#started to miss my baby halfway through the post. oh im sad now

[unfortunately-obsessed]

Y'all give Miguel too many daughters, he needs to be a boy dad.

Yeah he would love his daughter wholeheartedly – maybe feel a little insecure because he doesn't want to feel like he's replacing Gabriella, and he isn't. But he would still would love the babygirl with all his heart.

Still. Miguel as a father of a babyboy. As a change. Miguel who pampers his son with kisses and gives him the attention and care he never received from his father.

Miguel who, nevertheless of gender, is always insecure about being a father because he grew up in an abusive house. His stepfather hated him. His bio father hated him.

But Miguel is especially shaken if his kid is a boy.

He tries to compensate by being physically and verbally affectionate. You think he would spoil his daughter? His babyboy is rotten from birth, can't look at something and it's already bought.

Just,,, Miguel loving his baby boy, adjusting to him. Kissing his little feet and cheeks and letting the boy chew on his fingers and arms. Blowing raspberries on the baby's belly and the laughter makes his heart all happy

[onthepyre]

willow

okokok this is long as FUCK but i finally wrote more about my original characters, willow and andie, who i first came up with long, long ago in a post called roadtrip (which is a bit out-of-whack with the new timeline).  this one mostly surrounds willow.  there will be more of them!!!

November 28, 2001

The operating room was nearly silent, save for heavy breathing from the woman on the table and pacing from the man across the room. He walked closer to the gaggle of doctors and nurses around the woman’s midsection, only to catch a glimpse of something he clearly didn’t want to see and walk away. The woman stretched out her hand.

“Dave,” she called. His head shot up and he ran to her.

“I’m here, Kim. It’s okay.” He grasped her frail hand in his. They sat for a bit, caught in a moment they’d remember for years.

The doctor lifted a screaming mass from Kim’s abdomen. “It’s a girl.”

The couple smiled at each other. The doctor placed the baby in her mother’s arms.

“She’s so tall,” Dave exclaimed. “Like a tree!”

“Be nice to your baby,” Kim scolded. “She’s just… willowy.”

“A little willow tree.”

“Willow.”

“I like it.”

——— 

April 17, 2007

Her parents thought they were being discreet, but she knew. She was young, but she noticed. She saw that they weren’t sleeping in the same bed anymore; she assumed it was because she was taking up too much space, but there were definitely monsters under her bed, so she had to sleep somewhere else. She noticed they didn’t kiss each other goodnight anymore, but decided they were just tired. She heard their whispered arguments. She didn’t have an explanation for that one.

She didn’t connect the dots until they sat her down on her monster-infested bed and softly explained that Mommy and Daddy didn’t love each other anymore. She could barely wrap her little mind around it. She could understand puzzles and adding and other very hard things, but mommies and daddies were supposed to love each other. That was a fact.

“Things are going to be different, honey,” her Daddy said. “Mommy and me will live in different houses now, but you’ll still get to see both of us.”

She stopped for a moment, then threw herself down onto her pillows and cried.

“But you can’t!” she wailed.

They glanced at each other. There was no way they couldn’t.

——— 

October 14, 2009 

The teacher stood at the front of the buzzing classroom. At her side was a girl with a pink backpack, a frilly dress, and a look of complete terror. The teacher asked the class to be quiet.

“We have a new student today, boys and girls!” She announced. “This is Andromeda.”

“You can call me Andie,” the girl whispered. The teacher nodded.

“Andie, then.” There were shouts from the class. One girl, the girl who was tall as a tree, was the loudest.

“That’s a boy’s name!” She jeered. “You’re a girl!”

“Willow,” the teacher said, “if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

“Anything at all!” Willow shouted. 

“Willow! I’m moving your car to yellow!”

“Wait, don’t! I’m sorry, Andie. I’ll be nice, Ms. Davis, I promise.”

But the damage was done.

——— 

May 29, 2013 

She took a shaky breath in. This was going to be hard and she knew it. She was used to thinking about her words, but she wasn’t used to meaning them, especially when it came to Andie. She hadn’t been openly mean since 3rd grade, but she still ignored any friendly advances. But there was Andie, oblivious to the regret in the other girl’s heart, and there she was, doing nothing to rebuild the burned bridges. She thought for just a second more, then caught the sad look in Andie’s eyes as she stared at the other kids, playing with their friends. This had to be done.

Andie glanced over the second she started moving. “What do you want, Willow?”

Willow paused, sarcastic remarks swirling in the back of her mind. Instead she said, “I’m sorry.”

They stared at each other. Willow could almost see the gears turning in Andie’s head, so she continued. “I know I was mean to you, but I don’t want to be mean anymore. We don’t have to be friends, but I don’t want you to hate me anymore.”

Andie considered for a second. “Okay,” she said.

“‘Okay’? That’s all?” 

“Yep.”

“Okay.”

——— 

December 9, 2014

She was lonely from the moment sixth grade started.  Some of her friends had moved schools, some had different classes, some had just stopped talking to her all together.  There were acquaintances and sort-of-friends, but nobody she really trusted.  Nobody who really cared.  

And then, halfway through seventh grade, as she sat on the cold ground at recess, Andie sat down next to her.  Without so much as a glance in her direction, Andie announced, “My dad died two days ago.”

She didn’t respond. She didn’t know how.

But Andie didn’t seem to notice.  “There was a wreck.  He hit a patch of black ice and spun into a tree.”  Andie looked over at her.  “Your parents are divorced, right?”  She nodded.  “Willow, is it bad that I’m okay?”

“What do you mean?”  Willow asked.

“It doesn’t hurt.  I’m sad, but I’m not grieving.  Maybe I will later, maybe I won’t.  But right now, I’m fine.” 

“I don’t remember anything before I turned six,” Willow said.  “That was when my mom got full custody.  I don’t remember my dad.  I’ve never missed him.”

Those few sentences should not have made Andie trust her.  They should not have been the foundation of a friendship.  But they did and they were. 

——— 

February 26, 2017

Her hands shook as she opened her messages.  She knew she’d be fine, that Andie wouldn’t be upset, but she couldn’t help being scared.  She closed her eyes, then started typing.

idk how to preface this but uh??? i think im bisexual

She placed her phone on the table in front of her.  She tapped her toe.  She glanced at the clock.  Her phone buzzed — a message back.

oh shit same

Then another message, seconds later, from Andie again.

was this not the time? sorry lmao

Her response was quick.

hey andie

hey willow

thanks

——— 

March 3, 2018 

She barely noticed the signs at first.  She paid little attention to the way her heart fluttered when she got a text from Andie.  She ignored the butterflies when Andie walked the room.  She hardly noticed how she got distracted by the way Andie said her name.

What finally got it through her thick skull was the time Andie grabbed her hand to show her something and she was so focused on her hand that she forgot to pay attention to what was being said.  It was obvious: she had a crush on Andie.

She spiralled fast.  Butterflies became daydreams became fantasies.  She went from occasional glances during classes to staring within weeks.  And Andie noticed.

“Earth to Willow?”  Andie waved her hand in front of Willow’s blank face.  “What do you think of this meme?”  

Startled out of her imagination, she blinked heavily.  “That’s funny,” she said, barely smiling.

“Are you okay?”  Andie asked.  “You’ve been really spacey lately.”

“Yeah.”  Willow ducked her head, trying to hide the blush she could feel creeping over her face.  “Yeah, I’m fine.”

[kurgy]

8 + 25 for the ask meme? Also didn’t know you knew Japanese, that’s cool!! 私は勉強して、でも下手です。来年上手になりたいですよ

一生懸命勉強する必要があります！私は素晴らしくはありませんが、簡単な会話や文章を理解できます

Game of the year?

def devil may cry 5

Best month for you this year?

even though we’re only halfway though december id still say its december, i love the holidays and the lights and music

Something that made you cry this year?

lots of things unfortunately 

Something you want to do again next year?

i wanna keep drawing, get better and get to a point where i can enjoy it like i used to

Talk about a new friend you made this year

(copypaste from other ask) i befriended a nice old man at the psych ward who was there for the same reason i was. we bonded over our pain and sadness and were able to support each other while we were there. he sat alone so i always moved to sit with him and we’d talk about our interests and our dogs. his name was robert and he told me to never be ashamed of my scars because although it hurt once theyre reminders that i survived through the most difficult times in my life. he told me about his mother and when she died of breast cancer, how much he missed her and wished he couldve understood her in her final moments and i shared with him the passing of my grandmother and we were able to make each other laugh

How was your birthday this year?

not great. no one showed up to see me

Favorite book you read this year?

asdfghjhgfds do fics count?? read a great shizuo/izaya fic called in any other name

What’s a bad habit you picked up this year?

eating disorder

Post a picture from the beginning of the year

it snowed for the first time in years in january!

Post a picture from the end of the year

arlo!

A memorable meal this year?

i unfortunately havent had a meal memorable enough to stop me from vomiting it up

What’re you excited about for next year?

my top surgery! im probably getting SSI and 5 years of back pay that im going to use to finally get my top surgery

What’s something you learned this year?

that bulimia sucks

What’s something new about your place of residence (room, home, or general location) now vs the start of the year?

i had to pack up everything at my old house and move back in with my mom, who is selling the house to my sister, and i had to completely rebuild an old car port into the room im currently living in

Favorite place you visited this year?

round 1

If you could send a message to yourself back on the first day of the year, what would it be?

see a goddamn doctor

Did you keep any New Year’s Resolutions?

i didnt really have one last year, so no

Did you create any characters (in games, art, or writing) this year? Describe one

oh boy did i. ill talk about my latest who was created just yesterday. his name is Jude, but people call him Judy. his hair is over 10 feet long, and he lives in an isolated stone manor in the forest, which he has lived in since he was a baby. heres a picture of him

(I JUST REALIZED YOU ONLY MEANT QUESTION 8 AND 25 NOT 8 THROUGH 25 SDFGHGFD SORRY i already typed it out tho so oh well)

[swearronchanel]

ALRIGHT HERE IT FINALLY IS; 6.03 by me

I apologize in advance: this will be lengthy  LONG AF, as it’ll be part-my thoughts watching live & part-post comments to certain thoughts

ALSO** DISCLAIMER** I SHOULD’VE SAID THIS A WHILE AGO BUT I’LL SAY IT NOW that I type my thoughts VERBATIM, which is why it’s never in essay format because eh, it’s not me. IT ALSO MEANS I CURSE A LOT IM SORRY IT JUST COMES OUT, I’M NOT ELOQUENT ENOUGH TO MAKE MY POINT WITH BETTER WORDS .. Anyway I shall begin, feel free to comment on anything *just don’t come @ me for literally just thinking something* 

Ready @flyingnonny, @marialujan22

Cute little community, alright let’s see what’s going down

Chinese laundry a little stereotypical but I get it

SHELAGH’S UNIFORM BARELY FIT HA AW

“dear Patrick!” Laura is so adorable I can’t

The smiles in the mirror!! *shit after I think about it, more parallels. Shelagh’s looked in the mirror in so many of her great scenes. Series 1! & 2! & was that 4 with the nurse’s uniform the first time! Ah my bby growing up 😭

Lol sister Ursula’s annoying ass still here .. not for LONG THOUGH😊

NO ONE INVITED U ALONG SIS

dead @ Patrick’s reaction, someone gif it

Her mother in law looks mean as hell

Is Lucy mixed?

ah yep called it. Damn deported? Too relevant today..

PHYLLIS

I just get so excited now I love her

Lmao remember when I legit didn’t like her because of her comments to Shelagh before she came back to nursing. DONT WORRY IM OVER THAT

Shelagh looks so pretty!! More of her in cute outfits with the hair down pls 😍

Here for her 1962 wardrobe

Lol lullaby type music what’s she pulling out

“Tempting fate” stop! No bby everything will be okay if not I’m losing my shit

Sister J & Shelagh moments are precious ** Ah you guys reminded me of again another parallel I’m so here for it.

But like if she’s almost halfway as sister j says, has she told everyone already? we shall see, or maybe it’ll be implied

Shelagh saying “WHAT?” is most of my internal monologue in just about all my classes

FUCK, SISTER URSULA ARE YOU FOR REAL

Phyllis’s hand raise tryna avoid actually saying “no offense” to Dr Turner is gold

UGH I CAND STAND THIS NUN UGH

I will bet all my the cash in my wallet (prob $30 at most) we’ll see a soft side to her and Ima still be like “adios puta”

Shelagh’s like “we have a game plan” aw she is pure gold, protect her at all costs what the hell!¡💖

Also if no one at nonnatus knows this could’ve been a perfect chance to tell them, or someone could’ve been eyeing her walking around the table and suspecting? Like Phyllis would notice, she knows everything

Shelagh looking at Patrick literally like “is this bitch serious??”

This isn’t Downton Abbey, I never hated a ‘main character’ (don’t come @ me I hated a few characters but still loved the show)

SISTER URSULA STRESSED? OH WELL

Yo did sister Julienne really not slide Shelagh a new uniform? She’s in a cute outfit but c'mon

Lol this lady knows she’s pregnant

Fred angrily spinning the wheel, I feel

DONT TOUCH THE ROLODEX

PHYLLIS COME AT HERRRRR

20 min visits, “OK”.

Oh no. I sense a sad story coming

Phyllis’s little run, precious

Sister Julienne spilling the tea, but again I don’t care about sister Ursula’s feelings or backstory

WAIT WHO CALLED A THREAT OF GETTING SHUT DOWN THOUGH? IT WASN’T ME BUT I REMEMBER READING IT? Lol score for u because I didn’t see this coming (even though I know damn well they’re not shutting down, like the show would be over)

PHYLLIS ANGRILY EATING IS ME

IDEALLY I’D WANNA SAY I’M TRIXIE BUT HONESTLY WHEN AM I NOT PHYLLIS

she’s my hero anyway, no disappointment

Angela is precious

Tim trying be funny lol but we actually hate sister Ursula

HA NO SQUIRRELS , WAIT so today literally a squirrel ran across the feet and I freaked out. My campus is full of squirrels but like I’m from NYC I don’t fuck with them.

Ok, A) Shelagh’s shoes kinda don’t match but I’ll let it go & 2) is it implied everyone @ nonnatus knows? Like how has she not had a checkup this whole time. I guess Patrick could but that’s doesn’t seem likely

Toad in the hole??  que eso?

I think I said the other day I think she’s watching tv somewhere

MAKE SISTER MJ RETIRE ?? UM HOW DARE U SAY A THING LIKE THAT

The table: *collective gasps* me: *LOUDER GASP*

EVERYONE WAS SHOOK WHEN SHE CALLED BARBARA A SLACKER

Why is babs taking it to heart? Like she sucks anyway

I love Phyllis damn it, not in a way I love Trixie and Shelagh though, it’s different I can’t explain it

I need Phyllis to encourage me to stay in university PLS (some one meet Linda Basset & send me a video of it)

Ah “delightful” screams. This show terrifies me to think about being pregnant one day lol. Like I thought my mother’s stories were bad enough but nah

Shelagh: *is frustrated* me: *gets frustrated* RELAX BBY

how did they really leave her alone, DAMN IT SISTER U, THIS THREATENED MISCARRIAGE WILL BE ON YOU

Also someone get her a new uniform she’s going to dirty her nice clothes

When did scrubs become a thing ?? my mother has like a zillion pairs & I can’t imagine her working in a dress all day. Omg I gotta find a picture one day from when she graduated nursing school she had such a similar style uniform to the nonnutans, I love it 😂

Patrick needs to put his damn finger down im tired of that shit. If he ever does it again with Shelagh I’ll flip a lid

Anyways..

Did she not want a girl?? @ in law

“no, a girls very special” aw

“MY WIFE IS SPREAD TOO THINLY” ha like on a cracker JK STOP STRESSING SHELAGH

“She wouldn’t appreciate the term Elderly primigravida” ha true man, remember she said that last series

lol I wanna see her reaction if they ever label her again

UM SIS YOU ARE TRYING TO STOP THEM FROM BEING COMPASSIONATE AND HELPFUL THOUGH?

get the fuck outta here, let them send sister MJ away I will revolt

Saw this scene haha, hope Ursula falls off

Damn came at Lucy, what’s wrong with Linda haha, that’s my gram’s name

She’s so chill about that, me? I wouldn’t let that go. I’m also so damn extra & annoying

“HELLS BELLS” Lmaoo

Not the same as Phyllis saying “Hells teeth” but that’s catchy

Also Patrick can’t type that’s funny

“mending your dress” FIRST OF ALL PATRICK, SHUT UP

YES SHELAGH TELL HIM

“Cool, calm, collected & professional” love her

SHE LAUGHED BUT CRINGED I NEED The GIF

You guys don’t understand, i need to screenshot a conversation with one of my friends. Her and I only ever use CtM screenshots for message reactions it’s so funny but also weird in a way😂 sometimes their cringes are better than basic memes

But to be honest they really have never fought? Lmao that moment could’ve been a little argument but they got over it too quick, bc/ how do they ALWAYS agree/get on? (Excluding the adoption issue but whatever)

Lol why did she have to get up, you get up Patrick

Her outfit is so cute !! My bby

AW!, they’re cute, I’ll forgive him

former nun sitting on a mans lap I love it!¡ without context it sounds funnier

“We’ll pull through, we always do” better be some foreshadow for something good!

I don’t think she has postpartum though

*SUCKS TEETH* UMM BABS not checking the baby is prob a bad move

Shelagh definitely has a baby bump at that angle, DOES EVERYONE KNOW or not WTF?

Bby you feel pain that’s not good u know this !

seriously does Barbara not see it

I’M MRS COLLIER OR WHATEVER BRINGING UP THE SUBJECT & BETTING ON IT

“Have you all been speculating?” HAHH

“Well I don’t approve of gambling on the premises” SHELAGH YOU ARE A GEM

seriously protect her at all costs, I know it’s coming but I don’t know when or how

ALSO THESE PATIENTS KNOW AND ARE ABOUT TO TELL EVERYONE THEY SEE, SO AGAIN, DO THEY KNOW @ NONNATUS?

shit they screaming, calm down ladies

“SPOILED UNGRATEFUL GIRL” SHIT SHE PLAYED HER

lol Patrick trying to play it all off like he’s calm, cool and collected

WHY IS THE INSPECTOR SHADY?

no one asked u to be honest keep it pushing

Also it’s 31 MINS IN & TRIXIE IS NOT HERE YET? like when is she coming? I’m less hopeful of her saving the day the more time goes bye :/

WHY IS THE BABY NOT BREATHING?

“how can you [maternity home] compete with that [hospital]?”

JUST WATCH

Don’t blame yourself Barbara :/

Again Shelagh’s having pain, it’s going to be soon isn’t it?

This better not be the heart to heart Laura mentioned ** ah we’re good it’s not

#SaveTheMaternityHome2k17

Shelagh is going to the bathroom OMG SHES GONNA BLEED NOW RIGHT

FUCK, SHE IS. MY BBY💔💔

DIOS MIO AYUDA ME

she’s so scared, I cry for her

“Hello nurse Crane, it’s Shelagh..” *omg she rarely introduces herself & even less as Shelagh & I feel no one calls her that but Sister J & Patrick?

PROTECT SHELAGH AT ALL COSTS

why St Cuthberts vs the London?

DOES THIS MEAN PHYLLIS KNOWS? I need answers

Phyllis being a badass simply walking down the hall

BEATRIX BBY💕💕

HERE SHE IS, LETS GET IT

I hope this baby lives omg

I mean baby Lin, baby Turner will happen

FUCK THE INSPECTION YOU’RE MORE IMPORTANT SHELAGH

THE MAGNIFICENT PHYLLIS CRANE

Shelagh in the hospital bed is breaking my heart I swear I don’t have

PHYLLIS IS GOING TO HANDLE SISTER URSULA & SAVE THE DAY

I wanted it to be Trixie but IM NOT MAD LETS GET IT PHYLLIS

ugh pls save the maternity home

my poor girl looking so sad **** also how did she get all her things on the table?

Give Laura Main every damn award this series, I don’t care if we’re only 3 episodes in.

Her bump looks more visible in the hospital gown? do you think it’s a pillow or something lol

TRAGIC BACKSTORY UNLOCKED

SHIT ITS SO SAD omg, I’m cryin

PHYLLIS FINALLY PRESSING SISTER URSULA, TELL HER

AW babs we all feel

Phyllis protecting Barbara aw

There’s not been as much Trixie as I had hoped 💔

But she’s back bitches and I’m happy I missed her

So Barbara smokes for real now, but Trixie doesn’t share her black cigarettes haha

Take your weak apology and go

I CALLED IT, DONT @ ME

I KNEW SISTER MJ WAS WATCHING TV SOMEWHERE

they put a bench out for her how sweet

Sister MJ saying “silence” then “shh it’s starting” is me every week watching this damn show

It hurts that I am so invested in this show

How did it happen I don’t know but I love it so much 

Barbara’s ring is pretty

All is well & everything is almost back to normal and lovely *for now*

Sister Julienne is so faithful, like I really would struggle to be so compassionate

Sister Ursula is upset and I’m awful because I do not care

I knew they’d show her vulnerable side so we’d change our minds but I can’t

Sister Julienne you’re so great

It wasn’t a leak??

YES SHE’S ALIVE

“I’m going to the mother house” *squees* YES ENJOY, THANK YOU FOR THE DISTRESS, PLEASE BE ON YOUR WAY

Sister Julienne don’t ask her to reconsider

This was a sweet moment but still don’t like Sister Ursula

AW SISTER MJ I LOVE YOU

she’s so pure, protect her!

Nice leaving the door open Sister Ursula

HATE THE CHARACTER, but you HAVE TO ADMIT HARRIET WALTER IS AN EXCELLENT ACTRESS

Phyllis driving her is only right

YES SISTER J IS BACK IN CHARGE

#LETS GET IT 1962

Trixie’s concerned, WHERE IS SISTER MARY CYNTHIA?? ** I really thought Trixie was going to play a bigger role in this episode & I thought this was going to be a longer scene but there’s 5 more episodes, I won’t complain I’ll just be patient. LOL JK UM when is Trixie going to get some time to shine

Oh Shelagh 💔

Aw the Chen’s

OKAY THEY’RE CELEBRATING & EVERYONE’S HAPPY BUT DO THEY NOT KNOW ABOUT SHELAGH? ** **I’m still not sure if they even know she’s expecting but why was Sister Julienne not told she was in the hospital? I know it happened fast but there was time. I don’t like how this played out like it seemed pushed aside but I guess that’s what next episode will address (I hope)

Otherwise, excellent as always

AH VANESSA REDGRAVE & THE NARRATION >>

“We are all traveling through one another’s countries but it is no matter if we meet as strangers, for we can join forces and learn to love..” ah this so applies today ugh the world is insane

BONUS: PREVIEW FOR NEXT WEEK

New midwife = Valerie’s coming back which is cool but also she’s going to be problematic so *hmm* maybe not

Fred and Violet are cute but still cringing & laughing about them in episode 1

“..The way the world treats women” MORE PHYLLIS BEING THE MAGNIFICENT GEM SHE IS, I AM EXCITED  

finding out Tom’s past will be interesting, I’m thinking his mom almost gave him away but then didn’t? probably was raised with out a dad maybe? We’ll see

“We were happy enough before and we’ll be happy again, whatever happens” I don’t freaking know if this is Patrick comforting or breaking but I’m going to BAWL NEXT WEEK. Shelagh’s face omg💔 I can’t take this like she’s been through so much! They’ve been through so much heartache, what more can they take. UGH WTF I feel like they never get to enjoy anything, & I know “that’s life” & “it’s a drama” or whatever you say but damn. I love this poor character so much (why?¿!) & she’s usually sad in every series !!

The End.🙃 it’s 1:52am, I should go to bed.