#stedes-parasol

[stevethehairington]

9. things you said when i was crying - platonic Steve/Robin ((thanks!))

hellooo!! thank you so much for this one!!! i may have gotten a bit carried away with this one, it is. almost 2k skflsjf i guess i just had a lot of platonic with a capital p feelings. i hope you like it!!

9. things you said when i was crying

“Steve?” Robin’s voice carries down the hall, close enough that Steve can tell she’s only a few paces away, that she’ll be outside his door in a matter of seconds.

Steve hadn’t thought to close it all the way when he slipped away from the party. He just needed a minute to collect himself, that’s all. He thought he’d be in and out — take a few deep breaths, splash some water in his face, shove it down deep to be dealt with later. After the fun was over. After everyone left.

He hadn’t expected this. He hadn’t expected to take one look at himself in the mirror, to watch his face screw up without his permission, to stagger back as the sob caught in his throat, held back by his clamped teeth and the hand over his mouth. To slide down the wall, hidden behind the still open door as the tears he’d tried so hard to stave off finally fell. 

“You know,” Robin sing-songs, and she’s closer still, “you are the one that put this little shindig together, so if it sucks bad enough for you to ditch, that’s totally your fault. I will not take the blame for that, even if it is, technically, my party.” 

The footsteps stop just outside of the bathroom door. Steve holds his breath. Wraps his arm tighter around his middle and bites the meat of the fist he’s got shoved against his own mouth. It’s done enough thus far in stifling his cries. In silencing his tears. He only hopes it won’t fail him now.

But this is Robin. It’s Robin, and she’s got some sort of weird sixth sense for Steve. (The very same one Steve’s got for her, so really, he should’ve seen it coming.)

A light knock on the door. “I know you’re in here,” Robin says, and her voice is softer, gentler. “I’m coming in, this is your warning.”

The hinges creak as the door inches open even further. Slowly, carefully. It only stops when it comes into contact with Steve, still curled up on the floor half behind it.

There’s a soft rustle as Robin slips through the small opening. She closes the door behind her, like she already knows whatever this is, it’s going to be private. It’s going to be between the two of them and no one else.

“Steve,” she says, turning finally.

When her eyes land on him, her face crumples.

It’s too much — the crease between her eyebrows, the droop of her eyes, the frown of her lips, the concern written so plainly across her features like that. Steve can’t look at her.

It makes him feel guilty. Guilty for feeling like this, guilty for ruining her night.

Because that’s what he’s doing, isn’t it? Ruining her night. Pissing all over the fun she’s supposed to be having. Dampening the celebration.

Robin got into college. Not only did she get into college, but it was her first choice college, too. And she’d gotten a scholarship. Tonight was supposed to celebrate that — to celebrate her.

But it turns out that Steve can’t even throw parties anymore, either.

Robin sinks down to the floor across from Steve, her back pressing probably uncomfortably into the cabinet beneath the sink. She doesn’t seem to care though. Her arms wrap around her knees, mirroring Steve, and she studies him with those careful eyes. Weighs her words. Considers her next move.

“Steve,” she tries, and the side of her socked toe nudges against his. “Steve, what’s wrong?”

Steve shakes his head. Sniffs hard, once, and hastily wipes at his eyes with the heel of his palm. He shifts in his spot, straightens his spine, and shakes his head again. The mask is lowered back down. “Nothing, nothing’s wrong. I’m fine.”

It’s bullshit, and she sees right through it, of course. 

“Steve,” she presses. “You’re not fine. You’re crying in the bathroom. You’re— god, you’re being me.” She laughs, a fluttery little thing, and she cracks a tiny smile, hoping it’ll make Steve do the same.

It does, briefly — Robin always knows how to make him smile, even when he doesn’t want to, even when he’s feeling like this. She’s got some sort of best friend magic juju or something — but it also makes another sob rise up in Steve’s throat because fuck, he’s not going to have this for very much longer.

He buries his face into his knees again. The tears are silent as they run down his cheeks, but his shoulders shake.

Steve doesn’t register that Robin has crawled across the tiles to situate herself right next to him until he feels her hand against his back, rubbing broad, soothing circles through his shirt. It helps, a little.

“Talk to me, Steve,” Robin says, “please.”

And now she sounds upset, and that makes Steve feel even worse.

He doesn’t want to say it, doesn’t want to make Robin feel bad. She’s been so excited ever since she got the letter in the mail, going on and on about the program she’d been accepted to, the campus, the surrounding city. Steve doesn’t want to rain on that parade.

But he knows that she’s going to wheedle it out of him eventually. Might as well rip the bandaid off now.

“You— you got into college, Rob. You’re going to leave,” Steve finally says. Whispers. He can barely bring himself to say it. It hurts too much to acknowledge. But he does, because he has to. Because he will have to.

“Oh, Steve,” Robin says, and she presses herself closer, close enough that she can curl her arms around Steve’s bicep and tip her head onto Steve’s shoulder, hugging onto him as best as she can in their current position. “Is that what you’re— is that what you’re crying about? Me getting into college?” She asks, and it’s gentle, the asking. She’s not teasing. She’s not making fun.

Steve lifts his head from his arms and nods. “I— it’s— I didn’t mean to. To cry,” he starts, and sighs. “Not yet, anyways.”

Robin tilts her head. A silent question.

“I wasn’t going to cry until— until the day you left,” Steve explains. “That’s what I told myself. I didn’t want to… it’s stupid…” he trails off, but Robin fixes him with a look that demands to know and chastises him for discounting it in the first place, so he continues. “I thought… I thought that if I could just pretend that I wasn’t— losing my best friend until the very last second I would be fine.” 

A heavy breath spills from Robin, and her arms slip from Steve’s arm so she can wriggle them around his middle instead. She smushes herself against him, holding him tight. “You’re not losing me,” she murmurs into his chest. It’s muffled, but her words sound a little wet, like she might be crying now too.

Steve brings his own arms back around Robin, holding her back just as tight. He tips his face down, against her hair, and does his best to hold himself together. To be strong for her now.

“You’re not losing me,” Robin repeats. “And I’m not losing you,” she adds, insistent. “That’s not happening.”

“You’re going to Boston, Rob,” Steve reminds her.

Robin’s head jerks back up at that, displacing Steve. Her eyeliner is smudged a little at the corner, and wetness glitters at her lashlines and in a thin trail down her cheek. Her eyes are big as she fixes them on Steve. “So?” She asks, a little wildly. “So what?”

She twists in place and reaches out to take Steve’s face between her hands. Her thumbs draw across the soft skin beneath his eyes, sweeping away the tears. “I’m going to Boston, Steve, I’m not dying,” she says, and they both wince at that. 

But it’s true.

“976 miles I looked it up already,” Robin tells him, and the corner of her mouth quirks up. “Sixteen hours by car, a day by bus, only two and a half hours on a plane. Or, hell, we’ve got bikes, don’t we? Shoes?”

“Shoes?” Steve repeats, face scrunching up and a small laugh tumbling out.

Robin nods. “Yeah, shoes. I’ll walk back to Hawkins if I have to. I’ll make you walk to Boston if I have to.”

That makes Steve laugh again, and a smile cracks onto his face — the first real one since he’d stepped into this bathroom.

“And I’ve already started saving up quarters,” Robin adds.

“Quarters? For what?”

“For the payphone, dingus,” she answers, flicking Steve gently in the middle of his forehead. “I don’t know what the phone situation is in the dorms, but there’s got to be a payphone somewhere close by, and I’ve already started thinking about what times are best to call at — I won’t know for certain until I’ve seen my class schedule, and I’m sure your Family Video schedule will change too, but we’ll make it work. There’s no time difference, so we don’t have to worry about anyone losing sleep, but I would, if I had to. Lose sleep, I mean. If it meant I got to talk to you.”

An overwhelming rush of love surges up, fills his whole entire heart and spills over, floods his veins and clogs his arteries and spills into every little crack and crevice between his bones. He throws his arms back around Robin, hugging her tight.

“I love you, Rob,” he murmurs into her shoulder.

Robin’s arms come back around Steve, and she kisses his temple. “I love you too, Steve.”

He feels better now, he really does. It still hurts to think about Robin leaving, but he knows she isn’t leaving him. It’s clear that the universe has got to try something a little harder than distance if it wants to split them apart.

When they pull apart, Robin knocks her shoulder into Steve’s. “You ready to go back out there? I think Eddie wants to cut into the cake soon. He’s been eyeing it all night.” She laughs.

Steve smiles. “You go on,” he tells Robin. “I’ll be out in a second, I promise.”

Robin presses her lips together. “Nah, I’ll wait with you,” she tells him. “I said I’m not leaving you and I meant it, Steve Harrington.” A grin pulls at her mouth. “In fact, I’m sticking right by your side until it’s time for me to go. You’re going to get so sick of me you’ll be ecstatic to send me off to Boston. You’ll be counting down the days!”

Steve laughs. Shakes his head. As if he could ever get sick of her.

He knows it’s going to be hard when she does actually leave — like, insanely difficult, harder than Miss O’Donnell’s final kind of hard — but it isn’t forever.

Their friendship? That is, though.

send me a pairing and one of these and i'll write a mini fic

[izzyhandswhore]

Would love to see your hcs of reader taking Izzy out on a date at the beach! :3

((What a cute idea!! Poor man needs to relax a bit. Also is anyone going absolutely FERAL at that new clip?? Because sdbaekfasjfd)) Taking Izzy for a date at the beach!

So after arguing with Stede that pirates don't actually take vacations and time spent docked at a beach is time wasted, Izzy turns to you for backup.. Only to find you've already swapped your weapons for one of Stede's lace parasols. With a heavy sigh, he's defeated.

You take him by the hand and happily drag him away from the rest of the crew to have a private beach day away from the explosives testing, quite public make out sessions and makeshift, boisterous games (not naming any names). You even bring along some sandwiches Roach made, a bottle of rum and some other beachy supplies all carried in a little bucket (that's a secret mousketool we'll use later).

He still tries to argue that this is pointless and the two of you have seen a million beaches over the years, but you still point out how nice the sunshine is, how beautiful the sea looks and generally how peaceful it all is. He'd usually find relentless optimism annoying, but it's different with you. Eventually you get him to admit that the quiet is nice at least.

The two of you sit on the sand and look out at the horizon, hand in hand, letting him have his peace and quiet for a while. You toe your boots off and dig your feet in the sand, just enjoying the feeling. Izzy argues that him taking his shoes off would give him a disadvantage if an ambush or something was to occur but of course he can never really say no to you. If you pay close attention you can see him visibly relax as his feet sink into the sand. He squeezes your hand just that little bit tighter.

After some rest, food/drink and light conversation it's like Izzy is a completely different person in the best way. You didn't realise how much you missed his laugh and smile until now... He laughs at you even more when you take the bucket and start teaching him how to make sandcastles.

Okay hear me out. At first Izzy is laughing at you and insisting that this is completely childish and affectionately calling you mad.. And then you lose him to the sandcastle. The man is running back and forth to the sea to get water for better structure. He's digging moats. You hunt down seashells and driftwood and he makes little windows and defenses from them. He has such an intense look of concentration on his face but you can tell that he's so happy.. This is probably the first time he's allowed himself to "play" since he was a child, though of course you don't point this out to him or he'd probably stop.

By the time you're done you've built an entire sand fortress which is pretty impressive considering your lack of tools. You've both also got yourselves hot and sweaty, especially Izzy with his leather. So next stop is a quick dip in the sea. He may also need a bit of coaxing for this one, but it's a lot easier than it was at the start of the day. You take him by the hand again and the two of you step into the cold water, taking the piss out of each other for any gasps or hesitations, daring each other to go further and further..

Once he's up to about his knees he insists he's not going any further until you go beyond his reach and "lose your footing". Immediately he's by your side and pulling you up, seriously worried until he sees that you're laughing. You think he's going to be angry with you but instead he initiates what becomes a full-blown water fight. You're both splashing each other and hurling stupid affectionate insults and eventually it devolves into just wrestling each other into the water. He wins every time of course, but he never actually hurts you. Eventually you call a breathless truce and are left just holding each other in the water as the sun starts to set.

Izzy looks at you like you're his whole world then. He touches your face so gently and thanks you for the day, telling you he knows what he's like and how it's been worse since joining the Revenge and everything. He tells you he's not ungrateful for you and everything you do for him. He knows. You just smile and shut him up with a kiss that tastes like salt and rum. He only pulls away when the sea breeze finally makes you shiver and he realises he should get you home.

The two of you leave your sandcastle standing and return to the crew. You notice him sneaking glances at you in your wet clothing and the way it clings to your skin.. He stammers and gets all flustered if you or the crew point it out though. He takes you back aboard the ship to change clothes and get you all warmed up.. How you guys go about that is up to you <3

The night ends with a big bonfire on the beach with the whole crew. Frenchie starts a sing-along, rum is shared around and all in all it's just good vibes.

[noordzee]

I have returned once again with more ofmd gnome content!

Fairy!Stede the invalid, under Gnome!Ed's expert care, and Stede admiring Ed's, uh, tattoos, nothing but his tattoos, fine draftsmanship there!

There was an optical illusion in the last set, formed by Ed's hat and a curtain, that looked like a beach umbrella when the picture was thumbnail-sized. So I decided I had to make that happen for real and gave Stede a cocktail umbrella parasol, based on that one bts pic of Rhys. And one of the few plot ideas I have for this silly little AU is Ed taking Stede back to the fairy village once he feels better and they attend a party together. It... goes about as well as it did in episode 5, but at least the boys look dashing.

Also: while the sentence "Fairy Stede was in a loveless arranged marriage with his fairy wife" is both Too Stupid and Too Melodramatic for this AU, I did want to draw Mary as a daffodil fairy, I think it suits her. Perhaps they're just friends in this universe. I hemmed and hawed about coloring these for ages mostly because I was terrified of drawing her tiger swallowtail wings, but they turned out alright, whew!

[areyoudoingthis]

Rated E, 6,971 words.

Ed gets a lazy morning full of warmth and orgasms. - Stede's hair is a random mess of flattened curls and golden strands sticking up wildly in every direction, and there's a bit of drool drying in the corner of his mouth. He looks adorably peaceful as his chest rises and falls at an even rhythm beneath the blankets, and Ed blinks sluggishly and tries to shake off the fog of sleep so he can drink in every minute detail.

Stede's hair is a random mess of flattened curls and golden strands sticking up wildly in every direction, and there's a bit of drool drying in the corner of his mouth. He looks adorably peaceful as his chest rises and falls at an even rhythm beneath the blankets, and Ed blinks sluggishly and tries to shake off the fog of sleep so he can drink in every minute detail.

The hair is probably his fault, he thinks with a self-satisfied smirk as the memories of the previous night start trickling back. A thrum of contentment goes through him as he remembers holding on to it a little too enthusiastically, and Stede being keenly on board with it.

He struggles to wake up fully, fights heavy eyelids and the inviting warmth that threatens to pull him back under, doesn't want to give in to it because Stede is soft and devastatingly cute right next to him, and the whole world seems to be holding its breath just for the two of them. Basking in the perfect stillness of this moment seems a lot more tempting to Ed than sleep.

He stretches his arms over his head with a yawn and shuffles around until he's settled comfortably on his side. His knee twinges when he bends it, and he winces and thinks again that he's gotta get around to finding a new brace for it soon - he can already tell it's gonna bother him all day after the workout he gave it last night. The bruises in his thighs and neck ache a lot more pleasantly, though, and excitement shoots through him when he pictures what he's gonna look like standing naked in front of the mirror.

He shifts his leg around until he finds a position that doesn't hurt his knee, yawns again and enjoys being snug in their big new bed under their soft new blankets. He makes a game of counting the freckles on Stede's nose to stay awake - there are a lot more now that he's stopped carrying his little parasols with him whenever he's in the sun, and Ed loves them but also misses how fucking cute he looked hiding under those. He's up to thirteen and starting to map out constellations on his skin when his mind suddenly grabs onto a thought and pushes it insistently to the front. Is this the first slow, relaxed morning he's had in... years? Maybe ever? The room is bathed in golden sunlight, he woke up with a smile on his face and he feels content and at peace. The bed is warm, Stede's body's warm next to him; Ed feels warm in every way that counts. And not just that, he feels safe and home, for the first time in a long time.

Next thing he knows, blood is rushing in his ears and he can feel his pulse rocket in his neck at the same time as the breath gets stuck inside his chest and every one of his limbs locks up. His heart is racing madly, and he's irrationally terrified of moving an inch and having all of this disappear on him somehow.

He knows that's not how it works, knows Stede and the bed and the house are solid around him and they can't vanish that easily. But things haven't exactly been stable lately, and easy and safe are not things he's used to, especially not first thing in the morning. He's used to his days beginning with a rush and a whole lotta clatter, generally with Izzy yelling at someone before the sun was even up. And the past few months have been even worse than the uszh - he didn't do a lot of waking up because he wasn't sleeping much to begin with, relying on drugs and sheer stubbornness to keep him going instead. His nights and days had been blurring into one big endless nightmare for a while.

He takes a deep breath and reminds himself that part of his life is over now, Stede came back and he loves him and they've retired to become innkeepers, he's left all of that behind. But the memories and the dread of those achingly empty days still cling to him. It's hard to shake them off when they stretched for so long and he can still count on the fingers of one hand the number of times he's woken up next to Stede and been able to enjoy an uncomplicated lazy morning in bed with him.

Their first morning together he was up at dawn while Stede still slept, doing his best to forget everything that happened before he was dragged into his room and had the breath kissed out of him, trying to drown all his demons at once by sinking his leathers to the bottom of the ocean, useless as it was.

Their first few days in the cabin have been fun (because anywhere is fun with Stede), but not exactly restful - there were piles of dust and cobwebs and bird shit everywhere when they got here, not to mention the weeds and a critter or two, and they really shot themselves in the foot by not bringing any furniture with them. For days they've been making do with a few blankets on the hard floor and getting up with the sun to get this place cleaned up and as close as they could to inhabitable. This is his first morning waking up in their brand new bed, in their neat, bug free room, with nowhere to be in a hurry and no one demanding shit from him. It's disconcerting in its newness.

He tries to ignore his racing mind and relax back into his previous calm state, fills his lungs with the unfamiliar smells of their new home and the familiar scent of the man sleeping peacefully next to him, focuses on the warmth of the sunlight caressing his face, listens to Stede's soft snores and watches his eyelids flutter in sleep. He tells his brain firmly to stop being a dick so fucking early in the morning, but it's hard to get it to shut up once it's awake, especially when it's running a mile a minute and making his heart beat loudly in his ears like it expects an attack any moment.

He gives up on it after a few minutes, turns around on the bed and burrows into Stede, seeking body heat and the reassurance of his presence by Ed's side. Stede shuffles in his sleep, tugs Ed closer as if he's welcoming him home even in dreams. Ed sighs happily and lets himself be pulled, shelters comfortably in his arms and feels his heartbeat beginning to slow down already. It's amazing what Stede's touch can do to him, it's like his mind and body react to him more readily than they do to Ed's own commands sometimes.

He sighs as his body releases all the tension it was holding and decides then and there that this is how he wants to wake up every morning from now on, warm from head to toe in a room brimming with sunlight, sheets soft under his skin and bed full of the man he loves, with no one demanding shit from him.

He's hovering in that pleasant state between awake and asleep when Stede shifts some more against him and Ed can suddenly feel his erection pressing between them. His mind rushes back to full wakefulness, heart rate picking up again for an entirely different, far more enjoyable reason this time. He smiles in delight - this is already much more like his idea of a perfect morning than it was five minutes ago. He pushes closer and tilts his hips into Stede's body, repeats the motion a few times and feels his own cock stir in interest.

The sheets rustle behind him and Stede's face presses into Ed's back, so close that he can feel his delicate eyelashes brush his skin as he blinks his eyes open, hear the vibrations as he rasps, voice still drenched in sleep, "Morning, darling."

Ed beams, much happier now that Stede has joined him in being awake and their day can start.

"Mornin' babe."

He grinds into him a little more intentionally, enjoys the enticing drag of Stede's cock against his ass and is really fucking pleased they went to bed naked last night.

"Mmm, feels nice," Stede murmurs, arm tightening around Ed's middle, cheek nuzzling his skin. He smiles against his shoulder blade and his breath tickles the nape of Ed's neck as he asks, "Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah, bed's great, 's like lying on a cloud." He yawns, feels the remains of something unsettled still stirring within him so he adds, "But I missed ya."

"While you were asleep?" Stede's tone is playful, like Ed just said something really funny. But Ed means it, has spent weeks missing him, months, years even. Probably his whole life.

"What if I did," he replies, and it comes out a little petulant.

He doesn't want to talk about where his mind was before Stede woke up. Wants even less to own up to how lost he was barely a week ago, unable to sleep and crying on the floor of the captain's cabin on the Revenge, playing with dolls painted to look like the two of them and believing that Stede had left him for good, feeling the lowest he's ever felt in his life as a result.

He means so much more than a few hours when he says he missed him, but he doesn't want to get into it while they're cuddling in bed after having barely woken up. Doesn't want to crack himself open and start rummaging around in his tenderest bits when he's already almost ruined his own perfect morning by panicking before he was even awake for half an hour. It's all still too raw and it's too fucking early in the day to be bringing up that heavy shit anyway.

They have talked over the past few days, a bit here and there, but the time they spent apart still seems like such a tangled thing to start unraveling. He's aware that they’ll have to talk about it eventually if they want to avoid crashing on the same rocks and shredding themselves against them all over again, but it's scary as fuck if he's being honest. And he doesn't want to think or talk about that or anything else right now. All he wants is for Stede to make the bad memories go away, to hold him close and fuck him slow and deep while everything feels sleepy and quiet around and inside him.

"Missed you too," Stede answers, easy as breathing, brushes his hair aside to drop a gentle kiss behind his ear that feels a lot like understanding and acceptance. The dark thoughts scatter like shadows, like Stede's opened a window somewhere inside Ed's mind and now bright sunlight's streaming in like the tide.

He hums at the contrast between Stede's soft lips and the tickle of his early morning stubble on a sensitive spot, delights in the lazy pinpricks of heat it sends scattering through him and the way his mind has gone quiet again at the touch. 

Stede strokes a warm hand down the line of Ed's body, lavishes soft, affectionate kisses between his shoulders that have him melting into syrupy bliss.

Ed keeps grinding idly against him, chases his own sweet pleasure in Stede's body while the morning stretches hazy and indulgent around them. Stede licks and sucks at his pulse point, lets gentle fingers roam in a lazy caress over his skin, and Ed's floating dreamily on a cloud of want and slow rolling heat.

"Need you, Stede," he sighs, barely even aware of what he means other than more and closer, his motions becoming more insistent with every press of Stede's lips and tongue on his neck.

Stede holds him tight to his chest as he starts rocking against him in turn. Ed's back bows and his breath quickens, heat pooling thick in his hips and his chest with the intoxicating combination of Stede's hard cock and tender touch. 

"What do you want, darling?" he murmurs, low and intentional, and Ed shivers as his tone shoots electric down his spine.

"Don't wanna move," he answers, and he doesn't, this right here is perfect already.

Stede chuckles in his ear, warm breath ghosting over his skin and making every hair on Ed's body stand on end. A low moan escapes his lips before he can bite it back.

"'s nice," he defends.

"It is," Stede agrees. "But I meant a bit more specifically."

Ah, of course, Stede's still learning his way around this, isn't he, around sex and intimacy and all the wondrous things they can get up to together. It's so fucking weird how it feels like they've been doing this -being Ed-and-Stede, openly in love and having a go at this relationship thing- for a hundred years, but it's actually only been a few days. And it's not like Ed isn't getting used to all of it too, not like Stede hasn't introduced him to a whole lotta new and firsts himself.

He dreams of five, ten, fifteen years from now, when their bodies know each other so well that they can move together on their own, know all the right spots to touch that will make the other shiver, where to kiss and where to bite down, when to be gentle and when to be rough, how to use their hands and tongues to make each other scream. He wants to spend his life learning Stede inside and out, thrills in anticipation of the journey that will get them there.

"Just keep your hands on me," he asks. He wants Stede to keep touching him for another two or three weeks for a start, thinks he might starve if he stops.

"Happy to," Stede agrees.

And he takes the request to heart. He slides an arm under Ed and splays his hand against his stomach to hold him steady as he rocks against him, unhurried and uncoordinated, chasing mindless friction more than any goal in particular. He traces the fingertips of the other one all the way from his hipbone to his armpit, has Ed's eyes falling shut and a sigh escaping his lungs with how good it feels to be touched so sweetly.

Stede presses his lips over and over to the sleep-warm skin of his back as his hand wanders over the rest of his body, skates up his inner thigh and his stomach to run through his chest hair, lingers there a bit longer than anywhere else. Ed smiles. Stede seems to have a fascination with all the hair on his body, and he's more than happy to indulge it.

He turns his head in a silent request and Stede doesn't make him wait, meets his lips for a wet, sloppy kiss that's so fucking hot it's got Ed halfway to hard in an instant. He thinks he could start writing poems about how good kissing Stede is, much better stuff to write about than what inspired his last song.

He gasps into Stede's mouth when his palm drags indolently over his tits and catches on a nipple, hisses and arches back eagerly against him when he does it again, on purpose this time.

"You're sensitive here," Stede comments, as if he's making an observation and plans to start taking notes any minute. He probably is, the lunatic.

"Yeah," Ed replies, although it comes out more as a breathy moan than an actual word, because Stede's gently rolling the nipple against the pad of his thumb now.

"You really liked it when I sucked it into my mouth last night," he breathes hotly into his ear, and Ed's brain scrambles.

"I really fuckin' like your mouth, as a general rule."

Stede groans and snaps his hips a little harder, and Ed makes a mental note of his own that goes Stede really fuckin' likes it when I praise him in bed . He's pleased that they're well on their way to reaching his five year sex goals, good thing they're both overachievers.

"You certainly seem to like having it on your cock," Stede says, and Ed's mouth waters at his brazenness and the way he says it, like he's savoring the word on his tongue the same way they've discovered he likes to do with his actual dick. 

"I like it when you're using it to say dirty shit that drives me insane, too," Ed volleys back. This seems to be rapidly escalating into a dirty talk competition of some sort that Stede appears determined to win.

"Hmm, good to know," he smirks, and proceeds to latch his lips onto one of the bruises he left on Ed's neck last night and suck, hard. Ed moans and shudders, feels it reverberate all the way through him and settle molten between his legs.

"Fuck, that's great, too. Don't stop."

Stede's a really quick study, keeps playing with Ed's nipples as he nibbles on his neck like a fucking hungry vampire, rolls them between his fingers and pinches them, experiments with roughness and pressure, and before long Ed's blood is boiling with urgent need.

He starts mindlessly humping his hips into the air, hunger scorching through every inch of him and threatening to unravel him, dick aching to be touched. He decides to do something about it and tangles his fingers with Stede's, pulls his hand down to where he needs it, to where his cock is hard and leaking for him, all for him.

Stede moans deep in his chest and does exactly what Ed wants, fists his dick in the warm palm of his hand and begins stroking him slowly.

"Like that, babe. Love your hands," Ed hums in satisfaction, rocking his hips into the touch.

He swims in rapturous heat as Stede spreads the precome beading at the tip over the head and slides his fingers loosely around it, enough for it to feel fucking fantastic but not to drive him towards the edge anytime soon, like he's planning to take his time with Ed's pleasure this morning. Ed's breath hitches at the prospect.

Stede hooks a leg over his waist and smooths his foot languidly along his shin, makes sparks dance on his skin with the intimate touch as he fans the flames gathering in his belly by pumping his cock at an agonizingly slow pace at the same time. Ed grunts and bucks his hips, feels impossibly, maddeningly close to Stede with his body all over him like this.

He goes to move his own hand out of the way but Stede holds on to it, whispers filthily in his ear, "Show me how you like it."

Ed's eyes roll into the back of his head, and an obscenely loud moan tears out of him as whatever remained of his brain evaporates at the shameless invitation. Stede's gonna fucking kill him one of these days with the things that come out of his mouth.

He blinks a few times until he can focus again and reaches his free hand under the pillow, finds the oil he had the forethought to tuck out of the way last night before it ended up spilling all over their nice new sheets. Stede gets the hint and helps him get the flask open, and Ed pours some on his hand before he stoppers it again. It slips from his fingers and thuds onto the mattress when Stede's slick palm closes around him in a loose stroke.

"Fuck, Stede, the way you touch me."

"Help me make it even better," Stede murmurs, striking the perfect balance between suggestion and demand to have Ed's brain freezing and then hastening to comply.

He tangles their fingers back together, guides Stede to put the right amount of pressure around him and starts moving their hands over his length. His mouth falls open on a soundless gasp at the unexpected onslaught of sensation. They've barely even gotten started and it's already so much better than doing this to himself, and it honestly doesn't surprise him - Stede's hands on him are enough to have fireworks going off behind his eyelids under pretty much any circumstances. And holding hands around his dick as he shows him how he likes to be touched is one of the sweetest, hottest things anyone's ever asked him to do in bed. 

He pulls out all the stops, shows him how to switch between squeezing his fist up and down the shaft and focusing more delicate touches on the head, gasps every time the pads of Stede's fingers brush against his heated flesh. He can feel his eyes glued to every motion of their joint hands, decides he might as well give him a show and presses his thumb into the slit, follows it with a twist of his wrist that has his toes curling and a string of moans and curses dropping from his lips.

"God, you're beautiful like this, Ed," Stede pants, voice full of wonder, like he's watching a really pretty sunset or staring at a nice painting.

Ed shivers and turns his head to find his lips again, trades messy kisses back and forth as he keeps fucking himself with Stede's hand. He's heard a lot of things during sex in the past, some of them praises even, but no one's ever called him beautiful and love and darling like Stede does, like Ed's something precious and cherished and he needs to make sure he hears it as he's making him come undone. 

Stede bites his lower lip greedily as he lets Ed use his fingers however he likes, and Ed moans into his mouth and keeps showing him every move he has. He can imagine the cogs whirring inside Stede's skull, memorizing details about his dick the same way he memorized the parts of a ship before he ever got on one or fifty different names for the wind that he likes to bring up at random. The idea is insanely fucking hot.

"Let me try it now?" Stede asks after a while of letting Ed fuck his hand with abandon. Ed curses as white hot lust rushes through him, setting every last corner of him aflame.

Jesus fuckin' Christ on a cracker.

He removes his fingers and this time Stede lets him, proceeds to imitate everything Ed showed him with dedicated precision, has Ed dissolving into a blissful puddle in his arms in no fucking time at all. It'd be a little embarrassing, the way Stede manages to take him apart within seconds with a few touches, if he didn't feel so fucking safe and loved at the same time as he's going mad with the pleasure cascading brightly through every inch of him.

Stede keeps working him in his fist until he's got jerking off Ed's dick down to an art, starts growing bold and adding a few flourishes of his own eventually. Ed moans with every heated stroke of his fingers, can't stop himself from rocking into them and seeking more.

"You're so sweet, darling," Stede says, licking his shoulder blade. "You even taste sweet."

"That's probably the oil from last night's massage you're tasting," Ed grunts. He doesn't think his skin tastes of anything in particular, except maybe sea salt, and probably not even that anymore.

"Mm, I'm not sure," Stede goes on. "I'll need to do more research before I can give you an official conclusion."

Ed snorts. What a loon. He's so absurdly gone on him.

Stede wraps his fingers around the head of Ed's cock and flicks his wrist just like he showed him, and Ed arches his back and presses his hips forward into it, delights in the flames that spark through him as Stede's fingers touch him exactly the way he likes. It may not even take them five years after all, they may have their whole sex life figured out by the end of the year at this pace.

And then Stede's hand leaves his dick altogether to cup his balls and play with them lightly, and Ed whines in surprise as much as pleasure, writhes helplessly under his touch, dizzy with lust and drunk on him. He didn't even show him this, this is one hundred percent Stede and his fucking fascinating mind at work.

He keeps rolling his balls gently between his fingers until Ed feels like he's about to snap.

"Stede ," he whimpers.

"Is this working for you?" he asks, sounding both genuinely curious and a little smug at the same time, as if he already knows what the answer's going to be.

"Yeah," he replies, honest and raw. It's not like it's a secret; Ed isn't playing hard to get here.

Stede hums and kisses his jaw, switches to stroking his fingers down Ed's thighs, a barely there whisper that makes goosebumps break out wherever they go. He moves promisingly close to his dick and Ed tries to thrust into it, but Stede draws away to rake his fingernails lightly through his pubic hair instead, and it pulls a choked gasp from Ed's throat. He presses his fingers gently into one of the purple bruises that decorate Ed's thighs, and Ed outright whines at the pleasure-pain that pulses through him. Every touch feels like silk and lava, has fire catching on his skin and in his veins. Stede's hands are fucking magical.

Stede never stops rolling his hips as his hands tease and caress, and it's all driving Ed mad, the warmth of his body pressed so close, the tantalizing drag of his cock against his ass and the way it catches on his rim every now and then, the fingers now stroking slowly up the underside of his dick, sparking sheer, blazing need in his core. It's like Stede’s in no hurry to go anywhere, and Ed suddenly needs more, needs to feel him all over him, to be drowning in him until there's nothing else left in the world.

He reaches a hand behind him and digs his fingers into Stede's waist, presses himself as close to him as he can and cants his hips.

" Ed ," Stede groans, clutching him tightly.

"Want your dick inside me."

He feels Stede shudder and bury a whine in his neck.

"I won't last long, darling. I'm already close, you feel fantastic like this," he says, running his fingers delicately over the swell of his ass as he ruts his cock between his cheeks. "And watching you fall apart under my touch... God, Ed, you're absolutely perfect."

Ed feels warmth flush all over him at the praise, feels suffused with so much love he doesn't think his body will be enough to hold it. It drips liquid like honey through his veins, settles golden in his heart.

"Doesn't matter," he reassures, voice saturated with affection and need. "Wanna feel you come inside me."

Stede moans brokenly and stills against him, takes a few deep breaths and says, sounding strained, "You're not helping matters, Edward."

Ed chuckles. Like he should be sorry for a little begging after every dirty thing that's come out of Stede's mouth this morning?

Stede nips his shoulder. "Keep that up and you won't get what you want," he scolds.

Fuck, that's hot. He likes it when Stede tells him what to do, has for a long time, decided it was maybe his third new favorite thing in the world as soon as he heard the words I'm your captain come out of his mouth (the first two are Stede in general and the way he's always so gentle and attentive with him, in bed and out of it). He makes it his immediate goal to see what it takes to get him to do it again.

Stede pats the bed until he finds the oil where Ed dropped it earlier, and soon enough he's got a slick finger teasing at his entrance. Ed thrills with anticipation for what's coming next - if Stede's hands feel wonderful on him, they're even better in him. Stede draws lazy circles around the muscle, pushes in tentatively with two fingers at once, and Ed's whole mind flares bright at the pressure right where he needs it.

"You're still so loose," Stede purrs, stroking his fingers slowly in and out of his body. His voice sounds awed at the discovery.

"Yeah, happens when you got fucked into the mattress a few hours ago."

It doesn't hurt that Stede's been reducing him to putty for what feels like ages with a single hand on his dick, either, or that he gave Ed the best massage of his fucking life last night. Every muscle in Ed's body feels relaxed and loose.

Stede groans and bites down on his shoulder again, thrusts his fingers deep into the heat of Ed's body. Ed gasps and writhes in his arms.

"Fucking hell, Edward."

"Like the thought of fuckin' me often enough that I'll always be ready for you?" he challenges.

Stede crowds closer, brushes Ed's ear with his lips, whispers his next words right into it, "Are you doing it on purpose, darling?"

Ed feels strangely caught out even though he has been literally asking for it, reels for a second until he reminds himself that this is Stede, he can trust him with anything. He exhales the breath he's been holding and answers, "Yeah. What are you gonna do about it?"

Stede responds by crooking his knuckles sharply and keeping the pads of his fingers pressed against his prostate until Ed goes dizzy with it, whimpers at the unrelenting waves of pleasure rolling through him. The world fades for a few seconds, is reduced to Stede's fingers and frantic heat and Ed could swear the sun's come down from the sky to burn inside him for a moment.

"Look at that, you can be quiet after all," Stede growls. "You wanted me inside you," he punctuates the words with a deep thrust that has Ed's breath hitching and sharpening into a whine. "Wait until I've given you what you want," he does it again. "And then you can talk as filthy as you like."

Ed's mind blanks at the order, mouth falling shut and brain emptying of anything but the need to do as he's told. Stede's fingers are stretching him so sweetly already, he can be good and wait to have his cock.

For the next few minutes he takes everything Stede gives him as quietly as he can, focuses on the firestorm gathering in his hips and practices being patient. He's helpless to staunch the needy little sounds that escape him with every knuckle that slips past his entrance as he works him open, but he doesn't break until he can feel the blunt head of Stede’s dick press against him and slip into his hole.

"Can I talk now?" he bursts, at last. It sounds breathless to his own ears.

Stede laughs, a ragged and frenzied thing.

"Can't promise this won't be over really quickly if you do," he grunts as he sinks into him inch by lovely inch. He presses closer and closer until he's buried inside him balls deep, and Ed floods with ecstasy at finally getting what he's been craving.

"Don't care," he pants. And he really doesn't, just being joined like this with him is everything. "You feel fuckin' amazing inside me, Stede. Fuckin' love the way you fill me."

" Darling ," Stede moans, and rests his forehead on Ed's shoulder, breathes heavily like he's struggling to keep it together as much as Ed is, like this is all a little overwhelming for him as well. "You feel wonderful, too. Always so good for me." Ed dissolves into dazzling brightness at the neverending praise.

Stede plants his foot on the bed and drapes himself over Ed's back, starts rolling his hips at an easy pace. It's fucking great to feel him move against him his in this position. He's curled tight around Ed's body, blanketing him better than any fabric he's ever covered himself with, skin soft and warm, muscles hard underneath, holding him close against his chest as if he never wants to let go.

Ed's heart beats thunderously at the closeness, a river of fire flowing through his body with every maddening drag of Stede's cock inside him. He pants and lets himself be tugged by the current, rides the waves of pleasure Stede keeps him swimming in and knows that he's safe as long as he's got him, could never drown here.

It's all already so much, and then Stede adjusts the angle until he finds the one that makes Ed curse as stars erupt behind his eyelids.

"There?"

"Yeah, shit, right there," he groans.

Stede feeds the heat coursing liquid inside him with every snap of his hips, wrings every ounce of ecstasy he can out of him. This is all Ed wants for the rest of his life.

"Does it feel good, sweetheart?" Stede asks, pulls almost all the way out and slides hotly back in.

"So good, Stede. Fuck , do that again." Ed knows he's babbling a little incoherently, can't be bothered to give a single fuck about it. His mind is blissfully quiet and he's dying for more, and Stede is so good at giving him what he needs.

Stede builds up a slow, burning rhythm, brushes relentlessly against Ed's prostate and takes him higher and higher with every thrust. Ed shuts his eyes tight and focuses on the warmth of Stede draped over him, the way his lips and tongue brush over his skin everywhere they can reach, the blazing pleasure unfurling inside him. He loses track of what's coming out of his mouth, could guess it's probably a combination of Stede's name and shameless pleas for more.

"I love your body, Ed," Stede whispers like a confession as he moves inside him. "Love all of you so much."

The words wash over Ed like the sun glittering on the waves, light him up from the inside until he feels like his skin should be glowing with it. He practically sobs Stede's name as he intertwines his fingers with the ones pressed against his stomach, pushes back into him until he's as close as he can be.

Stede kisses his shoulder, his neck, his scalp, and Ed feels every press of his feverish lips as another declaration of love, thinks of names written in permanent ink and vows of his own he'd like to make some day. He feels bathed inside and out by the sunlight streaming through the window, by the warmth of the love being poured into his body.

"Love you, Stede," he whispers back. "Love you so much."

Stede buries his face between Ed's shoulders, snaps his hips a little faster, and they pant together as he fucks him just like he wanted, gives Ed exactly what he needed when he woke up feeling out of sorts about his life being too nice all of a sudden. His brain is definitely on board with too nice now, would like another hundred mornings like this one, please and thank you.

Stede's cock is perfect inside him, all velvety heat and delicious pressure as it stretches and fills him just the way he likes. It sparks something wild in him every time it slides in and out of his hole, every time it presses just right against the perfect spot inside him. He's so close already, and then Stede snakes a hand around his waist to wrap around his dick again, and Ed is melting, surrounded by red-hot flames on all sides.

"So close, Stede. Fuck. Please don't stop, please, please ," he begs.

Stede's movements stutter and his pace becomes a little more frantic, but he doesn't stop, keeps driving heatedly into Ed's body as his hand works his cock in the tight, hot circle of his fist in tandem with his hips. Heat swells inside Ed like a hurricane with every touch, with every inch of their skin pressing together, with every needy noise Stede lets out above him.

"Yes, yes . Come on, Ed." Stede sounds halfway to wrecked already, pace turning all the way from sweet and lazy to erratic and desperate as he speaks. Ed's almost ready to let go, too. "You feel - ah - too good, darling. I'm- god , I'm gonna come."

"Go ahead, babe, let me feel you."

Stede moans his name, keeps thrusting rapidly for a few more seconds before he buries himself deep inside Ed once, twice, and spills hotly within him.

Ed whimpers and comes right after, the feeling of Stede's cock pulsing inside him, of his come slick and messy in his hole enough to push him over the edge, too.

He's engulfed by heat, mind and body full of nothing but Stede and molten pleasure. It's like hitting the water at a hundred miles an hour and executing a perfect dive, the waves parting easily around him to lick welcoming tongues of fire all over his skin. Pure ecstasy ripples blindingly through him until it's all that's left and Ed is being consumed by it.

He makes a mess of Stede's hand as he comes all over it in hot, thick white ropes that seem to go on forever. Stede keeps working him through it, milks every last drop out of him until Ed starts shaking from too good and too much.

Stede releases him then, wipes his hand on the already ruined sheets and runs it over Ed's feverish skin in tender, soothing motions, whispers praises into his ear - so good, Ed, love you, you were amazing -, until Ed comes down and sinks against him, limbs heavy and mind light. He drinks in the warmth of Stede's body, feels his heart beat wildly against his back and cherishes the proof of his life flowing strong and steady through him.

"You gonna keep talking like that all day?" he asks, in between gulps of breath. 

"Would it be such a big problem for you?"

He chooses that moment to pull out of him. Ed shudders.

"Fuck me, Stede. We won't get a thing done if you keep running that mouth of yours."

"I remember you having a few dirty things of your own to contribute," Stede remarks as he brushes Ed's damp hair out of his face, strokes his palm lazily down the curve of his waist. "Had to shut you up about it, in fact."

And he did it so beautifully, treated Ed just like he needed. He feels tingly all over at the memory, will make him do it again if it gets him fucked this thoroughly then, too. He brings Stede's hand to his lips and kisses his palm, a wordless thank you for taking such good care of him.

They lie contentedly together, exchanging soft touches as they wait for their breaths to even out and their hearts to settle. It's peaceful and perfect, until Stede's stomach rumbles loudly in the quiet room. Ed laughs until he has tears in his eyes.

"Maybe we can table our discussion until after breakfast," Stede concedes.

"Oh, it was a discussion, was it?"

"Would you like to think about it as more of a healthy competition?"

Ed pounces on him and kisses him until he's stolen all the air from his lungs. Stede flounders in shock for a fraction of a second before he's kissing back with equal enthusiasm, buries a hand in Ed's hair like he'd be more than happy to go at it all over again. Ed's stomach is the one that interrupts them this time.

"Make me breakfast while I run us a bath and I'll let you win this time, 'kay?"

"That wouldn't be sportsmanlike, darling," he complains, and pinches his ass.

"I'm starving here, babe." He sits on Stede’s hips and gives him one of the pleading, wide eyed looks that he's quickly discovered will get him anything he wants.

"Oh, alright, that's uncalled for, Ed. You're playing dirty."

"Thought that's what you were all about these days," he teases good naturedly as he bends down to steal one more kiss from Stede’s lips.

He feels cheerful and airy as he gets out of bed and slips on his favorite soft robe, stumbling start to the morning all but forgotten after being wrapped in Stede's warmth and loved so earnestly and absolutely. 

Stede comes to join him, wraps his arms around him from behind and smiles as he hooks his chin on Ed's shoulder.

"I win, anyway. I get to hold you forever," he declares.

Ed's knees go a little weak at that. He didn't know it was possible to love anyone this much before Stede, didn't think he was even capable of loving like this. He remembers standing on the edge of a cliff and declaring himself unlovable, remembers the hair-raising fall that followed, too.

But he was willing to do something about it after all, wasn't he? He's learning to ask for what he wants, learning to give himself permission to accept what Stede gives freely, learning to believe that he means every praise he gives, every I love you he gifts him. He turns around in his arms and kisses him tenderly.

"And I get to be held by you." He smiles against his lips. "I think we both win."

Stede's eyes shine brighter than the morning sun.

Ed can hear him sing all the way from the bathroom as he makes breakfast for two, a catchy, cheery tune. He manages not to burn the toast this time.

[patchworkpiratebear]

Stede is very happy in Monet's "woman with a parasol" painting 💕

[you-go-too-slow-for-me]

Canon Diversion from S2Ep8:

SPOILERS AHOY!

■ Izzy survives

■ He's resting up with Stede and Ed until The Revenge crew comes back for him

■ Stede and Ed are enjoying their honeymoon phase at the Inn

■ Izzy is sick of it

■ Queue this situation:

🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️

Izzy: what the fuck are we doing?

Stede: we're relaxing Izzy, enjoying the sun and sea

Izzy: One, we're not in the sea you twat. And two, you're under a fucking parasol

Ed: Oh cheer up mate! Just try and relax *reclining in his chair and reaching out to hold Stede's hand*

Izzy: I'll relax my fucking stomach contents on you in a minute cocksuckers

Ed: *smiling widely* So good to have you back mate

🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️

[adickaboutspoons]

"Primary" closet?

So it's all fun jokes about clotheshorse Stede and his multiple closets, but have you guys taken any time to look in his actual primary closet? Because its... it's just not in any way functional to dress himself on a daily basis.

So first, there's only one hanger rail, and as near as I can tell, it seems to be a mixture of frock coats and waistcoats, but no breeches (like we saw Stede hung breeches in the aux closet).

There are only 24 hangers on it (maybe up to 38 if we assume there were hangers removed for each of the frock coats and waistcoats in which Stede costumed his crew), which is a lot, but if there's a waistcoat to match ever frock coat, that's only 19 of each. I'll admit I'm a bit of a clotheshorse myself, but I'm pretty sure I have 19 dresses in my closet. So where are the shirts, breeches, and stockings? NOT IN THE PRIMARY CLOSET, THAT'S FOR SURE!

Here's the best pic I can get of the other side: There's a cabinet with some wigs and atomizers on top. Another waistcoat for some reason, with his little tricorn hat from the first episode balanced on top. a couple of shoe forms, and his parasol. We see a reflection of the interior of the cabinet in the 1st episode, and it appears to be empty except for a couple of wig forms.

Stede does have a chest-of-drawers at the foot of his bed, but it only has, like, 3 fairly shallow drawers, and 4 very small drawers (prolly for shoe ribbons, garters, handkerchiefs and maybe stockings or cravats):

So he prolly gets his base layer on in the bed nook when he gets up in the morning, and then goes to the primary closet for the waistcoat and coat, but even so, considering the aux closet has not only two much longer hanging rails, at least one 7-drawer dresser, several chests, various hatboxes, and a whole armoire?

The aux wardrobe is SO much more practical as a primary source for garments.

[cottoncandiescupcakes]

SPOILERS ofmd season 2

Ok so dancing scene? Party on a boat. Izzy is there with a green/green screen? foot and a flower in his lapel. Fang has a flower on his headband or behind his ear. Dancing with Roach obviously. There’s a parasol. Could be a Stede/Ed or Pete/Lucius wedding, could be just a party.

[babyjop]

i love bby izzy so much and especially your version of him, are there any thoughts or headcanons you have to share?

Baby Izzy, joy of my heart <3

Canon Era:

He has food issues in both the sense that lots of foods cause him digestive issues and that he has been living with food insecurity for long periods of his life. Ed and Stede try to keep a supply of safe foods he can snack on out in the open whenever he's small.

Ed once gave him the teeny tiny version of the Revenge as a bathtub toy. Izzy tried to sink it. Ed never gave him the teeny tiny Revenge again.

Other babies will insist they need no naptime. Izzy loves naptime. Please give him naptime. More naptime.

When he and Ed sleep in the same bed he always manages to get some of his hair into his mouth. Even when Ed pulls it together or into a bun. It remains a mystery how he does it.

Modern AU:

I think he actually deals with heat very well, those black clothes adult him wears aren't just for aesthetic, hot weather genuinely doesn't bother him that much. When he's little he enjoys playing outside in summer and Ed usually can be persuaded into a watergun/waterballoon fight with him when he's a bit more toddler aged. When he's smaller he likes sitting in the inflatable swimming pool they own. He has so many pool toys.

Only downside is that he HATES the physical sensation of sunscreen, so whenever Stede wants to dress him in a cute summery outfit he either has to go through the ordeal of wrestling sunscreen onto him or through the equal ordeal of putting up the hugeass parasol whereever he is playing.

Ed once told him that if he swallows a watermelon seed a watermelon will grow in his belly. Izzy hated that thought, so he refuses to eat watermelon if there is a SINGLE seed visible. Ed has to pick them out painstakingly (his own fault).

He likes ocean-themed stuff and his fave animal are snakes, so when he finds out that sea snakes exist those become his favorite thing for a while. Watches sea snake videos on YouTube kids on repeat.

[meanmisscharles]

OKAY, BUT HAVE YA'LL EVEN CONSIDERED

How adorable a pregnant Ed would be? I don't care if you imagine an omega!Ed, or a transmasc!Ed, you can have so much fun with Blackbonnet that way!

Stede: "Good afternoon! I'm Stede and I'll be leading the raid on your ship today! Now, if you look over to your left here - no, further up - yes! There, under the parasol, is the dread pirate Blackbeard, who'll be supervising from our ship. What? No, he's not going to be joining us. Tetchy tummy this morning and had a devil of a time getting to sleep last night, if I'm honest. So, just surrender if you don't want your skull caved in by a - what? Oh, he's due in July, but my money's on late June. You know how it is with the first baby. Speaking of money, would you like to put a little something in this card we have? The survivors of the last two raids all chipped in and - what? Yes, you can sign it. Just put your x anywhere you can find room. Hm? Oh, You know a vessel that has ginger beer, in the area? Good, then I can spare you my wrath..."

Calico Jack: "You sure it ain't mine? skshsksk! I'm fucking kidding, man! Sheesh, can't take a fucking joke now? So anyways, maybe I got a gift for your crotch dropping, if you go in for that kind of thing now. Don't go making a fuss over it! It's just some fancy pants doll house, with teeny tiny, fucking furniture and itty bitty rugs and whatever fuck all else that goes into that kind of fancy fuck shit. If the kid doesn't like it, give it to your guy Steve, he'll eat that shit right up. So, you want to practice nursing it with me? Y'know, slip a lil' nip to ol' Jack, or - FUCK! That kick fucking hurt, man! I caught a cannonball on that side!"

Izzy: "All right, you useless, fucking lot - I'm leading the next raid, by order of your captain, Blackbeard! We're going to board this vessel that is carrying, *checks notes* palampores! That's a fancy bedspread to you dogs! We're not just snatching anything. We're looking for,"*checks another page of notes* SOOTHING FUCKING COLORS, PREFERABLY FLOWER PATTERNS, BUT ANIMALS WILL DO IF IT'S PEACOCKS OR ANOTHER BIRD! We're also after anything *flips through more notes* fine cotton, linen and muslin for nappies and small, tiny, clothes. All right, let's see some fucking gusto out of you! Anybody coming back emptyhanded, or passing by a quality, but out of season brocade or velvet, will find their ass answering to my fucking foot!"

"I don't even know what to say, you guys - I just feel like I'm glowing. Of course I always had great hair, but it's like, I know it has more body now. I can barely keep up with how fast my nails grow...you know what? You're right, Pete! I should wear them a bit longer! It doesn't make me any slower on the trigger, or handy with a knife. Oh, Jim - did we find a place for all your knives when you aren't using them? Yeah, safety first. I did like the idea of a bonfire party, after the big event. Hm? Oh, yeah, the fireworks will be nice, Wee John, but I mostly just want to burn every book on babies Stede has brought on the ship. I'm not doing ANY of that shit...."

[bizarrelittlemew]

Nanny for the WIP game!

HI ABS HI <333

this is the fic where Ed is a live-in nanny for Stede's kids full-time while Mary and Doug have to stay in another country for six months (post-divorce). the main ideas are "practically husbands before they can actually be together because of Ethics" and "both super horny but can't do anything about it (also because Ethics)"

here is Stede demonstrating the last point (wrote this after waking up in cold sweat with the words "SAVE WATER SHOWER TOGETHER" branded on the inside of my brain) (there's a heat wave/drought ok)

Only he couldn’t do any of that [lick Ed's sweat off his body or bury his face in Ed's armpit or rip his clothes off etc.], and that was perhaps what was driving him insane, having to constantly disguise how intoxicated he felt just by Ed’s presence next to him. Maybe that was also what made him come up with the least thought-through idea of his life and actually suggest it to Ed. It seemed that Stede’s dick had an impressive amount of power over his brain, these days. They were sitting on the patio in the shadow of a parasol, homemade lemonade with ice cubes leaving rings of condensation on the table, and Stede didn’t even care. Louis was napping and Alma was at a friend’s house for the afternoon, and Ed was wearing a fucking crop top. One that had the words “be crime do gay” printed on it around a picture of a raccoon, and that looked like Ed had cut the bottom inches of thin fabric off himself. If the intention had been to show off the trail of coarse hair running from his navel to below the waistband of his baseball shorts, it was achieved with great success. Stede really couldn’t be blamed for what he was about to say. “We could take a shower together.”

(i really want the "be crime do gay" raccoon shirt ok 😭)

[snake-snack-stede]

vampire!stede still wears bright colorful robes, they just have hoods now. his favorite food is blood orange marmalade. he brings a parasol everywhere. when he tries the nose juice he spits it out not because of the cursed knowledge, but because cartilage ruins the texture. it's a sensory thing.

[piraphysornis]

stedes stupid ass parasol

[izzy-b-hands]

Thinking abt Stede's lil parasol and him insisting upon using it to shield Ed during a sudden downpour somewhere

like. it will do little to help, the poor parasol would be ruined, but it would be so sweet

Stede fussing over how dare the rain do this, they were having a lovely day (as the parasol slowly starts to fall apart bc it's doing all it can but it has Limitations lol)

Meanwhile Ed is doing that lovely smile that makes his eyes do the cute crinkles in the corners (peak kissable locations fyi Stede bby) and just. Radiating happiness despite being soaked through, rain dripping off the edge of the parasol onto the wet hair that keeps falling in his face

Yeah. Them ❤️

[alicenthightower]

Our Flag Means Death S01E08

Making a turtle fight a crab? That's just mean!