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"So, what do we do now?" ↳ 5.22 - SWAN SONG

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castiel's hobbies:

pretending nothing is wrong

pretending he had nothing to do with whatever is wrong

physically fleeing from whatever is wrong

attempting to fix whatever is wrong before it comes to anyone else's attention so he never has to talk about what is wrong

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Something that bugs me about the season 15 divorce arc can be explained by this chain of events:

- Cas doesn't tell Dean about Jack's murderous inclinations, which Dean extrapolates into blaming Cas for Mary's death

- Dean tells Cas this is unforgiveable, tells Cas he's "dead to him." Strong language, but the guy's mom died...what? Hours ago?

- A short time later, after Jack is dead, Cas asks if Dean still blames him for Mary's death. Dean says yes. Cas decides he's sick of Dean's anger and leaves.

- Then, during "The Trap" Dean and Cas have their initial exchange:

DEAN: I know you're sorry, Cas. About Bel, about Mom.

CAS: I was talking about Jack. I already apologized to you. You just refused to hear it.

DEAN: Sorry, I brought it up. Maybe if you didn't just up and leave us.

CAS: You didn't give me a choice. You couldn't forgive me. And you couldn't move on.

One thing leads to another and we get Dean on his old-man knees saying:

DEAN: I should've stopped you. You're my best friend, but I just let you go. 'Cause it was easier than admitting I was wrong. I don't know why I get so angry. I just know – I know that it's – it's just always been there. And when things go bad, it just – it comes out. And I can't - I can't stop it. No matter how bad I want to, I just can't stop it. And – And I – I forgive you. Of course I forgive you. I'm sorry it took me so long. I'm sorry it took me till now to say it.

I want to focus on two moments here. First, Cas explains that one of the reasons he's still upset with Dean is because: "You couldn't forgive me." Cas already apologized for his indirect role in Mary's death. Cas is now upset Dean hasn't been able to forgive him and move on.

This idea deeply affects Dean, as we see during *his* apology when he insists, "I forgive you. Of course I forgive you" and apologizes for still being angry.

But...the thing is, an appropriate apology doesn't include the assumption the person you're apologizing to will forgive you. An appropriate apology involves acknowledging the impact of your actions. Take responsibility for your actions. Don't use excuses. And make amends (if possible). To be clear, these are *Cas’s* responsibilities. Cas needs to acknowledge this tremendous hurt. Cas needs to take responsibility for his choices. Cas is supposed to open communication and ask for forgiveness. And Dean? Dean *does not have to* offer his forgiveness.

An apology isn't an exchange. Forgiveness can't be demanded. It can't even be *earned.* Forgiveness is offered.

Cas apologizes to Dean about Mary, but it's unfair that he resents Dean for not forgiving him. Dean doesn't actually have to forgive Cas for not warning him about Jack. Dean doesn't have to then *apologize* for taking too long to make amends just because Cas resents him. The onus is on Cas to make amends, here, not Dean. But Cas sees Dean's anger as another transgression against him, which is why Dean ends up on his knees, apologizing for something he shouldn't have to apologize for.

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Good God, Y'All (5x02)

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I can't talk about this to Sammy. You know, I gotta keep my game face on. But, uh, truth is I'm not handling it very well.

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supernatural, wendigo [1.02]

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SAM WINCHESTER 1.13 Route 666

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Why couldn't you have left well enough alone? You were happy.

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supernatural is like really good i don't regret any one second of my life

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It never occurred to them that sure, maybe they never really had a roof and four walls… but they were never, in fact, homeless.

SUPERNATURAL | SWAN SONG (5.22)

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supernatural having plots that are unsatisfying, underdeveloped, badly done, and never touched on is actually why it is so popular four years after it ended. the show IS so bad but brought up ideas that are SO good but never done right. true media

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[ID: AO3 Tags Reading: [Character] is not having a good time, But the author is, surprise it's me the only villain in this comedy of errors]

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no no NO stop the presses, sam’s face when he finds out cas didn’t die in s5 is actually destroying me, he’s so… HAPPY. boy hasn’t had his Hell or soulless memories restored yet and the last thing he remembers is cas (and bobby) dying at his hands and it’s basically been an hour since it happened for him and he’s just so !!!!!!

LOOK AT HIMMMM

screenshots of spn 6x12 of sam talking to bobby singer, saying “Wait I saw - I felt Lucifer snap your neck.” Bobby replies, “Well Cas kind of –” before Sam interrupts and says in relief, “Cas is alive?” He then looks at Dean, overjoyed.

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