#stephanie meyer explain yourself

[talias-account]

imo the most confusing thing in breaking dawn is not renessmee's existence or the baby imprinting thing or the logistics of it all. It's what they did afterward. did the cullens just eventually go back to school?? i mean, they HAD to right?? the whole reason they kept moving around and redoing high school is so humans wouldn't get suspicious. did bella, a married mother, have to pretend to be a junior in highschool again? would they even be able to move now that renessme exists? i'd honestly read an entire separate book abt this im so curious.

[andreafmn]

Collision - Chapter 4

Word Count: 3,821

Characters: Female Reader Uley Character, Sam Uley, Allison Uley, Charlie Swan, Bella Swan, Seth Clearwater, Billy Black, Jacob Black, Emily Young, Paul Lahote, Harry and Sue Clearwater, Leah Clearwater

Story Description: (Y/N) Uley is back home after being away for four years. Her life at its first standstill and she is taking this time to find out who she is without school. But she never thought that coming back to the reservation would turn her whole life around. In the midst of secrets and mystery, a man crashes into (Y/N)’s and her life will never be the same.

*DISCLAIMER* I do not own in any way Twilight, all credits of the pre-established characters, script, and storyline belong to Stephanie Meyer and Summit Entertainment. The only thing I own is Uley Reader insert, any upcoming characters, and her storyline, as well as her effects in the others’ story line.

Chapter: 4/?

A/N: Don’t know if I ever mentioned it, but the story takes place before New Moon but after Twilight. It starts at the end of May after the dance, so it’d be the summer before Bella’s birthday in September. If you enjoy my writing I’ll also be posting them in AO3 and Wattpad along with other stories (I also hope to start taking requests if ya’ll want) Hope you enjoy and all constructive criticism is encouraged.

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Chapter 4

The next time she awoke she was back in sight of the blinding hospital lights. Her head was heavily pounding and the clothes on her body felt alien to her. Her eyes struggled to adjust to the white lights of the sanitized room, but they were suddenly off.

“Back again, Miss Uley?” She recognized the voice, Dr. Cullen. “I’ve already turned the lights off so don’t worry about that.”

Her eyes finally opened to reveal the smooth pale face of the doctor. A wave of calmness rushed over her as soon as her eyes connected with his golden ones.

“What can I say?” She chuckled. “I just couldn’t stay away.”

“Well, it seems you’ve been having a recurring headache, insomnia, memory lapses, and a lack of appetite. It looks like post-concussive syndrome. Your mom told us you were feeling like this for a few days, why didn’t you come back?” Carlisle questioned. He was trying his best to look like he was breathing but if he took even a single breath all his years of self-control would be over in an instant.

“I thought if I could just make it to at least seven days it could clear me from coming back to the hospital, at least as a patient.”

“What do you mean?” This comment had perked the interest of the man. Thoughts raced through his head faster than he could analyze them.

“I was thinking of applying for a medical assistant job here in the hospital. I recently got my degree in biology, and I’ve been thinking of going to medical school after.”

“That sounds like a plan, but let’s work on getting you better first.” It did sound like a good plan to Carlisle. He wanted to be as close as possible to her every single day, but it also meant he would have to work triple as hard to control his thirst. “We’d like to keep you for the next few days and make sure you’re in good health before you can go back to business as usual.”

“How long would a few days be?”

“About four to five days, just to make sure that the symptoms don’t worsen, and we can give you an all-clear.” It would also give him a few days to grow accustomed to her smell. “We can work over that application for medical assistant, make sure it’s something you want to do.”

“Yeah, that’d be great.” She smiled at the man in front of her, her heart fluttering with every breath she took. “Thank you, Dr. Cullen.”

“Please, call me Carlisle,” he smiled. “Now, why don’t you continue resting, and whatever you need just call. My office is right down the hall, I’ll be here in no time.”

The girl stared at the retreating form of his body and covered the heat that was rising to her face with her pillow. The butterflies in her stomach had made her uneasy and had her hands shaking. She didn’t understand why she was feeling this way. It had only been a week since her first encounter with the doctor, but those few seconds were enough to have her drooling over the man like a lovesick schoolgirl.

A few days had come and gone quickly. (Y/N) had grown attached to Carlisle, seeing and talking to him every day had felt like a dream. In his free time, she would go over to his office and pick a book to read, which they talked about the next day. They spent hours talking about nothing and everything.

It had been a long time since Carlisle had felt this way, centuries. Being around her had gotten easier each day that passed. Her smell becoming comforting instead of a trigger to the endless hunger for human blood – he’d never had a simple drop of it, but nothing could explain how much he wanted to have hers. Getting to know her had been a welcomed activity by the young doctor. He could spend days upon days listening to the sweet sound of her voice, admiring her curious-filled face when she started a new book – which she read swiftly, taking only a couple of hours to finish most of them.

“Can’t believe you have so many first editions, and you leave them at work.” She ran her hand across the spine of Dostoyevsky’s Crime and Punishment. “I would keep them in a well-preserved chamber, and no one would be able to even breathe on them.”

Carlisle smiled as the girl gawked once again at his book collection. It wasn’t hard to acquire first edition novels when you were alive when they were published. “If you’re impressed by this collection, you’d be completely astonished by the one I have back home.”

“You have more?!” He nodded. The girl shined like a kid on Christmas, her eyes gleaming at the thought of a big library. “Oh, that sounds like a dream.”

“You’re more than welcome to come over any time. It’s always refreshing to meet a literature aficionado such as myself.”

“Really? That’d be amazing!” She grinned brightly. “I could spend all day reading, forget about work.”

The duo laughed. “Too late to withdraw the application but you’re always welcome to pass your downtime in my office.”

“Sounds like a plan,’’ she smiled. “Now, doctor, what will you ever do now that I’m not going to be here every day?”

“Oh, how will I ever go on?” He chuckled. “But if you ever need help during that time, just come by. My office is always open. And hopefully, you’ll visit from time to time on personal time.”

“I’m sure it’s something that can be arranged.”

If there was still blood rushing through his veins, the capillaries in his face would have widened. He felt like he now understood Edward; how being with her made him feel human again. And there was nothing more that he wanted than to take their friendship to another level, but he wasn’t sure if she would ever feel the same. Carlisle knew that she was unaware of the supernatural since (Y/N) had allowed him to be in her life. But what would happen once she knew everything? How could he ever come between her and her family?

“Miss Uley, your mother is here,” a nurse spoke up, peeking her head through the office door. “Discharge papers have already been filed.”

“Thank you, Nurse Dalen. She’ll be out in a moment.” Carlisle smiled.

“Well, the time has come.” (Y/N) took her phone out of her back pocket and handed it to the doctor. He looked at her with a question-ridden gaze. “I’m gonna need your phone number so we can arrange any future endeavors.”

“Right,” he laughed, typing his number into her directory. “I’ll be waiting for that call.”

“I’ll be making it soon enough,” she grinned. “I’m gonna go now. I’ll see you around, Cullen.”

“I’ll see you, Uley.”

She left the office with a huge smile on her face, holding her phone close to her chest. For the first time, she was experiencing something she had heard of most of her teenage years. Once she had met Carlisle all she wanted to do was get to know him better, spend her time with him, just being near him would suffice. It was the first time she was learning what falling for someone was, and even though it was scary, she was jumping in headfirst.

“Hi, honey. Ready to go home?” Allison hugged her daughter for the first time in five days. (Y/N) nodded, truly ready to finally sleep on her own bed.

“So, how are you liking Dr. Cullen?”

“MOM!” Allison laughed at her daughter’s reaction. It was easy to see that (Y/N) had taken a liking to Carlisle Cullen, and vice versa.

“What, darling? If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck.”

“It’s not like that, mom.”

“But you’d like it to be like that.”

“I’m not talking about that with my mother.” (Y/N) placed her cold hands on her cheeks, trying to cool down the warm blood that had rushed onto her cheeks. The cool air of the car’s A/C was only helping her so much.

“I just want you to be careful with that, honey. He’s older than you, technically has kids, and rumor has it he is married.”

A breath hitched in her throat. Married? She knew he had adopted five kids, most of them her age, but not that he was married. Had she read the situation wrong? He didn’t wear a ring, he didn’t mention any relationship, he had no pictures of a woman in his office. Then again, they had only spent five days together at the hospital. She didn’t know what he did when he went home at night, who he went home to at night. (Y/N) shouldn’t feel betrayed—they weren’t anything, and they weren’t on track to become anything.

“Don’t worry, mom. I’ve just been picking his brain about working in the hospital, and he’s been helping me with what I’m gonna be doing this summer.”

“Oh, have you decided what you want to do?”

“I’m gonna get my medical assistant certification. It’s a three-month course then I can work at the hospital.”

“That’s great, honey.” Allison smiled at her daughter from the driver’s side. “Is that where you’d see yourself making a career?”

“Not sure. I want to take this time to see if life in a hospital is truly where I’d like to work – see if medical school would be it for me.”

(Y/N) hadn’t taken the time to focus on her future. In her high school career, she spent her time focusing on the present and piling on as much as she could, and now she had no sense of direction. She would take every day as it came, hoping one day she would find her purpose.

Finally, back home, she hopped off the truck and stretched out her limbs, stiff from the days on a hospital bed. Taking a deep breath of fresh air and basking in the afternoon sun. The cold that had seeped into her bones from the hospital melted off, and she smiled feeling the warmth surround her.

“Why don’t you go upstairs, honey?” Allison told her daughter. “There’s a surprise waiting for you in your room.”

(Y/N) smiled and quickly made her way up the stairs to see what her mom meant. Opening the door, tears forming in her eyes. Her room had done a 180-degree turn. The walls had been painted a light beige color, and plants hung from the walls bringing warmth to the room. The bed was adorned with a white cover, and a fluffy duvet to keep her warm at night. A wooden frame sat atop the bed dressed in white linen and ivy vines. A bookcase lived in the corner of her room, filled to the brim with her collection of hardbacks and peppered with potted plants. Opposite the bed was a small desk with a dark green suede chair, her laptop set up in the workspace. Her room finally felt like hers.

“Do you like it, honey?”

“Mom, did you do this?”

“I wish I could take credit, but your brother and your friend Paul came over when I was at work and redecorated. I was actually surprised that they even came over.”

“I’ll have to thank them,” (Y/N) grinned. Even though their relationship was strained at the moment, and she had yet to see Paul since coming back, she was glad that they had taken time out of their days to do this for her. “I’ll go over to Sam’s house for a bit, maybe now he’ll have time to see me.”

“Why don’t you go tomorrow, honey? You should take it easy.”

“I feel a lot better, mom. You don’t have to worry too much.”

“I’m your mother, I’ll always worry. If you’re gonna go out, go see Jacob. He was really worried about you.”

“I will.”

(Y/N) kissed her mother’s cheek and grabbed her bag to head out. Her first stop was to the Black residence. Jacob saw her coming down the street and ran out to wrap her in a hug. When she collapsed last week, he had been very concerned when she collapsed in his garage. Jacob was glad that she had made a full recovery and was now back home, with minimum side effects showing. The visit was short, only a quick hello to ensure the boy that she was okay.

After spending some time with Jacob, she walked towards Sam’s house – she hoped to catch Paul there too since she had heard he now spent his time there alongside Jared Cameron. It hadn’t clicked in her head why Paul would ever hang out with her brother and Jared. Even when they were back in middle school, he never paid them any mind, having a separate friend group. She had only become his friend by spending time with him away from school, and her brother had always disliked them together, claiming he was a bad influence.

Outside of the small house, (Y/N) could hear the low chatter of manly voices, a higher-pitched one joining after. There was no mistaking that Sam was home. She started feeling nervous as she raised her hand to knock on the door. The shaky limb was able to make contact with the blue door twice before it opened wide open, revealing a shirtless Paul Lahote.

“(Y/N)?” He questioned. Paul knew she was back, but Sam had given him clear instructions to stay away from her due to their situation.

“Hey, Paul. Long time no see, huh?” The girl smiled at her friend that now towered over her. A few years ago, they were still of the same stature, but too much time had passed since then. She went in for a hug, and Paul cut it short – worried she might note his burning temperature. “Is Sam home?”

“Uh, yeah.” He scratched the back of his neck, turning towards the kitchen. “Sam! (Y/N)’s here.”

The older male appeared in front of them, a soft smile playing on his lips. “Hey, (Y/N). Good to see you’re doing better. What brings you around?”

“I just wanted to thank you both for what you did in my room. Mom told me you worked on it while we were away. It’s a dream.” Sam smiled at his younger sister and shared a hug with the smaller girl.

“I’m glad you liked it, (Y/N). We wanted to give you a place where you could rest better after the accident. It’s the least we could do.” The alpha could hear the duo that was left in the kitchen had grown curious about who was at the door. “Do you want to come in for a bit?”

“Are you really inviting me in?” (Y/N) was taken aback – the last thing she thought was that she would get that invitation.

“Yeah, there’s someone I want you to meet,” Sam responded, keeping his doubts of the encounter to himself.

(Y/N) walked through the threshold and instantly felt the warm aura that emanated from inside of the house. It was a welcoming environment that she had grown to love from her own mother’s house. She walked behind Sam, Paul following behind them. `There was nothing that could prepare her to the sight she was met with.

In front of her stood a beautiful woman. She had tan skin, long black hair, and a beautiful smile. But there was something that stood out to her, something she was sure stood out to everyone – three long gashes ran through the front of her face. Yet, they didn’t distract from the alluring atmosphere that surrounded her. Sam moved to her side, and (Y/N) quickly connected the dots and figured that was Emily Young. The Uley girl wanted to be indifferent to her presence, knowing how one of her friends had been hurt by the union in front of her, she couldn’t help but note the love that radiated from the pair. It had been a long time since she had seen her brother as happy as he looked as he stared at his fiancé.

“(Y/N), it’s an honor to finally meet you.” Emily stretched out her hand towards the girl, which (Y/N) gladly took. “Sam has told me so much about you.”

“I wish I could say the same,” (Y/N) joked. “Hopefully, we’ll have a chance to get to know each other more. I’d love to get to know the woman my brother is set to marry.”

“I’m sure we’ll have enough time now that you’re back.” Emily smiled and grabbed a basket filled with muffins, offering them to the girl. (Y/N) gladly took the baked good in her hand, picking at it and placing the piece in her mouth – a wonderful taste that quickly melted in her mouth. “You’re welcome over any time. Any family of Sam is family to me.”

“Thank you, Emily. I’ll be sure to take you up on that.”

Not much time passed before Sam had cut the meeting short, claiming there was something important the duo had to do. “We should do this another time, (Y/N). Paul and I have to go.”

“Go where?” (Y/N) questioned. “It’s already night, not much to do.”

“I can’t really tell you, sis. But it’s important.”

“So still guarding secrets?” Sam shrugged. “It’s fine, Sam. I’m growing used to it.”

“(Y/N)…”

“I can take a hint, Sam. I know when I’m not wanted,” (Y/N) smiled. “Thank you for the muffins, Emily. They were divine. I’ll be sure to take you up on that offer and visit sometime soon.”

“Of course, (Y/N). I’m sorry we had to cut this short.”

“It’s okay. I’ll see you guys.” (Y/N) took her bag and exited the house. She was confused on why Sam had welcomed her in only to have her leave soon after – there was something big he was hiding, and she needed to find out what it was.

“(Y/N), wait up!” Paul jogged up to her, turning her around. “Look, I hope you understand that we’re not trying to push you away on purpose. There are things that Sam is protecting you from.”

“Like what, Paul? What danger could possibly be surrounding us that he would stray from his family?”

“I’m sorry, but it’s not my place to tell you, (Y/N). As much as I hate keeping this from you, Sam would not allow it to come from anyone but himself.”

“Are you serious? What kind of power does he have over you?”

“PAUL!” Sam shouted, gaining the attention of his beta. “Let’s go.”

“I’m sorry, (Y/N). I hope one day you’ll forgive us.” Paul kissed her forehead and went to meet up with his alpha.

(Y/N) stood still as she watched their bodies disappear into the woods. She debated whether to follow them for a brief second, but she was exhausted. She left back home with a million questions running through her head. The pair of Sam and Paul was a strange view, and she was determined to get to the bottom of things.

When she got home, (Y/N) noticed her mother asleep on the couch, the tv in front of her still playing. The years that passed were clear on her face, the worry that she carried for both her children plastered in the lines of her face. She could see the exhaustion that she held, years of caring for two kids by herself taking a toll on her. (Y/N) grabbed a blanket and laid it on top of her mother’s body, making sure that she was warm during the night. She left a kiss on her cheek, thankful for everything her mother had sacrificed for her.

After showering the day off, (Y/N) changed into her pajamas and laid in bed staring at her phone’s screen. She thought if she stared at it long enough a message would magically pop up. Minutes passed and her phone kept silent, not a single notification appearing on the screen. She scrolled through her directory until it landed on the newest listing. Carlisle Cullen, it read. Her finger clicked on it and selected new message.

Her fingers danced atop the keyboard of her phone, no words coming to her mind to send to the doctor. Should she even send him a message? What if he truly was married? She would never want to come between a couple. But her fingers did not follow her thought train. Unconsciously, they started typing away a message and before she could analyze her actions, she sent the message.

Hi, Carlisle. It’s (Y/N). I made it home okay and don’t have any symptoms, seems like you fixed me up! Anyways, wanted to know if you possibly had some free time this weekend to join me for some dinner at La Bella Italia. Hope you had a good rest of the day at work!

Her jaw fell when her screen read message sent. There was no way to delete it now. It was out there, and it would make its way to his phone. (Y/N)’s head fell onto her pillow and muffled a scream that escaped from her throat. This feeling was alien to her, and she was learning what steps to take to grow closer to the astonishing man. Minutes felt like an eternity to (Y/N), thinking that she had imploded the friendship she had built with the man over the past week.

Beep.

The sound from her phone caught her attention. She scrambled for her phone and quietly shrieked at the words on her screen.

Hello, (Y/N). I’m glad you’re feeling better, hopefully, no symptoms will arise once more. And I did have a good day at work, although I missed our afternoon book chats. I have a free day on Sunday. Tell me a time and I can meet you in Port Angeles. Hope that day is good for you.

“He said yes. If he were actually married, he wouldn’t have said yes,” she thought.

So, she typed back.

I’m glad you had a good day, and the book chats have an easy fix. I’m just a phone call away. As for Sunday, it’s a perfect day. I think around 5:30 would be a good time for dinner. Let me know if it works.

Sent.

Seconds later, another beep.

I’ll make sure to schedule those calls then. 5:30 sounds perfect. I’ll see you there. Have a good night, (Y/N).

See you then, Carlisle. Good night. 😊

(Y/N) smiled at her phone, joy wanting to burst from her body. She was reveling in this new feeling and the happiness it brought her. If it was Carlisle, it was worth it, she believed.

That night she went to sleep with the biggest smile she had experienced in her life. Unbeknownst to the life-changing moments that were to follow this meeting.

Tag List: @daniallh @catchmeupimgettingoutofhere @imaginetwilight2704 @jessicas-undrground @hey-you-therexo @mauvette268 @mxyee @beefwhobarksandisalilmadalot

[writerthreads]

How to write strong, likeable protagonists

by Writerthreads on Instagram

Likeable protagonists are what makes readers keep reading. The best ones are relatable, realistic, and can be empathised with. So many of them are unique, compelling and likeable, but a small minority are all based on the same (slightly unlikable) personality traits. In this post, I highlight these traits seen in so many YA books and why readers might not be able to like or be able to identify with these characters.

Flawlessness

There are more and more protagonists who seem to be perfect human beings incapable of making mistakes. This results in little to no character growth throughout the story, and no internal conflict can be seen, let alone become resolved. A good character should have both strengths and flaws, and this applies to all characters.

Like all humans, characters should have flaws to make them appear more realistic. The characters' 'strength' is expressed by their ability to improve and change. If protagonists never make mistakes and are shown as role models, then younger readers will never understand how powerful it is to fall down and get back up.

Stubbornness

This is a trait often associated with mental strength, but more often than not, even though characters are stubborn and stand their own ground, they are unwilling to listen to, let alone accept other points of view. Although some people see this as a positive personality trait these kinds of people are often hard to be liked.

My opinion is that writers are now showing stubbornness as a good thing, making their protagonists annoying personalities who always need to get what they want. This is not an issue if the character gradually changes over time and gets better, or why they are like this is explained.

Overt brattiness and negativity

One of the reasons why Bella from Twilight was so hated by some readers was because she complained so much at the beginning of the first book. She moved from Arizona to the middle of nowhere and complained about the weather and the views instead of voicing real problems. Instead of making readers sympathise with Bella, Stephanie Meyer ended up making the protagonist seem petty and moany. Instead, Meyer could've made Bella struggle with bigger problems (pre-vampire stuff) so readers would like her more.

If the character's negative viewpoint stems from something such as depression or a traumatic event in the past, this should be explained. This allows readers to understand the character even more or have some sympathy for them.

Their problems could've been solved easily, or their problems were solved too easily

You might think that I'm being judgy here, but hear me out. The reason why Harry Potter worked was that to defeat Voldemort, the characters faced so many problems, as well as problems that came from the original problems. Everything couldn't be solved with a simple wave of a wand. The characters experienced so many problems and major fallbacks that the ultimate ending was rewarding to the readers.

Yet, if Voldemort died at the end of book one and everybody lived happily ever after without the deaths of important characters in between, [spoilers] for example Sirius and Fred, defeating Voldemort would be less cathartic. All the effort took to reach the final ending was minimal, and the problem was solved so easily with no sacrifice at all.

You may agree with all of these tips or none of them, but I hope you've found this post useful! Whatever you do, make sure you're writing for yourself, and write protagonists you actually like. Don't forget that writing should always be fun :)

[axoxtxhxh]

Promise Me - Chapter 6 - Party

ArminxFem!Reader Summary: It’s Francisco’s birthday and he planned a huge party with all of his friends, Armin and Reader included. With the slight courage of alcohol, Armin doesn’t want to waste another chance at telling Reader how he feels. Song: Shakira – Try Anything (when they are dancing) Content: Thigh riding, somnophilia (it’s literally a kiss, but I want to make sure you’re warned also that might make it slightly dubcon/noncon?) Word Count: ~ 4,700

A/N: I know I’ve shared this before but I am sharing it again because I Stephanie Meyer-ed this for real. When I first thought of this story, THIS was the chapter I came up with. I sat there thinking ‘how can I get there?’ And that’s basically where this entire fanfiction started. So please enjoy this chapter and know that I have been sitting here waiting to share it with you guys for so long ❤

As always, feedback is very appreciated.

The music was starting up and Armin quickly grabbed your hand. You gulped down your drink as he pulled you next to him and lined up with the rest of the dancers. Francisco had been planning this party for weeks and now it was time to celebrate.

There were tables and tables of different foods and different kinds of alcohol all laid out for everyone to enjoy. Francisco had somehow gotten a full band to come in and play music while the entire backyard was transformed to hold a dance floor as well as tables for people to sit and relax.

You and Armin both stood on the dance floor. Everyone was forming a wide circle and those that didn’t fit in the bigger circle, made smaller ones with their small group around the edges of the dance floor. Armin looked so excited, but you had no idea what you guys were doing.

“Armin, do you know how to do this dance?” You looked around at everyone getting ready. “This looks like it’s choreographed.”

Before he could answer, the dance started and everyone was moving. From what you could tell, it was a fast-paced dance, not lucky for someone as uncoordinated as you when it came to this. You tried to copy everyone. It looked like a lot of hopping and alternating which foot gets tapped forward. You watched Armin who knew every step perfectly. You stood with your eyes wide as you watched him, a huge smile on his face.

“How do you know the steps?” You were shocked.

“Francisco taught me today.” He laughed happily and you couldn’t resist smiling along with him. “I’ll show you.”

You watched them and Armin waited for the beginning of the sequence to start instructing.

“You’re going to start with two taps on your left leg, but hop with it. Then two taps with your right leg.” He nodded along as you attempted what he explained. “Like that! After three times each leg, switch to one tap and move to the center of the circle. Come on.”

He pulled you along as you still fumbled with the steps. Luckily, it was a lot of repetition and by the third round, you nearly had it. You were nowhere near as good as Armin. He was flying across the floor, his steps perfectly on beat and following with the other dancers in the circle.

“Spin with me.” You heard him say and looked up.

The step you were prepared for switched and instead you were spinning with Armin, still tapping your legs. You felt like an idiot and you knew you looked terrible trying to move along with everyone else, but you couldn’t help but enjoy yourself because of the enormous, genuine smile on Armin’s face. The unquestionable happiness he was showing right now was worth any embarrassment to you. You both went back to tapping your legs with the bigger circle.

“You got it!” Armin’s encouragement was the cutest thing to you at this point and you couldn’t seem to get yourself to stop watching him. His blonde hair bouncing as he hopped with the steps, a small glisten on his nose and cheeks as he started sweating.

You squeezed his hand a little tighter and you noticed how everyone was holding hands, but yours and Armin’s were the only ones where your fingers were interlocked.

“Okay, this next time we’re going to spin again, but I’m going to carry you.” He warned.

“You’re what?” You turned to see all the women jumping into the arms of the men with were partnered with, wrapping their legs around the men’s waists. The men started spinning with the women and you just looked at Armin.

“There’s no way.” Your eyes were wide. You were significantly heavier than Armin was. Between the extra three inches you had over his height and the extra muscle you carried, there was no way he was lifting you up.

You stared at him apprehensively and the smile he wore all night so far disappeared. Everyone around you already moved back to the circle part of the dance.

“We can get it next time.” He smiled lightly and you tried to smile back, but you couldn’t help that feeling that you ruined the dance for him a little.

It was quick coming back around and you could feel Armin’s light squeeze of your hand to prepare you.

“Ready?” He asked.

Everyone started separating, preparing for the jump. You turned to Armin the smile back on his face. You were ready to just pick him up and switch the roles, just so he could get to do the dance, but the look in his eyes made you stop.

“Trust me.” He spoke quietly, his arms open wide. You had no idea why you trusted him, but you did and you jumped up into his arms and he caught you, spinning you around just like the other women. You wrapped your arms around his neck to hold on and you were both laughing, Armin spinning you even quicker.

The dance ended and everyone slowly separated, but you and Armin stayed together. He held you tighter in his arms and you rested your forehead against his, both of you breathing heavily.

Armin was trying his best not to think about the position you both were in, how your face was so close to his, your thighs squeezing his waist, the way his hands were placed on your hips. It was not unlike they were in a dream he’d had, and continued having over the last several weeks.

He lifted you up a little to get a better grip on how he was holding you and you opened your eyes. He was looking at you, the smile on his face fading as his eyes dropped down to your mouth and you watched as he licked his lips.

“Wow, I’m thirsty.” You leaned back a little and Armin set you down, awkwardly looking at the floor shortly before following you to get some water.

You poured a glass of wine for yourself, not the best choice, but you needed to calm yourself down. Armin came up from behind you, standing next to you, very closely next to you. You looked over to him as he picked up a piece of cheese and ate it.

You noticed how much bigger he’d gotten. He had built up quite a bit more muscle through all the work you both had been doing on the vineyard which now explains how he was easily able to carry you for that dance. More than that though, he looked taller. You weren’t looking down as much as you used to. In fact, you were almost looking up.

You looked down at his shoes, thinking maybe he was getting some height from that. They were the same shoes he always wore. He noticed you looking at him and turned to you, confused and smiling.

“What?” He ate another piece of cheese.

“Are you taller?” You looked at his feet again and back up at his head. He looked down at you, a smile growing slowly on his face as he realized it too.

“I think so.” He was beaming at you and it made you smile.

“I think you might be taller than me now.” He let his hand brush against yours. And you turned to look at the food, picking up a plate for yourself. “It must be from all the work on the vineyard you’ve been doing. Or maybe all that cheese you eat.”

Armin kept his eyes on you, watching as you picked up some food from the table. He was taller than you now. Barely, but he was. It never bothered him being shorter than you, but one less factor in you looking at him like he was a child had him smiling even wider. He lightly grasped your hand, feeling the warmth of your palm as he interlocked your fingers. You quickly looked up at him and then down at your hands.

“Thank you for dancing with me,” he said before the music started up again. He continued looking at you. He wanted to lean in and kiss you, at the very least give you a hug, but the look on your face made him realize that you would probably freak out so instead he just looked at you and smiled.

“Armin!” A voice called and you both turned to see Genesis, Francisco’s friend’s daughter, approaching. She definitely had a thing for Armin and you used the opportunity to drop his hand and take your plate with you to the other side of the dance floor to sit at a table with Francisco and Ernesto.

…..

You were having so much fun, but you drank way too much. You were pretty familiar with drinking. A lot of the section commanders liked to sit in Erwin’s office most nights, drinking and laughing and a lot of the time, you all would end up drinking too much and have to get to bed. Even after Erwin and the other’s passed on, You, Hange, and Levi would still relax together after a long day.

This reason is exactly how you knew you had too much. It’s not like the room was spinning and you couldn’t walk, but you never made the best decisions in this state.

You saw Armin back over by the food, picking up certain things he liked and putting them on his plate. He really did look much bigger, he still managed to look lanky with his thin frame, but he was definitely bigger. No matter how he looked though, he always impressed you by knowing how to dress himself and sometimes, especially when he wore his brown pants with his white button-down tucked in so securely like he was now, you struggled to fight the urge to untuck his shirt and run your hands up his body. You mentally slapped yourself in the face for that thought. You crossed over the dance floor, making your way over to him.

“I think I need to call it a night.” You noticed a piece of cheese on his plate and picked it up, popping it in your mouth.

“I’ll walk back to the barn with you.” He set his plate down on the table.

“No, stay.” You put your hand on his arm. “I don’t want you to miss out because of me.”

“I’m getting tired too.” He put his arm on you. “I only stayed because you stayed.”

“Okay then, let’s go.” You smiled, stupidly drunk. Armin’s smile back gave you a light fluttering in your stomach.

You leaned into him as you walked, wrapping your arm around his waist while his laid over your shoulder. He was also drinking, but definitely not as much as you were.

You both reached the barn and he let you rest against the wall while he pulled open the door and flicked on the lights.

“I should not have let myself drink so much.” You held your head and moved to the stairs, trying not to fall.

“You were just having fun.” Armin helped you balance from behind, his hands on your waist. You could feel the warmth of them running up your back. “They really do know how to throw a party. I couldn’t stop eating.”

“I saw you eating all that cheese.” You laughed.

“I think I had like four pounds of it.” He patted his stomach. You reached the top of the steps and made your way to where you both slept, opening the window to let some light in. “I’ll go back and turn off the lights. You can change.”

He made his way back down the steps and you took off your shirt and pants, looking around for your pajamas before putting them on and laying down.

Armin was back, feeling around in the darkness for his pajamas and changing into them. He lifted up the covers and climbed in, his warm chest hitting your back before his arm wrapped around your waist. It wasn’t often that Armin was the big spoon, not since your nightmares stopped. You felt that he needed to be protected and safe so you preferred him to be the small spoon, but the last month or so changed that and you often found yourself sinking back into him when you slept, searching for the comfort of his arm around your waist and his breath hitting your neck. The switch didn’t seem to bother Armin at all. Even more, he seemed to prefer it. You turned around to face him, suddenly unable to sleep.

“I saw you talking with Francisco’s friend’s daughter.” You smiled. “She seemed like she liked talking with you.”

“She was okay. We don’t really have much in common.” He pulled a leaf from your hair and shrugged.

“Do you like her though?” You crossed your arms at the cool breeze that came through the window. Armin noticed and pulled you a little closer.

“I don’t think so.” He laughed, shyly.

“Come on, she’s pretty and nice.” You nudged him. “And it seems like she likes you.”

He opened his mouth to talk, but didn’t really know what to say. He didn’t know how to tell you that he didn’t like Genesis, or anyone else for that matter, because he was interested in you. It seemed that any attempt he made at getting closer to you was completely ignored by you. Francisco saw it, Ernesto saw it, he was even sure that Genesis saw it, but never you. The only time he could do anything without you pushing him away was before bed, when you accepted his cuddling. A blush started reaching his cheeks and you continued bothering him about her.

“You should take her to that beach spot you like. I bet she’d like it.”

“I don’t want to go with her. I’ve been asking you to go there with me.” He looked down. That may not have been a big enough hint to you about his feelings, but he felt like he just completely exposed himself to you.

“Me? You should take someone you like though.”

Armin smiled, unable to look in your eyes as the blush on his cheeks deepened.

“That’s why… that’s why I want to go with you.” Even after he said it, he felt like he wanted to die. It was so cringey and he hated the way it sounded. Every single hint he had given you up to this point went completely over your head. He was actually hoping that maybe this one would too.

“Armin…” Your mind was clouded. You were trying so hard to focus, but the alcohol was making it so difficult. “Armin, are you saying… so the other day…”

He finally brought his eyes up to meet yours. He looked worried and slightly relieved while also extremely hesitant. You were finally understanding him, finally really hearing what he was saying and this wasn’t a chance he wanted to miss.

“Y/N… I… I like…” You put a hand on his cheek and he closed his eyes, leaning into your touch and you watched him breathe in quickly. You moved yourself forward, getting closer to him. The movement cause him to open his eyes and he watched your face move closer to his, a look of astonishment flashing over his features. He timidly followed your lead and moved his face closer to yours. Only a couple inches away, you looked down at his lips.

Armin couldn’t believe what was happening. He was about to kiss you. A real kiss. Not like the unpleasantly quick one before, but a real one and one that you were initiating. His heart felt like it was going to fly away, his stomach doing flips. He could feel the anticipation throughout his whole body as you both leaned in closer and closer. Once he could smell the alcohol on your breath, he closed his eyes and your lips gently touched his.

You lightly pushed your lips against his, moving them a little as Armin got comfortable. His hand was on your waist now and pulling you closer to his body. You couldn’t really tell what you were feeling, but his lips were so yielding and careful and something about how cautious he was being set off a fire inside of you.

You moved your hand to his waist and rolled on top of him, letting your tongue tickle his lips. He held your hips and helped you on top of him where you straddled his leg. Without thinking you dropped your hips a little lower, feeling Armin’s thigh set against your clothed core.

God, how long had it been since you’ve felt anything there? The warm touch his thigh was providing was more than enough to get you off and you weren’t in any condition to be thinking about the why’s or why not’s. You hummed into his mouth, letting yourself grind against him lightly.

Armin was breathing heavily, puffs of air coming from his nose and hitting your cheek. The kiss had become much deeper, open mouths and tongues colliding as his hands roamed your body. You felt just like he thought you would, but better. Your skin was warmer and softer, the fleshiness of your hips had him wanting to grip it even tighter.

You sat up, needing more friction against his thigh and Armin quickly followed you, his lips reattaching to yours. His hands moved, one still on your hip to support your grinding and the other on your jaw, pulling your face to his.

It was at this point that you managed to completely build your orgasm to the level of releasing. You moaned into Armin’s mouth and pulled away, your head dropping back as you focused on your movements. He concentrated his lips on your neck, loving the sounds you were making. You were whining now. Loud, breathy, high-pitched whines that sent heat flowing through Armin’s body and pulsing through his growing erection.

“Armin,” you moaned, “you feel so good.”

Hearing you say his name had him clenching his jaw as he pulled his mouth from your collarbone. He rested his forehead against your chest trying so hard not to come in his pants.

“You’re amazing,” he whispered, pulling back to look at you. “So amazing.”

Your eyes were barely open as you moaned, biting your lip each time one tried to escape. Your hands were on Armin’s shoulder’s for balance and you felt that tight coil in your stomach nearly ready to pop.

He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to be doing something for you in the moment, the book he read not having this position in it, but he could tell you were enjoying it and that was all that mattered to him. He kept his hand on your hip and used his other hand to smooth your hair out of your face. His eyes travelled over your body, watching the way your hips glided back and forth over his thigh. He could feel your wetness soaking through to his thigh and he groaned, swallowing hard as he felt himself starting to soak the front of his own pants.

You ground down harder, finally feeling the knot in your stomach snap and that familiar feeling you haven’t felt in so long run through your veins. Your body tensed up and took over your movements, grinding roughly over Armin’s thigh. You were trembling, hips juddering forward as you tried to moan, but were left silently gasping. Tiny whines made it out until you were panting, slowing the movement of your hips.

Armin just stared at you, completely unbelieving in what just happened. You just orgasmed. You felt pleasure because of him. Maybe it wasn’t directly from him, but you came because of his thigh. The urge to give you more flooded his system. He wanted to give you everything he had just so you could feel it again.

“Wow…” he breathed, bringing his lips to yours in a quick kiss before your head rested on his shoulder and his arms moved to support your body.

Your post orgasm clarity hit shortly after that. Eyes widening when you realized what you just did.

“Oh God… Armin, I’m so sorry.” You backed up, trying to stand up. “Shit! What the hell am I doing?”

“No, no.” Armin tried to stop you from leaving. “I liked—please, you looked so beautiful. Please don’t leave. Y/N!”

You ran down the steps and outside the barn, needing the fresh air from outside to clear your mind.

You were leaning against the side of the barn, trying to take deep breaths. How could you let yourself do that to him? You were supposed to be taking care of him, protecting him and just a few months without sexual gratification had you drunk riding his thigh. You messed up. Fuck. He had even tried confessing to you right before. You felt like a terrible person. He was still so young, so innocent and now you’ve…

“Damn it!” You rested your head against the wall trying to get yourself to take deep breaths.

Armin laid back down, covering his face as the pool of hot tears in the corners of his eyes threatened to spill over. Did I mess up? He thought. Was I forcing her? Did I touch her too much? Not enough? Was I supposed to be doing something I wasn’t? All the questions were running through his head, but he had no idea what he did wrong.

It took you about an hour to feel comfortable enough to head back upstairs. Armin was most likely asleep at that point and you could lay down and hopefully forget this happened. You made your way back up the stairs and to where you slept. You could see his slim figure laying down under the covers. You moved slowly, trying to quietly lay down and not wake him up.

Armin watched you come up the stairs and lay down, worrying your relationship was ruined now because of him.

You woke up a little while later to laughing outside. The party must have still been going on, people taking breaks from the music to talk quietly near the barn. You could see the moon through the window now, a perfect crescent shining its light onto you and Armin.

At that moment you realized Armin had moved himself closer to you, his chest against your back and he had his arm around your waist. This happened a lot while you both slept, one slowly moving closer, searching for the comfort and warmth of the other.

You could feel his breath hitting your shoulder. Slow, rhythmic puffs of hot air hitting your skin and making you smile. You thought about what happened earlier—No, what you did earlier. You hated yourself for it. Armin was so caring, so pure, so good. You hated that you could be any part of the thing that took that away from him.

You thought about how cute he looked eating all that cheese at the party and smiled again to yourself. Your heart started fluttering thinking about him smiling when he was dancing with you. His happiness and joy were just so genuine you would honestly do anything to see him that way all the time.

You turned your head slowly to look at him, your body following until you were facing him completely. He always had this little pout when he slept, his bottom lip sticking out slightly further than his upper lip, it never failed to make you smile. God, you’re like a literal angel.

As much as you fought it, as much as you hated yourself for what you did earlier, as much as you knew you shouldn’t, none of that stopped you from lifting your head and gently kissing his lips.

You waited a little, making sure he didn’t wake up. After a couple more minutes of watching him sleep, you tucked yourself under his chin, pulling his body closer and going back to sleep.

The next morning, which was actually the afternoon, when you woke up, sitting in front of you was a glass of water and some medicine. You were thankful that Armin realized how dumb you were to drink so much and prepared for when you woke up.

You got dressed and made your way to the house. You could see Francisco sitting in his chair at the kitchen table through the window before you walked in.

“Good morning, Francisco.” You closed the door behind you and wiped off your shoes.

“Ah, good morning, Y/N.” He sipped his coffee and turned the page of the newspaper. “Did you enjoy yourself at the party last night?”

“Honestly, I think maybe a little too much.” You laughed and grabbed a plate to serve yourself some breakfast. “Thanks again for inviting us.”

“No need to thank me. You guys are my friends.”

“Well, we’re your employees first.” You scooped some eggs onto your plate and grabbed a piece of toast.

“You’re my friends first.” He put the newspaper down as you sat and took a sip of his coffee.

“Do you know where Armin is?” You ask, quickly eating your breakfast.

“He finished his work early and said he was going to the beach.” He interlocked his fingers together and looked over at you. “Did something happen between you two?”

“No, why would you say that?”

“No reason.” He smiled, going back to his newspaper. You took your last bite of food and moved your plate to the sink and washed it.

“I’m going to finish my work so I can meet him.” You walked to the door.

“He already did yours too.” You turned around and saw Francisco looking at you over his glasses. “Are you going to stick with the nothing-happened-between-us-last-night story?”

“Maybe I’ll just make some sandwiches and take them to him.” You moved to the refrigerator and Francisco laughed, going back to his newspaper.

You knew exactly which beach Armin had been wanting to go to, he had been asking you to go for weeks, each time telling you new facts he had learned about it. The most recent time he asked was last night. You thought about what happened last night between the two of you and you sighed.

The alcohol clouded a lot of what was happening and now that you were sober, it was all coming back to you, hurting even worse than it did last night. You were reminded of Armin’s confession and rubbed your forehead roughly. He was so good—too good and you honestly didn’t deserve him. The sounds of Armin crying out for you not to leave were echoing in your head and you squeezed your eyes shut and hit the palm of your hand on your forehead with the hope of blocking it out. Ugh! Why did I do that?

With any luck, Armin will be as good of a person as you know he is and he will forgive you for how stupid you were. That was the most likely scenario. However, you knew he could hold a grudge. When you first moved into the barn, you had finished the last couple bites of Armin’s cheese while he was in the bathroom and he didn’t talk to you for two days. You even had to buy him more before he forgave you. You laughed to yourself at the memory and quickly grimaced, sulking again. This wasn’t cheese. This was a lot bigger than cheese.

You took a deep breath as you got closer to the beach, readying yourself for the conversation you were going to have to have with him. Or worse, preparing for how you were going to survive without Armin talking to you.

As soon as you got there, you could see his little blonde head sitting on a rock near the water. You watched as his soft hair was blown every which way from the sea breeze. You smiled to yourself, enjoying this last moment of looking at him without him knowing you were there before you made your way over.

taglist: @harshita-nara​

[headinthestaticsky]

Sanctuary with the Enthralling Moon: Jasper Hale x Fleur Swan, Chapter 4

Authors notes: I think this is my least favorite chapter I have wrote... but, I hope you guys like it anyway.

All rights go to Stephanie Meyer, none of the characters in Twilight are mine.

“Stay afloat When it feels like it's all going nowhere And you wanna know But the tide keeps trying to pull you under Let it go You can't fight the waves, boy, it's no wonder If you wanna grow Don't fight what's natural.”

Rush by, Kali Uchis

POV: Back to Fleurs.

Today I had woken up on my own and according to my alarm clock, it was already the afternoon. I stumbled down the stairs, almost running into a wall before making my way to the kitchen. I put my head on the table, trying wake myself up. It was crazy how fast the months had gone by. November and December came by in a flash and Leah and I had been hanging out more. I had almost dosed off in the kitchen when I heard my dad speak.

 “Hey Petal, Sam called... he wanted to see you today.”

“Sam? I didn’t except him to want to see me.”

“He was asking for you.”

“Okay, I’ll head down there now.”

I felt nervous on my way down there, I wondered why Sam was wanting to see me, why Bella was all of the sudden going down there. I stopped the car and sat there for a moment, collecting my nerves and unanswered questions and putting them in the back of my mind. When I got out I saw Sam, he looked pretty different from last year. His hair was cut short, he was way more buff, and he had a tattoo.

“Hey Fleur.”

“Sam.”

I sighed and then started walking toward the beach, Sam was trailing behind me.

“So... Jacob and Bella huh?” Sam started.

“What do you mean?”

“You haven’t heard anything about it?”

“No, Bella hasn’t had a civil conversation with me for a solid 5 months.”

“Oh... they’re apparently building dirt bikes down at Billy’s.”

“... She’s trying to kill herself... she won’t make it 5 inches without getting into some kind of accident.”

“Yeah...”

“Look... why did you call me? We haven’t talked for an entire year.”

“ I know you saw Leah yesterday, what did she say to you?.”

“We caught up, and then she told me what happened between you two. Why would you do that to her?”

“Do what?”

“Uh, break up with her after 3 years to then date and get engaged to her cousin? Someone who she was extremely close to mind you.”

“I wish I could tell you Fleur, but it’s complicated.”

“It seems to be all you do lately... You never explained to me why you didn’t want me to date Jasper so bad.”

“Because he’s a...”

“A what? Besides, I’m still dating him... I lived.”

“Of course you’re still with him. Your brain must’ve gotten fried back in Arizona.”

“Hey, don’t you dare insult my intelligence! What is with you? Why are you such a DICK all the time! Besides this isn’t about my relationship, this is about yours!”

“Don’t call me that Fleur.”

“Don’t insult me.”

“Hey, what’s going on down here?”

“Paul, stay out of this!”

“I’ll tell you whats going on, your friend here is being a complete dick!”

“Aww, did he hurt your feelings?” Paul said mockingly.

“Calling someone stupid tends to piss them off.”

“Well you don’t exactly look the intelligent type.”

I whipped my hand back and smacked him, He turned his head back around and started panting heavily. His face was red with anger and rage.

“Fleur... get back. Paul calm down.” Sam said

I slowly took a few steps back. All of the sudden Paul morphed into a wolf, I was frozen in my spot. Paul then took off, away from the beach.

“Sam... saying you turn into a wolf is not complicated... it’s pretty freaking clear. “hey Fleur... I turn into a giant ass werewolf.

“Come on, let’s head back to the house.”

“I would go with you... but I can’t move.”

Sam sighed before picking me up, he started running back down to the house.

“So... I’m going to assume being a werewolf has something to do with what happened Leah huh?”

“Yeah, it does...you see us werewolves have the ability to imprint on someone. This person could be a lover or just have a brother/sister relationship. We’re a protector to that person we imprint on.”

“So you imprinted on Emily...”

“Yeah, the second I locked eyes with her... I couldn’t stop myself from imprinting, it was as if someone else had over taken my body.”

“I get it now, you don’t really have a choice as to who it is, it chooses you.”

“Exactly.”

“Now that I got that part of the context clues it makes you seem way less of a dick...I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“So... if your tribes legend is right, you know that the Cullens are vampires.”

“Yeah we do.”

“Listen, the Cullens are not bad people, they don’t even go after humans.”

“They’re still a bunch of leeches.”

“You need to have some faith in me here Sam. Jasper’s amazing, he would do anything for me. I would do anything for him... we protect each other. Even though, he does a lot more of the protecting than me.”

He sighed

“Okay, okay... I’ll trust him...  but that’s about as far as I will go on that.”

“It’s progress...”

Timeskip: A week later

It seems I was always going down to the reservation anymore after meeting Emily and having the whole imprinting thing cleaned up I was hanging around Sam a lot more. Today I was going to visit Billy and Jacob. I wanted to see if those rumors on the dirt bikes were true. Bella still wasn’t talking to me so... I would have to figure it out myself. When I got there I started walking toward an old red shed, I knocked on it, waiting for someone to answer.

“Come in!”

“Hey Jake, it’s been a while!”

“Fleur!” He ran toward me and spun me around in a hug.

“So are the rumors true? Where are the dirt bikes?”

“Yeah...what are you doing here Fleur.” Bellas voice had jumped in, venom leaked out of it.

“You haven’t talked to me in 3 months Bella. When I hear that you’re somewhere I have to investigate it... Me seeing you is a rare phenomena, it’s like it happens every 100 years.”

“Well you saw me, you can leave now.”

“Make me leave.”

“Okay you two, cool it. You can come with us if you want  We plan on riding the bikes down by the beach.”

“Oh...”

“No... she will not come with us.” Bella interrupted

“No don’t worry about it... I was going down to Sam’s I thought I would stop by on the way.”

Bella scoffed.

“Of course you’d hang out with Sam, Jake has told me about him, I heard he tries to influence people too.”

“Are you trying to insinuate that I made the Cullens leave, again?”

“Glad to know your brain still works.”

“I’m not starting this with you Bella, you’re not worth it I need to go, Emily is excepting me soon. It was nice to see you again Jake.” 

“Yeah, I’ll see you around.” Jake looked between us... he looked trapped, caught in the middle of our childish fight.

POV Change: Bella’s

“Can you believe her Jake? I know she’s just trying to get me in trouble with those bikes... she’s probably on her way home telling Dad right now.”

“What’s up with you and Fleur? I really don’t think she came here to find proof of you doing this just to tell your dad.”

“You don’t know her like I do, she’s a manipulator...”

“I’ve just never known Fleur to be like that...”

“You haven’t been around her long enough to know her like I do... Can we talk about something else please?”

“Sure... we need to go anyway.”

Timeskip: To Sam and Emily’s AND a POV Change: Back to Fleur

Emily was making food in the kitchen, she was excepting the rest of the pack to come over today so she had her hands full. I was peeling potatoes and carrots while talking to Emily. It was nice, it was like talking to an older sister.

“So you Bella aren’t doing so well?”

“No... it was so weird, we had been getting along a lot last year... Then all of sudden we got into a fight in Arizona and we haven’t been the same ever since...”

“I understand how you feel, It’s the same way with Leah and I. Ever since Sam and I got together... it just hasn’t been the same.”

“I might be able to help you out with this one... Let’s say that the situation with Sam was flipped. He was with you, vanished for a week, and then imprinted on Leah when he came back. It would be a lot to take in for someone... I don’t mean to make you sound like the bad guy but... if you put yourself in her shoes, you might understand her a bit better.”

“Yeah, you’re right... I couldn’t imagine how that must feel. But, what do I do?”

“Just give her sometime. I’m positive she’ll come around, the way she talks about you to me seems full of love. She just needs some time apart right now.”

‘Okay, that’s fair... I’ll give her some space... thanks Fleur.”

“No probl...”

“Fleur come quick! Bella hit her head she’s bleeding.” Jacob said, he was panting as he if he ran down here. His shirt was missing too.

“Damn it... I knew she shouldn’t of gotten on those bikes... She trips walking on a flat service with nothing in front of her.” 

I ran out of the house, Jake was running quickly behind me, I could see Bella leaning against her truck, holding Jake’s shirt on her head. 

“Do you need me to drive you to the hospital?” I asked.

Bella didn’t even look at me, her head was turned to the side.

“Look, you can still hold a grudge against me... we don’t have to talk the entire way. But you literally bleeding out of your head... you need patched up.”

Bella groaned in annoyance, before throwing me her keys. She opened the truck door and then slammed it shut.

“Thanks for tell me Jake, I better go,”

“No problem.”

We didn’t say one word to each other the entire trip to the hospital, nor did we talk the entire ride home. I of course, had to explain to dad why she had a patch on her head.

“She and Jake were walking on the beach, the sand was a bit too slippery and she fell and hit her head on a rock.”

A week had gone by, Bella was even more tense than usual. Jacob had stopped talking to her after an incident at the movie theater with her and Mike. At least, that’s what dad had told me. My dreams with Jasper were getting more real and intense. The last phone call I had with him seemed like the dreams were starting to get to them. 

Flashback to phone call.

“I saw you again, you were following me where ever I went, but you disappear before I can talk to you.”

“That’s so strange...”

“One day I’m going to call out for you, and you’re actually going to be there.”

“I hope so, I miss you so much.”

“I miss you too.”

Flashback over

“Petal, Harry and I are going on a fishing trip. Watch out for Bella, if she goes anywhere, follow her. I don’t know how she’s doing right now since Jake is talking to her... We don’t need another woods incident.”

“Sure, no problem.”

It seemed as soon as dad had left, Bella planned on leaving, I caught her before she could reach the door.

“Where are you going?”

“Does it matter?”

“No, I was just planning on going for a walk...I thought I would invite you to go with me.”

“Really? Where did you plan on walking then?”

“To the woods.” I lied on the spot

“Fine... I’ll go with you.”

We walked in the woods for a bit, the only sound I could hear was crunching underneath my feet.

“Do you know why Jake hasn’t talked to me?”

“No.” I half lied, I thought I knew what was happening...Billy had said Jacob had mono and he couldn’t even go outside. But, I thought he was changing, that he would become a werewolf soon. 

“Oh come on Fleur, I saw you two talking outside before you went to drive me to the hospital... You want me to be completely isolated from everyone.”

“Are... are you insane? Did that hit you took from the bike accident damage your brain somehow? All I did was thank him for bringing you back.”

“Whatever... this is all your fault!” Bella said, she then sprinted out in the woods, trying to lose me.”

“BELLA!” I yelled and began to chase after her. I found her quickly though, and I saw her hunched on the ground, picking at dead bits of grass. I heard rustling on the other side of the field. Bella heard it too and looked up, she then gasped.

“Laurent?” 

[taexual]

i’d love you to stay but that’s simply insane // JJK (4)

     jungkook is an uncontrollable lead vocalist of the campus band, and you’re a goal-oriented top student that’s known his rich and complicated family since childhood. you don’t want anything to do with each other, until each other is exactly what you want to do.

pairing: jeon jungkook x reader

genre: college au

warnings: this is mostly jk showing off what a shy tease he is, but with some angst at the end

words: 4.8k

       chapter four

Somehow, Jungkook had managed to keep his wits about him and completed the week without a single party – and without a single drop of alcohol! – so, naturally, by the time it was Friday, everyone was talking. Most people assumed that there was something wrong with him but a surprisingly large percentage of the students on campus seemed to understand his reasons – causing a car crash while under the influence was bound to make a person reconsider some of their life choices.

When your last class of the week, Macroeconomics, wrapped up on Friday afternoon, you were surprised to find Jungkook lingering by the door of the building. You weren’t sure if you were at that point in your friendship where you could just approach him and simply ask what was up or if you two still weren’t close enough for that but Jungkook noticed you and relieved you from making that difficult decision.

“Hey!” he walked over to you as soon as he saw you. “Wasn’t your class supposed to end fifteen minutes ago?”

You looked down at the clock on your phone. “Uh, yeah. The professor is—well, I’ve concluded that she can’t tell time.”

“Clearly,” he said. “I stayed back, thinking we could head home together.”

“Oh,” you said and then looked down, automatically mapping out the campus until you came to a conclusion that you and Jungkook could definitely walk in the same direction without it being weird, so, really, there was no reason for you to get excited about this. And yet your heart disagreed as it cheerfully tossed itself across your chest. “Sorry I made you wait, then. But you could have given me a heads-up. My Fridays don’t start until—”

“See you tonight, bro!” a guy walking past interrupted you as he punched Jungkook on the shoulder so unexpectedly that he nearly toppled over. Jungkook didn’t mind, though, and when you lifted your eyes, you saw a friendly smile on his face.

“Definitely!” he replied to the guy before redirecting his attention to you. “Sorry about that. You were saying?”

“Nothing,” you dismissed that as you two slowly walked out of the building and made your way home. “So, what’s tonight?”

You didn’t mean to pry but, after not hearing about any Parental Advisory parties from Inna, you had suspected that the band was going to take it easy this weekend – perhaps even give the not-so-legendary Brock a chance to host a second party, since his first one only seemed to do moderately well after Jungkook didn’t show up – but, clearly, you’d been wrong to assume that.

“Ah, there’s a party at our place,” Jungkook said and he seemed very uncomfortable admitting this so he tried to find a way to justify it, “it’s tradition, you know? We’re not performing this weekend because we didn’t get to practice as much – my bad, I suppose – but the party’s still on.”

“I see,” you said, not realizing how judgmental that sounded to him.

“Yeah, and it’s not like I can just not go because I live there,” he continued to explain himself, “it’d be weird if I stayed in my room the entire time and, now that I think about it, I probably couldn’t stay in my room anyway. The music would be too loud for me to do anything, so I’d have to—”

“Jungkook,” you turned to look at him and he finally stopped the nervous chatter, “you don’t have to swear off parties altogether. That wouldn’t be you.”

“Yeah, no, I know,” he scratched his neck, “it’s just—I don’t know. I get that most of my friendships on campus are superficial. Really, I do. But it’s—I mean, these people aren’t that bad to hang out with. I just don’t want to make it seem like I’m back on my old bullshit, you know?”

You didn’t know because you weren’t sure what his “old bullshit” involved but you nodded because he looked like he needed reassurance right now.

“Sure,” you said, “but you’re in college. You can still go out and have fun with your friends… or whoever those people are to you. Just be responsible.”

“Right,” he swallowed and both of you turned quiet.

Realizing that he had a limited amount of time to talk to you before you’d reach your dormitory, Jungkook was the one who spoke up again a minute later.

“I talked to my parents last night,” he said. “I called them like you said. They acted like it was the first time I’d ever called them. I’m pretty sure mom thought I only called because I needed to get bailed out of jail.”

You raised your eyebrows in surprise. “I didn’t realize you’d drifted off so much.”

He exhaled slowly. “Yeah, we did.”

“You’re working on it, though,” you said, noticing that your observation seemed to bring him down. Out of fear of having discouraged him, you added quickly, “that’s a good sign, isn’t it? You are actually trying to bring back what you once had.”

“Hmm, that might be a stretch. I don’t think we were ever a perfect family,” he scrunched up his nose as he said this and, for a moment, you were completely breathless because he looked so sweet and homely – it was an insane contrast to the wild, long-haired alternative singer that most of the people on campus knew him as.

“Yeah, well, uh,” you blinked, looking away from him and focusing on the pavement instead, “every family has its flaws. But not all of them are willing to work on them.”

“I feel like that’s a line from a Tolstoy book,” Jungkook said and you snorted. He noticed the disbelief on your face right away. “What? I only act like I’m empty-headed sometimes, but I do read.”

“No, it’s not that,” you said, shaking your head, “I just never pegged you for someone who’d read Tolstoy, of all things.”

“Why? Who did you peg me as?”

You gave him a side-glance, your eyes guarded by your eyelashes as you still wouldn’t meet his gaze – which was good because his heart had already stopped when you looked at him like that – and hummed thoughtfully.

“You always struck me as more of a Stephanie Meyer guy,” you said.

He gasped and pfftched for the next few steps before finding his voice, “Stephanie Meyer? I mean, there’s nothing wrong with her but what is it about me that screams I-enjoy-hot-vampire-drama?”

You shrugged. “You tell me. I remember seeing the book in your bedroom when we were in sixth grade.”

“I am not going to defend my twelve-year-old self,” he declared with mock-dignity and you couldn’t help but smile at the banter. “That must have been the year when the book was the most hyped. I got curious.”

“Hey, I’m not judging,” you said and then bit playfully, “different strokes for different folks, right?”

“I’d rather not have Edward Cullen stroke me, thank you very much.”

You laughed. “Fair enough.”

Jungkook smiled as he watched you but he didn’t get to enjoy the happy wrinkles by your eyes for too long because you two reached your dormitory and it was about to become awkward. Due to the fact that Jungkook lived a little further away, it was starting to feel like he’d just walked you home, which he technically did, but it wasn’t the typical Walking-Home that happened when two people were dating, and now you didn’t know how to act.

“Alright, well, thank you for waiting for me after class,” you said in an attempt to ease the awkwardness.

It didn’t really help because, all throughout the walk over here, Jungkook kept trying to find a way to ask you something and he was still having a hard time choosing his words.

“Yeah, uh, anytime,” he said and then, with a very dramatic stretch of his hands above his head – he wasn’t trying to show off his muscles or anything, he just needed to feel a little more in control of his body – he finally dared to say, “hey, so… do you think you’ll make it to the party tonight? I mean, I assume your roommate’s coming, so—”

“Oh, I don’t know if she is,” you admitted, completely oblivious about how long it took him to gather the courage to ask you to come. “Inna didn’t mention going.”

“She said she was thinking of going when I talked to her,” he said, recalling the time he’d cornered your roommate for your phone number.

“I guess your parties are more her thing,” you said, not wanting to turn him down but also not feeling up for another night with his drunk groupies, “they’re not really for me.”

“Alright, that’s cool,” Jungkook said, focusing all of his attention on a loose pebble on the pavement that he kicked softly with his foot. “I’ll see you on Monday then, yeah?”

He didn’t make it obvious but you could still hear the glints of disappointment in his voice and you’d have been fooling yourself if you said it didn’t make your heart beat faster – he wanted you to come! – which was still something that you weren’t used to.

When you were younger, Jungkook had never made you feel like you were going to die if he didn’t smile at you. Until, one day, that was precisely how he made you feel.

It happened in the final years of your friendship so you’ve had seven years to digest the butterflies and finish wallowing in self-pity. You thought you were fine now.

“Yeah,” you said struggling to swallow because, clearly, the only creatures that were fine, were the damn butterflies that had successfully reincarnated. “I’ll see you Monday.”

But the two of you stayed still for a few more minutes, both stealing quick glances at each other and then looking away when your eyes met. You couldn’t bring yourself to turn around and enter the dormitory because in doing so, you’d begin two and a half days of not seeing Jungkook, and you didn’t feel ready for that yet.

Funny how you’d survived seven years without talking to him but one weekend suddenly seemed too long.

“I should go,” Jungkook said after a while because it was true, he really should have gone. But he didn’t want to leave. “They’re probably going to send me on a booze run.”

“Is that your punishment for last weekend?” you asked.

“Yeah. But also, maybe it’s not? They always order me around,” he explained. “I’m the youngest. Sometimes, I swear, I can’t wait until they graduate and then I won’t have to go on beer runs at six in the morning when they’re too drunk to move.”

You’ve heard about the dynamics of the relationship between the Parental Advisory members from Inna but it sounded different – somehow more real – when Jungkook was the one telling you about that. You felt yourself smile as he spoke of the other members.

“You don’t mean that,” you said. “You guys seem really close.”

“We live together,” Jungkook said with a nonchalant shrug but you could see how much their friendship meant to him in his eyes. “We’ve seen each other go through all kinds of shit. They’re… they’re cool guys. The only ones I’m actually genuinely close to. You’d like them.”

You didn’t doubt that for one second even though, just days prior, you thought his whole band was overrated.

It’s been a long week, that much was clear, and you’d learned that you were a lot more prejudiced than you’d have liked to admit.

“I’m sure they’re nice,” you didn’t disagree, “I hope they’ll take care of you tonight.”

That sounded far too familiar and just plain affectionate when said out loud, and you felt yourself flush as you looked for something else to say to control the damage. But Jungkook didn’t seem to mind your worry in the slightest – in fact, he knew he was going to replay your words in his mind all the way to his house – as he smiled and gave you a reassuring nod.

“I’ll be fine tonight,” he promised and the grateful glitter of his eyes let you know that there were going to be no life-threatening accidents tonight.

Inna did end up going to the party. She felt like she’d already come so far by attending last week, so she couldn’t just stop going now – which made no sense to you whatsoever, but maintaining the perfect attendance clearly meant a lot to her, so you gave her your blessing and patiently endured her nagging as she tried to get you to come with her.

“I can’t bring myself to go,” you said as you settled on your bed with your laptop. “I went through this whole week looking forward to Friday so I could have an American Horror Story marathon until I dreamt of latex-clad monsters. I just can’t postpone that any longer and especially not for something as ridiculous as—well, you know.”

She used to think you were kidding when you first started to live together, but after knowing you for three years, she realized just how much these seemingly little things meant to you: like catching a new superhero movie or re-watching your favorite TV shows. And it wasn’t that you hated social interactions or parties in general, not at all. You just needed them to come in smaller doses than most people.

“I get it,” she said. “But are you sure? I mean, Jungkook is going to be there.”

“I know,” you said and, boy, did you. Him being there was basically the only thing you kept thinking about ever since you got home. “You can tell him hi if you see him. He knows who you are.”

Inna scoffed. “Yeah. As if I can just approach a member of Parental Advisory and start a casual conversation.”

You gave her a look. “You can. It’s the mindset that these people are better than you that’s stopping you. It’s also what keeps them thriving.”

“I know,” she said, “but still. I’m arriving to the party alone this time, and I’m not really a member of their group yet. I need to know my place.”

“Inna—”

“Yeah, alright, I heard how that sounded,” she stopped you before you could lecture her again. “But you know what I mean.”

“Are you trying to get me to come with you out of pity?”

She smiled despite herself. “Well, it worked before.”

You shook your head, smiling at her sneaky attempt. “Get out of here. And have fun!”

“I will,” she promised, spraying some perfume on her wrists before she left. “I’ll keep you updated on what Jungkook is doing.”

“Please don’t stalk him on my behalf,” you cringed, which was, clearly, her intention as she laughed.

“Everything I do,” Inna sang in her best Bryan Adams voice as she exited the room dramatically, “I do it for you.”

You wished her good luck one more time before she closed the door of the dorm and hurried down the hall. 

You didn’t often get to have your dorm room all to yourself so, as soon as she left, you exhaled in content and sprawled across your bed, your laptop resting on your hips, the first season of American Horror Story starting on the screen.

You got through the first few episodes before you had to pause the show and go find yourself a snack. Never having too much actual food in the house, you and Inna always made sure to stock up on snacks, and you returned to the bedroom with a box of Oreo's and a pack of Maltesers. Very content with the current state of things in your life, you continued to watch the show while you unwrapped the box of cookies.

Sometime in the middle of Episode 4, you thought you heard your phone vibrate but, by that time, you were already dozing off and assumed that it had to be a figment of your imagination. Still, just to be sure, you patted the bed with your hand, searching for your phone, and then gave up a minute later when you couldn’t find it without getting up.

Another few moments later, the buzzing sound returned and this time, you were sure of it – someone was calling you. Groaning, you lifted your head off the head rest and cursed yourself when you saw your phone on the furthest corner of the bed. Pausing the show, you set your laptop aside and reached for the vibrating device with a painful strain of your muscles that were aching to sleep now.

They woke up almost immediately after you noticed the caller’s ID, however.

Clearing your throat with wide, surprised eyes, you picked up the call. “Hello?”

“Hi!” Jungkook’s voice was so high-pitched that you didn’t recognize it at first and were about to double-check if it was really him calling you when he continued, “I’ve tried calling you but you weren’t picking up.”

“Oh. Yeah, sorry, I—I didn’t hear,” you explained lamely. “Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s perfect!” he replied. He couldn’t have made his drunken state more obvious if he’d tried. “Wait, no. No, it’s not. You didn’t come.”

Every emotion he was trying to portray with his words was exaggerated as he spoke in a purposefully whiny tone. It tugged at your heart strings and you had to pull the phone away from your face so you could clear your throat again.

“No, I…” you said but the ball of excitement was still stuck tightly in your throat. “I told you I wouldn’t.”

“Yeah but I thought you’d change your mind,” he said and then loud shuffling followed, “oh—whoa—!”

You blinked. “W-what happened? Are you okay?”

“I’m—yes! I slipped,” he laughed breathily and you nearly suffocated from the sound, “I’m really drunk.”

“Yeah, I can tell,” you said, standing up from your bed in hopes that walking would help you calm your beating heart down. “What happened to being responsible?”

“I am being responsible,” Jungkook countered.

“Doesn’t sound like it,” you replied just humorously enough so he’d know you weren’t actually angry or disappointed in him.

But he wasn’t in the mood to over-analyze your words as he seemed to bring his phone closer to his lips to say quietly, “hmm, you should have come then, so you could keep an eye on me.”

The accidental – or purposeful, for all you knew – ASMR had you gripping the windowsill for support.

“I didn’t realize you needed a babysitter,” you tried to play it cool.

“I don’t. I just need you,” he said automatically and your whole body lit up like an artificial Christmas tree. Jungkook reacted first, however, as he tried to back up, “uh, here, I mean. At the party”

“I got it,” you lied. The only thing you got was that Jungkook was just as capable of putting you in a trance over the phone as he was in real life. “I, um… I don’t really do parties.”

He shuffled – probably switching the phone to his other ear – before asking, “what do you do?”

“I like to stay in,” you answered, pacing around your room. “Watch a movie, maybe.”

“Okay,” he said, no longer as bold. “Maybe next weekend we can do something you do together, then?”

It felt like you’d swallowed your own heart and it was now beating all over you until your whole body was buzzing. “Uh—”

Thankfully, an unexpected overjoyed screeching sounded in the background of the call, distracting you both and providing you with the perfect opportunity to get out of the grip his question had put you in.

“S-shouldn’t you go check that out?” you asked with a nervous chuckle. “Sounded important.”

“Yeah, I’m—I’ll go check it out,” he agreed hesitantly, concluding – drunkenly and, most likely, incorrectly – that he’d stepped over the line. “I’ll call you later, okay?”

Struggling to speak, you only hummed in approval, “mmhhm.”

“Okay.”

But just like before, outside of your dormitory, neither of you wanted the conversation to end. Despite you making it awkward by not answering his proposal – he shouldn’t have thrown it at you so unexpectedly – you did enjoy the fact that he’d called – when he had so many other people around him to talk to – and didn’t want to hang up just yet.

You two allowed the silence to settle on the line as neither of you seemed to find a way to break it. You kept thinking about his question, kept replaying it over and over in your mind, and the more you thought about it, the more frightened you became. You’d already given your all to him once before, but he decided he didn’t want you to do that anymore. He didn’t need you anymore.

You didn’t want to spend the few upcoming years exploring the boundaries of your friendship with him, only for him to decide -- once again -- that he didn’t really want to be with you anymore.

And yet, even though your heart was on the line here, you still refused to hang up the call.

“Jungkook?” you said quietly.

“Yeah?” he answered right away as if he was waiting for you to say something – and he was, really.

“Oh,” you exhaled. “I thought you went to check what happened.”

“No. I’m here,” he said and you heard him swallow. “It’s probably nothing interesting.”

There was no way it wasn’t interesting – you could still hear the sounds of excitement in the background of the call – but Jungkook found himself much more intrigued by the sound of your breathing as you tried to find what to say.

“Okay,” you said and then prepared yourself for another round of silence – only it didn’t come.

“So, uh, hey, tell me about these movies you like to watch,” Jungkook changed the topic in a slightly more upbeat voice and you chuckled in relief.

“You already know all about it,” you said. “I used to force you to watch them with me.”

“I wouldn’t call it forcing,” he disagreed. “It’s not like I did it against my will.”

“You sure made it seem so,” you reminded him.

“Well, you can’t expect me to go down without a fight,” he said. “If I remember correctly, you always wanted to watch horror movies. It’s not good for my dignity when you don’t flinch during the jump-scares and I’m the only one actually getting scared.”

He did remember correctly – so his mind did function semi-properly even when he was intoxicated – and you couldn’t stop smiling. You must have looked like a lunatic. You felt like a lunatic.

“Yeah, you were always a scaredy cat,” you teased.

“Bold of you to say so when you had me climb through your bedroom window to get rid of the spider that was blocking your door,” he said and you gasped, having had him swear that he’d never mention the incident again.

“I was ten!” you protested. “That’s also how many legs that monstrosity had.”

“Spiders have eight legs,” Jungkook said matter-of-factly and then mocked your previous teasing voice, “you were always one to exaggerate.”

You rolled your eyes but the grin did not fade from your lips.

“Thank you, though,” you said before you could change your mind. “I don’t remember saying that after you got rid of it.”

Jungkook was smiling, too. “No. I only remember you sprinting downstairs as soon as you could open the door.”

“That’s because you chased me around the room with the thing,” you pointed out, Jungkook’s teasing ‘come on, just look at it!’ still fresh in your memory. “Actually, that might be why I never said thank you.”

This got him to laugh. “Yeah, that’s probably why. In my defense, I was just trying to help you deal with your arachan—arach—ah, for fuck’s sake. With the fear of spiders.”

“Is it the alcohol getting to you?” you asked, giggling as he stumbled on the word.

“It must be,” he admitted, “but, really, I feel fine. Responsible drinking! Like I told you.”

“And you’re still having fun?”

Clutching his phone closer to his ear, Jungkook nodded to himself.

“Yeah,” he said slowly, “I definitely am.”

“So, in conclusion, blackout drinking is overrated,” you said knowingly.

“It’s—” he started but then stopped abruptly. You could hear his name being called in the background.

“You should go back,” you said then, feeling like, if you weren’t going to hang up, he wouldn’t either.

“Yeah, it’s starting to look like they won’t give me any other choice,” Jungkook said. “I’ll see you soon, though, okay?”

“Yeah,” you said as if that was obvious, “see you.”

“Give me a call if there’s a spider that needs my attention,” he bit one last time and then hung up as soon as you finished laughing – he couldn’t hang up before, it was simply impossible for him to pull away from the speaker of his phone when you were laughing.

You stared at your phone for at least a few minutes after the call ended, still beaming. There was a juxtaposition of feelings brewing inside of you: you were excited about receiving his call – even if it was a drunken one – while still holding yourself back from (re)developing any sort of connection with him out of fear of it all ending as abruptly as it had before.

But, as you put your phone down and returned to your previous spot on the bed – no longer tired enough to fall asleep – you figured that you were really more excited than you were afraid. Because, all things considered, you and Jungkook were no longer in the ninth grade. And maybe it’d prove to be difficult for you to fully open your heart again, but you couldn’t dismiss the possibility that, eventually, you could have Jungkook in your life again.

Three more episodes of American Horror Story later, you were positively dozing off. You did want to finish the first season – and you came so close – but your eyes were already closed for half of the last episode you’d watched, so you decided it’d be best to go to sleep. However, as soon as you turned the laptop off and got up to brush your teeth, you heard the door of the dorm open.

Poking your head into the hallway, you yawned just as Inna stumbled inside – and flinched, grasping at her chest, as soon as she saw you – dropping her keys onto the floor.

“Jesus, don’t stand there in the dark,” she hiccuped, leaning down to pick her keys up while you turned the light of the hallway on. She lost her balance on her way back up and had to lean against the wall to stand.

“Wow, you’re properly drunk,” you said, feeling another yawn coming but resisting it because it was starting to look as though you wouldn’t get to go to sleep just yet.

“Nooo,” she whined. “I didn’t drink that much. Just—just a little. A small little drink.”

You smiled at her description and took her keys from her. “Let me get those. You get yourself to bed.”

“Oh,” Inna sighed wistfully as she leaned against the wall of the hallway instead of doing what you’d told her. “You should have really come with me. It was fun.”

“Yeah, I bet it was,” you replied. “Come on, off to bed now—”

“Can I tell you a secret?” she asked.

“Inna—”

“I have Yoongi’s phone number,” she giggled drunkenly.

“Alright, good for you. Now, let’s—”

“Can I tell you another secret?” she said again and her expression turned grave. “But, shhh, shhh, you can’t tell this one to my roommate.”

Confused how to proceed from there, you hesitated and then ended up choosing not to encourage her to keep going. You’d eavesdropped enough in the past week so the maximum number of secrets that you knew but weren’t supposed to know was reached.

“That’s okay,” you told her, gently wrapping an arm around her shoulders to help her return to the bedroom. “You can tell me tomorrow.”

“No, no, listen,” she disagreed, allowing you to guide her towards the bedroom – and then nearly falling face-down on the floor after she trusted you blindly and ended up stumbling over the threshold of the door because of it. “I saw Jungkook.”

She started to giggle like a madwoman then and you thought that was the whole secret but as soon as you helped her sit down, and squatted in front of her to remove her shoes, she kept going.

“I’m really sorry,” she said, her hand coming to rest on the top of your head as she brushed your hair affectionately.

“Sorry about seeing Jungkook?” you asked absentmindedly, too focused on the removal of her heels to pay attention.

“Yes,” she confirmed. “He was coming over here.”

You managed to pull one of her shoes off and dropped it in surprise.

“What?” you asked. “He was coming here?”

She nodded and you stood up, giving the room a once-over. If Inna was serious, and Jungkook was coming over here, there was no way you were going to let him into your room – it looked very much like a cozy pigsty at the moment.

“With a girl,” Inna added then, “she probably lives here.”

Blinking as you tried to digest this new bit of information that she had dramatically withheld for a whole minute, you felt your stomach sink with heavy disappointment.

“He’s, uh—he’s going over to some girl’s place?” you asked, returning to your previous job of removing Inna’s shoes.

“I think so,” she nodded and, judging by her voice, she was already falling asleep, but she still didn’t forget to mention, “but don’t tell my roommate. She’s just starting to be friends with him again.”

Your hurting heart would have disagreed with her – a friend wouldn’t have cared whom her friends were sleeping with – but you kept your eyes on the floor as you took her heels off and picked them up to carry them into the hallway.

“Don’t worry,” you said. “I won’t tell.”

keep reading | masterlist

[goosebumpsbookclub]

Welcome to Dead House

Good evening! Tonight we delve into the first book in the original Goosebumps series: Welcome to Dead House. You may be asking yourself how this house came to be dead. The answer is that Dead House is a stupid name and the house is called that because everyone who lives there eventually dies (this is the case with houses in general). 

When our story opens, Amanda Benson is about to become the newest resident of this old as balls house in Dark Falls (get it?). She is possessed of two heterosexual parents, a whiny little brother named Josh, and a dog whose days are numbered. The move was orchestrated by a handsome young real estate agent named Compton Dawes who, in the funniest instance of vampire foreshadowing I’ve ever read, wears a giant black cowboy hat because it “keeps the sun away.” Everyone else in this vampire town wears baseball caps, which seem to work perfectly fine, but this dude made a conscious decision to become Goth Doug Dimmadome. You have to respect his complete and utter lack of subtlety.

Speaking of the rest of the town: There are approximately one million creepy children and seemingly no adults besides Compton. The kids do things like form a threatening circle around Amanda and Josh and say “I used to live in your house” repeatedly. In response, Amanda never asks anything like “why are you being so scary at me right now?” or “what the hell does that mean?” In her defense, there are trillions of things twelve-year-olds find confusing; if they asked questions about everything they didn’t understand, we as a society would never get anything done.

An interlude: The vampire children have a BASEBALL SCENE. R.L. Stein should sue Stephanie Meyer for everything she’s worth.

Meanwhile, weird things are happening in the house. Amanda sees figures in her window and has nightmares about her whole family turning into skeletons. This gives her parents an opportunity to gaslight her, which they promptly take, as any good Goosebumps parent would. I’m going to be honest here and admit that I really wanted to read some queerness into this because hauntings lend themselves so well to queer readings (see: The Haunting of Hill House, which is a gay book for gays). But Stein’s use of tropes is so straightforward and earnest that I couldn’t really come up with anything. I don’t know, maybe there’s something about puberty there? Of being a tween girl just beginning realize that she’s not safe even in her own home, confronted for the first time with the body’s tremendous potential as a site of horror, her experiences discounted by everyone around her? Sure, okay. Let’s go with that. (I have a masters.)

The climax of the book occurs when Petey the dog, who’s been freaked out by the house since day one, disappears. Josh goes to the graveyard in the middle of the goddamn night to look for him and is followed by Amanda and their definitely not evil friend Ray. They do find Petey in the graveyard—which is actually a cemetery, technically—rookie mistake, R.L.—but he’s dead as hell now and also a zombie or something like it. This sucks, objectively. I was sure they’d find a way to bring Petey back to life by the end of the book, but they don’t. Petey is a terrible messed up little creature for the rest of eternity.

Once Amanda and Josh realize that Ray is undead by way of stumbling upon his gravestone, Ray explains that the vampires always kill the new family’s dog first because dogs can, like, sense vampires? Seems like a bad plan when the Bensons weren’t actually alarmed by Petey’s behavior and seemed perfectly willing to chalk it up to normal dog stupidity, but whatever. Another bad move: Ray says it was his job to keep an eye on Amanda and Josh and keep them from getting suspicious. Hey, Ray? Maybe you and your friends should stop being so supremely ominous, then? Just a thought. Anyway, then Josh shines his flashlight on him and melts his goddamn face off.

After a little back and forth between the graveyard-cemetery and the house (their parents are at a party or something, conveniently), Amanda and Josh confront single dad Compton. Compton explains that a gas leak at a nearby factory killed the entire population of Dark Falls and also made them vampire-adjacent things. Once a year the town lures a new family into the Dead House and drinks their blood. This is a metaphor for the corrupting force of capitalism, or something, and also for the way small suburban towns bleed you dry and force you to assimilate into their soulless cultures. Source: I grew up in a small suburban town.

Josh ends this conversation by throwing his now broken flashlight at Compton’s head. This leaves a cut so deep that you can see part of the guy’s skull. I’d like to register a complaint with R.L. Stine and Scholastic and also God because what the hell? Amanda should just set her eleven-year-old brother on the vampires and let him tear them limb from limb. When he was introduced at the beginning of the book, Amanda described him as “the most important kid in the world.” I read this as a joke; I realize now that it was prophecy.

Even though Amanda is in possession of a weapon of mass destruction in the form of her kid brother’s primal rage, she opts instead to run away like the coward she is. She and Josh find their parents tied up in an outdoor theater where the entire town has gathered. They push over a whole-ass tree that’s shading the area (another testament to Josh’s freakish strength) and lo! the sun! it is risen! Down stream those righteous golden ribbons of light into the clearing, melting the flesh from the bones of all the wicked suburban housewives! We are saved! Praise be to the Sun God Josh!

The Bensons are overall pretty non-traumatized considering they just heard the tormented screams of an entire town’s population as it burned to death (“I guess it’s lucky after all that we couldn’t sell the old place,” Dad comments, chipper), and no one sheds a tear for poor Petey. All’s well that ends well… or is it? As they start to drive away, Amanda is gripped by the nonsensical urge to jump out and run back to the house and gaze at it dramatically. As she does so, a new family pulls up and is like gee wilikers, we’re so excited to move into this old as balls house! And who’s that on the porch? Is it… no… it couldn’t be…

Petey?!?

Just kidding. It’s obviously Compton. Having watched a lot of the TV show, I know that Goosebumps is very into twist endings. This one’s pretty weak, to be honest, but I’d love to delve into Compton’s new life as the grieving father of 10000 dead vampire children.

So ends my first foray into the literary world of Goosebumps. It was both mostly what I expected and creepier than I thought it’d be. I can confirm that my parents were probably right to ban me from reading this series when I was a sensitive little seven-year-old.

Have some ratings:

Cover: Simple and sweet. Lacks the visceral grossness of Tim Jacobus’ later cover art. If I saw this in the library from a reasonable distance in 2002 it would not scare me very much. However, a closer look reveals a spooky figure that would probably give me nightmares. 3/5.

Scare factor: I don’t have any other Goosebumps books to compare it to yet, but this was surprisingly scary! Faces melting off left and right, a zombie dog that you never quite see clearly, the weird “I used to live in your house” refrain. This would have scared the piss out of me as a kid. 4/5.

Hat content: 5/5, no explanation needed.

[edwardsvirginity]

And now... I introduce my best friend to Eclipse! 

--0000000--

[riley’s first appearance]

Friend: who's that

mike?

(the rest of the commentary for the movie is under the readmore!)

--0000000--

[bella reciting the opening monologue: some say the world will end in fire…]

Friend: wow…drama queen

--0000000--

[Edward and bella in the meadow]

Friend: is this real or is this more of her crazy headspace

--0000000--

Edward: marry me

Bella: I have an English final

Friend: wow……. Rude

--0000000--

[Charlie grounding bella]

Friend: charlie…. is the only sane character tbh lmfao

he knows an abusive relationship when he sees one

--0000000--

[Edward sabatoges bella’s truck]

Friend:  Y I K E S

A B U S I V E

this is not romantic lol

--0000000--

Renee: I just want to make sure ur making the right choices for you

Friend: she's NOT

--0000000--

[renee gives bella the quilt from all their trips]

Friend: awwww

except she's selling out her fam for bloodsuckers

--0000000--

[all the cullens wait for Victoria in the forest]

Friend: is it whatshername

the redheaded bitch

--0000000--

Friend: i'm just gonna say….alice and carlisle are the only valid vampires

Me: whyso?

Friend: idk anything about jasper and emmett, edward is weird, who else even is there

--0000000--

Me: [pauses movie because a spider has appeared by my head and I’m freaking out]

[it lands on my laptop and I scream and close it]

Ok… we can resume

Friend: what happened?

Me: [explains]

Him: ? ? ? why didn't you kill it?!

Me: killing it requires getting close enough to touch it, and that's Too Close

i don't kill spiders

anyway

Him: what?!? lmfao

you don't kill spiders

Me: killing them is too scary

Him: i'd rather kill it and know it's dead than wonder where it is

wow

me: i just scream until someone else comes to do it for me

him: that's a lot to take in

--0000000--

[jake confronting Edward about being on their territory]

Edward: I was trying to protect u by not telling u abt Victoria

Friend: mmmm yikes

bella just needs to move tf back to florida

this is….Too Much

--0000000--

[bella goes to lapush]

Friend: tbh i like his pack

--0000000--

Leah: if ur here to torture jake some more u can leave

Friend: oooooh

burn

--0000000--

[movie introduces imprinting]

Friend: tbh i think that whole concept is insane™ and i dont get it

bc it like absolves you of your own…actions

& removes the other person's choice

it's really fucking creepy

--0000000--

Friend: also it would be soooo weird to be able to read people's thoughts

Me: i know it would freak me out

i would hate being able to hear everything my packmates thought

Friend: i don't need anyone else to know how horny i am

--0000000--

[Jacob arguing with bella about the cullens]

Jacob: theyre not even alive

Friend: "they're not even alive" y i k e s

--0000000--

[riley creeping in bella’s house]

Friend: man i'd be sleepin with a shotgun lmfao

& like 12 dogs

--0000000--

[Edward yelling at bella abt bella disappearing with jake]

Me: he’s so overprotective

Friend: she needs it tho

Me: because she's such a danger magnet?

Friend: um….yeah

& she is a fucking damsel in distress

she has no power of her own :((

--0000000--

Friend: he's so…ugly

me: Edward?

Friend: yeah ……….

--0000000--

[Jake appears shirtless]

Edward: doesn’t he own a shirt

Friend: “doesn't he own a shirt"

LMFAO edward voicing my thoughts

--0000000--

[Edward kissing bella before passing her off to jake, who immediately hugs her]

Friend: the way they …. fight with each other by using her body :|

--0000000--

Friend: what do native americans think of this?

Me: [explains]

Friend: so what is the redeeming quality of these movies exactly lmfao

Me: they’re… fun?

Friend: i guess

like indiana jones

racist trash, but fun(?)

--0000000--

Me: I hate his sideburns in this movie

Friend: don't think they're that bad

his whole face tho is not great

especially pale af

--0000000--

[nonconsensual kiss scene]

Jake: ill fight until ur heart stops beating

Bella: u wont have to wait for long

Friend: YIKES

--0000000--

[Edward and Jake fighting post-punch]

Jake: she’s not sure what she wants

Friend: Y I K E S

--0000000--

[Carlisle bandaging bella]

Friend: carlisle is so hot

i wanna marry dr. carlisle

the way he medicines everyone up…

wow

 [..]

edward is useless

seduce Carlisle

 [..]

edward's been alive 100 years and hasn't become a doctor??? c'mon

--0000000--

[Rosalie killing her rapists]

Friend: LM FAO

love that

W O W

that's a more interesting story than bella's LMFAO

--0000000--

[Rosalie trying to convince bella to stay human]

Rose: there’s one thing you’ll want more than Edward… one thing you’ll kill for… blood

Friend: ohhh….

SHE REAL

--0000000--

Friend: & also bella's assumption that Edward is That Great

she's 18….. she hasn't even TRIED college boys

 [..]

has she even had sex with anyone, ever?

--0000000--

Friend: Evil Dakota Fanning is ….. scary af

--0000000--

Friend: i'll say what i want about stephanie meyer being a fucked up mormon…. but her music taste is p good

Me: she didn’t do the soundtracks

Friend: ummm…i remember stephanie meyer specifically thanking Muse in her books

in the "acknolwedgements" section

 or did you, the twilight princess, not read that part

--0000000--

[graduation party]

Friend: I feel like there should be a twilight spoof..

where a high school girl has to choose between dating a furry and a goth

bc that's what this feels like to me

--0000000--

Friend: he freaks me out

the beefy one

--0000000--

[training scene]

Friend: jasper's kinda sexy too

well, everyone looks good next to robert :|

--0000000--

[jasper’s backstory]

Friend: jasper was a confederate soldier?!?!??!

what?? lmfao

confederate vampires? thanks i hate it

--0000000--

Friend: didn't he have like a life and morals before becoming a vampire or

i mean i guess he's a confederate so maybe not but

--0000000--

[jasper’s backstory]

Friend: he just listens to her lmfao

his Evil Mexican Bruja

--0000000--

[about Victoria]

Friend: she should just make someone sexy a vampire and fuck them tho

she has the power here

--0000000--

[about Jacob]

Friend: is there a REASON he never wears a shirt?

--0000000--

[Jake trying to convince bella she has feelings for him]

Jake: you can love more than one person… like sam, Emily, and leah

Friend: thruple!

that's the only resolution here

jacob & edward need to fuck each other and get over it

there's too much tension between them

--0000000--

Alice: you and Edward will have the house to yourself tonight

Friend: oooooo

Alice: you’re welcome

Friend: LMFAO

alice is a bro

--0000000--

Bella [immediately after the scene with Alice]: hey dad, I was wondering

Friend: hey dad… i was wondering. do you have any condoms

--0000000--

Bella: dad I’m a virgin

Friend: not for long….

--0000000--

Friend: but like honestly it's all so deeply unclear to me

he has like no blood, right?

HOW does he get hard

Me: he’s always hard

Friend: i don't think that's how that works

--0000000--

[Edward and bella in edward’s room]

Bella: I wanna ask u something

Friend: "can we fuck"

--0000000--

Friend: i feel like "becoming a vampire" is just a metaphor for "losing virginity"

--0000000--

[Bella tried to jump Edward]

Edward: bella…no

Friend: ???????????

they already kiss and stuff?????????

Me: yeah

i think he's worried he'd like. fuck her to death

idk… her vulva is delicate i guess

 Friend: they could do some Other Stuff

Me: yeah i know

edward is just…. too old school to understand anything but piv

Friend: fuck her to death…with his flaccid vampire dick

 [..]

this is so………Weird

?????????? sex is not a sin

--0000000--

[Edward talking abt how he would have courted bella in 1918]

Friend: ???????????? i dont believe that at all

people fucked in the 1800s

edward is a fucking weirdo

[Edward starts his grand speech]

Friend: Ew

this is…. a Lot

tbh it's Not Sexy that he can't adapt to a more feminist era

[Edward proposes]

Friend: this is…… a Lot

he Keeps Asking

[bella accepts]

Friend: she's only saying yes because she's horny!!!!

--0000000--

Friend: also….tbh it's sad that these vampires have to deny their instincts and have no control over themselves

like ….maybe they should just be euthanized

 Me: :O

Friend: is it fair to deny them their nature???

we don't force tigers to be vegetarians

what is the difference

Me: because… they're sentient and intellectual and can decide for themselves not to eat humans

Friend: i'm not sure i buy that

Me: you think they're not smart enough to make their own decision not to eat humans?

Friend: it seems like they have to be rehabilitated to deny a very natural instinct that they have no control over

are the cullens themselves a metaphor for mormonism?

 Me: yeah but carlisle CHOSE a vegetarial lifestyle… no one forced it on him

Friend: i guess

but at what cost

lmao

--0000000--

[tent scene]

Jacob: I am hotter than u

Friend: LMFAO

--0000000--

Friend: why didn't they bring more blankets?????

how fucking cold is it

Dumbasses

--0000000--

[Edward and jake arguing over bella]

Friend: idk bella….

i'd rather fuck a hot wolf than a freezing rock hard PussyDestroying Vampire

those wolves are HUGE…. huge dicks im sure

--0000000--

[Edward talking about how he doesn’t want bella to be a vamp to jake]

 Friend: i feel like they're Bonding

over their inability to control this woman lmfao

--0000000--

[jake and Edward fighting over bella]

Friend: bella is not that interesting? ? ? ?

--0000000--

Edward: if you weren’t trying to steal bella I might actually like u

Friend: wow

THIS is where they should fuck

t h r u p l e

look deep into each other's eyes

--0000000--

Friend: she'd warm up if they were having sex

--0000000--

[post tent scene]

Friend: she's not even wearing a hat rn

bella…what the fuck

--0000000--

[Edward and bella talking about being engaged, jake overhears]

Bella: it’s the 21st century

Friend: yeah, it is the 21st century…. marry them both

--0000000--

[bella asks jake to kiss her]

Friend: what the FUCK is happening

--0000000--

[bella and jake making out]

Friend: she's not even wearing anything warm

--0000000--

[battle]

Friend: carlisle…. kung fu master

Me: renaissance man

Friend: only breaks the hippocratic oath when absolutely necessary

--0000000--

[confrontation with riley and Victoria, Edward trying to convince riley to turn on Victoria]

Edward: think about it riley.. .you’re from forks… you know the area

Friend: "you're from forks… who would want that"

--0000000--

[Carlisle healing jake]

Friend: god…..my sexy, classy dad

… so smart….. so kind

--0000000--

Bella: I’m not normal

Friend: bella….you are SO normal

the reason every middle school girl read these books and thought they were like bella is bc you are just THAT normal

--0000000--

Edward: I guess we should start planning the wedding

Bella: no… something more difficult first… more dangerous

Friend: is she still talking about her virginity

[scriptstructure]

How do I create a multispecies and interspecies society? One aspect I'm having issues with is varied lifespan and childhood. What is the parents lifespans are 80 and 800 and had a child at 40 and 770. Say that the child isn't an adult until 100 which means parents are dead. What if the only relatives have small lifespans and are they even obligated to accept the child (even if rhe child is older than them)? How does any other age related issue work.

This seems like a question that is more suited to @script-a-world than to me, since it seems like you’re working on figuring out the way that the society in your secondary world works, rather than figuring out how to portray it on the page.

I will say that all of the questions you’ve laid out up there are questions that you’ll need to explore for yourself to decide how you want your world to work, how you want your society to function, and how you want your characters to think about the world they live in.

Of course, there’s going to be some major differences between a world with such widely varied age ranges and our own world, but how exactly that works depends a great deal on the type of story you’re trying to tell, the kinds of characters that you want to have, etc.

Some books that I can think of that have societies with characters with widely varying age ranges:

-The Lord of the Rings, JRR Tolkien: The most obvious one is the elves, who can be just about as old as the world itself, but even the Hobbits and Númenórean men have different lifespans to just regular old human people.

-Buffy the Vampire Slayer: There are multiple characters in the show, usually vampires, or demons (like Anya) who have lived for hundreds of years, and who have their own cultures alongside the human world.

-The Vampire Chronicles, Anne Rice: I find these books very interesting in the way that they handle characters who were born human but become long-lived through vampirism (or other means) and how the different characters process their extended lives.

-The Twilight Saga, Stephanie Meyer: The Cullen family have a very different lifestyle to the Volturi, but they’re all long-lived people amongst regular humans.

-The Black Jewels Trilogy*, Anne Bishop: This series has something which, with the brief description you’ve provided, sounds similar to what you’re working on. There are multiple human-ish races, with lifespans varying from your normal 80-ish up to 8000 years. There are a few characters who have managed to live (kinda posthumously?? It’s hard to explain without getting into the complex magic system) up to about 50,000 years. LIke with the Vampire Chronicles, there’s exploration of the ways that time differs for people with disparate lifespans, and also with romance between someone who is short-lived, and someone who is long-lived (extremely tragic!)

There are probably many many more books that deal with these kinds of concepts, and every one handles it slightly differently. I’d definitely suggest reading some books that have these themes and think about how you want to approach it in your story.

And that’s really what it comes down to in the end: what do you want to do with this concept in your story? How does this conceit change the way your world works?

I hope this helps!

*Content note for the Black Jewels Trilogy: contains strong sexual violence, body horror, and other violent themes which might be upsetting for some readers.

[prolestariwrites]

30 Days of Fanfic

Day 8 - Do you write OCs? And if so, what do you do to make certain they're not Mary Sues, and if not, explain your thoughts on OCs.

I don’t create OCs, but I do write other’s. In particular my friend @solynacea has some amazing OCs that she allows me to borrow and we write about together. They are completely her creation though. The closes I ever got was creating Melizabeth’s and Banlaine’s children for The Time That Is Given. I actually have a lot written for them that never got published, and they were totally original characters.

I don’t mind OCs, I just don’t have a lot of strength when it comes to creating them. That’s why I write fanfic: doing my own character building and world building is too much work, and I prefer using established canon to play around with (which is why I’ll do other people’s OCs). 

For not making them Mary Sues, and this goes for any character, they have to have faults. The trap I think people get into with their own OCs is that they are pretty perfect, or their struggles are easily solved by canon. And I get it, they are your babies and you create them to be happy and to make the canon characters you love happy. That is fine for conversation and enjoying and OC for yourself, but when you sit down to write a story, you need some conflict in there. Otherwise what is the story going to be about?

Having said that, there’s nothing even wrong with a Mary Sue, in my opinion. That term has lost some of its meaning in fandom and turns into “character I don’t like” a lot of time. Your OC is yours, make them how you want. Nobody can tell you what to do. This is fiction, and it’s supposed to be fun. If Stephanie Meyer can make a zillion dollars off of Bella Swan then by god you can write whatever you want for AO3 and be proud. And I guarantee someone out there will read it and love you for it.

[demollitionloverss]

so edward can’t bleed but he can nut?

[clusterfucks]

Stop fucking up vampires.

All right you angsty teen shit pricks, I have had it up to HERE with your disgusting vampire portrayals. I’m gonna teach y’all on how vampires really are so you can cut the shit out of your dumb fan fictions. Saddle down and listen because this is gonna take a while. 

A. ORIGIN OF THE GARLIC CRAP: So theres this guy called Asklepios and hes the god of medicine. He found out how to raise the dead but Zeus said “you need to cut that shit out it’ll upset the balance of the force” and killed Asklepios. Fortunately, Asklepios was a tricky bitch and wrote down the formula for immortality on a piece of paper, that was buried and grew the first garlic plants. Because of this garlic has special healing properties, namely, it is a anticoagulant. Now if you really wanna sit there and tell me that this plant with immortality connotations and blood flowing juices is actually bad for vampires and not just an elaborate lie to make people’s blood easier to suck, then you do you. Just know that you are wrong. 

B. THIS SHITS FUCKING DARK. Did you know that back in ye olde days, if you were suspected of being a vampire the villagers would CUT OUT YOUR HEART, CREMATE IT, and FEED IT TO YOUR FAMILY. The only fucking sparkling going on with vampires is the tears of your children as they watch the local doctor cut out your organs because you coughed twice in a row during church. They aren’t fucking pretty sparkle boy toys, STEPHANIE. 

C. STOP IGNORING ROMANIA. Romania is so frigging cool why the actual fuck are you writing high school au’s when you could be writing about civilizations that would leave a wooden stake through the heart of every enemy solider after battles??? Vlad Dracul was third in line for the throne and once his two brothers were assassinated do you know what he did? HE WAGED WAR WITH THE FUCKING OTTOMAN EMPIRE. GET THIS PART STRAIGHT: ROMANIA FOUGHT THE ENTIRE OTTOMAN EMPIRE, AND WAS WINNING. He would stab people through the neck and leave them in front of the castle to promote fear. He waged war so well that he had almost won the freaking war against one of the biggest empires in world history before he died. I stan one (1) legend. ALSO they had Elizabeth Bathory. Who was Elizabeth Bathory? She took the phrase “you are what you ate” two literally and killed every pretty young girl she could find to take their features. She would eat parts of them that she liked whole. She killed an estimate of over 160 girls. You like your nose? She would fucking bite that shit right off your face and move on to the next girl. Penguin style. Some sources say she bathed in their blood. I-fucking-conic. These two single single handedly created the (hopefully apparent by now) myth about vampires and wooden stakes AND the blood sucking part. God tier. They’re fucking god tier Stephanie. 

D. VAMPIRES AREN’T INHERENTLY IMMORTAL. Blood is a persons life force, vampires need to keep drinking blood or they’ll die. Get off your teenage romance bullshit and write about vampires who grow normally for 75 years with their partner and then suck the blood out of that partner so they can restart again. Give the people what they want. Cowards. This is the only fucking romance with vampires that I will tolerate from you butter fucks.

E. GET THE FUCKING HISTORY RIGHT. Guillain-Barré syndrome and catalepsy paralyses its victims, it affects a lot of people with schizophrenia, people would be buried, claw their way out of the grave, then be treated as a vampire because they have a history of acting as if they were possessed by a demon and came back from the “dead”. Rabies would cause “Aversion to light and water, aggression, biting and delirium” in people, this is probably a major cause to the origin of the myth, if it is a myth and current scholars are not just explaining away vampirism. The bite marks for rabies might have brought about the biting neck thing. Peasants thought that plague victims were vampires because of the blood around their mouths. Porphyria caused sensitivity to sunlight (exposure caused blisters) and increased forehead hair. The people with these diseases would be cast out of town for vampirism. My theory is that these people cross bred and their children, after hundreds of years became vampires. Imagine what you could do with this. Vampires who hate humans because their ancestors were cast out of the town. Vampires who are more sensitive to some things because they had more ancestors with that disease. The villagers, out of fear of vampirism, creating vampirism. THESE are good ideas. Sparkling sexy vampire man makes out with stuck up not-like-other-girls lady is NOT a good idea. 

In fucking short you rat bastards are missing so many freaking opportunities with vampires. I don’t care if you write romance, but do it fucking right. My asexual ass read twilight hoping for some fucking vampires and got a predictable, crappy, smut vampire book. Get them fucking right. Please note that it is my destiny to defeat Stephanie Meyers in mortal combat. Until I do that I physically cannot die or even feel emotions so you teen wolf horny 13yo’s can keep your trash opinions on vampires to yourself. And all you fan fiction writers, or just writers in general, don’t make shit up or you will become my mortal enemy, and I swear to god I will show up at your home, cremate your fucking eyeballs, mix them with cocaine and snort them through a rolled up copy of your trash fucking story.   

EDIT: I’m getting a lot of bitches in the comments going “calm down let people enjoy their vampires guy” but no, you people have permanently damaged the reputation of vampires forever already. If you think i’m gonna stand by and watch you ignore all of the perfect vampire lore for teen romance you’re fucking wrong. LeT pEoPlE hAvE tHiS, there are already a billion teenage boys for you to piss on don’t piss on vampires in the process, let me, and everyone else who likes og vampires have them. You want to fuck a dark angsty teenager? Fuck off to some emo fandom and leave these quality people to the quality writers who have some sort of plot or research to base their story on instead of just their horny teenage fantasys. 

[thorne93]

Writing Interview

I was tagged by @illegalcerebral who is utterly amazing in every sense of the word

Q: What is your coffee order? 

This totally depends. It’s not even related to weather either. I’ve been known to get hot lattes in summer, and blended iced drinks in the winter. Typically, I opt for something caramel, or hazelnut, or both. I like it to be sweet but not overly sweet, so long as the bitterness of the coffee is cut, I’m golden. 

Q: What is the coolest thing you’ve ever done?

Depends, I’ve done lots of stuff. I have my own novel published and I’ve sold over 100 copies (not a lot, I know, but to a kid whose dream was “I just want 1 person I don’t know to buy it and like it” and it happened -- that’s perfect for me). I also wrote a short story that my professor insisted I get published - i’m in the process of that now. 

Q: Who has been your biggest mentor?

Plenty of people. I’ve learned a lot from all my fellow writers here on Tumblr/Discord, some writing, and some general life. I learn a lot from my immediate family, and my best friend. 

Q: What has been your most memorable writing project?

I’ve got several. My stories are my worlds. My original novel is pretty near and dear and I could probably recite some of the scenes to you because I’ve had to sit and edit and read them so much (it’s a trilogy, but only 1 is published). I also have a weird story that’s turned into two novels, but it’s like a HUGE crossover fic with tons of original characters, and it’s really memorable because it’s basically a long ass role play between one of my friends and myself and it’s evolved into this whole universe that I just love. As far as fics go -- Three’s Company - I dictated most of the story to my husband on one of our road trips. I talked, he wrote. It was my first ever fan fic, and it was poly which was pretty daunting. I love Closing Time and Hard Headed. I have an unfinished fic right now which is very long but it’s memorable. Curious Conundrum was great because I never thought I’d write Sherlock then I found myself wanting to crawl inside the universe. Decisions, Decisions was really fun and interesting to write.

Q: What does your writing path look like, from the earliest days until now?

Well, my first works were three novels, then I wrote that fanfic/crossover/original piece I was talking about, then I started fan fic. I miss novel writing. You can be more specific, and I don’t have to stick to a canon. I can toy with rules and the universe in that story. No matter what though, I feel like I always try to develop a full story -- where are these characters from, where are they headed, and how do they get there? I always try to hit every plot hole and angle. I frequently pace and talk aloud saying things like “okay, I can have them wind up here, and that’s how X would happen -- but, why wouldn’t they just call the person? why are they there?” it’s a lot of back and forth, with myself, lol Or i breakdown and consult Discord and the lovely folk that reside there

Q: What is your favorite part about writing?

Setting up the storyline. It’s so exciting to see how certain things can reconnect,t things i didn’t even plan on connecting. To watch a story unfold is great. Then, to write a scene I’ve been chomping at the bit to write. 

Q: What does a typical day look like for you?

Well it’s constantly changing. I don’t have a set schedule and i never force myself to write. I know Stephanie Meyer said that she wrote every day, even if it was just one word, but I can always tell that when my writing feels forced, the content is lacking. If i’m not in the mood to write, I don’t. and if inspiration hits me, I try to record it -- if i’m in class, i jot it down on a notebook or whatever. So I don’t follow some strict schedule because my life just doesn’t allow for that. I’m a full time student who runs a family and household so I just can’t dedicate time to writing just to “do it”.

Q: What does your writing process look like?

1) I have to have an outline, or at least a start of one. i need to know where they will be going. How do we get from point A, to point B, to point C, etc. I prefer a full outline before writing, but sometimes I find if i have a loose outline and I just jump in, the rest of the story just builds itself

2) I only post once a story is finished

3) I ask someone to beta, at least one person I trust

4) I typically do better if I can focus. I usually write really well between 10-pm and 3 am. I used to write a work because my work was kind of slow and I could write between things, and no one was there to bother me

Q: What’s the best advice you’ve gotten?

Not sure... Other than maybe instead of saying, “He was angry” you say “His jaw clenched while his fist closed tightly, white knuckling.” So the whole explain what’s going on, rather than just telling them. 

Q: What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned?

If you aren’t feeling it, don’t push it. forcing yourself to write when you have writers block doesn’t do anyone any good. If you’re stuck on a story, don’t push it. Think about it for a while, if nothing comes, let it go and see if random inspiration strikes while you’re off doing something else; dwelling on it pretty much never helps

Q: What advice would you give someone who wants to start writing?

Try to finish your stories before posting - otherwise you may face pressure or stress to finish a story from your readers, and it’s hard enough to face your own demands, let alone an audiences. Plus you may not finish it and now people are disappointed 

Write for YOU. Not what you think people will like, not what you think they’ll accept, not what you think they want to read. Write what you would want to read. 

Don’t ever be discouraged. It takes a LOT of time to build a “fan base”. Just keep writing for you and putting your work out there and someone will pick it up.

Reblog - not constantly, but once or twice a day at different times

Take breaks -- even if it’s been a month and you have writers block - that’s okay. 

Consult with a beta, or 2 or 3. If you’re just starting out, find a writer whose work you like, and ask if they will beta. Or join Discord (with a writing channel) and ask for a beta there. If you’re just starting, get more than 1. People beta differently. Some just look for spelling and grammar. Some tell you if there are plot holes. Some will just come in and overhaul your grammar, syntax, word usage. Some can tell you if it’s too fast. Some can tell you if a scene or a sentence doesn’t make sense. Don’t be afraid of criticism from your beta. Chances are, they aren’t being an asshole or a dick, they’re telling you “this shit needs fixed” and it’s better to fix it with your beta/editor than for your audience to point it out, or get turned off and not read your work....

Make sure you have formatting down -- New paragraph when someone else is speaking ALWAYS. Comma in dialogue if there is a dialogue tag (For instance: “I watered the dog,” he said. VS. “I watered the dog.” He then walked into the bathroom.) The first one was a comma because it’s a whole statement and you’re explaining HOW they said something. The second one, his action of walking into the bathroom had NOTHING TO DO with the statement he made. 

Tagging: @carryonmyswansong @arrow-guy @like-a-bag-of-potatoes @sorryimacrapwriter @thejemersoninferno @malfoysqueen14 @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo

[innerartisanfan]

Tbh I've felt such a difference between the Harry Potter series and CoG that I honestly thought someone else wrote it for a moment (the McGonagall timeline thing, Dumbledore having Lupins 'original' bogart lesson, shit that sounds like straight up out of a fanfic)

And people they're tropes. It's literally a seven book long listing of popular story tropes. (And that's part of why I love them)

- magical world right under our noses

- witches on broomsticks

- chosen one has to fulfill prophecy

- coming of age shenanigans in school

- Homework Is Torture, we shall procrastinate

- a trio of heroes

- murder mystery

- literally every single thing about the Dursleys

(Seriously "why did that incredibly abusive irresponsible motherfucker Dumbledore leave Harry in the muggle world with his abusive family" Because the story needed Harry to grow up as a muggle (underdog) and experience the magic for the first time in the books so we could do it with him. And also so the story could start and end with an anchor point to the readers/muggle world "why are the Dursleys Like That then???" They are a caricature of normal-obsessed suburb people, that's why

"All the adults are so irresponsible" in a kids adventure story, I am shaking in my socks)

Just take some of the characters:

Petunia: a karen

Mrs. Figg: crazy cat lady

Molly Weasly: heart of gold mother of a big family, gossipy, wants her husband and children to have ordinary, successful careers, woke but also wants to 'keep the children out of it'

Umbridge: disgustingly sweet but actually evil, based on a real person with a toad face and a pink bow on her hair apperantly

Parvati & Lavender: the other girls in not like other girl comics

Pansy: that unfeminine bully girl (heck her last name is Parkinson, can it get more caricature-isch)

Luna: child of conspiracy theorists that reflect their exact beliefs and wierdness

To name some of the female characters

I've seen someone use these characters to prove that jk personally had massive internalised misogyny and... no, it's a reflection of common tropes of female characters in the 1990s when the world and characters were made (and these tropes still exist today)

Tropes have gotten kind of a bad name lately (sUbVeRtInG eXpEcTaTiOnS), in part because people are becoming more conscious about problematic implications some really popular tropes have and rightfully (!!) demand they be treated better but tropes aren't inherently bad, they're just tools.

(The reason Harry Potter feels so homey to me is that you're having one 'I understood that reference'-moment after the next, the wokeness of these tropes is overdue for debate but it makes for a damn good children's book)

When Harry Potter had its biggest boom people were literally making memes descripting Rowling as the goddess of writing (to bash Stephanie Meyer, mostly) and that, people is on us. We put the work of a single mum living in poverty as the gold standard and all of us wanted to be represented by it (that's too many damn people to be represented in anything ever, this book is second to the bible in languages it is translated in!!!l) and felt personally let down when it didn't hold up.

So we can take the bitterness out of liking Harry Potter, say 'It wasn't originally that deep but the grounds soft and I'm ready to dig and make it whatever I need it to be for me', make our head cannons and just leave cancel culture behind.

2020 twitter terf JK however? A wold renowned author and 'feminist' with a huge following? That kind of person should be held to higher standards. Heck, LGBTQ organisations even reached out in good faith to explain the whole thing and she refused.

That's what's putting me in full "WE WERE ROOTING FOR YOU WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU HOW DARE YOU??!" mode

Refusing to educate yourself when it's being presented to you in bite-sized pices just don't fly in 2020.

Tl:dr: the HP-series = less problematic than you think, jkr in the 90s = as woke as other people in her time and situation aka not much but what the hell, jkr today = exactly as problematic as it seems

hey do you think you could expand a bit on separating the art from the artist? clearly you’ve done it with jk rowling but what are your thoughts on it as a general idea?

okay, but you’re not going to like the answer.

here’s the truth: you can’t separate the art from the artist. not entirely. HP Lovecraft was an incredibly talented, but much more incredibly racist man. It would nice to say you don’t agree with his views but you can enjoy his works without that leaking in but…. well, I’m afraid that would be misunderstanding his books entirely.

Consider, for a second, that Lovecraft’s works were horror stories about extradimensional alien monsters having mutant children with humans, they were about invasions from distant monsters, they were about the purity of quaint European towns being tainted. Consider how this may have all been inflicted by the fact that he just simply despised anybody who wasn’t white. Consider how is opinions on “mixing the races” might fight into this; consider why being unable to maintain the “purity” of white Europe was the scariest thing of all to him.

This extends to Rowling too.

I would love to say we can just acknowledge that she is an awful, racist, antisemitic, transphobic person and then say “but at least her books are good,” because, well, they are, aren’t they? I would say so, for sure. But to suggest that one can separate her from them is…. ridiculous.

Consider why an antisemitic woman wrote about a species of goblins who live among us, but who for the most part keep to themselvesand are maybe a little bit oppressed by the institution, but also hold all the cards, all the money, run the banks.

Consider why a racist woman would write about a species of slaves who loved being enslaved, who enjoyed working for no pay, and cleaning up after humans, with the only small caveat of that they didn’t want to be beaten. Imagine that only the most radical of their species wanted to be free, and he still spent the rest of his life working for no pay and helping out a little white boy and his friends wherever he could. Consider why the only person in the story who thought they should be free, that they should have rights, was treated as an overzealous joke, who was acting against the wishes of those slaves who really LOVE being enslaved. Consider that Rowling went on to say that she kind of considers that girl to be black, now.

Consider why JK Rowling, an open and proud transphobe, wrote Rita Skeeter as having a large square jaw, thick “manly” hands, and dressing incredibly gaudily with the most obvious fake nails and fake teeth and fake hair and fake everything. Consider why a woman who tweets about how trans women are “foxes pretending to be hens to get in the hen house” might write this Rita Skeeter to then illegally transform her body in order to spy on children.

Harry Potter is full of Rowling’s bigotry, start to finish. Not even tangentially, like, “oh the goblins are bad, Rita Skeeter is bad, the house elves are bad, but most of it’s good!” because the deeper you dig and the longer you think the more you realise the entire story is based on her prejudices.

Harry Potter pretends to be an aracial story about found family, but if that were true, why are Harry’s distant ancestors important to who he is today even in the seventh book? Why does Harry have to live with his cousin and aunt and uncle? Because magic inherently prefers blood ties. Whilst Rowling was writing a story that seemed to say, “your heritage is not that important and doesn’t make you better than others” she was still writing a story about a boy who got all of his money through his bloodline, who was protected by living with his bloodline, no matter how evil, who was uniquely able to stop Voldemort because his bloodline passed down the invisibility cloak for generations and generations. Any step Harry takes he is compared to his perfect parents who were exactly like him — he looks just like his father, but he has his mother’s eyes, you know! — consider WHY a woman who is racist might’ve written a story like this. A story that on its surface, condemns a blood caste, but still in every step it takes, validates the idea that blood is thicker than water, and your geneological origin is what makes you special.

You can enjoy Harry Pottwr, of course you can. There are fantastic parts. I love a small group of teenagers deciding to become anarchies rebels and train to fight against fascism in secret. I love the murder mystery plots, I love how the series tells kids that it’s a good thing to be brave, and a good thing to fight injustice, and a good thing to challenge the government. But I cannot separate it from its author because it is such a product of its author. All of the structures of the world, the way things work in the universe, and drenched in Rowling’s beliefs, her bigotries. Of course they are: she made them.

Again. This doesn’t mean you cannot enjoy it. But I think we are past the day where we can pretend that disavowing a bigoted author is enough, and that that somehow separates the text from its bigotry. I think we are past the day where we can pretend that Harry Potter isn’t a deeply, inherently bigoted piece of media. Even the bits we love. I think we are beyond the day where we can truthfully pretend to separate it from her, because she is present through all of it. We MUST recognise its flaws. We MUST admit that she is in every part of it.

[fortheloveofcringe]

August 29,2020, 11:12 p.m.

I had to will myself into submission tonight just to write.

I’ve been feeling incredibly out of my spirit. I’ve been thinking a lot and for several reasons I came up with the conclusion that I must be doing something incredibly wrong or horrible to feel this, low. I can’t read a book. The last one I read, halfway finished was Stephanie Meyers re-telling of Twilight from Edward’s perspective. All I can say is I absolutely dislike romance novels. They make you miss something you don’t want in your life. They make you believe that glossy diamond skin vegetarian vampires can be the only ones who can provide the most accurate form of romance in this world. This assumption may or may not be true but I know for a fact what that novel did to me now versus when I was in sophomore high school.

I feel so cold too.

This coldness, I can’t explain it properly other than not being able to will myself to properly do things anymore. It’s like I’m finally settling in with the fact that nothing really matters and I understand every bit of not feeling yourself, if that self even exist. I don’t want to paint anymore. I don’t want to do youtube anymore, there are so many things that I used to do that fuelled me the hell up, but when I sat back and thought about why I was doing things, I was appalled by my realization that most of it was never for me. I have never done things for myself to myself, there is always someone I’m trying to impress or show-off too. It felt so scary to look at myself in the mirror and realize nothing that I have ever  done was worth of anything to me because it was always intended to leave  mark for other people who I wouldn’t know if they would show up to my funeral given that at some point I do successfully kill myself in this process we call life.

I feel incredibly uninspired. Because the fact is I never ever have liked myself enough to try and impress me. It seems so strange to do that, and I don’t care if a therapist would come inside the house that is my brain and point and stuff and say “Why are you keeping that?”, or “this is how you live?” because again at the end of the day it’s the fear of shame that will motivate me to be productive, not the genuine Anna Kendrick energy when she came up with the cup thing.

I don’t like this. Why have I lived my life like this. To love others, and hate myself.

I hate how misshapen my body is. How up to this point I’m still dealing with acne. How I’m still not well-known and paid for being known even if I have showed my ass off in the name of art and being creative (guess I’m not worth discovering like Mimi or Everythin.) How I’m still single while my ex have probably sucked three hundred dicks before quarantine. How I’m still unemployed and broke. How, after all the self-help books, and School of Life videos and TED-talks and affirmations, dancing in my room through resilience themed songs  and other mind-over-matter exercises, I’m still unhappy. I’m still genuinely, without a trace of doubt, incredibly unhappy.

I must be doing something terribly wrong to be in this position and what hurts me the most is the feeling that I will never have control over it.

[cafeleningrad]

Bookish Questions

Got this most entertaining tag game I would like to thank @mistress-elizabeth for greately!

1. Which book has been on your shelves the longest? Since I moved thrice the recent two years… My Civil law book. At my parent’s place it would be “Kalle Blomquist” by Astrid Lindgren.

2. What is your current read, your last read and the book you’ll read next? Current read: A tale of Love and Darkness by Amos Oz

Last read: Life below stairs by Allison Maloney is last one I actively remember but mostly I’ve been trying to get through my newspapers.

Next read: a lot of text books on Frech semantics, and national constitional rights. ”How to read a book” by Mortimer J.Adler, “Alias Grace” by Margaret Atwood, “23 things they don’t tell you about capitalism” by Ha-Joon Chang

3. Which book does everyone like and you hated? Where shall I begin? “Agnes” by Peter Stamm, “Willhem Tell” by Friedrich Schiller, “Twilight” by Stephanie Meyer, “Milk and Honey” by Rupi Kapur (not hate but I could only find 5 good poems, the rest was the Kafka-Kahlo-syndrome) “Outlander” by Diana Gabaldon, the shadow hunter saga by Cassandra Clare, and so on, and so on…

4. Which book do you keep telling yourself you’ll read, but you probably won’t? “Doktor Faust” by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe… I know, ahame on me

5. Which book are you saving for “retirement?” Thicker fiction books as my currect ambition evolves around Economist articles and explaining International relations.

6. Last page: read it first or wait till the end? I've a bad habit of reading the very last sentence when the beginning is either too long-winded lr the middle too exciting to wait what comes next.

7. Acknowledgements: waste of ink and paper or interesting aside? Only if a certain historical or biographical context is needed to understand the work, or if the author needs to explain something essential, otherwise acknowledgements even by famous people, especially in English literature, take way too much time before allowing me to enter into a book.

8. Which book character would you switch places with? Maybe a backgroudn character of the His dark material worlds just to know what daemon I have otherwise, I can do without sopa opera worthy love complications and living in circumstances without an enlightened mindset and atibiotics.

9. Do you have a book that reminds you of something specific in your life (a person, a place, a time)? A Dutch short story collection… I wasn’t too eager about it but my mother made me a present after an awful week so it has an inofficial value. A three piece Oscar Wilde works colection I got in the most beautiful bookshop I’ve ever set my foot into, back in Ireland.

10. Name a book you acquired in some interesting way. Once I’ve been having lunch in a terrasse on my free day in Ireland. The tereasse was cozy, directly connected to my beloved bookshop. Next to me an elderly, well dressed coupe from Dublin somehow got into a conversation with me. Telling them I was currently reading Irish folk tales, and yes, it’s the first time, I’ve been in Ireland, oh, and I read all three books of Frank McCourt, the husband suddenly stood up and disssapeared in the bookshop. Five minutes later he put “Twenty Years a growing” with a bright smile into my hands and told me, this was a must-read of Irish literature. A wonderful book, offered by strangers.

11. Have you ever given away a book for a special reason to a special person? Despite my huge dislike towards Christmas, I adore choosing books for friends. Either I try finding pretty copies of well liked stories or try to find little jewels to surprise them.

12. Which book has been with you to the most places? My sketch book Gosick by Kazuki Sakuraba

13. Any “required reading” you hated in high school that wasn’t so bad ten years later? A lot of Dorste-Hülshoff and “Der Elkönig” - they came up all the time, as if no other poets existed even toguh these aren’t bad poems on themselves. Otherwise I still hold on on my opinions I had about my liked and disliked books.

14. What is the strangest item you’ve ever found in a book? A pressed foxglove.

15. Used or brand new? For textbooks I am glad if I can get them second hand for a way cheaper price but for books I earnestly want to keep for my small library, I prefer them in a good shape (the former ownership is secondary, though).

16. Stephen King: Literary genius or opiate of the masses? I didn’t read much of his works. Some are well written, he's an outstanding figure in his genre but it isn’t like he invented the literature wheel a second time.

17. Have you ever seen a movie you liked better than the book? [Sopiler!] Stardust! I should be cnflicted as Neil Gaiman’s original has of course a more profound moral but how could I resist Rober De Niro as drag pritate and Michelle Pfeiffer as evil witch?

18. Conversely, which book should NEVER have been introduced to celluloid? Dune by Frank Herbert! The topics in these books are happening too intensely on a mental level, characters struggling mostly with inner conflict, most of the story happens in the character’s heads - even for great actors, transporting entire theological, philosophical, and politcal conflicts is impossible to express with facial expression alone. The neverending story by Micharel Ende, what a disgrace. A Song of Ice and Fire, nothing against the actors but the script and essential plotlines are shite. Harry Potter but from a personal estimation as the imagination faded with the movies

19. Have you ever read a book that’s made you hungry, cookbooks being excluded from this question?Any book with an oppulent feast scene. Perhaps one was an Agatha Christie novel taking place at a Christmas dinner table.

20. Who is the person whose book advice you’ll always take? My guitar teacher, one of the most sophisticated people I had the chance to meet. Then a friend of mine looking and acting like a junior professor. And last but not least @sophoclesbowtie !

This has been grand fun so Inpass on to: @valentinevilleforts , @sophoclesbowtie , @21st-century-flapper , @janiedean , @robb-greyjoy , @lordhellebore , @onbanksofanamelessriver @princegrisejoie , @mrs-storm-andrews , @proskenion04