#starting to think maybe the ones i dont recall have a big impact on if i have a shit day or not though

[sodrippy]

cultivating the ability to say "actually im not fucking doing this" when i have a bad dream the same way i do when i have a bad conversation

[traewilson]

So yesterday I saw Inside Out 2 in the theaters. Gotta say, I left quite conflicted. The film itself is good, pretty darn good, in fact. But all my thoughts about it that aren't just "the animation is purty", or "it made me laugh once or twice", were largely negative? It is decidedly, I dare say objectively worse than the first in most respects. This film gives the established characters much less to do that aren't Joy, and the new emotions are wafer-thin that aren't Anxiety. It isn't nearly as funny or as emotionally impactful as the first. If you're expecting any plot beat to hit as hard as Bing-Bong from the first, curb your expectations.

The old characters who aren't Joy aren't given anything interesting to work with. The new (non-emotion) characters are mostly bland and undercooked. One of these characters just plain disappears from the movie completely, never to be seen again, and it's so ODD. It's a kind of narrative sloppiness you usually dont get from animated films from Disney specifically.

And then there's the new emotions, most of whom are wafer-thin and barely even characters. Anxiety being the main antagonist is given dimension and nuance almost rivaling Joy, but Ennui? A one-note joke character. It's funny because Ennui is a big word so Joy calls her "Ui-Ui" instead. Embarrassment has a bit of nuance being the one emotion from the new batch to be friendly towards the older emotions, specifically Sadness, but otherwise again his whole bit can be summarized as: Ha Ha, Big Guy Be Bashful, Please Laugh. There's no spin on the joke. It's just that ancient moth-bitten joke, again. But Envy is I think the worst of the bunch. The character does nothing throughout the film. All they do is cheer on Anxiety. They don't even really act envious which is really really odd? You'd think they could be a twist baddie - where like Envy wants to take the controls away from Anxiety and run the show herself. This is one time that tired Disney trope of the twist villain could've worked. But THEN we wouldn't have the seemingly mandatory now Realistic Panic Attack Scene, so, this character just Exists. A vestigial character that adds nothing, does nothing - it just Is. Criminal waste of a talent like Ayo Edebiri. Darn shame. Maybe in the third one you'll get to do something.

The film tries to follow in the footsteps of Turning Red, in regards of being a analysis of life as a child entering puberty, and it's a wet fart in the wind compared to what Turning Red did. It doesn't have the honesty, the heart, the integrity - it's toothless. It's too generic to be of any use to someone in the same position as Riley in the real world.

But this isn't why I'm writing this. No. There's a specific scene in the movie that just hasn't left my head since I saw the movie, and I have to get my thoughts written down and out there so I can stop thinking about this already.

Minor unimportant spoiler here. So in one scene, Anxiety is compelling a team representing the imagination, if I recall correctly? Anyway, she's compelling the imagination - represented like animators working on animation - to draw up as many scenarios as possible that affirm their paranoia. Joy and Gang enter, and stealthily start drawing up potentially positive outcomes, upsetting Anxiety. Joy gives a rousing speech about how they should draw the things they genuinely believe in, and not let Anxiety push them around, culminating in a chair being thrown at the Apple commercial Big Brother monitor Anxiety is speaking to them through. The mind cops show up, Anger immediately tries to pummel them (based,) and the gang is forced to run away.

To me, this is yet another in a long line of Disney not so subtly trying to control or manipulate discourse through their art / product. Now, an important disclaimer: Of course, all art is trying to say something to the audience - at least any art worth its salt does. But this isn't any one artist's messaging; this is the Walt Disney Corporation's messaging, to my thinking. The difference should be stark between the messaging of a lone human being and a monolithic megacorp's executive staff. Be aware: this is my read. If you don't see what I see, cool and fine. Just keep an open mind.

This sequence has no bearing on the rest of the story. It's a digression that only exists for the sake of the message contained within. It obviously is addressed partially to Disney animators. Disney is acknowledging they've been overworked before, and it gives them the false hope they have a voice within the company, that they can defy their boss and make a stand. They can draw what they want! They can say no! This is, of course, nonsense. Disney does not support this. If their workforce acted out like this, they would all be fired, and Disney wouldn't lose an ounce of sleep over it. I feel like it's a message to the audience as well - a virtue signal to give the dullard audiences the impression they're Good Guys when they most definitely are not that. And I feel it's sending another message to both animators and audience - the solution isn't actually changing anything. The bad leader is calmed down, put back in their place within the system, and the old leader restored. This kind of messaging is mind poison to a susceptible mind, young or old. You dont change anything. Only the leaders can fix the problem with leadership, and the solution is simply to get the Right Leaders in charge again, for everybody to reconcile their differences. I see Anxiety as the Republican Party in the eyes of the executives / writers and directors - mentally unstable, but well-meaning. A vital component to the functioning of the Body, but one that needs to be kept pacified or it will run out of control and cause damage; try to dominate the Body and cast out the people who know what they're doing. Anxiety is, to my thinking, conservatism in the eyes of the team / the executives. You could extrapolate extrapolate it out so that Anxiety is literally Donald Trump. Admittedly the evidence is slim. The domineering (orange) authoritarian who monopolizes the power around themselves. Envy is the mindless sycophant who blindly agrees to everything Anxiety says - the Marjorie Taylor Greenes, the Ted Cruzes, the Lindsay Grahams. Ennui holds the controls too, but does nothing with them beyond introducing sarcasm to Riley's mindscape. Ennui is the passive fool who sees everything going down and just Does Not Care enough to do anything to stop it. And Embarrasment, in the eyes of the team, is the Good One who is doing good behind the scenes, helping Sadness. The liberal image of the ideal Republican. This is, I admit, a major stretch, and it's ultimately just my read. But I don't think I'm completely off base here.

Uhh, so yeah. Not Pixar's best, and not really spectacularly bad in a way that's at least memorable like Cars 2 or Good Dinosaur. No, it's just another Pixar movie. And you know? I almost think that's worse than if it were a spectacular failure. Cars 2, Good Dinosaur, they make me really stop and think. They're fascinating. Inside Out 2 isn't interesting. It's emblematic of the continued downward spiral of Pixar into becoming an empty shell, fully filled by Disney.

But hey it played the Triple-Dent Gum jingle again and Anger hates cops so 8/10

[doomzday-zone]

sighsss see like......... idk. i hink its more of a moral thing than like, having actual evidence for it. and also i think its people also giving William a lot of the benefit of the doubt, considering we dont actually see what evens death does to william thru his eyes, personally. hut still smth abt this conclusion just doesnt !!!! sit right with me !!

first even if we dont see it from williams eyes i do still think his actions can be very telling as well..? and i just cant recall any precedent being set about..... williams remorse....or guilt orrr grief or whatever? like i just don't think thats a part of him we see in the games. so when people put that onto him it just feels like.... like WHERE did this come from 🤨 ?

whereas we HAVE seen. williams egotism..... and even disregarding the stuff we get that more evidently reflects this even just looking at his actions earlier in the series yknow???? yknow????? and i think its just, more likely of a thing to...... put in that. like slot ig if that makes sense . like it makes marginally more sense to attribute his child resurrections to the ego r whatever of it than anything else.

but also its just likeeee !!! like we'll probably never really get a clear cut THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT WILLIAM AFTON THOUGHT AND FELT ABOUT THIS EVENT: (and this is excluding the books since i havent read the big novels so i cant say anything particular about his characterization there) yknow what i kean though???? well jever REALLY KNOW the kind of impact evans death had on william to the T. i can just say for certain its just really off to me......

AND. NOT TO MAKE THIS ABOUT MOVIE AFTON but i think this also proves my thoughts abt him???? like literally all of them?????? wr never ONCE see him like wracked by guilt and while we dont get an EXACT motivation for killing ppl i like .

like people r so obsessed with figuring out EXACTLY whats wrong with him and EXACTLY this and that that i think people miss the point. Severely. much like in real life its not as simple as, 'well this thing happened to them so this is why their evil!' people are EXTREMELY. EXTREMELY NUANCED AND COMPLICATED. and again WELL MIST LIKELY NEVER GET AN EXACT REASON WHY HES LIKE THIS. AND I DONT THINK WE NEED TO AND tbh i think itd probably make him less realistic and compelling.

William Afton is a serial killer, hes a serial killer who murders children. he does not need a deep psychoanalysis n whatever shit, again like REAL LIFE SERIAL KILLERS theres no looking at everything and pining smth down for sure you cant. you cant truly comprehend someone like that, theres a million possible reasons why william could be like this, and while no. i dont think he was just capital e Evil brok the day he was born the fact of the matter is we dont have enough info about him BEFORE all of this to be sure.

i think the most likely scenario is that it was a slow incline, its possible he killed small animals before this perhaps in his youth, maybe he accidentally killed someone and it pushed him even further down this path. obviously he didnt just Become this one day, it was most likely a long time coming. again: Normal Well Adjusted Individuals Dont Just Start Serial Murdering Children <3333

and like....... yea...... just. yea....... i dont think its a totally unreasonable conclusion to make. i just dont think its really correct or the Most reasonable all considering.

i just think like, obv we didnt get a true backstory for william afton, there are bits of him we just will not understand and arent relevant to the story at hand, there IS a reason why we dont see further back for him. and ik this might be hard to grasp in a fandom where 95% of everyone tries to piece everything together PERFECTLY to find the FULL TRUE 100% SOLVED answer. but thats just? not the point of fnaf, like in general? i mean if it was we would have a more conclusive timeline wouldnt we? and i just think this is also encapsulated in william afton himself.

my onion 🧅

[kazumasougi]

ranting abt some problems i had with gowr in a needlessly long format below. warning for major gow2018 end-of spoilers below as well

i think like the biggest problem with gowr is like. they spent so much time trying to add new shit that they fell flat on delivering their most prominent plot point. which is deeply deeply upsetting to me honestly. like the entire plot of god of war is that atreus wants to start a war (bring on ragnarok) and he starts recruiting people to help him fight it. while kratos is like you dont know what it means to start a war (coming from the . god of war. lol). all the while atreus is unaware that the jotunheim prophecy states kratos is going to die while atreus takes odin’s side. and like this is an excellent setup because it gives you a conflict and potential consequences. and constantly the buildup is kratos and mimir talking about how he is going to die and how kratos doesnt want to have any regrets so he sets atreus on a good path forward while atreus finds out in another way that kratos will die. the entirety of that culminates in kratos and atreus agreeing that they will forge their own path forward. which is a lovely sentiment

however throughout the game it kind of feels like an empty promise. to be completely honest. like there is not a single point in the game where it feels like kratos’ life is genuinely being threatened. there is no singular event that says “This is the part where he’s supposed to die”, nor is there any follow-through on HOW exactly atreus and kratos avoid their own fate. like. the buildup is completely for nothing. granted there is a point where atreus works under odin and is so convinced that hes maybe doing the right thing and that odin isnt so bad. which is where you would expect the story to go narratively. but the other half of the prophecy is so fully ignored that it feels like all of it was honestly for nothing

not to mention like the game generally just feels… rushed??? like the parts of the story where youre attempting to recruit people to help you doesnt feel very complete. ESPECIALLY when you have to go to surtr to ask him to become ragnarok. like the myth is he and sinmara combine to become ragnarok. reasonably surtr does not want this because that is his wife and they forced themselves to be in separate realms for the sake of not creating Big Scary Monster. and it would inevitably end in both of their deaths. and if i recall correctly in the files of the game there is an unfinished sinmara model so they mustve originally intended for her to be in the game as part of atreus’ quest. but what actually happens is surtr is like “oh your blades are made of primordial fire just stab me with them and ragnarok is good to go without needing my wife” (?????????? YOU ARE IN THE. PLANE OF PRIMORDIAL FIRE. THAT IS WHAT MUSPELHEIM IS. IF THAT MADE SENSE THIS WOULDVE ALREADY TRIGGERED RAGNAROK ANYWAYwhatever who cares) and then he becomes ragnarok without his wife. alright sure. what the fuck. you do not ever visit sinmara until you go to niflheim and you hear crying from some arbitrary direction because she does not have a character model. you just hear her sobbing. its sad but like ok.

but the worst part of this is like Ragnarok shows up at the war on asgard and he is the fucking opposite of helpful. like he is destroying everything of atreus’ forces, which already are so few, and ends up killing one of the more well-developed characters in a twist that does like zero justice to him and anyone. now this isnt me saying freyr shouldnt have died bc this is what happens in the myth. its right for him to. but it was executed SO poorly it hardly left any impact at all. like why bother with the ragnarok plotline if theres no followthrough whatsoever… you dont even see freya mourn the loss of her brother, who we saw was like. incredibly important to her throughout the game

and i think ragnarok’s biggest problem is that while it was clearly made with so much love and care for both mythology and alternative storytelling, it seems like they wanted to focus on. More more more. more mechanics more menus more shitty uis that are genuinely HARDER to navigate than 2018. what the fuck is with the 20 complicated skill trees. it did not need that many moves like whatsoever. i dont even use like 70% of them because they arent practical to use in combat anyway. they changed the way armor works with the fucking. yggdrasil amulet??? what is that. it took several days to figure out what the menuing even was because they made it so much more confusing for no reason. why are there different skill trees for different companions that you have for five minutes total in the game. there was no reason for that. and like it was awesome seeing atreus have a specific skillset for when you play as him as well as his own rage meter but he doesnt use any of these skills when hes kratos’ companion so like…????? what was the point of upgrading him for like 3 short sections of the game

i also fucking hate the use of sigil arrows theyre stupidly finicky and near useless in combat. sorry. force arrows feel like a cheap rebrand of light arrows from 2018 and thats FINE, but i think they shouldve just kept light and shock arrows. the mechanics for the new ones are absolutely awful i did not like them at all. sometimes you know exactly how to solve a puzzle with atreus’ (or freya’s) arrows but you cant get the placement of them right because the way sigil arrows work is ridiculously unclear with its current visuals. i hated using them and i hated trying to play out the puzzles for the nornir chests because the mechanics are straight up bad.

additionally they introduced the spear weapon because you need it to defeat one enemy. now listen i liked the storyline behind this one a lot. some good cutscenes with that one. I HATE USING IT THOUGH… I guess they were like “we need a weapon thats specifically for the ranged combat playstyle!!” which i can understand but isnt that the entire fucking point of having the axe. like. with the recall. the draupnir spear feels unbelievably lacking as one of the main weapons you can have and if im honest IT MAKES SWITCHING WEAPONS UNBEARABLE DUDE. the response time to trying to change weapons has a delay so if you try changing to another one mid combat sometimes it straight up ignores you. which makes fights with enemies that require being hit by different certain weapons all the more annoying. additionally it takes up the same button as bare-handed/shield attacks so its fucking impossible to go barehanded mid combat when you actually need it (which, admittedly, is not as necessary if you dont care about stun or knockback. but i *do* so like…) also it doesnt really do much damage it just does stun. again a fun weapon for people who want to do stun damage long ranged but that kind of defeats the purpose of being able to go barehanded.

also i think the addition of 20 differwnt shields is deeply unnecessary and while i liked the stone wall shield (what a name 💀) the reason kratos uses the one he has at default is like. “it was a gift from my wife!!” which is sweet. and then theyre like “um no actually kratos you can use some of ours because yours broke” (it makes no fucking sense that his shield broke. what do you mean it Broke. you used it for all of 2018) like i definitely enjoyed them more than i enjoyed using the spear but. they didnt need to add so many. they just didnt.

and then they added more types of rage too. and im like jesus christ ENOUGH with the options ??? please???? i dont want this many. they also made the selections of armor deeply underwhelming and i didnt feel satisfied with using any of them other than like. sols spaulders. which didnt even matter because they nerfed the fuck out of every enemy and boss in this game that was actually supposed to be hard. the spiritual successor to sigrun, gna, was like. nothing. it was nothing im sorry that shit was leagues easier than battling sigrun on the same difficulty. and then they introduced the berserkers which is like. ok. the same shit 20 times in a row. whereas you could tell each of the valkyries had their own distinct fighting style, the berserkers are just like. fight this guy! now fight him again. now fight two of them at the same time. i never even killed king hrolf because i didnt give enough of a fuck to continue and i LOVE 100%ing a good challenge. its bad game design its like they just took one of the base berserkers and gave him a substantially longer health bar. maybe this is supposed to be a callback to the travelers from 2018 but those werent made as full bossfights. nor were they interesting enough to be such. comparatively the draugr holes (…) were ok i guess. like they were fine. theyre short challenges that you can very easily encounter way way WAY too soon in your playthrough though

whats more is for gowr it introduces realms that you knew of in 2018 but never got to visit. and they were mostly executed beautifully like i adored seeing all of svartalfheim and i really liked seeing the fimbulwintr versions of realms they let you visit originally, like how niflheim is no longer some fucked up foggy area from ivaldis workshop and how midgard is all snow and ice. but again whenever i visited these areas for optional quests it just felt like More More More…

idk i did very much enjoy playing ragnarok but some aspects of it were just. i didnt like them. and it took up time and effort that probably would have been better spent developing the story further. meeting sinmara was definitely needed to compliment the story arc about atreus acting reckless about the war and its really disappointing that you dont get to. i kind of wish they let this one cook for an extra year or two

[stargirlwnchstr]

I have a visual to share with y'all. Say welcome to my long ass 'The Foxes + tiktok' headcanon

@ nickythefox_es (part 1???)

Basically Nicky gets tiktok but all of the foxes show up eventually and just use his profile.

• Most of the videos are with nicky and allison, also matt and dan and occasionally neil.

• Allison and nicky learn so many dances.

• Their duet of make his pockets hurt with Mariah and Zane from the vlog squad is the first one to go v i r a l.

• Yeah most of their followers know them but some and a lot of the comments are non exy fans that just watch them because they're cool

• So many of the "what is exy" "stickball game??" "dont even bother explaining to me what is the sport they play I dont care I'm just here for neil." And related comments get a liked from creator (andrew told nicky to like them)

•The "Oh my god she's coming." "I'm so afraid of her." Audio are the twinyards and nicky shows up, he had to bribe them to be a part of that one.

• They post another version but it's Kevin that enters and Allison and Nicky talking

• So many comments thirsting over them and calling matt and dan parents

• "the real bisexual struggle is simping for matt and dan in the same tiktok." -> liked from creator nickythefox_es commented/replied: ASDGFKSSDWADKWB

• Someone makes a 'put a finger down: Neil Josten edition' and nicky drags him to do it. They both smile as they listen to the prompts and Neil obviously puts all his fingers down but they're like "put a finger down if you clapbacked/if you bad mouthed someone (bonus points if it was on national tv)" "put a finger down if you're under 6 feet" "put a finger down if you love exy" and the last one just says "put a finger down if andrew minyard." Neil does and smiles at someone off camera. Needless to say it goes viral as well. A few weeks after nicky gets verified.

• Allison becomes friends with thenavarose and wisdom sorry I dont make the rules (they're fashion tiktokers)

• They make a series of rating each of the foxes throughout the day, including one of Wymack.

• They do receive bad comments, from bitter ravens fans or just recalling their pasts and nicky sits down and makes a video telling everyone about how they do this videos for fun they dont need hate and negative comments on their videos and all that

• Then another one posted minutes after, neil comes in and nicky says "okay neil you have one minute. Rant off." And neil goes on this rant like how they already hit Rock bottom a single comment is not gonna hurt them and "do you get how insignificant and meaningless your lives must be? You took the time to write and post a comment that you thought was gonna cause an impact and failed. Also thanks for the comments though it helps nicky stay on the algorithm." NICKY SCREECHES AND THE VIDEO ENDS WITH THEM SMILING

• Allison vlogs neil and her going shopping or thrifting also cutting Neil's hair

• *neil walks into the room wearing his orange bandana* *camera moves and zooms on Andrew's face* he doesnt lip sync but the song sings "oh noo I think I'm catching feelings" andrew tells him to delete it "but it already has thousands of likes andrew"

• They post some of their work out routines per request

• One of them is the fast and "I'm spinning like a ballerina" chill of neil just running on the treadmill and doing sprints and squats and leg stuff while it cuts to allison doing a bit of everything but looking like a queen on a matching set.

• A fun one that goes viral for "vine energy" is: it's very quiet on the court and Kevin, very in the zone, throws the ball to the goal, which Andre's catches easily and almost without moving. The camera goes back to kevin as he screeches and let's himself fall on the ground. Neil is standing beside him shaking his head and looking at the goal with a smile on his face.

• They try to teach neil the dances but while filming one of them he just leaves. They post it either way.

• They're in the bus, nicky is on selfie mode and says "it is game day my dudes" he turns and shows the whole bus S C R E A M S, in the corner Wymack is covering his face.

• The iconic "they say drunk thoughts are sober words" or something like that and it cuts to a series of videos of the foxes drunk af. Example: Nicky grabbing Allison's face and saying 'Remember. Bread. Head. Leave.' And allison nodding.

• Nicky films kevin standing up and put the "do you ever wonder what is going on inside their head?" And it cuts to pictures of racquets and exy and Jeremy Knox and one that says history stuff.

• Another one that goes viral is kevin very seriously and p e r f o r m i n g, rapping Jefferson's side of the cabinet battle #1 from Hamilton then towards the end andrew stands up in front of him and with his iconic bored expression he starts rapping Hamilton's part. Behind the camera there's a soft "...oh my gOD" and kevin is shocked eyes widen open and then the camera zooms on Neil who's mouth is open in shock but GRINNING and ~impressed~

• Dan and matt do The challenge, you know the one that like has to flip them over and all that and they ace it, nicky points the camera to where andrew and neil are stating and Andrew says no.

• A few minutes later another video of the challenge is posted only this time is matt and neil.

• Nicky and allison are in full gear filming a dance video (maybe savage or captain hook) on the court and someone films them filming that and then Wymack looking at them SO disappointed cut to Wymack with nicky's phone, having confiscated it and nicky besides him "coach, it's cardio!"

• Hours spent trying trick shots

• Foxes: "get back! Move!" Ravens: "Let me in! I be the I g g y!" Trojans: "Oh my God do no let her in" Foxes: "I am trying!"

• Nicky lying down: "okay but someone needs to tell me how old is the shirtless pottery guy. I can't be part of another controversy. It's for science c'mon. *debby Ryan's*"

• Someone comments "he's eighteen. Simp away, nicky." And he makes a video with his feet swinging and smiling. Aaron gets on the frame and says "we are deeply in need of some bowls." The caption: hi @ papapots

• They are verified so obviously he gains a couple of thousands followers and he duets smiling and with a package in his arms. Text: thanks for the support (and hi new followers from sport side of tiktok hope you enjoy my pots) caption: hi @ nickthefox_es I got you aaron.

• After the package comes they duet it with nicky screaming and showing off the goods and then he moves stop show andrew eating ice cream out of one of them. Caption: AJSNEPWLDKSS THANK YOU DAX

• Allison and nicky do the "I love you!" "No you dont topper! You love the idea of me. You love being seen with me but you dont love me." But nicky is Sarah and allison is topper. Next day the obx ig page reposted it "we stan the psu foxes pogues for life." And chase stokes posts it on Twitter saying "yoo the palmetto foxes watch??? my show???" Nicky takes a screenshot and on green screen he says "hi chase!! We do! The whole team binged it. Currently we've been debating who of us is going to dress up as pogues for Halloween." A lot of voices start arguing and as nicky is gonna enter the debate the video cuts.

• Allison does the facetime *deep male voice says hey* prank on them. Neil doesnt react. Nicky doesnt look up from his phone but does the finger thing and says "get that d, allison!" Dan and renee look at each other and then at allison and she bursts out laughing.

• aaron studying to be a doctor: *two plus two is four etc sound* andrew (eating pretzels from the bag while watching a game show lying down in a bean bag) and his eiditic memory [basically not needing to study]: *three is a magic number sound*

• Nicky runs through the court and enters the lounge beside the photo wall there's a poster he shows the camera as the sounds says it "alive ahaha fuck"

• Somehow they convince all of them to show up and do the wipe it down trend that ends up with wymack throwing the towel at the mirror.

• Comment: so how many members of the team listen to girl in red or sweater weather? Nicky stands there with the color filter: 👁👄👁👉👈 caption: yes❤

• He gets neil to duet to the whole "british people be like". "Neil I'm not british." "Part of you is so just read the tweets." He does and the comments are all thirst and simping

• Comment: raise your hand if you've been victimized by neil josten. Where my fellow Simps at? (The comment gets hundreds of thousands of likes) they make a video, everyone on the team except aaron who walks out raises their hand as the sound says "welcome to simp nation" kevin rolls his eyes but raises his, says something that nicky captions "i simp over his exy skills". andrew doesn't at first, but next to him neil whispers something and after andrew says yes, neil grabs Andrew's forearm and raises it. Andrew looks away and neil smiles.

• Nicky lying down: okay but what if Jean moreau traded places with the french guy from here you know who, david.

• Comment "ugh your mind nicky" reply video: right? Big brain, many thoughts, head full all the time. But like actually the idea of david playing exy and Jean hanging out with ducks and making viral tiktoks just-

• Comment "i feel you and @ austincantdrive would make the best chaotic duo" reply: we would be too powerful together. Austin replies too: agree.

• Allison makes a sports jersey/comfy wear but make it fashion and she styles herself. Everyone on the comments d i e s for her.

• Comment "okay but what about the boys. help allison." She makes a video too with matt and nicky and at the end neil wears an orange crop top and the internet b r e a k s

• Comment "allison do you listen to girl in red?" video reply: her winking at the camera and lip syncing as sweater weather plays. The comments a lot of them liked by creator: a win for the girls (and the boys)

• Upperclassmen Back in 2003: okay but hey do we always have to be involved? Can we do normal stuff that normal people do, like, go for brunch? Us (aaron, andrew, kevin and me): what the fuck is brunch?

• Of course they do the mr blue sky trend. Nicky: drunkenly goes to flirt with a guy. Aaron: drunkenly follows to get away from kevin. Kevin: drunk on pure vodka reminds us we have practice in the morning.

• Or another one all of them. Neil: ready to insult a reporter. Dan: tries not to laugh on camera. Matt: gets ready to hug him afterwards Allison and Nicky: Filming everything. Wymack: the only one trying to stop it from happening and failing.

• Dan and matt duet their reactions to every video edit of them, smiling and saying "your parents love you guys!".

• Comment "literally what is wrong with the ravens/ravens fans?The foxes are such a nice group of people and they're doing great in the sport y'all worship just shut up you cult-y athletic hype house." video reply: "ladies and gentlemen. The volume inside of this bus is A S T R O N O M I C A L."

• comment video reply: okay so we're not gonna talk about nicky at the gym?? Bc C A K E. nicky lip syncing "I'm glad you brung it up because I've been dying to talk about this for a fucking hot minute. First of all-"

• Colin uses one of Neil's or Andrew's interviews replies as one of his sounds and nicky fanboys a lot

• Allison and nicky do the Kardashian sound compilation.

• Nicky with a picture of Erik on green screen: "hi I just wanna say if you look anything like this please contact me. Thank you." Caption: miss u baby. And Erik watches his tiktoks and he facetimes him immediately. Nicky takes a screenshot and duets his own video crying with the screenshot caption: SKALSBSKAJSL Erik comments: stop making tiktoks and answer the phone, hemmick. Nicky replies: yessir everyone below comments keyboard smashes and you got a good one. Goals. Lmao kids that's what we call bottom panic. We stan one healthy long distance relationship and after that a bunch of long distance relationship questions that he makes another video on.

• A video of Katelyn and neil chatting and it pans to the twins watching them with the *when worlds collide sound*

• He reposts a snippet of one of his interviews post game where he grabs the mic from the reporter and nicky: can I say something? Reporter: sure, go ahead. Nicky: thank you. *looks straight into the camera* all the birds died in 1986 due to Reagan killing them and replacing them with spies that are now watching us. The birds work for the bourgeoisie. Thank you." And leaves. IT GOES VIRAL INSTANTLY.

• Comment "is everyone else gonna forget that tiktok where he said he was already part of a controversy? We stan a problematic icon?" Video reply: guys I might have been part of a whole Twitter beef thing against my little hoodie and Bruce hallway but c'mon, like, c'mon you can't blame me.

• Comment "for neil: does the carpet match the drapes 👅😍?" Video reply: neil on selfie mode. "Allison gave me her phone, told me to answer this and ran away so umm." He reads the box on the screen and frowns he walks and stands next to the window, where Andrew is sitting down and is barely seen on frame. "uhmm, the internet is confusing. Our carpet is like this" he turns the phone and shows the floor (grayish carpet) and then back at him "but we don't have drapes so, technically they don't match, I dont know." Andrew's head goes up and simply says "Neil." Neil turns "what?" And the video ends.

• of course nicky and allison do the WAP dance, on the court, when they should be running drills.

[myriadxofxmuses]

Emily: 🗝 ― a memory you never want to forget.

Oscar : 👥 ― a memory involving a friend.

Joker: 🧠 ― a memory that had a big impact on you.

Orfeya : 🌈 ― a memory you’re not sure actually happened

Ethan : 🌑 ― a fading memory.

X

Ethan : 🌑 ― a fading memory.

A soft chuckle escaped him "I don't have too many memories that aren't faded. I don't see much need to reminisce about such meaningless times throughout my life.  However, if a memory is one that you want, a memory is what you'll get."

He shifted in his seat, discomfort creeping through his veins as he recalled his youth.  I t was full of  lot of doubt, self hate, and solitude.  There wasn't a time that Ethan didn't remember where he was surrounded by friends and family who loved and cared for him.

Except maybe once.

"This one is fuzzier than the rest," he started with a small motion near his head. "I remember it was dark and quiet before I was blinded by a bright light.  I had no idea what was going on and a pair of hands started pulling me closer to it. And then all of a sudden there was lots of noise - machines beeping, voices I didn't recognize, that sort of thing - and I started crying. It was honestly a little terrifying," he feigned admitting, rubbing the back of his neck. "Yea. I think my birth was probably the last time I truly felt any love from my mother. From my while family really," he added with a nonchalant shruge before a conniving smirk tugged at the corner of his lips before allowing his laugh to fill the air - the memory total bullshit.

Orfeya : 🌈 ― a memory you’re not sure actually happened

"I'm not sure if it was a dream or not, but there is only one memory that fits the bill," she started with a slight smirk. "It's nothing scandalous or adventurous or anything like that.  It is a very small, romantic gesture that may or may not have happened. We had been partaking in a mindmeltingly hot day of floating. By the time it happened my brain was fried and I was tipsy, so it is quite possible I had imagined the whole thing."

She began recalling a few seemingly necessary events from earlier in that day - everybody getting to the campsite, setting up, the float itself.

"I don't know if I imagined it, but even though it had technically been deemed a 'team building retreat', Scott always managed to find a way for the two of us to be teamed up.  I thought it was pretty cute actually and we had a blast.  I honestly don't know if I would have had as fun as I did set up with someone else," she admitted freely.

She shifted her seat and rocked a bit from the tingle of euphoric excitement as she let the memory fondly play through her mind.

"You know, it gets surprisingly cool at night by the river," she mused as her mind lingered on it. "I guess that's why people still want to have bonfires in the middle of summer. Especially after a float. But we had one just the same as all the other floaters. They dotted the edge of the water like fireflies," she said with quiet amazement. "I remember ours was going and I was sitting on the ground on a log we'r turned into a makeshift seat. Everybody was all around drinking, grilling, doing their thing, and Scott came over, sitting next to me. And this is where things get a little fuzzy," she started explaining with a wave of her hand by her head. "We had some small talk - some that were there have accused us of flirting - and I was feeling extra loose because of the alcohol and I may have....sort of....maybe kissed him? It's horrible to admit, but after that I dont remember a thing. I woke up in my tent. Alone and hungover, feeling like total shit.  When I came out to try Scott scrounge up some breakfast, Scott acted as if nothing had happened. Everything had gone back to normal," she told them openly, not knowing that she had passed out as soon as her lips touched his which accounted for the lapse in memory.

"I've been too embarased to bring it up because I was so drunk that night. And in front of my boss. I'm surprised he didn't fire me over it. It was very unprofessional of me.  But also because if it did happen, I'm kind of for it and he hasn't brought it up, which has to mean he wasn't. Right?"

Joker: 🧠 ― a memory that had a big impact on you.

"There is only one memory worth giving such credit - my rebirth," he said with a small flourish.

He couldn't remember much before that fateful night, but he had to assume there hadn't been too affected by anything. Otherwise he would have remembered it. Right? But this memory was the most complete one left on the shelves of his mind.

"The night was like any other - cold, dark, and gloomy. The ideal setting for the perfect crime. Or so I thought," he started, a grimace tugging at his lips with the reminder of the failure that brought the Bats his way. His eyes stared off at nothing as the memory was pulled from the shelf and dusted off for his regaling.

"I was minding my own business --"

A complete lie.

"-- on my way to work the night shift at the factory. Ace Chemicals.  It was tough work, but it put food on the table," he continued lieing.

In reality he had been hired to take out a thorn in the Maroni family's side - Thomas Wayne. The wealthiest resident in Gotham and gotten himself mixed up with the wrong family. The big man himself, Sal Maroni, couldn't let the Wayne fortune used to run him out of town and hired J to dry up the Falcones reservoir. It set of a chain of events that would forever change Jack Napier's life.

"I was almost there when I came upon a cour being mugged.  I ran up and tried to help them, but it was too late. They were already dead," he said feigning sadness. "Worse still they had a kid with them. I found the little bugger hiding behind a dumpster. Guess he missed the whole thing because he had the nerve to think I had done it.  He yelled for the coppers and I took off.  I wasn't waiting around for them to pin this on me. I was innocent. But that's not what impacted me," he said letting his lies lay dormant and began to recall the truth.

He leaned in closer and stared into the her eyes. "Do you know that later - and by this time that tyke had grown up to become a very busy billionaire? Turns out those were the Waynes killed in that alley and lite Brucey was the only witness. Pegging me as the perp. Can you believe it? Little old harmless me had destroyed a loving family. Insanity, I know, but everyone believed him."

Anger stewed and forced his smile to falter, his eyes momentarily going back to the nothingness ahead. He should have taken of the little brat when he'd had the chance.

"But I digress," he said snapping back to a joyous storyteller. "Seems Ol' Brucey hired a certain vigilante to track me down. And he did. I was where I was most nights, checking the vats at Ace Chemicals.  It was my job you see. To inspect them."

Ok. So he still wasn't letting the entire truth free, but he was getting the life changing moment.

"The Bats showed up and scared the Dickens out of me.  Before I could explain the mix up he hit me.  We tussled and that's when my foot slipped.  I fell right off that walkway and into the largest vat in the plant. I should have died, but the acid became my life force. It allowed me to leave the old me far behind to become who I am today. I guess maybe I should be grateful to Batman, but he just won't give me a chance to show him my gratitutde," he finished with a low growl before breaking into a maniacal laugh.

Oscar : 👥 ― a memory involving a friend.

"Oh, um, let's see. Memory with a friend" he stumbled through with a small huff. His mind ran ts fingers over his catalog of memories and those categorized under 'friends' had very few options. 

But there was one that would suffice.

"Ok, When I was, I don't know I guess I was around ten or eleven, we had just relocated to another city for dad's work. We were only there about six months and Emily was about five or six at the time, so she may not remember the place, but there was a group of kids I had managed to get in tight with. Turns out they were the neighborhood badasses. When I ran with them we got into fights, we snuck out, we even stole some cars and had a few joy rides during that time.  They weren't bad kids, thet were just uattended most of the time and they just ran the neighborhood getting into mischeif."

A smile gently tugged at his lips and he dropped his head momentarily.  Looking back, if they had stayed there just a few months longer and his life would have taken a very different path. His current sense of morals didn't come in to play until much later in life.

"However there is one very specific memory with them that will always stick with me. I went over to my buddy Noah's house and most of the group was already there. As usual. So I went in, said what's up to everybody, and sat down. We hung out fora good forty five minutse before Noah says he needs me to do him a favor. Says he needs help moving his old carpet outside to trash it."

"It hadn't even clicked with me that there was one just sitting in the middle of the room, rolled up - like it was totally normal thing. I didn't think anything of it, so I shrugged and said sure thing.  We all gather around it and starting lugging it through the house toward the back door."

"One thing to note, Noah's place back up to a creek, so there was a decnt sized hill leading down to it, and it was quick, so a lot of people dumped crap back there just to have it whiked away. Shitty of people, I know, but it happened," he said stating the obvious and moved on.

"So we're struggling to get down the back stairs - our boys Joe and Dave going down first, with me and Noah folling with the other end.  And Joe drops his part and the whole roll starts to topple. I see a quick glance inside the tunnel and notice hair I ask Noah what the fuck is that and he tells me they had to kill a guy and I'm helping them move the body. "

Another, gentle chuckle fell from him and he shook his head, he still couldn't believe that this was actually a true story he was telling them.

"I'm not gonna lie. I was terrified.  I was crying and freaking the fuck out, but I still did it.  I helped them get that damn thing all the way to the edge of the creek before they all dropped it and Gibbs jumps out from the roll and screams at me.  I was pissed. I motherfucker'd them and went home. I didn't say shit to them for a week." His smile softened. "We left three weeks later and I never saw any of them again," he told them with a small shrug, unknowning how they ever turned out.

Emily: 🗝 ― a memory you never want to forget.

A smile tugged at the corner of her lips as one of her favorite memories was pulled from her banks with the question.

"I will always remember the day I first saw Jace. I was busy at work, inking a client, when the shop door's bell jangled with his entrance. Glancing toward the sound to see who is gracing us with their presence is totally normal. Sometimes if we're all in the middle of a session it can come across as very Stepford Wifey the way we all look that way at the same time," she laughed softly through her explanation. "But that day, oh man, when Jace walked through the door it was like an angel appeared.  Even the sun glowed around him creating a holy aura.  I almost slipped and fucked up the tattoo I was working on he was so distracting.  Luckily, my client made her own observational comment over his dashing good looks and brought me back to reality."

She thought back to how, after being caught so off guard with his presence, she stole as many glances his way as he walked to the counter. Her ears craned themselves and did their best to drown out the rest of the sounds around the shop to focus on his conversation with Cali as she took down his info. 

"Turns out he was wanting some work done, a biggish piece that would have taken a few hours - which usually wouldn't have mattered, but he managed to mosey in about an hour and a half before we closed.   I don't know what came over me, but I couldn't let him leave. As Cal was penciling him in with Tony the next day, I shouted over at her that I could squeeze him in. I lied and said I was almost down with my client and would stick around after hours. Selfishly I wanted to get him alone. He was too hot to pass up," she admitted with a coy smirk. "

Her heart fluttered as the memory continued to play through her mind.  The way he smelled as he walked past her to the chair.  The way his hair fell slightly against his face.  His entire being radiated confidence and she couldn't get enough.

"I felt like I was doing my first tattoo all over again. I don't know how I managed to keep my hands from shaking while I worked on him, but I did and now he is the proud owner of a tattoo by Emily Lockmoore.  And I am the proud girlfriend of Jace Cato," she finished, her smile widening.

[jincherie]

florescence | v

❀ — pairing: taehyung x reader x seokjin ❀ — genre: hybrid au, hybrid tae, hybrid jin, poly au, fluff, smut (future), angst ❀ — words: 6.8k+ ❀ — rating: sfw ❀ — warnings: a pinch of angst, some hurt n comfort, and a teensy bit of risque content towards the end.... yay for scenting!! ❀ — notes: There was a fair bit that I changed in this one so part way through i ran into a bit of a block-- gradually, I pushed through!!! here is the next part uwu, I dont have anything written after this so the next update may take a while. (also, for anyone still having trouble with this, I did add a read more)

Okay, so maybe you’re lonely, and maybe there is something missing in your life, a void that you maybe want to fill with a companion that may or may not be of human origin… You’re perfectly content not doing anything about it though, until your best friend calls you in desperate need for your help and you suddenly end up coming home with not one, but two hybrids that may or may not have been on the way to the chopping block had you not taken them in. They’re more than a little rough around the edges, and the situation is less than ideal but… maybe the best things don’t always come in perfect, shiny packages. Maybe they just need a little time to bloom.

— posted; 11.03.2020 // masterlist || prev. | next.

When you wake up, you feel so well-rested that you almost completely forget what troubled your heart the night prior. Almost. As soon as you sit up and your gaze flits over the window, weather uncharacteristically gloomy, you recall what has been troubling you the past week and a bit and all of a sudden you can physically feel your mood drop. Right.

Well— you attempt to stop the spiral before it can really begin— today is your chance to make things right. You have the whole day off! That, for one thing, is sure to cheer the boys up a little bit. If they’re still not in the best of spirits, like you feel they might be, then you have the whole day to come up with a plan.

Yawning and scratching your head, allowing yourself a moment of indulgence before you get up to dive into the day headfirst, you attempt to bolster your confidence at least a little. With a little perseverance, you can do this!

You can do it! x   x   x

You can’t do it.

You thought that you’d be able to keep a cheery mood going, that you’d be able to cling to some optimism, but as it turns out you were somewhat wrong and this situation as it is now at around midday has your glass looking half-empty.

You’d gone about your normal routine after getting up; showering and then cooking and cleaning a little. To your surprise, the boys hadn’t come out to beg and plead with you at all. Even as their behaviour in the evenings changed during the past week and a bit, their behaviour in the mornings never did. So, understandably, this new development filled you with an icky feeling that stuck to the sides of your stomach like tar. You need to figure out what you’re doing that’s actually upsetting them, but attempting to pull the answer out of them is like pulling teeth. And with nothing but the barest hints to go off, you don’t really know where to even begin your online search, either.

So, halfway through the day and already almost at your wits end, you suppose the only way to go now is trial and error.

Off the top of your head, there are only a few things you can think of that might be bothering them.  

First, there are the insecurities they have that you’re already aware about. You don’t think this is actually the only thing bothering them, but you have a gut feeling that it has something to do with it. Each day they spent in the labs after their creation, under the technical label of ‘failure’, clearly took its toll on them. They only had each other there, and you know that the men you met while picking them up would have done their best to take care of them but as employees in that institution there is a line that they couldn’t ever cross to really give them the comfort they needed. So you know that Seokjin and Taehyung both were deemed ‘failures’ within their batches, exceptions, and you know that this knowledge has brought forth entire complexes around inferiority and worth within them.

Knowing this, it has you wondering if those complexes are leading the two of them to feel as though they’re being slowly pushed aside, or as though they have become a second thought to you. They most definitely haven’t, but with their background you wouldn’t be too surprised if that is a conclusion they have come to. You really want them to know and understand that they are a part of your home now, but you also know it’s going to be hard to get them to that point.

Regardless, it’s difficult to know what is actually wrong with them without being able to talk to them, and as the morning goes on they prove persistent in their efforts to ignore and avoid you. It irks you and upsets you at the same time, but still you do your best to be understanding. They’re not going to come out and have breakfast for as long as you’re in the kitchen, so you make the slightly wounding decision to return to your room for a while so they have a chance to at least eat. Taking care of them from the shadows it is—you leave some eggs and toast on plates for them before you retreat further into the house in the direction of your room.

You really wish that for situations like this there was someone you could just ask who would have all the answers you want and more—not many of your friends know that you even have hybrids, though, and Seulgi is probably at work still. Plus, she’d probably just tell you to look it up yourse— oh!!

You have the internet!

Honestly you’re not surprised it’s taken you this long to realise you could just look it up instead of lamenting and stewing in your own confusion and worry. Flopped across you bed, you pull your phone up and get to work. ‘hybrids upset with me’ is the first thing you intuitively type, and it brings forth an array of results. As one might expect, about 30% of them are actually relevant to what you want. You open a promising-looking one and begin to read.

“When instilling absolute obedience in wayward hybrids, it is expected that at first there will be a little backlash and they may react in an upset manner. A firm hand and unrelenting—”

Well, you click out of that one faster than you can blink. A closer look at the site name, perfectingyourpet.com, makes you realise you really should have inspected it a little bit more finely before opening it earlier.

Back on the search results page, you skim over the rest of them with a more scrutinising eye. It takes you a while before you actually open one that isn’t a run-around or an instant dead end.

‘Just like their animal counterparts, hybrids can become stressed and unhappy from a number of things that we often don’t think of from a human standpoint. Certain foods, environments, smells—the littlest thing can sometimes impact your hybrid companion’s happiness.’

Now that you’re reading this and really thinking about it, that makes a lot of sense. You aren’t sure how you haven’t been coming to these conclusions much earlier, and feel a little stupid and ashamed.

Chastised, you read a little further, soaking up as much information as you can, leaving the things you think aren’t very applicable for your situation. Towards the end, you admittedly skim it a bit, but to be fair that is just because you’re antsy to get started on fixing whatever has fallen through between you and the boys.

Some of the causes of stress this site tells you about are things you don’t think you have to worry about – yelling, fighting, having lots of guests come through and an always busy house. You definitely don’t have to worry about those. But then, when you read through the others, nothing is really clicking into place like this, this is it. You aren’t sure as to the cause still but at least you have something to go off now, even if it will be a process of elimination and learning by error.

One of the first things the site says, in addition to those you didn’t really think were relevant, is that it could be something in the diet, the environment, or a smell—or any change really. Branching off of that thought has you realising that it’s possible your big faux pas here is that you introduced such a big change – you going to work for a few hours a day – so suddenly and abruptly. From what you’re reading, it’s more than likely unsettled them and made them feel a bit insecure in their positions once more.

So, as your first attempt to make things right, you’re going to do your best to include them all over again. With a sigh you rise from your bed and attempt to steel yourself before making your way back into the kitchen, your fingers crossed that they have at least come out to eat something.

You’re quiet in your movements, and you think that is largely what allows you to catch the two elusive hybrids in the kitchen as they chow through the breakfast you left for them. It makes you happy to see they’re still eating what you make, but still sad to know they refuse to do it in your presence.

“Good morning,” you greet softly, leaning against the doorframe.

You hadn’t meant to startle them, but that’s what you end up doing. Seokjin, who had been looking through the fridge (most likely in search of some juice), jumps in fright, one yelp escaping before he bumps his head on a shelf and another, louder one follows it. Taehyung doesn’t make any noise, but you see him jump in his spot by the bench, whipping around to face you with wide eyes and a mouth full of eggs.

It’s an odd mix of emotions that cross their faces, prefaced by a wash of guilt and then a myriad of others you don’t manage to catch in time. They’re still upset, but clearly seeing you has weakened their defences slightly. You quickly take advantage of it.

“I’m glad you’re up and about,” you say, shooting them both a smile and doing your best to make sure none of the hurt seeps through. “I was thinking we could all do something together today!”

Surprise is what greets you as they stare at you, then at each other. Seokjin voices their thoughts, “You don’t have work today?”

From just behind him, you can catch his tail beginning to sway in cautious anticipation. His ears are slightly lowered, as are Taehyung’s, but they perk up when you answer them with a shake of your head.

“I don’t,” you affirm, feeling slightly bolstered by their response. “So I was thinking we could do something… maybe go out to the park? Or a café? Or—”

Their ears flatten and its obvious they’re not too into that idea, surprisingly. You really thought that would be something they’d love! You quickly backtrack. “Or, we could just cuddle on the couch and watch Netflix…? Seokjin, that zombie show you like had another season added.”

At that, they seem much more enthusiastic. Seokjin’s tail begins to wag a little more heartily, if still somewhat tentative.

“Already?” he asks, eyes wide. “Oh that’s good, they left it on a cliffhanger last season.”

The few moments after he finishes speaking are almost awkward, but you step in before they can get to that point.

“Perfect, did you want to watch that now?” You pose the question, before recalling that you’d caught them in the middle of stuffing their faces. “I mean, after you’re done eating of course.”

“Yes!” Seokjin nearly yaps in his excitement, the mood of the two hybrids seeming to have taken a complete 180 now that they know they have your time all to themselves today. You wonder if the ‘cuddling’ aspect had much to do with it, since you’d noticed their eyes light up when you’d mentioned it earlier.

You turn your gaze to the side, and when you see Taehyung looking just as excited, you offer them a bright smile. “Great, well you guys finish up and I’ll wait in the living room. I’ll get it all set up.”

Both of their tails are wagging as you turn and make your way to the room in question, and you feel significantly lighter than you have all week. You just need to bond with them a little more, assure them of their place with you and that you care for them. You were too dramatic earlier, you can do this!

Going around the living room, you end up setting up the couch like a makeshift nest, their comfort the main thing on your mind. Netflix is on and loaded, and you tidy things just a bit in the extra time you have before you hear the two hybrids approaching the room.

They’re excited, you can tell from the second you catch sight of them. Taehyung especially looks like he’s trying not to smile too big, but his tail is whirring a mile a minute behind him.

Seokjin picks up the remote, before turning to you. “You sit down first.”

Apparently it slipped out before he’d realised, because in the next second his face flushes and he hurries to correct himself at how demanding he feared he sounded. “I mean, uh… please. So we can, um….”

He doesn’t have to finish for you to know what he wants. More often than not, the two of them wait until you seat yourself so that they then can flop down and curl around you. Smiling at Seokjin to let him know it’s okay, you sit in the middle of the couch and wait. Well, you don’t even have to wait—as soon as your ass touches the seat the two hybrids dive for a spot on either side of you, nestling against you, the blankets, and the couch.

Their actions stir up butterflies in your stomach and you have to marvel at yourself—wow, you’ve really gotten quite touch starved because of this whole ordeal, haven’t you? That’s kind of embarrassing…

Seokjin swings his legs over your lap and Taehyung presses his body to your side, head on your shoulder. You can feel his large hands fisting the material of your shirt needily, oblivious to the way he brushes the underside of your breast with the action. You ignore the skipped heartbeat that results and pretend it didn’t even happen. That’s a dangerous rabbit hole to go down if you follow that thought.

“What are we watching?” you ask, reaching a hand up to play with the curls at the back of Taehyung’s neck. His grip on your shirt tightens and he presses closer before the tension leaves his body completely, and he lets out the faintest noise in satisfaction. You’d do the same to Seokjin but his higher level functioning ceases when you play with his hair and you kind of want a response.

“This?” he proposes, eyes on the screen. You follow his gaze and watch the preview that’s played for you. “I added it to the list but haven’t, um… haven’t gotten to watch it yet.”

“If it’s what you wanna watch, put it on,” you reassure him, holding your hand out for the remote. He sees your hand and his cheeks warm—you wonder why before the answer follows, and he places his hand in yours, threading your fingers together.

You don’t even have the heart to tell him that you were asking for the remote, especially now that you feel your own face burning. God, what are these two doing to your heart today?!

What Seokjin chose seems to be some new anime with alternate styling to what you’re used to seeing, the mode of animation different but quite cool. Unfortunately, you only get to watch about a minute of it before something disrupts the peace and content beginning to settle over the room.

Knocking. On your door. It’s light but sharp and very persistent. Seokjin pauses the show, confused but alert.

“Who on Earth…?” you murmur to yourself, regrettably rising from the couch and parting from the warmth of the hybrids. There is an odd weight on your side as you stand, and you don’t realise that Taehyung has risen with you, clinging to your side, until you take a step and he bumps into you by accident.

Endeared by the way he dons a sheepish smile, you accept his company and make your way to the front door, wondering who on earth would even be making the effort to visit you on your day off. Rustling sounds from the couch, but you figure it’s just Seokjin getting comfortable and preparing to wait.

“Just a second!” you call out when the knocking stops, worrying the culprit is leaving. Did you order anything recently? Are you expecting anyone and just forgot? You really don’t think so. Taehyung trails after you, connected only by his loose grip on the bottom of your shirt.

You could have peaked out of the peep hole, but you don’t, going straight to opening the door instead. The figure waiting on the other side makes you halt in surprise. Taehyung shoots ramrod straight behind you.

“What are you doing here, rude cat?” you ask in surprise after a moment, teasing nickname tacked on by default. Changkyun gives you a borderline dirty look, but doesn’t speak for a moment- his attention is captured as he catches sight of the hybrid plastered to your back. His mouth forms an ‘o’, realisation dawning across his features.

“Ah, the unhappy audience….” He murmurs to himself, a glint entering his eyes that you absolutely do not like one bit. Before you can warn him off whatever idea has just entered his head, he turns his gaze to you and offers a bright, if somewhat cheeky, smile.

“Hey, y/n,” he purrs, taking a step closer. You’re suspicious immediately. “You left something at our house last time, and since we were driving past your place anyway the madame asked me to come bring it up to you.”

As he finishes speaking, he pulls something out from behind his back, holding it out to you. You can feel the tension of the hybrid beside you as you reach out and take it, eyes wide.

“Oh, my cardigan,” you mutter, holding up the dark pink article and pursing your lips in surprise. “I did wonder where it got to. Thanks, Changkyun!”

“No problem!” he answers, perhaps a little too easily, He rolls the ring on his bottom lip as he stands in contemplation for a moment. It’s as though he considers doing something, entertaining the thought for a moment before deciding against it. Instead, he offers you a sly smile, beginning to step backwards. “See you next week, y/n.”

You return the farewell, waiting until he is a good metre or so away before closing and locking the door. The second you do, you feel Taehyung pull away from your back. Surprised, you turn in question—the second your gaze falls on him though, you freeze.  

You’re not sure if you can describe the current look in his face in just a single word—there are many emotions that seem to flick across his features, but the one that seems to linger the most is hurt.

At the realisation you’re baffled, understandably, and while your brain attempts to put pieces together and figure out why Taehyung is looking at you like that, he pulls away. His brows are furrowed, bottom lip a split-second away from trembling fully.

“Tae?” you ask, tentative. At the sound of your voice though the hybrid shakes his head, expression even more upset than before. It makes your stomach drag down with guilt and a certain sense of anxiety. Taehyung steps back, looking at you for just a moment longer before he turns and flees.

A call of his name is stuck in your throat and you can only watch him go, hearing him pass through the hall and then hurry up the stairs. Absolutely boggled, you almost miss the movement from the doorway to the living room.

You turn your gaze just in time to catch a glimpse of Seokjin as he slips away, following the same path Taehyung laid through the house just seconds earlier. After the sound of him climbing the stairs passes, you’re confronted with the painfully familiar sound of their door slamming closed upstairs.

You don’t have to have seen his face to know that without a doubt, whatever you’d done to hurt Taehyung’s feelings so suddenly, the same applied to the older hybrid.

God—you don’t even know what you did!

This is getting utterly ridiculous and at this point you’re sitting and stewing in your own ashamed juices. You’d just been so close to mending things with them! How had things turned around so quickly?

It’s like a bag of rocks has been dropped in your chest, pushing your heart down to your stomach. You feel very crummy, suddenly. You don’t doubt they feel similar. They’re not going to sit and watch something with you now, and there’s no point in waiting for them to come down because you’ve been with them long enough to know that they won’t.

What are you supposed to do?

Fighting a sudden batch of irrational tears that have risen to sting your eyes and threaten to fall, you scrunch the cardigan in your grip and make a beeline for your room. You don’t bother going to turn off the TV because right now you’re too upset and it’s just going to remind you of how you’ve managed to ruin things, again.

As soon as the door closes behind you and you’re in the sanctity of your room, you let a sniffle escape. The silence that echoes off the walls is all that answers and you throw yourself onto your bed, phone in your hand.

Even though you’re sad right now and want nothing else than to just cry into your pillow a bit and get these horrible, heavy feelings off your chest, `you know you can’t let this go on any longer than it already has. Somewhat sulkily, you unlock your phone and open the browser, returning to your search from earlier. At this point you can only conclude that the problem is you, and that you won’t be able to find anything to help your plight online.

Of course, that’s the last thing you want to be true. And so you return to your previous search, going through all the tabs you opened up previously and rereading to see if there was anything you’d missed or misinterpreted. You’re not all that optimistic, though, and as you read you try not to think about the sneaking feeling you have that you’re not going to find anything to help you fix this new mess you’ve made.

X     x     x   x     x

An hour later you’re climbing hastily from you bed, standing corrected. You’d just found the answer and the solution you’d been looking for—the fact that it was in one of the first pages you opened earlier and you didn’t get it until just now is an incredible source of shame for you. At this point in time you’re very frustrated with yourself, but thankfully there are more pressing matters to attend to.

You know what’s been bothering your hybrids and upsetting them so much.

Of course, in retrospect it’s something so painfully obvious that you want to kick the ground and ram your head straight into the wall at the same time. You read earlier about how change and stress can affect hybrids more than humans, but it hadn’t really sunk in the types of changes and stressors they are especially sensitive to. Reading through one of the first pages again had something you missed the first time through smacking you in the face the second time round.

Your hybrids are unsettled because you’re their ‘owner’, and you’ve been going out and hanging around other people and hybrids, covering yourself in a myriad of strange, different scents, when they haven’t scented you yet.

Your face warms as you recall everything you’d read after clicking the hyperlink on that word in the original article. Scenting can entail a lot of things depending on the hybrid, but mostly its innocent, and something they need to feel settled and secure, something instinctive. Which explains a lot of things, honestly.

Again, you feel so stupid.

Now that you’ve… enlightened yourself, you have the decency to feel a little ashamed and guilty for not taking better steps to understand your hybrids and accommodate them. It’s on you that you didn’t know any better because you hadn’t done the necessary research, but at the same time you wish they’d come to you and told you what was wrong. Although, you know that considering their background, it’s probably hard for them. They’re never sure of their boundaries, where they can go and how far they can push—they’re too cautious and worrisome sometimes, you think. You have a feeling that that’s kind of what was happening behind the scenes here too.

Trying very desperately not to give in to the flustered blush that’s trying to heat your cheeks at what you’re about to do, you attempt to calm yourself by going through the motions as you normally would at this time of day. It’s late enough that you can justify changing into your pyjamas, and so you do—and although these are the clothes you usually wear to bed, the fluffy pants and thin-strapped singlet leave you feeling a little more exposed than usual. You know that you’re going to be more than a little embarrassed while doing this, but honestly you’re just going to have to push through it—it’s the least you can do considering your part in this.

Once changed, you kind of want to climb back in bed and procrastinate the inevitable a little longer, but you force yourself out of the room. It’s somewhat sheepishly that you emerge, attempting to be quiet with your door even though you know there’s no way they’ve left their room. The trip down the hall to their door is quicker than you remember and it isn’t long before you’re taking a breath to prepare yourself and knocking softly on their door. The response is instant.

“Go away!”

You fight a smile at the sound of Seokjin’s voice—his words say one thing but the waver and hints of a plea in his tone say another. It’s cute, the effort he’s putting into trying to show you he’s upset when you have a feeling he wants nothing more than to spend time with you as he usually does. You take a moment to steel yourself before letting out a huff.

“I’m coming in,” you announce, trying to keep your tone gentle, and then you open the door before he has time to protest. When you swing the door open and step in, it’s to the sight of him sitting on the queen bed with his knees tucked to his chest, his face red— although you can’t tell if it’s from anger or embarrassment.

“What do you want,” he grumbles, reminding you very much of a child with the way he averts his eyes and pouts. His tail twitches anxiously behind him, his ears pressed against his skull. Your eyes sweep the room, confusion flickering amongst your thoughts when you don’t catch sight of his younger brother.

“Where’s Taehyung?” you ask, head tilting. Seokjin answers you a moment later, albeit reluctantly.

“He’s in the shower…” he says, and now that he mentions it you can hear the soft sound of music filtering through the wall. The dhole hybrid likes having something soft and jazzy playing whenever he showers or bathes, you suspect it’s because it helps relax him a little.

You hum in acknowledgement, standing in the doorway for a moment, leaning against the doorframe as you simply look at him. He seems to flush under your prolonged gaze, desperately trying to avoid meeting your eyes. It takes you a moment to decide how to start, and you try not to keep him on his toes too long. It still startles him when you finally speak a few moments later.

You decide to just bite the bullet and jump right into it. “Seokjin, do the two of you feel comfortable here?”

The male balks at your question, eyes wide as he finally looks at you. His knees drop into a cross-legged position against the bed as he straightens, sputtering. “What? Of course we do, you’ve given us everything.”

You wonder if he realises he’s fallen out of his upset character but push the thought aside in favour of continuing your interrogation, setting the grounds so you can lead up to a certain point. Distantly, you register the sound of pipes creaking in the walls as water is shut off and the sound of jazz music disappearing to a muffle. You shake your head at the male, but smile at his words. “Seokjin, what I mean is, are the two of you comfortable— do you feel at home?”

At those words, the hybrid freezes, staring at you with wide eyes. After a few moments he attempts to form a response, the conflict behind his eyes making your heart clench painfully. “I… we…”

You sigh, offering the male a slightly sad smile. “Seokjin, it’s okay. I… I’m sorry. I realise that I could have been doing a better job, with this whole thing. I should have done more to ease you guys into this, and reassure you.”

The male is silent, his eyes glistening slightly. You continue, “I realised earlier that it’s possible you don’t feel like… like this is a permanent home for you, that you could feel as though I’m just a middle ground or a foster home and that you can’t really settle or feel secure here. Is that right?”

His mouth falls open, expression conveying just how completely caught off guard he is—you are right, it seems. He can’t seem to muster a response, but his features contort into an expression of guilt.  “y-y/n, I’m sorry—”

Realising the turn his thoughts are taking, you hurry to step closer and sooth him. “No, bub, you don’t have to apologise at all. This one is on me. This is as new for me as it is for you two, but that doesn’t excuse it. I need to do better, and I will. I…”

At the barest sound of shuffling, you turn over your shoulder and hold your arm out invitingly; Taehyung stands clad in his stripy pyjamas in the doorway and regards the two of you with wide, watering eyes, apparently having heard your conversation thus far. The second he sees your invitation he darts forward, perching on the bed in front of you and clutching the outstretched hand he’d grabbed on his way past.

You take a deep breath before looking both of them in the eyes, one at a time, and speaking. “I want this to be your home. I want you to feel comfortable, and safe, and loved. I want you to know that this isn’t a short-term commitment for me, okay? I’m not going to ever suddenly change my mind, I’m not going to stop caring for you or wanting you around.”

Your voice softens as you take in the way their eyes water slightly. “You can let go of that guard you have over your hearts, and you can let me in. I promise that I will take care of you. You’re safe here, alright? I’m not… I’m not going to let anything happen to you. I promise.”

“y/n…” Seokjin’s voice wobbles, his chin trembling.  You reach up and wipe away the beginnings of tears, doing the same to Taehyung who moves and nuzzles his face into your touch eagerly. It soothes you to see his stormy mood from earlier has vanished completely.

“It’s alright, you don’t have to say anything.” A smile tugs your lips, a tender feeling warming your chest. “But… I do have something else to say.”

They both seem a little wary at your words, but relax when you cup their cheeks—Seokjin has long since moved over on the bed so you can reach him.

“I want to say I’m sorry, for not being more knowledgeable about hybrid things,” you say, catching the confused look in their eyes. “I’m going to do more research in the future, but for now…”

They seem to guess where you’re going with this, cheeks colouring. Seokjin mumbles, “You’re talking about how we’ve been acting, aren’t you.”

When you nod, he seems a little apprehensive and anxious. You speak before he can come to any drastic conclusions. “It’s because I come home smelling like other hybrids, right? And you don’t like smelling other hybrids on me.”

Now that you’ve voiced it, the two of them have the decency to appear somewhat embarrassed and chastised. They nod, heads hanging slightly, and you fight back a chuckle. At least they’re aware that it’s not an appropriate behaviour, though it’s not like they can help it. It’s instinct for them, and while its hard for you to wrap your head around as a human, you accept it. You accept them.

“You can scent me, you know.”

At your words, their heads whip up so fast you’re worried they’ll have whiplash from the sheer jerkiness and speed of the movement. Taehyung’s mouth has dropped completely open, eyes blown wide as he stares at you in disbelief—his whole face slowly stains pink and when you turn to regard Seokjin you find the fox hybrid in a similar state.

“Wh-what did you say?” he asks, so softly you almost wonder if you imagined it. He stares at you like he can hardly believe such words would come out of your mouth, like he’d never even considered the possibility.

“You can scent me,” you repeat, head tilting slightly. “I read that it’s something you need to do to feel secure, and comfortable… am I wrong?”

Taehyung’s mouth snaps shut and he shakes his head fervently, hands clutching yours at his cheek. Seokjin hurries to elaborate.

“No! No it’s not wrong, we… it’s an instinct…” he trails off, biting his lip. “We didn’t know… didn’t think you would be comfortable with it, b-because it’s…. it’s kind of weird….”

You tut, tapping your hand against their cheeks softly but enough to startle them. “You sweet fools,” you say, grinning—their ears perk up at the affection in your tone, tails twitching as though they contain the urge to wag. “I didn’t accept you unknowingly, I realised it would come with new territory and new things I hadn’t heard of or done before. Also, my cute boys, please don’t make my decisions for me. From now on, please tell me when something is troubling you, alright? Let’s keep honesty and openness as our policy. I really want the two of you to be happy.”

The two of them are nodding again before the last word even leaves your mouth, pressing their faces to your palms like eager puppies. It makes you giggle a little, and at the sound they both light up, tails giving a small wag.

“We understand, y/n,” Seokjin says, smiling and blowing you away for a moment with his beauty. “Thank you.”

You nod, appeased for now, and let a few moments of contented silence fall between you all before Seokjin is shifting suddenly, looking very much like he has something further to say. You look to him pointedly and he grows sheepish, rubbing the back of his neck shyly.

“Uh, about what you said earlier… c-could we…?”

You snort softly, sending him a reassuring smile. “Yes, Seokjin, you can scent me. Do what you need to do, pretty boys. I’m yours however you need me.”

The two of them are immediately visibly giddy at your words, though something foreign and dark sparks to life in their eyes. You don’t have enough time to decipher it before Taehyung is lurching forward, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you backwards onto the bed with him. Seokjin immediately shuffles back to accommodate, slotting himself perfectly into your free side when Taehyung nestles into the other. They seek out the crook of your neck on instinct, burying their faces there in sync and making you shiver slightly from the sensation.

They rub their faces against the skin, cheeks pressed to your shoulders, and keep that up for a while. You’re curious as to why that is all they’re doing; when you looked it up earlier, several sources said that certain acts embed the scent more deeply than others. Like rubbing their cheeks against you, versus licking, or even soft kisses as some sites had informed you. Different actions made the scent stronger. Although, you know that neither of them have been in an environment where they’ve been able to do this before, so you know this is all new territory for them as well and they’re unsure of their boundaries. Right on cue as you think this, you sense Seokjin grow slightly tense next to you, his movements slowing.

“y/n…”

You turn, pressing a kiss to the top of his head between his ears. “Seokjin, I know. Do what you feel you need to.”

With verbal permission from you, he sags in relief. At once he returns to clinging to you with a hand clutching your hip on the opposite side, worming beneath the edge of your shirt so he is closer to you. Taehyung shuffles on your other side, doing the same. You feel your heartrate pick up slightly from the way they nuzzle into you, lips brushing your sensitive flesh. It doesn’t help that all you read before is fresh in your mind and you know how scenting can go for hybrids of their type—the idea has your stomach flipping in anticipation.

Taehyung is the first to change his tactics. Burying his nose in your neck, he presses his lips to the skin in a soft kiss before you feel his tongue dart out. It swipes along your sensitive flesh in short strips, the tip of the muscle leaving blots of wetness in its wake—it’s a sensation that tickles slightly as much as it makes your heartrate skyrocket, and you can’t help the soft giggle that slips out as a result. You feel his answering smile moments later.

Seokjin has a similar idea, but his execution differs. His body curls around you, fingers digging into the soft flesh of your hip as he begins to pepper soft kiss after kiss along the column of your neck. He pauses as he nears your hairline, taking a moment to bury his nose in your locks and bask in your scent—you shiver at the feeling and he holds you tighter in his arms.

There’s something about the act that seems to make them succumb that little bit more to their instincts. Unexpectedly, they quickly grow a little bolder. Taehyung pulls the thin strap of your shirt down so he can continue his trail down your shoulder and over the curve of your clavicle. Seokjin’s kisses turn open-mouthed, and he seems to have found a place on your neck just under the curve of your jaw where your scent is strongest—lightly, tenderly, he begins sucking over your pulse point. Your breathing hitches unwittingly in response.

At this point you think you’re going to have a heart attack; your pulse is off the charts and your stomach is a live pool of nerves. Even with what you read, your surprised and alarmed and shamefully a little excited at where this is beginning to go.  Through the haze beginning to permeate your brain, you realise you have to stop them in their tracks before they step too far and can’t go back. Still, it all feels so nice…

You’re only jerked into motion when Taehyung moves, shifting closer and holding himself slightly over you as his mouth maps over your clavicle and begins to move further down. Your heart jumps, and with a surprised squeak trapped in your throat you bring your hand to his head right before he reaches the start of your breast, almost at the edge of the singlet.

“Tae,” is all you say, but your tone seems to bring both of them back to the present a bit. Taehyung shudders, letting out a huff before simply dropping his body down half on top of you, head resting in the crook of your neck. Seokjin presses his lips to your skin in one long, final kiss, before burying his face there and relaxing against you as his brother did. Like this, they return to their earlier ministrations, before it began to get… yeah.

Now that they’re no longer making your heartrate jump to unhealthy levels, the longer you’re in their soft embrace the more sluggish and sleepy you feel—their warmth is like a blanket of security and safety thrown over you, their affection soothing any worries or stress you might retain from the week and day. The feeling is mutual; gradually, the two of them begin to slow in their movements, Taehyung’s soft lapping returning to the occasional press of his lips and nuzzle, Seokjin remaining still with his tongue darting out every so often. Without even meaning to, the three of you fall asleep there in each other’s embrace, tension soothed and worries mollified. One last thing crosses your mind before you drift off.

You really are starting to love these two hybrids with all your heart, but after this experience you have to wonder...

Is that the only thing you feel?

a/n: please let me know what u think,, and lmk if u enjoyed this with a like and/or rb!! also feel free to drop an ask, i’m keen to know what u thought! thank u for reading and supporting me!! <3

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[kidcooper02]

OK I'm really late to the thieves in time conversation (TiT was the first sly game I was actually able to play for myself since I'm as old as the series, I watched my brother for the trilogy, so I did have my rose colored lenses on) and this post is really not gonna be a big "AND THE STORY SUCKS AND THE ANCESTORS SUCK AND-" Because I wanna talk about sly and Carmelita's relationship specifically.

IN UNRELATED EVENTS I GOT THE INSPIRATION FOR THIS FROM LISTENING TO LOST IN THE WOODS FROM FROZEN 2, DONT ASK, Anyway

I felt really disappointed in how sly and Carmelita's relationship was handled in TiT, it just felt like we went back to square one in their dynamic. Sly made a getaway and Carmelita blew up on him, only this time there's the awkward tension of them having actually been a thing. Firstly, for sly to do that was fucked up and with all the care he has for Carmelita, I expected it to weigh on him in a more serious tone than what we saw before the reunion. And Carmelita's response felt, underwhelming. Of course she's hotblooded so she's gonna react in her typical anger, but I felt they should've went the opposite direction.

With the way things were, it felt like another reset, sly gets away and he teases Carmelita and Carmelita is hotheaded. I think the impact of what sly did would've been better if Carmelita didn't blow up on him. If the hurt she felt outweighed everything and she just treated him with cold indifference. Maybe with a line of "so really EVERYTHING is a scheme to you." If Carmelita reacted completely opposite of what sly is used to, I think it would've a) hit him harder and b) show how their relationship developed off screen. If Sly left Carmelita in that state of almost silence, we could've gotten something really interesting out of it. We could've seen sly evaluate himself in terms of romance. He and Carmelita started with a chase and that was the fun of, the temporary tease. And of course having the opportunity to have something real, they jumped at it because they really do like each other.

So Sly knows he truly likes/loves Carmelita, but with the stunt he pulled of course she would feel like he never did genuinely. So when they meet with Carmelita again, their whole thing could've developed with Sly learning how to move with their new dynamic and how he can't expect Carmelita to react the same as she always did, and him needed to prove to her that what they had was real. This could open for Carmelita hanging with the others more and growing relationships with Murray and Bentley which is always nice and would add to the ending.

Sly has been trying his hardest to prove himself since the West, Carmelita, while not forgiving him, is seeing him being genuine as he's around family that's basically doomed. So come the final battle, (I can't recall how the setup is RN all I know is Carmelita is trapped) sly loses his cane to get Carmelita out and acts as a parallel to the first game. He's down to nothing and he knows he messed up with Carmelita, but she helps him anyway. They can have a quick heart to heart as she ACTUALLY gets a role in the boss fight like previous games, their talk could be a promise to try again at least. And then Sly gets sent back to Egypt. And Carmelita's pain would make a lot more sense.

I'm not 100% on everything TiT tried doing with their relationship but I know for sure it wasn't this deep, and Sly games aren't afraid of getting deep so I hope if we get some sort of redo on TiT, they actually DO something meaningful with their relationship and not just the same thing again

[ectonurites]

do u have any thoughts on the whole “tim is zapped to time prison” storyline? bc i feel like it could have been pretty interesting and a good way to bring back young justice/tim’s memories more immediately if it hadn’t been such a blatant attempt to just get tim out of storylines bc they had no ideas for his character

sorry lol u don’t have to respond i just kind of wish people talked about this storyline more? and the fact that tim lowkey became one of the only people in dc with knowledge of the other timelines (i think so at least) and nobody really addressed it?? like going into the next phase where people learn about other timelines after death metal.... tim should already know some of this stuff right?

YES YES YES OKAY LETS TALK ABOUT THIS this got incredibly long because I just have a lot to say (and i included screenshots) and i prob got a little off topic but. but lets get started anyways:

i haven’t read that particular storyline in a few months so i might be missing/misremembering some details here, but that whole ‘time prison + future tim’ thing was like. a really really interesting concept and the implications/impacts it has are a big part of why i liked tynion’s detective comics run as much as i did even with it’s flaws in characterization (such as treating tim like he was jimmy neutron boy genius and making steph..... be all ready to quit/breakaway from the team like that. the steph quitting characterization really started i think in batgirl convergence and unfortunately has haunted her since, even though pre reboot never giving up was like...... one of her defining traits. dc i hate you sometimes) 

i think that one of the biggest things that bothers me about the situation is how little we saw most of the other characters in the batfamily grieve (aside from steph and some with bruce, but again the way steph was portrayed just... hhhhhh. it very much reduced her to ‘tims girlfriend’ more than i’d have preferred) but otherwise like...as far as I can remember there was maybe one line in that monsters crossover thing where dick mentioned tim was gone, jason had a single line about avoiding the funeral in rhato, i dont think they showed any reaction from babs at all until after he was back, and the most for damian I recall is at the end of the 2014 teen titans run (#24) where he looks at... a case with the old red robin uniform Tim wasn’t even wearing anymore when he died? and that just bugs me. Instead of getting to see the actual funeral we get one flashback to it way after the fact once Bruce already knows Tim’s not actually dead

But at the time when they all DID think he was dead? the closest thing we see was in that same teen titans issue (#24) there’s a memorial-type ‘sharing stories’ thing after the funeral with tim’s titans friends but.... we don’t see something like that with his family. tim is a major presence in these peoples’ lives, they are his family, when he gets sent into time prison its even SAID how loved he apparently is

its just... idk. they all thought he was dead, and if they had put more emphasis on showing not just telling how that effected EVERYONE (not just steph) in the batfam, it might have felt a lot less like they were just putting tim away until there was a story idea for him. (like obviously I know they can’t make everyone’s stories revolve around Tim, but I’d have way preferred a detective comics issue of the funeral/memorial with the family than having there only be a teen titans one, I think it would have... held more relevance & meaning... but instead they just went right into that monster crossover story instead of lingering on this)

but then the Tim story itself once it does pick up way later, with titans tomorrow/future tim coming along having that whole “tell conner you’re sorry” “who’s conner?” exchange with current tim... that opens up A LOT of things to think about, and I think was pretty interestingly done if i’m remembering correctly. future tim recognizes the timelines are different, and ya know goes off to try to change things further ("whaddaya got there?” “a gun to kill batwoman” “NO!!!!”), theres lots of fighting etc etc the good guys win as we expect, but once that’s all settled tim’s left there with this whole. thought process

which ya know is the big indicator there’s weird timeline/reality fuckery going on (or also the read here can be that tim and kon are so connected across all space and time that their bond can transcend anything even timelines and realities and reboots... “and they were soulmates” “oh my god they were soulmates”) 

ANYWAYS lets not forget that tim isnt the only one who learns about this other timeline stuff during this whole situation!

Brother Eye has records of future tim’s timeline, and cass & steph see who they used to be! and as soon as steph finds out ‘holy shit i was ROBIN and BATGIRL?’ she also desperately wants to know more! which then a bit later leads into young justice 2019 where instead of going off to college like they told Bruce they were gonna, Steph and Tim go get the help of Zatanna to see what might be going on in their brains with these timelines and weird feelings (as we see in flashback form in yj 2019 #5)

and HOO BOY DOES SHE FIND THINGS! she gets in there and finds out that oh yeah, their brains had very much so been tampered with, and with her magic she undoes some of it, by unlocking memories, and Tim finally remembers Conner! (also in case u were wondering, that panel is specifically a callback to this one from yj 1998 #17 when Cissie quit the team)

one thing that I think is weird/interesting/idk if it gets... properly addressed even, was that Zatanna also poked around Steph’s brain too and she didn’t remember everything? Might have something to do even with how Tim had been in time prison, might have taken less work from Z to open things up because of that? Who knows

additionally i wanna call attention to how he said “That entire chapter of my life” which... leading into my next point a bit... strongly leads me to believe even though he’s remembering some things he definitely does not have ALL of his memories back (because theres a lot more than just the young justice ‘chapter’ of tim’s life that was drastically changed by the new 52 & rebirth) 

BUT moving on, i wanna bring up this part from later on (after they figured out that there was a crisis that caused things in the world to change, which is why their memories/brains were messed with) in issue #16

so yeah, I think it’s indicated even though Zatanna brought back some memories and opened up his brain a bit, there’s still many holes, and some things seem more like dreams rather than memories and he’s probably unable to tell which are which on his own to some extent. (also for reference the real thing that Tim thought was just a dream is... likely yj 1998 issue #1)

So based on the things i’ve brought up here (which are the things I remember off the top of my head, I could easily be accidentally leaving shit out LMAO i haven’t fully read through any of these books in at least 3 or more months now) I think it’s safe to assume that Tim definitely has a head start on getting back his memories before Death Metal happens, but that it was by no means a complete thing. So the after effects of Death Metal are probably just gonna... be a little less drastic for him vs most other people because it was already happening, but it’ll be kinda filling in the remaining gaps? 

And like you said he is absolutely one of the few people that already knew about about the timelines/the fact that these crises have happened and changed things, but pretty much all the other young justice characters are also aware that there was meddling in the timeline/that multiple timelines and alternate universes like this exist since they were all together as a group when it got explained (in like. yj 2019 #15 i believe is where most of the explaining happens) (and cass as well is aware of things to some extent because of her and steph’s interaction with Brother Eye) but the difference is that Zatanna didn’t go into everyone’s brains, so they aren’t dealing with the same memory things as Tim (and possibly Steph? because again Z DID go in her brain, she just wasn’t able to unlock all the same things as she did with Tim) 

but yeah in general i SO wish this was explored more, both in canon and in fanworks (fanworks tho... that can still happen >:3c). Memories hazily coming in for Tim while Kon and Bart are able to confirm or deny things, him dealing with conflicting memories and feelings about his past as they trickle in... like I think we’ll start to see these types of things moving forward across a lot of titles with Infinite Frontier (i BELIEVE dont quote me on this but I BELIEVE the person writing Damian’s upcoming solo had mentioned in an interview that the memories coming back of the other timeline aren’t going to be an all at once thing but will be more gradual for most characters) but the fact that it theoretically had already been happening for Tim for MONTHS and we only got that one crumb indicating it in #16 of it instead of any actual exploration makes me SAAAAAAD 

[mamusings]

Supernatural Season 1 Thoughts

So I'm rewatching mainly to distract myself from the dogs breakfast the show has descended into. But also because my feelings about the show as a whole are decidedly mixed. I come to it as a buffy fan. I've always been curious about spn as a successor show to buffy, but only watched thr first 13 seasons in 2020. Blame lockdown.

Anyway s1. Blinding start, blinding finish. But the middle is just too many MOTW episodes without enough season arc development. I keep wondering who the show is for. It feels aesthetically very male. Lots of blood, guns and violence. Well-realised horror feel - although I think it's hard to really feel fear when you dont particularly care about who might die. It's only when you threaten a major character death that things hit harder. Also the genuflecting to realism by drawing on urban myths feels like something for stereotypically 'male' rather than 'female'. Probably reflects my preferences that I was never to into the MOTW format some buffy fans loved and that I was always more interested in the story telling than realism or even consistency. Monsters as metaphors works better for me. But Spn is a much more cloistered universe. Two guys and their absent father is what s1 is about. But it dits weirdly between being comfort viewing and needing attention. There's much that starts to feel formulaic with MOTW episodes: Impala on the road scene, some rock music, an opener that gives you a new mystery and people to go with it blah blah. You can practically set your watch by the final denouement happening in the final 8 mins. It feels like the show is diligently checking off every myth and monster going which gets tedious. I found the need for setting up yet another family in danger was something that gets hard to care about. "Oh look a couple, someone's gonna die, shall I fast forward until sam and dean show up." And yet there are some interesting undercutting of the white working class vibe the show has. Two that stand out to me are: the 'female gazing' of the camera work off Sam and Dean. There's a lot of panning - are we getting in the boys with the guns and hardware and then offering up the handsome male bodies for women? I felt a little cheap, but they they are v cute. The other is having a black/bi racial woman play Dean's only serious love interest. The ghost truck thing is terrible but putting attitudes to race at the centre of this particular storyline was intriguing. Perhaps a counter balance to the overall wwc feel of things. (Full disclosure I am a black woman and I enjoyed seeing this - even tho I did have several moments of wondering was the predominant female look so uniform back then. All the girls have the same build (and did we all wear such low rise jeans?) plus long, wavy/curly hair...except Meg who basically has Sam's hairstyle ha ha)

What's impressive? The first few episodes give us a cluster of core lines: bitch/jerk, no chick flick moments, and the sibling dynamic This show hits its stride right in the pilot and wendigo is still one of the scarier episodes. Thats a really good opening shot imo.

It's no surprise that what's really riveting is Sam and Dean. But on rewatching I saw a lot more on why this is so interesting. Basically when the characters are introduced you first get Sam. He's your archetypal nice guy whis hot everything though for him. Stanford, girlfriend, friends, great test score but also and crucially hes likeable. Then you get Dean and hes introduced as a dick. Breaks in, wrestles Sam, comes on to/is sleazy with Sams gf. So cocky bad boy: check.

In the pilot dean is the annoying big brother to a t. So they set up two contrasting personalities. Dean is disrespectful to cops, Sam is embarrassed by it. Dean is into hunting, Sam is unwillingly persuaded. Dean is insensitive, Sam kinder and sweet. Dean plays dumb, Sam's the academic achiever. But what we witness over the course of the season essentially reverses this. Sam's the real rebel defying his father, Dean the obedient son. Dean gets a lot of scenes showing him make swift emotional connections esp with children or people in caretaker roles. Dean's very adult 'I'm 26 of course I go on hunts alone' is unmasked by the fact he gets Sam to help him because hes lonely. And Dean (often clumsily) tries to help Sam move on about Jess and open up about his nightmares. While the explicit dialogue casts Sam as the geeky loser brother what we see in this season is that the loser is actually Dean. Sam has friends, Sam has a relationship, Sam has a life he wants to get back to. Dean has no one and some of the hardest emotional hits this season are when his mask is lifted to show us just that. For instance shape shifter Dean voices his jealousy in Skin. Also Azazel taunts Dean about how he needs Sam and John in a way that they dont need him.

The closing episodes really bring some of these contrasts home. Dead Mans Blood gives us a great bonding scene between Sam and John, for me that's a moment where it falls into place that they so much in common that it leaves Dean on the outside. They both loved women they lost to a demon. For both of them (at this stage) the mission, as in killing this demon, matters more than family. Its Dean who constantly prioritises family, even while his family deprioritise him. Both Sam in Salvation and John in Devils Trap put sacrificing themselves to kill the demon as their first priority. Whereas Dean consistently argues for family, first persuading John that they are stronger together, then telling Sam that the three of us 'is all I have' in Salvation. The point gets hammered home in Devils Trap where Dean says (in case the stupid viewer missed it "you and Dad are a lot more alike..cant wait to sacrifice yourselves, but I'm going to be the one to bury you").

Much of the rest of the relationship development is about showing us the partnership Sam and Dean are developing. You see increasing ease in working together - maybe most cliched in how they toss weapons back and forth in Hell House. Plus that interesting sibling dynamic when you love someone and find them intensely annoying that feels enjoyable even if your own sibling relationship is nothing like it.

But what's interesting is that while Dean's character is revealed throughout the season. You see through the episodes the difference between his Dean presents himself and hiw he is, but dean doesn't change. Hes immature and emotionally driven I'd also savvy and brave. Its Sam who changes. Not in how he is, but in his priorities. Sam realises the good bit about Dean among the stuff that irritates him. But most importantly the final episode shows us Sam moving from thinking the mission is what matters just like John. To thinking his family matters more. He doesnt shoot Azazel inside John and when John berates him for it his look at the bloodied-up Dean in the rearview mirror speaks volumes.

It's all the more striking because thus argument has been the core dilemma for the last 3 episodes. It's also the crux of how Dean, for all his obedience, sees himself as falling short of who his father wants him to be. He cant turn his heart off. Its Dean who calls his dad sounding like a tearful little boy in Home. It's when John approves of him making the heart choice and using the colt to save Sam, that Dean realises it's not his father but Azazel speaking. I find that painful to watch it's been so well set up. You get lots of preview of Dean really wanting approval and when it finally comes and you're all ahh fsmily bonding, Dean puts it together and goes you're not my father. Ouch.

Absent fathers and eventually I guess an absent God is a big spn theme. So there is something to say for looking at it in this season. John's absence is the driver of the whole season. But it's also the foundation stone of both Sam and Dean's character. What we get most of in s1 is a sense of the impact of his fathers absence on Dean. The childhood neglect, but also the absence of approval. My European background always makes it jarring when children address their father as sir so I hope I'm not over reading this. When John gets back the way it emasculates Dean is jarring. The jumping to attention with the yessirs and the following orders is such a distance from the cocky law breaker. Its interesting that the first scenes in which I recall the boys speaking in unison are these yessirs. But the scene I remember most is a trivial one, Dean offers John a machete out of Babys messy looking trunk - hes already been pulled up by dad for inadequate car maintenance. But John pulls a bigger, better, cleaner machete out of his high spec truck - Dead Mans Blood. Sums it up for me. Dean is so eager for approval, his father withholds it so casually. Sam is less like this, because he had Dean to parent him however ineptly. Sam did not have a hoid parent in Dean, but Dean showed up. Sam starts to make that realisation in season 1 and there are a few thank you moments. Contrast Dean's only outburst against his father when hes admonished to call when in trouble. He takes a leaf out of Sam's book and notes that they did call in Lawrence and they called when Dean was dying in Faith, hes angry and rightly so. John didn't show. But its interesting that Dean's fight with John sounds like a child fighting with a parent. It even ends with 'I dont care for your tone' from John even as he accepts Dean's point. Constrast Sam and John who have a much deeper ongoing disagreement. But Sam fights his father from an adult position. He's not looking for approval or acceptance, Sam claims his ground, argues his point. Dean still just needs to be loved.

But as well as the impact of the absent parent there is also having grown beyond the parent. I feel like the final few episodes show us that 'the boys' have surpassed their father. John's fake colt idea is lame and Dean calls it. By contrast the devils trap at Bobby's to catch Meg feels like a moment of brilliance particularly as the trap is sprung on the viewer so we feel surprised too.. Sure they call in help from Bobby, but what they do is well planned and they pull it off. And calling in helo when you need it us grown up.

Theres an element of fate vs character exploration when it comes to Sam and Dean. What happens to Sam is fate. It's not related to how he is or how he behaves. We find that out more fully soon. Whereas what happend to Dean relates to his character. IMO Dean actually has the option of walking away from hunting that Sam tried to exercise. Unlike Sam, hunting wouldn't have pursued Dean by killing his girlfriend. But Dean's character means he doesnt chose to walk away because family is important to him, in a way that it isn't for Sam until the end of this season. Its interesting that Sam perceives of himself as having choices he doesn't have. Whereas Dean sees himself as having no choice, when in fact he does. But I guess we don't know that yet so maybe the argument doesn't work?

#supernatural #sam #dean #winchester

[fmdjoosungarchive]

location: tokyo, studios

date: april & september 2019. march, september, & october 2020

word count: 1753

tldr; verification for sung’s song tokyo. partial lyrics, full comp & prod. the song starts in tokyo, when sung is missing his boyfriend. it evolves over time to be like a diary piece and since it serves as the first ‘chapter’ in his album, it’s also kinda like an intro where it talks through/foreshadows what will be in the rest of the album. sung’s affinity for natural sounds continues, as well as inspiration from @fmdxsuji’s song arari on the composition. again pls dont come for me if it isn’t a gayageum it Sounds like one (in the equivalent of white ppl playing the ukulele but still)

not all songs needed to be about one thing. tokyo, for instance, happened to be about ten different things at once.

it’d started in tokyo. element had a tour stop in the city, and sung wasn’t feeling as chipper as he’d have liked. he loved performing with everything in his being, but-- he still rested his head against the window, watching buildings and people pass by in blurs, no other care for conversation.

sung couldn’t quite make sense of what had caused such a mood in him on the plane from seoul. he supposed, part of it was that he missed daisuke. his boyfriend wasn’t from tokyo, far from it actually, which over time seemed to have made daisuke feel a bit bitter towards tokyo. it wasn’t close enough for his family to visit, which meant seeing them even less often than he would have through touring. sung understood that. he doesn’t like being so far away from his parents the few weeks at a time that element go on tour. years sounded impossible.

but, tokyo still reminded him of daisuke. being greeted at the gate, and hearing chit chat all around him in japanese, sat an ache in his heart. after all, coming to know daisuke over the last four years was the reason he’d come to be better at japanese. passing on by, he could understand most of what was being said, and that was all daisuke’s impact. most every sign he saw reminded him of his boyfriend, the food that he ate reminded him of what wasn’t with him.

maybe, he was just sad in general. that happened to sung, sometimes. he couldn’t pinpoint an exact cause of sadness, and was just sad. underlying issues he hadn’t dealt with could be the reason that happened, but it could also simply be his brain chemistry acting up.

that was his trouble; sung didn’t know. all that he could do was sit in his feelings until they lessened. he took a walk by himself before the concert, telling his manager he can ask for directions if he happens to get lost. that time alone was really needed. he called daisuke, but it seemed the man was busy, as he went to voicemail.

“hi, honey. um, i made it into town safely. it’s- it’s kind of loud here, this might have been the wrong time to call, but, um, i just wanted to check in. maybe see your face.” he’d stopped his path, leaning up against a building to look at the sky. “i miss you already. it’s hard being surrounded by so much that reminds me of you, when i don’t have... you.” his sigh probably sounded tinny over the phone. “anyway, um, call me when you have time, please. i love you!”

sung stayed in that spot for a while, long enough that he decided to record a video of the bustling landscape around him. as he started walking again, he caught all kinds of sounds, cars, trains, planes, click clacking of heels, even a siren. he ended the video with a short facecam, so he could cut that part of the video to send to daisuke.

over the rest of his time in tokyo, sung kept playing that ten minute video over and over, and over again. something about the ambient, faceless sound of human existence was calming, comforting.

in the shower after the concert, sung kept humming the same note pattern on repeat. at first, it was natural, as his brain kept coming back to it, without his active thought towards it. however, the more he repeated himself, the more sung thought that he should be keeping his melody in his head to record after he got out of the shower. it could be useful for something, at some point, he’d reasoned.

he was right, eventually. in the flurry of trying to write songs for his first solo album, sung had turned back to every piece of unfinished song that he possibly could. one of them was this piece, broken into the sounds of daily tokyo streets, and a short humming melody. it was... workable.

sung crafted a simple piano piece based on the humming, used some of the sound from his tokyo video, and just with those two things, it was a basis to write off of. he tried to recall the feeling of that day, by watching the full video of the street a few times over. getting back to that day wasn’t as hard as he thought. papers, then his computer, were dotted in with sing-rap lines about missing someone.

only partially through mixing that vocal line in, did sung think he might be wasting his time. the sound was so different from everything else he’d been working on, much too simply and abstract. and so, the playlist of tokyo was shelved again.

with march came the end of his second solo promotions, and in came the desire to write more music. it was then he came back to toyko, to fiddle around. sung wasn’t sure what he wanted from the song, or if he wanted anything at all, which took some of the pressure off in continuing to write. he made it much more complicated, at first, adding a plethora of digital instruments that he figured he could add in live later, should he so choose. in the end, basically none of that made it into the final cut. the negative of doing whatever he pleased, was that for the most part, he’d lost the point, and feeling, of the song.

what did stay, was something sung came to find integral to the piece. modeled after a recording of his own heartbeat, there was a drum line. deep, guttural, mixed into the piece as if it was still stuck in someone’s chest, and your ear was against it, straining to hear what was pounding into you without any effort on its part.

the song had started to be about life, and those held dear, which was a perfect place to use something that sounded like the foundation of life.

stumbling across the song for the last time was entirely accidental. sung would call it fate. that melody hadn’t crossed his mind in months, but the second he heard it again, it was stuck for weeks. there was nothing he could do to quell the sound in his brain than work on it.

first, he stripped back what wasn’t working, back to the simplistic version he’d started with. after adding on the drums, the world was his oyster. over the next couple of weeks, sung started writing lyrics, mixing where he was at back in tokyo, with his feelings of self. he wondered, if maybe part of his sadness, that day, was in missing himself, too. being in that sad area wasn’t what sung liked to consider part of him. it was something that happened to him, that he dealt with decently regularly.

lyrics took the majority of his time, as he mulled over this thoughts of what the song might come to be, if about anything particular at all. the next major composition change was quite quick, though. his interest had been piqued, the first time he heard suji’s demo of arari. sung had yet to attempt using traditional korean instruments in his music. really, the thought hadn’t crossed his mind until that moment, having his heart swayed by the beauty of the danso and suji’s beautiful voice.

he wasn’t very confident, never having trained with traditional instruments before, but there was a first step in everything. he’d gone to his usual music shop as soon as he had time to, to rent a gayageum. and, simple as the piece he wrote was, it didn’t take too much learning for him to get a good recording of it. listening to it again, with that addition, sung felt how much the song benefitted from that small change, and promised himself that he would continue to learn the gayageum, so that he could make something more beautiful to show the world in the future.

sung also made a note to thank suji for the inspiration.

the next change was quite a big one, though it didn’t deal with the composition. towards the end of september, sung thought he might want to go further than he did with moonchild, and have a song completely in english. even more ambitious than before, he knew, but he also had a slight edge of confidence, after having felt the power moonchild ended up bringing.

a creature of habit, sung called up the same songwriter he’d worked with on moonchild, to request help again. he didn’t really want to translate the words he’d already written, thinking that would flow much less smoothly as a full song, but rather, he wanted to take the feelings he’d put into the korean lyrics, and match it with english.

sung tried to take a more active role in writing the lyrics that time, because it was a full song, based on his own experiences and feelings. it worked fine enough, since sung had a decent grasp on understanding english, even if he didn’t think of it easily himself.

he’d insisted they keep one of the english lyrics that was in the original piece. it was a callback to another song he’d written for the album, talking about love and hate. tokyo was a place that held those feelings, from himself and his original inspiration for the song, just like seoul had from himself for the last decade.

getting to where he wanted was harder than it was for moonchild, since they were starting from near zero, from where sung usually started his songs, and because... sung knew he was being more stressful of a writing partner than he was the last time. every word he wasn’t sure of, he asked for in-depth explanations of, wanting each line to express exactly what it was he was going for.

sung couldn’t explain what this song was about, if he was asked, not in a pretty pink bow. the song was about tokyo, and what that city had brought to sung. that ditty, on repeat, with the sounds of scratched pavement underneath. music wasn’t always simple to understand. it could be a feeling.

the last thing sung changed about the song before sending it off in his final tracklist, was a clip of him humming at the end of the song, with that siren in tokyo in the distance.

[hannie-dul-set]

(thirteen times) i love you— 05

— wherein y/n (a hopeless romantic) seems to fall in love with nearly ever guy she meets. so, she writes letters for them to compensate. these letters weren't meant for them to read, but what happens when they all end up receiving them?

05 // you put flowers to shame

word count: 1.9k

a/n: hnnn yn is dumb and a mood

next part will be on July 23rd, 8:00PM EST!

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masterlist

The walk towards the garden went at an agonizingly slow pace. You were supposed to meet Joshua there according to Seungcheol (whom arranged the meeting without your consent— the male is gonna receive a beating from you later, for sure). To say you were ready to face Joshua would be a gigantic lie, but you can't back out now.

"I swear to god, the next time I see Seungcheol's face— he's gonna fucking get it." You continually muttered, passing through the hallways filled with numerous students. You could see a few weird looks thrown at your direction, causing your mood to sink down even further. Try being in my place for a day, will you?

A faint buzzing interrupts your incessant curses. Pulling out your phone, you let out a groan.

[seungcheol: psst hey hey

seungcheol: joshua's already there hehehe]

[you: 🖕]

A myriad of green foliage and blossoming flowers came into view. You pause for a while, letting out a long sigh. Alright, Y/N, you can do this. Joshua is literally one of the nicest people you've ever met. If anything wrong happens— there's a well nearby. After mustering up the slightest amount of courage you could manage to conjour, you made your way to the garden's entrance.

The smell of fresh flowers drown your senses. A few feet away, you could see Joshua sitting on one of the benches, arms crossed and eyes closed. He blends perfectly with the greenery; as if he belonged in the center of a painting scenery. The air around him is nothing but serenity— your previous foul mood dissolving into thin air upon seeing the sight.

You shake your head, snapping you out of your trance. Focus, Y/N. You're here to retrieve your letter, not to gawk at this devastatingly pretty boy without his consent no matter how tempting it could be— there's always a time for that. Focus.

Repeating the mantra in your head, you inched towards the resting male, careful to not disturb him on your way (the rocks on the ground made it quite a difficult task). Once you've reached him, you weren't sure what to do next. You pondered whether or not to say something to wake him up. A few seconds of silence pass until you finally decided to say something, but a low groan stopped you from doing so.

"Oh, Y/N. You're here."

Well shit. Goodbye, focus.

"Um, y-yeah. Have you been waiting long?" You stammered. Dear god, why did he have to say your name with that damned morning voice— it isn't even morning for fuck's sake. Your mental scolding continued until the male managed to stifle out a response in his half-asleep state.

"Mm, not too long," Joshua placed his palm over his mouth, letting out a yawn. "C'mon. Take a seat," he scooted over to give you room to sit on the bench. Slowly, you sat beside him. Despite being seated next to the male, you refused to look at him; your focus was entirely on the purple patch of forget-me-nots in front of you. You placed your hand on your chest in the hopes of calming down your erratic heartbeat. Y/N, you dumb bitch. The letter— you're here to bring back the letter, not to bring back your buried feelings for the damned male. Absolutely not, you reminded yourself once more.

Neither of the both of you say a thing. The once peaceful air was replaced with an uncomfortable touch of awkwardness. You decided to spare a quick glance at the male. But upon turning your head towards him, you were met by a pair of eyes as well. A flush of pink covers your cheeks at the sudden eye-contact and you instantly turned away. You could hear a slient cough coming from beside you and the sound of him shuffling in his seat.

Y/N, go say something, for god's sake.

You bit your bottom lip, thinking of the proper words to say to break the chilling silence.

"So, about the letter—"

"About the letter you sent—"

You slap your hand over your mouth, preventing you from saying anything any further. You cheeks began to flare a bright red even more. A small smile forms on Joshua's face as he lets out a gentle laugh from the exchange. "You go first."

Holy shit—. You mentally smacked yourself. Keep it together, Y/N.

"Um well," you bit the inside of your mouth, raising your head to look at the male (which was a really bad idea). He stared down at you, the corners of his mouth slightly lifted upwards and his eyes filled with nothing but a soft glint of attentiveness. In short, he almost murdered you with that stare.

You stifled out a cough, trying to get yourself back on track. "Actually, Joshua. That letter was written like, four years ago."

"I had a feeling it wasn't recent," Joshua smiled, his attention turning towards a nearby rose bush. "Your way of words in the letter seemed different from how you currently write."

"How—how would you know?" you gaped, eyes widening from the males remark. Joshua lets out a chuckle, still not facing you.

"Well, you are in the school paper. I read your works, sometimes," he hummed. He gives you a side glance, mouth still in the form a sweet, gentle smile. "It's hard not to, you know."

This guy is really out to kill me.

You wanted to punch yourself, but you couldn't do that without looking like some sort of weirdo in front of the male. Lightly slapping yourself in the face (without Joshua seeing, of course), you made yourself recall what you came here for.

"A-anyways. If you don't mind, Joshua, I'd like to have to letter back," you sputtered out. "Everything written there is all in the past so you don't have to worry about anything— I, uh, I don't like you anymore. At least not it that way."

Joshua remains silent for a while, pressing his lips together tightly. His expression is unreadable and you started to grow anxious by each passing second, staring at the male with an evident nervous look in your gaze. Did I say something wrong?

"Ah, is that so?" he spoke out and you nodded in response. Joshua hummed and reached for his pocket, pulling out the familiar yellow envelope. "Here," he handed it over to you, a slight smile plastered on his face, causing one to bloom on yours as well. You slowly took the item from his hand and held it tightly, giving him a grateful look.

"Thank you so much, Joshua."

"It's not a problem."

The male gave you a close-eyed grin, sending a surge of warmth all throughout your body. Time to yeet out of here, Y/N. Dont give into the devil's tempation.

You readied yourself to stand up and to take your leave, but a sudden but firm grip on your wrist prevented you from doing so.

"Y/N—," a flustered look shrouds Joshua's face and he immediately lets go of you. "Sorry, my bad," he scratches the crook of his neck and bashfully looks away from your direction.

"It's fine, Josh. Is there something on your mind?" you inquired, raising your brow at the male. He hesitantly opens his mouth but closes it once again. Your mouth forms into a slight frown. You don't know what was going inside the male's head, but as far as you've known him, he's always hesitated in doing things for his own self-satisfaction— he's always done what the people want, even at his own expense.

"Joshua," the male snaps out of his trance upon hearing the sound of your voice. "You don't have to be afraid to tell me anything— whatever it is, I'll listen."

Surprised at your sentiment, Joshua's eyes widen. He then trails his attention to the ground, taking in a long and deep breath. Slowly, he pulls his head up, eyes taking you in entirely.

"Y/N, if you don't mind," he pauses for a while, one of his hands playing with his sleeve. "I hope this won't be the last time that we talk to each other— of course, unless if you don't want to."

Joshua's eyes scan your face for any sign of discomfort and seems to relax just the slightest bit when he sees none. You weren't gonna lie— you nearly passed out because holy shit is he asking to my friend that's so adorable fuck. You breathed deeply, trying to calm your racing heart (courtesy of Mr. Hong Jisoo) and Joshua patiently waited for your response, anxiousness evident in his features.

"I'd like that, Josh," you tell the male, eyes gleaming and mouth smiling. Clearly, Joshua didn't expext that to be your answer. He was taken aback at first, but that changed almost immediately. Eyes formed into small crescents and the corners of his lips turned upwards, Joshua's blooming expression nearly puts the dozens of flowers in the garden to shame.

The sun was starting to set, giving everything a beautiful, orange warmth— and making Joshua look even more breath taking than before (in your defense, you could still admire people without harboring feelings for them, duh).

"It's getting late, isn't it?" Joshua mused, eliciting a soft hum from you in response. "Shall we get going?"

You gave him a quick nod and started to head over to the garden's exit with the male trailing behind you. You took your time taking each step, admiring the numerous blooms that are present in every corner (and maybe because you wanted to stay with the male a little longer, but you'd never admit that). Distracted by the gigantic patch of sunflowers on your left, you didn't notice a rather big rock right in front of you.

In short— you tripped.

You let out a high-pitched yelp, closing your eyes and waiting for the painful impact to come— but it didn't. Rather than being pulled straight into the bumpy ground, you were somehow pulled away from it, and with a faint thud, your head landed on a smooth and hard chest.

"Y/N are— are you alright?" Joshua questions, worry evident in his tone. You opened your eyes, raising your head to see the male who was only inches away. His hands landed on your shoulders, gripping you with a firm yet gentle hold. A light flush of pink spreads on your face and you scrambled away from the male.

"I—I'm fine, Josh, thank you" you coughed out.

"Are you sure?" he asks once more, brows furrowing with concern. "Do you want to go the infirmary?"

Infirmary? You nearly choked. Memories of last times mishaps surfaced inside your mind. The nurse pretty much hates you now, and going in with the same fucking guy you were literally hiding from would end up being absolutely awkward to the point that you could literally drown yourself in the awkwardness— that's not something you'd like to experience (you've had enough, thank you very much).

"No!" you exclaimed, surprising the male a little bit so you immediately toned yourself down. "I—I mean— it's not like I'm hurt or anything and it's all thanks to you, Josh. You were there to catch me on time so I didn't end up slamming into the ground or anything."

Joshua remains silent for a while, his eyes focused on you. You could feel your blush resurfacing and you averted your eyes from the male. He let out a sigh and spoke, ruffling your hair in the process.

"If you say so."

[cryptvokeeper]

boy howdy time to use that one(1) exoticism class I really loved to analyze good omens through that lens!

ok so if you've made it past the read more I would like to offer up this post’s tags as sort of a base starting point. if you're too lazy to read ill sort of sum up the concept;   aziraphale and crowley like people the way zookeepers love animals. They dont have a deep love for humanity as PEOPLE. Not with an enlightenment era, ‘people are the best’, humanist philosophy. not the way Adam does, which I think is a great way to look at it!

buuuuut...not entirely the same way I would look at it for the sake of this analysis. I’d like to argue that conceptually, Crowley and Aziraphale aren't zookeepers; they're tourists.

why? well for one zookeepers is giving them WAY too much credit. Like theyre ‘the keepers of humanity’. Yeah no. if they were good at their jobs maybe id see the point, after all their job description are, once again referencing OP’s tags;  to make sure the animals under their care are well-nourished and have lots of Engagement     #in their Habitats (very deliberately and carefully designed for Enrichment) . But both of the ineffable idiots are notorious slackers. I wouldn't quite call shutting down phone lines or keeping customers from buying books enrichment. 

but ok, they may not be like zookeepers, but what makes me say theyre tourists? well first off, lets look at who is writing the book; Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett. we’ve got two white guys from the uk. and I promise you, I promise promise promise that the tldr of this isn't ‘theyre white so theyre problematic’. im not here to do that. however it bears keeping in mind that this is the perspective of the writers which will inevitably impact the way they write their story and characters. and it does! Aziraphale and Crowley are super fucking British. and yes, you can claim that theyre supernatural beings with no real earthly nationality, but be honest with yourself. They live in London, have for a good chunk of their time on earth. if you go by the tv show at least since the 1800′s, possibly and likely longer. and so that britishness its a huge part of the book’s humor, tone, vibe, everything. but beyond that, its a part of how these characters view the world. or rather, the way these two view the world is reflective of the fascination with the exotic that was nurtured in many European nations thanks to imperialism. Think about the dynamic of power between the ineffable duo and humanity. they are ethereal, occult, all powerful beings. they could make or break countless human lives with their miracles and wiles. “But they dont hurt anyone!” you say. and sure, you are correct in that. The humans around them are ignorant to what they are, but we as the audience are not. we know the imbalance of power in the relationship, and are frequently reminded of it. They may only dine at the ritz and walk in the park, but its all too easily read like Flaubert in Egypt. Crowley and Aziraphale essentially treat the world at large the way traveling europeans treated their colonies Middle East, Asia, and Africa. As one big vacation catering exclusively to them.

recall Crowley and Aziraphale’s drunken antics post the antichrist being dropped off at the hospital. you know, the whole ‘the antichrist has been on earth for 24 hours and we’ve been drinking for six of them’ bit. how does Crowley argue for Aziraphale to help him stop the apocalypse? does he draw on humanist idea, such as the inherent value of human life? not at all. in fact, he sooner argues that dolphins and gorillas don't deserve to die before humans. instead he appeals to aziraphales love of human things. of books and wine and food. not humans themselves, but the things that they offer him. nothing quite as colonialist than looking at a group of people and seeing their culture in terms of commodity. he also argues against heaven, against celestial harmonies and eternity watching the sound of music. this becomes a sort of pseudo primitivism, one which is expanded upon in the tv show. heaven and hell are mean and heartless and dont care about people, not like the noble savages of England. 

I like to think that by the end of the story they sort of understand why their viewpoints are flawed, or at least they've been challenged to think about them more deeply. again, see OPS tags;   #it's why aziraphale and crowley are so absolutely gobsmacked by [Adam] #neither of them anticipated (any more than Heaven or Hell) that humanity would choose its own side; its own path its own grace and sin. they start to understand a bit. better that humans aren't just there for their own entertainment. 

I could go more into ethnocentrism and such, but ima leave it here. again, this is NOT a criticism of good omens or its creators in ANY way. this isnt saying that its problematic or cancelled or WHATEVER, I just genuinely enjoy analyzing things, its how I process the things Im passionate about. and I encourage other people to do critical analysis with what they love too. Not to be critical, but to critically analyze. think about why the thing you love does what it does, and then think about how it does it. and talk about it without accusing the work of anything.

[tomioneer]

yyh rewatch number 11 WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY KIDS NOW

been a few days bc I am BUSY AF irl, and I made it through the dr ichigaki fight--just barely without tears--by watching with a friend. now we’re at episode 35 and watch straight through to 42, and I can’t help but blog about it because HELLOOOO, NINJA BABES

guess who’s here

it’s jin and TOUYA BITCHES

kurama recognizes them, I wonder if he's actually fought them before

I remember that hiei and kuwabara both get taken out of the fight, but can’t recall if genkai does as well

what I figured out when my friend asked why koenma knows genkai’s younger face is that since she was on a mostly human team in the past, she was probably one of the special guests at the tournament? and thus a member of a team koenma technically owned 

it’s upsetting that toguro didn’t seem to recognize his EX GIRLFRIEND.

jin speaks so quickly I can hardly understand him

it’s like merida in the new wreck it ralph trailer, just.. irish

ps JERRY FUCKING JEWELL again, for those keeping track

I’m gonna go ahead and mark yusuke and jin down as a ship now before I lose control

also, jin and touya

ship count: 8/400

I should really make a list of whose’ who in that count lol

oh yeah, here’s the medical exam, I remember it

her hair is gorgeous I would marry him if she asked

WOW she doesn’t even take kuwabara just genkai and hiei

a barrier master

and she’s just

oh man she took her coat off and I melted

STOP ELECTROCUTING MY KID BABE

epilepsy warning for this whole arc

koenma you’re a jerk

jin decides to fuck off because he doesn’t like fixed fights, bless him, he’s a terrible shinobi

demon makeup cool. not cool? the FUCKING RACIST image in the back during the explanation. I SAW that feathered headdress, togashi!!

kurama isn’t BOTHERING to attack because he’s observing

and hiei tells us why kurama is going to be fucked

jin is so done with this subterfuge bullshit

the audience is eating this up and touya speaks at last, my love, my darling, my short spiky blue beautiful man

I would kill to be able to put on makeup that perfectly, that easily

I know how kurama finishes this fight, but my friend can’t remember. I love it, this is so good.

“with his hair??” she asks, shocked

“only an amateur depends on arms and legs for victory”--kurama, with a whip coming out of his hair

“How is he controlling that?”

“With his spirit energy?”

isn’t there more behind why this guy is trying os hard? they’re not being blackmailed are they

oh.

there’s more, the patterns--

fuuuuck

and of COURSE his reiki is sealed, and as long as he’s standing--goddamn

wait

touya fights an immobilized kurama?

I don’t remember that!!!! son of a BITCH

“how will yusuke’s shattered team survive” asks the narrator. “This is bad” says yusuke

this is not good

I hate that kurama seemed to observe that gama’s paint was made of blood but didn’t like. pay attention to it?

friend just punned: “Touya is a cool dude”

I’m screaming she hates puns

one of the black black club just asked sakya why he is sharing “Ass space” with demons. fucking. what.

why does the committee want yusuke so dead, when they invted him? I guess that’s the whole REASON they invited him, ugh.

genkai tries to be optimistic for the first time in this series, and kiei shuts her down immediately

ohhhh the shinobi just need attention so they keep getting jobs

koto freezes to death, it’s very sad

touya somehow thinks a theif can’t keep running.. and seems to be right

“running like a baby is perfectly brave if the odds are uneven enough”--Koenma’s words of wisdom

such an inspiring leader the spirit world has

doesn’t he smudge the seal withhis own blood HEY he does

I am remembering these things seconds before it comes into play

touya’s attacks are honestly amazing

koto is a bit twisted

kurama plants something in himself, and then that’s what holds him immobile for the next guy right?? the big one yusuke kills

why doesn’t touya know who he is??? I thought, if they called him a traitor, we could ASSUME they knoew who kurama was??

why was touya blishin’?

the ICE SWORD man oh man one of my old old old old mary sues had that attack

oh yeah there it is, the arm wound, he plants it in that

“son of a frickin bitch”--yusuke urameshi

Koenma: Why do I get the feeling our most intelligent fighter is about to do something incredibly stupid?

Kurama: Let me do what I must... *does something stupid*

touya decides they’re friends now, so he wants to kill kurama painlessly

is

is touya fucking DEAD

oh good he’s alive

but also it’s not good

oh but okay kurama won

three more then

I know kurama vs. bakken is terrible

kurama also thinks they’re friends

faint heartbeat

amazing

ah, bakken

I hate him

“a fighter standing in the ring cannot be removed agains this will. as will cannot be determined...”

hatred

hiei is ready to go to war for his man

how is that motherfucker even a shinobi

yikes that last shot of the ep is absolutely awful

yusuke promises the audience that of he goes, it will be with a bang. I remember more of a whimper when sensui kills him.

who is that last guy on team masho? I remember bakken, and it’s clearly jin, but the third one, I can’t remember

BAKKEN JUST BITCH SLAPPED KOTO

yusuke is my BOY

I love him

this “kill the traitor” count is just. horrible

kuwabara is STILL out for the count

kick his ass baby boy

yusuke is my hero

why is uh. bakken sweating so much

mist made from his own uh. sweat. that’s pretty nasty

yusuke: I hate saunas.

I don’t remember this fight taking even this long???

yusuke has such great eyelashes

boy is already so like. pumped to fight jin. 

yusuke just used eighth grade science”you can get on your hands an knees and start begging.and maybe, just maybe, I’ll listen.”--yusuke urameshi

KILL HIM YUSUKE 

he’s ready to commmit murder and it’s amazing

jin didn’t even flinch

“That’s a pretty good fight”

kurama’s gorgeous and also awake

he’s making plant jokes and I hate it

I STILL DONT REMEMBER THIS RISHO BITCH

look how great these kids are. 

I DID remember about ruka’s barrier thing healing hiei

no way jin can’t fight first if he does how does yusuke fight him SECOND????

“If I win my whole team’s screwed and if I lose I have to fight again.”

jin is amazing. seriously. also, can these boys get married please?

you know I’m a multi shipper right 

well that was a fun match, sad it’s over

jin is just

such a happy guy I love it

they call them brothers but really the chu thing is much closer to that

“ass space” bbc guy now claims to pull the tournament committee by his the “ass hairs”

so quick!!

kuwabara seems insistent on the fact that he is “spiritually aware” in situations where he lacks that talent to actually observe

yusuke lands exactly one punch and jin floats up to let the impact wear off

“Hey, I needed that!” says yusuke when his spirit gun is deflected by jins wind 

jin thinks he’s very funny

he’s right

why is boan lashing out at kuwabara, when she’s supposed to be TREATING HIM

somehow Jin with his irish accent--or rather, Jerry fucking jewell  with his irish accent--isn’t triggering at all lmao. maybe because this is how I prefer him

yusuke’s hero eyes, at it again

how many reigun shots does yusuke have left?

jin’s so good at fights I love him so much

“something always comes ot me at the end” say yusuke about his battle stretegy

hiei

genkai, sarcastic: you truly havbe a way with women, hiei

JIN IS HUMMING LOVE HIM

yusuke plans to try the spirit wave, somehow forgetting his shotgun move???

shizuru once again knows exactly what’s up

bless the kuwabara family sixth sense

it’s so weird how genkai is speaking in third person

have I mentioned how much I love Jin’s eyes? 

yusuke call shimself a freak because he enjoys fighting

okay we’re back to who the fuck risho is???

if jin’s the official captain---

oh my god I just screamed when risho revealed himself and dropped my laptop holy shit

like a gut punching, throat-tearing godawful scream. 

“IT’S YOU!!!”

oh my god I don’t reember anyting about him other than earth and rocks and how much I HATE HIM

does he fight kuwabara? yukina just showed up trying to get in to see the tournament, does she heal kuwabara for this fight?

touya comes up. does risho attack him? that would explain why I hate him

yusuke defends koto, who he doesn’t like

hiei

i love

these two children are so angry

lkjlkjdasdflkjsadfkhjsdfasdf;lkjsadf

shizuru finds yukina and recognizes her from watchign that video, bless her

girls helpin’ girls

kuwabara was never technically ruled ineligible to fight, and I hate life

ginger son, don’t do it

he is so goddamn fucking helplessly sacrificial

yukina, go inside and heal your goddamn boyfriend

yukina is looking for her brother, oh SHOCK

shizuru intimadates an entire crowd of demons

her legs oh my god

just wait kuwbara, your girl with healing powers will be there soon

kuwabara is doing his best

keiko gets hit on by a bouncer and murders him

shizuru once again takes out a demon

can kuwabara shizuru marry kino makoto please???

risho is a dick

koto is clearly a sado-masochist

hiei GET OUT OF THERE

ruka is just like. a fetish indulgence of the artists. I know she’s hot but how long are they going to draw this out? 

koto: I’m goign to take the ocunt now, so everybody make sure to tell me how I’m doing it wrong, okay?

savage

START the DOUNT KOTO, he’s OUT of the ring

shizuru WRECK THEM

oh yukina has ptsd flashbacks when she runs into toguro

sakyo lets shizuru escape bless her

kuwabara prepares to sacrifice his ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE and becomes telpathic?? bless

kuwabara can’t imagine what to say to yusuke, who means so much to him, goddamnit

yukina is in the stadium, babies

YOU’VE GOT TO BELIIIIIIIIIIIIEVE IN THE POWER OF LOOOOVE

IT GIVE MEANING TO EACH MOMENT

IT’S WHAT OUR HEARTS ARE ALL MADE OF (just look inside)

oh my god

amazing

“That’s my girlfriend!”--Kuwabara Kazuma, aged fourteen

yusuke is astounded by his boy

koto isn’t counting either of them

SPIRIT SWORD

GET IN THE RING 

damn kuwabara

I can’t beleive he did it that’ s an highly unlikely triumph

hiei

“She’s... really here.”

Kuwabara bonds with yukina while keikpo and keiko FINALLY talk

KILL HIM BABY GIRL

pls get married

t;dr I would marry shizuru in a heartbeat if I didn’t know she was meant for sailor jupiter

shoutout to @batmares!!! thank you ever so much for joining me today for the Urameshi vs. Ninja arc of the dark tournament saga!

[maylovexhs]

GUILTY(H.S) - CHAPTER 13

Author’s Note: I was highly emotional when I wrote this so maybe you will cry with this one. Enjoy loves! Xxx M

Masterlist

Guilty Chapter List

“Morning” Dex said, walking into the living room.

“Good morning” Dex’s mother said to him.

Dahlia was still sleeping. I didn’t dare to say anything to Dex. I was planning on giving him the silent treatment. I would fight him about him lying to me about last night but he didn’t deserve that. He deserved karma. Plus, if we did fight it would wake up Astrid.

Dex walked over to me. He bent down to kiss me on the cheek. I turned my head away from him. Dex  became aware that I knew he lied about last night. He stood up, looking down on me.

“Are you mad at me?” He asked me. “Is this about the concert thing? I told you it’s a family thing”

I looked up at him, blinking in annoyance.

A family thing? Astrid and I are his family now. He needs to know everything he does now impacts us.

“Family thing?” I asked him. “Your parents and Dahlia aren’t your only family anymore”

“I know that” Dex answered.

“Do you?” I asked, getting up from the couch. “Do you know what being a parent is? Because I’m pretty sure it means putting your child before everything else”

“Who says I’m not?” Dex asked, becoming offended. “I would never leave Astrid if you were alone with her. Your mom and mine were both here to help”

“But what if they weren’t?” I asked him, crossing my arms. “What would you do then?”

I could sense Melissa knew where this was going. She stepped back.

“Obviously stay with you” Dex answered. “Why are you making a big deal out of it?”

“Why??? Why?!?!” I repeated after him in an enraged voice. “Maybe because I remember you saying you would do anything for Astrid when I was pregnant? Do you not recall you being so happy to take care of her when I told you I got pregnant?”

“I am doing that!” Dex raised his voice at me. “Can’t I have a little break from it though? You need one too. I swear you kill me sometimes”

“Dex,” Melissa called on him.

I away from Dex. I felt my eyes begin to water.

We all remained quiet enough to hear the sound of Astrid trying to move around in her bassinet. Dex looked down on her.

“You know what? You’re right. I do deserve a break” I said to Dex. “She has to eat at 10” I said, referring to Astrid.

“Where are you going?” Dex asked me as I walked away to the elevator.

I pressed the elevator button.

“I’m not saying” I stated. “If you’re gonna be dishonest with me, I will be with you too”

“What does that supposed to mean?” Dex asked.

“You know, Dex. You know damn too well”

The elevator bell rang and the doors opened. I stepped in and pressed the button for the doors to close. It did.

I needed a break. I needed a long break.

Boxing. I went downstairs to the gym to box. I knew I wasn’t allowed to participate in any physical activities since I still was sensitive from giving birth but I couldn’t help it. I needed to let my rage out and screaming at people wasn’t an option. Besides, no one was down here at the moment and I felt great. The painkillers I’ve been prescribed to be on increased my pain tolerance.

I continued to hit the hanging punching bag in the middle of the ring until I heard the sound of clapping behind me.

Clap. Clap. Clap.

I stopped hitting the bag. I put my hands on my head, trying to catch my breath. I so didn’t want to see anyone now. I wasn’t in the mood. I swear if Dex came down his face would be my new punching bag.

I turned around. It was Harry. He wasn’t worse than Dex but I still didn’t want to see him either considering he brought up the whole concert thing.

“Don’t start H” I warned him, turning back to the punching bag.

“Al’right” Harry said. “I jus’t came to say goodbye.

I turned around to him again.

He was leaving? Already?

“Goodbye?” I asked him, surprised. “That fast?”

“I have to be in LA a’gain” Harry explained.

“Why?” I asked him, a bit surprised. “It’s not like you got somewhere to be . . .Do you?”

“Can’t say” Harry stated, giving me a hint of a smile.

He was hiding something from me. Everyone was. I started to feel like I wasn’t worthy of people trust anymore to tell me things. In fact, i felt I didn’t existed anymore. I felt as I become someone who was used for only one reason.

I looked down to his hand. He had the same exact ring on as the last time I saw him. At that time, he was with Camille. He was still with Camille. He was going to see her. He was going to ditch an important event in my life for her.

“You’re going to see her again.” I stated. “Camille. You’re still with her.”

Harry looked down. He was trying to hide his prideful smile from me. I expected his relationship with her to burn out over his tour. They really didn’t seem like a good match to me. I guess I was wrong.

“Congratulations” I said to him, faking a smile. “How long have-“

“I’ve been seeing her?” Harry asked me.

“Yeah” I nodded, feeling sweat drip on my cheeks.

“Five months” Harry said.

Five months. Five months. His longest relationship. I used to be his longest relationship. I knew he would have longer ones, but it hurt. It hurt like fucking hell.

“Fuck . . .” I let out.

I watched Harry’s eyes grew wide in disbelief. He then smiled at me.

“Exc’use me’h?” Harry asked in shock. “Did yeh jus’t curse? A mother?”

“Sorry, I had to say it” I admitted. “All I feel right now is punching someone”

“Because of Dex or Camille?” Harry asked me.

“Both” I stated. “Actually, Everything. It’s a long story”

“I can listen” Harry offered. “I have about . . .”

Harry looked down on his watch.

“Seven minutes” He said looking up to me.

I took off my boxing gloves and walked over to one of the gyms chairs. I sat down. Harry sat down beside me.

I sighed.

“I’m a mother now” I said out loud.

“And?” Harry asked me, not being bothered by my situation. “Being a mom sounds great”

“No, H. It fucking sucks H” I said, bluntly.

“No, H. It fucking sucks H” I said, bluntly.

Harry let out a chuckle. I rolled my eyes at him. Of course, he wouldn’t understand. He never does.

“It’s not funny” I said, giving him light punch on the arm.

“I know” Harry laughed out. “J’ust how yeh said it”

“Then stop laughing” I told him.

”Al’right” Harry said. “Go on”

“It sucks” I stated. “I’m a mother who has no more time for herself and I’m someone who needs time for myself so I can deal with my issues”

“Your iss’ues?” Harry asked me. “What iss’ues?”

I looked to Harry. I didn’t want to admit. Neither did I want to think of it. Yet, the thought that Harry had become of one of my deep rooted issues has kept circling back to me since he has gotten back into my life. I wish I didn’t think like this. But I couldn’t avoid it. The second Harry came back into my life, Dex and I started to have problems. First it was his lying about Harry being our neighbor then Dex lying about being friends with him. Dexter even almost broke up with me because he thought I had feelings for Harry despite being pregnant with his baby. I swore I was over Harry and that I would never date him ever again but every time Harry brings up Camille I couldn’t help feel . . .not good enough. I knew people said don’t be friends with your exes but I didn’t believe it. In my eyes, I never understood why not unless they did you wrong. Now, I understood why. They were dead weight on your back. They were a reminder that you will always be second or not good enough for them. Harry made me feel not good enough and I needed to be more than good enough mother for Astrid.

I looked down at my lap.

“Dex” I said. “Myself. . . .You”

“Me’h?” Harry asked me. “What do yeh mean?”

“I know you feel nothing between us anymore and that you wish me the best but . . .”

I took a pause before I spoke again. I can’t believe I was about to say this. I needed to however. I felt my tears start to water up.

“I can’t do this anymore” I said, looking to him. “I can’t be friends with you anymore”

“‘Melia what are yeh-“

“I can’t” I said, cutting him off.

I stood up from my chair and stepped back. I felt tears start to fall down my cheeks. I was about to say goodbye to Harry. Forever. Harry stood up as well.

“When you broke up with me, I wanted to die” I continued to speak. “I thought I wasn’t good enough for you. For anyone. Then Dex came along and I was happy. I was happy. Happier than I ever was in my life but then you . . . you came back into it”

“‘Meli-“ Harry said, taking a step toward me.

I stepped back more from him. I couldn’t let him ruin one more thing in my life.

“And I really, really, wanted to forgive you” I stated. “But somehow when I did all those deep buried crushing thoughts came back. They come back every time you’re around. I was never good enough for you”

Harry locked eyes with me. I knew he was sorry for what he done and how he made me feel over the years but I never felt him mean it.

“Yeh really believe that?” Harry asked me, being disappointed.

“How can’t I?” I asked. “I was never good enough as Kendall or Paige. Even Taylor at one point. I never will be if you’re here”

“Yeh wrong” Harry said. “It’s not like-“

“Don’t, dont, don’t!” I begged him. “I can’t live with the thought thinking I’ll never be good enough when I’m trying to be my best for Astrid. I just can’t, H.” I said, wiping my tears away with my sweaty hands. “I can’t”

Harry looked down, almost as he was defeated. To my surprise, Harry then walked forward and wrapped his hands around me. His right arm pressed against my shoulders while his left pressed against the middle of my back. His curls grazed my cheeks, wiping some my tears away. His tobacco vanilla cologne consumed me. He hugged me more tightly as if he was afraid to let me go. I knew what he was doing.

He was saying goodbye to me. He finally understood.

“‘M sorry” Harry apologized as he still hugged me. “I never meant to hurt yeh”

It was odd hugging him this time. I hugged him plenty of times before but this one felt more sincere and sentimental compare to the previous ones.

“Yeh were always good enough to me’h” Harry whispered in my ear. “Yeh’re greater than good”

“You really believe that?” I asked him, still in our hug. “You’re not saying that to make me stop crying?”

“If I was, I would have said that earlier” Harry said, chuckling.

I sniffled, trying to hold back more tears. Harry let go of me, breaking our hug. He held onto my arms, caressing them. His green blue eyes stared into mine.

“Don’t ever think yeh not good enough” Harry told me. “Yeh amazing, strong, beautiful. Yeh bett’er than anyone I know”

I don’t know what I did next. All I knew was that I had a deep urge. Not an urge. An impulse that I couldn’t control. Whatever it was the heat of the moment or I was saying goodbye to him forever, I quickly pressed my lips against his.

I kissed him.

I couldn’t think straight when I kissed him. The passion I felt paralyzed my mind. It was as if all my problems drifted away and his lips were the only source of comfort I needed to have. I pulled away immediately when the thought of what I have done hit me.

I stepped back away from Harry. He looked completely in shock. Before he had the chance to say anything, I apologized.

“I’m sorry” I said, with heavy breathing. “I’m sorry”

I ran away from him and out of the gym. I quickly got to the elevator in time before it anyone went up. I stepped in and pressed my floor button. I leaned my head against the elevator wall as the doors closed and the elevator started to move.

What have I done? I fucked everything up. I fucked up my friendship with Harry. I had just fucked up my relationship with Dex. It’s all my fault. All my fault.

I didn’t have enough time to process my thoughts when the elevator reached my floor. The doors opened as I was forced to face reality. I walked out and into my apartment. Dex stood up when he saw me, walking towards me.

“I could apolo-“ Dex started to speak.

I interrupted him by hugging onto him tightly. I felt my eyes water again. My tears felt onto his sweater.

“What’s up with you?” Dex asked confused, slowly wrapping his arms around me.

“I’m sorry” I apologized. “I’m so sorry”

“What happened?” Dex asked me.

He started to rub up and down my back.

“Mel, you can tell me anything” Dex said to me.

“I kissed Harry” I said. “I kissed him”

[psikes21-blog]

How Sweet It Is.

So most of you who will take the time to actually read this know very well what I used to do. In short, I was the Clemson basketball PR guy. It’s how I was professionally identified. It was a part of my daily fabric. I lived, breathed and publicized Tiger hoops from 2005 all the way to May 2017.

Along the way, I changed my story. I took on a new challenge. I yielded the responsibilities I’d held for so long to someone else.

Many said it would never truly leave me ... well, they were right.

I like to think the events that unfolded this past season had a lot to do with it.

I mean, did I predict in my first season not heavily involved with the program the Tigers would reach the Sweet 16 of the NCAA Tournament for the first time in 21 years? If I’m being completely honest ... no, I didn’t.

As the team earned win after win, the respect came. National rankings. Players of the week. The attention they sorely deserved after years of grinding through arguably the nation’s toughest competition — the Atlantic Coast Conference — had come their way.

One year removed from the biggest collection of gut-punch losses and difficult locker rooms you could ever imagine, Coach B, his staff and players felt what it was like to get the true Tiger basketball fans behind them again.

As I inch closer to a year removed from Clemson Athletics, and a year learning something completely foreign to me in Student Affairs, it just feels like time to bang on the keyboard a little.

It’s time to start writing about sports again (no, hot takes on Twitter don’t count). So welcome to my sports blog, where I’ll offer hot takes and then some. I’ll write about football. I’ll dig deep into basketball (duh!). Anything and everything.

And what better place to start, than with a review of one of the most fun seasons I’ve ever had watching Clemson basketball. Keep in mind, I’ve been following closely ever since Tate George hit that dreaded jumper to beat the 1990 team in the Meadowlands.

Here’s what I’ll remember about the 2017–18 bunch:

This team really enjoyed each other. Not to say the locker room my final year was bad, per se, but let’s just say that many close, heartbreaking losses over the course of a season don’t make for the best of times.

Those two seniors, Gabe DeVoe and Donte Grantham, deserve a LOT of credit. Both really improved their games, but more importantly, led by example and vocally. When Grantham went down, Bobby (as Gabe’s been known by coaches and teammates since his freshman year) absolutely wasn’t going to let this team tank.

I can’t recall a player finishing out his career in the manner with which Bobby did. When he was on, forget about it.

We saw the fruits of the transfer market. I remember telling folks the big 3 of Shelton Mitchell, Marcquise Reed and Eli Thomas were going to be great additions when they sat out the season we played in Greenville during Littlejohn Coliseum renovations. Took a season longer than expected for the roles to be completely embraced, maybe, but boy have they ever made an impact.

I think Elijah’s commitment to understanding the defense and playing with more discipline did wonders for this team. Can’t wait to see what his senior season has in store.

Shelly and Quise both declared for the NBA Draft today, sans agents. Do I expect both back at Clemson? Yeah I do, but time will tell. Both are gifted dudes who are mature enough to make the right decision for themselves, and both have coaches who will go above and beyond to help educate them on realistic options.

Coach B getting off the ropes and fighting like hell. Let’s face it, he knew the pressure riding on this season. Indicative of his feel for this team was the halftime interview in the shellacking of Auburn. When asked what he would tell his team with that big of a lead, he said “Keep doing what you’re doing. Don’t overcoach ‘em.” Perfect answer. You could tell he loved coaching this bunch. Couldn’t be happier for him. He has been first-class and embraced me and my family from Day 1. Glad to call him a friend.

I could go on, but I’ll spare you the time. I hope to use this space semi-regularly. It’s what I do. It’s a passion.

For now, gotta go, second half of Nova-Michigan is about to start.