#st: dptd

[illusionswrites]

I called us part dread, part song, part story, part wrong. We build castles in each other out of splintered spine and blood. We met in grief and were held together by its mud. Took crowns made of bones placed it on each other's heads. We loved each other with fragments of ourselves that were dead. That is why we couldn't rely on the promises that we spoke. Perhaps in a different time I would have named us hope. Perhaps in a different universe we would not meet so battle-worn. And I would call us forgiveness, and not remember us as war.

“I Named Us Grief” from Your Heart Is The Sea by Nikita Gill

[illusionswrites]

You are a hunger. A moment left pristine in the time map of my mind. I have already baptized your loss in the salt water of my tears. Thought this would make me forget you, for you were never a feast, you were just a craving that never ever sated me. I have talked myself out of you in every way I know how. Found a different love to feed my love, yet they tasted bland. You were a flavor of ache and fullness. And for a while I have been able to forget this gnawing at the pit of my heart-stomach for you. Still, at night, the darkness comes for me. Still at night I hunger. And yet I know I am hungry for something that does not exist. Hungry for something we will never be.

“Hunger” from Your Heart Is The Sea by Nikita Gill

[illusionswrites]

This will be visceral. There will be no apology. When you are a hunted thing, you long learn that apologies were not built for you. So you learn to become the hunter. Teach your bones the magic. The music. You will be no lamb to the slaughter. So what if you are only human? You can turn brutal people into cautionary tales by raising your voice. You just need to learn the art of thunder. The craft of soft war.

“A War Named You” from Your Heart Is The Sea by Nikita Gill

[illusionswrites]

People ask me if the grief has left yet, a question I ask myself every night and I always say the same thing, "Not yet, but then again, I am here, am I not? I am smiling, I am holding myself up despite every stage of terror grief is putting me through. I may be living in a house of cards that its dark hands build but I am trying to stop myself from befriending it, from turning it into a home and for now this is good enough, for me, this is good enough?" And they are always taken aback before they say, "Do you think recovery is possible from great loss?" I smile now, hold this broken body a bit taller and stronger, pull the scaffolding of myself together. "What else do you think keeps me going other than the idea that one day I will heal from this collapsing thing I am trapped in?"

“Am I There Yet?” from Your Heart Is The Sea by Nikita Gill

[illusionswrites]

There is something moon-soaked and dawn-flavoured about her. Something kissed by the wild and loved by lightning. She, the Goddess of storm hunting and wolves and moonlight magic. She, the queen of the forest, of womanhood more brutal than tragic.

"The Moon Goddess” from Great Goddesses by Nikita Gill

[illusionswrites]

I make no bones, no apologies for what I did next. I know the world prefers women soft, only because it does not wish to know what happens when we swallow rage and war for so many years it becomes no different from our names. Brutal women are unafraid to take blood for blood, the haunt the very sinews of those who steal our families.

excerpt from “Hecuba, Wife of Praim, Mother of Paris” from Great Goddesses by Nikita Gill

[illusionswrites]

i am not the person you wanted me to be i will not make you proud but did you not raise me to be strong? did you not teach me i was worth more than they made me out to be? did you not say i could be anything i set my mind to? i am strong enough that your words do not sting i am worth more than a hundred prince-charmings i am everything i ever dreamt of and more maybe i am not the person you wanted me to be but i will make myself proud

the original family disappointment

[illusionswrites]

If you want to know the secret, if you want to know the truth, there is nothing more dangerous than a girl who is aware of the flames inside her, and all the damage she can do.

excerpt from Little Red Riding Hood by Nikita Gill

[illusionswrites]

women do not have to tear each other down to build themselves up. one woman's success is not another's failure, it is a victory. loving one another when the world tells you to stop is not weakness, it is strength.

men gave us the torches to burn ourselves down

[illusionswrites]

the most dangerous humans are the women who realize they don't need anyone after facing the hurricane alone

love, & you by gretchen gomez.

[illusionswrites]

i have cried so many tears it is a wonder they do not build me a boat to traverse them all. they expect me to be someone else. someone without a heart. someone who doesn't miss you. i cannot be that person. so instead i hide myself among the dead, the ones they overlook and shy away from, the ones who understand what it means to lose everything. here it is safe and warm, and i no longer feel alone but if you were here, would you know the person i've become? would you hate me for surviving the only way i know how? i wish i could change the past, but i can't even control my future

i am a ghost haunting the person you knew

[illusionswrites]

fuck the idea that there is such a thing as destiny, that there exists some kind of mysterious master plan, that there is a god who simply does not give us anything we cannot handle. the pain did not make me a better person. it did not teach me not to take anything for granted. it did not teach me anything except how to be afraid to love anyone. i am far too young to be so goddamn broken & if i could go back in time & give myself her childhood back,                      i would.

what was the point? the princess saves herself in this one by amanda lovelace.

[illusionswrites]

one of the earth's most famous cruelties is how it can just keep turning no matter what may have just shattered us you left and i began counting the days until the smell of you would shake itself free of my clothes but no matter how long ago my house emptied itself of your smile, i've still got walls full of shadows trying to shift into the shape of you

my dearest hurricane by morgan nikola-wren

[illusionswrites]

Healing Loss after love is like a scab. It will never heal if you continue to pick at it.

all scabs turn into scars, and all scars have a story to tell. so i guess you’re kind of stuck with me forever. (whether you like it or not.) Flux by Orion Carloto.

[illusionswrites]

call me crazy but i swear you've got a wild and ferocious love sleeping in your smile

magic with skin on by morgan nikola-wren.

[illusionswrites]

She is powerful and vulnerable and terrified and always certain. She is emblazed in her passion. Illuminated with home. You will make her remember. She will help you forget.

symmetry. stripped by cara alwill leyba.