#ssa-m-187 it's me

[ilostyou]

i have given up announcing myself and i just hope my mutuals know it's me in their replies and likes and whatever and not some fucking weirdo

[robertsbarbie]

just listened to helicopter by maisie peters and i need you to know that the brainrot (All brainrot) is positively out of control on this one i’m 🧍🏻‍♀️

you’re welcome 🤭

[heystephen]

♫ <333

the only exception / paramore

knife under my pillow / maggie lindemann

fuck about it / waterparks ft. blackbear

fruit roll ups / waterparks

sunflower, vol. 6 / harry styles

Send me a “♫” and I will put my music on shuffle and give you a 5 song playlist

[butchdiaz]

foolish one (stop checking your mailbox for confessions of love) 5.4k, miscommunication & fluff

His voice rings through Eddie's ears. I wrote him a note. And now they're together and Ravi is clearly head over heels in love with this guy. All because of a note. Eddie can write a note. His feet are carrying him to Bobby's office before he can chicken out, and he barges in without knocking. Bobby just looks up from his paperwork, bemused. "Hi Eddie." "Hi Bobby," he says, somehow breathless from the ten steps it took to get here, "Can I borrow a sticky note? And a pen?"

* or, eddie writes a note, buck thinks he has a secret admirer, and the firefam is supremely unhelpful.

taglist under the cut!

@comeon-intothemadhouse @panbuckley @poetindenial @buckley-diaz-rules @ssa-m-187 @anxieteandbiscuits @hannah-ruth-990 @ditzyoracle @goldenbcnes @911onabc @bucks118 @carryingbears @alyxmastershipper @prince-buck-diaz @gemini-trash @jesuisici33 @mysteriouslyyounggalaxy @kindastabby @gaylicense @try-set-me-on-fire @jamietarts @useramor @poughkeepsies @wallpaper-inside-my-heart @king-buckley

[drspencerweed]

JKFDFHJMSJHZSAGFKJAHSLKFLJDKBJHLK SCREAMING

THIS IS SO FUNNY and you're not wrong bestie i so agree undercut reid is no longer sub!spence as we know him

i think season 6/7 is when he goes from strictly sub to sub-leaning switch, and i think this moment is SO FUNNY because to me his comment about ‘everyone having a scary side’ is him referencing this newfound interest in domming but he just PANICS when penelope asks him to show her

like what is he gonna do, spank her? derek would have his neck

[spencerreidsmiles]

hi besties

I’m feeling a LOT better today and I just wanted to say a big thank you to my babes @ssa-m-187 @homoose and @wheelsup for sending me lovely encouraging messages <3 I adore each and everyone one of you lovelies

[reidyoulikeabook]

*queue Jeffery Bezos from Bo Burnham’s Inside*

STOP my friend made me watch inside over the weekend and all i have in my head 24/7 is every song from it </3 i know nothing about bo burnham at all (until watching it i thought he was english ... that was WRONG) but OH BOY CEO ENTREPENEUR born in 1964 ! jeffery! jeffery bezos !!

[andromedasstarship]

31 & 36 for the valentines asks!!

tysm for these m cause i have v strong opinions for these!!!

31. guitar or piano?

piano PIANO piANo pIaNO!!! nothing is as beautiful to me as the piano

36. cloud gazing or star gazing?

star gazing for sure! something about recognizing how small we are in the cosmos comforts me idk

send me a ‘valentines day’ ask!

[anothermansjeans]

from the friends to lovers prompt list, “do you think they feel the same?” and “Have you ever thought about…us? Y’know, as an…item?” are two sentences that Spencer Reid would definitely say out loud the awkward dork

ohh yes, love awkward dorky spencer!!

pairing: spencer reid x gn!reader

prompt list || wc: .6k

++

“Do you think they feel the same?”

The abrupt question came from Spencer as he, Penelope, and Emily all stood around the coffee machine. His eyes had been set on you the whole time they had been over there, watching as you went through multiple files.

“Did you just… admit to liking Y/N?” Penelope’s question was laced with hope, looking between him and where you sat.

“Well, I…” a sigh escaped his lips, “I figured everyone except for Y/N knew… so why not just ask the question I’ve been wanting to know for a long time.”

There was a silent moment between the three of them… too silent, and when Spencer looked over at the pair, the shock was evident on their faces.

“…what?”

Shaking themselves out of their current state, Penelope’s lips turned upward into the hopeful smile that was previously on her face. “Honestly, Spencer, I’m surprised you haven’t—”

“I think you should be the one to ask them.” Emily’s bluntness caused Penelope’s mouth to shut.

“R-really?” he looked between the two watching them nod in encouragement. “I’m uh, not really sure.”

“Reid, the only way you’ll get answers to your questions is if you ask the right people. The right person for your question just so happens to be Y/N.”

It took him another moment to really consider it. This was you they were talking about. The person who accepted Spencer for who he was since his first day at the BAU. The person who always volunteers to go see foreign films with him. The person he fell in love with because, well, because life seemed to want to throw that cliche at him— him falling in love with his best friend. But Emily was right. Logically speaking, if you want a question answered truthfully, you have to ask the person who actually knows the answer. You were that person.

He got up without saying another word, and made his way over to you, and the moment you sensed his presence, you looked up at him with a smile. “Hey, Spence.”

“Hey.”

“Are we still on for tonight? I’ll make sure to bring over any snacks you want.”

Oh yeah, the two of you were supposed to watch movies at his place. Spencer really hoped the next couple of minutes wouldn’t make it too awkward to the point where that didn’t happen.

“Yeah, yeah. I was uh,” he looked around the bullpen, seeing everyone minding their own business— well, except for Emily and Penelope that is— “I was thinking, and was wondering something…”

“Wondering something” you questioned, closing whatever file you have opened so that your full attention was on him.

“Yeah it’s just… have you ever, uh, have you ever thought about… us? Y’know, as an… item?”

With your elbows perched on your desk, you rested your chin on your hands, “Spencer?”

“Mhmm?” He suddenly wanted to look anywhere but at you.

“I have most certainly thought about it. I think about it quite a lot.”

Now he was looking at you. Eyes wide and jaw dropped, he was speechless.

“So,” you began after a reasonable amount of quietness between the two of you, “does that… make you wanna ask any other questions?”

He quickly nodded his head before a blush appeared on his cheeks, and he cleared his throat. “Would you like to go on a date with me? Tonight! We can still watch movies like we planned, but I can order dinner and we can talk beforehand and generally, it can be more… intimate than any other movie night. I want to make it special.”

The smile on your face was one he was familiar with, only this time it looked ten times brighter. “That sounds like an amazing night. I would love to, Spence.”

++

permanent tag list: @astonefield @averyhotchner @ssa-m-187 @nomajdetective @pastelbabygirl19 @cacoetheswriting @nyx2021 @openheart12

spencer x reader: @sultrypotter @goose-eats-god

join my tag list: tag list form

[wheelsup]

baby’s favorite

category: fluff, dad!spencer x reader. warnings: none. word count: 1.06k. A/N: this blurb was requested by @saspencereid for my 750 celebration! prompts: “your hands are so small!” + “why are you looking at me like that?”

For the first few weeks of your daughter’s life, she was a complete mommy’s girl. If ever you left her sight for a split second, she’d burst into tears that only stopped once you picked her up.

Each time she’d have a fit, Spencer had one of his own for the fact that his own baby wouldn’t let him hold her. She only wanted you, and no one else could stop those fat tears from rolling down her cheeks — the same tears caused Spencer’s own when he realized he couldn’t do anything to soothe them.

From an objective, scientific perspective, Spencer understood that it was common in newborns to have outbursts due to overstimulation in their new, non-womb environment. They seek an anchor when it happens and, statistically, babies tend to prefer their mother’s comfort over anyone else. Their feel, their scent, and their voices are the most familiar to the baby. Even though Spencer spoke to her through your belly every morning and night for the previous nine months, hoping to familiarize himself to the baby, the sound of his voice was still muffled whereas yours was amplified.

The science laid it out for him; it wasn’t personal, and he’d just have to wait a handful of weeks to let it pass. Unfortunately, Spencer is also known to be a bit… sensitive? Emotional? Irrational?

He sure took it personally when he spent three weeks in agony watching his own baby prefer your arms over his. He felt cheated out of his paternal role, of being someone she looked to for safety, and he was willing to make his feelings known by pouting about it every chance he got.

Eventually that phase passed, but in the many months since then, Spencer hasn’t stopped making up for lost time.

He took her to the park every Saturday, just the two of them, and pushed her on the kiddie swings until she got tired. Every quick trip to the grocery store turned into a father-daughter excursion because he'd bring her along and put her in the cart seat, even if he was just going in and out for a carton of milk. On lazy afternoons, he’d stretch out on the couch to read a good book with her sleeping soundly on his chest. Eventually he’d doze off, too, and you’d find them in the same position hours later.

Best of all, every morning he would sneak out of bed before you woke up to get his alone time to play with the baby without you there to divide her attention. And God forbid that you wake up first — he’d tackle you in a heartbeat if you tried to interfere with their morning routine.

He said it was only fair to him that he should get to balance it out because you got more than your fair share of one-on-one baby time in those first few weeks. But it wasn’t balanced at all, in fact the scales would’ve broken apart under the weight of Spencer’s side.

He went out of his way to make sure he became the new favorite and by now all you could do was concede your throne.

But it’s a title you’re happy to give up to him, because coming downstairs to your husband and baby happily together is a sight too sweet to lose.

This morning, Spencer’s sitting at the kitchen table with your baby perched right on top, cradling her pudgy little body with one arm so she didn’t topple over.

He fed her hand-mashed strawberries from a colorful plastic plate, making little choo-choo noises to get her to open up — she’s an easy child and would eat it regardless, so you like to believe the train effects are really more for Spencer’s enjoyment. But she’s giggling right alongside him and these are the two most perfect sounds you’ve ever heard.

You hid behind the wall to watch them in this untouchable bubble they’ve created around themselves. Full of light, and laughter, and love.

“Gosh, look at you. You’re the cutest baby in the world,” he cooed, stroking her rosy cheeks with a delicate finger. He left a soft kiss on each side of her face, “I love you so much, you know that?”

She giggled at him and held onto his nose with one hand as he came down to her. From where you’re standing, it sure looks like she knows.

“And look! Look at your hands! Your hands are so small! I could eat them,” he popped one of her tiny hands into his mouth and pretended to gnaw on it before blowing raspberries on her skin.

She squealed and grabbed his chin, holding his face steady to get a good look at him.

Instantly her mood changed from bubbly giggles to a sort of quiet focus. Her eyes were trained hard and mouth agape, it was a look you’ve never seen on her before.

“What is it, angel? Why are you looking at me like that?” he laughed, but her face remained concentrated. Like she was trying to communicate with him but didn’t know how.

At first she was just babbling, trying to get Spencer to make sense of her sounds. Your stomach fluttered at the idea of what may come next.

“D...D-Dada.”

Time stopped and Spencer was silent as stone. The grin melted off his face and his hands were shaking coming up to meet hers.

The more she looked at him the bigger she smiled, until it took over her whole face while Spencer’s was becoming wrecked.

“Dada!” she repeated more confidently.

With tears welling in his eyes, he hugged her warm body flush to his chest, smushing his nose into her as he pressed his trembling lips on her forehead.

“Yeah, angel. You’re right.” His sobs blended with his laughs as he stroked the wispy hairs on her head, whispering against her skin. “I’m your dad.” He repeats it to himself like he can’t believe it’s true, that he could make something so perfect and sweet.

Before she can notice his tears, he bounces her in his arms and peppers her face with little kisses until she’s having a giggly fit yet again.

In a minute, you’re going to go over there and give them both a kiss on the cheek. You’ll wipe Spencer’s eyes and tell your baby you’re proud of her. But for now, you’re going to let them have their little moment to themselves. Full of light, and laughter, and love.

-

taglist: @ellesgreenaway @suburban--gothic @sturmmhond @ssa-sarahsunshine @mercy-burning @reidspurple @mediocre-writer @honeyboysteezy @blondefrnk @andreasworlsboring101 @ssa-m-187 @calm-and-doctor @drayshadow @s1utformgg @reidgifs @no-alarms-no-surprises-silence @you-sunshine

[ilostyou]

i am so sorry to the people who don’t realize my main is. me. it’s not a random weirdo liking every one of your posts it’s ME i’m the weirdo

[reidslibrarybook]

🎉 HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE 🎉

we're gonna pretend that the gifs that make up 'year' are all together and that my plans to make them fit together in one row weren't derailed 😭

these past 12 months have been tough but i just wanna tell all of you, whether we're mutuals or not, that i am extremely thankful and grateful that we've interacted/are in the same community. cm has been a life saver for me and i'm glad we're all bonding over traumatized fbi agents lmao.

cheers to a new year full of love and laughter, i love you and it really is an honor to be here with all of you!

tagging some of my mutuals to send them a little extra love this new year <3

@samuel-de-champagne-problems @reidsacademia @meganskane @ssa-m-187 @fightingdragonswithreid @reidsbookclub @boldlyvoid @mercy-burning @quietmisery @unmitigatedsuperiority @everyonesfavoritepipecleaner @spencerreidat3am @donald4spiderman @leahblackk @breedablespencie @deadravenclaw @lilacsandfreesias @buckleyhans @lil-stark

[leahblackk]

Twin Flames

Summary: Emily, Garcia, Spencer and Morgan finds a little journal/Diary from reader and decided to read it, but that lead them to find her obscure secret leaving Spencer Reid with a broken heart.

Little note; This is a universe where Maeve didn’t have a stalker and goes and visit Dr. Reid at wok and not being officially a couple, and this is also a world where JJ haven’t met Will yet.

Couple: Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Type: Angst mostly.

Warnings: Just someone talking about their feelings so I guess not but if you find anything please let me know!

Hello! I’ve been having a really strong hit of inspiration and I own a diary/journal myself and the word by word we see in here might or might not be on my journal/diary word by word as well, but I’m just saying. Someone once told me that you have to use your own pain as a way to lead you to find the right path, as Taylor’s Swift songs, people have broke her heart and look at her, she’s the queen of my heart. So I’m gonna go for the same path as my queen hoping I honored the writers with broken hearts. This might or might not be two or more parts so have fun finding who reader is talking about! And thank you to my bestie for being the first one to read this @junoscorner also tagging someone who wanted me to tag them on my post @measure-in-pain

Also I’ll be tagging these people who tagged me on their writing and I want to do the same @samuel-de-champagne-problems and @ssa-m-187 hoping they keep tagging me! (I think they did or I just confused things lmao my brain is not that good after all)

The air softly entered the bullpen, moving all the way to the team's skin, touching and caressing them, moving strains of hair and some papers on desks. Emily and Morgan worked in front of each other, sometimes looking up to say something and then laugh about it, having a joking manner while their hands moved through their paperwork, wanting to finish it soon as possible so they can finally leave for their plans for the rest of the day, not having cases in that week, something rare but fortunate.

Spencer and Y/n, working next to each other on the other side of the room, Spencer sipping the coffee his dear lovely friend, Maeve Donovan, dropped earlier to make her matutine visit talking with Spencer in the process and making Y/n’s heart mashed a little because of their interaction.

Y/n didn't hate Maeve, she actually thought that she was a sweet and clever girl, and the team liked her, so why would she hate her? Of course, it was stupid to do, but that didn't mean she didn't feel something breaking inside her because of their little interactions. Besides, Y/n never met someone so perfect for Spencer than Maeve.

Y/n was about to finish her pile of paperwork, being tired of that day and being tired of life in general. It has been a really rough week, and she only wished to go home and watch Doctor Who without having to worry about her feelings towards a specific doctor.

For a while now, she had been in the team having a solid and beautiful friendship with Spencer, yet her heart insisted on making an appearance, making her develop feelings for him. Having her heart beat faster and faster until the oxygen in her lungs couldn't make their path and was hurtful and difficult to breathe.

The way her hands shake or sweat when he was around and the way she finds her staring at him more than once, hoping he didn't notice.

She tried to look at those little details no one noticed in him. The way his jawline is more prominent when he's distracted, how he slightly opens his mouth when he's reading or when he is concentrated. How he often bit or licks his lips, and the little nose scrunch he does.

His face was something she couldn't believe, it was soft, and he had moles around it, making it look like stars in the sky. His skin will glow in the sun even though he's sensitive to this one. The way he always has messy hair, Morgan making it massier with his little tease.

She finds Spencer Reid, without doubt, a masterpiece. And not in the way of beauty standards, but because of those little details he had that made him… Spencer Reid.

Her thoughts were shaking out, making her get out of her head when JJ made her way to Spencer's desk sitting on the edge and directing her gaze towards him, Y/n having a view of the back of her white blouse.

Spencer directed his eyes to meet JJs, smiling at her. Y/n looked down at her desk, wanting his eyes to be on her.

"Do you have plans for tonight, Spence?" JJ asked with a soft tone.

Spence.

Her heart ached at the thought of it. JJ brought that nickname for him, the way her tongue rolls to make the words out of her mouth all the way to Y/n's ears and then to her heart to be squeezed in a hurtful way, making her cut her breath which was making its peaceful way to her lungs to keep functioning.

But she didn't hate her either. JJ was the mother of the team, caring for Y/n as well, making sure she was okay, so no, she couldn't hate her.

But she was human, and it hurt.

"No, I do not. I guess I'll watch some documentaries today. I was reading about this new scientist experiment…" he started rambling about his new discovery of the week.

"Spence," JJ cut him off  "Do you think you can change your plans and come with me tonight?"

Y/ns heart stopped.

"I-uh, I-I don't know, i'll think about it."

Why wouldn't he go with her?

JJ was definitely fun to be around, she was great company, and she was so beautiful, so perfect for him.

JJ kept talking about something Y/n didn't hear too well, the blood making echo in her ears making it hurt.

She closed the files and left them there, on her desk. She started putting everything in her bag. Then, with the files in hand, she got up and started walking towards Hotch's office, leaving the files on his desk in his empty office. He already finished his day wanting to spend more time with Jack after a week of just seeing him at bedtime.

She made her way back with JJ still on Spencer's desk, and she took her bag, putting the last things there. Morgan looked at her in confusion, "Are you already leaving, baby angel?"

She looked up at him and gave him a fake smile, nodding, "Yes, I already finished my job, so I can leave now," she said with counterfeit excitement.

"Do you have plans for tonight?" He asked in a flirting manner, moving his eyebrows up and down with a smirk on his face. Y/n heard Spencer cough but didn't look at him.

"Yup, I have my date," she took her bag and made her way out, "With Doctor Who so please do not interrupt me unless it is an emergency. Goodbye," she exited the building hearing some laughs from her coworkers.

Y/n needed to get out of there as soon as possible as her heart was hurting, and the tears of sadness and pain were making their way out and down on her cheeks.

…

Ten minutes after Y/n left, Spencer noticed a scarlet red book with black and brown in the corners, medium size and what seemed like a hardcover in Y/n's desk. His eyebrows almost touched each other when he frowned. Then, he got up and stretched his hand, taking the book in his hand, realizing his statement of the hardcover was correct.

His fingers traced the patterns with a soft touch feeling the fabric and the cold of the book. It didn't have a title on the cover, being just the colour and the pattern. His confusion was increasing now.

He delicately opened the book and looked at the first page full of golden glitter with Y/ns initials. He smiled at the slight touch. He knew that was something she did every time she got a new journal.

So his confusion fades away. That was her journal.

His curiosity begged him to keep reading, but his heart being faithful to her and her trust, didn't want to keep reading because he knew her journal was something personal, and he knew her that well to know that in the next page, there were threats to those who dared open her secret book, so he flipped the page and chuckled when he was right.

"Belongs to Y/n Y/L, and if you find this book either because of coincidence or because you figured where I hide it, I will let you take a minute to consider your well-being and your life and stop reading from here."

He flipped the page again, knowing what it was there.

"Seriously, stop being so nosy and stop reading. Consider your life and take a minute to breathe in. If you keep reading, it might be the last time you do something as simple as that without pain <3."

He laughed this time at her intentions of keeping her privacy and knowing her all too well. He closed the book and put it on his desk.

Y/n was his best friend, and he wouldn't read it because he knows it was her privacy, and if he wanted to know something about her, he would ask, and she trusts him so she would answer his questions, and he doesn't want that trust to fade away. Besides, he owns a journal/diary as well, Y/n introduced him to that world, and he wouldn't want someone reading his.

Even though neither Y/n nor Spencer writes really dark and deep secrets in their journals, knowing someone can read it and both having trust issues, they just write down their thoughts when the weight of them is too much, or maybe when they have an idea of something or to remember.

But Morgan didn't have those intentions when he walked where Spencer was, just the minute after he put the book down and tried to keep it for his best friend until he saw her again after leaving so fast today.

"What do you have there, pretty boy?" Morgan asked.

Spencer looked at him and tried to grab the book to keep it safe from Morgan's hands, but it was too late. "That's uh-t-that's something I've been reading this week," he lied. Derek looked at him in disbelief and smiled, shaking his head.

"Nuh-uh, let's see. Without a title, that's interesting," he looked at the cover and opened it looking at the page with glitter, "This definitely not a normal book, and it's not yours either."

"Just because it has glitter doesn't mean it's not mine," he answered, already annoyed by Morgan's behaviour.

Spencer got up and tried to grab the book, but Derek wouldn't let him. Emily and Penelope walked where the boys were with curiosity. "What are you two doing? I didn't know you could play freezbeewith a book," Garcia joked.

"Pretty boy here was hiding this incredibly interesting book from us."

"Naughty boy," Emily said with a smile.

"Alright, it's not mine. Is Y/ns but please do not open it or read it. It's her personal journal, and she left it here, and I don't think it's a good idea to read it."

"But you were reading it." "I-I wasn't. I was looking at the first pages to know if it was truly hers, and if you look at the following page, you would know she doesn't want anyone to read it."

Morgan looked at him in a joking manner. Then he opened the book and read the first pages. Those Spencer read minutes before, "Well, you weren't kidding with not wanting to read her diary part. Jeez," he said, amazed by the way she threatened them.

"It's not a diary, it is a journal, and if you don't mind, I would want her book back so I can return it to her," Spencer inclined to take the book out of Morgans hands, but he didn't let him bringing the book to his back and laughing at Spencer's face.

"Come on, pretty boy, are you gonna tell me you don't want to read pretty girls journal?" He said, emphasizing the "journal" part after being corrected by Spencer.

"No, I really don't. If I want to know something about her, I'd ask."

"There are secrets that can't be shared," Emily said, looking at Spencer, interfering in the conversation for the first time, with Garcia by her side looking quietly at the group.

"See? Emily agreed to read the journal."

"Uh, excuse me," The brunette said, standing from the edge of the desk where she was. "I never said that. I am only saying there are secrets people can't share, and I know for sure Y/n has them, but that doesn't mean it is a good thing to read her journal."

"Still, I'm curious, so I will read it, and if you three don't, then it is your problem. It is not like I want to know baby angels dirty secrets, but I do want to know what is in that head of hers because I am a good friend, and apparently, I am the only one who has been noticing how she's been acting all weird, and I want to help, and I know she won't say anything but here," he said shaking the book in spencers face. "Is the truth of her behaviour."

Spencer sighed, knowing he won't stop Derek from reading the book. He sat at the edge of his desk with guilt filling his bones, feeling like he was betraying his best friend's trust, even if he wasn't the one holding the book, wanting to know what was written on its pages.

Morgan opened the book and passed pages and pages with his large fingers, trying to look at something recently. He actually didn't want to read her journal and know everything inside of it, but he wanted to help her, and she was a stubborn person who wouldn't admit what was going inside her head.

His eye scanned the letters in her messy handwriting when he found the most recent pages when after those, everything was blank. He smiled to himself for finally finding what he was looking for. He cleared his throat as he was going to give an important speech, but in reality, he would regret reading the journal, making one of Y/ns fears reality; Exposing her heart to what was really in it.

Her messy handwriting said some things 1. She wrote it from her heart. 2. She was shaking when she wrote it as the letters got out of the lines. 3. She was crying when she wrote it. The little dry tears in the soft white paper said so.

Morgan began to read out loud,

"Today, I finally realized things, the ones I wanted to keep away and don't open the Pandora box. The things I wanted to keep believing like the romantic hopeless in love that I am. Because I love love but does love loves me?

Sometimes our hearts fall for the wrong people at the right time, I know people say they find the right person at the wrong time, but it's all the way around for me. I have found the wrong person at the right time, and don't get me wrong, with the wrong person, I do not mean he's bad or anything. He's everything but that. I like to say that men are bullshit, and romantic movies and novels have sold us a standard of men they can't reach. Like Mr Darcy, everyone knows Mr Darcy, right? And why is he perfect? Because he was created by a woman who knows what other women want, and they spend their entire life looking for their Darcy, and some of them have found them. Lucky them.

Why do I say he's the wrong person at the right time? Because he's Mr Darcy, but he's not my Mr Darcy. He's everything I have ever dreamed about someone, what I have wanted, what I have dreamt about and at the right moment? Because I have never wanted someone like him more in my life like these days when I feel alone and when I don't know what to do, he knows when I'm feeling bad, and he was the audacity to look too pretty, too cute, too perfect to remind me he's everything I ever wanted and everything every person have wanted on someone, as a partner for life. To share life with them because he has the best soul someone has ever seen.

But… he's soul is already attached to someone else, and spoiler alert! It's not mine. I have watched him fall in love with someone else so hopelessly that it reminds me of a certain someone. It's actually funny to see someone falling in love the way you have fallen in love with them but with another person… It hurts like hell too.

I have always loved the stories of soulmates and twin flames. I guess I have never believed someone would love me the way I am, so they have their soul connected to mine, and they don't have another way out… or maybe it is just the beauty of it. The beauty of finding someone so perfect for you… too perfect to be real.

I loved love, I have watched love, and I have fallen in love as well. I have made couples, and I have played the role of Eros, and when they didn't believe their soulmate was out there, I always told them that it was because I felt it, because I knew it, because my soul and heart told me so. I have fallen in love with someone I could never have, nor will I even if I tried to. I'm not gonna say the typical "he wouldn't be with me because for who I am," no, he wouldn't be with me because his soul loves somebody else, and I have to watch it every single day of my life, every single day I step in for the job I watch him hug her and laugh with her and looking at her the way I look at him, and it hurts, but I'm not selfish. God! I wish I were I fucking wish I could hate her and make an evil plan to take the man with me,  but my heart knows he's happy with her, and I could never take that away from him because if someone in the world deserves to be happy it's him because he has been through so much and because he had helped people he has… he has helped me. So I know perfectly he deserves it, and her? God, she's the prettiest person, and casually, she's perfect for him.

I loved stories of soulmates and twin flames, wondering if someday mine would come and that someone would love me how the movies and novels talk about. The way the man will do and kill for them. But I realized that I don't have a soulmate. I do not have one. And I thought I would be sad about it. Why am I not sad about it? I don't feel anything at all.

And that doesn't mean I would not get married. I probably will, but not with my twin flame… that person who loves the way I love.

And I always encourage my friends when they doubt their soulmates, but I have never encouraged myself. I have made couples realize the love they hold so dearly for each other.

As the Eros curse has been on me. Eros cannot throw an arrow to himself, and neither can I.

Why do I have to watch the person I fell in love with being in love with someone else and all this pain? What do I do with the pain I'm feeling? Why do I feel this? How can I stop the pain from my heart?

I can't do anything about it. I just have to watch him fall in love with someone else, ignoring the screams my heart is giving because I fell in love with him too."

The bullpen and the four people who were in it fell into silence, those uncomfortable silences. The quiet almost ruled the place, but no, the true king in that situation was the tension. Once held with comfort, the tense air now squeezed them, taking the air out of their lungs.

But mostly Spencer Reid's air. He felt trapped, he felt fear, he was scared. Why was he scared? Why his heart decided to beat so fast like he runs to save his life as the main characters in horror movies?When death is behind them, chasing them, He loved the tension and fear in those movies, but he didn't love how it felt now.

His hands started trembling, so as his legs, he tried to grab the desk, hold onto something, and pretend he didn't hear the words his friend wrote from her heart directly to the paper once it was empty, and Spencer wished it stayed that way.

His heart dropped, feeling an awful pain like knives digging profoundly in his heart.

But mostly, he felt guilt. To know that secret, and because he didn't notice before.

He though… He thought she told him everything, because he does. Or that is what he tries to do. He wants her to be part of his life, but why didn't she let him in?

Why didn't she tell him what she was feeling? All that pain?

Spencer frowned at the thought of her going through that alone.

And mostly, who was the man?

Spencer's heart wanted to know so badly so he could kill him for hurting his... His best friend.

He got up from the desk, Morgan still shook and the girls as well. Not knowing what to do or say, is not like they could talk to her about it because she doesn't know what they have done.

Spencer took the book from Derek's hands, this time being successful. He grabbed his bag and started walking out of the building, ignoring Derek's calls.

He runs all the way to the metro. He wasn't a fan of driving, even if at that moment he want to. The ride to his best friend's house way too long and exhausting. He knew the path too well, counting the number of apartments before arriving at hers, and he used the stairs, wanting to calm down before confronting her. He read the pages in the journal, the ones Morgan read before, over and over again, the pain increasing with every letter or messing ink in the paper.

Finally, Spencer was in front of her dark brown wooden door with the number "13"  above the peephole.

He knocked three times, waiting anxiously for her to appear. And she did.

The door opened painfully slowly, and there she was. With red puffy eyes, as well her cheeks and nose, she has been crying but also sleeping so people wouldn't know the truth behind those hurt eyes. Those eyes he found comfort in now were looking for comfort as well, and he wanted to give her that. He would kill for her to feel that, to feel him there, and he wouldn't leave her alone.

"Hey Spence," her voice broke his heart.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked straight to the point.

She frowned, confused at the word leaving his rosy lips.

"Tell you what?"

He didn't have the strain enough to confess his crimes, so he lifts the evidence looking at the panic filling her precious eyes. "Why-why did you? How did you-?" she murmured, not completing the sentence she wanted to give.

"You left it on your desk."

"And you decided it was a good idea to read it, Reid? What were you thinking? Just because you are my best friend doesn't mean you have the right to step on my privacy," she said, angry but not raising her voice, feeling way too tired of everything. She took the book out of his hands and brought it close to her chest, wanting to keep it close to her and impossibly trying to reverse what he had done, but the damage was already there, printed on its pages and the intrusive and unknown hands that had filled it like poison.

Reid.

She never called him that, not even in teasing because she had told him she felt weird doing so, and now he knows he had messed up so badly, but he won't tell their friend was the one who did the damage in the first place, "I-I know it wasn't right, but I wanted to know what was wrong with you in this week, and all weeks before. You have been acting weird, leaving work when you can, not hanging out with anyone—watching Doctor Who without me? I-I didn't know what to do," he explained. It was true he felt that way, but he also used Morgan's excuse.

"There's something that 's called communication. I don't know if you ever heard of it? Like asking and talking?" She asked with obvious sarcasm. Sarcasm was her weapon in that battle, and all battles when it comes to feelings, to her feelings.

"Like you would've told me, right?" And sarcasm was also his weapon. "If someone ever asks you what's wrong, even if it is me, you always turned the topic and didn't talk about it. Keeping your feelings in secret doesn't make it any better, and I thought you trusted me enough to say what's wrong and what you are feeling."

"Yeah, I trusted you until you decided to read my journal without permission."

His heart dropped.

Trusted.

"I know it wasn't right, and I'm not proud of it either, but it is not right to keep your feelings and not to talk about them as well."

"Yeah, because you are the best at talking, right?"

"At least I told you about it."

"Yeah, Spencer, but for some, it is not easy."

"Why? Why wasn't it easy to tell me you were in this pain and someone broke your heart in that way, and he is from work! My god Y/n. You would've told me," he looked at her with exasperation wanting to know why she didn't tell him.

"Because it is you, Spencer, alright? It's you the one who broke my heart, happy?"

He didn't thought his heart would break more than before.

Yes, his heart has broken because his best friend’s was. And because someone broke it, but to know you were the one who caused that pain? It wasn't something easy.

He always wanted her to be happy, and if someone breaks her heart, he will break his legs, but… He broke her heart.

His stomach dropped, and his legs turned into jelly. He looked at her with tears already forming in his eyes as well in hers. He broke her heart.

Those words were going to haunt him forever.

"W-What?" he said in disbelief, wanting so desperately not to be true. "Yes," she said. Her voice breaking. She didn't want to tell him because he deserved to be happy, and because she knew he wouldn't feel the same, she didn't want to ruin their friendship, but mostly because even if he didn't feel the same, breaking her heart was something he wouldn't forgive. "I hope you got the answers you were looking for," and with that, she turned around and closed the door, almost collapsing into the floor with all the pain her heart was feeling now.

Spencer stood there without knowing what to do.

He broke her heart.

[drspencerweed]

Dear Spence - Masterlist

spencer reid x fem!reader

summary: Going undercover as serial killer bait was simple. Going undercover as serial killer bait three months after being kidnapped was not so simple. Going undercover with the love of my life and having to pretend to be in love with him while also pretending I was pretending was….well it was about as complicated as it sounds.

Request: from anon: HI IT’S ME AGAIN I SENT THE INTERVIEW- I mean, I’m always a sucker for fluffy stories where Spencer/reader are stuck staying together (bad weather?? Rooming together & there’s only one bed??) and they both LOVE EACHOTHER but haven’t admitted it yet🤐 soooo if you wanted to do something like that🥰🥰 if not, feel free to ignore hehehe ANYWAY ILYSM

Total Word Count: 28k

Content: Rated M (16+) fem!reader, mentions of past kidnapping, trauma responses, nightmares, descriptions of past kidnapping, canon-typical violence, fake relationship, friends to lovers, hurt/comfort, angst, fluff, only one bed trope

Author's Note: I don’t even know where to start. This request is almost a year old now, so my apologies to this anon who expected a short blurb as a thank you for helping me, and instead possibly left the fandom before I could finish this fic. However I have to say thank you to this anon because it inspired me to write the longest thing I’ve ever actually completed, and I’m so proud of it. Putting the finishing touches on this work made me so emotional, and I’m so happy to finally get to share it with you all!

Massive, massive thank you to the people who helped me throughout this process. To @ssa-m-187 , for being a final pair of eyes and the first to read the story cold from top to bottom. Your insight was so helpful, and made the final editing process so much smoother. To @homoose, an icon among us, you have an incredible gift with words and I’ll never thank you enough for giving me advice on this work. You have incredible strength and I hope you like the finished product. And finally to my IRL Bestie who may never see this post, you are so important to me. Conferences with you made this fic what it is. You’re one of the most talented writers I know, and I’m endlessly grateful for your unending encouragement and faith in me throughout this project (and in life in general). You make me want to be a better writer.

chapter links below the cut!

read on ao3

Prologue

Night 1

Night 2

Night 3

Night 4

Night 5

Night 6

Night 7

Epilogue

Bonus Chapter (NSFW 18+) - TBA

[spencerreidsmiles]

freaking you go girl for speaking up !!!!!! and not getting crazy anxious from it !!!!!!!!!!

secondly, oh how i feel you on the y’all. I’m from like...the opposite of southern or country cowboy US but suddenly that’s like the only word I use on my blog 😭 send help y’all 😭🥵

Omg this is so sweet I’m crying 😭😭😭 I didn’t really expect anyone to even read that tbh

That is such a mood tho like I’m from the Northeast but I go to school in the south now, so my usage of y’all has only intensified but like even well before I started college, I was y’all-ing all over the goddamn place

At this point I use y’all more often than my friends from the south so I would say this is a problem

[reidyoulikeabook]

“Hands.”

Ship: Fem!Reader x Spencer Reid

Warnings: Exhibitionism (? i’m not sure it counts but they’re both having Horny Thoughts at work so better safe than sorry), oral (spencer receiving), fingering (reader receiving), finger sucking (???) i think that’s everything but if there’s anything else lmk! There’s not really a dom/sub thing here sorry they’re both just like Into Each Other i guess

Word count: 1k

Summary: Spencer has nice hands and they are a little bit distracting sometimes.

A/N: Part of A-Z but all you really need to know is they’re in an established relationship! I feel like the pacing for this is off but eh, a little Saturday night treat regardless

It’s hard to get any work done when he’s the way he is: gesticulating wildly, as if he’s conducting an orchestra.  Tapping on the desk, long fingers tucking an errant strand of hair behind his ear, twirling a pen around in his hand. It’s the cup of coffee that’s the last straw.

He’s sat at the table. The cardboard cup, resting in front of him, palm curled around it. Then he catches you looking at him out of the corner of his eye, a small smirk quirking at the corner of his lips. He redirects his attention forward but, knowing you’re staring, starts of move his index and middle fingers in a circular motion over the coffee sleeve.

He’s doing it on purpose.

It would be imperceptible. And maybe it wouldn’t really matter. If you didn’t know exactly the effect those hands were capable of having when he put them to work in the right places.

Clearing your throat, you shift in your seat. Making sure not to give him the satisfaction of seeing you clench your thighs together, which would undoubtedly signal a victory you aren’t willing to concede. Not just yet.

Focus.

You’re at work.

Yes. Yes you are. You bristle with the reminder, picking up your pen again. For once, for potentially the first time in your entire life, you are in fact purposely ignoring him as he launches into another spiel to Derek. In your peripheral, you can make out the way he cradles his own chin in thought.

His thumb, worrying at your lower lip. His two fingers, slick with you, at the tip of your tongue, then engulfed in the heat of your mouth. Tongue running over the length of them, allowing him in right down to the knuckle. Taking him in the way you always do. Every part of him. His ring and pinky fingers holding your chin in place.

You swallow. Looking down at your paperwork, you can feel him staring.

In retaliation, you rub the end of the pen over your lower lip. The cap is attached to the end, and you take it into your mouth a little, humming thoughtfully as if at your paperwork.

To everybody else, that’s what it looks like. But your gaze flickers up to Spencer, and you know he knows differently. You do your best impression of innocence, and he glitches, falters, before Derek asks him what he’s thinking about and he tears his gaze away from you. Clearing his throat before he speaks, adjusting his tie, the tops of his ears turned pink.

You know exactly what he’s thinking of.

That’s why you did it.

He’s remembering this morning. How he’d gotten dressed for the day: shirt, tie, and pants. How he’d been sat on the end of his bed, putting his socks on, when you’d appeared next to him. Apparently, looking for your earring. When he saw you on your knees, he knew better. He’d just stared at you, shifting in front of him, able to see directly down the front of your top from his vantage point. See the lace bra you’d chosen, the one that perfectly complimented your skin tone. The intricate detailing.

You’d stilled. Looked up at him, tilted your head, eyebrows pressing together, “If that’s your idea of helping Spence, then don’t worry, I think I’d feel it if the earring was in my bra.”

He had the decency to look at least a little bit bashful: his cheeks turning a dusty pink colour, his nose scrunching up. But he adjusts his legs, and draws a bit too much attention to the tent forming in his pants.

“Hmm,” You’d said, resting your hand at his knee and running it up the length of his thigh, “I think I’d best help you out, Spence. You can’t go to work like that.”

He’d stared. Dumb as all hell. Shifting his hips up so that you could undo his belt, making quick work of it, settling yourself between his knees. Taking him deep in your mouth, gazing up at him underneath your lashes. He’d cum there and then.

You’d have teased him, if it wasn’t for the way his hand came to the back of your neck. Pulling you up to kiss him before you even got a chance to swallow properly, his tongue laving over yours, both tasting him. His hand gripping at your jaw, holding you in place while he nipped at your lip. His other heading down your body, squeezing your boob on his way down, coming to rest at the waistband of your pants.

He paused there, for a moment, until you bit down on his lip. Pushing your body into his.

You’re already soaking at the place where your underwear meets your body, and he runs his fingers through your folds. Gathering your wetness, and pushing a finger inside of your entrance. You moaned, softly, pushing your head back, tipping your hips up towards him.

“You’re so fucking wet,” He murmured against your mouth.

“Yeah,” You whined, “For you.”

Time had been of the essence. Fortunately, you’d been together long enough that he knew exactly the right buttons to push. Two of his fingers pressed inside you, his thumb tracing those circle patterns over your clit. The exact right amount of pressure. Building and building, the coil in your stomach burning, tightening, until it was white hot, snapping, your thighs pressing together as you clench desperately around his fingers, searching for more, more, more, to push you over the edge.

And you’d fallen.

Sure, you’d almost been late for work. But it was all worth it. For when his eyes, dark, nothing left of that sweet boy you knew, pushed his fingers inside your mouth.

He comes up behind you. Startling you, out of your recollection of this morning, which you’d apparently been having while staring blankly at your computer screen. His hand, the hand that had been inside you this morning, rests on your shoulder. Clenching, so that the veins on the back of it stick out.

“Here you go,” He says, using his other hand to put down the file.

“Thanks,” You can barely trust your own voice.

He smirks, leaning down as if pretending to move something on your desk, whispering in your ear, “Only three hours until we can go home.”

Only three hours.

Potentially the greatest understatement of his life.

NSFW Tagslist:

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@cmily @reiding-recs  @wheelsup @willowrose99 @clubfairy @meganskane@newtmyheart @kingdomcrane @cigarette-day-dread @maddievevo @s1lverhand @ggublerss @reid-me-a-story @retrxbarnes @vngtkenz @eli-side-blog @justanotherfangirl @sebstan-is-the-man @hubbybowenss @bethc54 @randomfavtingswall @converse-spence @reidsacademia @nighttimerain123 @sad-bitch-h0ur @awesomebooklover17 @mordsith1026 @xhopingthis-worksx @amesandpineapples