional world to the real one. The clock ticked just over eleven o'clock when he turned his laptop off, making a mental note to thank Shorter for suggesting him that amazing show later, right before starting to get ready for his chores of the day - being the first one, preparing the lunch for him and his uncle. The boy couldn’t help but let a resigned sigh get out of his chest for not be able to finish the first season of the show that morning, while he locked his door and headed for his uncle's apartment, right beside his own.

The kitchen of Eiji's apartment was enough for the small meals he prepared to himself; but when it came to larger or more elaborate meals, the boy borrowed his uncle's kitchen, as was the case that day. Ibe's apartment was more than twice the size of Eiji's, with well-divided rooms and three bedrooms. When he moved to America to help his uncle during his recovery from cancer, about two years ago, Eiji had shared the apartment with Ibe for little more than eight months, but he had never felt comfortable with it; the boy couldn’t stop thinking that he was somehow invading his uncle's privacy. Then, as soon as the man was completely healed and recovered from the treatment, Eiji voiced his wish to rent the empty efficiency apartment. Uncle and nephew had some discussions on the subject; Ibe didn’t want to accept that his nephew would pay to live there, but the stubborn boy insisted on doing it, after all, he didn’t think it was fair to stay in the apartment as a favor. The uncle still tried to make him change his mind, but soon he found out that when Eiji puts something in his mind it was easier to just accept the defeat. Still, Ibe had made it clear to him that his house would always be Eiji's as well - which has been proved to be very convenient for the boy, like at moments like that.

Wasting no time, Eiji took all the ingredients he would need to prepare the lunch: rice, two pieces of fish, some vegetables and spices. The boy was better at preparing sweets dishes, but there was nothing to complain about his savory meals; he always seemed to know the right spice and the right amount of it to enhance the taste of each food - unlike his uncle, who always seemed to use either too much or too little spice. A little over half an hour later, Eiji was already serving the food in the obentou boxes and as soon as he finished cleaning the kitchen, the boy grabbed both obentou and started walking to downstairs to the first floor where the Banana Fish café was running full blast.

The boy hesitated for a moment in front of the door that separated the silent residential part of the build from the hectic commercial one. At this point, he was supposed to be used to deal with lots of people, once he has been working at the store for almost two years, having to interact with the costumers everyday during long hours of his day, but… the truth was that he still feeling like he hadn’t improved so much when it comes to his social skills. Eiji still feeling that annoying uneasiness in his stomach every time when he was about to start a new shift, every time when he needed to smile and exchange a few words with a stranger, every time when he needed to step outside that door in front of him.

Taking a deep breath, Eiji opened the door and gave his first step to beyond his small, silent world.

**

Eiji found his uncle in the staff room, but he wasn’t alone; Ibe was talking with Max, his business partner and best friend. A smile automatically came up to the boy’s lips, only to falter a moment later, making his heart ache a little bit.

Since Eiji had met his uncle’s best friend, he had never seen the man without a gentle smile on his face, but… the only thing that seemed to adorn his face since the month before was a deep expression of concern and exhaustion, darkening his kind eyes and making the tips of his lips - so used to be turned upwards - point to the ground. The loss of his younger sister had really messed with Max and, no matter how much the boy wanted to help him, he couldn’t thinking about anything to do. The feeling of impotence made Eiji’s chest even heavier.

“Hello, Eiji!”, Max greeted him with a broad smile, but that wasn’t enough to erase the marks that the tiredness had left on his face.

“Good afternoon.”, the boy returned the smile kindly, approaching the two older men and taking a sit next to his uncle. “How are you doing?”

Max visibly suppressed a sigh. “I won’t lie to you… it’s been a tough time, but…”, a small, but sincere smile took shape on the man’s lips. “I’m gonna be fine. I’m feeling like things are finally starting to settle down.” And with a glow of fun flicking into his eyes, he added: “I’m even missing working! I can’t wait for the end of these vacations!”, If Eiji wasn’t mistaken, the Head Chef of the Banana Fish café still had another week before returning to work, after taking a couple of weeks off to handle with all the things related to the passing of his sister and brother-in-law, besides the custody of their son.

“And how’s your…”, the boy hesitated for a moment, uncertain about the proper word to use in that case. For someone who used to have a very poor knowledge of the English language when he arrived in North America lands, Eiji had improved a lot during his time living there - but it didn’t mean that the Japanese boy  had stopped to struggle with the language sometimes.“… stepnephew going? Does this word even exist?”

Max burst out laughing at the last question of his best friend’s nephew for a moment, right before his smiling face melted back to his tired expression.

“Well… it’s really hard to tell how Ash is actually feeling… He seems to be pretty good at cover his emotions with some layers of indifference and self-confidence, as if he doesn’t care so much about what’s happening around him because he knows he would be fine no matter what. As if he thinks he can deal with everything all alone. And that’s what worries me the most.”, each word that came out from Max’s mouth seemed to put more weight over his shoulder instead of relieving it.

Eiji knew near to nothing about the Chef’s nephew. Ibe didn’t want to go into too much details, but he had told him once that unfortunate events seemed to chase the boy along all his life since he was a child, including the loss of his parents around a month before. It broke Eiji's heart to hear that someone so young has had already to face so much in life.

“The only thing I’m sure about Ash…”, Max continued. “… is that he's not very excited about the idea of living in a small town like this one, but…”, his concerned expression started, little by little, giving way to a fragile smile with a hint of hope on it. “But he’s getting along very well with Michael. Those two got attached to each other the moment they met, like they had adopted the other as a brother or something like that instantly.”,  and with the softer expression Eiji had seen on his face for the past month, he added: “The only times Ash seems to be himself is when he's with Michael. That's a good sign, isn’t it?”

It was Eiji's turn to allow a smile to reach his lips. The little Michael was a very special child, so it didn't surprise him that the other boy got attached to him so easily; it was hard not to have a soft spot for that sweet kid.

“You should invite him to come here.”, Ibe suggested, tapping his fingers lightly on the lid of the obentou box. He seemed eager to devour his lunch, but he didn’t want to be rude. “I'm sure he will not resist to our delicious sweets. They are… irresistible!”

Max smiled at his friend gratefully. “Thank you, Shunichi. I’ll talk about it with him later. But, now…”, he began to stand up calmly, resting one hand on the back of the chair. “Now, I'm going to let you two have your lunch in peace.”

Ibe tried to persuade Max to stay a little longer, but his friend declined the invitation, affirming that he had promised his wife to help her with some things at home, but he promised to return to visit them before his kind-of vacation was over - and that he would bring his nephew next time.

“I've never seen Max so down before…”, lamented Ibe, chewing his lunch in a melancholic way. He must have been really worried about his friend not to be excited about the delicious food his nephew had prepared for them. “I hope things get better for him soon.”

“Me too. Seeing him like this makes me feel so sad.”, Eiji agreed, poking his piece of fish absently with the hashi. “But I'm sure everything will be fine sooner than we expect!”, the boy smiled at his uncle with confidence, making the man smile too.

The Glenreeds had always been so kind to Eiji, making him feel comfortable around them, almost as if he were part of the family. No matter what they were going through, the boy was sure they would get over that much in no time. They were good and kind people... Eiji could bet it wouldn’t take so long for even that new member of the family to feel welcomed by them.

The boy couldn’t help but wonder what kind of person Max’s nephew was.

[elizabethan-memes]

a million years ago i was tagged by @fata-vocant​ to post my lock screen, the last song i listened to, and the last photo on my camera roll 

Unfortunately I can’t reveal my lock screen because it’s a photo of my sleeping stepnephew at 13 hours old. Not that I don’t trust y’all! But I don’t have his mum’s permission.

Instead I will reveal my home screen which is this pic:

it’s a tiny tea set carved from fish bones by Russian WW1 POWs. I find it deeply moving for many reasons.

The last song I listened to was Ghost Town by the Specials

the last photo i took on my phone was super boring and also an address so you don’t want to know.

I’ll show this instead because it amused me:

eggo?

ohhh

[finalgirlfall]

nfwmb + movement?

movement: do you perform in any way?i used to do theatre camp (from maybe third grade to seventh grade), and i took a beginning theatre class my senior year of high school. but i haven’t done theatre for fun or of my own volition since seventh or eighth grade. oh g-d oh fuck i almost forgot i’ve played cello since i was ten! i don’t know if that counts, but i love it. and i am doing something for the enjoyment of others with that, so i think it counts.

nfwmb: is there anything you would protect with your life?hm… my dad and my sister, specifically, of my biological family. my stepnephews and my girlfriend, also.

[warringpeace]

ASK meme sent by @strxnzo​

[ 📞 ] ‘ i’m always here for you. ’ @ ANYONE :D

“Thank you, Eliza. Fenrir and I will also be here for you and our cousins. And our uncle, naturally.” While it had taken him longer to learn how to use mortal technology ( mostly because he wasn’t too bothered to do so ), he’d picked up on things fairly quickly. Now, he looked just like every other teenager, deep in conversation with a family member. Fenrir grunted beside him, the taller Lokason rolling his eyes. “Do give our regards to our father. Though I suspect that we will be seeing him eventually.”

[lassieposting]

i wanna see the photoshop and graficky stuff you do tbh

Some of it is in my SP Handbook tag as sneak peeks! I put faces into ye olde oil paintings, put together things like the family crests and character profiles.

I also do just. Generic photo editing for things like my mom's wedding or her stepnephew's first birthday because fuck the prices people be charging, so I just. Taught myself