#start looking seriously into gardening. some plants have been said to assist with many medical issues

[princessmyriad]

Actionable things to do, from a white childless non-usa womanoid:

- Think global act local

- Act woman-owned, woc/poc-owned, queer-owned, indigenous-owned as much as possible. Research which companies' parent companies should not be given money.  

-uplift women of colour, and lgbtqia+ and femme people whenever you can, know when your voice should be the loudest but give others who sorely need a voice have not just their turn but their respect too. Let them know openly and politely when they have earned some of your admiration, and stand up for them in social situations, if it is safe to do so. Find safe people, we have strength in numbers too. Ask around at libraries and youth group and elder activity halls if theres a space theyd be willing to help you set up a community garden in

- Decenter men, decenter money, focus on community and kindness.

  * adhere to the 4b movement and/or other woman+kindness-focused ideals that appeal to you with as much longterm conviction as you can find. We have been strong for so long and we can continue to be until we do not Need to be Strong anymore. We can, and will, get this right and make the world tender again. But we have to be strong enough for now to recognize our issues are each-others and we need to start with building a community where we are and building it out globally from there. We need to be amplifying the voices of the most truly deeply hurt peoples within our local communities and assisting those people the most, to build companionship and community and creativity and kindness and compassion into our joint futures. We need to not continue to isolate groups of people down further and encourage fear and distrust, this is what They want. Redirect people who are trying into genuine ways to help, instead of berating or complaining. Our issues might not be the same but they stem from the same roots of misogynistic bullshit and it's more important now maybe than ever to stand united and start fixing things locally first from a place of understanding, not separation.

- Find local shelters or soup kitchens or nonprofit places that primarily help women and/or poc and/or queer people, or facilities that supply safe sexual and reproductive health services for people with utersus, and volunteer in whichever way you can. Things that help often include serving food, preparing food that can be served or heated easily, donating cans or nonperishables. You can also donate blankets and clothes directly to the folk using the shelters if you're unsure of the people ‘running’ the place. Handmade items (knitting, crochet, quilting, sewing, etc.) might be a creative outlet for any frustrations felt too, keep in mind as many body-types that might make use of your item as possible. Some facilities might accept donations in the form of cleaning, or hosting their community bake-sales, or admin, or various other tasks so ask what kind of help they might need that would suit your personal skillset and limitations.

- Acquire books on edible gardening, on human anatomy and medical knowledge, -including mental health knowledge,- on cooking especially with cheap and shelf-stable ingredients. Find books on camping, survivalist tips, and general DIY tips for furniture and clothing and home-maintenance. Plumbing, witchcraft, electricity, tiling, any other book of practical skills could be useful too. Books written by (woc)women and queer people should be your first choice but take what you can get. Thrift stores often have cheap books (or are sometimes willing to give some away if you’re kind enough) but of course this does depend on where you live so acquire books in whichever way is most accessible to you. You can screenshot/save any information you find on the internet too, but it might be a good idea to print or write it out as well, and be sure to get information from smart, women, of colour, who know what they're talking about.

- if youre able, purchase as many contraceptive options and menstrual products as you can. Do not advertise that you have these, give them out to trusted women in need when needed. Do not hoard them, allow other menstruators to purchase them too but do look up the shelf-life of each product. Ive heard that a planB has a shelf life of four years, so thats possibly worth stocking up on, if you have the space and finances and support from within your home. I've not confirmed this though so please take this information with a grain of salt.

- get familiar with your body, aquire sex and selfpleasure toys, learn to use the tools you have safely to reach orgasm or whatever sexual satisfaction means to you. Be honest with yourself about your needs and limits. Post-nut clarity shouldn't be pushed to the backburner for women and femmes and it should be attained without the help of a man whenever possible. Emotional regulation will be hard but this is one of the best ways to stay focused and keep your body and mind from acting out out of a place of loneliness and self-hate. Dance, sing, scream, orgasm, create, do it all as primally as your vessel can handle to regulate, to activate social, empathy, and love and happiness centers of your brain and body.

- Don’t use period trackers or fertility trackers or any such websites/applications. Keep yourself safe online, use usernames and pseudonyms and nicknames that aren't identifiable back to your real life. Keep details of your real life limited to trusted people in trusted circles. Keep community in mind but use discretion as to who’s truly a trustworthy person to tell your thoughts or experiences to. 

- Australians call and write and email your states leaders, everybody do this actually but Aus is rapidly approaching its own crisis-scenario so make your voice heard, make your wishes clear, keep your intentions away from discussion with political heads but remain focused and concise with the outcome of upcoming potential bills and laws that you want to see. Make it clear and factual what you don't want to see too, without making it into personal threats or insults (despite how much you might want to sling some choice words toward your resident Rich Whiteman). Statistics are your friend here but remain honest with yourselves about where the stat comes from and about how Statistics are often played with for the benefit of the author.

***I’m too stressed to think lately. As I find or think of more tips i’ll add them. Please stay safe ladies. Carry a hammer, any weaponry you feel confident to use. Know that knifework can be dangerous to you if you’re not experienced at it. Know too that you must survive. Out of hope, out of spite, out of rage or love you must survive. We can not lose this battle when we have been fighting it for so long. Do not give up now. Please. Rest when you need but please, do not give up now. <3

[emma-nation]

Memory Fragments - KamilahxMC Fanfiction (Chapter 1) *Debriefed Sequel*

Summary: Four years after the events of Debriefed. When a tragedy happens, Kamilah must face a second decision that will change her life forever.

Rating: T

Tag List: @begging-for-kamilah, @lulu-the-cat, @ilovekamilahsayeed

Notes:

- English is not my first language, forgive me for any mistakes.

- After so many requests I finally decided to give this fic a sequel, and closure.

- I hope you enjoy it and don't hate me yet. TVD fans will probably know what happens next (don't spoil it! 😯).

- Your likes and reviews are always appreciated. 

San Francisco, California - June 2, 2022 - 7 AM

*beep* *beep*

Kamilah stopped the alarm, barely opening her eyes. Then, she did the same routine she was forced to every morning. She opened a secret safe hiding behind a poster on her bedroom's wall. Lily Spencer gifted her that poster right before her move to the West Coast. It was from a game, named "Vampyr". She typed a password, "6-0-2-2". 

*password correct* flashed on the small led display.

She retrieved a syringe from inside. She still had enough for... two weeks, she rolled her eyes. She sat on the edge of her bed, injecting the red liquid in her upper arm. Adrian's serum had been improved to the point it lasted 24 hours. She could spend the entire day out in the sun, living a normal life. Or almost normal, she was still a vampire after all. The only side effects she had to deal with were a decrease in her special abilities, but it was no longer a problem. The Vampires in California were far less problematic from the ones in New York.

After a quick shower, she got dressed and drove to a hospital nearby. Discreetly, she walked to a small door at the side alley. She knocked three times and pronounced the secret code.

"I came for the strawberry jam."

A young looking man opened the door, with a smile on his face.

"Good Morning, Kamilah."

"Morning, Luc."

"What is going to be today? B-, AB+ or the regular O+?"

"Anything, after 2067 years they all start tasting the same."

He handed her a paper bag, containing a bag of blood inside.

"Have a nice breakfast."

Kamilah entered her car again, following to a large property in Napa. Zahra Institute of Botany, a sign hanging in the main building indicated. She parked her car at the usual spot. The spot reserved for the CEO. Inside her office, a cheerful blonde woman awaited for her with her favorite coffee in hands.

"Good morning, Kami! Did you have a good night? Did Luc..."

"Louise, I'm fine. Yes, I've had a good night of sleep and your husband provided the blood bag I needed. Thank you."

A couple of months after Kamilah decided to leave New York, her former protégé, Louise, came seeking for her help. Her husband, and bound, Jean-Luc had Stage 4 Cancer and she wanted him to be Turned. It was his only chance of surviving. As Kamilah's blood was more pure than Louise's, the chances he wouldn't turn into a feral were higher. After being Turned and properly branded, both of them decided to start a new life in the United States, which was really helpful for Kamilah at that moment. Now, after selling Ahmanet Financial, she ran a botany institute along with Louise. She'd spend most of her time doing what she loved, studying, researching and photographing different species of plants and their properties.

"Did you take our... daily medication?" Louise asked as soon as she sat on her desk, referring to Adrian's serum.

"Of course," Kamilah rolled her eyes. "Otherwise I wouldn't be here right now."

She accessed some files on her powerful computer. Her most important project was far from complete. She hoped that using natural ingredients only, she'd be able to achieve the same effects as the serum's.

"Damn it," she complained aloud. "I received the latest results and they failed. The tested Vampires were only able to stay out in the sun for 15 minutes and they got terrible sunburned."

"How much of the serum we still have left?"

"To supply all of us? Only enough for two weeks."

"Uh oh," Louise bit her lower lip, giving Kamilah a questioning look. "Does it mean you need to go back New York... right now?"

Kamilah sighed, angrily.

"Don't give me this look, okay? I'll find another way... I'll convince Adrian to ship some across the country. I'll make up some excuse."

"He'll never forgive you for missing out his wedding."

"Can we not talk about it?" Kamilah abruptly stood up, grabbing her camera.

All she needed was to spend some time alone in her gardens, with her rare flowers. The last thing she wanted to have in mind right now was Adrian's wedding. Or... Amy's wedding.

-------------------

Raines Corporation, New York - June 8, 2022 - 8 PM

Inside the elevator, Kamilah inhaled deeply for four seconds, then exhaled for another four. She was nervous, she couldn't deny it. It wouldn't be easy to face the woman she loved, her soulmate, again. Especially now she was engaged to her best friend. She couldn't just pretend it was all okay.

The elevator stopped. As the doors opened, she spotted an empty desk at the lobby. Through Priya, she learned Amy was no longer Adrian's assistant. He insisted she should go to business school, as she had a lot of potential to help him to run Raines Corporation when she became his wife.

It was so unlike her, Kamilah thought. Once she confessed she dreamed to have her own restaurant or a cafe, as she enjoyed cooking, and eating too. Now, because of Adrian, she'd be pursuing a career she didn't even like.

She knocked at Adrian's office, when he opened the door a huge grin appeared on his face.

"Kamilah," he involved her in a tight hug, "long time no see. I thought you weren't coming."

"Actually... I came here for something else. Me and my Clan in LA, we're running out of the serum."

"I'll provide you some. But aren't you staying for the wedding?"

Without an answer in mind, Kamilah swallowed dry. She wondered if that situation could've been prevented if she told Adrian Amy was her bound, or even confessed her feelings for her. But everything happened too fast, in a blink of an eye, they were already dating. 

"I-I... I've been busy," she lied. "There's this research I'm doing that cannot wait. I need to monitor the species cycle very closely."

"What about your partner, Louise? Come on, Kamilah. You're like a sister to me. All I wished for was to have you by my side in this moment. After everything I went through with Eleanor and Celia... I've finally found love again."

"But..."

Before saying anything else, Kamilah reminded of how much pain Adrian felt when Celia died. For months, she had to look after him, making sure he'd not go back to what he was before, when he was still Gaius servant.

Then, she remembered his words on that cabin, sharing his darkest secret. The trauma of losing his beloved wife and son. Now with Amy, he never felt lonely again. He was always happy and relaxed.

Upon that, she was unable to say no.

"Okay. I'll stay for your wedding."

Adrian hugged her again in pure gratitude. She almost could feel happy for him. Almost. If only he wasn't marrying her bound.

"There's one more thing..." before he could finish his sentence, the door opened.

"Adrian? You were taking so long to go home, I was getting worried."

Amy entered the office, when she noticed Kamilah was standing there, her expression quickly changed.

Kamilah hadn't seen her since her move. Everytime she had to visit Adrian to pick up the serum supply, she chose times she knew Amy wouldn't be at his office. She avoided even pictures online. 

Amy hadn't changed a bit. She was wearing worn-out jeans, a shirt and All-Star shoes. She was still that same girl, from four years earlier.

They gazed into each other eyes from what seemed like an eternity. That feeling. That same damn feeling returned. Stronger this time, as they consummated their bound. And Kamilah knew she was able to feel it too.

"Hi, Kamilah," Amy finally cleared her throat. "It's uhh... nice to see you. We thought you weren't coming, as you never confirmed our RVSP."

"Sorry, I've been too busy. I wasn't sure."

Another uncomfortable silence settled over the room. Amy didn't want Kamilah to be there, she could sense it. It made her highly anxious. She began to wonder if she actually told Adrian they had slept together, twice.

"So Kamilah," Adrian spoke. "I was saying... there's one more thing. I need to attend a conference in Chicago. I should stay there for a few days. Would you mind keeping an eye on Amy for me?"

"Adrian!" Amy complained, wrapping her arms around his waist. "I don't need a nanny, okay? I told you, I'm safe with Lily. The Baron won't be bothering us."

"I know, baby. But after I stopped providing him and his Clan the serum, who knows what he'll be capable of?"

"This is sweet of you, but... Kamilah said she's busy."

At this point, Kamilah had already stop paying attention. She wondered how many times she rolled her eyes in a row. They were so romantic, so cheesy, so... perfect. Her mouth stiffened in rage.

"She's taking a few days off, until our wedding. Remember?"

"Oh."

Amy wasn't thrilled to know she'd be forced to be around Kamilah for the next few days. Was she afraid? Did she have any doubts about her feelings for Adrian? A hint of satisfaction appeared on Kamilah's face and she forced a smile.

"Don't worry, Adrian. I'll take care of her as if she was my own bride."

-------------------

Although it was being too much too handle, Kamilah was hiding it well. She always acted supportive, calm and composed. Visiting the wedding site, checking if everything was fine with the buffet, giving her opinion about the decoration flowers... All of that was driving her insane, thinking she should be the one marrying Amy and giving her the wedding of her dreams. 

While she waited for Amy, in one of the last trials of the wedding dress, she went to her car and called Louise.

"I can't do this anymore. I seriously don't know how I'll even react when I see her in that dress."

"Relax, Kami. Do it as I told you, when the Priest asks if someone has any objections, you get up and..."

"Louise, no."

"Then why don't you just tell her? About the bounding thing, your feelings..."

"Taking another wife from Adrian's life. That sounds very fair."

"Does it sound fair that you'll spend the rest of your eternity locked inside a secluded property in Napa, researching flowers to avoid thinking of what could've been? She's your soulmate, Kamilah. Not his. She'll never feel complete by his side and... She's a mortal. She won't have all the time in the world to change her decision."

"I'll think about it, okay? I need to go now. She wants my opinion on that stupid dress. Bye."

When she entered back the boutique, her heart started pulsing weirdly. Her stomach stiffened. The view of the woman she loved in that wedding dress caused a feeling she had never experienced before, and she thought, that after 2067 years, she had felt literally everything. Amy looked back at her and smiled, she couldn't help smiling back.

"So, what do you think? I trust your fashion sense. You're always so well-dressed and elegant."

"You look..." Kamilah was still speechless, "perfect."

Amy's face suddenly changed. She sat down and started crying. Intensely.

"W-What's wrong?" Kamilah asked, sitting right beside her. "Was it something I said?"

"No... I just..." Amy took a deep breath and wiped out some tears. "I'm not sure about this wedding anymore. I'm not even sure about my life anymore! I hate college, I hate Adrian is never home, I hate his rich friends... Oh my god, please don't tell him that. I'm only confused. It must be stress."

"I won't, I promise."

"I wish I had your strength, you know? When you got fed up of that financial company of yours, you left everything behind to pursue what you always wanted."

"I've gotten used leaving things behind, I guess."

After Amy returned to her casual outfit, they were ready to leave. She still needed to speak to the band that was going to play at the party.

"I don't feel like going," she cried in the passenger seat. "Take me home. I'm not feeling well."

"I have a better idea."

Without telling Amy her plans, Kamilah drove to the nearest Ice Cream shop.

"Wasn't you that once told me Ice Cream heals everything?"

Amy let out a small laugh.

"Do you still remember?"

"Of course, I even adopted it as coping mechanism. You should see my freezer in San Francisco."

"You really have changed."

"For better, I hope."

Kamilah ordered them both the largest bowls of ice cream they had available. She asked extra topping for Amy, assuming that could help to cheer up her spirits, but she was still quiet, introspective.

"Can I ask you a question?" She broke the silence after a long pause. "Why did you really move to San Francisco?"

"I wanted a new beginning," Kamilah answered, taking a spoon of ice cream.

"Uh, you usually wish for a new beginning when something ends."

"Exactly. I had nothing else keeping me at New York anymore, so I started something new."

Amy let out a chuckle, where Kamilah noticed a hint of sarcasm.

"New state, new vampire companions, new company... What about a new lover?"

"Lover?" Kamilah rolled her eyes. "Oh please, Amy. You know me, love isn't for me anymore. I'm not capable of feeling..."

"But you were," Amy interrupted, raising her voice. "That night in Adrian's cabin, the other night in your office..."

"Then you started dating Adrian."

Kamilah looked away, avoiding Amy's eyes. It was like she was confessing somehow that she only went away because she couldn't stand the idea of seeing the two of them together.

"You finally admitted," Amy shook her head. "I knew it all along, and I couldn't even tell Adrian!"

"Of course, he wouldn't be happy to know we had sex, so you omitted it."

"What's your problem, Kamilah?! One night, you say you were searching for me, then you disappear for two weeks. You don't call me, you don't text me, we never talk about it again."

"It was an important business meeting, Amy. I had to leave the country for two weeks and when I returned, you were already dating him. You never considered how I'd feel about it."

"Now this is my fault? You never cared about me. You never showed you cared. For you, I was only a sex toy. You aren't that different from Priya, you know? Now Adrian, he's always by my side. He's supportive, loving, gentle... He brings me flowers and takes me on the most perfect dates..."

"And yet, you were having second thoughts about your wedding five minutes ago, before you start dwelling on a text I didn't send you four years ago."

Amy remained silent for minutes, staring at her furiously. Kamilah would never understand mortals, why did it still matter so many years later, when she was about to get married?

Maybe Louise was right. That was the perfect moment to open up, to tell her everything.

"Know what I think, Amy?" She spoke softly. "You don't want to marry Adrian, you're frustrated and you're blaming it on me. Blaming it on me because we still have unsolved feelings. Would you... Would you like to talk about it? I have something to tell you, I quite don't know how but..."

"Do you know what I want?" Amy slammed her fist on the table. "I want you to go away. I don't want to ever see you again, Kamilah. You never meant anything to me! You were just... a girl crush I had. Once I found true love those two nights became meaningless. I-I could never love you... you're cold, selfish, arrogant..."

"As you wish, Amy. I promise you'll never see me again."

While Kamilah paid for the order, Amy left the shop. Without saying goodbye or even looking back. 

She spent a long time inside her car, reminiscing about Amy's last words. The last time words hurt so deeply in her heart was when her brother's death was informed.

If only she wasn't scared of her feelings... If only she hadn't debriefed her all those times... If only she hadn't deleted that damn voicemail, four years before... 

Suddenly, her chest started feeling tight, her heart rate accelerated and it was getting difficult to breathe. It wasn't only that, she felt deeply sad, empty, like if a part of her had been ripped off. Maybe Amy's negative feelings for her were the key to break the bound. Now she was finally free to live a long and happy life with Adrian.

Kamilah started driving, headed back to the hotel. She'd return to San Francisco immediately. Later, she could find an excuse for Adrian. The traffic was slower than usual. It would take minutes, maybe hours to arrive at her destination. 

"I really miss San Francisco right now," she told herself while turning on the radio. Some music could help her to calm down a little bit.

When she was able to move a little, she started feeling thirsty. It should be that smell in the air, the smell of blood... fresh blood. A little further she could see the lights, police cars, an ambulance, a bus... As she passed through the accident site something on the floor got her attention, a bracelet. The same bracelet Amy was wearing that afternoon. 

Kamilah got out of the car, desperately trying to find her. Ignoring guards and paramedics, she passed through the yellow tapes. Following her advanced senses she looked around, attempting to find her. But she wasn't anywhere... Until...

She looked under the bus and there she was, lying face down in a puddle of blood.

"Amy!" Kamilah yelled, as a guard dragged her away. "Do something! Save her, please."

For the first time in centuries, tears started streaming down her face. The paramedics carefully removed Amy from under the bus. As they gave her the first examinations, Kamilah could hear them whispering:

"There isn't much to be done."

But her vampire ears still could hear it. Her favorite sound in the world. Amy's heartbeats, getting weaker... and weaker... until...

Silence.

[seungkwanslowqualityenglish]

Vampire!Donghan

[this started as a bullet fic then transformed into a normal fic so some parts are a bit odd]

You were new to the area, your great aunt had died and having no children, she left you her house in her will. It was quite a large house, and a lot better than the little dingy apartment you lived in, so you couldn’t help but accept it and move in. You were a writer, you already had three books published under your name, quite popular teen fantasy romance novels at that. Who knew that teenage girls loved stereotypical vampire and human love stories with a side of fairy, vampire, and human love triangle; you did, and you easily cashed in on that stereotypical market. After your third book, you hit a standstill, unable to write and finding nothing but writer’s block every time you tried to write. Maybe that was why you said yes to move here, a change of venue, a new place and new ideas may come of it.

The neighbors were sweet, a kind little old lady on your right, a sweet elderly couple across the road; yet, there was one neighbor you had yet to meet, the one on the left of your house. All anyone knew of him, was that he was a shut in, he occasionally had an assistant come by with food and stuff, but he never went outside himself.  A recluse according to sweet little old Joyce, who brought you over some of her famous homemade chocolate chip cookies, a twenty time award winner at the local county fair, a county fair she was now banned from participating in from winning so many times. Joyce had told you about how she had been living in this town almost eighty-one years, and she had only seen the recluse once in all those years, and that was sixty-three years ago, when he first moved in. “He was maybe about nineteen, twenty, around the age you are now, when he moved in. No one really knows him, all we know is his surname, Kim.” Joyce told you.

You had yet to meet him, you even heard rumors that he might not even live in the house any longer, that it might be vacant and the assistant was the one fully taking care of it; yet, you didn’t know what to believe. Well, you met his assistant, or whoever that guy was once, and he told you it was nothing you needed to worry about, whatever that means. All you wanted to do was greet your neighbor, yet apparently the only person he sees is his assistant, or whoever.

Yet, you put that out of your mind, and finally began to write again, you starting and finishing the fourth and last book of your fantasy series, nothing could compare to the feeling as you wrote the last lines: ‘Natalia found herself unable to care, four years of trials and triumphs, just for Benjamin to leave her for Tyler at the first moment’s notice. Relaxing back against the couch, Amethyst’s arm laying on her shoulders as Amethyst kissed her cheek, before she opened the ice cream she bought just hours before, she thought to herself; ‘who needed him anyways, as long as I have Amethyst, everything will always work out perfectly’. And as she had thought, everything did work out just perfectly.’ Maybe it was the new location, yet everything seemed to be doing that for you too, working out just perfectly.

Honestly, everything was working out a little too perfectly; usually writing a book would take upwards of three or four months, this time it only took two weeks, which had left you with a lot of down time, before you needed to start working on your next one. You felt like one of those retired seniors, trying out different things until you found something you liked. Crocheting wasn’t for you, neither was quilting, or sewing. Painting wasn’t any good, you hated running, and you just sucked at photography. Writing was your only outlet, yet it was your job, you didn’t want it to be your hobby also. That’s when it hit you, while you were cleaning out some old boxes of your great aunt's, you found it, a box of seeds. Gardening, that’s what you would do, it couldn’t be that hard right. As cliche as it may sound, you quickly found out, you had green thumb. You managed to bring back the dying rose garden, in addition to get the other flowers you planted to start growing.  You had finally found your thing, and it was gardening. That’s how you found yourself at the neighbors house, the old man’s dying and literally dead garden saddened you, so you decided to do something about it.

Unknown to you, he watched you, every day you worked in your garden, and now every day you worked in his. He still didn’t bother to introduce himself to you, finding no need to, thinking you’ll just leave before long like most young people in the neighborhood do.  It started with a note, he left a note on the window he knew you always worked under, while in his garden. It just said a simple, “Thank you.” It shocked you when you saw it, the handwriting was somewhat regal, could writing be regal, since you seriously felt it was. You simply replied with a, “You’re welcome.” and that is what started it.

Before long the daily note was something you were looking forward too, not just helping an elderly man care for the garden he had neglected, but the kind little notes thanking you for what you are doing, telling you what the plants are, and the sweet little notes about how nice it was to have a neighbor that cared for once. For some reason he felt like more of a friend, than a father or grandfather figure, which most would expect seeing how many assumed him to be quite up there in the years. The sweet little old man wasn’t a sweet little old man as she thought, he was actually quite a strapping young man to be honest.

It alarmed her when the notes stopped coming, the assistant hadn’t been by in a few weeks, and her last note she received was nine days ago, he had collected her note but hadn’t put another one out on the window like he usually did. That persuaded her to enter his house, the front door was locked of course, yet luckily the back door wasn’t. You feared he had fallen and couldn’t get back up, if so then he needed to get life alert. Entering his house, the first thing that hit her was it didn’t look like a stereotypical old person’s house does, it was modern, honestly more up-to-date than your house is.  You couldn’t hear a single sound through the whole house, maybe there wasn’t anyone here, maybe he had left. Yet, you stayed, looking around. “Mr. Kim!”, you yelled out, thinking it might help something.

You were startled, hearing a groan coming from another room, rushing towards it, thinking that you may have been right, that the old recluse neighbor had fallen and couldn’t get back up. The groaning got worse as you neared the hallway, that lead to the bedroom, and before you knew it you were standing in the doorway of his bedroom. Opening the door you saw him, not the frail old man you thought lived here, a man maybe your age, badly badly sick and horribly pale. You couldn’t help but rush forward in shock, looking at him, wanting to help but not knowing how. “What happened?” You asked him, only to hear more groaning in response. He tried to push you away, you didn’t understand why, why he would push away someone that was trying to help him.

He couldn’t stand it, the scent of her blood coursing through her veins was almost enough to make him snap; yet, he controlled himself, knowing if he did succumb to his desires, she would no longer be here.

She stood up, as he pushed her away, thinking he may need his assistant, luckily his phone was sitting on the desk across the room. To say his assistant was shocked when he heard your voice, was an understatement, the poor man started freaking out, telling you to leave and go your house and stay there, that it wasn’t safe for you here, which you found odd. You didn’t want to leave the sick man, but after his assistant assured you he was on his way, you finally left returning to your house. The whole situation worried you, badly, he was sick and yet instead of letting you help him, he pushed you away. His assistant weirdly freaked out when you called him, starting to tell you to leave and don’t look back. You stared out your window, on the second floor, peeping between the curtains trying not to be seen. You watched as the assistant rushed from his car into the house, carrying bags of red, that looked like blood bags. That’s when it all hit you, he must have a medical condition, he needs transfusions and they wanted you to leave so you wouldn’t catch anything, if it was contagious.

You resumed your schedule as usual, gardening both your gardens, just this time the notes resumed. He thanked you, and your notes grew from that. He wasn’t the homebound elderly man you had thought he was, he was a homebound young man that you honestly thought was quite attractive from the few times you had seen him. As you grew closer, the notes stopped, instead him standing at the window to talk to you as you gardened. He told you something about being allergic to sunlight, and how he’d love to work his own garden if he could, in addition to his name, Donghan.

The face to face meetings started to fade, notes returning instead, and then before long they stopped once more. It prompted you to investigate again, as you had before. At least, by now you had grown close enough he had trusted you with his assistant’s phone number, which you called before going over to see what had happened. “Donghan?” You called out, upon entering the house, thinking maybe he was sick like he was before again. Unknown to you, he was sick, just not the sick you thought.  Looking around, you found yourself unable to find him, checking all the rooms that were unlocked, you still found no one. “Donghan?” You called out one last time, thinking maybe you should just leave.

As you turned to leave, you saw a figure standing in the doorway of one of the locked rooms you couldn’t get into. Gasping, you wanted to rush forward to help him, but found yourself unable to. “Do you always make it a habit to break into your neighbor's houses?” Donghan asked, as he lurked towards you, something in the darkness of his eyes should have scared you, but you didn’t feel scared at all. You didn’t even realize you had been backing up until your back hit the wall, and then his hand hit the wall by your head, as he leaned down to look at you. Something was enticing you to kiss him, yet, you couldn’t move.

His mouth was by your neck, his breath warm against your neck as he intertwined his other hand with your hair, pushing your head to the side giving him more access of your neck. His lips were only inches from your throat, then centimeters, and then right on your neck. “I could easily drain you right here and right now.” He murmured just before you felt something sharp grazing your neck. “No one would ever know.” He continued, grazing your neck with his fangs. You stopped breathing, scared for once since meeting him, vampires weren’t real and this couldn’t be happening, was all you could think.

Standing completely still, you felt his lips moving against your neck, as he spoke again. “You smell so good.” He muttered, inhaling the sweet scent of your blood, tempting himself more with each sniff. The primitive part of him wanting to do it already, drain you of your oh so sickly sweet smelling blood, but the refined part was telling him to back off, he was lucky he had managed to keep the two sorta under control. They stood in that position for almost five minutes, his fangs grazing her neck, but not enough to cut it, as he was torn between sinking his teeth into your neck or letting you go, before his assistant stormed in carrying bags.

The assistant couldn’t push Donghan away from you fast enough, and then shoving you towards the door, trying to get you out of the house. As soon as Donghan was away from you, you ran, leaving the house and going into yours. You suddenly regretted coming to check on him, but with that things fell into place, the blood red bags, the allergy to sunlight, and why he seemed to be your age despite the ther neighbors saying he moved in decades ago. It was shocking, the things you had written in your books, vampires hundreds of years old living off blood, it was all real.

You avoided his house for days, ignoring his garden afraid of what might happen if you did go over there. What if the unable to be in the sun thing was just a lie, what if he said it so he wouldn’t attack you or something, what if everything he said was a lie just to get another victim. Yet, one thing kept coming back to your mind, why didn’t he. He could have easily, easily, killed you but he didn’t. Something kept him from doing it, and what exactly kept him from doing it was something you wanted to find out. As he said, he could have easily killed you and drained your blood, but he didn’t.

It was a week before you were back in the garden, fixing your garden and his. It was another week before the notes returned, at first they were all different forms of apologies, then they changed to more serious things. He was sorry for scaring you, he really liked your company, and he was afraid you were afraid of him. You knew you should be afraid of him, you knew you should want to avoid him and never come back around here again; yet, you couldn’t.

He wanted to tell you to leave, leave and never ever come back, but he couldn’t find it in himself to do that. He was selfish, wanting you around, knowing at any second he could snap and you’d be dead. You were the reason he started doing it anyways, depriving himself of human blood, drinking from animals and sparsely at that. Who knows why he thought that was a good idea, he honestly didn’t even know how he thought that was a good idea. The idea that if he stopped drinking human blood it would cause him to no longer need it was ridiculous, if anything he should have known it would just put you in more danger. You were so kind and forgiving, he didn’t deserve someone like you, in his over three hundred years on this earth he had never met someone that made him feel the way he does.

It was a few more weeks of just receiving notes before you had had enough, deciding if he wasn’t going to come to the window to talk almost, you would just go into his house and see him. You knew he didn’t lock his back door, everyone thought a scary recluse lived there, so why would he need to lock it. Walking in, not much looked different from the last time you had been in his house, it was just as clean as always, which wasn’t that surprising. “Donghan?” You called out, hoping this wouldn’t be a repeat of last time.

He was alarmed, when he heard someone calling out his name, it was you. He had wanted to see you so many times, but feared you’d run, he feared you’d leave. You knew enough to put together the pieces, you knew what he was, and if you didn’t, then he’d honestly be surprised. He watched from the doorway of his study, watching as you looked around, luckily he hadn’t been depriving himself or this would have ended horribly. “Why are you here?” He asked, as he kept his eyes on you. He wanted nothing more than to pounce, to put his lips on our neck or to put his lips on your lips, he wasn’t sure, he wanted both, but he also didn’t want to scare you off again.

Seeing him, you couldn’t help but storm your way over to him, looking up at him. “Why are you avoiding me, I’m not afraid of you, you could at least acknowledge me or something.” You said, speaking quickly as you walked towards him, not noticing how he backed up as you did. His back hit the wall and there you stood in front of him, looking up at him, wanting an answer. “You’re a vampire, so what, I don’t care.” You said, just wanting him to answer you.

“I could so easily kill you, I could snap and you’d be dead in a minute, and that doesn’t scare you?” Donghan started, as his hand rose, touching your cheek gently. “I’m not always so in control, I could hurt you badly, I’d never forgive myself if I did.” He said, letting his hand drop, before he used it to easily flip the both of you. Hovering over you as he pushed your back against the wall, he looked into your eyes, before baring his fangs. “I could easily, easily, kill you. Does that not scare you?”

Shaking your head, as you brought your hand up, placing it against his cheek. “I don’t care, I know you wouldn’t do it deliberately.” You told him, watching as he still stared at you with his fangs bared, trying to scare you off, but it wasn’t working one bit. “You don’t scare me, I’ve gotten to know you these months, and if you thought baring your fangs and growling at me in that deep sexy voice would scare me off, you are horribly wrong.” Was what you said to him, before your hand moved and your thumb just hovered over one of his bared fang, not making contact but close enough you could if you wanted.

He was startled by how you seemed to disregard his worries, like they were nothing, which that’s what they were to you, nothing major. As his fangs sunk back into his gums, he looked at you, still confused at how nonchalant you were about this, like it wasn’t a life or death situation. “I don’t think you know what you are getting into, you don’t understand this all, it’s not as black and white as you think.” He said, sighing as you shook your head at him.

“I understand perfectly fine what I am getting myself into, I’m not some child being lured in by something I don’t know. I know what is luring me in, and I don’t want to stop it.” You told him, before moving your arm that was resting at your side, to behind his neck. You tried to pull him down, and then tried to raise yourself enough to kiss him, however, you were far too short and his refusal to move didn’t help any. It was enough to irritate you, and his laughter when he noticed you were struggling didn’t lessen your irritation.

A pout began to form on your lips, just moments before you felt his face even closer to yours than before.. “I’m dangerous.” Donghan whispered, his lips hovering yours as he spoke. “And I don’t care.” You whispered back to him, before raising up to claim his lips, your hands tightening around his neck as his founds your waist, picking you up so he didn’t have to lean down as much.

He had thought that something bad would come of the two of you, yet nothing had. He had started feeding properly instead of starving himself, and you had new inspiration. Writing had never been so easy for you, especially when you had someone in your ear telling you when you misspelled words or didn’t write a proper sentence. His lips were against your neck as he looked over your shoulder, reading what you had written. “Don’t forget the male lead is a sexy vampire with a six pack, and hips that move so fluidly they should be illegal.” Donghan said, giving you his input on what you were writing. Smirking you typed a boring vampire with a one pack that can’t dance, as Donghan pouted against your neck. “That’s not what I said.” He complained, before starting to kiss your neck repeatedly, his fangs grazing against the spot on you neck where he drank from earlier that day, before his lips were back at work attempting to give you a hickey. As you leaned back, letting him wrap his arms around you, all you could think of was how this would make a perfect book, yet, no one would believe it was based on a real life event.

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