#star wars thorax

[gia-batmm-crickle22]

Yeah… I don't think any of Thrawn's kids are ready to go on missions yet lololol I mean, Charlie is, despite being youngest, but Sakurido and Thorax aren't XD

[the-tropes-are-hungry]

4 - The Cat Laughs

I don’t have a clue how long this Cat – Worm – Lamb pattern will hold considering the story I want to tell but for now it’s a good frame to work from. Have a cat in a hat with a spider and a squid.

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Shamura was never kind to him. It took him years to understand their concept of kindness was something else entirely.

A crown did as much as its bearer allowed, but the spider forbade him from using his to curb hunger, or stay sleep, or anything else truly useful.

“You are not yet grown, therefore have no true grasp of your abilities.”

“Then let me use them.”

They looked at him with their too many eyes and his vision fizzed. The shadows of thoughts, the web of impenetrable life woven around Shamura like their black and gold armor, the unflinching stare. Narinder was a predator in his own right, but they were something else.

Shamura was seated at the low table in their tent, discarded maps and the remaining bones of their dinner resting next to candle stubs. Narinder stood in the doorway where he’d burst in, and the spider remained perfectly still as they regarded him.

“Why?” they asked.

He stared at them, clutching his young anger.

“What do you mean, why? Because we’re fighting a war— because we’re losing one!”

Shamura watched him, listened to him, and answered with: “Our standing in this conflict is my burden, as our supplies are Kallamar’s, and growing is yours. Why should I let you use your crown when I do not believe you are ready?”

Ears back, his words keened past his fangs. “Because it’s mine.”

“It is yours,” the spider agreed, holding one long hand over their tea and calling the tiny ceramic cup into their grasp. “But that is not a reason to use it.”

“I don’t need a better reason.”

“You do, if you want my permission.”

“I don’t need your permission!”

“You do,” they squeezed the cup and his ears popped at the pressure change, black ears pressed to his skull and half-sheathed claws now soft against his palm. Shamura blinked slowly, one eye at a time from left to right, then right to left. “You do, if you want to leave my web alive.”

The entire camp was their web. Narinder had felt it after waking up the first time, sensed it without really knowing what about the ground upset his fur, why his whiskers twitched at every tent door and post, why his vision doubled and the stars moved too much at night.

He’d experienced it the first time one of Shamura’s soldiers, a beetle of all carapace and no sense, threw their meal on the ground and declared they’d had enough of rancid flesh and deserved something better.

The beetle had spasmed as, from everywhere and nowhere, silk threads snapped tight and pulled their limbs back before they could curl into a protective ball. Their glossy chitin didn’t mean anything as Shamura’s slow steps made the beetle’s heart quicken, then race, then thunder in Narinder’s ears. The spider had walked as slowly as possible to give every onlooker time to find a place to witness their judgment. One blue finger had trailed up from trembling thorax to mandibles, and the slender demigod rose up on six legs to tower over their prey.

“Very well,” they’d said, and a silk wire lopped the beetle’s head off. Several more tightened around still-squirming limbs until they detached. All Shamura visibly did was wave a dismissive hand at the wrist, and their web deposited the open body on the fire, belly up, for the camp cook to decorate with salt and herb and oil and simmer with his own armor acting as pot and pan to serve him.

It had been, Narinder hated to admit, one of the best meals they’d had since his arrival.

Shamura’s threads were already in his fur. They touched his wrists, his ankles, trailed against his black robe and irritated his whiskers. There was no tension in them, just the ghostly presence holding his chest and winding around his tail.

The spider sipped their tea.

“You are not yet grown, Narinder. I do not mean this metaphorically: your kind do not come of age until they are ten and six years old, but the males do not reach their true strength until twenty and eight. If you will not tell me why you must rely on your crown before you are ready, will you heed my reasons why you shall not?”

Shamura had already made up their mind and even the best reason in the world would not sway them. Still, to stop the growing pain in his throat and the burning in his eyes and the pressure in his nose, he bared his teeth again.

“When my mother taught me the sword, she gave me a sword to practice with.” The mere mention of her hurt. Speaking of her was like licking glass, or breathing fire, or being forever in this world without her. “I’m not saying let me fight the Green-Eyed Queen myself, but you’ve got to let me learn!”

Shamura nodded, but he swore the wisps of web grew thicker.

“The words you are looking for are, ‘I am afraid, and believe a better weapon will keep me safer.’”

They stood up, four legs moving sinuously beneath their black robe, four arms folded politely in pairs as they drifted across the tent toward him. One set of hands parted and they rested one cold palm against his bristled cheek. They had too many eyes and he never knew which ones to look at.

“If I clothed you in the strongest armor and then struck you one hundred times a day for one hundred days, it is true that you will stop fearing my blows and focus on hitting back. But if there is one day, not of your choosing, where I would make those hundred strikes on you without your armor, what would happen?”

His vision was blurring again, this time with frustration. His throat was growing tighter and it wasn’t Shamura’s silk. His chest and arms were trembling and the spider hadn’t struck him once.

“I would die.”

Shamura nodded, and released his face.

“That is why I will not let you use your crown to hold back sleep, because already you do not sleep enough. And I will not let your crown suppress your hunger, because you do not eat enough. And I will not let the crown make you stronger, or faster, or anything else you desire, because this weakness is born of things no crown can fix. You must train your mind. You must grieve your loss. You must let your body grow, child. Return to your duties.”

Duties. All Shamura had him do was practice symbols in wax and ink, and read the same marks off paper and metal. He was to learn the stars by different names, and the plants in their times and properties, and the many lands by their rulers and laws. Narinder’s duties were to grow his mind and eat hearty off the army’s stew pot, as if he were some kind of pet in the spider’s keeping.

He left with rage pulsing under his skin, humiliation turning his fur up as the silk whispers of the camp kept sticking to him, thickening around his ankles until he could almost see the strands. He sped up, all but ready to begin dashing past soldiers, and barracks, and cook fires and—

“There you are.”

His body stopped. A shimmering blue light encircled him and his muscles couldn’t move, his momentum halted. A webbed hand pressed warm to his shoulder before Kallamar’s spell vanished, and the third crown-bearer in this camp steered Narinder off his path between another set of random tents and tables, the squid’s long face pulled in an affable smile.

“Bold of you, to challenge Shamura directly,” he chittered. Narinder was only half-grown, but Kallamar was only just taller than him, too long, too nothing beneath his robes. “I can see how that went by the look on your face. No—don’t stop, be mad. Get it out. You can’t close a wound with the knife still inside.”

“What do you want?” Narinder asked, teeth clenched, whiskers flared as he kept walking and Kallamar kept pushing.

“To stop you from ending up on a spit,” he said. “Shamura is unkind, but rarely unreasonable. Come, running off will get you in trouble, but I’ve prepared something for you.”

Shamura and Kallamar had journeyed together for two years now, amassing followers and striking out at the Green-Eyed Queen’s champions: the Seven Toed Oak, the Marble Tongue of Dawn, and Ashblight. Shamura’s real target was the Wrath-Bringer, for their own reasons. Kallamar had come from the white waters of the Serpent, and beyond Shamura’s trust in him that was all Narinder knew.

Most of the followers in this camp were the spider’s. Kallamar’s followers were weepy-eyed creatures that hissed at the sun and plied their master with even more miserable gurgles than what Kallamar paid the spider.

There was something the Green-Eyed Queen possessed that Shamura wanted before taking their campaign elsewhere.

The mobility of Shamura’s forces was crucial, as staying overlong in any one place cleared the trees, dirtied the water, and ate the land barren. Never-mind counter attacks from the Queen’s champions.

Narinder had been with them a month. During the four battles this army of two hundred followers had fought he’d sat at Shamura’s heels with clean claws and sheathed blades and a leash short enough to call a belt-loop. Every time he saw Kallamar, the Serpent’s exiled son was either flustered with the logistics of keeping this army fed, or impatiently keening at Shamura to send Narinder out of earshot so they could speak.

The cat and the squid had never been alone together before now.

“Hurry up! Hurry up! I think you’ll hate this until you learn to love it.”

Narinder’s tail kept lashing. “You have the worst way of saying things.”

“Do you know what’s more fun than having a shard of the Serpent’s power sitting on my head?” Kallamar asked, the membrane of their face bubbling with their words as they tapped their crown.

“Leaving me alone?”

“Having my own power to wield as I like.”

Kallamar brought him to a freshly cleared bit of forest at the edge of the encampment. Fresh stumps littered the ground like boils, sweet sap still bleeding from the saw-marks. The squid kept giggling to himself, but trying to hide it with his mouth closed. The hrm! Hrm-hrmhrm!! Was enough to make Narinder’s claws itch. He’d never eaten squid before.

“First! An exercise I’m sure you’ve done before!” Kallamar wiggled his way forward and called back to him. He shook out his robe sleeves, getting shorter and squatter as his upsettingly fluid physiology squirmed around under his bipedal guise. With a delighted gurgle, he rose up and spread three tentacles from each sleeve, raising his new arms up with a flash of white.

Ten liquid bubbles gathered from the sap and soil, hovering over the stumps. “Ten seconds to destroy them all! Have at ye, young demigod!”

Narinder stared. “What?”

“Ten! Nine!”

Oh, he meant it.

Narinder’s reflexes were sharp, his legs always half-wound springs that sent him flying at the first bubble with claws out. Its skin was tougher than expected and his lead claw curled past it, but the dew claw on his smallest finger snagged it right and tore the bubble open.

A grotesque sploosh of half-warm-too-cold gelatine that sluiced down his leg and stayed there.

“What is this!?” Narinder shrieked, his voice splitting like hairs as his tail bristled.

“Six!! Five!”

He spun with three darts in hand that burst three bubbles, and vaulted another log with a hand at his sword to tear another. That made five, with only—

“Three! Two!!”

“Kallamar!” he roared back, his sword coated in the same blue ick as his robe and hand.

“Ding-ding-ding!! You lose!” The squid trumpeted, throwing his head back with laughter.

Lost? He’d lost? Narinder never lost anything. He never failed anything.  He couldn’t lose a game like this—one of speed and reflexes and sharpness, no!

“Again!” he shouted.

The laughing stopped. “Again?”

“Start it again!” He stomped his foot, sword dripping, his leg and hand so cold they felt numb.

“Hmm!” the squid put four hands to his wide chin, pouting. “Maybe! But I want my prize for winning first.”

Narinder stiffened, ears swivelling, weight on his toes. “What prize?”

Kallamar’s face split with far too many teeth at far too many angles. Narinder was a predator in his own right, a killer and a hunter, but his fur went rigid at the sight.

“Here, kitty-kitty, dodge this!”

The first unpopped bubble sailed straight at him. Narinder twisted with a yelp, but another crashed the back of his head and erupted with cold slime down his shoulders. He screamed. It didn’t hurt—it was cold and slick and horrible but it didn’t burn or bind or harm him, and the lack of danger made his screaming worse when he took two steps and was slammed at the knees by another bubble that took out his legs.

The last two pelted his back, one and then the other, and left him in an inch-deep puddle of viscous blue slime.

He pushed his face up, spitting, the fur on his cheeks dragging down long, his whiskers coated so thick he could barely breathe, his ears dulled with gelatine.

He was so fucking cold.

Kallamar was laughing to the cloudy sky overhead, the drip-drip of his tentacles slithering over the trampled grass.

“Oh! What fun, your poor face!” he cackled, wiping one webbed hand under his eyes to stop the tears.

Narinder bared his fangs, felt the cold slick trickle into his nose, and sneezed so violently his back arched.

Kallamar doubled over, wheezing, his eyes bulging in delight.

Narinder was cold, he was embarrassed, he was sopping wet. He was a month without his mother and denied his own power. He was stuck in a puddle of slime on a bright spring day with the sun parting the overcast sky and birds were singing and Kallamar was laughing and they were too far away from the edge of camp for anyone to see or hear them.

Narinder grabbed the tentacle that counted as Kallamar’s ‘foot’and yanked it. The squid yelped and tumbled down in a glorp. Before he could think twice or Kallamar could get away, Narinder slapped a handful of muddy slime in the other demigod’s mouth.

The sound Kallamar made was worth the laughter that burst out of Narinder. His goopy tail coiled around his bent legs as the alien sound scared his ears back and he reigned it in quickly, afraid of—just afraid.

Of Shamura? Of dying? Of the Green-Eyed Queen? Yes.

As quickly as he’d laughed, tears cut through the frigid slime, like embers down his cheeks.

His mouth trembled, spit and slime on his lips. He couldn’t breathe.

He would never see Mother again. She would not groom this ick off his fur, or run her claws over his ears, or warm him with her purr. Her tail would never twine with his, and she would not pick up his blade and hand it back, and she would not be with him, and she would not come back.

And Narinder was her Lord of Lords but he was twelve years old and frightened and alone and he had never been frightened and he had never been alone and he had never had to decide what to do and he had never been told what he could not do and—

“Me too.”

Narinder was sitting in this puddle sobbing like a kitten, and he couldn’t close his mouth or stop the sounds or the tears from hiccupping out of him. When Narinder looked at Kallamar, he expected everything except the broken hinge of the squid’s mouth, or the thick-rolling green slime that counted as his tears.

“I miss everything too,” he said. “Everything from before… this.”

“W-what happened?” one lost little boy asked the other.

“The Serpent was afraid of something,” Kallamar explained, his own tears rolling into his mouth. “They called everyone in to their temple, but I got caught in the tide pool that morning and couldn’t answer the gong. I watched the waves turn red, and the sea boiled, and then everything went dark. By the time I got out there was nothing left at the seabed, just this—this hole. Like a storm beneath the sea. Everything was gone. The coral, the vents, the sand, the kelp. Just dark water too scary to swim through, so I didn’t. They’re still down there, I think. They keep pulling everything inside, and Shamura thinks one day they’ll swallow the whole world.”

And that, two small children in two large crowns decided, was too much for them to think about.

They cried until they couldn’t cry anymore. This left Narinder only wet and too cold, and Kallamar dry and too hot, so when the cat scraped one hand down his slimy sleeve he smeared it on the squid’s ugly face.

This made Kallamar laugh.

“Here,” he said, taking Narinder’s hand in two of his. “Let me show you what I brought you out here for.”

It was a spell. A little mote of magical light between his tentacles that drew the wet ick from the fur and fabric down his arm. He wasn’t quite clean, but he wasn’t wet either.

“Now you try. But not with this,” he pointed at the crown. “Just this.”

He tapped Narinder’s forehead, where the fizziness and shadows and double-vision kept coming from.

“This is where your magic will manifest. It means you aren’t like other cats, so even without your crown you’re still something different, something else.”

“What else?”

Kallamar shrugged. “Whatever Shamura and I are. Demigods, they say.”

They practiced the spell together. It was finicky, but only difficult until Kallamar talked him through the noise in his own mind. They pulled the slime off his fur and ears and tail and clothes, and with the last of it the squid gurgled shyly in his throat.

“There was one other thing,”

“You have more one other things than you do arms.”

“No, this is actually it,” he bubbled. “You’re something else. You’re something between Shamura and I. You see, their body is hard and spiny on the outside, protected even without the armor they wear. Then there’s you, who grows your bones inside your body with the soft parts outside—which is bad design, really. You’re very poorly made.”

Narinder showed his teeth. He flexed his claws too. “As poorly made as a bag of water?”

Kallamar held up another bubble of slime. “I’m not afraid to use this.”

The cat relented.

“My point is,” Kallamar continued, holding the bubble in their lap and slowly running their tendrils over and around it, peeling off slime to slick themselves after sitting so long on the prickly grass beneath the blazing sun. “Neither of us can fight like Shamura. But you don’t have your own magic, and I don’t… Well, I know lots of magic. I know spells, and enchantments, and incantations, and charms, and curses. And you…”

Narinder followed the squid’s eyes this time, and snatched up Mother’s sword from beside him.

“No,” he said.

Kallamar quickly folded himself on his ‘knees’, leaning forward. “I don’t mean give me your sword, just practice! Or your knives? I saw you practicing with a rope dart the other day and it was so fast! Imagine if you could sling spells the same way, and I could carry a sword—or a staff. Can you use a spear?”

This felt… not allowed. It felt like breaking one of Shamura’s rules. Kallamar had real duties to the war, counting food and provisioning armor and setting up where tents could go and tables set up.

But Mother had always protected him, and Narinder had never had someone boldly ask him about what she’d taught him. “I… can?”

“What about a javelin?” Kallamar asked, eyes now alight. “A glaive? Shamura has a glaive, you’ve seen it, with the gold blade and obsidian handle?”

“I have.” He had. And he’d also seen… “…their sickle chain is faster than my rope dart.”

“It is!”

On that day, two boys made a pact with each other. The older would teach the younger magic, and the younger would teach the older weapons. Through their web the spider heard all of this, even the part where they struck a bet to see who would get to hold their glaive first. It made them smile.

To Shamura’s surprise, it was Kallamar who won the bet.

Surprise became wonder, as Narinder’s Third Eye opened right as his oath-brother raised the gold blade.

Somehow, both these achievements mattered more to the Demigod of Victory than the fact that they had just been split open, mandible to abdomen, by Champion Ashblight.

“Shamura?!”

“Shamura!!”

It was a good day to die.

[First] / [Prev] / [Next]

:)

I HC Kallamar is like 15/16 at this point.

[dailycharacteroption]

Races Among the Stars 6: Formian

Longtime competitors with the lashunta, today we are looking at a people that were once in the bestiary of Pathfinder, but now have a playable option!

Formians are a species of ant-like people with potent psychic abilities, which actually have their gaming origins in the earliest days of D&D. Back then, they were outsiders and denizens of the lawful neutral (bordering good) plane of Arcadia, where they acted communally but still gave their citizens free will. (this varied somewhat between editions, of course, with 3.x reframing them as being willing to enslave other species with psychic domination to supplement their workforce.

In any case, the formians of Pathfinder and Starfinder have a new look and are now entirely mortal.

In the distant past of Pathfinder, individual colonies warred with each other and with the lashunta. However, in the far future of Starfinder, formians on Castrovel, and indeed the wider galaxy, have mostly united under a single unified front, and even quelled their rivalry with the lashunta thanks to the intervention of shirren diplomats who were able to convince the formians that constant wars for expansion were untenable and did not serve the greater good of the hive.

And it is indeed the greater good that most formians strive for, each member serving the whole unquestioningly much like the ants they resemble. However, rather than being slaves to their own social structure, the formians look after their own, seeing to their medical care, happiness, and well-being, even if that well-being brings them to leave the hive.

As we will elaborate on further, the formians are interesting in that they clearly are working off deep-ingrained and useful instincts, but also benefit from the creativity and capacity to try new lines of thinking that can only come from true sapience. Ironically, they are perhaps even more capable of changing their ways than species and cultures with more individualistic denizens. If a new line of making makes sense and disproves the old one, they pursue it with uncanny uniformity.

 While they are sometimes described as being “ant-centaurs”, that descriptor doesn’t quite do them justice. Certainly they have a similar body plan, what with having four legs and two arms, but the long, slender formian legs are placed tighter together along with an abdomen that mostly hangs under the thorax, making this insectile species much more vertically aligned than one would expect from anything described as centaur-like.

They also don’t quite have the same facial profile as one would expect from an ant, having two forward-facing compound eyes as well as a trio of simpler eyes on the forehead. What’s more, their mandibles are more concealed than that of an ant. Workers also sport large storage glands on their backs, while warriors and greater castes sport a more spikey, armored carapace, all the way up to their queens, who sport powerful armored abdomens and sometimes even vestigial wings from their youth. Many formians decorate their carapaces with complex etched designs of various meanings as well.

 As mentioned previously, the formians live in an ordered society where each caste member fulfills their role, willing to sacrifice everything to ensure the survival and prosperity of their people. However, they are also a people that treats these individuals are an important part of the whole, allowing for freedom of expression (though preferably in a productive way), and even exiting the collective, such as hearing “the call”, an imperative to leave their colony to seek new meaning. Some use this to establish new colonies, while others seek new wonders for the hive, and so on.

Others don’t feel a call, but instead find no instinct to serve the hive as others do. In the past, such individuals were treated as mentally ill or defective, but thanks to the efforts of shirren allies, these deviants are treated with greater respect and given the opportunity to adapt to individualistic life elsewhere.

 The playable formian stats, which can represent a worker, warrior, or other formian caste without special innate powers, are strong and tough, but are often lacking in insight, preferring to leave that to their leaders or those they look up to for guidance.

Adapted to tunnel life, they have both excellent nightvision and a keen sense of smell.

They also exhibit limited telepathy much like their lashunta neighbors.

While not quite as strong as their ancient past, formians sport strong jaws and claws which they can use in a pinch.

The composition of their carapace also makes them resistant to extreme sonic frequencies as well.

 Some formians, however, are alates, reproductively viable individuals that will become queens or their consorts. These individuals lack the strong natural weapons or the resilient carapace of their kin, but sport functional wings!

 With their strength and toughness, formians are well-suited to combat classes like soldier, solarian, nanocyte, and vanguard. However, they can also be strong operatives that can weather harsh outdoor conditions. Their lack of insight but no penalty to intellect means they probably favor studious biohackers, while they probably favor either exocortex mechanics or a drone or other alternate device that suits the role they with to play. Evolutionist could be interesting for one seeking to use their own bodies to find a way to improve all formians, or perhaps rare individualists seeking a personal path to perfection. While some tread the path of a spellcaster, they find some difficulty with the magus class, though those that do stand tall among the precogs, technomancers, and witchwarpers among them.

 That about does it for today, but I hope you can see that the formians, despite the seeming conformity and focus on the bigger picture, are much more than mindless, hive-minded automatons serving tyrannical queens.

[wuxiaphoenix]

Worldbuilding: People Like Us

I was watching an episode of Unfettered Shogun, many of whose episodes can be found here on Archive.org. And it struck me how many tropes we think of as modern were here in 1700s guise. Traveling entertainers who are actually seeking information on the whereabouts of someone who “mysteriously disappeared”. Said lost at sea guys actually being the kidnapped experts who created the Secret Formula! (How to make expensive white sugar from local brown sugar.) A dogged investigator tracking down details that indicate Foul Play has occurred. There was even a case of “impersonate the chauffeur”; a ninja knocked out a boatman and took over poling so he could listen in on the Evil Plotting.

It had, in short, everything you might want out of a heist or detective show. Just in Tokugawa Japan, with swordfights instead of a shootout.

And that’s the way stories should be. The setting and cultures may change, but whatever your story, people are still people. Ancient Egyptians tried baldness cures. Victorians had nipple piercings. I have no doubt that colonists in the next solar system we get to will be checking the news flimsies for the latest 3D vid star gossip, border skirmishes between Mars and the Belt, and their lucky numbers.

I think this gets lost in a lot of fantasy and SF. On the one hand, fair; if you’re writing a Heroic Story you may not want to get bogged down in all the petty details of people keeping up with the Joneses. (Or the Rameses.) On the other hand....

“The Fate of the World is At Stake!” only gets you so far. You can tell one, maybe a couple Grand Stories that way. And they can be great stories! Who doesn’t love Star Wars, or ID4?

But if you want to make a long series with recurring characters, the kind readers and viewers know they can kick back with again and again... you may want more human-scale problems. Jewel thefts. A family get-together that has to go right; or at least not so wrong the fire department’s called in. Illegally imported bunnies.

(That last is how A Swift Kick to the Thorax starts. Sample looks good; plan to get the book when I can.)

People love stories larger than life. But they also love seeing people like them - maybe a little prettier, maybe a little luckier - come up against the most annoying of life’s problems and find some kind of solution. Whether that solution is getting swept off your feet by a noble alien warlord or setting the boss’ car on fire is up to you.

I personally have a taste for “rewarding good and punishing evil”, which is clearly seen in Unfettered Shogun. But I’m also good with Zankuro, another jidaigeki where the low-ranking samurai so named scrapes out an unconventional living a la Harry Dresden or Jim Rockford, never able to do more than break even when the next bill comes due. But he has friends, and at least he does manage to break even. We should all be that lucky.

Make your worlds fantastic. Make your stories awesome. But never forget your characters are people. And when you deal with people, with all their drama and weirdness... you never know what might happen next!

[the-rhyme-witch]

Hey, hey, Milky Way! You've tuned into Senate Translate. You can call me Deniscuit. It isn't my name, but if we get caught on intergalactic naming we could be here all day and the universal translators we've got stuck to our thoraxes will burn out into the bargain! So, I'm Deniscuit and I'm here today to explain the trial currently occuring in the senate this rotation for our lingo-audio intergalactic audience.

Today's trial, planet dwellers, is following up from our recent coverage of the inexplicable crusade of the people of Earth. For those of you who don't know, Earth is a water based, G-type main sequence star orbiting planet way way out in Orian-Cygnus. The dominant terrestrial species peopling that planet are humans, which have been causing a lot of trouble on the intergalactic stage- wait what?

...

....Ok, listeners, our producer Sickxpaeln has informed me we need some background, hang on....

Ok. So, humans are pretty weird, but we none of us can help how we are made. They keep their squishiest bits on the outside and they focus a lot of their senses into one area called the head. Though they have four limbs, they get around by a series of controlled falls from one limb to another. So, they are pretty unusual! Evolution in these backwater galaxies is niche, amirite?

They aren't a psychic species but they have evolved to get around this. It is pretty crazy! They have multiple systems of markings they can make, shapes they can make, noises they can make and even smells they can make and they have developed a complicated language. They also -and this is pretty unique to this people -have a strong emphasis on individual hallucinations because they have developed what some in the galaxy are calling "inner minds" to interpret the information their senses give them and fill in the blanks. That's right, this species lives in a constant state of personal hallucinations! It's almost unbelievable! And what is more amazing is that they use their communication methods not only to describe their inner minds to others of their species but to pass them on, almost like a hallucinatory virus.

Which brings us to the senate today. Humanity has been waging a vicious war on other planets and has left a swathe of destruction in their wake. They have informed the Galactic Senate that they are "freeing the slave planets".

Now for this, we wanted to get Local Fluff Interstellar Cloud linguistics expert 01001100 01101001 01101110 01100111 01110101 01101001 01110011 01110100 to speak. They are caught up with the trial but have sent the following noise sequence (those on solar manuals, turn your translator dial to binary)

"The origin of this problem lies in the human approach to life but specifically in this case a word called "slave". Humans as a species have a range of dialects so vast over their origin planet that they cannot often understand eachother but many have this word "slave", such as "dorei" or "shklaf" or "taurekareka", and the meaning is typically a being considered people owned by another being considered people in a way that forces the slave to do the bidding of the owner".

So, as you can hear, listeners, this is a very specific concept. Humanity as a whole considers slavery to be a negative thing and to understand this we need to remember their constant state of individual hallucination. When an individual becomes fixated on their own internal hallucination as truth, we call that a belief. When these beliefs are spread to others within the species they form specific categories of group hallucinatory agreement, which our speaker splits into terms called "religion" and "law" and "economics". Now, many planets have their concept of law so I will not over explain, but to understand the core of this problem, in human society, value is perceived often as separate from true requirements of life. Human societies have affixed value to tokens made of metals and dessicated plant based life forms and will willingly spread suffering for these inedible and impractical tokens.

Which brings us to the crusade of the humans. Humans are dangerously territorial and can be possessive of items, territory and even lifeforms. In human history, it has been known that individuals would aggressively subdue others of their own species, assign them value according to the group hallucinatory agreement of token value and then cause suffering to these individuals of their own species, taking their autonomy!

It is a hard concept, listeners. They consider the victims of this aggression and suffering slaves.

The crux of the problem has been that humans as individual units can function appropriately but their altruistic tendancies appear unable to function in groups. Studies have suggested that such individualistic species suffer when faced with large social gatherings because behavioural props they use in normal life are gone. Isn't that interesting? This has meant that humans have struggled to understand symbiotic interplanetary relationships, such as CricxLichon and Fehs interstellar interactions, and have instead imposed their own concepts on it. Altruism for this species appears unfathomable on such a large scale and they have named it slavery and attacked what they perceive to be the aggressive planets in life-ending atrocities rarely seen-

-oh! Wait! We have news from the trial! It seems a group of humans have begun arguing with others of their own species! They cannot agree!

Stay tuned, listeners, for what is shaping up to be a bizarre blip in galactic history!

After a long and bloody war Humanity stands before the galactic senate on trial for committing one of their worst war crimes: Freeing slave worlds.

[xasha777]

In the heart of the bustling metropolis of Neo-Pollinata, where buildings scraped the skies and neon lights replaced stars, there was a unique corporate hive buzzing with activity. The drone of keyboards was the symphony of progress, and in the midst of it all, there stood an extraordinary figure — Mr. Buzzley, the bee-human hybrid, renowned as the CEO of HoneySolutions Inc., a company that led the way in biotechnological advances.

Mr. Buzzley was no ordinary leader. His eyes, as deep and reflective as pools of midnight oil, saw through the company's data like a predator spots its prey. He wore a suit tailored from the finest materials that the new world provided, a fusion of spider silk and synthetic fibers. His hands, though rough and bearing the textured skin of his apian ancestry, moved with a surprising gentility that belied their appearance.

HoneySolutions Inc. had achieved a breakthrough that was about to revolutionize the world: a Density Gradient Fluid that could alter the weight and density of objects with just a simple application. This fluid had the potential to change transportation, construction, and even space travel. But the secret to its success was not just in its science — it was in its source, a rare flower that bloomed once every decade, pollinated only by a specific species of genetically modified superbees.

These bees were Mr. Buzzley's kin, created from the same gene-splicing technology that had given him life. They had a symbiotic relationship with the company, and Mr. Buzzley was their guardian and their voice. Under his leadership, the bees thrived, the company prospered, and the world stood on the cusp of a new era.

On the morning that changed everything, Mr. Buzzley strolled through the hive of cubicles, his antennae picking up the subtle shifts in the air, the faint electrical charge of innovation at work. He stopped at a large glass wall, peering into the lab where the Density Gradient Fluid was being refined.

There, in a tank of swirling iridescence, floated objects of varying densities, from feather-light alloys to dense metals that now bobbed like apples in water. It was a dance of potential, a visual symphony of science and nature blended into one. Mr. Buzzley's thorax vibrated with a hum of approval, a sound that resonated with the workers, encouraging their diligence and sparking their creativity.

But success breeds envy and danger. A rival corporation, led by the enigmatic Dr. Xenon, sought to claim the Density Gradient Fluid for their own. They planned to use it for less altruistic means — to weaponize it, to control markets, to manipulate the balance of power. And they knew that the key to their ambitions lay in capturing the superbees that pollinated the miraculous flowers.

The day the rival drones attacked was a day of chaos. The skies darkened with their sleek forms, and the air filled with the electric whine of their wings. Mr. Buzzley was ready. He rallied his workers, not just those in suits, but the winged guardians of his lineage. It was a battle that raged amongst the clouds, a flurry of stingers and lasers, a cacophony of human shouts and insectoid war cries.

As Mr. Buzzley fought, he realized that the world he existed in was a fragile construct, as delicate as the wings that carried him. He understood that the future was not in dominating nature or technology but in harmonizing them. With a final, determined effort, he led his kin in a counterstrike that would turn the tide.

The battle ended with the setting of the sun, the rival drones retreating like shadows at the approach of light. And as Mr. Buzzley stood amongst his colleagues and kin, a hero not just of HoneySolutions Inc. but of a balance between worlds, he knew that their work was just beginning.

For in the end, the Density Gradient Fluid was more than a scientific marvel — it was a message, a reminder that the universe was vast, variable, and ever-changing. And it would take all kinds — human, bee, and everything in between — to navigate the complexities of the future.

[talonabraxas]

The Heptagram of the Seven DaysThe Heptagram of the Seven days is a particularly interesting way to view the order of the celestial bodies. If reading clockwise from the top-most symbol, it is the order of the planets from the Geo-centric Qabalistic model: Saturn, Jupiter, Mars, Sol, Venus, Mercury, Luna. If read following the lines of the Heptagram, one gets the days of the week: Saturday (Saturn’s Day), Sunday (Sun’s Day), Monday (Moon’s Day), Tuesday (Tiw’s Day, Norse War God), Wednesday (Wodin’s Day), Thursday (Thor’s Day), Friday (Frigga’s Day, Norse Love God.) Crowley attributes this realization to Frater Deo Duce Comite Ferro, S.L. MacGregor Mathers. This is one of two different kinds of Heptagrams. This version is known as 7/3 Heptagram, as each line connects the planet that is three planets away. The other version of the Heptagram is called a 7/2 Heptagram, and is used for the Seal of A∴A∴. DANCE OF THE SEVEN VEILS “The seven spheres attached to the seven planets symbolize seven principles, seven different states of matter and spirit, seven different worlds which each man and each humanity must pass through in their evolution across a solar system.” – The Wisdom of Egypt7 the sum of my name YOSRA HARZALLAH7 Daughters of Atlas7 Stages of Alchemy - Calcination, Dissolution, Separation, Conjunction, Fermentation, Distillation, Coagulation.7 Hermetic principles - Mentalism, Correspondence, Vibration, Polarity, Rhythm, Cause and Effect, Gender.7 Notes of the musical scale.7 Systems of Symbolism - numbers, geometrical figures, letters, words, magic, alchemy, astrology.7 Rays of Light - Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Purple, Violet.7 Planets of Antiquity - Moon, Mercury, Venus, Sun, Mars, Jupiter, and Saturn.7 Churches of Asia Minor7 Personality Types - Lunar, Mercurial, Venusian, Solar, Martial, Jovial, Saturnine.7 Days of Week - Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday.7 Arch Angels - Michael, Gabriel, Raphael, Uriel, Chamuel, Jophiel, and Zadkiel.7 Metals of Antiquity - Lead, Tin, Iron, Copper, Mercury, Silver, Gold.7 Chakras - Muladhara, Svadhisthana, Manipura, Anahata, Vishuddha, Ajna, Sahasrara.7 Emotive Spheres of Kabbalah7 Seals.7 Root Races, each with 7 sub-races7 Days of Creation7 Virtues - Faith, Hope, Charity, Fortitude, Justice, Prudence, Temperance.7 Vices - Pride, Envy, Anger, Sloth/dejection, Avarice, Gluttony, Lust.7 Stages of Man - the infant, the school-boy, the lover, the soldier, the judge, the elderly man, the senile one.7 Liberal Arts - grammar, rhetoric, logic, arithmetic, music, geometry, and astronomy - the first three in the Trivium, the latter four in the Quadrivium.7 Wonders of the Ancient World - Pyramids of Egypt, Hanging Gardens of Babylon, Statue of Zeus at Olympia, Temple of Artemis at Ephesus, Mausoleum of King Mausolus at Halicarnassus, Colossus of Rhodes, Pharos Lighthouse at Alexandria.7 Headed Hydra7 Headed Lion7 Headed Dragon7 Headed Serpent7 Seas - Arctic, Antarctic, North and South Pacific, North and South Atlantic and the Indian Ocean.7 Continents - North America, South America, Africa, Europe, Asia, Australia and Antarctica.7 Seven Sisters of the Pleiades star system.7 Parts to the embryo - Amnion, Chorionic Villi, Spinal Cord, Heart, Brain, Umbilical Cord, Yolk Sac.7 Parts of the body - Head, Thorax, Abdomen, Two Arms, Two Legs.7 Major Organs - Brain, Heart, Lungs, Stomach, Intestines, Liver, and Pancreas.7 Glands - Pineal, Pituitary, Thyroid, Thymus, Adrenal, Lyden and Gonad.7 Divisions to the brain - Cerebrum, Cerebellum, Pons Varolii, Medulla Oblongatta, Corpus Callosum, Spinal Cord, Meninges.7 Parts to the inner ear - Vestibule, Auditory Canal, Tympanic Membrane, Ossicles, Semi-circular Canal, Cochlea, Membranous Labyrinth.7 Parts to the retina - Cornea, Aqueous Humor, Lens, Vitreous Humor, Retina, Sclera, Iris.7 Cavities to the heart - Right and Left Ventricle, Right and Left Atrium, Tricuspid Valve, Mitral Valve, Septum.7 Body systems - Muscular, Skeletal, Nervous, Digestive, Respiratory, Excretory, Circulatory.7 Bodily functions - Respiration, Circulation, Assimilation, Excretion, Reproduction, Sensation, Reaction.7 Levels in the Periodic Table of the Elements.…and, of course, the 7 Dwarfs.“The Principles of Truth are Seven; he who knows these, understandingly, possesses the Magic Key before whose touch all the Doors of the Temple fly open.” –The Kybalion“And God created seven Heavens and seven Earths, and through them all, descends His Command.” – scriptural translation

[forestthechonkykitty]

Hmm well let’s see how many fandoms I’ve got…

1) Tanz der Vampire- Graf von Krolock

2) My Little Pony- Thorax or Daybreaker- I’m torn 😭

3) Bleach TYBW- As Nödt

4) Les Mis- Javert. Enough said.

5) Harry Potter- Minerva McGonagall

6) Frankenstein (the ballet)- FRANKENSTEIN ON POINTE

7) Death Note- L

8) Star Wars- Han Solo

9) Dracula- QUINCEY MORRIS

10) Shrek- Shrek

Tagging (no pressure!) @mamasvamp @hollowwraith @mangledpuppet @harrissun

10 characters, 10 fandoms

Rules: list your favorite character from ten separate fandoms, then tag 10 people.

Thanks go to @nists for tagging me.

Star Trek- Data

Alien(s)- Bishop

The Eternal Champion- Elric

Ghost- Cardinal Copia/Papa IV

Detroit: Become Human- RK900

Murderbot- Murderbot

Beetlejuice- Beetlejuice

Aeon Flux- Aeon

Hellsing- Alucard

Space Odyssey series- Dave Bowman (as the star child/disembodied consciousness)

If you haven't already done this, please consider yourself tagged. I am tagging you.

[porlovistoeinmasochist]

I have been having fun all in all with the series, it has given me more of Anakin/Vader which is really all I want of Star Wars. And this episode was amazing in that regard, it gave us more of the fact that Anakin is Vader, Vader is Anakin. How the flashback cuts to Vader, its Vader remembering Anakin waiting for Obi Wan to do a training duel, those are Vaders memories. The guy ruminating about all of Anakins memories, as Vader. I loved that!

Also they are giving us true Eldritch Abomination Anakin, Vader, just bringing down the ship and ripping it apart. Yes! That is the cosmic horror, the nightmare of the galaxy, an actual offspring of the force. I was sooooooo afraid, because before watching I saw some spoilers, and my One (1) fear is a watered down Vader, the fun of this guy is that he is the worst with god like powers, just rampaging and doing evil with forces nobody comprehends, while staying enslaved, to the guy who is evil incarnate, through the power of apathy, guilt and self loathing. So I was cheering him on! Look at my rampaging guy go! Allow him to go batshit crazy!

And the duel, him just playing with his food! No effort on his part, just perfection! But here is where my griping starts: whyyyyyy didn’t he kill Reva?….besides her having now plot armor….just snap her neck, cut off her head, anything, he is normally so efficient in disposing of people. The falshy burning and then letting escape stick is reserved for his special obsession of obi wan. But if this would have been XY employee of him he would have killed her. I know he is trapped inside a mobile torture device and is just apathy in person, full of rage, pain, guilt and self loathing, but if he excels at ONE thing it’s freaking MURDER. So letting her live makes so no sense….

And not only him, but the Grand Inquisitor, who is alive, because why not, will it be explained how he survived a lightsaber through his thorax? He also just taunts….and lets her alive…and its just the absurd trope of ‘evil guys are dumb’ that just….meh.

[urktheturtle]

The end of this project is within sight, there are only two clans left after this one... The Singing Mountain Clan, and the Nightsisters. Warning, lots of fanon ahead. So today, we have the very important Spiderclan. The most reviled and hated clan on Dathomir, hated by all other clans. They splintered off the Nightsisters relatively recently, and follow the book of Shadows, but there tradtions are "all messed up" to put it mildly. The witches of the Spider-clan are called the Nightspiders, and the leader of the caln is called The Queen Mother and is a giant spider that they believe is a manifestation of the Ur-spirit of spiders. In actuality, their leader is a nightspider which who claims to "speak" for the Queen Mother. It is generally understood that this tradition is connected to the tradition of the nightsister worship of The Sleeper as an Ur-spirit of aquatic life. The Spiderclan has also taken to domesticating giant spiders found on dathomir, such as the Kiin'dray (literal translation "gaping spider") and the Baneback Spider. After the Nightssiter Genocide, the Spiderclan was the first target of the Nightsisters. With the remaining nightsisters raiding their clan and stealing children in the night. In terms of design, i based the Spider-clans tattoos on spider thorax markings, I based the male ones markings on an Orb Weaver, and the female characters markings on a generic spider I found, and the Star Wars Galaxies trading card game art. The man is Weathur, and the woman is Korse. Why these names? I dont know. Unlike the last few, these two are not dating, they are in fact... bitter Ex's, who cannot stay out of each others business and despite their best judgement keep waking up in the same bed together.

[ryqoshay]

Unstable World: Attack on Prism

Flagship: EmmaKanaKarin Also Starring: Setsuna, Ai, Rina Rating: T Words: 584 AU: A war-torn dimension other than our own Time Frame: Sometime before the main story Event: Promptober 2022 Event Source: Idol Fanfic Heaven channel on Discord Prompt: Carapace

---------

Author’s Note: Bonus 2nd entry for Oct 28th

Summary: General Emma heads to Prism to defend the city from invasion

---------

“General Verde!” A corporal burst onto the bridge. “Reports coming in of rifts appearing near Prism City.”

Karin sneered. Had the Paragon discovered Rina’s new lab? She glanced over to see concern on Emma’s face, as she was liking thinking something similar.

“All hands!” Emma called. “Prepare for maglev transit to Prism City!” She then turned to Lieutenant General near her and asked in a softer voice, “Karin-chan, would you mind waking Kanata-chan?”

“Of course.” Karin nodded.

A tense half hour later, the Montagna and its battalion of smaller tanks arrived to find a city under siege. Prism’s defenses, with aid from Setsuna's Firestorm Chasers, appeared to be holding against the usual Paragon ground forces. However…

“What are those?” Kanata asked, popping her head out of the hatch of the Dream Buster.

“Bug… tanks?” Karin replied from the Vivid Striker.

Amid the rear ranks of the Paragon forces, behemoth creatures scuttled about, not on treads or wheels, but on giant legs. Tank-like turrets were mounted into the backs of some that could pass as ants, while the horns of… what were they called again? rhinoceros beetles? had been reconstructed as giant artillery cannons. And, skittering through toward the forward ranks were what appeared to be huge centipedes.

As if giant airborne sea creatures cursed into servitude as airships weren't enough. Karin thought to herself. Now they've found some giant bug world to raid?

“The cavalry has arrived!” Setsuna cheered, swooping low to hover between Kanata and Karin's tanks. “Ai-san and I have been having trouble with these big bugs. They seem to have ablative carapaces that are resistant to our plasma.”

“And despite their size, they seem pretty good at dodging Rinari's artillery.” Ai added over the comm, still engaging the enemy.

“Then we will have to see how they like Vesuvius.” Emma responded from the bridge of the Montagna. “Evergreen Battalion! Advance!”

The tanks tread forward. Kanata and Karin broke off with their squadrons to deal with the ant tank and centipede things while Emma directed the rest toward the beetle artillery units.

“Kanata-chan’s gonna squish you!” The brigade’s other Lieutenant General drawled as the Dream Buster rammed through the middle of a centipede.

Ablative armor or no, the creature crumpled with the force of the blow, earning cheers from nearby Prism troops. More cheers responded to the Vivid Striker firing point blank into the head of an ant, blasting straight through to its thorax and causing an explosion within.

Now it’s Emma’s turn. Karin swiveled her position to watch.

Sure enough, the Vesuvius canon was already glowing. Then, with a titanic rumble, molten lava sprayed the nearest beetle.

Well, it wasn’t actually lava, rather a lava-like substance invented by Rina that could be superheated beyond the normal range of the real volcanic stuff. Or something like that, Karin didn’t understand the specifics. But it also stuck to surfaces better than napalm, allowing it to melt through darn near anything. Even Paragon enhanced ablative giant insect carapaces.

The tides of battle had turned. More troops poured out of Prism, leaving their defensive positions to go on the offensive. In less time than it took to traverse the distance to the city, the Evergreen Battalion eliminated the invading Paragon.

“Thank you, Emma-san, Kanata-san, Karin-san.” Rina’s voice came over the comm as the battle came to its victorious conclusion. “Please come in to refuel and restock.”

The Prism City gates opened and the brigade made their way in to relax after a battle well won.

---------

Author’s Note Continued: Definitely need to expand this chapter.

[stinkybott]

YAAAY THX FOR THE TAG 😻💕

1.- Invincible - Robot/Rudolph Conners

2.- Slugterra - The Shadow Clan

3.- Buzz Lightyear of Star Command - Evil emperor Zurg

4.- The Legend of Zelda - Phantom Ganon

5.- Transformers - Bludgeon

6.- Neon Genesis Evangelion - Asuka or Pen Pen

7.- Five Nights at Freddy's - Funtime Foxy

8.- Star Wars - Captain Fordo or Boba Fett

9.- My Little Pony - Thorax

10.- Helluva Boss - Ozzie/Asmodeus

Tags: (no pressure!)

@kellyshadowolf

@dazzzersart

Anyone else is welcome to join!!♡

10 fandoms/ 10 characters/ 10 tags

thanks for the tag! @might-as-well-happen 🥰

not in any order, just whichever fandom i thought of first

Batman - Tim Drake

Percy Jackson - Annabeth Chase

Chronicles of Narnia - Lucy Pevensie

Vox Machina (animated show) - Keyleth

the Owl House - Willow or Eda

Attack on Titan (anime) - Levi Ackerman

Fruits Basket (anime) - Tohru Honda

Six of Crows - Inej Ghafa

Star Wars - Anakin and Ahsoka and Obi Wan (they’re all tied for first)

Heartstopper - Tori Spring

just for fun so don’t feel like you have to do it if you don’t want to. i’m tagging: @resilientnarnian @queenofnevermore @edgemcjee @nodesiretogrowup @aike-pandas @absentplatypus @a-commas-a-pause @avayarising @maliagf + anyone else who’d like to play!

[skyfire85]

Colossus Wasps and Ithullan Ore Haulers

Hailing from the Stenness Node region and specifically the world of Ithull, Colossus Wasps were titanic insects that averaged between 1 and 1.5 kilometers long with wings up to several hundred meters in length. The wasps spent most of their time migrating from world to world, consuming cosmic rays, stellar radiation and occasionally other interstellar creatures like space slugs.

Their large size and adaptations for living in space gave the native sentients of the Node the idea to collect the corpses of wasps that had naturally succumbed and convert them into space ships. Despite the Nessies’ insistence that only wasps that had died of natural causes be used, the high bounty placed on intact carapaces meant that more than one group resorted to poaching, not an easy hunt given the wasps’ large size.

Once a wasp body was secured, the Nessie engineers began modifying the shell for use as a transport by removing the internal organs to make room for crew spaces, generators, computers. a command deck and the all important cargo holds. In order to maximize the available space, two ion engines were mounted to the outside of the abdomen for realspace travel, while maneuvering surfaces and jets were attached to the legs. Two heavy turbolasers in the thorax and several lower-powered blasters gave the Ore Hauler defensive firepower against pirates, and the wasps’ own thick shells provided ample protection against radiation, micrometeoroids and pirate blasters.

Sources: The Essential Guide to Vehicles and Vessels, The Official Star Wars Fact File, Tales of the Jedi 4, Wookiepedia 

[femdomdiaries]

Fandoms I Can Write For

Plus some of my favorite characters:

*= current interest and takes priority

To be added to

Anime

-Attack On Titan: Levi, Eren, Jean, Niccolo

-Black Butler: Sebastian, Claude

-Death Note: L

-Demon Slayer: Tanjiro, Inosuke, Gyutaro, Tengen, Yuichiro, Aizetsu

-Fruits Basket: Kyo

-Haikyuu*: Oikawa, Kenma, Tsukishima, Tanaka, Nishinoya

-Hunter x Hunter: Illumi, Meruem

-Inuyasha: Sesshoumaru

-Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure: Fugo, Purple Haze,

-Jujutsu Kaisen*: Gojo, Sukuna, Itadori, Nanami, Megumi, Toge, etc

-Kamisama Kiss: Tomoe, Mizuki, names i forget

-My Hero Academia: Bakugo, Amajiki, Hawks, Dabi, Shinso, Monoma

-Naruto: Shikamaru, Gaara, Kakashi, Itachi,

-One Punch Man: Genos

-Ouran High School Host Club: Hitachiin Twins

-Seven Deadly Sins

-Tokyo Revengers: Draken, Mikey, Baji, Chifuyu,

TV Series

-American Horror Story: any Even Peters character

-Avatar The Last Airbender: Zuko,

-Gravity Falls: Bill Cypher

-Hamilton

-Hazbin Hotel: Alastor

-Miraculous*: Luka, Chat Noir,

-My Little Pony: Thorax, Braeburn

-Once Upon A Time

-Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Turtles obvi

-Stranger Things: Steve, Billy

-The Good Place

-The Mandolorian: Mando

-The 100

-The Walking Dead: Negan, Daryl

-Transformers Prime*: Knockout, Breakdown, Preda King, Ultra Magnus, Dreadwing, Optimus

-The Vampire Diaries: Klaus, Elijah, Damon

Books/Movies/Webtoons

-Disney

-Divergent

-Lookism

-Lord of The Rings

-Marvel

-Maze Runner

-Narnia

-Omniscient Reader

-Percy Jackson and the Olympians

-Pirates of the Caribbean

-Star Wars

-The Hunger Games

-Twilight

Video Games

-Apex: Mirage, Fuse, Bloodhound (yes)

-Bendy and the Ink Machine

-Deltarune: Roulxs

-Detroit Become Human: Connor, Ralph, Markus, Jerry

-Fire Emblem: Keaton

-Five Nights At Freddy’s: Glamrock Freddy, Sun and Moon

-Genshin Impact

-Mystic Messenger: Dateables and Unknown

-Obey Me: Dateables but especially Satan and Barbatos

-Overwatch: Sigma, Ramattra, Cassidy, Junkrat, Reaper

-Undertale: Classic Sans, 99% of other Au Sans, Swap!Papyrus

[legobiwan]

As is now my weekly ritual, I once again tottered off to the movie theater to enjoy life in the real world and attempt to integrate more cinema and popular culture into my life.

Today's adventure: Snake Eyes

I will start this off by saying I know little to nothing about what is apparently the GI Joe Cinematic Universe (that just feels...incredibly soul-crushing to write, as much as I love Marvel and Star Wars, not everything needs to be a god damned franchise).

I do have a hazy recollection of the cartoons existing in the 80s/90s (they weren't part of my personal Saturday morning schedule as I was more of a Mario Brothers, Legend of Zelda, and Captain N kind of kid. Gods I can still hear the theme music to all of them, too. Good stuff. Terribly written shows, but great intros.) Anyway, all this is to say I came into this movie with zero preconceptions aside from doubt that this would be any form of cinematic masterpiece.

And...call me Cassandra because I will say I did not come out of this movie feeling more intelligent and/or enlightened.

Mostly boilerplate to start off, kill the father, kid watches, wants revenge, etc. etc. etc.

I felt like this movie was the personification of that meme "Can I have [insert character]" "No, we have [insert character] at home." *shows stunt double or mediocre cosplayers*. Just, there were some hastily-taped together cardboard parallels to both the MCU and Star Wars franchises.

I mean, there was totally a bargain bin Mace Windu crossed with Chirrut Imwe in there and I laughed.

Maybe it's because I've watched too much Star Wars in the past, but a lot of the training scenes had that kind of vibe. (And yes, I'm aware Star Wars totally cribs its notes from Asian culture, so there's a feedback loop thing going on.) The Ilum-type floaty light, dark side cave, clear your mind, etc. Also, one of the b-tier bad guys, after being asked if he killed the protagonist's father, came up with a reply straight out of the Vader comics, "I've killed a lot of people." Sure you have.

Oh yeah, and the whole Chamber of Secrets cgi snake house, that was amusing.

Cobra is Hydra, essentially - am I reading this correctly? Snakes versus cephalopods, who will win? Find out in the next mega Hollywood crossover event please do not do this studio execs please

I felt like the fight scenes had a lot of potential and were choreographed well, but the editing just made them a mess, which is disappointing, as I'm now understanding this was supposed to be partially a ninja/martial arts flick.

Oh my gods, when they shoehorned the sentence, "He was a Joe" into the dialogue I think my brain receded in shame into my thorax, wow that was a terrible line.

The guy playing Tommy was actually a good actor so props there, and did a fair amount with some pretty wooden dialogue.

I loved how the whole film was very sword fight/martial arts and then these chicks show up and start blasting shit with semi-automatic pistols Winter Solider-style, that was hilarious.

What the hell was up with the glowy heart of darkness?

I will say that both the cinematography and the costumes in the Japan sequences were very well-done, as were the graphics in the credits.

Yeah, sorry, but no way that Baroness lady was running anywhere in those heels.

In a surprising subversion of these types of action movies, the main character is actually kind of a dick the entire time and doesn't really redeem himself. But I still don't know why the lady spy just didn't let Voldemort's snaky horcrux eat the guy, I mean, really. (Also, lady spy got shafted on character development.)

I actually think if they dropped the whole franchise angle and just made this a straight-up martial arts/espionage/yakuza flick - and if they recut the fight scenes - this movie could have been less mediocre. But you don't go into something subtitled "A G.I. Joe Origin Story" expecting high art, let's be honest.

At least the mother and kids next to me seemed to be enjoying themselves. 5/10