#stef what are SPACE DESSERTS

[savedbythenotepad]

TALK TO ME ABOUT TONY AND PETER QUILL AND A DATE WHERE THEY ONLY EAT SPACE DESSERTS

BUT LIKE, WHAT ARE EVEN SPACE DESSERTS???

THAT’S MY QUESTION. 

That’s also Tony’s question too when Peter gives Tony a cone filled with BRIGHT ASS COLORED ICE CREAM. 

“Is it radioactive??” Tony asks because what the hell, it’s GLOWING.

“Not that I’m aware of,” Peter replies, and takes a bite out of the ice cream because he’s an animal. 

Tony doesn’t know what to feel.

[geminioriginalsimagines]

Dirty Secret

Requests: “91 and 99 with Enzo from the prompt list please?”

“Y/N...please just give Enzo some time. He’ll text you when he’s ready.” Damon argued on the other line. “Don’t roll your eyes either young lady I know you did.” That’s exactly what she did. “Look he’s going through a rough patch right now and it’s not really my business to tell. He’ll tell you when he’s ready. But he did tell me to tell you he loves you very much.”

“Wait...Damon please...” She begged and covered her eyes with her hand. “Just wait a second...”

“Mhmm bye bye now.” And like that she was off the phone. Wow. Damon hung up on her. She’s really going to slap him next time she sees him. Regardless she had to grab her keys and get ready for her last day of school before summer vacation. She smoothed down her sun dress and smiled in the mirror, flipping her beautiful long hair over her shoulder and fixing the strap of her bag over her shoulder and bouncing down the stairs, out the front door and to her car.

The ride to school felt like it was a long one but in reality it was only ten minutes. This last day of school was supposed to be the best. She was going to take her last final, say goodbye to her friends and favorite teachers and then Enzo was going to bring her to dinner as a congratulations to moving up to her senior year the next coming fall. 

But he wasn’t talking to her. Yes it hurt and yes it had been a whole four days since she had saw him last. And that was only for a brief five minutes where she had to pick up her clothes she left in the Salvatore’s house when she stayed with them for the weekend. She didn’t take his absence personally but figured it could have been something to do with the both of them as a whole. 

Damon Salvatore and Stefan Salvatore were like her older brothers and they had introduced the both of them at a party they hosted for Elena and Caroline. Bonnie couldn’t make it for some odd reason and originally she was just going to hook up with Kai just because he’s insanely attractive and was staring at her the whole night from the dessert table. But then Enzo came along with the brothers and his accent melted her heart and he charmed his way into scoring her as his girlfriend. That was already a whole year ago. 

Y/N put her car in park in her parking space and grabbed her bag and keys, making her way to her only class of the day. Every body seemed so happy, there were footballs being thrown across the front lawn of the school, girls cheering and giggling, guys laughing and punching at each other. All the while Y/N climbed the stairs to the front of the school and made her way to her locker to start cleaning it out before the first bell rang. 

The main hallway was crowded, nobody really cared or knew where they were going. Until a smaller crowd cleared in front of her locker she was headed to and Enzo was standing by her locker. Nobody seemed to notice him and he looked normal. Like there was nothing wrong at all. She made her way to him and now she realized just how agitated she was with him. “Well good morning Gorgeous.” He complimented but she just stared up at him waiting for an explanation. 

There was a silence between the both of them until he spoke again. “There was no excuse for my absence Y/N. I apologize, I needed time away and...”

“Let’s not do this here. Please.” She whispered. The bell rang and kids were pushing by to get to their first class. In just a few moments they had the hallway to themselves. “I do want to talk about it-” She unlocked her locker and grabbed her textbooks to turn in. “But I have a last day to get to and an exam to take. And all of a sudden my boyfriend wants to be my boyfriend again.” 

She slammed the locker shut. Enzo gently grabbed her arm, his hands were ice cold. Instead of sparks like normal she just felt frozen on the spot. She ripped her arm away. That had never happened before. “What the hell was that Enzo?” 

He clapped his hands together, pressing the palms close and then ran one hand through his hair. “Love, look...if you’ll let me explain...”

“Enzo really...you ignored me for four whole days. I’m pretty sure your explanation can wait two hours.” She didn’t mean to sound harsh and she didn’t even think she was this upset about it until she saw him for the first time in four days. 

Now she was just expressing her disappointment. Enzo chuckled as she tried to brush by but he slapped his hand against the locker door. Y/N’s eyes widened and she jumped. He realized he may have scared her some and removed his hand from the locker, and they both noticed the dent his hand had left before. “What the hell is the matter Enzo. You’re different.” She backed away from him slowly. 

Enzo stepped toward her. “Love...there’s nothing different. I’m still me. It’s me, Enzo.” He reassured her and tried to grab for her arms again to caress her. But she remembered the cold chill he’d inflicted on her and she pulled away just before he could touch her. 

“Look, I get out in two hours. Okay? We can go right to lunch and you can explain to me what happened...if you’re acting like this because I sounded rude that’s not what I had in mind.” She tried to brush by again but this time he stepped in her way. “Enzo...”

“Y/N it’s a silly test.” 

“Enzo...it’s to help me pass so I can get to senior year. We’ve already had this discussion.” She says and Enzo huffs. “Okay look I’m not arguing so let me get to class-” 

“I’ve been going against a lot of rules dear, all to make sure I could come see you today.” He grumbled, walking at her and matching her steps as she walked backward away from him. “So many rules.” He whispered to her. 

Y/N’s back hit a locker and she peered up at Enzo who was towering over her. “W-what rules? I-”

“It’s been a rough four days Lovey and I’m not supposed to be here until I’m all better.” His hand was shaking as he reached up and placed his ice cold hand on her neck. She flinched away from his cold hand. “I can assure you I’m not better but I just had to see my girl.”

“Enzo you’re scaring me.” And just like that Enzo retracted his hand away from her neck and they just stared at each other. He looked down at his finger tips where they had just traced her carotid artery just under her perfect, smooth flesh on her neck. How satisfying it’d be to bite into...how warm the skin is and how warm the blood was that flows underneath, just into the vein. If he punctured it right, he could control that blood flow. Damon taught him that years ago. 

The thought of the warm blood trickling down his throat made his stomach twirl, his face was warm and his gums were throbbing. “Why do your eyes look like that?” Enzo looked up and realized he was seeing red. Y/N pressed herself up against the locker further. Enzo opened his mouth to say something, instead tiny daggers freed themselves from his gums and the network of patterns crawling under his eyes almost distracted her from the fact his eyes were a dark red. 

She held a hand to her mouth to keep herself from screaming and she felt like she was about to faint. Her legs buckled and Enzo caught her before she hit the ground. Her books and bag fell with several loud bangs. Her breathing was heavy, its all she heard instead of Enzo assuring her to breathe and when she looked up he was normal again. His eyes were the beautiful brown she fell in love with and his face was the smooth, perfect skin she was familiar with. And his teeth were straight and pearly white, definitely no fangs to be found. 

She was wrapped in Damon’s fuzzy blanket, sitting in front of the fireplace thinking about everything. Questioning herself, questioning her friends. But there were no tears. Not yet. The fire burned, crackling in front of her and she could feel the warmth heating up her face. That was until somebody was standing in front of her. When she looked up it was Damon. He handed her a cup of water and didn’t say much. 

He took a seat on the ottoman next to her and stared into the flames with her. “He thinks you hate him.” He said quietly. Y/N could never hate Enzo, even though she should now. “I know you don’t. But I think he needs to hear it from you.” Damon looked over and waited. For any kind of response. 

Y/N finally looked over and Damon could see the emotion on her face. It was all hitting at once. “Those people that die? That are killed? Who did that Damon.” It wasn’t even a question. “Did Enzo do that?” 

“You know Enzo hasn’t made a kill since he’s met you.” He admits quietly.

“Is that supposed to make it better Damon?!” She shouted. “None of this is okay! And you guys couldn’t even have told me sooner! I thought we were closer than that?!” Here come the water works. To her right Stefan took a seat next to her with his head low. 

“I’m sorry Y/N.” Damon fixed his jaw. “I don’t know what else to say.” 

“There’s nothing else to say. It turns out that the people who I thought were my second family...I don’t even know them.” She choked. “I don’t know any of you people.” 

Stefan sighed. “Well of course you do.” He caressed her hair. “We’re a family...”

“You all have had so many life times to change yourselves. I don’t know any of you.” She sniffled. 

Stefan pulled her close. Enzo watched from a distance with his head resting against the door frame of the parlor. Caroline and Elena joined in and watched as the brothers did their best to ease their friend’s mind. “That’s the thing Y/N. No matter how hard we try to change ourselves our old lives come flooding right back in. The Enzo you know is the Enzo we know.” Stefan whispered but the vampires watching in the distance heard it loud and clear.

“Stef, maybe we should give them privacy.” Damon stood and Stefan kissed Y/N’s forehead before leaving her alone. Or so she thought. As quickly as the brothers left Enzo appeared and took Stefan’s place. The crowd was gone and it was just the both of them left with raw emotion. 

“What happened...in those four days.” Y/N hissed. “That you had to stay away from me?” 

Enzo steepled his fingers under his chin. “I lost control.” He answered simply. “I almost killed somebody for the first time in a year and I knew if I did I wouldn’t be able to look at you ever again without my guilt eating me alive.” 

Y/N sucked in a sharp breath of air. “So vampires feel guilt?” 

“So much that we sometimes have to shut it off.” He said quietly. “It’s like a switch and when we flip it there is no more pain. No more suffering.” 

She shifted and made the first move to look over at him. “What else can you do?” 

Enzo thought for a long second and then looked over at her. She was so vulnerable, so helpless and scared. Yet so beautiful. “We can control minds. If you’re trying to get at killing, we don’t have to kill to stay alive. I’ve been using blood bags from the hospital...” 

“Have you ever wanted to...”

“No.” He answered quickly. “I have never wanted to hurt you, Y/N. Seeing you like this...” He ran a hand through his hair. “It’s killing me to see you this way.” 

There was a silence. “I’d like to be alone.” She whispered and Enzo paused, and said no more and left her alone in the parlor. She cried and hugged the fuzzy blanket closer to her body and felt the fire warm her face once more.

Y/N rolled over when her alarm clock was ringing like mad in her ear and slapped the top of it to turn it off. She stared at the ceiling. Her first week into her summer break and she was feeling down. She wrapped her blanket around her shoulders and made her way to the bathroom. She stared at herself in the mirror and to be honest she felt and looked like trash. 

She hadn’t talked to any of the Salvatores, or Enzo, even Caroline and Elena or Bonnie in a whole week. The thought of Enzo being alone made her stomach turn. This wasn’t easy on the both of them and she knew that. But how could she face him when she made it clear to him he was dangerous? 

He begged her not to walk out that night. But she did. She left him and whether he cried or not afterward was on him. Or maybe he had to turn off his humanity like he explained? Did she mean enough to him for him to feel like he could? 

Y/N made her way downstairs and rummaged through her fridge. A knock on the door interrupted her and she rolled her eyes. The sun shined through the door and it was too bright for her liking. When she opened the door, Caroline stood there with a bag in her hand and a huge smile on her face. 

“I know you said you didn’t want to see any of us right now but I don’t care. A friend is still a friend and honey you need a whole makeover.” She glanced down at Y/N’s un-shaved legs and tried her best not to comment. “And um when was the last time you used your shower?” 

Y/N rolled her eyes and began to close the door. “Goodbye Caroline...” But Caroline pushed the door open and made her way through the house. “Right...” She watched the blonde put her bags down on the dining room table. “I forgot...you’re all invited in so even if I want to ignore you I can’t.” She made her way to the table where Caroline was setting up boxes. 

“What is all of this?” 

Caroline turned to her friend and was just so happy and giddy it made Y/N want to puke. “I brought my makeup kit, a uh...super good razor for those legs and I’m sure those armpits need it too, I bought you a new outfit. And Ben and Jerry’s ice cream just in case we need a good cry today I will eat this with you.” 

Y/N almost cracked a smile. “A good cry? For what?” 

Caroline giggled. “If I’m giving you a makeover and you have that attitude? Please. And if you start talking about Enzo while I’m doing so...yeah we’ll need the ice cream.” She un-packaged the ice cream pints and shoved them in the freezer. 

“Okay...what’s the occasion?” She asked while looking through the bags. 

“Puh-lease, Y/N. Anyone knows you’ve been locked away in this house for the past week thinking about Enzo. God knows he hasn’t come out of his bedroom since you walked out on him. Stefan says he won’t even take a blood bag. And that’s a new record. Trust me he’s never one to turn food down.” Y/N swallowed the lump in her throat. “So I’m going to make you smoking hot again, and you’re going to face your man. Makeup with him or make out.” She winked. 

“How are you so positive about all of this?” 

Caroline’s look became serious. “When I first turned into a vampire...it was really hard. Bonnie wouldn’t even look at me. Damon wanted to kill me and Stefan and Elena were the only ones who stood up for me. My mother found out, she couldn’t take it so we had to compel her to forget just so she would talk to me.” Y/N looked at the ground. 

“So you know what it’s like when people walk out on you because you’re different...” Y/N concluded. 

Caroline nodded. “I’m not telling you you don’t have to remember everything that’s happened since Enzo came to town or when you started putting two and two together. But Y/N you have a good man and he loves you so much. He’s still the same Enzo you fell in love with. I mean does him being a vampire really change anything in your heart at all?” The way Caroline held her hands made her feel safe and comforted. 

Y/N sighed. Caroline was right. “Make me hot again.” She grinned and Caroline responded with an eager clap of her hands. 

Y/N took it upon herself to find Damon’s hidden freezer of blood in the basement as a peace offering to Enzo. She never expected ever in her life she’d have to hold a blood bag and here she is in front of his door, waiting to knock. She smoothed her blouse out and tucked her hair behind her ear. How could this be so nerve wracking? Since she was the one who basically cut it off? 

She swallowed her heart back down and made three knocks. “Currently dying. Be with you in a jiffy.” Sounded from inside. Y/N pushed the door open and Enzo was found inside, laying on his back across his bed. His eyes were closed. “Typically that means go away...” He paused and then opened his eyes and glanced at the door. Y/N quietly closed the door behind her and waited for a greeting. Or any kind of response to her presence. 

Enzo couldn’t believe how beautiful she looked. Did she not care at all? “I came to talk.” She admitted softly. “About everything. About you, about us, about what I said.” She swallows the lump in her throat. “But you have to understand that the way I found out...” They look at each other for a split second. “Enzo I love you. Okay? I love you.”

His heart flipped in his chest only she couldn’t hear what she did to him. The corner of his mouth lifted with a half smile. “I’ve thought it over…I want to be with you still. You being a vampire doesn’t change how I feel about you.” She finally admits. His ears perk up. “I thought this only happens in shows or really bad movies...” She trails off and hides her blush and smile with her hands on her forehead. Enzo sits up and crookedly smiles at her. 

“Don’t say anything else.” He whispers and when she uncovers her face he’s in front of her. Right, she forgot they can move silently and quickly. Now she looks up at him and Enzo places both hands on her neck. His touch was warm as opposed to his ice cold skin a week ago. 

He pulls her close and locks their lips together quickly and passionately. Y/N was the first to break away and clenched Enzo’s shirt in his fists. “I’m totally going to ruin the moment.” She whispers and he searches her face with amusement. 

“You’re still weary?” He asks. Y/N’s silence confirmed his thoughts and she closed her eyes. She had gotten so lost in their kiss that she forgot everything she was upset about and everything that he was. 

“I trust you Enzo. I do but I still can’t forget everything that’s happened in town. My friends lied to me.” She reasons. He nods after listening and thinks of what to say to her next but nothing comes. She is justified to be upset with them, especially him. “Everything that I feel for you is magnified now and I want to be with you more than ever. But it’s the lying I can’t take anymore. Do you have any idea what it’s like to be friends with somebody for so long and then find out they’re not who you thought they were?” 

He nods down to her. “I understand. Listen, Love, at the time it was your best interest to keep you out. If you are exposed to this there are risks...risks that I wasn’t willing to take.” 

“And what exactly is that?” She clutches his shirt tighter. Enzo tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and cups her cheek gently. 

“Enemies flood in by the dozen, oftentimes many more.” He says. “They will stop at nothing to weaken us as a whole. And Y/N if they knew you knew about me, this, us they would harm you to hurt me.” 

Y/N could tell this was hard for him to say. And suddenly fear rose in her stomach and she felt butterflies. Enzo could hear her heart beat quicken and shook his head at her. “I won’t let that happen, Y/N you will never know harm while I am here.” He then reaches down and grabs her hand, locking their fingers together. “And I’d never hurt you myself. Your friends adore you, please as hard as it is to understand we just wanted you safe.” 

It was hard to understand. Especially for a human mind. She didn’t have the responsibility to make sure others were safe so her intentions were always simple. “I can learn to accept it.” She says. 

Enzo smiles at her and presses their foreheads together. “There is so much I want to show you and to tell you. I won’t hold back.” 

Y/N nods and closes her eyes again and melts into his chest. This was where she felt the safest. And to be honest it just felt normal again. Nothing changed the way she felt about him. “Tell me.” She says softly. Enzo wraps his other arm around her waist and carries her to his bed and wraps her in a fuzzy blanket and lays his head on his pillow at the same time she does. He tells his stories while caressing her cheek until she falls asleep, listening to his calming voice and feeling back at home in his arms where she belongs.

[ficdirectory]

Blink (An AU Fosters family fic) Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12

“I would appreciate it if you didn’t walk away from me while we’re talking,” Stef says, voice strained.

Jesus breathes.  Tries not to give into the energy she’s putting out and yell back at her.  His head is killing him, so he’d rather not find himself bashing it again, either.  But he’s got no backup.  Everyone else is still sleeping.

“What did you need to do out there so urgently?”

“See that dog,” he mumbles.

“Yes, and I suppose the dog threw you something, too?  What was it?”

Jesus’s hand goes to his pocket protectively.  “Nothing,” he says.  

“You cannot just take things from people, love.”

“I didn’t.  They gave it to me,” Jesus says.

“Hey, what’s going on down here?” Mama asks.

Jesus hurries to her side, his arms full of everything he needs, gathered from where he left it on the table.  Better to be next to her than around Mom’s crazy energy.  (He’d have no idea she loved him at all anymore if he hadn’t heard it last night.  The way she’s talking to him right now?  It doesn’t make him feel loved.)

“He’s sleeping under the table!” Stef hisses.

“So?” Mama asks.  “Honey, I’m sure Jesus has a good reason for sleeping where he is.  All the bedrooms have doors here, right?” she asks, looking to Jesus for confirmation.

He nods even though it makes his headache worse.

“If he’s sleeping under the table, it means he feels safer there than he does in his room with Brandon and Jude.  Is that right?”

Nod.

“So, I’m the bad guy.  Again,” Stef says, tossing the blankets in the living room forcefully.  She goes back to their room, and shuts the door harder than necessary.

Jesus winces.  

“Come here.  Sit down with me,” Mama urges, walking to the couch and patting a space next to her.  

He does, setting his sweatshirt, waters and blanket next to him.  He keeps the backpack on, reversed, over his coat.  Until he has the chance to move the hot chocolate packet to his bag, Jesus wants both his coat and his bag close.

“Are you nervous, honey?” she asks.

“Why?” he asks.

“Your bag’s turned around.”

Jesus meets her eyes, surprised.  “Yeah, I am.  ‘Cause Mom was mad at me again,  And I didn’t even do anything this time, I swear.  She just thinks I can’t do anything.”

(Mama can just sit there and the words pour out of Jesus.  It’s a character flaw about her that’s not a flaw at all.  People just open up to her.)

“Things have been pretty hard for you,” she observes.

Jesus winces again.

“Is your head bothering you?” Mama asks, concerned.

“It’s okay…” he hedges.  He shifts away from her a little.  Doesn’t need this right now.

“I know being hurt is a trigger for you, Jesus.  I need to see what’s wrong in order to know how to help you feel better.  Is that something you can tolerate?”

Is she kidding?  He’s tolerated so much more than somebody looking at his head.  He nods.

“Yes?” she checks.

“Yeah.  Fine.”

But when she reaches out and cups one hand behind his head, feeling the massive goose egg he’s got growing back there, Jesus can’t take it.  Feels blindsided.

His mind does something weird this time: instead of going to Level 1 (distant, but here) Level 2 (Cookie Land, to cope when he’s hungry or when stuff is getting to be too much) or Level 3 (automatic, that comes with panic attacks) it does something else.

A memory:

Jesus is five.  In the grocery store with Stef and Lena, and touching everything in an overstimulated kid-frenzy.  (He and Mariana had never been in a grocery store before.  It was what he imagined heaven was like.  More food than he could ever eat.)  He touches all the fruit, and everything on the shelves, not even hearing Stef and Lena talking.

Only when Lena gets in front of him, and down on his level, blocking him from banging on the cabinet with all the desserts in it can he focus on her.  “We look with our eyes, Jesus.  Not with our hands.”

In the end, he and Mariana had been put in the cart.  Him in back, and Mari in front.

Right about now, Jesus wishes he could make Mama stay in a cart or something.  For something to make her stop touching him like this without even asking first.

When something cold is pressed into his hands, Jesus blinks:

“What?” he asks, his voice flat.

“Ice, bud.  For your head.  Put it back there,” Mama prompts.

He does.  But being cold like this makes him feel stuck.  Like he can’t talk for real to her about all the touching without consent that’s been happening.

“You okay?” she asks gently.  “You want some Tylenol?”

Jesus shakes his head once.

“You know,” she says after a minute.  “I think you might feel much better after a shower.  Grandpa did say we could all use it.  Including you.”

Jesus takes the ice off his head.  Forces his voice to work.  “I will, I promise, but can I ask a question?”  He feels desperate, or he would never disagree after Lena touched him, but he needs to know.

“Of course, Jesus.  You don’t have to ask permission,” she says gently, but he doesn’t trust the gentleness right now.

“What about Pearl?” he asks.  His voice is still flat, but with a bit of an edge.

“Who?”

“The neighbor.  Can I still go over?”

“What did you do over there yesterday?” Mama wonders.  

“She let me call Dr. Hitchens.  So I could keep my Monday appointment.  We Skyped.”

“What about the rest of the time?” Mama presses.  “That explains an hour, but what else were you doing?”

“Hanging out.  I just needed a break.  It’s quieter over there.  She and Dr. H. agreed I could come back if I need to again.”

“Okay, well, I’d still feel better if I talked to her first.”

“Mama, why?  Seriously.  Please don’t embarrass me.”  Jesus says it before he can think it through.  Flinches.  

Jesus knows she sees it, but she smiles and says, “It’s my job to embarrass my teenage children a little.”

(That doesn’t help.  Back Then, He used to humiliate Jesus for fun.  Isaac, too.  Probably Ethan, the last boy He took right before Jesus got away.)

“In order to feel comfortable having you go there, I need to meet her myself.  Say hello.  Check her out.” Lena reasons.

“She’s not a bad person.  She’s nice,” Jesus insists.  (God.  What is he doing talking back to her like this?  Shut up, shut up, shut up.  Just play dumb.  You’re good at that, His voice sneaks in,)

“Honey.  You have such a good heart,” Lena says, like she feels bad for him.  “You see good in everyone you meet.  But everyone is not good.  I’m not saying Peal’s bad.  Just that I would like to see for myself.”

Jesus clenches his teeth, insult making his ears burn.  He has no idea where Moms got the sense that he had such piss-poor judgment.  By his way of thinking, Jesus had a better gut instinct about people than anyone else in his family because of what he’d been through.  But they insist that he’s dumb about this stuff, which is worse than almost any other feeling for him.  Especially since He just crept into Jesus’s head like a stalker and told Jesus to play dumb.  Not good.

“So, keep this with you,” Lena says, gesturing to the ice pack.  “Take a shower, and while you do that, I’ll go next door and talk to Pearl.  You said she’s up?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.  When you’re done, we’ll have breakfast.”

Jesus’s stomach twists.  He wonderes if she realizes just how much of an ultimatum breakfast and Pearl sound like.  And combined with a shower as the bargaining chip, he just feels gross.  But he stands up, and takes his coat off.  Walks upstairs and finds his overnight bag on the landing, where he’s started keeping it, always unzipped, so he can get to his clothes without that awful sound.

“Hey,” Mariana says, crouching next to him.  (She’s already dressed.  That’s a first.)  “You okay today?”

“I gotta shower…” he mutters.  His heart beats hard.

“Need backup?” she asks.

“Kinda?”

Mariana’s quiet, thinking.  “So, how would you feel about wearing clothes in there?  Like shorts and a tee shirt?”

“Okay,” he says, reaching for them.

“Hey.  Stop.  Look at me,” she says, like he’s confusing her.

He does.

“Honesty’s our thing, remember?  You don’t have to “yes” me or “okay” me, ever.  I respect you as a person.  And I would never just want you to go along with what you think I want, if you’re not okay with it.”

“They think I’m dumb…” he admits, feeling miserable.

“Who?” Mariana looks ready to take them on.

“Moms.  Him.”

“He didn’t see you as a person.  He didn’t respect you.  But Moms do.  So what happened to make you think they don’t?”

Jesus shrugs.  “I gotta do this, though,” he says nodding toward the bathroom door.  “So, can you, like, give me five minutes in there with the water on, and if I’m not out, come get me?”

“Of course.  I can stand guard, too.  And sing.  Ooh.  What song should I sing?  I know some good ones.”

“You don’t have to…” he hedges.

“But you don’t have Brandon’s YouTube because of the crappy service here.  But...you do have me…  Come on.  Tell me what to sing, and I’ll sing it.”

“I won’t be able to hear you…” he mutters.

“Oh, I can be loud…” she grins.

“People are sleeping,” Brandon calls from the boys’ room.

“People should be up,” Mariana insists.

Jesus takes a deep breath and makes himself go into the bathroom.  Closes the door.  Locks it.

“Um.  Do I have your consent to pick this once five minutes are up?” Mariana asks.

“Yeah.  Yes.  Five minutes of water on, though.  Don’t start counting yet.”

“I’m not.  I think I’m gonna sing some Sam Smith.  What do you think?”

“No idea who that is.”

“Awesome.  That’s what I like to hear.” Mariana cheers.  

Jesus focuses on talking to her, not on taking off anything.  Or putting on anything.  He turns on the water gets in.  And outside the door, Mariana’s wailing some chorus that says “stay with me” a lot.  She picks the best songs.

With her singing, he doesn’t even need her to come get him.  He can do it himself.

His head still hurts.  And Moms still think he’s dumb as a brick, but the day is slowly getting better.  He drops the wet clothes on the ground and dries off, before getting dry ones on.  Mariana’s still singing.  

--

Pearl jumps as she hears a knock on her door.  She’s not expecting anyone, but her heart does a little leap at the thought that it could be Jesus coming to visit again.

She looks out the window.  Not him.  His mom.  His other mom.  Not Stef.  Gracie’s at her side.  So Pearl opens the door.  “Yes?”

“Pearl?  I’m Lena Adams Foster.  Jesus is my son.  You met yesterday.”

“Of course.  Come in,” Pearl says, swallowing.  Her least favorite words for unexpected company.  This was what she was afraid of.

“I just want to apologize if Jesus was an imposition at all.  I know he spent quite a bit of time here.”

“No.  He wasn’t.”  Pearl doesn’t know if Lena catches exactly where her emphasis hits, but frankly, she doesn’t much care if she does.  Who apologizes for their son being traumatized?

Pearl stands, arms crossed, Gracie braced against her leg to keep Lena back.  Pearl doesn’t invite her to sit down.

“Jesus told me you said he could come back.  I was just checking that that’s actually okay with you. You don’t have to be polite with me.”

Oh, don’t tempt me… Pearl thinks.

“Jesus is a great kid,” she says instead.  “He’s welcome back anytime he needs a break.  I told him that.  Now I’m telling you.  Run a background check on me.  Whatever you need to do to ease your mind, but don’t punish him for something he really needs.”

“Of course.  Well, thank you for letting me stop by unannounced.  You have a lovely place here.”

Not like you gave me much choice…  Pearl thinks, on edge still.  Gracie nudges her hand.

Pearl clears her throat, nodding.  It keeps her from rushing Lena out the door and slamming it in her face.  Thankfully, this time, Lena takes the hint and lets herself out.

“I was wrong,” Pearl says, dragging in a breath.  “It’s not the thousands of children.  It’s their parents.”

Gracie stays close, barking lightly.  She knows when Pearl just needs a response.  To feel heard.  She’s a great listener.

--

Jesus survived the shower, with Mariana’s help.  Today, none of them go outside, and Jesus is pretty sure it’s because of him. Everything feels like it’s heaped in stipulations now.

(He got breakfast, and Mama talked to Pearl because Jesus took a shower.)  He started wondering what he’d have to do for lunch.  For dinner.  Would they let him have dinner after he freaked them out so much?

For now, he’s trying to focus on hanging out with Frankie, who had alerted him that she needed help down the stairs this morning by calling, “Backup!” at the top of her lungs.

Mom and Mama shook their heads, but Jesus rushed to meet her and carry her down. He liked being somebody’s backup for a change.  

“You promised you’d play with me, remember?” she’d asked.  But now, she seems totally uninterested.

“Hey, you said you wanted to play with me, right?” he checks.  

Mom and Mama are checking out the farm nearby, which is also part of Grandpa’s property.  Usually that would make Jesus feel hella anxious, but he needs a break from them.   Brandon’s in charge.  Which means he literally won’t take his eyes off Jesus.  It makes Jesus feel uneasy, but not as bad as if Mom and Mama were around.  Jude, Callie and Mariana are also right here.  So that adds to his security level.  

“Hold on,” Frankie says, putting a hand right in his face.  She mutters under her breath, making her stuffed bear and doll talk to each other

“--gotta go check the lake again that he didn’t fall through the ice--”

“--I can’t believe--”

“--I can’t live if he’s gone again, okay?  I can’t do it again--”

“What’s wrong with Happy and Dolly?” Jesus tries.

“No!” Frankie turns her back.  “You can’t be in the game.  That’s the whole point, okay?”

Jesus holds his hands up.  “Okay.  You sound mad, buddy,”

Frankie turns and glares at him.  “I am.”

“Well, I’m just gonna make a fort in the kitchen.  You can come inside if you want.  I’m probably just gonna...I don’t know...hang out and color.”

Jesus sends a look to Jude.  Play along, he begs silently.

Jude’s eyes light up, thrilled at any chance to act.  “Hey, can I come in your fort?  I wanna color really bad.”

“Nope,” Jesus says.  “This fort can only fit me and the smallest person in our family.”

“Well, I can be small,” Jude insists, curling up.

“No, you can’t.  It’s only for Jesus and me or only Jesus or only me,” Frankie insists bossily.

Jesus raises his eyebrows.

“I think you may have just gotten evicted…” Callie mutters under her breath, looking away from the Chopped marathon on TV.

“It’s not even made yet,” Jesus argues lightly, picking out blankets from the living room and bringing them to the kitchen to redrape the table.  It’s done in a few minutes and he grabs paper and crayons and goes inside.

It’s not just that he’s trying to get Frankie to come talk to him.  Jesus really does need to express a lot and there’s no way to really do that without upsetting people around him.  So, he decides to try and draw it.  His head still hurts.  So he draws an egg with a crack in it.  Two eyes peer out of the crack, but what’s inside the egg stays hidden.  Kinda like Jesus is hidden away from Brandon’s staring.

He draws a nest and wonders where the Mom birds even are.  Not here.  The egg and the thing in the egg is all by itself.  Bummer.

--

Lena sits down at the table in the farmhouse and breathes in.  It’s cold.  But it’s also nice.  Because she has time to think and try to deal with everything that’s been going on lately.

“I think…” she says slowly “we may have made a big mistake coming up here.”

“I tried to warn you,” Stef insists, still looking sleep-deprived and stressed.

“Look, I don’t want to fight.  I just want to talk.  I want to know how you’re doing.”

“How am I doing?  Oh, I am fabulous, Lena.  I’m having dreams about identifying my son’s body…”

Wordless, Lena gets up and walks around the table.  Wraps her arms around Stef from behind.  She can’t imagine the pain Stef carries.  “You could wake me…”

“Why?  So you have the awful images burned into your brain, too?” Stef manages.  “No.  Let’s talk about something else.  Please.”

“Okay.  What do you know about this neighbor of your dad’s?  Pearl-something?”

“Pearl West?  An annoying little kid.  That’s what I remember.”  But it perks her up.  Stef laughs a little.  “I remember this one time up here.  I was thirteen, and she was two.  And she somehow got a hold of my dad’s pliers, and without me seeing her, she got behind me and pinched my butt so hard I had a bruise.”

“No,” Lena gasps, laughing.  “That sounds terrible, honey.”

“Yeah, you sound really broken up about it…  Then, let’s see...I kept my distance.  By the time I was eighteen and she was seven, she was chasing me around asking me to play Barbies with her.  When I was twenty and came up to the cabin to visit for a weekend, she was there.  This skinny as a rail nine-year-old, wanting to know how I did my hair.  What music I listened to.  And of course, if I’d play Barbies with her.  Last time I saw her, she was fourteen.  I came to one of my dad’s barbecues with Mike.  Brandon was about a year old.  She offered to hold him, and never put him down.  She walked around with him, sang to him, played with him.  I didn’t worry about him the whole day, because she took such good care of him.”

Lena raises her eyebrows.  “So, there’s no need for a background check on her?”

Stef noisily expels a breath that turns into a laugh.  “Pearl West? She is the last person who I’d run a check on.  But that probably means I should.  It’s always the ones you don’t suspect, right?”

Lena can see in Stef’s eyes that she’s only half-kidding.

“Why?  What’s your take on her?  You met her, right?  This morning?  How is she now?”

Lena considers this.  “Closed.  Protective of Jesus, though.  Definitely different than you describe her.”

“Well, it’s been, what, seventeen years since I’ve seen her?  People change, love.”

“That they do.  What do you think about Jesus?” Lena tries, cautious.

“Well, I wish he wasn’t sleeping under the dining room table for one thing.  I think he’s fine to go to Pearl’s as needed.  You said Holly also signed off on that?”

“Apparently, they had an entire session on Skype,” Lena offers.

“Huh,” Stef muses.

“There’s just so much going on with him.  It’s hard to know where to start.  It’s like we have to juggle constantly.”

“Then what must it be like for him?”

“Right!” Lena confirms.  “And how do we help him?  I feel so ineffectual right now.”

“I think we just do our best, love.  I need to apologize for snapping at him again this morning and you can keep trying to talk to him.  We need to check in with the other kids, too.  B seemed a little freaked out by Jesus last night.”

“We were all freaked out by that, it’s safe to say,” Lena insists.

“We should probably head back.  I don’t want to leave them alone for too long, especially as we can’t contact each other,” Stef says, getting up.

“Wait,” Lena says, wrapping her arms around Stef.  “I just want to say I love you, and I’m here.”

Stef leans in and kisses her gently.  “I love you.  And when I get myself together, I’ll be here, too.”

--

Frankie sits outside Jesus’s fort.  He’s inside coloring for real.  She feels jealous because coloring is her favorite but more mad because she doesn’t know why.

She kicks at the blankets hanging off the table.

“Buddy?  Is that you?” Jesus calls.

“I am not your buddy,” she pouts.

Jesus’s hand comes out of the blankets.  He pushes some crayons and some paper, too.  Frankie pushes them back at him.

Finally, she can’t stand it anymore and crawls inside, too.  This fort is the very best for coloring, but she’s still mad.  

She sees a picture of an egg all alone inside of a nest, eyes of a bird peeking out.

“Where’s its Moms?” she wonders.

“I don’t know.  Where do you think?”

“Maybe looking for the other bird…” she thinks out loud.

“You think this bird has a sister?”

“Brother…” Frankie whispers.  “And bad birds got him.”

“Oh.  How does this bird feel now?”

“Hiding.”

“It’s hiding in an egg, yeah.  What do you think it’s feeling that makes it wanna do that?”

Frankie takes a piece of paper and a blue crayon.  She draws a face and tears and pushes it toward him.

“S-A-D,” she spells.

“Yeah?  ‘Cause maybe it feels afraid that its brother is gone?”

Frankie shrugs.  “Maybe.”

“I think I would do the same thing that bird is doing.  I think I’d hide, too.”

“Were you playing hide and seek?” Frankie asks.

“What?” Jesus asks.  He hands her a blank paper to color and she just scribbles because it feels good.

“When Moms thought you were gone again for real?”

“No.  I got scared, and a friend helped me.”

“What friend?” Frankie asks.  

“Her name is Pearl, and she lives close by here.  And guess what else?”

“What?” Frankie asks, coloring some yellow.

“She has a dog.  A really nice dog.”

“Can I see it?”

“Yeah, maybe.  I’ll ask her sometime.  It’s important to ask first, right?”

“Yup.  I like our fort,” Frankie whispers.

“Me, too.”

She leans on Jesus’s arm and watches as he makes another shape next to the egg.

“What’s that?”

Jesus doesn’t talk.  So, Frankie just watches, very impressed, as wings and feet and a face and a beak come.  

“The bird’s brother came back…” she says quietly.  “Just like you did, huh?”

“Yeah.  Just like I did.” Jesus nods, and asks if he can give her head a kiss.  She says yes he can.

He does.

She doesn’t feel so mad anymore.

The kiss must’ve been magic.

[thesoundasitfell]

ana gutierrez!

1. Once when she was about 9, she got tired of hearing things like “nice girls don’t” and “sit like a lady” and “go help in the kitchen” while her brothers got to play and get dirty and make noise, so during a family party she snuck outside when the boys ran in for dessert and climbed to the top of the highest, sturdiest tree in the yard. It wasn’t much but it felt like she could see the whole neighborhood. She kept waiting for someone to come yell at her for being out daydreaming instead of clearing the dishes like she was supposed to, but nobody even seemed to notice she was missing--even when her brothers and cousins came back out to play, they didn’t seem to realize she was there. She stayed in that tree until it was time to go home, and until she met Gabe she remembered it as the most rebellious thing she’d ever done.

2. It took Mike weeks to convince Ana that it was okay to bring Isabella over when AJ was home. She was sure that no teenage boy would want to have his space invaded by a crying baby, and didn’t want to be a bother or put anyone out. When AJ finally met Bella he was a little unsure about what to do, and Ana mistook his hesitance for annoyance. The awkward family dinner that followed was painfully quiet until Mike accidentally dropped his fork onto his plate with a loud clatter that Bella found hilarious; seeing that she liked the noise, AJ started drumming on his own plate with his silverware, making up silly songs on the fly to make her laugh more. By the end of the evening he and Bella were inseparable, and Ana started thinking that maybe this family thing could work after all.

3. Ana wants to marry Mike more than anything, but when she can’t get excited about planning the wedding she thinks there’s something seriously wrong with her. Her mother is crying tears of joy over bridal magazines and even her father finally seems proud of her (not that he approves, necessarily, but at least he’ll finally get to see his only daughter become a respectable married woman), but she just wants the whole thing over with. She ends up delegating most of the decision-making to Mariana, who is absolutely thrilled with the job. Before she knows it, Ana is looking at the fairy tale wedding of every little girl’s dreams--and all she wants to do is elope.

It’s Stef who finally realizes how out of hand things have gotten, and gets her to open up by sharing how she’d struggled when planning her own wedding to Lena. She convinces Ana that her wedding should reflect her and Mike’s love for each other and the family they share, not her parents’ expectations or the kids’ ideas of romance. Mike and Ana end up saying “I Do” in a small wedding on the beach. Instead of having bridesmaids and groomsmen, each of the kids helps to design their own role in the ceremony (Mariana sings the first song they dance to as a married couple, accompanied by Brandon on piano, and decides that’s way more romantic than the orchestra she’d wanted to book when she was the wedding planner anyway). It’s not the wedding Ana thought she’d have, but it ends up being the happiest day of her life.

[loradmurphy]

A Rustic DIY Wedding in a Cow Shed

This post A Rustic DIY Wedding in a Cow Shed first appeared on The Wedding Community Blog

Well, this is the first wedding we have featured that took place in a cow shed wedding venue, and it’s amazing! It just goes to show that you don’t have to have a large wedding in a stately home or a rustic barn; if you fancy a country style wedding then, hey, go and find your local cow shed!

Sarah and Jim’s wedding was a work of love. The styling details really fitted the country, rustic vibe they hoped to achieve. An abundance of hay bales (it helps when you get married on a farm), rustic pallets and crates formed the base for their styling, and together with giant light LOVE letters, candles and fairy lights, the ambiance was set.

What do you feed your wedding guests when you get married on a farm? A hog roast of course. I love the way the table was styled complete with hog’s head centrepiece!

Andy Griffiths Photography captured Sarah and Jim’s cow shed wedding perfectly, and I hope you take away loads of inspiration for your own country wedding.

“Our first encounter was actually during a student night in Leeds. We met in a club and kissed on the revolving dance floor. Sadly this beautiful, romantic act was not the start of our relationship, but it was the start of a very close friendship in which we lived out the single student life together. In our third year we finally became an ‘official’ item and our story begins from here.

Birthday Surprise

“When James proposed he’d planned a birthday surprise for me – a trip to the Lake District. We have always gone up to the Lakes hiking and cycling so I had no reason to be suspicious. When we arrived in the Great Langdale valley he handed me a larger than usual bag and told me that we would be wild camping up the mountain. So off we went up Bowfell.

“The weather was changeable with the sun peering around a rain cloud every now and then. James hadn’t quite decided the exact time when he was going to propose and the weather was playing a big part in his decision.

“Once we reached Bowfell and took the standard ‘top of the peak’ selfie we descended to Angle Tarn where we were going to camp for the night. Knowing I was at my destination I sat on a rock and dramatically ‘refused to go on’. I love hiking but the sun had come out and I had swapped to carry the BIG bag (which held my engagement ring, unbeknown to me, but to the amusement of James). James, taking advantage of the sun, grabbed both bags and began to walk off. He said we weren’t there yet, so I reluctantly followed.

“He continued upwards over a small peak, but once we got over it, to a secluded spot, the view across Langdale Valley was incredible. James quickly distracted me and asked me to look for something in one of the bags. When I turned back around he was on one knee holding the most beautiful ring!”

Cow Shed Wedding Venue

“We wanted a rustic theme to match the proposal and searched for barns in the Lake District and then Cheshire to be closer to home for our guests. Unfortunately we couldn’t match the number of people to the venue within budget. Some barns were so big but then we couldn’t afford, nor did we need, extra guests to fill it.

“We were feeling a little downtrodden when my Dad suggested I contact a colleague of his who owns a farm. I won’t lie, when we first went to see our venue I think we both hoped it would be a beautiful wedding barn, just like the others. We were soon brought back to reality… This was a working farm, and the ‘barn’ was in fact a cow shed!

“Once we got over the initial shock we started to take in our surroundings. The perfectly sized, large empty space, the wooden slats that let the sun shine through, the rolling green fields with stunning views and the industrial silos that provided a fabulous backdrop for photos. It didn’t take us long to pin down a date and from there we had a blank, rustic canvas with which to build on.

“Our plan was to have the whole day at the venue, including a humanist ceremony with my sister as the celebrant. We therefore needed to split our cow shed wedding venue into rooms. Luckily we were surrounded by copious amounts of hay and we could get plenty more. With the use of a tractor, the farmer, David, built high walls with the hay bales and we soon had three rooms for the ceremony, drinks reception and evening meal/dancing.”

Arielle Dress

“It was important to choose a dress that suited the cow shed wedding venue. I did try on some of the mermaid styles which looked beautiful but just didn’t fit the setting. I went to Wed2B for style ideas and laid eyes on the Arielle dress by Heidi Hudson. Immediately I knew this dress was the one. It has stunning detail, an open back and a lovely flowing train giving it a real bohemian style, matched with my handmade floral crown by Flash Floozy.”

“The bridesmaid dresses were from ASOS and were actually one of our first purchases for the wedding. We just loved their bright, flowery summer look and how they brought colour to the venue.

“James, my dad and the groomsmen all wore navy blue Ted Baker suits, rented from Moss Bros, with ties to complement the bridesmaid dresses.”

Simple and Rustic

“We kept the ceremony room simple and rustic with a few large features including a flower arch with wooden crates to decorate with candles, a hessian aisle runner and waterfall fairy lights as a backdrop. James’ stepdad, a welder, made us some large iron hearts which we designed to stab into the hay and decorated with ivy, hanging candles and fairy lights.

“We created our own save the dates, invitations and seating plan out of recycled brown card. Pinterest was our go-to inspiration for those essential wedding finishing touches, including wooden log place settings, handmade confetti cones, chalkboard signage and the DIY photo booth.”

“For our flowers we went along to the wholesalers with Stef (Alternative Weddings MCR) and chose a mixture of green foliage with a variety of fresh white flowers and a hint of pink.”

Pallet Bar

“We drew a lot of inspiration from pop up beer festivals we have been to where everyone sits together on long wooden tables, with the bar and surrounding furniture often knocked up from wooden pallets. James and my dad worked together on building the bar out of pallets and we finished this off with three hanging industrial lights and a big garland of hops.

“We wanted to light the cow shed up with festoon lighting to give it a festival feel. We were exceptionally lucky as our friend’s dad is a TV and film lighting specialist and was eager to help. He filled the cow shed with festoon lighting, uplights and stage lighting, and even put up a disco ball!”

Hog Roast

“We provided all the beer, wine and bubbles but we encouraged guests to bring their own booze. During the meal we gave our guests a silly farm themed quiz for a chance to enhance their BYOB with a big bottle of gin and some fancy tonics!

“The main meal had to be a hog roast! It was the perfect choice for our cow shed wedding venue, informal seating arrangement and sheer love of good, hearty food from an excellent vendor, the Striped Pig. The hog roast was sandwiched between canapés which were also provided by the Striped Pig, and a dessert table full of cakes and sweet treats which we purchased the day before.

“After raising everyone’s sugar levels we decided to go for a cheese wedding cake. We brought this out in the evening along with two large baskets of crackers, homemade chutneys and two sausage lattices.”

I Can’t Feel My Face

“Their cover of ‘I Can’t Feel My Face’ by The Weeknd first drew our attention to the band we chose. Every time we searched for bands we kept coming back to JukeBossa for their infectiously happy Latin sound and fun renditions of current songs. After much deliberation and lots of help from the band we decided ‘I Can’t Feel My Face’ would have to be our first dance song. JukeBossa really were the perfect choice and when the time for our first dance came the sun beamed through the wooden slats and their live summery style was greatly received by us and all our guests.

“Aside from the live music, my sister’s boyfriend, Martin, AKA ‘Music Man’, painstakingly put together some brilliant playlists that kept people on their feet all night. We interspersed JukeBossa’s sets with Motown, a carefully selected wedding medley, and finished the evening with old skool hip hop and RnB.”

A DIY Wedding Can Be Daunting

“We made a lot of incredible memories both on the day and during the build-up. A DIY wedding can be daunting, but the help we received from family and friends, and their genuine desire to want to help out, was overwhelming. Everyone pitched in on the day and it all moved along seamlessly, regardless of a few sleepless nights prior.

“If we had to pick a favourite moment it was the ceremony. It was so special having my sister, Laura, conduct the ceremony and lead us through our vows. We’ll never forget the moment following ‘you may now kiss the bride’ when we looked back at the ceremony room, that we had so carefully planned and created, full of all our friends and family ready to throw a shower of confetti.

“Every bride and groom say it, but the day really does go so fast. Make sure you savour every little moment and delegate as much as possible on the day so you can really enjoy being with your new husband and get round to all your guests – including the cows in our case!”

Photography: Andy Griffiths Photography

Venue: Willoughby Farm, Wigan, Greater Manchester

Wedding Dress: Arielle by Heidi Hudson from Wed2Be

Bride’s Shoes: Kurt Geiger

Floral Crown: Flash Floozy

Suits: Ted Baker

Bridesmaid Dresses: ASOS

Flowers and Trestle Tables: Stefanie Elrick at Alternative Weddings MCR

Cake: Cheese Stack Cake from Costco

Catering: The Striped Pig Company

Craft Beer: Blackjack Brewery

Lighting: Ian Swindells

Light Up LOVE Letters: Wedding Venue Lighting

Entertainment: JukeBossa

Beer Mats: To and From

Whiskey Barrel Poseur Tables: Nerissa Eve Weddings

This post A Rustic DIY Wedding in a Cow Shed first appeared on The Wedding Community Blog