#standford-era

[dogearedheart]

save me stanford era dean save me

[coca-colas-truck-driver]

its a vastly different feeling from how he felt eyeing pretty women at bars than when he lost just enough self control to let himself check out sam (probably some time in the summer before he left for Stanford, the knowledge that he’ll be even more alone than he already is settling in); whose bent over a pool table trying to hassle money from an old southern guy with more bald spots than patches of hair at this point, while dean got them another round.

dads on a hunt across a different state line, with less words than usual before he left; just a gruff repeat of practically the only words he and dean exchange anymore, “take care of sammy for me”.

for the last however many years deans been pining for, he never let himself consciously check out sam. hes almost regretful of that when his eyes catch on sams ass, hes eternally grateful no one knows them here, has no idea they’re related, when sam turns around and almost immediately meets his eyes with a smile and wave. he barely even notices the old guy walk away from the pool table with twenty less dollars in his pocket, when he approaches instead with two of the cheapest beers the bar had in hand.

and hes never been stupid or blind, he can see how others also look at sammy-watching him with such interest, its disgusting-so he trails a wandering hand across sams waist then his back as he walks past. its not bold enough to draw suspicion from sam himself, but makes the women who were peeking glances at either of them, sigh and look away, resigned

he feels a little petty, but mostly proud of himself for successfully warding off interested onlookers.

[theworstcwshow]

They couldn't allow for standford era dean to meet cas because he would have been writing dean novak and circling it in hearts the whole time like the lovesick teenage girl he was, and the facade of dean being a straight man would have been broken immediately

[my-chemical-cas]

Dean coming out to anyone else first << Dean coming out to bobby

Dean is drunk off his ass because it’s the only way he could manage to do it. I imagine it’s Stanford era dean? And he’s like, HEART BROKEN confessing this to Bobby. Like he’s telling him he just murdered a bunch of innocent children. And Bobby is mad, at John. For filling deans head with such stupid shit. And tells dean such. And then pulls him into a real, honest to god bear hug. And deans hiccuping, drunk, probably crying a bit but they mutually decide not to mention it. And Bobby tells him about some hunters he’s known over the years. How fine they are, how people in the hunting community tend to not give each other shit over it. And then they never speak about it again. However Bobby does remember finding a teen magazine in his house one time, with hearts and little doodles drawn around Patrick Swayze/Patrick Dempsey/Harrison Ford. It was never really a surprise.

[ro-sham-no]

an excerpt from "dirty valentine" - richard siken

Dean touches the scar on his side and pretends it's the skin of a lanky, not-so-little kid who had (has) his big brother's heart sequestered inside his own bony ribcage but didn't (doesn't) know it.

Sam touches the scar on his side and pretends it's the skin of a young man who occupied (occupies) the space behind his little brother's sternum but didn't (doesn't) know it.

A short story about a pair of twin side-wounds.

--

It's been a week since Sam left for Stanford. For so long, it had been Sam-and-Dean; entirely entangled, perfectly synchronized. But now they are a monumental, practically unfathomable distance away from each other for the first time in their lives.

But their synchronicity doesn't just disappear now that they're apart. They have grown up so entwined that they emit the same frequency - unrecognizable to anyone but each other.

They are pieces of fabric sewn together after being shorn from the same cloth. Their lives spent constantly being shredded apart and getting their own threads woven back into the other until their fabrics were indistinguishable. Nothing so banal as time and space would ever be able to disrupt their resonance. Of course, neither of them knows this.

Their combined frequency reaches out to itself, stretching between the coasts. Unconsciously, they listen to it.

Somewhere on the East Coast, it's 5:56 am, and Dean Winchester is in the shower. He smooths a hand down his skin. Sliding it down his ribs, catching on a jagged scar - his mind flashes to the matching one he knows resides on Sam's own skin. Connected, synchronized, even through individual, independently-gotten hurts.

Sam had gotten his own side wound two weeks prior - the idiot kept tearing his stitches, otherwise it would've been mostly pinked-over by the time Dean got his. Dean's hadn't even been that bad, not really. He likely could've gotten away with just taping it shut using some clever bandage work and being cautious for a little while, no stitches needed. But Sam had just started doing stitches on his own, and he'd offered to sew Dean up, eager to return Dean's favor of repeatedly re-stitching Sam's skin back together oh-so-carefully. Of course Dean couldn't say no to the offer.

And if Dean noticed immediately - even as he received the injury - that it would match Sam's? If he'd sat subtly hunched over to one side so that Sam's stitches would be just slightly too tight and would scrunch up when Dean straightened, misaligning the healing wound into a raised line? Well, Sam wasn't experienced enough to know the difference.

And if Dean was purposefully careless in the coming weeks with how far he stretched out his side, pulling and tugging on the too-tight stitches just enough to make sure it would scar up, jagged and pronounced, just like his little brother's was turning out to be? Connecting him and Sam, forever? Well, Sam didn't need to know that, either.

Somewhere in a dorm on-campus at Stanford University, on the West Coast, it's 8:56 am, and Sam Winchester is in the shower. He smooths a hand down his skin. Sliding it down his ribs, catching on a jagged scar - pronounced from repeated abuse where he had accidentally torn out Dean's careful stitches again and again, unused to his newly lanky body at the time. His mind flashes to the matching one he knows resides on Dean's own skin. The one that started out so relatively minor, but that somehow had stayed around for such a long time.

Dean didn't let Sam take out the stitches until far past the time they should've been removed. When he finally did concede, they were stuck in Dean's skin, crusted and grown over. Sam had insisted on getting a warm washcloth to press over the stitches to loosen the skin, or loosen the stitches, or loosen something, because Sam couldn't stand the sight of Dean's skin stretching and tearing so unnaturally around the thread as he pulled. Dean wouldn't hold the cloth there himself - said he didn't need it, he could just pull the stitches out by his own damn self - but they were Sam's first stitches that he'd done all by himself, he wanted to be the one to take them out.

So Dean had sat, ever gracious in the face of Sam learning something new to do with hunting, and Sam had held the cloth against his side for what seemed like hours. It was probably 5 minutes, at most, but Sam swore it was an eternity. Sitting there, warm, wet cloth under his fingers, which sat on top of Dean's now warm, wet skin, which stretched over his warm, wet ribs, which protected his warm, wet lungs, which- so on and so forth, during this eternity. When Sam finally pulled the cloth away, he swore Dean shivered. It was just from the sudden temperature difference, surely (except that the washcloth had long gone cold).

The stitches came out easier after that, but still tugged and pulled at the skin they held together for so long. Dean didn't so much as twitch, except when Sam would adjust his hand on Dean's side to pull a different section of skin taught as he worked.

And if Sam took what even he knew was too much time, not to spare his brother any pain but rather to keep running his hands over this extension of himself that would be a part of Dean, forever? Marking him as Sam's, forever? Well, Dean didn't need to know that. He would probably just assume Sam was being overly cautious since it was his first time.

And if Sam noticed the similarity between their two side wounds and couldn't stop thinking about it, dreaming about it, secretly writing about it on papers he burned immediately after? Well, Dean didn't need to know that, either.

It's 5:58 am. It's 8:58 am. Two showers run simultaneously across the two coasts. A three-hour time difference between them, and yet they share this moment of naked vulnerability.

Dean touches the scar on his side and pretends it's the skin of a lanky, not-so-little kid who had (has) his big brother's heart sequestered inside his own bony ribcage but didn't (doesn't) know it. The space it leaves is refreshing and loyal and heady with devotion. It helps him breathe, his lungs filled with the reminder of his heart's keeper. The motel room's alarm clock, sitting on the bedside table, ticks past the hour. It's 6 a.m.

Sam touches the scar on his side and pretends it's the skin of a young man who put far too much weight on his own shoulders. A young man who occupied (occupies) the space behind his little brother's sternum but didn't (doesn't) know it. His presence is safe and warm and strong. It helps his heart beat, comforted by the ever-constant reassurance of his big brother. The dorm room's alarm clock, sitting on the bedside table, ticks past the hour. It's 9 a.m.

Their thoughts ring out over their own private radio wave, synchronized: I hope his scar never fades.

[gabriestat]

does sam think dean cannot read or what. each time dean does a literary reference he's like "what!?!?!" it's killing me rn how shock sam was when dean knew about the odyssey and vonnegut's works. i guess that the standford era was filled with dean watching movies on his own at motels rooms when john sent him solo. but maybe some of the TVs of those rooms didn't work if he was going to cheap motels to save money. it would be natural to pick whatever classic book he finds for like 2$ anywhere and just read it to pass the time when he isn't completely exhausted or passed out

[monsters-sinners-angels]

Episode one is : Sam either has or is about to have ‘everything he ever wanted’. And the viewer gets to decide if he gave it up for Dean, or if Dean took it away from him. 

[freetobecelestial]

day 6 of starcrosseddeancas drabble event : lonely

Lonely.

Such a simple word. Hardly feels like it could encapsulate everything Dean feels.

But still, lonely is what he is. To the bone.

Days like these are when he itches to call Sammy the most. But would he even answer? Probably not. Too busy being a good little law boy with a mysterious past and who never mentions his family. It’s better this way.

Lord knows John wouldn’t answer. And he’s the one Dean’s supposedly in contact with.

One of these days, a monster will kill Dean, wipe him straight off the face of the planet, and no one will have a clue.

That is, if the lonliness doesn’t kill him first.

Because it really might.

[notalawyerdude]

Overanalyzing Sam's face journey in response to "dad's on a hunting trip and he hasn't been home in a few days"

First the expression he had before dean said that, a kind of confident annoyed look.

Then a flash of anger seems to be there.

Then it really clicks. To me this is the most important moment. It's a devastated, inescapable tie this life he had finally made it out of.

Then, this. He looks down slightly, a huge change of demeanor. I see fear in his face, flashbacks and such. A look of feeling like that trapped kid he grew up as.& what what needs to happen.

[dyed-red]

ooh please expand on why you think sam didn't go to a school in new york? (and why he did go to california)

in response to the tags on this post.

also sorry this took me a while to get back to, i started replying then had to save in drafts.

-

ooh okay. so. i’m not going to articulate this well at all, but i’ll try.

First thing: population density.

The Winchesters spend the bulk of their time in small towns and smaller cities. They seem to rove about in all corners of the US, but we very seldom see them in major cities or in densely populated areas (and they seem to seldom visit either the northeast or the southeast but some of that is for another post sometime).

Obviously, Stanford is in Palo Alto, which is in the Bay Area, which includes San Fransisco, Oakland, San Jose, and smaller communities. The population density of the Bay Area is about ~1100 per square mile. Palo Alto itself is a bit more with a density of 2800 people per square mile. But like...  NYC comes in at ~29k people per square mile. So there's really no comparison. 

Population density often comes with traffic, noise, a more rushed pace of life, less community and social connection and other issues. It can be A Lot to people who aren’t used to it, and it’s not something Sam’s upbringing would have accustomed him to in any comfortable way. Not to say that the Bay Area has none of that, but overall much less. NYC is probably the extreme end of this scale to be honest -- it is The City That Never Sleeps. It is bustling and loud and busy and overwhelming as hell, especially in a sensory way.

Given how much of a leap Sam was already making by going to university at all, it makes sense that he’d want to go somewhere less overwhelming, where he’d feel a bit less like a complete gawking novice.

There’s also the vibe of both places.

NYC has a reputation as a world city. It is historical, huge and layered and absorbs all manner of folk from all walks of life into a complex mosaic of interactions. It is in many ways very impersonal. It is where It is happening in terms of important major-scale world events. While it might be selling you the promise of reinventing yourself and being lost in the crowd, it’s typically less about becoming a different you and more about success, about being where it's at, about being part of the fabric of this intensely unique place.

There’s not really anything about it I’d describe as quaint? I’m sure pockets are and the locals would be able to point to them, but that’s not its reputation, and assuming Sam had been there before sending out applications, I don’t think that would be his perception of it. It’s not inviting to outsiders, necessarily, except that it swallows and absorbs all types of people without issue. While appealing to someone who feels other, unclean, etc, that may be appealing, but he’s seeking normalcy, not to embrace his otherness.

California has a very different reputation (and vibe) than NYC.

Not to say the core of California as LA is not loud and overwhelming and that Hollywood is not also a complex layered historical city, but even there (which is not where Sam went), you have a much lower population density, less hustle and bustle, and the impersonal aloofness of the city has a different tone to it.

But California in general, and the Bay Area? Cali has this sunshine vibe, and by reputation (and to a certain extent, reality, though ymmv) it is this progressive bastion of more free thought and acceptance. There’s a longstanding history of queer people moving to NYC or to California, and for good reason. Places that accept all manner of people. The Bay Area is very true for this as well.

In Cali, that promise of freedom is big, and that promise is tinged with reinventing yourself. This is LA in a big way, but in the Bay Area Silicon Valley? The promise of meritocracy is big too, that American Dream of hard work = success embedded in the fabric of the area’s development. Your background doesn’t matter, not compared to what you’re bringing to the table.

While the east coast scholarly history and the sheer number of incredible universities along the American east coast would appeal to Sam, the Bay Area also has a ridiculous number of very good schools, but they are less old-school, old-money elite than many on the east coast. They are not the Ivy Leagues, they are the younger upstarts who hit at the same level despite not coming from the same pedigree. This, I think, would appeal to Sam on a deep level.

(Also - not like, consciously. Sam isn’t sitting there thinking about things this way when he’s 16-17 and trying to figure out what he’s going to do. He’s just absorbing cultural narratives and responding to them and trying to figure out what fits best and feels best. He’s got more important things to think about than any of what I’ve mentioned here).

Also, just to reiterate, the Bay Area actually is kind of quaint in places. San Fransisco and its iconic colourful townhouses and hills? That lower population density and slower more chill pace of life? It would appeal more to a person who has spent most of their life in smaller towns. Not to say that these cities are without their issues (good luck finding a public washroom in San Fransisco. And good luck with the cost of living omg), but vibe-wise, I think it fits Sam much better than NYC.

Practicalities

NYC gets cold in winter. Sam has lived in some shit places, probably with quite variable heat and cooling, not to mention nights in the car and at the whims of the elements. If you’re going to live in a shit apartment with drafts etc., or god forbid spend a night on the streets if you can’t find a place to stay, then you want to be in the place with the warmer climate where you’re less likely to die of exposure.

Also, both NYC and the Bay Area have pretty good public transport as far as US cities go, and are more urbanist cities than many in North America. There’s no question that NYC wins in this regard, but the Bay Area doesn’t fall so short that it’s out of the running. Sam doesn’t mind walking or doing what he needs to in order to get around so I don’t think he’d take public transit much except for long distances when he has to, but given the complete lack of resources he’s starting out with, the walkability or transport options of the area maybe mattered.

That might have also helped disqualify very high quality universities in college towns or ones in parts of the US which might have felt more familiar, actually? Because as much as Sam likes small towns, considering he’s trying to present himself as Joe Normal and shuffle off the skin of his previous hunting experiences and life, he doesn’t want to find himself in a position where he needs to steal a car in order to get out of a given situation or to get somewhere. He needs independence in a way that doesn’t make him stand out.

He also wants something different than how he was raised, wants to disappear into a larger city at least a little, get away from the feeling of constraint that small towns imposed on him and gain that sense of freedom and novelty and exploration that comes from being in a bigger city for the first time.

So - California.

[hahahahahangst]

Wander

Tags (as per my masterlist): ✔️

Summary:

Thirteen hours aren’t a long time.

Words: 235

AO3 LINK

---

I will be posting one of these each day for INKTOBER (but it's fanfic) 2023, a challenge I basically made up lol

It uses the INKTOBER prompts for fanfics! Of course feel free to join in if you think it could be cool

[damndeaniel]

my favorite line in like any fiction remains to be “far be it from me to keep the flower of you from flourishing,” just Imagine this being uttered right before sam goes to standford… id die

[moonstarsunearth]

Tashi's discourse about her tennis coaching is so silly to me. Challengers was inspired by the fact that pre-2020, tennis players couldn't talk or being coached at all by their coaches,so in the end of the day even in Art was receiving Tashi's coaching, he was alone on the court and the one taking decisions about his game. Now imagine if the movie was like now where coaches are allowed to coach during matches and you have players winning grand slams asking their coachs in some way what to do when they don't know,asking where to stand or how to play a point. Nobody say these coaches are controlling their players ,they are doing the job they were hired for. The most common take I see is " Tashi chose Art because she could tell her what to do without him confronting her,she controlled him and manipulated his game". Confront her for what ? Why a coach would want to work with a player that is confronting all their decisions and don't want to listen to them? Is the movie showing that she is forcing Art to do things that aren't right and he didn't want to do at all on the court?

If Art listens to her is more related that her advices are right,he trusted her,and she is brilliant tennis player and coach than just because he is a lapdog in love with her. The prove that they did an excellent job as a team is there, 6 grand slams in just six years in one the most difficult and competitive tennis' eras.

Even if you think that she had no right in telling Patrick about his game,she was right in what she told him,she said facts,"you could’ve won, but then you started tanking in the third set" and"You always think you’ve won before the match is over",what is true he was used to always win,being the best than when he was faced with adversity,he didn't change or adapt,just expected things to solve themselves or commited self-sabotage,so if he is where he is ,is because it was on "his own terms". And for me is so unserious, Tashi was watching his boyfriend's matches,she cared about him and his career ,she was watching him LOSE ALL HIS CHALLENGERS, is listening to him all the time on phone complaining about losing but she couldn't tell him anything about his game? Even if you believe she should'nt ,that I see people reducing all the time that fight to just Tashi trying to "control and manipulate Patrick's game but he wasn't a lapdog, he was completely right and so good he humbled her". And forgetting how he also mocked her duncanator nickname or devaluated her achievements in Standford.

Like yeah may be Tashi likes control,but what about if she is winner that wanted to date a winner that although is losing is trying at least to become better and not being lazy when Tashi is all the contrary? Did she have not the right to want that, as Patrick not wanting a girlfriend talking about tennis or his games? But then people used that fight to project Tashi as this extreme controllative coach and villainize her,when the movie isnt really showing that. If she is so controllative and bad why Patrick would be asking for her help and coaching after more than a decade?

[one-hell-of-otaku-is-here]

One day I am into Billford, one day I look up Fiddleford and the rest I just read "x reader" works

This month is truly my Standford Pines renaissance era (I love this man so much ;-;)

[artdcnaldson]

just got my nails done and i’m BOMBARDED by the thought of standford era art paying for them and picking the colour/design and then getting a little A on the ring finger nail as a little thank you (and then jerking him off so he can see how pretty they look)

AURRRRRRRR

The A on the ring finger I fell to my knees so seriously. You get pretty Stanford red <3 it looks so nice wrapped around his pretty, flushed, weeping cock :((((