#starkstiless

[andy-clutterbuck]

hey!! i love your gifsets so much THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR PROVIDING US WIH CONTENT FOR US ANDY STANS! i was just wondering if you could tell me where you found andy acting as Dale in Parlour Song? like send a link to the film? im just curious hehe (im so obsessed with him and finding everything he's acted in it's not even funny LMAO)!! tyty love <3

Hi ya! Thank you so much! 💙 I'm always happy when people want to seek out more of his work. Unfortunately as it's a recorded stage play it's not as easy as saying "hey check Netflix." Back when I watched it there was only one route but there are couple more now.

IF you have Amazon Prime (or a free trial) you can get a 7-Day free trial of Broadway HD and watch it.

You can subscribe to Broadway HD and watch it

OR subscribe to Digital Theatre and rent it (which is what had to do)

[rickswh0r3]

SO SOAKED FR

taglist : @itsgrimeytime @catt-leya @addicted2twd @starkstiless @blazemm98 @sinsandsweetness @urfavblackbimbo @andrewstinkylinky @eternalrose81 @marlboro-reds-13 @dxrkymxrchy @nadiasgf @taylormarieee @loveforcarl @virtualreader @versatilehater @hutchersonsgurl

[dandelionjedi]

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH WE DID IT

WE DID IT WE DID IT WE DID IT

TUM-BLR

WE DID IT

Thank you SO MUCH to everyone that helped this was 100% a group effort. Both all the boops I received and the encouragement to keep going. I had so much fun today, and I think I really needed some time to just be goofy.

So many people contributed, and I am so grateful for you all. Extra special thanks and hugs to @goblin-named-sam, King of Boops, my wonderful daughter @dashoulinas-fandom-dump, and my amazing cyare @ch0c0latedrag0n. You're all crazy and I love you so much. I wish I could show the world my notifications you're all insane (/loving).

Huge thank yous also go to @callmecyangreen, @garnetgoose0-0, @ivory--raven, @coppicegate, @goodomensduh, @patoslover, @zonzolik, @chaos-frog, @starkstiless, @arkytiorlecter, @random-doctor-on-the-internet, @zannolin, @aazrael-reaverr, @fiaiscooler, @void-xx10716, @just-kind-of-there, @happybean17, and everyone else on the Maggot discord. I know I've missed some people too. Every little bit helped and you guys are all amazing. Was this a practical use of my time? Not in the slightest

Do I regret a moment of it? HELL NO Today was amazing and I will remember it forever. And, to everyone who made it this far: BOOP

[itsgrimeytime]

Maneater (Epilogue) || Rick Grimes (TWD)

Part One, Two, Three, and epilogue

Taglist: @fuseburner @beltzboys2015-blog @gabrielleisalanastan @starkstiless @strnqer

Summary: You and Rick Grimes had a backstory, one no one knew except you and him. It's one you refused to share, you never really wanted to get into it. All anyone needed to know was you hated the man. When you're in a rough spot, and you could use the shelter the question is... does he hate you?

TWS: swearing, and all things typical of TWD.

[[A/N: This gif is so cute, actually sobbing over little Judith. Domestic vibes only girlies. Alexandria is a paradise, etc, etc. Just listened to Billie Eilish's new song for the Barbie movie, and I can't stop crying. So take some comfort. Thanks for reading!!! ]]

You woke up that morning to something odd, sunlight seeping from your window -a warm feeling fully enveloping you whole, happy, content. It was weird for a moment, as you lay under your duvet -head still in that distant morning fuzz.

Just until your brain kicked into gear.

"Shit," you cursed, trying to see just where the sun was in the sky -you were so late.

Scrambling for a second, you pulled on a sweater for the chill of the morning and only took mere seconds to smooth your hair into something more manageable. Trying so desperately to go quick and not trip over yourself, you made your way out of your house.

It hadn't been very long since this started, the thing between you and Rick. Could you call it dating? If you counted supply runs as dates, sure, you mindlessly remarked.

You'd only made one thing clear, all hesitant and carefully worded like he hadn't known exactly why you felt so unsure of connections. The last time you'd felt happy enough to have something, it hadn't ended well -it never did. Rick didn't even flinch.

'Slow,' he'd said, that sort of grin that always seemed like listening to you was all he'd ever want to do, '-I can do slow.'

Sighing, you tumbled out your door -still a little clumsy from waking up, and distantly you heard Maggie's laughter. You spun around, matching eyes with her and Glenn -they seemed to be hanging up some of their laundry. Smiling way too bright for this early in the morning-

"You going somewhere?" Glenn teased, his grin just as bright as Maggie's.

Rolling your eyes, you flipped them off -earning only more laughter, and turned back to the street. Instinctively following your own feet, you made your way up the porch and didn't even hesitate to walk right in. Rick would've given you a key if he could, knocking was unnecessary.

You opened your mouth, ready to call out to him -the rather empty entryway was dead silent. Briefly made you wonder if you were late before you heard it.

The tiniest little giggle, loud and bright, and something in your heart stalled. Even just for an extra second, maybe you could stand here -catch your breath. You were nervous, unbelievably so and it didn't help that she was... that she was theirs.

That's not her fault, you reasoned with yourself -brushing your fingers along the wall, she's not them.

"Hello?" his voice echoed out -more grumbly in the morning, you'd too often just got lost in it this early, "-Anyone there?"

You tried to respond, you really did. But it was like your brain had built a wall there, your head a little off tempo -you briefly wondered if you should sink to the floor, ground yourself. It was only a thought that flew across your mind, stilled against the wall.

There was some shuffling, a tone you recognized as Carl quiet enough that you couldn't hear. An agreement, maybe. And then with a mere few footsteps echoing against your skull, Rick peeked around the door frame.

All harsh lines, and hand hovering over his gun, he softened upon matching your face -a smile slipping onto his lips like you were all he wanted to see. Before he darted down to your hands, fingers tellingly rubbing against the wall -consistent and eyes anywhere but his.

"Hey," he whispered, approaching you with slow steps -only reaching out to touch you when you leaned toward him, "-hey, everythin' okay?"

You inhaled a big breath, "Just... nervous."

"Sweetheart," he hummed, moving his hands up from your arms to cup your cheek -guiding your eyes to meet his, "-we don't 'ave to do this today. Not if you don't think you're ready."

"I know, I know-" you started, biting back some shakiness in your tone, "-I want to, today. I can. I just, I need a minute."

"'Kay," he mumbled, eyes flitting across your face and thumb skimming across your cheekbone, "-need anythin' from me?"

"Just..." you exhaled, blinking away some of your clouded gazes, "-just stay."

Rick frowned slightly, only for a moment -before his fingertips danced back down your arms, pulling you to his chest with the gentlest of touches, "'Course."

Nosing into your hair, he pressed a languid kiss to your forehead -the buzzing warmth pleasant to your brain running so fast. Slow, you repeated in your head, leaning into the touch and wrapping your own arms around his middle, slow. Pressing further into him, like the comfort he gave you could completely surround you -envelope you in safety.

"You're doin' so good," Rick muttered against your hair, voice calm and soft, "-even if ya don't see Judith today. I'm proud of you."

It was almost too much for you then, surrounded by everything so Rick and to hear those words. When you were working so hard, he saw it, he acknowledged it. The words were out before you could even think about it -muffled by his shirt and stuffy from the cloud of tears.

"I love you."

And before you could even feel a shred of worry or doubt, you felt him grin against your skin. With a bright smile, he spoke -as if on instinct, almost giddy, "I love you too, 'course I do."

Your heart fluttered in your chest, as you let out a watery laugh and moved your hands to begin wiping at your face-

"Let me," he hummed, pulling back slightly to pull his hands up to your face -cupping your cheek and rubbing at the tears. Gentle and whispers of comfort in every swipe, he didn't tell you to stop -only wished to soothe you for as long as you would let him.

And once he saw the smile slip across your face, he leaned forward -pressing his lips to the tear trails. Then across your cheeks, and down your nose, along your eyebrows, at the corner of your lips -he kissed every inch of skin he could.

"Rick," you laughed -making no moves to be anywhere else.

He only grinned in response, muttering in disbelief -like he couldn't believe it, "I love you."

You laughed - a bright twinkling sort of sound, "Rick-"

"What?" he spoke, eyes shining in the kinda way that you hadn't gotten used to yet but you recognized -pulled back from your face.

"We can't do this all day-"

He raised his eyebrows, testing you, "I could-"

"Rick," you smiled, only a sniffle from your nose left from the moments before, "-I've got someone to meet, remember?"

"Yeah?" he spoke, looking over you carefully -taking at your word but always sure to know when to step in.

"Yeah," you echoed, something settling in the air then, -clearing your throat, "-but if she hates me, I told you so."

He rolled his eyes, playfully, and took your hand -sliding up to your side and pulling you into the living room. It was a familiar sight, if not just a little more messy. Toys were strewn across the rug, Carl off on the couch -eagerly making some sort of stuffed animal bounce around.

And in the center of it, all was Judith. Her smile was painted so beautifully across her chubby little face, nose scrunching, and brown eyes intent on the stuffed animal. Your heart squeezed somewhere deep in your chest, she looked just like Lori.

She'd hardly been bothered by the presence of you and Rick entering the room until he'd spoken up -gingerly pulling you to the rug, "Hey, Jude, Daddy's got someone for ya to meet."

Her big brown eyes darted to his face, before fluttering over to you -curious and bright. Something in you shifted, as you let go of Rick's hand and crouched forward -eyes intent on the little girl.

"Hi, Judith," you smiled, something catching in your throat for an entirely different reason, and you waved -small but exaggerated for her to see, "-I'm Y/N. It's nice to finally meet you."

Her little eyes darted across your face, seeming to take you in for a moment -you'd give her all the time in the world if she wanted. Until she reached out her hand -tiny fingers out to yours and grabbed you. Pulling down, trying to tell you to stay-

There were tears in your eyes then, but a different kind.

And as you scooted close to her, babbling and showing you each of her toys one by one... you thought it might just all be okay.

[lxvenderjewel]

this is my campaign to be put on the payroll of whoever pays sherlock and co

i have gotten every last one of these people to listen to that goddamn podcast. don't believe me?

@patoslover @falling-raine @weirdly-specific-but-ok @starkstiless @sounds-void-fishy @goodomensduh @littlegaybean1 @alventure @magicclemons @anadyomena @dashoulinas-fandom-dump @achilles-in-a-blanket-burrito testify for me NEOW

[dashoulinas-fandom-dump]

THE BOOP-NUKE-WAR IS OVER!!!

OMG GUYS YOU DID IT!!! I WAS ALREADY SLEEPING AND YOU DID IT!!!

I will still boop all of you tho, until this feature is removed I will be booping the hell out of all of you!!!

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!

At the beginning of this madness I thought I would barely get to the first MAX MAX, but as proved a lot of times earlier, 10k for a maggot is just another Thursday (why are people always using Thursday or Tuesday? Why doesn't any other day have the same ring to it? Whats so special about the letter T?)

I enjoyed this crazy madness way too much, the dopamine levels were almost the same as during the asmi10kpocalypse!

EVEN NEIL OPENED HIS BOOPS!!!!!

I LOVE YOU ALL VERY MUCH DEAR FELLOW BOOPERS!!!!!

I am sitting on the exam now and I'm gonna wind up soon, But before that, I’m gonna make some strange noises with my mouth that will go somewhere along the lines of bingle bongle dingle dangle yickety doo yickety da ping pong lippy tappy too ta

@goblin-named-sam @dandelionjedi @chaos-frog @examishbookwyrm @random-doctor-on-the-internet @coppicegate @prettycottagequeer @samsteacup @skinnyscottishbloke @callmecyangreen @patoslover @heckin-hecuba @falling-raine @rainforestferns @goodomensduh @starkstiless @lightningmonarchda3 and everyone else involved! YOURE INSANE AND I LOVE YOU ALL!!!

BOOP <33

[andy-clutterbuck]

omg hiii lolz i love your account so much. i love all the content on andy and your captions, the gifs, all that. you're actually so funny with your gifs 😭😭 i love reading them it brightens my day! im sorry if it's weird that i'm randomly hopping on the asks and rambling but you seem really nice and we both love andy lincoln and i just NEED to get this out. i wanna meet him SO BAD BROOO 😭! LIKE HE SEEMS SO KIND, SO LOVELY AND I JUST WANNA TALK TO HIM, ASK ABOUT HIS DAY, I JUST WANNA HAVE A FRIENDLY DEEP CONVERSATION WITH HIM BROOFDJGKFDJKJG (and i know i'd be awks as hell and visibly freaking out but STILL) HES SO HANDSOME I WOULD ACTUALLY CRY OR DIE (prob both) IF I MET HIM. I WANNA GIVE HIM A BEAR HUGGG I WANNA SEE HIM IN THE FLESH 😭😭😭

i love this man too much help me.. anyway thank you for letting me ramble!! LOLL ILYY !!! <333

HELLO, FRIEND! 😭😭💙💚 Thank you so much! You are too sweet for sending this 😖 I'm so happy to hear you find enjoyment from my little dumpster corner of the internet.

Andy really is something special, the mold didn't even break, I don't think you could make one. His parents knew some other worldly magic or like Danai said once, he hatched from an egg 😂 I actually did meet him 5 years ago and I'm not entirely certain how I'm still alive. It's not every day you walk through a curtain and into his arms 😳 I pretty much forgot how to breathe. I can confirm he's just so attentive, sweet, and warm (even physically warm 😂). He's also even more handsome in person which is annoying 🙄😂 I too would probably offer up an organ to talk his ear off about all sorts of things, he's an interesting dude.

Never apologize for rambling! I'm a rambler too and I know what it's like when you just have to get it out! Even if it's a stream of chaos. My ask is always open 💚

[rickswh0r3]

save me white twink

taglist : @itsgrimeytime @catt-leya @addicted2twd @starkstiless @sinsandsweetness @blazemm98 @grimesgobbler @andrewstinkylinky @eternalrose81 @marlboro-reds-13 @dxrkymxrchy @nadiasgf @taylormarieee @loveforcarl @virtualreader @versatilehater

if you want to join the taglist comment here

[itsgrimeytime]

Maneater (Part Three) || Rick Grimes (TWD)

Part One, Two, Three

Taglist: @fuseburner @beltzboys2015-blog @gabrielleisalanastan @starkstiless @strnqer

AVAILABLE ON AO3

Inspiration: Slow Burn by J. Maya

Summary: You and Rick Grimes had a backstory, one no one knew except you and him. It's one you refused to share, you never really wanted to get into it. All anyone needed to know was you hated the man. When you're in a rough spot, and you could use the shelter the question is... does he hate you?

TWS: Blood, gore, mentions of death, gun violence (just violence in general), a touch of abandonment, kind of like awkward affection???, alluding to sex (not it actually happening), swearing, grudges, and all things typical of TWD.

[[A/N: Actually kind of sad this one is ending. I might do an epilogue of just some fluff, we'll see. But thank you to all who were along the ride :))) Thanks for reading!!]]

"You're kidding," you spoke -doused in heavy disbelief, "-there's no way."

"I swear, every mornin'."

"In the guard tower?" You asked, not that you hadn't known, but just to be sure what you were saying was right.

"For the last time," Rick spoke through laughter, sipping on a beer, "-yeah."

"God," you paused -genuinely unsure of how to say what you wanted to, "-I mean, think of the back pain."

His laughter was even louder than before, and something in your chest filled with pride. You could do that.

It was hard, getting used to such close friendships -you hadn't been in one in years. You were honestly surprised your voice still worked after all those years solo, so to have this? This intimacy of sitting on someone's couch and rambling about the funniest things in the crappy world you lived it, it made you feel human again.

This was a routine thing, though, Rick had wanted to hear your stories. But working through a long list of trauma wasn't exactly easy, so every once in a while he'd tell a funny memory. It smoothed over the mood a bit, and helped you stay grounded -double whammy.

In the beginning, he'd even shared some memories of his own -vulnerable and open, so you could find it was a safe space. How he'd killed Shane, lost Lori when Judith was born, and the trail of death that seemed to follow him wherever he went.

You'd only listened that first day, not willing to encroach on his space -his words. The way he spoke them, it was like a weight off his chest. Like, in all these years, he hadn't told a soul.

But he told you.

You still weren't sure how to feel about it.

Because it was one thing you telling him, it was what he wanted -he wanted to know what he'd indirectly caused. What you'd gone through that he could have prevented with just one changed decision. But it was another when he told you his memories.

He wasn't doing it because you could've fixed them. Rick was doing it because he trusted you, cared about you, wanted you to feel safe-

You couldn't think about it, it only left a whirlpool in your mind -half telling you to run and hide, and the other half telling you that this was good. It was always what you had wanted. A place to belong, someone, anyone who cared.

And he was here, unflinchingly.

You knew he lost sleep, you knew he did. And yet, he'd still welcome you into his house when you needed it -sat in the living room until the early creaks of the morning.

You were a little conflicted.

"Everythin' okay?" Rick's voice was suddenly soft, the laughter that radiated the space a few spare moments before dissipating.

"Yeah," you sighed, rubbing your palms on your cheek to try and bring you back to the present, "-just thinking."

"That can't be good," he quipped, eyebrows raised and the little smile, he always got when he was teasing, spreading across his face.

You rolled your eyes, biting back your own smile, "You're an asshole, Grimes."

He was way too good at that, taking you down from edges -bringing you right back to your seat. It had surprised you at first, the ease he'd done it at, and it working. But the more you truly got to know Rick, the more it just made sense.

He had such a heavy sense of empathy, much too large for the way the world had treated him, and always seemed to be so vulnerable and open about his feelings. You couldn't count on one hand how many times he'd hugged Carl today. Seeing love so openly displayed, was odd. Not because it should be there, but because it was forgotten in this world. You could've sworn it was forgotten.

In a world of rotting corpses and survival, Rick Grimes found the time to love.

At that thought you opened your mouth, leaning your head back against the pillows and staring up at the white ceilings, "Did anyone ever think about me?"

The words were quiet, barely a whisper in the room but something in yourself told you that Rick has heard.

He leaned back, a bit softer as if it meant more, "I don't know about the others but..."

You traced the designs of the roof with your eyes, mind in a sort of fuzz -it was nice this time. Reminded you of fireplaces and couches and blankets, a warm feeling trickling along your arms -safety.

"I did," Rick spoke so quietly, you weren't sure you'd even heard it, "-it's somethin' I don't think I'll ever forget."

You questioned, "Why?"

He pursed his lips, seeming to try to think -eyes glazing across the roof in a sort of scattered flicker. Your eyes skimmed over his face, a few seconds wouldn't hurt.

The pull of his eyebrows was strong, lips still set in a purse -it was odd seeing him so relaxed. Along his jaw the salt and pepper beard was making its way back ever-so-lightly, you briefly wondered what it felt like. A few curls were making themselves known, tussled in a kind of way that still felt like they laid perfectly -like he was written in some sort of poem. You thought he might make a good subject if you were a writer-

"I think it's kinda," he started, letting out a long breath -like he was choosing his words carefully, "-two things. I always wondered if you were alive, and got to a point where I thought you weren't. It was like I was holding on to hope so I wouldn't have another life on my hands...? That make sense? When I... When I thought you were dead, you woulda been the first one."

You knew the importance of that, having lived as far as you had -you remembered the first person you killed. It was in self-defense, sure, but it didn't change the shake in your hands or the deep-seated guilt you could never imagine going away. That feeling would go with you to your grave-

"And I guess I wondered just what I had robbed you of?"

"You mean-" you interrupted.

Rick continued like he hadn't even heard you -far too focused on the thought, "If you would've fallen in love like Glenn and Maggie did. If I hadn't kicked you out so early, would you have found the right someone? And then, if you would've felt safe. Did I take that from you? The security of the group had been so natural, like breathin', to me. I always knew there was someone watching my back, always. And I just... I ripped it out of your hands."

You were silent, a wave of feelings creeping up your throat -the loneliness, the rejection, the wishes on falling stars. It had always been something you'd wanted -security, safety. Even as you joined ragtag groups, you'd had a sort of mistrust as if they'd leave you in the night. You'd even stashed away food, just in case they decided not to give you any.

But then, you thought of now.

All the support you had in Alexandria, you have regularly visited houses -always welcomed to any kind of supplies you needed. And although you started holed up and afraid, everyone took in at your pace. Never too fast to scare you off, and never too slow to have you think they'd leave.

And where you were now, staring up at the ceiling -vulnerable and open, the thing you were the most afraid of, but Rick was right there with you. Every crack in you, he showed his own.

"I think we're working on it," you finally said.

He asked, facing you -head still leaned back, "-Workin' on what?"

"The security," you hummed, light like the words you were saying weren't such a big step, "-the safety. I think we're working on it."

Rick didn't respond -the air so heavy a new kind of suffocating. Like you wished to shut away the vulnerability. Looking over at him, you watched as he seemed to endlessly stare -not there with you.

It was your turn.

"The love thing, though," you joked, tone teasing, "-I think that one might be a little far-fetched, sheriff."

He grinned, arguing his case, "Why? Maggie an' Glenn did it, didn't they?"

"Well, they're different," you relented, pointing out, "-I'm sure even if the apocalypse hadn't happened, they'd end up together. That's destiny shit."

"What, and you don't have destiny shit?"

"I-" you paused, "-I guess I never thought about it. It just seems... so impossible. I mean, find your true love in the zombie apocalypse? It's hard enough to find someone interested."

Rick seemed to think for a moment, "I'd know someone."

"What?" you turned to him -finding it fairly ridiculous that he knew someone so quickly, "-You cupid now too?

He stayed silent, eyes a little heavier on yours. You tried to read the oddly serious look on his face, blue eyes right on yours almost expectantly. Like he was-

"Oh," you realized, blinking a few times to test the sort of disbelief you found you were in. And somehow in your nerves, you let a laugh slip through your lips.

"Are you laughin' at me?" he spoke -playful, grin bright enough to warm up your soul, "-Really? Am I that bad an option?"

"Wait, wait," you laughed out, trying to stop his train of thought, -this was new, but not in the scary way, "-let me think about it."

"Thi-"

You shushed him, dramatically closing your eyes and tilting your head back to the ceiling. Trying to clear your mind and think about it.

Rick, romantically. There was some fear there, as with everything, but... you knew he loved with all his heart. You could see it so clearly with Judith and Carl, he was a man of love. And you knew that, but what if you could see that part of him yourself? See all the inner workings of Rick Grimes.

You knew it'd be special, he'd make you feel like you belong -hell, he already did that. But, maybe that was the point. You imagined these late-night talks, just slightly different. A tick to the right. Maybe you sat closer, maybe he held your hand or wrapped an arm around your shoulder, or maybe you wiped away his tears, and pulled him into a hug.

He was a wonderful man, you knew that. You'd always known that despite the years of hatred -you knew he was a good man. A good man who was given an impossible choice.

You opened your eyes.

"Got a verdict?" he asked, still playful, but there was something else there in the softness of his tone. He was hopeful. There was something in you that twisted at that, long ago put to rest, dormant but maybe just this once?

"I'm interested."

[lxvenderjewel]

@falling-raine @patoslover @thearoacemess @starkstiless look guys 🤩

🛸 .。.:*°　🌙　•　　.°•　　🚀 ✯　.°• ★　*　　　°　　 .。.:*・°.　.°• 🛰 　°· 🪐.　 •　° 　 •  ☄ .。.:* ・°☆. •　.°•💫 .。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°

mutuals look we are in the planetarium together

[lxvenderjewel]

Get attacked! ✨🌈 SEND THIS TO OTHER BLOGGERS YOU THINK ARE WONDERFUL. KEEP THE GAME GOING 🌈✨

ILY VANNY!! GET ATTACKED AND LOVED!!!!!

UGAHHDIDHRU

gang I am not at home so I’ll just tag yall

@patoslover @neil-perrys-glasses @thearoacemess @falling-raine @anglptera @starkstiless @lovekenney @goodomensduh I wanna tag so many ppl but am tired

[rickswh0r3]

oh i’ll ride it

taglist : @itsgrimeytime @catt-leya @addicted2twd @starkstiless @blazemm98 @sinsandsweetness @urfavblackbimbo @andrewstinkylinky @eternalrose81 @marlboro-reds-13 @dxrkymxrchy @nadiasgf @taylormarieee @loveforcarl @virtualreader @versatilehater

if you want to join the taglist comment here

[itsgrimeytime]

Maneater (Part Two) || Rick Grimes (TWD)

Part One, Two

Taglist: @fuseburner @beltzboys2015-blog @gabrielleisalanastan @starkstiless

AVAILABLE ON AO3

Inspiration: Christmas Kids by Roar or 'You'll change your name, or change your mind and leave this fucked up place behind. But I'll know, I'll know-'

Summary: You and Rick Grimes had a backstory, one no one knew except you and him. It's one you refused to share, you never really wanted to get into it. All anyone needed to know was you hated the man. When you're in a rough spot, and you could use the shelter the question is... does he hate you?

TWS: Blood, gore, mentions of death, gun violence (just violence in general), family death, identity crisis, a panic attack, disassociation, crying, a touch of abandonment, swearing, grudges, and all things typical of TWD.

[[A/N: THERE WILL BE A PART THREE!! I feel kind of iffy about this one, but I think the story is nice buildup. Just for a more conclusive kind of story. And I tried to make it as realistic as I could.Thanks for reading !!!]]

You still hadn't cut your hair -it had to be all deadends at this point, no matter how heavily you washed it... it still seemed dirty.

It wasn't not on your mind, but you felt like it was a symbol. The longer hair, the torn clothes, it meant you weren't here for long... it meant you would move on, you wouldn't stay.

And yet, each morning, you woke up and chose to stay.

Part of you would say it was because of Carl, you'd missed out on so much -when was the last time you cared for someone so much?

The rest of you, though, knew it was deeper than that.

That's the thing, when you were abandoned that fateful night you weren't particularly guided. But you were. You wanted to belong -to be somewhere where there was a spot carved out for you, where you were missed.

And here it was.

It was here, as Carol came up to your door with an extra serving -not staying any longer than that, she tried so desperately to be in tune with your feelings. Or Maggie would offer her hand with anything -even offering to go get clothes after finding you didn't have anymore. On her tail, Glenn would offer you a place in whatever would come to mind -dinner parties, game nights, just some sort of campfire, anything. Daryl was the quiet one, simply leaning on the outside your porch as you sat on the steps; he didn't say it, but you always found him nearby when the world was too much.

And you hadn't asked for any of it -hadn't even thought to.

That night you don't know why it happened, but it had. It was like a switch, as you sat up straight in your bed. It wasn't like you could sleep anyway, you'd been particularly stuck that night. Memories flooding through your head of times when safety was so far... you didn't even think that it existed.

You were quick to the bathroom -taking your weapon with you, you wouldn't go anywhere without it. And stared.

The mirror was pristine, in a sort of way that made you wonder if it had ever been used. You had the urge to make it feel more lived in, distant flashes to an apartment. It was the first one you'd ever had, it was messy and colorful, and it was home.

Maybe you could make this house like that.

Your thought process was cut off as you detailed the changes in your face -scars and lines where they hadn't been before. It was odd, looking in the mirror, you'd expressly avoided it upon arriving -a dread of how long it had been inkling up your arms at the mere thought of how you looked.

It was an impulse, as your fingers carded through your longer hair -it didn't feel like you. Looking in the mirror, you didn't recognize yourself.

Maybe that was why, you'd begun chopping. Using your blade, which was covered in something you shouldn't be exposed to, probably, but there was something about you that just couldn't stop.

The hair was falling to the floor -spread all along the tile, and it felt like something you couldn't describe as you watched your appearance change. It was a mix of something you'd yearned to be, yourself, and all at once, everything you'd been through came to the forefront.

Remembering your family, the sad smile, and the thrashing of a jaw in place of you. You'd stepped too close, you hadn't known... The others hadn't lasted much longer, stress and broken hearts sent a sort of emotion that they could never get over. No matter how hard they'd tried.

You didn't know when you started crying, as you cut at the mess of hair on your head. The only way you'd even known you'd started was the blur of your vision -your face getting fuzzier in the reflection but at the same time more familiar.

Your scars weren't clear through your tears, and you saw a face you saw in family photos. In the cheesy school photos, you saw that person -not weighed down by things you'd thought would never come.

And here you were, you stopped. Your hair was shorter than before -littering the floor to prove it, and it looked like you again. Even though it was sloppy and there was a red tint for your poor choice of blade, you found someone familiar staring back.

You thought it would soothe everything -stop the sobs that racked your body, the memories that fluttered behind your eyelids.

And yet, as you played with the crooked ends, it somehow made it much worse.

You don't remember leaving the bathroom, much less the house. Your feet lead themselves, down the street and to the doorstep of an unsuspecting house. Initially, you'd been struck with the idea of Carol -she was kind and would help you with ease. But still, you somehow did not end up there.

You knocked.

Instead, you stood at the door of what you faithfully knew to be the Grimes house. It was easy to know which one it was -people circulating all throughout the day, and even more than often it was left unoccupied. Carl was off somewhere and Rick doing something to help Alexandria -the only one left was... the baby.

You didn't know much about her, and no one had taken it upon themselves to explain, you figured Rick wanted to. If he ever had the chance. You weren't sure you wanted to hear.

It was one thing to be confronted with Rick, but Lori? The woman had been one of the sole reasons you were set off, she'd lied to protect herself.

Well, you assumed she was Lori's. You guessed you truly didn't know, did you... did you want to?

Before you could answer that, the door creaked open and there was some part of you that hoped it was Carl. You'd have to explain much less-

He wasn't who you'd come there for, though. You knew that, deep down you knew that.

"What the hell is-" his voice was groggy and sleep-slurred -a pleasant sort of rough, you thought for a second before pushing that far away.

By the time his eyes connected with yours, he'd abruptly stopped speaking -an unsettled shock bright behind his eyes and a sort of worry in the crease of his brows.

"Y/N?" Rick questioned, his eyes trailing to the red-tipped edges and widening, "-Is everythin' alright?"

His hand was extended out like he wanted to reach out but hesitated. It was terrible to hate a good man.

You'd say that was why you started crying again, but you weren't sure. The tears felt as easy as breathing then, the blood dripping down onto your shoulder -your face was probably scrubbed red, and yet...

Without any more hesitation, his arm wrapped around you -ushering you inside, to safety. You hadn't even realized that you were shivering, the tank top and thicker pants were only really suitable for sleeping.

"Breathe," his voice was slow, and reassuring, and there was a part of you that felt scared (that you should run), but it slipped your mind as his fingertips brushed your shoulder -when was the last time you'd been touched?

"You're freezing."

As soon as it came, the touch left as he disappeared around the corner -muttering something close to stay. You couldn't feel enough to move, your mind anywhere except where you were. You felt like you were somewhere else -your life on the line, knives at your throat, guns at your temple, so close-

"C'mere," Rick spoke, hands on a heavy flannel -one you'd seen him wear a few times before.

For once, you didn't argue. The woodsy smell envelops you in a sort of grounding way -a voice screaming so distantly to get away, not him. Anyone but him.

You didn't listen.

He easily guided you to the couch, the living room.... his living room, and you could tell it. Ever so slightly. There was a worn picture in a too-big frame - a family photo, familiar faces, and on the corner of the rug a few toys. They were washed, but still somehow comfortably used -as if the baby had just been playing.

Rick sat next to you -respectfully, with a questioning look in his eyes that only made you think more about why had you come here of all places. He didn't speak the curiosity, merely brandishing a rag, "You mind if I...?"

You exhaled, your hands shaking at the expense of emotion you'd just been chasing, and shook your head. There was something safe here, in the hushed voices and dead silence of the night -even with Rick.

He was careful, scooting on the couch and decisively running the rag over your cheeks -despite tears following still, he cleared the stains. Thumb trailing after, skin-on-skin contact making you wonder once again how long it'd been. You were breathing deeply, watching the focus of his face -blue eyes intent and lips in a purse of determination. He was so close you could see all the differences, all the wrinkles and the bumps of his skin -it had been so long.

And after being sure he'd done what he could, his fingers moved to your hair. Taking the sections between his fingers and wiping away the red that stained there, still a soft touch that you could barely feel.

"There," he finished, still a little off-center with the fact that you'd come here but sitting back to scan over your face -eyes shining in a way you'd seen a few times, "-you gonna tell me why you're 'ere?"

"I don't know," you answered, wiping away at your eyes, "-I don't know why I came here."

"No, not-" he started, motioning to your tears, "-Although that's a good question, I mean why are you out at all? Why are you... It can't be anything good."

You fell silent, wondering exactly how comfortable you could be telling Rick Grimes what you'd gone through. What he'd inadvertently put you through -if he hadn't sent you away would you still be so-

"Nightmare?" he posed, not intimidating -not expecting an answer, not forcing you to speak a word.

You responded, voice hardly there and a bit curt, "Kind of."

Rick was quiet for a moment, before settling on something -almost a debate in his head, "I... I don't know if this is the right time for this, but... I've been thinkin' about it, and I'd like to hear about after I... After I kicked you out."

"What...?"

"I think," he exhaled, brushing his hand over his forehead -like he was frustrated and you stilled at the idea, "-Well, since ya told me you didn't want an apology, I've been tryin' think of a solution."

You didn't respond, but he apparently didn't need you too.

"For you, not-" he clarified, before sighing -seeming to recenter, "-Let me explain it better. You need closure, I can tell. Your shoulders are always hung so low from how much you carry-"

You softened at the fact he noticed that, against your will. There was still something fiery in the back of your head -clawing up to try and get its opinion back in place.

"-and I just thought... Well, what if I took it?"

"You..." you began, a little stunned at the idea, "-Rick, this isn't. That's not fair to you."

Rick replied, a deep regret seeded in his tone, "I wasn't fair to you that day. You know that."

You hummed in thought, the shaking of your hands slowing, and the blur of the world around you dispersing.

He huffed out a breath, a sort of defeat fizzling onto his tone, "I was the reason you were out there, it comes back on me-"

There it was, the heavy-laden guilt -so deeply rooted that you wondered if it had not shown up exactly when those words came out of his mouth all those years ago. There was a part of you that was glad to see it, a sort of twisted, broken person sat at the base of your stomach -agony for no one to hear. Relentless in the revenge of those who started your downfall.

Had he not lost too?

It wasn't quite like forgiveness, the way your mind settled upon it. It was more so that you were equals, in a sort of pain only this world could deal out. Your eyes flickered to the picture with Lori smilingly as beautifully as ever, and the empty space where you imagined she might be.

And that was only what you could gather. What else had he endured? What else had he lived through?

You thought maybe it was something similar to your own tale.

"Rick," you began, your voice was scratchy and your nose runny, but you remained confident, "-you don't have to do that. I think we've both suffered enough."

He opened his mouth to respond -slow and assured like he was choosing his words ever so carefully, "I want to. Really."

You looked at him then, there was something sincere in those blue eyes -something so honest and open and vulnerable. He really wanted to help.

"Okay, we can-" you started, voice soft against the cool night air, "-We can do that."

"Yeah?" He questioned, careful as if you were an animal who would scamper away and you kind of felt like one then. Afraid of the ginger closeness he was offering you, a listening ear. After he...

You exhaled, a big breath flooding through your chest -it was a peace offering, "Yeah."

The silence there was comfortable like the heaviness had shifted -maybe it was still there, but it was different now. You felt lighter already, even just at the idea.

"Hair looks good," he suddenly muttered, a quirk of a smile on his lips and you couldn't tell if he was teasing. The smile biting at his lip didn't help -it was something casual and friendly, something you yearned for.

It couldn't all be fixed in a night, but you were willing to try.

You rolled your eyes, unconsciously smoothing it on your head -a sort of hesitant grin biting up your lips, "Don't push it, Grimes."

[patoslover]

To all my homies and loveys and dovies (doves?) and angels and stars and elements and all and everyone and everything to ever exist.

You did good today. You're okay.

(I love you)

(thanks for everything)

Esp to the maggots <3

@aazrael-reaverr @tryan-a-bex @dandelionjedi @chaos-frog @littlewoggysaffle @starkstiless @apollos-dodgeball-target @samlikeslawnchairs @achilles-in-a-blanket-burrito @lxvenderjewel @eldritchdemonfox @0possil @prettycottagequeer @garnetgoose0-0 @styx142 @howmanyholesinswisscheese @queermarzipan @robinprinceofchaos @thearoacemess @goodomensduh @empressumbreon @cawdra @frogs-go-ribbit @myfranticscribbles @eybefioro @goblin-named-sam @ivory--raven @bea-n-art @aroaceblackhole @coppicegate @zonzolik @scales-n-art @saygeadvice @voids-ideas @the-beard-of-edward-teach @chaoticgenderflood @arkytiorlecter @dashoulinas-fandom-dump @koboldkatalyst @random-doctor-on-the-internet @friday-im-in-love-with-crowley @harbinger-of-existential-dread @an-ace-on-the-case @three-smiles-and-a-unicorn @1800ineedshelp @good-usernames-were-taken @falling-raine @orpiknight @sideblog-of-the-maggotdom @weirdly-specific-but-ok

goodnight :)

[lxvenderjewel]

thank you @patoslover for tagging me in this ask game

three songs that have been stuck in ur head:

Too sweet hozier

not like us Kendrick Lamar

Like real people do hozier

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[rickswh0r3]

yes, he makes that pu$$y rain 🎀🩷

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