#st california dreaming

[aemiron-main-backup]

the music in this show makes me insane AGAIN

staring DIRECTLY at ‘dream a little dream of me’ by ella fitzgerald being used in s4 surrounding the creels and that sort of music being associated with them and then also staring DIRECTLY at ‘we’ll meet again’ by vera lynn being used in s3 ep4 in relation to flayed billy. henry’s been behind the mindflayer the whole time and even the soundtrack backs it up. They WANTED us to pay attention to that song too, because it’s the ONLY non ost song used in that ep, whereas other s3 eps have loads of them. 

and this is a STRETCH but will  has a pink floyd song song from ‘the wall’ album on his playlist (’another brick in the wall part 2′) + pink floyd’s album ‘the wall’ has a song called Vera that’s literally about Vera Lynn and the song ‘we’ll meet again’ specifically. the song choices and playlists even tie henry and will together. “we’ll meet again” wasn’t just about billy coming back and meeting the party/el/max again. it was about will and henry meeting again too.  '

And i’ve talked about this in another post but can’t find the post, but: “california dreaming’ that plays in relation to Will in s4 was originally written by the mamas and the papas/that’s the most famous version, but ST uses the beach boys coverinstead of the original, and ‘dream a little dream of me’ had a famous cover sung by the mamas and the papas, but ST uses the Ella Fitzgerald version instead. 

Even the soundtrack is showing us that Henry and Will are paralleled, but not the same, that they’re foils. Like ‘california dreaming’ vs ‘dream a little dream of me’? Not only are they tied together via the mamas and the papas cover connection, but the ‘dream’ imagery too. And it’s VERY interesting to me that ‘california dreaming’ is a mamas and papas original song but will has a cover of it play, whereas “dream a little dream of me” is a song that the mamas and the papas covered but a more original version plays in relation to henry.  And tying this back to what I said in the beginning about ‘we’ll meet again’ being tied to ‘dream a little dream of me’- how are these songs tied together besides being from the same sort of vibe/era? Well, the episode that ‘dream a little dream of me’ plays in is DEAR BILLY, and ‘we’ll meet again’ in s3 plays as Billy runs away from the sauna after crashing through the wall. 

I also need to look at the songs written on the chalkboard at pennhurst because I remember at least one of them and I have some thoughts about it. I need to make a full analysis on this i need to finish my music analysis LMAO. This is just one thought about will-henry music parallels that i had today. i KNOW there’s more. 

the music in this show makes me insane AGAIN

staring DIRECTLY at ‘dream a little dream of me’ by ella fitzgerald being used in s4 surrounding the creels and that sort of music being associated with them and then also staring DIRECTLY at ‘we’ll meet again’ by vera lynn being used in s3 ep4 in relation to flayed billy. henry’s been behind the mindflayer the whole time and even the soundtrack backs it up. They WANTED us to pay attention to that song too, because it’s the ONLY non ost song used in that ep, whereas other s3 eps have loads of them. 

and this is a STRETCH but will  has a pink floyd song song from ‘the wall’ album on his playlist (’another brick in the wall part 2′) + pink floyd’s album ‘the wall’ has a song called Vera that’s literally about Vera Lynn and the song ‘we’ll meet again’ specifically. the song choices and playlists even tie henry and will together. “we’ll meet again” wasn’t just about billy coming back and meeting the party/el/max again. it was about will and henry meeting again too.  And i’ve talked about this in another post but can’t find the post, but: “california dreaming’ that plays in relation to Will in s4 was originally written by the mamas and the papas/that’s the most famous version, but ST uses the beach boys coverinstead of the original, and ‘dream a little dream of me’ had a famous cover sung by the mamas and the papas, but ST uses the Ella Fitzgerald version instead.  Even the soundtrack is showing us that Henry and Will are paralleled, but not the same, that they’re foils. Like ‘california dreaming’ vs ‘dream a little dream of me’? Not only are they tied together via the mamas and the papas cover connection, but the ‘dream’ imagery too. And it’s VERY interesting to me that ‘california dreaming’ is a mamas and papas original song but will has a cover of it play, whereas “dream a little dream of me” is a song that the mamas and the papas covered but a more original version plays in relation to henry.  And tying this back to what I said in the beginning about ‘we’ll meet again’ being tied to ‘dream a little dream of me’- how are these songs tied together besides being from the same sort of vibe/era? Well, the episode that ‘dream a little dream of me’ plays in is DEAR BILLY, and ‘we’ll meet again’ in s3 plays as Billy runs away from the sauna after crashing through the wall.  I also need to look at the songs written on the chalkboard at pennhurst because I remember at least one of them and I have some thoughts about it. I need to make a full analysis on this i need to finish my music analysis LMAO. This is just one thought about will-henry music parallels that i had today. i KNOW there’s more. 

[coffee-in-that-nebula]

Does anyone else need a Captain Shaw spin-off or is it just me

[limeade-l3sbian]

Who was Kagney Linn Necessary?

(the gofundme for her memorial/funeral will be at the end.)

Kagney Linn Necessary was born in Harris County, Texas in 1987, and raised in St. Joseph, Missouri and in Ridgway, Pennsylvania. [x]

In her early years, she moved to California with ambitions of becoming an actress and a singer but entered work as an exotic dancer before signing with LA Direct Models, a pornographic agency. Karter entered the adult film industry in September 2008.[x]

But that wasn't the entirety of who Kagney was. At face value, the only information I could find with a quick search was the basic information above from Wikipedia. All anyone seemed to know about her was who she was when she was in the "industry." I wanted to see what I could find about her, the person. Not Kagney Linn Karter, but Kagney Linn Necessary.

I raked through interviews she had, her personal social media accounts, and any other articles that I could find just to find any little facts about her that I could.

I thought about omitting her time within the porn industry to focus solely on everything else except that. But I feel it would be tasteless to keep it out. I think it needs to be mentioned. I think it is important to show that women pulled into the porn industry are not these separate beings from any other woman with dreams. This was a 36 year old woman who was just like any other woman who was preyed upon.

Necessary released an EP, The Crossover, in 2018. In 2022, Karter released her debut album, titled The Take Over. [x] She would post clips of her singing covers of songs as well as songs from her upcoming EP on her Instagram.

In 2022, she began learning how to play the piano, even posting a video of her progress.

Necessary was also a recovering addict. In 2021, she posted about the things that helped her stay clean and how she was pleased at having a second chance at life. In an interview, she was intentionally vague about the substances she used, only referring to them as "candy" and "a little bit of everything." But with no insurance or money for rehab, she opted to detox herself at her parents home, working at their tanning salon for free in exchange for "produce."

She moved from Los Angeles to Ohio in 2019 and got involved with pole dancing fitness studios before being involved the opening of one in Akron, called Alchemy Pole Fitness. She posted many videos of herself having fun and practicing new/old moves.

In November 2023, she was posting pictures of her new house and how well it was coming together,

[their website leads to a website called Alchemy Space Studios and says that it was founded and run by a separate woman. But upon looking up the LLC for the business, Kagney is named as the registrant and she is named as the owner of the space in two separate articles.]

In 2015, Carter claimed musician Chris Brown paid her $2,500 to be his escort. She reportedly tweeted things like 'I WILL NEVER F*** A WOMAN BEATER EW DISGUSTING' and 'HE IS PURE EVIL' about Brown.

I just felt like adding that because what a queen.

From her students from the studio and friends, she was known to love animals, including her dog, Murphy, and had a deep devotion to the community she was cultivating in Ohio. She was known to be fearless and empathetic, creating her studio as a place for people to feel safe and accepted.

These were the things I could find of her from her personal accounts and the people who loved her. She wasn't an object that will be missed for what "uses" it had. She was a woman who had dreams, who had a community who love her, who had a husband who loves her, dogs she cared for and loved who loved her, and a mother who loves her. I didn't want her story to be another reblog of a lost life.

I know this post is sporadic and clunky, but I wanted to just grab any information I could without crossing boundaries (ex. contacting the family or something tasteless like that). I just wanted to share what she had already shared with the world.

Her friend, Megan Lee, has posted a gofundme that has already surpassed their goal. But I would still suggest donating if you are able. Rest in peace, Kagney Linn Necessary. 💜

[grlsbstshot]

Hi! We're Brie & Shay! If you've found your way here, it's for a reason. Let's get the official stuff out of the way:

Disclaimer: These fics are intended for mature audiences (18+ only) due to themes, language, and explicit content. The content on the blog is not safe for work. We are not responsible if minors choose to ignore this warning. By proceeding, you confirm that you are of the proper age to engage with this content. Respect the Content Warnings: The stories and one-shots written on this blog by myself and writing partners may include sensitive topics, themes, or character behavior. Please check any content warnings provided before reading. They will always be at the start of the post. Be sure to read them carefully before proceeding. Updates: Due to work schedules and other activities, updates may not always be frequent, but patience is appreciated. Encouragement: Please feel free to reblog, comment, etc. on posts and story updates. We absolutely would love to read comments and geek out with everyone.

Masterlist below the cut !

NEON LIGHTS Co-Written by @briedabmbshll Novella - Chapters

In the glitzy world of Hollywood, it can be easy to crash and burn under the California sun. Few are more self-sabotaging than R&B singer/songwriter, Jameson Lucas. The only thing the charming playboy is known for more than his long list of lovers is his Grammy wins. Imani St. Cirie, an emotive singer/songwriter herself, is the latest in a long line of women he's wronged but she's determined to different. Imani refuses to let Jameson make or break her. The two A-listers are consistently drawn together by an electric chemistry that neither can deny or easily manage. As common sense pulls them in opposite directions -- friendships are tested, old flames resurface, and new opportunities threaten to tear them apart for good. They must decide if their love is strong enough to withstand the weight of the mistakes of their past. In this industry, dreams can make or break you -- but what happens when love becomes the gamble of a lifetime? Chapters: Chapter I | Chapter II | Chapter III Chapter IV | Chapter V | Chapter VI Chapter VII | Chapter VIII | Chapter IX Chapter X. Chapter XI. Chapter XII. Chapter XIII. Epilogue Extra, Extra: Gossip Patrol | RHYTHM Interview | Gossip Patrol Pt. 2 | The Crashout | Music Releases: Imani: Jameson: Diary | EP Album Title | Album Cast: Aaron Pierre as Jameson Lucas Megan Pete as Imani St. Cirie Kelvin Harrison Jr. as Ellington Dupree Jayme Lawson as Genie Adesanya Lori Harvey as Sloane Lennox Kofi Siriboe as Christian McKay

ONE-SHOTS Short Stories

A collection of standalone moments from the lives of various characters. These snapshots delve into untold encounters and fleeting drama.

Make Her Mine

Model-turned-actress-turned-hotshot publicist, Toni St. Cirie, puts her career first over any man. But what happens when actor, Nasir Holmes, enters her life hoping to become her next beau? Cast: Beyoncé Knowles-Carter as Toni St. Cirie Lucky Daye as Nasir Holmes

[bird-slayer-brainrot]

Soldier On, Come Down - Chpt. 1. - - Ineffable Husbands WW2 au human!Crowley angel!Aziraphale angst multi-chapter

(TW this chapter contains light gore (st*bbing so that bit will be marked with the first and final world in red text)

London, 1939

Aziraphale, Principality and Angel of the Eastern Gate of the Garden of Eden, loved humans.

He had lived amongst humans since his assignment on Eden had ended, and he quite enjoyed his role as Heaven’s official ambassador to humanity. It had been a shock to receive such a coveted position (as much as Angels could covet, anyway).

The job had its downsides, like any, but for the most part, Aziraphale could overlook these. The books, food, wine and art made it worth it.

Humans were amazingly clever creatures, with a knack for imagining purposeful, advanced creations to Angel in Heaven could have ever dreamed of, if they did dream. They were masterful artists, poets, writers, inventors. Aziraphale, nearly six thousand years into this extended assignment, stood in awe at the inventions of the human race.

The motorcar, however, was an exception.

On a Saturday evening in Soho, Aziraphale was particularly bothered. He had plans to attend an Opera at the West End. These plans were interrupted when the driver had stopped him miles from the theatre. It was drizzling, as it often did in London lately, and Aziraphale crowded himself underneath a canopy to avoid getting soaked.

Aziraphale could have miracled the driver to take him to the right language, but with the state of England and the war going on, he felt it was best to cut down on miracle usage just in case he needed them for something important, which he probably would. And he didn’t want to risk Heaven the memo from heaven about too many frivolous miracles.

“Are you going in?” a voice spoke beside him. Aziraphale turned, ready to offer his apologises

He hadn’t realised he had been standing in the entrance way to a storefront.

But he was stuck on the words as he came face to face with the man.

He was perhaps the most beautiful person Aziraphale had ever laid eyes on.

Aziraphale was still staring when the stranger cleared his throat.

“Oh, my apologies.” Aziraphale said too loudly. The gentlemen was dressed in black and grey, which would have struck Aziraphale as unusual if, immediately after, Aziraphale noticed his striking copper hair. He wore it longer than was the fashion. He was also very tall, and slender. He held a black umbrella that he seemed to be in the process of wringing out his umbrella before he’d noticed Aziraphale.

“Are you alright?” the gentlemen said with concern. Aziraphale was still staring, so he tore his gaze from the gentlemen’s face.

“No. Yes. I mean.” Aziraphale stuttered. “I just got caught in the rain.”

The man nodded, the small smile still on his face, then he held out his umbrella.

“Would you like to borrow mine?” he said without hesitation.  Aziraphale looked up him again ready to insist he was fine, but stopped when he noticed his eyes.

They were the colour of liquid gold, except for the ring of green surrounding his pupils. It was deep, Earthy green Aziraphale last recalled seeing in the Garden back when he’d first received this assignment.

“No. No thank you.” Aziraphale said softly. “I think I should like to stay here.”

*

My Dear Anthony,

I hope by the time this letter reaches you in England that you and Anathema will be quite settled in, with Annie at university and you doing your things (I must confess, I don’t quite recall the word you used to describe your profession. It may come to me one day.)

I must admit, dear brother, that although you grumble when I express sentiments to you, that I will miss you terrible when you return to England. There shall be a Crowley-shaped hole in my heart, I should think, for a long time till come. Please do come back and visit us in California.

Thank you for taking care of Anathema. It has always been her dream to attend Oxford. Do you remember when she was a little girl, with her book on magic and fairytales? She’d take it with her everywhere.

She can be quite stubborn at times, but she is a remarkable young woman, and I know that, under your guidance, my dear Annie will be something great. Please give her my love.

Take care of yourself.

Your Loving Sister,

Lucy

-

Crowley smiled down at the letter from his sister. He would never admit it, of course, but he missed his sister terribly. California, too, with its bright, sunny weather. The rain and fog of London coloured the world bleak in comparison.

Crowley had been back in London for a month. Anathema, his niece, was due to start at Oxford, once she got her acceptance, in three months.

She was a standout in stuffy old England, with her American wardrobe, accent, and mannerisms. She stood out in LA, too. She’d spent the days

Crowley had an apartment in Soho that he’d rented out in the year he’d been in America. The death of Lucy’s husband and Anathema’s father had hit their family hard. With their pieces stitched haphazardously back together, Anathema had decided that Oxford was her calling. England was a fresh start, and Crowley had to return at some point. Her mother had, after some convincing, agreed.

He was meant to meet Anathema for dinner that evening at the pub they frequented later on. With nothing else to do, Crowley decided a walk and some fresh air would do him some good, and stepped out into the English rain.

*

The Drooping Donkey had all the grace of a typical Soho bar on a Saturday evening. There was a group of soldiers crowded around a pretty young woman playing the piano, a lively war-tune Aziraphale recalled hearing over the radio on the BBC earlier that morning when he was rearranging his Atlas collection. They nursed warming bears. Chatty patrons took up the tables. There was luckily one spare (Aziraphale may have the ability to have any table he wished to, however he believed in ethical use of miracles) and, after ordering a glass of the house red, Aziraphale made his way over to it and took a seat, content to wait out the storm before going home.

When Aziraphale looked up, he made eye contact with the red-haired gentlemen from earlier. He was alone at the bar, and when Aziraphale looked at him, he did something completely surprising. He smiled.

An hour later, Aziraphale was still recounting the event in self-pity. He could leave now, as the handsome stranger had left. In truth, he’d been too shocked by the gentlemen (who had, upon meeting him, offered him his own umbrella?) and had been unable to use his brain. He had no choice but to enter the bar after the gentlemen, who had held the door out for Aziraphale. Even now, Aziraphale replayed the memory of that brief, awkward interaction over and over in his head. It was pointless. It wasn’t like Aziraphale would ever see him again. He was a human. A handsome, kind human. Still, he had appreciated that small show of kindness. It left a warm feeling in Aziraphale’s chest. The war was getting to him.  

It was dark outside by the time Aziraphale exited The Drooping Donkey. The rain had cleared and, while the street maintained most of the business of a typical Soho Saturday, the sidewalk was mostly deserted. That’s why, when Aziraphale heard a noise like a group of hushed voices and a loud banging sound, he immediately rushed to the source.

The redhead man from the bar laid crumbled against the wall of a deserted alley. He was bundled behind bags of rubbish. Aziraphale hurried over to him, kneeling down to see better and miracleing a source of light. Aziraphale’s checked that the man was still breathing first, which he was, but was barely conscious. In the light, Aziraphale could see immediately that he had multiple injuries. His face was bruised, and his knuckles and hands were red. Then, Aziraphale spotted the spreading red across his stomach. Just below it, there was a knife.

It lay discarded in the wet, tossed carelessly, as though it had not just killed a man.

The stranger groaned as Aziraphale lifted the fabric away from the knife wound to locate the stab wound. It didn’t take long to find it. Blood gushed down the man’s abdomen from the puncture, and bile threatened to rise in Aziraphale’s throat as he realised that the kind stranger likely wouldn’t survive it. He had lost too much blood. Aziraphale had no idea how long he had been here, left like this. There was no time to take him to a hospital. He hadn’t been with a wife or friends at the bar. He would likely die here, cold, and alone.

Aziraphale reached down, pressing a hand against the wound, and healing it. It was overkill, to heal it completely, but the man looked in enough pain that Aziraphale couldn’t help but want to help him as best as he could. He spluttered at the motion, coughing harshly. Aziraphale stood up quickly, miracleing his trousers clean from where they had been stained by water and blood. He also miracled the stranger unconscious.

Aziraphale would have liked to have stayed with the stranger to make sure he got better, but he couldn’t answer the questions the man would obviously have. With any luck, the gentleman would wake up with a nasty hangover, with little recollection of what had occurred the night before. He’d likely interpret the black eye as being the result of a minor drunken scuffle. He would not remember Aziraphale, and Aziraphale would never see him again.

A kindness for a kindness was all it was. Miracling him out of sight, Aziraphale turned, and walked away.

[yetanothersparrowofthedawn]

Love Songs and Shit (Extended Masterpost)

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x YN

Genre: Angst, Hurt, Fluff, Smut (honestly it varies depending on the chapter)

Wordcount: if only I knew...

Plot: YN is a popular American singer-songwriter who, on a rainy evening in 2018, crossed path with the members of Greta Van Fleet. It didn't take long for the usually detached and fiercely independent girl to experience an unfamiliar itch. As she put pen to paper, it seemed a certain long-haired guitarist had her thinking about writing love songs and shit.

Concept: Each Album is a period of YN's journey, each track is a song she wrote after a specific chapter, so basically her discography is a chronological story of her life (with Jake, mostly). I'm currently not posting chapters in chronological order, but everything is organized in chronological order on this Masterpost.

Disclaimer: All the album covers are paintings by Norwegian painter Henrik Aarrestad Uldalen I edited. So, credit to that guy.

Also some chapters may involve triggering themes, I'll add the specific trigger warnings at the beginning of each chapter. Stay safe, besties.

(PREQUEL)Debut Album: "Remain Nameless" => NOT YET STARTED

Old Money

Seven

Blue Velvet

Lost at Sea

Bel Air

South London Forever

This is what makes us girls

Dollhouse

All-American Bitch

Hope There’s Someone

Grace

idontwannabeyouanymore

Remain Nameless

Brutal

Rabbit Heart

National Anthem

2nd Album: "Sweet Nothings" => NOT YET STARTED

The Night We Met

Ride

Lover to Lover

Body Electric

Moves

Hiding

Hope is a Dangerous thing for me to have

Love Song

Sweet nothings

3rd Album: "Let the Light In" => NOT YET STARTED

Wildest dreams

All the girls you've loved before

Cornelia street

How Big, How blue, How beautiful

Dress

Love

Always Remember Us This Way

Let the Light In

Lover

4th Album: "How to Disappear" => NOT YET STARTED

The Next Best American Record

King

Brooklyn Baby

How to Disappear

Mariners Apartment Complex

Norman Fucking Rockwell

Watercolor Eyes

Sky Full of Song

One step forward, three steps back

Out of the woods

5th Album: "The Greatest" => NOT YET STARTED

Happiness is a Butterfly

Swan song

Too Good at Goodbyes

Favorite Crime

You're Losing Me

Without You

The Greatest

6th album: "Long & Lost" => IN PROGRESS

Hits Different (coming soon..)

Now that we don’t talk

Beautiful People with Beautiful Problems

Long & Lost (coming next)

Is it over Now? (coming soon..)

All This and Heaven Too

7th Album: "St Jude" => DONE

California

Secrets from a Girl

Style

The Way I loved You

St Jude

All You Had to do Was Stay

Honeymoon

Happier than ever

8th Album: "The End of Love" => ON HIATUS

The Bomb

Prayer Factory

River

All too well

Caught

Stargirl Interlude

Getaway car

Angels like you

Various Storms and Saints

Leave my Body

Cassandra

The End of Love

9th Album: "Dream Girl Evil" => NOT YET STARTED

Carmen

A&W

Hometown Glory

Dream Girl Evil

Swimming

Restraint

Sober

Sober II

Heaven Is Here

June

God knows I tried

Never Let Me Go

(SEQUEL) 10th Album: "Margaret" => NOT YET STARTED

Morning Elvis

Girls against God

Mama who bore me

Patricia

Did you know that there's a tunnel under ocean boulevard?

Kitsungi

Back in Town

I Drink Wine

Back to December

Margaret

[sunflowersandsapphires]

Tis the Damn Season

pairing: Matt Murdock x fem!reader

summary: Based on a request from the lovely @dorothleah, Matt and his childhood best friend have a realization at Christmastime.

warnings: smut adjacent times (it’s just spicy towards the end, nothing graphic), descriptions of family holidays (they’re positive), Christmas specific, swearing

A/n: ahhhhh this one was so difficult to write—I really hope I did the prompt justice. (Also, this is set early on in S1 but let’s just pretend that all the bombing stuff didn’t happen bc that would definitely overshadow Matt’s holidays. Plus Mrs. Cardenas was an Angel so she is still alive and living her best life somewhere outside of this piece because I said so.)

w/c: ~4k

Breathing deeply, you couldn’t help but smile as the bitter cold wind swirled around you. Despite the extreme temperatures, winter in New York was beautiful. Layers of silver clouds drifted through the city, muting the constant stream of artificial light into something less aggressive, more ethereal. The thin layer of snow covering every exposed surface created a gorgeous blank slate of sorts, like an untouched page in a child’s coloring book. Monotone and full of possibilities. It was a sight you missed dearly, so much so that your heart flipped every year when you stepped out of the airport and back into the city you were raised in.

California was beautiful too, of course–not that you’d gotten to see much of it between your 8 years of post-secondary school and 2.5 years of residency so far. Even summer breaks had been spent studying or interning, rather than visiting the gorgeous beaches or tourist attractions across the state. When you found yourself swamped with work and longing for a break, you never dreamed of California, though. Only of New York.

Which is why the winter holidays were so important to you now. This was the only opportunity you had to visit family, to visit Matt. Most years, you spent about a week with your family for Christmas and spent a few wonderful evenings with your beloved childhood-best-friend-turned-charitable-defense-attorney, but this year was unique.

After encouraging your parents to take a much needed vacation, you’d mentioned to Matt that you were struggling to find a hotel to house you for the holidays. Charming and protective man that he was, he was appalled that you hadn’t asked to stay with him instead–arguing passionately with you until you agreed to stay at his loft for a couple days rather than spend the holidays alone.

Which led you on the snow-laced journey from the baggage claim to Matt’s front door, which you studied apprehensively, hand frozen in a fist that hadn’t yet knocked. The fluttering in your stomach was inevitable, your nerves always acted up when you saw Matt, but it was especially intense when your mind was occupied with the knowledge that you’d be surrounded by him and his things for a weekend.

Blowing out a breath, you let your eyes fall shut as you knocked rapidly on the door, the percussive sound echoing the pulsing in your ears. Footsteps padded down the hallway towards you, halting at the door as it slowly creaked open.

“Hi Matty,” Your voice was quiet, your cheeks blooming with warmth as he grinned at you. His beautiful smile hadn’t changed at all, still revealing the wit and mischief of the 14 year old you’d met all those years ago at St. George College Prep.

His signature red glasses twinkled with the reflection of the flickering hallway lights. “Long time, no see, sweetheart.”

As the familiar joke vaporized your anxiety, you dove into his open arms with a squeal. He was as warm and muscular as ever, his arms tightening around you as if waiting for you to dissolve. You weren’t sure how long you stood there, basking in the comfort of his embrace and letting it melt a year of stress away.

While you were enjoying the first hug you’d received in too long, Matt remained almost rigid beneath your touch–his brain counting every second and wondering where the line would need to be drawn. He could have stayed in your grasp all day, but that wasn’t what “friends” did, right? Inhaling deeply, he pulled away from you.

“C’mon, sweet girl, let’s get you inside and warmed up.” Taking your hand, Matt guided you down the hallway and into his apartment, the sight of which made you gasp.

Strings of multicolored lights were strung around the perimeter, wrapped around every available surface in a festive tangle. A small, but otherwise impressive, fir tree stood against the massive paneled windows, smattered with glittering ornaments and candy canes.

The air suddenly felt forced out of your lungs, your breath staggering like a newborn foal as you surveyed every inch of the apartment. When your parents had booked their holiday cruise, you’d been slightly devastated–which wasn’t fair of you, since you’d encouraged them to get away for the month, but that didn’t stop your heart from aching at the thought of the traditions you’d miss. Christmas was your parents’ favorite holiday, and they went all out each year–decorating the house with gorgeous poinsettias and tinsel, buying the largest tree they could find at the local farm, stringing lights around the entire house. The festive beauty of your family home was one of your favorite sights, and you weren’t ready for the absence of decor.

But the absence never came, because you had Matt, the most amazing best friend a girl could ask for. The man who knew you inside out, and had anticipated your reaction to skipping a family Christmas, taking it upon himself to make up for their departure.

Biting your lips as tears threatened to fall, you let Matt enfold you in another hug, a drop of moisture rolling down your cheek when his lips pressed against your forehead.

“Merry Christmas, sweetheart.”

“You did all this for me? Matt, I–” Withdrawing from the shelter of his arms, you strode around the apartment, running your fingers along the wires Matt had painstakingly decked his apartment with.

“Before you get too grateful, you should know that Foggy helped.” Matt laughed, rocking from foot to foot as he waited for you to take it all in.

Giggling at his glowing blush, you nodded, “Well, you both did an amazing job. Ugh, I could kiss you right now!”

The words slipped out of your mouth without a thought, but they froze Matt in place.

Your relationship with him was unlike any of the other friendships he held. There was a flicker of something deeper–a tense heat simmering underneath every touch, a magnetism that simultaneously drew you together and forced you apart.

After knowing you for 15 years, Matt could read you as if you were composed of braille. Every inhale, every pulse of your heart, every flutter of arousal from you crafted a story of love that he was terrified of losing. Neither of you could handle the stress of a long distance relationship. So, he held you close while keeping you at arm’s length.

Or, at least, he had. The urge to abandon all logic and act on his wildest desires was growing stronger by the minute. Treading over to where you stood, admiring the Christmas tree, Matt encircled your waist with his arms, tilting his nose against your temple.

“I missed you.” He murmured against your cheek.

“I missed you too, handsome. So much.” You leaned backwards into Matt’s firm chest, tangling your fingers with his.

Swaying slightly as he held you, Matt stayed silent, allowing you to soak up every ounce of joy from each tiny detail of the holiday ambiance he had painstakingly put together. Sure, it had been a chore, but it was absolutely worth it for the skip of your heart beat, the stutter of your breath as you held back happy tears. He’d do anything to give you the Christmas you deserved, and that included enlisting Foggy as his eyes for a week of decorating.

Because he was human, and his patience could only be strained so much, he eventually pressed a kiss to your head and spun you to face him. “Ok, I think it’s about time for me to pull my responsible host card and remind you that you need to eat.”

Laughing at his smirk, you nodded eagerly. “You’re right, I’m starving.”

“Really? I had no idea.” Matt gasped in feigned surprise, sparking another round of giggles from you.

“Shut up, asshole. I was admiring your hard work! Isn’t that what you wanted me to do?” You shoved at Matt’s chest fondly.

“You’re right, I apologize,” Matt chuckled with you, rocking backwards after your playful push. “Have a taste for anything in particular?”

“Anywhere you want to take me, Matty.” You grinned.

_____________________________________________________________________

Nearly tripping over a crack in the sidewalk as you laughed brightly, you were launched into another set of giggles as Matt caught you by the elbow. Comfortably full after dining at Matt’s new favorite Thai place, the two of you ambled around the city catching up on the last year.

“Christ, you’re going to break something.” Matt sighed, but he was beaming at you. “That would honestly serve you right, though, after laughing at my pain.”

“I’m sorry Matty, but the idea of you wearing one of those bikini body shirts is amazing. Foggy is a pranking genius!” You crooned, jealous that you hadn’t been there to witness the practical joke.

“This from the woman who tricked me ruthlessly every April Fool’s Day.” Matt shook his head, biting back a grin as his mind flooded with memories from your shared childhood.

“Oh please, toothpaste oreos and salted coffee is child’s play, Murdock.” You jested, letting your joined arms grow taut as you leaned towards an enticing display in the window of a store you were passing.

“Hmm, well I’ll continue waiting for an apology then.” Matt turned his nose into the air teasingly.

“Should I buy you another Christmas gift to make up for the torture I put you through?” Without waiting for a response, you entered the doorway of the quiet little shop you’d been admiring, drawing Matt up the steps after you.

Carefully studying the rows of vibrantly colored trinkets, you felt an overwhelming sense of peace as you wandered the store. You let your mind wander as you ran your fingers along the rack of knit sweaters you were ogling. Somewhere in the rush to look through the myriad of options, you’d dropped Matt’s hand. Swiveling your head over your shoulder, your heart jumped when you didn’t see Matt behind you.

Before you had a chance to panic, a calloused hand tangled with yours, tucking you back into your friend’s warm side.

“God, Matty, I thought I lost you!”

“Don’t fret, sweetheart, I’ll always find you.” Matt murmured, his voice steady with truth as he kissed your temple.

Leaning into his touch, your heart twirled at the sentiment, emotions welling up in your throat. Squeezing Matt’s hand, you coughed around the lump in your esophagus, eyes once again roaming the row of sweaters. “Did you want to get out of here? You said we were meeting your friends tonight, right?”

“Yes,” Matt answered, a bit hastily given that he was still trying to decipher your reaction to his words. “Uh, yah, we aren’t too far from Josie’s.”

“Oh my god, you didn’t tell me we’re meeting at Josie’s! Fuck, I’m glad the place hasn’t been condemned after all these years.”

“Foggy and I have done our due diligence. The health department must have our pictures taped over dart boards by now.”

“My two favorite menaces to society,” You laughed. “I’m embarrassed to admit that you may have to lead me there. My navigation of the city is a bit rusty this year.”

“You’ve been away too long.” Matt tutted in disapproval. “Far too long.”

You grew silent beside him, your fingers twitching in his hold. “I know, Matty.”

“Sorry I didn’t mean—“ He started but you interrupted.

“Oh, I know you didn’t. And I miss you too.” Matt withheld from turning to you in surprise before you corrected your statement. “I mean, I miss you and my family and the city, you know? I love California, it’s just not the same.”

Cursing yourself for fumbling over your words instead of just admitting to Matt how much you wanted to stay here with him, you tugged at your lower lip with your teeth to keep from rambling any further. Twin blooms of heat pricked across your cheeks, your eyes falling shut with regret and longing.

Matt bumped your hip with his. “Hey, don’t go quiet on me. We still have more catching up to do.”

The corner of your mouth twitched into a small smile. “Oh yah?”

“Of course! I haven’t even told you about the kitchen fire that Foggy set at Landman and Zach in the spring.”

Snorting in disbelief, you shook your head. “How on earth did you two not get fired?”

“He blamed it on a partner.” Matt grinned, making you chuckle.

The walk to Josie’s was short and filled with pleasant conversation, despite the brief hiccup. When you finally reached the familiar dive bar, you inhaled deeply, smiling at the sour odor of stale beer and tobacco.

Inside, the sticky floors and dim lighting immediately transported you back to the first time Matt brought you here, begging you to come with him to the “Jewel of Hell’s Kitchen”. Sure, it was more cubic zirconia than a diamond in the rough, but you understood why Matt loved it. The atmosphere was unmistakably familiar. No bells and whistles, just cheap beer and good company.

“This way,” Matt lead you further into the establishment, waving at Foggy and a gorgeous blonde woman who were seated near the windows.

Foggy leapt up to tackle you in a hug as soon as you were within hugging distance, crushing your lungs before you could laugh. “God, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.”

“Way to rub it in, bud.” Matt scoffed, smirking when his business partner gave an exaggerated eye roll.

“You’ve seriously got to teach me how to keep him in line.” Foggy sighed, scowling at the dark-haired man.

“You think I know how to do that?” You chuckled incredulously. “I’m not sure that’s possible without divine intervention.”

“C’mon, you’re practically the Matt-tamer.” Foggy cajoled, spinning around to face the table. “Karen, Matt-tamer. Matt-tamer, meet our lovely receptionist, Karen Page.”

Laughing as Foggy gestures towards the seated woman, you gave her your real name.

Karen smiled brightly, reaching her hand out for you to shake.

“You know, I could’ve introduced her myself. She is my friend, after all.” Matt pouted and you grinned, placing a hand on his arm.

“We all know you would have done a great job introducing me, Matty.” You snorted, rolling your eyes to Foggy.

“Um, are we not going to comment on the fact that I’m apparently not allowed to be friends with you?” Foggy asked, taking his seat beside Karen again.

“I didn’t say that!” Matt argued, sliding into the other side of the booth.

As Matt and Foggy bickered, you and Karen exchanged a knowing smile before you headed to the bar.

Waving as you spotted Josie’s stony face, you couldn’t help but smile when she rounded the bar to give you a one-armed hug. “Hey, kid. We’ve missed ya around here.”

“So I’ve heard,” You chuckled. “Can I get a couple of beers?”

“Your boyfriend letting you pay for the drinks?” Josie shook her head in distaste.

Almost dropping the two beers she’d passed you, your mouth dropped open in surprise. “Oh, uh…”

“C’mon, don’t tell me he hasn’t made a move yet. Poor kid acts like ya hung the moon.”

Chuckling awkwardly, you shrugged. “We’re just friends, Josie.”

“Yah, yah. Heard that one before.” Josie sighed, shooing you back to the table.

Trying to refocus after her comment, you plastered a smile back on your face and took your seat next to Matt, handing him his beer.

“Thanks, sweetheart,” He leaned against you and your skin burned. You could practically hear Josie raising her eyebrows from across the bar.

“You ok?” Matt asked, tilting his head towards you. “Did Josie snap at you or something?”

“You have to cut her some slack, she’s working hard to keep this place afloat.” Foggy frowned in sympathy.

“Oh no, nothing like that, she just caught me off guard is all.” You reassured, willing your body to relax into Matt’s hold.

“How so?” Karen asked with genuine curiosity.

“Oh, er, she asked me if…” Looking at Matt hesitantly, you let the words tumble out before you could fib. “She was wondering if Matt and I were dating.”

“What did you say?” Matt murmured.

“I told her the truth. Though, I wonder if I should’ve said we were, that was always easier.” You sighed, shifting in your seat uncomfortably.

“Always?” Karen asked, eyebrows shooting skyward.

“When we were kids, people always assumed we were dating. Eventually, it was easier to say yes than explain anything.” Matt explained with a shrug.

Foggy smiled, “Ah, so this has nothing to do with the fact that you both act like you’re dating for a weekend every year?”

You and Matt immediately grew defensive, spitting out two remarks at the same time.

“We do not—“

“Are you kidding me—“

But the realization of how close you were sitting to Matt made you pause. The man in question seemed to have the same epiphany because you both jumped apart with a huff.

Foggy and Karen exchanged a glance before nodding. Clapping his hands together, Foggy changed the subject.

“So…how’s California treating our favorite medical student?”

————————————-

Sitting on the worn leather couch in Matt’s living room, you blinked sleepily, the bright LED string lights coming back into focus as you reopened your eyes. You’d hoped that the beautifully decorated tree would draw you out of your thought spiral, but it was only fueling your rapid fire thoughts. Fidgeting with the fabric of the cushion you were sitting on, you couldn’t help but think of Foggy and Josie’s parallel accusations.

You and Matt were close, that was true, but you didn’t ��act like you were dating”…did you? Sure, you were pretty much constantly touching each other, and you had nicknames for each other, but that was all platonic.

Or was that just what you’d told yourself? To let yourself sign off on the emotional turmoil you experienced every year when you had to leave the man that you loved.

Fuck. You loved Matt.

“What are you thinking about?” Matt’s voice startled you, your body jumping a few inches off the couch. Handing you the mug of hot chocolate he’d prepared for you, Matt took a seat next to you, his brow folding in concern.

“Oh, uh, nothing, Matty.” You lied unconvincingly.

With a snort, Matt shuffled closer, placing a hand on your knee. “You’re a terrible liar, sweetheart. What’s on your mind?”

“Did it…bother you? What Foggy said, about us?” You asked timidly, biting your lip when his hand stilled on your leg.

“Did it bother you?” He parrots, his voice uncharacteristically small.

Laughing despite the thick tension clouding around you, you shoved your shoulder against his. “I asked you first, Murdock.”

“Fair enough.” Matt chuckled nervously, exhaling quickly before answering, “No. It didn’t bother me.”

“Permission to ask you a follow up question?” It was risky to ask for further clarification before answering yourself, but you needed to know.

“That seems like cheating, but I’ll allow it.” Matt jested, his worry poorly concealed behind his teasing tone.

“Why didn’t it bother you?”

For an intense moment, your soft question was met with icy silence. Then, he responded with a warmth you’d never heard from him. “Because I’ve known exactly what I’ve wanted with you since we met all those years ago. And, consciously or not, I decided to enjoy my time with you in that way.”

Mouth falling agape, you pondered the answer for a moment. Had you been seeking that with him too? Is that why you were more than ok with the state of your relationship every year?

Interpreting your failure to speak as unease, Matt apologized. “I’m sorry. If I’d known that you were uncomfortable about it, I wouldn’t have–”

“I never said I wasn’t ok with it, Matty.” Your voice was deep with want, your eyes focused on every twitch of his facial muscles as he processed your response. “I’ve wanted more with you for years, I just thought I was better at hiding it than I apparently was.”

Matt chuckled, resting his forehead against yours. “We’re idiots, aren’t we?”

Matt’s breath heated your face, his lips felt too far away despite them hovering over your nose. Leaning into him, you crossed the invisible boundary you’d been dancing around for over a decade. “That depends on what we do next.”

Matt’s sharp inhale sparked a shiver down your spine. Settling one hand on your waist, the other cupped your chin gently. “Do I have permission to kiss you?”

“You fucking better, Murdock.” You murmured, hands wrapping around his nape as he closed the distance between your mouths.

As his plush lips met yours, the air was forced from your lungs. The evening ambiance of the city was drowned out by the blood rushing in your ears. A jolt of adrenaline, that was heavily threaded with pure need shocked your system, drawing a soft loan from your vocal chords as his tongue prodded your bottom lip.

“Matty, please,” You whimpered as he withdrew his mouth from yours.

“What do you want, sweetheart? Use your words for me.” Matt’s smug tone prompted another moan from you.

“Want you. Please.”

“Anything for you, love.” Hiking you into his arms, Matt wove his lips between yours again as he carried you to the bedroom.

————————————

Scrunching your nose against the chill that overtook you as your foot slipped out from underneath the blankets, you retracted your leg, settling back into the cocoon of sheets and muscular arms with a sigh. Unfortunately, the abrupt temperature change had shocked your consciousness out of slumber, and now you had to face the consequences of whatever had happened last night.

Your bare back was pressed against Matt’s warm chest, each inhale of his lungs jostling you with a comforting rhythmic motion. His hands were joined atop your stomach, his thumbs rubbing circles into your skin. Whining softly, you pressed backwards into his hold, his arms tightening instinctively as you did so.

“Morning.” He murmured, pressing a kiss to your temple.” The feeling of his lips dancing across the thin skin on your head was pleasant, until your brain reminded you just how fleeting this moment would be.

“Morning.” You responded, your tone revealing your nerves.

“Hey, I can hear you working yourself up. Talk to me. Are you ok?” Matt’s brow furrowed, his blank eyes darting around you as he sat up to study you closely.

“I’m ok, Matty. Just…thinking about us, is all.” You shrugged, eyes falling closed as he placed kisses down your neck.

Hesitating before planting a kiss on your collar bone, his voice quieted. “Do you regret it?”

“Absolutely not.” Using two fingers to turn his face to you, you drew him in for a deep kiss. “God, you make me so happy, Matt. But I still have a few months left in my residency.”

“I know, sweetheart.” The clear disappointment in Matt’s voice almost shattered your composure.

“I wish things were different.” You sighed, resting your foreheads together.

“Don’t say that. You are getting a fantastic education so you can become the best pediatrician the world has ever seen. We can enjoy our time together now, that’s enough for me.” Matt’s smile didn’t quite reach his eyes, but his optimism was contagious.

“And in April?” Matt’s hand came to cup your cheek.

“I’ll be here, waiting for you, as long as you want me.”

“I’ll always want you, Matt Murdock.” You promised, threading your fingers into his hair as he kissed you with a smile.

[the-mortuary-witch]

TYPES OF HERBS AND SPICES

ABUNDANCE: anise seed, bay leaves, bay laurel, basil, cinnamon, cloves, cardamom, coriander, ginger, juniper berry, lemongrass, nutmeg, and St. John’s wort. 

AVOIDING DANGER: bay laurel, garlic, holly, mistletoe, parsley, rue, sage, St. John’s wort, thyme, and witch hazel. 

ACTIVATE ENERGY: ashwagandha, astragalus, ginkgo biloba, ginseng, gotu kola, guarana, licorice root, maca, muira puama, panax ginseng, rhodiola, schisandra powder, stinging nettle, Siberian motherwort, tribulus, and white peony. 

ANXIETY: ashwagandha, chamomile, California poppy, catnip, golden root, holy basil, kava, lavender, lemon balm, oat straw, passion flower, skullcap, valerian root, wood betony, wild lettuce, lemon verbena, valerian, ginger root, celery, jojoba, and ginger root. 

ASTRAL TRAVEL: blue lotus, Mexican dream herb, mugwort, African dream root, wormwood, skullcap, yopo, belladonna, henbane, sage of the seers, nutmeg, cannabis, kanna, thorn-apple, blue tea, and calamus. 

AWARENESS: blue vervain, brain tonic, ginkgo biloba, gotu kola, holy basil, lemon balm, lion's tail, oat straw, rhodiola rosea, and rosemary. 

ANIMALS (TO WORK WITH): catnip, mugwort, parsley, rose, sage, wormwood, devil's claw, dittany of Crete, horsetail, mullein, plantain, thyme, and yarrow.

BALANCING: ashwagandha, chamomile, kava, lemon balm, passion flower, rhodiola rosea, schizandra, ginseng, valerian, wood netony, chaste tree berry, damiana, hops, angelica sinensis, ginkgo biloba, kratom, maca, St. John’s wort, niacin, and Siberian motherwort. 

BANISHING: mugwort, angelica, hyssop, verbena, peppermint, mint, yarrow, wormwood, parsley, oregano, sage, rosemary, lavender, bay leaf, thyme, patchouli, eucalyptus, pine, St. John's wort, and basil. 

BINDING: bindweed, cannabis, rose thorns, stinging nettle, vervain, yarrow, devil’s shoestring, mugwort, catnip, dandelion, dill, skullcap, rose, and cardamom. 

BUSINESS AND EMPLOYMENT: alfalfa, allspice, basil, cayenne powder, cinnamon, cloves, dill, pecans, rosemary, and turmeric. 

CALM AND SOOTHE: lemon balm, chamomile, passionflower, lavender, ashwagandha, kava, valerian, St. John’s wort, holy basil, melisa, rhodiola, hops, skullcap, ginseng, and turmeric. 

CHALLENGES / DIFFICULTIES: skullcap, ashwagandha, bacopa, chamomile, passionflower, rhodiola, valerian, St. John’s wort, holy basil, lemon balm, nettle, oat straw, rehmannia, schisandra, and ginseng. 

CHANGES / TRANSLATIONS: dandelion root, ashwagandha, reishi, holy basil, ginseng, alfalfa, nettle, burdock root, and oat straw. 

CLARITY: ginger, ginkgo biloba, gotu kola, ashwagandha, bacopa monnieri, rhodiola, green tea, ginseng, dandelion root, holy basil, rosemary, tulsi, brahmi, skullcap, oat straw, and lingzhi. 

CONFIDENCE: peppermint, St. John’s wort, lavender, lemon balm, passionflower, valerian root, bay leaves, cedar, cloves, coconut, ginger, ginseng, hops, honeysuckle, California poppy, fennel seeds, nutmeg, orris root, red clover, rosemary, and yarrow. 

COURAGE: rosemary, calamus, borage, yarrow, sage, milky oats, ashwagandha, cacao, pepper, nettle, basil, chives, horseradish, skullcap, ginger, brahmi, dandelion, St. John’s wort, lemon balm, passionflower, rhodiola, oat straw, lingzhi, ginseng, and tulsi. 

CREATIVITY: damiana, sage, ashwagandha, bacopa, lavender, passionflower, calamus, gotu kola, lemon balm, ginkgo, green tea, mugwort, cumin, ginger, cannabis, basil, and coriander. 

DEATH / ANCESTORS / AFTERLIFE: rosemary, chamomile, lavender, parsley, wormwood, pine, cannabis, mugwort, bay leaves, cedar, belladonna, angel’s trumpet, and wolfsbane. 

DIVINATION: wormwood, mugwort, datura, deadly nightshade, morning glory, valerian, skullcap, blue lotus, wormwood, belladonna, mugwort, and black cohosh. 

DREAMWORK: mugwort, chamomile, lavender, valerian, lemon balm, catnip, yarrow, passionflower, motherwort, and betony. 

FEAR (TO SUBDUE): lavender, chamomile, kava, valerian, passionflower, skullcap, lemon balm, hops, catnip, ashwagandha, and theanine. 

FERTILITY: maca, ashwagandha, black cohosh, red clover, chasteberry, peony, raspberry, cinnamon, shatavari, dong quai, ginseng, liquorice, nettles, saw palmetto, milk thistle, false unicorn, motherwort, and shilajit. 

FIDELITY: bay leaves, chasteberry, white horehound, lady's mantle, jasmine, catnip, vervain, St. John’s wort, damiana, yohimbe, and wood betony. 

FOCUS / CONCENTRATION: ginkgo biloba, rosemary, peppermint, bacopa, gotu kola, waterhyssop, sceletium tortuosum, green tea, and theanine. 

FORGIVENESS: rue, chamomile, rosemary, lemon balm, rose, linden, sage, lavender, valerian, holy basil, yarrow, skullcap, and St. John’s wort. 

FRIENDSHIP: alstroemeria, Adam’s needle, ivy, zinnias, chamomile, tulips, iris, geraniums, calla lilies, thyme, basil, marjoram, dill, sage, bamboo, lemon verbena, hibiscus, jasmine, elderflower, aloe vera, cactus, jade plant, daises, forget-me-nots, sunflower, sweet pea, hydrangea, peace lilies, and yarrow. 

GRIEF / SORROW (TO DEAL WITH): lemon balm, St. John’s wort, valerian, lavender, motherwort, hawthorn, rose, tulsi, passionflower, ashwagandha, basil, milky oats, linden, mimosa, skullcap, and oatstraw. 

GROUND AND CENTRE ENERGY: holy basil, chamomile, passionflower, lavender, rose, ginger root, cinnamon, liquorice root, lemon balm, rhodiola, sage, damiana, kava, rosemary, skullcap, ashwagandha, and valerian. 

GROWTH: shatavari, maca, ashwagandha, alfalfa, kelp, spirulina, chlorella, wheatgrass, tribulus terrestris, ginkgo biloba, sea moss, dandelion, astragalus, and reishi mushroom. 

GUIDANCE: mugwort, bay leaves, wormwood, rosemary, sage, motherwort, blue lotus, hyssop, St. John’s wort, valerian, damiana, gotu kola, blue vervain, lemon balm, yarrow, rose buds, passionflower, and chasteberry.  

HEALING: garlic, chamomile, feverfew, ginger, echinacea, goldenseal, stinging thistle, ginkgo, calendula, dandelion, ginseng, liquorice, and elderberry. 

HEARTBREAK (TO RECOVER FROM): rose, lavender, motherwort, thyme, linden, hawthorn, skullcap, lemon balm, blue vervain, and passionflower. 

HEXES (TO AVOID/BREAK): thistle, marigold, mullein, nettle, horehound, bayberry, mugwort, yarrow, oak, mint, holy basil, rosemary, pine, black cohosh, thyme, St. John’s wort, garlic, yucca, and vervain.

HEALTH: garlic,chamomile, feverfew, ginger, echinacea, goldenseal, ginkgo, calendula, ginseng, milk thistle, St. John’s wort, saw palmetto, and valerian. 

HOME / FAMILY: lavender, basil, yarrow, chamomile, rosemary, mint, lemon balm, hyssop, vervain, and mugwort. 

INSIGHT: blue lotus, mugwort, wormwood, lettuce, yerba mate, damiana, blue vervain, skullcap, passionflower, sage, juniper, sandalwood, and bay laurel. 

INSPIRATION: rhodiola, ginseng, sage, guarana, peppermint, passionflower, rosemary, ashwagandha, gotu kola, damiana, blue lotus, rose, skullcap, ylang-ylang, mugwort, St. John’s wort, and blue vervain. 

KNOWLEDGE / LEARNING: green tea, rosemary, brahmi, gotu kola, sage, lemon balm, yerba mate, ashwagandha, ginkgo biloba, holy basil, hawthorn, linden, chasteberry, dandelion, hyssop, and skullcap. 

LOSS (TO DEAL WITH): ginger, cinnamon, black pepper, turmeric, cayenne pepper, ginseng, fenugreek, cumin, caralluma fimbriata, gurmar, cardamom, dandelion, garlic, lemon balm, peppermint, rose, triphala, tulsi, ashwagandha, hawthorn, and linden. 

LOVE / ROMANCE: damiana, catnip, vervain, rose, yang yang, rose petals, jasmine, ginger, saffron, black pepper, cardamom, sandalwood, bay leaf, lavender, marjoram, linden, bergamot, and fennel.

LUCK: clovers, dandelion, bay leaf, High John the Conqueror, basil, cinnamon, allspice, catnip, St. John’s wort, lavender, lady’s mantle, oak, ginger, mint, chamomile, patchouli, holy basil, mistletoe, marigold, calendula, Irish moss, cloves, and goldenrod. 

MANIFESTATION: basil, calendula, mint, rosemary, sage, lavender, bay leaf, cinnamon, bamboo, mugwort, sandalwood, allspice, yarrow, High John the Conqueror, catnip, and jasmine.

MARRIAGE: rosemary, holy basil, catnip, bay leaf, lavender, marjoram, rose petals, jasmine, bergamot, and linden. 

MONEY: rue, cinnamon, bay leaf, cloves, thyme, rosemary, garlic, dandelion, catnip, allspice, lemon balm, yarrow, black pepper, wormwood, parsley, nettle, chamomile, sage, basil, and oregano. 

MOTIVATION: green tea, damiana, gotu kola, St. John’s wort, ashwagandha, ginkgo biloba, brahmi, sage, liquorice, and ginger. 

NEGATIVITY (TO DISPEL/AVERT/PROTECTION FROM): cedar, sage, rosemary, holy basil, eucalyptus, yarrow, lavender, thyme, peppermint, rue, juniper, mint, hyssop, nettle, bayberry, mugwort, dandelion, clove, basil, and garlic. 

NIGHTMARES (TO WARD OFF/SUBDUE): wormwood, black pepper, skullcap, passionflower, California poppy, valerian, catnip, mugwort, blue vervain, lemon balm, rose, St. John’s wort, lavender, jasmine, yarrow, bay leaf, mullein, bayberry, ginger, and holy basil.

OBSTACLES (TO OVERCOME): hyssop, mullein, gotu kola, lavender, sage, vervain, thyme, holy basil, St. John’s wort, ashwagandha, green tea, brahmi, lemon balm, yarrow, marjoram, rosemary, nettle, chamomile, and bay leaf.

OPTIMISM: damiana, gotu kola, passionflower, skullcap, nettle, black tea, sage, blue lotus, green tea, St. John’s wort, ginger, vervain, mullein, lavender, jasmine, chamomile, bay leaf, lemon balm, ginger, and rose.

PEACE / TRANQUILITY: myrrh, rose, peppermint, chamomile, lavender, skullcap, holy basil, ashwagandha, St. John’s wort, passionflower, rosemary, valerian, sage, Persian silk tree, lemongrass, gotu kola, nettle, thyme, bay leaf, mugwort, and kava.

PROSPERITY / ABUNDANCE: basil, mint, cinnamon, patchouli, chamomile, allspice, ginger, nutmeg, rosemary, bay leaf, calendula, honeysuckle, clove, Irish moss, thyme, alfalfa, bayberry, clover, dandelion, nettle, oregano, dill, and poppy.

PROTECTION / DEFENCE: aloe, cinnamon, sandalwood, dragon’s blood, rue, eucalyptus, comfrey, rose, chamomile, St. John’s wort, cedar, mugwort, cayenne pepper, nettle, bay, angelica, thyme, sage, peppermint, lavender, basil, and rosemary.

PSYCHIC ABILITIES (TO ENHANCE): frankincense, wormwood, valerian, thyme, nettle, anise, lemongrass, gotu kola, angelica, bay leaf, chamomile, sage, rose, yarrow, lavender, rosemary, peppermint, and mugwort.

PURIFICATION / CLEANSING: sage, cedar, rosemary, lavender, palo santo, basil, peppermint, red clover, dandelion, frankincense, mugwort, nettle, bay leaf, burdock, chamomile, juniper, parsley, copal, sweetgrass, angelica, cilantro, eucalyptus, ginger, and cinnamon.

RELATIONSHIPS: rose, spearmint, lavender, jasmine, basil, damiana, catnip, ginger, patchouli, hibiscus, rosemary, thyme, cardamom, lemon balm, clove, jasmine, fennel, bay leaf, sage, dill, vanilla, ashwagandha, black cohosh, ginseng, calendula, meadowsweet, and cinnamon.

REMOVE / RELEASE: rue, black pepper, sage, rosemary, mint, lemon juice, hyssop, mullein, vervain, wormwood, nettle, garlic, dandelion, bay leaf, catnip, lavender, lemon palm, and parsley.

RENEWAL / REBIRTH / NEW BEGINNINGS: holy basil, gotu kola, rosemary, yarrow, ashwagandha, mullein, basil, chamomile, St. John’s wort, rose petals, lemon balm, vervain, mint, nettle, sage, mugwort, and damiana.

SEX / SEXUALITY: saffron, yohimbe, saw palmetto, chavohuasca, pomegranate peel, musli, chasteberry, longjack, chamomile, fenugreek, shatavari, barrenwort, saffron, damiana, ashwagandha, ginkgo, maca, bindii, and red ginseng.

SPIRIT GUIDES: yarrow, thyme, rose, myrrh, sweet grass, bay leaf, peppermint, nettle, mugwort, frankincense, chamomile, angelica, rosemary, cedar, basil, sage, and lavender.

SPIRITUALITY: lavender, sage, basil, rosemary, angelica, cedar, frankincense, chamomile, mugwort, nettle, peppermint, bay leaf, sweet grass, myrrh, rose, thyme, and yarrow.

STABILITY: ginger, parsley, St. John’s wort, lavender, mullein, catnip, rosemary, holy basil, lemon balm, and gotu kola.

STRENGTH: turmeric, maca, ashwagandha, ginseng, rhodiola, brahmi, shilajit, tulsi, astragalus, cordyceps, ginger, liquorice, gotu kola, astragalus, nettle, schisandra, and green tea.

STRESS: rhodiola, lavender, valerian, brahmi, kava, skullcap, peppermint, milky oats, liquorice, hops, St. John’s wort, turmeric, ginseng, tulsi, passionflower, chamomile, lemon balm, and ashwagandha.

SUCCESS: mint, basil, rosemary, cinnamon, allspice, dandelion, calendula, patchouli, bay leaf, ginger, lavender, chamomile, nutmeg, dill, honeysuckle, Irish moss, lemongrass, nettle, and peppermint.

TRUST: bayberry, lemon balm, rue, marjoram, bay leaf, hyssop, black pepper, damiana, rose petals, yarrow, valerian, wormwood, nettle, lavender, vervain, and jasmine.

TRUTH: mugwort, rue, mullein, skullcap, rosemary, hyssop, bay leaf, holy basil, thyme, and peppermint.

WELL-BEING: green tea, ashwagandha, holy basil, reishi mushroom, lemon balm, chamomile, ginger, liquorice, and turmeric.

[the-fab-fox]

Okay, y'all!

What's your go to "nostalgia" song?

What I mean isn't what songs from your childhood that take you back but rather, the songs that just inherently sound like what I feel nostalgia—as a concept—would feel like. Like it just invokes that feeling of nostalgia without actually triggering nostalgia.

Like a part of you wants there to be a trigger but there isn't and it's this tip of the tongue feeling like you're sure there's a memory with this as it's soundtrack. But there isn't. So you're left with that blissful, serene feeling but without the bitterness that nostalgia can bring... Do any of you know what I'm talking about?

Okay, well my songs are Sailing by Christopher Cross, Summer Breeze by Seals and Cross [also random ass sound bar but is it just me or could Lin Manuel Miranda sing the hell out of this?], Brandy (You're a Fine Girl) by Looking Glass, September by Earth, Wind, & Fire, Fields of Gold by Sting, Higher Love by Steve Winwood, I Wanna Dance With Somebody by Whitney Houston, (I've Had) The Time of My Life by Bill Medley & Jennifer Warnes, You Make My Dreams (Come True), In the Middle of the Night by Billy Joel, Tell Her About It by Billy Joel, Phil Collins cover of You Can't Hurry Love, Walking on Sunshine by Katrina and the Waves, Don't Dream It's Over by Crowded House, Here Comes the Sun by the Beatles, Waiting for a Girl Like You, In the Air Tonight by Phil Collins, Invisible Touch by Genesis, That's All by Phil Collins, Don't Stop by Fleetwood Mac, Landslide by Fleetwood Mac, Footloose by Kenny Loggins, Forever Young by Rod Stewart, Everybody Wants to Rule the World by Tears for Fears, Listen to the Music by The Doobie Brothers, Baby Come Back by Player, Peaceful Easy Feeling by Eagles, Take It to the Limit by Eagles, St. Elmo's Fire by John Parr, Hotel California by Eagles, She's Like The Wind by Patrick Swazye and Wendy Fraser, Tiny Dancer by Elton John, Don't Go Breaking My Heart by Elton John and Kiki Dee, Bad Moon Rising by Creedence Clearwater Revival, Have a You Seen the Rain by Creedence Clearwater Revival, These Dreams by Heart, (Don't Fear) The Reaper by Blue Oyster Cult, Loosing My Religion by R.E.M., Smooth by Santana (featuring Rob Thomas), What I've Done by Linkin Park, It's My Life by Bon Jovi, I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing by Aerosmith, Wherever You Will Go by The Calling, Times Like These by Foo Fighters, Higher by Creed, Drive by Incubus, Heat Waves by Glass Animals, I Ain't Worried by OneRepublic.

Wasn't gonna list so many and some are stronger on the feeling than others. Especially any 80's/Elton/Phil. Like it's hard to explain but you just get this tingle in your brain and a sort of oasis of nostalgic serenity. And as you can see it doesn't matter what era or genre of music. For me it's a lot of 80s because that era of music itself is already nostalgic in that I was born at the tail end of it. I wouldn't have any real memories of these outside of my parents or radio playing it but nothing specific really and yet I get a rush of that feeling like I grew up during that era. Idk it's an amazing feeling and gives me a lot of energy.

So after that long explanation (I'm sorry 😮‍💨), I'm just curious what songs of not listed above give you this sensation?

I'm dying to see yours and give them a listen and see if they hit me too! There may be many I've forgotten. Let me know if any of the ones I listed give you the sensation as well. I find the power of music endlessly fascinating.

[kpop-addict25]

Real Life MCSM AU character background information:

gender-neutral!Jesse

Their full name is Jesse Kaylin Prescott

They are born in Los Angeles, California on 15th August 1999

They grew up in a loving family

Their mom worked in a convenience store while their father worked as a car mechanic

Growing up they had a serious dyslexic disorder which got better within the years

They had a hard time finding friends and were constantly bullied in elementary school

They are very artistic and found comfort in drawing

Their parents divorced when they started high school

They graduated with honors at St. Bernard High School in the Arts department

Few years before graduating they moved to a smaller city within California with their mother where they met their best friends

As soon as they moved they signed up for the EnderCon building competition where they met the Ocelots for the first time

They held a big grudge against the Ocelots (mostly Aiden)

A year before the Witherstorm accident they met Reuben and took him under their wing

Growing up they wanted to work as a famous artist but their dream was ruined by the accident and were forced to become a hero

Olivia

Her full name is Olivia Aatkani

She is born in Marrakesh, Morocco on 13th May 1998

She grew up in a poor family until she moved to California at the age of 12

Her parents worked as farmers for small money which was barely enough for food

She has 2 sisters and 3 brothers and she is the youngest one

As soon as the family moved in California their lives started to get slightly better

Her father opened a restaurant for Moroccan culinary which became very successful

She studied at Newark Memorial High School and graduated with the highest grade in her whole class

A little before she graduated she found her best friends

She wanted to seek a higher education but her plans changed as soon as the Witherstorm accident occurred

She can fluently speak Arabic and she learned a little bit of French

Her biggest fear growing up was that she would never be successful enough

She constantly says that the happiness moment in her life was when she got accepted in High School

Since she was little, she always found interest in botanical life and dreamed of having a botanical garden of her own

Axel

His full name is Axel Marshal Lee

He is born in Honolulu, Hawaii on 5th October 1996

His parents owned a little family business which made enough money so he can have a rather normal life

His mother is American while his father has Russian roots

He has a big brother who lives and studies in Canada

As a baby he was a very picky eater but growing up he started loving everything

He spent the first years of his education homeschooled

He went to Kalani High School where he was the school troublemaker

He got expelled from there because of his attitude towards his classmates

His parents were furious and kicked him out of the house and he was forced to live with his uncle for a while in California

As soon as he went to California he became friends with Jesse and Olivia

Him and his parents are still mad at each other but he is still in contact with his brother

He admits that he wasn’t proud of his past and promised himself that he will do better with his future

He considered continuing his education but he wasn’t able to because of the Witherstorm

Petra

Her full name is Petra Hazel Cory

She is born in Dallas, Texas on 26th June 1997

Her mother worked as a school nurse while her father worked as a manager in a prestigious company

When she was little most of the other kids were scared of her because of her tough personality

In her teenage years, she looked like a cold person but deep inside she was longing for people’s attention and approval

She moved to live in California after a big argument with her parents

She attended the San Leandro High School and she graduated with an average grade

She used to be in a band where she was a drummer

She started working multiple jobs so she can afford an apartment to live in

Despite being in cahoots with her parents they supported her for a while until she was able to earn money by herself

She met Jesse and their friends at the store where she worked

A little after she graduated, she got a sword tattoo on her shoulder which symbolised her tough personality and her admiration towards Gabriel the Warrior

Even though he is nothing but a fraud, Petra thinks that Gabriel is a good role model and mentor

She still has a little purple spot on her arm after her Wither-sickness was cured

Lukas

His full name is Lukas Kang

His korean name is Kang Jae-seong

He is born in Daegu, South Korea on 22nd March 1995

His mother is German and his father is Korean

His father works as a surgeon while his mother is a stay-at-home mom

He has an older brother who is married and has a little child

He studied at Gyeongsin High School and graduated with the second highest grade in his whole class

He used to be the captain of the basketball team and he still plays in his free time

One summer when he was on a trip with his parents to California, he became friends with the Ocelots and started to participate with them in the building competition

Since his school was all the way in Korea, he went every summer to California so he can complete with his friends

As soon as he graduated, he moved to California to live with the rest of the Ocelots

He went to university for a little but he had to drop out because of the Witherstorm, saying that he is way “too stressed” to continue

He can fluently speak Korean, Japanese and a little bit of Chinese

In Korea he was quite popular for his natural blue eyes

He used to have black hair until he started bleaching it

He has piercings on his ears during the Witherstorm arc and he gets another one on his eyebrow after that

He has a star tattoo on the side of his neck, under his ear

If he could, he could have became a k-pop idol

He loves music and wanted to become a songwriter but of course he couldn’t because of the Witherstorm and his problems with the Ocelots

He has great vocal skills and according to Jesse he has “angel’s voice”. Also he can play guitar and piano earning the title of “musical prodigy” by the Order

[starzzmissthesun]

I'm here to hear!!!! Please rant about whatever you want cause I want to know everything abt this fic

Hii!!! So first and foremost I made a basic post about this and the characters' roles a while a go here,->

But I'll go into more depth now, because I have the full idea of exactly how it'll all go, though I still want to keep some stuff secret just cause it'll be more fun for y'all I think. As I said, this isn't going to exactly follow the plot of preachers daughter, but I will be using the main themes and subjects surrounding it, along with ones to do with the individual identities of reg + barty. This is set in Louisiana between 1995-1999, though there are memories to when they were kids(but not very often). Sirius is about 10 years older than reg and left the family when reg was just 8. And once his dad died 2 years later, his mother (who was already dealing with some issues) falls completely grief stricken and falls further into her mental illness, leaving Regulus to take care of both of them for her. Barty and reg used to be friends when they were quite young, but the first few years after orions death kept Regulus quite busy and he was kept home by his mom most of the time to "protect him" so they grew distanced. Eventually they got competitive with their schooling and all that. So this is where we pick up the story, Regulus is on his first day of grade 10, and because it's such a small town, they're in all the same classes. Now, the things I used from the story of PD especially were the different parental relationships, generational trauma(for both of them, but shown in VERY different ways), religious trauma(specifically Catholic because that's what I grew up in so it's the deno. I know best, but also. Cults. ), lots and LOTS of fate, the American Dream and pressures from it. This story is very dark and is very horror adjacent, but more so in an eery "some things not right" , disturbing kind of way, though there are some VERY in your face moments that are used for very specific reasons. The main settings for this is the small (made up) town of St peters louisiana, a road trip up the east coast, Nebraska (😧), Helena Montana, and California. There is SO SO SO much foreshadowing and metaphors/symbols I've hidden all over the place. Like genuinely, every thing they do or don't do is incredibly intentional for each character and themes. There is extreme foreshadowing within just the first few chapters. Anyways, any other questions, feel free to shoot another ask!! Also I will be putting out the pintrest board I made for it soon(which has lots of main plot points littered throughout it), and the chapter by chapter playlist because each chapter has a specific song. It's gonna veryyy long, ive still got the last quarter give or take to finish drafting out and I'm at 53 chapters so far. Anyways! I've started writing it finally cause I've been drafting this out for the last 4 months🙏 but, yeah, any thing else at all you're curious about to do with this send me an ask cause it my favourite thing ever😭

[aemiron-main]

They Don’t Remember Him- How Could They? He Never Existed.

So, I talked in this post previously about how there’s frequent references to people not remembering Eddie Munson and how that connects to the subtext that Eddie Munson is delivering about Edward Creel.

And now that I’ve been watching Fringe, I noticed something else:

And

(Those screenshots of the bald dudes in fedoras are from Fringe, and they’re called Observers.)

We have all of these references to Eddie “Edward” Munson, who constantly delivers Edward Creel subtexts, being forgotten/not remembered by people (which then gives us the subtext that Edward Creel has been forgotten/people don’t remember him) versus the Observers talking about how Peter Bishop was forgotten/people don’t remember him.

And then we also have the reason why Peter Bishop was forgotten- it’s because he never existed, because he’s been wiped from existence/from both timelines. And we also have one of the Henwards (likely Henry) talking during NINA about how 001 supposedly never existed/Brenner claimed 001 didn’t exist, but he did.

There’s some sort of connection here!!!!

Peter Bishop was erased from existence- he was originally from an alternate timeline but was kidnapped as a young boy and brought over to another timeline/the main timeline and raised there. Long story short, this caused major issues/holes between the two timelines and the two timelines were trying to destroy eachother, but Peter combined them so that they could work together with eachother- and then, Peter immediately disappeared from existence.

And so, I’m wondering what the hell happened with Edward Creel, and why nobody seems to remember him, and why there’s a.) so many references to people not remembering Eddie Munson and b.) Henward’s line about 001 not existing.

And to top it all off, we have this line regarding Peter Bishop:

And yknow who else has traces of him bleeding through into the timeline?

Edward Creel.

(and it’s also worth noting that California Dreaming, which plays in S4 EP1 of ST, is also playing during rhat Fringe scene about traces of Peter.

And also, going back to that that line about Eddie saying that he wouldn’t even remember himself, it’s haunting me because of what I’ve talked about before with the idea of Edward believing that he’s Henry (and therefore not remembering himself/not remembering Edward Creel).

But yknow who likely would remember Edward Creel/who remembered 001 during that plinko scene with El?

Henry Creel.

Wouldn’t it be perfect if the only person who remembers Edward Creel is Henry Creel, and the only way for Henry to prove that he is, in fact, Henry (especially in the context of Edward believing that he’s Henry) would be for him to remember Edward?

It’d be perfect/ironic because you’d think that if there were two identical boys, one Henry, one Edward, but both claiming to be Henry, and one of them remembered Edward, the initial conclusion would be that the boy who remembers the name Edward must himself be Edward, right?

But because Edward’s forgotten himself/because that initial conclusion is wrong, the only way for Henry to prove who he is would be for him to remember somebody else’s name/identity/prove that the other boy is Edward. Like. Wouldnt it be ironic/right in line with the way ST enjoys subverting things if the only way for somebody to prove who they are was to remember who somebody else is? If proving their identity, the one thing that should be solely tied to them, was inextricably tied up with somebody else’s identity?

I think it would be perfect, especially considering the details of MKultra brainwashing/the way they tried to strip victims of their identity and individuality vs Henry being a MKultra victim who has his identity inextricably tied to somebody else’s identity.

[collapsedsquid]

The Colorado River system, which supplies 35 million people in seven U.S. states and Mexico, nearly collapsed last year. Even after a wet winter, it is dwindling due to overuse and climate change. But no matter how low its reservoirs sink, the historic claims of these families and all of Imperial County place them first in line — ahead of every state and major city — for whatever water remains. How a handful of families and a rural irrigation district came to control so much of the West’s most valuable river is a story of geography and good timing, intermarrying and shrewd strategy, and a rich but sometimes ugly past when racist laws and wartime policies excluded farmers of color. Together, they winnowed the greatest access to these 20 clans, who today use more of the river than all of Wyoming, New Mexico or Nevada. A vast, laser-leveled green quilt of crops covers this naturally bone-dry valley, all of it grown with Colorado River water. The water is held “in trust” by the Imperial Irrigation District and two smaller agencies, meaning they are legally required to deliver the water to any county landowner for use on their property.

Dream someday that Calfornia can have a bourgeoisie revolution and end feudalism

[swansongofalyre]

Where to Find Memento Mori (Updated 9/11/2024)

On August 13, two days before 광복절 (Korean National Liberation Day), my debut novel was released. The book is about Korean-American family, and also about Greek mythology, and I promise this combination makes sense in the end. (For those who are curious, I wrote an uncharacteristically personal guest post for Women's Writers, Women's Books on the topic of what inspired me to write a Eurydice and Orpheus retelling about my Korean grandmother.)

It was surreal to go to a store the other day and see it on a table next to Salman Rushdie and other acclaimed writers. After 13 years of this story existing in some form, I'm so excited that this book is finally out—both because it is a beautiful book that I am proud of and that I hope you enjoy, and also because I would love to stop being my own publicist (it is VERY awkward).

So here is an omnibus post of book-related info that I will keep updated and pinned going forward to finally give the memento mori tag a rest. Below the cut, you will find a running list of indie bookstores and public libraries that I know carry my book. (If you have a New York Public Library card and have 5 minutes, I will love you forever if you would email your local branch to ask them to carry my book, thus fulfilling my lifelong dream of living in the NYPL.)

Also below are a few upcoming events at which I have been invited to speak!

Bookstores by State (as of 9/11/2024)

Search for your local bookstore here!

Arizona

Changing Hands Bookstore (Phoenix and Tempe)

California

Gallery Bookshop (Mendocino)

Timbre Books (Ventura) Sold out for now (but you can still order online)!

Indiana

The Press (Valparaiso)

Iowa

Prairie Lights Books (Iowa City)

Maine

Longfellow Books (Portland) Sold out for now (but you can still order online)!

Massachusetts

Nantucket Book Partners (Nantucket) Sold out for now (but you can still order online)!

Porter Square Books (Cambridge and Boston both back in stock!)

Missouri

Skylark Bookshop (Columbia)

Montana

Chapter One Book Store (Hamilton)

New Hampshire

Water Street Bookstore (Exeter)

New Jersey

Watchung Booksellers (Montclair)

New York

Astoria Bookshop (Queens, 1 signed copy left!)

Book Culture (Signed copies at the 112th St. and Broadway stores; also available at LIC and Pittsford Pittsford has sold out for now!)

Books are Magic (Brooklyn, at both Smith St. and Montague St.)

Market Block Books (Troy) Sold out for now (but you can still order online)!

Greenlight Bookstore (Brooklyn) Back in stock!

Shakespeare & Co (Manhattan, Lincoln Center has signed copies; Lexington also as copies back in stock)

Yu and Me Books (Manhattan; comes with bonus goodies, see below!)

North Carolina

Quail Ridge Books (Raleigh)

Oregon

Powell's (Burnside, Cedar Hills, and Hawthorne locations)

Rhode Island

Heartleaf Books (Providence)

Vermont

Phoenix Books (Burlington and Essex)

Washington, D.C.

Politics and Prose (at both CT Ave NW and Union Market)

Washington State

Elliott Bay Book Company (Seattle)

Wisconsin

Woodland Pattern (Milwaukee)

Libraries (as of 09/10/2024)

Worldcat Listings (Probably the most comprehensive)

Libby (for e-books)

California

Berkeley Public Library

Illinois

Chicago Public Library

Kentucky

Lexington Public Library

Maine

Portland Public Library (On Order)

Michigan

Canton Public Library (On Order)

New York

Greenburgh Public Library (Available)

New York Public Library (Available)

Queens Public Library (Available)

Texas

Harris County Public Library (In Processing)

Virginia

Arlington Public Library (In Processing)

Wisconsin

Whitefish Bay Public Library

Washington State

Seattle Public Library

Online

Bookshop.org (US)

Bookshop.org (UK)

Massive Bookshop (all profits go to community bail funds)

Barnes & Noble

Target

KYOBO 교보문고 (Korea)

Upcoming Events

September 3: Astoria Bookshop in conversation with Maia Lee-Chin for the release of her incredible book Et Cetera

September 22: Narrative Bookshop (Somerville, MA) in conversation with Maia Lee-Chin

September 28: Brooklyn Book Festival for a debut authors panel moderated by THEE Edwidge Danticat

October 17: Fall for the Book Festival in Fairfax, VA for a panel on mythology with Rania Hanna, the amazing author of The Jinn Daughter

[lovebillyhargrove]

Billy's Camaro fic. Chapter 16

***

Ever since he started having all these vague feelings about Hargrove, Steve has never thought that it would lead anywhere. That they would actually end up kissing each other like two drunk teenagers in love, absolutely indecent and steamy, lost in lust, uncaring of the world spinning around them. He has also never imagined that their lips would fit so perfectly well, interlocked in the most natural way, just like they've found home on each other. Lock and key, turn, click, it's their place now.

Billy is kissing him, and the fast and savage has turned into slow and savouring, and it gets registered in his mush brain that they are both moaning, mmm fucking loving it, Hargrove's hand on Steve's crotch is burning his dick through the jeans, and Billy's applying just the right among of pressure, palming Steve, confidently, that smooth motherfucker, like he .. like he knows exactly what he is doing, and maybe .. okay maybe it's the dry spell, maybe it's the fact that Steve has been tiptoeing around dreaming of this moment for so long, or the fact that Steve was caught off guard with Billy showing up without a warning earlier today. Also, quite probably it's the undeniable truth that Hargrove is doing a damn good job kissing him and rolling that big hot palm, rubbing his dick in the way that makes Steve, well .. it's uh ..

It takes him only one minute to literally cream his pants.

His whole body jerks, pleasure waves knocking him over. He's slumping against the door, and Hargrove is still kissing him, no tongue, just kinda holding his lips on Steve's and smiling into the kiss.

Oh god, it is so embarrassing

He did not expect that

To be honest, he didn't expect anything just one hour ago

"Hey I'm .. " his voice is weak and unusually thin

"I think it was the fastest I've ever scored."

Steve's huffing out a nervous awkward laugh and Billy snorts. Steve's eyes are still closed and although the after feels great, he can't look Billy directly in those ice-blue eyes

"I uh .. I usually last longer than that."

"It's fine. We'll have time to explore how long you can hold out for."

No, it's fucking pathetic, and Steve just wants to sink through the floor right now, but Billy .. Billy's hand is now curled around his waist, and he's tickling Steve's ear with his hot breath, and .. he sounds like he means it, it's fine. There's nothing to be ashamed of, it happens. Even the snort wasn't mean.

Steve brings his hand to Hargrove's own visible bulge and tries to unzip the jeans, but Billy stops him mid-movement

"As much as I want it, pretty boy .. and I so want it .. but this stupid wound kinda hurts, and I'm just .. dead tired, I'll fall asleep on the rug here if I don't find a bed right this second."

"Oh of course .. of course!! I'm .. I'm so .. I'm sorry! Are you hungry? Do you want to take a shower? There's still your toothbrush and everything .."

"I'll just go straight to bed. It's tricky to take a shower with a bandage, I'm too tired for it now. And I am hungry, but I'm much more just .." - Billy's whole body is kinda laying on top of Steve, - "It was a long fucking drive. Where can I sleep?"

"Guest room? Or .. my bed? You can sleep in my bed?"

"Your bed."

"Okay."

Steve unglues himself from the door together with Hargrove on him. It feels wet and sticky in his underwear but it also feels amazing.

They go upstairs to Steve's room where Billy just takes off the jacket and jeans

and slides under the blanket in his t-shirt and underwear

"Fuuck, it's so good to finally be able to stretch like that."

He sighs contentedly and mumbles

"Night, Steve."

"Yeah .. good night."

It's six in the evening.

Billy's been on the road for thirty-three hours, did he actually stop? He couldn't have driven from California to Indiana without stopping, could he? It's physically impossible.

Steve's gonna ask all the questions tomorrow.

He goes to the shower and washes away his cum, still high on the ohmygodohmygod it's fucking real. Still bummed about the whole creaming his pants too fast incident. Dammit. Ugh.

***

Close to the morning Steve hears in his sleep like the mattress is shifting near him .. the bed becomes emptier .. he hears the distant sound of running water and then somewhere close to the time when his alarm usually goes off

There's heavy weight on the bed again, and someone's getting under the blanket and sliding his big hand all over Steve's side .. tenderly, slowly .. it is so gentle, but at the same time the hand is heavy, manly, it is so new .. there's the fresh smell of toothpaste and .. yeah it's coffee aroma in the air, and the hand is becoming more insistent, lifting Steve's t-shirt up, kneading his shoulder and back, dragging his underwear down and grabbing his ass cheek, stroking his thigh, down and up and .. oh god going for Steve's already hard dick - what was it, just a couple of seconds - and he's this hard ..? Again.

"I've started the coffee, pretty boy."

Billy's low voice

"Do you have to go to work today?"

"Mhmm .."

Steve's humming, eyes still closed, half asleep.

"It's so fucking hot that you're so easy for me. Look how hard you are already."

Billy is touching him, everywhere, tracing his fingers over Steve's balls and up his cock

"It's the hottest thing, you being so hard for me."

"So soft down there .."

Billy's palm is gently fondling his balls again

"And so hard up here .."

Slowly, torturously dragging the fingers up his dick

There's a wild thought flashing through Steve's still sleepy head that maybe it's all a dream. In this case, Steve doesn't want it to end

Billy's hand is again so sure - how can he be so unafraid ?? ..

It's all about these flesh-scorching sensations in Steve's feverish mind. Feather-like touches, finger taking precome from the slit and spreading it all over the head of his dick, same finger toying with the hem .. a little bit of squeezing, a little bit of loving, circling, circling with maddening consistency

Steve wants to sob in his pillow

"Stop teasing me, Hargrove."

"Do you have any lube?"

"I don't .. nngh .. I don't have any."

Billy spits in his palm and wraps it around him

"This will have to do then."

It feels so filthy, Steve loves it

He loves Hargrove's large hand around his dick

Billy's whispers and moans pour like molten iron in Steve's ear

"You're so hard for me, Harrington .. so fucking easy .."

Hargrove jerks Steve off, his own dick pressing on Steve's ass cheeks, he's humping his ass, breath heavy and sultry

It builds and it builds, and it grows, the pleasure in Steve's lower abdomen, in his balls, ready to explode and flood all his body with bliss

He's fucking into Billy's fist, messily

Until it rips through him, and he cums with a groan all over the bed and his belly and Billy's fist.

Just a couple of minutes later Billy follows

shooting his hot cum on Steve's back, panting sweatily into his neck, and oh my god, if it's not the hottest sensation he's ever felt

This time he did last more than one minute, at least.

Billy's body is relaxed against Steve's and Steve just wants to sleep more, just like that, together, covered in cum - why isn't it gross? Because it isn't, it feels so good

But at this moment his alarm clock goes off

"Damn it!"

He smashes it in frustration and whines

"Don't wanna get up."

When suddenly

Someone's pounding at the door downstairs. Steve's eyelids fly open

The fucker Hargrove chuckles

"Perfect timing hehee .. Who is it? Parents?"

Steve's lifting himself on his right elbow

"No, they uh .. they have a key, they don't need to .."

The pounding resumes

Billy's wiping himself and Steve with a sheet

"You're gonna open the door?"

"Steve ?? STEVE!!!"

That's .. Max's voice? Oh shit. Steve's looking at Billy who's not smiling anymore

"I don't think we have a choice."

Steve jumps out of bed and puts sweatpants on

He turns to face Billy who's still laying on the bed and only now sees that his torso is bandaged, all around

Fucking hell ..

"Hey, Steve !!"

The pounding intensifies

Steve runs downstairs

"Coming!! I'm coming, Jesus!"

He opens the door, and there's Max, eyes fiery, fists clenched

"Hey is Billy here? El told me .."

"Uh .. yeah. Uhm .."

Max pushes past Steve.

"Billy .. ??"

Turns to him.

"Where is he?"

'Well, he is sleeping, I guess. But uh .. you probably woke him up. Just a second, I'll go look."

There's no need, cause Billy is coming down the stairs, wearing Steve's other sweatpants and throwing on a t-shirt

Max sees the bandage though

"Oh my god, Billy? .. Billy, are you okay? Are you .. "

She's staring at him, eyes wide open

"You're alive? .."

She flings herself at Billy but he's wincing at the embrace, patting her shoulder with his right hand

"Easy, Max."

Is he not happy to see her ? - Steve thinks

"You're alive, asshole !! Why didn't you tell me?"

Billy's just standing there, like a stone statue.

Max steps back a little.

"Were you going to tell me ?? .."

"How did you know I'm here?"

"El called me yesterday and said that .. you were alive and coming to Hawkins. She was so happy, she said Hopper was back and she said .. family's important."

Max is clutching her backpack straps

"It was very late yesterday for me to go outside, mom .. mom doesn't let .. and doesn't like when I stay out late, so I had to wait till the morning but .. I couldn't sleep and .."

"Oh, how's Susan?"

"She's .." - Max's shoulders slouch a little

"She's okay but .."

She stops mid-sentence and suddenly glances at Steve as if looking for some information

"Does he ..? Do you know about your ..?"

"I know, Max. I know about Neil."

They both fall silent.

Somehow Steve decides that it is not the worst moment to cut in

"Hey guys? Does anyone want coffee? Let's go to the kitchen? Did you have breakfast, Max?"

"I couldn't eat much, but yeah .. yeah, I did, thanks Steve."

They're in the kitchen and Steve starts pouring himself a mug of coffee when Max looks at the clock

"I need to get to school. Can somebody .. can you drive me, Billy?"

She's nervous because

Because she knows Billy can be an asshole

Which is exactly what happens

"Listen, Max, I sort of .. just came back from the dead, and you're already piling up a brother's .. step-brother's responsibilities on me? Can't drive anybody anywhere. I'm injured. How did you get here?"

"I walked. Can't skate in winter."

"Well .. school's not that far."

Steve's giving them both a coffee each

"Don't be a jerk, Billy." He says

"Oh so now I'm the jerk?"

Max is on the verge of tears

"You're the biggest jerk there is! Why am I the last one to find out you're alive?"

"Well, why was I the last one to find out about the upside down shit, huh, sister?"

Billy's stubborn like a donkey, Steve kinda knows that about him already. Steve himself has never been good at this sibling shit, he grew up alone, so he's kinda lost here. He's trying his best though.

There are two trails of tears running down Max's face

"I'm sorry, Billy."

Billy's not showing any reaction

Yep, siblings' drama

"Guys! I'll drive you to school, Max, and you .." - glancing at Hargrove - "You wanted to go somewhere?"

"I actually wanted to have a quiet day today, Harrington! Just uh .. just need to go to hospital probably to have it looked at."

Billy's gesturing at his left side

He avoids looking at Max.

Most likely, Steve's got to be the adult here.

"Okay! Okay, don't fight!"

"No-one's fighting, Harrington." - Billy's rolling his eyes and Max is trying not to let a single sniffle out.

"Let's just .. let's just take it step by step. Max, you need to be at school, right ?"

Max's nodding

"When?"

The two of them are looking at the clock

"Like .. in twenty minutes?"

"Right, school starts at 8.30 .." - Steve's addressing Hargrove now. - "I need to be at work at 9.00, can you drive yourself to the hospital?"

"Where would I get the car? Your beamer is near Family Video. Also, what about breakfast?"

"Uhm .. okay, I'm taking Max to school now, and then I'm picking you up from here and driving to Family Video where you can take one of the cars and go to the hospital? And we can stop and get bagels on the way. How's that for a plan?"

Billy's shrugging his broad shoulders like he doesn't care

"Yeah whatever."

"I'll just go change."

When Steve comes downstairs, he sees that Max is still waiting in the kitchen, but Billy's sitting on the couch in the living room

Having brothers or sisters is not the easiest thing, huh

"Let's go, Max?" Steve's grabbing the camaro keys.

"Bye, Billy." It comes out quiet and sad.

"See you around, Maxine." This comes out indifferent.

"I know you don't believe me but I'm glad you're back."

Hargrove isn't answering anything to that, and Steve and Max leave the house.

On the way Steve promises Max to tell her all about Billy's rescue later. He also says he'll talk to Billy about .. about what just happened between them.

"Just give him time, he's been through so much, and he actually has the right to be pissed about some things. You know like .. we kept him in the dark about this whole situation, and .. it almost cost him his life."

"Yeah, I know." Max is looking out of the window. "We should've told him about everything from .. from the beginning. We were stupid."

"Yeah .." - Steve pauses. - "How are things with your mom, by the way?"

"It's okay. It's difficult for her after Neil's death, but .. I hope she's going to be okay. We're moving soon. I don't know where yet, but this house is too big for us now."

Steve drops Max off at school

"If you need any help, call me, Max."

When he gets back, Billy's already dressed and waiting.

They get in the car. Steve can literally feel that the camaro is thrilled to see Billy, it makes all these excited sounds, the engine is singing.

First, they drive in silence but then

"Billy? I kinda felt sorry for Max, I mean .. weren't you happy to see her?"

"On cloud fucking nine, Harrington."

"That's uh .. listen, that's not my place to say anything but uh .. weren't you too harsh on her?"

"First of all, Harrington, stop with that "Oh it's not my place to say .." bullshit, okay? We're fucking, I'm staying at your house, you .. you saved me from that hellhole. And second, Max is .. yeah, she's a kid, bit it's not like she's a little fucking baby who didn't .. who doesn't understand anything!"

Steve's got a feeling Billy's talking about something else entirely, not just their earlier encounter

Also

Steve again feels that tingling sensation at the back of his head.

We're fucking, I'm staying at your house ..

Billy's rubbing his eyes with both palms

"The thing is .. I know. I know, Steve, you're right. It's just that .. there's so much family shit involved like .. I never even wanted a sister, and my dad .. even if it was her fault, I'd get slapped around anyways so .. but I know. Give me a couple of days. I'll pick her up from school or something. We'll go get burgers. We'll talk. Or something. Can we just go get our bagels now, Steve, I'm starving, like .. really ?"

The bagels are freshly baked and delicious, or maybe Steve's just after-sex hungry and happy. The boys devour them like two young wolves.

They say their good-byes for the day in front of the video store.

"I'll take my car. We'll go for a drive. Where's that hospital?"

"It's close to Main Street. There's gonna be a huge sign, you won't miss it."

"Alright. See you after your work. Want me to make some dinner?"

"I uh .. I don't know." Steve wasn't ready for this question.

"Okay, I'll figure it out."

Hargrove gets in the camaro and the car honestly looks like the most delighted pup.

Steve doesn't know how they'll do it, make peace, Billy and the camaro. And whether they'll make peace at all. He's curious, but fuck his life, he's gotta be at work.

Billy goes to the hospital, where they put a new bandage on his wound. Drives around in the camaro a bit, all conversations they might be having remain a secret only two of them share. He goes to Harrington's later and sleeps through the day.

Dinner is tricky, cause Harrington doesn't seem to have much food in his cupboards. Maybe they'll just go to the diner. Or pasta it is.

He's there to pick Steve up from work, and Steve's cheeks burn hot when he sees Billy waiting for him outside Family Video. They drive back separately, taking both cars to Harrington's place.

"I'll race you there, pretty boy."

Steve just scoffs and shakes his head cause he knows his beamer doesn't stand a chance.

He's right.

***

Next chapter. I know this one was supposed to be last, but then Max popped out of nowhere. The boys are still in need of a decent conversation. Also, I'm all for Billy and Max bonding and becoming the brother and sister we want them to be. I just think it won' t happen overnight. They'll need so much time. There will be so much assholery and passive-aggressive bitching. They'll get there, but it won't be all sugary sweet

[rrezshifts]

𝓶𝙮 𝙧𝖊𝙖𝙡i𝙩𝙞e𝙨 !!

“ my dreams fuel the fire that brings me to my desires „

formula 1 reality (1) — theodore gutierrez is the mclaren reserve driver who replaces lando norris mid 2023 season, with a contract already signed up before his first practice session. admist the pressures of succeeding in formula 1, the new driver has personal stresses over his strained relationship with his now teammate oscar piastri, and the past they share.

ancient greece reality — theodorian of athens, the son of rich wine makers in greece, is set to inherit the business after his father retires. his father tells the press that he won’t retire for years, so the heir lays in wait for his time to come. in his rest, chrysanthos of athens (oc) catches the young man’s eye. as the two spiral into love, they have to grapple with the public’s eye and opinions.

formula 1 reality (2) — theodore gomez, scuderia lamborghini’s golden boy, is loved by so much of the world wide sport. that doesn’t seem to be enough for the young driver, who falls for his ex-teammate and best friend, charles leclerc, who he just made up with after leaving ferrari with out a work. to make matters worse, he feel for that friends girlfriend, alexandra saint mleux, as well. it’s quite rare for messy situations to end in clean solutions, but here we are.

model!marauders reality — theodore grado is a trans male model hiding in the background of many runways and shoots compared to his high end friends. he doesn’t yearn for the spotlight, living for the moment is all he cares for. especially with his friends. especially with his best friend sirius black. the two madly in love without knowing it’s reciprocated.

young avengers reality (comics) — in tommy shepherd’s penthouse room in the avengers tower, you can find theodore gutierrez. he’s either waiting for his boyfriend to come back from a mission or cuddling with his boyfriend as they rewatch their favorite movies. theo has powers, but not the guts to fight, only using his fear manipulation to calm his anxiety.

marvel reality (comics) — theodore gomez met two average people before learning of their hero identities and the fact they weren’t as average as he thought. maya lopez & matt murdock however have met before before meeting theo, having gone on dates but eventually going separate ways after complications … now theo has fallen for both, and the twos feelings remain.

dead boy detectives reality — charles rowland and edwin payne are two ghosts who died and run from death to stay in the afterlife solving crimes. theodore gutierrez is an immortal demigod, son of the universe, he’s able to see and interact with ghosts. he runs into the two men in 1998 after living for 36 and then spends the next 26 years with them helping them solve crimes with his psychic like abilities. truths and feelings spill out as events spiral out of control.

bridgerton reality — eleanor hayward, daughter of a viscount, left for america with dreams of an education. there she met an indigenous mexican man who she married, has a child, and lived with for decades. her family however begged eleanor to send her only child, theodore guayuán, to london to find a wife after failing at home. in london theo doesn’t find a wife, however, instead finding augustus st. vincent (oc), a viscount often described as a wallflower.

read dead redemption reality — when the majority of the van der linde gang seperated from their leader itself as his mental health declined and he refused to listen to reason. they headed for california in hopes of a life far away from crime. as they reached the northern part of the state, they found theodore gutierrez on his home reservation. theo offered to help the gang guiding them down california to find a final stop in the journey for a peaceful life for the crew. through this journey him and charles smith get closer and theo has to decide if he’s returning to his reservation or staying with his new found family.

nepo baby reality — the grandson of old hollywood actor sal mineo, and the great-godson of james dean, theodore grado isn’t a a-list actor and never wished to be. spending time on projects that mean a lot to him or are just fun. he’s often voice acts when he gets the chance. in 2015 he meets elle purnell where they become close friends, eventually slowly starting a romantic relationship.

monster high!college reality — theodore orlok is the son of the vampire nosfertu. getting their degree in monster ecology has never been more fun in a world like this. ghoulia yelps catches the eye of the vampire, and he does all he can to get closer to the zombie. however smart she is, she can not see the signals he sends her way.

arcane reality (1) — theodore | ৻ꪆ viktor & jayce talis

arcane reality (2) — theodore | ৻ꪆ jinx & ekko

marauder!uni reality — theodore gutierrez | ৻ꪆ sirius black [more coming soon…]

twilight reality — theodore gomez | ৻ꪆ angela weber [more coming soon…]

the quarry reality — theodore gomez | ৻ꪆ jacob custos [more coming soon…]

star wars reality — theodore geyit | ৻ꪆ tech [more coming soon…]

ib !! @hrrtshape & @mjsrealm

divider !! d-oie