#staticlog

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[Lio]

Heads up, I am no longer tagging my posts with “staticlog” “statictxt” or “staticimg” - I’m keeping stuff with those tags as they are (I’m too lazy to change ALL of them and I will leave them for navigation). From here on they will be “liolog” “liotxt” and “lioimg”.

TLDR is: I called myself “static” for a while in reference to the fact that I’m a Noise, which when damaged/hurt ‘bleed’ visual static. But it was kind of melancholy, or self-deprecating; imagine naming yourself “pain” or “bleeding” because it’s what you experience when you’re harmed. It’s an implication of an open wound, of a consistent pain, of suffering.

And yeah. Sometimes I’m suffering and sometimes identifying with the experience of suffering is cathartic and helps me get through it. Sometimes recognizing my outworld pain and visualizing it as inworld pain helps deal with it. But I’ve come to the conclusion that calling myself what basically equates to “Suffering” is maybe not the right mental health move.

So, instead - let’s go with Lio! A name I first identified with a few years ago (well, similar, I was thinking of Leo then) but ended up not using because the week I was going to put the name forward to my then friend group, one of the group reconnected with her sibling and reintroduced him, and he came out as a trans man with that name. So I shoved it aside.

But I don’t really spend time with them now, and I’m still attached to the name, and I find myself wanting to use a “real” name among system spaces. Not to mention, I absorbed a LOT of Promare’s Lio into myself (the median subsystem did some shuffling) and really like the name with that spelling now.

So, Lio, not Static anymore, from here on out.

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[Static]

Oh gotta be

Midnight City - M83

My Name Is Human - Highly Suspect

Dead End in Tokyo - Man With A Mission

Character - Lio Fotia (Promare) or Danny Phantom (....from Danny Phantom)

Shirt - Hoodie with skeleton wings on it

sometimes my gender is about genders & sometimes my gender is about vibes. u know

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[Static] You know, it’s amazing. I see things like “OSDD can never be cured but you can live happily with it!” and it pisses me off.

Cured? Cured?? I don’t want to be cured. WE don’t want to be cured. Our system’s existence is what saved us. Our system is what helps us stay healthy. Yes we’re “disordered” in the eyes of the medical world, but this is the way our brain works best.

I suppose this is why I tend not to get along with other medical-focused or disorder-focused systems even if they’re also DID/OSDD/DDNOS. No hate to them, of course, but there’s so much focus in a lot of those circles on how broken and hurt we are. I know! I know we’ve been changed permanently by what’s hurt us. But we are happy to survive and happy that our new state of being is so good for us.

This isn’t meant as a discourse post, I’m just venting about how frustrating it is to see people focused on the aspects of being plural that are considered broken or bad in psychiatric terms when we are living our life. Do we struggle sometimes? Of course. But we need not be cured. We aren’t broken. We’re just different from the norm.

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[Lio] Hi I want to stop having the Disorder part of OSDD and just have the Plurality part please please pleaseeee brain I am begging you to just leave us alone and let us vibe. Just let our system vibe please. Stop being disordered on top of that I’m begging you

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[Static] Hello! I’m just reblogging to say:

I am the original coiner of “alterhuman” and while I believe that the term belongs to the community which has grown to identify with it and that I am not the end-all be-all of how it should be used, it absolutely from the beginning included nondisordered plurals (if they want to be included in it of course, it’s optional!)

(Phasmovore is my personal otherkin blog, which I haven’t used in a while because learning more about my system has pushed me towards sharing spaces in the community with my systemmates rather than on my own.)

“Alterhuman” Includes Non-Disordered Plurals.

Syscourse TW.

I’ve been meaning to post this for a little bit, it’s been in my drafts for a while but I figured I’d post it now.

I keep seeing discord servers and blogs and whatnot advertised as “alterhuman friendly” or “alterhuman”, and yet… they’re DID/OSDD system exclusive and anti-endo. Alterhumanity includes non-disordered plurals (if they want to be included under the label, of course) and always has. You can’t take a term that’s meant to be inclusive to everyone and then take one part out of it. If you want to make an alterhuman friendly space, it should be inclusive of all alterhumans.

This isn’t a callout post, I’m not attacking anyone specific and I’m not asking anyone to go attack these spaces either. As someone who is in a non-disordered system, finding spaces labelled with a label that includes us and then finding out that we’re excluded is a terrible feeling.

Yes, DID/OSDD systems deserve their own separate spaces, but the alterhuman label is one that is meant to include everyone with a nonhuman identity, or an identity that is not “normally” human. That includes us.

Here is the coining post for the term “alterhuman” (as far as I’m aware anyway) if anyone is interested.

I don’t normally get salty on my blog, but being told that I don’t exist in a space I should be safe in is terrible and not something that should ever happen.

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[Static] As someone whose favorite Marvel film universe entity is Loki I want to watch the show but my fellow sysmate Loki, who is 5’0” exactly and very goth, is hissing at the thought of seeing “that stretched out ass weird creep version” of it in anything

[Loki] I might kinda be partially sorta him but I hate lookin at his fuckin face why is he so tall and stretchy. Why’s he talk like that. Ew man I can’t watch that shit it’s like lookin at a fun house mirror and pretending it’s high cinema. Also they keep givin him extra gender and I don’t GOT any of that shit

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[Static] Koha is annoyed at how hard it is to mod Stardew Valley, he just wants purple skin and cat ears dammit

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I made a flag, it’s a gay transmasc flag.

“Gay transmasc” in this case is defined as: any transmasculine individual who experiences same-gender or similar-gender attraction to masculine individuals in a way they feel is gay.

If you’re thinking “isn’t there already a gay transmasc flag?” the answer is probably yes. I don’t care how much use this one sees, if it’s only me who uses it that’s fine. But due to how I interact with color symbolism thanks to autism, I get very frustrated and upset with flags designed to be “masculine” or “male” focused that are overwhelmingly blue. Maybe I’m just a nonbinary guy and that’s why, but I get upset seeing things like the recent “gay” flag for gay men that’s just blue, blue, blue! No hate to blue - but why why why keep using a stereotypical color for men and masculine people? It’s upsetting to me for that reason.

But I don’t want to take away any joy anyone might feel from those flags - so I made my own. Here is the (Warmth) Gay Transmasc flag. Use it, or don’t! No pressure.

The colors represent:

-binary trans men (deep maroon)

-not-quite binary trans men/transmascs and intersex men as well as masc individuals who may or may not consider themselves/their identity as an intersex person to be trans (but who may identify with this concept, if desired) (red)

-nonbinary men and transmascs (orange), genderless transmascs (yellow), and finally, red once more for masc attraction and anyone trans who feels attached to masculinity or maleness but does not feel included in the above definitions. (This includes individuals who are only sometimes are men, or who are men as well as other genders simultaneously.)

Ultimately if you think it fits and you want to use it, go for it. And if not, don’t feel pressured. I made this for me. But you can use it too.

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[Static] wow. So fuckin cool that tumblr adds colors to the pride tags and go with a fucking blue gay one! Wow!! Blue for men! Again! Incredible! Ughhh

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[Static] Ugh never mind. I’m too tired to deal with assholes. Tldr I’m sick of the idea that ND people being abused by the school system somehow means they were good at school just because the program had a nice name

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=If anyone ever calls us “parts” I am going to for real in real actual life physically bite them as hard as I possibly can

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=NOTE: the original version of this post was written September 4th, 2018 on our personal DreamWidth; it has not been altered, I’m just putting it here so it’s in a more accessible location. Wording and concept - or writing style at the least - may be strange or outdated due to this, so keep that in mind.

Apocrypha. Noun.

- Biblical or related writings not forming part of the accepted canon of Scripture. (Google)

- From Medieval Latin adjective apocryphus, "secret, or non-canonical", from the Greek adjective ἀπόκρυφος (apokryphos), "obscure", from the verb ἀποκρύπτειν (apokryptein), "to hide away". (Wikipedia)

In pagan and witchcraft circles, there exists the concept of UPG. UPG - unverified personal gnosis - refers to the spiritual experiences of the individual which are valid and real to the one who experiences it but which is not to be taken as a generalization for how spiritual experiences will play out for others. One’s experiences with a specific god, for example, is UPG; to the person with this experience it is surely real and a basis of their interactions with their own spirituality. But to someone else, interacting with that same god will go entirely differently. UPG as a concept allows individuals with varying experiences to explain how their experiences differ without treading on both others and the mythology surrounding the gods with which they may commune.

From the lens of fictional identity, there is an existing “mythology” which is the basis for all else. This is canon, of course - canon is important for various reasons, first of which being that canon is the base level of media which is considered by its creators and its audience as the jumping off point, a common ground that is the same to everyone. Within fandom spaces, non-canonical concepts are labeled as alternate realities (AUs) or headcanon. And these are excellent concepts: the canon gives a hard, defined expression of a world and its inhabitants, and AUs and headcanon allow creative individuals to deviate both slightly and heavily from canon; while claiming one’s personal interpretation as canon can feel invalidating to others whose interpretations are different, designating something as an AU gives free reign; it is understood that a) there is some connection back to canon, b) that the alterations and explored concepts are of their creator’s whim, and not of the original writer’s, giving room for interpretation without stepping on others’ interpretations, and c) to label these interpretations as personal/deviating so that others are aware of the nature of said interpretations.

So, to sum it up:

Interpretations of mythology and spiritual experience unique to the one who experiences it - UPG.

Interpretations of fiction and characterization unique to the interpreter - AU and headcanon.

Interpretations of canon based on one’s personal spiritual/identity experience - ???

To some in their experience, “canon” is seen as wrong. To some, there is a fear of not being considered truly “canon” and to some it is difficult to interact with other interpretations of one’s canon source because it can certainly feel invalidating when the concepts of one’s identity are challenged by others’ interpretations.

There are varying theories as to why or how fictionally identified individuals come to be, and this in turn can create some division when discussing these identities. Someone who does not believe in reincarnation will be annoyed in the expectation to explain their feelings as “memories” or “past lives.” Others may be frustrated by the implications of multiple timelines - or the lack thereof. And those with more psychological inclination are ostracized by an expectation for spiritual experiences.

So let us consider the concept of Canon. Canon is the version of a work of fiction which is universal to any reader/watcher/audience. It is the keystone through which anyone can interpret or understand a fictional concept. It has legitimacy due to the fact that it is the basis upon which creator and consumer alike interpret the work. The concept of ‘canon’ derives from the biblical sense of the word, in which a specific group of texts is considered “legitimate”, and from these texts alone is the gospel of the religion formed and taught. But there exists, outside of canon, apocrypha - the “secret” and “obscured” texts which, while not accepted as legitimate by the overall community, has merit and can be considered real to some individuals who see them as such.

What those with fictional identities are experiencing can be best defined, perhaps, as apocrypha. This does not imply that what one feels which differs from canon is wrong; simply that it is external to the standard understanding and interpretation. The ‘apocrypha’ is the UPG or the AU so to speak; potentially deviating from the standardly accepted ‘canon’, unique to the individuals experiencing it, and non-generalizing so as to give a sense of legitimacy to all interpretations. To have an apocrypha is not to be false, not to be fake - but to have an understanding and experience that is unique to oneself.

Perhaps, in some canon, dragons are blue. To someone’s apocrypha, dragons have colors anywhere from very pale grey to silver to deep indigo; to someone else’s, dragons are not blue - only some of them are, but there are many more as well. The canon informs the basic understanding, and the apocrypha informs the individual understanding. Neither of these apocrypha are wrong, because they are not ‘canon’, even if the source is the same - and canon merely defines the standard interpretation.

Of course, no one is required to adhere to this naming scheme - but perhaps a word for this specific concept is helpful to understanding one’s identity.

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=I read a fic and it was kind of meh but it made me aware that I’m Extremely upset that I am not capable of sleeping in the molten core of the planet. Yes I cried about it. Ugh

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19 and 29 for the pride month system ask pls

=Ayy thank you for the ask! :D

19 - Favorite part of being you:

=We all have different experiences and we understand each other much more through them - our differences are wonderful and they make us who we are!

=My favorite part of myself is my creativity, I think. Through it I can express and explore things in beautiful and interesting ways.

~I.. enjoy my cleverness. It was hard to think of something, but I can say for certain I do appreciate that about myself.

•I’m a fun person to be around I think! And I’ve changed so much in my time here. I’m quite happy about that, seeing my ability to grow and change.

=No one else is awake rn but if they want to add on later they can.

29 - Share a LGBT+ joke:

=I don’t know if this is a joke so much as a funny anecdote but I’m part of a private FB group for trans dudes. Part of the name includes “for FTM trans men and nonbinary men ONLY” and I scrolled past it once and legitimately thought for a moment “huh? That’s a weird name, what kind of other men ARE there?” For a moment, I forgot cis people existed….

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=DISCLAIMER this is a vent and I’m not genuinely angry at anyone I’m just slightly disgruntled

I’m begging. I’m fucking begging dude. All of the mogai flag makers out there I am on my goddamn KNEES begging you, STOP making fucking masc aligned flags blue. I cannot STAND it. Maybe my ass is just far too autistic to handle identifying with any terms that doesn’t have an appealing flag (I have a lot of hangups based on visuals and I’m 99% sure that’s why) but every time I see some cool new term that fits me really well I’m like “oh sweet I want to use this” and then the flag is some fucking ugly stereotypical blue garbage. Why the HELL is it that people can come up with 10,000 cool new concepts of gender but the moment they incorporate masculinity or maleness in any way the flag is guaranteed 99% of the time to be some ugly blue mess. If I wanted my gender to be Blue Is For Boy I would identify as a fucking binary man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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=on one hand I understand that “role” is just a term for how headmates interact with one another in the team

On the other hand, the disgust that I feel at the implication that one should “know their role” or “accept their role” makes me hate using the term role to describe myself or others