#starting with family seems like the way to go

[kyri45]

A final letter

Hello Everyone!

The queue is paused and everything is scheduled, which means we are ready for the finale!

I know that, in the end, this was just a silly side project for me, with everything else going on in my life. But for this occasion, I wanted to drop some words here and hope they make sense.

I started watching LMK only because a friend told me there was a "Sonadow-coded" ship. I ended up consuming the entire thing in one sitting on July 10th, 2024. At the time, I was still recovering from a bike accident that had left me with a broken right forearm—unable to draw for a little over a month. (I did try drawing with my left finger, but it wasn't exactly fun.)

Not only that, but it was summer, and I couldn’t enjoy the season or practice my main sport, windsurfing. To say I was feeling the blues is an understatement. I remember being in physical pain just from not being able to draw my sillies. But then, watching LMK did something to my brain chemistry that my little undiagnosed autistic self had never experienced before. It hit so hard that I’ve been physically unable to rewatch the show SINCE that very first day. (And y’all still call me the CEO of this fandom. Bro, I just work here.)

A lot of you have asked what inspired me to start this comic or to draw LMK fan art in the first place. While my usual answer is, "I saw Shadowpeach and thought MK could be their lovechild, given his appearance," the moment that actually started it all was THIS ONE—

(I HAD TO REWATCH THIS SCENE TO MAKE THE GIF AND IT HURT ME ON A MOLECOLAR LEVEL)

I have… a thing for characters who discover their entire identity was something else all along. It consumes my thoughts, my dreams, my every waking moment. I live for identity crises, for characters who thought they knew who they were, only to be forced to rediscover themselves, their existence, and their place in the world. If you give me a story where a character has to go through that, I will like it—regardless of how bad the rest of the story is.

Pair that with loads of trauma, daddy issues, the pressure of a legacy, and world-ending stakes, and congrats! Now I’m obsessed, and I will not stop thinking about it for the rest of my days!

At first, my brain just wanted to release some of that energy with a small, four-panel post about the monkeys discovering that MK was technically their kid.

That was supposed to be it.

But since I never seem to learn my lesson, it didn’t stay like that. Because once I started drawing, I just... continued.

And

I

never

stopped.

A lot of you have also asked how I found the motivation to draw so much, to never take a break. Well, I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it one last time: I am my number one fan. No matter how much you laughed, cried, screamed, or went feral over this story, I did all of that and more. Because I got to think about the chapters months before they released. I got to daydream about them. I got to watch them come to life—first through sketches, then line art, then dialogue. And finally, I got to witness your reactions and see the incredible creations you made, inspired by my story.

So yeah, in a way, it was almost an addiction. A good addiction. Because, for the first time in my life, I actually understood what loving art means.

I’ve been drawing for ten years, working professionally for five, but I never loved art before. I just liked it because I happened to be good at it. But creating this comic made me understand why artists say, "Oh, I’ve loved drawing since I was a child!" This was the first time I allowed myself to create purely for my own enjoyment. Something I hadn’t had the privilege to do for a long time.

Other than making me feel even more single than I already was, this story somehow also helped me a little with my own family relationships. So yeah. Crazy how the gay monkeys changed my life.

Of course, I never could have predicted how much traction my AU would gain. Man, y’all were really starving to latch onto something this silly. /j

But yeah—thank you. Thank you for sticking around until the end, for having the patience and trust to follow the story even when I made you rage with angst and cliffhangers. (The statement in my bio still stands: I am not responsible for any physical or emotional damage my art has caused.)

I’m absolutely shit at thanking people, or at writing, or at talking in general, honestly. I’m the furthest thing from being good with words, so I hope the final chapter will be enough to show you my gratitude.

Through this story, I met so many wonderful, talented people. I watched as fans across different platforms found each other through memes and fanart of the AU. I saw artists start their own AUs inspired by mine, growing their own communities. I witnessed an explosion of creativity and collaboration through our takeovers. And I laughed along with you all.

And yeah—at its core, this story has always been about love. Whether it’s platonic, sibling, parental, romantic, or whatever the hell Mac and Wukong had going on for millennia.

At its heart, it’s a story about family.

And maybe, in the end… the real family wasn’t just the one in the comic, but the one we’ve found together along the way. 💛

See you all at the finale.

Love you all, freaks /affectionate

Jade

[hedgehog-moss]

My chickens have not been lucky this winter—the youngest one, Louise Michel, despite her revolutionary name, was eaten by a fox earlier this year. At least this new year was off to an auspicious start for this fox and her family. It made me think about Fantastic Mr Fox and how this book indoctrinates small children into directing their empathy towards the beleaguered fox family, while the hen characters are complete non-people—they are even called stupid at one point, even though they are just sitting in their coop, doing their chicken job!

Anyway. Dru survived the fox attack unscathed and non-traumatised, which made me respect her even more than I already did. Drusilla is quite old by now, and she has survived everything—the fox attack that killed her first coopmate, Cordélia; several air strikes by birds of prey; Pandolf trying to scare her to serve his own dog interests... Even though she has long stopped laying eggs, she is a precious asset to my chicken coop: I am going to get new baby hens in the spring and I need Dru to teach them her strategies to win the Darwinian struggle for existence. As an elderly hen, her job is no longer to provide eggs, but wisdom.

And then I heard Dru cry out one afternoon, as if she had been attacked by something.

I felt confused as I ran out to rescue her—I'd seen her just five minutes before when I went out to distribute hay, she was near the pasture gate hanging out with the llamas, donkey, and dog. There's no way a fox would attack a chicken surrounded by such a security detail. I quickly found her, sitting just outside the pasture, in her normal brooding position, she didn't seem hurt—but Pandolf ran towards her as well, and she didn't move out of his way. That was very unusual. Pandolf runs at things and people like a fluffy corrida bull, happy to knock you over with the force of his love (there's a reason the French equivalent of "like a bull in a china shop" is "like a dog in a bowling game"), and Dru always makes sure to jump out of his way, boosting herself with her wings if necessary.

I wondered if she had a broken wing, but when I started examining her she made a very eloquent "urghh go away" gesture at me with both of her wings, so she could move them. Her legs didn't seem injured either, but she refused to get up. I ended up carrying her back to her coop so she could sit in peace and process her feelings, but she wasn't feeling better the next morning. She clucked at me amicably when I visited her but she didn't go outside all day, so I had to leave food and water outside her room like a bemused parent trying to accommodate an angsty teenager.

Since I hadn't been able to detect any injuries and she was eating normally, I thought she might be depressed. Maybe it had taken her some time to understand that she had lost her friend and was all alone in her coop, and then the realisation had hit her, and her normal chicken activities suddenly felt meaningless. That didn't really explain the sharp cry I'd heard the day before, though.

(I hadn't noticed until I took a closer look at the above photo that there is a dirty stain on the wall of the laying box! Embarrassing. But to my defence, chickens are not very clean creatures and keeping their coop clean is a Sisyphean task. I guess I always focus on cleaning the parts where the hens sit and walk, and hadn't leaned over to look at the inside wall. I've now cleaned it up with a brush—but I almost regret doing so, because a friend gave the stain a beautiful and mystical interpretation:

I waited a couple of days to see if Dru's agoraphobia got better, but on Day 3 of her refusing to leave her coop, I decided to take her to the vet.

The farmer who was sitting next to Dru and me in the waiting room seemed very puzzled about my decision to bring a chicken past her prime and no longer laying eggs to the vet for a diagnosis. At first he assumed that I hoped to have her diagnosed as Safe To Eat.

I told him about how this hen is very good at surviving, and I want her to pass on her knowledge to future generations.

Dru looked cranky at the vet, maybe because there was a poster on the wall that said "What's for dinner tonight?" and she took it personally.

Fun chicken fact: the rounder a hen is, the angrier. She may look like an adorable cream puff, but she is a ball of rage:

The vet noticed that her leg was a bit swollen, and said it could be an infection, or maybe some heavy animal had stepped on her foot. He gave me antibiotics and anti-inflammatories and then I had fun trying to make my cranky chicken take her meds every day. Do you think getting a cat to take a pill is difficult? Try it with an animal who evolved from raptors.

Here are screenshots from a video (which my wifi refused to load)—Dru wasn't having a good time, but trust me, neither was I. It was a daily struggle. On the other hand, I discovered that she loves cherry tomatoes! I had a cherry tomato plant in my greenhouse that was only here to keep the aquaponic system going in the winter, I wasn't eating the fruit as they were bitter February tomatoes, and for some reason it didn't occur to me to offer them to my chicken until I was walking around the greenhouse looking for some insect to reward her for taking her medicine. The daily tomato treat delighted her a lot more than some boring insect :)

Well, we are reaching the end of this adventure—Dru will get new coopmates soon (and hopefully start teaching them her secrets immediately) and the vet visit was very worth it 😊 She still has trouble going down the ladder of her coop so I go get her every morning and carry her near my house, but she is walking and, more importantly, scratching around for food again! Here's a little video:

Oh, no, wait, we aren't done—I must ask everyone to take part in the Trial of Pirlouit.

The vet did say it looked as if some heavy animal had stepped on Dru's foot... Considering the llamas are very delicate walkers, and Pandolf is a reckless brute but isn't heavy enough to break a chicken's leg, this makes Pirlouit the main suspect.

[ranoutofficssoiwritemyown]

Hello, I hope you're fine!! If you are open for requests, how do you think the lads men would react to mc telling them her period is late?

Hii, so sorry for the delay. Uni and work have been crazy and I finally managed to sit down to write

Soo let's start with Zayne. He tracks your period so he knows it's late, hence he doesn't even seem fazed when you burst into his office panicking.

"Yes, 8 days to be exact. You've been under stress these two weeks and don't even eat meals properly. Although, I suggest taking a test and in case of pregnancy I'll schedule and appointment with the gynecologist in our hospital"

You can't help but look at him shocked by his calm demeanour.

"Of course, I would tell all of these 2 days ago if only you didn't ditch our appointment. Now, if you excuse me I have a patient waiting for me in surgery room"

He rose from his chair heading to the door but stopped in front of you.

"I hope you know, in case of pregnancy you don't have anything to worry about"

You just nod your head still dumbfounded and he left the room with a kiss on your forehead.

I imagine Sylus also tracking your period and he wants you to be pregnant so bad. He is the one to tell you that you're pregnant, actually. One night, when you're in the kitchen deciding on late night snack he stands beside you with his arms crossed.

"Your period is late"

He brushes off your question about him tracking your period, instead repeating his statement. You make a mental calculations and just shrug.

"Only by 3 days. It's no big deal"

He clears his throat.

"It might become a big deal. You should take a test just in case"

"It happens sometimes. Like I said, no big deal"

"Take a test, just to be sure"

"First of all it's too early. Second of all, we use protection-"

"We know it doesn't protect 100% of times"

"Oh, stop worrying, will you? I'm not pregnant"

You finally decide on strawberry yogurt.

"I think you are mistaken, sweetie. I do not fret over the possibility of you being pregnant. Quite the opposite, if we are being honest..." he mumbles the last part under his breath but you squint at him.

"Sylus"

"Yes, sweetie?"

"Do you want me to be pregnant or something?"

A small smirk pulls on his mouth

"I am definitely not opposed to the idea"

You shake your head standing on your toes to peck his cheek but he turns his head to kiss you. Even after dating him for so long this small gesture leaves you blushing mess.

"I'll be in our room" you tell him and he nods still with the lovestruck look on his face. Once you leave the room he pinches his nose mumbling about canceling the order of baby-proof items.

Poor Rafayel doesn't know what hit him. Sure he has imagined having a family with you but didn't expect it to be so soon. What do you mean there might be a baby? He's the baby. There's going to be another person you'll love as much as you love him? He has to share now? This can't get worse. And as you look at him nervously he realises you're waiting for his answer.

"Late... okay, cool cool cool...  how late?"

"7 days"

He scoffs as if it's nothing.

"7 days is nothing, right? It's- uh did you take the test?"

"Yes-"

"It's negative, right?"

His hopeful tone makes you scrunch your eyebrows.

"It is" you say hesitantly "but it's still too early to be sure. I'll take another one tomorrow"

"Yeah, of course. Okay"  He seems to calm down

"Umm Rafayel... do you not want me to be-" you clear your throat "what if I'm pregnant?"

It just hit him that he's making this worse for you.

"Oh, cutie. It's not that. I want to have children with you... someday" he avoids your eyes "it's just... yourattentionwouldbeonthemallthetime"

You just give him a look that hints you have no idea what he just said. He sighs, giving up.

"Your attention would be on them and you'll cast me aside and I'm not ready for that" He admits blushing.

"Okay well, if I turn out to be pregnant..." you trail off not knowing, or not wanting, to finish your sentence.

"I'll be there, all the way. That's my kid too, ya know"

You crack a small smile

"You're weird"

"Well, you're not perfect either" he scoffs "nevermind, you are perfect"

You just laugh at him.

Xavier is so confused

"It's late. That's amaaaziiing....lyy bad..?" He tries to construct a sentence based on your expression but fails miserably "can you tell me what that means?"

"Well I don't know. It might be nothing serious but there's a chance I might be pregnant but we always use protection so I don't know how..." You sit with your head in your hands "I'm scared"

Xavier falling silent doesn't help your panic at all.

"Please say something"

"I'm going to be a father?"

You let out a confused laugh.

"I don't know. Probably not, but you might. I have an appointment with doctor Zayne tomorrow so maybe we'll know"

"I'm going to be a father"

You start to think you broke him

"Xavier... we don't know yet"

"Yeah, of course. But I would like to have a child with you"

He closes the distance, placing his hands on your hips

"Do you not want to..."

"I wasn't planning on it yet, but I'm not against it"

He smiles gently.

"Don't get your hopes up yet, though"

"Of course"

But as you leave the room you hear him saying "I'm gonna be a dad" to himself.

One evening, Caleb comes home and lets out a sigh when he enters kitchen.

"Okay, why is the breakfast I made for you still untouched in the refrigerator? We agreed you'd eat meals properly y'know?.. Pipsquak?" He calls out in the end when he receives no answer from you. He finds you in your bedroom sitting on the bed with your knees to your chest.

"What's wrong?" He's alert.

"My period is late"

"Oh my god" He starts laughing sitting beside you and pulling you into a hug. "No wayy, did you take a test? Are we gonna have little you and me running around? I'm definitely teaching them how to shoot a gun"

"Shut up for a minute" you grumble in his chest "I didn't take a test. It's only 5 days, I don't think test would show it if I was pregnant"

"I'll buy them anyway. Bunch of them, so you can take one everyday till it shows positive"

His ridiculous statement pulls a giggle out of you.

"Glad to know you're okay with it"

"Try ecstatic"

You look up at him and spot a mischievous grin on his face.

"You know... you'd be a milf"

That earns a smack on his chest

"Idiot"

"This idiot is going to be a father of your children, so be nice"

"I might not be even pregnant"

"I can take care of that"

He laughs at another smack he receives.

[mixispicklix]

I left home the day I graduated high school. It was just my three sisters, me and my mother. Dad took off when I was five. I was the only boy and had three younger sisters. My sisters and I were really close, and my mother doted over the girls. Me, however, she treated like crap. I couldn't seem to do anything right. She was constantly criticizing me. Her favorite saying was, "You're a worthless guy just like your father." I don't know why my father left, but if this was how she treated him, I don't fault him one bit. I didn't tell anyone, but I joined the army. I signed up the week before I turned 18. Two weeks after I graduated high school and the day I turned 18, I left for boot camp. I didn't tell anyone what I was doing or where I was going. I woke up before anyone else and left the house without saying a word to anyone. After five years of deployment, I was a Sargent. One day, I was summoned to the captain's office. When I got there, the company chaplain was sitting in the office with the captain. After getting all the formalities out of the way, I asked what's going on, Cap? The chaplain said it's your mom, Sergent. The captain says look Mix I know you weren't close with your mom, but I put you in for 4 weeks of emergency family leave. When was the last time you talked to your sisters? Usually just cards on holidays and birthdays, but they never mentioned that mom was sick. The chaplain will fill you in on everything we know. Your flight back to the States leaves in four hours. It seems my mother had a heart attack and just died with no warnings. Since I was deployed and out of contact with the base, I missed the funeral. I didn't have a phone number for my sisters. I sent them an email letting them know I was on my way home. I didn't get a reply, so I didn't know what would happen when I got there. I sent another email after I landed and said I've landed and I should be at the house in about three hours. After a few minutes, I got a reply. It said the front door would be unlocked, and we'll be waiting. When I finally arrived I knocked and waited but no one answered. I tried the door, and sure enough, it was unlocked. I called for my sisters, but no one answered. When I got to the back room by the back deck, I saw all three of them sitting on a couch wearing bikinis and making out with each other. I apologized and started to leave when one of my sisters looked up at me and said. Don't leave yet. Mix, we've been waiting for you. With that, they all got up and surrounded me and said, "Welcome home, brother. We really missed you."

[hkthatgffan]

So, I was thinking. In Dipper and Mabel and the Curse of the Time Pirates' Treasure! (super underrated book btw), there's an option where as a way to deal with a dragon the twins and Blendin encounter, Mabel suggests they talk to him. The option then sees Mabel talking to the dragon and letting him vent out all his frustrations and such to her, asking how he feels and giving him advice on how to work through it and grow...almost like a therapist.

The more I look back on this as the years have passed, the more I've found this rather wholesome of a thing to have in the book. Not just cause it shows Mabel trying to help out someone per her kind nature, rather than the other option in the book for the dragon (being medieval battle, lol), but also due to the fact it can also be seen as a small reference to the fact that Mabel's inspiration, Ariel Hirsch (Alex Hirsch's twin sister), is in real life, a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.

And in the story, some of what we hear the dragon talking to Mabel about are things like his family and life issues. It gives one an interesting thing to look into regarding Mabel and how maybe, becoming a therapist is a path she may go down, just like her IRL inspiration (kinda like how Dipper in the show mentioned he wants to make his own TV show, like Alex did). And while yeah, Time Pirates is not a canon book, it is still wholesome to consider. And now, we have kinda seen hints of that in stuff that is, like recently in The Book of Bill when Mabel mentions how she has Waddles sorta play her own therapist with who she talks out her problems with.

In the midst of all else we learn in the book, it's a bit of a small and forgotten detail but one when looked at this way, is rather telling IMO. Add on the hints at their parents marriage issues and similarities that shows with Alex and Ariel Hirsch's life we have heard from them about, and I honestly feel pretty strongly about the fact Mabel may grow up to be therapist, perhaps like Ariel, in the family and marriage field.

It's kinda interesting. For years, so many of us when headcanoning Mabel's future ambitions, look at stuff like her being an artist or maybe something similar, given it sorta seems about what you'd think she'd pursue (and I mean, the amount of headcanons and Gravity Falls AUs out there where Mabel is an artist when she's grown up, really show how prevalent the belief is). And while yeah, like all headcanons, it's just that and as valid to be true or not as any of those other ones are, I think all things considered, it's a rather wholesome and pretty Mabel outcome for her to pursue.

She's always got the best intentions at heart no matter what and wants people to be happy and comfortable with who they are. And as she gets older, she more than likely would be the type of person who'd wanna pursue that as a life ambition and career and see being a therapist as one way to achieve that. Maybe I'm thinking too much into it, but I can't lie, therapist Mabel sounds pretty interesting. It's not the usual Mabel headcanon that fans come up with...but maybe it's the start of something.

[tarotbyjam24]

What can elevate your beauty?

Likes , reblogs and feedbacks are very much appreciated 💗

Disclaimer: this is general reading . It may or may not resonate . If reading doesn't resonate let it fly and choose another pile or simply there were no messages for you through this reading 😊 Take the reading lightly as nothing's set in stone until you believe so 🕊️

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Pile 1. pile 2 .

Pile 1

Hi pile 1 , I feel you can increase your beauty be spending your money means get those treatment you've been putting off . Go enjoy yourself. Be yourself. Be unhinged. Be confident . Embody that rich single aunt vibe . Take care of your hairs . Dress as you want don't put limitations on it . Use plants\herbs for your self care . Like rosemary for hairs , Aloe for skin , use coffee and honey and other home made skincare . Learn that hairstyle and do that on your hairs . Put flowers in your hairs. Take those compliments don't shove them off. I'll say just show yourself more bring your talents out and take that crown . Sit in correct posture. Show your smile to people around you. If you've that funny mischievous side to you show it don't hide it but yea please don't harm people with it okay ? Be a child . Be strict with your discipline. Use your thinking to bring justice to whoever needs it . Be a person from whom people will like inspire . Let your imagination run . Be more introspective. Be a mirror to people and show them who they're but kindly :) fill their cups . You can show your support to them . Meditate more. Don't absorb just observe. Lastly dress well pile 1 the world is your ramp walk . Step on red carpet and show them your beauty.

Pile 2

Hi pile 2, work out more physically. Get Outta your comfort zone. Break those self made walls . Don't forget to walk Outta room that doesn't serve and where you're not welcomed well . Be more giving . Show love to your little ones. Spend time with your family . If you've not been showing your love ,care to your surrounded people due to slef imposed limitations please start doing so . Show them all the love ,care ,kindness you've in yourself. Share it them even if it small act do it for them <33 . You don't always have to act like a armour. Take more care of your eyes . Your eyes are so beautiful. If you tend to use contact colour lenses ..please restrain from using them often. Use gua-sha and ice water bath for face . Bathe in sunlight. Spend your money on yourself. Don't always keep saving thinking it'll increase if you wanna increase it invest it somewhere. Let your money grow . Don't just keep it as unavailable money. Start your business if it's related to nature ,great! Expand your ways of income. Don't dye your hair often . Lay in grass freely without worry just gaze in sky and appreciate it. Drink more water . Also sometimes when you feel exhausted all you have to do is just rest and let it be . You don't have to worry about lil details. Go with the flow when such situations come where you don't seem to find solutions to the problems. Be more positive. Also accept the love ,kindness , gifts, compliments people give you .

I hope you liked the reading . Thank you so much for letting me read for you . Wishing you best ahead . 🎀Bless you and have a nice day🌸🐰 I'd love to hear which pile you chose

Loads of love , jam\gem🩷

[boyakishantrinity]

This do be a long one.

It wasn't really surprising, in a world where reality and thoughts merged as one, the secret of the demons unbound and the demonic forces. The locals who'd accepted us, forgiven us even after years of war.

That I somehow ended up with a unique skill to hear the whisper of the gods.

At first, it was great, Nervaldi of the eastern seas, would grumble and curse lands for months on end while she waited for the other gods to run checks on whether that affected them in any way.

People would leave, prepare, they'd see the signs of a magical flood maybe a month or two in advance. The waves of energy pulling and pushing harder than any previous record.

But as I grew older, it became clearer. Less of a fog of sounds, my internal mind listening for any signs of hardship or spiteful and random bursts of anger.

They were all human, as reliant on us as we were on them.

But there was always a sort of clear enough difference between them, the innermost earth gods, they'd rarely ever interacted with the far off water ones. Most of their servants and followers would talk for them, safe haven ports spoke to messenger gods or trade caravans would arrive from both sides bearing news.

Even with the train, the vehicles and air machines, the government didn't bother with paperwork beyond noting what occurred and when. In a week, messages could be sent preparing an army across the nation with forces already hunkered down and ready for reinforcements by the months end.

I'd heard of a once in a century hurricane buffeting the western end of the continent, a quarter of the countries marching to help and by now. Well, most of the people were already back.

It was a yearly thing, the gods would come to their sacred lands, their silence for a single month as they discussed the matters of the world.

But gods had started to go missing, the people still had them, but the divine aspect. Their whispers started to vanish. I'd talked to a few friends across continents over the years.

Still alive, living, but their powers seemed to wane and wax. Some would randomly gain massive bouts of power around the same time I'd heard less. Others just. Lost theirs, connection seemingly torn apart and shredded.

I stood at the northern border, the farmost reaches of humanity lived here, the dwarves were a little ways south of where I camped. And here, where the demon continent sat further ahead. The oldest route to their lands, I could hear more clearly than before.

Mumbles, worried tones as who remained continued to chatter about me. I didn't know why, but they'd asked that I come here. To hear them, a mighty discussion, pieces about a corruption of some sort. Other worlds existed beyond our borders, we'd called upon heroes to aid us in the mystic past.

Visions would sometimes flicker into the edges of my sight, possible futures, actions. Most people learn to mostly ignore them.

But I could hear it more clearly, hundreds of disparate voices. Sitting by the hall, the Norse folk growing still as the seer stood up.

“... Run away! Flee!! We must leave!”

Panicked. The man looked at them all, shaking at what he heard. That. Was surprising. The gods knew I could hear their whispers, but if proved my worth to enough for them not to take offence.

And like any group of powerful, they always bickered, chartered and talked. So much that most of their voices were lost. But…

“What the…”

The travelling adventure suddenly slumped. His body crashed against the entrance, the seer was steelier. But he let out a shriek. A strange family, the seer’s. An old family, totally mad but vital to their strength.

“D-d-demon king. Coming.”

His son stumbled, dropped to one knee, stricken with the same vision. The whole family, mother gasping in surprise, the young girl blinked, as she looked to the sky.

“Not friendly. Not friendly bull people.”

Mumbling. Shivering. The young boy, his sister. The pair always near the hearth, tending it, among the most mortal gods. The girl stumbled. Story teller, a face to the tall tales a sibling would tell.

Flames burst from the sky above. The air went still, growing thinner as their voices grew into a cacophony of shout of both worry and surprise.

Too much. It was too much, they'd called my here so I could hear their discussion, but the words. Too late, not enough time. Something about a deal???

Line.

Laughter came from the ice covered ocean, far off the distance. The further tribe had been preparing for war, my mind had figured it out by now. But too cold, never could figure it out when I was distracted.

A rolling bank of black tar, dark light erupting beyond the skyline, mortiem. The collective mass of emotional energies, they all drifted to the other side of the continent, an acidic like magical power. Ours were alkaline, when magic met their anti magic, they'd either cancel out, or power together depending on the resonant frequencies.

The north was particularly dangerous, ice constantly formed, lightning storms gave way for wyverns and the locals were practically known for having the highest quantity of high quality mana attributes.

From his position. The sky was ablaze with elements, ice and lightning, highly controlled electrical currents forming as demon magic based energies and pure magical power clashed against one another. Electrolysis, people were waging a war against… a single person judging off the sounds of clashing, a chorus of roars echoing across the frozen lake.

“HURRY!!”

Panicked, jumping up and down, snow harpy family squealing as the two minor gods of the northern hemisphere rushed towards the river. The village was ablaze in a panick by now, if the seer hadn't shocked them out of their party fever, the sounds of were certainly would.

“Just stuff it in-”

BWAAAAAAAAAA.

Still far off in the distance, villagers heads turning. We'd been at peace since my grandfather's generation, any wars that'd erupted were more military exercises as a sign of strength of both sides by now. Any real wars, well, they were small and practically fought by two very specific sides.

Our world lived through six world wars, the memory was long lived. But it still lived as a cornerstone of our society. And now, well.

Felvian Pergus, extract from A Universal Record of the Northern Alliance.

They crashed against our walls, like a mighty wave of acid striking against the feeble defences Head Scribe Felvian Pergus arranged…

… And a mighty boom, a thundering roar of warriors dropped from the waters. The mighty fort better suited as a diplomatic neutral ground. Stone pillars pulled from the earth through cooperation with our civilized far northern allies and the skills of our craftsmen.

None of that mattered in war, as the might of the stars meant nothing against this so called. Demon King.

Line

There wasn't much of a choice, Lavri helped his father drop the skateboard onto the frozen river. By now, in this weather, the river was completely frozen. They'd migrate tomorrow, but the chaos that'd erupted might as well have been a sign from the gods. Not taking into effect… well, Eli. The strange boy was known across the lands for hearing the gods whisper.

Despite his obvious mental pains, he still helped more ships onto the ice. Bags tossed into the ship's entrance. Skates along the bottom allowing them to slide. Ibernia (Think reindeers, but bison) nervous. But they understood enough. They'd lived through the sixth war, this was an invasion of some sort. The Esca’na tu would sail for the south. To spread the word and call the warrior tribes to war.

Black Forest.

We'd known they'd been coming for weeks now, Tu’sbe mon Pelasid lived by the coast. The ice trackers always lived further away, hardier than any Escargo but the strongest were still further south. Any traders would stop there, tourists and pilgrims would approach in reasonable periods. Not since the fourth war, did we prepare for war.

Sure, we'd battled in the snow, preparing for a war. But we lived in the far north, short of the gods dropping from the sky. Or. Well, an invasion.

“MACHI!!”

Ducking a bolt of lightning, ice spike erupting as she glared at the girl.

“PAY ATTENTION-”

Flames erupted from, well. The front. The line was pulling back, from across the lake. The Escargo seemed to be moving out, gritting my teeth with my sword. As I charged in.

Flames and lightning, the Tu'sbe were buffeting the numderskan to their left. A rushing wall of warriors, with Hybernions lumbering forward. A few weeks ago, they’d been forced into service. Bound by chains and magical slaving sigils, the peaceful survivors had ran towards the mountains over east of the kinder lands of Iber.

But some stayed. Stayed and died. Howling. Entering Maji, ice spikes erupting across her body, she'd have to pull them out later. But it didn't matter.

“YOU KILLED TUK- T’K”

Howling. Namē girl summoned the Iber spear. Both birthright and sign of leadership, a minor weapons of the gods. Stolen/fought in a drunken rave by the Drunkard Prince.

The winds of Iber responding to her command. Crackling, the power of Tu'sbe and Namē clans at her hands. Men fell back as the new Demon King looked at the warrior.

Twenty of their warriors were battling the man, twelve on the ground and the rest in the sky. But the Iber spear was a kingdom's worth in an untrained hand. In a trained hand, it made you a god.

“UTA MADRE!”

A howl erupted from the west, lightning had burst across the field. Hunters now charging backwards, retreating as the first Hybernions threw their strikes. Slow and careful to traffic their strikes.

Several fell to their knees in pain at doing this. But they were the Namē, frenemy of the Hybernions, mighty elders roaring. Unable to strike their masters but still fighting against them.

“ENTU!”

Spear Lunging into the demon king. It didn't pierce, the shield was far too strong. But here's he'd absorbed the distortion, grown stronger as they slowed them as much as they could.

“GRETA, MADRÉ! MADRÉ!”

Shouting through her rage, beating him back. The line was already retreating. Glancing behind her as the Demon King slammed against the trees.

Matu roared, howling in grief as they howled into the western line. Unlike the kindly Ents, only brought forth through softer discussion. The empty wastes made Matu, mighty tree people who's winds and light began deadly weapons against the more traditional troops.

Young and feisty, warriors of the fourth war, still working on their strength. Bashing a line into the army. They'd been bred for war, they'd failed to die, so they'd been placed under hybernation. Too dangerous to be kept alive.

The Matu tribes were further south, calling their brothers to retreat, to prepare the fortresses of the north.

“Perterabo!”

Howling her declaration. Mashfe paid as she, yanked out an ice crystal out of her arm. Hardened from her raw power, she'd collapse from the strain later. Her people had kept most their strength, the Demon King was injured now. Her beprto still stood nearby. Watching his yandro as she threw it at the dead Tuk-T’k.

“MADRÉ!”

Line

The Iber were in full retreat now, ice sliding Esca’na Tu watching as the campsite was flooded with the retreating Oster. Trappers, the inland Oster was different from Ostra by being inland trappers. Catching animals and largely being the healers of the Iber.

But every healer knows the body like kneading Wari into Weri. Spikes struck into trees, strings and hundreds of cables of rope being lended and strung as their reva came out of the bendy forests.

Trap holes were filled with sharp spikes or cracked ice crystals. Volatile tree sap, with the mighty Wyvern beasts. Epdra only evolving from the third war here, concentrated pieces of the sap found in the tribe's homeland far in the west.

“That's not a good sign.”

He'd gotten over it now. Serious, a rare side of the seer. Libre, snow harpy, sat by her children. The girl was a libre, feathers covered her body, snow flowers wrapped around her arm as the half human Rev'si looked with his father.

A generic subsect of human, stabilised by the fifth civil war, Iber was better known as the Badlands because. Well, if you weren't staying near the Iber it was a bad idea to bother visiting.

“You think? Chivi Suko hun panic attack Pa Baqi Maji back.”

Cursing under his breath, he'd only act like this. Well, in terrible situations. Falling into a Läze, mud and snow mixed fluid solid space. Dropping from the Bara trees tops. A warrior enslaved into the fifth war, his old man was many things. Afraid wasn't normally one of them.

“... You think we ok?”

Tovba. Speaking in the southern language, looking at his father. Eyes sharp and clear, dolphin bear and human. With increased muscles and a pelt, the rival species rarely mated. But Escargo were for the strange ones.

“Mrmph.”

Grunting. His eyes turning to the front of the ship. Looking over the side as the men swiped at the ice.

They were speeding down the river by now, a near straight path through the forest. Slicked ice canal aiding their speedy movement. The Ibernia snorted as they ploughed through the snow. This troop were both friend and guardian to the Escargo, elders leading the young ones ahead, a handful weaving along the river. We'd be following our old walk ways, normally.

Normally. We'd spend the last day preparing the land for summer. But we'd rushed it. Sure, we could travel in a day, but the warps and the bends of the forest had changed. The demon king broke the old laws, ripping and tearing through them. Devouring the iberous as he seemed insistent on waging war against the gods.

The Iber was far further south than we'd like. Hardly cold enough to make Tiber, but no matter. Cold kegs loaded with the rest of the children as we sped towards the south.

End lol

You’ve always been able to hear the whispers of gods. They’re all always saying different things, so it’s difficult to pick out what any of them are saying at any given time... But one day, you hear all the voices converge into one. "RUN AWAY! FLEE! PLEASE!"

[who-knew-a-sheep-can-write]

Leon Kennedy General Dating Headcanons

🌙 His sarcastic quips do not stop at all when you two start dating. He has dad jokes at the ready no matter the occassion. It really gets him when he sees you try to beat back a smile.

🌙 He's a very good cook which shocked you when he invited you to his house for dinner. He didn't seem the type at the time, but he put out a beautiful and delicious meal. The only thing he can't do is bake for the life of him. Even the ready made cookie dough that just needs to be baked burns with him. It's an enigma.

🌙 He's a complete mix of the golden retirever and black cat tropes. He's all sweet and loving while being so sassy sarcastic. He balances both so well in your relationship.

🌙 He really makes an effort to be close with your family if you're still with them. He didn't have one for long growing up from his traumatic past, but it's really important that your own family accepts him. If you don't talk to your family much anymore, he's not going to stress or ask questions.

🌙 On the topic of his traumatic past, he often has horrible nightmares that wakes him up in a cold sweat. Raccoon City, Spain, it all still weighs on his shoulders despite putting on a brave face for you.

🌙 He often has a reoccuring nightmare that you somehow get infected with whatever sick virus and turn into a zombie. Those really stick with him throughout the day and really gets him to think: Could he actually pull the trigger?

🌙 He doesn't do it often anymore, but every once in a while he will drink too much just to forget about it all for awhile. He's since heavily slowed down since dating you. He doesn't like the thought of you worrying about him or even being disgusted by him when he's drunk and depressed, but there are days where it's all just too much.

🌙 He constantly keeps you updated when he's out on duty. He hates keeping you in the dark, especially when he's away for long periods of time. If he can't message you, he has Hunnigan do it for him. It's very rare to not get at least one message a day from him just to let you know that he's alive.

🌙 He likes it when you react well to him being all dressed up. Tug on his tie, snap his suspenders, let your hands linger on his blazer a little too long. He loves the tease, it riles him up and really makes the time fly, especially when he's in a meeting with government officials.

🌙 He loves having his hair toyed with. Whether you're gently scraping your nails against his scalp, brushing his bangs out of his face to look into those pretty eyes, wrapping his dirty blonde locks around your fingers. He loves it all.

🌙 Whenever he gets home, he always does the same thing. He opens and shuts the door behind him, drops his bags to the floor and opens him arms as you run right into them. Wrapping his arms tightly around you, you both just stay there for a few minutes, but it really just feels like forever to him.

🌙 He loves going on car rides with you, especially ones that can last for hours. He'll never get tired of them. He's really loves it when he holds your hand as he's driving, occassionally bring it up to kiss at it while keeping his eyes on the road.

🌙 Acts like he's not a fan of the cop puns and jokes, but he really is. Despite being a police officer for only one day- and that day involved a bunch of zombies and an apocolyptic city- he was still a cop officially for one day. Something about the way you call him "Officer Kennedy" just gets him going.

🌙 He listens to divorced dad rock. Sorry, but I don't make the rules. At first it started out as a joke but it really just became something he comfortably listens to.

🌙 He can never bring work home with him, especially reports that need to be filled out and brought back asap. He just gets too distracted by you. Even if he holes himself up in his office, just the sight of you innocently passing by his door with a load of laundry at your hip makes him suddenly want to help with the laundry.

🌙 He introduces you to Claire and she is honestly dumbfounded that Leon managed to catch and keep someone with as stupid of a personality he has. She is so excited to meet you though. She then proceeds to tell you about some embarassing moments about Leon when she met him Raccoon City.

🌙 Ada doesn't really show her face when you're around, but you do know of her. Leon was completely open and honest about her and answered all of your questions truthfully.

🌙 He has a shameless love for Agatha Christie and Michael Connelly. Say what you want, Leon loves them and often can be found reading them in the night while he tries to drift off.

🌙 He's not a fan of cop shows, though. He turns his nose at the thought. But medical dramas? Leon will eat that shit up- House is his favorite. He steals some snarky remarks from that show.

🌙 Loves it when you smell like him. You first had to use his cologne when you were out of your own body spray. It was just an innocent thing he did, but it became something that he loves doing. Every so often, Leon will mist your clothes in the closet with his cologne just a bit so the smell lingers but isn't overpowering.

🌙 The handsome hunk of man is really good with personal hygiene and taking care of himself. Moisturized skin, conditioned hair, hydrated lips. It all makes up for it when he sometimes has to go days, even weeks with bathing. He really does hate the smell of B.O.

🌙 He can be very persuasive with you when he wants to be. Leon has a silver tongue and he knows it. He often uses it when he wants to do something very personal with you. He gives you those dreamy eyes and speaks to you in a low voice. It's almost hypnotic.

[vampiriito]

Pillow talk and the fifth amendment (3)

(JJ Maybank x pogue! reader x Rafe Cameron ) ..in which you found yourself torn between two worlds when your best friend, JJ Maybank, who you've been in love with since forever starts dating Kiara. In a jealousy haze you start hooking up with Rafe Cameron, the infamous kook prince. Do you manage to keep everything casual and under control? No, is it fun? Also kind of no, given you hate yourself each time you managed to orgasm. And especially since Rafe's favorite activity is to pick on you and your friends outside the bedroom..

"Guilt"

noun

chiefly US

"A useless yet very common emotion that plagues people and can make them go crazy. Guilt is so useless because after you have done the deed there is no changing it. Therefore there is no reason to feel bad, it is counter productive and pointless. This is one of the worst feelings in the world and it arises for no reason whatsoever. It can be described as a powerful feeling of regret and anxiety all in one. The guilt often occurs the night after excessive drinking or after sleeping with the person who actively bullies your friends. It can also occur if you realize you're in love with one of your best friends while dating someone, situations may vary."

You often wondered what was it exactly that made you fall in love with JJ, your closest best friend, inevitably sealing your own fate once he started dating one of your other friends. JJ was handsome, like a fallen angel, his looks so dangerous that sometimes he used them to his advantage. Seemingly. He knew he was handsome and it wasn't entirely a bad thing, but confidence melted into cockiness at times it seemed. When he used to go up to girls at parties, he knew for sure that he was gonna score. Not because he was a person with a good family life or even an over the top smart dude, he was hot and girls wanted to sleep with him. You included. Of course that didn't mean the cocky blonde was stupid like a can of paint, no. He was very clever and he had a knack on reading people and situations better than any of your other friends.

He was emotionally aware, but just like any other 17 year old boy on the island, he deemed emotions as something insignificant and beneath the lust he faced due to his hormones. Maybe that's what pushed him to take the leap of faith that was: dating Kiara. What pushed you to love the boy was, the fact that you were utterly and completely similar. No one from your little group actually bated an eye or knew what it meant living in a house full of ghosts better than JJ. He was constantly running away from house and the skeletons that came with the shitty, run down trailer park property. Just like you.

Before your dad left, your parents' relationship wasn't ideal. They were far from a happy couple of parents. Despite the living situations all three of you faced, you weren't the only ones, and you envied some of the other pogues living in your neighborhood for having good parents. Even if they were rare. Your dad had a way out. He wasn't stuck with your mom, in that shitty and unclean house anymore. He was off to being a functional alcoholic somewhere in a state across the country that he never disclosed to you, in fear that you might want to go and look after him. As if a 15 year old would be able to do that.

So falling in love with JJ came as easily as learning to love yourself (even if that was questionable in of itself.) JJ was your male counterpart. He was just as reckless as you, both of you adrenaline junkies who gave up on the idea that there was a future lurking behind your high school diploma. No self preservation whatsoever, most of your decisions influenced by the ridiculous amounts of alcohol you both consumed to drown out whatever issues you were facing THAT week alone. Sex was following behind closely. And while John B could've sworn that you and JJ would end up sleeping with each other, which would cause you both to get in a very toxic relationship, you proved him wrong. JJ, just like your dad had found a small sliver of a way out of a cycle that would be doomed before it began by dating Kiara. Who, despite pretending to be a pogue, had rich, loving parents at the end of the day. Giving JJ and Kie a small chance at a good life if they stuck around with one another, long enough that marriage wasn't just a distant thing of the future.

But of course no was thinking about marriage at that age. Not JJ and definitely not you. Your relationship with Rafe was, in your mind one of the bad decisions induced by alcohol and weed, which you regretted deeply. Despite it being your only helpful connection at the current time in your life. Seriously, you would sometimes wonder, what if Rafe wasn't a bad person? Would actually be able to date him? He knew his way around your body better than yourself sometimes, and while the age gap was questionable, you were mature enough to not get groomed. Or so you liked to think. It wasn't like you were desperate for the older boy's attention or money, sometimes it felt like it was the other way around. That, without admitting it, Rafe craved your attention and affections.

JJ was a force to be reckoned with. That was one of the main reasons you fell in love with him. This boy would do anything to satisfy any of his needs. Which wasn't a good combination as you both grew up into the 17 year olds you are now. Because you were the only person that was always at arm's reach and yet very far away. It always irked JJ in a way he couldn't quite pin point. You were determined when it came to keeping secrets and he was a nosy bastard. A cocky, sarcastic one at that. It got worse when he started dating Kie 3 months ago. Before that day on the boat and the following evening when you confessed to the pogues that you were casually seeing someone, he knew something was up. But what good was it? He didn't buy the line of shit that you spewed about the guy you were sleeping with, being from Charleston and he didn't know who you were pining after either. It didn't help he had realized recently that he was in love with you with no absolute way to do anything about it. He was powerless in this situation, which in retrospect, he wasn't supposed to be a part in. Given he had a girlfriend whim he loved dearly.

After a particularly long and bad fight with your mom you found yourself skating back to the only place you knew, John B's house. You were hoping the house was empty, not wanting to deal with your friends' questioning and to just unwind in the familiar surroundings. You didn't wanna meet Rafe either, that's how bad it was. Sex wouldn't have helped at the moment. Although you were tempted a little when you left your house earlier.

The house wasn't empty though. As JJ had nothing else to do, he was taking a break from his job at the auto shop when the sound of skateboard wheels got his attention in the quiet house. He immediately recognized who it was. He got up from the couch and walked over to the front door, his hands shoved in his hoodie pockets. He didn't make any noise, he just leant against the doorway and watched you skate closer to the house.

He studied your expression, taking in the exhaustion and irritation etched across your features. He knew something was wrong; you only came to the Chateau when you were upset (which was fairly often now that JJ thought about it). He couldn't ignore the protective feeling that instantly welled up inside him, his heart clenching at the thought of you being upset and hurt. Without realizing it, he spoke up, his voice soft yet firm.

"Everything okay there, gorgeous?"

You glide smoothly to a stop, feeling the wheels slow beneath you. With a slight shift of your weight, you step off the skateboard, your foot landing firmly on the ground. You lift the board with a quick flick of your ankle, catching it effortlessly in your hand. The motion is fluid, almost second nature, as you transition from riding to walking. You tuck the board under your arm, glancing up at JJ and stopping awkwardly a few feet away from the front door. "Why are you wearing a hoodie..? it's like 86 degrees outside..?" you ask, furrowing your brows.

He shrugged, a slight smirk tugging at the corners of his lips. He loved that you thought to mention something so stupid like that at the moment. You always made him feel like a dumbass, but he didn’t mind one bit. "What, I can't wear a hoodie? It's comfortable. Plus, I like hoods. Makes me look badass."

He took a step closer to you, his eyes scanning over your form as he stepped off the wooden steps of the front door. The urge to reach out and just hold you to his chest was so damn strong. He wanted to feel your body against his, to wrap his arms around you and take away whatever hurt or angered you. But he forced himself to keep his hands still, his fingers twitching slightly in his pockets.

"So, you gonna tell me what's up, sugar? Or just stand there lookin' pretty?"

You grimaced without realizing as he came to a stop in front of you, studying his face before looking away and speaking, "What, I can't come here to hang out anymore?" you asked mirroring his teasing question when you pointed out the fact that he was wearing a hoodie in summer. Although there wasn't any hint of playfulness in your expression or tone.

He raised an eyebrow at your response, sensing the lack of humor in your voice. It wasn't like you to be this serious, but he could tell that whatever happened earlier was weighing heavily on your mind. He took another step closer, his voice dropping to a more serious tone.

"Yeah, you can always come hang out, y'know that. But I can tell somethin's eatin' at you. You're not the best at hidin' when you're upset, gorgeous."

" 'M not upset.." you mumbled, forcing yourself to lock eyes with him. Despite the clenching of your heart whenever you looked into his blue eyes.

JJ tilted his head slightly, his gaze fixed on you intently. He could see the tension in your body, the way your hands clutched at the skateboard. He didn't believe your words for a second.

"Try tellin' that to someone who can't read you like a damn book." He scoffed softly, "You always come here when you are. So don't gimme any bullshit right now."

Your teeth sank into your bottom lip without realizing, teasing the small cut there, which caused a small, sharp pang of pain to shoot through your lip. " Same old shit." you nodded vaguely.

JJ's gaze flicked down to your lip, catching sight of the cut. Immediately he felt a pang of worry in his chest. His eyes narrowed slightly, his hands twitching again. He wanted to reach out and gently brush his thumb over your lip, to soothe the pain there. But he forced himself to remain still, his heart thumping loudly in his chest.

"Same old shit?" he repeated, "With your mom again?"

You hummed in response, a small bitter and humorless smirk tugging at your lips as you felt the copper taste of blood on them. You raised your free hand up, your fingers brushing over the small cut to smear the blood off.

JJ swore quietly under his breath as you confirmed it was about your mom. He clenched his fists, his jaw tightening. He hated that you had to deal with all that crap at home. It didn't seem fair. No one should have to go through that, let alone the girl he lov..

He forcefully pushed that thought out of his mind, not wanting to think about that. But the protective feeling only grew stronger. He wanted to wrap you in his arms, to hold you until all the pain went away. But he didn't. Because he had to keep up the pretense of being your best friend. Even though he was probably making a big deal out of it. He was still allowed to hug you, right? Just because he was in love-.. had a girlfriend, he could still be affectionate to his friends.

" 'S all good.." you smiled, but you didn't have the energy to try and get the smile to reach your eyes, shifting your weight from one foot to the other.

He clenched his jaw tighter, his eyes narrowing further at your attempt at a smile. There was no mistaking that forced expression on your face. It was clear as day that you were far from fine. JJ hated how you always tried to act tough and hide your pain. He could see right through it from years of doing the same. The curse of clocking the bullshit he so desperately tried to sell people.

"Don't bullshit me, gorgeous." He said firmly, his voice filled with equal parts anger and concern. "You're not okay."

You wanted to drop your skateboard that was tucked under your arm and hug him. His words were testing the small barrier of casualness in the conversation, and you already were feeling shitty and unstable, emotions all over the place like misplaced clothes on your floor. But you didn't do that, it felt awkward and in some ways you'd feel guilty even though you were allowed to hug your best friend even if he was dating someone. "It isn't anything new.."

JJ's heart ached when you didn't drop the damn skateboard. He wanted so badly to pull you into his arms. To let you rest your face against his chest where he could bury his nose in your hair and soothe the pain away. But with Kie in the picture, it felt wrong to do that. He gritted his teeth, forcing himself to maintain the distance between you.

"Just 'cause 'it ain't new' don't mean it's okay, y'know that right?" He said quietly.

He wanted to tell you more, to urge you to just break down and let him comfort you. But the right words wouldn't come. He just stood there, his heart aching, his arms itching to hold you while his mind was screaming at him to just give you a damn hug. A simple hug between friends.

"You deserve better than that crap. You deserve somethin' good, gorgeous..."

"Nothing in my life is good." you stated (the statement too charged for your liking), a small frown tugging at your features side stepping him awkwardly to drop the skateboard by the steps of the front door before walking up and into the house.

JJ's heart dropped a little at your words. The defeated tone in your voice was like a knife twisting in his chest. He watched silently as you dropped the skateboard by the door and made your way inside. But that wasn't gonna stop him. He wasn't even sure if he could even stop himself at this point. His heart was in charge, and it was telling him to follow you into the house and just hold you tightly against his chest.

He took a deep breath before striding forward and following you into the Chateau.

As JJ entered the Chateau after you, he immediately found you sitting on the edge of the ratty couch, your head in your hands. The sight pained him and made his heart ache even more. He wanted nothing more than to pull you into his arms and just hold you, but he couldn't. He felt conflicted and confused, his emotions all over the place. He walked slowly over, his footsteps loud against the wooden floorboards, before sitting down beside you, close enough that your thighs just brushed.

He sat there in silence for a moment, watching you with a heavy heart. He looked at your bowed head, the way your shoulders trembled slightly, and the sight made his chest ache. He swallowed hard, before speaking softly.

"Gorgeous..." he said quietly, his voice filled with a mixture of guilt, shame, and concern. "You don't really mean that, do you?"

"I meant generally.. my life is a string of unfortunate events and even more unfortunate choices." you spoke, rubbing your face with your hands in exhaustion, your glasses placed beside you on the couch. You knew he took it personally, but you didn't mean it like that. If you were to think about it more deeply, being in love with JJ and having him as your best friend was one of the few things that was a pleasant constant in your life, despite the trouble they brought sometimes.

Even though he knew you didn't mean it like that, it still hurt a little that you thought your life was nothing but a string of bad luck. Especially knowing that there were a lot of things out of your control.

As you spoke, his gaze settled on your face, taking in the way your hands rubbed at your weary eyes. He had to fight the urge to pull you into his arms and just hold you. But he couldn't. Instead, he shifted a little closer, his body angled towards you.

"That ain't true.... we have each other.."

"That goes without saying.." you mumbled, grateful that he verbalized out loud what you were thinking and you didn't have to say it and make your self feel awkward. You kept your face buried in your hands, letting out a shaky sigh as you felt the events of the day settle over you in the silence of the chateau. And the day wasn't even over, it was only late afternoon.

JJ felt a small, bittersweet smile tug at his lips at your mumbled reply. As much as he hated to see you in pain, there was something comforting in knowing that you regarded him as a constant in your life, just like he did for you.

He watched you wearily for a moment, his heart heavy. He STILL itched to reach out and pull you against him, to hold you and soothe all the pain away. But he held back, his hand clenching the fabric of his shorts in an effort to keep himself in check.

"You're the best thing in my life." you spoke quietly, raising your face from your hands, glancing at him sat by your side on the ratty couch.

JJ's heart skipped a beat at your words, his stomach filled with fluttering butterflies. He tried to push away the warm feeling that filled his chest, tried to act like those words hadn't affected him as much as they had.

He swallowed, looking back at you. The sunlight streaming in through the window behind the couch illuminated your face beautifully. It took his breath away.

".. And you're the best thing in mine."

He watched you for a moment, admiring your beautiful features before he turned his gaze away, looking down at his lap. He felt a pang of guilt, a feeling that had become all too familiar since he had gotten together with Kie. He knew he shouldn't feel this way, he knew he should be happy with Kie, but he couldn't help the way his heart ached for you, how the sight of you sitting next to him made his stomach flip-flop.

If you weren't so disgusted by the idea of crying in front of another human being you would've broke down. Your throat felt tight, like there was a big lump there as your eyes stayed glued to the side of his face even as he looked down. His words were echoing in your head, '..and you're the best thing in mine.' You mirrored his stance, fidgeting with your fingers in your lap while you shuffled your feet on the floor awkwardly.

JJ could sense the tension between you both, the air thick with unspoken words and emotions. Every moment of silence felt like a dagger being twisted in his heart. He could almost hear the sound of your ragged breaths and the beating of your hearts, each thump reminding him of the growing distance between you two.

He couldn't stand it anymore. The silence was becoming too much. He had to say something, anything, to break the tension. So, he spoke, his voice low and rough.

"Hey.." he started, his gaze still fixed on his hands clenched tightly in his lap. He took a deep breath, his heart thudding in his chest. "Can I ask you something? It's been eating me alive.."

"Yeah.." you responded, your voice weak.

JJ finally looked up to meet your gaze, his eyes searching yours as he tried to find the right words to say. He took in a shaky breath, his heart thundering in his chest. God, he wanted to pull you into a tight embrace and never let go. But he couldn't. He couldn't because you weren't his to hold.

"Why.." He began, his voice strained. "Why..."

His tongue felt heavy in his mouth. The words refused to come out the way he wanted them to. He closed his eyes tightly, taking another deep breath before he tried again.

"Why.. what?" you asked, still trying to swallow down the lump in your throat so you could breathe properly, but not succeeding.

He exhaled shakily, his eyes opening slowly to look at you again. He could see the strain in your features, the discomfort and unease, and it shattered his heart. But he had to say it.

"Why did you lie to me...?" His voice was quiet, filled with unspoken emotions.

"What did i lie about?" you grimaced, studying his face intently. Was he talking about your lie about the identity of the guy you were hooking up? Did he know you were actually sleeping with Rafe?

He narrowed his eyes slightly at your response, noticing the grimace on your face.

"Don't play dumb." He replied, his voice a little more firm. He was getting closer to the truth and he could almost taste it, and the taste was bound to be bitter on JJ's tongue. The thought of it made his hands curl into fists

"We both know you don't have some random guy from Charleston in your back pocket. You're not fooling anyone with that bullshit."

He continued, fixing you with a sharp look.

"So, I'll ask again. Why did you lie to me, Y/n? And tell me the truth this time." His voice was firm but there was a hint of pleading behind it. He needed to know, he needed to hear it from you, so he could stop this inner turmoil and let go.

"Cause the truth is worse and i feel guilty about it." you frowned, your statement simple and cryptic.

A flicker of alarm passed through his eyes. What could possibly be worse than you sleeping with some random guy from Charleston? His heart thudded loudly.

"Worse...?" He repeated, his voice cracking slightly. "Worse than hooking up with some guy you don't know?"

"I had the worst day JJ... I'm not doing this." you turned your face to the side, grabbing your glasses from beside you, placing them back on your face.

JJ's frustration grew as you evaded his question. He clenched his jaw tightly, the muscles in his face taunt with tension.

"No. I'm not letting this go." He said firmly, reaching out to grab your wrist as you tried to move away. "You're not getting away by changing the subject or dismissing it. I need to know."

"I am dismissing it. I don't wanna talk about that." you stood up from the couch, hovering over him as you stared down at him, scowling.

His eyes flicked up to meet yours, his grip on your wrist tightening slightly at your stubborn behavior.

"Tough." He replied, his voice sharp. He stood up too, matching your stance as he looked up at you. Their proximity was close enough to make his heart skip a beat, but he pushed that feeling down, determined to get answers.

"You're going to talk about it whether you want to or not."

"I ain't telling you shit. It's none of your business who I'm sleeping with." you glared up at him, you were in disbelief. You just had the worst day with your mom and her boyfriend and here he was, asking you about something so insignificant at the moment.

He could feel his patience slipping as you continued to dig your heels in. He clenched his jaw tightly, his frustration bubbling just beneath the surface.

"Not my business?" He repeated. "Who you're sleeping with is not my business? Well, I beg to differ." His tone was cold.

"Why? are you gonna play 'concerned best friend' card? I don't need that bullshit okay? Worry about your girlfriend, or the fact that you're not faithful to her." you sneered lightly, bringing up that night at the party when he confessed he wasn't entirely faithful to Kie and then tried to hook up with you. That night was stuck in your mind, playing back his words when you looked at him.

His eyes darkened, his expression hardening as you brought up that night at the party. He flinched, as if you had struck a nerve, and his grip on your wrist tightened almost painfully before he let go.

He took a step back, his chest feeling tight as the memories flooded back. He clenched his jaw tightly, his voice coming out sharp. "Don't bring that up right now." He snapped.

"Fuck you. Keep your mixed signals away from me. Stay in your lane and stop questioning me like you have any right. You have a fucking girlfriend!" you snapped, the bottled up feelings from the past weeks and last 3 months just tipping to spill now.

He could feel his anger growing with each passing second, his entire body tense with frustration.

"Is that what this is about? That night at the party?" He asked, his voice raised. "You still mad at me because I tried to kiss you?"

He took a step towards you, closing the distance between you again. His voice was a low growl.

"Yes?! You didn't address it." you spoke, raising your brows in disbelief, arms extended by your side in irritation, "Why are you acting like I'm overreacting?"

"Overreacting?" He repeated, his eyes narrowing. "You're the one acting like I stabbed you or something. You're acting like a damn jealous ex."

He took another step forward, close enough to invade your personal space. He clenched his jaw tightly, his voice coming out harshly.

"Get over it, already."

You fell silent, your expression hardening. Of course he was gonna blow you off when you brought it up, typical JJ. But you weren't gonna push any further. Not when he was downplaying the whole thing and making you feel like it wasn't a big deal. Underneath the anger you felt stupid and quite frankly insignificant. Like the whole thing was just a spur-of-the-moment decision, and you found yourself glad you didn't kiss him back or hooked up with him.

"It was just a stupid, damn mistake and you know it." He spoke, his voice low and harsh, his eyes searching your face intently, trying to find a hint of the girl he remembered from before.

"Stop acting like it was something more than it was. I have a girlfriend." He practically snarled out the last words.

His last words were a harsh reminder that, underneath the tension and your feelings he was someone else's. You were still his best friend and nothing more. You were still stuck sleeping with someone who you didn't love or liked as a way to bury your feelings for him and he wasn't responsible for any of them. Nothing changed, nothing ever did. Not when your dad left, not when your mom didn't do shit when one of her boyfriends laid his hands on you for the first time. And it certainly wasn't gonna change now.

So your attempt at trying to diffuse the tension in your body from your fight at home turned into another layer of anger added to it. You looked down before spinning around on your heel and walking towards the front door.

His jaw clenched tightly, his expression hardening as you spun around and headed for the door. His mind was a chaotic mix of frustration and confusion, and the realization of how he was making the situation worse was slowly sinking in.

"You can't just walk away every time something pisses you off." He called after you, his words edged with frustrated irritation.

You stayed silent, grasping the door knob of the front door and flinging it open, walking down the small wooden steps and grabbing your skateboard from the side of the house roughly. You knew exactly where you were going now.

JJ's frustration and irritation grew as you continued to completely ignore him. His body was practically shaking from the mix of emotions raging inside him.

He followed behind you quickly, walking down the stairs and watching you as you grabbed your skateboard and headed away from the house.

"Hey! Where the hell are you going?"

Without a word you drop the skateboard to your feet, placing one foot on the deck and with a rough motion you push off the ground with your other foot. As the skateboard starts to move down the side walk leading away from the chateau, you bring your foot on the board, finding your balance. You didn't glance back at JJ, you couldn't bring yourself to. Not yet, anyway.

In less than an hour you were on figure 8, staring at the big glass front doors of the Cameron house, chewing the inside of your cheek. You fish your phone out of your back pocket dialing Rafe's number and praying he would pick up and was home. If not, you would just look like a dumbass standing outside his house, your stance resembling that of a lost and kicked puppy.

JJ watched as you skated away, a mixture of anger and helplessness growing within him. He wanted to run after you and grab you, making you talk to him and hear him out. But he knew that he'd only make things worse. So he stood there, watching you until you disappeared from his sight. His emotions were all over the place, and he didn't know how to deal with them.

In the meantime, Rafe picked up the phone

"Where are you, babe?"

"Out front." you spoke simply, shifting your weight from one foot to the other.

Rafe smirked, already guessing what you were there for. "I'm coming out."

A few moments later, he emerged from the house, a smug look on his face as he approached you. "Hey there, baby." He called, his voice dripping with satisfaction.

You hung up the call as he stopped in front of you, stuffing your phone in your back pocket. Your expression was sour, full of irritation from the fight with JJ and your mom. You stepped closer dropping your skateboard to the ground, wrapping your arms around his neck almost roughly, hesitating for a split second before kissing him wordlessly.

Rafe's eyes widened slightly in mild surprise, not expecting your sudden display of affection. But he quickly recovered, a smirk tugging at the corners of his lips as he wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you close to him. He pressed his body against yours, his lips meeting yours in a rough, passionate kiss.

"Well... hello to you too." He chuckled against your lips, his breath hot against your skin.

"Is Sarah home..?" you asked, your brows furrowing as you studied his face. Despite the nature of your relationship, Rafe always seemed pleased when you inevitably showed up at his house. Maybe he was sick and twisted, taking pleasure in your misfortune. Or maybe the Cameron boy had grown to like you, and like the fact that he was the first and only refuge when things got bad in your life. You could never allow yourself to dwell on those thoughts.

Rafe shook his head, his smirk widening as he realized what you were here for. "Luck's on your side doll. You've got me all to yourself today."

Hearing his words, a flicker of relief washed over your face. You didn't feel like dealing with anyone else right now, and knowing that Sarah was out of the house was a small miracle.

"Good. Let's go upstairs then."

Rafe chuckled, a sly smile playing on his lips as he wrapped his arm around your waist, guiding you towards the front door. "Sure thing, baby."

As the two of you made your way upstairs, Rafe couldn't help but notice the tension in your body.

"You seem a bit... off, today." He observed, glancing sidelong at you as he pushed open the door to his room.

The moment the door closed behind you, Rafe turned to face you, taking in your tense expression and body language. He ran his fingers lightly down your arm, his touch sending a shiver down your spine.

"You wanna talk about it, or...?" He asked, his voice soft yet filled with curiosity. Although he had a pretty good idea of what was bothering you. It wasn't hard to guess when there were precisely two options he could choose from.

"No, definitely not." you spoke tensely, resisting the urge to grimace.

Rafe chuckled, taking another step closer to you, his body almost pressing against yours. He could practically feel the tension radiating off you, and it fueled him further.

"That's fine by me. I can think of plenty of other ways to distract you." He purred into your ear, his breath hot against your skin as he gently grasped your hips, pulling you against him.

You wrapped your arms around his neck once again, leaning your face close, "just stop talking Rafe.." you mumbled before kissing him.

Rafe smirked against your lips, enjoying the commanding tone in your voice. He pressed his body against you, his hands gripping your hips a bit tighter as he returned the kiss passionately. He deepened the kiss, his tongue slipping into your mouth as he backed you up towards his bed.

"Whatever you say, baby." He muttered between kisses, his voice low and raspy with desire.

As you reached the edge of Rafe's bed, he gently pushed you backwards, causing you to fall back onto the soft mattress. He followed quickly after, his body covering yours as he continued to kiss you deeply, his hands roaming over your body, slowly lifting up the hem of your shirt.

You supported your weight on your elbows, your hand reaching to take off your glasses in one swift motion, placing them on his night stand and repeating the same action with your shirt, throwing it somewhere on the floor by his bed. You quickly went back to cupping his face kissing him sloppily, trying desperately to get your mind off of things.

Rafe groaned against your lips as you removed your glasses and shirt, his hands coming up to rest on either side of your head, pinning you down against the sheets. The taste of your lips and the heat of your body against his was exhilarating, and he wanted more. He broke the kiss, panting slightly as his lips found your neck, trailing kisses down towards your collarbone.

"You're so damn hot when you're in charge." He muttered between kisses, his fingers slowly undoing the buttons of your jean shorts.

"This is the only thing I'm in charge of, in my life.." you mumbled, your hands reaching down to tug at the hem of his shirt while his hands working hastily with the button and flier of your shorts.

Rafe chuckled against your skin, the sound muffled by the kisses he was trailing down your body. He pulled back for a moment, allowing you to pull his shirt over his head, discarding it on the floor next to yours. He quickly got back to work on your shorts, his fingers nimbly undoing the button and zipper, before he began to tug them down over your hips.

"Well, you can be in charge of me all you want, baby. Anything you want." He whispered huskily, his eyes locked on yours.

You wiggled your hips gently before kicking your shorts off in one swift motion, allowing them to slide off the bed and onto the floor along with your shoes. You settled underneath him, locking eyes with him and letting out a small, almost inaudible and bitter scoff, cradling his face and pulling him in for another rough kiss.

Rafe returned the kiss eagerly, his lips molding against yours as he leaned into you further, his body pressing against yours. He could feel the bitterness in your scoff, but he didn't comment on it. instead, he continued to kiss you with a fervor, his hands roaming over your body, exploring every inch of skin that was now bared for him. He could sense the tension and pain in your body, and it only fueled his own need to comfort you.

You didn't waste time, a sense of urgency in every movement of your movement before he was inside you. Your legs were wrapped around his waist loosely, his face buried into the crook of your neck, one of his hands cupping your jaw and letting his thumb slip past your lips a little as thrusted, causing your body to arch up into his chest from time to time. The transition from stepping inside his room and him being inside you was always swift and fast, both of you already knowing what to do after almost 4 months of hooking up.

Rafe groaned quietly into your neck at the sudden and urgent movements. He loved when you took charge like this, it made him feel wanted and needed in the best way possible. He nipped at your skin, leaving small love bites as he continued to thrust into you, his grip on your jaw tightening slightly, his thumb pressing against your tongue. He wanted to feel every part of you, possess every part of you, but at the same time, he could sense the pain and desperation in your actions, and it only made him cling onto you more, torn between being soft and careful with you in these situations, and being as rough as you allowed him to be. And you allowed him a lot of things, at least during sex.

The room was filled with the sounds of your panted breaths and small moans as Rafe continued to move, each thrust more determined than the other with every moan that he managed to pull out of you. He pressed his lips to your neck, leaving a trail of kisses, his body pressing against yours, your skin slick with a thin film of sweat. He could feel the tension in your body and it only made him more determined. He wanted to make you forget your worries and pain, even if it was temporarily.

His hand slid down from your jaw to your neck, gently gripping it and giving it a slight squeeze, his thumb applying gentle pressure, feeling the way your throat would move as you made each small sound.

He nuzzled his nose into your neck once more, nipping and licking at the sensitive skin, wanting to leave his mark on you. He knew that you didn't belong together, but he couldn't deny the way his heart raced when he was with you, the way he craved your touch. It was a feeling he couldnt get enough of.

Your eyes fluttered closed as soon as his hand wrapped around your neck gently, your lips parting a little as you let out quiet moans, one of your hands threading through his hair and scraping at his scalp in pleasure. You loved allowing yourself these tens of minutes of distraction, despite the guilt plaguing you they were your most prized moments of your day.

Rafe groaned quietly at the feeling of your hand in his hair, it was a sensation he could never get tired of. The way you would tug on his hair and he could nearly see stars. He loved the little pain, the burning sensation it would bring, the way it'd make his blood run hotter than it already was. One of his own hands slid down to your hip, his grip tightening as he pulled you closer to him.

He continued to bite and suck on your skin, leaving behind a constellation of small red and purple spots that only he would see. He wanted to mark you, to claim you as his own, even though he knew you couldn't truly be his. He wanted everyone to see that you belonged to him and no one else. You were his, even if it was just this because he knew he was the only one you allowed this close. Physically, at least. His lips wandered down your neck, trailing down your collarbone and your chest, leaving a trail of hot kisses in their wake,

The pace of his hips became more sloppy as you both chased the feeling of sweet release. Your brain was focused on the gentle grip of his hand around your throat, your moans coming out in shaky strings. His hand on your hip was lifting it off the bed a little to angle his thrusts better, causing you to become a little louder and to let out a couple of gasps mixed with your moans. "That's it.. that's good.." you choked out breathlessly, unable to open your eyes, arching your back a little.

Rafe could tell you were getting close as your moans grew louder and shakier, the way your body arching up against his chest, your head thrown back, giving him more access to your neck, which he took full advantage of. He nipped and sucked at the sensitive skin, leaving behind a few more marks as he continued to thrust into you.

He nearly smirked at your praise, the words sending a thrill through his body. He loved hearing you say things like that, it made him feel both powerful and vulnerable in the best way possible. He picked up his pace slightly, his grip on your hip tightening as he leaned into you, his thrusts becoming more desperate and needy.

His name left your lips in a quiet gasp as he picked up the pace, his lips wandering back up to your neck, leaving more kisses and love bites. His hand around your throat flexed slightly, applying a little more pressure, loving the way it would make you arch into his chest and gasp out more moans. He could feel the tension building in his own body, the way his muscles coiled and heat spread through his veins. He wasn't going to last as long as he wanted to, not with the way you were responding to him, or with the way you felt wrapped around his cock.

Once his hand flexed slightly around your neck you let out a small, breathless whimper. His grip wasn't cutting airflow by any means, but the pressure was making you dizzy, the feeling combined with the pleasure he was giving you from his deep thrusts due to the angle was making you feel weightless. Like you didn't have thousands of thoughts weighing you down. You dug your nails into the skin on the back of his neck, leaving behind small crescent shapes.

Rafe's breath hitched at the feeling of your nails digging into the skin of his neck. He had a thing for pain, and the stinging sensation you left on his skin only made him shudder slightly. He loved the small whimper you let out when he tightened his grip, knowing that he was the reason you were feeling so good.

He leaned in, panting into your ear as he continued his pace, his lips brushing over the shell of your ear as he spoke in a low, rumbling voice. "Let me hear those pretty noises. I want to hear how good I'm making you feel.."

His words left a shiver running down your spine. Despite the fact that you both knew this wasn't exactly love, there was an intimate feeling to it and him saying that to you felt like he really wanted and meant it. His lips continued to brush against your ear and neck, his breathing hot on your skin. With each passing moment, you started getting tighter, the heat building in your core, the pleasure becoming more intense. He could see it in your face, hear it in your sounds, it was what he lived for in these moments.

He could see the pleasure building on your face, the way your expression started to change and your breathing growing shallower. He was enjoying every moment of this, and he was determined to make it the best it could be for both of you. As he watched you, his grip tightened slightly on your neck, gently applying a little more pressure as he continued pushing deeper and deeper into you, relishing in the way it made you feel and the sounds you let out in response.

His praise about your sounds and the grip on your throat were making you lightheaded and you writhed under him, scratching at his back, letting out choked, loud moans in sync with every thrust of his hips. The knot in your lower stomach was threatening to snap and your jaw was slack from pleasure, head tilted back into the pillow under it. What you and Rafe had definitely wasn't love. You couldn't stand each other outside of this and most of your meetings were driven by lust and fleeting sex. But it was nice. Having someone who didn't ask questions or demand answers. It was purely physical and sometimes that's what someone like you needed.

He groaned loudly as you scratched at his back, loving the way you felt under him. The way you were so lost in your own pleasure that you didn't hold anything back, you were completely surrendered to him and what he made you feel. Rafe was definitely a man who thrived in control, both in and out of the bedroom, but there was something about having you so vulnerable under him that was addicting to him. He loved knowing that he was the only one that could make you feel like this. That he was the only one you let in physically and mentally, no matter how temporary it may be.

His lips, which had left their mark all over your neck and shoulders, started to move down to your chest, leaving kisses and bites on your skin as he did. He loved marking you in various places he knew would be easy to cover up, he loved seeing the evidence of what he did to you, the knowledge that it was just for him. Even though he knew that there was no love behind this, he wanted and even need to make sure that you knew that he was the one giving you so much pleasure and nothing else. He wanted you to associate pleasure with him.

After you both finished though, you always kept your distance. There was no need for pillow talk of after care here. That would just make everything too intimate. You were trying to save that for the guy you were gonna date, and not for your fuck buddy. You were sitting on the edge of the bed now, completely spent but with your mind finally cleared and the tension in your body gone once you came. You were hunched forward a little, your elbows on your knees and your face in your hands as you tried to catch your breath.

Rafe was also breathing heavily, his back leaned against the headboard as he watched you regain your breath. His eyes traced over your body, the sight of you sitting there, still slightly flushed and disheveled, stirring a sense of satisfaction in him. Even though there were no feelings between you, there was an intimate familiarity to you that he loved.

Finally, he broke the silence, his voice still a little gruff from exertion.

"..You good, angel?"

"Yeah.. Feeling terrific." you mumbled, reaching to grab your panties from the floor and put them on along with your bra. You stood up from the bed, fishing your pack of cigarettes and lighter from the pocket of your shorts and making your way to balcony in his room. "Wanna have a smoke before i leave..?"

Rafe chuckled softly at your answer, enjoying the little sassy tone in your voice. He watched you get dressed, his eyes following every move you made, appreciating your body. He nodded his head in response to your question, getting out of the bed as well and snatching a pair of boxers from the floor, shimmying them on before making his way over to you on the balcony. Once there, he took the cigarette and lighter from your hand, lighting up one for you and one for himself as he leaned back against the balcony railing.

He took a long drag from the cigarette, exhaling a cloud of smoke into the warm, early evening air. His eyes flickered over to you, studying your feature, noting the slight edge to your expression. "You got into it with your mom again, didn't you?"

You took a long drag from your cigarette, licking your front teeth with your mouth closed. He pinpointed the problem correctly. "..and got into an argument with blondie after.." you let out a bitter chuckle, your eyes skimming over the scenery in front of the balcony mindlessly.

Rafe raised an eyebrow at your response, taking another drag from his cigarette. He had known about your issues with your family, with your mother specifically. The arguments, the disagreements, the screaming, the occasional smacks. It was no wonder you needed to find comfort somewhere else, even with him. He was curious about your little tussle with JJ, though. "What was that fight with Maybank over this time?"

"Told the pogues I'm hooking up with some college dude from Charleston, and he didn't believe me. I think he suspects I'm sleeping with you.." you ashed the cigarette before bringing it to your lips, side glancing at him for a few moments.

Rafe raised his eyebrows, a hint of surprise in his expression. He took a drag from his cigarette, his eyes flickering back over to you. The fact that JJ suspected you of seeing him wasn't the surprising part. It was the fact that you'd told the Pogues about a fake guy in the first place.

"Damn, you really went all out with that lie, huh? He didn't buy it though, I take it."

Rafe couldn't help but smirk a little, the idea of JJ getting all worked up over your made-up boyfriend slightly amusing him. He was a territorial guy after all. He took another hit from the cigarette before speaking again.

"Why'd you tell them you were sleeping with some college guy anyway? Seems kinda unnecessary to me."

"Yeah, let me tell my pogue best friends I'm actually sleeping with the biggest and most asshole-ish kook on the island. The same person that beat up Pope with a golf club last summer and is a drug dealer.." you held back a teasing grin, nodding sardonically as you kept your gaze on him.

Rafe chuckled at your rebuttal, an amused smirk tugging at the corners of his lips. He exhaled a plume of smoke, leaning slightly against the railing as he took in your sarcasm.

"Touché.. but, they're still gonna find out eventually."

"I know.." you frowned to yourself, feeling a pang of guilt shoot through you as you thought about it. You brought the cigarette to your lips, taking a deep drag, letting the nicotine fill your brain and lungs as you held in the smoke.

Rafe watched your expression falter, the guilt evident on your face. He knew it weighed heavily on you, what you were doing. Keeping secrets from your friends, especially when it came to sleeping with him. But you couldn't help it. You needed the distraction he provided, the escape he offered.

He exhaled his own smoke, his voice turning softer as he spoke. "They're gonna be pissed, you know."

"Thanks Rafe, that makes me feel so much better about myself and my decisions.." you side glanced at him with an unimpressed and sardonic expression, exhaling the smoke between your lips slowly.

Rafe held his hands up in mock surrender, his smirk widening into a full-blown cocky grin. He chuckled at your sarcastic comment, his eyes gleaming with a mix of amusement and arrogance.

"Hey, just trying to help. Maybe you should have thought about that before you started sleeping with me."

He took another hit from his cigarette, his gaze lingering on you for a moment, taking in the sight of you in the soft glow of the early evening sunshine, your features both beautiful and sharp. There was something about you that intrigued him, a mixture of vulnerability and sass that made him want to push your buttons just to see how you would react. The Cameron boy liked to document your reactions to certain things he said when the two of you managed to talk after. It was peculiar to him how guilt ridden and angry one could be after orgasming.

"Or maybe you just can't get enough of me."

"Yeah, is that what you tell yourself to make up for the fact that I'm using you?" the words were teasing and condescending as you leaned in slightly, your eyes narrowed and smirking.

He chuckled at your reply, his smirk mirroring your own as he leaned in closer too. Your cigarettes dangling from your fingers, faces barely inches apart.

"No need to make up excuses. We both know you crave what I give you, even if it's just physical."

"Ey.. you're good in bed and you roll up my weed for free.." you shrugged, smirking. You brought the cigarette to your lips again, taking a drag and exhaling the smoke slowly in his face.

Rafe chuckled huskily, the smoke mingling with his breath as he smiled at your words. He loved that about you, how you were always so blunt and honest. People were either sucking up to him or hated Rafe openly. With you, he never actually knew for sure. You didn't really like him, but he figured that if it came down to it, you wouldn't let him die or get hurt. You cared to an extent, is what he was trying to convey here. He took another hit from his cigarette, the embers glowing in the twilight.

"Damn right, I am." He said, his eyes darkening at the memory of the many nights you spent together.

He shifted closer, the heat between you growing more intense with each passing moment. His eyes flicked between your lips and eyes, a devilish gleam in his gaze.

"And you're a good distraction for me, don't forget."

"And what exactly do you need to be distracted from?" you asked, snorting softly in amusement, ashing your cigarette blindly.

Rafe rolled his eyes at your question, his expression becoming almost defensive. He wasn't used to being prodded and questioned. But there was something about you that made him want to open up to you, even just a little.

"Oh, you know just the usual. My dad's bullshit, my ex girlfriend's bullshit, the fact that I'll never be good enough." He smirked bitterly, his tone laced with a hint of sarcasm. "Take your pick."

You raised your brows, sticking out your bottom lip and nodding knowingly, "Yeah being spoiled rotten must be tough, huh?"

Rafe chuckled at your sarcasm, rolling his eyes and shaking his head. He knew you didn't understand what it was like to grow up in the wealthy circles he had, but he appreciated your smartass remarks nonetheless.

"Oh yeah, it's a real burden being rich and privileged. I mean, having everything you want at the snap of a finger, the luxuries, the power... It's such a struggle" He joked, his voice laced with mock sympathy.

"And here i thought living in a shitty trailer park with an alcoholic step father and a coward of a mother was tough.." you chuckled, clutching your heart and shaking your head, taking another pull from your cigarette.

Rafe's grin faded slightly, his sardonic smirk faltering at your words. It was easy to forget sometimes that you had a rough upbringing, and the reality of it hit him like a truck every time. He knew that beneath your tough exterior, there was a vulnerability and pain that you kept tucked away. But he couldn't help but poke at it. The temptation was too strong. He raised his eyebrows and leaned back against the railing, his voice dripping with condescension once more. "You're a regular little underdog, aren't you?"

You took a final drag from your cigarette, stubbing it out on his arm dangling over the railing, smirking up at him. "Don't be an asshole, country-club."

Rafe hissed in pain as the hot end of your cigarette made contact with his skin, a searing sensation that left a small red mark in its wake. He quickly recoiled, his eyes narrowing as he rubbed his arm. Part of him wanted to grab you and throw you over his knee, but he held back, the fire in his gaze growing more intense.

"Watch it, trailer trash."

His words hung in the air, a dangerous and low whisper that made your spine tingle. But you'd be damned if you let him see it. You leaned in closer, your eyes locked on his with a challenge.

"Or what? You gonna tell your daddy on me?"

Rafe's jaw clenched at your taunt, his grip on the railing tightening as your faces were mere inches apart. He was fighting the urge to just pin you against the wall and kiss you senseless, just to shut you up. But he maintained his composure, his eyes darkening with a mixture of anger and desire.

"No, I don't think daddy would like knowing his little baby boy is sneaking around with a trailer park girl."

"Ay whatever helps you sleep at night, country-club. You should get those daddy issues checked.." you narrowed your eyes, patting his arm in mock sympathy before side stepping him to walk lazily back into his bedroom.

Rafe gritted his teeth as you patted his arm mockingly, a mix of annoyance and desire coursing through his veins. He hated when you talked and acted like you had him wrapped around your little finger, even though he was.

"Daddy issues?" He repeated through gritted teeth, following you into the bedroom. "I think you're the one with daddy issues, princess."

"Takes one to know one.." you chuckled, sitting down on the edge of the bed, grabbing your shorts and cropped t shirt and slipping them over your underwear, your socks and beat up vans following. You grabbed the glasses from the side table next to his bed and placing them on your face.

Rafe leaned against the doorway of the balcony, watching you with a mixture of annoyance and hunger. Your confidence and nonchalance both irritated and intrigued him. As you sat on the bed and began slipping on your shorts and cropped T-shirt, his gaze traveled over your exposed skin, his eyes taking in every inch.

"You really love that whole 'poor country girl' shtick, don't you?" He commented mockingly, his arms folding across his chest.

"And you really love sticking to the whole country-club, snobby kid act even after we fuck, don't you?" you returned harshly, grimacing at him from the foot of the bed, arms folded over your chest as you stood up and glanced at him by the balcony door.

The moment your words left your lips, Rafe's jaw clenched. He felt a mix of anger and embarrassment. It was like you always knew how to get under his skin.

"You think you know me so well," he retorted, the harshness in his voice not doing much to hide the tension building between the two of you. He pushed off the doorway and stalked towards you, his movements calculated and deliberate.

"You don't have a damn clue, trailer park."

You scoffed, your eyes zeroing his almost fully naked form, save for the boxer briefs, your eyes hovering over his chest abs, "Get dressed country-club, you look ridiculous trying to intimidate me only in your boxers.." you spoke in a condescending tone, smirking as soon as you locked eyes.

Rafe's eyes blazed with a mixture of annoyance and desire as your gaze raked over his half-clad body. It was simultaneously frustrating and thrilling. You had a habit of getting under his skin in the most infuriating yet enticing ways possible.

"Oh so now you're giving me orders, huh?" He retorted, his voice dripping with sarcasm as he continued to close the gap between you. He stepped closer until he loomed over you, his muscular frame almost caging you in.

"Only if you let me.." you whispered, narrowing your eyes with your smirk still in place. You grazed your finger slowly over his abs down to where his happy trail ended.

A shiver ran down Rafe's spine as your finger traced a tantalizing path over his abs, his body responding involuntarily to your touch. He gritted his teeth, trying to maintain his composure and not give you the satisfaction of knowing the effect you had on him. But you always had a way of shredding through his defenses.

"And what makes you think I'd let you order me around?" He retorted, his voice still slightly defiant, even as it grew raspier with desire.

"Tsk... you're no fun country-club." you frowned rolling your eyes, bringing your finger up to adjust your glasses. You stepped back a little, grabbing your phone from the night-stand and stuffing it in your back pocket, "I have to flee... but I'll see you, yeah?" you smirked, raising your brows.

Rafe rolled his eyes at the nickname, but there was a hint of amusement in his expression. He knew you were trying to get a rise out of him, but he wasn't going to let you win that easily.

"Yeah, yeah. Get outta here before I change my mind." He replied, crossing his arms across his chest, his gaze following your every move. He made no effort to cover up his nakedness either, comfortable in his own skin as he leaned against the bed.

You turned around, leaning against the door to face him once more. Your smirk grew a little wider.

"I'll see you again, only when I want, alright?" You let the words linger in the air, emphasizing the word "want" with a suggestive tone. You were challenging him, seeing how he would take it, and it was a fun game to play. With a final wink, you pushed open the door, disappearing into the shadows of the hallway without a backward glance.

Rafe's expression darkened slightly at your words, a flicker of annoyance in his eyes. He never liked it when you took the upper hand, but he couldn't help the shiver that ran down his spine at your suggestive tone.

"Oh, I'll be seeing you, sweetheart," he muttered under his breath as you walked out of the room, his gaze fixed intently on the closed door. But he couldn't help the small smirk that tugged at the corner of his lips.

Your fingers clutched the pack of cheap cookies and the can of ice tea tightly as you stumbled outside the convenience store. Your feet ached slightly from the heeled sandals you wore, the thin heel surprising you with how it was still intact after the night of partying you just had. You dropped down on the curb placing the can of ice tea beside you, focusing on ripping the cookie packet open, almost inhaling one of them once you managed to tear it open.

You were surprised how you were still standing in general. You were high, drunk and you managed to snort some blow that night. To get into another kook party you had to look the part, hence the heels and the powder blue mini dress. You had managed once again to sneak away from your friends, still not taking it very well that your childhood crush and best friend was dating someone that wasn't you. You reached up, adjusting your glasses which were also surprisingly still on your face despite stumbling around clumsily, and you were feeling fairly proud you had some cash for the cookies and ice tea, bought with the intent to sober up a little before walking home.

The sound of gravel crunching under approaching footsteps broke you out of your thoughts and you turned your head to the side. The sight that met you made you frown slightly. Rafe Cameron. He had a smirk on his face as he approached you after stepping out from his SUV parked a little further behind him in the store's parking lot.

The sight of him made you roll your eyes. You had no interest in dealing with his cocky attitude tonight of all nights. You turned your head away, focusing your attention on your food, trying to act uninterested, but you could tell he made himself comfortable next to you. You didn't forget what happened between the 2 of you. How could you? you were feeling guilty about it for the past week. Tonight was even rougher, given you didn't feel like dealing with Rafe, JJ or your mom in your state,

Rafe's smirk widened, seeing your attempts to ignore him. He could tell you weren't in the mood to talk, but he couldn't help himself. He liked bugging you, it was just too easy.

"Hey stranger." He teased, his eyes roaming over your appearance, lingering at the way the dress hugged your curves. "You look nice tonight."

He sat down beside you, taking the can of ice tea from your lap and popping the tab open, gulping down a good few sips. He noticed how you barely looked at him, focusing your attention on the food. When he spoke, you turned to side glance at him, popping another small cookie in your mouth, unimpressed by his antics. "You need me to lend you some change, since you're making yourself at home with my stuff.." you slurred out, voice heavy with alcohol, weed and coke.

He chuckled softly, swirling the remaining ice tea in the can around with a smirk.

"Nah. I don't need your change, doll," he replied, taking another sip and wiping his mouth with his hand.

"I was just curious why you were out here on your own, all dressed up. Shouldn't you be at the party?" he questioned, eyeing your outfit up and down slowly.

He chuckled softly, swirling the remaining ice tea in the can around with a smirk.

"Nah. I don't need your change, doll," he replied, taking another sip and wiping his mouth with his hand.

"I was just curious why you were out here on your own, all dressed up. Shouldn't you be at the party?" he questioned, eyeing your outfit up and down slowly.

"Are you following me around?" you wondered out loud, snatching the can of ice tea from his hand to take a long sip yourself.

He smirked, watching you snatch the can away from him, amused by your audacity.

"Me? Following you? Please, don't flatter yourself. I just happened to be out getting smokes and saw you sitting here all alone, looking like a lost puppy." He sniggered, his eyes glinting with mischief.

A small, humorless scoff escaped your lips, eyes fixed on the pavement under your sandals. Your eyesight was blurry around the edges and every sound around you felt muffled in your ears. You seriously weren't in the mood to talk to someone, let alone Rafe Cameron. He was the last person you wanted to see and here he was, sitting beside you on the curb, talking to you casually, "You just-.. you're giving me bad vibes.. Stalker, y'know..?" you muttered under your breath, another cookie following the ice tea after you swallowed it.

He raised an eyebrow, his smirk still on his face as he listened to your slurred words. He knew you were drunk and high out of your mind, and for some reason it was amusing to him.

"Stalker, huh? That's a bit dramatic. I just happened to stumble across your sorry ass, sitting here on a curb, all alone and looking miserable," He replied, his tone teasing and condescending.

"And decided to what, exactly..?" you trailed off, "Join me on the curb..?" you laughed mockingly while you side glanced at him once again.

He chuckled, shaking his head slightly as he leaned back on his palms, looking over at you with a cocky smirk on his face.

"What can I say? I thought you looked lonely." He shrugged, his eyes roaming over your figure once again. "Besides, I've never seen you in a dress before, and I gotta say, the view is pretty nice."

You kept your eyes fixed on his laid back form, quite literally. You were struggling to keep your eyes fully open, yawning momentarily before speaking, "I think you're obsessed with me.." you stated, eyes narrowing behind your glasses as you pointed at him.

He let out a small scoff, his smirk growing at your words. He raised an eyebrow, looking at you with a hint of amusement in his eyes. "Obsessed? With you? Really?" he asked, "I think you overestimate yourself."

He shook his head, a smirk still plastered on his face. "Though I have to admit, you're pretty easy on the eyes. Especially dressed like this."

"Okay.. let's-.." you started, stumbling over your words and pausing to gather your thoughts. "Let's review the facts.. You always bugging me at work.. Took me home last week, and then also slept with me in the gym locker room. And now you're what? sittin' on the curb with me." you let out a genuine laugh, throwing your head back after taking another sip of ice tea.

He watched you with an entertained gaze, his smirk still in place as he listened to you recount the events. He shrugged nonchalantly, as if he wasn't bothered by the fact that he had slept with you in the locker room.

"Guilty on all counts." He smirked, his eyes roaming over your body in that short dress.

Your eyes narrowed even more, your mannerisms more exaggerated and slow due to the alcohol coursing through your veins, "So.. you're admitting to being a stalker, then?" you whispered as if you were telling him a secret.

He tilted his head to the side, his smirk never disappearing from his face, amused by your drunken state. He shook his head, leaning closer to you as if he was telling you a secret of his own.

"Nah, doll.. I'm admitting to just being attracted to you, that's all. I like bugging you, I wanted to get laid, and now I'm sitting here with you because you look like a sad, lost little puppy."

You hummed knowingly, dragging out the sound "But i don't like you like that.. I barely know you, and your dick has been inside of me two separate times.. Can you imagine that?" you ranted, your words growing more slurred and unfiltered. "You're very creepy.." you muttered almost inaudibly, adjusting your glasses clumsily.

A smirk danced across his lips, his amusement growing with each slurred word that left your mouth. He raised an eyebrow at your comment, a hint of annoyance underlying his playful expression.

"Alright, alright... Creepy. Noted." He chuckled, his gaze roaming over your face before landing on your hands, still struggling to adjust your glasses.

He couldn't help but find it endearingly cute, the way your hand kept slipping off your face as you attempted to keep your blurred vision clear, "Here, let me.."

Without warning, Rafe grabbed your chin, tilting your head up so you were looking directly at him. His touch was surprisingly soft as he gently pushed your glasses back on straight, his fingers grazing your skin.

You gently swatted at his hand, snorting in amusement "You don't have to be nice to me.." you blabbered out, seemingly amused by his soft touch and attempt to adjust your glasses for you.

He rolled his eyes, a smirk tugging at his lips as you swatted at his hand. He withdrew it, but still kept his gaze fixed on you. His eyes were glued to your lips for a brief moment before flickering back up.

"Oh really? You'd rather I be mean to you?" he chuckled, his tone teasing and sarcastic.

Your mood seemed to be malleable enough that you switched between giggly drunk to what Rafe could pin point as sad drunk? "No.. i actually need someone to be nice to me tonight.." you whispered again, eyes fluttering closed for a split second. "I just don't understand why.. You're nice to me."

Rafe's heart fluttered at the hint of vulnerability in your voice, his smirk softening for a brief moment. He couldn't quite pinpoint it, but he felt an inexplicable shift in your demeanor...He let out a low sigh, dropping his gaze to the sidewalk in front of him, a hint of guilt and hesitance flickering behind his blue eyes.

"Did i say something bad?" you asked, a small smile tugging at your lips. "Did i finally get you to-.." your statement was cut off by a hiccup "not like me anymore?"

He looked at you, his gaze suddenly shifting from lighthearted to serious. He shook his head softly, a mix of confusion and intrigue in his eyes.

"No.. You didn't say something bad.. It's just-" He let out a heavy breath before continuing, "You actually got me to feel bad for you. It's new territory for me."

You groaned momentarily, again seemingly not pleased with the fact that Rafe seemed to be feeling bad for you. "Hey, that makes..." you paused, trying to find your words or figure out the exact correct form of whatever statement you were struggling to say, "That makes two of us.."

Rafe raised an eyebrow at your words, his confusion becoming more prominent. He chuckled softly, a hint of curiosity sparking within him.

"What do you mean 'that makes two of us'? Don't tell me you also feel bad for me.."

Your confusion mirrored his, doubled by being in your inebriated state "No. Like.. i also feel bad for myself." you snorted in amusement, finding it funny that he didn't understand what you were trying to say. As if you weren't completely shit faced, sitting on a curb at 2 am.

He scoffed at your bluntness, his smirk now back in place. He couldn't help but find your honesty endearing, despite your current state of intoxication. He shook his head, a scoff of disbelief leaving his lips.

"Wow.. You're something else, y'know that? You're sitting here, all cute, drunk, and stoned, trying to feel sorry for yourself."

"I'm not trying.. i feel sorry for myself." you stated, your hazy gaze dropping to your sandals, fidgeting with the belt around your ankle securing it. "Like.. This might be my life. Stuck with a pushover of a mom who lets her boyfriends do.. anything to me, while i escape that bullshit by getting shitfaced, y'know?" your small question at the end to casual, as if you weren't ranting drunkenly. "I don't even know how i ended up, not a pushover. Because my mom is one.."

His smirk faltered, replaced by a look of almost concern and...pity? He shook his head, processing your words, your words slowly registering in his mind as you spoke more. He was taken aback by your honesty, your drunken state seemed to be lowering the wall you'd usually put up between the two of you.

"Jesus.. Doll. You really know how to make things damn depressing, huh?" His tone was still teasing but lacked the usual sarcastic edge.

A snort left your nose as you smiled bitterly, your shoulders deflating in a tired manner, the laugh escaping your lips was almost cynical. You reached for the can of ice tea again, gulping the rest of the contents like a dehydrated man running across a desert. "Yea. I kinda have a knack for being a complete bummer."

Rafe chuckled softly again, shaking his head at your self-deprecating humor. He watched you down the rest of the ice tea, his eyes lingering on the way your throat bobbed as you swallowed.

"Can't say I'm surprised. You're the textbook definition of a downer sometimes, doll." He teased, a small smirk tugging at the corners of his lips.

You let out another bitter chuckle at his words. You couldn't believe what your life got to be. You were sitting on a curb in the front of a corner store venting to Rafe Cameron out of all people in your life. You were too talented at reaching new levels of rock bottom. "You barely know me personally.." you shook your head, still fidgeting with buckle on your sandals.

He rolled his eyes, a mixture of irritation and fascination crossing his features. He leaned back on his palms, raising an eyebrow at your words. He scoffed softly, his mouth turning upwards into another smirk.

"Oh please. I don't need to know you personally, Doll. I can already tell you're a complete buzzkill with a sad backstory. You just seem like the type.." his tone was teasing, but still held a hint of curiosity.

You couldn't help but roll your eyes, your irritation growing as Rafe continued with his observations. You weren't sure what was more annoying, his arrogant smirk or his condescending remarks.

"Well, I guess you got me all figured out then, huh? The buzzkill with the tragic backstory." You muttered sarcastically, a hint of vulnerability in your eyes.

He chuckled softly at your retort, noticing your not so subtle signs of vulnerability. Rafe couldn't help but find your annoyance amusing, but also somewhat endearing. He rolled his eyes in mock offense.

"Oh please, I'm just stating the obvious. You make it far too easy to figure you out, doll.." He smirked and leaned closer, his eyes scanning your face intently.

The look on your face soured as he continued to address you as doll, not backing down when he leaned in closer, "You're not hard to read either, country-club. You're a snobby coke addict with daddy issues.." you mumbled, a small smirk pulling at your lips.

His smirk faltered, replaced by a mixture of surprise and irritation. He chuckled bitterly, narrowing his eyes at you. The fact that you had the audacity to throw his flaws back at him caught him off guard. It was almost refreshing, in a messed up way..

"And yet, unlike you, I don't spend my nights moping around and feeling sorry for myself.." He retorted, his tone harsh and mocking.

You let out another genuine, drunk laugh at his retort. "Wow, you're a functional fuck-up. My bad for moping in your presence.." you teased sarcastically, your words slurred and mocking, dripping with condescension.

He clenched his jaw, his irritation growing with each of your quips. He had to admit, there was something captivating about your feistiness, even in your drunken state.

"Oh, forgive me for being a 'functioning' human being. Sorry if my life's not a complete shitshow. Unlike some people.." he retorted, his words sharp and bitter.

You shrugged casually, reaching up to try and adjust your glasses once again and not succeeding "You're acting as if I'm forcing you to sit here with me.." your words were followed by a small, humorless scoff.

He rolled his eyes, a mix of annoyance and something else flashing through his gaze.

"I could get up and leave at any minute, y'know.. But I figured I'd make sure you didn't pass out here and die on the curb.." he retorted, his tone slightly softer.

He watched as you struggled with your glasses again and this time, he couldn't help the slight smirk that crept onto his lips.

"Maybe i wanna die..." you leaned in whispering with a smirk, mirroring his expression.

A shadow of concern passed over his face before he quickly masked it with a scoff, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Jesus Christ doll, you really do know-how to be a complete bummer, huh?" He couldn't hide the hint of worry in his tone, masking it with a smirk.

"I'm just being honest." you responded with another forced laugh, your gaze dropping down to the sidewalk. The alcohol and coke had made you bold, and you were barely thinking before the words left your mouth. "It's not like I'm living THE life.."

His scoff turned into a bitter scoff, hearing the honesty in your voice. He couldn't help but be a little taken aback. He leaned back onto his palms, staring at you with a mix of annoyance and curiosity.

"Trust me, doll. No one thinks you're living the good life right now. You're practically a walking cautionary tale." His words were sharp, but there was a hint of concern lurking behind his blue eyes.

Your eyes narrowed in curiosity once again, turning to the side to look at him quizzically "Seriously, why are you here? It's not like you to hang around with pogues my calibre.." you asked, honesty dripping from your curious words despite your state.

Rafe's smirk twisted into a sly grin as he heard your question, he was slightly impressed that despite your drunken state, you managed to ask the question he'd been avoiding all night. He shrugged nonchalantly, pretending to be nonchalant.

"Oh, don't flatter yourself. I'm just bored. Plus, you're not exactly bad company.." he teased, his eyes roaming over your figure again, making no effort to hide his appreciation.

You smiled a little at his words about you not being bad company, reaching up to pinch his cheek teasingly "Aww, you think so? You just called me a buzzkill though.." you mumbled, letting your hand drop back into your lap.

He chuckled, unable to resist a smirk at your teasing. He shrugged casually, his demeanor changing to a more relaxed one.

"Yeah, you're a buzzkill. And yet, here I am, willingly sitting in your presence.." he teased back, a hint of sincerity behind his words.

"That's very cute.. it's like you have a crush on me.." you continued to tease him, ruffling his dirty blonde hair.

Rafe rolled his eyes, his smirk growing into a grin at your tease. He swatted your hand away from his hair, chuckling softly.

"Nah.. My standards are a lot higher than you.." he retorted, his comment more playful than harsh, his gaze still fixated on you.

"Didn't you say i was your type back at the gym before we hooked up?" you asked, throwing his own words back at him, retracting your hand once again.

He couldn't help but smile at the memory, his expression turning into a sly smirk.

"What can I say? My standards are flexible.." he chuckled, his gaze roaming over your figure again. His eyes lingered on your exposed thighs in the short dress, his face turning slightly smug.

You watched him blankly before nodding slowly, turning your gaze away. Your hazy eyes wandered around the parking lot of the corner store, eyes flicking up to study the starry night sky and the moon. "I don't have standards.." you mumbled after a few good silent moments, a small chuckle following the words.

He raised an eyebrow at your statement, a smirk tugging at his lips. He chuckled softly, his gaze fixed on you.

"No standards, huh? That explains why you're sitting here with me right now.." he teased, unable to resist the chance to mock you a little.

You whipped your head around to snort in amusement "Is that a self deprecating joke?" you asked.

He shrugged, a sly smirk playing on his lips. "Maybe I'm just the best of a bad bunch.." he joked, taking the opportunity to tease you yet again.

You rolled your eyes with a smirk. You were currently enjoying whatever was happening right now, especially since you weren't stuck sitting on this curb alone. But your expression soured as soon as you thought about having to walk home and deal with your mother's scolding about how drunk and fucked up you were.

Rafe, being perceptive enough to notice the shift in your mood, raised an eyebrow at you. His smirk faded slightly, replaced by a look of mild concern.

"What's with the sudden frown? You look like you just ate something sour.." he asked, his tone slightly gentler than usual.

You groaned quietly, letting your head drop atop your knees, "I don't wanna go home.." you mumbled quietly, your words growing more slurred and quiet.

He furrowed his eyebrows, the pieces of the situation falling into place in his mind. He didn't need much effort to guess why you didn't want to return home.

"Your momma gonna give you hell for getting smashed, huh?" he asked, his voice slightly softer than usual.

You nodded into your knees, a hint of shame and embarrassment crossing your face. You lifted your head to look at him, your eyes slightly wide and glossy from the drunkenness, your mind focused on the sounds around you, the occasional passing car or the sounds of the night, the sounds from corner store behind you both..

He observed you, seeing the embarrassment and shame mixed with your drunkenness. He frowned lightly, taking in the way your eyes seem to glaze over, losing focus, your mind wandering off somewhere he couldn't follow.

He cleared his throat.

"What's so bad about going home? I'm sure mommy dearest can't be that bad.." he tried to say nonchalantly, not wanting to seem too concerned.

"Trust me, it is that bad.." you looked down, emphasizing the word 'that'.

He raised an eyebrow at your emphasis, his gaze locked on you. He could sense the seriousness behind your words, curiosity now piqued.

He leaned closer, his tone more serious than it had been all night.

"How bad can it be, doll? What's going on at home?" he asked, his words surprisingly gentle.

You shifted your gaze away from the pavement again to lock eyes with Rafe as he leaned closer, falling silent. You let out a weak, humorless chuckle, staring at him almost blankly since your vision was hazy and unfocused behind your glasses.

He kept his gaze locked, waiting for you to elaborate on your situation at home. He could sense the hesitation in your reaction, it was like you were weighing your options on whether or not to tell him. He leaned even closer, his expression slightly concerned, his hand gently placing itself on top of your thigh.

"C'mon doll.. what's going on at home?" he repeated, his voice soft yet persistent.

"Why should i tell you? Just so you can make fun of me when I'm sober?" you asked quietly. Your words were just as soft and unsure despite them sounding snarky. Your face twisted into a small, sad frown at his question and at the thought of what exactly was going on at home.

He rolled his eyes, a smirk dancing on his lips.

"Please, I'm not that cruel.. I think.." he retorted with a scoff, his smirk fading slightly as he saw the sadness settling across your face.

He sighed, rubbing soothing circles on your bare skin. He couldn't help but notice how soft and warm you felt under his fingertips.

You looked down at his hand on your thigh, your frown melting into an unreadable expression at the soft and soothing touch coming from the one and only Rafe Cameron. You looked back up at him, sighing before speaking "My mother is a coward of a woman.." you muttered simply, settling on a simple statement although you had a million of thoughts and things you wanted to say but couldn't due to being too drunk and high.

He raised his eyebrow again at your statement, his fingers subconsciously tracing patterns into your skin as you spoke. He was intrigued, but also confused.

"A coward, huh? How so?" he asked, his voice lowered, still stroking your thigh.

You chuckled as if that question was awfully funny, as if you weren't gonna talk about your problems with your mother, with one of the people who was supposed to care the least. Your finger traced one of the many rings adorning his fingers resting on your thigh, studying each and every single one. These were probably more expensive than all the tacky jewelry you owned combined. "She just is.. Caring about men more than caring about your own daughter is cowardly.."

He watched as you traced his rings, his hand never faltering from its' movements on your thigh even though he was curious about your fascination with his rings.

He hummed, noticing the disdain in your tone.

"So your mama puts her man over you, huh...?" he murmured, his thumb gently tracing the skin on your thigh.

You nodded, your face expressionless as ever as you spoke; "And if she's not, she's either passed out, fighting with whoever man she brought over or just sitting on the couch watching tv and ignoring my existence." You spoke coldly, your voice slightly flat. Your eyes flicked up to meet his gaze for a brief moment before dropping back down to the rings. "Cool rings.." you mumbled, still tracing one of the rings mindlessly, trying to get the conversation to shift to something more casual than what it was right now.

He took notice of your attempt to change the conversation, his gaze following yours as you stared at his rings. He chuckled softly at the compliment, deciding to indulge your attempt to shift the subject.

He smirked, glancing down at his hand on your thigh, his eyes flickering back up to your face.

"Thanks doll... These cost a pretty penny."

Your stomach continued to flutter as he didn't remove his hand from your thigh, the touch too casual and intimate for your relationship or level of knowing each other. You pushed the feelings arising as best as you could while being completely smashed, reaching up to try and adjust your glasses "I bet.." you chuckled almost awkwardly, locking eyes with him, one of the sides of his face illuminated by the lights coming from behind him from the convenience store's signs.

He watched as you struggled to adjust your glasses once again, his hand squeezing your thigh almost softly as he took you in, admiring the way the light illuminated your features. You were like a vision he couldn't quite grasp.

He inhaled deeply, his eyes refusing to leave yours as he spoke in a soft tone.

"You look pretty."

His words coupled with his still lingering touch almost flustered you to being sober. Your eyes never lef hist blue ones, a small flicker of amusement flashing over your face in attempt to calm down. This was Rafe, not some guy flirting with you at a party (which he was before.) The two of you were sat on a curb in front of a random corner store at two am. You probably looked the opposite of pretty, your makeup most definitely didn't survive the party and your hair was a mess. Pretty was far from what you'd describe yourself as. "That's funny.." you tried to joke weakly, your words coming out more jumbled than you wanted them to.

He rolled his eyes at your response, a small smirk grazing his lips as he took in your drunken state. He gently reached across to fix a strand of hair that was stuck to your face, his touch surprisingly tender.

"I'm not kidding.. you always look pretty.. it's stupid..." he muttered, his hand absentmindedly rubbing soft circles on your thigh again

Rafe was using the fact that you were shitfaced drunk to his absolute advantage, knowing you wouldn't remember anything he said when you woke up in the morning.

Which you noticed, at least a little bit. Enough to let out a small, flustered laugh at his muttered words, your hand landing on top of his mindlessly, "That's actually funny.." you mumbled back, giggling drunkenly. "You actually like me.."

He raised an eyebrow, hearing your drunken giggles. He chuckled softly, watching as you placed your hand on top of his on your thigh, your touch feeling like fire on his skin.

He leaned in closer, his eyes fixed on yours. "What if I do like you..?" he teased, his tone slightly cocky as always with a tinge of truth behind his words.

You leaned in too, your expression mischievous as you scooted even closer on the curb "What if i don't like you? I'm still stuck in the chapter where we hate each other.." you whispered softly, reaching up to adjust your glasses clumsily once again, drunken giggles and hiccups escaping your lips.

He watched you closely, a smirk tugging at his lips as he watched you drunkenly attempt to adjust your glasses yet again. He let out a low chuckle, his eyes fixated on your face.

He leaned back slightly, his hand still on your thigh, his grasp tightening ever so slightly.

"Yeah right... you don't hate me and we both know that..." he retorted, his expression turning smug.

"Yeah.. i mildly dislike you.." you shook your head, looking back down at his hand, your brain going back to studying his rings.

He chuckled, noticing your gaze on his rings again. He enjoyed the way you seemed enamored with his materialistic jewelry.

He smirked as you responded, a hint of cockiness in his tone. "Just mildly dislike... wow, doll I'm honored."

You leaned in closer, as if you were telling him a government secret once again, "But don't tell that to 'sober me' she still hates your guts.."

He couldn't help but smirk wider, his hand slightly squeezing your thigh again at your words. He leaned closer, your face mere inches from his.

"I see how it is.. so sober you hates me, huh? What does drunk you think of me..?"

You breathed out softly as he leaned in even closer, your noses almost brushing. You pressed your lips in a thin line, his expensive cologne and smell of cigarettes smoke clouding your drunk and hazy brain, "Dunno.. you make her kind of nervous and anxious by being all sweet and nice.." you murmured.

His smirk only widened, his gaze fixed on your now pursed lips. He couldn't deny that he was enjoying the way you reacted. He could see the effect he was having on you and it was making him cocky. He leaned in closer, his nose brushing against yours, his breath tickling your skin.

"Nervous and anxious huh? Doll, I'm always nice..." he countered, his voice soft and velvety against your ear.

You shoved at his shoulder gently, rolling your eyes with a smile, "Stop.. you're just taking advantage of me being drunk.." you scolded even though there was no malice behind the slurred words.

He chuckled, enjoying you trying to scold him despite your drunken state. He leaned back slightly, his eyes never leaving yours.

"Says the one who hasn't stopped staring at my rings all night" he quipped back, his hand tracing patterns on your thigh, slightly higher than what was appropriate.

You shook your head in mock innocence, swallowing as he moved his hand higher, skin gliding against your soft one. In your state his rings and hand looked so... good? No, that wasn't the word. Maybe sexy. Not that either. Maybe it was aesthetic. "I'm a material girl.." you mumbled, placing your own hand atop of his to stop its wandering. "I'm not gonna sleep with you while being smashed.." you warned softly.

He chuckled, his smirk turning smug as he noticed you stopping his hand from going higher. He let out a low hum, his eyes roaming your face, his focus completely on you.

"Don't worry doll... you're way too smashed and I'm not that much of a dick" he reassured, his gaze drifting down to your thighs, visible as your dress rode up higher than it probably should've, his breath hitching for a second at the sight of the exposed skin.

"I can let you kiss me once though.." you teased, your voice as soft and velvety as it could be while like this. Your narrowed eyes were watching the side of his face to see if he was biting your pathetic drunken bait.

He raised an eyebrow, pretending to look unfazed and nonchalant even though he was slightly taken aback, a small smirk tugging at his lips.

"Let me kiss you, huh? Doll, you're being awfully generous.."

"Well, since you're obsessed with me.. I figured i might do something good tonight.." you chuckled, smiling sweetly at him, eyes crinkling at the corners behind your glasses.

He rolled his eyes, his smirk widening, his hand still gripping your thigh ever so slightly.

"Oh, so you're doing me a favor now, huh? Giving me an opportunity to put my lips on you.." he stated as a fact, his tone playful yet holding some truth behind it.

You leaned in slightly, nose brushing against his cheek a little, "We kissed before right? We slept together 2 times already too, it won't hurt?" you whispered, grinning as you continued to bait him.

He chuckled softly, his gaze flickering to meet yours, your words sending a jolt straight to his gut.

"Yeah doll, we did..." he mumbled softly, his hand gently squeezing your thigh again, his thumb beginning to trace your skin almost absentmindedly.

"And no it won't hurt.."

You chuckled lowly as he fell for it hook, line and sinker. You placed a fleeting kiss on his cheek before pulling back, still grinning to yourself, "It's not normal.. To be this obsessed with me.." you mumbled mockingly.

He couldn't help but smile at your words, his eyes following your movement as you pulled back, the touch of your lips sending a shiver down his spine. He chuckled darkly, enjoying the way you tried to rile him up.

"Nothing about us is normal.." he murmured, his hand moving to the inside of your thigh, thumb tracing circles on your skin.

You swallowed thickly while trying to ignore the tingling in your gut; your thighs squeezing his hand on reflex, your heartbeat speeding up. You were both fully aware that all of this had to do with the excessive amount of alcohol in your system. And yet, the feeling of his hand lingering on your thigh, on that very much sensitive area, was driving you absolutely insane. "You're not normal.. I'm perfectly normal and stable.." you deflected sarcastically, your voice quiet and still slurred, almost inaudible over the sounds of the cars and the convenience store behind you both.

He chuckled again, his grip on your thigh growing more firm as he noticed you squeezing around his hand. He shifted closer, his eyes fixated on your face, taking in every single expression, every little gesture and every single twitch.

"You're about as stable as I am doll.." he retorted, his hand slowly rubbing circles on your thigh. He inched closer, his smirk growing cockier as he could sense your flustered state, how you were trying to keep your breathing steady and your gaze steadier.

For context in case you all wondered you weren't easy. Sleeping with Rafe before, drunk AND sober contributed to how you felt around him. That coupled with the fact that you were just terribly touch deprived didn't mix well with vodka, weed and blow. Rafe was the second guy you slept with since losing your virginity, and you had a small nagging feeling that he was gonna be the only one for a while with your feelings for JJ in the picture. Your hand landed atop of his once again, stopping it once again from sliding up further or kneading your flesh in that way that made you tingle, rolling your eyes in mock annoyance "Don't compare me to you.." you muttered without any hint of malice.

He couldn't help but notice the way you stopped his hand from traveling further up your leg, how you tried to seem annoyed with him even though he could see right through it, your flushed cheeks and shaky voice only feeding his ego and confidence even more. He chuckled softly, his smirk widening, his hand still gripping tightly at your thigh, his thumb tracing circles on the soft skin, sending jolts to the pit of your stomach.

"Why not, doll? Can't handle being compared to me?" he asked, his voice a soft and smooth drawl, his eyes trained on yours.

You shook your head 'no' your touch deprived body still focused on his touch and how it was affecting the growing the pit in your stomach. "You're a horrible, horrible mean man.." you muttered, leaning in to whisper mockingly, breathing grazing his cheek.

He let out a low chuckle as you leaned in, closing his eyes at the feeling of your warmth and breath on his skin. He tightened his grip on your leg, his fingertips digging into your flesh just enough.

"Oh doll, you don't mean that at all-" he whispered back, his voice a soft drawl against your ear.

You breathed out shakily when his grip became just a hint firmer, cutting off his statement, "That feels really nice.." you mumbled, a bit too affected by the simplest touch. You needed to stay away from Rafe when sober and when drunk because you couldn't control yourself on either occasions and you knew he wasn't even taking advantage of you at this point if your body reacted to him that way. A small part of you, the one that wasn't in love with JJ of course, thrived under his attention.

He was enjoying this way more than he should. Your drunken words, your ragged breath, the way your body reacted in such subtle but very obvious ways to even the slightest of his touches, his hand still roaming over your thigh.

He hummed contently when you mumbled under your breath about how it felt nice, a small smirk forming on his face.

"You're just very sensitive, huh?" he asked softly, his hand running higher up, his thumb brushing your inner thigh now, almost teasingly.

"You said you're not that much of a dick to try and sleep with me." you continued muttering, pulling back just slightly to smirk at him.

He chuckled at your words, his gaze flickering to your face, a smirk tugging on his lips despite being called a dick. He looked down at his hand that was now halfway up your thigh, biting his lower lip for a moment, before looking back up at your face and raising his eyebrow at your small smirk.

"Well doll, I'm not" he reassured, his hand slowly sliding back down, to just behind your knee, his thumb tracing over a patch of skin there.

You nodded, letting out a small breath you didn't realize you were holding, smiling sweetly at him before leaning in to press another fleeting kiss on his cheek. You pulled back, obviously amused at the fact that you could be more affectionate due to being plastered. You liked being drunk because you could do a lot of things without feeling remorse or anxiety over them.

He chuckled, amused at the affection you were doling him up in such large amounts. He couldn't deny that he enjoyed every single one of them, the subtle and short kisses, and the way you leaned in closer to him. He looked you up and down, realizing just how affected and out of it you were, your words slurred, your eyelids heavy with intoxication.

He brought his hand up to your face, using his thumb to swipe your lower lip, brushing over your soft, drunkenly flushed skin.

You hummed softly at his touch, leaning into his hand ever so slightly as your brain went absolutely haywire, the alcohol coursing through your veins making you needy for his touch. When his hand pulled back, your lips remained slightly parted, your gaze still locked with his, your thoughts completely blank and fuzzy. You wanted to kiss him. God you wanted to kiss him so badly. You wanted to kiss Rafe Cameron while still sitting on a random curb in a corner store parking lot, and you didn't really mind it at the moment.

He noticed the look in your eyes, the way you leaned into his touch, your expression, the way your body was now inching closer to him. His gaze was fixed on your slightly parted lips, he could see and hear how your breathing had picked up slightly. He could see that you were in a drunken daze, completely hypnotized under the influence of the alcohol and.. him, most likely. He leaned in till your faces were almost nose to nose.

You dropped your forehead on his shoulder gently, letting your eyes flutter closed as you whispered under your breath, more to yourself than for him "You're so pretty, so horrible and i hate you.." you groaned almost like a petulant child, feeling yourself grow more flustered.

He almost huffed out a laugh at your words, his eyes softening as you whispered against his shoulder. He tilted his head gently, his hand coming up to cradle the back of your head, holding you close to him, his touch now slightly more intimate.

"I hate you too, doll-" he murmured back, leaning his cheek on the top of your head, his hand gently scratching the back of your neck as his nose grazed your temple when he tilted his head slightly.

You hummed, nodding against his shoulder mindlessly, "That's good then.." you continued to mutter.

A chuckle rumbled in his chest as he continued to hold you against him, his hand still gently massaging your neck. He found himself amused at your constant muttering about how you hated him.

"Mmhm.. very good." he hummed in agreement, still holding you against him, feeling your warmth and being fully aware that he could snap and kiss you any second now.

He hummed against your head, his cheek pressed against your hair, his eyes closed as he inhaled deeply. He felt content, holding you like this, in the middle of a night, outside of some random shop, and yet he didn't care.

"You're going to be so mad at me when you sober up..." he murmured softly, his hand slipping down your neck now, fingers gently tracing patterns across your skin.

Rafe thought you were asleep on his shoulder but despite being slightly sleepy you were registering his words as you leaned into his touch. You were gonna be very mad at him yes. Because he was him and you were you and no amount of alcohol could change that. "I wish you weren't so mean to my friends.. maybe I'd like you then.."

He chuckled again, the sound deep and velvety, his hand rubbing your back in slow, gentle circles now, his thumb tracing your spine. He knew what you meant and he couldn't stop himself from replying back to your drowsy rambling.

"Mm.. you think so?" he hummed, his voice low and smooth against your ear, his lips grazing your hair.

You nodded slowly, burrowing your head further into his shoulder, your voice still slurred and quiet, your words coming out soft against his shoulder.

"Yeah.. you're too mean to them.." you mumbled, your brain feeling heavy and fuzzy, but not too much to stop thinking about just how much you wanted to kiss him. "..i shouldn't want to kiss you.." you continued, letting out a soft sigh. In your current state you couldn't fight Rafe or your need to be close to him. "Mm.. and you're so pretty now.. it's unfair.." As if to emphasize your point you rubbed your face against his shirt, rubbing yourself against him like a cat.

He found himself completely taken back by your words, his breathing slightly quickening, his hand still gently tracing your back as you nuzzled into his shoulder. He knew you wouldn't remember any of this later and yet he still found himself being so close to losing it right here, right now, outside in a random parking lot, your face rubbing against the side of his neck.

"Yeah dolly, life's unfair-" he mumbled against your hair, his touch slightly more possessive as he held you close.

Your soft sighs and the way you were rubbing your face against him was like gasoline to an already raging fire. It took every bit of self control in him to not lose it completely. You were just drunk and rambling, he repeated that to himself over and over like a damn mantra. He could kiss you right now, and you'd like it - hell, you'd probably prefer it. But he could never do that right now, and he knew that. He just couldn't take advantage like that.

He knew something was a bit.. wrong. He didn't know what you took, and despite your insists on the fact that he was obsessed with you he barely noticed you at the party. Or so he liked to tell himself. It was hard to keep his eyes away from you when you were stumbling around the kook parties looking so obviously out of place. But he'd seen you drunk, hell he even slept with you when you were drunk before. But you weren't this smashed. Your filter was almost gone and you were way too malleable and your words too slurry.

But here he was, holding you like he was scared you'd slip away from his grip, trying to piece together what you took and how much of it you took in. He just knew it was more than alcohol for you to be this out of it, to have your walls come down so easily. He knew you'd never allow this much affection otherwise, and as much as he liked you, he wasn't the type to take advantage of you just because you were like this.

He pulled back just enough to look over your face, but still close enough to feel your breath on his skin. His expression was unreadable as he gently lifted your face up to look at him. His gaze flickered over your face, noticing the slightly dazed expression and the glassy look in your eyes from all the substances in your system.

"Dolly.. What did you take?" he asked, his voice gruff, low and filled with concern.

You sighed softly as he took your face in his big hands, rings pressing slightly into your warm cheeks. You lost the string of events after talking to a guy at a party. He was hovering near you for 20 minutes, clearly trying to sleep with you, going as far as offering you a drink, which you took. And drank. Which from party etiquette, and as a girl at a party- you weren't supposed to do. "I dunno.. The last thing i remember drinking was this black Russian, this guy made for me.." you chuckled weakly as you focused on the color of his eyes in the dim light flickering from the sign to his side.

He bit the inside of his cheek as you spoke, his gaze still fixed on your face, searching for any signs of discomfort or uneasiness.

"That's all you drank? Just that one drink?" he asked, his grip on your face tightening just a tad bit, his thumb gently brushing against your cheek. He felt his chest get tight at the thought of someone trying to take advantage of you.

You nodded slightly, enjoying the way he was cradling your face in his hands "It tasted strange though.. i don't think the dude knew how to make a black Russian.." you snorted as if it was funny and you weren't potentially just revealing that your drink might've been spiked.

He felt his irritation grow, his jaw clenching as you mentioned the drink tasting strange. He let out a low growl of irritation as he lifted his eyes to look around, scanning the area as if he could possibly find the guy who spiked your drink. He snapped his gaze back to you, his face filled with anger.

"God damn it- that mother fu-" he started, his grip on your face tightening as he tried to keep his anger in check.

He felt angry, for many different reasons, but mostly he was just so goddamn frustrated. You looked so fragile like this, completely in a daze and vulnerable, and all he could do was stare at you, holding your face in his big, ring covered hands, making sure none of the men walking in an out of the store had eyes on you. His gaze wandered down to your lips, taking note of how parted they were, and he wondered if he could kiss you right now. The idea almost felt tantalizing enough to lose the last strand of self control he had left.

You tilted your head in his hold as if it was filled with lead, supporting it in his hold. The flashes of cold kept rocking your body, switching from being too hot to too cold. "I'm kinda cold.. and my feet hurt from these heels.." you muttered, letting your eyes flutter for a second.

His expression softened as you mumbled against his hold, your words barely making sense to him. He noticed you shivering, your body shifting slightly as if to escape the coldness.

"I know dolly.. I know-" he murmured back, his thumb gently rubbing against your cheek, his gaze still fixed on you, his tone dropping. He let out a silent curse at the sight of those damn heels you were wearing.

He looked around for a brief moment, his brain working on a plan that would somehow provide some level of comfort to you. He quickly let go of your face, dropping his hand to your shoulders instead, his hand slipping down to your arm.

"C'mon, let's at least get you away from the store, doll.." he murmured, his voice soft despite the irritation he was feeling. He gently pulled you to your feet.

You slumped against his side, wrapping one arm around his neck for support. Your head fell lazily over his shoulder, glasses almost slipping from your face. "My feet hurt so bad i don't wanna walk home.." you groaned slightly as he made an attempt to drag you to his black SUV parked further into the parking lot. You were obviously not cooperating, seeing as you were barely dragging your legs, heels scraping against the pavement.

He had to admit you were being so damn stubborn, but he was being patient, and it was taking some serious restraint to not pick you up and just carry you like a damn princess to his car. His irritation flared up at your stubborn whining, but he clenched his jaw and held it in.

He wrapped an arm around your waist, his grip tight around you as he helped you walk towards his car.

Your heels continued to resist against the rough pavement as if you had never walked a day in these things, whimpering quietly, "Please Rafe, i don't wanna walk home."

His irritation rose once more, his jaw clenching at you refusing to walk at all now. He gritted his teeth, fighting down the urge to actually pick you up in his arms, knowing that you'd actually hate that.

"For the love of god dolly, quit being so damn stubborn-" he muttered under his breath.

You came to a stop, stabilizing yourself enough to raise your head from his shoulder. Your face was twisted into a frown, pain etched across your features along with the dazed expression on your face.

He let out a heavy sigh, his hand still on your waist as he looked down at you.

"What are you doin', huh? Just stop complaining and come on-" he muttered, his tone stern, his grip on you slightly tightening.

"Can you carry me?" you cut him off, lip sticking out slightly. Of course, sober you would never, and i mean NEVER ask Rafe to carry you. But it tracked seeing as you were drunk, high and had a spiked drink.

He let out another heavy sigh, his irritation mixing with slight surprise at your words. He studied your face for a brief moment, your lip stuck out like a goddamn pouting child, and he wondered if he heard you right.

"Come again, doll?" he questioned, raising an eyebrow.

You stared at him silently, still frowning. You looked like a mess, more than Rafe had ever seen you before in the short span of time knowing you. Glasses askew on your face, makeup slightly smeared, messy hair and a smashed and absolutely beyond drunk expression.

He felt his irritation melt away at the sight of you like this, his gaze flickering over your face, taking in the messy hair, the smeared make up and those stupid damn glasses that were still somehow on right. His eyes dropped down to your face, your parted lips, and he resisted the urge to just lean over and kiss you right now.

He let out a long slow breath, his hand still gripping your hip, the words slipping past his lips before he could stop them.

"Come here, doll."

You let out a small noise of acknowledgment at his words, your sluggish brain not registering just how oddly soft he sounded. You took a step closer, leaning against him, your hand slipping around his neck and clinging on weakly.

He huffed slightly as you leaned against him, the warmth of your body against his making everything go fuzzy. He wrapped one arm around your waist, the other moving around your legs. His breath hitched, the contact of your body against his sending a shiver down his spine.

He wrapped his arms around your thighs, hoisting you up in a fluid motion.

You let out a small grunt as he lifted you up in his arms easily bridal style. You let your head slump against his chest as you wrapped both of your arms around his neck. You dangled your legs in the air gently as if this was casual and the most normal thing ever, humming. "Wow.. you're so strong.." you mumbled, grinning to yourself, and Rafe wasn't sure if you were mocking him or just blabbering in your drunken state.

He chuckled softly at the sound of your words, your head slumping against his chest, your legs dangling in the air, being held by him effortlessly. He couldn't help but smirk slightly at your drunken comment, his ego preening just a little bit.

"Yeah dolly, I am." he mused, his tone smug as he started walking towards his car, carrying you like you weighed nothing.

You raised your head slightly, eyes fixed to the side of his face "I've always wanted a guy to carry me like this.." you chuckled softly, dangling your legs from time to time, your words proving to Rafe that you were in fact not teasing him; and you actually thought that he was strong and weren't against this. At least in this state of yours.

He let out a soft laugh, his smirk growing a bit bigger, a spark of something igniting in his chest at your words. He's never heard something like this from you before and part of him felt almost pleased that you noticed his strength, his ego inflating further.

"Yeah doll? Wanted a guy to carry you like this huh?" he questioned, his tone soft and smug, a hint of teasing mixed in as he reached his car.

He gently set you down on the passenger seat, buckling you in effortlessly. Then he quickly rounded the car, opening the drivers door and getting in. The doors locked and the car started up, warm air slowly flooding out of the vents, filling the inside of his car. He turned to you, his gaze running over the sight of you slumped in the passenger seat. You looked so out of place in his car, the sight making his heart do backflips in a way he never thought it could. Your powder blue dress standing out the black interior, your disheveled appearance a stark contrast to the tidy car. "Your car is so, so nice country-club.." you whispered in something that looked like awe, looking around at the lit up dashboard.

He let out a huff of a chuckle, watching you look over the interior of his car through hooded eyes. You looked so out of place yet perfectly in place at the same time. It was almost a little surreal to see you like this. Soft and malleable and vulnerable and not yelling at him. Just rambling and sleepy in his passenger seat.

"Yeah doll? You like it?" he questioned, pulling out of the parking lot now, one hand on the wheel, his gaze flickering over to you now and then.

"You never take me for drives.. Do you not like me enough?" you asked scowling, fidgeting with your seat belt buckle mindlessly.

He grunted softly, his gaze flickering from the road to you, a smirk creeping up on his face at the question. You looked so cute, with your scowl and messy hair and those damn glasses.

"I don't take anyone for drives doll, I like my alone time, remember?" he said, chuckling softly as he shifted his focus back to the road.

You hummed as if you knew that he liked alone time and that he liked to go on drives alone. You didn't know. Of course you didn't. It wasn't like you and Rafe knew things about each other aside from disliking one another when sober. Whatever you got spiked with was definitely very strong and Rafe wasn't exactly sure what would have happened to you if he wasn't the one that found you. "What about me?" you whined quietly, eyes now fixed on the passing streetlights out the passenger window.

He heard the whine in your voice and he knew exactly what you were asking. A smirk crossed his face at your question, as his head filled with thoughts about all the times he'd wanted to spend time with you but just never knew how. His grip on the wheel tightened slightly as he mulled over his words, his gaze flickering to you through the corner of his eye.

"I've never said I didn't like you, dolly.." he responded, his voice quiet yet firm, his gaze fixing on the road ahead once more.

You hummed knowingly once again, still fidgeting with the seatbelt strap. "You just have such a nice car.. It's a shame you drive in it alone.." you pointed out softly, chuckling to yourself.

He let out a low chuckle, his grip on the steering wheel tightening just a little as he shot you another quick glance. You were too goddamn right.

"Yeah.. I never had anyone I really wanted to share it with.." he responded, his voice soft, admitting more than what he should've.

You slumped your head against the headrest of your seat, yawning slowly "How come? You have so many friends and you're so rich.. What about girls? Girls want you to take them on rides right?" you slurred out, sleep already threatening to consume you. Which you tried to fight off.

He chuckled softly again, his mind flashing through the many girls who came and went in his life, none really special, not to him at least. But he knew you'd never understand that. Hell, he knew you'd never even listen. He shook his head slightly before replying.

"Yeah sure doll, there are girls who want drives. But they're not the kinda girls I'd want in my car." he muttered, his gaze fleeting over to you again.

You chuckled softly, reaching up to adjust your glasses on your face, still slumped out on your seat "What kinda girls you'd want in your car, then?" you asked Rafe, your voice still carrying a hint of amusement despite the tiredness swirling around in your brain.

He was silent for a moment, his expression growing thoughtful as he thought over your question, the sound of the night and the car driving filling the air. The silence dragged on, and he couldn't tell where his honesty came from.

He looked at you again, his eyes lingering on your profile. Your hair was tousled and your glasses were askew. Yet, to him, you looked beautiful in all your messy, vulnerable state.

"I don't know.." he murmured, his voice rough and quiet, his gaze flickering back to the road, his mind racing with conflicting thoughts about you. He was used to his own company, to living life his way.

But there was something about you, about seeing you like this. Soft and delicate and quiet. And he found himself wishing that he could see you like this more often. Wishing that he could spend more time with you, just talking and being together instead of annoying and being mad at each other for no apparent reason.

You hummed quietly once again, eyes still closed. Despite that you were seemingly mulling over his answer, as bleak and simple as it was. "I mean.. I get that. I'd never actually thought about what type of guy i like.. Given I've liked JJ my whole life, almost.." you confessed to Rafe under your breath, the words slipping out easily. More than easily than they would've if you were sober.

His mouth curled into a grin as he digested your words, his gaze still fixed on the road. He was almost shocked as he listened to what you were saying, your confession so nonchalant and casual that it almost caught him off guard. He found himself curious, his voice soft in the quiet of the car.

"JJ, huh.." was all he said, his eyes shifting back to the road, his knuckles white on the wheel as his mind ran through the details of your confession.

You sighed softly, a slight hint of sadness present in your otherwise dazed voice. The effect of the unknown substance was slowly wearing off but your inhibitions, however, were still not at full capacity. "But it's just stupid.. because he'll never love me back.." The words slipped out of your mouth as you murmured, and Rafe heard every syllable.

He felt his heart clench in his chest at the sadness in your voice, his grip on the wheel tightening just a little as he tried to keep his composure. The thought of you, loving someone who couldn't love you back, stirred up a feeling inside of him that he couldn't understand in all its intensity. He felt his throat go dry and he licked his lips, trying to find the right words to say.

He wanted to say so goddamn much. He felt his brain and heart racing with all the things he wanted to say to you. He wanted to say that you deserved better, that JJ was a idiot if he didn’t realize what he was missing out on, wanted to tell you that he was the one who deserved you maybe, or that you just deserved better all together.

But all the words were stuck in his throat and all that came out were a quiet, soft.

"I'm sorry dolly..."

Your eyes fluttered open, watching the side of his face as he drove, his features illuminated by the dashboard lights softly. "It's okay.. He has a girlfriend anyway.." you scoffed almost bitterly, wanting to reach out to place your hand atop of his on the gearshift, but your limbs felt like they were made out of lead.

He felt your gaze on him, and he resisted the urge to look at you properly, scared of what he might let on or say if he did. He hated to hear the bitterness in your voice, his mind swimming with all the things he would do to ease your pain at the thought of JJ and his goddamn girlfriend.

His knuckles were white on the steering wheel, his jaw clenching slightly. He wondered why he was feeling so much, why your words and the sight of you like this were so goddamn infuriating.

You slumped down in your seat, head lolling against the headrest of the seat. Your eyes fixed on the side of his face, and you could feel tears prickling behind your eyes, suddenly struck by an overwhelming wave of emotions. You felt so vulnerable and broken, yet the presence of him beside you, the way his gaze darkened as you mentioned JJ and Kiara, made you feel something you couldn't put a finger on. "I don't wanna go home.." you muttered, your voice cracking slightly as you spoke.

His grip on the steering wheel tightened at the sound of your voice cracking, his heart sinking in his chest as he felt something heavy settle in his stomach. He hated to hear you sound so broken, the thought of you going home and disappearing from his sight made him feel something he had never felt before.

He let out a heavy sigh, his expression hardening slightly as he replied, his words softer than he had intended. “You don’t wanna go home, dolly?”

You shook your head despite the fact that he couldn't see you, his blue eyes fixed on the quiet road ahead. Of course you didn't wanna go home. The chateau wasn't a good pick either. Even in your state you knew how strange it would be for you to be dropped off by Rafe at the pogues' main hang out spot. And you figured he wouldn't bother driving over there anyway. Not that you were too thrilled on facing your friends like this. You'd deal with all the scolding for disappearing tomorrow. "No.." you muttered, sniffling slightly before adding "I don't wanna face my mom.."

His gaze darkened again, his jaw clenching at the mention of your mother. A whole new level of hatred towards your mother arose within him, remembering the few times he's seen her around town. It was safe to say the woman was the furthest you could get from being mother of the year.

He let out another heavy sigh as he ran through the options, realizing that you were right in assuming that dropping you off at the Chateau was out of the question. The thought of you being alone, vulnerable and in distress didn’t sit right with him.

And then the logical conclusion to his thoughts hit him, his throat going dry. He tried to push the thought of you at his place away, tried to find another solution, any other solution, but nothing popped up in his mind. He felt his heart race at the thought of it, and before he could think twice, the words slipped out of his mouth.

"You can.. stay the night at my place."

A bitter smirk tugged at your lips, letting your eyes flutter closed again, as if you were filled with some kind of shame. As much as your brain could muster "I don't wanna inconvenience you, country-club.."

He huffed in annoyance, his irritation rising at the fact that you still called him 'country-club.' He couldn't believe that even in your current state, you still managed to mock him. He felt a pang of irritation at the idea of you thinking you were bothersome.

"It's not an inconvenience, dolly." he replied, his eyes flickering over to you again, his gaze lingering on your crumpled figure in the seat, looking so damn vulnerable.

The smirk on your face turned into a small almost grateful smile. You never actually managed to grasp why Rafe didn't bother with mocking nicknames like you did. Sure, he slipped an occasional 'trailer park trash' or even 'bartender' in, but it was rare. It was mostly 'dolly', or even 'angel' on special occasions. That always arose questions in your sober mind but you never bothered to ask why. You figured the older Cameron boy addressed every girl that way. Which wasn't entirely true. But you didn't know that, obviously.

"Really?" you asked after a few moments of silence. Who were you to refuse sleeping at his big, snobby house. Especially given you'd have to crash on the beach or even worse at your house otherwise.

His knuckles were still white on the steering wheel as he responded, his heart pounding in his chest for a reason he didn't know.

"Really." he reassured, his eyes flickering over to you again for a beat before they were back on the road in front of him. He was almost surprised at himself, his brain still trying to catch up with his words.

"We're gonna have a sleepover, country-club.." you teased weakly, lolling your head to the side on the seat, still smiling to yourself.

He huffed again, a ghost of a smirk on his face as he couldn't help but feel a little amused by your usual stubbornness.

"Yeah dolly, we're going to have a damn sleepover at my house.." he replied, shaking his head softly with a quiet chuckle.

You chuckled tiredly, feeling like a little kid, looking excited for a sleepover for the first time. You almost couldn't believe how much your moods were changing in the span of minutes. It's like you went from feeling completely miserable and vulnerable to almost giddy with excitement. The thought of JJ and Kiara, your mom or anything else melted away as you focused solely on how weightless your body felt against the leather seat of Rafe's SUV. Your head was spinning and your mouth was watering slightly, indicating you might be sick. But you managed to hold it in, at least until you got out of the car. Hopefully. "That's funny.." you chuckled again, reaching up to fidget with your glasses. "I feel so weird.." you rasped out, growing more dizzy as the numerous substances in your body were starting to fully kick in. Even after trying to sober yourself up with cookies and ice tea back at the corner store.

His expression turned into more of a concerned frown as he noticed how your voice turned slurring again and your body was slumped against the seat, your movements slower and more difficult than usual. He could feel his body tense up, his jaw clenching as he knew the substances were taking their effect.

"Yeah dolly but keep talking to me, okay? Don't fall asleep just yet.." he said, his tone soft but firm.

"I don't even know what to say.." you whispered, your hand moving to rub at your temple, trying to will the dizziness and sickness away.

His eyes flickered over to you as your hand came up to rub at your head, his expression shifting to something of concern and worry.

"Keep talking to me dolly, anything you can think of." he repeated, one of his hands leaving the steering wheel to reach over, his fingers wrapping around your own, gently pulling your hand away from your head.

Your eyes drifted down to his hand wrapped around your wrist, the grip gentle and warm. Not like when someone would grab your wrist to tug you around or to forcefully stop you. "Well.. my brain feels heavy. It's like i can't think.." you breathed out, the sound an attempt at a laugh.

He continued to hold your wrist in a gentle grip, his fingers brushing over the soft skin as you spoke. He could hear the heaviness in your voice, the effort it took you to speak.

"Yeah? Your brain feels heavy huh? Guess I'm the opposite, my mind is running too fast right now.." he chuckled softly, his grip on your wrist tightening just a little, anchoring you in place.

"My brain does that usually.. It's so fucking fast. But right now everything is slow and nice.." you rambled quietly, studying the side of his face intently as he drove, trying to keep yourself awake.

He felt his heart clench as your words sunk in, his expression softening at the way you spoke, so dazed and calm. It was almost like you were a different person, but he knew it was all the substances affecting you.

"Yeah dolly? Your brain is quiet and slow for once? You're usually so goddamn stubborn and fast.. it's kinda cute.." he teased, trying to keep your attention with the conversation.

"I'm not stubborn.." your expression hardened a little, but it melted away instantly, your body continuing to grow more weightless and numb. "God, i feel so weird.."

He chuckled softly, his eyes flickering between the road and you, noticing the way your expression changed with your mood.

"No dolly, you're the most stubborn person I know. But you won't admit that of course.." he smirked slightly, his hand still wrapped around your wrist as he pulled onto the street that lead to his house.

"Do you know a lot of people, Rafe?" you rasped out once again, your voice becoming more and more weak as you fought sleep.

He let out a soft sigh, his expression softening as he heard your weakening voice. He could sense that you were growing tired, fighting to stay awake.

"I don't know many people. Not really, no." he replied, his grip on your wrist tight as they pulled up into the driveway of his house, the familiar sight of the large Camerons house loomed in the distance.

"Why not?" you prodded, glancing down at his hand once again.

His grip on your wrist loosened for a moment, his eyes flickering over to you as you questioned him, his smirk returning to his face.

"Cause I don't like a lot of people Dolly, and people usually don't seem to care about me." he murmured, parking the car in front of the house before shutting off the engine. He took a moment to look you over, his gaze lingering on your tired features.

You laughed weakly, shifting in your seat. "A lot of people care about THE Rafe Cameron. You just wanna seem humble.." you mumbled, now aware that the car had came to a stop.

He huffed out another chuckle as he unbuckled his seatbelt, shifting in his seat to face you. His eyes lingered on your tired form, his voice still soft as he spoke.

"Only assholes care about me dolly, that much is obvious. Trust me, I'm not humble. People just care if I can buy their loyalty.." he stated casually.

You mulled over his answer as if you were able to hold such a deep conversation, your vision going hazy again, "That must be depressing.." you stated, fighting the urge to let your eyes close.

He gave a soft, bitter chuckle at your reply, his expression hardening slightly.

"Yeah, well, it's the life of a rich kid, right? Can't complain." he said, trying to brush off the topic as he got out of the car, making his way to your side.

He pulled your door open and bent down, his gaze fixed on your tired and sleepy eyes.

"Come on, dolly. Gotta get inside" he said, extending his hand for you to take.

You shifted to face him, trying to unbuckle your seatbelt with slow movements. You didn't really make an effort to get out of the seat, not really able to do with how weak your body was growing and with the pain in your feet from the heels. "I still can't walk.." you frowned in shame, sighing.

He rolled his eyes softly, his expression shifting into something more tender. He was used to your stubbornness. And he was well aware of your current condition, knowing damn well that asking you to walk right now was a lost cause.

"Yeah I figured dolly, I'm not asking you to walk" he muttered, leaning in slightly to undo your seatbelt.

Once your seatbelt was undone, he bent down once again, slinging an arm underneath your legs and the other around your back and in one swift motion, lifting you up in his arms, carrying you towards the house once again.

You didn't complain, barely wrapping your arms around his neck for support as your head slumped against his chest. The house was looming over you, your blurry vision making the dark surrounding it scary. "Your house has always been scary.." you mumbled, casting a fleeting glance towards it before letting your eyes close.

He let out a soft chuckle at your words, feeling almost surprised to hear you say something so honest as he crossed the short distance from the car to the front door.

"Yeah? Well, it's not exactly the coziest place." he replied, unlocking the front door as he kept you cradled in his arms, carefully carrying you inside.

He made his way through the dark hallway, the only sound was the sound of his footsteps and your almost heavy breathing. He reached a particular door, pushing his elbow against it, resulting in a click and the door swinging open, revealing his large bedroom.

He carried you inside and slowly placed you down onto the bed. He leaned down to take off your heels, dropping them on the floor as he let himself flop down on the foot-end of the bed. An odd silence befell, a bit of tension filling the air as his gaze lingered on you. He couldn't deny that the sight of you in his bed, looking so vulnerable yet so utterly beautiful, stirred something in him.

Your body relaxed almost instantly once he removed the stupid heeled sandals, the feeling of the soft mattress under your body almost heavenly in your current predicament. Still, your head continued to spin violently, even more now that you were laying down properly. "I need to go to the bathroom.." you rasped out, already feeling your mouth watering and your stomach stir. "But I'm scared of throwing up.." you muttered, despair evident in your words.

He could sense your hesitation and uneasiness, his expression softening as he realized your current predicament. He couldn't help but let out a soft chuckle, knowing damn well you were a goner.

"You'll be fine dolly, don't worry about it. You're pretty wasted anyway.." he said, his voice soft as he stood up, walking over to you, towering over you again, looking down at your figure on the bed.

You struggled to let your eyes open, glancing up at his tall form towering over you on the bed, frown deepening as you continued to grow more scared of throwing up alone, "I don't wanna be alone though.."

He felt a pang in his heart upon hearing your words, something about the vulnerability in your voice made him feel a way he wasn't used to feeling. His expression turning more tender as the frown on your face deepened.

"Hey, look at me.." he murmured softly, his voice quiet and steady as he leaned down, reaching out to cup your face.

You obeyed, forcing your heavy eyes to open lazily, your tired eyes locking with his own. "You won't be alone, dolly. I'll be right here, alright?" he reassured you, his tone still soft as his thumb swiped over your cheek. Your weary eyes fluttered, unable to do anything but nod, the thought of being sick all over yourself alone was enough to make you feel worse.

He nodded in return, his expression gentle and his touch soft as he moved to gently push your messy locks out of your face, noticing how they were sticking to your forehead with sweat. He sat down on the edge of the bed, his gaze never leaving yours as he spoke once more.

"Alright then, stay here. I'm going to get something for you." he said, his hand reluctantly slipping off your cheek, giving your arm a gentle squeeze before retreating from the bed.

He left the bedroom, moving to the bathroom across the hall and opening the cupboard. He fished out a bottle of Tylenol, a roll of paper towels and a glass. He filled the glass with water before returning back to the bedroom.

He re-entered the bedroom, his eyes locking on your tired gaze. You looked miserable, almost fragile. He walked over to you, setting the items on the bed nightstand before sitting down on the edge of the mattress, beside you once again. "Can you sit up a little for me dolly?" he asked, his hand gently reaching down to touch your shoulder.

When you didn't react to him instantly he felt the unfamiliar sting of fear burrow itself in his mind, letting out a small breath of relief when you hummed weakly, fluttering your blown out eyes open to lock onto his. Even though he debated you actually realized who or what you were looking at, at this point. You sat up, every movement feeling like a great effort, limbs heavy, head spinning and stomach continuing to churn as if you were gonna be sick any moment now. "Bathroom.." you mumbled, voice strained.

He could tell you were a goner, your movement clumsy and heavy, your expression laced with discomfort. He watched, his expression hardening in concern as you managed to sit up, only to hear you mutter the word bathroom.

He wasted no time leaning back over to grip your shoulders, hoisting your body up.

"Come on dolly, lean over. I'm gonna help you. You're not gonna be alone, remember? I'm right here.." he reassured softly.

You didn't protest as his strong arms wrapped under your shoulders, lifting you up effortlessly. Your head lolled back, leaning against his chest as he guided you into a standing position. You wobbled slightly, your entire body felt like it was made of lead, but Rafe's arm wrapped around you, keeping you upright. "C'mon, just a little further.."

He helped you take small, clumsy steps, his pace slow and steady, his grip on your body firm and secure, as you made your way into the bathroom. He could feel your body leaning heavily on, your every move sluggish. He could practically sense your stomach churning, your pale and clammy face showing that throwing up was imminent.

Once he turned the light on in the bathroom though your body became alert enough to slump on the floor just in time to throw yourself over the toilet to throw up in it. Your hands clutched the edges of the toilet bowl, heaving out all of the contents in your stomach easily but violently. All the limited food you had that night burning down your throat along with the vodka and whatever substance your drink was spiked with. Even though you felt scared of vomiting, with each heave of your stomach you felt just a little more lighter and sober.

Rafe knelt down next to you, his expression twisted in concern as he held your hair out of the way with one hand, his other rubbing soothing circles on your trembling back. He felt a strange sense of helplessness as he watched you retch, witnessing the discomfort and pain you were going through. The sound of you heaving was painful to hear, but he knew at least that you getting sick would help you feel better eventually.

Finally after some unusually long minutes of retching and heaving you spat the remaining spit in the toilet, the taste on your tongue so bitter and prickly that it made you retch one last time before raising your head slowly. You instantly made eye contact with Rafe, who was knelt beside you, his hand wrapped around your hair securely. You wiped your mouth with the back of your hand, frowning slightly "This is so embarrassing.." you mumbled bitterly.

He continued to rub your back soothingly, offering a small, sympathetic smirk.

"Oh don't be embarrassed dolly, this ain't the first time I've had a girl puking all over my bathroom floor. Doubt it'll be the last." he teased softly, his hand moving the rub your back again, trying to make you feel at least a little better.

You managed to roll your eyes, a small smirk pulling at your lips. You were finally becoming aware of the cold tiles under your knees and the dull pain in your feet from the heels, which were now gone, thank God. His hand was rubbing your back almost awkwardly, and although you sobered up a little you were still fairly out of it. "Usual occurrence huh, country-club?" you asked teasingly.

He chuckled softly at your words, his hand continuing to move in soothing circles on your back. "Yeah, something like that. You're not the first and you won't be the last dolly." he responded, his tone soft and casual, his gaze locking with yours as you were still sitting in front of him, looking at him tiredly. You were a mess, your hair all tangled and your clothes wrinkled, but he would be lying if he said that you didn't look hot even in that position.

"I hope at least I'll leave an impression.." you muttered under your breath, holding his gaze.

He chuckled once again, his eyes lingering on your face, taking in the sight of your tired and weary expression. Despite your disarray and messy dress, you still looked beautiful. He found himself staring for longer than necessary, his hand still rubbing your back with a surprising gentleness. "Oh, dolly, you already have.. you have no idea."

"Great. I can cross that off my bucket list.." your words were sarcastic as you studied him, your brain finally registering his form for the first time that night. His messy hair, his face, like the actual fact that this was Rafe knelt down on his bathroom floor with you. His black polo shirt with smudges of your body glitter on his shoulder and chest from carrying you, probably. If anyone saw you two, he looked like a concerned boyfriend assisting his sick and drunk girlfriend after a night out. Not two people who relatively hated one another, who were also strangers to some extent.

He couldn't help the smirk that spread across his face, his eyes flickering over your features as your gaze lingered on him for a few seconds too long. He knew how this looked, him sitting here, on the bathroom floor with a girl he barely knew, trying to comfort her. If someone walked in to this bathroom right now, they'd be thinking something entirely different than the actual truth. He chuckled again, his hand rubbing your back once more, his touch almost gentle.

He couldn't tear his gaze from your face, the sight of you all messed up and yet so beautiful making something stir in him. He was still knelt on the cold, hard tiles, almost like a loyal dog. He continued to gently move his hand up and down your back, almost as if he was trying to soothe you. "You feelin' a little better dolly?" he asked, his voice soft and almost tender.

You nodded slowly, your breathing finally slowing down as your body relaxed from the heaving and retching you just did. If you were completely sober you'd probably be more embarrassed about what just happened. You wouldn't even be here in the first place. But you figured it tracked, given you and Rafe had slept together 2 times already, and that was 2 too many. "Definitely better... Still a lil' tipsy though.."

He chuckled softly as you nodded, his expression softening.

"Course you are dolly.. You've got booze and drugs fightin' for attention in your system right now, it'd take a miracle to get you completely sober."

You let out a genuine laugh at his words, studying his expression closely. At some point in the walk to the bathroom he must've taken off your glasses because your vision was still blurry despite sobering up a little. And you couldn't feel their weight on your face. Rafe had such a strange expression on his face. One that you never saw on his face before. The usual smugness and.. well, unstableness dripping from his every feature gone. He simply looked (and stood on the tiled floor with you) like a concerned person, worrying for the well being of another person. With your last memory floating around your hazy brain being drinking a black russian that wasn't made by yourself, you could only assume what followed was you leaving the party to walk to the corner store while being spiked. In heels nonetheless. How you didn't overdose was beyond you. The vodka, weed and blow should've already killed you but getting spiked? You should've been a goner.

And yet you weren't. Or maybe you were, and Rafe sitting beside you was an angel guiding you through your overdose, your body laying motionless in a ditch. But everything felt real, so you figured you were alive still. God, you were gonna be so embarrassed when sobering up in the morning. You placed a hand on Rafe's shoulder, supporting your weight and trying to stand up straight on wobbly feet. "Come on.." you muttered to him.

He seemed mildly taken aback, surprised at the fact you were actually able to stand, despite your still clumsy movements and almost wobbly steps. He pushed himself up off the floor, placing one hand on each of your arms, steadying you as you struggled to maintain your balance on your feet.

"Slow down dolly, take it easy. You're still a little out of it.. "

Your movements came to a stop once you were back on your feet, supporting your weight on Rafe's grip, your expression turning more serious as you spoke "I got spiked, didn't i?" you stated the obvious truth the both of you were aware of, voice a little awkward.

He nodded, his expression hardening once again. "Yeah. You did. You're damn lucky you made it to the corner store, dolly." he said, his hand moving to your waist to give you more support, as if trying to anchor you to the ground, so you wouldn't faint and fall flat on your face.

Your head hung low, shaking it as you mulled over the situation for a few seconds before chuckling cynically "And he didn't even get to score.. You got stuck with dealing with the aftermath of that asshole's attempt.." you mumbled breathlessly, still laughing as you looked up at him.

He huffed softly, his gaze lingering on your face as his grip on your waist tightened slightly. "Yeah, I guess I did. Lucky me.." he taunted sarcastically, his smirk returning, yet this time there was a hint of something else behind his gaze. Something he couldn't quite place himself, and something he wasn't very used to feeling.

You patted his forearms while nodding "Yeah lucky you.." you echoed "He just wasted his drugs.." the way you spoke gave Rafe the feeling you were trying to downplay the situation at hand, which was a mild attempt. It was an attempt nonetheless and he had to give you some points for that, especially for handling getting spiked as a girl that way.

He chuckled at your words once again, a small smirk tugging at his lips as he shook his head. Despite how messed up you were, you were still trying to downplay the situation. "Yeah, he did. Dumbfuck probably didn't expect you to be still alive to tell the tale.."

You threw your head back, letting out another hearty laugh at his words. You leaned in slightly after laughing, whispering as if you were sharing some secrets and making fun of someone behind their backs and not talking about basically escaping a situation that could've ended so differently for you if Rafe hadn't found you. "Yeah, what a dumbass right? Men these days don't even know how to drug a girl properly.."

He couldn't help but mirror your laughter, his eyes locking with yours as you leaned in to whisper, a hint of amusement flashing in his expression. "Yeah, for real. These dumbass punks don't know what they're doing. Good thing you've got me around, huh dolly? I saved your dumb ass." he teased, his smirk widening as he spoke

You continued to snort and giggle weakly as you watched him tease you, your hands squeezing his biceps as you held onto him, neither having moved from your spot in the entrance of the bathroom "I could've been dead.. " you mumbled breathlessly, gesturing to your baby blue minidress before adding "Imagine this slutty outfit was the one I'd be wearing while dying in a ditch.." you grabbed onto him, swaying on your feet gently as you laughed.

He couldn't help the smirk that formed as he watched you laugh and sway on your feet, his grip on your body tightening to keep you upright and steady, although it made no difference. He shook his head slightly, still holding you in front of him.

"That would've been a real waste, huh? You look too good in this to be rotting in a ditch somewhere, dolly." he said, his tone teasing yet somewhat playful.

"Aw shucks, Rafey.. you have such a way with words.." you teased sardonically, shaking your head in mock flusteredness.

He chuckled, rolling his eyes at your statement. "Don't 'Rafey' me, dolly. I'm being serious. You look good tonight. As good as someone who just threw up in my goddamn toilet can, that is." he replied, his smirk transforming into a teasing grin.

"You'd prefer Raphael, then?" you asked, grinning mischievously, knowing his dislike for his full first name.

He grimaced, an almost disgusted expression on his face as he groaned at the sound of his full first name.

"Jesus, don't call me that, dolly. I'll throw you back into the damn toilet.." he replied, his grip on you tightening slightly as he tried to suppress a smirk, failing miserably.

"It makes you sound like a saint.." you whispered, chuckling as you mirrored his smirk and gave his biceps another squeeze.

He let out an amused huff, one eyebrow raising at your observation. "Yeah, right. Saint Raphael. Don't know if that's exactly the right title for me." he chuckled, his eyes studying your expression for a few seconds, a sense of playful teasing in his gaze.

"Well.. you call me 'angel' sometimes.." you shrugged "We can match.." you spoke casually, slinging one arm over his shoulder as you started walking towards the bed, finally moving from the spot in the bathroom.

He chuckled again, his grip on you firm and secure as he followed your lead, moving toward the bed in sync with you. "Yeah, angel. 'Cause you sometimes look like one, when you're not being a brat. It suits you." he said, a smirk playing at his lips, as he supported you through the short distance from the bathroom to the bed.

"I prefer 'dolly' over 'angel'.." you stated quietly, tilting your head to the side as you reached the bed finally.

He chuckled softly, a smirk playing at his lips as he helped you sit down on the bed, his expression gentle, almost fond as he studied your face.

"Yeah, I know you do dolly." He said softly, sitting down next to you on the edge of the bed, his hand now placed firmly on your thigh, rubbing soothing circles on your bare skin.

"No, you don't. Because you barely know me.." you grinned genuinely, leaning in mischievously as you whispered, your eyes roaming over his features in the dim lit room, the only source of lighting being the light that was still left on in the bathroom connected with the bedroom.

He let out a small huff as you inched closer, his grip on your thigh still firm, almost possessive. He chuckled as you whispered, his gaze never leaving yours, his smirk widening at your words.

"Yeah, i don't really know you.." he muttered, his gaze now roaming your features as well, taking in your disheveled state.

You also let out a soft exhale, your grin melting away into a new expression, one less amused and more filled with awe. The silence and intimacy was tugging at your still sensitive stomach, eyes still roaming over his face but trying to avoid his lips at all costs. God, what the hell were you doing tonight?

He could practically feel your gaze roaming his features, his fingers continuing to move gently over the skin of your thigh, almost absentmindedly. He could feel the shift in the atmosphere around you, his gaze still locked with yours as he watched you intently. He'd be lying to himself if he didn't say he wasn't mesmerized by the way your gaze wandered, almost as if you were trying to commit his features to memory.

You cleared your throat looking away for a split second and muttering almost inaudibly "I need something to sleep in.." which he didn't really register for the first few moments, too focused on your face.

He snapped out of his thoughts, his gaze flickering over your features once more before focusing on what you said.

"Yeah, right. You can borrow something from me." he replied, his grip on your thigh finally loosening as he stood up, striding over to his dresser.

He pulled the handle open, searching through the numerous shirts, sweatshirts and sweaters he had, before selecting a random navy hoodie and bringing it back over to you, shoving it in your arms. "That should work, right?" he asked, an eyebrow raised, while he once again plopped down on the bed beside you, his presence so close for no apparent reason, but you found yourself not minding it.

You raised an eyebrow at him handing you the singular hoodie, looking from his face to the article of clothing "Yeah, when i leave tomorrow morning, maybe.. Not to sleep in. Gimme a shirt.."

He huffed, running his hand through his hair, looking mildly annoyed at your demand.

"Damn, you sure are needy tonight, huh dolly?" he grumbled, standing up once again and going back to the dresser, returning soon, a crumpled white shirt in his hand.

You let out a snort at the sight of the crumpled, clearly worn t-shirt. Guys. Giving you an article of clothing that they already wore.. you rolled your eyes internally "Wow, hospitality on point.. Shirt's crumpled and worn.." you teased sarcastically, smirking up at him "But y'know what..? I'll just take it.." you muttered snatching it from his hand.

He huffed, his expression almost amused as he watched you snatch the shirt from his hand.

"Don't whine about it, dolly. Take what you can get. You're lucky I'm even letting you borrow anything of mine at all." he replied, his tone still teasing as he sat back down on the bed.

You raised your brows as he sat next to you casually, eyes widening as if expecting him to do something. Like not sit down and give you some privacy as you changed. Even though he had seen you naked before, and had been inside you two times. "Uhm... Privacy much?" you asked, tilting your head to the side.

He rolled his eyes at your question, a smirk tugging at his lips once again. "Oh come on, dolly. I've seen it all before, remember? Why do you need privacy now?" he retorted, his gaze locked with yours, a hint of mischief glinting in his eyes.

You scoffed in mock disbelief, rolling your eyes too. "It's about the principle, dumbass.." you narrowed your eyes, standing up slowly. "But fine.." you shrugged, your hand reaching up behind you to zip down the zipper of your mini dress halfway, sliding down the straps and letting it fall to the floor. Leaving you in your white lacy bra and underwear. All of that while holding eye contact smugly.

As the dress hit the floor, the smirk on his face faded almost instantly, his gaze flicking from your face to your now almost completely exposed body. His eyes roamed your form. It was almost like he couldn't tear his gaze away, his expression a mix of awe and desire as he watched you with darkening eyes. He cleared his throat, his gaze reluctantly meeting yours again, his words coming out in a low, almost strained tone. "Jesus, dolly.."

You relished in the way you provoked him, your smugness growing as you made a show of reaching for the white shirt he brought you to wear to sleep in. "Told you to turn around and give me privacy.." you shrugged, pulling the article of clothing over your head and tucking your hair out from under the neckline.

He let out a huff, clearly annoyed at the fact that you successfully managed to tease him, his gaze still fixed on your form as you pulled the shirt over your head. Despite his feigned annoyance, his expression showed a hint of arousal, his eyes roaming over your figure once again, the sight of you in his clothes sending a jolt of desire through him.

He leaned back into the bed, propping himself up on his elbows as he looked you up and down, his gaze now fixed on your legs. He watched as you stood there, fidgeting with the hem of the shirt, the sight of you in his clothes stirring something in him he couldn't quite resist. His voice was a little hoarse as he spoke, his eyes still fixed on you.

"You looked good in that dress, dolly.. You look even better in my shirt."

"Well your shirt is smelly.." you teased, narrowing your eyes down at him, smirking mockingly.

He chuckled, rolling his eyes at your comment.

"Smelly, huh? Thanks, dolly. Nice to know you like the way I smell.." he replied mockingly, his gaze still roaming your form, his eyes drinking in the sight of you in his shirt, the way the fabric clung to your body.

You pinched the neckline, bringing it up to your nose to take a small sniff. Your comment about the shirt being smelly was supposed to just be mocking, but you realized it actually smelled... nice, for being already worn. Expensive cologne, a bit of sweat and maybe cigarette smoke. Actually, a very nice and quite hot combination. "Hmm.. I've smelled better.." you shrugged, looking back at him lounging on the bed, supporting his weight on his elbows casually.

He rolled his eyes, a smirk tugging at his lips as he watched your gesture, the way you seemed to subtly inhale the scent of his shirt.

"Oh come on, dolly. Don't tell me you were just smelling my shirt like a creep." he teased, his gaze still fixed on you as he continued to lounge on the bed, his expression growing more and more cocky.

You raised your brows, "And you still have my ripped pair of underwear, we're kinda tied on the title of who's the creepiest, here.." you teased, smirking down at him.

He let out a scoff, his expression going from smug to mock annoyance at the mention of your torn underwear.

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that.."

He smirked slyly, his expression now playful.

"They're in my drawer, if you ever want them back."

"Oh my god, i can't believe you still have them.." you muttered shaking your head in mock disappointment, stepping closer to his knees at the edge of the bed, where he was manspreading while leaning back on his elbows.

He chuckled, watching you step closer to him, his expression still smug, a hint of mischief in his eyes.

"Of course I do. I like to keep my souvenirs, dolly." he said, his gaze fixed on your face, his knees brushing against your thighs.

You nodded knowingly, poking the inside of your cheek with the tip of your tongue as if thinking over something. Your options tonight were: 1. go to sleep and sober up normally (in the same bed with Rafe) or 2. sleep with the guy your friends hated, manspreading in front of you. Which you found so very hot. Especially while being still a little tipsy and out of it. And in theory, both options were the same, including you sleeping with Rafe in the same bed, one just included... Sex.

If you were to die tonight, you'd definitely go to hell for the one you picked. You and Rafe could keep sleeping together a secret, right? Right? You were sure it was gonna be fine (not really, but you like to make bad decisions.) You continued to look down at him, stretching out the tension a little more before doing the thing both of you wanted.

He could sense the tension between you, his gaze darkened as you continued to look down at him, his lips slightly parting as he waited for you to make a move, any move. His breathing was heavy and labored, his hand twitching in an attempt not to reach out and touch you. His lips curled up into a sly smirk, the sound of your breathing filling the silence in the hot summer night.

Fuck it. The pogues shouldn't stand in the way of getting good dick from a bad man. You can feel guilty about it tomorrow when you sobered up. Right now you could sleep with Rafe again and blame it on the drugs and vodka in the morning. You hastily climbed onto his lap, knees bracketing his waist as you cupped his face and peppered it with small, rushed kisses. "Guess you really got lucky, huh? That dumbfuck spiked me and you get to score.." you mumbled between each contact of your lips on his face, your words cynical and amused.

He chuckled, his hands instinctively gripping your thighs as you straddled him, his heart thrumming in his chest as he felt your lips brush against his face. He could feel your breath on his skin, the warmth of your body through the thin fabric of the shirt you wore, his eyes darkening with desire. His hands skimmed up your thighs, coming to rest on your waist, his thumbs pressing against your hip bones as he let out a soft groan at your words.

"Yeah, I guess I did.." he replied, his gaze fixed on yours, his expression a mix of cocky and teasing. At this moment, he knew he still had you in the palm of his hand. Despite your attitude, your arrogance and your sharp tongue. He knew you liked him, maybe against your own will. But you were still here, sitting in his lap, kissing him like only a girl who was madly into him would.

Your lips finally found his after kissing around his mouth, your kiss heated and even more rushed, doing what your drunk brain had wanted to do all night since he sat down on the curb with you.

He let out a low, almost guttural groan as your lips met his, his arms snaking around your waist, holding you tighter as he deepened the kiss, his tongue grazing against your bottom lip in a silent request for entrance. His chest pressed against yours, your heartbeats quick and in sync, his hands now roaming up your back underneath the shirt you were wearing. His shirt.

He fell flat on his back when wrapped his arms around your waist losing the support his elbows were offering. That didn't stop either of your kissing, your hands still cupping his face as you hovered above him, kissing him almost desperately.

He made no attempt at changing the position when he fell back, if anything, he relished in it. The feeling of you on top of him, the way you pressed yourself into him, your hands gripped his face as if you needed it to hold you upright, the kiss getting more feverish. He could feel your desperation in your kisses, in the way your hands held his face, his hands squeezing your hips and thighs in an attempt to get you closer.

He groaned into the kiss, his hands wandering over your thighs, up to your waist and back down again, tugging on your hips. His mouth moved against yours hungrily, his tongue exploring every inch, tasting every corner of you, his fingers digging into your skin almost painfully as he tried to hold himself back from being too needy.

The kiss was sloppy and uncoordinated but neither of you seemed to care, your messy hair which was draped down, grazing his face as you squirmed slightly atop of him. In some way being here, away from your mother, or the jealousy you felt when you saw JJ with Kie felt like something you shouldn't regret, despite doing so. Being here in his room, at almost 3 and a half in the morning, while no one knew about it felt better than any line of coke you snorted of blunt you smoked. And you weren't sure if you were supposed to like it as much.

He knew he shouldn't be doing this, he knew it was wrong on so many levels. But the way your body felt against his was like a drug on its own, addicting and mind-numbing. He wasn't thinking clearly, not that Rafe ever really did, but now he wasn't thinking at all. All of his thoughts were replaced with the feeling of your body on his, your taste on his tongue, the sound of your heavy breathing, echoing in his ears. He let out a soft groan, breaking the kiss only to mutter against your lips in a ragged tone.

"You should be getting sleep, dolly.." He said, his voice betraying his words, his lips already moving to your jawline, trailing little kisses from your chin to your ear, before grazing your earlobe with his teeth gently.

You hummed, your hands sliding into his hair as he trailed messy kisses up to your ear, tilting your head to the side "Yeah.. i should just go to sleep, right?" you mumbled breathlessly.

He nodded, his lips finding your neck now. He left a trail of wet, hungry kisses along the soft skin, pausing briefly by your pulse. "Yeah.. That would be the smart thing to do." He said against your skin, his voice lower than before, his teeth nibbling your skin just slightly, just to be a tease.

Your breathing continued to grow more ragged as he nibbled on the skin under your jaw, shifting on top of him slightly as you suppressed a small moan, "I'm gonna go to sleep, then.." you nodded too, scraping your nails against his scalp gently.

He chuckled at your words, his breath hot against your skin, continuing to kiss and nibble and suck on your neck. "Okay, dolly." He replied, his tone mocking, but his actions saying the complete opposite. His fingers skimmed up your bare thighs as if just now realizing that you were only wearing a shirt and underwear. "Then why don't you get off my lap?"

"Uh... cause I'm drunk and you're taking advantage of me..?" you joked dryly, your brain torn between focusing on his kisses and the conversation.

He paused, a smirk tugging on his lips as he continued to trail kisses along the column of your neck. "Yeah... That's right.." he said, his words a little muffled against your skin, his hand giving your thigh a soft squeeze "You're drunk, and I'm taking advantage of the situation... I'm such a bad guy, huh..?” he teased, his words a little slurred, his mind clouded by the desire you've ignited.

You hummed, sighing under the attention he was giving your body "Yes.. you're such a bad guy, Rafe.. A bad, bad guy.. The worst guy out of them all. Very horrible too.." you rambled under your breath.

He chuckled again, his fingers digging into your thighs as his lips pressed more kisses on your neck and collarbone, leaving goosebumps on your skin. "Damn right I am, dolly. The worst you'll ever come across.. terrible, even.. Horrible, you said?" He mumbled against your skin, his voice a little hoarse and rough.

You nodded, finally letting out a small moan when his teeth grazed a sensitive spot on your neck before speaking shakily "Yes horrible.. even awful if you might.."

He smirked again, nipping the sensitive spot on your neck again, his lips lingering there almost like teasing, but also as if to soothe it. "Mmm.. awful, huh? I'm terrible and awful.." he repeated, his words spoken against your skin, his grip on your thighs still firm, his fingertips now brushing over the expanse of your skin. His head was spinning, his mind clouded and fuzzy, the only thing he could focus on was you in his lap, and how hard he was getting from that.

"Dreadful and horrific... Appalling too.." you breathed out, barely even registering what you were saying, your hands sliding back down to cup his face as he continued to kiss your neck.

He chuckled again, his mouth hot and wet as he sucked on your skin, "That's right.. dreadful, horrible, appalling..." he mumbled, his mouth moving to the other side of your neck as his chest pressed against yours, his hands skimming over your bare thighs, the thin fabric of the shirt you were wearing shifting with every move. His lips now on your collarbone, nipping at the skin and sucking it until he was sure he'd leave a mark. He wanted to mark you. Everywhere he could. Rafe was a big, big fan of hickeys, you realized after sleeping with him two times.

"God, you're such a bad influence on me.." you hummed, your brain feeling fuzzy and light, your eyes closed as you focused on the feeling of him on your skin, how your neck felt hot almost burning under his touch, his mouth and his teeth and the way he sucked on your skin, just on the edge of feeling like too much, but also nowhere near enough given you were both still clothed, you more or less.

His head was spinning too, drunk on the smell of your skin, the taste of your skin, the sounds you were making, so close to his ear. He wanted to eat you whole, completely devour you. His teeth grazed your collarbones, nipping slightly harder at the sensitive skin. He wanted to leave love bites everywhere, mark you as his. His hands gripped your thighs desperately, his fingers dipping beneath the fabric of his shirt, brushing against your skin, the need for contact and skin on skin nearly driving him insane.

A quiet hum escaped your lips, your brain growing tired and fuzzy from the sensation of his mouth n your skin.

His lips left a path of wet kisses up your jaw until he reached your ear. His voice was hoarse and his breathing ragged.

"God, you're such a bad influence on me, too, dolly..." He almost growled against your ear, his teeth grazing your earlobe as his hands roamed your body, grabbing and grabbing, just trying to get you as close to him- closer.

"How?" you pretended to sound as annoyed as much as you could, squirming on top of him and carding your fingers through his hair.

He groaned at your touch, his body arching up into your hands as much as he could, trying to find friction from your body, any sort he could. He let out a frustrated hiss, as if annoyed with how much clothes there was still between you two. "You make me act like an animal. You'd think I'd never seen a girl before." he muttered into your earlobe, his breath hot and his words hoarse.

"You have?" you asked teasingly, smirking against his skin at his words.

His response was another gruff groan, his hands gripping your thighs almost painfully, his hips bucking up against yours, a desperate moan catching in his throat, "Yeah. Yeah, I have. But none are like you." he said against your ear, his words almost slurring as he spoke, the need and desire for you almost driving him insane.

Your face scrunched up momentarily as your core brushed against his belt buckle through your underwear. You buried your face into his neck, just letting it rest there as if hiding it and successfully muffling your words "That's cute.. I told you, you should just admit you're obsessed with me.."

He let out another low moan at the feeling of your body brushing against his buckle, his head tilting back instinctively to give you more access to his neck, his hands now roaming lower, squeezing your ass as he groaned at your words, "Yeah, yeah I am... I'm obsessed and I'm terrible and you're terrible, too- you're a terrible influence on me..." he mumbled into your hair, his hips bucking up once again, as he groaned once more, this one more needy.

You felt his hips buck up against you again, you couldn't suppress the small moan that escaped you this time, your cheeks heating up in embarrassment at the sound, your face still buried in Rafe's neck as if you were trying to hide. "I know I am.." you hum in agreement, nipping at the skin of his neck, your words coming out half-mumbled as your brain started to focus on something else other than the conversation with each passing second.

His head was spinning now, his only focus the feeling of your mouth on his neck. He was getting dizzy, almost drunk even, your lips leaving more love bites on his skin, his hands roaming over your body, trying to find more skin to touch, desperate and needy. "Yeah, yeah..." he mumbled, his words slurred, no longer having any control over what he was saying, "I know you are. I hate you..."

You hummed in response, one of your hands snaking under your own body to his belt buckle to try and undo it with one hand and while also laying on top of him. "Oh Rafe, i hate you too.. More than i hate anyone.."

He groaned, low and needy, his hips bucking up into your hand as you fumbled with his belt buckle, still leaving small love bites against his neck. "Yeah? How much do you hate me- oh, keep doing that- how much do you hate me, dolly, huh?" he mumbled, the words muffled by your hair.

The pull of desire coiled tightly in your gut at his sounds, your fingers working hastily to undo the belt while mouthing at his neck "Uh.. very much. You're mean to my friends and me and you're just-.." you cut yourself off momentarily, sighing as you couldn't seem to succeed in your task "You're such a horrible guy, i told you before.." you finished your sentence, not even paying attention to the words leaving your lips anymore.

His breath caught in his chest at the words coming from your mouth, his eyes rolling back at the feeling of your mouth on his neck and your hand still on his buckle, struggling to undo it in your rush, "God, you're so goddamn annoying, too.. So stubborn.. and stupid.. and- ah, come on just get on with it.." he mumbled, his hips bucking up into your hand involuntarily, his jeans starting to get uncomfortably tight.

Your frustrations matched his as your fingers kept fumbling with the belt, his words only adding to it. You groaned against his skin, your teeth scraping against his skin in a moment of frustration, "You're annoying too, you know. And stubborn and- and.. mean.. I'm trying.." you mumbled against his skin, finally managing to undo the damn belt.

He groaned, tilting his head back, exposing more of his neck to you, "Yeah, that's right, say all those bad things about me, dolly.. God, you make me crazy..." He was babbling now, a little desperate as his breathing picked up pace, his own fingers reaching to help you with the zipper of the jeans, the tight fabric starting to become unbearable. "I know, I know, just- don't stop.."

Your words seemed to have an effect on him, a low moan escaping his lips and the way his jeans felt almost painfully tight. Your fingers had become more desperate, fumbling and tugging at his jeans until, finally, you got the button undone. You mumbled something incoherent as your palm cupped his bulge through the fabric of the jeans, your mind too hazy with need to form complete sentences, just letting moans and needy whines escape your lips as you palmed him, slowly, teasingly. "You're.. horrible.."

His mind was clouding quickly, the only thing he could focus on the feeling of your hand on his clothed, achingly hard cock. You felt every pulse and twitch through the thin fabric, the sound of his low moans filling your ears. "Yeah? I'm horrible, dolly? You- you really think that? You really hate me?" His fingers gripped your thighs, his eyes half-lidded, trying to look into your eyes, his breathing ragged and strained as you continue to tease him. He was desperate and needy and he hated it. "Just- Ah, stop teasin' me, dolly... Just- let me have you.. just- just let me feel you..."

The only thing you could muster for a few good moments was a hum, your teeth digging into your bottom lip in concentration as you climbed off his lap to slip your underwear off and throw it somewhere behind you on the floor, the undergarment joining your dress and heels there. You didn't bother with the t-shirt you were wearing just like he didn't, climbing back on his lap again to straddle him. You tugged his pants and boxers down clumsily as you finally let his cock free, hovering over him. "Yes, i told you.. I think you're awful and uh.. Frightful?" you rambled, one of your hands planted on his chest for support as he laid flat on the bed under you, the other teasing your entrance with the tips of his cock.

He was breathing hard, his chest was rising up and down rapidly as he watched you, trying to take you in, his eyes roaming over your body, trying to memorize every part of you. The sight was so arousing, he was almost shaking with need, "Yeah? And you're a terrible, awful girl, dolly..." he mumbled, his words slurring together as his hands gripped your thighs again, his fingers digging into your skin, "You're making me feel some... some- God, I don't even know.."

He groaned softly as you slowly lowered yourself on him, his hand finding it's way to your waist, gently guiding you down on his lap, your breathing coming out quick and ragged as you finally took him in. "Ahh.. Yeah- yeah you're.. you're just- you're a really awful person.. just the worst.." he mumbled, his head falling back against the bed.

Your breath almost caught in your throat, letting out a low, sweet moan as you finally lowered down, the feeling of being stretched out almost too overwhelming for a split second. "No, i think you're worse.." you argued weakly although neither of you knew what you were babbling about anymore.

He didn't argue back for a few good moments, biting his lip hard to stop himself from letting out an embarrassing sound, his hips bucking up once again, trying to get you closer to him, just wanting to be closer than possible. He was losing his mind. "No.. you're worse.." he responded, his words barely even making sense, his brain clouded by his need for you. He knew you were both stupid, awful, terrible people at that moment, but he didn't want to admit it. You both were a bad influence on each other. Albeit for two different reasons.

You shook your head, lowering and raising your hips to meet his movements, hands planted on his chest for support, forcing him to lay down completely flat under you at the same time. You wanted to continue the mindless conversation but your words melted into moans and lustful sighs witch each and every thrust, eyes fluttering closed.

His eyes shut close as you leaned over, his hands gripping your waist tightly, his fingers digging into your skin so hard you were sure you'd have little moon shaped marks imprinted on the inside of your hips tomorrow. His breathing was ragged, a moan getting caught in the back of his throat, almost as if he was fighting it, trying to stay quiet. "But-ah.. but you're- you're worse.. You- you make me act so-so.. awful.." he mumbled, his teeth biting his lip to hold it in.

"And.. and I'm basically a traitor to my friends for sleeping with you for the 3rd time.. I think you're worse.." you argued out, words shaky with pure pleasure as his nails dug into your hips, guiding you up and down or back and forth.

He felt you clench around him and he bit his lip to hold back a moan, his mind clouding even more, the words leaving his mouth becoming mindless and incoherent, "God- you're- you're just.. You just... you just have such.. such an effect on me, it-it's- it's not fair... I'm-" he was struggling to speak now, his body shaking involuntarily as his mind went blank, he couldn't even remember what you were talking about anymore. He hated you, he hated that you had this effect on him, the way you made his body go weak and needy and desperate.

One of your hands scrambled up to cover his mouth, stopping him from rambling, hips picking up your pace as you chased your orgasm. Your thighs were straining slightly as you rode him in a sloppy manner, moans leaving your parted lips in strings. "Just ah-.. stop talking... Oh fuck, that's so good.." you mumbled the last part under your breath, head lolling back as he hit that special spot deep inside you, almost causing you to tear up from the intense pleasure.

His breath hitched in his chest, his back arching off of the bed as he bit into your palm involuntarily, not enough to hurt but just to get back at you, for putting an end to his senseless babble, and to also hold back the embarrassingly loud string of curses and moans trying to escape his lips. His fingers pressed into your hips as he helped your movements, trying to regain some control, but even he knew there was no use, trying to dominate the situation when you've already got him pinned under you. He hated it. He hated how much he liked this. How much he loved seeing you above him, riding him mindlessly like there was no tomorrow.

Your brows furrowed and you couldn't tell if it was from the unbearable pleasure or confusion from him biting into your palm. Your palm retracted itself from his mouth, gently slapping the side of his face in a small warning as you tried to speak between moans and whimpers "Did you just bite me..?" you asked under your breath.

His only response was a small, barely audible whine as a way of apology, knowing he was wrong. His brain was too clouded to think, the only thing he could focus on was the feeling of you riding him, so he didn't say anything, trying to stay as quiet as possible as he gripped your hips and forced you down harsher, the sounds of your moans filling his ears, driving him completely insane. He looked up at you, his eyes half-lidded, his lower lip caught between his teeth again as if he was trying to keep himself from saying anything stupid.

Your hand grabbed his jaw almost forcefully, shaking his head gently while you increased the pace, the other hand still planted on his chest for support. You wanted to say something else, maybe pretend to be mad but you were too lost in the feeling of him grazing deep inside of you with every thrust.

He groaned, his head falling back against the bed, his eyes shutting close briefly, before opening them again, staring up at you as if completely entranced, his words coming out between ragged breaths and grunts, "Doll- you make me crazy.. I'm just- just.." He couldn't form a coherent sentence, his mind going more and more blank as he lost himself completely in the feeling of you, your warmth and your body, the way you were grinding on him in such an obscene manner.

"Rafe I'm about to-.." you whispered almost completely inaudible, your thighs spasming around his waist as you felt the building pleasure finally snap without a warning, the hand on his jaw moving to fist his shirt as you leaned forward a little. Your eyes pricked with small tears, mouth parting in a silent moan and eyes squeezed shut.

Every muscle in his body tense and flexed as he watched you. He could hear himself making some sound, but he couldn't even register what it was, his mind so blank he didn't even know what day it was or what month it was. His nails bit onto your hip, his hand moving to your lower back as he kept your body close to him, his words coming out without a single thought. "God- doll- come here- look at me-"

You leaned down slightly, your head hanging low above him as his fingers tangled in your hair, guiding you closer. His gaze was filled with desire and maybe something else too, something you wouldn't even dare to think about in your hazy state, his eyes searching your face for something. The eye contact was intense, and you found yourself getting lost in the deep, blue sea of his eyes, your brain and body buzzing from the orgasmic high and the intense eye contact.

He was completely lost in you and to the feelings both physical and emotional. The way you looked down at him, so beautiful and wrecked, but still just as fierce and intense as usual, he couldn't take his eyes away even if he wanted to. He felt like someone had turned his insides upside down.

He continued to thrust up into you a few more times before following suit and finishing too, your hands braced on either sides of his head as you both rode out the waves of the high selfishly, the small tears in the corner of your eyes finally sliding down your cheeks and messing up your already messed up makeup even more.

His eyes shut close involuntarily as he finally came, the sounds of him groaning and moaning filling your ears, his body spasming, his fingers digging into your skin so hard there were sure to be little crescent moon shaped marks scattered over your skin tomorrow morning. He kept you close as his chest rose and fell rapidly, the both of you trying to steady your breathing, the tears on your cheeks finally getting to him, his hand moving to caress your cheek gently, stroking the little tear tracks away with his thumb as he looked up at you again silently.

His thumb lingered on your cheek, his eyes roaming over your face, trying to memorize the way you looked. You were breathtaking, no matter what, but now, with the tears and the messed up hair and makeup and wearing his shirt, you looked so damn good he wanted to die right then and there. His fingers were gentle, his touch was almost soft - as soft as the words he mumbled, "You're just so- so-" He didn't even know what to say, his words getting caught in the back of his throat, all he knew is that he didn't have any control over himself around you.

"Awful?" you asked softly, collapsing on his chest, face smushing in his shirt gently. Your breathing was so erratic, and you were sure you saw God for a second there when you came. "Horrible? for betraying my friends for the 3rd time?"

He let out a quiet, defeated chuckle, his arm wrapping around you, pulling you closer against him as if trying to get you even more impossibly close. "Yeah, that's right. That's what I was gonna say." He responded, his voice barely above a whisper, feeling your cheek pressed against his chest and your hair tickling his neck. "Although, I believe I used those words for a different reason earlier." He added, his fingers gently skimming your back.

"Yeah, foreplay.." you mumbled, your words and weak chuckle muffled by the fabric of his black polo shirt.

He couldn't help but chuckle too, his brain still slightly fuzzy from everything that just happened, but he could still recognize the humor in your comment.

"Yeah, that too." He mumbled back, his hand continuing gentle pats on your back, pausing momentarily, before speaking again, his tone shifting to a more low and serious one.

"How bad of a person am I for being okay with you betraying your best friends for me, huh?"

"Not for you... with you. And on a scale of one to ten, maybe a strong eleven.." you continued to mumble lazily, not really particularly guilty at the moment.

He chuckled softly again, his hand moving from your back to your hair, playing with it mindlessly. "An eleven, hmm?" He repeated, his voice soft and quiet, as he looked down at you, "Damn.."

A/N: This fic is so funny to me because 1. it's supposed to be a JJ centric and 2. In this flashback they had been been sleeping with each other for 1 week, or 3 times. And THAT'S how they act. They continue to do that for 4 more months also, pretending like what they're doing is casual and not the definition of a relationship. Anyway i live for whipped Rafe❤️ next chapter is probably gonna be another flashback!

Tag-list*:･ﾟ✧ @cali-888, @bee-43, @jjscoquette, @melsbels-zip, @stanseventeen @wh0reforbucknasty @wtfisastiles @annaconscience @pqndxra @carrerascameron @nini2mem @iynsane @gublerstylesobrien1238

[arcanefox207]

The Wolf You Feed (6)

Joel Miller x Female Reader Part 6 (Ongoing) | Rated Explicit | 6.5k WC | Series Masterlist | Read it on AO3

Summary: Set in a fictional New England town, you fall for your handsome, intense and outdoorsy neighbor while renting out your parent's vacant summer home during a brutal winter.

Chapter Warnings: ANGST. Smut. POV-Switching. Rated Explicit. 18+ MDNI. (CHAPTER SPOILERS AHEAD) Some possible triggers including mentioning death of a child and contemplated suicide. Smut includes P in V, oral (female receiving). See series masterlist for general warnings.

A/N: Hang in there my loves, I'll ease your pain by the end of this chapter (with smut, of course) 🧡 Also my inbox is always open if you wanna talk about TWYF / ask questions! Or anything really. It really means the world 🧡

JOEL

“No, Tommy. I really did fuck it up.” He sighed into the phone. Defeated and sad. 

Joel had reached out to his brother when he was at his wits end. He didn’t recognize who he was becoming and needed to talk to someone before his anger just consumed him whole. 

He broke down and told Tommy everything about you. The one person he really could confide in, and once he opened his mouth he couldn’t stop. 

For the most part Tommy was trying to be understanding but also was caught off guard. Tess was practically family as far as he was concerned. He thought you might just be an indulgence for him. A shiny, new toy for him to play with. He didn’t really see you as a viable partner. Joel didn’t dare tell him how young you were, but Tommy seemed to pick that up on his own the way he talked about you.

“You can probably still work it out with Tess.” Tommy pushes.

“I aint interested in working out anything with her.” He snapped.   

“Ok. Ok, Joel.” He conceded his last attempt to bring things back to normal. He realized that Joel was a different person now. They were not close like they used to be, but he never realized just how much Joel was struggling. Lost. He needed someone on his side, not against him. 

“Look, man. Just give her space. Don’t be a hot head and scare her off.” Tommy tries to reason with him. Tommy always was the one who was more of a people person. His successful life with his wife Maria was something he embraced proudly. It changed him in a way that made him more responsible. 

As they grew older, it was strange how things were shifting. Joel was always the protective big brother, but now Tommy was  starting to fill that role with his grounded life experiences giving him more wisdom. 

“A real help you are.” Joel mutters and throws his phone onto the table and taps his fingers, agitated. Not exactly at Tommy, but he was letting his anguish escape however it needed to. He knew Tommy would understand that he was acting more like a wounded animal that was scared.  

He was finally acknowledging that after all his shitty behavior this is the hand he was dealt. He couldn't sweet talk you into forgiving him and he no longer had Tess on standby to console him. Tommy was trying to be supportive but he just didn’t know how.

When he tried to sleep all he could see was the hurt in your face. It didnt matter what he did or didn’t do because you were hurt and it was all his fault. 

He hurt you and he wouldn’t be able to change that. 

—

YOU

Days go by in silence and you’re not sure how to feel about it. Part of you wanted Joel to fight, but the other part was glad he obeyed. Respecting your demands to leave you alone. 

The nights were the worst. You almost gave in to calling him on several occasions. Even if he did wrong, something about him still called to you. A relentless need that you had no control over. 

You were nearing the two month mark living in Kineo, and Joel had been present in almost all of it. Your fresh start to independence unexpectedly had a co-pilot, and one that you weren’t ready to fly without.   

You kept it all to yourself. Marlene never brought it up and you put on a smile at work. It felt like you were just floating through the week with no real purpose or direction. You had paid little attention to anything beyond what was right in front of you. 

The snow was falling quickly, and in the last few hours of your Thursday shift nobody was out buying coffee. There was a major snowstorm that was just starting to ramp up. You had heard many customers fretting about it over the past few days, but didn’t give it much thought. Apparently it was a big deal and you should have been more prepared, but you would figure it out. 

Tess stopped by and your stomach was in knots. She looked numb and business focused, like this was also a distraction she was leaning on to get by. She scuffed the snow off her boots in the doorway and called out to you both. In too much of a hurry to go past the door. 

“Ladies, close up and go home. We’re closed tomorrow too.” She left after you both acknowledged and you were so grateful that it was a quick encounter. You weren't ready to face her just yet, and keeping a secret from her was taking its toll. It felt wrong, and it was slowly eating away at you. 

The ride home was treacherous and you could barely see out your windshield. This was the first real brutal winter storm you encountered since moving and regretted not preparing for it at all. As you got closer and closer to your house you noticed how dark it was. The ominous grey storm clouds blocking whatever little light was left for the day. The only lights you saw were the flashing orange on the upcoming plow truck. 

The house is icy and dark. You go to flick the switch just to confirm the power is out. You use the flashlight on your phone to stumble into the kitchen where you find a few candles to light. 

This was going to suck.

Headlights shine into the front window and you see a truck parked at the end of your driveway. 

Joel.

You answer the knock at the door. Your pulse beating with intrigue, as if your body finally settled on needing his presence more than not. 

You open the door halfway, wanting to be angry at him but finding yourself enamored with how the snow was sticking to his perfectly tousled hair. 

Of course he couldn’t give up the neighborly act and you wondered his true intentions. 

“Don’t mean to bother you, but the power is out and it’s gonna get real cold tonight.. over here.” He puts his hand on the door to push it open slightly wider as he steps forward. “I’d like you to stay at my place.”

His sincere eyes searched yours, looking for any sort of indication how you were feeling about his offer.  

“Won’t get in your way, I promise. Just helping out… a neighbor.” He hesitates on the last words. “And I promised your dad.” he admits sheepishly.

You roll your eyes at that. Your mom and dad were always getting into your business. You had ignored their calls all week so it wasn’t a surprise that they reached out to him.

His offer seemed genuine and you were getting concerned about how cold the house already was. Your candles and flashlights would only do so much.

“Ok.” You agree, giving little emotion. You didn’t want him to think you were conceding easily. You were just being practical. 

Truthfully, you could only suppress the way your body still ached for him for so long.

You feel that heat inside you try to ignite the smallest flame. The feeling that just wouldn’t die despite it all. A spark waiting dormant at any chance to catch. As much as you tried to ignore it, it was still there.

Joel looked relieved that you agreed to it. His protective nature was called into action and he didn’t want to have to force you to do anything. Even if you were icing him out, he still felt a duty to make sure you were safe. Of course, he hoped in time you would forgive him, but for now this was all that really mattered. 

“And I gotta bleed the pipes so they don’t freeze. Told your dad I’d take care of his place.” He pushes the door open even more as he steps forward, and you can smell the coldness radiate off his body along with the leathery scent from his jacket. The fleeting thought of wrapping your body around him and inhaling his scent was overpowering.  

His bullish advance felt intrusive but also non-negotiable as he snapped you out of your delulu. 

You step aside so he can come in. You just now notice his bag of tools and industrial flashlight. Contractors. 

It doesn't take him long and you keep your distance, sticking to your bedroom and packing a bag with the essentials. After a few minutes he knocks on the door to get your attention. You don’t open it, and let him speak to you through the door. Trying to establish that you still have boundaries and your bedroom is one of them.

“What?” you ask with a forced annoyance.

He pauses for a moment and then his husky voice seeps through the cracks.  

“I gotta plow a few houses before it gets much worse. Get your stuff together and let yourself in. The fire is stoked and the house is warm.”

You hear his footsteps as he walks away after waiting a moment. That spark inside burns hotter. A want. You missed him, and you needed him but you had to stay strong. 

Damnit, Joel Miller. He was making it so hard to stay mad at him. 

—

His home was so warm and inviting. The wood stove was so practical and cozy. You started to feel like a character in one of your books in some remote cabin in the woods. You had added a few logs to keep it burning. Joel had them neatly stacked nearby and it wasn’t too difficult to figure out. 

A few hours passed before Joel returned home. He entered the house with nothing but a polite nod to acknowledge you made it over safely and an approving glance at the freshly stoked fire. 

You had been reading in front of the wood stove, wrapped in a blanket. He kept his word and left you alone for the most part. He spent most of his time up in his loft after telling you he fixed up the bedroom for you to sleep in and implied that he would resign to the couch when he was ready to sleep. 

The comforting smell of the burning wood and the crackle the fire made was peaceful. There were a few lit candles giving the cabin an authentically rustic feel. Even if they were there to be practical, it felt romantic. 

For reasons you couldn’t explain, you felt a pang of disappointment in how much of a gentleman he was being to you. It made you feel guilty for being so cold towards him, and annoyed at how respectful he was being to your boundaries. He was doing exactly what you asked him to, and yet you were realizing it wasn’t what you expected. Pushing him away didn’t make you stop wanting him. It was just the safest way to protect your feelings. It was lonely.

The longer you sat in solitude, the more you reflected on what you really wanted. Still, you felt paralyzed to take that next step, riddled with guilt for Tess and a wavering disdain for Joel. You wanted your Joel back. The one that was rough around the edges. The one that made you come alive in ways you didn’t know were possible when he had you under his weight. The one that took what he wanted and left you fucked out and wanting more and more. Ruining future men forever.  

You could have him back, if you just forgave him, but that would also mean coming to terms with the aftermath of what happened. Talking about it. Making it real. 

—

JOEL

He kept to himself quietly in the upstairs loft, trying to keep himself calm. You were right there, content and safe, still not speaking to him beyond what was necessary. Having you so close and still so out of reach was eating him alive, but at least you were there. 

Not having electricity for a hot shower didn’t help his mood. He was able to freshen up with a washcloth, deodorant and change into a clean shirt. The heat rising from the wood stove made the loft extra toasty. The worn loveseat where he often strummed his guitar was welcoming to his tired body. It sucked in his weight and creaked in protest as he shifted to prop his legs up over the arm and lounge back. 

The day took a toll on him. An early start doing 10 hours worth of contractor work and then spending many more plowing and shoveling snow. He was tired and his muscles ached, but it was nothing in comparison to how heavy his heart felt. 

He swiped through the final photos you sent to him, as he did every night, admiring everything about them. Beyond the obvious, it was the look in your eyes. The happiness and longing for him that you once had. 

He felt his jeans tighten as he focused on your perfect breasts and your swollen clit, begging for his touch. Remembering how your body felt as if it was made to take him. He needed to be inside you again and then hold you forever and never let you go.  

You were too good for him. You deserved more than a washed up old man who couldn’t even be honest with you. 

And still, he needed you. Craved your body and your warmth that your smile radiated. Craved that innocence you had that he loved to corrupt. The way that you made him feel when you needed him. You were so smart and capable, but he saw how your eyes lit up when he did things for you. He made sure to be there for you before you ever asked. He wanted to take care of all your problems. Protect you and make sure you never wanted for anything. The way your body called to him. How right you made his world feel. Now that you were part of it, how could it be any other way?     

Honesty. It was all he had left to give if you would let him. 

Joel looked at a worn photo that he kept in his wallet. He had to make things right. He had to try.  

—

YOU

Joel had used the gas stovetop to heat up some canned soup and it was the first time he interrupted you, offering a bowl. 

After awkwardly navigating around each other in the kitchen, you thank him and resign to his bedroom, alone. You leave the door slightly open so the heat from the wood stove would warm the room. A double wick candle he thoughtfully left for you on the nightstand flickers the room in soft glow. 

Despite the warm balsam scent from the burning wax, the room smells overwhelmingly of Joel. Clean. Masculine. His woodsy cologne that never overpowered but always made itself known. The same blue comforter that you laid under before but a fresh pair of gray colored sheets. They were perfectly smooth. Unwrinkled and untouched since he placed them on the bed for you. It filled you with a sadness as you balled your hand into the sheets, mourning the beautiful memories.

God damnit, Joel. 

You were getting settled in, wrapped up in another blanket and reading your book by candle light when you heard a knock on the door frame.

You lock eyes with him. There is a heavy sadness in them. 

“Can we talk for a second?” 

It was his house after all. You felt you owed him at least a conversation. Even if it was that conversation. 

You close your book as you hesitantly swing your legs over the side of the bed. The door creaks open wider and he stands in the doorway with a hand on the knob, looking for permission to come in. The way his t-shirt was straining against the flex his biceps made you flutter. It wasn’t fair how attractive he was without even trying.

“I guess.” You concede and quickly bring your gaze to the floor. Afraid your body would betray you as your heartbeat quickened.  

Joel enters slowly and walks over to the edge of the bed, sitting a respectable distance away from you. Close enough to touch you, but not invading your space.  

“I uh, don’t know how to say it exactly.” he nervously starts. He was acting differently. Lacking that confidence he so expertly wielded. Vulnerable.     

He pulls out a worn and folded paper and opens it gently to reveal a little girl. She looked young. 11, maybe 12. 

He slides the photo into your hands as you study it, unsure what he was getting at.

“That's my baby girl, Sarah.” His voice is low but heavy with emotion. His hands clasped between his legs and thumbs fidgeting. 

“You have a daughter?” you ask, completely caught off guard. Nothing in Joel’s world left any clues to him having children or a family. You approach this new knowledge with trepidation, noting how old the photo was and wondering where she is now. “Shes beautiful.” 

You can see some similar features when you look closely, except that she was smiling big. Something Joel rarely did. 

He isn’t crying but you can see that glossy look over his eyes. This was a memory that hurt. Your chest tightens, picking up on his pained hesitancy to speak his next words. 

“She was twelve when… when she died.” he says as he takes the photo back into his hands with an unsteady grasp.

Oh my God. His revelation hurts to hear. He looks down to the floor, hunched over slightly with his hands gripping the edge of the bed on each side of him. 

You rest your hand on top of his and feel his skin go taunt over his knuckles as he balls his hand into a fist. Trying to keep his composure. 

“Tommy and I were there by her side. She was sick and the doctors didn’t know how to make her better.” He paused. “I… couldn’t save her.” His voice just above a whisper and you wonder if he meant to say it out loud, as if he had been harboring that guilt for years. 

“Joel I… I’m so sorry.” You wipe the tear that falls down your cheek. “I had no idea.” 

You sit in silence with him, letting the news wash over you both. Unsure what to do other than be at his side while he was lost in his painful memories. 

“S’been almost 20 years, but a day don’t go by I don’t think about her.” He folds the photo and puts it back into his pocket. His voice steadies and he takes a breath as if a huge weight was lifted off of him. 

You felt privileged that he was sharing this piece of his life with you. It was clearly not something he went around telling everyone. It put things into perspective, too. 

He was a dad. 

“Before you start wonderin’ it.” He looks at you knowing full well you are going to be thinking about his history sooner or later. “Raised her myself since her mother left us when she was barely a year old.” He hesitates to say more, like that part didn’t matter. “Sarah was my entire world.”

You feel at a loss with what to say. The more he opened up the more silent you were. He had experienced so much that you never knew about. A single dad. Losing a child. You settle with just closing your hand on his and moving closer to him. What could you possibly say? No, you needed to just listen. He was opening up in a way he never had before, and you suspected rarely would again. 

“M’ telling you this because there's more.” He pauses. “I tried to move on, but I couldn’t stay in Texas. Wasn’t home anymore without her there. Tommy and I went to Boston to start over. He had nothing tyin’ him to Texas either and we can be contractors anyplace. Thought it would help.” He skoffs at that, mimicking how naive he was. “It didn’t.”

You could feel the shift in the room. The feeling that he was about to share something else vulnerable. 

“I… I didn’t see the point in livin’ anymore.” he says with a blank stare, lost as if he was reliving that moment of hopelessness. Ashamed of his weakness. 

“You don’t have to-” you try to interrupt, not wanting him to feel he owes sharing this story with you when you can see how much it hurts him. Part of you is uncomfortable with the rawness of his past he was exposing. Not because it is hard to think about, but because it hurts to imagine him being so desperate and lost that it was his only option.    

He held his hand out towards you, fingers fanned wide, urging you to let him finish before he drops it back slowly to his side.

“Then I met Tess. The night I was going to... be done with it all.” He stumbles over his words, battling with the crudeness that he couldn’t stop from pouring out of his mouth. 

“Joel..” you plea. Not sure if you were strong enough, worthy enough, to hear all this. Until you realized he had to get this story out. Who knows how long he had kept it bottled up to himself.  

“She gave me a reason to keep going. Became my rock. The only person that understood that pain… because she lost her son too. Two people at the end of their rope.”

You never knew Tess had a son. It was so easy to see how two headstrong people could connect and bond over the shared traumatic experience of losing a child.  

“We helped each other… survive.” he sounds unsure about the word choice. “We moved here intending to live separate lives but we clung on to each other. It worked for a while, but we lost sight of where we started… and where we were going.”

He didn’t need to say any more. You knew exactly what he meant. Their entire relationship was built on empathy and survival. They became codependent on each other. 

“I’ll always be grateful for what she did for me. I owe her my life.” He nods, agreeing with his words that he was perhaps speaking out loud for the first time. 

“It doesn’t make anything that I did right. M’not telling you this for pity. Tess will always be someone I love, but we are not the same people we were back then. We were holding onto each other because we were too scared to be alone. Took me a long time to figure that out. Too damn long.”

You detect that annoyance returning to his voice. A resentment.  

“And Tess… she aint got there yet. Don’t think she ever will. And I can’t keep livin’ like that.”

It didn’t make his actions hurt you any less, but it gave you a new perspective. You didn’t know how deep their relationship went and you didn’t realize he felt an obligation to her that he was just starting to understand. 

“And I’ve been feeling this for a long time now, well before I met you. Just go’in along each day with no direction. Not givin’ a shit.”

He stops and looks you in the eyes, intense and deadly serious.

“Was you that made me realize I had been searching for this.” He flips his hand over and his fingers weave with yours. You can feel the desperation and the want in his touch as his thumb grazes over yours. His brow softens.

“Knew it when I first met you and I couldn’t stop thinkin’ bout you night after night. That I had to take back my life. That existing aint the same as living.” 

You wrap your arms around his waist and pull yourself into his chest, breathe in his warm scent and want nothing more than to be in his arms again. Right or wrong you don’t care anymore. This is what you want. You want Joel.   

He wraps his arms around you and envelops you in his heat. You can feel his heartbeat singing into your ear with a heavy thud. Strong and resilient. His safe embrace silently apologizing for hurting you along the way. Promising you he wouldn’t ever hurt you again. 

His honesty made him less of a mystery now. His hardened exterior was built up over the years of living with this horrible hand he was dealt. Now that you knew the truth, you could finally start to make sense of everything.

Forgive him, even. At least try to. 

“I’m sorry.” he presses a kiss onto the top of your head and holds you. “I’m so sorry.” 

—

After holding you for a few moments Joel untangled from you and left you to your privacy, continuing his respectful act. Giving you time to process everything he said. Your mind was racing, analyzing everything. Calculating what happens next.

You knew if you crossed that line you would need to forgive him for what he did, and come to terms with sneaking around and indulging in a forbidden romance. At least, if you wanted to keep your job and the only other friendship you had going. Your parents could never find out either. They would never approve of you being with someone almost as old as them, let alone enable it any longer by allowing you to live in their home. You would have to cross that bridge later. This wasn’t about anyone else though. This was about you and Joel and what you wanted. 

Your next steps were heavy weighing your options, but also so very clear. No longer could you deny the way he made you feel and the way he made you ache for him when apart. He was remorseful for what he put you through. You could see it in his eyes. Hear it in his voice. Feel it in his touch.

Forgiving Joel would also solidify your relationship. It would be you and only you going forward. No more questionable lines of what you were and what you weren’t. 

You made your way out to the living room and saw Joel sitting near the wood stove, wearing reading glasses and a worn book opened in his lap. You didn’t take him for a man that would read for pleasure, but then again you can only do so much without electricity. He looked so peaceful with the glow of the fire illuminating him. A peace that only came with being so open. Everything between you felt lighter, like this was what needed to happen to get to this point.   

He looks up at you as you make your way over to stand in front of him. 

“Promise me.” you beg. “Promise me that you won’t hurt me...” You pause. “Ever again.” It was an absurd demand, but it was what you needed to hear from him. 

He takes off his glasses and closes his book, standing up to join you. His wide and towering body over yours made you feel so small in his shadow. Helpless against him but always safe with him. 

His greys caught the light of the fire, reminding you how much older he was and how much it turned you on. His well kept form only made him more and more attractive to you. Everything about him made you want him. An insatiable desire that you couldn’t deny any longer.  

“I promise, sweetheart,” he says as he sweeps your hair behind your ear and tenderly holds his palm against you. It makes you feel weak. 

“And… Tess?”

“Only you.” He says gently as he takes your hands in front of him. He repeats softer and pushes his forehead into yours as he leans over you, whispering “Only you.”

His hand comes up to cup your cheek and cranes your jawline upward to match your gaze. “I’m yours, if you’ll let me.”

Now you were a goner. 

His lips press into you and you melt into him. His tongue wastes no time to push inside and ravage your mouth. You give in to him, letting him consume you and relishing in his neediness to have you. 

His hands roam under your shirt, pulling it off hastily over your head. Your lips part only briefly. His roughness on your skin is welcomed as he thumbs at your waist band and urges you to step out of your lounge pants. 

You return the urgency, tugging at his shirt to make it disappear. His broad chest was a sight you would never tire of. Wide shoulders that could wrap you up effortlessly. 

Joel tore from your lips and trailed his mouth along your jawline. Nipping at the supple skin and gently biting at your neck as he removed your bra. He slid out of his jeans and boxers while he distracted you with his mouth.

You tip your head back as he goes lower, scruff scraping against your collarbone. Trailing lower and lower, dragging along your breasts. He took you into his mouth, letting his tongue dance lightly over your hardening nipples. Sucking with increasing ferocity until he released you with a wet pop and repeated the same on the other side.

He dropped to his knees with his hands firmly grappling your hips he pulled you in close to him. His hot breath tickled as he thumbed your panties down to expose your cunt.

“This is mine” he declared with a wicked grin as he slid your panties down your legs. His possessiveness couldn’t help but show itself and it was something that drove you wild. A pillar in your relationship that he was establishing and leaving no room to question. You were his.  

He wasted no time, nudging his nose into your clit as his tongue made quick work of your needy mess. Muffling his face into your heat with a hunger.

Your legs were unsteady but he had such a grip on you, holding you firmly against his face while he devoured you. His scruff getting damp while you started to drip for him. His rough patches sent shivers through your body as they grazed your softest skin while his lips and tongue pleasured you. He rubbed himself against you like a feral cat. Letting your wetness mark him. 

He couldn’t get enough of you. His muffled moans vibrated against you exquisitely as he tasted you and moaned in delight.  

Your hands found a home in his grey locks of hair, grabbing tightly with each flick of his tongue making you come more and more undone. He knew exactly how to touch you, drawing moans and gasps from your lips while he buried himself deeper. Pausing on the spots where you reacted the most with expert precision.

He started to take his time, relishing in your sweetness and giving you more and more with each tug against him. He was mindful of making it last as long as possible for you, practicing some restraint that he often ignored. This was about you. Apologizing with his tongue in a way that his words could never.

You tried to hold on as long as you could as your muscles weakened and your breathing shallowed. You cried out his name as your orgasm washed over you. He lapped up your sweetness as you rode the wave. 

He gently guided you down to join him on the floor, leaving sloppy, open mouthed kisses against your belly.   

You were gasping for breath as your heartbeat slowed. He leaned forward, pressing his lips into yours and plunging his tongue inside. You could taste yourself on him. He pulled away and gave a pleased smirk as his eyes narrowed over his nose. 

You sat back on your haunches  with your legs spread open. He eyed you up and down like you were the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

“I don’t deserve you.” he says almost in disbelief. 

“I know.” you tease.

His cock looked painfully hard. You reach a hand towards him and wrap your fingers around his girth. He was so impossibly thick. His veiny shaft called to you like a siren song that twitched under your touch. 

He wrapped his fingers around yours, engulfing them as you pumped his cock together. Slow and intimate. The increasing tightness of his skin made you feel guilty for having come already when he was so on edge. You could feel how ready he was and how disciplined he was behaving. You were anxious to have him inside you again as you brushed your thumb over his slit and felt his wetness beading.  

“Turn over, sweetheart.” he reluctantly pulls your hand away from his throbbing heat. Your finger drags along the tip as he pulls it off and is wet with his precome. You bring your shiny fingertip to your mouth and lick it clean as you stare at him. The filthy display makes him groan through gritted teeth.

You then obeyed, maneuvering yourself so you were on all fours with your backside to the fire. Grateful for the fur throw rug that was soft on your hands and knees.  

He stifled a groan as he shuffled up behind you, sitting up on his knees. He reached around to your front and pressed his fingers to your opening, pleased to find you still wet and begging to be filled. He dipped just his finger tip inside to tease you, reminding you how thick his fingers were, and how much they paled in comparison to his cock. You pressed back against him and let out a needy moan as he plunged his middle finger in deeper. Your desire to have any part of him inside you was overwhelming.

He pulled all the way out and circled your clit with his wet fingertips, making you whimper. You were still sensitive and swollen from moments before.

“Gonna fill you up, sweetheart. Promise.” his Texan accent came out thick.

He pressed his hips into you as he looked down your back, settling himself between your legs. His hands grabbed your hips and he lined up with your entrance, taking his time. Relishing in your shared bodies once again. His fingers kneaded you gently, holding tightly. Afraid if he let go he would lose you again. 

He slid a hand up your spine, pushing you down the closer he got to your shoulders, urging you to relax while he held you up at your hips. Your fingers curled into the fur carpet as his cock nudged you. 

Oh, how you missed it.

The wait was agonizing. Facing the window, the world looked so peaceful. A black mirror reflecting only the shimmer of the falling snow catching the light from the fire. It was quiet, calming and isolated. For this moment, all that mattered was you and him.

He split you open on his cock as he thrust in, slowly. You could feel his broad head catching on you as he pushed in and out. Working himself a little deeper with each push forward. It was agonizingly slow and you could only imagine how difficult it was for him to be patient. His raspy moans caught in throat with every thrust as your tight walls choked him. 

He was fully sheathed inside you, his hips flush with your body as he held you there for a moment. You were filled to the brim with him and it felt intoxicating to have him inside you. His entire length being strangled by your cunt. You could feel his neediness growing, and his desire to lose himself in you. His throbbing cock begging to come. 

He wanted more.  

He pulled your hips back as he pushed into you, stuffing as much of him inside as he could and being present with how tight you were. 

He was relishing in having you again. His right hand left marks as it clawed into you and you could feel his desperation build while left hand slapped onto your ass and firmly gripped you. He pulled you into him and held you still and he could feel your pussy clenching him, begging for friction. Swallowing him as deep as he could go.

“Joel… please.” you beg him to move with your delirious whines. 

Then he fucked you. Slow. Hard. Desperate to make it last. Controlling his urge to lose himself until you were moaning and begging for him. Every thrust into you an apology and a promise.

It didn’t take long. 

When he came you could feel his heat spilling inside you. Pumping you full of his devotion. You cried out as you rode the wave with him, taking in every drop of his spend as you writhed on his cock. 

You fell forward as he pulled out of you, gasping for air. He leaned over your body, his softening cock dragging against you as he leaned down to kiss your neck. Then he collapsed to the side of you.

He reached to the couch to grab a pillow and the blanket that was hung over the side. It wasn’t the most comfortable, but there was no place you wanted to be other than in his arms, engulfed by his heat and filled so much that cum was leaking out of you. Surrounded by the warmth of the fire and smelling sweat and pine. 

He pulled you tight against his body with his bicep curled under you to support your head. The length of his body pressed into your backside as he held you close, never wanting to let go. Never wanting to lose you again.

He kissed the top of your head again gently and used his free arm to rub your side soothingly as you both caught your breath. 

Joel caressed your sides up to your shoulder until you were fast asleep, stealing secret moments to press a kiss to your body or breathe you in. Holding you so tightly to his body that nobody would dare try to take you away from him. Possessive and determined to prove to you everyday how sorry he was and how important you were to him.

Tonight was something different. It was an intimate side of Joel you had not seen on this level before. You had no doubt that his rough dominance would return with a welcome vengeance, but tonight he was showing you a different part of him. Coming to terms that he was being vulnerable with you because he trusted you.

You faded in and out of sleep, each time comforted when you felt his heat against your body and his heartbeat thumping against your back. 

Despite what happened in the past, this moment felt right. Joel Miller had you hook, line and sinker.  

To be continued...

A O 3 | M A S T E R L I S T | N O T I F I C A T I O N S

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[shaaknaa]

I've been writing some aspec porn and gotten some good reviews from my target audience. I specifically started writing it for aspecs who like porn to have some rep. I'm a demisexual aromantic, so I figured I'd be able to pull it off pretty well. Here are some tips.

1. Give them a Reason to have sex. Most romances have a tension between Sexual/Romantic attraction battling with something driving them apart, family, miscommunication, careers, etc. That Will Not Work. If you give an ace a reason to Not Have Sex then they just won't. So they need some other reason to try. Angst is them trying to be normal. It might be a duty. Or a way to get cash. Or make a baby. Or pure curiosity. I have a dumbass who thinks by doing, trying to figure out if he's ace or not.

2. Give them something else to get out of it. My ace himbo likes getting their uptight partner to relax for once. But Maybe they like being the best. Or they like physical contact it general.

3. Consider writing from the Other Character's perspective. At least to start with. It's familiar ground if you're allo. You already know how to make things spicy from their perspective.

4. I'm saying this as a demi: DO NOT give into the temptation to make them suddenly develop attraction. Demisexuals actually show up in romance fairly regularly. As the italicized *oh* in a slow burn, or a "It's okay if it's you" thing. It seems to scratch a "You're special" and kinda a "virgin" kink? It's a trap that invariably leads to Amatanormativity.

Speaking of. That's the big scary villain in the room. If you *really* want to avoid alienating aspecs, you're going to want to look into that and avoid it. Amatanormativity is the belief that everyone is searching for their better half, a romantic partner, who will be more important than every other relationship. If your story doesn't mention your ace's non-romantic relationships at the end... it kinda ends up a little fetishy? I have my Ace Himbo's friends *constantly* show up in the non-porn scenes, usually wingmanning, or teasing, or giving advice.

Remember: a typical Romance may make a villain of a friend driving the leads apart. But your ace audience members probably have *trauma* about their friends ditching them for romance. They will sympathize with the jealous friend. The good ending for an ace character is for that conflict to be resolved and with the friend being *equally important* to the love interest. So you gotta tred carefully.

"So, you wanna make them ace?"

Asexuality 101: Making your characters asexual

Indroduction: Ok, so, from what I've seen in fandom and in general, most people don't really know how to write an asexual character. Many just quit it and make them allosexual, others just struggle their way without having much of a guide. Prime example is Alastor from Hazbin Hotel, whom many people want to involve in sexual scenarios so they go with the "asexuality is a spectrum" route. Problem is, they don't understand how asexuality is a spectrum exactly and then they just end up writing their characters as allo. Now, how to avoid this? Teaching them!

If you're looking for a good way to get started with your own asexual oc, an ace headcanon or a media charater, I've got you! (i mention sex briefly here in some parts)

My credentials: I'm ace.

The basics

What is asexuality?

Asexuality is a sexual orientation that is generally defined by the lack of sexual attraction, or a very little amount of it. Sexual attraction is many times confused with libido, which is the sexual desire. Sexual attraction is more accurately, "the desire of having sex with this specific person." Therefore, some ace people do have a libido, and do want to have sex, but mostly are just not attracted to a person.

Myths and misconceptions

Asexuals can't have sex - as many shippers say, "asexuality is a spectrum", and while some aces don't have sex indeed, they can want it and have it as well. Person to person scenario

Asexuals don't know nothing about sex - unless the ace in question is a child, they probably may know, in fact, a lot. Many ace people like reading, watching or consuming smut, and by this and other means, even if they don't have sex themselves, they pretty much know how it is and how it works. Sex is everywhere, after all. Hard to miss

Asexuality is caused by trauma - it can be! Just not always, and most aces are simply born this way

Asexuality is a medical condition - much like homosexuality, asexuality is frequently treated as an illnes and many ace people are forced into conversion therapy. Some people also hold the belief that asexuality is caused by an anormality in a person's hormones, a mental illness, etc. But it is not true! Asexual people can obviously also be mentally ill in some way, but these are different things. It is just a sexual orientation like any other!

Asexuality is caused by HRT - hormone replacement therapy, ie. taking testosterone or estrogen, is one of the most common type of medical transition for trans people. Some hold the belief that taking hormones like those can "break" your sexuality (estrogen does sometimes decrease a person's libido, but it depends on the person's organism and it doesn't take your sexual attraction away from you), and turn you asexual

Asexuality is caused by autism - this myth may be originated from the fact that many autistic people are in fact asexual, or by the fact that both asexuals and autistic people tend to be infantilized a lot. However, as much as autistic people are very commonly also ace, asexuality is not, in fact, a symptom of autism

Basic terminology

Ace - short for "asexual".

Aro - short for "aromantic"; someone who experiences little to no romantic attraction, aka typically "doesn't fall in love".

Allo - somebody who does experience attraction. "Allosexual" is someone who is not asexual, and "alloromantic" is someone who is not aromantic.

Aspec - short for "a-spectrum". The a-spectrum is an umbrella term for anyone who is in any way ace, aro, aplatonic, afamilial, or other identities that fit here.

Acespec - short for "asexual spectrum/ace spectrum". It's a part of the a-spectrum and contemplates all asexuality.

Aesthetic attraction - finding someone pretty or beatiful, without necessarily wanting to have sex with them. Many ace people who didn't know they were ace report to having used to mistake it with sexual attraction.

Sensual attraction - similar to sexual attraction; the desire to touch someone, but without wanting to actuall have sex with them. Many ace people also confused this with sexual attraction.

Aphobia - discrimination against aspec people.

Amatonormativity- the belief that everybody is happier in a relationship, wether they want it or not, and should want and seek to be in one, and the general root of aphobia.

The Split Attraction Model

If you are looking on the ace community for a while, you might have heard of the split attraction model--if you haven't, here it is:

Image description: The Split Attraction Model, a cross chart inside a square, with four ends. The first end of the cross is labelled "ace", its opposite is labelled as "alloce", the third end is labelled as "alloro" and it's opposite is labelled as "aro". The section on the "alloro" and "ace" square is labelled "alloromantic asexual", the section in the "ace" and "aro" part is labelled "aromantic asexual", the section on the "alloro" and "alloce" square is labelled as "alloromantic allosexual" and the section on the "aro" and "alloce" section is labelled "aromantic allosexual". /end ID.

The split attraction model divides all orientations in four groups: The aroaces, the aroallos, the alloaces and the alloallos. It is usually shortened to "SAM".

Many people find this model useful, because it sorts your attraction into two groups: allo- and a-, and yes and no. It's simple and easy.

Many aces do not use this model to explain their attraction/lack thereof though! Hence the first distinction of aces we have here: SAM-aces and non-SAM-aces. Basically aces who use the Split Attraction Model and aces who prefer not to!

A non-SAM ace may define their asexuality as their romantic orientation as well, or label themselves differently altogether. While a SAM ace could call themselves an "asexual aromantic" or an "asexual alloromantic", a non-SAM ace could call themselves just "an asexual". In this case, they can be neither "alloro" nor "aro".

If your character is aware of their sexuality and identifies as ace, it's good to know wether they use the Split Attraction Model for themselves or not.

The spectrum

You may have heard that "asexuality is a spectrum" a thousand times, but what does it mean?

Just like "non-binary", "asexual" can be an identity on its own, but it is actually an umbrella term for a bunch of orientations. When we say that it is a spectrum, we are saying that there is Nuance. "Ace who doesn't date", "ace who dates", "ace who experiences just a little bit of sexual attraction", "aces who like sex" and so on. 'But Angel', you ask me, 'didn't you say that asexuality is when people don't have sexual attraction?' It can be! But there IS nuance, and that's what I am here to tell you.

There are two more factors beyond the SAM that you can consider:

"Are they sex repulsed, sex favorable, or sex neutral?"

Here is the "aces can still have sex" thing. A sex repulsed ace is probably what the majority of people think when they hear "asexual". It is an ace person who doesn't like sex. Doesn't want to have it, is disgusted by it, despises sexual intimacy, etc. They are the aces who tipically just don't want to have sex, and are very happy without it.

A sex favorable asexual is someone who likes it. Sure, they don't feel sexual attraction, but who's letting it stop them, right? They like sexual acts, they are fine and happy with having sex in general, and that's what the "aces can still have sex" point means. Yes, they can, if they want to! Maybe your character themself doesn't define themselves as neither repulsed nor favorable, but it's good to know what their instance on sex is.

Sex neutral asexuals are aces who are not repulsed by it, but are not really into it either. They may have sex, they may be fine with it, they may like it even, but they generally don't have a desire or strong feelings regarding it. It's just sex, after all.

Sex ambivalent asexuals are another thing I want to touch on. They are tipically aces whose instance on sex changes! Sometimes they may feel repulsed by it, sometimes they may want it, sometimes they may not care. They are neither strictly one, nor another. Their feelings change!

It's good to see where in this categorization your character or blorbo would be.

Inside the asexual spectrum, where do they stand?

If I were to represent the ace spectrum as a linear thing, I'd do it like this:

Image description: A linear representation of the asexual spectrum, in the shape of an arch. In one end, it is written "asexual", on the other, it is written "allosexual" and on the very middle, at the top of the arch, it is written "gray-asexual". /end ID.

or like this:

Image description: Another linear representation of the asexual spectrum. One of the ends is a black circle and the other is a white circle. Between them, a gradient goes from one circle to another, passing through different shades of gray. The black end is labelled as "asexual", the white end is labelled as "allosexual", and the gradient with shades of gray is labelled "different kinds of Gray-As". /end ID.

What is graysexual, you ask me? We all know that the world is not black-and-white, and as so, sexuality is also not. Grayace is a term for a person that is also asexual, but not strictly: that is, they are the "feels a little of sexual attraction" part of the spectrum. It is called like that because when we put asexual and allosexual in two ends of a spectrum, graysexuality stands in this gray area.

Gray sexuals may:

Experience sexual attraction only sometimes

Experience light sexual attraction

Experience sexual attraction under certain conditions in certain scenarios, for example, when they are already very intimate with a certain person

And many more! Graysexuality is on itself a spectrum, but having an idea of allosexual -> graysexual -> strictly asexual is already a good guide. Graysexuality can also be described as "having partial sexual attraction".

Fun fact about gray-aces: The asexual flag has four stripes; purple, white, gray and black. The purple stripe is meant to be a color signifier of the community, the white means allosexual, the gray means the gray aces and the black stripe represents people with strictly no sexual attraction. Hence the term "black stripe asexual" (which is not very popular but I personally like).

Micro-labels

You already have a basic understanding of the asexual spectrum and how it works, so you can think on where exactly in the spectrum your character/blorbo is. To help you out further, I present you the microlabels! Much like non binary is an umbrella term with many microlabels like genderqueer, xenogender and demigender, that help one explain their identity with more and more specific explanations, asexuals also have a lot of microlabels! Here are some:

Cupiosexual - asexual person that wishes to have a sexual relationship (example: i am cupioromantic person and i am basically a hopeless romantic and a yearner. cupiosexuality is similar, but with sex)

Gray sexual - asexual person with partial sexual attraction

Demisexual - asexual person who can only be attracted to people they already have a bond with

Abrosexual - person whose sexuality is fluid, and may be asexual at one time, bisexual at another, gay at another, etc.

Aceflux - asexual person whose sexuality changes, like abrosexual, but only between asexual identities

Aegosexual - asexual person who likes the idea of sex or fantasises about it, as long as it doesn't envolve them

Lythosexual - asexual person who is only sexually attracted to people they are not close with, and their sexual attraction fades out once the become closer

Myrsexual - asexual person that uses multiple asexual identities to describe their sexuality

Aroace - aromantic asexual person

Alloace - alloromantic asexual person

Apothisexual - sex-repulsed asexual person

These are not all micro labels in the asexual spectrum, but they are quite a lot. Maybe even if your charater is not sure if they are in a certain label or not, you may find them in some of these descriptions.

Links to resources with more microlabels: Tumblr post by @aroacesafeplaceforall (no images) /

/ A slightly longer list on asexuals.net (undescribed flags) /

/ Another guide for microlabels on lgbtqia.fandom.com (undescribed flags)

Bonus questions

Is it okay if I make my asexual character autistic? Is it not stereotyping? Yes, it's okay. There are actual asexual autistic people, and I'm sure they'd love to get represented as well!

Is it okay if I make my asexual character have sex? Is it not erasure? Yes, you can do that too! As long as it is where they stand in the spectrum (as explained in the topics above), you are doing a good thing by representing sex-favorable asexuals.

Do I have to make a romantic orientation for them too? No. Your character may be a non-sam ace, and identify as ace alone!

I heard that it is erasure if I make smut fanfic of ace character X. I don't get it how! While it is true many ace people have sex, many people when writing that just ignore their sexuality when writing/drawing smut of them! The spectrum is wide, so when you are doing that, remember where they stand on it.

Why can't I headcanon this ace character as allosexual? I headcanon straight characters as gay/bi/pan all the time and nobody says it's wrong! If people don't like my headcanon why can't they just look away? Because asexual people are a marginalized group, unlike straight people, so it is as okay to make them allo as it is to take an asian or black or jewish character and make them white. Because it is not just an individual headcanon; it's a part of a much bigger problem, and by avoiding headcanoning ace characters as allo, you are confronting your own internalized aphobia, which is a good thing! If you still want to make them have sex, well, that's what I made this guide for! So you can make them have sex as you wish without erasing their identity.

I am ace and am basing myself or my own experiences here. Is it okay if I...? The answer is generally yes. If you wanna write about a different ace experience than your own, a little bit of research won't hurt, though!

Is this enough for me to write my ace character? It is a start. This is a general guide, and there are some things I haven't touched on this guide (like aphobia) so I'd advice you to do more in-depth research on topics you want to focus more on, but this should get you pretty far.

Extra

"Is Alastor from Hazbin Hotel canonically ace or aroace?" (slightly related, because some people looking for this guide to write this guy might want to know this too)

Answer: link to a post clearing this up this with some sources. Short answer though, is that he is confirmed to be ace, not aroace.

"If I didn't understand something here, or I have more questions, can I ask you?"

Answer: Yes! You can reblog this post with questions, and my inbox is also open, and I make sure to always let anon on. I will be happy to help if I can.

"One of the image descriptions on this post was off or confusing, can you change it to X so it is better to understand it?"

Answer: Of course! I will need you to signal me in either the notes or in the inbox what I need to change, though.

"Are asexual people queer?"

Answer: Yes! Because the queer community, as the name suggests, is for people who are different, odd, and are not considered "normal" because of that. Asexual people are not a part of "the norm", because we don't feel sexual attraction, and therefore, we, and by extension your ace characters too, are queer.

<2

[gallusrostromegalus]

AEIWAM zanpakuto ask:

Which zanpakuto spirit is your favorite to write?

Alternatively, who has the closest relationship with their zanpakuto? Who has the worst relationship?

1. Minazuki. I think she's the only one that has speaking lines that actually appear in the fic so far.

2. Closest relationship: Minazuki and Unohana. While most people retain a sense of separation between their kaku-kon/waking soul and their Yume-kon/dreaming soul, Unohana and Minazuki have learned enough about the malleability of The Flesh and Soul that they've stopped thinking about each other as discrete beings and more as one Being with two heads. Minazuki sometimes fully possesses Unohana's body when the human wants a break or the spirit is bored. It's fine though- Minazuki went through medical school with Unohana and is just as much a competent doctor as her wilder.

3. Worst relationship: there's a lot of ways for things to go badly between shinigami and Zanpakuto. Some examples:

-

Both Tousen and Zaraki do not actually know the names of their zanpakuto and have to go on a little adventure together to figure that shit out.

Neither of them have BAD relationships with their zanpakuto per se: both of them have been prevented from forming ANY relationship with their zanpakuto by outside forces- in Tousen's case, suzumushineas so hell-bent on revenge for Kakiyo that she effectively parasitized and suppressed his native Yume-kon to take it's place as his zanpakuto until Aizen was defeated. In Zaraki's case, he doesn't just know his Zanpakuto's name- he doesn't know his own name. At least, until the ink starts flaking off.

-

Komamura is not on speaking terms with his Yume-kon or "True" Zanpakuto. He is on GREAT terms with Tenken- but Tenken is a spirit he found and adopted back when he was a travelling priest/exorcist, who lives in the pauldrons Komamura is always wearing. Komamura absolutely refuses to go into the depths of his mind where his dreaming soul lives because he's TERRIFIED of it. He also has to go on a little adventure about that.

-

Isshin has always been impulsive but willingly cutting off Engetsu to save the life of a woman he met like ten minutes ago would have been the final straw, if Isshin hadn't already. You know. Cut Engetsu off first. Engetsu (or at least, the parts of him that were still around after the events of Everything But The Rain) was SO PISSED he fused with the remains of the Hollow "White" and some dead German guy to make up a new chimera of a spirit: Zangetsu.

-

Kisuke Urahara has talked Yoruichi into a lot of dumb shit, but probably the worst thing was attempting his "three days to Bankai" special confrontation training. It wasn't malicious, it was more like he didn't get that it wouldn't be replicable. Urahara's zanpakuto, Benihime, is a masochist and thoroughly enjoyed Kisuke being so rough with her. Wanting his best friend and lover to succeed as well, he recommended the exercise to Yoruichi and she, trusting her best friend and lover who had never led her astray before, decided to go through with it.

The Shihouin clan is an old and noble house and until then, had a family zanpakuto- the Shihouin Blade would die with the head of each clan and reincarnate with the next, under a new name, but with the wisdom of all its previous lives.

The Zanpakuto was so incensed by the cruel and cavalier way Yoruichi was treating it during the bankai speed run that it decided to kill itself instead of serving her.

It took Kisuke days worth of frantic improvisational surgery, some hogyoku bullshit and nearly all the healing capacity of the magical hot spring in the back of the training cave to keep Yoruichi from dying. The skills he learned there served him well with the Visored and when Engetsu 'died' on isshin during his battle with White, but he couldn't fix everything - Yoruichi is only at a fraction of her previous power, and has not had a single dream since the Zanpakuto left.

Worse still, the Zanpakuto does not seem to have re-incarnated. Urahara thinks it's a blessing- they went through some pains to hide the fact that Yoruichi lost the family sword, because the clan and possibly the entire Gotei-13 would turn on her in an instant if they found out. But Yoruichi worries- it SHOULD have re-incarnated in her baby brother Yushiro, but it didn't- is it gone for real?

Or worse, did it pick a new heir to the clan that they don't know about?

[vacationbimboschool]

Be over soon.

What happens when you decide to send rafe spicy pictures during dinner?

Content below: masturbation (m), dirty talking.

Words: 961

Rafe sat at the dining table with his family, settling in for their customary Sunday dinner.

Dressed in a black polo shirt and jeans, his fingers adorned with silver rings—the way you liked them—he exuded effortless charm.

Meanwhile, at home, you lay in bed when an unexpected thought suddenly crossed your mind.

makeup when a sudden idea crossed your mind.

It started as a fleeting, mischievous thought. He probably looked so good tonight—sharp, put together, effortlessly sexy in that way that made you ache. And yet, there he was, sitting through a formal dinner, playing the role of the perfect son while you were at home, alone.

A smirk curled at the corner of your lips. That hardly seemed fair.

You got up, reached for your phone, and snapped a quick mirror selfie—just your lips, slightly parted, glossed and inviting.

You sent it with no context.

Across town, Rafe felt the vibration in his pocket and glanced down, subtly unlocking his phone beneath the table. One look at your message and his jaw tightened.

He knew exactly what you were doing.

His step-mother was in the middle of discussing some charity event, his father nodding along while slicing into his steak. His sister, Sarah, swirled wine in her glass, half-distracted by something on her own phone. No one noticed the way his grip on his fork tightened.

And then—another message.

This time, the angle was lower. The camera caught the slope of your neck, the curve of your bare shoulder. Had you taken off your top? His breath hitched.

He swallowed, shifting in his chair. Behave, he wanted to text back, but he already knew that wasn’t going to stop you.

You were relentless.

The next photo came in, and it was downright sinful. You’d slipped your fingers into the waistband of your panties, pulling them down just enough to make his pulse hammer in his ears. The lace barely covered you, and fuck, you knew exactly what you were doing to him.

Rafe exhaled sharply through his nose, dropping his phone to his lap, out of sight. He clenched his jaw, fighting the urge to adjust the growing problem pressing against his jeans.

“Something wrong?” his father asked.

He cleared his throat, shaking his head. “Just a work text,” he lied smoothly. “Nothing important.”

Liar.

Another buzz. Another picture. This time? Completely bare. Legs spread just enough to be obscene, your fingers ghosting over that perfect heat he wanted to bury himself in.

His grip on the table edge tightened.

“Excuse me,” he muttered, pushing back his chair abruptly. His mother blinked in surprise.

“Everything alright, sweetheart?”

“Yeah,” Rafe said, voice tight. “Just need to make a quick call.”

He was already walking away, phone clenched in his fist.

And at home? You were already waiting.

Because you knew exactly what was coming next.

The moment Rafe locked the bathroom door behind him, he exhaled sharply, dragging a hand through his hair. His entire body was burning—pulse hammering, blood rushing south, jeans already feeling tight.

His phone was still in his grip, the screen glowing with your last message:

“All yours”

And attached—fuck, that video.

He tapped it, breath shallow as it replayed, the sound hitting him like a gut punch. The slick, obscene noise of your fingers working between your thighs. That soft little gasp, the way your back arched against the mattress. All for him.

His jaw clenched.

His other hand was already at his belt, shoving it open, fingers working in a rush. The metal buckle clinked as he popped the button on his jeans, yanking down the zipper with barely restrained urgency. His cock was already throbbing—aching against the tight fabric—and when he finally shoved his jeans and boxers down enough to free himself, he groaned.

Fuck, he was hard. Painfully so.

His fingers wrapped around his length, stroking once—slow, teasing. Precum beaded at the tip, smearing as he ran his thumb over it, eyes locked on the screen. His other hand flicked up the volume, needing to hear every last sound spilling from your lips.

Another text came through.

“Are you touching yourself?”

A sharp exhale. His grip tightened. His strokes grew rougher, faster, his hips twitching up into his own hand.

You sent another video.

This time, a close-up—your fingers slipping inside, that perfect little whimper as you stretched yourself open. Rafe’s breathing turned ragged, eyes dark with hunger. He imagined it—imagined how tight you’d feel around him, how wrecked you’d be if he were there instead of his fingers.

His pace quickened, fist pumping his cock in steady, desperate strokes. His shoulders pressed back against the door, muscles tensing, stomach flexing with every movement. The slick sound of his hand filled the small space, mixing with your moans from the phone speaker, filthy and fucking perfect.

Another message.

“Wish it was you filling me up instead”

His head tipped back against the wood with a muffled curse. His free hand curled into a fist, trying to ground himself, but fuck—he was already so close. His strokes turned frantic, hips jerking into his grip, breath coming in ragged, uneven gasps.

The thought of you—spread out, soaked, waiting for him—was too much.

His jaw locked. His abs went tight. And then—

A sharp groan left his throat, muscles seizing as his orgasm ripped through him. Heat flooded his palm, his strokes turning slow, milking every last pulse of pleasure as his cock twitched in his grip.

For a long second, he just breathed.

Then, as the haze slowly cleared, his phone vibrated again.

One last message.

“Did you just cum for me?”

A dark smirk tugged at his lips.

His fingers moved swiftly over the screen, typing back just three words:

“Be over soon”

[tickled-p1nk]

SLOWLY BUT SURELY ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

: ̗̀➛ summary: Royal! AU Blade x Arranged Wifey : ̗̀➛ cw: pure fluff, alludes to past trauma but very vague, cold Blade husband in the beginning : ̗̀➛ a/n: dedicated to @all-skedaddle-and-no-bop

Royal!Blade was not cruel as many rumors would suggest, nor was he neglectful. Instead he was quite the opposite, he made sure you had everything you could ever want and more. You were adorned with jewels and the newest fabrics. Instead he was cold, he did not pay attention to your emotional needs or wants and you barely spent any time together.

In Blade's eyes the marriage was only a means to an end, it only ever went through because it was the key to brokering peace between your two nations anyways. He believed that even as good of a person you are that he could never love or be loved as he is. He knows the rumors; how he was seen as cold, cruel, merciless. You, despite being as fierce of a warrior, were kinder, the face of happiness and peace in the empire, having more patience despite suffering many wounds similar to Blade's.

You saw your marriage with him and were reminded of your parents, father cold but not cruel and a patient mother neither of which never sought to heal their family. You did not want your children to have to grow up in an environment like that. You understood the toll endless wars took on the empire but family and the heirs of the empire were also of importance, not just to the family unit but also for the future of the empire.

You took it slowly, subtly, small gestures like getting Blade food and refreshment when he was spending long nights in his office. You asked him how he was doing, his day, if he needed or wanted anything. You learned about the person he was and slowly but surely you grew into love, you appreciated his tenacity and how straightforward he was, you saw how he used his distance as a shield to protect those close to him, you saw his pain that he hid behind his tired eyes, the intelligence and how his mind was a work of art. You started to engage in more open acts of affection, you helped him prepare his armor if ever he had to go out on battle or a peace meeting, you cooked foods for him that he seemed to like, you got him to bed when he was tired, you even managed to play with and style his long hair when he was stressed out in the office or when you started to share a bedroom.

Eventually you managed to make your way into his heart…

From Blade's perspective he was unsure of how to navigate such a relationship like husband and wife, he never opened his heart to anyone and you were no different.

Until…

He was surprised the first time you brought him food, he didn't know what to say so he just stared and nodded in carefully concealed awe. No one ever took care of him or cared for him in such a way. He saw how empathetic and kind and patient you are despite his cold and aloof demeanor. The first night he asked you to sit with him in his office you started fiddling with his hair. It was strangely relaxing. He felt warmth, a comforting heat different from the stress of war and battle. When you leaned in ever so closely to him and looked at the documents on his desk over his shoulder, resting your chin on his shoulder he felt a strange sense of comfort. 

The first night you slept in the same bed he could not sleep for a while, not out of discomfort but from awe of how peaceful you looked even in your most vulnerable state, your features illuminated by the moonlight, even with your messy blanket and sleep wear you were as ethereal as ever He wanted to get in closer, to take in your scent and hold you close to him where he could keep you safe, he didn't, but he wanted to. When you laughed he could feel his heart quicken ever so slightly and he wanted to hear it again and again.

Eventually you two set into a routine of quiet care, love, and understanding. He would not verbally express his love often but every morning he would kiss your forehead before getting out of bed, he would ask you how you were doing with the most serious face on and eyebrows furrowed. You would catch him staring in court or during formal dinners and you didn't know that all he wanted to do was get you out of here and smother you in kisses and love away from prying eyes. Nights were often the most peaceful, a time allotted only for you two to enjoy however you please.

After your first child he kissed you and thanked you for being in his life, never imagining that he could experience such happiness and peace and safety in his own lifetime. You reciprocated by cupping his face with one of your hands and gently kissed his forehead then lips and looking him in the eye with a gentle smile on your lips. It was slow but it worked out, a rare love not often found in situations like yours that fostered happiness and comfort even during such tumultuous times.

a/n part 2: haiiii, banner art credit to @donaldakron on twt (x wtv), divider thingies by @cafekitsune

[highbookwormofthecentury]

MISSA WHA—(fun fact—I used to have scoliosis and it was so bad that I almost had to get a back brace but I fixed my posture consistently enough that it’s barely noticeable now)

Hi! I’m Aster!

Last August, when I was 13, we’re on the second to last day of our vacation and my family decided to go jetskiing because we realized we hadn’t done it before and it seemed like it would be fun. We were all dressed in swimsuits save for my dad, who had on grey swimming trunks and the most neon yellow shirt known to man. Anyways, we were at a group jetskiing location, and there were maybe 20-30 other people there. The rules were few, and simple. Don’t leave the jetskiing zone indicated by the markers in the water, and coast/drive at a slow speed when within 100 feet of another jetski or person. The session was a hour long. My mom drove alone, my older sister drove with my twin on the back, and I was on the back of my dad’s jetski. Maybe 30 minutes in, someone ended up falling off their jetski, so my dad and I decided to tail my sisters to watch and ensure they were okay. Every now and then we went full-throttle when away from people, and it was both super fun and terrifying, because there were times that it would get really bumpy. My dad would always ensure I was okay, though, and he was good at avoiding the restless waters. Of course, I’m taking advantage of the jetski’s loud whirring preventing my dad from hearing me talk at a normal volume by singing Epic the Musical songs like Scylla (WE’RE ON THE WATER. THE OPPORTUNITY WAS RIGHT THERE.) Anywho, we also tried to keep track of my mom, and we’d catch a few glimpses of her, but then we’d lose sight of her jetski, so we mainly stuck with tracking my sisters. It was densely populated in the zone’s center, so they’d go in wide laps around the zone to avoid people. My dad and I followed the same route, both to keep track of them and to just have fun. About 50 minutes in, we lose sight of my sisters, so we drive and start drifting in the center while trying to find them again. We start to exit the center, so behind us and even slightly beside us there are still a lot of people, but we’re facing clear, open waters. At least, what would’ve been open waters if it wasn’t for the man on the jetski charging at us.

The man must’ve been somewhere between his late teens and early adulthood years, as he looked relatively young but was allowed to drive a jetski, so he had a license. He was driving at 20-35 mph, charging at us head-on. He made eye contact with my dad and I. We assumed he’d move since he had the momentum and we were both surrounded by people and out of momentum. He makes eye contact with us for nine. Fucking. Seconds. And doesn’t move out of the way. We realize he’s not gonna change course, and at the last second, my dad swerves to the left, so the man’s jetski hits the side of ours upon impact. His jetski rides up ours and strikes my dad, who falls into the water. I didn’t remember seeing this, only seeing my dad post-impact start to fall off. I fall off the jetski as well, and go flying a few yards before meeting water. When I resurface, it’s with aches at my waist intense enough to wince at. Apparently these were bruises, which I discovered later, but didn’t know at the time. I’m turning this way and that in the water, searching for my dad, but I can’t seem to find him. I make eye contact with the man who hit us, and he has the AUDACITY to look me dead in the eyes, and upon my glare, say that he “thought that we were gonna move”. Even though HE broke the speed rule. I call him out for this and he goes silent. I return to searching for my dad, and maybe 30 seconds after I ended up resurfacing, he did as well. The only reason I spotted him so quick was because of that neon highlighter shirt. I swam slightly closer to him, hesitant, and noted the multiple streams of blood trailing down his face and his glasses that were missing a lens. I swam over to him, but not close enough to make contact with him. I was terrified at the time that he had died

(a sense of wrongness had filled me completely, anxiety crawled into my mind. I normally only feel that way when something IS extremely wrong, even before I know what it’s in relation to. He should’ve resurfaced after a few seconds, right? Where was he—)

so finding out he didn’t was a HUGE relief. Still, I didn’t know how severe his injuries were, and that scared me. I knew that depending on his injuries there was still a good chance he might die. And I didn’t know the extent of his injuries’ severity. I remained close but without touching him, scared to aggravate his wounds. I don’t remember saying anything, just reaching my hand out to him. He saw me.

Everyone had halted using their jetskis, and they were all in a semi-circle formation around us. There was talking in the background that might’ve been one of the man’s friends berating him for his actions, or a group of girls arguing with him. I’m not sure entirely of what was going on, just focused on my dad. Eventually, a boat from the jetski company had came around for my dad. He tried to climb up but couldn’t move his leg. When the guy manning the boat lifted Dad into the boat by his arms, he screamed. He was okay (as okay as he could be) once he was on the boat. I swam over to my mom’s jetski, and my family failed the boat with my father back to the jetski company docks. There were police at the docks. They took statements from the people there, and helped my dad into an ambulance to the nearest hospital. A man also asked if anything felt weird, as a way to check if I was injured. I stupidly never mentioned thr bruises, as I didn't know what they were and didn't want to seem dramatic. Before heading into the ambulance, my dad had seen my family & i, and apologized for “ruining the vacation”, as if he was in the wrong, despite the fact that he did everything right. We assured him that he did nothing wrong, the other man did. My mom, sisters, and I ended up staying behind at the place because all of our stuff was in compartments of our respective jetskis. My sisters and I waited on a bench by a little food area that was part of the location. We discovered that the man who hit our jetski had been harassing a group of girls earlier, driving at fast speeds near them and not leaving them alone. The girls were very nice to us, and even got my sisters and I cups of water. Apparently, while our jetski had a giant hole in it, our stuff remained undamaged. Once we had all our stuff back, we started leaving the location. I had packed a sweatshirt earlier as a way to keep warm before the session, despite the bathing suit. I slipped on the sweatshirt, still cold from falling into the water. The man who hit us was near the entrance/exit of the location, and as we passed him, he uttered a "sorry" to my mom.

The drive to the hospital was scary. My mom and my older sister were holding themselves together. My twin was in shock, as she had originally just thought I had fallen off naturally, and laughed at the mental image. Then she had seen my dad's injuries, and all previous notions of humor had instantly been suffocated by a feeling of what the fuck. I was experiencing sudden, overwhelming waves of terror/anxiety that would come and go randomly.

We made it to the hospital, and I think we had brought his glasses and a shoe of his that had fallen off during the accident. My mom and I went to see him first, as only two visitors were permitted to remain in the room with the patient. It was there that we discovered his injuries. He had a broken bone in his face, probably where one of his glasses' lenses broke out of its frame. He also had a big gash on his leg and a bunch of bruises. The worst injury was his dominant arm's broken elbow, which broke upon direct impact with the jetski. My mom wiped dried blood off his face, and stayed with him for a little before going off to ask if the hospital could allow my sisters in here with us. I stayed with my dad. Apparently, he didn't remember the moment of impact, white had just overtaken his vision and then suddenly he was in the water with his glasses floating in front of his face. He grabbed them and swam. His glasses were in front of his face, meaning he woke up almost right after falling in the water, otherwise they would’ve sank. It took him thirty seconds to breach the water’s surface. While in a life jacket.

My mom returned and I wrote my statement on a piece of paper given to me by a super nice officer. My statement practically filled the whole page. My dad had to verbally say his, as he couldn’t write since it was his dominant arm that had the elbow break. My sisters were allowed into the room not long after, and we all stayed together. One thing I remember is that the hospital staff and the authorities were all very kind to us.

As of now, we are unable to sue until my dad has undergone all his treatment and fully recovered, so that we can sue them for the full cost. But, this means that until that happens, my family is stuck paying for all the medical treatment that the man’s carelessness inflicted on us.

Anyways I brought Eminem’s! :D

@weekend-whip @l0on

Omg does anybody wanna do like a tag game where we basically do that trauma salad trend???

For those that haven't seen it, the basic format is: "Hi my name is *name here* and *insert traumatic story here* and I brought *type of candy (skittles, twizzlers, etc)*!"

just gonna tag some people who might wanna do this but anybody can join in!

@bralnwashed @madigankrauss @the1970sdeadgaywizard-regulus @l1ve-l4ugh-lov3craft @aceofspades42 @noblehouseofgay

[ziggystardustmybeloved]

Unpopular opinion maybe but they did NOT destroy Hopper's character in season 3

He lost his daughter and after some years and tragedies that could lead to a complete disaster he found people he deeply cares about

1. He believes he's a curse. He says that in season 4. Everyone he loves he hurts. Pushing away people he cares about seems to be pretty in line with this belief he holds.

2. He lost his daughter. Now, he has El. He's scared his going to lose her bc she literally risks her life every time Hawkins in in danger. And don't forget that the government was looking for her. She wasn't going to school or anything. She was in the cabin all the time - protected by him bc as I said - he already lost a daughter before and El is in a constant danger. Now, El has a boyfriend with whom she spends most of her time. It's normal for a father to question his daughter's partner (to some extent). And he hear from Hopper that all Mike and El do is kissing and that it is constant. I know he's a bot of an unreliable narrator but... Mike and El are 13 at that time. It does not seem healthy. If I were him I would certainly be concerned. Also, we as an audience know Mike, but Hopper doesn't have have enough interactions with him to trust him completely.

3. He tried to ask Joyce out. She didn't show up. He's ego was crashed. And he's the chief of the police. He has a role to fullfill in a society. After losing his daughter he was drinking, taking pills and sleeping with random women. As if he was trying to prove himself. After everything that happened in Hawkins he started to be suspicious of things that other people might find... questionable to look into. He couldn't act as a "perfect chief of police" anymore. So he had to overperform in a different way. He lost his family. He realised that the world he has known for all of his life is... different. He stopped being an authority figure (do you remember when he had to arrest the protesters despite believing that they should be allowed to prostest? He had to conform not to lose his position. He didn't choose to be brave. He chose an option that would save his image and probably job even though it wasn't the right thing to do). And then - after all of that - he realised that the woman he's in love in and who understands and with whom he probably felt like he doesn't have to perform bc she doesn't and she'a not ashamed of it (she was sure that Will talked to her through lights)... doesn't want him. He failed most of the standards set for men in the 80s society. So he had to perform like he didn't.

4. About Joyce again. First of all, IMAGINE YOU INVITE SB FOR "NOT A DATE" AND THEY DON'T SHOW UP WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING AND IT TURNS OUT THEY WERE HANGING OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE. Secondly, if he can't be with her than he has to push her away to somehow get rid of those feelings. Again - he performs his manhood (bc of toxic masculinity standards IN THE 80S) and being in love with a woman who he can't have wouldn't help him in that. And as I said at the begining - everyone he loves he hurts. Maybe if he can't keep her close enough to protect her, he should keep enough distance not to hurt her.

Hopper also went through a lot and just because he's not a teenager it doesn't mean he doesn't have feelings and that societal pressures don't affect him. I'd argue that since he somehow was able to fullfill society's expectations at the begining and than he just couldn't anymore he's even more prone to this toxic overcompensation.

I hope that what I wrote makes sense and is understandable (english is not my first language). I just can't stand it when people argue that they "get the chacaters" and than hate on Hopper