#started making a best girl list in the middle there lmao

[finalgirllx]

guitar teacher!ellie x smartass!reader thank you for all the meet-cute requests @thatdammchickennugget -- they are my absolute favorite and this one is a classic. i plopped a lot of my real life into this lmao. i kinda wanna do a spicy part 2 here. idk. we'll see!

you wait with bated breath inside the cramped, soundproof lesson room at your local music store, where you signed up on a whim to learn the guitar. it’s an impulse decision, really—all but doomed to be just another tick off the ever-expanding list of random cool skills you’ve tried. at the very least, you hope maybe you can whip this one out to “impress the ladies.” maybe even serenade them with some songs and actually sound good doing it—lord knows many have endured the clunky chords of a red hot chili peppers song from some mediocre man already.

you clutch your new guitar semi-awkwardly, plucking the strings and lightly tapping the cool basswood. you can tell that the tune is off, but damn if you know how to fix it. you wonder if you’ll abandon it after the first 40 minutes, just like most other hobbies you’ve sampled.

in your hasty decision-making, you hadn’t even requested a specific teacher. you’d only ever seen middle-aged men employed here, which is fine. you trust their experience, picturing some warm-hearted old rocker coming in and showing off his tried-and-true tricks. what you don’t expect, then, is when the door opens and a girl your age enters the room, extending her hand to shake yours.

“hi, my name is ellie. you’re the one here to learn guitar, right?”

you shake her hand, eyes glancing over her form, trying not to seem like a dumbfounded creep. jeez, she’s cute. she has reddish-brown hair in a choppy bob, freckled cheeks, green eyes, and a dorky smile. she’s adorned in a faded blue jacket rolled up to her elbows, revealing arm tattoos, and a ragged t-shirt with a band you’ve never heard of. and this is the cutie who will watch you fiddle with out-of-tune strings and act like a complete dumbass? you half hope the ground will swallow you whole.

“yeah,” you manage to reply once you remember how to speak. “that’s me. word of warning: i really don’t know what i’m doing, so i’m, like, a total beginner.”

ellie chuckles reassuringly, likely having heard that tired statement a million times over. she gently picks the guitar up from your lap, inspecting its quality. of course, in her hands, the instrument looks like it was made to be held by her. “hey, that’s fine. everyone starts somewhere, right?” she gets to tuning the strings as naturally as breathing.

“so, what’s got you interested in learning?” ellie suddenly asks, just to fill the dense silence of the room. your mouth runs dry, struggling with a response that doesn’t sound as idiotic as “i’m an obnoxious flirt.” she catches onto your fumbling, adding, “what? wanting to look like a badass guitar god, hm?”

“calling yourself a badass, then?” the tongue-in-cheek question escapes before you can rein it in. ellie pauses her tuning to look up at you, and your heart drops to your stomach. she’s going to kick you out, you reckon.

“i mean… you are staring at me with your mouth open. must be in awe of my guitarist badassery or something. i don’t mind,” ellie replies with a knowing, smug smile, then returns to helping your sorry ass tune up your guitar.

yep, you definitely need that hole in the ground right now.

after that rocky introduction, the lesson takes on a more professional atmosphere, with ellie explaining the basics. she teaches you about the body of the instrument, the strings, and some basic history—you name it, and she knows it. it’s clear that ellie is enthusiastic about the guitar, her interest rubbing off on you, which does not help your case with how cute you already find her.

you try your best to be a good student, which isn’t the energy you typically bring to all your other short-lived courses. there is something special about ellie’s passion—how her lips move as she speaks about it, how her eyes light up, her fingers curling against the strings while demonstrating songs—it compels your attention. you listen respectfully to the multitude of rambles she embarks on and cuts short whenever ellie realizes she has led you too astray from the basics.

at approximately the 38th minute of the 40-minute lesson, you realize that you haven’t attempted to actually play the damn thing. ellie must have come to the same realization, flashing a tilted smile, hoping you aren’t too annoyed that this instructional course devolved into a ted talk, a worry she couldn’t possibly be more wrong about.

ellie assists your clumsy self in positioning the guitar onto your lap, showing you how to hold it correctly. the closeness has your heart racing, and every touch sends shivers through you—you hope the internal gay panic doesn’t translate outwardly. ellie takes her time helping you press your fingers onto the correct strings and frets to play a simple “c chord.” her fingers guiding yours with such precision causes your thoughts to veer into thousands of inappropriate possibilities. the pose feels a tad contorted, your fingers placed in a way totally foreign to you, but her reassurance builds your confidence to try. she crouches before you, making final adjustments before her greens glance back up to you expectantly, waiting for you to try.

you strum the one chord—a passable sound that resonates throughout the guitar. it gets the job done but, of course, lacks the flow that ellie could have had. but ellie is proud, her genuine smile and silly applause flustering you.

you find yourself feeling more accomplished in this single instance than in the last three skills you’ve tried combined.

“good start, guitar god. i’ll show you another one—if you think you’ll stick to a second lesson,” ellie then suggests, an endearing smile on her face as she watches you absent-mindedly fiddle with the individual strings a bit more. an effective bargaining tactic for sure.

“yep, no problem.” easiest commitment you’ve ever made.

"hell yeah," ellie rejoices, reaching out one last time to high-five you. she looks delighted. just happy to have a new, consistent student, of course--that has to be it.

you sign up for another lesson after—and maybe another. and another.

[stu-dyingstudent]

Sakura fic recs: captured on a mission/mission gone wrong

Okay, I'm going to be completely honest with y'all, I'm really just recommending stuff by my favorite tropes lmao. Quite honestly, mission gone wrong just makes things so much more entertaining. Poor Sakura though, this girl just can't catch a damn break.

Now, I should point out that there are MANY Sakura fics out there were the mission goes wrong, but in this list I am only going to put ones where that is the primary focus of the series.

Started: 2024.07.23

Last Updated: 2024.07.25

note: feel free to check out my master list which has a bunch of Sakura Haruno fic recs (all organized)!

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Survival of the fittest - cywscross || ao3 || T || shikasaku || mission gone wrong || one shot

Sakura is thirteen, still a Genin, lost in the middle of Earth Country, lugging an unconscious Chuunin around, and so far beyond scared that she’s moved right on to pissed off.

Survival of the Fittest is a fabulous one-shot that follows the trouble that Sakura and Shikamaru find themselves in after accidentally landing themselves in Iwa. This story depicts the characters truthfully and fully conveys exactly how hopeless they feel in their situation. I highly recommend.

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The Ocean is Deep and Dark - Pleasedial123 || ao3 || M || captured || complete

Gato doesn't trust Zabuza to get the job done. Instead he sends a team of thugs to ambush the Bridge Builder on his return to Wave. Team Seven, exhausted from their fight and Kakashi still unconscious, is separated. Sakura gets captured.Terrible things happen to pretty girls in the hands of men like Gato and his thugs.But Zabuza puts his claim in first and suddenly Sakura isn't the prisoner of a civillian businessman and his hired muscle. Suddenly she's Momichi Zabuza's.

I won't lie, I have a soft spot for fics that take place during the land of waves arc, especially when they focus on Sakura's growth. I love how Zabuza was portrayed in this as although he wasn't necessarily a bad guy, he wasn't a good one either. He simply has morals. Sakura's fear in this is also quite raw and eye opening as it covers a theme that isn't ever covered in the original series. The reality is, the world is not kind to women, and a captured young female ninja is most certainly going to be at some untasteful risks. Oh, team 7's concern was also pretty touching ngl.

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With Every Beat - halfdemonfan || ffn || sasusaku || M || canon divergent || incomplete

Pain can come in various forms. Sakura had suffered all of them; but with the war raging on she found the torture would continue.

If I'm completely honest, With Every Beat probably isn't the best rec for this trope since from what I remember Sakura is not captured for too long. I never did get very far reading this so I don't have too much to say, but it takes place during the war arc and is an interesting take.

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Ripples - Yellow Mask || ffn || sasusaku || T || captured || complete

Following a botched mission, Sakura is made a slave by Sound, a position that could very well alter the future…especially concerning a certain familiar missing-nin.

Ripples is probably one of the og mission gone wrong/captured Sakura fics, as far as I am aware, but it's pretty good! On her way back from a mission, she manages to get captured and is taken to Orochimaru's hideout. Super interesting to see as Sasuke is still with the sanin at this time.

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The Pack Survives - ihopethelightwillshineupon || ao3 || team 7 || mission gone wrong || complete

When a simple C-rank mission turns into a straight-up nightmare, the members of Team Seven narrowly escape with their lives. They end up stuck in the middle of nowhere, each of them injured and forced to rely on one another for help.They’ve only been a team for a couple of weeks, still distant from one another, still trying hard to prove themselves. But when they’re all hurt and struggling desperately to survive, they have no choice but to lower their walls.Stranded far away from the village, Team Seven fights to get back home safely – but with help impossibly far away, with their food supplies shrinking and with their injuries slowing them down, their journey becomes more difficult with every step.In the wake of their struggle, though, their bonds grow steadily stronger.

Sakura is not the main character in this one as it it more focused on team 7 as a whole, but she still has some great development! Essentially, in typical team 7 fashion, they find themselves in a bit of a pickle during a mission and it results in some great bonding between them.

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An Inch of Gold - KuriQuinn || ffn || sasusaku || T || mission gone wrong - time travel AU || complete

Team 7 is sent on a mission to investigate a disturbance outside of the village, where they encounter an unconscious girl in a crater. The mysterious Sarada insists she's a shinobi from the Hidden Leaf trying to rescue her teammates. When the team discovers she possesses a Sharingan, things become even more unbelievable. [Part of the Legacy of Fire Series]

Somehow, the Boruto and Naruto timelines interconnect and Sarada literally falls into team 7's mission. Things only get worse from there. The writing captures the personalities of the characters so well and I'm a complete sucker for the whole Sarada meets Sakura and Sasuke trope!! Sasusaku is super cute in this (while being realistic) and I love how Kakashi is such a shipper. Also, this is a multiple perspective fic.

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Dirt and Ashes, or: The One-and-a-Half Body Problem - Tozette || captured || gen || M || canon divergent || complete

The invasion of Konoha during the chuunin exam didn't fail. Team seven is broken, people are dead, and Sakura is hurt and frightened and a very long way from home.Alternative summary: In which Sakura carries half of Hidan across two countries, leaving a trail of blood, bodies, and other people's legs.

This one is pretty gross tbh, but I highly recommend!

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Only a Crush by Gingersoup || ao3 || kakasaku || M || canon divergent || complete

It was supposed to be an easy, fun night out. She never intended to wake up in her sensei's bed, half-naked and with no memory of what happened the night before! As she tries to unravel the mystery of that night, something sinister is growing beyond the walls of the Leaf Village... and what was only a crush spirals wildly out of control.

I can't really say much without spoiling, but Sakura is unwillingly thrust into the world of illegal drugs, trafficking, and sex all while coming to terms with her new feelings regarding her former sensei. I typically don't like kakasaku, but I think this work is done tastefully well. The characters are both adults and the immorality of the relationship is not ignored, so be prepared for a lot of "we can't," "this is wrong," etc.. Anyway, Sakura is an absolute powerhouse and I thoroughly enjoyed the relationship between all of the different characters and villages!

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Got Nothing to Prove (but I'ma show you how I do) - GuardianMars || ao3 || gen || T || mission gone wrong || incomplete

Civilians and orphans are always used as cannon fodder. Sakura’s not sure where she first came by this phrase. Whether she heard it or read it, she can’t quite remember, but it stuck in her head and it stays in the back of her mind whenever Team 7 takes a mission. When Sakura and Tenten get placed on a temporary team looking into a series of kidnappings of local village girls, Sakura is naturally worried. She doesn't want to be cannon fodder. When the mission goes to pot, Sakura and Tenten find themselves far away from home and with only each other to rely on. As it turns out being cannon fodder is the least of their worries.

Genin Sakura and TenTen are sent on a mission due to their unimpressive lineage and things go wrong. This is a bit of a mystery where details of the mission are uncovered as the series progresses and is seen from the prospective of both the girls and their sensei's who are desperately trying to bring them back.

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The Storm Beneath - CrimsonEden || ao3 || gen || T || mission gone wrong || one-shot complete

Sakura skidded to a halt. “Sensei?” she choked out, voice raw and painful. Kakashi made no reply. His eyes stared desperately up at her, as if he thought that she was going to disappear if he looked away. One of his hands reached out slowly, like he wanted to touch her face, to check to see did she was really there. His eyes were glazed over and his chest was heaving from the force of his heavy breaths. She stood there frozen, unsure of what to say or do. How could things have gone so wrong? . . . . . A simple mission goes horribly wrong, and Team-7 finds themselves stuck in the wilderness injured and facing Kakashi’s past demons. POV Kakashi and Sakura.

Team 7's mission gone wrong not just lands them in a complete disaster physically and politically, but also uncovers some of Kakashi's trauma. Really well written and focuses a lot on the team bonding, primarily Sakura and Kakashi, which I love.

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Team Seven and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good Very Bad Roadtrip -Transformatron || ao3 || gen || T || captured || incomplete

No chakra. No allies. Captured by an unknown enemy a thousand miles from home, Team Seven must work together if they want to survive - which, if you ask Sakura, puts their life expectancy at approximately one week. If she’s feeling generous.

Team 7 is captured and the enemy is trying to get information out of them by any means possible. Follow them as they try to escape.

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final exams coming up! - waterpllar || ao3 || gen || M || captured || complete

Kakuzu can name numerous reasons why Hatake Kakashi could make him an excellent profit, most of which involve the numerous organizations he's sabotaged. Specific figures would certainly be willing to pay very well for free reign to relieve their violent frustrations on one of the most notorious jounin in the Bingo books. Such a business would only function with a healer on hand, but it just so happens that a vast majority of shinobi teams have a healer, and there is a pink-haired genin without a bloodline limit or bijuu on the team. What he did not anticipate is that the Copy-nin's teaching might be so remiss that he hadn't trained said genin in any iryo-ninjutsu whatsoever. Kakuzu does not like making oversights, and he decides to remedy this fact immediately (unluckily for sakura).

Kakuzu captured Sakura and Kakashi in an attempt to make money (of course) off of Kakashi's many enemies and Sakura is forced to learn medical ninjutsu in order to keep him alive. Although this is marked as complete and could be considered that to those who read it, the ending is not very conclusive tbh (I wanted more).

Edit: ok this actually just got updated even though it’s marked as complete, so ig it’s still ongoing?? Maybe???

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New Day Dawning - IncompleteSentanc (Erava) || ao3 || narusaku || T || captured || complete

One day, while visiting the grave of Nohara Rin, Obito stumbles across a young girl terrifyingly like her. He decides to ensure she doesn’t meet the same fate. As for Sakura? Sakura had no idea what she was awakening the day she went to visit her parents graves - but she never looked back. One way or another.(Feat. Sakura raised by Obito and the Akatsuki, and her eventual return to Konoha and all those she left behind)

Sakura is brainwashed and manipulated, but loved by notorious killers nonetheless. Incredibly well written and I won't lie when I say that the ending took me a bit by surprise.

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Your childhood home is just powder-white bones (and you'll never find your way back) - Dovey || ao3 || gen || M || captured || complete

Sasuke is not the only one who worries he's getting too comfortable in his genin life. Itachi decides to add another motivator to Sasuke's revenge plans by kidnapping the teammate who wasn't a charismatic Jinchuriki. Sakura is used to being an objective for those around her, not a person, but even for her this is a little much. In which Sakura is held captive and learns what a genjutsu specialist can do to a person's mind, that sharks can actually make great friends, joins a dying clan, and gets regifted multiple times before she's finally strong enough to fight back. *while this fic contains explicit and graphic torture, there's no sexual assault.

Okay, this was actually a really hard read for me. We truly see Sakura's decline in this as she slowly loses her mind and it is very frustrating to see what has happened to her. Nonetheless, it is extremely well written and great is you want something dark.

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Freedom in the Eyes of Another - Oroburos69 || ffn || gen || M || captured || complete

The Wave Mission was a failure. They got caught, captured, taken-it didn't end well. Now Sakura has a half-heard order, uncut fingernails, and more desperation than bravery. One way or another, she's getting Team Seven out today. Complete.

I actually can't believe that I forgot to add this the first time I wrote this list! Anyway, team 7 is captured on the mission to Wave and Sakura takes Kakashi's mumble and runs with it! Pretty interesting as we get some nice team bonding and there are some other popular character appearances too.

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Like always, please send me recs if you have any!

[lil-spider]

So Damn Pretty

Chapter 2

Part 1 : Part 3 :

Pairing: Johnny Slaughter X Female Reader

Summary: Johnny is sex starved and you’re very attractive, so attractive that he doesn’t want to kill you. Instead he finds ways to keep you around longer.

Note: Okey I’ve changed some stuff so here’s some context. I like the idea of Johnny being a bit of an sex addict and he’s really good at sex (he can find the clit type of good) cause he’s made himself a hobby fucking the pretty female victims and going out to the local bar when he actually gets free time. He’s a basically massive man whore, but he can’t help it that women find him sexy (super cocky). But Drayton later finds out he’s been fucking the food (lmao) and has temporarily banned him from going out by himself and keeping the female victims away from him. So a sex starved Johnny who’s heavily attracted to the reader sees an opportunity to use her like a maid so he can constantly keep fucking her. I’m still gonna keep the baby momma thing but that will come later in the story. Oh and I’m turning 21 on the 17th! So happy birthday to my fellow September babies!

Warning: This is 18+ and please do not read if your sensitive to heavy descriptions of non/con and violence. Including bondage, blood, gore, assault, objectification and unsafe sex. For those who don’t mind, I hope you enjoy.

Catchy music was blearing out of the front speakers of the minivan; my friends Jessica and Nate were singing along to the tunes. I was sitting in the back, relaxing into my seat, enjoying the fact that college was finished and summer holidays were just beginning. We decided this summer we were going to experience camping for the first time. We had all grown up in the city and never got the chance to enjoy the country side of Texas. I’m excited to finally cross camping off my bucket list, and make this summer memorable.

 

My bubbly blonde friend Jessica turned around in her seat. “Two hours left, and we should be at the campsite before night.” She said this, grinning at me and turning back to kiss her boyfriend, Nate, on the cheek. Nate, being the protective type, only tagged along with us as he didn’t like the idea of two ‘pretty girls’ camping by themselves in the middle of nowhere. They have only been dating for a few months; he’s the classic teen heartthrob with dazzling eyes and short, dark blonde hair, and Jessica is the overly cute blonde. They were perfect for each other. I smile at the both of them, they were great friends.

 

“Oh fuck!” Nate is panicking as black smoke starts coming out of the hood. He pulls over to the side of the road, and all of us get out to see what’s wrong. “Can’t it be fixed?” I ask, looking at Nate, worried. His face contorts in disappointment. “I've got no idea, Y/N; cars aren’t my speciality.”

We all look at each other, uncertain of what to do; we’re in the remote countryside without any sort of help. “We might have to walk back if no one drives by.” Nate tells us regretfully: But as soon as he said that, we saw an old blue Ford truck honking and driving up to us.

 

“You need a hand?” The unknown driver asked Nate. “Yes please! Our van just broke down with smoke coming out.” Nate explained to the man. He nods his head and parks his truck in front of us. The trucks door opens, and out climbs one of the best-looking guys I have ever seen. He wears a black sleeveless top that shows off his muscular arms and a pair of blue denim jeans paired with dirty yellow gloves. He has dark brown hair slicked back with a few strands falling over a scar; my cunt embarrassingly throbbed at the sight of him; I must have gone red in the face as he smirked looking at me. I quickly turned my head to look at Jessica, who was also a little red in the face. It’s not every day you see a hot country boy.

 

The handsome stranger introduces himself as Johnny Slaughter. “Good to meet you, Johnny. I’m Nate, over there is my girlfriend Jessica and my friend Y/N.” I did a little wave at my name, hoping I wasn’t still blushing. He shakes Nates hand and nods his head to us. “Ladies. Damn, he has a deep voice; it’s making me all hot and bothered. “Alrighty then Nate, pop the hood and let's take a look.”

 

Johnny stared at the engine, arms pressed against the van, leaning over while shaking his head. “I’m going to have to get my tools for this.” He said, looking over at us. ‘’Ah, shit! That bad?" Nate asked. “Yep, but don’t y’all worry, I’ll get this baby fixed in the morning. For now I can take you guys back to my family’s home, get some food, and sleep?’’ Johnny offered. “Wow, that’s so nice of you, Johnny.’’ Jessica replied, smiling at him, being a little too flirty.

 

I feel a little uncertain about trusting Johnny, we have only just met him; but he is helping us and I would rather not sleep on the side of the road. Jessica and I nod to Nate in agreement with Johnny’s offer. “Okay, yeah, we’ll go with you.’’ Nate tells him. He smiles, slamming the hood of the van back down, and turns, leading us back to his truck. He opens the back door, and we three slide in. As Johnny hops into the driver's seat, we are greeted by a woman sitting in the passenger seat. Was she here the whole time? “Hi y'all, I’m Sissy.’’ She introduces herself with a wink, but before we could reply, she blows this white powder in our faces. My vision starts to blur as I hear strangled coughing from my friends, and everything quickly goes black.

 

The next thing I know, I’m waking up tied to a meat hook, covered in dry blood, and desperate for freedom. At that time I had no idea where Jessica and Nate could be, but now as I stare at their lifeless, brutalised corpses, I regret not trying to find them. Jessica's blonde hair is tangled, and her body is covered in slices, with a massive cut on her stomach. Nate's handsome face was shredded up by a chainsaw. They are getting wrapped in a blue tarp, by a larger man with a very human like mask on his face. Johnny takes a drag of his cigarette while holding me, and he shoots me a grin, seeing my legs wobble from the hard fucking I endured. “You enjoyed that, didn’t you? So slutty having an orgasm while your friends get murdered.’’ He taunts quietly in my ear, guilt-tripping me.

 

“Johnny, why is she still alive?” Asked the small woman who blew white powder in my face. It’s Sissy, I think, trying to remember her name. “This pretty little thing is going to help us cook, clean, and do all the daily chores around the house. We’ve been needing extra hands around the farm since Ma is gone and Drayton busy with the chilli carnivals.’’ He explains to Sissy. She looks at me up and down, smirking. “Oh, I’ve been wantin’ some female company for ages now, and you're so beautiful too! I have these pretty ol’ dresses that would look lovely-,” she didn’t finish her sentence as she’s cut off by Johnny. “That’s enough, Sissy; you can talk to her later; we've got sh*t to do.’’ She rolls her eyes at him but goes to help the larger man.

 

Johnny pats the larger man on the back, “You did a good job, Bubba.’’ So Bubba is his name. He just lets out these happy groans. So he’s nonverbal?Johnny turns back to me. “Were you listening before? Tomorrow, Sissy will show you how things get done.” With a cig in his mouth, he grabs me again, pulling me out of the slaughterhouse and bringing me to his parked truck. “I’ll cut off the zip-tie when we get back home.’’ He opens the passenger-side door, waiting for me to hop in. He shuts the door after me and flicks away his burned-out cigarette, reaching in his back pocket for another one. Johnny walks away as Sissy plops into the back seat. “Hi again sugar.” She says gleefully behind me.

 

Johnny and Bubba walk back, carrying each body on their shoulders, I swallow a lump as they chuck the bodies carelessly in the tray. Johnny, with another cigarette in his mouth, gets into the driver's seat, Bubba sits next to Sissy. Johnny chucks his packet of smokes and bloodied gloves from his back pocket onto the dash. He starts up the engine and changes gears, leaving the slaughterhouse behind. The drive is silent except for Sissy’s humming; Bubba stares out of his window while Johnny drives one handed flicking his finished cigarette out the window. I look back to the front, watching the high beam lights brighten up the dark landscape.

 

We turn onto a long dirt road leading up to a white, two-story house. Johnny parks the truck at the front and helps Bubba unload the bodies. Sissy goes to unlock the front door, leaving me alone. I thought of running when they took the bodies into the house. But I’m still zip-tied, so my chances of escaping now are extremely slim.

 

Johnny comes back to open my door and yank me out. He roughly drags me inside. I look around and notice a lot of bone decor, similar to the hanging bones in the slaughterhouse. I really hope it’s not human. I’m brought downstairs to a basement, Johnny opens this metal door, it makes a loud awful sound. He takes me to a small prison; Johnny stops to cut off the zip-tie, and I rub my sore wrists, trying to bring the blood to flow back. Johnny pushes me into the room, locking the door. It’s smells disgusting and damp.

 

“I'll be back to bring ya’ dinner.’’ He leaves upstairs, slamming that awful metal door. I sit down on the dirt floor and bring my knees to my chest. Dried-up cum is all over my thighs, making me feel gross. I started to cry. The last few hours have been horrid. I wish it was just a nightmare. The basement door slides open again. Snivelling, I stand to see who's down here. It’s that large man with the mask, Bubba; he walks over to the end of the basement, where I see Jessica and Nate’s hanging bodies, stomachs sliced open with their organs dropped into a metal tub. My hands shake as I cover my mouth in shock. Oh God! Bubba unhooks Nate and carries him over to a workbench littered with dirty tools. He grabs a hacksaw and begins to dismember Nate. I walk backwards into a corner, sliding down the wall. I started to breakdown. Is he harvesting them? Are these murderers cannibals? God, why did this happen? From sheer exhaustion, I lean my head back and pass out.

 

“Hey! Wake up!’’ My eyes shot open, searching for the yelling voice. It’s Johnny; he’s holding a white bowl with a spoon. He crouch’s down to my level and hands out the bowl for me to take. I hesitate because I am sceptical of the ingredients. “It’s pot roast; Sissy made it.’’ It does smell delicious, but I don’t wanna eat it. “I’m not hungry,” I told him in defiance. His eye twitches in annoyance, not liking my response. He grabs my hair roughly, craning my neck to stare at him. “Listen, I’m being really fucking nice here, so I ain’t gonna take any disrespect! You may be pretty, but I can easily get another woman who is just a tad more obedient to replace you.’’ His threat worked. I snatched the bowl and dug in, It was tasty. “Good girl.’’ He smiled, patting my head as I ate. He waits until I’m finished and leaves. Did I eat someone? Will I have to eat my friends? I have so many questions but right now the only thing that matters is staying alive. I don’t want to end up like Jessica and Nate.

Sometime later, Johnny comes back to let me out. “Follow me," I obeyed him, leaving the basement and following upstairs. He brings me to a bathroom. It has white broken tiles, a large bathtub with a shower head. He locks the door after I enter and turns the water on, letting it heat up. He throws off his top, giving a new view of his muscular body. I couldn’t help but stare. He has old scars lingering over his body more noticeably on his large pecs, he’s has light definition on his abdomen, and a defined v-cut. His body represents the result of hard work. He smirks at my staring, continuing he unbuckles his jeans, pulling them down. I quickly glance wanting to get a good look at his cock. It’s only semi-hard yet it’s still intimidating, how did it managed to fit inside me?

 

Johnny doesn’t move as he waits for me to undress. Not wanting to anger him again, I take off my dress, dropping the tattered material. I shiver in my naked form. He gently takes my hand and helps me into the shower. I hiss as the hot water makes my cuts sting. He grabs a plain bar of soap and starts lathering it up and down my body. Enjoying my little gasps as he squeezes my tits and glides his hands everywhere. He swaps us around so he goes under the water, his muscles flex as he relaxes, his head falling back, closing his eyes, while his hands run through his dark hair.

 

I won’t lie; just the sight of him is turning me on. Shit, why does he have to be so sexy? A murderer shouldn’t be sexy. Startling me out of my thoughts, he grabs my hand that’s holding the soap and moves it to his body, wanting me to wash him. Nervous, I don’t refuse, but I start out slowly around his stomach, leading up to his chest. This small action makes him rock hard. I see it pulse against his lower stomach just above his belly button, I bite my tongue scrubbing his body with both hands, massaging his chest and arms, feeling his muscles. The hot look he gives me sends a throb straight to my core. Water gently running down his handsome face. He brings my right soapy hand down to his cock, tugging it. “Come on baby, jerk my fucking cock.’’ I hesitate for a second, he squeezes my hand hard as a slight warning not to disobey. Wincing, I start to tug at his cock up and down, jerking him off. Groaning, he rocks his hips, shifting them into my hand, following my rhythm. “Good girl, play with my cock, just like that’’ He’s a head taller then me so when he grabs my chin to look at him I have to bend my neck back. “I bet your pussy’s dripping.’’

 

He swats my hand away and grabs my hips, bringing me in closer under the water so the soap starts rinsing off. He places his fingers below and, feels up my pussy, “I fucking knew it; you're such a needy whore, getting wet from jerking my cock off.’’ I grow shy at his words, wanting to hide my face from embarrassment. Johnny places his hands on the sides of my head and shoves his tongue down my throat. Heavily aroused, I kissed back, holding on to his shoulders. We start making out, our hot tongues wrestling with each other. His strong arms pick me up and shove me against the shower wall. I wrap my legs around his waist for balance while he lines his cock up thrusting it in my cunt without warning. I groan at the sudden intrusion: “Shhh, it’ll only take a second.’’ He says impatiently pounding into me. His hard cock reaches new places, making me moan desperately. The running water muffles the sounds of flesh clapping together. He grips my hips hard as he thrusts upward at a brutal pace. This time only focusing on his own release.

 

He leans back to watch my chest bounce. “Fuck, I love your tits.’’ He says with admiration as he slows down to suckle on each nipple. His obsession with my breasts is going to be the end of me. I start getting closer again until he stops, suddenly cumming inside me. “Ah,’’ he lets out a little moan as he fills my throbbing cunt. I look at him in disappointment, I was so close to cumming. He grins playful at me. He places me down as we go back to washing, I silently fume as my pussy and clit pulse from neglect.

 

We dry ourselves, and he puts on new, clean clothes similar to his older ones, but the shirt is blue. He hands me a white summer dress. “One of Sissy’s.’�� He tells me, “any underwear?’’ I question. He just sends an amusing smile and shakes his head. “That's a privilege, sweetheart.’’ Great; it wouldn’t have been bad if the dress wasn’t so short. If I bend over too far, I’ll flash my goods.

 

Johnny leads away to what seems to be his room. Everything is old and wooden; including a worn-out bed barely big enough for two people. He lays down on it and pats his side, signalling me to sit. I lay down on his bed as he sits up going in between my legs, pushing up my new dress. “I like the easy access.’’ He tells me right before sucking on my swollen clit. “Nnnnh.’’ I moan breathlessly finally having some relief. His two middle fingers slide in and set a steady pace. I spread my legs wider for him, still turned on from the shower fuck. He shoves his tongue flat against my nub, licking it up and down. I push his head further into me, thrusting against his face; this spurs him on as his fingers speed up. I cum on his face, my head thrown back, as my hands grip the sheets tight. I rut into him as he licks up all my juices.

Just when I thought we were done he thrusts his fingers back into me. I try to close my legs and wiggle away from the overstimulation but Johnny forces them open. He lets out a deep chuckle at the tears rolling out my eyes, I clench on his thick fingers as he puts his thumb on my sensitive clit, rubbing it in slow circles. I still hold onto the sheets while lifting up my hips, trying to chase my second release. He hears my needy whines and speeds up, swapping to his other thumb to rub my clit faster while his opposite hand continues finger fucking me. “Fuck, Johnny please don’t stop.’’ I beg him as I cum around his fingers. I gasp at the abruptness of my second orgasm. My legs shake from the intensity. Johnny pulls his hands away from me as I turn to the side, squeezing my legs trying to relieve the sensations.

 

He casually stands up walking to the desk across the room grabbing a cig, lighting it. Cig in mouth he undresses, getting ready bed. I watch him smoke, flicking the ashes in a tray on the desk. When I finally calm down he’s finished the cigarette, he turns of a lamp comes to lay down behind me, getting comfortable. He wraps one arm around my waist and helps me take of my dress letting it drop to the floor, So both of us now naked. “I'll set up a room for you soon; for now, you’ll stay with me.’’ He speaks softly. I try to get comfortable on the small bed wiggling slightly. “You keep moving like that and I’m going to fuck you again.” He threatens squeezing me tight. I freeze, too sensitive to test his patience.

“Hey Johnny?” I gently whisper his name. The only response I get is snoring, now left with no distractions I go back to my thoughts. I feel guilty knowing I’ve been enjoying Johnny’s company too much, I shouldn’t feel this comfortable with him but the more he cuddles into me the more my eyes feel heavy, I start to fall sound asleep in the arms of a killer.

[mermaidsirennikita]

What are your favorite Scottish historicals?

I recently did a recommendation list on Instagram!

However! To get more detailed...

My favorite Scottish romance novels as a collective are probably the first four Mackenzie books in Jennifer Ashley's Mackenzies & McBrides series (listed in order of publication, would recommend reading in order, they're all bangers):

The Madness of Lord Ian Mackenzie. This one is famous for featuring an autistic hero (ahead of its time) who ends up basically asking the heroine, a widow who's recently come into some money, to have an affair with him after he warns her off of marrying a tool. It's supposed to be this purely physical thing, but it gets deeper (... as does he ...) while also introducing his somewhat insane family.

Lady Isabella's Scandalous Marriage. The artistic brother decides to win his wife (who's been estranged from him for three years) back. It's a great example of a marriage in trouble book, where there are several reasons they broke up but most of them lead back to him just not being ready to be a good partner for her. And he has to prove that he's learned!!!

The Many Sins of Lord Cameron. The single dad brother sets out to solve a Mystery with this widow he had a near-thing with years ago, and they end up starting an affair, but his emotional wounds from his first marriage haunt the relationship.

The Duke's Perfect Wife. An all time favorite of mine, the asshole oldest brother mega alpha everyone hates ends up running into his ex-fiancee again... after which he's like "I am remarrying and it's gonna be her" (he got married briefly after they broke up, it's part of his tragic backstory)... and also she's a girl reporter and approaches him like "Oh hey, an anonymous person is sending me nude photos of you and it could ruin your political career :D". A FABULOUS second chance romance with two leads in their thirties (harder to find in a historical than you'd think), tons of passion, and the zaniness I want from this series. Jennifer Ashley excels at making you believe her couples are perfect for each other, and this one is the best in that realm to me.

I've read the subsequent books in the series, up to book #8, and I'd also recommend Rules for a Proper Governess (a stern lawyer takes on a street urchin who's recently started stalking him as his governess because she's the only one who can wrangle his two kids, and workplace harassment ensues) and The Stolen Mackenzie Bride (throws back to the ancestral generation, takes place during the Jacobite Rebellion, love at first sight between the rakish youngest Mackenzie brother and an Englishwoman engaged to another man, very star-crossed).

I also love Monica McCarty's Highland Guard series, which is a medieval Scottish series about Robert the Bruce assembling a group of dudes with Special Skills. Favorites include:

The Chief. The stern leader of the group ends up being tricked into marrying a woman he didn't want to marry for political purposes, is emotionally withholding but sloooowly falling in love. Also he has two kids from his first marriage that we NEVER SEE, which I found hilarious.

The Hawk. The rakish seafaring pirate-y one picks an Irish noblewoman out of the water and is like "Welp, I guess we have this random girl now". She's uptight, he's wild and incapable of committing, he bangs her on a raft in the middle of a storm to soothe her lmao

The Ranger. The one with insane sixth sense powers ends up undercover behind enemy lines (the enemy also being the man who killed his father) and ends up falling for said enemy's daughter

The Viper. The grouchy one with Woman Trauma ends up on a journey with a woman he has Mad Beef with, hate turns to love...

The Recruit. The New Guy sleeps with the woman he was supposed to marry, but he didn't know it was her and he basically said he'd keep sleeping with her after he married, and she went "you shall not cheat on me with me" and dipped. A few months later, they run into each other again. He realizes she's pregnant, he won't have any kid of his be a bastard, he forces her to marry him lmao

When a Scot Ties the Knot by Tessa Dare is obviously a classic that everyone should read, includes accidentally making up a fiance who is real and being forced to handfast with him. Also romantic lobsters.

Maya Banks writes really good medieval Scottish books. I've only read a couple so, but I really loved Never Seduce a Scot, which has an arranged marriage situation between two people from rival houses... But the hero doesn't realize the heroine is deaf, which makes him worried about taking advantage of her. She's determined to make it clear that he is NOT.

Elisa Braden's Midnight in Scotland series is really fun if you want a pure romp! I also loved When a Girl Loves an Earl, which is about a zany heroine tricking the big Scottish hero into marrying her lmao. And he's covered up his Scottish accent after years of being Englishified (it's an issue the book touches upon nicely, I think) so she doesn't even realize he's Scottish until he's taking her TO SCOTLAND.

But yeah, otherwise definitely check out that post!

[query-quadrant]

AVICE NEEDED !!!!11!!!!!!11!!

HELP!!! HOW2 ??? ASK SOMEONE OUT PITCH ??//?? NEED GOOD ROMANTIC GESTURE SO THEY KNOW I AM SERIOUS ABOUT THEM

BEST MOST ROMANTIC WAY YO ASK SOMEONE OUT AS KISMESES: ??!??/

ok im gonna start this off with a warning dont start shit off with a bang if you cant keep up that momentum

not to be all sparkly spade emoji vitriol emoji sparkly spade emoji on you but the most over the top romantic way ive ever been asked out is when grey sent me that insane hate letter virus thing and that idiot could NOT keep it going really set himself up for failure there

if you start shit off with a grand romantic gesture you gotta be prepared to keep that energy going 

but anyway here

dubiously good ideas: 

1. once asked a dude out by pouring bleach out in his lawn ring in the shape of a spade so it killed all the grass it was really funny and was stuck like that till it grew back lmao dude got a lot of questions about it

2. one of my best friends got a bunch of calligraphy supplies and ye old ink and a quill and wrote a very fancy looking list of all the things wrong with the girl she sent it to like it looked fancy but the actual letter wasnt it was mostly swear words and shit like “thats why youre so fucking stupid youre a freak youre a freak and your clothes are ugly" and sealed it in a fancy envelope with a wax seal and everything and like a kiss mark on the envelope with her best lipstick it was really funny

3. ok this ones gonna be long and really fucking abnormal but lets be serious here if you actually need something big and grand and unique and dont wanna ask them out normal style and also im not just yapping at you and regurgitating shit i already did or a friend of mine did or that you can find in a list online already like "buy them dead flowers teehee and make them a ransom note winky face kissy emoji five exclamation points" then i mean obviously doing something personal is best i mean grey and i have the internet feud thing going on so tech based shit is it but for you your rivalry is probably based on something else doing something rooted in thats sappy and stupid and sparkly spade gif for real

what i mean is pick something you both already compete in and do it way better than they can or make it a custom challenge for them and mix your confession into it like the stupid virus i got

if you both do baking do something really difficult and annoying or time consuming that you know they cant in the shape of a middle finger 

mod a game or just boot up marioh maker and make them a stupidly hard but also well built custom troll level and hide the confession at the end 

write a custom flarp thing and when you beat their ass have your big evil character monologue be the confession 

a whole custom pitch themed escape room could be really funny if youre rich or have the right friends 

or who knows whatever it really depends on what youre into some of these are insane and embarrassing as fuck but if it works for you it works

oh man this shit got away from me lmao but basically do something specific to your rivalry that says im challenging you im better than you and i want you idk why i didnt just say that youre not dumb you dont need examples anyway

finally heres bad advice youre here for that shit probably lets go bad advice: 

1. ok i have a new idea thats going to totally revolutionize the pitch dating sphere what if instead of asking people out pitchways you try and have the worst possible confession in a different quadrant possible just really shitty awkward insulting badly timed the works 

see if you can piss them off enough with it that they just have to have you as their kismesis its called reverse psychology its very smart and sophisticated and could never go wrong

2. you can always kill their lusus killing their lusus is totally not famous for almost always backfiring and only working in insane romance novels and really shitty movies dont worry about it

3. steal a confession from a fanfic make sure its from a fandom theyre into so you can recommend them that same fanfic later

3. ask them for advice on how to ask people out pitchways and do exactly that 

wait ok actually that one could be good thats hilarious never mind put that on the good list i mean its not romantic but it could be so funny if you did it right

[chryblossomjjk]

bts fic recommendations | 01.10.23

→ hi friends! this is a little segment i do every tuesday (reviewsday get it, aren't i funny, pls tell me how funny i am) where i read and review two-three fics. as a content creator, i know how big of a role other creators play in your growth, therefore, i want to do my part in making sure everyone gets the recognition they deserve! so with that being said, please check out the amazing fics listed below. make sure to like, reblog, and leave feedback! ♡ #reviewsday #kikirecs

pina coladas (pt 1 + pt 2) - @han-nah-banana (jjk x reader | established relationship, smut, angst, fluff)

ok so um... the attention to detail is off the charts! like when the little things you mention about jungkook and oc, like them eating healthy foods, only having sex in the missionary position, etc. tells us so much about them and the status of their relationship. like you showed us that they were stuck in a boring, mundane relationship through little hints and i really love that. ALSO POV SHIFT IN PART ONE WAS SO GOOD! like the way their thoughts mirrored one another was such good storytelling ugh!!! also think you picked a great setting for this type of story, the 80s. it makes everything feel so real, like the sexual repression oof! so glad they got to bang it out in the sexiest way in pt 2! really really good for your first fanfic like WOW! loved it!

i can do better - @here4btsfics (pjm x reader | fwb, smut)

summary: your boyfriend of two years just dumped you and you’re angry and sad. so get hammered with your coworker at his place and eat bad food and watch trash tv which leads to some interesting conversations.

bro all you did is enforce my delusions that irl men cannot compete bc they are not park jimin. men should apologize for not being park jimin at this point. even kim taehyung... anywho lmao. DUDE and then oc listing all the things perfect about jimin. she is just like me fr!!! also like this is kind of how i picture jimin in real life ngl. THAT MAN IS A COCKY CONFIDENT DOM I WILL ARGUE THIS SHIT UNTIL IM BLUE IN THE FACE GTFO! and miss oc... no strings attached girl??? A WHOLE BLUFF. honestly, this entire fic is one of my daydreams when im in a lecture and i fucking loved every second of it bby! so so good. so glad you decided to start writing again, extremely proud of you.

darksided - @eoieopda (myg x reader | established relationship, smut)

summary: min yoongi adored you. he'd simply never hurt you.

i saw someone post about smut where the characters are so grossly in love is their fav genre. this is exactly that. this fic encompasses everything i love in fanfic. i felt like a fly on the wall, being dropped into the middle of the situation where i figure out who the characters are through their actions, words, etc. you do that so perfectly here. like the way i know everything i need to know about min yoongi through the FUCKING setting?? naur this is s tier writing right here. also there's just something you do with words thats v magical. can't put my finger on exactly what it is but here is an example:

"a quick survey of the landscape before you indicated that this was a criminal oversimplification."

LIKE IDK JUST SOMETHING ABOUT HOW YOU STRUCTURE SENTENCES IS GENIUS! like cannot even begin to describe how good this was. would die for this couple honestly. the smut had me clenching too OOF. so cool to see what you've accomplished on this platform in such a short period of time! it's so so deserved and i can't wait to see where you go from here. don't know how you can even get better than this like ur already at the moon um!!! but god it's only going to get better from here. like next thing u know u'll be a famous writer fr. wishing you nothing but the fucking best!!!!

[carmenized-onions]

I’ve been thinking about rereading the series and actually writing in to you for each chapter. Most times when you drop I’m reading it at like 1 am cause I have no impulse control and I’m feeling like I need to get back to it with fresh eyes.

I think I’ve only written in for one, two maybe? I honestly can’t remember, but I love it and you deserve all the praise. I know constructive criticism is important, but I can’t bring myself to find things that I don’t agree with.

Also, not me taking therapy advice from tumblr- like, what?!👀

I’ve been reading Running On Empty (and by reading I mean listening to the audiobook while I’m cooking dinner🙃) and I’m learning a lot. I’m the middle child and only daughter in a very dysfunctional boy family so I have actually found the recommendation helpful and I look forward to reading the others. Thanks, Dr. CO🫡

I don’t think I registered how much your story has creeped into my waking life until I found myself in the deodorant isle at target reaching for the Bearglove. The curiosity took over.😭 I am an Old Spice girl, but I’ve always done Timber w/ sandlewood or Oasis w/ vanilla notes. (If that says smth bad about me, sorry. I feel like I’m failing a personality quiz.) Anyway, you got me there. I think reading it right before bed has caused it to seep into my subconscious. And Wolfthorn- I can totally see it.😂

I know people normally send in memes for the story, but I did see this and think of you lmao

This is how I picture you in your time away.

I’m excitedly waiting for your next chapter and I can’t wait to start the reread.

I know you’ve had some transitions going on. I’m wishing you all the best and I hope you’re taking time to yourself to enjoy it!

- Elli🌿

This is so goddamn sweet. First of all. That's all I gotta say SO SWEET!! Before I get ahead of myself, I must reply to things in order so my brain doesn't nix something.

First of all: I'm not going to pretend I wouldn't love a reread and getting your thoughts-- I love your analysis! love your takes! i love everyones takes but yknow. i love your takes!! I'd also say, honestly-- I think after Chapter 13, re-reading is very fun because there's little bits that with the flashback in mind really make them hit a LOT harder!! hehehehehe

And listen critique is important and I myself have found a bunch of grammar errors/timeline errors that I will have to edit upon the series finishing but FOR NOW! WE WILL SIMPLY JUST ENJOY MY STUPID MEDIA CONTENT.

THE IDEA of someone taking anything from my little fic really means so much. Some of my favourites Qs are what's the rosemary water recipe? curly hair routine? etc etc. I'm happy to add books to the self-help list. CO IS A FUN NICKNAME IT TOOK ME A SECOND! I was like am i... a commanding officer? Yes. Yes I am. no i'm Carmenized Onions.

As the youngest daughter of an all boy family (and I mean. All boy. Cousins. All boys.) getting hit with the Running on Empty + It Didn't Start With You recc from my real doctor? Murdered. (I CAME IN THAT DAY TO ASK FOR MEDICATION ADVICE ON MY MIGRAINES BRO... WHAT!!!) I have also been listening to Running on Empty and yet to start It Didn't Start With You, but I'm sure it'll fucking kill me.

It's the little things,,,, it's the little things of creeping into the lives of strangers via changing their hair routines and giving them book reccs and making them feel like i am haunting them while they pick out deodorant.

TIMBER AND/OR OASIS ARE ALSO GOOD!! The wolfthorn thing comes from my real life of every real lesbian I know using it, however I think it got discontinued in some countries? Fucked up if true. Bearglove I had to do for Carmen because it's fucking Bearglove but the notes did seem like it would smell good. If you got it let me know if it is to your taste I'm curious.

that IS me! that's me on the fuckin subway absolutely dissapearing on my commute in my mind, making edits on the train.

Which speaking of, can I be so fuckin forreal? i'm struggling sm with this next chapter man i'm dying. no one volunteer but this onion might have to accept defeat and look for beta readers i'm fucking IN HELL!!!

it's probably just the massive life transitions talking. Life wise I'm doing great! Finally finished setting up/decorating/unpacking my room. I've got two roommates (my dear friends) and a cat, and this is the first time we've had SO much living space room, so we're slowly figuring all that tf out.

Who knows where to get a good kitchen island that isn't 600 dollars please. girl please. ikea failed me for the first time baby please.

again this was so so so so sweet and I can't wait to see thoughts pour in should they come should you choose to reread!! fuck it, WIP for u:

what the hell are they talking about!!!! LOVE YOU BYE!

[tame-a-messenger]

(Warning: the last couple times I tried to do a separate paragraph it somehow condensed into one paragraph when you posted it for some reason so I apologize in advance for what might end up being a huge wall of text lol)

Omg my top five starkid musicals?? That’s so hard 😭 I definitely don’t have a set ranking so these won’t be in order just general top five.

Obviously I have to have AVPM in there. I mean it’s a classic and was the show that introduced me to Starkid when I was a big Harry Potter fan and found this show. I was obsessed with the Very Potter Trilogy in middle school and would listen to the soundtrack every day while getting ready for school lmao. Honestly if I could put all three in my top five I would (like Coolest Girl helped me get more confidence and is so important to me) but I gotta save some room for other shows cuz they’re all amazing. But AVPM gave us “Hufflepuff’s are particularly good finders” and Quirrelmort and that alone is enough to put it in the top five (not even counting all the other iconic parts of the show)

Maybe an unpopular opinion but Holy Musical Batman is definitely in my top five. Idk what it is but I just love that show. The puns, the costumes, Nick Lang acting, Joe walker (I miss him ok), Jeff Blim debut in arguably one of his best roles? It’s all SO good. Also the opening number is *chef’s kiss* like Dylan didn’t need to go that hard. ALSO THE ACAPELLA SECTION IN DARK SAD LONELY KNIGHT?! It’s amazing. Anyway I love that silly little show.

Maybe it’s recency bias but I love NPMD. I literally have the soundtrack on repeat. One of the best StarKid soundtracks FOR SURE. The show is just so funny and has good characters and has amazing songs what more can I say? Also Angela as Grace is a standout

Idk if this counts since it’s shorter and not written by the Lang bros but A VHS Christmas Carol is so special to me so it’s in my top five. I love the 80s soundtrack (lowkey Clark’s best work) and vibes in general. I also love how we get to see some older Starkids who aren’t in the current stuff anymore again. I literally screamed (ok maybe not literally but internally I screamed and freaked out lol) when I saw the video announcing the cast for the first time bc omg my favs are returning!! Also I am obsessed with Brian and Lauren as a duo (SIBLINGS) so seeing them actually play siblings and the little spin hug they did just warmed my heart.

Honestly for fifth it’d probably be whichever I watch most recently bc they’re all so good and I can’t decide so I’ll at least say tie between Trail to Oregon and Black Friday. They’re both so good but so different so it’s hard for me to decide but I love them both. OMG AND TWISTED!! Bro I literally can’t pick a fifth they’re all so good 😭

THIS IS WHAT I WAS SAYING!!! ITS SO HARD TO CHOOSE!!

I feel like anybody that like Starkid has to have AVPM in the top 5, it’s usually the first introduction to them! 

You’re making me want to push Holy Musical Batman further up on my catch-up to Starkid musicals! I skimmed it a while ago and it didn’t grab me so I watched something else, BUT IT SOUNDS SO GOOD WITH HOW YOU PITCHED IT? It’s next on my list for sure!

NPMD really is pretty killer, I LOVE the music! I put it on some playlists and everything! from Lauren's solo to Grace’s “bully/Bury the bully” THE INTRO?! JON MATTESON !!! “I’M NOT A LOSER!” LIKE DUDE?!

moving on

GOSHDAMN ANOTHER ONE I HAVENT SEEN! VHS Christmas Carol! I ALSO skimmed this one and didn’t finish it! I’ve really gotta start watching stuff! You make it sound so GOOD!

RIGHT ITS SO HARD TO CHOOSE. I’ll agree to have all Starkid musicals as our #1 beside “me and my dick”. 

[thegeminisage]

tng night the second: naked now and code of honor. verdict: oh man.

really excited initially about a sequel to naked time, easily among the best ever tos episodes. but this is too early! even in tos we'd gotten a short time to know them as they are normally before they did All Of That

also this episode was. uh. not great. for starters, the inhibitions being lowered in meant different things to everyone...except the women. ALL THREE major female characters instantly turned into boy crazy sex fiends, which is particularly tragic for tasha bc she has major lesbian swag.

wesley continued to be annoying in this episode. i want to like him because he seems like a nice and eager kid (even if it is still fucking bonkers to me that kids are allowed on a starship), but the problem is he'll do some stupid bullshit that kids are wont to do and instead of like mothering him at all crusher IMMEDIATELY begins making excuses for him and getting defensive if anybody says anything to him. so also i realized i do kind of like crusher, especially when she gives picard shit, except every time she starts to grow on me she just lets wesley do whatever he wants and the i'm like :| again

also, what is UP with tasha yar. RAPE GANGS??? she just drops that into casual conversation while trying to fuck an android?? hello?????

lmao that data fucks also. i'm so glad actually. love and light it's so hard when people make androids asexual. i'm never opposed to any ace headcanon ever they're all fundamentally correct every fictional character IS ace so true but cmon. a robot??? it's better this way. good for him.

also, why did crusher get infected AFTER riker but succumb before him?? like are women just that weak lmao

perhaps the most interesting character in naked now was geordi, who got absolutely no resolution to the interesting setup they gave him, which is pretending he's satisfied with the way things are re: his vision and the prosthetic he uses, and then revealing that perhaps he's actually secretly not. that was neat. every time he's onscreen i'm like "i'd like to know more about that guy" and every time they're like "no <3"

code of honor was somehow even WORSE. apart from like. the obvious sexism and racism. we also had tasha yar once again being like "oooh i would love this big savage black man to ravish me that did make me feel so sexy" which. what the FUCK

AND ALSO a scene with crusher that annoyed me, because she went from "oh why can't i as a doctor show professionalism" (she's a woman) and then also in the middle of the crisis "can i bother you to let my son on the bridge even though he's a child i speak As A Mother (woman)" like girl...ik you love your son but he doesn't need free roam of a fucking starship. he is a baby. he needs to be in class. this was crusher's only scene in the entire episode btw she quite literally had 8 lines and they were all about how much of a woman she was.

i just feel like if we are going to do this to women we should go back to not having them. like shadowhunters. if you can't treat those ladies properly you have to put them back on the shelf until you're a grown-up.

we looked up a few skip/watch lists but none of them agree with each other. i'm too paranoid about missing vital info/context and i wanna see them all anyway even the bad ones but like...this is ROUGH. i know i know i KNOW it is going to get so, so much better. but good god.

[infinitelytheheartexpands]

since i am at home and have access to my yearbooks, it is now time for the roundup of “some of my favorite quotes from people’s yearbook signatures”, a non-exhaustive list:

2010-11 (3rd grade):

-“have a great summer savvanah”—kid in my class who spelled my name wrong lmao

2011-12 (4th grade):

-“your the most legendary person i have ever met”—one of my besties to this day

2012-13 (5th grade):

-“when the world looks down on you, give them 5 and a half reasons to look up at you. you are brilliant. you are a good person. never lose that. never stop dominating.” —one of the then-high school juniors for some reason (i got signatures and messages from SEVERAL juniors and seniors that year for some reason lmao)

-“too bad”—a kid in my class

*could not find 2013-14 :(*

2014-15 (7th grade):

-“stay cool and rock on with those dance moves and work on skating”—another kid who was in our production of xanadu, where i successfully campaigned with the director to not make everyone rollerskate because some of us (myself included) could not rollerskate

-“the cat whiskers come from within”—a girl in the grade below me with whom i am still buddies

-“you are the smartest person i know and don’t let anyone take that away from you”—my now IRL best friend, the first year after he moved to our school, and this was even though at the time we were in the middle of an INTENSE academic rivalry that put a damper on our friendship for a while

2015-16 (8th grade):

-every single kid who wrote HAGS!!! (have a great summer) because it’s funny <3

-“you have been happy when i have been sad so uh…thanks for always cheering me up with just a smile”—a kid in the grade below me

-“savannah, it is really fun having you in the class and i hope we got the party started for you every english class!”—the same kid who spelled my name wrong in 3rd grade; every day at the start of english class i’d say “let’s get this party started!”

2016-17 (9th grade):

-“…you’ll have to come check in and draw me more memes!”—my 9th grade history teacher, context being that she pitted all the kids in my grade against each other in a year-long history meme war and i, being a dumbass, did not know how to make memes online using generators and shit, so i HAND DREW all of my memes on her board and she would take pictures for my entries (for the record: i did not win)

-“this is a good yearbook. you are a good person. have a good summer.”—one of my guy friends in my class

-“we’re gonna need you in quiz bowl. also how is this handwriting.”—another guy in my class; the reference to the handwriting was because we had to proofread each other’s handwritten essay drafts in english class and i straight up could not read like half of his and he got PISSED as a result

2017-18 (10th grade):

-“dear savannah, have a great summer! read lots of books and eat lots of food because those things make you happy and happiness is great.”—one of my friends in my class, also that is sound advice

-“*sine graph* there, i sined it.”—my precalculus teacher

-“i am ‘cosining’ it.”—the same kid who wrote the handwriting comment the previous year; written directly under the previous signature

-“savannah, mashed potatoes…”—the bestie who wrote the “legendary” comment in 4th grade; the whole message was much longer but we had an inside joke going about how i’m super-picky about my mashed potatoes lol

2018-19 (11th grade):

-“you are just the sweetest little ol’ thang”—one of my friends in my class

-“thanks for making this a great year. you’ve always been so nice to me. never forget that no matter what, you have a good heart, don’t forget that!”—one of the seniors that year; we were in all the musicals and choir together for a few years

-“stay frosty! your joy for life is special, don’t ever let anyone diminish it. change the world.”—a beloved history teacher who moved away after that school year

*no signatures for 2019-20 because COVID :(*

[stranger-awakening]

chucking this under a read more for obvious reasons but for the sake of prosperity and tbh just for myself: a list of my fave moments from the 5sos show last night in no particular order

- The ridiculously cool visuals of stars, the colour purple, neon blue and red, and like pop art bright ass colours (and the desert for Complete Mess!!). Sexy

- Person in the crowd who was wrapped in a trans flag the whole show. I love you with my whole heart

- Luke starting his speech with “How the bloody hell are you!?” and then proceeding to sound the most Australian anyone ever has :’)

- “We have a lot of friends and family that have been with us the whole time here tonight. So you guys have to make us look good” *ridiculous screaming in response*

- The motherfucking harmonies during both Take My Hand and the start of Red Desert (Speaking of the fact that they only played the start of Red Desert lmao)

- Luke introducing Calum first and then introducing Michael by saying “Calum Hood! Just kidding Michael Gordon Clifford!” and saying “I got you good” while the crowd cheered and Michael laughed his head off 🥺

- Michael talking about his wife and rambling about the band and how grateful he is and how surreal it is to be there and then saying “I’m rambling. Sorry, we have a hard 10pm curfew so we have to finish the show by then. We’ll be finished don’t worry” while people were booing the curfew (so true)

- Oh, and Michael talking about their first show and saying “I knew we would end up here! No, I didn’t. I thought that would be our last show” to a passionate crowd of like 6,000 people man ... I’m ...

- Calum yelling “what a beautiful night to be alive!” in the middle of Wildflower 💜💜💜

- The fact that they played Bad Omens and Easy For You to Say back to back like that was for me

- Michael asking if anyone had seen Luke’s Opportunity cover on Youtube and then saying “And they still came!” while Luke laughed his head off 🥺

- Calum asking “anyone live around here?” and then saying “Parents drive a BMV, huh?” King shit.

- The fact that they played Amnesia and introduced it by saying “We haven’t played a slow song from the first album in a while” so everyone Knew and went Crazy

- “Where my westies at!?” *loud ass screaming*

- The boys repeatedly asking how the people in the back were doing first and Michael saying “Just because you’re sitting down doesn’t mean we can’t feel you back there.” Bless

- Luke saying “If you’ve been with us for 11 years, or two weeks, or you just got dragged here tonight. I don’t care. We’re all here together!” Literally ... Y e a h

- Honestly, the fact that they were all so visibly emotional and kept saying it was the best show they’ve played in a while and how all of them were talking about how far they’d come and how amazing it was to be there. I love them so so much actually

- My friend yelling “I forgot this song existed!” at the start of Teeth and then going ridiculously hard. So fucking true of her.

- “Are there any 5sos fans here tonight!?” *loud screaming* “Sorry are there any Real 5sos fans here tonight?!” *louder screaming as the band starts Jet Black Heart*

- The mosh chanting “Heartbreak! Heartbreak!” before the last song and Luke saying “We have one more song, but it’s not whatever the hell you guys are saying” and then playing Youngblood instead as a final encore

- Songs that they didn’t play but Should Have: Heartbreak Girl (obviously), Try Hard (I’m so fucking serious), She’s so Hot (Banger), HAZE (one of my personal faves off 5sos5)

[bicheetopuff]

time to be personal so anon goes on!

Feel free to ignore this, with the discussion about these topics I just want to express myself. I’m not expecting an answer, and if this makes you uncomfortable I apologize, as it’s not my intention.

I used to believe I was a cishet girl/woman for the longest time, and even doubted myself after finding out about my queerness for so many years, because of the portrait of heterosexuality and sex as needed in fandom from a young age (9/10 years old, the same time ppl would make a challenge to watch a hentai bl which involved a child with an adult and the main critic was about it being gay; the child was still older than me, and a friend and I watched it so we could see what was the big deal and challenge ourselves into being the one who could “handle it better” or “not be affected by it”. Yeah, totally didnt it affect us/s)

I remember my first crush on a girl, one of my best friends, and thinking I needed to see her in a sexual way in order to actually like her, and it just felt so, so wrong to see her like that. It was easier to be a guy’s plaything, it’s easier to be it in my head. I hate the internet. There is no safe space to hide in, and they teach us this is our only option when it’s full of creeps.

It doesn’t make me uncomfortable at all, I can actually relate as a genderfluid/transmasc person myself.

The way the world and media views women and afabs, especially if we’re talking like 10-15 years ago, has always been “if you’re not this, this, and this, then you’re not a proper woman” and that list of requirements of what a woman should and shouldn’t be puts young girls in such a small box that they’re not able to express themselves. We feel like we’re not given a choice until we grow up a bit and realize that we can be whoever the hell we want to be after so many years of feeling ashamed of who we wished we were.

i was diagnosed with PCOS in middle school which causes a higher testosterone level and since i realized i had it when i hit puberty, my voice got deeper and i started growing a lot of body hair and beard hair by the time i reached sophomore year of high school and i had so many guys call me disgusting if i didn't shave and conform. By this time i knew i was at least bi but I didn’t realize I was probably genderqueer until I was 19.

I’m glad I realized after high school though because now I live in a pretty accepting city and I don’t have to be around a bunch of annoying teenagers lmao. I don’t shave my legs or my face unless I want to and I stopped trying to mask my deep voice and now i feel free to be who I am. But I think it took me so long because of the toxic heteronormative portrayal of women in media, feeling like I had to follow orders of a man to be considered a “good girl.”

That being said I understand being a young closeted queer in inappropriate fandoms. Personally, I think I interacted with them as a kid because I felt the need to be non conforming in some way even if it was privately/on the internet under a burner account. Interacting which such content affected the way I viewed age gap relationships so as a teenager I honestly believed 14-20 was perfectly fine which caused me to talk to older men I shouldn’t have been talking to and it took me a couple of years to decondition myself from that mindset. Like you said though, it was a lot easier to be some guys play thing than to accept that you have a crush on one of your best friends. I really liked one girl all through out high school yet I only talked to men romantically because it was easier which is depressing to say. But, it also taught me a lot about how most men think and view women so now I just don’t talk to cismen at all which is probably a blessing.

I know this post is so long but I figured if you opened up, I could open up too. Plus most of these things I’ve said on my blog in the past anyway. I’m very open about my queer experience I just figure people wouldn’t want to read about it on a bkdk blog lmao.

But all this to say, I understand you, anon. The internet sucks but so does the real world tbh. You have to choose to exist as yourself in at least one of them even if it means you’ll run into questionable characters. My ask box and DMs are always open if you wanna talk!

[dynamimight]

cw: THIS IS NOT A FIC, the internet is simply my diary lmao. just a lil thing to get stuff about tumblr rn out of my head. read if you please, i also rly want to talk about this w/ppl 😭😭 (readmore bc i put this in fandom tags)

i recently have been feeling a certain kind of way about reading fanfic; if i find myself scrolling (bored/looking for fun stories as always) i kinda just quickly scroll through the whole page and give?? up??? like im not as excited as i used to be. this is for a few reasons:

1. i feel like a lot of fics are the same now 👍🏼 not a terrible thing, but i really look back to the quarantine era of "forced creativity" (a different conversation) and think about just how much people were writing; not to "give out content," but to truly explore an online writing community and do something that was worthwhile. the resurgence if the "[as]" trend on tiktok really put that into perspective for me: quarantine forced ppl to explore creativity, created job opportunities based on that (influencers/content creators as we now know them), and really pushed artistry to the point of basic normalcy. even though this was a cool kind of thing (seeing so many ppl create), our level of understanding art and its brilliance was lowered. which brings me to point 2-

2. a good amount of the "creative era" of quarantine was simply ppl replicating other ppl's original ideas, or straight out stealing them to add an extra topping of fame, bc ofc "everybody wants to be famous." my best examples of this are the two sides of the tiktok coin: dancing & damelio.

dancing became a big thing, and it made sense to start dancing trends; a trend is just popularity + replication. but charli damelio becoming famous for creating one of those trends and it later being stated that a completely different girl, jalaiah harmon, created it and had no recognition until the news came out?

and yes, she was on ellen, but that pales in comparison to the millions of dollars that the damelio family made bc of one instance of improperly following a trend.

and that's what i see now with multiple online spaces; they've become boring bc everyone is doing the same thing w/o giving proper credit to anyone. before content creation & whatnot became huge, no one irl would go around seriously saying tht they created some huge, celebrity-reach trend without being checked.

now, the difference between tiktok and fanfic pertaining to "trends" is based on power imbalance. no one is gonna believe a middle schooler saying that they started the trend of wearing skirts over jeans when it was very obviously some a-list celeb. in writing, you look to your favorite authors, poets, etc. and formulate your own writing style. whether that's word choice, plot format, or anything else you can cultivate to your own writing experience.

while you can always put your own spin on new dance/fashion trend, writing is different. you wouldn't put a spin on a classic in the same way: it would be a modern retelling, or smth symbolic of the original. adding an extra move is is not equal to adding an extra sentence. and that is what leads me to my final point-

3. writing is becoming/has became very formulaic. a good amount of fics in the most popular fandoms here follow a similar style. we see this with the short cycle of complaints that went around when the fic format of "short blurb with a group of character names under it" came about. along with the fact that the format probably came from the notoriously unoriginal & wattpad-esque booktok, everyone who wanted activity in their notifs was using that format. and so now, with every new group of teens that comes here to enjoy stories and explore writing, the new "trend" isn't a fully fleshed out story: it's like pushing out content.

i'm not complaining, and i'm not saying that everyone lacks originality. i enjoy whatever ppl put out bc i know that any form of writing comes from some place within. i am simply making a written observation of something i've noticed happen over the last couple of years- being a younger teen when it started, and now growing into the basics of adulthood.

the internet is my diary lol

[fuglyjeans]

1-35 faggot

Yay ❤️thanks fag ❤️

1. are you beating the uhaul allegations?

I moved across the country to live with my gf after 2 years long distance. So, kinda? We only visited each other I think 6 times before the move. Idk if that's fast or not

2. Do you identify as butch, femme, masc, and/or gnc?

I've been considering the label femme. I find a lot of joy through playing with makeup and fashion, and my style is very girly.

3. How did you realize you were Sapphic?

When I was a teen I always in the back of my head kind of thought yeah I'd do a girl. But that's cause of my sin nature! Then during college I fell in love with my best friend(thats u 42069gay), lost my faith... then tried to date some men but every interaction made me want to rip my eyeballs out. I started to ID as a lesbian after a date with this guy that went really well, but I just felt so uncomfortable thinking about becoming his girlfriend. We hugged goodbye and I felt so scared of the idea of him kissing me. I cried all the way home on the train... and that's when I knew in my bones. i was lesbo

4. Who is/was your most intense Sapphic crush?

My gf! :3

5. Do you consider yourself a dyke?

Umm ig that depends how you mean it, I'm not sure if that's a label I'm allowed to use tbh. I'm a lesbian. I'm not masc, but I rise and put my right hand over my heart when anyone mentions dykes supporting fags.

6. Are you good at picking up when people are flirting with you, or do you tend to be more oblivious?

I can definitely tell, but my anxiety causes me to second-guess it.

7. Have you ever crushed on a straight girl?

There was this girl I went to church with during my college years, who started making out with me whenever we got drunk. (That shit kind of hurt 😕)

8. What's your relationship status? Are you happy about it?

I'm in a long-term relationship 💕 Our 4 year anniversary is next week, and I'm very happy.

9. Do you have a "type"? If so, what is it?

I've always been most attracted to women who are very feminine, but have some kind of odd or punk edge. women with bangs energy I guess. Brittany Murphy, Bjork, Lady Gaga, SZA, Kathleen Hanna. etc

10. Did you do anything gay as a kid that makes sense when you look back on your childhood?

There was this time in middle school when I was sleeping over at my friend's house. we were lying side-by-side in her bed, tracing circles on each other's backs and I got super turned on. She kind of prepositioned me in a joking way and I flipped out, but for years afterwards I wished I had reacted differently and fantasized about how that night could have gone. I have no idea how I didn't realize this was very gay

11. What are some good Sapphic songs/music artists?

Chappell Roan is my fave. Bikini Kill, Lady Gaga and Hayley Kiyoko r also very special to me. Also check out suspected lesbian Connie Converse she's so cool. Here's 3 random wlw songs I love too: -> Kissing Lessons by Lucy Dacus -> Don't Try Suicide by Team Dresch -> Pynk by Janelle Monae

12. Good Sapphic books/poems/authors?

I'm the worst for this bc I don't read enough :( but: -> The Color Purple by Alice Walker ->The Well of Loneliness by Radclyffe Hall ->My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness by Kabi Nagata

13. Good Sapphic movies/shows?

-> Revolutionary Girl Utena -> Portrait of a Lady On Fire -> But I'm a Cheerleader -> Heavenly Creatures -> Jennifer's Body -> Steven Universe sorryyy

14. List five things you look for in a partner or five things you love about your current partner.

1. Her honesty. Our biggest strength is communication 2. Her creativity and excellent taste in all kinds of art. She reminds me not to worry about the things I can't control!! Which I really need. Repeatedly 3. She doesn't believe in cringe; she's the most non-judgemental person I know. 4. When we get delusional and insane over the same character 🫶💕

15. Are you the gay cousin?

Yes lmao and the gay sister and the gay aunt.

16. Do you consider being Sapphic a big part of your identity?

Yes very much so!

17. How many people have you dated? Talk about them if you want!

Like 2. I have really bad social anxiety and was a totally weird late bloomer. I went on a few different dates but only *dated* one person before I met my s/o. It was super awkward, she was sweet but we were both very inexperienced and shy and I guess there just wasn't enough chemistry. we kind of hung out for 6 months, never kissed or made anything official, then I moved out of state and we ghosted each other... v awkward time but I do have some fun memories

18. Thoughts on e-dating or long distance? Have you ever done it? How did it go?

I totally support it. I think anonymity is what some of us need to allow ourselves to be vulnerable... I met my partner on tumblr, it was the only place I felt safe being my whole cringey self at the time. I always used to think it was weird to date someone you've never met, but once I found her I said what the hell, I have nothing to lose. Luckily it went well!! It's unconventional, but so is everything about my life.

19. describe your fashion sense. do you "dress gayly"?

I would say no, most people assume I'm straight. I have a somewhat basic wardrobe... My fashion sense is much campier and more colorful than my wallet allows.

20. do you consider yourself to be a good kisser?

I have no idea. I try my best

21. are you generally "out" to people?

Most of the time I try to be. I'm not out at work, because the vibe there is rather conservative (like, Bible tracts on the wall) so I don't feel safe just telling anyone.

22. how do you feel about valentine's day?

I like it a lot more, now that I'm no longer an adult virgin :)

23. do you like being referred to with masculine adjectives, feminine adjectives, both, or neither?

She/her I'm very cis

24. thoughts on marriage?

I like the idea of having a ceremony, but I don't know if I'd want to be legally married. I would need to read up on the ramifications of that a bit more.

25. have you ever gone to a pride parade?

yes! I marched in my hometown once, and I went to Boston Pride in 2019. I haven't been to any since but I mean to

26. do you read yuri manga?

nope

27. do you fit any sapphic stereotypes / other stereotypes related to your identity?

I have short fingernails and too many cats

28. what's a canon sapphic ship you enjoy?

Petra Solano x Jane Ramos, from Jane The Virgin. It wasn't the best written imo, BUT I'm just a huge Petra fan, and I was so happy to see her find gay love.

29. how about a non-canon sapphic ship?

Hinata Hyuga x Sakura Haruno from Naruto. I will die on this hill. They would be so soft and encouraging for each other. I used to be so fucking invested in this, it was all I would ever draw in my sketchbooks

30. who's your favorite sapphic character?

Anthy Himemiya. She's just. a kaleidoscope of trauma and love and bitterness. also, this isn't canon but I truly truly see Bev Keane from Midnight Mass as a lesbian. She just reminds me too much of myself when I was younger and I feel for her and I love her lots

31. LEAST favorite sapphic character?

Molly Bolt from Rubyfruit Jungle. I guess she's not that bad, but I just fucking hated this book

32. tell a funny story about something really gay you've done.

convinced myself I was in a queerplatonic relationship so that I wouldn't have to confront the fact I wasn't straight

33. do you get crushes/fall in love easily?

not really, I've only had a small handful of those experiences

34. who's a sapphic person you look up to? they can be someone in your life, a historical figure, a celebrity, etc!

Lady Gaga. She's so smart and so weird and so HERSELF. even when I disagree with something she does/says, I appreciate her sincerity and her gumption.

35. if you could tell your younger sapphic self anything, what would it be?

Girl you are allowed to trust your gut. Your feelings are holy, don't hold yourself hostage. If there is a God, and if he really is loving, he wouldn't want that for you.

[louthingg]

ok so to set the scene this is a straight presenting relationship. one (my best friend) is a sophomore and the other is a senior. normally i wouldnt really have an issue with this. sure its odd, but as long as the relationship is healthy and theyre both happy i dont really care as long as theyre both consenting minors. bird has been having mental health issues for a while and theyre also autistic. george has had a history of some mental health issues but hes healed a lot since then.

so my friend (ill call them bird because im not going to remember if its a letter) was friends with the senior (ill call him george) for a good long while before they started dating. bird was dating a girl their age for a little over a year up until like a week before halloween. they broke up because it was just not really working etc etc. anyway, bird broke up with the girl. then, not a week later, they went trick-or-treating with george and he kissed them.

again, weird since they got out of a long term relationship not a week beforeheand but. theyre both consenting so… i guesssssss its ok.

then skip forward like a month now theyre dating. bird’s mental health is worsening due to a combo of things and theyre spending a LOT of time with george. i hardly ever see ghem anymore and when i do, its with george there too. this is annoying (it hurts a little bit too) and it feels kind of wrong since ive been among their closest friends since we were in middle school. but then again ive also been having mental health issues and i really am not a pleasant person when im depressed.

so the next part has all taken place within the past week. our school is doing a variety show thingy and bird has seperate accomodations to avoid being backstage with everyone at once. it is LOUD backstage and bird doesnt do well with noise (has panic attacks, etc..). so they get the dean of students empty office to sit in instead. they get to have a few friends in there and they get to choose who is in there. they choose a good friend (ill call them nine) and george, of course.

last night, just before the house opens and the show begins, i ask if i can spend the night in there too because when i spent friday night backstage with everyone else i got extremely overstimulated, had a shutdown, and almost passed out because of how hot it was in there.

when i ask, bird’s eyes widen and they shake their head really fast. “oh no, no. definitely not. sorry. but no.”

this feels equivalent to a gut punch because why do george and nine get to be in there but not me. but i just say ok and walk away.

the night is horrible for me, i almost pass out again, whatever, but evantually im backstage waiting for my cue when bird comes up next to me. its pretty normal for us to hug and hold hands when we see each other so thats what we do and after a moment they say:

“sorry if i was really aggressive earlier.”

“with what?”

“telling you that you couldnt stay in [admin]’s office.”

“oh. its ok.”

“yeah. george has a really specific list of who can be in there and who cant.” they say it so matter of factly that i almost miss it but i quite literally do a double take.

“huh? a list that hes made?”

“yeah.” they look at me and they seem a little bit confused as to why i asked that so incredulously.

im actually stunned. im still stunned. that room is an accomodation made for bird. so that they dont have panic attacks. and the reason that im not allowed in there is because of george, the SAME GUY who did nothing but sit and stare when bird had a panic attack last time. who wouldnt move when i tried to help them. if anyone should be making a list of whos allowed in there and whos not it should be bird.

george and i are good friends. we have a secret handshake. i have done more for bird and george as a couple than literally anybody else in the school (i will not be telling the full story here because i dont want to. its way too much to explain lmao). nobody else is finding this strange and its making me really mad.

one of my best friends is in a new relationship (1 month) and i feel like im going crazy because it appears extremely toxic but no one else notices. can i explain the general situation and you can give me your impression because i feel a little bit like im imagining things.

sure go for it

[kugisakiss]

Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Thanks....

ok first of all you need to understand this about me:

second of all, everything here will be about manga/anime since it’s basically the only media I read/watch. third of all? I don’t really have a top 10 so much as I have a bunch of characters whose proportion of free real estate they have in my mind rotates depending entirely on my mood

so I guess you can have a general set of qualities that will skyrocket any character into my favs with some examples instead:

how fucking funny they are: the entire cast of Gintama, Kurosaki Mafuyu, KDJ

can and will commit war crimes?: Integra Hellsing, Balalaika, Olivia Armstrong

women in violence <3 : Noi, Maki, Nobara, Nami, Kagura

doing their best children: Gon, Killua, Allen, Lenalee, Mob

pathetic, kinda smelly adults: Reigen, Gintoki, Hijikata