#starchildz incorrect quotes

[starch1ldz]

Y/n, walking into the bullpen from the kitchenette with a cup of coffee: see the problem is, Elmo wants to go home, but Elmo can't because he has another fourty minutes! Elmo's gonna sue.

Emily, laughing: are you quoting sesame street right now?

Y/n: yes, and you would be too if you had to deal with Morgan for the last two days.

Spencer: He's been particularly insufferable this week.

[starch1ldz]

Venom au

Emily: I sleep with a knife under my pillow.

Morgan: Weak. I sleep with a gun.

Spencer: You’re both pathetic

Morgan: What do you sleep with?

Spencer: Y/n.

[starch1ldz]

Spencer: ... Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor?

Y/n: Your text told me to satanize the house before you got home.

Spencer: I wrote sanitize?

[starch1ldz]

Hotch: So why do you do your paper work in the gym?

Spencer, sipping coffee whilst watching Y/n do pull ups: For the aesthetic? I don't know, you tell me.

[starch1ldz]

Spencer: I'm gonna check it out

Bau!y/n: Cool, and I'll stay here and make spooky sounds. Oooooo

[starch1ldz]

Hotch: Do you want to explain the text you sent me last night?

Y/n: It was autocorrect

Hotch: Autocorrect wrote "you're so hot please step on me"?

Y/n: Yes

[starch1ldz]

Spencer: wait, how did this happen? We're smarter than this.

Genius!BAU!y/n shaking his head: apparently, we are not.

[starch1ldz]

Hotch: i think you have PTSD

Y/n: yeah i have PTSD

Y/n: Proficient Talent for Sucking Di-

Hotch: we ALSO need to talk about your use of humor as a coping mechanism

[starch1ldz]

Y/n: Momma didn’t raise no bitch.

Spencer: Actually your mother didn’t raise you at all.

Y/n: Okay, well, I know that, but not the point!

[starch1ldz]

Spencer: If I died-

Y/n loooking up from his computer: Death won't get you out of this relationship.

[starch1ldz]

Morgan: Who's the toughest person you know?

Spencer: Emily.

Morgan: ... who's the toughest man person you know

Spencer: Y/n

Morgan: okay that's just unfair

[starch1ldz]

Morgan: You're a psychopath

Unsub!Y/n, picking at his nails: I prefer creative actually

Spencer: Technically he's a sociopath, which is different.

[starch1ldz]

Morgan: Well werewolf boy over here-

Wolfdog!y/n: For the last time, Agent Morgan, I and a wolfdog hybrid. Not a werewolf!

Morgan: I don't really see the difference.

Wolfdog!y/n: The difference is, werewolves don't exist. I was genetically engineered by scientists to be a weapon. Also, if I was a werewolf, I would have eaten you by now.

[starch1ldz]

In the bau gc:

Penelope: SHARKS DON'T HAVE BONES??

Y/n: No, they have cartilage skeletons.

Emily: "I'm gonna send this to the gc watch y/n be like "oh you didn't know that already?"- Pen

Penelope: not in a bad way! I just knew you'd know.

[starch1ldz]

Wolfdog: I will kill them.

Hotch, sighing and taking him by his shoulders, pushing gently to lead wolfdog away: You will not kill anyone, you will sit down and have a cup of coffee and a muffin.

Wolfdog muttering: I don't want your stupid muffin

(But he follows along anyway because what else would he do?)

[starch1ldz]

Wolfdog!Y/n coming back to work after a night with Hotch

JJ: You've been tamed!

Wolfdog!Y/n: I have not been tamed.

Emily: Domesticated.

Wolfdog!Y/n: I have not-

Morgan: Bark, bark, that's you.