#stef says stuff

[just-jordie-things]

oh the joy of internet friends. like. the joy of finally knowing what they look like and on top of that they’re a total hottie?? a baddie?? i’ve been joking that ur my wife for months but holy shit i really am on my knees ???

[sawruhh]

-

[callalillywrites]

A  Dream on a Mean Machine 1

I'm going to start by saying I wasn't expecting this to be such a beast of a first part. That said, I'm not unhappy with the results. I definitely tried to create more tension between the two of them compared to the fluffier stuff I normally write.

Bucky is really such a sweetheart while Steve is a pure menace in this.

Welcome to the first part of my Cool Rider Barber Shop and Hair Salon series.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Other Characters: Reader's brother, Steve Rogers

Word Count: ~7100

Summary: Bucky's going on his first date since getting free from Hydra. In order to look his best, Steve drags him to the Cool Rider Barber Shop and Hair Salon for a haircut and a shave. There, Bucky meets the famous, Stephanie Zinone (Reader's codename), who owns the place and does his hair.

Warnings: insecurities, mentions of violence (nothing too graphic), some language, Steve being a menace, anything I forgot let me know

A/N: I wrote this beast of a story in a few hours. While I did go through and proofread, any mistakes are mine and mine alone. Yes, Reader has a codename (used all of like 4 times), but she's still a reader who may or may not share some personality traits of the character she's chosen for said codename. She's still a blank slate to fill in as you desire.

I do not give permission for my work to be copied or posted on other sites or fed into an AI machine.

“Hey, Stef, you going to be okay?” your brother asked from the back doorway.

You looked up from where you’d been giving your workstation another spot clean. Nothing could be less than perfect for this next client. Not with the obscene amount of money being paid to rent out your entire salon for this new VIP.

“I’ll be fine, Davey. Take the others out to a nice lunch. I should be done here in a couple of hours.”

Your brother hesitated another moment before he finally nodded. His footsteps retreated until you could no longer make them out.

A glance at the clock on the far wall warned you your client should be there any moment.

When you’d spoken to both Pepper Potts and Tony Stark about renting out your salon, they never once mentioned who the client would be. If you had to guess, it had to be an Avenger. A simple agent wouldn’t warrant this level of privacy.

Then again, none of the other Avengers who’ve quickly become loyal clients of your salon never really bothered with having the place vacated for them, either. Sure, they picked the slowest times to schedule their appointments to keep their celebrity down, but that was about the extent of it.

You had to smile at the thought of a new Avenger joining the growing list you already had as clients. If they weren’t yours directly, they came in and worked with one of your fabulously talented employees. The fact that your talented staff came in such high demand had you ready to do a little victory dance where you stood.

It was really a dream come true how far your barber shop and salon had come in the years since you first took over.

All that was missing was someone to share your success with. Someone to call yours and you theirs.

Before you could get too far down that thought trail, a knock came at the front door.

You locked it earlier to keep any would-be walk-ins from trying their luck. Not that your place allowed walk-ins with the clientele you’ve built the last few years.

Going to the door, you smiled upon seeing the golden god of a man known as Steve Rogers.

With a twist of your wrist, the lock released. You pushed the door open and said, “Well, long time, no see, Goldie.”

“Goldie? That’s a new one, Steffy.” Steve chuckled. His eyes always sparkled with a bit of mischief every time he came around. This time was no exception.

Your smile widened. “Well, your hair’s gotten too dark for me to call you Blondie or Honey. So, it’s Goldie now. You my special client? Surprised you want the whole place to yourself. Something I should know about?”

“No, no,” Steve quickly assured before his head shifted to his right. “It’s not for me. It’s for…”

Your gaze followed the direction of Steve’s until it collided with the solidly built man leaning sullenly nearby. At least you thought he appeared sullen until you noted how his gaze never settled in one place for too long. His alertness had gone into overdrive.

A soft exhale was wrenched from you when his gaze landed on you.

Oh.

You’d recognize this man anywhere.

James “Bucky” Barnes, WWII vet and former Winter Soldier turned Avenger.

More importantly, your grandpa’s biggest hero.

Far greater than the blonde standing in front of you.  

How did none of his photos, past and present, do him any justice? It wasn’t fair how handsome this man was as you took in his features without trying to appear too creepy about it. Those steel-blue eyes damn near hypnotized you without trying. They reminded you of a clear Nevada sky. Then, there was his long, dark hair that called out to you and your fingers. It dared you to see if the strands were as silky as you hoped they’d be.

“Buck’s got a date tonight,” Steve said, breaking the silence. “Think you can work your magic for him?”

Well, that news sent a bucket of ice water down your back. It took everything in you not to shiver at the chill and give away your thoughts to these two men.

Instead, you made sure to keep your smile on your face as you nodded. “You doubting my skills, Rogers? Don’t make me buzz that glorious hair. You know I’ll do it.”

Steve’s hands came up in surrender. He quickly stepped into the shop and took a seat in the small waiting area.

You had to bite back a laugh at the way his features shifted from horror to pleading. The poor guy really could look like a kicked puppy when he wanted to. Simply wasn’t fair he could use that face and get away with anything, but then, it was one of the reasons you two had become friends. You really couldn’t resist his sweet face.

It was that sweet face that made you even more determined to find him someone, too.

If anyone deserved all the love they could get, it was Steve Rogers. You weren’t put off, either, after learning that the famous Black Widow was also on the same trail for him. Between the two of you, you were going to get Steve his happily ever after.

“Alright, Goldie, sit there and behave. No more quips about my skills, or you’re next.”

Satisfied Steve would listen, you turned your attention to the man who’d crept in behind you. His quiet steps nearly unnerved you. He really had no right to have all that muscle and build and be so quiet with it.

You gently introduced yourself to him, extending your hand.

His brows drew together as he blurted, “Thought your name was Steffy. Isn’t that what Steve just called you?”

“Codename. We all have them here. Can’t be too careful nowadays. Only a select few know our real names, and that includes you now.” You dropped your hand since he hadn’t tried to take it. Instead, you gestured toward the chairs. “Shall we? You have your pick: T-Bird or Pink Lady.”

The clueless expression on his face had you biting back another smile.

“Ah, another newbie to the musical greatness that is Grease and Grease 2. Come, I’ll educate you while we get you set up.”

You moved around him and stepped further into the salon where he could see the alternating chairs in black and pink design. On the back of the black chairs was the trademark logo of the T-Birds. The pink chairs bore the Pink Ladies trademarks. It was well worth the expense of having.

Nodding toward the different chairs, you continued toward the closet where you kept all your capes and other necessary items.

“Feel free to drape your jacket on one of the other chairs. It’ll be easier to cut your hair without the collar getting in the way.”

You didn’t stop as you spoke, or you would’ve seen the way Bucky froze at your words. The idea of taking off his jacket hadn’t crossed his mind and had him threatening to spiral a bit. While he’d worn a long henley in deep blue, he still wouldn’t be able to really hide his left arm from you. For some reason, he really wanted to hide it from you.

He couldn’t help thinking about how beautiful you were. How confident, too, in your space.

As he took in the shop’s décor, he could almost feel like he was back home in the forties. Sure, there were aspects that didn’t fit, but it had a welcoming aesthetic that called to those old memories.

Soft music played in the background, which you’d turned on near the back wall. While he didn’t know the song, he liked how it reminded him of simpler times. His memories might still be jumbled from all his years under Hydra’s control, but he could pick out pieces here and there.

It took him another moment and a deep breath to remove his jacket.

He set it on one of the T-Bird chairs while he settled into one of the Pink Lady chairs. They didn’t remind him of that awful chair Hydra used to strap him in. The soft leather even felt nice under his hand as he tried not to grip it too tight to leave impressions of his fingers.

“Hey, you okay?” You asked, coming to stand in front of him. A frown had replaced your bright smile, and Bucky already wanted to find some way to bring it back. “We have all the time you need. We go at your pace. Promise.”

As if to solidify your words, you brought up your hand again. This time, you extended your pinky and waited for him to make his move.

You couldn’t quite hide your surprise or your pleased grin when he finally brought his pinky up and looped it with yours.

“Alright, now that’s settled.”

Showing him the cape, you waited for his nod before placing it around him and cinching it loosely at his neck.

“Not too tight?”

He shook his head.

“Perfect.”

You spun the chair until he faced the mirror. It’s not lost on you when he grimaced at his reflection, but you wisely kept your mouth shut for the time being.

“I’m going to touch your hair now, okay? I want to get a feel for its thickness and texture. Stop me if it gets too much.” You kept your voice soft as you spoke, not wanting to spook him.

As before, you waited until he nodded to proceed.

You graced him with another smile for being so cooperative. Your fingers started at the front and gently combed through the locks at his temples until you reached the tips. As you guessed, the strands had a decent thickness with a silkier texture than you first imagined. It wouldn’t have been hard to continue to just run your fingers through his hair. But you had a mission, and you weren’t going to let him down.

What would your grandpa say if you didn’t do your absolute best for Bucky Barnes?

Returning your attention to your job, you met his gaze in the mirror. “Have an idea of what you’d like done? A trim or something a bit more dramatic?”

His eyes clouded while his lips thinned.

You could feel his muscles tense despite her fingers still running through his hair. The tension radiating off him had you wanting to wrap him up in a tight embrace and comfort him. You could well imagine all this had to be overwhelming. That begged the question of why he was going on a date tonight. He didn’t even seem all that thrilled, but then, you didn’t know him well enough to know for sure.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to. With what Stark paid to rent out my place, I’m more than happy to just sit here with you and talk. Or not talk if that’s what you would prefer. You want me to simply wash your hair and style it, I can do that, too. Whatever you want. You have my word, Sergeant.”

His eyes widened while his entire body shifted from tense to shock.

“Yeah, I know who you are. James Buchanan Barnes. Sergeant from the 107th Infantry Division. WWII. POW. Veteran. The man who saved my grandfather at Kreischberg.” You gave him a warm smile, happy to find the tension slowly ebbing out of him.

Deciding it best to continue, you added, “You took his place when they were experimenting on Allied soldiers. Sick as you were, you still stood up for him. He died last year before he got the chance to know you still lived. He did get to see his second favorite hero though before he died.”

Before Bucky could ask, your gaze drifted over to where Steve sat in the waiting area.

“I know everyone adored Cap over there. My grandfather did, too, but he never failed to talk about you more. You certainly left a lasting impression on him. He even named my father after you and Cap. James Steven. A lot to live up to, but my dad was never one to back down from a challenge.”

When you said your grandfather’s name, Bucky’s eyes widened. He remembered that name. Your grandfather had been built a lot like Steve before the serum. It hadn’t been much of a stretch for Bucky to become protective. Your grandfather had been a fresh-faced eighteen-year-old, too, if his memory recalled correctly. How could he not do what he could, sick or not, to keep your grandfather safe from Hydra’s hands?

Another thought niggled its way to the front of his mind, pressing to ask, “Is Steve…”

“A good friend, yeah.”

Resuming your earlier ministrations, you decided to use this time to talk. You both had plenty of time to get to the actual haircut if Bucky changed his mind.

“We actually met during that alien invasion a couple years back. I wasn’t even sure it was him until his helmet thing came off, and I saw his face. He took a nasty hit from one of those Chitauri guys. Knocked him flat onto his hands and knees. Such a cheap, cowardly blow, too. Deserved what it got for doing that.”

“What did it get?”

Your gaze dropped to Bucky’s hair, intent on combing through the strands with your fingers. He’d begun to relax again, and you wanted as much time as you could just being allowed to touch him like this. You had a feeling that could so easily change if he let you get near with your scissors or shaver.

“My best pair of scissors lodged in its neck. Grandpa always loved that you were a sharpshooter. Taught me everything he knew. Competed for several years during my high school and university days. He was also the reason I got into dagger and axe tossing as well. I’m a pretty good shot. As Clint likes to brag, I can never seem to miss.”

“She’s not wrong,” Steve hollered from his seat in the waiting area. “She took that thing down with little effort and cursed it out for ruining her scissors. Never thought I’d hear a dame with a mouth like hers. I still maintain I had it handled.”

“Sure you did, Goldie,” you shouted back, doing your best not to laugh. You failed as your shoulders shook despite your best efforts. Dropping your voice to a whisper, you brought your head closer to his so you weren’t far from Bucky’s ear. “Wanna know the real reason why I call Steve those nicknames of mine?”

Bucky swallowed at your proximity. Everything in him screamed to have you come closer as you continued to soothe him in ways he hadn’t felt in so long. He really wanted you to keep playing with his hair.

When he nodded, you bit your lip before admitting, “He just reminds me of a golden retriever. In the best way though, so please know I mean no offense.”

“You’re serious?”

You nodded, then called out, “Hey, Steve, come here a sec, would ya?”

It didn’t take Steve two seconds to come bounding into the heart of the salon. When he stopped, he shifted from one foot to the other as though he couldn’t settle while awaiting whatever orders you had for him.

You had to bite your lip harder to keep your laughter at bay.

“Can you fetch me that folder from Goose’s station? I wanna let Bucky check out some of the newer styles. See if he likes any of them.”

It took everything in you not to burst out laughing at how quickly Steve followed your orders. He had the folder in hand within moments and erased the distance between you two. When he held it out to you, his head tilted to the side as if awaiting a treat or another command. You just knew he would be wagging his tail if he had one.

“Thanks, Goldie. I’ll let ya know if I need you again.”

Steve nodded, then retreated to the waiting area.

When he was out of sight, you returned your attention to Bucky with a ‘see what I mean’ look.

“That was so wrong,” Bucky said, but a chuckle escaped him. An honest-to-goodness laugh escaped. His eyes scrunched at the corners as he tried to hold back more laughter at his friend’s expense. “You have a mean streak, doll. I like it.”

So lost in the realization that you’d made Bucky laugh, you almost didn’t hear, let alone comprehend, the pet name he’d given you. When you did, you could feel the heat suffusing your cheeks in pleasure.

The folder turned out to be a good idea.

Bucky flipped through the various photos of different styles that had either gained popularity or regained it in the last two years. He finally landed on one that seemed to hold his interest the most.

The model had a shorter, more dramatic cut.

Bucky would be losing all but five-eighths on the sides. The top would keep some length though nothing compared to what he currently had. It’d be enough to keep hair pulling or tugging an option. You always liked guys who kept enough hair on top for gripping, but…

You shut down that thought train before it could get properly started.

He wasn’t cutting his hair for you. Not that you would ever ask him to with how pretty it looked with its current length.

Though, a girl could dream, couldn’t she?

As you continued to study the one he liked, you couldn’t help thinking how he wouldn’t be able to hide behind his hair with this style. His eyes would be allowed to pop, too, when he wore the right colors. This included the henley he was wearing.

Hell, he could probably wear almost anything, and he’d be devastating.

His date was one lucky lady.

Shoving your unprofessional thoughts aside, you picked up your shaver and showed it to him. “This okay? It’ll go quicker than me manhandling your hair with my fingers and scissors.”

“We had them back then, doll. Not as fancy as that one, but they did exist,” Bucky said.

If you knew him better, you would recognize the teasing in his voice as he met your gaze. He actually liked how much care you were taking with him, wanting him to have the best experience at your salon. It’d been a long time since someone had shown him any type of kindness.

When you didn’t move, he realized he didn’t exactly answer your question. He still couldn’t believe that you were holding to your promise not to rush him and check in with him. Not even the other Avengers had handled him with such care since bringing him onboard some months ago.

“Go for it.”

You smiled at him.

Oh, he was getting addicted to your smile. It just brightened the whole room and made him almost believe that he was worthy of it.

Lost in thought, he didn’t see you move behind him. That surprised him as he always kept his guard up, especially around new people. He’d long since learned he couldn’t trust others, not with what he’d done as one of Hydra’s assets. Danger always lurked in strangers’ motives.

Yet, he wanted to trust you.

Steve trusted you. So did the other Avengers.

“Such pretty hair,” he heard you murmur before your hand ran through his locks. He had a feeling he wasn’t supposed to hear that with how low you spoke, but the words continued to ring in his ears and through his mind. He hadn’t been associated with pretty in so long. Maybe never.

The shaver clicked on after another moment, taking the first of many paths across his head. His long locks fell to the ground around him until he had quite the pile surrounding him. Closing his eyes, he let the sound of the shaver and your soft humming lull him until he jerked back to reality when you clicked the shaver off some minutes later.

He couldn’t believe he’d actually nodded off.

That had never happened before.

When he glanced in the mirror, he stared in shock at how different he looked. You weren’t done by any means, but he didn’t look like he had minutes ago. He wasn’t even sure he recognized the guy staring back at him.

“Come on, stud,” you said, nodding toward the sinks. “Let’s wash your hair now, then I can finish up the rest of your new look.”

Again, he chose one of the Pink Lady chairs near the sinks. It took him a little bit to relax before resting his head in the cutout of the sink.

“Doing okay?”

He breathed in and out, then nodded.

You smiled at him. “Yeah, you are. I wish all my clients could be as great as you’re being. I’ll have to see if I can find you a treat when you’re done. I think Rizzo has some lollipops stashed at her station.”

“I don’t need a treat, doll. It’s fine.”

Bucky figured you dropped the argument when you didn’t counter his words. He couldn’t tell if he was more relieved or disappointed that you didn’t.

That thought soon disappeared though.

The water hit him at exactly the right temperature, dousing his head until his hair dripped.

Then, your hands performed their magic with the sweet-smelling shampoo your salon used. The way you massaged the shampoo into his scalp nearly had him moaning aloud. It just felt that good, and he hadn’t been prepared for it. Neither had his body with the way it reacted to your hands in his hair. He’d never been so grateful for the cape covering him.

You soon rinsed out the shampoo and followed it up with a conditioner that had the same sweet smell. Your hands repeated the same process as the shampoo, making his body even more aware of you and your closeness to him.

It really wouldn’t take much to grip your hips and tug you closer. The desire to do just that nearly overwhelmed him. To keep himself in check, his hands gripped the chair.

He could make out the floral notes of the perfume you used. It intoxicated him.

The sweet torment of your touch, smell, and proximity ended all too soon.

Water doused his head once more, removing all traces of the conditioner. It was soon replaced with a towel that quickly collected the stray water droplets that tried to break free and race down his neck as you helped him sit back up.

Before he knew it, you were leading him back to your workstation.

Taking his seat, you moved behind him again and lowered the chair for the first time. You even shook your head as you mumbled, “Tall guys. I just have to like tall guys.”

Bucky swallowed at that. Could you like him? Would that even be possible?

No, he had a date tonight. He shouldn’t be thinking about you like he had a chance when he should be concentrating on his date.

As if you had the same thought, you asked, “Tell me about your date tonight. What’s she like? Or he? They? I don’t want to assume.”

“She,” he said, a small grin at your need to correct yourself. You might have a mean teasing streak, but you weren’t unkind. “I, uh, don’t know much about her. Sam set it up for me.”

“So, it’s a friend of Wilson’s then? He didn’t give you any information on her?” You picked up your scissors and a comb before turning toward him. “I’m going to start in the back and work my way forward. Okay?”

He nodded.

After you got started, he recalled your questions. “She’s not a friend. Sam said I needed to date. Put me on some of those apps. Tinble or something like that.”

Your brows lifted as you bit your lip.

He caught it in the mirror as his eyes haven’t stopped watching you since you started working. It took everything in him to ignore the way your fingers danced through his shorter locks.

Just as it was taking you not to laugh at whatever he said that was so funny.

You soon enlightened him by asking, “You mean Tinder? There’s also Bumble. It’s newer. I can’t blame you for mixing them. There are so many out there nowadays. Makes my head spin with the many options.”

“Do you use them?”

You shook your head. “Nah. Too busy with my salon here. Besides, I know what I’m looking for, and I know I’m not going to find him on any dating app.”

“What are you looking for?”

When you smiled, it had a dreamy quality that had Bucky holding his breath. Oh, how he wished he could be exactly what you wished to have.

To his surprise, your smile turned cheeky when you said, “I’m looking for a dream on a mean machine.”

Whatever he’d been expecting, it hadn’t been that.

Steve’s loud laugh echoed through the shop, having heard her answer from the waiting area. The punk followed it by saying, “Thanks for that, Steffy. I got that reference.”

“You should, Goldie. It’s a requirement you know it if you’re wanting to be a client here at Cool Rider.”

Now, that had Bucky’s attention. Before he could stop himself, he blurted, “You have requirements for your clients?”

“Just the Avengers. Well, mainly Tony. Such an insufferable ass though he does have a few good points to redeem himself now and then.”

That didn’t answer his question at all, but you weren’t finished thankfully.

“After saving Steve that day, he was the first to stop by my salon. He really liked the aesthetics. Reminded him of the old days. While he didn’t know anything about Grease or the best musical ever, Grease 2, he kept coming back. Eventually, he brought some of the other Avengers with him.”

You snipped several small swathes of his hair before you continued.

“One of those times, Tony tagged along. That man, I swear, wouldn’t stop commenting on my Grease theme and décor. Then, he had the nerve to tell me he’d never seen either film. After all his badmouthing, I’d had it. Told him I refused to service him again until he watched the movies and could be quizzed on both.”

A small chuckle escaped.

“He had no idea I was mainly teasing him, but the threat worked. From what Steve told me, Tony made all of them have a movie night where they watched both musicals. He even came up with every possible question I could quiz them on and made them answer each question correctly. Never would’ve guessed I had that much power over a genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. Did I get that right, Goldie?”

“Yeah, sounds about right,” Steve hollered back. “He’s been complaining about his hair getting too long, so I’d expect an appointment soon from him.”

“And why didn’t you tell me this earlier? You know we need all the warning we can get when it comes to Tony, Goldie. He always shuts down my place at the worst times. Doubling my rate. Tell him that, won’t you?”

Steve acknowledged he heard you.

Satisfied, your voice returned to normal as you shifted to Bucky’s left side.

He did his best not to tense at your proximity to his metal arm. If you hadn’t mentioned it, then he didn’t want to point it out. Maybe there was a chance you didn’t know he’d been used as a weapon for so long. Though, he had his doubts as you’d known everything else about him.

“So, where are you taking your date tonight?” you asked, changing the subject with a quickness that Bucky feared he wouldn’t ever be able to keep up with you.

How he wanted to do just that surprised him, too.

He finally named the restaurant. It was a fancy place that Tony had set up for him, which meant at least a nice suit and tie. Both of which, Bucky really couldn’t stand to wear.

Maybe he wouldn’t mind so much if his date was anything like you.

Stop it!

“I’ve heard some nice things about that place, but you really strike me more as a smaller, cozier type of restaurant guy. Any reason why you chose something so fancy?” You paused then as though the words you just spoke finally hit you and the implications you’d made with them. Horror entered your eyes as they met his in the mirror. “That was…so rude of me. I apologize. I shouldn’t have made assumptions like that.”

Bucky shook his head, letting his smile emerge albeit awkwardly. “It’s fine. I know you didn’t mean any offense. Tony made the reservation. Told me to wine and dine her with the best the city had to offer. But you are right about me.”

Relief washed through you. Your smile returned as you finally asked, “Name your favorite place then.”

There was no hesitation as he named a little Italian bistro near your salon and the Tower.

Your smile grew. “That’s one of my favorites, too.”

He bit his tongue before he could think about asking you to join him there sometime.

Silence fell between you for the next few minutes.

In that time, you finished clipping his hair down to the right length and adding some layer and texture to it. You moved from his left to his front and finished on his right. Your movements had been smoothly fluid. Almost like a dance you’d learned long ago.

He had to admit he was mesmerized watching you work so quickly and efficiently. Watching you move the way you did. You never seemed to second guess where you needed to cut or the way it would look once you did.

That was something he’d never really experienced outside of the jobs he’d been forced to do for Hydra. Get in, get out with the least amount of mess left behind. He’d been good at it. As sick as it was to admit, he knew it was the main reason the newly reformed SHIELD even allowed the Avengers to take him on. Fury wanted him for his expertise with quick, efficient asset recovery and cleanup. Extract and sanitize wrapped in nicer packaging all over again.

It wouldn’t do to dream of being anything more. To dream about being with someone like you. You deserved someone without half the baggage he came with. You deserved someone more like Steve if he was being honest.

He really needed to put you out of his mind before you nestled too deep. Before you could manage to sneak your way somewhere even more locked away than his head. A place like his heart.

Crazy. It was crazy.

The two of you had just met. He shouldn’t feel like this about you.

Yet, he couldn’t deny that he did. He really did. That scared him, too.

You would never be safe with him in your life. Compared to the other Avengers, he would always be a target, and anyone attached to him would have the same mark on them. It would only be a matter of time before you’d had enough of him and being in constant danger because of him.

No, it was better to make this the first and last time he ever saw you.

Even if it hurt him to never see you again.

Something dark had entered Bucky’s mind. You could sense it in the way he tensed his muscles before forcing them to release, only to repeat the cycle all over again.

You had to find some way to distract him.

Landing on his face, you noted the way his full beard didn’t really fit with his shorter hair. As much as you liked its fullness, you could see the potential of trimming it down close to his face. It might even lessen the strain you could make out around his mouth.

Okay, you really shouldn’t focus too much on his mouth. You really didn’t need to go down that road, or you might start thinking about what kissing him would be like.

Get it together, you silently admonished yourself.

Even still, you couldn’t stop yourself from running a finger along his bearded cheek, drawing his attention back to you.

“Your beard is beautiful, but a trim might be in order. What do you think?”

You mentally high-fived yourself for how normal you made yourself sound right then. Hopefully, you could keep it up until he finally left your salon, ready for his date that evening.

“I, uh, whatever you think is best,” he said, his voice deeper than it’d been before.

Could it be that you affected him as much as he did you? Oh, now that was a dangerous thought.

Bringing yourself back, you shook your head. “Against the rules, stud. It’s your decision whether the beard stays or goes, not mine. I will say that our beard trims and shaves come with a facial massage and skin treatment.”

He shifted in his seat.

You could make out his hands rubbing up and down his thighs. Even without the cape, you recalled the way his legs had filled out his tight jeans. The man had actual thighs of steel.

He finally nodded. “Okay.”

“Okay, what?” You couldn’t help prodding him a little. After all, you needed to hear the words. If this was going to be his show, then he needed to decide and say it clearly, so you understood. After all his years of having no control over his life, you wouldn’t take even a second more from him if you could help it.

“I think it’s time for a shave, too. Go big or go home, right?”

You smiled. “Right.”

Since your station didn’t normally carry any of the items you’d need, you headed over to Goose’s station and picked through what he had. Thankfully, you had understanding employees who didn’t mind sharing when something came up. Plus, Goose’s equipment surpassed those of Kenickie or DiMucci.

Not wanting him to get nervous while you set up, you decided to ask him another question. It was nice to hear how he opened up in a way you had a feeling he didn’t do all that much with others.

“Well, we’ve covered who your date is and where it’s taking place. How about what you’re driving to get yourself there? It’s safe to assume you’ll be wearing a nice suit, so…” You allowed your words to trail off in the hopes he’d picked up from there.

Bucky didn’t disappoint you, either.

“Well, I don’t have much besides my bike, but I could always take the bus or subway to get there.”

“He’s taking one of Tony’s lesser fancy cars,” Steve offered so helpfully, still eavesdropping with little to no shame. You could almost imagine he wore a shit-eating grin every time he jumped into the conversation to appear so helpful. “I think Tony mentioned one of his BMWs.”

“Of course, he did,” you mutter, shaking your head.

Tony Stark was nothing if not pretentious in the types of cars he liked to drive and be seen in. You couldn’t really see Bucky wanting to drive something like that, but then, you doubted he’d have much choice with the restaurant he was going to.

Deciding to keep that observation to yourself, you said instead, “Well, it’s nice to see Tony knows how to share.”

With everything in hand, you headed back to your station to drop them off, then went off to retrieve a hot towel.

“I’m going to cover your face for a few minutes,” you held the towel up for Bucky to see, “but I won’t be far.”

His grin appeared again. Almost cheeky in the way one side curved up as he said, “I’ll be fine, doll.”

Oh, you just knew he was aware of the effect he had on you. It simply wasn’t fair when you were certain you didn’t have the same power over him. The nerve of this man to call you ‘doll’. It was so wrong the power of the pet name had, going straight to the heart. A dangerous man indeed.

Shoving those thoughts aside with all the other inappropriate ones you had for this man, you covered his face, taking an extra moment or two to ensure the towel covered him. No folds were in sight. You spared another moment or two of massaging his face through the towel to ensure it sat properly.

Satisfied, you went to work on building up your favorite lather, also stolen from Goose’s stash. You preferred this gentle soap as it had little fragrance and tended not to irritate clients’ skin.

To your surprise, he broke the silence with a question. “What do you think of flowers?”

Your brows rose before they drew together, unsure what his question hinted at. There were so many different directions you could answer it, but you didn’t want to say the wrong thing and put him off. So, you did one of your worst pet peeves. You answered his question with a question. “What about them?”

“Guys still bring them for their dates these days?”

Oh.

How did that make him so much hotter?

You seriously needed to get a grip on yourself or risk falling hard for a man that would never be yours.

“Not so much, no,” you finally managed to say before quickly adding, “but I think they’ll be a nice, unexpected touch. Is that what you did before the war? Bring flowers to your girl?”

“Girls,” Steve offered up. “Buck was never without a girl on his arm. Sometimes, two if I was meeting up with him. Pity date and all that for the scrawny Brooklyn boy.”

“Steven Rogers, you are not a pity date for any woman. Now or back then. I’ve seen pictures of you, and there was nothing wrong with you. It was always their loss if they didn’t see the rare gem you were and still are.”

You lifted the towel off Bucky’s face and flashed him a smile. Your voice dropped low, so Steve wouldn’t overhear as you said, “Your past doesn’t define who you are, either. Sure, it’s a part of you, but so is the man you are now and the one you were before Hydra got their hands on you. You are worthy of every bit of love you can find in this world.”

Bucky’s Adam’s apple bobbed several times.

“I see it now.”

“What’s that?” Your brows drew together.

Bucky’s lips curved up at the corners. “Why Steve likes you so much. I get it now.”

You beamed at him. His praise meant far more than it should for such a short acquaintance. Yet, that didn’t stop you from having to blink back tears before they managed to run down and mess up what little makeup you’d put on that day.

“Alright, mister, let’s get you finished up for your big date. You’re going to knock her socks off if I have anything to do with it.” If your own socks were already knocked off, then that would be your secret and yours alone.

The first few strokes of the lather brush felt a bit awkward since it’d been a minute from the last time you shaved a client. It came back to you though and soon you had him covered with the first application. When you were satisfied, you rushed over to grab a second towel from the warming rack.

With the same care as you used before, you placed it over Bucky’s face, molding it to the lather. You shot him a small grin as you whispered, “Doing so good here, stud. Almost done.”

Goose’s everyday straight razor took a minute to sanitize and reset with a new blade. He preferred using single-use blades for their easier disposal over sanitizing and reusing a conventional straight razor. That wasn’t to say he didn’t have one, but no one, not even you as his friend and boss, were allowed to touch the reusable one or its strop. That was his and his alone. His most prized possession.

With the razor intact and ready to go, you turned back to find Bucky’s eyes on you. You did your best to hide the warmth his gaze caused, but you were almost certain you failed at this point.

To hide the way he affected your nerves, you quickly removed the first lather you applied and the towel covering it. You’d never been so satisfied than in that moment to see it all came off without missing a spot on his face or neck.

“Alright, stud, I’m going to need you to stay as still as you can for me. I’ll make this as quick and painless as possible. Really don’t want to nick your handsome face before your date tonight, okay?”

The small grin he shot you had you nearly dropping your lather cup. “I’ll do my best, doll.”

“It’s not nice to tease a lady with a razor, Sergeant.”

The nerve of this man, you couldn’t help thinking as he didn’t appear the least bit repentant.

Not to be outdone, you lathered him up again, making sure you covered every inch you needed before you picked up the razor and made the first of many gentle scrapes across his skin. Muscle memory had you finishing up within minutes of starting.

The rest of his shave went smoothly until you got to the last step.

“Which one do you prefer?”

You held up two bottles of aftershave, letting him take and inspect them at his leisure. One had a spicier scent while the other had a cleaner, more natural scent to it.

He chose the latter.

It took you moments to pat it into his skin until you were certain you’d done your job well. The same moments you realized you would shortly be forced to say goodbye to him.

Before you could think better of it, you leaned into his space and pressed your lips as softly as you could to his cheek.

His breath hitched at your action, but he didn’t appear upset.

Taking that as a win, you retreated with a small smile. “A good luck kiss for your date tonight. It was an absolute pleasure to meet you, stud, and to work with you. I really hope we’ll get to do it again.”  

*****

Main Masterlist

If you'd like to be tagged, reply to me here or message me. I do expect Bucky's story to span a couple more parts. If you want to be tagged for the whole series with the other characters, please reply to the master post.

[artsninspo]

Hmm, here is context to the smut XD

So basically Jamie thinks she has cheated on him while he was away in jail. Cause his friends have seen her around where he lives a lot but that was to just visit stef and Aron. So when he got out he has this really dark look jealousy/possessiveness and y/n is just all clueless and innocent that he got out and kisses him like usual but he doesn’t believe her (he’s really angry and y/n is sad that he doesn’t believe her). she never cheated she is loyal to only him. And then the smut happens, they make up and it’s all cute at the end. And he is just really possessive all around, kinda angsty/smut. You can change some stuff if you like, according to your taste 😅😋

"YOU’RE MINE"

Authors Note: Working through the requests. Sorry for the wait Anon, hope it's what you wanted. Also, why are there more GIFS for Curtis than Jamie on here?

Pairing: Jamie (Topboy) x Reader

Wordcount: 2.3K

Warnings: Smut, Minors DNI

All the hearsay has been haunting him. The whispers from his fellow inmates and people outside his crew have been getting to him too. The only thing keeping Jamie from losing his mind is the news that his brothers are fine and that his release day is in a few hours. He’s spent too much time in this cell for a crime he never committed. He should be focused on business or revenge but he’s focused on you. He’d heard your name with too many other guys, and at parties without him. He wondered how the fuck could you be enjoying yourself so much while he was in a cage. He wanted to ask his boys but knew better, they’d never tell him the truth and add to his issues. Besides, things had been low key before he went to prison for your safety. Jamie was fine with keeping it that way then, but now, it was making him paranoid. After the violation that landed him in prison he was more and more suspicious of who to trust. Let his brothers tell it you’re an angel who’s been there in his absence. But when you and Jamie started sneaking around and there were whispers then too. The similarities only made him more suspicious of these. It’d take you five months to be convinced of your safety while being with him. Quiet as it’s kept Jamie found himself falling for you. The feeling was mutual. Jamie was different. He was intense and compassionate with a different attention to detail. A loving perfectionist is what lay under the hard exterior.

…

Looking at yourself in the mirror you smile. Everything is perfect to Jamie’s liking.  You have his gifts ready, his favourite food and anything else he’ll need. A knock at the door draws you out. You smile seeing him relief washes over you as you lose yourself in the moment. Your eyes close at the scent of him. His arms are where you feel most safe. The moment lasts long but not long enough before he pulls away.

“Welcome home babe” you smile tiptoeing for a kiss but Jamie steps back.

“If I’m babe what’s this I hear about you and wastemen?” He asks, spinning your head.

“Jamie, have you lost the plot?” you ask trying to kiss him again.

“Nah, we were sneaky links. You got a next man too?” He asks and tears threaten to sting your eyes. You were beautiful to him, standing there with your hair in a messy updo and in a short pale pink negligee. He wanted you right there but the thought of another man even seeing you like this strokes his temper.

“A next man?” You repeat. “Are you accusing me of something?” you ask.

“Listen, I like you a lot but if you’re seeing other people let me know so I can pattern my moves” he sighs being the cold and calculated Jamie reserved for acquaintances.

“Pattern your moves?” You ask as he makes himself at home on the couch. He smiles seeing the gravity bong waiting for him along with other comforts. Candy for the munchies, his favourite crisps, liquor and strains of weed. “I’m not!” you shout.

“Watch your tone, yeah?” He grits. “Guys say you’ve been round the ends” he says twisting the grinder. What a prick. You find yourself thinking as he sits like a king questioning your virtue when you've been loyal.

“To look out for your brothers you idiot!” You shout. “To sleep in your room and to wear your hoodies because I missed you and your clothes smell like your cologne. To make sure the house was clean and they were getting along!” You shout. 

“Are you done shouting?” He asks, being cruel and detached.

“You keep sitting there being smug and this is only the beginning of my shouting!” You threaten and Jamie stands.

“Lower your tone,” he demands, looking down at you. 

“Why are you being like this?” You ask as a tear falls Jamie catches it before you can.

“Don’t cry, we said we’d be honest I’m being honest” he explains and you try to shove him back but he’s too strong.

“I’ve been waiting for you and this is what you do?” You cry. “Not everyone is betraying you Jamie.” You feel overwhelmed and betrayed.

“I'm sorry” He apologises, wiping your eyes again. He holds your face in his hands and your eyes well again. “I’m sorry I got it wrong luv”, he continues hating to see you cry.

“Don’t ‘luv’ me” you snap, swatting him away. 

“I don’t want any more uncertainty when it comes to us.”

“There is no us you asshole” you snap freeing your face from him. You start cleaning up the goodies on the table. The weed snacks the contraception. You’re angry enough to poke a hole in every condom to ensure you’re not drawn back in. 

It’s like Jamie reads your mind and snatches them first. His eyes are glued to your ass peeking out from the short night dress, sending heath through his body.

“I’m sorry Y/N, I didn’t mean to make you cry or upset. It’s just I hear bare chat about you and it eats away at me. Thinking about the next man piping my girl. A next man stepping in when I can’t. The next man in here getting the treatment you give me. Then I’m blaming myself for not making things official, then I’m thinking I did the right thing because it was dodgy for a minute. I could’ve done serious time, can’t expect you to wait” he sighs sitting down on the couch. He looks stressed, conflicted and angry. He’s trying his best not to be possessive and protective but it’s in his nature. If the feelings were not real he would’ve undressed you already. Piped you and left but he’d always wanted you, he’d always liked you more than that.

You sit beside him.

“You should know already that I only accept the best Jamie. None of those guys with big mouths are better than you. What happened was a dirty play and I don’t hold it against you. I never slept with anyone while you were away.” You confess and his eyes close in relief. He opens his arms for you to sit on his lap but you straddle him instead. It takes him by surprise and you trace kisses up his neck and to his jawline as he adjusts you in his lap. It’s twisted but you love it when he’s vulnerable. “I missed you so much” you tell him finally at his lips. His lips find yours first. Body to body you can feel the heavy breathing. His muscles contract as he pulls you closer. The passion and desire in his dominant kiss. You find yourself lost in it as heat creeps between your legs at the sensation of him growing under you. His kiss is marking his territory and claiming you. His intensity is new and his hands slide in your néglige to feel you.

“You’re mine” He says, breaking the kiss. You look at him and see it’s more than sex talk. He’s heavy lidded and holding back. He knows he can make you say anything when he’s inside you.

“Am I?” You smile and he nods.

“I’m serious, I’m the only one that gets you like this.” He furthers and you grind slowly to peel away at his restraint.

“I’m a needy girlfriend and you’re a busy man. Are you going to be here?” You ask and his head goes back as he holds your hips. The friction is torturous. Jamie’s always made you feel free and safe to be as lustful as you want.

“I’m here aren’t I?” He asks in a register lower than normal. “Aren’t I always when you need me?” He asks almost entranced by you as he removes the silk night dress. He admires your body, his hand resting on your hip against your lace panties. “You’re beautiful” he smiles and you get his shirt off. He kisses each breast before kissing you hard.

Jamie knows he won’t last long after his stint in jail so his priority is getting you off first. He takes the lead standing and bringing you to the bedroom. Getting between your legs removes the lace underwear before kissing you intimately. Using his tongue and fingers in tandem to send you into a frenzy making you see stars. There’s no keeping your moans back as the sensation reaches a fever pitch. 

“Jamie” your tone is clipped.

“Come for me” He says, giving you goosebumps. His fingers go deeper and he sucks harder. 

“Bab-“ you can’t manage it and your eyes close as he holds your hand with his free one.

“There you go” He whispers as the first rush hits. He comes up to kiss you  as the rush of an orgasm subsides. When your vision clears he’s putting on a condom. Foreplay usually lasts longer but you have no complaints.

“I missed you so much” you whisper and you share another kiss. He rests his forehead against yours as he slides in. No toy compares to the real thing, not when it’s Jamie. His eyes watch your face contort. The pleasure is evident, you feel incredible and it’s not long before he’s struggling to last. He’s wanted to show you you’re his but his body was making it clear he’s just as much yours.

“I missed you too, missed my babygirl” he whispers, thrusting hard and slow. Your moans grow, it’s too much.

“Jamie” you call and he lowers.

“I’m right here” he kisses your shoulder. His thrusts falter and you know he’s close. Your eyes open at the same moment. You’re in sync. You feel it together, his lips find yours again. Your arms hold on as the orgasm goes through him. His breaths are as shallow as yours. He pulls out rolling onto his side. You follow suit to get closer. The silence is comfortable and you draw close until you’re skin to skin again. Jamie kisses your forehead.

“I apologise for how I treated you earlier, I just care for you and being in a cell with no control… I shouldn’t have taken it out on you” Jamie’s words make you love him even more.

“Jamie, I haven't been with anyone since we started speaking. I care for you and nobody cares for me like you do. It’s why I was always over at yours to help out. I know how much you love your brothers and I wanted to be a friend. I was with Kit sometimes but it wasn’t like that. Then I was with Si a few times when Kit was busy - they took turns making sure I got out the ends safe. I went out with them once or twice but nothing happened, I was sad and they wanted me to try and have some fun. They were looking out with for out of respect for you. The only other “man” I was with was Aaron. I got him a job. He was opening the doors for me and treating me how you would want him too. No one moved on me.” You explain calmly. Jamie had a sixth sense for bullshit and he could only see the truth in your eyes.

“There was another man,” he says calmly. “Other than Kit, Aaron and Si” he says from piecing together the descriptions.

“My brother, he’s back from business in Dubai. He helped me get the job for Aaron” you explain and he adjusts sliding back into you. It’s unexpected and it feels so good.

“Well I'm back now, so all you need to see is me” he says possessively. “The guys Aaron and your brother can piss off. You’re mine”. He says ready to go, you smile knowing the next few rounds will be rough how you like it and he’s going to last all night. Claiming you in every way possible. Yes he’s a little possessive but you love him for it. You love it when he’s overcome, when he applies pressure on your neck kissing you as he goes deep. You love it when he asks who you belong to. Love when he deprives you of his manhood pulling out so you can give him head. You love looking up at him while he watches you with pride. Seeing the need to please him in your eyes and praising you for it. You love how he can go for hours. You love how he checks in periodically to make sure you’re alright. How tender kisses are peppered in with the rushed ones. When the tender touches replace the demanding ones. The look on his face when you’ve run him dry. The aftercare he provides. You can see the love in his eyes for words that aren’t likely. You love how he keeps you close all night. His soft snores and the rare look of relaxation he has when he’s asleep.

You don’t say the words, neither does Jamie. Nor does he lay claim to things he doesn’t love. Possession and love aren’t the same thing in your world but maybe in his they are.

“I love you Y/N” He mumbles almost reading your mind as he pulls you closer in the big spoon. Having woken up sometime during your reverie of your last few rounds.

“I love you too” you respond and he chuckles.

“I know babe” he says and you turn your head back to kiss him. He meets you halfway pecking you and kissing your jaw twice. “Go to sleep” He chuckles.

“Shut up” You smile.

“Your heart’s racing” He says. You realise where his hand is, over your heart.

“It’s yours” you smile.

__________

Don't forget to let me know how you feel about this one or the new season.

Like comment reblog 💕

[stormoflina]

re: Stef/ @macallisters

It's quite sad to find out that the lfc community here is still unnecessarily toxic due to one person's constant, never ending antics. Yes, Stef, I'm talking about you, if you are reading this by any chance, from one of your many side accounts. I have kept my silence for months, not once did I make nasty or even slightly suggestive posts about my experience with you, but what is enough is enough. Despite the kindness people showed you, despite the many chances you were given, it seems like you just don't learn. I'm tired of the anons, the rants and rumbles, the side accounts or seeing people I care about having to waste their precious time on this. I even care about those who are perhaps not even on this app yet. The Euros is coming soon, and with that most likely a new wave of people interested in the players/the club, dipping their toes into our community, and I don't want the same to happen to them what  happened to me and many others, having what is supposed to be a fun experience turned into some laughable internet drama.

You keep mentioning February, well, let's talk about February then. You know, it's one thing that you sent me weird or mean anons for months, while you were being all nice and kind in my DMs, but it's a completely different matter when one day you decided to message a close friend of mine here, with the intention of spreading lies about me and trying to paint a picture of me, that was and sadly still is, a picture of you. You very well know that I never sent you hateful messages, either as anons or ones with “forgetting” my name there. It was you who did it, to me, to many others, and sadly, you still keep doing this. After you got called out by others you blocked me, before I could have personally messaged you. I tried to let it go, even if for some time you did make me a bit paranoid, leaving me thinking about to how many others you tried to sully my name. We tried to move on, but you kept sending them to my friends, even getting  meaner, more hateful, and now, despite deactivating your old account, you keep doing the same thing.

You keep mentioning your poor mental health and your current struggles in life. If that is true, Stef, then please, first of all and most importantly, for your own sake and well-being quit this website for a while. I understand how hard it can be, when you are going through a difficult part of life, but this is not an acceptable form of dealing with it. To me, it seems having a tumblr blog is a great joy to you, so please, don't ruin your own fun. Take responsibility for your actions, admit your wrong doings, and reflect on your time spent here. I promise you, having a football tumblr is not that deep. Would you stop sending anons and creating unnecessary drama and perhaps as I mentioned, take responsibility and change, nobody would have a bad word to say to you. Sharing our bad experience is not bullying you, simply sharing the truth. There were a lot of people who were supportive, kind and helpful to you, and by the looks of it, there are still many who do the same. Don’t limit the number of these people in your life by petty internet stuff, time changes and so can you.

[we-intentionally-exude-calmness]

thank you for the hard work everyone!! i'm sure everyone appreciates that you guys translate stuff for everyone to enjoy, take all the time you guys need!! <3

Hello, It's Stef! We all want to thank you for your kindness and support. Luckily, we have some good news! We can say for certain that the chapter will release really soon! Thank you for being patient and we hope our next post is about the upload of the fan translation. Remember to always intentionally exude calmness!

[jrueships]

https://twitter.com/danfetes/status/1712166167572361344

josh says people saying stuff about stef ticks him off 😭 that's the meanest he'll ever get off the field 😭

that was kinda... 😏😏😏

and i definitely know stef feels the same... 😏

" tired of hearing all this nonsense... lot of guys in this league that have that same fire that don't get talked about, but--"

" frankly that kind of ticks me off when people wanna say stuff about him, but... we'll keep that all internal here 🙂🙃🫥."

this is allen at his boiling point omg 😭😭 held back by pr

[nachtsoklein]

have Nawt stopped thinkin bout kurt n the szardos fam,,,,,,,,, thinkin bout stuff he took from them,, learned from stefan how to physically defend himself, how to keep a secret, how to keep an eye out for danger in crowds, in forests, around circus grounds & in the tents, how to put the safety of family above himself, got one of his ears pierced to match with stef when he hit double-digits, wore stef's old clothes as they grew up. learned from jimaine her sense of drama, a penchant for teasing & pranks & sneaking ( she was the first to sneak him into a movie theater, tugging him along by the tail to not lose him in the shadows ) , learned from the best how to make the biggest puppy eyes that only margali could say no to, through the secondhand of seeing jimaine's joy in it first gained a love for soaring the air on trapeze. learned from margali how to behave in the least going-to-get-cursed way possible when encountering most things supernatural, got tracking charms & charms against hexes sown into any clothes that weren't stefan's hand-me-downs which already had them as a given, learned how to play up the parts people assigned him to lower or shatter their guards, how to not freeze nor flee at confrontation, how to make his voice ring through noise & clamor so that it may be heard, how to take pride in his otherness even if fear & acquired traumas, in particularly the early xmen years, made him regress in these lessons ( when he encourages (or berates) himself into facing prejudice & fear with grace it is foremost margali's voice he hears in his mind ) .

[jesslovesboats]

Hi Jess, I have a Karluk question for you! What exactly was wrong with the expedition's supply of pemmican? Wikipedia says Stefansson said it was a lack of fat, but Niven's book describes the disease as coming from too much fat and protein. Are there any clear answers as to what actually made it faulty?

Hi! This is a great question, and I wanted to do a little research before I responded to make sure I got the details right.

First, what exactly is pemmican? It's one of the staple foods of polar exploration, a nutritionally balanced combination of dried meat, fat, and sometimes a small amount of carbohydrates. It's easy to transport, calorie dense, can be formulated to feed men or dogs, and doesn't spoil easily, making it ideal for long voyages. Indigenous peoples were making and using pemmican for centuries before the Europeans "discovered" it.

With this in mind, I looked at the two competing claims you mentioned. First, I found the citation in the Wikipedia article, and since I have Stef's (ridiculous) book The Friendly Arctic, I double checked it. The quote is accurate, but there's some missing context. In this passage, he was actually talking about pemmican that was specifically formulated for dogs! There was dog pemmican and man pemmican (and confusingly enough, the Karluk also had 2 different kinds of man pemmican-- more on that later). In the passage below you can see that Stef is complaining about the dog pemmican being deficient in fat, and how he claims it affected dog performance.

(In general, though, it's important to note that Stef had a... tenuous relationship with the truth. I would fact check anything he said as a matter of principle.)

To examine Niven's claim, I called in the big guns, by which I mean I consulted with an actual expert with their Ph.D. in all things polar and a special interest in Stef's shenanigans! They are on tumblr, but I'm not sure if they're OK being tagged, so I will just thank them anonymously for their help 🥰 Anyway, between the two of us, we were unable to find any studies specifically examining the relationship between pemmican (faulty or otherwise) and nephritis, a kidney disease diagnosed by the doctor who examined the Karluk survivors. To the best of our knowledge, no testing was ever done on the bodies of the deceased, but since the symptoms of the survivors lined up with the symptoms of nephritis, there's no compelling reason to doubt this diagnosis.

So how do we know the pemmican caused the nephritis? Officially, we don't! However, we have a LOT of evidence indicating that it did. Niven does a great job documenting all of this in The Ice Master. We know that people have been surviving on pemmican in the Arctic for centuries without developing nephritis. We know that in order to be a nutritionally balanced survival food, pemmican needs to have a specific ratio of protein to fat. We know that Stef did not personally oversee the production of his pemmican, as some previous expedition leaders had done (which is especially hilarious considering that later in his career he would conduct some disastrous experiments involving feeding pemmican to United States troops, so clearly he had an interest in the stuff). We know he did not submit it to purity testing to ensure that it was safe and nutritionally balanced because he was in too much of a hurry. We know that the men strongly preferred the Hudson's Bay brand of pemmican over the Underwood brand because the Underwood brand made them ill, and they reached a point where they couldn't choke down any more of it, even though they were starving. We know that high fat and/or protein diets without carbohydrates can be very bad for your kidneys, especially if you have other preexisting medical conditions (like, for example, a weakened immune system due to exposure and starvation and stress).

I am not a doctor and I do not play one on the Internet, but if I had to guess, I would say there was a problem with the Underwood pemmican, most likely that the fat to protein ratio was off or it was somehow contaminated. This is also the conclusion that Niven reached, and her research for this book was impeccable, so I have no reason to doubt her! We will, of course, never know with complete certainty what caused the nephritis, but the men clearly thought it was the pemmican, and I believe them.

I'm sure this is WAY more than you ever wanted to know about pemmican, but if you want to know more, I can hook you up with some more sources! If you're interested in polar foods in general, check out Hoosh by Jason C. Anthony, which focuses specifically on Antarctica, but there's definitely some overlap with the Arctic! And I hope this helps!

[salvatoraes]

knowing your partner can potentially make writing together a lot easier.

– BASICS.

✧ NAME: rissa / riss, if we're close. ✧ PRONOUNS: she + her. ✧  SEXUALITY: bi - sexual! ✧  TAKEN OR SINGLE: single. ( interested in someone though heh <3 )

– THREE FACTS.

✧ i have freckles on my face & my shoulders / arms but ... i have an extra rogue freckle above my top lip, kind of like cindy crawford. my mom used to call me her cause of it. ✧ i've been wearing the same ring on my right hand every day since 2017, my mom gave it to me & it says faith on it. ✧ i've never been out of the east coast, i'd love to visit california though.

– EXPERIENCE.

✧   HOW LONG (MONTHS / YEARS?): god ... about 13 years. that's actually pretty crazy, holy shit. ✧   PLATFORMS YOU’VE USED: tumblr, aim ( rip aim </3 ) , twitter & discord. ✧   BEST EXPERIENCE: i've met most of my closest friends on this hellsite, even a couple in person ! one of my very best friends i started hang out with in person i met in 2017, shoutout to you lele, come back to indie bitch. i love my group of besties i met here, sobs.

– MUSE PREFERENCES.

✧   FEMALE OR MALE: i love writing both but for some reason i'm better with males, maybe being in stef's mindset for so long helped that lmao. ✧  FLUFF, ANGST OR SMUT: i don't write smut often but it is fun to do ( which is usually only on discord these days ) fluff makes me happy & feel all warm & soft. but angst is probably my favorite. i love me some drama & pain, & since stefan is my main muse it's very easy to get angsty stuff lol. ✧   PLOTS OR MEMES: i'm gonna say plots, only because i tend to hoard my memes & get easily overwhelmed with how many are in my inbox heh. but when i do answer memes, i love it ! ✧   LONG OR SHORT REPLIES: i'd say medium replies, a couple paragraphs. short is nice & easy, can boost my motivation to want to write more. long is cool when i have the motivation but sometimes longer ones get me overwhelmed so they take me longer to reply to but i still like them. ✧   BEST TIME TO WRITE: usually evening or night, like when i should be asleep lmao. motivation for me always comes at weird times. ✧ ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S): i'm kind of like stefan but not too much, he's too melancholy & broody for me but some of his attributes match my own. & for muses on my multi, i do have a few i feel like i relate to ... josie <3 peeta a lil bit, tara maclay, starfire & probably more i just can't think of.

TAGGED BY: stole it from @maimedaffair <3 TAGGING: @forbaes , @persefs , @chth0nia , @malka-lisitsa , @ofblackskies , @lupaeus , @feylived , @hellsurvivr , @agedrot , @fuckedhorror , @saintshe , @snnynatural , @greedaeye , @hollowvictory , @seerfawn , @heartsbreaking , @bu11seye & you, reading this !

[chicago-geniza]

There are a handful of chapters and articles on what one of her emigré-exile contemporaries called "Zahorska's Judaica" and Anna Clarke writes some speculative psychology re: Jewishness, Stef's family, and the war (Maja E. Cybulska and Anna Nasiłowska mention it, but don't elaborate much beyond the documentalist litany of names and dates)--not much beyond that, not much beyond the usual "assimilation vs. acculturation" stuff or cursory allusion to the Holocaust. I need to untangle a lot of threads to write about her subject position, autobiographical novel, and family relationships kind of interpolated re: Jewishness before the war but I know that chapter will be called "Blasberg mówi, że jestem przesadna i talmudyczna" ("Blasberg says I'm eccentric and superstitious [lit. Talmudic]") (Blasberg is her brother-in-law, a renowned Kraków physician and Esperantist)

[just-jordie-things]

Get attacked!! ✨🌈SEND THIS TO OTHER BLOGGERS YOU THINK ARE WONDERFUL. KEEP THE GAME GOING🌈✨

✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈🌟🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈🌟🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈 ✨🌈✨🌈✨NO U GET ATTACKED 🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈

[softlysilverfountainsfall]

Savil's death was the most devastating one in the entire Herald Mage Trilogy and I will die on this hill.

"I [Vanyel] can take care of it tomorrow. It's not that urgent...It can wait until morning. He watched the fire through half-closed eyes, listening to Stef breathe, and waited for sleep to take him. Then the peace of the evening shattered.

:VANYEL!:

He was out of bed and grabbing his clothes before Stef woke.

:VAN—:

Savil's cry was cut off, abruptly, and Vanyel doubled up and fell to the floor—Pain—knives of fire [...] Then, nothing—" (Ch 15, Magic's Price)

You can hear her screaming through the all-caps mindspeech. You can hear her desperately calling out to Vanyel, her beloved nephew and protégée for help, the strongest herald-mage in Valdemar and now the last.

You know exactly when she dies because her cry for help is brutally cut off in the middle of Vanyel's name.

"Savil's door was locked; Vanyel kicked it open. His aunt lay in the center of a circle of destruction; furniture overturned, lamps knocked over, papers scattered. Blood everywhere. [...] Claw and teeth marks on Savil's throat and torso showed that she'd put up a fight. A trail of greenish ichor and a broken-bladed knife told that her enemy had not escaped unscathed.

"Not that it mattered to him. The damage was already done, and this time Vanyel's hard-won detachment failed entirely. While the others checked the locks, and looked for clues or any sign of what had attacked her, he sank down to his knees beside the body, and took one limp hand in his—and wept.

Oh, gods—Savil, you were right, and I didn't listen to you. Now you're gone, and it's all my fault. . . ."

"'She was afraid she was going to be next; she asked me to help her, and I just thought she was being hysterical. I promised to strengthen her wards, and I didn't; I forgot. This is all my fault—'"

You are devastated by Vanyel's heartbreak as he curses himself for not listening to her, for putting it off when she said someone was targeting the herald mages and asked him to help her.

"She's never going to sit there in her chair and expound at me again. I can't ever ask her for advice. She'll never take on Father for me—she was my mother in everything but flesh, and I failed her, I failed her, when I'd promised to help her. He hung his head, and closed his eyes, choking down the sob that rose and cut off his breathing" (emphasis mine).

Savil was a rock for Vanyel and thus for the reader throughout the trilogy (and her death is near the end of the last book & the catalyst for the end). She was very human and fallible but steady, devoted, and talented mentor and mage.

But what about Tylendel?, you say. Yes, Tylendel's death was awful, but it doesn't get nearly the lengthy treatment that Savil's does, and...there was a lot of other stuff going on. But what about Vanyel?, you say. Well, there is a reason that I put off reading the last part of Magic's Price, and it's because Vanyel's death is horribly devastating, but also victorious, and he gets his happy afterlife.

"Savil, Savil, I'm so sorry—and sorry isn't enough. Sorry won't bring you back. Tears escaped from under his closed eyelids, and etched their way down his cheeks. He couldn't swallow; he could hardly breathe." (Ch 15, Magic's Price)

She called for him. The last thing Savil ever did was call Vanyel for help. He was down the hall from her and much, much too far away.

[mayasdeluca]

Here's a convention breakdown:

Meet & Greets are usually 30 minutes with the guest of your choice with up to 25 people (Epic did only 15 people). These are the hot ticket because you get the best interaction with someone. What's said in M&Gs is usually supposed to stay there but as we have seen people who have been to Danielle or Stafania M&Gs in the past tend to spill vague and annoying tweets as part of that inner circle.

Photo-Ops: You can say hello (get a hug), tell them your pose idea and get in place but these pretty much move quickly.

Autograph/Selfie: This is a good time to have a quick semi-private chat with a guest where you have their attention or for however long it takes them to write your autograph. Some people are quick and other monopolize time. There's really no way to know how many autographs they will sign in a 30 minute period. And on top of that if they are doing selfies (Stefania was not) that could take up even more time.

Anyway, as I keep reflecting on my Epic weekend, I can safely say that my autograph interaction with Stefania was the worst I have ever had. I DO NOT BLAME Stefania. She only did 2 blocks of autographs back to back at the end of the day. She saw the crowd and heard the voices around her, she has to stop talking so much, she can't write messages, no personalization, etc. So she could not give people the time/attention they deserved. And I think that weighs on the guests mind. I was watching her sign like a machine, she barely looked up at anyone. It was clear by the time these autographs happened her social battery was drained.

I feel like because autographs are the most social time with guests they should happen in the morning or earlier in the day for even the same amount of time and IF need be, the guest can come back at the end of the day and finish off the last few remaining but not the bulk of them. I saw Stefania in the morning at a photo-op and while I just briefly said something to her for my pose she seemed much more vibrant.

I can totally understand why Stefania opted out of the nighttime fan event for the next Fan Fusion To The Rescue. After a full day of conventioning where not only are you exhausted from the work you put in but also from hearing everyone else's story, you don't want to "people" anymore and keep the smile up for appearances. It definitely seems way out of her comfort zone to even interact as much as she does but she does it and I thank her for whatever little rime she was able to give me.

On a separate note. I introduced myself to both Danielle and Stefania and they introduced themselves back as Danielle and Stefania. I heard Macey and Daniele and Francis all call out to Danielle as Danielle. BUT ALL I fucking heard on lines were Dani and Stef, Dani and Stef and I wanted to punch every single person who said it. Whoever started that in the fandom should get diarrhea forever. There names are Danielle and Stefania and you (not you directly) don't know them like that to even call them Dani and Stef if they EVER went by that.

That definitely makes sense and it seems like autographs is what ends up being the downfall of most cons and it must be because there's no real rhyme or reason as to how much time each one takes. Whereas with meet & greets its a set time and photos it's just a quick pose and that's it. There has to be a way for it to go smoother with people still being able to get that personalization and few minutes with the guest since they are paying for that time with them like everybody else.

I don't blame Stefania at all for not doing the extra activities like the parties and stuff anymore either. After doing all those things throughout the day it must be incredibly draining and I'm sure she wants her time to herself and to recharge. Especially for people who are more introvert and not as into social interaction...for her to do as much as she does already should very much be appreciated by fans.

I'll never understand the Dani and Stef thing. I never took part in it and never will. It feels so cringe to me how this fandom refers to them as that because we never heard that before and we aren't their friends...I really don't know why it became a thing and why it stuck.

[returnsandreturns]

sorting through the prequel i started writing for the bdsm romcom novel

“You didn’t drop out of law school because Stephen broke up with you, did you?” Stef asks, hands on her hips, her always surprising but welcome maternal mode kicking in. He can always tell by the arch of her eyebrows, like she’s about to make him cocoa before threatening his bully. “Did he tell you that you should?”

“I dropped out this morning,” Andy says, breathing very carefully, “and I went to him first, which was dumb."

Laurel rests her head on his shoulder, slides an arm around his waist. She’s so good at knowing when to touch people, filling in gaps in moments, smiling just right.

“What did he say?” Stef asks, glaring at him.

“. . .he said he wasn’t surprised,” Andy says, sighing. It would have hurt worse coming from somebody who actually loves him—and if Stephen loves him, he’s doing it wrong most of the time.

There’s a deadly silence and he turns slowly to see Laurel, streaked with pale blues and pinks and wearing a t-shirt covered in badgers, with a look of absolute white hot fury on her face.

“Hey, historically I pick guys who practically hate me,” he says, letting out a laugh that only trembles a little. “I shouldn’t be surprised.”

“We can’t kill him,” Stef says, directed at Laurel, “but we can threaten him.”

“Or we could kill someone else,” Laurel says, “and then frame him for the crime.”

“. . .well, at that point we could just kill him,” Stef says.

Andy’s got his knees practically pulled up to his chest but he’s smiling, smiling wider when they look over and give him worried looks, like he’s about to fully lose the plot and maybe need to go to a hospital for a brief holding period.

“I love you guys,” he says.

Laurel smiles back, murmurs, “Sweetheart,” and basically crawls into his lap.

Stef looks squirrely before she says, “You’re okay, I guess,” and grabs her coat, heading for the door.

“Are you going to buy a weapon?” he asks.

“Just keep your mouth shut!” she calls back, door slamming behind her.

“You’re too cool to be a lawyer,” Laurel says, when he turns to look at her, face very close to his. “I’ve always said that.”

“You’ve never said that,” Andy says, laughing.

“That’s because I thought it was your dream,” Laurel says, “and I actively try not to crush your dreams, you beautiful butterfly. But this was a bad dream and you’re making a very smart decision and I’m definitely gonna frame that guy for some kind of crime. Or blackmail, maybe—does he have any horrible secrets?”

“None that he told me,” Andy says, feeling kind of sick when he thinks about it. “We never really had conversations, actually. He would just talk and then tell me I talked too much when I tried to talk about myself.”

“You guys have been a thing for a year,” Laurel says, softly. “Andy, has it been like this the whole time?”

“There was a honeymoon period,” Andy says, sinking down further into the couch. “There was wooing—I really like being wooed.”

“Who doesn’t like a good wooing?” she murmurs, patiently waiting for him to continue.

“It was my first relationship that lasted more than a couple of months,” Andy says, eventually, staring at the ceiling instead of her endlessly sympathetic face. “I looked past a few things that hurt a little and then I kept looking past things and then I just felt like shit all the time.”

“You know, one time Stef told me that I was being too happy,” Laurel says, biting her lip when she smiles, “and she immediately died, was reborn, apologized for six hours straight and then went down on me for the next six hours. People say shitty stuff sometimes but they apologize after if they’re humans and not—swoopy haired shiny teethed monsters.”

“His teeth were so shiny,” Andy groans, covering his face with his hands.

“One might say too shiny,” Laurel offers. “Like, we get it, you can afford a dentist."

[chloesreality]

https://www.tumblr.com/therealawkwardstarfish/190012017115/i-think-found-out-why-stefan-said-that-damon-is

Read it this. Much of that stuff is so bullshit.

Paul Wesley explained this line on one of the conv (damon is the better man) that’s REVERSED PSYCHOLOGY.

Stefan is the one who sacrificed himself made it clear that he is the better man.

And this one is also bullshit. Elena started to fall for Damon in season 3 but she was in „denial“ 😂😂😂

But I only remember this line from Elena : it’s NOT the TRUTH, Stefan. I NEVER stopped loving you

okay so I do agree with you on the last bit but to be completely honest (as a big stelena shipper to another) Elena definitely was in a little bit of denial. yes she loved Stefan. But she also had a spark of feeling for Damon. Damon wanted her to feel something for him as he did for her and made moves on her the whole of season 3 so I’m not surprised elena was in denial.

so let’s get on with it.

(the bold bits are @therealawkwardstarfish points and theory ideas and don’t get me wrong your post was really good it actually had some really good ideas and points that actually made me rethink a few of my viewpoints on Damon’s character, not much but still. remember, no hate whatsoever towards the creator and everyone has an opinion!!)

“He was still mad at his brother for what he did, but also in a way forgave him for what he did. He just wanted his little brother by his side.” Yeah, but you forgot to dive into why Stefan wanted him to turn in the first place. oh wait! because Stefan also wanted his brother on his side and didn’t want to live an eternity without Damon. and he regretted it deeply for it and apologised on multiple occasions but did Damon ever apologise for making Stefans like a misery? no. 🩷

“He was willing to give Elena the cure because he wanted her to live a happy life without him” when? when? he was so against it the whole time because he was scared he was gonna loose elena without the sirebond? Or scared of Elena becoming a human because he thought she was gonna go running back to Stefan meaning he didn’t have much faith in their relationship (fault of the sirebond) What I take from that is that he secretly loved the sirebond because it got him what hes always wanted. the only time he ever accepted her wish to be human was at the end of season 5. was Damon willing to give her the cure? he HID it from her?!??! Hm.

“he believed what everyone believed him to him be A monster and a bad influence on Elena.” he was a bad influence on Elena and everyone saw it. The sirebond was Elena making Damon happy and his traits were rubbing off on her meaning that there was somethings about Elena that he wasn’t completely comfortable with. her love for Stefan. So Elena starts being passive with Stefan, not caring what she says to him until after she’s said it and realised the consequences. that sounds like someone to me…d-d-d-d-word. It wasn’t just because of the sirebond because Damon changed her for the worst. She lost her compassion, her good morals. her respect for human life when it came to the people she cared about. sounds like someone I know from the show…

“To him, his brother didn’t care. No one did. So he thought “you know what? If that’s what they think I’m a monster then okay, I’ll be one. So he did” but his brother did care…and deep down I think damon knew that. Stefan never gave up on him. He always in some way cared for him no matter what like in the second episode in the whole show he said “how do I stop the monster without becoming one myself?” he wanted to save Damon from himself and he was always trying to inspire emotion in him.

he didn’t want Damon to be that monster so no matter how much it annoyed Damon, stef always tried to provoke emotion into him for damons own benefit. Don’t tell me Stefan didn’t care, when Stefan visited Damon in the 1900s because he wanted to apologise for his wrong doings. (evidence stef missed him and wanted to have that brotherly bond with Damon again) but then Damon messed that up didn’t he? he pressured stef to drink human blood again even though he knew what it would do to him. And Damon didn’t go after him and help him. he stood there and watched him become the ripper of Monterey. what about Stefan saving Damon from the fire in 1x22? “Stefan don’t go in there! The fire will take you out” - Bonnie “he’s my brother Bonnie…” - Stefan.

“but he (Stefan) never realized why Damon was so mad at him until later.” he knew exactly why because you just said earlier that Damon told him he was gonna give him an eternity of misery? and I think Stefan had the ability to infer that he ment that because he made him turn him into a vampire. *he never realised why Damon wasn’t willing to put the past in the past* you mean. and that was because Damon thought it bad that Katherine wanted both him and Stefan to turn. but that wasn’t stefans fault was it? he was just compelled to not to be scared of her. that’s it. He didn’t ask for what happened to them. but Damon asked for it to happen to him.

“He tried to help his brother but ended up giving up after multiple tries.” Give me an example on when he gave up? when? and whatever example it is, it’s probably a worthy excuse to give up. Damon most likely pushed too hard. Too far. not knowing when to stop. the only time I can think of is when Damon and Bonnie are in the prison world and stefan is so broken by his brothers death that when Elena asks him what research has he done to help it’s almost like he’s fallen into a depression and tells Elena that he gave up because there is no way to do it. 🤷‍♀️

“Damon decided that he was going to sacrifice everything to save brother and everyone. For one last time, Damon decided to show his old self and sacrificed everything, just like he did when they were growing up. What Stefan saw was not the monster he created, but the brother before the monster” okay agreed. yes. He did. That one sacrificial move was indeed heroic and it showed the views just how far Damons character has come and how it has changed for the better. and deserves that recognition, but no one that I know of who ships delena or who is team Damon recognises that Stefan sacrificed his life and happiness to save Damon’s life too and Damon never thanked him for it but instead spent that time making moves on Elena to get her feelings for him to surface while Stefan was gone falling into the darkness again to save his selfish brother.

“And that person was the one that Stefan knew had to live.” facts. Spitting facts. yes. Stefan wanted to give life to this new found Damon. Or the old Damon he once knew in 1864. He wanted to give this Damon a chance to keep being a good person. even if he didn’t get to see more of it. A chance at a happy life even if it was without him. And while Stefan did this because he believed he ruined Damon’s life, Stefan didn’t really have much of a fulfilling life either. he was suicidal all his life and burdened with his addiction to blood. Stefan deserved the happiest ending there was!! And he deserved redemption just as much as Damon!!

“So he sacrificed himself and made Stefan human. To make up for that dying wish that Damon had for him back in 1864” yep and that’s yet the biggest and yet ANOTHER selfless thing done by Stefan. Both brothers deep down were caring people but only one of them showed that to others and that’s why everyone loved Stefan including Elena because Damon didn’t give a flying fuck about elenas friends or strangers just Elena. “I will always choose you”. - Damon and people think that’s sweet, it is I guess? it shows how much Damon’s willing to sacrifice for this one girl but Elena doesn’t want that. She wants to save everyone. she’d rather sacrifice herself than for others to die for her safety. and other people saw that and decided not to like Damon. (understandably)

anyway this persons theory ate and actually made me think about a few things but I look for development, actions and learning from mistakes. Evolving. Improvement from setbacks. atonement for wrong doings throughout the series not just once or twice in a lifetime to be able to call them the better man. I won’t lie to you in that scene when Stefan said “Damon’s the better man” I screamed into the TV haha I videoed myself watching the last episode because my friend suggested that I do and it was worth it 😭😭 my reaction was so funny but also so reasonable too lol

this is my take on this ask, what’s your opinion? 🩷