#started to reread for errors but it’s too long

[never-not-ever]

Night before/Admission Day

Of course we're not starting things out on a good note. It was mild, nothing compared to a month ago and how bad it could be but I didn't go to the ER. Honestly I was so done with everything and I think I had a mentality of "if they want to send me out the minute I get to the CEC then fine".

Trying to think of the night before it gets fuzzy which is weird cause I don't think I drank with the ativan. Maybe I did? I have this memory of going back and forth sipping cream soda and hard cider. But I can't remember if it was that night or another night. I remember taking 2 pills with celsius and I think I made a post about it on here if the two cancel out? But I can't remember taking the other 2/last 2 pills I had left.

Honestly it would explain the void in my memory. Like I didn't go to sleep, didn't even try to sleep that night yet I can't remember the hours up until I showered around 8:30? I actually think I was running late and was afraid I'd be late to my 10am admission, but like what would it have mattered if I was lol. I have a time stamp of the scale at 9:14am. Which speaking of that horrible thing... Ugh last year when I went inpatient it I was 36lbs lighter!! Jesus christ. I'm only up 15lbs since the day I discharged back in August. Which means I gained 20lbs during my entire admission. But my weight was constantly going up and down. I remember back in January I weighed less. I never did the weigh ins on Sunday the entire time I was here. Except occasionally but I made it a "blind weight for them" and weighed myself like in the corner so they couldn't see the number.

Okay moving off the topic of weight which has nothing to do with this post....

The night before I came here I kept procrastinating cleaning and laundry and packing and even when I had all my clothes and luggage in the kitchen on the table and counters I was still putting it off and getting distracted with other things. I think I ended up doing a last minute rush job with vacuuming in my living room. I kind of sort of remember showering and getting ready in the bathroom but the hours before that.. nothing.

I do remember on the drive here I was so tired and we were at a red light and I dozed off and my Nana got so worried.

I was afraid I was bringing too much. Looking at that picture I know the suitcase had clothes, that blue tied handle bag was food and snacks and my tumbler but that black floral bag... I don't even remember what I put in it.

When I got to the Clinical Evaluation Center they take everything (obviously) including my phone. I couldn't even keep a book which was strange but I just ended up sleeping or trying to.

They did my covid test which hurt like a bitch. Funny how some people aren't as invasive and others it feels like torture. Then she gave me a mask (absolute idiot) until my test came back.

I don't even remember the actual intake sessions just that the first one was with an MHS and the second was with a nurse. During all the waiting I hung out in the tv/lounge room and the chairs reclined which was nice. I got a blanket and pillow and tried to nap. I think I snacked on like a banana and pieces of a very dry blueberry muffin. Then I met with a doctor and talking about meds was fuzzy cause I told her how I stopped them and wasn't really taking them but then said how I'd take my prn and sleeping med occasionally.

I think I finally got up to the unit a little before 2pm because I remember the announcement for the 2pm fresh air walk. I saw some familiar faces especially when I had to wait in the hallway while my room was being cleaned. I saw the two girls (ones actually a few years younger than me and one is like in her 50s lol) saying "girls" sounded weird and like I needed to clarify.

The charge nurse who I always thought didn't like me did my intake and she was super nice and kept saying "hun/honey". She says that to everyone but it made me feel nice. It was very quick, she said something like "do you want me to go over everything or...." and I asked if there were any new rules and she said no and so that was that. She looked at the cuts and scratches on my chest from earlier that morning. I do know that I was honest and mentioned it downstairs in the CEC during my intake but they didn't ask to look at it. Maybe they thought it was the same as my (uncovered) chest and not that bad. But the nurse on the unit put a med consult in to make sure it wasn't infected, it's not, it never is.

I finally got to my room and ironically its one of the ones I was in the last time I was here. Unfortunately it's on the side where you can see in when the door is open. I was on this side for a few weeks in October last year and then I was switched to a single in November while on the 1:1 and after that I was switched back into this room but was on the other side luckily. I was in this room for I think 2 months, the majority with my friend who's still here. It was this room that had mold in it. Right near my bed lmao, and we had to move out.

Anways back to yesterdays boring chain of events. Once I got to my room I immediately tried to take a nap. By this point it was like 2:30ish cause I remember briefly seeing the checks person start her hour. She was one of my favs last time. I tried to sleep but it was so uncomfortable with these hospital pillows and the blanket and pillow I brought had to go through the dryer for 30 mins and I guess it was a busy time in the laundry room. I was trying to avoid having to leave my room but I ended up going to the nurses station to ask for my pillow/double check the stupid rule of it needing to go in the dryer...

I forget what time it was but when one of the cousnelors started her rounds on checks and was all nice and "hey Deb, do you need anything" I asked if she could check on when they'd be able to go through my belongings. Then a little bit later, I honestly don't think it was that much later but two counselors came in with all my stuff and started going through it. I liked those two so it was nice to see them again. We chatted a little while they went through things and then one of them who was strict/good at her job asked in the end "is there anything I missed that's going to pop up later?" and I smirked and was like "is that a trick question" and she was like "just trying to cover my bases". But I didn't sneak anything in from home. I almost said to them "the only thing I was tempted to sneak in was a really nice pen" but honestly that might not have been well received. But it's true. I'm not trying to start things off on the wrong foot especially since this is a voluntary admission and I reached out for help. Like how fucked up would it be if I snuck in stuff to hurt myself with right off the bat. Granted I did that throughout my admission last time when I went out on passes so I know they have their guards up and might even think I still managed to get something in. I don't blame them.

Once I got my clothes and stuff I folded and put everything away. My nurse for the evening came in during my belongings and introduced herself to me. She's new to the unit. I think she came right after I left but I already like her.

We had a check in and I asked her to rebandage my arm because the charge nurse who covered it tbh did a horrible job 😅 and it was way too big and covering newer scars that have been so itchy and irritated lately.

After that I went back to my room and don't really remember the order of the rest of the night but I know I saw those two girls playing cards and got introduced to some lady and younger guy. Then my roommate walked in and they all seemed nice. It became apparant that I knew the two girls from a previous admission and then my roommate was like "oh youve been here before, so you're all set..." sort of trailing off a question of thinking she'd tell me about the unit/show me around lol. She's a little older than me and super sweet. I was talking to one of the girls how it's weird being in our old room and the younger guy chimed in and said something and then was like "oh you guys know each other" and I was like "yeaaa me, blank and blank go way back" and me and the younger girl laughed.

I made some ramen since I already know the food here is shitty. I mean it's not always crap but it's not the best. Last time I resorted to just eating my own food like microwable stuff and snacks.

I think it was around 9 when the older girl texted asking if I was heading to bed or up to chat and so we hung out for a little while catching up and it was nice.

Then I made some english muffins, watched a little Will & Grace and then headed to my room at 11 when they close the common areas.

I "got ready for bed" which I'm going to try to do more while I'm here, like washing my face and brushing my teeth. I was worried spending so much time in the bathroom they'd think I was up to something but it was change of shift and honestly I don't even care.

When I came out I saw this girl who always works overnights and she's the best. It was just a quick hello in passing but it was nice to see her.

I was going to stay up late but I was exhausted and fell asleep before midnight and shockingly without any meds. But it makes sense since I didn't sleep the night before. I also didn't know if my trazodone was even in the system just cause of the weird interaction with the doctor in admissions "I'll put x, y and z in for now and you can talk to your doctor on the unit about the other stuff" and I forgot what the "x, y and z" were lol.

That was pretty much it. As if that wasn’t just 10 thousand paragraphs 🙄

[maythedreadwolftakeyou]

sorry to message but i just wanted to yell because I saw a post and yOU’RE THE AUTHOR OF FALLOUT FROM THE FADE ???? oh my goodness it’s my favourite fic ive read it SO many times.

i left a comment on ao3 last night because i finished reading it again and i just genuinely hope one day you finish it (i understand you have much going on i am just greedy).

but yes thank you so much for creating it, fenris and hawke are everything to me and this fic is my canon no matter what happens in veilguard. 💜

hahaha HELLO yes that is indeed I... I guess i do owe a little bit of an explanation here since its been uh... like 4 years since I last updated, yeah :| But it still makes me so happy that even after so long people still enjoy my little pile of suffering and yearning!

I don't know how many people who used to follow it are still on tumblr (I think a lot of people i used to write with/who would comment have deleted their tumblrs and AO3 accounts in the intervening years alas) but i do I owe anyone remaining a little context I guess lol. Long story made short is like very shortly after my last update i got broken up with unexpectedly from my 4 year relationship, and went into a bit of a spiral about it. I didn't fully stop writing at this point (though I think nothing I wrote in that like... year or more ended up posted anywhere), but I did realize that when I went to work on my ongoing stuff I was in a place where I was like... only wanting to write about anger/losing relationships rather than healing ones. And that part of me wanted to change some of the things I had planned for the following parts and ending of Fallout From the Fade. And so I decided to take a step back from it for a while to see if I actually wanted to make those changes when I was less bitter or if I wanted to follow my original plan.

And that took me about a year, emotionally. However by then I had actually left my prior job (where I spent a lot of time hiking/camping in the wilderness of Utah with no internet, and I used that time for writing), and started graduate school courses. Aaaannnd grad school has been slowly eating my life since. I've only posted I think one other fanfic since then, and it was a very short prose-poem one shot. Another contributing factor was my gaming tech was too old to actually play Trespasser when it came out, and by the time I got a laptop that could handle it, I had to replay the whole game but I was working full time, etc... and i felt really disconnected from the DA fandom since I couldn't read all the new fic/understand all the lore deep dive posts/experience it with everyone else simultaneously. Oh yeah and I work a second job as a professional mermaid in varying degrees of intensity depending on the season/oportunties available haha.

All that being said. I actually have written more of FFtF in the last 2 years. But like I said in the other post I made kinda recently, the long gaps between my later updates (vs the ones I was doing way more regularly in 2016-2018) had me rethink the approach I was using to write and post it, which was a chapter at a time. It felt like stringing people along in kind of a mean way to dump a chapter and then vanish for another year, and I knew I couldn't promise consistency while doing a masters/PhD program. So I've been kind of fiddling away at it slowly still, both actual writing of following chapters, and some substantial firming up/drafting sections in my outline to get to the eventual ending and ensure it's more cohesive than a lot of my slapdash chapters. But! Idk! I do also def work slower without the fun of having an audience, and miss that. and I never actually asked of the people who are left and still wanna read more of it, if they'd rather just get a chapter every 6 months or so as I scrounge it out. If you are one of those people and have an opinion def let me know.

I will say, the imminent presence of Veilguard does have me more inspired and creative again, and some of that has been going to Fallout. Especially since I'm no longer watching the videos/gameplay bioware is putting out since they have SOOO many spoilers and I wanna go into the game at least semi blind, so my creative energy has to go towards my personal stuff rather than joining everyone else in speculation and hype now. I'm definitely not promising I will have it close to finished by October when Veilguard releases, because I'm still in grad school and the next months are busy for me in terms of mermaid work too, but I am hoping I can make some good chunks of progress between now and then. But then if I say that and can't follow through after all I also don't wanna let people down.

Anyway yeah, it's sort of a lot of conflicting thoughts. But I'm still rotating Hawke and Fenris and this fic in my mind even these years later... which for me is honestly pretty normal. I mean I have whole original novels/worldbuilding ideas/etc that I've worked on for 10-15 years in my own time haha, I've been writing fiction for fun since I was like 10, so I think I also just think of stories/writing across a bigger timeline than people who start writing with fanfiction (which is MUCH faster paced) than original fiction. The difference of course is no one sees my original stuff so there's no one to care if i take 2 years between chunks of progress. SO I guess what I am trying to say is, yes definitely it is not abandoned, I am plodding away at it bit by bit, I also hope I can finish it one day!!!! that is within this decade i hope! whether or not anyone else is left to read it but me haha

[flemingsfreckles]

Ol’ College Try (18+)

Synopsis: UCLA!Jessie x UCLA!reader You and Jessie finally have bedrooms no longer in a dorm room, meaning you finally have the chance to explore a new step in your physical relationship using a strap on.

Warnings: SMUT (18+), first time using a strap on smut, its a little awkward and clumsy, strap on (R Receiving), Oral sex (R receiving), little bit of frustration and embarrassment, language.

WC: 3.9k

A/N: Hi, I haven't posted smut in months, literally since July, I sort of fell out of the mood for writing it, I'm working on getting back into it but we'll see. I’ll also be honest, I finished writing this and couldn’t bear the idea of rereading it so I’m sure there’s errors, I apologize.

“You have to promise not to laugh when I turn around.” You rolled your eyes behind your girlfriend’s back at her sudden change from confident to less than, all due to some silicone and leather.

“I won’t babe, I promise, just come over here.”

“I feel like it looks weird.” You watch as Jessie swivels her head to peek at you over her shoulder. You had been watching the way her arms and back moved as she maneuvered.

“You can take it off if you’re not comfortable.” You reassure her from where you were laying on the bed, blanket pulled up around your chest, you were shirtless and had been okay until Jessie’s warmth had left as she moved off the bed, suddenly feeling chilly.

“No, I want to at least try, it’s just new and different. What’s that saying they have? ‘Give it the old college try?’”

You smile at your girlfriend “I think it’s technically ‘Ol’ not ‘old’ but yeah babe, it’s okay if you’re nervous, I am a bit.” You admit. You and Jessie have been dating since the third month of sophomore year at UCLA, now upperclassmen, you were able to move off campus and you each had your own apartments just a few minutes from each other. With the new living location came new bedrooms, bedrooms that weren’t shared with another student, bedrooms that didn’t have a lofted twin size bed, bedrooms that didn’t have paper thin walls.

You both had returned to school early for pre-season, her for soccer and you for cross country meaning when you weren’t at practice, your roommates weren’t home and the two of you had a lot of free time. No classes, assignments, projects, or other school responsibilities had started yet. Reveling in your reunion after spending the summer apart, you and Jessie had found yourselves making up for lost time, often in the sheets of each other's beds. Which led to you the other day texting Jessie, being too shy to ask in person, asking if she’d want to try using a strap on you. She had quickly agreed before telling you to send her what you wanted and she’d buy it.

You had been eager to try it, testing out new waters in your relationship. Jessie had giggled when you opened your front door for her this morning, she held a bag out to you with a silly grin. “I feel like everyone can tell what’s in the bag.” She said as you opened the top, peering in to look at the toy. You sweetly rolled your eyes at your girlfriend’s bashfulness, taking the bag from her hand.

It wasn’t long after she arrived that the two of you were in your bed, Jessie’s body weight holding you firmly to the mattress as she kissed you.

You kissed her back hard, enjoying the feeling of Jessie’s hands roaming your body while yours ran up and down her sides. The two of you made out, quickly losing your shirts, throwing back your head as Jessie’s lips came to rest on your neck.

“Don’t, I’ve got photos tomorrow.” You gently remind her as you start to feel her start to suck on the skin. A dejected noise falls from Jessie’s lips as she releases the suction, causing them to vibrate slightly against you. She moves on, kissing down your chest to give attention to your breasts. Your fingers tangle themselves in her hair, pulling gently, gaining a hum of appreciation from Jessie this time. The longer you make out the more impatient you get, starting to grind up into Jessie, trying to hint to her you were ready to move on.

Jessie finally climbs off of you and heads toward where you had placed the bag earlier on the chair in your room, beginning to mess around with the harness and toy, leading to now where she’s shyly peeking over her shoulder at you with the harness fastened around her waist and thighs.

When she finally turns around to face you, your eyes drop to her waist and your stomach clenches at the sight, your beautiful girlfriend and between her legs the bright blue toy. It somehow looked larger sitting against her body.

“Come ‘ere.” You wave her over, hoping to boost her confidence back up as you can see the way she avoids eye contact with you. She crawls onto the bed, waiting for a moment before moving over to you.. As she leans over the toy sticking out pokes you in the stomach. “Hey!” You quickly move your hand down to grab it, moving it away from jabbing into you.

“Oops sorry, I didn’t think about that, not used to having anything there.” She says, laughing slightly as she looks down to see your hand holding it. “Hand on let me just.” She says before pulling the toy to be flush against her stomach.

With the toy no longer separating you, she leans down, finally reconnecting your lips. She kisses you for a moment before letting her hand trail between your legs, her fingers moving the cloth of your panties to the side. You sigh as her fingers begin to work between your legs, collecting your arousal before coming to your clit to rub slow circles. She continues touching you, pulling small noises of appreciation and approval from you as her fingers work.

“Jessie, come on.” Whining into her ear and bucking your hips she finally gets the message and pulls her hand back.

“What, are you ready?” Jessie pulls away from your lips.

“Yeah, I guess.” You could feel a small pit of nerves growing in your stomach, you’d hadn’t done this before, you trusted Jessie, she wouldn’t intentionally hurt you or make you uncomfortable, but it was new to both of you. You make a quick movement to remove your underwear before tossing it to the side and putting your legs back on either side of Jessie.

Jessie sits back on her knees, hand falling to the base of the toy. Her other hand comes up to rest on your inner thigh, pushing it slightly outward, her eyes falling between your legs. A smile comes across her face and you have to look away for a second from her intense stare.

“Hand me that.” Jessie points to the bottle of lube sitting next to your head on the bedside table. You grab it, passing it to her and watching as she opens the bottle, pouring on the liquid. She brings her hand down to begin spreading it. “Oh, it’s kind of cold.” She looks at her hand for a moment, rubbing her fingers together before adding “and slimey.” The bottle gets returned to the side table and Jessie slides herself closer to you, the tip resting on your stomach.

“Just go slow.” You say, putting your hands around her shoulders and lacing your fingers together behind her head.

“I will.” She nods down at you before breaking eye contact to look down where her hips rested between your thighs. Jessie maneuvers and you feel the toy now sitting against your core. She moves it around again before looking up at you quickly then back down, adjusting her hips again causing the toy to move. You feel the tip of the toy bump against a place you definitely didn’t want it going. “Wait.” You push against Jessie’s chest and she looks up, nervously. “Um, higher up, that’s the wrong-”

“Oh my god.” Jessie immediately inches backwards from you. “I’m sorry.” You watch as she drops her head in embarrassment. “I know where it is with my fingers.” She mumbles to herself, her confidence slipping away more and more the longer she has the appendage on.

“Babe, it’s fine, here I’ll help.” You reach down to where the strap hung gently grasping just above where Jessie’s own hand was wrapped around the girth. You take the tip, letting it glide across your clit before beginning to move it downward slowly. “There.” You gently push the tip into yourself before removing your hand placing it onto Jessie’s shoulder. “Go ahead.” You say looking up at your girlfriend who still had a hint of fear in her eyes.

She gives you a small nod and you watch her body begin to move and you feel the pressure of her hips angling forward, the toy beginning to push inside. You can tell by her gaze that she's unsure of what she’s doing, watching you for approval. “Is this fine?”

“Yeah, I’m good, keep going babe.” You nod up at her. She gives you a quick smile before her concentration face returns, her eyebrows furrowed and her bottom lip being tightly bit between her teeth, her eyes wander to where the two of you are connected, still moving her hips towards you ever so slightly. You bite your lip, starting to feel a larger stretch as Jessie continues to push forward. It wasn’t painful, but there was a definite tightness as Jessie bottomed out.

It takes a moment but Jessie’s hips finally are flush to yours and you can feel the fabric of the harness against your legs. Lying there you try your best to relax your muscles, still feeling a little nervous and unfamiliar with what was happening. You're unsure of where to put your legs, did you leave them lying on the bed? Should you bend them, put them around her waist maybe?

“Does it hurt?”Jessie looks between where your hips touch and back up to your face.

“Not exactly, it's just bigger than your fingers.” Your eyes trail to her hands that lay on either side of your waist, Jessie had good fingers, long, thick, but nowhere near the girth of the toy.

“Just let me know when you’re ready.”

“Yeah, maybe try pulling back a bit.” Your fingers dig into her shoulders, anticipating discomfort when she pulls back, only finding it to be not uncomfortable, just weird.

“Right, okay.” You watch, her face still contorted in confusion and concentration. She slowly shifts her hips backward again, just a small amount and the drag of the toy inside of you has you sighing, a noise that causes Jessie to freeze. “Are you alright?”

“I’m good babe, keep going.” You encourage her, giving her shoulder a squeeze, before letting your nails gently rake along the skin of her back. She pushed back in the small amount she had pulled out before pushing back in again.

Jessie slowly pulls back again, this time she drops her head, watching the toy slide out of you. You can see her eyes widen in amazement as she watches.

“Like what you see?” Bringing your hand to her chin you gently pull her face up to watch as she blushes.

“Yeah, it’s good, it’s hot.” She says looking up at you. Jessie gets lost looking at you for a moment, her hips stalling for a bit before she picks up her motion again.

“You can try going faster, or maybe harder?” You’re not fully sure what’s going to feel good. Jessie nods, her curls bouncing in front of her face. Her face is trying to mask a level of uncertainty. “Don’t be so nervous babe, it’s just me.” You bring a hand up to her rosy cheeks, hoping the gentle touch of your fingers will reassure her again.

“I just don’t want to hurt you.” The sincerity in Jessie's voice is cute you think, she was really worried about hurting you more than anything. You also knew her concerns would likely prevent her from fully letting herself go, it would take some time and practice.

“You won’t, fuck me like you mean it.”

Her eyes widen at your vulgar ask before a small smirk comes across her face as she looks at you. She drops to her forearms, her chest meeting yours as she ruts harder into you. Her strokes become firm, a loud noise of her hips meeting yours fills the room for a second before you start hearing Jessie’s ragged breathing in your ear.

“Oh, fuck Jess.” Your words spur her on, she pushes herself up again, thrusting faster, using the full length of the toy.

You get lost in the sensation, letting small moans of pleasure fall from your mouth. Muffling your moans Jessie kisses you hard as she continues to speed up her movements. Her trusts are a bit uncoordinated, a hard one, followed by some quick ones, she’d then slow down, then some shallow, some deep. It wasn’t bad by any means, just unpredictable.

You feel Jessie pull slightly too far out, the tip falling toward the bed but notice she thrusts her hips forward. You bring a hand to her waist giving her a gentle push “Hang on, you slipped out.”

“Fuck, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, it’s fine.”

“I’m not good at this.” You watch as she starts to frown, the little bit of confidence she had gained a moment ago dwindling.

“It’s the first time Jess, it’s okay.” Your fingers draw lazy circles across her back, feeling goosebumps arise on her skin.

“Does it even feel good?”

“I mean,” you hesitate, not knowing how to exactly answer. Before you can clarify why you hesitated, Jessie talks.

“I’m sorry.”

“No baby it’s not you. I think I’m nervous, and it’s just something new, and it feels good but not in the mind blowing orgasm way,” you pause looking up at Jessie, you didn’t want to take a hit to her ego. “It’s good though, just like you being inside of me, it’s nice.” You blush as the words come from your mouth, having to break your gaze with Jessie.

“Okay. Do you want me to keep going?”

“Yeah, for a bit maybe? But, can you add more lube please.”

Jessie gives you a smile and a nod, reaching onto the bedside table and adding the liquid onto the toy. When Jessie begins to move again she gently runs the head of the toy across your core, letting it bump against your clit, causing your breath to hitch. You feel the tip at your entrance again and you nod at Jessie when she looks up confirming she’s in the right spot.

There’s a different sensation when she pushes into you this time, you feel as though you’re filled again just how you should be, not even realizing how empty you felt before. You let out a sigh of relief.

“Good?” Jessie cocks an eyebrow at you, you can see the slight smirk across her face, pleased with the reaction you had from her movement.

“Mmmhm.” You hum up at her with a nod.

Jessie lowers her body onto yours, causing the strap to shift deeper inside of you, as the warmth from her chest comes to rest on yours. It feels close, intimate, her body covering yours, your legs wrapped around her back, her face tucked tightly into the nape of your neck. You can hear her heavy breathing as she picks up again thrusting into you. In this position her thrusts are slower but more even, less sporadic, she has more control.

As you go to wrap your arms around Jessie’s back, her hands find yours first. She takes both of her hands interlacing your fingers and bringing them up to rest by the sides of your head.

With each thrust into you Jessie gives your hands a gentle squeeze. It’s a simple gesture, holding hands with Jessie but in the context, it’s overwhelming. “I love you.” You hear her mumble against your skin before she places a kiss.

“I love you.”

After a couple thrusts, Jessie releases one of her hands from yours and brings it between your bodies, she fumbles around before her fingers find your clit and she begins rubbing circles in time with her thrusts. “Is this okay?”

You suck in a breath, the mixture of Jessie’s fingers and the feeling of being full is a new sensation, one your body is still trying to process. You focus on her fingers, fingers that knew your body well, they knew what you liked, what made you feel good and that's what they were doing, making you feel good. “That's good baby.”

Despite the added pleasure from Jessie’s fingertips, you can tell you won’t cum from this. Too in your head about the toy, the newness, the unfamiliar territory, it had you slightly on edge and not the edge you wanted to be on.

“Jess.” You say gently, you hoped telling her wasn’t going to make her feel inadequate.

“Yeah?” She picks her head up from your neck, you can see the small sheen of sweat on her forehead, her baby hairs stuck to it.

“This feels good, I promise, I just don’t think it’s going to, ya know, get me there.” You cringe as you say the words, worried about what her reaction might be.

“Oh.” Her expression is surprised for a moment before her face falls, appearing disappointed. “I’m sorry.”

“No, no, babe it’s not your fault.” Holding her head in your hands you caress her cheeks. You think about what to say. If you mention you don’t feel comfortable enough, she’d blame herself for that though, it had nothing to do with her but Jessie always put her performance, in school, on the field, or in bed, on herself, even if it wasn’t her fault. You had to choose your words carefully with her. “It’s not you I promise. It’s me, I’m just not, I think it’s just I’m not used to there being something inside, it’s good, just new and I’m not quite used to it enough.”

Jessie nods in your hands but doesn’t say anything. You pull her down bringing her ear to your mouth. “Baby, you always make me feel so good, this is no different, you can still make me cum without the strap, that’s even better when you think about it, you don’t need a toy, it’s all you Jess.” Releasing the hold on her, she sits back up, careful not to move the toy around too much while still inside of you. “You always make me feel good babe.” You groan out as Jessie moves to trail her tongue down the side of your neck.

“Should I pull out?” Jessie asks, looking down at her waist.

“Yeah go ahead.” You try and relax as she pulls her hips back, pulling until the toy falls out. You notice Jessie's attention being pulled down to where the toy was now. “Hey.” She looks back up at you with a small half smile. “It’s okay Jess.” You pull her by the chin, bringing her mouth to yours, the toy sticking into your stomach again as she tries to lean over to kiss you. She giggles as her hand again reaches to press the strap up against her abdomen.

The two of you kiss, her tongue gently running over yours, softly pulling on your bottom lip with her teeth, causing you to let out a deep moan. She kisses your cheek, down to your jaw and up to place a sloppy kiss just below your earlobe.

“Can I eat you out?” She whispers following it with a couple more kisses down your neck.

“Please baby.” Your voice comes out more needy and wanting than you expected. You can feel her smirk against your neck and she continues to kiss across your chest, teasing you ever so slightly, taking her time moving down your body.

“Come on Jess.” Your hands find their way to her shoulders and you gently push her down where she was already headed, between your legs. She gives in, letting you push her between your legs. As she goes to lay down, the toy catches on the bed, preventing her from being able to fully lay down.

“Fuck this.” Jessie says sitting up and scrambling off the bed to remove the harness. You laugh at your girlfriend’s frustration with the toy as she pulls and fiddles with the various straps, until the harness loosens and falls off her waist. “Not funny.” Jessie grumbles, placing the toy onto the nightstand.

She wastes no time climbing back between your legs, her hands picking up your thighs and bringing them over her shoulders. She brings her face to your core, her tongue beginning to lick long strokes, appreciating your taste and the feeling of having her mouth back on you. She hums into you. Giving you a few more long licks, Jessie begins to pay attention to your clit.

She gives it a few flicks, her tongue firm before a slow circle around the nerves, her eyes locked on yours intensely watching as you roll them back, enjoying the feeling of her. “You’re so good at that babe, fuck.” You watch as Jessie's eyes light up at the praise. She always liked being praised, being told she was pleasing you. You feel her increase her pressure, adding more suction with her lips, putting all of her focus onto your clit.

“God Jess.” Jessie moans into you in appreciation of your words. Your hand finds the top of her head, running your hand through her hair before gently scratching her scalp, knowing the action spurred her on. You feel yourself finding the edge that you had been looking for, feeling the tightness in your stomach growing, the tightening of your thighs, your muscles all tensing. Your hand holds Jessie's head tight to you, your other hand fists the bedsheet tightly as you peak. Your hips thrust against Jessie's tongue, you feel her hands try to hold your hips steady to let her keep pleasing you, a groan of her name falls from your lips followed by a whine, beginning to feel the sensitivity of your post orgasm. Your hips buck a few more times, trying to escape the now gentle stimulation that Jessie was giving you to work you through your orgasm.

The grip on your hips loosens and Jessie pulls her tongue away after giving you one final featherlight lick, looking all too proud of herself and cockly when she pulls up, resting her cheek on your inner thigh.

“What?” you say, knowing she was just proud of herself. She always was, Jessie would get so cocky watching you fall apart from her touch.

“Nothing, I just love you.”

“I love you, ya dork, come up here.” You motion for her to come kiss you and she does, resting her body weight onto you for a moment as you lips meet. You kiss for a bit before Jessie rolls off of you, lying beside you, draping an arm across your waist.

“Thank you for trying that with me.” You quickly glance at the strap that was still sitting, covered in lube and your slick, on the bedside table.

“I’ll try anything for you baby, I just want to make you feel good.” Jessie says as she leans up, planting a heavy kiss on your lips. “I think I just need more practice.”

“Well I’ll always be interested in practicing with you Jess.”

A/N pt 2: here’s part 2, tumblr is being a pain and not posting it under the tags

[honest-moth-of-silver-grove]

hc for adrian having a girlfriend or s/o prior to his mother's death. they're human and maybe her apprentince or something. and the church takes her too, but before they can burn her at the stake, dracula shows up and rescues her because he knows lisa was fond of her. during adrians and draculas fight maybe she interbenes at a critical moments so drac doesnt kill him and alucard gets away but she's now a prisoner of dracula w/n his castle. and maybe she befriends the generals?

A/N: Aw, man. Sometimes I wonder if Lisa did have an apprentice, that maybe Dracula wouldn’t be as anti-human as he ended up being, or if she could start to turn him to see the error of his ways sometime before Alucard and Dracula end up in Adrian’s childhood bedroom. 

Apologies for the delays in updates. But my brain went WILD with this request so it’s a long one, I hope that makes up for the less frequent posting. Anyway, I hope you enjoy these somewhat bittersweet (then depressing then bittersweet again) headcanons! (Also this is unbeta-ed and prob grammatically messy as hell, so read at your own expense lol.) 

Word Count: 6.2k 

TW: Canon Typical Descriptions of Graphic Violence; Brief Mentions of Sexual Violence; Canon Death; Descriptions of Torture (the church is high-key fucked up here)  

Adrian W/ A Human S/O Reader (Who’s Also Lisa’s Apprentice, Prior to Her Death):   

━━━━━ ❂ ━━━━━   

The Beginning:   

Okay, so let’s get one thing straight… FIRST OF ALL, Lisa would adore you!!! Like, you make her baby boy happy and you’re smart??? What else is there to it? And then to top it all off, you’re super sweet and kind and interested in learning about medicine and the world around you!   

Lisa meets you once over dinner and she’s already planning the wedding in her head.   

Adrian is smitten, because of course he is, but in an adorable, somewhat restrained way. He doesn't have a lot (ahem, ANY) experience in this department, so he’s hesitant to take things forward with you, mainly because he doesn’t want to scare you off or make you suspicious about what he is. (It’s hard to make out with someone when you have two big vampire fangs in the front.)   

Adrian is young, like you. So, on top of all the complications, he feels no need to rush things. Sure, he’s heard a few whispers here and there about Dracula having a son, a son who according to rumors and gossiping villagers is to rise as the antithesis of Dracula. It’s all silly superstition, but it does stay fixed in the back of his mind. What would this future legacy mean for his relationship with you? And, should it ever come to pass, would you even be a part of it?   

That’s neither here nor there though, and in the meantime, the two of you simply enjoy the talking phase. You get to learn more about each other's interests, and beliefs, but mostly, you spend time in proximity to one another— you remain busy attending to his mother, learning all you can about healing while he, just a table over, spends his time rereading one of his many favorite tomes.   

I honestly don’t see you meeting Dracula until you and Adrian are like a fully committed couple. I’m pretty sure you would have to have been Lisa’s apprentice for a while and/or lived with the Tepes in their Lupu cottage for months before Lisa finally breaks through Dracula’s protests and makes him officially meet you.   

I don’t think that meeting would happen in Lupu either. No, I imagine it would have to take place at Dracula’s castle, just in case you were to freak out, you’d have no way of escaping and telling any others.   

I can almost see your reaction being similar to Lisa’s upon first entering the castle, especially if Adrian is already at your side. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure Dracula is terrifying, but there’s also a giant telescope in the next room calling your name so….   

Much to Adrian’s relief, this newfound information doesn’t make you frightened of him at all, if anything, it simply reignites your fascination with him. You throw rapid-fire questions at him: If he's part vampire, how come you’ve seen him eating human food? Does he need both food and blood to satisfy each of his halves? If he needs blood, he could take some of yours you know…   

Your penchant for learning softens Dracula a little. For a brief time, he wonders if, perhaps, it was as Lisa said, that the humans could change, that humanity was changing for the better.   

He sits across from you at their grand dinner table, watching you intensely as you and Adrian talk about the recent literature you’ve read. You’d no doubt feel Dracula’s all-powerful gaze on you, making you turn to him and… Wait, did you just smile?!   

You’ve got guts, Dracula will give you that.   

Knowing the family secret, you can’t exactly break up with Adrian, nor do you have any desire to. I wonder if Dracula would have rings made for the two of you, maybe commission a new family portrait or two.   

You stay with Lisa in Lupu during Dracula's travels. Adrian is around, although he's always off between the castle and their cottage, so you never feel entirely alone or vulnerable. Your life is perfect! It’s better than you could have ever imagined!   

That is, until…   

━━━━━ ● ━━━━━   

The During:   

When the Church comes to take Lisa, you beg them to see reason. You cry and scream, hell, you even try to fight your way out at one point, only for both you and Dr. Tepes to be overpowered by the Church’s henchman.   

The two of you are taken, violently, to Targoviste, where you’re thrown into dark, damp cells with little to no light. Freezing, you huddle together for warmth, each trying your best to reassure the other, that all will turn out well. Adrian was still around, right? He’ll have to come home to find you missing, he’ll come and rescue you. And Dracula was due to return soon, correct? Surely, they’ll come. Surely, they’ll stop this madness.   

It’s a few days later, after hours of interrogation and brutal torture that you realize with a heavy heart, that no one is coming to rescue you. And what’s worse, that these so-called men of the cloth cannot and will not listen to reason. You’re starved and beaten, your hair is sliced off so close to your skin, that they take bits of your scalp with it in some places. And despite initially being imprisoned with Lisa, you find yourself being separated from her for longer periods.   

The men try everything to get you to turn on her. They tell you if you recant her wicked ways now, say she used her evil magic to trick you, your sentencing will be easier. You could still live— they dangle betrayal in front of you as a last lifeline. You don’t take it of course. You love Mrs. Tepes, and you know she’s no witch. You muster what little might you have left, spitting at the men as you tell them to go to hell. You swear she’s innocent, that she knows nothing. Hell, at one point, you find yourself confessing to having manipulated her! You don’t think they buy it though, if the poor doctor’s screams from down the hall are anything to go by.   

The night they light the pyre, the night of Lisa’s murder, you’re sick on more than one occasion. You scream your throat raw, begging them to burn you first! That she was innocent! That you corrupted her! That it was all your doing! But to no avail.   

In a scene that could only rival the Crucifixion of Christ himself, you look up through tear-soaked eyes to see Lisa, enshrouded in flames, begging Dracula to show mercy on her killers, to forgive them, that they know not what they do. “I know it's not your fault,” she cries out, “But, if you can hear me, they don't know what they're doing! Be better than them. Please!”   

You sob and wail, watching as your would-be mother-in-law is burned alive. You scream out for someone, anyone! To please help you, save you! With Lisa’s last words echoing in your mind, you can’t help but fear Adrian’s and his Father’s reactions, should they find you both killed.

Oh, gods…   

You don’t know what makes you feel sicker… The barbaric display you’re witnessing now or the hypothetical one that threatens to wipe out all living people in Wallachia once Dracula learns of what’s happened. You need not wait long for an answer.   

In a fury of fire and grandeur, Dracula’s head appears, molded in flame, demanding to know what has happened to his wife. You cry out to him, apologizing profusely, saying you begged them to burn you first! You scream out how they refused to see reason, they killed her for helping! Injudiciously, in your indignant anger, you plead with Dracula to release his fury on the priests who did this, to send them to hell to be tortured for eternity for this unforgivable transgression!   

With the silent fury of a gathering storm, Dracula’s fiery visage speaks calmly as his anger grows concertedly less. "I give you one year Wallachians,” he finally decides. “You have one year to make your peace and remove any marks you have made upon the land. One year, and I'll wipe all human life from the land of Wallachia. You took that which I love, so I will take from you everything you have and everything you have ever been. One year."   

No sooner than he spits out the words, a coil of fire bursts from his image, winding itself around your body. The guards surrounding you gasp and flee, avoiding the coil’s tail as it whips back and forth, hoisting you into the air.   

The fiery coil burns your skin, and the smell of even more burnt flesh makes you gag. If you had any bile left over at all, you’re certain it’d come up yet again. The pain is like a thousand stinging nettles and boiling water constricting your arms and midriff all at once. Your vision grows blurry as you feel your body move through the air, your nostrils taking in one last wretched breath of sulfur and smoke.   

━━━━━ ◉ ━━━━━   

The After — Part One:   

When you awake you find yourself laid, practically bare, a heap on the floor within Dracula’s castle— the evil Lord himself only feet away, raging over his magic well— as shards of his magic mirror whip around him at incredible speeds. Your head is pounding, it feels as if it might explode, and your arms… Fuck.   

Where the supernatural coil grabbed you, your skin was red and raw, small pockets of blisters already beginning to form. Your arms tremble uncontrollably as you try to move them, the pain that’s consuming your nerves is far too intense to hold them steady as you sit up into an upright position.   

It doesn’t feel real; nothing feels real. It feels like a nightmare. It had all been perfect, everything was perfect— you all were happy! How did it turn into such horror so fast?   

Shakily, you rise to your feet and clutch the remains of your clothes to your chest in an attempt to preserve your modesty, although it’s more of a subconscious act on your part. Everything feels like it’s moving in slow motion, yourself included. It’s like the air is heavier here somehow, its weight filling your lungs and weighing you down.   

A loud noise shocks you back to the present, nearly making you stumble over in fright. At least you would have, had Adrian not used his superspeed to catch you before you fell. One of his gloved hands grasps your left arm directly over the burn, causing you to let out a hiss. His rectangular eyes look wider than you’ve ever seen as he releases his grip, looking over your battered form.   

“(Y/N) ...” Adrian says, his voice serious and quiet, barely a whisper.   

You shake your head furiously, unable to trust your ability to speak without breaking. Upon Adrian’s gentle insistence, you feel your mouth opening, and the words slipping out, scraping against the back of your reddened throat as they exit your frail body.   

“They killed her, Adrian…” you whisper, your voice quivering. “I, we tried to stop them, they just wouldn’t listen!” Somehow, your eyes begin to water again, despite your earlier certainty that your body had no water nor tears left in it at all.   

“Once she realized they wouldn't listen to reason, she lied and told them I was innocent. She told them she had manipulated me, that I was just a child, that I didn’t know what I was doing, that she never got the chance to teach me!” A feeling of guilt consumes you as you speak the words aloud, and soon enough, your body is once again plagued by uncontrollable sobs.   

Adrian listens intently to your words, his brows furrowed. You watch through teary eyes as a range of emotions flash across his face: anger, hurt, pain, sorrow, and finally… acceptance. Your beloved hardens his gaze, choking down whatever grief he may be feeling. At the present, Adrian knows, there are more pressing matters at hand.   

You follow Adrian’s steely gaze back, seeing his Father where he is bent over his summoning circle, cursing in a language that is foreign to you before he switches back to Romanian.   

“One year! It will take me one year to summon an army from the guts of Hell itself!” Dracula proclaims, promising to enact vengeance for the death of his love.   

“No.” Adrian counters, slipping out of your grasp.   

“Adrian,” you whisper, warningly. “Don’t—”   

“What do you mean, ‘no’? That woman was the only reason on Earth for me to tolerate human life!”  Dracula retaliates, enraged his son could even conceive of such lenience.   

“Then find the one who did the deed,” Alucard proposes. “If you set loose an army of the night on Wallachia, you cannot undo it, and many thousands of people just as innocent as her will suffer and die.”   

“There are no innocents! Not anymore! Any one of them could have stood up and said, ‘No, we won't behave like animals anymore.’"   

“(Y/N) did.” Adrian points out. “She tried to take all the blame, in an attempt to save Mother’s life.”   

Dracula looks over at you with blood-red eyes, contempt clear on his face. “And yet,” he snarls, “Here she stands, and my Wife, your Mother does not!” He hisses the last word, livid that out of the two of you, you were the one who survived.   

With large, fearful eyes, you watch as Adrian closes the gap between him and his Father.   

“I won't let you do it. I grieve with you, but I won't let you commit genocide.”   

“Adrian,” you warn again.   

The next bit happened all so quickly.   

Faster than you could blink, you watch, helpless, frozen in horror as Adrian charges his father, his longsword drawn. Despite their vampiric speed being unrecognizable to the untrained human eye, you swear you watch the scene unfold in slow motion. Adrian charges first, but Dracula, roaring in a fit of rage, counters faster— his Father’s elongated claws slash diagonally across Adrian’s chest, before his fist pauses, still embedded deep within your lover’s gut.   

You don’t have time to think before you act. To you, Adrian has the abilities of a god, but to his Father… It was clear there’d be no match. You have no clue how you got your hands on it, no idea as to how you even managed a successful hit, but the next thing you know, a triangular shard of magic mirror is impaled in Great Lord Dracula’s back, put there by your very hand.   

Too terrified to even breathe, the only sound you can hear beyond your racing pulse is a wet, gory squelch as Dracula retracts his claws from Adrian’s body. You hear the spray of blood before you see it, a rush of bright red blood gushes onto the marble floor between Dracula and his son.   

Standing at his impressive full height, Dracula turns ever so slowly, ever so menacingly, to face you. His pupils are that of a blood moon, his sclera so bloodshot they practically look as black as night. In that second, you know you’ve fucked up.   

You cower as Dracula raises one hand to you, instinctively shielding your neck from his nasty bloodied talons. With surprisingly repressed strength, Dracula backhands you, the force sending you flying backward, smashing into the base of one of the curved bookshelves lining the walls of his summoning room.   

With his focus still on you, Dracula stalks toward you. Knowing it’s now or never, you scream at Adrian to flee. “Run!” The words rip out of your raw throat, sounding like an eleventh commandment.   

You see Adrian, previously stunned by his Father’s disregard for his life, holding together the gaping wound across his chest. He has no time to even spare you, his beloved, a last look before evaporating into clouds, his cloud of bloodied mist bolting for the door, fleeing as fast as his injured state would allow him.   

Dracula only turns to watch as his son, his very possibly fatally wounded son, flees the confines of his castle. For a moment it is silent— only the sound of both yours and Dracula’s heaving breaths echo across the chamber.   

Clenching his clawed fingers into a fist, Dracula says nothing as he too makes his way to the castle doors, leaving your bruised and broken body alone in the dark.   

━━━━━ ❍ ━━━━━   

The After — Part Two:   

Somehow, Christ only knows, you find your way to one of Lisa’s old labs and do a half-assed job of patching yourself up. You find your burns and dislocated shoulder to be the most painful of injuries.    

Thankfully, Lisa had taught you enough about setting a patient’s shoulder that you managed to smash it into an adjacent wall, popping your joint back in yourself. The burns you wrap in honey and milk-soaked linen gauze, wincing every time the bandages brush against your skin. It’s awful work, slow work too, but you must have managed it alright because you find yourself patched up and passed out in one of the castle’s kitchens a few hours (or days? had it been days?) after that.   

You eat raw vegetables and berries— nothing that requires cooking. Lord knows you couldn't prepare anything successfully now even if you were to try. Eating your foraged meal in silence you debate your next steps. Do you go back home? Would your family even welcome you home after your long and unexplained absence? And if they, along with all the humans in Wallachia were ultimately to be driven from the land, did it matter anyway?   

‘Oh god,’ you think. You have to warn them, have to make them flee before a year is up. But where would you go? Where could you go? Greater Styria was a possibility, although it was not by any means an easy journey, and the climate there was much colder than your folks were used to here. You shakily rise to your feet and set out to find a map within one of the Castle’s many libraries.   

After a good night’s rest, you find your mindset with a newfound determination: you will go home. You were going to get your family on the move and then… Then, you’d come back here.   

You knew, in all likelihood, that returning to Dracula’s castle after the fact entailed certain death. But you also knew, things would get worse if he were to be left alone.   

Dracula may not have ever loved you for a daughter-in-law. Hell, he may not have ever loved anyone aside from Mrs. Tepes, but you promised her while huddling together that first night in those dingy cells that no matter what happened, should either of you get out alive, you would not leave Adrian and Vlad. “They need humans, (Y/N),” Lisa coughed into your ear. “And most importantly, humanity needs them.”   

Dracula would resent your company, he would want to be rid of you. But you could not be rid of him, not after what Lisa had asked of you.   

‘Besides,’ you thought, ‘Nobody should have to grieve alone.’   

The journey back home to your parents is majorly uneventful. Sure, it was touch and go for a while, your body was exhausted after the ordeal you endured, and your wounds had gotten infected once or twice. Thankfully, you had the mind to pack with you any potential treatments you might need.   

It felt good to be home, to be amongst family again. You couldn’t stop crying and hugging everyone when you first arrived. You kept the details to a minimum but made it clear they needed to be the hell out of Wallachia before a year. You told them you had found an apprenticeship, that the woman was kind to you, but while in Targoviste, you saw the burning of a witch, and soon after the face of Satan himself appeared in flames, threatening the crowd. It caused a panic, you see, and you had gotten trampled in the process.   

You didn’t bother to explain that the woman you were learning under was this so-called witch and that this Satanic figure was her husband. Nor did you tell them of your half-inhuman partner. You knew had you told the family the whole truth, they might have cast you out as a devil worshiper and a liar and choose not to heed your words.   

Your warnings spread through your extended family like how ivy creeps up a stone wall. A fair part of your relatives in the country believed you enough to agree to uproot their lives and settle outside of Wallachia: some settled on Syria, others had decided on Greece, Egypt, or Rome. The more skeptical ones who hemmed and hawed over the validity of your claims agreed to move into the countryside, a decent distance from any major Wallachian city or village.   

When you were certain they’d heed your words, you told them you could not stay with them, your Mother wept for three straight days and your Father could do little to console her. As much as it broke your family’s heart, you knew that your need to return to Castlevania was larger than yours. You weren't just doing it for your family, you were doing it for every family across the land. You couldn't be selfish. Mrs. Tepes was the most selfless woman you had met, and she taught you well. If you meant what you said to her when you first met, that you wanted to help people, you would need to buck up and accept the consequences of that.   

Your journey back to the castle was much more melancholy than your journey home. You could almost feel the whispers of the tortured souls Dracula had slain before blowing cold air into your ears, begging you to turn back. Nevertheless, you continued. You entered Castlevania to find you were alone, however, that would not be the case for long.   

Months later you had fallen into somewhat of a predictable routine within the castle and its new occupants. Dracula had recruited two humans to serve as his war planners— men by the names of Hector and Isaac, respectively. You appreciate the levity Hector, and his undead pets bring, and you admire the intelligence and loyalty Isaac has. You just wish they weren’t going along with Dracula’s plan.   

You tread carefully as you find the time to express to each of his Generals that you wish they wouldn’t go through with this plan. You explain humans are not the kind of species to give in to subjugation, they will revolt eventually. You suggest the vampires come up with some sort of tit-for-tat system with the humans instead like, for example, promised blood servants would equal vampiric protection for that territory.  

It’s safe to say no one is impressed with your centrist ideals, so eventually stop taking part in the conversation. You silently hang around Hector, and just listen with a sorrowful expression, satisfied with knowing that if you can’t change the Generals' minds, you can, at the very least, make them somewhat uncomfortable.  

When Carmilla arrives, you’re immediately put off by her little display of insolence. Unlike yours, her dissent doesn’t seem to come from a place of concern. You make a mental note to keep an eye on her.  

It’s during the General's next argument that you receive a ray of hope: “We are quite certain that Alucard sleeps at Gresit.”  

You feel your body grow lighter.  

“So, that means,” you speak aloud to yourself more so to anyone else, “Adrian is alive?”  

You’re met with a handful of annoyed glares from the other vampires as Isaac continues: “And that there was recently a Belmont there.”  

Upon hearing Carmilla berate the others for not sending night creatures to the ancestral Belmont home, your smile falls and your improved mood falters. These Belmonts were famous monster hunters, famous enough to frighten your current vampire company. That means, if there was a Belmont in Gresit, at the same time as Adrian, as Alucard, whatever the hell he’s going by these days, it could prove disastrous for your love. For all you know, he’s still recovering from the wounds dealt to him by his Father. And if this Belmont, this monster hunter strikes first and asks questions later, he may accidentally kill the only living vampire in existence who stands against the very nature of this war.  

‘How ironic,’ you think solemnly. Just as fast as the universe gives you hope, it rips it away once more.  

You excuse yourself, and make your way towards Hector’s forge, aiming to distract your distraught mind with some cute reanimated pets.  

Shortly thereafter, Hector joins you. He asks if you truly did not know Dracula’s son was still alive. You shake your head ‘no’, telling him how you had prayed every past night to any God who would listen, that they would send their holy armies and angels to guard him, but no, you had mostly just feared he was dead.  

You spend the rest of the night talking to Hector about Alucard, Adrian as you knew him. How smart he was, how much the two of you used to laugh, and how much he looked just like his Mother.  

“Perhaps that’s why,” Hector supposes, “Dracula could no longer bear to see him.”  

You say perchance he’s right, conveniently leaving out the part where the Father and Son duo almost fought to the death right in front of you.  

The conversation with Hector reignites something within you. You feel as if you had been praying all this time for an answer, and this was it. Alucard was alive, and so was Belmont. You understand now what needs to be done.  

Your lover must once again fight his Father, and this time, he must win.  

Your silent observations allow you to learn of Carmilla’s scheme fairly early on, as well as Godbrand’s demise at the hands of Isaac, yet all that time, you say nothing. You keep your mouth shut and your eyes down. If Carmilla divides Dracula’s army and court, she will inevitably make it easier for Alucard and Belmont to destroy him.  

The Generals, and even Dracula himself, believe you are mourning the loss of your love for the second time, as his demise will be inevitable the moment he meets his Father and his armies— or at least, that’s what they assume.  

When Carmilla has Hector send special night creatures to the remains of the Belmont home, you attach a letter around one of the creature's necks, hoping your love will notice it, and if he doesn’t, you pray he instinctively outwits the traps that await for him within his Father’s castle.  

━━━━━ ❂ ━━━━━   

Beginning Again:   

The night Dracula chooses to move the Castle to Braila, you manage to speak with him one last time.  

You bring him some tea, even though you know he won’t drink it, and you tell him, for what must be the hundredth time, how sorry you are about all that’s happened. You apologize for not being able to do more to save his wife. You tell him that if you could do it all over again if you were given a choice between who they should burn first, you’d demand it be you.  

Dracula turns away from the fire to look at you upon hearing those words.  

“She was fond of you, you know.” He says, sounding far away as if lost in a distant memory. “She was overjoyed at the thought of gaining a daughter”  

You nodded along a hurt smile on your face. “It was my honor.” Gathering your courage you continued: “Even though it didn’t work out, I want you to know I loved your wife very much… And,” you kept going. “I love your son very much.”  

Dracula said nothing. He simply turned his attention back to the flames within his study’s fireplace.  

“It’s not too late, you know,” you prod gently. “If Adrian is alive, he could still come back, we could still be a family-”  

“No!” Dracula’s low growl sent shivers down your spine.  

For a moment you feared he would rise to attack you or perhaps berate you further, but no such action came. Instead, the former Great Lord Dracula’s shoulders deflated back to their hunched position, as he fell silent once again.  

Quietly, you made your way back to your room, shutting and locking the door behind you. If you had any tears left at all, you would have shed them throughout the night. Instead, you merely lay awake, staring at the ceiling, wondering if there would even be a tomorrow to awaken to.  

Pleased to still be alive at this point, but feeling increasingly suffocated by this overwhelming sense of doom, you spend the next day cooped up in your room, on your knees, the rosary in your hand, whispering prayers of safety for your loved one. You couldn't explain it, but at the time, you felt compelled to recite prayer after prayer and reveal all the fears and worries in your heart.  

You speak out to Death, to God, to all the angels and saints, and beg them to grant Adrian safe passage as he completes his task of saving humanity— it’s something his Mother would have wanted after all.  

Amidst your fervent prayers, you feel the Castle shake and creak, but you soon realize something is off: it keeps jerking from side to side, several times, way too many to be a case of a single relocation. Your heart races, and in the pit of your gut, you know this is it:

The Alucard has come.  

Your love has come back for you.  

You scramble behind the door, poised with a wooden stake in hand (just in case, you never know), and wait.  

And wait.  

And wait.  

Following a crescendo of metallic crashes and screaming, you hear more crashes, this time lesser in intensity and they’re accompanied by the distinct scent of fire, sulfur, and burnt flesh.  

It terrifies you, bringing such horrible memories of your almost demise to the surface. You look down at the burn scars on your arms and feel physically ill. Every time you shut your eyes to blink, you see the corpse of Ms. Tepes, burning alive right before you as if no time has passed at all, as if you’re trapped in the permanent hell of that memory.  

The overwhelming ornery atmosphere in the castle only grows, seeming to suddenly flood your nostrils and every pore.  

You watch in shock and horror as thousands of soot-colored transparent ghouls burst through your doorway, the shock of the impact sending you reeling into the bed. Tortured faces of all shapes and sizes circle you menacingly, before bursting through your room’s glass window, vanishing just as fast as they came.  

Within an instant you feel… lighter, freer almost. It’s as if something major has changed, but you don’t know what.  

Timidly, stake still in hand, you make your way down the castle corridors. Unfortunately, you have to take several detours, your regular route being cut off by giant holes in the architecture. A good portion of the castle looks like it had been hit with cannon fire.  

You sincerely hope that whatever caused that damage is no longer rampaging around these halls, lest you stumble upon them yourself.  

By the time you reach the throne room, the sun is just peeking out from behind the horizon. The sight of it flowing freely into the castle interior lifts your spirits with hope. Sunlight means no vampires. No vampires means…

You follow the originating path of the sun’s beams, finding three figures illustrated against the sunrise. One of them is a burly-looking man, with a large frame and broad shoulders. Another is a woman, at least, you’re fairly certain they’re a woman, with curly hair, dressed in flowing blue robes. And the third is….  

You don’t even need a second glance to know who the third person is.  

Crying out his name, you run towards your long-lost lover, almost losing your footing over all the debris covering the floor. But just as he would before, and just as he always would, your lover, Adrian, catches you before you can fall.  

The two of you cling to each other for dear life, just silently sobbing, feeling grateful to be in one another’s embrace. You’re not sure how long the two of you stay intertwined like that, you just know however long it was, it could never be enough to make up for how much you missed him this past year.  

“Adrian,” you clutch his coat, “I thought you were dead! I thought he had killed you! I was so worried.”  

“He almost did,” the strange broad-shoulder man reveals in a teasing fashion. You watch as the robed woman elbows him in the gut.  

“Alucard,” Adrian says, regaining your attention as he grasps your hands in his. “I am Alucard now.”  

You look into his golden eyes, sensing while this is still very much the body of the man you loved, this Alucard before you, is not the same person that your Adrian was. After all this time, it feels like quite the loss, and yet, you cannot fault him for it. You are unaware of the journey he’s been on, of the sacrifices he’s had to make. God knows your character must have changed as well, living amongst a vampire court and necromancers for just under a year.  

You back away from your love, temporarily ignoring his concerned expression.  

“Hello Alucard,” you say, extending a hand, “My name is (Y/N). And I’d very much like to share a drink with you if you’d let me.”  

“Don’ know about Alucard,” the broad man mumbles, gripping his side in pain, “But I’d very much like a drink. Or five.”  

“Trevor!” The robed woman scolds.  

“What?”  

You smile at the three of them, feeling beyond blessed that your love has found such wonderful new friends.  

When you had first fallen for Adrian, you assumed your family would consist solely of him, his mother, and his father, that you’d spend the rest of your days learning medicine in a little cottage nestled in Lupu. That simple life was to be yours. But now, it’s all changed. And Alucard is all that remains of that family you once loved.  

You gaze out into the forest beyond the castle grounds, closing your eyes and sighing as you feel the morning’s sun on your face.  

Yes, it was true Mrs. and Mr. Tepes were gone.

It was true that the old Adrian could never come back.

But if you had to choose a new life, a life here amongst a gorgeous castle, with your former lover and his two new friends, well… you doubted you could pick a better one than that.  

A/N 2.0: WHY DID THIS TAKE ME SO LOOOONG? Who knows? Anyway, it’s here now. And hey— did you pay close attention to the symbols in the dividers? Go ahead and look back if you didn’t, just a silly little fun symbolism storytelling. Oh, also, I will finally be updating The Queue List to reflect all the asks I’ve since answered and posted to not confuse people checking on the status of their ask/new readers.

If you liked reading this, please REBLOG! Likes are great but reblogs spread my work much further. 

If you really, really liked reading this, Consider Buying Me a Coffee <3. 

[luxsky]

Kicking out

Rhysand x reader

Summary: Reader tries to have a peaceful day without their partner hovering with overprotection, but destiny has other plans.

Warnings: Pregnancy, mentions of body aches, Rhysand being an overly protective rooster. Ignore any biological errors; I've never been pregnant and have no background in any health-related field, so everything here is either from my imagination or a quick Google search.

Autor's Note: This is my first time posting here, and I'm anxious and very, very nervous (especially because it's the first time I've written in a long time). I don't know if I like this or not, but this idea has been lingering in my head for days. Maybe I'll do a part two, but I'm not sure. Please, I welcome any kind of feedback here! (but be careful with how you say it). I apologize if the grammar is... bad? English is not my first language, and I'm not fluent (much of this had help from AI for translation, so if something doesn't make sense or is placed incorrectly, please let me know so I can correct it).

It's the beginning of fall, all you wanted to do was sit on the expensive and cozy sofa decorating the House of Wind and read a soft and cliché romance book while sipping on a cup of hot coffee. Except, you couldn't consume caffeine for the sake of the baby growing in your belly. Still, you had the option to sit and read a book, but your large and exuberant belly prevented you from sitting comfortably for too long. Well, nothing a few pillows and a blanket couldn't solve. Okay then, you didn't have coffee or a comfortable position, but you could still read your book, right?

Well, no, you've been trying to do that since the early afternoon when you sent Rhysand to his office, asking him to work a bit in his own court instead of watching over you. In fact, he had been a mother hen since the beginning of the pregnancy, and that was just one of the excuses you gave to get rid of his overprotectiveness. But it was becoming a challenging mission to concentrate on reading. You're nearing the end of your pregnancy, which is exciting in part, with the anticipation of meeting your little one consuming you, but the discomfort of carrying a baby constantly kicking your ribs has proven quite persistent.

It's been more than five minutes since you were stuck on the same page, reading and rereading but unable to focus on the book, back pain and intermittent cramps stealing all your concentration. You were used to a slight discomfort in your back since the beginning of the second trimester, but today, in particular, it was more of a significant and noticeable discomfort. You sighed in frustration and decided that maybe eating something would help. Putting the book aside, you remove the blanket from over you and swing your legs out of the sofa, prepared for the struggle it would be to get up. Normally, Rhys would help you, but if he left the office long enough to realize something was bothering you, he would spend the rest of the day hovering over you, worried and concerned.

Breathless and almost sweating, you managed to get up. At this point, the only clothes that fit you were light fabric dresses, or what you were currently wearing: one of Rhys's sweatpants and a sweater stolen from his closet. Your partner started sharing half of his wardrobe when your beautiful, stylish, and beloved clothes no longer fit you—you cried for a whole hour after trying to put on one of your favorite pants, and Rhys almost cried too, not knowing how to comfort you.

Walking towards the kitchen, you almost laughed, remembering the various times when hormones provided you with uncontrollable tears and frightened your partner. In those moments, you felt slightly vindicated by his insistence on being present for every breath you took. It's not that you didn't love your partner and appreciate his concern; it's just that he didn't know how to balance it at certain times. As soon as you told him you were pregnant, he became an overprotective mother hen full-time, and it suffocated you a bit. Of course, you talked about it, and he promised to control himself, but if you made a different move, he was already on top of you, asking what was wrong and insisting that you needed to stay in bed.

Reaching the kitchen, you pause for a moment to catch your breath and lean your hands on your back while deciding what to eat. God, this belly was weighing more than usual. Deciding to make a big, hearty sandwich, you start gathering all the necessary ingredients from the cabinets and placing them on the counter.

You feel your partner gently pulling that thread connecting you two, and the next moment, he's entering the kitchen, a furrow between his eyebrows indicating that he's thinking, and the slight contraction in his mouth tells you he's worried. "Darling, you should be resting."

You roll your eyes and let a faint smile form on your lips as you reply, "I was resting, but then I got bored." You lean against the counter for a minute, then turn to grab a knife to cut the tomatoes. When you turn again, Rhys is in front of you, reaching out towards you and taking the knife. "If you wanted something to eat, you just had to ask." You pout at him, but he ignores it and turns to the counter, starting to cut the tomatoes. "I just wanted to do something for myself; you don't let me touch anything since you found out I'm pregnant."

You're beside him, staring at the tomatoes he cut, waiting for a response. He turns his face to you and plants a quick kiss on your forehead, grabbing the bread and saying, "Because the only thing I'll let my partner do while she's pregnant is to make this baby. That's consuming enough energy, and I don't want you to tire yourself out."

"Well, your partner may be making a baby, but she assures you she has enough energy to make her own sandwich."

He raises an eyebrow, and a shit-eating grin forms on his lips. Like she had enough energy to organize the baby's clothes last night? His voice fills your mind, the thread connecting you two vibrating with his amusement. Bastard.

I only slept because you decided to intervene and didn't let me do anything else.

"Darling, I only intervened because you were asleep." He starts putting each ingredient on the bread, and you decide to sit — not because you're tired, obviously — in front of him. You go around the counter as you respond, "Well, I don't remember... Argh." The sudden pain reverberating in your back and cramping that comes and goes cut your speech in half. Damn, you really hoped it wouldn't happen now.

Rhys is in front of you before you can even move, one hand on your belly and the other gently placed on your face, guiding your eyes to meet his. "What's wrong? Is it you? The baby? Panic fills his voice and shines in his beloved violet eyes. His mouth has that contraction again.

The only response you give is a negative nod, trying to catch your breath as the pain passes. He continues with his hands on you and doesn't seem satisfied with your non-verbal answer. I'm fine, the baby is fine. It must have been just another kick in my rib.

His right hand holds the one he placed on your face, and his lips try to form a reassuring smile, which is probably just a funny grimace at the moment. He kisses your forehead, and there's still concern on his face when he pulls away just enough to put both hands on your belly. His gaze alternates between your face and your belly; he still seems reluctant, so he asks again, "Are you sure? I can call Madja just to check, and..."

''Shh." You interrupt him, placing a finger on his lips. Your gaze softened, and now you're the one placing both hands on your partner's face, your thumb stroking his cheek." I said we're fine; it's nothing serious. The baby has been restless all day."

That seems to convince him enough because he agrees and holds your hands, bringing his face closer to yours and planting a gentle kiss on your lips. You pull away after a moment, this time with a complete smile when you playfully say, "Now, go finish my sandwich, or else this baby will start kicking for food." Rhysand laughs with your remark and turns to the counter, finishing your sandwich.

He starts putting away the ingredients again after placing the plate in front of you. "Why didn't you tell me you were in pain? We could have asked Madja for something." He finishes putting away the last ingredient and turns to you again, only the counter separating him as he watches you take the first bite of the sandwich.

"Oh God, this is so good." You ignore his statement, too focused on savoring what might be the best sandwich of your life. He accepts your lack of response with a soft laugh and turns to the cabinets to grab a glass. "Do you want some juice?" you mumble a yes, with your mouth full of the sandwich, and wait for him to fill the glass. He has his back to you while rummaging through the cabinets.

Splash.

"What kind of juice do you want, dear? Because I think we only have orange or grape, but I can ask the House to make some other flavor." He turns to you, waiting for a response, but his face transforms when he sees your expression. "What? Is something wrong?"

Oh, well, this is going to be funny. You finish swallowing the sandwich, trying to formulate a word. He stays where he is, waiting for your response, frozen. But it's your next words that make him run towards you.

"I think my water just broke."

Another pang erupts in your back, and you realize that maybe it wasn't the baby that was restless. It was contractions.

And this baby is about to kick its way out of your belly.

[itwasntimethatdidit40]

Something Rotten

Pairing: Dark!QZ Joel x afab!reader x Dark!QZ Tess

Words count: 4300 (more or less)

Rating: + 18, absolutely NSFW. This shit is triggering, read the tags carefully and please if your a minor don’t interact.

Warnings/Tags: DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT, smut, heavy degradation, kidnapping, reader is tied to the bed with a rope, mention of strong painkillers, depressing thoughts, both Joel and Tess are EVIL, mention of offering sex in exchange for protection, Dub-con/non-con (well, she’s into that and I made sure to say that she’s deeply aroused but still), no kindness whatsoever, face slapping, being threatened with a gun and knife, blood, wound (Tess writes a word on Reader's body with a knife), pussy slapping, tits slapping, oral (m receiving), deep throating, scissoring, slurs (whore, slut), pet names (honey, baby, pet, kitten), mention of Robert (you know that prick at the beginning of the series who makes Tess get beaten up? That's him. but anyway he is the least of the problems in this thing), ripped panties, orgasm denial, cum eating, hair pulling, reader has hair that can be pulled, no other description of her is given, I think it’s all but I will be sure to add anything I may have forgotten as soon as I can.

A/N: Happy Halloween! This is indeed a nightmare of a fic LOL

Ok, enough, I'm getting serious again. I know it’s a lot, please don't read if you don't feel comfortable with those kind of things. I've never written anything like this before, it was a test for me because those who read me know, I'm usually very soft. I've started writing the second part if anyone wants to read it, I preferred to publish this first because it was getting pretty long (And I honestly want to see how this one goes before I continue lol). Sorry if you find any errors, I hope there aren't too many. I don't have a beta, I reread it but my eyes are exhausted at this point 💀 (English is not my first language, you know that, right? lol)

Again, no one is obligated to read but I wanted to thank those who provided me with the songs I listened to while writing this: @magneticecstasy @hoelaris @lovely-vamp-princess @baronessvonglitter @whocaresstillthelouvre and @almostempty for having called together her trusted connoisseurs 😎, you all are truly amazing ♥️ (Something Rotten is a Placebo song I added between your amazing music advices).

Playlist can be found here.

(While we're at it, if anyone would like to be tagged on my fics in the future, let me know, thank you very much!)

Thanks to anyone who reads this!

“Now what should we do with you?” Tess’s voice is sharp, with a smug undertone.

“Maybe we should get rid of her.” Joel is just as blunt, smiling wickedly as he watches you shake like a leaf.

There’s obvious disappointment painted on your face, as well as fear of what these two might do to you.

——————————————————-

You know Joel and Tess, everyone in the QZ knows them, at least everyone trying to make ends meet like you.

They’re the most skilled smugglers and also the most ruthless.

No one would want to have them as enemies, but you, due to circumstances beyond your control, just tried to steal some of their supplies. You heard they had just left the Qz to stock up, apparently they know someone outside.

You thought you were safe. Turned out you were wrong, they came back sooner than you expected.

You wouldn’t have made such a bold move if it weren’t for the fact that Robert died, killed by Tess, as far as you know.

You and Robert had a relationship, if you could call it that, he gave you protection in exchange for sex. You didn't like Robert, to be honest, guy was a piece of shit himself, but he was the lesser evil. He was generally stupid and driven by his dick rather than his brain so it was pretty easy for you to please him and make sure he kept you safe from the unrestrained FEDRA soldiers, who are anything but devoted to rules and discipline, and you never lacked food while you were with him, much more than some people in this seedy Qz had.

Batting your eyelashes and giving him head every now and then was enough to have what you needed.

Robert was a gun runner, people feared him, everyone except Joel and Tess who thought he was an incompetent and arrogant moron.

They weren't entirely wrong but everyone in this shithole of a place survives as best they can.

You should have relied on your own strength from the beginning but when you arrived here you were so tired, hurt, heartbroken from having lost all the people you cared about that leaning on someone seemed like an acceptable compromise.

You were desperate again after losing Robert, so hungry you barely remembered how food really tastes.

You snuck into their room, cursing your stomach that was growling loudly. You held your breath as the door creaked open to reveal a rather bare, makeshift mini-apartment. No one was there, so you tiptoed around looking for something edible. You noticed a floorboard that was a bit off. Bingo.

You lifted it up and found a stash of dried meat, along with several bags of pills and a gun.

You took some pills that you recognized as strong painkillers, just in case you might need them.

Your hand shook as you pulled out the plastic bag full of dried meat, your stomach giving you no respite.

And just as you were about to take a bite, you heard some noises.

Shit.

You looked around nervously for a place to hide but to no avail. The bed was resting on bricks and barely rose from the floor, too little room to slide under. There were no closets, no dressers or anything.

Shit.

You were screwed.

The footsteps you heard were getting closer and closer and in a total panic, not knowing what else to do, you cowered behind a couch, the dried meat still in your hand while the pills danced in your bra.

You were certain that you would be discovered in no time.

Your heart was pounding in your chest, a cold sweat was breaking out on your forehead. You squeezed your eyes shut in prayer even though you’ve never been a religious person.

Tess saw you first. “What do we have here?” she hissed. Joel caught sight of you next, your head awkwardly poking out from behind the couch.

Stupid stupid stupid.

“A thief,” he stated coldly, as he tugged at your jacket and pulled you out of your hiding place. Tess looked you up and down as you stared at the floor, terrified.

——————————————————-

“What the hell were you trying to do?” she asks you ironically, as if it makes her laugh. In fact, you feel ridiculous for even thinking you could get away with them, it would have been wiser to stay hungry while waiting to earn some cards.

Now you’re in troubles.

Big troubles.

You wanted to get the gun, but you couldn't and now you're standing in front of them, unarmed and scared as the barrel of Joel's gun is grazing at your cheek.

“I asked you a question,” Tess points out, “you better answer it.”

Joel hands the gun to Tess, tears the dried meat out of your hand and shove your arms behind your back, holding you tightly by your wrists, while Tess glares at you.

The gun is now before your eyes, shiny and threatening.

“I… was hungry” and then quickly add a “I’m sorry” that barely escapes your lips.

“So you’ve been working out this brilliant plan?” Joel teases, his deep voice giving you goosebumps.

After Joel suggests taking you out, Tess remains silent for a while, looking at you like a piece of meat “She’s pretty though,” and an even more chilling smile spread across her face, “fuck, you’re too pretty for being a rat”

“Yeah” Joel agrees “here’s a tip for you, honey, if you wanna screw someone try not to let your stupid ass show”

They exchange another knowing glance that doesn't bode well and Tess finally speaks “we could have some fun.”

Guided by self-preservation and fear, you widen your eyes and exclaim, “Oh no, please no!”

Tess places her hand under your chin, manipulating your face like a puppet, turning it left and right to inspect it. “You’re not sick, are you?”

You remain silent and after a few seconds you feel her open hand land on your cheek and an unbearable burning sensation spread across your skin.

What you feel immediately after is the cold steel of the gun under your chin.

“See, she doesn’t like it when people don’t answer her,” Joel whispers in your ear, adding more shivers to the ones already shaking your body.

You open your mouth, struggling to get out some sound. “No” is all you can say.

“Good,” Tess hisses. Joel’s grip on your wrists shows no sign of loosening and your cheek hurts like hell.

There’s no way out.

“Since you were stupid enough to try to sneak in, from now on you will stay here.” Tess announces to you, with a voice that does not allow protests “And you will be our little toy”

She runs a hand over your neck, goes down to your breast and squeezes it hard over your shirt “Do you understand?”

“Yes” you whisper immediately, fearing another blow.

You don’t have enough strength to rebel, you are weak while they are incredibly strong, your head is spinning and you are one against two.

To make sure you don’t get any weird ideas, Joel ties you to the bed. He runs a rope between one of the bricks and the frame of the bed, chuckling evilly, “I’m sorry honey, but I have to, your little head is too imaginative to let you loose in here.” The way he looks at you it’s disturbing, licking his lips in anticipation of what he’ll do to you that night.

He’s not sorry at all.

He can't wait to use you as he wants.

His gaze is intense and dark and you feel like he can get under your skin and read your every thought.

Tess controls Joel's moves, gun still in her hand and when you are completely at their mercy, lying on the bed, with the rope that at most allows you to turn on your back, she bends down to look at you, running the cold steel of gun on your face. You feel tears stinging your eyes as you look at her "oh come on don't do that, after all it's always better than breaking your delicate back with those shitty jobs, right?"

Her mellifluous voice makes you furious, does she think she did you a favor? You would like to spit in her face, on that cold and evil face of hers but you don't.

You can’t.

There's no point in trying to fight back, they'd kill you.

You know that.

They both go off to who knows where and you stay there, waiting, unable to do anything else.

________________________________

It’s the dead of night when the door creaks again and they come back in. Your wrists hurt, you feel stiff, exhausted even though you’ve done nothing but lie there, consumed by fear.

Tess is the first to approach “so kitten, have you been good today?” she coos wickedly and pats your head just like you’re her pet.

You feel a blind rage fill you as she calmly sits on the bed and takes off her boots.

Joel sits on the other side, takes off the dark blue denim shirt he is wearing and unlaces his combat boots.

You are lying on your back now and you crane your neck to watch them.

It’s incredibly frustrating for you to realize that both of your kidnappers are gorgeous.

Tess has a cold beauty, long dark blonde hair framing her face, her lean body reveals itself before your eyes as she takes off her clothes.

She has several scars scattered across her back and arms that make her look even more dangerous, adorning her skin like battle wounds. Battles that somehow she has always won. She’s feral as a lioness and as wicked as a demon.

You never knew you were into women but looking at her right now you can’t deny to find her attractive.

Joel on the other side is tense and nervous as a violin string, rippling muscles and large calloused hands, messy hair and a scruffy beard covering his cheeks.

Your eyes are drinking in his figure, glaring on his broad shoulders, strong neck and plush lips.

He’s definitely the most handsome man in the QZ.

He too has several wounds that blend into his olive skin, giving him the aspect of someone who cannot be argued with in the slightest.

In the little time you have already spent together, however, you have noticed how he bends to Tess's will, as if he were a guard dog always on alert to protect her.

Tess is the brains, Joel is the arm.

He's placed a large switchblade on his pillow, there to remind you that you have no escape.

They are both in their underwear, their clothes lying on the floor. Tess orders Joel to untie you, the rope slowly loose on your wrists as Joel warns you “you better not make a single move or you will regret it, slut”. His voice in your ear is terrifying, bouncing around in your head like a nightmare you can’t wake up from.

“Good girl” Tess praises you briefly while you remain still, before ordering “undress her”

Joel unceremoniously removes your jacket and shirt, throwing everything on the floor. He unhooks your bra, brushing his fingertips along your back, and you shiver imperceptibly.

As your bra comes off, the pills you’ve hidden inside fall onto the bed, rolling onto the blanket. Tess shakes her head, squinting “What are those? Didn’t you say you were hungry? Do you need pills to feed yourself, you little whore?” her voice is like ice and the blade of the knife abandoned on the bed is suddenly at your throat, held by Joel.

Your voice breaks into tears as you try to justify yourself. You try to say that they are only for you, just painkillers, you’re not a drug addict, you won’t sell them, you won’t try to ruin their business.

“Pfff and we should believe you?” Joel scoff, laughing from behind your back, tugging violently on your arm and sliding the blade on your skin.

“I-please”

You don't even know what to say anymore.

"Stop whining, it gets on my nerves” Joel warns you as he slightly dig the blade into your cheek, scratching you just a little, just to let you taste the flavor of iron.

“You'll be a very good pet for us, won't you?” Tess whispers leaning close to your ear and running her fingers along your arm.

Tears now roll freely down your cheeks. She wipes away a tear and licks its salty taste from her thumb, pleased.

“Yes, I’ll be good I - I promise” you sigh.

“You certainly will be, if you don't want to taste Joel's knife.” He grins behind you and leave the switchblade on the sheets.

Your bra joins the other clothes on the floor as Tess squeezes one of your nipples between her fingers. She isn't gentle, she isn't delicate, her hand is firm, demanding, her fingers calloused.

After all, she isn't one to back down from a fight and everything about her shows it.

She pulls, pinches and twists, treating your nipple as if it belongs to her and she can do whatever she wants with it, looking you straight in the eye, intimidatingly, without even flinching.

Joel is still behind your back, sitting on the bed and he reaches for your hips, his large hands enveloping them and his fingers pressing hard into your flesh. He leans down and runs his tongue all the way up your spine, going up your shoulder and biting hard where it joins your neck. You cry out. You know it will leave a mark on you, his teeth tattooed on your skin.

Tess slaps your tit when a moan slips through your lips at the sensation of having Joel sucking hard on your skin, leaving more marks on your neck, his beard scratching you.

“You fucking like it, don’t you, pet?” She teases.

You can’t say anything, a stinging pain spread across your chest and you wonder how strong she really is despite her slim figure.

Joel detaches from you and Tess makes you lying on the bed again, unbuttoning and tugging down at your jeans, leaving you in nothing more than your ridiculously worn panties, they’re so old they’re basically see through but it’s not like you can have something fancy in the QZ.

She spots a wet stain right in the front and she smiles fake sweetly, you can still see the evil in her ice cold eyes.

She takes the hem and just rip them off, exposing your bare cunt.

You gasp and try to gather your hands in front of you for covering your privates but you can’t, Joel is still holding your wrists in a dangerous grip.

She laughs at your clumsy attempt “darling, rebelling won't do you any good, I thought I was clear before”

“Please,” you whisper, “please let me go. I didn’t steal anything in the end, I’m never coming back.”

“No,” she says firmly, “no. Do you know why? You don’t mess with us, you don’t even try. You have a lesson to learn.”

Her fingers run over your leg cold. You don't have time to beg again as another slap hits you. "Poor little girl, didn't your mother teach you manners? We'll have to think about it ourselves." She says, pursing her lips.

She slaps your cunt.

You throb.

And you’re wet.

You hate every cell in your body that is getting sexually aroused by them.

Your brain says no, but your body isn't following suit and you can't really explain it.

What was once pain is turning into a creeping, crawling tingle that runs under your skin.

Back in the days you had a boyfriend that used to fuck you roughly and you liked that but you certainly never thought to be aroused by people holding you captive.

It’s insane.

She lifts one of your legs up high, holding it tightly by the ankle as Joel brings your arms above your head on the bed and his grip continues to secure your wrists.

“Um, look at you. What a delicious wet pussy.” Tess coos.

Joel grunts at the sight “such a needy slut”

Tess positions herself between your legs and begins to rub herself on your pussy.

She doesn’t care a bit about treating you like a person, making your joints ache for the unnatural position, one leg impossibly strained with her grip and the other one straight on the bed with your thigh hurting under her weight.

You’re their muppet now.

The friction between your pussies makes you feel ashamed at first, you've never done it before. With each thrust of Tess on you, however, you begin to feel a heat enveloping your lower abdomen, going straight down to your clit making it sensitive and swollen.

You’re excited, as much as you hate to admit it.

Tess is wild, she’s claiming your body like a predator does with its prey, her small and perfectly shaped tits are bouncing in the air, nipples pink and hard.

You're biting your lip hard, holding back the moans that try to escape from the back of your throat.

You don’t know what came over you but wouldn't mind sucking on them .

You look up at Joel who towers over you, his gaze glassy, ​​fixed on your pussies slamming together making the most obscene sounds you've ever heard, like a squish on loop, wet and slippery.

Tess looks at you, her face twisted into an evil grimace as she groans and curse.

You're trying to control yourself in every way but your body responds, you feel a rush of pleasure flooding you. Fuck. It's like your brain is leaking out of your cunt.

You’re gasping under Tess.

Your hips move trying to seek more friction.

Hot tears stream down your face as you moan. You can’t believe how fucked up this is.

“Oh yeah, baby, go ahead and cry, be a pathetic whining mess, we don't give a shit. Your whore pussy is ours now.” Joel growls.

He moves in front of your face, his large hand covers your cheek completely and squeezes it hard, pinching your skin mercilessly before giving you a slap. You feel an unbearable heat radiating on your skin, you haven't even moved your arms even though he has let go of his grip.

“You’re just a plaything,” Tess echoes, “and you’re enjoying it, aren’t you, little scammer?”

Tess grinds against you relentlessly, she reaches down and twists your clit with two fingers and a wail of pain breaks from your lips.

You feel delirious under her ministration, her body takes what it wants from you and there's nothing you can do to stop it, on the contrary. Your nipples are so pebbled they look like little rocks on your chest, your cunt so sloppy and wet that your cream is lasciviously trickling on your inner thighs, you don’t recognize yourself anymore.

Tess comes above you, callin names and stuttering angrily.

You whine again and Joel barks “it’s time for you to shut up, slut”

He pulls down his boxers with a dark look and an incredibly devious smile plastered on his face. His cock is right in front of your eyes, semi hard, he spits in his palm and starts fisting it, up and down his length. It’s thick and swollen, more big than you expected.

His angry red tip almost touches your lips, he reaches for your jaw and pulls it “open wide, slut” he orders. Your lips are pressed together, you try to resist, but Joel takes a handful of your hair, pulling hard.“I. Said. Open. Wide.” punctuating each word with a stronger tug.

You can’t help but doing it, he’s basically tearing off your hair while Tess is still having no mercy of your cunt. She moves on the sheets and she stick two of her fingers in your cunt, up to the knuckles “Jesus, you’re fucking soaked baby, such a good slut”

Joel forces his cock into your mouth and begins to push inside you until he reaches the back of your throat, not letting you get used to it, your cry is muffled by your lips tightening around his shaft. His taste spread across your tongue as he moves abruptly into you, in and out of your lips. Your mind is fuzzy, you try to breathe from your nose but all you can feel right now is the aching of your jaw and the way Tess is scissoring her fingers inside your hole. They have no mercy and you’re madly aroused with it.

It’s not like you’re expecting something good from life at this point. Life isn’t gentle anymore, you lost everything a long time ago, you’re just trying to stay afloat biting off what you can and expecting nothing but bites back until the day fate or destiny decides it's over for you.

You don't know if there's a hint of what they call Stockholm Syndrome in all this but here you are, willing to be free use, for them to ruin, right on the verge of losing your mind. You’re pliant and hungry now, sucking on Joel cock like a good meal after a whole month of starvation, you’re reaching his balls with your hand, massaging and squeezing it lightly. Tess is watching you and she doesn't seem happy with the way you're trying to be, her hand lands again on your pussy, heavy and cruel, right on your clit.

“Oh don’t be too much of an ass kisser, I never liked them. And don’t do anything until we tell you to”

Joel grunts deeply as you let go of his ball “fuck I liked that though” and he grabs your hand back “since you like it, touch it, you dirty whore”

Tess rolls her eyes and slaps your pussy again and again until you feel your skin burning and you know you're about to come, your muscles are tense and your legs start to tingle as well as the bottom of your belly.

Tess understands and stops. “Oh, one more thing, you come if and when we decide.” A moan rises from deep in your chest and vibrates on Joel’s cock.

“Keep sucking” Joel urges you groping and squeezing your tits.

You move painfully up and down his length, him holding the back of your skull. Tess watches you, studying your reactions, a hint of jealousy in her eyes as Joel continues to thrust into your mouth, urging you “like this, little bitch, keep going - OH FUCK”

You can feel your cunt throbbing, screaming for a release.

Tess is giving you occasional kitten lick, so soft and so evil at the same time ‘cause you’re right on the edge. It’s a torture, an unbearable struggle that you can take anymore. Your cunt is clenching around nothing, your clit swollen and sore, you’re feeling delirious and you’re not allowed to come.

Tess picks up the knife again and you feel it slide across your inner thigh, it’s cold on your sweat-beaded skin and it makes you shiver. It rises dangerously close to your center, her evil eyes obsessively following the path of the blade. A sharp smile spreads across her face as she begins to sink the tip into your flesh, just enough to scratch your skin. You’re choking your whines on Joel’s cock as you smell blood in the air. It feels like she’s writing something, her trajectory is meticulous and careful, she pulls the blade out smiling again, satisfied with her work.

“Here you go, now everyone will know what kind of whore you are. If you ever get out of here”

She runs her tongue over what she just branded into your skin, your body shakes, your back arches insanely seeking for that delicious line between pain and pleasure, it’s stinging and soothing at the same time.

Joel is spilling inside you, his cum invading your mouth, painting your tongue and sliding warm down your throat. His face is red and sweaty, he's gritting his teeth, his neck is tense, his merciless hand holds you still clinging to your neck, he looks like a wild animal ready to devour you.

“Swallow it all, bitch” And you do it, you have no other choice. And you like it. You like the feel of his vein pulsing against the roof of your mouth, the heat and weight of him on your tongue, his musky flavor. It distracts you from the pain spreading across your thigh.

Joel only pulls out of your mouth when you've licked it clean.

It’s softening but it’s still the biggest cock you’re ever had.

He whispers in a hoarse voice that you are a very good little pet, smiling at you nastily, his big hands filling with your breasts, calloused and heavy, your nipples still hard under his palms.

Tess chuckles “yeah, she’s not that bad. And she’s a real fucking slut, aren’t you, honey? Your pussy is hungrier than your stomach”

You don't answer her, you are enraptured by Joel's dark and lascivious eyes, naked and helpless on the bed, branded like a cow, stupid and drunk on sex.

Your mind is no longer thinking clearly.

They both lie down on the bed to catch their breath, leaving you naked and sore at the foot of it, like a rag doll.

You never imagined this would happen to you when you came in here. And then, when they found you, the first thing you thought was that they were going to kill you. You're still here. Exhausted, in pain as you stare at the ceiling, sweat cooling on your skin.

You wonder how long it will last, where they will dump you when they get tired.

You're still alive anyway, that's enough.

There is definitely something rotten in you. You want to get up and see the word Tess wrote on your thigh but you are not brave enough. You trace it with a finger, shivering with pain, feeling your skin pull and pinch where it is starting to heal. If your touch is right it says “pet”.

[emmett6]

i am being attacked by antis.

this is emmett. emmettnet, emmettverse, emmettland, emmettundead, emmettlab. whichever blog you knew me from.

i am a whump creator. i've been in the whump community for a few years now. and now, i am unable to share my work with the community on here because people are mass reporting me for being a proshipper, and Tumblr keeps deleting my blogs as a result.

(if that isn't the reason why, i would be more than happy to get the explanation from @staff that i've been asking for.)

now, that is speculation on my part based on the timing of each termination (it's after i put my pinned post in the whump tags).

but here are the facts:

months ago, i became comfortable enough to share proshipping content. seeing as how every other artist would link their nsfw work on here, i thought it was acceptable for me to do the same so long as the preview image did not violate any rules.

an anon asked if i was a proshipper, and i said i didn't ascribe to that label*, but i agreed with the philosophy.

*i don't have any choice BUT to use it now because my posts get removed for describing what the content is

note that this anon asked multiple people in the whump community if they were proshippers. it was the same person each time, same copy-and-pasted responses.

i kept posting my proshipping content, all with links and extensive content warnings.

i started getting anon hate.

my account was terminated. after further reflection and rereading the terms of service AGAIN, i figured maybe links are not allowed and so i switched to DM only.

this time, the anon hate was consistent. every week was something new. every day felt like bracing myself to open my inbox. i kept anon on, since i have so many people who feel uncomfortable sending asks off anon and didn't want to take away their safe space.

months pass. i go on hiatus for all of July. i find out someone stole my old nsfw art and reposted their edited versions of it to rule34, a site that i never wanted my work to be on. this person waited until the exact starting day of my hiatus to do this.

i come back to more anon hate in my inbox.

suddenly, out of nowhere, my account is terminated again.

i make a new blog. more anon hate. another termination.

lather, rinse, repeat.

i stopped doing DM only stuff. i figured, if i just link my other platforms and only post safe things on Tumblr, there's nothing in the rules against that. everyone has links to their social media.

i still get terminated. and again, i keep getting terminated after i post my pinned post in the whump tags. which -- speculation again -- leads me and others to think that these antis are stalking the whump tags, waiting for me to show up so they can mass report me and get me terminated.

i have NO idea what they would report, aside from claiming i'm trying to "dodge being blocked". which, i'm not. in fact, i say every single time i come back that i WANT people to block me if they need to.

but regardless, it keeps happening.

i'm losing a place i considered home.

i'm being forced out of a community on here i love so dearly.

and you want to know something funny? for some strange reason, i'm unable to block my anons. yup. an 'error' message comes up. and i'm apparently unable to report them too -- like reporting the one who called me a 'tumblr tranny' and said i would 'always be a woman' for hate speech. oops, sorry. error message.

by now, i've been called evil. told to listen to my intrusive thoughts. told that i should be on a watch list. told that it's disgusting that someone's mutuals still interact with me. told that i have no place in the whump community.

i know that's not true.

i'm so sick and tired of being treated like this. i'm tired of being dehumanized. and i'm disgusted with this behavior.

at this point, i'm just screaming as many times as i can. i'll keep losing blogs, because i know my attackers will read this and just keep on reporting me. what do they have to lose? nothing. they don't have enough of a conscience to care. and why should they? clearly, i'm a monster. i'm a piece of shit. i don't deserve basic respect, and i apparently don't deserve to keep my 'platform'. to stay in my community and to keep my livelihood.

my discord is emmettnet. send me a DM if you don't want to lose me, because there is no point in following me repeatedly just for every blog to be terminated.

if you want to reblog this to spread the word and show your support, i would be eternally grateful. but i understand if you choose not to; i don't want anyone to be subjected to what i'm going through.

thank you for reading.

[theonekrafter]

Hey! I just recently found your Magneto fic and I am absolutely obsessed. Any updates coming in the future?

i’m super glad you enjoyed magneto! this ask has gotten me to finally put a discontinued in the description of magneto. it’s not at ALL because of you in particular, but i’ve realized by putting off adding it to the description i’ll keep giving people false hope. forgive me if i use this ask for a tediously long post describing why exactly i will never update magneto, so i can link it easily for anyone with similar questions in the future. 😭

so. short answer? no. magneto will probably never be updated. i’m really sorry for that. my interests have changed since graduating high school and i don’t really want to write bnha anymore.

long answer?

i started writing magneto pre-pandemic during my junior year of high school. i had seen there was only about a 100 self inserts for bnha at the time and thought “well, if i post something it’ll probably get a lot of attention, since the fandom is growing in popularity a lot and there’s a scarcity here!” 2019 was an interesting year for fanfic in bnha, since it didn't have enough content for the growing eyes looking for it.

i ended up being very correct. too correct. i actively updated magneto over the course of half a year, roughly, and in that time it rapidly climbed in attention. since 2020 ive only updated it about twice(?) and that hasn’t deterred the new readers it’s gotten. i get comments every other day asking about updates.

magneto is currently the most kudo-ed bnha si-oc on the entirety of ao3. which is fucking insane. i don’t think it deserves it, but popularity is rarely about deserving. usually it’s about being just good enough, just novel enough, and being posted at the right time.

but i digress: it doesn’t feel possible for me to update magneto for a variety of reasons.

1) my disinterest in the setting would make any future update disingenuous.

i haven’t been actively into the bnha fandom in about four years now. i don’t really read bnha fic aside from the very occasional si-oc, nor have i kept up with the manga or anime. the only fic i’ve ever written for the fandom is magneto, and it’ll probably always be my only fic for the fandom. (watch me say that and be wrong in the next few years LMAO)

it would be really rude of me to stomp into a space i don’t even like anymore and post something lackluster and lacking in passion. especially with the express intention of gaining more engagement from readers. like it or not, magneto IS the most popular si for bnha, and i think i drive attention away from better books by updating and inadvertently preserving that position in the ranking.

I can't believe no one has written any "self-insert as Bakugou" fanfics yet what a bunch of cowards by the_incidental_author and i have jostled back and forth for that #1 kudo-ed spot for the past five years. which i admit has been fun, but i would very much like for them to overtake me. it’s clear (to me, at least) that they actually enjoy writing bnha more than me and update more often to boot.

i fully welcome ANY fic to take magneto's position at this point, if only so that less people comment how poorly written it is. which leads me into my next point.

2) my writing style has SIGNIFICANTLY changed over the past five years.

when i do my yearly reread of magneto i actively cringe and have to resist the urge to rewrite every chapter in a separate google doc. in any hypothetical world where i do add to magneto, i do a complete rewrite. in no particular order, the things i would change are:

kenzo being defined by three character traits and nothing else. her exhaustion, her mild spite for her father, and her aimless wandering through the plot

better grammar. dear god the grammar errors. dear god the SPELLING ERRORS

the pov characters being more developed and feeling more like Individual People with their own personal motivations and histories that are not defined by what the plot needs from them (cough, reacting to how cool kenzo is)

not just recapping each anime episode and stating what kenzo would do in that situation

placing greater focus on the way quirk society discriminates against those with undesirable quirks and backgrounds. what does it really mean to be the child of a criminal in a world where people assume that sort of thing is hereditary?

kenzo's classmates should've been more classist in general, especially in relation to quirk discrimination. UA is a school only the most wealthy and powerful get into, there's no way there wouldn't be social disconnects that create tension between a dead eyed daughter of a villain and more than a few nepo babies.

if you have any interest in naruto, skyrim, asoiaf or dragon age you've probably read my more recent fics. fluffy clouds and a tinge of wonder, the fic i have updated the most this year, is a really good example of how significantly my writing has evolved since starting magneto in 2019. my technical skill and style have changed enough that it just would be tonally jarring for me to update magneto without outright rewriting everything.

like. im being so fr with you right now, i didn't learn how to start outlining until about a YEAR AGO. magneto was written on a chapter by chapter basis with little idea of where exactly it was going. i implied that there would be a future confrontation between kenzo and her father, but i didn't have any idea of HOW that would occur or even what the consequences of it would be.

adding to magneto as it is would be like trying to add a sleeve to a shirt that's missing it's entire back panel and most of it's front. i'd be playing catch up with the plot and end up having to rewrite previous chapters anyways.

3) bnha commentors have been kind of really mean to me compared to other fandoms i've written for LMAO

ok. please don't draw and quarter me for this. MOST commentors have been extremely complimentary, and kind. besides the occasional bomb of like seven comments in my inbox of ten hearts from one user (which, sweet, but please don't do that) the bnha fandom has been totally fine.

but a very small minority have been really pushy about making me update a fic i have clearly not touched in two years, and realistically haven't actively updated in four. from comments just saying "wow this is great. update soon." to DETAILED reviews of how bad my fic is and how they can't believe how garbage like magneto is so popular.

which like. i don't feel personally attacked by? i fully agree that magneto is bad for the previously stated reasons. i wouldn't read magneto if i were a casual reader and hadn't written it. usually the second kind of comment really annoys me because of it's presumption of importance and for how soul crushing it would have been for sixteen-year-old me to read.

bnha as a fandom, especially in recent years, has felt more and more like they treat fic like something that is created in a vacuum. souless content that exists for readers to consume. the comments don't go to an inbox, they go to a void, so really it doesn't matter if i say something really belligerent to an author i don't know about a Self Insert Fanfic They Wrote In Between Rehearsals For Their High School Play.

but whatever. if it had just been me experiencing that i would've written it off as like just my fic, but a close friend and frequent cowriter of mine Reavv has dealt with this a lot more than me.

they wrote It's a like a time travel comedy, without the comedy, another very popular bnha fic, and had to private it because people were going to their other UNRELATED fics and badgering them to update it. people still go into their comments insisting they unprivate it, oblivious to the fact that every time they ask it adds another year to reavv's internal timer for when they will.

a combination of my own experiences and reavv's have completely put me off of writing bnha i'll be fr. even if i was still in the fandom, the majority of my fics will always be about fucking dragon age and skyrim. i do not want random bnha fans coming into my dragon age fics and, AFTER NOT READING THE FIC, saying that since im active i should clearly update my bnha fics. that's a nightmare scenario for me.

in conclusion

i am so glad that people like magneto, i'm glad that i wrote magneto. the initial jump in readers i got from magneto gave me the confidence to write other fics, and the alternating pov format is a staple of most of my writing now. some of the comments i got for that magneto when i was a teenager were the only things that kept my ass going.

but magneto is never being updated. i don't even think it's gonna be rewritten. i really am sorry about that, but it is what it is. thank you for reading it, thank you for loving it, thank you for feeling ambivalent about it. good talk.

btw to the original asker, again. this is NOT a rant directed at you, you just inspired some Thoughts in me and i had to let them loose.

[toasty-melons]

abby comforting reader who has a bad relationship with their mom? i need her comfort n to tell me that i’m not my mom cause i’m having a whole ass breakdown n need abs to hold me

honestly darling me too.. i’m so so so sorry i took this long to get to your request, but it’s been sitting my drafts for a while (bc i’ve been a bit insecure abt posting it)

if there’s grammar errors squint bc i’m not rereading this

Here you are.. Sitting in your car for the past 20 minutes, trying to get your tears to stop. You don’t want Abby to see you cry, even if she already knows about the relationship you have with your mom.

But Abby’s never seen you cry over it before. Never. Not once.

You’ve always made absolute sure that your tears are either spilled in the shower or in bed after Abs has fallen asleep.

But the stresses from the past week have built up. Your work being especially exhausting, your mom getting in touch with you to basically just make you feel bad about yourself, and then today. You had an argument with your dad, that ended with him mumbling something about how ‘you’re just like your goddamn mother.’ And it hurt.

Your mother is terrible. She’s mean, manipulative, inconsiderate, hateful, disrespectful, vindictive, etc. She’s just a terrible person. And you’ve always told yourself you’ll never be like her.

The sounds of light rain hitting the windshield having you cursing under your breath. After wiping your tears and fixing yourself up in the rear view mirror, you gather your things and make your way inside your shared home.

After closing the door and kicking off your shoes, your hit with the smell of Abby’s cooking. And then the thought of someone loving you and taking care of you like Abby does, makes you think you don’t deserve it. What if you are like your mother? Abby doesn’t deserve that. The tears start to well in your eyes once again, so you lean your head back to keep the from falling. Placing your hands on your hips and sniffling to keep it together.

“Babe? You home?” Fuck. Abby’s sweet voice makes the tears finally fall. Your body knowing that all you want is her to wrap you in her arms and kiss the tears away.

Scrunching your face and taking a deep breath, you brace yourself as Abby walks around the corner a smile plastered on her face but soon wiped away. Concern furrows in her features as she slowly approaches you.

“What’s wrong?” Her words are soft, almost whispered, as she gently removes your hands from their place on your hips and pulls you into her broad chest. “Are you hurt?” The shake of your head puts Abby at some ease, knowing that you’re physically okay. She nods and runs her hands up and down your back slowly and soothingly.

After a few moments of silence, other than your sniffles and hiccups, she speaks up again. “Can you tell me what happened?” You peak up at her through your wet lashes, tears still spilling down your cheeks. Abby chuckles and coos a sweet, ‘awww babyyyy,’ while softly wiping your tears away.

Pouting you try to tell her what happened, hiccuping after almost every word. “My- *hiccup* mom gave- *hiccup* me- *hiccup*..” Having trouble understanding you Abby shushes you and rubs her thumbs over your cheeks.

“Hey hey.. deep breaths sweet girl.. There ya go, just like that.” Listening to her and taking a few deep staggered breaths, you lean into her touch. “Now start over and take your time.” Abby’s little smile warms your heart. Nodding you try and start again.

“My mom gave me a hard time this week. And work has sucked basically everyday, and- and.. and then my dad.” The mere mention of your dad has a lump forming in your throat again. Abby’s soft touches against your cheek has you swallowing it down and exhaling harshly. “And my dad and I got into a fight today.. and he said I was just like my mom.” Watching Abby’s face contort into confusion and slight agitation has your stomach dropping.

“He said what?” Her tone is not as sweet as it was moments before. But from the way your lip quivers and tears well up again, Abby quickly softens and shakes her head. Pulling you back into her chest before speaking again, “You, my sweet girl, are nothing like your mother. You hear me?”

Sniffling, you quietly mumble against her, “but what if I am-..” She cuts you off with the click of her tongue before you can finish. “But Abby-..”

“No.. You are so good. So kind and gentle. You’re caring, compassionate, and warm-hearted. Baby.. you are such a good person I don’t know what I would be like without you, but I know I wouldn’t be this good.” Squeezing you in her arms, she presses kisses to your forehead and whispers a soft ‘I love you.’

You push your face further into her chest and mumble, “I don’t deserve you.” You can feel her shake her head before she whispers to you,

“You deserve everything and more.”

[fetusgooseandjuice]

Hi, how are you? I hope everything is good. I wanted to tell you that I love the story "I'd Do It Again For You" I reread a lot of times already, it's one of my fav. I like how you write, so I was wondering if it was possible a "Kate x FemReader" where Kate was a little distant and cold and the reader was sad, they argue a little about this but the truth is that Kate preparing a surprise for the reader's birthday, something for the two of them, romantic and fluffy. Thank you if you'll do my request. （*＾ワ＾*）Have a great day/night❣

Promises

Pairings: Kate Bishop x Fem!Reader | Wandnat x Daughter!Reader

Summary: The request!

Warnings: Mentions of cheating

Word Count: 4.2k

Author’s Note: Sorry it took me a bit to write this request, but here is it! I hope you like it! Also, I apologize for any grammatical errors. ❤️



You weren't sure what had caused Kate to become so distant lately. It seemed like she was always too busy to spend time with you, and you didn't know why. She'd been more secretive with her phone and her whereabouts, and it honestly worried you.

Was she cheating on you? Had she lost feelings and was just afraid to say something?

So many possible reasons for her recent behavior ran through your mind, and it scared you to think that some of them might actually be true.

With your birthday being in only a week you hoped none of your thoughts would become reality because that would be the worst birthday present in all of history. But you didn't know anything for sure besides the change in her behavior began a couple weeks ago...

~~~

"Hi, Katie!" you happily greeted your girlfriend as you flopped down next to her on the couch of the compound living room.

She quickly shut her laptop that was on her lap before looking at you, "Hey, baby!" Kate nervously chucked, "When did you get here? I thought your moms didn't have to come in until tomorrow."

You slightly frowned at her actions, "Just a few minutes ago. Fury called them in for a last minute meeting, so I decided to tag along to come see you."

"Well I am extremely happy to see you, pretty girl. I missed you." Kate softly spoke as she leaned in to kiss you, but before your lips could touch you placed a hand on her chest to stop her. She looked at you with worried eyes and pulled back, "What's wrong?" Kate asked.

"What were you doing on your laptop?"

She hummed in confusion with furrowed eyebrows at your question. "When I came in here you closed your laptop like you were hiding something. Are you?" you clarified.

"What? No, I would never hide something from you, baby. I just wanted to give my full attention to my girl now that you're here." Kate assured you with a sincere smile.

You searched her eyes for any signs of deception, "Are you sure?"

"One-hundred percent, my love." she confirmed before you just decided to let it go with a nod of your head, "Wanna watch a movie? Yelena went shopping earlier and bought some of the good snacks if you're hungry." Kate suggested as she reached for the television remote to turn on the TV.

"Sure, as long as I get to pick what we watch. Your taste in movies is a bit...different?" you said with a giggle.

"Fine," Kate playfully rolled her eyes while standing up, "You pick the movie, and I'll go get snacks." she said, leaning down to peck your lips before heading off into the kitchen.

~~~

You thought that would just be a weird one time thing from your girlfriend, so you pushed it to the back of your mind and tried to forget about it. That was going pretty well until her suspicious demeanor continued and the amount of unusual behavior from her started to pile up.

Like when she canceled your date night plans at the last minute a few days later...

~~~

You were laying in bed reading a new book you've been obsessed with when your phone rang from beside you. Your eyes shifted away from the pages to look at the screen and when you saw your girlfriend's contact name on the screen, your heart fluttered.

Setting aside your book, you tapped the button to answer and held the phone up to your ear, "Hi, Katie!"

"Hey, baby." she responded, her tone sounding a bit sorrowful which caught your attention immediately.

"What's up? Are we still on for tonight? I've been looking forward to it all week." you questioned with a grin just at the thought of seeing her later on.

"Um, yeah, about that..." Kate trailed off.

You furrowed your eyebrows, "What's wrong?"

"I'm gonna need a rain check on our date. Something came up and I can't make it." she explained.

Your once fluttering heart dropped at her words. You had been so excited to finally spend time with her after being busy with your moms all week.

You missed her.

Kate told you she missed you just as much which is why she promised to keep her schedule today clear of missions and anything extra. But you can't blame her because it's not her fault.

"Oh," you said sadly, "That's okay. What came up? Did Fury give you a mission?"

"No, I just have some personal stuff that I have to take care of. I'm sorry, baby. I know you were excited for our date, but I promise I'll make it up to you soon." Kate answered which made you frown.

You both tell eachother everything, so you found it odd how she wasn't telling you what came up that caused her to cancel on you at the last minute. You were confused, but you decided to just leave it alone for now.

"Okay, I understand. I'll talk to you later?" you asked, hopeful.

"Yeah, of course, I'll call you. I love you." she responded. You repeated the words back to her before hanging up.

Dropping your phone, you rested your head back on the headboard with a sigh. Personal stuff? What was that supposed to mean? You didn't wanna think about it at first, but the thought of her possibly cheating on you or having lost feelings now seemed like it might actually become true.

A knock on your bedroom door broke you out of your thoughts, "Yeah?" you called out.

The door opened revealing Wanda, "Hey, dinner will be done in a couple minutes if you're hungry." she said.

"Alright, thanks." you gave her a small smile that, as your mother, Wanda was easily able to tell you forced out.

"What's wrong, darling?" she wondered.

You looked up at her with a hum, "Nothing, I'm fine." you answered.

Wanda playfully rolled her eyes at the lie and entered your room, taking a seat on the edge of your bed, "You know you can talk to me, right? I know kids don't necessarily prefer to talk to their parents about their problems, but I want you to be able to talk to me."

You nodded your head, "Yeah. Yeah I know." you said while sitting up, "It's nothing, really. Kate and I might just be going through a rough patch."

She lightly frowned, "What do you mean?"

"I don't know. Kate's been acting a little off. First she started hiding things from me, and now she just canceled our date because 'something came up' in her words." you explained and Wanda just listened, "I just feel like something might be up with her."

Wanda had a sympathetic expression on her face as she looked at you, "Oh, I'm sorry, honey. Have you talked to her about it?"

"Yeah, the first time it happened. She promised me there was nothing going on so I left it alone, but now I'm starting to doubt that." you responded.

Wanda just pulled you in for a hug, comfortingly rubbing your back, "I'm sorry, sweetie. I'm sure things will get better very soon. Your mom and I both know that Kate loves you too much to let you go, but we're here for you if you need us."

"Thanks, mom. I think I'm just gonna go eat dinner and then settle down for the night." you pulled away from the hug.

"Okay, sweetie. I love you."

"I love you too." you said before she left your room, closing the door behind her.

~~~

That leads you to now.

Kate was driving you home after going on your rescheduled date that she promised to make up to you. Your birthday was tomorrow, and things were seemingly back to normal. Kate had been showering you with affection and she called you fifteen times a day just to tell you that she loved you like she always had.

Wanda was right when she told you things would get better...but it didn't last.

You and Kate were singing along to your favorite song when her phone rang. She took her phone out of the cupholder and looked between the screen and the road. You watched as she pressed the red button to quickly decline the call and then set her phone in the compartment on her door, away from you.

"Who was that?" you asked.

She shook her head, "Nobody."

That's how she always answered whenever you asked what was up. She brushed it off and it was beginning to get on your nerves.

"Are you cheating on me?"

To say Kate was shocked at your question would be an understatement. 'Why would you ever think such a thing?' she thought to herself. She loves you more than anything in this world, and Kate thought you knew that.

"Because if you are, just tell me so we can get this over with." you added.

"Baby, where is this coming from? Why would you think I'm cheating on you?" she asked, glancing at you before looking back at the road.

You shrugged your shoulders with a scoff, "Oh, I don't know. It's just the way you've been acting recently. Like that time where you shut your laptop the second I walked into the room, and then you took a raincheck on our date because you had 'something to take care of'. Now someone just called you and you're gonna tell me that it's nobody?"

As Kate listened to you she cursed herself for not realizing what her recent secretiveness looked like. Now she understands why you would think she's cheating on you, but that's not what's not even close to happening. Kate would clear everything up for you right now if she could, but she couldn't.

That would just ruin what she's been planning.

"Listen, I understand why you'd think that and I'm sorry for making it seem that way, but I promise you I am not cheating on you. I would never." Kate assured you, but you just rolled your eyes. "Nothing is going on, you just have to trust me, baby." she said as she parked the car in front of your house.

"I've swept everything under the rug because I trust you, but I'm tired of it now, Kate." you said.

Kate sighed and looked at you, "I know, baby, and I'm sorry. I love you so much, but I can't tell you right now. "

It was your turn to sigh now, "Fine" you unbuckled your seatbelt, "Just call me when you wanna tell the truth." you said as you got out of the car and made your way inside your house.

She watched you close the front door with guilt written all over her face. Kate never meant to upset you. She just wanted to plan a surprise for you to make you happy, but she sees now that she wasn't very good at trying to keep it a secret.

Kate just hopes that you're not too mad at her to talk to her tomorrow when she can finally show you what she's been doing all this time.

~~~

"Good morning, honey. Happy birthday!" Wanda enthusiastically spoke when she heard you enter the kitchen the next day.

You gave her a smile as you sat down at the kitchen table, "Thanks, mom."

"Got any plans for today? Going out with friends or are you and Kate doing something?" she asked, keeping an eye on the food she had cooking.

You sighed at the mention of your girlfriend, "I don't know. We got into a small argument last night when she dropped me off and haven't talked since."

"Who got into an argument last night?" Natasha jumped in as walked into the kitchen. She approached your spot at the table and leaned down to kiss the side of your head, muttering a 'Happy birthday, sweetheart.' to you before going to look through the fridge for something to drink.

"Thank you, mama." you said, "Kate and I got into a small argument when I asked her about why she's been acting so off recently."

Natasha and Wanda looked at each other before turning to you, "We're sorry, darling. Your mom told me about that night when she canceled your date. I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt you. We see how much Kate cares about you so I know things will eventually work themselves out. You probably have nothing to worry about, dear." Natasha reassured you and Wanda nodded her head in agreement.

You tried to think positively after seeing how your moms were doing so, but you were finding it kind of hard to. However, what you didn't know was that they were fully aware of Kate's plans, which is why they were trying to comfort you like this.

She had let them in on her idea to surprise you for your birthday so that she could ask their opinions on things, but now they were silently scolding Kate for upsetting their daughter because of her inability to act normal while sorting out this surprise.

You just shrugged your shoulders as they sat at the table with you, setting down plates of food. That was when your phone dinged, letting you know you had gotten a text. You looked at the lit up screen that had a message from Kate's contact.

Good morning, pretty girl! Happy birthday! I'm sorry about last night and I hope you're not too angry with me about it. I'm a little busy this morning so I won't be by until evening, but I love you so much and I hope you have a great start to your day! I'll see you later, my love. ❤️❤️❤️

You weren't sure what to think at this point. You were confused. Deep down you know that Kate would never hurt you, but then why had she been acting like this? You wanted answers, yet weren't getting them.

Letting out a sigh, you stood up from your chair, "Actually, I'm not really that hungry."

Wanda and Natasha glanced at each other, "Are you sure, honey? Breakfast is the most important meal of the day." Wanda chuckled in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"Yeah, I'm just a little tired. I'll be up in my room if you need me." you said before making your way upstairs.

They heard you bedroom door shut before sighing.

"Bishop better make this little surprise worth it if she's gonna upset Y/N this much." Natasha practically growled, turning to her wife.

Wanda shook her head, "It'll be fine. Remember how stressed out she was when trying to find a present for her? Kate cares too much to give Y/N anything less than what she deserves."

Natasha leaned back in her chair, "I hope you're right."

~~~

It was now evening and Kate just pulled up to your house. The sun was set, the stars were out, and everything had been working out perfectly. She knows however, that it might be a challenge to convince you to come with her.

She walked up the front steps with a bouquet of your favorite flowers for you in hand and rang the doorbell, patiently waiting for someone to answer.

A few moments later the door opened, revealing Wanda, "Kate! Hi, it's good to see you." she said as she stepped aside to allow Kate inside.

"It's good to see you too, Mrs. Romanoff." Kate replied with a genuine smile.

"Y/N is up in her room. She's barely come downstairs today because she's been so upset." Wanda told her which made another wave of guilt wash over her. She thanked Wanda and made her way to the stairs, politely greeting Natasha on the way.

Kate stood outside your room and took a deep breath before knocking on the door. She waited for you to answer before opening the door and stepping inside, "Hey, love." she said.

You lifted your head away from your book to look at her, "Hi." you quietly responded.

She approached your bed and held the bouquet out for you to take, "I know the old ones are starting to die, so I got you new ones."

You took the flowers from her with a small smile, "Thank you, Katie."

Kate stood there for a moment, contemplating what to do, "Listen" she started, sitting next to you on your bed, "I know you're mad at me for how I've been acting recently, but I have a reason for it. I couldn't tell you before, but I can tell you now." she said, "Well I can't really tell you, I have to show you."

"Kate it's late and I'm tired–"

"Please," she cut you off and took your hand into hers, "Please, just come with me. You said you wanted the truth, and what I'm about to show you is the truth."

You gazed into her pleading eyes and thought for a second, "This is gonna explain what you've been up to all this time?"

"Yep," Kate smiled, "So get your cute butt up, get dressed, and let's go." she grinned at your giggle and kissed your forehead before leaving the room to let you get ready.

A few minutes later your footsteps walking down the stairs interrupted Kate's conversation with your moms. She looked at you with adoring eyes, "Ready to go, beautiful?" she asked, standing up from the couch.

You hummed as she grabbed her keys and led you to the front door with a hand on your lower back.

"Hey, Bishop," Natasha said before you could walk out the door. Kate turned around to look at your mom who had her arms crossed, "Drive slow."

Kate gave her a quick nod of her head in understandment, "Yes, Mrs. Romanoff." she agreed before leading you out of the house and to her car.

"Where are we going?" you asked as she pulled out of the driveway.

"You'll see soon enough." Kate smiled at you.

And you did.

A little while later Kate parked in front of a place that you both knew like the back of your hands even in the dark. It was the lake that you had your very first date at after Kate asked you out.

She had set up a nice lakeside picnic on a sunny, breezy day where she taught you how to use her bow, and you fed the ducks and skipped rocks.

You haven't been back since, but you were happy Kate decided to bring you.

"Katie, what're we doing here? We haven't been here in forever." you gazed out the window, taking in the familiar sights.

"Come on, I'll show you." Kate said, getting out of the car with you. She grabbed your hand and intertwined your fingers to lead the way.

She began following the dirt trail through the trees and along the lake. It hadn't been too much of a long walk when Kate stopped, "We're almost there, so I'm gonna cover your eyes now. Do you trust me?" she asked.

"Yeah, of course." you answered before she placed her hands over your eyes and carefully led you the rest of the way. When she eventually stopped again you assumed you had arrived.

"Okay, are you ready?"

"Yes, Katie, just show me already." you said and she chuckled at your eagerness.

When she removed her hands from your eyes your breath hitched at the sight. It was just like your first date, but so much more. Blankets and pillows were laid on the grass with food sat on top and lit candles carefully placed on the ground.

Rose petals were scattered all around, fairy lights hung on the branches of the surrounding trees which gave the scene a beautiful, romantic glow with the sound of the gentle ripples of water from the lake.

It was gorgeous.

"Do you like it?" Kate hopefully asked.

"Like it?" you repeated in shock, "I love it...I love it, Katie."

She breathed out a sigh of relief, "Thank god, I thought it would be too much. I mean you didn't tell me what you wanted to do for your birthday, but I knew I obviously had to do something so I practically begged your moms to help me plan this. They probably got tired of me–"

"Wait, my moms knew about this?"

Kate scratched the back of her neck, "Well, yeah. They helped me pick out some of the decorations and your mom gave me recipes for the food because we both know I can't cook."

You giggled, "It looks amazing. This is what you've been up to lately? You did all of this yourself?"

"Not all of it. Yelena helped me set most of this up. She's actually the one who called me yesterday. She was letting me know that she got the fairy lights I asked for. I just told you it was no one so you didn't get suspicious, but that clearly backfired." Kate confessed.

"Oh," you mumbled. Now you're the one who felt guilty for ever doubting Kate's loyalty to you. You should've known better, "I'm sorry for not believing you when you said there wasn't anything going on. I was just worried."

Kate shook her head with a small smile, "It's okay, I understand. I was acting pretty weird so you had every right to suspect something. But, now you know what I've been doing so there's no need to think about it anymore, okay?" she spoke to you softly, gently cupping your cheeks.

"Okay." you whispered. Kate leaned down to capture your lips in a tender kiss, moving her hands down to your sides as yours went to her neck.

You eventually pulled away when air became a necessity and Kate rested her forehead against your own, "We should probably eat the food before it gets cold." she said.

Nodding your head you let her take your hand and lead you towards the blankets where you sat down and began looking through the options.

Time always felt like it flew by at a lightning speed whenever you were with Kate. You could never get enough of the way her terrible jokes made you laugh to the point where you were out of breath, or the way she looked at you while you were talking, how she took her time whenever she kissed you.

You could never get enough of her.

So you shouldn't have been surprised when a couple hours of you two flicking food at each other, and skipping rocks, and laughing until you couldn't breath, and sharing sweet kisses ended up passing by.

"And then Tony got so mad at me and Clint for destroying all of that equipment with the arrows we made that he just ended up making a whole separate room solely for archery." Kate said and you giggled as she was telling you about one of the many times she's stressed out Tony.

Kate gazed at you as your laugh gradually winded down with adoring eyes. "Hey, I actually got a little something for you." she said, searching through a bag that was set off to the side.

"Oh Kate, you didn't have to. This is already enough as it is." you gestured to everything she had set up around you.

"Yeah, but I wanted to. Besides, I think you're really gonna like this." Kate spoke as she pulled out a small pink box with a cute ribbon decorating it and handed it to you.

You looked between her and the box.

"Go on, open it. It's what I was buying that day I hid my laptop from you. It's also what I went to pick up when I canceled our date, so this almost got me in trouble." she laughed with you and watched as you untied the ribbon and opened the box.

You gasped at what sat in the center of the box. It was a gorgeous silver ring with a small heart shaped diamond attached that shimmered in the dimly lit area.

Kate gently grabbed the box from you and took the ring out, holding it in front of you, "Now it's only a promise ring, but I hope to eventually change that." she said and you giggled, "I want this ring to remind you of how much I love you whenever you look at it, Y/N. I promise that one day, I'll replace this ring with an engagement ring, but until then I want you to know that I'll always stay loyal to you because I love you more than anything else in this world."

Her words were so sweet that a single tear ran down your cheek. She reached out wipe away the tear before taking hold of your left hand and you gladly let her. She slipped the ring onto your ring finger and admired how it was a perfect fit.

She brought that hand up to her lips and gave it a soft kiss, "I love you, Y/N. So, so much." she whispered to you.

You surged forward and connected your lips in a passionate kiss. You had caught Kate so off guard that she had to hold your waist steady to keep from falling back as you wrapped your arms around her neck.

"I love you more, Katie. So much more." you breathlessly spoke against her lips before connecting them once again.

She grinned into the kiss, "Happy birthday, baby."

[dlthedescent]

Happy 5th Anniversary to Descent Blog

Hiya followers!

It's five years since I made this side blog for my Dying Light fanfic but technically, a year younger than when I first published it on FFN and AO3. And for those 6 years in total, I cannot thank enough of the support and love for something that I started with "I see the potential in the story, I want to write it, I'm gonna write it or so help me."

And here we are. Ahahaha, no end in sight. please send he-

I didn't have anything planned for an anniversary. But the best I can give is some updates coming:

Two chapters will be uploaded next week (as long as no hiccup from life), one being the intermission chapter and one starting the Harran Arc. Yes, it's finally coming.

Another minor thing I've been doing on the side is giving another overhaul cleanup on the previous chapters. While I'm in a neverending cycle with errors and grammar mistakes, hah, this is to streamline the writing a bit more. I've written so much over the years and started planning out something original to challenge myself as a writer, I wanted to put my skills to the test in cleaning up the old chapters. As well as make way for more creative thoughts in newer chapters, especially with expectations on my thoughts of how the Beast DLC may go. Would some plots be nicely connected and what could I further explore, bringing from the old to a new Descent 2 fanfic (TBW) in the future, etc.

The changes aren't gonna be too massive in changing the story, the plot will remain the same. You just will see that word count be a bit shorter than like...over a million words in total or something.

There are some things also cooking in the background but they're too early or rough to talk about it at this time. But for now, again thank you for reading and rereading and enjoy Descent. I wouldn't have gotten this far, without you guys.

[i-literally-cant-with-this]

WC ::: 5,200

A/N ::: I have it bad for Bakugo right now. I pretty much worked on this all damn day. Which will explain any errors you may find. I read and reread on Google Docs but it's almost 11pm and my tired eyes can take no more. It if's horrific, please tell me so I can fix it. I hate a misspelled word. Grammatical is fine. Love grammatical errors. I do them on purpose. Now I'm rambling and need to go to bed. Enjoy! Thank you for having Baku-Flu with me.

C/W ::: Too tired to elaborate. I'll fix it tomorrow. But MINORS, LOOK DOWN AND WALK AWAY. DOWN ... AWAY. Aged up Bakugo, Sorta slow burn, playful banter, alcohol use (not much), oral {M->F}, sex, quippy conversation. The End. Like I said, I'll fix this tomorrow, objectifying Bakugo? Admiring his ass. Idk. Leave me alone.

Hard to Get

It wasn't long after you turned on the tv that your mind started to wander. You were thinking about your best friend's birthday party you just got home from. You were thinking about Bakugo who was there, looking so delicious. 

His neck muscles turned and twitched whenever he moved his head or swallowed something. His lips curled into a sick and tight smirk whenever he looked at you. Your stomach would drop to your pussy and it made you feel sick in the best way.

The show you were watching was of little interest. Your hands had been resting on your spread legs as you lay on the couch, rubbing your inner thighs in slow, soft circles. Unaware of just how much you were turning yourself on while mindlessly daydreaming of him. Of Bakugo, being the one who's resting between your knees, touching you so sweetly. Wishing he was the one edging you closer and closer to your release.

The clock on your mantel chimed, signaling the end of this day and the start of a new one. You had no reason to stay up so you decided to call it and go to bed. You brush your teeth. Wash your face (with cold water - one last attempt at cooling yourself off) and climb into bed.

It was an hour before you even felt tired and it pissed you off that you laid there tossing and turning for so long. Still horny. Still too stubborn to give in and bring yourself some relief. You didn't want to touch yourself. You wanted Bakugo to do it. And since he wasn't here, you were going to throw a little hissy fit that only you would know about. Whatever.

You were just nodding off in your soft blankets and warm bed when your phone lit up and a pretty little chime resonated through your dark room.

"Hey." Is all it said. You didn't recognize the number, not even a little bit. So you texted back that they have the wrong number. No one you know generally texts this late at night anyway. Putting the phone down on your nightstand you rolled over and squished yourself back down into the mattress.

"No, I don't have the wrong number. I got this from {friend's name}, y/n =)."

"Ok, so all that tells me is you're a creepy asshole who harassed my best friend and got my cell number from them. Lose it. Permanently."

"Tsktsktsk. That's no way to talk to the guy who you were making fuck me eyes at over the birthday cake. Now is it, sweetheart?"

You laughed, "{Males name}, I'm so relieved to hear from you! I thought since you were there with your wife and kids you wouldn't notice me making fuck me eyes at you. When can I see you again? WITHOUT the fam, ok? They were a real drag."

"The FUCK! You calling me a creepy asshole is real rich. It's Bakugo, dumbass."

"Who?" This was too fun.

"Oh my God, you're so annoying, y/n. Bye. YOU lose MY number PERMANENTLY!"

"Bakugo, waitttt wait wait! I'm fucking with you lol! Jesus. You're so serious all the time! What're you doing up so late? Isn't it past your bedtime?"

"I don't have a bedtime, little girl. I make my own rules, baby."

"Who you calling a little girl? I'll have you know I no longer piss the bed. Well, unintentionally, anyway."

"YOU'RE FUCKING SICK!"

"You love it. There's no shame when it comes to sex. The dirtier the better, I say."

"..."

"Pussy got your tongue?"

"What?"

You huffed, "Pussy (Cat) got your tongue?"

"..."

Minutes passed before he said anything so you texted him again. "You typing with one hand? You know, some phones have a one-handed setting. It might be helpful for when you're ... well, using one hand for typing and one hand for something else. Just FYI. Anyway, if you're done, I'm going to try and get some sleep. I have stuff I gotta do tomorrow."

"..."

And that was the end of that conversation with Bakugo.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾

You woke up just the way you went to sleep: Horny. But you overslept and had some things to take care of before you could even think about doing that. Your shower was quick and way less hot than usual. The clothes you put on were loose-fitting and casual. This is what Saturday's were made for. Being comfortable, getting shit done and then spending the day lounging around.

There was one parking spot left at the post office and you were about to take it when some fucker on a motorcycle swooped in and stole it right out from underneath your tires.

"What the fuck, asshole!" You got out of your car and yelled at the person with the black, stickered helmet sitting on their shoulders. "I was going to park there, kindly move your fucking bike? Jesus."

The person came over to you and stood unnervingly close. So close to you that you had to back up against your car. "Um, personal space, dick." You pushed them away, your fingers dug into their hard chest muscles. You had to admit, with how much you've wanted to fuck lately, they felt so good. But that didn't change the fact they were a total piece of shit for taking this so far.

"You don't recognize me, little girl?"

"Little girl??" Where have you heard that recently. You narrowed your eyes and said, "{Males name}? Is that you hiding your asshole face behind the helmet?"

The man laughed and pulled his helmet off. "Yeah, yeah. It's me, {Males name}. You're a fucking idiot." He chuckled again and leaned in to hug you.

"Heyyy, Bakugo." You said in a quiet little voice. You wrapped your arms around his neck and backed yourself up the rest of the way against your car, pulling him with you. "You ..." you exhaled in his ear, "are so ..." pushing your tits into his pecs, "fucking ... mmmuch of an asshole." Pushing him away you pointed at the spot he took before you even had a chance to turn your blinker on. "I - why do you even need a whole spot? You can just leave that dumb thing on the sidewalk!"

"DON'T!" He grabbed you by the cheeks, squishing them together, causing your lips to squish out. His sudden movement and his hands so rough on you made you weak in the knees. "Don't talk about her like that. Ok?" He looked at his motorcycle and back at you.

You put your hands up, surrendering yourself to his tantrum. "S-sorry. Shit, sorry, ok?" He let go of your face and took a couple of steps back. "What did you need to do here? I can do it for you." He offered.

"I just have to ship this package and drop this in the outbox. I think I can handle it." You started to get back into your car.

"I'm sorry. Fuck. I didn't mean to ---" you shook your head at him, silently asking him to not bother with the apology.

"I get it. And you know what? Here." You tossed the small package to him and dug a $10 out of your pocket and gave that to him as well. "Thanks, parking spot stealer. Catch ya on the flipside."

He moved out of the way as you drove off without so much as a smile, a wave or even a resentful glare. 

But he waved at you.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾

The next time you saw Bakugo was at the coffee shop with your friend's boyfriend. You walked in and saw him with his stupid pointy blond hair and that stupid grimace on his stupid ... hot face.

You pretended to not see him even though you noticed him as soon as you walked up to the large window front.

The door chimed, signaling the entrance of a new patron. For some reason, all eyes went to you. Like you were the millionth customer or something.

Still, you kept your eyes on the floor and made your way straight to the order counter.

The cashier took your order and you were about to hand them the $9 for your fancy coffee when Bakugo swooped in and pushed your hand down so he could pay for you.

"Hey, y/n. Uh, lemme get this for ya? Let me make it up for the other day, yeah?" He tried to smile but it didn't really come across as much of a smile. More like a dominant show of teeth.

"Oh, you're ... you're here, too. I can pay for this, thanks tho---" You did your best to convince him to fuck off. But he wouldn't have any of it.

"Goddamn it, don't be an asshole. Let me buy you a coffee. C-consider this will be like a first step in our dating life, hm?" Fuck, he was hot. And he had at least one friend. Even if that friend was your best friend's boyfriend.

"Jesus, Bakugo. Fine! Fine. Pay for the damn coffee. Thanks. Thank you. Ok? You happy? I owe you now." You stepped back so he could pay. He put his hand on the curve of your waist as he moved passed you. It was fairly obvious what kind of effect it had on you. Your face turned a sweet shade of pink, your eyes blew out until they were almost all pupils. You just hoped he wouldn't see.

"You ok, y/n? You look like you're going to barf." He said.

"I'm not going to barf, you idiot. I just," you looked down the front of his body and left your eyes on his inseam.

"Y/n? you just ...?" He lifted your chin with his index finger, bent down a little and tilted his head to look into your eyes before your face was completely up.

"Huh? Wha-? Oh! I just need coffee. Just ... coffee. Can I get that to go, please? I gotta, I gotta go." You grabbed the coffee and stormed out.

"Hey! Y/n, whe- wait!" Bakugo called after you but you didn't stop. "The fuck. The actual fuck." He said to his friend.

They shrugged. "I've always thought she was a little odd." He laughed.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾

You called up your friend who gave him your cell number. Immediately going into your yelled speech as soon as they answered their phone.

"WHAT is wrong with you? You know, since you gave that dumbass my phone number he's been texting me and turning up everywhere I go! Did you give him my calendar too? 'Cuz I swear to fucking god, he was at the post office the other day. He stole my fucking parking spot. And then he was at the coffee shop just now. I swear to god he's everywhere now, {best friend's name}!! What have you done?"

"Who is this?" She laughed.

"Fuck, really?!" You yelled at her again. "I'm serious. He's everywhere. He's ... he's ..." You couldn't finish your thought.

"Hot as shit? You want his cock? You want his lips all over your body? You want his babiessss!? Oh my god! You want his babies!" She was in hysterics at the thought.

"You're the devil. You're really ... straight from hell. And I love you. But he's popping up in the places I frequent that I've never seen him at before."

There was silence on her end, until you heard voices in the background.

"Is {boyfriend's name} home?" You waited for her to answer you, hearing a third voice in the room. "Is Bakugo there? Jesus Christ. He's stealing you from me. I gotta go. I'll talk to you later." Enough was enough. Though you didn't know how friendly he had been with them in the past, you do know that Bakugo was becoming more and more a part of your life and the lives of your close friends.

Your cell rang. It was a number that you hadn't saved, but you suspected it was your new stalker.

"Hello, Bakugo?"

"Hi, pissy pants. Come over." You didn't love the nickname.

"Come over where? And no. I don't want to." You couldn't help but smile. You were really enjoying the attention he was giving you. Despite your best efforts to hate him, he was wearing you down.

"Come to your girlfriend's house. We're having an impromptu game night. Bring some shit to drink. See you in 30. And don't shower. You smell great as it is. See ya, sweetheart." And he hung up. Not even giving you a change to protest his garbage invitation to someone else's house.

"Don't shower? That's ... huh." You grabbed your keys and wallet and drove to the store to buy some shit to drink, as per his instruction.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾

You parked in your friend's driveway, essentially blocking Bakugo's motorcycle in between your car and their garage. You laughed at how pissed it would probably make him. A silent victory. 

A petty victory.

Walking in the front door, you saw Bakugo sitting on the couch. His legs spread, hands resting on his thighs. Just daring you to look at him. Anywhere.

"What's going on tonight?" You asked. "Asshat over here called me and told me to bring shit to drink and that it was an impromptu game night? Well, I'm here and I have the shit." Raising the bottles in your hand you showed them off to the 3 other people there.

They all cheered and came to you. Your friend and her boyfriend took the bottles and Bakugo gave you a hug. A lingering hug.

"Hi, pissy pants," he smiled devilishly at you and pressed his hips into yours and his nose into your neck.

It sends a pulse throughout your whole body. You slipped and your breath got caught in your throat. You hoped he wouldn't notice.

"Excited to see me, too? Good. I can't stop thinking about you." He said against your ear.

"I, uh ... yeah. What's up?" You patted him on the back and pushed him away, taking a deep breath when you were finally free of his grasp. "Who's ready for game night? Let's go!"

The next hour or so went by in a haze. The group of you laughing and drinking and playing some board game that was on the coffee table. You won a lot. Bakugo kept losing and it made you smile. He was a terrible loser to his core. There was no in between. At one point, he almost flipped the coffee table over. 

You were starting to get drunk. You knew it because that display of raw agitation at something so stupid made your stomach knot up. His shit coping was turning you on.

"I'll be right back." You stood and walked down the hallway to the bathroom. You walked in and turned the light on and shut the door behind you. You tried to shut it behind you but there was a foot in the way. "Jesus. Bakugo, what the fuck." You laughed.

He pushed his way in and locked the door behind him. "We're … talking."

"Now?" You asked. "I was just about to pee. You can wait." You started to walk back toward the door but he grabbed your waist and pushed you back against the sink.

"We're talking, y/n. So fucking listen."

"Ok, I'm listening. What do you want to talk about?" You smiled up at him, your lips slightly parted and your eyes set on his.

"You." He said. "You're driving me fucking insane, ya fuckin' brat. You're always walking around with those pretty tits and that fat ass, making me lose my goddamn mind. I can't stop thinking about you. Your lips, your pussy ... Fuck. I wanna taste you." His hands were all over you. Raking up and down your back, over your ass and thighs.

"Mmm, you think I have a fat ass?" You whispered. He nodded. "You're so silly, Bakugo. You think you can just say those things to me and I'll let you have me? You really think that?"

He nodded again. "I'm going to have you. And you're … gonna let me. That's how this is gonna go."

"Is it?" You laughed. "What if I say no?"

"Then I'm going to fuck you anyway. You want me to. I know it. I like games too, sometimes. I can play any ... little thing … you want. But, I'm just going to take what I want, y/n. And you're going to be begging me to keep going." He grabbed your tits and squeezed them until you moaned.

"I bet you'd love that." You exhaled.

"Fuck, I bet you would too." He pulled you in for a kiss. His tongue slipped into your mouth and you could feel your body getting hot. Your reaction to him was just about the most primal thing you'd ever experienced. You two were drawn to each other like magnets.

"Mmm ... mm-mm." You pushed him back and put your fingers to your lips. "What are we doing, Bakugo? This ... I don't know what you think this is ... but ... I just." You shook your head. "I need to pee. So ... shoo! Go on."

"You're so full of shit. Just admit you want me as much as I want you." He licked his lips and turned around, unlocking the door and walking out. "See you in a minute." He winked at you.

You locked the door behind him and went to the toilet. You looked at yourself in the mirror. "This can't be real. This can't be fucking real." You sat down and tried to compose yourself.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾

The next time you saw Bakugo was at the grocery store. You were getting some groceries for the week when you heard someone behind you clearing their throat.

It was him.

"Hi, pissy pants. Fancy seeing you here, of all places."

"Ohh-kayy. You don't even fucking live in this neighborhood! What the hell are you doing over here? Seriously, Bakugo." You looked around to make sure there were people who could hear you. "I don't love you! You need to stop following me, I WILL call the police, you freak!" You couldn't stay composed any longer and started to laugh.

"Oh, ha-ha. God you're an asshole." He eventually laughed, too. "Seriously, though. You won't text me back. Why?"

You shrugged, "I dunno. You're weird."

"What do you mean by that, y/n?"

"You're ... just ... I don't know." You shook your head. "I need to get back to my shopping."

He nodded. "Yeah, I get it. I'm not what you thought I'd be. Not really. But I'm not all bad, either, y/n."

"Hmm, I don't know. I think you're ... well, maybe I've misjudged you. It's not like I really know you. But, I don't know. I'm sorry for saying you're weird. You're not weird, necessarily. I don't know." You looked at him, curious about what he'd say next.

"It's ok. I'm used to people thinking I'm an asshole. It's just ... I like you. I wanna ... I don't know." He leaned over his cart and put his chin in the palms of his hands.

"Go out with me?"

"I thought you'd never ask, y/n! This is, oh my gosh. This is all so sudden! Yes! Yes, of course I'll go out with you!" He smirked. "Let me know when, y/n. See ya later, sweetheart." He took off in the opposite direction, knowing full well you were staring at his ass.

You bit your lip and watched him walk away. "Yup, still hot. Fuck."

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾

It was the night of your friend's boyfriend's birthday party. Bakugo had been texting you for days, trying to figure out where you'd be and what you'd be doing. You told him you'd be there. So there you were. In a pretty red dress that hugged your curves. And matched his eyes.

"Well, hello." He said as you walked up to him. "Wow, you look so fucking sexy. I love this. I love this dress. I love ... it." He was trying to contain himself.

"Oh, this old thing?" You giggled and grabbed him by the hand, pulling him onto the dance floor. "Dance with me, Bakugo!"

"I'm not really much of a dancer."

"That's disappointing. They say that men who dance are 10x's more likely to make a woman climax in bed. Or on the couch. Or the shower. Anywhere. Guess I'll dance by myself." You shrugged and laughed at your bullshit fact and the effect it had on his face.

"Oh my God, you're going to be the death of me, y/n. Come on." He put his arm around your waist and you two danced for the rest of the night.

A slow song came on and he pulled you to him. He tucked your hand against his chest and he held you close by the small of your back with his right hand. “You having fun, y/n?” He asked, looking down the front of your dress.

“Not as much fun as you, apparently. I can feel that, by the way.” You smirked, gesturing down between the two of you with your eyes. “But yeah, I am, actually. Thank you for dancing with me. You’re surprisingly not that shit at it.” 

Bakugo lay his head down on your shoulder and softly kissed your neck. "Let's get out of here." He said, his lips touching your ear as he raised his head and whispered to you. "Let's go back to your place."

You nodded. "Yes. NOW." You grabbed his hand and walked out.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾

Once you got to your place, you ran upstairs and put on some music. Your favorite song came on and you danced around your room for a minute before Bakugo walked in, looking at you with the most heavy, lustful eyes you've ever seen.

He slowly walked over to you and put his hands on your waist, pulling you in for a kiss. It was sweet and soft. "Y/n. How hot you are."

You shook your head, "Me? Bakugo, you are ... you are ... so fucking hot. You make me feel so ... I don't know. Like ... like I have no control over myself. You just ... you do this thing to me. It's like my whole body catches fire and then melts and I just want to ... fuck, I want to fuck you."

"I think I can make that happen." He looked at you, waiting for you to make the next move.

You pulled him over to your bed and pushed him down on it. "I'm in charge. Got it? I'm in charge." You climbed on top of him, your hands pushing his shoulders back as you straddled his waist.

"No, no you're not. But nice try." He flipped you over and held your wrists above your head. "You're mine, y/n. You're all fucking mine. I'm going to make you feel good. I'm gonna make you cum so hard, you'll be screaming my name for days because you’ll be too damn stupid to remember anything else." He smiled and kissed your neck, his hand moving down your body to your panties.

You gasped and bucked your hips up, "Fuck, Bakugo. That feels so good." Your fingers were in his hair, pulling it at the roots.

He pushed your panties to the side and slipped two fingers inside your pussy. "Jesus. You're so fucking wet, y/n. Is this for me? This wet pussy is for me? Fuck." He pumped his fingers in and out of you, his thumb rubbing your clit in slow, tight circles.

Your back arched off the bed, "God, yes, Bakugo. Fuck! Oh my fucking god, th- ... Don't … Please don't fucking stop!" You screamed.

"You gonna cum for me, baby? Huh? You gonna cum all over my fingers? I know you are. But not yet." He pulled his fingers from you, licked them clean and kissed your lips.

You grabbed his face and kissed him back, tasting yourself on his tongue. "Bakugo, I want ... lemme suck your cock."

"Hohhh fuck." He moaned. "You will, sweetheart. You will. But not right now. Right now ..." he unbuckled his belt and unbuttoned his jeans, pushing them down around his knees. His cock was hard and throbbing.

"Oh, fuck, Bakugo." Your eyes were wide with wonder as you sat up on your elbows on the bed. The dress pooled around your waist and your panties sat haphazardly covering your cunt. None of that mattered. All you could see right now was his huge cock.

And it saw you, too.

"It's yours, y/n. It's all fucking yours. So fucking take it, you little brat." He pushed your legs apart and rubbed the tip of his cock against your clit. "Is this what you want? Huh? This big fucking cock inside of your little pussy? Is it?"

"Oh my god, Bakugo! I do, so bad." You whimpered.

"I know you do. That's why I'm going to give it to you." He pushed himself inside of you, slowly stretching you out until you were begging for more.

"More, Bakugo. Give me more. Fuck, fuck me! Oh my god!" You pulled him down on top of you, your hands clawing at his back.

"Fuck, y/n. You're so fucking tight, baby. You're so fucking wet and tight. God, this pussy is perfect. I'm going to fuck you every day, you got that?" He started to thrust faster, his hips slamming into yours with each stroke.

Your back arched up off the bed as he fucked you. You were on the edge, your orgasm building with every move he made. "Oh? Gettin' close? I guess all that dancing really paid off. I should slow the fuck down. Wouldn't want you cumming too fast now. Nnnope." He slowed to a barely discernible drag. Your eyes nearly went full white as they twisted to the back of your head.

"Ba-ku-go ... ple--- ... ya, please. You have ... to ... mmmm … oh my god." You whined as he looked at your contorting face.

"I know, baby. I know. I got you. I'll give you what you want, sweetheart. You're going to cum for me, ok?" He kissed your neck and started to speed up again, his thrusts getting deeper and deeper.

"Yes! Oh my god, don’t … don’t … hoh fuck!" You were on the edge of a cliff, ready to fall off at any moment.

He grabbed your tits, squeezing them and rolling your nipples between his fingers. "Fuck! You're so fucking sexy. I wanna taste those tits, baby." He bent down and sucked one of your nipples into his mouth, his tongue swirling around it as he kept fucking you.

Your hands were in his hair again, pulling and tugging as he fucked you harder and harder. Your body started to shake and your breath caught in your throat.

"I'm going to … cum, Bakugo! Fuck! Pleasepleaseplease!" You screamed as you came hard around his cock. "Oh my god! Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck! Bakugo!"

You rode out the twitching and shaking of your body as he continued to fuck you. Dragging out more moans from you than anyone had ever bothered to do before.

His slow pace came to an even more painful stop. He kissed your neck until you were writhing below him. Begging him to do something.

Anything.

Bakugo slid back until just his tip was inside of you. He looked down at where he disappeared into your body and pulled out the rest of the way. His eyes darted back up to yours and he watched you all the way until his lips were encircling your clit.

"Oh my god!" You cried out as he sucked and licked your clit, his tongue pushing in and out of your pussy. "Fuck! Bakugo!" You grabbed his hair and pulled it, the pain making him moan against you. He licked and sucked on you so sloppily that the room was filled with the sounds of wet lapping. It was loud and erotic and almost too much. But it was just enough. You were so close to cumming again that it hurt. Your body was tight. The wire bound within you was ready to snap if he hit you just right once more.

"Cum on my tongue, y/n. Cum for me, baby. Fuck, you taste so good." He said as he pushed two fingers into your pussy, pumping them in and out of you.

Your back arched and your toes curled as you came again. Your legs shaking and your hands gripping the sheets. Your hips bucked up against his face as he sucked and licked you through your orgasm.

Bakugo sat back on his knees, his cock still hard and glistening with your juices. He slowly pumped his cock as he looked down at you. "You're so fucking filthy. I could watch you cum for me all day long." He grabbed your legs and pulled you down to him so that your ass was right at the edge of the bed.

He pushed his cock into you again, this time with a sense of urgency and a need to cum himself. He fucked you hard and deep, his hips slamming into yours with every thrust. He was so close to cumming that you could see it in his face.

"Your - mngh - your face looks stupid when you're about to cum. Y'know that?" You tried to laugh but all you could do was moan at how good his cock filled you. How good it felt as it dragged inside of you.

He leaned down and kissed you, his tongue pushing into your mouth as he fucked you harder. "Oh god, y/n. You feel so fucking good. I'm going to cum in you, ok?" He moaned as he fucked you.

"Yes! Fucking cum in me ... hmm ..." You moaned as you wrapped your legs around his waist, pulling him deeper inside of you. "Fill me up, Bakugo. Fuck!" You screamed as you came again, your body shaking and your pussy tightening around him.

Bakugo pumped his hips a few more times before he came inside of you, his cum filling you up and spilling out onto the bed. "Oh, fuck! Y/n! Fuck!" He moaned as he kept fucking you through his orgasm.

He eventually stopped, his cock still inside of you as he collapsed on top of you, his face buried in your neck. "Oh my god, y/n. That was ... that was so fucking good." He kissed your neck and chest before he rolled over and lay next to you on the bed.

"And to think, what I said about men who dance was total bullshit."

"I knew it! I knew you were lying about that." Bakugo laughed. "You're a little shit, you know that?"

"Yeah, I know. But I got you to dance with me, though." You smiled.

"You did." He smiled back. "But you're the one in bed with me."

You looked over at him and he was flipping you off with both hands.

"Fuck you." He laughed.

Taglist ::: @millennialmagicalgirl @callm3senpaii @darkstarlight82 (just in case it decides to work, idk! If not I'll send it to you, too.)

[brella]

my sibling and i have been rewatching yj for whatever reason and feeling mad nostalgic. i cracked open spitfire ao3 and the first thing i saw that i wanted to read was the next great adventure - i got 1 paragraph in before double checking the authors name and started howling. you're the GOAT of the yj fandom i missed that shit so much dude you got me crying for artemis in 2024. thanks brella

HOWLS BACK AT YOU UNTIL WE HARMONIZE LIKE TWO WOLVES! i am so glad it can be there for you, still. just because i'm feeling wistful here's some lore about that first paragraph.

Wally's cell phone is deactivated a week after he's gone, and though Artemis has spent every one of those seven days sore with grief, it doesn't really hit her until then, when she calls it and the shrill error message cuts through her ear. (Instead of his voice—"Yo, you've reached the Wall-man, leave it at the beep and I'll get back to you in a flash. Shut up, Artemis; I’m hilarious!")

i did not really make this up. this happened to me. my dad died in july 2011. i started this fic in march 2013. my dad's cell phone stayed active a little longer than wally's. i called it every day, for as long as i could, just to listen to the voicemail. one day, i called, and all i got was the automated error message: that the number was no longer in service. that, i think, was when it really hit me that he was gone.

i poured a lot of what i was feeling back then into artemis. it wasn't one to one, of course. her loss would have been shaped so differently from mine. but there are parts i reread even now and recognize the shape of my 19-year-old self in.

She pulls brambles onto herself and bites her tongue and tastes metal in her heart, and on her teeth, and she forces herself to do all of her crying in six days so she can finish it, finish the rawness in her eyes and the swollen corners and the listlessness in her limbs. She doesn’t sleep.

that was me, that happened to me. i had brambles over me for a long time. for years i couldn't re-read the beginning of that fic, lol. it was too raw. but you inspired me to go back and look over it this morning and i'm feeling a lot of love in my heart. it's nice.

thanks for reading it and finding merit in it ten years on. <3

[physalian]

The Woes of Formatting

I am… 22 hours into formatting ENNS for print (now ebook) and am making this post for posterity’s sake to say: Formatting is so. Tedious. I had to start over thanks to Amazon going “ha you didn’t set your margins properly,” and also some last-minute changes to the text. Yesterday (7/24/24) after a full day of work, I worked on Book from 2:30pm to 11:30pm. Today is probably going to be about the same.

My neck hurts from staring at my monitor, my pinkie hurts from the strain of holding a computer mouse in one position since 6am. I have forgotten to cook lunch and dinner, but I did have breakfast.

It doesn’t even feel real yet. I am exhausted. But you know what feels great? Eliminating widows and orphans on the pages to erase the page count only by one. If you don’t know, those are the little hanging words on the bottom line of a paragraph or the top of a page that can be resized to fit on the line above it.

Getting to the last page of the chapter and realizing there’s only 3 or 4 lines of text left eating up an entire piece of paper, and then scrolling back through the chapter like a madwoman to nudge other paragraphs around to eliminate that extra page… I was literally cheering in my room in satisfaction.

For the record it shouldn’t take you this long, but I wanted it to be pretty, and Amazon is incredibly precise with their formatting requirements down to 0.001inches. So I had to reformat the cover art, which took a while. Then I had to fix the margins at least 3 times until no more errors showed up. Then I had to reread the entire book for last-minute changes. Then I had to format the chapter header pages.

Before that, though, I had to make the art for the chapter header pages. And re-learn how to do all of the formatting on InDesign.

So here I am, 22 hours in, finally onto the ebook that will be done tonight goddamn. And I just want to say, if it’s within your power to do as much of the work yourself as you can, fucking do it.

I’d be losing my mind with stress if I was waiting for a cover artist to make adjustments whenever they deigned to find my order a priority. Or the person I’d be paying to format this book. Losing. My. Mind. Maybe after the ridiculous goose chase I have been on with editors for this book has completely murdered my faith in paid beta readers to do shit in a timely manner (ENNS' first draft was written in 31 days, it took from 2/25/24 to 6/10 for my tiny army of betas and the AWOL failed betas to deliver, then 6 weeks for the professional copy edit). Anyway.

Yeah it’s taken me a long ass time, on top of two full corporate-nonsense workdays, but the satisfaction I have felt hammering this project out isn’t comparable to paying someone to do it for me. I got the manuscript back from my copy editor and I wasn’t excited, I was like “I needed this 10 days ago thanks” (in my head) and then got right back to work. Copy editor is necessary, don’t get me wrong, it’s absolutely necessary, but the catharsis that I have now was definitely absent then.

So. Yeah. This is rambly and I’m not sorry. Even after the ebook is up for preorder there’s still work to be done and money to be spent. But I’m forcing myself to take a break, pause, breathe, appreciate the work I have already done.

I am hours away from launching my first published novel. Hours.

It doesn’t feel real. August 25th, 2024, Eternal Night of the Northern Sky's official release date. Gahhhhhhh.

—

For anyone curious:

Cover was done in Photoshop (I have the Lightroom student package for $9.99/mo)

Formatting was done in InDesign (%#&%# $35.99/mo after 7 day trial choke on rocks, Adobe)

Formatting did not need to be done in ID, but other one-time fees were either more expensive when I can cancel my subscription after the month is up, or the free versions were too limited and constricting in their capabilities.

I’m far too nitpicky to not have complete creative freedom and control over my work, with all the hours I have put in. So Adobe it is.

Back to work!

[cerealandchoccymilk]

Trigun Bookclub: Trigun Vol.1, Chapter #04

previous | all | next

This was actually pretty much ready last night but I hit post limit. L

I'm doing a deep-read of the Japanese original print (reread) and Overhaul 1.0 (first read) side-by-side, and writing down everything I notice from small details, version differences, translation differences, etc. (and being so normal(<-lie) about my faves as always)

As always, here are the non-analysis panels of the babygirls (!!!!! this time with Milly my beloved)

And the rest is under the cut :)

[link for if the images aren’t in horizontal rows]

Not as many this chapter since it's sort of between arcs.

Starting off with how this exchange between this guy and the mailman was handled! Originally, the "Thanks / Anytime" part was one speech bubble and came from the long-haired guy. He says「はいよ　ご苦労さん」(smth like "Alright. Thanks for your work."), and the tiny speech bubble from the mailman is a shortened form of "Thank you for your constant patronage." Because the lines become a bit redundant in English, Overhaul combined the guy's lines, splie his speech bubble, and moved the mailman's line to a more visible location. Just a little translation/typesetting trick I thought was clever.

April City in Japanese was stylized to Ainpril City.

I lied in the last post. Vash's antennae are back up; it'll still be a bit until his bent antennae becomes permanent. I guess it was just his hairdo coming loose during the Nebraska commotion.

And more MillyMeryl manzai routines!! I love them

This is definitely me reading into it too much... but I like the contrast between the girls, who have a job but are broke, and Vash, who does fuck all and even refused $$700 thousand but properly has money for the sandsteamer fare.

Also, he has a cool cloak! I forgot about that.

Tonis!! (remembering what happened to him in Stampede...ough......)

This conversation about Vash just... makes me Feel some Feelings. His pacifism and sheer niceness lights up the whole town. man.

Tiny detail: Silvie had a ruby note saying "store owner."

ok i'm as upset about this as yall are about to be. i am so sorry.

「うーん　少うしもったいなかった　かな」 もったいない itself could!! mean "to be too good for smth" ("that was too good for me"), but here, used by itself with no additional context, it defaults to "wasteful" → "Maybe I missed out..." 😭 but we can ignore this. acespec Vash must prevail. i'm very sad about this too.

This does not mean the translation or the common Western interpretation of this is wrong!!!! But this is definitely the way Japanese readers interpret this line, and probably the meaning Nightow intended. If there was something like 僕には before the middle line, this would've definitely gone the acespec route. Implied subject/object is a bitch

But with your help, we can all just forget everything I just wrote here and pretend it never happened! Deal? Deal.

Vash's agony is represented with squiggles in this panel.

I didn't notice this until someone else mentioned it, but this is a Wolverine reference!

Translation error - This line is by Kaito (the boy), saying "That's gotta be from the second time!" pointing to when Vash stuck his head through the vent himself.

food service au canon real.

That’s it for Chapter #04! As always, the Japanese annotations are in the reblogs.

[teeth--thief]

Hi. Your previous anonymous speaker, again. I’m reading Midnight in Chernobyl, as I’m fortunate enough to have found a copy. Notes? Thoughts? Thank you, again. I liked your last reply much.

- R

Welcome back R, so glad to see you! I'm happy you liked my reply ♡! I shall continue replying for as long as you'll continue asking.

It's probably the best English language book about the disaster out there. As I've mentioned in my previous post, it does a great job showing the people involved as, well, people, which a lot of other books fail to do. It does repeat certain myths and misinformation, though, mainly when the source is Medvedev, so I guess that's on him. Everything is on him. We (me) hate Medvedev in this household.

> One of my least favourite things it repeats is that there was some kind of a disagreement in the control room. There were calm conversations and the closest thing to an "argument" was when, allegedly, Dyatlov snapped and told Akimov to hurry up because he was taking too long looking over the test program during the beginning of the shift. Nobody reported anything else - if they did, it would have most definitely been used against Dyatlov himself during the trial - and yet, seemingly neither Akimov's nor Toptunov's testimonies said anything about being forced to do anything or getting yelled at by the Deputy Chief Engineer.

It is unclear to me why this kind of narrative persisted even after people realised the operators weren't at fault and that Medvedev had it out for Dyatlov for some reason. Drama is what makes things interesting and it's easier to say "oh, well, the operators did not agree to XYZ, actually" when you don't want to blame them, I suppose. But you might as well be perfect obedient and be innocent and the same time - after all, it's not like any of them were exactly planning making the reactor go boom that night...

> It's not clear why there was a power drop to begin with. Higginbotham says that the SIUR "made a mistake", while Dyatlov and a few others say it was an equipment error. RBMK is a beast of a reactor, reportedly hard to control when the power is low and an inexperienced SIUR, which Toptunov was, would probably have problems keeping up with everything. If it was the case of the SIUR messing up, then it's not as simple as the author presents, you don't just miss one step and it all goes to shit, you actively have to not recognise and/or not be fast enough with your actions. But that's nitpicking, it's not that relevant.

> The fuel channel caps never jumped or at least were never actually SEEN by anyone to have been jumping, my god. Perevozchenko was in the control room when it was "going on". That Chernobyl Guy made a really good (and fun!) video on the topic if anyone's interested. Love that guy, he's doing a great job!

> I'm pretty sure that the description of the control rods and the positive scram effect (and the purely technical, nuclear bits) is not that accurate. I'm going to be very careful with both of these because pure physics is outside of my comfort zone and will actually recommend you do your own research on both of these, if you're interested, from the fear that I might start sounding like Medvedev (without proper education)

Other than that, it's really really good! It includes some relevant pictures, which is always nice (I'm looking at you, Kate Brown's book), it covers a great time duration - from before Prypiat to after Chernobyl. And the author interviewed a ton of people, we have to give him that.

All in all, I absolutely need to reread this book again because my memory of it is a little foggy and I'll report back to you in case something of importance will come up!